Adulting - Let's Talk About... Summer

Episode Date: August 24, 2024

 Hello and welcome to Adulting, and the seventh episode of Let’s Talk About… a broadening of Adulting... where that was about all of the things we never got taught in school, this is almost like seminars on life; where my audience (that's you!), get to chat anonymously about things they couldn't necessarily discuss over lunch with their friends, or feel like they don't have anyone to talk to about whatever it may be.  To get involved, follow me on Instagram @oenone, where every Tuesday we vote on a topic and every Wednesday we dig deep. Let’s Talk About… Summer. The submission read: The feeling of a well-lived summer being underwhelming each year, and feeling disappointed. I was actually quite surprised that this one beat babies, they were tying for a long while, but I personally really understood the sentiment of this submission. I read this to mean, that we put so much store in summer, there is so much lore around the season, it’s the fun sexy season where nothing is off limits and the nights are long and the possibilities are endless, but perhaps as we get older, the nostalgia for that freedom we associate with summer is stronger than the truth of it, so we’re left wanting and bereft. I really enjoyed recording this episode... I hope you enjoy it, too! As always, please do rate, review and subscribe! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome to Adulting and the seventh episode of Let's Talk About, a broadening of adulting where that was about all of the things we never got taught in school. This is almost like seminars on life where my audience, that's you, get to chat anonymously about things you feel you couldn't necessarily discuss over lunch with your friends or maybe just don't have anyone to talk to about whatever it may be. To get involved, follow me on Instagram at Anoni where every Tuesday we vote on a topic and every Wednesday we dig deep. Let's talk about summer. The submission read,

the feeling of a well-lived summer being underwhelming each year and feeling disappointed. I was actually slightly surprised that this one beat babies, which was one of the other submissions. They were tying for a while. But I do personally really understand the sentiment of this submission. I read it to mean that we put so much store in summer. There's so much lore around the season. It's the fun, sexy season where nothing is off limits and the nights are long and the possibilities are endless. But maybe as we get older, the nostalgia for that freedom that we associate with summer is stronger than the truth of it. So we're left feeling a little bereft and wanting and unfulfilled. One submission read, I want to talk about this because I feel like each summer in my 20s should be the summer of my life and I keep comparing to others. Another read, I only went on one holiday. It was wonderful,

but I feel like everyone else has been on four and another said I want to talk about this because it sets unrealistic expectations for most and in my opinion increases unnecessary consumerism this is something I've actually been thinking about for a while and it was something that I was trying to write about basically watching everyone going on holidays and it seems like more and more we are prioritizing volume of holidays lots of little city breaks maybe that's more manageable and affordable maybe it's easier with people having annual leave but the essence of a holiday has really changed I would say since I was a child and when I was younger in a very classic British way we would go to the same place in

Spain every year. It was not remotely cultural. We would sunbathe all day by the pool, read so many books. And then on some nights, maybe like venture out into the old town and get dinner. Otherwise, we'd go to the supermarket and make salads and stuff. And it really was full relaxation. My parents would just lie sunbathing, reading. Me and my sisters would entertain ourselves, make friends, dive in and out of the pool. I don't think we even went to the beach. And there's something to be said that that is such like a Brit abroad attitude to travel where you're basically just there for the weather. You're not absorbing any of the culture. We were in like Mihas, which is near to Frangirola, which is kind of like the Costa del Sol area.

It was really beautiful landscapes in the mountains and we would venture out to the old town and we would eat Spanish cuisine but for the most part it really was just I guess for my parents and us to get some sunshine some rest and relaxation and genuinely rest and I can't remember the last time I went on a holiday that felt restful as an adult. And I think that there's loads of various things going on. I think there's been a really good push towards us seeking out culture and making sure that when we're visiting a foreign country, a new place, that we are taking in the culture, that we're going to see the history, that we're putting money into the economy that we are traveling within whether that be through visiting interesting restaurants or going to historical landmarks or visiting the museums and the galleries and I think that's a really positive thing but I do also think that

sometimes it means that when you go on a trip that ostensibly is is kind of about relaxing it's actually not it becomes something quite tiring and you often hear people saying like oh my god I need a holiday after my holiday which god how much more a first world problem can you get but I do think that there has been a shift there where holidays have become so much about making sure that you're ticking off a list visiting every single place that's been recommended and it can be quite exhausting and I also said which I think is true that holidays have become so much about getting these this gorgeous content and I kind of find it really icky when despite the fact that obviously I'm a content creator whenever I am in a place that has

quite famous landmarks that people pose in front of just seeing the people queuing to kind of get the same shot wherever it might be whether it's in Positano or Paris or whatever beautiful European city it's in, it's kind of devaluing the experience of the holiday because it's all about proving that you've got this gorgeous shot or it's kind of for content. And I'm seeing this across the board, not just with influencers, but also just people posting their holiday pictures.

And I think we're all affected and impacted by this. And it's created a very strange means of absorbing a culture when so much of it is about actually creating proof or having evidence or just getting better pictures than you can get in London. I have to say every time I travel abroad, I do get the best pictures ever because I guess London's not always the most scenic place and it's not always the most beautifully lit place you know it can be a bit grey but yeah I wonder if that's changing our collective psyche around a holiday which is kind of meant to be about relaxing and in a way we've turned it into something that feels can feel a bit more like a chore and I think that's really sad the amount that we do that then again obviously it's very important to want to get your value for money when you're

travelling somewhere. You want to make the most of your trip. So if you're a very organised person who's good at admin and you can pre-plan everything out in advance, that might make everything go a bit more smoothly. But I do think that we've maybe lost a bit of whimsy and whimsical-ness in the way that we approach travel and holidays. Another message read, I'm not sure if it's being 30 and newly single but I hit the summer hard at the beginning.

I had a lot of fun but I genuinely felt burnt out from trying to have the perfect summer and now I'm just prioritising rest and actually looking forward to slowing down for winter. Another message read, carrying on from this I feel like I no longer go on holiday to relax and read a book. Even if I try I have this urge that I must be visiting all the must-see places eating the right things and being seen at the right beach clubs etc to have a full summer my holidays as a child was so much simpler just diving in the pool all day when my parents sat by the pool and now I feel my annual leave needs views as if I'm a part-time traveller. I think the way we travel and holiday has changed as these have become more accessible whilst our parents went for houses, cars etc

which have become harder to reach. I feel like I'm missing out if I'm not taking a couple of trips a year but I also really love being at home and it's not just abroad trips either, it's sandwiching in UK mini breaks during the weekends too which becomes so expensive I always end up feeling so burnt out at the end of summer I completely feel this as well for the first time in a long while I felt so much like I just want to stay put I obviously lived in Paris for a couple of months which was amazing and then I went through a breakup and then I moved out of the flat that I was sharing with my ex and then moved into my friend's flat and I had only moved into my ex's flat in like October so I just feel like there's

been so much upheaval and as I get older I do find like the weekend trips even if it's to go and see my sister in Cheltenham which is amazing because I got to see my nieces and my family etc it's like three hours there three hours back even that kind of takes the wind out of my sails a little bit and I have to feel like I've got to reset again. And I wonder if it's living in a city like London where everything is so busy that I kind of at the minute, I've got this girl's trip to Porto and then I've genuinely cleared my calendar and I just kind of want to stay still and just be at home. I want to be in a really nice routine. I want to feel on top of everything and I think that summer throws that all into disrepair a little bit because it is nice to go out and when it's a really sunny evening you know you

want to make the most of being spontaneous and so you do say yes to those drinks on a Thursday and then you do maybe have a spontaneous plan on the weekend and that's really lovely but as I'm getting older I honestly just can't hack it I I really find it just so tiring. And I've kind of felt annoyed at myself this summer. But I think that not only as I wrote about my latest sub stack, not only do we go through seasons with the weather, but I think we go through seasons in our life. And I'm definitely in a season right now where I'm really craving stillness. And after my last breakup, the summer of 2022, just that year, actually, I just felt so free and I felt really embracing the singleness that I was in.

And I was so glad for it and so excited about it. And this time around, it's different. I kind of want to just stay put and recenter. Could be an age thing, but I also just think sometimes every year is different from the previous and the one in front. And sometimes we can compare if we have a particularly fun year or a particularly good year and want everything to stack on top of each other neatly, like it's going to get exponentially better. Whereas we

might have a really fun year, have a really boring year, have a year where you're not as happy or your mental health isn't as good, or it might be a month, it might be a week. But I wonder if there's something about summer having so much store put in it that we find it hard when it doesn't live up to our expectations another message read so agree with the user that was talking about the enormous pressure of going to the must visit restaurants beaches etc etc when we go away on our holidays now and he talked about this recommendations culture too on everything is content a few weeks ago I can't get away from the feeling of meticulously planning my summer and any trips I take and this is definitely because of pressure I feel looking at social media etc if we were going away

we have to do it right I'm moving abroad next month so I've spent summer catching up with friends in the UK not saving Pinterest boards and TikToks and places to visit just focusing on seeing people where they live enjoying going with the flow might be romanticizing it but I feel like I've made more memories this summer because I haven't had big plans or expectations for it I think that's something maybe also as you get older like when you're a child and you know the weather's really nice you just have a lovely day because you're not at school and actually where I grew up was kind of in the middle of nowhere and my school that I went to was a boarding school and I didn't really know anyone where I live because honestly my parents live like up a hill and there's like

very few people there so I spent most and my sister's way older than me I was the um surprise my dad put my 18th birthday card but I think what they meant was I was a mistake so I spent loads of my summers just by myself, playing in the garden, mostly. And I know that JK Rowling is persona non grata, but I used to listen to the Harry Potter audiobooks all summer long. I used to listen from the beginning to the end. I used to paint. I used to lie in the garden. I remember just being so happy, just being on my own, creating. I kind of had no other choice. I remember being quite bored, but then that boredom would spur fun. when I was hanging out with friends we'd often be in parks getting absolutely slaughtered pretending that we were at someone's house or doing sleepovers I think there is um

as you get older there and definitely because of social media as well because we do have access to perhaps book a holiday or take a trip or go to a certain restaurant we feel like we should be doing it when there's something so lovely about like just going around your friend's house and putting on sex in the city or Gilmore Girls or whatever is your comfort show and just chatting and I think that sometimes we feel like we're wasting our precious moments of the summer if we're not doing something which feels additive in some way like a cultural explanation or trying out the new restaurant. And as much as I love all of those things, I do also love the piece that comes from just hanging out with no sort of structure around that thing. But I have to say, it's so interesting

because I do think there are people who are very organized and who like having things planned. And I've always seemed to be in relationships with men who really like everything's being structured they like knowing what restaurant they're going to they're very good with finding like good restaurants and good wine and that's really important to them and even though I enjoy good restaurants and good wine I'm so much more like just go with the flow and sometimes that might mean you end up eating a bad meal and maybe in some people's eyes that's a waste of money But I do have a really romanticized idea of like stumbling upon a restaurant. And again, we did speak about this in the Everything Is Content episode.

But I wonder if that has been lost a little bit because of recommendation culture. But I also think because of that, we lose so many of these little random hidden gems and local spots because places get blown up because they're visited so much on social media and then we get like the homogenization of the high street which happens everywhere and because you know just the way that things take over you then do get these smaller places that maybe were around and being pushed out on the one hand I think TripAdvisor is so good I do look at it I do read reviews on booking.com, but I do wonder what happens when we are relying so much on reviews constantly. It makes me feel like, are we ever going to have an original thought or stumble upon original places ever again? Maybe not. And I do think it is good to

be able to find reliable information and trust pilot and all of these things so that we are having the best experiences. But I also do fantasize about going to some random little Greek island and holding my shoes in my hand whilst wearing some sort of like white linen dress and finding a gorgeous little independent bar where I drink delicious wine, listen to the sound of the sea and end up dancing into the night with some strangers. Did that ever happen? Maybe that was always just in films. I don't know. But that's the summer I kind of dream of. And I think that maybe it's the level of organization, the overwhelming amount of information we have about all the

things we could or can or should be doing this summer, the new hit places to go to. There's always these reels that are like, can you believe this isn't the Caribbean? Can you believe this isn't Italy? And you're like, where where is it and i wonder if maybe we need to find within ourselves what we want to be doing more but it's like god i guess i should be in the amalfi coast or i should be in sardinia or i should be in mykonos or wherever it is that everyone on your feed is visiting and yeah i think that can be it's again what I wrote about in my piece, the paralysis of possibility that means we end up feeling stuck or like we're not doing anything. Maybe all you really want to do in your heart of hearts is go and lie in Hyde Park with a book and a bottle of rosé,

but maybe that doesn't feel like enough. Whereas when we were 16, that was actually the dream. Another message read, way too much pressure on having a sexy summer that gets coupled with all the social media verbiage around summer are you having a brat summer hot girl summer are you back on the streets or coupled up having a sexy euro summer or a sexy euro summer with the girlies all of that on top of the state of the world being quite horrible is such a cognitive dissonance in my opinion trying to find a job in the market living costs are so expensive politics ah as someone said it also leads over to consumerism and we all know how self-care is being repackaged into that it's so odd and exhausting oh i could go on about this forever so we do actually have a everything is

content special coming up at the end of August so I won't try and revisit too many things we discussed there but I do agree about this pressure of the summer being the sexiest month even when I had my breakup everyone was like yay but it's summer and I was thinking how funny that is because again I think it does really hop back to school when people maybe would have their first snog because you're not on the school grounds and maybe you do meet up in the park and you have sort of all of these formative adult feeling experiences in those summers whether it's your first kiss or trying alcohol for the first time or having your first cigarette or whatever sort of salacious sort of naughty thing that you

do in your early teenage years and we bring that sense of euphoria and newness but then as an adult that can feel quite stale it's not as interesting anymore we're allowed to drink we're allowed to smoke we can kiss and do whatever we want and so I think we just still associate summer it's it's so funny because school is so far away now but as I wrote my piece it informed so many of my ideas around the seasons and the change in the seasons and September for me is always sort of a new start even more than the new year it really feels like that brand new term and and back to school I really get that feeling and I've been thinking a lot about Brat Summer actually as you

know I absolutely loved the album by Charlie OxX. But when the pictures came up from her birthday party, there was a lot of people being like, oh my God, is Indie Sleaze finally back? She had this photographer there who kind of captured the moment and it really felt like those early noughties pictures of Lindsay Lohan in the club and Paris Hilton and people smoking and people talking about taking drugs. But there is a veneer around it because it is orchestrated. It's by design. The album is talking about the phenomenon of partying, which I have participated in for the last however many summers. And actually, this summer, I haven't really been partying. And even last summer, actually, I was out a bit. Well, no, actually, that's a lie. I probably was out a lot but it was stuck the

the shine was starting to wear off because I do really believe to have like a brat summer in its true essence everything kind of has to be random you have to happen upon it it has to be an after party that you stumble upon and then you randomly end up somewhere else or you have all these amazing spontaneous experiences and much like with New year's eve which i always think is the worst night of the year because you really want it to be the best night and so you try so hard to make this amazing evening and actually the best night of the year will probably be some random tuesday when you've met up with some of your girls some of them are still wearing gym kit from having played netball earlier and then you end up on this hangover-esque escapade that you could go on to talk about for

years to come. And so I think that you kind of orchestrate a brat summer. And I think because we're living through an economic crisis where everyone's pretty broke, that strips away spontaneity. It's not as easy to tap your card on another 17 pound cocktail in the in the club and so I think maybe we're we're facing up with that and as you get older it's just like we've got loads of work to do you know work doesn't stop for summer unfortunately we aren't living in France we're not at school summer is merely another work day another set of work days that are in a hotter setting and so I think again we talk about this more in the everything is content hot girl summer special so I will not harp on too much but I completely

resonate with this message and for the first time I feel like I maybe won't be having many more rat summers ahead of me and I almost wonder if it's kind of because of that album made me so hyper aware of the concept of spontaneous, crazy fun that I wanted to seek it out and then was unable to find it. And yeah, it's a really ephemeral, sort of like uncatchable, undefinable feeling when you end up on one of those beautifully crazy nights that's actually perfect where you wake up in the morning and you think, God, I'm going to remember that night for the rest of my life. I think when you seek those out, they very rarely happen. Another message read, there's so much less pressure in autumn.

I'm a homebody and I love being cozy. Had so many weddings and 30th this summer, it's burnt me up big time. Fun, of course, but just not for me all the time. There was a lot of messages about weddings actually and how extortionate, again, as we enter into this age, it becomes kind of a lot about Hindus and weddings and whatever and 30th. So I didn't have, I haven't had any weddings this year. Have I? Is that a lie? No, haven't. But I have had everyone in my year from school has turned 30 and also friends that I've made outside of school obviously but yeah so all the 30s have happened I've got a few more coming up actually uh yeah so this year all year has just been 30th central and it's been

really enjoyable but it's also been one of those things where even if I was a bit tired even if I felt a bit ill even if I was a bit sad I really made the effort to go because it's your 30th and so you have to be there which is kind of obviously the same with weddings and so that can also make fun events I love a wedding I love love please invite me but it obviously can take a little bit of the shine out of the fun because it is just so expensive. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Another message read, I stopped sharing my vacations on social media years ago and it's been incredible. I print the photos into photo books for myself and those close to me look at it and that's it My husband and I have gotten to the point where we won't book anything for our trips

Just go to a new place wander around and do whatever inspires us. It's been incredible We've explored four new countries that way now and I feel like I know them so much better than places I went where we heavily researched and made sure to do the must-do C things. Not posting vacations has really felt so freeing and has made actual real-life conversations about our trip so much more engaging. I think it's such an interesting point because I've even found that say a friend goes on holiday and I'm really bad for this. I love posting beautiful pictures about a trip. I don't know, I mean part of it I guess is it's good for engagement and it's good for my job but also some of it is like come and look at what I'm seeing it's so pretty and like wanting to share

with your friends and other parts of it of course are like the dopamine from people wanting to watch your holidays and trust me I'm plugged locked in and loaded when any of my friends are showing their holiday content I live for it I actually got so excited to see their outfits and their bikini pics I genuinely it does bring me joy, but it does mean on upon their return, I don't really have any questions because I know where they ate every night. I knew what they wore. And, um, we've spoken about this before in one of our other let's talk about, but just the amount that we post on social media does create this level of or lack of conversation around what we've been up to lately because we

already know and so what is there to ask which is a kind of a terrible position to be in another message read I'm kind of looking forward to autumn in a way that feels like ah and relax phew if I have no plans this weekend that's absolutely fine I can just chill whereas in the summer I'm like oh my god I don't have plans on Friday night. Oh my God, what a loser. Everyone is partying, having the best summer, et cetera, et cetera. This is something I'm really working on. So as I said, I feel like I will attend so many things. I'm really lucky. I do have, often can have quite a busy social calendar. I've got lots of different groups of friends. And if I wanted to be out every night there probably is the possibility that I could say yes and I don't do that because I have a job and you know can't do everything but on the weekends I almost always will say yes to everything and actually I end up feeling really tired so then

I will tell myself look this weekend I'm not doing anything because I really need to rest and recuperate I need to do loads of laundry I actually need to do a bit of work I really want to be by myself then that weekend rolls around and like this person said I sit in to rest and recuperate. I need to do loads of laundry. I actually need to do a bit of work. I really want to be by myself. Then that weekend rolls around. And like this person said, I sit in my flat and think, God, what a loser I am, even though I want this. And last weekend, actually, I had a birthday that I was invited to. It was a bit last minute. I said yes. But I'd cleared that weekend. And I'd said to everyone that I knew, I'm not doing anything. And for the first time, I messaged the person. said look I'm so sorry I actually have I'm still working and it's just not going to be feasible for me to attend and then I was so tired I went to bed at 9 p.m and I woke up in the morning and I felt great and I was so pleased that I actually

listened to myself um and rather than wanting to be out not for the sake of being out I love the person whose birthday it was. I was really sad to have missed it. I loved looking at all the pictures and it would have been lovely to have been there. But sometimes you can't go to everything. And I actually do really like being on my own. As I said, as a child, I was on my own a lot. It's funny.

I really enjoy my own company. I really enjoy my own space. I could probably go and be in a cabin of my own in the woods for a week and not necessarily feel lonely for the duration and so I do think I wear myself out sometimes too much by whatever that peer it's not even peer pressure because no one cares what you're doing no one even has to know what you're up to sometimes having time to yourself is really nice and I do love spending my weekends seeing my friends and I do really enjoy going out and dancing and partying and I love a good drink but really sometimes a weekend on your own where you're just doing a deep clean sorting out your stuff

maybe doing a bit of work I really like working on the weekends I don't know why I almost find it as in like I don't want to do it but if I have worked on the weekends I'm almost more efficient than I am in the week I think maybe that's because if it's just a task I've got to get done I can zone in on it and there's no other extra noise of like no one's emailing me everyone else is out busy I can sort of get absorbed in whatever it is I have to do and I do agree that the pressure does dwindle in the winter people are much more into being at home and I do really look forward to that but with age I'm also just trying to really listen to my inner self on what I want and whether or not I need to go out to this thing or is it just people pleasing or is it

me worrying that if I don't go then I'm gonna never be invited again just lots of things like that um so I completely agree I'm really craving autumn. I'm craving big net jumpers and hot chocolates and cold weather and movies. Another message read, sometimes when I talk to my in-laws or my friends, it almost seems like a competition of who can go to A, the best places, B, the farthest, almost out there places, and C, the most places that year. I hate it. I absolutely hate this. I love one of my favorite phrases, because I just find it so funny, is that phrase of like, oh, you went to Tenerife or I went to Elevenerife. I haven't had this for ages, but I have had it before with people in my life where you'll be trying to tell them about

something and they immediately kind of counter it with why theirs was better. I don't actually always think that people are doing it maliciously. I think sometimes it's a way of bonding. And sometimes people are trying to, you know, be like, yeah, we did that as well, actually. But we actually went to the Michelin star fashion. I don't know what the equivalent is. But so I do think that the competitive nature on holidays, it can come from insecurity, it can come from just trying to relate to you but there is this idea that the more holidays the more fancy the holidays the better experience someone has had but as I've said and a few of you said in these messages sometimes going on a holiday can be really exhausting it's such a privilege it's such

an incredible thing to see this amazing earth that we're only on for someone sent a really good message actually that was like we maybe only get 80 summers you know enjoy them but to have a good summer doesn't mean we have to be hopping on off a plane every five minutes and you know making sure that we've been seen eaten all the latest things I think that there's something nice about just being where you are and staying put and maybe finding time to relax in your own way in the summer. I definitely think summer, there is something about freedom, but freedom can also mean freedom from responsibility, but maybe also freedom from pressure to be a certain kind of way. Maybe it can be a homecoming for you. Maybe summer could be a time

when you go into yourself. You can be outside in nature. You can, you know, explore the area that you live in. I don't think a good summer has to be countless trips, even though that can be fun. And I have done that before. Someone else said, this conversation also needs to include something about sustainability. Flying all the time is pretty bad for the planet and also so unequal when like 80% of the world's population will never get on a plane. People think that doing loads of short holidays is good, but it's so much better for the planet and in my experience, much less stressful to go on less longer holidays. It also opens up possibilities for traveling there by train if you make that part of the holiday too. Me and my friends went to Barcelona by train, but made it a longer holiday and stopped off at other places on the way there

and back. It was one of our best holidays ever. I actually have been thinking a lot about doing more train travel holidays and it's something I want to look into traveling around Europe by train and maybe working as well because I have the flexibility of working from wherever in the world and I traveled when I was going to Paris I was going there and back by Eurostar I love the experience and I think when you get into Europe the places that you can get to by train are just incredible you can kind of go everywhere so that's something that I've actually been really thinking about in the future and also I've just got a bit more scared of flying as I got older but obviously the sustainability thing is something that we also should really be thinking about. In response to that message about sustainability someone replied

it always baffles me how this isn't more of a fact for people like not only the monetary cost of so many holidays but also the environmental cost of hopping on a plane six or seven times a year plus hotels which are horrendous in that sense. Don't get me wrong I love holidays but if we're just basing where to go off what we think is the sexiest online we really have lost the plot. It stresses me out and massively exacerbates my climate anxiety when I see friends family going on so many holidays with no regard for how bad it is. Not shaming people for holidays just wish it was more of a factor in planning. E.g. trains, like this person said. Another message read, it used to be the norm to do one holiday a year. For one holiday a season, i.e. four year, to be a little,

just shows how different the value of holidays is these days. At first you don't understand how people are affording to go on four plus holidays a year, but also if they're really doing four a season, 16 a year, then surely it gets to the point where you're exhausted and constantly unpacking from one, packing for the next. And you don't really get to enjoy the build up and really cherish the trips. I also think it was such a luxury to have gone on one holiday a year when I was younger. We used to do two weeks in Spain every August. And then it came to the point where my parents couldn't afford that.

So we did stop going on family holidays but like loads of people wouldn't have had a holiday or like our trips would have been within the UK or day trips like my mum always used to say like their summer holiday was a day trip to Brighton because she lived she grew up in London and I think the quickness with which we've adapted to going from saving up for one holiday and I think it is amazing that it's more accessible and more affordable and more of us are getting to see the world. But I also think that we have to take a responsibility in realizing that just because it's easier

and maybe cheaper to do that, I do think it diminishes it slightly as well. And I think that city breaks can be incredible, but they can also be really overwhelming. I sometimes find them quite tiring if you're packing a lot into three days. And especially if when you get straight back, you've got to go straight back to work. And I remember, I just don't, I do get excited about holidays, but when

I was a kid, oh my God, maybe just things are more exciting when you're a child. Maybe you never get to, but that butterfly feeling, the excitement that you got and the lead up to a holiday, the anticipation, the getting on the plane, the when you get off the plane and the warmer hits you. I think it's like, I guess it's like exposure therapy. The more holidays you go on, the more you become numb to it. And I think that's a really sad thing. And so many people still can't access it. Another message read, I feel like it's social media culture to share highlights. And obviously it's a huge highlight to go on holiday, but you get used to seeing influencers or older people who have saved money going on nice lavish holidays and I feel like that gets normalized for early 20 year olds who won't

think these amazing holidays are normal. As you say I used to go on a big abroad holiday once a year when I was younger and it felt like a huge deal and now I see young people on holiday all the time but unable to save any money but not wanting to miss out either. And someone else replied for all you know these people are riddled in debt to appear like they have an amazing life online or being funded by mum and dad they might also have nothing in the bank in savings or live in a crappy house because they've decided to prioritize spending money on travel for me it comes back to social media and the comparison it causes people to make stay in your lane and enjoy what you've got because you never really know what's happening behind the screen and I think that's such an important attitude I also do think it's important to that some people really do love travel and are very nomadic I have

a friend who she lives with a group of my girlfriends but she she works on tv shows so she's always traveling anyway but it's really her thing she doesn't really have lots of stuff she's not really interested in owning things she really loves seeing the world and she likes hopping from one place to another and that really brings her comfort and she's not necessarily going on lavish holidays she's often you know not staying in the most amazing places but she is really kind of like a nomad at heart and she loves to move around I don't think that we should it's obviously that element of sustainability is in there and she is very eco-conscious actually but But there will be things that drive, that give other

people pleasure. And I guess this is what this conversation is coming back to is that I'm realizing, and I do think this is only something that's happened in the last couple of years, that I don't need lots of trips away. It doesn't always bring me joy. I actually love trips within the UK. I love visiting the Lake District. And when I got the train to Edinburgh for the Fringe and I was looking at the Highlands, I was like was like god I really want to do a trip actually to Scotland and I don't drive but I'm sure I could get the train but I would love to be driving along all those winding paths and I want to go to North Wales I want to travel more within the UK I'm really feeling this is so definitely me just getting older but a call to nature and the vastness of it and I like the idea of feeling small within nature sometimes within a city maybe it's because I live in a city going from a city to a city

it just can feel a little bit tiring even though it's gorgeous and also I am a foodie as cringe as that phrase is I am and I do love good food another message read I'm so the opposite of this the second I smell autumn I'm so stressed preparing for all the depressing pressure that winter brings. The anticipation of feeling sad over the Christmas period, which seems to start earlier and earlier every year. And another message read, also sorry for me, summer is easier as there is less pressure on extended family. By this, I mean, I find winter really hard as Christmas brings with it this expectation of the perfect family Christmas, which is absolutely painful for me. Whereas summer is more about friends and adventures which is why for me this season is easier very personal but as an aspect some people might feel too we actually did last year let's

talk about Christmas I think it should still be in my highlights we can talk about it again if you want this is something I also struggle with with Christmas I do find the expectations vary a lot and my family at Christmas times can be stressful even though we get on really well as a family any other time of year when it comes to Christmas there often will be some big argument I don't know what it is it just brings up lots of emotion it's such an emotionally charged time of year there's so much pressure on it so I completely feel that however However, what I'm looking forward to is autumn. I'm looking forward to September, October, November. I think December, I will start to feel stressed. But again, as I'm getting older, I'm starting to make decisions around that. Me and my friend were talking about

maybe going away for Christmas on either a little UK break or traveling somewhere as our holiday. I haven't, I'm going to Porto this summer, but I haven't had like a big summer holiday. And I'm thinking about maybe moving that to Christmas time and redefining my own rules around what Christmas time means to me. I'm not particularly religious and it's really important for me to see my family, but I also do feel a lot of the pressure of Christmas and it brings up weird things for me. I think it can be a triggering time for lots of people. But the period in between before we start sliding into winter and all of the kind of festivity bits, I really, really like. And I think that can also be about friendship. And again, this is kind of what this episode is about. It's so funny how we have these really strong emotional reactions and feelings towards these seasons but really we're just kind of projecting onto times of year what we feel is

true to happen what we feel should be happening Christmas should be about family winter should be about family summer should be about friends and snogging and actually there's a real power in kind of fine-tuning into your own wants and needs and it can be so hard with all the noise of social media and our peers and just kind of this collective into your own wants and needs. And it can be so hard with all the noise of social media and our peers and just kind of this collective peer pressure that we all feel, especially living in a digital world. And I think that if you can kind of using this time, especially autumn when everyone is sort of focusing in,

you know, everyone's back to work, everyone's focused a bit more, you know, it feels like the air feels a bit, everyone's focused a bit more, you know, it feels like the air feels a bit clearer and everything's a bit more crisp. Maybe it's a good time to look inside yourself, think about what you're seeking, what you're really looking for, what you need, what's going to recharge you, what's going to make you feel whole and try to forget about how that might look online or to your friends because that's something and it's taken me 30 years to even kind of have this realization that I don't have to live my life in the way that everyone else

not even wants me to but just I think there's a safety in performing certain rituals or certain identities that make everyone else feel safe because then we can understand and see each other when someone's doing something as we expect them to it creates safety within us we're like great yes I expect that from you that makes sense good we're all doing this okay and actually there's a freedom in going I'll do this but I don't want to do that and actually I understand that you know Christmas is important because of xyz but for my own sense of self and my own sanity I want to do xyz does that make sense god I've been chatting for ages I did actually have loads of messages on this but another a lot I guess the final message was I find winter so hard because of the terrible weather limiting us

from being outside and the shorter days dark evenings I find some summer so much better for my mental health because I'm able to be outside, sat in the park, walking around. Even my commute is slower, calmer, not rushed in the cold, grey rain. Having the ability to do stuff after work because it's still light, maybe nice weather, doesn't have to be something extravagant, even walking to the supermarket to do the food shop, but taking time to do it or having dinner in the park alone. Take away the pressures and just enjoy it for what it brings romanticize it i understand the comments about social media pressures i don't go on many holidays myself because i'm single and have the expenses of living in london but ultimately no one really cares about the holiday while you're posting while away just enjoy it i think that's

a lovely message and a nice place to end to remember that forget all of these big external pressures that person's so right in that it's it's lovely to be able to just be outside although not to go all Drew Barrymore on you but I love the rain lol something really special about being in the rain I love running in the rain but they're so right if we just strip it back to the season and just being out and blooming and following nature's path I I guess, in the summer where everything is kind of in full bloom and shining and turning its face to the sun. Maybe that's all we have to do and everything else is just superfluous surroundings. And then let's make

the most of, you know, sunning to cocoon and huddle up as the autumn comes. I've loved this chat. I hope you enjoyed listening. As always, please do rate, review, subscribe, and I will see you here next week. Love you, bye. Bye. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino. Where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly.