Adeptus Ridiculous - The High Elves Who Carried Warhammer Fantasy (ft. PancreasNoWork)

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculous00:00 Pancreas, New poster, Lunacy11:30 High Elves Welcome back to the Realm of Ridiculous! Today, DK and Bricky are joined by the legendary PancreasNoWork to journey to the donut-island of Ulthuan and discuss the most arrogant, powerful, and utterly ridiculous High Elves in Warhammer Fantasy.Love them or hate them, the Asur have produced some of the greatest heroes in the setting. We're breaking down the legendary deeds, the massive egos, and the tragic lore of Ulthuan’s finest. From Aenarion pulling the Sword of Khaine to Alith Anar's absolute edgelord energy, who truly is the ultimate High Elf Chad?Support the show

Welcome everybody to an episode of the Realm of Ridiculous, where we talk about Warhammer, but with like sticks and stones and stuff. And joining us today on this lovely episode are D.K. Hello. I'm not hosting this time. It's not on me. Don't get mad at me if stuff's wrong. And a man who's excited about the new prescription of wellbutrin pancreas. That's me. It keeps me going every day.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I actually was going to make a joke about the diabetic, O-Zempic, but I forgot its name. Oh. Isn't that just Ozempic? Maybe. It might be just Ozempic.

I think that might just be. Well, Butrin is not Ozempic. No, that's an anti-depression medicine. I don't know how I feel like, man, I need to pull back on the sad tweets, don't I? Well, there was that, but also, you did say that that keeps you going.

So I'm glad you leaned into it, but now there's no going back. No, it is what it is. You know, that's, uh, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's been a couple years since I had a therapist. Maybe it's time to re-up that one, too. Join the brand new episode of Adeptus Ridiculous and get a pallet-sized amount of Zoloft. Woof. The amount of subscriptions we would get suddenly, if that was true. Crazy.

Also, sad tweets, man. All you tweet is like Vegeta and general grievous. I don't think your Twitter is... Come on, man. He's got you on lock on that one. I tweet plenty of other things that I will not repeat in polite company. I mean, I could if you like. Oh, boy.

Dude, I had a banger a couple days ago. Okay, all right. Let's go ahead and take a troll down Pancreus No Works Twitter. Oh, no. You'll know you've found it when you see the grave mind. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, that one is... Let's see here.

I got jamming a gas pump up my ass and filling up on diesel. Call me the Rocket Man. That's, that's okay. That's pretty good. That one wasn't very inspired. That one was not very inspired. My Schmegma child crawling out of my shower drain after the yearly killback cleaning. And it is the grave mind, in fact, from Halo 2.

Yeah, yeah, that's a saucy one. Getting necks so crazy, call it floodhead. All right. It's okay. It's okay. Let's see. You know what the best one of this so far is? It's just the two pepperonies and the cheese and it says sandwich.

You're laughing about it now. When the callback to a tweet makes you, your own tweet makes you crack up. You know it was a good one. I like my sandwiches. I like my creations. They ain't food, but they are food. See, I actually, I like this one. one right here, which is childhood is siding with the empire versus the storm cloaks because

the storm cloaks are racist against elves. And adulthood is siding with the empire against the storm cloaks because you've become racist against elves, but did the math on who would make more dead elves. Unlike the topic of today, the elder scrolls is unlimited elf hate from me. They disgust me. Right. Unlike the topic of today. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Also, I love how usually we have like witty banter about something topical that's happened in, uh, in, in 40K, uh, news. And today it's just been like, look at how much of a fucking goofball pang is. Let's read his Twitter. Well, for one, there'd have to be old world news to talk about the old worlds. I, well, okay.

News for the Warhammer fantasy. Touche. Tush. All right. How many, how often have you spoken to me? You know what I am. Yeah, okay, that's true. You know, I guess should we rock into today's episode? Should I start the Patreon shell? Or do we have more panking to do, I guess?

I got a quick question, though, Pankreas. What is Golshi squirt? Oh, do you know Golshe from Ubizabe? No, I played for an hour and then my internet cut out. Oh, I've never played or watched any of it, but big anime, lady. You know what? I, I appreciate you just like, just saying that.

Yeah. Just like, oh yeah, I don't know anything about it either, but like, you know. Yeah. And in the gift that, you know, shy has sent. She kicks you in the face and I, yeah. Wait, I thought that was gold ship. Yeah, but people just call her gold she because. Oh, well, I feel like a, I feel like a dork then.

Shortening. I'm not enough of a weeb to be into it, but I am enough of a weep to, you know. to, you know, know, no, no, no, the lingo, the slang is I'm getting older and older with every breath. Oh, okay. Same, dude. Big same. Gotcha. Gotcha.

It's, it's the kicking one. Got it. Well, anyway. We need to get into it. Yep. Oh, yeah. No, of course. I do have to play it.

I just, once I, I think I finally fixed, uh, the horribleness that Cox has been putting me through because we should, we should kill internet ISP monopolies in real life. Oh, absolutely. Oh, a billion percent. I think everybody agrees with that. Good, good. We should burn Ari Saka headquarters to the grounds. Anyway, welcome to the podcast.

If you like this podcast and you like this witty, General Grievous, elf-related banter, please check out our Patreon. At patreon.com slash adept is ridiculous. We can get access to bloopers, Discord access, and in fact an amazing amount of posters that we apparently, apparently have right now. We do. We have a new one. Oh my God. I know what it is. Check it out.

What the hell is that? That's necocrosis. Motherfucker. Hey, Shai came up with that title, by the way. It's phenomenal. I don't know if you have seen all of the chain smoker cat memes from that anime with the cat that just fucking chain smokes is addicted to it, starts doing drugs and shit, and everybody's disgusted. because why is the cute anime cat girl addicted to smoking in drugs? Just like me, for real, for real.

And yeah, so it's like the perfect poster to Nergulfy. Yeah. Have you seen that anime you asked me deliberately without a hint of irony or sarcasm? Well, I feel like chain smoker cat kind of broke containment a little bit. I have not seen the cat smoking the cigarette, no. Oh, okay. It's bad. You should look it up sometime.

It's intentionally gross, but it's still gross. Yeah. It does not grow by smoking or addiction or anything. Shai, you say a cat girl doing heroin seems like my kind of thing. That's, you would be correct, but she's not doing heroin. She's just smoking. In this later in the season. Oh, yeah, she, I think she eventually does get addicted to heroin.

This isn't a bit. Oh, okay. So this isn't, this is an intentional. a subverted trope of making a cute character fall to the devil in the bottle type thing. No, she's firmly in the bottle already. Oh, yeah.

That's the point. Okay, but like, it's, it's meant to show people that, like, this is disgusting, even though they look. Oh, 100%. It is, it is her very clearly falling into the addiction hole and living in an absolute shit hole

of a house and depression that she kind of can't get herself out of, because she's hooked on drugs. Okay, that's better. I like that more. I like it when they have like this, like, I like Requiem for a dream, for example, you know?

Yeah. Ah, yes. The happiest thing in the world, but, you know, it's... Good movie. Great film. Doesn't need a second watch, but I sure love that first viewing.

Yeah. Anyway, I guess you can check out Nek-or-Rose. I'm mad because the puns good. It's great. That's a good one, dude. I'm mad at because the pun's good. You could check out necrosis currently available at the merch store at Orchidate.com along with all the other cool stuff like and match the gathering commander's sleeves and dice and hoodies and shirts and more. Yippee. And more.

Let's go. Love to hear it. So, Pank, you're here today. What are we? I have a You know, I... But what's up? How are you? We're doing all right. My AC works again, so that's good. Oh, thank God for that. Yeah, I took the English home with me. That was kind of fucking horrible. But, you know, we're back on top. And it's elf day.

Yeah, I thought it might be. I was like, it's pancreas, it's fantasy. If we're not doing elves, I'm a monkey's uncle. Hey, sometimes it's rats, too. But yeah, today is elves. as Shai said, they killed Karyoth, and now it's time for me to just talk about why elves are better than anyone else. Wait, did the elves killed Kriath, or was that unrelated? Oh, no, that was the gnomes. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Damn it, again? Yeah, he got cock-noned. Yeah. What? Oh, that's right. You didn't hear that whole thing where, oh, no, yeah, Kiriath died painting. painting, what is it, gnome cock minis?

Yeah, it's awful. It's awful. There's a lot, there's a lot being said right now. I'm having, I'm having a hard time. Yeah, it's not actually. I mean, he actually,

anyway, yeah, it's, anyway. So you're painting gnomes with their cocks out and, how did you die? I mean, I don't think he's actually dead, but you know, you never know,

they might get them. Oh, Oh, Kiroeth was painting Gnomes with his cock out. Yeah. Well, no. I mean, was his cock out or were the gnomes cocks out?

The gnomes. I hope it was the gnomes. His could have been out, but he didn't share that. Okay, okay. Well, because he does live,

like, with his wife and everything. So, like, if I was living alone with a wife, I would paint nobs with my cock out. Like, that's a level of freedom

only allotted to a special few. Well, yeah, something's got to be a pallet. I feel like the, the misses, it would even be like, yeah, it's a little weird, dude. Put that away.

You're painting minis, man. We really did just skip over that very good, very good joke there, Hank. I'm sorry, that was solid. Oh, I didn't hear it. What was it? What did he say? What's that high-pitched winding in the corner said DK?

