Adeptus Ridiculous - VULKAN (LIVES): THE HAMMER OF SALVATION | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

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Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name's D.K. Diomontes, my co-host is Bricky. He's got all the ridiculous info on 40K that we're going to learn about today. But before we do, if you enjoy today's episode, please consider supporting us at patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. We have HD posters for the tiers that are $15 and higher. You get access for the Discord, which has a bunch of cool new Doge Van Dyre emotes. Huh?

and when we hit 15K we are gonna do an episode on the demon kilbasa we are I believe as of today $500 away on Patreon from that so we're really close anyway patreon.com slash edeptus ridiculous

and Bricky tell them about the merch and the book club well there's an orchidate.com merch pretty good merch get yourself hoodies, shirts, stickers, etc. Lots of good merch there and also So Book Club, if you didn't already watch the episode on Caiaphas Kane.

Oh, disgusting. Sorry, I was dying mid-sentence. Just like Caiaphas wants to. Caius Kane, currently in the last episode we did, we are now reading the twice-dead King, which is a Necron book. So we'll be getting on reading on that one. Also, I am still upset that we added a head pat emote to the Doge Van Dyer Emoat section. It's great. It's so cute.

He's a good boy. He's a good boy. Did you have that? He's a foot fetisher. Well, nobody's perfect. Also, if you are a member on YouTube as well, you can use those in the chat. So that is also part of the enjoyment. When we stream on the weekends, ish, Saturday.

Yes. Sometimes Friday. Oh, real quick, it's called twice. Dead King, colon, ruin, specifically, like, RU-I-M. Because there's another twice Dead King book apparently coming out soon, and it's... Sick. You know, it's going to be a trilogy. Literally a second book coming out.

Yo, you listen, listen, man. Don't you have a quote for me or something? I do. I do have a quote. Do your jaw. I do have your quote. Okay. Mm-mm-hmm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You have suffered. I know. this, you have come to the abyss and almost surrendered yourselves to it. That changes now. I am father, general, lord, and mentor. I shall teach you if I can and pass on the knowledge I have gained. Honor, self-sacrifice, self-reliance, brotherhood. Let this be the first lesson. Oh, no, this is, at first I thought it was chaos because it sounded a little chaos. see, but now it's like, now it kind of seems

loyalist, like a loyalist space marine chapter? Um, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Imperial Fist and Dorn wanting, is, I think Imperial Fist is Dorn. And Dorn wanting to be all rigid with the rules and honor and, yeah,

I think we're finally doing Imperial Fist in our illiterate baby boy. Final answer. Do you think Rogel Dorn a like self-sacrifice? Well, I mean, he did sacrifice like all of his people to try and go get what's his face.

That is not what I would call a sacrifice. It might as well be. I mean, he wasn't doing shit with him. He just, go die, everybody. Calling that a sacrifice is when you lose and dodge ball and you say, well, I let you win. He got fucked. This is true. That was always my excuse in Dodgeball when I got out.

I was, I'm sacrificing myself to give you all a better chance at winning. I actually cut out a small part of this quote because I thought you would get it too easily. I'm going to, I'm going to say the ending one more time. It goes, honor, self-sacrifice, self-reliance, brotherhood. It is our Promethean creed and all must adhere to it if we are to prosper. Let this be the first lesson. Oh, I don't. bruh

I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't know if it just early all all I'm thinking of

when I hear prometium is like the fucking gas they lit on fire and the last caiapus came like wow that yeah

okay follow that line of thought um is it oh is it is it is it is it tau maybe oh my fucking god

is it is it tau maybe? I'm gonna have an aneurysm. Let's go tau. Just who the shit is it? What is Prometheum? I don't know. It's like a, it's like a fucking gas

that they use or so shit for flamers. Flamers, really. Yeah, fire. Yeah. Cool. Fire. It, hmm. Just tell me what the fuck this thing is, man.

Just fucking, what are we doing? Vulcan. Well, I guess that means. make sense. Oh my lord. I guess I make... Vulcan. All right. Self-sacrifice. Self-reliance. The Promethean creed. Well... I don't know what the Promethean creed is. Prometheum is fires, the salamanders. I... How would you boop? That's not English. I don't care. That being said, I'm pretty hyped to learn about Vulcan.

I know. Oh my lord. Okay. All right. Volk... See the hammer Vulcan has? He's gonna bonk you. Oh no, I didn't, I don't deserve to go to horny jail. I did, I did nothing to deserve a bonk. Do you remember when, when we were getting drunk and reading all guardsmen party, and you were like, hey, have you heard about this hentai where this lady lactates so much that this guy has to like swim away or something? Remember when you told me about that? Oh, that was visitor Q, not a hentai, but, yeah, I do remember. Yeah, so shut the fuck up.

We're learning about Vulcan, bitch. I'm not opposed to that, though. Also, don't go watch Visitor Q. I know we've just talked about it. Don't even Google it. Don't even Google it. Okay. Also, he didn't need to swim way.

He just needed to bring out an umbrella because it was just a lot. So, so Vulcan, eh? I hate this so much. Okay, Vulcan. You brought it up. I didn't, I wasn't even thinking about it. You. You.

You did. You brought this on yourself. Oh, we're going to have a talk after this. All right, we're going to have a talk after this. All right, Vulcan, yes, I wanted to do a nice, warm, cuddly sort of thing for Christmas. It's almost Christmas time. You know, it's nice and happy and nice guy. So we're doing Vulcan. All right.

Okay. It's just Vulcan, though. It's not the salamander. that'll be, I'm assuming, next time. Like this is... Correct. Okay, cool. This is just Vulcan.

Next one we'll talk about the Salamanders in general. But Vulcan, he is my favorite of the loyalist primarks. He is basically the antithesis of Conrad Kerr's. They are complete opposites. He is an absolute Chad.

And I mean that in a much very literal way because his face looks like the Chad meme. Just face to the direction. Look at it. Look at chin. He's got a strong chin game. He does. Mm-hmm.

So the Vulcan. Vulcan, of course, was one of the 20 primarks. He was in the gestation capsule. Capsule. And then the dark powers grabbed him and said this shit empty, Yeet. And he was thrown all the way across the world to a death world planet, a feudal death world known as nocturn.

