Adeptus Ridiculous - TANKS OF THE IMPERIAL GUARD (ARE COOL) | Warhammer 40k feat KiriothTV

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

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Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. Today is a little bit of a special episode. Usually, Bricky is the one teaching us all about the crazy, wacky, wide world of 40K. But today we have a special co-host. Our friend and yours, Kiriath, is back, and he's going to be teaching us a little something, something, about a little something, something, something. But before that, if you enjoy today's podcast, heading over to patreon.com. slash Adeptus Ridiculous. You get access to our Discord, some real nice.

HD posters, bloopers when they happen. Ha ha ha. But yeah, patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. And Bricky, tell the fine folks where they can get some quality, quality adeptis ridiculous merch. Man, there's some quality merchandise over at Orchidate.com. Check it out. Grab the scrote. Oh, wait, why should I post that?

Wait, hang on. You want to grab that merch The way a night lord would grab that scrote. Yo, scrope me up, Johnny. Grab the Fuckin, grab the fucking merchandise from orcanet.com. Gink, description, shirts, hoodies, long sleeves, and stickers. Pretty great.

In process of refilling dice We'll be updated in, hopefully in a bit. And also, don't forget about your book club. We are finishing up the final. of the Night Lords trilogy Void Stalker. It's amazing. I like Night Lords. If you didn't fucking guess that.

And now let's take it over to my colonial friend here. I'm no shit. And Kira, thanks so much for summing in that time way back when. That was really kind of you to help us out on such short notice. And so it's wonderful to actually be able to beat an episode with you as well. and I don't know Jack about today's topic, so I'm excited to hear about it. Well, this also will settle the ongoing thing in the comments for that episode where I stepped in briefly, where a good number of people, I think, just decided that somehow you had been transformed into a pasty Englishman,

which is good to read. It's just like, why is Bricky English? I like this new accent that Bricky has. He has. He sounds very mature and very dignified. I like it. I like it. Well, I don't need to. I don't need an accent. I don't need an accent to be pasty. So that part's easy. Can confirm. Also. You know, in a sense, though.

Very pasty. In a sense, though, you know, there could be the situation in which, you know, I turned into a quote-unquote, paste Englishman. But, hey, Alferius and Omagon were two people. This time just one of them is British. You know what, I'll take that. That works. There's two brickies living inside of you. Except you can tell the difference.

That's not an Alfarious and Omagon scenario. You can tell the difference, obviously. One's British, one's not. One's British, the other one's trash. We both need to be bald. Oh, it'll happen one day. I'm pretty sure. Give it like five years and I'll be there.

Well, my friend, what's our topic today? So today, last time, Dreadnoughts, this time my other love, I have two distinct loves when it comes to vehicles in Warhammer 40K, and the second one is the tanks of the Imperial Guard. And when I say I love them, my current project for 40K is an armored company, and I've got planned so far for 6,000 points worth of tanks, and the models for up to 3,500 for now. not all of them built and painted yet but I'm getting there

they are just they're the best they're like the perfect if you want to sum up kind of in like imperial vehicle design then the imperial guard is the way to go because it's it's like multiple different versions of a brick on tracks covered in guns and that's why I like him so much I too enjoy the Bainblade

every tank I've ever seen in 40K does indeed just look like a fucking brick on treads, with spikes and guns and skulls and the crazy little scrolls on it. The purity seals or whatever they're called? Yeah, yeah. I mean, at least for the Imperium, you know, there's plenty of really sleek tanks for other armies like the Eldar and stuff, but that's a lot less dumb-looking, and that's the best. Because freaking guard is just, let's take Imperial, let's take World War I, World War II.

stuff and just strap like bolters and melters and a big cannon and here we go. The thing is it also goes like it goes like almost like a level of of sitting us above that because they take World War I and World War II stuff, throw in the occasional bit of like modern tech in there, but but generally make it worse than those two things combined by, you know, making them much bigger and much slower and much heavier than they need to be. And, you know, adding six guns to a tank does make it just that little bit too heavy to really function. But then you look at it and it's a Lehman Rus and it's covered in guns and you just go, I don't care. That's amazing.

And I want at least eight of them. 11 barrels of hell. Well, actually, the Ork Mindset needs claws and things on it too. Oh, yeah. It needs to look like a stomper, you know, where it's like a gigantic, just chunk-ass mech. I mean, there's a... There's in Don of War Games. There was an old voiceminer where I liked whenever you built a Bainblade.

They always shout 11 barrels of hell coming through. Because I think that thing actually has 11 separate barrels of guns. Depending on the variant, you could have even more than that. But we will get to that a bit later, because we're going to start out small. We're going to start out with, like, you kind of, your basic stuff, because it scales. It gets more, more like, silly and ridiculous and over the top, the longer you look at Imperial Guard tanks.

But, like, the baseline is the Chimeris, so it's the armored personnel character, character, carrier, for the Imperial Guard. And you're just standard one. It's just a troop carrier. You stick a bunch of guys in the back. There's some Lasguns sticking out of the side of it so that they can fire on the move, because, of course there are. The Lazzgun array.

Yep. It's so good. So there's six whole-mounted Lass guns. Only on the side of the thing. So they can't fire forward. That's not possible. But you're delivering them right into the heart of the enemy. So it doesn't matter.

It's just, you know, getting a few pot shots off as you go past. And there's actually a couple of different versions of it. Because you can give it the multi-laser. You can go for some twin-linked heavy bolter action on the front of it if you really want. or an auto cannon or a heavy flamer. So you can have some fairly decent guns on it, which is... Okay. It's just a troop transport, but they've gone, you know what?

We need a bit of, like, really heavy anti-infantry stuff on this thing. And, yeah, it's like the most basic of the basic stuff that the guard have in terms of transports, really. If I'm not... No, D.K., please. Okay. I was just going to say, should I post a picture of these tanks? and I don't think I've ever seen a tank that had a fucking bulldozer, like, shield attached to the front of it.

And it's just, I don't know, it seems so fucking ridiculous. But, yeah, you need those guns. You got to protect the infantry. You got to make sure they get into the... I was going to say, the heart of darkness, but that's a totally different thing. But, yeah. I think actually a lot of the tanks,

just armored units in the guard codex can actually take that... What's that called? The front little of the dozer? I forget its name. It's just... If I remember right, it's just the dozer blade. Dozer blade.

It helps with difficult terrain, which is good. But it's also quite an expensive upgrade for what it is. And it's very much an optional. Yeah, for the most part, you're better off just taking it as is and not really changing anything because, you know, there's other vehicles

that you could take that would do far more, like, impressive stuff, but it is like the platform, the chimera, for a bunch, an absolute bunch of other units. So what the, it's the same thing with like space wings and rhinos and how you've got like the different predispos versions based off that. With, uh, with the imperial guard, it's like turned up to 11 because the chimera chassis is responsible for like, it's nine other units. So they just take the chimera itself, they strip the back off it and for instance, stick a massive long range artillery piece

where the troop compartment was and you end up with the basilisk which is a great firstly it's a great model and also responsible for some of the most fun I had playing the game in third edition when it had an obscenely long range

and the rules at our gaming club were relaxed so I fired it onto someone else's table just I remember those memes that was back when the Death Strike missile would literally the range said unlimited on the sheet.

Yeah. I remember that. It's a really dope model. It is the most ridiculous tank I've ever seen, by the way. It's a howitzer on wheels. Yeah, it's the most ridiculous thing ever.

It looks like it should just be a stationary artillery. And it's like, no, that's a tank. I mean, it does, I believe, I'm mistaken, stop moving when it fires, because it needs to. Oh, sure. Of course.

I'm just imagining it fucking like, can you imagine you're getting chased down by like bloodthirsters and blood letters? And you're like, shit, and you put that shit into reverse and you just angle the gun forward. You're just like trying to blast people on the way back. It's just, it's so...

The recoil on that thing would probably blow the truck back for you. The recoil point would send the truck like backwards and fall over. Does that thing have like little grappling hooks that jump at, that like dig into the ground before it fires? It's not a huge thing! It's not a siege tank. It should be.

It should be. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's an important note. The cannon is called the Earth Shaker Canon, just to give you an idea. Of course it is. I also love the fact they kept the whole mounted weapon on it. So like it's got the main gun,

but like the, like the chimera, it's still got like a heavy boulter on the front or a flamer or something. Which, for a self-propelled artillery, sticking like just an anti-infantry gun on the front of it, when it's carrying a gigantic, like, siege cannon that you would fire from literally miles away, it's just, it's like peak 40K. It's like, well, clearly we need one more gun on this, because this isn't enough.

