Adeptus Ridiculous - ORK CLANS: WE'RE DA BEST | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

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Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. I'm D.K., your resident, know nothing. My co-host is Bricky. Our resident knows more than nothing. Yeah, and Bricky's going to teach us about some ridiculous Warhammer Shed. What is it? I don't know. But if you enjoy today's podcast, head over to patreon.com slash adeptus Ridiculous

and consider supporting the podcast. I think I said that twice. Doesn't matter. We're moving on. I'm not redoing this intro. Get cool stuff. Like really nice. posters, access to our Discord,

bloopers when they happen, cool shit like that. If we hit 15,000 on Patreon, we'll do a demon killbasa episode, and it'll be great, I think, maybe. It'll be memes, it'll be funny, you want it. Patreon.com slash adeptus, ridiculous. Bricky, tell these fine,

fine viewers where they can get some really cool merch. They can get some really cool merch at Orkidate.com, or check out the description, our more recent one for October is the wonderful I'm a tank shirts and hoodie in its own right. Very good. I actually wore that yesterday.

I'm liking it. I'm feeling good. And do you want to grab it? Go ahead and grab it down there in the description. Also, finish reading Brutal Cunning for your book club. Do it. Or I will be at your house with a book. I'll beat you with it.

Whoa, you can't just tell people you're going to beat them with a book if they don't read it. sometimes it's not about the it's not about the book Spider-Man it's about the merch love the merch buy the merch sell the merch get a home run and a home run baby let's go Spide Man

so DK so Bricky What is the day That we are recording this on Today would be Monday Date 1025 2021 Ah yes excellent

The month first because we're a marriage and we're better than everyone else. Way better. That's the only way to really do it. Yeah. D.K., how tall are you? 5'8, depending on what convenience store I just left. Used in feet and inches,

correct? Yes. Not with metric system, right? No, I'm American. We've already discussed this. Right, exactly. It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, right? Uh, I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. Well, it's the only thing I've ever known. It doesn't make sense, D.K.

This is a long buildup. This better be good, dude. This is a lot of buildup for whatever you're working on. This better be good. Oh, well, it's not good anymore. You ruined it by not continuing it. Fuck, we're talking about orcs again. Fuck you, whatever, man. What? I had like three more sentences and then you ruined it. Well, what were you going to

No Continue on like I'm not telling you Nope How was that going to lead up to orcs? Not that's that you would have known if you didn't if you didn't jump the gun That's bullshit you had nothing did you I did have a thing you jumped the shooter Okay

So we're talking about what or what orc is it a specific orc is it an orc event? Is it What's the what what's the what's It is orcs. This is a nice, casual episode. It's not going to be too long. We're going to be having a good time making memes. We'll make you read some stuff.

Oh, hell yeah. We're going to do some of that. We're talking about the orc clans. Ork clans. So the different types of orcans, the snake bites, the blood axes, the death skulls, the goffs. We're talking about all the orc clans. And it's kind of like our old Necron episode. just kind of talked about the different dynasties and all that fun stuff.

That's what we're doing today. We're having a nice, not too long, casual discussion over orc clans. Will we do specific clans as episodes later? Maybe. This is kind of like an overview of all the different kinds of clans. What they're about, what they do, all that kind of stuff. But you might actually have a bit more of an understanding that you've been reading Brutal Cunning.

Yeah, a little bit, a little bit. I know about the blood axes and all their planning. The sneaky gets? Yeah, because in Brutal Cunnen, whenever whenever the main orc is like he wants to do something,

someone's like, oh, you got a plan? And he's like, oh, do I look like a blood axe to you? Do I look like a Zoggin blood X? And yeah, they get very upset that they're being considered like a blood X. Well, because blood axes are sneaky gets and that's not. Yeah, they're sneaky.

They're the planners. Yeah, they're the, they're the annoying sneaky boys. But in reality, I don't think they're actually that sneaky. Oh. I think, I think they like, they kind of are. But they're also, they're also not. Who's the main protagonist of, oh, should I tell me, the bad movies? Uthroch, Uthraka black something.

It's, it's an ork name. Uthak Blackhawk, sorry, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Uthak Blackhawk is his name. He's a big git from the bad moons. The bad moons. So I believe the bad moons are the shooty ones.

Sure. Well, he doesn't actually do a ton of shooting, actually. He really likes his... He snazammer. He's snazhammer? He's snazhammer. What's his snazhammer? I don't know.

It's like this big... like a hammer that I think it's like all electric and shit or something it's like a power hammer deal did he just steal a thunderhammer from a space marine that's a thunder hammer is that what he does shy does he does he steal a thunder hammer and I just didn't realize it because they were talking ork and I got confused electrically charged big hammers are literally are are are literally like well he want he won hands that shit he is he is from mekwa his boss is a big mech oh Yeah, his boss is a big mech.

Oh, okay, so they got fancy stuff. Okay, that makes more sense then. Okay, cool. I was like, there's no way I miss that he has a Thunderhammer. Like that thing that that champion from the Genesis chapter had, I was like, there's no way it's that, because that's... Oh, Telemian, yeah. Yeah.

That's a Thunderhammer is... Thunder hammers are big tank-cracking fuckers. They're very strong. And I mean, like, sure, a big enough hammer could probably do something similar depending on if the big mech has some cool stuff, but it really is all depending on, you know, you and it and all that stuff. The orcs actually have some wacky tech in the book.

