Adeptus Ridiculous - IRON WARRIORS: IRON WITHIN, IRON WITHOUT! | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

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this podcast. My name is D.K. Diamante's. My co-host is Bricky, and today he's going to teach us about some very ridiculous stuff about Warhammer 40K. But before he does, if you enjoyed today's podcast, heading over to patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. And consider supporting the podcast. Remember, when we hit 15,000 on Patreon, we'll be talking about the Damon Kilbassa. So, consider. So consider it. Anyway, uh, Bricky, you, You've got something to tell us today, eh? Did you actually say kilbasa knowing what you've done? Yes, I did.

Okay, good. Yes, sir. Yes, obviously, you can find merch in the description. All that wonderful stuff. Book Club is Brul Cunning, but we're going through this stuff very quickly because we have a sponsor for this episode. Roll it shy. Damn it, there they are.

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I said roll it. I didn't see anything. What happened? It's so weird. We were just silent for a few seconds and then we're back. What the hell, shy? Jesus. So strange.

Oh my God. So strange. So anyway, thank you to our sponsor for this episode. Obviously, we don't like to talk too much about the Patreon stuff on the episodes we have sponsored. because we don't want to front load that stuff too much.

DK! Hey! You know what we're talking about today. I know what we're talking. Iron within, iron without, iron warriors. God is cringe. Oh, yeah, Iron within God is cringe. Yep.

Oh, my goodness. So, okay, so we're talking about the Iron Warriors. This will not be as long an episode as the Perchiraba one. We're going to try to keep it a little under an hour. You say that. You say that. I don't believe you. You told me that earlier.

I was like, yeah. Okay, Bricky. Well, okay, so normally these episodes are a combination of two things, talking a little bit more about the Legion, maybe some side characters, and also Bricky correcting his mistakes from the prior, prime work episode. Yeah. Because I do make mistakes. And we do, but I'm happy because I was not as much actual lead. I was very respectfully corrected, and I appreciate that. It's very different than being actual lead.

Thank you, chat. Thank you. You guys did good for once on the Perchirabo episode of all fucking places. But, so some quick things. I said that they were the Ninth Legion. I don't know why I said that. I know the Ninth Legion are Blood Angels. I always did.

I think I just read something wrong. They're the fourth. Oh, okay. They're not the ninth. I know that they were the night. I remember in the fucking Soul Hunter book, they're like, ah, cursed angels of the Ninth Legion. One above the Night Lord. It's weird.

Secondly, and this one always, this one bugs me. He's like, oh, you know, he wasn't huge friends with Fulgrim. He was good friends with Magnus, though. And I'm kind of sitting here like, Oh, my boy, Magnus. Right, but I know that him and Fulgram may not get along, so to speak, but Perchrom didn't get along with anybody, but I know he didn't like, they were like a little bit closer, I think.

But the thing is, it's like, everyone has their friends, every prom. has their friends, but it seems like no matter what I say, everyone was friends with Magnus and Sanguinius. Like, every time, it's like... Well, they are the coolest of the Primarks, to be fair. Every time, it's just, oh, he was also buds with Magnus. Like, is everyone buds with Magnus?

Well, except the Emperor. And Lehman Russ. And I don't think... Oh, well, fuck Lehman Russ. He doesn't count as a Primark, because he can get stuffed. As taxidermy? Yeah. Magnus, make sure to stuff Lehman Russ.

Whoa. Whoa. Oh no. No. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, I meant like taxidermy, put him on the mantle. Like, oh, no. I bet.

Because he's like a space wolf. Oh, no. What have I done? I bet that Mortarian didn't like Magnus either. But at this point, I just don't fucking know. And everyone liked Sanguineas, too, because you have to make Sanguinius the greatest boy with no flaws ever, so his death will be sadder. Yeah. Man.

I like sanguineous a lot. I like the Blood Angels, too. I can't wait for the Blood Angels episode. Resets the clock. So how about this episode not going an hour, Brickie? This is your fault. As we get totally off. Well, the last one I had to correct real quick was Perchirabo fleeing the Battle of Terra.

So remember when I said that he busted up Doran's palace in a bunch of places? I'm like, I win, neater, neater, and left. Yeah. So I was half right? There was no doubt that he busted up. Doren's castle and did that and felt really good about it. But he kind of was sick of everyone's shit.

