All Fantasy Everything - All Fantasy Everything (w/ Amy Miller, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

All Family Everything, this ones for you. Support the show!Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodEpisode Guest:Amy Miller @Amymiller IG: @AmymillercomedyFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] you to Michael Lopez for sourcing the Tina Turner clip!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is doing its 100th episode right now! What? Yeah! Woo! Woo! Hell yeah! Probably some disco whistles in there, Marissa.

Maybe some air horns. Scream, scream, scream! Yeah, severe, like way too many air horns. People are going to be like, Jesus, they really. There's no such thing as way too many air horns. All right, well, you know. Agree to disagree. Scream, scream, scream.

And then if we could just get like a voice saying like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if it's just my voice doing it again. Oh, yeah. Can we also get Tina Turner saying, this is butter town. I think we can. It's a thunderdome. Okay, cool.

And then can we do the chibichica from Ferris Bueller? Chibichica. Oh, yeah. See, I always thought it was day bow bow. I don't know. Day bow bow. Day bow bow. So weird. I always thought it was oom.. I don't know. Day bow bow. Day bow bow. So weird.

I always thought it was oom. Oom bow bow. Chupa chupa. Thanks for tuning in. We'll be back next week. There you go. Special treat. That was it.

This is the first time we're videotaping it, too. Yeah. Where can I tell the super producer, where can I tell people to go check it out? The HeadGum YouTube channel. Go to the HeadGum YouTube channel and see moving images of us. See what we look like all the time. Very hungover.

No. And then that camera as well. And then maybe that camera? I forgot we were filming, so I wore sweatpants, sweatshorts, and the free socks they give you when you fly first class on British Airways. They give you free socks?

Yeah, dude. With a multicolored toe. Yeah. That's nice. Bump those things up on the table. Let me see some. Pretty classy. It's a classy situation.

Is it bad that I fully remembered that we were filming and this is what I did? It is. You wore the pin, folks. I did. You're wearing a lot of colors. You wore the AFE special pin, folks. I know you didn't make them for us, but I'm saying that.

You look like a bag of Skittles. I try to. That's always been my goal. I've wanted someone to say that my whole life. You're sweeter than a bag of Skittles. What are we doing? I got the shades on because I'm going to cry like a widow all day. Like a widow? All day. All day I'll be crying.

Those are the only sad people you can think of. Oh, my Henry. Henry. Henry. Henry. He died in the dust bowl. Is that you, Henry? Wait.

Nana, Nana, that's just the smoke alarm. It's not Henry. Henry. Oh, he was a smoke show. Yeah. He passed on. He stepped out a lot. Henry is no longer with us.

I can't wait to be a hot grandpa. Oh, my God. Dude. I think I'm going to be my hottest as a grandpa. I stepped down a lot. Henry is no longer with us. I can't wait to be a hot grandpa. Oh, my God. Dude. I think I'm going to be my hottest as a grandpa. I think so, too. I'm going to be a buff grandpa. Yeah, like buff hot grandpa. Oh, yeah.

You'll have that salt and pepper beer thing going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be thick. I'm going to have a cane sword. I'm going to kill people with it. One of those old monsters like, you can get out of here. I'll handle this. I think I might pick up a toothpick in my

60s. Ooh, I like that move. You've got to save some stuff for later. You've got to save one or two moves for later. You're going to be so wise. My earnest old man plan is to get into white linen. Like a light brown leather, white linen, everything. Maybe some chains. Like Richard Branson. Like a light brown leather, white linen, everything.

Maybe a couple chains. Maybe some chains. The chains have already started. The chains are already. Loafers, you'll have. My chain spent the summer in Portland though.

I gotta get it back. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get super into handball when I'm like 65. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're gonna be in prison? I'm gonna move to Brooklyn.

I'm gonna move to Brooklyn. I'm gonna act like I'm in the movie Sleepers and I'm gonna play handball. He's changing his name to Paijon. That movie where they have sex with kids?ball he's changing his name to Paijon Paijon Giordano

Paijon Giordano Paijon do they play handball in Sleepers ah it's just the first movie it's funny that that's the first New York movie I thought of

yeah yeah yeah it is there's so many movies in New York Sleepers Sleepers and then Spider-Man

kids you should've went with Spider-Man Sleepers? Sleepers. Sleepers and then Spider-Man. You should have led with Spider-Man. Sleepers. Nobody remembers that movie. Spider-Man can't play handball though because it sticks, you see. No, that's an option for him. Yeah, he can turn it off.

He can choose. Yeah. All right. He can still like a shake a hand. Like, thank you for sending this in, Spider-Man. Sorry. Yeah, you can finger Mary Jane. She's not filled with webs.

I didn't see a wedding ring. I didn't see a wedding ring. I didn't see a wedding ring on that finger. She's filled with web fluid, if you know what I'm talking about. I wonder if she ever is. We've seen Batman's dick now. Do you guys see this? Do you hear about this? No.

I didn't read about it either. What happened? DC put out a comic that Batman's dick is in. Does it just look like a smaller Batman? No. When he comes, does it just, he's like, pow. Says, not today. Bruised not, what is it?

