Adulting - #9 "Giving it your all' with Henry Fraser

Episode Date: July 15, 2018

SO PLEASED TO BE BACK FOR SEASON 2! Thank you so much for your patience, I hope its worth the wait! I loved chatting to Henry, he's not only incredibly inspiring he's also super lols! You can find Henry on social media @henryfraser0. Please do rate, review subscribe and let me know what you think! http://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/ http://www.transportforall.org.uk/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey guys, guess what? I'm so excited because this episode of adulting is brought to you by Time of the Month Organic. They're the guys that sent me my menstrual cup. If you follow me on Instagram, I'm sure you'll know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you can find them at at TOTM Organic on Instagram. And basically they sell eco-friendly, vegan, cruelty-free, organic cotton tampons. I know that sounds like my really long order at Starbucks. And they sell reusable menstrual cup. If you follow me on Instagram, you will know that I am completely converted and love it.

Anyway, I'm going to talk a little bit more later on in the podcast. I hope you enjoy the episode and thanks again to Time of the Month. Hello and welcome to Adulting. This is the podcast where we discuss that time in your life where you don't really necessarily know what's going on but you think that you're supposed to know. And today I have a very exciting guest with me. He's been very elusive, very hard to get,

but I finally got him. It's Henry Fraser. Hello. Thank you for having me on. No, you're more than welcome. Thanks so much for coming. Well, actually I came to you. But yeah, so Henry Fraser is a really inspirational guy and you might know him from his book which is out called The Little Big Things and you might have seen him on Instagram, he does really inspirational mouth paintings which are incredible. Do you want to explain a little bit of how this came about, like why you wrote this book and well I um well I had an accident back in

July 2009 when I was on the beach one day me and my mates had a kind of lads holiday abroad went to Portugal for a week um then one day we're just playing muck around on the beach as I had done kind of the few previous days before um kind of chucking a rugby ball around, kicking a football around, and I decided to go run to the sea and cool off. I mean, I'd done the exact same thing earlier that day, but this time I ran into different parts of the sea off the beach, dived forward from where I thought the seabed would carry on dipping down and getting deeper,

but it turns out there was just kind of a sandbank in the way and I dive forward on head first straight sandbank and dislocated my neck and from that moment on I was paralyzed from the neck down I was kind of just left there floating in the sea and I've worried for my life really I mean I thought at that point I was going to die um very lucky I had two friends who close by who I'd followed into the water they're to one side they asked me if I was okay I managed to barely get my mouth out of the water and say no they dragged me out of the water and then from that moment I was taken to hospital. Taken to hospital, had surgeries on my neck, had all kinds of illnesses and other ailments and trucks beyond belief

and surgery to screw and wire the vertebrae back into place. Pacemaker because my heart kept stopping and all these things. And then a few weeks there, came back to England, six months in hospital in England, trying to get myself as fit and healthy as possible and try and push myself. That's what the book's about, really. And then the years between that happening and the book,

before I even started the book, I never thought in my life I'd ever write a book. I've never been the biggest reader. I've never thought about sharing my story in that way. But someone asked me if I wanted to share my story and my experiences. And I just thought, why not? I'll give it a go and see what happens. And yeah, it's kind of been a bit mad, the whole thing.

It's all, I don't know, it's way more than I ever expected. But I think that's because your reaction on the way that you've dealt with the situation is more than I ever expected. But I think that's because your reaction or the way that you dealt with the situation is more than anyone could expect. Like I was, when I was reading the book, it's so overwhelming. I mean, for anyone nowadays, we will talk about mental health so at the forefront and everyone in kind of any position has days

where they're like, I'm finding this really hard. But when you read the book, like I honestly read it and I couldn't explain it. So what I was saying, I was emailing Emily Henry, like, saying, like, you are amazing. Because I just can't explain how overwhelming and grounding it is to read someone who's been through something which,

in any situation, is going to be probably one of the most difficult things anyone could face. And it's just your outlook and your positivity. And obviously, I'm sure that there were times when it was really, really difficult. But, I mean I mean everyone you need to read the books anyway the little big things very very good but it's just the way that you you've now completely changed your outlook on life and I've actually like bookmarked little quotes that I even read now there's stuff about when you like first have that drink of water you know I never really knew what it meant to be

thirsty until I had that and yeah well I'd gone five weeks without eating or drinking a thing. So when I had those moments again, maybe, no, about six, seven weeks actually without eating or drinking, and you forget about those things. And when you have it, I was desperate for it. I was desperate for a drink all the time. But I just wasn't allowed because my body, all the muscles in my

neck and chest and everything I wasn't allowed to swallow anything just in case it went down the wrong way and I'm not able to get it back up again and I can choke and all those kinds of things so when I tasted it I was like this is the best thing I've never really tasted it water and things that you just learn to grasp those little moments those things that give you a boost that that's one of the things I want to get across the book I didn't want to sugarcoat anything I wanted to go is tell people how dark I was in my mind and how ill my health was and all these things and because I wanted to kind of show that no matter what the circumstances no matter what happens to us we can still find positives in these situations and sometimes it does you do have to go