What if the enemy infantry gets a little too close, you know? They've infiltrated your front lines and, you know, that big old howitzer, you can't aim it, like, directly downward, right? You gotta have a little, you know, in case they breach. In all fairness, you know, Terminators can teleport. It's true. It's true. I'm sure there are many.

I'm sure Eldar can kind of teleport too, right? Well, the Eldar have a million tricks that make them bitches. But then you've got like, but then you've got to think about like, okay, well, now the orcs are throwing themselves literally their bodies from orbit. And then like the Tyrannid and Molochs are coming from the ground beneath you. like I can see the use for a little front gun. Not to mention the crew. You know, that's actually a rule I wish the Basilisk had.

I wish that you could have two Las guns on the data sheets for the dudes in the back. They're like, oh shit! And they got to start firing. Or like two Las pistols. That would be so good. That would be so helpful. Just a little bit extra like that. A little extra piece.

I feel like for the most part, most sensible enemies are going to teleport. behind it, as opposed to directly in front of the gigantic cannon, which again kind of makes the front facing gun not all that helpful, since it's also facing the front, but you know what, if something goes wrong and you end up with a group of guys directly in front of the tank, having a heavy flamer, yeah, it's probably better than having nothing, but you're still going to wish that you weren't standing near it anyway, I would have thought. Are you suggesting that a 40K tank has too many guns? That's no such thing

I want to make the the idea that this fucking tank makes the semi-truck beeping noises when it turns around so like people arrive behind it and it has to like spin around and like about 40 of these things in a cacophony of like

eh and trying to turn their heavy bolters that's what I want I want that now I like it that's Canada now there is something similar to this right that I wanted to mention even though you don't really see them.

It's not a thing that is, well, it's not really a thing anymore, which is the Colossus, which is also an artillery piece that's based on the chimera chassis. But I just want to show it to you because of the gun. I've never seen one of these on the tabletop. I don't know that there's even a room for it anymore. Oh my God! We call that the Imperial Guard's definition of a chode.

Yeah. Immediately, immediately, it's just like, wow, that is. Somebody is overcome. compensating a lot. What's a fire? It's, it's... So it's got the... It's named after the Colossus Siege Mortar,

which is the stupid gun on top of it, which fires like concussion shells. So when they hit, they just release massive explosive shockwaves that pulverize anything that's within range of it. I was about to say, what caliber is the shell in there?

8,000? I just, I love the fact that there's two guys who are clearly loading it, but how, like, the size of the shell on the back of the model, I believe this is a third party one. I don't think, I think this is a conversion, supposed to being like an official production one, but I just love the idea that a shell that small would go into a gun that big. Oh my God, he is holding a shell, isn't he? Yeah, and it's tiny. Oh, what the shit? Yeah. I thought it would have to be auto-loaded because of the sheer

size. Right. It's... It's mad. It's like, it's properly mental. It's like driving a Volvo through the Grand Canyon, ain't? I love it. I love that thing.

It's the most ridiculous. Actually, no, that's not fair. It's one of the most ridiculous. It still falls below what I would class as one of the dumbest, just one of the dumbest vehicle slash weapon combinations in I would say in all of 40K and that might seem like a bit of a bold claim

but we are talking about the death strike which yes I love this model I've used it so often it's so bad it looks so cool though like that actually looks like

you know actual like IRL military shit like the little missile launcher tank thing? That actually looks dope as hell. I like that. I think of all of the Imperial Guard stuff, that is actually one of the ones that looks the most functional in a way, like the most reasonable. The thing is, it seems like that when you look at it,

but what you need to know about the Death Strike is that the thing that it's carrying is an intercontinental ballistic missile. Oh, really? Yeah, which makes it, it's a existence on the tabletop, absolutely insane. Like, you deploy this on the front lines with the rest of your army, but it's firing... Wait a minute. At the front lines, why? It's an intercontinental missile! Because 40K games have a specific scale, right? Like, it's a size of the board.

So you're... So, if I'm not mistaken, because I believe they've removed its ability to be unlimited range, range. The board size is like 60 inches by 44. I think the Death Strike has a 240 inch range. Yeah. Yeah, it's something like that. It's pretty, it's, it's, it's still ridiculous. Like, it's, I love it. I love it because it's so over the top. And, uh, I did, I did specifically note down because it always makes me laugh when I read it. That it's, they are destructive enough that if you, if, if you file one without having like due cause, like, in, Unless there is an actual, definite, specific reason as to why you need to fire one of these, you could get done, and to fire it without needing it is a capital off. So it's like, law-wise, if you just launch one of these off for the crack, then you're probably going to get shot just for firing it,

because that's how, that's how, like, massively destructive it is. Yeah, as Shai's pointed out, even on the art, the guys are clearly fighting, at close range, but they're firing the missile. It's so good. They're firing a heavy bolter at something in front of them. That's a great... Maybe they're firing at an enemy in the back line, but even so. Also, with how destructive these things sound, they're firing a lot of them. There's another one going off in the background, and I'm...

Well, I guess all of those smoke trails aren't necessarily from these missiles, but... I like to believe that they are, just because that makes it even better. They are looking to destroy a continent. Like, that continent is fucked. And whoever's on it, you're done. Jesus. What's that old guard meme where it's like, Sergeant, do you see the army over there, sire?

It's like, yes, sire. I don't want to. Understood sire. Yeah. Fire the intercontinental missiles. It's so good. It's one of my favorite. It's one of my favorite, like, Imperial Guard models

just because of how. Just how absolutely absurd it is. I do actually know someone who used to run an army of these, and he had seven in the army. And like, it never won anything. I think I'm pretty sure he said that it's never won anything, but showing up with seven death strikes in your army was a lot of fun. It's about the, it's about the moral damage you inflict on your opponent.

It's like, it's like when I'm putting together my night lord stuff, And, you know, right now they obviously suck Like massive dick, they're terrible But if I can make one custodian or fail morale Like I win the more like you get the medal I get to leave with your pride Yeah, that's that's the best That's the best victory Twainful

That's the one that makes you feel the happiest That's such a night lord mentality too By the way I know, it's like the moment one of you runs I win you lose knee I got your happy I got your hat. I'm gonna go to the custodian dying and then this night lord is gonna walk up there with this heavy

Russian accent. It's gonna be like, got your nose and runs away. Yeah, with his thumb between his fingers, I got it. No, no, he actually cuts your nose off and he's holding it. He's like, oh shit. Got your nose. That's a nightlord, come on. Yeah, that is a very nightlord thing to do.

You're right. I'm sorry. But you got next for us, Kirae. So before we shift over to Lehman Russey, there are a few other variants that just they're not as fun or exciting as the ones we've seen, but you've got things like anti-air, anti-tank variants as well. There is a more sensible kind of Death Strike-esque version, which is the Manticore.

Basically, the chimera is like the base platform for either stuff that is fast and in the enemy's face, like the Hellhound, which is just a chimera with a flamethrower on the front of it, because you definitely need one of those. There is also a toxic gas. version as well because it's for the bane wolf? The uh yeah it's

it's the bain wolf um which just goes around poisoning people to death which is lovely and the devil dog which it just has a melter cannon so it just drives in hopefully blows up a tank and then most likely will also die because it's a chimera and they do

not have great armour they are fast though in terms of speed like they're the fastest thing on tracks that the imperial guard have access to like on road, it's 70 kilometers an hour and 55 kilometers an hour off-road. Holy shit. Pretty damn quick, really.

What's the last tank that Shai just posted with the two, with like the four cannons on it? So that's the hydra. Yeah, that's the anti-air. Okay, gotcha. I was going to say it's, I guess I should have figured that out since putting, almost straight up in the air firing.

What else would it be genius? It's a really cool version of that, of that actually I do like that version of the chimera. Again, it's one of the ones that looks more like modern, I guess, kind of more real in a way. But yeah, with that tank you could probably like, I mean, yeah, it's for anti-air, but you could like aim those downward and straight forward and fuck some people up. I believe it. I think it fires a flak auto cannon of sorts, if I'm not mistaken. Yes. Yeah. So it's definitely an anti-air like specialized. Gotcha. It's pretty cool. I, I, I think. It's pretty cool. I, I,

I like the, I remember, I really like the Hellhounds, like, posted up there. Yes, it is just a chimera that has a shitload of flamers on it. But I really enjoy it as well because I think in game, when a vehicle dies, if you roll a six, it explodes. But I think the Hellhound, like on a three, it explodes. So often I'll run that thing in. Yeah, I'll run that thing in, just torch infantry. And then I hope when they shoot it, I blow up and kill them.