He was like, corn berserkers are leading our front lines. I can't control these things. Half of our forces are fucking demons. People are so incompetent. Everyone around me is incompetent and I am the best fighter here. In that case,

he was actually right. Everyone around me sucks by. And he actually, he actually dipped before, Horace died. Oh, so he legit rage quit because he couldn't stand his teammates. He actually rage quit. Oh. He was carrying the entire team and everyone else was zero and five.

And he was like 14 and two, but he couldn't win the game. And so he just said, fuck all of you. And he left. Damn, if Percharabu had stayed, how different would the Siege of Terror have been? If like he just stuck it out. I think he still may have lost. Okay. Just because he couldn't command like real forces. He was stuck with demons and bullshit.

Yeah. But yeah, I don't think. I don't think he would have won, but, you know. It wouldn't have made a huge difference if he stayed. Like the outcome is the same. Maybe he kills a few more people or a few more thousand people, but you're still not going to conquer Tara. Probably. Now, that being said, you know, I got to be honest, I think Perciaravo has grown on me a little

bit since last episode. Yeah. I gotta be honest, after that episode, I thought Perch Rabo was really cool. Like, yes, petulant man child, certainly, but what a badass. Oh my God. Yeah. He was pretty dope. Also, apparently we were

very popular on the internet for a bit after that episode. Oh shit, we're celebrities? People, oh, okay, calm down there, sir. Oh. People kept on sending me memes, and they're like Bricky, Grimdank, the meme

subreddit for Warhammer was just like a flame with Perciarabo memes and my favorite one was like reasons why you like

I like Magnus and this is 30 like paragraph reasoning of why they like Magnus reasons why I like Perciarabo he's a cunt

he is he is a massive I think I think I've grown on him because I think he's an asshole? Um, like all the Primarks are so

either perfect or, or holier than thou, or my feelings and emotions are above that of an average person. I, I kind of like when he's just acts like a dick. Because

humans, like people are assholes and people are spiteful. I'm spiteful. We're all spiteful. I'm not doing Rylandore episode every time someone asks because I'm a spiteful prick. That's literally me spiting. I just reset the clock

on Rylaur and the Blood Angels this episode by the way, so good job. Yeah, like, these are human emotions to be seething and angry and paranoid and a dick. This is very human, and it's why I like Kerr's because Kerr's

is insane, but he struggled with depression. He literally struggled with depression and like opening up about his fucking problems and that's pretty human yeah i think protrapos like the best of both the worlds like he's very human he has human flaws he has human emotions but he's also kind of like perfect primark like when he fights he's also got like that primark savagery so it's kind of like you get like human shit but you also get like hell of primark shit you love to hate him. Yeah.

You love to hate him. I want him on my team. I don't necessarily want to go and be best friends with him, though. Per Chirabot is the guy that will quietly, begrudgingly be the top five. Like, you get a group project in high school, and there's five people in there, and he does all the work and grumbles to himself while doing it, and you get an A-plus. Yep. But then you'll never be friends with him ever again.

I have been on both sides of that coin. I have been the one that did all the work, and I've also been the best. beneficiary of somebody else doing all the work. Same. Also, Shai brought something to my attention, where apparently there was actually a description of Demon Hood Primark Perchirabo, but it was only in a limited run of a thousand books.

Oh, how am we supposed to know about that? Yeah, I don't fucking know, but, you know, they expect too much of us. Well, I mean, you can't expect me to know because I don't fucking know shit about this. That's what this whole podcast is about. But Bricky, how dare you not know about that? and tell me about it.

Unbelievable. You know, I gotta be honest, Perciaravo being a demon primark is kind of fucking stupid. Yeah? I kind of hate it. Like, I kind of, it's so against his character

in every way. That's true, because you said in the heresy, like he hates the demons, he hates that he can't control them, he hates that they just run forward and do whatever. So I guess it kind of doesn't make sense that he's a demon primark.

He also hates God. He thinks they're crazy. Oh, yeah. That's right, God is cringe. He literally thinks gods are cringe. So him becoming a demon primark is just, it's so, it literally sounds like we want to make a mini of Per Traba one day. And if we want to make it cool, we have to do a goddamn-demeanor.

Yeah, it's really aggravating. But anyway, here's the quote. It said, even before his elevation of demonhood, the primark had been colossal, but now he was a giant plated in silver and steel. encased an armor that was more a fortified sarcophagus than anything wrought for a living being. Edged in yellow and black, scarred from 10,000 wars and seemed with weldline like scars. It was known as the Logos. Its textures strangely alive, like a skin of metal and flesh combined.