to those dark places to almost start from the bottom and I had I speak about it in the book kind of the toughest day I had and probably the toughest day I ever had in my life Rwy'n siarad amdano yn y llyfr, y dydd mwyaf anodd i mi gael, a'n debyg y dydd mwyaf anodd i mi gael o'r bywyd i mi, oedd pan roeddwn i'n cael fy nghymryd i mewn gwylio am y tro cyntaf. Rwy'n credu bod yna tua ddwy mis ar ôl y digwyddiad. Roeddwn i'n mynd i fynd o hyd i'r ospital ac roeddwn i'n gallu dod i fyny a gweld yr holl llefydd y mae fy ffrindiau a'r teulu i wedi bod yn siarad amdano. Roeddwn i'n meddwl, mae'n wych, mae'r peth gorau. family had been talking about and I thought that's fantastic it's the best thing I went outside it's kind of it's kind of mid-September it's still warm it went out walk around the hospital about to come through the main entrance of the hospital which was these two big glass doors and the first

time in two months I saw my reflection and the last time I saw myself was probably on the night out, the day before the accident. And before the accident, I was this fit and healthy 17-year-old boy, kind of loved the gym, I was strong, I was healthy, and then I saw myself and I was in this big chair, this big headrest, so I couldn't support my own head, armrests. I was so thin, my clothes just hanging off me. I had the tracheotomy in my throat with an oxygen tank attached to it because I still couldn't breathe properly for myself.

And the world just froze around me. And I'd lost four stone at that point. I was so thin. And then I got back to my room, pulled the curtain on my bed, and I just cried, and I cried. My mum was with me. I just wanted to be able to hug my mum. I couldn't even hug my mum,

and I was just crying. My brothers came to see me. I was crying. My dad came to see me after work. I was crying, and then he left. He was always last to leave, and I was on a pretty strong sleeping tablet at that time, but not even those could send me to sleep that night,

and I was having a kiss until about 3 or 4 in the morning. I was on some pretty strong sleeping tablets at that time, but not even those could send me to sleep that night. And I was having a kiss till about 3 or 4 in the morning. I was just crying. And then I just had this kind of moment where I just couldn't cry anymore. And I just generally just thought to myself, I was like, all right, I want no one to blame what's happened. I might as well just get on with it. And then from that moment, my whole mindset changed.

Because I guess before that moment, I always had this kind of that denial in the back of my head of I want to be fine I want to walk out of hospital and yeah before that point I had found positive moments but in my head there's always that that hint of denial and this had just kind of the reality of the rest of my life had been shown to me in that reflection and at that point I just had to deal with it there's no point Ac roedd y gwirionedd hwn yn dweud wrth fy modd y bywyd, a dyna'r sylwad. Ac ar y pwynt hwn, roedd rhaid i mi ddelio â'r pwynt hwn. Does dim rhan i mi ddod â'r adegau hynny. Dyma fi, rhaid i mi ddod â'r pwynt hwn. Ac wedyn, o'r adeg honno, fe wnes i ddweud,

byddaf yn mynd i ffocws ar yr holl bethau y gallaf ei wneud, edrych ar y pethau cywir, ceisio gael fwy o'r hwyl hwn, focus on all the things I can do, look at the right things, try and get rid of this ventilator full time, get rid of the oxygen tank, get rid of all those things and just bit by bit build it up. I say that one of the things that I think is so positive about the book, just for everyone to understand,

is I never really realised if someone suffered from paralysis or that kind of injury, the extent of all the other problems that you have coming off the back of that and how much you would have had to go through. Because to get from there to where you are now I guess no one really sees into that space where no and I mean I never knew about a poor max knee either I I like most people when

you see someone in a wheelchair you just think oh they can't walk yes but there are so many there's just basic things so from in many cervical injuries with the neck my level not really people are ventilated at the start because the lungs shut down they won't work so i had to retrain my lungs had to push my body really try and get the work again and being through those things you have to look after your skin because the skin's completely prone to pressure sores and breaking. Yeah. Those things can set you back months and months.

I've been with people who had sores, and they were then bed-bound for three or four months. And things, the body, temperature control in the body completely goes. You have to learn about that. You can't forget the body gets too hot in the sun. You can't be outside too cold, the opposite way. So there's all these things and I mean there's still kind of things we're learning now but yeah it's kind of life you just

adapt to them and everyone has little things they have to change to then those are just mine do you think in a weird way like when you saw yourself and you realized that actually I am gonna like be disabled it gave you like more certainty than you'd ever had about like I've got to make the most of everything kind of thing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, before my accident, I mean, I took a lot for granted. I was very lucky.

Me and my brothers were sent to very good schools. We were kind of in the best environments possible. We grew up and our parents gave us kind of just a great life. And I guess I kind of coasted a lot of time just because things came naturally. I never really had to push myself. And then suddenly when everything's taken away from you, yes, I've still got my family.

