Adeptus Ridiculous - War Of The Beast: And They Were Roommates | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousThe War of the Beast continues as a moon-sized Ork monstrosity suddenly appears in the skies above Terra, causing mass panic and riots that kill thousands of citizens. While the High Lords flounder, Juskina Tull, Speaker for the Chartist Captains, proposes a "Proletarian Crusade," mobilizing a massive fleet of civilian and merchant ships to assault the Ork moon. The crusade successfully lands on the moon's surface, but it is a trap; the terrain itself shifts and grinds, destroying the human forces.​Following the disaster, three unarmed Orks, calling themselves "ambassadors," land on Terra and demand the Imperium's surrender in perfect gothic. Before the High Lords can respond, the Imperial Palace is rocked by an attack, not from the Orks, but from Eldar Harlequins. Led by Shadowseer Lhaerial Rey, they deliver a message from Eldrad Ulthran, warning of the greater threat of Chaos and presenting a gift from the lost Primarch Vulkan—the tooth of a Nocturnian salamander.Support the show

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diomonti's, his name is Bricky. And hello again, Karioth. We know why you're here. But before I get into that, if you want to support the channel monetarily, maybe heading over to patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous, where you can get access to the Discord, bloopers if they happen. $15 tier gets you access to all of our posters in just the crispiest digital form ever.

Patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. and Bricky and Kiryoth. We have a new poster today. It's poster time. It is a poster day. A poster day. It is a poster day. I'll be honest.

I was going to have a guess. I'm not going to click it yet. Okay. I'm just, I feel as if we have gone against the grain a lot and like before the, oh, here's a poster that Bricky, to make Bricky upset is no longer the case. Now we're just kind of all over the place now. So I have, what's popular now?

Depending on how you look at it, it could make you upset, I suppose. Ah, screw it. I'm opening it up. I do like the statement, what's popular now? That's the oldest you've ever sounded. Oh, oh, that's so, oh, this is fine. This is tasteful. I'm all right with that. I was going to say the only reason it might upset you is because it is Eldar adjacent.

No, no, Dracari, you're sick. That's fair. That's fair. They are. I was on the the lore crimes podcast recently, and we did a ranking every faction based on how good their lore is. Very funny to have every one in that group be like thousand sons in the bottom. Wow. Yeah, it was and spaceful test here felt very good.

Got that. Definitely a spaceful agenda being pushed there. But Droucari was the only elf faction we put an A as a craft world went B. but yeah, Dracari were A and I think it was pretty cool. I'm cool with Dracari. They're neat. And I like Baldur's Gate. I like Shadowheart.

She's pretty cool. Yeah. Also, what the hell, lore crimes? You have Bricky on to talk about what faction is coolest by lore and you have me on for a feet tier ranking? This is completely normal. This is completely acceptable. I was going to say that tracks. That tracks extremely.

Not to mention the simple fact that like, you know, D.K. We mostly spoke about like the. lore crime guys M.Preg in my episode, so it's pretty on brand. Oh, no, we talked about that too. And the copious amounts. Yeah, no, I got that too. I'm trying to get them one of their,

I'm trying to get them to do like a King of the Hill image by all of them, Mpreg, and then sell that as a shirt. Where would someone buy a shirt like that, Bricky? Or the poster even. Very good point. We can get that stuff down in the description at Orchid 8. you can go ahead and check it out on the Adempts ridiculous section you can go click the link in the description it'll take you right there you can go ahead and get yourself a poster or all the other awesome things like dice hoodies get some um cool desk mats and so on oh i love so on it's the best bit to sew them indeed you i mean the sewing it on is what makes the design you know yeah also uh you know we're reading the carcarodon's books though i must say

the new Tomb World Necron book has released, and I am very excited for another ranking of Necron's an S-tier. There might be M-Preg in that one, too, shy. You don't know. Who knows? I don't know what the enemies are. It's true. Listen, the effects of Rebecca Ford from Warframe are long-lasting. Don't put this on, Rand.

I'm going to say that's harsh blame going on right there. Yeah, but I feel like she'd accept it. I feel like she'd be okay with the statement. Yeah, probably. Also, I was going to say, who up warring their beast? Damn, she warring my beast till I slaughter. Yes, she do. That's so stupid.

Waring my beast till I slaughter, baby. Hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah, brother. So what's the quote, Karioth? I got an itching feeling I can get this one. Do we even have a quote? Fully enough we've abandoned quotes from the first book on because I feel like you did it every time. But that's a weakness.

That's a weakness period. Because I throw a curveball and actually next week isn't more of the beast at all. And then see what happens. I got to be honest. I have been like giddy excited about this. I am genuinely. I played through the battle. Field 6 campaign recently.

And it is like such a hot garbage. It is absolutely the most. Like the gameplay is actually pretty fun. Like there's some pretty good shooty bang bang, don't get me wrong. But the actual like the script. Oh my God.

Holy hell is it bad. So now you're just looking for something to compare it to. It's just fantastic. I am, I had such a. great time just like enjoying this this shit fest and so i've been all rearing to go for today because i'm like yay more shit fest let's go feed me more slop i demand more i need more slap i need it we need it well there's there's something that i don't i wanted to uh i wanted to just quickly catch us up on

because i don't think i mentioned last week that the the title of last week script was war in peace. Excellent start for that. Pappasum. And the title for this week's is World of the Beast part two, World War I. So you can expect hopefully more puns coming on down the next two weeks.

Lovely. World War I is excellent. It's very good. So instead of a quote, what I'm going to do is ask you what you remember from last week's episode. And it's been specified, apart from slaughter, it's been specified. No looking at book covers for the rest

of these. That's it now. You can't look at them. You're not allowed to view them. You've got to stay away from the book covers. Okay. Okay. That's fine. I can do that. What do I remember? Slaughter, Imperial Fists. Last World Protocol. Yep. Dorn, Dorn, Dorn. Dorn bringing the gang back together. All the Imperial Fists got like murdered. Mm-hmm. As long as you could say. You could say slaughtered.

Uh, or attack moons are dispensing large amounts of troops over, because of moonfall, the, um, the movie. Uh, that was a very key part. I remember, yeah, moonfall. Moonfall, the movie was a big part of it. I, oh, the, the grand master, the vicious ass norm is being, being kind of a, a shitter or they're being weird They are

A bit sneaky, bit sneaky here and A bit sneaky get Um That's yeah Sussie Baca the technical term I think That's about the most I can remember Can you remember what we ended on The clitangar that we left on

Yeah the the orcs were back in like full force Like Was it like Was it right over Tara As they were like having like a big celebration thing. They were like, hooray, the orcs are dead. Hooray, hooray. And it's like, no. Yeah, yep, you've nailed it.

They were on a big parade to celebrate, taken out what they thought was part of the invasion, or was part of the invasion. They got rid of an attack moon. That's impressive. And then a bigger one appeared directly over terror, mid parade, and everything went slightly pear-shaped, I think is the term. So we're going to pick up from... Who the hell says that?

What do you mean is the... If I just dropped it. I feel like I've actually heard that one before. Is that another British ism? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, pear shaped. If something's gone pear shaped, it's all gone wrong.

I feel like that's, yeah, I've actually heard that one. Really? Yeah. That seems, that seems right. Or I'm just out of my mind. I could be. I mean, full of beans is my personal favorite, but. Okay, yeah, sure.

All right, no, that's fine. I'm becoming more and more, you know, cultured by the day. I thought you're going to say acclimatized or affected. That works, too, I guess, yeah. So we'll pick up where this massive attack moon showed up over terror. Now, all things considered, if something were to make an attempt on the throne world, it would likely be handled immediately and the presence of it would probably be barely a blip on the radar, right? By all accounts, it's a lot harder to hide a moon-sized monstrosity that has suddenly appeared in the sky. Not only did this ruin Lansung's Super Fun parade,

but it also struck fear into the citizens of terror. Hully justified, in my opinion. The planet was thrown into borderline anarchy. Riots broke out everywhere, people were rushing to hide, and the Al-Bites were in a bind. They did their best to restore. order, but there was a massive amount of disarray, and thousands upon thousands of citizens died, while the high lords were hiding behind locked and barricaded doors in the Imperial Palace. So we mentioned in the previous episode that many of the frontier worlds of the Imperium were in a situation where they needed help, and help didn't come. And the only worlds that seemed to stand a chance were the Astati's home worlds, all the

worlds that were completely uninhabited. This was the case with terror as well. The fleet was spread out far too thin and far away. The space marines were all fighting their own wars to protect their own homes, and worst of all, the greatest ally to mankind had gone silent, because upon arrival of the attack moon, all communication with Mars had ceased, and Fabricator General Kubic had no information to offer at all, which meant that terror was, by all accounts, completely alone.

