Adulting - #65 Matt & I Answer Your Questions In Lockdown

Episode Date: May 23, 2020

Hey Podulters, today is a special Q&A episode with my boyfriend Matt... we answer questions submitted via my Instagram. Is Matt a feminist? What are our top three pic'n'mix? who is the most stubborn? all answered! I hope you enjoy! xxx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur. Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded. Or 11 p.m. Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu. I hope you're doing well. I have got a very special episode of the podcast today. It is with my boyfriend, Matt. I can't believe he actually agreed to it. I've been asking him since the dawn of time and he's kind of always been like,

no, I'm okay. But because we're in lockdown and he hasn't got much else to do, I think he was like, fine, he conceded. So I asked everyone who follows me on Instagram to send in questions for us to answer and we did exactly that. I actually think Matt was a bit too good for my liking

and I'm worried he's going to take my crown. But I really hope you enjoy listening and as always, please do do rate review and subscribe bye hello and welcome to adulting today I'm joined by a very special guest Matthew hello hello so for people who don't know who you are, can you tell us who you are? I am your lockdown companion and your boyfriend. Yes, very good. We will save any more details because they're in the Q&A. So basically what we're going to do, thank you so much for coming on Matt.

Actually, this has taken, it's been a long time in the making. I can't believe you've actually agreed to it. I know, eight weeks of lockdown, there's a lot of people, doesn't it? Well, what we've decided we're going to do as our topic is we're going to answer all of your questions that have been sent in via Instagram so I just asked random fun questions about us our relationship and life

and actually there's some really good questions are you nervous, are you excited yeah I'm a bit of a mix, I haven't seen them yet so this could be interesting but you've got a corona and i've got a rose so you can't really have a bad time can you one brand should we go in with a big a big number one question yeah why not okay good people go so i've lost it bloody hell right okay people have brought up fucking questions don't they okay right number one matt have you ever had reservations about dating a feminist oh um no not really um i should probably explain a

little bit more why so i guess it depends um maybe what your definition of a feminist is what's your definition mine would be somebody who believes in kind of equality of opportunity um for both um and so therefore I would count myself as a feminist so I couldn't really have reservations about dating a feminist because then I would have reservations about people dating me at the same time which would be a bit hypocritical that's such an answer also equal opportunity and equal rights surely yeah yeah yeah all the equality we love that great great answer okay what did you think of each other when you were in school should i go first yeah you kick us off so i literally fancied matt loads um and thought he was really hot

what did you think of me we did have a bit of a thing in school, didn't we? We did. You used to snog behind the bike sheds. Yeah. So, but what else did you think about me? That's not a thing you thought. That's a thing that we did. That was a long time ago now. It's nearly like 10 years. What do you mean?

I remember. Yours wasn't that descriptive. It's like 10 years ago. Matt was head boy and was really well behaved and like really studious and I was quite naughty. You're pretending to be naughty. I'm not rebel I was a legend minor rebellions minor rebellions that is very true do you Matt consider yourselves to have similar background and upbringing um yeah well we went to the same school so by proxy we probably have very similar backgrounds in some senses but then in not others we've got the same I think we come from the same school so by proxy we probably have very similar backgrounds in some senses but

then in not others we've got the same i think we come from the same privileges yeah um but we have different like our families are quite different in our family structures and like the way that we were brought up in terms of like really nitty-gritty how we brought up on a broader like societal thing i'd say we had a very similar upbringing yeah both privileged and went to private school which is a massive thing isn't it yeah um okay one opinion about Anoni that has changed since you first met oh god I've got to think back over like 15 16 no how many years since we met or 12 years since we started going out the question is since you met Since we met or... 12 years. Since we started going out. The question is since we met, but any opinion that's changed with me,

that would be still since we've met. Maybe at school you weren't pretending, you didn't try to show people, or you weren't so, you didn't take pride in kind of how smart you were that much, or you didn't try to put it out there very much. So it wasn't something you wore with pride you know pride whereas now obviously it's like kind of central to who you are and who you want to be um what i want to be clever yeah you want to be known as being clever anyway

that is actually really perceptive i was really insecure at school so i just pretend to be really i would like yeah you pretend to be like an airhead and like being stupid which is ridiculous um and so yeah that's but I don't know if I held that opinion no I didn't know you you're too smart I didn't know that much okay um what oh yeah how do you both deal with any jealousy trust issues in your relationship we I don't think we've really had any um no well jealousy and trust are two different things I suppose if you if you have trust you don't really get very jealous I suppose well that's the way I see it do you know what it is I think you're so trusting and you're so non-judgmental and you're so not jealous I don't think I've ever got jealous

apart from once Matt liked a girl's picture when he was in Vegas and I freaked out for about because then I think did you get on a plane or something like you weren't in contact oh yeah and I that's so ridiculous to me to get annoyed about it but I was like I got so annoyed I was like why does he like to go to picture because he cheated on me that was right at the beginning we were going out but um apart from that I I think it's because I've definitely been in jealous relationships before but I think that comes from when you don't have a good foundation of trust that you said so because you're so stable and so trusting I don't get jealous I think if you're it's all about well not all about but communication plays a big part so if you're, it's all about, well, not all about, but communication plays a big part. So if you're super open and transparent about what you, what's okay and what's not okay in any relationship, like in life, then I think it makes it a lot easier for the other person.

Yeah. So. We do just share loads as well. I don't think there's any secrecy. So there's nothing like that I would be suspicious or anything of. Especially not in lockdown. It's a bit harder nowadays. You can't cheat on me now.

Okay. Is there anything you on me now. Okay. Is there anything you disagree over politically? No, most of the time we just nod, don't we? Yeah. We're quite similar politically, I guess. I'm sweating so much. It's so hot. You're nervous.

