All Fantasy Everything - A Fictional Bachelor Party (w/ Sean O'Connor & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

What happens on AFE, stays on AFE. Sean and Ian welcome podcast favorite Sean O'Conner to draft a Fictional Bachelor Party!     Guest:    Sean O'Connor @seanoconnz IG: @seanoconnz   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting a fictional bachelor party. Our guest today is comedian and writer Sean O'Connor. Sean worked with me at The Late Late Show with Jimmy Cordon Bleu, and he now writes and co-executive produces

the animated series Solar Opposites on Hulu and Close Enough on HBO Max. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me today is my friend and comedian, Sean Jordan. David Borey, locked deep, deep, deep in the bowels of a dungeon in Bolivia. Will he ever make it out? Only time will tell. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is having a guava Sao Paulo flavored LaCroix, and I don't, I, it feels like a sparkling water has maybe like,

like it's spoiled a little bit, which I know can't happen. What flavor is Sao Paulo? It's guava. It's like a little bit, which I know can't happen. What flavor is Sao Paulo? It's guava. It's like a guava flavor. And I think we've gone too far with the guava flavor. You've guav'd too far? I think we've guav'd too far. I'm coming around on it, man. I like the bubbly waters now.

I used to hate them. Like you would sit, you'd drink five, six a day. And I'm just like, you are a lunatic. But now I like them. A good substitute for soda have you ever had polar polar is the best the my my number one uh seltzer is it really polar is what i should be getting into polar is great it's so good the orange polar in particular is like maybe a a top three drink of all time is it is it a like zero calorie one or is it one of those like 10 calorie ones zero calorie oh yeah it's great it's great it's like and it's like old school seltzer uh but like they've they've updated the flavoring to uh to work with our baby mouths like

it tastes like you should be getting it when you're coming out of a sauna yes exactly oh my god it's wonderful and that and bubbly the pepsi brand one like this is not hashtag ad it's not a hashtag ad but bubbly wow i love a fucking buble i yeah oh they're so good what makes something caloric is that a word first of all caloric yeah like if something has calories what makes it have calories what are the calories i believe i believe with spindrift it's like they actually use real fruit so like any time they use that there's going to be some calorie content okay all right i get it which may in the long run end up being better for us than whatever this natural because like on the on the

one of these it says naturally essenced but then there's an asterisk oh non-gmo that's good uh i guess i i don't know how they make these taste like anything i don't know what that is i know it probably originally comes from sean's home state of new jersey but outside of that i don't know you are actually right uh like two towns over from where i grew up there's this place called iff uh the international fragrance factory and there there is not i swear and it's like it's like eight city blocks wide it's this huge factory and all they do is manufacture flavors and scents for candles and drinks and all of that and my friend uh chris's mom used to work there and yeah like she had used to have

like vials of flavor that you could add into like water wow straight out the factory it was straight out of the factory sean jordan and i were once in a r&b group called the international flavor factory that's a great name it's such a good name it was us and everyone in Jodeci. And then the two of us. Yeah, man, it was wet. It was the wettest R&B group in history. You might have heard of our wet 2001 tour. Fresh off the millennium. We performed in a half full kiddie pool that we sort of toured around the country with.

A lot of half full venues. Didn't matter how big it was. It was half full. It could have been Shea Stadium. Half full. yeah i heard about i had a friend who wanted to become a food chemist when we were like in high school and which is a very specific thing to want to do in high school but uh yeah he like wrote a report about the international fragrance factory yeah how do you want to become that in high school? Was his life saved by a food chemist? He saved me from drowning.

It's the only way I could honor him. He was just a very reasonable guy who liked chemistry and was like, this seems like something I could do. And now he works and he does biochemistry for a vitamin company. So he followed it through. Yeah, I think if you want to be a food chemist they let you like there's no they're just like oh wow yeah sure like you're fast-tracked thank you so much yeah come on you just tell that to your guidance counselor and they're like well we got 10 minutes to burn what do you want to talk about and so you are and so you are i guess i guess what i hear that

i'm just so jealous because i think my head was always in the clouds because i remember like in my like eighth grade yearbook i definitely said baseball player and then my in high school i was like i'm gonna like write for rolling stone like be in a successful bed like there was never there was never a moment where i wasn't uh like trying to appeal to a large mass of people. But then like my other friends are like, I want to be an accountant. And I became an accountant. And then they did it. Yeah.

I never I still don't know what I want to do. I had no inclination. I just was like, I just whatever happened next. I was OK with it. That was that's always been me too when i was a kid i wanted to for a job i wanted to play college football for notre dame that's what i thought my job could be yeah man man is that not a job until i think this year yeah at least not anything you can report taxes on yeah yeah i don't like honestly people ask about how'd you get into

stand-up i was like i don't know i just it just there was a contest happening in sioux falls and i did it and that's i didn't have grand aspirations as a kid or anything you just i feel like i lied my way into stand-up i feel like i feel like i canceled on a friend once i was like oh yeah i'm just like doing an open mic and then he was like oh i'd love to see it and i was like ah i have to figure out how to do that you signed the papers yeah i should have just gone to see the silent hill movie like my whole life is changed from one lie to a guy that like i i'm not even friends with anymore i lied my way into it too somebody i did improv at the time and somebody was like you do stand up right and i was like yeah and then they booked me on a show and i had

to come up with an act oh yeah when what show was that do you remember do you like do you remember when it was or anything it was at the clinton street theater and it was just some show i don't remember when it was there's probably i could probably go on facebook and figure it out but like that's all i remember about it i think that's the appropriate amount to remember the first time you did stand up yeah it's like like i i know i started at the stress factory and i know one joke i told but that is it i and i think i bombed you gonna throw it at us or what oh uh my joke that i told my first this, it's probably the first or second joke I told because it's the only one that made it to the second set, which was, did you guys hear that the guy

that Rocky fought in Rocky V, Tommy Machine Gun Morrison, he just got diagnosed with HIV. And you know what they say, when you bare knuckle box someone, you're bare knuckle boxing every person that person's bare knuckle box it's a good job that's good it was it was it was yeah it was i mean it's it's labored and it takes a while to get there right but it's it's all it's all in there yeah it's a good joke

one of my first ones was about how npr does which is a very portland first joke to have but how npr doesn't have commercials but they still have commercial breaks and then they just go into like weird pan flute music for 15 seconds and then come back and i think i did a pan flute impression it was it hit it hit hard in portland oregon in like 2006 i think that would still i think that would still work i'm i would i'm craving your pamphlet impression at this point i'll bring it back i'm gonna go i'll at some point i'll plumb my early work and then pretend like it's new stuff that's what you gotta do the beatles did it yeah yeah my own get back yeah they were like oh what was that song we were working on when we were 15 that did you guys watch that no not yet oh it's so good

spoil alert they beat up the pope yeah that's the whole third hour he owes ringo a bunch of money as As soon as Laura's parents get here, most of it's going to be me watching things I've wanted to watch. Oh, yeah. When do they get there? You've been on serious father duty, huh? On the 16th. Pretty serious.

Because Laura's had a lot of work, which is great. But I don't know how people have real jobs. I understand this is a job. I don't know how somebody has a 9-5 and still has a child. I'll never... I don't know how the fuck it happens. I really don't. I understand you're a human. You just do it. I don't know how people raise twins.

I couldn't imagine going to work from 9-5 and then coming home having to work all night with kids. It's just shocking. It doesn't make sense. It feels like i think other countries have it figured out like i think european countries in general are like very open to people having families and giving necessary time off and all of that stuff in america it's just an

impossibility like i know we've we've worked for like paternity leave and stuff like that or like we've been fighting for that but like it's so necessary but it also just seems like impossible with any job to take i'm gonna leave for a month right now like yeah not to not to great there's so few jobs where you can do that they're like some like dudes that and my job now they'll leave for like a week or like two weeks you know what i I mean? Like the maternity leave is great. That's like, you know, people are gone for like three, four or five months. Well, not great. It's way shorter than it should be. But it's also probably because you're 40 and a lot of people have kids when they're like

20. And remember how much energy you had then? I still have a fair amount. And I think about that because I'm like, I'm a pretty spry 40 year old but i am 40 yeah it's like but you don't you know four hours of sleep and i'm good and so as long as i'm gonna get anyway not to like whatever ian have kids do it i don't know yeah that come on man i think the i think the pause answered that question more than I don't know. They're coming. They're coming.

