All Fantasy Everything - Action Movie Hero Names (w/ Chris Martin)

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

No, not that Chris Martin — the better one.Guest:Chris Martin (X @chrismcomedy, IG @chrismcomedy)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mai...lbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:02:14 I'm your host Ian Carwell. Car-ma-car-well. Ooh. I'm Ian Carwell, dude. Sir Ian Carwell. I'm Sir Ian Carwell. And joining me as always are Chantel Jordan. And David, don't call, god, it's too early.
Starting point is 00:02:34 It's too early for me to call. And David, hold on. And David, suede sheets Borey. Oh man, I wish that I had the body temperature for Swede Sheets. Yeah. I feel like, who does? But maybe if you're like fucking in Sweden,
Starting point is 00:02:54 if you're fucking in the northern woods of Sweden waiting to see Aurora Borealis. Right. I think Swede Sheets are just called blankets, aren't they? I don't know if anybody's got a Swede. Chris, you can talk whenever. Now the podcast is happening. This is when it starts.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Ah, I prepped a lot on suede sheets. Just in, I was, my brain was going, I can't even picture a suede sheet. That's not a real thing. No, it's not. Not yet. Well. Patent pending.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Let's go 25% each on that. I can't imagine it. Let me ask you this. I have been wanting to get new sheets. Where do I go? I want to get nice ones. Threshold, Target, we might be... Amazon.com We might be sponsored by one of those companies, you know.
Starting point is 00:03:32 So I don't want to say the ones. Well, doing the adreads on a weekly basis, we are not. Okay, so Brooklinen... Brooklinen. Are you like a thread count guy? I found when I chased the thread count, I've been disappointed. Dude, you will feel it.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Like when I get the highest possible, oh my gosh. I don't want, so we were at Laura's aunt and uncle's and they had sheets that felt like they were sliding off of me. I didn't like it. They formed to me, which I didn't like. Yeah, they were something. They were doing too much.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Snippery sheets. They were. They were like spider webs like a big it was it was too much. Hang on the spider webs slip off you. You said it like spider webs slip off you. You haven't seen me try to rob a bank before dude. Chris you don't know there's a curse on his family. You can't see his reflection either. Spider webs in America are different to the UK. They slide in the US. He saw a child drown and now he doesn't have a reflection. So. He weighs nothing.
Starting point is 00:04:31 If he steps on a scale, nothing happens. My dog can't see him. It's like the whole thing. Yeah. If he walks by a candle, the candle goes out. Unless it's not lit, then it lights up. That's amazing. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:04:47 It's what it feels like walking around Los Angeles being not famous most days. Yeah, absolutely. He turns hot, soup, cold. He turns cold, soup, hot. He shouts, I'm going. Isaac, I just got a text message from our producer, Isaac, who has woken up and is slept through three alarms and will be joining us at some point. How old is your producer? This is not that early.
Starting point is 00:05:08 See, now we can talk shit. Old enough to party. Now that we know he's all right. He's 28. That's too late on a Saturday. I mean... No, I was with you when you were 28. Oh, 28. Actually, I'm old.
Starting point is 00:05:23 You weren't sleeping through stuff. I wasn't sleeping through Oh. Actually, I'm the oldest. I was with you when you were 28, and you weren't sleeping through stuff. I wasn't sleeping through stuff. Sometimes, though. I did sleep through one appearance on a Portland area news program that they continue to give me shit for every time I go back. Really? I forget which one it was.
Starting point is 00:05:37 And what does this have to do with what kind of sheets I want? So let's go back to that sheet. I just wanted to confirm that Isaac was indeed okay. Right. Brooklyn and is one of the companies and they sponsor all kinds of podcasts. So if you put in just like Google podcast offer code
Starting point is 00:05:51 Brooklyn and you know what I mean? Type in WTF, WTF, exactly. And then you'll get like half off your sheets or something like that. But yeah, you can't chase the thread. No, I just feel like a nice. And then I went bamboo for a minute and that also didn't get it where I wanted it.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah. What are you on now? What are you on now? Oh, just some standard Target threshold. They're really soft. They're cheap. I got like three, four sets. They're pretty good.
Starting point is 00:06:17 I kind of think you can't go... How often do you change your sheets? Like... New ones? Like just like in the rotation of washing. How often do you wash them? for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while.
Starting point is 00:06:28 I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while.
Starting point is 00:06:34 I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while.
Starting point is 00:06:41 I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for a while. I've been in the bathroom for, yeah. This just came up the other day and I told Laura, I was like, I mean, honestly, there were places where I don't know if I changed the sheets the whole time I lived there. Straight up.
Starting point is 00:06:51 Well, you gotta, there's a mitigating circumstance which is how often were the sheets on the actual mattress? Cause a lot of the times it was just me sleeping directly on a mattress. I used to use a comfortable sheet. Which is so nasty now that I think about it. It's so gross. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I used to live with a guy, and I'd always have other comedians come back drunk and sleep in his room when he wasn't there in his bed. And he was so weird. I was like 24, and he's like, why you having all this gross? I go, just relax, dude, relax. Now I'm like over 30.
Starting point is 00:07:17 I'm like, that was so gross. There was so, like people were doing horrible things in this guy's bed. Yeah, a massive violation. Even just sweating out ecstasy. You know what I mean? That was like the least gross thing they were doing horrible things in this guy's bed. Yeah. A massive violation. Even just sweating out ecstasy. You know what I mean? That was like the least gross thing they were doing on the mattress. Well, going in a different adult's bedroom is just a weird enough thing to me.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Anymore. Like, the older I am, I don't like going into anyone's bedroom except mine. Well, especially because once you walk into a bedroom, the lights start flickering. Yeah, that's the problem. All the candles light up and then like, this actually comes full circle circle because just before I came on here, I did have to change the sheets and I asked my wife to put the yellow one as the little cover. Top sheet. Yeah, whatever the top sheet. Yeah, I just call it a duvet cover.
Starting point is 00:07:55 You don't use duvet anyway. We say duvet. I'm surprised you do given the British relationship with France. It was very near to France. We said we hate them to their face, but secretly we're whispering their words behind their back. We're saying duvet. When you guys say duvet, you're talking about, I want a bunch of coffees, duvet?
Starting point is 00:08:14 I don't understand that. Boy, boy, you just met the man. Wait, was that rude? Duvet? I don't get it. I still don't get it. Do you like to be sexy? I don't get it it. I just laughed at a politeness, but you said the intonation in a way. Oh, do they instead of do they. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, do they want some coffee? It's honestly very funny. Sorry about my high brow humor. The fact that David
Starting point is 00:08:39 didn't get the joke either. I mean, I had to come. I would have, I just pretend to get all jokes. I just find it's easier in life. I'm trying to understand more about the world. So I would have, I just pretend to get all jokes. I just find it's easier in life. I'm trying to understand more about the world, so I just have to ask the questions now. That's a superpower. Like, I don't know. I do it all the time. I don't know, tell me what this is. I have to know.
Starting point is 00:08:54 I stopped traffic for, Aquifer, I stopped traffic for that like a week ago. I didn't know what an Aquifer was. It's good to do. I don't know what that is either, so you're gonna. Were you guys in traffic talking about underground water supplies? No, we were on this. I'm just saying I stopped everyone from talking because I didn't know what that is either, so you're gonna... Were you guys in traffic talking about underground water supplies? No, we were on this. I'm just saying I stopped everyone from talking
Starting point is 00:09:08 because I didn't know what an aquifer... It is an underground reservoir of water. Aquifers drinking. Aqua's for... Aqua for drinking. Oh, no. Oh, no. What's aquifer? It's for drinking. Is it... Oh, geez. Yeah, okay. I'm so... We're trying to get everybody to tune out before we get to the actual podcast. We're a lot less funny on this than in real life, I think. No, no, no, yeah, okay. I'm so pissed off. We're trying to get everybody to tune out before we get to the actual podcast. We're a lot less funny on this than in real life, I think.
Starting point is 00:09:27 No, no, no, no, no. It's my kind of podcast. It's pretty similar. It is that kind of podcast. It is that kind of podcast. And aquifers are like a, what, an underground water source, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:37 Would an aqueduct take water from the fur to the land? I just know aqueduct from ancient Greece. Now we're out of my depth. I think aqueduct is fur to table land? I just know aqueduct from ancient Greece. Now we're out of my depth. I think aqueduct is fur to table. There we go. I like that one. That was a good one. The man who was out of his depth is Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Yes, sir.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Sean, Sean the microphone. Live in Denver tonight. Yeah, Isaac, when's this come out? I'm kidding, you slept through your alarm. He slept through it. He will be joining us and it's gonna be really fun to give him a show when he gets here. Believe tonight we are doing a live all fantasy everything standup show and I have the lineups
Starting point is 00:10:17 of all this stuff right in front of me. So I'm gonna go ahead. Yeah, I'm looking. So standup show tonight is gonna be in Denver. It's gonna be at HQ, which I think is the old Three Kings. Yeah, I'm looking. So, stand-up show tonight is gonna be at, in Denver it's gonna be at HQ, which I think is the old Three Kings, right David? Yep. David, do you know the line up yet?
Starting point is 00:10:31 Cause I think I'm finding out for the first time right here. I do not. I just went to the website though. I'm also finding out when my shows are. Stand-up show, Mike Carroza, Brittany Carney, Adam Posse, Amy Miller, Rob Hayes, and then your three boys. What the fucking line up? I know it's crazy. That's gonna go crazy. That's hot product right there. So, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show,
Starting point is 00:10:45 we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show,
Starting point is 00:10:57 we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, we've got the show, Saturday night, live AFE with a one Adam, Kate and Holland. So. The ACH himself. Yeah, the man, the myth behind the festival. So all of those shows, tickets are on sale now.
Starting point is 00:11:10 We'll post about them today, start posting, but now there's individual tickets. Wait, this is tonight, so sorry, whatever. Those shows are this weekend, so come see us. It's gonna be fantastic. Exclusive merch at the podcast tapings. So we'll see you in Denver. That's gonna be great.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah. It's gonna be a good time. That sounds great. I'm gonna ride my bike over. I'm gonna get a bike while I'm there. You wanna go on a bike ride? Yes! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:35 100%, we can rent one. Dude, seriously, City Park, they rent them over there. It's such a pretty ride around City Park. I can't wait. We're going on a bike ride, Chris. Sorry, dude. Sorry to leave you out. Unless you wanna find a Denver on, Chris. Sorry, dude. Sorry to leave you out. Unless you want to find a Denver on the 19th.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Come on. Just to get on the back of a bike with you. Yeah. You can have your own bike. They have side by side tandems too. In my fantasy, I'm on Ian's shoulders. And he's on my shoulders. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:58 With no bike. Or sitting on backwards on the handlebars, making eye contact with me the whole time we're riding. I've never been able to ride a bike with even a tinier person sharing. I can't, I've realized I'm not good at riding bikes. I can't do no hands. Can't do no hands. Can't have anyone on the handlebars. Really? Can you do people on the pegs? No pegs. No people. I have also crashed a moped into a restaurant before, so that's probably why I'm not the best person to I have also crashed a moped into a restaurant before, so that's probably why I'm not the best person to be cycling on any vehicle.
Starting point is 00:12:26 You crashed a moped into a restaurant? Yeah, yeah, in Thailand. Somebody said a restroom. Restaurant. No, into a restaurant, into a restaurant in Thailand. When I was 19, I don't know if you've ever been to Thailand, there's loads of dumb tourists with injuries. And I was like, why is he, idiot's all injured.
Starting point is 00:12:42 I was like, moped. And I was like, I won't let that happen to me. Lo and behold, two days later, I drove into an open plan restaurant while people were eating at dinner, smashed into a big plant pot. I was still revving on the floor. That was the best bit. I was still revving. Cause if you ever try to press the brake on a moped when you panic, you don't let go of
Starting point is 00:13:01 the clutch. So there you go. I can't stop. Too much snake blood on the floor. My friend says it's the funniest thing he's ever seen in his life. Did you feel pressure to go in and then eat at that restaurant?
Starting point is 00:13:11 Like I made my entrance. I feel like- Table for one. You're just laying on the ground. Sorry, I thought it was a drive through. You know, I wanted to say all that stuff, but really I just was very apologetic. And I actually broke the owner's brand new bike
Starting point is 00:13:28 outside it, and so I was ashamed. Couldn't go back in. You brought great shame. Brought great shame. I would say to the entire United Kingdom, you brought great shame. Well, that's a bit far, isn't it? And you've ruined your-
Starting point is 00:13:40 You brought the first British man to crash a moped in Thailand. Yeah, mate. It's a roped in Thailand. Yeah, mate. It's a right passage. David Borey is here, Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. He too will be at the High Plains Comedy Festival this weekend, but where else can people see you? They can see me there.
Starting point is 00:13:58 They can also go to patreon.com backslash David Borey and buy my special Birth of a Nation. We're doing good numbers over there. We have a fun little community. There's like 50 some videos right now, including interviews with Ian and Sean backstage stuff, travel vlogs, all kinds of fun shit, old sets and stuff that I've done. It's all very good. Go buy that.
