All Fantasy Everything - A TV Family (w/ Mina Kimes, Jason Concepcion, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 27, 2018

Television has given us so many great mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, pets, weird uncles, neighbors, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME WE DRAFT THEM? Host Ian Karmel is joined by writers/television personalities Mina Kimes and Jason Concepcion and COWARD Sean Jordan to draft the ultimate TV Family. Episode Guests:Jason Concepcion @netw3rk IG: @x_netw3rk_xMina Kimes @minakimes IG: @mina_kimesSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-longs episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that's thinking about trying a Polish restaurant. Hello. Esta noche. Es posible esta noche. Sure. But maybe not, you know.

We'll see. We'll see how far into Glass Hill Park we want to get tonight sure i'm thinking i know we talked about what are we what were we talking about watching some of these movies favorite favorite yeah the favorite is great is it really good it's really great we just had allison herman in here and she kept talking about how good the favorite was it's great and the other so it's about queen anne who reigned for a short period of time during the early 18th century i want to say and i looked i was started wik Wikipedia her and it seems like there's a lot of historical basis for what I assumed was just kind of like a fun.

Oh, really? Yeah. Hi, maybe we should. That was a, that was a great description. I'm pretty excited.

It's a wonderful film. This guy is a professional. I know. I'm not an amateur. I'm surrounded by professionals. I don't know what I'm doing over here. It's daylight savings time. You need to set your watch for it. It's not an amateur hour anymore. What a professional. I know. It's not amateur hour. I'm surrounded by professionals. I don't know what I'm doing over here. It's daylight savings time. You need to set your watch for it.

Come on. It's not amateur hour anymore. What a day. Anyway, it's that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Yes, sir. Sean Cougar Melton Jordan on the gram.

Round of applause. A lot of those out there. And Marissa's freaking out. There's more and more. I laugh and I clap and Marissa's like, hey, we try to not clap. You do clap a lot. So I haven't seen you since last week and you've shaved the beard and I was. There's more and more. I laugh and I clap and Marissa's like, hey, we try to not clap. You do clap a lot. So I haven't seen you since last week

and you've shaved the beard and I was, it's just jarring. It's jarring. It really is jarring. Sorry that my face is so gnarly. You forget what a fresh face

has to look like. You two know each other? Yes. Oh. I guess I should have intuited that from the familiar, you were referencing

the beard before. Does everybody here know each other but me? Yes. I feel like. Well, we know you now. Fast friends. Yeah. But yeah, we all do know each other. And? Yes. I feel like... We know you now. Fast friends. Yeah. But yeah, we all do know each other. And you lived in the Pacific Northwest

for a time. Hell yeah. And to me, that's family. Seriously. Yeah. And you know, South Dakotans, we like everybody. Sure. Everyone. Right into the fold. Right in here. Jace, you're from New York, right? That's correct. A famously affable people. Very, very friendly people. They're just very busy. Very busy. And you know...

Eventually, that's been the case. I think, like, they are friendly but busy. That's really what it is. The rudeness is just kind of they have somewhere to go in the train. Well, they just stay in your lane. Like, don't, you know, don't be a bonehead and just handle your business. That's all it is. My dad is from Brooklyn, Coney Island. And he's a kind person.

But there's no time. Yeah, just move in. He's a very to the point person. There's no dancing around whatsoever. It's just like, that haircut looks like shit. And it's like, all right, that's a form of love, though. Maybe it does. I don't want to have a couple drinks and let you know.

I'm going to let you know now that haircut looks like shit. Because I've got to make this train. Sean, what have you got coming up? Nothing much. You know, Portland. Go to the second show in Portland. March 8th, we've added a 6 o'clock show, the Happy Hour Show at Revolution Hall. Yeah, we want everyone in Portland

to have seen us over that weekend. We're pert near close. Had to add another show. The 500 for the podcast, so we're already at 1,300. Pretty cool. What's it feel like to sell out a show? It's wild.

It's a relief more than anything. Yeah. Because then you don't have to worry about selling more tickets. When you know you can show up and it's going to be, because that's the thing, you know? Right. You wonder, like, are people going about selling more tickets. When you know you can show up and it's going to be, because that's the thing, you know?

Right. You wonder like, are people going to fucking be there? And then when you know they are, you're like, tight, I can focus on other stuff. What's the least amount of people

you've had at a show? Cool. Relative to space. Three, you know, like three probably. We used to, yeah.

We used to do shows at this place called the Baghdad Theater in Portland, Oregon, which is now, they've turned into a first run movie theater, but they used to show old movies

and... Probably 600 seats? You stand up 600 seats, and then we'd do the show Fridays at 10, and sometimes there'd be a couple hundred people there, and it was really fun, and sometimes there'd be 13 people there, but they'd sit, because it's this huge theater. They didn't have anyone telling where to sit. Deep in the back, so

you would tell this joke out to, like, nobody, like, it was like this David Lynchian nightmare and then you would hear like ah like from so far away. I always had fun. My whole so

I saw Atmosphere Brother Ali and Idea when I was like 15 and they were in an attic in Vermillion, South Dakota the attic of a bar

and there were about six of us there and they did the same show because I saw them so many times they did the same show for six of us that I saw him do for like 10,000 people. So I've always thought like, if people are there, it doesn't matter how many are there. They're there. They want to be there. They should get, maybe in standups, you got to be a little personal if there's like three people. Yeah. 13 people in a small room for 13 people is wonderful. 13 people in a giant, and you can't sit next to each other because that's weird.

You can't walk in and just sit. Even sitting behind them would feel a little weird. Super weird. You want as much distance as possible. That would be crazy. The front row is 13 people. There's like 700 seats empty. It is an archipelago of audience.

Yeah. But there's this weird thing. Some stand-ups do that I hate when there's like 13 people in a 200-person room or whatever, and they'll be mad at those 13 people for the 187 that didn't show up. It's like, chill out. That's unfortunate. Be grateful. Sean is not one of those guys.

Yeah, no, I'm a pretty happy camper. Happy camper. I try. All the time. I try. You're a proudly boobler. You're a happy camper. Got cheated on once.

I wasn't happy then. Wow. Thank you. Be weird I wasn't happy then. Wow. Thank you. Be weird if I was happy then. Classic. Wow. But yeah. Anyway, I took it and I had to bring it down a little bit.

Nicole? Do you want to put it out there or no? Oh, it's out there. She knows. You think she knows? I hope she knows that she cheated on me. She's the one that did it. That she was in this?

I wasn't surprised this was like 15 years ago I didn't know she was in a relationship we it's like a running joke on the show but like so I got a

I got a DM from her on the gram one time and she's like I heard you have this podcast it's going really well and da da da and I was like somebody listened

and told you that we that had to have happened somebody was like hey Sean talk shit about you we don't talk shit about you. We don't talk shit about her. It's just more of a joke than anything.

But I think that's what happened. But yeah, anyway, I don't know. Odd that I brought that up. I was just kidding. How long had it been since the last time she had contacted you? Like a week before she got married. So like eight years or something. I'll tell you this. So she, I found out she was got engaged on Facebook and she called me

the next day cause she didn't want me to find out on Facebook. So I, but I had already known. So she called me and I'm in my mom's basement. I was back on visiting and I'm just on the phone, scream, crying, like what is supposed to be me? And then, and I was like, all right, I'm going to go back to sleep a little bit. So I went back to sleep. So I'm not going to be sleeping for a while. They go to sleep. And then I wake up and the dog was peeing on to sleep a little bit. So I went back to sleep. He says, I'm not going to be sleeping for a while. I go to sleep, and then I wake up, and the dog was peeing on the pillow next to me. So I was like, is that kind of weak now? Assertive.

Wow. I do like the idea of finding out if people listen to your podcast by just mentioning them offhand. That is a good way to do it. To see if you get a little random shot. Wesley Snipes. Hey, Wesley. What's up, Wesley? Sean Malto. There you go. Kansas City area skateboarder. Look, can. What's up, Wesley? Sean Malto.

There you go. Kansas City area skateboarder. Look at this. I got you. We've been friends a long time. I love you. Hell yeah. I love you.

Yeah, so nothing to prove up but Sean Malto. Fuck with Sean Malto. Listen to all fantasy and everything. Who cheated on you? Jason. No, I'm kidding. I was asking Jason who cheated on him. Say what? Oh, yes, ma'am.

We can get to you. I'm blind as a bet. Jason Concepcion. Hi. In the studio at Network on Twitter. Yes. That's with a three. That's with a three.

In the second E. Right. It was my Xbox Live gamer tag for many years. Is it not anymore? It is. It still is. I just haven't logged into Xbox Live in a while. And it remains.

NBA desktop. That's right. What is even the right word? Grandoyan? I don't know what that means, but it sounds right. Wow, Grandoyan. The fuck does that mean? I've never heard that word in my life. Are you host it? You produce it? I host it.

And I host it. And help produce it. And help produce it. And we have a whole team that do a great job. Jason, Mose, and Dylan. It is truly wonderful. Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. You know, we work very hard on it. And it shows. Thank you so much. I've also been

cheated on. I love this. Let's let it all out. I think I have. No, I know I haven't. Here's a fun thing. Was it Nicole? No, it hasn't been Nicole. She cheated on me with you? I've never been with Nicole. I have a friend who I was close friends with in the early 2000s who I still keep in contact with. And our sole basis for our relationship is he texts me about the Yankees because he thinks I'm a Yankees fan, but I'm not.

And so at some point in our relationship when we were initially friends he got the idea that i was a yankees fan and i'm not really sure how it happened and it was like when i realized it it was just too late to be like i'm not we'd known each other too long it was too weird so i just kind of let it ride and we drifted apart and it's just never he texts me every fall like oh man like uh you know jo Joe Girardi. Yeah. What are you doing? Bullpen's looking kind of weak.

Looking kind of weak. And luckily I work at a sports website where I can, you know, plumb the intellect of some of the finest baseball minds that are available to people. So I'm literally the smartest Yankees fan that has no idea like what's going on with the Yankees. Right. Like, and he doesn't know about it. I've mentioned this on numerous podcasts. He doesn't know.

So you've been running the charade on this guy. Tim. Charade? I like charade. This is charade. Wait, did you cheat on him? I did not cheat on Tim. Tim, I think you could.

This is a little too deep, but I think we could say that Tim cheated on me, so to speak, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, he just has no idea. I have mentioned this on numerous podcasts. Maybe he listens to the AMV. We'll find out.

That'd be great. Let's find out, Tim. The modus operandi. I'm not a Yankees fan, but I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to bring it up. You look like you feel bad about it, which is endearing.

He texted me not that long ago. You look like a fucking million bucks is what you look like. You do look like a million bucks. what you look like. You do? Shoes are great. That camel skin coat you wore was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. I know I told you the answer.

I wanted to get it on wax. I like the facial hair configuration you're going with. Thank you very much. You look good, Bobby. Thank you, baby. Classic white tee. Also host of the Binge Mode podcast. That's right.

Co-hosting with Mallory Rubin. Getting towards the end of Harry Potter right now. We're getting there, man. Right now, the next episode we're going to drop has to do with the Battle of Hogwarts, the big battle. Harry Potter, a popular children's book series, correct? Well, now, see, I think that's... Are you besmirching it?

Are you besmirching the... It's a popular fantasy. I can't look at you. You're smarter than I am. I can tell. I just got freaked out. I got to look down. It's a popular... Jason, I don't want you. You're smarter than I am. I can tell. I just got freaked out. I gotta look down. It's a popular...

Jason, I don't want to watch it or read it. How does it end? Harry Potter? Yeah, I just... It's so complicated to get. Just sum it all up in one sentence for those of us who don't want to... Harry kills Voldemort

because of Dumbledore's plan that he'd been laying out basically for the whole books, which involved... Voldemort's that no-nos having Rudy Giuliani looking motherfucker? The Rudy Giuliani guy,

right? He was originally in charge of cyber for the ministry, but then he- Wait, cyber like ASL? No, no, no, Ron. That was a Rudy,

that was a deep Rudy Giuliani joke. Chief of Cyber Security. Chief of Cyber. People who haven't watched Harry Potter but want to are going to be so mad

at this segment. They're pissed. No, they're not. I can't believe you spoiled Harry Potter for millions. Guys, it's been 18 Potter, but want to, are going to be so mad at this segment. They're pissed. No, they're not. I can't believe you spoiled Harry Potter. Guys, it's been 18 years. Millions. People who watched it are going to be pissed. Or millions of listeners.

Harry wins is not a big spoiler. Wesley Snipes, so angry right now. Wesley's pissed. He's doing Jeet Kune Do in an empty gym. Just so mad. Great Twitter personality. Wesley? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, super good. Yeah, what else you got coming up? Where else can people... You know, that's basically, that's a lot. Yeah, yeah. Super good. What else you got coming up? Where else can people... You know, that's basically a lot. That is a lot. That is quite a bit. NBA Desktop Fridays on YouTube and Twitter, and then, you know,

Binge Mode whenever we can manage to get it out. I hope you guys bring back that. What about that About Last Night thing? What was it called on the ringer that you used to do for the NBA games? It was like, you would just write, there would be little recaps about the last night thing? What was it called on the ringer that you used to do for the NBA games? It was like you would just write. There would be little recaps about the last night's games. You don't do them anymore.

The shoot around. The shoot around. Yeah. We still kind of do them. We'll probably bring them back for the playoffs. Okay, cool. But we've kind of reconfigured the way we do that just because it's like, man, the NBA, there's just so much content.

It was the perfect. It was my little lunchtime thing at work. There's recently an NBA trade that fell apart because Oh yeah, that's nice! Because it was not clear to one of the teams involved which player with the last name Brooks

they were including in the trade. Amazing. It was either Marshawn, they thought it was Marshawn but it was actually Dylan. Dylan Brooks. It's incredible. Oregon Duck, Dylan Brooks? Maybe? I think so? but it was actually Dylan. Dylan Brooks. It's incredible. Oregon Duck, Dylan Brooks? Maybe. I think so. I think so. Now, you're Jewish, right?

100%. Bar Mitzvah. I was just checking. Just checking the water. Oh, yep. Oh, double trouble. Went to the Oregon Ducks. Do you know where he's from?

