All Fantasy Everything - Action Movie Heroes (w/ Zak Toscani, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 12, 2018

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is up at a reasonable hour on a... It's not a weekend day. Feels like it. It feels like a weekend day. Holiday. It's a holiday. Holiday.

Put the faux faux away. Holiday. Holiday. Yeah. Yeah. It's a holiday. Holiday. Put the faux faux away. Holiday. Holiday. Yeah. Yeah. It's that part. I was trying to think of other lyrics, and I just can't.

I know the song, but I just can't think of any other lyrics. He definitely says, mama used to put my clothes on layaway. Yeah. Mama used to put my clothes on layaway. Now I'm dipped every day. Every day. My mom used to put my shit on layaway back in the day. Man, I don't even remember. Kmart layaway, dude. Today the players play.

So you better be on your way. On your way. Your way. Now it's time to celebrate. Hurry up and don't be late. Because you know it's going to be a lovely day. Lovely day. Lovely day.

I lost it. I lost it. I don't have it. You had it, though. Even having it for a second is a lot. Lovely day. Lovely day. Lovely day. I lost it. I lost it. I don't have it. I don't have it anymore. You had it, though. Even having it for a second is a lot. I felt good about it. Yeah.

I felt good about it. Most people can't even aspire to touch it. No. I give it a shot, and I sound like a dipshit. Ian was digging around at Michael McDonald last night on the way home, and he was- Y'all gonna be there? Y'all was. Now, Sean had a couple glasses of whiskey.

I don't know for sure. Did you do that? I didn't do that damn thing. Last night I switched it up. Had a drink or two. You had a drink? Yeah. Okay.

Celebratory. Okay. White satin is your beverage, I recall. Yeah. Yeah. Satin sheets. Yeah, white satin. White satin, that's what you like?

I had scantily clad nights in black satin. He was drinking Ernest and, oh God, what is it called? Ernest and- The E&J stuff? E&J, yeah. You were drinking Erkinger last night? No. Oh God.

Dude, he was drinking strawberry wine and smoking long cigarettes. Yeah, those flagpoles, Virginia Slims, dude. Oh, that would be crazy. French Sean? Yeah. He was drinking strawberry wine with ice in it. Hitting the nipple in the face. Get away from the end of my cigarette.

You jerk. That's what happened. Did I feel a say jerk? Dude, he was smoking. He was drinking vodka out of a cut open Capri Sun. Yeah, dude. And smoking tobacco out of a bong last night. What is it? I actually had Sharpie

hold his hand. I just put a bunch of tobacco in his hands and I lit him on fire and just kind of huffed it in, you know? He was drinking honey mead out of a flagon. One of those big ass Christoph Waltz from Inglourious Bastards pipes. But it had hair all over it.

It was like it was made out of a deer. That's what you need. Yeah, like a deer's stomach or something. Call it was made out of a deer. That's what you need. Yeah, like a deer's stomach or something. Call it a woolly mammoth's foot. Full of honey mead. Fill it up. Full of honey mead. He was having a weird night, man.

Yeah. But yeah, Ian was really singing that mic. I'm like, don't. Yeah, yeah. Could have been that. Could have. She came from somewhere back in as long ago. I told you, dude.

It's only kind of there. No, I'm telling you. It's going to get you, dude. It's only kind of there. No, I'm telling you. It's going to get there, though. It's going to get there. It got there last night. By September, guys. Okay. Yeah.

September, we're going to go see him at the Athens County Fair, right? I'm going to go see him at the Bowl, baby. I'm at the Bowl. He's coming to the Bowl? He's coming to the Bowl. I'm playing the Bowl. He is playing the Bowl as Mike Moe. As Mike Moe.

Does he have a name? Does he have a nickname? Mickey Momo? Mickey Momo? He must have something. Mike Moe is a professional skateboarder, Mike Moe. As Mike Moe. Does he have a name? Does he have a nickname? Mickey Momo? Mickey Momo? He must have something. Mike Moe is a professional skateboarder, Mike Moe Capaldi. You're going to have to talk to me like a person. Huh?

You're going to have to talk to me like a person. I know you said Mike Moe. That's the nickname of a professional skateboarder. Maybe it's just his real name, Mike Moe Capaldi. Oh, yeah. If Michael McDonald doesn't have a good nickname- We started here today. We started here today. Oh, God. That's hard, though have a good nickname- We started here today. We started here today.

Oh, God. That's hard, though. Yeah. Man. Like the- Oh. What if he- Can his nickname be 50% pale?

There's got to be. I was thinking of a fabric in there, too. Like the silky foghorn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like the satin rabbit. The satin rabbit, yeah. That also sounds like vagina. It does, yeah.

And rabbit, he's bigger. He's like a satin. What about the velour connoisseur? Okay. I didn't know my grandpa was here. I almost feel like one of us, I almost feel like one of us, we should pass that around like the sisterhood

of the traveling pants. Well, look who's the velour connoisseur tonight. Just a blown out velvet sweatsuit. A velour sweatsuit. This has been in our peer group for years. The elbows and the knees are all kind of worn out. One of us got married in it. One of us got buried in it.

You know what we can call later Michael McDonald's the satin grandpa. Uh-huh. Yeah. Man, the satin Grandpa's dope. Yeah. I'd be thrilled if that was my nickname. I can see you gearing up for it. As he rises to her apology, anybody else would surely know.

He's watching her go. I fucked the lyrics up. Sean S. Jordan. What is cracking? On Twitter, on the website Twitter that people use for social media. Kids are on there a lot.

Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the Instagram app, which you might have on your phone. Yeah, the gram dog. What's the latest? What's the greatest? Nothing, man. Same old.

Still, Miracle Whip's still busted. Still busted. Oh, buddy. Oh, that's right. We haven't got that since. Because you were with her. Yeah, I was there. You were Whip's still busted. Still busted. Oh, buddy. Oh, that's right. We haven't got that since. Because you were with her. Yeah, I was there. You were with her when she died.

Yeah, she spit out some kind of terrible liquid. That's what we heard. It was gross. It was for sure like the death rattle. When that comes out of me, you bury me. It's over. It was like a yellow texture. Get the velour connoisseur jumpsuit out.

Yeah. Well, that's why we had to put the velour car cover on her, and she's just sitting there looking neon purple, dude. Damn. Oh, buddy. David just had to shoot it in the head on the side of the road. You know, I think I could be that kind of guy. I just had to kill a fish like that the other day, a koi fish.

Not shoot it, but man. You had to kill a koi fish. I had to take it out. It was infecting the others threatened his family it was all it was like weird scales and it was upside down like opening its mouth yeah really yeah and it was like barely moving and the gills were barely going and you took it out and what i put it in a bag yeah threw it in the trash i had to do that with a gecko once oh god smith had Smith had a gecko named Anoiax that he did not feed once. So he had it for a week?

Yeah. I mean, we were like, fuck, six or something. And not that you still know to feed things, but he just never fed it once. At the age of six, shouldn't a parent have stepped in at some point? What, did he never have a Tamagotchi? You would think they may have. Ever had that kind of responsibility? No.

No. He was busy painting Guns N' Roses murals on his wall. Man, we had cats, dogs. We had a horse. You had a horse? You had a horse? What? What was his name? Leo. He was a Belgian draft horse. The backstory starts filling in. Leo, the Belgian draft horse in Hawaii?

That's the life. That guy was an escaped Nazi war criminal. I'll tell you that right now. That was a Nazi horse. It was two guys and a horse? Hiding out in Hawaii. No, the horse itself was a Nazi. It was a Nazi horse that made a decision.

And when she hit the fan, it was like, I got to get as far away as possible. I'm not going to tell anyone in Hawaii about my past. No. He just showed up. I'm different. I'm not like them. I'm from Belgium. I'm from Belgium. Similar accents. I'm from Belgium. I'm from Belgium. Similar accents,

but Belgium. No, it's Belgian horse. We love the waffles. Oh, it's terrible. What happened over there? In Europe. I had nothing to do with it. Just talking to me,

a nine-year-old, I'm like, okay. I wasn't there at the time. I was a horse. Aloha, Zach. Hey, any you did on this island? I hope not. Haha, just kidding.

I wouldn't care. Now we're sure this is what Belgian folks sound like, right? Yeah, who cares? I am. I'm Belgian. They sound enough like me. Yeah, there you go. We got it.

Worst came to worst, we don't eat waffles for a while I'm a quarter Belgian I got a license okay yeah oh that's right they mostly speak French yeah

they speak French? but this is a Nazi but yeah French and parts of it German it's one of those countries with a lot of different languages in it

yeah French German sitch but in Brussels a lot of French a lot of French au fonce au fonce when's your album recording? August 30th you know still sold out There's a lot of French. A lot of French. En français. En français.

When's your album recording? August 30th. Yeah. Still sold out. But it's going to be dope. What's it going to be called? I mean, I'm pretty sure that I got the title locked in. The Buck Starts Here.

Okay. No, because in my head, I was going to make up a funny one. but then it was like, I think you already told me what it was. Because in my head I was like, the funk stock starts dank. No. Yeah. Like I was trying to like dance around it. Take it to the dank? Yeah, dude.

Take it to the dank? Highway to the dank zone? Dank bank? Dank bank. That's what, at my funeral and the one album he made, Dank Bank. Still now available on iTunes. Just a big blown up cover of Dank Bank. You have your own merch at your funeral.

Last chance. Last chance to get it. Who's selling it for me? Shane's selling it for me. You calling it an estate sale? So it seems formal. On the cover of Dank Bank, you have like a silk cool shirt, K-O-O-L,

that you got with like cool bucks. Oh, shit. From smoking cool methyl atoms, you know. For 30 years and I got this silk shirt that's a little too small. Instead of people pouring dirt on your casket, it's just wine. Strawberry wine. Strawberry wine. Mad Dog.

Bartles and James. That's what I have. Bartles and James. Strawberry wine. Some of that fuzzy navel. Long cigarettes. That Mad Dog 2020, dude. Cigarettes longer than the casket.

So they're just kind of sticking out a little bit. Non-alcoholic for loco. You just like the taste. That's where we're going to be at that point. Man. Last night, dude, you werearettes longer than the casket, so they're just kind of sticking out a little bit. Non-alcoholic for loco. You just like the taste. That's where we're going to be at that point. Man. Last night, dude, you were drinking Rumpelmints out of an envelope, and you were smoking... And you were smoking clove cigars.

Yeah, dude. The biggest... Yep. I hollowed out joints and put tobacco in them. Yeah. It's a fucking weird night. Man, my weed keeps giving me headaches. You were drinking butterscotch schnapps out of an old man's mouth and you were eating tobacco edibles.

150 milligrams of nicotine bro Jim I don't like this butterscotch schnapps at room temperature I like it at the temperature of your mouth 98 degrees get a mouthful spit it onto the table lick it back up and then I'm gonna drink it out of your mouth Jim

so yeah the album yeah they're having a weird night dank bank that's what's written there's no track list that's everything we just said is're having a weird night dank bank that's the that's what's written there's no track list that's everything we just said is written on the inside of every every trap name track name is y'all remember uh gushers that like that's what a fruit snack gushers oh yeah so last night sean was eating gushers but instead of like syrup it had brandy yeah yeah i injected i so i had to take all the all the gush out yeah Put some brandy in there And then smoking a roll your own cigarette Made out of the Declaration of Independence

The actual Sort of like a fuck you to today We're recording on the 4th of July It's the 4th of July The 4th of July And it's not just Sean in the studio We also have Young the G Asylum Hey!

Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram That's what they say They say That's what I heard anyway That's what Yeah that's what they call me That's what we'll do She said Mac

I said yeah that's my name Yeah that's my name You're being cool Like I am Big boned I heard pussy tastes like pumpkin pie Being cool Like I am

I still don't really understand that joke There's no It's Yeah Most of it's not jokes. It's crazy. It's just a feeling, though. Yeah.

It's a vibe. Much like his jeans are only a canvas for the airbrush pictures of Bernie Mac, his stand-up set is but a canvas for the charisma. It's still so crazy. The power of Bernie Mac. Could you imagine the feeling when you got those back from the store, though? Oh, my God. Like, you took them to the store and you were like,

alright, it's gonna sound crazy, here's what I want. And then you got them shits back? Oh my god, just in the living room, practicing the set? I said, I said, pork chip tastes like pumpkin pie. He's just like, standing all weird. Oh, it's Kenny!

When you're giving her a da dick I feel like a lot of I miss I wish that I came up in da dick comedy you can't do it

now no you can't you sound like a prick yeah nobody cares ooh nothing a da dick you're giving her a da dick

you broke ass motherfucker you crooked ass son of a bitch Bernie Mac dude rest in power rest in our memories and hearts forever rest airbrushed on a pair of jeans we should all get Bernie Mac jeans

yeah I'm into it whoa you guys aren't here but you could feel it in the air like the tone changed we might have to finish

this podcast later we all just stood up real quick yeah we got it do we has anybody got an airbrush not on the fourth man that guy's busy

yeah that guy's putting eagles on t-shirts yeah this is his Christmas yeah this is his Super Bowl Black Friday for that guy. What do you got coming up, man? Where can people come see you? Oh, first of all, thank you to everyone who came and saw me in Cleveland.

Thank you to the guys who came out and saw me in Denver, even at the little pop-up show. Shout out, shout out, shout out. Thank you to Big Top Productions, Hickox and Baker. You guys are doing cool things in Denver. I really appreciate it. You can see me. Chris Baker? Chris Baker. Nice. Chris Baker, cartoonsickox and Baker. You guys are doing cool things in Denver. I really appreciate it. You can see me. Chris Baker? Chris Baker.

Nice. Chris Baker, cartoons and comedy Chris Baker. Yeah, dude. He loves you guys, by the way, very much. He's dope. Hell yeah. Yeah, so you can see me at the Bike Rack in Bentonville, Arkansas. Hell yeah.

On the 13th. On the 14th, you can find me at Rhino in Kansas City, Missouri on 314 Armor Road. Also doing a bunch of shows in between that aren't like whatever, but on the drive. I'm just going to tweet him. Follow the GSL on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah.

Run up on me. Hell yeah. I appreciate it. Oh, and then August 3rd to 5th, that festival outside of Portland that I can't remember the name of. What? What is outside of Portland? With Amy Miller and Chris Charpentier.

It's like a camping festival. Oh, I don't know it. Oh, man, you know it. Oh, Pick-a-thon. Yeah, I'm doing Pick-a-thon. That'll be great. That's going to be awesome. I'm doing Pick-a-thon. I'm just going to stay after your recording that I'm not going to be at because I'm not going to be there. Oh, wait, it's sold out, so we can talk about it.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to go see it. I'm going to be there for sure. It's going to be awesome. Oh, yeah. I don't give a so we can talk about it. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go see it. I'm going to be there for sure. It's going to be awesome. Hell yeah. I don't give a shit. If you didn't get tickets, you fucked up. Yeah, man, you fucking blew it. I saw Leon Bridges at Pickathon. I did it like three years ago, and nobody really, well, I didn't know who Leon Bridges

was, and we're in the back, just like on the wings. Are you talking about, is he related to Louis Christopher Bridges? No, I doubt it. Is he Jeff Bridges? You're thinking of Jeff Bridges, actually. Yeah. Jeff Bridges did sort of a spoken word. It was called Sugar.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've seen that. Not for me. No, it was Leon Bridges that I saw. Leon Bridges, he's from Austin, Texas. Yeah, sang River. Soul singer.

I'm going to your river. I want to go. Whoa. Now. I don't don't wait i'm not sure if i know that song yet keep it going leon bridges keep putting now into songs that aren't there now everybody now take me to your river now now do you think I'm sexy now yeah yeah I was wrong is there a second I mean

just so okay is there a second page to that short story uh it just like Leon Bridges blew up like right after that

but it was just one of those festivals where you you saw I saw him and then I saw him on like Letterman a week later

and he was doing that song I was like oh shit I got to stand backstage for a week later. And he was doing that song. I was like, oh, shit. I got to stand backstage for free and see that guy. They were like, you know, wasn't a huge deal. Yeah, dude. So just to put a button on that Backstreet Boys thing. Go on. Okay, they don't say anything.