Yes, I've still got my friends. I've still got the people I love around me most of the time. But then suddenly I thought, if the accident was always going to happen in my life, if I could go back and do all those things again, I would have put so much more effort into it. And there's a great quote I read once. I can't remember if it was by, but someone said,

it's not the things you do that you regret, it's the things that you don't do. And I never really thought about that and until recently i think there's some it's so true but by the same token like you are like you say that but i think you're even you're like i never had to work for anything but clearly your character and your resilience and who you are has enabled you to like deal with it i'm sure that you you know no no for the accident i was very mentally very very weak really i used to just give up a lot of things if i knew they wouldn't work i wouldn't if there was ever a chance of me failing at something i'd rather not do it yeah then push myself and do it and fail and learn from it i was just so scared those things like i used to have i used to get anxious about so many things and worry about everything really whereas now it's kind of I've had to put all my strength I've had to

kind of switch it all into my head and kind of complete reverse of how I was before um so now I'm so open to trying things and if it doesn't work it doesn't work that's fine at least I know it doesn't work yeah of done it, just things like I used to be, public speaking used to terrify me more than anything else, I hated being in front of people I hate it right now

no not now, I was meant to say hated, but I don't know why I said hate I'm not giving him the worst time right now he's like I hate you going away but I couldn't even get up in front of a class of 10 people and give a presentation and now I was given the opportunity a few years ago now to give a talk

and share my story and I just thought why not I'll give it a go and I spent 6 months working on the best script for it we worked very hard for the whole week before the first tour I was a wreck I wasn't talking to anyone in my family I was talking to my friends I was like people just leave me alone and like I'm so nervous oh no I barely sleep but then I did it and I was like

this is brilliant I really enjoyed it and after the end I kind of had this rush of it and now public speaking is a big part of my life and being in front of people a lot. And it's, like, those things, like, I just wish I'd tried it before. Why did that happen? I just kind of think to myself, why didn't I do it? Why didn't I just go for it? But maybe that, like, you don't want to regret that, because for all you know, like, it would have taken this

to make you, like, live the best life that... Yeah, no, that's why it's, like, that's... I always say, kind of, adversity has given me a gift. It's given me the chances to do all of these things. It's like I've been given a second chance. But then by the same token, like I can't even imagine how hard... It's so hard to break it because I want to be like, you're incredible, this is amazing.

But then at the same time, I'm like, this is fucking difficult what you're dealing with. And like, I'm sure it's still hard now, even though you're so positive um no I mean now I'm kind of in a place where I've I don't know kind of got nothing to worry about yeah um I get to kind of the work I do jobs that I want to be able to do I've not been forced down one way or the other I'm one of the kind of lucky people in this world that gets to say I really kind of love what I do. And it's, yeah, I don't know.

It's one of those things that just happens and it's just my life, I'm getting on with it and trying to live how everyone else lives theirs. So in terms of, like, coming back to adulting, like, when you were younger and the way that you looked at life or like how you put your grip and like now the way that you look at things how else has that changed i guess i've kind of learned i need to be a bit more organized and plan things and whereas now i'm kind of i've got a focus when i do something i'm really focused on it and make sure i'm going to do it and like I said I just try things and try and if they don't work I can learn from it and then I

can just how I progress with other things like art if I do a painting doesn't work then I can go all right that doesn't work maybe if I try this and it's just trying to make myself better at the things I'm currently doing yeah whether it be talks and learning from each talk and adjusting each time if I spot a bit in the script that two weeks ago you sounded good but now doesn't sort of change it and it's just little things and it's all little things that you need to keep adjusting and working on it seems like you've got really great patience and also, like, especially talking about your art,

like, even if you go back through, like, how your art's progressed and how incredible it is and you just seem to have a real understanding of now, like, you just always seem to draw

the positive out of things which is what is so amazing because it's really born out of, as you say, like, a hard time. But... Yeah.

See, I mean, trying to find, again, for the accident, I'd never find positives anywhere at all and anything i did i'd always be finding negatives um whereas now it's kind of there's no point ever looking at the negatives i don't don't see the need for it and it's only looking at those

things is only destructive it's never going to help you it's never going to help anyone Mae edrych ar y pethau hynny yn unig yn ddysgwyl. Nid yw'n mynd i'w helpu chi, nid yw'n mynd i'w helpu unrhyw un. Ie, mae sbwylltio negatifion a'u deall a'u datblygu i'w gael yn iawn, ond mae'n dweud yn dda. Dwi ddim yn gweld y pwynt. Felly nawr, yn unig beth rwy'n ei wneud, rwy'n ceisio dod i'r cyfle i ddod â phosib. Ydych chi'n credu bod hynny wedi'i ddynnu ar bobl o'ch gilydd, fel eich ffrindiau a'ch teuluoedd? Dwi ddim yn gwybod. on people around you like your friends and family um i don't know i think i was kind of probably most negative out of probably anyone i knew but do you think your positivity now because coming out from like when i read your book there was certain bits and i actually had to make notes

on my phone that i was going to change that because i just read certain things that really gave me such a good perspective and i was like right i'm not gonna do xyz anymore and i'm sure that people have read your book and had that same response and i'd like there's also a bit where you're like i also don't want people to think that i'm writing this about i don't want you to feel sorry for me i'm not saying this i'm saying you need to realize where the good is in everything which is an amazing point of view yeah um i guess because i'm around friends and family all the time maybe maybe they have but maybe I just don't see it. Yeah.

I'm just with them. You're just always imparting wisdom. Never, ever. But I don't know. Maybe it has. I've kind of never really spoken to my friends about how they've kind of reacted to these things. Yes, they've told me about certain things,

but I guess we just kind of reacted to these things yes they told me about certain things but i guess we just we just kind of got on and got on with things as normal i guess everywhere before the accident yes kind of when i was with my friends at the start it was very emotional we cried a lot together but now we're just as kind of stupid as we ever were when we're in a group i guess some things never change that's enough to say, obviously that's what we were talking about before, like it seems no matter how old you get you always feel too young

I still feel like I'm not an adult or like I'm not ready to face certain things oh no, not at all I mean I'm 26 years old and yes I've kind of got a hold of most of the things I'm doing but still times I can't believe I'm 26.