Starting point is 00:14:23 I have some other dates, but I can't find them. I will be at Cap City soon. Yeah, nice. In Austin. In the punchline in Philly. I have some other stand up dates, I don't know man. That's why you have a website, take a look. Yeah, I don't have a website.
Starting point is 00:14:40 That's why I have a website. I post your dates on there. I don't have a website. I put your dates on my website, that's why I have a website. I post your dates on there. I don't have a website. I put your dates on my website. That's why I look busier. And honestly, as the hours come together, I would suggest coming to see me in about six months. Right now, let's just lead on the draw that the club has.
Starting point is 00:14:56 I know what you mean. Let's get... I want strangers there. Yeah, I do want strangers there though. Of course. That's the best thing about a club people. They've never mm-hmm It's also the worst thing about It's the best and the worst thing if you have strangers who you know, there's someone put a really I forget I can't remember someone put a really funny tweet or Facebook up going you go to a club and they're like, oh, that's that's crazy
Starting point is 00:15:19 Johnny spanks the waitress his ass and shouts profanities and heckles every show. He comes every week He spanks the waitress's ass and shouts profanities and heckles every show. He comes every week. And I had literally that. Ian, where you and I was at House of Comedy BC and you'd been there months earlier. And there was a guy in a Hawaiian show who was actually fine.
Starting point is 00:15:34 And they were, that's John. Yeah, we have to kick him out most weeks. But we didn't kick him out this week. I was like, lucky Chrissy. He didn't get kicked out. But yeah, anyway. Comedy fans are interesting people. Yeah, especially the I'm going every week comedy fans.
Starting point is 00:15:49 God bless that kind of person. Every week. Every week, regardless of who's showing, it's just like you like the art form. Just the word comedy, I like it so much. I just love to laugh. That has a comedy in Vancouver. Sean was with me.
Starting point is 00:16:02 It's a very interesting club. It's like in an old theater. Is it Rick Fronson? Did you talk about how weird the neighborhood was? I feel like everyone did the same local, but I said to them, guys, I thought I was going to be in Vancouver. We're in a suburb called New Westminster and the five minute walk from my condo to the gig. I've never been more scared in my life of just so many people who pour them out of it. But also just probably 17 bridal shops. It was just bridal wear and people who might take your money for substances.
Starting point is 00:16:39 It was a weird vibe. It seemed like a randomly generated, like, you know how you go through like most neighborhoods or like suburbs and you're like, this makes sense. I can see what's going on over here. That seemed like randomly generated. Like a bunch of numbers got spit out and it was like, bridal shop, bridal shop, bar. Like a nine year old on like rollercoastered tycoon or something. And somehow got into New Westminster and just started popping up random. It was
Starting point is 00:17:05 such a weird little neighborhood. Yeah. And it seems like it used to be a more like walkable area. Cause like where that comedy club is, like it feels like it used to be a vaudeville theater or something like that, just by the dimensions inside. You know what I found out? The staff ruled. It was very nice. It was a theater, then it was a strip club, then it's a comedy club. And then just down the street there is a theater that is also now a strip club. Basically, if it's a theater, then it was a strip club, then it's a comedy club. And then just down the street, there is a theater that is also now a strip club.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Basically, if it's a theater in that part of the world, at some point, there will be some women on the stage. That's a classic trajectory in general. That's how they do it. Yeah. High art, middle art, standup comedy. Oh, it's haunted too, right? The club they say is haunted.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Sophie was telling us that. Haunted by my bad jokes off of Stephanie. Yeah, we are. We were pretty, I mean Vancouver. I had a great time. Fucking great city. You went to Granville Market, right? You gave me a great tip.
Starting point is 00:17:58 I went to Granville Market. I ate some mango stuff. It was good. It was good. We walked around outdoors a lot. It was good. It was good. We walked around outdoors a lot. It was beautiful. You, Chris Martin, Chris M Comedy on Twitter. What is it on Instagram?
Starting point is 00:18:11 Which is more important. I should start looking at it. Do you know what? It's at Chris M Comedy and all of them, but I've permanently regretted having comedy in the title. It just sounds a bit, hey, I'm funny. But because the guy from Coldplay. Is it good now?
Starting point is 00:18:25 I think so. I think more people are... Comedies? When I first started, everyone was like, you can't have comedy in there. But now it's like, why not? It makes it easier for people to find you. It doesn't mean... I don't see anything bad about it anymore.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Thank you. Ten years ago, it was weird. Okay. I have the guy from Coldplay, so that's why I have to... I did that initially and then I still get people who just think I'm in Coldplay, so that's why I have to, I did that initially and then I still get people who just think I'm in Coldplay, so I don't know what to do. I couldn't make it more explicitly clear. Popping change my name.
Starting point is 00:18:51 It's never gonna go away, I don't think. Nah. When you say Coldplay, you mean Will Champion, right? The drummer? I mean that guy. Will Champion. You have to kill him Highlander style. The drummer's name is Will Champion.
Starting point is 00:19:04 That should be the lead singer's name. That's a good name. They should have swapped names. Nothing wrong with the name Chris Martin. Actually, you know what? Chomps. Chomps, dude, champs. Chris, Chris M. Comedy on every outlet.
Starting point is 00:19:14 You're gonna be in Portland, Oregon soon. Where else are you gonna be? Where can people see you? This is coming out September 19th. Beautiful. I'll be in Portland on the 25th and then Seattle on the 26th and then in Tucson, Arizona that weekend and then I'm in Asheville in October. It's on the website.
Starting point is 00:19:35 The website, I've actually just changed that. It used to be chrismartincommedy.co.uk but Americans are like, you guys are like, I'm nowhere I'm putting an extra dot and more letters at the end it's too much we didn't come save your ass in ww2 the big one to have to put another dot in our website you know what i don't know though it's such a dumb thing that british people have dot co dot uk it's like the internet goes all around the world it's very british to be like we're gonna have it's for the uk i only want british people looking at my stuff. So I've
Starting point is 00:20:06 made it acrismartin.com. Acrismartin.com. I like that. He can be the Chris Martin and you're a Chris Martin. There we go. I'll take it. I'll take it every day of the week. To me, you're the Chris Martin. Thank you, mate. Thank you. Apart from when the other one was on the show, we weren't on the show and he was the Chris Martin. It was a very stressful time when the Chris Martin was on the show. Can we talk about this now?
Starting point is 00:20:27 Yes. He... I wasn't there for this, but I heard this story. You weren't there yet. But it's a famous story. We were like Coldplay, we're like, we want to do something with the show. We want to do something with the show. So me and Louie, the guy who I wrote a ton of stuff with, a fellow...
Starting point is 00:20:43 Brit. Son of England. A fellow racist, a fellow colonialist. And we wrote a bunch of stuff together and we got put on the Coldplay account as it were. And we pitched them this big idea where they were going to play, oh, they thought they were playing the Greek,
Starting point is 00:21:04 but it turns out they were actually playing this Greek restaurant in East Hollywood. And so we were gonna set up this thing where they played on the back of a truck and ended up playing a live concert in, I forget the name of the restaurant, but this Greek restaurant there in East Hollywood. And we got to the day of the shooting,
Starting point is 00:21:22 and that takes a lot of work. You have to get permits, we had to rent this stuff. Everything got approved, it was all good to go? It got approved, we went through 10 day of the shooting, and that takes a lot of work. You have to get permits. We had to rent this stuff. Everything got approved, it was all good to go? It got approved, we went through 10 versions of the script, all this work. The whole time, Corden's like, I'm not sure they're gonna do this. I don't think that, I don't think this is gonna,
Starting point is 00:21:39 because he knows those guys, and they're good dudes, but he's like, it's weird that they said they're gonna do this. And we were on calls with like their manager, Zooms, all this stuff, and it got to the day of. And, you know, we're all ready to go. We have like all the sets built. There's people like at the Greek restaurant, ready to go. We have this like big truck with a stage attached
Starting point is 00:22:03 to the back of it, ready to go, all this shit. And I forget who, one of the producers walked in, they're like, yeah, they pulled the plug. What are you doing? The day after, and the story we got was that at the time, the other Chris Martin, the one in the band, was dating Dakota Johnson and that they had broken up and that like he couldn't do it.
Starting point is 00:22:25 He was just emotionally distraught and so he couldn't film the sketch. But it never broke, news never broke. And they were together up until about a week ago now. And then they actually broke up. So I think they gave us some bullshit. They were like, oh yeah, Chris. But he still came on the show
Starting point is 00:22:42 and he still sat on the couch and did all that shit. But they just did, I think what happened is the other members of Coldplay found out about this idea and they were like We're not fucking doing that interest. I don't want to fucking yeah play in a Greek restaurant in the back of a truck But I'm not I'm not saying I'm better than him But if you want me to play in a Greek restaurant in I'll play in a Greek restaurant for you I'll perform in any group. I've actually performed probably in way more Greek restaurants in my time than I'd like to have performed in. You get free kebabs, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:23:09 I'll be at the Greek restaurant October 19th. Go to DavidBourie.com for tickets. Yeah, he'll be at the Greek. But that's just, that kind of shit happened in late night more than you would know, where you get to the finish line on a sketch and it gets the plug pulled. Anytime anything gets made in Hollywood at all,
Starting point is 00:23:24 it's a fucking miracle. I mean, I remember that day, we've talked about it before, but when you had to go to Jamie Foxx's house and then just nobody answered or whatever. And you're like, I'm leaving. Oh, I do remember that. We were driving back from Vegas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Yes. And you were like, I have to, we were like, thank God we're home from Vegas. And you're like, I have to go to Jamie Foxx's tomorrow. We're like, champagne problems. And then you get over there and you're like, he's not fucking here, I'm coming home. Jamie Foxx's tomorrow. We're like champagne problems, and then you get over there and you're like, he's not fucking here, I'm coming home. Jamie Foxx wanted to get back into standup
Starting point is 00:23:49 and was meeting with writers. He is now. He is now back in the standup. Yeah, it's coming out soon, I think. And he wanted to meet with writers, and so my agency set me up to meet with Jamie Foxx, and I drove up to, I'll say Malibu, and that's as specific as I'll get, like that area.
Starting point is 00:24:05 It was out there. This fucking crazy compound where like I stopped at the gate and I hit the button for like 15 minutes and it didn't open, but it was like an hour and a half drive because it was like a Friday to Malibu. And I was like, well, and then it finally just opened. And I was like, and I drove up this long winding road and you get to the top and you're like, well, somebody rich lives here. And I do think this is Jamie Foxx's
Starting point is 00:24:30 house. And like, I get to the top and I get out of my car, a busted S Prius with no bumper, and nobody comes out to greet me. So I'm just like sitting there now up at the top and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I get out of my car and I walk up to the front door and ring the doorbell, nobody answers. And then I start looking around, like the garage doors are open, so I look at them. And there's no people, there's like not a groundskeeper or anything, you're just a studio.
Starting point is 00:24:56 There's nobody, there's nothing. But the house, it looks like somebody was at it recently. And like. There's a lit cigarette out front, like somebody was just here. Exactly. And I go and like ring the doorbell again. And then finally, like somebody who works at the house,
Starting point is 00:25:10 like the house manager or like a maid or something, opens the door and I'm like, I'm here to meet with Jamie Foxx. And she's like, okay. And she brings me inside and sits me in the kitchen. And again, there's like food, there's bowls of food in the kitchen. It's like, get in woman. It's like. Get in more, man.
Starting point is 00:25:26 It's like he forgot he had a meeting, and was like, fuck, I don't wanna do this right now. And he ran and hid upstairs. And hid a room, and he was like, let him just walk around and then leave. And then I was there for like 45 minutes, just sitting in his kitchen. And it was definitely Jamie Foxx's house,
Starting point is 00:25:42 because I like, he has a wall with his awards on on it and I got a call from my agent 45 minutes after I was sitting in his fucking like kitchen being like, Oh, he had to go pick up his daughter. He's not going to make it today. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? So I drove all the way up there and back for nothing, but I sat in his living room. I mean, you drove up for something. You should have took something. Mate, you know what, mate? Do you know what? You failed the test to become his writer. Once you get in the house, you've got to make your way up the stairs. And if you do that, he wants risk takers.
Starting point is 00:26:11 He doesn't want conservative, boring writers. You've got to scale the stairs, kick his door in, go, here's some fucking jokes, Jamie Foxx. And he goes, you've got the job. Don't even need to hear the jokes. You've got Moxie. You've got Moxie. Is it a bathtub? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:24 Welcome. He's just got champagne for you. You got it to the final level. The jet leaves tonight. I'm sorry Jamie Foxx. I'll let you down. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel. Every platform. IanCarmel.com. Buy t-shirts at Wim Club. Come see us at High Plains Comedy Festival. That's it! Oh, well look who is here! I'm so sorry. I've been here for 10 minutes but I missed the timing. High Plains Comedy Festival. That's it So sorry, I've been here for 10 minutes when I missed the timing Who's decided to join us? I'm so sorry guys. I have no
Starting point is 00:26:57 Funny, you know, I just woke up. I just woke up and I have no excuse I have no excuse I just went I went to sleep at like 11 p.m And then I woke up in the middle of the night at like 430, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I set three alarms for this podcast, and I still slept through it. David was thinking you were getting some, some, some morning, some morning guts, dude.
