All About Change - Kalina Silverman: Creating Human Connection in a Disconnected World Through Big Talk

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to All About Change. Now is a great time to check out my new book about activism. Find Your Fight. You can find Find Your Fight wherever you buy books, and you can learn more about it at jruderman.com. Today, my guest is Kalina Silverman. Kalina is a documentary journalist, entrepreneur, speaker, and creator of Big Talk, an award-winning viral media project that highlights meaningful conversations

Starting point is 00:00:28 to foster empathy and human connection. Over the years, people worldwide have shared how Big Talk transformed their lives, from reconnecting with estranged family members and finding love to opening up at work, overcoming depression, finding hope after experiencing loss, and discovering their true purpose. Inspired by this impact, Big Talk evolved into a global initiative to help people connect more openly and meaningfully.

Starting point is 00:00:58 Part of the Ruderman Family Foundation's mission statement is we work to end the stigma surrounding mental health and promote emotional well-being for all. And Kalina is an ally in that project, working on her own towards that same end. So Kalina Silverman, I'm so glad to have you as my guest on All About Change. And I think that what you've done is so impactful in a world where we live in a lot of superficiality. you've been able to connect with people in a real way and that's resonated. So I commend you for that, and I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Thanks so much. It's an honor to be on your podcast. I've heard you speak to so many inspiring people.

Starting point is 00:01:42 So it's fun to just be here with you today. Thank you. Thank you so much. So, Kalina, you know, we're now four years out from the first COVID vaccine, and we lived in a time where we were particularly isolated. and there was a tremendous amount of loneliness. What would you say about the state of loneliness right now in 2025? I don't think it's changed too much. It seems like every year there's another factor contributing to loneliness. You know, I received the most messages in people who were suffering with loneliness before COVID.

Starting point is 00:02:16 During COVID, I think people actually were, if they were lucky, were able to shelter in place with people and actually have that face-to-face contact more often than not. I think now the new factor is AI, technology. It's easier to ask the internet a question than call up someone and ask them a question. I try to stop myself from Googling the answer to everything so I can make sure I have a real conversation about it. Yeah. So let's talk about, you know, big talk because it's become this worldwide phenomena and people really, really connected with it. And it's expanded, you know, much beyond yourself. how do you explain that? How do you explain that? This is an idea that you had to really cut through

Starting point is 00:03:01 the small talk and really get to, you know, really what humanity is going through. What resonated with people? I call Big Talk a sort of grassroots global movement because it started off with a simple video of me walking up to strangers and skipping Small Talk. And then people would start messaging me and they'd say, hey, Kalina, I want to join your Big Talk movement. And I never even thought of it. way. I thought it was just a YouTube video that I made in college. And then people started reaching out and sharing examples of how they made Big Talk in their lives. I received a postcard from Thailand from a group of models who held a pizza party where they wrote down Big Talk questions and talked about it because they said the modeling industry superficial. I had soldiers in Korea and

Starting point is 00:03:46 Israel reaching out to me saying how the military is super rigid and it's hard to open up. And so they did big talk in the military. People in prison have written to me talking about how big talk was their solution to opening up about mental health struggles they were going through when they were in the psychiatric ward. So I think the reason it's taken off as a movement is because it's such a simple universally resonant idea and it doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what you do. The idea of asking meaningful questions of yourself and others to connect and feel less

Starting point is 00:04:22 alone is universal. How did you do that breakthrough? How did you, you know, take yourself and say, I'm going to talk to a stranger and I'm going to have a real conversation with that stranger when maybe that wasn't so comfortable to do? It was definitely nerve-wracking at first. I remember I was in Germany doing a project about the Holocaust and I saw a question written on the Berlin Wall and it said, what do you want to do before you die?

Starting point is 00:04:51 and that question immediately stirred something emotionally in me, and I connected it to this name, Big Talk, and that's when I decided to try this experiment. I called an experiment. I didn't know what would happen. I would approach strangers and skip the small talk to ask them, what do you want to do before you die? And the first one was really awkward, and I was super nervous. And then I kept walking up to people from all walks of life. It didn't matter if it was a 90-year-old woman, an 8-year-old boy, a businessman in Beverly Hills, a homeless man in Bena's speech. would ask them all this question, and people would break down in tears. People would open up and their faces would be glowing, talking about their dreams in life. And I saw how impactful a simple