It's great. I kind of love that in the tabletop, a lot of the vehicles are like, If it gets destroyed, you have to roll this, you if it fucking blows up and explodes in your face. I like that. The Wyvern, I love the Wyvern mortar. It's my favorite models. Oh, the little stubby one with the mortars on it? Yeah, it's like an anti-entistry mortar.

It looks so goofy. Like, those little stubby mortar cannons, they look so goofy, but, boy. It's also threatening, given that every single one of them is a mortar. It's like, that's a lot of, that's a lot of pain. coming out of that. Yep, that sure is. For as derpy as it looks, that's no fucking joke. I always wondered when the guard fight an enemy.

Because obviously guard in the tabletop is much different than guard in the lore, just due to sheer volume of enemies. I wonder if the enemies they fight as garb, with a legitimate guard assault, just get overwhelmed by stimuli, because they're dealing with lasguns and mortars and tank shells. and sentinels and flamethrowers and Bullgren beating your ass

like is there just too much hitting you? I can't I can never tell. I mean it's gotta be bad right? Like there's even when he it's also the numbers thing as well because the guard are often deployed in like huge numbers against threats and so it's like all of the

stimuli that you might expect from like being in a trench or something in one of the world wars but infinitely worse I mean given the advances in weaponry as well. You've got energy weapons, not just Lasguns, but like plasma blasters and, you know, even, just like one

Lehman Rus with the amount of weaponry they carry is going to be making so much more noise than a lot of other stuff, and that's only one of them. When you've got like an entire squadron going in, it's got to be massively overwhelming. But then again, they're the guard, and so they are probably trained to deal with it

and the ones who give up usually die instantly anyway. Or the commissar gets them. or the commissar gets them I'm curious how many guard are taken out by like friendly fire because there's so many like catastrophically ridiculous

adeptic ridiculous gigantic weapons and explosions that are going off they gotta kill a shitload of their own people on accident like even if you get Vox like oh hey by the way we're launching an intercontinental missile those guys in front of you good luck like do you like

how many people how many guard get annihilated by their own weaponry. It's got, I don't know that Games Workshop have ever, like, written into law, like the kind of, the kind of friendly fire casualties that Guard have, but I always assume that it's got to be bad. Like, between the existence of commissars just flat out them being a thing, and, you know, all the countless, like, ordinance weapons and blast weapons and the fact that a lot of, you know, when Guard go to war,

they are backed up by a significant amount of artillery, in tanks. I just don't see most commanders really caring all that much. It's true. You have so many units that's like, oh, we lost 100 guys in Friendly Flyer. It's fine. We've got a million more coming. Who cares?

It's got to be one of those things which is just an acceptable thing. They just go in, they're like, well, probably lost like 5%, but it's fine. It's okay. They're expendable. Yeah. They are just like, I know it's just a meme, but the whole they're more

imperial guard than what was it molecules in the universe or something at all worlds very obviously wrong but I really like the idea of they're just being an unlimited hoard no matter what you do

I really enjoy that that 4chan green text with the planet of like 40 quintillion guard and it's like orc presence low there are still some orcs the orcs yeah so for like getting into like the

proper firepower and the kind of backbone of, I would suggest, most guard assaults, going to go into the Lehman Rus, because it is like, it's the, for me, the iconic 40K tank, the Lehman Rus. So the Lehman Rus is a main battle tank. It's not fast like the chimera. It doesn't have any transport capacity, but it does have a significant amount of, like, heavy armour, and it is also covered in guns. So you've got one turret weapon, you've got a heavy weapon that is mounted directly.

into the hull that you can swing from side to side. And if you want to, you can take a sponson on either side of the tank and put an additional heavy weapon in each of those. So you can have, for instance, a Lehman Rust that's got a battle cannon in the turret and three heavy bolters, one on the front and one on each side. They're not fast. They can be fast. Yeah, that's not fair. They're not massively fast to start with. You can tune them, so the standard is like they're like 20 kilometres off road and about 30 to 35 on road, which is not hugely quick, but there's a couple of different places that have said things like, if you tune the engine properly, they can manage 70 on road, which is mental.

Because look at the amount of... It's covered in weapons. It's got like 150 mil thick armour, so it weighs 60 tonnes. So for something that heavy to be going that quick, it's like pretty terrifying by itself. So what you're saying is they're about as slow as Liam and Russ in a reading comprehension test. Exactly that.

It's funny because he's stupid. Thanks, Bricky. You're welcome. We're welcome. I love being American. Oh, man. It's for reference. D.K., you know the M1 Abrams tank,

the classic American tank? Yeah. That's 55 tons. So the Lehman is a bit heavier and it's fucking shmoving. Wow, okay, okay. It's a shame it's named after such a prick, though, right? It's also confusing. Frankly, I'm going to say it, it's also confusing.

Now that there's a Lehman-Russ, like, Primark model, it's just made things more confusing when it comes to just searching for them in general. Luckily, the tank tends to come top of most results as is proper because it's cooler than the Primark, but still. Yes, yes, yes. We're all shitting on Lehman Rest now. Yes. It's just the truth.

It's an iconic vehicle. Yeah, give it its own name. It deserves it. The measurements for it, it's, again, it's very 40K. It wouldn't be hugely functional if it existed in real life. It's 60 tons.

The length is 7 meters. The height is nearly 4.5 meters. So it's like, it's really, really tall. for what it is. And the width is only slightly more than the height of it. So it's very much like a bit of a box on tracks really. And you also have to fit like multiple people in there. So there's a commander, a driver, gunner, you've got a loader for the main cannon. And if you've got the two Sponsons, there's a guardsman sitting in each one of those. So there's a guy just

sat in the side armour with the gun directly in front of them firing out. The Sponsons aren't that well armoured, funnily enough. So if you get shot in the sponson, then you've lost one of your gunners. Because they have to sit out there and fire them from inside it, which is quality. Unless, you know, you're the one doing it, in which case you probably want to be anywhere else. But there, but, you know. Yeah. I actually posted a nice little gif about where everybody would be seated in these tanks.

There's some really good cutaway diagrams of them. Like, people have done some really good artwork showing them. It's crammy. and I mean look how much space the engine takes up in the back. Just because of how heavy it is. It's just, it's great. I suppose it would need a pretty massive engine, wouldn't it, considering what that engine has to push along.

It also can take any fuel. Anything that burns, it can run off it, which is awesome. That is convenient. That's a convenient fuel source. Anything. Yeah, that's pretty cool. There's an absolute shedload of variance of it as well. So, like, the one with the battle cannon is just,

a Lehman Rus battle tank. You can have them with twin Las cannons in the turret, which is kind of rare, but they do exist. There's a conqueror variant that has got like a slightly weaker main gun, but it means it's a bit faster

and it fires quicker. It's just not as powerful. Like the weight isn't as severe. There's a couple of favorites for me. So the executioner version of the Lehman Rus is great because they just stick a massive plasma cannon on the turret.

Wow. Which is great. It's actually the plasma destroyer. So it's like, it's just a more powerful plasma cannon that still has the capability to be like supercharged and wound the thing that's carrying it. If you roll a one. So you can really mess up your Lehman Ross if you've stuck one of those on it and have bad rolls, which I like it when that happens. That is a gigantic fuck-off plasma cannon. God, that's pretty great.

The executioner with the plasma cannon, or the plasma destroyer. If I'm not mistaken... That's a naming. I particularly enjoy the Punisher variant. Yeah, I was about to mention the Punisher because that's one of the best. Stick a massive Gatling cannon on the front of it. Yeah, let's go.

Who needs a cannon when you can just, when you can just, everything to death. It's so good. Everybody inside the tank is deaf. If I'm not mistaken in game, it has 20 shots, but the Lehman and Russ, if you don't move it very far,

you can fire it twice. So that thing puts out 40 shots. It's just like, if you've, Lehman Russes have got grinding advance, so if you move like half their movement, but no further, then you can fire all of their guns twice.

