Adulting - Adulting 2.0: Shelley Syme

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

Hey Podulters! Welcome to Adulting 2.0: The Timelines.This week I’m talking to Shelley Syme. Shelley’s timeline completely shifted when at the age of 29 she found a lump under her armpit and was subsequently diagnosed with breast cancer, which had spread to her lymph nodes as well, which led her to make the brave decision to have a mastectomy. We connected online after Shelley wrote a gorgeous poem about her feelings towards her breasts on a post I did for Breast Cancer Awareness month. We talk about finding that life changing lump, reframing your mentality around your body, dating, not wanting children and her love of snooker. I hope you enjoy, and as always please do rate, review and subscribe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When a body is discovered 10 miles out to sea, it sparks a mind-blowing police investigation. He's one of the most wanted men in the world. This isn't really happening. Officers finding large sums of money. It's a tale of murder, skullduggery and international intrigue. So who really is he? I'm Sam Mullins and this is Sea of Lies from CBC's Uncover. Available now on CBC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts. about this week's episode because it is with the lovely Shelly Syme. I came across Shelly after she

commented this poem under a post that I did for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. She wrote, my boobs feel different to how they used to. Having a mastectomy at 29 isn't something I thought I'd go through. They used to be something I loved about myself. They felt perfectly imperfect like my wonky smile and mouth. They were small but perky and not a C but an A. It was easy to feel differences and I was lucky, some would say. But some days I don't feel lucky. I've been through trouble and strife. Not two boobs, but one.

They feel like a saved life. Afterwards, I started following her and her page and as she put it in a message to me, she just wants to live life to the full and spread awareness. So here we are. Shelley is very open and candid about her experiences and I'm really grateful to her for sharing so generously. I really hope you enjoyed the episode. As always, please do rate, review and subscribe. Happy listening.

Bye. Hello. Today I'm joined by Shelley Syme. Hello. Hi. How are you? Yeah, I'm good. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me me and Shelley have actually never met before but the way that we met online was I did an ad for Copperfield and

one of the things the parts of the campaign was for people to comment how they felt about their breasts and Shelley wrote underneath this amazing poem about having had a mastectomy at 29 so then obviously went to stalk her because I thought this poem was amazing and your Instagram was so inspiring and cool and I was like I just have to speak to you so I guess with that could you tell us a bit about you and about your journey and what happened with that because you're so young to have gone through something so traumatizing and huge yeah so basically I was diagnosed well I found a lump under my armpit when I was I think it was like August I just turned 29 and then I went to the doctors they sent me to the breast clinic and then they said oh everything's normal like don't worry

about it and the lump just got like bigger and bigger and bigger so I went back in May of the next year had an ultrasound and then went back to the breast clinic and then they did like I had like nine biopsies so in like three different areas and I was like okay this doesn't seem like it's nothing anymore and then I went back into the room and she basically was just like we can't say a hundred percent but like you need to like prepare yourself for the worst and I was like oh my god and just in that moment I was just a bit like okay but like you still have like a little bit of like hope she was like oh you know you don't know until the results come back so I was like okay great there's still a bit of hope that it's absolutely nothing even though like it was definitely something so

I went back like a week later and then they diagnosed me in yeah August so like almost a year later after I'd found the lump it was so yeah in August they diagnosed me with hormone positive breast cancer in my left breast and it was also in the lymph nodes as well so it was really quickly like straight away you need to have you need to have chemotherapy you need to have surgery you need to have radiotherapy you need to have hormone therapy and I had no idea about cancer or like the different types of cancer like I knew breast cancer was a thing but like I didn't know that there was like so many different types you could have and I was like oh you know maybe it'd be fine like maybe I'll just need a bit of surgery and like Bob's your uncle let's just carry on with life but then they just like named treatment after

treatment and I was like oh my god but um I was so calm in that moment it was so weird like my parents were with me and like they were both crying and I was just like so calm and like okay yeah it's fine everything's fine and then it was like the next day that it really hit me and I just like cried like non-stop it was yeah it was it was difficult difficult time I can't even imagine how you react in that situation and you know when you're saying like there's a bit of hope I always feel like it's flipped it's almost like when you know nothing's really wrong like rationally you kind of work yourself up into a panic and you're like oh my god I must be something awful and then weirdly I do think you get that thing where it kicks in and you're just when something terrible does happen you're suddenly like just very calm and

yeah but what point were you in your life so you're 29 were you working like what at what point did this happen to you and how did it materially change like what was the your immediate kind of life changes that happened straight after obviously you're having to have all these treatments so I was I was in a bit of a weird position because I just finished my master's and the pandemic had hit like halfway through my master's so that I'd like sort of changed my timeline anyway so I had to move back home with my parents and I was working I was working full-time but it was like a maternity cover so it was like a temporary job and then I was diagnosed in the August and I was supposed to finish my job in the September so basically I like carried on working for like that extra month because I in my mind I was like it's fine it'll be like a nice distraction but then I was having chemotherapy like whilst trying

to be at work as well and it was like really really overwhelming but like I managed to get through the month and then I just had to stop working for like an entire year basically my oncologist was like yeah we recommend that you just don't do anything basically and because I had this temporary job like it would have been like a little bit better if I'd have had like a permanent job because I would have had time off they would have paid me sick pay but because I literally had like nothing then because I had to just leave the job not get a new job so it was like a whole year of like doing absolutely nothing and then trying to like get your life like back on track yeah and how like statistically because to me 29 seems just so young

like is that unusual or is that it's super unusual so like you don't start having mammograms until I think you're 50 I think it's like less than four percent of people get it under 30 or under 40 or something like that so it's super super rare so that's why when I first found the lump they were the second time when I went back and they were like we didn't like catch it the first time because your age is such like a you know they didn't really factor in so like you're so young like it's probably nothing it's probably nothing so yeah it's super super rare and were you like were you checking I'm much better at doing it now ever since I've done that campaign but like were you checking was it just not really I think it was just like