I've made silent bets with a lot of our mutual friends they don't even know about, but they're coming. I'd like to. I'd like to have kids. I'd like to have kids, but I'd also like to have three nannies. James Corden, who Sean and I both worked for, Sean Jordan, you've met him, is a huge encourager of people having kids he probably did that with you okans right yeah he did and then i saw him recently and he was trying to convince me

to have a second even though everyone with more than two kids has told me not to have a second job it's it's like it helps when you have a nanny like i'm sure i'm sure i would love to have you know what i mean if you have like a nanny where you're like, here, take care of this. If I had a nanny, but here's what I'll tell you. I would,

I want to look back in two years and I want to have done everything and I want to have been there for all this stuff. It's tough, but it's no tougher than anything. It's all perspective. It's no tougher than anything else. You work all the time. I mean,

what's, you know, it's no different. It else you work all the time i mean what's you know it's no different it really isn't it it truly it's just like having a second job or like a like a very intensive hobby except your hobby can die at any moment it might be easier than my job now because it's not like a bunch of like my baby's stands will get mad at me on the internet if like we do something wrong yeah yeah dude most of it is just like shifting areas of the house go on a walk go to her bedroom

go to the living room go to our room writing stuff for bts is harder than having a baby that's what i'm hearing here i think so i i think just being around bts is harder than uh having a baby because the fans will tear you apart zombie movie style completely those are those young boys that are too sexy aren't they they performed on the at the grammys and they were too sexy i didn't like it they you know uh yeah bts stands for butts too sexy too sexy ian and david got mad at me because i said they were too they were being too sexy, but I didn't need it. I think that is just the dad coming out. Yeah, I think so.

Now you can't appreciate people's sexiness. You just have to be like, you know, this world is sexy enough. I appreciate Laura's sexiness is what I appreciate. You have a daughter now and you're like, boys, why don't you tone it down a little bit? Maybe some nice leather fringe jackets. What happened to Neil Young and Crazy Horse, boys? What what happened to that tradition i do like that song butter though i mean the song it's pretty big oh bts friggin rocks dude yeah i've only heard that i only know the one song see how we see what we do see how we dance around different topics you've heard dynamite

i have yeah i can never tell it's like one direction i could as soon as one direction started making solo shit i was shocked i was like that's how different they all sound it's crazy to me that they were all like in one group yeah i mean it's great point i mean no no but like one day one day was really good bts is really good uh but i for me i live and die with olivia rodrigo uh i i'm ready to put her on mount i'm saying this whoever like whoever broke her heart and adele's heart they have to be so bummed out but also like but also thank you yeah they gave the world so much good heartbreak music i don't want to sound so men's right activist but i mean like here i go you're on the right show 15 minutes to just fall into my old habit but i i always wonder if like the guys who broke those pop stars

hearts like hearing that and seeing the world react to their music and just being like actually you know this was a two-way street and then having no way to like relate that to the general public they're like going to open mics with acoustic guitars like this is a little song well you only hear the one side and then because i used i remember thinking back in the day i was like poor justin timberlake and now i look back and i was like or he was quite the dickhead about whatever happened i mean he put her on blast so hard for whatever happened and we only got his side of it because at the time like she really wasn't allowed to speak up and do make a video she couldn't have made a video with a like look

like justin timberlake doing whatever the fuck he did this is what sean's saying though right it's like let's hear the fucking other side of it exactly there were two people rolling in the deep there exactly like like taylor swift like love love taylor swift love her fans do not murder me in my sleep but like jake gyllenhaal is not going out into interviews and saying like hey you know like she was kind of distant most of the time she's always somewhere else dreaming of pop music like man she just like we never really laid out the terms of our relationship we'd only been dating for a couple months we've been on three dates yeah one of them was the best breakup material oh yeah i mean whatever whatever it takes to get her where

she's going you know what i mean like i can't oh god she's so good at what she does the gems she's dropping might be blood diamonds that's the only thing we may they may not be conflict free yeah i don't care i do wonder though if you're like when you're like in a relationship i mean like there's always like a little tiff at moments of her not responding for a moment and like drifting off into the end that guy be like oh i get it again i know that face that's the number one hit face oh shit oh the sweater i'm wearing is gonna come up i was thinking about the other day it's not new but when uh like when beyonce made pretty much a whole album about getting cheated on but they still live together and it like it was topping the charts and they just had to every you can't really move past it you know where he's just like yeah it's still on the radio yeah i bet she she

didn't bring up the success of that album as much at home like when like they're like oh it's still on the radio yeah i bet she didn't bring up the success of that album as much at home like when like they're like oh it's number one she didn't oh that's interesting they never told jay but it still is like it's just it's crazy to like think that if that happens in a relationship where you're not famous if somebody cheats or whatever you move you process it or you break up or whatever you move past it but when you're famous like that you can't really move past things as easy because they're all in the internet i don't know i was just thinking about that she probably had the congratulations on the platinum record flowers sent to the office but then he made an album about it too they're too you know they're massively successful but

they're still two weird artists you know yeah that is the truth as i think like yeah the art like once you are like you've signed the contract that everything you do is part of your art like yeah like adele's contractor husband isn't like building a house going it was actually a two-sided thing like spray painting on the inside. Adele probably gets into relationships with the express intent of them going bad somehow. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you have to live your art.

I think especially if like you are, the crazy thing is like Adele and like Taylor Swift, they just keep going up. Yeah. Like there doesn't seem to be like the going down point and it's gonna happen but when you're on that trip like yeah anything that gets you to uh hit record i guess is necessary i think so i think if you're like adele and you're in a happy relationship you're probably sitting in there like fuck yeah how do i fucking what do i fucking do with this

shit oh no nobody wants to hear Adele happy. I already lost all the weight. People are already pissed at me for that. Now I got to be happy, too? Fuck that. I bet you, like, when she's really happy, after, like, six months of happiness, she'll get, like, a burner phone and text message herself like a dick pic. And then, like, leave her phone out so the guy finds it. Like, what?

So LeBron's manager or whatever that's an amazing relationship that's you know who that that's who adele's dating now sean jordan no she is no i did not know that that is that is. Really? Yeah, LeBron's like agent, I think, Rich Paul? Yeah. How interesting. Yeah. Man, that's fun to think about her being all cockney, cutting loose with LeBron in the same room at some point. I bet it's a good time.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, Rich Paul, like, you know, stepping in it all over the place with Ben Simmons, but then he has adele to fall back on going like oh yeah my life is set up any way i go i would love to sit and chill with her and just get tossed it'd be i bet you she's so fun when she has a few yeah i bet it'd be a good time yeah she seems like like i love what i love about adele is like she seems so classy when you hear

her music but then when you hear her talk she's like uh almost a dick she's like so dickensian like a street urchin it really it just does not sync up because she's like wearing this lovely evening gown she's like hello everyone how are you doing tonight if you're gonna just toss out the fucking oil you use your bit of fish and chips i'll take it yeah it's all right yeah it's all right yeah we keep that at home in the refrigerator let's chuck out the fish heads go make stargazy pie have that christmas dinner she could be like the villain in the new kingsman movie oh damn i want to see it i think rasputin is the new villain in the kingsman movie yeah i haven't been to the theater yet and that might be the first one.

It's Rasputin. I can't wait. It's going to be great. This is a pro Kingsman podcast. Sean Jordan is a pro Kingsman man. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Jordan on Instagram. Yeah, man. The Kingsman. Yeah, dude.

Laura doesn't like it. It was one of the closest we've ever been to getting in a fight over nothing like we've had arguments but that we haven't really had an argument over nothing ever that was where i was like i think i i think i got up and walked away what's not to like it's it's all in there it's just fun yeah their outfits are great oh yeah the first kingsman is like like kind of the funnest movie to come out in the last 10 years like every single thing works they like the main character is so easy to root for the world is so cool and then like it gets ultra violent or violent like every single part

of that movie is for someone yeah i side-eyed i remember side-eyeing it for the first like 15 minutes like you proved to me colin firth is gonna fill this role and then he did i was like he's tough he's as tough as i want him to be i think as soon as you get over the fact that you're rooting for a guy named eggsy as soon as you get over that like you're all in that kid i fell in love with that kid in that movie he's so fun and charming and just great in that movie that's such a good movie i think he's i think he's just a really i he's such an exciting actor i thought he was really good as elton john he's great as the monkey and sing and he's a good singer so good yeah he's the monkey and sing he's the monkey and sing and he's incredible it's the he's the best part of

sing versatile guy yeah he was fucking great as Elton John. He narrated Elton John's. If you do the audio book of Elton John's autobiography, he reads it and he's great as that. He's great at everything. Yeah. Oh, I need to. I need to listen to that. I want to hear Elton John's life story.

Dude, it is so good. Is it very recent? Do they talk about the Lil Nas X Uber Eats commercial? They don't. They don't. That's an appendix you have to's it that's an appendix you have to get that's an appendix you have to get but he goes into everything he gets like he puts on the hip waders and gets right in there i love it yeah it's a it's a real fun book sean jordan do you have any do you have any performances or anything you want to hit people towards coming up january 6th the crocodile in seattle okay yeah why what

what i'm just saying january 6th and you're gonna be on capitol hill in seattle it's just interesting i keep forgetting that that's a day yeah no i'm gonna be at the crocodile come to the show seattle please nobody showed up last time it was scary not what i sean not one person it wasn't even one of those like three people in the audience we had to be like hey we're just gonna call it no people no people uh you know i i performed at the crocodile once and that was a time where i learned about my limiting my limited drawing potential it is i think i think nine people showed up and i we did it in the bar it's scary because like you people say they're like, you know, you start headlining your shows and

then you book a couple and you're like, nobody gives a shit. Why did you tell me to do this? You know? Yeah. Anyway. So that'll be really rad. Other than that, just be, you know, have a happy holiday. Oh, yeah.

Have fun. Enjoy life. Smile. There you go. Brian Wilson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sean O'Connor is Smile. There you go. Brian Wilson. Yeah. Yeah. Sean O'Connor is here.

Sean O'Conn's on Twitter. Sean O'Conn's on Instagram. Now, that's two N's and then a Z at the end. And one Z, yeah. Yeah, two N's, one Z. How are you doing? What's the latest with you? Oh, man, you know what?

Like, you know, just writing for animated shows at all various points of my life. And they come out a year and a half later and they're new to me. So that's exciting. Yeah. Do you remember like anything you write in those once they come out? No, I mean, like, because on the show Close Enough, we did two seasons back to back. So like one is probably going to come out in the spring of 22 2022 and then the next one is going to come out spring of 2023 and i already don't like it was

back to back it's already been written it's already been written i have no idea what uh what i wrote and even though i know i i know i i took time away to write by myself on that shit but crazy yeah it's pretty it's pretty insane but it's also fun it's fun you get to fuck around but then yeah you don't remember a single thing you've done how much writing of action is there on an animated show because like there's so many sight gags and there's so many like action that like jokes that aren't driven by dialogue what is that like chunks like you're writing like long paragraphs explaining what people are seeing and stuff like there's yeah there there was one

episode where like uh we wrote a whole thing about like uh this boulder going from uh san bernardino all the way to santa monica and it was like three pages of no dialogue that will probably be like 15 seconds when you see it but like we had to describe all the things the boulder was doing and because you have to give you have to tell the animators like exactly what you want to see because they're probably fairly literal people right they're very literal and then like uh like on a show like solar opposites that's like the writers have final say but on a show like Solar Opposites, that's, like, the writers have final say. But on a show like Close Enough, like, the animators get to put whatever, like, stank they want to put in the scene. So that is fun, because, like, when you're watching, like, the animatics for the first time, you're like, well, they went a different way.

But it, like, also, it's interesting, because, like because they seem to have... They're boundaryless people more so than writers, I think. Right. I think we're always thinking like, oh, these characters, they're along for the ride. And then animators are like, wouldn't it be funny if they blew up? That's so interesting.

So they're making creative choices themselves and everything. I suppose, why shouldn't they? Of course, they're creative people. Yeah, they're like making like creative choices themselves and everything like i suppose why shouldn't they're of course they're creative people yeah they're super creative people and like yeah like it is kind of very collaborative and like yeah like they'll they they're never like choosing what the characters do but like in the background you will see like an insanely funny joke or like you'll give them pitches on like what a, like a restaurant should be named. And then they go,

I think we have a better idea. And it is like, Oh yeah, they were, they were right. And this is way better than a bunch of writers sitting in a room pitching puns. Oh,

it's, it's my worst fear realized, which is that everyone's as funny as us, but they just aren't. They also have other skills. Yeah. Yeah. That is a bummer when you meet like a funny doctor and you're like stop it fuck yeah that is true though because like i felt like growing up like i remember when i started doing comedy i was telling when i was telling my friends

i was doing comedy they were like you yeah exactly you're like the unfunny one in the group i'm a different kind of funny but i've been listening to all you being funny and i've synthesized it all of my friends are funnier than me i swear to god when i go back home that's where most of my jokes stem from is honestly just kicking it with them and then they hear the act and they're like what the hell i was like well i'm the one that chose to do this so yeah so i'm taking our jokes well Last weekend, Brendan Walsh and I, kids are on the same soccer team.

And he was telling me a story about his funniest friend. He was like, could not believe that anyone would do comedy. He's like a realtor. And he's like, he's a bald man who occasionally will just put on long wigs and show houses. It's like, that's so funny and it's it's rewarding only to him that's so fucking funny that would be i love it like just long blonde wigs and just going and showing a house to someone. And then the next person has a different way just for no one but himself.

And that seems better just to look himself in the mirror at night and be like, you did it. Yeah. Keith, that was pretty fucking fun. You did it. Oh, I love that.

Why are you doing Stan? Is there anything, what do you want to direct people towards? How can people check out what you're doing right now? You know, just Twitter, Twitter, close enough. Solar opposites, HBO Max, Hulu. You know, yeah, they're very fun. And I think that's enough.

Oh, actually, I do have a new podcast. Yeah. Yeah. The Your Two Dads podcast came and went because Julian McCullough decided he didn't want to talk about being a dad anymore. I haven't. Yeah. Right. Yes. Desperately. Anyway. Where Two Dads podcast came and went because Julian McCullough decided he didn't want to talk about being a dad anymore. I do. Yeah. Right. Yes.

Desperately. Anyway. Anyway. I have a new podcast coming out in January called Off the Records with B Money and the Ocon Man. And it's Brendan Walsh and I listening to comedy albums from the 50s, 60s, and 70s of comedians you've never heard about and trying to decide if they're worth remembering. Because we feel that eventually

we're going to be completely forgotten and we want to remember some guys. I love that. You're listening to Peanut Jones. It's called The Kitchen's Over There. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. We just went to a record store and spent about $600 on old comedy albums. God, that's sick.

And there's people, everyone had a comedy album in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. I just bought one from a former Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher, Don Drysdale. What? He has a comedy album from like 1971. It's called Bullpen. I have not listened to it yet, but I'm very excited. God, that's sick. Don Drysdale. They call those party albums, right? You would put them on at a party or something like that?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, no. And then there's people that we've listened to that you can't believe that you've never heard of. There's this guy, Chris Rush, who wrote for the National Loon in like 1979 to 1973 and then like was around everyone and then was carlin's opener for like 10 years and like had the number one selling comedy album 1972 and i've never heard of him wild yeah and he's probably hilarious right he was pretty good he was pretty good i guess comedy's hard to. Like as far as an agent goes, it was,

and it was also an interesting thing where he didn't record it at a comedy club or a club. He recorded it in a recording studio with an audience of 10 people. So I think that, that, that felt weird. You're like, do they even find it funny?

Four of them must've worked for him you know what i mean like that's just it's just a jfl audition that somebody did yeah i think yeah yeah it's it's it's interesting i mean i'm i'm just more interested in finding out that like how much comedy has not changed over the years yeah i bet uh where everyone is still like having the i think every generation discovers the same things out about the world like yeah i think you're right yeah but then like that's the beauty of an ian carmel is immediately he knows that npr not taking a commercial break is interesting and people in the 70s had no fucking clue they didn't fucking chris rush didn't know about that shit no that's why you're a true original chris rock wasn't talking about that shit if you want

npr music break comedy there's one place you can get it yeah i know but i think they're like that is the thing i just watched the comedy store documentary and i feel like at the comedy store you could have walked in at the comedy store any decade and heard the same joke yeah i think you're right that ain't yeah yeah and i have and there's so many great comments it's fine it's fine yeah the audience will always crave you know my girlfriend has her period joke yeah because their girlfriend has their period yeah we it's relatable and i and then meanwhile i've been with my wife for 10 years and i'm like has she ever gotten her period yeah she's i've never

seen her naked so there's no way to know yeah i'm saving myself for death there it is there it is uh my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Pet Finder app. Where we'll find you a nice Bichon Frise that you can give to your grandmother who lives in Boca Raton. I don't really have anything coming up. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden, where i am are much uh much worse andy richter and uh watch sex unzipped on netflix and listen to all fantasy everything there you go and then you can poke around portland whatever day you're going to be here and try to find me and you at a bar yeah you'll find that it'll be fun you'll find that real i'm excited i'm excited to see you as Andy Richter's equal.

I like, honestly, I will say that, uh, yeah, the, the first 20 or so minutes of late late shows can't miss at this point. It's so fun.

It's, it's, it's what, it's what we wanted to do from the outset too. If you remember, I do believe it is what we were, we thought the show too if you remember i do believe it is what we were we thought the show was going to be for the first you know what still gets me is last year when james goes you know what we call thanksgiving in london and you go thanksgiving yeah still

a year later i think about it because it was like the most someone's ever got their face ripped off that i've seen in a while so it's like oh my god like i i can't believe he hosted the show the next day after that yeah yeah it was facial reconstruction surgeon we this was what the show was originally supposed to sean for those of you who don't know uh sean myself and james davis were the three original writers of the late late show yeah in a trailer now we're a thousand episodes later but originally it was supposed to be like a much more less like a less traditional kind of more open format sort of thing yeah where they i think like very specifically the reason why the three of us were picked where they were like oh yeah there's going to be lots of on camera

opportunities and you guys are on stage all the time and uh just you know things went differently less moonves and jay leno made sure that didn't happen yeah jay leno has had his finger in every pot of late night since 1985 and every pot he stirs it up and then he just goes off to count his cars and he drives away and chitty chitty bang bang and fucking doesn't touch his late uh late night money it was we did test shows where i was like the bartender what's essentially what i do now and leslie moonves has made sure that was not going to be the case on our show dare i say the only bad decision he's ever made. Yep.