Oh, that's fair. All right, all right. No, I'll take that L. You can hear it later. But, you know, Elf Day. God, I love elves. So I've grabbed a selection of elves that I'm going to talk about. Because much like every Warhammer Army, they have, you know, the big special named guys that they want you to buy all the cool minis of.

Of course. And I think the elves have the coolest guy. Mostly the coolest guys. Wait, so is this just a collection of elves you like? It is a collection of elves that I like and are also very important to high elf lore. It's high elves on top of it. I'm sorry to tell you. Ooh.

It's a character episode. Have we heard of any of, well, you know what? We'll figure it out. You'll tell us. You've said it. You've talked about at least two of them in the elf episode you headed. So if at least two of these names aren't vaguely familiar to you. I was going to say, I should recognize a couple of these.

Yeah. To you, to you. It's been a minute since that episode, but I'm excited. It's fine. It's fine. they're cool fellas. They kill a lot of people. So they have to be at least moderately interesting, right?

It's one of these elves, the elf person that you like a lot? Yeah, yeah, he might come up. I might have horrible things to say about him. That's so, you know. This is the pregnant one, right? Yeah, no, this is the one that is my boy wife. Gotcha, gotcha, we'll skip past that for a moment. That's a loaded thing to say.

All right. Well, yeah, he's the one who's loaded. His boy wife is loaded Yeah All right All right Go ahead Go ahead Penglin

Let's get started Yeah We're gonna We're gonna To start We're gonna go back to the beginning Of the high elves With two folks

Who I'm gonna talk about At the same time Because they're kind of Very related to one another Caledore and Anerian Is DK Those are the two Do you

You vaguely know Who I'm talking about right? I You know The name specific don't ring a bell, but I'm sure once you start telling me what they actually did, it'll start coming back to me. I'm assuming one of them made the big crazy shitstorm that, you know,

saved everyone from chaos. He did. And then the other one grabbed the funny sword. Nice. Yeah. Which one is more important? The answer to that is kind of just yes. If you ask the high elves, it'd be a narian.

Is he the funny sword or the saving from chaos? one. He's the funny sword. Oh, really? Yeah, no, Kalinor is the big, the big magical hurricane one. Okay. There's a lot. There's a lot here I'm learning about quickly. Okay. So Kailanor, you know, so more like, more like Gaylonor because of the high winds. Yeah, dude, yeah. It's like, like Gayle from Baldur's Gate.

Exactly. Exactly. Gail, the Riz King from Balders Gate 3. I'm so glad that's the direction you went. Well, no, I was seeing Gail. Like wins. Yeah. Win. Like a gale. What did you think?

I thought wins too. Did you? Yeah. Why do you lie? You have no proof of that. Why do you lie? You have no proof of that at all. Fibs on the internet, dude.

You can't do that. But, uh, Caled Ordinarian, you go back far enough in high elf history and it just kind of turns into elf history. Old ones plopped them down on, you know, sunk, the big donut in the middle of the not Atlantic. All was

well, and then demons. Demons had to happen at some point. We needed a war game, and if demons didn't happen, it wouldn't really be Warhammer, now would it? True. You know, not great for the elves. You know, they were built to fight chaos. So, you know, it was kind of their sole reason for existing in a way.

But you put them on paradise in the Garden of Eden for like a thousand, however many long years, and that's kind of unclear it's prehistory. They're not great at fight him. So they sit there and then the demons show up and they kind of get shit rocked almost to a man.

Except for this Anerian and Kalidor fella. So Kalador was he was the wizard, you know, the greatest mage the elves had ever seen. He was a little bit more intelligently proactive when it came to dealing with

this threat, which is why he's one of the two most famous elves in history. He went out into the world and just started trying to find all analogy he could. He kind of tripped over one of the dwarf gods and talked shop about that for a bit. That's surprisingly less important than you would

think. They just kind of chatted and went, yeah, I hate chaos, I hate chaos too. And then they left. One of them went to hell and one of them went back to the donut, the elf specifically. Why did the one go to hell? Because he was a dwarf god of war and he didn't really have any better solution than to just go up and throw hands.

Okay. Okay. I mean, I guess that's all right. All right. That's a more clear answer than I had initially expected. Yeah, what, you know, when all you have is a hammer and all that. Yeah. That's very true.

Which guy is that? Grimeneer. Okay, that's a slayer god question mark. Yeah, correct. Yeah. Wasn't you supposed to take that oath after the Willie Also episode? Oh yeah, no, that's already begun. I've been picking fights with crackheads hoping one of them does me in, but it hasn't worked yet.

Damn, okay, you need to get stronger enemies. I really do. I got to up it to heroin cat girls. Hell yeah, brother. I didn't think of anything. That's the least strong of them all. She is pretty frail. Can barely lift a gallon of milk.

Might have toxoplasmosis, though. It gives them, you know, freak strength. Sounds like a, like a, uh, effect that a, my needs. Nergel unit would have located beneath its data sheets. Probably is. Toxylplasmosis. Minus two to move. But that K.L.R. Felairefella, he went out, got a whole lot of magical, you know, know how.

Came back, started teaching elves how to more properly do magic, throw in some real, you know, throw it back in the demon's face. They may be made out of magic, but a fireball is a fireball. It does good work. An Aryan? A little bit less subtle, a little bit less elegant. He went to the shrine of their chief god of Surian and said, Hey man, can you do something about this? And Assyrian didn't, because he's,

the elf gods are still alive in fantasy, but they more or less flip a coin if they decide they're going to intervene in a given day. Just because? I could give you a long spiel about how the high elves are all about duality and balance and so their gods are as well. Because this, because it contains a similar isn't that what like feudal Japan gods are kind of like, like why foxes are kind of like tricksy, dixie and stuff. And since a lot of elf stuff in Warhammer is like based on feudal Japan.

That's probably some of it, but that's not the area my history degree is in. So I don't want to give real life knowledge and then look like a silly, silly bobo. What is your real life history degree in. I'm a white man, Rome and Greece. So how can you get substantially less mad at me about misrepresenting those two things than everyone else

that watches our content? I don't know, I'm not a YouTube commenter. That's fair. That's fair. Hey, that's the answer. Yep, that's, you win. You win the door prize, brother. I was raised by functional human beings. Okay, so you don't have a hit out on Christopher Nolan? No, I don't. You know, I keep those complaints to myself.

I do have them, but, you know, I keep them inside because that's, I'm not, who the fuck's going to listen to me? I mean, I don't know, man, we just spent most of the, early, the episode reading of the episode, reading off your specific tweets. You got a good point. I'm going to ride this ego high the rest of the episode, if you don't mind. That's good. Okay, elves.

Elves, yeah, let's good. Let's get back to that. Yeah, an Aryan? You'll be happy to know this inerian stuff is kind of coming back to me, the more you talk about it. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. After trying everything from, you know, sacrificing whatever gold animals, whatever crap,

just praying really loudly and hoping to annoy him until he listened. He just walked into Syrian sacred fire and was like, you know what? If none of these sacrifices work, hopefully I do. And then he started burning to death until he didn't and his wounds magically healed because presumably the sight of crispy elf bacon suddenly wafting through his house probably wasn't that pleasing to Asurian and he was just kind of like, you know what? Fine. Have a divine blessing.

Go kill demons. I'm sick of listening to you. Damn, this is not how it happened to Gwyn. No, no. It's not. Yeah, that's so true. You just kept burning forever. I do.

vividly remember the whole like, oh yeah, you have to walk through the fire to become, like, divine. And I don't know if you're going to talk about it, but what is it, Mal, Mal the, the dark elf guy that's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to do it too. And it's just like, no, he just burns to death. I'll probably briefly bring it up, but this is more high elves. Yeah, yeah. I kind of figured. So I was like, oh, it's okay to bring that up, right? Yeah.

Is that due to him being an evil dark elf or is that due to like the duality of the gods sometimes being like, yeah, this guy, not this guy? No, he was just a bad egg. Yeah, he was really bad. He was just a doucheback. Like, he, like, secretly murders a bunch of, like, people to get into power, and he does, like, a lot of horrible crap, like, that he doesn't tell people that. And then he walks into a surrey and be like, oh, yeah, I'll fool him. And isn't a Syrian, like, dude, I see all the shit you did.

It's like, I'm kind of omnipotent. I'm a god. Like, did you really think I wasn't watching? Like, I didn't turn away when you did that. So just burn, you evil bitch. My whole house just shook with thunder. I'm going to stop bad-mouthing a Surian now if it's quite right.

I can hear the thunder in the shaking of your house actually. This is like that one time we were filming and they had that earthquake that hit decay. Yeah, then you felt a shockwave. Yeah. Okay. All right. God damn.

Well, let's hope that doesn't hit my house because that's taken out of neighbor's chimney before. Oh. Anyways, yeah. Anerian in the much less subtle way It was like, all right, I'm just going to go beat the snot out of demons. And he rallied

a whole lot of elves to his side and they started pushing them back. And all was pretty good. Till's wife died to a keeper of secrets and as far as he knew, so did his children. That is a little bit less good for one's mental health and Othwan's mental

health because that was also the mortal avatar of one of their goddesses, an Aryan's wife. Hmm. That is bad sounding. Yeah. It was all around horrific, is a good word. So, when Arrian stopped being very proactive,

stopped kind of really trying and fell into a bit of a depression, remarried a woman, an elf woman named Marathi. Oh. Who, you know, is Marathi the, is Marathi the ancestral dark one? Yes, yes. Yeah, buddy. Yes. This was the start of all of that fun.

