Adeptus Ridiculous - The Most Absurd Guns in the Adeptus Astartes | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousWhen you really stop to think about it, Space Marine weapons make absolutely no sense. Sure, we all blindly accept genetically modified super soldiers firing Pepsi-can-sized bullets packed with razor wire, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. This week, Bricky, DK, and Kirioth are diving deep into the absolute absurdity of the Adeptus Astartes arsenal to look at the weirdest, most broken, and outright illegal firearms in the galaxy: from lost Dark Age of Technology relics to chaotic master-crafted monstrosities, the Imperium has dreamed up some truly unhinged ways to rapid-fire war crimes across the battlefield. We are checking out lost art of Volkite and Phosphex combustion weapons, why Conversion Beamers require the operator to stand perfectly still on an anti-grav platform, and exploring exactly why the Deathwatch gets to horde all the most broken toys.Support the show

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptist Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamanties and what a light day for news, eh, everyone? Bricky, Carrioth, there's no news to talk about today, right? It's so funny to me because you actually don't realize what, like, you don't understand the significance of this, D.K. Oh, see, when I showed up today, I assumed someone was going to be creaming their, jorts over a bolt gun two trailer and vash tor being all over it and you being able to fight said vash tor in pixel i i didn't realize there was actually something else and my facetious little no news thing was uh doubled in fairness that is awesome and my jorts were creamed so were clear on that i also went to a saga thing last week and played total war warhammer four For total war War Warhammer 40K.

And I did get to do that. And I have things about that as well, I'd like to mention. But I don't care about any of that. Karioth, can we talk about the real important thing today? The reveal, the reveal that we've been waiting for for years, the plastic Thunderhawk, finally, it's finally a thing that you can buy. Sort of. Guy, it technically exists a bit.

Half of it does. Wait, Thunderhawks were not plastic up until this point? So, so, D.K., you're familiar with the Thunderhawk gunship transport, correct? Correct. This was made in Forge World, which was the offshoot of Games Workshop, and was made out of resin, a giant. And I cannot stress this enough, warped piece of shit, block. of resin. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's... A lot of them did not arrive as straight as you might want it. No, especially in June. And so with that... That was waiting for it. Thank you. This is the first plastic thunder hawk revealed, and it is a terrain set because it's blown to shit.

Oh, wow. Technically, this whole reveal is just the same joke they pulled a few years ago when they did Erin Oscar and People. because they did exactly the same article where they talked about a plastic thunderhawk except because it was erinosa, it was tiny. So they've already done this once before. They've done the same joke twice. And both times I saw a headline and went,

oh my God, they're finally doing it. And both times I clicked the article and went, you absolutely waste. And it is even funnier the second time. Also, what did you call it? You said absolute. Did you say waste rolls? Yeah.

It's a word. Like a minstrel that spews waste? Like a waste roll? Like a waste roll? Like a real world? Like a low class person. Like a waste. A waste.

A weight stroll. Yeah. Someone who wastes time or like money or resources. I'm thinking in their case specifically time because I got excited and then it was just terrain. To be fair, it looks great. It's just not in one piece, which is sort of what I was. hoping for, although, to be fair, we know that when Games Workshop makes stuff, it's all digital now, obviously. So they have modeled all of this digitally, and does it make sense to just do a crash Thunderhawk, or does it make sense to make a full Thunderhawk and then chop the bits up

in CAD or whatever to make the scenery? You know what to actually be the best play here? They do the Thunderhawk like this, tomorrow, they're like, we went back in time and they reveal the actual plastic Thunderhawk. That would be hysterical and I would give them props for that. It would be so good. I almost, I almost, like I didn't expect it, but a little part of me was like, if they did this same day, because at the end of the article, they said, we've got a few more reveals for the Angels of Death landing later today, so pop back in a few hours. And I was like, if they show off a crashed Thunderhawk after saying revealed plastic Thunderhawk. And then an hour later, I like, here's an actual plastic Thunderhawk. I would have, I don't know what I would have done,

but I would have been extremely happy and somewhat annoyed at them at the same time. But they didn't do it. Instead, it's just, you know, new space Marines infantry. So I was disappointed anyway. I was like, oh, is it going to be? No, it's not. I believe in your mother tongue, the phrase we would use for this is taking the piss. Oh, he was a bit chuffed in it? Yeah. There's two kinds of cultural appropriation we've got going on here. Also, chuffed is good.

I like chuffed is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chuffed is good. I use chafed for the bad version. Yes. No, that works too. Chuffed is good? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you chuffed about something, you're really happy about it. it. If you miffed about something, you're annoyed about it. And last night, I was really lonely in which one I was stuffed. You know what I'm saying? Oh, right. Hmm. Do you enjoy this Woody banner? Want to hear more of it?

When you go on over to patreon.com slash adeptis ridiculous where you can get yourself bloopers. These weren't those. If they happened, posters. All kinds of posters. Discord, access, all that lovely stuff over there. And don't forget to go. ahead and check out the brand new poster we have and go to the merch store at orchidate.com down in the description.

We have unfortunately sold out of all of our magic card sleeves, but don't you worry, we've heard some great feedback on that. And later this year, you should be expecting new sleeves not only in their own special box a la Dragon Shield style, but also as a matte finish. So get prepared for some cool new stuff. stuff like that. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't tell him to do that, shy. All right. I was going to lead with,

do you wish you were stuffed? Check out our Patreon and, you know, go from there. It's not bad. It's not bad segue. You just didn't get to you. Save it for next week.

Do it regardless of what the conversation was. But just poured it over. Just, you know, carry it across. Oh, that ending is that that, that page.

On the Antweron ad readers left me pretty chuffed. You did proper. Yeah. See? See? See? I had to use chuffed properly. I didn't want to disappoint all of our fans in the UK.

I can't call it racist because I'm not necessarily think that British is a racist. It's more of like a nationality. But I'm, yeah, I'm going to say maybe prejudice or whatever you want to call it. But I much rather enjoyed my prejudice, British. accent to coming out of green hooligans as opposed to... I was going to say, if I just tone that shit down a little bit and said, Zogging, get, it would have been fine. You know, you're exactly true.

And I am fully accepting my hypocritical nature in this situation. I would have been praised for it. I saw a comment. I don't know if it was on last week's episode or the week before, which was someone who said, the only problem with Kerry are finding D.K.'s British accent so entertaining is that the rest of us have to suffer through it every time because it thinks it's acceptable. So true.

Great comment. 10 out of 10. Next week, DK, I want you to try again, but I want it to be Welsh. Oh, no. God. Nope. You got a full week to study up. Let's go.

And speaking of what we're going to be doing next week, we've got to talk about what we're going to be doing this week. Kyrrioth, after you? I've got quotes. Two, in fact, the history of our chapter is in this balter. Twelve times it has passed from one of our fallen brothers to his successor. May the deeds it performs in your hands live up to theirs. That's Sergeant Calicus of the Ultramarines.

And then the second quote is, Oh, guns, guns, guns. Come on, Sal, the tigers are playing, which is Clarence Boddica in Robocop. I thought that was going to be an orc quote. I was going to be like, no, no, Kariath, you got to do the voice. I was hearing that, too. I was hearing that, oh.

Oh, it goes, guns, guns, guns. Yeah, I heard that too. See, that's a plus two because that, because you made it green. If I just said, oh, it might, guns, guns, guns. Then it's like, no, hey. Actually, I kind of liked that one. I think it's actually about putting your whole pussy into it. I think that's kind of like where it comes from.

All right. All right. Anyway, are we talking about like bolters or like chapter relics? We are talking about weird guns. Weird space marine guns specifically, because there's actually quite a lot of them. And some of them, okay, look, how this sort of idea started is very different to how it ended. Originally, the idea was going to be covering the one-off guns used by space marines that are a bit unconventional. but when you like really get down to it, guns in the adeptus of startis are pretty unconventional on the whole.

When you really think about it in depth, it's kind of easy to accept that the genetically modified super soldier is firing a bullet the size of a Pepsi can full of razor wire when you read about it quickly. But when you stop to think about it, that's pretty weird. It's kind of crazy and it doesn't make a huge amount of sense. So we're going to do a few things today. First off, we're going to cover some strange and unique weapons. here and there, while also highlighting the absurdity of some of the guns that we just take at face value. And secondly, we are going to be focusing on the legions, because the true unique guns are found more so when it comes to chapter-based mastercrafted weapons or relics. Some are just normal guns, to have a funky name, while others are chaotic, dark age of technology

monstrosities that rapid fire war crimes across the battlefield. And at the very end, we're going to cover the group that inexplicably but understandably has the most weird guns, the Death Watch. This is partially because the Death Watch TTRPG is a gold mine of unique weapons, and the guns they describe are too absurd to ignore. Also, this is just going to be guns and projectile weaponry this time round, including Flames and Such. There can be whole episodes worth on unique swords, chain weapons, and other handheld weapons. So this time it is just guns, guns, guns, guns, because there's a lot of them.

I'm actually, I hate the fact that it's, and anytime someone says death watch these days, my brain is just, we watch from death. And I, yeah, yeah. First thing that pops into my, I hate it. I hate it. I, I, I love it. I am, I literally, my entire desk is covered in my death watch, uh, stuff I'm building up. And it just feels, if you know, it feels so good to be so free to be so mentally free from the burdens of needing to think that my, that the lore for my chapter is. Like the Death Watch are like they're cool because they're a whole bunch of different people combined to make a really interesting thing, right?

Like that's really cool. In this particular scenario, I'm just like, yeah, they're their lore sucks. That's what that's what's loss sucks. And I love the fact that it sucks. But like the individuals are cool. Did someone say slaughter? No one said it. No one said that.

You didn't have to bring that abhorrent word into the conversation. But you did. You're welcome. Treachery. 47 times apparently in one episode. So sometimes it's very easy to look at something at face value in the world of 40K and forget how genuinely weird it is. For example, Volkite. So the name tends to be tossed around quite a bit and it is common.

But what the hell is even that? Volkite weapons are remarkably deadly, but they are an oddity in that they're not only hard to replicate, but also barely understood. A hit from a Volkite charge can cause most organic matter to rapidly ignite in a explosive manner, and the combustion is so extreme that it can take down folks next to the unfortunate soul who got hit, without much issue. Now, Volkite weaponry is super common amongst the Mechanicum, but they do have a history within the Astartis as well. In the very early days of the Crusade, they were used by the early Space Marine legions. Volkite was so common in human history that the kin are using Volkite weapons as a bit of an overhang from the age of strife. But the upkeep of these weapons was so difficult that they fell out of favour and became more affiliated with the Mechanicum for the sake of simplicity.

However, they have slowly made a comeback thanks to Kahl and his Neo-Volkite weapons. As we know, Volkid Kahl can do whatever he likes. I thought they were known in the Mechanicum because they were like, they just dispensed radiation like crazy. Or maybe that's a different weapon. They are they, so the Volkite stuff is mostly just, we don't know how this works, but it does work. So it's fine, allegedly. Gotcha. Awesome.

Okay. Classic. Very good. See, I, because also, I know the kin do have that, but do they have Volkite? I thought they call them Vulcanite. It's like a slightly different naming system, but it's effectively the same technology. It's just like branched a little bit off from what I understand. It's branded for each dwarf's like manufacturer.

I called it a manufacturer because I'm so 40K pill, but the kin probably just have a factory. They just have a goddamn factory that they manufacture stuff in like a normal fucking people. It's okay. It's 40K. We can pretend like it's the factorium. when you want to go to the bathroom but you haven't opened the lectitio pubertatus yet exactly damn so 40K built if that isn't already in like an Ian Watson book I'll be absolutely amazed surely that's already been written down somewhere it's got to have been oh no look if you're going to use the word slaughter I'm going to evoke memories of some of the

weirdest stuff we've ever done episodes on. That's how this works. It's a game of retribution all the way down. So one of the more deadly weapons that has since vanished are Phosphax weapons. I love these. They're so stupid. Phosphax is a chemical that is able to burn without oxygen and without a reasonable source of fuel. It can even burn underwater and in the vacuum of space

and can scorch through solid antimantium and ceramite, adamantium, sorry. It's got some great nicknames like the crawls, death, but the dark angels would call it worm fire, because of course they would. When a cloud of phosphaxes unleashed, the flames would expand rapidly along with the cloud, blazing anything in its path. This is a weapon, by the way, that is so horrific that someone tried to get rid of it. The side effect of phosphics was the fact that its half-life was unfathomably long, and any area exposed to it was inhospitable. Even the death guard didn't want anything to do with Fospect.

In fact, the last STC for it was lost in 009M40 after a tech priest destroyed it due to how cruel it is. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. That's... So you basically had like their version of Oppenheimer, but he was like, no, we cannot. we cannot be having this. Yeah.

For a tech priest to be like, lads, this is, this is too much. We cannot possibly keep making this. It's gotta be bad. Now, of course, that tech priest, he was hailed as a hero.

Wait, no. Sorry. I was like, I went over to my microphone. I was like, I was like, bulsh.

And then I realized you were doing a bit. Yeah. He was actually tied to a stake and shot by one of the last Fosbex pistols in existence. So is that really what happened? Bro was tied to a stake and just shot with his stuff. Yep. Holy shit, dude. Wow.

That gun is known as Foss Phoenix and is hailed as a relic of the Mechanicus. simply because of that fact. It's not even a special Fosfax weapon. It is just purely because it was used to shoot the guy who thought that this whole thing was a bit too much. That's what makes it special. I mean, it's no worse than the literal

what flesh-eater virus they use in their little exterminatus bombs. Like, it's, it sucks. But it's not, you know, I don't know if it needed all that. It was, tied to a stake and shot with your own fucking crazy, uh, phosphrite gun, you know? That's hysterical.

That's hysterical to me. It's like you, you destroyed the last option of this, you know, and you shoot. Like, that's fantastic. I love that. Big fan. The thing is, before it was lost, FOSFX weapons were used among the space marines, mostly in the form of artillery shells and cannons.

So, you know, they were spreading that shit around pretty liberally. But of all the people to get rid of it, a tech priest is incredible. You might, though, want to employ some weaponry that's a bit more arcane and possibly even more inhumane. During the Crusade and the heresy, the Imperium had a little weapon they would put on the fists of saturnine terminators called a particle shredder. Now, as subtle names go, this one does not rank highly. Let's be honest. We can kind of guess what it does. When used, this weapon would spray particles everywhere

and strip targets down atom by atom. Lovely. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Is this what we saw in the Horace heresy trailer where people would just like turn into dust? I think it is, yeah. It's not, I don't think it's that dissimilar to the,

is it the ghost flyer weapons for the necrons? where it just sort of disintegrates you one layer at a time, which is a horrible statement when you're thinking about human beings. But, yeah, it just sort of strips everything back until there's nothing left. It's 40K, right? You know, there's the way we've seen worse, right? We've seen people ground into literal drugs just to get an emperor's children dude high. So, you know.

And it might not even get them high. They might sniff a human and be like, oh, shit, that was not a good enough. high. It's like, that was a little person with a family, dude. It's weak shit. What? You might be saying goodbye

to your son and a blood angel just snaps you neck mid-sentence. That's, you know, there are a horrific ways to go all over the place. I still love that, by the way. I forgot all about that. I was still a huge fan about that, by the way. Phenomenal.

Thank you for reminding me of that. I think about that. I would say at least twice a week. I don't know why. It just won't be. leave my brain. So unfathomable godlike weapons were all the rage back in the day. Conversion beamers were capable of firing a beam of energy so potent that it would turn

matter into straight up energy. The more dense the target, the more energy is produced, making a conversion beamer an essential weapon against things like troop transports or large buildings. Another added bonus has to do with distance. The further away a conversion beamer is from a target, the more powerful it is. This is because as the energy goes through, the air, it's pushing its way through more and more matter, becoming more and more potent as it goes onward. Now, as you can imagine, the conversion beamer isn't something you can carry around in your pocket. These guns were gigantic and the operator would have to stand completely still while using it. The solution, of course, was to use an anti-graft platform to situate the user while shooting it,

but perfectly still means perfectly still. The operator would have to wear specialized boots that would dig into any surface to assure maximum stability. Regardless, these things were dangerous as hell, and the ability to upkeep them was lost with time to almost every legion, except obviously the iron hands, because that is an extremely iron hands coded weapon. Yeah, not a bit. Circling back to the Saturnine stuff,

Saturnine dreadnoughts have their own horrible party piece as well. We mentioned conversion beam weaponry. this is kind of the opposite of it, sort of, at least in name. The inversion beamer was an exceptionally weird and powerful weapon that would be more dangerous at close range. So the closer a target is, the more damage it does. At close to point blank range, it would produce enough power to destroy a Terminator in a single shot.

Oh! Okay! Don't stand in front of a saturned red nought equipped one of those unless you want to simply cease to be very quickly. I mean, there's a lot of reasons not to stand in front of a Saturn. Yeah, you took it completely out of my mouth. That's definitely one of them, but yeah. This man is compensated for some.

You know what? I wasn't 100% on board with the Saturnine Dreadn, not when I first saw it, but in that context, with those guns. I'm in. See, I was always on board with the Saturn 9 Dreadnought. I was less on board with the Saturn 9 Terminators.

Although the Dreadnought looked awesome. The terminators I felt were like a little bit like, eh, you know. Yeah. They were almost not quite goofy enough in the right places, but a bit too goofy in the wrong places. Like I still don't know where the guy is in the suit unless he's some sort of deformed homunculus. he's been stretched in weird ways.

That's a problem all Terminators have to some degree, but for the Saturnine ones, it's way worse than the others. Yeah, that one's a little bit strange on that one. That being said, I do, it's weird, because on the same side of that, I also find the Saturnine Terminator captain to look very cool. So I'm kind of torn, you know?

Yeah. I feel like the pose, the extra decoration, it provides, like, I don't know, it provides enough aura that you don't notice how he would have to have no legs to be in there in the first place. It's just, he's just got enough personality that you don't care, whereas the ones don't. See, in that picture, it's very clear to me that he is in that head thing, but his body is like the size of a baby and he's got like a joystick. He's just, you know, he's got two joysticks and he just pilots it like a Gundam. He's like that art of Elon Musk.

where it's a drawing of him in his shorts with his torso weirdly elongated and boxed out it's exact that's all I can think of now now I need to find the the picture because that's going to stick in my head unless I

there we go there we go I found it immediately and this is so what you're saying basically is that it's that yeah yeah exactly 100% you got it Glad I facilitated.

The 9 Terminator. What the fuck is that? I had never seen it before today. I was like, what the fuck is he talking about? I thought that was more widespread than maybe it is. I saw that years ago and it's it stayed with me for whatever reason. It's like that, um, it's like that, uh, what is it? Um, not, uh, it's like the fall guy's guy.

Like the fall guy. skeleton from the hit game Fall Guys I don't I don't need to prove myself to you people all right let's just move on oh god and yes and shy says he he

is actually just built like that so it didn't come to wear that drawing now when we're talking like ancient stuff architect pistols perfect example stylized like a golden with sci-fi laser guns, the term archaeotech is kind of a catch-all for pistols that did some

ancient and sort of inexplicable Eldrich stuff. Some would be little atomic ray guns, while others would emit odd-color beams of unknown energy after harnessing power from the magnetosphere of the planet. They were very common on space marines during the crusade and the heresy, but they have since fallen out of favour and now tend to only be seen among the mechanicas. Some relics just have a strange and ominous descriptor and nothing further, like the relic stalker balter lament, which is described as having a cruel and unusual aura that anyone who carries it is doomed. That's it.

That's all it is. That's all it is. Yep. It's just a weird stalker balter, and that's all it is. It is what it says on the tin, right? It's called the lament for a reason. It doesn't say, but I'm assuming that is, you know, the lamenters have that, right? There's no way it belongs to anyone else.

It can't do. It's called Lament, and it introduces a, like, a cursed aura of doom. Yeah, I don't know. That's what may stop a chance. Nah, Dark Angels. I kind of assumed there would be a two-handed light blue, large chainsword sword, though. Lament does feel a very close combat weapon sort of name, doesn't it? That's all right.

Only the viewers will understand that reference. We can move on. I was like, there's a reference here somewhere, and I'm not smart enough to get it. you know, I'm none the wiser. I was like, this is oddly specific. Is it,

hey, is this a SpongeBob thing? They got, no, no, it's fine. Is this SpongeBob, brother?

Just move on? Just move on? Sometimes the Imperial Armour books get a bit wacky with it when it comes to listing off a bunch of unique weapons that are never explained again. The best example of this is the Badaab War, where we get a baffling amount of background info on some weapons. just in that they're given a name and they simply never show up again and are not explained. So to name a few, we have the Godwin Ultima Bolt Pistol, which was used by the Minators

sounds solid. The Star Phantoms used the Riser Ultima Bolt Pistol. The Salamanders had a nocturn Ultima Bolt Gun and the Mantis Warriors and the Carcaridans had Umbra Magnus bolt pistols. Now, of course, some of those, the names are just different patterns of those weapons. But the Ultima thing added in there? Could mean anything. Maybe it's magic. Maybe it's just got a slightly different colour on the handle. We just don't know.

In other instances, the Space Marines like to employ a bit of the old orc knowledge to get stuff done. Twin-linked weapons tend to showcase this nicely. Essentially, why fire one type of weapon a whole bunch when you can put another identical weapon next to it and fire it at the same time?

You get a greater chance of hitting something? Let's go. twin-linked weapons are for the most part exclusive to vehicles but lighter weapons like bolt guns can also be twin-linked and used for double the damage for instance like when we're talking horace heresy there were twin-linked bolters that just became storm balter it's almost a entirely pointless change but it is a change that happened and not generally a weapon that you see used too much is an astati's issued webber which you can probably guess is a web-based device used to incapacitate and capture quote unquote, the likes of a fleeing assassin or a small crowd of citizens. Wow, wow, that's oddly specific. It's, uh, sounds like it gets used for that quite a bit, actually. Oh, boy. It feels like two ends of a spectrum there.

You have, you have someone who's just murdered someone of high importance or those four guys just standing there in the street. It's quite a wide, I was going to say quite a wide net, pun, not intended. Firing the weapon results in filament being launched that expands into a near-unbreakable net, which constricts the more a person trapped inside of it struggles. The webbing will eventually, and by that we mean about five to six hours, break down and flake away. Better pray you've either had lunch or been to the toilet before you get hit by one of those,

because you're going to be in for a bad time either way. Sick. and Shai says a big class of weapons in the Road Trader game. They're very annoying if enemies used them. I bet. I can see that. Five hour cool down in Road Trader.

My question to you, do you have a specific weird gun from the space that the Spade Springs use that is like a personal favorite? Because I'm not going to lie, I've got one. I have one. I, I,

man, nothing comes to mind. I know we've talked about weird space marine specific guns before and just nothing is coming to mind right now. I really like two are in my head right now. The old head in me loves the Grave gun. Big fan of all of the Grave weaponry, grab cannons, grab pistols, all that Graves stuff. I loved those back of the day. If not that, I, even though they, They're shockingly down into legends now, and there's a whole thing with that.

I, the, uh, the suppressor's giant auto cannon is just really wacky. Um, small, uh, honorable mention for the infernus heavy bolter. The heavy bolter, heavy flamer comby weapon that the death watch get to use. Oh. Let's go. Big fan of those. That, that is, that's pretty solid. That is pretty solid.

I have to admit, and I, this shouldn't be my favorite, but it still is just because of how silly it is. And they've fixed it now and it's all fine. And the story of how it came to be is just like one of those things. I still think about the lion's wrath occasionally. Oh, well, that's a, that's not fair. They fixed it. They fixed it. It's better now.

It's such a curious, it actually works now. actual thing that can, you know, do its job now. So it feels unfair to still occasionally sit there and think, man, Asriel's weapon was so shit when it's been totally sorted. Actually, actually, you know what? If we're doing that, fuck you, Keriath. I'm going back. I'm going back to that famous photo of the Iron Warriors and whatever the hell he's holding.

Oh, that's so fair though. Hell yeah. Going back to that Iron Warriors Codex picture I love so very much. I was going to say it's a bit basic, but what's the, what's the weapon in Space Marine 2 that's a boltter, but it's also got a grenade launcher attached to it? I just, oh, that's just a heavy bolt rifle, I think. Oh, but it like there was like, I thought it had like a special name or something. No? So that's the, that's the heroic heavy bolt rifle, which is, funnily enough, called Death Watch.

It all loops round in the end. We've gone full circle. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's always something like that. It's like, oh, this is the Hulk weapon called the death of the traitor. You know, like, there's always some crap like that. Yeah.

Just remember, that was the last thing I used in space wearing to, and I was like, this shit slaps. It does slap, though. It is very good. It's very fun. Technically, you can also just get a bolt rifle with under slung grenade launch as well, but it's not as good as the heavy bolt rifle. Because it doesn't sound as good, and it's not as satisfying. You can sit there and tell me that it's better what you like, but I don't care. So there, oh my God, we're getting just increasingly, increasingly cursed versions of the Heinz wrath.

That last one's pretty good. I like that with the little, um, uh, what you mean? That was pretty good. That was, that sounds not bad. I like that one. You know what? None of this. None of this matters.

None of this matters. This is all stupid. You're all stupid. I'm going to Destiny 2. we're pulling out the malfeasance. Oh, hell yes. We love a good stupid hand cannon from Destiny too.

I am here for it. I have a replica thorn in my house. I love it. Shy, you say magic guns don't count. Like somehow Warhammer does not have magic guns.

It's fair. It's absolutely fair. I mean, how would the original Limesrath even function if it wasn't for magic. It wouldn't. We know this. Also, DK, the lament is the sword from Destiny. Oh!

Okay. Got you. Oh. I didn't know. That was a thing. I vaguely remember that big... Okay. Yep. Big hunker. Yeah. Great, great quest line. Good old deep stone crypt slash

Beyond Light quest line. Very good. Very good. But anyway, it looks mantle. I love it. But what the Fuck is that? It's literally a chain sword. The bottom is chain teeth, yeah. Oh, is that? Okay, fair enough.

No, that makes sense. Yep. Wow. Okay. We're going to move on to chapter-specific shooty things. We're going to start with the Dark Angels. So crafted by the master artifices on the rock, the furious vengeance is an ancient and terrible weapon.

Doesn't have any markings on it, but it is consecrated with oaths of vengeance against the fallen and has been used to cut down hundreds of these traitors over the course of its existence. Now, you're going to notice a trend as we go through some of these. There are a surprising number of weapons in 40K that follow essentially like fantasy TTRPG logic or just fantasy RPG logic, which is, here is X weapon. It is absolutely incredible. Why is it incredible?

Because it's got a name. What's special about it? Almost nothing. You know, why it's special is not listed. It's not any sort of result of something specific or any sort of heavy modification to do things that are different to any other weapon of exactly its type.

But it's got a name, and that imparts a vast amount of power. So the Furious Vengeance is just a balter that has been painted green and has been consecrated with oaths of vengeance which you kind of assume a lot of weapons have that. But for this one in particular, the machine spirit said, give me more, give me more of that. Let's go.

When it comes to cutting specific things down, the archangels have employed the usage of seeker bolts in the past as well. These bolts were designed by a tech marine, and each round has a cogitator inside that guides said round towards heat signatures, which feels like cheating, but good work. Well, you know, heat-seeking rounds, right? Tracer rounds, one might say.

Are tracer rounds heat-seeking? No. Or are they more just done? I was like, I thought I knew what that was. But you said that in such a way that makes me think I've missed something. At least I don't think they are. I just thought it was a funny pun because it's like, oh, it's tracing on it. Okay.

That's fair. You just introduced. You did the thing that you spoke with American confidence, and it made me think that what I thought was wrong. That's how we've gotten by so long in this world. We just say shit with confidence and people won't know any better. Sometimes the differences in the weapons

from chapter to chapter are literally just vibes. The Mark 4 Requium patterned heavy balter is a great example of this. It's a heavy balter, but the dark angels have covered theirs with so much scripture that the pattern is basically affiliated with them above all others.

Burning incense is placed in the sensor of these balters in order to sharpen and calm the individual carrying it, and this incense has earned the nickname Uziol's Breath after one of the chapters Interrogator Chapland. Now, there's also the Neural Shredder, which, you know, it doesn't leave too much to the imagination of that name, but it's somehow still a mystery to the imperial. A neural Shredder.

Stop. Stop. This isn't quite as bad as the lion's wrath. It's pretty bad. This one's really bad, though. That's... Oh, man. Dude, why does it have like an old luger grip in the back? What is that?

Why is the magazine wonky at the bottom? Why is it straight up top? Or is it like... I mean, curved mags exist, but like, what is that? It's not great. It just was like, is it an angle? It's like it's just got a like a kink in it partway down. That's, that is, that what is, the back end of it doesn't match the front.

It's the taken, it's the back. It's the handle. The handle is throwing me. I, I, it's literally, you know what's the funny? This is a space marine weapon, right? What space marine finger is fitting in that like grip? Like, it's so tiny. True.

I do. Hey, can we, can we give it plus two for it just saying, incineratio heretic on it. That one's good. I want to give it plus two more for the hanging sensor on the front. The truck nuts. That you, that you,

that's Lance Armstrong's version of truck nuts. I love the idea that every time this thing fire, it just goes, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang. Because the recoil is going to smack the sensor into the magazine every time. I hadn't thought about that, but you're so right. Not that it would be any louder than the sound of, you know, a bolter firing. The bolter, yeah. But, oh my God.

I also love the idea of putting something on the front of your gun that emits clouds of smoke. Yeah, as if the gun itself won't do that. No, he needs to hide the smoke from the gun. So he's using a different smoke. Like Shai says, the smoke will help a lot with aiming. Like, you've got to look down. You've got to look the way the guns are facing. No, no, no.

No, you don't. To be fair, you've got space marine. You've got space marine visor targeting sequencing. So you're fine on that one. Just as long as you're not a named lad who takes his helmet off all time. Well, then you don't need anything. You've already got the aim of the gods because you're a named space marine that never misses anyway. You might as well get some swag.

you don't need to aim and you're invincible you can do what you like yeah this is fantastic this would fit it this literally would be a bad moon's weapon and it would fit perfectly just take out the sensor and replace it with like a stick bomb and you're good yep i forgot on where we were there we go neural shredders so so um yeah the neural shredder you can kind of guess what it kind of does due to the name, but the Imperium still don't really know how it works. It sends out an electromagnetic wave, and it can't really be directly focused target-wise.

However, the frequency of this wave resonates on the same level as most living organisms' central nervous systems. So when a wave from this soccer hits you, it can cause your nerve receptors to fire in unpredictable manners, causing seizures at best and death at worst. Obviously, not great against anything not living, so the actual employment of this thing is super rare. In a galactic sense, this is kind of a weapon used by Elder Corsairs and Caledus assassins, but during the Great Crusade, it was actually a weapon used by the Dark Angels.

And finally, we've got the Consecretors, who are a fleet-based successor to the Dark Angels that are driven by the desire to unearth artifacts of the past. So obviously, they have some good loot. Some of this good loose includes a pretty basic looking plasma gun, but looks can be deceiving. Radiant Arrow is in a word perfect. It's a great name. Great name. According to the Consecretors, despite being a janky-ass plasma weapon,

Radiant Arrow cannot jam overheat or be disrupted by any traditional means. Hey, yo. All right. That's cool. Is that what this green thing is? That's a neural shredder, right? Oh, that's the disruptor. Your shredder.

Yeah. Now we're going to move on to the Imperial Fists and their successors, and we're going to start with Captain Evander Garius of the 465th company. And he's extensively enhanced bionically after suffering catastrophic damage during a conflict on the world of Larison. A Volkite charger was directly integrated into his war gear, and it's called Encineratus. Oh, yes. Of course.

Because he is special and therefore the Volkite is special, it fires exotic energy that can eat away at both flesh and armour. Because of course Volkite wasn't horrific enough. Now we've got added corrosive stuff attached to it as well. Exotic. It's got to be exotic. Such a good word. For something a bit more normal, we have the Spartan,

forged almost 10,000 years ago, the Spartan is a bolt pistol that has slayed an uncountable number of enemies. Everyone who's fired this weapon has said the same thing. If their aim is true, the shots from the Spartan will also be true, regardless of anything in the way.

Oh, Jesus. Possum is described as a wanted ass gun. This could also be doubly deadly if it were to fire the Imperial Fist's unique type of bolts, gatebreaker bolts. These bolts have a core of Feldright inside, making the bullets more like a breaching weapon with force not unlike that of a land raider. What? I mean, the way that's phrased, given it's perfect for shooting down reinforced doors and such, it seems like the implication there is that being shot with one of those bolts is like being driven into by a land raider,

in which case, holy shit. Gah damn. I like, I like, the idea of uh this reminds me of the the oh i've never been hit by a thunderhammer before it's like you'd be thankful it was glancing with the way this looks mechanicus when firing a gatekeeper bolt the model makes only one single attack but on this festival hit it dealt in arm penetration AP of minus five and generated d3 wound rolls instead of one that's doesn't quite make sense i don't know what addition this came out in. Maybe it was seventh, but eighth? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, oh, D3 wound rolls, I get. Okay. All right. Well, that hurts a lot. Pretty nasty. Pretty nasty that one. I'm going to say, that's not a wanted-ass gun because in wanted, they curve the bullets. This thing and just going to plow through anything in its way.

This thing is like a yawn do's little arrow in Guardians of the Galaxy. 100%. That's that. Yep. Yeah. In Hive Hell's Reach on Armageddon was the temple of the Emperor Ascendant, and during the Third War, it was destroyed. Its destruction resulted in many great relics being lost. Fortunately, Reclosioch Grimaldus was able to save a few things and reworked them into something new.

One of these things was a flamer that was reconstructed into a relic, known as the Beast Pire. It was described as being lovingly reworked so that its purifying flames are stronger than ever. No idea what that means, but Possum's guessing that it's just extra racist now or something. It is the... It tracks. Sticking with the theme, of Flamers, not racism.

Another relic of theirs is the breadth of the throne. This one looks normal enough, but its flames burn incandescently, and it's believed those who use it feel the burning wrath of the emperor, and the incandescence of the flames is his holy light. I mean, it just sounds like that is confirmation bias on the part of the

user, but we'll accept it nonetheless. As the Black Templars love their crusades and quest, there has to be at least one relic gum that is involved in some obtuse nonsense like that. Marshall Sendrick would make it a personal quest to find the scattered pieces of an ancient relic bolt pistol known as Penitent's Roar. He would face many trials on his quest to restore it, and despite losing an eye, thanks to some Eldar, he was able to gather all the pieces together. and after the Tech Marines of the chapter worked their magic,

he was gifted the completed weapon. Enraptured with what felt like vindicated faith upon receiving the completed relic, Cendrick feels as though this gun is a part of himself and he has used this weapon to one shot an orc war boss. Wow! Ouch! Sounds worth the effort, frankly, if you can go around shooting one of those in one go.

Next up, we have Pedro Cantor, the chaptermaster of Hans and Fists. now notable Captain Model. And he carries with him a truly nightmarish, an ancient storm balter that, look, let's just move on. Named Dorn Zaro after their prime mark, this storm balter is capable of an extremely high rate of fire and has armour penetrating capabilities. As he is a bit of a baller, Cantor has this weapon attached to the top of his left glove, freeing his left hand to do whatever it like while actively firing from.

from his knuckles. That personally, I reckon he's making the sign for wanker whenever he takes someone out with the gun, but that does open him up to potential friendly fire incidents if he doesn't let off the trigger. Then again, it's, uh, fuck is the sign for wanker. Oh,

oh dear. I didn't, um, all right, uh, I'm sorry, I heard you said it and I was like, what? Excuse me.

All right, let me, let me find, let me find, uh, let me find a gift for you of, of someone to, the wanker sign. That's something I didn't think I'd say out loud. But here we are.

Wow, it's kind of hard to find a gif of someone doing the sign. That's surprising. Well, I'm just going to assume he's flipping people off then. If you can't find it, that's okay. He's just, he's just, he's just giving the bird to people whilst also hitting him hard. Oh. Oh, it's a jerking off motion. Oh, there's go. It was, yeah. Sorry, I, American, I heard. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, you're stroking your shit. Yeah.

Yeah, you're jorking it. Yeah, cranking my hog, cranking my hog. Mm-hmm. I fail to take into account the cultural difference. So, yeah, that's... The cultural is maybe a strong word for that, but there you go. You know, that could lead to friendly fire incidents. Then again, it's not like the crimson fists are unfamiliar with the concept of silly friendly fire incidents.

So it could be whatever, really. Upon returning to the Imperium, it would be impossible for... Gilliman to ignore the hard work of the Crimson Fists. Upon departing for Wren's World, he personally presented Kansor a mastercrafted bot rifle to mark not only the great successes the chapter has had so far, and to encourage them for the challenges yet to come. Duty's burden is given to the chapter's champions that are tasked to face nigh impossible challenges. Embedded within the rifle is a machine spirit that has a deep determination

that is identical to that of the battle doctrine of the Crimson Fists themselves. delightfully vague. A nice gesture. Delightfully vague. Next up we have the Blood Angels and their successors. Star an out strong, Ball's vengeance is a relic hand flamer for the Blood Angels that quite literally weaponizes the nightmarish planet of Ball against its enemies. The fluid in the flamer is distilled from the lakes under the surface of the planet, making it highly radioactive and corrosive. Big fan of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. So much. so that even being close to the spray of the weapon is essentially a death sentence. Fortunately, for the wielder, they don't care much about this because this weapon is used

exclusively by death company marines. Oh, that's funnier. Modern problems require modern solutions, etc., etc. They also have access to Angelus bolt weapons, which are exclusive to the Blood Angels, and the sanguinary guard utilizes a bolt gun version of this that is drum, fed. The key thing with these weapons is the ammunition. They utilize bloodshard bolt rounds. Now, if you think, oh, that, that sounds badass. What, what sort of blood is in these? It's, it's not. It's not a blood-like payload. It is instead filled with razor filament.

And upon impact, this causes flesh and armor to violently shred. Ah, so it's the blood of them, not of like, this is, I thought you were going to say some bullshit, like every single bullet is consecrated in sanguinius's blood, which is insane of a concept, but I was, you know, I wasn't sure. Honestly, I thought it was going in a similar direction. Either sanguineous or like, oh, every new aspirin must give a little blood for the, for the communion of the bullets or some nonsense like that. But I definitely like the way it actually is more, yeah.

All of those would be just as plausible to be fair. But yeah, just being other people's blood is way cooler. During the Horus heresy, Zephen, who was a dominion of the Blood Angels, carried with him two Volkite Serpentia pistols that were called Lament and Grief. Second Lament of the episode, I just realized, they would fire beams of white light over short distances that seared both the flesh and the sight of anyone unfortunate enough to be struck by them. We're going to overlook the fact that I think with most weapons in this list, if you aim them just right, you can remove the sight of anyone and accept that that is a special property of these

Volkite pistols. Brother Octavio was deeply troubled by the Red Thirst and it impacted his ability to fight. A chaplain of the chapter inscribed the canticle of unceasing service onto his personal bolt gun and he finally found peace. From that moment on he fought a battle every single day of his life and his weapon would be known as Octavio's burden. With each shot he would be reminded of his service to the God Emperor and he would be able to channel his focus into deadly precision.

Apparently it turns out that even some space marines can benefit from ADHD meds, apparently. Now, we've got one last one for the Blood Angels and their successors and we had to mention the flesh terrors. You've got to always mention the flesh terrors because they rule. They were involved in an incident known as the Zorin infestation and they did such a good job that the Auto-Zenos Inquisitor gifted them a very special bolt gun. Slayer's wrath is one of the few artifacts that the flesh terrors have that represents some degree of gratitude bestowed on them by another organisation.

A subtle burn there from Possum, but, you know, I appreciate it. Things changed obviously, but they still cling on to that one compliment they got a long time ago. Relatable. Currently, it's in status, but when utilised the bolt gun fires frozen rounds that are filled with poisons. Nice. That feels like taking things out of a hat. I'm not going to pick two properties out of this bucket, and that's what this gun does.

It's frozen rounds that are poisonous, sure. Yeah, let's not forget the poisonous rounds that are explosive, and also the fire rounds that detonate in poison. There's always, yeah, just pick your adjective. Or noun. Shaz said, it's like me throwing a snowball I pissed on. I don't think it's exactly the same. Like, if your piss is so corrosive that it, anyway, seek medical attention immediately. Close enough.

Now we have the iron hands. And they've got a couple, but they tend to prefer close combat stuff, to be fair. Betrayers Bain is a relic combelter held by Clan Rourcan. It has a unique auto-sacified generator in it that allows for its fuel to be replenished while using it. On its case is the name of every single battle where the life of a member of the Empress children has been slain. Oh, boy. That's a... It's going to be a long list.

That's going to say, is there enough room? Yeah. All because the irons are generational haters, but for a very good reason. They also have Gorgon's wrath, which is nothing too spectacular, but it's a heavy boulter. Malkan Ferrius is currently carrying around, there isn't much beyond these, to be fair. Their true weird weapons tend to come in the form of close combat armaments. So we move on to the Ultramarines and their successors. During the Tyrannic wars, the Ultramarines had a storm bolter up their sleeves with a particularly nasty machine spirit.

The machine spirit in this storm balter allowed for a dramatic increase in its firing rate, while also somehow modifying the substance of each standard issue bolt fired from it. Through an unknown means, all bolts fired from the aptly named Vengeance of Ultramar are bioreactive, and any living material struck by it instantly explodes into mist. Love that. Hell yeah. It's really cool. It is also basically full on magic, isn't it? I don't know how this is happening, but it is, and it's extremely appropriate.

Let's go. Everything is just some kind of. STC from the dark age with shit you don't know about. Yeah. It's the blessing of the emperor. How dare you? There's nothing magic about that. I'm going to get servitorized

before the end of the episode of this rate. Sometimes space marines just make their own ship as well, like in the case of Ultramarines Master of Sanctity, Orton Cassius. He made himself a master-crafted combiflamer called Infernes, which he is used to terrorize tyrannids on many an occasion. There's also

primark's wrath, which is a bolt gun that's believed to be part of Gelleman's personal collection. This may explain why the gun is microscopically inscribed with every single tactical treaties that Gilliman has ever written. Now that's what I'm expecting,

what I'm hearing an ultramarines weapon. That's the first thing I think about. Gorsh. That's probably someone's life's work. Like every day for their entire adult life, all 30, years of it, you know, since it's 40K, just some peon scribe sat in a windowless room,

it had to have his eyes removed and replaced with like optical units with a 100 times zoom because it's microscopic, just painstakingly carving a bunch of texting. But also, let's point out, unreadable to anyone without replacement eyes that have a 100 time zoom, I really hope that gun gets used. Like even if it's once a year. Otherwise, that is a tragic, a tragic use of. some poor sod's life. That is insane. I mean, in 40K, that's not even the worst waste of someone's life, right? Like, come on. That's fair. It could be someone just, you know, writing down the

history of a toilet block in a hive world. Like, it's entirely possible. Aren't there like administratums that have servants for life that all they do is just bring them books? And that's their whole family's lineage is, yeah, we bring the guy the books. I could do with one of those. Someone just to bring your books. Hell yes. It's not the worst thing. Now the nemesis destroyers of the ultramarines get a special bolter known as a mortifier bolter.

On the outside, it's nearly identical to the Umbra and Thorbos pattern bolters, so it's fairly unassuming, but the inner workings of these guns makes them highly experimental. They're altered so that they fire at a reduced rate, which sounds a bit off on the surface, but considering that a reduced rate

allows them to find more unstable rounds without any potential backfiring makes more sense. Generally, these rounds are chemical and cause horrific damage to anyone shot by them. Surprise, surprise. The interesting and, you know, considering the Plague War's ironic thing about these guns beyond their inner workings, comes in the form of their potential origin. According to one of the Horace Horsesiesie Tabletop books, it's believed that these are a continuation of weapons originally designed by the Death Guard during the Crucese.

Sade. Just don't read into that too much because it might not even be true. But if it is, nice. I'll try not to. I'll try not to read into it. I'll make like Dorn and be unable to read. Now, like all of the Boltstorm gauntlets, the following unique one within the Castellans of the Rift chapter was designed to look like Gilliman's Hand of Dominion. However, unlike most Boltstorm gauntlets, this one was wielded by some nameless, new-list. integrated grey shield. This grey shield got into a 1v1 with warlord Larsack, the Reaper of the world eaters, and neither combatants was seen again. That's what an insane way for that fight to go. All that remained of the grey shield were the boltstorm gauntlets, which are now dubbed the gauntlets of

the Imperium and represent the defiance of the successor chapter. Gone but not forgotten, RIP, random guy. Another one of the toys from the Castellans was a heavy bolt rifle known as Muruk's wrath. Now a relic of the chapter, Captain Artung Muruk carried this weapon proudly. He was, historically, the first member of the Castellans to die, but he went out with a bang. That's it, that's such a shit thing to be remembered for. The first one to die. The first one to die. Yeah. I would not want that on my like memorial stone. Here lies like Captain Muruk. First to day. He was the first one he fell over. He just was. Fell.

Not enough. Fell. Maybe don't understate it. Fallen, you say? I made their joke. I'm proud of it. Hell yeah. Due to its significance, this bolter has been kept in the vaults of the chapter

and has been embellished by the tech marines of the chapter to reinforce its relic status. What I'm hearing from that is that it is a normal gun, the guy carrying it, got obliterated before anyone else, and so they've tried to make it spoil. special. Good work from the Castanza of the Rift there, but he died first, so who cares? A few layers removed from the Ultramarines are the... To me? Out! Are the fleet-based Marines errands? And they have a unique shotgun known as Linebreaker. Great name. It is specially crafted with a shorter barrel that is reinforced with dense

alloys. Every individual grain from a buckshot unleashed from this thing hits with the same impact as a slug resulting in a catastrophic spread of fire. The only downside with it is that you can't take any regular or specialty shotgun rounds. But why would you do that when you can cause extreme carnage with the round it can have? Yeah, that'll break the enemy lines, that's for sure. Now we're going to move on to the Salamanders. So 4,000 years ago, Kelran crafted a unique bolt gun that is still used. to this day. Dubbed Drake's roar, this ornate bolt gunfire's inferno bullet, filled with

Prometheum and is meticulously maintained, like all the other ancient relics of the Salamanders. They love centuries-old weapons. Every imaginary adversary has stood on the wrong side of the relic balter, known as the Wrath of Prometheus. It's known for its Guy Fieri-style flames on the side, and that's about it. But, like most Salamander's weapons, it likely employs the usage of their unique rounds called Dragon Rage bolts, which, funnily enough, have a core of Prometheum. Yeah, that's a, that's a stratagem, I think, for the Death Watch. Maybe it's Dragon Hyde? Oh, no.

Oh, no. Am high, oh, I'm a larping. Oh, he's a larper. Oh, no, I'm larping. Wait, what the hell was it, stratagem's? Dragon fire rounds. Oh, oh. Ah, you were basic.

That's fine. Also, Shai says, sets Eldar children on fire with 300% efficiency. So true, Bestie. We forgot to mention how much they love setting Eldar children on fire. Can't get enough of it.

Just, just can't get enough of it. I mean, who doesn't? Jesus. All right, all right, all right. All right. We've done the bit. We've done the,

quick, let's move on. The Imperium Sanction joke, we've done it. Talking of burning civilians, strictly unique to salamanders and created by Valkin himself, the pyroclosed flame projectors were a complex but efficient flamer. It's got nothing to do with that. I just wanted to do that segue. But really emphasised the eloquent artisanal nature of the Legion.

I've forgotten about that bit when I started that segue. Ah yes, the burning of children and the eloquent artisanal nitro fire, yeah. Two sides of the same coin. Ah, yeah, so true. Structurally, they're designed to cover a wide radius but with a bit more focus, allowing them to be used precision-wise to slice through armour. Now, though not quite a relic yet, Drakis, alongside the Thunderhammer Malleus Noctum, are they going to be relics.

They will become relics. This is a hand flamer personally crafted by Captain Agatone and has been utilised as his primary weapon ever since he crossed the Rubicon and became a Primaris Marine. Now, sometimes the weapons of the salamanders are not just hot, but also hot-headed. They have something called forge heart. It's a balter, but it's very particular about the munitions used with it. Its machine spirit needs to be constantly appeased

and the chapter determined that the easiest way to do this is to make sure that it's only loaded with balter shells that have not only been meticulously engraved with the rights of battle but also blessed individually by chaplains of the chapter. Oh man. That's so much effort. Just don't use that balter. Just put it in a box, stick it in the back of the cupboard,

and just use any other weapon. Yeah. Unless this thing is capable of pulling off flawless headshots without you having to aim it, that is simply not worth the time. Too much effort, yeah. Yeah. Ferris Manus once gifted Vulcan, a very uniquely crafted energy weapon, which ultimately Vulcan didn't really care for.

It's not like known why he didn't like the furnace's heart, but despite it looking weird as hell, he did carry it with him to Isfan 5 as a courtesy, and it took the Tech Marine Tukor over a year to craft the bolt gun that would be called Furos, but it would take him an additional 50 to perfect. Jesus Christ. I don't know what happened.

It kicked me out of the call. I don't know. They grabbed me by the leg and dragged me out of the room. I don't know what happens. They heard about your larping, and they were like, get out of that podcast, Bricky. You know, what the hell of your time?

Dragon fire rounds, this fucking. and schmuck, get out of here. God damn it. I don't know what the hell that was. That being said, I do like when dragons are on guns. Next thing you know, he's going to be calling it a hellhammer tank or whatever. It's not quite every episode, but we're working up to it. We're working on it.

Guys, don't worry. We're getting there. So, yes, the Tech Marine 2 call built a bolter. called Furos, took an additional 50 years to perfect the balter, which was, you know, it's time well spent in the end, because despite being three centuries old, it still works like brand new and is one of the more fearsome weapons in the Salamander's arsenal. So much better than the, than Forge Hart, whatever it was called, God's sake. Now we are going to move on to the Raven Guard.

We know at one point that Kay Van Shrike wielded an artificer bolt pistol called Blackout. The names on Ravenguard stuff always get me. But it's unclear what made it unique, other than it was exceptionally deadly in his hands when it came to be the silencing of many a would-be tyrant. There's a whole group of weapons the Ravenguard has that are virtually unknown outside of just their name. A champion of a contest of shadows

gets a chance to take a weapon from the Raven spy if they choose, and some of these weapons sound sick, but we don't know anything about them. So, for example, the cry of the... The Rock is a mastercrafted storm bolter, while the Fury of Khyavar is a mastercrafted plasma gun. And you can't forget the mastercrafted rifle Falcon's Reach. It'd be nice to know what makes each of these badass sounding weapons so good, but we don't know. So I'm just going to say, put your best guess down in the comments, and whichever is most fun,

will be treated as cannon and come back to bite us in two to five years. Nice. I'm going to say there's nothing special about any of them. They just want guns with fancy names. And it is their own expertise with them that makes them special. Can I say that, what was it, Fury of the Rock? Not being a Dark, Cry of the Rock, not being a Dark Angels weapon? Very odd.

To be fair, it spells R.O.C. as opposed to R.O.C.K. Ah, okay. I was just expecting a lot of Dwayne the Rock Johnson quotes every time you pulled the trigger. You smell what the rock is cooking. It'd still be a minus two from me. Oh, come on! Yeah, yeah, it's a minus two for me. Whatever.

It's a minus two's a cross. You can't win them all chat. I tried. I said chat, whatever. It doesn't matter. This is a live chat. It works. That's another minus two.

You know what? Go fuck yourself, all right, with your minus two. He's becoming too confident. We've got to bring it back down again. Damn it. Oh, God. Right. Corax crafted a special.

Bolter that he planned on giving to Conrad Kerr's. That went well. Wow. Well, he really was trying to help with that friendship, eh? Maybe I'll give him a damn bolter and he'll stop like freaking out. Nope. Take this and shut the fuck up and also cheer up as well. Now, the weapon was known as X Tenevris and it was designed with a unique blast cowl that

made every single shot all but silent. Because Ravenguard. Believe it or not, the Ravenguard has some relic guns that aren't a complete mystery. Nihilus is a sniper rifle that was made by an unknown craftsman. How this gun works is a complete... Oh my God. I just, I saw it and then I couldn't read two things at once. Shai says it's like gifting a Columbine kid, a shotgun to come.

Oh. Now, despite how fucked up that was, I would like to say this kind of idea. Perhaps maybe Corvus was like, at least, at least Conrad maybe won't go to my school. Oh, boy. You just treat them nice a little bit, you know? Maybe it won't be here. Oh, yeah. How about them rock quotes, eh?

Oh, boy. Yeah. You've been good, Corviss. I don't come to the Great Crusade. Oh, dear. So, that, that sniper rifle, right? Nihilus. How it works, complete unknown, obviously.

But it's weird as hell. It fires darts of black shadow. that explode with such extreme force that it can cut power armor into. In fact, it even managed to take down a tank. Okay, so now we got our two nouns again. Explosive and shadow. Yeah, yep. The Ravenguard also has modified ball pistols as well.

They've got rituals that they learned from Forge World Vantius, and that world got promoted to Couch, of the Dark Eldar Mandrake showing up. It's not clear how they're modified, but we know the output at least. These pistols, known as Silentus pistols, are impossibly silent weapons, perfect for assassinations.

Just in case you hadn't got the theme of the Ravenguard. Fully yet. Now, finally, we've got Death Watch, because the Death Watch has plenty of weird-ass weapons, and one of their most prominent weapons is Bailfire weaponry. These are flame weapons that have a potent Prometheum fuel that is laced with nuclear isotopes and other radioactive goodies. The purpose of these weapons is to essentially sterilize and neutralize any Zenos that has the ability to regenerate or repair themselves like orcs.

In fact, it's their main go-to when it comes to orc eradication. Of course, shooting a boatload of Prometheum onto the battlefield mixed with nuclear nightmare fuel is a dangerous prospect. So this is strictly used by the Death Watch as they are specially trained to take care of it. Yeah, it's dangerous prospect if you're a pussy. just just fucking do it man what are you the imperial what do you what do you care it's gonna say given there some of the other stuff on this list is just as bad if not worse i feel like you might as well yeah no no no no the oh god no please the radiation i got to swap back for my explosive shadow gun like surely that's safer i just love that it's only a

problem if you're a bitch. All right. All right. So true. So true. What if you're dealing with the Xenos that are known to be big and roboty, though? Well, the Death Watch also have some ammunition known as derevenant shells. These rounds have a tiny temporal core inside of them designed to disrupt the reanimation protocols of a Necron for a period of time, giving them a bit more of a cushion when it comes to you clearing them out. Now, regardless of rank or prowess, in duty, a member of the Death Watch is awarded a Guardian bolt pistol. The uniqueness of this weapon

varies from member to member as the Guardian Bolt Pistol is uniquely inscribed with not only the name of the brother holding it, but also etched with their deeds. Just a side note, I would have thought that a full-on bolt gun would be a bit better for that because there's more space, but I suppose it depends on how small the writing is and how long they expect Death Watch members to live. Upon leaving the Death Watch, a member is allowed to keep it with them. But they are not not buried with their wielder. Instead, the Guardian bolt pistols are returned to the Death Watch and are enshrined as a record of the fallen members.

And they are never reissued. Damn it. I was like, you know, Death Watch sometimes are a bit more pragmatic than other chapters. That's cool that they bring back the pistols to give it to somebody else. No, never mind. They just put them on a wall. Also, did you say that previous gun, every bullet had temporal cores? I did.

messed with that, but thank you for bringing that up, DK, because I was also... Like, I have no idea about the gun you just said, because my brain was like, what do you mean every round has a temporal core? What the fuck do you mean? It's a special ammunition and it's got a temporal core. I don't know what. And it's just... And it's just... All right.

I don't know. How? How? Look, it's, it's probably, it's, it's, it's got to be dark age of technology nonsense. Of course. Some forge world somewhere still has the knowledge to use and they give it to the death watch because if they don't, they're going to get absolutely obliterated by said death watch. That is my, that is my assumption.

No one else has got it because it's, you know, probably horrifically complicated to make and no one else can or something. Yeah, I just, I was like, wow, that's, that's a lot. That's, that's a, okay. Anyway. It is crazy. It is basically just saying they have, they have, you know, ammunition that can stop time effectively. Right, right. You know, it's kind of wild.

And here I was getting all up in arms about the shadow gun. Now we've got, now we've got the portal gun, but not from Valve, no all rights reserved. Jesus. All right. All right. Moving on then since we're moving on from I'm stopping bullets. two pistols that never get reused, which is, again, as Ricky pointed out,

the least pragmatic thing. They also have an ornate storm bolter, once owned by Anne Meal. Oh my God. Yeah, no, and Neil. That's, wow. This guy of the Angels of Vengeance who joined the ranks of the Death Watch.

Not much is known about it other than the fact that it's believed. It only works if the machine spirit inside of it believes the wielder to be worthy enough. It feels like N. Mile. It sounds like N. Mile, that makes it. It feels like some dark angel crap. Yeah, it does.

Yeah. I was literally going to say exactly that shy. My old near-ass gun is exactly what I was going to. Only the word they may wield it. Yeah. Yeah. Archaeotech is also quite common in the vaults of the Death Watch. And Kandau's Doom is a particularly strange example of it. This weapon was once utilized by the Relictus chapter,

a renegade chapter that was created from the combined gene seat of the Ultramarines and Dark Angels. This weapon is an auto gun, but its power is unspeakable. So there. That's it? Unspeakable. Yeah, we can't keep talking about it. Unspeakable.

You heard him. That's it. That's all you can say. An auto gun is like a 762 AK type gun. So we're clear. Apparently, those who've seen it in action say that it is like the scythe of death. itself. So, apparently... The Kleshnakovs are getting too powerful. We need to...

The unspeakable weapon. Now we also have the Doom Legion. There's successor chapter of the Ultramarines that was almost entirely lost due to chaos corruption. One of their most powerful weapons was a meltergun known as the Death of Steel, which had an impressive mechanical kill count with its atomic fire well before it found its way into the Death Watch, but has seen even greater carnage under their stewardship. In fact, the Doom of Steel is credited with the destruction of the heretic battleship called the Empires Judgment after it was used by a kill team to pierce its proverbial heart. Not bad. Not bad work for one gun there. There's also the Dark Angels company master

Raziel who fell defending a fortress in the Jericho reach and his personal plasma pistol found its way to the Death Watch. Called the Death Row, this relic pistol is remarkably compact. Despite this, it has the power of a two-handed weapon and somehow, does not overheat. Decorated with the roaring mouth of a lion, the vents of the muzzle result in the weapon producing a roaring sound when used, hence the name. This sounds badass, to be honest.

I like that one. And after that, there is a particularly weird combo weapon called the Gatemaker. This weapon was formerly used by the invader's successor chapter of the Imperial Fist, but has since found a new home with the Death Watch. Cased in Adamantium, there's a melter integrated within the main weapon that makes it a more, like more than efficient, reaching gun for reinforced bunkers. It's capable of firing five shots at a time from the melter bit of it and has a built-in

advanced dispersion system. So just five shots at, I don't know whether that is a rapid fire thing or whether it's simply the power of five melter blasts in one horror blast. I don't know. But it sounds cool. I want to look at this gun, everyone. Now here's your real question. Mm-hmm.

Which gun does the trigger fire? Ooh. Trick question, it fires both. Right. As the bullet gets superheated into Slag on the way out, because it's right next to the melt a beam. Exactly. You've done it.

We've done it. I see. Truly, we're the 40K. Fascinating. Fascinating indeed. Splendid. Marvelous. Now, the exorcists are an interesting lot.

The Imperial Fist success is a specialised when it comes to demon hunting, and during the Andjuven Crusade, one of their stalker bolt guns did an incredible amount of damage to some Xenos creatures. It was lost somehow, and the Death Watch ended up with it. The Exorcist learned of this, but instead of trying to get it back, they have essentially asked for the Death Watch to carry it in their honour. Some of the Death Watch believe that even the weapon itself, is crying out to be used in a crusade.

I feel like that is just a member of the Death Watch being like, God damn, I want to go on a crusade. And I'm holding this gun. Maybe. Surely it's the gun. Boss, this gun really wants to get out there. One of the, oh yeah, yeah, the gun made by the demon-possessed chapter is talking to me. That's wind.

This is just the Black Blade of Antwer. whatever it's called, but for the exorcists. Yeah. One of the many stomping grounds of the Death Watch is the Jericho Reach. It has a big reputation in their history, much like the special flamer that they've employed the use of many times out there. It's believed that this flamer was made by a salamander by the name of Serta, of course, who was apparently a bit more murdery than most other salamantis. He made this flamer to be particularly devastating by not only increasing its range substantially, but also making it so the fire it emits is ultraviolet. Oh, ultraviolet.

Yeah. I thought you were going to say ultraviolet. Ultra violent. I mean, it probably is. If you were like the flame from this weapon was particularly killy, I believe you, like, the base of the things we've been saying. Ultra violent and violet. Fire is particularly angry.

Now, due to the chemicals required to make this thing a nightmare on the battlefield, Serta's breath is notoriously bulky and not super easy to carry around. But, you know, sometimes the end justifies the means. Those Eltar children aren't going to burn themselves, are they? Finally, another strange flamer weapon made its way to the Death Watch courtesy of the Death Specter's chapter. Torch of the Vigil is a heavy flamer that was used originally in late M36 when the Death Spectres fought alongside a Death Watch kill team in the Jericho,

A Death Spector's captain was torn to shreds by Zinostro in this campaign, and a push was made to try and rescue his gene seed as well as his war gear. As a reward for saving the memory of such an important member of their own, the Death Spectors gifted the Death Watch his kit. So really, it seems like half the stuff that the Death Watch have got, at least as part of the Death Watch TTRPG, is just random stuff they found or took off dead bodies. Either way, they've got quite the armoury. A lot of hand-me-downs, yeah. Apart from all those guns they put into storage, they won't use those again, but some random wrongen salamanders

ultra-violent flamer they're all on board with. Oh, wouldn't you? 100%. It sounds badass. So there we go. Those are some of the more weird and wonderful weapons of the Adeptus of Astati's. At some point in the future,

will more likely do some weird melee ones as well but there's some there is some proper just random arcane nonsense weaponry in there that I've never really come across before

yeah there's some weird stuff very cool stuff though too I really really like how many of these were just take two nouns and shove them together I was a huge fan of that Explosive Shadow I

I love that jazz Tom also wow that is yeah so I was going to say the Death Watch got a lot of weird stuff that you know sometimes use a whole lot of Zeno's crap but a lot of their Zeno stuff

tend to be blades except for this definitely not a towel rifle I love that it's called re-engineered Eastern Fringe Artillery Nope It sounds like they're just trying to make it like less clearly bullshit than it actually is. It's like what, sorry, what is your, what is your sergeant carrying?

Oh, that, oh, no, I don't, no, don't worry about it. It's just re-engineered, re-engineered Eastern Fringe's artillery. It's totally normal. Shazette, I like how they took a towel rifle and added a bayonet to it because we engage in melee, unlike those blue pussies. Is it, is the, oh, wait, this is a power sword. There's a, there's a, there's a Death Watch power sword called the Thief of Secrets. And it says it's, that's so good. Inhabited by a machine spear or the unquenchable thirst for knowledge.

It has tasted the, the vitae of countless Zenos races, which has been filtered through the blade's auto-sanctified sanguinator channels. Oh, really? And then codified with an array of logicums. cells. This has caused the thief of secrets to lay bare the biological secrets of many Zeno's races and now allows the blades wielder to modulate its power field in order to easily kill the Death Watch's foes. Wow. It's actually insanely good in game too because it gives you plus one strength AP and damage. But if the bearer kills a model, it gets plus two strength AP and

damage. So you can like roll up with your strength 10 AP 4 damage for power force. fists or something and just be like look fast chuckle nuts and fucking kill them. What a goofy ass? That's excellent. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Big fan of that shit. Anyway, this is good. I liked this. Big fan of this. Ditto. I like the fact that even the space marines have guns that are this ridiculous.

Adept is ridiculous. Oh no. Go do the British accent again. Go do the British accent again, British boy. Oh. Well, I guess we had a right proper episode. See you next week, mates. I'm leaving.

A little down under, are we? It did lean a little Ozzy, didn't it? Lean? Let's go.