Alastair's Adversaria - Characteristics of Dysfunctional Communities

Starting point is 00:00:00 The following reflection was first published on the Anchored Argosy. It's entitled Characteristics of Dysfunctional Communities. I have previously commented upon some contemporary uses of the work of Edwin Friedman. In my previous discussion, I noted the way that Friedman's analysis had been heavily gendered by some subsequent interpreters in ways that it was not in Friedman's own work. Admittedly, this later gendering should not be entirely surprising, given the prominence of the term empathy in parts of Friedman's account. While the term empathy might have the effect of foregrounding more commonly feminine relational impulses,

Starting point is 00:00:37 Friedman's analysis of dysfunctional communities clearly also applies to dynamics more typical of male-dominated groups. Consequently, if we allow the gendered weighting of the term empathy to direct our attention too much, we can miss much of the application of his work. Indeed, in some respects, we may even become more susceptible. to some of the problems he identifies. Friedman explores the way in which dysfunctional communities can come to order themselves around their most disruptive, demanding, immature and unself-regulated members, as leaders lack the nerve, will, character, support, or capacity effectively to stand up to them. In such situations, the expectation can be that the family, group, or society,

Starting point is 00:01:22 bend over backwards to appease, accommodate, avoid offending, or coddle the dysfunctional the dysfunctional or members. It is easier to expect everyone to change around the disruptive persons than to confront those persons and provoke their displeasure. In many places and institutions within our society, as well as in many churches and Christian organisations, this dysfunctional herding dynamic is typically encountered in more feminine modes. However, it can be no less operative in more masculine coded forms and contexts, while feminine groups may be more susceptible to such herding dynamics, that depend upon appeals to empathy, there are several other ways that they can operate.

Starting point is 00:02:02 It can, for instance, take the form of appeasement strategies designed to avoid confrontation, insistence upon unity in response to bad behaviour being challenged, pressure upon and blaming of those who expose or challenge it, and lots of effort being expended to justify, minimise or excuse it. Rather than appealing to empathy, the disruptive person might get their way through intimidation and violence, through creating a scene or throwing a tantrum, by making life deeply unpleasant and tense for everyone around them when opposed,

Starting point is 00:02:34 through constant taking of umbrage and offence, through spreading complaints and bitterness, through spreading distrust and accusations about leaders, or through exciting division and conflict in the ranks in other ways. Faced with such people in a society, organisation, church or family, the easiest course will often seem to be that of giving them their way, making excuses for them and resisting anyone who would unsettle the situation by standing up to the disruptors. Anyone who challenges the most immature and dysfunctional group members can be characterised as divisive. It is easier to silence such voices than to put the dysfunctional and immature parties in their place, which could easily result in elevated internal conflict. The tensions created by such a situation will typically be displaced onto others.

Starting point is 00:03:23 There will be those who constantly must try to defuse tensions through humour. Others will make sophisticated excuses and rationalizations for the disruptors. Others may attack any who challenged the disruptors and shift the blame for any unpleasantness caused by the disruptors onto them. Many will be walking on eggshells around the disruptive figures or flattering them in various ways. So much of this results from conflict avoidant desire for in-group unity, often accompanied by raised external conflict to channel internal tensions, association of apology with weakness,

Starting point is 00:04:00 an urge to appease and cover for dysfunctional and restive group members and elements. Groups that adopt such an approach often have genuinely mature and gifted people within them, yet their incapacity to exercise decisive self-regulation and policing, means that they will constantly be waylaid by their loud and immature elements. One of the effects and symptoms of such a regressive dynamic is that entire families, institutions, movements, groups, churches, denominations, societies, etc., become ordered around and known for their most immature and dysfunctional members, behaviours and actions. As such groups continue to accommodate and adapt themselves to their disruptive elements in various ways, their entire character will gradually become coloured by those of their immature and disruptive members. In such settings, people who could be smart, respected and good leaders within well-regulated organisations and societies can end up devoting their reputational capital, time and energies to providing intellectual cover and excuses for fools

Starting point is 00:05:06 and for foolish actions and statements that people lack the maturity to retract. Recognising this, it might be diagnostically helpful to ask which figures are most dominant in our own group's public profiles, What sides of them are most prominently displayed, and what and who our public discourse most amplifies. If the most dominant figures are fools, provocateurs and even vicious people, and our groups are constantly rallying to provide intellectual cover and excuses for dumb incendiary statements, imprudent or sinful actions, and immature or bad persons. It is a strong indication that we have a serious problem. Internal criticism, retraction of bad statements,

Starting point is 00:05:48 apology for wrong or imprudent actions, discipline for unruly parties, etc., are all ways that we can protect ourselves from becoming tethered to folly and evil, enabling us and our communities to put our best feet forward. If you would like to read this and other reflections, you can do so on the anchored argosy, the substack that I share with my wife. If you would like to support my work here, there and elsewhere, you can do so using Patreon or PayPal, the links for those are below. God bless and thank you.

Starting point is 00:06:20 you very much for listening.

Alastair's Adversaria - Characteristics of Dysfunctional Communities

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