Bruised not dead or beaten not dead or whatever the quote is? No, anyway, continue. They showed his whole hog. There's like a quote where he gets in a car accident and he's like, I bruised, but I'm not dead or something like that. I bruised. Bruce Wayne? He's Bruce. I'm Bruce, but I'm not dead or something like that. I bruised. He's Bruce. I'm Bruce Wayne.

I'm Bruce Wayne. When he comes, he goes, I don't wear condoms. I'm not wearing condoms. I'm not wearing condoms. That sounds crazy when you say it.

Where's mouth? I'm Googling this. Lay with me. Lay with me. You're pulling up the dick? It looks like a chicken apple sausage. It's got a good size and shape to it. Delicious.

Yeah. Is it like three quarter rocked up? It looks slightly, it looks like there's some, maybe some blood in there. Okay. But not, it's not fully full. Oh, it looks like there's maybe some blood in there. Okay. But not, it's not fully full. Oh, it's one of those, male strippers do that. They'll tie a rubber band around the end of the bad dude so it stays like three out of four. We've all seen the videos.

I've seen. Dancing Bear. Dancing Bear. Oh, yeah. I've seen First Class Male and the Thunder from Down Under live and direct, my friend. At the comedy club. Yeah, at the comedy club. What's First Class Male?

Is it postal service themed? Yeah. Yeah, First Class M-A- the comedy club. Yeah, at the comedy club. What's first class male? Is it postal service themed? Yeah. Yeah, first class M-A-L-E. Yeah, yeah. It's not actually, God, deadbeat tight if they all came out like, we have a package for you and it's just like a three-fourths boner dong

with a rubber band on the end. I'm gonna be honest. I thought Batman would be swinging bigger hogs. No, no. See, they can't give him a huge dick. Oh. Because he's rich and he's Batman. He's got everything. Yeah. But that's not even. You can't't give him a huge dick. Because he's rich and he's Batman. He's got everything.

Yeah. But that's not even. You can't fight crime with a huge dick. Yeah, you are crime with a huge dick. You are crime with, yeah. Like Joker, down to his knees. You can't be a good guy with a huge dick. I mean, you can be a good guy.

You just can't fight crime with a huge dick. You can't have a lot of ambition. You can't be chasing down a perp and have things hitting you in the knees. Why would you want to save everyone when you have a foot-long dick? Yeah. I feel like the penguin's got a huge one. I bet you he's got an awful one. But nobody wants to see it.

The penguin's got a wide one, I bet. Yeah. Just as good. Don't be out here dick-shaming. It's a soda can. Like one of those. It's more like a hill than a mountain. Are there really soda can dons out there? Oh, yeah. Just straight up like a LaC of those like a are there really soda can gums out there

oh yeah just straight up like a LaCroix yeah just thick and medium length sure that's too much dick

this is thick Marissa doesn't know Marissa goes I don't know she just leans over we're filming this I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know're filming this. I don't know. You got a thing with shout out to Wooly Leathers, right? Yeah. Oh, seriously. Yeah, yeah. We finally delivered Super Producer Marissa her wallet. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'm rocking mine in my pocket right now.

Rocking it in the pocket. Pocking it, rocking it. Pocking it, rocking it. Yeah, it means new stuff than the first time I used to do it. What? Pocking it, rocking it. Pocking it, rocking it. P rocking it pocket rocking it yeah it's new stuff than the first time i used to do it what pocket rocket rocket oh no when you're uh checking the gun through your pocket you know what i'm saying cleaning the gun through your pocket like beating off you go in yeah no i never did that oh through your pocket no i never did that Oh. Through your pocket?

No, I never did that. On the inside. Wore a lot of athletic shorts growing up. I took it out. Took it out in class. Let it breathe. Just pulled it out. A penis history.

Kaboom. Did you say kaboom? Like when Batman punches somebody? Kaboom. Bang! I'm done. Oh, man. We have fun. We have fun.

We're not using the period sheets. How gross can we get? That's pretty gross. We can get gross. I got a terrible bloody nose the other night. Yeah, I heard that. That's the beginning and the end of the story. Was it a dry thing? I think it was that I've been flying a lot. Yeah. I heard that. That's the beginning and the end of the story. Was it a dry thing?

I think it was. I've been flying a lot. Yeah. I think it might have been an up in the air type of thing. I have not been using the street drug known as cocaine. No. So I don't know what else to put it on. It's illegal.

Why would you? I earnestly haven't. No, yeah. I earnestly haven't. I've never done it. I don't know what you're talking about. Nor have I. But if I had done it, I would say that it doesn't make my nose bleed.

Yeah. How could it? Sean Jordan in the studio. I've done meth. Did do that. One time, right? One time. Man, I can't even.

Everybody gets one time. I haven't done meth once. I don't think I'll ever do meth once. Made me have to. That's crazy because you're from Oregon. I know. I'm from like the meth capital of the world. That's why you can't fuck with it.

Can't fuck with it. It's too readily available. Heroin too. You got in before the hype on meth. Yeah, I got a buddy. Before it was cool. I got a buddy who was basically born into it. So he was born into the hype.