I mean, you know, fuck. Babe Ruth struck out a lot too. I was thinking, you know, it'd be very funny because have you guys ever seen Jay Leno in the wild? I did.

I saw him. Right. Right. When I moved there, you do always see him in a weird car, but would would you even think twice if you saw him in the oscar meyer wienermobile he'd just be like of course he has that in the collection it'd be weird if he didn't have one that's an iconic ride yeah just going around town

dealing out denim dogs yeah i mean i'm fucking every time i've seen him he is in full denim i mean that's him on a hog by the brebank airport just for a room and full denim different color which is such a weird he does give you exactly what you you want like he is so aggressively jay leno that there's like you know you can't be disappointed it's like what you see is what you get homer simpson or doug funny in the wild like they're in that outfit doing that shit yeah that's what i like that's what i love like i remember uh nifer and all writer of late late show brilliant we were we were we uh we helped out a little bit with adam sandler's netflix special uh writing jokes and

like he took us out to dinner one night and we went to like this really nice italian restaurant in the pacific palisades and he like basketball shorts hoodie i was like this fucking rules sandler does exactly what you think he's gonna do he's the greatest that's amazing so dope he fucking figured it out be comfortable be comfortable and then it became a thing about him where you're like oh awesome he's dressed how he dresses it's honestly like truly i i like when celebrities look relaxed and like because like when i was watching sopranos my main takeaway i was like you know tony must feel really comfortable in those clothes. His clothes look so comfortable.

None of them. You know he's never like TC tugged his shirt. Never. No, they're always a size bigger than they need to be. Yeah. And I'm like, how do I get to that? That level of comfortability in my day-to-day life. Just silk polo shirts all the time.

in my day-to-day life just silk polo shirts all the time do you think he had do you think he buys those clothes or do you think like karm goes out and buys him his outfits and brings them back and then that's why he never has to she knows to get a size bigger he never thinks about it he doesn't shop i bet yeah you know what like he doesn't buy any of those i feel like carmela's not buying him clothes either but this is an interesting thing. How come you never see TV characters shopping for clothes? I want to know, because everyone does it differently. I go in, I pick a bunch of things, and then I run up and buy. But there's other people who take their time.

I want to know that. That's a show. Is he grazing? Where we just take TV characters, put them in the mall and see what happens? Yeah. Is he going there with his friends? Is he going alone? Yeah.

Like, is Pauly Walnuts going with him? Like, do they have like a tailor that's doing that is doing those for them? Like the like the like cool velour sweatsuits? Well, I have a hard time shopping with friends because i never buy the stuff i want because if i even get like kind of a weird look i'm just like oh it's stupid i'm not gonna buy it i have to go by myself to actually get something that's on me that's on me for being so openly judgmental no no it's fair if next time i pull the yellow hoodie move if you don't tell me i I'll be furious. I'll always tell you. I need it in my life.

Yeah. Everybody needs it. Nobody has it. I have it. So thank you. I need it. Well, the other thing we have is a fantasy draft to get to. Yeah.

No, I want to talk about clothes a little more, dude. Another hour or so. I mean, we can. It can come up during this episode because what we're drafting is a fictional bachelor party. We are. We're drafting five fictional characters with whom we would like to have a, at our bachelor party. Right. That's correct.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Sean, this was your idea. Sean O'Connor,

this was your idea. What made you think of this? You know what? I was, I was just trying to think of fictional characters in a party or like a dinner. And then I was like, you know,

I, I think we make it more specific. Yeah. Like do a bachelor party. Like honestly, a bachelor party, all of your friends, like true motives come out. Yes. Like do a bachelor party. Like honestly, a bachelor party, all of your friends, like true motives come out.

Yes. And I want to, I want to, I want to, I like to have a mix of people at any party anyway. So I, I think this will be fun and we'll get to see who, what kind of bachelor parties each other,

each of us will. I figured myself out real quick on this one. Sean Jordan and i have actual bachelor parties on the horizon so this is this is a fitting topic yeah yeah i almost was thinking like there's people that are like like i whoever i pick i can kind of peg who that's going to be for real there you love pegging yeah yeah i'm a pegger now the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the two of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot

oh i pulled up oh sean jordan wins i could have completely cheated at that point but i did it i'm an honest person i respect you for not cheating sean jordan is on a hot streak now that's two in a row sean jordan as as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, my friend, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. Now, a serpentine draft, for those who don't know, I don't know why I do it to myself.

I could just skip it. Basically, the draft goes one way, stays over there for a while, and then comes back. So essentially, it's like if you're doing a chest pass drill in basketball where you shuffle sideways down the court. So you start with the pumpkin. You chest pass it because the fundamentals are where it's at. People forget that.

You don't need to be flashy. Fundamentals. So spend a couple hours every day chest passing. So you chest pass, and you shuffle down the court sideways so the person that you pass it to kind of has it for a while on the far side of the court. And then they just pass the pumpkin back to you. They get three steps.

Yeah, you get three steps. Is that what it is? So you shuffle three. And then they pass the pumpkin back to you. And then the whole time you're like, let's try to think up different names for the pumpkin. So then you pass the rock back to them. And then they feed you. And then I'm out of names.

So then you pass them back to the pumpkin. So you're all the way down the court. That's exactly how a serpentine draft works. Perfect. Basically, what it means is if you pick third in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, Sean Jordan, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? O'Connor. Right.

Carmel. Whoa. And then me. I'm scared because I need to see what you guys are doing because i feel basic this we just drafted basic shit this this draft made me feel real basic so i need to see where we're going i have some uh notions of who you might be taking i uh well there it is sean o'connor you are up first in the fictional character all fantasy everything uh bachelor party draft and we will get to that first pick right after this short break.

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b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it except of course for the upcoming uh what is what's your new podcast called sean you and brenda yeah oh off the records with b money and the okan man yeah that's right well that's it those are the only two as far as podcasts go as far as recorded content goes it's those two podcasts and then the records that sean and walsh are going to talk about on their podcast but that's it that's the only thing that's been committed to sonic history sean o'connor what will your first pick be okay so i've been thinking about this i had a minor bachelor party and i i kind of found out

that like i'm a weenie and all of my friends are weenies we didn't really go hard we saw a band called fart barf yeah which uh like who are great like if you've never heard the band fart barf i would recommend them they're very interesting that's who shane used to be the lead singer for right fart bar yeah yeah but uh yeah like and then yeah we uh it was it was so i want to in this fantasy bachelor party i want to like go for it and i want a money man number one is what i've chosen i have a money man and i think i have a list but i i think i'm gonna go with tracy jordan from 30 rock oh that's so good yeah uh like i was torn between him and another character but i think like with tracy jordan like he has a ton of money and he's all about dumb fun and like somebody's getting pregnant yeah and i i want that for my bachelor party. I love Tracy Jordan. He was born in Yankee Stadium, which not many people could say.

And yeah, a perfect character. Dude, I didn't even think about it. That's the best pick. You would have so much fun with him. He's so fun. He has an entourage. So instantly you have more people there. I'm acquiring like a real

rogues gallery that's my that's my mission for this episode i'm yeah so you okay you went in a in the good similar direction i'm i'm with you so this bachelor party is going to be happening it's got to happen in new york if you're doing with tracy jordan right yeah new york but i think we're hitting all five boroughs. That's my goal for this. It's going to be a real, it's going to start at 6 p.m. and go to 6 p.m. the next day. What was the craziest night you ever had in New York?

You know what? Like, there's so many. I mean, there was one time where my, where Julie McCullough left me at a hospital after I punched the wall and broke my hand. that was crazy in a not that crazy way but i think there was this one night i i don't think it was it was maybe not new year's but we we just bar hopped till like 7 a.m but we just kept acquiring people at bars and we wound up becoming like this group of like 30 people strong and one of the people that joined our group was josh hartnett so we wound up hanging out with josh hartnett for like

five hours and everyone was just like so wasted and just being like we're going to be friends forever especially with josh hartnett and like oh my god yeah like i think he was he smoked and i smoked so we just kept splitting cigarettes and i was like this is it this is my this is my true hollywood story yeah hartnett's gonna like call his agent on monday and be like i found the guy he's sweaty i bet you that's so fun for someone like a josh hartnett to be just just drunk enough in the night and find that group where you're like i'm famous but they're not gonna be crazy about it they're all gonna know that i'm famous all night but they're not gonna be weird and i can just latch on and have fun i bet you that's a blast it was really fun and i

remember the night ended we were all like walking and it was sunny out. Everyone was just like, you know, still hammered. And my friend Andrew got us all to just scream, I love New York at the top of our lungs. So like there are people like going to work and we're just screaming, I love New York. They're just like, shut up. Yeah, shut up. This sucks. This is, I love New York. They're just like, shut up. Yeah, shut up. This sucks. This is why I hate New York.

Those people who are awake when they're supposed to be are fucking, there's never been a bigger betrayal than when you see someone jogging or going to work. Stop it. Not today. Take today off. No, I will say, yeah, there was a lot of nights in New York where I would come home and it would be sunny. And I had a roommate who maybe you guys know him, Scott Rogowski. He's a sweet, sweet man.