Perchirabo, the Lord of Iron himself. He went without helm, his head a nightmare of pallid dead flesh, necrotic and bleached of color like a corpse dragged from a depthless ocean trench. Thick cords of ribbed cabling pierced his skull, running back across his scalp and hissing corn rows. Eyes that were gimlet, gimlet? Jimlet? Gimlet.

What does that mean? What's Gimlet mean? Um, I don't, I'm trying to remember. Eyes that were gimlet black, yet lit from within by the coldest light, stared out from a face that had only, and had known only bitter disappointment, and have been cursed by inevitable betrayal. You know what?

That description makes him sound like a dreadnought. Well, remember how he mentioned that he might just be a big obliterator? Oh, yeah, you're right. Well, I guess I suppose that could be a description of an obliterator, sure. It says, if you say someone that has gimlet eyes, you mean that they look at people or things very carefully and seem to notice every detail, which is very percherabo, so, you know? For some reason when you said Gimlet, I was thinking of like a goblet, and I was like, wait, that doesn't work.

Gimlet can't be a goblet. Like, you wouldn't describe someone's eyes as being like, yeah, I don't know why I thought a Gimlet was a goblet, but, eh. G words, I guess. No, he doesn't, like, if you notice Per Chabal's pictures, he already has those weird corner-ro things in his head. Yeah. I kept forgetting to ask because it looks a whole lot like the butcher spikes that are in Angron, but they're not. But they're not. I don't know how he got those things in his head.

Yeah. I think he did it to himself, unlike Angron. But, like, depending on the picture you see of him, they look, sometimes they look just like they're just kind of there with no problems. And sometimes they look really intrusive. Yeah. It looks like they're going through his damn temples in some pictures. Yeah, it's really nasty.

Like, there's that one picture of him standing with the hammer in his hand without the armor, and you can see them in his, uh, in the, uh, in the, in the back of his head or whatever. It's really gross. Yeah. I really don't like it. It really looks like Angron's Butcher Spikes.

It looks, well, his I think are smaller. Oh, okay. But I gotta, like, I want to find the picture because there's the picture. Yeah, this one right here. It's super obtrusive. Jeez, that's, God. It's really gross looking.

Like, I guess me the hebi-jeebies. The one on the side is huge. It is. She, like, what are those four? I can't tell if that's fan art or not, because it's really gross to me. Like, I don't know why, but it fucking, it gives me the hebi-jeebies, man. Yeah. The description also makes him sound undead.

More than, like, chaos and, like, oh, look at me, I've been infusion. It makes him sound like he's almost like a zombie. It makes him sound like a drowned corpse. Yeah. Like, where it's all bloated and, like, palat. Anyway, boomer. Like, boomer! Oh shit, get this shit off me.

The wiki says it's a cortex controller for controlling automata, anuccio Vox, and Cognis Cignam. It's a bunch of computers commanding shit remotely. Okay, that's much easier. All right, sure. I don't know what any of those, I don't know what an automata is except the near variant. Ah. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. I don't know what a Nuccio-Var. foxes, I'm assuming that's got to be some sort of broadcast thing, like talking over the Vox. No fucking clue what a cognizigna is. Done. Zero. Zilch. You know, people keep on people keep on telling us, like,

oh, Bricky, why didn't you talk about this and that with the Per Chirabo episode? But then people are like, this is the Iron Warriors episode. Why are you talking about Perchirabo? And I'm... You can't help it. Like, that's, he's, he is the Iron Warriors, essentially. Like, sure there's more to them, but like all of the interesting stuff in these chapters, by and large, is the person leading them. Like, what else, like, I'm sure there's other stuff to talk about, but it's all going to circle back around to Per Chirabo, right?

I admit, not quite. There are a couple other characters that I think are pretty good. Um, for example, there's this man, like, they don't want us to talk about the Per Chirabo versus Angron fight. Percharabo bodied the shit out of demon Angron I think Oh Which was Which was pretty dope Yeah that's a pretty big deal That's yeah

That's pretty hardcore You said some really mean things He was like You are weak Snarro Pracharbo You are a slave You are born a slave And a slave you will remain

And you're like Ouch Jeez sticks and stones buddy Jesus They're fighting And it's just like You're

strength flees, Lord Portarabo. It does not belong to you. It is your masters and the chain that keeps you throttles you. The threads of blood are thinning. The meal of slaughter will only keep you here long enough to see your bastard sons die. Like, damn, Portirabo. Like, words hurt, man. Words hurt.