I'm nervous. No, I'm not nervous. Yeah, I don't think we disagree over anything politically. I think this is a question that's coming up later, but I think Matt, if anything, kind of reaffirms my um my ideas and also you're much more clued up on politics and stuff so if anything I'll look to you to kind of rehash things for me so I don't disagree we don't disagree really on politics are you ever tempted to try on my incredible clothes during lockdown if yes favorite outfit am i attempting to um well yes mainly

because i live out of a suitcase currently and suitcase is tiny so i don't really have many clothes um i have worn your clothes before as well yeah so there's been a few fancy dress parties where matt has worn my clothes i should probably qualify that shouldn't i have i've worn your clothes before to like a fancy dress occasion no but i think i do try and give you clothes sometimes when we're getting dressed and things we've dressed I've dressed up in your clothes in lockdown already

yeah I know we did Brittany and Justin yeah Brittany and Justin so yes is the answer but you've thrown away your leopard print flares which were a favourite of mine I know but they had a hole

in the crop they were from a pretty little thing and they lasted so many years and then eventually first of all they'd shrunk loads and then I got bigger so they just didn't fit

all around also although you did stretch them that hole might have been you have we ever broken up no not yet yeah not yet than I got got biggest loop just didn't fit all around also although you did stretch them that whole might be new um have we ever broken up no not yet yeah not yet not as as the time of recording no as the time recording we're still together which is which is great what's the best lesson you've learned from your past current relationship have you got my past past or current relationship um probably just to communicate more.

Yeah. I think. I'm not, it's, you talk a lot, you're good at talking. I'm not so amazing at talking. So I think, yeah, being able to communicate and vocalise what you're thinking or how you're feeling is important. I think we've actually learnt loads. But we've got, like, right at the beginning, we've kind of figured out our love languages, which I've spoken about before. And we, I think we really treated this relationship with care when we went into it, as in we really like spoke about it.

I don't think I've ever gone into a relationship with such kind of, I don't know what the word, do you know what I'm talking about? We kind of really thought about things and spoke about how we're feeling. So from, I think because we have that foundation of knowing each other anyway, we didn't have to get past any hurdles. We were just like,

this is what I'm looking for. This is what I need. So if we'd argued about something is what I'm looking for this is what I need so if we'd argued about something I would be like this is what I need from you and you'd say stuff to me like you need this is something that I feel and then gradually over time we just adopted to them so I can't really remember but I do think maybe because we knew each other there was a level of um like a layer that we'd already got through that maybe people come to later on in a relationship yeah and I think we were both quite happy being separate individuals like we were very happy being um single before we got together so to be honest it wasn't like we were looking for something to fill the void or to to solve something we were quite happy being separate so I think that

sets you off on a good footing I think that's why we work because I think especially for me I was finally at a place where I was really happy as an individual and I'd been really insecure before and I'd had bad relationships and then when Matt and I got together I was like no and then you forced me to go out with you now I'm very happy so that's good yeah well 12 hours later maybe or something no no it wasn't okay just coming off this topic, finance advice, please. And well, that's quite broad, but can you explain what you do and how you're coping with COVID-19, etc.? What do I do? What's your job? My job.

So I work for a consultancy company called Accenture, which is a large American company. But within there, I work in a very small part of it. I run their accelerator program, which is a program to help and support early stage companies, specifically within finance and financial technology. So it's called the FinTech Innovation Lab. That's what I've run for the last 12 months or so. And so I guess on a day to day basis, I'm looking to help and support early stage companies. Yeah. Well, how are you coping with COVID-19? And how am I coping? Oh, I think okay. Apart from the work situation, I moved out my own flat to move in with Anoni after about two or three days of working with my brother in the same flat. That was pretty unworkable, but luckily Nones and me both have quite different schedules or working schedules, so it's made it quite easy. But yeah, work's been a bit quieter, but massive changes I guess a lot of stuff that we did

previously um or at my company way a lot of it can be done virtually so we haven't missed out on too much his job's actually so interesting I remember when you first would like tell me what you did and I didn't really understand and weirdly there's been so many times when from like where Matt works in the fintech lab that I've actually found connections and people that I've wanted to work with and I always used to think that people that worked in the city did jobs that were just so far away from what I did I'd never find it interesting but actually what you do translates into loads of my work doesn't it yeah okay what's your fave dad joke all of them Matt loves dad jokes it's like your absolute forte anything yeah I don't have a list but anytime I can make a dad related joke or a dad joke of sorts

I'm right yeah I'm first he literally does them to me all the time I can make a dad-related joke or a dad joke of sorts, I'm right. Yeah, I'm first. He literally does them to me all the time. I can't even think. Can you think of any now? It's because you're not a comedian. You can't think of them off the top of your head. A comedian's plan, so that's probably...

Well, no, I'm just a freelance comedian that just does it. Yeah. Freelance. But no, I don't have a favourite one, but I do love dad jokes. Okay. What do you think the best qualities

are the best qualities of each other? These are all really nice questions. How many are we going for? Should we do three? Oh, God, three. Can we have a minute? You can have a minute. No, I can go if you want.

You go first. I don't want to say it's hard. You're very caring for other people, so quite selfless. So let's say selfless rather than caring. Do you think caring is a bit too gendered? Yeah, caring is... Well, I'm not sure if it's gendered. But do you know what I mean?

It's like that idea, like... Yeah, but no, you're selfless in terms of with both family, friends and everyone around you, which is really nice. You are really smart and intelligent and driven by your own thing. So being able to do and pretty much, well, from the time which you moved to London, you basically created your own little business from the ground up, which is pretty cool.

So that's number two. What's number three? You tell me, it's your question. Oh, God, it's bad, isn't it i'm really really funny oh yeah no you'd like to think you're you are so fun i think that's my number one quality being funny yeah no you are yes super easy to talk to and because you are quite humorous okay thanks i think yours are you're really non-judgmental i say this all the time, and you're really kind. And you really, like, see things objectively in a way that I don't understand how to do.

