Adeptus Ridiculous - The Book GW Wants You To Forget: Jaq Draco Trilogy | Warhammer 40k

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousWe finally did it. We read the most cursed, infamous, and absolutely unhinged trilogy in Warhammer 40,000 history: Ian Watson’s The Inquisition War.​Back in 1990, before the lore was established, Games Workshop tapped an award-winning sci-fi author to introduce the universe. The result? A disaster featuring Inquisitor Jaq Draco and a retinue that includes a Squat and an assassin who had surgery to transform into a "sexy" Genestealer.​In this anniversary episode, we suffer so you don't have to. We’re diving deep into the absolute madness.Support the show

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamantis. His name is Bricky. And, oh, look at that. Anniversary episode means it's Carriott. But before all that, if you enjoyed today's episode and you want to support us, heading over to the Patreon, patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. You know the drill. Links in the description. Bericke, take them away. Hello, it's me. I'm Bricky.

I'm here because of lots of thing and stuff and thing. So it is, I'm sorry. Sorry, D.K. and Shia and Kurioth. What anniversary is it today? Oh, man. Is this the... Oh, no. Fifth year... Yeah, it's a third.

Right. Five years. Half a decade. My bones are crumbling. Just ash and dust. Waking up. Check my brow and I... sweat my rust. So true. It is the five-year anniversary of Adeptus, ridiculous. And because it's the anniversary, we're going to have a bit of a longer episode today. Before we get

into that, we want to do a big thank you to many of folks for this episode. Ted Zero for the thumbnail and other art. Carolina, for all of the background art that we have. I can never pronounce is it Zephyr? How is their name? I just call them Halestay because I think that's their Twitter handle. Yeah, okay. Hallestay for all the poster arts. Sinvicta for this theme songs for all of our podcasts.

Sparky for being the assistant editor. Possum or Strawberry Possum for script writing, research, and unwavering mental stability. The patrons, of course, each and every one of you for your unwavering support, as we can only continue to do this podcast. thanks to all of you. And of course, well,

this is written by Shai, so I was going to say myself, but Shai D.K. Krioth, myself, my friend, dear associates for hosting this podcast.

The way Shai struggled and could not write friends, which is great. My friend, Collings, a so, right. Beh,

starts to melt into sludge. Um, But it's been five years, a very, very good time of the five years. A fun, a fun little niche that we've, we've encountered. Yeah. Warhammer has always been known for having lots of overly complicated and difficult lore. And not to mention a lot of, um, kind of dry technical stuff for long, long explanations. And our niche was carved specifically into simplifying all that.

shit getting some of it wrong and having people who aren't really that interested or know much about Warhammer get into the hobbies. So I'd say it's been a pretty awesome time. Yeah, I was going to say getting it wrong and having a great time doing it. Hell yeah, that's the good stuff. But we have been warned today that Kiriath is, you said you had to pre-read the script so you can save your mental health? Oh, yeah, well, you know, I like to, I like to read the scripts in advance, make sure I know what's going on. And I did that yesterday.

And it went so poorly or well, I don't know how will you, like how to describe it fully, that I ended up stopping and then opening up OBS and recording myself reading it for the first time. Because there were so many things that made me either, you know, recoil in horror or just asked the question, why? Why, though? Why is that in here? So if you want to sign up to the Patreon, that will be up there. It is literally 20 minutes of me only vaguely, slightly avoiding a massive crash out. So you've got that to look forward to after the episode as well, which bodes well for this, doesn't it? I know you think of yourselves, this is going to be,

this is going to be absolute perfection when it comes to an anniversary episode, not law, But an anniversary episode, that's where it's going to shine. The way I hoped you were going to start off this episode by saying, so you guys like sci-fi, right? I don't want to, I don't want to inflict that PTSD on a chunk of the audience. Apparently, if anyone was to blame for this, it would be shy, as she stated that she ordered Possum to write this script to torment, D.K. and Bricky, which I don't know, I don't know, shy.

My heart's a little black. I don't know if you can quite get at me that way. Your heart is a little black. What, what, what, what, sir? I get, look, I'll be honest. There is a specific, like, it's maybe like four words in the sentence that I know is going to get you. Is it like I'm not. It is not.

Because those are four words that do get me. It's true. It's true. Every time. Those are four evil, evil words. He shrieg slaughter from the words. from the Warhammer 40,000. Featuring slaughter from the slaughter with the slaughter.

Good Lord. Okay. All right. Well, you know, we got only so much time. And by that, I mean two hours. So let's see who we got. Well, I've got a mystery quote, which won't help whatsoever. So what I'll do is I'll give the mystery quote and then probably just go straight into it.

I just want to see what the reaction is. So, well, we don't know if it's a good thing we're talking about today. This could all be a lead up to Kiryov being like, here's the worst thing that ever happened in Warhammer history. And that was a quote from one D.K. Diamantis in the You've Been Lytto about Corn episode. So that probably sets the tone. Right, deep breath. We're going in.

The year is 1990. At this point, there had been some anthologies and novels for Warhammer Fantasy, but 40K had been steadily getting popular since its inception in 87. It was time to do a book or three within that universe. to really sell it. Instead of getting an up and coming author to lead the initial charge, GW tapped in Ian Watson. Oh.

Now, now, I must say, I mean this in the kindest method. I was not a real, I did not know Ian Watson was as old as he is. And there's a little bit of like respect that is, re-bubbled up to Mr. Ian Watson because he's like, what, 83 or something? Yeah, he's been around for a while. And, you know, he was, as pointed out right here, one of the most significant British science fiction authors, and he had already claimed the British Science Fiction Association's best new novel award and the Pre-Apola Award by the time he was, you know, brought in for 40K.

So, you know, he's he's got the pedigree there. He's got the skill. Sure. Also, considering the subject matter of Warhammer, him being born smack dab in 1943 and handling a lot of, growing up in a very post-World War II era, I think is puts him right in prime in a great, great spot that can really help us all understand Dorn's poop fault. well this this also this also means that he was what 47 when writing what we're about to read

which it certainly puts a complexion on it I'm not sure what that complexion is but it does definitely put a certain a certain like a little bit of taste to the proceedings he was a bit risque a bit pulp but Ian was provided all the limited background material he needed to write these books, including the very recently released

realm of chaos books, and was sent on his way to make a grim, dark science fiction book in this implicitly horrific new setting. And he certainly delivered something. The Inquisition War trilogy consists of the first 40K book ever Inquisitor, renamed Draco in 1990, Harlequin in 1994, and Chaos Child in 1995. The infamy of the Inquisitor War books is long standing within the community. And today, for the anniversary episode, you're going to learn why. Not just by getting a summary of the books, but also reading some of the notable lines yourselves so that you can experience it firsthand.

And Possum has put a little note here. I have suffered once more, and now you're going to suffer with me. So that's nice. Oh, I was going to say, that wasn't really a quote we were going to guess, really. Oh, no. I was kind of like waiting for it. Oh, okay. So in case you didn't know, this trilogy is subject to an explicit content warning of literally everything.

Like, actually everything. And there's some things that Possum didn't go over that happens in the books and the little short stories, because this is already a hefty episode. So just know that if you sit in there thinking, well, this has been forgotten. It's not been forgotten. Possum has had it seared into their mind's eye. and they will never forget this trilogy, so don't worry about that.

Oh, is that a K-Sun on book two? Chaos Child? Oh, yeah, you've spotted him. My boys. I can notice that trim anywhere. Oh, no. Please, no, God, no. I'm sure they will be treated with dignity and respect.

Oh, I hate that. I hate that you said it like that. Don't love that, but go off. things. So one Jack Draco, or Jacques Draco, depending on how you want to go with it, was born on Xerxes Quintus at some point in roughly M38. The fifth planet in a solar system with a harsh white sun. This was a world of farmers, fissiffic, mutants, and wild psychers. By the time he was born, Xerxes Quintus had only been back in the Imperial Fault for about 100 years. Memories of the time before were warped into bizarre myths and religion on the planet, and it was a weird

heaven and hell of a world. Half of the world was a borderline demon world with horrible abominations walking around, while the other half was a lush coastal paradise. But looks were deceiving. Even those, even those on the coast, worshipped the Lord of Change. Always a good start. Yep. Oh. I mean, nothing like a little, you know, zinch worship, you know, nothing quite like it. I do love that they've been back in the Imperial Fowl for a hundred years. still loving that law to change though still really like it well that's just half the planet right

just this is half the planet and the people on the coast everybody else is a emperor fearing loyalist oh definitely the other half is like boardline demon world so there's definitely got to be some zingh worship going on over there as well right there's no way they've got out of that scot-free

thank god we have the mentally stable inquisitor drake on his way over A pillar of stability, right? So half mutants, half paradise, all demon worshippers, sick. Even on a, even demon worshippers are having some kind of class divide. Happens. It happens everywhere, even on a demon world. So when the planet was found, the Imperium thought that the coastal farming and fishery potential of the planet would be great.

so long as they could convert the neighbouring planet of Quartus into a mining world. Missionaries worked to convert the population to the good word of the god emperor, while Jacques's parents had some other tasks. They were particularly adept at genetics, so they were utilised to help uplift the population to imperial standards in some way or another. At the age of two, Jacques's parents were killed by demon-possessed psychers while doing science work in the woods.

You know, that's... I mean, to be, that's not the craziest thing I've ever heard in a 40K story. It's not. That's par for the course. I just love possum's phrasing on that. Yeah. It feels very casually. Yeah.

It feels very kind of she was killed in the Amazon whilst researching spiders or wherever that life was. It got that sort of vibe. So Jack at this point quickly whisked away as an orphan and brought to a mission school. He vowed vengeance against demons and the psychas who tried to master demons for killing his parents

at this very young age. He became very pious and was deeply dedicated to the god emperor when, at the age of 12, he would realize that he himself was a cyca the thing he hated most. You've become you hate. It's a good story writing, isn't it?