Super producer Marissa? Mississauga. Yeah. You know, she's married to Mr. Saga. All right, I'll just get out of here. You gotta stop. I'll just get right out of here. You gotta go.

Should I go? Jump out the window? What am I doing? Huh? I'm a prophet. No, I'm blind as a bat. All right. Hell yeah, dude.

Jason Costanzo. We're also joined by Mina Kimes. Woo! Yeah. Thank you. At Mina Kimes on Twitter. This is nuts. Senior writer for ESPN,

the magazine. Correct. ESPN the magazine. Correct. ESPN television personality at times. Sometimes. On occasion. Such a gif-able human being. Gif-able human being. I don't know about that.

Re-gif-able? Maybe. Is that a thing? Re-gif-ing? Sure. Memable? I would love to be memable. You're memable.

You think so? Yeah, you'd be memable. Meme-a-kind. I wish you were the first person to sayable. You're memeable. You think so? Yeah, you'd be memeable. Meme-a-kind. I wish you were the first person to say that. There's no way. You're dunking on two hoops at once over there. Who are you?

God, I invented the five-point play, dude. No, Dan Cortez invented the five-point play. Oh, man. The piece you wrote about Luka Doncic was one of my favorite things I read this year. It was really fun. Same here. It was so much. It read this year. It was really fun. Same here. It was so much. It was really good. It was really great.

Do you take any responsibility for his draft stock falling because you included that part about the nachos in there? I have never revealed this, but actually, so I did go to... I am already regretting this. Better than Harry Potter. You're getting some NBA juice on this podcast so I wrote a story

about this Slovenian basketball player who is thick for a basketball player he's a thick man he's lost weight I will say that

he's lost weight and added tattoos bad tattoos he's a chunky hunk he's lovely lovely guy so in the piece I mentioned that

we went to his favorite restaurant the Hard Rock Cafe in Spain. And after he had already bought a bunch of Snickers bars for me, which I also mentioned in the piece, he ordered the famous fajitas and the nachos. And I put this in the piece. And this is what I think really, there's a part where he looks at the waitress and goes, doble queso, please.

So after this piece came out, somebody on a team did call me to ask about his eating habits. That's when the Kings were like Marvin Bagley. What are you doing, Marvin Bagley? Oh, that's so dope. Marvin Bagley's out here chugging bone broth. Yeah, come on. Doble queso. Meanwhile, Luka could be a chunky boy for his entire career and still be out there hustling.

He's still all right. He's impressionate. Having a great year. He looks great. What can people check out that you've been doing lately? What would you like to? I have my own podcast. Oh, yeah.

Yes. It was originally called Bootleg. And then it turned out some bros had a podcast called Bootleg. Damn bros. Yeah, I know. So now it's called. They came at a podcast and came out yeah i know so now it's called they came at you they came at me really no there were some reviews some oh yeah and actually they were getting a lot of accidental listeners i believe so they really hilarious and this turned on them because then i changed it to the mina khyme show featuring lenny and that's what's

called now and no one no one had that name previously. Shockingly, no. I'm trying to look at the bootleg. Okay, so they have an episode. They only have 17 episodes. Come on, guys. The Black Crows, Van Halen round four. 17 episodes

and they've already done four on Van Halen? You're making it sound so cool, though. Whoa. No, you're making it sound cooler than my podcast. Damn, they did

back-to-backs on the Allman Brothers. Oh, man. The Mina Kime Show. Yeah, Mina Kime Show. Shout out to Mina Kime Show. Don't listen to cooler than my podcast. Damn, they did back-to-backs on the Allman Brothers. Oh, man. The Mina Kime Show. Yeah, Mina Kime Show. Shout out to the Mina Kime Show. Don't listen to the bootleg podcast. Do not.

Don't listen to it. None of you. Noi. Neva. Not noi, not Eva. Not once. Is Lenny your dog? Lenny is my dog.

Yeah. And what kind of dog? I was going to say, Jason also has a pretty well-known dog. Oh, yeah. I feel like that, as I'm saying that, so we know each other on account of being Asians in sports media. But I feel like us both having dogs is so on the nose. Pablo Torre, who's the fourth one? Jake Hanks.

Oh, yeah, Jake Hanks. Jake Hanks, great. CJ from House of Highlights. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot at the Ringer. There's a lot at the Ringer. We're slowly assembling them. Too many Koreans, though. CJ just got engaged Highlights. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot at the Ringer. There's a lot at the Ringer. We're slowly assembling them.

Too many Koreans, though. CJ just got engaged. So we need to... Yeah, congratulations, CJ. We're trying to get the balance between Filipinos and Koreans at the Ringer correct. Yeah. Koreans are currently dominating. There's a lot of group chats that alert each other when any Asian-affiliated athlete does...

Like, when everyone figured out Kyler Murray was Korean, my phone was blowing up for 48 hours. Kyler Murray's Korean? Quarter Korean. I didn't know that. Huge day. Yes. Alonzo Trier. Alonzo Trier, baby.

Alonzo Trier, too? Oh, with the Jews. We've been having a bad run. But for, you know, every now and then, there's, like, a prominent Jew at athletics. Josh Rosen. We celebrate it. Josh Rosen.

He's going to be big. I hope so. Do you think he's going to be good? I think he will. I think he's going to have, like, a Jared Goff I think he's going to have like a Jared Goff type. Wow. I like that a lot. The Irish were into the fisticuffs back in the day.

Oh, there's plenty of Irish. Shaquille O'Neal, Tracy McGrady. Absolutely. Walter McCarty, dude. You don't get a little better. Shaquille Jordan. Yeah. Tracy McGrady.

Plenty of Irish in the big leagues, my friend. That would have taken me like an hour to think of. We, of course, have Willie Colleystein. Zach Levine. Zach Levine. Yeah, Tariq Cohen. Tariq Cohen, yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Sure. God, it breaks my heart. My dad will every now and then send me a name. I'm like, that person's definitely not a Jew. He definitely just read their name in the newspaper. Great. So listen to the Mina Kimes podcast featuring Lenny.

Thank you. Please. Yeah. Anything else to promote that you want to send people to? Social media and all that? We covered it. Oh, we did? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just at Mina Kimes. I'm on Around the Horn, if people watch that. Watch Around the Horn. Love Around the Horn. Man, fucking, I've been watching Around the Horn since like 2002, 2003 now. Really? Yeah. Like, they've become institutions.

That and, pardon the interruption, that little hour block. Man. It's wild. Around the Horn. Remember? It's been around so much longer than you think. I also like the new look of it. Do you? Yeah. That's good to. I also like the new look of it. Do you?

Yeah, I do like the new look. So I did not grow up watching ESPN before joining. I grew up watching sports. So all these shows, I wasn't aware of the history or how they work, quite frankly. Max Kellerman hosting it originally, right? Max Kellerman, yeah. Woody Page on his first life before he was resurrected for the second time. Woody Page.

He's gone through some phases. What's Woody Page up to these days? Is he still on Around the Horn? Yes. All right. Does he still write stuff on a little board behind him? A hundred percent. Wow.

Why give up on that gimmick? Yeah, what do you know? I just write shit on a little board behind him. Pretty dope. I'm on Around the Horn. Not a big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm out here living.

Go to this Polish restaurant. Later should be all good. Highly questionable sometimes too, right? Yes. That one's out of miami yeah so i'm in miami a lot we gotta get to miami what a what a what a gig i'm out of miami a lot what a fun thing to say to other people unbelievable flex just to be in a room i'm in miami a lot yeah for that i'm in miami a lot i think of it as like oh i have to go to miami a lot but as i'm saying that i just that sounds so cool it really does sound great, I have to go to Miami a lot. But as I'm saying that, I'll just get shut up. That sounds so cool. It really does sound great. I mean, I'd love to go, but I'll probably be in Miami.

I go there all the time. My grandma lives outside of Miami, which I know, Jew, in southern Florida. It's crazy. But I kind of feel the same way. I feel like, yeah, I'm like, are you going to go here again? The air's all heavy and the roads are 15 lanes wide and everybody's going 90 but like right up on it. It makes me very nervous being down there. Alligators just walking around all willy nilly. That part's not true.

Zika virus. Zika virus. White jeans. Yeah, white jeans. My friend Matt he moved to Miami. So he moved to Miami he's from South Dakota. He's a South Dakota boy. Moved to Miami lived there for like a year. Came to a wedding back in South Dakota. White fucking jeans with a tucked in black shirt I'm like dog pitbull can't

even do that and here you are he might be but undo a couple buttons you'll be all right but yeah I just I was a star like come on dude have you heard the new pitbull song no for Aquaman Aquaman's getting good reviews, dude. Dude, Momoa was just, I work on the Late Late Show with James Corden. Momoa was just in there, just walking around. He just walks around with no shoes on. He's a king. Looking fucking hot as hell.

I love it. He's so beautiful. Hairs down, just like casual vibes. Did you see him and his boys do the Haka at the Aquaman premiere? Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Wasn't it crazy? Man, it was awesome. I was intimidated.

Yeah, absolutely. I was hella intimidated. Watching it on a phone screen. Sean, you want to go on Monday? I have a plus one to a screening if you want to go.

To Aquaman? Yes, go. Let's talk about this after. We might be going to the Clipper game. Oh, we are going to Blazers. Yeah, we're going

to the Clipper game. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, though, so much, you sweetheart. Now, the Pitbull song. Back to that. It samples Africa by Toto. Yeah. Thank you though. So much. You sweetheart. Um, now the pit bull song back to that. It samples Africa by Toto,

which is it, but not the best Toto song, by the way, hold the line. Best Toto song. That's a Michael Boy opinion that

we've all adopted. Here's my issue with Africa. Go on. Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, Toto song Africa. I had this on my chest for a long time. Here's my issue

with Africa. I've never heard anyone say that. I've had this on my chest for a long time. Here's my issue with Africa. I've never heard anyone say that. I've had this on my chest for a long time. The couplet, the lyric couplet that ends with the Serengeti is so clunky. That doesn't, that's just,

it just doesn't work. They should have figured something out for that. I mean, I think they did. No, yeah. yeah no I don't listen I don't have any problems with Africa myself you know

not like you I just like how you said you got you've had this on your chest for a long time it just bothers me every time I hear it it does

now that you mention it yeah you can't break it up like that oh no on your chest I guess if you have to get something off your chest it's been sitting on your chest

I feel like I'm a psycho but that's hilarious to me like a leech I've had this on my get something off your chest, it's been sitting on your chest. I feel like I'm a psycho, but that's hilarious to me. Like a leech. I've had this on my chest for a long time. It's so funny to me. What is Ocean to Ocean about? It's the same thing any Pitbull song is about, which is like about him flying to different places

and partying. Mentirosa! Mentirosa! Okay, that song's about liars, but everything post-Mentirosa. So it's like going from one ocean to another ocean to party. He calls himself Mr. Worldwide, but still has love for the 305.

And the Seven Seas. And the Seven Seas. I should read Pitbull songs. That was so good. Yeah. Fuck. Here's this. So they tried to get rid of me.

Get nominated for a Grammy. But from ocean to ocean, they are going to have to deal with me. Me and me. Hell yeah. I've been overlooked, slept on, stepped on, left for dead. He's been famous for 20 years always against all eyes

like Pac said I'm the living great Gatsby but these boys will watch you quick and disappear like Banksy whoa

from ocean to ocean sea to sea I'm something you gotta see now I'll tell you this not Pitbull in the studio it's actually Jason really

yeah a lot of people probably listened and thought that was Pitbull Armando did they get Pitbull. Armando popped in. Hold on. Did they get Pitbull? Yeah.

I'm sorry. Did I leave my white backpack up here? My white denim backpack. Wesley Snipes, if you're listening that was not Pitbull. Sean Malto, don't fly out

here for that. You know, fly out here for a different reason. We're going to nollie flip together. I'm Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Google Maps.. Thank you. Thank you. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Google Maps. I feel like I've done that before. Where does that take you? Where does it take you? Right to the top, Eddie.

In this town. What do I got going on? Oh, come see me at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. One of the best pods in the country. On January 3rd, 4th, 5th. Emma Arnold is going to be there performing as well. It's going to be really fun. Hell yeah.

Come to Ian's Pizza with me. I'll make a couple jokes about how I own it. I don't, but I will. I promise you that. He's holding your idea up. I get free pizza, right? I get free pizza, right?

I'm Ian. Nobody else has done this tonight, right? It's going to be fun. None of the other college kids in here have done this, right? I'm very excited for that. I'm excited for that heated pool in the hotel. Man. All of it. God. So I'm very excited for that. I'm excited for that heated pool in the hotel.

Man. All of it. God. So I don't know if I was there with you this time. HR Teddy Wedgers? Yeah, go ahead. I went down to the hot tub

and so I don't like going to the hot tub when there's like a bunch of people in there. Right. So I walked in. Modesty. Walked right in.

I see a whole family sitting there and I was like, shit. And a girl looks at me and she's like, you're probably looking for the gym. And I go,

I am looking for the gym. And so she points it to me and so I went in there and I just sat down for like 10 minutes and I was like alright it's probably cool to leave

so I had a 10 minute workout and I just left and also I could've worked out while I was in there you really could why didn't you just get in the hot tub

what was the with the family yeah there was like kids like splashing and it wasn't a chill I went and took a bath is what I did

in the hotel that's better yeah you gotta wear some smoky aviators then you get the then you can sit anywhere you want you know what i mean yeah then then they're they're in your hot tub if you have smoking i'm allowing them to exist in my hot tub now and you're the youngest head comedy writer in late night history is that not the case that's true and. And I'm advocating for Smokey Aviators. I'm using my platform. That was my aim name,

Smokey Aviators. Why did you bring that up? Because it's just like I'm so proud of you. Oh, thank you so much. That's so much. That's really amazing. How did you know that?

Is that on his Wikipedia? I tweeted about it. Ian's been known to talk about it. Ian's been known to bring it up. Every time we talk, he tells me about it. Were we supposed to prepare by doing...

Make a little research on me. Yeah, I wouldn't mind it. I texted a mutual friend to ask if you were weird. Oh, yeah. Because I had met in real, you know, it's a woman thing. And I discovered your phone, your name, autocorrects to Ian Carnal. Carnal? K-A-R-N-A-L.

Oh, my God. Carnal. Is that not a common thing or was that just my phone? Well, when I used to open for ICP, I went by Ian Carnal. I was performing a blood splattered butcher's apron. You'd open up for Twisted as they opened up for ICP. It was me and my guitar player Buckethead, and we had a two-man operation going. Oh, yeah, I thought you used to have Monkey on there.

It was me and Monkey and Heady from Korn and Buckethead. Carnal with a K. Buckethead. It's really amazing. Like the damn Yankees of like dirty. Who's our mutual friend? Jenna. Oh, shout out to Jenna.

Oh, hell yeah. She does music for your show. Jenna Nolan works on the Late Late Show, James Corden as well. I love her. She's so great. So positive about you. Have you seen her Blake 182 fan art?

I don't. Whoa. Wow. Ask about it. Hell yeah. Ask about it. Whoa yeah. Ask about it. Whoa! Yeah.

That she made. She made. Because she loves Blank. In middle school, I think? Yeah. Not recently. But loves Blank. Still loves Blank.

Well, now you like Blank, too, don't you? I love Blank. Who doesn't like Blank? I'm saying, trust me. He likes Blank. Yeah. Everybody likes Blank. Blank.

Marissa Blank? Blank. Do you guys keep up with Tom DeLonge's UFO work? Oh, yeah. He just sold a show based on his graphic novel about UFOs. Man, a graphic novel. Yeah. Oh, whatever you want to call it.

Comic book. Guess I'm going to read a book finally. I guess so. Dirt by Motley Crue and then this. Tried to keep it in a gentleman's one book. Yeah. Oh, the other thing come. I think we already pimped it out.

God. Fuck. I'm going to start wearing cornrows. You know, I had braids when I was a kid. I was doing an exhibit reference. Yeah, I had braids for like a week. Reference. Did you go to the Bahamas and come back? No, I skateboarded.

Wait, who did it for you? You had a hand attack. My friend Gary's sister, Denisha. Such a great white girl move. Nice. Yeah. How long did it take? Like an hour.

It wasn't crazy. I had him for like a week and then that was it. Is it back when you were in the Crips? Sean joined the Crips in South Dakota. As one does. Yeah. Not a lot to do around there.

Come to Revolution Hall. We've added a second show March 8th, 6 o'clock. Just come see that. Please do. Buy tickets. Please, please, please. Please sell it out so Sean, David, and I don't have to sit there stressing out about it.

Although I don't think we will. I mean, people have showed out enough. Well, yeah. So we are gathered here today to draft a fictional television family. I know. I'm nervous again. We're taking characters from different shows that have been on TV, drafting ourselves a little family from it.

I think it's going to be a lot of fun. The way we determine the order, what if I didn't? I think it's going to suck, personally, but we're going to do it anyway. We got to put one out every week. All right, folks? I'm honestly, let me just stop traffic real quick. Go on. I'm having a really good time right now. Oh, me too.

I'm in a very good mood. This is super cool. Thank you so much for doing it. This is just awesome. Yeah, this is fucking fun. It really is. Beautiful day outside. Yeah, it was gorgeous. December fucking whatever day it is, right? December to remember. Beautiful day outside. Yeah, it was gorgeous. Hell yeah. December fucking whatever day it is, right? December who cares? December 15th?

December to remember. Toyotathon. Yeah. Shout out to Thons. Shout out to Thon Maker, Thon Maker. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Played by the three of you. We throw on shoot.

So here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Jason wins. Because you both had scissors, but he had the outline. So here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, Jason wins! Because you both had scissors, but he had the hat on. So the odd one out wins. Oh, wow. So I get to go first. You get to determine the order of the draft. So if you want to go first, you can go first.

Let's start here, and then we'll go around the room. Okay, so it goes Mina, Ian, Sean, Jason. Alright, so Mina with the first pick. Well, it's a serpentine draft. Sorry about that. I meant to say, if you're wondering what that is. It is a serpentine draft.

Let's say that- Did you just look up serpentine draft? Is that what you're doing? I did that 100 episodes ago. Do you explain it every time? He sure does. I try. So let's just say that a friend of the podcast, Emma Arnold, made some chili.

Okay. And let's say there were some biscuits that she also made. So you take a bite of the chili and you're like, damn, that's pretty good chili. And then you look at the biscuit and then you dip the biscuit in the chili. You take a bite and you're like, that was almost better with the biscuit. Wow. But I think I want another bite of the regular chili. But before you take another bite of the regular chili, you dip the biscuit back in for round

two. You're like, I'm going to try the regular chili again without the biscuit. So then you take a bite of the chili and you're like, it's good both ways. So before you without the biscuit. So then you take a bite of the chili and you're like, it's good both ways. So before you go back to the biscuit, you take another bite of the chili without the biscuit and then you go back to the biscuit. You know, kind of so on.

You pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. Another way of saying it. There's two ways to explain it. I mean, if you want to, you know. Classic double bit. Emma Arnold is a fellow comedian. Also my girlfriend.

She was here last week. She made this amazing chili. God, it was good. With honey in it? And I'm picky. And it was good. She brought it to the draft? No, she made it. She was here last week. She made this amazing chili. God, it was good. Did you get honey in it? And I'm picky, and it was good. She brought it to the draft? No, she made it. She made it.

The house? Oh. It was so good. Wow. I mean, it was good for like a week, too. You guys were talking a lot of pies on the last episode. Yeah, a lot of pie content. Yeah, it's tons of pie content.

We didn't end up making any pies, but I did buy some scone mix. We're going to make some scones tomorrow. You guys want to come over to the crib? You live right down the street. I'm did buy some scone mix. We're going to make some scones tomorrow. You guys want to come over to the crib? You live right down the street. I'm going to get a haircut tomorrow and then I'm going to have some scones.

I don't know. Well, we'll find out. Now we very quietly. I was trying to think of a scone pun. I couldn't do it. Mina, you have the first pick in the draft.

So, you know, we're going to find out. Should we talk about like what is this? It's a family. Like I can draft anyone and say like that's the mom. So, you know, we're going to find out. Wait, should we talk about like what? Are there any rules? What is this? It's a family. Like I can draft anyone and say like that's the mom.

Yes. They just have to. It doesn't have to be any sort of traditional family. They can be, any configuration you want. So four dads. Four dads.

Reality TV, animated. Animated. So pretty much reality. Anyone who's been on a TV, like been on a TV show, they can be whatever part of the family you want them to be

Yeah Well I don't know I'm asking like they're a daughter on some show But I want them for mom Or you know whatever Sure yeah I was thinking inside the bun at home When we were doing this

Oh no you gotta think outside the bun You gotta think outside the bun I've been told I've been told You gotta live moss while you're at it Just make sure you do those two things Taco Bell sponsor us Holy crap

Please God we eat there so much Please sponsor us So we're gonna get. God, we eat there so much. Please sponsor us. So we're going to get to our first break right after this short break. And we're back. All right. Mina Kimes, you are now on the clock for the Drafted Television Family.

Wow. I really freestyled on that word, television. Drafted Television Family, all fantasy, everything. Go ahead. Is there a clock? There is. In my head? Go.

It's just me playing that Pitbull version of the clock. It's going to be about two hours later by the time we're done. Motion to motion. C to C. Sorry. No, no. Do you remember it? It was great.

I just remembered he rhymed C with C. With C. Like, someday you'll see me in the C. Incredible stuff. And when you were saying that, my brain was like, well, that's not right. Those are the same words. We're talking about Pitbull again? I just really lost the script. Looking like an elbow in a Versace suit.

We can just go into our Pitbull podcast. A lot of pressure. Feels like a pretty obvious choice. Lisa Simpson, Daughter. Yeah. Oh, wow. Right? I have that for sure.

Number one draft pick for everyone. Actually, I was thinking about it on the way here in my Uber. TV Daughters is a really weak category. It is. It is. Because they're usually the worst. Very weak.

Due to the patriarchy or something. They're usually really annoying on TV shows. Yeah, for sure. They make them like the annoying little serious

stereotypes. Yes, like the 24 daughter, the Homeland daughter, any action show daughter. Yeah. But Lisa Simpson is an icon. God, the 24 daughter

they really did a lot of I've asked this before how many people do you think would have to die in real life oh wait it's a different show

nevermind you're thinking of I'm thinking of a designated survivor how many people do you think would have to die in real life

before Kiefer Sutherland was president for real wait the person the person actual Kiefer Sutherland 500,000

that's way higher it's definitely higher than that it's like 9, 10 million 500,000? The person? Actual him, the human. Actual Kiefer Sutherland. 500,000? That's way higher. It's definitely higher than that. It's so much higher than 500,000. It's like 9, 10 million. I don't know if he, he probably didn't go to college. He's an alcoholic. It's a lot higher than 9 million even, I think. But he has experience?

You guys are underrating him. You know, he's confident. He's been in front of people. He's already called a- I just feel like he hasn't even been in civic government. Like maybe if he was like a class president in high school. Sure. Then you'd put him into like, if 20 million people died, you'd be like, okay, Kiefer,

like... You're forgetting that he's white and male. That's true. Kiefer Sutherland sounds like a 19th century president name. He already has those three things working in his favor. He would be president before anyone in this room. There's a lot of name recognition value, which is important these days. Keeper Southern.

Anyway, Lisa Simpson. Sorry, we got- Well, okay. It feels a little on the nose because it's like picking yourself in the first round. It's all going to be on the nose. A little bit. Yeah, of course. She was kind of woke before woke was a word people used.

Truly inspirational. I can't really think of a single better, I was really trying to, like who could possibly, not saying any of you are picking any of these people, but like who's a superior TV daughter? I can't think,

I mean we'll have to, I guarantee you it is the first TV daughter on all of this. She was my first pick that I had written down. That's why I was gonna, because I was, same thing,

I was like it's unfortunately slim pickings for daughters so I definitely am bummed that Lisa got snagged She might be kind of annoying in 2018 like I feel like she's the kind of person

who tweets at New York Times headlines and is like this is a both sides headline tries to get social media people fired you know Yeah yeah

she's like tweeting with the Krasensteins or whatever Doesn't eat gluten even though she doesn't have celiacs but she's still so great. So great.

Plays the saxophone. Right, exactly. She's a musician. Got the respect of Bleeding Gums Murphy. Paul and Linda McCartney, like a friend of them, was pushing veganism before anyone else was talking about it. Yeah, Lisa Simpson was tight. It was nice to see. Play, Lisa Simpson was tight. No, that's fantastic.

It was nice to see. Plays an instrument? Get the fuck. I mean, that's big. I mean, that's big. But just to see that kind of character on TV, too. Like, my little sister is like a Lisa Simpson type. And when I think about who else,

she's got two masters and is getting her doctorate now. Yeah, Elisa Simpson. Elisa Carmel. Yeah, Elisa Simpson. And there weren't any TV characters like that, except for Aliza Simpson, which is tight. I don't think my older sister's been like, not that the listeners or anyone here knows her.

You know her a little bit. I do. Yeah, there's such a narrow range of women characters portrayed, especially in family sitcom or just family drama style shows. I just looked at my list and I haven't, I got one. I'm pretty stoked.

Oh, you got one? I got one. I got one. I don't want to make a joke. But yeah, Lisa, of course. I mean, that was probably the first one that I thought of when we landed on this topic was like, I want to lock that down. Natural pick.

And now I don't get it and I'm pissed. Remember all that stuff I was saying about how fun this is? Not fun anymore. He's mad now. I thought this was competitive. I did not think this was supposed to be fun. People rip on me because I make picks that sometimes aren't true to me, but I do it for the competitive nature and I get made fun of a lot for it.

So I like the competitive part of it. It feels true to me. Yeah. No, it's a fantastic pick. Lisa Simpson for sure. What are you typing? So curious. I know.

You're really stressing me out. I'm really stressing out. I'm saying another line in my manifesto. I was going to say he just sits up here and works on his manifesto. I had a work email I had to respond to right away. But now I'm fully engaged again. Oh, no way. It's hard being, and I don't know if you guys knew this, the youngest head writer in network late night history.

Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. So proud of you. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you. I night history. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. So proud of you. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you. I mean that. Yeah.

I mean, it's, you know, working at a call center is hard too, but yeah. All right. Right place, right time. It's time for my first pick. And I'm going to take, I'm going to take a dad. Okay. And I'm going to take, I mean, my own, my own father is a, an attorney at law. And I'm going to take someone who's also in the legal field, father is an attorney at law.

I'm going to take someone who's also in the legal field, but not an attorney anymore. I'm taking Uncle Phil to be my dad. That's a good one. That's a great one. Philip X. Damn, man. Great guy.

All you need to know is why he ain't want me no more. Yes, one of the greatest, most emotional scenes. I just started thinking about it, and then I well up. It's so, so good. I'm up. It's so, so good. I'm serious. Man, it's so good. And just that fucking moment at TV is fantastic. I mean, that's the moment we knew Will Smith was going to be a movie star. Right.

You know. But it's good. What I like about Uncle Phil, the character, is like, he has fun every now and then. When him and Aunt Viv, every now and then, like when they're going to go out to a concert, or they think they have the house to themselves and they're still fun and in love with each other, dance with each other. But can also, like what you need

in an authority figure, he'll be real with you too. Yeah. He'll tell you like it is. That's where your dad comes into play because your dad does the same shit. They'll let you know. This episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

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They'll let you know. And you don't, you don't need someone to sugarcoat it all the time. You need someone to tell you what time it is. Right. Exactly. They can be loving, but like, I mean,

being like stern with someone can be a form of love as well. Yeah. Of course. Clearly really loves will. And it's yeah. And then that episode is like the greatest example of it. Just also, it'd be fun.

My, my own dad is like five, eight tiny little Jewish guy. So it'd be fun to have somebody around where I can like, you know, sort of like pat him around too. Because I don't know if the listeners know this. I'm eight feet tall. Eight feet tall. 900 pounds.

My bones are made of adamantium. You're a character in Street Fighter. The heat coming off of him, off his body is incredible. It's like a furnace. It's very hard to beat. Ian Carnell. Yeah. If a Cornish game hen walks by me, it will become a cooked Cornish game hen.

Ian Carnell. It's the first line on my Wikipedia. From Beaverton, Oregon. What do you think that family's net worth was? It's hard to say because he was a judge. Yeah. They lived in Bel Air. Bel Air is fucking crazy.