Starting point is 00:27:18 That's what I was thinking. That's the most optimistic, uh, interpretation of my tardiness, I think. Optimist. We were all ho— It was all tardiness, I think. Optimist. We were all hope. It was all of our hope. It was a collective hope. I appreciate that very much. I can only think about what type of sheets have you got, dude?
Starting point is 00:27:33 That's a good question. What type of sheets do you have? There's a reason. It's not come out of nowhere. I do have very soft sheets. Except ones that are covered in sexual juices. I invested in very soft like Egyptian thread sheets What's your count?
Starting point is 00:27:47 Like a hundred and twenty don't act like you don't know gotta be higher than that It can't be that no like some thread count inflation is real though. That's like a real thing I watched a whole YouTube about it after the last time I got burned. Yeah But you Sean's in the market for some sheets that he wants to get. I believe the term you used was sexual juices, Sean? No, I was saying, I was asking what's on, what is kind of sheets, what did I say? I don't know, I said sexual juices, I can't remember why. It was a joke about Isaac having sex.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Nice. It was very funny. I appreciate it, Isaac, thank you. That means a lot to me. You put some gas in the tank for the shows tonight. Thank you. I'm really sorry guys. Um, is everyone recording themselves?
Starting point is 00:28:30 You know we are. Okay, thank you so much. We're in there. I don't know. I think it was just because it was so hot yesterday. Yeah. That like my body couldn't regulate temperature. Yeah, it's like 105 today too. It was 109 yesterday.
Starting point is 00:28:44 I'm wearing a hoodie baby. It was 109 And I'm off to, I'm off to a wedding in the desert after this. That's great. No, you're fucking bonkers, dude. That's going to be crazy. Are you going to wear tank tops? It's tough. I'm not going to wear a tank top. Proper British guy on vacation. Oy, oy! Dressed like Bricktop Tony. It's supposed to be, it's love themed wedding, so you gotta, it sounds like we're all gonna have an orgy. As opposed to a hate themed wedding. I was gonna say.
Starting point is 00:29:14 No, it's like... Mine was Avengers themed, so I mean, I get it. Mine was actually action star themed, which I guess is relevant. Whoa! Was it really? That is relevant to what we're drafting. We had table, each table just had a picture of a different action star actor.
Starting point is 00:29:29 So the top table was Liam Neeson, and there was like Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and our first dance was poor Unika Beza from True Lies. It's tango, but you know. It's a tango that Arnie does with Tia Carrera. Best type of tango. Best type of tango. When you go up to the Liam Neeson table
Starting point is 00:29:47 and you pull a chair out, you know what you say? Is the seat taken? That's good, I thought you were gonna say, I will look for you, I'll find you, and I'll kill you. That's a weird thing to say, just don't want you to grab a sheet. I just consulted Schindler's List and I'm on this table. There's another way you can do it, not really an action.
Starting point is 00:30:04 You mix up story lines and you pull the seat out like my wife just died, like love actually. Schindler's List and I'm on this table. Is there another way you can do it? Not really an action movie. We believe in you. You make some story lines and you love actually, you pull the scene out like my wife just died. Like love actually. So funny. Like guys got rain. Love actually, my best friend tells me he's in love with my wife and then I go.
Starting point is 00:30:18 I'm telling you that movie. That's love baby. That movie is a horror movie. When you look at all those things, it's crazy that they theme some of those in such a funny light. Me and my wife when we're drunk, often do the act out of Andrew Lincoln
Starting point is 00:30:32 after he says he loves Keira Knightley and a Dido comes in, he does this thing where he just keeps looking back and going, ah, ah, like that and then just, ah, and just walks off. But you can time it perfectly to die though, if you've got literally nothing else going on in your life. So that's something, it's a free thing for you guys.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Well, it's germane that we're drafting, that you had an action movie star theme wedding, because that is what we are drafting today. We are drafting action movie hero names. Which is a fabulous topic. At first, I picture like a lot of villain names is what I'm trying to do with this. See, I'm wondering.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Yeah, the hero can be the, I was gonna bring this up. I think we gotta allow villain names. Chris might be your, or not? Do you say no? Maybe not, maybe not. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think we'll allow, because when I was texting you, Ian, can we just say the thing that was fun in our text exchange? Because I was like, action star, hero names.
Starting point is 00:31:33 And you just went, what, like Batman? And I went, well, that's boring. But I was like, but then you said Incredible Hulk is a good name. That's true, but I felt that's a bit, it feels a bit root one. Those are superhero movies. Yeah, yeah. And superheroes don't count as action stars. Thank you. No, thank you
Starting point is 00:31:53 David Banner is a good name. Come on. So David Banner once at the armory and Sioux Falls, South Dakota, baby Good show good show band man. Keep doing what you do a bit of the villain names, though I think if you can pair it, if it's a nice pairing, you know, like a wine pairs well with a cheese or something, you pair it nicely with the hero names. So there's obviously, Ian, in the text exchange, I did use, I'm not gonna say them, because I guess someone might say these names.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Somebody might say the names. Of course we will, yeah. I think they're the big ones. We know the names. We know. Let's just jump right into it with both feet. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors,
Starting point is 00:32:27 played between the three of you. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. On shoot we throw it. We throw it on shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins! A paper against two scissors,
Starting point is 00:32:40 an unnatural victory flying in the face of God, but he is the odd man out. David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that?
Starting point is 00:32:53 It's a great question. In action movies, a lot of times, the cops show up to the building, and they gotta clear, especially if it's a department building, they gotta clear the floors. So what they do is they start, they gotta clear all the rooms on the floor. First they gotta secure the perimeter. I just wanna jump in front of that.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Well first they have to reconnoiter the perimeter. And then they secure it. The reconnoiter has to happen first. I gotta stop. I looked up, okay, I have to tell you this. It's a great one. I looked up reconnoiter two nights ago and I told Laura that I looked it up
Starting point is 00:33:24 because I was like, what does reconnoiter mean? I was just sitting on the couch thinking that. And I was like, I'm going to use that soon. And that was a perfect chance to use it. I didn't have to tell you that, but I wanted to tell you that. I loved it. Anyway, so I reconnoitered the perimeter, secured the perimeter, and then you go in and you clear every room on the first floor, then you go up the opposite staircase, go back the other way, clear every room on the second floor. By clear the room, I mean look for the villain,
Starting point is 00:33:50 the culprit, the perp in the room. Find they're not there, and then you go to the third floor, clear all the rooms. So just back and forth until you get to the top, and then you fight the final boss, hopefully. Then you find Jamie Foxx just in a bathtub. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I've been waiting. Tell me a good joke. No! I bet he does bath. I bet he takes baths. That is a bath man. I bet he calls it bathing too. I'm going to bath. I feel like your first instinct, if somebody's a bath man or not, is correct.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Like I'll just, here, let me toss out some names. George Clooney. Bath man. Bath man for sure, right? Okay. Did he play bath man in the Joel Silver version? Correct. Like I'll just here. Let me toss out some names George Clooney For sure, right? Okay Glenn Close
Starting point is 00:34:39 To Roger P. Henson Bath. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think like big, I think probably like a big bath. Bath under water, I think. Yeah, I think like excellent bath, like bath bombs, maybe some petals. Almost where it's like the water is viscous in a way that regular water isn't because of all the additives, you know?
Starting point is 00:34:56 Maybe like a salt water bath. Oh, I know what you mean, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, it nourishes, you come out like, you're not moist because of the water, you're moist because of what was in the water almost Like she's soaking in some kind of a syrup Taylor Swift Shower, I think hard hot shower. I think I'm not shower to share like post NBA practice shower
Starting point is 00:35:19 Giving it that. That with the arms. I think like, head against the wall. Yeah. Yeah. The head on the wall. Full hands through hair, slowly. Yeah. Just like, fucking hey. And then raises her chin to high and just lets it come down on her.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Yeah. Yeah. She had a hard day, man. She had a hard fucking, she played all 48 minutes. Definitely. Definitely The press is out there waiting for an interview. Yeah She turns up the heat let him wait I dropped 40 tonight. Yeah Look at your soundbite
Starting point is 00:36:00 Fucking gamer shuffles out there got a little Her green her arrow on green juice sponsorship Although she's from she's more of a Connecticut. She wouldn't have an arrow on green juice sponsorship. It'd be like an avion. She's from Connecticut Oh, yeah, she grew up on a Christmas tree farm, dude Christmas tree farm. Oh, that's where that's yeah. Yeah, all right, okay Yell at me ever again. I'll scream at you. I'll reconnoiter your perimeter and then I'll scream at you, dude. Wait, I'll get my thread count on. Scream Christmas tree farm. Scream Christmas tree farm. That does sound like some weird code
Starting point is 00:36:35 after the perimeter's been reconnoitered. I would say Christmas tree farm. And then the SWAT team would come in. I think she grew up on a Christmas tree farm. My wife hasn't yelled at me yet to correct me. What the fuck? Oh, basically if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.
Starting point is 00:36:51 That's what it means. Oh, Pennsylvania. Thank you, Zeke. Pennsylvania. But I, Christmas tree farm is correct. She actually grew up on a bonsai tree sanctuary. Bonsai tree sanctuary in Pasadena, California. So you pick fourth in the first round,
Starting point is 00:37:06 you pick first in the Zach round. Now David, with that in mind, what would the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go first. Chris is going to go second. Sean will be third. Ian will be fourth. Hot corner.
Starting point is 00:37:19 I have to admit, I had a clear number one pick and now I'm afraid I'm not gonna get them. Yeah. It's a tough, it's tough. There's a lot of good ones. There's a lot of good ones. So some people are in multiple action movies, some are even in multiple action franchises. When you pick one person's action hero name,
Starting point is 00:37:37 you don't get their catalog. You get this specific person. No, it's movie specific, right? Right, movie, right. It's character specific, yeah. I just don't want, okay, I don't want anyone to be like, well, he got this, so I mean, I guess he also... No, taking one Arnold, we can say Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Taking one Arnold does not eliminate all the other Arnold. You could have done the whole draft on Arnold names. Yeah, exactly. It's honestly a great strategy. I think actually that we should do a spin-off podcast where we just do actor to actor names. I mean, we run out of... Where we go head to head of five episodes, but still.
Starting point is 00:38:06 That's all right, but the biggest five episodes of podcasting ever. Five hits. It's true. Fucking take that, Serial. No, all the names are up for grabs. Okay. Well, I guess I can figure this out.
Starting point is 00:38:19 I wonder, are we going for how cool the name sounds? Are we going for how good the movie, all that stuff at all? I don't think we're going for how good the movie is. No, no way. No, I think we're going for how good the name sounds? Are we going for how good the movie is? All that stuff. Oh, I don't think we're going for how good the movie is. No, no way. No, I think we're going for how good the name is. Good is... Sometimes the name is the best. Sometimes the name is the best bit of some of these movies. And by sometimes more often than not.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Yeah, mostly it's a better name than it is. Um, well, we're going to see right after this short break. Well, we're going to see right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by underdog. Now the NFL season, it is back and our partner underdog wants to make it a lot more exciting for you. Go on and get in there. Just join the millions of fans that play underdog last year with their pick them game. You could win money. I have been winning money. We have been winning money.
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Starting point is 00:41:51 Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy. And we're back, welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. We are drafting action movie hero names, and David Borey has the first pick. I gotta go John J. Rambo.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Yeah, that's a good fucking name. Come on, it's amazing. Yeah. They drew first blood, not him. Oregon's finest. Oregon's finest! Wandering the woods of Oregon. They made him what he is, it's not his fault.
Starting point is 00:42:24 All he did was his job. Rambo him what he is. It's not his fault. Mm-hmm. All he did was his job. Rambo is... What is that? A French name? I think that would be B-E-A-U-X though. It would be, right? This is M-B-O. Rambo is the American bastardization of Rambo. Of Rambo.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Yeah, yeah. You guys couldn't say it properly, so let's make it Rambo. I saw that new movie, Rambo. Yeah, yeah, you guys couldn't say it properly. So let's make it Rambo. I saw that new movie Rambox. John Rambox. That's even a bit of an agey, now you say it. John Rambox. He can ram you and pox you. It makes perfect sense. He can do anything. And he'll fuck your girlfriend afterwards. He can ram you and box you. He can make perfect meds. He can do anything. And a fuck your girlfriend afterwards.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Yeah, John. John Rambox, dude. But it has to be like, there's no, I don't know where else Rambo would come from. It has to be like a perversion of the EAUX. Because it was Stallone, I always assumed he was Italian. You would think so, but I think what's really going on is he's Cajun.