Yeah? Yeah, uh, the, because you get to see a pretty popular free Buddha, and he can literally teleport wherever he wants, whenever he wants. What the fuck? Yeah, he just teleports. The room gets really cold, and then he just,

get it! And he just lips in. Holy shit, I didn't know how it was a thing. Yeah. They never explain how it's a thing, I don't think. He just, he can do it. Does he, does he have, like, a generator, or is it just his imagination? Uh, they, I don't think they've explained it yet.

He just does. Holy shit. That's, that's horrifying. Yeah. And he's a, he's a free Buddha. So, he's the bane of your nightmares. Oh my God. Okay.

He's the bane of your tournament life. Man, oh my God Fucking hell You know what feels kind of bad Getting a codex in the ninth edition of 40K It's like a double-edged sword On one hand You're super happy that your army

Is getting an ice refrate Like a range update or like a refresh And you'll be good again But sometimes it'll be so good that no one wants to play with you I feel like the poor The poor guys who were just big admec fans and they just really liked Admec and now they're like one of the strongest

armies in the game and everyone hates fighting them they're like oh man I just like Admec play with me no fuck you no don't want to yeah imagine having one of the largest 40K tournaments in the US almost

200 players and the final match against Drukari and orcs goes down and the orcs kill 1,800 of the 2,000 points of Dukari turned one and the game is over. Yeah, it was those.

Free Buddhas. That doesn't sound like a fun thing to watch. That sounds pretty... The commentators were really nice because they were just saying they're like, what the fuck is this? It was great. It's bullshit. It is some shenanigans, which is unfortunate because I,

if I was going to make an orc army, it would probably have been the free Buddhas because I think orc pirates are fucking cool. That being said, I also am kind of like, maybe I want to do blood axes because the blood axes look kind of neat and I like the concept that they're sneaky gets, but they're also

they're sneaky gets, but they're not that sneaky. Like the blood axes are kind of sneaky, but it's more the concept of like they'll trade with foes and retreat and and try to go around stuff instead of just run at it. That's like

the extent of their sneakiness. To an orc that is pretty sneaky because orcs are just like, yeah, I want to run ahead and punch something and have that good scrap. They'd never try to avoid stuff. Like, what kind of terrible orc does that? Well, you know, it's not a real orc. Not a... Those soggy blood axes would do it.

There you go. All right, all right. Right there, D.K. Should I post a quote? Give me the quote. Oh, boy. The omen basis. got walls in things, see?

So if I goes up the wall all sneaky like and blows it up with me bombs, then there'll be an old in the war what the lads can go through, see? So when you's lots is something go boom,

you charge because there'll be an old in a war, understand? That's how sneaky the blood axes are. That's the That's their peak sneak. That's sneak level 100.

It's their plans. It's the reason why they've got an ability in game called I've got a plan, lads. Also, I like that peak sneak. Peak sneak? Peak sneak, yeah. That's peak sneak. So let's go. We're kind of like I said.

This is going to be a very casual episode. We're not going to talk about everything. We're just kind of going to enjoy talking about orcs for a bit because they're nice and humorous. So first one we got here is the goffs. Do they like shopping and hot topic? I'm sure that joke's never been made, eh? Goffs.

Like, sounds a lot like goth. But it's, you guys couldn't hear it, but Bricky literally left the chat at that. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back to call you. What happened to your connection, bud? You all right? Everything okay on your end?

Shut up. Just stop. I don't want to hear anymore. So the goffs, eh? The goffs. Goffs are never beaten. Goffs, the clan of good man Gaskell himself, the big boy. Goffs are the largest and arguably the most aggressive of all the clans.

They are black with red churts. trim and lots of checkerboards. And of all the orcs, goffs love battle. Any excuse to punch shit. Any excuse, the slightest excuse, is to punch things. Okay. So they're like peak orc. Like when you think of like an orc that's just going into am a shit,

really you're thinking of the goffs. That's like sort of the poster boy of the orcs is a goff. Yes, goffs are your orky boys. These are the orkiest orc boys of orcs. Goffs love hand-to-hand combat. This is the kind of thing. We're like, all right, you want seven million orcs on foot with chopas, shooters, and stick bombs running at you

in a giant tide of green Dashtagoff's. Yep, yep. You know what a stick bomb is? I'm assuming it's a grenade. It's like one of those old-timey grenades that has like the sort of bowl on it and then has the big stick coming out of it, and you're kind of like, I think it's like a German grenade, maybe, type of thing.

Yeah, it looks a lot like a World War II German grenade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then the quote-unquote is, hold on to the pin, throw the other part. There you go. That's how the orcs think of it. The stick bombs make a appearance in Brutalconon. That's one of the ones where they're like,

aiming is for cowards. Everyone knows you just throw a stick, bomb and let gork and morke figure out if it should eat. Because aiming is for cowards. Aiming is not a goffs thing. Goffs run up. If they use vehicles, they tend to be big fucking vehicles, like really big things like gorkinots or morcanots and just some big ass stuff.

They love their large amounts and hordes of infantry. They do enjoy some things like killa cans and a particular favorite of mine. Something called a death dread. I like death dreads a lot. Def dreads are pretty boss. What's a, what's a death dread? Well, death obviously isn't death. Yeah, death dread, sure.

But it's a, it's a little like, it's like an orc walker with a whole bunch of little arms and stabby bits. Oh, that's so cool. I actually love that. It's like Death Dreadnought, death dread, you know? Oh, so it's like an Ork Dreadnought. Kind of, yeah. It's mainly...

