All Fantasy Everything - A Sandwich (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)

Episode Date: August 17, 2017

It's the perfect food. But who has the most perfect version of this perfect food? That's why we draft. The crew is back together, as Ian Karmel, Sean Jordan and David Gborie get together to d...raft the perfect sandwich, piece by piece. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that spent three weeks on tour around the United States of America, got into some follies and misadventures, and came back to us in LA, straight to the studio. Oh yeah. Playboy. Didn't even stop at home. Didn't stop at home straight
Starting point is 00:00:45 from the fucking golden streets of las vegas got road draws that's what that's what the podcast is today some silver some silver i'm in the precious metal game i'm gonna wait till i get my rubies on dude rubies those aren't going anywhere they're not going i don't think so i silver's going up did you get your silver in vegas no i that's that's i'm not at liberty to say where i got my silver oh i gotta let's just say i got a silver connect off of whom you got your silver yeah yeah i gotta connect sure have a silver connect i'm in the game now i'm in the game i like that because i feel like you could buy a silver out of an attache case i think yeah i think that's how it i mean you know people got like a metal briefcase and you're like
Starting point is 00:01:24 oh yeah it was i mean the way the game was given to me, I was just blessed. Yeah. It just, somebody palmed it to me. Just was like, hold on to this. Yeah. Like Sharon Stone in Casino, like just tucked it in her palm and just kind of slid it to you. Yeah, just kind of like, yeah. I'll show you, it's in the car.
Starting point is 00:01:38 I'll show you guys the silver app. I want to see it. It's pretty cool. We were saying downstairs with impending doom, good to be in the silver game. Silver's up. Money might not mean anything, but silver will always be shiny. It's gone up like three bucks since I got it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Silver's always going to be shiny. Profit. So everyone that makes it through is going to be like, that's pretty shiny, dude. Rubies are always going to be beautiful, man. Yeah, true. At some point, we may not care about Alexander Hamilton. I think that's the first to go. Get rid of your cash.
Starting point is 00:02:04 He's the first. Oh, yeah. He's out. Ven get rid of your cash oh yeah he's out venmo us all your cash yeah we'll take it off and then all liquidate it into the silver game as i see fit and you'll have to yeah he's gonna he's got that connect fund manager yeah i'm a silver broker now yeah yeah you gotta you gotta be the hookup you gotta yeah are we ever gonna meet your silver connect no no it's gonna be like a you're not seeing drug dealing like a like a blow situation do you have to get shot before i meet your silver as soon as you give up the connect i'm gonna fuck you right out of the deal that's you could meet the connect but then you're dead
Starting point is 00:02:32 dude you're dead like no david dies and then i'm you know i'm the new connect i'm like taking over the connect that's why i can't tell you who the connect is no yeah sure i won't take it over country he could be any it could be in toledo no trust me i won't take it over just tell me who it is oh yeah yeah well maybe we'll see. You're taking him for a fool, Sean. Yeah. You're trying to- You're taking David for a fool?
Starting point is 00:02:49 You're trying to- You think I'm tuna? And I'm going to be lost in Mexico? No, listen. I don't take you for- With that fat guy in blue? I don't take you for a fool at all. Just tell me who your hookup is.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Listen, listen, listen, listen. Give it to me, bro. That's not what we're here for today. Give me the fucking name, bro. Sean's playing the soft sell on you. I don't like it. I'm going to play the hard sell. Give me the fucking name, bro.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I don't like any of this. I say, I got to stop saying bro jokingly because it's going to. No. It's almost in there. Let it be a normal thing. It's almost in there. Why is it so bad? It's in there for me.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Did that not, like if I just said like. Whatever, bro. Oh, bro, let me get some buffalo chicken on that pizza. Would that. You wouldn't think I sounded dumb if we were like a pizza. Who are you saying that to? The dude working. Like, bro, let me get some buffalo chicken.
Starting point is 00:03:25 What's his vibe? He's all right. Does he have a hat on? 20. Yeah, he's got a hat on. He's got a visor on. Front to the back? Front.
Starting point is 00:03:32 They make you wear it to the front of Pizza Rev, I think. Paying off college and better things in the future or never went to college and maybe this is it. Yeah. Deciding. He's only 20. Oh. Took a year off.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Oh, gap year? Like ambitious? He's really good at skateboarding. But does he sell weed? Well, yeah. Okay, so he's got some ambition. I didn't even call that dude bro. I have another one.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Before I weigh in, I have one more follow-up question. Is it a chain pizza restaurant or is it a one-off? Pizza Rev is a chain, yeah. Oh, Pizza Rev. That's what I'm saying. Oh, I've never eaten that. I can't call it. Yeah, that backs me out.
Starting point is 00:04:01 All those questions. All those questions. Oh, shit. I've never been there, though. I've never been to Pizza Rev. And that's why we don't know if I can say bro or not. Right. All those questions. Oh, shit. I've never been there, though. I've never been to Pizza Rep. And that's why we don't know if I can say bro or not. Right. But you can say it to me.
Starting point is 00:04:10 Bro. Like, yeah. You just call me up, bro. Can we spell it B-R-O-U-G-H? No. Bruh. B-R-E-A-U-X? B-R-U-H.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Bruh. Well, the number of H's depending on how you feel. I'll send a bro with six H's. Sure. Oh, yeah. That's what I felt when you pulled up today. Bro! You see? You can definitely call me bro. I am a bro, dude. Yeah, see?
Starting point is 00:04:32 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We like sports. Love Sublime. True. Sports. Dude, we've been going to the beach. But if you're a bro, we've seen the beach pics. Also, you guys are browning. I've seen you guys. Right? Both dark. I'm redding. I'm redding. No, it's getting in. Is it getting brown? My browning. Yeah. I see you guys. Right? Both dark. I'm redding. I'm redding. No, it's getting in.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Is it getting brown? My browning? Your arms look good. Yeah, dog. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, bro.
Starting point is 00:04:53 I see you shining. I see you shining. I'm out there, bro. You're out there playing catch the other day. I'm in the silver game. You're in the bronze game. You're Mrs. Boomer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:01 You said you're, what'd you just say? Get my wandering Jew on. Lost in the desert. This is my good friend, Wandering Jew on. Wandering Jew. Wandering Jew on. People who run the podcast come out while you were on the road? Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Oh, my gosh. Shout out, first of all, in New York, Alex from Story Pirates. Playboy. He told me at the Lucille Ball Comedy Festival, came up to me and said AFV is his favorite show. Whoa. Said that the other night he had a party. A party winded down. It's like five, six people after the dinner party.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Hell yeah. He got out a piece of paper. They all drafted their favorite desserts. Oh, I love that. Dude. We got to do that one. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:42 So tight. I want to be at that party. We got to do that one. Yeah. So tight. I want to be at that party. Shout out to the couple in Chicago who came out and got honestly hammered drunk. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:52 No. People all over the country came out. I forgot all the names specifically, but it was so great, man. You know who you are. You guys are the best. I really appreciate you. Seriously. I was just out. Same thing in Denver and even in Michigan.
Starting point is 00:06:06 Not even in Michigan. It's dope. Not even in Michigan. Also in Michigan. People came out. Even in Sioux Falls is what I could say. Yeah, dude. Everybody rocks, man.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I can relate because I was nominated for an Emmy. Yes! Whoa! The Young Emmy got. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I haven't been on the road per se, but. You've been here winning Emmys.
Starting point is 00:06:24 That's okay. Dude, I got a bucket hat mean, I haven't been on the road, per se, but... You've been here winning Emmys. That's okay. Dude, I got a bucket hat out of it. Oh, out of the Emmy? Out of getting nominated. I leveraged it online. You didn't see any. You didn't catch any of this heat? You were going for this whole thing?
Starting point is 00:06:35 No. Yeah, but you still... Twitter's every... Ian, Twitter, no matter where you're at, you can look... That's on the internet? Yeah, everywhere, dude. Listen, man, I was in... Just like Emmy nominations.
Starting point is 00:06:42 They're everywhere. Anybody can see them. Listen, I'm a mogul now. I was checking silver prices all day. Listen, man, I was in... Just like Emmy nominations. They're everywhere. Anybody can see them. Listen, I'm a mogul now. I was checking silver prices all day. Listen, Silver Game, when did you turn into a mogul? That pink newspaper? Sometimes you see dudes with suits at the airport. We were like, what's that fucking pink newspaper?
Starting point is 00:06:55 Yeah, that secret paper. That's like the news news. That's like what's really going on. Yeah. Kanye West drafts. They give us shit where it's like, can you believe how big this rabbit is? And they're over there reading about the price of the croner.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Plutonium is taking over. It even tells them what to say if someone comes up and asks about that big rabbit that was in their normal paper. Yeah, yeah. That's quite the rabbit. Some rabbit, eh? Now get on your spirit flight.
Starting point is 00:07:24 I think I've said this on the podcast before, so we'll be brief. Oh, no, I did see that. I did see that. And Lids sent me a Miami Dolphins bucket hat and a Florida Marlins regular hat. What? Yeah. Well, a throwback. Throwback hat.
Starting point is 00:07:38 And I got us $50 at P.F. Chang's. What? We can use whenever we got a free night coming up. Oh, man, that's gonna get done. It's gonna get got. Shout out to Lids because we just went to Lids the other day. That's what inspired me to do it. I copped the two. I got the club. I'm in the club.
Starting point is 00:07:54 The Lids club. Yeah. I haven't copped a lid from Lids in years. It's almost upsetting. We gotta get you a lid. It's coming up. They should come take something away from me since I haven't bought something there. You should. They should take that hat I gave you, that coal hat. Send this coal hat? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:06 They could pry it out of my fucking dead bronze hands. That's why they call you the rattlesnake. My golden... These old copper pennies over here.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Those bronze mittens you got over there? Dye your eyes and cross your T's, my friend. Your bronze baby shoes? Amber waves of pain, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:08:19 Coming at you. Sioux Valley and McKinnon, those are the two hostels. Purple Mountain's tragedy. A lot of good nicknames on the table right there oh yeah I'm really excited
Starting point is 00:08:28 about all of those that'd be a good name for you cause Purple Mountain Colorado Rockies yeah the Purple Mountain Tragedy dude
Starting point is 00:08:34 cause I'll fuck your day up you're Amber Ways of Pain and I don't think they mention the West Coast in that song so much I don't think they do is there anything from the West Coast
Starting point is 00:08:43 in that song Spacious Skies Is there anything from the West Coast in that song? Spacious guys? Fruited Plains? Nope, also not us. I mean, we have fruit up there. Have you guys ever heard of Williams and Ree? No. Is that a Midwest thing?
Starting point is 00:08:56 No. Is this some kind of steak dish? No, they did a parody. This land is my land, it isn't your land. They're a couple of native native dudes but it was a good it was a funny little parody if you if you would have given me
Starting point is 00:09:08 a hundred guesses at what Williams and Ree I don't think I would have landed on a Native American parody duo I didn't give it any context I'm confident
Starting point is 00:09:17 you could have given me a thousand guesses if those were your silver hookups I'd have been like yeah okay Williams and Ree Williams always
Starting point is 00:09:24 sit shotgun yeah and Ree's always always sits shotgun. Yeah. And Ree's always flying the plane. They don't drive. No, they don't drive. You don't drive. Oh, God, no. Fucking drive to a silver spot? You kidding me? If you told me Williams and Ree was like the United Kingdom's answer to Chippendale Rescue Rangers.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Where they're just two, they work the tube and they solve very like... They're just like badgers. They're two badgers who work in the subway and solve very solvable problems. Just like, there's too much rubbish on the tube. Ree, there's a very obvious answer here. Well, Williams, I don't know what it is. Addressing shortly.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Oh, I'm so excited to be home, guys. Sean Jordan and David Borey. Yes, sir. Yes. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan on the gram. Say a word. excited to be home guys sean jordan and david borey yes sir yes sean uh s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on the gram say word uh what do you got coming up anything to plug uh you know this is a pretty good podcast you know this i'd just say keep listening you gotta you got a job have you worked that job yet i haven't yo what's up with the jlb
Starting point is 00:10:21 it's i do i slang scripts for the la.A. Philharmonic, dude. Obi-Wan J-O-B. I don't even know what that means. If you want to go season pass to the L.A. Philharmonic, hit up Sean. Yeah. I want some cheap tickets. I don't know how cheap they're going to be at the L.A. Phil playboy, but you're in the silver game.
Starting point is 00:10:37 You got scratch. Yeah. Here's the flip side of the silver coin. Now you've got to start living that silver guy lifestyle. That's what'm worried about the film harmonic is the first step yeah you got to buy a suit we're better to show off your silver dude right there right there in the orchestra section the pit of the la film yeah but they know you got it if you're sitting that close they know some of them can smell it on me you can probably see it because you wear tight shirts now too right so you can see a little bump tighter tighterer. Tighter than what they have been.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Yeah, I got a job selling tickets basically with the LA Philharmonic. You like it? I mean, I like that it will allow me to stay in LA so I can do this. So we're not going to go to the mall? Not every day. We're going to still go to the mall. Yeah, we're going to go to the mall. I got two weeks coming up.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Ian's had a job forever. Hell yeah. I work one more week and I'm off for two weeks The sea the shining sea part Technically one of those seas is the west coast True One of the shining seas Some kind of the pining sea
Starting point is 00:11:36 I don't know what to The pining sea Yeah the pining pine trees Sean poured concrete Out of a fire hose A friend of the podcast, Chris Sharpentier and I went... Oh, you worked on that house? He brought me out doing
Starting point is 00:11:49 some construction. I'll tell you what, I am not a construction worker. Sharpie's like a tough man. Dude, he's so tough. I'm holding this fucking hose and I thought I was gonna die. We're like 10 minutes in and he's like, hey, you're gonna want to hold it different because we're gonna be doing this all day.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I don't know what else to hold it dude and then it gets hairy like they're you know they're pouring concrete and they're like whoa and everyone's freaking out but they can't just stop the conch so you just have to deal with it while you're doing it you know i feel like you're holding on to shaquille o'neal's dils nick yeah yeah but this was silver though so his mom was like it was holding onto your chain. Louisiana trouser snake. Is he from Louisiana? Yeah, originally. He must have been.
Starting point is 00:12:30 Why else go to LSU? Yeah, he went to LSU. That was birthed in the swamp. Yeah. We might just be confusing him with Neon Boudreaux from Blue Chips, though. I honestly don't know the difference. Let's just give that origin story to shack yeah yeah what what from what you looked at me like well shack used i thought you were saying shack isn't in blue chips
Starting point is 00:12:54 no no no yeah okay all right his origin story real life origin story oh i think his origin story is in life all right i like that we just had a what? Wait, what? What? What? What, dude? Hey. What, bro? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:09 David Borey. Yes, sir. At the GS silent on Twitter. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. And this is coming out a week from today. This is coming out on Thursday. Okay, so. Which is a week from today.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tonight, the night that this is out, I'm going to be headlining Stand Up Live in Phoenix. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tonight, the night that this is out, I'm going to be headlining Stand Up Live in Phoenix. Oh, yeah. With friend of the podcast, Mike Malloy featuring. I love that. Mike Malloy. And then that weekend, me, you.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Oh, yeah. Me and Ian are going to be at Sonoma? Something like that. Wine Country. We're up in Wine Country that weekend. What show is that? Where are we? It's at some type of a brew.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Healdsburg. Yeah. It's some type of a brew house. Healdsburg? Healdsburg. I don't know. It's a sweet situation, though. It sounds like it's going to be really fun.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Wait a minute. What day? Friday? Saturday? Saturday. I have a show Friday in Seattle that I just forgot about. Oh, there you go. Anyway, so the day after this comes out, I have a show in Seattle.
Starting point is 00:14:01 Yeah. Anyway. And I'm in Healdsburg with David. That's so cool. Saturday. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. Anyway. And I'm in Healdsburg with David. That's so cool. That's Saturday. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:07 It's going to be crazy. You guys going to drink? You're going to drink some wine? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm in the Silvergate. Do you have to check your silver or can you bring it on the plane? Oh, what?
Starting point is 00:14:17 The kind of planes he flies on now. Yeah. You don't have to check anything. I don't even have to wear seatbelts anymore. You know what I mean? Woo, dog. They serve me Chinese food. Do I have to get some kind of jewelry? You got to get seatbelts anymore. You know what I mean? They serve me Chinese food. Do I have to get some kind of jewelry?
Starting point is 00:14:28 You got to get some kind of metal. Yes. You got to get in the precious metals. I bought a gold chain. I want everyone in this room to be deathly honest with me. Yeah. Everybody can. You tell me if you think I would look even close to decent with a chain on.
Starting point is 00:14:41 I think you could rock a chain. I think it comes from your heart. It comes from your heart. It doesn't matter what we tell you. You have to believe it. You're afraid you can't wear a chain. I'm you could rock a chain i think it's it comes from your heart it doesn't matter what we tell you you have to believe it you're afraid i'm getting a bunch of nose that's all you think you can't wear a chain i think you can wear it i don't think you wear a lot of shirts that because you have shirts with stuff on them yeah and you if you're gonna wear a chain it's gotta be plain it's gotta be plain plain chain i only do the lifting i only wear my chain with a button up or a black t-shirt. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:15:05 Let the chain do the work. I have been wanting to get into the plain t-shirt game for a while, though. The solid color game. That's the game to be in. It's good. David's not rocking it right now. Is a chain going to fit over my turtleneck when I climb into the turtleneck game? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Wow, is that where this is building? You wear it all, but the whole thing stays outside the turtleneck. Yeah, you got to keep the chain outside. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like a waterfall. Come on. Oh, God, no.
Starting point is 00:15:31 What are you? What do you teach junior high school? A waterfall? Steven, open your goddamn book, I said. Yeah, tell your dad I swore. I give a fuck. He's going to believe me. I got a chain.
Starting point is 00:15:42 What are you doing? Open your book. You're failing. You're 19. What are you in middle school for, Steven? Open your book. You're failing. You're 19. What are you in middle school for, Steven? Open your goddamn book. Tell your sister I said hi. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:15:51 The waterfall chain. I see you over there reading Stuff Magazine, Steven. Maxim is almost porn, Jacob. Yeah, Healdsburg. I should look up what that show is. Yeah, I think it's going to be really fun. Yeah, I think it is too. You're going to be in Seattle. Otherwise, I thought I was working that Friday.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Now I know I'm not going to work that Friday. And we could have driven up together. Are you driving up? I might on Friday now. Can I drive with you? I thought we were. We can talk about all that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:19 We'll talk about it. We'll address it out there. But if you're listening and you have some feedback for whether or not. Yeah, should we drive? Should we fly? Please add us on Twitter. You know what I will say is whenever I can drive, the Miracle Whip's not really making it anywhere outside of the city limits.
Starting point is 00:16:35 But if I have someone else's whip that I can drive, it's a very pretty drive and I like it. Like if you have the whole day to spend. From here to, I guess it's only to the bay. I keep forgetting that it's not... Portland's like too far. Portland's way too far. Shane today, he's like, yeah, I got a bus to San Francisco
Starting point is 00:16:52 from LA, mind you. He's like, yeah, it'll be like five hours or something. Not seven. On that bus, seven. Bananas. Like eight hours, dude. Anyway. What do you take? Megabus? Yeah, bold bus. Sonoma Cider in Healdsburg, California. yes come out cider house rules we'll get we'll get hammered with you and that's by that's by the bay that's by the bay area folks
Starting point is 00:17:11 roll out drink some wine yeah roll out you can stay in our hotel room yeah it is oh i think we're in some type of cottage yeah it's a cottage oh dog i mean i don't know that i just feel it feels like cottage country then we're gonna do some day swimming. Oh, yeah. We should float the river. Yeah. It's what I heard the wave is out there. That's just the wave. 94.7. The wave.
Starting point is 00:17:33 I just put an almond in my mouth like an idiot. What am I doing? I'll introduce it. I'll introduce it. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. Hey, Derek, can I kiss you on the mouth? I'm a fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Today's draft was suggested by a listener at Gutter Car yesterday. Hell yeah. It was an idea that tickled us in such a way that we had to do it immediately. Quickest turnaround ever, I think, right? I think it is. From idea to recording. I mean, please keep sending us suggestions We won't turn them all around this quick
Starting point is 00:18:07 But this one just told us What we're doing is drafting a sandwich Previously we drafted sandwiches With me, Jake, and Amir This one we're drafting A sandwich One bread, one meat, one cheese To rule them all
Starting point is 00:18:24 One condiment And then a wild card yeah i like that x factor dude the boiling the boiling pits of mordor my friend my friend that's my wild card you son of a bitch he always used to be like you know how sean beach in the boiling with the mortar. Throw that bitch in the boiling pits of Mordor. Raise a sharp glass in the boiling pits of Mordor. Like, dude, you couldn't get me in character enough to not laugh saying that. There's one scene in Lord of the Rings when one of the Uruk-hai is running. And he looks like Anthony Kiedis in.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Yeah. In the bridge. He looks really like free. Yeah. His hair is flowing. It's kind of beautiful. It's like beautiful. I'm like, I've been rooting for the wrong side.
Starting point is 00:19:06 They are so scary. Those Uruk- Not the orcs. The big dudes. They are fucking buck looking, dude. Yeah, the race mixers. David. That was funny to say.
Starting point is 00:19:19 That was funny to say. I've been in a car all day. I was just going to ask why your dick was out when you said it. Hey, come on. I just came from the East Coast. I'm been in the car all day. I was just going to ask why your dick was out when you said it. Hey, come on. I just came from the East Coast. I'm walking here. Hey! I'm walking here.
Starting point is 00:19:31 I'm drafting here. So, shout out to AtGutterCar. Thank you for the suggestion. Yeah, totally. And the way we determined the draft order is with a rocking game of rock, paper, scissors. Oh, boy. I'm rusty. It's been a while, huh?
Starting point is 00:19:48 Fucking slipping on that silver. You probably forgot how to play. Oh, baby, baby. I'm covered in the silver now. Oh, baby, baby. David is warming up his wrist. I'm also saying baby, baby now. I like that, too. You said it quick, though. Ooh, baby, baby. Baby, baby. Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, hey, baby, baby. I just like that
Starting point is 00:20:04 wild world song. Hello, baby. I'm going to go, baby, baby. I just like that Wild World song. Hello, baby. I'm going to go big bopper. I'm going to go the other way. Yeah, you got to make it long. You flash forward. I'll flash back. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Exactly. Sean, you can stay in the middle. Right here. Baby. Baby. Baby, baby, baby. Please, baby, baby, baby. Y'all throw a shoot.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Paper, paper. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Sean broke the chain with scissors. No, he...
Starting point is 00:20:30 David went scissors, too. People went scissors! Fuck! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! People went rock! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh! Sean went paper.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Oh, that was a hard... It was a mighty battle. That was a mighty battle. It was like a cartoon of a T-Rex and a Triceratops going at it. I got something in the background. I got something to prove over here with your ice. Listen, baby, baby, I'm into it. Sometimes you got to try on the new slime.
Starting point is 00:20:55 I love it. Yeah, dude, buy it. That's a win. Yeah, that's the summer way. You can wear that out. Oh, I'm going to. David's going first. I'm going second.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Ian's going third. What type of draft is it, though? It's a serpentine. That's great. What is that? It's sort of like how a snake slithers around. And you know how they go from side to side, kind of? Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:14 So this draft is serpentine in that you'll be the head of the snake. It will go to me, and then it'll go to Ian, and then it will turn around. I understand. So Ian will be the third and fourth pit. So this is something like if I were to break into where they keep bobsleds. And I tried to steal one, and I didn't know that they chained all the bobsleds together. So I take off down the mountain in one of the bobsleds,
Starting point is 00:21:34 but it accidentally brings eight other bobsleds with me, and they start careening down the hill. Yeah. That would be a beautiful nightmare. No, I didn't know that they chained all the bobsleds together. I don't know either. I'm going to takebsleds together. I don't know either. I'm going to take that as factual information. This is a hypothetical situation.
Starting point is 00:21:47 I'm taking it as factual. They 100% do. It's a fact. Who's first? I'm first. David's first. The G will not be silent for this first pick. We're going bread?
Starting point is 00:21:55 Yeah. Well, you can pick whatever you want first. Oh, wait. Yeah, I wasn't sure how that was. So here's what it is. Okay. I mean, you have to have a bread. You have to have a meat. You have to have a bread. You have to have a meat.
Starting point is 00:22:05 You have to have a cheese. You have to have a condiment. You have to have a wild card. Okay. But you can pick them in any order. Okay. We're not doing a bread round. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:12 So we can all just pick. You can go whatever first. Holy shit, dude. All right. I got to take my shirt off. Yeah. Well, I'm still, you know what? I'm still coming from the outside working in.
Starting point is 00:22:20 My first, my bread. Brady Van Halen. Uh-huh. Waffles. What? It's on the list,affles what it's on it's on it's on the list goddamn time waffles waffles for the bread I've
Starting point is 00:22:34 never had a sandwich with waffles I've sandwiched things between waffles and eating them so you have had a sandwich I guess I have I was just thinking about it wrong yeah waffles is my bread I've definitely waffled between different kinds of bread but never had waffle hello yeah waffle bread hello big boy hello hello power 10 head gum over here hello waffles and that's how i started to get sued by big boy so i love that uh yeah waffles are good
Starting point is 00:23:03 as fuck waffles are good i've had more chicken and waffles this year than i think in any other year of my life and see that's a that's a sign of the glow up and i'm not talking belgian waffles i'm talking like you go to roscoe's like the fin waffles yes thin circular waffles never been to a roscoe's now i'm sorry that's what my dad calls a handgun by the way that is so cool yeah i'm pretty sure that's also what corrupt calls a handgun my dad and corrupt should hang out well that's the dad no beanie seagull says that bang the roscoe to the sunrise plus that's a dumb one of the many things that ivan carmel and beanie seagull haven't come one of the many many many things
Starting point is 00:23:43 wardrobe choices included hundreds of things hundreds hundreds of things i've heard they call ivan carmel the broad street bullet both big fans of uh they're both divers which you wouldn't think beanie seagulls cave diving and making his own kombucha we were driving with ian's dad one time and uh we're coming back from tacoma his dad was giving shane and i right i wasn't even in the car and ivan was talking about his kombucha that he makes and i go i don't i don't like kombucha and he goes you are so goddamn midwestern it makes me sick i don't know man you don't come at somebody's kombucha like that not in their own way i did
Starting point is 00:24:23 not in their own way yeah all right that was me not me out which one of you was smashed up in the back of that thing by zach back there saying dumb shit you know how awkward zach gets just back there saying just leaning in we're like zach nobody needs you up here we're having our own conversation our big muscular boy he's so strong he sat down on the couch the other day with a towel around his neck no shirt on like a fucking lifeguard taking a break and just sat down and like watch everybody play fifa fresh out the shower looked amazing yeah he's the kid's strong waffles huh kids he that he's shit like waffles too that's what makes me so mad he will eat like he goes to jersey
Starting point is 00:25:01 mike's with me all the time all the the time. He comes home with fucking 5,000 calories worth of Jersey Mike's. How's that? Yeah, he's like whole shirt Michael's. And he plays his abs like it's a fucking glockenspiel. You know? Tell me what you think of this. He doesn't go to Jersey Mike's. He goes to Uniform Mike's.
Starting point is 00:25:21 Huh? Oh. He's got the whole thing? I don't get it. Waffles, huh? Yeah, Waffles was my first pick. So his jersey is like an outfit. You know, it's like the top half of a uniform.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I know. I know, man. I mean, I felt it. I understood. I didn't want to. All right. I feel like. I like that you tried.
Starting point is 00:25:35 I never want you to stop. I'll get silver one of these days, and then everything's going to hit. Everything hits. That's how it goes. Who needs silver when you're already gold? We love you. Hey, stay it, pony boy.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Come on. Stay on top. We love you. Come on. it, pony boy. Come on. Stay on top. We love you. Come on. Waffles. Waffles is the first. I can't wait to see what else gets fucking put in here. This is crazy.
Starting point is 00:25:51 It's going weird. Well, there's ways you can go because you're a savory guy. As am I. I think we're all savory, right? We're all savory, boys. He doesn't like sweet with his meat, and he started with a waffle. It's going to be crazy. But that can get real savory, though.
Starting point is 00:26:00 There's maybe some shit changed on the road. Listen, guys. A lot changed. I had a rosemary waffle rosemary yeah while i was in new york i went to this place called sweet chicks or something it was right next to the baller ass hotel sweet ladies please maybe and i think it was called sweet chicks sweet chicks sweet chicks sweet chicks maybe and they had a variety of waffles rosemary and rosemary was one of them and it went uh really well with the chicken okay yeah i could see that oh yeah maybe it wasn't called sweet chicks anyway you just wanted it oh shit yeah it's it is it's sweet chicks it is sweet
Starting point is 00:26:38 chicks and it's a chicken and waffle restaurant co-owned by naz dog i had no idea i love that you just got found that like naturally just you and naz are naturally gravitated towards each other you just ended up at a place co-owned by not yeah you were just like this looks ill-mannered this is great you were quoting him in line and you didn't think anything of it everyone's like this fucking guy yeah yeah we get it that's just how i talk no i just have a belly shirt with nasa's face on it that i just wear everywhere savory food shit that ian carmel grooves with that's what i felt when i walked in okay but yeah waffles okay okay and yes the thin ones get out of here with the fucking
Starting point is 00:27:23 belgian waffles i don't eat all that in my life. It's too much bread. There's too much waffle. I'd rather have another waffle. Yes. I want another waffle. I don't want the one thick waffle. I'm also trying to have a day after that.
Starting point is 00:27:33 I eat a whole Belgian waffle with the powdered sugar. Yeah, and then I got the extra shit, the strawberries and the blueberries and the whipped cream. Come on, man. Yeah, I got shit to do. Maybe I've been too fat for too long. Like, come on, man. Yeah, I got shit to do. Maybe I've been too fat for too long.
Starting point is 00:27:51 But I can't anymore just eat a fucking cake for breakfast like that. It's a cake. It's a cake. That's the thing about it. That's how I feel about pancakes, too. It's a goddamn cake. I don't like getting one. Like, when I get $9, it's like waffles are $9, and they give me one waffle. I want more than one thing for $9.
Starting point is 00:28:03 I want a bunch of waffles. I feel ripped off. So that's what I don't want want i just don't want one big ass waffle for nine bucks i feel that you know give me like give me four little ones and then i'll leave one i'll feel good about myself yeah my favorite waffles were do you remember when egos did the little cinnamon toast waffles oh yeah no four on the one sheet i like when there's four i like when there's like a real definite yeah yeah and i can like pull them apart. Oh, like four sections of like pie wafers kind of. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's my, I want more waffles is what I want. I want more waffles. I don't want.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Silver dollar waffles. How about that? That's, where are we at? Where are those? The problem with that is you need the tiny waffle iron. Yeah. And then that's, you can only sell that at Crate and Barrel. But that's a problem that.
Starting point is 00:28:41 There's nowhere else that you can just sell tiny. Oh, you can get at Williams and Ree. Oh, yeah. At the mall. If you get it at Williams and Ree. At the mall. If you stop in at Williams and Ree, you can get all sorts of weird little kitchen shit. It's only South Dakota stuff, though. It's like a South Dakota waffle iron. That's perfect, because that's like a square, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:58 It's like a loose rectangle. Sort of a loose rectangle. Sean Jordan, it's time for your first pick in the a sandwich draft uh man i want to go bread but my bread ain't uh where it needs to be so i'm gonna go i'm gonna go cheese first i'm building a masterpiece but my cheese we're gonna keep it i'm going pepper jack pepper jack pepper jack cheese that's a cheese you can get at subway but that's exciting yeah a lot of this stuff might be things you can get at subway you might just that's exciting. Yeah, that's great. A lot of this stuff might be things you can get at Subway. He might just pick a fucking Subway.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Is this the Subway Club? If he's going to drop sweet chicken teriyaki at this meet. It is not the Subway Club, but it is a masterpiece. So you guys can talk all the shit you want, but by the time I make my last pick, you guys will be on the floor. All right. No, I'm excited. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Yeah, I mean, there's not a lot to say about Pepper Jack that people don't know already. I like Pepper Jack. I like Pepper Jack, too. I do, too. I don't know if it's a sandwich cheese so much. I mean, it is a sandwich cheese. I just definitely think it's a sandwich cheese. I just got a steak and cheese with double Pepper Jack.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah, it's good on that. I mean, where do you go from Waffle? Here's when I like Pepper Jack cheese. When it's on like a tray, you know? When there's like lots of, almost like a deck of cards that's been splayed out of like four different cheeses yeah like Mel Gibson got a hold of them and just threw them all out
Starting point is 00:30:08 and I'll grab like a couple pieces of that pepper jack I haven't seen a lot of those I like it on Triscuits oh yeah with like a Triscuit Triscuits
Starting point is 00:30:14 could have been my bread some new ass flavors they've been going crazy I don't really like it you don't like it? I'm thrilled about it I like the classic it's only getting rid of the original
Starting point is 00:30:23 maybe I've missed how crazy they're getting they got like the air crisp thing the crisp well i'm talking about your og triscuits but there's like tomato basil there's like olive oil there's cracked pepper there's garlic herb garlic herb dude they're all those are good i don't like when they change the texture oh no no no no don't fuck with that texture i want a trisket for the tris Yeah, that's what I want is a Triscuit. Shout out to Chicken-A-Biscuit, too. Oh, man. What a bunch of gangsters.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Never even tried anything different. It's basically just a biscuit and Top Ramen seasoning. I don't think they have commercials. They don't. They don't need them. They're one of those ones like, you know who else does it anymore? Fig Newton. Or we're just not watching the right TV.
Starting point is 00:31:00 No, I think Fig Newton. Well, are you watching? You know what? I think that's on its last legs. And I, for one, that was all marketing. I only ate it because of the marketing. I never liked them. Yeah, a cookie is just a cookie, but Newton's a fruit and cake.
Starting point is 00:31:11 But they're not really fruit and cake. They're shitty cookies. I liked them. Maybe they were overselling with fruit and cake. Have you ever had the other Newtons? No, they have other Newtons. They had other Newtons. There was like a strawberry Newton switch. Oh, I have, absolutely. Those were way better
Starting point is 00:31:27 than the fig. I kind of fancied myself like an intelligent odd child, and I think the fig Newton played into that. That's what it's for. Ian, what kind of cookies are those? I would like... I would like... I don't... because I didn't ever feel
Starting point is 00:31:43 superior to anyone, really, but I didn't ever feel superior to anyone really, but I was really into being smart. I use, instead of weird, I use the word queer. I was like, oh, that's queer.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Did it go, you did used to do that? Did it go the other way? Like, did you play smear the weird? Smear the peculiar. Now look at who's got the football, the peculiar gentleman. I had no idea. Smear the peculiar Now look at who's got the football The peculiar gentleman
Starting point is 00:32:06 Smear the perplexing I had no idea that it meant gay Or that it was like kind of a How old were you when you actually used it Stupid people call gay people queer Until I was 10, 11, 12 12 is old to be in the queer game Maybe not 12
Starting point is 00:32:21 Probably 10, 11 Before junior high school I bet And my older older brother shout out to bear blaylock we're always like trying to shut it down like stop it i'm like what that's what it means by the way you guys go on ian's instagram and look at him oh that was so good give everyone the clockwise so it's bear on the left it's uh let me pull it up right now i gotta dude it is so left it is my older brother bear blaylock uh-huh up top is my sister uh jessica blaylock fly there uh you're on the right pre coming out of the closet by the way gentlemen cool your jets me on the right just looking good now how old would you have been? I have not. Eight. You look like you could support a family, right? I know.
Starting point is 00:33:07 I look like that's my family. That's so funny. I'm the young father of this family. I worked my way up. I started on the assembly line at Chrysler. Now I run the plant. Now I'm telling people what to do on the daily, nephew. Night school.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Night school. A was my key. Night school. Night school. A lot of night school. A lot of night school for me. That's a night school pick. You know? We had to climb the ladder all day. Some of my friends were out there.
Starting point is 00:33:31 They were partying on Fridays. I was at night school. Not you. Yeah, sure. I wanted to be like them chasing tail. I always thought that it was queer that they were out there partying. It was queer. It was quite queer.
Starting point is 00:33:37 It was quite queer. And then seated is my little sister, Elisa Carmel, for whom this Sunday we are celebrating her second master's degree time flies. Fuck, that's dang. You guys gonna go to Raging Waters? I wish. In San Dimas? Winery.
Starting point is 00:33:52 Where would Napoleon go? Raging Waters. Which, by the way, is still there. We should go. We should go to Raging Waters. Absolutely. Pepper Jack. Pepper Jack.
Starting point is 00:34:00 Pepper Jack. I really like how he took the heat off it with like a wild tangent. I'm thrilled about that. Yeah. Not that it's not a dank pick. I fully support everything on this list. No, it was Buck.
Starting point is 00:34:10 Buck and dank. It was Buck and dank. Both. Took it to the bank. Yeah, 50-50. Scales even. Equal amount of silver on each side. I don't want to criticize it.
Starting point is 00:34:18 You can. I feel like you could have gotten Pepper Jack later. Yeah. I feel like Pepper Jack's going. I feel like here's my assessment early yeah early assessment you're not gonna be upset you took pepper jack but later on you're gonna be upset you took it so early well i didn't know see i don't know where you guys are going that's what threw me off when because i thought we were having bread and then you know that's how i thought you thought that
Starting point is 00:34:41 too yeah but then i like it well that's what i'm saying. I like it. That's good, though, because it's not like everybody's like, we're all drafting point guards right now. Right. You know what I'm saying? Exactly, yeah. There's a great point guard in the first, but maybe I need a second. Maybe take him. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:34:54 Is LeBron coming to, is there any way that LeBron's coming to Los Angeles? Oh, there's a big way. Is there? I think that's a possibility. I think that's a huge possibility. It's probably. I want to say probably. Holy buckets.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Also, did you guys see Allen Iverson just didn't show up to a big thing? Yeah, he just didn't show up. He no-call-no-showed. Like, he was me at P.F. Chang. Me at First Premier Bank when I was 19. Me at every job besides comedy. Me at the car wash. I call-quitted GameStop once.
Starting point is 00:35:20 I just called. I was like, I looked at, for some reason, it was going to take me two hours to get there. And I was like, I'm not coming in again today. My first real job ever was first, well, not my first real job. My first like adult job was first premier bank. I was with call center shit. And I left on my lunch break and I never came back. And I saw my boss like two months later in the mall.
Starting point is 00:35:37 And she's like, Sean, that's a long lunch break you're on. It was. And she started laughing. I was like, ah, what do you do? You know? She's like, like 19. She didn't give a fuck give a fuck dude that sure she didn't want me there i wore white tennis shoes to work every day it was like like tie shit and i'm wearing like oh tennis shoes they didn't want to work for the call center that was my i was just always trying to find a way to wear
Starting point is 00:36:00 sneakers on the low yeah shout out to those uh those Air Flight 89s, the black ones. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got away with it a lot. Everybody wanted you to wear shoes for cruising and shit like that. Yeah. I would limp. I'd say I hurt myself skating or something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:13 And they were like, okay. I quit. Here's how I quit Best Buy customer service. I just, so I put in my two weeks, I think. Yeah, I put in my two weeks. But, you know, you still have to go back to work for two weeks. So I had like eight shifts coming up. I was hanging out at home.
Starting point is 00:36:31 And it must have been Manpei. I think it was Nick Manpei who I had do it. Call in and be like, we were playing pickup football and Ian broke his leg. I think. He's at the hospital right now. We don't know for sure. So he's not going to come in. So I missed that day.