You're super calm. You never get angry. I've seen you angry once, even then you really weren't that angry. Yeah. And, yeah, you're really, I love, he's so motivated in everything you do with that sport, exercise, work. Like, if you put your mind to it, you'll do it.'s amazing for me that's taught me loads and you have like a really good routine and structure that's nice isn't it I was so much quicker than you you had time to think about it yeah that's true okay that's that's another question who's more career motivated

difficult because we both have very different careers I I suppose. I think we're on a par. Yeah, I think we're both very driven career-wise, but we're driven in separate ways and we have different careers. So it's difficult to compare. Matt, you've got a really good work ethic. Like, you work really hard. I have really big ideas that don't necessarily, might not happen. Yeah, we both want to do a lot.

Yeah. Okay, do you ever compare yourself to other couples um I try my best not to compare us to other couples you never compare us I I don't because I well I have a twin so to be honest I've been comparing my life to somebody else for the last 26 years and to be honest it doesn't really get you very far so I try to limit comparisons wherever possible because it just doesn't do you any favours. I try not to but I sometimes do but not like on a deep level. I'll just kind of be a bit joking

and then just see what Matt says. Just for bants. Did you both come into liberal views after school? I went to a similar school and all Tories! Oh god. All Tories I feel for you. I feel for your pain. Mind you a lot of people at our school probably were as well.

But still are Tories. People probably assumed that we might be anyway, I guess, accent wise. I think I was definitely way more conservative at school. Not knowingly, I didn't really have any political understanding or views of my knowledge. But then as I got older and I started learning about feminism, I went to university and I I, like, suddenly, loads of things just appeared to me, and I was like, wow, I really don't think I agree with the way that I thought about the world.

I didn't see my privilege at all. I don't think you were like that. I think you were, you were brought up maybe more liberal. What do you think? Yeah, potentially. I was, my parents probably voted Tory

most of their lives, but no, isn't it? I would have thought. I mean, they haven't always, but I know they have probably on, especially when they were younger, maybe not in recent times because it's got pretty darn bad. I don't think I was politically that

interested at school. I don't think I was engaged in politics when I was at school, whereas now, I think from university that's probably quite normal. When people go to university and after university, that's the point in which they tend to engage in politics because you can vote at that stage so when do you think yeah but i think whether or not not necessarily tory but liberal as in having a wide broader understanding of privilege and stuff i feel like you got that sooner than i did that but i thought

you're coming from a like a political star no yeah but political but then at school neither of us had like we weren't voting yeah so what was your do you think that you always had quite why do you think that is because of what you studied I think I was quite aware early on um from a privileged perspective and things like that because well I certainly didn't fit like a typical mold of somebody who'd be able to afford to go there like the school that we went to was like ridiculously expensive so I could only go on a scholarship anniversary so therefore like I didn't really come from exactly the same world as most of the people who were there so I was quite aware or acutely aware that they just were out in almost dealing in a different world oh yeah but so I completely faked it and I wanted to be like part of that world like I wanted to feel I didn't know

I didn't couldn't I didn't quite realize that because when you go there you feel like everyone's like that so I thought I was the upper level and I would act like, but I'm still really, we're still very, very privileged, but just not maybe in the same way as some, I don't know, it's tricky, isn't it? Talking about like class and wealth and things, the kind of different things.

I knew I was like well off compared to like 99% of the population, but then there was, and to like never take that for granted. You actually taught me, especially when we first started going out, you would be really good at grounding me and teaching me lots about privilege as well secretly matt's the backbone of this podcast i've been feeding in the episodes left right and center

oh interesting this is a good question random but interested in matt's general body boy perception of female body hair e.g legs oh we spoke to me speaking about this today yeah um i always have hairy legs i don't know maybe i'm just being conditioned to say that but yeah i've just been conditioned i'm like i just don't i wouldn't love it if you grow out your body hair which can sound terrible isn't it it does sound really bad i'm fully aware that it's based on like social conditioning but like you know but you wouldn't tell me i know i always wear my leg hair oh yeah your legs get nice and prickly and like you know not prickly i go them full yeah leg and your toe. I always grow my leg hair. Oh, yeah, your legs get nice and prickly. Not prickly.

I grow them full leg. And your toe hair. Matt plucked my toe hair the other day. I plucked your toe hair the other day. So I don't have a... You wouldn't... I don't have aversion to it. No, you have a preference to me.

Every now and then I'll go to Matt, do you think I should grow my armpits out just to get a reaction? And he's like, he'll then do a really long-winded story about, no, I mean, I don't know. But no, I don't think he does like it. But he wouldn't stop me if I wanted toed story about no I mean I don't know but no I don't think he does like it but you wouldn't stop me if I wanted to but it's just because I don't want to yeah exactly what's the weirdest joke you have that no one would understand I think anything like that is too critical I can't say the weirdest joke weirdest joke like in joke yeah I don't know you should put that on the podcast no okay I know you like

her in space what's it like to live together so closely we both like our own space that's yeah we do like our own space we've only had one or two minor hiccups since living in a very small space yeah and it was about that yeah yeah it was probably just about well it was it about it was about what it was about like oh yeah because I'm like I'm my work's creative and i'm really used to living on my own in my own flat so then when matt i but but then also because i have this side of me that i'm like oh i want him to do whatever he wants like you do your work i then kind of would it's more um it was like i was self-sabotaging because i was being people pleasing we didn't talk about it anyway no but no it's been what was the question oh that wasn't the question i know you like your

own space what's it like it's okay i think it's okay i'm loving it no it's like it's okay like you still get your own space right oh right yeah yeah well we we've always been good at like being apart together so we'll like read together or we'll be in this week we're really good at being in the same space but like not having to be together all the time so it doesn't feel like we'll just say if we want to do different things i'll just say oh yeah we do different stuff We don't do everything together. I just like fancy reading. Yeah.

Or you're going for a walk and then I'm asleep. Someone said, what is Matt's take on you going from tiny tank to all you involve yourself in now? I think it's cool. Yeah? Yeah. It's like broadening away from just one single fitness genre which is I don't know I did it's a bit um it's a bit limiting and I don't necessarily think it was true to what you really wanted to be doing anyway so yeah I'm all for you wanting to do something which is actually

far more true to yourself um anything that shows and everything you do at the moment you you love what you do well for the most part yeah you love what you do um and not having to post photos of yourself doing workouts each day is probably a massive relief it's not you may even if you like working out it doesn't mean you want to post about it 24 7 like I like I like like working out most time but I never want to post a video of it on a social media account I can only imagine how limiting and how dull that must get after the initial novelty wears off. Like once your following rises and you get a bit of affirmation, oh yeah, you're doing a good thing, good thing, good thing.