Bel Air. They were loaded. They were loaded. You saw the way Hillary spent her money. Seriously. True. Out there. Another terrible TV daughter, by the way. Yes. Out there. Another terrible TV daughter,

by the way. Yes. Telling you. She put it together towards the end of the run. She did. They started to realize that, I think. But,

but, but. To not name other names, but I do notice how they, in the show, like, maybe the son is like the one who's got it all together

and he's got it all figured out and then the daughter's like, I just want to go shopping and I'm going to be a news anchor. Not that that's great. At least both the older kids in the Fresh who's got it all together and he's got it all figured out and then the daughter's like, I just want to go shopping and I'm going to be a news anchor. Not that that's great. At least both the older kids in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air were dingbats, you know?

Yeah. Because I don't know if anyone's going to take Carlton or whatever. There, I just said it. He was his own kind of... You're there, I said it's out there. He was his own little, you know,

fucking ball of yarn there. So then like neither one of them and then... But doesn't that speak poorly to Phil as a father? Oh, yeah. I kind of don't. So then like neither one of them. And then at all. But doesn't that speak poorly to Phil as a father? Oh, I kind of don't. But he took Will in

and he's raising Will. I mean, you know, he's doing his part. You can only do so much with rich kids, you know? That's the thing.

Especially in Los Angeles. At least Carlton was a good student. He was. He was studious. You know how long it took me to realize that Will was wearing his jacket inside out in that show?

Really? I was like, why has he got a different jacket for years? They covered it in the episode. It was inside out the whole time? Wow. The floral print. I know. No idea. Oh, wait. Yeah, that makes sense. It's the lining of it.

Took me years of watching that to be like, fuck, look at this guy. Pretty fucking tight, right? Oh, what's that? A roll snap. I'm gonna break it. That's why they make them, so you can break them. Yeah, so take an Uncle Phil as the dad. Big, bald motherfucker. You know?

With a beard and a great voice. That voice, that'll strike fear. You're not going to jail twice. Nah. You know? If you're one of the kids. No, the cops bring me home one time. Busting a bit of pool hall that one time.

Yeah. Not going back. I love him. Yeah, he's dope. Sean Jordan, tell me your first pick. First pick, I'm picking my family daughter.

It's going to be Arya Stark. Oh, damn. Yeah, because it was going to be Lisa and I had to look

at my list. I'm like, oh, cool, I got a good one. You got one? Yeah. Arya's,

everybody watch Game of Thrones? Yeah, I've seen a couple. Arya's. Yeah, Jason's familiar with it. You're familiar with it.

I've seen it a little bit. She's just, she knows what's up she's got a great head on her shoulders pretty much had to raise herself which is crazy after a certain amount of time and

she yeah she just she's just dope fierce she'll cut she'll cut you up put you in a pie a little annoying

in the last season a little bit but I don't blame her because she's been through so much. She's been through some shit. She's wayward right now, you know? Wayward. Good with a knife. Real good with a knife.

What's your sword's name? Pin? Needle. Needle. Yeah, needle. I like pin though. Pin is it. She's not some freak off the streets.

It's pin. She can handle a steel if you know what I mean. She earns her keep. Earns her keep. Starks. Also search fish. All right, there you go what I mean She earns her keep Starks Also she sold fish I was searching She also she can fish I mean she sold fish she sold seafood on the streets

She's just a fucking badass What was that music that you just did Oh that was a regulator I was actually Michael McDonald I can't forget we're not in love anymore You heard the mashup with that and Regulators it's so good

it's great sounds good everybody stop what you're doing listen to it so already a Stark that's good it's a good one yeah I had to

get a fucking daughter well I mean Sans is horrible so another she's more the prototypical the Hilary Banks of the Stark family that's a bad take

you don't like it's a bad take I disagree with I disagree with me on that one, but that's fine. She was. Sansa's good. She was. Now. She had a rough take.

Yes, but I mean, she, you know, she was a rich kid and then she like, that's why, you know, she had a great character arc and now she's a, she's a powerful leader. Who would you take over between the two then? Oh, I can't choose between the two. I love them both like my own blood. It's like asking to pick actual kids. Yeah, how could I do that? I couldn't do it.

Unfortunately, I feel like every parent could pick it. It's a real son's choice. Sophie's choice. There it is. This is close. What game of jokes? Sophie, look, it's Saturday afternoon. I'm making a Sophie's choice joke.

Game of jokes over here. Game of jokes. That's my third actual joke that I've had today. You're getting them in. You're putting on numbers. Yeah, Arya Stark. Arya Stark. Love it.

All right, great. That's your daughter, Arya Stark. Jason, it's time for your first and second picks. I guess I'm going to have to... I'm going to double up with... Well, first I'm going to do this. Okay.

First I'm going to talk about Stark. I feel like Sean has forced my hand. I'm going to pick daenerys targaryen as as my mother okay okay she's the mother of dragons yeah she uh hasn't yet birthed an actual child but she calls herself as part of her title the mother of dragons she has boy she's got a long title in some of those too they just rip off every off every single thing. I mean, you know, what a flex. When you've got that title, you've got to flaunt it. You know, my strategy for assembling a family in 2018, soon to be 2019, is we need a family for today that's capable of dismantling the power structures that exist.

I'm looking for systemic change in my family. So I want someone who can mount a dragon and just be like, that's it. Fuck all the shit that's happening. You think Daenerys Targaryen is Antifa? Is that what you're saying right now? She's hardcore Antifa. All right, cool, yeah.

Like extremely Antifa. Like Richard Spencer, instead of getting punched when he's talking about Pepe, would actually just get burned. Set on fire. And then he would just be ashes. I love it. It'd be great.

And then so that's what I'm going for. So I'm going to go with Daenerys first. That's my number one pick. My second pick, I'm going to have two moms, is Elizabeth Jennings from the Americans. So the KGB spy from the Americans, because I feel like we need someone who understands how to dismantle governments from the inside. I heard such good things about the Americans. It's great. Yeah.

I've never seen the show, but I've heard. She's incredible with wigs and poisons. I mean, that's clutch. Yeah. That's in your vows. So many wigs. And she's incredible with martial arts. You can just really absolutely snap a person's neck. Also, a very

great, a good mom. Really loving mom. Do you think that they would get along, though? Because it's a two-mom household. I think they'd figure it out. There's a lot of strong personalities, but we need boldness right now. Do you think when they get into an argument, you know, Daenerys is just like, oh, oh, you're going to bring the dragons out again.

You're not listening to any, you're not listening to a word I say. Well, I think you'd stable them. You'd stable them far enough from the house that they wouldn't burn down the neighborhood. Okay. Yeah. So it'd be like, oh, I got to, what are you going to do? Go get them. Yeah.

Or call them. But I think, I think they'd be able to work it out. I think Elizabeth is a good bureaucrat, a good politician. She understands power politics in a way that not many people do. And I want her, especially with how Russia's back in it right now. It is. Russia's back in it. And I think we need her knowledge right now.

We need her knowledge. And Daenerys already took over the North. That's right. So I love that I took Lisa Simpson, you took Arya Stark, and he outwoked us. I did. He did. Now I feel like I have to take him off.

I was going to be a normie and take a dad next. I know, I'm on the clock. What if I undermine him by drafting the dragons as my pet, thus robbing his mom? Whoa! I'm just throwing it out there. Handcuff him! What if... Handcuff him! I mean, throwing it out there. I'm not doing anything. What if, now what if,

I mean, you forget that you got three more picks before you're a boy. What if since a competitive age you're the whole thing? Sean might take the dragons. I'm not gonna, I'm not a dickhead. Wow. It is a little warm in it.

It's not just the heat coming off a carnal over there. Nine feet tall. Unbelievable heat, by the way. 800 pounds. Did you do carnal? Are we sticking with carnal? Yeah.

Carnes. It's gonna, yeah. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do the carns. Richard Carnes over here. I'm gonna learn how to stitch. Carnal pleasures. Carnal? Carn's. It's going to, yeah. I'm going to. Richard Carn's over here. I'm going to learn how to stitch. Carnal Pleasures. Carnal Pleasures.

I'm going to learn how to stitch. That would be an amazing podcast name. Carnal Pleasures. Yeah, like a foodie podcast. All right. But your name's not Carnal, so nobody would get it. Oh, yeah, that's true. I have to explain that my name autocorrects to Carnal.

Just explain it every time. Get Sean just to explain it every time. There's this whole backstory to the pun. Well, it's like if you got a bowl of chili and there's a biscuit. There you go. It's Carnal. Just explain it every time. Get Sean just to explain it every time. There's this whole backstory to the pun. Well, it's like if you got a bowl of chili and there's a biscuit. Oh, Carnal. You're bringing it back in.

Carnal pleasures indeed. Elizabeth Jennings from The Americans. I haven't seen The Americans. It's a good show. I'm saying. It's really, really good. It's one of those

that seems like, how many seasons is it? It's four, I think. That's not too bad. Is it? Is it what? I was going to say it's a streaming

and then I was like, nobody gives a fuck. It's streaming somewhere. I believe it's streaming from Amazon. That's not too bad. Is it? Is it what? I was going to say, is it streaming? And then I was like, nobody gives a fuck. It's streaming somewhere. Like, I believe it's streaming from Amazon. It might be Hulu. It might be Netflix. Just give me your cable password. Or just give it to everybody.

It might be PlayStation View. I'll give you my password. Do you want it? It's on CISO. It's the one thing. It's CISO's back. It might be on Crapple. Sling.

Yeah. It might be on Sling. It's on that TV in the back of the cab in New York. I just stare at the Sling app and I'm like, something happened. Please. The taxi TV. I just stare at the Sling app and I'm like, something happened, please. The taxi TV. I'll say this. It's one of those shows that, I mean, I just happen to know a lot of TV critics.

It's one of those shows that all the TV critics that you're friends with will be like, are you watching the Americans? I'm like, I'm not caught up. And they just judge you like really. The Leftovers was like that, I felt like, too. I love that show. I haven't seen that either it's so good I'm not gonna draft

anyone for that show because literally no one watched it but it's an amazing show I'd love to see it but I'm too busy being the youngest head writer

yeah other than the youngest thing that part is true I wish I could watch more TV Sean Jordan tell me your second

pick oh crap alright it's like I didn't know that we were on a fucking like I didn't know what we were doing this is your first I wish I could watch more TV. Sean Jordan, tell me your second pick. Oh, crap. All right. It's like I didn't know that we were on a fucking... Like I didn't know what we were doing. This is your first time

on this podcast. Yes. All right, I'm going... I'm going to pick my son. Oh! A fucking ball of thunder over there. This is a big moment.

I love it. I'm going to pick my son and it's going to be Kevin Arnold. Oh! Yeah. The thirst for knowledge. He was always out there learning lessons. I feel like he's going to pick my son, and it's going to be Kevin Arnold. Oh. Yeah. The thirst for knowledge. He was always out there learning lessons. I feel like he's going to blossom into a fine adult.

That's wonderful. Yeah. And he was just a very charming, good boy. What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Give me your first second. Lend me your ears as I sing your song. There you go.

I know I just sang out of tune. Key. Key. Fuck. One little help from my friends. Please would you give me the, was it Master P version? You ever heard this, Vida? It is.

No, I have not. I'm about to use a word that I would never use. It's an unfortunate word. It's an unfortunate word. I would never use it in real life, but it is a rapper saying it. Oh, boy. It's not the worst word. It's not the worst. That's not what you think.

What would you do if I popped your crew? Would you run like a bitch from me? People don't test because we come from the West, yes. The W-E-S to the T. It's a fucking real song. Can we get a Pitbull version? Dolly, what would you do if I sang out of tune? Ocean to ocean, Pitbull coming soon.

Sea to sea. Sea to sea. All right. Gasolina. I got gasolina. Really? Not okay. I don't think that...

Yeah, Kevin Arnold. Oh, yeah. Kevin Arnold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you guys get from Kevin Arnold to the... It was West Side Connection. Yeah. Kinnegan, Kinnegan.

Yeah. I just, you know, he's a good son, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Just a Kevin Arnold man. Thirsty for knowledge. Thirsty for knowledge. Sure.

Always learning lessons. I think about the adult that he'll become. You think he'd be a good kid? You think you could raise this child? Well, I'm not doing it. We haven't even picked the dad yet. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, hold on. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's true, yeah. Hold on. But he seems like a good head on his shoulders. Yeah. And that's what I'm... Child of the 60s. Yeah. And, you know,

Ari will help stick up for him if he needs it, which is nice. Wow, that's... Oh, yeah, she will. Yeah, yeah. She'll get his back, and he'll, like, if she gets too pissed,

which she's known to do, you know, he'll, like, try to ease that a little bit. Like, Hey, it's all right. You know, you're, you're, you're in our family, you know, like, I know that you watched your dad get executed, but like, it's okay. It's all right. You know, I don't remember any of his personality traits other than having a crush on Winnie and being friends with child Marilyn Manson. I have to say, I have the same experience.

He wasn't actually killed. It wasn't him. Everybody, you talk to Kelly Jordan, it's true. It's one of the great urban legends that there is. I'd like to continue perpetuating it. Kelly Jordan still thinks. Yeah, why not? Let's keep that going.

Who's that hurting? Yeah, it's him. That's for sure Marilyn Manson. You mean that guy with five ribs? Was he smart? I can't remember. He was just pretty vanilla. I mean, he just five ribs? Yeah. Was he like smart? I can't remember. He was pretty, just pretty vanilla. I mean, he just kind of blended in.

I just always, I just, I just think he's a good kid, you know, just a chip off the old block. Wonderful. As they say. So I, here's the thing about me. I was in this band once and we were opening for this other band. What was the name of the band? In the Bay Area.

What was the name of the band? Well, the band that we were opening for was called Super Booty and they were like a 70s disco band that played, I mean, they made a lot of money. They had like 14 people

in the band and they would play like weddings and corporate stuff and Fred Savage was at one of these gigs because he went to Stanford or something like that

and he was absolutely shit-faced. I think he's got, you know, this was a bad night. I don't want to besmirch Fred Savage. Yes, I remember that. And he was absolutely shit-faced. Hell yeah. I think he's got, you know, this was a bad night. I don't want to besmirch Fred Savage. I'm sure he's like a great guy now. Besmirched. I was shit-faced last night.