Starting point is 00:36:48 And then later on, I called and be like, yeah, it's broken. So I'm not going to be able to finish out my two weeks. You know, I tried. I wanted to come in. And then like a month later, I walked in and got my last check. Like that's how long it takes. Just like dancing. Like that's how long it takes to fix a fucking 300 pound man's broken leg.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Rehab. Rehab and CBD oil. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:37:13 I've been going to every church, every religion, every religion's nicest church in the Portland metro area. Been drinking the best stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's so great. Pepper Jack cheese. Pepper Jack cheese. That's time for my first pick let's hear it oh
Starting point is 00:37:26 i don't even by the way i don't even have a list i'm playing jazz right now i just want everyone to know that i have no i have no list okay i usually do i don't know why you're on red tube but that's neither here nor there you know why i'm on red i'm an x videos man myself trying to get my numbers up. What the fuck does that mean? I'm watching my own video. Watching my own video. Just commenting on your shit from shadow accounts.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Wow, cool dick. Big boy's got a mean stroke. That would be a fun challenge. Put your own name into RedTube and then beat off to something that comes up. Oh, wow. Whoa. I don't know if that's... I don't know if I want to play that game. Call it loopering or something. We're not coming up up oh wow oh i don't know if i don't know if i call it loopering we're not coming up i mean i don't know man i've been out here i was on
Starting point is 00:38:09 tour i'm in the silver game so i don't know so your first pick what are you like what's here's my strategy okay i'm very curious because i think you guys went bread first cheese first great picks there's a lot of bread and cheese there aren't a lot of great condiments okay which is why with my first pick i just have to take deli mustard okay oh that's fine yeah i think in a bigger pool i'm excited i'm excited but you don't know my con i'm man you well you fucking went waffles and then like because i had a strategy in my head on the way over and that threw me off completely deli mustard on the waffles over here? You could fucking pick Elmer's glue, and I wouldn't be that surprised. You're just making a centerpiece. You're not making a sandwich.
Starting point is 00:38:52 You're going to glue the waffles together. Trust me. I'm making a sandwich. I'm talking about like a dope, seedy, like mustard with seeds in it. What's the brand? Oh, gosh. I mean, there's a beaver brand that makes that. Gelbman's.
Starting point is 00:39:03 There's Ingelhoffer. There's like five in the goldens goldens i love that well you know what that's one of my original getting shit for free off social media was hitting all the mustard companies and having them send it what'd you say is that how you started and then you just worked your way up for mustard oh oh can i say by the way yeah you know what i just found out about cuddy Sark? Whoa, what? Shout out to friend of the podcast, Sam Talent, who told me. Oh, big time friend. Fucking Cutty Sark, originally made to be cut.
Starting point is 00:39:31 It's the only scotch that was made to be mixed. We're not even supposed to be straight shooting it, which makes a lot of sense. That makes complete sense. Yeah, every time I drink it and they want to kick me out of the roost because it looks like I'm going to vomit everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Keith D drank some. want to kick me out of the roost because it looks like I'm going to vomit everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Keith D drank some. He put his dick through a painting.
Starting point is 00:39:49 What? I mean, if you want to. Keep the scissors in the studio with us. You said Keith. Yeah, he was drinking Cuddy Sark straight. I didn't know you could mix it. And put my dick through a painting. That's exactly what David just said.
Starting point is 00:40:04 I also got laid from a real woman though, that night. And the guy kept trying to give me the painting afterwards, but I don't want this painting. You were at a bar or a party or what? No, yeah, I was at a party at the Sylvan House. Shout out to the Sylvan House
Starting point is 00:40:20 in San Francisco. And yeah, I'm not going to take that painting. I'm going to make someone else take that painting. You take that painting. So, as I said, Cutty Sark, meant to be cut. While he's got my microphone, I need you guys to ask, what was the painting of?
Starting point is 00:40:36 What was the painting of? I don't even know. There was a hole in it now. I was blacked out at the time. Because of that raw Cutty Sark. Now, okay, forgive me if i sound crass uh you had a boner no i didn't have a boner i i put uh i think it was just uh like half hard or something i put it through the painting was it a a very fresh i think i thumbed it through the painting.
Starting point is 00:41:06 You thumbed it? Like shoehorning it? Yeah. So you stuck your thumb through the painting and your dick got in the way. I wish there was a video of it. No, you don't. Yeah, you're right. I don't wish there was a video of that.
Starting point is 00:41:25 And the night, so you were at a party. What time of the night did this happen? Loose, roughly. After about... Afternoon. It was like two. Four glasses of Cutty Sark, so I'm going to say like 11 p.m. Damn!
Starting point is 00:41:40 Dude, I think we've been that deep at the roost. Yeah. In Cutty Sark. And they give it to you. Have you been to the roost in Cutty Sark and they give it to you have you been to the roost? no David walks in and the lady goes Cutty Sark PBR and David's like
Starting point is 00:41:53 yup beer shot combo I mean now I feel like maybe I don't need to be drinking these whole Cutty Sark shots what do you mix it with? I don't that's a draft I don't mean to be drinking these whole cutting start shots. What do you mix it with? I don't. No, nothing.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Mix it with it. Hey, that's a draft. Jam. Amazing. Sobuck. Sobuck. I love it. That's a goal I didn't know I had.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Putting my dick through a panther. It's like six miles away. He told me and it just made sense to me. I was just like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deli mustard. Deli mustard. Deli mustard. It's like six miles away. He told me and it just made sense to me. I was just like, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deli mustard. Deli mustard?
Starting point is 00:42:28 With the little seeds in it. Yeah, the grainy. Is it spicy? Do you want it spicy? It's got a little bit of spice to it. It's got a little bit of vinegar and spice to it.
Starting point is 00:42:34 I like a good deli mustard that can get up like in my nose. I can feel it in the back of my mouth. Yeah, that's what I want. Yeah, like a kick. Because with a sandwich I am loosely planting
Starting point is 00:42:41 in my head, you need a strong mustard like that to cut through the fat. Okay. You like that okay cut through the the fat okay you know to cut through the fattiness his meat is gonna be crazy dude but i have two meats that i'm happy with and only one cheese that i'd be happy with okay so i have to take it right now okay i have to take swiss cheese okay damn it yes yes well played swiss cheese well played it goes with anything some people don't like texture it's a texture yeah it's a light smell and it's mostly i like the texture
Starting point is 00:43:11 it's a great texture melt a melted swiss cheese it's sure yeah it's kind of a dull it's like a flat flavor it's a flat it's a flat oaky flavor yes oaky oaky for sure yeah yeah it's a light it's a light umami it It's an oaky flavor. Okay. Great texture. Melts well. Melts well. The texture when it melts, it's got two different textures, melty and solid.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Can you tell me this? Yeah. And you don't have to if it's going to give everything away. Are you melting your Swiss on your sandwich? I might. Yeah, I might. All right. You got to.
Starting point is 00:43:40 I might do. It sounds like it. You got to. You got to. It might melt. Sandwich, you don't put that Swiss on the sandwich if it isn't melted. There's a couple Swiss's that I won't melt. Really?
Starting point is 00:43:50 There's one. I'll tell you after. You tell me at the end. We'll put a pin in that. But I'm very curious about that. All right. Deli mustard and Swiss cheese are my first two. Man.
Starting point is 00:43:59 I love Swiss cheese. He's starting from the middle going out. Yeah. I've been known to take Swiss cheese and just roll it up and dip it in deli mustard. If there's nothing around. Oh, yeah. That'll definitely be some crazy shit before. Oh, dipping.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Do you stop the room? This isn't even necessarily a dip. Dip low. I'm dip. Well, yeah, not even just dipping, although I would dip crazy shit. Hot dogs in a ranch, crazy shit. When I was a teenager. I was dipping chips into baked beans the other day.
Starting point is 00:44:34 The other night at the house, just hammered, sitting in there in the kitchen, looking at Zach's room like, I hope he can't hear me just crunching shit, trying to be all quiet. Dipping chips into cold baked beans? Yeah, we were out. I forget where we all were, but- We were out. Yeah, we were out. I forget where we all were, but... We were out. Yeah. We were out.
Starting point is 00:44:49 We could have been in, too. I re-upped the liquor in the house. We could have been in. We did. We had a couple of buck days. One of them ended with me dipping into baked beans. Anyway, I cut you. You were going to say something about dipping.
Starting point is 00:45:01 A couple of crazy things I did. One was I drank syrup, maple maple syrup out of a out of a container uh-huh squeeze squeeze squeeze it into the mouth another one i preferred chunky peanut butter we only had smooth so i made a peanut butter sandwich and then sprinkled broken up nuts into it oh i like that that's not that's an idea right there it was still it still felt a little depraved at the time also i ate straight butter out of the fridge once. I was like four. I can't be held responsible.
Starting point is 00:45:27 This dude. She was touching her face. This dude, Shanman, that we used to know, might have said this before, but he tried to dip bologna into one of those big Ortega salsa containers with an inch of salsa in the bottom. It's like a foot high. And the top is about as big as a fucking tennis ball. Wide mouth.
Starting point is 00:45:44 So you know you're not getting your hand in there so there's just like four cashed out bologna slices in the bottom like he thought he was gonna get i don't know why we've stopped at developing salsa jar technology by the way it's not good fucking you're right it's not good you're right especially good salsa good salsa never comes in a great container no it's always the container the better the salsa i think so, too. If you get salsa that's just on a cheesecloth, like loose, best salsa you've ever had. That's good.
Starting point is 00:46:09 You get a pico de gallo. Maybe it's some big bear paws on me. No, it happens to everybody. The salsa starts, there's still, you know, sometimes even a quarter of the salsa you paid for is in there, and you can't get it out, and they're like pouring it into a bowl, and you do that, and it's still stuck up in the sides. And also, what if you don't eat all that salsa in the bowl? Nobody ever gets the last 10% of their salsa.
Starting point is 00:46:30 It's fucking bullshit. And then I've tried this. I've tried to dump it just on the chip. Foolish. Foolish idea. And then it's all over the jeans or the white linen pants I'm wearing. What are you, a heart surgeon? You think you have gifted hands?
Starting point is 00:46:41 Not at that point in the night. At that point in the night, the hands are pretty steady actually now if i if i did that when i woke up from said night it'd be a little different story shaking that actually might work better uh all right i like swiss cheese sean you pick a pepper jack am i up you're up okay this episode of all fantasy everything Is brought to you by Babbel If you want to learn a new language The best way is to uproot your entire life You drop everything you're doing
Starting point is 00:47:12 Just go to a brand new country You figure it out from there But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley Alright? You're not Jason Bourne You can't do that Two Damon movies, I'm out here Obviously you're not ready for that But you still want to learn a new language
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Starting point is 00:48:05 key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments,
Starting point is 00:48:43 they're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word-for-word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash allfantasy.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary
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Starting point is 00:51:09 I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy
Starting point is 00:51:50 with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could.
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Starting point is 00:53:13 your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. So I'm going to pick now. All right. I i'm gonna pick my condiment i'll do that the gentleman is going to pick his car the gentleman is going to pick his condiment and it's going to be chipotle mayo oh okay mayo i really feel like you're building
Starting point is 00:53:56 a subway i don't know you stop i don't know if that takes up all the mayo i don't think it does right can someone still pick me yeah you're not all right no one's gonna the mayo i don't think it does right can someone still pick me yeah you know all right no one's gonna pick me i don't think i don't think it does all right i think it's very specific it's chipotle mayo it's chipotle mayo i'm making chipotle mayo not building a subway sandwich i know it sounds that way it feels if your next pick is italian herbs and cheese i'm moving not not a sub shit i blew it i blew it can i take i blew it can i take that i didn't mean to pick that look at this that's my that's what i wanted to pick i honestly did blow it what does it say this one i can't you don't have to allow it you don't have to allow it i don't know we've never
Starting point is 00:54:38 had one of these before i completely i completely got i feel like this is a chris weber situation i was building no i had two sandwiches you is great. No, I had two sandwiches. You thought you had a timeout, but you didn't. I had two sandwiches that I wanted to make, and I just accidentally looked at the... Listen, I'll allow it. You don't have to. You don't have to.
Starting point is 00:54:54 I'm for it. I'm for it. I don't know. Marissa, what do you think? Oh, yeah. Marissa's got a break of time. Marissa, what do we do? I think it's on you.
Starting point is 00:55:03 You don't have to. I'll allow it because it's the first time't have to. This is the first time. All right. This is the first time it's ever happened. That's fair. Marissa, you got the call from the governor. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:55:12 I've been pardoned. I honestly did. And if any of the listeners are upset, you can please only tweet at me because I'm the one that fucked up. I mean, I want to see these, too. Yeah. Are you kidding me? David and I want to see it.
Starting point is 00:55:22 You can be mad. If you don't at Sean, but if you want to talk about it yeah just tweet us at everybody i just we'll pass it along i didn't mean to do that polo mayo stricken from the record still in play right yeah still in play so the condiment is going to be gravy gravy that's what it's going to be i see that by the way marissa just made a sound she goes whoa wait wait. Wait, wait. Are we talking country gravy? Yeah, what kind of gravy? Red-eye gravy? We're just talking like brown.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Are you talking about like a nice gravy, like a marinara, like a sundae gravy? Brown, straight brown gravy. Brown gravy. Just some brown ass. God damn it. Packet ass gravy? Just some brown ass gravy. Brown gravy Jordan.