I still feel like I'm in the last years of school, my late teens, hanging out with my mates. But I guess that's quite a nice thing, that at the same time, it's like these things are still normal, you're still able to have fun and enjoy yourself like well when you're younger yeah i think i think maybe it's just you never you just feel as young all the time because you're always that age i don't know if that makes sense but it's when i feel old is when i'll try

and make an excuse and i'm like oh it's because i'm only 24 and i'm like oh shit no probably i probably can't use that as an excuse anymore but it's really annoying but looking forward what about so after all this, is there anything particularly that you have a goal that you really want to achieve? Good question. It's one of the things everyone always asks me, because in the book and in my talks,

there's a big bit where I talk about goals and goal setting. But at the moment, no, I guess the book took over my life more than I thought it would. Were you overwhelmed by the response? Oh, massively. The messages I've had from people like yourself and others have been... It's crazy. I've read the book not really expecting much I guess so that at the same time if stuff did happen it just felt that much better yeah oh yeah that makes things that much nicer but I don't know it's just at the moment I'm kind of catching up on all the art that kind of backed up whilst I was promoting the book and I've got an exhibition coming up in September. So that's my next goal and there are a couple of things that are kind of in the pipeline but I'm kind of

unsure about them but I don't know, maybe they'll come out next year. When you were writing the book, was that a really enjoyable process? Did you think, actually, this is really cathartic? No, I mean, the whole cathartic release came when I wrote the first part of my story on my website. Right. Because I guess at that point, I'd never really spoken to anyone about what had happened.

I think it was about ten months after the accident happened. And at that point, for typing, I was using a kind of headset microphone. So I was talking to the laptop. And I was saying all this stuff out loud. And that was quite tough at times. Because at that point, of course, everything from the start was still fresh in my mind. But now, I mean mean I enjoyed writing the book it was quite interesting trying to get the whole

narrative out of it and build the story and get the emotion but that's what's so cool because you're not you didn't study writing or anything and you've written it it's like a really good it's an amazing story in and of itself but then you've also like you said it's got a that, it's like a really good, like it's an amazing story in and of itself, but then you've also, like you said,

it's got a narrative and it's got... Yeah, I mean, I hated writing school. I hated reading that because I only liked sport and I only liked the creative subjects. So yeah, I guess that was a big challenge, trying to switch my mind into writing mode and um but it was fun and it's trying to get other people's um side of the story as well and all the bits that i missed kind of the bits when i was stuck in bed and they're around the hospital and all these other things

going on that i didn't get to see so speaking to everyone else about it and and then trying to edit it down and i enjoyed it I mean the toughest bit was trying to get all the the last details at the end trying to get the front cover finalized yeah I got to write all I got to write the title and the chapter titles and paint the picture on the front yeah so it's um so I enjoyed that that was quite fun yeah but it takes longer and it's kind of everyone's got their own ideas. Luckily the head publisher I was working with, she was kind of on the same wavelength as me. So we managed to get what I wanted mostly.

So it worked out well. Grace? Yeah? You know that I love talking about periods? I think everyone knows that. Well I was just wondering because you've changed haven't you what you've been using as your sanitary product I absolutely have and I'm so excited about it what have you been using so I um got my period last week and I was so excited for

the first time ever I got to switch to my menstrual cup which I've been waiting to do for so long I I've been loving it have you been because I've got we were on our periods at the same time yeah as always yeah um I love my menstrual cup it's just cheaper better because when we were in Venice the best thing was I didn't have to take how many tampons out with me I just had my menstrual cup in general I've been using the organic tampons because I literally had no idea about the difference between tampons and obviously I'm vegan as well and I had no idea that obviously you just don't think of things like material things as not being vegan so as soon as I found out about time of the month

I was so excited because if you think about it you think about everything else you put into your body and if you think about a tampon spending a lot of time up in there yeah well hopefully not too much no that is why I do like a menstrual cup though because you can actually leave it in for like 12 hours I think although I do change it on the right better for the environment it's better for you and it's just so much easier it's so fab just having one thing like I remember thinking that was so stressful we had a really small clutch bag on a night out and I'd literally have to use half the bag for all the tampons yeah and I'm not going to lie

as we know I go through a tampon very fast especially at the beginning of my period so to have something like a menstrual cup that holds so much more periodicus and you can get different sizes depending on like if you've given birth or if you're under a certain age and you haven't had sex

we're over don't tell people i've had sex i'm a virgin thank you very much sorry i keep forgetting so do i thanks so much for sharing your switch story with me that's okay i'll share anything with you so in terms of like as well within like I guess people who have been paralysed or in the disabled community have you found that this book has like helped people in those situations as well because I really don't think that a story like this has been in mainstream

media ever really I've had a lot of messages from a lot of disabled people saying that it's kind of helped them and give them a different perspective I mean there are many people out there with stories like dweud bod hynny wedi helpu nhw a rhoi gwahanol safbwynt i nhw. Mae llawer o bobl y tu allan gyda storïau fel fynyddu a phobl sy'n meddwl fel fi, ond roeddwn i'n ffodus, roeddwn i'n rhoi cyfle i fynd i'r cyfle i ddarparu fy hun yn llyfr. I guess I was given, I've been given a very popular social media platform

and following, and I guess it'd be irresponsible of me if I didn't use it in the right way and share the right stories and try and help others. So yeah, I mean... FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots. Guaranteed to hit by 11pm with your chance at the number one feeling. Winning. So, yeah. located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Select games only. Guarantee void

