Adeptus Ridiculous - THE IRON SULTANATE | Trench Crusade Lore

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousThe Iron Sultanate, officially the Great Sultanate of the Invincible Iron Wall of the Two Horns that pierce the Sky, is a Muslim state and the most prominent Islamic nation in the world. A continuation of the Sultanate of Rûm, the Iron Sultanate is most well known for its Iron Wall - A vast and massive bulwark, tens of thousands of kilometers in length, encircling the Sultanate whole. The nation was formed at the end of the great Muslim migration, with the closing of the Gates of al-Qarnayn in 1109. The Sultanate rules over parts of Anatolia and the Levant, and primarily borders lands controlled by Heretic forces. The leader of the Sultanate and its army is the Sultan, or Padishah, which functions as a hereditary title.Support the show

everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamante's. His name is Bricky. And well, look at that. It's Kariot. But before we get into that, if you enjoy today's episode and maybe you want to support the podcast, head over to patreon.com slash adeptus Ridiculous, where you get access to the discord, bloops if they happen. $15 tier gets you access to all of our posters in crispy digital form. It's great. You should check it out. Patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. Bricky, how's it going? I've returned and I will be here for a very short period of time. I've flown back home on Saturday.

I am leaving on Wednesday and I will be gone until June. I will do my best to hop on and do the great recordings with you lovely people when I can. But for the time being, I, y'all will do the damnedest is a whole time. But also, you should go check out the merch at the orchidate.com. It's a cool place where some of the merch and it's lovely. And then it's a good slat. Don't you get a slice of something. Be be be be.

What song are you doing there? I just a high pitched accent. That was not a song. Oh. Oh. I get the particular for the guy. I'm just a dog of wisdom, right? See, I'm kind of hoping that like the last episode you guys all did was like really good and serious.

And then and then I'm back to like bring it back down to reality. There goes gravity. Well, I mean, last episode we just converted everyone to Nergal, so, you know. Yep, yep, full indoctrination. It went really well. It was excellent. Oh, was this the, one's on board now? Was this the, uh, the shy episode of her being like, y'all don't get it?

No, I was just Kiryoth telling me how cool Nergel was. Pretty much. Yeah, you know. So we got pretty much and nah. Gotcha. Hell yeah. But no. I was just aware of you.

Terry. Keep sending those checks shy. Keep sending the check. damn it. You know, considering how the death guard codex is looking right now, she's in the right because holy hell is Nergles blessings generous this year. Hell yeah, brother. Let's go.

It's good stuff. It looks very, very good. It's all right. They'll be dethroned by the new Space Wars Codex when that comes out. So. Silk of life. Maybe. Dan, that death guard codex looks good, though.

But yeah, Curiath, you've returned, obviously, because I'm out and about doing crazy stuff. What you got for us this week? Okay. I'm not going to tell you what universe we're in. If you don't get it immediately from this quote, then all hope is lost and there's just no, there's just no way forward for us, okay? Can I ask a quick question? I'm going to ruin everything. Can I just a quick question before we get into it? Go on. Does the quote have God in it? In a manner of speaking.

I think I might, I think I'm with DK in this one. go ahead and get us the quote. In the name of Allah, the compassionating, the compassionate. Yep, there you go. So,

just with that small chunk of that quote, since Brickie is flown in to plug the merch and then has to fly out again, which, well, yeah, classic, so classic.

You can probably guess what we're going to talk about Trench Crusade related, just from that small chunk, right? Wait, So can you repeat it? I'm sorry. It's literally the first few words.

There's a whole paragraph. But in the name of Aller the Compassionating, the Compassionate, praise be to Aller the Beneficient King. Oh, okay. Wait, wait, hold on. Are we doing the... This is Trench Crusade. This is the Middle Eastern... Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to remember the name. The... Yeah, you told us what the name of them are, but... Like, Sultanites or something? The Sultanite. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's not.

That's not what they're called, but, okay, that's like, that bastion is so cool. It's excellent. So we're going to talk about the great sultanate of the invincible iron wall of the two horns that pierce the sky, otherwise known as the iron sultanate. And as Shai put in, Potsam did not put what torture it was to write this script. I did, I did most of it. And then I said to Possum, please, please help, because I am actually dying. See, I'm quite familiar with the Catholic Christian side of the trench crusade.

I'm not that familiar with the subject matter of the Iron Sultanate, because whilst it's another Abrahamic religion, it's like the Muslim Islamic side of things. And yes, we literally involved a professor of Islamic studies because there's references to things that I just don't know. And you control Wikipedia all you like, but at some point you have to go, am I getting this correct?

Because it's a real thing, you know? When it comes to things like 40K and age of sigma, it's just like, it's a fantasy, it's kind of, it's just out there, right? It can be whatever it wants. But Trench Crusade is full of real world historical references and religions and cultures. And so might have gone a little bit overboard

on the due diligence on this one. And it took so long. so, so long. I was dreaming about this script at one point. It was bad. However, Oh, yeah. I mean,

the professor was all in favor, kind of. His response to the picture of the trench witch was to just go, come on, man. The artillery witch even. Oh, oh, the artillery witch. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, listen, the fact that we can involve a professor of Islamic studies is also, is very fun. It's also extremely possum-coded. to have a professor of Islamic studies. And on call. Just on call, just available for the time being. And thirdly, man, I didn't understand like the Bible.

I was, I don't even think I could know where to start with this one. But like, I'm at least curious because that wall is really cool. It is excellent. So the iron sultanate, it's a Muslim state. It's the largest and most prominent Islamic nation in the state. setting of Trench Crusade, and it's a direct continuation of the Sultanate of Rome, a real-world Muslim state that existed from 1077 until 1308, in various forms. But in Trench Crusade, the act of ultimate heresy, you know, when the Templars messed

with something that they absolutely should not have messed with, that happens in 1099. So the branching off from like real to in-universe happens really early in the Sultanate's existence, and Possum has gone and done a bit of verification and got the Islamic Studies professors take, and he suggests looking into this yourself, but there's some significance here of it being the first crusade that it branches off from and not the second. The Crusades, obviously, pretty horrific. You don't need to be particularly well read when it comes to history to know that. And the first crusade's goal was to reclaim Jerusalem in the name of the Pope. Jerusalem has been through, you know, a few different sets of hands over the years,

but the first crusade concluded after a massive siege on Jerusalem, and it was successful in 1099, where the crusaders essentially just killed everyone in the city. And a lot of the sources at this sort of time are lost and fairly hyperbolic, but it seems like the Crusaders didn't really care who was in the city at that point. It was just, were you here when we arrived? Yes, congratulations. Here's a sword. And it was bad, real bad. So that's kind of where the point of divergence is significant. So in 1099, the Crusaders held a very strategic military point in Jerusalem and a very religiously significant point, and there was a lot of separation in the Muslim world at that time.

There were conflicts between the vast majority of major players in the Muslim world, while others were strongly unified, specifically like the Sultanate of Rome, which is the iron sultanate, like what it's based off and is a continuation of. So there's not a lot of written history for this time, and there is an idea where there's a strong, like a strong sense. amongst historians that the reason for a lack of unification was due to the fact that the way the crusaders were organised, they weren't really realised as an actual threat. It kind of took things by surprise, so to speak. So when Jerusalem was taken, when it was conquered by the crusaders,

the Pope who ordered it, died before he even knew about it. So the city was taken and the guy who gave the order was gone. Nice. Also, I love our Canaan and Trench Crusade map. It's so good. It's like, it's like, this like vomit of various, of like insane amounts of text and strange images. And it makes like no sense to me at all.

And I like, and that's why I'm like, damn, this is badass. I also, I also like the, the serpents in the water that I'm assuming. have not been described yet. Oh, yeah. One's a bird and one's a fish. Not heard anything about those yet. I mean, they could just be decoration, but it's trench crusade. So hopefully it's not, especially because if you're looking the top right,

Baba Jagas hut is just wandering around. And I want her to be in it. That's so true. It's just up. It's how it's moving castle. But it's, it's, I want that to be a thing that's, in the game. I'm just throwing it out that.

It has to be, right? There's got to be, you can't just throw that on the map and be like, yeah, we're not going to talk about this. I enjoy also like, just you look at all these things on the bottom right. You're like, oh, look,

it's Beaselbub. It's, oh, look, it's Beelbub. Yeah, Beelbub is right there, right next to Jerusalem. What a guy. Yeah, in the domain of Ammon. Yeah. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Brother. Wow. Let's go on a road trip. All right. So the dude, the dude pissed off. Yes, so Pope Urban Nesethan died two weeks after Jerusalem was conquered, and he died before he even knew that it had been successfully carried out.

His successor, Pascal II, formulated the Crusade of 1101, and this caused a huge amount of disarray due to it being a multi-pronged attack on the various major ununified aspects of the Muslim world at that time. and that just carried on for hundreds of years because the Crusades. But in the world of Trench Crusade, that didn't happen. The ultimate heresy occurred the same year the Crusaders captured Jerusalem. So the Iron Sultanate, they've got their own unique troops and technologies with a heavy focus on alchemy, complete with fun little homunculus dudes and also huge, terrifying homunculus dudes. but one of the biggest defining features of the iron sultanate is that they are protected by the iron wall

or the great iron wall, and I really hope I'm pronouncing this correctly, of zorkarine. So it's an absolutely colossal fortification, tens of thousands of kilometers long, and it completely encircles the iron sultanate and protects it from the forces of hell. In the brief and incomplete timeline of the Trench Crusade, the wall has a different name, but we'll get to that in a minute. An important thing to note before we go into this is that they did not build the wall. They've got a wall. They've got a massive wall. They didn't build it.

And that's fairly key. Oh. Okay. Are you going to tell us who did? Yeah, I was going to say, like, you can see it on the wall. the map and I was like, well, they must have built this because hell is right there. And of course, you would want a natural barrier from hell. So you'd want to build a very structurally sound wall to protect you. They didn't build it? Nope. They did not. So the real world inspiration for the

wall of Zorkhanine, or in this case, I guess more like prophecy for it, is that there is a leader of the same name that can be found in the Quran. So the translation of the name is the owner of two horns. And they travel to the east and to the west and set up a barrier constructed with iron sheets and covered with copper to hold back Gog and Magog. So Gog and Magog are names that appear in the Bible and the Quran and they're kind of nebulous in that they seem to refer to various different things. It could be tribes, it could be individual people, it could be land. So in the Quran itself, the verses explain how Zulkanin is travelling east and finds people who are being tormented by Gog and Magog and was told to make a choice to either show them kindness or punish them.

They said they would assist those people so long as they provided assistance as well, so there was a wall constructed that was unable to be penetrated by Gog and Magog. But this is done with the express knowledge that it's only temporary. At some point, Gog and Magog will eventually be released. from behind this barrier, and that will mark the beginning of the end of the world. There are a ton of different interpretations as to what Gog and McGog are, and it varies across all the Abrahamic religion, so Judaism, Christianity and Islam, all three Abrahamic, because they all focus initially on Abraham as being the first prophet, but then everything after

that tends to be a little bit different. So, you know, whether Jesus was the son of God or whether he was just another significant profit. Those things vary depending on which you're reading. But the key part is that the Quran tells how the end of the world will be signalled by the release of Gog and the Gog from behind that barrier put in place by Zorkarine. So something that's kind of interesting about this historically is that there's a few different people who have been identified as Zorkarine in the real world. with one of them being Alexander the Great,

which interacts with the idea of Gog and McGog. It's a lot. Are you starting to see why this was something of an undertaking once I started writing this thing? I'm sorry, but like this might be incredibly offensive to some of our people, but every time you say Gog and Magog, I keep thinking gork and morgue. I'll be honest. Yeah.

I can. It's, there may have, Who knows? Maybe someone in Games Workshop read it and was like, that would actually be kind of cool to implement. I mean, they got their ideas from everywhere and anywhere, right? So it's not outside the realm of possibility, I suppose. No. I was going to say G-dub is kind of known for taking their inspirations from everywhere else, right? So it's not in the realm of, it's in the realm of possibility that they did. There's just, there's some, there's some goofy stuff. It shouldn't be that offensive as Gogamag or not good guy.

That's true. Yes, they're like the herald of the end of the world. Would that be offensive to orcs then? Because like, Gork and Mork are the best guys. Anyway, moving on. And frequently, orcs bring about the end of world. It's true. With the, with the notes and the red string.

The Pepe Sylvia. Yeah, that's the look. Yes, yes. Okay, all right, I'm small what you're stepping in. So one of the kind of interpretations as to who Zorkarine is, is Alexander the Great. And there is a guy called Josephus, who lived in the first century and talks about a legend where Alexander builds a wall as a mountain pass to stop an invasion by a group known as the Scythians. And if we look at the official map for the trench crusade, you will note that there is, a banner on said map

which is above the wall and it's above a pass full of mountains says Georgia and then above that there is a banner that reads Scythians so in Trench Crusade at least it looks like

that might be the kind of the in-universe canon in as much as they're likely to confirm that side of things and remember earlier when I said the wall has got a different name in the timeline. In the timeline of the law primer, it's the wall of Iscandar, which reemerges and is fortified against the heretics. And historically, Iscandar is another name for Alexander the Great.

So when we're talking Trench Crusade only, it feels kind of likely that that might be the interpretation that they're going for, because you've got the great, you've got the iron wall, You've got Alamut just outside it. Then you've got Georgia and then you've got Scythians right above that. Okay. So this is the real world inspiration for our wall. I don't mean to be rude, but the real world wall has significantly fewer giant cannons. It's not as cool.

No, I would say that the Transcrucet won bogs this one, as the kids say. Oh. And like, I don't know. It also doesn't seem to have the enormous. statues of deities in the front of the giant walls. Oh, I've got, I've got news for you that we will talk about in more detail later, but those aren't statues. Oh.

Oh, boy. Oh, are they going to, am I going to pull agro with them, like an Eldon Ring character, and then they're going to stand up, and then I'm like, oh. Oh, hell yeah. They are very impressive literal gatekeepers, which, yeah, we'll get through the moment, but they are, yeah, they're not statues. They will ruin your day and the day of pretty much

anything else around them, funnily enough. Damn, they're gatekeeping and girl bossing. Oh, no. Anyway, they're doing the word. If you're going to bring a magging, right? We're all to blame, to be fair. So if we go back to the important iron wall situation, There was a direct quote from the law primer

that kind of explains how the iron sultanate were capable of protecting themselves from the forces of hell. So you know what? Actually, I'm going to copy paste the sin. D.K., could you do the honors for us? Of course I could. When the infidels opened the thrice cursed gate of Yohannam, releasing the Gog and Magog upon those who believe, it seemed that all was lost and Shaitan would emerge victorious over Dunya.

Sorry about the pronunciations, by the way. But the creator of the universe came to the aid of the faithful. And as had been written, the great iron wall of Dool Al-Quaan-N-I. I should have warned you, that's Zul-Kar-9. So it's not written how it's pronounced. Wait, that's Z-S. Say it, I guess? Yes. Zul-Kar-9.