I was laying in bed and I think I just had like a bit of a scratch so I like itched myself and I was like oh okay like this I don't think this is usually there but like you don't know because I wasn't I wasn't checking and like no one teaches you like how to check or what to do or how often you should be doing it that sort of information that you have to like look up yourself so I like found this lump and I was actually going into the doctors for a smear test and I just mentioned it to the nurse and I was like I've got this lump can you have a feel so she like felt it and um booked me an appointment with the doctor for the same day so that day it was like smear test like breast exam it's a real heavy day so yeah I wasn't really checking I was just like I just found it which

is really weird but like most people most cancers are like self-diagnosed anyway what and so what was that yeah like you got home and you cried and you found out and then how did that transpire like you're going through those treatments I just can't even imagine mentally like what that must be like and and it feels like a terrible question to ask but what was your prognosis like did they say to you yeah so I didn't really ask what my prognosis was but yeah they kept on saying stuff like do you want to freeze your eggs because you know in the future you might want to have kids and you know the chemotherapy makes you infertile but um I didn't want to have kids it was never in my like plan basically so I was like I don't want to have an unnecessary procedure like I'm just going to crack on and so in my so I was like I don't want to have an unnecessary procedure

like I'm just going to crack on and so in my mind I was like well that's enough for them to be like oh you know in the future if you want kids I was thinking oh they're talking about the future so like it's you know it's fine but afterwards I knew it was at least stage two because my lymph nodes were in involved I hadn't really looked much into it and it's difficult to diagnose further than that because cancer only shows up on scans if it's like a certain size so I hadn't really looked much into it and it's difficult to diagnose further than that because cancer only shows up on scans if it's like a certain size so I didn't know how many lymph nodes were infected or like how big the initial lump was because they don't tell you really unless you ask and I didn't ask but um you get like letters through the post and it said on

the letter that my lump was quite big I think I had two different lumps basically and I think a total size of like eight centimeters which is actually really big so it was stage three and grade three which is like the most aggressive type you can get and that's why everything happened like so quickly and like I googled which is like really not what you're supposed to do at all but like everybody googles when they get like illnesses the prognosis for like stage three cancer and it's like 75 like five year survival so like 75 of women will survive like past five years so like if you catch it straight away if you have like stage one it's like 98 if you have stage two it's like 90 so it goes down like quite quickly when you get to stage three but i didn't really know i was stage three until i had my surgery and they like removed the lymph nodes and it was like I think I had like five out of

like the 18 that they removed were involved so yeah stage three grade three 75% five-year survival but young people have like worse prognoses because it's usually more aggressive and because you usually catch it later because you're not really looking and you're not having scans or anything so it was quite a lot to deal with just sort of like it's such a weird thing like knowing that there's like a genuine chance that you could like die because of this it's like something that you never really get over I was gonna say how do you feel talking about it like do you feel okay talking about this yeah I have like good days and bad days like some days it like gets me really really emotional but some days it's fun fine and I think

because like it's been quite a long time now um well not a long time but it was a year last August since my first diagnosis so it's been like a year and a half now since I was first diagnosed at the beginning I hated talking about it I really didn't want to talk about it I think I like deleted social media like I didn't want to like look at anyone else's life but I've actually gotten quite good at like talking about it now because just because I think it's such an important topic and for people to you know become aware of I feel okay talking about it and I think because I've said it so many times as well like to different people that I meet and like you know everyone who wants to know the story I have to tell it over and over again so it's sort of become like a like a second nature now I guess you have more ownership over a bit once you've told it enough times it's

like you control the story rather than it being something so emotional yeah yeah 100% yeah what was that year like for you coping wise I mean obviously you're going through all of these treatments which I can't even imagine like how difficult they are physically but and mentally but sort of did you have therapy like what were your cope did you have like a strategy of sort of like mentally dealing with this as well as physically going through all of these things I didn't really have a strategy but like I did have therapy so the the NHS was so great they literally like they gave me they gave me extra so you get like therapy with someone calls you up and says like how are you doing and I'm on the

phone like going yeah I'm okay yeah I'm doing really well and then like all of a sudden you burst into tears and they're like yeah you're not doing well so they offered me like therapy via the NHS and it happened like really quickly actually they were really good and I had like 10 I originally had 10 sessions but then because my treatment went on longer than originally planned because I had to have three surgeries rather than one they gave me an extra two sessions I had like 12 sessions of therapy like CBT therapy through the NHS and then once that finished I left it for like a little while but then it sort of like progressively got like my mental health like just got worse and worse and worse like particularly like recently like when I've started when I finished treatment finishing for me was like the hardest part because you're expected to

just like drop back into normal life and you've had this like major thing that's happened to you and you've not been working for a year and this that and the next you've had all of these treatments then all of a sudden it's like okay like great that was your last session like bye like let us know if you have any problems and so like I've had to go back to private therapy now so like it's expensive but like I love therapy like I think it's so great like I'd really advocate the therapy and it's definitely helping me out a lot so I didn't really necessarily have a strategy I just had lots and lots of therapy which was yeah it was really great it's really nice to hear that it was like so supportive and so quick on the end yeah it really was like that and because when they called

me and I was like yeah no I'm fine like I'm doing really well and they like instantly knew like no you like you really should consider this therapy like we really think you should go to therapy so it was really nice of them not to just be like okay she said she's doing fine so like let's just leave it like they're really good at like being like you really need this support so obviously I know you mentioned this in your poem that you wrote to me and you just said you had like multiple surgeries but I know that one of them was a mastectomy yeah how like how does that change the way that you feel about yourself and your body and like did and was there there was no option in that that had to happen kind of thing? It had to happen.