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do the book or whatever it's so good that there finally is and that you're like someone who's captured people's hearts and like they're really interested in you because what that means is as you say it's going to give more representation for people who have suffered similar injuries to you or been through similar things which wasn't there before and I think that's like such a massive part of growing up and learning is realizing like seeing your privilege

in certain situations and so for me like to be able to speak to you and understand your story and for you bringing that to the limelight is going to have such positive repercussions thank you for other people in the future which is amazing yeah whereas um publisher said because i painted that painting yeah of me on the beach um probably about two weeks before we started talking about the front cover. Was that from a photograph or from... Yeah, so it was... I think it was 2016. We've got a house down in Dorset near the beach.

Nice. We went down to the beach one day, and it was the first time I'd been on a beach since the accident, so it was eight years later. Seven years after, sorry. And I asked my mum to take a photo of me on the beach. Obviously, I wanted to just kind of have that moment. And then I decided to turn it into a painting.

And it was published as saying it's one of the few books, one of the only books actually has a wheelchair on the front cover. Oh, wow. I didn't know that at the time, but now that I know that, it's great. And it's great that they were willing and very happy to be part of that as well. Yeah. And wanting to show that in them. That in itself is a massive thing.

Because I was even talking, I run a book club, and we were talking about yesterday about, like, understanding privilege and stuff. And to go, I had a friend who did the thing where she had to try and get around the whole of London in a wheelchair like a return from work she was like oh my god it took me out and she was like I cannot believe how much we don't set up this world for people who have a disability oh no it's shocking like really completely shocking I mean I get taxis if I go out in London I go out in London with a lot of my mates and if I do I get I get a taxi in and out and yeah it's expensive it costs a lot of money but I'd rather spend that money than go

through the hassle of getting trains because you can't turn up to a train station no you've got to call up you've got a book you've got to make sure someone's going to be there to help you get on and off the train or use the ramps to get up the stairs and stuff and it's like you you can't just go out and live a life like everyone else and there are there's a tune map released recently of how many stations have are accessible and it is the number is shockingly low and even there's all these stories about people turning up to stations and the lift's just not working and they haven't been working for months no one's done anything about it it's like these people live trying to get to work just like everyone else but they can't and then people get stuck at home and it's that's what i think it's a really awful thing about it it's one

like it's so great that you're platforming that this story and that people got to know about it but we need to make space for people with disabilities because they're not a small number there's so many people and then as you say if we're not making this world like okay for people who aren't not just able-bodied people but disabled people as well then it creates the idea that they can't just do whatever they want to do in life which is a massive shame it is and i mean i don't want to get political about it but the government are really screwing people hard, the disabled people, like, horribly so.

And it's really shocking, and it is absolutely disgusting what they're doing. But it's things like access and needs change, and change fast. Because there's something that's called the purple pound, the money that disabled people have to spend that's being kept out of the economy. It's like billions.

And it's like, why don't they just think if they spend tens of millions sorting all this stuff out, give everyone the chance to live, get everyone the chance to get around, spend money in shops, get out, work, earn a living, and feel like they're part of society and contributing and but there's so many barriers

and holding thousands and thousands of people back. There's a girl that came to my book club yesterday and she has an autoimmune disease where sometimes her bones will be in like agonising pain so she has to be in a wheelchair in those times. She went to go shop in a shopping mall, it's open from 8am till 8pm and you go and get you can get a wheelchair you know in this but they only had that open from 11am till 3pm she's like so you're telling me as a disabled person I

can only be within the mall also who shops at those times like that they're the most antisocial hours and it's this assumption that people with a disability can just function in off-peak times or do things outside, which isn't fair and shouldn't be. No, not at all. No, I completely agree. So everyone... There always seems to be an excuse that people have, but it just boils down to people just not...

either not caring or to just lying about stuff. It's even things just like toilet access. There's so many stories about people go to bars and restaurants and they go to the disabled loo and the disabled loo is just full. The restaurant apart is used as a storage area. Yeah, I know, I've seen that. And it's like you can't,

like what you're doing just can't happen. Someone even said they're in a bar and restaurant recently and the disabled loo is just brilliantly fitted out great toilet but was completely inaccessible to anyone any disabled person it's like what is the point of having that

it's just because it ticks a box and people would lots of places will just do it to tick a box and say we've got it no one thinks about the practicalities no one and no one

they always do these things without kind of any involvement from a disabled person well this is the thing I think what we've done is society does this it's like dehumanise people with disability it's like we can't see

whereas I think this is why your book is so important is you're like a young guy and everyone can relate to you on another level apart from your disability like you're just and anyone else like anyone else and the fact that you're someone out there with a story doing really cool stuff inspiring younger people i think it's going to have a really positive impact on the way that people look and realize what a disabled person is because it's just anyone else. It could happen to anyone. Yeah. And I think a massive thing

that I want to do with this podcast as well is encourage people to start seeing outside of their sphere and whether that comes to, like, fighting against sexism, fighting against racism or fighting against ableism, all of those things are things that, as we grow up, we need to kind of chuck our privilege and, you know, platform. But are there any ways...