Back when it was for truckers? They used to call it, they call it GoFest. Yeah. Truckers, they'd go to a truck's house and be like, hey, you got any GoFast? And that was code for like meth behind the counter. No, I'm also from a meth town. Are we all from meth towns? I know about Crank. Do you remember

Crank? I smoked crack once. I did too. I did too. This is weird. I haven't smoked crack. This isn't how I wanted the 100th episode. What are we doing here? So it's that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. That's what the podcast says. Sean haven't smoked crack. This isn't how I wanted the 100th episode. What are we doing here? So it's that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. That's what the podcast is.

Sean Jordan in the studio. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. True story. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. I've seen a lot of those out there. A lot of those out there. A lot of those out there. More and more.

I like it. Yeah, it's nice. Your influence is evident. It works with everyone. I like it. Well, dude, here we are at 100. That's about it. How are you doing?

What's up? This is coming out on Thursday. I'll be in San Francisco the first weekend in October. I burped way wetter than I meant to. It was really juicy. It was so gross. I'm too close to it. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Well, we wanted Shane to be here, but he couldn't. I burped in that direction. Oh, why burp? So you burped for him. The borracho muchacho himself? The borracho muchacho.? The borracho muchacho. That's another dank one. Heads up, Shane.

Sean and I are learning Spanish so we can talk shit about you in Spanish because you don't know Spanish. Not at all. You're listening to this. Just be ready. You might want to pick up Rosetta Stone so you can hang. You might be watching. I want to know Spanglish, but like well. Yeah.

Like well enough that if you surprise me, I go chinga. I feel like that's within reach. Orale. That's how I like that one. I say it anyways, but I think it might be appropriation. Chintores bebe 50 cervezas antes del juego de fútbol norteamericano. That's good. He drinks 50 beers before the football game.

Before the North American football game. Do you have to say football de norteamericano? Yeah, yeah. Otherwise it's footy. Chantones es muy feo y tambien muy asbestoso. Asbestoso. Yeah.

So just be ready, Shane. Uh-huh. Your ponytail, the bounty's off. Yeah, yeah. That stays on. The new move. Yeah.

The new move is talking shit about you in Spanish, dude. Yeah. I'll move is talking shit about you in Spanish. I'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club with Kyle Kinane first week in October in San Francisco. Comedy Club, Kyle Kinane. There it is. That's it. October 5th, 6th?

I think 4th, 5th, and 6th. 4th and 6th. Beautiful. Cobb's Comedy Club. Come see that. I might be in San Diego two days after this comes out as well. Oh, yeah. Might be. Might be at American Comedy Club. Might well. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Might be. Might be at American Comedy Club.

Might be. Oh, is it one of those ones? Might be. Maybe. Maybe. San Diego. Just a moment. Shane Torres might be headlining a club down there.

You might be there. Barracho muchacho. Barracho muchacho himself. Oh, we will fight. I shan't be there. You shan't. But Count Zacula? Yeah, Count Zacula, he'll be there.

And Chantel Jordan. They got a 24-hour fitness in San Diego, right? They do the beach. They got a beach to run on. Yeah. Yeah. Does he run on a beach? No.

He could. He could. He should. He hasn't had a shirt on for like 30 hours, so. Can you even be mad at that? No, no. No, I respect it so much. Yeah, yeah.

Noi. Dude looks, not Noi, not Eva. Eva. Eva. Mila. Not Noi. Not Eva. Eva. Eva. Mila. Amy Mila. Amy Mila. She's right there.

I saw a tanker that could hold that gasoline. That's the only one I have. I was getting shitty with Amy Mila the other night. Amy Mila. Oi. Amy. Amy. Tell him. Tell him we were getting shitty. I'm E. Miller. I. E. Me. I. Me. Tell him.

Tell him we were getting shitty. E. Me. Miller. Miller. Anyway, so I'll be at Cobb's. Okay. David Borey in the house. Yes, sir. CoolguyJones87 on Twitter.

Oh, yeah. On Instagram. Wait, cool. No, the G is silent on Twitter. It's a lot of stuff. We went out last night. We did go out. The do-rag and real person.

We're going out again tonight. Going out again tonight. Do-rag bandit. We did go out. The do-rag and real person. We're going out again tonight. Going out again tonight. Do-rag bandit. Camel shorts assassin. Whatever you need to call me. Trying to get wavy by the winner. Hashtag wavy by winner. Wavy by winner.

When did you think of all these? Just now. Keep them coming, dude. Keep them coming. Now you come up with one for me. I write down everything I say. I've never came off top. Oh, no, you can do it off the top.

Just think about stuff and stuff. Young Thunder, dude. Yeah. Hot Pocket Hindenburg. Hot Pocket Hindenburg. Hot Pocket Hindenburg, dude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Come on, man. The G goes to Outback Steakhouse tonight. It wasn't that good. That's too long of a nickname. No, like driving Cadillac, slamming wing flats. You just got to say stuff, man. Just like, as long as it runs. Just talk to your mouth.

