All Fantasy Everything - Actors to Play Emperors (w/ James Adomian and Amy Miller)

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

This is our Roman Empire.Guests:James Adomian (IG @jadomian, X @jadomian)Amy Miller (IG @amymillercomedy, X @amymiller)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. Today, boy, I'm falling apart. Sean's gone on assignment, certifying the election in Venezuela. But today we are fantasy drafting actors to play emperors. Our guest today is the very talented stand-up comedian, James Adomian, an actor and so many other things, James Adomian.

Our other guest today is all fantasy everything favorite, the wonderful, the hilarious Amy Miller. Sean's gone, but David is here. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, let's get into it. And we're getting into it, I forgot, we don't play the song anymore. We're just right into it. Isaac, actually, how have we been structuring

these episodes? They've just been beginning. The song plays. The song plays, and then we're just off to the races. And then we're just fuckin' off all the races. Yeah, and then we're just fucking off to the races No foreplay You got the notes from the radio network where they were like We want these guys to drop the intro song and go straight into the content at the top of the hour

from the fat Mention the sponsors immediately. We've been acquired by Peter Thiel. So there were a lot of immediately. We've been acquired by Peter Thiel. So there were a lot of notes coming in, coming in hard, coming in fast. And I don't know, the notes seem smart, they seemed capable, much unlike Kamala Harris. They seemed something that we could rely on

for the future, you know? Is it clear? Is it Peter Thiel? Oh, I see. I was just gonna sit in it. There was enough of a pause, but I was like, what happened to him? I'm sweaty. Well, yeah, I'm single handedly dragging this podcast to the right.

And I'll be I'll be goddamned if it doesn't happen. Well, I agree with Ian Carmel. It's not that the Democrats, you know, that I abandoned them. It's that they got too liberal. What are you reading? My diary? It just sounds like all of my aunts just smoking a cigarette. That is the ultimate like, it's not my fault. It's not my fault I got angry at how people are young

and won't be dying soon. They'll just say the most fucked up shit and then be like, you want chicken and dumplings? I'm like, yes, I do. Because it's, the hate makes it taste so good. That's how, that's the secret ingredient. Really, if on Twitter, if you had to read somebody's like insane odious comment,

but then you were given chicken and dumplings, that would make it a lot easier. I think that- I know. That would be just a gimmick restaurant. It would be a wonder. I think that could heal this country, Amy. I think you should start a chain of restaurants where people with political differences come together

over a plate of chicken and dumplings. I mean, some of the craziest start a chain of restaurants where people with political differences come together over a plate of chicken and dumplings I mean some of the craziest people make the tastiest food. What are you gonna do? You're in Vegas. That's where they could do experiment with crazy restaurants Yeah, I'm gonna get a sushi rito later Amy Miller's across the aisle a chicken and dumplings experience Amy Miller's across the aisle a chicken and dumplings experience You don't like the words a chicken and dumpling experience Well, it's out of your chicken coop. That's a bathroom term be a free-range mind Let's start getting into it because this topic topic is very fun and very silly. Sean's not here.

David Bore is, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Yeah. Where can people see you? This is coming out at the end of September. At the end of September, you can- Yes, this is September 26th. So you just saw me at High Plains Comedy Festival. Oh, we had fun.

Oh my god, we were so funny. Me and Amy robbed the hotel blind. All the pics were great. You can go to David Borey dot er no patreon.com backslash David Borey and Purchase my special birth of a nation with a G. It's so fun There's a over 50 videos of content all kinds of stuff over there for free along with the special Also, if you're in Denver on Saturday, you can come to Primo, a comedy show at Dude IDK Studios, where I'll be doing new material if I'm in town.

And if I'm not, go buy tickets to see me where I am. If it's September 26th, you've started showing feet on the Patreon now, right? That was your late- No, that's Q1 next year. That's Q1 next year. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. That's Q1.

Isaac, we can take that out, right? Yeah, please, please, please, please. I'm trying to build That's Q1. Isaac, we can take that out, right? Yeah, please, please, please, please. Yeah, we'll take that. I'm trying to build an empire, Ian. What the? What the? What the? What the? What the?

What the? James Adomian is here! James, this is your first time on All Fantasy. How? I think it is technically the first time on. I usually- That's crazy. For God's sake! I'm usually separately, all of you guys from the show find me at a bar a day or two after

one of the episodes, just separately be like, this podcast is killing me. I'm dying out there. And I'm the shoulder to cry on for everybody after they go through the ordeal. I don't know how much longer I can keep going, James. We got no topic left. It's all fantasy everything, day and night. I thought it was just a name, but it really is everything. Every part of my life.

If I'm at the grocery store, I fantasy draft the cereals. I can't help it. That's just how I'm built, though. I'm looking at Captain Crunch, and I'm looking at which categories he fulfills. Yeah. I'm saying though. That was good. I'm looking at Captain Crunch and I'm looking at which categories he fulfills. Yeah, I'm saying who would be his famous mistress. Oh my God. Oh.

Sugar Bear. Ooh. Who did Sugar Bear? Oh, Sugar Bear's a good, yeah. They changed her name, it's not Aunt Jemima anymore. They did. They changed her name? Mm-hmm.

But Mrs. Butterworth is still out there. Ooh, Captain Crunch and Mrs. Butterworth? Yeah, that's a spicy pairing. That is hot. That's the Beyoncé and Jay-Z of the grocery store. I want to smell that room. What about Halle Berry maybe? Oopsall Berries.

Oopsall Berries. That's their fight that was caught on TMZ. He's like in a hotel lobby like, I did it for you. I did it for you. Now when you hear Captain Crunch say it that way, he's like, he's, she's, he's like Roger Rabbit height on her. And she has him right up to her chest and he's like, oops, oh, there he is. I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I just want to taste the essence of that room in the milk at the end. I stand on it.

I stand right on it. I'm going to have to alter my breakfast later today, guys. That's what we aim to do here at All Fantasy Everything is alter breakfast. James, where can people see you? Well, as of today, it's been one week that my comedy special, Path of Most Resistance, has been available streaming on YouTube and all other platforms.

And you can find it also on 800lbgorillaMedia.com. This is phenomenal, it is. And this is the culmination of decades of thinking about doing something. This is the culmination of decades of thinking about doing something. This is the culmination of many years of bitching about why something didn't happen and then finally just doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thinking about it's the first step. Some would say the most important step.

Yeah. You got to think about it. You got to think about it for years and years and years sometimes. And the complaining is crucial for sure. This is all addressed in InSpecial on stage, Path of Most Resistance, my debut stand-up comedy special. That's wild. Out now on YouTube streaming. That is wild. That's crazy. Although I do think people follow you around in bootleg James The Domian's like they do,

like they used to The Grateful Dead and stuff like that. I think there's a rich bootleg tape network. There are. I got them in helium at 12. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not, I mean that's.

I'm not joking. I do think that happens. That is very true. I don't do TikTok as of now, and TikTok is full of bootlegs, and also YouTube, there's like full hours of me. There's, and it's too much to take down because there's people that watch it and like it,

and I'm like, well, it's me in Richmond, Virginia, doing a two hour set when I used to be young and do that for no, when you used to be like, oh, I like this show, I'll go on for two hours. Yeah, I'm just gonna do another hour and then get out of here. And start struttin' around the stage. I've watched the Paul Masson thing 30 times and I don't know who put that up.

Oh yeah, that was me at the midnight show at UCB back in the day. I also do, I do record all of our conversations at Akbar and release them on YouTube. I see, I see The Ackbar tapes. Yeah. Oh, as Grateful Dead, James will go be in the Ackbar tapes. Amy puts them out though, like the way books on tape used to come in the early 90s, where

they were in that sort of clam shell container with tapes stuck in it. Do you remember those things? Yes. Yeah, like Disney VHS's used to come in. tape stuck in it. Do you remember those things? That was just satisfying. Yeah, like Disney VHS's used to come in. And there was always, it was the clamshell molded to the thing that was in it. And there was always, if it was a set of six cassette tapes where it's like a survey of the Bible

or whatever the fuck it was. There was one, there's one tape always missing. As soon as you've had it. The family's had it for like two years. It's just one tape is never there. It's always gone. If you want to hear Paul's letter to the Ephesians, you should have a lot. That's not happening today.

It's a problem. The more educationals the set, the more tapes. Yeah, right. You know, there was never like a five tape set about monster trucks. What is there to be said? That's true. Yeah. Right. You know, there was never like a five tape set about monster trucks. What is there to be said? That's true. You got to see it to believe it. It's called the collected works of Van Halen, David, and it exists.

It's called Panama. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday at the LA Coliseum. Monster Truck Madness. For the next segment, turn the page at the LA Coliseum. Monster Truck Madness, for the next segment, turn the page at the chine. Should we release All Fantasy Everything on tapes? Yes. That'd be our next move?

Yeah. We're going all tapes. We're going all bootleg AFV. And when you buy it as merch at a live event, you give out Teddy Rockspens for them to play it in Teddy Ruxpin wearing a South Dakota t-shirt for Sean Jordan will Narrate all fancy everything for you. There was nothing more exciting than putting a different tape in that Teddy's back Oh, it felt so wrong. When you realized you could do it, I remember that. I was like, you could put other tapes in.

Make him dance a little bit. Teddy knows Run DMC. Yeah. Singing Paula Abdul, Rush Rush. Straight up now, tell me. It's so romantic. Going out to the park where the playground is with a Teddy Ruxpin on your shoulder.

Blasting whatever you want. Everybody's turned on. Going up your ex-girlfriend's house, holding up a Teddy Ruxpin, playing in these eyes. Or in your eyes. Amy Miller is here. At Amy Miller on Twitter. At Amy Miller on Instagram.

At Amy Miller comedy on Instagram. God damn it. One of these days. That's okay. One of these days. That's okay. It's these days. That's okay. It's a very common name. It's a very common name.

You're the only one I've ever known. You're the only one I care to know. If I meet another Amy Miller, I ask her to change her name. Or I remove her from my life. Where can people see what you're up to right now? Go to amymillercomedy.com for my shows. Please follow me on Instagram. Oh, what's coming up? Oh, I know I'll promote the Santa Cruz Comedy Festival

Santa Cruz, California. Here's what you got. You got you got Mosha, Natasha, me, Beth Stelling Doug loves movies That's good. That's a great lineup. Went on by our friend DNA real name A wonderful man. Yeah, that's the first weekend in October in Santa Cruz, California. But for all my dates, you can just see me online.

The banana slice, Santa Cruz is beautiful. It's great. It's so pretty, the air, crisp. So crisp. The trees, the tree, you got redwoods, you have clatches of redwoods up there? It's gonna be a beautiful time. I went to Christian camp out there.

It was very nice, the weather. What was Christian camp like? Did you go away for a week, two weeks? What was the duration? One week, campfire was on Friday, so between Sunday and Friday, it's all about finding a date with whom you will, at max, hold hands. At max.

And not even intertwined fingers, because God's watching. Is that sexual? Is that more sexual? Oh, yeah. Don't tell me, don't tell me, dude. All right, now I see it, now I see it, now I see it. Amy, are you from Sacramento, am I right?

I'm from Oakland. You're from Oakland. Oh right, you're right there. It hurt my feelings. So Santa Cruz. That was rough. Santa Cruz is like your El Segundo. I guess.

It was a lot of Bible study in the morning, then you play softball, volleyball, arts and crafts, swimming. And then go back to more Bible study and then night service. Was it a sleepaway camp? Yes. I've recently become fascinated, I never did a sleepaway camp except once for Boy Scouts, but I've become fascinated with it recently

because my wife is from Chicago. And forgive me if I've talked about this on several episodes in a row listeners They would go away for eight weeks at a time in the summer. I know pretty awesome for parents. It's it is Core part of the Jewish American experience It is indeed like it's not too late for you to go. That's what I'm hoping. I've never went on Birthright.

It always seemed like what it was to me. But I would like now a late in life adult Jewish summer camp experience. Take your Birthright in New Hampshire. Why not? That's what I wanna do. I wanna do Birthright in the woods of Wisconsin. That's what we should change it to.

Let's get all that APEC money flowing in to fly out of work comedy writers to the northern woods of Wisconsin that's what we should change it to let's get all that a pack money Flying in to fly out of work comedy writers Sounds pretty good. I think it would be I think it would be delightful My name is you deserve this I deserve it. Thank you. Thank you. I resisted the propaganda for long enough I'm ready to go the entire premise of all fantasy is like, feels like something that came out of a Jewish summer camp. Yeah. She said it.

I mean, you gotta make up games. Mafia, what a blast. You know all those podcasts they come up with at one of those Jewish summer camps. Yeah. We've got documents, folks, that go back decades proving that these Jewish summer camps are coming out with over 50% of the podcast content. No, Jewish summer camps are run by the media, which in turn...

I'm just pointing things out. I'm just noticing things. I don't have anything to promote. Read T-Shirt Swim Club, a book I'm very proud of and that I hope you'll enjoy. And that's it. That's kind of it. I don't have any road dates right now.

I'm just chilling. Chill out, man. It's a great place to be. What a nice thing. Chilling with your color coordinated library. That's it. You're just watering plants and reading the back of books. Holding up, holding up,

holding up Pantone color sheets to the books just to make sure they're the exact right order. Pantone, is that, or is that the bread? Pantone, Pantone is a sweet bread. Okay, Pantone is the sweet bread, Pantone is the color company, all right, great. Yeah. Okay. We're gathered here today not to talk about sweet breads,

although who knows, it might come up. Although sweet breads themselves are meat? Yep, intestines. That's right. Oh, yeah. I don't know why I said oh, they are good actually. I love all that stuff. Awful, O-F-F-A-L.

Yeah, hey. More like delicious. Got him. Not so awful-L. More like delicious. Got him. Not so awful to me. Not so awful. We're getting to today, not to talk about that, but rather to fancy draft actors to play emperors in movies. James Adomian, this topic came from you.

Yes, blame me. Clearly. What was the impetus behind this? Well, I was just thinking about, you know, there's the Dune movie that came out this summer to wide acclaim. Yeah. There's a new Gladiator out. Yes.

And I was thinking, you know, there's emperors. Sometimes there's space emperors, sometimes there's Roman emperors. America loves emperors in our movies. They're usually bad guys, but sometimes they're Christopher Walken. Right? Where he's like, is this guy a good guy or a bad guy? And in the new gladiator, it's Denzel Washington. We don't know if he's a good guy or a bad guy yet. We haven't, we haven't gotten into it. Right. As long as he's not a cop. I don't even care He sees part of RPD now watch when it will you'll see when it comes out He's gonna be like now as the Roman Emperor. I also happen to be the chief law enforcement officer

This is a very hetero topic for you to choose. No, it's not. Do you know how many of these emperors, do you know how gay, look at any performance of the Roman emperor in anything, ever. Well, it's always a gay villain. Yeah.

Also, your second choice that was a close second, I think, actors for hardcore gay sex scenes. Yeah, that was number two. Weirdly enough, my list does not change. This topic was also decided upon in the way that I think many empires have begun, which is a group of men discussing. That's right. Without me men discussing. That's right

Without me weighing it. That's right. And then it was forced upon me Listen, I was a brunch. I Don't know I I don't know many women that care a lot about emperors Well, this is where it starts. I think if you all weren't still in charge all the time, it might be more whimsical to look back on tyrannical male leaders. Can I make, I don't need an emperor in real life, but in a movie, I need it in more movies. I need like in some kind of romance movie,

I need there to just be a gratuitous emperor character. Also, Napoleon counts as emperors. Here's the thing. He was an emperor. Yes, when you get into an emperor character in a movie, you now have a gay character that has a lot of power and you, or, you know, there's a, there's a 70% chance the character is gay or should be played that way. And also you have no matter what the orientation of the character or the actor, you have probably a bad guy, but a character

that will chew scenery every time the camera is on them. You don't play the space emperor in star wars or dune. You don't play Napoleon or emperor Nero without like feasting upon grapes and every delight before you have someone killed. You have to be holding a goblet at all times if you're gonna Emperor. Yeah, yeah. You should usually. Analgene. It's reusable, you see.

You should have wet half-naked people of every sex behind you just sort of like, just sort of like mincing around kind of, you know what I mean, like in the background. This is what I picture that it's like at Guy Branum's house every day I think there's a lot more Canadian Parliament talk at Guy Branum's house Oh yes, welcome to the latter day Roman Emperor of Guy, Emperor Branum I swear Now you think independence happened in 1946 or 1980. He was the

first name on my list for this draft. I swear to fucking God. I swear. Like he's the top one. I thought he's very every he complained emperor in any era. Guy Branham. I'd like to see it happen. Oh, I've got a script. I'm shopping right now. in any era, Guy Branum. I would like to see it happen. And I've got a script I'm shopping right now. Oh yes. He just looks rich. He's from Sacramento, right? Or Stockton? Where is he?

Something like that. Just outside. Yeah, yeah, just outside. Modesto-ish kind of situation. Yuba City. Yuba City. Guy Branum and I, we tell this story every time we're on an event together.

The first time we met, it was at a gay party outside, like a backyard party, but full of gays. And we found out that we were, A, both gay, but also had both played football for years. And so, and then we were also wrestlers. And so within an hour, we were drunk and wrestling in the backyard... in the mud, and we slipped and we... We fought to a standstill, like Robin Hood and Little John,

and we... Who was who? Well, that's a good question at this point. And then we tumbled into a fence and knocked a fence over, me and Guy Branagh. That's when we met. That's... Beautiful. To be a fly on that wall.

That's like a timeless story of American boyhood right there. That's all that is. That's a Mark Twain story. Well, Tom Sawyer had just finished painting it. And was like, no! No! Well, part of it. You know, he'll help.

The way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, we gotta play again. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Amy wins a scissors against two paper.

Amy who- The tiniest scissors you've ever seen. Just some of those little safety scissors, more plastic than metal. Amy who plucked this topic out of obscurity and fought for it against all other- I was asleep. Amy, it is, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors,

it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is, oh, what is that? I've never heard of this before. I don't know. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what it is either.

What, a sound? A sound? A serpentine? No, a serpentine draft. Serpentine shell! Shelly! Serpentine shelly! I don't know, I don't know.

The best I can say, I don't know how to describe it. I just don't know how to describe a serpentine draft. Isaac? It's like a snake, right? It goes back and forth like a snake? That's what it is? Yeah, yeah. I guess it's like a, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. Something like that. As the sacred caduceus with the dual snakes, the dual serpents twirling around it. Wait. In days of y'all. With that in mind, Amy, what will the order of today's draft be?

Let's go James, Ian, David, Amy. Maybe by the time it's my turn, I will know something about emperors. I was hoping for a similar situation. I got you. Or actors.

Amy, who I imagine put in a lot of thought and homework into this topic as it was her pick, is going last, I think, because she has a strategy that she's gonna put into this topic as it was her pick is going last. I think because she has a strategy that she's gonna put into place. A lot of dark horses. But James, you have the first pick and we're gonna get to that pick right after

this short break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, I got a question for you. We asked the same question quite a bit, but it is very important to us. What do you do strictly for yourself? You know, a lot of people work out, some people, myself included, I like to walk, some people eat a popsicle every day.

I don't know any of those people, but I bet they exist. You gotta have those non-negotiable things, those things that you do just for yourself, and the more that your schedule gets packed, the more you can kind of skip those things you know you got kids you got work just stuff I mean sometimes I don't even know where the day went it just disappeared like this last weekend for example it was just going to the hotel that was my

non-negotiable had to get it done just something for me and a lot of people non-negotiables like therapy, are more important than ever. If that's something that you need and you're not finding time for it, you gotta change that, you know what I mean? I've never heard of anybody going to therapy who didn't benefit at all.

I really have never, it can be different ways, but it's always gonna help. At least you get your foot in the door. If you've been thinking about it, then try it. Talk to somebody, get those spare ears, Playboy. You gotta have someone to listen to you rant a little bit. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, go on and give BetterHelp a try.

There's a reason we talk about it so much. It's done entirely online. It's convenient, flexible, they suit it to your schedule. All the good stuff. They hit all the bullet points for you. Just fill out a brief questionnaire. You can match with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists at any time.

And check this out, no additional charge. Holler at your boy. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed

We are drafting actors to play Empress James it's time for your first pick. Um, I think this one is I'm stretching it with the first one, but it's so good I want to have and I think he already does think of himself this way But I want to have, and I think he already does think of himself this way, the only question is, you know, can he be an actor? And he's, you know, he dances into other people's jobs, of course. So really, anyone could be an actor. And I've got to say, Elon Musk, as a very evil emperor, uncharismatic, like, like comedists

in Gladiator. Yeah. Petulant, pouty, you know, like, I just don't think that there's any reason for there to be something that creates a system of masters and servants. So therefore have him killed. I would like to see the way a toga hugs those,

his weird, weird, not to body shame, weird little body. Right. He little? No, but he's got, weird little body. Right. He little? No, but he's got a weird little body on him. It's a strange shape and it moves in weird ways. Well, it's optimized for the exercise of masculine power. He's got a body that makes me wanna see a skeleton, is the best way I can put it. Yeah, there's extra bones.

Yeah, there's some going on. There is a lateral genius bone that runs parallel to the shoulders. He, is there, I mean, between him and Rudy Giuliani, the I've destroyed all of my goodwill marathon that the two, race that these two guys are running is pretty amazing. I still remember very clearly when he was the electric car flamethrower guy.

And you were like, oh, that's kinda cool. Yeah, and space on top of it. And then he was like the wolf mind virus. And you're like, okay. Oh no. He goes to the same gym as all the podcast guys. Yeah. He's not using any of the equipment, Oh no. He goes to the same gym as all the podcast guys. Yeah. Yeah.

He's not using any of the equipment, but he's walking around with a goblet. I go to the gym. I have a very strange gym that I exercise upon with my ideas. It is a stack of Marcus Aurelius books. Speaking of emperors. Fucking rich dudes love Marcus Aurelius., speaking of emperors. Fuckin' rich dudes love Marcus Aurelius. I think that would be the role that Elon Musk would be

playing Marcus Aurelius. A late in life Elon Musk self-funding a Marcus Aurelius biopic starring him is like very much in the cards. That is very much in the cards. That hurts my stomach. She has an idea. I kind of think that's where we're, right now we're in the era of the celebrity,

or just famous person, hagiography documentary, right? Where like, starting, the last dance was kind of like this, where it's like a rich, powerful person putting out a documentary about them that makes them look good. That's what's happening now.

Biographic books are kind of like that too. I think the next step of that is these rich, powerful people portraying other rich, powerful people in movies. I think the Elon Musk, Marcus Aurelius thing is next. Oh my God. And it's not unprecedented. Some of these emperors did cosplay as actors back in the real day, right? Right, like it would step on stage in Rome, right? Nero Nero was it was a scandal

He was the one that broke it open where he was like I am a god and I have maximum power And I also will perform this play for you I also do a little bit of acting. Elon Musk, it's an amazing pick. He's been on SNL, it's not unprecedented. Right, so he's on IAB. So he can act. Yeah, well he's crazy enough to try it.

He came out to try to do standup, like this guy doesn't know what's going on. He's, of course he's gonna be an actor. It's so sad what his aspirations are, like the things he can't have because he's a rich guy, which is like being a writer on Rick and Morty and a stand-up comedian. That would be fun to have him in the Emperor role

where he comes out and he's performing to a stadium full of people. Like, you know, the beloved clown played by Dave Chappelle brings him on and then everyone's like, oh boo. And then he's like, lock the exits, release the lions into the stadium crowd. Phenomenal. It is time for my first pick on the heels of Elon Musk.

Oh man. I was really trying to come out of the gate swinging with Guy Branum, but as I cannot. I'm so sorry. It's all right. It's all right. I'm going hard comedy, which I will be doing with a lot of these, and I'm going to cast

a baby as Genghis Khan. How cute is that? It's so cute! I just want a little baby riding the steps on the back of a horse, leading a band of mounted archers terrorizing China, a little baby sitting down with the emperors of China, organizing with them, burning mountains of its opposition's bodies. Baby baby or like toddler baby?

Toddler baby, I'm talking about like a year and a half old. Talking, walking. Not quite talking. No, he's blowing his mouth with AI. Yeah, like noises. Wah wah wah. Yeah, yeah, Luke who's talking style. I have a pitch for your logo,

which is the Kerber baby logo, but it says Genghis. That's perfect, and he's wearing a little fur hat. Wow. And he's got a big mustache. For the t-shirt. For sure he's got the mustache, he's got a little beard. And some kind of plastic sword. He's got a plastic sword, he's on a little baby horse too. He's got the mustache. He's got a little beard and some kind of plastic sword He's got a plastic sword. He's on a little baby horse, too. He's on like a little pony. Oh

Everybody else is on big horses The sequel to boss, baby baby He's still got like the multiple wives and everything but he's not sleeping with him obviously. He's just being doted on by a bunch of women. He's just getting puppies. Well, he's suckling at their breasts. He's suckling. He'll suckle. He's not opposed to suckling.

He's still voiced by Alec Baldwin. He's still voiced by Alec Baldwin is there. From prison. Just off camera. It leads me to my first pick, Alec Baldwin. Fuck. I would just like to see a baby playing Angus Khan. I think it would be cute. I think it would be funny. I think it's the biopic we deserve. And then he starts crying, you know, you have someone over

and he starts crying around 4 p.m. and they're like, aww, he hasn't had his slaughter yet for the day. Yeah. He has a rattle made out of a skull full of teeth. Like all that stuff. He's still terrifying. He's still Genghis Khan. He's the child emperor. Yeah. Seizing Baghdad, all that stuff. It's extra scary. He's still terrifying. He's still Genghis Khan. He's the child emperor. Yeah. Seizing Baghdad, all that stuff.

It's extra scary. It's extra scary. Because the baby is worse. David Boyd, time for your first pick. My first pick is not based in anything other than he looks regal to me. I think that's enough. Yeah. I'm taking Charles Melton.

Did you guys see May December? Yeah. He was basically a boy king in that movie. Yeah. Strong jaw. I love that movie. Innocent eyes. Yeah, that movie was great.

Jarring, great. Charles Melton, if you could buy actor stock, I would buy a lot of Charles Melton stock, and I'm kind of amazed he wasn't nominated for a Best Supporting Actor. He's an Alaskan dreamboat. He's from Alaska? Yeah.

Whoa, that's cool. Noah. Yeah. What? Oh no, yeah, he is super hot. And he was in, he was in History of the World, I think, briefly. One of the sketches.

He's, he's Alaskan. That's impossible. That solves everything. Crazy enough to make you an emperor. Well, he also went to high school in Manhattan, Kansas. So he's relatable. Go wild. Is he is he an emperor of ancient times or space times? Ancient times. He was a playboy who was thrust into it reluctantly. I didn't want this power. Also, I'm hearing Manhattan, Kansas and Alaska. This sounds like a military kid to me.

And what better training for your empire than going from base to base. He does look like someone who would walk into an ongoing orgy with a smirk on his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he could sell that part of being an emperor really well. An ongoing orgy? Yeah, yeah, it's ongoing. No one has the awkward part of starting it.

No, it's already begun. He gets the intern he gets the intern Person to show up at a party an ongoing orgy If you bust last in the first round He would look good on a horse, look good in an orgy. I could see him holding a sword. So we're seeing like an ancient, we're thinking ancient Roman emperor for Charles Melton. Yeah, but he also looks like he could be kind of dumb behind that.

Which I think is important for an emperor. I think so too. That's why I picked a baby. Cause they believe in themselves. They believe in themselves, they're kind of dumb, you know? Yeah. Soft spots. Soft spots on their heads.

Well that's why he's wearing a helmet. Not to go back to my pick. All right, I'd like to see Charles Melton. That's actually like a really good casting. I think Baby and Elon Musk are maybe harder to get across the goal line with an executive, but I could see Charles Melton getting brought up. Oh, I think we're in.

I think we're in. I could see him in the leave behind doc. You already have the studio executive lurching for the chest full of money. Yeah. Yeah. Zzzzzzz. Which is, people, listeners who are not in the industry

might not know, it is a pirate, like a treasure chest, like from pirate movies, glittering in the corner. Yeah, and there is a skull, there is a skull of someone who almost got into development that's right there. There's a skull. On a sword. So when your overall deal is canceled, somebody flips a coin and either you're killed or not,

and if you're killed, your skull is added to the pile. There's a scepter, there's a crown, there's a skull, and you go into Netflix and you pitch and hopefully they flip you one of those coins. I do always picture executives, if I'm going into a meeting, like that they will be holding a goblet as well, but not offer you anything to drink. You still get bottled water. It's still a Dasani. But they just-

It's still like a, I'm sitting there and they're eating candy dates. And there's a monkey fanning them. And you get- A 22 year old man. And you get room temperature LaCroix. Lemon. A 22 year old SMU graduate whose dad is in the industry. Amy, time for your first pick.

Do you feel like you understand more about emperors after those first three? I mean, we're doing something. I think we're all doing something different, but that's fun. This is a flexible, it's what we call in the industry, a flexible hook. That's right. Okay. I'm going to start with the drama.

I guess. Yeah. I think it's similar reasoning to David. He looks regal and I would listen to him. I'd follow him straight to hell. Michael Chickless. Oh. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the look. What has Chickless been up to lately? We go now to our segment, what has Chickless been up to lately? He does a lot of fishing, you know, big, big fish. He's got a boat. I follow him on Instagram.

I see what he's up to. So you're not making this up? No, no. No, he loves big fish. She's got a boat. I follow him on Instagram. I see what he's up to So you're making this up? No. No. No, he loves the fish. He cooks a lot He's still hanging out with Goggins all the time. Really? You love to see that? Oh, yeah, yeah big time since the shield. I love a round head. It's like a perfect circle. It's so good. It's as if a man were a baby. He's a baby man. You're kind of picking a baby as well.

We've sort of made the same pick here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And with Guy Branum as well. Guy Branum. This is us triangulating Guy Branum. Yeah, I love that.

I'll tell you, I'm on his Wikipedia right now. And I'll tell you what he was in. The Adam Sandler vehicle, Hubie Halloween. He was in 2020's Hubie Halloween. It wasn't bad, but standards were low during the quarantine for a new movie. This is true. I remember loving it. We were happy to be given anything. It was definitely a slop and bowl period of entertainment. Yeah.

We were drunk on whiskey and afraid. When they're like, oh, it was Picasso's blue era. You're like, no, this was Hollywood's slop and bowl phase. Slop and bowl. These were the slop and bowl days. They were green light and 70 shows a week. They really were. We fucking blew it.

Amy, what kind of emperor is Michael Chickless playing? You know what? If I knew more about emperors, I could maybe let you know what the answer to that question is. Is he a tyrant or is he of the people and is he in space or is he in the ancient times? I mean, I think, okay, maybe this is for me personally, but kind of like a Caligula, like a sexy, sex guy.

Oh, wow. Oh, really? Blood and cum pouring down his face. Yeah. Yes. Red wine, dipping his bald head into a cask of red wine and having someone lick it off. Exactly. You can have people lick anything off

once you have even more than even just like a legal American amount of power. I'm so glad you brought that up. Licking honey off of his round tummy. Anything that's that spherical can get licked up. I feel like he's spherical everywhere. Yeah. Chickless hits me as a hard guy.

He's like a snowman. He's like a hard snowman. My chickless is just three flesh circles stacked on top of each other. You notice you only see him in pilot season because right now he's seasonally melted. He's gone, yeah. Right now he's being kept high on a mountain in Patagonia to prepare

My thing is a perfectly spherical penis That's the fourth fourth, that's the fourth or The name of his Emperor movie. Did you call the fourth orb? Yeah Starring Michael Chickless Did you call it the fourth orb? Yeah. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Starring Michael Chickless. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Also, if you say starring Michael Chickless, I'm watching anything. Yeah, for sure. The commish? Commish.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. He'll be Halloween, evidently. Ha ha ha. He, he was a child actor. Look explain that, but that means you have another pick right now. Oh, god damn it. Okay, I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time.

I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna go comedy this time. I'm gonna we didn't adequately explain that, but that means you have another pick right now. Oh, god damn it. Okay, I'm gonna go comedy this time.

And I'm gonna say Edie McClurg. Oh! Otherwise known as that silly little round red-haired lady. From Ferris Bueller, the fifth orb, Edie McClure. I don't appreciate the way you're speaking to me right now. Oh, gobble gobble. Yeah, that would be fun. Does she have that hair? Of course. It's a built-in crown. She doesn't need a crown. God gave her one. That's goddamn right. We should have known when she was a baby born like that. She should have been brought to the top of a mountain, the anointed one.

Shosa is the empress of like whatever role she's played. You know, every job that she's doing in every role is like her own little tyrannical empire. The rental car counter. You know, the high school front desk like she rules with an iron fist Her name always wins Her name could have only been Edie McClurg McClurg like a sound she makes when she's coming I think I think that you could refer to her royal name might be Emperor Clurg. Ooh, that's a good Emperor name.

Oh yeah. McClurgius I, if you want to take it back to ancient Rome. And by the way, they should have put her in a Star Wars movie. What the fuck? She should have, absolutely. She should have played, Boba Fett should have taken the helmet off and it should have been Edie McClurg underneath that. Now that's gonna get butts in seats.

That's gonna get wet butts in seats. Oh honey, I've got this baby Yoda. He he he he he. Do we have, are Edie McClurgs, I know she's 79, wow, good for her. Do we have Edie McClurgs in Hollywood right now, or is that why we've lost our way? We're running low on them.

We're running low on McClurgs, right? Yeah. There's people that could take that turn, you know? Yeah. Like a Meg Stalter could take that turn, maybe. Oh, shit. In a few more years. She's too young right now.

Yeah. I mean, I want it to be me. I would love it to be, this is what I'm saying. Be honest. This is my appeal. This is my appeal. I think you could play the Edie McClurg role in Elon Musk's upcoming I, Comedist movie. Behold, my wife and master All will kneel

Amy when you see me eating McClurg, and I'm so sorry to ask you this Emperor movie happening paint us a little picture there What kind of emperors what kind of emperor is shit? the murdery kind oh Shit like the kind that kills her own son to take the throne? Yeah. Maybe. I mean, like a Cleopatra kind of situation. Oh, I like that. Cleopatra. Yeah, she's got a snake. Cleopatra?

Cleopatra had knives out, right? For sure. Like, true knives out. She carried around on a palinquin, you know, I think like having an affair with Alexander the Great Every entrance, yeah horns horns that play one note one or two notes I'd like to see By handmaidens who are wearing Edie McClurg wigs, also kind of dressed like it. You know how like Queen Amidala in the first Star Wars movie was surrounded by lookalikes to keep her safe?

I think McClurg should have like the McClurgettes who follow her around. We're just the bunch of Edie McClurgs. She should have that in real life to protect her. That's right. More of that. David Bowie. It could be Edie McClurg for Halloween. It's settled. We should You should be eating McClark for Halloween.

It's settled. We should all be eating McClark for Halloween. You think you struck the throne? You struck one of my alternates. Exactly. David Borey, time for your second pick. Man, I'm sorry. I thought that Amy was going to take this. It feels like it's really eaten right time for your second pick. Man, I'm sorry. I thought that Amy was gonna take this.

It feels like it's really eaten right off of your plate here. I gotta take Wanda Sykes. Oh! Yeah. Just so funny. Just so, so funny. In a toga and one of those golden wreaths? Yeah.

Kinda drunk. It's shocking she hasn't even played the US president in a movie. It it seems like what are people doing? That's wild She would be an emperor with like a like a pretty awesome stage outfit Like a pantsuit stage outfit. That's like wrapped up from a toga Yes, yeah, absolutely like a pantsuit that like is derived directly from a toga, but it's still like a pantsuit. It's a pantsuit giving toga. That's what we're looking for here.

And a comedic-sized goblet of wine. She's got that anyway, usually on stage. She's still wearing like white high-top sneakers, but with like gold wings on them. Not the Trump sneakers, but a good version of that. The chalice says Wanda like those old pimp cups. They're like old heavy gold wings on her shoe. Why haven't we gotten the Wanda Sykes, oh she's doing a serious role, and it's getting Oscar buzzed her?

I think she just shot it. Did she really? Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, but there was like a deadline about it, that it was like Wanda Sykes' first dramatic role. It seems like that has been, like it's right on time, right? Like it seems crazy that that hasn't happened

where people are like, you know who's fucking good? Cause we have, like, Bill Burr did it, you know? We've got Bill Burr doing dramatic roles and stuff like that. But Wanda Sykes feels like the perfect person to, it must just be because she didn't want to. Yeah, or people didn't think she could. I don't know, she is so funny that, like,

it's hard not to laugh at anything she does. I'm not thinking about her right now. Just like her saying stuff. I think it's okay if the Emperor gets a laugh. Absolutely. I think it's necessary. There's nothing funnier in the world than sitting at a blackjack table in a casino with Wanda Sykes. This is something you've done?

Like, several times. Really? That's the hardest I have ever seen anyone crush. Ever. I mean, it's... That's a show. That's a show. Not to tell tales out of school, but just your texts about going to the casino with Wanda Sykes or maybe some of the funniest, like shrieked out. So the dealer is like getting crowd work done at him.

Or her. Oh yeah, yes. And so are the rest of us. And I'm getting screamed at for hitting when I shouldn't be. She just becomes the mayor of any place she steps into. She's so kind and friendly with her time. She's just waving. People are screaming, hey, Wanda from across.

People get the joy on people's faces when they see her. She could rule any nation. You know what I mean? Again, I would follow her into hell. People just trust her. She uses it for good, but she doesn't have to. No, she doesn't have to. We're fortunate that we live in the era of a benevolent Wanda Sykes,

because it isn't always the case. She chastised me once at Ackbar after one of the shows there. And she was because it was like Christmas time and they had one of the... Somebody played a couple of George Michael songs in a row. And I was kind of like singing along, but not all the words. And she was like, if you're gonna sing it, you gotta sing it. (*both laugh*)

When Blackjack is not going well, we do sing gospel songs at the table. For good luck. To bring God to the table, to bring God to the Blackjack table not going well. We do sing gospel songs at the table. For good luck. To bring God to the table? To bring God to the Blackjack table? Yep. Open up a seat.

You, get up. We need to open up a seat for God. The Holy Spirit needs to sit at the table. Yeah, block the blessings. My only experience with Wanda Sykes is indirect, but I was at JFL 42, and they had me opening for, like they had the big stage, and they just had me doing the opening sets for all the

Big comedians there so I got to meet like all of them briefly Wanda Sykes extremely briefly, but she had the best green room food of any comedian Yep, I've ever worked with it was like a fucking Buffet they had healthy options, but they had a lot of not healthy. Yeah. Sterno's going everywhere. Like chicken wings. Always chicken, always shrimp.

Yeah, oh my God. Every stop there's shrimp. The entire, and I'm sure this is part of her thought, is that like she's not gonna eat all of that, but somebody's going to. And it usually ends up going to, yeah, yeah, like the opening comedians. Or the people just working at the theater and everything too.

Is it? Fucking delicious Canadian chicken. Little roast beef sandwich sliders. Shout out to one of the guys. It's the same as her emperor setup, really. It's not, it's really not all that different. Same setup. Time for my first pick, or second pick.

Okay. This is playing a fictional emperor from the future. A space emperor, someone in sort of a cold, Kubrickian, clean space future. And who else but Tilda Swinton could play that role? Oh yeah. Good pick. What a scary bitch.

Swept back hair. Looks like space to me. Looks like outer, she just looks like outer space. Or like some kind of post-human, like. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like later on what we're doing. Cyborg face.

Evolved down the line. She looks like what happens to a person if they enter hyperspace. Like if you told me, yeah, we can use wormholes to travel across the universe, but you come out looking a lot like Tilda Swinton. I'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that. We have come from the future.

We have a message for you. She's like top tier white lady. She's top tier, she's like, I mean, if we did a white lady draft, Tilda Swinton would also go this early. Oh yeah. That would be my first pick. I don't I guess I don't have that much else to say about her. I just think like Tilda Swinton

in some crazy like designer clothes. I mean she plays the future so great, right? She does. Like in a white suit like suit, like I'm seeing like Kristen Wiig's future character in Barb and Star. Yes, right. Exactly. Go to Vista Del Mar.

I love that fucking movie. Tilda Swinton is in a movie that nobody saw from like the post pandemic, 2021 or something called Last and First Men. She's the only actor in it and she does the voiceover narration as the voice of a future human civilization that's 200,000 years in the future communicating with us in their distant past. What? Wow.

And the message is it's all going to end, but you should be grateful, basically. But it's like the craziest movie I've ever seen. So it's Ian's pick? It's basically my pick, yeah. I want her being a space emperor, communicating back with the press. She's also very genderless. She's like, post, she's like above gender.

Yeah, she doesn't wanna get bogged down in all that mess. She's like, post, she's like above gender. Yeah, she doesn't wanna get bogged down in all that mess. That's not her business. I have evolved outside of the boundaries of your zygotes. She doesn't have genitals, it's just the Prada logo. That's just like what I assume is happening down there. Yeah. I would like, I also, if I'm making this movie happen,

and it's all fictional so I can, I would like this to be a space empire on the verge of collapse. Of course. Because you want Tilda doing that thing she did in, oh God, what's the, Michael Clayton. You want Michael Clayton, Tilda Swinton, right? Desperate behind the power.

Ruthlessly in control, seemingly, but then when the cracks start to happen, nobody loses it like Tilda Swinton either. She's fucking amazing at that. She's so good at Michael Clayton. Yeah, she gets very scary. She can get very scary. Very scary and then can fall,

falls apart beautifully too. What a fucking great actor. She is the. Tilda Swinton, James Adomian, and it's time for like falls apart beautifully too. What a fucking great actor. She is the. Tilda Swinton, James the Domey, and it's time for your second, your third picks. Elon Musk. Two and three, okay, so I'm gonna go, this one's juicy.

And I think he works in space or in the ancient times, Rome or some other, you know, imperial agglomeration. Rome or some other, you know, Imperial agglomeration. And he's getting more and more roles in movies, in television, and I think it's Mark Maron. It's Mark Maron. What? Mark Maron as the emperor of Rome or Star Wars or Dune or any of it.

Yeah, man, I don't want to be here. No one would ever want this level of power. He did. This draft is going crazy. I think it's interesting because you can see him get mean and vindictive, like, fuck that guy, fuck up his whole ship. Lock the gates. But also, but also. Who are your guys? this whole ship. Lock the gates! But also, but also, but also, but also, you know, we're wearing space robes being like, I didn't want any of this.

You forced this on me. I just shit my pants. I don't know man, my dad, I can't do a fucking Markman. I don't know man, my dad was an emperor, so I guess it was like what I was supposed to do or something like that. But I't know, man, my dad was an emperor, so I guess it was like what I was supposed to do or something like that, but. I don't know, man. I'm not happy. Am I happy?

Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Yeah, and you know, instead of the throne, he's got a stool. Yeah. That he's perched up on. Yeah, but it's gold. But it's gold. It's a gold stool.

And he has a scepter that, you know, you kind of wield like a microphone. Really, you're gonna make me do this you know I tried out for man Olympus man I went down there you know I sat in the waiting room for six hours man I sat there while Zeus you know was in his office doing whatever the fucking Zeus does in his office you know yeah why does Zeus like me man what do these cellucids want I got the fucking Celts on one side and now these fucking cellucids. Boomer lives! I would love to see Marc-

Oh, a throne room full of cats. Just cat, yeah. Lousy with cats. Has Marc Maron done, like, how far back could he play? Cause I feel like he's played, like, people from the 70s. Yep. Right? He's gone that far back could he play? Cause I feel like he's played like people from the seventies. Yep. Right, he's gone that far back. If you're doing that, why not make it the, you know,

make it the year 77 BC. I would love to see, I would love to wake up in the morning and have a New York Times push announcement telling me that Mark Maron was taking on the role of Hamlet. Ha ha ha ha. To be or not to be, man. I don't know, is it nobler to bear the uslings and arrows? I don't know, I don't know if it is, man.

I don't know if it is, I don't know what the fuck any of us are doing here. All right, before we get into monologue, a few upcoming gigs, I'll be studying in England, and then I'll be coming back to Copenhagen, and I'll be waylaid by pirates. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern featuring for me. It's all there on hampod.com.

Those guys are great, man. They're like two of my guys. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I knew Yorick. Yorick used to come into the comedy store when I was a tour guide. Yorick, big influence. Alas, man, I did know him.

I did know Yorick. We used to do Glow Together in Mitzi's office, me and Yorick. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha.

Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Yeah, this is a wonderful pic. Yeah, I'd a wonderful pick. Yeah, I'd like to see, let's get Mark Maron fucking cast in one of those movies immediately. And your third pick.

Okay, third pick. This makes me tickle, and this is an Empress pick. And I think the power, you hear the name and you're like, right, I could feel this power. Kathy Bates. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Kathy Bates as an emperor of any time, ancient or future, where she can be generous and she could be cruel.

She also seems like kind of a sex party one. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Where she brings in some strong, powerful warrior, but then she goes, strip completely naked for me. You know? Was that movie where she was the, oh man, she was like the campaign manager and she was real horny. Oh, primary colors?

Primary colors. Yeah, that energy. That energy. Yeah, but I wanted her to be, I wanted her to have full autocratic power over everything. I would like that in real life. Yeah. It's like, don't blame me,

I voted for Emperor Kathy Bates. I voted for Kathy in the gymnasium. Kathy Bates. You're saying pics. Oh, that's my bad, that's my bad. She would be great, this is like a, You're saying pics. That's my bad, that's my bad. She would be great. This is a story that has been told so many times

and it almost comes off low key offensive, but I do think it speaks to her power. Where somebody was asking Jack Nicholson, also this part of this also does feel like reputation control for Jack Nicholson, but maybe this is too many caveats before I tell the story. But he says the most turned on he's ever been by another actor is when he got into a hot tub

with Kathy Bates, who was naked in that hot tub when they did that movie together. And I can absolutely see that being the case. Yeah, it's a horny scene and her titties are floating up the top. Yeah, a tit floats up. You know I remember that point. Yeah. Confusing as remember that. Yeah. Confusing as a kid.

In that movie, his character was supposed to be like, ooh, no, but that's interesting to hear that he didn't realize he was like, yeah, yeah, give it to me. I think it's, if you're like a dude who gets everything he wants on a silver platter, like Jack Nicholson, the thing that can turn you on the most is a woman more powerful even than you are, right? Who can get everything on a gold Platter who gets everything on a gold platter

But like who comes off who like has that like sort of like energy of like I I'm not intimidated by you Jack Nicholson like that's got to be the sexiest thing in the world when you're Jack Nicholson And you could also have her cast it doesn't have to be technically an Emperor You know if you were gonna do like a Bible movie or something she could be like Queen Jezebel or something absolutely Miriam. Kathy Bates, a phenomenal pick. Kathy Bates, fuck yeah. Time for my third pick.

And I'm going to take the dog from Frasier as Nero. Oh wow. Wishbone style. What? This dog is on my list. Are you serious? Yes. Oh my God.

We need to teach the kids about every aspect of Roman history, of every aspect of world history, and that includes Nero, the murderous, cruelest emperor in the history of Rome. And I think you have all the other actors playing humans. And then you have the dog from Frasier playing sort of a wishbone character as Emperor Nero, examining the absurdity and cruelty

and sometimes the cute little belly rubs of ancient Rome. Emperor Nero examining the absurdity and cruelty and sometimes the cute little belly rubs of ancient Rome. Wow. Such sharp little teeth. He's got sharp little teeth. He uses them. Who did you have the dog from Frasier playing? I can't say.

Oh, okay, that's right, that's right. And then Rome burns to the ground and he's just rolling around eating a treat Just being silly He's got the zoomies while Rome is burning all around him He's humping some legs. Yeah. Oh, he's humping some legs. He's humping everybody's legs. They have to let him He's stealing some scraps from the table. He's doing all that. They're his scraps.

It's his table. A cute little throne. Oh my God. How sweet. He's wearing a little laurel. He's got a little robe on. He's the dog from Frasier. And his face.

Elevated on like an elevated couch that he's laid down on sideways. Yeah. The dog's name was Moose he died in 2006 so this would have to have been made uh, I think you use We shot this concurrently with gladiator We shot it at night so you would get Russell Crowe out of there and you would bring moose the dog in and we just Shot it at the same time. I like that Yeah, same wardrobe

He's been on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. He's a popular dog. David Borey, time for your third pick. Oh, come on, Nero. This is, this pick is like, I think of this guy as like a warrior king, but his, like, the empire is, it's updating,

it's switching over into modern times, and he's like the last holdover of the old ways. And I'm taking Dave Batista. Oh, that's great. But not Ozempic Batista. Has he been on Ozempic? Thick Batista. Thick Batista. Yeah, you need Thick Batista. Thicc Batista. Yeah, you need Thicc Batista.

Thicc Batista. No neck. I had a buddy who said he saw him in a Waffle House one time and it was amazing. He does look like he's from ancient times. He does. He does and he's so strong, but also wise. The shape of his head seems like whoever birthed him

died in childbirth for sure. Mm. It was not easy to bring that thing into this world. Right? No. Like that head, that didn't come out smooth. That wrinkly little head, like God is punishing him for being so big?

Seeing Batista at a Waffle House is like seeing Achilles at the temple of Apollo. Yeah, he's the most, he will never be more powerful. Right. We, we shot, I shot a sketch, I wrote a sketch that Batista was in at the Late Late Show and he's one of the most prepared actors

I've, we've ever worked with, like in my entire history on that show. And we shot sketches with the most prepared actors we've ever worked with, like in my entire history on that show. And we shot sketches with like some great actors. He came in completely off book on like one of the stupidest sketches we've ever shot. He was asking about character motivation and how one part of the script affected his performance in another part of the script.

And this was like two days before we shot it. He's like acting about that, because he wanted to be locked on the script when we were shooting. My bad. He has this crazy interiority and like sensitivity to him. It's probably, it seems like that would be really common for wrestlers.

Like you gotta be ready. You can't, I mean, there's one shot. You know what I mean? You can't like retake the match. That's a good point. Vince will hit you if you gotta be ready. You can't, I mean, there's one shot. You know what I mean? You can't like retake the match. That's a good point. Vince will hit you if you're not prepared. Vince will hit you. Ha ha!

He will. Vince will hit you right in the face. And then he'll say a word you don't want him to say. No, you won't, yeah, yeah. Then he'll have Hulk Hogan call you and say it too. He, but he was like, he has this amazing sensitivity to him that I think would be great. Like, David, the role you cast him in would be perfect where like the rest of the world is changing around him, but he's not ready to change yet.

Yeah. But he's still tough. And Rey Mysterio is his main general. Yeah, Rey Mysterio's there. Oh, I would love to see, cast almost all wrestlers in a Roman, like a Roman Empire comedy, where it's like a Roman, well there was like five different Roman civil wars.

Have a fucking Roman civil war and it's all pro wrestlers, hamming it up. Yeah, I would watch that. Why in, why in the, why? Why? Is there for some reason? Oh God. In the history of like WWE entertainment, right?

It seems like they will take one actor. It'll be like, this is the John Cena movie and everybody else in this movie is like just a regular actor, right? Or this is the, it used to be Hulk Hogan. Or this is a movie with like The Undertaker in it. Have they ever done a movie that's all of their wrestlers? Like an ensemble movie? I don't think so.

Fighting with My Family was probably the closest. Right, but like it would be great to have it be not like... like Adomian was saying. Like a period piece. I would love to see... I would love them all to be in it, yeah. That would be so much fun. Wouldn't that be fucking sick, where it's like, when is Rey Mysterio gonna show up? Aren't there several wrestlers over the top?

Yeah, but that's a good one. No, that's an arm wrestling movie. Right. Which feels adjacent. You gotta reimagine that. What about No Holds Barred? There's also several bouncers in that movie. Oh yeah.

Imagine that the ring is the entire Mediterranean Ocean. Now you're talking. Imagine that the ring is the fucking galaxy. Falls count anywhere. I love where they would say that in the old days, the wrestling announcers would be like, this match is scheduled for one fall. That's all of them.

Yeah, that's every. You wonder if it's because Vince wouldn't let them all work at one thing on one time like that. It has to be something evil. Because they have like really grueling schedules, you know? There's no not evil explanation for why they haven't done that. And there's not like wrestling season and off season.

Yeah, that's a good point, that's exactly what it is. Also, I wanna see them have fun, make meatballs with wrestlers. Oh yeah. Like a food, like a cooking channel show? No, like the Summer Camp movie. Oh! I'm an idiot. I'm history's greatest idiot.

Meatballs would be fun, too. It's all wrestlers, and they're at Summer Camp. I love that Ian Carmel pulled out a knife and a large barbecuing fork and was like, shall we slice them now? We'll make meatballs. Dave Bautista, it's an excellent pick. Amy, time for your third and your fourth picks.

Okay, my third pick for no reason at all. Governor Jesse Ventura as Julius Caesar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's juicy. The body. For no reason. Look, I came, I saw, and I conquered. Vini, Vidi, and a third party option.

I don't see why I'm limited to coming and seeing. With the bald, kind of slicked back long hair? Is that my quarter? Oh yeah. Yep, you got it. And a low wreath on both sides of his ears. I've got it. I have a long ponytail and I'm also completely bald. That's the crypt keeper look. Render unto me what's mine. Yeah. Look, render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. I've promised to retire. I'm going to be emperor for four years and then I'm going to retire. We're going to have a light rail that goes from Rome, a light rail that goes

from Rome up right up to the Alps and Milan and then back to Rome. All light rails lead to Rome. Yep, you got it. I got a message for the Celts out there. The Celts and the Cisalpine Gauls. We're coming. I've seen a storm. You think I have too much power? Let me tell you.

I've seen the Gratsi brothers in tag team combat. Ian's gone. He left. He left. He left. He left. He left. His chair rolled away.

You got it. I roll into the LA river. I roll into the LA river. I roll into the LA river. I roll into the LA river. I roll into the LA river. Oh. Oh.

Slept that. Thank you for picking, just torystal for no reason, baby. You know what, unrelated, this is a great pick. Yeah, it's just a great, wouldn't be his first acting role. Wouldn't be his first acting role. I think we all left Predator thinking, I'd like to see that guy take on

one of the more complex individuals in history. Yeah, give him something the chew on. Yeah It's an excellent pick and your fourth pick I Have two more right you have two right now. It's just for okay. Okay, that's right. Okay Okay for no reason at all Any pepito As an emperor penguin. Amazing.

That's the pick of the day. Oh, I see. I see what the fucking game is. Amy Miller. She says we're picking emperors. What's the one that has no political power? Let's get Eddie to play the emperor that actually gets hunted by orcas. Let's put Eddie in a suit, a tuxedo. All I wanted to do was serve little drinks on a fucking tray.

I wanted to waddle around a golf course, serving drinks on a train to the Marx Brothers, and now I got snapped up by an orca. Marching of penguins! Ah! They're crying. Oh, man. It gets cold down here, you know? Yeah, it gets cold down here, you know? Yeah, it gets cold down here.

I gotta hold an egg until my wife comes back. I gotta hold this egg underneath my sack before my wife comes, my wife was eaten by krill. She has a severe krill infection right on her beak. And now I got this fucking egg. What a treat. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

I'm Emperor of the Penguins! All I can do is waddle and fuck and die! You know, you're allowed to laugh. Uncross your arms. Oh, God. Oh, I see. I see. You're judging me. You're deciding whether to laugh or not. Oh my god. That might be my favorite back-to-back series of picks in the history of all fantasy. Everything. I love these left wing, these out of left field pics you've got.

And also left wing. And also left wing. Yeah. Jesse Ventura famously. Eddie Pepitone, yes. The penguin. Oh, it's a penguin that only has two left wings. There we go.

Also, Eddie should play the penguin in a Batman movie. Yeah! He should play the penguin in a Batman movie. Yeah! He should play all the animals. Ha ha ha ha ha! That's my... That's my heartache. If he did the narration for Planet Earth when Attenborough passes away, where he's like, Ha ha ha!

Look at these gerbils! They're fucked! Ha ha ha ha! They look like sandwiches! And there's hawks flying around! They're fucked. They look like sandwiches. And there's hawks flying around. And they look like meals from the lunch truck. This gerbil is fucked.

What would it take, can we get a Planet Earth stream with the audio pulled out and just have you narrate it? Sure. There's the bird that's doing the dance with the wings like that, and he's like, honey, look! Look at my fucking wings! I can make it look like a slightly scarier bird. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. David Borey, it's time for your fourth pick. It's not nearly as exciting.

I'm sorry. Bill Duke. Oh yeah! He sounds so dejected. I just wanted to hear that more of that. I love yelling. I like to hear it more. Ah! I don't know if he built...

I just built Dook with a gun. He looks good in a toga. He's always wearing koofies anyways. Yeah. Absolutely. He has the eyes of like a... A man from a different time? A man from a different time? A man from a different time, yeah.

Yeah. Like his eyes are looking at you back across 5,000 years. Yeah, he could play way back. Way, yeah, he can go way, way back. He has the opposite of the Mark Maron problem where I can't see that man in anything since the 1970s. Yeah. From before the 1970s.

Bill Duke, eternal. Bill Duke would probably, he wouldn't speak of his father in a singular term. He would be like, my father's established this throne. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. There would be a plural number of fathers that you realize, oh, fuck, he knows all of it. Right, he knows the entire history.

He's spent time in rooms full of Dusty Scrolls. I mean, I'm a sucker for Dusty Scrolls. I love a Dusty Scroll. Give me a room full of Dusty Scrolls. I like it when they sing with Buffalo Springfield. Dusty Scroll. Dusty Scroll, also a great wrestling announcer. Dusty.

I already, Pepper Tone's releasing his next special on a Dusty Scrawl. Dusty Scrawls. Read the jokes. Oh, time for my fourth pick. OK, I'm going one of the sexes I've already been. Okay, I'm going, Wanda Sykes has already been taken, so I'm going to take, I'm going another hard comedy route and I'm taking somebody who she shared a television show with for a number of years.

I'm taking Larry David as Gordian I, a man who was not made emperor until he was 79 years old when he's already at the end of his life. So I just want a Larry David as an emperor walking around realizing he's too old to do anything with being an emperor and just complaining about things around Rome. And I wanna see that movie. This sounds like a Mel Brooks movie already.

He's also on the list. I also had, since we're mentioning Mel Brooks, I had Mel Brooks playing every emperor. Right. In like a history of the world style movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it just goes from vignette to vignette of him playing different emperors. Larry, Larry, you gotta devalue the currency.

Ah, no, I don't think I'm gonna, I can't do a Larry David. I want to see him. Yeah, like senators coming up to him. He leaves the gladiator match early and it causes like a big problem, you know. He does, instead of doing a thumbs up or a thumbs down, he kind of waves it off. He goes, Richie!

Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! And the gladiator doesn't know what he's supposed to do. So then they're walking around demanding satisfaction.

They're like, why should I have to decide if the guy lives or dies? I don't care if this guy lives or dies. I don't know. I would like to just not like something and not have him killed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What if I don't like it, but I just want to see more of it? I'm just done with it. I'm just done. I don't want to see any more fights, huh? I don't want him to die. I'm just done with it. I'm just done. I don't want to see any more fights, huh? I don't want them to die. I just don't want to stand. We're done.

Can we be done? Jeff Garland still is right-hand man for some reason. Oh, absolutely. Jeff Garland? Ah, Larry, you gotta help me. That's pretty good. I share a genetic phenotype with Jeff Garland. So I should be able to do something.

Yeah. We have 99% similar DNA. James Adomian, time for your fourth and then your final pick. Okay, fourth and final. We're gonna go back to back, back to back, ladies and gentlemen. All fantasy, everything here. We've got our final, our final two pitch. This, this one, okay.

I'm going to save, it was one that has to be fifth. So I want, I want scenery chewers going into this. I want some, I want some chops though. I think one that's like age appropriate right now and really good and really good for a continuous ongoing orgy, Nathan Lane. Oh yes. Nathan Lane, the bottom at the top. He has all the power in the known world and oh yeah you don't think it's perfectly fine.

Why don't you do a little song and dance for it? I would love to, I wanna see the musical numbers. Yeah. And he plays, I think he plays like the Roman emperor at their peak, like Hadrian. Yes. Or Diocletian, one of these guys where it's the peak and after me it's downhill from here.

Right, he's got a big song about like how far the Roman Empire stretches. Right. You know, where it's like it's one of those songs, Broadway numbers, where you name all these different cities. From Spain to Syria. From the Alps to the Dumps. He'll put on plays where people die for real and he laughs. Kill him. It's not just Rome, it's also home. Yeah, and I mean he already, I feel like he's probably done 15 productions on Broadway in

togas. Oh, he's got a toga guy for sure. He's home. he's home he's home he's got the legs for it too which people are surprised by oh yeah the empire has got a split up it's tough we can't handle anymore we got to do east and west north and south for North and South, four empires. I conquered Corsica, of Corsica. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, Nathan Lane, I want the musical number.

I want it to, that's, that could play. Rome could run for a thousand years. I love it. I love Nathan Lane as an emperor. You can see it, you love Nathan Lane as an emperor. You can see it. You can see it in your head. It's, I wouldn't be surprised, Nathan Lane, toga.

Oh, for sure. I mean, how many things come up? Nothing, there's him in a, no. But I'll also say this, Google has fallen off. That's true, Google does not, Google voluntarily, like a Roman emperor, like Nero himself, Google was like, it's time for me to fall on my own sword.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The madness, the power I have, there's nothing logical to do but just destroy myself. I should be able to see, if generative AI is for anything, it should be for making a picture of Nathan Lane in a toga and showing it to me like it's already happened.

This is why I'm not as worried about AI as I should be. All right, James, tell me your final pick. My final pick is the King Kong of all scenery chewers. I think it's gotta be Willem Dafoe. Oh yeah. Willem Dafoe should have already been cast as an emperor. And I mean, you could put him in any Roman emperor. You could make him, you could make him Napoleon.

You could make him Napoleon. I got the perfect idea. We'll do it all over again in Waterloo. Flying around on his Green Goblin like scooter or whatever. But really truly I want him as a space emperor. I mean I want him as like a young sexy Palpatine or something. He is a kind of a hot alien. In the old days, in the old eight, in the eighties, Willem Dafoe was like actually masturbatable and like now when you get an old guy who was once

masturbated at, they still remembered in their heads. Yeah. Oh, you exist at your peak hotness forever, right? I mean, that's- Right, in your own head for sure. You get carbon locked there. That's why they say dudes dress like they did when they were like the most fuckable.

Right. That's why you'll see a dude like out there dressed like it's 1998 still, cause like that's when he was his hottest. And he's like, that's what worked for me. And for me- Up around sunglasses. That period of time for me

was in the several centuries you understand. I've existed for 1500 years. I think I've in this body I've lived for a thousand and a half years. I've seen planets die. I am not going anywhere. You realize that I have moons that are sexually obligated to do whatever I want to them. James your impressions are so fun that it's dangerous because they will get other people who can't do impressions, I'm talking about me now, to also try to do those impressions. Well it's fun. Because what you're doing looks like it's so, but you're, it's so much fun.

It's danger, it is dangerously infectious. The trick with Willem Dafoe is, you've always gotta be smiling because your teeth are so big, there's no other way to approach the world. It's a smile from necessity, you understand. It's a shark smile. There's no other way for him to hold his mouth that makes sense. He's a notorious smile. There's no other way for him to hold his mouth that makes sense.

He's a notorious big dong in Hollywood too. Really? Oh right, he does. Like a milking burl. He's got a known hog. Mm-hmm. Good for him. He's been a little, right? He's like milking burl.

You know there's like the long, an emperor always has, a space emperor especially, has like a long stair, like not a staircase, but the kind of platform stairs that go down in every direction. And his might be like shuffling in a place as he's walking down them too, like they slide under wherever his feet are gonna be. Yes.

Like an MC Escher painting. From above, they disappear and they reappear lower as he's walking. Yeah, they shuffle, yeah. Everywhere he goes, the stairs follow him. He's always walking up or down stairs. That's right. He has amazing calves. I am Emperor Q-Bit.

I live in a staircase among the stars. I understand you wish to rule this platform. Well, good luck getting to it. Right. David, time for your final pick. Crispin Glover. Oh, wow. Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah. So creepy. So creepy. So undead. So undead. It's just like, he's like where the debaucher is getting the best of it. That's great. You know what of it. That's great. You know what I mean?

That's great. He takes his meetings at the Bacchanal. He never raises his voice. Never raises his voice. A lot of whispering. He's gone too deep. Yeah, he's gone. He's too deep.

He's in too deep. He can't get out. He's in too deep. He drank a bunch of acid before he gave a speech to the Senate. You go in to see him and he's eating a live dove. Yeah. Yeah. But like calm. Very calm. Yeah. Slowly, like with a knife and a fork.

It's the most natural thing in the world. Yeah. Letting him be in those, letting him, casting him in those Charlie's Angels movies is one of the more interesting things, or the Charlie's Angels movie is one of the more interesting thing that's ever happened. Because that was like a big, massive blockbuster, you know, 15 years after Back to the Future, maybe 20.

And you're like, this dude? You're putting this dude in a movie with Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz? 15 years after Back to the Future, maybe 20. And you're like, this dude? You're putting this dude in a movie with Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz? What happened to visionary director Mick G? Where is that guy? That's just a straight up fan move, because by that time he also knows

Chris McGlover is difficult to work with. So you have to really want it. That's a heat check for sure. Is being like, can I still make this happen? McG is directing web series right now. Okay. A medium that's about to pop off. It's about to go.

Oh no, executive producing. Nevermind. I love executive producing a web series. I don't want to get involved in the day-to-day operation I can't be gummed up. He's Directed something called ugly's sure in This year and Family switch last year. So he's still doing projects from here and there.

Family Switch sounds like a unique idea. For sure. For sure. Family Switch. From the creative minds that argue that they also thought of wife swap. From the creative minds that brought you a date and Wait, look your cousin's different. How about that for one episode? Bam. Your cousin's different. I would even know

Family switch has a gigantic cast that includes Jennifer Garner Howie Mandel Rivers Cuomo The big three. River Cuomo. Makes cheese out of connections. Ed Helms, Jennifer, wow. Paul Scheer's in it. Okay. Then it's good.

Yeah. Helen Hong. But it's also got, oh, Pete Holmes was in it. Naomi Echparigan was in it. What? Yeah. Oh shit, I think I just shit talked my way out of being cast and.

Yes. You're so close. You could have gone on that list. You could have easily been in Family Swap 2 or Mick G's next movie. What is another extremely basic comedy concept? Oh, you could have been in Body Swap, dude. Sure, yeah. Oh, you could have been a body swap, dude. Sure, yeah.

Oh well. Oh well, well, it's just now, it's just this. Amy. Oh wait, me. Wait. Yeah. David, I skipped over you, dude. No, I just did Crispin Glover. I know, but that was your fifth pick

and I didn't do my fifth pick. Oh no. I thought you did. I'm so sorry. Well, get in there. I don't know about you, you're the one who didn't do the pick. I'll get in there right now and uh this is sort of a well not necessarily fictional. I want him being playing sort of like a uh like a Visigoth sort of emperor from back in the day like a very battle you know uh culture. And I want Shaquille O'Neal. Okay. A German Emperor.

What era? I'm talking like, playing Shaq, LSU Shaq, or like now? Me Shaq. I thought you meant which era of the world and you went which era of Shaq. No, which Shaq fits. Shadrach, me Shaq, I bet me go. I want LA Lakers.

They're all dying to fight. I'm gonna. Nice. I want, I'm gonna play myself into shape, Shaq from like the early 2000s on the Lakers. Big, just strong. Big diesel. But charming, but charming.

I think his skills, there's often, I mean I used to have a joke about what would Shaq do if it weren't for basketball, and he would have to, you know, he'd have to like, he'd be a legend, he'd have to roam the hills. But I kinda don't think that's true, because he's so charming and so self-assured that this dude would have had a career in movies for sure. I think you would have gotten there.

Yeah, or like politics or something. Or politics or something. He would be a top sales guy somewhere. Yeah, he would have sold more cars than anyone else at Baton Rouge Lexus. There was no... Baton Rouge Lexus. There's no reality where he's not a millionaire, but in this one he is playing an emperor, leading a bunch of other dudes with swords.

I have a feeling Baton Rouge Lexus has a lot of Toyotas for sale on the lot. Oh yeah, they got some stuff. You talking about Tony Delacroix? Baton Rouge Lexus? And Kia? Yeah, they got some stuff. Tony Delacroix, Baton Rouge, Lexus, and Alligator Farm. He can't get into the cars with you for the test drive.

No, he has to send you on your way. He has a proxy, sends with him. Just take it. It's a dude who kinda looks like him, but he's 5'8". Yeah, yeah. This is JoJo, my test drive guy. Hey, what's up? Kinda looks like him, but he's 5'8". Yeah, this is JoJo, this is my test drive guy. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what's up?

I don't wanna wrinkle my suit. Second, Diesel can't get in a Camry. You understand. He just follows you in like an airplane taxiing around behind the car. Yeah. Smooth ride, you're gonna buy it. Well, I'm thinking about it, you're gonna buy it. That's the tagline for the car lot.

You're gonna buy it. You're gonna buy it. Amy. Once you're there, it works, but it scares people away from getting there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a real, it's turned its clientele very selective. He sells a lot of cars,

he doesn't have a lot of repeat customers. Amy Miller, time for your final. Okay. Okay, I'm doing Martin Short as Jiminy Glick. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. In the Emperor's new clothes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. In the Emperor's new clothes. Ha are you speaking so brave? Ahhhh!

So brave. So what we're getting in this movie is naked Jiminy Glick. There you go. Don't you want to see that? This dreams of keep asking. More than anything I've ever wanted to see in my entire life. The only fat suit we support. Yeah, complete, as has 100% approval rating. Aside from the Nutty Professor.

Yeah, I was gonna say that. No, the guy with the window. The Nutty Professor, Jiminy Glick, and occasionally Sarah Paulson. And outside of that, those are the big three. Look out the window and I noticed the burning of Roe. Good excuse to pull out the prophecy, the prophetic books. Why are they sacking all of the candelabras?

I wanted to keep some of those for myself. Um, a phenomenal pick. Oh, you say you pillage the palace or pillage me first? An amazing topic, suggested by Amy Miller originally. Oh yeah, I love it. I'm gonna go with Forrest Whitaker in like a Game of Thrones style fantasy universe, like an emperor of like a like a area of fictional Europe slash Africa. Yes. Like a last king of Scotland kind of feel. Yeah, yeah, like an aging, aging emperor.

There's a couple of Roman emperors that were from Africa. And I think you can, I think pharaohs probably fit into this category of emperor as well. Yeah, absolutely. If it was a pharaoh, I would go with like a, like a Steph Curry type. I would like to see Steph Curry as a pharaoh. Absolutely. If it was a Pharaoh, I would go with like a, like a Steph Curry type. I would like to see Steph Curry as a Pharaoh. What?

I don't know why. Like a sexy Pharaoh. Steph, Steph Curry? Yeah, Steph and Curry. Wardell Steph and Curry the third. You just threw, you just threw two fucking. I would rather Dell Curry. Dell Curry?

Dell Curry as a Pharaoh? Yeah, I like that better. You just threw two curve balls down the plate. One is that you'd like to see Steph Curry playing a Pharaoh Yeah, the second is that you said you'd like to see Steph Curry playing a sexy Pharaoh sexy Pharaoh You it's sexy man. Very sexy, man Okay, Amy's bias cuz she's from the Bay Area for her community. Yes Amy's biased because she's from the Bay Area. He did a lot for her community. Yes.

And Isaac is just a crazy person. My community. Every woman I've ever talked to has found Stephen Curry very sexy. What? And also some of the boys. And also some of the boys. Really? Oh, yeah.

Wow. This is a change, right? Steph Curry is sexy. Steph Curry? Yeah. He's getting sexier by the day because he used to seems too young, like a young boy. Too baby faced, but now he's aging into it. Yeah.

No, yeah, now he's entering his ready for James phase. Yeah, see him, I'm out guard. He doesn't, he's about to see it. The light is about to dawn over the mountain. Learn something new every day. This is really throwing me for a loop. I'm gonna need the rest of the day to recover from this. I'm in touch with the female gaze

as well as the gaze gaze. I guess you are. Listen, I'm not the kind of person who's like, I would never find a man attractive or anything like that. I just never would have thought. Oh quite the opposite. I find, Jeremy Grant I find to be a very sexy man for example if we want to stay in the NBA, but Isaac now that you mentioned Steph Curry I realized that I shit the bed that I didn't think of this earlier Tim Curry obviously as the

Yeah, yeah, yeah the Emperor of power is total I have total power. To recap the draft, James Adomian, you went first and you took Elon Musk, Mark Maron, Kathy Bates, Nathan Lane, and Willem Dafoe. Yes. That's a party I wanna go to. That's a party.

I went second, I took a baby as Genghis Khan, Tilda Swinton as a space emperor, the dog from Frasier as Nero, Larry David as Gordian I, and Shaquille O'Neal as a lightly fictionalized Visigoth Emperor Warlord. Also a party I'm into. Hell yeah. David, you went third.

You took Charles Melton, Wanda Sykes, Dave Bautista, Bill Duke, and Crispin Hellion Glover. Amy, you went last. Maybe not a party I wanna go to. Maybe not. Sykes is there though, and Bautista and Bill Duke, you'd have a good time.

There'd be two tables. Yeah, for sure. I'm staying out of the Glover section. Amy, you took Michael Chickless, Edie McClurg, Governor Jesse Ventura, Eddie Pepitone as an emperor penguin, and Martin Short as Jiminy Glick in the emperor's new clothes. This is an amazing graph. For no reason at all.

For no reason. All tied together with Isaac's sexy Steph Curry pic. And let these empires clash, I think. Absolutely. Oh yeah. Let's all go to war. Give me this civilization seven and I want these to be all the civilizations I can play. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter, all fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon where you can get bonus episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, all of that stuff. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos.

Shout out to Amy Miller and James Adomian, our wonderful guests. Go to amymiller.com. Is that right? Amy Miller comedy dot com. God damn it, I'm so sorry. AmyMillerComedy.com for further dates. Go to James Adomian, your new special is called? Path of Most Resistance, it's streaming on YouTube. It's from 800 Pound Gorilla, you can see it on their website and the info's on jamesadomian.com too. Path of Most Resistance, my stand-up comedy debut special. Go check it out.

Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity. That was a headgum podcast.