Starting point is 00:05:32 question and approach to conversation could be. And that's led me on this journey of 12 years to where I am today. You know, one of the brilliant insights that you've had is that, you know, people can become lonely in an instant, which I think that we don't think. We think like loneliness is something that builds up over time and people are locked away and they've shut themselves away from the world for whatever reason. Can you talk about an example of how you've talked to these people who are experiencing loneliness and loss and how that went and why that became such a viral moment? I think I've learned over time that when you're talking to people about seemingly difficult, taboo, dark, heavy subjects like grief and loss, depression. Approach it like you're

Starting point is 00:06:27 their friend and don't approach it like it's something heavy. Like I talk to them with the same tone, something that's optimistic and hopeful and friendly and conversational. And just hear them out. Just listen to them like you're sitting with a friend over drinks, chatting about anything, right? And then that way people feel comfortable opening up as well. And I think it leads to such profound effects of someone feeling truly heard, comfortable, seen, and then when other people witness these conversations, they too feel like they're just sitting with a friend and hearing about it. People, they don't realize how blessed they are, but they're still here.

Starting point is 00:07:12 What was the most difficult time of your life and how did you get through it? Well, the difficult thing was having my young son. Well, he wasn't all that young, but he was my baby still. He started getting sort of sick. He was going to go into surgery. I said, Jeffrey, I will go downstairs and get something to eat and I'll be back up. I got back up an hour and a half later. My son had died.

Starting point is 00:07:41 And it was really hard for me to understand understand because he had been such a sweet person he had never been in trouble he was always trying to help other people but i wanted to share this with you guys be kind if you're not really out there really touching other people's lives it doesn't make any difference i get out here and dance every sunset and god knows i make a lot of people happy laugh and whatever So I just do it. This is me. This is Hazel.

Starting point is 00:08:19 Do you keep in touch with the people that you've had these conversations with? Oh, totally. Not every single one, but a lot of them. I interviewed a woman who recently lost her husband just a few months after they were married. And when they got married, they knew he was going to pass away of cancer.

Starting point is 00:08:34 And then a few weeks later, we met up to play music and jam in the park. I love how a big talk conversation can lead to a real meaningful connection. And that was the whole point of Big Talk. It's not, it's just about a one-off encounter that'll change your perspective or maybe your life. Other times it can lead to a long-lasting friendship or something else unexpected can come out of it like an activity

Starting point is 00:08:55 or a job opportunity. You never know. So Hazel, she's 89 years old now. And she dances at sunset to remember her son. Whenever I go on beach walks, I still see her there every night. And she sees me and she goes, hey, baby girl. And we sit and we talk for a while. Wow, that's beautiful. And do you ever feel like, you know, when you're interviewing people that you open up yourself and you talk about yourself and what you're going through and are people able to, you know, give you insights and like how to maybe see things from a different perspective? That's a great question. I find when I'm doing these interviews, I don't really talk too much about myself, but I do feel like each conversation is a mirror and I learn something

Starting point is 00:09:41 and take away something profound. Like every single conversation, leaves behind some sort of life lesson, maybe because I asked them if you could share a message with the world or a lesson with the world, what would it be? But it's always surprising, unexpected, and it doesn't matter who it is and what they do in life. I know that when I was listening to some of the questions, they struck me. Because when you ask someone like, something like, what's the hardest thing that you've faced? And then you think about that yourself. Like, I thought about it myself. And, you know, I'm going through a time right now where my youngest is going through a really, really difficult time.

Starting point is 00:10:21 And it's been going on for a couple of years. And, you know, what are some other examples of some questions that you would ask someone that, you know, are real big talk questions? So I always ask people that question, what's the most difficult experience you've been through? And then I ask, how did you get through it or how are you moving through it? I think a big aspect of big talk is providing array of hope, no matter the situation. I ask people, what are you proud of in life? That really shows what people value? I ask, what do you want to do before you die?

Starting point is 00:10:57 As I mentioned before, what's a life lesson you would share with the world? Or if you could speak to everyone in the world, what would you say? I ask, what would your childhood self think about you today? What's something someone might not know about you just by looking at you? sometimes I leave it at that. Sometimes it's pretty cool because they'll write to me days, weeks, years later and be like, I finally have an answer to the question. So you know that just by asking it, you provided a spark of change or a catalyst of thought

Starting point is 00:11:25 for them. Or I'll just move on to the next question. I'll be like, or I'll rephrase it instead of what do you want to do before you die. You know, what's your current dream in life? That's sometimes easier for people to wrap their head around. But it is really cool to see, like you mentioned, people at different phases. of life how they answer it. You know, people in their early 20s, it's a lot of times like bucket list items like travel and do this and that. I still remember my professor when I was in college.