All flats, no drums, baby. That's where I'm from. Come on, get in there. The G is silent but not violent? Well, that's okay. The Baron of Blue Cheese and Blue Cheese-related accessories. Yeah, that's right. Blue Cheese accessories is so funny.

Because that's what the wings are. They're my Blue Cheese accessories is so funny. Because that's what the wings are. They're my blue cheese accessories. It's more of a blue cheese accessory than anything. This is just a vehicle. The Megadeth of Elizabeth. The what? It's just not happening right now. The Megadeth of Elizabeth?

That's not bad. You getting there? You getting in the groove? You might need more coffee or less coffee. I can't figure out what. Give me like an hour. Give me like the soy sauce boss. You know what I'm saying?

Soy sauce boss, man. Stew in it. You know what I coffee or less coffee. I can't figure it out. Give me like an hour. Give me like a soy sauce boss. You know what I'm saying? Soy sauce boss, man. Just like stew in it. Yeah. You know what I mean? All right. Dinty Moore. The mayor of all thousand islands. I don't know.

It's salad dressing. I'm very salad dressing centric right now. Yeah. I like this. The mayor of all thousand islands. I forgot what we were doing. Oh. Oh, AFV.

Oh, AFV? Oh. No, we're just doing your plugs right now. Oh, AFE. Oh, AFE? We're just doing your plugs right now. Oh, my plugs right now. Nothing crazy. October 12th, you can see me. Oh, come to Faded. Faded. The new show.

Oh, yeah. Oh, and if you're in town, UCB Sunset on Monday, I'm doing Sean O'Connor's pilot. Yeah. So that'll be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. And then other than that, you know, I'm just chilling, making my moves's pilot. Yeah. So that'll be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. And then other than that,

I'm just chilling, making my moves. You know what I mean? Yep, yep. That's it. Eating ice cream. That's it. The ice cream dream?

Yeah, that's good. See? Now it's back in it. Ice cream dream. The ice cream dream? Yeah, yeah. There it is, yeah. I've been craving ice cream a lot lately.

It's good. That's why. But I've never really cared for it. The boss sauce. Feels good in your mouth. I'll tell you why. It's good. It is delicious.

I go through phases. With ice cream? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With ice cream. It is really good. Ooh. Oh. There's that make your own froyo place by the crib.

We should hit it. Seriously. Yeah. We should hit that after this. Yeah. We were just like, let me put these little cheesecake bites on it. One night we were just sitting there and you, it was something like, you just looked

over and you're like, you know what we should do. And then you didn't say what we should do. You're like, let's go. I was like, yeah, alright. And then we drove to that pro-yo place and I'm like, this is what we should do. Living with me is a delight. It is. I've done the same thing. We did a drive-by. Yeah.

You got a salty and sweet. We had just drive-by. Yeah. So. Yeah. You got a salty and sweet. Yeah. You got to balance it. We had just watched the town. He's like, listen, you got to come with me. We're going to hurt some people. You can never ask me about it. Someone shot all of our staff was in town.

Shot a machine gun outside of their hotel and left. Yelled out James Corden forever. Gondelman caught every bullet. Gave them back. Hey, I think you lost these. Man. Here you go. I'm sorry.

You lost these bullets. Speaking of you getting violent, did I tell you I had a dream where you had brass knuckles? Whoa. Whoa. Permanent brass knuckles? No, just like, he like pulled them out of his pocket. And I remember just being like, fuck. Just giving somebody an Italian kiss?

I'm so, is that what it's called? I don't know. I like it. Or I just made it up. I have no idea. I like it. That's the real Irish coffee. Just a good morning with some brass knucks. I like it. Or I just made it up. I have no idea. I like it. That's the real Irish coffee. Just a good morning with some brass knucks.

Bang, ding. Some kids in Sioux City had some. Only time I've ever seen him for real. Pulled him out of his pocket, put him on when it almost went down. And I'm like, damn. I've had brass knuckles at one point. Somebody bought them for me as a gag. They feel terrifying on your head.

Oh, dude. I've seen somebody get knucked up. And it's not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. It is not cool. It feels like it would hurt to punch head. Oh, dude. I've seen somebody get knocked up, and it's not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. It is not cool. It feels like it would hurt to punch someone wearing them, too. No, it's just, that's why they're super illegal,

is because it also, depending on the ones, it also rip your face up. Are they illegal? I didn't know they were illegal. They're illegal. Of course they are. But butterfly knives aren't, so. Butterfly knives are illegal.

Are they really? Yeah. Damn. Man, you were just a wayward youth. None, Chuck. Are legal. Legal. And guns are legal.

Well, not in these hands. They're not legal in these. No. Huh? Yuck, bro. Yuck. You've seen me. You've seen me, Will.

I've seen you, Chuck. I've seen you call upon your martial arts training. Ian looks up, we're getting Starbucks on the way here, and there's two cars ahead of us, and he's like, did that fucking guy just litter? It looked like some dude just set his shit down. And he's like, we found it was a garbage can. He's like, I would have had to call upon my training had he littered. I would have had to call upon my martial arts training.

Walk up to cars. And we were just talking like, even if, just be like, hey, man, I noticed it was a garbage can, but I almost had to call upon my martial arts training. That's a fucking tight thing to say to someone. That is a really cool. Letting you know, enjoy the rest of your day. I'm going to let you take control of the situation, all right?