Man, that's Angron. Like, calling Angron a slave. That digs deep. That's actually yeah That's a big deep That is a deep cut That's Words are painful too

Percharabo What was I think it was an old Drake and Josh episode Where he's like words hurt Right That's right Angron refused to join the Battle of Terra Do you remember that?

When we talk about that In the World Year's episode Not specifically He refused to join And so Perciarbo came and beat his ass till he went. Oh, what? And then I'm pretty sure they, they,

they teleported him into the maze he built. And then, and then they, they fucking threw him onto the surface, remember? Oh, yeah, they did, didn't they? You're right. Like, go get in there, Angron.

Damn. Get a buddy. Slaps him on the ass. And Angron's no joke. Like, that's, that's, that's hardcore. If you're just like, oh yeah, I'm just gonna go body Angron. give me a second.

That's Perciarabo's a badass. He's a bad man. He has some, it's a thing. I love to hate him. His personality is trash, but he's good at his job.

He sure is. Anyway, as far as Iron Warriors themselves, Fourth Legion, obviously Iron Within, Iron Without. The thing about the Iron Warriors is that when we read the Night Lord's novels, they actually have kind of a similar mentality. I think them, I think the Iron Warriors and the night lords have the least demonic presence in their legions.

Right. I'm pretty sure. So there's not a whole lot of worshipping the chaos gods here. It's mostly just, it's there, but it's not like, it's not like people have given themselves over to whatever. They do it more for the concept of like, we take the power from these gods, but we will not worship them. Yeah, like Uzaz. Right, which Uzaz was an example of an issue where you can say you take the power as much as you want, but at some point you keep taking it, it's going to affect you in some way. Yep.

And there's no real stopping that unless you're just super. Stair into the void long enough. Yeah. It stares back. Now often, whatever a... Because often when they keep traveling the warp or they're in the eye of terror for so long, sometimes Iron Warriors will get mutations.

The thing with Iron Warriors, though, is that they get like a mutated arm or something. They just hack that bastard off. They just cut that shit off, and then they replace it with an augmentic limb. Okay, well. So... Because they hate demons so much.

Like, oh, no, demon arm? slash here's a new metal arm for your metal brother and iron within oh yeah well god if they're like that it does really seem weird that perjurabo is a demon primark it's it's really weird like they lure demons into those demon engines i mentioned trap them in them and then use them for fodder they despise demons that's so weird that perjrabbo's a demon primark and like if they'll go that far that out of spite they'll hack off a limb because fuck you chaos demons are cringe

why would you make Perchrabba demon? I man I don't know maybe because of the demon forge breaker maybe because it's been the I had a anti-for-too-long because they want to sell a mini I have no idea okay they want to sell a big mini yeah they want to sell a $100 plus mini okay big point being very much

like anti-demon don't like demon but they're also I mentioned I said that's the whole time during the for Trump episode. Siege, Siege, Siege, Siege Craft. I'm gonna... The comment section. Siege fortify. Seage fortify. Siege fortify.

It's a little played out. I'll be honest. It's kind of like the Kriegsman, the shovels meme. It seemed like it, yeah. But it's fine. I'll let them have their fun. But yeah, that's like, they love to blow shit up. They love to blow each other up. They spend all their time sieging. And they have a very...

There was that one sister's leg... or Sister's Order, I mentioned, the Valorous Heart, that do that thing where they kind of blow a bunch of shit up and, like, pollute the atmosphere and then attack after that. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's like Iron Warriors, but Iron Warriors do it 10 times better and 10 times more. They're very much like, all right, time to poison the water supply, burn the atmosphere, and then shell you with artillery for 40 years

until you surrender and then we'll keep doing it for the lulls. Oh, God. Have they really, like, rained artillery? for 40 years on a place after like poisoning it? I'm sure they have at some point. I was being hyperbolic, but I'm positive they did. I thought that was an actual example. I was like, whoa, that is extreme to pelt a place for 40 years after poisoning it.