Heck yeah So wait What happened to Mars? Yeah They're just not picking up the phone Yeah It's not answering The Fabricary General is in fact

Not calling a call to call He's just not having it He's busy He doesn't want anything to do with it Go away Really? Like I mean Surely Mars can see

Or has noticed that Oh wow Look at all them orcs And realize that something is probably wrong. Like even if they can't see it, surely it's 40K, they've got sensors that are blaring about crazy

Xenos presence in the near vicinity, right? I mean, lying by omission is being done here. I'm very positive we will be getting there soon. Gotcha. Right now it seems to be a case of, well,

your planet, your problem. You deal with it. We're not going to answer the phone. kind of harsh but you know given the state of everything can kind of i think can kind of understand it a little bit maybe things are tough right now you know so it's a weird way to keep the treaty going but sure well you don't need a treaty if the person you got a treaty with it's just been like tough yeah yeah so the high lords were in a predicament lansung despite having his parade was an absolute coward and he was in a state of uncertainty as to the size of this

monstrosity above terror since it was so much larger than the one that he had faced, and he thought the best thing to do was to be as defensive as possible. As for the riots, they argued whether or not they should deploy the astramalitarum, but that was swatted down. All eyes went to the Ecclesiarch, as he said that disorder was heresy, and he was asked, point blank, well, why don't you try addressing the crowds or something? But it's kind of difficult to pacify a full planet. We're going to cut back to this in a moment. So back above Fal, the words the final wall has fallen had just been uttered

by our boy slaughter slash call and Parsons said that's going to be used interchangeably and boy does he, in a room full of successor chapter masters and the reaction to this statement was a bit conflicted. Some like Bowman of the Black

Templars found the call to be welcome in this time, while others like the Crimson Fists and the Exorriators were a bit more conflicted. They felt that their ranks would not agree to a coordinated effort, but autonomy was promised to them. There wouldn't be a full merging of the chapters, they would all remain as they were, but they would fight as one. Then they had to decide who was going to lead and what the front would be. Without hesitation, obviously, Bowman said that

he'd take the reins, as the Black Templars had laid crusades against the orcs in the past. Slaughter disagreed with this, and he believed that he should lead alongside Bowman, and not only that, but he also knew what the front would be. Per Coland's data at that moment, the most alarmingly underprotected place turned out to be Holy Terra itself, and the lack of an attack moon, the data takes a bit clearly,

means that it was ripe for the picking, and Slorcer made this very clear. So I've got something for you to read here, D.K. All right. The Imperial Fists do not exist outside of this chamber. The final wall has fallen, and now Terra is. is on the verge of falling to.

Then he chose to speak the obscene. Perhaps it has. He paused again. But what I said a moment ago is a lie. How can it be? Because the black templar stand, the crimson fist stand, the excoriator stand,

the fists exemplar stand, I stand. The sons of Dorn in their thousands are gathering to begin their greatest crusade since the heresy. The imperial fists live on in me, in you, and in the war we are about to wage.

If Terra falls, the Imperium must and will live on. We will avenge Terra. We will reclaim Terra. And annihilate every Lazzenos brute who has dared walk its surface. He beat his fist once against his breastplate. He had not yet sought to have any repairs done to the visible damage on his armor. He used its scars now. When the successor chaptermasters looked at him, they saw the worst thing that could happen.

and they saw the survival beyond that worst thing. That's a leader's speech. Yeah. Come on. That's not bad. It's pretty good. That's pretty good. I've ride behind that.

It's all right. Yeah. It's fine. I like that. But the idea of that being all the different chapter masters, it's like, yeah, yeah. That'll do. Sure. I guess that's an okay speech.

You know, this is a comic book movie. It's a movie about a specific superhero. and then there's a world-ending threat. But since it's a movie about a specific guy, Superman's shot showing up even though he should. Yeah. Where are all the other space marine chapters, indeed. Yeah, exactly.

All right. Is that ever brought up or is it genuinely just, yeah, I mean, the ultramarines are, you know, about three months warp travel too far away because they're out doing shit in the outer rim. Like, is that ever brought up or is this just like accepted that this is all the people, that's officially the only ones who are here.

Funnily enough, it is, kind of addressed a bit later on where you get a couple of specifics. So it looks like they have tried to kind of go, look, there's a reason why everyone hasn't just turned around and come to terror. Don't think about it too much. They're over here. It's fine. Don't worry about it. I mean, they did that in, you know, the Horace heresy. Like in the siege of terror, getting the ultramarines out of there and the dark kings out of there was a very large part of the plan. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Well, without much hesitation after that inspiring speech, the sons of dawn unanimously agreed, that they would unite as one and they would form the line on terror.

Shy that, we're going to come back to that later. On terror, something hadn't happened. It hadn't actually been invaded at this point. So for several days, the Ork Attack Moon had just hung menacingly above the throne world. That lack of activity prolonged the terror on the surface, and the deaths at this point reached the hundreds of thousands, as there was rioting and just general general chaos

and it was to the point where Dracan Vangerich wished he could tell the green skins that all they needed to do was hang out up there and Terra would just do the job for them but I like Dracana all the characters so far he is he's definitely sneaky he's definitely up to stuff

but he also seems the most grounded and sensible all of all of them he's just like oh come on Someone sort this out, please. Yeah. In the chambers of the 12, though, one person had a very direct plan to deal with all of this. So Juskina Tull, who is the speaker for the charter's captains, which is the representative of the merchant fleets, she proposed the following, which was to take the fight to the orcs.

Vansung said, I guess you have some brilliant way to do this without the Imperial Navy, and Tull said, yeah, she actually does have a good plan. So in Tull's eyes, the defence of the Imperium was not just the responsibility of the Navy, the Militarum, or the Astartees, but it was also the responsibility of every citizen in the Imperium, and that if the call to save the throne world was to come, no one would decline it. The merchant fleet and other ships could rally together from the corners of the Sol System and form a direct armada against the attack moon, and basically just serve as transports for the Astromilitarum to the surface of the moon itself,

which is a mad plan from someone in the merchant navy, but I love it. That's insane, but I mean, I'm kind of cool with it because, you know, it's over terror and you got to deal with what you got to deal with. Yeah, you got to have to. So to Tull, this was the hour of the proletarian crusade. Tull expected rousing applause instead got total silence. Van Gerech is quite literally sitting there, just silently processing the implications of the plan because the scale of its madness was so vast

it outstripped horror I mean it's not that mad at plan it's better than anything anyone else has come up with come on it's better than literally nothing I mean I'm sure they got some kind of dark age technology things somewhere in the backdrop but that's probably going to like blow the planet up

so like ah it's just throw ships at it instead that's probably safer eventually the Lord Commander militant Veriolts was on board. One other key person was also on board, which was Ecclesiarch measuring. He believed that when great sacrifices were called for, faith and inspiration were more vital than ever. Despite the madness of the plan, the 12 were swayed, and the call to arms was made clear. So I've got something

for you, Bricky? Oh, yippee. The father of mankind has been your shield and your sword for millennia. Will you show your gratitude? Will you stand for Holy Terra? Will you answer the call of the God Emperor? Ecclesiarch Messring's voice rang out from the wall-mounted Vox speakers. His words were heard throughout the Imperial Palace, even in the arbitrator's bunkhouse dormitoria. The recruitment call looped. Dormitoria? Yeah, man. Dormitoria? Are you

kidding me? The damn, the damn like, um, uh, meme of, uh, of like, uh, Warhammer fans when you say you're going to the bathroom instead of the poopintaria, uh, shittentor. Like, the porcelainarium, obviously. Yeah, the porcelainarium shititarium. Like, what do you? Yeah. Dormitoria. Come on. And for some reason, I could be totally wrong on this, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone got annoyed about that because dormitory actually is like the, that, the root. is Latin or something. It feels like it could be something like that where they've just gone, yeah, we'll change that as well. Why? Why? No, I don't think that's going to be the case at all. I think what's going to happen is I'm going to say this and then some person who knows history

and or Latin is going to be like, well, Bricky, dormitory is actually what they used to call it back in the day. So truly, this is a smart name for it. And then I'm going and I'm going to beat them with hammers. hang on chalia dormitoria is a species of small limpet-like sea snail a marine gastropod mollusk in the family hippoconid the hoof snails oh there you go crazy great no no brickie the wolf time is not a 40k thing it's not ragneroc is actually a real part of norse mythology i'm like bro it's called the wolf time i just i just i just assumed man Damn, we wolfen.