Either you walk away or you force me to call upon my martial arts training. Uh-huh. Right? That'll defuse the situation real quick. We've got to get into karate.

Yeah. Listen, I was in taekwondo for a very long time. No, I know. And it's better than karate. Karate? You want to know the difference?

Okay. Yes. Taekwondo is 60% feet, 40% hands, and karate is 15% concentrated power and will. 50% pleasure, 50% pain. How the fuck did I miss that? And it's 100% reason

to remember the name, I believe, which is taekwondo. But wait, why is... 60% hands, 40% feet. 60% seems like too much feet. It's a lot of feet. What a wild thing to say while defending a martial art. It's a percentage thing. It's funny to defend a martial art.

Sounds like you're saying the recipe for chicken nuggets. I didn't know there was a recipe. I thought they just appeared. 60% feet. 60% feet. 40% hands. 15% power and will. Yeah.

Are you serious about that? I thought Taekwondo was like debunked. What do you mean? As a fighting style. That's why MMA, nobody does Taekwondo. Well, yeah, it's not great if you're gonna fight you've seen

you've been in fights I mean nobody is gonna like parry and joust when you're in a fight so yeah it's not good just why nunchucks aren't good either

because people just fucking smash into each other I joust during fights huh? I joust during fights I get on a horse I grab a lance and from about

100 meters I charge you know what I do? Charge! I go, how do you want it, Irish or Thai? Irish or Thai. Irish or Thai! One of each?

Yeah, Thai-ish, dude. One of each? That's what Pete used to do. Corned beef and peanut sauce. You know what I mean? That's what I call it. I bet that would be good together. I bet it would be.

Well, we're opening a food truck. I love corned beef. The podcast is over. It's a corned beef and peanut sauce. That would be delicious. Yeah. We made 100 strong before we opened a food truck. I love corned beef. The podcast is over. It's a corned beef and peanut sauce. That would be delicious. Yeah. We made 100 strong before we opened a food truck. That's better than most podcasts.

Gangster raps, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Million dollars. The guy made a million dollars. Who made a million dollars? Smikowski in Office Space.

Oh, yeah. That's right. The guy made a million dollars. It's called a jump to conclusions, Matt Miller. Miller, have you heard of this? Amy Miller. At Amy Miller on Twitter. At Amy Miller on Instagram.

Amy Miller Comedy on Instagram. Amy Miller Comedy on Instagram. In the studio with us on our 100th episode. So honored. Yes! So honored to be here. We were getting Bucket the Roost last night. It was just going to be the three of us.

When you asked me, I almost cried. Really? Yeah, it could have been the tequila. No, it could not have. We were having tequila last night. I am honored. We're having most things.

I love you guys very much. We love you. Seriously. I was having a great time. I love everyone in this room to pieces. It's bananas. Yeah. I'll just say it.

This is insane. Don't draft. We're drafting you. Oh, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, all right.

Amy, what do you got coming up? What do you got coming up? What's coming up on Thursday? Thursday, commonly called in America, Thursday, named after the god Thor. Sure. Oh, if you're in the LA area, come to my monthly show at the Improv,

Two Doors Down. Will Smith is going to be there. I think he's going to show up. Will Smith started a comedy, and I'm pretty sure he's going to. I think he's going to show up. Will Smith started a comedy, and I'm pretty sure he's going to. I think he's going to drop in. Fucking Will Smith. He said, I'm hooked.

We were talking about it with our Uber driver last night. She was cracking up. Anyway. Our Uber driver lived in Nigeria for seven years. What was she doing there? She didn't say. Yeah, we didn't really say. It's weird to live in Nigeria in the middle of your life for seven years.

She wasn't from there. She went back to Nigeria, then came to Vegas for four months. Yeah, four months. Oh, my gosh. This scam artist is written all over it. Then came to LA. Now she's in LA. She's here.

Yeah, she scams people. She is a hustler. Yeah. For sure. She's wild. And now she's driving Uber. She's got our information. Where are the millions you made in Nigeria?

They're in an offshore account. She's got a laundromat. She's emailing people about it. Emailing people like, hey, I got a business opportunity. She's in an offshore account. She's got a laundromat. She's emailing people about it. Emailing people like, hey, I got a business opportunity. They're in an account, but she needs your help. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. To access it. She needs my numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she'll be able to get her money out. She'll cut you in. She calls it

the Taekwondo deal. 40%. And then 15% pure concentrated power will bring her to get that money in your account. Come to Two Doors Down, right? Oh, yes.

I also have a new show downtown at Proof Rock Pizza twice a month. Really? October 1st, October 15th. Pizza shop. Yes. Tight. Well, it's right next to the Regent.

It's great. Great venue. That sounds great. Very fun. Let's see. End of the month, I'll be in Fresno and Bakersfield with Tom Segura. Bummer. She's back home. Fresno

your girl's back. He knows which cities to bring me to. I'm gonna bring that hard ass motherfucker Amy to Fresno. Go to your home Miller. Go to your home Miller. Go home Miller. Please come to those unless you're one of my cousins.