So like my first surgery was like a lumpectomy where they basically just like remove the lump. And then the results came back and they didn't get clear margins. So they still found cancer and like they want to get like a millimeter at least of clear margins. And they didn't get that. So then they had to go back in and take a little bit more and they still didn't get clear margins. They were like, we can't just keep chipping away at it like we're gonna just have to remove the whole breast and I was like oh my god okay like this wasn't in the original plan but and it took me a while after the surgery to really like look at myself properly like the first

after I had my first surgery I was like I want to see I want to see what it looks like because it still looked like a normal boob and I was like this looks great like I'm actually really pleased with this like I just had a scar and then like when I had the mastectomy I was like no but it looks so good like this is so sad and yeah it took me a while after the mastectomy to like have a look at what it looked like I was like I don't even want to see it like I'm really scared and I don't know what I was expecting you can't really like it is one of those things that like you don't know how you're going to react until like it happens to you um I think my first thought was like oh it's not too bad like it's fine but like the more you sort of look in the mirror or like the more you wear clothes like during the summer I wanted to wear

like tight tops or like and you can't because like you're so I mean you can but like you're so lopsided like and a lot of the stuff I was wearing like it was so obvious so it's like really like put a bit of a like downer on my like self-esteem basically like I've got like low self-esteem now like I I really like I was quite body confident before like I actually really liked my boobs like I think they were a great size like they looked really good so now it's a bit like it was just such a shame for them to go and because I'm so young like I don't have a boyfriend so like dating is such a minefield because it's like when do you when do you bring it up like you know are they gonna be like weird about it am I gonna be weird about it because it's such like it's one thing for me to like look and like touch my chest it's another for like someone else to be doing it as well so like it really like hinders

like the way you look at dating and stuff like that like my body is just so completely different now like I don't know how I would feel if someone else were to look at it like nobody else has seen it apart from me and like the doctors obviously but like no like friends or like family. Like I keep myself like quite covered up. I wear like baggy clothes a lot more often now as well. And like I do have like prosthetic boobs but like I really hate wearing bras. Yeah. I never wore bras before.

Like I just hate them. So it's it's just really changed the way I like look at myself and the way I look towards like the future as well of like dating and stuff yeah that's I feel like that's a really honest answer because I think like a lot of the time and it's really positive people talk about things and we kind of talk about it and we re-narrativize it to be like it's our strength and you know yeah but it can take a really long time to become proud of scars or like yeah things that make you feel really different and I think it's really it makes me really sad because I'm like oh I hate that you feel that way but I think like god I can't imagine it just must feel so strange like yeah literally

and physically you were talking about love then and I think that's like a really interesting part of because I kind of wanted to ask you like coming out of the other side of this I guess if you feel like do you feel like you're out the other side in a way or you're still so deeply in there sort of like it's a bit weird because like all my treatments finished so like I am out the other side in a way but like I'm on still on like so much medication like the journey is still ongoing but like in terms of active treatment like yeah definitely like I am out the other side and what I mean it's it's going to be with you forever in so many different ways but does it make you view life differently does it make you has it made you look at things in a better or worse way and like do you feel more

scared or more free I can't imagine what the maths change I think I do feel like a little bit more free I mean I definitely worry less about like the little things like you know spending money on something I'm a bit like yeah for example I just went to the snooker last weekend because I really love snooker I really love it and like before I would have been like oh no like those tickets are way too expensive but now I'm like no yeah I'm gonna buy tickets to the masters and see the snooker like I actually like I'm more inclined to like do fun stuff that costs money because I'm a bit like life is short like it's so cliche to say but like life is short and you're like when something happens like that it's like I just want to experience everything that I can experience

so I do feel definitely more free in terms of like stuff that I want to do and stuff that I like maybe wouldn't have done before because you've just got to like enjoy life like whilst you can because you really have no idea like what's going to come around the corner I want to ask you about snooker yeah how did you get into snooker I don't know anyone that likes snooker sorry I actually think it's quite cool now I kind of want to be honestly it's so tense like you literally you watch it and you're like oh my god it seems like such a boring thing to watch and like a lot of people do think it's boring but like I've got my whole family into it because it was the masters last week and I was like it's been on my tv like non-stop where did you what made you get into it so basically I was um when I was at uni in Bristol I lived in a house

with three guys and it was just on tv one night and like they were watching it and I think it must have been like during lockdown because they were like oh you know there's nothing else on and I was like oh fine like we'll watch a snooker whatever and they were like teaching me all of the rules and like telling me what was going on and I was just like really really getting into it and then when I left uni like every time the snooker was on I would just put it on the tv and I was just like absolutely loving it and I like messaged my friends being like keep watching the snooker and they'd be like no like they just weren't as into it and like I was just super super invested in the snooker? And they'd be like, no. Like they just weren't as into it. And like, I was just super, super invested in the snooker.

So you went last weekend. Was it amazing? It was honestly so good. I went to Ali Pali to watch the Masters. Judd Trump, who's my absolute favorite. I nodded like I knew that was then and then I was like, I didn't know that. Yeah, he's my favorite.