I think the Kriegsman did that at one point where they kept on shelling them like five years after their surrender or something. I remember us talking about something like that, yeah It might have been creak Although the creed would have been like Wait wait, before you start showing Let me get down there you can blow me up too Yeah, we'll see if I can survive They wouldn't want to survive would they

No, but it's like a joke It's like a drinking game Show me daddy Oh come on The first stuffed space wolves thing and now this I mean I got what else do I bring to the table Right

Jesus. Just a Kriegsman. There's a big shell. There's a big bullet. A shell. All right. Well, regardless, yes,

the iron warriors definitely are a lot more in like heavy weaponry and a lot less demon incursion. They like dreadnots and stuff but in the sense of like there's a lot of like

demon-infested dreadnots. They just kind of possessed dreadnots. They just kind of throw at stuff called hellbrutes. And then they love their tanks. They're, They love their, like, vindicator tanks and their predators.

They love their heavy weapon squads and their Terminators. They, like, hammers and missile launchers and, you know. Very iron, very metal, very... Yeah, like, what I cannot kill with, like, orbital strikes, I'll kill with heavy weapons. Heavy weapons, guy. I am Iron Man. Because they're... Buh.

Little, a little, a little, a little bit of a delayed reaction, but that's okay. I was trying to remember how it went. Damn you, damn you, Aussie. Shia has sent me a paragraph, I shall read it. When the Iron Warriors go to war, everyone is expendable. Back of the days of the Great Crusade, they spent the Starry's lives like Bolter rounds and humans' lives like Lasba bolt auto gun rounds. And they haven't exactly gotten better with time.

Their pure, unadulterated contempt for life is such that in the siege of Castilex, they refer to their mortal servants simply as flesh and place orders for more like their fast food. If you fuck up on the job, do something your way or show any degree of insubordination, you're done. If you do the job right, they keep pushing until every last ounce of usefulness is squeezed out of you. The night lords may send the population of entire world to the skinning pits just for shits and giggles, and the Emperor's children may be impulsive, sociopathic sadomasochists who live and breathe to inflict pain,

but even they would break under the brutal regime of the Iron Warriors, where there is no room for impulsive behavior. There is only ruthless efficiency, grinding, crushing pragmatism, and nothing else. The Iron Warriors believe in moral relativism. Holy shit.

It makes sense. The concept is that the horror from the iron warriors does not come from their necessary like acts. The night lords get it from their axe and they're depraved. They're want to cause want and fear.

The emperor's children do it from depravity. There's just like being an iron warrior is just not a good life. No. You kind of have to be iron to survive. Like, like, iron within. Yep. Yep.

You have to be as rigid as iron. Like you can't, you can't bend, you can't do your own thing, you just keep pushing forward. Efficiency grinding. It's, yeah. It has like a brutal industrialism to it. Where it's like you are a cog in the machine and the moment your worthlessness is gone, you are then, you know. You're replaced. They take out the faulty cog, put in a new one, the machine starts spinning again.

Yeah, that's, that's perfect. That's the perfect analogy. Shut. Good job. Shai says, oh no, they are grinding. They are the Sigma males. You know, fuck you, Shai. You know, I thought we were done with the Sigma male grind set, and you just... Actually, if I'm being honest, they might be the most Sigma male of all the characters, because Sigma males are supposed to be psychopaths. Look what you've done, Shai. Look, look at the conversation we're having now. This is your fault. Make sure to put in an adequate meme blaming yourself for where we are right now.

Yeah, fucking shy, says, like, acts, acts like she's above us, immediately becomes as cursed as us. If not more. That is, that is literally just her personality in a nutshell. Never ending contempt until she's ready to, until she's ready to act like, she acts superior until she's not. She's saving that salvo. Like, she's luring you into a false sense of security so that once you're like, oh, yeah, we're fine. She just, boom. She's just, ugh, I hate it.

Meanwhile, everyone else who watches our videos just looks at her making fun of us, and then they're like, yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for us, what's all about. Yep. O'Re for Shai's Pro Edits. Fuck those other two idiots. Ugh. But for some character-wise, the first one that I will only talk a teensy bit about is a guy named Iron Warrior Hansu. Or Hansu.

I thought you're going to say Hanzo. I was like, what a loser, Anzo. Dude, dude, Iron Warriors playing Overwatch. That's so much as cringe as believing in God. Oh, no. I knew that's where you were going. Quote, Beyond that opening are my enemies.

Behind me are warriors who would happily turn their weapons on me if they thought they could get away with it. Do you really think I'm going to do this to try and impress anyone? I know who I am, and I don't give a green skin's fart what anyone thinks of me. What a quote.

