Adeptus Ridiculous - KILLER SQUIRRELS, FLYING SNAKES & MECHA-INSECTS: HORRORS OF THE BLACKSTONE FORTRESS! | Warhammer 40k

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

 https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculous https://www.adeptusridiculous.com/ https://twitter.com/AdRidiculous https://orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculous The Imperium is beset by horrors. Xenospecies too numerous to mention are bent on our destruction. Only by naming and studying these predators does humanity stand any chance of survival. And by circumstance, or perhaps by divine will, it has fallen to me, Captain Janus Draik, Rogue Trader and first son of House Draik, to codify the myriad threats aligned against us. In the westernmost reaches of the galaxy I have braved the nightmarish pits of the Blackstone Fortress and the lawless dens of its orbital platform, Precipice. Through exploration of these treacherous environs, I have unearthed truths hidden from even the most learned Terran scholars. Here, in the galaxy's first truly comprehensive work of xenology, I have determined the terrifying face of our foe. Support the show

Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamantis. His name is Bricky, and we're going to be learning about just some absolutely, I'm assuming, horrid stuff in Warhammer 40K. But before we do, if you enjoy today's episode, head over to patreon.com slash Adeptis Ridiculous, where you can get access to the Discord, bloopers if they happen, the $15 tier gets you all of our digital HD posters, including that new detective ridiculous beast of Jevodon poster

Patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. Bricky, how do you feel about the... Would you say that's a case of... Because it's a wolf? Wow, I didn't know where you're going to go with that, but that was far worse than I thought you were going to say. I do not like that. Let's go, baby.

I do not like those words that you just said to me one bit. Let's go, baby. Um, yeah, I do not make these posters, yet I will profit off of them. Hell yeah. It is available also at the merch store at Orcadate.com. The, uh, woe, the w is now available for purchase at the Orcadate store. as per the usual, there are 200 copies that you may grab, grab them while they're hot, and also...

That hot, shitty. And also, you know, check out all the other stuff. A lot of great stuff. Shirts, hoodies, flags, stickers, so on and so forth. And Master of Mankind. I was just about to say that, damn you. Ha ha. You son of a bitch, I will beat your ass and eat your ass.

Got him. Ooh, hey, whoa, hey, let's not... Don't threaten you with a bad time? Yeah, don't threaten me with a good time. It could be a bad time, you don't know how it's going to be. Yeah, if you're a cannibal, that would be a bad time. Yeah, I meant it literally, obviously. Oh, okay.

Oh. Yeah, all right, this is we're off to a pretty good start, I'd say. Hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah, brother. So, uh, in lovely fashion of Bricky is going to get to just kind of casual shmove through a few episodes and then not anymore. We're going to be doing our final episode on this fun little Zenos book. Ooh, right.

With Drake? With Drake. There is a plenty. And don't forget his great friend, the crude, Drek. Ah, he has Drach. Dach. So there is actually even more that we could do from what I have right here. It's a very long book.

But I grabbed a few interesting ones and some fun stuff, and we're going to talk a little bit more about some of the side Xenos races that have kind of popped up and out and around the world of 40K and the humorous stories that go along with him telling it. Okay, let's do it. This isn't going to be another catachin episode, is it? I mean, if I had my way, it certainly would be, but... It's going to say if you had your way every episode, it would be a catachin episode.

It'd be a lot more guard going on, yeah. And sisters. And sisters. So I have about 11 or so things to talk about before for this episode. How long that takes us? I don't know. But considering the amount that we've done so far, I think that the next episode after this one,

probably going to have to be a pretty strong one. So we'll see what that means. It probably means a space marine episode. Well, that's okay. There's still a couple of space marine factions. that we haven't talked about that I'm sufficiently hyped about, you know, Ravenguard with their big stupid jump jets. True, true. Oh, we might do the Vash Store book, actually.

Oh, is that out? I'm not sure what the release date on all those books are. I think it's for pre-order, but comes out Saturday. I know they've just recently showed off that Farsight book and that Farsight Mini, which is just... The new Farsight Mini is pretty... pretty cool. It's not just tactical rocks. It's tactical cherry blossoms. That's lovely. My favorite post on that was someone was like, oh, I appreciate the restraint of whoever did the professional painting to show off that mini because they did not paint the blossoms as cherry blossoms.

Right. They painted them as something a little different. Yeah, they're only white blossoms. Like, what, white and green or something? Yeah, that's not of that. Anyway, um, so the first one, we, have here is the Urgles. The Urgles. Urgles. UR-G-G-H-U-L-S. Yurgles.

Oh. They have a funny name. They're known as the Gallo-Troglidites. Those damn troglodytes. I find the word troglodytes. It's just be one of those more enjoyable insults.

Oh, it's so great. That and homunculus. Haman. He doesn't so much an insult. That's just like an alchemy spiel, right? Or at least I think it is, because that's what they used in Full Metal Alchemist. But, yeah. Did the dad and Full Metal Alchemists do anything wrong?

Oh. You're talking about who I think you're talking about. Yeah, he did a couple things wrong. You know, experimentation on your wife, child, and dog is all heavily frowned upon. Yeah. Even in anime world. But was it for the greater good, D.K.? No.

Actually, I don't believe anything good came out of his experimentations. Oh, lovely. Anyway, these are the Yurgles. Now, oh my God, is that them? That is them right there, yeah. Oh, man. I actually didn't know they had a mini. That's kind of fun.

The Yurgoal, so the Blackstone Fortress is, for the most part, in the overarching Laura 40K, a complete mystery of its origins. It is said in some old fluff that it was made by the old ones in the fight against the necrons, which would somewhat parse because Blackstone is a big part of the Necron's architecture and things like that. However, at the moment, I do think that despite it being heavily hinted out and having some old lore and stuff, we do not know their origins. They are mysterious beyond measure. So they just kind of showed up? And caused problems? No, it more like they were already there and they were just found.

Oh, okay. Okay. But the Euro... So therefore, because they have wandered for so long and so far, species have ended up arriving in it, living in it, and adapting to it for a very long time. Okay. The most common threat aboard the Blackstone that Mr. Rogue Trader Drake has encountered have been indeed the U.S. goals. Your goals are a, as you can see, they're kind of hunched humanoids that look like

flayed, reanimated corpses. Their skin looks like it's been peeled off the bone of that weird kind of hewish, cadaverous color. Yeah, I was going to say they look kind of like ghouls. Yeah. They look very ghoulish, which is an apropos name. At an O, and it's literally your ghouls. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. What's with their faces? Like, what's what those little... Because those aren't eye holes. Those are just like, you'd almost think those were like four nostrils. Like, obviously, I'm assuming they're blind. And like, are they kind of like that primal sort of they use scent and hearing to track their prey or something? D.K.

Or sorry, shy. D.K. is getting a little bit too smart for his own good. I think we need to replace him. Let's go, baby. Let's go. He's starting to understand the world's a little bit too much. We need someone dumber. Big brain, boy, let's go.

Don't forget, I was the one who came up with what... I don't know of me being smart is something you really have to worry about. You know? Yes, those are five nostrils. Let's go. Chai says we got multiple comments in the previous episode asking D.K.

to chill down with the horny because it's getting weird and then now we have this opening of this episode. Lovely. Lovely, D.K., lovely. Sorry. Good. Anywho, the interesting thing about your goal is not the fact that, I mean, what they are is not too astounding. They're a bit tough. They run real fast and they will just absolutely rip you to shreds. They've got big, often retractable claws or just clawed hands and they will just tear you to bits. Yeah, they look like they would, yeah. However, there is an interesting book that is referred to as the pharmacopal. Oh my goodness gracious.

Oh, boy. Pharmacopoleum, xenomalium, which claims to have an answer to the threat. It states in the second chapter of his treaties that the teeth of a Drucari archon worn as a necklace or bracelet will instill terror in it and leave it fawning like a whipped cur.

Wow. Mm-hmm. It is good luck getting that, but... So apparently, there would, so there is a bar, basically, and a kind of stationed outside of this Blackstone Fortress. And it's called press, oh, sorry, not a bar, it's a station outside of this Black Stone Fortress

that people generally go to before investigating the fortress. It's kind of like a port town, you know? And it's called precipice. Nice name, okay. Which is often where, you know how the guy spoke to the Jukari guy, Archon? Oh, yeah. And we were wondering how Humee talked to an Archon without getting absolutely obliterated? This is the kind of area.

This port town, this precipice place, has a major ceasefire in terms of firearms because it's basically punishment is like execution. Okay. And it's a big one. Think of it like a pirate's den. Where, yeah, a Drukari Archon is maybe there, but like if he kills someone, the entire den is going to turn on him. You know, I'm still shocked that a Dracari

would have the restraint. Well, funny enough you say that. It says during his conversation with this Drucari Arkham, he mentioned a hatred, Drake, mentioned a hatred of Urghals to entreat how the Arkham would respond. He nodded to one of his, attendants who, to my amazement,

fetched one of the wretched creatures into the saloon of his ship. The archon gave the creature a... Oh, into the saloon of his ship. He might be on his ship instead. It doesn't really matter. Not the point. Whatever, yeah. The archon gave the creature command, and incredibly, the Yurgle responded, hungering down and, as in, like, hunkering down next to him.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sir. Mm-hmm. Wow. The archon sneered and boasted that humanity lacks the true spirit of command. We are too squeamish to rule, he declaimed. Seeing that I was unimpressed, the Arkhan patted his repulsive pet and whispered in its ear. It leaped across the saloon and ripped a guard's throat out. The next few moments were filled with a hideous snorting and gulping as the creature fed.

The jukhari led forward in their seats watching the display eagerly until the Yorgoal dragged its meal away. The violence was clearly intended to shock and impress me, but only reaffirmed my belief that the Eldar are a tragic, deluded. race in thrall into their indictions. Okay, so he has a very, he kind of feels about the elder the way you do. They're just kind of, ugh. Well, the delusional

things come from the Jukari. Oh, that's true, that's true, that's true, Dukar, delusional, regular Eldar, not so much, yeah. Wait. Oh, shy, you, uh, there's actually rules for the damn guys? Apparently. I mean, I know there's a model, but I didn't

think that, uh, Huh Well now you got Now you got me wondering And now you got me wondering If I accidentally grabbed a Accidentally grabbed a genuine Model

It seems like you did I might have I mean because there are a couple other ones in here The Drukari Pets and Beastmasters Are absolutely a thing in game They have like flocks of razor wing Crow kind of things And stuff like that

But huh Cool Interesting Interesting Anyway, I'll give that a look in a moment. Waha P has not seemed like it wants to load for me right now. Okay, okay. The next creature we have is the Terra squirrel.

The Terra squirrel? The Terra squirrel. Oh, okay. At first I thought you were going to say teradactyl or some sort of terrazoor, but the terra squirrel. Okay, tell me about the squirrel. So the squirrel is basically just available all across the galaxy. It is a squirrel. It is a squirrel that appear like these fun, fluffy, harmless rodents that are in forest regions, basically.

And they are able to fly with like flying squirrel kind of stuff. You know, they got like the little wings. Through the use of that they have like a fur cover membrane, you know, it's a flying squirrel basically. Oh, like a sugar glider kind of thing. Does, do they have like razor sharp teeth and land on your throat and like bite your pet off or something? It's just a squirrel? It sounds like you're referencing, what is it? The killer bunny from Monty Python?

Nope. I was just trying to think of the most horrific squirrel I could because it's 40K. Well, the squirrel is actually kept as a pet for quite a few things and it's a pretty standard-looking squirrel. Apparently, though, sometimes randomly, and yes, that is official art right there. Whoa! That thing is horrific! So occasionally it will basically enter some form of expedited evolution and incredibly quickly mutate into a feral carnivorous state in which it will immediately grow its teeth and claws and murder you and eat you. Whoa! That looks like a hybrid between a squirrel and a bat. That is nuts. feels like it's one of those things where it's just having it.

It's like a time bomb and it will just instantly turn into this horrifying, frenziable, murderous thing. Is there any way to see when it's about to frenzy or is it just kind of does it whenever? Because if you could, if you could pick, then it's like, oh, this thing's about to go frenzy. Let me throw it at my enemy or something, but. Not 100% sure. There is a great little excerpt by Rain and Rouse, which are the two. to not halflings. I'm already forgetting a name.

I wanted to call them halflings, ratlings. Ratlings. Yes. Ratlings. And I got to be honest, these two guys sound really funny. They kind of have this like two dude vaude vaudeville show kind of vibe. Okay.

I like it. I like it. So they have a little excerpt here. It's like they're talking about how their rations were really bad. And it's like in those situations, Rouse and me have always found it best not to pester the officers. They're always so busy with strategic thinking and the like. They don't want to hear about our bellies, do they?

They do not rain, pat's stomach. Remember that time we tried to show them? Rain, grimaces and touches a scar on his jaw. Brother, I do. That's why we're always dealing with our matters ourselves. No need for the top brass to know. Besides, our mothers didn't raise us to ask for handouts. Rouse, gesturing to his small stature.

She didn't really raise us at all. They do sound quite humorous. I like these... I always call them vaude villains because there was a WVod tag team called the Vod villains, and they were... That's a baller tag team name. They were very fun.

They were bad guys, but yeah, yeah. Well, the bad guys are often the most enjoyable. We are playing 40K after all. Fair enough. Fair enough. But yeah, they sound like a hoot. But yeah, people like their exotic terrorist squirrel pets, and then eventually it grows up and kills them. I mean, like, if it didn't grow up and eat you,

like if it was like, oh, yeah, it'll grow up and then it trusts you and it'll do your bidding, I could totally see wanting to own one of these, but if it's just going to eat your face, I feel like maybe don't. Maybe not. Maybe don't do it. You're not understanding the volume of hubris that extremely well-fueling. the high level people have on a over in the imperium. I guess that's true.

And you, yeah, and also wild animals will kill you anyway. Like, if you, you know, the people who are like, I'm going to raise a chimpanzee and then like tore the lady's face off.

Yeah, or like a baboon or like, oh, I'm just going to raise this tiger. I'm sure it'll be fine. Yeah. Anyway, next one we have is the loxatil or loxal.

This is a kind of bizarre, Xenos race. It is reptilian in nature, quite large, sometimes 10 feet long as a quadrupedm that evolved from a species kind of similar to monitor lizards. Oh, so kind of like an axolotl. That probably is actually where the name is. Yeah, because they're called lottles or something, right? Loxetil. Loxetit, yeah, it's probably from an axol. Whoa, those are cool.

So these things are a little bit more. intelligent than your average lizard kind of thing. They have a gun vest, yep. They have a vest with guns. So they are often seen bearing projectile weaponry attached to their torso and are able to deal with enemies at a pretty significant distance, often employed as like, often employed by like mercenaries and things like that. The thing is, is that they have an echolocation gland that can be used from genuine

miles away. Oh, that's handy. And so when you have this location and someone's walking around, then it turns around and fires its chest gun at like the creature, however long down the line it is, and then they blow up and die.

Wow. Is that the, I'm assuming the echolocator thing is that sort of red patch on the side of its head? I'm actually not sure, but I would believe you. I think it's just the lizards biology gives it a week. or like echolocation thing. That picture kind of makes it look like a xenomorph almost.

A little bit. I think it's the dark color. Yeah, probably. Is that from a game, shy? It's very cool, though. I like gun vest lizard. Gun vest lizard. That's a cool look.

So the thing is in the expeditions with Drake, he found that in order to deal with something from such an insane range is to actually overload its senses with a certain frequency. So because of their echolocation, they kind of have like a dog whistle thing where humans can't hear it,

but they can. The lizards can, yeah. So he was able to play a frequency at an extremely high, high, well, I guess the frequency. And that immediately sent this lizard into an absolute frenzy, like flipping on its back

and just writhing around, like it was being attacked by many, many, attackers. Yeah. Yeah. And then, by then he walked up and just went, I wonder how they fire the, the vest gun.

With their vest. Yeah, but like, what, are they just, like, flex their... Wait a second. It's finally here, D.K. We found it. The investigator. Oh, my God. It's there. We've finally figured it out.

Yes, yes. We have a vested interest in this topic, right? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. but not with these crocodile circumstances. That was bad. It was bad. Even for me, that's like, I mean, and my puns are not good. My jokes were not good, but that was awful.

This mix up for those horrendous puns you made like three episodes ago that were just the worst. They were glorious. They sucked. Excuse you, sir. I did not even sneeze. Why would... So what's the next Xenos race, Bricky? The next one we have are the Amble.

A-M-B-U-L-L. Okay. So these things... I like the first line. Some threats, humanity only has itself to blame. Okay, so this is... Oh, sweet, man-made horrors beyond comprehension. Oh, sweet, Lois.

A schizo thread. Oh no So the amble There you go That's the Amble Oh my God What I can't even Is that I guess it's a

It looks like a giant insect insect beast thing Insect beast rock thing So The Amble is Originally in a completely In hospitable desert Wining up in

Subterranean Caves Where it would have lived and died if humanity didn't get involved because rich nobles love to try and domesticate things Of course Also, oh my God

Look at that mini Wow Holy moly It's actually a pretty good mini I'm a little shocked Yeah that thing is amazing Imagine meeting that in a dark alley way Oh

It's uh it's It's a big boy. It's a big boy. Big chunky, muscular insect hive triptophobia night. Is it triptopophobia? Triphobia. Tripoophobia, yeah. So it is very large, about up to 13 feet tall as a bipedal, bipedal predator with the posture,

kind of like an ape. Those arms, you know, kind of hit the ground and so they moves like an ape and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It can eat almost anything, tunnel at extreme speeds. and are impossible to bargain or reason with. They're not something that you would try. Oh, yeah, I can't imagine. I don't think this thing would stop

and have a conversation with you. No, no. So there was a situation in which some Vostroian guardsmen, Vostroian mercenaries, decided to try to tame it and grabbed one on their ship and then head to the precipice area,

the bar kind of, or the port city. Yeah. However, I'm doing so, it, of course, got loose. Of course. And, oh, I believe they were actually, oh, yeah, it got loose. And immediately started just murdering all kinds of things, leaving to all kinds of rivalries and stuff and people murdering each other in basically a riot. Oh, boy.

I don't know why you would try and capture one of these things. I mean, I guess you figured you could tame it and use it to your betterment, but it also, Does it have its own little bug army that comes out of those little holes that it just sends after you and gives you some horrifically noxious poison with? I don't know anything about that. I think it just crushes you or eats you with the big mandibles. Because with the mini, there are clearly bugs like falling off of it near those holes. So I wasn't sure if that was like a special deal. I'm not sure.

There are definitely bugs on it though. You are correct. It is a big bug. It's like a big muscular gorilla bug. So these Vostroians decide that after it got loose to try to fix it by destroying it with a pair of plasma charges like plasma grenades, which was apparently very dumb because Ambles feed on anything, including plasma. Oh, no. It just ate it.

It literally just ate the plasma from the plasma grenades. The blast of the plasma fuel the creatures hungry. ferocity with energy sparking across its carapace and it butchered all of the Vestroians in order to try to get at the delicious delicious plasma so Drake grabbed

the final plasma charge and ran away into their ship in which the ambal chased after him and he threw the plasma charge into the ship smash the launch and jumped out and sent the ship and the ambal half a mile into deep space

I mean, that's a nice little bait and switch. So yeah, good, good for you, Drake. I shall decline the comment on the suggestions that I knew several of Austroians were still aboard. I like that. I mean, he had to get rid of the amble. So, you know, if you got to sacrifice a couple of guards, you got to do what you got to do. They brought it in. They're the ones at fault.

Oh, yeah. They, you know, you reap what you sow. You get what you fucking deserve. So the next one is something called the Mjordhine Raiders. Oh, hold on, shy, is telling me to wait. What are we waiting for? Mordheim Raiders sounds like it's going to be some sort of Norse deal. Don't forget about the two awesome versions of the Amble, the Cyber Amble, and the Ambot.

Oh, no, is there a mecca version of this awful nightmare? Yeah, you read this. Sure, cyber ambles are equipped with toothed power. saws and hammer drills, which are slotted into grooved elbow chunks that replace the amble's original forearms. The cyberambles are also given plate steel reinforced orbits around their eyes, twin torches welded to their brow ridges and a noise suppression field. Oh, God, as if these things weren't awful enough without cybertube.

Also, who did this? Who, who, who, who, who puts... Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Oh, it's the squats. Squat engineers can ride atop the cyberambles in order to directly control them. Their seats are located upon the cyberambles lower back, just behind a bulging spur of polished spine bone that contains control. knobs. The engineers can all ride the cyberambles to war and the Amble's antler bracket is used to carry a heavy bolter. Wow. Oh my God. Wait, these don't look like they were made from Ambles, but rather are just like a construction that looks like anvil. Yeah, yeah, that looks... Yeah, those minis just look like they are things that look like they're very, like they're very, like they're very... vaguely designed around.

Yeah. Oh, they use an Amble's brain to build the... Oh, that's not a smart idea. I don't like this. I feel like that's such a bad idea. Damn, this is a big creature. Let's make it a robot. Wow, that's a cool robot, though.

I got to say, like, that robot is aesthetic as hell. I did not realize that. I love it. it. So, onwards to the Mjordon Raiders. Drake apparently met a, someone called a Thucilian queen

who was very, and obviously he's always interested in Zeno's life form. So she, as a proud woman, invited him to dine with her at her estate, whatever the place is, right? After her, they prepared a quite impressive meal.

He saw a piece of what looked like unfired clay with unusually long tapered fingers. And the queen said that the crumbling hand was not in fact tribal art, but a severed piece of a creature known as a mordheim.

And that many centuries ago, her ancestors were hunted almost to extinction by these raiders and their winged serpent steeds. I like this part where he's like the enormous hand was obviously made from some fort of clay, but it's never wise to dismiss the long cherished culture of beliefs of one's host,

especially when they are about to feed you. That is very true. That is the drawing recognition of the Mjordheim Raiders there. It is a cyclopean kind of creature upon a serpent dragon. Oh, nice. I love me a good cyclops. Oh, wow. That's so cool.

The queen had actually asked how they managed to defeat the Mordiorni, Murrheim of general because they are incredibly strong. They are nomatically heavily muscleed giants, quote, born of the earth, required neither food nor water to live and are basically unkillable in terms of damage. They will just mold their forms back into shape with a swipe of their hand. Wow, how did they get rid of them then? That sounds unbeatable. Well, apparently, star warriors descended from above and hunted the hunters, burning them back into the ground with holy fire.

Oh. And so he thanked the queen for her story, took a sketch of the hand, and left. Years later, just kind of seeing it as unremarkable because it was obviously a clay hand, he went to a library containing the details of the white scars Astardis chapter. and one of the oldest manuscripts was about a race of Zenos giants called the Mordeheim that had earth-like flesh able to absorb wounds with no ill effects

and he was like oh my God it was real it was real the one piece is real the one piece is real and he spoke to the head librarian asking us more information

but he said that single book was the only thing with no physical proof so he packed the stuff up tried to go back to where the queen was, but that planet was now fully in the throes of terra formation, and she had since departed. Oh. But it definitely does track.

The white scars are known for their trophy hunting, their big game hunting. So it certainly does track with that kind of thing. Man, those things are so cool. I mean, I assume we're never going to get like a mini on it, and it's never going to get expanded. upon or any, but God, those things are so rat. I would love to see, like, a fantasy mini around them, because, man, fantasy minis, like the

AOS minis would do that thing proper justice. Yeah, the AOS minnys are really good. Mm-hmm. It's a, it's a wacky-looking dude ad, but it's really cool. Oh, I love it. Very cool. Next one we have is something called the Claude Feed. I wonder if it has claws.

It in fact does. It looks a little bit like, it's kind of just another one of those gorilla kind of looking ones. They're an ape-like biped head with huge strength, got a barbed tail. It's a pretty classic apex predator in every way. Like it's a little bit unremarkable. It's just a big gorilla kind of creature.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm sure facing one would be absolutely terrible, but yeah, that drawing is just kind of, It seems a little goofy. It is a little goofy. The face mask looks a little goofy. The interesting thing about it, however, is that it has a bunch of octochromatic eyes that have light receptors that can perceive color past what humans can.

Okay. And so it was very fascinating. So Drake was very curious to get one. Of course. And so, you know, the rattlings of Rain and Rouse were not the most impressive of individuals, but they often acted as guides to the Blackstone Fortress in order to help if anything happens. And so they were about to leave with a different rogue trader, a gentleman named Augustus Arova. And Arova was braving the fortress with this specific intention of hunting this beast,

because the pelts of this beast are worth more than some spacecraft. Wow. Really? They are just giant crazy beasts, and hunting one down, as a rarity as they are, is just, you know, very, very nice. Okay, okay. I wasn't sure if it was just like, oh, yeah, the blue pelt is, offers divine protection or something, or if it was just like, oh, yeah, you killed the big crazy ape thing with the spike tail and hooray. You know, Shai, you keep, I didn't realize how many of these things were Dr. Kari, you know,

usable. Yeah, it seems like a lot of these are just like, oh yeah, if you run Dr. Carr, you can absolutely run the mini of it, which, ooh. That's actually kind of crazy. Because I know you can run like a, what I'm called like a Beastmaster is kind of their name. And the Beastmaster can carry lots of different kinds of things, like razor wing flocks and stuff. Oh, yeah, there it is, Claude Fiends. Huh.

God damn, I did not, I did not realize that. I'm assuming you've never seen anybody run these specific beasts since you didn't realize they were minis. I did not. Probably not a super popular choice among Dracari players. That being said, they are very fast. They are not that tanky, but they do, in fact, hit at the exact same damage as a Chaos Space Marine possessed. Wow. That's a heavy hit.

I mean, you know, give it game stuff, obviously. Yeah, yeah. But still, that's a chunky monkey. Not bad. All right, that one's good. That one's good. Thank you. Thank you.

Now, Arova, the rogue traitor, obviously was going for the pelt. And before they disembarked, the two rattlings came up to him and said, hey, if you give us more money, we'll ditch this guy. And we'll do it for you instead. And Aerova apparently seemed like a decent man. So Drake had no interest in derailing his expedite. addition, but he said, hey, if you find me one of the fiend's eyes, because he wants to study the fact that they can see past the human spectrum of light, if you can give me one of the eyes, I will match the fee for a rova that they promised for the pelt. And said, their grubby faces lit up at this, and they promised in an absurdly profuse way not to fail me. Okay, cool, cool. Did they get him the eye? So he didn't expect to hear from them again, considering everything. But eventually,

they came back looking just awful and untrustworthy as ever and gave him a jar full of gloopy, cloudy solution that they could barely even tell that it was an eye. He spent a few days carefully cleaning it and attempting to dissect it through it

and the eye had obviously been damaged by the creature's violent death. There were lesions and the cornea, etc., etc. But he was excited to see that had two retinas. It's like, oh. Interesting. Interesting. It might be part of this whole thing.

So he made his way back to precipice, and heading through an auditorium, he came across the rogue trader, Arova, and he looked crestfallen and defeated. Not much like a man who had just bagged himself a pelt worth of a ship. And he said to compliment him on his success, and he shook his head saying the expedition was a disaster.

He had managed to wound the monster, but once it caught the scent of its own blood, it grew shockingly berserk, and nothing could stop it. Ironically, in-game, it gains more attacks if it's taken any damage. Okay.

It butchered his entire entourage and killed even his younger brother as well. Oh, man. And the only reason they were able to get away is because the Blackstone Fortress did one of its shifts and they were moved to the sign. They got real lucky.

Yes. He was lost for several hours before he managed to make his way back to the lander. At one point, he even passed near the scene of the massacre and came within a few feet of his brother's course. He grimaced at the memory, appalled and baffled by the fact that someone had gouged the man's eyes out. Oh, I was about to say, if this thing went berserk, how did they get the eyes? Oh.

They just, they take an expedition with this rogue traitor. His brother dies. They just shank an eye out of him. He's like, here you go, boss. How are you going to know that this is. the thing. Oh, oh, you Vod villains.

Oh, goodness. Oh, you. I love those guys. That's actually great. I love it. I mean, I don't love it for the dude's brother, but that makes for a great story. It does.

So the next one is something called the Sepulc. C-R-A-L-I. Sepul-A-L-I. Okay. These are a wacky one. They had a crazy picture when I was flipping through the book that I had to know what it was.

Though I don't think the picture is necessarily correct. It's a bit weird. But regardless, basically in one of the precipice, there was a militar arm officer from the Varun 12th who was drinking himself to death.

All right. Cool. Whoa! Is that, what is that? What is that? Exactly. That's exactly the vibe I had when I first saw the thing.

It's like a, It's like a, I, I'm sorry to anime you, but it looks like a Titan, I know. Yeah, exactly, with like the funky way that they run. Yep, that's the first thing I thought of too. The Titan is a very striking image. Yeah. Anyway, they had told Drake that they were, in fact, insane. And their time on the planet of Thermia 5 had robbed them of reason.

Basically, this place, Thermia 5 is a death world, an ash-covered death world. and it was used often for mass burials over the centuries. And there were this old local concept of ash worms, crazed spirits that inhabited this world. Obviously dismissed originally as a folk toil. Eventually their patrols came under attack. And they were so overwhelming that they had to be evacuated under escort of an Adeptus Astardi's Strike Force, which apparently was the Blood Angels chapter. And they weren't actually even there to save them.

They just happened to be in the area. Okay. Again, another big stroke of luck. Yeah, like, why would they even bother helping the regiment? Yeah. Who gives a shit? And what would happen is that this creature rolled, it looked like ash, rolling and twisting in the air like a tornado.

But as they came closer, they could see they were actual animals, living things made of dust, coiling like a snake and flying through the air. And they were so incredibly fast that you could not outrun them. And when someone would scream in terror, they would flood into said person's mouth, and that was it. Oh, no, gross. The death of a single squad mate from screaming killed all of them

because once that happened, he was no longer him, but rather became this ash monster and would begin to attack all of his friends. And then when they would scream, then the ash worms would go into their mouth and so on and so on and so on. Oh, man, that's terrible. That is an, like, how do you even fight that? You don't. Yeah, it's just, it's an ash cloud base. It's like, it's an ash cloud in the shape of a person, right?

And it's just like, oh, man, that sucks. That is. So he was the only surviving member of his squad, and he then began to become less coherent and began scratching at his skin violently, trying to rid himself of imaginary attackers. I mean, I can see how that's the kind of crazy you would fall into after seeing that, yeah.

That's marked that planet for exterminatus, by the way. That is... Get rid of that one. Get rid of it. We don't need anything on that planet. Or better, yet have someone else go there. Throw in some like orcs. I have them try to deal with it.

Send a prison ship there. Yeah. So the next one we have is something called the Zote. Why does that sound familiar? Because it is familiar. The Zote, I think, was a model way back

in the day. Okay. But I believe that they remade the model just recently. It is a, centaur-like reptile that like to travel the galaxy in secret,

not linked to a home world or a creed, very muscular, quite large, and may appear like a mindless predator, but certainly are not. The Zote. Oh, we totally talked about these. This mini looks so familiar. That picture, we have talked about these before.

We definitely have talked about these before. I don't remember when it was or what the context was, but these beefy boys I have seen before. The Zote, the Zote kind of reminds me of the shadowbroker. I'm not going to lie. I can see it. I can kind of see it, yeah. A bit of a bizarre concept,

but basically they are actually quite intelligent and very, very conniving. However, when you say the word conniving, it might not actually be conniving. It might just be that Drake doesn't like him because he's trying to do his own things. Yeah. But it's very intelligent, and a lot of Drake's informants have apparently been, quote, lost to the Zote. Not from death, but apparently it seems to be making itself a building of spies and agents.

Oh, so it really is going Shadowbroker. A little bit. It's creating its own network of agents, and it refers to itself as the archivist, because it does not speak either. It communicates entirely via telepathy through the mass. on its face. Oh, cool. There's actually a hell of a lot more we can talk about Zotes, I think, in general, but there's not a whole lot specifically in this book.

We would need a lot more to discuss regarding the Zotes. But at the moment, like, the Zotes, like, it's, there's some people who really like Zotes. And, I mean, they're cool. I think that Mini is actually rather recent, too. What's up with his Tum-Tum? Why is it like that big red, um, ball thing

thing yeah I'm actually not really sure I thought that it might have something to do with this telepathy because you can see the line going to his mask yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but I'm actually not sure I have no idea oh well so be it

so be it so be it so I have one in here that was called the enslavers but I forgot we already talked about them they're like warp sharks that take over people's minds and turn them into portals and stuff Oh, that's awful. That sucks. That's an awful fate.

That's a fate worse than death. But I want to talk about two more. Do you want to end on the funny notes, or do you want to end on the serious then funny note? Ooh, I feel like per ridiculous. We need to end on the funny one. All right, then we'll do the non-funny one. The Medusa, or Medusa, this is... Oh, certainly these aren't Medusa-like creatures that have snakes for hair and

you to stone, right? Actually, not quite no. Huh. These are a manipulative mental parasite that get onto your face and looks like a giant, technically brain, more so like a brain version

of Medusa's hair, not the snake version. Oh, gross. For some reason, I feel as if these might be a Drukari thing as well. They just look Drukari like. Oh, these look so Drucari. Actually,

That looks dope. Oh, God, that looks so cool. So that big brain parasite that you're seeing right there is basically a, it's a parasite. And it takes over a host of some kind. Now, the host itself apparently is full memory of everything going on during this period of time. It remembers it all. Oh, no, that's never good. It's not fun.

Um, but it also throws them in a state of extremely heightened bliss. Oh, really? So it's not all bad when you get taken over by one of these things. Like, it's not like you're in, uh, unending suffering and you're just going absolutely loopy-dupy. Like, at least you're in a state of bliss, kind of like those other, um, Slimes that like We talked about in that last episode Were like before they took you over

You're just Totally euphoric drugged out state A little bit Yeah except instead of killing you afterwards This thing has you for a bit But can indeed be removed Okay And being able to

Oh yeah that's what it's called Okay it's the there's a thing called The Court of the Archon Which is the name of the Dukari It lets you carry many things. Your ghoul, Medusay, the slith, which is like a sneaky thing, et cetera. Okay, excellent, excellent, excellent. The Medusay had a very easily been a Dracari episode.

It could have. I was actually unsure how many things have this much. Yeah, Moby. It's okay. Anywho, the interesting thing about this is that there was a story way back when of Drake as a young boy eating a beautiful dinner at the hall of his family. and it was some festival and all of these people were proud

imperial warriors or saints or all kinds of various types of things but there's one man there who was just awful a hunched wasted figure too frail to fit his formal attire and muttered off you skate it barely seemed like he could follow

through with everything but there was an issue where the Medusay once removed would often be seen as like that was their heightened world and a once it's gone, the world just feels gray and dull. Oh, so they actually almost go into like, I don't want to say, like, sort of like a depression when they don't have that sort of blist out state that the Medusa I gave them, and everything

just doesn't seem as good anymore. Kind of like they're, kind of like they're getting let down after a super big drug high, and now they're going through withdrawal, and they just can't handle it. It's about right. Oh, that's fucked up. So he noticed an arranging of scars around this person's face and neck, as if it had been punctured several times. And later, he asked his servants why the father would entertain such an unimposing man. And they laughed at his naivete and said that man was Dragomel, one of Terra's most beloved versifiers.

He only wrote poems for one single year, but every single one of them had the power to bring readers to tears. and after that he was never able to write again. So there's the assumption that maybe he willingly put this on his head and wrote for one year. So are there any other examples of people maybe doing that? Or is it just him that willingly put this thing on them so that they could achieve that state? Completely unsure, do not know.

Also, just because Destiny 2 is such a regular, that'd be such a great warlock outfit. That's pretty cool warlock outfit, yeah, I would agree. An exotic helmet for the warlocks that look like that? Oh, give it to me now. All right. Last but not least, we have the Galg. The Galg. The Galg.

The Galg lived in a world called Arumin. and in palaces built deep, deep underground and illuminated by these bio-luminescence spores. The gaug is a giant, gross-looking tentacle blob. It is a big, oh, yeah, that's grossy tentacle. It has no heads, but they have their cluster of their weird, quote, optical appendages.

Ew, okay. It was there at the bar called the Helmsman in the drinking den, just chilling. And so apparently, Greg has heard of these Gallagher before, and they went to go to the Gallag's table and sat next to them. And as they have no mouths, they produce some kind of whining moan as they moved their limbs,

which apparently is oddly pleasant, a little like the sound of a glass harmonium. and incredibly Grec was able to answer in kind opening his beak as wise as he could tilting his head back and shaking the crest of spines that tops his head the gallops

the gallags at the table because there are multiple gallags there were excited to be addressed in their own tongue and after some pleasantries he was able to ask them questions on his behalf and that's how I learned about the palaces and stuff they have this

religion, where they have this thing called the realm of the Maku, where if they don't live a good life, they descend underneath their palaces and they die there with a malevolent species. DeGalg said that they had mostly an idyllic world that were unchanged,

but they were excited by the arrival of the Tao Empire. Oh, okay. And so rather than wasting their lives on these idle pleasures and peaceful pursuits, they now were lucky enough to have a place alongside the Tao in this great project to civilize and protect the galaxy. Ah, they now serve the greater good.

It was apparently bizarre that their excitement was, their excitement was so baffling. They'd been dragged from a peaceful idol into a war they're going to do about them, but they seemed ecstatic about it. Okay. How do these things fight? Don't worry about it. Oh, okay.

I was going to say, like, the Tao dragged them into the fight. will not drag. They went willingly, it sounds like, you'd think they'd have something, like, you know, if they touched you with their grimy tentacles, they'd poison you or something, but... Like when Zayed was going to be choked by a handarm. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shai said they use sonic weapons, according to the wiki. Oh, that makes sense. Because they, apparently, they had more questions for Drek to ask when the GALGS mood soured, and they suddenly launched themselves at Greck and began trying to strangle him.

Oh. One drew a gun-like weapon with their gentle, musical wine, became an atonal scream. As said here, fire weapons on precipice, especially somewhere as visible as the helsman,

can lead the exhaly of execution. So things would have gone pretty badly for them, because they didn't want to fire their weapons. Fortunately, several nearby drinkers stepped in to help me free Grech while another snatch the Gallag's gun. The Gallag's stormed out,

and once the crowd dispersed, I asked Greck if, he had known what had enraged them. He shook his head and his tone was as neutral as ever. They asked me how I learned their language. And I explained that it was by eating their captain. Enlightenment flickered in his eyes. I don't think they knew he had died.

I like that. I was about to ask, why did they suddenly fight? Well, there you go. They ate their captain. They didn't even realize their captain was dead yet. They had no idea the captain was dead. It's like, oh, how'd you learn to talk? us, oh yeah, killed your captain.

Aid him. Now I can talk like you. John's dead? You bastard! Wait, wait, oh, Rewitch I just posted. Also, hilariously, Alpha Legion managed to turn some of the Galk against Tao, organized as freedom fighters to overthrow Tao tyranny.

How the hell did the Alpha Legion do that? Subterfuge, deception, you know, messing with the Paul You know how they go. I guess, sure. You know how they... It's the Alpha Legion, so anything is possible. Absolutely. Anything is possible.

Anyway, that was the one I was going to end it on, because that's so funny to me. That is, that is a great finish. Oh. Oh, right. Well, there were probably like another 10 or 12 more species in this book, but I think this was the good part to, like, really get through it and just kind of, kind of ended. it there, throw it down there and really be pleased with the overarching nature of

this book. It's a great, great little tool for learning more about the overarching universe and some pretty great humor involving the nobility of Terra. This was sort of, this was a pseudo-sub-Drucari episode too. We got to learn a lot

about the weird creatures that apparently the Drucari can use and harness and stuff. Mm-hmm. It's quite humorous to see that, but... Yeah, creepy bastards. Creepy bastards.

That is who they are. That is the Dracari. Yep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I will attempt to get to the Vash Store book in time for next week. And if you don't, it sounds like there are a bunch of other Zenos you could do, maybe. Certainly possible. Mm-hmm.

And how. All right. Thank you, everybody very, very much for stopping by. And we will see you later. What? That's it? That's how you're going to end the episode? How would you want to end it? Very normally? I don't know.

We just talked about a giant tentacle monster, and I didn't say anything about culture. And I don't know. Shall I end the episode before he starts?