And he was in the semifinal. He actually won the whole thing. It was honestly such a great day. I was like a little kid at Christmas I wish I don't have any sport that I like and I actually I'm like I'm gonna have to learn to watch sport because I think it's a really important thing you should watch the snow car um sorry for that diversion I guess I want to go Matt's like coming out the side and relationships and all of those types of things what does it make you you're saying like a life is short and you want to do the experience but it does it also make you change like how you view the people that come into your life was it made you like what going forward like is are you

thinking about love is that something you want to pursue yeah definitely I mean I've never been one for like I'm not like a traditional person like I would like to get married eventually but I'm not like uh I want to get married and you know buy a house and have kids and like obviously eventually I would like to you know move out um I'm 30 years old and I still live with my parents so I think that's okay I think it's I think it's fine it's just not what society tells you it's fine but yeah I definitely want to look for love but like it's so difficult because like I don't go out that much so basically I'm on hinge and um I mean I'm on hinge and I deleted hinge now I'm back on hinge but the first time I was on hinge I put like on my profile um one of my prompts was like oh one thing that you should know about me is like I only have one boob because I was like when do you put something like that out there like when does it come up in conversation because

like you could be chatting it's like what we've been doing the past year and it's like oh well actually like I had cancer and then I had a mastectomy and it's like an accident it's a bit like whoa okay like catches them off guard so and also like I don't want that to be like a discussion that I have like first date you know I mean so like I'd rather just get it out in the open and like call people who that's a problem for I think that's a great way to do it yeah it's really funny as well so like you'd get like funny responses and you'd some people would be like a bit weird about it and I'd be like okay absolutely not some people were like oh yeah I really want to see it and I was like you know like yeah but most guys actually are really nice about it but it's one thing like saying by the way I've only got one boob and another thing like

having like an intimate relationship with someone where like they're gonna see what it looks like and I just don't know if I'm like quite there yet so like I would love to get into relationship and you know I wanna I I want to have like a boyfriend and I want to be in love but like it's such a like transition for me at the moment and it's just about finding like the right guy who's gonna like accept that like I'm gonna have to take things like a lot slower than maybe I would have done in the past like it's gonna have to be like such a gradual thing for me at the moment because I'm just not quite ready to like put it out there into the world just yet it's it's difficult and like it's

one thing showing it in like on my Instagram I know I have like shown like my mastectomy and stuff but it's so different doing that and like just pressing like send on like share on Instagram to like actually having someone in real life like look at your body and it just pressing like send on like share on instagram to like actually having someone in real life like look at your body and it just like honestly just like terrifies me at the moment no i was gonna say your instagram is absolutely beautiful but i completely agree i post videos made my under all the time if you two came in and i was a man where i'd be like terrified it's so weird it's like oh it's only 100 000 people are gonna see it but then us in private it is weird but i I would hope that most

people would understand but I completely understand why for you it must be almost like you've in a way it must have felt like you're losing control of your body because this thing is happening and then it's like getting to know yourself again it must completely has it obviously you're saying it's made you more self-conscious in sort of like a physical way but has it has it given you like I guess not respect for your body but made you has it made you less insecure in other ways you know where sometimes we focus so much on our bodies that we kind of it becomes our identities it kind of made you feel like I'm more than that it has yeah because when your body goes through such a major change you are sort of like grateful for it in a way and it's like my body like

can do so much and like it's you know the whole treatment and how it how I like handled it and how my body handled it like it is like absolutely crazy so like you do sort of think like I am so much more than what I look like and what my body is like but there is the other side of it where it's like what you look like is such a major part of life and like with like social media and stuff like it just highlights the fact that like now my body is like so different to everybody else who's like my age so it's like it is like a bit of both like some days I'm like this is great like my body is so great and other days I'm like I really wish that my body was like normal I

just want to like look like the people that I like look at every day would you like think about reconstructive stuff or is that not something yes I it's weird because like when they first told me about mastectomy I said like well what about reconstruction because you can have reconstruction like immediately after mastectomy but they basically were just like no we want you to like heal as quickly as you can and because I do have quite like a high risk of the cancer returning it's harder to like feel for changes if you've had like reconstruction so it would be an option for me in like a few years time maybe like five years time or you know once the oncologist sort of gives me the all clear and says like you know you can go for this if you want to but I just don't know how I would feel about it at that point because like you know in a body

yeah in a way like I'm really getting used to just having one boob and like it's quite like an identifying thing like this is my identity now like I've had a mastectomy like this is my body like like it or lump it sort of thing and do I really want to put my body through more surgery that isn't necessary because like if I have reconstruction that's still not gonna look the same like it won't you know it won't feel like a regular boob and like I won't have a nipple like so it will still be like completely different and like do I want to go through having to like transition into loving that new body when I've spent so long trying to love like the body that I have at the moment so it's like a really difficult decision like which I didn't think it would be like I really

thought like I definitely want reconstruction because I don't want to be lopsided like I want to have two boobs but now I'm like actually I don't know that I do like it's such a weird decision to have to make and it's obviously it's your body and what you've been through like I just can't it's it's would be remiss of me to comment but like the pictures when you post them on instagram are just beautiful do you know what I mean and it's just like it is so it's so easy to say that as someone that isn't you and I can imagine that going through it it you it will maybe will take a while but I'm sure they'll come to a point when you will feel comfortable and we were speaking about this bit before because we were talking about your tattoos

they love them and you're saying how you can't get tattoos yeah on your left arm now and I know and we'll talk about why but I know that you can get I've seen it's amazing people do like nipple tattoos don't they but could you not have that as well because of the I think I probably could because other people have had them so it's not like I'm the first person so yeah I think the the nipple tattoos look incredible like so talented the people that do that so if I had reconstruction like I probably would get one of those tattoos just because they look so good and so realistic but I'd have to check with my oncologist because I don't I don't know I mean I have to probably would get one of those tattoos just because they look so good and so realistic but I'd have to check with my oncologist because I don't I don't know I mean I have to leave my left

side but like the left chest because of the I mean I'll explain why I can't have it on my left side so like basically I had my lymph nodes removed all of my lymph nodes in my left armpit removed which means I'm at risk of this thing called lymphedema which is where like if you the the whole left arm will like swell up and it's incurable as well so like it will never like go down to like its normal size and that's like a big thing that like you obviously just don't want to happen it can be really like debilitating so I can't have anything I can't you know can't injure my left side I have to be like super super careful with what I do with my left side now but I think there are like other lymph nodes in your chest that go up to like your neck and stuff so it just depends on like where the lymph nodes are and whether like that would be an option for me but I feel like it would be