Except you probably don't have to be dead to pilot it. Also correct. Well, yeah, I think, I believe so. It is, I believe there's often, I think they take gork volunteers who really want to go in it, because there's also a killicam, but a kill can is piloted by a grot. Oh, the little, the little gaitz. A little Gretchen, and often a kill can will, once a grot is able to get into a kill can, the first thing he'll do is immediately kill the other grots that bullied him. Because now he's got a really big kill,

can. Yep, because now he's got a mech. It's really funny. But yeah, you know, you got some big old golf battle wagons and things of that nature, but they're not too big into things like, what's it called? Like bikes here and there, but it's mainly just hordes upon hordes of infantry,

some killikans and deaf dreds and some big ass tanks. And they're pretty cool. Yeah, I definitely like their little dreadnots. I love that like orc skull face thing. Yeah, they look pretty cool. Goffs are definitely some of the bigger orcs because they do so much fighting.

You know, constant, fine. They're always beating each other up in camp and all that kind of stuff. It's really, really cool. I like goffs. Goffs are your classic orc. They're the orkiest of orcs. Classic.

Next, we got the death skulls. Oh. And it's, if you want to, I'll give you another orc quote. Here you go, buddy. Oh, okay. What this? No, I've, I've had this for ages. Of course it's bank still wet. It's me favorite.

Sell it if you like, one careful owner. So the Deskals are the Blue Boys. The Blue Boys. The Blue Boys. These are a clan that has a reputation for being a bunch of looters, scavengers, scrongers. They take shit. Deskals very often love the unit This unit known as the Luda

There is actually a unit in the game called Lutas And Lutas loot Oh wow Very very appropriate name then They very often kill or take From other orcs and or enemies And they're like they take the stuff and they're like Oh no this is mine I've had it for years

What are you talking about? What's the color? Is blue the... No, blue isn't the luckiest. Oh, no, blue's the lucky one. You're right. Oh, okay. So that would make sense that the... The looters were the luckiest. Yes. The blue orcs, the deaf skulls are the lucky, the lucky orcs. They're very, very...

They constantly try to, like, take weapons and machinery and other loot, sometimes even in battle. They'll, like, destroy an imperial tank. You just start ripping it apart immediately and using it for... armor or shields or guns like who fun free loot get the loot I think they have an ability called get the loot which is very fun so if you ever want to like

if you ever want to commission like imperial tanks redone with an orch aesthetic like looted you probably want to do some death skulls because that's the main thing oh that's a luda thing gotcha it's a very luda thing what is that mini that shy just posted

with like the I don't want to say meat grinder on the front, but... That is a... It's like a steam roller that has spikes on it. That is a Torox, an Imperial Tempestas-Sion Torox, looted and I think mixed with, I think, a battle wagon as well as... And they have a thing called a Def Rola, and that's what the big spiky roller boy is.

It's so much cooler once the orcs got it. The normal one looks boring. Well, I say boring, but it's, it's like an old-timey world war aesthetic wagon. Yeah, well, yeah, Imperial Guard, you know. Yeah. The Ork one looks so much more dope. That's so much cooler. Oh, my God.

It's really, it's really cool looking. I got another quote for you, D.K., your voice is going to be shocked by this. I'm earning my paycheck with today's episode. This one's probably a little bit less yelly. They're a little bit more common, this one, I believe. Oh, okay. I, what's this then? All back of you, me shooters

You're lying here into dust With no one using them That's a shame that is Here, help me move these bodies So as we can give these shooters A proper home See? Very death skulls.

Lutas. Yeah, very death skull. Yeah. No one's using them? Let's take them. They take everything. They take uniforms. They take trinkets and jewelry and guns and metal. They're running around stealing stuff and using it to make them better, which is a lot of fun.

Get the loots. Surprise there isn't a story about them literally taking the kitchen sink and using it as like a breastplate or something. That'd be a very good orc story. It's like they steal everything, including the kitchen sink. Ah The main

Or one of the main known Death Scrolls guy You may remember him He was Mad Doc Grotsnick The name definitely Sounds familiar

He's the guy Who gave Gaz The head Oh okay Gotcha Yeah he's the He's the big He's the mad doc

Mad Doc Grotsnick Uh So after that We got the bad moons Now you should know What the bad moons Now Yeah

I see a bad moon Rising Hey I I don't get that one. Oh. It's a song from forever ago. Don't worry about it.

It's a boomer song for sure. I like boomer song. I see a bad moon a riot. Oh, that song. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, I got it. I got it. I just had to sing it very horribly for you.

It's all right. You make up for it with the or with the or compressions. We're okay. Nice. Nice. So the bad moons. As long as I still have a job. Well,

love to see about that one later. Oh, fuck. The bad moons. The bad moons. These guys suck to paint because they're yellow, black, and gold. Ooh, boy, they stand down in the crowd. Oh, they do. The bad moons are a super powerful orc clan and a very, very wealthy orc clam.

They're the richest of them all. That's because their teeth grow back faster than anyone else. so they'll always have a steady supply of wealth because their teeth keep growing back however it is apparently not regard as an unfair advantage because any orc who is bigger and frocious enough can simply smash the teeth out of a baboon's head

so he gets a lot more money for it is that why they're yellow because that's like wealth, gold, money, Chinese yeah a little bit gold and teeth that's always big so they love gold because gold is the color of the rich

the best color. Ron likes gold. Often a lot of Org Warbosses like to keep a mob of bad moons around them so they can constantly punch them and get teeth because they grow back so fast. They're like little disposable banks. Yeah, and they often have like the role

of kind of like a merchant cast. They're very much, they got as merchants that have a reputation of being very showy, show off. Lots of things. fancy stuff they carry. They're constantly like buying and selling and swapping and conning people of their teeth. They often wear very like garishly decorated banners and they openly flaunt their wealth. A little bit strange that this kind of goes along lines with the Free Buddhas where like how a captain of a Free Buddha thing would be covered in jewels and gems.