And you're like, well, actually, it's just really boring. And it's very, you get put into a box, don't you? You've literally put that better than I've ever said it. That is exactly why. It was like, yeah, I like working out. And everyone's like, oh my God, you're doing so good. So you keep doing it. And then after a while you're like, oh my God, it is actually horrible to film yourself yeah I like working out and everyone's like oh my god you're doing so good so you keep doing it and then after all you're like oh my god it is actually horrible

to film yourself the whole time working out I know it's not like I don't work out but that is why like I changed it oh there was a really funny oh actually let's ask this one what's your least favorite thing about my job being on social media oh when you I know what you're gonna say do you when you share something which you promise to say it's for memories like you'll take a selfie of us i didn't think that's what you're gonna say i can't even remember no i don't i don't think so when you sneak you sneakily say like let's take a side photo being like about us yeah oh being like it's for memories it's for memories and it'll be like in a compromising situation or it just we won't be looking too good especially me and then you'll go and post it and then I'll later realize that it's being

released like 125 000 people it's not as if it's sent to like a small group but it doesn't really piss me off you don't like having pictures taken so I'll be like oh babe let's take a picture for memories we want to remember this day and then I'll be like oh actually I'd quite like to post that oh and also taking photos yeah taking photos in I I don't like to post that. Oh, and also taking photos. Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say. Yeah, taking photos. I don't want to be the person who's the boyfriend of Instagram, like that person getting videoed taking a photo of his girlfriend. I don't mind taking photos, but I think being in a compromising position,

taking photos for an extended period of time can sometimes, yeah, that's not my favourite thing. I thought you were going to say that. So, yeah, two things. Whoops. Who who is the most stubborn how do you resolve arguments who is the most stubborn i'm stubborn i'm stubborn yeah but i think you do you think you're more stubborn than me yeah 100 i give it an easier i always apologize quite quickly yeah like just now you've just agreed that i'm more stubborn oh yeah oh my god am i really submissive no but just i i definitely am more stubborn oh yeah oh my god am I really submissive no but just I definitely am more stubborn I think because I can cope with the yeah like if we're in

an argument and and say say we've had an argument I can sit on that for a little bit and it doesn't bother me too much but I like I always want to resolve an issue if you could cook any meal for the other person what would it be so I'd like as in you're cooking it for me for my enjoyment okay we have been doing some like amazing roasts recently and that is really good um if you get it right like slow slow cook pork or whatever um it'd probably be a pasta based dish i would have thought for what i would like yeah uh for the most part yeah i'm now conflict convicted because we had a conversation earlier about favourite foods, and Matt loves burgers, but I've personally never really made a really good burger, so I don't know if I would make you that. I'd probably make you pasta as well.

Or a roast. Yeah, but you're actually, Matt's out doing on the roast front, and I basically always used to be head chef because I used to do really bougie cooking, and I'd invite Matt around and be like, oh, I'm such a good cook. And then now he's moved in with me and he's overtaken me at cooking how do you explain feminism and privilege to a white middle-class male you can explain how would you explain it to a friend um how would I explain it um so that I suppose that there are certain things in life um that will hold people back and by proxy of being a white male, you will never experience these things.

And so you almost can go through life with like blinkers on and not be aware of certain situations or certain structural things being in place which would disadvantage certain groups. Because to be honest, they would typically always be of advantage to a white male. And so you would never be aware that things are disadvantaged into others whether that's through jobs or whether that's through I don't know it could be any walk in life can you give an example of time when you think your white male cishat privilege has given you a leg up like the one that you can consciously think of rather than like just general things in life or not really I think that's the whole point though, like, I would almost be unconscious too. Yeah. I don't necessarily think I've seen, I think from a structural

perspective, the way in which the world of work is set up and life in general, it's pretty much set up for white males. So that's going to, you know, be a benefit to me, but I don't think there's ever been a thing. I think there's things that are less explicit nowadays which is probably why it's harder to call out specific examples yeah how do you how do you offset your privilege I think you should have to be aware to do it and you have to seek out the opinions of others and hear the problems of others and be willing and open to recognize that the way you see the world and experience the world is going to be very different from how other people get to experience the world based on

their situation um so I guess from like you can it's being an ally to people as well so you it's through understanding other groups problems and issues that you can better understand how you can be of help um and support and kind of change some of those things are in place as well yeah you're a very good ally that's a good answer do you wish I had a different job no because you love it like you love what you do at the moment anyway so no no um do you both have the same visions for the future same goals at the same pace we've been talking about this quite a lot lately yeah I'd say broadly yes I mean we pretty much do have well you want to own a house and decorate the inside to like the nth degree I've already heard plans for the room so obviously owning a home at some point is is high up on the

high up on the list my favorite game is the game of where we go for a walk and I design the house from top to bottom in my head and we'd never be able to afford it, but it's a fun game. Yeah. Similar pace, I guess. I think we're at the same pace. Because I feel like we're quite, not settled, but we're, like, happy in our jobs. Yeah, we're in a similar stage. Oh, this is for you.