We wolfen. Wait, okay, hold on. I don't care. I don't get it's real. I'm not having it. No, I need a, I need a small segue here. I did you, I did not know this until I went on the Lord Crimes podcast. Did you know that the wolfen is not a name they gave the disease, but it's named after a guy named Wolfen?

I'm assuming that's the first case of. Is that, is that, is that genuinely, is that genuinely, is that genuinely, is that genuinely, I mean, true. Why does that not sound so outrageous to me that G. Dub would do that. That's what the, that's what the law crimes boys said, is that it's actually named after, like, a dude who has, whose name is like Wolfen when he fought Russ. And that was like a whole thing. I don't remember the exact specifics, but I'm sure someone in the comments can, can explain it a bit more. But there is, it is another one of those moments.

I hate it. I hate it. I don't like that. I was already annoyed about the whole Land Raider thing. That was already too much. You can't be doing that with Wolfen as well. Oh, no. Land Raider, I'm kind of okay.

Yeah, it is said that Lehman Russ is, it is said that Lehman Russ puts the cup of Wolfen, given this vessel to his original followers, the first man from Fenris to join the ranks of the Sixth Legion and told them to drink from the cup. Amongst the chosen was a Yarl named Wolfen. There you go. Come on. Confirms. You see, the Land Raider one I'm pretty okay with only because

he Master of Mankind is actually played for giggles. Yeah, and he hates it. Yeah, and Arkin Land is like, this is stupid. Like, that's funny. I'm okay with it. This one, there's no excuse. We did put Space Wolves in S tier for Wolvermore, but this one, there's no excuse. Drop him to sea.

Swrap him with a thousand sons. Straight down. It's the seesaw effect. You've got to have one up there. And if you're going to be putting a guy called Wolf in and name the wolf on after him, it's got, they've got to go down. There's nothing else to do. Yeah, well, unfortunately, Logan Grimnar moves too fast in Terminator Armour,

so he was able to run back to S-tier with Wolf. Fair, that's so true. ...dragging his ass back down. Lore accurate. Anyway, anyway, so yeah, the Ecclesiarch naturally, he's given a lovely evangelical speech. Yep, yep. And it's going. out there. But elsewhere, just to answer your previous question about where the hell is everyone else,

we get a bit of a view as to what's happening in the galaxy right now when it comes to the orcs. So on Ultramar, the sons of Gileman were tied down and unable to do anything. The blood angels were able to successfully take down an attack moon, but they were too far away to provide any sort of aid to terror. The only loyalist chapter that had any units to spare with the iron hands, who sent three companies towards terror, but they were too far out. Basically, any way you can think of it was important, there was an attack moon. That's pretty much how the orcs dealt with it. It was just fling attack moons at pretty much everybody.

Well, I mean, if you've got that many attack moons, I guess that's what you would do with them. Just throw them at everything. Sure. Seems like a good ork plan. They're a repress. If it works, it works. Hair quotes. So on the far fringes of the moon.

Maelstrom, a Black Templar Crusade reported to Corland and Bowman that they could not withdraw because they had just encountered the orcs as well as the Iron Warriors, because it turns out not just the loyalists who were in trouble. This grand company of Iron Warriors was under the watchful eye of Warsmith Calcutor. Now, you're going to need to remember his name later. Of course the Black Templars are out there in the Maelstrom. You know they wouldn't go anywhere near the female strum. So true. So true.

I mean, it's pretty. I mean, the works are a threat to everyone and the Iron Warriors are not a fan. What is that image, Shai? That is obviously a horse vomiting. That's so much vomit. Well, it is a horse. What the hell is this? So, you know, thanks, shy.

Good God. All right. All right. So I was waiting to make that joke the whole time. What was the name of the Iron Warrior again? Calcuton. Calcutor, thank you. Slaughter number two.

So that was a quick shift to other things, right? Well, speaking of quick, the assembling of the proletariat crusade was fairly quick in itself. The largest mobilization of imperial civilians was rushed due to the unknown factor of the attack moon. There was no set time frame. They just had to act as fast as possible. They amounted thousands of ships, but there was very little, by the way of armour and weapons. The goal was to breach the moon's defences, drop the militar and payload, and tear the moon apart from the inside. Great plan. So the fleet, to be fair, absolutely blitzed the defences of the moon. The orcs sent fighters towards the armada at all sides, but much like the Imperial Armada, the orcs weren't firing as much as they could. I mean, they had a neat little trick, if we remember. They could send even the smallest of ships out to teleport auks on board without trouble. This proved to be a mistake, though, because these vessels were filled to the teeth with Astromilitarum, and the radicalized Fraterus militia that was formed thanks to the ecclesiastical call to arms. Battles broke out on board the ships, but the armada didn't stop. And even with the ships they picked off, the orcs could not stop the. utterly massive tide of humans. One ship ran the gauntlet and proved that landing on the moon was possible, the militant fire. Fuelled by the dream and followed by hundreds more nutcase vessels,

the militant fire brought the vision of Jusinka Tull to the orcs. This is such a good reversal of what you'd expect from an orcish invasion. I actually quite like it. Remind me again, because I may be getting my timeframes missed up. What millennia is this? So this is after heresy, but before like 40K. This is the weird in-between times. Before we had a proper emperor-based, you know, like religion going up. But it's like catching steam. Is it 33, 34?

Because you said fraternist militia. And I'm like, that means this is pre-Douged Van Dyer, yeah. There we go and just double check. So we are 544 M32. Okay, so it is because I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure sisters and Van Dyer was like 36 or something, 35, 30s. Okay, so because you said Fratters, militia, and then, you know, I will not have men under arms is the, you know, that's the whole thing. Yep.

Okay, interesting, interesting. So, yeah, I mean, we love a good, whipped up, you know, down with GDI type thing. You're a little militia group there. I love that. Well, I don't know the timeline at all. is like, is this 35, 36, and I'm like, I don't know, it's some time before that happened.

There you go. Easy keep track of. So the march on the moon begins. Over 100 Lehman-Russ battle tanks, all the variants, 50 chimeras, 40 hellhounds, they formed a massive wall on the attack moon, and the unrelenting push began.

The orcs just broke against the wall of Imperial armor, like foam on rocks, but they kept coming. Line after line, orc after orc, it was a hellish barrage, but the barrage of the Crusaders was like a human tide. There is a description of what happened to an orc war boss, for example, from the perspective of arbitrator Galatia Hass and commissar Declan Seva. What a name. There you go, D.K.

The Laz did nothing against its armor. but then there were hands pulling her and Sever out of its path, and a storm surge of crusaders brandishing bayonets crashed into the monster. It roared at them, smashed heads to pulp with its hammer, but they kept coming in endless desperate frenzy. There were so many. They climbed over each other as they struck at the ork. Haas made it to her fleet.

Sever was already up, exhorting the civilians who streamed by on either side, buffeting him in their rush. She witnessed the impossible. An orcs submerged by the human tide. Dozens of crusaders died, but they trampled the orc to death. Damn. That's so funny. How does it feel?