So you can, absolutely load up on shots and just rip through stuff. It's such a good rule. That's so many ties. I mean, if you wanted to really go for like the anti-infantry angle, then yeah, sticking a Punisher Gatling Cannon on it, and then three heavy bolters, you can do some really fun stuff to infantry squads. And by fun, I mean, not, well, fun for you. Not the other person. Fun, yeah, fun for you, really shit for the people you're going. Yeah.

Holy shit. Now the one I'm sad that you can't get in 40K is the Lehman Rus incinerator which I really wish there were rules for Oh the flame thrower variant? Whoa! It's got a massive Volkite gun on the front of it. Volkite is like traditionally space marine stuff

and specifically it's from like from the Horace heresy and like before the heresy Volkite was a big thing for the legions but the guard They had a Lehman Rus with a massive Volkite culverin, Demi-Culverin, on the, on the turret. And for a start, it looks so good. It does.

It looks like it's something that belongs in like a sci-fi movie. Like, the one that's like all-gray looks like it should be like, it looks like it should be in the Imperium. Imperium? The Empire. It's kind of, for me, it's like the mix of like, Because the Lehman Rust, like, as a shape, it's very, like, mix of World War I and World War II. But the ones that have got, like, the plasma executioner and the, uh, and the incinerator,

having like a full sci-fi weapon in the turret, just, I don't know, it just adds something to it and makes it look just even more threatening and even cooler than it did already. And, uh, yeah, I'd, I really wish that that was available in 40K, but, uh, but it's not, which makes me sad because I would 100% buy one immediately. if it was an option. I'm with you. On looks alone, that one's the best one, for sure. I'm definitely with you. I love the combination of the old and new. They do that a lot in 40K.

That's kind of a schick, you know, sci-fi fantasy, but like the Land Raider is literally a World War I tank, but then you slap on those, like, Las Canons on the side and stuff, and it gives us this kind of feel to it. It's really neat.

It makes it like something that's super unique to 40K, I feel. Like, there's not really any other any other franchise or kind of universe that mixes them together quite the same way. And I think it's all the added, like, extra kind of religious stuff that you get with a lot of stuff as well. Like the fact that space means we've got power armor, and they have the option for things like plasma pistols.

But then you can also get units that are just straight up a guy with a sword and a shield covered in, like, prayer paper and candles. And it's, like, it's such a good mix. It's fun, too, considering that they, like, can strap on a bolter and everything. You know, they have basically an automatic grenade launcher. But then before battle, they're burning incense and praying to it, so it'll be okay. Yeah. I feel like Admec has a similar feel sometimes because, like, you see the owner-gurdun crawlers, and it's just like, oh, that's really cool.

But then you read the lore, and it's like, that dude's a battery. It's so good. It's so good. There's a couple of, a couple of weirder Lehman Rusters as well. There is, there's one that I've never been able to find, like, a decent picture of, which is, like, a really, one-off version. So there was an Arachnos version of the Lehman Rus which had eight legs

instead of tracks. It was only mentioned in one thing. I forget which codex it was in, but there was like a brief mention of, oh, there was like this experimental Lehman Rus that had eight legs. It never made it into anything and never became like a real thing, but just the fact that there was

just that little mention of it, I've always wanted to see someone do it because it just sounds mental. Having four legs on each side. Why you did it? Is that like a Spider tank? Yo, no, oh, yo, no, it would be fun. Kit bash that bastard and call it the, the, uh, catachin devil, Lehman Russ. Like, like the train long fucking spiders.

Oh, gross. Yeah, the catachin devil leaving Russ. That's the, that's the big brain play. Someone needs to do it. Someone make it immediately. We have a lot of talented fans out there. Someone's gonna make it. Oh yeah, someone sent me.

Multiple people in fact sent me S to yells to print a cardboard dreadnought within like, within literally days of that episode going out. So I know that there are people out there who can do it. I'm very happy for you in your cardboard dread. It wasn't just the fact that it was done so quickly. It was the number of them that I got. I was expecting like one or two people to go, hey, I made it like just an actual dreadnought out of a cardboard. But instead, no.

It's like, hey, you can 3D print this now. But repeatedly, it's like, this is amazing. It's a tank in it? It's a dreadful. know what you need. It's close enough. It'll do. It's made a cardboard. That's fine. So outside of the incinerator, there are some, like, some, some stuff that isn't really a thing anymore either, which makes me sad. So there's a destroyer tank hunter, variance of

the, uh, of the Lehman Rus, and a thunderer, which they basically share the same, they like share the same deal where they don't have a turret. They don't have any sponsor weapons. Instead, they just have a cannon of some kind sticking out of the hole. So it's quite, I forget the name of it. There's a, there's a particular, uh, World War II German tank that was, that was, like, a tank hunter. So it was like low profile and it just had the cannon sticking out of the front of it. And these are like, kind of, kind of similar to that. I really like it, but it's not a thing that you can buy anymore. They destroy a tank hunter anyway. You can still get the Thunder from Ford World. That's the one shy here. Um, um,

the Pansiaga. It's cool, and it works really well with the, like, the shape of the Lehman Rus, I think, because it makes it a bit more like low profile and sleek, which, yeah, I like it. I like that a lot, but you can't get destroyed. Something about that tank hunter just

doesn't look right to me. I think it's just you're expected to have a turret, and it just doesn't. You kind of set up to... It just looks so... Derby. It looks... It's just... It's weird. It's weird with the... with the turret coming

out there, it's just weird. It looks strangely phallic and weird, like the fucking tank has like a... Wait, phallic. You know? It's weird looking to me. I don't like it. I can get the weird bit. I'll be honest, I'm not seeing the fallic. I'm not

quite there yet. I'm not quite... Well, that's probably... That's probably for the best. That means, you know, I mean, I have the mentality of like a 12-year-old, so the fact that you don't see it is probably a really great statement about your mental presence and probably a pretty low bar for them.

So before we shift off, before we shift off the Lehman Rus, I mean, there is also, it does have its own version of the hilarious colossus siege mortar that the chimera has, because you can have a bombard variant. Let's go! Oh my God! So stupid looking! Oh my God! Initially, I wasn't even going to talk about this,

but the glass has got such a good reaction I wanted to show you this one as well. Look at it. So fucking stupid. For me, it's not just the fact that it looks the way it does. They've carved a big chunk out of the front of it where the whole mountain good would go. Which is just, I don't understand why you would do it,

but they have. So it's an option if you want it. It was so back-heavy that I guess they had to just drop off the front I don't know It's so dumb It's so good

It's actually the The name of Russi's like Being the main battle tank It's just the most versatile thing That they have Because you can put any number of guns in the turret There's a bunch of different You can have anti-infantry

At range on the sponsons in the front You can have a Las Cannon on the front You can have plasma cannons all over it You can put heavy flamers on it You can have anything from stuff that will absolutely obliterate everything at short range with the with the demolisher variant which has just got a short but really powerful cannon on the front all the way up to a tank hunter that's got a really long barreled gun in the vanquisher it's like

it's so good because you can just build them to do literally anything you like and no matter what you build them to do they'll be pretty good at it which is why i like them so much they look great and they can do absolutely anything you ask of them. It's just, it's perfect. It's so good. Just wish they were named after someone else. Yeah, but they found it though, so it's okay. No. It's no. Okay. All right, fair enough.

I don't care who found it. Give it a different name. Yeah. The Manta Cora is a good name. Yeah, I like that. I can go with that instead of the... All right, come on, Kiraeuf. Let's get to the boy I've been waiting for. It's the Bainblade. Let's go!

The Bainblade. Let's go! The Bainblade is, I currently own three of them. That's how good they are. They are just the best. And it's worth pointing out when I say that they are pretty damn big. So, essentially, if the Chimera is the fast kind of Armored Personnel Carrier sort of platform for artillery and anti-air.

The Lehman Rus is the main battle tank. The Bainblade is like the Lehman Rus on some cocktail of drugs that means it is so massively big. It is a super heavy tank which is covered in guns. Pretty much every variant that you can take of it is covered in guns. So it has, in its kind of stock format, just the Bainblade form, you've got a mega battle cannon up top you've got a demolisher cannon in the hole

you've got up to I think it can take more than four sponsorsons actually if I remember right in the in the army builder app that Games Workshop made you can have up to like six of them I think so you can have more than two you can take up to four but there's six like spots

on the side oh yeah because you can shift them kind of the configuration can change you can have them all like at the front at the back in the middle, you can kind of shift them around. Each sponsor has got a, it's got twin-linked heavy boulter and a Las Canon. It also has a twin-linked heavy boulter set into the

hull. Yeah, it is just covered in guns. It has a massive crew to control it because of how big and difficult it is. It's got a very angry machine spirit. So you've got

a commander, a driver, three gunners, three loaders, a comms operator, and you can have a full-on tech priest in a Bainblade, just keeping it running because it's that hardcore. It's so, so good. It's also massively slow. You'll be shocked to look. What a surprise!