How to stay fit while working full-time in a corporate job. Get up earlier. Or stick to some sort of routine. if you're not a morning person do it in the evening but i think doing it in the evening can be really difficult so for me um i personally i'm not saying it works for everyone i just get up early in the morning i go to the gym before work um and i find well i like i love doing it anyway so i don't really find it too much of chore um i quite like it but i think for people who maybe find what you like doing first of all like whatever exercise it is it can be anything um literally anything

and then figure out a way to put it into your schedule and make it a routine but it's like your therapy not your therapy but it's like your yeah because you he has to go like every day you get really antsy if you don't go and you're really he's really you're really good as well because you won't necessarily do loads if you're tired but it's like I think it's the process it's the routine of going that makes you feel good isn't it yeah and I think if you have like a corporate job you're going to be working a certain number of hours on somebody else's schedule so the rest of your day is almost owned by other people to a certain degree um you don't have full autonomy over it so having that first part of your day where it's yours and that's the first thing you wake up thinking about or

doing that gives you you know the chance to at least set the tone for what you want to do during So having that first part of your day where it's yours and that's the first thing you wake up thinking about or doing, that gives you the chance to at least set the tone for what you want to do during the day. Yeah, I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Daily Jackpots. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11pm every day. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

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See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. Someone has asked, how do I stop feeling the pressure of needing a boyfriend in my 20s? What do you think? In your 20s?

We're in our 20s. Yeah, we're in our 20s, yeah. I don't think you need to feel the pressure to have a boyfriend. Firstly, I think, and this is such cliche, but I think the reason why Matt and I got on so well is specifically because I probably, for the first time, wasn't looking for a boyfriend.

And when you try and, I think if you force a relationship to happen it will happen and then the likelihood is it might not be that good because you kind of you've made it happen and when you make things happen like in terms of relationships sometimes you can be blind to things that might not work like red flags and stuff because you're so desperate to have one I don't think you need to have a boyfriend at any time um I'm really happy that we're together but I wouldn't like I wouldn't just want any boyfriend I just want I just like having you yeah I wouldn't rush it yeah moving in with your partner money with your partner there was another question about this about like how do you organize your bills and stuff let me find that one because

I think don't answer it's too personal but how do you organize bills when you moved in together so because you're still paying your rent at your flat we just share like food bills and stuff yeah we share we share food bills and then you buy I buy the coffee and the wine um the essentials so I just buy boxes of wine and coffee and that seems to do yeah do the trick um but I think being as long as you just talk about it that's the easiest thing because you know where you stand there's no point if you feel something or you want to say something about finances or whatever just talk about it

well Matt went through all my finances the other day to help me with my tax next year so you're very up close and personal and with my money but we earn the same amount of money but from the get go we've had a very honest relationship about our finances which I've never had in a relationship before maybe that's because I was at uni and didn't have a proper job but I really enjoy talking about money with you and I find it really helpful to talk about like what you spend and what

we save and I think it's really it's just another layer and I think it is really important to know about your partner's finances yeah I don't think it should be a secret no and I think if we are different amounts we would unevenly weight the way that we spent as well. Yeah, but it depends, like, it almost would depend on what level you're at. Yeah. In terms of, like... But, like, say if I was earning, like, 10K and you were earning, like, 80K.

Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah, exactly. That's very different, but... Yeah. Yeah, that's... Yeah, it would be a very different situation. Top three Pekin Mitzvah sweets. Do you want to say mine and I'll say yours?

I won't know yours. Well... Of course you know mine. I know some. If you don't know know mine then what the hell are we doing here that's a very good question I'll say yours then so you like the pink and blue fizzy cola bottle no

not top three no way fudge I like them in the pack but I wouldn't pick them as top three a razzle, the white Razzles. White Mouse. No, they're too much. Okay.

If I had to select three things for picking a mix. Okay, fine. So white Razzle, cola bottle, Straub. Straub, probably, yes. But like the more fizzy ones. Right. The white chocolate one, which you said with the dots. Yeah, the jazzy.

And then, I love mini eggs. I would you said with the dots. Yeah, the jazzy. And then, I love mini eggs. I would put mini eggs in there. Yeah, well, you're a novice because they're not real sweet, so. Yours?

What are mine? White mice? Yeah, white mice you can have. Yeah, okay, thanks. A straw and a cherry, but really chewy ones that are like stale because I like them

and they're like stale. Could you just give away your other three? That was them. Two. Oh, no, I was going to say those. Oh, well done. Well, you know. At least I was going to gonna say straw ball cherry so i would have got two

at least okay why are you guys now living together you've expressed being in no rush to do so it's coronavirus just accelerating relationships left right and center isn't it yeah it's really funny yeah you say you go i don't think we were going to we were we were planning to move in in october so it shifted it forward a few months um but I guess when the lockdown started it was either move in together which is reasonable and we could definitely do that or don't see each other for extended period of time so to be honest it was a bit of a no-brainer um and also working here is so much work in the easier than working at my house with my brother because we both have similar jobs and we're both on the phone the whole time and it's pretty distracting so yeah well yeah we wouldn't

I was actually really not someone said how have you found your relationship changed when you've moved in together so nervous to do it I was really nervous as well because as we said like I love my own space and I'm really used to living on my own now and I was like oh my god I don't know if we're going to be ready in October Matt was like we literally would have been together for like three years so I think we'll be ready. But weirdly, we're living together and I think it's the best thing ever. I feel happier than ever. Do you?

Yeah. You disagree. I'm just nodding. I genuinely do think it's been like so nice. Yeah, it's been very good, hasn't it? It's just nice to hang out the whole time. We have a lot more time. Yeah.

So that's been. It's been like so much. I really thought it would be one, a massive change and two, really overwhelming. And if anything, I've found it like the loveliest thing. There was a really funny question that I wanted to answer for this too. So one of them was like, when did you first say I love you to each other? Should I tell the story? Because it's really funny.

Because you were really drunk. So basically we were at my birth. Because someone else has asked, when did you first realise you were in love? Is there a specific moment you remember? I was in, I felt like I loved you way before I said it, but I was too, like, didn't want to say it because I was being cool. And then at my birthday, I was really drunk and you lost me or something. We were in Gremios in Brixton.

And then I found you and you were like talking about something. And then I, I went, I love you. And then I just ran off. And you were like, where have you gone? And then you got really annoyed at me because we were both really drunk. And I was like, why are you so annoyed? And you were like, you just said you loved me, and then you just ran away. And I was really battered, and I forgot that I'd said it.

