Adeptus Ridiculous - MAKING A SPACE MARINE: RECRUITMENT, CREATION, PAIN | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

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Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K., and we have Bricky back. You're back, feeling good, everything is great. Big shout to Keriath for filling in last week. It was greatly appreciated. Great episode on The Dreadnought. You should check it out. Do we do cards in the top corner?

No, whatever. Go watch it. You're here. Go find it. Adeptist Ridiculous. Whatever. If you enjoy today's podcast, head over to Patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. Get yourself all sorts of bonuses.

access to the Discord, HD posters. There's a new ork, mean green poster that is very classy, very, very top-notch art. Wonderful job. What? I'm...

Anyway, bloopers if they happen, all sorts of behind-the-scenes stuff, so definitely check it out. And now that Bricky's back, you can properly shill the merch, I did a terrible job last time. Oh, I am a professional shir. That's my, that's my stick.

Yo, check out orchidate.com for some fantastic merchandise, t-shirts, hoodies, long sleeves based on mechanical things, Bada Bing, and then Doge Van Dyer stickers as well as fantastic, adeptist ridiculous, custom dice that are being sold in packs of 10, 25, or 50s. They obviously get cheaper per die as you go higher Because you know buying things in bulk means cheaper And yeah So check that out

I don't know if we have a lot of dice left Oh have they been selling like hotcakes They've been selling pretty quick and they take a while to remake So I'm They take like like a like two months So you know get it while you can And if you play orcs get a lot Yeah

Or Tyrannids, right? Tiernid, you need a shitload of dice as well, right? And Garden. There's lots of options there. Besides that, however, also make sure that you have finished up Blood Reaver for the Book Club. That episode's going to be to this week. In like three days.

Well, I guess like in five days since we record, but in three days since this episode goes live. Because I, you know, we were supposed to that earlier, but I got sick. I got strep throat. I didn't. That sucked, man. Yeah, strep throat's no fun.

That is not a fun thing to get. That is... I think it was my first time getting it. Yeah, I recall getting it as a kid, and it's just, it's not a pleasant time. Well, getting sick in general isn't fun. Yeah, but it's like getting like a flu, like a sinus infection,

the usual fatigue, fever, all that. It's just triple the throat pain and for twice as long. It's really awful. It sucks. It sucks. Is that forget-me juice, dude? That's what it was.

Was it the forget-me juice? I literally got sick the Saturday before. So literally, that drinking episode made us both literally sick. Literally? Literally. You got strep throat, and I was out of commission on Saturday. Bringing out the California today, all right. Literally.

But see, I... I actually mean it. It's not like I say it so much that, yeah. Didn't they change the definition of literally so that it could mean not literally because so many fucking people kept using it wrong? How, I thought it was just slang. The concert of saying literally is just slang as in to put emphasis on the thing. I don't know.

Also, can you, can you change the dictionary, can you? Like, a thing means what it means? I think they did. I remember that being like a really. big deal a while back. They were like, oh yeah, dictionary changes definition of literally because people are stupid. And I don't know why I had to say

it in like an old-timey radio That sounds like you read an onion article and got baited. You know, that's entirely possible. I'm a bit of a boomer, so it's entirely possible that I got baited by an onion article. So someone confirm it. But anyway, we have an episode to do today, don't we? We do have an episode

to do. So, So, Kyrieff did a pretty goddamn good job at going through the dreadnoughts. He knows a lot more about that than I do, so I learned quite a bit when I check the episode out. Well, he has, what, over 30 dreadnots. So he was the perfect person to get to do the dreadnought episode for sure. Oh, yeah, he likes his little boxy dreadnots. His little cardboard boxnots, yeah. Wait, are they cardboard?

No, it's just you call them boxnots because they're like big boxes on legs. Oh, the old dreadnots, yeah. Yeah, exactly, exactly. The new ones are a little bit. Contemptors are cool. Leviathons are so dope. Yeah. I like Redemptors as well.

Redemptors are pretty dope. Yep. I like the primarist ones. You got to run that almost dead body dry. All right. So, on a side note, with the dreadnots being talked about space marines dying, we're going to be talking about space marines making. We're going to be talking about the creation.

of a space marine. Oh, nice. Because there have been so many times when I'm like, I'm not exactly sure how a space marine gets made. Like, I know there are tithes that every planet has to, like, they have to send troops in. But I'm not exactly sure how it goes. And then there's like gene seed. And it's like, I'm not entirely, like, obviously gene seed is like the genes of like the emperor that got put into the person and space marine. But I have no idea what the process. Like, so I'm hype. Good. Being hype is good.