It's like 15 kilometres an hour off road. Holy shit, I didn't realize it was 300 tons. Yep. Yeah. Five times the weight. of a Leavid Ross. What the fuck? Jesus Christ.

Well, I mean, it's a, it's like a fucking fortress tank. This thing's crazy. I, like, I'd heard of Bainblades. I guess I'd kind of seen Bainblades, but I didn't realize the scope. Yeah. Of just how fucking massive these things are. They are properly mental. Like, they're such, they're such a good vehicle, because again, it's like, it's just

40K but turned up, as if it wasn't enough to have a, like, a massive main battle tank that you could switch out every weapon on. There's a version that's bigger than that, even, in the form of the Bainblade. And there's like, again, it's similar to the Leman Russ in that you can have just a ton of different variants. So they've all got different names, like specific names, which I, no matter how many times I have sat there and tried to memorize all of them, I forget multiples of them. Because, and I, in my defense, right, I'm just going to, I'm just gonna run you through them, okay? So, so,

you've got the Bain blade, you've got the Bain sword, the Bain hammer, the Domehammer, the Storm Sword, the Stormblade, the Storm Lord, the Bain Sword. Like, that chart says it all, yeah. That's a great chart.

That's amazing, I love it. That's a pretty good chart. Shy, didn't you Kit Bash an Ork, Bainblade at some point. Yeah. I was going to say, I was pretty sure I've seen a Bainblade model, and I still didn't understand the scope of it. And seeing all these new images of it, it's like, holy Jesus Christ, my fucking God. These things are massive.

Here's a fun little, here's a fun little comparison. It is an image of a regular American Abrams tank and soldier. That's a space marine land raider. And this, and there's Rhino, Lehman Rus, Land Raider, and then Bainblade. Oh, boy. The Estreya's super heavy tank is a totally different thing. That's far off. But yeah, but yeah, the thing is a moving apartment.

A moving apartment. So cool. It's great. Apartment, that's bigger than some houses. It is a, when you want to take your flat for a ride and you just fill up a bunch of guns. what is it you won't come to church church will come to you

is one of the thing for the bainblade or thing I'm surprised it doesn't have like a cathedral on it oh there's a few that have been kind of I've seen a few that have been like

kit bash to have like full on chapels and stuff on the top the most famous bane blade of all is Yarek's bane blade because Yarrick has his own commissar yarrick has his own personal bane blade

which is called the Fortress of Arrogens which is the best name. I remember that. We were talking about that the last episode. Yes, we were. It's great. It's so good. It's, yeah, it's, I think it's got to be,

it might be just, in terms of the sheer scale of it, like just one of the most solid models that Games Workshops made. It's also a, it's also a Hellhammer, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, yeah. So what you've got is the Hellhammer version. I had to refer to the chart. Yeah, it's the close-range variant, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, it takes off the mega battle cannon, and instead it has a Hellhammer cannon,

which is basically like the normal battle cannon you get on a Lehman Rus. So it's got a shorter barrel, and it can fire quicker and, like, higher-cali-cels. So it can deal with loads of infantry at the same time. There's also the Stormhammer. Now the Stormhammer is something that you can use in 40K, but it's a Legends data sheet, which makes me sad, which was originally for the Solar Auxilia, which is a specific regiment of the Imperial Guard,

which just has, it's just covered in battle cannons. It's got a mega up top, it's got two underneath. It's a really cool variant of it. It's also very, very expensive to buy from ForgeWorld, because it is 168 pounds. That is a spicy mona. It's pretty huge though, right? Oh, it's the same size as the Bainblade is,

but the Bainblade is 85 quid. So there's a bit of a premium on it. Oh, yeah. Jesus. That is, uh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Lots of flat resin panels as well, which if you, if you like sitting there with your hands in hot water, bending stuff back into

shape, it's absolutely the thing for you. Is that anyone's fetish? Is that anyone's thing? Does anybody enjoy doing that? I don't know, man. Anyone who likes that. I don't know, man. Luton gives me shit if I don't fix my mold lines, so whatever, man.

Yeah, but we all know Luton's you know. Yeah, he's all about his mold lines. Got to get that perfect thing. Drill your barrels in Bricky. No, my bolters have safety on. Also, yeah, Yark's tank, Yark's tank goes full church. It's

fucking cool. It's great. It's so good. I don't know whether, not, I don't think I have. So, one of the things I also really like about just the model as a whole is you can mess with them quite a bit to make them kind of personalized. So

the one that I'm throwing in now is the one that I made as the backbone for my armoured company. So it counts, it counts as a bane blade. But it's, I changed it around because it's an armoured company that is used by the Aldo Hereticus of the Inquisition,

so going after witches and psychas and the like, and I liked the idea of having an armoured company that was a bit like witch-huntery, so lots of candles, torture devices on the back of the tank, that sort of thing. But you can do loads with them, and you can make them really customizable without having to do a huge amount, like a few accessories here and there, can like properly church them up or you can make them look a bit more modern if you wanted to

it's just it's a really good kit and it's like it's peak 40K it's a gigantic super heavy tank covered in weapons it's perfect god that's gorgeous of arrogance looks really cool yeah it's that's super so good

though that's though I think that might be a kit bash one because that's a bane blade that's not a hellhammer they may be maybe that was one somebody somebody else made put together because on the top, that's just the Commissar Yark model. Like, yeah, like separate.

And his model looks like trash. Like most guard characters currently do. Yeah, I suppose if that was the Bainblade, it'd be a lot bigger and he'd be a lot smaller if it was to scale, right? Yeah, technically he'd be a lot smaller. Yeah.

I'm trying to work out if maybe that's one of the older baneblades because there's been a couple of different versions there was an older like I think a third party company made a bainblade for a bit or was it the metal bane blade that games workshop did there is like an older smaller version of it from years and years and years and years ago that that might be based off but it's kind of it's kind of hard to tell yeah the dudes next to that bade uh that shy poster quite a bit smaller than what yeah is on that uh yeah Fortress of Arrogance or whatever that one we saw is. Still looks really dope though, even if it is a...

Whatever. It's great. It's a great model. The tank itself is awesome. It's also, like the Relim and Rust, massively flexible. So there's a bunch of different variants. The Storm Sword is... It's got the Hellhammer Siege cannon on it. There's also one that has a massive volcano cannon,

which is good for shooting good for shooting Titans the Shadow Sword the Shadow Sword, yep the Shadow Sword has got like a there's a variant that's called the Storm Blade that has got a massive plasma plasma blast gun which I think

is the same one that you find on the on the Warhound I'm pretty sure it's the same gun which they just stuck into a into a Bainblade chassis which again, is awesome.

Did a very similar thing with the Storm Lord as well. The names are the worst. I'm just going to say it. I love the tanks. I love the variants. I'm trying to remember which one is which. It can get a little bit daft. The Storm Lord literally has a Vulcan megabalter on it, which again is a whirlhound weapon.

I love that tank so much. It's so stubby. And the Vulcan Megaboltar is actually legitimately. good, but it's so short. It's really good. It also can transport 40 infantry. Yeah, so

it's technically a transport. But the thing is, given the speed of these things, it's like, it does point out that with the storm lord, you're supposed to be delivering infantry into the battle,

but a lot of the time, if it gets there, then the infantry won't have anyone to fight because the Stormlord is covered in anti-infantry guns. It's got a Vulcan megabotter on it, it's got heavy balters all over it. It's literally like the anti-infantry, perfect

vehicle, and it's delivering infantry into other infantry. So by the time they get there, there's none left. They just get out and they're like, well, okay, so if you're an imperial guard, you probably want to be riding in one of these, because then you probably, you know, you'll arrive, nothing to kill. oh darn, I'm not going to be in the throngs of battle and I probably won't die.

I got to get back into the impenetrable tank that shoots everything in front of us. Oh, geez. Let's have a nice sit down and a cup of tea. Yes, everyone else is dealing with the issue. Exactly. Your tank already dealt with the issue. Great. Let's go back home.