Starting point is 00:11:51 I asked him it and he just said, have more good days. And I did not understand at that time why he would say that when there's so many other answers you could give. And now at the right old age of 31, I get it. I'm like, I also just want to have more good days and live day by day. Right. Which is really wise. But it but it's hard because we get caught up in in career and I mean you have a career you you have the cards that you've released you're releasing a book um you consult you talk to people you know you're building a career over this idea of a big talk and sometimes you can get really involved in your career so you know do you ever feel like you know I'm swimming upstream that you know this is you know we're all sort of

Starting point is 00:12:40 like rushing ahead and to make people stop and think about life is really, really difficult. Absolutely. And I think in the world we're in or the industry we work in, we can feel that way if we don't unplug. And for me, it comes down to something really simple, like going surfing. I go in the ocean. I can't be attached to technology. I'm just looking at blue. I'm just focused on the moment of surviving and catching away. Just having things that ground you like that, I'll say this year, especially one solution, seriously, is just to spend time in a small town that's removed from all of this. I've been to towns in Kentucky and North Carolina and Texas, sometimes covering disasters or for other projects for Big Talk. And just to see people living in a town and not caring about

Starting point is 00:13:32 the outside world and just functioning as their own organism is a great way to remember that yes, the world wants you to move really fast and technology and all that, but that all, like, exists just within this technology world, but you can step outside of that and just touch earth and talk to people who are also salt of the earth people and feel connected again. Talk a little bit about nature and why you think nature is important. And do you feel that that people, that some people are afraid of nature? It seems like, you know, scary to them. Yeah, nature actually is proven. to combat loneliness, even if you're alone in nature, interestingly enough, you're connected,

Starting point is 00:14:14 maybe because we are nature fundamentally, once you get rid of all our AirPods and everything else going on attached to us. Being in nature is so good for you because you are able to make big talk with yourself and connect with yourself. Before Will Rogers burned in the fires, I used to go on Monday morning walks through this one little eucalyptus grove for like 30 minutes. And that's when all my ideas would come rushing in. I would have to stop like every 30 seconds to write something down that I came up with. And I was able to hear myself again. So I think nature is one of the most important ways to feel us alone, to feel healthy and connected and grounded.

Starting point is 00:14:57 Kalina, talk a little bit about the book that you're writing, which is going to come out. I understand next year. and what has the process been like and what are you expecting from the book? Yeah, so I wrote a book called Big Talk, How to Skip Small Talk, Make Meaningful Connections, and Enrich your Life. And each chapter features a big talk conversation I've had with a once total stranger and then goes into a kind of self-help chapter, like how to be more curious, how to be more approachable towards other people for conversation. and how to navigate conversations across political divides. And I don't know what I'm expecting from the outcome of the book. I'm hoping it just helps people.

Starting point is 00:15:42 I hope in the same way that when I post video, someone reaches out to me and says this helps me see things in a new way or inspired me to talk to someone or feel less lonely. I hope the book does the same thing. I hope it's just an extension of big talk that people can use as a guide in their own lives and take what they may from it. So we'll see what happens to my first time.

Starting point is 00:16:02 being an author. Talk about a connection that you've had where people have reached out to you, you know, through email or whatever, social media. And, you know, a couple of stories maybe that, you know, that really just sort of like took you a back and said, wow, I can't believe I've had this impact. The two that come to mind maybe just because they reached the most people. one was a woman I met on the sidewalk who was 90 years old I was just walking at sunset met her and I asked her what her secret to life was and again it was such a simple answer it was like move your body well feed your body well and rest your body well and I apply that body I also think of your mind right like move and feed and rest your mind well and her words echo in my brain

Starting point is 00:16:55 still. And then I asked her what she wanted to do before she died. And she said she couldn't do it anymore, but it was to see the Northern Lights, the Aurora Borealis. And millions of people saw this very simple video. And people all over the world were reaching out and offering support. I had guides in Iceland and Finland, like saying, I'll take her to see the lights. And people sharing their bucket list and saying she inspired them to book a trip and finally do the things they wanted to do. And it was just so simple and profound to see how this woman who was just radiated light, 9 years old, had red lipstick on, made so many people feel inspired and also at peace with themselves. And that was pretty cool. And then the other example was the gentleman Walt Butler, who I, he was the first

Starting point is 00:17:44 person I interviewed following the LA fires. And he had lived in Altadena. And that was before I knew big talk could make a financial impact in people's lives. I just was watching the news. I was seeing the devastation from the fires. I felt so helpless and like I wanted to do something. And, you know, I went to school for broadcast journalism, but I took a different path to Big Talk. And I saw these reporters out there and I was like, I want to be there. And I want to talk to people and help them. And because, you know, I don't have skills as like a red crossworker, but my skill is talking to people. And I met up with Walt Butler and sat with him for like an hour. and then edited it into a 90-second video

Starting point is 00:18:26 and posted it and within a week we had raised a million dollars for him which is real financial impact like you can buy a house in some parts LA with that money right and that was cool to see the world rallying behind a stranger because they saw a 90-second video of him breaking down crying and expressing emotion

Starting point is 00:18:48 so do you think social media is by and large good or bad or what's what's your view on your own social media on my own it's good it gives me so much faith in humanity when you read the news and you read the comments below it's easy to feel that icky angry like devastated feeling about humanity but i'll say maybe that's because negativity amplifies so much more than positivity and there's like some stat don't quote me on it the brain's like four times more likely to focus on negative, right? Like you could receive 10 compliments about your book, and then that one critique is the one that echoes in your mind over and over again.

Starting point is 00:19:31 So I think people are inherently good if they are provided with good to see if they're being fed something that's dark or negative, then they're going to respond to that and spiral. So it's really up to us creators and the people who are broadcasting news to do the right thing and show the good set of humanity to bring us together. But unfortunately, a lot of algorithms and businesses thrive off of negativity and pitting people against each other. But I think it's a fight.

Starting point is 00:20:04 And maybe it's an uphill battle, but I think it's one that's definitely worth fighting. And when I see, you know, millions of people responding to a simple video in a positive way, it gives me a lot of hope. Right. I once interviewed Tyler Merritt, who's an actor and he's an author. He's written a couple books. And I asked him, I said, how do you deal with all the negativity?

Starting point is 00:20:23 And he's like, I don't look at it. He's like, I have someone I work with. He shows me all the positive stuff and none of the negative stuff because I can't deal with the negative stuff so I don't look at any of it. And I've heard many people, you know, in a position where they get a lot of feedback

Starting point is 00:20:38 and they're like, I don't look at the negative stuff. So, you know, and by the way, I believe what you say. You know, the premise of my book is that people by and large are good and they, believe that they want to do something against injustice. And I think that you have to have,

Starting point is 00:20:58 if you believe in the good of humanity and you think that we're here, you know, for a reason, that you have to believe that there's something good there and that people want to make the world a better place. Because I think the opposite is just such a depressing way to look at the world. I agree with you. I think as long as you provide space for hope,

Starting point is 00:21:21 hope will thrive and exist. So, Killeen, I want to ask you about being a journalist and your background in journalism. And you largely work outside the traditional news apparatus. How do you feel about our current, you know, media ecosystem that set up, you know, to connect people, but there are real, like, blind spots? What's your view of that? I think there's so much responsibility on journalists now, and some of them are just deferring to what the news outlets or the stakeholders want a need to fund them. But I think it really

Starting point is 00:22:07 falls on the individual to tell the truth. And I think that's what people are looking to now. Like a lot of people don't trust institutions as much, but they trust individuals, which is like the rise of the creator, the influencer, the media personality or the author, right? You have to be really discerning now. Like, it's so easy to just see a headline. And a lot of them are so sensationalists. It's so frustrating to read these sensationalist awful headlines. So I'm like reputable organizations. So I think it comes down to just finding individuals that you trust. Yeah, I studied journalism. Then I think I did get a little jaded and then started Big Talk because in the end I think what I trust most is just face-to-face interactions with real people and just being on the ground

Starting point is 00:22:55 rather than trying to decipher what everyone wants you to think. Yeah. But I do believe in what you said, that people resonate with personalities. And, you know, sometimes like going back to my kids, you know, they'll say like, oh, I could do that. And I'll be like, yeah, you could, but don't discount what people do. because the people who are successful, no matter what they do, whether they're in sports or they're in business, or even if they're a media personality, you know, on YouTube or TikTok or whatever, they have something that's attracting people to them. They have a way of putting their message across. They're either funny or they're talented in how they speak or, you know, there's something that's attracting people to them.

Starting point is 00:23:45 And I have, you know, I guess the older I get, the more respect I have for what people do, because people find a way to find their success. And I think that that's something that you've done. You've been able to find your success, probably in a way that you never thought would be your path in life. Right. And it's not easy. I think a message to the young adults of today, you might see someone on social media and think, oh, they're so lucky, their job. was so easy. They just post a few videos and they make millions of dollars. That might be a few people, like the top point zero zero one percent. But it's a grind and it takes so much thought

Starting point is 00:24:26 and hard work and failure and embarrassment and side gigs and side hustles, at least speaking from personal experience. You know, it's been 12 years to get to this point. And it's been a lot of moments of uncertainty and fear and sometimes shame that, you know, I'm not making as much money as my friends who have normal jobs, right? But as long as you follow your passion, you know inherently in your gut and your heart that it's right and it feels good and you think it's making an impact, you will keep going and you'll figure it out.

Starting point is 00:24:54 Right. So you recently lost funds for a big talk program because of federal budget cuts. Do you have a worry that people first work is being unappreciated by people who are at the levers of power? Um, at times, I think it's not as easy as, like, selling a physical product that everyone needs, but everyone does need human connection. And funds exist. They just come from different places and you have to get creative and scrappy about it. Like, yes, I used to have a grant from the state department. And now that's gone. Because as we know, a lot of things were cut in the government in the past year. Um, but you know, Now I have some brands funding some of the work I do. So you just have to always be mindful that the opportunities are there,

Starting point is 00:25:48 but you have to look from different angles and different means to find them and to keep going. So you really have to become an entrepreneur. You have to constantly think about where is my funding coming from? Who am I going to be able to connect to? Who resonates with what I'm doing and can help their initiative as long. in addition to what I'm doing? Yes, but I also think people find me. And that's the great thing about being public facing

Starting point is 00:26:19 and putting your work out there. The right people will connect with you and it'll happen organically, spontaneously, and it'll be right because they found you and they connected with you and reached out. So I know as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, the opportunities will come. And they come in unexpected ways.

Starting point is 00:26:36 Like a lot of times if I'm like sitting down and brainstorming about how to fund myself or make money, like it doesn't really happen. But then something random, like, I interviewed a hospice nurse for Big Talk, and she had a book coming out. And then she was like, let me connect you to my agent. And now here I am two years later with a book deal and a book coming out because I just reached out to a woman on Instagram who I resonated with because she told stories about love and loss and grief and how to navigate death. Who would have known? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:05 It's funny how the world works that way. Yeah. So how do people reach you? How do you like to be reached? And are there certain, are there certain types of social media that you like better than others? Instagram is definitely my favorite platform.

Starting point is 00:27:27 And I have my personal Instagram, just at Kalina Silverman, and then my Big Talk one, which is at Make Big Talk. And you can really reach me by just sending me a direct message on Instagram. And I like Instagram because then you kind of see

Starting point is 00:27:39 what someone's about as well when they're reaching out to you. You know who they are, kind of, in a nutshell. And it's easier to converse than like a cold email, for example. You can also email me, Kalina at makebigtalk.com. But feel free to just send me a direct message on Instagram if you want to get connected. I check it every day. Right.

Starting point is 00:27:59 Well, Kalina, first of all, I want to thank you for being my guests on All About Change. You've changed the lives of so many people. Your idea is, on the one hand, very simple. But, you know, you found it. And you made it something. And that's not easy. That takes, as you said, you put in a lot of years to get to this point. And, you know, you have my respect for that because I know how difficult it is to work on something. And it takes a long time. And, you know, I wish you a lot of luck on your upcoming book and everything else that you're doing with your consulting and the cards and everything, I think you're going to touch so many lives.

Starting point is 00:28:40 And in some ways, that's a lot more fulfilling than having a job where maybe your friends are, you know, making a lot of money doing something that they may not enjoy so much. So thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you. And I wish that you'll go from strength to strength. Thank you. And I appreciate your commitment to amplifying voices of change and activism

Starting point is 00:29:03 because we need more of that. So everyone, if you have an idea and you want to help the world, stick to it. We need more of you. Thank you for being part of the All About Change community. We aim to spark ideas for personal activism, helping you find your pathway to action beyond awareness. So thank you for investing your time with us, learning and thinking about how just one person

Starting point is 00:29:26 can make the choice to build a community and improve our world. I believe in the empower of informed people like you to drive real change, and I know that what we explore today will be a tool for you in that effort. All right, I'll see you in two weeks for our next conversation, but just one small ask. Please hit subscribe and leave us a comment below. It lets us know that you value this content, and it supports our mission to widely share these perspectives. If you're looking for more inspiration, check out this next video. I chose it for you, and I know you're going to enjoy it.

Starting point is 00:30:01 I'm Jay Ruderman. Let's continue working towards meaningful change together.

All About Change - Kalina Silverman: Creating Human Connection in a Disconnected World Through Big Talk

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