Zul-Kan. Okay. manifested itself in the lands ruled by the Sultan of Ruhn, a call was sent to those who believe righteously, and over the coming decades, the migration of all the faithful, second in importance only to the Hizra of the prophet himself, took place across Europe, Asia, and Africa. Millions perished on the road and at the sea, for the heretics and their Shaitan lords swarmed them as locust swarm fields of ripe sesame. devouring them and building vile monuments and statues from their limbs and heads,

so they could not be buried as is decreed in the holy text. But once all those who survived the journey had come, the mighty gates of Al-Karnan were closed, and the great sultanate of the invincible iron wall of the two horns that pierced the sky was formed. That's a mouthful. There's a lot in that. There are words there. I will elaborate on some of those words. So, Jehannum is basically hell. There's also kind of

specifically can be used to refer to just the uppermost layer of hell. But when we're talking in the context of this, basically the gate to hell was opened. Shaitan also known as Iblis is the leader of devils, who according to the Quran was chucked out of heaven for refusing to prostrate himself before Adam. Dunya is best viewed as the realm that is physical and material. So essentially where we are now as opposed to the afterlife. Hizra was the journey that the Prophet Muhammad took from Mecca to Medina. Something that's super interesting about this section is the kind of specific mention of devouring the faithful and building monuments out of their bodies and stuff.

and it states, like, so they could not be buried as is decreed in the holy text, that's because there are some, like, very specific funeral rights when it comes to Islamic funerals. So, like, washing the deceased with heated water, shrouding them with a simple white cloth called the caffan, being buried ideally within 24 hours of death, like specific placement of the deceased within the grave so that the head is facing Mecca, there are specific rights involved with all of that and the heretics seemingly went out of their way to ensure that those rights could not be carried out. The biggest thing out of all of that, though,

is the fact that the Great Iron Wall of Zorkarine literally appeared out of nowhere fully constructed. So they didn't build it. It wasn't like a long-term project and they didn't have to get planning permission. It just was there. It has been there ever since. I like how you say planning permission, like that at all is relevant in like 1905 in this scenario.

Like, that's, that's the British coming out, man. You're already talking about permits in a wall to hell. It's, okay, I can't, I mean, I don't think this is a reference to the, like, my first thought was, it was like the conspiracy theory that aliens made the pyramids. And like these, these, like, the giant wall, it just arrived. that's it. You know, no one knows. Woo. How did they build it? This time they actually just didn't.

So I guess conspiracy proved correct. But it just appears out of nowhere, just in a blink just then it was there? Yep, it's just there. Huh. Huh, indeed. Pretty impressive. So it's like, it's basically the Templars opened the gate to hell in Jerusalem in 1099. things are awful for like 10 years

and then a giant wall manifest around the sultanate of room in 1109 and then when the last faithful get behind the wall the gates close the iron sultanate is now a thing it basically looks like if you sort of take the law primary phase value it sort of looks like God took one look at what the Templars had done

and then looked over to the sultanate and went this wasn't your fault you didn't start this you can have like a 600 year head start you know for the apocalypse to come interesting strange

so has has has wall the walls never been penetrated by outside forces demons hell this is pretty much your perfect defense nothing's getting through this there's no demon that has ever even come

close to making a breach on this wall it is functionally invincible. So it's warm to the touch because there's magma that runs through it. And despite, it's ridiculous. It's insane. Despite being bombarded by heretic artillery for centuries,

the surface is completely untarnished. It's also not like ugly. The surface is studded with gemstones. So at night it lights up with like colors and artistry and stuff. It's never fallen. The gates have never fallen. never been breached, and on the very, very rare occasion where a weapon of hell has managed to crack the surface, that molten, like, metal and magma inside has poured out, killing whoever was nearby,

and then the wall has just hardened itself with the lava, basically as good as new. So it's just been there from 1109. We're now in like 1914 in the Trenchcrucée universe, It's been under constant attack ever since the wall emerged, and it has not fallen at any point. And it's not just that the wall is there. They've got like garrisons of janissaries. They've got regiments. They've got Azebs, who are there kind of conscripted sharpshooters and the like. They've also got things like the Taqwin creations, although in the law primary it says Taqwin creations from the House of Wisdom.

Taquin means creation. So it's the creation creations, I guess, which are artificial life forms. They were invented. There's a figure called Jabir in Hyan, who was a Muslim alchemist in the real world and wrote a whole thing referring to the creation of synthetic life, including human life. there was a massive explosion of this stuff during the Islamic golden age and there are, I think there's something like, where was it? Yes, 600 works attributed to Chabir of which about 200 are still around. So again, it's another reference to, you know, actual real historical figures placed into the Trench Crusade universe. Damn.

Seems like Trench Crusade really did their homework on real world references and, I mean, faiths in general, right? Doesn't, doesn't the creator guy, like, doesn't he have, like, a really long history with, like, the Christian, all the kind of stuff? Like, I thought I remember, I thought I remember something about the creator having, like, a lot of history with that kind of thing. And so he's like, yeah, I believe so, yeah. Very, very well versed. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's, it's, like, specific and, and related for the different religions or all nations. that they cover. So like Ashai mentioned, the fact that

there was the European geneticist, and then they built kind of the idea of cloning Christ out of that. And then with the Sultanate, they've got alchemy, because there was a focus of that on, like a focus on that during the Islamic Golden Age.

There's loads of really cool, specific stuff. And we're kind of like blasting through it a bit, so that we're not talking for three hours. But it goes, it goes very deep. For like every paragraph or so that I'm kind of explaining or that we're talking about, there is more that we're kind of skimming over.

They properly go into it and they like the references all check out if that makes sense. Also based on the images that I'm seeing of the various like of all the Sultan, it's like everything I see in Trench Crusade, these are the most normal looking sons of bitches I've seen so far. They are surprisingly well adjusted. They look like soldiers. That's about it. They're not that crazy.

They're not that crazy. They've got a couple of freaks, but they're, they're kind of infantry and the like are relatively, like, relatively normal. I mean, this, this just looks like, like regular old soldiers. I mean, they got like a couple like scriptures and stuff on them. Like, that's not that abnormal. I'm looking at, okay, I mean, that dude's kind of strange. But even, even that. It's not that weird.

He's just like a big dude with a big gun. Like, no, there's no snipers gouging their eyes out and being like, God, take this bullet. Well, about that. Okay, well, that guy's a little bit big, I'll be honest. But he's a bit big, but he's still not like, he's still not that freaky. Like, we don't have, like, the dude curled in the fetal position in the stomach of the dude, you know? That's, that's true. Uh, what a, uh, how little...

He's a little bit like nailed into his eyes. We'll get to these guys in a sec, because they're like the weirdest side of the, of the Sultanate. But before we get into that, there is a fairly important question, which I see brought up quite a lot, which is the question of, do the Ein Sultanate and the church get on? Like, do they approve of each other? Funnily enough, yes and no, because there's obviously a fairly real and real. present looming threat in the form of an actual invasion from actual hell, which you know, you can't be too picky about your allies in that situation. So an all-out war between the two would be a bit mad. But they have an understanding. Like they both need to fight against the

heretics in order to survive. But there's definitely resentment. The sultanate is resentful towards the church because it was Christian crusaders in the form of the Templars who messed with things they... Yeah, like they messed with stuff they shouldn't have messed with unleashed Gog and Magog and started a horrific war that's been going on for like 800 years. So whilst

they don't, you know, go at each other's throats, if a sultanate company comes across an equivalent force from the church and there are disagreements or arguments, at that point, it's time to duel to the death. You want the thing that they're coming here for to either get out of the way or die, pretty much.

which, to be fair, I, I can see why you would hold that position. Oh, yeah. If you're in the Sultanate, like, absolutely. I can understand why if the forces of hell were not involved, you would just be like, yeah, no, we're not friends. We're going to, you know, we're both looking for something. We're both here. I can totally understand why they would just.

I mean, I mean, it's like, allies of convenience is the thing that makes the most sense in this situation. me like I mean hell is remind me and I apologize but like Jerusalem is where everything's coming out of right the big portal yes okay yeah and so it's just does hell ever just kind of get like because I'm not quite sure how big free thinkers are of hell I know that the heretic legions aren't like that insane well no I want to go that far but you know what I mean yeah the I mainly think to myself like okay it's right there does hell like people from hell just get out of the portal they look to their right and they're like, there's that goddamn wall again. And they just like,

they just like, all right. And they just like go to the left instead. Because like I imagine at some point they just kind of give up or they're just like demons of hell and they just never stop. So the like the vast majority of hell's forces are mortal. They're they are heretics. Their fallen humanity. A full third of of people fell to to essentially hell worship when the portal was opened and everything went all. awful, and the lands around Jerusalem, like on the official map where you've got that kind of horrible grey wasteland sections, those are areas that are effectively colonised by hell. So there might be actual towns and villages and places that are under hell's rule,

but still populated by humanity. And that's where, you know, you get a lot of your heretic troopers. You also get a lot of the wretches, the ones who were just forced to fight no matter what. the ones who, if they, you know, kill someone important on the other side, they own their freedom. So, like, it's a lot of kind of, I guess, like, hostile occupation, I think is the right phrase for it, by hell. But the vast majority of their forces and their armies are, are mortal people that really want to, really want to see the world burn, literally. and if they're coming out of Jerusalem and if they're in the main area that is

under hell to control yeah they have effectively got a hostile power essentially on their right all the time protected by something that they can't penetrate which I mean that's got to get that's got to get irritating

that's got to get annoying for some of like the devil lords and the like who are just going we could have this entire continent basically but that is still there. Please do something about it. And the answer is, we've been trying.

It's been 800 years. What do you want from me? It won't go down. We can't do anything. Yeah. And like Shai said, there is the iron wall on the right, and then you turn to the left, and there's New Antioch, and it's like, well,

they don't exactly love us, and they're putting up quite the fight. And maybe this is why hell doesn't rule the world yet, because, man, they sure do. They are surrounded by bad, mother, fuckers. Yep. All the artillery in the world for a start.

Like the iron wall is covered in artillery and sharpshooter nests and there's barracks all along it and there's the massive dude standing outside the gate. Like that by itself is a nightmare to have to go anywhere near. And then, yeah, you've got New Antioch as well, which is just a bastion of the most, just insane hardest people in the world brewing it because it's just an, island in the middle of hostile territory and they're still there. Imagine being surrounded by that and being like, yeah, I guess New Antioch is our best bet. Me sitting here with my boss baby t-shirt on being like, it's like Hedia.

Well, not really, but yeah, sure. That's true. It's still standing. It's still not. Oh, no. Self-burn. Ha-ha. Damn, that's true.

You're the guardian. Me doing that selfie image of the guy smiling in the camera, but like you see in the background of the mirror, he's like holding a gun to his head. That's you're going to do the grave thing, but it's like you holding the camera thumbs up next to the grave. The grave has your face on it. Obama putting the metal around his own neck. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, so let's talk about some of the units of the island you talk about.

They've got some cool stuff. The first thing is the Janissaries. And again, I feel like for almost everything, we need like a historical context section. So in the real world, Janissary was a member of the elite infantry of the Ottoman Sultan's troops. And this is one of those things where actual history is arguably on par with the nightmare that is Trench Crusade, since real world Janissaries were made by taking primarily European Christian boys from the Balkans as a blood tax, converting them to Islam, and then incorporating them into the Ottoman. army.

European Christian boys as a blood tax, huh? Yep. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Currioth? Look, I'm just, that's what it says on the thing.

Kriots, like, I didn't write it. Why was me? I didn't look at me. Listen, he's European. He could be one of those boys. He's a European Christian boy. I'm not from the Balkans, though, so I'm all right. No, true, true.

Just escaped it. So, Trench Crusade has taken some aspects of this. So while the Januszos of the Iron Sultanate are obviously nothing to do with the in this world non-existent Ottoman Empire, they are still elite warriors, they're still raised from childhood, and they're still not given any choice because they are children who have been captured during raids beyond the wall. However, as we did just discuss, there's a lot of hell-occupied territory just outside the walls of the Iron Sultanate. So it could well be that a source of the children that they kidnap and then raise to be their finest soldiers

are coming from heretic forces. So does that make it morally correct? I don't know. But that's what they tend to go for. They have like super intense martial training. They're indoctrinated from an early age because of course they are. And there is a line in the law primer that sums up just how that works where it's through spiritual and alchemical means bound by chains unseen, their minds are carefully conditioned until they attain a complete and unwavering loyalty to the Sultan and to him alone. So, nice bit of brainwashing going on there as well. Yep, indoctrination is indeed the right word for this. Yeah, yep, good old child soldiers, a staple of all the best grim, dark universes.

Please note the sarcasm and curious voice, by the way. I'm assuming there's going to be a boss baby moment in a second, but it's not just that. It's not just that, obviously. They're stronger and faster than normal humans due to taking elixirs made through the mystic Jiberian arts, and their armour is made from a metallic formula that the Alca Magi of the Sultanate have learned from experimenting on the iron wall itself, and they get protection from talismans. this is the most insane sentence that I've I've I will read this year I think

they have protection granted by talismans made by blind thermaturgists from the school of the meteoric omen yeah that's like a new sentence like that has not been said before yeah that's literally never before I'm not saying it I'm not saying no I'm not either I got I got my boss baby moment already I I was just going to say I I thought it was very cool that their armor was made specifically because they're like, oh yeah, this wall has been literally

keeping out demons for 800 some odd years. Why don't we study the wall and why don't we make armor that's as close to the wall as we can because what better thing to make armor out of? I think that's pretty dope. It's cool. It's really fun.

It's obviously harder than your standard armor and it's a lot more. I think it's heavier as well, but that doesn't matter. because they're stronger and faster than normal humans, thanks to the elixas that they drink. Shai is absolutely desperate for someone to say... Do they hide...

Do they hide in metal boxes? There you go, Shire. All right, we said it. We did it. Yeah, they can't be space marines. They're too cool. And they're not in space. They're not Marines either.

Yeah, not Marines either, so... I got to be honest. I think we're losing the plot here. I don't think these guys are like space marines at all. No, way, totally. Like, why would you want us to say that,

shy? Weird, weird, but okay. So weapons-wise, sorry, their masks are sick. They really are.

They're great. They look awesome. So, like, weapons-wise, they're armed with jet sail rifles, which it's a type of long, barreled,

muzzle-loading musket, which is accurate at longer ranges than other examples of that kind of technology. I think heavily used in Afghanistan, but I forget which war it was. There's hand mortars and Yatagan blades, which is a type of sword. Slightly curved sword, basically. They are the elite.

They are loyal to the Sultan, and there are entire, like, regiments of them placed along the wall so that if something does get close, they can run out, beat the hell out of it, and then, literally, and then go back behind the wall again. they are awesome because of the style of them. I think they're some of the most striking things they've got for Transcrucide and they're very different to the Christian stuff as well. I don't know if it matters, but is the mask depicting anything or is it just like, oh yeah, this is just sort of a fierce visage

that they just think is cool? Or is it like a deity or, oh, okay. Also, Woodstock lovers are absolutely gooning right now because that it's okay maybe I mean don't be wrong none of us know anything about guns from our bolster episode

that became quite clear however I know I know people I know enough about people who do like guns and there are some people out there who see like a nice wooden stalk and they're just like oh yeah craftsmanship of the olden days and it does look very cool

even if it probably is impractical it looks awesome Good at long range though. Not that impractical, although it is muzzle loading at a time where in other war bands you can take like automatic weaponry which is a little bit weird

but hey, it makes it all look you know, thematically very different. That's actually something that is kind of important about the Jez-El. The Jezelles tended to be customized

and they tended to be a bit more artistic than other like mass-produced weapons of the time that they were used in. So yeah, there was like the stocks would be kind of of inlaid with stuff, they'd be carved, they tended to be fairly unique in individual weapons, depending on the person carrying them, and they were considerably more effective at long range

than there was a specific gun that the British mass produced. There was similar technology, but the barrel was a lot shorter, so they would be firing, they would hit nothing, and then they would get wrecked from a distance because they just did not have guns that had a deep, enough range for the engagements that they're involved in. So, yeah, they're awesome. And they're used by Skaven. So as for a plus point. I was about to say, I find it hilarious because the Jazeal is a really cool looking, but also

simultaneously, the two factions that use Jazeals in Boss Baby are the Skaven, the insane rats, and the Admec. They have, they, yeah. The Admec would use that, wouldn't they? They have the, I believe, the Radium Jazeals. are one er is a phrase for it but it is the Gisales

and the Amec used them too and it's so funny that like we've got the the Middle Eastern like Sultanites in the fantasy you've got the insane like drug-addled rats

and then you have like the techno fetishists and they're all like gay damn this gun is great I would imagine the Skavens Gisales probably blow up on them

on the regular though not as not as finally crafted as the Yeah, and they look like shit as well. There's no way they're carving the stocks of their guns to look all like ornamented. It's just going to be a poop of wood with a chute strap to in it. I love that.

I'm just like, oh yeah, the functionality and form of the Skaven gun, probably not very good. Kirillow pops in, and it looks like shit too. Oh, it's sorry, the radium jazales. That's what they're called. Got it, got it. Oh, those scatven ones do look like shit, though, you're right. I mean, the Admec ones look, the Admec ones look great. And I think it's just because I'm a sucker for filigree.

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I am too. No, 100%. That is pretty cool. So, we also have, let's go into some homonculus dudes. We need to talk about some homonculus dudes because they're important. So we also have the Lions of Jabby. So the name that is cropped.

a few times already. There is, the kind of description as to how these are made is great. So in the fabled Sultan at the Iron Wall, deep beneath the golden gardens of Damascus, through the cavern of the sleeper, and past the seven gates of potentiality are the vast laboratories and metaphysical factories of the alchemists.

Using the mysterious Jiberian process called Taquin, the alchemists are able to create artificial life and produce all manner of strange, wondrous beasts and automatones to delight the masses of the soup. and grace the gardens of the Sultan. Deeper still in the darkest and most secret reaches of the alchemy complex past the seven hidden gates of actuality of the sanctums where the art and signs of Taquin

is honed to its most keen and deadly purpose. Here they make the dreaded lions of Jabir, which is a solid description. Also, a lot of use of the number seven. The number seven, to be fair, it crops up quite a bit. bit in the Quran. There's seven gates to to Jahanam or hell. There's seven heavens as well. Allah resides in the seventh sky and prayers are often told to children when they

reach the age of seven. So the whole seven gates of potentiality and the seven gates of actuality is probably just you see, you know, you see the number seven all over the shop. We will use the number seven for this, for the significance of it being like a, I guess like not a sacred number, but you know what I mean, a significant number. Yeah. Also, did I hear right that they're just above the crazy circle where they make lines? They're just making stuff that's just like, oh yeah, that'll go in the gardens, and that's just a pretty thing to look at.

Yep, yep. Just nice looking, nice looking things to make the place look good, which I feel like is a luxury that New Antioch especially does not have. But then again, it doesn't have an invincible wall either. It's true. Yeah, they don't have a self-healing invincible wall. So. Phil of magma. But yeah, the lines of Jabber is super scary.

They're proper artificial life form, a bunch of different forms. So whilst there are ones in the Trench Crusade art and like official STL slash models of them, there's loads of different types of them. It's like a catch-all to describe this type of creation. they are proficient hunters. They can absolutely ruin a heretics day and creating them is massively difficult. So each one is unique

and it's a proper masterwork of the alchemist who's making them because they have to use the knowledge of the forbidden books of Solomon, which is in itself another entire rabbit hole that I fell down for an entire day. So in the real world, King Solomon of Israel was linked to magic and sorcery

with his name attached to a book about summoning demons, which was fun. So one of the oldest magical texts is the Testament of Solomon, which it's not something that he wrote, but it's something that has been assigned to him. There's also the magical treaties of Solomon, which has specific mention of the creation of talismans and wax figures used to control and summon spirits, and there's mentions of a bunch of demons by name, some of which you can recognize in Trench Crusade. There's also the key of Solomon that talks about conjurations and curses, and the lesser key of Solomon, which specifically, specifically mentioned the goetic magic, which is what the

heretics use. So when we talked about the heretics last time we did Trench Crusade and their use of goetic magic, they just, they just are like normal. Like, like, they, I mean, like, they just, they like, as far as French crusade goes, they, they just look like classic. Like, they, they look like, somewhat well-adjusted folks. Yeah, for the most part They're just, they're just dudes

They're just relatively normal dudes I mean, I mean, don't get me wrong The lines of Javier, like, yeah Yeah, and you know, and the Brazen Bull is a bit bizarre Don't get me wrong, but like, I mean, he's also big Yeah, but I mean Yeah, proper chunky I must admit, I am, we haven't covered

the Jaberian alchemist, have we? Because I'm a little curious Not yet, we're just about to Okay, good, because Bomba Yeah, They're just as mad as the rest of it. Oh, they've got all sorts of things. They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they love melting them some heretic flesh with odd elixas.

So I, I, I, I, I love the masks in this army. All the masks are so sick, man. Yeah, they look awesome. I really like just the overall, the overall, the overall design of the armor as well. It's very, it's very, it's kind of, it's fun, but it's still fairly functional. But there's. a lot of ornamentation that you don't really get with with like the Catholic forces. They just tend to just nail stuff like crosses to everything, whereas it feels like the

iron sultanate have got a lot more artistry and care in what they're, in what they're creating. But so just to finish off the lines of Jabber, there's, you know, there's a bunch of different types of them. They can have armor plating attached to them. They'll have talismans and things and seals that protect them from harm, super fast, super dangerous. They are also usually in a lot of pain. When they're being created, there's like infinite different possibilities for them, and they end up malformed quite often, so they end up suffering quite a bit during their lives. But it could be worse, because they could be created with human level intelligence, and they just have a permanent existential dread because they know they're unnatural freaks,

which isn't great, but there is a way around that. So the two big lads that we saw standing outside the wall, the really chunky ones, they are kind of like the Lions of Jabby. They've created in a similar way, but they are absolutely gigantic. They can rip heretic tanks in half with like a single swipe of their claws, and they spend their time questioning travellers to the Sultanate with like riddles and queries to expose heretics who are trying to sneak in. They are also extremely intelligent.

So they know that they are soulless and artificial. So they have the whole existential crisis thing going on. But to sort of pass the time, they talk about philosophy, they discuss the nature of love and existence, they recite and create poetry for each other, and they talk about past battles, and they are created in pairs partially for that reason to comfort each other as they're racked with existential dread

all day, every day. Wait, that's actually sick as hell, though. Yeah. At first I thought they were kind of sphinx-coded with like the riddles and the seeking out non-believers and stuff, but... Geez. I got to be honest.

I think that's sick as hell. I love the idea that these giant lions are like, holy hell, it's so weird, like not having a soul or like being real. Also, by the way, random traveler, like, answer my riddles three. Like, that's just suit. And then if you don't answer it, he just like puts his hand and just pancakes you into a fucking paste. Like, what a, what a badass unit. Holy hell. Yeah.

It is a very cool concept for sure. Yeah. and their ability to protect the gates from like a proper, like when I say a proper threat, like heretics trying to sneak in, that's obviously a threat, but it's having that mix of not just intelligence, but emotional intelligence and the ability to pick up a tank and throw it at someone. Like there's something very gentle about talking about poetry and discussing the nature of love, but also being able to go, that's a heretic tank. I'm going to throw it at that heretic tank over there.

and then just go back to your day. Maybe talk about it in next week. But there's just so many different like bits of it. Those are normal people beneath that dude, right? Yeah. Also, those are just normal guys. Also, I love how I opened up that image from Discord and its title is big boys guarding wall.jpg. And you know what?

No lies detected. Like that. Yeah. Those are big. I have to reference my favorite I have to reference my favorite tweets which is, I'm going to watch the thing for the first time

and I'm going to find a better name for this damn movie. Damn, never mind, that really do be a thing. That is the thing. Like this, yeah,

those really do be two big boys guarding a wall. Damn. No lies detected. Yep. That's sick. That's super fascinating. I did not think of,

I did not at all think of it would be that way. Yeah, they're great. I love, I just, I love those so much. So we've also got the Jaberian Alchemist, and again, these are battlefield mystics and artificers, and they're schooled in hidden knowledge gained from the Smarigdine tablet, which is also known as the Emerald tablet, a cryptic, hermetic text, again, a real thing. So hermetic texts tend to cover a lot of different subjects, astrology, alchemy, magic, medicine. There is some, like, properly ancient ones floating around, but they got copied a lot during the Middle Ages with the most

famous one being the Smarikdin slash Emerald Tablet, which is kept in the House of Wisdom, which real world historical context time again was known as the Grand Library of Baghdad in the real world, one of the largest public libraries in the Islamic Golden Age, which presumably in Trench Crusade, it's like it's still standing tall in Baghdad. In the real world, it was destroyed in the 1200s when the Mongolian. invaded. No one really knows how many books were there when the siege happened, but it is known that hundreds of thousands of manuscripts were rescued. So again, we've got like a direct real-world thing, take it out, put in Trench Crusade. It's still going strong there, though.

And it's where the alchemists learn how to do insane things. So they have to go through a bunch of trials before they become masses of the art. They study for seven years, there's that number again, and only at that point are they allowed to try the three trials required for full membership. So first, they've got to create a suit of alchemist's armour, which is covered in seals of Solomon. There's that name again, so they can bend creation to their will, and it shields them from hell. Secondly, they've got to create a taquin servant, a little homunculus mate, to help with creating, and, you know, probably creating more weird little freaks. That takes 40 days, and if they succeed, they get a little humanoid cremate.

fine motor skills that can alter the consistency of its body to liquid so it can get into places with extreme heat to do the alchemist bidding. However, if it fails, it comes out a horrible monstrosity that's super angry, it will then burrow into the alchemist body and wear their skin as a coat. So, you know, could be bad, could be good, could be bad. Oh, that's, you better, you better study for this because yikes. You've got to be real sure you've got it right. 40 days of non-stop work and then you just get your insides eaten. Not great. Not a great way to go.

That's a lot of effort for a very disappointing end. Finally, providing the Alchemist has succeeded on the first two trials and is not currently being used as a piece of stylish outerware, they have to open their third eye, which allows them to see the building blocks of creation, which is quite an upgrade. I wouldn't mind one of them, honestly, being able to see the building blocks of creation. That's pretty good. I was going to say, that's why the mask has the third eye engraved on it, huh? Yep, you've got to be able to know what you're messing with when you're creating your odd alchemical elixies. They can mess that up as well, by the way. If they mess it up, the third eye swells horrifically.

It melds with their original eyes, and they go mad as they deform and start screaming at the the horrors that have been revealed to them. Now, don't you dare cheat on your test. Don't even try it. Don't even consider it. To be fair to Transcrucade, most of those ones, they get put down out of pity.

So at least they're not being left like that. But apparently some of them are left like that and kept around for reasons that we probably don't want to think about. But, oh, no. If it all goes to plan, you end up with a fully fledged Giberian alchemist who can control

fire and ice, they can create mechanical devices and artificial life and hugely powerful weapons. They get to do basically whatever they like alchemy-wise and in exchange they supply the sultanate with lines of Jabir and they serve on the front lines

where they get to throw like alchemical stuff at heretics and melt their skin off. So everybody wins really. Yeah, except the heretics. They lose every time. Well, naturally. I mean, it is a heretic nature to lose.

He didn't answer the, the laden speed of a swallow. And then the big lion turned you into the dust. The alchemical folks are pretty cool. That's pretty neat. Oh, yeah, I really like the alchemist.

Like their drip, how they become an alchemist, their silly little guy. They're really cool. They're really dope. Yeah. I mean, this, this fashion is got some of the coolest units. They've just got some really interesting stuff. And it's kind of fun when it's

when you compare the normal guys to things like the huge giganto dudes guarding the gate. It's just, here's a guy with a gun, and also here's a giant monstrosity. They're in the same faction, and they're absolutely on the same side, and they are completely different. Like, the

main troops are the Azebs, and they are just your standard infantry. Azeb means unmarried. So if you've got a family, you're out of luck, although in this case, out of look, means not going to fight against hell. So maybe you're not out of look after all. Maybe you're in luck.

Maybe you're in luck. The Azebs are raised from all over the sultanate, where one household out of 20 is required to equip a soldier for war and send them off to murder heretics in the name of the faithful. And there's constant missions into no man's land. The Sultan basically goes, we need volunteers, and there's plenty of Azebs who answer the call because no man's land is where glory is, and it's where the loot is. They tend to carry Jezales, simiters, daggers, pistols, loads of different options they've got.

They don't get much in the way of armour because they are like light skirmishes. And it doesn't really matter that much, because if they die for their faith, paradise is theirs. So, you know, who needs armour? I gotta be honest If I was here I would never want to I would never want to leave the walls I know

Knowing that literal hell is right on my doorstep I'm like nope I am not built It feels like they're making the best of it though It feels like they're making the best of it overall They are man So if you if you're going into No Man's Land You need a captain

And the pronunciation of this I was unable to definitively find out how to pronounce this. So I'm going to say, you're spasi, I could be completely incorrect. I'm going to put it in the chat. You can,

you can just, you know, you can, oh, that bird's got, that bird's got tits. Yep. What the hell, man.

Did it sure do. That's creepy out face, too. Explain yourself. Right now. He's just got a nice little serf bird thing. Every, every, everything else on this character.

it looks so badass and then you get the bird with tits. Yeah. And it's staring into my soul. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't love its face. Yeah. Oh my God. So this, this is a little bit underwhelming compared to a lot of the stuff that we've, that we've talked about because I didn't know what this meant. And I, I was like, possum, any chance.

And possum had a bit of a look. And from, from what, from what, from what. some could tell, and having looked again myself as well, it would appear that Yusbasi means captain. So the direct translation is captain, which given that the unit name is Yusbasi captain, it's basically just he's a captain captain. Oh, like, like, tri-tee? Yeah, yeah. It's, it's just basically the same word twice in different languages. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, garlic aoli? alien does not mean garlic no but it inherently has

garlic in it like that's one of the Oh sure okay Oh gotcha Okay that now I understand Yeah These guys they are They are properly It's all meritocracy

They are selected 100% on merit No Napo babies allowed The Sultanate doesn't care Whether they're like rich Poor noteworthy whatever If you are a of a lunatic you are in. So they also get their bodies enhanced by the alchemists and their minds are conditioned by the mystics. So they are hard as nails. They do not find heritage scary,

which is good, but also bad because it means that they don't really care about being in pain and have absolutely no issue spending life for a victory. Civilian casualties aren't a regrettable loss. They're just sort of a necessary step on the path to a big win, which is arguably not the best attitude, but that's the kind of attitude that these guys have got. They're armoured with suits made from meteoric iron, solid, and carry swords that belonged to past heroes of the Sultanate, and the blades are like inscribed with their deeds. So if these guys serve well, their deeds then get inscribed on the blades as well. So they're basically just carrying the history of like various people's personal wars or personal contributions in this great war on,

on the swords that they carry, apart from the ones who are freakishly strong, even by the standards of an enhanced like Super Warrior, they carry hand cannons that are also halberds, which is what that guy's got in the picture. It's basically just a small cannon with a long handle and an axe blade on the end. It's great. Oh, that's so cool. I thought it was just a blade. I thought it was just a really cool blade when I first looked at it. I didn't really look at it that much.

That's so dope. foot long. That's canon. I like that. I like that a lot. I mean, oh yeah. I thought it was just a sword, like an axe. Mm-hmm. It's like a blunderbuss. Great. It's great.

And imagine the weight of that. When he hits you with that, I mean, even if he only catches you with a blunt side, your spine's gone. You're dead regardless, whether it's the sharp bit or a blunt section, that's it. It's game over for you. And you're being stared out by a weird bird with, you know, a chest. at the same time. You know, if you timed it right,

you could pull a Final Fantasy 8 squall and slice them and then pull the trigger at the right time and get them with both. That is excellent. With a gun of that size, basically a small cannon. You get turned into a fine paste. Just a red mist.

Yeah, just get misted. We also have units-wise, the brazen bull, which we saw earlier. Big, like, horrible, homunculus guy with a massive cannon on his arm. This is another type of Taquin, and the quote at the top of them for the law primer is

it is with artillery that the Sultan makes his arguments known, which kind of sums up what the Brazen Bulls were all about. Just a side note, the Brazen Bull, nothing to do with like... The torture does.

The actual... Just the naming sequence. These things, effectively, the iron wall covered in siege guns and mortars, artillery all over the shop, but you can't just take a giant artillery piece off the wall and carry it into no man's land. So the Sultan was like, we need a way to take artillery directly to the enemy. What should we do? I know, we will design a new creature just to carry a gigantic gun, which is, I mean, yet another reason to love the Sultanate. So the Jaberian scientists of the

Royal Artillery House, got the heads together, created after centuries of experiments, the Brazen Bull, which is just a really, really strong, big homunculus with a huge cannon strapped to one arm. They can either have volley guns or flame cannons, and they carry holy blades. They've got lovely, exquisite armour, but most importantly, the guns that they carry, the volley guns, they are so powerful that they make the ground shake when they fire, and it can disrupt the enemy even without killing them because of how disorienting it is. So they wanted to take artillery out, and they did. A general question.

So I see like the Sultanate of the Iron Wall, right? And I see all the miniatures there. And like, don't get me wrong, the lions of Javier or Javier are obviously not to scale compared to the regular, like obviously. because they're so big, but I see the brazen bull next to it. The brazen bull is like double the height of the lion. Are the brazen bulls like the size of the damn wall or is this just the miniature having a little bit of fun? So the brazen bull is that, is pretty much that size compares to the infantry.

The lines of Jabir, they are like, there's like different versions of them. So the ones that are guarding the gate are functionally created in a similar way. but they're not specifically like lions themselves. So it's kind of the way they've been drawn at least, they look to have the same sort of structure body-wise, but they've also got wings. Effectively the everyday lions, the model size is accurate,

but the special ones they make to guard the gates are just, you know, they are created to be a lot bigger and a lot more complex, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, that makes a hell of a lot more sense. because I did look at it and I was like holy you know I wasn't I wasn't quite sure

and so so you've got the the little lions you get the big lions but you don't run the big lions that's a lore thing yes no there's no access to those unfortunately I guess I'd be like running an impertimore Titan I was about to say like a warlord titan it's just like wait wait that would actually rock

but you make you like 3 be printed two of the giant lions and then you had like this is an apoc game for trench crusade you have to enter the gate or something and the two lions they're like big warlord tight oh i'm i'm thinking of ideas i got i got concepts i got ideas damn he cooking yeah that actually sounds that actually sounds really good i want to do that now okay okay the last couple of things for the iron's alternate and it really rounds them out as being a bunch of absolute lunatics also look how good the assassin looks Oh, so good. Again with the masks, man.

Yeah, they've got the armor of everything. Sheesh. Absolutely solid. So we've got to talk about the assassins that they've got access to. But before we talk about them, we need to talk about the place that they come from because it kind of sets the stage for their abilities and how they work. They come from the mountain fortress of Alamut, the Unconquered, the Eagle's Nest. It stands outside the iron wall, but it's never been attacked by heretic forces.

ever. It has just not suffered an invasion. And within this mountain fortress is the Order of Assassins, raised from childhood, again, in like lethal and esoteric arts that bend time and space, all so that

they can kill with extreme efficiency. Extremely extremely rich light bending guy. Yeah, I didn't ask this earlier, but I was like, hey, what's that one, like, as a I was looking at the map, I was like, what is that one place outside the wall? And why is it outside the wall? And is that just like a different place? But glad, glad to know that that's what that is.

This is the thing. Some scholars, they reckon that Alamut was left outside the iron wall because the assassins have heretical views on religion. The assassins think that's pretty funny because they know that they were left out beyond the wall because they're strong enough to survive without it. They're just like, oh, you think that we were excluded. We're actually too badass to be contained by your wall. So there. Oh, yeah, God was like, yeah, you don't need it. You're good. You're good. I mean, they're all wrong. So Alba exists in the real world. Like, you can still see the castle ruins to this day. It was completed in 865 and destroyed in 1256. But of course, in Trench Crusade, it's still going strong. It's mostly closed to outsiders. But occasionally,

the old man in the mountain, the sort of leader of the assassins, needs a hand with something or, wants to talk to someone important. When he does, that person wakes up with a note next to their bed, and most of the time they will go and see him, because who would dare to ignore a note left by an assassin? You're probably better off going to see what he wants. They get in by travelling to the mouth of a valley, where they're met by servants of the order,

at which point they're blindfolded, and then they're guided, so they can't remember the way there. you'd think that it would be like a sort of monastic training ground nightmare where it's just assassins learning how to murder people in every corridor but it's actually really nice it has heavenly gardens vast libraries laboratories there's philosophers scientists and sages sitting around debating everything and anything and it's also borderline impossible for the forces of hell to properly attack and And one of the reasons for that is that the Lord of Alamut has a very particular artifact, which is a ring bearing a seal engraved with the symbol of 10 points. If you can guess the name of the guy whose seal is on the ring. Solomon. Yep, you got it.

It's Solomon the wise. So it's the only thing that every visitor to the old man in the mountain agrees on when it comes to how he looks. So some see an old man, some see a young warrior. no two descriptions of the Lord of Alam at match each other, but all of them mentions this ring. And the rumour is that the seal on the ring is the first and true seal given by Alatu.

Oh man, the pronunciation, Solomon's son of David. I'm not going to try and pronounce the other way of saying it because I will absolutely amangle it. But this seal basically gives him the power to command Shaitin and Jin, which are basically demons and demons and. angels. And when we talked about the like keys of Solomon and stuff earlier, there was stuff in there about like summoning and controlling spirits. That again ties into this. So probably because of this

seal, like the order of the fly, old Beelzebub and they're like, they can't get, they can't get near it. They just can't approach the fortress. The court of the seven-headed serpent can't get near it either. And there's never been an outbreak of the Black Grail. The forces of hell are just flat out denied from getting anywhere near. So it falls to the mortal followers of hell to take the fortress. And it just doesn't happen. There's been a lot of attempts and they've all failed either because the leaders and heretic lords die in their sleep from multiple stab wounds or they get poisoned whilst they're

eating or they just vanish into thin air which causes chaos in the ranks as people start vying for power. If somehow an invading force manages to overcome those issues, they have to march past the iron wall to get to the valley it's built in to begin with, right? So they get absolutely wrecked by artillery before they even get to the valley. They can't go in via the air, like we know aircraft exists in the Trench Crusade, and they can't do anything that way because the airspace above the valley is patrolled by sultanate airships. So no aerial attacks are possible. if they get within range and start shelling it, none of the shots ever hit the fortress,

no matter how well they measure distances or like aim down sites or whatever, they just hit the mountains around it instead. And the infantry get lost constantly, even using maps and compasses. And getting lost, bad idea in that valley. Because the heretics find themselves dying of old age before they get close to the walls,

assuming that they can even see the walls because Alamut basically vanishes against the sky. Nice, nice. That's kind of, I mean, that's, that's kind of awesome. I mean, the artwork alone is, is so good. Yeah. It's fantastic, but, again, like, I don't know, I'm kind of, I'm kind of surprised,

like just how, I'm like, not surprised because I'm, like, surprised that, like, this faction is well adjusted due to like any religious significance, but more so the fact that like everyone else in this universe is so non-adjusted that like them being so well adjusted seems like an off like an offset. Like it's like, oh wow, these people are like, I mean, normal, but you know, they're certainly more normal than the guy to their left. Yeah, I don't know. I know what you mean. It's pretty fascinating. I think the, the visuals are also very striking.

I also like really appreciate like how they mix in like the ethnic kind of motif and a lot of the various like what's the word like a you know how they're pulling from obviously like that that time in history and the visual aspect and yeah you know it's just really really cool. It's I think I think they've become my favorite faction in doing this and like researching all this and going through all the historical references and then reading like the feedback from part. And the Islamic Studies professor, like it feels like something that has, there's just so much care and attention and a lot of deep cuts that have like properly researched. I don't know. I feel like they've done a really, really good job with the way they've presented it all. So Alamo, it's just like it's survived for like 800 years. Outside of the wall, totally fine.

No one can get close to it unless they want you to get close. to it. And oh, it's worth mentioning the old man in the mountain, it's still allegedly the same guy as when the ultimate heresy was committed. So the founder of Alamut is still in charge, which is obviously impossible because that would make him like eight centuries old. Oh, yeah. No one's ever that old in Turchase. They'd be insane. No. Oh, totally. Yeah. No, he's doing, he's doing pretty well. He's managed to last quite a long time. But Alamette is where the assassins come from. As I've pointed out, like, it's the order of assassins. It comes from the word Hashashin, which was a word that was used to describe the tactics used by them. So the implication

of the world suggests these were tactical killers under the influence of Hashish whilst taking out of targets, but that is most likely an exaggeration, and there's no real evidence that they were. The order of assassins was real, but like the stories about what they did is not necessarily true, which is also kind of interesting in that the concept of assassination, they didn't come up with assassins. The word that eventually turned into that, it just sort of appeared, it appeared the first time in printed English in 1600. So the actual origin of it and how it became used for that, not entirely sure. But the assassins in Alibat in Trench Crusade go by ghost wolves, the secret knives, the subtle vipers, the Sultan's wrath, you get the picture.

Lots of different names for guys who will knife you in your sleep, or just probably out in the open as well. Regardless of what they're called, they are notorious for being ruthless, efficient, and having access to some really esoteric arts. A lot of people within the Iron Wall think they're heretical, but there's a treaty between Alamert and the Iron Sultanate that means the assassins are often included in their war bands. they are ridiculous. They're ridiculous in the best way. They can bend space and time using sacred rituals and strong hallucinogens, moving around behind enemy lines, appearing in two places at once,

hitting an enemy and then traveling back in time a few seconds, so they're safe from retaliation. It's mad. Like, they're just hacking actual reality around them as they go. Wow. So they pull a, they pull a trade. and they just rewind to avoid damage? Yep, yep.

They will knife you and then rewind themselves a bit. Okay, okay. Bricky, why are you laughing? It's, it's what shy posted. Oh. I'm already tracer. Mm-hmm. God damn it.

We needed at least one more boss baby thing in the, in the episode. So that was, that works for that. Image of Peter Griffin in the straight jacket. So is Alamette considered like a separate nation? Because you said they had to have a treaty with the sultanate, right? Are they considered like an independent? They are technically independent, but there is a treaty with the sultanate and they are of the same, like the same religion, roughly, although some in the sultanate think they are heretical. So there's obviously going to be some ideological or theological differences there.

But you, I think tabletop-wise, if I remember correctly, you can take assassins if you are iron sultanate, but you can't otherwise. So their alliance and their treaty effectively means they're treated as one entity, even though Alamette is broadly kind of, is broadly independent. Independent, yeah, yeah. and apparently doing quite well anyway. Yeah, I was going to see, like, you look at elements like, oh yeah, you totally do not need the wall at all. You're good. Yeah, they're fine.

They're doing pretty good. I mean, to be fair, also, the assassins, you'll be shocked to learn this. They're not your normal everyday guys. So they also go through like painful alterations and they're taller and faster and stronger than normal men, which is a trend, I feel, when it comes to the Sultanate in some ways. so they carry poisoned blades imbued with the milk of Manat, the cup of death. So this is a reference to the goddess of the same name in, when I say in real life. Manat was a pre-Islamic goddess of fate, fortune, time and destiny,

and she had a major shrine between Mecca and Medina. The poison in Trench R Usade is horrific. It touches unprotected flesh, the victim turns black, and rots from the inside in seconds, in excruciating pain. you can kind of see where it's come from, like a goddess of fate, fortune, time and destiny, and the poison named after a just accelerates everything, just absolutely ruins whatever it touches.

And the assassins themselves, they're trained in chambers beneath the surface. They're fed horrible food, full of strange toxins, so that their tolerance increases. Yeah. Yeah. Eventually,

is drawn and smelt it into iron. That iron is forged into blades and spells of slaying are laid into each layer of the poisonous metal. And finally, they quench the horrible blades in the venom of the unnatural offspring of a manticor and a basilisk. And so the blood of the first generation of assassins still lives on, getting more potent with each new generation. Lovely. Fantastic. Fantastic. cool. Actually awesome. That's,

yeah, you just got to be careful with that because if you actually, oh, shoot, drop my knife and nick yourself. It's like, well, it's like the,

this knife has poisons and you lick it and you're like, oh, oh, no. To be fair, though, they're probably resistant to it, right?

Like, they have so much poison training. They probably wouldn't die from a cut from their own knife, right? Probably. I mean, they've built up.

They've built up over the years. So, yeah, you'd hope. I mean, you'd be really embarrassed if you were the one assassin, like, that year who accidentally nicked yourself with your own knife and just, you know, disintegrated into black rot. That would be, that would be embarrassing. That's pretty funny. Not the way you want to go.

Yeah. All right. That is it? That's the great sultanate of the invincible iron wall of the two horns that pierced the sky. And there's a reason we only said that at the start and the end, because it's a mouthful. Very accurate name, too. Very much so. And very good.

this is a great faction. Yeah. Hell yeah. I actually really, really like this faction. It looks really, it's really, really cool. Yeah.

I kind of love the fact that, like, it, for me, like, it shows that, like, if you have a good design,

you don't need to, like, over design and overblote the armor with more tentacles, more stuff. Like, you can just have a well-designed aesthetic, not go overboard.

And it's like, look at how dope this is. It's just really, really well designed. Yeah, 100%. Like the designs are relatively simple compared to a lot of the like Christian or

Catholic stuff, but it's very, very effective and it's very like cohesive. It all feels like it fits together. Even the homunculus dudes feel like they fit with your normal infantry because of the kind of stylistic similarities, but none of them feel massively

over-detailed. They're great. I love Wait, I can't hear you over my What's the tentacle faction? I mean, The core of the seven head serpents. You realize how little that narrows it down? Yeah, sorry.

There was the one shy post it. I thought it was core of the seven head serpent. But this is straight out of Resident Evil 4. Yeah, I think that's black right. Yeah, that is 100% out of RE4. I'm expecting them to do like the, the dude in Spanish who has like the, like the like yelling like sound.

effect when he yells a Leon. Tag yourself. I'm the guy with the, I'm the guy with the weird mutant pig face covered in teeth holding the candles. Oh, that is you. I think, I think, D.K. is, I can either be the dude. The little gremlin?

I was thinking the little gremlin. Yeah, I think I'm the little gremlin. I got to go for that. I love how we see this and curious, like, tag yourselves, guys. What the fuck? You know, every, you know, every squad got the banner pig. candle pig, the gremlin, the horrifying, the horrifying worms from King Kong starring Jack Black. Let's go.

All right. I just get to be the one in the middle with the tentacles just ordering everything. See, for me, for me, I feel like shy is not the person in the center. Shy is either like the worm or like, or like the gremlin because shy is too, is too commonly like the tiny person in the background. most of our artwork. Oh, true. What about just one of the tentacles? Just one of the ones.

The one that has... The one that has... The one that has... The majority. Yeah. Yeah, the senior... Yeah, shy is our senior tentacle. Wait, what the hell is this, shy?

Have you seen Our Lady Immacula Penitence? Is that the one with the... Oh, Christ. What the... Is that... Oh, yeah, I forgot about this. Yo, tag your... squad. I'm the body bag on the right.

I'm the body bag at the bottom. I'm one of the skulls hanging off the lantern. Let's go. All right. As amazing as this is, I really do need to run. Yeah. This was fantastic. I had a blast. Thank you all so much. I actually really like this faction.

I don't know if it quite beats blinding snipers to let God take the wheel. But it's, it's like, it's pretty close. I'm not going to lie. I forgot about the sniper. That's lovely. I will see you. I will maybe see you all in the upcoming next three or four weeks. I will try to get on here and there for the podcast.

If I cannot, Big Rip. Well, safe travels, Bricky. Thank you, thank you. I will be out. I will be in the UK. I will take pictures of a Warhammer World when I'm up in Nottingham. And I will take a photo of me in Curiaf. And I will have like a Bible and it'll be beautiful.

the mothership calls him all right the mothership calls him home I will see you all next time and to our viewers thank you for watching any last bits are we all good all good let's go all right penis