Adeptus Ridiculous - OFFICIO ASSASSINORUM: THE INSTRUMENTS OF THE EMPEROR'S VENGEANCE | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

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Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous Podcast. My name is D.K. And today we're going to learn about some ridiculous shit in the world of Warhammer 40K from Bricky, a near lifelong fan of Warhammer. But before we get in today's episode, if you enjoy the podcast, have it over to patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous and consider supporting the podcast. If you do, you get access to our Discord. You get behind the scenes stuff like bloopers if they happen, some real,

spicy posters that have lots of abs and just real classy shit. There's also an Imperium Coon comic that is right now, I believe, it's on the second batch, and that second batch is exclusive to Patreon members, but it will be available to everyone for free at Adeptus Ridiculous.com a little bit later. So definitely, patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous, and consider supporting the podcast. Ricky, merch and the book club reminder. Merchandise, Orchidate.com. We have shirts. We have hoodies.

We have Doge Van Dyer stickers, which are actually almost out. We're going to order some soon, but if you don't want to wait. Also, if you spend over 75 bucks in the U.S., you get free shipping. I do want to do dice as well as more merch. However, I'm having some slight issues with a hiring problem and dice problems. So until then, that's what you got. Buy it anyway, because we love money. As for the book club, we have the first of the trilogy from Aaron Dembsky Bowden of Soul Hunter of the Nightlords.

D.K., you still enjoying it? Oh, man, it's so chef's kiss. I'm down to, like, the last three hours in the book, and I'm just like, oh, I'm not sure I want this to end yet. Don't worry, you got two more books. That's true. That's true. But I highly recommend you make sure you give that a listen on Audible. We will be doing an episode on that come early August.

So, D.K., speaking of Imperium Coon Comics and the Skola Progetium and the excellent, excellent that has been put together. Shy, I'm not quite sure the name of the person you hire for that, but whoever you did a I think that's my favorite I think it's my favorite it's really good the orc one is like

the orc one's like fun but it's also a little more concise that one's just just really good is it noddle noddle or new I always at first I said noodle and then I was like no

it needs the second O because it's spelled N-O-D-L-E and I was like noddle noodle whoever you are you're doing you're doing God's work you're doing the emperor's work

oh right the emperor's work Sorry, I don't want to turn this into a chaos promotion. Yes, let's not do that yet while we're reading the Nightloor's book. Yeah. That's true. It's technically not an... It's a parody. Ah, yes, of course, a parody.

Yep. Yes. Anyway. Yep. Nod's head. Check. But we are going to be talking a little bit more about the Scholar Progenium today. In a different avenue, we're going to be talking about assassins.

Oh, that's right. I forgot about it. the assassins that'll just straight up steal someone, throw them on a boat, and hopefully you survive the boat, and if you do survive the boat, great, you're an assassin now. Awesome. Okay. Well, not quite that easy. It's great. You get to now be in training for assassin. It's not actually, it's like applying for college, except the application process is Fortnite about to get down. Ten million kills on the board right now, just wiped out a full planet with exterminatus. It's like that kind of thing.

Yeah, it's the old chug jug. The old chug. I unironically think the chug jug remixes are fucking hilarious. I've only heard a little bit of the original one and then I threw my monitor out the window, so I haven't heard

any of the remixes. It's because you're old. Well, yeah, but still you make it sound like, it's a masterpiece, right? I was about to pull off like a SpongeBob reference, and then I forgot that

you're old. Oh, come, rude. Rude. SpongeBob is for Lose. Oh, God, everybody's going to hate me in the comments. There's literally an episode where Mr. Crabs wakes up and he's really tired, and the background music is just your old.

Oh, no. I'm surprised that hasn't been used on me yet with all the boomer shit that I say. Yeah, but you have to make up for all of me and shy zoomer shit. Even though,

even though what, we're like a, like a 45 year difference or something. 45 year difference. 425, you dick. Oh, 425. I thought you said 45.

I was like, what? How old do you think I is? How young am I? Yeah, or how young are you? Jesus. Okay.

Anyway, okay. The assassins. Speaking of killing old people, let's talk about the assassins. Whoa. What a Dean Kamen. Whoa. You know, Dean Kamen's pretty old. The assassins are coming for him. So, oh yeah, another reason to join the Patreon, we literally have a Dean Kamen emote in our Discord.

Oh, that's the only reason you need. That's the only one. You only have to do like the $2 tier anyway. Get that Dean Kamen. Anyway, the officio assassinorum. O-F-F-F-I-O. I guess you could say aficio, or officio, one of those two. Assassinorum. There is both a lot and also not a lot of lore on the assassins. They do enjoy the concept of, hey, we only know what the Imperium kind of knows,

and a lot of our history and lore of the genre of 40K is based around imperial records. and they obviously keep a lot of this quiet. Yeah, they're assassins. I imagine they don't want to go around telling everyone that they exist, what they do, who they've gone after. Yeah, I imagine the assassins want to keep their shit quiet. They do, and they keep it real quiet. Because ironically, almost every faction has assassins of some kind.

Even like space marines have snipers and, you know, like eliminators or, guards have assassins. Even, even orcs have commandos spelled with a K. Ork assassins. They have a special rule called the throat slitters.