But we're only like two pages. in, so don't worry, you'll get worse. I'm just going to say, it's story writing anyway. He was questioning in his youth, and he was ordered to study the Codex Impuritatus to memory as a punishment of his questioning in doubt.

The what? Look, I don't know what this is. I'm assuming it never shows up again. I didn't recognize it. It's that. The Codex Impuritatus. I'm sorry. I thought you said, like, a a very bad word.

The Codex Empirototus, yeah. Okay, now I'm concerned that I've said something awful. No, no, no, you're fine. You're fine. You're good. It sounded a little bit goofy.

It's all right. I'm loving. Oh. Well, Shire's double-checked for us and no results matching the query on that particular codex. So it's just something they threw in here

because it sounds like, oh yeah, he found it. a psycher. I'm sure there's an impure codex that they can read to for it. Yeah, something like that. It's the classic case of here's a random thing they added. They don't need to explain later. Yeah. Yeah. Just chuck a vaguely Latin word at it.

Move on. Forget it was over there. Easy. The 40K story. No, so he has to, like, he has to study this and memorize it as a punishment, but this served as an accidental preparation for him to ultimately join the Inquisition. In his studies, he concluded that the only way to properly

fight against the darkness of demons was to empower psychas within the Imperium as living weapons against the hell of chaos. In his many dreams, he saw devilish visions, but he saw the blinding and true light of the emperor himself, and he felt that he could be that beacon. He was eventually taken by one of the black ships due to his psych and nature, and was interrogated. However, he was deemed too necessary and too powerful to waste. So he would become an inquisitor and would rise through the ranks and join the Ordo Marius. Woo-hoo. Hey.

Started from the bottom, now we're here. Literally, he was on the demons. You did it. The demon world and now he hunts demons. Yay. Yay, he did it. That's, and that's the end. The end of the story.

Happy anniversary, everyone. See you next week. Shortest episode yet. Narrative cohesion, oh yeah. So the story of the Inquisition Wars opens up with a note stating that the accounts in the books are restricted archives that have a clearance level of the million. We have the notes from another Inquisitor

that doubts the validity of the text we're about to read, but the Inquisitor doesn't have access to classified documents in the hidden archives so they can't verify this. He can, however, verify that all of the members of Jacques Retin you were real, but there's no living witness to, like, testify towards it. Worst of all, the accusations made in the text are so blasphemous and heretical that it poses a risk to the Imperium as a whole, and they should be destroyed.

Archive and be damned, this stuff has got to go. And then you get a nice, it's heavy stuff. There's an actual warning from the Ordo-Malleus archive itself, which, you know what, DK, you can be first up, although I've just noticed that. there is a slight copy-paste nonsense going on. All right. There we go. Sorted.

Warning! What follows is the so-called Liber Secretarium or Book of Secrets of Jack Draco, the Renegade Inquisitor. This is a book which may have been deliberately designed as a weapon to sabotage faith and duty. The primary purpose of the Lieber may be to so distrust and doubt. discord among the hidden masters of our orders so as to undermine the order ordo malice from within. The intention might also be to cast doubt upon the motives of our immortal god emperor himself.

Praise his name. We do not know. Anyone authorized to scan this Liber Secretarium is privy to the darkest of conspiracies. Anyone not thus authorized faces the penalty of mind scrubbing or death. In either event, you are warned. Lever a secretorium Secretorum Goofia

This is goofy Is there your secrets I know writers you use subtext and they're all cowards That's So true So true Pretty severe warning there

So going into it It would make sense To be on your guard Which is why it's hilarious to me that it's ironically followed by the first line of the prologue, where Jack Draco writes, believe me, I intend to tell the truth as I experienced it. So, classic mixed messaging, love that. So we open up on the wrong foot.

The first paragraph of the book is Jack Draco's navigator, judging the outfit of a Caledus assassin as too revealing. Wait, wait, a Caledus assassin? Yes. As in the skin-type body suit assassin. Yep. As something revealing. Yeah, no, you can't be having...

Hey, that's hugging her curves in all the wrong ways. It's making me think wrong things, brother. It's too revealing. My third eye weeps at the sight of this. What do you mean? It's leaving nothing to the imagination. I'm mad. First paragraph of the book proper.

Like, incredible. Incredible work. And as Palsam says, bodes pretty poorly for the rest of it. But this is a great time to introduce the early retinue of Inquisitor Jacques Drago. The Caledus assassin here is named Melindi. She was born with the name Lindy in a barbarian tribe on a feral planet before she was accruited by the assassinorum.

They tried to remove any trace of her original identity during her training, but she refused. Loudly yelling, me Lindy, me Lindy, me Lindy to the point where they made that her name. Ah, I... I... Ha, Dave. Calde assassin, eh?

Real Hodor vibes from that, to be honest. She's described as almost Amazonian. Jacques knows he's supposed to not obsess over her, but it's a bit too late for that. She is a master of disguise, but more recently, this mastery was hampered a bit. she got a genetic modification so that she oh god i've read this like four times and i still can't get through it

she got a genetic modification so that the only form she can currently perfectly transform into is a gene stealer huh why who would look look we don't what you need to know the most important why would she only do that what purpose does that even serve She just looks

It serves a When she wants to It's fine Oh no Oh no It's all flooding back I was wondering Were the name

Draco reminded me From something Oh no I remember now I remember now Continue Oh God damn We're doing this

Oh man Bricky is correct The sudden real It's so early It's making Krista crash out Holy shit Oh I remember now

I remember now I vaguely remember him being brought up in an episode as being very like, oh, God, this is awful. But I don't remember any specific example. So I am intently listening, Kariya. Can we, like, I know this is more work for you, but can we, can we splice in where at the start break you, it's like, you're not going to get me.

I have a cold black heart or whatever. Because I feel like that the amount of time that lapsed between that statement and that crash out is really small. About 20 minutes, it's actually. Right around 20 minutes, yeah. I don't know if you can quite get at me that way. So, yeah, Melinda can only currently perfectly transform into a gene stealer, and we'll get into that and how that is particularly hot for one Jacques Drako. Oh, boy.

Please tell me that was just a joke, possum line, that that was just like, oh, yeah, she can turn into a gene stealer. Oh, it's a joke all right. Don't you worry. Oh, don't worry. No, you've got nothing to fear from this. The navigator is named Vitally Google. That's all you need. Look.

Look, type it, I'll type it. Batali Google. Yeah, that is, that is their name. Yeah, all right, all right. That's how I'd read it for sure. There are some insane names at this book, by the way. It's mad. That's all you really need to know about the navigator right now.

The other person that's with them is a squat named Grimm, which, again, dates the book somewhat, whose description is almost identical to the scout class in Deep Rock Galactic. The others call him Grimbo, and he hates it. So now you know what the rest of you are like. Okay. Jacques Draco and his crew are on the planet of Stalin Vast. They're in disguise. Jack is a rogue trader and his crew as, well, the crew of a rogue trader, and living it up in a gorgeous hotel.

in the capital city of Vesiliaryov or something. That's fine. I don't care about that one. Yeah. I cared about Google. I don't care about that one. Finally Google, yeah. They've been sent there by a higher-up auto-malleus inquisitor,

essentially Jack's boss, named Balpharenzi to monitor the actions of another inquisitor named Hark Obispoise. These, fuck, I hate these names Oh no, hang on, I go. Park Obispa? Do they just have, like, a random name generator that they used for 40K names or something? These are weird. No, this is before AI existed.

They're just using Coke. Before AI existed, Coke. Lines of it. I mean, wait, when was this book written again? 1990. The 90s are, well. I mean, is that, does that predate the internet? or no.

The 90s, no. But I mean, like, the, the wide use of the. Oh. Oh, yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I was full. Which makes me feel.

I don't know. I don't know where exactly we are at that point in time with it. But all I know is that, all I know is that, you know, these came off the dome is what I'm trying to say. Oh, yeah, definitely. These are. Off the dome, yeah This wasn't just a Google search gone wrong This was

Someone sat down and thought hard about this And they came up with Hark Obisball Amazing work So Fantastic Apparently Readly Available Inso it was a thing for five years When the book came out

Okay, fair enough Well, I'm going readily No, no, no, no I'm not saying readily available I have my old Gateway PC. I may have been born in 95, but I remember the old days. They're readily available as a strong word. AOL gateway crap.

Yeah, but still, anyway. So apparently, the planetary governor had called for assistance due to a gene stealer issue on the planet and agreed to some very aggressive intervention. Obispole is doing a good enough job where Jacques and his crew don't really really have much to do, except, you know, sit around. Oh, God. Melindi admires her breasts in the mirror for the first of many times in this series. The rest of the crew is weird about it, and it's all status quo. You see, when Ignais carcassie does it, it's meant to be weird, though, and funny.

But, but, see, this is, hello human resources? No, the exact meme you're thinking of. I will say this whole series from what I've seen over the last like 24, 14 hours, I would describe it as aggressively horny. So just keep that in mind for later. Obes Bull runs into some trouble, forcing Jack and the gang to intervene. Melendi transforms into a jean steeler so that she can blend in a bit and she rushes in with Grimm by her side, since it's okay to have a squat with you.

but not a guy who apparently looks like Sean Connery from the hunt for Red October. Jacques watches through spy flies as Melindy rescues Obis Bull and then also rescues Grimm because he also gets stomped to death. Nearly, nearly. Doesn't fully get stomp to death, it's just close. Obispool has a very kind of thanks but no thanks attitude and proceeds to vanish. Draco is a bit worried about the whole thing. The Purge was pretty significant.

That could result in warped shenanigans, so he consults his emperor's tarot, which comes up a lot, to figure out what it tells him. While Jacques is playing solitaire, he divines a series of cards. The emperor, a harlequin, an inquisitor, a demon, and a Hulk. As he's figuring out the meaning, the harlequin card speaks to him with a human face and says the hydra is kindled. Oh, well, perfectly normal behavior. Thank God. I was worried about it, you know. Glad we're so normal. Yeah.