I'm a good guy. He was very drunk at this particular time and was like, man, get me backstage. I want to talk to the sax player. In Super Booty. In Super Booty. One of the sax players. They don't have to say it.

You wanted to have which sax player, Mr. Savage. So that's your son in 30 years. Wow. Getting hammered at funk concert. As I said, a chip off the old one. But also it's Stanford kid, so smart. Yeah, he made it. Not bad.

We, when Shane Torres did Conan, Fred Savage was in the next room. That was pretty cool. Got to see him hobnobbing out there. What does he do now? Is he still an actor? He directs. He directs.

Classic. I'm not going to say who is it mine because they might get picked. He's in it. I feel like he voices a car commercial too. I can't think of the company, but I feel like he's the voice of a car company. Fred Savage? Yeah. He directs TV shows now.

Yeah. I just like the way he said it. Oh, Fred Savage? It's also like a last name that I've never looked this up, but it feels fake. Fred Savage? Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. But it looked this up, but it feels fake. Fred Savage? I could see that. But it's not because his brother's Ben Savage.

Unbelievable. This was before Savage was jargon. It wasn't cool back then. Straight Savage. The only Savage in Poplar was Savage Garden. Savage Garden? Those young Australian gentlemen. I'll say this about Savage Garden. I was expecting a lot more hardcore jams from Savage Garden. Ooh, Savage Garden. Those young Australian gentlemen. I'll say this about Savage Garden. I was expecting a lot more hardcore

jams from the Savage Garden. Savage Garden had a I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your dreams, be everything that you need. Truly, madly, deeply. Yeah. Truly, madly, deeply do. Then they got that

Serengeti line that I just can't get over. Oh, that's dead. Serengeti. What was the chorus to that song, though? Yeah, I can't. That was. Because a new beginning, a reason for living, yeah. I want to find.

With you on a mountain top. Why'd you throw top in? Isn't that what I'm saying? Because I'm a fucking visionary. Dale. Dale. Gasolina. Kevin Arnold.

Hell yeah. Yeah, Kevin Arnold. Not to be confused with Kevin Arnovitz, who might not get picked in this. For sure. We call him Carnald. Great guy, yeah. Carn. We call him Carnald. The great guy. Yeah. Carnald.

Yeah. Ian Carnald. If me and the old lady just merge our last names. The Carnalds. It's another podcast. The Carnalds. It is. Hey, Carnald.

Wedding hashtag. Hey, Carnald. Oh, there it is. Oh, I just gave you one. Oh, hell yeah. Well, now we got to get married. The hashtag dictates it. Time for my

Second pick Sure I'm gonna take the mom I'm doing it I'm sorry I'm doing straight family I'm sorry Sean Sorry dude

I'm doing it alright I'm not saying All your shit's gonna be on the line Spectrum And any of these guys Could have experimented At this point But these two

Human beings Love each other In this All Fantasy Everything episode I'm pretty excited Tammy Taylor. Yay! It's going to be mine!

You fucking. Yay! One of the greatest moms ever on television. One of the greatest moms of all time. You knew I was going to pick Tammy Taylor. You had two picks. And you took fucking Kevin Arnold. I'll rip everything out of this room.

I'm doing push-ups. The listeners don't know that I'm doing push-ups right now. Taylor is the absolute best. Connie Britton is my, oh my gosh. She's everything. I saw her. I saw her. I was walking Lenny in Beachwood Canyon, and she was walking her dog, and I tried to get

my dog to go up to her dog. Oh, yeah. So I was trying to coax, which normally normally he does but he was not cooperating at all I was like he was starstruck too yeah he's like love you in Nashville I would

I watched Nashville because she was in it same here yeah it fell off a little bit towards the end we're like okay she's in Belize

for something but anyway I didn't get that far I got pretty far she's the fucking best seriously she really is the best she'll just tell him

what's up too I know I'm not we can't say who we're talking about but she'll tell the other person on the show what time it is she'll have a glass of wine'll just tell him what's up too. I know I'm not going to say who we're talking about, but she'll tell the other person on the show what time it is. She'll have a glass of wine. She'll tell him what's up. No, I'm getting the job at the school. I work here now.

I don't give a fuck what you think. All of a sudden, she's the athletic director. Right. Just because, like, make her the principal. An amazing mom too. And she's got such a good heart. She wants to help everyone. She's a counselor.

All right, exactly. Y'all, the only person to say y'all a hundred times in an episode and not annoy me. No. It's also seamlessly out of her mouth. So if you watch the movie, she's one of the few people

that transition from the movie to the show. But her hair is like mad because she's got like a perm in the movie because it's set in like the 80s. The movie is. And then you go to the show, it's contemporary and you're like, all right.

Perfect. Yeah. Love her. Tammy Taylor, man. Tammy Taylor. Oh, fucking criminy. I love Connie Britton, man. Perfect. Yeah. Love her. But yeah. Tammy Taylor, man. Tammy Taylor. Oh, fucking criminy. So great. I love Connie Britton, man.

She's incredible. She's good in everything. I think everybody loves her. I think everybody does. I think that's a real American sweetheart situation. If someone had like a hot take on Connie Britton,

I'd be like, well, I'm going to delete your number now. Absolutely. Just get out of here. Oh, I'm making a pie and pie face him. But like for real.

Not like a, not a euphemism pie face. Whole ass pie. Yeah, dude. You'd actually put a pie in their face. I'd put a pie in their face. It might be one of the brown paper apple pie I mentioned two episodes ago.

Oh, man. That really got me going hearing about that. Bake it up. Bam. Right in your face. It wasn't described enough. No. I wanted to know more about it.

I did too. Because I'd never heard anything about a brown paper pie. I'll text her. I'll find out. I'll get the info for you. Shit, man. And Patreon members. This completely ruined my entire draft.

Was she on all of our lists? She was on your list for sure? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. man. And Patreon members. This completely ruined my entire draft. Was she on all of our lists? She was on your list for sure? Yes, 100%. I thought I was sleeping taking her in the second round. Here's me being a dipshit. I didn't think anyone was going to take her.

Come on! Here's me thinking I'm the only Friday Night Lights fan in the world. And Nashville. You need to go home and read two Bibles at the same time.

I've never met another Nashville fan except for Shane Torres. So I'm excited that you watch Nashville. So didn't it go off of the air at some point? Or you followed it to the country music network? Well, she died in a plane crash.

Yes. Spoiler alert. Well, sorry. Well, late spoiler alert. Why did I say spoiler alert? Well, you're right. I mean, whatever. You know Harry Potter earlier?

Yeah. Cat's out of the bag. So Juliet goes, she ends up going to like, like a, like a religious fanatic camp in like Belize or something. Cause she, what's the, what am I looking, what's the word I'm looking for?

I feel like that's mean to say. Yeah, but that's. Born again? Yeah. Just, yeah. Like a cult.

There we go. A cult. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a cult situation. And she goes down, I think it's Belize.

And then Avery goes down to like get her back and she's not having it yeah I love I watched it's the closest to a soap opera that I've been into in my late 30s

the songs are really good too Sam Palladio and the girl that plays Scarlet Claire Australian guy yeah they're amazing singers I've purchased a couple songs

off iTunes short for internet tunes oh they will they'll did they? can you finish it? yeah they will they'll get there I love that we're getting deep for the Tunes. Oh, they will. Did they? Can you finish it? Yeah, they will. They'll get there.

I love that we're getting deep for the three Nashville fans. They're both Australian, you know that? Yeah, yeah. Big fan. We call it podcast

or Nashville now? Surprising Australians. What? Can we just call the podcast Nashville? I think we should call it Surprising Australians and that opens it up

a little bit. Shiv from Succession. Surprising Australians. Wait, what? Shiv from Succession Australians. She what? Shiv from Succession. She's Australian. Noi. Dumpling from the movie Dumpling.

Noi. Oi. Oi. Roy. Roy. Australia, you say? No. It's a very tough accent.

It's the hardest. I've been told every time I try to do an accent, it just sounds Australian. I can say one. So, like, they would say band. Like, I'm in a band. They would say, I'm in a bind. Bind. What?

I'm in a bind. I'm in a bind. That then sounds like you're in trouble. Like, I'm in a bind. I'm in a bind. I'm in a bind. I'm in a bind. I'm in a bind.

I'm in a bind. In Melbourne. We're playing Melbourne tonight. My bind. Then we're going to go to Sydney. We have a lot of Australian listeners. We're going to the opera house. I don't know how they've stayed with us this long.

Because every now and then, Noi, not Noi, not Eva. Not Eva, Amy Miller. We love you especially, Australian listeners. Seriously. And double especially, that guy flew from New Zealand to our Denver. That was incredible. That was wild.

Yeah, someone flew from New Zealand to go to a show in Denver. Yeah. Did you do anything special? We got him into the after party. There you go. We walked up and they're like, oh, he's not a Lycian. He's like, he's getting in. So we can do whatever needs to happen, but this dude's going to be in there dancing with us.

It can happen now. It can happen in five minutes after you talk to your boss who's going to say it's okay. But it will happen. They'd never seen a nine-foot tall person before. I'm 90 tall! A quarter skin and walked by at just the right moment. And we got him in. Mina, it's time for your second and third picks.

My whole board has been shaken up. I'm kicking my skin off. I'm furious, dude. I'm distraught, y'all. Good on you. That's the point. Can't say y'all like her. King Karmz.

When I was watching Friday Night Lights, I would catch myself saying y'all sometimes. Oh, yeah. Just dropping it into casual conversation. And then my brother or someone who knew me would call me out, but strangers wouldn't. You can y'all yourself through. Seriously, go to a restaurant. What's y'all special? You can do whatever you want.

You consider yourself a member of the Y'all to Right, right? Now that was a joke. Joke, joke, joke. Where's the goddamn scoreboard? All I do is write jokes on the little scoreboard. All I do is win. It's a little fun. No matter what.

Y'all I do is win. Y'all I do is win. Oh, now we're using the game. Y'all I do is win. See, I deserve Tammy Taylor. Well, you don't have her. Friday Night Lights is one of the shows that I watch the most when I'm just like, I need to drift off to a happy sleep.

It's flawless. Wait, like it's boring? Oh, no, no. You just wanted to be in that world. I will never say a bad word about Friday Night Live. What are your feelings on second season and the murder and all that stuff? That was a stretch. That was the one thing.

But I'll let it ride. I'll let it ride. What about Jesse Plemons, too, turning into just an amazing actor? The most successful out of the whole FNL gang, I'd say. Yeah, I'd say. Which is crazy. Yeah. Who would have seen that coming?

Well, I mean, you know, Michael Baj well I mean you know Michael Bajoran yeah Michael Bajoran he was right I was thinking original yeah of the original for sure Plemons

MBJ alright Maddie Saracen didn't do too much I really feel thrown by this I'm gonna take so I have our Lisa Simpson

as a daughter sister I'm gonna take as a brother Steve from Stranger Things. I like it. Older brother. Excellent. And just really cool.

Effortlessly cool. Which I guess is what cool is. Which is what Lisa needs. Some coolness and badness by osmosis. But remember when he took all of the young kids under his wing, Dustin? I feel like he would be such a phenomenal older brother. I agree with you.

That's an amazing pick. That was a great pick. Stranger Things didn't even make my radar for some reason. That's a great choice. It has a bat with spikes on it. I like that. Something you want in the fam. A Wu-Tang reference.

Wu-Tang reference. I keep feeding you. Feeding you. Feeding you. Feeding you. Feeding you. Feeding you. I was actually deciding to do him in the weird older brother whose name I forget.

Man, that's tough looking. He's the dude. I think you made the right pick. Is the weird one the one that you think the guy that puts makeup on and has that Corvette or whatever it is?

He's like a total dickhead bully? Oh, no. That's the second season. The main kid who gets dickhead bully. Oh no. That's the second season. The main kid who gets sick a lot. I like that Steve's the only person. Jonathan. Jonathan. Yeah.

Is the guy, he kind of has like bangs and he's moody and he has a camera. He takes the photo of Barb before she dies. You might remember. Yeah,

it's the Barb, rest in power. Oh, rest in power. No, screw Barb. Damn, cold blooded. The quickest hot take. But- Damn. Cold-blooded.

The quickest hot take. That was hotter than Ian's body heat. A true bar. But he- That older brother, I feel like, was too weird. Steve was cool. I agree with you. Yeah.

I mean, he was going through a lot. But yes, I agree with you. You know that fun internet? He's like a young Ben Schwartz. He looks like Ben Schwartz's son. It is true. I have not seen that. Yeah,

they look like. I believe they took a picture together. They did. They did a little thing. I don't know Ben Schwartz's. You know Ben Schwartz. Yeah, you do.

I do. Yeah. He's a head gum friend. He's on Parks and Rec. He played John Ralphio. Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, okay. The worst. It's so funny. The giggles, the giggles are the best. That's when you know it's tight.

Aren't Steve from Stranger Things the brother in your third pick? Oh, right. It's the same. Well, it's like, so if you got a biscuit in one hand, there's a bowl of chili in the other. Biscuit in one hand.

You gotta listen. That was like a good laugh over there. I didn't understand it, but now I do. Thank you. Okay, so, oh, kind of want,

you know what? What if I do a no parent family? Cool. I like this, you know what? What if I do a no-parent family? Cool. I like this. Nobody's sleeping in here. Woke up. Yeah, it's just like, stay up all night. Party like it's your birthday.

It's like, don't tell mom the baby's in his bed. Yeah. Okay. Dishes are done, man. I'm still so thrown by Tammy. Oh, yeah. All right, I'm going gonna take another brother but also could be a husband

a cousin, whatever you want him to be. Jon Snow. The ultimate flex player. Yeah, he really is. He can be a bastard, he can be a king. He can be dead, he can be alive. He can be your devil, he can be your angle. Yeah. Do you ever, we don't bring up rival late night shows, but one of the

terrible rival late night shows, they had a Jon Snow don't you dare. One of the terrible rival late night shows, they had a Jon Snow sketch where he just was Jon Snow at a dinner party. Terrible. Like in character. I only watch his show, so I don't know. This reference is flying over my head.

