Adulting - #21 Mental Health & Self-medicating with Fae Williams

Episode Date: November 25, 2018

In this episode I speak to model and content creator, Fae Williams. We discuss depression, anxiety, drugs and much more. Please always seek help if you find anything triggering or upsetting. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hi guys, welcome to Adulting. This is the podcast where I try to figure out what it means to be an adult and whether or not we're actually grown up yet. And today I'm joined by Faye Williams. Hi. So Faye is a model and content creator. And Faye and I met last year. No. At Cop Beauty. Was that this year beginning of this year was it yeah and um basically just thought she was great and today we're going to be talking

about quite a difficult topic we're going to touch on mental health um self-medicating with mental health and just basically how it affects our daily life especially in this generation um with the way that the world is so can you maybe tell me like a little bit about your mental health journey or when when it happened that you realized that you had issues with your mental health or yeah I think I've had issues since I was quite young so like maybe even like eight uh like around eight um but i've been taking medication for like over 10 years maybe like 15 years which is kind of scary but yeah what when you first started taking medication what was your what was it for was it depression or was it yeah for depression and anxiety mainly depression at the time i think it was triggered by just massive life changes that were happening at the

time um and like shitty relationships that I'd been in and stuff like that I think I was like 19 um so yeah I got put on antidepressants and they prescribed me antidepressants but I think they also advised me to go uh like to have counselling which I've been advised quite a few times and I've I've never actually been really yeah which I should I should go rather than just having thinking it's like a quick fix to take medication what what is it about counselling that you don't want to go I mean I've just put it off I would go go, but it is quite scary because obviously they're going to delve into, you know, why you're like this or... You'd think it would, like, bring up stuff that you just aren't ready to deal with.

Yeah. When you were 19, because you're... How old are you now? 29. When you were 19, was it... So, like, 10 years, yeah? Yeah. Was it quite new?

Because I don't think that even when I was 19, which was, like, five years ago, I don't think I realized how prevalent depression was in young people I thought depression was only adults like full adults yeah I didn't realize at the time it's only recently that I've realized how bad it is for young people like not for adults and I think it's definitely something that kids should be spoken about yeah spoken to about because I remember being really young even before the medication thinking you know at some points thinking that you're not normal and there's because it's not spoken about when you're young you don't really know what's going on like unhappiness yeah yeah what happened

did you have to go to a doctor how did it i yeah i went to the doctor finally when i was like 19 um and started my medication and then yeah i've been on it ever since well i've changed like to different one but yeah i've been on it ever since when you first went on the medication was it like a relief you're like i feel so much better now the thing is it's like it's not a quick fix i think some people think it is i i never had a problem with with being on medication i've never found it embarrassing or like an issue um but yeah i did i did i felt like maybe because it was in my head i thought like oh I'm taking this so I'm gonna feel better now well it's funny because like placebo effects I've heard sometimes thought

is like the most effective effect you can get out of anything because if you believe that something works that's better than anything actually working so there was a just a scientist guy talking about the way that like placebo effects work and stuff and if something works for someone just keep doing it like it not necessarily in this case, but in life. If a placebo works, it's just as meritable as, like, the thing actually doing it. Yeah, which is crazy. Yeah.

And so now that you haven't, if you've never been off it, can you remember what it was like to not be on medication? Do you have periods where you don't take it? No. Sometimes I might miss my medication and it just makes me feel really shitty. I've never tried to come off of it. I can remember what it was like before

and I think that's why I haven't come off of it because it scares me to think, I don't want to feel like that or I don't want to be in that position again. And what's your like advice from your doctor do you have to see them regularly about it because I've moved around quite a bit I've never had like the same doctor so they're quite I think they're quite quite they just prescribe you willy-nilly yeah and just instead of saying you know you you need to do counselling or

they'll just prescribe it to you I think they just want you like in and out where it's so busy in the doctor anyway you know um but yeah so with counselling stuff would it be something like CBT yeah I think so but you just wouldn't want to do that I mean I probably will but that's I feel like even saying this it just shows how much like because I don't know what I'm talking about but like how much lack of education we we have to be like yeah it's so you you like you're basically saying like I've had this thing for like 10 years but I still don't know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with it yeah and no one's really giving you that much advice around it there's I really believe that there's not enough support at all like some of the situations I've been in with my mental health when it's been really bad

has really proved to me that that you feel like you have no support network you there's just there's not much support at all what about young people or people in general your family like do you have a good support system I mean not really as in we're not like super close. I don't see them a lot. Yeah. So, and I think with people of like an older generation, in general, I think it's harder to talk about these types of things. Especially if you're not close. I think it's different if you're close and you've like been able to spend time

talking through it for a long time. But if you don't have a very close relationship, I do agree that there's that old-fashioned stoicism even I remember thinking that when I was little though I remember and I didn't this wouldn't have been this must have been taught I remember saying to my mum when I was like 13 I could never be depressed because I just don't I just would not be like if I felt sad I'd just make myself not feel sad yeah and that must I must have got that from so I can remember saying that so clearly I can now understand how you could feel depressed or that I could possibly at some point in my life suffer with depression I've had like

depressed periods but I've never had depression yeah I think people conflate that as well yeah it's it's kind of like scary because for me as long as I can remember I felt like this I don't really remember feeling any different but and for me it's also something that I've come to terms with that I'll always have bad periods like I have a bad day or whatever and it's something that I'll have to live with and I'm gonna always have it but I just have to deal with it yeah and if I'm having a bad day I just say to myself it's okay just it's just a bad day and let it happen there's a really there's two things I want to say to that there's a girl that had on my podcast Charlie Cox she was like everyone has mental health and then some people have mental illness but we can all look after our mental

health irrespective of whether or not you suffer from like depression or anxiety i think that's one of the bits that we kind of skate over is that everyone's like until something happens until you get a diagnosis until you're feeling suicidal or something no one's really questioning like how people actually feel day to day yeah we have a really empty especially in our society i know there's other countries where they have like a happiness scale so they'll measure how good the country's doing on how many people say that they feel good yeah whereas when someone asks you how you are everyone just goes oh i'm good even if you're like feeling really sad because it's still that even that is that kind of taboo like to even talk about your feelings yeah how you feel you know it's a bit weird and i think that um

with yeah with the feelings and like with our society I think that there's something in it that like it's like you said it's embarrassing or you're supposed to be able to just get on with things I think that's the idea so I think there's a there's a real lack of support because on the one hand we don't really talk about it but the people who do want to talk about as well as to are too scared yeah when you go to the doctor do you feel like you're comfortable talking about it or you just kind of want them to get it over and done with and then be gone yeah I'm yeah I'd rather just be in and out because it's not the most comfortable thing to talk about I've never spoken about it really before so yeah and do you find that so I I didn't really know how prevalent depression was and now because of social media and my friends talking about it and me finding out that like family

members have been depressed and stuff I suddenly realized that it's all around me does that make you feel better or does it make you feel even more like why have we not got a better why have we not done more research into it definitely I definitely think that more needs to be done and I don't know why it hasn't but I think it's becoming more like people are becoming more aware of it now yeah people are speaking about it more which is great um but that's why you really then realize that it's happening to other people what so briefly before we start recording you and I you were touching on how you quite want to talk about how especially because there's that disenfranchisement between us and like the

establishment so that us and doctors you might not want to talk to a doctor that much but you might be able to find ways that you can self-medicate yeah i think it's quite common for people with mental health issues to self-medicate um with you know drugs or alcohol or prescription pills whatever and all that does is because you're trying to mask your feelings because it's so hard to deal with your feelings right yeah um so yeah self-medicating is is like huge but it just makes you feel worse so what happened at what point did it happen to you when you started to like try and fix it yourself did you stop taking medication as well no so you can't and then what happened so when I was younger if I if I felt really sad of my depression or

whatever I remember that I would drink a lot that so that's like self-medicating and then I start my anxiety started getting really bad just because I think I'd been on my pills for so long that they weren't really doing the same as what they should be in the beginning. And then I started taking Xanax, which is, you know, it kills your anxiety. So I'd be like, had no anxiety at all, which I thought was amazing. Can you explain to me I felt anxious but I've never had anxiety um and I think that a lot of the time people use like you'll be watching the

Kardashians and they'll be like oh my god I got really bad but they're not talking about anxiety the mental illness they're talking about yeah anxiety the feeling what does it actually feel like to have like can you talk about that I don't know what you feel like it's quite it stops you from doing a lot like you physically can't can't do everyday tasks that that you would normally do or i'll blow things out all the time like i'll flake on plans or stuff because i just get too anxious i'm not so bad now but growing up i was really bad things like crossing the road which is like ridiculous you just overthink or just you got paralyzed by fear yeah just i don't know i don't know how to explain it's just like a feeling but um and panic attacks are just horrific you think you're dying

and when you were younger and you didn't have a word for it or a name for it were you like what what's wrong with me yeah i mean i just it just goes back to feeling like you're mental i hate that word but you know yeah you feel like you're something wrong with you yeah like there's something wrong with you and fanduel casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying i do who wants this last parachute Dual Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

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Being young, obviously, you don't know because you're not taught about any of this, you know, in school or whatever. So you don't really know. Did it change your relationship with friends? Did you ever talk to friends about it when you were little? No, I don't. You just wouldn't bring it up?

Yeah. I don't think so. So then, you're taking it fast forward again, sorry. So you start taking Xanax. Oh yeah, sorry. So Xanax, it just made me feel not anxious at all. But it's so addictive that before I knew it, I had a dependency to xanax which is really

fucking scary um which resulted in like hospital trips and having to withdraw from from the drug um but it happened so quickly i didn't i would i never thought of it as a drug like because it's like pharma grade yeah and because it's kind of socially acceptable. Because you can get prescribed that. Yeah. So it happened really quickly. And I didn't know it was happening. And I think for a lot of young people now. You don't really hear about it much.

Which is weird. But for a lot of people now. With anxiety where it's such a big thing. People are self-medicating with Xanax. And then people are getting addicted really quick with with xanax and then people are getting addicted well it's in every song that you listen to like american music they always talk about xanax yeah and even i remember watching like desperate housewives or like real housewives or whatever and that was that i popped a zany in my smoothie yeah and it's really like nonchalant

but our attitude towards it in the case is different or we don't really use it as much yeah it's totally different. In America, it's like the prescriptions that they prescribe are like so high, like so many. They prescribe so many people Xanax. Really weird. Yeah, and here, I don't know if you can even get prescribed Xanax here. You can get diazepam. Yeah.

Is Xanax just the brand then? Is that what the tablet is? Yeah. So what does it actually, do you know what it does chemically? It like levels you out? It it does i don't know exactly because you can use isn't it kind of like a sedative does it send people to sleep yeah so that's it so just but if you're i guess if you're running on high yeah but what so the thing with it is that you build up a tolerance really quickly so then you're taking more and once you stop taking it your brain is like I need this drug how long do you think you've ever had an addiction before no and then how long were you

taking it before you were like shit do you know that whole is kind of a blur but I think maybe a year or maybe less than that but I just can't remember no it really kills your memory as well yeah and that's must be really like disconcerting yeah yeah so then now that you're you haven't you never take it anymore now no I never I would never touch it now because I just I didn't realize how addictive it was or you know how how how bad it was how long did it take you to properly like get over the recovery and the withdrawal like probably about a month withdrawal is like really really bad for the first few weeks but I'm not sure how long it takes to like get out of your system and for everything to go back to

normal but I think for me I felt really bad for about a month so then did you have to were you at home for that or did you have to be like did, did you have to go to, like, a rehab kind of place? No, I didn't go to a rehab. I don't know. I got sent home. I went to the hospital because I was feeling, like, so sick. And then I literally lost my mind. Like, it was the most scariest time ever. I had to see, like, the psychiatric team.

And then I got, they sent me home from the hospital and it yeah I couldn't sleep I was like seeing things and hearing things that weren't there which is the worst thing ever um but that's what that's what withdrawals we spoke about because when I broke my leg I got put on tramadol and that made me like I had really weird dreams that hallucinating dream because you're basically high aren't you, and even on the ward, I don't know how to say this, it's quite funny though, but we were all there, and everyone, it was like a mixed ward, because they'd run out of space, so the woman would come along with the trolley, we're all off our faces, because we've all, like, had an injury or whatever,

she's like, what do you want this time, and we'd be like, oh, Orimorph, she's like, tramadol, and we'd literally, it was like a cocktail of, like, drugs, and there's a little old lady next to me and the girl saying all of us were so high we probably didn't need more stuff but we kept being like we're in pain even just being in hospital for like three days you get so used to being like yeah medicated which is awful yeah um so i'm not surprised that like when you're taking it recreationally and to fix like a a problem which affects your day-to-day life so massively why that's so attractive when you're like i feel so anxious i'll do anything it's like a magic pill yeah but in the beginning but i mean it's far from that in the end you know it's like the worst thing ever but i think would you say that our attitude towards drugs um is is part of the

problem because i think no one talks about drugs most people at universities experimenting with drugs most people who work in big jobs take drugs but everyone acts as though no one takes drugs yeah but yeah i mean everyone is taking drugs yeah and i think that's what makes the problem when you do have people that find xanax or whatever there's just not enough information about what the risk taking the risks with drugs are because the only people talking about drugs are the ones who are like it's like under the radar there's no like medical information i know there's that one festival what's one in bristol and they put out pictures to be like don't take this pill yeah love say today yeah i remember being a massive thing i was like that's actually so helpful

because if people are going to go out and buy drugs you might as well educate them about the safety around what they're taking yeah how much is safe to take and I think that there's a huge link as you say with medicating it's not just like um stuff like Xanax but you were saying like drinking and yeah people I guess take recreational drugs as well to medicate. And it all just, if you are taking medication, it kind of, there's like no point of taking medication if you're going to do that. Because it stops your medication from working a lot of the time. Is there a risk, because am I right in thinking that some anxiety tablets are like beta blockers or they like slow your heart? Is that what a beta blocker does? Yeah yeah that's what a beta blocker does um but most anti like antidepressants aren't that but i'm not sure about anxiety i know you can get propanolol which is a beta blocker so if you're

