All Fantasy Everything - A Dinner Party (w/ Todd Glass)

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

A truly delightful episode, even more than usual.Episode Guest:Todd Glass (X @toddglass, IG @thetoddglassshow)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting a dinner party. Our guest today is the stand-up comedian and just overall wonderful man, Todd Glass. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends and stand-up comedian and just overall wonderful man, Todd Glass. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends and stand-up comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

The podcast that hired a jib to get the Zoom footage of Todd Glass for the show today. He looks great. Worth every penny. That crane, that moving crane. And that's a union job, by the way. So this is weird to hire him for a 12. You get it done by 1130.

I'm taking my union mandated 15. I'll be outside. The crane stops where it stops. It doesn't matter who is around. I love it that a union person will be like I don't give a fuck that Billy Crudup's out there I'm

smoking it's lunchtime Billy Crudup that was your that was your I was excited that I thought of that I thought that was a good reasonable pull I didn't see it coming is all yeah that was fun you tell Billy Crudup that the cigarette is the star of the show right now Yeah, that was fun.

You tell Billy Crudup that the cigarette is the star of the show right now. I don't give a fuck if he was in Almost Famous. I'm almost on break. There he is. You tell Annabeth Gish that I'm going to go get a coffee and I don't care if she's got a big emotional scene coming up.

Yeah, it rules. Todd, you can coming up. Yeah, it rules. Todd, you can talk whenever. Yeah, you're in. You're good, man. You'll get an introduction. You know what? I thought I wanted to listen more. I've been trying to listen more this year.

Maybe there's someone listening to the podcast. They're like, I like Todd Glass, but he's a little too much for me sometimes. So I'm trying to... The new Todd Glass is a little more chill. We should start booking guests to come on and listen. So Todd is here, but he's not going to be talking today. So everyone knows. I didn't know who that was, and I was embarrassed to say it.

What, Annabeth Gish? Billy Crudup. He plays the blue guy in The Watchman. He's the big tall blue guy. He's the lead in Almost Famous. Don't worry, I Googled that Almost Famous thing. He's the second lead. He plays Russell, the guitar player for Stillwater in

Almost Famous. I know who he is now. Yeah. He has Crud in his name? Some people say Crudup and you're like, just stop it. It's Crud stop it it's fine how many conversations have you been in about him a couple i didn't just make it up so i've heard i swear i've heard like i don't know jimmy fallon or someone said crude up or something i don't know that was a conversation you were in me and jay we're walking the other day we're at

the town center he He flew in. I got to get my steps. He does too. We're old men. You know. Sean, I think you, out of everyone in my life, you brought up Billy Crudup. And I do say it like that more than anyone else I know.

I'll bring him up. Top 1% of people who don't know Billy Crudup. He was in Big Fish. I didn't even look it up. You look it up. See if I'm wrong. He was in Big Fish. He was. He's right. And. I didn't even look it up. You look it up. See if I'm wrong. He was in Big Fish. He was, right?

And what was the other name you mentioned? The more exotic one that I didn't know that was either. Annabeth Gish and let me, do you want a little peek behind the veil there? Yes. I was thinking I was thinking I need to come up with an obscure actor to get in on this bit, right?

It's a little early in the morning for me uh i'm on antibiotics so like i'm just a little out of sorts and i was like let me go ahead and google the movie double jeopardy and go down the cast list about four wow because david talked about double jeopardy earlier he said double jeopardy earlier and i'm like i'm going to sort of reverse engineer my reference here. Listen, I'm going to sit right here, and I'm going to state this right now on this podcast.

I don't want us talking about what we Google for bits in podcasts. I need you guys to think it's magic and keep buying fucking tickets. I say we get this in the bud right now. Don't worry about what I Googled about to get to a rift. Just eat it.

Just eat that shit. I know who, I was joking, by the way, just now. I know who Annabeth Gish is off the top of my head. She went to Duke University. She was from Albuquerque. This is all stuff I didn't know. Wait a second. It sounds like, in all fairness, it sounds like he does know.

I mean, I'm not a stupid guy. It does sound like he knows. It does sound like he knows. It does sound like he knows. She's been married from 1986 to present. Of course I know this off the top of my head. Wait, that sounds, hold on now. That sounds more, you wouldn't say

that in real life. Hold on. Wow, you know what, I'm being suspicious for no reason. Exactly. Why would I lie? She's currently on a show that's been airing from 2021 to question marks. So I think I know a few things about Gish. Anne Elizabeth

Annabeth Gish. You know, she's an American actress. She's played roles in films. Yeah, man. Two question marks. It's so obvious to get like a dumb person trying to acknowledge a boy gets caught in his lie. No, I know she's too questionable. It's so obvious to get. Like a dumb person trying to acknowledge a boy gets caught in his lie.

No, I know. She's been met. I forgot the joke already. No, it's okay. To go back to it, I have one of my best friends in the whole world who listens to this show. He told me that I come in too quick after people make their picks. So I've been

trying to listen more as well, where I'm like, just let things simmer a little bit. Don't be so excited to laugh and join in the conversation. Listen, so I'm with you. And then what if we all had that experience coincidentally last night, so nobody's ever really jumping in? Oh no.

I just say my shitty entree and you guys are just silent? I'm going to be even worse and I also wanted to pay attention for the rules I want to make sure I follow along properly we never say them I don't think we've said the rules in six years we talk about the rules

at the beginning well when we leave out we just we never say that you can't pick something that's already been picked but I suppose that's just implied, huh? And also, just so everyone knows, I don't know why I'm paranoid about this. Well, I do know why, because I talk about it a lot. But I also love talking about it. And you picked the dinner party thing.

Atmosphere, overwhelmingly, is what I'm obsessed with. Yeah, I know it. Dinner parties fall under that category. Brother, I know it. That's how this happened. Brother, I know it. That's how this happened. We came to you. It's the best, man. You came to Helium.

I remember one time you were at Helium and I walked in, I was like, who got their hands on this place? Because it just looked, everything was better. And yeah, so that just the atmosphere. We were doing improv one time and you said no,

but you didn't want anyone standing up. And I was like, yes. Everyone had to have a seat. We were doing improv one time, and you said no, but you didn't want anyone standing up. And I was like, yes. Everyone had to have a seat. Are we doing this? All right, we're doing this. I'm not trying to air you out. No, no. No, what I was going to say was I never talk about this stuff.

But when you talked about ambiance in I Am Comic, when I was throwing shows with my friends, I was like, this guy's a fucking genius. We got to turn down the lights. What do we do? You know what I mean? It was like, because you do so many shows with my friends. I was like, you gotta, this guy's a fucking genius. We gotta turn down the lights. What do we do? You know what I mean? It was like, because I, you do so many shows with shitty fucking atmosphere and bad lighting and sound. That was a

huge clip for me. Me too. For some reason, I don't know what it is, but it's like, from talking about it all these years, and it's the same thing like with wet, when you go to a wedding, which would be more like a dinner party, or you go over someone's house. I don't know what it is, but like I have a friend. She comes over here.

She goes, oh, she loves it. She goes, oh, it's always feels so. So I'm not like pushing. People have a right to have the lights bright, but do whatever you want. But if you have a wedding and the lights are bright, no one's dancing. Well, then you have to go. No, I like the weddings. The lights bright.

If someone was how bright you like them. I know that less people dance and I don't care, but no one says that. They just don't get it. Why am I yelling? Because you're right. Let it go. So when it comes to like, she'll come over my house and then

when I go to her house, she'll be like, oh, by the way, do anything you want when you get here because you get it. That always relaxes me because I know I don't have to walk around with it too bright at someone's house all night. But I said, oh, you should turn them down in the kitchen. She goes, oh, no, people are cooking in there. I go, then don't fucking bother me. The kitchen is connected to the living room. Go get a lamp. Put the oven light on. If you know how important it is that every area in your house i don't care if it's the goddamn bathroom lower the lights in there too what do you want people to go

when they go to the bathroom they have to feel like a piece of shit and ugly that's what you provide people and by the way i am stealing a little bit from my act from a while you can steal from your own act. You're doing alright. Not the whole rant, by the way. That would be a little disingenuous. Just the last part about whatever the last line was. Also, how bright do you need

it in the kitchen to be cooking? I'm sorry, I meant to salt the chicken lightly, but I covered it in cottage cheese. It was too dark. Maybe it's like a measurement thing. You don't know what people are doing. By the way, it's universal. My niece, she was having her wedding

and I said, Katie, make sure you get somebody that doesn't need that bright light. They go around, it's called the party room. Wait, you mean like a partner? No, no. When you have a wedding and then they hire a photographer okay and when everyone's dancing and having a good time if it is luckily

dark and then they run over the photographer with that light the spotlight oh yeah because i go why is he afraid to get people dancing in the dark and when the video shows it it'll look like it's dark and people are dancing does not look better than people in the bright light dancing anyway you know people in the bright light dancing looks like shit it's insane it's never i've never seen a picture of people dancing bright and been like oh that's the place i want to go dude it's it's barclothes who gets excited at barclothes when they're like oh thank God all the lights are on. It's so bright in here. Everybody's sexy in the dark. Respect it. What is it, though, that... Never mind. No, no, please. This is the show.

I was going to say, what is it that people... I'll go to a comedy club. Some will keep it. But I'm telling you, even if, forget about it, even if every employee comes in, it's undeniable. It almost melts my heart with the change. And it's already maybe a good club. I'm not talking about bad clubs. And the guy looks good in here. Wow. Looks good in here. And then every single thing. But when I leave, I look, this is I don't this doesn't consume me because I'm not there anymore. I'm lucky that they do it while I'm there. So the person that would hear this, I don't want to be defensive. I want an honest answer. Do you go right to

well, our way is good too? Are you in your own way? Because some of the times clubs, like you just said, they don't look a little better. When I get it all the way I like it, I'm not putting up walls. I'm not brick and mortaring it. It's lighting, mostly lighting. You put little red, like little red, uh, hints or something over the lights in the room,

in the showroom or helium, tiny little red. And I was, it just, the second you walk in, it's not abrasive. Like when you're seating, it's still warm lighting.

So it's not, it's not like gnarly, but just a little hint of red and you just feel more comfortable. It's like you're in a living room. Yeah. And then I switched it to blue years later. That even looks in a room of blue. You're sitting.

Some clubs open an hour before the doors open. So now they're sitting in a blue room with cool music that they didn't hear. You know, eclectic, different music changes the whole goddamn night. They're not feeling self-conscious. You know what I mean? They're loosening up however it is they need to loosen up. I think you get a lot of these managers who are more like numbers people. They just think

they kind of think it's immaterial. They're selling fuzzy navels. It's insane, but you go to a lot of clubs and they kind of don't care how the comedian does. Well, it's more of a restaurant than a lot of clubs and they kind of don't care how the comedian does. Well, it's more of a restaurant in a lot of them. I think me and you are thinking about the same club right now specifically.

And yeah, they don't give a shit. You get paid out. You get paid out and you bomb four sets and they're like, all right, so see you in nine months. And you're like, fuck, I guess, man. Glad to be in the thing that the thing that gives me sanity is that and i do like the vehicle of a comedy club even if it's only 20 of them that are really really really good sure but you know i'll quote

daniel tosh and i've said this before but i love it he goes oh no oh i hate i want to say this but the reason i hate it is because I'm also taking a punch at even the good clubs, the really good clubs, because even those could be. He goes, you know what? Maybe there's an exception with five clubs that don't fall under what I'm about to say. Five. I'll give him that. But

even the good clubs, forget about the bad clubs, just the good clubs, they suck too. And it means that they think they have to build them a certain way you know they like i've said this a billion times they should be more like cool cool jazz clubs and for some reason maybe because that old adage about it looks easy comedy and they don't think it needs the attention because there's got to be a reason it's very interesting that they build them like like when i when i when i was on the road with gaffigan whenever we went into a speakeasy

because we would find them you know to go after the shows even if we were in like bum you know about the middle of nowhere markets and every time we went in he would say the same thing and it fed my soul he'd go so this isn't what a comedy club should look like well people are eating or seating or drinking before the show and of course it is but like every single time he goes are you tired of me saying this i go you kidding me i i think the same thing and he and he said something he goes you know it's funny atmosphere is really fucking cheap yeah and it's just they choose they choose not to do it i think they want you to want to leave when the lights come on. Well, yeah.

There's nothing shittier than in a comedy club after the lights go on. Let's get out of here. You feel like cockroaches sprinting under a fridge at that point. Loud music. I have a rule and I say

I will end my show on time. I ask clubs nicely. I don't bark at them. I just ask them nice. I go, I'll make sure my show on time, but I don't want the get out lights until every single person is out of the room. I don't mind if you politely ask people, but we don't ever turn on the fuck you lights until

every single person is out of the room. Because I just... First of all, it makes the room look worse. Why would you even want to have people? You just like saying fuck you to the staff that's remaining after the show. Then you turn the fuck you lights on. Yeah, right.