Thank you so much. Yes. That sketch was amazing. It was so funny. We talked about, we don't hate on other shows. Oh, no,

no, no. Especially the writers. We're like, when other people do funny stuff, we're stoked. Yeah. When they, Jon, no, no, no. Especially the writers. We're like, when other people do funny stuff, we're stoked. Yeah. When they,

John, where are you from? I'm a bastard. Just kept shoehorning it in. Anyway, yeah, John Snow, he's amazing. Wonderful. Seems like a good brother. Yeah.

Seems like a good lover. Seems like a good bastard. Seems like a good cousin. Seems like a good mysterious, you know, he's just like the guy in the family who no one really knows why. You could still go any way

with this draft. You could make him the dad. He could. I think everyone would. A could make him the dad. He could. A man of principle, too. Strong principle. Yeah, yeah. And he's willing to die, you know, for what he believes in. Fight pool player.

Yeah. I could see him being related to Steve for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The conversations between him and Steve would be incredible. Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Is he smart? Is Jon Snow smart? He is. I don't know if anybody was smart back then. I like educated. There's a certain character. Jon Snow is smarter than others. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is he smart? Is Jon Snow smart? He is. I don't know if anybody was smart back then. I like educated. But with a certain character, Jon Snow is smarter than others. I love when you say, this is a thing that my boss, Bill Simmons, also says back then. It's actually, I hate to do this.

It's an alternate fictional universe. It's not in the past. Right. Oh, God. My fucking old roommate. Star Wars. I was talking about back, I was talking about like, what do you think it was like back then and my old roommate Anthony Lopez he's like it's not it's not back then it's a different universe I'm like shut the fuck up you laughed at me like I was so stupid

I would never laugh at you because you're a sweetheart and he's a prick no I'm kidding he's a he's such a we love Lopez yeah he's great shout out to you if you listen you might listen I don't know he's been on one. That's right. I'm on one. He got bullied out of his microphone. I'm just wondering because not that Lisa needs any smart people around. True. I just want to flex him.

I don't know if that's a thing you guys do in your drafts. We do everything. We haven't before, but yeah, it's all in play. It's really just an excuse to have a fun convo. I hate to tip our hand 104 episodes in or whatever. But we're not actually going to compete.

Oh, we put Twitter polls out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's not good. People are going to know that you were on this. For my fam.

What are you talking about? Or my brand. You've got a huge Twitter following. Sure, you've got to protect the brand. They'll vote for you. Yeah.

No, I don't know. Until they see how dank my family is. Tammy Taylor, come on, I already won. They'll vote for you. Yeah. No, I don't know. Until they see how dank my family is. Tammy Taylor, come on, I already won. You really did. My brand is Kevin Arnold, always has been,

so, you know, here I am. I took Lisa first. It's just gray from there. Seriously. I think people are gonna ride with you. You'll find- My all-kid family.

Yeah. I like an all-kid family. People don't like that. No rules. Too bad you can't take Rufio from Hook. He'd be a good- Oh.

I know, I kept getting lost in movies. I was like, oh man, I can't take Rufio from Hook. He'd be a good... I know. I kept getting lost in movies. I was like, oh, man, I can't take Willy Wonka. Rufio. Was he a skater or something? Yeah. Oh. He rollerbladed in the movie? In the movie, I think a lot of them rollerbladed, right?

Yeah. In the movie? That was when rollerblading was really on the come up. Rollerblading was never on the come up. It was on the come up for like one year in 1991, I think. All right. You're not going to get it out of him. Are you anti-blade?

Well, I've been skateboarding as long as I can remember. Wesley Snipes is listening to this podcast. Joke, joke. Yeah, there it is. You're on the board. Leave a champion. Save my family. Be remembered a hero.

Leave a champion. Damn. Okay. So. Be remembered a hero Leave a champion Damn Okay So So Sarah I like that I'm going to take now I think

My grandfather Okay For the show And I'm taking Mr. Rogers That's a great one Yeah Wow Yep Incredible Just so much warmth From your family So much warmth and I'm taking Mr. Rogers that's a great one wow

yep incredible just so much warmth from your family so much warmth your family's so wholesome yeah it's a real wholesome family

Phil, Tammy Mr. Rogers and then my fifth pick is going to be the Demogorgon I want to be adopted into your family yeah right

people want to be in my family I don't even know what the rubric is if they're the most entertaining or who you'd want to be adopted into your family. Yeah, right? People want to be in my family. I don't even know what the rubric is, if they're the most entertaining or who you'd want to be raised by. But just Mr. Rogers stopping by wearing a cardigan and comfy shoes, you know? Slipping them off. Taking them off, yeah. He just seemed like such a, you would want him to be your grandpa.

100%. You'd want him to like talking to your kids, your kids, treating them like adults. Your family is like the house where if someone's from a broken home, they end up staying there for three months. I feel like my family lives next door to your family and your family. Why don't you come over? We don't have any parents. When's the last time you had to hold a meal? They're definitely bringing you jackets. He just holds the fucking door.

Come on in. Come on door. Come on in. Come on in. Come on in. There's parents in here. Dropping a lot of casseroles off. Danny. What did you eat for dinner last night? Cereal?

Yeah, come over. All right, come on. Yeah, come over. My house was kind of like that. St. Sue Carmel, my mother, brought for my older siblings. It didn't happen so much with me, but with my older siblings, they had a lot of friends who just for one reason or another couldn't stay at their house, you know? Yeah.

And like she would take them in. That's wonderful. And they would come and stay with us. My mom did. Our old friend. So my friend Gary, the kid I grew up with. Shit, I don't know. It's a rough story.

But anyway, his mom like dipped for my. So she's like, can you stay? Can you crash the crib for like? I'm sure she didn't say crash at the crib can you stay at your house for like a day she dipped for like two weeks and so my mom's like shit i think we're gonna have to like think this is my kid now and then she came back she's like sorry i freaked out and da da da but yeah that gnarly boy we kicked it with no no no i didn't see him for a minute but um no that was wilson wilson this fucking dude yeah this other guy that we're talking about sent my girlfriend a dozen roses while we were in high school.

He knew. It had been my girlfriend for a while. And I called him. I was like, Ryan, you can't do that, man. I want to be friends. We're really good friends. He's awesome. But I was like, please don't send my girlfriend flowers.

You just can't do that. Or put my name on there. What a move. Say from both of us. I really thought that would work. That would be it. The dozen rosins. A dozen rosins. I'll I really thought that would work. That would be it. The Dozen Rosens. The Dozen Rosens.

I'll sign up for that. Hello. A DeMarzen Rosen. That's the family you want. 11 and the one guy coming off the bench. The Dozen Rosens. That's a nice whole sitcom.

But yeah, Mr. Rogers, did anyone watch that Will You Be My Neighbor documentary that came out? I did not. It was so good. Ooh, so good

watching it on a plane a lot of feels whipping openly whipping I was whipping on the plane I was whipping from Boise to LA

crying the whole time tearing up just thinking about it the blue line man it's too much it's too much when I watch those little clips of him

just being really good and wholesome yeah right just such a loving thoughtful person low key subversive yeah it thoughtful person low key subversive yeah really was low key subversive

yeah I had no idea as a six year old you know religious but you can have a grandpa be that oh yeah that's fine I don't think religion

makes you bad or anything no it doesn't make you bad no killing people makes you bad yeah thievery thievery makes you bad

horse thievery tomfoolery tomfoolery skylarking makes you kind tomfoolery skylarking makes you kind of bad what's skylarking it's kind of like chicanery

like monkey business this is like shenanigans shenanigans yeah ultimately it's shenanigans right rabble rousing

that makes you bad when you're a rabble rouser I can't think of anymore you rattle off like my four favorite ones I'm cheating this is like a bit we used to do

buffoonery back in South Dakota what about buffoonery sure did we just say tomfoolery not just a kid I went to middle school with just Dakota. What about buffoonery? Sure. Did we just say Tom foolery? Not just a kid I went to middle school with, just a form of,

you know, Thomas foolery, Chuck woolery and Thomas foolery. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. Uh, all right, man.

It is. All right, man. All right. I'm going to go. This is kind of a weird one. I'm picking for, uh, my dad or maybe one of my dads,

but I'm picking red foreman. Oh, I like red foreman. always have like kurt wood smith i like me a red foreman stern as shit but again he's like you know a way harsher version of philip banks yeah like he'll really tell you what time it is but he wants you to end up all right are we working i feel like you're working through stuff right now a lot of stuff it was a weird night last night. Red Foreman looks like a caricature of Clint Eastwood. Dude, he's got like a nine head. He really does. That's the biggest forehead I've ever done.

The head goes all the way back down to the neck. It's so big. His forehead is actually the only TV station you can see. Or whatever we were joking about earlier. You know, call it. We were saying different TV stations. Sure. Taxicab one, Seesaw, and then Red Forbidden.

Sling, Crackle. Crackle. Sling. Still waiting for Sling to pick something up. YouTube Live. Man, they almost got me with the credit. CBS All Access. Instagram video, whatever that's called.

Korean War Veteran. It's always trying to make me use that. What, Instagram Live? Yeah, that's what it's like. It's always trying to make me use that. I'm like, I didn't mean to click on that I know and then you like go live and you're like oh shit like all of my chins

I have to watch this what to go live on the gram I've never actually done it you know who does it I think every Monday is John Mayer has a very popular Instagram television streaming show that he does

where he interviews people and then sits there and plays guitar. And he just goes live and do people watch it later? A lot of people watch it. I don't know about later because I don't know how, like, you know, I don't know where the,

where the content goes after 24 hours, but I know that he does that. Can I go live right now? Yeah, dude, go live. Here's a dumb question. When you go live,

can people see your watching? Cause sometimes I do want to watch like, uh, does it, does, does it have a list of who's all watching your live stream? What, are you trying to Instagram stalk somebody? Yes. No, no, dude. No, man, Red Foreman. When they join your, so if they join your broadcast, yes, you'll see their name pop up. Okay.

But whatever their name is on Instagram, it's not like, you know, so it could be like. Sean Cougar Mellinger. Right, yeah. But you can see who's watching you on Instagram. So you'd know and they can comment. I'm going to go live in the shower. Yeah, and it's going to be like Nicole first on there. She'll just sign off real quick and be like, I saw you.

Are we live? Huh? No, I heard. Yeah, we are now live. I'm blind as a bat. So we're live. This is the first live All Fantasy ever. Nice, I decided to wear pants for once, you know?

Who's watching? Nobody's watching it. It's okay. That's what a slap in the face. Absolutely zero people. You're always going live. Oh, two people joined? Mom, I'm live.

No one's ever watched. Should I do one too? Oh, a few people joined. Yeah. Oh, now a hell of people have joined. Weird. This is, I've never gone live few people joined, yeah. Oh, now a hell of people have joined. Weird. I've never gone live before. Hello, everyone. Now you're addicted.

I went to the camera button for when you add something to your story. This is hilarious, dude. Is it on you or is it on me? We're recording all fancy everything now. Now it's on you. Do I sound like a 90-year-old? You do. You look like you're wearing a pink shirt. I could have gone live. What do I look like? Are you live? I know I'm live. No, I ain't live.

What's Marissa doing? Marissa, are you live? Oh, it's like Tombstone, but with Instagram live. You better stop pointing that phone at my dad! This is like a Quentin Tarantino movie. We're all gonna... We're live. Not all of us are gonna walk out of here. I got some viewers.

I got some viewers, guys. This is so tight. Okay. The beginning of the end of my feelings. Thank you for tuning into the Instagram live during All Fantasy and everything. We figured out how to use it, and we probably won't ever do it again. All right. Shalom, everyone. This person says, Mina, you're dope.

Jason, appreciate you always, my dude. And okay, we'll end on a close-up of the mustache. Oh, they must have forgot me. Just forgot to John. They forgot to say something about Sean. Everyone loves always, my dude. Okay, we'll end on a close-up of the mustache. They must have forgotten me. No, everyone loves you. Selfish. So selfish. This is way too close on carbs. All right, where's the end button? There it is. Where's the end button?

You sounded like the old Jewish man that you'll eventually be. Where's the end button? Where is this? Which button do I push for a brisket? All right, Red Foreman Dog, yeah, fine. Oh, I'll take a Red Foreman Dog. Can we go get a hot dog and order a Red Foreman Dog? I need a Red Foreman Dog for sure.

I'm hungry. For sure. Yeah, dude. Oh, Laker Girl. Oh, Laker Girl. I heard it the other night. I was in, like, the workout room and it really bothers me. It still bothers me. It bothers me every time I watch it. It's insane.

Have you been to Staples Center in your Lakers game? It's like, why do you need to say it like that? Lakers. Lakers. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming out

to Staples Center and welcome your Lakers. It's so creepy. Everything else is normal. It's like when you say it normal. Is that the creepiest possible way to say Lakers?

Yes. Nope. There's got to be a creepier way. Like, what about, like, Laker girls? That's pretty good. I got it. I got it. Laker girls.

Shit. Yeah, that was gross. What if the announcer's like, Laker's only your Laker girl. I think you just got put on a sex offender list just by doing that. I'm on a couple lists. You now need to register.

Laker girl. Laker girl. Stop the register. Laker girl. Stop the talking. Laker girl. Laker girl. Audible licking of the list. Laker girl. Oh, man.

You could, like, eat a banana and say it. That might be creepy. Laker girl. Laker girl. That was like Cornholio. That was like Cornholio. Dude. Laker girls. Laker girls. That was like Cornholio. That was like Cornholio. Dude. Laker girls. Laker girls.

I'm going to be 40 sooner than later, and this is so funny. I love it. I love it. Laker girls. Oh, wow. I want to draft the Laker girls. We're going to draft ways to say the Laker girls. We'll come back and we'll take different ways to say Laker girl.

Oh, man. Yeah, that 70s show is a fun show, dude. Good pick. Good pick. Jason, it's time for your third and fourth picks. So I'm going to pick one of my daughters. And I'm going to go with. Speaking of John Mayer.