Ork bastard. How does it feel? I mean, orcs would never trample someone to death. That's not fun enough. That's true. You don't get to savor it enough, right? Yeah. Might dance on them a bit, but no, not just a straight trample.

That's fair. Again, like, there's so many people on this moon that they trampled an armoured orc war boss to death. The humans were advancing, the orcs were retreating. To the people that continued to advance, they viewed this as a victory. But there was just one problem with this. It's an attack moon, but an attack moon is not a natural celestial body. And although the surface had an atmosphere and was traversable, it didn't mean that it wasn't

a war machine. As the humans began to slide towards the doors that the orcs were escaping into, it was suddenly as if the mountains were sliding along with them. The ground beneath the feet of the humans began to shake, as if it were a machine that came to life. The surface of the moon was beginning to change. The hills and the mountains ground up like teeth in a drill. It was a massive trap. There was nowhere to run, the terrain shuffled, and the surface of the moon

tore the once glorious armada to shreds. Oh. Just a tectonic plate is like, all right, have that dealt with. Pretty much. Yeah, they got 40 chest. By orcs of all people. I know. I mean, I mean, this, you know, there's an orcmecker too who's like, this is my crumping machine.

And then they just, you know, just crump them the bits. Oh, this is just completely like adjust the mountain and it falls on them or something. I mean, that's pretty orky. True. True, true. I thought you were going to say it literally just like, oh, yeah, it's just Unicron style, a mouth opened up on the planet. I don't know what Unicron is.

Unicron D's, anyway. I mean, there's the big fat emperor's children, dude. It's true, yeah, there's the big Latin space. That's Unicron. That's a, it's a space. It's a planet that eats other planets. It's a Cybertronian planet that eats planets. That's its fuel.

If it's cyboronium, does that mean transformers? Yeah, transformers. That's their like home planet. Oh, okay. I mean, I liked it more when it was a, when it was like a car. They still have cars and jets, F-15 Eagles and such, you know. Do you know that the StarScream magic card, the moment you start losing becomes substantially worse? It's very funny.

That's so Starscreen clotted. Yeah. I love that, actually. So the terrain that changes on the moon, that is visible from terror. That's how significant a shift it was. And what followed that was silence. While dealing with the horrors from the security of the Imperial Palace, the 12 picked up the signal of one terran ship approaching terror whilst transmitting coats.

And it was the militant fire, that first ship that landed on the moon itself. It was permitted to land on terror and was met by Van Gogh. Vangaric and his entourage of Lucifer Blacks. The captain stepped slowly out, and when asked if he escaped, the captain said, No, they wanted to be escorted to the senatorum. The they in question were three orcs. Van Gerech discerned that it was a leader and two subordinates, and they were wearing leather with the signs of orc lands,

but it looked like formal wear, and the orcs were unarmed. And when asked what they were, the captain of the militant firemen, said a terrible word, ambassadors. Oh, sneaky blood X gets. Ork ambassadors, huh? Oh, boy.

And extremely non-Orky, but I can definitely see that as like a blood X play. Yep, definitely. Go full sneak. Full duplicitous sneak. That is wearing all purple. I think would actually make the close?

Both is invisible, though. Mind you, could be into that. So Van Gerech brought the entire group to the senator and explained that they were ambassadors. When the disgusted high lords asked if the captain of the vessel was their interpreter, the lead orc said in perfect Gothic, don't need an interpreter. We tell you how to surrender. You surrender. Easy. All right, that's a little more orky. That's what you'd expect from an orc. That's way more on brand. We're getting a little more orky now. The leader introduced himself as Bezrak and he said that the great beast had the humans

by the guts. If the human struggled, he'd ripped them out. But if the humans surrendered, they could keep them. Generous. He asked them to choose and to choose now. The High Lords, funnily enough, just began shouting left and right. Zero cohesion. Some left and refused to speak. Others just shouted insults at the orcs. Bezrak slammed his staff to the ground saying that humans were useless and worse than snotlings.

Utterly. At first I was like, this is so non-Orky. And now, now they're like, you can keep your guts. And I'm like, okay, never mind. I changed, I've never done a 180 fashion than I have right now. Yeah, this is definitely much more on-brand orc that you expect. And, yeah, glad to see you back, orcs. Glad to see you're still you.

pivoting straight to insulting them as well. Just like, they're not even an answer. He decided they were utterly impossible to reason with and said break them, kill them, eat them, that's good. Don't try to make them think. It can't be done. So he gave the 12 one last chance to give him an answer and when they couldn't, he said,

so die, done here, then turned around and left back to the ship. You know, I'm suddenly way more in favor of orc ambassadors. That's great. I, you know what? Hell yeah. It reminds me about one orc from Dawn of War who's talking to the Inquisitor. I like, I like your hat, by the way. Yes, blood flag.

Yeah, yeah. It reminds me a little bit of them. And I always like that. I love the idea of showing up and being introduced as an ambassador. And all you say is, I mean, you either surrender or we kill you. and that's it. That's all you ever do. That's the entirety of your

ambassador role every single time. I think you might be overstating your position here, but sure. Okay, the orcs leave. They're gone from the halls. Now, now, Parsim has a question. And that question

is that he would love to know what you think happens next. Legitimately. Genuinely, what do you think happens next? And I will state, it says right here, if you can guess, I will eat a shoe. Oh, wow.

So what happens next after all of the orcs leave? Yeah, after the orcs leave, what happens next? I mean, the sensible answer is that all the high lords continue to argue with each other, yell at each other, maybe someone gets shot, And then they attempt to kill the orc ambassadors that just left and nothing changes. Yeah, that seems too obvious, though, because otherwise, if that was what it was, Possum wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, I'll eat my shoe. I mean, then surrendering is also just as stupid, though.

It wouldn't happen. Yeah, true. There's a part of me that thinks that maybe the, they're just like, oh, maybe we, should try and do a treaty and they actually try to like hail the orcs and be like, hey, what if we do like a ceasefire treaty thing? And they try to like be diplomatic

with orcs, which is just dumb because the orcs just told them to die. I have no idea what happens. Okay. Curiaf, what happens? Honestly, I would say those are two very sensible guesses. But as you both correctly identified already,

this is not a sensible series of books. The flaw of the great chamber shook and cracked. Tears collapsed. The Imperium's futile dignitaries tumbled over each other in a human cascade. Toxins competed with panicked screams. Vangarich ran towards the exit of the Great Chamber where he saw Macardo yelling into a Vox handset. The captain looked up as Vangrich drew near. He lowered the Vox set. He was handling it as if it had bitten him. Is it the orcs? he asked. Had they somehow inserted a bomb beneath the palace? had he given them the opportunity to do so.

Now, I just want to point out, this is the final quote from the fourth book. I know, I think I know this. I think I remember this now. I think I know what happens. Yes, yes. That would be a pretty sneaky blood axe thing to do to be like, oh yeah, we'll go over there and pretend for treaty and we'll leave a bomb.

It ain't. That's such a more thing. It ain't blood axes. You sweet summer child. I remember this now. I remember this. I'll give you the last line. No, Grandmaster McCarlow said.

His voice was disbelieving. It's the elder. Oh. Never mind. I was wrong. Again. Oh, it's so, so the Eldar show up. What?

Just out of nowhere, just like the gang's all here now. We got to, we got to shoehorn the Eldar in somehow. And so they don't, I don't see what's so difficult to understand about this. at the very end of the fourth book, having spoken to the all ambassadors who then leave, the Eldar attacked the palace from Beno. Like, what's the problem? I, I, I'm sorry. I was wrong.

I thought this is the part where the grandmaster of the officio-assanorm kills everyone. But I may be either jumping ahead or have the wrong stories. So this might be a different event. I don't remember. What the hell are the Eldar doing? Yeah, what are the Eldar doing? Well, I mean, I guess if you're the Eldar and you just, it's like, oh, yeah, the orcs and the humans are cutthroating it against each other, when else would be the best time to go in and try to pick the bones clean, right? Humanity is kind of like on its last legs.