Oh, okay. Nocturn. And if Shai puts a picture of the League of Legends character, I'm quitting the podcast. Oh. Wow, dude. Why not just prime the pump for her? Because I know she would, I think she would do it anyway, but now she has a reason to do it. Is that like a shitty league character or something?

It's just a ghost guy. Oh, okay. Nocturn, anyway, is a massively volcanic planet. The thing about Nocturn is that it is covered in barren deserts and the ash is so, heavy that it completely blots out the sun because the entire planet is like dark red orange hue but it has a moon known as Prometheus that is orbits it quite closely and the gravitational pull causes things like volcanic eruptions and and tons of earthquakes all the time and in particular every 15 years Prometheus gets really close to the planet

And because of that, it creates something known as the time of trial where it's the closest it's ever been. So the gravitational pull has all the volcanoes just start spewing shit everywhere. The ash gets thicker. The rivers and jagged cracks of lava just, it gets all fucked. Wow. That is the epitome of a death world. It is literally a giant lava planet. Yeah.

I was curious. Most primarks that end up on a death world don't end up. quite so good. It seems like if you get stuck on a death world, a lot of the times you end up being part of a traitor legion. So it's kind of interesting to hear that he got put on this really, really, really, really shitty planet,

and he still ended up a good guy. I don't think, I can't think of any chaos primark that lived on a death world. Was it Mortarian a death world? Because it was all poisonous? Oh, Mortarian was. Yeah, Mortarian had the poisoning. New World.

Yeah. I guess Angron just had a shitty world that wanted to enslave people. Angron was just a slave. Curz was on a hive city, Nistram. That's pretty shitty. Perchirabo was on Olympia, which was fine.

I don't think, like, Fulgroom didn't have a great world, but they weren't like, I don't think they were death worlds. They weren't fun, but they weren't a death world, where life is,

where it's like Katachia, Katachan, you know? Yeah, I guess I was confusing, death world with mildly really garbage planet. Yeah, a bad life versus a death world are two definitely different things. Like, Krieg.

Krieg is a death world right now. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Anywho, he landed, and he was actually taken in by someone known as a metal worker, known as a Black Smitter, or Smiter, not Black Smith, but I don't know why it's called

that, but... Oh, so people actually live here. It wasn't just him on this, Death world? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's like a little feudal world. Yeah. Oh. There are people here. Wow. Okay. That's hard. That's hardcore. So he came down like a meteor and landed in this dude's house and just and fucked up his house. And this guy's name was Nebel. Not like Nobel, but like N-A-L-B-E-L, Nebel. Nah, no-Bel.

Nah, no-Bel. In a city settlement known as Hesiod. and he was taking it as a foster child and on this planet they had this thing this teaching of the Promethean cult now Promethean cult is like a subsect

of religion that it was deemed as not heretical by the ecclesiarchy because it's just a variation on standard imperial faith it's the idea of self not self-sacrifice but selflessness the importance of helping

the innocent and also being forced on the anvil of like strength. This concept of like lots of importance and smithing and that kind of stuff. Like their own little little religion. Man, if I had known about them being so big into self-sacrifice, that quote would have been so much easier to get. Holy shit. Have I never talked about the self-sacrifice of... Salamanders?

I don't think we've talked about salamanders or Vulcan outside of that one-time curse through Vulcan into the giant labyrinth maze to fuck with him. And all the subsequent torture that Kerr's did, so. That probably is true. They literally have a stratagem called self-sacrifice.

You'll see soon. Anywho, basically it was kind of prophesized that they'd have like a savior. There's always like the chosen one deal, but, um, and so when he took him in as a foster child and named him, you know, Vulcan.

And the main thing to note here is that his foster family and the tribe and the group he grew up with really gave him like a lot of love. Like they treated him like a true son. They cared for him. They, you know, they taught him. They read him bedtime stories. They really gave a shit. That's so sweet. That's so unlike anything you normally.

find in 40k? Love, appreciation, affection that's, and especially on such a shitty planet. Maybe they have to be nice because the planet is so garbage. It's like, well, if we're not nice to each other, the planets are not going to be nice to us, so

who, they found solace in one another. A lot of care and compassion in this like tribe group because it's kind of feudal world made it really important for, you know, Vulcan. Eventually he became, naturally, he's a primark, he's a big-ass dude.

And then he became full height, full size, after three years. That sounds so good. He was full-size, full adult-sized, big old Vulcan at three? At three, he was like normal. Whoa. He was full adulthood at three.

And naturally, like a primark, he was very intelligent. He was quick to learn. But also, a big part of Nocturn is smithing. So he was able to learn this insane metalworking from all the famed smiths on Nocturm and eventually after he worked in his adopted father's forge a ton That was kind of his job. He worked in the forge

And at some point though, the beasts of Nocturm known as the Dark Raths arrived. Oh no. Or sorry, dusk wraiths And in the dusk wraiths were actually a thing that would arrive in Nocturn quite often and people would hide, you know, they would hide one of the dust waves for riots. But the dust grahs were actually known as the Dark Eldar.

Oh, oh, boy, that's no good. Yes. So the Dark Eldar would actually go to Nocturn often to take, and their slaving runs to take slaves, and they would hide from the Dark Eldar, of course. But during the fourth year, Vulcan hid along with them, but he decided no way no more fucking elves

on my fucking planet no more fucking slaves and he he stepped out of his workshop with dual wielding blacksmith hammers oh let's go and roused the people from hiding and killed single-handedly not one not two but a hundred

dark Eldar oh slaughtered them like they were animals which I think might be a little bit of an overstatement that is a little silly because I'm not quite sure if even a Primark can take down a hundred dark Eldar slavers in one go. Ooh.

But, fair enough. It's Vulcan. Sure. It's Vulcan. Why not? You know? So he, he drove, like, he became known as the fireborne. Like, this undefeated warrior

who took down the slave barges and crushed the dust grates, driving them away from Nocturn, who they stabbed with poison blades and he just wouldn't stop and yada yada yada So one of you like him so much You fucked up a bunch of elves Yeah

So eventually After this big victory against the dark Eldar Excuse me They actually created a tournament Involving tests of strength And craftsmanship For Nocturm Because it was just like

Hey after this fight They just had these great, crazy the tournaments that they created to show off strength in battle and, you know, really kind of test like the Olympic Games, you know? Yeah, cool. During one of these open ceremonies, a stranger appeared in unusually pale, because everyone on Noctur has very, very dark skin and blazing red eyes. Oh yeah, because all the ash, it blots out the sun, so, you know, you're not.

Well, also, like, who know, because the settlers of Nocturn, we have no idea what their ethnicity was, but over enough generations, you know, pigment. that kind of deal yeah yeah whatever but naturally but also blazing red eyes so it's a little interesting there they look like monsters

little scary sometimes with the red eyes it's so crazy that these are the nice people and it's like they look like hideous demon beasts I mean they don't look hideous they just have very dark skin and blazing red eyes which it's not like

they're not hideous they don't have like oh that's true they're not like deformed three mouths or anything they look demonic let's put it that way the red eyes eyes are a little frightening, but they look like just generally people. It's just blazing red eyes. Is there any reason for the blazing red eyes?

Is it because they're always looking into like these volcanoes that are blowing up and it's so bright that their eyes just, or is it just aesthetics? GW thought it looked cool. I have no idea. Okay. All right. All right. I get it.

But anyway, in one of these opening ceremonies, they had someone known as the pale stranger. Okay. And because pale because pale skin. Pale skin, obviously. Compared to the writer. Yeah, compared to people in Nocturn. And he challenged Vulcan who would best everybody like so easily. Oh, sure. Primark.

Yeah, of course. And they said the loser would have to swear their eternal loyalty and obedience to the victor. Oh, it's big, isn't it? Of course, it's fucking biggie. It's fucking biggie, yep. And Vulcan agreed to the terms because he's like, Uh, I'm Vulcan. I got this shit.

Like, I want to remind you that Vulcan is the largest of all the Primarks. By a decent margin. Oh, so he is a big, big. Vulcan is enormous. How tall we talk in? Like 10 feet tall? 20, not 20 feet tall, like 11 feet tall? Uh, primark height chart. Fuck it, we'll do it live

Here we go Here's Vulcan, there's Dorn, and there's a human Whoa He's a big dude He is like a whole head taller than Dorn And probably twice as thick Oh my God Also can you imagine the fright of a human

Like us standing next to Vulcan or in Vulcan's presence? Oh my god. It is certainly it is certainly something. He's a Titan. He is enormous. So they began their the games right, the Promethean games

and for a while there was just, it was just draw consistently over and over again. One of the feats of strength was to hold an entire anvil over your head for as long as possible. And all the other contestants would do

this for a couple of minutes before failing, but Vulcan and the pale stranger, ever, did it for half a day with no sign of tiring. It's like, okay, now we need to forge an amazing crafted weapon, and they tied

again, and it just kept on the tying. So eventually the final test was they had to go to the largest volcano in on Nocturn, which is aptly named Mount Deathfire Well done Normally GW is pretty good with the naming schemes

And they come up with some pretty cool names But I guess they took the day off When they were naming Mount Deathfire, eh? Mount Deathfire So they had to go up to Mount Deathfire and slay the strongest creature on Nocturn The Salamander Ah.

The largest fire drake. And so Vulcan fashioned a hammer and the emperor fashioned a sword. And Vulcan found his prey first and with one single blow just went whibram and smashed his head off because it's Vulcan

and he fucks everything up. Of course. He then grabbed carrying the carcass back. The volcano unexpectedly erupted and yeated him off a cliff which he was was then managed to grab the edge with his one hand, but stubbornly grasped the tail of the salamander and the other.

And so he was holding on to this edge of the mountain not quite able to pull himself up because of the salamander's carcass. And he was there for hours. Oh, he was hanging on to the ledge for hours, just not wanting to let go of the salamander. Wow. What a Chad. Eventually, though, his hold started to. the slip.

And that was the time when the stranger, I'm just going to keep calling it, I'm going to call him Biggie, Biggie appear carrying his own salamander. And very quickly, he saw the predicament and he threw the salamander carcass into the lava flow because it had a heat resistant scales to use it as a bridge to cross over and reach Volcan and save his life. Oh, wow. That's pretty. So when they returned, Vulcan was declared the winner because he.

He returned with a salamander hide. Huh. And the stranger had lost his. Biggie had lost his. But Vulcan then silenced the crowd and knelt before the stranger. Fuck, emperor, whatever. Stating that any man who valued life over pride was worthy of his service. Because he threw away his pride by removing the salamander carcass to save his life.

And that was, of course, when the emperor reveals himself to be the emperor. You know what is the most surprising part of this story? That the emperor didn't just teleport or some bullshit? No, it's that the emperor was being a good dad. Oh. Like, that's a, that's a good dad moment. Like, you're sacrificing your own personal glory and anything you would have, because you want to save your boy. You got to save him from falling because he's too stubborn.

He can be a good dad if he tries. He can be. Or this was his 4D chess and he knew that Vulcan would kneel because he knew Vulcan was a good guy. It's possible. It is possible. Considering what Biggie has done in the past, I try to give him less credits. Like, you think about poor old Angron. It's like, I don't think he has the capacity to really think about. Also, I was wondering, do you think Biggie was sandbagging? Because, like, he's Biggie. Like, he, right?

Like, would he really get into draws with Vulcan? It wasn't the fact. It was the fact that, like, it would take so long for them to decide a winner. Like, if they did the Anvil thing, it would probably be, like, weeks or something, you know? It just, it wouldn't, it just couldn't. At that point, it's like, all right, fuck this. We'll just move under the next, the next thing. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I guess that's fair. And, you know, I mean, Horace did take Biggie to the inch of death. Eh, he did. Well, I guess you're right. He did. I mean, I guess Primarks are somewhat a match for Biggie. Eh, not quite, but it's somewhat-ish. Vulcan's a big boy.

He is. He is a large lad. And it's true. So, anyhow, he eventually took Volcan under his wing, but actually didn't give him his legion immediately. he Vulcan was a man who understood smithing and creation but he had no concept of war he never waged war he never had war

he fought back Dark Eldar but he didn't know anything about that so he had to have him like kind of put him under his tutelage for a while and kind of keep him secret from the wider Imperium besides the other Primarks and just kind of teach him you know and just kind of just kind of have him learn and figure out things and have him learn the ways of war, which of course, he's Vulcan.

He's a Primark. He learned pretty quick. Sure. Sure. And he was learned more about weaponry and the smithing choice of that. And eventually, what he did do actually was have this big

initiate group on Nocturn. And they were kind of just, this is what the book that I read was about, was he was kind of waiting for, just kind of waiting for the, answer to go reunite with a terran-born Salamanders.

And there's kind of there, him and about 3,000 new initiates from Nocturn. We're just like, when are we going to go? When are we going to go? I don't know when we're going to go. I want to go. I want to get working on this thing. And eventually Big East finally said, all right, you can go, you can go

meet up with your boys because your boys have been rescuing civilians planet after planet against this orcua and they are about to get fucked. Oh. That's the main thing is that there have been like five planets in the system against this massive orcua and every time they've been basically just evacuating civilians and going back back back back back, back, losing tons of casualties.

And they said, all right, fuck it. This is our last stand. We're on this final planet. This is the last stand. If we don't get away, we're dead. Wow. And all those civilians, we try to rescue you are dead. But this is our final stand.

And that's when Vulcan arrives and is like, I'm here to save you. And saves a day, yeah. That's what the book was. That was what the book is about. Oh, about Vulcan saving the salamanders from the orquah. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty hardcore that they were actually able to.

You said what they had five planets against an entire orc wah. That's... Yeah, like... That they were able to hold out at all is pretty fucking impressive. And they weren't just completely overrun. I mean, they were... They were overrun, planet by planet, but they were constantly, like, evacuating civilians more and more and more.

It was about 19,000 of the Terenborn Space Marines against over a million orcs, a couple hundred ships, and about a dozen spacehulks. Wow. Yeah. That's no small feat to hold out against that sort of onslaught, that tsunami of orcs. It's a lot. That's hardcore.

So once he did arrive, he brought 3,000 new nocturn raised initiates. And of course, with them arriving in the newly restored vigor of the salamanders, they basically were like, oh, yes, we're here. We could kill the orcs. And then they slaughtered the orcs and murdered them all, you know, battle and all that kind of stuff. Sure. Classic. One Primark and some of his boys are able to turn back a wad. That's not bad.

Not bad, Vulcan, not bad. Well, some of his boys, there was like 20,000 space marines. Yeah, but you're going up against millions of orcs, too. These are space marines, though. That's true. How much do you think, how many orcs do you think one space marine is worth? Thousands? It depends.

That's too much. Are they hand-to-hand? Does they have his guns? Do you have grenades? Does he have tactics, you know, or the orcs being silly? I don't fucking know. Dude, they'll defense.

Okay, okay. He could kill hundreds of orcs if he had a good position and enough bolter rounds. It's true. Vulcan himself could probably take out a good chunk of orcs. Vulcan's playing Dynasty Warriors

with the way he's swinging that hammer around. I love a good Dynasty Warriors reference. I love Dynasty Warriors. I love Warriors games. They're fun. So when he arrived, the first thing they did was Neil before Vulcan. And the first thing Vulcan said was no. Chad.

Chad face side profile, no. No. He said anyone who put themselves so high above the, you know, one, I guess, call of duty, but also actual call duty this time. but spent so much effort and full self-sacrifice in order to save civilians is worthy not to bow between under him so instead he had bid them to rise and then Vulcan bowed to them what a good boy i kind of thought that's where that was going but what a what a what a chad what a what a good lad i can see why you like Vulcan so much he is such a good dude he is He's like, you, the idea of bowing is not, it's to serve respect to those with like bravery and self-sacrifice and spirit.

And I must respect you. You know, he doesn't like the whole bowing thing. Volcan never has. He's very, we don't do that here. Vulcan sees everyone as his equal. Damn, what a good, what a good guy. What a good loyalist prime mark. Mm-hmm.

He's got, he's probably the. best boy we've talked about in terms of like just everything he's he does seem like he's kind of the nicest most honorable and just he's the goodest he's the goodest he if we're talking about the most pure of hearts i absolutely do think vulcan is number one he cares the most for people and civilians the concept of self-sacrifice is like we as space marines have a duty to the wider imperialium our duty is to be there for the overarching Imperium, and that is our job. Our lives do not matter more.

So we will spend them if we must. It actually gave the 18th Legion, also, by the way, it gave the 18th Legion kind of actually a bad rap. Because they assumed that any battle that they were part of was a battle that was going to take overwhelming losses because their want for self-sacrifice and helping people had them fight the toughest battles on the hardest worlds. So they would suffer more casualties than any other chapter

because they were trying to save everybody instead of just looking out for themselves? Absolutely. Wow. What a bunch of chads. What a bunch of good guys. Damn. They're super good, like, they're good boys. They really are.

I just wish their armor looked a little cooler because it's really on the nose with like the salamander dragon vibe. It's with the green. It's really on the nose, and I just, I don't know. I don't like it. I mean, sure, but you know, you're wrong. Anyway, uh, continue. I actually, my, my issue isn't actually the, the fire with it or the dragon stuff.

My issue is actually the, uh, I don't like the, um, I don't like the green. I think the green is a funky looking color. Yeah. I, I, I also do not like the green. It's, I'm painting my, my salamanders with like, uh, like, with, in black armor, but with flame decals and shit, and I'm giving them the red eyes, so it's like kind of... Yeah.

I think it would be good if it was like a darker green. Yeah, the Horacee green is actually a little bit more dark than the current modern green. I mean, it doesn't look that bad, but fire is, it's like orange and red and yellow, and combining that with green just doesn't really do it for me. Agreed. I mean, I get what they were going for.

It's like, hey, look, we're dragons, we're salamanders. Rectilian, green, fire, bleh. But I don't know. I don't like the aesthetic. It's not my favorite thing. But anyway, so once he reunited with the Taryn board, he actually turned the Taryn-born Salamanders into his personal pyre guard. That's the name of this personal guard is called the PireGar, P-Y-R-E. That's pretty cool.

And the main leader who held back the orcassal, a guy named Cassian Vaughn, or Vowen, I don't know, he actually handcrafted him, his own dreadnought. by Volcan's hands called the Iron Dragon Okay So these guys own dreadnod You know, that's his new And that kind of made this thing

Where the Nocturne and Tarynborn Wouldn't be at odds with each other Because he made the Tarynborn His major guard Because they showed such bravery Against this Orkwam So then led into the Great Crusade Now it's time for Vulcan to do Great Crusade things

So the first thing he did was get attached with the Iron Hands and the Death Guard to go deal with a world called Caldera. This is where him and the Primark of the Iron Hands Ferris Maness kind of became kind of friends a little bit. Ferris Manus is also a smithy boy. He likes to make shit. He's also got his own hammer. And so they started kind of getting along a little bit. I don't talk much about Ferris Manx because he's boring, but also because we haven't done an episode on him. Yeah.

Basically, this Caldera World is a weird one. This was actually a world where the Dark Eldar would raid them a lot, but then the Craft World Eldar decided to save them from the Dark Eldar. So then the entire planet became worshippers of the Craft World Eldar. Oh, great. Yeah. Oh, great. Yeah, that's not great.

And then after some time, the Salomoners and the forces arrived in order to deal with them and be their saviors, but then they were like, the Eldar were our saviors. Oh, no, I'm sure Vulcan did not like hearing that. No, so this ended with them, this was kind of a quick

the Calderas' own big battle thing, but the long and the short of it, so I'm going to skip ahead here a bit, is that they found a big old Webway portal on the bottom, and a bunch of these humans were attempting to sacrifice a dark Eldar witch

to ward off them. Oh. And Tolkien was like, oh my God, there's a webway here. Oh, my God. These people are so insane. Okay. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And so then he set the planet on fire.

Oh, I kind of had a feeling that this planet was not going to last long with worshipping Eldar. And there's a webway portal and they've got a witch to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he just lights a match and sets it on fire and just... He ordered them, the population was so far corrupted that they had to be cleansed by flame. Oh, all righty then.

Yes. And it was something he was really upset about. He was not happy about it. And the world had been renamed to Caldera. Hence it was a dead world and it could now have. new human colonists as well but um oh yeah so he was really beat up about having to do it it's not like he wanted to do it it's not like he had a uh a blood feuders oh these are fucking elves i remember what the elves did to me i i and just looking for any excuse he just he did what he had to do

yeah but he he doesn't like he's not like a war person he likes to smith and craft he's a little bit like Prateramo in that way, which is kind of strange. But he doesn't like war because he deems it a cost of human life. There was some quote about like war. Something about like a war is it good for. You know what? Yeah, we'll go with that. Fuck it.

Let's go. War. What is it good for? Vulcan 41. Got to go. The next one area they did, though, they actually went to a planet. known as Where Is My Link? Wow, that's a weird planet.

It's called Where Is My Link? Shut. Shut. Boy, G.W. Really losing touch with how to names these planets. Cariton. Caratin or something. I don't know.

And he got to work with our good, esteemed night lords. Oh. And the Primar Conrad Kurz. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I will boy

I'm sure Vulcan loved hanging out with them boy they must have gotten together and just really seen eye to eye and really been just best buddies eh so in order to bring this planet

under compliance Curz and his group skinned an entire city and broadcasted it across the planet of course they did that sounds like a very night lord Kerr's thing to do sure sure and Vulcan was

none too pleased You don't say Vulcan did not join in the skinning You say? The skinning of Civilians mind you Yep that night lords yep Check that checks that box And check that box

It was like You what? Went to Conrad and said You put only one ice cube in my drink You boy that Yeah I am Is this sort of

where their little, I assume this is where the Conrad Vulcan feud really begins with them and all this night lord skinning shit and just night lords being night lords? Well, so have I ever told you about Vulcan and the Eldar child? I think you've mentioned it. Oh, yeah, Vulcan's a good guy. There's always someone's like, yeah, but what about that thing with the Eldar? and I'm like, I don't know. So basically, during this fight in the planetary city, there were a bunch more craft world Eldar.

And they were, they were going around. These elves follow bulking around. Like, he's an elf magnet. Jesus. They, the group of people on this planet worshipped these, like, witch Eldar as if they were gods. Oh, boy, that's not a good look, but all right, sure. No.

And so if I do a quote from the book here, it says, Vulcan relent him, the fire died and so too the riots, which was now being wrestled under control. A single Eldar witch remained. Her face blackened by soot. Her silver hair singed and burned. She looked up at the Lord of Drake's eyes watering, because a bunch of her fucking people were murdered.

Raged telegraphed in the tightness of her lips and the angle of her brow. The faltering kind shield that had spared her life. I'm assuming to have like a shield. Life crackled and disappeared into ether. She was not much older than a child, a witchling. Teeth clenched, fighting the grief at the death of her coven. The Eldar offered up her wrists in surrender. So during this period of time,

Eldar had someone known as a remembrancer. A remembrance sir back before 40K era and 30K era was kind of like pre-comasar slash scribes slash intelligence. officer. We mentioned them very lightly. Is that where the artist that does the, the elf abs gets their name from?

Drunk, oh shit, you're probably right. Oh man. That's, now I get their name and why they're always drawing elf abs. Very good elf abs too, I might add.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Heresy. Also, this is also when, he had a very friendly remembrancer a personal remenser

named Serif and she was a very nice lady he liked her a lot the thing is that there was a stampede of people and the night lords really wanted to kill some Eldar so they decided to just open up

into the crowd giant stampede of humans and Eldar alike and they were just like well you know sometimes we'll have hit one of them and they all just started gunning down bolts into the crowd because these are nightlords. Oh, boy. Yeah. I mean, again, this, this is really just night lords being night lords, but

man, Vulcan has got to be pissed. I mean, beyond piss. Like, it's not like he was, like, he's already mad because, hey, you skinned a bunch of civilians for no reason. Really wasn't too keen on that. He's got to be fuming. His head must explode. And like, it's like a cartoon Volcano. Canaan? You know? You know how, you know, you know what the words from the night lords are always saying?

Remember, no Russian. Jesus. But one of the stray bolts hit his remembrance sir and killed her. Oh, no. And so this is, this is post this where he sees

this Eldar, angry Eldar after his remembrance sir has been shot and all of her people have been killed and stuff and so Vulcan is like fucking furious yeah and so he saw her last like in this field of dead corpses of humans and everything alike he sees this one eldar witch and so seeing her he went straight to anger and it says quote his eyes blazed embers flickered into infernos the eldar child raised her hands higher defiance turning into fear upon her alien features. Numi and, which I believe was a Salamander's person,

held the others back, warning them with a look not to intervene, glaring down at her Vulcan raised his fist. And then really quickly in his mind it said, don't do it. But then the air turned into fire. And the Eldar's child screams didn't last as they merged with the roar of the flames turning into a horrific cacophony of sound. when it was over

the last Zenos was a smoking husk of burnt meat and Vulcan looked up and met the gaze of the night lords Whoa So Vulcan was like Was like uh oh child Bird snap

Imolated Yeah holy shit Just set this Eldar child a light Which I will state Haunted him for a long period of time he was very upset about what he did because he was like my moment of weakness what have I done?

He gave into rage and just k-tunk yeah he kind of had this like how am I better than curse if I did this shit like you know I know but you get the point like set a child of light yeah I mean

yeah I get it but yes he was none too pleased with Conrad as he went to go confront him and the two of them punch each other a little bit. But eventually he was, Vulcan was like, I'm telling on you.

And he went to, I think, Dorn and Fulgram. Oh, he's a boy scouted him. Well, it's Vulcan. He's a good boy. Yeah, he has a boy scout, isn't he? Yeah. So he went to go tell Vulcan and, not Vulcan,

Vulcan went to go tell Dorn and Fulgram about what had happened and kind of sowed the seeds of anger between the two of them. So, after that came naturally the heresy

the heresy yeah what was Vulcan doing in the heresy I don't quite remember the drop site massacre ah yeah yeah yeah yeah this is where the salamanders took probably the largest amount of casualties they possibly could they were a major

major part of the drop site massacre they were probably the ones that I think maybe took the most casualties Unless the Ravenguard got it worse, but I think the Salameters got bone the most. So much so that Vulcan was like having his brothers just dying all around him. And he was like, because this is Vulcan, so he was like, these are my fucking sons. Yeah. And they're getting this murdered.

And then Ferris Manus got his head cut off by Folgram. Oh, that's, yeah. Who was his buddy. That was his blacksmithing buddy. Mm-hmm. and so his pyre guard were attempting to keep chase and survive with him but they were getting gunned down from every point like around and there's a good picture shy posted a very good one of Vulcan

you know clutching one of his brothers oh yeah he looks a little oh that's where the 360 picture comes from Vulcan forces or Converse Volcan to play Xbox 360 That's true the picture comes from I immediately saw it that I was like, oh no, 360! Black Ops 3 on 360. I hate that

that's immediately where my mind went to when I saw that. I hate it. You've corrupted me with your fucking memes. But to round it all out, the dropside massacre, our good smug asshole, Peter Turbo, you know,

throw the picture of him smiling with the glasses on, shy. You know the image I'm thinking of know the one, Shai. You know the one. Smiley Perchir, Chihuahua, with the glasses. Do the thing, Shai, do the thing. Yay.

Lowell said, Lul said Vulcan. Goodbye, goodbye, child. Oh. But Peter Turbo decided, well, if I'm going to deal with Vulcan in any way, I got to deal with it the proper way. So he decided to nuke him.

Of course he did. And I mean, like, he literally sent like a nuclear warhead and he aimed it at, Vulcan's body. Just like, I don't think you understand. He was like him, him, there, that guy, nuke him, kill him.

Holy shit. Like he was throwing a dart at a dart. That one, right there. Let's get a bull's eye on that one and just, if there's going to be a no kill, like overkill, it's going to be our friend Peter Turbo. That's, that is, yeah, that's a little much. but hey, hopefully you get the job done, buddy.

It's like using a, it's like using an AR-15 to kill an ant. Yeah, it really is like trying to run over an ant with a tank tread. It's like, do you really need all that? Is that necessary? So this, I mean, in a sense, Shia made a good point. She says, is it really overkill if he survived, which he did, of course, because it's Volcanese perpetual,

and we all hate that. Did they actually hit him dead on? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was really close. Okay, I was going to say, if he took that warhead to the chest, if he took that shit to the chest with the chest out, like, I don't know in what fictional world. You're like, yeah, he made it. He's alive. Well, the main thing is that all of his fucking brothers around him didn't live. Oh, yeah.

Primark has a chance to survive one v.1 in a nuke, but maybe not his salivanders. Well, only one Primark has a chance. His name is Vulcan. Sure, because he's a perpetual bricky I know, it's yeah Anyway, so he survived that And once he kind of revived or whatever He found himself surrounded by the night lords

And the iron warriors And so Vulcan kind of resigned himself to fate In a sense of Well, not really resigned himself But he fought to the death But he was eventually overwhelmed And was shot, stabbed And bludgeoned by the night lords

And iron warriors into unconsciousness And now Conrad Kurz, now fully insane, awoke to have him as his prisoner. Had him trapped in chains among the giant Hulk owned by the 8th Legion. And over the span of several months, the night hunter took sadistic pleasure in attempting to break Vulcan's body and mind. Yeah. I remember this part. eventually just to have a good time with it. But the main thing is eventually he did cut his head off in a fit of rage.

And his head like re-grew. I'm assuming like Deadpool style. Oh. It came back because that's the thing. It's the cells regenerates. And this had curs like go fucking crazy even more so. He's like, what? And so he gave his head off.

He ripped out his throat with a piece of cutlery. He stabbed him through the chest. He had his limbs pulled off with his own arms. He had him eviscerated, inflayed. He shot him with a hundred bolters. He put him in a ventilation shaft of the Starship engine. He had him stripped naked and thrown on an airlock. And nothing worked.

So eventually he decided to basically try. He couldn't break his bomb. so he wanted to break his mind to make him feel as insane as he was. Good luck. He wanted to make Vulcan admit that he was no less of a monster. So he put him through unwinnable trials.

He had an entire prisoner section full of civilians that had a giant slab of metal slowly going to crush them. And the only thing keeping it from crushing them was Vulcan holding on the chains, which he couldn't hold on to forever, and

eventually he would let go, and then all these civilians would be crushed under the weight. Oh, boy. That is a hell of a way to break Vulcan, though. Like, if you're going to do it, that's probably the way to do it. He had Vulcan chained up with a bunch of

civilians at a banquet, and just with no food. And he would just sit there watching his mortal prisoners die of starvation and wither away. That's so fucked up. He was trapped in battleplate that he couldn't control and using his own limbs forced him to slaughter and hunt other loyalist Astardis and other salamanders.

Oh. He would have psychers use the ruinous powers to ensnare his mind and make him fight Corvus Korax after a fake rescue attempt. And have him constantly been put in situations where he couldn't save civilians. Oh, man. So, does Vulcan break? Because this sounds like the perfect cocktail of shit Vulcan don't like being done. That he's got a break.

He's got to bend at least a little. Not yet. Now, he goes through all those civilians dying and hunting his brothers down. still ain't broken? So Kurz says to himself, he's like, fuck this, nothing's working. I'm going to throw you in the maze. So he chucked him in the maze

in an idea of like dangling freedom in front of him. Right. Where you need to navigate the labyrinth and in the middle of the labyrinth is his personal hammer called Don Bringer, which has a teleporter in it. Okay.

So this, I mean, this labyrinth, it's impossible. You just can't. You just can't escape it. You can't. Is this the one where in my head I pictured Vulcan just going, I'm the juggernaut bitch and just running through the walls? This is the one, yes. Even though he can't do that.

He can't, but I would just, he's such a big dude, he should be able to. So basically what happened here is that he was about ready to snap. And then the emperor kind of was like, no, be calm, my son, it's okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah. emperor emperor bullshit to calm his mind a little bit and so then Vulcan goaded curs yelling about how um uh he pitied him because he's just a he's just a frightened child stuck in the dark of nostromo uh and how um it's no like even if you were in my position

no one would have given you any love because you're just truly a piece of shit he's right too i mean and he's like even even now in this prison i am still a stronger man than you are. And so Kers was like, all right, talk shit, get hit. And so he opened up a pathway to where the hammer was, in which the two of them decided to fight in one-on-one unarmed combat. Oh. Because Kers was like, fuck you, all right, fuck you.

And he wants to beat his ass with just his hands. Yeah, but Kurs has got no chance against Volker. right in an un-en-like in an unarmed combat Curz has no chance against Vulcan, does he? As much as I love Curz as a character, you are correct. He's gonna get his ass beat. Vulcan, I don't think there has been

a more embarrassing bodying in 40K. Nice. Volcan takes Conrad as in his actual body and throws it at the shield that's keeping his hammer of like, It's stuck there You know the force field He he breaks the shield by taking Conrad

Himself and throwing him at it He Hulk smashes Conrad eh He grabs him and he yeats his actual body Into the fucking force field What the fuck was Conrad thinking He's he's super insane right now remember Granted but it's Vulcan man He's like he's gotta be at least three times Conrad size

He is well known for his prowess in battle. Just look at him. Like, you have no chance. I mean, he's not three times the size. He's like the size of Dorn, but, you know, like. Well, okay, he's, oh, sorry, he's only, like, twice the size of Conrad. Not even that, but yes, he is still much larger. Yeah, he is all big boy.

Damn. God damn, God damn, Conrad, you're such an idiot. You had him. You had him. He's insane. You had him! He's crazy. Now he gets bodied in the most embarrassing way possible because he's stooped.

Oh, you think that's, okay, you think that. So he yeats him into the force field, grabs his hammer. And Conrad is like, you know, naturally, here's the quote. Here's the quote, because I have to. Okay. From Conrad. I know Vulcan, he said, having recovered. some of his composure. Your beacon won't work. This chamber is teleport shielded.

Nothing goes in or out except through that gate behind you. Still trembling with the aftershocks of absorbing the energy field. Curse managed to stand. Did you think you had me broken, brother? Did you believe you have tricked me into letting you escape? He grinned. Hope is cruel, isn't it? Yours was false, Vulcan. Vokin says, you're right, he conceded. holding up Dawn Bringer so you could see it. I fashioned it as a teleporter, a means to escape even a prison such as this. I counted on you leading me here, on you needing to face me one last time. It seems I was fooled into thinking you hadn't planned for this.

I lowered the weapon and let the weight of its head pull the half down until my hand was wrapped around the very end of the grip. But you're forgetting one thing. leaned in as if eager to hear my words. He believed that he had had me that I would never escape his trap and says, quote, what's that brother? And Vulcan responds with, it is also

a hammer. And then he beats his ass. The blow caught him across the chin, a savage of swim that took Kerr's off his feet and put him on the ground again with the sheer force of impact.

Oh, dear. He got to one knee before I hit him again, this time across his left shoulder blade where I split his pardron in half. Holy shit. And then after that, he was like, bye, blip. After, I mean, once I heard that from Conrad, I was like, oh, man. I was like, this is the part where he gets bitch slapped with a hammer. This is the part where Vulcan is just like, dude, I have been waiting. to get back at you and just dunks on him.

And you can just, we've all seen a superhero movie where someone gets uppercut and they just go flying into the air. That's Conrad. So at the end of this little fight, Vulcan is in a position where you can kill Kerr's and Kerr's is like, fucking do it. Fucking do it, loser.

Like kill me, come on, pussy. And Vulcan says, quote, I choose to stay behind. I wanted to hurt you. But most of all, I wanted to. to know I could spare you. We are alike, Conrad, but not like that. Never like that.

But if I see you again, I will kill you. And then he teleports away. Also, I imagine leaving Conrad alive is a lot worse because now Conrad just has to live with his shame. Well, Conrad also, I think this also gives him a bit more of his justification. Because he's like, once again, I'm alive. Because I'm going to die by the assassin,

because this is how fate is and yada yada. It's more vindication. So Vulcan teleports away and he teleports to the homeworld of the Ultramarines, McCrogg. Oh, okay. But he doesn't quite teleport where he wants.

Okay. He teleports in the upper atmosphere. Uh-oh. In which he begins to fall. Uh-oh. Well, he survived in nukes. Falling through the atmosphere should be no big deal. You're right. In fact, he burnt to a crisp and died. Oh, well, okay, never mind. I guess it is a pretty big deal. Okay, well, that's a...

He was a meteor. He literally respawned on the top and he slowly got pulled back into the fight and he's like, oh no, he starts burning up. He died the way he was born as a fiery meteor from heaven. that's got to be such a fucking that is that is an immediate twist of fate it's like yeah I got my hammer back I fucking bodied Conrad let's get out of here blip

a burns to a crisp in the atmosphere oh man that sucks and is that just the end of him until he responds again or no so after that after he came back through

It was assumed he was dead But then He wasn't he came back alive Because of course he did Sure And then at that period of time afterwards He was like This whole part is a little bit

Difficult for me There's a lot of shit going on Here like he He burns to a crisp But then he wakes up And he's like Totally insane Oh great

Because of the insane Vulcan great Because of the one the Conrad shit and also because he had to deal with the physical pain of burning to a crisp and upper atmosphere. Yeah, that, yeah, burning alive, burning to death is probably make it a little insane, sure. This is actually why Conrad came back and he hid among the Dark Angels ship playing among us because he wanted to get to the surface of McCragg in order to kill Vulcan again.

Oh God. Oh, Conrad, just leave it alone, man. Well, he got there. He made it. Yeah. Remember when Lionel Johnson was like, all right, Gilman, I want to blow up your planet so I can kill Conrad. And Gilliman's like, what? That's right. I forgot all about that. Killiman, you what?

You what? You what? No, you daft idiot. So I'm going to paraphrase a lot of this shit because this stuff is really weird. It was like Conrad tried to get him and they did fight, I think. And then this other perpetual guy named John Grammaticus, who was a part of a Zenos group called the cabal, stabbed him with this weird glass thing made from the emperor's psychic power. And it stabbed Vulcan and killed him what appeared to be permanently.

Okay. That's a lot of information to process. very quickly. Long story short, he got shanked by this grammaticus guy with a fancy, pancy metal,

or glass thing, and that was supposed to kill him totally. But it did. But, so they put him in his casket and all this stuff. After fighting off

a bunch of death guard and people, bring him back to Nocturam to Mount Deathfire. And they lowered his sarcophagus in the lava, you know, the final thing.

But at this period of time, there was a salamanders guy known as Ardolus Numian, who was like, there's no way Vulcan's dead, no way, no how, I don't believe it kind of thing. And he was the one who started off the Vulcan Lives concept. Stomp, Stomp, Stomp, got you. He was the one who first said Vulcan lives, you know, like he's not dead. Vulcan lives. I'm not quite sure the logic in this one, but he was. went to Mount Deathfire himself and decided to kill himself.

By walking into the fire to sacrifice himself to rebirth Vulcan. Okay. Basically some other sergeants of the space marines got on their jet bikes because they realized he was missing and went to go find him. And they found this figure in the desert, which they thought was him, but it was actually Vulcan. And they were like, oh my God, Vulcan lives. There he is. He's alive. Oh, my God.

He comes back. He's like, oh, my God, emperors on the throne. He goes up to Rogel Dorn. And he's like, Rogel Dorn, hello. I'm going to give you a hug. And Rogel's like, don't do that. And then he gives him a hug. Then he gives him a hug anyway.

And he's like, oh, Rogel. If I'm wrapping this up quickly, Vulcan fights a bunch of fucking crazy-ass orcs. I think he, he, like, takes the leader out in a thermonuclear explosion that kills Vulcan. Oh. And now Vulcan is on his respawn timer. Okay.

It is believed by the salamanders that when they discover all of the artifacts from a tome that Vulcan left behind, that he will return to them. Yeah, it sounds more like his perpetualness has made the story of him much more convoluted and unnecessary. I agree. Like it all just sounds like a big bloated mess of nobody knows what the fuck is going on and we're just making it up as we go. I fucking love Vulcan. He is a glimmer of true humility, humanity, and the importance of the civilian life in a world of never-ending war.

But I think the way they handle his story particularly post-heresy, I'm not a huge fan of. I agree 100%. As soon as the perpetual shit came into play, it was like, oh, everything just got really stupid. I don't mind the perpetual stuff when it came to the Conrad torturing. Yeah. Because that actually, I think, solidified the concept of the character. Like, it's not about Vulcan's body anymore. It's about Vulcan's mind.

And it's about Conrad's mind going crazier. Like, oh, that part's interesting. Yeah. But everything past that. I mean, I guess it's kind of funny that he burns to a crisp and upper atmosphere of a cross. Fuck. But even so. I'm sure there will be a couple people who are upset with me that I'm abridging this so heavily.

But it's really not the important part of Vulcan in my opinion. The important part about Vulcan is he's a great character with a so-so story. The thing that makes him really good is just his sheer importance and kindness. And his humility and the fact that he isn't like all the other prime arcs where they deem themselves so above everybody, he deems himself an equal. Yeah. He would just as easily sacrifice himself for his battle brothers. Like the fact that his battle brother is getting murdered all along alongside him during the dropside massacre, like that'll hit him more than it'll hit anybody else. Yeah.

And also it is. It transfers into the salamanders as an army more so. like both on the tabletop and in lore, the salamanders have a huge emphasis on self-sacrifice and the importance of civilians. They're the only Space Marine Legion that actually can remain in touch with their family. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, Shai said we'll talk about the salamanders

and how that translates them in the next episode. Oh, yeah, that's just a little tease. Teaser? Oh, you tease. Oh, you tease. Oh, you tease you. We'll talk more about the sallies and stuff and anything that I any I mean if the comments have anything that they'd like me to mention in the next one involving Vulcan I'm sure the comments have nothing to say they're always talking

about how perfect you are and how you hit every every mark that they want to hear you're fine just something that may be a good quote or something funny kind of like the con where he's like I hear you do weird things to your warriors full grim that stuff. Anyway, this is Vulcan. I'm sure Shy is livid angry because she's going to have to edit such a long episode. But you know what?

It's Vulcan. How am I going to keep this shit under an hour? I mean, I feel like when the both of you decided, hey, let's do Vulcan and the Salamanders, shy had to know she was getting into like, okay, that's, that's Brickie's thing. That's one of his favorite primarks, favorite space Marines,

is going to be a bigon. Well, yeah. Also, I get to talk about Kurz more, which I always like and we get to talk about Perchirabo launching a nuke at him. Anywho, anywho,

speaking of nuclear endings, thank you so much for watching this episode of the Adeptus podcast, right to the chest, nuclear warhead, DK, I'm going to torture you,

and when you come back, and when you come back to life, I'll remind you that anime is not real. Well, how's new anime wasn't real? That's that's that's that's that's that's me hitting you over the head with a hammer. It's like I always knew it wasn't real Boom and then you go flying like it's it's also it's also a manga

It's you over the head with the hammer. No This is stupid. I don't like this anymore. I'm leaving yep. I'm done We'll see next episode