The, we could talk about clubs all day. Let's get to our- Yeah, I know. Thank you. Let's get to our plugs where perhaps people can see us at clubs or doing standup comedy anyway. Sean Jordan is here. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean, where can people can see us at clubs or doing stand-up comedy anyway. Sean Jordan is here.

Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean, where can people see you? I'll rip off the dates. The live, the AFE tour, it starts January 11th. I'm very excited. The boy's back on the road.

It's, what did I say, January? January. Holy cow. No, it starts June 11th. It started January 6th, a couple years ago. That's when the AFE tour started. Yeah, well, one of us was there. Anyway, it starts June 11th. It started January 6th, a couple years ago. That's when the AFE tour started. Yeah, well, one of us was there.

Anyway, I digress. So, rip off the dates real quick. Tuesday, June 11th, the Bell House, New York City. June 12th, Underground Arts in Philly. We're coming back to Philly, baby. It's been four years, five years. Come see the show. June 13th, Bell House in New York.

Again, doing a one-two punch. June 14th, Black Cat in D.C. June 15th, Bell House in New York. Again, doing a one-two punch. June 14th, Black Cat in D.C. June 15th, coming up to T-Dot, the Randolph Theater in Toronto. June 16th, Arts of the Armory in Somerville, Mass. Basically, Boston. Get out. June 18th, going to Bottle Rocket Social Hall. First time

in Pittsburgh, PA. I've heard amazing things. June 19th... I'm getting a Pittsburgh hat. I just want everyone to know. I'm getting a Pirates hat. I'm going to wear it. Yeah, I'm going to look like Bill Howard. I'm going to be the anti-Pittsburgh guy. I've been to your town. No, that venue's really good. That venue, last time I was there,

Shane was there. I have had fun in Pittsburgh. I'm going to dress like Terry Bradshaw the whole time. Shave your head? Yeah, I'm going to shave part of it. The Roxy at Mahal's in Cleveland. One of the best I love that venue so much so come out June 19th at Cleveland June 20th going back to Detroit

Rock City at the Magic Bag June 21st going to the Den Theater in Chicago and then closing it out June 22nd the Parkway Theater Minneapolis Minnesota did you guys like how I said Chicago I wanted to go right back to it how did you feel about it that's what I want to know first thought it was okay Chicago I could feel go right back to it. How did you feel about it? That's what I want to know first. I thought it was

okay. Chicago. I can feel you bail halfway through it. I saw Tommy Boy the other night. It was on TV and I was like, should I give it a shot? Chicago. You pulled a fast one on me kid. It's all right. Anyway, it's going to be, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to spend a couple of weeks with my friends and just be out. It's so fun. And

I don't know. We're all, we've all like grown so much in the last five years. It'd be crazy if we hadn't, but we have. It's just going to be fun to go do. The first tour we did was the first time I ever got to do that. To think that we still get to do it, I'm thrilled. I could not be more excited.

I'm very stoked. It's going to be fun. Good guests. Yeah, I'm wildly pumped. Are you excited? Yeah, I'm pretty stoked. It's funny you bring it up. I'm pretty stoked, bud. David and I are going to be in a bad mood. We're going to be in a bad mood the whole time. I would bet my life

savings that I could change that. So go ahead and get in a bad mood for that first day and then I'll switch. I'll switch. I'll turn it around. Are you going to chase us around with a big feather and tickle us? I think he's going to give us hand jobs. Keep pulling us on Yeah. I think he's going to give us hand jobs. Keep pulling us out. Yeah!

Cheer up. I was pissed this tour, but then Sean jerked me off. It's cool, man. I'll just sit in the middle of the band. Get in a better mood, boys. Yeah. You know what? Somerville Mass is actually lovely now.

It's funny that in the massage... It has to do with jerking off, by the way. Don't think I would switch topics. No, don't you dare. In the seedier massage... I shouldn't say seedier massages, but they'll jerk you off because they want to make a buck.

When you spend more money, it's funny that they won't. If you buy a car, he goes, if you buy this car, I'll jerk you off in the back why don't they you know earn your money all right exactly i'd say i'd say excuse me use car salesman you have someone else who could do that part that might help the sale i get it i get it i bought this condo and i get nothing else okay exactly wouldn't make sense at the end you know mr glass thank you for being a diamond medallion member here at delta

you'll notice there's a hot bar uh help yourself to any uh coffee or breakfast delight by the way by the way fuck that when they tell you thank you for being a member give me something free do you ever have that when you're on the plane oh it's like they don't all do it but sometimes they're just like, I just want to let you know, thank you for being a... Now I'm embarrassed next to this guy. You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome.

I wasn't even thinking about it, but this dinner party's got a wild card pick. Oh, yeah. Stop saying bigs. David Borey is here. Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram. Where can people see you? Look to my Instagram. I'm shooting a special

by myself. I'm paying for it. I'm shooting it in DudeIDK Studios in Denver, Colorado. It's a... Make sure you really want to go. It's a little bit of an experiment. So it's a really tiny room.

There's not a lot of tickets. So really think about it. If you want to go, it's going to cost a thousand dollars a ticket. You got to weed out anybody who doesn't sell a couple. I only want my A1s from day ones. No, the room only fits about 60 people and with camera shit. It's going to be tight. It's going to be hot, but it's going to be a lot of fun.

Watch my Instagram for how to purchase tickets for that coming up soon. But I'm really excited about it. It's my favorite hour I've ever had. And I think it's the best hour I've ever done. It's an extraordinarily funny hour. I've seen it. It rules extraordinary. It's an extraordinarily funny hour. I've seen it. It rules. I've heard, without revealing anything, I've heard

some of what you're thinking about and I will tell anybody who is on the fence about a ticket, it's going to be dope. It's definitely going to be... Can't wait to see it. It's going to look different. Dave, where are you shooting it? In Denver at a buddy of mine's studio, it's basically like a little

Storefront I don't want to give away too much but it's gonna It's gonna be in a small room and it's gonna Look and feel like doing comedy In a small tight room It's little I'm embracing it, I don't want to They make you feel like you gotta kill yourself

If your special isn't in a theater with 600 people. And, you know... I don't want to digress too much, but when I did my last time, I did it with 80 people. Now it ended up looking like a lot more, but I wanted it to look small. I still love...

The guy who did it did a great job, and I didn't want to act bummed because he did everything right. But I wanted to show it was small. I didn't want to hide it. That's my whole thing. You I wanted to show it was small. I didn't want to hide it. That's my whole thing. You don't have to do it in an arena with a flamethrower to have a good special. And it can still look stylistically.

But my manager sort of, you know, I could ultimately do what I want, but he had a good idea. And that's why I pulled up in a tour bus because he goes, he said, oh, by the way, he said, you should do it in a big room because then people think you're big. I go, well, how about that? I have a special or something like that. But, but so, but I thought he had a good point.

And that's why we got a tour bus. So it's like, oh, this guy's in a tour bus, which I'm not when I tour by myself, but he's pulling up. So this is a little room for him to do. It gave the allure of this guy's bigger than this little room. But I loved it in the little room. And I would, it was, you're going to, you're going to fucking love it.

You're going to love it. I'm really excited. I like ripping a little room. I don't really love huge rooms. I don't love theaters. And I don't want to feel bad about that. I want it to feel like comedy feels like, for me, where I think I'm the best.

Really hard for me to hear all this, having just shot. I don't have that much money. I just shot my special in the theater. This is just really hard to sit here. It was not that big. I saw it at the Crypto Crypto.com arena. Only about 70 people came, by the way, but it's a big room.

You spread them out. It felt like 40,000 if you really spread them out. Oh, my God. Yeah, I did it during a Clippers game, too. I just got into the sport. Well, yeah, you got to pirate the crowd sometimes. You just renegade. I mean, listen, this is really just because I can only sell 200 tickets at home.

Don't get it twisted. You know what I mean? Man, I'm going to be there, and I'm thrilled oh yeah it's gonna be wild i think it's gonna look really cool um fantastic todd glass the raison d'etre for this set for this episode today i hope i'm using that term correctly at todd glass on twitter at the todd glass show on uh. And what is it on TikTok? You have quite a following on TikTok, and you're extremely funny on there. Well, thank you. I think it's just

Todd Glass on Twitter and Todd Glass on Instagram, and same on threads. But what do... Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I found it during the pandemic and been loving the videos. Just having a great time doing it

there's a guy, his name is Chad Maxwell and he's an influence well, he's an influencer I guess you would say, a sketch guy and he helps me out and it's just great it's been a lot of fun dates, I only have one date right now

because I've been the Netflix is a joke festival on May 12th at the UCB. Mother's Day. Oh, I'm going to be there too. Oh, right, exactly. And then you're going to, wait, say that again.

I'm going to be at that festival, not that date. Oh, I thought. I blew promos. I blew it. He's on your show. He's doing your show. And then a tour

with Gaffigan, but people can go to his site and find out when that is. Now, which Gaffigan is this? Yeah, James? No, his son. It's his son, Jack Gaffigan. Okay, I'm glad we clarified that. Although, you know, he actually did open up the last tour. He opened up all the shows.

Seriously. He's 18 years old. He was funny. Very funny. That's pretty rad. Mostly he just made fun of his dad, which was enjoyable. As would I. It's upsetting. I find it upsetting that an 18-year-old is funny already. I was very serious.

You were probably funny. I was very serious. At 18, are you serious? I talked about the way of the blade. No, not at all. I was a different kind of funny when I was 18. I don't think I think it was funny now, but at the time I thought it was funny. I had some bits.

Is there anything else you'd like to steer people towards? Should I do that now and get it out of the way? Let's do it right now at the top when people are clued in, they're excited, their juices are flowing. For some reason reason it's the thing i decided to say uh yeah get in there put your get it all out all right i'm gonna i'm gonna try to make this as quick as i can to make up for the other digressing i did um so you you sort of know like the best

thing to do is so they'll know what i'm talking about. I almost want them to just go watch the video first and then come back. Pause the podcast and then go. There is a video. It's on YouTube and it's called Todd Glass, the event of a lifetime. And it's a four and a half minute highlight reel. It's everything we sort of talked about. It's like, you know, I have someone playing outside in the street before the show starts, before the doors open. I have a saxophone player outside.

I try to take advantage. I've done it a little bit, you know, as I've toured over the years. Sean mentioned it before. Even back then, Helium, I was changing it. This is just at another absurd level. There's some of the band playing as well. They're being seated, you know, after the show when I can. I have an ice cream truck and some of the band

goes out there. So it's the guts of it. It's a stand-up comedy show. And I've been touring it for a while, backed by a big band. And there's no other way to say it. It's called Todd Glass, The Event of a Lifetime. And it is. I just took it to the next level of going, how can people come out? I know what it's like to crave stand-up comedy because that's what, you know, before I did it, I fell in love with it. And if you're wanting to go out and see stand-up, it's a stand-up comedy show with just a shit ton of production

around it and a band and it's just, it leaves you feeling like almost like a revival. So, here's the closer. I could go do the show in New York for now till eternity, but if I don't have the proper funding to promote it, like when a play opens up, right? So that's what the GoFundMe is for.

We started it. Just go to ToddGlass.com and that'll take you right over to Seed&Spark. So just remember ToddGlass.com. There's a four and a half minute highlight reel. There's a message for me. And everything will be crystal clear more than if I thought I should keep explaining it.

I did the best I can. But if you go over there, I'm telling you, it's well done and it'll excite you. And started the crowdsource to promote it like I said, when a play opens in New York,

not just to have serious budget. And it costs a lot of money. So that's why we started the crowdsource and to shoot a documentary right alongside of it and that's in a nutshell that's phenomenal I mean if you couldn't

tell from everything leading up until this Todd Glass wonderful stand-up comedian extremely funny and then everything around it too just immaculate so this is wonderful I've worked like this year I always cared about stand-up, but this year, I don't know why, maybe

because it's like you realize you can't fuck around. I go on stage every night like I have something to prove. And when this year I toured without the band, because I go, get the stand-up part of your show as tight as it fucking can be. So you're not the problem with the show.

And I've said this a million times. I really believe that the only thing that could go wrong with this show is not having the serious funding that it takes to get it, to launch it. So, you know, blah, blah, blah. And the goal is, I don't,

this is to get my comedian friends to get ready. I don't want to ask my comedian friends for money. I didn't want to do that, of course. But once I have the money through this crowdsource, then I will reach out to some. My goal is to have five people present me, to ask some...

I don't want to say the names because then they'll get nervous. Oh, Todd's manager is going to call us. But like, you know, like some, you know, Sarah Silverman, John Mulaney, you know, Pat Noswald. And those are all comedians, you're saying?

Yes. And Eric Andre, whoever, present Todd Glass, you know. So there's the goal. So thanks for that opportunity to throw people over there. I don't want to make you nervous, but I did just watch a show on Apple TV+. And is there any worry about a president being assassinated at your show because apparently that can't happen i hope it depends what president that well that's where they got lincoln i was watching the show and i'm

like okay well todd he considers every angle but like what if that is where they got him that's where they got lincoln That's a good point. They haven't done My American Cousin again since then. And that's just where I'm like, what if that happens at your show? Then all of a sudden it's like, oh, now that's like the big takeaway. The president got assassinated at the Todd Glass show.