The orcs are kind of like, you know, their attention is diverted. So, like, I guess. From under the imperial palace? Like, we're on terror. Yeah, but like, again, this is War of the Beast. So does it have to make sense? I love that. Look, if we take into account what this series is,

we're allowed to suspend all logic and just say anything, all right? Right. We have like eight people named Slaughter, and you can't for one second believe that Eldar are attacking from below? No, it's not that Eldar. It's that anyone's attacking from below. Yeah, it's one that anyone is. there and two, why are they there?

Well, well, I have an answer to that question, but before that, it's time for something completely different. Things were getting busy with the assembling of the last war in the foul system. We officially have the combined forces of the Crimson Fist, the Fist's exemplar, the Excoriators, and the Black Templars, and the Iron Knights, plus some others that they forgot about, and they'll bring up like three books from now. Curia. The only ones... Here I stop

I command you to stop What do you mean Until then Are you telling me that the end of this book Ends with It's the Eldar And they completely segue away For like the next book Book 4 ends with that

But there's still other things happening So wow they do Book 4 literally like it's the final quote From the fourth book it finishes with his voice was disbelieving it's the elder i mean that's how that book finished and they just that's rough man okay war the beast baby keep keep keep keep going i'm sorry i'm crashing out internally he gets so so annoyed at this imagine how annoyed you've been if you've been reading the actual books there would have been a gap between the fourth and the fifth one

and the fourth one ended like that i mean come on so the only ones at this point who were unable to be contacted and thus did not heed the call with the sole drinkers who were off doing God knows what, they were packing some serious heat this lot and in case it wasn't super obvious at this point, Cawland had become chapter master of the imperial fists

and was referred to as such and not all that much of an achievement unless you count just still being alive compared to everyone else, worthy of being chapter master, but he managed it, so at this point we're talking like 20 battle barges worth of space marines and now that they're all

gathered, they are off to terror. They kind of gave you that as a little pallet cleanser, honestly. Parsham decided that you needed just a little something after the Eldar showing up underneath the Imperial Palace and blowing a chunk of it up, because the Eldar had arrived on terror. Specifically, seven or eight Harlequins, who showed up in the Imperial Palace, led by Shadowseer, Laeriel Ray, singing one of their songs and dancing at the behest of one Eldrad Ultherin. Now, before I explain what they were doing,

I would like you, Bricky, to just read out what the Shadowseer was proclaiming as she was making her way through the palace, right? Harlequins. Stop, stop. My name is Leherr-Rae, Shadowseer of the Chiseless Song. I come here at command of Eldrad Uthron to,

no, that's like a orc name. I come here at the command of Eldred Othron, to deliver a message of great import to the emperor of mankind. Friendship! Friendship! Cease your fighting! Oh, yeah, that'll work. Kiriath, I'm punching you through the screen.

Not because you've done anything wrong, but because you're the closest target. That's fair. It's fair. I'll take it. Now, what you just said, D.K., like, you know, good luck with that. I mean, you're not wrong, but there is a... good reason for the cries of friendship, friendship,

cease you're fighting, because obviously, there was fighting. And that chant, it sounds all peaceful and good, but it does hit different when you consider that the Harlequins were literally just killing everything in their way whilst they were making their way

to the Golden Throne. So you've got... So while they're swimming... Friendship, friendship, cease your fighting, friendship, they're just tearing through everything that walks. Wait, yeah, the Harlequins were just murdering everybody.

Is this the clip that custodies fans mauled about all the time About like a bunch of harlequins in the palace It may well be because This like combined with various explosions and other fanfare It was to distract those who tried to stop the dance That was of course until they encountered the custodies Despite their love for the arts They weren't really in the mood for clown girl honk heaven

and decided it was curtains for the harlequins. That is, I'll be honest, I haven't looked that reference up. I'm hoping someone can explain it. That's exactly what it sounds like. Okay. No further notes. Yeah, no notes. So one by one, the custodies took down the harlequins,

but they did suffer losses. One harlequin, notably, took out four of them before dying. What? One of Harlech was about four Adeptus custodies? Yes. Wow. When was this book? When was these books written again?

Uh, 20, hang on, let me double check again. I have to go back to the 2015 to 2016. That's it? Wow. One harlot took out four custodians? Because, okay, because, you know, we've talked about it. Only talk a few times. I mean, you took a few.

We've talked about this a few times. You know, back in the day in like the early 2000s, Gons Ghost era, space marines were just like really good humans. And so you'd have a bunch of guardsmen pretty easily taking out a couple of Iron Warriors. And you got have like the expendables level type stuff with the Gons ghosts. Sure, but they're custodians. These aren't just average space marines.

No, but actually, but actually, though, meme aside, what in the because in that case I would understand what in the hell is happening yeah because like okay if this was like

back in the day custodies are like slightly stronger than space marines that are slightly stronger than humans early 2000s therefore custodians

are not the I'm going to one be one an entire army that they are currently that makes more sense because the writing

was different now I'm a little confused I mean yeah I mean like 2015 2016 that is not

long ago like long ago enough for there to be that much of a bizarre shift in how powerful custodies are. It's a bit mad. Mind you, I'm saying that. We just had this lot show up under the Imperial Palace, bomb it, make their way to the throne room whilst one of them sings about not fighting anymore, whilst the people escorting her, murder everyone in sight.

I think logic and sense left the building quite some time ago. I think they walked out with the Ork Ambassadors, and it's going to take a while for them to walk back in, you know? So far, the most logical person in this entire series are the Ork ambassadors. They're the characters he make the most sense. Oh, Lord. Eventually, the only one that stood was the Shadowseer herself, and she got dangerously close, like quite literally the Eternity Gate in front of the Warhound Titans close. She was stopped by Captain General Bayreuth, who ordered her immediate execution. Before this could be done, however, Dracan Vangerich and Inquisitorial representative Veritus arrived and requested that she be interrogated instead.

As this was happening, the Shadowseer offered a token to the Inquisitor, a token that she said was given to Eldred Ulthran by Lost Primark Vulcan. So I've got a thing for you to have, D.K.? Whoa! Laeria reached into a small pouch strapped to her thigh. it she removed an object and passed it to veritus. The Inquisitor's power armor whined as he reached for it. He opened his hand. In it was a large tooth capped with exquisitely worked gold. A tooth of a nocturian salamander. It could be as you say. These creatures are found only on Vulcan's

homeworld. But how do I know this is not a trick and that it was Vulcan who gave this to your master? I have no master Save the laughing God said La Haryl That token is all I have To prove my good intent If you do not value it Then Eldrad Ulthran Underextimated you

My task is done And my life is forfeit I die laughing At the fools that would not listen to sense All right I mean I won't lie I die laughing at the fools That wouldn't listen to sense

Is a pretty hard quote Oh yeah Yeah it is Yeah Like put that on the tombstone too, like, damn. So while being interrogated, Laryl stated that the emperor and Farsir Ulthran are known to one another and that the crisis with the orcs needed to pass because the true threat of the dark gods was growing. She also stated that she brought great news of another gift, a massive force of space marines were on the way,

and as a free token of goodwill, Ulthway had calmed the Imitarium around the throne world to allow, for their arrival at a much faster rate. She urged that they don't be distracted by the orcs and focus on the threat of chaos as humanity was needed to fight back against the horrors of the warp. She also knew that she was not going to live after this. Her final words to Vangarich were,

Be hasty, already the primordial annihilator works against you, before she was sealed in the dark cells under terror forever. No good deed goes unpunished. Wait, I'm... I'm sorry. Hold on. They put her in prison forever, forever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Yeah, she's gone. Well, no, I don't, I don't know. So, Shia, I don't believe she messed with the warp. She, uh, Ulthway, the craft world, I'm assuming there's seers and folks, helped soothe the warp, right? Yeah, that, that was an Eldrad led thing. Yeah, yeah. That's not, doesn't surprise me.

Though, that being said, I have a question that you may have already answered that I need. Why were, did they like gas and bomb the high lords if they came in peace? Unknown. What? They're Eldar. They're funny, goofy people, obviously. They just do stuff, you know? I mean, I just don't know.

Did they blow up the floor and, like, have them all, like, start falling to their death and stuff? And they're like, it's the Eldar. And then the Eldar are there. And they arrive and they're like, hey, what's up, guys? So we calm the warp. We let more space Marines come by. Careful chaos is here. Um, anyway, see ya.

And then they just, what? They also slaughtered their way to the throne room. Yeah, that's such a weird way to deliver like that message. I, I, that is odd. I feel like if, if the postman knocked on the door and then, well, no, if the postman kicked the door in and then. and then punched you in the face and then handed you your package. After murdering your family.

Yeah. You would also be somewhat cheesed off. Yeah. Yeah. Jedi Ryan Skywalker stuff. It's like it was left on a cliffhanger and then it's basically do whatever you want with the cliffhanger. They just did something.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this, I mean, it kind of goes to some way of explaining just how weirdly disjointed and bizarre this whole series is. I mean, just the fact that it's the entire series was out in two years, having six people write it, insane choice. Absolutely. 12 bucks.

Yeah. Like, oh dear. I was going to say whose idea was that. It kind of worked for the Horace heresy, sort of. No, it didn't. No, it didn't, curiosity. There's like 50-something books and like half of them are that good. It didn't need to be.

Some of them are totally irrelevant to anything and everything as well. Some of them are just an absolute goddamn slog. It's unreal. I mean, I feel like they looked at the Horace Heresy, went, hey, this worked out great. Let's do it again, but smaller. without noting just how many books people like to skip from that series and only focusing on the fact that people really like certain books from that series, you know? I don't have the meme, but there's the, there's like the meme of, finally I've finished every single book in the Horace Heresy series.

And then the reply is, are they any good? And then their reply was no. Some of them are. Some of them are very good, but I get the, I get the, you're vibing with the meme. And there's an energy of the meme, yes. Yeah, yeah. The transit for the space marines picks up. They're able to get to terror quicker.

Slaughter was able to contact the high lords of terror directly, who let him know what was happening above in the skies of terror, but more importantly, he was informed of a bigger problem. Though the forces of the successes were mighty, they were still outgunned. They needed help, and a certain red planet needed to come back into the fold. So, Slaughter gave the fabricator general a quick ring and said point blank, We move immediately upon the attack moon. Kubik retorted by essentially saying,

Jaskina Toll thought that was a pretty good idea too. Slaughter was not happy about this response, and after a bit of posturing and calling out Mars for their lack of action, the Red Planet agreed to provide aid. But it was a bit haphazard, all things considered. In no time at all, though, the last wall burst into orbit above the attack moon and unleashed absolute hell into the unwanted celestial body.

As they attacked, they saw that the orcs were actually in the process of refitting the captured vessels from the proletariat crusade. But the kit bashing was all for naught, because Corland positioned the fleet between the moon and terror itself and began to unleash cyclonic torpedoes at it. Oh, okay, so we're just firing exterminatus devices at the moon. I mean, that's a fine way to do it, sure. So as the battles taking place above the surface, space marines, including slaughter, teleported to the surface towards the gate so they could enact a ground assault with terminators. As they marched towards the gate, they found something along the way, survivors from the crusade. We'll get into what they're

experiencing a bit as it's fairly relevant to a separate thread of the story that's happening concurrently, but regardless, they were all saved. Hooray, onto the gate. Malted charges, placed around the gates, the space marines were going to teleport out in a few minutes, but almost on cue, the orcs began to pour out towards the space marines, including a presumed leader of the droyes of orcs. Of course, not a normal leader. It was a beast that was twice Colin's height and broader than a battle tank. Unable to resist a quick fight, slaughter attempted to take on promised consort radon, but was immediately knocked on his ass. But timing is everything. They were able to teleport out of there. So it was all good, apart from the chapter master of the iron

knights who sacrificed himself to allow for it to happen. Oh well. Nice sneaky Eldonring reference in there, Yeah, not bad on that one. Also, you know, chapter master of un-cared about, unheard of chapter. Very easy to get killed off. Oh, of course. Just classic retcha behavior, isn't it? Yeah. Also, shy, don't worry about it.

I'm pretty sure we've got void generators on the planet. There's nothing wrong with blowing up a planet with cyclonic torpedoes near your planet. They did it in the Night Lord trilogy. They blew up a bunch of moons to destroy like a blood angel ship. Perfectly fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah, that's canon. That's canon, physics. It's just not a problem. It's fine. So the charges were detonated.

The space battle was a success, and the Waar gate where the moon came from was destroyed, so it couldn't escape and couldn't get reinforcements. The surface was almost completely destroyed, and the orcs were to feast it. Lord Commander of the Imperium, Udin Mact Udo, provided the Astartis with badges in honor of their actions defending terror, but then they were quickly whisked away to a war council to discuss next actions. These actions included the Lord Commander saying that Corland has no authority and that the space marines present were in service to humanity

and therefore were under his authority. That's convenient, isn't it? He said that the collection of so many space marines was a massive cause for concern for the senatorium. I mean, you know, I don't blame him actually. It's not wrong, but also like read the room, Maybe. Yeah, that's definitely kind of got the same vibe as like, it's been, it's been how long,

2000 years since the last time as many space marines were around here? I'm a little spooked. Yeah, a little nervous. This usually doesn't go super well. So let's tread carefully. Awkwardly looks at the hole in the wall, aka the dude on the throne over there, pulls a collar. Go.

Yeah. Udo demands. that they leave the reminacy of the attack moon alone and just remain until orbit until the Navy got back. The attack moon being left alone was at the request of the Fabregator General for reasons that were not known. Some sort of grand experiment, maybe. As for any sort of victory celebrations, Udo demanded that the gathered brothers give up their individual chapter colours and dress in the livery of the imperial fists, as word of the total eradication of the chapter, could not get out. they needed to remain on terror and keep up the facade.

Oh, and he was going to take credit for the defeat of the orcs as well. The success of chapters, funnily enough, not happy about this, and the insult to slaughter about not being a chapter master, despite all his efforts to unify the Sons of Dawn, really cut deep. Osh is fair enough, I think. Yeah, that's very, very fair, yeah. Just doing human things, eh? Now there is no

There's no easy segue over to this Because we're aware at this point That the War of the Beast takes many a twist and a turn In unexpected directions And we're going to be We're going to be taking something of a massive leap Back to something that was mentioned quite a while ago now The Iron Warriors

Remember them? They're in the story as well for some reason I mean, when you have Imperial Fists, you got to have the warriors. It's true. They've got to be in there somewhere. Warsmith Calcutor was engaged quite heavily with the orcs near the Maelstrom when a crusade of Black Templars arrived. Calcutor was running out of options as the orcs had been tearing through the various worlds they had some presence on, and they ran the risk of a two-fronted battle. So Calcutor ordered his grand company to jump to the world of Zelenic Four. Marshall Magnerick was present in this crusade and he had quite the beef with Calcutor

because it was Calcutor that caused him to be interred into his dreadnought and he'd been obsessed with vengeance on him ever since so much so that he refused to follow the mandated sleep cycles that are required for dreadnought usage Calcutor was his white, hard core he really wanted him, he was his white whale, he wanted him dead Calcutor arrived at Zelenic four and found himself immediately pinned down.

Orcs are on the surface, and despite fighting inward, the Black Templars just blitzed him. Pushing through lines of orcs just to get to Calcutor, Magnerick was driven by the desire to kill him. Marching through the lines, Magneric chanted that he was there to end Calcutor and that the emperor decreed that he was to be the one to slay him, and eventually he found the warsmith,

and it played out in a very curse-you-bail manner. There you go, Bricky. Oh, hell yeah, I love a good curse-you-bail meme. This time a voice sounded from the building reply, Magneric! So high must I be in your regard that you chase me for a thousand years and more, into the teeth of the greatest orc-wa since Ulanor. Calcutor, boomed the dreadnought.