You kind of have a similar concept with that except in terms of gold, shiny bits and teeth. Okay. So are they good in a fight? Because they sound like they're sort of like almost a merchant cast that's more concerned about money, wealth, and looking fancy rather than necessarily being like... Oh, absolutely. The thing is that for them, they tend to often have lots of like Gretchen kind of run their way to do all the dirty work and they just shoot them a lot. Babmoons are the shooty ones. They've got guns upon guns upon guns

And the more money they have The better guns they get Yeah Oh yeah I guess I get Yeah bad moons are one of the main orcs in Brutal Cun and so yeah They're very good in a fight then Yeah and I guess if Uh uh

Ulftak is a bad moon He is very good in a fight He's a yeah Okay Hey there's a there's plenty of guns Because with lots of money means lots of guns So often the orcs love things like Burn a boy's, and they have really big guns like guns and combi weapons,

gold-plated deaf guns and big shooters. And like they would have like engraved guns, you know? They would probably have all those engravings give you no tactical advantage whatsoever, unless you're an ork, in which case is fancy, fancy guns. I just, I could not imagine an orc with something as fancy as a gold-plated engraved gun. That just seems so weird to me. These guys are the ones who got the money. Also, you got snaz guns.

Snaz. Very snazzy. Is that why they're snaz guns? Because it's a snazzy gun. Well, they're either ballistic or energy weapons, but they're like really obnoxious. Oh. Like, for instance, okay, shy posted some pictures. Look at how many mag wells are in there.

Like, like top left. You've got two magazines on the bottom, a magazine on the front, a telescope on the top. You've got like a power pack in the back? Yeah. The one below that has like a flavor thing with a plasma piece and a chainsaw and like a gut. Like the one in the bottom right has two mag wells, a bipod, and it's a flame thrower. Like what the fuck is going on? That is that those are some seriously orc guns

And it's funny that the one with the flame on it doesn't even have the flamer attachment It's it's so just It's so ork It makes no sense It's completely over the top what the fuck are even these guns Yep Oh that picture shy posted must be a those those are free Buddhas right With their garish little one's got a corsair he's got all those garish fucking

emblems behind him. Oh, I think those are bad moons. Were they? Well, because remember, bad moons have funky banners behind them all the time. There's some yellow in there. That's true. There's the yellow and black checker board

on that one that I didn't notice. I was just focusing on the one in the front. Well, he has the pirate hat. Yeah, so I figured he must have been a... Anyway, go ahead. Well, for instance, I'm like, there's a bad moon guy named Captain Badruck. He was...

He's in the book! He's the one that telephemy. Oh shit, you're right. He teleports, he's the one. Yes, he was a free Buddha captain, but as a former bad moon. I believe he's a freeboot. He's the king of the freebootas now. Yeah.

He's like one of the most important freebootas, right? Yeah. At the moment. Yeah, he's got a fucking mini and everything. He's got so much shit on him. And he talks like a pirate. Really? Yeah, he does.

He talks like a pirate he does. There's like, there's so many of these. They really, they really enjoy. Oh, the cartoon pirate, of course he does. But then there's all these other kinds of like the lay of big mecks. Big mecks are a big thing they enjoy a lot. Big mecs are very, I don't know how to describe them very much. Are they like, are they like Terminators?

They like Orch Terminators, if I'm. I'm mistaken. Yeah, they're giant walking, like suits. They've got grot oiler, or the squig, oil squig with the grot oiler behind them. That's right. He squeezes the squig and

all the oil comes out. What the fuck are on the shoulders of that one in the front? What is that shit? Are those like little satellite cannons? What are those? I actually have no idea. That looks, that's a weapon.

A part of me imagines like the light that comes, like the energy beams that come out of that are so bright that it needs that like welders mask on the front. This is it hurts too bad? Yeah, because it's so bro, yeah. You know? I don't know. It's a teleport blaster?

Oh, that doesn't sound good. Uh, I'll hear it is. Teleport Blaster. 10 inch range, assault D6, strength 8 minus 2, flat 3 damage. Holy shit. Uh, shy posted, uh, teleport blast is an orc energy, weapons sometimes integrated into mega armor used by big mechs based on teleporter technology of the weapon folds its target into a warp space bubble and displaces it at random.

Victims will only travel a short distance before they reappear again so the mecs use the weapon to rematerialize them high in the air or inside a solid eye. That's a teleporter blast that tends to be unpredictable but as many other orc weapons still effective. Oh, God, that I don't, I don't like that. I would not want to be hit with a teleport Blaster or a teleporter blaster. That's, and then you just end up inside of like a wall. Oh, that's how you get in the wall. Oh, it's salvaged from the Imperium. They have a whole contingent of teleporta blaster works and they just send the kids in the walls. Into the wall. I'm putting you in the wall, brother. You know, I was thinking of something a bit ago.

a DK. I was thinking like, you know, the Night Lord's screaming gallery is really fucked up. But the Imperial put children in the walls too. Yeah, I mean, there are no good guys in 40K. Like, everybody does some seriously fucked up shit.

Like, humans put kids in the walls, Night Lords screaming gallery, and just in general, they're weird fetishes with killing people. At least the orcs do it for effectiveness. There's like, Zapp, he's up high, near him, and he falls down.

Or Zap, he's stuck in a war. Look at that get. Look at his hands stuck out there. I'm going to take it to sell up for more teeth. I don't think we need to talk about why Tyrannid are awful. We don't think we need to talk about why the Eldar are awful. Tau Brainwatch people, I guess, because you can't have good guys. Well, Farsight are cool.

Yeah, they are. That's true. Tiranids aren't inherently evil. They're just animals. looking to eat. I don't know. You could argue that the tiered and hive mind as an entity could be a little evil, but I don't know.

Fair enough, fair enough. Anyway, orcs. Orks. So that's the bad moons. Next up we come to the snake bites. Oh, the snake bites. Snake bites. They're the savage, like, prehistoric orcs.

Old ways. Old ways are the best. That's how they always say it. They're definitely more of like a brown and beige color. But they definitely, they wear, you know, they wear like steak skin boots and leather pants and they got chappas. And they're very, very old ways, you know. They are, they are a very well-known clan and they tend to be a lot more, like a lot less technologically advanced. And they sometimes remain in more like a feral orc culture.

Even as they gain more advanced technology, they still live kind of a rugged lifestyle. They're weather beaten. they're very tough they kind of have us like out in the plains dealing with the problems of the plains kind of feel they're really good at breeding

orcoyed creatures so they're like ranchers grots and squigs especially squigs are really fierce in snake bites okay so the snake bite actually it's kind of cool

the clan name is actually a ritual rite of passage Basically, you have to have an extremely, like, to have a young aspirin join the tribe, you have to goad them to having an extremely poisonous serpent biting them, and then sucking out the venom to prove his resilience. That's like the coming of age ritual. A literal snake bite.

Yeah. Okay. Which actually allows them to get huge immunity against things like poison. And they like to keep snakes and, like, toxic spiders as pets quite often. Oh That was pretty cool Yeah it's kind of neat They very much believe in like

Toughness through initiation of the clan Mm-hmm Are they very good in a fight Like I imagine they're not bad or anything But like Since they're so I don't want to say prehistoric But since they're so like

Old school Like when you go up against like an ultramarine like what are they really going to do? Well, you think of it this way. Like the, they, well, the one, they have a ton of cavalry. Gigantic squigs, huge squig like riders, like, like horse cavalry with like big old metal heads. But the orc snake bites for all of their tribalism are not weak in a fight especially. They are incredibly, incredibly tough as like,

orcs go. You know, they're resistant to poison. They're very rugged, live off the land. It's like if you were trying to get into a fist fight with a cowboy of the old ages, you know, it's just, the guy just has a better, like a tough and gruff nature to them. Sure, but in 40K, you're not really going to get into too many fist fights, right? Like if, if, if, oh, yeah, they will, they're orcs. Well, sure, but like, if you get into like, a, like,

a gun fight, right? Like, what are they, what are they gonna do? What, the, the point is, the thing, the thing is that, don't forget, orcs, don't forget, orcs are, oh, look, they have guns, for one. They do have guns. They do like the old ways, but they do still have weapons and bombs and guns and spears. Oh, okay. I thought it was literally tribal to the sense where they were fighting with, like, you know, metal spears, bows and arrows and stuff like that. No, and I was like, and all of stuff. Okay. I was going to be like, man, if you're like a, if you're like a tribal plains warrior that doesn't have any armor, doesn't have any like artillery, I was like, how the fuck are you going to do anything when like any chapter of space marine comes and gets you?

Well, you got to also remember that orcs are fucking huge and they're incredibly buff. Like, like an orc, like two, three to four orcs, give or take, maybe even less than that, can easily, easily beat a space marine to death. Like, orcs, fuck you up. They are incredibly large creatures. If they didn't have the weird hunch in their neck,

they'd probably be like seven feet, seven and a half feet tall. They're, even with the hunch thing, they are gigantic and they are very, don't forget, they barely feel any pain. They're incredibly resilient to damage. Gaz has half of his face blown off.

and imagine them hitting you with what's argued like a chop of the size of like half a car door sharpened you know yeah so it's just like and then you combine that with the fact that they have squigs that are the size of Marines

and you can eat them and then you got small and then the squigs have like bombs on them and then you've got a giant iron plated head squigs that will actually crush a tank And then so you think of it more on this And then the squiggoths Which are the size of like

A plane Oh shit Oh yeah there's the kill rig That's a new thing There's like a battle wagon There's an orc cyker on the top And he fires out giant laser beams And they've got cannons

And then that big old bull squig Ramsia Oh Okay seeing that one Seeing that one I'm like okay I get it now Like with the giant cannons with the psycher. Okay.

I, okay. Definitely, I get it now. Got it. Got it. Got you. Snake bites definitely a problem.

Definitely a problem. Yes, they are definitely a problem. Yeah. Very scary. Damn, that kill rig is nuts. Didn't we rate that in our squig tier list or something? We did. It was like the bull squig or something.

Yeah, yeah. Whoa, that thing is gigantic. Holy shit. The squigoth is fucking enormous. Is that what that is? A squiggith? A squigeth. The squigoths are laughably large.

They are like enormous mammoths. I'm not going to tell you why I want to know this, but what's a, I think it's a hoder or a howder. Have you ever heard of one of those? Yeah, it's something that's like, it's a big animal thing that orcs apparently ride. It was in Brutal Cunning, and I didn't know what it was supposed to look

like, but they fight on the back of one, and I was like, what the fuck is a howder, hoder? I'm not sure, actually. Shai, do you remember that part with the big thing they were fighting on the back of? And it's like a it's like a howder, and I was like, what the fuck is that? And they didn't really describe it. It's just

some big creature that they're riding on. And I didn't, I wasn't sure what that was, and I thought this would be a, it sounded, this is what it sounded like. It sounded like, it sounded like whatever this is. And I was like, is this a, Is this supposed to be a howder or a hoder or whatever? You sound so Canadian every time you keep saying that.

It's a hoder. Get back on to howder there, eh? Oh, dude, I want to make a fucking Canadian orc army. They're bright red with like a maple leaf. And they keep talking to the orc like you get and stuff, but in a Canadian accent. I don't ask me to do that. I can't. Oh, sorry.

Sorry you git, I'm going to take you loot. Sorry, you zoggin' git. The commander, the orc shoots him and it's like, oh, doco, doca, doca. You can never have enough docker, dairy. That sounds fucking wonderful. All right, we got to move on. That was more Fargo than anything. But yeah, go ahead.

Fargo season one is my favorite TV shows of all time. I've only seen the movie. Dude, season one is better than the movie Oh I know, it's high praise I think it's so good All right Anyway, anyway

Orks Next up is the evil sons The red ones go faster Fast boys, yeah Speed, they're red and yellow And they get in cars And by cars I mean Buggies

And they go fast And they get Fightabamas and DACA Jets and they go fast. Fast, so fast. They want to go as fast as they can because having things painted in red means they're going quick.

They're good at two things, going fast and crumping. That's why they're so good at it. Yeah, they're the Sonic faction. They've got to go fast. Got to go fast. Got to go fast. War bikers, speed freaks. There's a ton of really fast

orcs that are going fast and moving fast. Storm boys are a really cool one. They're orcs that strap rockets to their back and they just go. Of course. Of course. They're actually melee units, but they have a rocket to get in there quicker. Of course, sure. Makes sense.

They are also surprisingly good at driving and piloting. They may not have necessarily the same level of tactics, but you can get into legit. legitimate dog fights with orcs because they're really good at driving and flying. They're great pilots and great drivers. These are the dudes who jumped into Halo 3 always drive the Wart Hog, get zero kills, zero deaths, but their gunner gets 41 kills and they get the wingman the whole time.

They're complete giga-chads. Okay, okay. I would not have assumed that they were actually good pilots. I would have just assumed that they were just kind of whatever. They just like going fast and they're just orcs And they're just like, I'm going crash, but I did it fast. And they would just be happy with that.

Yep. I mean, you would think, but they're also really good at it because they want to keep crumping. They got to be alive to keep flying on crumpin. That's true. That's true. That's true. They also really like to make as loud of a noise as possible when they're in combat.

They love to like, they're the douchebags that have a fucking, They have a loud-ass car and a parking structure. When you said they... When you said they like to make noise and be as loud as possible, all I imagine was, like, one of the Red Suns starting his little backpack and just going, Yeet! As loud as he takes off because he just wants to make a shitload of noise. You can hear the Yeet, like, very quietly from a distance, and it gets louder as he starts to searching.

It gets louder. Yeah, wait. And he just misses you and he flies right past. Yeah. Or he just explodes right and it's like, what the fuck? Did he just jeat himself and miss? No, or the evil sons are the dudes who make their cars really loud on purpose to draw attention to them because they're pricks. So they got big mufflers.

Yeah, the giant mufflers who obviously didn't get much attention as a kid. So they got to make everyone turn at them and be like. Yep. Why are you this way? Have you ever had a car like that past me? Like, wow, I'm impressed. Has anybody ever been impressed by this? They're like, wow, wow, what a loud noise.

I'm so wet right now. Like, what the fuck were you expecting? Every time when passed, it's like, wow, what a small penis. I was like, wow, what a fucking prick. Right. Every time. Every time. Never has someone been like, man, I would love.

to have sex with whoever was driving that. It never happens. Yeah, see, unlike when I would bring over my Warhammer collection, like, god damn, I'm gonna fuck that man so badly. Things that will never happen. Here at Adeptus Ridiculous. All right, let's talk about the blood axes.

The blood axes. The sneaky gates. The sneaky gates. The sneakies. They wear green drab colors because they know that it's stealthy. They also think purple is stealthy, but I don't think they use much purple, ironically. Have you ever seen a purple orc?

You've not. There might be some purple they use, but normally it's just drab colors, you know? It's a very drab, kind of camouflage-looking type thing. Blended colors, yeah. We were kind of talked a little bit about the blood exes in the beginning. They're honestly treated as like traitorous, treacherous orcs, you know, kind of hated. They're not... Definitely.

they're really not like that oh really no they're not that like like i mean yeah i guess they'll backstab you every so often in things but they they trade they parlay they might retreat and come back but they're not like they're not they're not fucking eldar you know

they're not like those kinds of people yeah fuck the elves right yeah elf players but they're not like sneaky silver tongue witches or anything. They're just they just like to be a little more tactical. What was the quote up earlier where it's like,

I'm going to quietly climb a wall, throw a bomb in the wall, and then you could enter through the wall. That's their tactics. Yeah, when you hear something blow up, there'll be a hole in the wall, so go in there and it's like, that's, it's not that sneaky. Shai says, presumably old ones created them as orc leaders, but the other orcs rejected them as not being orky enough.

who an orky losers who sometimes work well with humans and they retreat and trade and do other stuff she specifically said other lame shit other lame shit whatever they like if there was going to be let's say okay the humans are fighting the orcs and the necrons show up

blood access would most likely be the orc clan that would sigh with the humans for a bit to fight the necrons and then they probably kill each other after that But if there was ever like an alliance of necessity, I'd imagine it would be the blood axes. I can see why the other orcs don't like them. Because if you would be willing to side with de Yomis, then yeah, I imagine the orcs would not be big fans of you. They would not.