And they, you know, kept each other company during these trying times, which some of the passages, I will say, are almost kind of sweet. Were it not for the fact that I knew how both of these storylines progressed and it becomes significantly less sweet? But it was a bit of a, you know, we're very traumatized kind of thing. We're taking what comfort we can. that then progressed into an Aryan turning the kingdom of Negerith in the northernmost bits of Ulthwan into a bit of a carnival of horrors. Some not quite Slenesh stuff, but there were a lot of slesh demons around, so it was kind of creeping into that territory.

He was just sort of hanging around if demons showed up in his house, and he'd promptly deal with him, but wasn't being very good. So Kalilor down below, the rest of Althwan was like, can we... All right, I've got to go back out into the world. I gotta travel around, sail around, grab more magical lore, till he comes up with a solution. There's too much magic in the world. Demons are made out of magic,

so they just keep spawning out of nowhere. In massive numbers. What if we just open the drain hole and let it flow out of the world? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Which was actually, you know, a good idea. Yeah.

And he got a whole bunch of other elves he had trained, or already trained by the old ones, because they were the last group. of elves to have received that honor. And they were going to get to work building the great vortex until an Aryan said, no, don't do that. That's stupid. It's lame.

Wait, so opening it up was a good idea? It was. Oh, yeah. Phenomenal idea. There was too much magic in the world. It was just letting demons form out of nothing. You didn't need like a warp rift or a chaos portal or nothing. They were just showing up in your band.

backyard. I guess I just assumed there would be a large knock-on effect to draining a magic in the world. Uh, the knock-on effect, there are some knock-on effects, but most of them are actually not that bad in the grand scheme of things. Interesting. Okay, then. For once, the big magical ritual doesn't have too many caveats. Okay, this is, this is not a rubric of Armin situation. No, this was not a rubric of art. For no more than like a dozen people. Okay. This was a very positive. magic ritual. By all accounts, pretty good. Anerian said that's lame.

It's really honest, not that much more complicated than that. That's boring. That's lame. That's stupid. And Anerian kind of, again, he's been going a little bit nuts. You know, first wife's dead. He told Marathi at one point, well, actually, no, he didn't tell her. She said she loved him.

And then he responded by walking away. way and she never saw him again. There's a lot of there's a lot of things going on there with that one. I'm sorry, excuse me, base department, it's for you. Oh, no.

I'm ending this on perhaps the most base department piece of lore I've ever read in Warhammer. Excellent. We'll get to that. But one final massive assault by the chaos gods and their demons

kind of made an Aryan pull his head out his ass a little bit, and also kind of go insane. Because this is when he hears a voice in his head telling him, hey, man, it's a really cool sword up in the north of Othwan. You should go grab that. The sword of Kane. Yep. You know, Kane's sword, the widow maker, as it's also known, which I have to say,

I think that name goes hard. It does. It goes super hard. You know, it's not... Use that against Marathi. I was going to say there's no foreshadowing, right? Oh, no. No, no, it's even better than that.

But no, that's jumping ahead. He decides he's going to go pull this sword, this sword of Kane, also a god killer. I mean, it's a sword used by the elf god of war and murder. It's a damn good sword. Every god in the setting tells him not to do this. The elf gods tell him don't do this in some interpretations, aka depending on the addition. Kane is either egging him on or even saying, hey man, don't do that. Don't do that.

The chaos gods appear before him and say, don't do that. It's not worth it. Which is, I feel that's a really big sign for how bad an idea this is when Korn says, hey, man, that sword's not worth it. Yeah. It's going to fuck you up. But again, by this point... Hey, pancreas, does he listen? No, he doesn't.

There's more PTSD in that man than elf. and Marathi's influence isn't great either. So he goes up and pulls the sword, and plus side, there's a whole lot of dead demons now that are probably permanently killed. Normally doesn't work, but, you know, when you have a god's sword, they tend to break the rules a little bit. He gets on the back of his dragon, flies up, Solo's four greater demons, one of each god.

And the last thing he does is, well, other than having, kid with Marathi, Malikis, is to go return the sword to the northernmost bits of Ulthwan and then just leave his armor behind and then piss off. And then, I mean, promptly die, but... Oh, okay. Like, piss off where? I mean, he leaves, but also him and his dragon are both very dead, I believe...

Oh, yeah, they've been through a lot. Yeah, no, they were... The fight against those four greater demons and then the horde of other demons on the way to them lethal wounds. Even with the god killer, he succumbs to his wounds, right? They trucked through it, but then it was like at the last, you know, the fighting was done, the adrenaline wore off and it was time to pass out and die. Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

But hey, up to that point, I'd say pretty good showing, right? Yeah, so far so good. Yeah, so that's the end of Anerian. His bloodline would go on to bless and curse elven history until the end of the setting. Oh, is that because he took the sword? Yeah, the sword curses your bloodline, uh, uber horribly. Like, it's just, it's physically and or emotionally and or spiritually. Sometimes you get all three.

Sometimes you just get one or the other. Yeah, I was going to say, I remember the generational curse that this sword leaves on his bloodline and it's, yeah. Sometimes, so how come, how come Kane has this? I mean, he's Kane. So I assume it's partially because, like, he just has the evil swords of evil and evil. He made the elf god of smithing Vall make him. It's kind of like the 40K version only there wasn't quite as much deuside going on

compared to 40K, but there was still enslaving the blind guy to make him make fancy toys for Kane. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Which if anything is even ruder here because there was no he just kind of did that. That is a little funny though. I mean, look, sometimes you need a fancy sword. Like a practical joke type funny.

Like, like, I find that mildly humorous. Because, like, what was Kane going to do with it? Kill people? Probably kill elves. Yeah. It's kind of his favorite thing to do. Even though he's the god of war for, oh, oh, because like kill other elves. Just just to do it because he's, because he's the god of war.

Okay. And the elf god of war and murder. So when elves are killing elves, that's like double dipping for him. Gotcha. Okay. And that's why he might have been cheering an area on. He's like, oh, I can. I can foretell. This is going to be a whole

lot of dead elves in my future. Run that fade in area. Also, Shai said, totally not evil dialogue from the sword itself. Draw me. You can. You're worthy. You are my master. Nothing can stand against us. Nagaroth will fall. The empire will fall.

The kingdom of the dwarfs will fall. The world will be ours. It is our destiny. You will be the last of the great elf heroes and your name will live forever. Jesus. Yeah, it's, it's bad. But I'm assuming the dark elf poon was kind of getting his brain all, like, yeah, whatever, dude.

I mean, yeah, if you see Marathi's character model and Total Warhammer, her feet come pre-gunked for taste. Pre-gunked. Yikes. Dude, of all the words that I wanted to hear this morning, pre-gunked Marathi feet was not on the list. No, no, no. Pre-gunked for taste. Oh, yeah. You're doing a disservice, but not.

saying the full sentence. You're right. I'm sorry. I, um, I'm not hiding what I am. Don't hide what I am for me, D.K. Sorry,

the mental whiplash made me change it. Sandwich. Sandwich and the, uh, CFZU. Not gonna ask. Yeah. The Corona drink.

Come on. Oh, oh yes. Yes. I forgot about that because I forgot how you decided to describe it. Yeah, which, you know, you can also replace the corona with a lovely line in cougal. Makes it a lot smoother.

But back to elves. You're just saying shit. It's a beer. Line cougal summer shandy. Yeah, I think he's just making up where it's breaking. He's just saying things. Yeah, he's just, sometimes you just got to say shit. Yeah, dude, I'm a professional yapper.

We should kill this guy. Put him back in the basement, shy. Where did you get this guy? the same hole the Skaven crawl out of. Yeah, that makes sense. But, yeah, anyway, that's the end of Anerian's direct story. Until of all things, age of Sigmar for a bit. But that's jumping ahead of whole setting, so we're not going to do that right now.

Solid. Kalidor, for his part, had managed to get that ritual, that Vortex going. And it was pretty good, except, you know, him and a couple other, you know, like a dozen-ish or so other Elven sorcerers, did kind of get rubriced. They are trapped outside of time forever maintaining the vortex. And like magical amber, which all things considered, not horrible.

It's not great for them. It's not like eternal agony, but it is just timeless void. This is nothing but the rest of eternity for you. That sounds worse than just death. I mean, yeah, but I just, you know, like a scale-wise, thing. That was like a dozen, two dozen

guys versus demons overrunning all of the planet. You know, it sucks for them, but overall, this could have been much worse. Yeah, I'm sure that is a sacrifice they happily made to rid the old world of demons that were... Well,

yeah, mostly rid the old world of demons. You know, you couldn't... They couldn't plug the two chaos ritual, you know, vortex is at the top of the world, but they kept it from being so demons could just be a weather event. Yeah. It's, you know, 12 guys keeping the world going versus Biggie trowing down on a thousand poor bastards a day.