Well, you know, my last, my first special on Comedy Central got aired the day of 9-11. So, you know, you could happen again. And there are those among us who don't think that's a coincidence. Oh. It's Sean. Just to be clear.

It's Sean Jordan is the one who thinks of that. Plandemic over here. It sounds like a wonderful thing. Everyone go over to ToddGlass.com. And by the way, your fans could start a crowdsource and raise $10,000. The band can be named after you for one night. So, you know.

Is that right? Yeah, your crowd, your audience can start a crowdsource to have the band named. What's the name of the show? It's called All Fantasy Everything. Damn it. I should know that. Come on, guys.

Guys, you have a... Hold on, hold on. You have a pivotal... You have a pivotal point. Right now, all three of you can make a decision. One, go, you know what? I've done that. It doesn't even represent his love for us.

I like it. That's why I like you. Of course. Or we can go off like, oh, can you believe Todd Lantz, that piece of shit. No, no,

he comes on our show and this motherfucker doesn't know the name of it. I've never done anything like that ever, ever, ever, ever. You're in the mirror. I think we all just made

a collective choice that that's the breakout for this episode that's embarrassing that's awesome so go ahead and go to christianfinnegan.com check out this show it's going to be great that got me

warmed up now doesn't even feel like it's early get my plugs out of the rail real quick iancarmel at iancarmel.com yeah at iancarmel.com i'm actually going to get that revamped iancarmel on instagram, tiktok all those places, twitter of course

come see me on the road i'm going to be in burlington vermont may 2nd through the 4th at the vermont comedy club at comedy i have never been there before wonderful it's unbelievable they love comedy and everything they do shows it i'm so excited i can't i'm so excited to be in burlington vermont i've never been it's great everything about that place is great that That's one of the clubs that doesn't fall under the category of the five or six clubs

that are great clubs. Also, if you have time, go see the Coat Factory. Go see the first one. Historically, it's just a really good... You know what I mean? It's a hard walkthrough, but it's necessary.

No, it's a lot of burlap. The idea that it's like the Holocaust Memorial Museum. Yeah. Oh man, I had no idea. Yeah, you gotta feel that. I don't know if that's how they made coats. I've got a real one-two punch because the next weekend,

David Borey and I are going to be at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. So just two wonderful clubs back-to-back. May 9th through the 11th. You guys have a good tour coming up. That's another club. I'm not just saying this. It's in that category. It's not an A room.

A rooms can suck. They're in a league of their own. They're A plus rooms. That room is perfect. You can't have a bad time. It's so good. I was there two weeks ago. They don't date it. They do everything right.

Sorry, I keep talking about it. It's so good. Anyway. You should keep talking about it. You know why? Because it shows that comedians will talk about the good clubs just as much as the bad ones. And we do go off on the good ones. Because it's that comedians will talk about the good clubs just as much as the bad ones. And we do go off on the good ones.

And because it's just as exciting, you know. They're wonderful. I can't wait. Pre-order my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. I just got done doing the audiobook version of it. 13 essays about being fat, written from a comedic perspective and sort of a memoir perspective. And then my little sister comes in after every single one of them.

She's a doctor of psychology and she comes at them from sort of a psychological angle about what's going on in each of those. Do you ever call your little sister doctor? I do call her doctor all the time. Dr. Carmel. I gotta start doing that.

What's that like? Feels great. Feels fantastic. I gotta do that. It's weird because? Feels great. It feels fantastic. Sure. Why don't I do that? It's weird because she, you know, is four years old in my head still, but it's like, it's amazing. You know what's funny?

When you said your sister, I right away thought, oh, that's a cute angle. Like his little sister comes in. Not thinking, no, Ian's a grown adult. His little sister is not 12 or 11. Just post spelling errors. Ian used to eat very badly. You stink. June 11th, that comes out.

Pre-orders help so much. There's going to be book events. I'm going to be at Powell's Books on June 8th. I'm going to be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles June 9th. And then there'll be some book events during the AFE tour as well. Come out and check all of that out. And again, pre-orders help so, so much. And then, yeah, come see me this summer on the road opening for Ellen DeGeneres.

You never know where life will lead you enough enough preamble it's time to get to the meat we are here to fantasy draft a dinner party we have broken this up into five categories appet, entree, theme, a musical genre, sort of music that's playing during it, and wild card. Wild card can be anything. Anything. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go.

Todd, you ready? Here we go. Yes, sir. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David ready? Here we go. Yes, sir. Rock, paper, scissor, shoot. Oh, David wins! A paper against two rock. A natural victory. David, as the

winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's like setting up the uh the silverware at a dinner party you just go like you you put your fork out all the way down the whole table and then when you get to the end instead of going all the way back to where you started putting the

forks out you just start over there you put the spoon out on the right and then you go all the way to the left and then you get all the spoons and the forks out and then you got to put the knives down so you got the butter knife but you don't want to go all the way back to the right so you put the butter knife down all the way back to the, and then you got to put the knives down. So you got the butter knife, but you don't want to go all the way back to the right. So you put the butter knife down all the way back to the right, and then you're already on the right. So you put the salad fork down, I think, and then you go all the way to the left

and do that until the table's set. Bing, bang, boom, bang. How did you know that? I don't know if I did. I was guessing, but I think... Sounds great to me. You did good. Confidence is key, baby.

You just got to sell it. It has been years since you were a debutante. It's amazing. You can still hold that in your head. I'm going to have to sell every one of these picks like that. I've never had a dinner party. I was talking to Laura about this. I've never,

I've had people, we've had people over for dinner, but I've never, I've never, I've never had a dinner party. So maybe you've had a dinner party. It's just a little one. You could have,

you could have two people. It sounds so fancy. Like matter of fact, when I say it in my life, I've never said, oh, we're having a dinner party Thursday ever in my life. So it sounds fancy. I would just go, oh, we're having a lot of people over for dinner Friday. So maybe it's that term that's just it. If you have anybody over and you're, you know,

even if you're in college, you can have people over for dinner. I've never done four of these. Like the categories that we people over for dinner. I've never done four of these. Like the categories that we broke it down to, I've never done four of them. It's really just an entree. When I'm like, hey, come on, we're going to have dinner. And it's just the entree. I bet you don't know it. You don't have people over.

This is what I have people over for dinner a lot. Me too. Not a ton. We do, but it's like family. Like we'll have, you know, Robin kate over and the boys it's like a you know it's like ruckus but anyway this isn't what we're here to talk about you don't put you don't put like crackers out well we'll get into it we'll get into it uh yeah basically what it means if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round now david with

that in mind what will the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go Todd, Sean, me, Ian. Todd, Sean, David, Ian. We clean up right after Mickey Mantle over here. What am I doing? By the way, I don't have to remember any of those categories. Just when they come my way, you'll ask me a question

and I'll get it. You can pick one of each. So you can do any order you want'll get it. You can pick one of each. Yeah. So you can do any order you want, but you just have to pick one of each thing. You can pick your entree first, your appetizer first. I'll be keeping track of it over on my side and you're free to ask me, hey, what do I need still to pick from yada, yada, yada. Okay, I'll write it down. And we are going to get to your first pick. But first, we're going to take a very short break.

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dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. We were just, I was in a zoo the other day with a Canaan Todd and there was just some birds. And I was like, why do you think a bird would live in a bad neighborhood? It was funny. You know, my

nephew's friend goes, well, why would any... He was not being mean or anything, but he annoyed me. He goes, well, this is after the show. He goes, hey, I love you. He was very complimentary, but he goes, I was thinking, why would any animal live in a bad neighborhood? I go, alright,

please, leave me alone. Because the flying is the easiest to get out of it. Kids will get to you, man. They're just like, well, a tiger could run out of a bad neighborhood. You're like, that's not the joke, kid. By the way, he's 26 years old, so he should know better. He definitely should know better.

Old jerk. Why would a bird live in a shitty neighborhood? It's the best. Yeah, we don't, like, when we have dinner, you know, when people over, it's... You don't have, like, friends over, though? We've maybe done it, like, three times, but... Oh, really?

I do it, like, once a month. Yeah, I think I know what it is, Sean. I think you have that word still in your head, dinner party. You know, like, I've been to comedy clubs where some of the younger staff will invite you over, especially when I was, you know, like a few years ago. And they get over there.

I think you either care about ambiance or you don't. If you care about it, we went over one of the doorman's house with his girlfriend. They had like 10 staff and I went over there. I was so impressed. Now they lived in a, you know, in a college-y place, but they had Christmas lights and they go, oh, you're going to love it because

they've seen my act and they've seen me talk about it. We got over there and it was like, holy shit. It was like, so I think you have people over. You just don't create an, you don't go out of your way to create an ambience. Like, oh, even if two people are coming over, I think that's what it's about. Not

that you don't do it, but you don't go out of your way to make it like, hey, let's get into this. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. I would like to. And I want to start.

We just got the kid and she's not quite there to get on board with things yet. What about before you had a kid? Well, I didn't have any excuse and I was hoping you wouldn't go back that far. Since you did.

The kid is just an inconvenient excuse. Back then, I was drinking too much. Oh, yeah, drunk people never have dinner parties. You can't have a party if you're hammered. Leave all that in. Yeah, keep it in. Hey, it's Ian from earlier. We're back on the podcast after that break.

We're drafting a dinner party. The categories are music genre or music that's playing during the party, appetizer, entree, theme, and wild card. And Todd Glass has the first pick. You mean I get to pick? Don't, please don't. I sound so funny. Don't yell at me, I was going to say. Because I get a little nervous.

But I'll figure it out. So what was it? Music, appetizer, theme. What else was it? Entree and wild card. The wild card I got. Entree is the main course, right? Yeah, that's right.

Okay, I'll pick music first. Okay. You know, like, course right yeah that's right okay i'll pick music first okay okay um you know like sort of in the big oh i have to just oh i have to make it short so um no you don't have to make it short but you just pick a kind of music now yeah okay music well i would say uh you know different in the beginning and then not one genre all over the place. So people can sort of like later in the night, like almost always feel like they want a silly dance. So you'll have some some music of today and then a disco song and then some weird Irish zing, weird Irish, Irish music that you can't help. But and then how about the gil out of nowhere?

music that you can't help but and then how about the gil out of nowhere and then billy eilish and then and then sturgill simpson to andy frasco just all over the place uh especially you know in in the beginning not in the beginning just you know chill music on to eclectic everything

music so i'm i'm putting like pure eclectic here yeah true grab bag of everything yeah and which which i will count as a genre for sure because that like pure eclectic here. Yeah. A true grab bag of everything. Yeah. And which I will count as a genre for sure because that is... You got to bounce all around. It's so fun just to hear.

You're like, you don't know what's coming up next. Could be Alan Jackson. Do you... Now, do you curate these playlists yourself? Do you go on like Spotify, Apple Music

and like sort of like drag these around? Do you, Todd, ahead of time? Recently, I will go out of my way more, especially when I was doing the podcast. There were always people around that were good at helping me do that shit. But even

15 years ago, I guess I would just keep changing it all night long. Even back to when there were CDs, I'd put in one CD, and then I'd take it out and put it in another. And then I got two CD players, and I was my own little half-ass DJ, just so it would medley in from one to the other. Well, and now it's so like, I will do this when we're having dinner. I will like control the

Spotify. Cause I like, we just have it hooked up to the speaker in the kitchen. So that I always do. Cause a couple of things that I'm not a big listen to people eat fan. So the whole silverware clinking and chewing, like I'm just not, I just don't, I'd rather have eat fan. So the whole silverware clinking and chewing, like I'm just not, I just don't, I'd rather have something else. So I'll play music the whole time. I will do that.

And it's always all over the place. You don't like the loud smacking of chewing. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. And you know, you know what I mean? And then,

but like the clinking of the four, all that stuff, it's no one's fault. It's just like, I, ah, it's not my thing. Or like a big gulp. I don't like a big gulp, you know.

Oh, you know, you don't like a big gulp. I mean, I like a big gulp. You don't want 44 ounces of Mountain Dew Livewire? That's not what you're into? I like a big gulp. I just don't like a big gulp. So, you know,

however you want to say it. The gulp of Mexico. Come on. Come on. Riffs, baby. Come on. Get in on that one. Get in on that one with me. Come on. Don't get me out here to cry. Come on.

You're talking about Shane Torres, right? Yeah, the big gulp. right the Gulf of Mexico come on I can rarely you want to hear something about those I can rarely think of them and I'm so jealous no we don't I'll tell you

I won't take no for an answer I can never think of those and I'm jealous of anybody else an answer um i can never think of those and i'm jealous of anybody else that can because i i can never think of those what are they called they're they uh puns you can never think of shitty jokes oh yeah well no you know what the reason my act is not great sometimes they're very funny yeah they're like anything like they can be shitty but sometimes i used to i used to say i hate puns but i realized i hate bad puns yeah but when somebody comes up with a good pun it's it's the best you know they gotta they gotta

be put the right like i because i know what you say not trying to like share it but like what sometimes when a when a stand-up act is like all puns or something you're like what are we doing but they can be funny, you know, if they're in the right little joking area, it's fine. Hard to do more than five minutes of a pun stand-up comedian. Yeah, I agree. Five is generous.