Starting point is 00:43:24 I think this whole time, John Rambo's a crazy Cajun dude. He's, cause he's swarthy. He's swarthy, he could be Cajun. But he's from Oregon, is there a lot of Cajun in those woods? He's wandering Oregon. I don't know that he's, do they say he's from there? Oh, cause I thought he came back home.
Starting point is 00:43:40 I thought that's why he was in Oregon. I think you're right, I think you're right. Hold on, let me see. They put him in a Cajun, he got out. Had to work C he was in Oregon. I think you're right. I think you're right. Hold on, let me see. They put him in a cage and he got out. Had to work cageing in there. Okay, so... I'm a huge fan of your... Sean, I love your punks, man.
Starting point is 00:43:52 I can't stop. Someone put a nickel in me, baby. So the book First Blood was written by David Morrell, uh, who was inspired to name... David Morrell is from Canada, and he was inspired to name the character after Rambo Apples. What? There's a kind of apple called the Rambo Apple,
Starting point is 00:44:12 who were named after Peter Gunnarsson Rambo, who was Swedish. What? He's a Swede? He's a Swede? Rambo's Swedish? Hang on, he's named after a Swedish apple. I'm confused. This is John Rambo. This is not what I thought was going to happen.
Starting point is 00:44:26 It could have been called John Pink Lady. It could have been a very different name. John Red Delicious is a good movie. John Granny Smith. That's a good, you know, granny in quotes. John Envy. John Honeycrisp. You could name almost anyone after an apple. Oh yeah, John Dyer. There's an Arthur J Rambo who's an actual US soldier in Vietnam who never
Starting point is 00:44:55 returned and his name is on the Vietnam War Memorial Wall, but this one is named after the apple which is named after a Swedish guy. So therefore, John Rambo's a Swedish guy, played by Sylvester Stallone. I still take the pig. Absolutely. It's a great name. It's a perfect action hero name.
Starting point is 00:45:17 It's perfect. It's vaguely sexual. One syllable first name is a big part of a great action star name. J name, John Jack. Yeah, strong J. And he has a middle, John J Rambo. Just because I'm on his Wikipedia right now, can I spin off some more Rambo facts for you? Rambo facts?
Starting point is 00:45:38 Yeah. Some BoFacts? Can I drop some more BoFacts on you? Home birthplace, Bowie, Arizona. Go figure. Religion, you ready for this? It's a rare combination. Catholic slash Buddhist.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Classic K-boos, classic K-boos. People talk about the Jew-boos, nobody's talking about the K-boos. Plenty of Jew-boos, you don't hear about the K-boos. His family, his dad, Revis Rambo, his mother, Helga. Revis Rambo. Revis Rambo and his mother, Helga Rambo. So I guess- Revis and Helga.
Starting point is 00:46:15 His aliases, Raven, field name, Lone Wolf, field name, nicknames, Johnny, Boatman, Uncle John, and of course Juanito. What? Juanito Rainbow? He doesn't say that, does he? Oh, it says it, baby. Juanito.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Juanito, he's called that by Hugo Martinez. And that guy's now dead for calling him that. Yeah, yeah, he called him that once. He can't call John Rambo Juanito. He drew second blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a it once. He can't call John Rambo Juanito. He drew second blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a Medal of Honor winner, a Silver Star winner, and it's a Bronze Star winner.
Starting point is 00:46:50 John Rambo. It's a great pick. Yeah, that's sick. It also just sounds like you're getting punched in the face. It sounds like the sound of wet meat slapping together. Have you noticed that in the movies, the amount of people he kills is exponentially risen at the same rate of people getting killed in America. Does he kill like zero people in the first one or one person?
Starting point is 00:47:11 It's like three people in the first one. It's very small. And then one when he's in, is it just called Rambo where he's in like Myanmar and he's just got a turret run. The most recent one? Yeah. And he's just mowing people down. There's something like, in the first like four minutes, the body count eclipses all the other ones put together.
Starting point is 00:47:27 There's something weird like that, where it's just murder the whole time. It follows the Fibonacci sequence. The first one, it's like three, nine, 15, you know, just keeps growing like that. You know, Rambo's a huge Tool fan, so that means. Yeah, you're right. They call it Tool Man, it's one of his aliases.
Starting point is 00:47:45 John Rambles the first pick. Chris Martin, this is your topic. Okay. I think the way to do this is to go more common and get more esoteric. So I'm, I'll keep it John based. Let's go John Matrix. God damn it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Yeah. That's a great one. Yeah. He was on the list. Especially when you think of Bennett, the baddie saying, I'm going to get you matrix. He says that a lot in the film and he wears a, I'm no, it's not the baddie saying, I'm going to get you matrix. He says that a lot in the film. And he wears a, I'm no, it's not the baddie. The baddie wears a metal sort of chain mail for the whole movie that's never addressed.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Yeah. It's just armor. It's a smart thing to wear. But it's got holes in it. It's sort of, it's breathable. What's the thread count on that armor? I want to know. He's a, he's a great, it's one of my favorite action films, and he's one of the best. And it's the first time you see Arnie do a bit of sort of bantery dialogue at the beginning. Can you remember what he says at the beginning? No, I barely.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Can I bum you out? Yeah, no I barely. Can I bum you out? I've never seen it. You've never fucking seen Commando? But you kind of have. You have all people. I know, it's a... It's one of those movies seen Commando? But you kind of have. I know, it's a, it's a. It's one of those movies though where like you kind of have, right?
Starting point is 00:48:49 Like if you have a stepdad, you've seen Commando. Absolutely. I think that's why I've never watched it because I think I get it. But everyone says it's amazing and it's stupid that I've never seen it. He has that four, that's the one where he's got that cube missile launcher, right?
Starting point is 00:49:03 The four banger. Yeah, I gotta watch it. It's the definition of a one man army genre movie because he just takes, basically he takes our whole island on his own and it is one of the most prevalent uses of fun things to say when he kills someone. So-
Starting point is 00:49:21 This is like the urtext when it comes to like 80s action movies. But when you think of get to the choppers from no, that's for predator. It'll come up. But this is one rule. This one has on a plane, he kills a guy supposed to fly him somewhere else and he sneaks off the plane, kills him, puts asleep little blanket over him, says, don't wake my friend. He's dead tired. He drops someone off a cliff, I had to let him go. He says when they ram raid a store
Starting point is 00:49:52 to get army supplies, we're just going shopping. And then at the beginning of the film, my favorite bit- The best one- Oh, go ahead. Say the best one, say the best one, because I'm going to slightly pivot. In my opinion, the best quote is when he picks up a dude and throws him onto an exposed pipe. Oh yes. Which kills him and he says, live off some steam, Bennett.
Starting point is 00:50:10 Yeah, that's the best. It's the best. That's the baddie kill. And steam comes out of his body. It's the best. You're right. Live off some steam. It's fucking great.
Starting point is 00:50:18 So what's the premise of the movie? His daughter gets kidnapped, which is a, just a sort of, that's your ticking off number one on the list of just ultimate, I'm watching that movie. Anyone's daughter gets kidnapped. Don't take the daughter. Kidnaps the daughter after him and his daughter have some very weird small, they happen so quickly, happen so quickly at the beginning. She's making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which he cannot get his head around.
Starting point is 00:50:43 He's like, that's the craziest sandwich anyone's ever made. That's John Matris cannot understand who would eat that. And then he makes small talk by reading about boy George and says, why don't they just call him girl George? It would save all the confusion. That's a, that's a genuine bit of dialogue. And then that's the AC's for you. Somebody did a big rail and wrote that line and they're like, all right, that's
Starting point is 00:51:04 going to be the line of the movie right now. And then so then some ex, then Bennett and his men who used to, they always used to fight together and then they, some point in the past, they used to be in the same Legion or whatever and they kidnap his daughter and then they, he tries to track them down. They stop him, they stun him. They're about to fly him to Florida or something? And then he gets off the plane and kills more people and then gets full into just like army commando stuff, gets to the island, blows everyone up. That's it. You don't even need
Starting point is 00:51:36 to see it, mate. I've nailed it. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. That sounds like I do. Here's the... I am on the Wikipedia again the Wikipedia again. The first is the writer originally the lead role was originally written for Gene Simmons from kiss but he turned it down. There's that would not have worked. Really different movie. In full kiss makeup. Unmentioned for the whole movie. They never bring it up. It's camouflage kiss makeup though. The other is there's a character in this, which I just fuck it.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Carlos Cervantes plays Diaz. And you know it's a good action movie if there's a Latino dude who just goes by his very Latino last name. That's like a hallmark of 80s action movies. Diaz, Sanchez, Martinez, you know? Like just the dude's last name. And he's always hard as hell. You know what, in Aliens, he always says Vasquez.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Bill Paxson, he keeps saying Vasquez in Aliens. And I'm always like, isn't it Vasquez? Anyway, that's always been on my mind. But he's always like, what's up, Vasquez? But he's a hick, you know? Yeah, all right, I suppose. I'll let it go. That was a person.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Acting is about making decisions. That's cool. That's cool. John Matrix, one of the fucking greats. Because also, what is the last name, Matrix? That's not, that's not even, there's no ethnic. There was no movie at that point. It was the first, it was the first use of the word Matrix
Starting point is 00:53:08 in the English language, 1984, whenever it came out. Yeah, the Wachowskis were in wherever they grew up, like interesting. Chicago? Yeah, watching this. Are they from Chicago? I think they're Chicago. I think they're Chicago kids.
Starting point is 00:53:20 But Matrix is like, means master in French, right? Like dominatrix, maybe? Like a female master? Oh, I always thought about it as a math term. You love the Frenchie, and every time you're making it about a Frenchie, you're like, this is the French, the French did this. This is a Frenchophile, man.
Starting point is 00:53:35 It's a big French. I'm a big time Frenchophile. You've got the mustache. You have got a mustache to be fair. I used to have a beret in this very room. I can't find it. Anyway. Anyway, Sean Matrix, it's a great pick.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Sean, time for your first pick. Well, we'll leave the Johns alone for a while. I'm sure they're coming up again. But I'm gonna have to go first pick. I'm gonna go Cameron Poe. Isaac didn't wanna hear it. Isaac's just texted me. The power went out on his entire block.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Not his day. No. No. No. No. No. Not Isaac's day. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Cameron Poe, sorry that was overshadowed. It's a great one. Yeah, classic. It's such a fun, good name. I just. Put the bunny down. Yeah, Cameron Poe.
Starting point is 00:54:28 What are you gonna do? I'm gonna save the fucking day. And then he saves the fucking day. I mean the movie obviously is all around fantastic. Ensemble cast. But he. Crazy cast. Crazy cast, John Malkovich? Chappelle. Chappelle.
Starting point is 00:54:43 Yeah, dude. Steve Buscemi. Danny Trejo, John Cusack. I mean it's nuts. The movie's nuts. Has anyone else never quite understood what they're trying to say about Steve Buscemi in that movie? Because he's like the biggest, he's a child murdering. But then he like hangs out with a girl and doesn't do anything to her and then it's like
Starting point is 00:55:02 actually he's a misunderstood artist. I don't know what the point of his story is. They give him the dumbest, smart guy things to say. Same thing with John Malkovich, where you're like, God, you sound stupid. It didn't even sound smart then. I don't know what they were trying to say with him. Is it like, he's the director of standing
Starting point is 00:55:21 for Roman Polanski, that's what it is. Where he's saying like, it's all time for us to forgive Roman Polanski. I have no fucking clue. I have no idea what, like. Never understood that. Because he is like a child molester, and then at the end it's like, but he's very sweet.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Because Steve Buscemi. He just wanted to play a little make-believe with the girl. That's the problem with Steve Buscemi, is that as an actor, he has such a strong underlying sweetness. Those eyes can say anything. They can say anything.
Starting point is 00:55:45 It's kind of hard to cast him as a villain in any real way because he has this humanity that comes through, right? Yeah, I mean look at Armageddon. I'm not saying picks, but that character, we still all loved him. It was, yeah, a lot of bad jokes in that one. She said she was just someone to have some on the shoulder said she was 18 get out of my face and you're like whoa
Starting point is 00:56:10 Yeah, man, Cameron Poe Nicolas Cage peak action movie Nicolas Cage. He's very very cut in that movie. He's very wet He has long hair. Yes, where so that's probably him as Peak peak of his powers actions action film-wise, right? I think so, for sure. Just after the rock, just after the rock, and then that. He didn't feel like a weirdo yet, you know? I mean, in the movie, you're like, you just think that guy's a really good actor.
Starting point is 00:56:36 You don't think he's a eccentric, you know, steampunk, grave plot buyer kind of guy, you know? You know what's crazy is he won the Oscar the year before. For what? For what? For leaving Las Vegas. Oh, leave Anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the next year he makes Con Air.
Starting point is 00:56:53 That's fucking range right there, dude. It's Con Air and Michael Bay. It is, if it's not, it has to be. The whole movie's. I think so. The whole movie's it does. The budget of the movie, the ending with the plane is wild. Like you just wouldn't get that anymore. You fully crash a plane in North Africa.
Starting point is 00:57:08 It's not Michael Bay, it's Simon West, but it's a Jerry Bruckheimer movie. Okay, okay. So, you know. How many people do you think would die if someone crashed a plane on the strip in Las Vegas? That's the thing where in the movie, it seems like no one dies and you're like,
Starting point is 00:57:22 100,000 people minimum. I mean, there's- I don't know about a hundred thousand people That's a lot of that's if a plane crashed so You're also taking on a so go David. No, I just can't be there would be some kind of evacuation like I don't play Is what I don't know. I don't a hundred thousand is a lot of people man. It's not I think Sean is taking into account people In Vegas is so dumb and drunk. They would see it coming towards him 100,000 is a lot of people, man. That's too many, it's not 100,000. I think Sean is taking into account people in Vegas are so dumb and drunk, they would see it coming towards them
Starting point is 00:57:48 and be like, we'll probably be fine. We'll probably be fine. You'd have seconds to get out of the way. There's traffic, I think it'd be a ton of people. How many people are in a given casino at any time? Maybe 100,000 is a lot. It doesn't knock over any of the casinos, right? Am I remembering?
Starting point is 00:58:02 It lands on the street. I'm saying if it happened for real. In that movie it doesn't, but just picture that happening for real. You've seen a 737, they're gigantic. It would take, the wings would take out buildings. I think a thousand people would die. I don't think a hundred thousand.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Ian Carmel. Are you talking about mid-90s, or are you talking about 2024? Because obviously populations changed in that last 30 years. You've got to count them. There it is. Well there's the difference between a thousand and a hundred thousand right there.
Starting point is 00:58:27 It's the population change. You have to adjust for the win. As a 99... In this economy? There's a hundred times more people in Vegas now than there is. Are we talking a Sunday morning? We're talking a Friday night. What are we talking?
Starting point is 00:58:37 Yeah. There are a lot of questions. Yeah. But anyway. I think a hundred thousand might be a little too ambitious. I heard you the first few times. Find out. Let's test it out. I think a thousand might be too low is what I think How many people live in Sioux Falls?
Starting point is 00:58:48 About two hundred thousand two hundred fifty maybe so you're saying half of the people who live in Sioux Falls would be taken out How many people okay? What if it what if where's the Raiders Stadium at? Lee's that on the strip anywhere. No, it's just across the freeway. Okay. Well, let's say the plane crashed and then glid glided Glided across the freeway 96 there was no allegiance and the sparks and there was a guy with a dirty bomb in a briefcase who wasn't gonna set it off But he was thinking about it and there's the avian catch him on fire Yeah, and so maybe and awards are going on. Yeah Sean's like I'm not pro genocide, but I am pro get my numbers up to a much more achievable level Let me get a number from Isaac real quick without he's coming in blind. Let me ask him this question
Starting point is 00:59:40 If a plane crashed on the Las Vegas strip, how many people do you think would die? Total on the Las Vegas strip. Yes hundreds of thousands now Building if it's if it's crashing into like a hotel A con-air situation to like a hotel that can fit in the street. It's the same. No, no, we're talking strictly a con air situation where it lands on the street. It stops in the street from the bills out. A hotel account? Why doesn't a hotel count?
Starting point is 01:00:09 Of course it's gonna hit a fucking... Because it doesn't hit a hotel. It didn't hit a hotel. I've never seen con air. I've never seen con air. None of this happened. I said if it happened. God damn it, Isaac.
Starting point is 01:00:17 If it did happen, it would hit a hotel. I'm saying if this really happened. I'm not saying if it was a carbon copy. A fucking plane hit the World Trade Center and 100,000 people didn't die. Two planes hit a World Trade Center and like, what, three thousand people died? And you think a hundred thousand? I'm the guy who said, I'm the guy who said a hundred and twenty count for my threads earlier, so I don't think I'm the best mathematical genius here. No, Isaac, you're perfect. Don't backpedal. I think hundreds of thousands is their right name. Anyway, Cameron Poe is a cool name. It's a great name and it also speaks to how, he's an anti-hero, so you can't give him
Starting point is 01:00:50 a hard action hero name, right? Cameron Poe, the lead, not to, okay, John Matrix couldn't be called Cameron Poe. No. For example. Yeah, he's too much. Right. He's not soft at all. Cameron Poe, the whole story, he comes off, he's off duty, he's too much. He's not soft at all. Cameron Poe, the whole story, he comes off, like he's off duty, he's discharged or whatever,
Starting point is 01:01:10 accidentally kills a guy. He just doesn't mean to be this person. He's in a horrible situation, but he can't leave these people. The thing, he has the chance to leave them. He's off the plane, right? And then gets back on, and Monica Potter's like, now that's Cameron. And the whole time John Cusack's wearing sandals with a suit.
Starting point is 01:01:29 He is, man, and I love John Cusack. And it's just such a tough look. And that's back when suits were still like mad billowy. They're billowy again. They are. I like a billowy suit. I like a billowy suit he's wearing. He just went third to the cabs.
Starting point is 01:01:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it got that pissed off guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that's when my... It got that pissed off guy. Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Time for my first pick, and I can't believe I get my number one. This is my number one talent. Scattered him all four years he was in college.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Can't believe he fell to me at fourth. Really feel like a foundational piece to build my team around. I am taking from Escape from New York and Escape from LA. Oh, come on, great one, great one. Snake Plissken. Come on, give me an animal name, baby. Snake?
Starting point is 01:02:09 Give me an animal name and an eye patch and put me in a prison colony. They were, let me fucking surf a tsunami and hang glide into a walled off Manhattan. They wrote Snake Down. Let me pull a gun from in between RuPaul's legs. Yeah. I feel like they wrote Snake Down. Let me pull a gun from in between RuPaul's legs. Yeah. I feel like they wrote Snake Down on a whiteboard,
Starting point is 01:02:29 and they were like, OK, that's a great start, but how do we come up with a last name that goes as hard as Snake? We can't do it. And then somebody brought in the biggest bag of cocaine that you've ever seen in your life, chopped it up on the table, and two hours later somebody wrote
Starting point is 01:02:48 Plissken on the wall in blood. Yeah. I feel like somebody was like, let's name him Snake Skin, and they're like, we can't name him Snake Skin, but if we find another syllable to put in there. Which of those movies did you, because I saw LA first,
Starting point is 01:03:02 and that movie as a whatever whatever nine-year-old boy I think when it came out Scared the fuck out of me. Yeah, I was Scared of LA that movie scared the shit out of me as a little kid. It's fucking terrifying. It's also nuts There's like weird bad CGI in it. Yeah. Yeah Surf it he like hey, Tommy and then he surfs a tsunami and he's like welcome to the human race It's fucking perfect it's insane John Carpenter I think I've only seen one of them I come in which one is it at the end does he have a ridiculous truck that he uses?
Starting point is 01:03:43 To shoot people with or is that a different kind of... I think that's New York. It's New York. There's also, I think he's also got a big truck in a big trouble in a little China, right? Am I wrong? Yeah, that's big trouble. Cause in the, doesn't it end in like the Coliseum or the Forum? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:00 In Escape from LA, doesn't it end in the Forum? In Escape from LA is the one where he, does he voluntarily go in? They take him out of prison. Yeah. Yeah. So you know, that's one of my favorite plot points in any of this. Oh, they got to go get him. They got to go.
Starting point is 01:04:15 This guy's the only guy for the job. And like the rock, that same thing. The rock. We have all those highly trained guys, but they don't, they don't have the moxie. We're going to have to make a deal with the devil to get this job done. Yeah. There's some wild story.
Starting point is 01:04:29 There's escape movies? Which one is it where he shoots, where he's playing basketball? They're like, you need to make like. That's LA too. So there's some story where he, Kurt Russell was like, I'm doing this for real. And they were like, you don't have, we can cut.
Starting point is 01:04:44 And he's like, no, I really want to do it. So he, something like, they had to shoot all day so he could make like five shots in 45 seconds or something. Like he just was set on doing it himself. Which is really interesting. What, that's a man of integrity. It is, but where they're like, man, we could cut around. You know all the union guys are like, come on, bro.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Yeah. Come on. Although, they were probably like, we could not have done you know all the Union guys are like come on bro yeah although they were probably like we get another down yeah yeah right we just have to stand here and watch Kurt Russell play basketball all day yeah I get it with an eye patch on I've had worst days of work yes it was good dude is my number one pick Kurt Russell and I'm going I'm going back to back with honestly my two number one picks with my second one. I'm taking a role played famously by Pam Grier. Damn it.
Starting point is 01:05:34 Who inspired a rapper of the same name. I'm taking Foxy Brown. Great pick. I have a black exploitation pick as well. Fucking deep. Also Pam Grier. Woo hoo hoo hoo. You want it?
Starting point is 01:05:47 I mean. Shout out Denver's finest, baby. In an argument, I thought that the internet cut out. I didn't think. Yeah, so did I. Did it all cut out? No, you just couldn't handle thinking about Pam Grier. You just left speechless by that rockier body.
Starting point is 01:06:05 There was a moment, there's a moment where you think, where like I turned into the I'm trying to be respectful meme. Like I, like. Your hand was just off the low back. She might be the hottest woman in American history. Yeah, there's a case for that. There's not, there's, nobody could exclude her from the conversation.
Starting point is 01:06:26 She makes me feel like I jumped out of a plane. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. Like looking at her? Especially 70s Pam Grier? Fucking nuts. Literally a brick house. 90s Pam Grier, Jackie Brown, I mean like.
Starting point is 01:06:43 Pam Grier today could get, like let's not. Absolutely, there's never been an era, there's never been an era where she couldn't get it or that I could be capable of giving it to her. Those are two, there's never, she could be 80 and I could be like 40 and I would still disappoint her in bed, you know what I mean? There's not like an amount of me being young and vital
Starting point is 01:07:03 that could have ever done it for her. She played fucking Foxy Brown, dude. One of the great names of all time. Yeah, she's fantastic. That movie's so good too. I know we've talked about it quite a bit. Foxy Brown? What?
Starting point is 01:07:16 You're thinking of Jackie Brown. Yeah, I'm thinking about Jackie Brown. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I was like, Foxy Brown is not so good. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's better than White Hot Heat, that movie where she was chained to a white lady, but none of those, they're not like great.
Starting point is 01:07:32 I'm thinking about Jackie Brown. Great, great films. Yeah. She's amazing, right. They were maybe better for their cultural impact than what was actually on the film itself. A lot of them shot overseas. Is that true?
Starting point is 01:07:47 Yeah, a lot of them were shot in the Philippines. Foxy Brown, The Meanest Chick in Town. Other good names in this too. Link Brown, Red Morgan. Oh no, that's an actor. Anyway, C. Plains Lawson. It's a totally fake name. Foxy Brown, Sean Jordan, time for your second pick.
Starting point is 01:08:06 I'm going, I'm sticking with, it's a one-namer, but I gotta go Dalton. Yeah? Yeah. I knew you were gonna pick that. Absolutely. It's pretty easy to call. I found out his first name. I never, it's not in the movie ever, I don't think.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Dalton is his last name. Yeah. Yeah, it was on IMDB. Yeah, that's where I just was looking just to check. It's John. John? If in doubt, it's John. Same as Matrix, isn't it? Matrix.
Starting point is 01:08:34 He doesn't say John, but we all know it's John. Did I write it down? Hold on, hold on, I can't. James. No, James, James, sorry. James Dalton. Yeah, James Dalton, sorry. But I was floored when I saw it.
Starting point is 01:08:44 I'd never, I'm picking Dalton. I'm not picking James Dalton. I'm picking Dalton. Yeah, James Dalton, sorry. But I was floored when I saw it. I'm picking Dalton. I'm not picking James Dalton. I'm picking Dalton is my pick. I think, well, they remade it, obviously, with your boy, Gyllenhaal. Yeah, oh, did they call him James in there? And I think they identify him as James Dalton in that. Would've had to finish that movie to get there.
Starting point is 01:09:02 That movie sucked. I had a tough time watching that movie. I watched it with the general, I watched it with Laura's mom and dad, and it doesn't bother me hearing the word fuck, obviously, but they say fuck so pointlessly and gratuitously in that movie, and I was just like on edge the whole time. I didn't enjoy it at all.
Starting point is 01:09:18 That movie's bad and not in a fun way. What did you think of Conor McGregor's acting? I couldn't, someone said to me. He was fun. They thought it was the best thing in it. I was like, what? I couldn't get my head around what he was, I mean, I guess it's been memorable, right? But I was watching him going, I can't, it's like such bad acting that I was just like, I can't even, took me out of it, took me out of it.
Starting point is 01:09:40 It was interesting. I mean, I think they just were like, hey, do anything you want. It felt like he didn't really have any direction. So, and he also, am I crazy? Didn't he get, did we look this up already? Didn't he get something insane? Like, like $20 million or something. And then all the other people got like, didn't he?
Starting point is 01:09:59 Or was that Jake? I thought so. I can't see him getting that much money to be in that. Maybe Gyllenhaal. Yeah, well somebody, yeah, oh I'm sure he did, but then the next tier down all got like 50 grand or something, anyway. Yeah man, Dalton, I had a tough time watching the second one.