I do think that particular picture is really overselling how quickly these things can move. Yeah, I was going to say that in that picture. It is. That's shmoving. There's a sense of like momentum and speed there, and I don't think the speed is really something that should be represented. It's because it's going downhill. It's a downhill momentum. Look at the amount of smoke coming out of the back jets.

Yeah. It's just like, like, if the planet isn't dead by the guard, the global warming will make a ton. That's fine. With all the irradiated planets in 40K, global warming is the least of their worries, right? I'm just going to say, do you think any planet survives long enough outside of your core, like, big-name planets to even worry about that? I'm assuming there's probably some sort of terraforming stuff that they can still do. But half the time, no one really focuses on the terraforming aspect when you've got, like, an entire horde of orcs killing everyone in a hive city, and then there's, like, eight cities left. and I guess the logistics of keeping climate change at bay

not that important for 40K Yeah Not that important when you're in the middle of a wah You know Yeah Guys we have to move from fossil fuels There are orcs killing us all Hey there's always some orcs

Yeah I just like well we changed over to renewable energy But the orcs are still burning petrol So I don't know what we're supposed to do The Orcs don't know it's up Tenseral. See, the necrons have it the right way.

They just use... What the fuck does necrons use? I don't know what they use for fuel. They use something. I'm sure they've got like some weird shenanigans going on with like infinite energy sources or something, right? They've got to have. They have to.

They literally have snipers that enter a different dimension and then shoot you in the face and then leave. It's weird in that like a lot of the stuff when Games Workshop are like creating things, they will do like super specific, well, like specifications for stuff. Like, for all of the Imperial Guard tanks, you can find how much they weigh, how long they are, what type of fuel they use, even the name of the engine, even though it's fictional and really, do you need to know the engine in Aleem and Rus?

Like, is it going to affect anything? But then there's stuff that I think is kept deliberately like, it's like almost sciencey, but not quite, it's like a bit vague. So you know that it works, but don't poke at it too much. because then it might start to break down and you might go, that's not, that's not a thing. It makes me think a little bit of Mass Effect because they have a codex and it lets you like learn everything about the Mass Effect universe and how things work. But if you really take all that knowledge and put into the game, like often when people get shot in Mass Effect, you're like some cutscenes they have their shields up and sometimes they don't. And it's like, ah, you know, it kind of breaks down a little bit.

But it's it's appreciated that they actually actually. put enough effort into it. Yeah, it gives it like that kind of that basis of reality where it's like you don't really feel like you need to poke anymore. You know vaguely how it works, it seems consistent, it's fine, and then you just leave it. Yeah. So before we wrap up,

we're now onto just the last few tanks, the last few that I've saved the weirdest and oldest for last. So the Bainblade and the various kind of versions of it, They are awesome. They are cool. There are some properly ridiculous tanks that are still left over. And these are stuff that like... Is that the second time that's... Whenever you say ridiculous, we have to do it.

You stumbled into this yourself. This is your fault. It's the thing. You've sprung my trap card. I'm literally going to write that down right now, so I just do it myself every time. That's the way around it. I'll just do it. If you miss it, we won't. Got double backup for it. So the last few tanks are like, these are like forge world specific things.

So stuff that you can only buy from forge world that I mean, for a start, gonna start with the Malcador assault tank. Oh, let's go. Because these are amazing. They're not good, but they are amazing. So the Malcador is like, it's still technically a mainline battle tank

because it predates the Lehman Rus. So this is what was being used before the Lehman Rus existed. And the configuration is really similar. So you've got not exactly a turret up top. You've kind of got a... I don't even know what you'd call it. Just like the hull kind of extends up. There's no like turret that tones.

But not really. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And it's got a front-facing like hull weapon and it does have weapons coming out the sides except the Sponsons are like they're kind of recessed, they're not sticking out and it's it's like an older, an older tank that was used a lot until the Lehman Rush showed up but the Lehman Rus was way more popular, more reliable and just generally better as a tank and so now like the Malcador tanks are borderline never used.

They're like kind of backups for if anything goes massively wrong. A good number of Imperial Guard regiments just wouldn't even know what to do with them because they are that rare and out of use at this point. There's a few different

variants of them. They had a lot of use in the siege of racks which is like a fun little... I think they kind of got the chance to shine a bit with that. There's a few different versions of them. So they have a battle cannon.

They can carry like heavy balters, last cannons or auto cannons on the front of it. They're not that dissimilar. They're slower than Aleem and Rus somehow, which is impressive. They also weigh 105 tonnes. So they're a bit heavier. They're pretty chunky, yeah, they're a little chunky, yeah. They're longer. They're 9.6 meters long as opposed to 7.8.

but the width is about the same and the height they're just a little bit shorter than a Lehman Rus. They still take multiple crew so you've got a commander a driver, four gunners and a loader so in terms of manpower they're still like up there in terms of how much you need for crew

they're super super rare you just don't really see them anymore I can't remember what they're like rules-wise now I know that they were not great before I don't know if that's changed I'm assuming probably not to be honest

I think they're still mediocre It's just a case if you're going to take a Malcador then you may as well take something else because they're just not going to do as well They're just not quite as good They do have though One of my favourite Variants of any tank

Which is just Okay look I'm just going to say it It's just a bunker on tracks And it's brilliant Lots of heavy bolters Yep Yep.

And then move the cannon down a little bit. Yep, they stick a demolish a cannon on the front. You've got some las cannons on the side. And you've got four heavy bolters up top in a bunker formation. This unfortunately takes the crew up because you need an extra gunner, because you've got an extra gun. It's the one that is still used the most out of all of them. But even then, it's still massively, like massively rare.

It's like a good kind of line. breaker tank because you just sort of drive it forwards and most of the armaments on there are anti-infantry so you can just you can just kind of get them in there blow away any like bunkers or pillboxes with demarcher cannon and the heavy balters can just take care of anything walking around it's really like it's it's a weird design I'm not really sure where the inspiration for this is other than like the first kind of world war one tanks where it was just like a massive block of metal, but with guns poking out of every single side. It's probably what it is, actually.

It's great. I really like it. It's silly, and I still don't think it's that great, but it's a cool-looking tank. It's very much like, it looks a lot older than a lot of the Imperial Guard stuff, even by the standards of Imperial Guard. Like, it looks, it just looks World War II. It doesn't look like something that would actually exist. IRL. In the military, it looks like something that may have actually existed in, like, World War I, World War II. Yep. I don't know how well it would do. It's not as far-fetched as, like, a Bainblade, but, yeah, it's...

How dare you? It looks like it could exist. Bainblade is best boy. Don't ever dissing the Bainblade. A Bainblade is great, but I can't imagine a Bainblade in real life. Like, that's... It would never happen. This thing is like, yeah, I could see that.

There was some... There was some tank I was curious about. It was like, it's one of the Lord of War options. It's like a gigantic armored personnel carrier, like a chimera bunker, but also mixed with like a Bainblade. I'm trying to remember the name. I don't know if you had. That is the Crassus.

There's the Crassus or there's the Gorgon. There's two different ones. So the Crassus is this is this guy, which is just a massive bunk. Oh, Jesus. On tracks with heavy bolts attached to the front of it. The other one is the Gorgon, which... I don't have an image of that, actually. Which is...

That looks very, like, very kind of World War I, World War II. I'm just seeing it if you can find a decent picture of it. Because it's the Armoured Assault Transport. It's not available... It looks like a turtle. That's what it looks like with its bat. It looks like a fucking turtle. There we go.

So the other one is this one. So that's the... Oh God, I've seen that. Yeah, it's kind of not that. It's just got a massive ramp on the front. It's not available anymore, sadly. Which is a shame because I quite like it. But those are the other two transports outside of the chimera and the Stormlord.

I can't think of any others. I think it's the Macarius. No, that's not the one. The, yeah, the Macarius is another super heavy tank. Um, I thought there was like some enormous, like 700 point tank that you could use to... Yes, Shai found it.

What the fuck is that? Yeah, that's a Space Marines Legion transport, so that's the Mastodon Heavy Assault Transport. Oh, it's a Marine transport. Oh, okay. The Mastodon was well, yes. I thought I think it was so funny because it looks like, it's just so fat. It's so cool.

It just like a massive truck to me. It's just like a massive truck with tracks. It's great. It does look pretty cool, actually. I do kind of like that Mastodon. I think it's because that grill. That grill really makes it look kind of like... Yeah.