And then, did you say it back then, or you made me wait then because you were annoyed that I'd wasted it? No, I did say it. I did say it. You did? Yeah. But you were annoyed because I said it in like a... You said it, and then you kind of just disappeared into the night, and I was like, what am I going to do with that?

I probably went outside to have a cheeky cig. I was like, and I love you, bye! But I think I loved you from before that. What's one random thing you find annoying about each other and then one random thing that you love? What do I find annoying? I don't really find it that annoying because I'm just now used to it. But you do like to just leave stuff after you've used it

for like an extended period of time, just out in the house. And it's probably because you've lived on your own for a while. So like... And you're making it sound like I'm a slob. You're not a slob. You're just a bit messy. Just a tiny...

It's creative. Yeah. Let's call it creativity. I'll put it on creativity. It's artistic license to tidying, is what I would call it. Sincere lack of tidying, yes. Matt's really tidy.

What do I find annoying about you i find annoying that he's never get finds anything annoying like you don't nothing winds you up yeah i don't really get too stressed even something that i think is like really sad i'll tell the story and just nothing that annoys me but not in like a mean way i just i'm like it annoys me because i want to break you like i've never seen you cry. I'm so fascinated. You're not? No. You cried when you read A Little Life and I wasn't there and I was so annoyed

because I wanted to see. That is a really sad book. Oh, yeah, it's a very sad book. Okay, then one random thing that you love. I love the stroke in your head, but I don't think that counts. What? When it's shaved?

Yeah, but just in general, I just love a bit of a stroke of your head. Yeah. Do you love anything about me or just leave that one should we just leave that one no i'm joking obviously no i wouldn't say something inappropriate i was going to barbara refrain that's okay there's actually a rude question here but do either of you snore how does the other one deal do either of you snore or do you mean when anoni snores how do you deal with it yeah that is a basic question Do either of you snore? Or do you mean when Noni snores, how do you deal with it? Yeah, that is a little bit of a question.

Yeah, Noni does snore sometimes. Although I actually don't think I'm waking up as much from your snoring. You do just a little... A little snore every now and then. Matt's a really light sleeper, like the lightest sleeper you've ever met. And when we first started going out, I would not sleep all night long because he would poke me to stop me from snoring or roll me over. So I'd wake up in the morning, I'd be like,

fuck, I really feel like I haven't slept. And it would be because I was snoring but now that was in the first year but now you never wake me up snoring I wake myself up sometimes when I do a really one and then it you are quite good at snoring and sleeping in general yeah I'm really good at sleeping Matt would you still love me if I was a worm a worm a worm it's kind of hard to form an emotional attachment to it I've never loved a worm before so me if I was a worm? A worm? A worm. It's kind of hard to form an emotional attachment to it. I've never loved a worm before, so... What if I turn into a worm now, would you look after me? Oh, right, yeah.

Would you get another girlfriend and keep me in the... But you can't, you can't touch... Can you touch a worm? Because don't their bodies burn if you touch them? So that's pretty brutal. Is that worms? I thought it was reptiles. What?

No. Is that with worms? Okay, if I turn into a worm right now, would you put me in a really nice box and give me, like, a little home? Yeah. But then what if you got a girlfriend? I'd put you in one of the flower pots. Oh yeah, that's true.

It would look a bit suspicious though, wouldn't it? What, having a worm in a pot? No, moving into your flat and then you just, gone. Well, you'd have to explain to people that I'd turned into a worm. Yeah, exactly. That wouldn't be suspicious, taught it. Matt, on a scale of one to ten, how much of a feminist are you, inspired by Grace Campbell? Isn't it, well it's more, it's aired by Grace Campbell. Isn't it?

It's more it's a zero or one question isn't it? You either are or you aren't. No because I think you could be like I think a number ten feminist would be like

an activist who's out campaigning and Oh right. Well hang on what's to ten and what's to one because it's hard for me to scale.

like as one feminist would be someone that doesn't just not really like one feminist is someone that thinks feminism is the same asism and so they don't really know what it means and then a 10 is say who's someone that's really really feminist who's the most feminist person you know i don't know me you're up there but i think i'm about maybe like i'm a seven or

an eight but i'm not going out there wearing i am a feminist t-shirt but if people ask me then I'll always say but you also do you do stuff at work you're like an ally and you do actually yeah but I see this time yeah I see that as separate from I guess oh no that is feminism intersectional yeah I suppose yeah so you do actually do you do give portions of your time towards things so I think yeah you're pretty high up high up yeah high up on this oh this is interesting you said matt was quite feminist once lol it's next question what's both your views on marriage not yet no but what's your views on it basically it's obviously a very old-fashioned thing yeah it is an old-fashioned thing um do you want to go first on that or do you want me to I don't mind do you have anything to say immediately

yeah yeah you go I think it's always dictated by your own personal experience of not of marriage but of seeing your parents if they

if they were married if they were both together and so you know I was very lucky to come from a family where my parents were both together

happily so and you know their parents as well or at least on my mum's side were whereas my dad's was slightly more complicated um let's say that way so I've always had a very very strong um strong impression of marriage so I think it's something which can be hugely beneficial for a couple at the right point in time but I'm not somebody who would be wanting to jump into marriage thinking it's a silver bullet to solve a problem but what about all

the things I agree with all that but what about all the things like to do the fact that marriage the idea is that like the woman gets given away by her father and yeah I suppose you think you can discount that yeah I don't necessarily think it needs to be like that as well no like that's the framing of you don't it doesn't need to be like that as well. That's the framing of, it doesn't need to be like that. It's like the same as getting married in a church because you're saying vows in front of God. If you don't believe in God, don't get married in a church. Your marriage is what you can also make of it as well.

It's not a predefined thing. So I often feel funny saying, I really want to get married because I really want a massive party. You just want a ring. I want a really big ring, which is also not that feminist. Or maybe it is. I'm getting that dollar. Because I just like it.