Starting point is 01:10:16 I gotta watch it again with my in-laws not sitting right next to me on the couch. But the first one, Dalton. I watched the first one only for the first time a few months ago and man, that's just such a good movie. Sam Elliott is fucking, he might be, he's the Pam Grier of men. He might be... He wouldn't be able to perform with him.
Starting point is 01:10:35 He's so fucking hot, dude. He's so hot and poetic. Yeah. That's a great Oregonian. What's going on, miho? Miho, hey there, miho? Miho, hither miho. Yeah. The fact that his first name is James
Starting point is 01:10:48 was confirmed by Roadhouse 2, a direct-to-DVD movie from 2006, telling the story of Dalton's adult son. Oh, interesting. Straight to DVD, 2006. Yeah, that's a bummer. They should have never identified his first name. I wish they would have.
Starting point is 01:11:02 They should have just never come out. I really thought it was gonna just say Dalton, but I suppose with the remake, it was bound, they're bound something, they're bound to say like James Dalton. Because he was an MMA fighter and they had to show like footage of him, right? Right.
Starting point is 01:11:15 I just realized an issue with streaming is you can't, there's no, it all goes to streaming. So you don't know if something, when you say straight to DVD, I know for a fact that's gonna be piss, but I still kind of, I'm intrigued. But everything's straight to streaming. So you don't know if something, when you say straight to DVD, I know for a fact that's gonna be piss, but I still kind of, I'm intrigued. But everything's straight to streaming. So there's no, we need some,
Starting point is 01:11:30 there needs to be a new level of straight to, what streaming something is like this. Straight to Tubi. Straight to Tubi. Straight to Tubi. But also some of the straight to streaming movies are, they're fantastic. Dana and I, last night, what is it called?
Starting point is 01:11:45 The perfect couple. It's a Nicole Kidman, a Leib Schreiber. Oh, it was on Netflix, right? On Netflix. Let me speak carefully here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And I, so I'm not, when I, cut the, like, not cut anything, but like when you hear me talk about this, take the entirety of what I'm about to say. It was the biggest piece of shit
Starting point is 01:12:13 I've ever seen in my entire life. At the same time, I could not stop watching for a second. It is like fucking, it was so addictive. It's this murder mystery, but the mystery at the end, I'm not gonna spoil anything, it's not satisfying in any way, in my opinion. It's tonally all over the place. Like one second, it's almost like Lifetime Corps,
Starting point is 01:12:40 earnest, and then the next, it's like Apatow comedy, and then the next, it's like standard Netflix murder mystery. It's a Swiss Army film. It's a Swiss Army film, but like- They all are now though, right? Aren't they all movies totally- Something for everyone. It's totally, it feels like-
Starting point is 01:12:57 Bag of pick and mix. Eight people wrote eight scripts and they jammed them together without ever like trying to smooth them out. It's also the craziest example, and the most brazen example of the Netflix trying to make something a truly global hit. So it's got Nicole Kidman and Leif Schreiber,
Starting point is 01:13:19 so you get the Americans who are like, oh, it's got big movie stars in it. And then the football guys are like, it's the voice of Hard Knock knocks. It's the voice of hard I still can't believe that every time I watch the show There is the son of a massive Bollywood like one of Bollywood's biggest movie stars His son is in it. So you like I think they think they're getting India and then Isabella Ajani is this like Algerian French actress. So they're trying to get like
Starting point is 01:13:46 Europe like with that and then the lead is Bono's daughter. So I don't know what that's getting you, Eve Hewson, but it's this jammed together where they're like, okay, it has to play in India, so we have this Bollywood guy. We wanted to play in Europe, so it's got this legendary French actress in these roles that don't make any sense.
Starting point is 01:14:02 It was the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen, and I fucking loved every second of it. Which was like, it's crazy. Because it's also like, part of you is confused at the mystery, and the other part is confused like, how did this get made? Like, how did nobody have, like, especially when you try to make something and you see the amount of notes you get to try to make it more, make it more sense, you know, just just be my mind might just be really famous and you can say whatever you want
Starting point is 01:14:30 It's really the best way to handle show business It's really the authority Everything else is okay, but Dalton is a great pick. Yeah, they didn't run into that with Roadhouse they got Swayze and Elliot and they were like, let's write a whole script around these two guys and it's magic. Chris it's time for your second pick. It's a movie where Sylvester Stallone plays not just a truck driver, an arm wrestling truck driver.
Starting point is 01:15:00 It's called Over the Top and his character name is Lincoln Hawk. Yeah. Lincoln Hawk. It's a car. It's also a bird of prey. It's also a president? It's a president. It's an action hero name generator. It's also half of a punk hairstyle. It's just everything. It's everything. I mean, I rewatched it recently. In my head I was like, this is so good. He just arm wrestles and beats people up. It's not what happens.
Starting point is 01:15:27 90% of that movie is him just trying to build a relationship with his estranged son. And then at the end they have probably a 45 minute long arm wrestling tournament. It's actually quite boring. But in terms of just the fact that it was an eighties movie about a guy who has a truck with a little weights machine for doing that, that's the bit, you know, you remember, oh, that's a fun bit of that movie. That's probably the only, the only fun bit of the whole movie. He's got a great name though, Lincoln Hawke. I remember he wears a lot of suspenders in that movie.
Starting point is 01:15:53 Oh, so many. That movie is- How else would you remember he drives a truck if he wasn't wearing that? He's a truck driver. He's got a- It's absolute gold, that movie. Everything about it and like, it's not an ironic thing. People say I like something ironically.
Starting point is 01:16:07 It's just a good, fun movie. Sure, it's a wild premise, but it is a great movie. Can I toss out a theory here? I'd rather you didn't. All right, let's move on. What a guy. I think up until the first President Bush, you could make a perfect action hero name
Starting point is 01:16:25 by just combining the last name of a president and a bird of prey. Okay. Garfield Condor? Fuck, I'm seeing it. I'm fucking seeing it. You're not seeing that? Hawk Taft?
Starting point is 01:16:39 Hawk Taft, dude? Taft Hawk. Netson Sparrow. I mean, a sparrow is not a, but it even sounds cool. Madison Eagle, a female, a female action star. Madison Eagle. Dude, Harding Vulture. It's, it works.
Starting point is 01:16:56 Hoover Kite. Hoover Kite, dude. I'm telling you. Any, and then Bush, it kind of falls apart. You Bush Eagle, like it stops working. Yeah, Clinton is also not great It gets a little bit closer to it. Clinton Hawk. The Hawk could be a guy By the time actually with Trump would probably work. I know yeah Trump would work about if you had Obama flamingo That was one of the characters in too long food things for everything. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Yeah Swayze played Obama flamingos
Starting point is 01:17:31 Do you even Eisenhower anyway Eisenhower Hawk bro, Lincoln Hawk is great. That's a great pick. It's a great name You is our wrestling. I just we just watched hard here in the States, and one of the quarterback's dads is a Welsh arm wrestling champion. Yeah, I was watching that too. Yeah, really? Oh, that guy was insufferable. Can you understand a word he said? Can you understand him? No sir.
Starting point is 01:17:52 You can't understand a word that guy. I mean. No. He was so annoying. There's a great documentary about arm wrestling called Pulling John. John Berzink, I think, the best arm wrestler of all time. Yeah, I've watched that, it's the best. He's 25 years. Fantastic.
Starting point is 01:18:07 And he's in over the top. Yeah, yeah, he's in over the top. He's in over the top. He's also not that big, it's all technique. That was the crazy thing, cause I didn't know until I watched that movie, it's like, it's the pulling. It's the pull.
Starting point is 01:18:20 Right, it's the pull. It's the pull. Which, and like the turn, right? Cause the wrap and then the pull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like you're cheating in a way. Watch Pulling Right, it's the pull. It's the pull. Which, and like the turn, right? The turn on the wrist. The wrap and then the pull, yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like you're cheating in a way. Watch Pull and John, it's great. It's a great, that's a great doc.
Starting point is 01:18:30 Really, really good. All I can think about now when I see those dudes doing that is their blood pressure. Cause their head gets so, their head gets so red. They look like they're gonna fucking explode. Lincoln Hawk's a great name. David, time for your second and third picks. Okay, so for my second pick
Starting point is 01:18:46 I wanted to go with like, you know when they give the action star the most wholesome name ever Like you're like, this is just this is just America in a name But this one is like the funniest movie to do it I'm taking Scottie Appleton and that was the name of the main character in New Jack City. That's Iced Tea the Cop His name was Scotty Appleton and it's so funny Nothing about Iced Tea is a Scotty. I think he's wearing a Rasta cap in the first scene He is indeed! Yeah, absolutely
Starting point is 01:19:19 He's got the big cross out in the Rasta cap Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scotty Appleton, just a great, super, super, super wholesome dumb action name. It is fucking funny, because Scotty Appleton does sound like the University of Wisconsin's backup quarterback. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 01:19:38 And it's... And it's Iced T, a man whose legal name might be Iced T. I've never checked. I love Ice-T too. Very interesting guy if you ever want to look into him. He was an orphan, used to be a jewel thief. Very interesting man. Was he in the military too?
Starting point is 01:19:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was also big in gymnastics in high school. What? Yeah, yeah. Big, big in the gymnast. His real name is Tracy Marrow. Yeah. Tracy Lauren Marrow. That's pretty hard too His real name is Tracy Marrow. Yeah, Tracy Lauren Marrow
Starting point is 01:20:07 Yeah, having a big big vegetable is your last name it wouldn't come on come on Cucumber I'd love that Yeah, Scott is hilarious. You don't think Action when you think of Scotty and until you think like face associated with it bookie or something Scotty who's this doesn't. Bookie or something. Scotty, doesn't Philip Seymour Hoffman play a character named Scotty? Is that character from Boogie Nights? Yeah, Scotty, why'd you do that?
Starting point is 01:20:34 When he tries, I'm sorry, when he tries to kiss him. Why would you do that, Scotty? Why'd you apologize? Sorry. We're idiots. I'm sorry. We're idiots. I thought you were a closet.
Starting point is 01:20:45 Scotty Appleton and your third pick. And my next, this next one is just like, I love a pick that doesn't, where the name is like, I don't know where this even came from. I don't know what the fuck this is. I'm taking Beatrix Caddo. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. From Kill Bill, the wife, or the bride.
Starting point is 01:21:02 The bride. I love that name, Beatrix It tricks Beatrix and then kiddo It's like a big Tarantino like, you know, I would put the nickname in the name, but like he's always calling her kiddo It's the nickname, but it's her name and then she just goes by the bride It's such it's such a good pick. I love that pick. That was definitely on the list. Yeah, who named black mamba? Mm-hmm. No her her code name was The Bride, I thought. No, she was Black Mamba because Vernita Greer got all mad and she was,
Starting point is 01:21:30 Vivica Fox was like, I should have been Black Mamba. Yeah. Her other alias is, another one was Arlene Machiavelli. All good. She loved Tupac. Yeah. Trying to see if we can figure out where he got her name from,
Starting point is 01:21:43 because this is crazy, Beatrix Kiddo? Beatrix Kiddo. Or Kiddo? Like what kind of last name even is that? Beatrix in the UK is a famous name of a children's author, Beatrix Potter. So I just like the fact that it's used. That's obviously like a lovely sweet name for children, but also can be used as a kickass name.
Starting point is 01:22:02 It's a very versatile name really. Really it just sounds so... Tech Nine used to use it in place of the word bitch. Tech Nine? No, he would say Beatrice, I take it back, I'm sorry. Not Beatrix. Weird that Tech Nine felt uncomfortable saying the word bitch.
Starting point is 01:22:17 Like a weirdly progressive... I don't think it was a... I don't think it was a... I don't think it was a comfortability issue. Are you sure? Tech Nine did? Let me put something in there. Well, I've seen Tech N9ne say, bitch, a handful of times right in front of my face at a Tech
Starting point is 01:22:29 N9ne show. He didn't seem too worried about it. Tech N9ne make it over to the UK there, Chris? No, it did not. If I go very quiet, if I ever go very quiet, it's because I don't know what's going on and I'm just being polite. Cariboulu? He didn't make it polite The coasts of America
Starting point is 01:22:46 I never met like anybody from New York who's like I was new or tech 9. He made it up to Sioux Falls with twisted one time Yeah, that's where it started No, he's from Kansas City. He's from KC Mo baby. Yeah, let you know those in the ladies know. He's a real He's he's not white. He's not white, but he's a real white trash rapper. It kind of feels like. He's Juggalo adjacent. Yeah, he's Juggalo adjacent. He's fantastic, Tech Nine rules.
Starting point is 01:23:13 Yeah, good music. Sean is from the Midwest. Okay. Okay. That tracks. I know enough about the Midwest to know that tracks. In the words of Tech Nine, Sean's from the town where the clowns put it down, baby.