That's right. Bubble gum tongue, dude. I'm going to reach for a deep cut now. Kind of a deep cut I'm gonna go Clarissa from Clarissa Explains It All hell yeah

good one perfectly deep cut just because like you need that person who's going to explain it all yeah you really need it's true

you really do I mean listen that's a very rare skill yeah and it's a skill I think that's extremely needed super smart was kind of like

a hacker before hacking and creative and like extremely quirky like very comfortable with herself in on bitcoin

early probably she had a farm one thing we would need to clear up is why the next door neighbor just has

a ladder that can come up to her bedroom little weird but cause they're friends dude you never had a friend

that's how they get it just use the front door like a person. We live in a one-story house and I still have David Borey put a ladder up to it. Who was the friend?

Ferguson's the brother. It's his name's Max. Ferguson, right? Or no, Ferguson's the brother. It's like Ferguson, but the friend was not Max. Yeah, Max.

Yeah, the window dude. He would climb up. And he would just, they were just house. And also, like really aggressive, like here's two things about the ladder.

Use the door. One. Two, if you're gonna do the ladder, can you just like gently, like he really banged that thing against the siding. Well,

he was letting her know, like, hey, I'm coming up. I don't wanna like surprise you or freak you out. Yeah, but now you're fucking up the paint.

Like, you know. Do you think they were bonking? No, I don't think. They were there. It's a purely platonic. How old was Melissa John Hart? At that's all I'm saying. I think they were bonking. No, I don't think. They were there. It's a purely platonic. How old was Melissa Joan Hart? At that time?

I'm guessing. What was the reach? I just haven't heard it called bonking. 12 to 16? They could have been bonking. Bonking? They could have bonked at least once. Well, I mean, listen, she would explain it all to him.

Yeah, true. The birds and the bees. Yeah, both of it. Yeah. The whole thing. So I got her. So that's one of my picks. I like to think they bonked. Yeah. The whole thing. So I got her. So that's one of my picks. I like to think they bonked.

Eventually. I mean, maybe they, did they go to prom together? Because that's when you bonk, you know? Who would ask who? She's very intimidating to ask, I think, to a prom. Well, Max also wore a grip of goofy shit. He seemed pretty confident. He was a waterman.

What about, Ferguson was crazy because he was like a Reaganite, right? Wasn't that the whole angle of her brother? Was like a neocon kid? Yes, like Alex P. Haley figure for Nickelodeon. Right, exactly. What a weird character. So I need her to explain it. She'll let you know. She will let everyone know.

So it's like chili and you double dip the... Right. Say you got a bowl of chili in one hand, you got a biscuit in the other and then you kind of dip the biscuit in the middle. I'm going to go on.

Yeah, no. Also, she broke the fourth ball a lot which was like, you know, really important. Yeah. That's the thing,

you know, you need that, I think you need a little bit of that vibe with your family. Progressive television. Rationalism. And then my second daughter,

I'm going to go with Eleven from Stranger Things. Oh, there you go. That's a bullpen. I need that kind of, I just need telekinesis. I was going to say that kind of like superpower. Literally a superpower where she can stop stuff and move it around with her mind, with just her mind.

God, we were talking about if you had telekinesis or if you were a magneto or something, if you were just driving on the freeway cars on the other side of the freeway I'd still just be popping like popcorn all over the place oh my god I'd be tossing white BMWs all over the place

I would just be the just crunch up a whole parking lot be like eat your way like MJ dude I would just be doing the laziest stuff like putting the you know putting the nachos

in the microwave just like moving open the microwave door put them in absolutely press it sure and then have them come out

maybe you could could she even bake nachos with her mind? I'll tell you what you could do is you could just telekinesis nachos from like Applebee's all the way to your house. Ooh, telekinesis. Telekinesis. That might be the name. Why is that like a New Jersey Italian talking about superfood?

Telekinesis. I love it. Telekinesis is some of those. She's brilliant. As far as people got telekinesis, you know, she's up there at the top, you know. Listen, she got the telekinesis. Very powerful. Telekinesis is some of those. She's brilliant. As far as people got telekinesis, you know, she's up there at the top, you know. Listen, she got the telekinesis. Very powerful. Telekinesis.

Very powerful telekinesis. The prosciutto. You know, you got the prosciutto over there. You got telekinesis over here. The mozzarella. Yeah, hey, hey. We need some mozzarella. Eleven.

Get some of that mozzarella with the telekinesis. You know I like a lot of telekinesis. Once, once. What's the row with the telekinesis? You know I like a lot of telekinesis. Once, once. The telekinesis is going to come in handy if the dragons ever come out during a domestic squabble. Yeah, and then she could just be like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know? Yeah. And she's got a lot of powerful elder figures there to keep her on the straight and hour, plus Clarissa to explain it all to her. Well, because Eleven is not of our world. Right. She missed a lot of stuff.

That's the thing about Eleven. If Eleven came up to you and she had Miracle Whip in one hand and mayo in the other hand, you need to explain the fucking difference. And they're clissers. Clissers. And the difference is Miracle Whip is angry, angry mayonnaise. I like them both.

I don't taste a huge difference. I think they're both great. Why is it a miracle, though? It's too tangy. One of them's zingy, right? It's a miracle that anyone eats it, if you ask me. Joke, joke. Yeah, all right.

It's going on the board. It's going on the board. Put it up. And it's up. All right. So Eleven's going to need a lot of coaching up. Obviously very powerful,

but not a lot of knowledge about the world. Knows a lot about Eggo waffles and stuff like that, but not a lot about uh not a lot of knowledge about the world knows a lot about eggo waffles and stuff like that but not a lot about other things high ceiling low floor situation exactly so we need to you know we need to kind of craft that ability to be a normal human in the world so she doesn't just like tear people apart you got a little spurt system going on over there yeah is it you have an all-female family we're trying to just we're trying to flip the script on 2018-19

and just destroy everyone with just the most powerful women that can be out there they are fairly powerful oh yeah hmm interesting your fourth pick

is it my fourth huh yeah dang we got five picks okay oh yeah I forgot with the chili and I was thinking

I had the bread next your analogy is not kind of like Lombard Street, you know? So I'm going to go with my mother, and it's going to be Estelle Costanza. Oh! Really? Yeah, dude. What's that pick?

Yes. Her and Kurt Wood, that's a fun relationship, and rules are solid. Her and who? Her and Red Foreman. Oh, Red Foreman. I keep calling him Kurt Wood Smith, but yeah, Red Foreman. Damn. It's just a fun house. Kevin's gonna learn.

He's gonna learn. I might have a stroke trying to figure that dynamic out. I think that's the name of your show. Kevin's gonna learn. There's the show. Kevin's gonna learn. Estelle Costanza is the mother of Arya Stark.

Yes. I mean, just the comic relief that she would bring to the house is just fantastic. Oh, yeah. That's the dynamic right there. Yeah. I was wondering how this was going to shake out. I'm digging. Kevin's future just got a little more murky.

We don't know. Yeah. Kevin's future just got a little more murky. We don't know. Yeah. Kevin's working on his own manifesto. All we know about the children Estelle Costanza is capable of raising is that it's George Costanza.

Yeah, but like a high- He's not a bad guy. Yes, he is. A high-ranking member of the Yankees front office for a period of time. George Costanza is a bad guy. He's a bad guy.

He's not a good- I don't think he's a bad guy. I just don't think he's a good guy. He's bad. He was happy when his fiance died because he was scared to tell her he didn't want to get married. That was rough.

That's a mark against him. He's a bad guy. He's milking the system all the time. He was relieved. He didn't kill her. Killing her would be a bad guy. Murder. Thievery. Tomfoolery. You know, the whole list.

Skylarking. Yeah, Estelle Costanza. I love it. I think her and Red Foreman, they're going to have some heated, passionate nights.

I love that you have this traditional, disciplinarian, 70s parents and then Arya Stark. I know. She is sneaking out. Yeah,

sneaking out every night. She is. Every single night. Writing them down on our list. I know. She is sneaking out. Every night. Every single night. Writing them down on our list. Every night. Gonna kill him with a pin. Waking up. Red. Red.

Red. Shut up with that list. Shut up with that list. I'm over you. What are you gonna do with that? Stay in the heat. What are you going to do with that? Stay in the heat! It's still. What are you writing? It's still.

What are you writing in there? I always hear you saying my name. You got a good, see, I never would have known that you had a good Estelle Costanza. I think it's the New York in me a little bit. Yeah. Ain't nothing but the dog in me. Super booty. Dolly.

Dolly. I thought of this earlier. Marissa Explains It All. Oh, Marissa Explains It All. New podcast. You were both too young and too from Canada to know what Clarissa Explains It All is. Yeah. But it was a popular Melissa Joan Hart vehicle here in the States.

This is all Degrassi for Marissa. Yeah. It would be an amazing Halloween costume for you. It would be. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. All right, cool. Locking away.

Yeah, it's still Costanza. Very dank. I love it. Time for my pick? Yeah. Gay grandpas. Oh! All right.

So I got Mr. Rogers. The other one? Alex Trebek. Whoa! See, there you go. Alex Trebek whoa see there you go you can't even you can't even see the bun you're thinking

so far outside of it I'm so outside of it yeah Alex would Alex Trebek is my other grandpa I would butt heads with that dickhead

for sure I like him Jeopardy is my favorite show of all time always I love Jeopardy but he's always sneaking in these

little jabs he's a good he's a sneaking in these little jabs. He's a good guy, though. Is he? I think he is a good guy. We did a little research. Because Pat Sajak's such a bad guy. We had to look into it. He's a generous dude.

He donates a lot of land to conservation projects. 74 acres of open land space from Alex Trebek. How did you know that? Because I just looked it up, but I remember reading about it. Yeah. Trebek. Strong mustache haver. Important to me to have that in my rotation. Yeah. No, I love

Alex Trebek. Him and Fred Rogers are hooking up. They're coming over. Yeah, I just want, I think it would be fun to have Alex Trebek around partially for the Snide Little Comets. Oh yeah, I like that. So they're like a sassy old gang. Yeah, they're like a sassy old couple.

Yeah, exactly. He, like, he's the hammer on the way out to commercial. You know, so like a scene just happened and we need one last funny thing to say to get us to commercial. Right. Trebek. What is won't you be my neighbor?

Yeah, right, yeah, exactly. Oh, not even close. And then it's a fucking Tide Pod commercial. When he says shit like that, you're like, ooh, you were way off. You know, and I'm like, Alex, man, they feel bad about themselves because they got the wrong answer on national

television. They don't need, oh, and it looks like you don't get to play Final Jeopardy. Yeah, no shit, they knew that. They're on Jeopardy. They know that if you're in the red, you don't get to play. Look, man, he's gonna hear three Nebush's most interesting life stories every single day. And he's gonna be sassy every now and then. I was saying the other, you think somebody would accidentally

tell a funny story or something, right? Yeah, it's not happened once. Fuck no, it hasn't. It's either been boring boring or a person who is boring trying to not be boring. Well, one time I wanted mashed potatoes for dinner and then I made them and I ate them. So, yeah, I'm from Cleveland. Did you see recently, it was a Teen Jeopardy, I believe, and the three contestants all tried to dab? Oh, no.

I didn't see that. This is a podcast, so I cannot convey the incredible. How bad were they? I mean, I'll do it now for you guys. Oh. Oh, no. Hell yeah. Pass.

What is the cutoff? What's the cutoff? For dabbing? Nothing. For being able to, what's the age cutoff to sincerely dab? It's not 37. Yeah. Oh, no.

See, God damn it, Sean. It's so 37. No, see, god damn it, Sean. No, stop it. You're not even dabbing right. This is a conversation we had. I'm not dabbing, I'm doing coke every time. We had a conversation about this at the office. Some people really like dabbing. I feel like you can't...

You have to throw in some pre-moves. I'm not sure how to dab sincerely, although the move that a lot of people like is the fake handshake dab. Oh! Whoa! So it's like, yeah, like... Almost like a boing! Like it's a hypertension. Well, am I crazy?

It was so, people did it in clubs so they could do coke without being obvious, right? That's what... That's not true. Wait, wait. Migos is even got it. Migos is even chirping on me over here. So they'd be snorting it off their forearm? that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not

that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not

that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not

that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not

that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not bump on my index finger and then I'm going to whip my hand towards my face. Slow dab, you know?

We're going to do Coke at the club so let's see this dance with some popular rappers. In six months, it's something I can do at 11.30pm and nobody will know. Sean, put that away. No, no, no. You don't understand, man. Watch this.

Let me show you some videos of football players celebrating touchdowns. This is a casual move. Everybody does it. Cam Newton's agreed to normalize it so we can do coke in this club. I mean, all right. It's not true, buddy. I said combined boobie and buddy. Boobie.

How wrong you are. Longin'. I love it. You know what a good way, not to promote my own television program again, but we did Amigos Carpool Karaoke, and they show you some pretty fun ways to dab in there. Okay. Oh, wow. If James Corden can get away with it, so can you. I mean, I can.

And you, and you, and Marissa. Wow. There it is. Did you just dab? Uh. That's not, what you're doing is not a dab. There it is. Did you just dab? Ugh. That's not what you're doing. It's not a dab. It's not. You're lifting both of your arms at the same time and then just smelling a fist.

You look like a cat. Stop it. You're killing me. You really look like a kitten. That's fun. That's great. Not to the whole family. All right.

Yeah, Alex Trebek. I'm going to do that when I meet Laura's dad over Christmas. You better. Do you know if I could damn shake? His girlfriend's dad is a general in the Air Force. He's like, son, what was that? He just pulls it out. I knew I've been saving this bullet for something.

You're going to end up court-martialed. You're not even in the military, but it's going to happen somehow. Go to the brig or whatever it is. He's in the Air Force, a colonel? General. General. General, wow, like how many stars? I think four. Damn!

Pretty buck, right? Yeah. You should do it. It's the only way you can do coke at the ranch. Four stars? Actually, I would like to talk about the F-15 Tomcat. Right. I've never even had a roogla before.

Yeah. Right. I don't even, I've never even had a Rugal before. Dab. Roll Tide. I'm just going to come up behind him and like dab for him. You dabbing looks like a cartoon vulture walking somewhere.

Your arms are all akimbo and weird. Just call me Dabney Coleman, dude. Oh, Dabney Coleman. My two dabs. Me and it's time for your fourth pick and then your final pick as it is a Serpentine Drab. My two dabs. Mia, let's start for you with one pick, and then your final pick. As it is, a serpentine draft.

My two dabs. I'm just going to let that marinate for a second. So I have this all-kid household. I feel like it's totally shaken up my draft board. Yes. I've deviated from all of my plans. I had so many great moms and dads, but I have to, now that I've- Moms and dabs.

That was kind of a step-dab joke right there. Step-dab. I had so many great moms and dads, but I have to, now that I've... Moms and dabs. That was kind of a step-dab joke right there. I got a dab butt. I got a bone up on my step-dab joke. Dab butt. Oh, Lord. Dabby daycare? Did Jenna warn you about any of this?

Like when they call me Big Dabby? All right. So, I'm actually pretty excited about this pick Both of these picks I'm taking Wishbone the dog Oh shit Yeah I did it

Oh fuck that's such a good pick Thank you Damn I mean it's all kid household No rules Feel like I gotta throw a dog into the mix Well they need some sense of like You gotta feed something got to feed something or, like, something, you know. Take care of the dog.

And if I had a dog – I have a dog. Why did I say that? But if I – sorry, Lenny. We're immersed in the same fictional universe. I should have taken Lenny. That would have been the weirdest flex because he's sometimes on TV. That would count. Take my own dog.

Take yourself. But I do think him and Lisa would vibe really well. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. He has this rich inner life, great knowledge of world history. Plus, you get everything you get out of Clarissa. Clarissa explains it all. What's the story Wishbone?

He tells you. Plus, he's a dog. Yeah. Plus, he's a dog. Also, the cutest. That was a big time for Jack Russell Terriers between Frasier and Wishbone. Man, Frasier was great for the Jack. Yeah.

Eddie. Eddie. I think Eddie, yeah. Eddie was, yeah, another good dog. Great dog. A very loyal dog. Unbelievable dog. What was the Wishbone theme song?

It's like, what's the story, Wishbone? What's this you're dreaming of? Something like that, right? Wow. Yeah. I don't. That was good. I think something like that.

That sounded really good. I can see that. Okay. So I have, right? Wow. Yeah. I don't. That was good. I think something like that. That sounded really good. I can see that. Okay, so I have, let's just recap. I've got Lisa Simpson. Yes. I took Jon Snow. Yeah. Steve. I took Steve from Strange Things. He's a dog lover as well, Jon Snow. Alright. I've got, I'm gonna take another

daughter, because this is my all, my baddie household, next to his, well, not that Alistair Beck's, Well, no, that actually really... It works. Yeah, you need a little vinegar. Our houses are next to each other. Your house is always telling my house to keep it down. I'm gonna take Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks.

Oh! That's just some... That's Linda Cardellini's character, right? Yes. Okay, yeah. Fantastic. She's a freak. The brother's a geek, Sam Weir, who's also a great, great child. But just because I think Lisa needs that kind of counterpoint of a cool but also smart girl in the fam. It's a little bit like when they go to the coast and Lisa – or Bart, like, Lisa makes friends with that older girl, right? I don't remember.

And then Bart ends up dating her? He definitely, Bart falls in love with an older girl. Falls in love with an older girl. At one point. I'm not sure if Lisa. Oh, no, Lisa does have like an older friend at one point. Doesn't she also wear like an olive drab military coat? Like Lindsay Weir?

Yes. Anyway, yeah. That was the tenuous connection my brain made. The universal signifier of a girl gone bad is an olive drab military coat. It really is. Uh-oh, what's she up to? No good. I bet she's

dabbing at the club. I'm just going to keep the hands where they're at. I saw the arm twitch. You almost did it. I'm a lot of cocaine. Whoa.

Oh, hello. It's the hand instead of the elbow that's really throwing you. I do a cat paw thing. It's like if you watch. That's what it looks like. You look like an extremely...

I'm just making sure the Oscar de la Renta is still on my wrist. Like a person with an eye issue trying to check their watch is what it looks like. Dale. Yeah, Lindsay Weir's cool. That's a great pick. Yep. Great to have in the family with Lisa, for sure. The night before I moved to Portland, I watched the last episode of Freaks and Geeks and just cried in my room.

Where she gets in the van and takes off, and I'm just like, that's what I'm going to do. But I was 27. She was 18. I like my family. Yeah. I love it, too. You had a great family.

Thanks. Yep. A lot of casseroles. We're a lot of baddies. Shit, I've really backed myself into a corner here. Taking so many grown-ups. So old. It's so old.

You don't have any kids yet? Do you want to stay on theme? There's no kids. Yeah. I don't know who these people are raising. We need... My house. Your whole house.

I'll tell you what they're raising. They're Bridge IQ. Yeah. Pinochle. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah, it was a card joke. I had to make it.

I don't think it was clear when I said bridge because it could be like the bridge is uh you know bridge over the river Kwai alright that was a nice little shut the fuck up

oh no that's not what it was it was me shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up okay I'm gonna take it's not even I'm gonna take Rory Gilmore. Oh!

Yeah, I'm going to put Rory in there. Gilmore Girls is one of my three favorite shows of all time. I never watched it, and I know I'd love it. Yeah, you really would love it. It's right up my alley. And they rebooted it for Netflix, and it's great. She has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. Of course.

She's a smart kid. She's a good kid, but she, you know, goes through the foibles of life. Now, Gilmore Girls is three daughters? What is that? Mother and a single mom, daughter, and then there's a grandma, sort of. They're super rich. The grandparents are super rich. Okay.

The daughter has been like, no, I don't want your money, because it's complicated. Okay. She got pregnant in high school. The mom did. The mom did. They're like, no, I don't want your money because she, it's complicated. She got pregnant in high school. The mom did. They're like, don't keep it. It's very confusing because Lorelai, who is the mother, who I didn't draft. Who'd be a great pick. Would be a great pick. Had a daughter, named her daughter Lorelai

as well. She juniored her. It's a fun thing. Calls her Rory though. That's who I picked. I've got so much. I want to hit him on the red wave. They've got a complicated relationship because the mother is obviously still in the prime of her life. And then Rory is a young woman growing more charming every day. So it's like a really interesting chemistry.

She's got like a real Lisa Simpson thing going on. Real smart. Trying to get into Yale. She went to Yale. Yeah. Tried to get into Harvard. Went to Yale. She becomes ady. She's got like a real Lisa Simpson thing going on. Real smart. Trying to get into Yale. Yeah. She goes to Yale. She went to Yale. Yeah, tried to get into Harvard. She becomes a blogger. Right? Yeah. Yes. Wait, or did she try... Anyway, listen.

She gets in the media. She wants to be the next Christiane Amanpour. And I think with this support cast, she can be. Is it not just Christine? Is it? Is it Christine Amanpour? I think it's, I don't know. I've heard her say it, but now I can't picture it in my head. I think it might be Christiane, but I'm not sure.

Amanpour. I got that part right. Yeah. We can all agree on that. And the fact that I can balance that and being the youngest late night TV writer and head writer in late night history. It's pretty great. How do I keep all these plates spinning? I don't know. I don't know. Going to the gym every goddamn day?

Every day. It's crazy. Every day? Yeah. At one point. I like that. Can I ask you, should I join a gym?

But what gym do you go to? What do you do? I go to 24 Hour Fitness. Wow. It's real simple. Yeah. But you should probably join Equinox, dude. I don't know. Equino Just real simple. Yeah. But you should probably do an Equinox, dude. I don't know.

It's like, I don't like- Equinox. They got keels on the bathroom, bro. Equinox. That sounds like a scent of Axe. What? Equinox. Equinox?

It probably, it's like Hollywood Axe. It basically is. Anyway, off air. Sean Jordan, time for your final pick. Anyway, off air. Off air for your final pick anyway off air off air my last pick is gonna be the neighbor

I'm picking Wilson from Home and Friends hell yeah yep yep yep you know you gotta have someone to go blow off especially Red and Estelle

oh they got a lot of complaining to you going at each other sometimes they need to go talk to Wilson just fucking cool out a little bit Aria Wilson talks her out

of killing a bunch of people and Kevin's over there teaching Wilson things. Sure. Yeah, all kinds of shit going on in my yard. Shenanigans. Yeah. I love Wilson.

Some skylarking, some tomfoolery. Malarkey. A little rabble rousing. It is, because you have between Red Foreman and Estelle Costanza, you have both. You have like a Jewish and like a whatever Red Foreman, a waspy Midwestern from just two hurricanes, Methodist and Jewish, just battling into your household while these two children run for cover.

Costanza, by the way, not a Jewish name, but they were so Jewish. They definitely tracked Jewish. Yeah, Wilson. He's just hanging out. Great. Dispensing wisdom. Saying hi, neighbor. He ain't telling it like it isn't.

That's true. He's over there telling it like it is. I love it. Jason, time for your final pick. Daenerys and Elizabeth Jennings, I think they're going to be, you know, they're very type A and very busy. So I need a grandmother, but I'm also going to pick a type A grandmother. I'm going to go with President Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica. Okay.

Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica. Oh. Okay. She was the president of basically all that was left of Earth that was escaping from destruction at the hands of the android Cylons, managed to keep everybody together. It was a very trying time as they were running for their lives, and she just exudes authority and warmth with it, which I think is a really difficult thing to do.

It is, yeah. Is this in the future? No, no, it's alternate fictional. No, no, it is in the future. It's way in the future. Also, the timeline, it's part of it. Now we're going to spoil another show. I don't want to spoil it.

If you're fucking not up on Battlestar and you're trying to get up on it, you should have been up on it. Yeah, that's it. Battlestar is really one of the great TV shows. You can stream it anytime. Where? On Instagram Live? On Crackle, on Sling,

on YouTube Red. You gotta pay for it being on YouTube Red. There's a puddle on the corner of Western and Sunset, and if you stare into it, the ripples, the reflection, that's where you can catch it. And you whisper, Battle Star, Battle Star. And then it'll come it'll

yeah it's a president lord roswell great leader of of uh of uh earth played by uh mary mcdonald love love her dancing with wolves man i filmed in south dakota she danced with a deal stands with two fist am i right wait what stands with two fist stands with two from uh dancing with wolves yeah yeah you know they filmed with, they filmed that in South Dakota. Stands with Fists, that was the name. South Dakota. Filmed it there.

Yeah, wait, wait, wait. In Bismarck or? Well, that's actually North Dakota. Kevin Costner opened himself a restaurant in Deadwood, so. Stands with a Fist.

Yeah, Stands with a Fist. You knew it. Damn, what a pull. Stands with a Fist. Stands with a Fist. You got it. That's a great, yeah. I feel great about myself

also played the first lady in Independence Day yeah man that's great that was huge hell yeah Mary McDonnell amazing

so that wraps it up that was so we made it out of two I was nervous for this I thought I was gonna look like a dipshit cause I do that sometimes come on now you don't

I do now you don't I blow it sometimes he picked a movie he hadn't seen for the pop culture week I did but I'm

alright. I can do that. Yeah, I got your back on that. I'll go to the boards. But yeah, I'm excited. This is tight. Just to recap, Mina, you went first. You took Lisa Simpson, Steve from Stranger Things, Jon Snow, Wishbone, and Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks.

The recap's the best part. Why are you laughing at my family? I love your family. What are you talking about? That was a laugh of judgment. No, it was not. A sharp intake of breath. Oh, my God. This is not.

This is. See, this is your ESPN. This is your first taking right now. Laker girls. Laker girls. I'm sorry. Anyone who had to listen to that slurp noise I apologize

it's a free podcast you know I went second I took Uncle Phil, Tammy Taylor Mr. Rogers Alex Trebek and Rory Gilmore Sean Jordan you went third you took Arya Stark Kevin Arnold

Red Foreman Estelle Costanza and Will Cindy Kevin doesn't fucking fit that's for sure that's the TV show that's the only show yeah that is the show

I'm watching that show for sure Jason you went last you took Daenerys Targaryen Elizabeth Jennings Clarissa for Closer Explains It All Eleven and President Laura Roslyn

hell yeah yeah three caps the best part. Estrogen. We left some amazing people on the bench, of course. I mean, there's so many great characters. I thought Kramer would be a fun neighbor. Eric Taylor was gonna be my dad. I'm surprised no one said him. It seemed too obvious. Yeah.

But seriously, he... Perfect. I thought Darius from Atlanta would be like a fun older brother. I thought about Earn as a dad. Earn would be a great dad. Yeah. I think. Like Earn in eight years.

He's getting there. He's working his- Kitty Foreman was one that I wanted. You know, Red Foreman. Yeah, Kitty Foreman. I had Frankenstans on my list, weirdly. And Larry David as grandpas. Am I the only person who wrote like five dogs?

I have- I have no dogs. I had Eddie, Santa's little helper. Well, no, but if you get Jon Snow, it comes with a dog. It comes with a dire wolf. That's why when I picked Daenerys, it comes with the dragons. It's like a package deal. Doug Funny.

Oh, Doug Funny's good. Oh, that's good. Morticia Adams. Morticia's great. I thought Ray Barone, Ray Romano's character, would be kind of a, you know, a sports writer, get you into games if you're a kid. I had Kenny Powers on there for Dad

just because it would have been a fun little life. I had Dan Conner for Dad. But it would be a little too convincing. Great. So amazing picks. Thank you all for doing it. Thank you for having us. We want you to send us yours on Twitter at AllFantasyPod on Twitter.

AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Hit the emails. Sign up for the Patreon for mailbag episodes every month and watch alongs. By this point, you will have known that we did Pumping Iron, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Wow, great movie. And then we kind of stayed in that lane for the second one and did You've Got Mail. For the second one. Yeah, there will be two more next month.

The slack is popping. It's really fun. Everyone's so nice in there. And just we appreciate your support just in general. It's so nice of you to do that, to let us do more AFE stuff. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to super producer Marissa.

Scream, scream, scream. The Mississauga madman herself. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out. Big shouts. Big shouts.

Shout out to Luka Doncic's nacho plate. His bad tattoo. Shout out to his bad tattoo. He took off the undershirt. He's just letting the arms fly now. It's great. Just flabbing around. Yeah.

Bingo winging. Bingo! I got bingo wings for days. Shout out to Isaac Lee and Jason Gallagher's Halleluka. Incredible. That was amazing. What a viral moment. I teared up.

Yeah. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity. There you go, buddy. next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything. Sure. Clackety. There you go, buddy. That was a HeadGum Podcast.