Starting point is 00:55:59 Yeah. Add it again. Old, going back on his picks. Brown gravy Jordan. Just a pack of McCormick's. Brown gravy. Pepper Jack and brown gravy. It sounds like you are making a sandwich out of the food that's left in a beach house fridge. No.
Starting point is 00:56:18 You guys can keep guessing though. You know what it sounds like to me? It sounds like a team of bumbling stick up kids. I like that it sounds horrible right now. It's a pepper jack and brown gravy. It does. I'll tell you what I wouldn't do is dip pepper jack in gravy. That's something that I'd have to be pretty tore up to do.
Starting point is 00:56:38 It's crazy that you don't smoke weed. Yeah, yeah. This is crazy. These combos you're coming up with. Yeah, but it's a whole sandwich. Okay, I understand. I don't know if it's, if Pepper Jack gravy
Starting point is 00:56:49 or the fact that you like ICP is weirder with you not liking weed. I will say, till the day I die, that it was one of the best shows I've ever seen and that they are hilarious and the beats are on point. I'd just like to get you on record
Starting point is 00:56:59 as often as possible. I've been on record like 30 times. Most of these could go up in flames and there's got to be one where I'm still on record. Gravy is good. Gravy on sandwiches. It's usually a Thanksgiving sandwich, which is not my cup of sandwich.
Starting point is 00:57:14 It's a mess. It is a mess. What are you doing? Maybe your bread is like a Kentucky hot brown. I will feel bad about going back on that pick for like a week so no you were i the the earnest look of worry well i really tried to get that across that i did screw up and i didn't realize until i saw this is the only thing written on this because i so what i do with these lists i email them to myself and then if i think of something after the fact i write it down
Starting point is 00:57:42 yeah yeah yeah this is behind the draft so that's yeah. Yeah, this is like a little inside the mind of the man. So that's why I always have the notepad, because this is off-the-cuff stuff. Yeah. So anyway, that wasn't off-the-cuff, but it was a part of the second sandwich that I was crafting on the drive on the way over here. So you wrote some sheet music, and then you came over here and played jazz. Yeah, yeah. I like that.
Starting point is 00:57:58 Yeah, yeah. I like it a lot. David. Second pick. What's that silent laugh for? Oh, boy. He had his head back. David was doing a weird maniacal.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Second pick, I'm taking a meat. Okay. Going a little chicky fried steak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Chicken fried steak on top of the waffle. Waffle chicken fried steak.
Starting point is 00:58:21 Here's where we bend it like Beckham, though. Double breaded. Are we going straight into your third pick? We're going straight into the third pick. Oh, I like that. Okay. Here's where we bend it like Beckham, though. Double breaded. Wait, hold on. Are we going straight into your third pick? We're going straight into the third pick. Oh, I like that. Here's where we bend it like Beckham. Gotta pick a cheese, right? What kind of cheese is gonna go with this? It can't be too flavor. It can't be too crazy. A nice ricotta cheese.
Starting point is 00:58:38 What the fuck? That's ridiculous. I've been all around the world. I've been all around the world. I've been all around the world. You've been to Belgium. I'm going to put the American South. A nice ricotta cheese. And now Italy.
Starting point is 00:58:52 Yeah, a good ricotta. A ricotta is a thin schmear ricotta. A schmear. Yeah, a schmear ricotta. A schmear ricotta. It's a soft cheese. A schmear ricotta. It's a mellow cheese.
Starting point is 00:59:01 It's a mellow cheese. It's not. It's a sweet cheese. It is a sweet cheese. It's a sweet cheese ricotta. It is a sweet cheese. It's a sweet mellow cheese it's a mellow cheese it's not it's a sweet it's a sweet cheese it is a sweet cheese it's a sweet cheese ricotta it is a sweet cheese it's a sweet mellow very mellow sweet but it is a sweet ricotta something that you picture with that waffle with that waffle and then you hit the ricotta and then you get that chicky fried steak get out of here come on where am i at you're're in La La Land, my friend. Living her life. Apparently, and this is a tangent that will make sense once I've talked all the way through it.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Apparently, when we did a candy draft ages and ages and ages ago, I talked shit about grape nuts. And several listeners have brought up to me how I talked shit about grape nuts. Now, I haven't gone back and listened to that podcast. Well, it's a bad part of your life's over it's way in the past it was me eden dranger and that guy who played ducky in uh yeah 16 candles yeah oh i thought you meant ducky in the land before time no no no what remember ducky yeah yeah yeah no i remember yeah i can calm down and then in the serial draft afp aficionados will remember i took grape nuts first you did wait for like a like a like a hungover psychopath hungover not just alcohol back in my wife you know fresh off a breakup i whiling out in unprecedented way it
Starting point is 01:00:20 was weird it was weird the summer ended a lot started a lot different than it's yes well you finish i gotta tell you something but you but you finished this train of thought. So people were like, you said you hated Grape Nuts, and then you picked them first in a serial draft. I've always liked Grape Nuts. I don't know which me it was on that serial draft, if I was having a weird week, or if I was thrown off by being in front of a movie star from the 80s, or what the fuck happened. But I love Grape Nuts. You are an ardent no sweets with your meats man. Yeah. thrown off by being in front of a movie star from the 80s or what the fuck happened but i love
Starting point is 01:00:45 grape nuts you are an ardent no sweets with your meats man yeah but you're building a sandwich waffles ricotta cheese very chicken brides day listen listen a wise man once told me life's about progression it is right do you you know you don't grow you don't show it may be too early to even bring this up but do you you foresee more sweets with meats, or is this sort of a one-off? Here's the thing. Yeah. In constructing this, because this isn't... I'll tell you later what my first idea...
Starting point is 01:01:13 Okay. My first idea was mani. It was crazy. I can't wait. But I was just thinking, I was like, I'm doing new things. This road trip, I also ate a bunch of salads. You know, I'm doing new shit. My poops are different now.
Starting point is 01:01:28 I'm moving different. My body's different. Yeah. You got to pay attention to what your body wants. Yeah. And so sometimes I feel like I came down hard. You know, you know what I think really started the sweets with meats. Me not wanting it.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Yeah. Orange chicken in high school. I used to get so fucking sick of everybody talking about that goddamn panda express orange chicken and i was like you know what i'm not for it i'm not for it it was almost more of a philosophical thing it was yeah it was like your punk rock was not liking sweets and meats yeah i think i really think it was and i think that phase of my life might be over and i'm open to trying new things and I'm a textures guy anyway. You look at the sandwich, it's texture city.
Starting point is 01:02:08 I hope you didn't feel interrogated. I was just curious. No, I like it. I welcome on. Like I said, we're always constant change. Yeah, you gotta evolve. What were you gonna say? I saw Dulce the other night, last night and she's like, I was listening to the podcast
Starting point is 01:02:23 and I sound fucking mean and she goes she goes i listened to lady to lady is another podcast and she's like i was just so sweet nice and on on on yours i just sounded so mean and rude and i'm like you were you you know it was like a wrestling match because there was a crowd yeah she decided to be a heel that's good though i think that's shut up by the way we hung out with Malloy the other night. Shout out to Mike Malloyer. Yeah, Dulce is fantastic. Yeah, Dulce is awesome.
Starting point is 01:02:49 And she's not mean at all. She's such a fucking princess. And we went out, had a great night. Zach Harper was there. Shout out to Talk Hoops. Uh-huh. And we went back to the crib. And Mike was the only wrestling fan there.
Starting point is 01:03:00 Oh, God, yeah. And within 10 minutes, he had wrestled the Xbox controller away. And we were watching wrestling highlights for like 45 minutes yeah we're not talking a text from mike malloy then yes yeah that i got that night yes i mean that was the night we caught this works out so oh we went to york we had a great time also mike when you hear this i'll respond to that last text you gave me yeah uh that night that we were facetiming, I got should I try convincing Sean and Ian to watch Pete Dunn versus Tyler Bate? That's what we want! At 12.38am and then at 1.51am
Starting point is 01:03:29 yup, it works. That's amazing. Like, you know, someone will be like, hey, let's watch a video for three minutes. But Malloy puts it on and it's like 28 minutes and we're like, alright. Was it that British match? That was pretty good.
Starting point is 01:03:45 It was really good. It was great. Those British guys are crazy. But anyways, like I said, I'm expanding my horizons. Ricotta cheese. Ricotta cheese. One of the key components of a good lasagna. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:57 Sean Jordan? A good lasagna. A good lasagna. I've been called a good lasagna. I'm going to go with the ricotta. So now I'm going to go bread. Uh-huh. And I'm going to pick a one King's Hawaiian sweet roll.
Starting point is 01:04:08 Oh, okay. That's what I'm picking. You're making sliders. A King's Hawaiian sweet roll. That's not the name. I have a name that you're never going to guess, but I mean, I have a name for it. King's Hawaiian sweet rolls? No, I mean like the whole sandwich.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Pepper jack cheese. Yeah, the whole sandwich. Brown gravy. King's Hawaiian sweet roll. Yeah. You know, we don't have to just pick sandwiches we can afford. We can pick any sandwich in the world.
Starting point is 01:04:29 What kind of pepper jack are we talking about? I don't know, man. Is there a top tier? Yeah, Sargento. Like $4.50 a fucking thing. Maybe it is. That's not the top tier, is it? It's Mr. Craft. That's just the name brand. You know, I used to work at the Cheese Island in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
Starting point is 01:04:47 I used to run that B.I.H. And the best Pepper Jack we had was like five bucks a pound. Really? Like, I don't know how dank Pepper Jack gets. Yeah, I think it has a low ceiling. I'm sure it gets, maybe there's like super dank Pepper Jack, but it wasn't. It's a low ceiling high floor cheese. Does anyone ever made the joke of saying Sargento's Lonely Pepper Jack Hearts Club Band? Was that too far?
Starting point is 01:05:13 It was hard. I like where you went with it. It was like, I'm trying, I'm in a new space, so I'm trying to like. Sargento's Lonely Pepper Jack's Club Cheese. We hope you will enjoy the taste. Uh-huh. You know you're such a lovely sandu which we'd like to take you home with us we'd like to take you home it was 20 years ago today hey sean jordan was in the cheese aisle hey and then further lyrics it was 20 years ago today
Starting point is 01:05:43 yeah all the no i don't want to say it. All the meat department dudes, though. So I was in the cheese island. All the deli dudes? No, the meat department. So the deli, we had like a New York style deli, which is what they called the deli. Which is not a New York style deli. It was like fried chicken and stuff.
Starting point is 01:05:57 That doesn't mean they shouted at you. Yeah, I'm walking here. The cheese island was where I worked and it was just me and then like a bunch of old ladies. And then all the meat department dudes were like, they were in my eye line and they were like over there sawing bone and like ripped shit hanging and just blood all over them. And I would go get stuff from the meat department and they just hated my guts. Yeah. They would always call me a coward because I worked at the cheese island.
Starting point is 01:06:20 He was over there with the cheese maidens. I wasn't working at the- Oh, they didn't like cheese? No. I'm saying, you know? Dickheads. It was back when I wish, there were points of my life when i wish i would have had a lot more confidence and that was one of them when i would have just been like what like looking at me like what are you looking at flip them off you know come on over here meat department dudes bring your bone saw i got a meat slicer put a hole in you like this
Starting point is 01:06:38 delicious like this delicious swiss cheese we're offering this board said for 4.99 a pound limited limited time but for you you can get it anytime brother you can get any time i'm over here king's wine sweet roll yeah king's wine sweet roll it's a delicious they are always soft now they do not get hard yeah you're gonna get a block of these you could shove one of those through a painting at any time thumb it through. They're little. But I'm not gonna assume you're just making one little one. No. Three, four of them. Yeah, we're gonna have a fleet.
Starting point is 01:07:11 I thought it was like a slider situation. I mean, you know, you picture what you want to picture, dog. Damn. You gotta get... Then I'm gonna piss on it for my last two inches. You gotta get a fresh You gotta get a fresh King's sweet Hawaiian. Ian's freaking out. Nope, man.
Starting point is 01:07:30 Ian's chewing on his fingers. You got to get a fresh King's Hawaiian sweet roll so it'll soak up that gravy, right? Or do you leave it out a little bit? It is very porous. We don't know yet. It's very porous. Yeah, we don't know yet. It was interesting.
Starting point is 01:07:43 All right. Ian's looking at me. I don't know yet. It's very porous. It was interesting. Ian's looking at me with like a smirk and he's interested. I'm curious where Ian's going right now. Because David's is straight up wild. Mine feels a little bit down the middle, but it's high quality. I don't know where yours is going.
Starting point is 01:07:57 I don't know what's going to tie the room together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the big question. I don't know what's going to like. Yours is wild. Yours is like if we were developing tie the room together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the big question. I don't know what's going to work. Yours is wild. Yours is like if we were developing an AFE robot. It's like- You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:08:10 To like sit in when one of us was on the road, but we hadn't perfected the programming yet. Like when those Facebook robots developed their own communication. Right, yeah, yeah. And we're like, oh shit, it spit out pepper jack gravy and King's Hawaiian sweet roll. That can't be right. I can't write a book about this. I need three better subjects. Shut it down down shut it down there was this old show called made mary and i don't know where it was but it was they would put three things into a robot and a book would
Starting point is 01:08:36 come out of the use those three things like ingredients oh wow like a boot uh like a piece of gold and then like you know a bible or something like that. What was the show? What was Made Marrying? I don't understand what you're saying. There was this lady trapped in a dungeon and this witch would always come down and be like if you make me the right book with these things, I'll let you out. So she'd give her three things. She'd throw them in the book robot and then they would make a book and then, no? Nothing?