Starting point is 01:23:28 Wow. I've seen them all. Is that a sample of his rapping? That is one of the... Close the door before your child hears the sound, baby. And then she says, mama says, stop it, I'm gonna tell her papa. Weird music. See, David's a tell her about that. Weird music. See, David's a fan too. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:48 I just went to middle school in Colorado. Chris it's time for your third pick. Tech N9ne. Okay. Unfortunately, not an action movie star. My third pick. Chris Calico open. I think my third pick. This is quite a boring name, but I just for the fact that it's fun when it gets movie star. My third Chris Calico open.
Starting point is 01:24:07 This is quite a boring name, but I just for the fact that it's fun when it gets shouted in the movie, I'm going to go with Martin Riggs. Because when, when, when Murtaugh shows, Hey, Hey, Hey, Riggs, it's just one of them. So one of those ones you can just shout around the house to your loved one. Riggs. They get mellow too. And he's like, Hey Riggs, It's just one of those ones you can just shout around the house to your loved one. Rigs! Or they get mellow too when he's like, hey Rigs. Like there's real...
Starting point is 01:24:30 I love, I love, I'm not alone in this, but obviously, Leetha Weapon, the whole franchise for his little... I'm a huge fan. But it's so... I wish Mel Gibson didn't suck so bad. He's so, so good. I know, I know. That was the other caveat with his name is he's a bad man.
Starting point is 01:24:44 We didn't know back then. He's a bad man. We didn't ask. He's still, in the first one, he has traces of an Australian accent. I know. He's funny. He's like, he's actually funny. Lethal Weapon 3, he's fun. He's up until 4.
Starting point is 01:24:55 Dude, we watched Braveheart the other day. He's, I mean, long, but he's still fucking great in it. He's so charming. He is, yeah. Lethal Weapon, dude, I'm so excited. I love it. I rewatch it every Christmas. And the first one is just still, it's actually just a genuinely good movie.
Starting point is 01:25:10 So you want to hear something dope, dude? So Chris, I used to work with the girl. So in the first lethal weapon, when he's looking at the photo of his wife, right? Him and his wife, and he's got the gun in his mouth. I used to work with the woman in that picture. In Sioux Falls at a call center. That's fantastic. Isn't that nice?
Starting point is 01:25:29 And she told me that and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? That's the coolest thing ever. It's the coolest thing ever. I have goosebumps. I seriously just gave myself goosebumps. That was the story. But yeah. With his... Yeah. And then so then what does she pop up into when the South African guy says, I killed
Starting point is 01:25:46 the South African bitch. The South African, there's some, the South African, leave them two, it's not as good, but the South African accent in that is, I mean, diplomatic community. That's another fun one to shout. I used to think- Being revoked. When I was a kid, I was scared of diplomats because I thought they were terrorists. I was like.
Starting point is 01:26:07 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Where were you afraid you were gonna run into one? I didn't know what a diplomat was. I was like, I hope I never see one. You're like, head on a swivel at the mall. He's like, fuck, there could be diplomats anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha anyway. They make them look so dangerous in that movie. If you see a car with tiny flags on the front, you fucking run, bro.
Starting point is 01:26:32 Run. They can do whatever they want. Do you know what shop I always look at, I think, in that movie? When Danny Glover goes in to cause a diversion, so Mel Gibson can do a really cool commando roll under a gate and go and scare them, He goes to the South African, you know, thing and he tries to get a ticket to South Africa and the guy goes, but, but you're blick. And there's a arts and crafts store in a drive pass on the way to our old job at CBS and it's just called blick and I always think of a
Starting point is 01:27:02 South African, a South African saying the word black. Blick. Essentially that one's named after a gun. The New York slang for a gun. A blicky. Oh is it? No, I have no idea. No, it's probably some Dutch artist last name, but it would be cool.
Starting point is 01:27:15 Probably would be a Dutch guy. Fucking Dutch guys. Yeah man, he's- Probably John Rambo. John Rambo. That is such a- I feel like I've made Sean's day by saying that one. I can just see, I can really see the appreciation of the name.
Starting point is 01:27:29 It's nice when you can really tell it's resonated with him on a different level. It might be like my favorite pound for pound all around. I just love the Lethal Weapon franchise. I love it. It's the sax, the little saxophone. They like. Bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow The saxophone, they're like, it's just so good. They're so funny.
Starting point is 01:27:46 They're the best buddy cops to me. I don't know. I love it. Do the kids still know about Danny Glover? I don't think so. Didn't he kind of, didn't he kind of, do you know the interesting thing about him? He turns 50 in the first one, but as an actor,
Starting point is 01:27:56 he's only 40, so he's looked old from young. Cause I kept thinking, every time I look at him, how's he still alive? Cause he was playing 10 years older. I think he lives up here. I think he's a lake old boy, right? Yeah. No, I thought he's, he's from San Francisco.
Starting point is 01:28:10 I think he lives in Southern Oregon is where he lives. Yeah. Yeah. There was a young thug song, Danny Glover. He fucking rules, man. I was about to say that. I think he just got too old for this shit and decided to retire. I love the guy though.
Starting point is 01:28:23 He never really missed. Never too, never really missed. Never fucking, Royal Tana Bombs? Come on. Phenomenal, phenomenal. Not a lot of misses on Danny Glover. Predator 2. I love, I fucking love Predator 2. Yeah, it's great.
Starting point is 01:28:35 I think, I might have seen that one first. I think I've seen it more. I think I've seen it more too, and I think Predator 1 is the perfect movie. I'm not saying it's better, but I think I might like it more.. And I think Predator One is the perfect movie. I'm not saying it's better, but I think I might like it more. I hear you. I hear you.
Starting point is 01:28:50 I might have to test that. It's frustrating when I hear someone say that out loud, but I hear you. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I hear me saying it too, and I don't love it. Sean, it's time for your third pick. Let's go with Predator.
Starting point is 01:29:02 Let's go Dutch from Predator. Yeah, dude. That's another, because it just came up, but that's another single name. He has a- No, it was Dutch Schaefer, right? Yeah, I chose not to write it down, because after I saw Dalton, I was like,
Starting point is 01:29:15 I don't care, I'm not picking that. Just picking Dutch, and that- Alan. It was Alan. To me, it's tough, but it's, most of the time it's my favorite all around Arnold performance is that movie. I know there's more iconic Arnold, but I enjoy it. I just, I love him so much in that movie.
Starting point is 01:29:39 He's fucking great. It's funny that they had to call him Dutch and come up with this flimsy backstory for why this clearly not American dude was in the US Special Forces. No, they didn't by the way, but you're like sure. They did, but nobody was asking. I could give a fuck. They gave up doing that after a while. You just like, I think that was the one movie,
Starting point is 01:29:56 at rest they were just like, we're just, same with Liam Neeson. Why is an Irish guy just pretending to be American? They just, no one cares anymore. Don't care. Nobody asked them bridesmaids. Nobody was like, why is Chris O'Dowd, why is he a fucking US cop? Nobody cares. We're just like Irish people are cops. It's fine.
Starting point is 01:30:12 Yeah, man, Dutch, that movie. And have I, sorry if I've said this, I'm sure, or maybe you guys already knew this, but the guy that plays Billy, have we talked about this? The guy that plays Billy in Predator? Go on, I'm not sure. They had to hire on-set security 24 hours, like anytime he was onator. They had to hire on set security 24 hours, like anytime he was on set they had to hire security
Starting point is 01:30:29 to keep him, to keep everyone else safe from him. That's how gnarly that guy was in real life. That dude who plays Billy, he was horrible, but I don't know why they wanted him in the movie so bad, but yeah, they had security to stop him from doing stuff to other people. Sonny Landon? Yeah. Isn't that crazy?
Starting point is 01:30:47 That's cool. Yeah, on set security. I don't know what he ever did. I didn't look into it too far, but it's just such a crazy thing to me. That's not gonna be good, is it? Really? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:58 Wow. Security to keep everyone safe from him because he just was a lunatic, I guess, or whatever it was. Somebody if you know the method. He's so method, he starts killing. He's really cutting himself with a machete. He's the psychotic version of Andy Kaufman.
Starting point is 01:31:13 Just like, you can't. Did you also know that John Clavandam was the original Predator? Yeah, the original Predator. Yeah, that's right. Lasted like five days or some shit. He didn't like being in the outfit. Well, he's not.
Starting point is 01:31:27 He's so hot, I get it. He's not tall enough. I'm not being a prick. I meant he was like, he's so attractive to cover that up with people. He is. It's silly to cover him up. Yeah, that is true.
Starting point is 01:31:37 He's shredded, that jawline. Predator, they have different jawlines. I like it when he dances. When in Kickboxer, he's got the best dancing scenes. Get drunk and go dance with these dudes boyfriends. Anyway, that's not what we're talking about yet. Right now we're talking about Dutch. Dutch Schaefer.
Starting point is 01:31:54 Yeah, you know the iconic, just the, speaking of arm wrestling, I always have fascinated by that mid-air suspended arm wrestling match they do and how much strength that would take in all of your arm muscles to actually keep it, you know what I mean? They keep their elbows in line and they're just arm wrestling in the air.
Starting point is 01:32:13 Yeah, it's fucking nuts. Yeah. Dutch baby. Speaking of Jean-Claude Van Damme, it's time for my third pick. Give it to me. Now, a lot of these, I would say all of the characters we've drafted so far, there is at least a cultural awareness,
Starting point is 01:32:30 if not us having seen the movies. I think we've seen most of these movies, maybe not Foxy Brown. I'm going, I did a deep dive on John Claude Van Damme's Wikipedia. Okay. Of course. I bet I've seen it. And I found a movie that came out in 2005
Starting point is 01:32:47 called The Hardcore, but it's Corpse instead of Core. You know like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah. In this movie, plays a character who goes by the name Philippe Sauvage. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:02 Is it spelled like the cologne? Like the cologne. Oh. Philippe Sauvage. Yeah. Is it spelled like the cologne? Like the cologne. Oh. Philippe Sauvage. The description of this movie, an army veteran assembles a team of bodyguards to protect a former boxer. Complications arise when the boxer suspects his sister
Starting point is 01:33:19 may be romantically involved with the bodyguard. And that bodyguard, Jean-Claude Van Damme, as Philippe Sauvage. That's where they got the first sample for Sauvage, dude. They got a little bit of his sweat put in the lab for 15 years. 2005, direct to DVD. I feel like the last 20 years of his career, he's mainly pit rolls based on the coolness of the name and not the quality of the movie. Cause if you look at his IMDB, it's just nothing but top notch names.
Starting point is 01:33:49 It's bangers. It's nothing but bangers. He doesn't read the script. He's just like, send me the log line and the character's name and I'll figure it out for you. Is anyone going to pick any other Van Damme movies? I actually, well, I was going to, can I? I might. Ian, is this a big faux pas? But my ride for this wedding, is there a way of, do I completely ruin the whole podcast if I throw out my drafts early and have to? Can we, do you have 15 minutes?
Starting point is 01:34:13 How long do you have? I've got. 10 minutes. Yeah, 10. Is that going to be pushing it? Let's fucking make it happen. We can make it work. Let's go action movie mode.
Starting point is 01:34:21 Philippe Sauvage is my final pick. Not my final pick, it's my third pick, my fourth pick. Okay, I'm going to take a character played, I think he's only in one movie. The movie is called Shooter. It starts Mark Wahlberg, and Mark Wahlberg plays the name Bob Lee Swagger. Come on, is it Sniper?
Starting point is 01:34:41 Name Bob Lee Swagger? Bob Lee Swagger. Pew! Bob Lee. And he uses at one point an empty bottle as a silencer on the end of his rifle. That's goddamn right he does. Of course he does. Classic swagger move. Sean, it's your turn for your fourth pick. RoboCup.
Starting point is 01:34:56 What? Come on. Let me do it. Doesn't he have a... Okay. I'm going picking RoboCup. Does he not have a, okay. I'm going picking Robocop. Does he not have a real name?
Starting point is 01:35:08 If we weren't in a hurry, I wouldn't have done it because we would have litigated the issue, but did I use it right? I think we have time to litigate the issue. We're not going to do it real quick. He does have a real name. His name's Alex Murphy. Oh, that's still a good name, Alex Murphy. Okay.
Starting point is 01:35:24 But in the movie, he is renamed Robocop, right? I mean, Robocop is his name in the movie, his real name is Alex Murphy, but it's also Robocop, right? Chris Martin, your call. You can make the call. Make the call. If it doesn't count, I got options. I like it.
Starting point is 01:35:38 I'm giving you it. I just think the fact that it came, it was a nice juxtaposition to all the other names. I'm giving you that. It was perfect. It was funny. It was good. If you'd opened with it, wouldn't have given it to you. If it was your first round pick, no.
Starting point is 01:35:51 Fourth round, perfect. 405 of these, baby, I figured out a thing or two. Yeah. I would love if this thing was John Robocop. That would be a little bit better. But that's okay. John G. Robocop. My fourth pick, well, I want to keep on the Jean-Claude Van Damme fun names thing.
