All Fantasy Everything - Ad Jingles (w/ Jamel Johnson, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: March 12, 2020

The Good Vibes Gang was honored this week as Jamel Johnson stopped by the fortress of solid dudes to draft "Ad Jingles!" We got some sleepers and some bangers in there. Plus, Sean starts planning his wedding and shares some stories from his ghetto school.Texas! All Fantasy Everything is coming to you live April 9-11 in Dallas, Houston and Austin. Get tickets at headgum.com/live.Episode Guest:Jamel Johnson @NonProfitComic IG: @broccolihouseSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch:T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that's thinking about getting some wings later. I mean, I think it's more than that. It's on the counter. The coffee cake is on the counter in those bags. There's like a tore half of it. It's the podcast that got some stuff. Oh, coffee bean and tea leaf.

Lemon coffee cake. David Boyd's brother has been here for the last three episodes. Oh, coffee bean and tea leaf. Lemon coffee cake. David Boyd's brother has been here for the last three episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been chilling. New member of the Good Vibes gang. Yep. My team. Yep.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Got that brand new drug rug on. That's right. I fucking rocked one of those in San Francisco for a weekend. It was fun, man. Oh, just recently? No, no, no, no.

Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. All right. Early 20s. Okay. Mid 20s. Yeah, Smith and I. Yeah, he's 18. That's when we got here. Smith and I got our, we called them rags and we. No, no, no, no. All right. Early 20s. Okay. Mid 20s. Yeah, he's 18. That's when we got him.

We called him Rags, and we called him Drug Rugs, and Rugs. Rugs. Yeah, Ponchos. Ponchos. I mean, that's what it is, a poncho, right? It's a poncho, my friends. Yeah, poncho. If you do the math, if you crunch the numbers.

Yeah, I'll crunch them. It boils down to. I'll crunch them. I'll smush them. Poncho. I'll smash them. You smash them? I'll smash them.

Smash the numbers? Smush, bro. Smushroom, bro. That's where I do math. Smushroom? I was on Jersey Shore. They had the smushroom. Oh, That's where I do math. Smushroom? I was on Jersey Shore. They had the smushroom. Oh, that's where they had sex.

Where they all went and had sex. Yeah, yeah. They were having sex. What a gross thing to be like, this is the room where we all have sex sometimes. Yeah, but you didn't have rooms like that. I mean, my bedroom. The first couple apartments you had,

you didn't have a smushroom type of thing? It was a room. You had your room. But like, if you're having a party, kind of like everybody's... I didn't smush at Chris's room. I wasn't a big smush at the party kind of thing. Is this a Sylvan House thing you're talking about?

No, it was before that. Really? Surprised any of you guys made it out of that place, honestly. I don't think you know where I came from before that. I wasn't really... I'm just now getting into my uh uh you know like i i wasn't fucking at parties i guess what i'm saying and now that i'm having sex more often i still would not fucking a party i don't think no i party a party party at a party i would leave what is party i quip what if what if you were at a hotel party and one of the rooms was

for sex no i don't know i'm not married so this is all moot but it's all a good point for me as well yeah no uh no ring on this finger so uh i will be married though yeah marry this queen mary derrison a berry berry mary derrison have a have a flirtation i'm gonna be officiating dude i know i'm gonna do a set first i'm gonna be i'm gonna have some fish scale it's funny how much A Barry, Barry, Mary, Derrison, Hebe, Hebe flirtation. I'm going to be officiating, dude. I know. I'm going to do a set first. I'm going to be balling. I'm going to have some fish scale. It's funny how much it's come up where numerous times she's like, it's not going to be like,

no one's going to like do stand up, are they? And I go, I'll talk to a couple people about what they can't do. Nobody's going to do stand up. Who does she think we are? Well, not you. Yeah, I'm not a monster. No, not. Who else?

Well, certainly not me, obviously. No, no. But like who's invited to the wedding? Tell her I'm going to be frying so hard on mushrooms, I won't remember my bitch. She doesn't think real stand-up, but like do like bits and stuff. Like you've seen people work shit in. Like to weddings and stuff.

And it happens. You can't. The skateboard kids don't get to talk. Okay. I don't think any. Don't talk to anyone about this. Let people kids don't get to talk. I don't think any... Don't talk to anyone about this. Let people do what they want to do. Yeah, it's going to be... Man, that

cookie's going to crumble how it crumbles. If somebody wants to get up there and run a five and I am thinking about Shane Torres right now, you got to let it happen. You got to let Shane do his thing. Type five. We're working on Shane do his thing. Type five. We're working on some of the plans. It's sick. It's going to be

fun. It's going to be the right amount of funny. Nacho bar? Nacho cheese bar? I don't want to drop any of that yet. I'll be bringing a nacho bar. Okay, yeah. I was going to bring my own chocolate fountain from home. I'm bringing a gift to the wedding. Yeah. You just got like a little hibachi sized chocolate fountain that you just got plugged in next gift to the wedding. Yeah. You just got like a little hibachi-sized chocolate fountain

that you just got plugged in next to your table only? Yeah. That's something I didn't think about. I brought like a Weber. We're making grilled cheese in the parking lot. We get to register. I didn't even think about that. Yeah.

Didn't even cross my mind. Where are you guys going to register? David Buster's? I'm going to register at whatever local skate shop. Pharmacy. We're going to house pharmacy. Fire in the mountain. We're registered at the Sports Authority.

Lids, I got a heavy registry at Lids. I didn't need to pick anything because you can't make a wrong choice for me in Lids. I don't care what you ask for, you're getting a remote control mini blimp for your wedding. It's for both of you. God, that'd be terrible.

Well, now I got to get married. Yeah. Can it say more Sean's than Laura's on it, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 51-49. 51-49 wedding blimp. Yeah, boy. Yeah, it's that kind of podcast.

It's a blimp-based podcast for the most part. It's what? A blimp-based podcast. Blimp-based podcast. Blimp-based podcast. Blimp-based podcast. Blimp-based podcast. Good.

Good at it, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be on TV. She'd definitely write for it. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I You should definitely write for it. I'll think about writing for it. You can talk anytime you want to. Oh, man. No, I don't want to.

No, no, no. Y'all got to work this out. Go ahead and work this out. You know what's funny is there's going to be more Carmels at my wedding than Jordans by far. There's going to be more Carmels at my wedding than Jordans by far. Really? Yeah, there's going to be like five times more Carmels. That makes sense.

Sean, your family's pretty thugged out. I don't know if you want them all there. That's what I'm saying. And we're Portland royalty. You know felons aren't supposed to hang with each other. Yeah, technically it's a gang. That's the thing. That's the court said that. Nobody in my family is felonious.

I don't think. I don't think so. My uncle Pat told me a story. He got two D doubles in a day. It was like a small town. He got pulled over, got a D double and it was like a small town. The cop's like, go home.

And then so he sent him home. And then later that night, he went back to the bar, drove home again and the same cop pulled him over. He's like, I can't not give you another DUI. I have to give it to you. Dude, did you say he took him straight to jail?

Yeah. Well, this is back in the day, dude. You didn't go to jail back. I mean, this is like 40 years ago. Oh, this is in the 70s. When he was like 20. I don't even think he was old enough to drink yet. He told me a story.

Dude, he starts telling me these stories later in life. I guess he owed some guy money. So this dude shows up at the bar and puts a gun on the bar, something like that. And my uncle's like, I mean, if you're going to shoot me, I guess you're going to have to shoot me because I'm just going to be here for a while. Straight up called the guy and the guy didn't do anything. Obviously, he didn't shoot him in the bar. He laid it on the bar.

He can't even use it like that. That's a crazy way to use your gun. When you lay it on the bar. I could pick it up off the bar. Yeah. Now who owes who money? He just grabs it. What are you doing?

Thanks for the gun. Now you definitely. I see a free gun. I'll go sell this. I owe you the money and the gun, I guess. Yeah, dude. Uncle Pat.

Where did he grow up? Kadoka, I think. Is that in South Dakota? Near Sioux Falls? It's on the west side of the state. It's up by Rapid. Because all these stories... Rapid is a fucking ghetto. Sound like the type of story... Oh, so Rapid is a white ghetto.

But Sioux Falls is not. Sioux Falls is perfect. Okay. I don't know how else to get through your head Sioux Falls is perfect. Okay. I don't know how else to get through your head that you were an at-risk youth. You're why they made the boys and girls corner. For sure. That was where I started Taekwondo.

Yeah, of course. Taekwondo. Yeah, that's where you, the first place that you learned to manage your anger with your fists. You met a Sioux Falls Sky Force member. Yeah. Before you were fucking rabid on the streets

and they were like, no, come inside. I'll teach you how to kick. You were out there cripping. I was like, no, I don't like kicking. We don't need you cripping. Come inside. I do.

I don't do karate kicks. I do karate crips. Oh my God. Karate is spelled with two C's at the beginning of it. In an all blue sous-fond shirt. Damn right. Blue socks on last night.

I can't believe you didn't quit Taekwondo once you got your blue belt. I thought you would have been out after that. That would have been the last straw. So this is the red belt qualification. You just lit it on fire. I'll be skipping the red belt, Doug. Jamel Johnson!

What's good, folks? In the house. Good to see you. At Nonprofit on Twitter. At Nonprofit Comic on Twitter. Yang. At Nonprofit. Oh, wait.

What is it again? At Broccoli House on Instagram. Broccoli House on Instagram. I knew it was fucking funny. So many things going on right now. Just a thousand million. Listen to the Air Buds podcast. We are in the thick of the NFL.

Or the NBA season. Yeah, come on, man. Yeah, shout out to Podstar Weekend. Podstar Weekend. That was a great time, man. How did that go? What a great idea. It was so much fun. It went well. We got through it. For those of you who don't know, it was the Thursday night before All-Star Weekend. What happened?

Podstar Weekend. We had a basketball podcast All-Star event. Oh, sick. at the virgil really and it went well hell yeah a pod a podcast dunk contest is essentially what we uh put on and it was pretty good y'all should have been there honestly but the plan is i was there it was in there i was in that i was in massacres in chicago you were at the actual All-Star game. We made it clear. This is like the D2 division that we was at. But like next year,

dog, we all got to go to Salt Lake City and we got to do it, son. And we got to make... Indiana next year, then Salt Lake. Oh, it's Indiana next year? It's Indiana.

Yes. It's in Gary? Indiana? It's in Gary, Indiana. Everyone's going to get hurt. There's no way it's in Gary. Just help us pull this off so we can all smoke weed with Steven Jackson and Matt Barnes. Yeah, it's Captain Jack.

Yeah. Oh, man. I would love to smoke weed with Matt Barnes. I feel like Podstock weekend could happen. Let them know. Steven Jackson, if you're listening, I will roll weed for you. He is listening. I can't roll backwards.