Please don't come to that. They're going to come. They listen. They all will be there. And then wait. I feel like I'm in Portland soon. Oh, with Greg Proops. He'll and I'll be in Portland.

Nice. Beautiful. When are you in Portland? I think the second weekend in October. Ooh. Greg Proops. I'll be there. Oh. October.

Just hanging out? Like the 12th, 13th. Oh, never mind. I won't be there. You'll be there the first week. Oh, third weekend. Oh, third weekend. I'll be there just. You'll be there the first week. Oh, third weekend. Oh, third weekend. Yeah.

I'll be there just kicking around Elisa Carmel's 30th birthday. Yuck, yuck, yuck. God, she's awesome. Almost as many decades as she has advanced degrees. Damn, that's buck. Yeah, we'll just be hanging out.

Quite an angel. Turning 30. Seriously. Got the DJ lined up. Am I going to be busting out some moves on the dance floor? Yes.

You have to. Hard yes. Yeah, yeah. Am I going to be singing over the moves on the dance floor? Yes. You have to. Hard yes. Yeah, yeah. Am I gonna be singing over the music? Real loud? Do it. To the point where my mom has to be like, all right, this is not your night.

This is not your night. Ian, this isn't when you had your night. We talked about this. In a very loving way. Yeah, yeah. That might happen. Ian, you went to the Emmys. Yeah.

Am I gonna have two glasses of wine and two lavashes? Like, you know, double cupping? Now what's a lavash? A lavash is like a rolled up sort of a, it's like a pastry with some meat and then like maybe there's a pickle in there. Okay. Oh, that means cheese? Like flatbread.

That's what that's called. Okay. With like dots in it. Yeah. You roll it. Yeah. Like a burrito. I love burritos. I fucking love

I do too. Rolled up foods. That would be well, that'd be a good draft. Rolled up foods would be a good draft. Watch me write it down. Could be another food truck. You can roll up all kinds of shit. I love when people roll up once. Rolled up shit just in general? Okay, yeah. Roll it down.

We might have to audible the next one. So people can see you there. I'm Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Uber. At Ian Carmel. On Juber.

On Juber, bro. On Juber. Jailer. I drive for Juber. That's what you say to everyone when you pick them up. This is actually Juber. And then I turn up a tradition reel on. Day and night must end on a living.

Now you are, you're Jewish though, yeah? 100% bar mitzvah and everything. Okay, all right. Bang. I thought so. I couldn't be sure. Yuck, yuck. What do you got coming up?

What do I got coming up? Oh, coming to the 10,000 Last Comedy Festival. Please do. And so with that, there's going to be a couple tickets at the door. But I'll tell you, if you're driving in from out of town, tweet at us or email us. I'll just pull you in and say that you're on the show. Honestly.

It's a bold claim that you're making. We'll see what the fireman says. It is a bold claim. Remember that Sean Jordan was the one who told you to drive from Chicago. All right. Sorry. I'm not young. Cash money is a car me better than a Navy.

I may have been a little too bold. Just like your father. I'm not on the festival, but I will be outside scalping tickets. Yeah. She bought them all up. Just as a side hustle. That's a new side hustle. Making way more money than us on it.

Well, we're doing stand-up, though, too. Yes, we are. So those are not sold out. I got a show called Hot Dish with Ian Carmel that I'm looking at right now. I got a show, I think, called Sober Not Sober. And I'll tell you what. We could just call it Not Sober Not Sober. Both Ahmed Weinberg and Ahmed Baroucha are on it.

Oh, the A-team. That's a good lineup. The A-team, dude. Some guy named Ron Taylor from Beverly Hills, California. That's pretty funny. No, I don't live in Los Angeles. I actually live in Beverly Hills.

Weezer wrote a song about it. I'm also going to try to, I'm going to, yes, I did. It was called El Scorcho. Fun little. Ian and I will be at the Mall of America

and at Fifth Element. Yes. Looking at Element. Yes. Looking at vinyl. Yes. Looking at vinyl? Are you guys getting into vinyl? No, but I always go there and act like I am because I want Slug to be there one day

and be like... I have these crazy fantasies about atmosphere. I want Slug to see me thumbing through vinyl and start talking to me about records. That happened to me with Fat Lip once. Well, he didn't talk to me. It for real happened? Yeah, at Delicious Vinyl.

I was in there looking at shit and then this guy was playing Fat Lip once. Well, he didn't talk to me. It for real happened? Yeah, at Delicious Vinyl. I was in there looking at shit, and then this guy was playing Fat Lip beats over the speaker system. Wow. Yeah. And I was like, what up, Fat Lip? And he was like, I don't like it when people do that. He didn't say I'm cool? Yeah.

Really? No, but I was like. Yeah. It was like a Memphis Bleak situation. Bleak! Bleak! Bleak! He loved it.

That was so sick. Mall of America has a good hotak situation. Bleak! Bleak! He loved it. That was so sick. Mall of America has a good hot sauce store. Yes, they do. They have a fucking peanut butter store. They have a beanbag store. Legoland. We might go on a fucking roller coaster. They got a Hooters.

We'd go to a movie. Telling you. You just slipped Hooters right in there real quick. Yeah, I did. They have one. They have one. It's crazy. Sean, you're in a show in Wisconsin.

Not anymore. The neighboring city of Eau Claire? Not anymore. They changed it. Oh, at the Plus? I've been to Wisconsin. I was supposed to, but they switched it. Oh. I was supposed to fly in, hop right on a bus, and go to Eau Claire, however you say it. Eau Claire.

Eau Claire is nice. Yeah, I believe that. That's a fun show. I met the comfort of a young woman in Eau Claire once. Oh, yeah. Eau Claire? That's what I said. Eau Claire!

My name's Sabrina. Well, the name's not Eau Sabrina. Well, you live in the wrong town. Speaking of Claire's, but not having sex with them, how fun was it to see fucking Claire O'Kane? Oh, she's the best, dude. Are you freaking kidding? We went skating. People moved from Denver. Oh, she's the best, dude. You forget? We went skating. People move from Denver.

Oh, yeah. This was like a two, three week ago. Shout out. But like, it was just like shit. People move and you're like, oh, yeah, this person's dope. So just like a random shout out to Claire O'Kane. We went skating. She was always down to chill at the pool.

Because I was just like, let's just go sit outside at the pool and like just exist. And she's like, yeah. Too bad she's so ugly. And such a bitch. You hear that, you little piece of shit? It's okay. We started together. I'm a big sis.

She was a child when we started. You hear that, you little piece of shit? I used to sneak her into bars. Really? Yeah, she wasn't old enough to get into bars. Wow, like Phil Schallberger. Seriously, dude, that guy. 17, waiting out of the boiler room.

Got on his knees and go, I'm John Man Man. John Man Man. Looking at this woman's vagina. Denver, dude. Pivotal weekend. Pivotal weekend. So fun. So many buddies.

So many buddies. Seriously, it was dank. And without Bridgetown this year, it was much needed. For real. Had to happen. We took a hard turn huh I was just saying like the comedy festival

had to happen no it had to happen yeah absolutely I'm just saying Denver pivotal oh yeah big yeah me and Amy

stole a bunch of shit yeah I did everyone should stop saying things that we've done before oh okay Shane uh

Shigadoo passed out Shigadoo the biggest cranberry passed out with Friday night lights on his laptop and I got back to the hotel

like six and I just watched it over his shoulder until his computer died and then I was like alright I'll go to bed it was like God bless both of you

I was like holy buckets God bless both of you I was gonna watch it for a second anyways on my computer I was already playing on his La fruta grande

con la computadora. How do you say, como se dice lights? Las luces. So las luces de viernes? Is that Friday? No. Noche? Viernes?

Noche de viernes? I only remember. Sábado y domingo. Sábado, vieringo. Sábado. Viernes. Yeah, Viernes. Oh, you're right. Yeah.

So. Las luces de Viernes. Viernes noche. Con la fruta grande. Viernes. Oh, yeah. Solo para la burracho, muchacho. No tiene, ¿cómo se dice? Headphones?

For real. In the next bet, he still wouldn't put his headphones on. Muy, muy borracho. Muy borracho y muy muchacho. Shentores y el otro llama es el borracho muchacho. This is fun. It is fun, right? I like this one.

Yeah, this is how we're going to all get. And then after this is all over, we're going to be bilingual. It's going to be great. How did you learn Spanish? Well, I'll tell you. Thank God Shane sucks so bad. He just texted me like an hour ago, I love you. We love him.

We FaceTimed him from the bar last night. Yeah, we did. Yeah. Good move, right? Good move. Thank you. I'm sure he loved it. Oh, great. Oh my god. I thought one of you died. Yeah. I thought one of y'all died. Oh, Mui Bien.

Oh, Tom Grande. Mui Bien. Mui Bien. Oh, tan grande. Muy bien. Yo conozco quien amigos conti. Something like that. Y'all ever champu y novia? There's the shampoo and girlfriend joke. Those are the only words I know out of that. Champu is shampoo and novia is girl. Y' words I know out of that. Shampoo is shampoo

and novia is girl. Sure, sure, sure. Y'all ever oosar a little shampoo that's who novia? The ginger! I've never oosar. You like it?

That's better than you would speak to. Good eats grill. Fort Worth Tejas. Fort Worth Tejas Fort Worth Tejas oh my gosh oh my gosh dude oh I love it but also speaking of Shane

I've been thinking about getting a denim jacket oh yeah oh yeah Shane's gotta give everyone permission you gotta get a Rough Riders denim jacket

though like like in early 2000s that would be crazy denim jackets in the country are like casinos and bars and things. Shane has to give you a license to get a denim jacket. I had to give him permission.

I was wearing denim before Shane. Yeah, Amy Miller's got the denim past. Shane wore denim diapers. Get that, they jeans. Cafieri es un bueno hombre. Shane invited him to those shows in San Diego. God, I hope he shows up. By the way, Shane's headlining American

Comedy Company in San Diego next weekend. If you're in San Diego, go. I will be there, guaranteed. And Zach will be there as well. I can't go? Please. No, it's too late now. The G can go. Yeah, the G won't be silent. You want to go? I might go. The G won't be there, but the G might be there. The G and the Jew. G, it's too late now. The G can go. Yeah, the G won't be silent. You want to go? I might go. The G won't be there, but the G might be there.