Are there any charities or is there anything that is a good thing to champion if people want to create more disabled access or more disabled voices in in spaces or um but there's a big one called it's called transport for all okay and it's it's a london-based um it's a london-based campaign page. I think they're a charity, I'm not entirely sure. But they news on everything that's going on in London. And they run loads of campaigns, and they're actually campaigning a lot all the time.

And they're brilliant. And they're the ones who have put up the tube map that I saw. Okay, cool. So that's where I get a lot of my information from. that I saw okay cool so I kind of that's where I get a lot of my information from and because I'm in London a lot

that's one I check I'm not entirely sure about others around the country yeah there's another there's a website called the

disability news service who cover everything about disability in this country and about the government's treatment and about

other people and it's they're kind of my source of kind of my oracle basically of of everything I need

to find out and share my views and That's so cool, I might get them off you and link them in the description box so people can look as well No that'd be cool because they're I mean I was kind of one of the people for Max and I

had no idea about disability until it happened. And I guess the more information we can give people, the more information you can share with everyone, it's going to benefit everyone as well. Yeah, and I think, again, it's just down to this capital moving. The more we see it, the more we realise it's a problem. But because we don't provide for it, how often do you see a disabled model or someone with a disability at the front of a campaign i think it's happening more and more yeah no there are lots of

there's lots of it happening which is great and it's but it's slow and it's just things like tv presenters yeah it's a big one and it bugs me and it's starting to change a bit now especially channel four very good at it but most other channels only use disabled people to present Mae'n dechrau newid ychydig nawr, yn enwedig gyda chanel 4, sydd yn dda iawn arno. Ond mae'r rhan fwyaf o'r canelyddau eraill yn defnyddio pobl ddisablau i gyflwyno sgwydau am ddisabiliad. Ond maen nhw hefyd yn defnyddio pobl â chyflwyno sgwydau am ddisabiliad. Ond, yn ystod ei fod yn ymwneud â ddisabiliad, os yw'n rhaglen cyffredinol, byddwch chi ddim yn gweld person ddisablau yn ei gilydd. Mae'r chanel 4 wedi'i newid gyda'r triwtiau ar y ffrindiau restaurant. Channel 4, I've changed it with the tricks of the restaurant trade. Sophie Morgan, she's in a wheelchair, she presents and she's very good. But we just need to give people the chances and show that it's just normal.

It's not special, it's not to be treated like, oh, I feel sorry for them. We're just normal people trying to live normal lives. 100%. I think the other problem with this is, like, when you're younger, you kind of get taught that you shouldn't look at someone if they have a disability. Do you remember being taught that? Like, don't look, kind of thing. And I think that's part of the problem, is that we think it's like...

Yeah, like you say, it's like special, it's like stigmatised. It shouldn't be like that. It should just be like, you're another guy and you happen to be in a wheelchair. Yeah. It's like... I don't know if you saw it, silent child no it was um i think it it was nominated maybe even won an oscar for best short film and it's by written by uh rachel

shenton actress okay i think she's in hollyhocks actually and it's about a death a deaf girl whose family... She plays... Rachel Jensen plays a social worker, comes in and tries to teach this girl sign language, and the family didn't want it. They thought the girl could survive off lip-reading. But it's... And the actual deaf girl in it is a young deaf girl. She's a new little advertiser. Oh, I think I've heard about it, but I haven't...

Yeah, carry on. And she's brilliant in it. And it's, people just think, oh, they'll be fine with this, they'll be fine with that. They don't try and put themselves in the person's shoes and their spot and how they feel and what they want to do.

And it's about this young girl which goes to school and the school worker is trying to build off lip reading. And this young girl which goes to school and the school were only trying to build it off lip reading. And this young girl is kind of just completely isolated because she's got no one to talk to. No one knows. The school haven't set the school up to help her at all

for sign language or anything. They bring up stats at the end and it's like 78% of the schools aren't... Equipped. Equipped for deaf children. And it's like, imagine being that child and you're just literally sat there not knowing anything that's going on, you're trying to lip read

but then you can't someone's talking next to you you have no idea what's going on and it's shocking at the end it's very moving actually at the very end but it's just things like that you just think these like you shouldn't have to fight for these things they should just be there and the problem is as

well because you won't i don't have people with disability in power as well so they're the ones that aren't that you don't have those voices or those people and i think all of the decisions about saving people's lives have been made by those who don't have a disability and it's like these things that just don't make sense sense and it's i mean it's the same with um gender sexuality race all those things they're all we're all under the same umbrella these things shouldn't it shouldn't be a thing it's 2018 like we need to get over it and just everyone seems to accept people are different, but we should all be treated equally. There shouldn't be...

Do you think having a disability, like now this happened, do you think you view the world, like, really differently in terms of, like, where you see injustice? Are you, like... Yeah. Yeah, I mean, going back to my ex-in-law girl, I mean, a very privileged life, our parents always taught us to kind of accept people for who they are, like, just because someone's disabled or anything

why should we treat them differently there's kind of just no need for it, it's strange that people do but now I'm in a position where I am kind of part of a group of people that are treated poorly and aren't given the same opportunities and then I've suddenly realised well I'm on a platform where I don't rhan o grŵp o bobl sydd yn cael eu trafod yn anodd ac yn cael cyfleoedd yn yr un fath.