But they carry the cadence. Right? We can agree on that. I don't know if we can. I mean, like. There's a sound. Yeah, it's like that. It's a little elongated and so i was yeah i screwed up where did that become now i don't know in my youth also people came at me because i mixed up howie and aj i'm sorry and at least i know all their names notice that one i

off the top of my head i don't know any I don't know Brian I don't know which one Brian is He's like the shorty Brian I don't know any of them He was the accountant Brian Yeah Brian was the accountant

Brian, AJ, Nick, Howie Oh Nick I would know Kevin was that Kevin was the dude Who looked like he was 55 Yeah but Howie Is the name of a guy Who would look like he's 55

Yeah Who could be mad at you For making that up Yeah I don't know I don't know It's funny to think People get mad at Howard yeah I guess so Yeah Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It's funny to think people get mad at it.

Howard, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Well, when do you turn from Howie to Howard, you know? Yeah. I don't know when that is. It's a middle-aged bar mitzvah. Yeah, I was going to say.

Yeah. What's a second bar mitzvah? When you turn from Howie to Howard. All right. From Irv to Irving. Sure, there it is. Or from Irving to Irv. I can't decide which is older.

They're both pretty old. Yeah. We'll find out when my kid does it. No. Irving. No. What's his name? Irving?

Was it Irving? No. I thought there was a different one. Not Ira. I think Irving. Irving Carmel. Well, Ira's good too. Irving Carmel.

Shelly. Shelly. Shelly Carmel. Shelly. Knows a lot about cars yeah yeah yeah but old cars oh yeah hell yeah hell yeah yeah david either is using the bathroom or had to make a phone call or something he just held up his phone and then and then lit out of the room like so he held it up as if you could read the there was a text message and i was like oh of course for all we know he could be in a car to Arizona right now.

Like, hey, you have to be in Phoenix right now. He said, hey, instead of 630, come to San Francisco right now. Right now. And he's like, I got to go right now. I'm like, oh, of course, because I can't read it from across the room. Anything could be happening. He could be in a sword fight downstairs. It could have said, come downstairs in 30 seconds.

Come downstairs. We got to fight some people. Another podcast a sword fight downstairs. It could have said, come downstairs in 30 seconds. Come downstairs. We got to fight some people. Another podcast wants to fight us. Oh, that would really chap my ass. Oh, I don't like that. I don't like when your ass is chapped. That'd really chap my fucking ass, I'll tell you. Zach Toscani?

Yes, sir. Add Zach Toscani on Twitter. Yes, sir. Add Zach Toscani on Instagram. Yep, cross platforms. Cross platform. Chill in the studio. How are. Add Zach Disconti on Instagram. Yep. Cross platforms. Cross platform. Chill in the studio. Yes, sir.

How are you doing? I'm doing all right. Good. Oh. Enjoying my night? We watched your 15 minutes last night. Oh, yeah. That's right.

That's fucking awesome. Hell yeah. On Netflix. Yeah, dude. It was, am I out of line? We each took a little drink of Johnny Blue, dude. Just a whisper of the Johnny Blue. That's all you need, man.

It's such a celebratory thing. It is a smooth ride. Yeah. It's a smooth ride to a sweet place. A lot of In-N-Out, dude. Yeah. That's when I was jealous in the group text. The In-N-Out.

I was like, you guys are just going to eat In-N-Out and watch the special? Yeah. Like I don't even fucking exist. We would have loved to have had you. No. In the eight-hour window you're here today, we could do it again. I'm going to live forever, y'all. Yeah, it was real fun.

But you got something coming up. Yes, I do. Portland, August 22nd, headlining Helium Comedy. Please come out. Tickets are 10 bucks. Please. Yeah.

I'm really fucking good at stand-up. He's really good at it. You won't be disappointed. He's good at it. I mean, you'll think of different ways of implying that, but I'm just really good. Well, it's mostly just like the jokes that you guys don't do anymore. Yeah. Just kind of fill an hour.

That sounds like a lot of our old material. Yeah. Now, David's material has been the hardest for me to incorporate. Sure. Yeah. Well, you guys never yell and sweat a lot? I've been doing a lot of David's old material. I just showed Zach a picture of Nicole

and then all of my old Nicole jokes just flooded right into it. Nicole! Yeah. That's why she broke up with me because I started calling her Let's go to the Olive Garden. Now.

Please. I wasn't there for your Nicole, but you were there for my Nicole. Man, have we told that? I know we have. Where, Zach, so two of our friends were going through, three of our friends total were going through a breakup. I was with two of them at the bar. Zach calls me.

He's like, dude, I just got dumped. And I go, come out to the bar. And he goes, I can't be around any fucking people right now.'s outside yelling it dude it was a weird street yeah well so here's the thing well here's no not outside of the bar outside of my apartment so wait you were outside of your own apartment yeah i didn't you say anything yourself i didn't have my own room in this apartment it wasn't wasn't your apartment you had a couch? Yeah, so here's what it was. We were planning to, I was planning to move out to New York where she had moved for her job. So I sold all my stuff.

I got rid of everything because I was planning to move in with her. And then she broke up with me. So I didn't have any space. Now, did she do that? Did she fly back and break up with you to your face? No, no, no. That was over the phone while her dad was in town. So, you know, we couldn't get into it at that time.

Oh, God. I was like, you stay out of this. Gary, I told you this isn't your fight. His name was Guy, which always felt weird. Like, tell Guy to stay in his fucking place. What's up, Guy? Anyway. Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. August 22nd. Sure. Yeah. I will not talk about her during the show.'s gonna be rad man i'm stoked for you yeah the uh awesome i will also be at sean's album recording chilling and then we all die whole crew whole crew drunk drunk as hell yeah whole crew dying i'm gonna do some new shit. Yeah. You're just going to make some stuff up? Dog, I'm going to be up there drinking shoe polish for your shit. It's going to be fucking crazy. I'm going to be

doing angel dust before the first show. Yeah, dude. I would expect nothing less. I'm just going to introduce you just by screaming for 45 minutes. Woo! Woo! It's going to sound like a tornado alarm kind of thing.

Can I sit in the audience? Yeah, dude. Someone's going to have to hold Shane in his place in the crowd. I might be getting bucked that night. I'm going to be in the crowd with a gun trained on Shane at all times. He's going to look like Colin Farrell in Phone Booth at the end when he's got all those red dots on him. There's just going to be snipers all across the top speaking of tran guns i've been meaning to say we should get into alternative weaponry i'm into that yeah stun guns yeah yeah nets or

like a trident yeah a trident style what are you gonna do i pull up on you i hop out the whip with the trident and a net what are you gonna do what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You gonna keep tweeting at me? I'll say you were with me when my car died, but you can have it because you got a trident and a net. And I'm not about to say that you can't have it. Man, people used to roll with spears around in Hawaii for like spearfishing

where it was just the pole with the three prongs and then it had like a rubber band. So you'd grab the rubber band and grab furthest down from the pole so when you let go it would like shoot out. Right.

No, that's sort of it. Do this. I loved it. You're not the best shot but you're a quiet shot. Emptied the clip into him hit him once. I got the quietest shot in the game. I'm into i'm an alternative weapons man yeah i think it just could be cool

i mean you've seen me i with nunchucks oh i've seen you with that's a fairly alternative i want a skill weapon that i had to earn it yeah you know what i mean yeah let these motherfuckers know that it's real but that like i practice i've been quietly mastering the shooter con they think i'm going to work every day those Those are the sticks? No, that's the ninja star. Oh, do we have a bo staff guy yet? No. I think that's like being the bassist of the body crew. It definitely is.

Brute boy. I'm just pretty cool, man. I'm back here. I'm like that guy in the roots just smoking blunts while I'm bo staffed. Hey Jake, we hit a deer. It's not fully dead. You gotta go kill it with your bo staff. We have canceled the beach blanket bonanza that was

gonna be happening across the street from Zach's show. Yeah. Just for the record. Just out of being nice. The beach boys, we pay their deposit, but they're not gonna come. Yeah, you know. I heard it was the fire marshal had to shut it down. Well, you heard wrong, my friend.

The fire marshal. By the fire marshal, you mean Marshall Mathers, Eminem, who was slated to perform. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

He was going to have that Jason mask on and a chainsaw and everything. Yeah. Dre was going to be, it was going to be the Up and Smoke Tour, actually. It was going to be the Up and Smoke Tour part two. But like on,

in like a makeshift beach at a venue. We were running out this big venue, big event space. Andre 3000 canceled. He's going to be working on an aquarium for people. I mean, there's still going to be, and this was all going to happen at the Lucky Lab,

which is across the street. Yeah, like very dog-friendly space, you know, if you want to bring your dog. They don't let dogs in there anymore. Show at Healing. What? At the Lucky Lab, they don't let dogs in there? I don't think so.

Well, that's stupid. That sounds like the unlucky episode. They still let dogs in grocery stores in that city and they won't let them into the lucky lab? You sounded angry about that. It was the first time I ever really saw dogs get into banks and shit. They bring them everywhere in Portland. Making deposits. It's crazy. And by dogs

he means Puerto Ricans. Whoa! Whoa, Sean! David! Borey! I don't know where that came from. I don't know why I said that. I wrote that. I was up all night. I flew in this morning. I'm violent know where that came from. I don't know why I said that. I wrote that. I was up all night. I flew in this morning. I'm violent. Sean's a racist. I wrote that on a piece of paper.

I wrote that on a piece of paper and showed it to you, expecting you not to say it on the mic. Listen, you know what it is. You know, in Portland, I actually went into a casino and I saw a bunch of dogs at a table playing a card game. I'm not talking about what I think is that you're talking about. I'm not talking about birds I think is that you're talking about. I'm not talking about furtions. Some type of people.

I'm not. Talking about animals, and it was the painting. Where all the dogs are playing poker. I was trying to make a joke, and now you're painting me like a racist prick. Let's run this story back. You were at a casino in Portland, Oregon. I was at a casino in Schmishmamish, Washington. Oh, yeah.

Schmishmamish. Snohomish? I went up there to Schmishmomish or Schmishmamish. Snohomish? Schumash? Schmishfumash? Schumash. Oh, Schumash is down here. Right? I don't know. I don't know, yeah. Snohomish. Snohomish? I went up there to Smishmomish or Smishmammish. Snohomish? Shumash? Shumash? Shumash. Oh, Shumash is down here.

Right? I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. When you're fucking international. Mr. International, dude. Player with a passport. Oregon and California seem like the same thing.

Anything else to promote Zach? Zachala? Calzacula of Glensylvania? No, I think that's it. All right, great. Calzacula of Glensylvania, dude. I'm Ian Carmel. Yeah, you are. At Ian of Glensylvania, dude. I'm Ian Carmel. Yeah, you are.

At Ian Carmel on Twitter. Yeah, yeah. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. Fuck! At One Tight Israelite on J-Date. Wait, is that for real? No. What is your J-Date name?

It fucking should be, dude. I don't even have one. I'm not on J-Date. I was going to say, you should drop that shit like your Uber coach. I should get on J-Date, man. I think you would really clean up.

I'm now in the part of my life where i just want a loud jewish woman who's mean to me but won't go anywhere who's just like just to sort of ruin ruin my self-esteem but in a good way uh-huh you know where i just sort of succumb to buying her a house with a pool and i don't have to worry about dating anymore yeah and then you'll have a house with a pool yeah exactly you're coming around on the amy dunn thing she could wait who's Amy Dunn? The psycho from fucking Gone Girl.

No, because I don't want someone who will frame me for murder. I just want someone to yell at me when I don't pick up my clothes. Take a shower with some other dude's blood

all over and make you get in there? I don't think so, Zach. Not on my fucking watch. Thank you. Not in my fucking game, dude. For God's sake. You heard me.

I'm staring at you for a reason, you lunatic. I basically want Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, dude. For God's sake. You heard me. I'm staring at you for a reason, you lunatic. I basically want Susie from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like J-Date is where I'm going to find that person.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I can see you finding that person. Good afternoon, General Petraeus. What do I got going on? Nothing.

Come see us at High Plains. We're going to be doing the live episode at High Plains. We'll all be doing stand-up at High Plains. Oh, yeah. As soon as we find that,

we got to get the- I might get some fireworks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. As soon as we find that, we got to get the- I might get some fireworks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Buy them now. Stash them away. Anything could happen. I got a dude.

It's just a dude I know who lives by Wyoming. Yeah. Are they not? They don't have them in Colorado? No, but Wyoming, across the border. Oh, dude, you think I've never been to Gillette? You think I've never been to Sheridan? I've been to both of those cities. You think I've never been to Sheridan? I've been to both of those cities.

You think I've never been to Casper? I've done Wyoming, dude. Oh, man. Wyoming, fuck. You ever get into Laramie? Yeah, I've been to Laramie, dude. My Uncle Bill is, I guarantee... They let you drive four-wheelers in the street.

Oh, really? Yeah. I can get into Laramie. They let you do that. Like their cars. They let you do that. Jet skis on the land. Sioux Falls, they do that.

Really? Yeah, they'll roll around packs of four-wheelers. No helmets on, like street-legal four-wheelers. Philly, too. Yeah. Well, Philly, those are different. I'd love to see the Sioux'll roll around packs of four-wheelers. No helmets on, like street-legal four-wheelers. Philly, too. Yeah. Well, Philly, those are different. I'd love to see the Sioux Falls meet the Philly four-wheeler, too.

Hey, it's all, it's just, they just love the culture. Probably. Just offering culture. Yeah, man. All right. Watch my special on Netflix.

Dude, it was dang. Check that out. Yes, yes, yes. Comedy lineup. Buy my album 9.2 on Pitchfork. Listen to All Fantasy Everything on the HeadGum Network please do

please do uh fuck I don't have much else to say London the second time was pretty dope we haven't really caught up I went to London yeah

I uh I went to I saw the Rolling Stones in London which was very tight yeah some chavs there were they tight

like how old are they on right now they still fucking got it alright that's good to know because they're 94. They're so old. Nick is still up there doing the dance moves

and like selling it. He ain't going to lose it until he's six feet deep, man. He invented that too, man. He invented it. You got to respect that. Just a... That like...

Yeah, that weird like bird. You're good at it, dude. Well, it's because people of the Bay Area adapted it to their own style of dance. There's a lot of people from the Bay who dance very similar to Mick Jagger. Oh, shit. I never even thought about that before.

There is a direct line. Wow. He fathered many styles. Wow. Styles from beyond. He's got so many kids. Yeah. S-T-Y-L-E-S, beyond.

Yep, yep, yep. Father Abraham had many sons. He's up there making all the faces, doing the finger points. Is it still, is he locked down to one lady or is he still? I think he bounces around a little bit. He's still dragging it through the dirt. I think he's involved in a paternity suit right now. Whoa. And he's in

his 70s. Whoa. Mine's not even gonna work. No, his fish still swim, man. It's crazy. This dude's 70s shooting up the club still? Yeah, shooting up the club. Get up the club get out of here i don't know you should have learned by now this is no place for a gun it's nothing for him he's i guess he's not thinking about the kid which sucks you know but like because okay having a dead dad still mick jagger still mick jagger pretty awesome yes yeah you know what i mean yeah he died when i was six what do you want my dad's still Mick Jagger? Still Mick Jagger. Pretty awesome. Yes.

You know what I mean? Yeah, he died when I was six. What do you want? My dad's Mick Jagger. Yeah. I got a lot of his money. Yeah, I'm driving a Maserati. I can do this face.

You know what I mean? I'm the only one who can do these dance moves respectably anymore. His other kids can't do it. His other 15 or whatever kids. Is he like deep in? He's got hella kids. He's got hella kids all over the place.

Are they doing anything? Someone's got to be like an in- He's got hella kids. I think he's got hella kids all over the place. Are they doing anything? Someone's got to be like an artist. One of them was an actor. One of them was in that show Vinyl that was on HBO. One of Mick Jagger's kids was in Vinyl? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't seen Vinyl, so I couldn't tell you which one, but I think he was in it. I haven't either. I almost got in a fight at that concert because I got a big mouth and I brought it with me to England. Oh, man. I think you had to check it. You were going to tune up a couple chavs? Yeah.

So, like, I went with two other writers, and they stayed outside to buy some beer. And I was like, cool, I'll go in and get us a spot because we were on the ground. And I went in, and there was a woman selling beer out of her backpack. Like, sanctioned, you know. But she had, like, this big backpack that had beers in it. She had to pour them into a glass and then hand the cup to you. And so there was a line, and it took about 10 minutes for me to get to the front of it. I just, I got a picture.

So there's one guy in front of me, right? And she's like, oh, I only have four beers left. You can only each buy two anyway. And I'm like, oh. Oh, that's like the rules. Perfect. Yeah, you can only buy two of them. She's like, I only two anyway. And I'm like, oh, that's like the rules. Perfect. Yeah, you can only buy two of them. She's like, I only have four left. I'm like, sweet. This worked out

perfectly. Those last two are for me. And as soon as the guy in front of me gets to the front of it, he calls over his buddies. No. Hey, oh, he calls over his buddies. He calls them up. I was like, nah. You didn't put in on this, homie. I've been waiting on this line for like 10 minutes.

One of those is for me. You can have, if you need to get three of them, whatever. I'm not, you know, but like one of those beers is for me. And he's like, no, it's not, mate. What are you going to do? What are you going to do, mate? Oh, shit. And he was like kind of a thick, like idiot kind of guy.

Oh, man. They got brick necks out there, dude. Brick necks, dude. Yeah, because they fucking looking like SpongebobPants in a polo button all the way up. Yeah, like Jason and Statham, but if he had to be a plumber, not a karate man. Right, exactly. So he's angry. There's no peace in him whatsoever.

I know exactly. That's scary. And his dad is thick, too. His dad is like a fucking boulder. Oh, my God. So it's him, his dad, and like two of his buddies. Oh, God. All those dudes play snooker all play snooker they're fucking dumb dude they all voted for brexit just like a bunch of idiots

and i was like i was like oh so you're gonna just fucking like cut like that you're gonna bring your friends up you're gonna like back cut and shit and he's like what are you gonna just like what are you gonna do what are you gonna just like he didn't care there was nothing i could say this is a football I couldn't shame him. I'm like, oh, I'm not going to fight at the Rolling Stones concert. Over a Boddington's? Yeah, exactly. You're a head writer now.

Over one beer. So I walked backwards away from him chirping the whole time. I still gave it to him. Oh, yeah, give him the next step. Something. I gave him the whole fucking you know i still gave it to him oh yeah give him the next step yeah something i gave him the whole i gave him the whole fucking the the news and the weather but what a dickhead no just a dickhead and a fucking adult cutting like that that's a shit move what are you doing man yeah yep as they say over there that's shot bro and once the dad gets involved you're like oh this is like a very intergenerational shitty person.

Yeah. Oh, no, they're bonding at this point. Yeah, yeah, they love it. Yeah. Like, that's like, they're already. It's the one thing that could bring them back together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, they might as well be in the wood shop making a Pinewood Derby car.

Yeah. That's what this is. I just hadn't seen that part of London before. It was kind of exciting to see. I'm like, oh, here they are. Here's the fucking idiots. Well, because you were out in the cuts a little bit, right? We were way north. We were like an hour north of London before. It was kind of exciting to see. I'm like, oh, here they are. Here's the fucking idiots. Well, because you were out in the cuts a little bit, right? We were way north.

We were like an hour north of London. Yeah. Twickenham. Twickenham. For those in the know. Twickenham Stadium. God, that's tight. That's a mixtape for sure.

Twickenham. It's like somebody's shooting heroin on the way there. Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham. Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham. Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham, Twickenham. Twickenham, Twickenham. Me and my dude are in the Peaky Blinders yeah

yeah exactly that's my favorite show because it's so cosmic Peaky Blinders the whole time you tell that story Zach's over there

fiddling with a Rice Krispie treat trying to not make noise I know quietly open it rip the bandaid off nah dude Mission Impossible over here you gotta have patience

I'm uncomfortable with Zach's Christian Ronaldo legs. Oh, yeah. It's got thick thighs. Jeez. Jeez Louise. The cannons.

Battle stations are go. I don't know why you're sweating. We flipped it on you. Sean's wearing pants. I'm wearing mesh shorts. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know what to do.

I'm wearing sweatshorts. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, you're like dressed for a wedding. I am. For you. I am. For you. I am. My shirt would have a skateboard on it.

Who the fuck's getting married? It's like a puzzle, goddammit. I totally have friends like that. Oh, yeah, these are my wedding shorts, dude. Dude, we went. My friends Wes and Becca got married, and our dude Kinner shows up, my Kinner so he's got this buck tattoo on his forearm that looks it's all old English

so it's pretty buck looking already he had a short sleeve black button up on he had locs on I think he had a Raiders hat on like a flat bill Raiders hat I'm like Kinner we're not at Eazy E's funeral dude we're at Wes and Becca's wedding that's not what you wear he for sure came ready to pour some out just like

regardless of occasion I don't know if we brought it up what you wear. He for sure came ready to pour some out. Just like regardless of occasion. I don't know if we brought it up on the podcast, but the wet wizard, Shane Torres. Oh yeah,

the wet wizard. For the wedding in New Hampshire. He looked amazing. He waited till the day of the wedding to say that he had to wash his suit.

Wash. Yeah, you can't wash a suit. His suit. What? He beat the shit out of you, dude. Wash it and put it in a dryer and then it was... A suit? Yes. Yes. The day of the

wedding. We had to like take time out of our day. So then we get to the wedding. What kind of detergent did he use? I don't know. Water. He and Sean left. We went across the street to this mall. We were like, alright, this is gonna be like an hour and a half at least. I've never seen someone wash a suit but then we we got to the wedding and it was on a dirt road so the car was covered in dirt so as soon as he gets out of the car with his suit on he leads

against the car he would dude god he's just covered in dirt we we sort of we smirked and he looked right at zach and he goes Don't say a fucking word And I'll tell you Who didn't say a word Zach None of us said a goddamn word You gotta let him just sit in there Oh yeah

That's too good Because one of these days He's gonna I've always thought I'd come over to Zach's apartment One day and Shane Would just be grinding Zach's face into the parking lot

Like in Fargo Just putting my leg In a chip grinder When you hear the When you hear the rattle The Texas rattlesnakes Rattle going, you got to back off. We need to burn some beads to the end of his hair so it shakes.

So he can just grab it and shake it when you've gone too far. All right. Sorry, dude. Sorry. Sorry. Buy his album. Buy Shane's album. Buy Shane's album. He's great. You're the best. But I'll give you a 9.2 on Pitchfork. Sorry, dude. Sorry. Sorry. Buy his album. Buy Shane's album. Buy Shane's album.

He's great. You're the best. But I'll give you like 9.21 pitch for it. Or an album. We just miss you, Shane. Come here and hang out. Yeah. For God's sake.

If you were here all the time, you could fight us in person. Yeah, exactly. That's all I want. I just song for a week. I'm good. That's true. Yeah. Yeah.

And then that kind of sums up the London trip. We went to this pub called the Duke of Kendall where one person plays piano and everybody sings pub songs. Oh, I saw that on your Instagram. You just sit there and you drink beer and you sing. Do you drink warm beer? No, it's cold. Yeah.

Maybe in Germany they do that, but yeah, in England it's mostly cold now. What's their Coors Light? What are you drinking? What was in in heavy what are david and i drinking yeah what do you drink on the streets what comes in 40 ounces damn i don't even i don't even really know it's all like all kind of it's all pretty good yeah it's all like pretty good the way that coors light is fine you know what I mean yeah they don't really have like micro brews so much I noticed okay I drink a lot of Guinness uh yeah and you know me I'm a tequila man so I was drinking tequila uh we're gathered here today not just to talk about

the trip to London but also to draft uh to draft fantasy style uh Action movie heroes? Question mark? Action movie roles? Action movie characters? We'll see. David's got his shirt halfway off. I'll take it off. I will take it off.

Let's just get into the mix and see what happens. What does the word hero even mean? That's one of the questions we're going to interrogate and investigate today. Now, we do this draft fantasy style. And to determine the order of the draft, we do that through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. I'm shooting up today. Play between the three of you. You're going up.

I'm not going to do. I'm not making that mistake. You're going to lose. Metal snake, dog. Oh, shit. It's like you're jacking off a ghost. We throw and shoot. We throw and shoot.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Yeah. Oh, Chant scissors, shoot. Yeah. Oh, Chantel Jordan. What's up? Chantel Jordan. Okay. Me.

Me. Guess who's going last, dude? Me, bro. Okay. Me. That's what I do. I walk down Skid Row doing that a lot. Me.

Fucking me, dude. I go into the gas station. I go, I set the Gatorade down. I go, you know who that's for? Me, bro. When I got promoted, dude, that's what I did. I walked into the gas station. I set the Gatorade down. I go, you know who that's for? Me, bro. When I got promoted, dude, that's what I did. I walked through the hallways of the office. Me.

Fucking me, broski. Hey, hey. Me, dude. No one else. Me. And the other co-head writer. Us, dude. Us, dudes. Fucking us,head writer. Us, dude. Us, dude.

Fucking us, bro. But me, too. Me most. Me mostly. For me, me. Me. For her, her, too. For her, her.

For her. And, you know, in reality, us. But me. Them. Them for us. But fucking me, bro. Me. When you boil it down.

Someone's just trying to get to the microwave. You're just standing in front of it. Fucking me, dude. I'll heat that up, bro. Me. When you boil it down. Someone's just trying to get to the microwave. You're just standing in front of it. Fucking me, dude. I'll heat that up, dude. Me. I will handle that. Give me that hot pocket. Yonk.

And then I hand it back. And it's hot. Yonk. You say it and then hand it back. This is still cold. Me, Cynthia. It's frozen in the middle me dog

it's colder it's not important it's fucking colder now yeah they hit it dude you give it back to them but it's frozen solid fuck your lunch oh me

me bro me me and Carmel so I'm first what's the order of the draft Sean before you determine that by the way

I'd like to remind you. What type of draft is it? It is a serpentine draft. What does that mean? Oh, it's an excellent question. Wow. You simple, simple dipshit. Let's say I'm drinking honey meat out of a buffalo.

Let's say me and Allie are together, and then we break up. Yeah, let's say you're walking back and forth in front of your house, screaming obscenities. You go to one end of the parking lot. You scream something crazy that nobody knows what it means. Like, I can't be around any fucking people. Then you hang out there

for a while and then you look up in the window and you go, what the fuck are you looking at? And then you walk to the other side

of the parking lot and you go, what the fuck? Give me a fucking LaCroix to a stranger. And then they look at you and you're like, who's Allie anyways?

I don't even fucking care. And you go back to the other end of the parking lot and you're like, I'm cool, bro. Sorry about what I said earlier. Basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. I mean, yeah.

If we're around a bunch of chavs, I guess. A bunch of chavs in it mental proper, bro. In it mental proper what? We are gathered here in gorgeous HeadGum Studios in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. We are gathered here in gorgeous HeadGum Studios in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. Just a... Woo! Woo! It's just a soft, hot wind from a...

Just a quarterback sneak away from... Just a QB sneak. Just a tail on a trotter away. From Skid Row. From Skid Row. Dude, no real context here, but we were watching this Grillmaster show the other day. Sure. And they were cooking a whole hog.

And you know the level of my maturity. How come you always make the penis hand when you say the word hog? Because what do you think of? They were cooking a whole hog. Rocked up. One of the guy's names was Rod. So it's another term for dick. And they were cooking a whole hog and they're like, I just can't wait to see Rod's whole hog.

I was like on the ground laughing. And I told Laura, my grown woman of a girlfriend, and she looked at me like, I just said two plus two is 17. She looked gone. Rod's whole hog is very funny. That's, come on.

Whole hog is the best. That's good in any hood. That's funny. Yeah. You know, I just, I can't wait to see what Rod did with his whole hog. I bet he jacked it off.

I don't want to be. More caramel going there? What is the order of the draft going to be? It's going to be me, Sean, Ian, Zach, David. Sean, Ian, Calzacula from Glensylvania, David. Zach Holliday. I'm almost 100% sure I know your first pick. I don't know.

I don't. Man, I wish there was a way for me to let you guess what you think my first pick is. I guess just, you know, tell me if I got it. So my first pick is going to be the character John McClane. Oh. Bruce Willis from Die Hard. You fool. That's not what you thought?

No. What are you? You blew it. In my eyes, the best action. Wait till my pick. You blew it. We jumped into that with so little ceremony yeah sorry really weird i feel weird right now the draft started now i was just talking about john mcclain we can start drafting whenever you're a private jet and you're like we're up in the air already you You know how that is. I mean, who doesn't, dude?

I'm up in the jets. Drake's always points down, he goes, there's Toronto. I'm like, oh, cool, Drake. I didn't even realize we were in the air yet. We just flew out of Calabasas. He's got a long finger. Yeah, John McClane. John McClane from Die Hard. For me, that's the quintessential action hero.

And that character is just... When they're at the... That movie is action-packed from the jump. Yeah, it starts out with action. And he's just so cool. He doesn't have shoes on for a lot of it. Yeah, that's maybe

the gnarliest part. That's like walking around with genitals out. You just don't have shoes on. You're too exposed. Too exposed. What about when I was younger. What about cuts between your toes? So he puts his feet up to the dudes he kills. He puts his feet up to theirs. And I didn't realize that when I was a kid.

Because I'm like, why doesn't he just steal shoes? But they do address that in the movie. So it's really cool. He throws the one dude down the stairs. He's like, I only. Because that guy was huge. And he's like, really? Nine and a half?

Something like that? Which, if you guys are listening respectable shoe size don't feel bad about but i think that guy was like six foot four this guy was like a seven foot swede yeah yeah nine nine and a half size feet that was the how big are we are we to understand bruce willie's feet are on that right i can't probably he's an eight and a half he's a short man right he's a tiny guy yeah he's not he's not. But this is John McClane we're talking about. Sure, okay. But John McClane?

Fourteens. His file was destroyed. I don't give a shit how tall they are. John McClane and Shaq, dude, getting tailor-made Nikes. Just boats. Yeah. He's just to me. And he's the kind of action hero you were like, I want to be with him the whole ride.

Because he's like a smart ass. You know what I mean? It's not always him him reacting he's like uh he's smoking cigarettes captain kangaroo yeah if he found a bar in one of those in one of those like empty offices he'd be like yeah get drunk what do i give a shit he's always he's always covered in blood but never seems to be bleeding from anywhere yeah right that sort of like that sooty blood yeah you gotta get covered in soot if you're gonna to be actioning. What I love about John McClane is he's aware of how much it sucks. Yep.

The whole time he's just like, fuck it. God damn it. This is a bummer. Like when they shoot the glass, he's like, God, fuck. And he knows he's got to run across it. Yeah. Don't do it. What the fuck?

He's in the catacombs and he walks past Where all it seems like the inner workers of the hotel are And they have that calendar of the naked girl And he just comes back and pats it And just keeps going He's just on a mission to save his own life And all the hostages but still just like Well that's the thing I was going to bring up He will try to save your life even if you try to

Fuck his wife That's a good dude Right? Regardless of whatever you've done to him He he's like, listen, you're innocent in this situation. I'll throw that on the gauntlet right now. You fuck my wife, I'm not doing shit for you. Yeah, exactly. Or my kid.

Even if I think you might, I'm not going to. If I think you want to fuck my wife, you're not coming over. Yeah. Fucking hanging out. If I have a wife, I'm not going to save you. Yeah. That's straight up. I'm good.

I got responsibilities now. I got my whole life to take. I'm over here. I got to focus on me right now. You got that pool. You can't be out here. Right, exactly. She's going to be here.

Running across class for you. If I don't have a minute after 7 p.m., she's going to be so mad at me. She will yell at you, dude. Oh, my God. The super tight Israelite. What was it? One tight Israelite. One tight Israelite, dude. Yeah, man. John McClane. John McClane. dude oh my god the the super tight israelite what was it one tight israel one tight dude

yeah man john mclean he's just that's that movie is so damn near my favorite action movie of all time it's just and it's timeless it does nothing gets old with that movie nothing wears out everything holds up it's one of the first bromances in an action movie that i can remember with him and um reginald bell? Yeah. I can't remember what his is it Carl? I think it's Carl. Yeah. A lot of people don't know Family Matters is a diehard spin-off. It is a diehard spin-off.

When he went home that night. Yeah, exactly. Harriet, you're not going to believe what happened. She was pregnant with Darius McRae. I can't remember what it was. Man, we're getting in it. Alright. Alright. Whoa, Darius McRray was a deep cut yeah dude you know eddie winslow's real name i don't know anything about you that wasn't pretty you've never seen my back tattoo of darius mccray it's darius mccray that

was a big layer to the onion you just peeled back yeah that was i can remember the title scene in my head first the belg Belgian horse and now this? Well, that's what I call him. The Belgian horse. Come home. Harriet's pregnant with Darius McCrae. Yeah, he's a good movie, Die Hard, but he's rooting for Alan Rickman the whole time.

Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Mr. McCClung. David. Mr. McClung. But then you do Mr. Takagi. Mr. Takagi. One of Rickman's best for sure.

Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. The Rickman. The for sure Oh god Hell yeah The two Johnsons Johnson and Johnson We're not related Yeah that movie's dope And John McClane is dope in it Excellent first pick

With the second pick Of the action movie heroes I didn't even realize that All fantasy everything draft uh i'm gonna i gotta i'm gonna take a classic i'm gonna take john rambo yeah hell yeah i can't yeah love it that's body count wise love it he also reluctant reluctant reluctant they drew first blood not he doesn't want to be doing that no the rest of the unintelligible shit he said in that garage that day. I don't know what to do! Okay, Matt!

Every conversation he has sounds like it's happening a room over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, underwater. I think he's yelling about drawing first blood. I'm not... I don't... I think my parents are getting divorced again. Okay, yeah. And then he gets all, like, worked up up and he's like i don't care where's the pickles on it did you just say put some pickles on it i said a lot of stuff he's in a subway he acts the same way no matter what yeah john rambo's gonna john rambo yeah don't worry

about it he wants some pickles on it he in first blood he does he takes you on a journey in first blood he's just passing through yeah he just he. In First Blood, he's just passing through. Yeah. He doesn't even want beef. He's just trying to pass through. He's a Vietnam vet, for God's sake. Is First Blood the one with the arrows that explode? No.

Okay. First Blood's the one that's all in that little town in Oregon. It's in Oregon. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's where they drew First Blood. Word.

Not him. Right. And then he evolves, or devolves, as it were. I think devolves. Devol him right and then he evolves or devolves devolves and then he's all over cambodia or whatever goes back killing like 80 people shooting tanks with yeah exploding arrows and bringing down helicopters and shit it's something crazy there i forget the the stat but from the first one the body count was like 10 or something not i think it was like three is that what it was yeah and the first one the body count was like 10 or something not it was like three is that what it was yeah and the last one was like like a hundred in the last one he killed so many

indigenous people yeah yeah and like we can give it to you one way or the other yeah it really he can be nice or he can be he can do it really is wild what happened with that franchise because it's like if like we wanted more blood yeah we wanted more they didn't want it to be that the first one was supposed to be a commentary on how we treat veterans and the second one was just like nah fucking crazy it'd be like it's like if they made a well no no i was gonna say if there will be blood had like five more installments and he just became like a murderer yeah there will be the most blood well forrest gump had to go back to Vietnam and the second one he just like kills 80 people.

He fucking killed Bubba. He comes back. Whoa, Forrest Gump reloaded. He's hitting fucking like exploding ping pong balls at people. You infected Jenny. Just like Agent Orange ping pong ball. He's just running in the jungle screaming, Jenny!

This is the part of that movie they ran with. All right. Okay. Yeah. He's also one of those dudes. Great hair, by the way. Great like 80s action hair. Thin tank top.

Thin tank top. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Just spaghetti. Isn't that red? But it's not a bandana. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

It's the Ryu thing. Yeah. It's like a huge shoelace is what it looks like. Where did he get that? Why is it red? Well, yeah, you wonder if it was white and it was dipped in blood or something. Oh, I didn't even think about that. He's another guy who's covered in that soot blood combo.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Constantly. Constantly. Is that the color he is? Well, it's like a varnish. It's a little bit black, a little bit red, and it's weird. It's hard to call. Yeah, like

5% Stallone. It's 5% It's 5% pleasure, 50% pain. 100% reason to remember the name. That's all we really know. John Rambo. That's all we really know about him. Oh my god, it'd be funny to do the percentages for these characters. 5% blood, 10%

sin. Dude, 50% pain definitely holds up for John McClane. Pleasure pain thing. John McClane is, I don't know, there's a little more pleasure. Yeah, he gets a little pleasure. I think John McClane's like, I think he's having a low key. He's having a good time. I think he's like 20, 30% pleasure.

I think it's a 20, yeah. Because he's locking into his potential. A lot of pain, 30% pain. 20% pleasure, 30% math works. 20% pleasure, 30% pain. And then, all right. John Rambo in the first one, 5% pleasure, 30% math works. 20% pleasure, 30% pain. And then, all right. John Rambo in the first one, 5% pleasure, 50% pain. Yeah, 100%.

In the second one, 50% pleasure, 5% pain. Yeah, I think that's fair. How much concentrated power of will? 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In every movie. In all of them. In all of them.

You know Stallone is like an anti-gun guy? Which is crazy. No. You could not tell by his body of work. Let know Stallone is like an anti-gun guy? No, I didn't know. You could not tell by his body of work. Let me make sure that's true. The guy from The Expendables? Frank Stallone probably not that way, though. Frank Stallone, he's got a gut on him right now.

Oh, yeah. He's a Trump dude. He keeps that thing on him. Steve Wolterstorff, also not that way. It's my Uncle Steve. Really brought it down. Really brought it down, and I apologize for doing so. He's a Uncle Steve. Really brought it down. Really brought it down, and I apologize for doing so. Yeah, he's a big anti-gun guy.

Wow. Yeah. Good. It's crazy, because he's the first guy I ever saw and thought guns are cool. Yeah, right? I know.

That's probably what he's trying to make up for. And now I'm being fed an Ashley Madison ad. Oh, you are married. Podcast over. They've been real aggressive lately. Sorry, Sheila. I feel like they pop up on my grow up. If you were John McClane, you're like. Podcast over. They've been real aggressive lately. Sorry, Sheila. I feel like they pop up on my grow up. If you were John McClane, you're like, eh, have her.

I'm fine. Just parachute off the building. Speaking of parachuting off a building, well, Zach, it's time for you to parachute into your first pick. Okay. Guns a-blazin'. All right. First pick, I'm going to go with Indiana Jones from The Last Crusade. Okay.

You don't have to, but okay. Yeah, yeah. I just like getting specific with that. But yeah, Indiana Jones, he's at the kind of level of action that I like where it's not, you're not doing anything too crazy that I couldn't hang with him. And it's like kind of based in history, which is, I got my degree and then I always just think that's bad. Which is why your next four picks will be the Monuments Men. Yeah, exactly. Abraham Lincoln. Now he

did the most action. He was a vampire hunter, according to one movie. Yeah, Indiana Jones. A character, an action hero, who is often propelled by cowardice. Yes. Which is an interesting character. Yeah. I like that, because he still gets it done. I can relate to it, too.

Yeah, I'm scared of everything. It's a realistic sit where you're like, well, obviously I'm freaked out. I don't want to just rip someone's heart out. I'm going to go down there and fucking tell him what's up. Yeah, sometimes he's too drunk for the job. I cannot relate. Sometimes he gets like a nine-year-old to help him. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He does whatever is required. Oh, is that the last piece? No, that was Temple. I guess now I'm just speaking to the broader... His broader aspect. Is Last Crusade the one where that dude gets chopped up by the airplane propellers? No, that was the first one.

Last Crusade was... Last Crusade was with the Holy Grail with Sean Connery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, with his dad. He had a young Indy, too, which is awesome. Which is like... I don't remember when the dad comes Indy too, which is awesome, which is like, so I brought this up. Dad comes in and you're like, Ooh,

this is like a, yeah, I see. Like, you know, and he has the remix. Let me get the full flip. I like the dichotomy of that prison cell.

I do like the dichotomy of this prison cell. They both fall in love with the same girl for a little bit. Oh yeah. Played by a, what's your name? Uh, it was Elsa in the movie, but I can't remember the actress's name.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. That would have been totally forbidden for you as a kid. What? Elsa? Oh, yeah.

Well, just like, yeah. Yeah. Your dad's girlfriend? Is that what? That's that Spice. No, no, no. In that movie, she was like a Nazi spy. Oh, yeah.

Alison Doody. Yeah. Yeah. It is. You were thinking it. I don't, yeah. Alice in Duty. Yeah. It is. You were thinking it. I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. My doppelganger, Jonathan Rhys-Davis is in this movie.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He comes back. Yeah, he was in the first one. But yeah, Indiana Jones, man. And you get to hang out in museums. And also in The Last Crusade, I didn't pick this up. And you get to hang out in museums.

I like museums. But you just threw it in and then just kept right yeah well you get to see old shit that's cool yeah but also there's like a part in the last crusade that i didn't i watched it recently where when he comes back because he's when it comes back to him as like the older you know it starts with him as a teenager and when he's like back as a teacher and he goes into his office, there's just, everyone is waiting for him. Cause he's not graded any papers. He has done no work. And he's like,

I have to, and he just, he goes into his office and escapes through the window. So it's just this funny thing that I never thought about. Like, Oh yeah. If he's doing all this shit around the world, there's no way that he could still be grading papers.

He's still getting a paycheck. Like Indy, you're, you're well out of vacation time. You're getting into VTO and sick time, my friend. We're going to need you back in the classroom. Listen, you have- These papers are dustier than the artifacts that you're collecting, my friend. And as a college student, you're like, I need, please give me my grade. I can't graduate if you don't give me my grade.

We're at Yale. Did I ever say which school he taught at would they ever put a name on it i think they maybe in the crystal skull they might have put a location on it but that one is so bad yeah it's so bad ancient aliens the movie oh man when i saw that the movie burnt out like the film burnt out right as the the crystal skull happened in like the alien light yeah so it just felt like a crazy end of the movie where they just ended it in the middle that's what you would you would rather have that yeah exactly that's absurd anyway indiana jones indiana jones knows where on the gun hey snakes yeah david boring it's time for your first pick my first pick this is not the one i'm gonna take

from you i'm saving that for the second because you blew it uh my kid my first pick i think just the quintessential action hero carried an entire franchise yes i'm giving up for lieutenant ellen ripley oh yeah from alien hell yeah dude also looks good dirty and she's the best looks great dirty looks great dirty and i love that hero where it's like now it's the second or third movie we know what's's up. They don't know what's up. And they're like, who are you? You blast from the past. You artifact. And she's like, yo, these aliens will fucking kill you.

Like, I love, like, we don't listen to her. And then she's got to clean up the mess. She's got to fuck. She tried to tell him. Yeah, she tried to tell him. Ripley knows how it goes. One of the most important things about it, looking good dirty is one of the low-key most important things about an action star. dirty is one of the low-key most important things

about an action star. Huge. That is very huge. And Ripley is like the perfect, like, yeah, she's got the soot always. Oh, bald Ripley was bald. Bald Ripley was bald. She had looks.

You either got to have hella hair or no hair. Yeah. That's an important one. That's hot. Those giant future guns. Just that gun where you're like, fuck, that's a big gun, dude. And then she doesn't even really know how to use it because she's not in her time. Yeah.

Yeah. She gets in that big fucking- Like that mech suit. That mech suit, right? Or the classic one she's face to face. Oh, God. And then the double thing comes out. Yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Shout out to H.R. Giger. Yeah, H.R. Giger. The artist who designed the aliens. Really? Yeah. I wouldn't have known that. See?

I don't know how I knew it. It's your Darius McRae. Yeah, there's just shit in there. She's like 0% pleasure. No, she does not want it to rain's at now she's out of her time she's not even doing it to save her loved ones she's just on some fuck these alien shit yeah yeah no pleasure looks good in a tank top that's good for an important for yeah you gotta have a tank top you gotta have a tank top i haven't man i haven't those are all on hbo i haven't seen those

oh you gotta watch that you forget how old those movies are too yeah alien the first one came out in like the late 70s right early 80s around then yeah right around the time i came into the world okay okay a lot of people compare that you know those two things those two world events those times but yeah dude ellen ripley that was like yeah ripley dude going by one name like the ability to just go by one name oh yeah john mclean doesn't have that but look he gets because he had to be our everyman people yelled mclean a lot yeah in those movies if you yell up mclean you know are we gonna immediately know devoid of context if i yell up rambo right yeah yeah yeah

i guess Indy Yeah If you said Ripley That's the only one I would think of Ripley If people yell Indy I'm like the music The person I love it all

Sure The 500 You must be talking about The Indy 500 The 500 The Indy Yeah 500 laps around that track

Annapolis Now it is a serpentine draft So that means The GS title has a second pick So my second pick Look me in the eyes We don't have to all go heroes. Sometimes I like some spicy sauce.

You know what I mean? I dabble in the dark. I make friends with strangers. You know what I'm saying? I'm going Alonzo Harris from Training Day. Oh. You motherfucker. I got him.

Who's better than that? Who's a better bad guy than that in a goddamn action movie? He clapped with guns at one point. That's fucking amazing. He clapped with guns. That's not for clapping. See, the thing that,

because you can put the, like, he was a good, sort of a good dude. You're going to try to put me in a box right now? No. Oh, okay. No, I'm just saying he, like, Whoa, sorry, I got you.

He did do a couple things that weren't, like, you know, beat the shit out of those dudes. And, I'm just saying he did do a couple things that weren't like, you know, beat the shit out of those dudes. I mean, he wasn't jumping at the chance. And gambled with the Russians. He was a bad guy, sure. Wait, do you not know that he was the bad guy in that movie? No, I'm well aware that he was the bad guy

in the movie. Be funny if you're like, man, why does Ethan Hawke have to keep living in the end? I'm just saying, I'm kind of with you where it's like, there's definitely stuff he did that was good. Yeah. But in the name of bad or something like that. It was for sure all in the name of, like, I think that it's only because he was under the copper umbrella. Yes.

You know what I'm saying? Like, had he not had that, he would never have done anything good. That'd be a fun origin story. What, you know, how was he? Oh, my God. If they could go back and do a lot. Shit. When he was like a rookie on the force.

Man, LeBron's coming to LA. I tweeted him. Fuck. A training day origin story. Training day origin story. He's got a production company. God. Should he make a house party?

He could throw this fucking project in. Put that in there. I bet Denzel did. Who could play young Denzel? Fuck. Michael Bjorgian. Michael Bjorgian? His son?

Yeah. Dude, his son. Fucking Ricky jarrett dude he could he's not he's not good enough of an actor no he's not yeah you need like you need a monster you need a young monster you need some you need some darkness behind there you know i mean it's like you're it that's like hayden christiansen playing darth vader you're kind of like i don't boy he didn't do much you need to see him turned out you need to see Alonzo from like bright eyed bushy tailed first day out of the academy to like I'm selling this dope

what happens what is the thing he sees I don't know man we'll think on it either way Alonzo Harris he fucking man that movie and you get to chill in his office yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm listening to the new Dre album Alonzo Harris. He fucking, man. That movie is perfect. And you get to chill in his office. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm listening to the new Dre album. I listen to that, by the way. In the origin story, you'd see the day. Well, that's so funny if David was the sidekick in training day, because they're like, yeah, kill this guy. He's like, okay. Do I get to keep hanging out with you, Alonzo? Yeah, pass that PCB. It's 10 a.m., baby.

I'm choosing to get wet. I didn't bring my bathing suit. You like to go swimming. No training needed here, sir. Oh, shit, you got some wet over there? I like to go swimming. You want me to go push Snoop down some stairs? Yeah, I don't give a shit.

Put me in the front seat with Snoop Dogg. I'll do that fight he wants to do. Snoop, so much better than Dre in that movie Chewing gum the whole time I You better talk to your boy His jeans were on but the team wasn't so strong He's not an actor he's an artist

He might have actually been wearing He expresses himself through beats He might have been wearing pants Like a different kind of material. I don't know that he did have his jeans on. Slacks on, wax on. I don't know that he did have his jeans on in that movie. I don't like you disparaging.

You know what else? I'm not going to let you just come over here. Slacks on, wax off. I just, so I was listening to Regulate the other day, Regulators, whatever it's called. And there's another lyric. He's sitting on the couch, no TV on, glass of scotch, listening to Regulators.

On his phone. He goes, I got a car full of girls and it's going real swell. That's another one of those lyrics where I'm like, come on, Nate Dogg. That's like a Genes on Team Strong situation. Because he really... Wait, wait, wait. And it's going real swell.

Are you saying Genes on Team Strong isn't a cool thing to say? It's a cool thing to say. It's a ridiculous thing to say. How about I note it like that? Nah, man. I'm not going. I am not going. What the fuck are you?

What? This whole time? This whole fucking time. That's what you thought. It's ridiculous. I don't know. I gotta go home. With my jeans on and my team strong.

Yes. The team strong validates the jeans on no matter what you fuck dude see i missed this i missed this it's a schism i've been waiting i've been waiting for this because i feel like we've been just like i thought we were both lakers fans and then you like a different team it's like like, I thought that we were. We are on the same page. We're not if you don't think that that's a cool thing. It is. You're reading too much into it. I'm just saying it's ridiculous.

I'm going to bail up in the century club. Go home with. David's going to go home with something to think about. Yeah. That's what he's going to go home with. Wonder Girl. Or San Francisco. He may never come back.

All right. Come back, dude. There may be a new, an alt, alt fantasy everything that starts up in the bay. Alt fantasy everything. Alt fantasy everything. All right. This week, again, we're drafting what's not dank about Sean Jordan. Everyone gets 10 picks.

It's David and Shane. It'll be a long podcast. Oh, man. What's not dank about Sean Jordan? Everyone gets his own picks. It's Dan and Shane. It'll be a long podcast. Oh, man, that should be. Talk about a Patreon. We should just give Shane once a month to vent about Sean. The Cleverback. His rebuttals.

Okay. Um, no. Great. That didn't happen. I certainly didn't wash my suit in New Hampshire. I threw it in the dryer to get the wrinkles out. I didn't fucking wash it. You put a southern...

I threw it in the dryer. It was also summer and people were wearing shorts at that wedding. Oh, that's... Yeah, there were. There were. He was so mad. I almost wore jeans. I go to Greg's mom and I was like, so do I... Can I wear jeans? If my jeans are on and my team is strong,

am I allowed to be at this wedding? Tell me this. I was gonna wear jeans to that wedding and I think his mom was like, or maybe pants. So it was kind of good that we had to go wash Shane's suit because I got to buy pants. I've been in there. Buying reluctant pants, dude.

Hey, everyone's getting ready for the wedding. Oh, by the way, guys, we have to go and wash my suit. I guarantee I held on to that receipt and wanted to return those pants. I don't know if I did, but I wanted to. There's nothing worse than when society makes you get pants you don't want. Oh, that is terrible. It's fucked up. That's happened to me.

It happens less now. Yeah. But oof, on the come up don't want. Oh, that is terrible. It's fucked up. That's happened to me. It happens less now. Yeah. But oof, on the come up, that sucked. Oh, and there were times where I'm like, this pair of pants sets me back. You don't understand. Yeah, yeah. I can't just be out here buying $30 pants.

You and you guys. That's 30 hot and spicy. You're at least skinny. You're regular size. Do you know how much worse it is to be at a Sears begrudgingly trying on pants? God. Knowing that you should have just gone to the Walmart because they really love you.

Because they, yeah. They wouldn't be at a fucking Sears holding up fucking like dockers like, are these going to fit? And then going in, you can't get them over your hips. Yeah, yeah. Or you got to like, you got to pull that stretchy part. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Like it's regular and they got that, like the extra. Yeah. Yeah. I hated buying. Kids and landslides. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like it's regular and they got that extra. They got the give? Yeah. Yeah. It's landslides. I hated buying pants for like restaurant jobs and stuff. But when Dockers came out with those spill proof khakis, I was like, I'm kind of excited about buying these pants now. Yeah.

They didn't always make those in size 44 waist. No, not at all. They stopped those motherfuckers at 34. I'm sorry. I was working. It wasn't always available. Listen. We weren't working.

We weren't working. I wasn't bringing I was working. It wasn't always available. We weren't working? We weren't working? I wasn't bringing people trays of spaghetti at the old spaghetti factory? Getting shouted down by a British woman for not having a saucer? I wasn't hitting the rims of a fucking Range Rover with a toothbrush at the car wash? Waterway. It was an auto spa, Zach. A spa. An auto spa.

Expectations come with that word. Yeah. Yeah. Not everybody can just roll up in thereations come with that word. Yeah, yeah. Not everybody can just roll up in there, do what I did. Yeah. Details. The car gets the executive treatment. You know? It's like a CEO's in there.

They had $100 car washes. I never did one, but they had it. That's gnarly. Damn. They better put 80 bucks in your glove compartment. That better be part of it. Yeah, it was a bougie car wash for sure. Now we descend again upon Glensylvania

to the castle on the hill and find out Calzacula's second pick. Second pick. Okay, this is tough because I'm trying to hedge against what I think people will pick. We're all drawn from the same well. I'm going to go the Terminator.

All right. Yeah. Good. Wait. Terminator 1 or 2. Oh, wait. If I had to pick. Wait.

The Terminator, which one? The Terminator from Terminator 2. There we go. He was a good guy. Oh, okay. Arnold. Schwarzenegger.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That other dude, random story, that other dude, Doug Mellard one time

saved that other guy from dying. Oh yeah. Robert Patrick. That guy story, that other dude, Doug Mellard one time saved that other guy from dying. Oh, yeah, Robert Patrick. That guy was choking on the street, and Doug Mellard found him. No, he got stung by a bee, I think. I thought he was choking. Oh, so he had to, like, have an allergic reaction. He was, like, allergic, and he was having a, you know, what do they call that? Like, an epileptic or a seizure or whatever.

He couldn't move, and he was going to die, and so Doug went and got help or whatever. Yeah, or, like, yeah, did something. Oh, I thought it was, like, a heart thump or and got help or whatever. Yeah. Or like, yeah, did something. Oh, it was. I thought it was a heart thump. No. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. Robert Patrick.

Yeah. Right. That's the dude's name. I don't know if I can save that guy. Just looking at his face. I'd be like, you're supposed to die. Yeah. Turn to liquid, you piece of shit.

In my head, that dude can't die for real. Yeah. You see, you like go to save him in a picture of John Connor pops out of his button. I fucking knew it. Oh, shit. That he is so dope in that movie, dude. Well, now we're talking about Terminator. Yeah.

All of it, dude. The Guns N' Roses song when they're driving down the fucking L.A. River. Oh, God. He's cocking a gun with one hand. Oh, yeah. Oh, with the shotgun where he just like. And that's just. Brown House is it?

You should be mine Axl Rose is not here Axl Rose is that was me and don't you know the roof opened cause you're way out Axl Rose ziplined in

sang the fifth microphone appeared he brought it this is leather Raiders jersey dread or cornrows Axl Rose yeah yeah yeah all Chinese democracy you know he spelled Axl Rose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Chinese democracy?

You know he spelled Axl Rose R-O-W-S when he had the Axl's Rose. Oh. Talk about a spaghetti kiss. Talk about a spaghetti incident.

There it is. Oh, man. Emmy nominated. In the gym every day. It's hard to think of that stuff when you're in the gym every day. Head writer of a network show. Heard about all this. Yeah, yeah.

Wait. What's the fourth thing? Are you religious at all or Jewish? Judaism. Okay. You are Jewish. 100% bar mitzvah and everything. You know, I think I knew that.

Somebody tweeted or emailed or something on Instagram. But they were listening to the podcast and this dude's wife, or no, watching the Netflix special, I think. Yeah. Yeah, they're watching the special and this dude's wife goes, is he Jewish? And the guy, because she doesn't listen and he got to look at his wife and be like, yeah, 100% bar mitzvah and everything. That's awesome.

And he said he had a pretty hearty chuckle out of it. Yeah, that's great. That'd be a fun thing to put on a job resume just to see if they bring it up in the interview. 100% bar mitzvahed and everything. And it says here, you are 100% Jewish. Okay. Yeah, bar mitzvahed and everything. Right?

Right? Yeah, Terminator. Yeah, Terminator, dude. Very tight. Yeah. He's fantastic. That movie movie hasta la vista he like he becomes kind of the perfect father figure for edward furlong yeah robot laddie man he dies protecting you what more do you want and he destroys himself at the end where he's like i'm

part of the problem oh that thumbs up dude oh he's just melting down that movie holds up oh yeah god that movie's good. For one that was made near 30 years ago now. Yeah. Yeah. I remember seeing it in the theater. My grandpa took me out, bought me the only pair of Jordans I've ever owned in my life. Damn.

And then took me to Terminator 2. What day was that? What was that scene? Just a random day. It wasn't even my birthday or anything. Your grandpa was just dropping J's in movies just like on Thursday? Yeah. Not a lot. Shama's rule.

He used to be... I thought he was rich when i was a kid i don't know what the deets actually were but i just know that we were broke and so i think maybe he was just like you know i got you because it was him my mom always had a that's a weird they just weren't that close when i was a kid so i don't know what the fucking deal was but yeah either way you got I wasn't sweating it, dude. You felt bad for something. What kind of Jordans? I honestly can't remember. I wonder if you got the family discount.

He's a Jordan, right? I'll tell you, they were Sean Jordans. Actually, every pair of shoes I've had have been Jordans. They're all Jordans. Yeah. You're like Jordan LaCaisson right now or whatever. Jordan Osiris for a while probably? Yeah, dog.

The Terminator. The Terminator. Yeah, man. That movie's fucking ill. And he's just so dope. It's time for my second pick. All right. And with my second pick, I got to flex the cast off and pick Hobbes.

Yeah, dude. In the Fast and Furious franchise. I had to have The rock on my team somehow, and there's no other rock I'm even remotely interested in having on my team. That's a good rock. Until Skyscraper comes out. We'll see.

We'll see. You know what you're doing. San Andreas rock is a pretty all right dude, but he's not a hero. What's San Andreas? Oh, I like Southland Tales rock. Yeah. The fuck are you San Andreas rock?

There's one The Rock. What the fuck was that? You've been holding on to this. Like Baywatch Rock? More like Dwayne the Croc of Bullshit Johnson over here. Hey-oh! I haven't seen you in a month. You've been holding on to all this, I bet.

All this visceral, this deep hatred. It's not hatred. I just don't like you. I just don't respect your opinions on Dwayne Johnson. No, I agree. The Rock, Fast and Furious Rock is the best. He's a fucking tough cookie. Did you find Hobbes' full name in there?

No, I just called him Hobbes. We were talking about this. When we were looking these up, I found out a lot of people's full names from these movies. What's his full name? Do we know? I don't know. I'm going to look.

Dwayne the Hobbes Johnson. They just called him the Hobbs. It says here that his full name is Dwayne the Hobbs Johnson. Yeah, I don't know. God, that's gross. They just call him Hobbs. Everybody else has full names. I'm not going to say them in case everybody wants to pick them.

He's my favorite character from that franchise, bar none. It's my favorite The Rock character. Goes by one name. Looks good in tank tops. He's jacked as hell. Looks amazing dirty. In tank tops. He's fucking so jacked up.

It's crazy. He flexes a cast off. Yeah, dude. He's fucking crazy. And if you've ever tried to do that, it doesn't work like that. No, it does not. You can't flex.

I've never flexed anything on him. You can't even move in it. I've had a couple casts on my hands. You can't even move in them. It takes a couple casts on my on my hands you can't even move in them it takes months and just oh man that that was such a the second i saw that cast going i'm like that's coming off that's what's happening right what's he say daddy's gotta go to work daddy's gotta go to work it doesn't end up picking up a minigun off a helicopter and shooting people with that yeah you don't want that guy on your team god is the jeans on or not how do you how do you write that i don't i feel like on your team? Jeans on or not? How do you write that?

I feel like you gotta have an 8-ball and lock yourself in a room. I feel like when that script went to the studio, there was like script, pages, pages, pages, blank page with a bag of cocaine stapled to it. Snort that. Okay.

Yeah. I would love that. Danny Dunn's gotta go to work. I'd love that. Danny Dunn's got to go to work. I'd love that statistic, like how much cocaine was done during the writing of certain movies. Oh, my God. When the screenplay was getting written. I bet way more in the writing of the Fast and the Furious than on set. Yeah, no.

Because I feel like The Rock might not be doing cocaine. I don't even think, does he drink like that? No. I mean, I don't think he blows. I don't think he is a temple. I don't think he blows trees. I don't think he does anything, man. I hear what he does do is anal when he hooks up with girls because there's no way to get them pregnant.

I heard that about Michael Jordan. Yeah. That's a rumor I heard. Is that a thing? Strictly anal. That's a lifestyle different than my own. Dwayne the Strictly Anal Johnson. It's just a rumor.

I can't back it up. Allegedly. It's just a rumor. I can't back it up. Allegedly. It's an allegation. Just supporting the allegation. That's like a whole other way to view the world. It is a whole. That I don't understand. I'm trying to wrap my head around that, and I just can't.

Hey, sure, we can have sex, but. But. But. But. I'm not taking Dwayne Johnson. I'm taking Hobbs. No, I'm taking Hobbs. Hobbs.

And Hobbs doesn't do that. I don't know Hobbs. Well, Hobbs isn't married. The other thing I like... Well, we don't fucking know. He has a child, though. We have no idea what his... We don't.

The other thing I love about him is a thing I like about action. He shows up right on time a lot. Yeah. You know when somebody shows up right on time a lot. Yeah. You know when somebody shows up right on time? Right when you're in a helicopter. Right on time. Love that. Right on time shit.

Right on time. Oh, thanks. So good to see you, Hobbs. Oh, man. I didn't have one more second where it would have been okay for me to survive without Hobbs. Right on time. And then boom, there he is. If he forgot his sunglasses and had to run back in, you be dead here you go here's an apple you look a little

he has to take a little extra pee no two extra shakes of the urinal you're dead you're dead if he doesn't get the cast off on the first flex you're dead you're dead you never realize how much his time like those guys timing is really crucial it's impeccable like everything had to fall in line for him to show right if even one knucklehead if like we would have been driving and missed an exit yeah yeah oh oh faster than furious driving i miss an exit for sure all the time i'm not paying attention to b85 the fucking i'm driving under trucks google maps yelling at you like uh like you should have turned left you Bet your Google Maps is on Ozzy Osbourne. Left!

Shut up! I thought it would be funny. I didn't... I don't know how to turn it off. Sean Jordan, it is time for your second and third picks, as it is. A serpentine draft. Yeah, it is. Second pick is going to... Man, it's only for your second and third picks as it is a serpentine draft yeah it is

second pick is going to man it's only my second pick second pick is going to be Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible oh yeah

we watched a little bit of that your doppelganger watched the whole thing you heard a lot of people say it yeah we watched Mission Impossible and then

Unfaithful Unfaithful back to back we got back in our Diane Lane you know what We watched Mission Impossible and then Unfaithful. Back to back. We got back in our Diane Lane. You know what? Whatever takes you there. It's an impossible mission of its own. Unfaithful. Marriage.

Marriage. The ultimate impossible mission. Sharon. Should you choose to accept it? Yeah. That's what I'm going to say to Tori and Amy. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to not cheat on tori for the rest of your life yeah dude ethan hunt mission impossible it's probably just because we watched it the other day and i haven't seen it in years but yeah it's just so tom cruise in general just a fucking movie that's what you think of and when you see ethan hunt in that action movie you're just just like fucking movie star. Like that is what an action hero is.

He do his own stunts? Yeah. Dude. So on the fifth one. He was in a fucking outside of a plane. Yeah. On Road Nation, he held onto a door on a plane that was taking off. That Rice Krispies treat is stuck to you, Jack.

Go and navigate it. That is better. I understand that no one in here. We might as well give that Rice Krispie Treat a microphone it is close you just made me feel self conscious when I started eating it so I put it away for later trying to keep it a secret

listeners did any of you hear me eat a Rice Krispie Treat I implore you get off your couches and vote. The judges cannot be impartial, and I take my cause to you. Surely on appeal. Storm the Bastille. It's storm the studio.

When baked goods are stuck to my body, it's like a huge issue. But you're just like, oh, that's hilarious, Zach. I wake up, and I got like a cookie under my tit. It's a wake-up call. How is that up and I got like a cookie under my tit. It's a wake up call for us. How is that my problem? I got a cookie under my tit. I can't control your feelings. Oh, man, dude.

I can't wake up and I got a cookie under my tit. Oh, man. He slid down the pyramid or the building, right? What building? Oh, the, yeah, in Dubai. I didn't know he did that. I didn't know he did his own stunt. That tallest building.

Dude, in the one that's coming out, he had to learn how to fly a helicopter because in this scene, they only needed him and he was like, well, I'm not getting a stunt guy. He had to stall the helicopter out and learn how to revive it.

Wow. That's crazy. It's like the closest thing to a real life Ethan Hunt. It's crazy to think every movie he does, he's putting his life on the line. It's crazy to think that you could be an actor and still amass the skill set that you would need to be in action. Yeah.

Right. Like, if we go into like a situation, Tom Cruise is far more prepared than I am. Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah. He can do heli- That helicopter stalling bit is already, okay, I'm out. I bet he's more prepared than most cops. Yeah.

You know what I mean? No. Yeah bet he's more prepared than most cops yeah yeah i would take him over yeah yeah like tom cruise the man tom cruise the man that's fucked and he's ripped still you know i saw him with the shirt off yeah yeah you met him right yeah well we shot that thing with him on the late late show what's he smell like it smells great god i bet he smells like whatever nice wood like a like a woody yeah like a cedar-y sort of like a very manly odor. But he's wearing a suede button-up on a hot day in London. So we had to keep taking it off and just like fanning him. Well, not we.

I didn't. His people. I wasn't one of them. I wasn't like, you feeling bad? Is that good for you? You were feeding him grapes. Sideways? Maybe a sideways lick?

I was feeding him grapes. Suede on, game on. What is his name? They're yoked. He's just shirtless. Oh, yeah. Suede on, game strong. Suede sweeten him gracefully. What is his name? They're yoked. He's just shirtless. Sued on, Game Strong. Sued on. I bet you he hasn't had a

carb since Bush Senior. But you said he remembered everyone's names on set. I heard that about him. Consummate professional. Did he have to get his seitons up? Yeah, he was peaking. Whatever he needs to do to keep him, Tom Cruise.

I'm allowing it. Yeah. For Tom Cruise, it's a special. David Miscavige's wife has to disappear for Tom Cruise to keep doing these movies. Well, where do you think he gets the power from? Zach is willing to make that bargain. Zach will go shake the devil's hand in person. Listen, I don't think it's a Miscavige of justice.

Okay, yeah. Okay. Man, what a good day. Ethan Hunt. Man. Yeah. Yeah, Ethan Hunt, dude. This is way around the zip line.

You know, made the fucking, it was the face peeling off, made it look good. Yeah. That was one of the most realistic face peel offs. We were like, whoa. Remember when they tried to replace him with Jeremy Renner and we were all just like. They gave it one chance. That guy gets a lot of shots. He does this.

A lot of shots. There does. A lot of shots. There's not a lot of charisma coming off him. I need more of the town kind of Jeremy Renner. Yes. Yeah. And be like gritty. But he's not an action star. No.

He's a great town kind of guy. I like him as Hawkeye. He's all right as Hawkeye. He fills the time. I feel like a bunch of people could be Hawkeye. I don't feel like you're doing. You're not putting any Jeremy Renner sauce. He's not like a beloved character. He needs to do that Ben Foster move. Where every time don't feel like you're doing, you're not putting any Jeremy Renner sauce. He's not like a beloved character.

He needs to do that Ben Foster move, where every time he shows up, you're like, whoa, what's this? He's just a wild card. Yeah, like a Giovanni Ribisi. Yeah. Uh-huh. Speaking of thetans. Yeah. Yeah. Are the Ribisis Oh, deep. Yeah.

His sister was in Married to Beck. Yeah, married to Beck, and she was in- Days Confused. Days and Confused, yeah. She was the redhead. I'll just keep finishing all your sentences, bro. Mila Jovovich? No, no, no.

Mila Jovovich was the long-haired hippie. The redhead girl in the car with- Oh, Curly. Yeah, yeah. Big Curly. Yeah. Matthew McConaughey. Yeah.

Statutory. Big Red. Yeah. Ethan Hunt. Ethan Hunt. Greatory. Big Red. Yeah. Ethan Hunt. Ethan Hunt. Great pick. We got it around. And with your third pick, you'll make the earth sick.

With my third pick, I'm going to go Beatrix Kiddo. Oh. From the Kill Bill series. Yeah. She's just. The bride. It's like the, it might be my only pick with like straight up vengeance as the hero, where she just has a fucking, has something to get done.

Yeah. Like the people that wronged her. And boy, is she good at it. Man, she fucks that sort of up. Yeah. Looks great dirty. Looks great dirty. I don't know how much soot is on there, but what they lack of soot.

She has actual cuts too. They make up for in blood, because she is. She's all fucked up. Yeah. She cuts off the top of Lucy Lou's head. Oh man. And it does that slow part. Yeah. You see the brain? Yeah. Yeah. She's all fucked up. She cuts off the top of Lucy Liu's head. Oh, man. And it does that slow part. You see the brain.

Yeah. Yeah. She just absolutely murders it. And just 90% will on her, you know? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's all. But also 100% pain. Yeah, dude.

It's no pleasure. Came out of a coma, couldn't even move, and just willed herself back to skill level. Still didn't have a big toe. Yeah. Couldn't even move and just willed herself back to skill level. Still didn't have a big toe. Yeah. Ethan Hunt, I feel, is like, I don't know, 20% pleasure?

There's some pleasure in there, right? Yeah, probably. Yeah. I mean, dude, he gets a done. He likes being Jack. Yeah. He likes being a secret. He chose this life. He chose this life.

Beatrix Cadot, she just got into it. Although in the new one, the trailers make it look like it's maybe more pain than pleasure. Really? This one coming up. Yeah. It looks good. I'm not ready. Back to Beatrix Kiddo.

Dude, they're all good. Again, just to dwell on Mission Impossible, movies could be $30, and I'm like, here's $30. Yeah. Blow my fucking hair back with this blockbuster-ass summer movie. Yeah. That's what... I fucking love it.

Well, that's what we're doing. It's the middle of summer. We hero yeah uh she yeah she's fantastic looks amazing looks amazing dirty that scene with uh with uh the crazy 88 or whatever yeah fucking oh yeah she kills everybody amazing yeah that shit is great and what's that song playing in the background it It's the... Yeah. Yeah. That's another thing about that movie. I had the soundtrack.

Don't feel bad. That was when I was still buying soundtracks. Don't feel bad. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, those were like the original mixtapes, basically. It's got that like bang, bang. She shot me down. Bang, bang.

And that... That one? That thing is an earworm. My buddy Lou will whistle that at work every now and then. And I've had to. I'm not even mad. Because sometimes I'll be in a bad mood at work or whatever. And people can tell.

But he'll whistle that. And I just have to stand up immediately. I'm like, no. No. It's like chilly. Was that in like a Travelocity commercial or something? Yeah, I think like a different version. Not the whistling part.

Some kind of traveling, but yeah, that song. And then they have, there's another song in that soundtrack that the Omaha Funny Bones still plays for their like intro when they bring people up. That I can't describe. It's the instrumental track. It's like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... Oh, every club. A lot of clubs play that to come up to.

That was... Yeah, the Omaha Funny Bone sure does. Original name of the movie was... What? Killiam William. I wasn't ready. And then somebody found that bag of coke on the back they did the whole bag william volume one volume volume volume volume volume volume that's lucy's character that's right killiam william killiam william you guys want to hang out watch killiam william

yeah i'd say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm coming to that oh yeah gogo yubari that was the girl with like the fucking like ball on the chain kind of that great man that girl was icy where and she was what 15 or seemingly like 15 yeah and she's just like you know you don't have to do this i don't want to kill you and the girl's just like oh and then kicks that fucking spike ball in her head. God, I gotta get a spike ball. I bet you Wu-Tang watched that. That's what I'm talking about. Alternative weaponry. Spike balls.

Spike balls. Zach, that's you. Okay. Spike balls. I feel like you could actually get it by the end of this. I already have those. It's a medical condition. Spike balls.

Playing too much volleyball out there. Spike balls. God damn it. Zach, I hate to tell you this, but you got spiked balls. You have two sea urchins down there. Pufferfish in your scrotum. Yo entiendo. Thank you, doctor.

Time for my third pick. With this one, I'm going to go with somebody who's maybe- Don't you dare. 95% pleasure, 5% pain. That's where I'm at. I like this. I'm taking Bond. Oh, yeah.

Gold Bond, medicated powder. Same stats. 100% pleasure. Fucking James Bond, man. Yeah, he is like 95. Yeah. He's wearing that suit. He's drinking that good.

He's playing Baccarat. Baccarat. He's fucking all the time. None of these other people are getting laid this whole time. None of them are fucking. He's doing the adventure. Indiana Jones gets it a little bit. Yeah, but Jamie Vaughn will straight up stop an adventure.

Skrrt. Oh, and he'll also sleep with a girl knowing she'll get killed for it. Yeah. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only way he can finish. Now, I know you don't have to pick what Bond if you had to.

Like, which character. If I had to pick one? Which actor? Which actor, yeah. Daniel Craig has made a strong run, but I got to go with Sean Connery. I got to go with, you know. Classic. Roger Moore's tight, too, though.

Yeah. Roger Moore will lay it on thick. Do we hate Pierce Brosnan in here? Is he that kind of crap? Not a big Pierce fan. He was kind of boring. He's boring. He was real handsome, kind of boring though.

And Sean Connery is just, that's a good... Plus he's a filthy Irish. I don't want my bond to be a filthy Irish. Is Pierce Brosnan Irish? I spent too much time with this guy. Is Pierce Brosnan Irish? That's how you know i'm trashy i always thought he was british that's the second time that's happened to me that happened to me with frazier too oh yeah i thought frazier was english my whole life oh really yeah okay all right i could see that no pierce brosnan man we'll take him in the fold sure join the club man he's irish ginnison jameson dude yeah he's from ireland yeah yeah tron connery

scott scott that i can deal with it's because roger moore pure brit yeah he's all pure brit sure are they is there any movement on uh idris elba becoming the new bond i'd be into it oh yeah me too yeah that'd be fucking gonna. They're going to do it soon. Sometimes I don't like it when I see him dance, though. Yeah. He wouldn't be one of those dancing ones. You know, when he's like...

He wouldn't be dancing Bond. Where is he dancing? He DJs. Oh, when you see James Bond dance or Idris Elba? No, when I see Idris Elba dance, I don't like it. I don't know.

It's just not what I wanted it to be. It'd be funny if you didn't like how James Bond dances and were like, I don't think he dances in any of these movies, David. I don't like it! Don't worry about what I'm watching. James Bond doesn't dance. And he would look in a white tuxedo.

Those are two big things. You gotta get that white tux with the oof. The one drawback, I don't know how often I've seen Bond dirty. That doesn't really play into his game. I feel like Craig Bond gets dirty. I'll tell you what, look at his hands because they're dirty. He got dirty.

He might. He might get in like Spectre. But Sean Connery for sure was a clean customer. Roger Moore never got dirty. No, dude. Even during the wet work. You know what I mean? Bond doesn't even really sweat.

No. No. Well, I'm out, guys. None of us could be Bond. The only thing he's sweating is getting laid and drinking some... Getting fucked up on the job. That's another thing he gets to do. He does get drunk and get fucked up on the job. He's always going rogue, so you never... You work from home, essentially. He's always at the office. That is crazy. He's fucked up on the job. He's always going rogue, so you work from home,

essentially. He's always at San Tropez. That is crazy. He'll just get drunk and decide to go shoot some dudes he's not supposed to shoot. That's crazy. Have we ever seen his desk?

No. No. Desk. They don't even imagine that he would come in. No. He doesn't even know how to pay bills.

That would be a funny scene if he just came in And he's like where's my desk And they're like oh Do you even have an ID card How'd you get in I shot the guard Well that's one of us

You can't Put the fish tank on it Okay you can use my desk for now He just sees the fish tank and she's standing desk it's a bouncy ball for a chair uh zack you know it's time for your third pick all right third pick oh man i'm gonna go hannah from hannah oh okay i haven't seen hannah okay so hannah is basically like eric banna is this father who like got you know like kind of james born eric banna is the father to h father who got kind of James Bourne.

Eric Bana is the father to Hannah. Yeah, kind of James Bourne training. And Hannah is his daughter that he raises. Did you just say James Bourne? James Bourne. What is his name? Bourne? Jason.

Oh, Jason. I never saw the movies. But also, cool it. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's try to refrain from naming other action stars. That's what I'm getting at. While naming other action stars.

Sarsha Ronan's Hannah. I'm so glad you said her name because I was looking at it like I can't. Sarsha. Yeah. Sarsha. It's a good ass movie. He has his daughter and then they're in this like the sub-Arctic hiding from the government that's after him. And he's like this

is like this machine if you flick this switch they'll know where we're at and that's what her game plan was like he's getting them to take in his daughter so she can kill them from the inside oh because she's a badass yeah she's like 11 years old yeah i love kids killing adults yes yeah it's awesome that shit rules and like one of the bad guys always wears these like Sergio Ticchini like track suits. Ticchini. You uncultured fucking swine. It's a tough day with Scotty Brew. You uncultured fucking swine, dude.

That is a rough thing to call someone. Yeah, I know. That shit hurt me. If you said that to someone. Gosh, how did that shit hurt me? If you said that to someone... Any derivative of pig. If you said that to those chavs at the Stones concert... You uncultured pig. Oh, it would have gone down.

You fucking hogs. You baby back... When Sean would walk in, wouldn't you say some wild shit to him sometimes? Eat your food food you disgusting pig yeah I'd bring in like Taco Bell and he's like eat your food you gross pig you disgusting

as I also eat Taco Bell yeah he's like he doesn't have a Rice Krispies treat stuck to his thigh on his bare skin now that's not peeling off easy it went from being on his clothes to his bare skin i eat osmosisly osmosisly man taking some of the heat off i don't even know if that's how it's pronounced go ahead anyway uncultured swine anyways hannah you're no, no. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Yeah, dude. Hannah. I'm dope. I'm dope. Me. Just slap happy. I'm happy. Me, bro.

I'm happy that a kid made it in. It's sick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to draft a family. They're up there in Finland, right? Yeah. Dude, you guys both love that movie.

It is action packed. Yeah, I'm going to get in on it. Yeah, it's dope. And she just looks awesome. Doesn't she have white hair? Hard blonde. Yeah, yeah. She's Scottish, right?

You look awesome right now. Tarsha is Irish. Oh. Yeah, another one of the... Woo! All right. Well, I'm changing my pick to Italian Thug from James Bond, who dies instantly. There's been no...

Well, never mind. Tashim. I blew it once. I won't blow it again. Howdy, kid. David Bore, time for your third and fourth picks. So my third pick, continuing with the bad guy trend. Simon Phoenix from Demolition Man. Oh, yeah.

What a good bad guy. Yes. He dresses crazy as hell. Crazy. He's out of his element, but he knows a bunch of shit he's not supposed to know. Remember when he's downloading

all the guns? Yeah. And he's just like, I can speak French or whatever. Yeah. He says awesome shit all the time. Remember when he puts the electricity thing in the water

and he goes, I'm a blast from the past! He has a lot of those catchphrases. Simon says die! Yes, Simon says die! Oh man, he was so badass. He's got a blonde high top. He has a blonde high top! Who even invented that shit?

In the beginning he's wearing striped pants, vertical striped pants. Kids are just now dressing like that. Jaden Smith, that's all Simon Phoenix. Jaden Smith, that's all Simon Phoenix. Decades later. That's all Simon Phoenix. All Simon Phoenix. It's like, that shit was, he was such a good bad guy. He was a badass in two times.

1999 and, I forget what the year of the future was. 1996 was the year that he got frozen, and I want to say it's like 2014 or some shit. Oh, really? It's after the Taco Bells war. Yeah, speaking of Taco Bell, we'd still be able to eat it. They won the franchise wars. At Comic-Con,

they're doing a Demolition Man Taco Bell. Really? Yeah. Is Comic-Con in LA? They've been doing those in San Diego. We might have to make a vlog. Pop's skipping a jump. Anyone from Comic-Con, let's get some T-Roc hats. Yeah, if we can get some Taco Bell tickets. Taco Bell, just give us food.

How about that? Yeah. Let's just boil it down to that. I've been screaming forever. Shit heads. But no, yeah, Simon Phoenix, I think he's just such a great bad guy. I like my bad guys over the top. Yeah.

Of course. He had no real motivation. He just came out and wanted to fuck shit up. Yeah. That one guy was pulling the strings, but he wanted to just be kicking people. He loved all those guns. Out there causing ruckus. He's so excited about it.

When he stabbed that dude's eye out and used it for the ocular scan. Just on the tip of that pen. Simon says, bleed. I forgot about that, dude. That is Buck. Yeah, man. That movie, I really. I haven't seen that in quite some time.

You're not sure if you're cool with him until he's like, Simon says we're cool. Okay, okay. All right, all right, all right. He oddly keeps the Simon thing true. Okay, yeah. All right, all right. That's Simon, I see you. I respect it.

And your fourth pick? Now that we're getting to fourth, I'm getting- Fourth meal. Uh-oh. Feeling real, real squirrely. Fuck, do I do it? I dread the devil. David's been on a treadmill this whole time.

It's fucked up because, like, I have another. You know what? You know what? What, David? Five's the time to while. All right. I'm taking it easy. Another classic action hero.

Another bald one. Looks great dirty. Another lieutenant. Lieutenant Jordan O'Neal. Talking about G.I. Jane. Oh, really? One of the best suck my dicks on film. I fucking love that movie.

Oh, shit. Viggo Mortensen? Viggo Mortensen? What's up? Do a push-up. What does she say? S-M-I-G. She looks great dirty.

Looks great dirty. Looks great in the tank top. Shaved her own motherfucking head. She's fucking bad. Dude, you shave your own head? That shit is always hard. She had a shaved head. She was dirty, and she had bruises all over her body.

She was fucked up. Sleeping in her own dorm, remember? Isolated. Never ringing the bell. Wasn't even a person anymore. No. That's 100% concentrated power. She was just doing all she was.

She was just doing pull-ups all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were shredded, dude. When I was sleeping, she was just quietly doing pull-ups. I call that the Zach nap. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I was asleep. She's just quietly doing pull-ups. I call that the Zach nap. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I was asleep.

What was I doing? Yeah, man. G.I. Jane was with the shits. Every time I watch that movie, I get so hyped up. I love that movie. And then they go to war in it, too. And then they go to war.

Yeah. Now she's a killing machine. Yeah. And Vigo's like, yeah. Yeah, that's why we did it. Oh, that's the machine. Yeah, that scene where they had to fight. Yeah.

During, I think it was the training thing, but like right outside where everyone was watching. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Dude, that movie's like, and you forget about it, because I was looking at lists and I was like, man, what's like a sleeper?

And then I was just like, yeah, G.I. Jane is, every time I watch it, I'm glad I watched it. Yeah, and she's married that whole time, which is crazy. Yeah. She's got a life she could go back to. In the movie, she's married. Yeah. Her husband's also in the military, and she goes back for when they let her go, like you're relieved or whatever.

And she goes back to him, and then she goes back to the unit. Kicks his ass real quick, and then just goes, I'm going to go back to war. I just wanted to come fuck you up. But I think in the movie, he has no idea how fucking dank she is. Yeah, I don't think even she knew. Yeah. She was like, I can do it. You discover your own dankness.

But then she was like, I can do it. It's kind of the root of all the action movies. I'm trying to pull the dank out of you. Come on. There's dankness inside of you and I can see it. There's dankness in everyone. It's time to find out your dank fourth pick, Zach Toscani.

Okay. Oh man. I'm going to go with, so David opened it up to maybe, maybe some, some villainous people. So I'm going to go Anton Segur. Oh,

from no country. I'm not sure that I want to be hanging out with him. No, you don't want to be hanging out with him. But part of the crew, I don't want him around me. He's doing his own thing. You send him on. I don't want him to know anyone I know. That's a man with his own agenda.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he fights. But you know it's getting done. That guy, he was scary as hell. That scene with Woody, when he's going to kill him, and he just marinades. That's the thing about that dude. He just marinades on it. Just lets you sit in it.

And you know what's going to happen. When the guy's like, you're going to kill me? He goes, did you see me? Oh! And then they just shut the door. He's like, sorry, dude. Woody Harrelson just like, oh, man, he's going through all stages of grief right there on the chair. Bargaining.

Everything, dude. Bargaining. Trying to act too cool at first. You don't have to do this. Yeah, don't care and then accept it all right well just fucking do it then yeah oh man man it's scary and the way uh yeah at the very end when he visits uh lou ellen's wife and he just you don't hear anything but when he walks out he just wipes his feet yep oh i have that haircut a haircut. That weird chain jacket. The shotgun with the silencer?

Can you even attempt that? It's a cattle thing, right? It's a cattle prop. Right, but in the motel, he has that. Which is like, that's some semi-automatic shotgun. You shouldn't even have that shit. That's that... I don't even know what that is.

Is that really that air pistol thing? Is that really what they used on cows or use on cows? I think so. Yeah. Probably. That's insane. The little rod that shoots out. That's the first time I ever saw anything like that.

And that guy, when he pulls him over in the cop car and the guy's like, what did I do? And he just puts it right up to his head and he's just staring at him the whole time, like not even freaking out yet. When he flips that coin with the guy in the gas station, that's pretty crazy too. Like the one person he doesn't He's like, what do I have to put up? And he's like, you've been putting it up all your life.

Yeah, that dude is. You're right. I don't want him in the crew. Yes. He's like who you have to call. But is the scariest like, man, if you know that's who's after you, it's just a matter of time oh because that guy that guy doesn't close the box no you know i'm saying the beef is on the beef is on it doesn't you can't be like you can't be like call you can't call off the dog no no no

yeah you can't call the beef off because they try they try to call it off a couple people he's like nah nah nah the very end when those two kids happen upon him and they're like look at that fucking bone it's like forearm is sticking out of his arm yeah and he just walks away he's the action

in that movie yeah he is all the action he's the fucking he's what makes that if that movie's action it's him pure chaos

and he has his own like weird set of rules like about chance and stuff and yeah yeah he's got that's what's ruthless

that's what's crazy about these dudes they have their set of ethics or like about chance and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, he's got... Ruthless. That's what's crazy about these dudes. They have their set of ethics or whatever, and they live by them. They hold to them. He would have killed anyone who stood in his way. Of course. That's how we are, though. We all got our own sets of rules. Yeah.

Don't drink top shelf in the shower. That's a good call. You know? You drink well. I got some others. Drink beers. that's a good call you know you drink well i got some others drink beers break uh eggs aren't necessarily a breakfast food bang yeah that's the way to live burgers aren't necessarily always for dinner sure i mean you can have a burger for breakfast usually oh yeah what i like a burger for breakfast see i'm a bit i like lunch in the breakfast slot. Do you like breakfast? Do you care about breakfast?

I like it, but it's, I don't like it every morning. Yeah. What about on warm mornings? On a warm morning? Ooh. With your loose meat and your weird cooler? Fresh fruit and then like a turkey club. That's what I'm looking for.

Just a wet turkey club on ice? Ooh. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ooh. club on ice oh no no no no no no no no no now i have a pick and uh before i give my pick i just want to say that the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men you know blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

And you will know that I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I'm taking Bruce Willis' pregnant girlfriend from the movie Pulp Fiction. The French girl. The French girl. I'm taking Jules Winfield. Yeah, man. Yes. He was great. He was always, because he also Jules Winfield. Yeah, man. Yes. He was great.

He was always, because he also, he was always just talking shit that whole movie. Always talking shit. Just Royale and shit. The fuck are we talking about? What are you killing dudes? I know, but he's up. That's a good burger. Just trivia.

Just filling it with trivia. Jerry Curl, very wet. Oh, dripping. Very wet. Came through dripping. Looking fantastic. Fac facial hair sculpted yeah capable of violence so many good lines with him in that movie too and just such good scene like say what again just that what ain't no country i ever heard yeah what ain't no country

ever he's funny i feel like he would be a great co-worker oh like shit if like that what motherfucker would be what he was saying he said to somebody else yeah yeah so frank was in here and he was like the xerox isn't working and i was like what like if you worked at a fucking deli counter or like if you were like accountants together jules winfield's kind of because he's got fun stuff to talk about he's gonna help you pass the time but when it comes down to get the business done. Oh, he's going to get the business done. He's about the business.

Yeah. Yeah. He's about that business. Yeah, he's definitely about that business. He was probably my favorite part of that movie. He's the best part of that movie. Yeah. And that's a great movie.

Yeah, with so many good parts, but he is, damn. Light yawn, the best part of that movie. He's so good. Light yawn, dude. Wasn't that your nickname? Light yawn. For part of that movie he's so good Light Yawn dude wasn't that your nickname? Light Yawn for a while yeah Light Yawn's ahead of these

Light Yawn that was your rapper name Light Yawn Sean it's time for your fourth pick alright I'm gonna pick John Wick alright yeah alright it's perfect

it was gonna happen yeah it was gonna happen yeah and he there's another one I didn't want to have like two vengeance stories but he's definitely a vengeance story.

He doesn't even have any personality. That's how much vengeance he has. His whole personality is vengeance. Yeah. He's a zero percent vengeance. Zero percent pleasure. Zero percent pain. Well, especially when his dog got murked.

Yeah, zero percent dog owner. The 0.5% pleasure he had was that dog and then it got murked. And so then, yeah, he just had to go. Not like his car getting murked either turns out yeah he's just he's just fantastic yeah he's just a perfect action just a perfect action situation and another thing about those john wick movies tail to trotter is that what it is trototter to Tudor? From the Rooter to the Tudor. The whole hog. Action packed. Cover to cover. As a crow flies. A to B. Sure. Yuck yuck.

That whole movie. Yuck yuck yuck. Rod's whole hog was action packed. I mean, so much action. I packed it in some action. Can't wait to see it. Yeah, those moves are fucking fantastic. And the only time they're chill is when they're at the hotel, and they have to respect the fucking rules, John. You know what I love? A great thing that happens in action movies is a fight scene at a techno concert.

Yeah. I tweeted about that, and people got mad at me, because apparently techno is some like, they're like, oh, you really showed your age there. Apparently techno is like some kind of music that happened in like Detroit in the early 90s. Well, we're supposed to call it house music now. House music or EDM. Let me just be very clear about this right now. In case someone's listening and that bugs them.

Fuck you. Yo, I'm riding with it. I'm riding with you. Fuck it. Fuck you. Turn up the heat. I'm with the shits. Fuck off.

I don't give a fuck. I'm going to call up fucking techno. You know exactly what the fuck I mean. You don't know what I'm saying? If I say I'm having

chicken for dinner, I don't want you coming in like, whoa, do you mean like a Delaware blue hen? Fuck you. Fuck you. All right?

That's the, when somebody knows what you mean. Yeah, you know exactly what I fucking mean. Don't do that. Don't splay out your peacock feathers when I don't want to see peacock feathers.

I don't give a fuck. I'm having chicken, not peacock. Laura, this chicken is dank. What does dank mean? Laura. Laura. I said dank. You know what dank means.

You know what dank? You're dank. And I try to be sweet. I go, you're dank. You sweetheart? Yeah. Come on. What are we doing over here?

I felt bad. When Laura came to visit, I was so stoned and had such bad. I was sick and had a sciatic pain. So I was baked. She was like, hi, Ian. And I was like, hey, what's up? I was incapable of conversation. It took so much effort.

It was like Beatrix Kittle rising out of that coma just to say hi back. I feel terrible. I've been there where you have to fight under all the layers. It was like Beatrix Kittle rising out of that coma just to say hi back. I've been there where you have to fight under all the layers. I'm barely alive. You said it like she was the away team. Yeah. And you're the home announcer. Laura Sams.

Rudy Gay. Rudy Gay. God, it is just, yeah. Juan Wick. The way the announcers say the away team's names, it never gets old to me. I laugh every time. Yeah. Like when Rudy, yeah.

A big candle has a John Wick. Yeah. And now, man, I don't know if I want to go. Yeah, I do. I do. I do. I'm close. There's a couple of picks that might technically be better, but I haven't gone 100% with my heart yet. And that's all David wants.

My last pick. That's all I've ever wanted. My last pick is going to be Cameron Poe from Con Air. Oh, damn it. Damn it. I thought I was going to get it. Fuck. Great pick.

Okay. I feel like I'm being so redundant, but all these movies, they're just so action-packed, and it's no different with Con Air. I mean, it's- How do you like your action? Packed? Packed. Packed.

Packed. Fucking tight in there, bro. Get it in there! Like a Southwest flight. Get it in there! I fucking did fit on the way out, it's gonna fit on the way back! I like my action so packed, I'll go back, and I will say, listen- Back-to-back action pack?

You can definitely fit more action in here. Yeah. I know it's your job to put a certain amount of action here, but if I can fit, I went and got some action that I had at home, and I fit a little more in there. I've identified, and then you have a laser pointer on a pull-down, six different crevices that could be packed with more action. And then I say, look. We had an action pact about this. Oh.

There he goes. There it is. They don't call him Wactus Connor. Yeah. They don't. They call me Sir Cinnamon. Like it isn't They don't call him Wactus Connor. Yeah. They don't. They call me Sir Cinnamon. Like it isn't, this guy. Huh?

Solid truth. Action fucking Cameron Poe, man. What are you going to do? I'm going to save the motherfucking day. Yeah. Hold on to that fucking... Bad. Terrible accent.

Terrible hair. Shredded, though. Yeah. Nick Cage shredded in that fucking movie. Put the bunny down. He is shredded. Shredded, dude. That movie put the bunny down he is shredding he's probably the most shredded he's ever and john cusack is in that movie wearing sandals with a suit yes he is yes he is yeah uh john malkovich has the worst lines maybe i've ever heard from a villain

maybe the worst lines ever dave chapelle's in that movie? Oh, yeah. Pinball. Dave Chappelle's being all racist. Danny Trejo's in that movie. Also, the weirdest... Colin Malloy from The Decembrists? Colin Meany. Oh, yeah. Colin Meany. That guy from The Decembrists. The weirdest Nick...

Land this plane. We're going to land this plane. What's he in for? Singing? Singing. The weirdest Nick Cage scream ever when he finds out he's going home and he's like talking to Baby-O

and he's just like, I don't know, he's just like, I'm going home, son! It's so weird! It's the weirdest noise he made! That movie is on CMT all the time. It's fucking great.

CMT was built on that movie. You don't have to edit much out fucking great because there's not a lot yeah you don't have to edit much out really i mean some swear words but most of it when they crash the plane in on the las vegas strip oh yeah we just have to be like well so what 10 000 people died exactly that's one of those things i didn't even get people that were just glossing over yeah like how crazy that when i was a kid i was like, you land on the strip. Where else are you going to land? Yeah, now as a grown man, I'm like, fuck. Everybody died, dude. You should have crashed the plane and killed everyone on the plane is what you should have done.

Yeah. But no, you killed. You're going to see your daughter. Fucking Jim's got a daughter. She lives in Tallahassee. He's just in Vegas. Yeah. Blowing her college money, but that's neither here nor there because she's never going to see him again.

You know what I mean? And also, like John McClane, he's always looking out for everyone. He was trying to get the insulin. For baby-o. Yeah. And he gets back on the plane. He gets off and gets back on the plane. He didn't have to do that.

No. He was sending Easter eggs. Uh-huh. Yep. Writing on dead dude's chest. On that body, dude? Yeah. Oh, dude.

Looking out for that security guard. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm doing that body dude oh dude looking out for the that security guard uh-huh yeah oh the lady yeah cuz he was yeah cuz Trejo God that one man yeah I don't we don't even need to get into it what a crazy story arc Danny Trejo had in that yeah you're just like holy buckets yeah why don't you guys write this character it's like a lovable a lovable, but it's like a ragtag group of villains. And then you're like. Yeah, this fucking dude. Hey, someone should get this guy in line. Also what Ving Rhames says, dirty naked freaks.

Another real good part of that movie. Yeah, dude. Cameron Poe, so dope. Excellent pick. Thanks, bud. Time for my final pick. Yeah, dude. Cameron Poe, so dope. Excellent pick. Thanks, bud. Time for my final pick. Yeah, let's throw it at me. With my final pick,

I'm taking the sculpted back and tries. And tries. Butterflies, I believe. Of Sarah Connor. Ooh! Terminator 2 style, Linda Hamilton.

I'm glad we covered all of Terminator. Fucking badass. Yolks. Yeah, dude. Yolked. And Sarah Connor is just also 100% concentrated power of will. 100%.

Yeah. She's just like. Not a lot of pleasure. No pleasure. She turns herself into a fucking weapon. Yeah. She was a waitress in the first one. Yeah.

And by the time the second one rolls around. I loved that switch. Yeah. Because, you know, it was, what was the time? It was a lot of time in between the war had happened right yeah he was at least what 12 or 13 yeah or no she was just getting ready for the war she's getting ready for it because she knew it was coming yeah but that yeah like when she's in the when she's in the hospital and the doctor comes and he's showing

her and she looks up she goes how's the knee yeah it's like she stabbed me with a pen in the knee I love that I'm watching her just like G.I. Jane I'm watching her do pull ups and I'm like man that's the only reason I never got a presidential fitness patch

is because I could never do a fucking pull up and they're just yuck Linda Hamilton she had like towels around her arms or whatever

doing that move oh shit that's right she was doing the straight up prison workout that whole using her bed doing like the prison squats and all that tipping it sideways and doing the pull ups right that's how she was doing the straight up prison workout that whole using her bed doing like the prison squats and all that tipping it sideways and doing the pull-ups right that's how she was

doing pull-ups i think so gangster dude yeah she rips in that movie she fucking then when they go to when they find her boys they get all the guns and she just got the vest on and what she's gonna she's so quick to want to kill that guy and eddie furlong's got to stop her gotta like hold her back a little bit let's try to talk this out before you just burn like an engineer guy yeah she's a fucking pitbull i remember he was in a ton of action movies i don't remember that guy he was in speed okay damn it well there you go it's a ton you know a bus weighs a ton so yeah turn! Yeah, dude, that's a solid ass pick. She's dope.

Sarah Connor, Zach, I'm gonna start with your final pick. Man, there's a lot on the board. There are, dude.

But I'm gonna have to go Jack Burton, Big Trouble, Little China. Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Kurti Russell kind of also has a little bit of cowardice. He's not actually the hero necessarily of that movie. One of those accidental heroes. Yeah.

Yeah. Or like in the big fight he uses the Uzi and he shoots the ceiling and it just drops on him and he's knocked out for like the first fight. And then he uses his like boot

to kill that one guy but then he's so heavy with the armor he can't get off of him. Like, got lipstick on most of the movie. Yeah.

Just saying crazy lines where he's like, I told my last wife, I only drive as fast as I can see. Everything else is just reflexes. Just like, I like that guy. He's had ex-wives.

He's like a truck driver. Yeah. He's always keeping it funny. Big T and little C, man. Fucking classic. One of the best. You're a,

you're a Kurt Russell guy. Oh, I love Kurt Russell. I know way too much about Kurt Russell. Portland Maverick's great. Kurt Russell. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. He was great at baseball. Last name Walt Disney ever wrote down on his deathbed. russell guy oh i love kurt russell i know way too much about portland mavericks great kurt russell yep yeah yeah he was great at baseball last name walt disney ever wrote down on his deathbed russell kurt russell really kurt russell on a pad and died what yeah dive into that a little more

what was he fucking right well he was just right well he was he was in the disney he was a child actor so he was a disney actor and so people think he was probably thinking of a movie that he was going to cast. Kurt Russell was in... Yeah, he was in like the Boy Who Wore Tennis Shoes. What? His dad was an actor too. Wow. So he's been in the game for a minute.

Crazy. Yeah, his dad was Sidney Poitier, right? Yep. Sidney Poitier. Look who's coming to dinner. It's my son, Kurt Russell. Poitier. Poitier.

Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Look who's coming to dinner. It's my son, Kurt Russell. Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Sidney Poitier. Mr. Poitier. Now I have an Oscar. Dude, we called you Mr. Dibs. In Portland, they used to do this thing called Movies in Black and White.

And you would watch the movie and they'd have comics come up and like discuss the racial, like just what this movie meant to you. The racial dichotomies. Yeah, for real. I cannot think of a show I would watch. And they had Sean do it. Yeah, I did it with a couple of them. What did you have to say? Seriously.

Wait till you hear what movie it was. Yeah. Why am I forgetting the name? What movie am I thinking of? It was Do the Right Thing. Yeah, which he had never seen before. He had never seen before that night. And I told the guy, I go-

Seems to me everybody's angry about some kind of a pizza pie. Seriously, I was sitting up there- It's a classic man in a base to spew. It was crazy. I'm glad you asked me here. Larry Bird is better than my- Yeah, magic.

I might as well have been naked, dude. When somebody asked me, they asked me they asked me a question i was like i don't know man i i they were like sean what is everyone's dope and like what and i was saying shit like that because i was nervous i was like everyone's dope and like i just we should all be able to get along and they're like so bad for you because they were like asking you very like okay sean now what political specific like yeah i was like i don't would you place on the trash can i had the fire in the

pizza shop symbolize friendship is dank uh pizzas i had no business i also want love and unity rings it was but i thought of it because the sydney party what what movie am i thinking of uh comment guess who's coming to dinner no no in the heat of the night yeah in the heat of the night yeah anyway that's why i thought because i had to do that one as well strong movies and i'm just like yeah everyone's dope you know and they're i was like i didn't really grow up around somebody got me because i go i didn't really grow up around like any i i just didn't see that in my life and they go what about native americans in south dakota and i go you're right i was wrong i did see that and i just didn't even think about it so yeah might as well have been fuck they might as well cut my tongue out it was ridiculous dude sounds like a bad night for a

worse show i was in the crypts and then run out crying cry walk out cry it's for life. I'm a puzzle. Seize up. David, it's time for your final pick. Fuck, I know, man. And it's like, all I got is weird shit left on here, man. I'll buy that for you. To be completely honest with you. To be completely honest with you, I just got weird shit.

Fuck, man. I don't even know. I don't really understand his role in this movie. All right. Was he a good guy? I don't know. Was he a bad guy? I don't really understand his role in this movie. All right. Was he a good guy? I don't know. Was he a bad guy? I don't know.

Was it an action movie? Was he magic? I don't know. Oh. I don't know. But I was very interested in the Papa Midnight character in Constantine. You guys never saw Constantine. I didn't know.

I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. I saw Constantine once. God damn it! It's been a while. I don't know if I could... I said, cool down, David. You're hot as a pistol.

I don't know... You're doing too goddamn much. I don't know if I could have paid less attention when I watched Constantine, but I have seen it. He was an angel, right? Oh, Juman Hantu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he like a... We don't know know he's like a voodoo guy at one point he like spits a bunch of fiery alcohol on the ground and he sends he sends constantine out

i'm you'll have people will have your back just because i know i'm gonna be in this room i got better ones on the list as soon as i said it i was like that's some crazy shit look it's the last pick of the draft. If you want to call an audible... Can I call an audible? Call an audible, yeah. Peach. I could eat a peach for hours. Pastor Troy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah. Yeah, dude. If I let you... Papa Midnight. If I were to send you flowers, where would I... Excuse me. If I let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful? And you're like, oh, I'm send you flowers, where would I, excuse me, if I let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful? And you're like, oh, I'm squirming, dude.

Yeah. It was so gross. Or when he's dressed up like a priest in the beginning. Oh my God. That was before that scandal dropped. Yeah. Whoa. That guy.

Yeah. He was a bad dude. He's a bad dude. Pollux was bad. Castor was bad as hell. But you get to see him play a hero and a villain, and it's fucking awesome. Yeah, John Travolta, ain't it cool?

How stoked do you think those two got where they're like, wait, we both get to be the villain and the hero? Those two knuckleheads, they love it. Oh, that was the best. Man, that set, they were playing pranks on people. They loved it. They were knuckleheads. They were knuckle not going to buy a new bolo tie. Yeah.

Let me tell you about my best friend. That was like- You want to go bolo tie shopping together? Yeah. Oh, I could wear a bolo tie for hours. Sounded more like Jimmy Stewart or Gabe Dinger. I don't know which one. Oh, yeah.

But that was damn near peak action Travolta and Cage. Oh, that was, like, as, like, big as a stupid 90s action movie. Yeah, yeah. Like, that was, like, big and stupid intersected right there. It was, like, perfect. Where they're just like, well, we have extra money, so let's get some doves, I guess, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no reason to go back to the studio with extra money.

What kind of gun should the villain have? Gold Desert Eagles. Make it real gold, though. John Woo loves doves. John Woo's putting doves in everything. I like that, though. I do like that. I'm going to do the same thing with pigeons. Pigeons. You're the pigeon. I'm bringing them back.

He's the John Woo of pigeons. Check out my YouTube channel. Caster Troy, excellent pick. Yeah, man. Excellent draft overall. Sean, you led us off with John McClain from Die Hard. Ethan Hunt, Beatrix Kiddo, John Wick, and then Cameron Poe.

Dude, I got a solid crew. I went second. I took John Rambo, Hobbes, James Bond, Jules Winfield, and Sarah Connor. Damn. All trouble. Zach, you went Indiana Jones, The Terminator, Hannah, Anton Schreier, and Jack Burton. David, you went last and took Ripley, Alonzo, Simon Phoenix, G.I. Jane, and Castor Troy.

Hell yeah, dude. Get 20 of those motherfuckers in a room, see what happens. I was just about to say, hearing them all like that, you're imagining them hanging out in the same room and you're like, God, I got a lot to control. That's exactly what I'm saying. Caster, put that down. Terminator, no. Who makes it out of that room? I guess Terminator.

Who makes it out of that? Ooh, I don't know. I guess Terminator. Yeah, Terminator. Here's what I kind of feel like, though, and I know it was my pick. Yeah. But I just feel like, no, no, no. I know it was my pick. Yeah. But I just feel like... No, no, no.

I feel... Oh, yeah. I feel like Ripley has made it out of so many impossible situations. Also, Jack Burton can't die. Yeah. I mean, that's a tough... That's a tough...

I don't know. That's the thing. None of them are... Well, the bad guys can die, I guess, because they die in their movies, but none of those heroes, I can't see any of them dying. Indiana Jones is dead.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. He's just them dying. Indiana Jones is dead. Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. He's just like, I belong in a museum. Yeah. He's a professor. That's what, you gotta look at the people who don't really have any particular skill set in there. Yeah, Cameron Poe's also dead. Cameron Poe's dead.

There's no dumb criminals in here. Hannah's dead quick. Sean McClane's probably dead pretty quick. Sean McClane's probably dead pretty quick. Sean McClane's probably dead. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as his shoes go off. Sarah Connor, God bless her.

You think Sarah Connor would be dead? Her and Bond are both dead pretty quick. Yeah. You think so? Pretty quick? I don't know. Maybe not. Bond needs gadgets.

Him in a room. So this is nothing. They don't have anything on them in the room? No. I mean, Termin I mean Terminators. Terminators. Knife hands or whatever. Then what's a wrap?

Wait, can he do that? No, he couldn't do that. But I mean, I'll tell you what he can do is just grab them all and crush them. He didn't have like the liquid shit. He couldn't go liquid. So he's just tearing people apart. He didn't update his software. I want to fucking tear you apart.

That song's playing. I love that song. We left some good ones on the board. Jason Bourne. Yeah. to fucking tear you apart. That song's playing. I love that song. We left some good ones on the board. Jason Bourne. Yeah. Jason Bourne, sorry. Oh, shit. Leon from The Professional.

Yeah. Papa Midnight from Constantine. Papa Midnight from Constantine. Nada from They Live. Frank Farmer from The Bodyguard. Oh, yeah. Blade. Blade.

Furiosa. I also had Rama from The Raid, if you guys saw that movie. Oh, shit, yeah. Hooch from Turner and Hooch. Any of Jackie Chan's roles would have been good. Reggie Hammond from 48 Hours. Oh, yeah. Neo Dalton.

John Matrix from Commando. Soul Singer Neo. Huh? Soul Singer Neo. Yeah, dude. Neo. Neo with a Y. N-E-Y-O.

Robin Hood was a fucking kind of a dang one. Oh, Snake Plissken. Snake Plissken. You Plissken Snake Plissken Yeah You were Kurt Russell Yeah What New York or LA? New York has to be

Okay LA is That's a tough watch Really went off the rails Yeah yeah It's an odd one It's not the same film It's really not

It's not the same film We're going to watch a film Film Film With some chavs Hell yeah man That basketball scene in that movie hard to watch yeah also the hang gliding scene oh i was gonna pick bruce wayne would that have been out of uh

out of line no no yeah that was you would have taken batman i was wondering well i was gonna pick bruce wayne and that's that feels like it would have been dumb to me because he never did anything yeah why would you pick you billionaire playboy i don't know's why I didn't ultimately, but that crept into my mind. Maybe it was because I was a little tore up last night. Maybe that's why I crept. I don't want to be out of line here, but I was a little tore up. Celebrating when Carmilla had a 15-minute special on that one. Listen, the kitten got into the cream.

You don't got to tell me about it. I'm going to be a fucking asshole here. Hell yeah. Sweet boys. Excellent, excellent picks all around. Please send us yours on twitter or instagram or the email at all fantasy pod on twitter

at all fantasy podcast on at gmail.com shout out to everyone on twitter shout out to everyone on instagram shout out to the AFE subreddit in the room but not on mic fucking shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to Sid Vicious. Shout out to Sid Vicious. Shout out to Mr. Perfect, man. Shout out to Kid Fishes. Oh, dude. Shout out to International Waters. Shout out to Fish and Chips, bro. Shout out to Fish and Chips. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. Shout out. Shouts.

What video game are you playing right now, Marissa? Still Overwatch? Look up Marissa on Overwatch. Follow her on Twitter. Play Overwatch with her. Yep. But most importantly, for God's sake. For God's sake.

Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Dirty N naked freaks. Ha ha ha!