They do have one really dope character. Oh yeah, that's right. You can actually hire them as mercenaries by the humans. and you have to pay them in guns, which they will never really shoot you with after they're done with the work. That sounds very orc, yes. It is very orc.

Well, the best known or character, at least for me, is a guy named Boss Snickrott. Okay. Now, Boss Snickrod. So Blood Axis very much like Ork Commandos, which actually got a line refresh in the new Kill Team box. With the Death Corps guys.

Okay. Oh my Oh my goodness This is fucking perfect Alright Read this Okay Listen

Oe sneaky You sneaky And death tooth is sneaky Too If we're all sneaking Together That's triple To sneak

Now help me get This muffler squig On this year Rocket launcher Muffler Squing Wait that wasn't part of the

Squig tier list Where's our Silencer Where's the silencer? Where's my silencer squig? Silencer. Now all I'm imagining is a squig on the end of a gun And when you shoot it, the little squig goes

Pio, peop, peepo, pew. Peeo. He, uh, the, Snickrot led in, like, these commando groups called the Red Skull Commandos in the jungles of Armageddon. And it was the concept that the Imperial Guard afraid of one orc and one orc alone.

In the dark nights of the jungle, it would just have these like tales of boss Snickrot who would sneak through the jungle like a ghost and immediately kind of go behind you and slit your throat, you know, and then kind of... I think he actually did like an inglorious bastard thing where they would have their eyes torn out

and like rip the scalps off their head and kind of leave them as like a warning for other people. Damn. So did the orcs like him? Well, he's the sneakiest get. That's true. He's the boss of a group called the sneaky gits. I only ask us from what little...

Well, I've read half of Brutal Cunning. And they really don't like when an orc does sneaky shit. Like when they... Like, if you attack someone from behind, like, wow, you're such a fucking coward. You need to attack them head on. They need to know you're coming, and they need to know you kill them. them and they hate everything else or at least

Ofthak hates everything like that. So if like you're sneaky and sneaking up behind, it's like oh, fucking coward, you know? Yeah, that's the concept is that all the Ork commandos aren't particularly liked by other orcs because they don't do

orky things. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. There's a there's a All right, D.K., here's one more for you. This personifies the blood X's for me. All right.

Careful, this one's long. Okay. Here's what we're going to do, right? First, I'm, I's going to yell war. And then I's going to run up to him and crump them. Then's, while I's running and all around, and before I get to the crumping part, you lot yells, whoa! and makes a run at him too, see?

Then we all crumped together. It's a great plan, isn't it? Damn you meas you'll never expect it. Yeah, so what acts is? Their plan was to run up and yell war together. What a plan. Very sneaky, very, very cunning. Very cool.

Very sneaky, very cool. Boy, I. I want to have, no, not with an ork. Damn, very sneaky, not loud muffler car. I will absolutely have sex with that man. Absolutely. Our last or clan we're going to talk about is the free Buddhas.

And I don't really think I need to talk a whole lot about the free Buddhas. Probably not, but. It's the free Buddhas. Do they fly around in spaceships? They got pirate hats. They got hook arms. They've got peg legs. They talk like orc pirates.

They steal stuff. They raid. They plunder. I honestly have almost nothing in particular. Unless Shai has anything fancy she wants to talk about with free Buddhas. They are just, they are orc pirates. They're orc pirates. Yeah.

What else do you need to know? There is honestly nothing else I can truly describe about orc pirates besides the fact that they are ork pirates. Take what you know about orcs and apply it to pirates. Did they have a spaceship that looks like a pirate ship by any chance that rolls around and with sails and everything? Oh, I'm sure. Like often orc like ships, spacecraft are used to ram quite often. And so, yeah, fair.

I mean, it shouldn't surprise you. But often, yeah, the ships are very, very pirated. They look kind of like pirate ships. Awesome. I'm sure there's some out there. I can't think of a ton at the current moment, but yeah, they have squig like parrots on their shoulders and stuff

and like, yeah, orc pirates, that's what they are. Pirates, what do you want from me? You know, orc pirates. Take everything you know about pirates, smush it in with orcs. Freebootas. Whoops, freebootas. Freebootas.

You know, they're going to win every, they're going to win. They're going to win everything. How'd they get that name, freebootas? Uh... What does Buddhism have to do with anything, right? That's actually a good... Good question. I'm not quite sure.

Because they're... Because they have free boots. They go where they want. Like, I don't know. I don't know. They're the free Buddhas. They're ork pirates. I don't know.

Yeah. You know, I'm sure someone will tell us, but... Yeah, we'll get actually... It's free... It's free Buddhas. Yeah, it's the free Buddhas. Oh, sure. I said freebooters were a real thing?

Oh, like it's a real historical pirate group. Well, there were things called freebooters, which is a, it's a term for like a, quote, a pirate or a lawless adventurer. They're a freebooter.

But it's also, it's also like, I mean, I guess that's where they would get the name, but I thought there would be kind of like a, like a concept that got their name from something orc based because they wouldn't know

what the hell a freebooter was in terms of human tech, tech. I didn't know what a free reader was until we talked about the orcs. I thought it was literally something GW came up with, and then I realized it's GW, so they must have stolen it from somewhere. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably.