Oh, okay. Their main, they have a little, you got a little war boss guys. They have his boss Snickroth. It's pretty great. I would almost imagine

that the orcs wouldn't like assassins. Because they seem like they're a little, a little sneaky and they're a little eh, and like, because a normal orc would probably just want to be like, yo, like, I'm going to go up to you,

I'm going to head butch you in the mouth, and then I'm going to gather up all your teeth after I rip your head off or something. Other orcs don't like them a whole lot because of that. They still get a lot of fighting, and also they wear like Splinter Cell head gear, which is kind of fun.

An orc wearing splintercell headgear? Okay. That makes her cool mini. I think they're actually quite strong in the new Codex, which is very exciting to me. But they actually are pretty dope. Shai has a picture right there.

The Spleners sell headgear and so they're pretty dope looking. Wow, that is not as goofy as I thought it would look on an orc. That actually looks pretty, that actually looks pretty cool. It gives them like a little Rambo vibe. Kind of reminds you the cat-ton. Anyway, the assassins, of course, every faction has their assassins,

but the official assassinorum is like a gritty. of nothing but assassins and they're trained to such a degree that it makes it a little bit ridiculous. Let's let's go with a classic bricky quote. This is the decree assassinorum. So I guess it's just like the Assassin's Creed or Decree. We do not deter. Yeah, I know, right? It's an honor among thieves or whatever.

We do not determine the guilty. We do not decide the punishment. We are merely the cold instruments of the emperor's vengeance. There is no form of death unknown to us. There is no form of terror beyond our means. There is no enemy outside our reach. We are the blade that hovers over the throat of the traitor. We are the bullet that awaits the heretic skull.

We are the poison in the throat of the alien. That's it. Pretty standard assassin shit. Sounds assassinating. There are a lot. Ironically, the assassin's temple is a lot less Well they're pretty fucked up

But they're not like They feel less zealotus If that makes any sense They're a little They're a lot more like get the job done They don't seem like they bother with a whole lot of Of sisters of battle level like prayers They're more like

Could use that time for training I guess Yeah so in their off time They're not going to be like Worshiping a statue of the Emperor or or Reefiard scriptures together or singing the praises of the emperor, they're just going to be like, hey, we're going to go get the job done, and then we're going to train in our spare time so that we can get the job done better because we're fucking killers.

I'm sure that they still do some of that. They probably, they probably like before they leave on a mission, they probably like kneel down to a statue. They can say like some prayers and then they leave. Sure. But yeah, they're not, they're not the sisters of battle. They're not that insane. They're not extremists.

like the sisters are that take it to the next level. So the officio assassinorum, the actual grandmaster of the officio assassinorum, is on the High Lords of Terra. I believe he is a High Lord of Terra, if I'm not mistaken. So he's a pretty important figure. And the person who actually started the assassinorum was our good man, Malcador the Sigelite.

Hey! He was the first ever grandman. master and the founder of the officio assassinoram in case you needed him to be sketchier. I was going to say it makes sense because he's kind of shady. He's all power. I want to say all powerfully. He's very strong. Yeah, it makes sense.

Sketchy robed, uh, mage dude is, is leading the assassins. Yeah, sure. I get, I, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, he's just kind of like a frail old man, but he's this gigabrain. Malcador is like literally the meme of the guy who, whose brain is so big, he's using it as a chair. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's, that's Malkador.

He's just a guy, but he's an insane guy. He, you know, we talked about him with the Alpha Legion episode and how he assisted on, I am Alfarious. And, and. In his growth, yeah. In his growth. In, in the shadows. I was about to say, I hadn't seen that gigabrain, like,

the meme of the guy using his brain as a chair and then shy posted in chat, and I was like, oh, okay. Yep, that's, that's what he is. That's Malcador right there. Yep, agree. So, oh my God, what the fuck is that shy? What the fuck is that?

Holy Jesus. Why, they're spider legs? I was going to say, why is it on metal spider legs in fish tanks for its feet? Why does it look like a sloth? Oh, God, it is a sloth. Oh, God. I really want models of the sloth. I do too, because I hate them so much.

They're so repulsive and desolate. disgusting looking, but they're so strong. Ugh. It's a bad morning. This is a bad morning. All right, well, we can talk more about the assassins. So when you

want to become an assassin, you don't get to choose to become an assassin. The assassin temple chooses you. Now, naturally, like I mentioned before, in the Scola's, like, hey, Jimmy hasn't come to lunch at a couple of days. That's weird. Is he in the walls? He's like, no, he's not on the walls. He's just

gone and it's like somewhere in the far reaches the space and Jimmy is in like triple gravity on a on a fucking boat and he's like shanking children for scraps of bread and then and then blaring in the loudspeakers you're like yeah fortnight got's about to get down get down we're back to chug jug hug huh we're back to dude it's literally a battle royale on the boat I know but I you don't have to chug jug can you imagine little jim me 12 years old in like like the temperature is 106 the gravity's been doubled he he's he's shaking his buddies for scraps of food and he's like crying and just really loud in the black background you just hear like yeah wiped out tomato town my friend just got down oh that's so bad i revived him

and said it's outbound like did you ever watch the walking dead dk uh i watched like the first maybe two or three seasons and then it was just like, oof, this show is bad. They're struggling. They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel. They were, but there's this great, there's this great part in like the fifth season or something where,

it's not really great, but Daryl is like, is like captured and they're constantly playing that song where it's like, we're on easy street and it feels so sweet. It's like a really sweet song, but they like play it 24-7 as like a form of torture. Right.

And so I'm just thinking that where, Yeah Can you imagine The drill Abbott Is like on a giant stage Watching the kids kill each other He's just doing the orange Orange shirt kid dance

All the commissars are default Dancing in the background While all the all the children Are fucking killing each other Mm-hmm If I could use A boomer reference It sounds a lot like

In Clockwork Orange Where they are doing that home invasion Oh shit What was the song Is it singing in the rain Yeah and they do the thing to the old lady. The dark Eldar thing.

Yeah, the dark Eldar thing to the old lady. Is it singing in the rain? I think it's singing in the rain. Yeah, and it's just like, oh boy, the juxtaposition is such a happy song with what they're doing is like... Stanley Kubrick would direct a great Scola Progenium TV show. Oh, God, yeah. Can you imagine that? If you were going to get someone to direct it, please.

The up, mm-hmm. Perfect. Can you, oh my God. TV show, live action TV show, Kids in the Scola Progenium, directed by Stanley Kubrick. Good fucking God. It would be the most nightmare fuel shit ever.

As if the scola was not nightmarish enough. You get Stanley Kubrick to do a TV series on it, and that's, whoa. I'm ready for, I'm ready for shy to name this episode. the official assassinorum Fortnite in the 41st millennium. The thumbnail has to be one of the assassins

chug-jugging with like an actual like energy thing. No, I want all four of the assassins to be doing like the point finger during the default dance at the same time. Make it happen. Make it happen. Tell Ted to double time it.

Yeah, double time, Ted. Yep. Mm-hmm. Anyway. If they don't, then by God, internet, please, please somehow animate or get a model of an assassin and make them do the default dance. You've rewarded me with my Latara pictures. I am asking for a new level here. Not just Latara pictures, Latara ab pictures.

We got to make sure everybody's aware. You know, I didn't really mention this a lot because we didn't get a really chance to be. You know, like, the end of that book? she's like fucking super depressed she's like well well I guess she would wouldn't she she's like barely holding on she's like breaking as a person because of how

far the world leaders have devolved she's like barely surviving it's actually really sad but you know but you know fuck that give me a six pack she's really sad she's barely holding on everything she knows and loves is falling apart all around her

and she's just on the brink and we're just like nice abs ladies She's like looking down At least I still have my six pack And then she just like immediately gets fat It's like oh no Like a Seinfeld clip

As soon as you said oh At least I still have my abs for some reason I just imagined her going up to that ab window On the ship that we had just Mustings At least I still have my abs Bam And then she breaks the glass

And then she gets like sucked down to space She gets spaced Or no her just her abs Just her abs get sucked out in the space And then just This is, this episode has gone off the rails. Okay, we need to get back on track. So, okay, so legitimately you are taking from the scola, you put on the ship, you actually are fortnighted.

They do a new, like numerous tests. They increase gravity, they decrease gravity, they remove oxygen, they add different gases, they, any kind of like horrible situation you might end up in, either on a starship or on like a death world, they want you to have to experience so you can understand how to deal with it when you're in the situation. Makes sense. Most of them die, obviously.

And the ones that don't die are inducted into the Assassin's Temple, where it's equally like a high chance of death. I think they're a little more careful with them because assassins are such important figures Right. But even so, they're still incredibly, like, you know, harsh. With the exception of the Colucusis assassins, which are the blanks, the people, the psychic blanks,

they're actually a lot more careful with them because blanks are rare in general. Blanks that make it to the temple are incredibly rare, even for the world of 40K. They're actually surprisingly quiet. on that one. Do 40K people like blanks a lot or do they find them creepy? Because like they hate them. Okay. Because I was going to say psychers tend to get a little creepy and they're a little off putting

to people because they're, you know, insane. So I was thinking like maybe people actually like blanks because it's like, ah, it's someone that, you know, the psychers hate. Screw those psychers. No, blanks because they have no soul. Remember they kind of create this aura. of uneasiness. Oh, right, right, right, right.

So often a lot of blanks are like strangled in their cribs because they're like, I had a baby and the baby. If I go near the baby, I want to throw up. So often, often people will do stuff like that. But which is why it's so rare to even get a blank in general that lives and even rarer for one that can survive the fortnight. So anyway, once all that happens, they are inducted into multiple. of, or multiple kinds of temples.

And there's the four main temples that we know of. There's the Vindicare, the Caledis, the Eversore, and the Colucusus. Those are the four main assassins you know of. Those are the four main assassins you could actually take in the game. There are actually a couple other less notable temples, four of them. The venum. Veninum? What the fuck?

That's going to say, don't ask me. The, the venom. The Venenum, whatever. All right. The Vanis, the Maoris, and the temple secretum, or secretum. So there's a couple more after that. Talking about the specific temples, there is the Vindicare. We'll start with them first.

We know the Vindicare very well. It's the sniper guy. Oh, okay. He is the most classic. When you think of an assassin, you think of snipers, very simple. The Dictatus Vindicare, also known as the Maxim of the Vindicare. temple is Exodus acta probat which is the outcome justifies the deed. Ah, they sound fun.

Yes. The one, a quote from the Vindicare assassin is one or a thousand, I will kill them all. So he's very, he's very, very quick. So the Vindicare assassins are obviously expert marksmen. That should go without saying. They are quiet, they are silent They are very sneaky And the idea

Particularly of the Vindicare Is that they are trained heavily in stealth and evasion And also in battlefields mapping I want to know exactly what the best spot is to be in In order to get the kill I need Um Often they find the position And they are there for days or weeks

Like I in scope the whole time. And they kind of enter this weird set of like hyper, hyper, um, hibernation in a weird way. Right. And then in that time, right, oh, go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, I've, I've heard that like, um, actual like snipers, uh, in, like, the military, they'll, they'll do that. They'll stay in their sniper spot for like days, weeks, just sort of waiting for that, like,

Primo shot or like just to make sure and do reconnaissance and stuff so that I mean that sounds like it's actually like based in what an actual sniper would do like the concept of course increase in a 40k time because the sniper probably in real real life would be there for a couple days maybe if they need to Yeah but they wouldn't be there for weeks I think and they wouldn't be there for weeks and And not for weeks with their eye in their scope the whole time. Yeah, probably not eye in scope the whole time. Probably. Probably. I'm no military sniper, but we can assume that they probably take a break from the scope every now and then.

Yeah, it makes sense. And then at that point, you know, they take their shot from miles away sometimes. Like actual miles. And then they have the precision. They know the wind speeds, all kind of stuff to just make them. that shot slice right through the jugular from three miles away. There's only so much I can explain about them being good shots. Yeah, they are very good shots.

They are the, they're 40K marksmen. They know what they're doing. They do. They're often actually employed to kill, like, people who they think are hosts of demon entities, like a human or maybe even an Eldar that might have a hardcore demon chilling inside them. and they try to kill them before the demon can actually manifest.

False prophets. The false members of the Ecclesiarchy very often take the bullets. Often, just one shot, and then they leave. And that's that. They often have their own ship. Or they have someone piloting it that's like waiting for them in a super hardcore stealth ship. The Vindicare assassin, another one.

This guy's quote, His name is Vindekar Assassin Cognomen Designate L11V1. They obviously don't really have names. No kidding. Very often. One strike from the shadows and I can change the tide of battle. It's pretty simple. I mean, it's true.

It's true. Do their sniper rifles have any like super 40KE things or is it just kind of like a 50-Cal or something? Well, it's definitely a big ass bull. it. The things they have are called the Exodus rifle and the Exodus pistol. Obviously the pistol is a backup. I like that. I like that name. An Exodus rifle?

Exodus. They're handcrafted by the Mechanicum, because of course they are. Of course for sure. They never jam. They never overheat. They have never failed once. Without the enemy like maybe blowing

it up. They have little computers inside of them to help manage and figure out framing. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, that's a hell of a gun. It is. I use a special ammunition constructed from, and I quote,

special heavy gravity alloys to penetrate all forms of protection. It's really good at blowing through space marine armor. It has an incorporated... I was about to ask, how does it do against ceramite plate?

It just straight through it. Like it's butter. It has a... telescopic site, it has an integrated suppressor often. It has multiple kinds of ammunition. There are exodus rounds, which are programmed to self-destruct. If it is, the rounds are disintegrated as if it was destroyed by a virus and they'll never be seen again. So the bullet that you shot them with will literally not exist.

So there's literally no way to trace it back. It's like, oh God, he just, he got shot and there's no more bullet. There's a giant hole in him and there's no bullet. There's the shield breaker round, which overloads shields. Or also, who would have guessed? There's also hellfire rounds, which are particularly great against bio matter. They have a entire... Yeah, they have a whole vial full of bioacids.

And so once it hits you, it just kind of opens up and then it just like spreads through your body like a cancer. Oh, oh God. Okay. As if it wasn't bad enough to get snipe. That one alone is pretty rough. There's also the turbo penetrator round, which I find the funniest fucking name. It's a two-stage charge.

It has like a needle kind of thing in the front, and then once it goes through, it'll then have like its second round, and then it goes boom. There's no case. kill like overkill. All right, sure. You can also tell

that I've been reading the Night Lord because when you were talking about the armor piercer, I was like, oh, how's it doing a ceramic plate? And then he's like, oh no, it's got a hole in them. They're dead.

Yeah, it's... The, uh, I mean, the Vindicare, as cool as he is, tends to be a tad bit, like, I don't want to call him boring,

but he's very vanilla. He's a sniper. Yeah. He's only interesting when he pulls the trigger. That's when you get the spice. Vindicare's are humorously referred to as orc snipers by the community and sometimes in lore. Like if Inquisition gets someone killed among space marines or guard or something, people just say, hey, orc snipers got him.

Don't ask questions. That's funny, shy. I didn't know that. That is, that's pretty great. I like that little tidbit of lore. Obviously, they also have that black skin stealth suit. The suit is known as Sin's skin, which allows him to have a chameleon-laced material and lets him blend in with his environment. It kind of like changes colors to assist where he's at.

It also helps him against poison, gas, allows him to move very quickly. Obviously, it's like a skin suit, so it's very, very movement freedom. Also, he has the spy mask, which imagine just having. like a gigabrain computer in your face. The thing could do whatever the hell it wants. This doesn't even matter. I mean, if you got a computer in your rifle, I would, I was imagine that their,

their helmet and mask has some pretty, pretty choice shit in it. Uh, shy, I, if Doge Van Dyer required all ripped ass dudes to wear skin-tight black leather, you know, you know, he only ever sold the women as concubines, so I don't think he swung that way. Um, I would, I would, I would not put it past him, though.

Not, Doge Van Dyer probably didn't require all ripped ass dudes to wear, uh, skin-type black leather. But as, as far as I'm aware of Doge Van Dyer's, uh, lore that we've made, it's just, they, they don't wear shoes or socks. All the assassins had to wear no shoes. Yeah, they're just barefoot, you know, it's like, but, but, but, but we need, how are we going to sneak through? And he's like, no. No, no. Let me take the pictures of your feet They put them on wiki feet

Listen to here A temple assassin 1, 2, 3, 3, 74 Hit Man 47 Give me your feet So the next assassin The next assassin is The Caledus assassin

Also known as Devant Arts favorite This is Quote To assume the shape of the accursed And deliver death From the purity within you That is to be Caledus. That is the Dictatus

Caledus. These are mainly women. I don't know if they're all women, but they're definitely mainly women. Oh, is this where Emshen is from? This is Emshen's temple, correct. Okay. Shy posted a picture, and I was like, oh, I see what she mean by Deviantar's

favorite, but I was like, that's Mshen. That is Mshen. She killed Conrad. She did. So the callous assassin are known for deception in terms of trickery and also espionage. They actually have, Jesus Christ, Shy.

I am a boss to you alone. Shy, I've tried to do an episode here. We're trying to do an episode here. You were just as off the rails as we are. Way more off the rails than we are. We were just talking about Doge Van Dyers' affinity for, you know, naked feet and shy's out. out here with, how would you describe that?

I don't, I'm not even doing it on the screen, everyone. So you can, you can make your own based judge. Shai, if you're gonna do anything, on the bottom left hand corner, I see a Patreon link. You increase that, you give them the sauce by God. Anyway, like I was saying, so they're definitely into the deception of body changing drugs, as well as their suit.

So the thing about the callologist is that often women, they don't have that ponytail and they have like a neural, like little pew-poo gun. It's like a neural analyzer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever the hell it's called. And then they also have their big knives. But the idea is that with their suit and their drug known as polymorphine,

it allows them to literally shape-shift. Oh, as soon as you just said polymorphin, I was like, oh my God, they're shape-shifters. Oh, my God, that's, they're literally shapeshifters. They actually, change into men, women, even sometimes orcs, even though that's much more rare and much more difficult to pull off because of their size. But they often will change into the look of a,

like a guardsman general or a traitor general or any of these kinds of things. And they will constantly do that. And they will be in like a position for sometimes years, two to five years of like, like they, they become brutus. They're brutus for a long time. And when they're finally alone, they're gonna do a shank.

That is, that is the long con. That is deep undercover. It's not just that, but like it's also Eldar, Tao. They can change into tons of different people. And through their like research and knowledge of the alien combined with

their ability to so easily shape shift, they're able to adopt. that appearance for such a long time that they don't need to really worry about it anymore and then they can kill their target and then leave it's apparently it takes extremely strong will to control it's very painful it's it's very mentally damaging and that's why it's only used for assassins i would imagine it is pretty rough to go through since you are literally reconfiguring your entire body and changing the bone structure of yourself so yeah i i imagine now would fuck you up a little bit, sure.

A little bit. People like them a lot as a way to get rid of chaos cults. That's probably their biggest and most useful thing is a chaos cult is springing up on a world. They go in there, they kill all the leaders, and then they don't have to exterminate on the planet or something. Or they kill them before, say,

a major, like, demon incursion. As we are aware, and as you know, M. Shen is the name of the most famous callus assassin who killed Conrad Kurz. Grant him definitely was allowed to be killed by Conrad Kurz. Oh absolutely. Because

of course. But at the same time did not last long after that. No. Due to the effects of one soul hunter. Yep. But and didn't,

Granton put up a fucking fight. Mm-hmm. Which is, I mean, kind of hard to put up a fight against a against a night lord that knows I mean it's kind of hard to trick the night lord it's kind of hard to trick in a starty once he's already got his eyes on you and you're like fighting him

yeah but it's kind of nutty to the point where when someone can unload full auto bolter fire on you and the person is just dipping and diving with like a half inch from every single shot like she's made of fucking fog it's kind of cool um also So you know that sword you see on our arm? Yes.

That's known as a Caton phase sword. Oh. It is a living metal weapon made from the necrodermis of the necrons. Oh, shit. I mean, I guess once you said living metal, I should have made the connection, but, oh, really? Mm-hmm. It was excavated a long time ago by some Mechanicus boys, and they actually have it made of the necrodermis living metal for the, for the, Katan, which is, you know, either they don't know what they picked up or they are doing some

real heresy. But like I mentioned before, the assassin temples are a lot more get the job done. So. Does the living metal sword thing work the same way that like Necron skin works? Like, can you not break it and it'll just always like regenerate or? I'm assuming. Though at the same time, no one probably was able to break it to. begin with because it's so goddamn

because they're so goddamn fast. Fair enough, yeah. If they kill a damn assassin, it's most likely not through the use of breaking their blade, but more like obliterating them or some things they have to. Yeah. Okay. Did they actually leave death cards too?

Oh, they have calling cards too. Well, that's cool. Okay. They tend to place the calling card in a use for terror, and the calling card projects a hologram of the victim's face on the moment of death with a loop recording of their screaming. Oh my God. That's such a fucking 40K thing to do.

I know. They want to get the terror out there. Like, you guys got to make sure you don't do heresy, calling card. They'd fit right in with the night lords, which is ironic to say about them since, you know, M. Shen is the one that killed Conrad. But that's, that seems like a night lord thing to do where you just inflict the terror and everybody's afraid of you now and everybody's going to fall in line because oh fuck i don't i don't want my dead screaming face to be on repeat when they find me fuck that like fuck that that's a lot of

bullshit uh so the next temple we're going to talk about is the ever sore temple these are the re temple boys um that i have no better way to describe it um sow the seeds of damnation and i shall reap the souls of the tainted or quote unquote fear me for I am your apocalypse is the Dictatus Eversore These dudes

These dudes I know These dudes are the goddamn guys that get drugged up like mad And are put into cryosleep I don't remember if I told you specifically about this But these guys are basically Clockwork Orangeed They are are mentally

like just barraged with death, destruction, horror, gore, pain, ecclesiarchy, hymns. And then they are shoved with as much LSD and toxins and murder, death, shit that they can stick inside of them.

They're given a gauntlet made of needles and a gun made of needles. And then they are put in, they're drugged up to such a degree where they are a gigantic walking, drug bomb and they are put into cryosleep and then they are dropped from orbit somewhere

where they need to get their job done and then they break out of it start like screaming at the top of their lungs and murder everything in sight oh boy this that definitely sounds like some some scola shit with like the clockwork oranging them pumping them

full of drugs but holy shit so you wouldn't use these guys if you knew that your allies were in range because it sounds like they're just so unstable and they're so I mean

they're born and bred to only want to kill and murder and maim and destroy like although DK did you actually just tell me slash ask me if the Imperium was worried about friendly casualties

you know as soon as I said that I was like I guess they probably might not give a shit memes aside you are right you are correct Hey wow Imperium Caring really A little

A little bit So the concept is that These guys forego all stealth Obviously And their Their job is like Okay there's a whole chaos cult down there I want you to kill all of them

Like I don't want anyone to come back. And to the point where that's the idea is that they kill everything in sight in their complete psychotic rage. And they're moving at the speed

of light because they're so goddamn drugged out. Their giant claws just rip out like chunks of people's flesh while at the same time spitting poison from the needles. They have needle guns. They're

I mean, this is the most straightforward, besides the vindicare of them all, where it's just, ain't nobody, ain't nobody gonna notice if no one's left to notice. Does the, what does their needle gun do? Is it just a poison gun that just spews poison

while they just rip and tear and all that? It's got a, it's like an executioner pistol. It has multiple options. You can either fire it as like a bolt pistol or a needle. And the needle, when it hits the victims, it blasts open and it cracks inside their body and it hits them with neurotoxins.

The gauntlet does the same. And it still does have a power sword though too in case they need to stab like spaceboards. They sound like the human variation of like, what is it, the destroyer cult for the... Oh, the Necrons, yeah. For the Necrons. So that just all they care about is destroying everything. Just everything gets oblit, although the Destroyer Cult might... do it at a more efficient level since they want to just all of it's dead.

They're like the ecosystem, the ground, the water, the atoms in the air. But still, I mean, after all the drugs these guys have been pumped with, they might think the same. So I don't know. They do. And what's best is that you know what happens if they die? They blow up in a cloud of poisonous gas. You did it.

Well, not quite. Yeah. Oh. Sort of. They blow up in a thermonuclear explosion. Oh, okay. Okay. What is there like a, uh, uh, uh, oh, like Predator.

They have a little Predator gauntlet that just, I think, I'm assuming it's a much larger explosion. It's probably not like a nuclear explosion, but it's probably a much larger one, like, unlike Predator or Predator explosion was big, but I think they can like level, level like half a town. the idea is like yeah they've got like a bio bomb in them and if they die like life science

negative deploying bomb bomb big boomba if the callous assassin was was extreme boba this one's extreme bomba oh no big bomba versus big boba

boba or boba sorry boba i got my memes mixed up bobba these nuts anyway as i was saying that's the ever so

and i was gonna be like man i'm kind of thirsty boba and now i'm just like nope you're kind of thirsty for some boba dk you got a little thirsty for some boba you want to put some dudes and some black leather

and check out their feet picks huh oh stop I don't filter my coffee through bees I filter my coffee through toes. Oh, no. I'm just imagine.

We made the feeding gallery. There's no, there's no God. The Emperor wanted no God. There's no God. God has abandoned this podcast. These nightmare vision goggles. Everything looks exactly the same. Oh, no.

I wonder how, I wonder what she's going to put up on the screen for all this. Probably just the things that she's using right now Including the sad Wackow. Yeah, yeah. That bunny? What is that? Rabbit? You don't, that's it. You don't know the animaniacs? Oh yeah. I was gonna say, man.

It's been a while, sorry. I hate to admit it, but the animaniacs are a little on the old side now, aren't they? They are, aren't they? Unfortunately. Anyway, so the last big ten, I want to talk about is the Colucuses Temple. All right.

That which is unknown and unseen always command the greatest fear. The Eldar, Eldar, the people who butt-fucked a god into existence, describe them as the purest form of evil. Whoa. Also, I was going to say, it wasn't confirmed that it was just butt-fucking that, you know, brought... I know it's a lot more than butt-fucking. Yeah, I'm just clearing it up for any new viewers.

You know, it wasn't just. There was a lot more to it than just. Anyway, sorry, I don't know why that immediately. See what you've done to me this episode? This is not my fault. You signed up for this. This is your fault. This is somehow, this is your, anyway, go ahead.

Keep going about the unseen most evil beings according to the Eldor. This is the blanks, right? This is the pariahs, the blanks. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. This whole fortress, because, because, each temple, like they're called temples because they're literally temples.

Each temple is actually like, oh, I love that picture that shy posted. That's the newest one in the new codex. Yeah, like... That's terrifying. It's pretty horrid. It's pretty horrid. The blanks basically

have that thing on their head that enhances their power of their innate, like, blank ability. And so it's a battle helm that can either muffle or focus the power, whatever that's required. So if they want their aura to just be at max, they can do that or lower it if they're within the area of like, you know, allies.

Oh, okay. Or they could lower it if they want to be like kind of sneaky and sneak up on you so you don't feel their aura and then just crank that shit to max and just blow your face off. Often being in the same room, as a blank is hard enough. It's very difficult to even be in the same room as one in general.

This one can turn it up to the point where it can literally drain the soul of a psycher. And it uses it to power its giant helmet and it has a big laser and it shoots you with it afterwards. Damn! Okay. Is it that...

Should I just post another picture? The giant lasers like the eye thing. The eye thing, yeah. If you see in the first picture, he's kind of like sucking the energy into the eye, the big laser. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that sounds like it'd be horrifying to be in the same room with that, but that sounds like a really dope attack. It is. The energy in the room just siphons in there and then he just, he just cycloses you.

The dude, like, literally sucks your soul. And then he uses it to kill your soul to kill your friends with his gun. the face. So these guys are literally big suck. They are huge suck. They're actually so incredibly unpleasant to be around that in the tabletop you can only like hit them on a six I think. Whoa. Even I know that's kind of wild. Yeah like a space marine or like even a custodian that hits on twos. You can only hit him on a six because he's just he creates this aura of sheer uncomfortableness and it's so impossible to be near him. Particularly against psychers, Often psychers will like pull their eyes out or like rip their throat out in an attempt to not be near it anymore.

Because like this is literally worse than torture. I would rather murder myself. This is the worst thing ever. So if you knew you were going to fight some psychers, you would feel the whole shitload of these guys. Oh, well, I mean, there's not many of them. This is probably the least common temple of them all because of their use. but oh that's true because blanks are rare and blanks that survive all this assassin stuff are even rare exactly and often by having them in the battlefield it makes other allies just want to like a guardsman

would would rather kill himself than be near this thing i think there's actually a story of one of of a guardsman who ran ahead and he entered a room with like to fight eldar something and then this guy was there and the moment he saw it he had this thing on full blast and the guardsman immediately took his last gun and put under his chin and shot himself because he he was just like this is better blam like couldn't couldn't you just like run away from the blank and just get out of its range instead of killing yourself holy crap it was a suitable choice he preferred he preferred that they're they are considered the most evil because they're very existence makes people

want to die. They're like, and not, and that's, that's their regular nature. Then you turn, then you crank that shit onto ultra blast. Oh, so, they're like the worst. The Eldar described them

as pure evil. The Eldar. That's, that's right. The, the, the ones that Bratislen think they're the most evil. I guess that's, that's all you need to know about these motherfuckers. Often they're pretty good against demons, if I'm not mistaken, too. Because demons can't like, they're like a warp entity.

And so being around this dude, they just can't handle it. Yeah. Yeah, they're incredibly rare. For every one of these guys, there's like four of the other temples. They're incredibly rare. But when they're around, like on the tabletop, if you're near, if a cyker is near one, they get like minus two to all their roles. Um, they can never be affected by psychic abilities in any way, shape, or form.

And they're also, um, I think if they attack psychers, they're, they get like 40 bonuses. Oh, naturally. How much does a blank cost in the tabletop? Because it sounds like they're really good, but I would imagine they'd have to be like really expensive because you got to factor in that they're lore wise. They're supposed to be super rare. Um, um, uh, Every assassin is 100 points. Is that a lot?

That's, it's pricey, but for what they can do, it can sometimes be worth it. For example. Will they fuck up your allies? No, they don't have, well, I think they do fuck up allies psychers, I think. Oh, okay. But not like if you have like an imperial guard that's around it, it's not like, oh, yeah. No, no. Do a saving throw or something.

That's never fun for the terms of lore or of tabletop. but the like the assassinorum like the vindicare for example he's like a great sniper and he

his gun with the shield breaker rounds ignores an inval save so it's very often if you land the shot they don't get anything for it you do the damage

and then you might even do more damage and possibly just one tap him the Eversore is just like he just runs in there and cleaves everybody and if you kill him

he blows up it's pretty good cool it's fun It's good times. All around. Besides that, though, the only other temples that are there are the Venonym temple, which is actually entirely used in the creation and construction of exotic poisons.

They're fine, they're fine, poison-y, they're a little poison biologist. They manufacture different kinds of toxins. The only people that can make poisons better or even similar is in Camarag. Oh Okay Um For the for the ven venom venom Would they

Would they make the poisons for the big bomba assassins? Most likely Okay cool Unless they do it themselves Just because that's in their temple But There's the temple secretum Which I thought was secrete

Like secreting poison In reality they're actually just meant to safeguard knowledge So they keep the darkest secrets Hidden Away there is the... Yeah, when I heard their name, I thought the same thing. I was like secreting. So they've got to be the poison group

because they'll like secrete all the nasties. I thought so. And then there's Venenum, which I guess is just Venom. But it's V-E-N-E-N-U-M. Venom. I don't know. Anemone. There's the Mayoris Temple,

which was actually meant for, to deal with multiple targets simultaneously, which would often have them because they're kind of like a rogue renegade temple, that would use illegal mutants and like sometimes even illegal mutant alien hybrids to create... Yeah, it's super heresy.

They would occasionally like use them to absorb biomass. Fuck, that's right. This is where you can get canonical cat girls. Shit. Favorite faction. Let's go. Fuck. Let's get those cat girls. Let's get those nekos.

Right? Okay, this is where you can do 40K necopara, right? And then there's the Vanis Temple The Venice Temple is entirely about Intelligence Gathering They're your espionage and your like data hackers And sneaky spies and And all those kinds of people

That was a nice quick pivot away from I'm staying far away from that shit Good job It's a good call I approve The uh and so the the Vanis Temple is actually kind of fun they often had a quote where it's like

the cleanest kill is one that another performs in your stem with no knowledge of your incitement which is extremely Alpha Legion sounding Oh yeah that is that is very Alpha Legion sort of trickery and yeah It's pretty good There's some interesting other temples I wish they would use the Vanis and the Venetem

whatever temple in tabletop a bit more But unfortunately that does not appear to be the case It's just the main four I will admit there was actually a wonderful little scene with an assassin in the Comrade Kerr's book. Oh, okay. Curz was on like a little pirate vessel that they found him on. And eventually the guy found him and he was utilizing the help of a like a pilot or something, right? And the entire time he was like, hey, it's like, hello there.

My name is gun. you're going to refer to me as gun I'm going to kill you I'm going to kill you when this is over but it's better than what Kerr's will do to you so do what I say and your death will be quick and he was like super calm and just very collected

and it was kind of cool because once he finally found Kurz he was just like he took his little bow and it's like my lord and Kerr's all angry it's like you're not the one who's going to kill me and he's like excuse me for trying then and he pulls out two pistols and just starts going at him.

It was kind of neat. Their fight was actually really well done. He was dipping and dodging Curz's blows with like insane speed. But he was also not getting any good shot, any good hits off. And eventually Curr just stuck his fucking talons in his stomach. And it's like, it's like, not you. It ain't you. You're not the ones who to kill me.

I know the assassin's going to kill me. You're going to give me that sweet, sweet vindication. Mm-hmm. those kind of a fun little character I liked him he's just gunned he's like he had like a long black trench coat doing cartwheels and flips while dual wielding pistols it was the most like

horrible resident evil movie bullshit ever but it was great I was gonna say it sounds like neo yeah well he had the trench coat too it was definitely very neo um he's pulling the matrix you know doing the cartwheels and dodging bullets but he was not the one he was not the one he was not though you are not

the one. But that's the assassins. They have a lot of lore, but they also, like, kind of don't. Their lore are very simple. There's a couple notable assassins out and around. I'm sure if the comments have a particular assassin, they find really funny or have, like, a great story they want to mention, please do, because I'm curious myself. I only really know M. Shen.

Yep. I want stories on more of those fucking blanks. Those blanks are so fascinating. They're creepy and they're weird And I'm sure everybody hates them But I feel like stories surrounding blanks would be really really dope It would be a little hard to tell Because assassins are practically like

Completely unfeeling We could probably talk more about the Sisters of Silence If we want to know more about blanks But that's like a whole different faction Oh, I forgot about the Sisters of Silence Yeah Because they're blanks, right? Yeah, GW forgot about them too

Yeah, I actually really like I actually really will like Well the silent because they actually don't speak But okay well It's a combination of the do I really like the sisters of silence You run them with custodians Well that makes sense well running any sister faction with the custodians make sense right Because they're well like in tabletop you run them with the custodians Like they're actually part of the codex

Oh okay I thought it was just like a hey you know it's a it's a sister group Of course I didn't realize that was like literally in the... Okay, cool. Yeah, it's good. We'll talk about this one of our day, though. This was the Assassins. So, this episode went off the fucking rails in the beginning,

and we brought it back. We brought it back a bit, but we're good now. Reeled it back in. We're okay. This has been a fishing journey today. I want to go fishing. You can go fishing for your cat girls. Oh.

Go to your cat girl. Sign me up. Cat girl of the lake. What is your wisdom? Even if cat girls were really. real, they wouldn't like you just like normal girls. Oh, the truth hurts.

Boy, that's a, oh, boy. I, oh, I've, you saying that is like me running into a room with blanks. It's like this is uncomfortable and I don't like it and death would be better. And now I want to die. How have you done, why have you done this to me? You're a blank now.

You've made this. Oh, thanks, Brick. Hey, I was referring, I was referring to our fan base, but we can, if you want to use. it go to town. I wasn't referring to you.

Oh, I thought, I thought it was specifically me because, okay. Yeah, yeah, you dorks out there. Yeah, you dorks. You goddamn noids. You what? You noids? Like the Burger King?

Or the Domino's? No, it's just like nerds with like a, with like a joysy accent. You're annoyed. Anyway, that's, so how about, how, where to Take us home, Bricky. Let's get us out of here. I'm just going to not talk with the Alpha Legion episode

and just let you keep going. No, please don't let me. Hey, here's the shovel, Kriegsman. Dig yourself in a bigger hole. I don't want to end my suffering, please. All right, I'm going to bring out the Cullexus assassin. It'll make it quick. Actually, no, I should use the Vindicare.

It would make it a much less painful. Yeah. My name's been Bricky. Thank you for watching. You find me bricky in places. You can find shy and quite shallow, everywhere and quite shy. And then, D.K. D.K. Diamant is everywhere. Except Instagram, but nobody cares about Instagrams, whatever.

Yeah, Instagram's big stupid. Okay, thanks for watching. If I show up to your house tomorrow with a sniper rifle, it's just for roleplay. Bye.