taking something like that and then you took say like another kind of drug is there dangers just in the facts that you're mixing things or not as much i i'm sure there is yeah but you know a lot of people are going out and doing coke for example and the you're not supposed to drink alcohol and take coke apparently it causes like a chemical reaction chemical reaction because i guess alcohol is a um depressant and coke's a stimulant yeah so i mean a lot of people are doing it yeah what about now now that you've come off the xanax and you're dealing with your anxiety and your depression do you feel like it's manageable or do you feel like i wish there was another way of of trying to sort it out i mean it's manageable up until a point

when it's not manageable, you know, when you have a bad day. And then, but yeah, it's manageable because I guess I'm just used to it. You don't know what it would feel like to feel any different. Yeah. I think it's really hard because I,

as someone who hasn't suffered from depression and anxiety, I literally can't really understand it and i know that's coming from a really naive place but like i think people need to speak about it more because i think especially with work and things you can ring in sick at work and be like oh i've got food poisoning but you can't really ring up and be like i'm so anxious i can't leave the house today yeah and i don't think people take it seriously yeah i think that's another thing if you did say that like your boss wouldn't take that seriously no so then you'd have to lie and say i've got food wasn't it but i think that's because of the language you use in society so like for instance you're saying we'll be like that's crazy that's mental that's whatever and it trivializes it

and it makes it feel like it's not important. And also with anxiety, when people are like, oh my God. So anxiety is like a word that's used really recklessly. Yeah, a lot. And just is chucked into sentences. But it's a really different thing. And the thing is, I think humans, we have the ability to feel depressed or to feel anxious. But having depression or anxiety is a completely different ballgame. Yeah.

The main thing was just that it should be spoken about so much more from a young age you know like to that kids should be educated on it not just you were saying about how it's not just things like xanax it's like opioids yeah so i mean i think that's mainly in america so if you have a car accident or you've broken something. Yeah. They prescribe you or in the hospital they'll give you like Oxy, which is an opioid, which essentially comes, you know, comes under the same bracket as heroin. Yeah. Right.

So I think that's really fucking scary because a lot of people find themselves, they prescribe these these drugs and they might not even yeah know what they're taking yeah and then before they know it they're addicted because they're so highly addictive then they're addicted and and then what then they're just and i i think that's a really interesting thing as well because for instance as i was saying i was given oramol from the hospital which is like a really light morphine i think yeah and when you think of that it kind of looks like calpol i've seemed to remember it's kind of like having calpol but when you think of heroin you think of like train spotting like injecting into your arms and but they're all one in the same drug yeah it's just where it's applied like socioeconomically and where it's how it's given to you and whatever i think this is why

we have a huge problem with our attitude towards drugs in this country is so bad um because of the criminalization and because of the way that we associate drugs as though drugs are bad and like pharmaceuticals are good but they're all the same at the end of the day they're all the same thing like that is some are more socially acceptable even like coke is pretty socially acceptable when you go out whatever it's not it's not it's completely different to like well it's got a class level to it hasn't it so people who take cocaine will be viewed as like more upper middle class and then other drugs but actually the problem is there's no education around drugs for people realizing that one the stuff they're buying might not be anything of what they think it is um and then i don't know i think that there's

other countries like certain scandinavian countries they don't criminalize drug use so if you're taking drugs nothing happens to you you might get put into like a center they teach you how to like come off if you're addicted yeah but you will get if you're like selling or you're part of that ladder then you can get in trouble but just the actual possession and there's loads of things about how in in America half the jails are filled up with people who've had possession of drugs. And because the sentences are so long there, there's men who got caught with weed 40 years ago,

still sat in a cell. Yeah, I just think it's ridiculous. It's awful. And we talked about it a little bit earlier, but power and money within these things, it might seem like it's only really poor people taking drugs. Oh, it's definitely not. No, and you were saying how in San Fran and in certain places in america you'll see people like shooting

up in the streets but you see that in brixton like where i used to live there was always a lot of drug use but within like the upper middle classes of society a lot of people are taking drugs as well yeah yeah but people just but it's just more pure and a bit safer and people are probably doing it with a bit more knowledge so i think that a conversation around drugs from a young age and mental health is really important because otherwise there's all this stigma which is all based off of like lies really exactly is there anything else you want to add i don't think so i've probably said too much no not at all it's been really helpful thank you so much listen guys and thank you so much for joining me fay thank you and if you want to find fate you can follow her on instagram at faye

williams f-a-e williams do you have anywhere else that people can follow you uh no anything else you want to say no thank you thanks bye Bye.m. with your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Daily Jackpots. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11 p.m. every day. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur.

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