I don't actually think of like Corsairs a little bit, but the Eldar took Corsairs, so. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. They were like pirates on the employ of a country sailing around and attacking enemy ships freely. Huh. Didn't know that. the more you know Bump Bum

Bum Bum Anyway Cork Orks Orks It's like in a little star That you know The more you know

The more you know Oh yes Yes I wish talking about that Okay I just I just didn't I didn't think about that

It's okay It's an old reference But It checks out Okay Yeah, it's an old meme, sir, but it checks out. It's an old meme, you know, there's new work. Yep, I'm a bit of a boomer, you know.

90s references and whatnot. A bit of a boomer. Eat shit, all right. So are we orked out? I think we're orked out. That's all the clans. You know, that's what they're all about. I'm still not quite sure what kind of orc group I would want to make if I ever,

because I got myself some, I got myself some Ork Squigwriters The Squig writing boys Because I was kind of curious about them Wanted to see how they would be And I don't know what I would run them as I like a lot of the orcs

I like the blood axes I like the I like the free Buddhas I kind of enjoy the death skulls I don't know I think I maybe do the blood axes I give them like a little bit more red paint though I would want to run a lot

lot of orc-like machinery. I like their mecks. I like their tanks. I like their gigantic what are they gigans? Gargans. Oh, the gorkanots

and morcanots and the gargans or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Those are really cool too. I like the sort of shoddy look to them. I'd probably run whatever faction had the most of those. Sorry, I was reading some of the orca rules They do such a good If there's one thing that GW has well, it's their naming sequences

So the warlord trait for the blood axes is I've got a plan lads But their clan culture Which is like their special trait for being that thing It's just called tactics But spelled T-A-K-K-T-I-S Tactics And their strategy

is called Dead Sneaky and their relic is called Moregog's Finkin' Cap fucking great I love it That is pretty great And we'll give them great

Those are some pretty good Ork strategies That's fair Like that the bad moons Have armed to the teeth And then the warlord Tray is the best Armour Teaf can buy

And then there's You know Their relic Or their strategy is called Showing Off Dead Skulls are Lucky Blue Gets the relic is the

fix up evil sons is faster than use Y-O-O-Z Y-O-O-Z I like that Yeah okay Drive by DACA's their stratagem Culturist red ones go faster It's great it's great

It's great it's orgs Yeah They're the entertainment that we need In this grim dark world You know they're still horribly savage But they're just so fucking funny and amusing.

And, yeah. When you read Brutal Cunnen, uh, yes. The ad mech part is the worst part because you go from just these super outlandish, crazy wild orcs and just sort of their humorous base nature. And then you go to ad mecs that are just like, I am robot. I'm going to argue with other robot.

And it's like, oh, I love myself some ad mech, but I can totally see how that would be maybe a little bit of, of a of a buzzkill. Yeah, the juxtaposition from orc to ad mech is it's

yeah, I wish it was just all orcs. I do wonder if it would get a little tiresome though, having to listen to the orc outset all the time. Maybe it's actually a good thing that they swap over because it'll stop it from being like a constant.

Oh, yeah. You get a little break. Yeah, that being said at the same time, Perhaps they should have had maybe guard or someone a little bit less boring as the Ndmec. Yeah, maybe. Regardless, orcs. I think I'm going to make minus blood axes. I think I'm going to be a sneaky get.

Are you actually going to get orcs? Is that what you're saying? You're going to make an arc army now? No, I'll probably paint up a couple minis here and there just for the elephants. But I'll paint them in a blood axis style. Well, I'll paint them in my own style. I paint everything in my own custom style because then you can run it as anything you want.

Sure. But I'll probably, yeah, do some blood axes. Because what's nice is you can be, you can be sneaky, but you could also not be sneaky because they both work because orcs are dumb. That's true. That's true. Yeah, if I was going to get an orc thing to paint,

I'd definitely get one of the, one of the dreadnought ones with the... Death dreads. Death dreads, yeah. I don't know how I painted. but those things are cool. I love them. They're pretty dope.

Have you made a death dread on one of your stream, Shai? I don't remember if I saw you make one. You've made a shitload of orc stuff, but anyway. I could have sworn that she made a deaf dread of some kind. Yeah, you've made a shitload of Killikans. She got the Killikans, that's right. Mm-hmm. I saw the Gorkanaut, too, but I never saw the Def Dread.

But anyway, yeah. Shai has a bunch of Orch shit. She's our resident ork nerd. Fucking nerd. Suck on my gorka nuts, dude. Ah. My name is Burki. Thank you so much for watching.

Buy more merch. Buy the ork merch. If you like orcs, you'll buy ork merch. I want to see. You know what? I actually got some people at the SoCal Open coming up to me saying that they really liked them. It's ridiculous in the podcast.

And it was really sweet and I really liked it. And the only thing they'll make it better is if they bought some merch and they were wearing at the tournament. Let's go. you with an I'm a tank, I'm a tank, I'm a tank, I'm a tank shirt. Get the merch. Yeah. D.K., where can they find you?

DK. Diamante's everywhere. I don't really stream anymore. I don't really do YouTube anymore. So go to the Twitter. Or you can subscribe to those other places if you want. I don't fucking care. Pog champ. Poggers, bruh.

Oh, yeah, watch our streams. Are we streaming next week? So we are testing out some YouTube. streams and if you would like to watch one it will be most likely on the weekends so if follow our Twitter or you know check out the Discord and well if you're a patron you're on the Discord already but check it out we'll be doing like maybe a good two to three hour stream give or take and just having some painting and tune the shit answering questions so thank you and um this is where you say

goodbye, see you next week. I'm ending the recording.