It means that you learn, you're gonna learn today, son. I'm learning. You're gonna learn. So it's time for knowledge. Because knowledge is power. Knowledge is strength. You mentioned the Imperial Tithe. The Imperial Tithe is more so taking soldiers to like the guard.

It's more just like, we need warriors. And, you know, you got to refo those guard ranks because we lose half of, a million dudes every battle. Right. So it's more of that kind of thing where it's like, okay, we're actually going and refilling the guard. However, space Marines themselves do go and recruit from potential aspirants in kind of all over the place.

Some recruit from their, well, most of the time they recruit from their homeworld. Some people can't do that anymore. There's these dudes called night lords. They don't. They don't do any recruitment from there. anymore. Let's say it's not your home, or let's say it's a different planet. Sometimes they'll recruit from hive worlds or like death worlds or feral worlds or world worlds. And they just kind of go there and they try to find people that are like really aspiring young candidates. Sometimes they'll even get

like a gang, like a really good gang fighter from a gang in a hive world or, you know, they'll go to some world that is kind of awful and terrible and they'll find someone who can survive the horrors of it quite well and like hey This guy could be pretty good and Naturally space Marines are revered Across the entire Imperium like most people will go their entire lives without seeing a single Astardis Yeah, and so the idea that your kid might get selected for the Astari's process is both like oh my god that's so fucking cool and

Simultaneously. It's like oh Oh, no, I'm never going to see my kid again. But oh my God, he's going to become a space marine. Yeah, that's like the highest honor you could bestow on someone almost. It's pretty damn high up there. And there's always the possibility they die in the training. But, yeah. So finding potential recruitments requires them to be at a pretty young age.

Recruitments are generally jumped between 10 years old to 15 years old. So pretty young, preteens, teenagers around there. because the main reason is because when they do all of the crazy grafting and organ implantation, it doesn't really take well if you have reached full maturity. Oh, okay. So often all the implants and things they add to them are dejected if they are at some age that doesn't really kind of work out. Right. Once they are actually taken, you know, they look for potential recruits.

Sometimes they find someone like, oh, this is the prized bare-knuckle boxer in this world or something. Like, oh, this kid seems pretty cool. So they go ahead and they snag him. They bring them over. And they're like, okay, you're going to learn how to be a space marine now. And then they start off with all of their rituals. Now, it's a lot like the assassinorum.

Not as bad as the assassins. But it's got a very good amount of, all right, it's time to learn. You and these five guys Fight to the death Go to town Or It's a very warhammer thing to do Yeah you guys show off your

Your physical and mental strength Sometimes they'll do these kind of crazy tests They call exposure tests Well they'll send you out into But fuck nowhere Or with like a bunch of crazy Carnivorous animals and be like All right

Survive for two days Oh or get to point A to point B, as fast as you possibly can, go. And then they're like physical indoctrination where they're constantly

change, like submit, like sometimes suspecting you to like pain or occasional bits of like torture. Yeah. To make sure you don't break, you know, mental indoctrination. A little bit of a little bit of mind-scaping.

I don't know there's any forget-me juice. Not much, I don't think. It's interesting that it's not as bad as the assassinorum. Like you would think the space marine training is like the most hardcore training because you're going to be a fucking space marine. So yeah, I mean, not that it's easy. I'm not trying to say it's easy, but it's interesting that the assassinorum actually trains their people harder

than a space marine candidate. Yeah, well, I think it's more the idea that the assassins have to be, unknown and unseen. The space marines command a lot of respect. They have brothers and friends and they walk around in their big old armor. And they need to be a symbol. They're the defenders of humanity where the assassins are an unknown force of like the precision scalpel.

Yep. And then as I was saying that I was like, well, I guess it makes sense. And that's why, you know, Talos had such a hard time with M-Shed and actually killing her. Yeah, they're fucking nuts. They're nuts. She looked down on a space marine. She was like, no problem. Well, there's also the Grey Knights that I forgot to mention.

They do forget me juice. They have their forget-me juice. Their special psychic forget-me juice. Actually, sometimes they'll do a little bit of that, too. They'll have librarians and psychers kind of throw a bunch of hallucinations and horrible shit into the mind of the aspirant and be like, let's hope you don't go crazy. Oh, boy. Um, psychers, librarians.

Well, I guess librarians are fine, but just psychers are... There's a lot of, there's a lot of, like, various training. They don't go super in depth on the exact kinds of tests. It's mainly because every single space screen chapter runs their own. Oh, so it's kind of different depending on what chapter decides that they want to try and recruit you? Yeah, well, yeah, because, like, being recruited, let's say back during the pre-herency era, You know, getting recruited by the world eaters It would probably involve a lot of gladiatorial combat

Where getting recruited by the ultramarines Probably just meant you how to do your taxes Oh They, when you get taken into the Imperial Fist They try to teach you how to read and they just can't get it right I don't know much about the Imperial Fist They actually have a pretty weird A really weird initiate thing

It's something called the Pain Glove Oh We'll talk about the pain gloves soon But often After you go through enough Of the mental and physical Kind of scalp It's not scalping

Sculping And eventually you get to the point of being I think it's called a neophyte I think I think they're referred to as neophytes Or something around those It's like aspirants and neophytes The two different variants And to the point where you start

Actually getting you shamed a shit fucked with. It's like, all right, now it's time for the surgery. It's time for the implants. Oh,

is this where they get like their second heart and four lungs and like two stomachs and shit? Pretty much. So they get not one, not two, but 19 new organs

who placed into their body. So one of them is the second heart. We know that one. Yeah. Uh, there's a slang called the osmodula, which, uh, secretes hormones to make the, uh, oh my God, these big words, epiphyphecile fusion. Okay. Ossification of the skeleton.

Uh, okay, okay. Uh, it makes the bones strong. All right. It makes the skeleton big. Oh, so they just give them some milk. To get big strong bones. So they grow big and strong. Are you drinking?

I see you drinking 1%. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You can be drinking whole if you wanted. I like that. That's definitely a good space rain memes. They just give them some milk. Get those bones being st long.

Drink your milk. Eat your vitamins. Anti-bone-herting juice. There's no bone-herting juice here. It's the bone-strengthening juice. It's the bone-not-hirting juice, as Shai says. There's also something called the Biscopia, which is a small spherical organ that helps regulate muscle growth. It's hormonal.

Okay. There's the hamestamin? Hamas. There's the ham. There's the ham leg. You get a big, big hawk of ham. Man, I can't pronounce any of these fucking words. I like the hamastama.

I like that a lot. The hamastamin. I don't care what it does or what it means. I just love the hamastammon. It makes their blood really, really efficient. Oh, okay. There's the Laramond's organ. That one's okay.

Yeah. It's a liver-shaped organ. It helps have like special lorriman cells which are released in the bloodstream when they're wounded and it helps for creating like instant scar tissue and protecting wounded areas. Okay. So it helps him scar up really quick. There's the catap-cata- fuck. Catelepsian.

Catelepsia. Catalypsy and node. Okay. Catalypsy and node. What does that do? It's a brain implant in the back of the skull. It's a hole drilled all the way back there. And it's a little pea-sized organ that helps mess with the response to sleep deprivation.

Oh. So often Marines don't have to sleep the same way humans do. In fact, often Marines don't really even need to sleep sleep. They kind of go into the state of like, you know when you put your computer on, on sleep mode. Mm-hmm. It's like that for four hours or so, where they're just kind of there. But then if anything, like, provokes them, they're immediately back up and normal again.

Gotcha. Gotcha. And that makes sense to give them because, like, you don't want your, you know, you don't want your space marines getting fatigue and, like, falling asleep or being like, oh, I'm so tall, I heard. What am I going to do? Like, it's a fucking space marine. I'm a fucking needs to be active at all times, right?

Yeah. I mean, it doesn't remove sleep, but it definitely helps. Yeah. There's the pre-omner, which is an implant that goes in the chest. It is a predigestive stomach to allow them to ingest, like, poisonous materials and not have any problems. That's why they can't get drunk. Yep. Except unless you're the space wolves.

There's the additional lung. That one's pretty obvious. There's the homophagia, which is interesting. This actually becomes part of the brain. And it is designed to absorb genetic material. generated in animal tissue as a function of memory or experience. So this allows the Marine with the ability to learn by consuming. Now, if you remember in the Nightlord's books we read,

often the Nightlords will lick the blood off their blades or even eat people because then they get like an after image of flickering of the person they ate's memories and their emotions and their feelings. Right. So a night lord might shank a torture dude and then lick his blade and he just like literally tastes their fear. Oh, boy. So. But any space brain can do that, right?

It's not like it's exclusive to the night lord. So any space ring could theoretically go all cannibal corpse and have the same effect. Okay. Just night lords like to do it because they literally like to taste fear because they're insane. Yeah. But like I think space wolves actually occasionally cannibalize. Um, they, they'll just eat people. Or they'll eat, like, their brain or something.

And then they, I guess the idea is that they learn the battle tactics of the opponent. Yeah. I think, I think that was actually an ability in game where if you killed a character and you could, you could like gain command points for, because you ate them or something. Oh, geez, the disrespect. Uh, though it also is helpful for the various flesh eating or blood drinking ritual. that some chapters tend to have. This is mainly blood angels because they're also crazy,

but in a different way. There's the oculope that makes your eyes really good and it lets you see in low light. Okay. That's pretty simple. There's the Lyman's ear. It makes it harder to be dizzy or nauseous. Makes sense.

Makes sense? There's... No. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, what is it? No. Did they get like a big... No, I don't want to say it.

Do they get like a big penis implant or something? What is it? Go ahead. The 12th organ is known as the soos and membrane. Oh, no, it was worse than when I thought it was. Look, I put it in chat. That's literally what it says. It's suss. It's the suss and membrane. It's suss and membrane. Oh, no.

It's suss. No. Oh. I hate it. I hate it here. This, this organ allows the space marine to contour his body in a way to allow him to sneak through things

like ventilation ducts or vents. Oh, you actually went with a meme. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. You motherfucker. Um, shit, what is it? We're so much more professional here.

We're more professional than that. I don't know. I can't tell what this actually is. I'm trying to read it, but I'm too blinded by imposters. Fuck them. We're going to go to, we'll do the most important one. This is something called the progenoid gland. Oh.

Now, the progenoid gland, you might know it a lot better as a gene seed. Hey, yeah, that's the one. Yeah, you know the gene seed. It is, and there are two types of these glands. One of them is deep in the chest, and the other one is situational. very close to the neck. Shai calls it the cum. I don't like that. I'm the same. I don't like that either. It's used for reproduction technically and it's called the gene seed. So yes, that is a way you could describe it, but but no. Yeah, let's not do that. It's the gene seed. This contains the gene seed and the gene seed is

corresponding to each zygote implanted in the marine and Basically, it is, of course, with, you know, genes, is the genetic makeup that is individual per primark. It is the, your father's gene seed. Your father's come. You know, if we're going to fucking do this. I hate this even more because I'm remembering the part in the Night Lord trilogy where they're, I think it was actually in Blood River, where they killed some space submarine. and over the comms, one of them's like, hey, Talos, if you want in on this kill, you better hurry up because Uzass is eating the gene seed. Yes, that's right.

And now I'm just like, oh, no, I don't like where this conversation is going, because now that that image takes on a whole different. Oh, so yeah, so yeah, Uzaz is consuming the cum chalice. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Anyway, it's really what makes you, to become a blood angel, an imperial fist or whatever, the gene seed gives you the genetic makeup of your primark. And it's the same reason why, say, the blood angels have a defective gene seed that causes like the black rage, for instance. Right.

Or the night lords, often, well, I think the night lords, they have pale skin to begin with, but the pale skin, the dark eyes. then you also have other kinds of ones like like as Vulcan Vulcans has like it makes Salamayers are very large people and it kind of works with that gene seed the skin color the bright red fucking eyes

all that kind of stuff and it all works through the gene sea and the thing is is that because space marines aren't particularly like born the gene seat is entirely used for the reproductive

like parts of recruitment. So in a sense, refilling numbers and recruitment is almost entirely based around a chapter's own requirements. They're the ones who have to do all the replacing. And so that's why they have a pot to carry is to salvage gene seed on the battlefield in case anyone dies because it's really important. That's true, because if you run out of gene seed, you can't really make any new space marines. It's, yeah, I don't know if there's any way to get more gene seed. I don't, I'm not, I'm not, quite sure. But point being is that, yeah, it's damn hard.

Getting gene seed is very, very important. Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to lose that. No. There's only, there's only so much sperm in the sperm bank, so. I thought you were upset with this, huh? I thought you were. Yeah, I was. And then, you know, we

we've taken it to a place where I'm like, well, fuck it. Let's embrace it. Embrace the coom. The coom. So with all of these implementations, of course, there's a very high risk that the person just rejects the organs, because even real life, transplants don't always work. You know, they might just reject the goddamn organs. But then there are also a couple other weird situations with the implants. Like the space wolves, their phase 17 implant is slightly mutated, so they start to gain canine teeth.