Starting point is 01:08:58 No. She was in a dungeon and there was a robot and a witch? Yeah. I don't know. I don't't know it could have been a podcast dream you had no fever dream i had when i was sick no it was a show i'll try to find i'll try to find it now i'm interested as well made marion yeah was it a like a like a was it like a like a janky was it like a like a pbs show or was it like a PBS show? Or was it like a Saturday morning? Made Marian and Her Merry Men? No, I doubt it.
Starting point is 01:09:27 That's Robin Hood, right? Am I crazy? That's what I thought you were talking about the whole time. No. I don't know. I'm either way. We're not going to get to the bottom of this. It might be a deep dig.
Starting point is 01:09:36 I'm excited to see your meat. King's Wine Sweet Roll. Yeah. King's Wine Sweet Roll. And that's you. Time for me to take a pick. And then your fourth pick. And then my fourth pick.
Starting point is 01:09:42 As it is serpentine. It sure is. With my fourth pick, I am going to take a pick and then your fourth pick and then my fourth pick as it is serpentine it sure is with my fourth pick I am going to take pastrami ooh I knew it fucking thick
Starting point is 01:09:51 I knew it fatty how thick is it fucking I like a thick pastrami so go over what you picked so far are we doing chopped or are we doing like a big piece
Starting point is 01:09:58 chopped kind of like yeah yeah yeah yeah what have you picked so far give it to me deli mustard and swiss cheese uh huh
Starting point is 01:10:04 and I'm taking pastrami. Okay. Yeah. All right. That's a great sandwich. It's a fucking good sandwich. How thick is the pastrami? I like the thick kind of chunks, almost pastrami that's almost corn beefy.
Starting point is 01:10:17 Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Some people really like a very thin cut pastrami. I like it a little thicker. Is there a sandwich that just has one? Some of the chunks are just fat. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:27 Some of the chunks are just fat. And there's like really good pepper crusted. Yeah. Yeah. People used to come in and have us cut like half inch thick pastrami. Yeah. And I would feel like they would just put like two strips of pastrami, like bacon kind of on the sandwich.
Starting point is 01:10:39 And that seems like how I'd want to do it. You want little thin strips of pastrami? No, I want big thick ones. Oh, big thick ones. Yeah, yeah. Half inch ones. Just fucking. Big fucking ones. Oh, big thick ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Half-inch ones. Big fucking thick, but like premium. Yeah, fatty.
Starting point is 01:10:49 Some of it melts in your mouth. It's so good. I love pastrami. I can't turn my back on it. I'm with it. Well, why would you? The sandwich isn't kosher because of the meat and cheese combination, but it is still very Jewish. It's good that you still like pastrami even after what happened.
Starting point is 01:11:04 Yeah. The pastrami incident? Yeah, yeah. Therami incident yeah yeah the sequel there's nothing nothing it's just a fun thing to say what yeah zach did that one time he got up like the italian job we're talking about mustard and zach's like i can't eat mustard not after what happened and it's just a fun thing to walk out of the room and leave people wondering like what happened though somebody just poured mustard on him while he was sleeping. He was making a sandwich and he did the squeeze and just water came out. You know when bad mustard does that?
Starting point is 01:11:31 That shit sucks. That's a fucking heartbreaker. That is a rough. So with a good deli mustard, you have to get in there and stir it around a little bit right before you pour it on. A good deli? Yeah. Not if you have the kind of forearms I've been developing at the gym every day. Every day.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Every day. You know there's no limit to the amount of times you can go to a gym in one day? I've been developing at the gym every day. Every day. Every day. You know there's no limit to the amount of times you can go to a gym in one day? You can go as many times as you want. I'm going after this. It'll be my 24th day in a row at 24 Hour Fitness. Playboy. Yuck. Man.
Starting point is 01:11:54 24 squared. So anyway, with these fucking forearms, you just sort of shake it. You know? So you don't have to get in there. You don't have to mix it. You don't have to fuck with it. Man, I wonder what my forearms would do. The mustard would come out laughing at me.
Starting point is 01:12:06 It'd just get on my sandwich and dance. Buckle under. Yeah. All the mustard would just disappear and it'd be loose. Your forearm bones would shatter. I'd just shake in my bingo wings all over the place. Come on, mustard. Your bingo wing would clap SOS on your side and a Navy helicopter would land.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Your bingo wing would clap SOS on your side and a Navy helicopter would land. Your bingo wing would clap SOS. I'm just picturing a bingo wing clapping SOS. Bingo. Okay, wait. So pastrami. Yeah. Pastrami. Deli mustard, Swiss cheese.
Starting point is 01:12:41 I mean, I got a loose idea where we're going, right? Jewish rye. Jewish rye. Jewish rye. A good Jewish rye bread. But you're not Jewish. Oh, that's where you're wrong, my friend. That's where you're wrong, my friend. That's where you're wrong, my friend.
Starting point is 01:12:55 I am indeed Jewish. And as a Jew, it is my want to like a nice Jewish rye. Like a dark rye or like a light rye? A Jewish rye bread is more of a light rye. Is it like marble rye? Similar? No, it's... Is it straight brown?
Starting point is 01:13:10 It's kind of... Sort of like my gravy. I'm going to show you. It's a little lighter. I'm going to Google it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to Google it right now. It's not...
Starting point is 01:13:18 I thought you were just kidding. It's actually called Jewish rye? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jewish rye bread. Wait a minute. Let's see here. Everybody who's listening google well you know what i won't do it i'd like it described to me it's fun the visual is fun
Starting point is 01:13:29 it's i i don't even really know exactly how to describe it other than okay i see it i see it some some rye breads are darker like a it looks like a mid-level it looks like kind of a thicker crust like a mid-level you guys have both picked your so like a pumpernickel is almost a rye bread but that's really dark yeah okay i got a jewish rye bread is like kind of a lighter crust. Like a mid-level enforcer? You guys have both picked your, so like a pumpernickel is almost a rye bread, but that's a really dark. Yeah, okay. I gotcha. And a Jewish rye bread is like kind of a lighter rye bread.
Starting point is 01:13:50 Okay. I gotcha. Yeah, I'm with it. Yeah. All right. And that's what I want. All right. A little tang to it,
Starting point is 01:13:56 but not sourdough. It's still got some earthiness to it. Yeah. Yeah. Something, it's solid. It's important for as much meat as I'm going to want on the sandwich, which is a lot,
Starting point is 01:14:07 a lot of meat. You know, what would be fun is when we get the address for head gum and just have everybody send in these sandwiches to us, have them like Postmates, a homemade versions of these sandwiches. You're assuming people, everyone lives in LA.
Starting point is 01:14:20 Cause there's some of these are going to come with somebody from New Zealand hit me up today. So we're going to get like, well, you can always hit. Can't, I don't know how Postmates, can Zealand hit me up today so we're going to get like well you can always hit can't I don't know how Postmates can you hit someone up on Postmates have them make something for you and no it's not a sandwich making app
Starting point is 01:14:31 can you do that anywhere like maybe if somebody got Postmates they lived in New Zealand and they downloaded Postmates and they told Cantors to make the sandwich for us and sent it to us I guess conceivably they could do that yeah yeah so yeah fuck yeah okay yeah I mean send us the sandwich I was thinking about I didn't mean like mail it and sent it to us. I guess conceivably they could do that. Yeah? Yeah. So yeah, fuck yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:47 Okay, yeah. I mean, send us the sandwich. I was thinking about, I didn't mean like mail it from their crib. I just meant like find a way to get it made here and then, you know, get it over here. Man, that would be crazy. It would be so tight. That would be so tight.
Starting point is 01:14:58 I'm very with it. Yeah, so a Jewish rye bread and a pastrami. Okay. Where are you at? Where are you at? This you at this is this is i'm on this is my fourth pick yeah ready i need to know it's your fourth pick bread cheese yeah okay hawaiian sweet roll we got gravy pepper jack gravy king's hawaiian sweet so now i'm gonna pick the meat i'm gonna pick chislik you fuck i mean it was gonna happen it was gonna happen
Starting point is 01:15:21 of course i have to pick that i get a chance to pick meat on a sandwich I knew you weren't gonna pick it I get that but it's part of my sandwich it's part of what I want on my sandwich yeah I got your finger up say something what do you want to say isn't chicken fried steak chiseled no chicken fried steak is chicken it's battered
Starting point is 01:15:39 chiseled isn't battered chiseled is steak chicken fried steak is steak you thought it's chicken? Yeah, I thought it was chicken. God damn it, Sean Jordan. God damn it. God damn it.
Starting point is 01:15:51 Is there chicken fried chicken? Fried chicken. Chicken fried chicken. Fried chicken is chicken fried. Chicken fried steak is beef. It's beef. You guys should thank me for all these t-shirts we can crank out. So I can't pick Chiswick? Chicken fried steak with fried chicken i didn't i don't know that i thought it was chicken but i don't think that i knew it was steak so what did you think it was you didn't
Starting point is 01:16:18 know you thought it was its own thing from an animal i don't know fried? I don't know. I have to be honest and tell you that I also thought that until I was like 13, 14. I did though. I really thought it was like it's chicken. And they just made like a patty that they beat out. I just didn't know it was steak.
Starting point is 01:16:44 I don't know what I thought it was. Chicken fried steak. Have you had it? Yeah, I've had it. I've had tons of it. The naan is steak and the chicken fried is the modifier. I just don't understand what... This is the best.
Starting point is 01:16:56 I don't care. This is crazy. That's great. That's great. I'm into it. I mean... What is country fried steak? Same thing.
Starting point is 01:17:04 Keith is asking what is country fried steak that's also chicken fried steak yeah same thing well then now since I already fucked up once I'm not gonna let myself pick hold on chiseled
Starting point is 01:17:12 oh I'm looking no why would you not I don't think chiseled doesn't look but it's not the same it's not the same I mean it's deep fried and it's
Starting point is 01:17:19 but it's not it's not battered battered is a huge difference battered is like a big part of chicken fried steak. Chislik. I mean, it's part of the same. If someone can send us chislik to the HeadGum podcast.
Starting point is 01:17:33 We can all make chislik. It's very easy to do. Sean got a chislik t-shirt. Yeah, I did get a chislik t-shirt. It's just the license plate is South Dakota. It says chislik in the middle of it. All right. I went to the Chislik Wikipedia page
Starting point is 01:17:47 And it's just like a bunch of Chislik A salt and some saltine crackers On a plate On a plate, white plate Yeah, you nailed it At some bowling alley But it's part of the sandwich Alright, I have a Jack Gravy, King's Wine Sweet Roll
Starting point is 01:18:02 And Chislik People are wiling out that you took Chislic. I think people. They love it. I think people. I think that you and I are in a similar boat this week where, like, people aren't going to know what to make of it. Give it a shot. Well, when I'm done with it, give it a shot.
Starting point is 01:18:18 And when you're done with it, give it a shot. Yeah, me too. Now I feel bad for. Your heart. I thought I was going to have to course correct so that people would take some of my elements for my sandwich I didn't think I was going to just straight up get a sandwich that you could put in any Jewish salad It's funny
Starting point is 01:18:34 Well when we're done I'll go through I'll go through what I'll say some stuff that I made fun of four more Chislik dog You knew that was going to happen. No, I didn't. No, I didn't at all.
Starting point is 01:18:47 Well, after you heard David pick steak, you're like, obviously, steak's off the record. But you didn't know that I thought chicken fried steak was chicken. You're making kind of like a Midwest- Like a leftover. Chili cheese steak almost. Like mom's not home. You guys are dangerously close. Okay.
Starting point is 01:19:00 You're dangerously close, both of you. Okay. It's like a Skrilladelphia cheese. A little South Dakota hot brown I see it Alright David Boy It's time for your
Starting point is 01:19:09 Fourth and then Final pick So fourth pick I need a condiment Yep So we've got The waffle Waffle
Starting point is 01:19:17 Chicken fried steak Ricotta Chicken fried steak Ricotta I'm going as a condiment And just light Not a lot You don't want to go crazy
Starting point is 01:19:24 With this Apple butter Oh That's another Very sweet thing I'm going as a condiment and just light not a lot you don't want to go crazy with this apple butter oh that's another very sweet thing it is so sweet but just like a thin just a whisper
Starting point is 01:19:33 apple butter just a just a white just put an apple near it for a second then take the apple away just kiss it then just
Starting point is 01:19:39 just kiss it say a poem in between the apple and the sandwich yeah listen to some Coldplay and watch a Gwyneth Paltrow movie at the apple and the sandwich. Yeah, yeah. Listen to some Coldplay. Whatever brings over. And watch a Gwyneth Paltrow movie.
Starting point is 01:19:47 At the apple. Knowing that they named their kid Apple. Uh-huh. Yeah. And that's it. Let's have your sandwich in the room. Maybe there's a Macintosh in the other room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the essence.
Starting point is 01:19:55 Use an iPod. Just that small amount of apple butter. Just ever so gently. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the sandwich while this is happening. And then whatever essence of the apple goes to the sandwich. Call Sean's friend Smith's grandma.