Ac wedyn dwi'n sylweddoli, wel, rwyf wedi mynd ar ffurf, ac dwi'n defnyddio'r ffordd i hyfforddi pobl a chyflawni cynlluniau i helpu pobl. Ie. P'un a yw'r disabiliad, y gendyn, unrhyw beth, mae'r pethau yma'n rhaid i'w newid. Ie. Ar hyn o bryd yn y byd, mae pobl yn ymwneud â newid, ond mae cymaint o bobl sydd ddim. change. At the moment in this world people are willing to change but there's huge amounts of people that aren't and it's sad. People have got their way to stop people from doing things and I just don't understand it.

No, it's really difficult and it's hard. There's even things with invisible disabilities and stuff but they're bringing out badges I think now so you can get on the tube with it. It's a little blue badge isn't it? Mae'n debyg, mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n debyg. Mae'n don't understand especially kind of a lot of muscular diseases and people like the girl you met with the autoimmune yeah from the outside you wouldn't see it but then no idea but on the inside their bodies will be hurting their bodies will be struggling a lot of the time and people will just like well you don't have a disability i can't see it and just just never assume like someone lots of times there's stories of people who have a disability who've parked in a disabled bay and they've got out of the car and people have shouted

at them like why are you parking there and it's like just never assume if they've got a blue badge in the car then they deserve to park there no matter what no matter how they look, how they walk I just think we're almost not taught about enough. It's just the problem that the default person

is a healthy, fit, young, white man normally. You don't really see people of colour, you don't necessarily see people with disability. And I think, obviously, it's not your responsibility, I feel like now, Henry, you speak for all disabled people in the world. But it is amazing that you've done this. Because I guess as well, the other side of this could be that

I think what happens with a lot of people with disability is it is a really difficult thing. The world doesn't seem to be ready for them in that they can't get transport, they can't do certain things. And so they do feel like, actually, I've just got to hide now. Yeah, and lots of people do. They will just stay in their homes they will isolate themselves from people

and it's a shame you shouldn't have to live your life like that it's people it's not their disability holding them back it's other people it's the government it's businesses it is individuals at times

it's not themselves it's not a choice it's being, it's, it is individuals at times, and it's not themselves, it's not a choice, it's, it's being forced upon them, and it shouldn't, it just shouldn't be, shouldn't be happening. But going, I feel like, so we don't want to be talking about too much stuff, but like, on a more, like, positive side, you're obviously looking so much, like, because as you're reading the book, you're reading through a journey, and you, you face, I mean, I don't know how you did it, I really, I always try and imagine, like, if I was in that situation would I be able to do the things that you did like you say like coming off the ventilator challenging yourself and you do like sit-ups and stuff now and you look you look like fitter and stronger in yourself

yeah well I mean kind of being in the gym trying to get strong and as fit as possible has always always been something I love yeah yes it's kind of not the same strength I had not the same exercise I was doing but it's the exact same challenge just trying to push my body to get the most out of it as I possibly can and yes I've only got very few working muscles and those sit-ups spoke about that was an eight-year process to get to that point um it's been a long slog i mean the exercises started at the beginning was just kind of hundreds of reps of uh physio another physio or my mom or my brothers move my arms for me and then over time i just built it and built it and to anyone from the outside those things may not seem like progress but to me no matter how small

progress is it's still progress why not look at it in that way even if it's minimal but I always looked at it as it was progress I've improved I've done better I've done one more rep than last time I've done a few hundred grams more weight than last time and those those main things make a massive difference your mindset when you're trying to move on and progress. Yeah. And that's just how I looked at it. And I got the ventilator off record time, track it off to me, I got it in record time.

And those are the goals I set myself, and I wanted to prove to... Never in my life, I guess, I'd never proved anyone wrong, I'd never pushed things to that point. And then in hospital, I guess I'd never proved anyone wrong I'd never pushed things to that point and then in hospital I wanted to do

I wanted to do because I wanted to do things a lot of the time in hospital they just said everything they just spoke about

all the things I couldn't do and I wanted to show them I can do these things I want and in hospital a lot of staff

thought it was denial in my me because they thought I wasn't accepting my situation but I had I can do these things. And in hospital, a lot of staff thought it was denial in me because they thought I wasn't accepting my situation. But I had. I just wanted to try and please things. Was it your physio? Who was the lady that was amazing? Ruth.

Ruth. Yeah, she was awesome. She was incredible. And she's a massive part of my story. Yeah. She sounds great. So for context, she's a physio right or yeah and she basically would encourage henry to do lots of things at the hospital like oh no you can't do

them and she didn't care she'd like well she believed in you because you believed in yourself basically yeah and she didn't see me wanting to do more as denial she saw it as okay you want to try and do it and we'll do it she never but never did she want to kind of give me false hope in anything. She saw that I wanted to try things, and she'd be trying to get me to try new things as well. And our whole mindset was, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, we'll try something else. But if it doesn't work that one time, it doesn't mean it won't work later on,

so we'll revisit it later. And those things are just, those little tips that she was giving her then we're like okay we'll take those and try them with these every other exercise i've done we've always tried it and whether it didn't work we'll come back later and the other thing she was saying is in hospital it's very much it's almost like a list of things right by level of injury what you can and can't do and in hospital it'd be like okay if you can't do one and two you can't bydd yn ystod y list o bethau, gan lefel o ddiffyg, beth y gallwch chi a chanwch chi. Ac yn yr ysgol, byddwn yn dweud, os na allwch chi wneud un a ddwy, na allwch chi wneud tri a chwe. Felly byddwn yn mynd yn ôl ac yn parhau i geisio un a chwe ar ôl rhywbeth, pan fydd rhywbeth yn digwydd.