He sounds so hardcore and then his expletive is a green skin's fart. War Smith Hansu. This guy is up there on levels of fucked up space marines that I am so a couple of things about him.

He's also known as the half breed. Oh. So for a large amount of iron warriors gene see, They have some, but often they create new iron warriors via other gene seed that they steal. And these iron warriors are known as half-breeds and are generally ostracized by the other iron warriors and are kind of like, ew, you're not pure. Sure.

However, Hansu is one of the few respected half-breeds out there. And a lot of people still hate him for good reason. but he is kind of a shitter but he's respected for what he's done he actually has a living metal arm of necrodermis the shit the necrons have oh because shy had posted these pictures and I was like

what the fuck does he just have a bare-ass arm there like that's it's pretty hardcore if you're just rolling out like chaos space marine armor everywhere else and then just arm Yeah, it's weird arm That's just necrone Like living metal That just kind of heals itself

Yeah, it's the kind of thing That kind of recreates itself They have a little bit of that In like the Caldus Assassin's blades, I think How the fuck did he get that? Honestly, I don't even know I'm sure we'll talk about that more If we do an episode on him

Because this, okay If you thought Perchiraba was a fucker Oh my God, this guy Oh really? I almost want to save a whole episode for him. Okay, we can do that, that's fine. Oh yeah, because he's the titular man who created the demon kilaba. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, he made the demon kilbasa.

He made the kilbasa. He looks so goofy with that, just one arm. Just arm. Oh, okay. And everything else is just buff-ass space range. He looks so goofy. There you go. Uh-oh.

now he's less goofy oh yeah that's much less goofy holy shit that's that's gonna that's gonna stay with me for a couple days Jesus he he is he's up there with like like honestly the things that that talos did

in void stalker pale in comparison to what he's done oh wow he is a bad man that's when you make night lords look like child's play Oh, fuck. He is, well, so we'll talk about him another day.

Let's talk about another guy who's fucking awesome. Let's talk about Iron Warrior Barabas Dantioch. Whoa. Fucking Dantioch or Dantioch is an absolute gigacad, and for reasons you might not think. His name makes him sound like a pirate. Barbarbis Dantioch? Yeah, he sounds like a pirate.

Like Barbados or, ar, you best start believing in ghost stories. Yeah, I ran one, you know? Like, bar, barbo? Anyway, go ahead. Is that Pirates the Caribbean? Yeah, the first one. Ah, the best, the only good one. Yeah, the only one I'll watch.

Yep. Man, the other ones are really not that good. Like, the Davy Jones animation at the time was fucking insane. Yeah. But, wow, they're not that good. No, no, they're not. Anyway, Barbus Dentiok. was a renegade war smith part of Per Chirabo's Legion.

He fought the time manipulating Harad armor. And eventually, after, like, there was the big fight against the Harad that really kind of messed with Percharabu's mental health. But during that fight with the Harad, he aged pretty excessively because of the whole thing. And eventually, I think something happened with his face. I don't remember exactly what happened. but basically the man Okay, so Pertharabos specifically told him

he never wanted to see his face again and I couldn't tell if he had the mask on before or after but if he had the mask on after that makes him so much more of a boss because basically his face was either fucked up or had a problem with the aging so he crafted an entire metal helmet

and I think when the fight it was still blazing hot he attached it to his face Oh Riveted it in and then shoved his headed in cold water Oh And so that thing is permanently on his face

Oh my God That's that's hardcore That's holy shit That's a second skin right there Yeah there's that's not coming off That is I mean Can you imagine when he like makes love to a woman You can't take that off

imagining having the space marines having sex what universe are you in right now that's that's true you're right you're right fair enough how dare you goes home to his his parents for thanksgiving honey take off the helmet about that mom so what was that that meme about fucking uh about fucking gilliman where it's like sorry elf girl i can't like um uh i i i the armor stays on during sex because i literally literally can't take the fucking thing off. Because he'll die. It says, quote, it was whispered that Dantioch had worn the mask

immediately after he pulled it glowing from the forge, the better to hammer it into shape around his shaven skull. Oh. So, Dantioch, after the whole deal with the harub, he went to Perchrable and was like, yo, either you or Big E made a huge error committing to this campaign and you're a fool. and per trouble was like

oh I don't like it extreme screeching and then what he did was immediately expung Dontyok from all the records reassigned his Terminator armor and said and go to help hold him to go deal with some backwater

fucking compliance issue and never see your face ever a fucking again whoa and so eventually Eventually, eventually, Donzioch went to this place, it was called the Scheidenhold or something. Skadenhold, whatever. It looks out of German. Sounds like it's from Lord of the Rings.