because I've seen them like so many people get them so like I don't see I don't see why not I'm like obsessed with watching the videos and being done because they are like incredible I can't believe so the people that do them are so talented. I don't understand how they do it. When a body is discovered 10 miles out to sea, it sparks a mind-blowing police investigation. He's one of the most wanted men in the world. This isn't really happening. Officers finding large sums of money. It's a

tale of murder, skullduggery and international intrigue. So who really is he? I'm Sam Mullins and this is Sea of Lies from CBC's Uncover. Available now on CBC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts. So you said briefly before when they were talking about like freezing your eggs that you you never necessarily wanted to have children anyway what's your like timelines imagine what actually i'm just interested in what we were talking about children briefly before and i've i said this oh i don't think it's on the podcast but i was saying how i i never when i was younger realized that there was an option not to yeah because you just think as like a cis woman that's like what's gonna happen and then when I realized that I didn't I

then was like oh my god do I want them and I'm still a bit like it might not happen but it might but I'm not like that 100% sure but you are like you don't want them I'm I've been sure for like quite a long time but I mean obviously when I was little like I was like you like you know I'm gonna grow up and I'm gonna have kids and this is what their name's gonna be like picked out the names and stuff because like as like a young girl you are like taught that you know you go through life then you have you get married and you have kids and that is just sort of your life is like planned out for you then you get older and you realize actually like no like that you know I have choices and I don't know what it was that I decided but like I've never really been very maternal both my sisters have kids so I have four nieces and a nephew so it's

for me like that's enough and like I love my nieces my nephew and but I just love like giving them back as well and I've just never been maternal that's just never really been in my life plan and I don't really know why or there was never like a pivotal moment where I decided like I definitely don't want kids yeah but yeah I definitely don't want kids um I just enjoy like being independent and like in like a selfish way I guess like having a kid like really really changes your life and I like you know not not that I do a lot now but like I like the fact that I can be like spontaneous and do things that like other people can't do that do have kids so yeah kids have never really been in my plan but it is

different when like the choice like is no longer your own because like now with the chemotherapy and stuff it can make you infertile so being like having the choice and saying like I don't want kids is so different to them being told like oh actually like you might not be able to and you're a bit like oh but well did I want them like you sort of like question it but like I definitely I definitely didn't want kids but it is such a weird feeling to be told like you can't have kids yeah and it did and did that moment it for a split second were you like oh shit I need to yeah yeah definitely because like even though like I knew in my mind that I didn't want to have kids like it is such

a weird like moment of oh my god like this decision is no longer my own like was I was I sure I didn't want kids like and it's annoying because I used to get so so annoyed at people who would be like oh are you sure though like you're so young like you'll change your mind and I'd be like so angry at people like I'm not gonna change my mind like I'm not that young like I don't want kids like why is it that like I have to have kids and I'd get so frustrated but then when they told me like you probably won't be able to have kids I was a bit like well was I sure and I was annoyed at myself it's so weird that people go like are you sure when not having children is the like easier option yeah in so many ways like having children

like you said is ultimately so life-changing it's so difficult it'll turn your world upside down so it's so strange that we're like no you have to do it because surely that shouldn't be something that we're like encouraging people when they're not when they don't like want to have kids also I've started romanticizing so much this idea of being like the really rich auntie who's really fun yeah who like takes the kids on really amazing weekends and even though I do like the idea of having children I also then I'm like oh my god it actually be amazing to be like in your 50s childless with a partner and just like traveling and like going out for amazing dinners and I'm like I've really started to see where they're like there's so much joy and fun and amazingness to be had from being childless yeah rather than everyone like kind of saying it's just like oh she hasn't had

kids you know I mean it's so weird and also I've kind of gone the other way where I think about that so much I listen to way too many parenting podcasts that have made me stressed and I'm like I can't do this it sounds too because I think everyone's gone to start to be really honest about parenting haven't they yes but like so honest that I'm like well this sounds like this sounds like why would anyone do it um what's your so you were telling me about your work a bit before so you work and you do like copyright and stuff for an invite can you explain it again because I'm going to butcher it yeah so I do like um I'm a creative comms officer for a company that works with like sustainable fisheries marine conservation charities and I do like a lot of copywriting

for them I do like a lot of social media for them some like design stuff as well so like it's it's a really like varied role it's like quite creative it's really great and has has your experience that has it changed kind of like what you seek from work or like how you view work and I can imagine like having having that time off going through such a life-changing like devastating experience does it make you think actually this is something that I need from my work or were you really excited to go back and have a sense of normalcy yeah so like I mean beforehand before the whole cancer thing I really envisioned myself like because I did um wildlife health and conservation at university um and I really envisioned myself

doing like marine conservation um because my master's was supposed to be I was supposed to go to Australia and work with sharks in Australia and it's gonna be amazing but the pandemic hit and I couldn't go to Australia so that like proper threw me off course and then obviously like having cancer and having all this treatment and go having like ongoing treatment as well means I can't really do that anymore I can't really go abroad I can't live abroad like so working in the field was a bit it completely changed like what I could do for work really and what I have the energy for as well because like I get really like lethargic and really tired really quickly so I had to like change my like completely change what I wanted from work but I always knew that I wanted to work in like conservation or sustainability or like

something like that so like when this job came up it was really like I sort of like jumped at the chance and I was really really excited to get back to like a bit of a bit of normality like have a routine again and I like just couldn't wait to do it but then like so I was working like full-time 9 to 5 30 Monday to Friday but then I like couldn't keep up with it basically it's so weird like coming from like you think are so excited to get back to normality and be like okay treatment's over like this is so great I'm gonna get a job and I'm gonna move out and everything's gonna be amazing and like but having like a normal life isn't like my reality anymore so it was really difficult like the transition from like recovering from treatment then going into a full-time position and I was

getting really tired and like my work was like really struggling so I had to like talk to my boss and be like look I can't I can't like I've recognized that like I'm really struggling with work at the moment so like luckily they let me go part-time which was like super nice of them because it was just like yeah it's such a strange thing to just be so excited about like going back to normality and then all of a sudden you're like you hit like this brick wall and it's like oh wow like normal doesn't really exist for me anymore so what are your ongoing treatments and like is the reason you can't travel abroad because you need to be like accessible to your hospital and stuff or is it because it's too fatiguing or what's the so my basically I have I'm on quite a lot of medications