I agree. We should have a contest, see what the longest set you can do with puns. I don't want to do that. I don't. Longest set you can do with puns. I don't want to do that. I don't. It took me a long time

to get it to where I like to do it. I don't want to. You don't want to go wreck it on May 18th and be like, come see an hour's worth of puns in a small studio. Did you see David's new hour? Like his last hour was great. Did you see the new one?

Oh, that's great I'm sitting here trying to think of one right now also the title of my special is going to be a pun and that's all I can do punzalooza? yes pun intended punzalooza? Rapunzel?

let down your flair that was a reddit joke yeah was it? no I mean cause they have flair. That was a Reddit joke. Yeah. Was it? No, I mean because they have flair on Reddit. Oh, yeah, that's right. I meant to say that and that's why. I hate this riff.

My part of it. Biggest pun? And it's like a big pun album, but it's, you know, you're doing the biggest puns. All right, Isaac, cut all that out. Let's leave that. Isaac stepped away. Our producer

stepped away. He's not even here. So this is the Wild Wild West. We can say anything right now. I hope he's having fun. I hope he's having fun wherever he's at. We need to move on. Sean, it's time for your first pick. Oh, man, I'm not excited about that come on

I am excited about it I'm gonna pick music too I'll go music and I'm gonna go with Yacht Rock okay I can see that that makes sense some like mellow what are you just texting us about Steely Dan?

Oh yeah. Yes. Yeah. They sampled. Okay. They sampled the Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn sampled Steely Dan. I had no idea. So I heard I had Steely Dan on during dinner and I was like, and I was like, how did Lord

Tariq and Peter Gunn get into this mix? And so I looked and it said Black Cow by Steely Dan. I texted Ian immediately or the group thread or whatever. But then I tried to explain to my father-in-law what song sampled that. And you know when someone

just looks at you like... Yeah. And I love, I play it next. And I love sex. If you like this. Yeah. You wait till Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz

get their hands on this beat. You're going to want to join the military again. Todd, if you're sitting there or if anyone out there listening is wondering what the fuck we're talking about, there's this rap group, Lord Tariq and Peter Guns, who like in the late 90s sampled Black Cow by Steely Dan. That. And then rapped over it. And they were they shot a video in shea stadium wearing full leather it was awesome it did and the song and now one of them is the host of cheaters oh really yeah peter

guns is the host of cheaters does he still go by peter guns yes no he goes by roger lodge now peter gunsington Peter Gunzington he eats his real man he had to church it up kids are real so like for Yacht Rock I had like my ideas of it but when I looked it up I was like whoa there's a lot of people

that I like loosely qualify but I'm thinking like your Holland Oats your Loggins your Loggins and Messina although less Messina more Loggins your Michael McDonald

your Toto your Don Henley your Billy Joel's your Billy Ocean's that kind of not dominating, obviously, but you can hear it if you're like, is that Caribbean Queen? Or like, you know, is that

Make My Dreams Come True? It's good. What about your boy? Who's your boy? I can't play down on his name right now. I got a thick crew. I'm talking about your boy. My boy. It's not K-Lo? Oh, Steve Wynwood, baby! Steve Wynwood! Top five white Protestant male vocalist, God-fearing, red-blooded Americans? Oh, Steve Wynwood, baby! Steve Wynwood! Top five

white Protestant male vocalist, God-fearing, red-blooded Americans. Yeah, Steve Wynwood. That guy knows his way around a song. He's definitely, he might even be at the dinner party. You might get a live song. Is he a yachtsman? He is, doesn't he? He's gotta be. At times? Yeah, well, I mean, so

Steve Wynwood, you're probably not gonna get Spencer Davis group in Yacht Rock, but you'll get like valerie and higher and stuff that'll be yeah yeah yeah i think steve counts so yeah just yacht rock playing in the back nice first pick went over well let's go that's a good vibe that's a good vibe david boy time for your first pick uh i'm going theme i want this to be said that this is a party in my head like a month from now. I love that. Okay. So it's like we're talking right around my birthday, early May vibes.

It's warm out but not hot yet. You understand what I'm saying? And I was thinking about it because, like, I don't love theme parties. They get on my nerves sometimes. So it's like I want it to be an all-encompassing kind of thing and then you bring what you want to the table but it could be it can have a lot within it i'm taking just linen just one linen garment any color but it's gonna be light it's gonna be airy this whole thing's gonna be breezy i don't want you to listen i love a heavy i love a flannel party as much as the next

guy that's not what this is this is a easy breezy doors open you can smell the ocean party yeah yeah linen any wow good job thank you i mean i agree that was it's classy but it's not uncomfortable you know and there's a lot to it you can like you can go a lot of directions with it you can go a lot of different ways with like because it's like you ever been to like a color party like you ever been to a white party and you're like this is intense yeah you know what i mean yeah this is everybody's too excited to be in all white or like a fucking foam party or some shit. I know this girl in San Francisco who only wore red. And then sometimes she would have parties where everybody was supposed to wear red.

And it was like, I feel like I want to fight every, you know, it's just too much. Yeah, it's that active color. I don't think I've ever had linen on my body. That can't be true. I don't. Can it? I mean, I don't. Well, here's the goal for tour.

Don't threaten me with it. So all red linen? If I hear what you're saying right, you want me to wear all red linen the whole time? All red linen. You're just saying that stresses me out you just look like suge knight retired yeah i mean i'm still gonna kill people but i'm on my time you know i'm just gonna do it all red lidded yikes but yeah no that's fantastic dude on the amalfi everybody on a thread somebody's gonna have a weird hat you know what i mean yeah

absolutely it's just a lovely but it's a lovely vibe and like here's the thing i think people because we talk about linen quite a bit you and i did it comes up it comes up it comes up you guys don't have a private linen thread do you oh there's another punch for you you have a linen thread that you're not including me on don on? Don't worry about what we talk about. There's various subreddits swirling. Don't worry about what happens on the clothesline, baby. Yeah, you don't got it. Man, who put all

the gas in the tank today? People, linen, like, in my opinion, it doesn't have to mean just, it doesn't have to mean just it doesn't have to be you don't have to look at the tag and see 100 pure linen it's a vibe it's a mood around clothes it's a light breezy comfortable flow flowy that's exactly what i want this to be flowy i love that watch your mouth That's the oldest running joke I've done Since probably high school

I have a few but you just wait Until anybody says anything that could Slightly be Especially if you're at a Chinese restaurant When they're really ordering things off the menu You go hey whoa whoa whoa You can't say that anymore Come on be cool dude Especially if you're at a Chinese restaurant when they're really ordering things off the menu. You go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't say that anymore.

Come on. Be cool, dude. Be cool. Things have changed. Yeah, come on. Yeah, what is this? Your dad ordering Chinese food? Yeah. Come on.

This is why everybody talks about you. That's another one. I'm going to go theme. Okay. Tell me if this is too thematically similar to yours but this is an actual party i had last summer and i loved it it's we just got back from a trip to the mediterranean and we've been inspired come on over i mean i think that we're building similar cakes most likely there's similar cakes there's involved, but it's not the it's it's it is a party completely informed by, oh, we had this kind of wine, you know, in Tuscany.

Oh, we like had this kind of dish in, you know, when we were like on the Amalfi Coast kind of thing. And we want to do an entire dinner party kind of inspired by that feeling. No, I think it's I think I am. I think that we're going to butter. And also you have people dressed in traditional Castellan. It's Venetian boat shoes. It's a little striped shirt. They have to hold a pole.

It's the whole thing. All my clothing is going to be held up by physics. It's not going to be any buckles or anything. It's just going to be weird knots and things. Absolutely. I have a feeling, though, we're racing towards the same party, so this is going to be exciting. That's okay, right?

I think it's fine. By the way, Ian, I think a lot of people, or maybe just me, when they hear theme, they think there's got to be a theme that people do necessarily. It could be just a theme of the party, right? Just a theme of the party. It doesn't have to be like, hey, everybody wear a gorilla mask. You know, like, it doesn't have to be something like, no, it's just like a, it's an overall, it's in your head when you're planning this dinner party. Right.

It could be that. I got it. I got it. I got. It could be that. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I didn't even think about that. I could have had like a point break theme where everybody had to dress like a president.

In my head, it is the party planner central thesis when they're putting everything together. Right. And mine is, we just got back from a trip to the Mediterranean. Come on over. And to accompany that, I'm going with music or am I? nope I'm not I have to go appetizer

because this is something that could go with my appetizer I'm doing and you can do this in a specially built oven you can often do this on a barbecue you can do this in your own oven I. You can often do this on a barbecue. You can do this in your own oven. I did it on my big green egg that I have in the backyard.

Quick little pizzas that you just throw in, and then they come out. That's fun. So we made our own pizza dough. Well, like four inches or something? Just little. No, they're probably around like eight inch pizzas. So you make the dough, and then you like make the dough and then you spread it out and then you have like a bunch of different like ingredients and people can be like

and so it's set up in the backyard and people are like oh throw some of that kind of cheese on there throw a little bit of this like kind of meat on there like whatever and then you throw it on eight minutes later it comes out it's done it's crispy it's hot you like cut it into like six pieces and then you just like pass that out to the party goers there i love that also barbecue pizza is so underutilized it's like so under you making pizza on a grill is such a fun little that i like that it's a good time all you need so i got like a little pizza steel that i put in there and you get it just like as hot as you can. And then it comes out crispy. It's great.

And people can get involved, you know, like sometimes if you cook during a party, you will kettle yourself off from that party. And you're like hyper focused on the job at hand. I haven't seen Ian. It's because he's in there making borscht or whatever. Exactly. Carmel's over his b his Porsche barrel in the kitchen. I tried to say hi. He's fucking sweating.

God of a dick. I'll talk to you after the Porsche is done. You got to act like you're in the Porsche vibe. It's not a rich man's food. Help or leave. It's like the fucking bear in that kitchen, dude. He said yes, Jeff, to me. I don't know what's going on.

Worst is the worst. But if you're making these pizzas in the backyard, people get involved. They're interested. And it doesn't take long. You put it in. You close it. You go. You talk to people.

You say, hey, pardon me, and you come in, and then when you come back to the conversation, you've got a brand new pizza. It's just kind of a fun thing, and it fits the overall theme. When you're rolling that dough, is that the same rolling pin that Dana beat the shit out of you with? That's goddamn right, yeah. Chases me around

the kitchen. Why, I know! One of these days, Ian, right to the kitchen. Why? Why not? One of these days, Ian, right to the moon. I don't know why you're... I don't know why Dana talks like Ralph Cramden in this fucking bit.

Because he got intimidated. I go to a bar. It's called The Office. That way, when my wife asks me where I've been all night, I say, darling, I've been at The Office. You never fail.

You know, speaking of Ralph Cramden, okay, people are going to go, oh, speaking of Ralph Granted, people are going to go, I'm really going woke, going that far back to criticize. But the more the years pass with that show, I don't see, I haven't seen it in years because I don't, you know, like a lot of us don't have traditional TV.

But when it did, you know, when it was still on reruns and stuff, the more that phrase is even in our head, you think, one of these days what? Right to the moon. He was going to punch her to the moon. He was going to hit her, right? Yeah, that was the whole thing. Hard, hard. That was comedy

in those days. That's so funny, though. One of these days, I'm going to, well, I'm not going to say it because it comes off cruel, but between me and you, I'm going to punch you one of these days. Yeah. Yeah.

One of these days, I can't say it because Dr. Pepper endorses this program. It is sort of creepy in a way. That's not in a way. Now these days with woke, it would have to be one of these days to the moon because you're a woman in STEM, you know? Yeah. One of these days I'm going to get in my spaceship sponsored by Better Health. And my mood's going to be right to the moon.

We've got couple therapy on Thursday and I'm going to drag you through hell. Oh, he did. So little pizzas little pizzas for me David time for your second pick man this is I think that like I said we are right around the same thing so I gotta take entree cause I think you could get it

I'm taking paella no I wasn't but I really like where your head's at. Man, fucking, when me and my girl, we went to Miami, and we went out to Miami Beach one night, and we had paella at this little Cuban restaurant. It was just like, it's just like, that's how I want to feel always. Not too light, but enough going on that it feels like a it feels like an appetizer but you're not going to be slogged down you're not going to get the meat sweats i love seafood

anyway so we got a bunch of different types of seafood in there but you still want to dance you still want to dance you're still you're still you're not hungry but you're curious about what to dinner what's for dessert like oh i'll i'll peck at that because you didn't just cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the perfect it's flavored so well. It makes the whole party smell like paella. I want there to be an entree that when it comes out for a second,

that's the room. The room is paella. For however long we're eating the entree. And I really love that feeling. I think it's, I'm a worldly fellow and I have my finger on the pulse of the equator so I know a lot of stuff. But for those listeners who don't know exactly

what paella is, maybe It's a pie. It's a meat pie. Paella! Yay! Paella! Paella! Paella! Paella!