His new monics hissed, and the great block of his right shoulder shifted, lifting his assault cannon high. The barrels spun once and halted. Magnerin's targeting a ray danced. over the ruin, picking out the Iron Warriors and green outlines. Calcutor was not among them. You are looking well. Iron without

suits you. I am unmoved by your mockery, boomed Magnerick. Come out so that I might kill you. Okay, that's pretty dope. Your fears made flesh. That's so curse you bail, but I love

that. Ah man, that's hype as hell. Let's go. I'm just It's so funny. I don't know. That's like the kind of, that's the kind of insanely over the top, stupid dialogue that I love from Warhammer. And so this makes me very happy.

Oh, hell, yeah. It's pretty good. Hold on to that. Oh, no. Please. Hold on to that joy. Oh, oh, no. Hold on to that joy and never let it leave your heart.

For there is, wait till you hear the next. Cherish it. Oh, no. Curio. Oh dear. Okay. There was a problem with all of this, which is that they were in a bit of a stalemate. They both had their weapons pointed at one another, and the orcs were rallying. Both sides told their respective leaders that they ran the risk of being wiped out by the orcs.

So the two hated foes agreed to meet, to discuss options. To discuss options? I don't think it's going to turn into a chat. I do not. There's no way. Iron warriors. and Imperial Fists are chatting? There's no way this doesn't devol

into a celebrity death match, right? Oh, I'm sorry, black Templars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is a crusade. Oh. This is like a sin. It's insane. Magnerick and Calcuttaugh met in private, and after an extensive recounting

of either side of the heresy, they agreed that they did, in fact, have quite a good time, and they did have both a degree of respect for each other. They agreed that they would combine their efforts together side by side to fight the orc threat, and upon defeat of the orcs, go their separate ways. For the first time since the heresy, the sons of Perciarabu and Rogaldorn would stand as a united front against a common foe. What?

That actually happens? That... that's that this is this is the meme part of the awesome script right this is the part it's like ha ha got you that would never happen t he t he here's what actually happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it gets worse okay uh kirioth i i i okay i just had a bit of like a like a i had like a i i just associated and i realized i was making the exact same face for the last like like Like minute. And so I decided to take a photo of myself so that you could see.

Like I am, I am just, I've been doing this for the last like while now. Like, you know that old thing like close your mouth? The bugs are going to get into it or something. That somehow needs to be the thumbnail for the same. Yeah. How do we have to be? That's so good. Wait, wait, this, you are somewhat joking, right?

Like, this is like a bit. Yeah, this has to be a bit, right? This has to be a possum swerve. You are, because the two, you said that the, like, I just read the curse you bail speech. You say that both of these people met in private. Yeah, and agreed to work together until the orcs were seen off. You're shitting me.

It has to be a bit. What the fuck is this? No, no. It is legitimately the first time since the heresy. Sons of Dawn and Ther Tramon stand as a united front against the common foe. They've got a job to do, all right? They're just going to, you know, work together as you would, apparently. I just keep looking over and seeing Bricky's face just look so good.

I know. This is so perfect. Oh. Oh, geez. Okay, okay. Okay. Just keep going, man. Yeah, continue.

Let's just get through this. The defeat in the voice is heartbreaking. Okay. So, let's move on from that because it's clearly and legitimately upsetting. The problem is that that wouldn't be the last time that this would happen. because not all of the Sons of Dawn were really fond of the last wall idea. One in particular was first Captain of the Fist's exemplar Zerberin, who personally found the concept to be heretical.

But, luckily for him, on his way to rejoin with the rest of his long-lost brothers, his battle barge, the dantalion, was slammed with fluxes of warped energy caused by the volume of ships heading to the recon point. This resulted in comms getting jammed, and data being incoherent and garbable. This combined with a sudden attack from the orcs resulted in them spiraling far and away from foul. Their hope to return to foul was hampered by their damaged ship,

but they fortunately received a Vox transmission. Would anyone like to guess who the Vox transmission might be from? If it's Iron Warriors, I'll be upset by I wanted to be Eldar, just badly. I was going to say it's probably the Iron Warriors. No, no, we're not in Tau, Yeah, I think Tao is like a couple thousand years later, right? I love that. Just who cares.

That's the main answer. Shai's answers fucking Tao, who care? Unexpectedly, it was from Calcutor. But it's okay because he was offering help. In his words, favors given, favors owed. Orcs were heading their way and Calcutor offered the Dantlein coordinates for safety. These coordinates were for the Iron Warriors' fortress world of Prax. However, there was one little problem.

One little problem. There's fucking problems all over the shop with this. The Iron Warriors had been away for a bit of time, and the orcs had taken over, unbeknownst to both sides. And they were doing some terrible things. We mentioned a bit ago that the humans that were saved from the attack moon were experiencing something. And we get a very, very, very, very, very.

graphic description of what the orcs had planned for humanity at large on prax. In descriptions that come dangerously close to that of the demonculeba, we see thousands of humans, filthy, terrified and acting animalistically. No hair, no teeth, no nails. But they do have plenty of other things, including a brand on the side of their heads that looked like a snake. D.K. if you could do the honors. Yum. The man under Mendel Rioxx administration gave one last grunt

as the apothecary's narthesium retracted. There are dangerously high levels of synthetic growth enhancers, testosterone, and other steroids in his blood. I would need to return him to Dantelan's apothecaryan for more thorough investigations. Oh.

Pretty bad. I don't get it. So the orcs were taking humans and genetically rendering them into livestock. Yeah, they're just juicing like all the humans into these mutated, whatever, hairless, teethless. Oh, I mean, that's gross and everything. I don't know. I guess I thought it would be worse. Yeah, yeah.

I kind of thought it was going to be worse than just, yeah, we're pumping them full of drugs. Yeah, yeah, I'm about to say. With no teeth, hair or nails either. So they can't, like, do anything to defend themselves. They're just all, like a factory chicken. The end outcome is gross, but I think we were expecting something on the level of, like, this is how we make servitors. Yeah, I mean, like, the, the Imperium has done worse things to their own people. I'm not particularly, like, I don't know.

This is not particularly that bad as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I don't know. I was expecting, not that it's good. I was just expecting it to be worse. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, I'll give you that. That's fair. Yeah.

There was nothing to be done for this lot. Despite, like, efforts on clearing out the orcs, Calcutor and Zerberin realized, just to remind you again, Calcutor, Iron Warrior, Zerberin fist exemplar, so Imperial Fist Excessus chapter, realized there was only one way to handle this, which was exterminatists. Before they could finalize the plan, however,

a group of tempestusions encountered Zerberin and instead of helping saw the iron warriors and branded Zerberin a traitor which is totally justified because hell yeah dude giant guard W once again they're more on it than the space marines are

at the moment in that moment Jesus Christ Zerberin did the unthinkable he killed the Sions as a means to keep what was happening quiet Ah Yeah, that'll do

Yeah, that'll do. Massive guard W. A bunch of stem past the Sions See Iron Warriors and a Loyalist guy next to the Iron Warriors and it's like That clearly doesn't make any sense. Open fire.

What ballers? They knew the score. They knew the score and they paid the prize for it. We are going to come back to this in a later episode because that whole side of things is far from over, but it is somewhat mind-blowing

to me that somehow two chapters directly decided from the Imperial Fist, like straight up, oh Iron Warriors, yeah, let's work together. One of them is mortal enemy, the guy who killed

him or nearly killed him and put him in a dreadnought, and then mid-fight, they're like, ah, you know what? I mean, we would like to, you know, really try and go full murder on each other, but there's a lot of orgs here. Should we deal with that first and then just not do it? Like, what, what is it? What is this? Why?

What was the... Oh, dear. Huh. Yeah. I was doing fine. The first time I read this through, I was like, I do remember this and I don't remember being in favour of it at the time, but reading it for a second time out. I'm starting to crash out, which I didn't think was going to happen, but it's just so stupid.

There's a particular thing here where it's like, it's not unheard of for loyalists and chaos to achieve similar goals. Like, hey, the nids are here or the orcs are here and everything is going bad. You know, we both need to go kill them. But it's normally like, okay, let's stop killing each other for a little bit. And then after we're done not killing each other, we can kill each other. Right? Like it's very, it's very heavily a situation of like, okay, divert resources to destroy the giant threat. And that maybe we leave each other after that because we're so, like, damaged.