Ah, Scheiza. It's the Shire. No. So in a different warsmith, a guy named Idris Krendel came to the fortress right when the Horace heresy began, because it was going to be a supply point for Horace's armies. Doniak was like, fuck off. I'm not going to betray the emperor. I refuse. Oh, really?

And so the other warsmith said he would crush the fortress in the name of Horace. So instead, Dantioch fought back against this other Iron Warrior warsmith for 366 days. Whoa. With his small, meager force known as the sons of Dantioch. And he fought back against. this guy the whole time until a gigantic Nergel Emperor-class Titan finally was deployed against him

and managed to finally break the fortress's defenses. However, when the warsmith and the Titan and everything were inside the fortress, Dantioch had put fucking detonation charges and all the support structures. Blew them all up, crumbled the entire base, and all the ammunition and supply that they wanted originally and made it all sink into a Promethean lake

including the Titan and then This Promethean lake Promethean is like is like what you use for flavor fluid Oh imagine a lake of like A lake of like napalm Yeah oh shit okay Damn tell me he lights that shit on fire

Oh it was already it was already burning like Oh okay He literally sunk into Lof basically. And then this balls to the wall man teleports onto the enemy's vessel

pretends their horus-aligned iron warriors until they get to the bridge and then kill all the other people and steal the ship and leave. Whoa! What a fucking badass! He took the ship to Terra

in order to help reinforce the Imperial Palace against the enemy of the horace. Whoa. Whoa. Tantioch is of. You're right. He's like an Omega Chad.

Wow. Yep. And then after, eventually he helped her, like, fortified against the traitors. And even Gilemon himself named him the warden was, he was recognized as the warden of the pharaoh. and a hero of the Imperium by Gilemon. Wow. I like Dantioch. Danciok was super cool.

I think he's swell. He eventually did die, unfortunately. He worked on something known as the Ferros, which was a massive help for Gilemon to not, it was a special construct to not only send messages across space, but also matter. He basically made a teleporter that would like go through the warp.

Okay, that's handy. But he was later killed something called the Battle of Sotha where he sacrificed his own life in order to thwart off a night lord's incursion. The night lords got him. Yes. Though I believe through his actions

the night lords couldn't do their thing because the night lords can't win anything. Of course not. But, Yeah, Dantioch, this guy is a Chad. Wow, Dantioch is super cool. He was eventually his mask. It was now known as the mask of the warden of the pharaohs

was put upon a funeral pyre. Shai typed in all caps. There was a super important thing about the Battle of Sotha, Bricky. And I can't tell if she's saying that to make fun of our fan base, who's like, you're forgetting the thing. or if there was actually something I missed, because I don't know. Aribis overloaded pharaoh to win the battle. Overloaded pharaohs.

Right, the teleporter dude ad? Ah, quote, unknown to all involved, the Battle of Sotha would have grave consequences for the galaxy, as the overloading of the pharaohs alerted the tyranids, then drifting in the intergalactic void to our galaxy 10,000 years later. So the, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, way, way, overloading this thing called the tyrannids? Wait, what? That's a big fucking deal. Wait, what? I thought it was the Astronomicon.

Or is up to interpretation? Sotha would later be invaded by a splinter of high fleet Leviathan, resulting in the destruction of the world and the near annihilation of the size of the Emperor Space Marine Chapter, which had made so that it's homeworld. Wait a fucking second. Are you sure this is canon? Or is this bullet? So that's the teleporter that got overloaded, right?

Yeah, it's a little teleporting matter across distances thing. Yeah, how, uh, because tyranids are alerted by like, uh, warped disturbances, right? If it, if it technically, most things are teleported through the warp in some way or the other, unless you're the Eldar. Um, but if that's the case, him overflowing this thing may have been the ping that brought the tyrantids to our galaxy. Ooh.

If that's the case, then Dontyok, if Dontyok, if Dontyok wanted to, one that summoned the tyranids basically? Is that what we're saying? This man brings Stalin, like take Stalin, sits him on his lap and it's like, let me tell you about a real scorched earth policy. Oh. Jesus. So it, wait, so it's Dantioch's fault that the tyranids are around?