Paella! Paella! I like that we get mirrored, mirrored Todd every now and again. Is it really a meat pie? No, no, no, no, you,

I mean, for the listeners, I'm trying to clear it up for the listeners who think it's a meat pie. All of our listeners know what pie is. I listened to the show and I don just saying for the listeners. I'm trying to clear it up for the listeners who think it's a meat pie. All of our listeners know what paella is. I listen to the show and I don't know what it is. I think I do, but I don't either. It's Spanish. It's like rice, a lot of saffron, vegetables, and then like a bunch of seafood.

So it'll have like mussels, shrimp, calamari can be in there Scallops, peas are in there, like little vegetables. It's almost like a jambalaya, kind of, I think is a fair approximation. I think you're right. Saffrony, it's like very spiced in a beautiful way. And it smells amazing. It's also great for a dinner party because it's an inherently communal dish. They cook it in such a big thing. It's hard to get

paella for one, for example. I mean, I did it. Ain't too hard if you do it, baby. Ain't nothing too to do it. All that was left was the shrimp heads. It's on paella for one. Oh, and that was to just a message to all the future paella. It comes out, but they cook it, especially

in Spain. They'll cook it in huge, sometimes big paella pans, right? Right, right, right. Yeah, like big shallow ones. That's a great pick. I hate it when you go to a party or something like that, and it's too heavy.

Yeah. It's like, I'll have steak out for dinner with one person. I'm not trying to cram a steak when I'm with 30 of my closest friends. Yeah. And now I'm bogged down afterwards, and I'm like, why did I do this? Hopefully, I'm not saying a pick here but i did a dinner party where like i made a lasagna and that was it was like it wasn't like a nice light it was like a pretty heavy delicious but that's like it's it's it's a period it's a

period we're not doing anything else that my wife made a beautiful dessert and like no one could touch it because it was everyone was just laden with ricotta. You know, a friend of mine, I had my mom's 70th birthday at their restaurant. There's a room and he started pulling appetizers. And me and my brother politely said, hey, Paul,

you can leave those out. People are still eating. He goes, yeah, they'll keep eating. You don't want people not to be starving, but you do want them to be hungry. So just because you have to sometimes not put too much out when it comes to appetizers and at a certain point, maybe even pull it. Yeah.

And then people will be, maybe you're serving dinner in a half an hour, just pull the appetizers. Come on. My mom did it one year. She served so many appetizers that we we all remember it was the year nobody ate thanksgiving dinner yeah because she made like hot dogs in the blind every piece of shit appetizer she made because the thing about

appetizers is like i just got here i'm excited i'm gonna try them all you ever been to like a party where they have like where people are walking around with the appetizers and you're like everything or you're like this guy's funny everything he brings me I'm cramming it two of them cause I'm not tipping so hopefully it makes them feel better right

send them back with empty trays so the kitchen makes this guy's got it give me three come on let's go you want to amuse the boosh empty trays to the kitchen. Hey, my guy, give me three. Come on, Aranzini, let's go. You want to amuse the boosh. You only want to amuse it. You don't want to, like,

amuse the boosh. Pulling the appetizers, man, that's like playing Mahjong. I never would have thought that far ahead. Much like in life, you got to practice the pullout method. Yeah, dude. Don't want to stay at the old leave it in hey Sean

gross not quite Sean Jordan yeah it was it was a gross one but it was leave it in yeah leave it it is a pun yeah Sian time for your second pick you old so and so man all right

we're here in Yacht Rock and then what happens I want to go You old so-and-so. Man, all right. We're here in Yacht Rock, and then what happens? I want to go... This makes me sound like such a scumbag. My appetizer, I want... Can't even look at you guys. I want pretzel bites with assorted dips. That's great! That's fun!

Is that all right? I like it when you have a little boat. I get the boat. I get my stuff in there. I'm a sauce guy. You know, I'm a big condiment person and big, like thick pretzel bites with just a bunch of

dips, you know. If you think I'm going to let you out of here without painting the palette of the dip game. Yeah, come on. You gotta give it up. I up and think about it man come on man how many can i have about all right we'll have it's your party it's your party big bowls uh we'll have obviously nacho cheese we'll have a spicy so i want nacho cheese and then like a spicy queso and then cool it off i'm not huge huge on ranch, so I'm not going to have ranch in there. I'll have a big blue cheese,

and then maybe like a teriyaki, a big teriyaki dip. Let's go four. You could even do hummus if you wanted to. You could. Yeah, I mean... I'm not saying you should. If you'll let me, man.

We'll make a smiley face with the dips. They'll all be the five bowls, the five dips, and then, you know... Like a jalapeno hummus even in there just like a little spicy situation I was trying to think of all people like that when the entree comes around too I was trying to think of something that anybody could get down on

like dietary you know vegetarian, vegan, all that stuff so I think pretzel bites falls into vegan my prick is it vegan? I don't know i don't know the rules sorry if the vegans are going to come at me i apologize let me know how to make pretzel bites vegan and those are the ones i'm talking about but it's gotta be a way big pretzel bites

you got a little box of toothpicks no one has to get their mitts on them you know just you know and uh yeah yeah just pretzel bites with a bunch of dips peg blasting in the background absolutely oh yeah for crossing some pretzel bites with a bunch of dips. Peg blasting in the background? Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Christopher Cross on some pretzel bites. Come on. Yes.

All right. Oh, shit. I got to go again, don't I? No, no. Time for Todd. Todd, second and third picks. Woo. I know it takes a while when you're first.

No, no, no. I mean, like, everything you guys have said has altered sort of me a little. Like, I, some of my go-tos, I do try to think of, not think of, absolutely include vegans or, you know, whatever it is. I try to.

But some of my old tricks don't always do it. So I'm looking through here going, hmm. So I'll go with my old, so I'll go with the theme. Okay. Here we go. Theme.

So theme, I agree with Dave. I definitely think there's been probably great theme parties where you have to wear a sweater. But for me, it always stresses me out. It's like, oh, I want to look good. I don't want to wear an ugly sweater. I feel like I look ugly enough all by myself when I'm at my best. I don't want to wear clothing that would make me look like, oh, that guy is not attractive and he doesn't have style.

So that always stresses me out. So I'll go with like the theme of the night. I always go, you know, the first time I went to a resort, I saw torches. And I remember going, oh, my God, I could buy those at Home Depot and put three in your yard. Candles are great. Candles are great. But three torches? Three torches in a yard or anywhere. It goes, holy shit. It's like, so I'll go, what I said, what did I say?

Beam. No. Like when you're out at a... What did I say? Theme. Bull. No. Like. When you're out at a. Like a tiki. Like a tiki. Like a tiki backyard kind of. I just said the word a minute ago.

And now I can't think of it. A resort. Like when you're in a resort. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. For some reason, they always get it. And that just means dark. And it sounds like it could be depressing.

I don't think it is. Black tablecloths. Matter of fact, if I had a wedding, I would want it to be this theme. Black is like a jazz club. It's white is, but white's great if you want it. I don't want to insult anybody. But it would be like, yeah, a resort slash jazz club. That's usually always the theme of all my nights, which is just everything's really dark.

Very, very dark. Mellow. And the music gets more exciting as the night goes on. In the beginning, I'd like people to be able to talk and be able to. That's all they want to do is talk. So I like to make it easy for people to talk with cool music in the background, but

then later in the night, crank it up. But yeah, resort slash jazz club for the theme. We were just talking about this not that long ago, because we were in Phoenix a few weeks ago or a month, whatever. And I But yeah, resort slash jazz club for the theme. That and we've gone, we were just talking about this not that long ago because we were in Phoenix a few weeks ago or a month, whatever. And I drug us to a bar that you could not hear. Somebody could be screaming in your ear

and you couldn't hear it. Who is clamoring for that? If you're sitting, like if it's a dance club. It was also dubstep. I know. If you're at the club or whatever, like if the point is to dance and feel

bodies, then sure, loud music. But if you're trying to sit and talk even a little bit, I'll never understand why it has to be so loud. You're 100% right. It was also 1.30 in the morning, which was partially loud. I still don't understand. They didn't want us there. I think they were trying to clear us out.

I bet it was that loud all night. They had that vibe. Todd, what were you going to say? No, I agree with you, and I don't think it's well. Maybe some people like it like that, because if it was that, I wouldn't be saying this. Neither would you. You wouldn't go to a... I think it's just

something that's done wrong all the time, and I bet if you said to everyone, if the music got lowered, people would be like... would masses in there would like it and comedy festivals do it a lot my Gary Goldman pointed it out he goes whenever they have the party they try

to make it like like a bad New York or experience like you know with this you know music that's techno and even if you like that music even if you do it has nothing to do with liking that music or not. It has to do with right now I want to talk. But they always try to do that.

And they go, all comedians want to do, all they fucking want to do is talk and do bits. And you're playing music that is not as interesting. What they could do is if you lowered it. Now, it's different if you have an area where they are playing music. If people want to go over there and dance and it's dark, that's different if you have an area where they are playing music if people want to go over there and dance and it's dark that's different the improv I give them credit

for their 50th anniversary I gave them credit for that it was just all cool music everywhere but you could talk and have a good vibe in the background it doesn't mean you have to have boring shitty music in the background it's just music that's easy to talk over and still has a good feel.

That's goddamn right. Goddamn right, you pieces of shit. Motherfuckers. Motherfuckers, you shut the fuck up. I'm coming at you right now. You fucking pile of shit. Back to back, baby. And your third pick okay please forgive me because

like I said some of my goat this has to do with the entree um you don't have to make it vegan friendly by the way no I do I'm not no no no I can't be if everything goes uh the way I'm hoping in real life I do I don't mind I check with everybody I don't be if everything goes the way I'm hoping. In real life, I do.

I don't mind. I check with everybody. I don't mind. But I would say one of my old tricks before I thought of that. Well, let me, can I just say this? I would always have a salad. And I don't mean a salad. The reason I do some appetizers room temperature,

because someone said, if you're already having trouble putting together a meal, my friend's mom gave me this advice years ago. Serve some things at a room temperature. Like, you know, it doesn't mean they have to be cold. They're just the salad you can make before they get there. You're not sweating. Don't make garlic bread.

Because if you're stressed out already, it's one more thing you got to go over and take out of the oven. Put just fresh doughy bread right on the table. The salad can go on the table. And when I make a salad, it's got so much stuff in it, not unhealthy, but like just a ton of stuff. The only way you can really enjoy a salad. So if you are a vegan or if you are, I'll make sure that. And so, but my trick, my final answer for the entrees, as much as I like these, you know, having people over for dinner, answer for the entrees. As much as I like having people over for dinner, I'm not really a good cook and I don't have patience. I can't do things as people are coming in. Some people can, and I

always think that's cool. Your pizza idea, I was like, that's such a good idea. But I would just start sweating because I had something to do, unless I gave a friend it. So I would just buy things and I know how to present them. So my go-to, especially when having sometimes 15, 20 people over for a big dinner, I would buy meat, I'm being honest here, I would buy meatloaves at Vaughn's or Whole Foods, turkey meatloaves,

and I'd buy like six or seven of them, put them on a cookie sheet, and then put really good mozzarella cheese on the top, and then bake them. Oh, wow! I did not see that coming. Everybody loves it. There's an old trick to on top of that, you put

ketchup, which is a because you think ketchup, isn't that a shitty meatloaf? It's the sweetness. It's the savory meatloaf. It's really some good chef's trick. You make the most delicious meatloaf and then you drizzle ketchup and then on, but I don't always do that if I put cheese.

But anyway, that's the thing that I do. Pull it out of the oven. They're all on there. They're done. Usually everybody really, really likes them. And nowadays, I guess I could do maybe two or three vegan meatloaves with cheese on them, vegan cheese.

So that's not that hard to actually, you know, do both. Meatloaf is so underrated. It's so good. I think it's because it's like one of those good. It's like a Bart Simpson. Oh, meatloaf. It's that kind of thing.

So when you're a kid, you think it's not dope, but it's so dope. I grew up eating meatloaf, casseroles, like all that kind of stuff. And I can't tell you the last time I've encountered a casserole in my adult life. Even the word.

Bring your ass over to Kelly Jordan's house, Playboy. She'll make you a casserole. My mom would make a casserole, but you can't because you can make them, put them in the fridge or the freezer, and then pop them out, pop them in the oven. They're great for a busy single mom on the go, but I don't make fucking casseroles at home. I would be overjoyed

to go to a dinner party and they were like, we're having meatloaf. We're having a cheesy turkey casserole. I would love it. Yeah, you don't got to think about it. You don't got to go through the Rolodex and be like, am I into that? You're just like, oh, meatloaf. Yeah. These Gen Z kids don't make stroganoff. Get them. Get them. They don't make stroganoff.

Oh, man. What did TikTok about? Homemade stroganoff, though, with good beef and shit, like in the pressure Oh, man. Homemade Stroganoff, though, with like good beef and shit, like in the pressure cooker, however you make it. Oh, dog. Throw me some goulash. That shit goes crazy. That shit goes crazy.