Starting point is 01:36:05 Never seen the movie, but he does play a character in Assassination Games in 2011 called Vincent Brazile. Oooh, that's tasty. It's a tasty name. You don't even need to watch the movie. When Michael Vick was thinking of fake names to give to women and he landed on Ron Mexico, Vincent Brazile was on the list. Vincent Brazile. to give to women and he landed on Ron Mexico, Vincent Brazil was on the list. Jason Vale Vincent Brazil. Two assassins agree to work together as one tries to avenge his wife and the other collects a reward for a job.
Starting point is 01:36:31 That's it. You don't need to watch the movie. Alan Ross That's it. It's fucking perfect. Vincent Brazil. What a fucking pick. David, time for your fourth and then your final picks. For fourth pick, I love a name with a title in it and an AKA. I'm taking Detective Jericho Jackson, AKA Action Jackson. Yeah, dude. Carl Weathers, 1988, tough Detroit cop, stay on the trail of power, hungry auto magnet. What else do you need? What a cuff runneth over name. Detective Jericho Jackson.
Starting point is 01:37:03 Your name's already Jericho Jackson and people are like, and guess what? We're gonna call him fucking Action Jackson. On top of that? Yeah. Your name's Jericho. Yeah, you got it. You shouldn't get another one after that.
Starting point is 01:37:15 No, greedy dude. But that's, you know, in the 70s, you could buy a house for $50,000. And your final pick. And then for my final pick, Dean, there's a lot on here, you know what? I'm going from the new Dune. I'm taking Duncan, Idaho. That's Country or a place is the last it's a winning name Yeah. Duncan Idaho. They're so weird.
Starting point is 01:37:44 It's fucking nuts. And you're sitting there and he's directing the hell out of it. Everything looks beautiful and amazing. And then Momoa walks up looking like a fucking legend. I'm Duncan Idaho. And even the other names, it's like House of Atreides. Oh, it's so epic. And then Duncan Idaho.
Starting point is 01:38:03 It's so silly. Paul Atreides. Your name's Paul, dude? It's so epic in a Dunkin' Idaho. It's so silly. Paul Atreides, your name's Paul, dude? It's so frustrating. I mean, that's, that's gotta be like, well, nevermind. Lady Jessica, you're in outer space, part of an ancient sacred order and your name's Jessica? All right. Chris, your final pick.
Starting point is 01:38:20 I never, I don't think, I think I've watched one of these. There's a chain of them, but just because of the ridiculousness of it. The UFC fighter, Randy Couture plays a character in Expendables called Toll Road. Toll Road. They're not even trying with that one. They're just like looking out of a window of a car. That's it. Toll Road.
Starting point is 01:38:41 That'll do. It was either that, or it was was either that or HOV Lane. We didn't know which one. It went with Toll Road. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, he just plays. That's just like, does what it says on the tin. I think I've watched it.
Starting point is 01:38:58 Doesn't really talk. Beats up people. Toll Road. Now, you gotta go right now and people are gonna see how the sausage is made. You can stop recording and leave. We do need to get this file from you so we can share it. Isaac has dropped a Dropbox link in the chat. Okay, great. Let me see. Okay, great. So when, should I hang it up now? You can feel free. Yeah, stop the recording.
Starting point is 01:39:16 Stop the recording now. And we'll finish up the old podcast. We'll bring the plane in for a landing. Thanks. And thank you. Thank you. This is fantastic. This is a great idea too man. Sorry I have to go to a wedding in the desert. Is it an mp3 or is it- Sorry we were bored for two hours.
Starting point is 01:39:30 Let's keep the really interesting tech chat for one more. WAV file or mp3? Either works, mp3 is fine. Well now we're giving away state secrets. People are going to be able to record podcasts. mp3 is going to be faster for you to upload to mp3. There's going to be another podcast in no time now that everyone knows. Someone is going to start a second podcast now. You're going to have a rival. People just drop in mp3s left and right and say no for you to upload. So it's gonna be another podcast in no time. Now that everyone knows someone's gonna start a second podcast.
Starting point is 01:39:45 Now you're gonna have a rival. People just just drop it. MP3 is left. Right. So thank you so much. I mean, what an actually appreciate. Thank you, Chris. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 01:39:53 I love you. Take it easy. I will hang on. I have to now drop. I have to drop the thing in the hang on. I know it's real. You notice how no one said love you back. Yeah, we also love you. But it is weird. Love well. Now it's real. Notice how no one said love you back. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:05 We also love you, but it's weird. Now it's weird. I've got the Dropbox link up. I've now got that ready. I've got this exporting. I'm now... Anyone else want to know what else I've got tech-wise on my computer? What are you wearing at the...
Starting point is 01:40:19 I mean, now you're no longer recording, so we gotta... A flowery shirt. A flowery shirt. A flowery shirt. Easy. Okay. I don't love you guys, but I will see you another time. Cheers, alright brother. Thank you Chris. Peace, man.
Starting point is 01:40:32 We need a version of Cheers over here. We do need a version of Cheers. It's kinda like a. Where everybody knows your name. No, I wanna make a. Sean, it's your turn. It's mine, yeah, I wanna make a pick. I wanted the villain name, but I like I like the hero name too.
Starting point is 01:40:47 But I'm picking Memphis Reigns. Gone in 60 seconds. I just love the name. And the villain is named Raymond Coletri. I just feel like great since we mentioned the complementing each other. Memphis Reigns versus Raymond Coletri. I just they just ring. But yes, city name is so they really. Yeah, they did. And so to be named after a city.
Starting point is 01:41:07 Now that there's only one pick left, I had Indiana Jones on my list, but that felt like cheating. That doesn't feel quite, I know that's an action movie. I feel like we're a little more creative than that. I know what you mean, I know what you mean. Of course, I know what you mean too, but in, and it was on my list, but then you're like, nah, I can do better.
Starting point is 01:41:22 Everybody. Once there's a Disney ride, you can't really, he's kind of trans, James Bond was kind of the same way where it's like, it's not the spirit of it. It's not the spirit of it. It's not Philippe Sauvage. I hear you, no it isn't. Time for my final pick. And there's so many good ones left on the list.
Starting point is 01:41:43 There really are a bunch. There's so many good ones. It's, this list really are a bunch. There's so many good ones. This list was deep. I didn't realize it until we started looking at it so deep. My original premise, I didn't go just based on how cool the name was. I was going more the character, so I kind of had to adapt a little bit. And it still is such a rich topic that it was easy to do. I do know exactly what you mean.
Starting point is 01:42:05 I don't have a Stallone or a Schwarzenegger, and I feel like I have to have one of the two. I would agree. And I'm gonna go Schwarzenegger, and I'm going to take Marion Cabretti, AKA Cobra. Ah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:42:22 Yeah. Is that the one where he's got the sunglasses? Cobra, that's Stallone. Cobra? What did I say? Schwarzenegger, Dere Mike. Oh, I'm sorry. You're going Stallone.
Starting point is 01:42:32 Yeah, yeah, God, I'm sorry. I'm going Stallone, my bad. Yeah. I've only seen Cobra one time as Doug Love's move, or Doug Love's, it bids an interruption, whatever. So I've never seen it without people talking shit over it, but it was fantastic. Oh, yeah, dude. I've never seen it without people talking shit over it, but it was fantastic. Oh, yeah. I've never seen it.
Starting point is 01:42:46 Great cover, though. It does what it says on the tin. Over the top. Yeah. His name's Cabretti, dude. Come on. Is that Italian for Cobra? I wouldn't be surprised.
Starting point is 01:42:59 Or some kind of Cobra bread, some snake bread. Royal mo... Anyway, it's fucking, I don't think it has a translation, so I think they just was like, what is cobra in a, like, we can't call him Cobra, he's Stallone. Cobretti? Okay, Cobretti, yeah. It rules man.
Starting point is 01:43:17 He's just a fucking co, it's awesome. It's so dumb. I remember the front cover of that movie when I was a kid in Video Mania. I'd always be like, whoa. It just, it tells you everything, just from the front. The gun has a laser beam on it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:28 What are you gonna do? Are they still doing that? Do guns still have those laser sights and all that? Feels like they went away, but. I don't know if they actually work. Yeah, I don't know either. Because when you shoot a gun, the nature of it, you move so much.
Starting point is 01:43:41 Yeah. And I feel like the laser sights, it seems like a video game idea. It does. More than something. How can we show that there's guns on this guy? Right. Like, oh, like, oh, they're on his dick.
Starting point is 01:43:52 They're going to shoot my dick off. Oh no. Well, you'd have to keep it calibrated all the time. It has to be absolutely straight, like completely pointing where it's going to shoot all the time. That's what I mean, but it won't, I don't think it shoots in a direct light. You have to adjust for the gun when you're aiming, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:13 There's different, right. When shot in the gun five times. Yeah, I was gonna say, it's been 15 years. No, we're heavy hitters on the AFV. I shoot it, I shoot it 15 years ago. Big on podcast, bro. Huge gun guys. Marion Cabretti, that's the final pick. I shoot it. I shoot it 15 years ago Marion Cabretti, that's the final pick Isaac Have you in the time since you woken up to put together and lost power and gained it back. Yeah
Starting point is 01:44:40 I'm gonna go with Emperor Otter Furiosa from Mad Max Yeah, that's a good one Furiosa. That movie also was Sick that movie was good one. Furious. That movie also was sick. That movie was so good. So good. Oh, that is a good name. That is also a good name. Yeah. I mean, guys, if we're doing honorable mentions, there's it's there's Immortan Joe. That's another one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. In the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:01 Oh, but honorable mention time. Come on. Black Belt Jones. Jack Reacher. El Mariachi. El Mariachi, Ivan Danko. Corbin Dallas. Dominic Toretto. Corbin Dallas is great.
Starting point is 01:45:14 Dominic Toretto. Jeff Cellios. Gibson Rickenbacker. Oh my God. Axel Foley. Yeah, Axel Foley's good. Johnny Utah. Ellen Rippey. Johnny Utah.
Starting point is 01:45:24 Johnny Utah. Stanley Goodspeed. Johnny Utah. Johnny Utah. Stanley Goodspeed. Oh man, I blew it. Oh, chance food, bro. I thought that was gonna go. I thought you were gonna get Johnny Utah. I would have if I would have been thinking straight. And I wasn't gonna do it,
Starting point is 01:45:34 but then I wasn't gonna do Duncan Idaho because I thought it was too close, but then it didn't seem like you were. I blew it, it's not even on my list. What an asshole. Really? I'm surprised it wasn't on your list. I forgot, that's me being a bonehead. I got 40 fucking names on here. list. What an asshole. Really? I'm surprised it wasn't on your list. I forgot.
Starting point is 01:45:45 That's me being a bonehead. I got 40 fucking names on here. Oh, what an idiot. Nick Fury? I know that's Marvel, but like he's a dude. So I'm like maybe I can't. Yeah, but he can't do anything. He doesn't have any superpowers.
Starting point is 01:45:55 He's just a guy. Yeah. No, that's a great game. Second eye patch. Bodhi? Yeah, Bodhi. Bodhi. Bodhi.
Starting point is 01:46:03 It could recap. After the Bodhi Satva, right? Isn't that why his name is Bodhi? That's so funny. That movie fucking right. I watched that two times a year I bet. It is so good. To recap, David, you went first.
Starting point is 01:46:18 You took John J. Rambo, Scotty Appleton, Beatrix Kitto, Detective Jericho Action Jackson, and Duncan Idaho. Chris Martin, he went second. He took John Matrix, Lincoln Hawk, Martin Riggs, Vincent Brazile, and Toll Road. Ha ha ha!
Starting point is 01:46:35 Wild. Toll Road, that's fucking wild. Sean, you went third. You took Cameron Poe, Dalton, Dutch, Robocop, and Memphis Raines. Robocop. I went last. I took Snake Pl, Dutch, Robocop, and Memphis Rain. Robocop. I went last, I took Snake Plissken, Foxy Brown, Philippe Sauvage, Bob Lee Swagger, and Marion Cabretti.
Starting point is 01:46:53 Bob Lee. Good one's all around. Yeah, dude. Good one's all around. We wanna hear from you, though. Hit us up with what we missed on AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down.
Starting point is 01:47:06 The AFE Patreon, where you can get mail bags, auction drafts, live episodes, bonus content, video content, pre-roll content, explicit content, from Isaac's Tasteful Nudes. Well lit. Everything in millennial pink. Glossy. We're doing a throwback.
Starting point is 01:47:24 Is that a pink? Is it millennial pink? Yeah're doing a throw that a pink His name millennial pink his Millennial well not just the nipples not just the nipples Oh, but you gotta but you gotta subscribe to find out what else sign up to find out exactly what he's talking about Shout out to everyone the a if he should slack any the a if you subreddit shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos Shout out to st. Sue caramel Shout out to Frankie ocean shut the said the dude shut the haji beats are more important than all of that Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything
Starting point is 01:47:56 Get to so cockety That was a head gum podcast. Hi guys. I'm Ago Wodim. Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on Head Gum. That was a HeadGum Podcast. sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car?
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