That's what they all do. They're very advanced cards. He's justifiably alarmed over the fact that the card is talking to. And as you would be, to fare again. And Jacques says they need to find this man. But it's not actually a man. It's a man dressed as a harlequin. aptly referred to as the

Harlequin Man Wow All right Hey That's all you need to know about him right It's a descriptive name Is this when like Because Harlequins didn't exist

At this time right It's capital H harlequin It is Eldar affiliated Harlequin Oh it is It is The Harlequin Man I didn't realize They went back

that far, but they do. They do. And it will become even more clear as we go along. Oh, will it? Well, relatively. We have a man dressed as a harlequin and, you know, Jacques needs to find out what's going on. So him, Melendi and Grim attempt to track the harlequin man is he lores them into the underhive of Stalin Vast with temptation and threats. Google is just left alone so he can watch TV or something. It's not clear. He just doesn't go with them. Sure. What,

what is the harlequin man tempt them with? Just threats and, what, what was it? Well, it's temptation and threats. So I'm assuming it's, if you play your cars right, you might be able to, I don't know, have sex with the gene stealer woman. I don't know. It's, it's,

it's, Possible wasn't that specific, but having read the rest of this script, my assumption is that that will have been mentioned at least once, you know? All right, well, I guess, imagine what she can do with that extra hand, right? I elect not to

upon reaching the unive area of the city they find the harlequin man another amazing name by the way whose name is

Zepro Cornelian actually actually actually kind of it's better than bloody hark obisball or vitally Google

or vitally Google me when I'm having a stroke and I want to know What's wrong with my innards? My vitals, Google. So as they descend further, they encounter a gigantic, octopus-like creature called the Hydra. The battle is told through memories, but there's a notable fucked up bit as told by Melindi. Sorry, Bricky, you've drawn the short straw here.

Oh, God, okay. Ah, gee whiz, I wonder what any tentacles be doing. Yes, now a tendril gags in my mouth. Yep. Straight away. Yep. He kneels by my head grinning. I flex but can't break free.

He whispers in my ear, this will soon be everywhere on Stalin Vost. And when it's everywhere, ah, then, I don't, end quote. I don't know whether he uses a slim feeler of the, I don't know whether he uses a slim feeler of the hydra. I can't see if he does,

but I suppose he does. An immaterium feel. used as a probe. He reaches into my head, into my brain. He finds the pleasure centered there. He stims it again and again. I am hating him, but I writhe in a betraying ecstasy, an agony of pleasure. Hating him still, I burn with utter delight. Enough, he cries. Your little friend is coming clumpily along. He can never, and Jack can never, make you feel the way I have made you feel today. should you ever wish them to. So remember the ideal.

Remember Zepro-Carnelian, master of the hydra, and off he flees out of sight, I am still moaning. Yikes. Yikes. I'm so glad Bricky had to read that one. Carri-off, why'd you have to make me read a sexual assault? This is fucked up, man. This is fucked up, man.

That's not cool. I apologize. I also had to read it, and I'm simply sharing the misery. What gets me, it's not like they won't have had editors. Other people read that and went, you know what, Ian, this is good stuff. Or, alternatively, they read it and went, Ian, the fuck is your problem, and he must have had to go, no, you've got to leave it in. It's vital.

Either way, what the hell, dude? Stephen King, to his editors, we keep the kid orgy in the book. We keep it in in the in the evil clown turtle book, okay? Or else I walk. It's just bad shit. It's just insane. That's so bizarre. You know what I think it is?

It's probably more like, hey, here's games workshop. They're like 15 people total. And the lore is being handled by like a guy. And it's like, yeah, Ian, just do what you want. You helped write Steven Spielberg's AI. or something, whatever. And yeah, to be fair, it does get worse. Oh, thank you to hear it.

So there's that. Thank God. Thank God. Now, funnily enough, this encounter spooks Jacques and the crew, and they barely make it out. You're surprised, I can tell. It turns out they think this is a pretty nasty threat, like a galactic level threat. So they rush back to the hotel room. And upon returning to this room, it's evident that there was a break in.

All of Jacques's jocquerra. gear is stolen. I've never had to say Giacero out loud before. I don't think. And that really trip me up. It's the monkeys. Yeah, it's the mechanic. It's the monkey that builds things. Yeah. Invent stuff.

The engineer orangutans, that lot. And Google is bound and gagged. He has also shit himself a lot. This is apparently essential information. It's in the book. You need to know how bad it was.

and it was bad. Okay. Jack notes that... Again, why? Jack notes that this threat is too big to ignore, and the only solution is exterminatus, because it will either, A, result in this thing being destroyed, or B, will reveal that the harlequin man is watching him,

allowing him to get a better idea of where he scurried off to. But, unfortunately, his poo-covered navigator can't transmit the order because he's too covered in his own excrement. He needs an astrapath. And as this is a world with a planetary governor, he has to have a dedicated astrapath there where he can send a more direct signal to the nearest space marine fleet.

He makes his way to the governor's office and barges in. The governor, Voronoxvo, again, and just spellings out of the anus, what is happening. He's in the middle of having sex with a bunch of girls with anime eyes. All right. Uh, elaborate? Well, um, the fat man loudly prattled, unctuous apologies from a dim inner room,

Jacques Hood, flesh, slap flesh, with a squeal, a scantily clad girl whose eyes were twice the normal human size scampered out to be caught by one of the guards and led away. So, yeah, it's just, it's literally just, that, that one doesn't bother me as much. That just sounds like Slanesh. Everything Slanesh-wise has big eyes. True. Yeah. That is true.

But, I mean, it turns out that the governor himself is a mutant. And he believed that he agreed to the purge of most of the population because the focus would be on the population and not his mutations, which considering his harem of anime girls is a weird flex. Accurate. So, Jacques managed to get hold of the governor's astrapath named Mama Parsheen. Yeah, that tracks with the names we've got so far. Just why?

Who has been mostly abandoned and left on her own? She's upset and not really having a good time. As he relays the order for exterminators to her, she senses portals opening up around the planet. The hydra was escaping, meaning that Jacques was right, and it was being watched. He quickly tells Moean not to send the order and to instead place a homing beacon mentally on Zepro

so they can track him. He adds Momapashi into his crew since she can track this guy and Jack and the gang return to his ship which is called the tormentum malorum. Right. Again, actually decent name.

But, well, yeah, apparently astropaths can just put a mental homing beacon on things. I was about to ask how the, when, who has ever done that before? Like, I don't know, is that a normal thing? It's not, I, I think it's not who's done that before. I think the more important question is who's done that since.

And I think the answer is fucking nobody. I think that's pretty much how that goes. Yeah. That sounds like a damn. We don't know how they're going to follow them. Astropath does weird mind stuff. Tracking device mentally. We did it.

Follow them. Yeah. I think that's pretty much entirely it. Things on all smooth sailing, though, because during this chase, Mama reveals to Jacques that even though he told her not to send these to a monauster, she did it anyway because of how much she hated that planet and because she wanted to see it burn, which fair? Like, that's fair and valid. I get it. Like, you know. I hate it here. I have an opportunity to see it explode. I'm going to take it. You mean the room you're in? No, the entire planet. Oh, okay. Overroman. reaction much maybe? Like that's a lot. That's a lot to go for.

Yeah, that's a lot. It is 40K though. It's true. I mean, that is generational hatred. I love that. Their journey takes them to a spacehulk and as they explore it to find the Harlequin Man, they are knocked around by the tendrils of the Hydra, which has been watching them since they entered. Jack is taken to a grand banquet and at the front of the banquet is Zephyro Carnelian himself, but around the table are other people. including Inquisitor Hark Obisball and Inquisitor Balferenzie.

Zephyra reveals that this is a secret order within the already secret order of the Ordo Malius. It's secret orders all the way down, apparently. Like, so the guy that just did that stuff is supposed to be on our side? Yep. Nailed it in one. Cool, cool, man. All right. Yeah. The disappointment is tangible.

Secret cult from the secret cult. Okay. Cool. Now, this order is known imaginatively as the auto hydra. Well, the imagery fits. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, ortho hydra? Like. Yeah. Yeah. I can't. Yeah, I mean, I don't get excited for that. Yeah, I'm about saying. I don't think we're in like funny alpha lesion time.

I think this is just No. Hydra is like a cool word for things like this back in the time. Yeah, like a hail hydra deal. Yeah. I really didn't want you

latching onto Hydra in thinking this has potential for hilarious Alpha Legion shenanigans because it doesn't. And I don't want that hog to be built up and then dashed when you get to the rest of what this mess is.

Okay? Like I know, I know the disappointment would have been hilarious, but at the same time there's only so much I can inflict on you in one episode without feeling bad, and I just, I can't, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

There is good news, though. Thanks to Jacques's actions, he's already a member of the Ordo Hydra. The goal of which is simple, control the creature, the Hydra, which is a warp entity, and use it to control humanity. Easy, barely an inconvenience. They have sent tendrils of the Hydra to many human-controlled worlds, and the tendrils are spreading spores that will help unite the galaxy under one order. The hope is that once

everything is united, the Hydra will be able to expel all non-humans from the galaxy assuring total human dominance, all of which is the will of the emperor, according to them. Well, they're not entirely wrong in the last part, but like

how the fuck does that work? Well, so this whole time I have been envisioning the Hydra as, you know, a Hydra. What do you mean they're sending tendrils to other worlds? And they're spores. They're spores as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, of course, of course. My bad. Is this like an intergalactic hydra? Like, what? Well, it's like, it's a warp entity thing. So it's sort of, it's physical, but it's not physical. But also the Ordo Amalius is kind of able to sort of control it, but not really. But they do have the help of the Harlequin Man.

that also... Wait, the Harlequin Man, the connection to which I still don't understand. Yeah, what's the Harlequin Man's name again? That would be a Zepro-Karnelian. Oh, that's the name of the Harlequin Man. Yes, I believe so. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

I thought his name was Harlequin Man. Man then the Harlequin Man. So, I'm sorry. Okay, I think I'm trying to attribute modern knowledge of 40K lore to old knowledge. because at the mole, I mean, don't get me wrong. Killing all the aliens. Super, super cool,

based, love that. Secondarily, the Oroa Malleus is going to use a caged warped entity or something, a warp entity to make humanity superior? Yeah. They're really going down that Cerberus route, eh? Human Reaper, the best plot point of Mass Effect. I don't get it, Kyriath.