I'll be honest. Me either. Anything else is within reason. Yeah, I can't. I can't roll. Backwards is like is within reason. Yeah, I can't roll. Backwoods is like advanced classes. I also can't roll Fanta Leaf. Yeah, I never even tried, man. Just give me a fucking Dutch and clear the lane.

I'm from the West Coast, so I love a Swisher. I know. But that's the regional thing. I still got to make that map. Did I ever tell you about that? The blunt map? Yeah. Of the United States?

The United States regional blunt map. Yeah, you should do that. Where's South Dakota going to fall? Y'all are smoking fucking white paint. Is it just going to be a big meth pipe? Yeah. It's just going to be a white bowl. It's just going to be tinfoil.

It's going to be a glass and it's meth. I'll be sure to put that on the map. You did this. Yeah. Stamp it. Somebody mark it. Swishers are like the only one I've ever even heard about. I mean, because that is, once you pass the Mississippi, it's all Swishers, I feel like.

Once you pass the Mississippi. Yeah. Well, because they don't even sell Optimos. Yeah, I know. That's what that is. In Pastor Troy. No, I'm talking about Biggie. Smoking Lime.

Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Smoking Lime. Sm about Biggie. Smoking Lime, Optimus. Money Hose and Clothes. I didn't know that. You know that one? That's a great line. Dutch Masters is another one that they sell, right? That's what Dutch is. I don't like Dutch's because they have two papers.

You got to take out the third. They used to have a third one. Yeah, that's why I don't like the Dutch's. You got to pull it off. Swisher is quick to the point. Crack Yeah, that's why I don't fuck with duchess. You had to pull it off. Swisher is just, it's quick to the point. Crack it, slurp it, dump it. You know what I'm talking about? It is.

Yeah, I've seen kids. Break it. Scrape it. It's definitely how blunts should be. Although you were talking about Philly, I feel like. That's how I learned how to roll a blunt. Because I watched that movie and I was like, oh. And then we rolled blunts for like a year after that.

It's insane. Rolled blunts trying to get a taught kids how to do drugs the right way also your fucking album just came out all that it's available on every fucking platform

I'll just say the jokes to you if you come to the Hollywood Vons after 7pm that's one of the platforms. I'll just tell you about Spotify, iTunes, Vons. Yeah. Hollywood Vons. Hollywood Vons specifically. Yeah.

It's called I Think It's Good. It's out about 20 minutes. You're one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life. Come on, guys. You better stop and say it again. Say it louder. Seriously, you're one of the funniest people I've ever met in my whole life. Thank you, Sean Jordan.

Yeah, you're welcome, man. Appreciate you, man. God damn. Go out and support it. Pick it up. Pay money for it. It's hard doing comedy. Pay a little money.

Steal it if necessary. Or steal it. But, you know, if you can. Spread the word. I'm just saying, if you've got a couple extra shekels jingling around in your pocket this Drop it off. We're trying to get the Google Play numbers. We're trying to get the...

Yeah, we got those Google Play numbers up. We're trying to get our real player numbers through the roof. Get your real player numbers up. I'm trying to get my real... I'm trying to get my Winamp numbers. We're trying to get the real player numbers through the roof. Get your real player numbers up. I'm trying to get my Winamp numbers. That's how you're going to deal. It really whips the llama's ass. 82,000 streams on Winamp. We're trying to get

those Napster numbers up too. We got to get those up. Oh yeah. I'm talking about my mark. Bear share while we're at it. Winamax. Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. LimeWire. Bear Share, Wobble At It. Winamax. Oh, you don't even know about Winamax. Yeah.

Yeah, that was a good one. Y'all have to get to the point where you're just downloading speeches and stuff on that. I was downloading songs that I knew were songs. It would be like, Crosby, Stills, and Nash, Lil Wayne, Drag On. I'd be like, wellby, Stills, and Nash, Lil Wayne, Drag On. Well, maybe it was through

some label shit. I tried to download it. You know what I mean? Maybe they're all on to fundraise it for the Silverlight Music Conservatory. It never was, though. It was the best when you'd get the song and it was clearly not the person who they

said was singing. Like Kenny Loggins singing Imagine or something. It sounds a lot like John Lennon, but it says it's Kenny Loggins. I respect Soulja Boy so much because I downloaded so many songs that weren't cranked out. I downloaded so many songs, and it would be like, you, and I'd be like, fuck you, man. We were the last house on the block to get broadband yeah and i remember trying to download killing them softly for like

a week oh yeah just the audio and it took a week yeah and i had to start over again i'm leaving it's 78 i'm going to school when i get back yeah and then you get back and it's like fatal error you're like no i had to do it i had to do it overnight And then you get back and it's like Fatal Era. You're like, no. I had to do it. I had to do it overnight. Oh, yeah. So I would do it and then like wake up and before school be like, all right. Cool. I'm going to go get hyped.

I got all the freestyle Fridays of gin. Yeah. Oh, they were good back in the day. Yeah, gin was great. I had a point on App Store where I was, Dan Lillard. I was like the 200 greatest speeches of all time. Absolutely. Fuck it.

where I was, Dan, I was like the 200 greatest speeches of all time? Absolutely. Fuck it. I had like the MP3 of like the Any Given Sunday Al Pacino speech and stuff like that. Oh, you go to the car. I used to get on, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that inch. You live and die with that inch.

Like that. I was like, fuck it. I was early on Fruity Loops and stuff like that. I would make like little beats and stuff like that. With the Al Pacino speech from any given Sunday? And then I would cut like little speeches into it because I had to be three files. Oh, you thought you were Alchemist. I did.

I did. Okay. And I would like walk through Westview High School like listening to my own little like. Yeah. That's pretty hard. Yeah. That's tough.

That's really good. That is tight. It was pretty cool. Yeah. Do you remember, we couldn't listen to music when I was in school. So like in detention and stuff, I would have to like, or study hall, you know, I wasn't always in cool. Yeah. Do you remember? I couldn't, we couldn't listen to music when I was in school. So like in detention and stuff, I would have to like,

or study hall to, you know, I wasn't always in detention, but like you'd, you'd have to like sneak your headphones up through your hoodie and like late lean on them like that. You wouldn't let you listen to music. No, we couldn't have headphones or anything in the hallway.

None of that shit. Can kids now, can you listen to music in school when you're like, if you're walking around? Yeah. All right. Yeah? Alright. In class too? Damn, school would have been so much to anchor if I could listen to

Tupac instead. I got like a heads down writing situation. Yeah. But that is Beaverton, Oregon for you. Yeah, it's not. Sean went to the high school from Dangerous Minds. Here you go. Here's another one. Dangerous White Minds. We had to have clear or mesh

backpacks or no backpack. What? Yeah, we couldn't go to our lockers in between classes. So you had to have all your books before lunch. You could go to your locker once at lunch and that was it for the whole day. You couldn't stop. That definitely sounds like they implement that because your school

is so safe. Sounds like maybe something happened and then another couple things happened. Yeah. Guns. Yeah. Oh, there were guns at your school? The only other Carmel I've ever met in my whole life, I won't say his name, but his last name was Carmel, but it was with a C.

His name was Carmel. So this dude, we came outside of middle school and this dude was going to fight and he's serious. He pulled a gun out and he's like, hold me down. He gave it to this dude and then just beat this kid's ass i'm feeding you now now i'm doing it it doesn't matter even if you it doesn't matter like you understand you feed me enough i'll get full you understand what i'm saying you see what i'm saying like after a while it's just you have told 50 stories that draw the picture of you being from

a white ghetto you just told a story about in middle school a kid gave another kid his gun to hold while he beat the shit out of another kid yeah I have no stories like that that's what I'm saying my middle school was not like my middle school was in kind of a like lower middle

class area which is what it was like. Yeah. And like the craziest thing that happened is somebody brought a mini baseball bat with the intention of hitting someone with it. And they did. Yo, everybody was outside. My man pulled the heater, said, hold this. Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah.

Did Carmel hold or did Carmel give? Carmel held. He's man. You hear this guy? This guy, you had to like, it was, man. This is seventh grade? Gosh, yeah, because I didn't skate yet. So it was six or seven.

He thinks he covers it up with that shit. He's like, well, I remember kids giving guns to g whiz seventh grade it was still 13 year olds look on your face jim out when you go gosh huh man gosh i almost got hit with the blicky huh yo with the blicky my dad thinks he took the grizzy off oh my, my God. That's from your hometown. He always calls you like a Lake Wobegon Midwesterner. Little Dazeem, though. So awesome. He had the thing on him.

This kid. So the kid that was strapped, I guess. When he was the new kid in school. You don't catch. You know that kid had a gun. We absolutely are aware. I think I was in sixth grade because I still thought I was in a gang. No, way more important.

Way more important. He was in sixth. So Sean saw this, but thought I was in a gang. No, way more important. Way more important. He was in sixth. So Sean saw this, but he was like, I'm repping for the set. I also got my shit. In case some shit jumps off. You have a gun? But this kid. Yeah, that would be crazy for you to have a gun in this environment

that you describe lots of children having guns in. No, not lots. It happened, but not lots. Anyway, this kid, when he came to school, when he came to school when he came to school we did i remember we were like actively i was always on the cusp of this stuff because i'm not i've never been that person like a bully or anything but i did want those kids to think i was cool so like i would be around and they would all like kind of bully this kid and

individually he beat the shit out of everyone except for me and i don't know how i missed it but i remember this what this one kid because he'd catch everyone by themselves because we're a sweetheart he'd catch him by themselves yeah he wasn't built for this life yeah so this kid wasn't supposed to be all hard i remember this new kid came found him by himself just decked him once and then this kid starts bawling and he ran to the office and he had a big fat black eye for like a week yeah we're just like okay so that's what happens when you're by yourself with him so yeah maybe we're not actually tough maybe he's tough and then yeah he beat everyone's ass and then to continue the trend he went and got a gun in seventh grade i think he probably had it already yeah i'm gonna give him had it i'm gonna say he didn't just get it that day god Gosh. He had been ready for war.

I was not expecting gosh from you. Gosh. He tries to cover it up with that shit. The guns in middle school story. You put a pig in a dress, it's still a pig. Gosh. Just to reiterate, the album is called I Think It's Good. You can get it anywhere.

Listen to the Air Buds podcast. Gotta try to get Podstar Weekend at the fucking Indiana. We're in there. Let's go. Yeah, you gotta do that. Salt Lake City's a shoo-in. That's not even that far. I bet if you look into... What else do they even have going on? Nothing. Yeah, I bet if you look into rates now, you could lock down like a Super 8.

Oh, and then just be... And then just be... Trapped out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, as someone who's throwing multiple Super eight hotel parties they'll let you get a wing oh yeah you just tell me they're stoked me and sam t used to do it just tell me your high school reunion they'll let you get a whole wing of the super eight yeah we just want five like conference rooms yeah i'm not super eight yeah super that's yeah that's like a roof red roof in that's or like that's like a Hojo's.

You gotta go to a Hojo's for a conference room. This might be conference room level. I'll tell you what you do is we get all hooked up with one of these big companies. You make it an activation. You do it in their space. What do you mean an activation? I don't even know. I know what he's talking about. All these words I've never heard of.

This is Potstar Weekend brought to you by Simply Lemonade and them. Yes, exactly. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Yeah. Oh, you could do that. They've been on the internet for long enough.

And I love lemonade. Look, I know one of y'all listening. Please. Oh, my God. There's a Simply Lemonade in the fridge right now, and that's no accident. Yeah. It's delicious. You know, they still make Snapple, by the way.

Yeah. Yeah, they're still making it. Yeah. It's in plastic now. It's not the titan of the beverage industry it once was. No, but it's in plastic. I didn't know. Did you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're still making it. It's in plastic now. It's not the titan of the beverage industry it once was. No, but it's in plastic. I didn't know that. Yeah, they're doing some different shit. It's like, remember when Gatorade went from glass to plastic?

I do, yeah. I imagine because kids were getting cracked in the head with bottles. Oh, that was the perfect size to bust on somebody. Yeah, yeah. Those old glass Gatorades? Old English recently made the change as well. Now they're plastic. I hate plastic porties.

I don't think I'm going to be more plastic. I hate plastic porties. Poor shit. I don't think alcohol should be plastic. Mickey's did it too. It's such. It feels weird. Because it marinates. The plastic gets in there. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. You taste a little bit of it. Yeah, gross. David Boy also here for gosh sake. For God's sake. The G is silent on Twitter. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. David Boy. Where can people come see you?

Come see me. Oh, Jabal King. People, sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Any dates coming up you want to plug? Come see me. Oh, Jamel, can people sign up? Any dates coming up you want to plug? No. There it is. David, where can people come see you? AFV Tour, of course. South by Southwest.

March 13th through 18th. I also will be at Rooster Teeth Feathers in Sunnyvale, California. Sure. April 16th through 19th. Five shows. Come fuck with

Cherboy. Yes. Cherboygan, dude. Cherboygan. Cherboygan. Every time you cough, it looks like you're dabbing a little bit. I know. It's a better dab. The mechanics are there. Yeah. Oh.

Oy, oy, oy, yeah, yeah. John is going on the podcast in sunny Los Angeles where there was a killer bee attack today. Yeah, did you see that? In Pasadena. Wu-Tang played a show outside. They're back. In Pasadena, there was a fucking killer bee attack.

40,000 bees. They're back? Yeah.adena, there was a fucking killer bees. They're back. Yeah. Oh, I got to make some big 40,000 bees were like a 40,000 miles that way.

I got it. I got to move some shit around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shouldn't be in Pasadena at a time like this.

Sean Jordan, Sean Jordan on Twitter, Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on the gram, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter, even though it's Sean Patrick,

even though in real life, life, an occasional reminder, in case anyone can't see your Boston Celtics shorts, but maybe for a second you're not Irish. Even though you're having a vodka drink? We're out of the cider drinks and the whiskey drinks. I was like, what is this little curveball you're throwing today? Yeah, I'm rushing today. What do you got coming up?

April 25th, I'll be doing the Grawlix show in Denver, which again, I believe is at the Bug Theater. And come to that. It's fantastic. They put on an amazing show. I love them boys. They're super dope. They're the ones behind the High Plains Comedy Festival.

So yeah, I'll be there April 25th. And that's pretty much it. I don't think I have any other dates or anything. Beautiful. Did tour, obviously. We'll talk about that. I'll talk about that. And yeah, come to Faded every Friday. it. I don't think I have any other dates or anything. Did tour. Obviously we'll talk about that. I'll talk about that. Yeah. Come to

Faded every Friday. I have an album on a special thing records called The Buck Starts Here. You remember? If you got a couple bucks, go purchase that. You can also order a flask to go with the album, which is fun. It's got The Buck Starts Here engraved on it. Good time. Beautiful. Yeah. I did

remember. Dude, you should have heard me pitch and merch in Madison. Oh, boy. I forgot almost every show to do it. And then the one time I did it, I was like, hey, I have stuff to sell. Tip first. I'd like you to buy future tickets to this club first. I was like, if you have any money after that, and I know you already paid for tickets, you bought drinks, so you don't have to do this, but I am selling stuff.

And I was like, what a bad pitch that is. Yeah, spend all your money. And then if you have some more money, give it to me. Shout out to everybody that came to those shows and purchased some merch. That was fun. Hell yeah. I had a good time. Beautiful.

Yeah. Come fuck with all that. My name is Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. Uh that my name is Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram at Ian Carmel on Jewish Travago check it out I'm on there verified

direct flights to Israel from Portland direct flights all the way from anywhere you want to be I couldn't tell you what Travago does I hate the word Travago Tra. I hate the word Trivago. Trivago. I know that. The AM,

we are going on a mini Texas tour in April. The 9th, 10th, and 11th of April. The 9th, we will be the Sons of Herman Hall in Dallas, Texas. Troy Aikman,

you're on the list. You know what I mean? Dirk Nowitzki, you're on the list. Yeah, Jason Kidd. Jason Kidd is on the... Not around anymore. Jason Kidd's not on the list. the list. Jason Kidd. Jason Kidd is not around anymore. Jason Kidd's not on the list.

Big tuck. Jason Kidd's got to buy a ticket. Fucking Larry Johnson. Who's that? No, Larry Allen. Larry Allen, you are on the list. You got two seats waiting for you. Mark Cuban, you are on the list.

Yeah, Mark Cuban, you can come in. Beyonce's father. Yes. Wait, is that Houston? That's Houston. Yeah, that was Houston. But if you want to go, hey, Matthew, come on down. Kelly Rowland's Houston? That's Houston. Yeah, that was Houston. But if you want to... Matthew knows who can come.

Hey, Matthew, come on down. Kelly Rowland's on the list. Yeah. She's on every list. The day after that, we will be in Houston. So, Matthew knows if you don't want to make the drive, you're on that list, too. We will be at the Secret Group on the 10th of April in Houston, Texas. And on the 11th of April, we will be at the Parish in Austin, Texas.

Sure will be. Are those tickets going fast? Daniel Johnstone's Ghost, you are on the list. Those April, we will be at the Parish in Austin, Texas. Sure will be. Are those tickets going fast? Daniel Johnstone's Ghost, you are on the list. Those tickets are going very fast. Yeah. Vince Young, you're on the list. Vince Young is on every list. Vince Young, if you ever want to just come hang out.

We should go to his steakhouse. I'd be into that. Because it's in Austin, right? Yeah. Let's go to Vince Young's steakhouse. Dude, I'd be stoked. Hook them horns. I've told this before.

I don't know if I've told you, Jamel. Every time that my friend Frat goes to an Elway's in Denver, he always asks if Mr. Elway's in the building. Does he ask the person up front or does he ask the waiter? He asks the person up front. He'll be like, excuse me, is Mr. Elway in the building? Elway's is nice, too. Just between two aficionados of delicious food,

is Mr. Elway in the building? If he is Is either Ruth or Chris here? Excuse me, is Mr. or Mrs. Outback here? I'd like to speak to Angus Me and Black had a fall If you're a fan of

five year old comedy albums, 9.2 on Pitchfork available now. There it is staring me right in the face over here I know, isn't that funny? You're're like why not do another one i guess wow i don't do comedy anymore dude i do art oh oh damn art i feel that yeah you gotta get me right you hit me right on the button with that one you know i've been in that art game for 10 years y'all uh great so i mean we you know not only here to talk about how I'm in the arcane for 10 years but also to draft

commercial jingles yes all fantasy everything commercial jingles I got a list I got a list this is one of those this is one of those like scarcity of resources

I'm like gosh I don't know I'm gonna have to dig in the crates a little bit. Whoever gets first pick is really at an advantage. You think there's like a clear first pick? I think it's a Michael Jordan in this draft, even though he won third. Do you really? I have one as a LeBron in this draft.

I've got some things under my head. Let's just get to it, man. The way to determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. What are you going to shoot up? Yeah. Wow, hostility. See, I'll get him.

I'll get him. This is what happens when it's fucking. I'll poke him. Being a champion is about sustained excellence over a period of time. The man has an office he had on. There will often be rises and falls, flashes in the pan.

If you will, anybody can have a one, two game streak. I think my numbers speak for themselves. Sure, sure. They really do. It's a tale of dominance. I'm the Spurs, baby. UCLA in the 70s. We throw on shoot.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. And he wins again. I won last time, though. Like I told you, it's just about its numbers. It's just consistency. I came out and I executed. I did like I told you it's just about it's numbers it's just consistency I came out and I executed I did what I want to do so I'm just looking forward to the rest of the season

whatever I'm not sponsored by Gatorade get this fuck out of here and in one of the traditions I'm the commissioner what happened? did you see that the other day with Kawhi like when he walked up to

do the post-game interview, he was like, we're not sponsored by Gatorade. Get this out of here. Really? Yeah, that's hilarious. Put the Gatorade down immediately before his ass hit the seat. Yeah. The bottle of Gatorade was on the ground.

And he said that. He was like, we're not sponsored by Gatorade. God, that's cool. Yeah, that guy's great. David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors It is coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft Before you do that, I will remind you It is a serpentine draft

And what is that? Great question Let's say that you're at Subway You get a sandwich And you get your meat, you get your cheese A sandwich? Yeah, you get a sandwich You get a sandwich

Sandwash Get your meat, you get your cheese You get your veggies And, you get a sandwich. You get a sandwich. Get your meat, get your cheese, get your veggies, and then you get your sauce. You order the chipotle sauce. And then after you get your sauce, you're like, I don't really want that. So then you scrap the order. You get a whole new sandwich.

But this time you start sauce first. Oh, wow. And you get the buffalo sauce. But then you go in reverse. You go back down the line because you don't just want a buffalo sauce sandwich. No, no, that'd be weird. So you put on your veggies and then your cheese and then your meat. But then when you get the meat, they give you pastrami on accident.

Oh, no. And you didn't want pastrami. Buffalo and pastrami. Yeah, they already did it. What kind of world is this? They put it on there. I mean, America's a melting pot, but what's enough is enough. You can't simply just move the pastrami because it's now touched the buffalo sauce.

So you have to do a whole new sandwich and you're like, I want black forest ham because you're weird. So you get black forest ham. Well, we're not, you know, maybe. You get black forest ham and then you get your cheese, you get pepper jack, and then you get one jalapeno like my friends Adam and Joey always do. One jalapeno, one banana

pepper, and then you get mayo and mustard because you change your mind by the end of it. And then you decide you don't want mayo and mustard. You do actually want it just straight up buffalo chicken sandwich. So you go back down the line and just kind of until you get your order right. Basically it means if you pick fourth in the first round

you pick first in the second round. That's kind of what it means there. But both are valid explanations. I was trying to get I was trying to pepper the line instead of just doing one thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few things and then a few things back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, wax on, wax off kind of thing. You got it right, Martin? Yeah. Damn right you did. Hell yeah. We're still going to work. Absolutely. We're tapped in.

I think it's hard sometimes, huh? That shit had me. I was like. Dr. Scondy, we had a normal bong in this house for a long time, like a good American family. He broke it and then he went fucking, yeah, now our family car is like, shit, sit it out. It's like four chambers. He wrecked the minivan and came back with like a stretch hammer.

That bong has mini bosses in it. That thing's fucking crazy. Yeah. It's got like grips on it. That's how thick it is. You've just entered the 36 chambers of death, kid. How you ain't got my shit what I let you hold him in. I don't know what happened.

Fuck you mean? Is he fucking dead? Oh, Jesus. Man, there were all types of fucking blood coming out. Is he dead? I said, God, and you know, a word for word. Sean, you've got the background. There's the best part.

He's like, is he? Is he? Is he dead? Fuck you you mean is he fucking dead uh David as the winner what will the order be I have to go first okay sure uh I'm gonna go David shout out to David shout out Jamel Shawnee alright so I'm third with the third pick I'm cramping up but I'm still gonna

I'm cramping up we're not taking a break it's a stitch in the side it's a bandage of cramp I don't need to stand up play hurt it's gone think about the wings after this that's going to make it worse

the doctor's not thrilled about my cholesterol I've been informed and I don't think wings help do they? the fact that you don't know can we get those wings that clean out your arteries they don't make kombucha wings but

I got some feelers out to a couple of guys yeah we're doing the dnr department yeah that's living off the grid outside of eugene oregon yeah yeah i got i got my mad scientist in there uh david you have the first pick in the commercial jingle afe draft but before you do that we're gonna take a short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35,

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And we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that isn't huddled around a burning barrel for warmth right now uh david boy you have the first pick in the commercial jingle draft what will that first pick be i think it was the first one that came to all our minds. Yes. Written by our hero, Pusha T. McDonald's. Justin Timberlake singing that. I don't give a fuck. Bro. I'm just trying to throw some casual knowledge at you, bud. Is Timberlake, are his

comeuppance here? It feels like his comeuppance might be here. Why does he deserve comeuppance? He's had a couple up and down years. He threw Janet Jackson under the bus. really threw Janet Jackson under the bus's arms. He threw Janet Jackson under the bus. You were under the bus like a coward. Some of that Britney stuff was questionable.

Yeah. That album about being outside. Was it in the trees? Yeah, yeah. Man of the Woods. Man of the Woods. That Filthy song had a good beat, but like. He had a song called Flannel.

He had a song about flannel shirts. I mean, come on. Come on. That guy was in orlando i mean he might be from tennessee but he was in orlando heavy as yeah yeah yeah i mean that's where they started those boy bands right yeah orlando yeah yeah not a lot of flannel or that lou guy was the name lou perlman yeah i remember when i found out push a t had anything to do with that i was just flooredored. Like, what? Was that a Steve Stout or no? No, it was him. It was on that Justin Timberlake song. Wasn't it a song that they were doing? Yeah, something like that. When JT

was working with Pharrell. So they're just in the studio. Anyways. And, you know, Pusha just gave him that. So crazy. How many whips did that buy? Mildred's in the Bahamas for the month. You say he's got a lot of whips did that buy? A few. Mildred's in the Bahamas for the month.

You say he's got a lot of whips. Well, I got a lot. I think he didn't get a lifetime deal off that one, you know, but he also did Arby's. No, he didn't. We have the meats? Yeah, that's him. I believe. There's a song.

What are we doing? Bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp. There's a Pusha T song that that's from. sure is you mean killer mike action bump no i don't know no no not that's a different song oh it's called burial yeah i think you'd know it anyway yeah all right well either way i'm loving it. McDonald's. That's fantastic. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Claim that he created that. I'm loving it. Jingle.

However, two of the co-writers have disputed Pusha T's claim. Why would Pusha T lie about that? It doesn't make him look cool. Yeah. No. Yeah. No, it doesn't. Makes you look weird.

Yeah. It is weird. It's the weirdest thing he's been involved in for sure oh and by the way sometimes i help with massive commercial jingles yeah you wrote grinding yeah i'm still like i'm still i still sell coke i want you guys to think that but then also ain't shit to do every now and then every now and then what do you do every now and then if the pockets if there's nothing but a sweat inside my, I take my fancy ass over to Madison Avenue. And what do you do there? I crank out a commercial jam.

Nice, pusha. For a Fortune 500 company exclusively. You do still sell drugs. I sell cocaine still. Well, there ain't shit to do but cook. Jamel, you're from Virginia. It's true. That is true.

That's the harder wood bridge right there. That's from the fact. That's true. That is true. And that's the heart of Woodbridge right there. That's from the fact. What, that's not like amusement park? No. Am I wrong in saying you're the heart of Woodbridge, Virginia? I'm going to go ahead and say yeah. I think that's fair. As far as Los Angeles is concerned, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far as LA goes, yeah. I think there's some guys hanging out at Cloverdale Park right now who would dispute my claim. Like if he just walked up on him and been like, hey, I don't want no steam with them. But here in Glendale right now, I am the pulse. The sort of East L.A. comedy scene.

Yeah. Los Angeles alternative comedy scene. In Woodbridge. Like that diagram. Yeah, I have that. That's you. That's me. Easily. Like that. General. Yeah, I have that. That's you. That's me. Easily. Easily.

Easily. So that's true. And what else is true is that it's time for your first pick. Oh, speaking of Woodbridge, this is a big shout out to Ripon Middle School. Big ups to y'all. The Goldfish. Remember Goldfish? Give it to me.

Yeah, I remember Goldfish. Give me the jingle. It was like, I could eat them every day. And my mom said that's a thing. Oh, yeah. Gone goldfish. That was a great jingle. Gone goldfish.

Shit, that was a great jingle. I had to pick it first because it was the most fun to change the words of that. You could just make it about sex stuff. Oh, yeah. When you're like 12. I can't eat pussy every day because my girl says that's okay. Man, I love bitches.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. We used to do God, I love bitches. That's the back of the bus

yeah and still keep the mom part though and my mom says that's okay yeah yeah man we gotta get it was too much fun who writes that song that's like a Tyga type of thing.

Like Malice. Tyga. I feel like Tyga would make... He's always... The rappers wrote every pick on this draft. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That might have been Maino. Oh, man. That's Maino's comeback is the goldfish. Yeah, Maino got the goldfish money. High haters and then goldfish. Yeah. My first pick is Mike Cassidy. Well, he took a part of the Jay-Z jingle and then...fish. Yeah. My first thing is by Cassidy. Well,

he took a part of the Jay-Z jingle and then anyway. Man, that was a good, that's a good one. I forgot. I completely forgot about that. Yeah. That's perfect.

I used to love those with tomato soup. You just pour them in the tomato soup. Man, I was just eating them straight out the. Too dry. It's too dry. I was drinking them. Remember when they started putting them in the tomato soup. Man, I was just eating them joints straight out the... Too dry. It's too dry. I was drinking them. Remember when they started putting them in cartons? They put them in a fucking milk carton, basically.

Yeah, I was like, yeah, I gotta drink these. You gotta drink these. You for real... You for real had to crack it open like a milk carton. You're just like, bro, all right, I'm gonna look like that kid. It's better than those old bags that they had.

Remember the weird roll-top top bag those are terrible yeah pepper farm whoever sold them their bags back in the day really got over on them but here's what but here's what it did work on me is i always thought that shit was so fancy oh yeah yeah you have to roll it up like yeah i'll roll up like yeah i'll roll up my candy hold on let me go to france here for a second i got a cookie called the sausalito? Yeah. In a bedroom neighborhood across the bay from San Francisco? Come on.

Fact. I thought they were called mulatto cookies for years. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. That's fine. That led to me. I'm seeing my boy. He lives over by the airport now.

My boy Pepperidge. Used to call him Pepperidge because of that. Are you serious? Yeah. God, that's tight. He was in like social studies and they were like when lotto's i'm like the cookies it's like ain't that true and then eventually because beverage yeah yeah yeah no that makes sense nicknames work yeah the archipelago nicknames yeah that's fucking

yeah shout out to my man pepperidge he really did he got me out of a nice jam over the holiday break you say so much shit that could be anything i had to be vague with that like that like i'm trying to imagine like what jam you could get into and i'm like it could be any oh it was bone mom vivant preserves jam it was a high level jam again i don't know like it's coming like i feel like this is my biggest jam in a while this is like a teddy riley yeah this is like a big time jam like a summertime jam yeah like a summer jam screen jam yeah because i always imagine you could be like if i saw a news report flash on my phone that was like jamel johnson was caught buying illegal computer chips

from north korea yeah i'd be like yeah yeah that checks out yeah well you just could do anything trying to get ahead of the server game everybody wants to be fucking coders you gotta put them codes somewhere once again i don't know what that means on On the chips. You don't have to know how to. I don't know if this is a salsa commercial. I think it's good. Let's go. Yeah, you guys got to check it out. On the chips.

On the chips. Man. Chicago on the chips Sean time for my pick I don't want to grow up I'm a Toys R Us kid there's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with

I don't want to grow up I'm a Toys R Us kid I got the best for so much from bikes to trains to video games it's the greatest toy store there is. Gee whiz! I don't want to grow up.

Cause baby if I did. I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid. Or gay. We didn't have a Toys R Us when I was a fucking kid. And they don't put them in the ghetto. They still. Yeah, that's true. That's not true.

They put them on the edge of the ghetto. Yeah. I had to buy my toys. What'd you have? A KB Toys? I sure did. Yeah. So did I. Yeah. I had to buy my toys. Would you have a KB toys? I sure did. Yeah. Yeah.

So did I. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. I had to buy my toys at the gun store in the liquor store when I was a kid. Wow. Wow. No. So I remember because we certainly had a KB toys.

I thought that was just Sioux Falls. Yeah. No, we had. Really? I remember seeing Toys R Us commercials and I was just like, dog, I want one of those. And then we got one right when I was getting out of the toy game. KB Toy Stories are the canary in the coal mine

of the brick and mortar business. I've said that. Once they went out of business, I was like, now wait a minute, if KB Toys can't stay open with that low overhead that they have, because the toys are just kind of spread out they sure were you go in and full-on openly play with toys that were like in boxes and they can't stay open yeah i'll tell you what it is this is amazon.com you know i don't

know something crazy i specifically remember going to kb toys this has got to be 92 maybe 91 yeah with my mom begging her for a super soaker 50 the green one the green one why don't we have dope super soakers now that we're dogs she pulled the trigger and we had to take the bus got it for you she got it for me but we took the bus to the mall so i was on the bus just losing it like I need to open this now. I kept looking in the bag and my mom would be like, shut the fucking bag. And then we... Because it was like a long-ass bus ride

from the Tacoma Mall to... Then we got to our apartment that we shared a bedroom and she filled it up for me and I was standing on the balcony of our apartment. Just let people have it. Just terrorize the seagulls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very nice. Man. That shit, it's so funny when a kid gets a new toy and it just needs to be open. I remember just being on a bus like, oh my God.

It's amazing. Like a kid will hold up a remote control car like they just won the heavyweight belt. Like, open it. Laura's nephew got a bunch of Legos for Christmas and he just like wanted to crack it

and I'm like, this is an organized toy because I'm over here like I want to build this. Your aunt has to open the new knives. You were a killjoy? No, I just didn't want to lose pieces. Now this is an educational toy. No, no, stop it. Rip it and rip it.

I didn't want to lose pieces because I wanted to build the whole thing. I don't want to lose pieces. Don't encourage him. He's being a fucking dickhead. You're being a point dexter. You're being a fucking point dexter. Fine, I'll tell some more gun stories.

Yeah, you got to be you. You were raised in a particular manner. Gosh, let me think. This is the life you chose. Yeah, dude, Toys R Us. I always the life you chose. Yeah, dude. Toys R Us. I always wanted one because it was like KB. You know, I didn't know everybody had them.

So KB. KB didn't quite have the same effect of walking into Toys R Us because they were so big. Toys R Us was huge. And the smiles. The smell of a Toys R Us. Yeah. It's like plastic fucking euphoria that would fill your nostrils. Did you have a Toys R Us when you were a kid?

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on. Did you guys? Yeah. We did. There was one by Washington Square. Really? Wasqua, yeah.

Wasqua. And there's another one on Jansen Beach. No, we never had one. Well, we had one, but way, way later. Man. But they were. Just go in there. I just, we rarely, I rarely went to one because it was like, like the toy store at the mall

was on some like, can I go to the toy store? Can I go to the toy store? And then she's doing shit. But if you're going to Toys R Us, it's only getting toys. They weren't in the mall. That was never near the mall. They were never out just getting toys. It was like a Toys R Us and then next to it was a place that sold personal watercraft.

Yeah, some shit. Expensive speakers. Like a Just For Feet? Yeah, stuff shit. Expensive speakers. Like a Just For Feet? Yeah, stuff like that. Alright, time for my first pick. Man, my first and second pick. So with my first one, I gotta go with an all-time classic.

It's not even just a good jingle. It's a good song. I want my baby back. Oh, yeah. I want my baby back. I want my baby back. Oh, yeah. I want my baby back. Chili's Baby Macrips Remember Fat Bastard

doing it in Goldmember? Chili's Baby Macrips He butchered it. Do I remember one of the great traumas of my childhood? Yeah, I remember. When they fucking whipped out a character named Fat Bastard with a Scottish accent. Tough time. The second I saw that on screen, I was like, here's the next three years of my life.

Thanks a lot, Mike Myers. He said shit like, get in my belly. Oh, kids weren't going to yell that? Kids weren't going to yell that? Kids couldn't wait to yell that. When they whipped out a character called Fat Bastard. I had to put a couple to the ground because of that movie. Did you really?

Yeah. Kids loved it. They thought they were so fucking funny. You think it's sweet? You can't just be like. It's not sweet. It's like I had to put a couple kids down when I was a kid. Remember kids would be like, what are you going to do?

Sit on me? Yes. No, I'm going to harambe you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to drag you through the water. That was always the thing. I'm going to harambe you. I'm going to drag you through the water. I'm going to pick you up and break you. I'm going to hit you with the jacks

like I got metal arms. Can you grab me a La Croix, Sean? Yeah, me too, please. They were like, what are you going to do? Sit on me. And I was like, I will pound you with my fucking hands. I never did. I'm not a violent person. I did a few times. Because you've got to let them know they think that fat boy shit is sweet. You're not just going to talk to me any kind of way. Especially. I'm not a violent person. I did a few times. Because you've got to let them know they think that fat boy shit is sweet.

You're not just going to talk to me any kind of way. Especially if I'm bigger than you. Yeah, what are you doing? Fat bastard was a problem. And when Reuben Studdard came out. Reuben Studdard was a problem. Reuben Studdard used to piss me off. Reuben Studdard was a problem in my home.

I was through with his ass. Yeah. In my home it was a problem. No way. I wasn't going for that Reuben. My mom and dad were like, Reuben's going to win because all the fat people are going to vote for him. I'm like, how many fat people do you think that... I can't vote for him. What are you talking about?

Yeah, you think there's fat unity out here? There's no fat unity. That's the last unity that will ever happen. There's no love in the wild, bro. Yeah, Chili's Baby Back Rib song. I know y'all seen the video. Oh, man. Iconic.

When you see him laying that track down. Crushing. I know y'all seen the video at original recording. Oh, man. Iconic. It's magical. When you see him laying that track down. Crushing. That shit. We have to add that. We have to retweet that when this comes out. We should for sure retweet. We will absolutely.

Because that shit was like. It was fire. And then when the sound guy is on the other side of the booth, he's like, we got it, guys. Yeah. We nailed it. I want my baby back. We're going to hit. Back, baby, back, baby, back, baby, back, baby, back, baby, back.

If that would have been like, if they would have been talking about something other than ribs, that could have been like a hit song. No way. I guess it was a hit song. That could have won a presidential campaign. That jingle. I want my country back, country, back, country, back, country, back. Bloomberg.

I'm Mike Bloomberg. My name is Mike Bloomberg Marissa, put your horns over all that because we can sell that to the Bloomberg campaign They would drop a million dollars on our front porch for that 100% Thank you very much, this is very helpful for my campaign Oh man

Time for my second pick and with my second pick. And with my second pick, I'm going to take... Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. There's some good ones in here. It's a tough draft. It is a tough draft.

It's tough to know where to even start. Because there's like five that are like you want. Yeah, I had to make... I gotta take a personal one, even though I know this is like a smaller pool of pics but this was one that just like fucking dominated my childhood you gotta get it you get caught up in the crossfire it was like that it was like that gang of like orphan bikers yeah that's how they were dressed that's what they were presenting us

absolutely that crossfire part somewhere yeah it was for the bad kids when that dude says crossfire for the bad kids yeah he says it just like crossfire but like bad and rich yeah like the serial killer did you guys ever know anybody who had crossfire i think they had one of my daycare but all the the ball bearings my buddy brad had crossfire that was sick dude and you felt like you were in the commercial because you're just sitting there like shooting a gun at somebody else i mean that was the like you're just shooting you're both shooting each other and you're just like fuck you fuck you like before you know what you, like, real bad shit to the other person.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Take that. He's talking like P. Diddy. I mean, that's all it was, is you just shot BBs into the other person's goal, right? Yeah, it was a violent game that was designed to blast the skin off your knuckles. I mean, it was like launching, do you ever play quarters?

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You mean, did I go to lunch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went to lunch. My bad, my bad. Did I play quarters? You'll get caught up in the crossfire.

Crossfire. Crossfire. Yeah. Dude, that commercial was like trying to make like seven year old kids look like they're fellas. It was like you were playing a game in front of an active volcano. Like that's like what the commercials vibe was.

I'm sure parents looked at that. Like, God damn it. Crossfire. Yeah. Like what it crossfire I'm gonna I can't afford it you said I want to watch a cartoon about dinosaurs and there's fucking brain box in these dinosaurs they're covered in weapons I mean that's not what I thought of when I thought of dinosaurs and now you're gonna fucking buy them a crossfire

I thought this was an educational toy I mean god Sean time for your second pick meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Do you know the lyrics? No. I want chicken. I want liver. Meow mix, meow mix.

Please deliver. It was the meow mix. Yeah, he nailed it. Don't you remember that? It was just the cat just going like. I didn't understand your drunken babblings when he even put the words into it. Don't you remember that? It was just the cat. I didn't understand. I didn't understand your drunken babblings when he put the words into it. Again. Again with this.

That's how the song went. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. That's how it went. It's not a drunken babble. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. That's how it went. One more time? No. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, He didn't win. First of all, I am at work. I won. This is a job.

It's a very easy job. If I have to tolerate a little bit of shit talking from David, I'm absolutely fine. Also, hey Twitter, come at David. Tell him to be nicer to me because he's a bully. Damn. He's putting the Sean St. Clown posse on you. He does have a, like, I mean, we have, most people

are fans of all three of us, but he does have a special, like, you know how, like, Saddam had his, like, I mean, we have, most people are fans of all three of us, but he does have a special, like, you know how, like, Saddam had his, like, Republican guard? Who were all just, like, hanging close and, like. Sean's got that group. That's true. I found the lyrics. From the original 1970s one. You want me to Frank Sinatra them?

They've been making cat food for that long? I like crunchy. I like meaty. 10 to 7 satisfies satisfies completely cats didn't eat before the seven days i like chicken i like salmon fish oh wait i like salmon i like chicken tender sanders means twice the lick and now you know twice the meow means meow mix tender centers they had tender center meow mecks in the 70s? Yeah, dude. Whoa. Yeah, that seems like they put a bowl of milk

out here. Yeah, I feel like that's like early in the pet food game. I really think people were just given to animals like scraps before. Once upon a time

in Hollywood shows there was a thriving dog food. Certainly dog food. A gross sounding thriving dog food. Rat flavored. Squirrel flavored. Yeah, the Meow Mix song. It always stuck out.

And I like the video of the cat just like... It was just the cat's mouth not doing anything. It was a cute little kitty. Somewhere under there, there was somebody with a knife just poking the cat over and over until its mouth would move. Because it was before like PETA. That's what I thought. Fuck you, cat.

I killed it. Bring like PETA. That's what I thought. Yeah. Fuck you, Ken. I killed it. Bring in another one. It's dead. It died by the knife like the other ones. I'll tell you, you want to ruin your childhood, like look up Milo and Otis. The animals they went through. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I'm laughing. They'd be dead by now anyway. Jamel, time for your second pick. Oh, shit. All right. I got one. I'm laughing. They'd be dead by now anyway. Jamel, time for your second pick. Oh, shit. I got one. I got one for you guys. I'm ready. Don't worry. I got one. Nothing gets to you.

Staying fresh and cool. With Mentos. Fresh and full of life. Fresh goes better. Fresh goes better. Fresh goes better with Mentos. Fresh goes better with Mentos. It's full of life. Mentos.

The Freshmaker, bitch. The Freshmaker, dude. My favorite one was when the man made himself fresh by laying on that thing. These are clean pinstripes now. Yeah, now it's a pinstripe. You know, that's where Ari Gold found Vincent Chase for the first time was in a Mentos commercial. The Freshmaker. The Freshmaker. The Freshmaker.

That was a good one. That was original game. Those commercials all had a big, like, these were filmed in and for Denmark. And then we're just playing an American music cartoon over them. They did all seem weirdly foreign. Right? Yeah. Even the guy who said it sounded like he was reading but he didn't know English. Those were clips from

Mentos the Freshmaker. It was European pornography. It was. It was the opening scene of European pornos. And then they just added Mentos the Freshmaker. People are calling this fucked. Pinstripe?

Pinstripe's getting fucked and he's getting the job. Wasn't there like going through the backseat of a cab was one of the commercials? Yeah. There's one where they picked that car up and moved it. Oh, yeah. Because that person couldn't get out. So like a bunch of big dudes in overalls came and moved the car. Remember that one?

Yeah. That's how a lot of German porn started. Just six beefy dudes picking up the car. Really inconvenient mints. Yeah. That roll of mints. And they're not flat. Really?

You know what I like about Mentos? They're not. They're kind of chewy, but they're kind of hot. Like, they don't. They're not. I like that texture. Put them in your back pocket. Here's what I like about Mentos.

Always on sale. At Plaid Pantry, you can still get Mentos for like 29 cents. Oh, sure. Like, for real. The fruit flavor? The fruit medley? The fruit ones. Those are the only ones I fuck with. I don't think I've ever had the white ones. It tastes like the flavors of Easter.

I love it, man. I like them still. If they weren't like Super Ghetto, I'd get them when they're on sale. All the time. You know what I mean? At Plaid, they always have them on sale. Jafil. Jafil. Jau rules. Jau provides. Wait. Jau provides. Jau rules. Fresh goes better. mean at plaid they always have them on sale joffield joffield joff rules job provides wait job provides joe rules fresh goes better mentos freshest frank sinatra redoes all your favorite jingles there is a guy who has dm'd me i wore this hat so this way like so he's dm me on twitter

i opened my dms at some point this year and he's dm me six different times where did you get that hat that says nobody's with the blazer logo it says nobody's with a little blazer logo on it it's a company called famous nobody's i think carmelo anthony is involved that's where i got it i'm not going to answer his dms because should you should you always reveal your sources where you get cool stuff? Listen to the show. So all you gotta do is just gook. I could probably find

out where you got that hat if I just dug a little. Anyway, at Drexler's dad and nobody tell him if you're listening to this podcast A, thank you for listening. B, it's a famous nobody's hat. C, if you're not listening D, your way out of it. podcast a thank you for listening b it's a famous nobody's hat c if you're not listening d uh you d your way out of it uh-huh abc d is nuts thank you there you go thank you the royal

penis is clean your highness hey did uh did what's his name don't get at you yesterday d is nuts it's on the chronic you remember remember that? So my second pick? Yeah, second pick. And third. I wish you weren't so mad at me today. No, I'm not mad at you. Second pick is a real song. Yeah. But they were put in the guise of a Chevy commercial.

Oh. I'm talking about like a rock. Damn. Oh, man. Like a rock. I was strong as I could be. Like a rock. I was strong as I could be. Like a rock. Nothing ever got to me.

Like a rock. Do you know who the song originally is by? I thought it was a singer song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was strong and I was lean. Like a rock. What did he say? I was 18.

Solid everywhere. Solid everywhere. That's what he said. Now I'm old and soft. Losing all my hair. Like a rock. Not so much like a rock that second. Like a rock.

Yeah, that shit. Yeah. And that shit goes hard. It was a great way to sell trucks. Yeah. Remember those commercials? It would always be like sundown and they were about to like get off their job and they were doing some shit where sparks was flying yes like welding near their truck yeah hella sparks and he

would just take off his fucking welder's mask and like yeah so much better than this fucking dennis leary ass like fight way they sell trucks now i hate it so much sounds like now the way they sell truck is like before they were like oh you're a dude and you would like this now they're just like are you a bitch yeah i hate that shit yeah let me like let me no don't do that to me hey pussy that's what they're doing why don't you drive a fucking ford focus you have a vagina or a truck? Sorry, pussies. Yeah. It's like girls like trucks, first of all.

Yeah, man. Yeah. Some guys like a Priyanka. Some guys want to drive a fucking Fiat. Who cares? There's not anything I hate worse than that shit where they try to market to you where it's just like, hey, if you don't use fucking Milwaukee tools, you're a bitch. And you're like, dude, what?

Chill out. Like, yeah, I don't always want to eat the son of the Baconator. And you're like, dude, what? Chill out. Like, yeah, I don't always want to eat the son of the Baconator. Or there's like the real men love Christ. I'm like, is that what you got out of Christ? The whole real man? That's what you took away from that? Jesus was a dude. Yeah.

All right, bro. You chill out. Real men. Real men. Real men. Not whatever you are. Except for those real men of genius commercials that Budweiser used to do. Oh, those were good, dude.

Here's to you, Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer. Those were fucking funny. Mr. Way Too Much Cologne Wearer. I downloaded a bunch of those on App Store. Me too. I have like 20 of them. What was the Real Men of Genius? I'm trying to think of the post-it.

Literally, it could be a pick It's too late now No it isn't Who's on anybody's list? Dave, time for your third pick Oh, I'm picking And I don't know when I picked up this song I'm picking the Tootsie Roll jingle

How's it go? Tootsie Roll, how I want your chocolatey chew Tootsie Roll, I think I'm in love with you whatever it is becomes a tootsie roll to me oh hell yeah yeah that's good that's just a classic that's just good so i only know the end of it i didn't know the whole yeah it was just a good ass song whatever it feels like they needed like something good during World War II and they were like, let's write this Tootsie Roll song. We're losing this war. Fellas. Morale is low.

We got to get the kids back in the war effort. We have to use all the real chocolate to build napalm. All we got is this Tootsie Roll dreck. What do we do? Rogers, Hammerstein, crank us something out. What is it? Well, it's a byproduct from the glue we use to make ships

if you eat too much of it you get asbestos it's a byproduct from a nautical sealant that we make in Venezuela because you know if the kids down there get sick who cares nobody finds out anyway it's delicious it'll give you a mesothelioma I'll tell you and also put hair on your chest

it's one of the side effects actually several of the children wartimey Tootsie Rolls. The hair grows into the lungs and the... Let's not get into it. Jamel, time for your third pick. Alright, I'm going to go with a little more recent one. Always stuck with me.

Empire. The Rug Guys. Oh, yeah! 805-80 800-300 Empire! Yeah, damn, that is good good that note at the end yeah they crushed that note yeah wait for that drop oh yeah jesus empire and i i never would get steamed carpets but if i did and that commercial's trippy as fuck yeah if you're on like acid or something that's like a cgi old man Yeah. If you're on like Acid or something. Oh, yeah. Because it's like a CGI old man.

And he's like, they just like roll a whole carpet out. And then the room like waves. Yeah. And then the shit is like set up perfect. Yeah. But then he's got like a big head. Yeah, he's got a big ass head. It's like a fucking, it's like some fucking up shit.

Yeah, that is wild looking. It's great. That's a wild ass. It's some up shit. What a sad. Empire is good. God, up was sad today Empire

for less is that part of it sometimes no no just today no just today never no no

that's parents empire is that cool Ion acid it's good is that is that not cool I'll go I'll take off

that's cool that's fine I was gonna to leave anyway. Actually, the post office closed pretty soon. I'm not leaving because of that. That happened and I happen to be leaving, but it's not because of batteries. I got to ship off some packages that have been burning a hole in the backseat of my... What?

You know, LSU. Oh, LSU. Big time program. Big time program. Sean, time for your third pick. Dave, would you hand me that blue and white bag that is to your immediate right? This bag full of drugs?

Baggiola. I don't know what's in this bag. I work for CBS. Can you not do drugs at CBS? I work for Viacom, and they are pro drugs. Viacom. We both work for Viacom now. Oh, yeah.

Have you had to do a drop for our show yet? No, I haven't yet. Oh, they bought like they show Late Late Show in the morning. Oh dude, I'm going to hit it hard. Late Late Stew with Ian Carmel. Yeah. I'll just do so many takes so they have to do it.

Yeah. The kid never said Corden. It's James Corden. Yeah, I know. 11 Gordon David, it's James Gordon Yeah, I know 11, 10 a.m. Central The Late Late Show with Ian Carman Fuck, I'm sorry The Late Late Show with Ian Carman Fuck!

Alright, we'll have to use that one Ian Carman, fuck! Sean, your third pick? Give me a break give me a break hey give me a break break me off a piece of that kit kat bar yeah that was part of it did brian setzer just walk in yeah that was that was. That was part of it. Did Brian Setzer just walk in here? Yeah. That was like the difference between the regular happy birthday and the black happy birthday. I didn't know there was

another extra touch. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Between that and rest in power instead of rest in peace. He really kind of fucking dunked on us. Yeah. rest in power instead of rest in peace. Woo. Yeah. Really kind of fucking dunked on us. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Rest in power. Who knows who wrote the white happy birthday? Stevie Wonder wrote the black one. It is really good. I thought, I thought Sheik Looch wrote white happy birthday. Shut up.

That wasn't Sheik. White happy birthday. You guys sure that wasn't She. White happy birthday. You guys sure that wasn't chic? When you see me, don't think of me as chic from the lots. Think of me as a dude who wrote white happy birthday. It was chic Looch and Bryan Adams. Also that young kid who knows how to box. Knows about rocks.

This next one. Yes. They, it's, it no longer exists. The phone number had to get changed due to legal reasons, due to a parting of ways. Is it one that I was going to pick? Between a council that I keep, two people I keep on retainer.

Sure. Both Celino. God damn it. And Barnes. Celino and Barnes. Celino and Barnes. Injury attorneys 800-888-8888

Don't wait Call 8 Sometimes when I see you on Twitter I sing Celino and Barnes In my head That was a good day Let's hear it 1-800-888-8888

1-800-888-8888. Was there too many? You tell me. There was an extra eight. No, there wasn't. Or was there? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

You ever see those phone numbers that'll be like, you know, 1-800-get-the-video-game-right-now and you're like, there's way too many numbers. But it doesn't matter if you dial extra numbers. You still like it stops at the number that they need. It cuts you off. The new Salino and barnes what's what did they change it to a million or just for seleno oh the barnes firm that's right one eight hundred eight million you just want to listen to this magoo song no i want timbaland and magoo yeah solid seleno and barnes god forbid i get Salino, Barnes, and Orfolion and Orfolion involved in the case.

You guys see these Orfolion and Orfolion commercials? They're local. Orfolion and Orfolion. Yeah, dude. It's the Armenian Salino and Barnes. I used to walk past the Orfolion firm every day on my way to work. You walk carefully past them.

Sometimes when I see ads like that, I just like, I want to be in an accident. You know, I want to talk. Sometimes we're like, yeah, I don't want to call Orphanian and shoot the shit. Have you seen this new guy in town, Sweet James? Oh, Sweet James is running it. Yo, he's taking over. Yo, Sweet James is running it. He's the official sponsor of the Clippers.

It's crazy. How did he fucking? He got his name on the stanchion. My man blew into town. I feel like I didn't have ever see Sweet James. And all of a sudden Sweet James was everywhere. For everybody who doesn't live in LA. He looks drunk and shit on that billboard.

He's hammered on that billboard. Oh yeah. Absolutely. If you don't live in Los Angeles, can you dive into what Sweet James is? Because I don't even know. Sweet James is a personal injury and accident attorney along the lines of a Salino and Barnes. Sweetjames.com. Yeah.

Sweetjames.com. Which how did he lock that how was that not here are you kidding me if your name is james and you know what a computer is sweet james i own sweetboy.com and biz it went like porn.com pets.com and then sweet james was the first three that got bought i feel like yeah that shit's crazy anyway he like went from like never seeing his name anywhere to billboards all over the city king i'm right under the two man over the two they'll overpass with a big billboards sweet james sweet james what does sweet james look like

yo he looks kind of stupid simultaneously he's like he looks dumb as shit if you haven't seen him before you're not that's not what you expected but after you see him you're like of course okay all right you would expect him to not be able to read when you see sweet james sweet james.com huh i'm sweet james jones when i come through bitch i treat you good because you know why i'm rich oh yeah pimpsy uh r.i.p injured oh yeah dude that's sweet james looks crazy no jingle yet no jingle sweet james hasn't dropped a jingle and i'm waiting he might get he might get blue face dang i'm expecting blue face he really might though if he could get blue face this blue face and lou williams sweet james on the sweet james track that's what we need Blueface. Blueface and Lou Williams. Sweet James, Blueface, and Lou Williams.

That's what we need. What's fucking crazy is that feels within reach. Yeah, make it happen. He's an official partner with the Clippers. Get him in there. That's one dude locked in already. All we gotta do is get Blueface to wake up. Yeah. Because I'm hella selfish.

Somebody go wake up Blueface. It's three o'clock. Where'd he go? Somebody wake up Blueface. Where's the beef? It's three o'clock. Where'd he go? Somebody wake up Blueface. Yeah. He's out cripping. Yeah, he's just out cripping somewhere. Kicking his mom out of his condo again. Yeah.

Re-kicking his mom out. That shit was wild. Yeah, it was nuts. I'm not even on mic, dude. Oh, yeah, because it's back to back. Ian, it's time for your fourth pick. I'm going to make it off mic. As it is, a serpentine draft.

Thank you. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel I'm taking a oh I wish I were an Oscar weiner that is what I truly want to be cause if I were an Oscar weiner

everyone would be in love with me hey oh everyone would be in love with me. If I were a rich man. Na-na-na-na-na. It felt like that went after that. Yeah, no, for a rich man. Na-na-na-na-na. It felt like that went after that.

Yeah, no. For a hundred percent. I used to think there was only one Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. That it would like, if you saw it, you're like, Whoa, there's the one. That could have been two drafts ago. Things I thought as a kid. There's one Oscar Mayer.

I thought that too, actually. I thought that till two seconds ago. Well, what kind of economic sense does it make to have a fleet of Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles? That's like thinking there's... But they do. Of course there is. That's like, you know, when you're at the mall and you're like, there's the Santa Claus. Then you realize they're like, oh, they're everywhere.

I've only ever seen one Wienermobile in my whole life. What if you saw Santa driving the Wienermobile? And when I saw it, I spazzed. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh my God. I've seen them on freeways. Woo. Yeah, it's fantastic.

That's shout out to Saint Sue, huh? For some reason, I remember her singing that song. But it might have been a different jingle. And if it's still around, I will take it with my fifth pick. But we're not there yet. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I have two hard candies in my mouth. My fourth pick, right?

Mm-hmm. Boom, boom. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Mm-hmm. Boom, Boom. Ch. Chippie Chica. Mmm. Boom. Boom. Twix. What?

That's not a commercial jingle. Is it a commercial jingle? Well, they used it. I mean, that's the Twix commercials. It was the Twix commercials. Of course it was.

Cause I remember that. I know. I know that. It's a real song. It was the Twix commercials. You guys don't remember that? I don't. I would. You don't need to get so defensive. I believe you. Hand to God. I believe you. David's a real song. It was the Twix commercials. You guys don't remember that? I don't. You don't need to get so defensive. I believe you.

David's got me on edge all fucking days. I'm getting defensive. You guys shouldn't sit on the same couch together. I like hanging out with my friends. David doesn't. I don't know why. I don't know what I did. I am hanging out with my friends. Damn! He pointed around.

He's nagging you so you quit tell us you did. We'd be nice to me if I signed. Letter of intent. Do you want to be a tiger or not? Yeah, that was the Twix commercial. Listen, we allowed Like a Rock. I think we have to allow this. Are there words to it?

I don't think so. It's just someone eating candy. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's in a Twix commercial and it sticks out in my mind. Because like a rock was a whole Chevy campaign. First of all, yeah. Float on by modest masses in like an Apple commercial.

I'm not going to take float on. I'm not, I'm not saying you can't take it. We'll watch the commercials after. And you guys will see that it is. I dare I say before Ferris Bueller's. Really? When did that come out?

The 80s, dude. The early 80s. Was it? Or the mid-80s. One of those two eras. I'm sticking. I mean, if you say I can't, then I won't, but I'm sticking with it. That is my pick. One of my great kicks.

Oh, yeah. It doesn't strike me as a jingle. Here's my only, this is not. I thought it was a jingle way before. You can have the pick. I'm not, would never try to dissuade you from that. It doesn't strike me as a jingle. There's nothing catchy about it.

There's nothing to get stuck in your head, really, I guess. Chika-chika. Don't get stuck in your head. Jamel, time for your fourth pick. Chika-chika. Chika-chika. Chika- your fourth pick since we're making bad picks everyone's sick in here everyone got the fuck Sean disease I'm gonna switch it up

this was kinda I wasn't gonna pick it but now I'm gonna pick it uh shouts out to um Jennifer Lopez and Shakira at the Superbowl Fanta don't you want to want. Don't you want to? Don't you want to? Don't you want to? Don't you want to?

Don't you want to? Don't you want to? Don't you want to? Don't you want to? Yeah, and they just had the different colored dresses. Oh, those Fanta girls were bad. Yeah. Those Fanta girls were bad.

Shout out to Banana. Yeah. Or was it Pineapple? Oh, whatever. I just think it's Yellow. Whatever the Yellow is. I don't think there's many banana flavored sodas that would be fucking disgusting carbonated banana flavor that's wild banana soda sounds like a little creamy

that's some shit that Chris Tucker would drink in the fifth element this is Ruby Rich carbonated banana soda hey my banana soda Hey my banana soda Uh huh Yo that's actually a good pick though Don't you want Don't you want Is that Kieran J. Lo

No no just vibes It is though Yeah Man that halftime show I was this is not a flex because I was working very hard and it was not It is, though. That's what's true. Yeah. Man, that halftime show. I was this is not a flex because I was working very hard and it was not super fun. It was amazing to be there. It's a better memory than experience, if you will.

Sure. I was on the field during the halftime show and I couldn't tell if it was good. I'm like, this seems rad. It seems really cool. But I also thought the Maroon 5 one seemed rad from the field. Cause I'm like, there's big boy. He's wearing a fur coat and a Cadillac on a football field. That's amazing.

Wow. And then it turned out that that one was kind of whack. And then I watched the Shakira and JLo one and I was like, Oh, that's fucking amazing. They murdered it. It was nuts at the house. Cause they had the,

the way they hooked the fireworks up was also real nice. Yeah. Yeah. It was so cool when she does the, when Shakira, they're doing that Waka Waka song from like the or the world cup they did the world cup in africa but she's doing that crazy dance where like well she's just like super blasé about it but her feet are going like fucking crazy she's a nuts dude oh my god it's crazy she's like 42 she's fucking 40 yeah

the name is 50 they crushed hard shakira's 43. I think as Laura looked it up and when she saw it, she's like, Oh my God, Shakira is 43. She got so stoked. She was so thrilled. I got one year to learn how to dance. Cool.

I can be Shakira. So during the press conference too. So like JLo was like, JLo always looks, I've seen her in person a few times on account of the industry. I work in amazing, but like an alien look, just like you're like she's like radiant i mean she's literally radiant her and beyonce are the only two people i've ever seen who i'm like you're kind of glowing like for real like i don't know what's going on but you glow and uh she looked amazing then too

but shakira was up there in like a obviously a two thousand dollar guns and roses t-shirt but still like a guns and roses t-shirt and like jeans and her hair is like it looks so soft you're just like you're yeah it's nuts the queen of the girlfriends you know what i mean yeah yeah my boy won like like 75 bucks on a bet that she would show butt cleavage yeah like that was a bet that was a prop bet that you were gonna show but cleo my buddy lost because he had a prop bet that they were gonna they were gonna flash to jay-z during the halftime show a lot of crazy prop bets fanta a nazi soda but a great jingle david time for your fourth and fifth picks fourth pick because you said fanta it reminded me uh fandango what's that oh we've got your ticket yeah

not a lot of websites had jingles no there's not a lot of crossover That's kind of a late jingle. Yeah, that shit was great. I forgot about that. That shit was hard. I wanted to hear that song. Not a lot of websites had jingles. No. There's not a lot of crossover there. As websites came up, jingles kind of went away. That's okay, though. Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google. Look up stuff.

A thousand shit is doing this. They're going to have that for free. Just for the years of service. Damn it. They're going to have that for free. Just for the years of service. Fandango, and your final pick? I want to go one, but I don't think anybody's going to get it. It's your last pick. Yeah. Oh, like we won't even remember it?

I can't tell. Yeah. like not like we won't even remember it i can't tell yeah i think that i am gonna go with skip it oh oh how did how did skip it go there's a counter on this ball so skip it skip it skip it by hasbro yeah dude and then there's an extra little verse in there like, do that, beep, bop, bop, bop. Yeah, it's like, hey, all kids, just come on down. Look who just got in the town. So skip it, skip it. You run, you jump, you hop, hop.

Skip it, skip it. Scooping and a screaming and a bop, bop, bop. But the very best thing of all, there's a counter on this ball. Yeah, Skip It. Excellent. It was another fun commercial where a bunch of kids ran up Yeah Remember?

Like the commercial They just all like were in a schoolyard or something They ran up And then they started skipping it Skip it Skip it Beautiful pick I mean, the 90s was a great time

For running up For running up, man You could really run up in the 90s in a way that you can't anymore I miss run-up culture Just run up Run-up can really run up in the 90s in a way that you can't anymore i miss run-up culture just run up run-up culture just run up music video everything everybody's running out of running up the music videos yo everybody was running up nobody ever runs up anymore kai you know why it's fun to run up on a fisheye lens yo my god it's the best buster made a million dollars walking up on a fish eye.

Walking funny on a fish eye. He sure did. He sure did. Hype Williams had the keys to the kingdom. He only gave them to a few people, but he did it. Jamel, time for your final pick. Wow. What a draft it's been. It's been a journey. We Are Farmers. Oh, yeah.

We are farmers. I think that song saved farming. Yeah. We are farmers. Oh, yeah. We are farmers. I think that song saved farming. Yeah. I think they just need kids that are just going to farm because they heard. You've only heard the audio. Yeah. Some guy was like, Dad, I'm leaving the farm.

I'm going to the big city to become an advertising exec. And they heard that song. Maybe I am a farmer. Oh, man. It it hits it's quick who's in the JK Simmons in the cats now what's the German movie Whiplash Mr. Oscar winner from Whiplash

being nice it's always weird to see him be nice playing against type I don't like it I kind of like it. I mean, I like it. Is this Wing? Yeah, yeah. Wingate's going on over here.

Play jazz, man. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to be here, but just get some lemon peppers in my honor. Of course. Yeah, good call. You know what I'm saying? Time for my final pick. Nope.

It's time for mine. Oh, we have to do Sean. We can't actually skip one of my picks. Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folk. Store, right? Oh, you're probably right. They changed it to folk now. Oh.

Because it used to be. And I was wondering about it. I was like, when are they going to change it from helpful hardware man to something that isn't just a man? So now it's Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks. And you get a little gang undertone with that. Yeah, yeah.

You know. Crip love, GD. I got you. Six point and star. You think I still can't do it? You can really just do up some sets with me. Sean, just do up some sets with me, man.

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Come on. No. Yeah. No. My sword's down.

Folk up. Blood down. Crip up. And then every now and again what you would do is you'd take the blood, you'd throw it up and then every now and again what you would do is you'd take the blood you'd throw it up and then you'd

shoot it with a shotgun and float down to your shoe and you'd dust it off and spit on it now where would you think he was from yeah yeah

yeah first thought is not Sioux Falls yeah but it is some type of I give him Kansas City off that

some type of a hood maybe even i was this close to like branding a pitchfork and the webbing of my thumb when i was like a sixth grader come on man that's crazy you were an at-risk teen. Yeah. Yeah, you needed a big brother, man. It was the streets. That was my big brother. That's rough. I grew up fine. I had an amazing life. You seem alright.

It was amazing. I did know some nefarious children. Did I use it right? I think you used that fully correctly. One of them did get a pitchfork burned into the webbing of his thumb, and then I bailed right after. Did you guys all talk about it together?

We did it after banging on Little Rock. After we saw that, because they do it in there, and we're like, well, we got to do it. He makes it seem like I have no grounds for these claims. Like I'm just talking out of my ass. Remember that story you told about a child with a gun? Yeah. Don't forget.

I can't now. Boy, oh boy. Now it's time for your final pick. Now it's time for my final pick. Now it's time for my final pick. It's my money and I want it now. It's my money and I want it now. It's my money and I want it now. Call J.G. Wentworth.

877-CASH-NOW. It's my money and I want it now. Do you have a structured settlement or annuity payment? Yeah. Call J.G. Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW. That was where I learned annuity,. Call JG Wentworth 877-CASH-BALL That was where I learned annuity, where I was like what in the world

is an annuity now? That's like an astigmatism for me. I'm like, whoa look at this word that I had no idea existed. Why don't you get out of my area word? Just JG Wentworth, that's it. If you've been at home during the day and feeling kind of like you weren't supposed to be, you've heard that. Gabe used to have such a good joke about that, about how like it's catered for people who

clearly don't work during the day. It's all about like suing people and like you want some money, but like don't really know how to get it. You have mesothelioma. Do you need to learn how to like clean a gun? It was a very funny. Yeah. Great bit by Gabe.

And connected with some of the best television. I mean, come on man if jg went through it's on some girlfriends might be fighting each other yeah somebody might win a little akia all right yeah troubled teens you know troubled teens yeah you know you get all that maybe samurai pizza cast is on maybe it's an early jg wentworth late cartoon. Sure. Sure. JG Wentworth. Call 877-CASH-NOW. I have a structured settlement. Yeah, he had a whole beat.

I have a structured settlement and I need cash now. Call JG Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW. 877-CASH-MEO-M meow meow meow meow meow meow fucking girl talk over here he's on now Mr. Mashup got him so that wraps up

the draft David you went first you took ba da ba ba ba I'm loving it and then lacquer rock and then the

Tootsie Roll one and then the Fandango one oh we got your ticket yeah your movie ticket Fandango one. Oh, we got your ticket. Yeah, your movie ticket. Fandango. And then skip it.

Skip it. And then, Jamel, you went second. You took on goldfishing. And then the Mentos, the Freshmaker, which I can't. I'm going from song to song, and my brain is scrambling. Mentos Fresh and full of life. Oh, the Fresh goes better. Mentos Fresh. What's the Empire one? from song to song and my brain is crumbling. Men, does fresh and full of life. Fresh cows better.

Does pressure. What's the Empire one? What is the Empire? Empire. It's like a 800-588-2300. Empire. That's right. And they don't say four or less.

Never. They never have. Don't you want to. Want to Fanta. Don't you want to. Don't you want to? And then we are farmers. Sean, you went third. You took the Toys R Us one, which goes I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us

kid. There's a million Toys R Us that I can play with. There we go. It took me a second. I got it, Martin. I got it, Martin. Fly to the Bumblebee speed. Sound like Beaker from the Muppets. And then give me a break.

Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that. Kid Cat Pop. And then... From Twix, which will... It's fucking real. Ace is the place with the helpful hardware, folks. Kid Cat Bar. From Twix, which will get history judges that way. Ace is the place with the helpful hardware, folks. And then I went fourth. Last, Red took

I Want Some Bobby. Chili's. And then you'll get caught up in the crossfire. And then the Salino and Barnes. 1-800-888-888. 8888. Or something. And then800-888-8888. Or something.

And then the Oscar Mayer Wiener one. I was just like, what? Oh, we'll show her an Oscar Mayer Wiener. That is what I truly like to be. And then finally, I went with JG Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW. 877-CASH-NOW. 877-CASH- cash now call now yeah she love for markets i come on down and then we're

playing we're playing the fucking uh prices right so we left some good ones on the board yeah uh mr bucket mr bucket was fantastic forgive me i had an old Nestle one. I was a child. It goes something like creamy white, alpine white, Nestle makes the very best N-E-S-T-L-E-S because it was when they had that white chocolate

crunch. Yeah, it was like alpine white, creamy white, Nestle makes the very best. Christian brothers marching forward. Ew. I think my grandma's family died hearing that. You know what I had?

I had the perfection song. Put the pieces into the slot. Make the right selection. Watch the numbers on the clock. Pop! Goes perfection. Did have perfection. Hell yeah.

Perfection was hard. You slip. You slide. You hit the bump and take a dive. Or it was ramp or something like that. It's a crocodile mile, I think. There was the Almond Joy. Almond Joy's got nuts.

Mounds don't. Or sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Almond Joy's got nuts. Mr. Clean gets rid of Gleason Grime and dirt in just a minute. But they came back with a remix and they were like Mr. Clean is stronger, longer. He's got ultra power in it.

Hell yeah. Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean. Do you remember that post Little Mermaid when like sort of white person reggae was like, those are peppermint, wintel green. Yeah. For like different kinds of like double mint gum. For your peppermint patties. Or something like that. Peppermint.

Peppermint. Rico loves more of like a tag, but. Ricola. It counts. You got gotta count that I had you're not fully clean unless you're

fully clean you got Folgers out there oh oh that one's oh I was gonna take that with Folgers they have like

those mini movies how does it start remember like the fucking oh yeah they did a full yeah they'll do different lyrics

for Christmas yeah it's like life is better with Folgers something about waking up well there's different lyrics for Christmas. It's like life is better with folders. Something about waking up. Well, there's different lyrics to each of them. They're like, you've been out on the road for three straight months. Fucking super snowing.

You just got home. You've been doing speed. Getting the hand jobs from lot lizards. You were lying about your hours and saying you drove less than you did. You almost killed Tracyacy morgan but now and then you mainlined a yellow jacket oh my shit did you guys have burlington coat factory get a bunch of clothes to go back to school with without making you feel weird about it i got an avareax shirt from there.

They used to have the coats too. My mom, I got, you know, they still wanted like 200 bucks for that Averax leather. I know. They were getting a lot of go for cheap. Jingle was great. My baloney has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R. My baloney has a second name. It's M-E-Y-E-R.

I also had a... They had the hot dogs and the... I had a... I am stuck on Band-Aids brand, so germs don't stick on me. Also, I had, I'm a big kid now. Yeah. There was the, and I couldn't think of how it went, but there was the patty, like, or bun, two patties, lettuce, pickles, onion, special sauce. Or the Whoppers.

Not the Whopper. The Big Mac song. But I couldn't obviously think about it. That's why I started eating Big Macs for a while. What is it? Two all beef patties. Whoppers are good too. How does it go? Do you remember how it went? Two all beef patties. Lettuce, pickles, onions.

It's more like a cheese, pickles, onions. Chesapeake, Chicago. It's more of that than the song. Yeah. Okay. You guys ever put mac sauce on something else? Oh, yeah. That was the day I was real. That's when I really started smoking weed. Mac sauce with a double cheeseburger? Get out of here.

Oh, boy. Back in the dollar menu days? God, I think I rid of the dollar menu. When it was straight up a dollar? Man, the spicy chicken sandwiches. Oh, my God. That shit was so clutch. That probably saved and cost me my life yeah yeah that's how that goes there was definitely you know there was definitely some times where five dollars was the whole meal you could afford for that day and you did not feel

like you were shorted yeah plus like then you were just gonna go get in bed anyway because you depressed because you just ate five dollars worth of mc. I knew it was all going to go downhill when they put the McDouble out. I was like, oh, it's the end of it. The McDouble was the beginning of the end. Rip the cheese from us. Yeah, man. Who knows what's next?

We want to hear your jingle picks at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcasts at gmail.com. Please hit us up. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Shout. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. The biggest shout out possible to super producer Marissa. Marsmell.

Hit her up. Shout out to Sazu Carmel. Shout out to fucking Haji Beats. Shout out to Sisu Dude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Lance Banks. Shout out to Martin. It's been a pleasure having you in the studio.

Shout out to the chicken wings we're about to eat. Thank you. I didn't bring my wallet. I got you. I need a credit card to put in. I haven't even ordered the wings. We'll eat them at some point. Malloy conveniently forgot his wallet

when I was paying for the shit last night. Mike Malloy did. Oh shit, I don't have my wallet. night. Mike Malloy did. Convenient. Oh, shit. I don't have my wallet. Sure you don't, you fucking goon. Some of those basketball shorts with no pockets on them, huh? I get the game.

That's such a tough look. I got a pocket for that attitude. I'll tell you that. That guy. That fucking guy. I will Venmo for who. Oh, please. Come on.

More than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Fuck! More than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Fuck! that was a hate gun podcast