But then I do, I see all the hypocrisies within it. But this is one of my, one of my things about feminism is that I do think, I do think a lot of it is about choice. And I do think that if it's, I think if you're aware of something,

then you can commit to it. I think sometimes the problem with marriage is if you don't understand all the history of it, then if you're ignorant to that, then sometimes that change it but yeah i suppose i just i see it purely my view of marriage i see it's committing to a single person for the rest of your life yeah i don't see it as anything it doesn't need to be anything more broad than that yeah and i think it's a nice thing to get people together and i don't know i do quite like the idea of it i do think it's old-fashioned and that's maybe one of the hypocritical parts of my feminism.

This is a good question. Interested to hear if Matt's more feminist now that we're together. Do you think I've made you more of a feminist? Maybe a little bit. You probably have. Do you not think I've impacted you? Yeah, you have. Yeah.

I'm more aware of certain, like, kind of marginal issues, which I maybe wouldn't have been before as well, based on people you either speak on, speak with on your podcast or just experiences in general as well. Yeah. I do talk to you a lot about all the things I learned in Thai. Yeah. Do we share food or split food when we get a takeaway?

That sounds like the same thing, but, um, Oh, well, yeah, I think they mean do you share? Do you share? We,

we're quite good at sharing with each other as long as we know there's enough. Um, we'll order two and then half and half. Half each. But yeah, we are actually pretty good at sharing food with one another. What's your thoughts on the gender pay gap? There's obviously still a massive issue

and I think the gender pay gap in terms of that one statistic can't really tell you an awful lot because it's just quite a blunt figure you can't really see but there's obviously a huge dearth or a lack of women in senior jobs in terms of leadership um within certain companies and that can lead to the pay gap being far more broad but there's definitely women that just get paid like in america it's like the difference between a man and a woman and then a woman of color and then a latino woman like you can literally see per hour for the same job they'll get paid massively less yeah and but i and i also

think like the biggest one of the biggest issues though is getting women into leadership positions like because they are seen as people who you have to take off time to have a kid whereas a man doesn't necessarily all these things which impact women which don't impact men can lead to them being disadvantaged and therefore not being not as many women being in senior positions yeah not to mention also though like um invisible what's it called invisible bias no what's it called when you have when someone will like not hire someone on the basis of like something do you mean there's that yeah yeah there's biases all around which will impact um women it's the same with like funding so like funding for early stage companies is massively biased towards like male orientated founders um and that's a huge huge problem and most of the time it's because the companies

they're investing are white pale male um stale it's stale very stale um and so they obviously just invest in people similar to them because they believe they're going to be best whereas if you look at i don't know you look at coronavirus response all the countries which if you know if you want to say i don't want to say best but all the countries which seem to have coped the best um you know globally are those led by women and i think that says a lot same with a lot of organizations as well i agree and also a lot of your work you do you you try to get women and female founders into your they think that's like a massive initiative you have Matt is actually almost more feminist than me you actually do more in your

work silently like you'd never I actually I do a fair bit but then I but there's those things in your work that you won't let me talk about that you do now I won't talk about it but he's basically just he is actually quite activist you do agree about the gender payback but you just

you were just talking about it like very oh yeah i completely agree it's like a thing and it needs to like there are things that need to be done to like reduce the gender pay gap um massively um but i also think there are other ways in which you can measure it which would show you the disparity and the problems more clearly do you speak openly about mental health with your friends yeah i think so. Someone said that their boyfriend struggles to open up to their friends and she feels overwhelmed because she wishes they would speak to their friends as well. Do you have any advice to speak about mental health with friends?

I think it's just saying, just checking in with people if you know somebody is going through a slightly tougher time. But what about if you're the one with the problem how would you encourage like i don't think friends ever going to be judgmental i guess it completely depends on the dynamic of your friendship group you boys are quite brotherly with each other aren't you yeah um it's difficult if somebody doesn't want to open up yeah it can be so i think it's often on the others and the other people within that friendship group to be able to um make them feel comfortable in opening up and at least saying you know i'm not okay or or whatever it might be at

that point in time because obviously for men it's like the biggest killer isn't it under 45 so it's obviously huge huge issue it's actually really sad that someone from our school the other day took their life and you just keep seeing it more and more with men and it is actually just so so hard but i think it's interesting as well because you're you're really pragmatic about talking about any issues and I think when a man is able to talk about feminism talk about things like that it gives you the ability to talk about things like mental health because you're not worried about the stigma of being effeminate you've never I've asked you that before when we first started dating people perceive it to be like it were I guess, well, I guess it's like... Like not an alpha male.

And like a weakness or whatever. But it's like, that's super weak just to have that kind of frame of reference or mentality. And I think actually our generation are really changing. I don't think... There will be certain people in certain pockets who still think that way and want to portray this kind of alpha male type vibe,

which is cool by them. But it's really probably them just... It's a bigger front for their own insecurity so being able to talk about anything um whether that's mental health or feminist issues whatever it might be getting over the fact that it's not weak to be talking about issues which impact other people i think that's a good thing yeah there's another question kind of guess related to this which is what advice would you give to men who struggle with confident women who struggle with confident women you've I I always used to yeah you're confident women so I don't know um yeah I don't know I think I've always been you always got

girls who've got a lot to say women who've got a lot to say things other than who are very outspoken kind of like a bit too much of a derogatory term you want people to be completely sure not completely sure of themselves but like to be you know their own person be super independent and driven by themselves um and therefore by proxy probably confident i think that's a good thing yeah i don't think you want not not necessarily confident i don't have to be completely really loud or whatever but i think you want someone to be happy with themselves. Yeah, just like sure of themselves and happy with who they are, whatever that is, whatever form that takes.