Oh, fucking furries. Jeez. Yeah It's a one way to do it The furies The furies grow go teeth And you know They got their gene seed

And all that stuff And the last one they get Is a thing called the black carapace And that's just That's like the final bit to make them Really really damn tough It's like a film of It's like a film of black plastic

Oh Which is put in the right beneath the skin of the marine It's really strange Oh, that is very strange, yeah. But it's also, I think it's also where they have a large amount of, like, transfusion points. So if you ever know as a space marine tends to have lots of, of, like, USB ports all over his body. Now all I'm imagining is a space brain that has a bunch of USB ports on him,

and he can never put the USB in, right? He's always, like, flipping it upside down. Like, damn it, it doesn't. He's always sticking the things in his armor trying to put him in the injection ports, and he's always like flipping him over. He always gets it right the third time. Exactly. Oh, man, I embrace that meme, unfortunately.

It's basically just a whole bunch of connection ports that your armor eventually like clips into or a vehicle, for instance, to allow them to have more of a seamless body to mines to armor thing. Right. Often, I think like, if we were in the book, I think when they were taking damage or something, it would say that the armor would inject them with like adrenaline or pain relievers or something. And it's from those injection ports.

Right, right, right. That makes sense. God, space marine armor is great, though. Good Lord. Having that connected to you is... It does fucking everything. It is an entire thing on all outside. It's got so much shit to it.

It is a lifesaver. It is. But also, once it's a... that's all dumb. That means the final implant has been done. And at that point, that's, I think, I think you're at around age 16 to 18 at that point. So you get your first one at between 10 to 14 years old, then the last one is to 18. So this is a good up to eight years of just training and surgery. Oh, wow. There's also lots of other, like, psychochemical conditioning. Like, they'll, They'll test you.

They'll, sometimes I make you like drink poison. Lovely. Just, let's make you do that. They'll do hypnotherapy, of course. Oh, yeah. To allow you to control your own metabolism. Indoctrination. Yeah, that'd be really nice.

I'm gonna eat three in and out burgers and then just shit it all out and not even care. I was about to say I can have so many more cheeseburgers. Yeah, but it's like, then it's just those levels of religious indoctrination sometimes. Not as much. I mean, they do have chaplains and ship, but they're not, you know, they're not sisters of battle. Yeah. But that's all of the more kind of creation parts of a space marine. It's undergoing tons and tons of training, tons of painful, painful surgery, and one out of every 20 of them tend to live.

Because, of course. Yeah. But the more fun stuff is the various recruitment ways they do for other. chapters. Okay. So let's talk about like the Imperial Fists for example. Rogel Dorn, right? Oh, Rogel Dorn.

Wait, wait, we have another box of check. Did you know Rogel Dorn can't read? This is like Adeptus, ridiculous bingo, right? Every episode we should have a bingo card. But does Berkey do a quote? Yeah. Does D.K. Slender the Ultramarines. Rogel Dorn can't read.

you know. Over five Jesuses from D.K. Oh no, whoa, whoa, you can't. That's, that's... The five Jesuses for me, that's like a free spot. That should just be the middle. Because, like, I'm going to get that, no problem. Like, if you're going to do D.K. says, it's got to be like... Bricke says abs. Or we just both simp over abs in general. Someone, someone make that bingo card, please.

Yeah, so I'm going to make a bingo card. Yeah. I'd like a good old bingo card. Every time you hit bingo, you got a... take a shot of forget-me-juice. Oh, no. We won't. We learned our lesson.

We learned our lesson. And then Shai posted sexy Rogaldorne, of course. Mm. Well, yeah, that is a sexy Rogel Doin. Rogel Doorn does look cool. I think we mentioned this. I regret making the Rogel Doorn can't read meme because he's so fucking cool, actually. Well, Rogel Dorn is in particular a very, we'll talk about Rogel Dorn later,

but it's fine. Point being, though, he does have some weird, goddamning recruitment stuff. Okay. So they develop a particular, like, culture with an obsession with conquering pain. They have this major obsession with, like, conquering the pain of the body. Oh, his recruitment process has got to be awful then. So they use this thing, right? It's called the pain glove.

Oh, no. This is... Oh, no. I wish... Like, I wish it was... It's the pain glove. Yep. I...

It's so strange to me, because I always consider Rogelor to be the taxes guy, like Gilman. And he does shit like this. The pain glove is imposed by superior officers, and sometimes is self-inflicted him. And it encases the whole body and stimulates the pain,

neurons, causing excruciating pain without any physical damage. But the thing is, is that it also turns off your body's receptors to pass out from pain. Oh. So you will go above and beyond the normal ability to pass out from pain in order to have a sense of negative reinforcement and reinforce quote unquote positive spiritual value. it is entirely based around causing an excessive amount of pain in order to make it so that your mind won't falter and what's like weakness is pain leaving the body

or pain is weakness leaving the body or whatever it is. Oh boy, that sounds all. Wait, but it's called a pain glove? Yes. But you said it like covers your body or is it just like literally glove you put on and it does all that? Um, I believe it covers your entire body. It's more like a skin suit, I think. Um, but you know, a glove, a glove isn't always necessarily, I mean, you could say it's like a glove glove, but you could also.

Oh, so it's like a body glove. Like it just cover. Okay. Okay. That's one way. I assume it's like a body glove. Yeah. Okay. Um, it says it covers in cases the whole body, so I'm going to assume. It's a skin suit. But they, they do it as a way to endure the extreme pain to discipline themselves and meditate in the glory of roguel Doran. Wow. To meditate in the glory of... Jesus. I mean, I guess he has a primark, isn't it?

Rogal Doran is like Venom Snake. He comes back to Mother Base and he starts randomly choking out his men and then he throws them on the ground and they stand up and they're like, thank you for that boss. Jesus, I am... I did not realize how hard. hardcore Rogaldorn was. Um, he's, he sounds like a hard dude. Well, he did kill Alfarious.

That's true. He did, didn't he? He fucked him up. He didn't. They also do something else. They go this thing called the phalanx, which is the largest ship, I think, in the entire Imperial Fist's arsenal. Uh, I think in, in the Imperium. I don't know. It's big. Um, and they have them go through something called the Tunnel of Terror. where they go through the entire the ship with extreme heat

cold empty space and it increases along the way and then when they pass it they get branded on their ass with the symbol of the imperial fists oh so they get their ass fisted

is what you're saying branded yeah with a fist so there's you know anyway sorry I was I'm reaching a little bit with that one, but that's fine, whatever. Continue. D.K., are you on the process

of becoming a space marine? You're really adding the... The sousin organ. No, no, not me. The susan membrane. Space marines are... Well, I guess space marines aren't boring. I just chaos things look cooler.

They do sometimes. They look a lot cooler, yeah. Do you want to the space wolves do? They make you drink a lot. And then they make you rest of, and beat each other to death a lot. And then often they send you to slang called the Bowels of the Fang

an area known as the Gates of Morcai to be scoured for impurity, which I think it's like a weird Valhollen style like mountain challenge or something. And then they occasionally do something called the test of Morcai where they're given something called the Canis Helix gene

and they, which I think it's like I think it's like some kind of drinking like a wolf and fucking drink. I'm not quite sure exactly what it is. They basically take you butt fucking naked and throw you outside into the cold of Fenris. Oh. After giving you this gene and they're like, if you live, come back. Whoa.

Trudge barefoot on fucking Fenris. And if you can survive the effects of this gene, make your way back to the hut. Whoa. what's crazier but like so how many people die in like these a lot because it's like you you already had to survive the wacky crazy just getting all these organs implanted in you all of this hypnotherapy and it's like oh finally i'm gonna get recruited into a space marine chapter And it's like you get recruited to space wolves

Get thrown out into the cold I hope you survive maybe Oh my God I think I think they do all this before they get their organs Because they don't want to waste gene seed Okay Though the pain glove is someone that's More of like

That that's something that even people who are completely Already space streets will do Because they get their spiritual purity Well, if you're already a space marine, the pain glove shouldn't be... Well, I mean, it'll be bad. It'll still be very bad. Yeah, yeah. They're fucking gimp, I don't know, man.

They put on a pain gimp suit. That's what it should be called. There's some other weird ones, too. I think the solomaniards just set you on fire. What? The salamanders are really... I think they set their hands. hands on fire?

Oh. And then they're little, they put, put their hands under like molten something. I don't, oh. They do, they have some like trial by fucking fire thing where they, where they're like, all right, put these gloves on and go stick your hands in lava or like go walk on the coals. You what are you a pussy? Holy shit. Salamanders, they don't take much care.

I love sallies, but they're quite, quite. quite rough to their recruits as well. Yeah. The Blood Angels one is... Oh my God. Okay, so remember how they're vampires? Yes, and the black rage and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So often aspirants are offered a chalice, which is rumored to contain a small portion of Sanguineus's blood by the priests. And after they drink the blood, often if they are... Then... If after they drink the blood... uh, sometimes they'll just straight up fucking die.

And they'll be taken away by the blood servitors. Okay. And sometimes they, they will drink the blood and fall into a coma. And then they are entombed into a casket for a full year. Okay. And if they adapt and survive the existence in the fucking coffin, they come back and they're able to become a space marine. That's a lot

So the recruiting process for a blood angel Takes a little time That's not like Oh hey you're immediately You're a blood angel now Like you at least have to wait like a year in a coffin Hopefully if you don't die Yeah

Oh my gosh Fucking jeez Okay cool That's 40K baby Let's go Yep That's Wacky

The vampire C coffin Long sleep You know Yeah I guess it does Fit their motif But that

Yeah that's Okay Yeah Fair Drink blood Become vampire Sure Drink blood

Become vampire It's the new Devsex game Become vampire It's like Rov fucking Shias This is

Rvute Gillum Guys I really need more Marines For War Blood Angels lol sorry coffin time you got away in at least

a year hey blood angels you're some more gene seed or no hey Gilliman can I get more gene seed for recruitment right yes for recruitment

actually goes in coffin like a boss yeah that doesn't seem super efficient on the blood angels part but it is what it is I still think the blood angels are cool though

and I think sanguineus is dope was sanguineus is dope blood angels are pretty dope There's some other subsections of chapters that are pretty interesting Okay There's a subsector of like a successor chapter that is They're called the exorcists

Oh boy So look at this two There's the exorcist and there's the death specters So the death specters have to die twice What? What? They go into like near death or death

and then and then they suffer horrible visions during the death and then they come back to then they're revived and then they do it again oh okay what is what does that accomplish

I dude I don't know something about you put them near death so they see horrible visions and then you make them do it again like is that supposed to like solidify their minds or just make them go bat-shick crazy and turn them into

psycho warriors? Like, that doesn't seem like a great thing to do to your guys. Okay, it's always the same thing and the same thing every time, which is physical slash mental endurance. If anything ever sounds incredibly stupid, it's most

likely because it is, but more importantly, it's going to sculpt you into a strong warrior. Yeah. That being said, it is incredibly dumb Thank you

I'm glad I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that was a little on the dumb side yeah yeah definitely little on the dumb side you say I was trying to think of a better adjective but I was like

no it's just dumb it's just dumb it's just stupid fuck it the exorcist chapter however they I am in surprise this is the allowed the Exorcist chapter

has the Neophyte undergo a demonic possession What by a demon and they must then therefore either do one of two things they must

they must either one reject the demon of their own will and strength or it must be exercised by like a librarian or something. That is... Exorcists are like mini gray knights

where they are entirely dedicated to killing demons and therefore the only way to truly know your enemy is to walk in their shoes. I say this very like slight underselling of events, but yes. How is that allowed in the Imperium where they actually let a demon possess? That's baffling to me. The amount of things that could potentially go wrong in that scenario? I get it.

It's supposed to try and be big and strong and like, hey, your whole thing is fighting demons so you can't let a demon possess you. You got to be... But holy shit. That's insane. Yeah. It also makes them really good at like warning off demonic possession. It's like getting the vaccine. You're getting the vaccine of demons.

Ah, they get the old double shot of demons, huh? They get the double shot of demons. The double wax, yeah. Madera, sponsored by corn. Oh, God. But it's very much in the idea that, yeah, it helps give them a good vaccination against demons, but at the same time, yeah, it's pretty fucking bonkers, and I don't know why they do that.

How exactly do they, like, do you just go to the demon store? Like, it's not like you're going to open up a chunk of war and be like, oh, yeah, just let the little one through. Just let the little gimpy demon through and let him possess them. Like, how exactly does that even work? Do you summon a demon? How, like... So, what are the few ways that the Iron Warriors are actually kind of cool?

is that the Iron Warriors were often lured demons into machines. And then when the demons take over the machine, they like trap them in there. And so it's like, hey, hey, come on, demon, let's go fight. Let's go, let's go, demons, demons. And they go in the thing and they're like, ha-ha, snagged. And then they use them as like fodder. That's actually pretty smart.

It's pretty cool. I'm assuming that maybe they do a similar thing where they can, they have like, what is the really spooky Jewish box? The famous one, the... Oh, I... Divik box. Divik box. Literally never heard of it.

It's supposed to be like the most haunted object ever or something of that nature. Okay. I think it's like a Jewish ceremonial thing and it's supposed to be super duper haunted and demons and everything. But I'm assuming they may maybe they got their own special little box

and they're just like, you know, go go gadget demon or fucking lick a tongue I choose you it's like a sure because I mean if you can lure them and trap them in a machine sure get a little good old box or hell you tell you tell take one of those machines

and just be like okay let the demon out and then possess the person but god that just seems so risky and for an imperium that is so fucking against anything demon warp whatever that they allow that to happen is absolutely fucking insane to me like that

seems like so upside down backwards inside out that it is very close to some prime fucking heresy that's the word i was looking where that sounds like some heresy for sure yeah um however i mean there are a lot of various really insane ones i don't know uh if i don't know some of like i feel like black templars would have a really really harsh one um i also feel like emperor's children would have a really bad one. I know Fulgroom isn't the nicest at times. Probably not. And I also know that he...

What's the term I'm looking for? Probably puts it in their ass. That's the term I was looking for. Yeah, I love how you're like, oh, what's the term I'm looking for? And I'm thinking, oh, he's probably going to come up with something like, oh, yeah, he does the scolianactic entombing. And you're just like, nah, puts it in their ass. Folgram does and probably gets the pegging.

He's all over the place. Well, there's, there's a lot going on with, with that, with those shenanigans. But often most recruit or most chattlers have really weird recruitment styles, obviously. You know, some, a lot of them times very painful. A lot of them very weird. You know, I'm sure that the, the comments will have some interesting ones. Because it's actually kind of difficult finding specific ones, but if there's any really good recruitment stories do share.

Perhaps I'll look at the perhaps I'll look at the comments this time to see if I can find some good stuff. Hey. Maybe I'll go down there and I'll be like, ooh, this is interesting. I didn't realize that the Iron Warriors did this.

Yeah. Shy, we're not going to talk about the demon collabo, okay? I've said this many times, but every time I'm like, hey, what's the da da da da da da Kalaba, the response from anyone that knows anything about 40K is like, no, DK, I'm not telling you about that.

That's awful. That's off limits. And I'm like, yo, after everything we talk about in 40K and how crazy it is, that this thing is awful. Like, how bad does it have to be for 40K to be like, no, we're not talking about it. You don't want to know. It's like, okay. It's, honestly, it's in a sense not awful in terms of how edgy.

Like, okay, it's one of those things where someone wanted to have like an edgy off contest. Mm-hmm. And, yeah, Shai makes a good point in hurry where she says, Night Lords do weird or shit than that, and they probably do. Oh. The thing is, is that this is very much an idea of just, I'm going to try to make the edgiest shit I possibly could for the sake of it. You know what? You know what?

We're at around 13.8K on Patreon. If we get to a clean 15K, we'll do a demon Kulaba episode. Oh, good call, dude. There you got. You want us to talk about, you want us to talk about the demonic fucking chaos space marine birthing chamber. We'll talk about it. It's a solid fucking idea, dude. What did I call myself in the beginning?

A professional shill? Yeah. Yeah. I will, I, mm-hmm. That's a pro move. Well done. I'm impressed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yes, of course.

Okay, calm down, Elvis. Oh, I'm going to have a heart attack and die. Oh, no. Because I was thrown out on the coal by some douchebag named Lord Logan Grimnar. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got to stock up on those deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. That's the real Space Marine recruitment, is to eat like Elvis and live. Yeah. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are great, though. Just don't deep fry them, guys.

That's just a bad idea. Might taste good, but just don't deep fry them. Oh, that's a good point. I forgot. The Ultramarines are the heroes of the Deven Kalava story. Now we definitely got to do it. Oh, what? Hero ultramarines?

Now we definitely got to do it. Fine. Just hit the Patreon goal and we'll do it. I'll sit through some ultramarine shit for you, guys. For me? Well, no, no, for the listeners. Not you. I don't give a shit.

shit what you want to ask you. What the fuck? What the fuck? All right. I'm under this episode now. We talked about our space Marines and I've been insulted. Yeah. My pride has been.

Check, check. My pride has been shattered. My bingo card is full. Let's go bingo, baby. I'm going to go get some demon, demon vaccinations. Oh, God. Shy wants me to talk about if space marines have dicks. Oh.

It's a common question that's a important. Space Marines don't reproduce the normal way and they have gene seed. The question comes down to our space marines castrated or do they still have penis? I think that they have Mommy Milky with Tiddy and penis. Totally fine. They have penis, but they don't use it because they literally have no sexual drive because it's removed during the fucking time frame of their creation. Space Marines do not fuck

unless they are emperor's children. My name has been Bricky. Goodbye.