Unparalleled. Meatloaf is a great pick, Todd. It really is. It was a much less descriptive version of it was on my list. Just one word, meatloaf. I promise I'll make this quick. My other go-to was sort of doing the same thing with rotisserie chickens.

Like, you know, just getting low. Getting on a big, biggest, biggest tray as I can get. Maybe breaking them up, not taking the bones out, but breaking them up. And then maybe, you know, just putting maybe a little, like even if it's a jar of your favorite marinara sauce, just sprinkle it on top. And then, you know, just, I'm not sprinkle it on top. I used to have a joke.

I go, if you really know how to cook, then you should not go to Vaughn's. You should enjoy making it fresh. I admire people that do that. I really do. But I'm not that. I'm not that. So I always say, look, Vaughn's or Whole Foods, they know how to make meatloaves better than I do. That's all they do every goddamn day. So if you're going to get it, go there. You're not going to

make it better than they can. Can I tell you my dirty little secret about the pizza thing? No, I thought you were going to stop a dirty little secret. I don't do that. I never did. I lied about it to impress all of you. No, I know. I really didn't do it. But I think I get like a kind of social anxiety at the beginning of a big party where having like a thing I can do helps me with that. I know what you mean. It's a small talk. Everybody coming in and you have to, you gotta be interested in what's been going on.

It's easier to have a little burger to flip or something. And if I can be like, Hey, I got to go run and check on X, Y, Z. It gives me kind of an out when I hit that wall. Yeah. you figured it out yeah it's great yeah that's perfect i i like that too it's it's hard to entertain everyone yeah it's a lot easier to like that's why i like working the grill it's like that's way more fun you talk to everybody because everybody needs a burger or a dog or whatever you're doing but then you don't have to like listen to so-and-so's new project. Yeah, you don't have to be like fully. You know what I mean?

It's like, oh, where did you really? You're into fucking birdwatching now. That's cool, man. It's like a guy you don't like. You know, you're older. You got to be like, you have to maintain those friends. You haven't seen someone in a year or something. I do want to know. I am. I do want to know what in a year or something. I do want to know.

I do want to know what you've been doing, but I barely want to know. Yeah, I'm 50. I want to know in passing. Yeah. I want to know while you tell me what you want on your pizza. Scrub J's, huh?

Oh, yeah. We got them in my yard sometimes. Sure, sure. Oh, Ethereum? Yeah, no, crypto's crazy. My friend used to say not he didn't really do it, but a good way to do it. Troy Conrad used

to say this. You just always act like you're on your phone and you're I'm on hold with AT&T. Anyway, how have you been? Anyway, because I've been on hold forever. Give it to me. And then a minute in you go and then you just walk away. Sorry. Sorry. big long distance Bill

I think that's socially better than icebreakers is conversation levers that's what we need to work on ice makers I'm okay I don't prop myself up but I'm okay at just kind of being like well dope it's good to see you

and just I can stop it right in the middle I don't feel rude i've been to a party with you you really can work yeah you like i invest like that's the thing you be invested for you be there like you talk for two minutes or whatever pay attention but then be like all right well i'm gonna i'm gonna go over here and holler jason real quick it's good seeing you or whatever it's none of that like passive looking around but you've been talking for 20 minutes it's like very focused for a short amount of time yeah i'm the opposite i gotta hold the beach do it like i hunker down here yeah this is the line in the sand i will not cross you come to me this party you know the other the other thing i'll do same sort of thing like being nervous even being nervous i'm putting myself upon somebody.

I realized I do this only in hindsight over the years. Like when I go to a party, I will take a place like, you know, not closed in that doesn't invite other people, the exact opposite. So if somebody comes over and talks to me, I know that I didn't maybe, Hey, maybe they don't like me. I'd like to think everybody likes me, but I'm sure there's some people that go, I know he's a good guy, but you know, so, so, so if I'm just sitting there and they come to me, I know anyone I'm talking to and engaging with it, we're both happy to do it. You know, at least I'm happy to do it. Maybe, maybe who, yeah. Anyway, forget everything I say.

Can you edit this out and edit it out and then put it back in. Edit everything else out. Yeah. And then put it back in. Edit everything else out. And then put it back in. Leave in the part where Todd said, watch your fucking mouth and then all that stuff. No, but so Ian, like a year or whatever, last time I was in LA, Ian had a barbecue and there was like the

fire pit and if you could score a chair around the fire pit, you could just be there and like exactly that. People could come talk to you and... What? Are you doing a bit right now? She's knocking me out the window. You get an actual seat around

the fire pit and it's just so nice because then someone sits next to you and you know exactly. Parties are all about prime real estate. Yep. Having a seat rules. Plus, the party's the main event. It's okay to zone out and look at the, or the fire, I mean, rather. Yeah.

The main event right now is your third pick. Having real quick, having something else to look at that's not a phone or a TV, like the fire pit, for example. It might come up later. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. It might come up later. So, entree, I'm going baked potato bar. It's simple. Oh, what?

You know, do whatever you want. No one's... Again, it's going into what would I do for real? What am I capable of? I can't do much, but I can poke some holes in potatoes and put them in the oven. Then I can make the bacon, whatever.

You do whatever you want to it. You could have weird shit. Blue cheese crumbles. Who knows? You could cook up some You do whatever you want to it. You could have weird shit. Blue cheese crumbles. You could cook up some ground beef if you want. You could get chocolate chips, maybe. Sean, I'll give you a little, and this is going to sound fancier than it is, but it has to do

with you might even steal this idea. It's not as fancy as it sounds. You can buy those cheap, cheap chafing dishes. You know what I mean? But you know what they are. They keep food warm, but it doesn't dry it out. You can buy those cheap, cheap chafing dishes. You know what I mean? But you know what they are. They keep food warm, but it doesn't dry it out. You can buy them anywhere. You can buy throwaway ones. But then you can put 20 baked potatoes if you got two of them

and just have them out even. They stay warm all night long. You don't have to worry about pulling them out from the oven. If people come at 8 o'clock and they want one, they can have one also at 11. And because of the way a chafing dish is, you put water in there, so it's steam that's keeping it warm, so they never get dried out. That's why it's a chafing dish.

And you can have all your potatoes out and then all your toppings everywhere. And all night long, there's a hot potato waiting for you. You walk over and put whatever you want on it. Yeah, and maybe some of this stuff can be, you can pick at it even after the potatoes are gone. You still pick at the bacon a little bit. If you want some jalapenos or some pickles or whatever. I don't know if people are putting pickles on a potato, but they could be there.

Anyway. You could put pickles in a potato? I don't know if people are putting pickles in it. That was the most Midwest you've ever got on this podcast. Yeah, I mean. It's stiff competition, too.

I don't know if we're talking about the coastal folks at my Midwestern potato party, if you want to put pickles on it. That's a real Midwestern potato party, you know what I mean? You really lived this baked potato entree life, because that's what you did at my bachelor party as well. You went with a baked potato entree. Oh my God, I forgot about that. We've brought it up a lot. You've blown it at a steakhouse a few times with me

and that might be the biggest steakhouse blown in. I don't like steak like that. I mean, I like steak just fine. I know it. I don't like being bogged down with that being the rest of my night. So steak, it always feels like if I'm mad dog at steak. Eat less steak.

I mean, that's brother. That's why I'm getting the potato at the steak restaurant. Watch your fucking mouth. It came out real hot. It came out real hot. We're in the private room at the fucking steakhouse. We are in a private room. Frank Sinatra was sitting there with Scarface or something.

And I'm like, let me get a potato. One baked potato, please. You know what, Sean? I, on a different category, know exactly what he means. I like pancakes and everything, but I very rarely eat them because I cannot go. Some people can. I'm with friends of mine. They're eating pancakes and everything.

Then they go out and they're like, well, we're going to do this. And we're going to walk over there. I'm done. So the only way I can have pancakes and that stuff I love is I have a dinner where I have breakfast for dinner because, okay, afterwards I am a little stuffed, but I can go just sit in the yard and sit with everybody and be stuffed. The pancake is a young man's game.

I mean, I had some the other day in the fair city of Madison and they put me down, brother. I mean, you know, syrup, too. It's not like I was just having a little bit of syrup. I used the whole bottle. You were getting surreptitious. Yeah. Getting surreptitious, baby.

One night after smoking a little pot, I had some sea salt butter, you know, like it was in the refrigerator. And I put a little bit on a spoon and then put a little syrup on the spoon. And I ate it and I said to little bit on a spoon and then put a little syrup on the spoon and I ate it. And I said to myself, you never need pancakes again. You just made the Wonka pill for it. The pancake is just there to justify. I'm stealing that. The Wonka pill.

Ah. Yeah. Thanksgiving dinner and the pill. Yeah. It's almost you. You think, well, he's being he's kidding. When you eat it, you're you're like well this really did settle my that's a lot of the flavor

is the butter and the syrup so without the pancake by the way the fattening part if I could say what if I really thought that I go I really think no the butter and the syrup that's all that's good I'm not talking about the healthy part of the pancake I'm talking about the bad part of the pancake yeah I'm just taking butter shots for breakfast.

Little sea salt rim. Butter shots boring. Speaking of butter shots boring, David, it's time for you. That's the second and last time I'll say that. David, it is your time for your first pick. You'll say it again. Oh, man. that got me.

Okay, I'm taking appetizer. I think the appetizer sets the tone. I think like Todd was saying, you don't want something that everybody's just going to cram down and get bogged down. You also want something to get people talking. Let's have an appetizer they haven't had. Oh, did you see this? Did you try this?

Oh, I wonder what we're going to eat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm taking two different types of grilled watermelon skewers. Oh. And my two different types, the one I'm going to do the honey lime glazed with the mint on top. And then the other one, I'm just going to do a little salt and some tajin. Damn. If you've never

grilled watermelon, it's amazing. It's light. You're not going to cram it. Nobody's going to eat a shitload. If you have kids there, kids are going to eat it too. It's perfect. It's fun. Most people haven't had it. It's easy. It's really

easy. I think you do like five minutes each side or something like that. Not hard at all. I love that idea. And even if you didn't want to be the one grilling it, you could have like a big pile of them out there and the grill's just there and people walk over, do it themselves and have a... That sounds good. On skewers, it's perfect.

You know what I mean? It's a good, light, fun appetizer. I think you could slide a little feta cheese in there, too. Oh, you know what? I didn't even think about that. Yeah, you could totally slide some stuff in between. Now, I notoriously don't like watermelon.

I'm not a watermelon guy, but this makes me... What? You know I don't like watermelon. I don't like it at all. But there are some things that horrify you anew every time you hear it yeah i don't are there other melons you like no you don't like melon yeah not really blind okay that's you know no rain was good but i if this is making me kind of think feel like i can mess with watermelon though these two especially with the tahin with the tahin it's like a really good because because it like lightens up. It's really good.

It becomes almost more of a, it's still sweet, but it almost becomes more of a texture. I knew you could do that. That's like LA, right? Like when you, like on the side of the road or whatever, you'll get the tahini. That's what is on all the fruit or on the beach or whatever. That's always dank.

That makes me like a melon, but not enough to like get it a lot. But this, like that lime situation you were discussing earlier. Honey lime glaze and then some mint on top. Your abiding love of sauces has overwhelmed your distaste for melon. I gave him a good sauce

vehicle. I know my man. Come on. You flew through my Death Star and you found the hole. There it is. But yeah, grilled watermelon skewers is my appetizer love it um i'm going to go wild card i'm going to break up my wild card right now and i'm going to go signature non-alcoholic beverage oh i like that yeah yeah if you want to you put some alcohol in it. But you don't have to. Feel free. Feel free to church it up.

For a party, I got into making these things called shrubs, which are like a juice and vinegar carbonated kind of drink thing that you can make your own. I tweeted about a certain kind of apple once, and then they sent me a hundred of those apples all at once, which is too many apples. So I was was like what can i do with this and you can like kind of mash them up and macerate them pour sugar over them and like it brings the juice out of it and you whatever filter it out and i made this like sort of apple shrub that was like delicious and i put ginger in

there and it was like super delicious on its own no No booze. You could also pour some booze in there and like church it up a little bit. But it's nice for a couple of reasons. Some people don't drink at all and it's nice for them to have something special that's not just like a can of LaCroix. Right. And then the other thing is it kind of breaks up that if you don't want to just be like pounding alcohol all night. So by the end of it, I mean, nothing wrong if you do, but it's like, like oh i you know i had a cocktail and then you know i hit a couple i had a shrub or i had whatever this

you know blend of they make so many options now and it's just nice to have that sort of special thing that doesn't necessarily get people hammered because i'm so you know i drink a little bit less than i did than i used to a lot less than i used to. And it's nice to have that little special treat kind of thing. A little reward. And it is nice. Again, I'm on day eight over here, but it's fun. We're like, I'm going to have a soda. Whatever. I didn't have four whiskeys, so a soda is fine.

I always try to do the same thing. Especially over the years go on, you have friends that don't drink anymore. And I think, well, I never thought about this. I stole it from someone else. She goes, my friend Lacey goes, I always try to have something fun for them, even if it's real bottles of Coke

or real bottles of 7-Up. She'll make a spicy drink and put salt on the rim of the glass or have it there for people to do it, just so they can have a celebratory fun drink you know yeah it feels like a moment for them you know it's a nice little oh they had that too even if it's glass top of chico bottles rather than like a can of la croix i feel like

even that makes a difference you know like for most people and i feel i feel this is pretty accurate like most people getting plowed isn't like the goal it's you know some people they're just like i'm gonna get hammered at this party. But a lot of people are like, I just want to see my friends might have one, but I want to catch up. I want to get home. I whatever I got stuff to do. So it's nice to have a little treat. That's yeah, absolutely. Love it. Put it out there. You got like a little, like a, you know, like maybe not a picture of it is nice. Or you put it in like a big, like thing yeah it's just nice to do it's fun to do with the like spout where you press

it and it comes out yeah with the spout yeah they got the hotel lobby exactly right exactly right and then I'm gonna go music and I'm going to go for lack of a better term foreign jazz from like

the 40s from the golden age of jazz. Foreign though? Give me an example. I was trying to think of a term. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm thinking like Ethiopian jazz, French jazz, Italian jazz. Classic French jazz. But no, like really.

You have to give me a song that I may have heard. I don't know what you're saying. Isaac, drop a little in here if you could. Come on. If we can find a little French. Put some French jazz on the top of it. French jazz. I'll throw in the air.

You know what, Ian? Ian, I never heard of that, but as soon as you said it, I liked it. And I sort of could imagine it. And I thought about, remember when I said walk-in music at comedy clubs? It doesn't have to be like people think, oh, it should be Frank Sinatra. No, that's boring too. Yes, it is. That music that you just said,

even though I never heard it, I can imagine it. Great walk-in music to a comedy club because the minute you get in that fucking room, it doesn't feel like anything you did or felt like that day. Right. That's a good point.

Your brain does not have a reference point for it other than the vibe or the sound of what you're experiencing there in that moment it's nice to just enjoy music without having it be loaded at any yeah to hear a song and not have to be like oh you know they listen to this at prom or some dumb shit right yeah you're right i like like i do i do like that for sure ethiopia is like mula to astatke is like one of the guys like big guys and then like sydney bachette some of the like who went like american guys who went to move to france it's just like i don't want to necessarily hear the words and hear them in english because i feel like sometimes that can pull attention but i like even if they're

doing a standard but it's like an old jazz standard that they're doing in italian or french to me that's kind of funny interesting you know what is a great point at a party have you ever been at a party and like an hour in you talk to somebody you're like i don't know what this music is but they're fucking killing it yes that's like the best feeling that's so that's so nice i always try to be so so clear when I give my opinion in this stuff, because a year later, someone would go, but you said recognizable music wasn't good, so I didn't do it.

I go, no, for different points of the night. Obviously, completely different later in the night if you're playing songs and everyone's maybe dancing. I call it silly dancing. You do it all by yourself. But then you can do that stuff. But there's different times when you don't want it to pull away from the

conversation. Actually. Yeah. And that's what I'm looking for out of that, out of this, like jazz music. I'll play, I'll play you some of it next time,

but now I'll send you a playlist. Yeah. Just send the sense. I'm going to go get my steps in after this. So it's a good time. It's a good time to have a dinner. It's fun. It's a fun little dinner situation.

David, time for your third, a fourth pick. Actually, dinner situation. David, time for your fourth pick. Actually, you know what? Before we make your fourth pick, why don't we take another short break? And we're back. Welcome back to All Finance and Everything. Already in progress. It is time for David Borey's fourth pick. Fourth pick. I'm taking a wild card.

It's hard to do at a dinner party, but I think it can be do-ful. It's just whenever this is at a party or an event, it's always to do at a dinner party but i think it can be doable it's just whenever this is at a party or an event it's always fun i've people all everybody partakes if you're in a couple it's fun if you're a group of friends i'm taking a backdrop and a professional photographer so you can take like wait so you can take like that party picture totally i love it couples want to do it groups of friends and it's like as people get kind of drunk it's always fun hey come on let's take a picture i don't want with

the props though oh you don't like a mustache no arrow through the head just like maybe a funny backdrop with like a pun on it or something and then a camera. And then we all take these group picture. I got, I got some on my fridge. I, any chance that it's always fun. It's always a good time. It gets people talking. It gets people to mix up groups.

You know what I mean? Where it's like, Hey, let's all of us come to come on. You know what I mean? And you, and whenever you get the pictures back, you're always happy about it.

It's always great. The hipster millennial cousin of this is there's a Polaroid at the party and that's fun too it's just like kind of fun to have that like uh yeah because otherwise you don't take pictures you don't remember it or somebody has them on their phone and whatever that's fine you know nobody ever sends them they say they're going to and like you don't right away and it's a nice feeling you and your you and your partner hey let's go we dressed up tonight yeah we dressed up we danced come on we had the paella we're not we didn't gorge ourselves on watermelon let's go take a good picture of us we're in our linens let's get it yeah and then you put it on the fridge later what was that oh my god

this party at david's house come on you know i i went to like i said i'll steal things what you're talking about a friend of mine uh lynn she got a, half of the idea she got from me, she bought a piece of canvas from Lowe's because it's cheap. You can buy a 12 by 12 for like eight bucks and it's basically a paint tarp but it's a huge piece of canvas. And she just made happy faces with like three different color spray paints all over it

and the purpose of it was to take pictures in front of all night. And you know what? Everybody did. Everybody does. Every time I go to an event when they have it everybody does it cause why wouldn't you you're dressed up you're out for the night like of course you want a little it's just like a very fun thing

it's low impact it doesn't have to be gaudy it doesn't have to take up a lot of space always a good time I love it yeah man Sean time for your fourth pick i need wild cards still and i need theme right you need wild card you need theme that's right theme um all right i'll do my wild card i want a dessert and so i'm gonna do a huge like grab bag of those little Ben and Jerry's.

So like, I don't know, it's like 60 of them. And they're all, all the kinds that you, it's probably 10, 15 kinds of the little, little guy,

you know, the little guys that are, they're like a buck or something. Okay. Yeah. Like 60 of those. You can have one, you can have five.

I don't care. There's a bunch of little spoons, little wooden spoons. And yeah, you just get to have a little fun. Does it, they're all laid out. You feel cool. Cause there There's a bunch of little spoons, little wooden spoons. You just get to have a little fun dessert. They're all laid out. You feel cool because there's just a bunch of something that's flashy. You get dessert. You can have a little amount

if you want. It's fine. No big deal. I love it. That's a great, easy idea. I like that, too, of pick your size because you ever go somewhere and somebody gives you a honking piece of cake or a honking piece of some dessert you don't want and you're like bro i don't even i don't know i don't like sugar like that anymore i gotta hide this shit so you don't get

a lot of marzipan dude yeah i don't want your shitty carrot cake i've had where it's like i don't like sugar and people go what's that what's that mixed drink you're having i'm like that's my sugar that's that's the amount that i get i can't have all your dessert on top of that what are you doing don't make me say it out loud. Come on. Yeah, just a bunch of little Ben and Jerry's. The little four ounces, right? Isn't that... Yeah, they're like... If you do like sugar, go ahead and, you know, taste the rainbow.

Have five or six of them. And you can have all the different flavors. That's the fun thing, too, is you're not bogged down to one kind. You don't have to get like a bowl of this. I have one kind of ice cream. It doesn't have to be Ben or Jerry's. It gets to be Ben and Jerry's, dude. Yeah, a little bit of Ben, a little bit of Jerry. Have a party, man. We're here. We're listening

to fucking Chris. Yeah, dude. Kenny Loggins is singing. He's singing Footloose in the background. You're dipping pretzel bites in ice cream. Things are going well. well yeah dude yeah by the way a while back when i said uh hot dog um pigs in the blankets were a shitty appetizer i actually don't believe that matter of fact pretzels with the hot dog in the middle oh yeah yeah they're pretty good yeah i like to think you've been you've been stewing on that this whole time

and trying to know way to bring it back up. Well, no, no, no. I just thought about it because he said pretzel bites and ice cream, and I remembered. The pretzel is a bread. The pretzel is a bread is like, where was that? How come that only just started in the last 10 years? It blows my mind.

It's so much better. Oh, and they bring you five types of bread and then three of them are pretzel rolls. And look, I know not everybody agrees with this, but I'm always thinking, why don't you flip it and bring all pretzel rolls except for three? Because everybody wants a pretzel

roll. And now you've got to be like dividing up the pretzel rolls or somebody has to pretend like they don't care. And then they harbor sort of an animosity for you throughout the entire dinner. Am I? Oh no, Todd. Todd's fourth. And then Todd's final pick.

This is fun hard because everything you guys are saying changes my but I know I have to have a final answer, but I will say the bogging down thing and only having sugar is why, look, it's a lot easier to make just fun, sugary things. But when you're thinking, well, you don't want people to be tired, like you were saying. So this isn't my final answer, but if you get like fresh fruit and the ones, you know,

everybody likes, like, I know some people do like the cut up fruit that other people don't like melon, but get the ones like grapes, the ones everybody likes. I know some people do like the cut up fruit that other people don't like melon, but get the ones like grapes, the ones that have watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, the ones that most people like. And even if you get a yogurt and put it in the freezer for a half an hour, it thickens it up as a dessert.

That's really, that's good. It's not, it's not, I'm not saying it's healthy, but it's a lot less sugary. I'm not saying it has my T-Main health. I'll tell you that. My T-Main heart rate. But I'm saying also giving people something that's not going to...

But here's my sort of go-to. I will buy a cake. Same thing, Vons or wherever. If I go to... It's like these rings. They're apple cinnamon rings. They make them all types of... You know what I mean?

They have the vanilla glaze dripped on the top. Vanilla. Oh, Jesus. What if I just ran out of the room and you never saw me again? Oh, my God. He went outside. Man, I wish this wasn't an audio medium. He came into these pits and then they got to walk back.

That was tight. So, you know what? I'm going to change it. Here's mine. This is easier to explain. Now, this is not easy, but people love it. You know what we're doing? No, this was my...

Wild card. You have wild card and appetizer left. Those are the two categories you have to fill. Okay, so I'm going to go wild card. I'm sorry. I apologize. Please. I'm going to go wild card. It depends if you can have this.

You can have a dessert. It's not as hard. Yeah. Oh, I guess. Okay. I'll use a dessert then. So you get, there's a very specific way, a specific way you have to do this.

Otherwise it doesn't work. And I've learned it. So I get Pop-Tarts. You can get whatever Pop-Tarts you want. It doesn't matter. Glazed, unglazed. But I go, when I'm doing it, cinnamon frosted. And then I put them out.

I even take them out of the wrapper. I put them in like a bowl, just put them out there. And then it's very hard to still find squares of ice cream. They used to come in a square box, but there's still one brand that makes it that way. And I slice them. So you make the same, and you put them in the freezer. You put them in the freezer. You put them in the freezer.

So, because you don't have time to spread ice cream on a Pop-Tart that was toasted. It just melts too quick. You got to put a really frozen piece on there. So then I just tell people, you get it started. Anyone can do it during the night whenever they want. But the slabs have to be pre-cut. If you don't, you make them into squares. To be honest, when I was lazy, I bought a ton of ice cream sandwiches.

And I took the chocolate off. And I just had a pile of them. You can put two on a Pop-Tart. That ain't lazy, by the way. Yeah. But anyway, and then you just tell people. I always say, hey, put it in the toaster, but not as long as you usually do. Put it in there for like 40 seconds.

Just warm it up a teeny bit. Then go over to the freezer. Take a vanilla slab out. Put it in there for 40 seconds. Just warm it up a teeny bit. Then go over to the freezer, take a vanilla slab out, put it in there, and there's your Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich. That is brilliant. That is so smart. Who wouldn't want that?

I mean, you could be as a toddler and be like, I'm going to try it. I mean, I'm going to have a rough night. There's a lot of different flavors going on. You have the warmness of the Pop-Tart, the smoothness of that icing when you bite into it. The texture of it feels good.

The cold ice cream. It's a lot of sensations and flavors going on. I love that. Yes. I'm definitely feeling that. Yeah. By the way, to the Pop-Tart industry,

I just want to know an answer. They listen. They listen. General Mills. The General Mills. I love it when you call me Big Papa. I just... It's not ice cream sandwich related,

but I really just want an answer to this. I don't even care if they do it. So far, everything that's been double stuffed has done very well. Any products, you know, the Reese's Cup double stuff. Why doesn't Pop-Tart, the stuffing, the icing, both? Wow.

One per packet. Brother. And here's my friend's best guess. You think you know everything about an industry, and then a revolutionary comes along. I never even thought about doubles. And for people that say, oh, that would be too much. This is what angers me. When you have an idea and somebody says, oh, that would be too sweet for me. I go, well, then you wouldn't buy

it. But this is for the people that would. You can go double, double icing and double, you know, this stuff in the middle, one per bag. You know, it's not two in a bag. It's one per bag. My friend said maybe he's right. He's just guessing. There's no way it hasn't been brought up at Pop-Tart. It's hard to believe that corporate people, this is their job, although it took him a long time time other cereals to figure out you can mix marshmallow in it and make it taste good like rice krispie treats figured out so who knows but he said

maybe they get to pretend they're a breakfast item and that would yeah I don't know they do it's candy it's candy I also wonder if it's they have these pre-cut because if you double stuff it you're going to have to make a bigger

ravioli you know what I mean it's going to have to be a bigger sheet Reese's Cups did it Kit Kat bars did it Oreos did it dude have AI do it what did you say

have AI do it who know what did you say have AI do it who cares I do it that's it oh you believe in that yeah I love the new thing I'm starting to AI

hey I asked AI to write a Mitch Hedberg joke and I forget what it was but it was pretty funny yeah I'm not even joking that's a bummer

yeah anyway so there's my... Well, I did... That's marvelous. You know, Sean, why don't you go ahead and let me host the podcast that I've been hosting for six years. Oh, you son of a bitch.

I know. He knows how to twist the knife. Appetizer. Why don't you let me go ahead and do it on this our final episode of all fantasy everything Isaac put an ominous piano beat right there pom pom pom thank you well placed

may I say even though I know it's done in post I think he did a good job I think he did too he's the best in the business uh appetizer you have remaining okay I think he did a good job. I think he did too. He's the best in the business. The magic man. Appetizer, you have remaining. Okay. Ian, is his name?

That's right. Not Ian. Ian is it? No, the producer. The producer. What's his name? Isaac. Isaac. Isaac.

Could you put just the sound of a duck real quick right here? Oh. That was good. Mine is, wow, appetizer. Okay. One more duck. Just right here. Just right here.

One more duck. Oh, two quacks. Two quacks. He squeezed two quacks in there. Okay. I'm going to go with... This is maybe when I'm not having it with dinner, but I'm putting an appetizer out that's just going to be some meaty appetizers

because I'm not having dinner. I'm just having people over. Is that okay? Oh, no. We're talking about a dinner. You can do whatever you want. Oh, yeah. So I go back to turkey loaf,

and you put it on a plate, and then you put Triscuits all around it. It's meaty. People can really feel like you want to have more than little appetizers. You're not doing anything for anybody. That's sort of what I'm having people. You could do it before dinner too,

but a lot of us have talked about not trying to have dinner so the appetizers be so heavy. You could still do it. This is like a Vons pate kind of thing. Vons pate, I like that. Right. I like it. And if you do veggie tray,

just chopped up veggies, you got to have thick hummus. Really, they can get a lot of hummus. You don't want anything where they can't get a lot of it on there, you know? Yeah, you need a heavy pour. But final answer is the turkey. Meat leaf. I always get turkey meatloaves.

I don't know why, but any type of meatloaf. You don't have to make it. Put it in the middle. Put triscuits all around it. Everybody loves it. It's a meatloaf heavy party, and I love it. It's a fantastic delightful treat. Sounds like all I do is chop up meatloaf

in different ways. Now we never see you again. I'm so mortified that I didn't bring to this show great ideas that I run out of the house and I take my life. Take my life. So romantic.

He just started swimming west. Sean Jordan, who I feel like hopefully didn't take my let me host the podcast joke too seriously here. No, my gosh. What are you doing? All right. I have my theme, right? You have your theme left over. Tell me if i can do this i've

been worried about it the whole time uh everyone brings like a one dollar gift and then like after dinner we pick one of the names out of the hat of whoever's there and it's their birthday and then we sing them happy birthday they all get the presents that's awesome and then we treat them like it's their birthday for the rest of the night. What a great idea. Wow. Anybody's birthday party. Yeah. And everybody brings like a $1 thing from the Target, you know, whatever, on the way out.

Like, whatever, a little slinky or whatever it is. And then you just, you get them all, they all get the presents. That's phenomenal. That's a great idea. Everyone loves it to be their birthday. Yeah. Nobody wants to say it, so it's like a surprise party for one person. It could be any of us. You give them a little

button, maybe a sash. They have to wear a hat. Yeah, they get to be special. You might have said this already, Sean, but who do you decide who gets to be their birthday? Everyone who's there, you write their name down and put it on a piece of paper and someone draws it out of a hat.

I'll draw it out of a hat since I'm hosting the party. And then, oh my gosh, it's Clifford's birthday. Happy birthday, Clifford. You're a gentleman's 24 today. Clifford's really like 47. You know what I mean? One of those. That's magnificent. Love that.

Time for your final pick. It is time for you have theme, entreeizer wild card you need to take your music so i thought about this a lot because i think a lot of parties can get lost in music and i want to set the tone where it's like you want to dance but you're not going crazy to dance as much as i love like i want to dance with somebody or or like a dina howard freak like me i don't want people necessarily sweating on the dance floor but i want them to hear it and be like oh i'm gonna get up and i want music that's not so sexy that you could dance with anybody right i want the music to come on and we're at a party and you know what it's not weird if i'm like

hey dana let's go cut you know what i mean's not weird if I'm like, hey, Dana, let's go cut. You know what I mean? Like, I want it to be like, oh, you could dance with someone else's partner. No one's going to be like, what's David doing with Dana over there? You know what I mean? You could. I want it to be like it can mix so everybody can dance. So it's not like a super sexy thing necessarily. Everybody can dance. So it's not like a super sexy thing necessarily. So I'm thinking of, and it's like, I'm taking this artist specifically and everything in this vein.

And tell me if you guys don't know, I'm taking Tony, Tony, Tony. Oh God. That's exactly the vibe of music. Like Tony, Tony, Tony anniversary. You can dance with anybody to it. It's not, it's, it's sexy. sexy it's got that bounce but it's not it's not so much that it's like oh this is weird it's like it's light you know what i mean because i think sometimes when a party becomes a dance party a lot of times there's no coming back from that

does that make sense yes yeah now your friend but you only want my hand but you never see me if i had no look and it's like you can get down to it but it's not so because like i said yeah i want you to be able to dance at every part of the party but i don't want it to become it's such a tone shift and it's fun right like at a wedding when it's like we're at this wedding now it's a motherfucking dance party yeah we don't you don't really go back from that you don't really go back from that no the next thing is party's over that's yeah and i want to be able to go in and out of the dancing this is really with a plate and a drink kind of exactly you can you can there's some people jamming with the plate and drink and then some people like no we got to get on the floor for this one but it's not necessarily hitting you over the head with it so you have to

like go crazy that's wonderful yeah that's my that's that's my vibe these are fun dinner i don't mean to bring up your wife i was just thinking i got my eyes on dana all night what can i do but you know what I mean? I like it. I like it when it's like, I think some with some of this music, sometimes it's like, listen, I love Anaconda.

I can't dance with your mom to that song. Yeah. Have it not be kind of weird. You know what I'm saying? I don't want that. Change the dynamic of everyone's relationship with each other. Mine to you, you to my mom, mine to my mom. Like, I don't want i don't want that to be the case i think but there is a level of like

dance music that is it may be so and like i said i love a dance party i don't want it to be the end of the party um yeah that's great uh time for me to make my final pick entree the final pick of the party. Yeah, that's great. Time for me to make my final pick. Entree, the final pick of the draft. And I've already got the grill going for making the pizzas. I let the heat come down a little bit and I'm throwing on a big

old flank steak. Big old flank steak, or if I need to do two of them. And then I grill those kind of with a I think like with a balsamic vinegar sort of based marinade that comes off I cut that I let it rest I cut it up into pieces and then I've got like a big arugula salad so big arugula maybe some like toasted hazelnuts in there maybe some like gorgonz in there, and then the idea is you make yourself a big steak salad, or you can just lay

down, you can have them separately, or you can just have the steak, you can just have the salad, but it's like a big, and take as much meat as you want, and it's like a big steak salad situation. Not too heavy. For me, the ideal way to eat like steak at a party, you can just have a couple pieces.

I was going to say, give it so you can taste how good the meat is a party you can just have a couple pieces say give it so you can taste how good the meat is but you don't have to od on it i love right you could just have a couple pieces you can if that's the kind of party you want to have be my guest you know what i mean od on the steak there's plenty of it it's flank steak it's affordable uh and it comes out and it's also not something that i need to keep like checking in on all throughout the night it's just like you kick it once it's done and then that's the food it's also good at room temperature because it's a salad and that's the entree love it yeah dude i like it when there's enough not to drag it out i like it when there's enough meat where i don't have to feel disgusting

if i want more than like the average person share i'm like there's a ton i can have a little bit more i like i like it that's a good rule. You should never have a self-conscious amount of meat at a party. Yeah. There it is. I feel seen. Thank you. Yeah. Did you write a book about that?

Yes, I did. Come on. That's my first book. That's the final pick. Isaac, it's hard for you to make a pick here why don't you paint us a picture of your favorite of an ideal Isaac K. Lee party an ideal party

wow okay well that's a party that seems no live music I know that well this is one thing I was going to say I want the music to be about 10% of what it usually is at a party. Because I want conversation. I'm a conversation, I'm a

podcast producer. Conversation is my favorite thing on earth. I want conversation. I do not want the music to be in any way perceptible. I thought my first stand-up special was your favorite thing on earth. You lied to me, Isaac. I'm sorry, the book starts here on a...

Was it Special Things Records? Yeah, I interrupted. Go ahead. I'm sorry the fuck starts here on a special things record yeah just making Sean say that 10% of the volume it normally would be in keeping with your so you like a nice a very low almost where you're like

what is that it can't be so low that you're like trying to figure out what it is no but I want it to be so low that you're like trying to figure out what it is right no but i want it to be i want to be crazy i want it to be like early 20th century jazz too you know so like you can't even it's not like you can even identify it i thought it was snoop dog that's what i was doing for you 10 of what the normal volume of gin and juice would have been and i appreciate fantastic pick a fantastic pick isaac lee would have been a great wildcard pick for any dinner party. Yeah, seriously.

That man goes all out. Guy knows what he's doing. To recap, Todd Glass, our guest, you went first. For music, you took a pure eclectic mix that becomes more perceptible and danceable as the evening goes on. For theme, you took, I'm putting out three torches, it's a night out at the resort. A classy night out at a well-appointed resort. For your entree, turkey meatloaf.

For your appetizer, turkey meatloaf and triscuits. Oh, God, you could have separated them. He knew what he was doing. He knew what you were doing. You could have said you should have made it the first and the last. You guys want to go to Todd's meatloaf party or what?

Todd's having a meatloaf party. Let's go. That's my biggest fear. Ian goes, oh, we'll do a dinner because Todd, you're good at that. And then on, people are like, everyone else's ideas were a lot better than Todd's meatloaf party. I'd go to Todd's meatloaf party in a heart.

You can name a restaurant that and I'd be like, well, I go there a lot. Yeah, I'd be fine. I don't know what voice that was you invoked for Todd's meatloaf party, but it was fucking perfect. That was fun. And your wild card, the piece de resistance, a Pop-Tart ice cream sandwich bar. One of the finest picks in the history of this podcast, Todd. Thank you. I love that.

I love that. Sean, you went second. Music, yacht rock. Appetizer, pretzel bites with assorted dips. Your entree is a baked potato bar with various accoutrements yeah your wild card was a huge grab bag of those little ben and jerry's for people to for which people to delight themselves and your theme is everybody brings a one dollar gift and then at some point you pull a name out of a hat and it it's someone's birthday, and you act like it's their birthday and they get all the $1 presents.

David, you won third. Yeah. That was great. David, you won third. That was my favorite bit of the draft. I appreciate it. The theme of your party. Linen.

The entree. Paella. The appetizer, grilled watermelon skewers, some with a honey lime glaze and some with just a little salt and tahini. Your wild card pick, a backdrop and a photographer. And your music, I'm calling it Tony, Tony, Tony radio. Love it.

Just kind of stuff you can dance to, but there's not any implied meaning in said dancing. Slight. I went last. I took my theme. We just got back from a trip to the Mediterranean. Come on over. the appetizer is pizzas you make on a barbecue or a grill the wild card is a signature

non-alcoholic drink music, kind of a foreign jazz kind of feel and the entree, a big ol' flank steak salad on arugula excellent picks all around that was fun, that was really fun forward to light till evenings we want to hear your picks, hit us up at excellent picks all around. That was fun. That was really fun. Four delightful evenings. We want to hear your picks.

Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where we have auction drafts, mailbag episodes, bonus content, our live episodes, and all sorts of other wonderful goodies, including, of

course, Isaac's tasteful nudes. You don't think they went away for a second tasteful. They've always been, I don't think they've always been on there. His nipples invented a new color. You got to check them out. It's brilliant. It's brilliant.

It will activate a part of your brain that has been lying dormant your entire life. Uh, shout out to everyone. The AFE, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos with that music at 10% volume. That's right.

That's right. A master of the art of conversation, Isaac Lay. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shasclackety!

That was a Hate Gum Podcast.