I'm on like chemotherapy tablets at the moment and I'm on like hormone treatments so basically I'm in the menopause so they cut off all of your estrogen because my cancer was like hormone positive estrogen positive so you like cut off like your estrogen supply to like your whole body to like stop the cancer from like feeding on the estrogen like growing back so I have to have like an injection every three months that like puts me into the menopause and stops my estrogen and I'm also on like all these different tablets that do like different things like I'm on chemotherapy tablets I have to have like blood tests like every so often like every month or every three months now I have to have blood tests

just to check that like everything's okay and also like going abroad is like really difficult in terms of like insurance like if I wanted to go for like or if I wanted to live abroad if I wanted to go for like a really long period of time it'd be so expensive in terms of like insurance like if I wanted to go for like or if I wanted to live abroad if I wanted to go for like a really long period of time it'd be so expensive in terms of insurance because I have to declare that I have cancer and like if I need treatment whilst I'm there it'll be so expensive so it's just there's just a lot of things that are like yeah a lot of barriers that are like in the way and how like god I can't even like you're so like positive and amazing it's like it's just mind-blowing i feel really naive because i don't really understand like you i kind of think breast cancer you either like you have it or you don't and when you have it it's either kind of

fixed or it's not but it's so much more complicated than that and like what does the how do the chemotherapy tablets they're obviously not as aggressive as when you go into the hospital and have it but no it must still really impact your day-to-day life yeah so the worst thing for me is like the tiredness like i just get so tired so quickly that's probably like the worst side effect like they're so mild compared to like actual chemotherapy because obviously i lost all of my hair during chemotherapy and you don't lose your hair on these because that was the first question i was like am i gonna lose my hair again because like I really don't want to so you don't lose your hair it's just like tiredness and like sickness I'm on like anti-sickness tablets as

well to go with the chemotherapy tablets and it causes well sometimes it causes like diarrhea like I don't know whether I'm coming or going sometimes like either like half the medication I'm on makes me constipated half the medication makes me have diarrhea and it's like oh my god like just give me a break that is terrible we haven't even talked about like hair loss as well I mean that's must have been how how did you find that like that's I feel like such a big that was like the first thing I think that made me cry was when the oncologist was like you're gonna lose your hair but then she was like oh but it doesn't it doesn't matter because you have such a lovely face that is true you've got a really good face thank you but you don't know like I was like am I gonna like

get rid of my hair I'm gonna have like such a weird shaped head like you just don't know until you get rid of your hair like what you're gonna look like and like luckily like you know not blowing my own trumpet or anything but like I actually think I looked like fairly good with like no hair but I like shaved my hair off because I was like I don't want chemotherapy to like take my hair so it was just like one weekend I think I'd had like one session of chemotherapy and I was like right like this is it like this is the weekend like we're gonna do it and like I was actually fine it was about my mum because I made my mum do it and like I didn't really think like what it was going to be like for her but like she got really upset and she's like I don't know if I

want to do it and I was like mum you have to do it like I need to get rid of my hair so like I like shaved my head before like chemotherapy like took my hair because I was like I didn't want it yeah I didn't want to like wake up in the morning and I have like clumps of hair on like my pillow or like in the shower like comes out in clumps and it's like no I just don't want that to happen but it that for me was like that was like the pivotal moment because before that you could sort of pretend that like I don't have cancer like I'm not ill it's fine as soon as you lose your hair it's like I look ill now like I look like I have cancer so like that was like a weird thing for me you do look look a bit like Iris Law, who I'm obsessed with. Do you follow her?

No, who's that? Oh my God. Jude Law and Sadie Frost. She's a model. She's unreal. And she's cut her hair like really, she's about your length now, but she did a really short pixie cut

and you have like similar bone structure. Oh great. And also you just, I'm loving the blonde. You've just done that, haven't you? I have. Yeah, it was like dark before, but I was blonde before chemotherapy

and then it came back like really dark interesting really curly as well um because I used to have like quite straight like blonde hair it's so much darker now and so much more curly so then I was like look I'm just you know blondes have more fun yeah I love this so I just went and got it dyed what so you mentioned I haven't really even asked about your family but like what how was that like being with them I mean it it's like it must be I can't even imagine for my maybe it's not even like a nice question to ask but it just that must have been wild yeah I mean they were obviously like beside themselves and it was it was such a horrible moment like what like watching them like for me watching them like get really upset was just

really horrible and because but I was like so blessed really that I was living with them because I don't think I would have been able to do it by myself like they took me to like my hospital appointments they like waited around for me like for like all these scans and all my treatments they like cooked me dinners like they literally did everything for me so like it was so good that I was at home but it was really difficult to watch them because it's not just like me obviously I'm the one that's physically going through it but like it's not just me that it impacted you know I mean so it's really difficult to like watch people that you love like having to go through this with you like it's such a weird like feeling I can't even imagine does it does

it make you feel weirdly like younger in a funny way you You know, as you got older, especially I feel this, but like when you're coming towards 30, you can get this really weird sense of like, oh my God, like I'm turning into this different kind of woman and people of the world are going to see me differently. Did it make you at all feel like, no, actually I've got so much to give and so much life to live

and like make you feel younger in a funny way? If that's a really stupid question. No, that's a really dumb question um I don't know if it made me feel younger because I feel like such an old woman at the moment because like I'm going through the menopause and stuff I do feel like super old rather than like feeling like a really young like 30 because 30 is really young but I never really viewed 30 as like young maybe it has made me feel younger actually because I never really viewed 30 as being young until I like turned 30 and then this happened and I was like actually like I am still so young that's what I mean I think we're taught

that like our lives end as a woman it's like go stay inside now because you're 30 do you know I mean and then I guess it because it it does make you view life so like like you said it's so quick that 30 is like the beginning of the journey really it actually massively is yeah and like now i've gone i feel like now i've gone through this at 29 it's a bit like what else can you really throw at me now so like 30 it does feel like my life is like beginning again what what is it like going through the menopause it's horrific so i feel like every question i ask you i actually feel like bad asking because i just know it's fine so like stressful and you're just like so brilliant and so if that's anything i'm asking you're just like actually piss off i don't want to answer that

just tell me but it is like i i think it's really interesting and that i had no idea the like lengths that and like you say i think if it was like a six-year-old woman this was happening to if they got like the menopause was enforced upon them you kind of it wouldn't feel as jarring because you'd be like oh well that's like sped that up a bit but for you obviously this wouldn't have been yeah like for most people that get breast cancer obviously like they're old enough that they already have gone through the menopause so they don't have to have like the same sort of like treatment or like you know side effects that i have to have at like going through the menopause at the age of 29 is like just absolutely crazy because and it's not just about like you know

you think of menopause you think of like hot flashes and I could get a lot of those don't get me wrong like they're horrible especially during the winter and I feel bad for my parents as well because I'm there like having such a hot flush and it's like I have to open the window and everyone else is there like freezing cold but yeah it's not just that it's like you know it's the hot flashes it's the fatigue like it's everything else that comes with the menopause that you don't ever really get taught about and it's like the achy bones like the achy joints like not being able to do like the same sort of exercise that like you would as a normal 30 year old so it's just like it's it's just a really horrible thing to go through and like you feel you know you feel faint you feel sick like sometimes like it'll just be like a random time of the day and you're like

oh my god like i've got to sit down like i've got to i've got to have this glass of water i've got to take off every single layer of my clothing like it's just like it really impacts like your day-to-day life i could imagine i guess it's kind of like having an invisible disability being on all of these like how do you think the world is set up for that because I often I guess as it may as it makes you realize like how it's so much more difficult to move through the world if you aren't completely able-bodied and have you noticed that there's loads of barriers or has it been quite smooth sailing on that front or not really it's for me it's because I am I am still able-bodied you know I mean yeah it's not really like change anything in that respect it's just for me it's like just the the fatigue and you know I have to I can't really like drive like

super long distances anymore because I get so so so tired and I didn't really think about that before so it's not impacted me that much in terms of like being able-bodied I can still do like everything I could do before it's just the tiredness and like having to have naps during the day and like you know having to go part-time at work I didn't really think that was going to affect me as it did but like obviously luckily like my work were like so so good about it I can imagine like if I was in a different job that wouldn't have been the case and then that like that would have completely like thrown me another like barrier in terms of like having to get through life because I wouldn't have I don't think I would have been able to cope with full-time work so like

it has changed my perception definitely because it is so much harder to like just do your everyday things yeah does it make it like I guess I think that sometimes that we're so we do so many things and I always like to think back I'm like what were humans doing before we invented capitalism you know I mean just chilling out and it must it must like once you've had that break and you come back and obviously you do like you are feeling tired in that way does it make you realize like how kind of wild it is like how much we're stuffing our days with things yeah definitely yeah it's literally like we we do so much during the day that it is and it is crazy like work can be like so full-on and then like you're expected to like after work it's like i'll go out to the pub and like i'll drink and i'll like see my friends and then it's a bit like i it hits i finished work at

three now and it hit three o'clock and i'm like right i need to go and have a nap like i saw someone tweet and they were like guys how are you doing life how are you having like relationships friendships work social life hobbies going to the gym cooking for yourself cleaning again and I I do think as well I actually have quite an amazingly flexible job where I've got so much freedom I cannot keep on top of keeping this flat dust free for the hell it's so crazy like I don't know how we're expected to do all those things but like you get up at like 6am and go to the gym and like sometimes I look at your stories I'm like how on earth is she at the gym and it's like 6am no I actually I never go at six because it's so busy what I actually do it takes me so long to wake up as I wake up at

six I have a coffee in bed for like half an hour my brain like very slowly switches on and then I do a bit of work but I normally go like eight or nine because if you go at six that's when like everyone's in the gym yeah so i go later but i do i do like waking up early because i feel like i like you know it's i swear i've already achieved but when it feels like everyone else is really quiet i can really focus so between like seven and six and eight i quite like like drafting emails or doing things because it's like the world is asleep but the minute it's like actual work time my brain is like let's run around let's not do any work it's so bad and

then again i'll start concentrating like if i've got a really big piece of work at like 10 p.m my brain's like let's do it now as i was falling asleep last night i've got a comedy gig tomorrow my brain will be like let's write the sound up right now 11 30 and i'm like no go to bed go to bed and it's like go and i'm like oh my god it's really not so i just try and but that's the thing i'm so lucky i can like be really flexible yeah it's like if you're in a normal job you just don't have that like availability to do that kind of thing so i'm really lucky is there anything else that we haven't like discussed about the your because i feel like there's so many questions i don't even know to ask about

having been through what you've been through in the way that it's impacted your timelines i don't know really like i mean it definitely has impacted like my entire timeline like I obviously was going to move because my job's based in Bristol and I was going to move to Bristol and I was like super excited to move out and then like obviously now I've had to go part-time like I can't move out anymore but like it's just so it is just crazy like the societal pressure of having to be like you know you're 30 years old like you should you should move out like you should have a boyfriend you should be getting married like you should be having children and it's like that just isn't real life and like that's just like a lot of

people's you know not real life like and I think like it's it's just like drilled into you and I think it takes something like this to happen like this like major change in my life where it's like okay actually like no like I don't need to have all of these things figured out by this point because you actually have no idea what's gonna happen so like it's really just it's just it's been a crazy journey yeah so crazy yeah and I also think rushing to try and get everything done by 30 do you ever look back and I think god I was an actual baby at 25 like if I if I was making decisions for my like now self back then even if it was like who's going to be the right partner whatever it's it just seems like we don't know enough I feel like we the parameters are too small for like the times

I don't know that's why I'm in this whole series because I'm just like it doesn't make any sense it doesn't make sense and like I think because both my sisters they've both they both got married they both have houses they both have children and like my eldest sister she got married I think she was 21 when she got married and I remember I'm six years younger than her so I was like 15 and I remember thinking oh my god she's so old like I can't wait until I'm 21 and I can get married then I hit 21 and I was like at uni and I was like oh my god like how did she do it like I'm such a child I was going out like going out like every night like getting home at like 3am and like going to lectures in like my pajamas and she was like getting married

at 21 and I was like no like it's so crazy so like yeah like it is mad how different people do it at different times but like I really felt like when I, when you're younger, you think like 30 is so old and then you hit 30 and you're like, I'm still so young. Like there is actually so much like life ahead. So like, you just don't need to rush into these things.

Like, and I almost feel like you have the sense you've got to like dampen out all the fun and silliness in you when you get to that age. Cause you suddenly got to be, and it's like, no, that's, that's what life is. It's like being yourself. but that's so interesting about your

sister because i always think about the other side there are people i had friends who had children when they were like 23 and they're like the most amazing moms yeah it suits them perfectly and they're so fine whereas i'm like i can't have a baby now because i am a baby like it's funny how some people are just really like suited to certain parts yeah and like how weird and one of my friends she got married and she was like i was saying to her i'd just broken up my ex and i was like i just think i want a career like i think i might if i have kids gonna have them like my late 30s whatever and she was like you're really lucky because now it's actually fine to say that you could say that

to anyone she's like when i turn around i'm like i'm getting married i'm in my like mid to late 20s and i want to have a baby next year people are like oh that's young and I was like god she's right actually because I do think in the last couple of years we've kind of flipped it a bit and then people also get stressed about that because some people are ready way sooner yeah I agree it's weird but it's weird that they flipped it like that and like or 29 like oh you're young to be having children but then when you hit 35 like you're considered like a geriatric mother I think it's a really small window such a small window it's like I'm too young but now I'm too old like oh my god I'm like what am I supposed to do I know and also it's like the length when you see these people that had like five kids and you actually do the math you're like oh my god you were pregnant for

five years so much work I don't know so have you got like do you do you think sorry this is my last question again this might be a bit of a annoying one how does it make you think about looking ahead like has it made you more present in the moment or do you yeah you're just like living in the now I'm definitely more present in the moment and I like to like be a bit more like spontaneous and like take myself on like you know I was literally thinking like oh I really wanted to Paris and it's like I'll just take myself to Paris for the weekend like that'll be fine whereas like I wouldn't have ever thought of doing that before so I definitely live more in the now because like I'd like for myself like I mean it's morbid to say but like I don't know how much time I have left like I don't know if the cancer is going to come back like obviously hopefully

it's not like hopefully I've done enough and you know hopefully it stays at bay but like you just don't know so like you do have to like live in the now and you do have to like be a bit silly and you have to like just enjoy life as much as you can you know see your friends like go out like I'm saying like like this like I go out all the time like I don't really but like I definitely do like live more in the now like it's such a like you and it's not like you have to do that you know I mean for me personally like I definitely do like live more in the now like it's such a like you and it's not like you have to do that I mean for me personally like I feel like I do sort of have to do it because I don't know what's coming it's just yeah and I it's it's better for me to live in the now because I think too far ahead I'm I then go into the stress of like well is you know am I going to be here

that far into the future like is that going to be a thing so I like do have to like think to myself like I have to think more in the now and like enjoy life like as it is now because yeah I don't I don't know where I'm going to be in like five ten years time like I could be back in the hospital like touch wood I am still going to be here but like you know there is a real chance that like I might not be here so like you have to you really do have to like live in the moment I think that's incredible though and I think it's like a better way to be for everyone yeah I'm so grateful to you for coming here and talking to me like you've been so having me on but you're so kind and lovely and I feel really a bit invasive asking all of these questions no it's such an important thing to like talk about and like you know people

young people do need to be aware because you don't really get taught about this stuff in school. And, you know, it's not very common, but like, it can happen. Like I am proof that it happens. So yeah. Well, people can obviously follow you on Instagram, which is Shelly J Syme, which we'll put in the show notes. And is there anything else that you'd want to like point people towards or anything that you wanted to share? I mean, the main one that I would point people towards is Copperfield like they do so much I mean you did the ad for them didn't you so like they do so much for like young people How to Glitter Retired as well like she's the um the founder of Copperfield is that her Instagram yeah it's called How to Glitter Retired she's she's just so inspirational so she got diagnosed I mean I don't really know her story but I think she was like 25 or in her really early

20s she was diagnosed with stage four so it's but I think she was like 25 or in her really early 20s. She was diagnosed with stage four. It's incurable. But she's like 13 or so years later, still living, still like loving life. So like definitely go check out her as well. She has like points you in so many directions on how to like, you know, how to check yourself. And she obviously found a copper field.

And that's where I get all of my information on how to like, how to check myself, what you should be looking out for. So like definitely go and check out those too yeah amazing thank you so much Shelley thank you for having me it's been great and thank you everyone for listening I will speak to you next week bye bye We'll be right back. I do. Daily Jackpots. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11 p.m. every day. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

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