But he had a day job and was always very mad when I would be coming in at 7 and he was like getting in his like suiting. And I was just like, oh. I think we had three fights as roommates and they were all in those moments and uh our old roommate nick once told me because i was blackout drunk he was like do you remember yelling at scott that he's not your dad in those high tension moments scott was probably mostly just jealous that he wasn't also going out probably yeah i mean like that no one wants to see their roommate coming back having a coming back from i i would were a turn of the century british colonialist living in hong kong yes you absolutely were

uh that's a tracy jordan is an amazing pick that would be so fun you would end up like getting the shoes you were wearing bronzed probably while they were still on your feet it'd be amazing uh shit it's time for my first pick I'm not used to going so early I threw you in here and I didn't I almost feel bad but I just had to get a read no no no no I'll take it all right I'm gonna I'm gonna take a a weird pick i think it's a weird pick but it's a big tone setting pick okay i love the kind of nights where they like start one like it's good to have a plan so you can deviate from it you know that's why i like having a plan like with my actual bachelor party i think it's going to be in las Vegas. And the thing I love about that is you never know where you're going to end up. Now, I want to take the prototypical, you never know where you're going to end up.

Like, the king of you never know where you're going to end up. Now, I might not spend most of the night talking with this guy, but I'm taking Forrest Gump. Oh! He would be a black. He would definitely enjoy everything politely. You would enjoy everything politely, but also you would end up like running into crazy famous people. He's like history's greatest zealot.

You would like end up running into famous people. You'd be there when like a new kind of music was invented that night. Like all this crazy shit would happen. You know what I mean? You would like ease tensions with North korea on accident somehow yeah i mean i love that because that is truly your elite you have a bachelor party you could talk about forever forever i think a lot of bachelor parties are like let's never talk about this again yeah and you are like oh man it was great kim jong-un was there like kim jong-un was hanging out he was being chill timothy chalamet was there when he like signed

on to play you know willie wonka it was awesome yeah you like have a conversation that changes where the next olympics are going to be held somehow exactly we convinced lebron to retire that night oh yeah that's right every night that was documented in forrest gump's life like every every moment that we saw that was documented completely changed the world yeah completely so imagine you get him on a fucking like you know 48 hour bender in las vegas or something like that it'd be amazing yeah yeah the thing about vegas that people don't get there that i guess i'm it's all fairly confined so you can, you can have one of those nights where everybody is hanging out and everything and you can't really get too separated because you're not going too many places.

It's like a nine block radius, right? Yeah. But if you get separated, you can get very separated. I have never been. The only time we went to the old strip and i felt like naked almost because i was like we're not i'm not in the walls right now yeah i don't know what's going on picture it like yeah vegas is kind of like very compressed 20 sim cities so like if you are separated from your friend you're essentially in a new sim city yeah you're you're like i'm in rome

i'm in rome right now fucking venice that's what yeah yeah it's like yeah no there's venice there's rome there's uh new york like there's the hooters casino like you can you can casino it's pick your poison baby like i've i have luckily i haven't had this sensation in vegas but you know that kind of drunk where you're like get dropped off at your house but you don't know you're in front of your house like that level of drunk yeah imagine having that in las vegas where you don't even know how to get home the one thing is like you could just go i don't know i don't know god that'd be so scary it would because also every hotel is like elaborate yeah they all have like it's like four cornered

in the middle and then you have to pick which i was gonna say like you could just go pass out somewhere but i don't thinking about it you don't really see people passed out because it's like disneyland they'll just take you and grab you into a clandestine hallway yeah it does seem harder to get like so rip-roaring drunk in vegas because of all the lights and like the fake oxygen that's pumped into everywhere that i do think you are kind of and you're walking around a lot yeah you're sweating you're around people there's excitement your adrenaline is beating it down yeah you never really do see those people who are just like you know trying to open a wall right as if it's a door passed out in a 24-hour foot action

it's so i remember being there i was so shocked and i walked just to see if i could do it walked into like the walgreens with a beer and i was holding it like in front of me all the employees they looked at me like i was such a moron and they're like yeah man it's absolutely you can do that here and I was like no way the employees cheers do you with theirs it's crazy it's such a crazy crazy place yeah I don't know it's it's just astonishing to me that it's all legal and that's how it goes I yeah las vegas and new orleans i think are just the two greatest places like still never been to new orleans man i know my my absolute number one favorite city so it's so weird like and like it's a party city

but then there's also ghosts so great i forget who i was talking to about new orleans so forgive me for i'm repeating someone's story who i'm not going to give them credit but they were like at a bar and they pulled out a it might have been bronga i've heard they pulled out a stool and there was a cat asleep on it and the bartender was like yeah you can't sit there that's that cat's chair but he's only sitting there because that other cat took his seat it was like another cat down the bar and sitting in another one whoever's story that is i do please tell me and i'll tweet it but like i've like that's fucking new orleans it's the greatest city in the world that i've been to it's fucking

perfect oh let's all go let's go let's go tonight i'd love to take a red eye sure max is still screaming i need to get out of here forrest gump dude that's my first uh first pick sean jordan your first and second picks uh first pick i want a rock star that's always been like obviously a fantasy i just want to go hang out with a rock star live the life now in this scenario i'm a really good friend of theirs, so they will treat me as such. I'm not going to be just like some hanger on, but I'm picking all the snow from Get Him to the Greek. Oh, okay. It's going to be a tough night, but he's the rock star pass that we have for anything that we want to do. I don't know,

anywhere we want to get in, anything we want, anything we need for the night. He's the famous person. He's the card that we can pull anywhere. And I'm going off of forgetting Sarah Marshall and get him to the Greek, but all the snow seems awesome to me. So I just think I'd want him hanging out. You don't like it? There's a lot of darkness in that guy. I think I could bring out the light yeah i think you i think for like 24 hours you might have him yeah we're not i don't want it because and i debated this a lot because i wanted to pick him in forgetting sarah marshall but he's sober and i can't i don't know it'd be tough i can't expect somebody to come hang out

but knowing him from forgetting sarah marshall you see him and how funny he is, like how effortlessly funny he is. Now, he doesn't really think anything is a huge deal, which is great for a bachelor party. I don't want anyone getting mad about anything I want. Easy going, calm, go with the flow type dude. Yeah. Plus he's a rock star, which I don't know.

I'll never be a rock star. I want to be treated as such. Sean? Yeah, I agree with you. i think this is a good pick because i do think at a bachelor party you need that person that like your core group of friends don't truly relate to yeah and they're kind of the outcast but they're an outcast that also just doesn't give a shit about the world so they will go above and beyond who they even are to give you the best night possible and i'm not i'm not the best decision maker for a night like this i found out numerous times ian quarterbacks these nights when we when like our

vegas trips or whatever i never do it i just kind of i'm like yeah hell yeah let's do it so i think he'd be a good quarterback to be like yeah okay you're looking for a good night here's where we're going here's what we're going to do here's who we're going to call to get this i've done this a million times yeah and he'll know like the underground places that you're going to do something that's a little like seedy and you're like oh wow i didn't know panda they do panda fights i always thought they were like but you're like this is a memory that i will have forever i think within reason we can trust everyone too because everybody kind of wants to be friends with the rock star so they're not going to like fuck us or anything so i think you know within

reason i'm not going to take crazy drugs from a lunatic but i think you know they'd be like sure you're with all the snow come right here i got you we'll hook you up for the night oh there's nowhere you're not going to be able to go yeah so i think i think that would be good for the rock star pick and to fill in like to fill in my crew i kind of just want people that i want to kick it with yeah and uh i i there's quite a few on the list but this one comes to mind because he again this fictional world that he lives in, he's just one of the coolest people that I've ever seen in fiction. I don't know how tore up he's going to get, but he's down for the night for sure. And he's cool.

I'm picking Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I like Wayne hanging out. I think Wayne would be a good heat check for me sometimes. He'd just be down for whatever's going on. He'd be grateful. He'd be stoked. And I don't think he's going to get the most tour up at the party, but I think he'd be a blast to have around because he's just a rad dude. is they're always talking about partying and you never see them drinking or smoking anything. No, they never party. No, and in fact, but they are good friends

because their friend who actually does party, they like, are his designated driver. Yeah, they take care of him. And they stay out all night. They are willing to party. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So here's where that comes from Rude Boy. My friend John, who's been sober our whole life, hangs out, has hung out with

us till the sun comes up so many times. And I'm just like on the way home. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I don't know. We're friends. All right. You grew up in South Dakota and you have a friend named Rude Boy. Like, are you like the train spot?

We got we got some some fun names but yeah it's that's like no i won't do it with every pick but that's like when i was thinking i was like he hung out all the time and i had the most fun of some of some of my whole life with him and just because he he enjoyed doing all these things and he just didn't want to do drink or do drugs or anything i was like i need i can have that at the party let's have that at the party are you afraid oh sorry go ahead oh i was gonna say he would be like he'll be perfect without this note too because he has such he has such like a reverential treatment of rock stars yeah yeah as long as he didn't alice cooper up he would have to like you would always have to give him the green light now ian you were gonna ask if i'm afraid being in a new house without a plunger in sight but two bathrooms is that where

you're gonna ask that's right yeah yeah i know it's a bit of a left turn but i'm worried about the first day the first day we were here i i don't know if i told you this i came out first day we lived here i come out and sit on the couch and i was like boy i don't want to tell you this but i need the plunger and i don't know where it's at. It's just like the least sexy thing you can do. And she was like, I think it's in the garage. I was like, we're going to need more than think. We're going to need to know where it's at or I'm going to get one. At least you have two bathrooms. That was like one of the, I wasn't too picky with the crib. I was like, I want a dope backyard if we can get it one thing i i desperately want is two bathrooms and we got it because that it's just better for everyone if something crazy needs to

happen yeah but there's an extra you know just better but anyway yeah wayne campbell i think um he's funny too he's gonna be a good like dude like he is like he you need fucking you need the loose balloon in the room and you need someone who's going to be like chill and kind of by your side and everything like that. He's going to be funny and like and grounded, I feel like. Yeah, I feel like, too. And that's a good like a good thing. Sean pointed out the glaring oversight on my part that he loves rock stars. So him and Aldis will probably get along as long as he doesn't bow down too hard.

Yeah. But also you also need someone at your bachelor party who has the courage to swing, and he has the courage to swing. Yeah, he'll swing. And he'll be so grateful for everything that we get to do with all the snow. Yeah.

Yeah, so, yeah, Wayne Campbell. It's a good fucking pick, dude. Thanks. Thanks, bro. It's time for my second pick. For my second pick. Okay. I'm going to go with,

I'm going to go with, uh, Eli cash from the Royal Tannenbaums. Ooh. Which one's character? Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Perfect. I feel like he, again, this is another, these are people who are going to be on the periphery of the group but he's like kind of full of shit he can get kind of fun drugs yeah and he's gonna he'll be able to like talk his way into any situation and just for like a night come on that guy's fun he's gonna be wearing a cowboy hat and a fringe jacket yes one of the honestly one of the most fun

characters in film history like yeah he's just he he lies through his teeth yeah he he does not like subscribe to anyone's boundaries like he'll have sex with his best friend's sister who even though his best friend's in love with his sister act like it's not a big deal exactly he's loose he's chill like he dresses like a cowboy but acts like a surfer yeah eli cash rule he fucking rules he'd be so much fun that's what i like honestly there's something sort of charming to me about when somebody does something that i think is wrong but they honestly don't think it's wrong like all the snow is the same way where you're like you just you can't have sex with

anyone and they're like why you're like man you really don't i guess you weren't trying to hurt me so that's something you know he's he strikes me as also one of the best lines ever what my book predisposes is maybe he didn't maybe he did it he's so proud of himself when he says that too good he'd be i also i like fucking bloviators i always have like people like like i like being at dinner with him somebody who going to like get up on a pulpit. You know what I mean? And like talk for like a long time. I guess. Well, and he's got stories, too, about all the tenenbaums.

You get all the dirt. You get all these fun stories. I feel like with you in general, too. I feel like at that bachelor party dinner, you and him in the middle of the table, not to take so much from Curb Your Enthusiasm, but you guys are middlemen. Yeah. Like you guys can actually like volley back and forth and like I think like that conversation is something I want to be a part of like you will both go off on tangents and yes that instantly your bachelor party dinner dinner the most the thing that people talk about least will become probably one of the

more interesting parts of the night thank you you for saying that, first of all. But yeah, I think the dinner is like a crucial part of a bachelor party. And this is like my let's make sure that dinner is great pick. Yeah, that is. Man, I never I'm I'm used to sort of drag South Dakota through the mud. I'm used to these bachelor parties back home where it's just like 20 dudes would get a bus and just get obliterated in 20 minutes and then just like pretty much fight like go either fight they would they would go to these bars and i'm like why are you going to wiley's and they're like probably fuck somebody up dude and i'm like that sounds fun to you i don't

know like the old maybe it's the older i get but yeah like a nice dinner i never even thought about that as being part of a bachelor party oh yeah but that's like definitely the best you dip your feet in you don't really need to you know pre-game because that's dinner now that you're old yeah i will say as somebody who's been to bachelor parties fucking people up is not a part of them like i don't think it's you getting older well i never maybe i'm getting older but i don't i don't think we should stomp out anyone in my bachelor. There's been some rowdy ones. There was the... I can't even tell the story.

If I think about it, I'll tell you guys. But there was one that was so gnarly. I can't do it. Anyway. You can't say it on the podcast. No, I've shied away from it forever because it's like the one story where I'm like, I cannot believe that nobody got in trouble. I still, to this day, I'm like, I cannot believe that nobody got in trouble. I still, to this day, I'm like, I'm going to be back home and tell the wrong person

this story. And they're going to be like, oh, that was, I know who that was. And then it's going to, it's just crazy to me that it was, it involved, we were at a bachelor, I was 18. I was too young to be at the strip club. We ended up coming out, bit of an altercation. I've heard this story. Yeah.

And then a buddy of mine, we had to go to the hospital because he it was fine but you know he got stabbed there was a bunch of vandalism he got stabbed with a golf club i like how i think it sounds better he got stabbed with like the back of a broken golf club not a knife but it's different but it was a crazy story and that was i was like this is a bachelor party sorry for being so vague i know that's probably not fun to listen to but no i love it the vagary is what makes the story to me yeah the point is like the fun part of a bachelor party now and i do feel like joking aside a part of me getting older at least me shedding like a lot of the buckness is now i want to be like yes let's calmly sit and chill gradually get bucker through the night and then where we go will our buckness

will dictate where we go like if we're feeling crazy you go to the roost or something like that you know or whatever vegas's version of the roost is anyway um perfect sean o'connor time for your second pick all right my second pick you know uh I went with the money man oh it's Tracy Jordan now I need like my loyal wingman and I don't think there's a loyal wingman as good as Chewbacca oh no oh shit I thought I had him he was gonna be my muscle at the end I really I thought I had him too I was gonna be like I want this guy in the background making sure everything's cool yeah especially if i'm going out at a bachelor party and there's people out there just trying to fuck us up damn it you really another you really got

me there yeah listen he's he's great it's it sounds like some like i i guarantee he knows tracy jordan period yeah yeah but tracy jordan got banned from most isolated cantina he's pretty sure knows yeah man so yeah i just love chewbacca like he i think he'd just be like really fun and loyal and like want to hang out and like party he uh dude he's got our back he's got your back he's the muscle he can fuck he can drive because he drives the millennium falcon he likes to gamble you know what i mean he plays that fucking chess game he's he's perfect oh the chess game he knows how to play sabacc from solo the guy the guy is the king and honestly with the millennium falcon and doe we're not even limited to one city or planet no right like he's the and he's like he's definitely

if you do get in the wrong situations, he's like, I've been here before. I know what's going on. Like, don't worry. Don't worry. I got it. It'll be fine.

Yeah. I mean, he was, I love Chewbacca and you know, I gotta, I gotta pick Chewbacca. And then my, my third pick,

uh, and this is like where I'm, I'm just starting to build out my group and like, really like trying to get, get someone with intangibles i'm gonna have to go with uh seth from super bad yeah because you know all he wants is a good time he doesn't care what it takes to have that good time he's not he's a loyal but he also will throw that away to get himself into trouble but i I want that at the party.

I want him, he's funny, he's, yeah. I like Seth from Superbad. Yeah, Seth is a great pick. There's a few characters that hold up over, how old's Superbad? 15 years? I don't know, but he's just still, when I watch it, I'm like, my God, that's funny.

It's so good. You need a mouth man, too. You need somebody who's going to talk shit, who's going to get you into trouble at a bachelor party. And then Chewbacca will back it up. I feel like Seth and Chewbacca are really like this tandem team that I want to see. If there's a place you can't get into, when everyone else is like, all right, let's just keep it moving, he'll be like, no, no fuck that we're getting in there and go back and then all of a sudden you're getting like led back to a booth yeah exactly yeah we're we're we're walking in through the kitchen and shit like we're doing good fellas without the invite he's just that's just like a good solid fuck that's

your like uh that's your fucking uh oh my god who's that basketball player it's just like a solid role player kind of shane baddie x yeah he is a solid role player and you know what like in the past afe mel kuyper jr has like been very uh critical of my picks yeah well he's a bully yeah i'm trying to go straight down the middle to appease him maybe that's not the right like maybe i should be playing this for myself he just got rocked up when you heard him say that he's a terrorist I am letting the terrorist and I think I also said terrorist

so I'll follow you for that he's a terrorist he's a terrorist he's a fucking terrorist. Seth from Superbad. That's a great pick. Time for my third pick. When we were texting about this draft,

we were talking about how you need a scumbag. You need somebody who's going to appeal to humanity or whatever's worst instincts. You need somebody who's going to get you into trouble because you need a little bit of trouble on a bachelor party. So I'm taking the ghost with the most. I'm taking Beetlejuice. Just having Beetlejuice getting us into all sorts of scrapes using his,

I mean, using his magic. He's fucking fun. You want to fucking party with that guy. He seriously doesn't do anything that bad in the movie where i'm like he i mean he does try to marry a 16 year old yeah yeah yeah yeah and he's like a thousand years old oh she is she is a child you're right he does okay he has yeah does he kill here you go does he kill those prostitutes no does he see when i was a kid

okay before i really gathered that it was like sex and prostitutes i does he see when i was a kid okay before i really gathered that it was like sex and prostitutes i thought he ate them i thought he was like oh they look yeah and i thought after because he goes in and then they cut to him sitting on the balcony or whatever i thought he ate them that's what i thought i thought they were i mean in one way he did because i have no doubtlejuice eats pussy. Beetlejuice for sure eats pussy. Beetlejuice prefers eating pussy.

If he could just do one thing, that would be it. Yeah, it's his favorite sex position. I just want to see Beetlejuice existing in the kind of situations that Forrest Gump gets us into. Oh my god, yes. Also, because he has a direct line to the netherworld you it opens up an entire other world of people getting pulled into forrest gump shenanigans like all of a sudden like he's reunited with richard nixon yeah you're a bachelor party gangas con richard nixon and forrest gump were like doing fucking tequila shots I think and Hitler was there yeah that's so

good that's so good it's so good you your world is I I'm going from fucking planet to planet with Chewbacca yeah but your world is limitless that's limitless I think you're like sitting at breakfast the next day and you and you're just like oh my god was Joanan of arc there for a second that's man that's sick beetlejuice is such a good pick i love it he would be so i'm again okay he did some bad stuff take out the couple things i would love to hang out with i've always thought that the whole time i've seen like my whole childhood i'm like this dude's pretty dope like if you he could almost be the good guy if you switched two things or something yeah if you take out the one thing of him trying to marry a teenage girl yeah everything else about him he's so much more fun yeah baldwin and gina davis like he really is the ghost of the most it is not there's sticks in the mud man he's extremely fun

they're big time the shit damn it that was great man uh yeah beetle gay essay uh sean jordan time for your third pick all right man it's no beetle juice i like i want this pick because i think everybody so this character is so unabashedly themselves yeah they're a bit of a buffoon i think it would make for a very fun interesting night and i think everybody i don't think it would make for a very fun, interesting night. And I think everybody, I don't think anybody would make fun of him. I think everybody would be like, all right, we'll take you for what you are. We're going to have fun with you. I'm picking Ali G.

Oh! I like Ali G. I like me and Ali G. I know it's an older reference. But I just was thinking, because again, it's someone where, at the start of the show,

I was like, man, I wish that guy was real. I wish he wasn't a character. I wish this was like a real dude who was honestly asking such stupid questions because it'd be so fun to hang out with somebody whose view of the world was just jewelry and pants and just like want you know how appreciative he'd be like hanging out the rock i'm right here dude i'm your friend in real life yeah that's all i care about what's what's up with ian oh he's either jewelry shopping or pants shopping man you know him two modes or it's sunday and he's doing both there's two kinds of people in this

world that's what that's what i think jewelry people and pants people dude and i'm bold i just ollie g would be so fun to hang out with if it was real if he was a real dude can you imagine watching those interviews if you're just like man if this guy was fucking serious this would change the world if this was like a famous interviewer who really was serious and this was his life i'd be so stoked and i think it'd be fun i think it'd be a fun little addition to have uh just for i don't know this is like it's this is all me i just want to hang out and he kind of like another friend of mine that I don't want to say because he told me not to talk about him anymore on this show. I'm also enjoying

how British your bachelor party is. Very British. I think at this point we're going to have to just call it a stag night. Yeah. You're having a stag do. They do call it a stag night, don't they? Yeah, a stag. And then the lady says a hen, having a hen's night.

They call them do's. A stag do and a hen do. Oh, those sound like judo moves. Yeah. So Ali G, I think it'd be a blast to have. And then four, I like a man with a silver tongue too, who can get us in anywhere. Although all the snow is already going to do it.

But I just like this guy. He can talk everyone off the ledge. It's like the next best thing to a muscle man is having somebody who can diffuse a situation very nicely. So I'm picking Trent from Swingers. Vince Vaughn. A little double down. Okay.

I just, again, would love him to be hanging around. I got another friend that I think he is kind of like. And I just think it'd be a rad time to have that crew kicking it. I called some audibles, honestly, because you guys, you didn't go as crazy as I was. I'm stoked. So, yeah, I just I like Trent. He I think every group of friends has a Trent to like Trent is a very relatable, real character. Yeah. Who is the guy

who doesn't want the night to end. He thinks he's fast talking, but he's not as smart as he... Like, I grew up with a... I was not... I was, I guess, the Mike of my group.

But I have, like, five Trents and, like, one Sue. I like the way that they do show... Like, they only show him sloppy a couple times and it's one night where they're with they're all out and sue's trying to like pitch an excuse to this girl he's like oh i could i tried to call you and trent goes that's funny i never saw you

leave long enough to make a phone call i figured i would have noticed that at some point we were together all night and it's that energy i'm just like yeah dude give it to him don't let him let me make him be honest and then the other when he's at the whatever they're at the diner and he's just being such a fun drunk like I don't have a lot of patience for that kind

of end of the night ruining everybody else's night at the diner but he's so fun with it when he like hands his plate to the back he's like eat that I'd never eat this you want it I would never eat this. You want it? I would never eat this. He just seems like my maximum tolerance I have right now for that kind of attitude is how he gets at the end of swingers. And I was like, cool, that's probably where we'll draw the line at ruining other people's nights. So, yeah, I just think it'd be fun to have old Trent.

That's a great pick. Double down. Thanks, man. So, yeah, I just think it'd be fun to have old Trent. That's a great double down. Thanks, man. For my fourth pick, I need like. I just I just want like kind of a sassier energy around.

I think it's something I think it's something that like, you know, I have a scumbag. I have I force Gump was very innocent. I have Eli Cash was full of shit and fun. I need the person calling Eli Cash out on their bullshit. I'm taking Ruby Rod, Chris Tucker's character from The Fifth Element. Yeah, dude. You know, I'd be interested to see how much, like who's come up on the show the most, but that character has come up 30 times.

Yeah, probably quite a few times. I fucking, I just want that. If like we're all getting hammered, I think it would be a bit obnoxious if like you were just hanging out with him one-on-one. But I think in a group dynamic for 24 to 48 booze-filled hours, I think he'd be really fun to have around.

Yeah, and the group will dilute him a little bit. Yeah. It's like he'll have to sit down sometimes. And he'll be entertained, too. He'll be like, oh, cool. This is what it's like to calm down a little bit he's also flashy so i think like at the bachelor party like other than forrest gump who's a magnet for famous people throughout history uh like he will draw attention to the party and like create it will create an energy like that i think you know you need you need your your party is like shaping up real nice i think it's a fun it's helping the dinner out again too it's i mean

every part of the night but it's like that dinner is going to be it's going to be the loudest it's going to be that table that either you hate or that you wish you were at at the dinner i wish i was a man those are i'm like 50 50 on those when i i mean it's shit we haven't really been to dinners lately but like when you go out most times i can tolerate the people that are having a they're having a too good of a time but i'm like that they're cutting loose it's what i really don't like is loud swearing i don't know why that's like my one thing where i'm like don't swear if you're gonna be loud i'm fine with it but like in any book kids might be it's like come on yeah it's it's a bit much like and i honestly i yeah i agree that is very midwestern of me uh and i i am not from the midwest i am

from new jersey where loud swearing while eating was invented but yeah i uh i agree with that um sean it's time for your fourth and then your final picks as it is okay draft okay for the fourth always rubbing the eyes yeah for the fourth pick i i already have a wheel man but that's for the galaxy i want a wheel man for like when we're going around town i'm gonna pick somebody who's also loyal to a fault somebody who's gonna get very emotional at the end of the night wait when he's talking about how this group of friends is not just a group of friends they're actually a family i'm picking dom toretto from pacifist again reasonably sober dom i feel like the end of the night he'd be like everybody good

no i had a couple coronas i'm fine yeah yeah just coronas he's not getting he's not getting wasted he's just he's sipping back on a corona he's listening to everyone because he doesn't really like talking i feel like him and chewbacca are the same yeah but at times different because i do think i think dom is a bit more confident than chewbacca i think chewbacca runs a little hotter than than than dom terretto too he's a little more confident yeah yeah like yeah although i think there's an instant you get some you get some deep aggression aggressive dom you know in the new one where they're showing young dom and you're like whoa he did snap and kill that guy with a wrench oh yeah but that's all that's young

that's young dom but i also like what i, he did snap and kill that guy with a wrench. Yeah, but that's young Dom. But I also, like, what I like is that our bachelor party dinner, everyone has all these stories that they could tell and Dom sitting there quietly. Meanwhile, the most interesting life possible. Like, tell us more about this safe heist in Rio

de Janeiro. Yeah, so you're just driving through the favela with a tank behind you? Wait a second. How do you know all favela with a behind you wait a second how do you know all the cops in rio and dubai yeah wait a second you threw a cop spine first into a stone pillar and you guys were both fine you were just doing that back you were going through concrete yeah he's like yeah every city you go to somebody with a goatee says this is and then the name of that city this is real you know like i all the stories are kind of the same yeah but we like him because at the end of the night he really does get emotional with you he's like

talking about like how important this friendship is to. And I think that's a great thing that it acts as a bridge between the debauchery of the bachelor party and your marriage. He's there as the bridge to adulthood. He's going to give a great speech. Yeah. Oh my God. You know he is. And he's going to be grilling a meat.

You don't need to do that. We're at a restaurant, Dom. Has Dom ever seen snow oh man yeah yeah yeah yeah they were in fucking Antarctica dude they were okay he loved it he's good in every terrain

he's the perfect he's a machine and then my fifth pick I'm going with Pollyie walnuts from the sopranos yep you know i just i just want him he's a perfect yes man like he's gonna have funny things to say i think him and seth are gonna like really hit it off i think so too they're kind of yeah yeah and like you know what like he'll get us into some shit and he'll also make sure everyone keeps their mouth shut it's a bachelor party you

gotta get into something you know yeah you want to have your own stories to tell i love it he's older he's a new jersey guy like i need a new jersey guy there like i need somebody who i i don't the one thing i do worry about is i think him and tracy jordan will have there might be some racist stuff between them but i will talk to paulie walnuts before it and be like hey man don't do that like no matter how fun the night gets we're not going to be that comfortable with him they'll say it to each other yes that is that it's also true it's gonna be fun to say paulie walnuts it by like midnight to everyone paulie walnuts says paulie walnuts that wally paul nuts dude oh my god i love him what a great character

and you know just a loyal street man i'm going for loyalty respect and debauchery. Perfect. I'm staying in that loyalty and respect lane for my final pick. With the amount of people, like, I mean, I have Beetlejuice there. You know what I mean? So we could be getting into some trouble. And I need someone who's going to make sure that this night all ends with all of us in our beds. Somebody who can open doors to anywhere we want to go, but also somebody who's going to make sure that nobody messes with us and that includes the police i'm inviting the conciliary from the godfather tom hagan oh wow yeah man is he even is he at the table he's at

the table yeah he's quiet he's playing that kind of don faretta role he is you need that quiet intensity yeah the guy the guy at the end of the meal who makes sure everything gets paid they're tipped and then you're off to the next we're off you never see a bill yeah very sternly says i want to make sure everyone's taken care of and tips them way a lot and he's like don't tell anyone about the dinner he tips them well he knows the bouncers everywhere we go he knows the cops everywhere we go he gives a speech you know what i mean he has like two glasses of wine or maybe a martini like he's not not having fun right but he's mostly there to make sure everything stays on the track he does and when you get there like i don't think tom hagan has ever shaken a hand without a money in his palm he doesn't know what that is he doesn't

know what it is to shake a hand without a 20 at least palm to palm contact never in my life untoward it's untoward yeah so we got tom hagan there just to make sure everything gets cleaned up any messes that get made are immediately cleaned up tom hagan is there man that's man they're really that's tough time for your final pick, Sean Jordan. Oh, you know what? Before we get to the final pick, actually, it's time for us to take another extremely short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

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And we're back. Welcome back to All Fiends. See everything already in progress. We are moments away from the final pick of the draft. Sean Jordan putting the finishing moves on his fictional character, Bachelor Party. The world waits in hushed anticipation. Well, I feel like I'm going to have dry skin. I'd like to pick a bottle of lotion, but I understand that's not a person, but I'm just going to want lotion on my body. Lotion is very real.

Well, yeah, you want lotion on your body whenever you can do it. Even if you feel like your body doesn't need lotion, put lotion on your body. My final pick is going to be somebody who's going to appreciate this night for what it is. Somebody who doesn't get to do these things. Somebody who is extremely blue collar,

uh, wife, kids work every day, but you can tell there's an edge there. You can tell there's an underlying party animal and they will be easily the most appreciative of the whole night. Are you about to get her done? Picking the animated version of it. I gonna pick randy marsh oh yeah that's fun yeah i think randy marsh would be you see him when he gets excited on the show and you see he's oh my god oh sharon he's so excited to be to invite

him like at 5 p.m to the night to the bachelor party like i haven't talked to him in 10 years probably but he was like my best friend in high school we just lost touch because he did the wife and kids thing and i didn't i pursued uh i was uh what am i i play the i play the baritone yeah i play the baritone i play the saxophone and so we just lost touch but i'm like hey man bachelor party i rip off who's there and i'm like you you got the last golden ticket you want to come right now there's a jet waiting for you at the south park airport and he just oh sharon i gotta go and then he's just so pumped all night and he's down to fight he'll get rowdy you need the guy who needs the night out yes that is something that i i think

i'm sorely missing that guy who needs the night out the guy who he's already like at 5 p.m he's already three deep yeah and you guys are like be careful we're going all night and by nine he's shit his pants and he is still ready to party he's got other pants on his normal 5 p.m is three deep he's just like well you should have told me yesterday if you didn't want me three deep by 5 p.m because it's happening i'm on my way home he's just like well you should have told me yesterday if you didn't want me three deep by 5 p.m because it's happening i'm on my way home he's like three deep in the car on his way home from work he's 60 getting off the plane at least yeah oh yeah dude when he hears private jet i think a couple just dive deep into him he didn't even put in there yeah he's just like yeah private jet sure

oh man yeah no the guy the guy with like kids that are almost teenagers that's what you really need you need a guy who's gonna be like fighting ghosts at 10 p.m i introduced him i'm like this is all the snow and he's like nice to meet you he doesn't know who it is he has no idea that it's a rock star it's not barry manilow or fucking jackson brown so he doesn't care he also never talks about his job, which I love about Randy. It's like Randy's, he's all about his interest, not what he does for a living,

which is great. Cause he's not going to bore anyone at the party talking about being a geologist. Yeah. That's a great fucking pick. No, he's going to have the best time. Yeah, man. Randy Marsh.

Excellent. Marissa, do you have a pick? Ooh, for my bachelorette party, this pick would be my money woman. She would be my muscle woman and she'll give me free access to dragons. I'm picking Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah.

My God. You want to seriously freak a door person out, just have Daenerys Stormborn walk up to him, see what time it is real quick. Oh, we're getting in. Yeah, and the dragons are just going to be hovering like they're your ride they're just your driver they're gonna be like when they leave a lamborghini in front of like a valet you know just a dragon excellent pick to recap sean o'connor you went for your fictional bachelor

party tracy jordan chewbacca seth from superbad, Dominic Toretto, and Pauly Walnuts. I went second. I've got Forrest Gump, Eli Cash from the Royal Tannenbaums, Beetlejuice, Ruby Rod, and Tom Hagen. Sean, you went last. You took Aldis Snow, Wayne Campbell, Oli G, Double Down Trent, and Randy Marsh. You left a lot of good ones on the board.

Dude, I was wondering. Ace Ventura was on my list. Oh, really? Yeah. was on the board dude there were i was i was wondering ace ventura was on my list yeah yeah well when i got you baka i did eliminate pumba from damn it's a fucking party animal dude that guy has a good time there were a few robert de niro ace rostein Casino was on there, but too serious, I think. I had Goose from Top Gun. Oh, great one. Great one. I had Jay Gatsby.

I had Jay Gatsby on the list, yeah. He was my original money man, but I went with Tracy Jordan because I thought that would be more fun. The Wolf from Pulp Fiction. Ooh. Oh. A fixer. You need a fixer. You need a fixer.

But I figured Tom Hagen could fill that role for me. Yeah. If you need a fixer, you need a fixer but i think your tom hagen could fill that role for me yeah if you need a fixer you need a fixer animal the muppet steaming willie beeman from any given sunday would be kind of fun from blue chips yeah but i think the age gap would be a little severe yeah he would need a fake id but also like who's carding a seven foot one guy no shack's getting in uh i thought connor for real might be fun oh kind of real would be fun yeah dude i i thought this was a i i had holland march from the nice guys ryan gosling's character nice guys i love that movie i thought i thought he's really

funny and silly and also knows a thing or two about the world but maybe too obscure of a reference yeah i took i was gonna take gene the genie from aladdin but then i thought the whole like him being in chains thing was a little bit weird uh-huh yeah yeah i mean also i feel like forrest gump is just the genie exactly without the without the finite wishes yeah i had a turtle from entourage i feel like turtle would be a great person at a bachelor party i can't believe you didn't take anyone from entourage i can't believe you didn't i would have lost my whole life savings i think the turtle was on everyone drama was on my list too just because drama is so encouraging and down for whatever it's just everything's good for him um there was

i had jiminy glick on there i think he's got some secret demons that would have been a fun, like, when you get him drinking again. That's so interesting. Yeah, you just be, now, I'll just know where does that come from? That's really good.

That was a great, Jiminy Glick. Jiminy Glick is here in the studio. We have Jiminy Glick here. That was the thing, Carmel, tell me more about your story growing up.

We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. We love you. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE Subreddit.

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yeah that was a hate gun podcast