A day. One of those ratios is a lot more favorable. Yeah, yeah, but one of them got about another million worlds of people to eat. That's true. A lot of hikers to eat. I'm sorry. This is the old world singular, my friends. Can someone do the math on 1,000?

times 10,000 for how many people he's eaten no actually the thousand yeah it's fine it's a lot it's a lot of zeros yeah and he would

caled or you know he didn't he didn't die he's stuck there forever and he would keep just overseeing the vortex there was one time when Malakith and Marathi when the dark ill's first form decided if they couldn't have Ulthwan no one could so they undid the vortex

downside, this caused about half of Othwan to sink into the ocean. Upside, it freed the super powerful elven mages, so they just blasted them in the face with like 5 million fireballs until they went away. And then they remade the vortex. I also got about 3.6. Oh, well, no, you're, like, consuming a thousand people a day for 10,000 years results in a total of 36,000, 500,000 people. Huh That seems wrong That does seem wrong

Yeah I feel like it would No I guess that one Yeah I'm sure it's not I'm sure it's not Three billion Really

Yeah I was about say 1,000 1,000 by 365 times 10,000 Maybe I missed typed Yeah That's not that much What a benevolent god

Yeah He's a good guy I don't know He's gold. No golden emperor can be evil. I've seen Dragon Ball. Okay. I haven't, so I'll take your word on that one. He's the good guy. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay.

But, uh, yeah. So, you know, every now and again, Kalar would kind of beat someone, you know, away from the vortex. He did it twice to Marathi because one time she kind of snuck back in to do some shenanigans. He pretended to be old and frail and dying. and then towards the end of that story he just kind of said actually I'm just kidding and then undid the illusion and was just again

a jacked wizard elf and just kind of shoot her away with magic and for their part Kalador would get a kingdom named after him no one actually remembers what it was originally called it's just Kalidor and Anerian would go on to start the Phoenix King tradition

the guy who's in charge of the high elves and then also they shout his name out before every battle they go into because they really like the guy, or at least they like the idea of the guy. No one's a, no one talks about the sword part. Is that why, is that where we get Phoenix Lords from? Because the Phoenix King, that's where I, I would, I would assume. Yeah. And then, Anerian's final piece of amazing influence was a conversation between Malakith and Marathi, where Malikith said, I also learned this from my father and then backhanded his mother.

Okay. Okay. Was that the other based moment that you were referring to? I don't. Neither of those things were based, man, but all right. I don't know. That has the same kind of energy that like James Bond has before he's like, he's like, a woman's mouth shouldn't be using this, darling, and he waxed.

And he wax her that. If there's anyone who deserves it, it would be Marath. It would be Marathi. Well, yeah, that's horrendous. I can appreciate sexism if it's against people I don't like.

That's true. Marathi is the absolute fucking worst. That's fair. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read that. I was like, there's this,

I forget who wrote that book, but someone was having a, someone was having a little bit too much fun writing. Actually, I prefer blondes, and then he shot her. Oh, right,

I forgot all about that. Let's go. What a call bag, Bricky. Let's go. we here in the Warhammer 40K creation space A proof of domestic violence Listen, all I'm saying is that this British property

That we're all based around Had to send out a suicide Or like a domestic abuse hotline When they lost footie Us Americans never hit women No Oh this is going down a path all right That's all right

I can take it down a different path now Because it's time for the next grouping of elves Teary and Tehrie and Teclus. Anerian's great, great, great, had a whole lot of great grandchildren. I remember Tecklas. Weren't they all cursed, though? Oh yeah, they are all cursed.

That bloodline kept going for all that time and it didn't get any less cursed. Sick. The man fuck, Anerian did fuck. He had at least three children. Oh, that doesn't really sound like he fucked. That sounds like he had sex. I would classify those as two different things.

He was hanging out with Marathi for like 50. years straight. They, they fucked. I mean, I was going to say, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I'm getting. Yeah, but I'm not saying I'm fucking, I, you know, that's all so fair. Well, if I had three kids, I, anyway, let's get going carry out, or not carry out. Jesus Christ. Uh-oh. Oh, oh. Oh. Get your, get your cock out, pancreas. It's time to paint. It's time to paint the nose. Teary and Tearied and Teckless, though. Oh, yeah, techlis is out. Of course, my out.

Oh, this is the one. Yeah, this is the one. They are his descendants. As Tyrion and Total Warhammer loves to remind you that he is often viewed as a Narian Reborn. That is not necessarily a compliment. That's gossip.

But they were born to, you know, obviously one of a Narian's descendants, which means they got that good old curse a cane in their blood. flowing through him. Tyrion kind of got the, you know, we'll ignore the end times for a bit. He kind of got like the best

possible outcome of the curse and Anerian's genes. Every now and again, he gets a little bit moody. Moody. That's the curse of Cain. Okay. It's, uh, it, I'm good, if a lot of Tyrion's lore

doesn't, oh, geez, all right, I'm sorry. Does not like how you're talking about, She does not like how I'm talking about Tyrion or his writing. No, he was the, he was, he is the archetypical high elf warrior. He's got a jawline like steel. He's, and he's not quite regal. He's very, you know, brave and heroic and does his duty and is all about saving oldthwan, all that good stuff.

Doesn't bat down, you know, back down when it's time to kill demons and dark elves and threats to the homeland. He was trained to be the greatest warrior the elves ever saw. And he did become that. just kind of at full stop. He'd kind of fly into a rage every now and again. That was the mood swings, you know, that curse of cane. But all things considered, a bit of a temper is really not that much of a downside,

especially by the standard of curses and Warhammer. Yeah, I was going to say, that's not too bad. Considering, like, what the generational curse will do to some of the other people, that's the fact that he just has some mood swings every now and then and goes into a fit of rage, that's not bad. And really, you just kind of point him towards, like, the nearest dark elf or something. and he works his frustration out. Like, oh, no.

Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's, you're basically not cursed at all. Teryan also kind of just went around fucking, yeah, several hunters in the province he grew up in, several high elf nobles. He gets around. He's very charismatic. He's, uh, everyone, most everyone likes him. Uh, nobles don't really like him because he doesn't care for courtly politics, which is what the high elves love, but everyone else loves the guy.

And then Teckless. Yeah. And then Teckless. He doesn't have any, you know, emotional damage. He's fine. Yeah? There's no spiritual corruption. He does have magic tuberculosis, however.

That sounds not great. Sometimes the curse of Kane just does that to you, apparently. I see. So he just, his back just hurt a little? Non-stop coughing up blood, that kind of thing Can barely walk under his own power In fact, couldn't for most of his youth I was undersold on this

I like how Bricky hears magic tuberculosis And it's like, so is back hurt Well Scoliosis That is, yes, that is scoliosis However, I don't have anything for this one, never mind That's an unfortunate mishap of words. Yep, yep, yep.

Yeah. There's a really sad passage where he's watching Tyrion train when they're youths and he's dying in his bed, just watching his brother be cool. Ah, shit. I definitely thought he was going to have a lot more of like a, a lot more of like a, a meme problematic situation here. My apologies. No, he's just.

incredibly sickly. There is no bit. Hey shit. It took it took him like years and years of like a thousand different experimental treatments to be able to kind of walk on his own

and all that. But on the plus side, Tyrion got the, you know, the warrior skills. You know, you do the anime thing where he swings his sword a thousand times. She's it and then someone just kind of falls apart.

Teclus got the kind of power that is he waves his hand and then a city blows up. Ah, so, so this is just Lorean and Lothrick from the end of Dark Souls 3. Yes. You got the sickly magic one and then you've got the strong sword one, except I guess in this case, the strong sore one isn't blind. Yeah. God, I don't remember either of those guys. They're a, they're a great fight.

They're probably one of the best Dark Souls fights out there, honestly. up there with like Gail and the Abyss Watchers. It's good. Yeah. But yeah, the no blindness and the sword guy can walk. He doesn't have to hobble and teleport. And they, in spite of, you know, Tackless being a little bit jealous and Tyrion getting the,

let's say the preferential treatment to everyone else, they were still, you know, thick as thieves. You know, there was no hard feelings between the two twins, which is charming and nice to see. For a change, yeah. They would go on to become probably the most important people in modern-day Warhammer ever, Teckless especially, because when they were kids, demons happen again. Even with the vortex, sometimes demons still happen,

where they both defeated the demon Nkari and a whole lot of Silesh demons trying to invade Elthwan and destroy Assyrian's little sacred fire. And also kill them personally because Nicari was kind of sick of Anerian's bloodline. constantly killing them. Honestly, that's fair. That sounds justified. Yeah, it didn't work. Nakari got ass blasted back to hell.

And that kind of made them really incredibly famous for the two of them more or less single-handedly turning back a demon invasion. They're like, all right, that's kind of cool. Tarian cut, you know, like half of them apart before we could, you know, even blink. And then Teckless waved his finger and then where did it everyone? one go. Oh, they're dead. So Teclos is just like Uber-Syker wizard man.

Yeah. He, top three most powerful beings with the only two competitors really being a, a a magical frog, yeah, croak and a gash. And living for both of them is perhaps not the best choice of words.

Yeah. Doesn't Nakari get ass blasted a lot? Like, I remember his name coming up quite a bit. This isn't even the only time Techless gets him. Yeah, I was going to say, like, it's not even just Teckless that gets him. It's like, he gets bodied a lot. Malakith got him

once, Anerian got him. He doesn't like that bloodline for a reason. They keep blowing him up. And they would go on to, you know, go to the respective things. They stopped hanging out with each other as much. Tyrion went to go train to be a warrior. Teclus went to go train to be a wizard.

But they're magical elf twins in a fantasy setting, so of course, they have a psychic link and, you know, they can tell how the other's doing, and if one's in danger, they get, you know, danger sense of it. Elf nonsense. It is what it is. And they would, you know, they train for, you know, a few, you know, their teenage years, which being elves means like 80 years or some shit like that. Mm-hmm. Do you think they feel if the other is having sex?