Ond, os na allwn ni geisio tri, neu chwe, neu chwe a chwe, neu pob un o'r pethau hynny. Mae'n wych. why not try all these things? It's amazing. All these, no one with, whether it's injuries, disability, no one across any form of disability really for life. It's very rare to find. Yeah, do you think that that comes, do you think a little bit that prejudice has seeped into the medical,

the way that the world looks at it? It's like kind of like, well, you've got a disability, so do you know what I mean? Or do you think that's... A lot of, no, I think a lot of stuff in hospitals and physios are kind of...

Their hands are tied a lot of the time by health and safety. Yeah. And about... I just think at times they don't want to kind of give patients that false hope. Yeah, it must be hard. But it's trying to get patients to understand that it's not false hope, it's's just trying to trying to get things done

trying to help you improve and a lot of time people don't want to do the physio either and that's their choice on don't procrastinate at all I just liked physical stuff so I wanted to do um and I could see long term it would benefit me and it has benefited me massively doing all those things early on and really pushing it But it was really lovely as well when you're reading it life affirming when you're reading the parallels between

you saying you've always played rugby with your brothers, you've always been really competitive and that you found in this thing, doing your physio and fighting that fight that suddenly it was like a little light and you're like, I'm going to do this. Yeah, and I guess it was, there's one of the things that I could really kind of grab onto and say,

all right, this is, the illnesses and stuff will happen. I can't stop that from happening. But if I'm in that physio room, I'm going to give it 100%. It's only, I'm only going to be there for an hour each day. Why not really push it? I can rest give it 100% it's only I'm only going to be there for an hour each day why not really push it I can rest at other times

it's fine but whilst I'm there I'm going to push it I'm going to do as many reps I can do all these things no matter how small it is

I'm going to give it my all I think like that's such an amazing like you saying before that when because I'm a bit like this and not so much anymore

but when I was doing 100% like that I thought if someone could do something better than me I was like well they can just do it because I don't want to like be rejected or fail and then you're saying now like I'm just going to do a thing honestly when I was reading I was writing notes on my phone I was like no you're doing this this week you're not doing that you're going to get that done and I know that it it's like shouldn't take you having an accident for me to have this realization but it is like so many people could take away from that and your story is just so overwhelmingly life-affirming.

So when I am moaning or anyone's moaning about certain things, it's, like, not like, what would Henry do? I mean, we could make that statement. But it is really amazing because other people don't... I don't think that... I don't know. I've just never seen a situation like this where I was so in awe of the way that you reacted to it like it is thank you fab I'm not trying to butt you up because I'm here yeah

I mean I'm a town of burps that's fine no it's why we um it's why we went for the title the little bit things yeah because it's part of one of the things in when I give talks it's one of the sections of the talk and when um publisher thought we use that as a title i thought kind of okay i'll go for it and then when i wrote the book it just seemed so perfect yeah everything whether it be i don't know whether it be when i'm working out and there's little progresses that make you feel good whether it's kind of i'm just saying to my family i'm thinking i'm sitting my family's fantastic right my friends and it's those little things that if you just think about them suddenly you're like oh these

are these great they are big things they are yeah they're not just little they make you feel good there's no point dwelling on there's no point dwelling on all kind of negative stuff it really just doesn't do anyone any good why not why not just find any positive you possibly can exactly it's and I never had a mindset before the accident and I guess it did take me the accident to realize these things and um so I kind of I don't begrudge people too much for thinking like that but it's I just want people to think more about those things because yeah I've been on both sides of it big time and I'm much further on this side yeah but it's true like I'd already in my life I had actually made an active decision to be less negative like as I

got older I remember you know it's been that quite negative about things and then that and then since reading your book again I do that and it does change your complete outlook on life and if you're in a place where your mental health allows you to make, because I know that some people, I guess, unfortunately, if your mental health doesn't allow you to, it can be a difficult thing to see the good in things. But if you are able to, it's amazing how much of a difference just that one small, instead of seeing what you don't have,

see what something gives you. Like you were saying, you need to see what is added to your life rather than what's been taken away. Yeah. And I mean,'ve had been in so much um because of the accident because of what's happened to me um so i'm kind of very grateful for that and grateful for everything i have got and everything i'm still able to do like why not if i've got it why not try and make the most of the things I'm able to do so everyone else just just if whatever you can do just do it yeah and see what happens if it doesn't work doesn't work but giving it a try and try something else you've learned from it yeah and I think overall as well especially the most important thing is clearly like

irrespective of your disability you're an incredible writer an incredible orator amazing painter and all those things are great and I think what you're doing in terms of helping people to understand a disability from such a great perspective and also just being open and honest enough some of the stuff you write in the book is so raw and real which is i'm sure is a massive task to kind of think actually i'm sharing this so i think a lot of people well if you haven't read the book you need to read it or i'll personally be annoyed um but yeah it's been amazing to talk to you no thank you having me on and henry's actually wearing a jumper it's one of your ones isn't it

it says it's a quote from the book every day oh yeah yeah um so yeah i think that's a good thing to to finish on um that's amazing thank you thank you fanduel casinos exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling We'll be right back. studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly