Adeptus Ridiculous - The Unification Wars & The Emperor of Mankind's New Groove | Origins of Warhammer 40k

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

The boys discuss all the various ages of the galaxy, from golden to not so golden, and the coming of the most powerful of reddit moderators, the Emperor of Mankind.https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculousSupport the show

Welcome everyone to another episode of The Adeptus Ridiculous. I'm your host, one of your host, D.K. Diamantis. I am a Warhammer noob that is slowly gaining more and more knowledge about Warhammer from Lifelong fan Bricky. Bricky, I hear today is going to be a very, very deep episode. Hey, you know what's also deep? The love and support of our patrons at Adeptus Ridiculous on Patreon. Oh, what a transition, dude.

What a transition. of you. I could not be happier. I'm glad because that has actually been blowing up quite a bit as of lately. The Patreon has been getting like ridiculous amounts of support. We really, really do appreciate it. I think we're encroaching around $400 right now, which is insane. We're almost halfway to making weekly episodes, which is just mind-blowing. And it's fantastic because like this is like this is the highlight of my week when we do it.

Like this is so much fun to like learn about like Warhammer and all the crazy shit that's going on in it that for it to be blowing up and for people to be liking it as much as they do is just like, oh, dreams do come true. It does especially and you know considering blowing up. We're going to talk a little bit about the Emperor's Crusade and the rise of humanity. Just call me Dean Kamen right. now with these Segways. I feel like you could preface anything in Warhammer with speaking of things blowing up. You know, during this entire time of us talking, I looked up very quietly the creator

of the Segway. Dean Kamen, and I have to use this later. It's like to call me King of the Segway. I'm Dean Kamen. I didn't even know who you were talking about. I just figured it was some reference. I know you did it. That's why I wanted to make it clear that I've, I worked. hard on this by looking up one guy. Thank you for that. I get it now. It just went R slash whoosh and well done. Oh, don't Reddit me.

This is not a place for Reddit. This is a place for Warhammer. You disgust me. You made that Pog reference a few episodes ago and now I have to get into this. Hey, at least, at least nobody's called anyone else their little Pog champ yet, right? I hate that, I hate that. I hate that. So bad, dude.

Oh, bad. It's like there's cringe memes and then there's that. And it's just, oh, boy. It's too bad because you can use it ironically. And it's sometimes okay. It's not important. Point being, today, on topic, on topic, today we are talking about mankind. And unlike Games Workshop, we have been really big into Zenos lately.

And we have been doing the Vol and Rise the Eldar. We talked about Kooky Grandpa. Nemesor Zandrek and his little short spout, short squat, Vard Oberyn. We did the Necrons, the Silent King. And today we're talking about mankind, which obviously has the most lore out of them all because humans, we are those. And, you know, naturally, that's the biggest part of the Warhammer universe. Though I will admit, you know, a lot of people get very upset and angry with the amount of

Human Imperium-based releases that Games Workshop has and the amount of favoritism they have. I know someone named Quiet Shy, who is particularly aggravated with that stuff, especially as an orc player. But that being said, I think you would be hard-pressed to find somebody who doesn't think that the rise of mankind and the Horace heresy aren't at least a bit interesting. It's like all space marines, but it's actually pretty cool. I remember when I was first getting into just like casually painting minis And I was like guys what should I do? And everyone was like yo you got to read up on the horse heresy

If you're gonna get at all Into Warhammer and painting the minis and caring about the lore you gotta start out with the Imperium and the heresy And the primarks and the emperor being a bad dad The emperor is a shit dad and we'll be talking about that suit But we did want to say that this is probably episode one of three. We're going to leave a couple cliffhangers because it's fun, but we're going to start off today with the rise of mankind and the emperor and the unification wars,

the Edith Mechanicus, and then episode two, probably more into the stirrings of heresy, the Great Crusade, that kind of little turmoil that was starting to cede the, or, um, it was it, no, no, it's like fester, like the seeds of doubt into everybody and then the third one we'll talk a full-blown heresy

but it's actually really good and it's surprisingly tragic the reason everyone jokes Magnus did nothing wrong is because his backstory is legitimately sad and it's actually sad and that's one of the reasons

why the Horace heresy is so well done is because you've got these like nine foot tall demigod primarks and they're legitimately sad and they feel mistreated And it's kind of cool because emotions are important and you don't have a lot of those in Warhammer. So it's cool to get into that. But that is the heresy.

There are plenty of emotions in Warhammer. They're just bad emotions. Well, or it's like lust, rage, anger, zealitism, fear. Tons of emotions, just really negative ones. I like seeing guilt and sadness and a feeling of loathing as opposed to, murder. But anyway, let's get started with the rise of mankind. So, however, million, million of years later, 60 million years later after our necrons went to bed, and about 25-ish-thous, thousand years before Sleinesh's big destructive burst, we had zero AD. You know,

you got your man, you got your man, J.C. You got your buddy, Jesus Christ. He was around. He did his thing. You know, he was all right. He chilled and then he died. And then all things happened. But then the first 15,000 years on Earth are exactly what you think would happen with us. You know, the 21st millennium was the 21st millennium. It is what it is now.

We existed or whatever the hell. And after all this time, you know, humanity really started to get going. In the late third millennium, space travel was becoming a big thing. We started creating a bunch of robots and we started living longer. It's your classic sci-fi, right? The first 15,000 years is just exactly how it is we started spanning up and into the stars. Actually, I should probably talk about the emperor just a little bit here. Okay, where did he come from?

Big question, right? Everyone's like, where the fuck did he come from? Answer, you don't know. Really? It's just an unknown. There are a couple theories, but honestly, the real true answer is nobody knows. And I'm kind of okay with that. You know, some people really want an answer. I like the idea where he was just that guy.

He just existed. And he's been around apparently forever. He's been around since in the BC era. Oh, he's old then. He's very old. A couple theories. One of the theories is that shamans, you know, like old school shaman's way

back in the day. They were actually early psychers. That's why they actually did have their little special powers. And then there's the concept that like seven of them came together and created a giant suicide pact and used their essence to create the emperor. That's one.

Some believe he was one of the, yeah, that's a little interesting one. Some believe he was one of the old ones that escaped the cleansing of the necrons. Because the old ones, you know, they're trying to raise up smaller civilizations and, you know, humans are an option. I could see that. It's an option, but honestly, these are all just theories because the emperor is pretty xenophobic and awful. And the old ones were meant to be very like raising up new species and being very kind and not genital. suicidal.

So. Yeah, as little as I know about Warhammer, even I'm like, yeah, isn't the emperor that guy that really hates anything that's not human? And it's like erosy to like go against him and anything he wishes.

He's kind of a a little bit. He's not like awful. He's not like what we are now, but he's not great. He is, humanity is the dominant ruler of the That's this kind of concept.

So anyway, after a year 1500, or 15,000, sorry, Emperor is just kind of chilling. He's just kind of like moving his way around. He's very much just chilling. You know, no one knows where he is. He's just there existing. This is what happened in the dark age of technology. This is around 15,000, well, it's millennia 15 to millennia 25. So during this period of time, this is when the first ever, like, real major mutants.

were born and those are called navigators. And navigators are a fancy-pancy version of psycher that allows them to, it's like a special gene they have, to allow them to navigate accurately through the warp. It allows them to kind of communicate, I think they have like three eyes. They have like their third eye in their forehead or something.

It's kind of creepy. It allows them to use like the psychic light as almost like a north star in the warp. And so this is when... It is neat, but it's also weird how it's linked to a mutation. So every like starship has a navigator and it's just this mutant with a fucked up mind. And I think they might be blind as well. They're kind of, they got problems, but they're very psychoactively intuned.

And so it allows them to invent the warp drive. And this allows them to go through the warp. You know, you're traveling through like a wormhole and you're able to pass huge. huge distances in like very little time. You can go to a whole new system in an hour. And during this period of time, like what happens in every single goddamn sci-fi story when you invent AI?

Oh, it has to go haywire and it has to turn against you, right? Oh, you fucking know it does. Yes, sir. And during this period of time, during the Dark Age technology, human tech, right now, is better than it is in modern-day Warhammer. it is fucking ludicrously powerful. Like, it is, it is laughably strong.

Current day, or like a millennia 15 to 25 tech, is by golly insane. Do you ever play some Nautica? I, oh, man, I'm about to. Damn it. I've seen other people play it.

It's a great game, but did you? Maybe Star Trek, but basically they create these insanely powerful AI, which were known as the men of iron, or the golden men. Sometimes they call like, it's a little bit difficult to describe, but they call them the men of iron, basically, these very

powerful AIs. But they also these things called STCs, which were standard template constructs, I believe. And basically, when you wanted to go colonize a new world, right, because they were in full-blown colonization time right now. Sure. It basically was a giant thing that contained all of humanity's

like knowledge. And it allowed them to fabricate things super easily. And it followed some Nautica Star Trek rules where I take two stick and three rock and I get AR-15. You know, like you throw it into a thing. It like goes at a molecular level and it can reform, right? You just, I take three leaf and four berry and I have pie. Remember spy kids? Remember that fucking little packet and they put in the microwave and it turned into a burm?

It's like that shit. Or like your fifth element, where you put a couple pills in the microwave and chican good. Yeah. Oh, God. Yes. Exactly.

So it's just like they have these insanely powerful AI starships. And the weapons on these things were immense. They could like create black holes and reverse time. Holy shit. It was laughable. There's a great story where an STC defends some late stage mechanicus. and it fires this weird thing at an Eldar vessel

and it teleports another variant of the vessel back in time a second overlaying themselves on top of each other and then like imploding the vessel from within it's fucking insane What? That's like... That's crazy! It's bonkersly bullshit

but unfortunately for you all of these AIs were like yo fuck you fleshy organics and they turned on them. Yeah, that makes sense. That seems like the natural progression of super powerful AI Right, and this was like catastrophic Like, because eventually if you're fucking construct

On your random worlds you're living on is just like Fuck you, you can't build shit You can't build weapons You don't have the knowledge anymore This lasted for like 10,000 years The Dark Age of Technology Oh, oh God 10,000 years

The Dark Age technology from millennia 15 to millennia 25. Oh, God. It was horrendous. Now, granted him, they eventually got, they won. Humans won. They eventually got their AI under control. But often people ask, why is making AI heresy in Warhammer 40,000? Because the admec don't have AI.

They don't have any AI. It's because it's super duper mega fucking heresy. It's because they're scared of this. They are terrified that they'll have another 10,000-year war with the AI rebel against their creators and just demolishing them. So how exactly did they get the AI under control? Because it sounds like the AI, if they really wanted to, it could fuck your shit up. Like, did they just like do some crazy hot wiring, open a panel somewhere? That is the problem with our podcast is that if I wanted to, do some crazy hot wiring, open a panel somewhere.

That is the problem with our podcast is that if I wanted to, to get too into that, I'd have to go Luton level. But the long story short, not every single AI went against them. It was mainly these like Men of Iron thing. And it's not like every standard construct was a free-thinking AI. It's not like they all just turned at the same time. You still had people and reinforcements.

Gotcha. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. But basically made a bunch of really fancy-pancy AI, and then AI turn against them. they're like okay no more AI then I can't blame them for not wanting to do AI after that absolutely not it was it was catastrophic um though about a little bit following the destruction of this war uh psychers human psychers started to kind of pop up a little bit more they started to really kind of become more of a thing again and this is in part due to a couple of these little assholes

we like to call the Eldar and this is really really kind of become more of a thing again and this is really right around the end, and Millennia 25 is right around the Eldar started getting really fucky. This is about the time frame when they started to get really bony. And then that evolves to the next thing, which was called the age of strife. Now, we know strife is a bad word. Yeah, I was going to say that doesn't sound like an age that you want to be a part of. No, the age of strife was 25 to 30. So obviously, no, we're in 40K.

So we've done 0 to 15, dark age of technology, 15 to 25. And now we're in 25 to 30. And this, after the dark age of technology, which also people also call the golden age of technology, it's very much like a back and forth because it is like the dark ages because the tech was awful and evil. Yeah. But we're so fucking advanced. Like if humanity was as powerful as they were during the golden age technology, this like millennia 25, we would have no worries.

Like, tyrannids, orcs, easy shit. Oh, shit, really? We would be easily the dominant force of the galaxy. We would probably be like necron level powerful. They were that much stronger then? Oh my God, yes. Wow. Like, we would be, like the necrons right now,

the only reason they haven't taken over the galaxy is because all their tomb worlds haven't woken up and they're a little bit like, you know, they're having some problems. Yeah. They have like their mental issues and shit. Like this right here, this is imagine

Orks with Necron tech. Like, because there's so many humans. Humans are probably the third largest faction in Warhammer besides Tyrannids and Orks. There are so many of them. There's one thing humans like to do

it's the fuck. We have so many people. Can confirm. And we have this powerful tech. Unfortunately, it always has to end. And we got to this point of the age of strife.

So these things called the Eldar, these fucking douchebags called the Eldar, just wouldn't stop fucking. And now we started getting our own psychers and stuff, and that could be because of the Eldar, it might just be us evolving as a species, because a psychic

gene is kind of like a gene, it's kind of like a mutation, similar to the navigators, but they just wouldn't stop fucking. And as you remember, all of that fucking caused turmoil in the warp. Before it blew up in a catastrophic Sanesh meltdown, it ruined the warp because all their souls went to it and started causing problems, right?

Yeah, the bloating. Right. So what happened is it caused these warp storms across the warp, and these giant interstellar, destructive storms of like mass magnitude. and it did what might be one of the worst possible outcomes, which is warp travel and communication ceased to exist.

Oh, that's kind of a big deal. It's like you're playing Mass Effect and all the relays turn off. Yeah, that's, well, I mean, that eventually does happen when the Reaper show up, right? And it's just like, oh, spaghettios. That's the big thing, right? is that when they show up and they turn, they go in the Citadel and they turn them all off. And then,

so all of humanity became isolated. Every, and the worst part is that you don't even have like, like, because it's the fact that it's too hard to travel through. Like you have warp drives on your ships. But unlike, say, Mass Effect where you use the relays,

but you also have like mass effect things on your, on your individual ships, you just can't travel. Every single colony, every single little planet, in various star systems is now completely cut off and has no communication of any kind because you communicate through the warp.

You are alone. Completely alone. I hope you weren't relying on supplies from other planets. I hope you weren't an upstart colony. I hope you weren't getting your tie, the food from someone else. Oh, God. So there were, I assume there were,

I guess this is why it's called the age of strife, eh? Yep. Holy shit. And all this, because the Eldar were unhappy with stagnation, and they wouldn't stop fucking, they wouldn't stop murdering, they wouldn't stop torturing, and-DK died. D-K., what happened? D-K., are you okay? I'm okay. You felt, you went out of the voice call.

What happened? I'm okay. I don't know. My internet's just being fucking, I guess. You still recording your thing, right? I am still recording my side so I can put it together. That's fucking funny. I almost wanted to stay in.

That's pretty good. Yeah, let it stay shy. So they ruined all of humanity. Colonies can't get food. Colonies are cut off from supplies. How many people die just because, just because the Eldar had a fuck kill fetish? Well, I mean, God knows how many of them died, like the Eldar, in the trillions.

But humanity itself also died in the billions to trillions as well, because every single planet turned on themselves. It went from fear to mass panic to, you know, food shortages and ration issues. And then just, and then a full-blown civil war. even Earth, which was so insanely overpopulated, relied on food from other planets. And so then it turned Earth and almost every other planet into almost full-on Mad Max wasteland, where it was ruled by barbarians and religious zealots with creepy churches. And the entire place turned into nuclear Armageddon over a scrap of brown. over like a handful of water.

It was... They were that dependent on the warp, huh? It was a complete anarchy. Civilization collapsed. Demons started coming out of the warp because of this, because the Eldar were fucking up the warp so much. Often a planet with a psycher on it wouldn't know how to control themselves

so they'd open up a portal and the demons would come out and fuck up your planets. Just pure, unadulterated anarchy. It might have been, no, it was significantly more devastating than the Dark Age technology. So that was what caused the massive age of strife, was just a huge civilization collapse. Now, some planets were able to be okay. Some were all right. Some would prove not to be. It really depends on where you were and how settled you were at the same time. This is actually a great part for us to talk about the Adeptus Mechanicus real quick.

Now, we're going to have a whole episode on them, because they are something else. But the surface of Mars was obviously a human colony. And for a while, they had the exact same issue. And the entire surface was either bombed because it's always bombed. Mutants scattered the whole thing. And any of the people that could survive hid in underground shelters in bunkers. Now eventually at that point Technology was so important

that you needed people who could understand tech to be able to keep yourself alive during this horrible time and that's why the admec kind of created a little religion about it which is how you created the Adepts Mechanicus Tech priests. That's why they're called tech priests and so that kind of was the stirring of the admec

the stirring of their pseudo I shouldn't say pseudo they're very religious a technophile way about them. They're very weird in that sense and different. But that's kind of... They're weird in general. They're really weird. You look at Adeptus Mechanicus and it's like, yeah, those guys are weird.

They're extremely fucking weird. But they're weird ass like robo-arm, spider. They're weird. They're weird, but they are interesting once they get back above ground. But that is where the kind of cult Mechanicus started to gain its power was everyone needed tech, tech was super important because the entire surface was filled with barbarians and brutes and radiation and those that new tech were deified as you know religious like worship so that was where the ad meck kind of became a thing but with that

now that we have this whole situation with the giant barbarians all across the planet these are called techno barbarians they were like mad max but combined with a bunch of tech It literally looked like madmax. It's basically madmax. They were covered in fur coats with skulls, so they had like robot arms and shit. And they had gladiatorial arenas and religions, and they were, they were, shit got bad.

Yeah, age of strife. Yep. Ages strife. Lots of strife. But that's crazy. Like, there's no way they could have, like, co-existed with, like, other planets around them, or did they need so many resources that there was just,

without the warp, there was just no way, to like take care of like all of the massive amounts of people on their worlds or? Well, I don't know. Imagine living in dead center in the middle of Siberia with no car. That's okay. Yeah, that's fair. Or like Antarctica with no form of travel.

Yeah. You can't really grow. If you're on a bad planet, you're not growing anything. Yeah. And without help, you won't be. That's true. Like some planets are going to be absolutely fucked. But like couldn't Earth like be able to be a little?

little better off in that scenario? It would have been. Surrounded by other like planets and they're not too far away and it would have been if they didn't have around like a trillion people on Earth. They hit overpopulation levels.

Now, Granted, this helped with population quite a bit. There were a lot fewer people on Earth after that was done. Shai said Earth basically looked like Coruscant in Star Wars. It was one giant city with no way to grow food. Oof. Didn't realize they had

overpopulated quite so heavily. That explains a lot now. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, so that's what came to a point of just real difficulty. But that does bring us to the unification wars. And this is the first time that the emperor of mankind would finally show himself and bring himself out to the world. And the unification wars is exactly as it sounds.

It is good old big emps, and it is him going out and, basically in the beginning of the 29th millennia, give or take, going out and reuniting the entirety of the planet. Because it was just obviously polluted by a bunch of techno-barbarians and things of that nature. So what he was doing was he was chilling in the Himalayas, which is actually where the Golden Throne currently is

as it's in the Himalaya Mountains. All right. But he was chilling there, and luckily for us, the emperor was a brilliant scientist because he's good at everything. And he created a couple things. He had his custodian guard at the time, the Legio custodies,

but he was creating something called the Thunder Warriors. The Thunder Warriors were these augmented humans, big, big boys, huge, tough men, which sounds, I'm sure, quite familiar. They were the, like, early, early alpha for the steps of Staris, for the Space Marines. Okay. So these were called Thunder Warriors, but

Astardis is a pretty smart guy and a very impressive tactician. A Thunder Warrior is like a big brute force man. He's a gigantic, tanky, due with a sledgehammer. Oh, chose sledgehammers for the weapons. Good choice. Good choice.

I like it. I like it. Yes. They're like giant sort of... I think a Thunder Warrior is actually taller than a space marine. That's very tall. Yes, because they were just,

they were meant to be a brute instrument of war. They're like the Krogan, basically. That makes sense. Unfortunately, they had all the issues. They had the issues with Krogan's as well, the same downsides. So what your man, Emps, did

is he took his Thunder Warriors, and he unified the planet under one single banner, under the Emperor of Mankind, and under the Imperium of Man, so to speak. The early stages of the Imperium of Man. Now, the question simply put was, what did they do with these horrifying barbarians

that refused to yield? I would assume they killed them. They absolutely killed them. They raised their cities. They killed their populace, everything. You would either kneel before the emperor and his giant legion of augmented humans or you would die. That makes sense.

That sounds like a very warhammer thing. It is. Surrender or raise. To an extent you can understand because these are, these people are fucked up. They don't understand what they're doing. They're savages. They're legitimately savages.

And it's not like it isn't already a super difficult time on earth and for humanity. And then you have these unyielding savages. And what else are you going to do? Yeah, and to an extent, you know, you can kind of understand why he did that. That being said, he did make sure to instill this one thing called the Imperial Truth. And the Imperial Truth is the concept that mankind is the dominant force in the galaxy. They are the dominant inheritors of the galaxy. That also means that there is to be no form of fundamental religious.

of any kind. Emperor was a fedore wearing red, or he was atheist as they come. He was like that you are not allowed to believe in gods. You are not allowed to believe in deities. He often would just decapitate any like priest or like sermon. If you believed in some kind of major like religion, if you create a religion as a techno-barbarian, often he would just kill you because you were too much of a problem. Fair?

He tipped that fucking hat so hard. He tipped it so hard and blinded him. Wow, we have today's, we have this episode's merch idea, Emperor in a Fedora, spurious typing on Reddit. I like it. Oh, that's perfect. He has like the shoulders all up and everything. Yeah, exactly.

And he's like foaming at the mouth. He's like, you better, you better fucking keep religion out of general chat. Right. Of course he's a mod on Reddit too He's a moderate He's a Discord mod Keep memes out of fucking General chat

Oh man That's like the best One of the best parts of every episode Is when it devolves into this shit And there's always that We got that one guy who keeps on making Fan art every episode too And I gotta know

Shai can you tell me his name Because I got to shout him out Because he's been doing great Yeah he's doing God's work I guess in an episode About killing him heretics and not wanting religion. I probably shouldn't say he's doing God's work, but he's doing the emperor's will. Yes, exactly. He's doing the imperial truth. Mankind of the

dominant force in the galaxy. So basically, and this is a long section, but he, I need to concise it because let's just say he gained control. He gained control and he eventually had everyone go under the banner of the Imperium of Man or the early stages of the Imperium of There were so many fucking battles. There were so many things he did during this period of time. There are so many techno-barbarian states. And it's so much fucking lore. But the long and short of it is that he wins.

And he unifies the entire bit of Earth. And during this period of time, though, ironically, he does not unify Mars. They didn't need it. Good old... Oh, his name. Our artist friend, Zaraxy. Quote, unquote. He who pogs.

He who pogs. We can't get away from it, dude. He makes some pretty funny ship post, though. I like the shippost, but I don't like that. That's fair. We can't get away from it. It's a curse. It's an internet curse.

It's a fucking... It's a travesty. So, admec though I was curious Did they just figure They didn't need Mars Because they didn't know the ad mech were underground And all they saw on Mars was just like

Oh yeah, it's just rolling with savages or something No The ad mech actually Took over their own planet The ad mech eventually came out from underground And they were able to Without the Emperor's help Just they were able to

Reinstate their own rule Oh well good Good for them. They had like a functioning democracy. They had elected officials. They took over their own planet. They didn't need a big golden man with a bunch of Krogan to make their way around. They just did it.

And they actually watched from Mars as the emperor did his unification wars. And they studied. And they were rather curious. Which is actually, we'll come later. We'll probably talk about that in the next episode. Maybe. Or maybe we'll end this episode with it. but they eventually

How did the ad mech do in the age of strife? Because I mean, were they like all technological at that point where they didn't really need quote unquote resources and like food and supplies? Because they're so mechanical and techie that they don't give a shit. Oh, well, that's the thing is the age of strife is what originally forced them underground.

Oh, okay. So it was near the end of the age of strife where they kind of came back up, Which is why during the age of strife, they developed that religion. Okay, I was a little turned around, but thank you. No worries. That was, yeah, they had their same issues, but unlike where the emperor saved Earth, they saved themselves. Gotcha.

Which is pretty, uh, which is pretty impressive. Yeah, I guess you could say that's pretty, pretty poggers, dude. God fucking damn it. God fucking damn it. So anyway, the emperor, the emperor made his group, right? and you're fired and basically

your big biggie ended up having his own major faction now right he was the de facto leader of the new Imperium and so he just had one problem

the the Thunder Warriors are you know they're like Krogan once used they are there are They're a blunt object.

They are made for war. They are not made for peacetime. So that was the great, like, betrayal where the emperor and his new space marines, his new creations and his custodians turned on his own thunder warriors and hunted them to basically genocide, to kill them all. Oh, shit. I was not expecting that. Yes, the great, I don't know if the term is the great betrayal or whatever it is, but all those thunder warriors that he used, the reason they're not around anymore, it's because the emperor decided that they were a dangerous tool of war, and it could not coexist during peacetime. And because of that Because of that

He took his custodians His legio custodies He took his He took his good old New Space Marines His new boys His new higher power Not necessarily

Stronger but smarter And more technically sound Space Marines That And he killed them all It was the Culling The Culling of the Thunder Warriors

So Thunder Warriors Redonculously Strong, right? Like how hard was it? How hard was it to hunt them down? Like it couldn't have been easy Because like they You know They helped win the whole

Unification thing right? Like how do you how do you hunt something like that? Well you hunt them intelligently These are these are blood tools of war Right When you got well one He had custodians And custodians are

are like they're heroes in their own right yeah yeah every custodian is a hero in their own in its own right like every named Space Marine character

is about the same thing as a custodian but not like that but he had thousands of Astardis legions and he you know he poisoned them during dinner he shanked them in the back

you know he tricked them he lied to them he didn't just like I declare war against the Thunder Warriors no he he tricked them he led them into traps he did what you

you do when you want to kill off an entire group of people. Got you. Yeah, see, a part of me was like, oh yeah, you know, you're betrayed, and then, like, they ran off or something. Or, like, they somehow betrayed him, and they ran off, and they were kind of just, like, hiding. And he had to, like, go find them with his,

with his guys, and off them somehow. Okay. No, I mean, some, definitely a few escaped, absolutely. But they, one, had to go into hiding. And, two, they're not intelligent. They're, they're, They can barely function.

They're idiots. They're just big, they're just blunt tools of war. That's, that's true too. Yeah. Yeah. And also, a lot of them, apparently a lot of them killed themselves because all their friends died. And so it just didn't matter anymore. Yeah.

Um, so. That's, that's kind of sad. It's, it's pretty sad. It's sad and it shows that EMPs ain't necessarily the greatest of guys sometimes. No, still further proof that he is a terrible dad. He's a shit dad. He's such a bad. bad dad.

So at this point, time-wise, we had, so let me go ahead and like, so much, let me go ahead and kind of back up so we have a little bit more of understanding of everything that happened. So we had the rise of mankind, zero to 15 millennia. You had the horrible dark age technology, 15 to 25, which is also the golden age where they expanded out and, you know, and then the AI murdered them. And then we reached the age of strife, which is 25, 30. And now this is near the end of the age of strife And right around this period of time

Two things occurred One, the emperor started creating the primarks Now you know about the primarks The primarks for our viewers Are basically the emperor's sons In their own way. He spliced DNA From many different kinds of humans

As well as his own Apparently he even made Added a little bit of animal DNA That's why the space wolves are the space wolves. Awkward. That's a strange thing to want to do as a dad. A little weird, but he made 20 separate of these primarks. And they were spliced with many things. It's why the white scars, they look very Mongolian because he spliced like Asian descent, Mongolian descent.

DNA with that. The salamanders are an entire, they're entirely all black. You know, this possibility that there was part of that. Lehman Russ was, you know, they're the space wolves. They have like fangs and they're very hairy looking. That was the concept of the wolf DNA, et cetera, et cetera. You know, I honestly didn't realize he was splicing in like animal DNA. And like I knew there were like space wolf chapters and salamanders and stuff like that.

But I thought that was just like the cool nickname. I didn't realize they actually had features of these animals. Well, the salamanders, the salamanders don't. Oh, right, right, right. But like, there's definitely a lot of different DNA being spliced in. And yeah, yeah, if anything, if he did spice DNA, it might have only been the wolves one. Right, right, right, right. But yeah, he did a little bit.

Yeah, they have like fangs and shit. Space wolves look like savages. They're pretty crazy. Wow, Emperor's totally a furry. A little bit. A little bit, and he was like, I'm going to make my own persona out of my own jeans. Yeah, right? It's literally his furrow.

It's out of his own DNA. It's his own DNA. Yeah, for the longest time, I thought the primarks were just like the best parts of his, his own genetics and his own DNA. So it's kind of cool to learn that it's not just his shit. He's also splicing in his persona. Good, good to know. Yeah, he mixed in a little bit of himself, and he's mixed in a little bit of all his

other stuff to create these primarks, which obviously he kind of, well, he doesn't really see them as the sons, but they're the sons of the emperor in his own sense. During this period of time, though This is just about when the Eldar eventually collapsed This is just about when the chaos god Slenesh arrived And everyone just got fucking murdered, right? Right, the big suck The big suck, but the big suck, ironically,

was actually a very good thing for humanity Because all the warp storms ended There's no more turmoil That's true because there's not as much murder fucking from the Eldar so it's not throwing the warp into chaos as much. And the chaos itself. Bad word to use for it, but whatever. Yeah.

But the chaos themselves, yeah, they're no longer like a problem. And anything that the turmoil got sucked up by Slinesh. Yeah. So the warp returned to a relative level of calm. However, the chaos gods were not entirely done with meming around by the emperor. Now, I'm a little bit hazy on this one. in particular. Although I do know is that good old emps made his 10,

his 10 test tube, or sorry, his 20 test tube babies, his 20 legions of space marines, or his 20 primarks, right? And because of them, all the,

all the test tube babies were all kind of getting ready. They were there being made. And then chaos decided to be funny. Chaos was like, chaos was like, yo, that's some sweet drip dog. I want some of that.

And so they stole them. Oh. Like all of them. And they scattered them across the universe or across the galaxy. And they just kind of yeeded them everywhere else. So chaos. Wait, so what part of chaos decided? It's like, is there, is there a chaotic entity that was just like, yeah, gotcha bitch.

Yeet? Like, how exactly did that? If there was one, it would be Zinche. because Zinche likes to do that shit. Um, but this, the overall scattering of the primarks, basically there was like a little warp rift near those gene vaults that he was fucking around with. And they basically fell in or, or they were sucked in. It's vague.

It doesn't, no one really knows. Long story short, chaos grabbed them. Or the warp just grabbed them in general and just yeated them everywhere. Just throw him out there. So he's got 20 of his sons, and they've all been thrown to a bunch of random planets. The salamanders were thrown,

like Vulcan, the primary of salamanders, went to Nocturn, which is like a volcanic planet. Lorgar went to a planet that had problems. We'll talk about. Lorgar soon.

You know, Magnus, more psychic... Leman Rust went to Fenris, very cold, wolfy, all that kind of shit. They just got heated. Lehman Russ was a prime mark? Yeah, the space wolves were the ones who found the blueprint for the Lehman Rus battle tank.

So it is named after Lehman Rus. Okay, cool. Because you've heard of Lehman Rus tank, right? Yeah, yeah, I've heard of Lehman Russ. Because doesn't he end up like wounding Magnus pretty heavily? Oh, we'll talk about that. Another day. Yeah, I just didn't realize he was a Primark.

I just thought he was just a he was just a hella space marine. Oh yeah, no, the Lehman Rust is the primark of the space wolves. In-game, the thousand sons and the space wolves hate each other. And there's lots of cool, there's lots of cool, like, abilities you can use against them. Ooh. So along with that, like each of these major primarks being scattered to these various worlds, this led the emperor to the next most important part of his job, which is to find them. And that leads us to the emperor's great,

crusade, which is exactly when we're probably going to end this episode. Oh, what a tease. I know. I have to do it. The Great Crusade is a very big part. Finding all the Primarks, establishing them, bringing their Space Marine legions to them. It's very big. It's very important.

And that is a perfect part because that kind of begins establishing our primarks as characters. and then establishing the heresy after that. Though I will say before this entirely begins, there's a small thing I want to mention with Admec, because in order to do this great crusade, he obviously needs ships, and now that he can, because the warp storms are gone.

So now people can start going back and forth again. You know, the gates are no longer dead. The Mass Effect realized they're okay again. But before this, we'll talk more about the Mechanicus at some point, but long story short, the Emperor wanted to take the Mechanicus by force like he did with Terra.

Unfortunately, as one of the things that makes the Mechanicus so cool, they were way too strong. Mechanicus had a democracy, they fixed themselves, and they had like insane amounts of war machines and Titans and Mecks, and they were a really frightening fighting force. And the emperor in his own right kind of thought to himself like, I don't know about this one.

Maybe I could take them, but it would take a lot of losses, and it's really just not worth it. So he signed a treaty, which is why the ad mech, in a sense, don't really need to believe in the emperor in modern day. They believe in the Omnisciah and the Machine God, but they believe the emperor is, like, They believe the emperor is like a really powerful thing, but they don't really worship him because they don't really have to.

Oh, that's true. I never really thought about that because they praise the Omnisiah and any other, I guess, race, the emperor would be like, ah, heresy. How dare you? Well, the people, the Imperium would be like heresy. The emperor doesn't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, sure. But yeah, I didn't, I didn't really think about that. That's cool.

Yeah, it's neat. They're the only human part that is technically not under the banner of the Imperium. They are under the banner of the Adeptus Mechanicus, because they are not technically part, they are a treaty. They have worked together. They not necessarily are part of the same faction, which I think is pretty fucking neat. Yeah, the Admecs sound pretty badass.

Oh, they are really, really cool. Yeah. I've also wanted to pick their minis, and I'm glad to hear that they're such dope bastards. I like it. Most people like the ad mech, even if you don't like a lot of the Imperium stuff. But that is generally where we're going to end this one. We've got the big old Great Crusade coming up next,

and that is a huge part getting all the Primarchs back. But until then, all we need to know going forward is the emperor has his new space marines. He's got his custodians. He's got a pact with the ad mech that are going to provide him ships and tons of like war vessels and armor and weapons. And oh yes. So you could say the emperor has got a new groove. You know what?

I love that movie. So I'm okay with that one. All the spicy memes that have come out of that movie. Wrong lever, Magnus. A merchandise idea two for the episode. Magus. Oh, God. Though, yeah, I mean, as you could tell, it's really complicated on this one, but

all we need to know is the emperor, no one knows where he came from. We reached superpowered levels. We expanded. Everyone got cut off from each other. We turned into Mad Max, and the emperor took everyone else by force and is now heading out to get his primarks back that were yeated and yoinked. Sick. That's a great TLDR.

Jesus. We are already, this podcast in its own right is like a quarter of how much you need to talk about in an average fucking game. But, oh my God. And we're only six episodes deep. I think six, right? Yeah, this is episode six. This is five, I think. Krieg, Necrons, Eldar, mini Necron, and then this one.

Oh yeah I can't count Cool Dang Yeah Well all right This has been Episode 5

Of the death's ridiculous This is gonna be part one of three For all of humanity's big Big shit I'm actually Next one is pretty exciting I like to talk about the The Seas of Heresy

Though I'm also Particularly excited for after we finish All of this Because then we get to talk about The Age of Apostasy which is my favorite part because that is the founding of the Sisters of Battle

and it is Old Age of Apostasy that sounds like fun It is bad It is a bad time I mean age of apostasy What do you expect It's gonna be

T and Crumpet I hope you like religion And I hope you like I hope you like people murdering their way Into a position of religious power Wahoo So

Woohoo Woohoo. So with that being said to all of our patrons, I, that's ridiculous on Patreon. You guys make this possible. Being near 400 a month is insane. Once we get to 1,000, we'll be doing weekly episodes instead of biweekly, because it obviously affords us more time to work on this. As for myself, my name is Bricky. You can find me on Bricky everywhere. Twitter, Twitch, I stream quite regularly, and I make videos. As for I know They're okay You don't have to say it I'll say it for you They're pretty solid

They're rock solid They're they're They're I was gonna make a brick joke But it's fine DK where can they find you You can find me DK Diomontes

Twitter Twitch YouTube And real DK Diamontes on Instagram And yeah thanks to all the patrons It's crazy to see all the support Super appreciated I hope you keep enjoying the podcast All right. And with that, we are out of here. We'll see you on the next episode.