Like working side by side is, it's unheard of. It's not unheard of. It's happened, but it's never happened well. It's never happened right. It's never happened like it's supposed to. Especially with these two. Like, yeah, the two that first met the ones that really kicked off this cooperation. Yeah.

With the sworn mortal enemies, one of whom was a Black Templars, like, martial in a dreadnought who is actively trying to hunt down the guy who put him in it. And then they're just like, ah, yeah, we'll deal with this. And then, uh, far ways. I can't think of a worse. I can't think of a worse rivalry than this. Yeah, it's, boy. The famously reasonable black templars as well of all of them. Yeah.

Like what, I'm trying to think of any other pairing besides, like, maybe Space Wars 1,000 sons that would be a more incorrect way to fight each other. I can't think of a single one. It's true. It's in town. It's bad shit. I didn't tell. Yeah, I mean, like, genuinely that's that shit, you know.

Yeah, that's absolutely wild. So, yeah, we're going to come back to that later in another episode because that, that side of the story, not done. One thing, however, very much done. Back on terror, Lord Commander Udin Mact Udo, was still doing a bad job at making friends, and he made the strategic error of upsetting Dracon, Vangerich and Veritas. He did this by passing two motions. One was to ban the Inquisition from the Senatorium and the second was to disperse the last wall

which again that many Space Marines I can see why they'd be nervous but that was a big old attack moon and you're on the back foot there In a combined effort Colin marched to the Senatorium while they're in recess and confronted him Udo attempted to brush him away and say that he was the Senate

but Slaughter had all of Udo's enemies on his side Colin selected his words as he was select targets, and from the impotent flush that came over the Lord Commander, he could see that they had found their mark. Even Udin Mac'd Udo could not attempt to deny the truth of them. By genetic birthright and for the Imperium of Man that he built, I claim the title of Lord Commander. Stand aside, Udo, that you may serve him without further impeachment of your honour. So with vocal, loud support from those slighted the idiot and a notable silence from the fabricator general and ecclesiarch measuring. Chapter master of the Imperial Fist Coland, or Mr. Slaughter to you and me, was now the Lord

Commander of the Imperium of Man. So, uh, uh, D.K. For help. This is the title Gilliman currently carries. That's, wow. So it's a, so it's a real slaughter fest in here, eh? Kill them. Kill them. Kill them in real life. No. What? It is. We need that cool aid UPS man.

We need him now. Oh, no. I'm not answering the door today, man. Uh-uh. What this? His first action, it's so mental. It's really funny.

So his first action, as Lord Commander, was very specific. He wanted to know why Mars wanted the attack moon and better yet, what the Martians knew that they weren't telling the high lords,

but he did have a bit of help. When Corland was found, his specific, like the person who found him was a Majos or Mango, a biologist, named Eldon Urquidex. I think that's how I'm pronouncing. I think that's right. It sounds like an Eldar name. Sounds kind of orky too. I mean, Urquidex.

Urcid, Urcats, or whatever. It was a Majos named Eldon. So this particular Majos had over time grown tired of fabricated general cubic and his in action. He knew quite a bit and plenty of this information is going to be very prominent next episode. What matters though is that he found himself in Van Richt's good graces and on Mars. However, upon the botched activation of a Vanus assassin on Mars that strategically avoided urchidex, Admec artisan Argus van Orkin called the bluff on this Majos biologis. He was sentenced to servitude in perpetuous.

Jesus, this bit's got too many words I can't say. But he did have one last chance to make a difference because he found out where the beast was and he needed to commit it to his deep memory before his rationale was stripped from him. You know what, Rip, you can round us out, Bricky. Oh, goody. Urquidex struggled against the augmatized grips that restrained him, screaming from the clemency of white phosphor. Van Alken glided back.

You have done... Am I speaking as a Mechanicus guy right now? Yeah. Okay, then I got to do the Deltrian thing. You have done nothing but accelerate an outcome considered inevitable since the inception of the grand experiment. The Imperium would have come, and they will not find the legions of Mars unprepared.

Somehow, Urquodexes struggles... Erquodexes, Christ! struggles freed an arm He lashed his digit tools Across the throat of the Skatarius Holding his other arm Blood splashes her breather And for a moment he was free

He spun around screaming to the vid recorder As cold hands dragged him away by his robes Ulanor The Beast arises on Ulanor Ah, the Beast! The Beast! We finally get mentioned of the Beast Is this the sixth book?

Yes. Book six, we have reference to the beast. Yay. Halfway through, we get, we get mention of the beast in the war of the beasts. Or beast. And where he is and everything. And then you'd have to wait for the next book to come out to get anything else. All right.

Pogers. Oolinor, huh? Ulinaur. Equidex's struggles on Oulinor. Aquidex's struggles on Oulinor. We're just ullulating over here, everyone. So what did you think of post four to six? This is so much worse than the first ones.

This makes the first ones look downright logical. If I'd have said to you at the start, if I'd have said the all ambassadors are going to be the most sensible part of this, would you believe me? Not for a second. Not for a second. And that's how it ended up being. I may believe you because, like, I know the book of the war, the beast is stupid, you know, but like, I did not think it would be like this.

Yeah, that's, that's a lot. That's a lot of, stupid. I didn't know it's this stupid. Yeah, that's a whole boy. I thought we could only go up, but apparently there is a new, there's a new basement to go into. That's true. We're very much playing snakes and ladders, but so far it's, it's mostly snakes. Yeah, that's, it's.

Yeah, we are mainly doing snakes. This is definitely a snake-based situation here. Yeah. Have I just done another thing that means something here, but not there? Is that a... No, snakes and ladders. Well, snakes... Okay, that's right.

Snakes and ladders, we have shoots and ladders, I think. I was going to say, I know shoots and ladders. I've never heard of snakes and ladders, though. I guess it's the same idea. I'm guessing it's probably the same thing. I don't know why you're sliding down snakes. That's never made any sense to me, but, you know... I mean, I would bet, knowing, knowing American toy manufacturing,

I would bet we literally just copied it from you and then replaced its name so that we can sell it in our own way without IP infringement. Can I copy your homework? Yeah, but don't make it too obvious. Shoots and ladders. Yeah, you know that old dare campaign where it's like, I learned it from you, Dad.

That's how I'm feeling right now because of the, because we're stealing from the Brits. Mm-hmm. Fair. Fair. You know. Snakes and Ladders was invented in ancient India, says Shai.

You know, Sean, I think you for saying that because I know that would be like half of the comments. That's true. That being said,

if India, British, you know, I've seen RRR. I can say, yeah. Yeah, British Sealing from India

is, is, is on brand. It's happened once or twice in the past. Yeah, I guess, yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, great episode, folks. That's a fantastic episode. Yeah, I mean,

I mean, personally, I'm definitely a much larger fan of eels and escalators. Yeah, totally. Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails. All right.

But before we end, D.K., do you want to do a quick shout-out? Yes. If you enjoy grim, dark universes, other than 40K, stuff like Trench Crusade, or I think Shadow Run was on the list, or Battle Tech, you should check out the podcast that Krioth, Shai, and myself are doing acceptable losses. We have a new episode coming this weekend. I am sure there is a link in the description. You should check it out. It's been, we've only done one episode. It's been phenomenal.

Kerioth crushed it. It was a Trench Crusade episode. And also, all of the art assets that we have are just so bangerang, dude. Everything looks so good. So good. So you check it out. Acceptable losses. Do it.

Hell yeah. And for all everyone else friends, Adric, enjoy. We got two more weeks of War of the Beast, baby. Let's go. And as far as, and I am out of curiosity, do you know if it gets better? You know what? I would love to say that it does, but I'm going to settle instead for saying nothing. I honestly thought you were going to say out of curiosity. And I was like, damn, that's what went through my head when you were saying it. I was like, damn, I would have gotten tongue twisted if I tried to say that. I would have said it.

Guys, the podcast is being hacked. It's the Eldar.