Starting point is 01:20:12 Put her on the phone with your sandwich. Granny Smith. Granny Smith. Can you just say, just whisper the word butter to my waffle. Just whisper butter to my waffle. And since it's on an iPhone, it's going to help. Watch the Straight Outta Compton movie. Pause it on that scene
Starting point is 01:20:29 where Dre is leaving Death Row Records. Right there. And Suge Knight is in that all red room. Sure. Suge Knight is a red delicious. Uh-huh. His name's Suge and he's a blood.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Red delicious. That, that's how much apple butter. That's just, yeah. Just a little bit. just that just it just just a little bit just it not too much just a little bit just a light because it's already sweet it's a very sweet sandwich which is also why my fifth pick yes we got it we got to bring
Starting point is 01:20:58 it back you have bread meat cheese and cond, so it's time for your wild card. My wild card can be anything, right? I think it can be anything. It could be other bread. I'm going another meat. Whoa. I'm going mid-level. Not too thin.
Starting point is 01:21:17 Not too thin. Yep. Middle of the road slice, corned beef. Fuck. That was going to be my wild card. I didn't even think. I got knocked off my game. I liked it. I did.
Starting point is 01:21:28 I didn't even think to choose two meats for wild cards. Because it was getting too sweet, so you needed to bring it back. Oh, corned beef will bring it right back down to earth. You needed to bring it back to earth. Right back down to that, yeah. So what I'm saying, the texture is going to be on point because you got the fairly soft waffle, but then the crunchy chicken fried steak. And then you've got like the savory corned beef. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:51 And then the ricotta soft in there. It's not going to be too soft. You're going to be able to hold it. You're going to be able to eat it. And then you got that little wisp of apple butter. So it keeps the sweet theme. I think I'm crazy for this one. You are crazy.
Starting point is 01:22:04 That's a crazy sandwich. That's a crazy sandwich. That's a crazy sandwich. Now, if I just walked in the room, how much apple butter is going on there? Just, listen, here's what I'm saying. Just the. You get a Jolly Rancher, right? Just the, yeah. You suck it.
Starting point is 01:22:16 You suck it. You suck it. I'm in. I'm in. You spit it out. Okay. You spit out the Jolly Rancher. Okay.
Starting point is 01:22:20 You dry out your mouth. Then you go, you kiss a woman. Okay. And then she takes your Jolly Rancher breath. Okay. And out your mouth. Then you go, you kiss a woman. Okay. And then she takes your Jolly Rancher breath and whispers it. Over to the sandwich. Onto the sandwich. That's what, we're talking a whisper of a whisper. So not a lot.
Starting point is 01:22:34 A trace of a trace. Yeah. Absolutely not a lot. A trace of a trace. Okay. All right. I like that. Just enough, just one.
Starting point is 01:22:40 How much corned beef? Shit low, bro. I'm saying one medium slice. Not enough. It's more of a, corned beef? Shit low, bro. I'm saying one medium slice. Not enough. It's more of a... Corned beef is kind of a chunky meat. It can be sometimes. It can be.
Starting point is 01:22:52 I don't want the chopped. I just want a fairly thin... I don't want deli slice thin, but I don't want a hunk. I'm just saying... This is a crazy sandwich, David. But I think it's... I think... I bet it would be good.
Starting point is 01:23:05 We always have to make this. If you really open your mind to the possibility, I think it's a pretty incredible sandwich. I think it sounds like it'd be fucking awesome. The corned beef is the true wild card, because it's a wild card. It's a wild card. It was making sense to me.
Starting point is 01:23:19 Not that it doesn't make sense now, because it still sounds like... I think it would probably be delicious. Yeah. But in my head, I could hold it in my head. It made sense. Until the corned beef came. Until now, I'm like, what?
Starting point is 01:23:29 Do you care what layers? Do you care what order everything goes in? So the way I think about it, like ground up, I think you're going to go waffle, ricotta cheese, chicken fried steak, corned beef, the apple butter on the top waffle. Mush it all together. Do it like that. Man, that sounds gnarly. I think it would be so good, though.
Starting point is 01:23:53 Yeah. I really have been running the flavors over in my head, and I think if you get the proportions right, I think it would be some crazy shit. I agree. Some crazy shit. That's $16, DTLA. I could see that on a menu.
Starting point is 01:24:06 Yeah, I might honestly go through the world. Start a food cart. I might have to just, I might have to make it. Do you have a name for the sandwich yet?
Starting point is 01:24:13 You don't have to. We can circle back around. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. We'll circle back around. Yeah, I gotta think on it. I gotta think on it
Starting point is 01:24:19 to be honest with you. Corned beef. Sean Jordan, it is time for your final pick. Final pick. So you have your cheese, you have your condiment, you have your bread, you have your meat. Time for your final pick final pick so you have your cheese you have your condiment you have your bread
Starting point is 01:24:26 you have your meat time for your wild card it's gonna be mashed potatoes yeah they all go on it together great it's called the South Dakota wedding burger
Starting point is 01:24:35 great oh you've talked about this before that's what you get at weddings when you're there you get like you just
Starting point is 01:24:42 there's always Hawaiian sweet rolls and then there's like fucking chiseled and there's always Hawaiian sweet rolls, and then there's, like, fucking chiseling, and there's always, like Ian was saying, a tray of cheese, so you get creative. You're a little tore up. There's always mashed potatoes and gravy, and if you're nuts, you throw some corn on there. But I'm pretty sure I made it up,
Starting point is 01:24:57 or once, somebody in the crew, but South Dakota Wedding Burger, and delish. Damn. Absolutely delish. I fuck with that. So not a ton of gravy. Like, it's not smothered.
Starting point is 01:25:05 It's not like an open paste. It's just like a dab will do you on the gravy situation. Okay, that makes sense. You make a little pool, put the dab and then the cheese, and then you're all good. How much mashed potatoes? I use a healthy amount of mashed potatoes. I think more mashed potatoes than anything for me. Are these buttery mashed potatoes?
Starting point is 01:25:23 Loaded mashed potatoes? No, they're just, I mean... Yeah, just standard issue. GI, you know. Boxer hole. Well, Hy-Vee normally caters them in, so, you know. I don't know what that means. I just like pre-made mashed potatoes, but they're not like made. I mean, because I like box.
Starting point is 01:25:39 I still all have a box of mashed potatoes. Potato flakes. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Mashed potato to me. It's a little fillery. It's a little fillery? And that's worth the point, though, right? It's a filler. Yeah, you fill it out the sandy.
Starting point is 01:25:56 You don't like, you think it's a pedestrian pick? Mashed potatoes? Yeah. No, I know where you're coming from. I don't think it's a pedestrian pick. I don't know. It's so. Maybe it's good. I bet I would where you're coming from. I don't think it's a pedestrian pick. I don't know. It's so... Maybe it's good.
Starting point is 01:26:07 Maybe... I bet I would love it if I tried it. I would... We would all love all these sandwiches if we tried them. So, okay. You get the bottom of your roll. You put a scoop of mashed potatoes on there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:16 You pull it out. You put the gravy in. A little pull. You put the pepper jack on. And then you put like three pieces of chiswick on. Okay. Then you get your top piece. Mash it.
Starting point is 01:26:24 Kind of close the sides a little bit so the gravy doesn't come pouring out the back when you bite it. And then it's like a three-biter. We got to make these. So you get like a piece of chiseled for each bite. We have to make these sandwiches. It's my only... I think that's fine.
Starting point is 01:26:38 I think that's fine. We got to make these sandwiches. We do have to make these sandwiches. We have to have a taste of them. I've never thought about that because I've done that pretty much every function i've been yeah i would fucking graduate i would eat it right there with you open houses weddings i'm with it i'm with it fucking you get a funeral sometimes where that shit's happening yeah i've that's been a constant in my life because
Starting point is 01:26:58 i like a mashed potato because i can mix it with gravy uh-huh and it's basically a gravy delivery mechanism yeah but you have that already in the King's Hawaiian Sweet Roll. You do. I'm just saying where I'm from an outsider looking in, if I had a concern, and I don't even have one, because I think it sounds great. The mashed potatoes serve as sort of a wall to keep the gravy in, whereas the bread wouldn't necessarily do that.
Starting point is 01:27:20 We'd soak it up, but it would... But then you're dripping. It'd have to be a dipping situation. Then you're dripping off the bread, Scotty Drippin'. this way you don't yeah dripping ain't easy you know but it's necessary i get it big dripping i get it i see where i see i see the move and i like it drip see all right man yeah Ian Ian was just cutting himself for a second alright he had a lighter up to his arm like Mr. Joshua
Starting point is 01:27:51 in the first Lethal Weapon I love it though, it's not the Golden Wedding Burger great name I've been wanting to get that on a podcast ever since I started knowing what a podcast was so I'm excited and now we have the fifth and final pick Deli Mustard uh huh another scoop of Deli Mustard So I'm excited. Yuck. And now we have the fifth and final pick.
Starting point is 01:28:06 Deli mustard. Another scoop of deli mustard. Yellow mustard. Fuck with me. Two handfuls of deli mustard and someone's feeding you the rest of it. Deli mustard, Swiss cheese, pastrami, Jewish rye bread. God forgive me for being boring. You're not being boring.
Starting point is 01:28:31 A mayonnaise. Yeah. That's fantastic. I don't understand why they don't fuck with pastrami and mayonnaise on the regs. It's fucking good together. They never do. They don't. They act like it should just be the mustard because there's fat in the pastrami. I love, love mayo. Give me the extra. I eat sandwiches so seldom these days you know because i'm watching my figure
Starting point is 01:28:49 i've been at the gym every day every day i mean when do you have time to eat sandwiches between rarely emmy nominated work and then go to the gym you tell me every day you're pumping iron you're winning awards i'll open my ledger to you and if you can find me a sandwich block god bless you but i haven't been able to find it and i'm nominated for an emmy i on the other side other hand all sandwich blocks yeah pretty much i pretty much just eat sandwiches thinking about how i'm not going to the gym or getting nominated for an emmy i'm just eating sandwiches you know what i eat push-ups planks i eat reps and I shit sets. Tell that about that dude that was on the bench. Man, so this is like the guy you filmed the other day?
Starting point is 01:29:33 No. No, that dude was huge though, wasn't he? That guy looked like his body was normal and then it got up to his ribs. And then his Goldbergs and shit. And you're like, that dude is gigantic. He was mad. He looked like Aquaman, dude. He looked ribs. Yeah. And then his Goldbergs and shit. And you're like, that dude is gigantic. He was mad. He was like, he looked like Aquaman, dude. He's crazy.
Starting point is 01:29:48 Yeah. Yeah, it was nuts. No. So this is just like Jim complaining, which I don't know how interesting this is going to be. I think it's funny. I was there. No Jims have enough bench press benches.
Starting point is 01:29:58 And it was my day to do bench pressing, as is today. Were you in chest and tries? Chest and tries. Yeah, exactly. Back and buys exactly back and buys back and buys yesterday yeah they do that in ballers a lot and it is in the building i gotta catch up dude do you ever seen any of the new season okay isn't all right what well no really quick okay tangent to the tangent we're talking you should catch up and we're talking
Starting point is 01:30:23 about doing the three of us a ballers recap podcast oh shit uh-huh and we just do it i love a little 15 minute and we were stoned the other night and marissa you're here you tell us what you think of this the idea of the podcast is we you've never seen ballers right we explain to you what if she's like no i see i'm no i love it i love ballers the idea is we explain to you 10 15 minutes what happened that week in ballers. No, I love it. I love ballers. The idea is we explain to you 10, 15 minutes what happened that week in ballers. Are you in? Okay, yeah. Perfect.
Starting point is 01:30:50 Oh, man. That's hilarious. So stay tuned next week. I'm really excited. We'll record a couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I might get a fire stick because I got to figure out how to do it. And now I get to rewatch ballers.
Starting point is 01:30:58 Yeah. Oh, you come to the crib. Okay. Yeah, we got drinks and smokes. Yeah, we'll figure it out. So, previous tangent to that. Minimize that tab. Is, I was at the gym and there was a dude on the, like, old dude.
Starting point is 01:31:17 One of those ripped old dudes at the gym. Oh, like all his muscles looked like ropes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ropey. You said it like he was your biggest enemy in the world and he just walked in. Old dude. So, he's got like a balance ball, one of those like
Starting point is 01:31:31 you know, those balls that you said on the crunches, sitting next to the bench with his gym bag on the bench. By the way, and I didn't bring it up, but there's a sign that says no gym bags in the workout area. And again, I didn't bring it up. Now, is this the bench press bench or one of the free weight bench? No, bench press.
Starting point is 01:31:46 Like the bench press. That's a bold. That seems very bold on his part. The other two are taken by two very large Armenian gentlemen who are putting in work. Yeah. You know? So I'm not going to go like, we actually wrapped about the same, but I didn't want to tap in and be like, hey, can I get in?
Starting point is 01:32:00 I didn't know where they were. But I saw that this guy wasn't using this bench and I stood there for like two, three minutes thinking like any minute now he'll start. And he didn't know where they were, but I saw that this guy wasn't using this bench. And I stood there for like two, three minutes thinking like any minute now he'll start. And he didn't. And then I went over and I was like, hey, are you using this bench? This is not even a good story. I don't know why I started. No, I'm really impressed. I was like, hey, are you using the bench?