Just like, yeah, I like it. That's cool. It looks like it would not stop for anything, which is great. Also, I can't get the image out of my head that was the Cassius one that looks like a turtle. Now I'm just imagining. it with like a bandana around its size, like a blue bandana.

It looks like a fucking turtle. It really does. There is a more awesome version of the Crassus, which I was kind of saving to be one of the last ones, but I'll throw it in now because the Crassus has come up, because... So, what they did, they took the Crassus, and they went, all right, but what if instead of carrying troops,

it carried a shedload of missiles? Oh my God, it's literally just one of those missiles. um thing those things you know what they are you see them fire sometimes they look cool yeah yeah yeah it's

they just took out the troop transport capacity and uh and stuffed a heavy assault launcher into it so it's also if those missiles are as long as that shed

those are some fucking ridiculous adeptus ridiculous uh huh missiles it was unintentional it was completely into him but anyway I caught myself but yeah those have got to be some

ridiculous missiles I said it again, but whatever I was giving up on the second one yeah I gave up on the second one I was looking for a better adjective like fuck it I've given up too I just yeah but yeah it's

I love that it's it's so so good and it again really good mix of like old design like the front of it does not look sci-fi in any way It just looks like some really ancient tank from World War I or World War II, like mixed together. But then you've got this properly like kind of sci-fi missile launcher on the back.

It's such a good mix. It's great. It almost looks like if you fired those bottom missiles, they would collide just barely with the top of the tank. It does. I'd have wondered whether you can. One day I'll buy one because I want to know if you can tilt it up a little bit of. further so that it doesn't look like it's about to annihilate itself once it fires the bottom road. Maybe it's just a bad angle, right? They're just like, oh yeah, we've got to tip this a little more.

Yeah. So the last couple, we do have, for the ultimate mix of Old and You, when we were talking about the Malcador before, there is a variant of the Malcador, which is, it's the perfect mix of ancient and sci-fi because it's the

Valdor Tank Hunter. What the fuck is, was the name of Constantine, Yes, yeah. So it's the Malcador chassis, but they strapped a neutron laser projector onto it. Whoa, a what? A neutron laser projector? Did you say? Wait, so the Onagardadoon crawlers can carry neutron lasers. So is this like a triple-barreled variant or something? It's like a long range heavy variant of it that just destroys targets. I'd believe it says it's the direct thing is it destroys targets on the molecular level. There's a space marine vindicator that has a similar load out, but it has two, no, it's the Cerberus super heavy tank that they've got that has a twin-linked version of it, because of course it does, but it's like it's a proper dark age of technology gun, so they can't,

they can't make them anymore. They can't do anything other than maintain them. fire them and if something goes wrong with the firing then you can have a feedback loop which will then tear the tank apart which is not great and you know the weapon can fail and they'll have to replace it with something else it's so good

because the Malcador is by far the oldest looking tank that the Imperial Guard have access to it's like proper ancient doesn't look like it belongs in a sci-fi universe at all but then there's a version of it that has a like a giant laser cannon

on it. And it's such a good mix of the two. But it goes two ways because there's the Neutron version and then there's and then there's this which is the Malcadourin furnace. What the fuck is that? Oh my God.

Wait is that is that the fuel? Yo, is that the war rig from Mad Max Street Road? It's got the gas in the back. That might be the dumbest tank I've ever seen in my life. Ever. It's great. It's so good. So they've taken the Malcador, which, as we've already established, is slow as anything.

It's like, it's, I mean, the off-speed, the off-road speed, I believe is it's either 10 or 15 kilometres an hour, right? The on-road speed is like 20, if that. And that is just carrying a purely anti-infantry, like anti-bunker weapon in the form of a gigantic, titan-grade, Flamer. So it's like a similar kind of Flamer that you'd find being carried by a Warhound Titan, but they stuck it to the oldest, most knackered chassis that they have, and then it carries the fuel behind it in a trailer. Well, when it blows up, they're not losing anything too important then. No. I love how the fuel has an exhaust pipe attached to it. Like, it's fuel. It's just supposed to siphon forward into the flamer, right? Why does it need an exhaust?

Pipe. For exhaust? Sure. Dude, I don't. Dude, I don't. 40K, man. It's great. Imagine if you're flying overhead and you're like, what is that tank?

What's that thing behind? Show it to fuel. Now, listen, that is a very awesome tank and a very awesome flame thrower, but it is not the coolest flame thrower in 40K. I can confirm this. It is the second. The coolest flamethrower is stuck on something called the Knight Valiant, and it's called a conflagration cannon. But there's a relic version of it known as the Traders Pire, and that is the coolest, that is the coolest flame thrower in 40K.

So I'm sorry, Mad Max Warrig. You've been out done, kid. What a name the Traders Pire? It's actually Kyrath, I don't know if you've seen it in game But it's strength 7 minus 2 Flat 2 damage 3D6 shot Auto-hitting Flamer

Traders Pire lets you re-roll all wounds I've been on the receiving end of one It was not great It's so nasty It was not great for me I mean the night value isn't particularly good Even though the harpoon is fucking hilarious But it's a triple barreled flame thrower

It's so good That's what that looks like. I got a picture of it. That's no one. It's my favorite night. It's so cool. That's pretty great. Yeah, that's way cooler than the tank.

I got to say, it's way cooler. It's not hard as I'm a core side of tank. That's true. With its little fucking caboose of gasoline. Yeah, fair enough. Funny enough, the tank, quite often a heavy target if it's ever deployed. Can't imagine why. You know, you see something with a literal Titan Flamer on it, and you're like, I should probably get rid of that.

It's traveling at like two miles an hour. It should be pretty easy. You know what I find incredibly hilarious with that, though? Like, notice how the, how the carriage is on like a wheel. It's like a rusted wheel. It's just on like cartwheels. They couldn't even give it, like they have the Cyclops demolition vehicles, right? Like, even the Cyclops demolition vehicles have fucking trends. What the hell? And those are suicide bots.

Just rusted bicycle. It's so dumb. It probably makes the most awful sound as it's rolling around. It's like those tricycles in it or something, where it's like, right, hurry, hurry. That's a really nicely painted one, but it's still fucking stupid. It's still stupid. Yeah, exactly.

It looks great. It's still dumb. That said, is this a time to admit I do own one? I just haven't put it together yet. The thing is, I know it, I know it, I know how dumb it is, but it's one of the reasons I like it so much. I feel like if you're buying that, if you're buying it, you know, you know what's dumb. You have to have a level of self-awareness, don't you?

You have to be like, this is idiotic. It has a gasoline caboose. I mean, come on. So stupid. I wouldn't say this is a stupid. This is the weirdest variant of all of these with the Malcador, because it doesn't look anything like a Malcador. So, before we move on to the last two things, what the hell? That is the minor tour. So what they did was they took the, they took the, like, the chassis of the Malcador, and then they just strapped two Earthshaker cannons to it.

So it drives, it drives forward, but it fires backwards. So when it drives, like when it moves, the guns are facing away from it. And it's got this kind of enclosed thing that's been built up around it. It has, yeah, it has two Earthshaker battle cannons on it. And it's just like a more ridiculous basilisk because it's got twice the weaponry. Ah, missed it. Damn it! I even wrote it down.

You followed into a trap again. I failed it. You activated my trap card. Would you say this thing was called a, a. Minotar? So this, yeah, this is the, this is the, the, I, look, I'll be honest, it throws me the difference in pronunciation

between what I say and what you say. I mean, I mean, it makes me want to pronounce it both ways. Minotar and myattar, I think both work. I was going to look up the, the rules for it, and I can confirm it's trash, but it looks really cool, while also looking dumb.

Yeah, yeah. Can't confirm it's trash, but looks, it literally is. It literally is. Super World War I, World War II. It's literally late. experimental weapon from then. The front facing shield

just makes it so that if you get hit with AP1, it's AP0. This thing just has two Twitter Shaker cannons and has 300 points. This thing is so bad, but it's so dirty. I love it. Yeah, it's another one that's another one that's where you look at it and go, that is

terrible and I need it immediately. Like it's just oh my goodness. It's a great design piece for your desk. You've got to have one. Yeah. So the last two that we have is the Macarius. What even is that?

Yeah, I was going to say. Oh, no, no, never mind. That's the, yeah, never mind. That's the other variant. Oh, okay. Bye bad. I was very confused too for a second there. It's like, that fucking doesn't have any weapons. It borderline doesn't look like the same vehicle from multiple angles.

It's great. It's like, what the hell am I looking at? Oh, no, it's the same thing as before, but it just doesn't look right because none of it looks right. So the other one is the Macarius, which, is another super heavy. So it's kind of similar to the Bainblade, a little bit smaller, doesn't have quite as many weapons on it, but it's essentially what Forge World's build

if they don't have the STC for the Bainblade. So it's not as popular, but it's another super heavy tank, which, I mean, to be fair, I quite like the look of these. I think they look pretty decent. They are... they're again maybe looking a little bit older

a little bit more kind of maybe kind of end of World War II sort of experimental weapon sort of thing in some in some areas but it's cool because it's got like a decent range of guns so it's got a twin-linked battle cannons

as opposed to having a mega battle cannon or a single battle can you get on a Lehman Rus it's got twin-linked battle cannons on the turret and it does actually have a turret unlike the Malchador which doesn't have one it just has guns at phase four so that instantly makes it better than that. There's also a tank hunter variant that's got vanquisher cannons instead, again, twin-linked.

And yeah, it's a cool, it's a cool tank. It does look decent. And it does have the best variant of any of these Ford World tanks, in my opinion, because it has also got one that's got a Vulcan Megabolter in the turret, which is also the best one rules-wise. I think I know about the, I think it's, is it the Vanquish? sure or is it the um no it's the the the macarius vulcan duh yeah um yeah that's that's pretty neat

I like the Vulcan Megabultor though it has fewer shots than the Stormlord for some reason but it's it's still pretty neat oh yeah that one looks super badass I love that one it's a great looking tank it's one of I think one of the best ones at forge will do um yeah it's it's got again it's like it doesn't have as much of a mix of like old and new, but it just looks super rugged and heavy, but it's not quite on the same level of like absurd size as the Bainblade is, because the Bainblade looks like stupidly big next to a Lehman Rus. The Macarius is not quite, not quite of the same kind of, the same kind of ridiculous size. Adeptus ridiculous.

It also has a bit of a nice change where the stubby, the stubby. Vulcan Megabalter is in the back instead of the front, like the Stormlord, so it makes it look a little bit better that way instead of being so front heavy and flat. Yeah, yeah. It looks more, it looks like sleeker, just a bit more kind of,

a bit more pleasing to the eye. I've really liked them. I've yet to buy one, but I'm going to end up with one because I want the Vulcan Megabalter one. It just looks great. I'm not even, I think it's the best one rules-wise, the Vulcan Megabalta one,

but it's one of those things where, as soon as I as soon as I kind of saw them, I went, I need to own that regardless of how good it is, because look at it. It's perfect. I don't know why, but it's giving me Halo vibes.

Because the Scorpion tank has the gun in the way back, like a scorpion. Oh, right. I forgot about the Scorpion. It's been a while since I played the Halo trilogy. I never played Halo 4, though. That has nothing to do with this Imperial Guard Tank, D.K., how dare you?

Sorry Excuse you Excuse me Princess I'm just now trying to remember Whether I've played any Halo Outside of the first one When it was released on PC

Which then just makes me feel Like I'm crumbling into dust From the passage of time Hey I've got Halo 1 I was bought Halo 1 For my birthday When I was three and a half years No I'm kidding

You wish I mean You wish Boomer Great hand-eye coordination for a three-year-old though That's impressive Hey hey you see those kids Who play like Fortnite

At like seven years old And just dumpster people There's a thing there Are you comparing yourself to Fortnite kids right now Is that what you're doing? I'm showing that with my age Apparently goes my hand-eye coordination Because I was a better gamer as a kid

That I am today I think I'm a better gamer now than I was as a kid I was a dumb kid I think you're just still a bad gamer Oh harsh I'm just blown away by the sudden The sudden source of apparently

Good Krieg variant paint jobs On fur affinity Why Wait what? What the fuck shy? That's a really well-painted tank. It was great. Why is it on there?

Wow. Man, this is... Look at all the object source lighting and Zenithal highlighting. It's so good. I'm sad that all the guardsmen are wearing first suits with Lerlas guns. Oh, God. Looks like a Beast Man army, but it's not. Okay, we've been going for like an hour and a half.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's been fun, but... It's okay, we don't have to edit it Yo, the Cyclops Devolution Vehicle, let's go! Let's end the episode with a bang. That is the last one. I saved it for last.

Yeah, I love this thing. I actually use them on the tabletops sometimes. They're so fun. It's a tiny remote control tank that blows up when it reaches the target. That's it. It is a 40K RCXD. I love that. It actually does some pretty legitimate damage, too.

It's not bad. It's not bad. It's legitimately, like, actually quite scary. It hurts really bad, and it's cheap as shit. How cheap we talking? Well, so that's it... Oh, my God, shy. I don't think so. I think it's just a meme, but it's still very good. I wish that was how they got deployed. That's great.

If I'm not mistaken... That's off the... that's off the Forge World. Is it? the 4-to-world website, yeah. You can tell from the they've got the background. They always have that blue line part way up the picture that fades down into white again. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's an official image. Oh, my God. So good. So a Cyclops demolition vehicle is a 50-point model. It moves 10 inches. And the whole idea is that its demolition charge is a heavy 2D6 strength 9 minus 2

D3 damage weapon with 6 inch range and when you decide to detonate it at like the end of your movement phase or the beginning of your shooting phase every single enemy within 6 inches gets hit by that weapon which

can be actually legitimately devastating wow that might be my favorite of the episode I'll be honest with you I literally save the best for last. That's what I did.

That is, that's amazing. I love it. I love it. It's a cute widow tank. It's so, oh my God. I thought, first thing I thought that was Dean Kamen. It's not Dean Kamen. I didn't realize it was based off

actual, because I knew the, I knew the, what is it, the stupid Markadorian furnace is based off various tanks from World War II, where they just put the flamethrowers on them, including one that actually towed the fuel source behind it.

Again, went about as well as you'd expect. Yeah, I imagine so, yeah. Wait, no shit. This thing actually has a rule that lets it embark on transports. Compact. Can embark and disembark

in an Astro Militarum transport as if it was an infantry model, but it takes up the six models and you can't blow it up immediately the same turn after it gets out. But that is so funny. What's 40 divided by six?

Because you could stick a bunch of them in a stormlord. That'd be six, that'd be six point something. So you could stick six of them. Stick six of them in a storm lord. And they all just come out like little flies, like a carrier. Yeah. That'd be so good. Oh, God.

That truly is the best. I love that. Especially that image of it coming out of the other. This truly is the Warhammer 40K. You've done it, Horace. You've done it, Horace Lupo Call. You've killed me. You truly are the Warhammer 40,000s.

Oh, God. The rail. That's it. I'm out of tanks. That is all the tanks I have at my fingertips. That's it. The tanks. Hey bro, we put tanks in your tanks

Maybe tank us home, Bricky, huh? Ah, that's pretty ridiculous, D.K. That's pretty adeptus, ridiculous, Ricky. That's so funny. Oh, I want to die. Hit me with a Cyclops demolition vehicle and end my suffering. Ouch. Actually, I feel like I...

No, right. Thank you, everyone, for listening to this extra episode. A big thank you to Kirioth for joining us. Kiraath, plug. Plug. Plug yourself. Plug. Plug. Be like Fulgub and plug. I just... Oh, God.

Oh, that physically hurt me. Oh, Christ, okay. Come on. Instead of plugging, can I just walk? No. I do Warhammered stuff on YouTube. There's a channel. It's just Kiriath. Just search for Kiriath.

You'll find me. Pretty much on any other. in every platform. And if it's 40K or Games Workshop or just war game related in general, I'll probably do something on it at some point. DK.K. What can they find you? DK. Demonties everywhere. Twitter, Twitch, YouTube,

all the places. I don't really use Twitch and YouTube much anymore, but hey, if you want to go check out the stuff I used to do, go check out the stuff I used to do. Hey, Bricky, where do they find you at? You want to check out the stuff I used to do, you know? It's just the things I used to do They can find me a brickie

In brickie, at Bricky, around Bricky And near Bricky Oh And Shai too You can find Shai hit Quite Shallow, The Quiet Shallow In all the places, Twitter, Twitch, you know You all know Shy, you all probably came here

for Shai, I didn't need to shill her, but anyway Shia's- Funny edits Shai's edits are what keeps our entire entire podcast alive. If it was just us, we would have been dead a long time ago. I've been dead in the water. First episode

Brick, right? Brick? Hey! That's me. I'm that guy. And the episode.