Because he was... Possibly? Oh. If that's the case, then hold. Holy shit? Then Dantioch did a big oopsie. Well, he didn't know. True, but still, that's a big oopsie-dupsy.

He did a big oopsie. He's a big oopsie-dopsy. Because Astronomicon does not reach outside of the galaxy you see. Wow. Holy shit, Dantioch. I didn't even know about that. Wow. You want to hear about some Iron Warrior relics?

Yes, of course I do. All right, let's talk about the cranium malovulus. Oh no, that sounds like something bad that happens to your head. This ironclad death's head was once a servo skull taken from the sainted halls of Terra though intended as little more than a trophy. Under the ownership of the iron warriors, it has mutated into a mouthpiece for the mind-shattering language of the soul forges. the coded blurts of dark tongue

it emits are potent enough to undo the machine spirits of enemy technology its viral scrap code chant is so maddening that opposing war engines will spontaneously immolate themselves in order to avoid spending another solar seconds near the floating anarchic device. Can you imagine having a skull that acts as a megaphone and run up to an enemy tank and it's like,

your mom's a hoe! And the tank just fucking explodes. The tank's like, no! No! My mother's a good. Yo, for all your jokes about my mother's obesity,

you sure claim to have intercourse with her a lot. Curious. So that's like, it's like if a silent one went up to a psycher, right? It just goes crazy and wants to kill itself. Except for tanks. Yeah, except the tank for. version of it, yeah.

Imagine this tank decided to commit suicide. Basically, yeah. We have the flesh metal skeleton, or sorry, flesh metal exoskeleton. His body long ago clad in the flesh metal so prized by the Eye of Terror's Worsmiths has bonded with his protective war gear so his anatomy is metallic on the inside

as well as the outside. A blade that manages a penetraeus armor will blunt on the hardened flesh beneath. Even those enemies that somehow deal the warrior's significant damage will see their adversary's cabled muscles re-knit in a frenzy of silvered fibers.

There is the nest of mech serpents. The morass of mechanical tentacles that graces the wearer's back are possessed by an insidious and cruel consciousness. It is a collection of several

small, deadly demon engines. the coil is as spiteful and fierce as any mortal worshiper of chaos loyal only to its master. It is actually Medusa's snake hair, but in metal coiled snakes. I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going. Shut the fuck up, D.K. I'm just saying, man, I have very few talents and skills in this world, but my powers of foresight on this matter are. Top...

You know when Curze would only see a dark and depressing future? When he was actually seeing was adeptus ridiculous. He heard the tune in his head, he's like, what is that? Conrad Curz goes on the internet and he's like, I wonder what's on the internet today, Femboy Thousand Sons. Okay. That's enough internet for today. I think I'm good.

Yeah. Throws the computer out the airlock. Out the airlock specifically. Yeah. Exactly. Got to throw it out the airlock. Commender. The Legion machine is treacherous. Throw it out the airlock. So more relics. Any more relics?

Yes. There is also the insidium. This vast pseudobionics was originally implanted to avoid the mutating effects of the amaterium. But the warp is fickle. And the insidium and its bearer are now a warped host of the chaos techno virus. Flesh and bionic alike have melded into a sickening union of mutated horror, while the bearers disdain for their own corruption rots away at their soul. Nonetheless, a fusion of mortal, demon, and machine

has turned them into an unstoppable Leviathan. Cool. So they're like, I'm a demon now. God, just please fucking kill me. And in reality, they're also really strong. That sounds awful. Yeah, these, oh boy. All right, you know what?

I'm going to end this episode here. You know, I didn't want to go too, far. You know, we made a point, we're going to talk about Hansu a different episode when we reach 15,000 on Patreon if you want to see the kilbasa. Yeah, the demon kilbasa. Honestly, you calling it that is so much

more curse than you know it is because of what it actually is. Because I don't know what it is. You have no idea, man. All right. My eyes and Bricky, thank you so much for watching. We're going to have new merch next week, so get hype. I can't say because I don't want to ruin the surprise.

I know. But you should really get What can they find you, DK? DK. DeaMonti's everywhere on all the things. Do the stuff. Yeah, you can find Shy Quiet, Quiet, Shy, Krat, etc. Morta Kyi and Rigby. I need you to bring this world under submission and pick up the trash. Mordecai and Rigby? You don't watch regular show?

No. I'm going to regularly end this episode.