I hope not because Teckless is going to have the bluest balls on history. That'd be very unfortunate for Teckless. Oh, so bad. You think Teclos got like a prostitute hired for them, kind of like Rocky Dennis and mask? Yeah, the high elves have like, what is the noble, like the word for noble prostitute, courtesan, cacubic, concubine, concubine, yeah. Hey, no, concubine is the male version. That's what Cirioth was dealing with today's episode. Boy, we offered Cirioth the chance to be here and, you know, he was like, no, there's too many people.

And now he's just getting dragged, brother. Don't, don't bow out and you won't be dragged through the month. I appreciate him wanting to keep the nice three-person kind of vocal group here. But, you know, get shit on. It's just getting dragged in everything. Thank you for trying to keep everything orderly. Dork. Nerd.

But, yeah. And then they would go on to, you know, and know, and no. you know, no small, nothing too big, uh, completely dry back a dark elf invasion. Uh, it was Malikith, you know, a little bit about him. The dark elves don't threaten most of the world

because every time they get strong enough, they go, I want to take back the donut. I really want that goddamn donut back. Yep. And this one was real bad because it was, it was like a thousand years of prep time for this invasion. Uh, it coincided with chaos, marshalling under and ever chose.

and also attacking the world. And then a whole lot of demons just kind of shacked up with the dark elves, like, eh, why not? We know you guys like F's every now and again. Let's go push some elven face in, which they proceeded to do. Killed the reigning Ever Queen,

and it was bad, it was bad, it was real bad. Tyrion, for his part, was being Tyrion, which is killing every dark elf in his path, and probably with a big old smile on his face, because he is a little bit psychotic. I'm not going to lie to you. Just a bit.

He was eventually poisoned. Killed the guy who poisoned him, of course. That's, let's, you know, let's, it's, that's the hysterian. That's how his fights usually go. But you can't stab poison. He finally found an enemy he couldn't just stab. So his, uh, his lover, Alariel, who we'll get to in a bit, took him and ran off.

They, they needed to just go. because the Dark Elf Assassins were hot on their trail, as was Nakari again, because of course they are. Yeah, they, uh, it's again, it's time for vengeance again. And everyone kind of thought they were dead because the last thing anyone saw of Tyrion and Elariol was a horizon of demons and dark elves chasing after them into a forest. So that was, that was a morale-drainer right there.

Teckless has that magical link, though. He's like, well, I would know if my brother's dead. I'm still getting, like, the GPS ping. So we're good. We're good for now. That means allureole's alive too, because there's no way he'd let himself die if she was still alive. So Tackliss nuts up, makes a magical sword, gets a magical crown because the magical sword was really cool, and goes to hunt down Tyrion and is an allureole, doing some cool, you know, some cool elf shit. He finds them right as Nakari is about to kill Tyrion and allureole. It's real tense. This is going to be the end of our hero. and then Teckless is a really good wizard. So once again, he waves his hand,

says some magical elf nonsense, and then Nicari just kind of, you know, Lego falls apart, like with a little brick clinking noise and everything. Wow. Yeah, don't piss him off because you kind of just explode. Yeah, that's fair. I also would not want to piss off Teclos, yeah.

It's like the, you know, if you can stab the wizard before he can, you know, wave his staff at you, you're good, but if you can't, that's it. Yeah, you get, you know, broken apart at the cellular level. Yeah. So, you know, so he healed his brother. They wouldn't go on to go kill a whole lot of elves. Tyrion directly dueled Malaketh.

It was a heroic, massive battle against, you know, that technically brother versus brother or brother versus cousin. I really don't know how that works. I don't know. We don't need to. We don't need to. I don't want to either, to be frank. They had a duel of fates.

That's all that matters. They had a duel of fates. Teclus, for his part, was blowing up Marathi with magic. She's almost as good of a mage, but not quite, so he won that one. And then he lit Malikith on fire, but it was the same fire of Assyrian that he walked back into all those years ago. So Maliket threw himself into chaos to get out. That was the better solution than fighting Teclis. To just, into fire I'd go.

Well, yeah, because then you just like, will cease to be. I mean, he got back out. He got out of the realm of chaos, but, you know, it says something about Teckless that literal hell was the positive, was the better of the two choices. So we really just have this like, it's like hobbled tuberculosis elf just being like, nay, and then they just, they're gone. It does take him a lot of effort because, again, super magical tuberculosis. But when he finally gets going, and he was for all of this gifted a magic staff that finally gave him the ability to go for a walk in the afternoon without keeling over, he's getting better. Look, all it took was a staff blessed by a goddess to reach that height. In old world, that's more common than you'd think.

A staff blessed by a goddess? Yeah. Or a god or something. The elven goddess of magic gifted it to him. He's all going to get to this to me sooner, you bitch. I think he might have kept that thought to himself, to be honest with him. Yeah, probably an inside thought. He was just happy to have it at all.

Yeah. And from there, they would go their separate ways once again. Every now and again, they would meet up, you know, hang out, you know, their brothers. They like seeing each other, but Warhammer's a busy world. They got a lot of shit to do. Tyrion's kind of the... I'm not going to say insular one, because he's the charismatic guy, like I said, everyone likes.

He gets along with everyone, but the nobles he's currently bad-mouthing. But he really just cares about keeping all thwan safe. When the dark elves show up, or they've got to go out to prevent a future threat, he's the first guy to do it. The Phoenix King even gave him permission to basically do whatever the hell he wanted to keep the place safe.

Which is another reason the nobles hate him because he's just childhood friends with the king. and you can't really beat that. And, you know, nepotism sucks when it doesn't work for you. True. And, but beyond that, he kind of, you know, just hangs around oath one. Doesn't get out too much into the wider world, at least.

Techless, meanwhile, there's a, there's a passage where he realizes that humans are broken just like him. You know, they're short-lived. They don't know how to do things right, but you know what? Yep. He can barely walk on his. own and no one really likes him much either amongst the elves because he's weird and sickly. What a mage. Yeah, but we wouldn't say that to him, would we?

No, not unless you want to be turned into a fine mist. I mean, after a bit, I mean, he doesn't turn other elves into a fine mist, but, you know, if Tyrion's in the same room and he hears you saying that he will beat your face in for bad-mouthing his brother. Yeah. I'm crippling. and your entire race is just like me. Thanks for relating to me, not racist health.

Oh, dude, update. Message from my sister, be ready to prob take shelter. Boy, this is going to be great. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Wait, wait. Your sister opening up her phone, message receives or sent to Techless, you a bitch. Message from my mother.

Hang tight tornado heading your way. Holy fuck. Oh, my God. Are you good? All right, pancreas. You have some last words. It's going to be on the adeptest ridiculous episode about elves. What do you got for us?

What do you got for us? Quick. No, no, I haven't gotten the weather alert app, so it's probably fine. Are you sure? Don't you mean that you haven't gotten the weather alert app, therefore you need to download it. No, hang on. I haven't gotten the alert from the weather app. Let's rephrase that sentence.

I'm chilling. We're fine. All right. I wanted to see a tornado my whole life. I don't think that's true. I mean, I actually kind of want to see one too, yeah. From a safe distance, I would love to see one. I used to read a 300-page book about different weather for fun.

That was my itism. Man, imagine one to see a tornado while telling everyone about the magical tornado that the elves made. Exactly. See, it's a sign that this episode is blessed. First, it was the magical tornadoes. Now the Odyssey is woke. What have we done, pancreas? Where are we go?

Dude, it's crazy. I can't have elves in big 2026 because of woke. Yeah, anyways. They had to add techlis to the elves for DEI. Oh, no. Oh, no. But no one says that to him anymore because then Tyrion beats the fuck out of that. piss out of you.

But yeah, Tacitus found humans. Humans are broken like me. Hooray. Which, you know, I'm going to say, for an elf, that's a lot of humility to put yourself on the same level as a human. Now, you know, could he set it a bit nicer? Probably. Yeah.

But, you know, we're dealing with elves still. You got to temper the expectation on a high part for racism. You got to temper things a bit. Jesus. What an episode. What an all-time classic. Anchorius is going to get killed by a tornado. We've got the tech list the DEI higher.

This is great. This is all top tier stuff. All of this is great. Top drawer stuff from a death is ridiculous today. Karioth will be the only surviving podcast member with his cock out, painting gnomes. Oh, geez. Oh, geez.

That's crazy. Good, good stuff, good stuff. But, yeah. He's techless, though. He's outgoing, right? And he had another realization, right? Keeping old thwan safe is all well and good. But even if just through numbers alone, right,

should probably do what you do to keep the rest of the world safe. If for no other reason, then if everyone else beats up all of the other people, then you are the only person left to beat up. And the high elves have enough trouble with just the dark elves as it is. Yeah, that's true. So he goes out towards the world. He founds the human colleges of magic.

He teaches those silly frail humans that are just like him for real, for real, how to actually do magic instead of throw up a prayer to Sigmar and hope you don't blow up. Yeah, I remember this part of Teckless, teaching them just the most base level of elf magic because that's all humans can handle. Yeah, he teaches them how to do it as efficiently as possible. He does what he does, but, you know, he understands he's not working with a race handcrafted to be good at magic. He's like, okay, we're going to tell him. it down a bit. You're going to be really good at this one thing, but that's, I'm afraid, all I can give you. Which one thing is this again? A human can do like one of the eight winds of magic, really good. They can't do more than that, because if they do, it's going to kind of break their minds.

Which wind of magic is this? Like any of them. Like, there's eight of them, like a human wizard can learn. Oh, but they can only do the one. Yeah, they can do the one. In fact, there's one wizard who, without too much spoilers, is able to do more than just that, and it's a sign that the world is going very poorly, that a human is able to do that. I was going to say, Ricky forgot the Wins of Magic episode we did. No, I do remember the Wins of Magic. I thought that each wins of magic is different.

And I thought, like, humans could only do one of them as opposed to one of the eight due to, like, volume. Yeah, no. It's like an individual human can do one of them, but humans can do any of them. Mm-hmm. You just got to, you get one. Everybody gets one. It's like Spider-Man.

Mm-hmm. And they would go on, you know, they would very influential and famous because they keep kicking ass and taking names for the high elves. Trian, for his part, again, he's the charismatic guy. And they have, just, you know, for his little aside is that. there was once an elven squire named El Daira. Her father was a friend of Tyrion, and he died in battle. So this little, the elf version of a preteen, walked into the courts of Ulthwan, was like, I'm going to be a general like my dad.

And then she got laughed out because high elf nobles are dicks. And then she went to Uncle Tyrion and said, I want to avenge my dad. So then he walked out with sword in the hand and says, I'm going to teach her. She's going to be my squire and she's going to be a general. And then everyone very politely clapped and said, very good, Tyrion, very good Lord Tyrion. She shall be made a general immediately. Please don't show us how sharp that sword is, because we know you will.

Yeah. That's the Tyrion way of solving problems. There is zero elf elegance and schemes with him outside of like how he fights. He is the hammer. Yeah. He is overwhelming brute force that you just cannot stand against. You know, the elf version of brute force, so it's still, you know, elegant, sword swings. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it is also like, how are you going to solve this problem? Oh, I'm going to hit it really fucking hard. With violence. Yeah. Violence and murder. As my family ought tends to do. What's plan B? What do you mean?

What? Ever had to think that far before? Everything's usually dead by that point. Techless for his part. My little side with him other than, please, please, please, please let me riz you up. please, please, please. He was in a Gottrick and Felix book. Hey!

We love Gottrick and Felix. Too much spoilers for that. He spent most of the episode because Teckless's life episode book, because Teckless's life is suffering, being afraid of Gottrick, being afraid of chaos, getting hit on hard by a human witch. She and I have very similar tastes when it comes to elves. All right. You know, at least the high-els.

Keep it in your pants, pancreas. Jesus. I think the gnomes already on my table, dude. Poor Kieran. He's going to demand to be in every episode henceforth. He approved of me bringing it up. I said I was going to. All right. Sick.

Yeah. And, you know, again, it's Tyrion enters a cycle of murder, dark elves, hang out on old one. Murder dark elves hang out on Old One. maybe murder some demons today, rinse and repeat. And Teckless is constantly suffering and going through the worst environments possible. At one point, he just kind of took a journey to see the chaos rift at the North Pole. Just to see, just to get some knowledge, just to do it.

Which for once, he didn't, you know, do what everyone who does that kind of thing does and get corrupted. He just took some notes and left. Huh. Yeah. Could it be me? No, he's just acting. Actually, for once, it wasn't him. No, he wasn't that guy for once. I never, ever get hit by a cursed object.

Reaches from my phone. Oh, no. Also, Shai said, he's just like you with tornadoes, pancreas. He just wants to take a few notes. He just wants to see it. He just wants to take a look. It couldn't be me. My house won't get sucked up by the storm that destroys houses.

Oh. Let's hope not. It'd be a really funny way to. suddenly dip out of a podcast, now wouldn't it? I don't think funny is the right word for that one. What are you going to do? And that's Tyrion and Teckless. There's three more, but two of them are quite quick.

One of them, however, is a Lariol. That Ever Queen, who Tyrion is attached at the hip to. That was a very intentional choice of words. Oh, no. So Allerial, the Radiant, is a, my little pony character that got lost and escaped into Warhammer fantasy. She is the Ever Queen. She is the mortal incarnation of the elf goddess Esha of life and fertility and love and nature and all that hippie crap.

She lives in the province of Averlorn, which is, yes, fertility. Yeah, that is. Say less. Another convert. Yep. And here we thought the Lady of the Lake was the problem. No, that's a Britonian I'm uninterested. Well, that's also an elf.

Yeah, that's true. It's an elf? Yeah, it turns out Lady of the League is just a really strong elf. Elf. I don't know how... That is kind of a spoiler, but yeah. Oh, okay. I kind of forgot.

Well... Oh, she's an elf? Yeah. There's some older lore that also says the same thing to be fair. I kind of... You know what, let's move on. I knew the French couldn't be trusted. I'm glad I stopped talking because I was going to dig that hole even deeper.

Anyways, allureole, elf goddess incarnation. There's a little bit of the emperor of mankind in there too, believe it or not, because every soul of the previous Ever Queen is also jammed into her. That's how the Ever Queen thing works. They have a daughter, and then once the Ever Queen dies, the new one kind of just absorbs that composite soul, which is also really good at fighting chaos, which will get into it a bit. But, you know, early on, she's just, there's nothing special about the Everchild, as it's known, until the previous Ever Queen kicks the bucket.

It's a ceremonial thing. You'll get the soul juice later on. For now, you're just, you know, nobility. Her introduction to being the Ever Queen was her mom being stabbed by Dark Elf Assassins, and then herself almost being stabbed by Dark Elf Assassins, watching Tyrion get stabbed by Dark Elf Assassins, watching Nicarie chase after them for miles and miles and miles of Wood. Lance. There's been, there's been Is there, oh, I was expecting another assassin statement. Yeah, me too. I mean, there are assassins also following

Nicari. You know, Tyrion was chopping through them a bit, but they were also there. She's, there have been better childhoods. Sure. I, you know, you know what? I agree with you.

Truth, nuke, dude. It's really a brave statement. And, and then, you know, she watched Teckless obliterate a demon in front of her. And a whole lot of fighting from there and out happened. Dark Elves pushed back. Big old hooray. And then she was told, hey, hey, Lariol, hey, girl, how are you doing? Dead mother? That sucks. You got to get the soul of Isha jammed in you now. Also, half of your countrymen are dead and everything's on fire. Can you handle that? You don't have a choice. Yay.

Yeah. She did handle it. You know, with help. With a lot of fucking help. But she only kind of let that horribly give her PTSD. Only a little bit. Only a little, just a little bit of PTSD. For fun. And she would become the most active ever queen in high elf history. Call it Elvin tradition or call it early games workshop was written by a bunch of, you know, it's. Male dominated hobby, I don't know, some big woke.

I don't, there's something to say here. Dig it out for yourselves. I don't know, man. I'll dig it out of my ass. Yes, sir. Trying not to say a slur. Oh, please. He's far from frightened about that.

Please, that's saved for the Halo lobbies. Wow, that's where you are. Yeah. That's where the power level comes out. But, uh, no, no, moving swiftly on. The Ever Queen, there's a lot of roles of that that usually keeps them out of combat. Some of it, again, high-alt tradition, it's how scandalous the Ever Queen's out there fighting. Gasp, shocks and whispers at court.

For the more understandable reasons, if she dies, the weather becomes like what it is outside of my house right now, because Isha's health is tied to that of Ulthwaan. so when she's sad droughts or when she's angry droughts when she's sad torrential downpours and when an Ever Queen

dies also not great all around yeah and also she's in charge of keeping the moon from crashing into the earth every 10 years so you really don't want that person going out

to fight into the thick of battle right? No, you want them safe as safe can be it's look again she's very competent she's also a powerful wizard. I don't want the evil hell moon

crashing into my house. No. I heard that. That's the warning. That is the warning. I don't want an evil hell moon and to my house. Lord Blair.

God. That is crazy timing. There it is. There it is. There's the hell moon. Someone in a game, a Warhammer fantasy, just murked a laryl.

Oh, yes. God's damn it. The Ever Queen is dead. You got the alarm. That could not have been timed any better. Was that like the tornado? Was that like an amber alert? That was the weather alert.

Okay, because it's the same sound as the amber alerts. Yeah. I mean, it is the same sign, isn't it? I'm sure it's just the average sound. Okay. Are you good? You need to go somewhere? Yeah, you need to shelter up, buddy?

Because that was the alarm. Let me just open my blinds and answer that question for you. Huh. I think she doesn't like that. No. I think we're fine. Are you sure? You know, let me just look up something real quick.

You know, he's also got the dog scared of oncoming events trope happening right now. Yeah, he does. He does have a somewhat alarmed. dog too. Heavy rain and thunderstorm for at least 60 minutes. It's not raining right now, though. I don't hear anything.

If I hear a sudden rapid rush of winds, I will probably be rapidly fleeing, but, you know, we're fine for now. How would you do this fleeing? Rapidly. I would rapidly say, hey, fellas, there's some bad

things out there, and then I would promptly run to my basement. Okay. Okay. All right. As long as you have a plan. No, there's a plan. I'm right by my basement door, so. This, this is, there they go.

I'm just, you know, this is what we get from doing elf episodes in Adrick. Yeah. Just absolute. Decided, no. Apocalyptic events happening. All because we chose to elves. I mean, there was three in, like, right before I went to England, there were three tornadoes in my county, and, you know, that turned out fine. So, what's one?

Were they on your house? No, but this one isn't either. I just want them doing an alpha episode for 40K. No, Brickie is. Oh, dude, you're getting obliterated. That's happening. D.K. was the warning shot. I'm going to be the final one.

You're going to be the San Andreas Fault is finally going, dude. When you do the LFA episode. Yeah, California is splitting off. The big one. Yeah, that's when it becomes an island. Yep, yep. Those Floridians are going to be so happy. We got taken out first.

They're next. Anyway, the fertility elf? Yeah, the elf, yes, the fertility elf. She's also in charge of a whole lot of fertility rituals speaking of because elves don't have a lot of kids. So, yeah, she's also in charge of, it's a really weird position, the Ever Queen, that one of the ceremonial and, traditional duties is apparently make all of the elves horny enough to have kids. But it is.

I see, the sirens just went out. We're fine. Yeah. And, yeah, yeah, it's, it's an interesting position, but, you know, ceremonial, very important. But she, you know, part of what I meant when I said only a little bit of PTSD was she kind of, kind of likes to be a lot more proactive

because she doesn't want for the good side of things, doesn't want anyone else going through that right. You know, their mother killed in front of them and then all sorts of assassins chasing them. Part of it's a little bit of vengeance.

Also, I'm not going to lie to you. Only a bit. Only a bit. But a little bit. But to be fair, in her day to day, right? She's pretty happy to be around. She's very kind. She's very loving.

I did say she was, at least half of my little pony character that got lost. She's very polite, good person. Make sure you're doing all right. Takes care of her followers very well. Happy,

happy go lucky. She even once saved a person's soul from Slanesh directly. Hey, that's pretty good. There was a chaos invasion by Slanesh onto Ulthwan. She walked up to the chaos lord in charge of it. and just kind of grabbed his hand and instantly no more Sleneh corruption.

And then she proved that she's kind of kick ass, because Slanesh didn't like that. So Slenish itself started yanking on the guy's soul. And then she yanked back. And this went on for a couple of minutes. Damn. She's a tug of war with literally Slanesh. The Ever Queen is just tug of war with Slanesh themselves, the chaos god. And as far as I understand it, right?

The body of that guy, because she eventually let go, the body of that guy instantly turned into the biggest chaos spawn you've ever seen. Sick. But his soul, I think, was pretty good. Like, his soul purified. Oh, great. Again, she probably didn't need to do that. She's a very powerful wizard.

She could have had the vine sprouted from the earth and choke him to death. But she didn't. I'd say that's pretty good showing. Yeah Yeah God, I can't imagine That chaos spawn though That was just getting

Tugged on No yeah No fucking Sleneh itself Even being saved That guy Probably immense levels of agony For a bit

Yeah She did also once To have a bunch of dark elf Prisoners in front of her And then she said Kill them all So Still a high elf

Hey potato potato Butto Still really don't like The Dark Elves And yeah And yeah. And other than that, she's an Ever Queen. So she was told to have a kid with a Phoenix King.

Phoenix King was told to have a kid with her. She already had a kid brewing in her belly with Tyrion. Because her and Tyrion are big fans of each other. And it's kind of an open secret on Oldthwaan that they're lovers. What's much less of an open secret is that that's not the Phoenix King's kid. That would be Tyrion's kid. Oh, problematic. Yeah.

Where's Tyrion right now? Other than banging a laryl, just kind of going around Ulthwan in that cycle, like I said, kill chaos, kill dark elves, kill more dark elves, rinse and repeat. Okay. This is a booming. I mean, he's... He'll come back, maybe? No, he comes back frequently to hang out with, you know, random people on Old Swan. He actually has a fringe circle.

Warhammer character who just has friends that couldn't be my character. Okay. I mean, well, because you know, I didn't know if you want to see his kid or not type thing. He does. He does. He hangs around. They see each other. And

What the hell was that? Thunder. That's the tornado. Okay. That was thunder. No, that was Thunder. Okay. The tornado is consistent roar. That was a bomb. Great. How silly of me. Yeah.

It's gone quiet outside anyways. We're chilling. But yeah, they have a kid, which is a problem because, you know, that kid's still going to get the everqueen soul, right? The Phoenix King doesn't really need to be involved for religious reasons. It's just kind of, you know, he's the king, she's the queen, right? Go make a baby. Tyrion being involved means that kid's got a little bit of that curse of a Narian in her, doesn't she, huh? Yeah.

Which isn't great because that now means Kane and Isha are mixing in one soul. And whatever might happen with that. Probably not ideal. You know, I'm going to go out on a limb, say not good. Probably not the best case scenario, no. You know, the heart wants what the heart wants, and apparently her heart wanted Tyrion. What do you kind of do? I mean, Tyrion kind of rocks, though, so...

Tyrion does kind of rock is the problem. Yeah. And, yeah, you know, from there, Alariel, again, she's a, she had a model on the tabletop. She was very playable, because she's a very active Ever Queen, which causes scandals at court, but also duality and balance. It's like, all the other

ever queens are, you know, homebodies, but this one's getting out and kicking ass. It's so scandalous, but also balance. Ah, what do we think? What do we do here? Well, when she's on the fight with them, they kind of love her for it, because she's, you know, like, their goddess. Also, her mini gives very

red queen vibes from, like, Alice It's usually painted like a tealish, but Yeah, that is really cool. Yeah. I dig it. Any other particular elves we have today? Pinker's. Two more, and they're pretty quick.

All right? How do you feel about Batman? I love him. I think he's overplayed. Oh. I don't want to hear any Bricky, you night lord guy. Fuck you.

Ain't the same at all, and you know it's not the same. You don't like Batman? I just, I don't, can we wait for another Batman movie for like a few, like a bit? Can we wait to be having to do it again? The Batman is fine. I like Robert Pattinson as the Batman. I agree, but like,

why have we got to redo the whole series again? Because it's fun and Batman has many different interpretations that all deserve to be shown and loved, Bricky. I want to have a better version of Reed Richards, okay? I don't know what it's worth. I don't need Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards. He was all right.

The movie was fine-ish. That's what... Anyway, whatever. Elf Batman. Look, his name is Otharion, the Grim, or the Blind, because they retcon is Laura a big lot, but that's okay. Okay. We'll go with the Grim, because that's the most current one.

That's the one that's in total. Warhammer, that's the modern guy. Eltharion used to be a pretty happy-go-lucky guy. Elf nobility from a pretty dower province, but, you know, he was good friends with Tyrion as a kid. Tyrion's a real charismatic guy. Everyone has a laugh when Tyrion's around. He's fun to hang out with.

Tharion, you know, who's part of the group, happy-go-lucky guy, and as a noble, he was trained to be a general. And he did that pretty well. He was one of the only generals to successfully invade the Dark Elf homeland, whether or not that's because you know if you want to be nice

it's because he was a brilliant tactician and strategist if you want to be mean it was because he was the first high elf to do so and their strategy wasn't to recreate the Metro 2033 death tunnel

good reference I got that one good reference good reference I never Arndia my cousin you come to buy my wares yeah never never played it

I've been meaning to never got around to it. Sorry. Great game. Great, great game. Very funny because it has that like Slavic thing where all of them are like having the worst days of their lives. But then Rtium comes in and they're like, hey, Artion. It's great. It's great. Yeah. There's Othari.

He also has a love heart. There's a lot of love hearts on high elf imagery. But yeah, he was invading and he got poisoned. Not great. Looked like he was going to die. And then he got a visit from his dad's ghost, which his dad was not dead when he left to invade the dark elves. So that's already a rough start. He had

a dad when this whole affair started. He also had a brother when this whole affair started. A lot of past tense here. Yeah. As it turns out, a really fat goblin invaded his province of Yavres, his homeland, and was burning it down, and was

also making his way to the vortex, because the voices in his head were telling him to smash it to bits. This might have been the chaos. gods. It was definitely the chaos gods telling that fat goblin that. Wow, that is a fat goblin. You were not kidding. No, he is, his name is

Grom the punch. He is... Yeah, we talked about him. Oh, it's Grom. Yeah. I was about to ask. Yeah. Has canonically killed someone by belly flopping on them. Yep. We sure has. Uh, yeah. So that's Altharian, you know,

thanks to, you know, dad, spirit magic, uh, woke up to find his father's weapons by him and magically healed. So he was like, hey, fellas, this invasion's going real well. We're the only people in history to actually do it, right? We've got to leave now because our home's on fire. And if we don't do it, if we don't leave now, the world's going to be on fire, too. So they rush home to your vress, right?

Sure enough, it's on fire. Goblins and orcs and Grom and all sorts of crap are running rampant. They were smashing waste stone. So reality is starting to unravel just a little bit, but it's a little bit more every second, just a bit. So he hops on his Griffin's Stormwing. Very cool name. I like Griffins too, favorite fantasy animal.

And swoops in, the heads grom the punch. That doesn't undo the broken waystones. You cut off the goblin's head, he kind of already smashed the fancy rocks. Yeah. But at least you kill. gather, well, we'll get to that too. Not quite. Yeah.

He gathers his best wizards, marches into the tower, containing all the magic, you know, like the focal points of it, is in there for a couple days, comes back out. None of the other wizards come back out. He's got the thousand miles stare. And he never tells a joke again in his life and dedicates himself entirely to defending just his husband. home. Yeah, yeah, he kind of saw beyond the, the ken of men,

and he shouldn't have seen that. But now he's Batman, because what he likes to do, he has a cave, for one, that he puts prisoners in. Nice. Batman doesn't kill, but Eltharian sure does. Most of the people that go in that cave don't come out. Constantly patrolling Tori of Rest for any

leftover green-skinned jaywalkers to beat the tar out of you know, now talk, as he slams their teeth into the pavement. There. All right. There was one time Malikith invaded. He does that a lot.

He dueled Malakith for like an hour straight, lived, came back, was pretty much the only non-Tyrian guy or Teclas to wound him. And then just left him when it was over. He was like, do you need me anymore? All right, I'm out. Let's see, what are the quick fun facts about the guy? I feel like he's just kind of more generically cool because he's Elf Batman, but also Elf Batman does

You know That's a whole lot of serotonin going Through my brain dopamine Not serotonin That's not right It's one of those things It's fine One of those fucking brain chemicals

Dude We'll get the Wobutrin back Yeah A lot of Wiltutrin Going through my brain The pallet arrived today And aside from that The way he dealt with

Grom de Ponce Was to cut him into tiny Tiny little itty bitty pieces And then throw him in a magical furnace So we could regenerate inside of it for all time. Nice. Damn.

Get fucked, dude. Would you say Grom deserve this? I would say he deserved it. That was kind of his house and family he burned and murdered. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. He's never been a nice guy anyway.

He's funny. I was about saying. He is funny. He's very funny, though. This should, this should take or be part of this. Your Honor, my client, it was just a prank. Who's the last self? His name is Alitha Nar.

So you like the night lords, right? Oh no. What a way to start. Good God. That's kind of it. He just loves murdering and torturing people. Yeah. So elves live a long time, right?

They don't live eternally. They do eventually, you know, kind of get old and fade away. like Lord of the Rings style almost. They don't really get too withered and everything, but they pass on eventually. Malakith and Marathi are still alive from way back when, but they're kind of using dark evil, horrible magic to do that. Alitha Naur is just so fucking full of hate

for dark elves for ruining his home and Malikith specifically because they were from his home kingdom of Nagarith where an Aryan set up shop, worst of the fighting was there easily. He's so full of hate. that he just hasn't died yet. Oh, so spite, hatred and vengeance keep him alive. Yeah, so.

Oh, you love to see that. Yeah, so he's decided that until every dark elf is dead, he's not quitting. Oh, sick. Sick. And so. He's, he's, he's kind of looks like half a ghost. He's, yeah, he's, that boy ain't right. Yeah, but he's so cool looking.

Come on. He's pretty goddamn cool. And, you know, I call them an Elth and Nightlord, because sometimes, right, even when it's not a big invasion, the Dark Elves... Damn. Not a big invasion, huh? My apologies, Malikif. Call it what it was, you pussy. Yes, the massive invasion from his massive hog.

Yeah. The Dark Elves, they raid Elthwan a lot still. They like to burn a couple houses down, steal some elf children to turn into Dark Elves. That's a thing they do. If Alithanar is in town, you know, yeah, yeah, he's the, that quote is, it just, it just sums them up so well. When you look at your foe, do not see another elf,

see them for what they are, creatures, less than animals. Yikes. That is, that is the speed run. Jesus Christ. Because part of Othwan, you know, fell into the ocean, A lot of the coasts on the outside of it are cliff faces, right? If he's in the area when the dark elves invade, there's a whole lot of still living crucified dark elves embedded in the cliff faces.

Wow. All right, that's kind of sick, though. He has also gone on the offensive, but that's kind of just a one-man spy slash assassin kind of deal. He wants to dance with Marathi herself because he wants to. wanted to steal a very powerful magical gem from her, which he took from just right under her nose. Nice. Most of the time, he shoots you with a bow before he sees you, except for presumably the last guy who he... Maybe he lets them live just because he wants to spread terror, because you got to spread some terror.

You got to let it marinate, right? Oh, yeah, you can't crucify them when they're already dead, right? No, exactly. Uh, they're, the amount of things... See them for what they are, creatures less than animals. there's not a war crime he hasn't committed and there's a prophecy, right, that Maliketh has. This is a prophecy, like, basically from God

that he will die to the firstborn male son. Firstborn, yep, that's how that works. Like, from magical methods, which is why incidentally there's no male dark elf wizards because Maliketh has them all killed. Because, you know, afraid that they're good. the one. Yep. But it's like, it's a hard prophecy. That's how you're going to die.

Someone's son, who is a wizard, aletheinar is not a wizard. Alithanar scares the shit out of Malakith. Because every now and again, Maliketh wakes up. He goes to his council chambers. There's a new body there. That body wasn't there yesterday. Oh, shit. And the initials AA are carved into his skull. Oh. Yeah, that would doubt, you know what? Even if you're Maliket, that would be absolutely fucking terrifying. It's, uh, yeah, it's, uh, he, he just, he just wanders around

murderizing dark elves and he has a whole bunch of other Nagareth elves under him. They're not quite as good at killing dark elves as him, but they make up for it in spirit. He decided that, uh, he was going to fix the, the no night lords and fantasy problem personally. Nice. And, uh, you know, the last bit, the last thing before we end is, uh, I always forget which of the two brothers it is. He is voiced by Dylan Spouse.

Either of you watched The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody? Not in the last decade, but a little bit. Never. He's voiced by Zach, which I watched the hell out of that show as a kid, and then I learned that. It was like, that is very funny. That is very funny.

Went from, you know, the classic, what are the most, I don't know, eponymous, whatever, word you want to use, like, you know, young Disney shows to kill dark elves, murder dark elves, behead dark elf children. Seems like a pretty standard pipeline. Yeah. And, yeah, he's fun for different reasons.

Just, you know, he's the obligatory war crime guy. Sick. I'm a fan of that. Yeah. Every faction needs one. And he's decided that if no one else was going to do it, by golly, G. Willikers, he'd handle it himself. colleague G. Willickers, I guess I'll commit war crimes. And those were the elf characters I prepared.

How do we feel? Pretty good. Honestly, I like Teckless the most. I, you know, all bits aside, he is, he's a, he's a very, like, fun character. He's got a lot of good moments. Humble for an elf. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, he kind of got humbled through the whole bloodline thing. you know?

Yeah. And like, yeah, it's kind of, oh, I was kind of sick. I thought, I thought Teckless was actually kind of cool. He seemed neat. He's a, he's a really cool guy. He's had good conversations with humans where he was like, you know what? You actually just had a good point. I'm going to drop the elf pretences for a moment.

Thank you for introducing me to that line of thought. Good on you, buddy. Yeah. Then he, you know, he turned the elf pretense back on, but it went away for a little bit. Does the, um, uh, which one, which one's the M. one. Techless. Oh, it is Techless.

Yeah, people keep drawing me and him pregnant, which I did bring upon myself, but I wasn't ready for the volume, you know? Gotcha. Okay, I wasn't sure of those... You heard him adeptist ridiculous fans and artists? I wasn't sure if it was Teckless or his brother. I forgot

which. Yeah. No, Tyrion's not my type. Really? Really? That's not the same. Eldrad is not the same. No. No. He's It's too old, too Eldar. At the end of this episode, and then Eldred showed up. And then Eldrad showed up.

The last entry, Eldrad. No. No, that's okay. That's okay. I like talking about the elves GW likes to write about, because that usually doesn't make me upset. That's fair. As opposed to the Elves' GW does not like to write about.

The people who like elves clearly write for the fantasy side of GW, they do all the cool things. Then I zoned back over to another craft world imploding. That does happen a lot. That is true. For something described as being in highly limited supply, there sure is a lot of them to detonate. Damn.

Yeah, that was my elf rambling. All right. Consider me more elf appreciating now, most likely because the writing here, actually seemed good. Bricky, praising elves? What a day. What a day.

Hey, I like good media. Look, that's, look, if you, if you don't like El Dar, just read Warhammer fantasy lore because the elves are actually, you know, sick as hell. Acknowledged and allowed to be, do, you know, cool things. Yeah. Or you could just do what I did, which is, uh, by the battle tech marauder book and then accidentally spill coffee all over it. And I'm now waiting for the next chapter to have arrived to my home.

I'm going to take it as a win anyways. Yeah. Sorry, sorry, man, I spilled a bunch of decaf on it. Now it's ruined. Is it any good,

what you've read so far, any interest, or are you reading this and going, damn, this sure is something. I read the first page and then I spilled the coffee. I didn't know. Not even,

never mind, not even first chapter. No, no. I got like a couple paragraphs. Local man tries to read, fails miserably. I felt like, and I didn't even have anything to do with the knowledge of the words. Nope.

Look, you know what, it's fine. You'd fit right in in Final Fantasy 14, dude. That's what YouTube shorts are for. So true. All right, take us home. Somebody take us home so that poor pancreas can get in the damn tornado shelter. I was trying to get a sound effect so I could have a house getting destroyed on my soundboard this time. But unfortunately, we're not going to have that.

You know, we'll just, we'll just, pancreas, just make sure that bitch keeps holding the moon there and you'll be okay. Hopefully, as long as no one, you know, stabs her, which, you know, I'm sure that would never happen. No. Foreshadowing is a literary device that ends this episode. Goodbye, everybody. Thank you.