I think, I guess, people, men sometimes might feel like they're intimidated if a woman's confident because it undermines their, this is what I was going to say, when Matt and I first started dating, I'd always gone out with guys who thought, they thought they were like alpha males, but they were very kind of, quite a lot of of toxic masculinity which I think came from insecurities and stuff and Matt just any question I asked you you would never ever take offence like no matter what not they're rude but I could ask you things which I don't think I'd ever asked for men before and you were just like no I don't think that or this is what I think about this and I was like do you ever feel and that's what made me think you're like such an alpha male I think that's such a cool place to

be to be really open and really liberal in your views but have you ever had men like friends or acquaintances ever pull you up or say anything when you kind of talk about feminist issues or anything like that because I think that's a misnomer I think people assume that oh my god I can't be like this because some someone's a think this when it's actually if in practice has that ever happened yeah not really and I think if you surround yourselves with the right type of people then they don't really they they don't call you up on that kind of thing because there's nothing to be called up on and yeah i don't know if you're sure of yourself and you're happy with what you're talking about then fuck them it doesn't matter yeah i completely agree i'm just

gonna do like two more questions it's hot in here as well it's so hot it's like being on a can't really sense it on a podcast, but it's steaming. I'm sweating. Lol. Yeah, me too. Not as much as you, though. Yeah, am I dripping? Thank God this is an on video.

Okay, this is a good one. Matt's faves books, and then... It's the first question. What are your favourite books? You need to sit next to the mic. Oh, I need my phone. What? I do love books. You do?

Matt reads more than I do the one I'm reading at the moment I'm enjoying very much, that's Top of Mind that would be Billion Dollar Whale I won't go into too much detail but it's basically about how somebody embezzles billions of pounds from a sovereign wealth fund

to use that to fund pretty much partying in Vegas, paying for films and doing whatever the fuck they want and it's pretty mad so if anyone wants to read that to fund pretty much partying in Vegas, paying for films and doing whatever the fuck they want. And it's pretty mad. So if anyone wants to read that, that's cool. And then the other two, maybe from this year, because I won't go into last year's, because that would just take me far too long.

I'm trying to, because I bet you this year that you couldn't read a book a week. And then I started doing it and then I kind of, I am reading a book a week, but you've now read more than me yeah well it's going it's going well and then uh I suppose number two um The Choice uh by Edith Eger I think I'm pronouncing that correctly um that was a great book um pretty dark at times but about a holocaust survivor who's kind of turned her life um around completely obviously from like devastation and and kind of the choice within that and it's not dissimilar from man's search for meaning so

people have read that that's quite a good one that really affected you didn't it you found that really sad yeah that was super super sad but also very enlightening and then the last one um how will you measure your life by clayton christensen who died maybe earlier this year or late last year one of the two um pretty much what what kind of legacy do you want to leave um and how you therefore live your life accordingly like what do you want people to remember you by um rather than just how much you earn which is pretty pointless um so pretty much what decisions you take on a day-to-day basis to reinforce that um I'm not even sure I'm doing all of it but I'm trying it's really funny because I read loads I love fiction and Matt loves non-fiction but Matt

really you like absorb things so much and you really want to I don't like it's like you really improve you really take a lesson you learn it I'm very bad at that so I want to I want to learn make mistakes myself as you're like no if I don't have to do something wrong if i can get the answer faster i'll try to but then you probably have to live most mistakes to get smart anyway so you have to probably make the mistakes regardless but hopefully just at certain points in time you remember something you've read from somewhere which will point you in the right direction yeah potentially we've just got such specific personalities do you know what i mean i feel like we're so typecast as a person like your personality and my personality are really

different but they're really like not stereotypes which you know what I mean I feel like we're so typecast as a person like your personality and my personality are really different but they're really like not stereotypes but you know what I mean yeah okay the other part of that question is what was our favorite holiday I think we'll say the same one which holiday I'm having like a blank on all the holidays we've been on I I was gonna say Venice even though that's so yeah that was so true well I'd say Italy in general although I'm not gonna put it down to one holiday i fucking love it yeah it but venice was amazing wasn't it it was like we only left like a few days and we just had like the happiest time we just ate so much food drank so much wine i don't know what it was but it was just like everything was right it was like you know in a film when all the lights go green and everything. That's what that holiday felt like for me.

Would you agree? Yeah, it was. He just started reading his emails. He doesn't care about my story about Venice. He just lied to us. Okay, should we do one last one? Emily, that's your one for my sister. What would be the four items you can't live without?

Do you have to be one of the items? No, I'm not an item. I'm a human. You're all shit. Right. I'm glad we cleared that one up on the request. What would one of the items? No, I'm not an item. I'm a human. You're all shit. Right. Glad we cleared that one up on the request. What would be the four items? Probably books.

Okay. These are all physical things that I can't live without. Food is probably high up on the list. Yeah, but I think that you would be... I reckon if you had food, shelter and... Okay, so your basic needs are taken care of. Yeah, Masley's hierarchy of needs are taken care of. Right. I don't think there's anything I really couldn't live we had this conversation the other day didn't we i mean literally just like i mean i i've been here for what nine weeks and what do

i have i have some clothes and i have books that's pretty much like four t-shirts two pairs of shorts and a pair of jeans i have a laptop for work and a phone but i could live without those if you want if you want if you ask me to I think I couldn't live without fake tan yes books music do you live without music actually I do really like podcasts as well and I do really like well that's handy you've actually got such a nice voice for podcasting I was going to tell you that when we're off air but I'll tell you now thanks do you want to start your own no I'll leave it to you I think it's gonna be my one and only appearance you could have your own what would you call it adulting 2.0 yeah I don't know I'm not I'm not looking to get into the podcast business are you not mind you I did see Joe Rogan signed like a

deal for I think like 300 million this week for like to be on spotify so maybe maybe i should reconsider but i don't i'm not getting paid that just for in case anyone's wondering if i was 300 mil fucking hell yeah i mean my flat's nice but it's nice but it's not it's not 300 mil nice i also don't own it um okay i think that's everything did you have anything else that you wanted to say i think you've been such fantastic guests that was good apart from just being so hot enjoyed that it was

thanks for your questions guys there was some as well yeah we did loads you were honestly you were great you spoke well you have to say that

because we lived together would you like to be my boyfriend you can't really you can't be mean to me I'm never mean to you no you're not you're not but no that was fun

that was fun. That was good. Well, thank you so much for listening, everyone. And I'll see you next week. Bye. You say bye? Bye. Bye. Bye. We'll be right back. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11 p.m. every day.