Starting point is 01:32:17 And he was like, yeah, I am. I was like, oh, are you? And he was like, yeah. I'm like, all right. And then I walked away and i kind of eyeballed him for another one or two minutes doing some other peripheral like lifts i started i did an incline for a while and then one of the benches freed up so i'd already done two incline sets and then i went over to the actual bench and i banged out four sets of eight with rep rest in between before
Starting point is 01:32:40 he ever even laid down on that bench and so he was just fucking squatting everything it's not just the gym it just translates to life like that sort of uh yes this isn't your house you don't have all the time he was doing his little balance ball thing that's totally fine yeah but you're on there you got emmys i work out well but i mean that goes that goes right back to the pet peeves it It's like, dog, just be aware of your surroundings. It just, it tells me that somebody would do something like that.
Starting point is 01:33:08 It's crazy. I'm not a fan of it. I was even, I was even polite the first time I asked. I was like, hey, are you using this?
Starting point is 01:33:12 And he came back at me with the attitude and I'm not going to not respond. See, you know? Yeah. It's like a fucking,
Starting point is 01:33:18 a lane. If there's an Uber driver parked with their, like, are you using the lane? Yeah, I'm using the lane. We'll fucking drive.
Starting point is 01:33:22 Then use it. Same thing. Drive in the lane. Then use it, bro. Same exact thing, dude. Nothing different. Anyway, he anyway he's dead i killed him shout out to that dude you killed mayonnaise close that his name was actually and that's why i wanted my sandwich yeah just a plain fucking like uh a pastrami yeah a big pastrami deli mustard swiss cheese pastrami mayo on the jewish rye bread food. That's a great sandwich.
Starting point is 01:33:45 Do you have a name for your sandwich? Huh? Do you have a name for your sandwich? I mean, it's really just a pastrami sandwich, if we're being honest. It's a pastrami sandwich. Give me a second to think of a name. David, have you thought of a name? I don't know why this makes sense to me, but it does.
Starting point is 01:34:06 The Ellen Cleghorn. What? Ellen Cleghorn, the first black woman on SNL. All right. I don't know if that's true. It might be. I don't know why. I was just thinking of names, and I just felt like that name is as strange as that sandwich is,
Starting point is 01:34:26 but for some reason goes together. i have to find out oh she's from red hook oh man red hook is grimy i have to look up she's the first black woman on sml i don't now i gotta look up ellen clay i want these sandwiches now i do too man we live in la there has to be somewhere in la where we can dance maybe was that the first that was that was a few seasons in because i know garrett morris was the first black guy he was the first he was original right yeah he was yeah he was one of the well i have to come up with a name for my sandwich. I like that it's the Ellen Cleghorn. Yeah. Take Pastron me. Take Pastron me. I mean, that's great, but I have to name it.
Starting point is 01:35:11 But I love that name. Yeah. The Bar Mitzvah. Yeah. I like it a lot. You got to hang one of those on the wall right next the bar meets right next to the bar mitzvah certificate i would have rather gotten a bar mitzvah looking back now that hindsight is 2020 fuck that's such a good name for it the bar mitzvah this has food cart written all over it yeah guys we just changed the same well Well, two of you did, and I reinforced stereotypes.
Starting point is 01:35:49 But good stereotypes. Fuck yeah, happy to have them. That's the only sandwich that I've eaten that we've made. Right? I fucked that sandwich up. You know what that sandwich tastes like. I know exactly what it tastes like. These all taste good.
Starting point is 01:36:01 David, you opened it up. Yes. You made the Ellen Clay Gorn. Waffles, chicken fried steak, ricotta, apple butter, and corned beef. Thin, thin, or medium-sized corned beef. How much apple butter?
Starting point is 01:36:16 Just, uh, man. You're gonna peel an apple. Uh-huh. You take the skin of the apple. You're gonna take those peels. You're gonna put them in a bag. You're gonna mix them with some other fruits. You're gonna let them... Okay. Sort of like get to take those peels. You're going to put them in a bag. You're going to mix them with some other fruits. You're going to let them. Okay. So they'll get to know the other fruits.
Starting point is 01:36:28 Yeah, they're going to get to know the other fruits. You're going to put some water in there. You're going to put some yeast in there. You're going to make you some pruno. Put it behind the toilet for five days. You make some apple skin pruno. Then you're going to drink some of that pruno. You're going to get it enough to get drunk.
Starting point is 01:36:40 Enough to get drunk. Yeah, yeah. Then you're going to puke. You're going to puke that up. Yeah, you want to have a good time. And then you're going to have to cough. Yep. Or you're going to cough into a napkin. Yeah, yeah. Then you're going to puke. You're going to puke that up. Yeah, you want to have a good time. And then you're going to have to cough. Yep. Or you're going to cough into a napkin.
Starting point is 01:36:48 Uh-huh. And then you're just going to take a fan, and you're going to take that napkin, and you're going to put the waffle in front of the napkin in front of the fan, and you're just going to let that blow on. So not a lot. Not a lot of apples. Just the remnants of some puke. Just a tiny bit.
Starting point is 01:37:01 Just a puke remnant. Just a tiny bit. Just a, just a, just a, ooh, just a dab. Just a tiny bit. Just a puke remnant. Just a tiny bit. Just a just a damn. Just a dollop. I'm saying like you you're a grown up on a farm. You've been there your whole life.
Starting point is 01:37:15 You've been there your whole life. You're 13, 14 years old. You don't know anything different. You don't even know there were cities. And you grew up, the same the week you were born, your pa your pa also bought a young foal, a baby horse, right? Okay, yeah. So, and the two of you kind of grew up together. Sure.
Starting point is 01:37:30 You were friends. You'd run through the hills, you know what I mean? You'd do chores together. Sometimes the horse, Clarence was the horse's name, would pull like a, you know, like a yoke and like help till the fields. Yeah, you can't pull that yourself. No, but you'd be there, you know, you'd be petting Clarence and everything. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:44 And you're 14, 15 years old now, right? So is Clarence. A little more life experience. Yeah, horses live longer. You know, the horse can live to 30, 40 years old. But. How's Pa doing? Pa's great.
Starting point is 01:37:56 Don't worry about Pa. Yeah, this is your time. You're growing larger in ways and tastes. You know, you're out in the fields. And you don't even think about your future at this point, right? Because you're 13, 14 years old. You're out in the fields. And you don't even think about your future at this point, right? Because you're 13, 14 years old. You're like, I'm gonna... My father's a farmer. I'm a farmer.
Starting point is 01:38:12 I have this horse, Clarence. Where would I go? Yeah. Why leave? Yeah. It's dusk. Right? Uh-huh. And you and Clarence are out walking. The day of. And Clarence takes a little misstep. There was a gopher hole he didn't see.
Starting point is 01:38:29 Okay. He didn't. You were in some medium brush, not high brush. He doesn't. He doesn't see. You don't see it either. Nobody sees it. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:36 Steps wrong. That front right leg. Oh, it doesn't. It doesn't. It snaps. Oh, it snaps. It's loud, too. It's like a cacophonous, like a shotgun going off.
Starting point is 01:38:45 Shoots off through the orchard. Oh, my God. You can hear it. It bounces off the farm. There's an echo. Birds flying away. Birds flying. Into the dusk.
Starting point is 01:38:51 It looks pretty, but you're bummed. The light clicks on in the house because Pa heard it. Oh, damn it. Horse goes down. Clarence is on the ground. And you know, you've been on the farm long enough to know what this means. Me, too. You've seen it happen. He's not long for this world. This is the life we chose. One thing Clarence is on the ground. And you know, you've been on the farm long enough to know what this means. You've seen it happen. He's not long for this world.
Starting point is 01:39:07 This is the life we chose. One thing Clarence always loved, a little bite of an apple. Fresh apple. And you run over. Paul's coming out. He's like, what happened? He's like, Clarence stepped in a gopher hole. But you're running to the apple tree.
Starting point is 01:39:22 Yeah. And you find the best, biggest, brightest apple, the one you were saving for your mom's apple pie, because the state fair is coming up. That's two, three weeks away. You pluck it off the tree. She wants to win again. You run it back, and you feed that apple to Clarence.
Starting point is 01:39:36 And then your dad comes out with a gun. He's like, you go back to the farmhouse, and you say, no, Pa. He's my horse. I'll do this, right? And you do it. You put him down. There's no way to recover from that.
Starting point is 01:39:49 You put Clarence down. And you give him a proper burial. And it turns out that it was sort of a liberating experience for you, too. Because once Clarence died, the sense of obligation to stay on this farm and also become a farmer died with it. It broke down the walls. Yeah. You apply to college, you know. You get in.
Starting point is 01:40:11 You go off to school. Yeah. All of a sudden now your horizons have expanded, you know. And on the day you graduate from college, you come back to the farm. And you walk up to where clarence was buried and there's a little rock marking it and there's a there's a flower growing out from clarence's grave and you kneel down and you smell it and and you swear that there's just a little part of you that can still smell some of that apple that you fed Clarence that day.
Starting point is 01:40:49 And like that much apple butter. Just that much apple butter. Pretty good, Carmel. Pretty good, Carmel. God damn it. That's where the Emmy comes from. That's where the Emmy comes from. That's where the Emmy comes from. It was so quiet.
Starting point is 01:41:10 I actually, I knew, I mean, I knew it was a bit, but I'm like, I have a visual of all of that. I forgot about the sandwich. I have a visual. Ever since he broke his leg, I start, I'm like, there's my, I have a visual of this whole thing. Pa's running out. You're running out to get the apple, trying to pa back yep oh god that was good man sean you picked peppers up gravy the king's hawaiian sweet roll chislik and mashed potatoes the south dakota wedding burger yeah and then i went with deli mustard, Swiss cheese, pastrami, Jewish rye bread, and a mayonnaise
Starting point is 01:41:48 and called it the bar mitzvah. This is fucking sick. Yeah. I love it. These are some good sandwiches. Holy shit, what a good one. Yeah. I mean, it's pointless to almost say the things we left on the table.
Starting point is 01:42:02 Well, okay. Right? I mean, I'll, you know, it's a good thing that we're such good friends. Cause I basically caught myself making a Subway sandwich. I was like, I can't do this. Did you catch yourself or did we catch you? No,
Starting point is 01:42:14 that's why I had this. So it was going to be Chipotle. It was going to be Chipotle mayo, pepper jack stayed on there. And then it was going to be Parmesan oregano bread. And then it was going to be, and then it was going to be pepper Turkey. And then it was going to be chips for thegano bread and then it was going to be and then it was going to be pepper turkey and then it was going to be chips for the for the mystery that's what i do at subway i got it done i was like you fucking dip shit you can't roll in
Starting point is 01:42:33 you're gonna get that sandwich for six bucks right now i know i was fucking right when i got done i was like you think you're creative and that's what came out you're supposed to be a creative type david you you were saying that you had came out you're supposed to be a creative type david you you were saying that you had another sandwich idea originally so here was what my initial sandwich was it was going to be dutch crunch bread what is dutch crunch bread they only you can only find it in the bay area it's the dutch made it when they came here it's it's like it's like it's like a crunchy exterior and then it's kind of sweet in the middle. It's so good on sandwiches.
Starting point is 01:43:09 So good. But it was going to be Dutch crunch bread. Then I was going to do Philadelphia cream cheese. Philadelphia cream cheese. And then bacon. Whoa. And then blueberry jam. What?
Starting point is 01:43:23 And then. Some more sweets with your meats. Yeah. But that was. And then blueberry jam. What? And then. Some more sweets with your meats. Yeah. But that was. And then I forgot. Oh, and then a thin, just a kiss of sour cream. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:33 That was the first one. But then I was like, I actually talked to my man, Sam Talent, about it this morning. And he was like, that's trying too hard. And I was like, I think it is. Did you have a first draft? No. You were playing jazz. You were playing jazz. Dude, I was like, I think it is. Did you have a first draft? No. You were playing jazz, though. You were playing jazz.
Starting point is 01:43:46 Dude, I thought about this for like an hour and I still came up with a Subway sandwich. Here's what I, it's crazy to me. You were playing jazz, but then you went, that's like La La Land jazz. Well, I had a sandwich in mind, but I thought somebody was going to take Swiss cheese. I thought somebody might take the strawberry. I was going to take Swiss cheese. Yeah. They have that at Subway? Because if they do, I might have been able to take it. I don't know if they strawberry. I was going to take Swiss cheese. Yeah. They have that at Subway?
Starting point is 01:44:05 Because if they do, I might have been able to take it. I don't know if they do. They do at some of them. No, they have provolone at some of them. Ooh, I love provolone. Provolone is really good. If I could add one thing to your sandwich, David, do you know what I think I could use is just a little bit of spice?
Starting point is 01:44:19 That's what I was kind of wondering. Yeah. I was kind of thinking maybe like some hot sauce. Like a chili jelly. Yeah. Like if there was a chili apple butter if somehow that existed somehow i'm sure it does that to get some kind of spot because that's what i was kind of thinking too is there just needed to be like a little just a little if i made it yeah maybe i would just do like a dash of red pepper yeah yeah just a dash of cayenne over the whole situation. That sounds chili apple butter. Right? That's what they used to call me.
Starting point is 01:44:45 Yeah? Hey, chili apple butter. Right, so those are our picks. This is it. Make sure you go to at Ian Carmel and vote. There will be a poll on this one. There's got to be. And send us in yours, too.
Starting point is 01:45:00 We love that. We love when they ask. Yeah, send us in your drafts. Hell yeah. Shout out to the afe subreddit yeah we're gonna get on there yeah we're gonna get on there i was on there for a second i posted once and i forgot to go back and look but marissa hooked us up and i will go back i'll get better at that and uh yeah tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything
Starting point is 01:45:23 yuck for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! Yuck. That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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