I'll be honest, the details of it are somewhat vague and not easily comprehensible. I was going to say, it all comes down to, it all just comes down to Mass Effect, doesn't it, really? That's all I know. Oh, yeah. Oh, we haven't even got to the fact that the Illuminati are in this. Of course they are. It's in here. Oh, we got the Sinsays too. Oh, we're going back. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, this is old as hell law that at this point is, I would assume, not in any way classed as relevant.

So, Jack is essentially forced into the auto-hydra, and he's given a big box that has a piece of the hydra in it so he can do their bidding. As they all make their way to the ship, Melindi notes that the markings of the servitors that are wandering around the Hulk look like the markings of a cave. Chaos Legion. Jacques Draco ejects the hydrobox into space, and he wants to find the origin of this hydra as he doubts the motives of the audio being the will of the emperor. Again, I think that's fair. Also, not for nothing,

Mr Harlequin Man kind of left things a bit poor with Jack before they left. Jack stated the astropath he borrowed sent an exterminator's order despite him canceling the order, and Carnelian just shoots her in her third eye, killing her instantly. So that's...

Not great. I mean, shooting her in the third eye will... I mean, that's the forehead. I mean, yeah, that'll kill her. Even if she doesn't have the third eye, that'll kill her. Yeah. That's vitally Google is now vitally... Oh, no, vitally Google is still going.

The astropath was... Oh, God, what was the name of the astrophopath? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mama Parishine, that was it. Oh, yeah, okay. I think I have that name on my maple syrup container. Fiali Google was the guy who shot himself.

Right. Sorry. I thought they were the same. You're right. Yep, yep. My bad. Sorry. Not a sentence I thought I'd ever say on really any podcast of any nature.

But they go. Mom, the third eye on the syrup is looking at me funny. Throw it away, throw it away! So yeah, we've lost the astropath, get shot, killed, but Jacques still has his soiled GPS, so he can still travel. Oh, amazing phrasing there, Possom. He consults the heart of the cards,

and it guides him and his crew to the Eye of Terror to a very interesting planet. Slinashy one. Now, Bricky, I know you weren't happy with what you had to read, But to be fair, I do have something that is potentially just as bad, but from a different angle. That, that, that, D.K. Are you sure? I think we should let Bricky do another one, though, right?

Oh, no. Mate, there's so many fucking quotes in here, you are both going to get punished over and over again. Like, don't worry about that. Oh, you've got, you've got pages of this left. There you go. Oh, the buildings of the city ahead were gross idols to corrupted pleasure. Some of those buildings were modeled to represent lascivious deities, many-breasted, many organed avatars of twisted lust.

In the weird veil-like, the hunched-back shadows of dark gods seem to brood everywhere. Spouts of flaming gas leapt up, adding further spasmodic elucing, Other great buildings were giant, mutated solo genitalia, horned phallic towers arose, wrinkled, ribbed, blistered with window postules, cancerous breast dome swelled, fondled by scaly finger buttresses. Tongue bridges lick these buildings, sliding back and forth. Scrotum pods swayed. Orifice entries pulsed open and shut, glistening. Some buildings were in Congress with each other, headless, limbless torsos flying side by side joined abominably. Through this magnoscope, Jacques spy nipples that were heavy-duty laser nacells and lingam shafts that were projectile tubes. The inhabitants were mere ants by comparison with this

Archaeotonic orgy. I like how I cower as I speak about my heart. And D.K. puts his whole pussy out there for it and just let's go. I put my whole day and chest into it. Of course. Wrinkled, wrinkled, ribbed, blistered, oh my God. Wrinkled ribbed, blistered, breasts domed and fondled by scaly finger buttresses for her pleasure.

the magic wand could never Yeah With window postules no less Yeah the approach to English in this thing Crancerous breast dome swell Did you know If you put a dash between two words That makes it legitimate

Did you know that? Yes Just any two words You can just put a dash in there And it's all good That's a good point Let's read a couple of these So we've got tongue bridges

Finger buttresses scrotum pods, orifice entries. You know, we also have heavy duty, which I don't think needs a dash, but I'm not 100% sure on that one. Breast domes. Breast domes, of course, of course. Scrotum pods. Yep, I just want to make sure on that one, you know, happy for you, Ian. Granted, you know, I can't, I got to give them a little bit of credit.

If there was going to be a Sleyshi building of a city, this is what it would look like. That's true. If you were going to make a Sleeneh city, you probably would have. shit like this. Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't be purely shit like this, but it would have shit like this. It would day. Yeah, absolutely. Something, something, something writers use some text again.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is the book for that. So they land and they try to blend in with the people on the planet, literally saying stuff like, yeah, I hate the emperor in order to get on everyone's good side. And the impact of the planet starts, you know, really cranking things up for the crew. Oh, God, I'm sorry, Bricky, but I'm afraid this is also... So soon? Already? Oh, yeah. Oh, I told you.

I warned you. Let's go. At that moment, Jacques felt a powerful urge to divest himself of his armor and grapple with Melinda. Which one's Melindi? That's the... The assassin who can only be Gene Steeler. Oh, good. If he should but demonstrate his boast before this audience of monsters, why they would let him pass.

They would tell him everything he yearned to know. The malign insinuation blasphemed against all that he had felt was precious in their lovemaking on the ship. He was under, sorry. They fucked on the ship when she wasn't a gene stealer. That's important to note. Oh, wow. What a weak-willed man. He was under psychic attack of a lascivious.

And perfidious kind, so was Melindi. She hissed and clutched a claw to her midrift. Steelers did not possess reproductive organs other than their tongue that kissed eggs into victims. Yet now a pouch was forming below Melindy's belly as if to receive Chuck. Yikes. Ian. Ian. Ian, are you okay?

Are you all right, Ian? I mean, God damn. Like, ah. Oh, someone has a lot of pent-up sexual frustration that they are using this book to just, you know, unload as it were. Every now and again, telling someone to touch grass is the morally correct thing to do, right? Like, it just is. I love that after that quote, Kiraath is like, brother, touch grass. Yeah, but it's like, it all compounds, doesn't it?

It's like, it starts out bad and then it gets weird. and then it like starts viewing towards bad again and it's take a walk fresh air it does wonders it's brilliant at least open a window jeez oh put a goddamn winter let the let the stand out from your one-handed writing session um so they need to get out of there fast and they believe that since the taro brought them there it means that the folks know about what the hydra is fortunately they find a very very very very big demon they can ask by the name of Queen Melagnia.

Oh. Wow. That, okay, yeah, that's Queen Melagnia. That is, yeah, there's, there's no Slay Queen. Yes. And, uh, D.K.

It's your turn. Oh, for God's sakes. Really? You know it. Rows of tattooed breasts circled her enormous trunk and belly. Through each nipple a brass ring, coiling in and out amongst all those glistening, oily bosoms.

Squeezing its way between was a long, thin, purple snake. Its origin, seemingly, the woman's navel. A birth cord grown to hosepipe length. It bound her around like a rope, creasing and squeezing so that the flesh flowed forth. The snake's flat venomous head wavered hypnotically alongside her cheek caressing it. The fat woman's face was bovine,

with big oozy nostrils, large liquid eyes, floppy lips in a jaw that seemed to chew cud, ruminating placidly. Her snake, her other self, did not seem so placid. At times, Jacques perceived, the woman's snake participated too,

entering her by one orifice or another, completing the, the circuit. The giant woman gathered herself again, her head turning in a different direction. Bowl, where are you, bowl? I wish to be hung up by a hundred rings, then by 50 less, then by 20 less. All right. How many more quotes you got, Kyria? Huh? How many more of these? There's loads. There's absolutely loads. The only problem I'm having is that I wasn't anticipating you. you like entering into the quotes with such like gusto. Yeah.

You got to do what you got to do, right? If I got to read these damn quotes, I'm going to read these damn quotes. It's somehow making it like more uncomfortable than when I was just reading it by myself, which I didn't think was possible. But this, the demon, queen of malagnia, is not budging. So they decide to interrogate her in a very specific way to get. the details of the hydra out of it. I'm going to split this into two because it's quite long.

So, uh, Brickie. Man, another one? You just want to go right? How many times do I have to tell you? There's loads of these. There's loads of them, all right? Oh God. Little Grimm stepped forward.

He jiggled some of Queen Melagnia's brass rings. Sorry, uh, forced to have it. Um, those that he could reach. Each ring was in size with a miniature scenes of depravity. From a tool kit, he produced a small pair of shears and held them to Queam's line of sight. Since Grimm's earlier taunt had been aimed intelligently at unsettling the woman,

Jack let him proceed. Listen, you freak, said the squat. I'm going to steal all your stupid rings from my souvenir collection. He snipped and withdrew one ring from a nipple, gently, not tugging. Queen gasped. It was as though Grim had pulled a plug.

The breast deflated, disappearing. The teat became a mere blemish, which quickly fade him. Warped stuffing. is booking out her body, the squat exclaimed. She's like a hydra herself. Each ring is a seal. Here goes number two.

He's just pulling out nipple rings and she's just deflating. All right. Sick. That's so cool. Wow. Here's the second bit of you. Let's see. He snipped and slid the severed ring free.

Another breast collapsed. Queen whimpered. Jack doubted. Grimm's mechanistic explanation. The small man had little instinct for the workings of arcane thomiturgy. Grim stood up on a tiptoe and smirked into Queen's great face. Huh, we'll soon have you trimmed down to size. You'll fit on board our ship.

Leave my lovely rings alone, beg Queen. I'll tell you anything. I don't wish to hear anything, snarled Jack. I wish to hear quite specifically Grim cut off ten rings. Snip, snip, no, snip, no, snip, please stop it, snip. I love that please stop it after the extremely, like, no, no, please stop. You think it would go the other way where it would stop with please stop it and then digress into just like, no. Yeah.

Gross. Oh, dear. So, there's a problem with this, though. Yeah? Yeah. Tell me more. Tell me more. No, yeah, I haven't told me.

Yeah, which part? specifically the problem with the approach they've taken is that the Harlequin Man suddenly shows up and just kills her So that, you know, all of that was for nothing After all that? Yep. After after we have dedicated ourselves to deflating her boobs by removing her nipple rings, we just... Really?

That's the resolution? And also that she was killed by Harlequin Man, which is, remind me the name? Oh, I've got Carnelian Zephrin, Carnedian Yes, yes, of course, of course How could I ever forget?

Jesus Christ Ian finished so he didn't care for the same. Jesus. All right, well, what happens next? Harlequin Man shows up, Merks are telling them

they made a huge mistake and they should leave. So they do. They sure did. We sure did. Jack is fully convinced that this is not the will of the emperor after all. Shocking you. So who better to consult than the emperor himself?

All right. Okay. It's so great if you're just like, Biggie, I need to tell you about what we just did. Do you think it was the right thing? proceeds to tell Biggie about the nipple. Oh, D.K. D.K. You're going to be actually. upset at how correct you are.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God, damn. That was a joke, Kerry. Not to Ian. Not to Ian. They make their way covertly. Oh, sorry, sorry. They sneak, Jack and the crew.

They sneak onto a black ship, which protects them from being followed psychically by Cornelian. They then make their way covertly and violently through the Imperial Palace, having been transported to Earth. Wait, they sneak onto a black ship. They sneak onto a black ship. And then they covertly make their way through the Imperial Palace.

As you do. As you do. As you do. And I don't know. I'm just going to blast through and then sit back. And when they reach the eternity gate, the emperor speaks to Jacques directly. Wow. Big deal, huh?

that's uh wow jack really really happy with all that cal this assassin banging you're doing good shit bro takes takes hit of vape I'm imagining him like satan in that one episode of smiling friends I just

can you just imagine biggie just peering into Jack's mind seeing everything he's being up to me like yeah good work like really really It's not Again, you haven't just nailed it But you've slightly made it a little bit better Because

The emperor feasts on Jacques's memories And says to Jack's memories That he may or may not have memories of the Hydra And that his goodness was cast into the war Prior to his being put on the throne So tough shit, I'm not telling you anything. Thanks for coming. Oh. Oh Well, that's...

about how I expect him to say to say that I might know it I might know where he is I might not know it I may have experience, I might not either way, um, fuck off don't ever come back cool. What a journey

what a very sensible thing to put in the book and hugely helpful for the plot uh for the camber kind of dick it turns out not Not a nice guy, or at least not a nice guy to the bloke who has been really like going after the Calladus assassin that can only turn into a tyrannid. Maybe that was a contributing factor. We don't know.

But either way, he basically just says, I may or may not know what you're talking about. Now you can leave. So good times all round for Jacques and the crew. And they leave because what else are they going to do? Now is the book ends. That was a holy pointless endeavor. sneaking into literally the imperial palace. One of the most dangerous places to sneak into, all for a...

Yes. Nothing. Yes. All for the emperor himself to say, I ain't telling you shit, and then for them to leave again. Yes. That's pretty much that. Maybe you should stick to writing questionable borderline pornography, because the actual plots aren't great either.

But at least there's enthusiasm. behind the rest of it, you know. So remind, okay, I just, I, I want, I need someone to do some real research on this one. I might get possum for it because he hasn't suffered enough. I, I'm very curious about the original foundation of the anthropomorphic animal fuckers community or the original start of the furry movement back in like, I think, the late 70s, early 80s. back when... You're going to ask if Ian Watson's a furry? I would just like to know

if he had a real interest in some kind of anthropomorphize characters and if I can see him in like the background of old meetups in that era kind of like a slender man photo. I'm just curious if maybe there was a... Like maybe correlation does not equal causation

but I just want to know if there's anyone suspiciously, Ian Watson. and looking in the background of that. I think the funniest part was like after everything we've heard, you're like, yeah, possum still hasn't suffered enough. Like, I was,

I'm giving him easy things like, like research on, on AI usage in our creators. I got to, I got to hurt him. He needs to learn what it's like. Jesus. Hey,

possum, I think you're great. I think you're doing a bad job. Bricky wants your eyes to suffer. God damn. All right, Kariot, let's move this thing along. Harsh on Possum. So as this book ends, we cut to the Libus Secretorum, Libus Secretorum.

The master librarian confirms to a secretive inquisitor asking about the text that the book was delivered after Draco was deemed a renegade. The order of exterminators on Stalingvas branded Draco as a traitor. The master also confirms the existence of the rest of Draco's retinue, except Grim, because that's a very common squat name, and the librarian then notes that the Inquisitor asking the questions, has a very interesting tattoo and wishes to see it. The Inquisitor removes his hood, revealing that he was Carnelian all along,

and he killed the librarian in cold blood, stating that the Inquisition War has begun. Ah. Okay. Sure, man. Why not? Yeah. Begun the Clone Wars have.

Yeah, very much so. So we're going to move on to. to Harlequin now. And this Inquisitor war is a nasty one, and it's a secret one. We get a quick update on Jacques's old boss, Bal Ferenzi. He was mind-scrubed to the point of infancy because someone had to take the fall for Draco's actions on Stalin vass. But good news, he became an inquisitor again with no memory of his past.

You can mine scrubbed to infancy? Yeah, he's just a very immature, like, mentally eight-year-old inquisitor. How the fuck? How the fuck is he an inquisitor? again. Yeah. He studied real hard after getting mine scrubbed to infancy and just, you know, worked his way back up to, you know, being an inquisitor, I guess. No one said he was a good inquisitor. They just said he was an inquisitor. Oh my God, shy, you beat me to it. I was just about to say, is he doing like fur baby stuff also? Is he, is he interested in the diaper stuff? Because he got infancy inquisitor to? is this the same guy that shit himself, Kyrioth? It's not the astropos.

Damn it. It's the astropath. Damn it. Okay, never mind. My theory is ruined. If the guy revered infancy was the same guy who shit himself, I'm a warning lights would have come on again. The warning lights are still going off, but at least now they're not connected, I guess.

Yeah. We're a different. We're a different deaf card. Yeah. So the main thing to know is the fall. following, there is a project that focused on the destruction of immortal humans, and the book is significant to that. And there's another faction within the Inquisitors working and hunting down other Inquisitors. It sounds confusing because it is, but we will clear it up.

Oh, this is also 100 years after the event of the first book, as if it wasn't complicated enough, because Jacques Melindi and Google Chromebook, the Astrophath, fed the palace successfully and reboarded the Tormentum Malorum and went into cryosleep and let the ship drift for a period of time. However, as they escaped, Grim was left behind. Oh well. The three crewmates wake upon the ship, and Draco immediately consults the Emperor's Tarot again, which guides him to a nearby planet known as Luxus Prime.

They're all doing great, except Google. Google had a lot of very detailed and explicit dreams of Slishy the Demonet, who is someone they encountered on the Slaneshi planet. You said Slishy, not Slaneshi, right? I said Slishy. That's the name of the demonet. The demonet's called Slishy.

All right, sure. I don't have the energy. He's also a bit more, he's also a bit more gross at this point. Like, this is a direct quote from Possum. This is not me saying this. Straight up jorking his peanuts mentally in the navigator chair. Nice, Possum. I don't know.

If you said that was part of the book, I'd also still believe you. It's where the mean came from back in the 90s. Ian Watson wrote this book where, you know, the astropath was straight up jorking his peanuts. Yeah. All right, sure, whatever. I feel like anyone reading these books at the time probably, but got to a certain point, it went, yeah, sure.

Yeah, all right, okay. Oh, speaking of which, Bricky, here's something for you. Oh, God. The Navigator's lips parted in a crazy grin and blood flowed. I made a little mistake, he said. In a final moment of dread, I thought about, I thought about what I would least wish to think about perpetually. For a moment, I thought about Queen Melagnia.

That chaos-blooded monstrosity of sick sensuality, she, with all the tattooed, oily breasts, each with a brass ring through its teat on the chaos planet where the Hydra may or may not have been devised. I thought of Queen Melagnia giving birth to Slishy. To that hideous, lovely mutant woman, her body so white and petite in its leotard of chain-mail, adorn with huffs of gauze and rosettes, her hair so blonde and bountiful, her face so sinuous, a veritable demonet of Slanesh, chaos god of pleasure, chaos god of torment.

Slishy, with pincers of chitin for hands, with ostrich claws for feet, and with a razor-edged tail sprouting from her volumptuous rump. Slishy, who Melindi had killed and who, died warbling delightly, Melindy's breath hissed from her. God, because you've named it anything besides Slishy? Slushy. Such a bad name.

Why slurry. Queen's a molania and slushy. What really got me when I read it for the first time was puffs of gauze and rosettes. Now, I don't know, I'm not sure what a rosette is in the US. I don't know whether Ian Watson... No, Ian Watson's British. Rosette, that's what you get at the end of a race. You get the first, second and third place rosette.

Like, it's like a little... Not a medal, but usually it's like fabric, and it's got a number on it. At least that's what I've always understood a rosette to be. So as soon as I read, a leotard of chain mail, firstly incredibly specific, a leotard. But then puffs of rosettes just makes me think

that she's come, like, third. in a lot of races. Well, isn't there the inquisitorial rosette, though, like the symbol? I think there is. I just, I'd never encountered the word outside of, like, sports day at school where if you, if you place top three, you get a rosette with a number on it. And so that is all my, all my, like, brain can attribute that. The inquisitorial rosette, that's the thing they tend to wear.

And it's like what they flash, it's almost like a badge. and they're like, I'm part of the position. You're like, oh, my God. Also, it's also, it's a magic card. Oh, is it really? Is it? Yeah. Yeah.

Whatever equipped creature attacks create a two, two white Astardis warrior creature token with vigilance that's attacking. Then attacking creatures game menace till the end of the turn. It's just, I don't know. I feel like the rosette is actually like the shape of the ribbon. Because if you Google it, you also get like these rosette cookies and stuff that are kind of like florally shaped. So I think it's probably.

probably just like that sort of like rose floral shape rather than it's probably most common in like ribbons and stuff but I would imagine it's just sort of that sort of like rose bloom um yeah shape yeah still feels like a weird shape to be all over a demonette I mean I it's fine shapes around like a demonet like a sexy demonet of Slenash seems ah I feel like it fits I've had Are you assuming she's sexy? Oh no, wait. What book are we reading? I mean... Oh, so to be fair. There's... Oh dear, the demonette thing gets so much worse.

So at this point, Jacques realizes that he needs a new GPS because this one's been ruined by a sex demon, so they have a more covert reason to go to Luxus Prime to find a new astropath. Now, when they get there, the local governor, Lagonst, is a bit of a poe of as well. Obviously, everyone in this book is

doesn't need to be said. They're in the midst of a Slaneshi cult uprising, and there's bad news. The cultists have killed all the astropaths and navigators on the planet so as to keep this uprising secret. However, the governor has both a navigator and an astropath, and Jack and the gang decide to put an end to the uprising so they can add those two people to their retinue. But Google just keeps thinking about that Slishie. So much so that Slishy is literally manifested by him. There you go, D.K. Oh, man.

Even as Jacques leveled his force rod, the demonette parted her legs. A barb tail slid through the gap. The barb jerked upward, impaling Google. Vitale rose on tiptoes as the razor thrust penetrated deep within his bowel. In a delirium of agony and rapture, Vitaly screamed, Slushy! As Jacques's horse rod discharged. energies choruscated around the demonet.

Aurora's outlined her as if to highlight that she belonged not in this died court, but elsewhere entirely, right outside of the world, outside of the universe. She shrieked shrilly. Her soprano outcry might have been one of exaltation and glee. This sucks, man. Yeah. So Google's dead. We've killed Google. Google's been impaled.

This is an insane sentence. Google manifested slishy and slishy impaled Google. Yep. Let's move on. As they're in the midst of fighting, a bunch of squats show up on trikes. And who is that at the lead? It's Grimm, obviously. Weird coincidence, which Jacques also agrees with us, so that's a weird coincidence.

And Grim essentially talks about how he had a full life of the last 100 years. He had a wife, kids. He also says it's not actually a happy coincidence. This planet was close to where he assumed the tormentor malorum was hanging out, and guess that if Jack was to wake up, he'd show up here. Love a reunion, absolutely love it. Speaking of, if they go back to the governor's office and reunite with the governor to claim their prize, all will be well.

But the governor has decided to start being an asshole. Fortunately, Jacques now has a talking gun, and he uses it to kill the governor so they can take the astropath named Phoenix and the navigator Azul Petrov with them. The astrophs through all the miscalls from the like last hundred years or whatever and figures out three key things. One, there's a big civil war happening within the Ordomalius with an unknown faction, quote unquote. His old boss, Ferensia, is leading a force to the ruins of Stalin vass, where in orbit the Eldar are doing some sort of ritual.

That was number two. I just forgot to say it at the start. And number three, the person who stunted Melinda's ability to transform into anything besides sexy gene stealer, renegade master of assassins, Tarrick Zizz, is operating on a nearby planet. Also, again, excellent candidate for, I mean, it's not the first bit. Tarik, perfectly acceptable, but Ziz, I'm not having that. Yeah, Ziz is a little strange, but, you know, Tarrick is fine. I'll give that one a pass.

So, they devise a plan. They go to the planet Tarvish, get Tarik to undo the sexy gene-stealer shenanigans, have Melinda transform into a sexy Eldar, and then infiltrate the Eldar stuff above Stalin vast. And as they devise this plan, they realize that Grim is missing. And so is all of Jacques's truth serum. Oh no. Damn?

You mean like the truth serum that like Inquisitors use to give people to talk about stuff? Yeah, yeah, Grimm's taking it all. Betrayal. Dail is in the wings. The investment is hot. He conveniently knew exactly where he'd wake up, eh? Yeah. Who'd thought there'd be shenanigans around that?

He just math that out, yeah. Obviously, Malini and Jacques are suspicious of their old friend and they decide to interrogate him once they find him. He folds immediately and then just data dumps all over them. So this is their... Possum says, Christ, let's see if I can do this quick. If you have any questions about the following, no, you don't.

All right, well, I guess we don't have any questions. Go ahead. Grimm states that he became friendly with Zepro Cornelian, and Zepro is a member of the Illuminati. The Illuminati are inquisitors who have been possessed by demons and managed to overcome their possessions on their own. This makes them immune to the powers of the warp. Cornelian was assisted by the Harlequins in order to get through the possession, and this is how he joined the ranks of the Illuminati. The Illuminati are more enlightened and they are on good terms with the Eldar because they have the same goal of defeating chaos. However, some of these Luminati became a bit tired by how long this was taking and the auto hydra was formed due to this. Because of their warp immunity, the members of the autohydra were able to manifest the hydro from the warp without it impacting them.

Cornelian is playing both sides and is in cahoots with the Eldar, so he sent Grim to Luxus Prime to monitor the cult activity because the Eldar hates Slemash and because he was hopeful that Shaq would return and he is a big key in this whole thing. Oh, and the Autohydra are attempting to hunt down the sons of the emperor, the Sanse, and gather them all together so that they can cause the emperor to be reborn. Easy. Simply. Any questions? A few. Apparently not. Possum says no, so we're going to move on.

Thanks, possum. Okay. Get back to looking at fur baby things. So Star Child stuff And shenanigans Came from back here It kind of looks like it doesn't it? It does.

Which Yeah Yeah Weirdly And I'm not really sure how this happens Outside of how rough this series of books are Believe it or not Jacques believes this

and assumes that if this is the stuff being freely told, then maybe what isn't known is worse. So they let Grim go and decide to go and hunt down Tariq Ziz instead. Why an Inquisitor would do that? I don't know, but there you go. They devise a relatively crazy plot to kill Tariq Ziz, and they plan on ambushing him to do so. Upon finding him, though, there's one big problem.

And it's a problem on multiple levels, given what we know now. Tariq Ziz is encased in Dreadnought armour. Oh. Oh. Not typically something that even, you know, augmented humans get to pilot, but he's in there. And he's having a wail of a time. He's pretty relaxed even. He actually says he's willing to just reverse the augment on Melinda himself.

No crazy plot needed. They don't need to, you know, ambush him. Um, so as you do, he performs a surgical procedure on Melindi while in the Dreadnought armor. Why not, dude? Just, why not? I, all right. I mean, at this point, at this point, sure, that works. Of course it does.

I didn't even realize humans augmented or not could be in dreadnots, but. I don't think they can. They can't, but this is, you know, the time. This was 1994. The times were different back then. Everything was super horny, and you could write what you like. So he's into dreadnought arm. He's also capable of performing detailed surgery, apparently.

With dreadnought chunk hands. How big is the scalpel he's holding? My storm bolter is getting in the way. Hang on. Jesus Christ. So Melindi gets a Batman sticker, a card to show up again in a year for another checkup, and she can now turn into a sexy Eldar. Hell yeah.

We cut back to Inquisitor Forenzi, and now's the time to introduce another important character. Imperial fist captain, Lexandro, De Archibus. Yeah? I mean, an Archibus is a type of gun. Oh, that's De Archibus, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is, it's just De Archibus, but that's a uncomfortable. series. Yeah, that is

unfortunate. I was like, ah, the new name Zendranian Varklusticon. Yeah, this is just the second name of the Admec rifle. Yeah.

Yeah. The Ziam Musketeer. Yeah. And it's Sergeant Jeremy AK-47. So, So, Ferenzi is hell-bent on fucking up the Eldar's day above Stalin vass because he ultimately hopes to raid the Black Library itself. The presence of the Eldar is akin to an orbital community

at this point and the Inquisitorial and fist forces start to attack it. Jack and his crew arrive in the middle of all of this and they think this is actually kind of great. They're busy fighting one another, maybe they can sneak in and do something Webway related. However, they are swiftly captured by the Harlequin Man and his Eldar buddies. Deferro appreciates the initiative that Jack has, but if Jack is to work for him, he has to be a member of the Illuminati too. So he plans on having Jack possessed right then and there so he can be cleansed. Honestly, there's so much going on in these books, and none of it feels particularly well thought out. We learn that the Harlequin Man's past involved being on a planet that was torn apart by chaos,

but he was saved by Eldrad Ulthra himself and some striking scorpions. And that he is, how? How is he getting a name dropped in this? You know what? Eldrad randomly being a background part of something has been around for 40 years apparently. That's cool. Good for him. Yeah.

Hell yeah. All over the shop. He shows up everywhere. So Harlequin Man is allowed to wear Harlequin stuff because apparently he just is. It's just not that important. But it is interesting to see Eldra. show up all the way back into the early books. Also, we do get a visual of a striking scorpion

getting attacked by a demonet. I think. I think this is you, Bricky. A striking scorpion was ensnared from two directions and pulled from his feet. As he fell, a demonet fastened a claw upon the scorpion's armored wrist, grinding and wrenching. Another demonet turned tail,

exposing luscious, tattooed buttocks, bulging from a chain mail leotar. She back kicked at the fallen warrior's groin, ripping armor loose. She drove the fang of her tail into the gap. The warrior convulsed, firing discs at the sullied sky, his mandibles spitting needles in vain.

I was going to say at the start of that, I was like, wow, there's no mention of butt stuff, or there's no mention of genitals or anything. And then it was like, oh, no, there it is. This is literally, this is literally the sheep. breasted boobily down the stairs. It really is. It really is. This is exactly what

they are talking about when they make that joke. Yeah. You breasted boobily down. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. And oh God, I've just seen what the next quote is. So there's a whole plan here. Shove a demon into

Jack. But this is kind of short-lived as Lexandro musketeer and the crew crash in along with Forenzi there's a bit of a standoff

and Lexandro he sees through the propaganda from Forenzi Jacques seems to be a bit more stable and sane than he was told and Forensie looks like a nutter to keep it simple

Forensy is real racist against the Eldar to a point where even Lex is like you need to chill out that implies that the Eldar people

oh God I was going to say, you're talking to Bricky here, bro. So Lex has had an okay experience with the elder in the past, so he's not quite, somehow the Space Marine is not quite on the same level of, you know, pure hatred as the Inquisitor. And so he decides, I'm going to work with Jack. I'm not going to work with this frenzy, idiot. This begins a very long intertwining of interactions between Lex and Grimm, the Squat, who is back and just in with the crew again, despite being a literal traitor, but we don't have time.

So all of the interactions are exceptionally awkward and weird, including but not limited to Grim, straight up asking how big Lex's dick is. And if you don't believe that that's a thing that happened... No, no, no, no, no, don't quote. I'm not... Oh, damn it. Huh. I've hung around with the starties before, but I've never had to... a chance to find out what's under the groin hauberk, never shared

vibro showers with our potent warriors. If you don't mind me asking, are you modified in what one might call the genial part? One hears talk of gene seeds, that's a sacred matter, growled Lex. Those are in our progenoid glands.

He slapped his check in chest and neck here and here. you do have a lot of extra organs I was wondering if any regular organs got deleted to make space kill a marine and find out snapped Lex yeah

penis totally sane interaction I apologize Brickie for trying to get you to read that one as well I've lost track yeah yeah you did you did try to put me in that that one but luckily I survived with the chain mail buttocks thank God yeah he did it's all right that's

Saved by the chain mail box, yeah. That's literally one more paragraph of me, and then there's another quote. So, yeah, hell yeah, I'm saying, hell yeah, Ian. He's out here making, making Yowie at the same time as everything else. Good on him. Real progressive in the early 90s, proud of that, man. Absolutely thriving. Jesus.

So things become, like, messy and stupid from this point on, even more so than they were before, obviously. but before they enter the webway, their astropath phoenix is wiped out by an Eldar shuriken while in the webway navigator Azul Petrov receives a vision from Phoenix that's from the past where he predicted his own death. Oh, for God's sake. He informs Azul that there's a map on an Eldar run that needs to be etched carefully upon the third eye of Azul by Alexandro. Because sure, why not?

Whatever. As they travel through the webway, they are hunted and harassed not only by harlequins and other Eldar, but also howling banshees and Lord James are. Wow. Let's keep chucking stuff at the wall, see what sticks. I'm sure a plot will come out of it eventually. Among their travels, they end up on Craft World Ulthway.

And we get a very beautiful description of the Craft World. There is completely sane pacing here, and Possum really wants to emphasize that what Brickie is going to read here is not edited. This is straight out of the book. Okay. Oh, it's so long. To Jacques's eye, this craft world is, in its entirety, might be no more ravaged or solely than a great number of human worlds which plagues of people had ransacked and poisoned in the sheer process of exploiting resources.

To the Eldar, no doubt, the ugliness in the immediate vicinity was hateful. A warren of human beings could easily have inhabited rat-like this war-torn wasteland. When he heaved a sigh, was it from pain in his lung or in his soul? Grimm urinated to the opening helmet of a chaos marine. Sizzling softly, the webs became gingerly mat clinging to horrid contours above that gaping metal fanged jaw. From one of his pouches, Grim produced a bar of marzipan and began to gobble. Lex snapped his... A bar of marzip. Is he just a bar?

Lex snap his visor shut to scan data and diagnostic icons. When he opened it again, he announced, my waste storage unit may be malfunctioning somewhat. He murmured a prayer to Rogal Dorn. Grim cocked his head. Does that mean that your mighty metal legs will start to fill with muck? Lex's gauntlet lashed out. He stayed the blow before it can pulverize Grimm's face. I can recycle and detox my own waste for two days, ab-humum. This suit is ancient, he declared. Reverently repaired.

His growing hauberk had visibly been renovated with a damassined silver engraving of a potent warrior firing a storm bolter. Once again, I know writers. It's just, it's so stupid. Oh, dear. The dwarf really do just be like. like, hey, space room, what about your cock and your shit thoughts? And while he like starts pissing in a helmet and then it's a bar of marzipan. Yeah, just out here eating bars of just straight marzipan.

That really got one of the first ready. I was like, a bar of marzipan. Is it the same thing? Because if it is, A, where'd you buy that? And B, why is that your go-to ration? Like, what is happening? Oh, yeah. I was hungry.

A bag of sugar. What? Yeah, it's just, it's so weird. That's so weird. Like if you were just like, oh, yeah, he took out a ration bar or something, just a generic ass ration bar. It's like, oh, okay, fine, whatever. I mean, I'm imagining.

Yeah, Marsapan bars and stuff like that. I just like, I'm imagining it being straight Marzapan. Me too. I think he just brought in a big roll of Marsapen. It was like, ah, yeah, yeah, I was, I'm not thinking of it. It's like, ah, it's a classic marzipan cover. in chocolate. I'm thinking he's like eating straight.

Blat alibi. Yeah. Oh, God. Okay. Look, we've still got a couple of pages. So I'm going to, I'm going to cliff notes a couple of things here, okay? Because there's some, there's some stuff I want you to get to, but we're going to have to skip over a few things to be able to get to them. So effectively, Melinda is still posing as an elder and Lex is left without any other imperial fists.

So he's basically in the retina. you at that point. And things go horribly wrong. They discover that actually the Illuminati were just going to sacrifice the sensei so that Cheggarat can be in control of the newly reborn emperor, which obviously is not what an inquisitor should want. And instead, you know, the Eldar, the Harlequin Man, they were done with trying to rebuild the empire. They just wanted to work with the renegades to destroy everything, because in the end that means they still win somehow. So they want to go to the Black Library. steal books to prevent all sides from doing anything because everyone sucks.

During all of this, Jane Zah has one parting gift for Melinda, which is a stab on a death. So Melinda gets wasted. Jane Zarr sticks her death lance right upper, and Jacques is absolutely distra and makes it his mission to undo the hell of the Ordo Hydra and the Illuminati, whilst also becoming determined to reverse time itself so he can bring Melinda back to life. Turns out he absolutely loved having a sexy jeans dealer around.

He wants her back. At this point the remaining crew is just Jacques Grim and Lexandro. Petrov looks at some of the books, goes to take his covering off his third eye, and Lex just blows his head off. So they take his eye out of his shattered skull and

go on their way. Now at this point, as you do, as you do, yep, Lex is having none of it. They are now in the next book. We're in Chaos Child. And they have to use the gemstones on the cover of the book they nicked so they can seek passage out of the planet that they've ended up on and head to the next viable world.

But this whole time the Harlequin Man is harassing them in his mind's eye and sending him haunted visions. Now you might be asking yourself, Kiriath, you poor bastard, did the Harlequin Man give Jacques Draco a detailed description of a Noise Marine's bell end? Well, fair listener, he sure does. Oh, no. Put this in here.

God damn it. This is me, isn't it? All right. The Saneshi Chaos Marine had certainly used hallucinogenic grenades, as well as bolt guns and melty guns and terrible chainshors and heavier weaponry, too. Were hallucinogens intensifying the already appalling sight

and the implacable cruel touch of pastel-hued armor exquisitely demassined with debauchery upon the breastplates in the shoulders. Was that which was already monstrous being multiplied far beyond the brink of sanity? A few tormentors had shed items of armor, exposing grotesquely mutated, rampant groins, their organs of pleasure bifurcated and more, with squinting eyes sprouting from them and with drooling lips? Others had no need to shed armor. Chaos Spawn had materialized.

Wolf-sized creatures with legs of spiders and bodies of imps with questing tentacles and phallic tubes. Jacques himself almost believed that he was hallucinating. A snake-like umbilical cord connected these spawn to the swollen groin guards of their master, who stood back roaring and whinnying with delight, as they guided the spawn in the rapid, of their captives, soaking up the sensation of these roving external members.

Golly, what the fuck? Look, what the hell did I just read, Keri? Ian has a very vivid imagination, and he wants to share that. The hell did I just read! Possum, I'm going to need you to go back to what I asked. Please see Hour 1 of this episode. He has not suffered enough. Okay, so following this,

Jesus Christ, how'd you even follow that? They end up on a world called Sabulorb. Again, I'm not making that up. It's what it's called. It's not my fault. Leave me alone. And we're going to, again, do a little bit of cliff notage here. Effectively, they get to this planet.

They make a base of operations in some sort of mansion, and they're in there, planning out. A thief named Raquel breaks into Robert, but she's spotted and captured, and somehow she looks remarkably like Melinda, at least to Jack. At this point, it gets really weird because Jacques gives her a drug that, if she doesn't continue taking it, she will collapse,

and he's the only one with the drug, and the trade-off for this is that she is basically being forced to become Melindi because we didn't have enough yikes already in this episode. Skin crawling. It's rough. It's bad.

It's flat out bad. Check this out though. They do capture a harlequin death jester. And they also have it tied up in the basement. Of course they do. Cool, right? They become very curious as to how the harlequin showed up and they want the details so they can exploit it.

but also to find a place in the webway where they can properly reverse time. Because the webway can do that, which is impressive. And the death jester, to his credit, caves almost immediately. But they don't get the information they need because they get interrupted by the thousand sons. Because of course they do. Because Magnus the Red caught wind that some dickhead broke into the Black Library and managed to steal a book, and he wants the book that was stolen. so the thousand sons show up to covertly capture them.

Well-known stealth operatives, the thousand sons there. Now, they all managed to hide except Lexandro, and so the Thousand Suns take Lexandro to send him into a chaos space marine. Here you go, Bricky. During stages in Lexus Mavishia as a future space marium, he had been initiated dauntingly enough by a feast of foul excremental, unfood, and by other formidable ceremonies. The forced right of initiation,

which took place like a ravagement within that chaos vessel, was excreable and almost unspeakable. How could Lex obliterate the memory, the kiss of corruption, the communion with chaos, the prayer of perfidy, the spells and the invocations, and all the while he was experiencing

the slither of tendrils within his spinal sockets. These invaded his nervous system, generating nauseating visions of the fragility of the fragility of the cosmos, of the feebleness of reality which demonic fingers sought to unplug and re-knit with such vile success. Lex in torments saw the whole cosmos burst

forth from a mere bubble in the energy warp. A sparrow's fart the universe was, that fart inflated suddenly. I was like, you know, that first part is a little weird, but like, and then the last part hit and I was like, all right, yep, we're back. We're

so back. Yeah, yeah. A sparrow's far. sure. And that's far inflated, brother. Oh, it inflated. It's... Oh, Ian. Come on, Matt. He's a Sonic fan too. They're proud of this. They're proud of their work. They decide to test the new Chaos Lex out to see if you can kill everyone and get the book back. Chaos Lex makes his way to the manor, and Draco decides to hide in some dead CSM armor.

However, the armor changes its shape and sort of conforms to a vision in Jack's mind or something. So now he looks like a chaos space marine and a fight breaks out. And Jacques manages to remove the demon that was possessing Lex and takes it upon himself. The demon is then purge, maybe, from Draco. And so he becomes a certified member of the Illuminati. Plans within plans or something. Oh, Jesus. Then the Arbites show up because there's a lot of noise.

But then the Thousand Suns fight back. But then they get the Eldar showing up so things get wood. and then the Imperial Guard show up because there's thousands of unders and Eldar there, at which point Jack and the crew decide to piss off. They take a few pages from the book and they leave the rest behind. They then take a land train to find a potential webway entry. At this point, the city they're in is wiped out by an unusual firestorm because the planet seems to be getting really, really hot.

The sun is heating the surface up and it's got some appellate. apocalyptic implications. They eventually make it far enough out and they start to bounce through the webway. Eventually, they do get to the place that Jacques wanted to go. This place was serve as proper ground so that he could stage his ritual. And this ritual was to essentially forcibly reincarnate Melinda into the body of Raquel. Bad. Yikes and bad. Also, Raquel is perfectly okay with this. After the horrors she experienced in a short amount of time, she figured that this fate was preferable. So we're doubling down on the yikes. We're going two yikes for the price of one. What the fuck? And because we needed to triple stack our yikes for this particular

plot point, it works. So Raquel is gone. Melinda is back in this poor woman's body. But the last thing that she remembered was being killed at the hands of a phoenix lord. So her snapping back to reality is her snapping back immediately in the fray. She beats the ever-loving fuck out of all of them, including Jacques. And as Jacques tries to chill her out, she uses her digital flamer to incinerate his hand before fleeing into the webway to do God knows what. Now, Jack is a bit upset about this. It's devastated even. He sits down, realizing his mission was for naught and he doesn't know what to do. except he has a good idea. He decides to see if he can tempt the demon that he believed he purged back into his mind

because he knew what the now once again loyal Lex would do if that was to happen. You know what? Would you like me to take pity on you and I shall read this final quote? No. Is that because it's Bricky's turn? Yes, yes, yes, yes, because it's Brickie's turn. It is D.K.'s turn. It is D.K.'s turn.

Yeah. I don't think you should take pity on us at all, actually. Okay. Yeah. There you go. May the puny human emperor shrivel. May the light of your primar'd wink out like a candle. Glory to Zinz.

She-Hamsan Sunoy! Good effort. 10 out of 10. Jacques was evoking the greater demons of Zinch. In their own language, he must have become possessed anew. Jacques bared his teeth in a beaschum. snarl. This time demonry owned him utterly,

so it seemed. Lex steadied the bolt gun with Rogaldorn's name upon his lip. Lips he fired at Jacques's head. Rark! A violent blow upon the vault of a skull might leave it intact. If the bolt had only struck a glancing blow,

a compression wave would have been transmitted around the skull to the rigid bates which might fracture. An explosion within the skull was another matter. It tore the great jigsaw pieces of the skull apart. And even though Jacques's head had not entirely disintegrated, what had been knitted together since childhood was separated now.

The frontal plate was divorced from the sundered perietal plates of the cranium and those in turn from the occipital plate at the rear. Liquefied pulp of brain had gushed out of its broken container. I mean, it was a good attempt on the... Zincian thing. I gave him my best shot. So, which is to say, Jacques is no longer attached to his head. Yeah.

Yes, the culmination of this trilogy is that Jacques brings back his deceased monster girlfriend. She runs away, and so he forces a space marine to shoot him in the forehead. Wait, is that literally how the book ends? Yeah. That's the end of the book. What? The final book?

The third book. The third book. Yeah. Jacques's dead because Lex shoots him because he gets a demon to repossess him. Grim and Lex leave. And Draco was shot so hard that his soul was trapped in the webway, forced to eternally wander with no peace. The end. That's the end of the trilogy.

So, okay. Do you want to hear the story? most insane cope I have. Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, yes, I do. I really do. So Warhammer, as a property,

exists because Games Workshop wanted the 2000 AD comic books model stuff to make miniatures. And then they either lost it or didn't re-up or whatever happened. I don't quite remember. I need to check my notes. And they were like, Okay, what if we took the villains of 280 comics and made them like the, the protagonists of this world? And it's like this funny, ironic thing. And they're all like horrendously incompetent and stupid and silly.

Because that's like the initial foundings of like the idea of the Imperium. Um, so clearly Ian Watson is just making sure that they do that properly, you know, and are making sure that they're all just really dumb and stupid and silly because it's irony, you know? Yeah, that's what I'm going with, man. Yeah. That's, that's some, that's some decent, that's some, that's some decent co. I'll give you that. There is. All according to Kekaku.

Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. there was talk of a sequel. So in 2017, Ian Watson did an interview with a 40K fan site, and he talked about finding notes for a fourth Inquisitor War book. And he said, I just looked inside my 2009 copy of the Inquisition War trilogy, and I found a piece of paper handwritten by me titled Inc.4,

which must be noticed for a possible sequel to Chaos Child. ML pregnant, says the paper, first of all. Oh, that's Melindi. I was going to say, where the pages stuck together when he... Anyway, go ahead. So, yes, ML pregnant, says the paper, first of all. That's Melindy, my assassin heroine. Was she really?

Was I affected by Ripley of Alien? No, no, now I remember. Melinda would be pregnant by Inquisitor Jacques from the time when they copulated devoutly on board the tormentoramiloram. Devoutly, what a word. The devout copiote. conveniently leaving out,

Melindi died. Melendi's soul got put in a completely different woman's body. So what the fuck are you talking about, Ian? What do you mean? Next, yes. Jacques's baby kidnapped by Tyrann. Jack, the next sentence.

Jack, the next sentence, Jack contacts the hive mind. Ah. Of course. No, no, I'm sorry. I disagree with everything being said here. I would, I would personally fund Ian Watson's fourth book. I would personally fund this project.

This, this is fantastic. I want to know. I need to know. Oh, man. Well, you heard Jack's baby was kidnapped by here. I'm in! I'm in! So after Jacques contacts the hive mind,

and next, Grim Rescues and Lex and Imperial Fists again, oh, I see the way this is going. And finally, genost equals Gnostic plus genes, and then what does this imply in brackets? So that seemed like quoting his own notes. But then, the last two lines, insane, actually insane.

No, no, I must not even think about writing this sequel, the games designer tech priests would ruin everything. His vision is too pure for Modern Games Workshop. They would take, they would take his vision and they would dilute it. The games designers would shit all over his perfect creation. You know, I can't even think about it.

I'm defending Ian Watson on this one, because he's right. His ideas are pure, much like unrefined metals and sludge. It is pure, and he is correct. They would dilute it. He's not wrong. Yeah, that's, you know, you're right. You're right.

How dare they refine it? He's not wrong. Does it mean that he's right? No. No. What a, what a journey, eh? Can we have an Ian Watson was right t-shirt? Is that a thing what you can make?

Ian Watson was right all along. I can't do that because there's too much sexual assault in his books. Oh, yeah. Absolutely not. It's real rough. It's not great. So I'll give you the last line from Parson on which we can end. Firstly, he's just,

says chill out bro then okay now it's quite literally the end no joke at all happy anniversary i'm going to stare at a wall for a week yeah no you ain't brinkie's like we have i have plans for you you get back down the mines the possum yearns for the minds get back in there you son of a bitch happy anniversary everyone ian watson was too pure for us Good Lord. Oh, it's got, yeah, of course it's Ian Watson. As I said it, I was like, who else is it going to, who else is it going to be? Who else is it going to be?

It's got to be Ian Watson. I, I hope he's had therapy. I hope he's doing okay, because the books, the books aren't, the books aren't doing okay.