The G and the Jew. The G and the Jew. The G and the Jew. The G, it's a Jew. Shane's Jewish. Shane Weinstein. I never told anyone. Shane Tornstein.

Shane Torres-Weinstein. I wish I wouldn't have said Weinstein, but anyway. Oh, why? Because of Harvey Weinstein? Yeah, yeah. Well, he's got a brother who's not a creep. Yeah. There's a ton of Weinsteins who are creeps.

He's got a whole family of them. It's not like Hitler. There's a lot of other Weinsteins. J. Elvis? Yeah, J. Elvis. There's probably a lot of other Hitlers, too. Not anymore. Ian killed them all.

He went over there. Me and an elite team of Israeli operatives. Jousting. Yeah, jousting. Pretend your honor! He'd walk up and he'd go 40% hands. 60% feet. You want the mausoleum or the top?

Yeah, which one? You want the first night of Hanukkah or the last night of Hanukkah? The mausoleum at the top! Which one? Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur? You pick, buddy. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, we have fun.

Yeah. I hope everyone had a good fast on Yom Kippur, and I'm speaking directly to the four of you. I did. I know you fasted. I did. We are gathered here today in beautiful HeadGum Studios. Just a sparrow's first flight from a... What's it called?

I am so... Skid Rizzle, dude. Skid Rizzle. Yeah, Skid Row. Skiddle Row. God. Not... You forgot what Skid Row was called?

Skid Row was called, yeah. It's right there. We can see it. We can see it. You're looking at it. Yeah. That's why you forgot it. We're very close to it.

Listen, I'm on camera and I'm nervous, dude. Yeah. Nervous. I don't... I keep looking at it. I know. When I'm on camera, my'm nervous, dude. Yeah. Nervous. I don't. I keep looking at it. I know. When I'm on camera, my hand shakes, obviously.

It's shaking. That's where I learned about myself. My hand. My hand. Is steady. Is steady. A man can be an artist in anything. Food, art.

True story. Sean Jordan's art. Oh, shit. Right? Okay, yeah. A man can be an artist in anything. Food, art. Sean Jordan's art is the DTs.

And he's about to paint his masterpiece. Painted it, dude. P, art. Sean Jordan's art is the DTs. And he's about to paint his masterpiece. Painted it, dude. This is my dad trying to ash a cigarette over here. Anyway. We're gathered here to draft All Fantasy Everything. Which is crazy. It's our 100th episode.

Sorry about last week, by the way. I don't appreciate the guilt trips. They're all loving. I know they're all loving, but they're like, oh shit. I don't appreciate the guilt trips. Yeah, guys. They're all loving. I know they're all loving. They're like, oh, shit. Yeah. Like, I get it. Sometimes we have bad weeks, too.

Yeah. You know? Well, and it was scheduling and like everyone was busy as shit and like a lot of traveling and it just it. You're right. Like, you don't want to rush this. You don't want to. You don't want to put something out when you're like bummed or whatever or like you just want

a night to chill. Just exhausted. You want to take a Saturday, have a fucking Saturday and chill out, and then do this. Oh, we're going to have a Saturday. We're going to have a Saturday. I mean, we've been sitting here for an hour, and I've been laughing my- I was holding four Emmys, all right? Yeah.

Holding them. Yeah, yeah. Heavy, right? Heavy. Heavy, heavy, heavy. They are very heavy, actually. Are they golden? Very, Derrison.

I don't know if they're gold all the way through. I don't think they're pure, but they're plated. None of them are virgins. What do you think a real Emmy would run you at the pawn shop? Depends on for what show. If you found an Emmy at the pawn shop, you pay whatever they're asking. But, I mean, what do you think you could pawn an Emmy for? Oh.

This is like I'm making future future plays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'll take one from the show and find out. A thousand bucks. Just like you make a thousand. That would actually be a fun bit for the show is to have James go to different pawn shops with one of the Emmys. That would be funny.

That would be really funny. Watch that fucking Predator sketch. Oh, yeah. It is hilarious, dude. The little Predator sketch. Predator in the real world. Is that the one with Bronger? Yeah, Bronger's in it.

Friend of the podcast, Matt Bronger. Matt Bronger. Shut up, Matt. Big old donger. Big old donger. Big old fat donger, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that Predator sketch

is hilarious. Predator in the real world, trying to get other roles. It's genius. James Corden, putting on a master class. It's so tight, dude. It's so tight.

We're gathered here today to draft all fantasy everything. Yeah, we are. We've done 99 episodes up until now. This is the 100th one. This is the big one. The two of you have been

on board for most of them. Amy, you've been on board for a sizable amount. I've been here for all of them. You have? Super producer Marissa's been here for probably most of them. Hell yeah. How did you come aboard? Yeah, yeah.

How did I come aboard? No, when did you come aboard? I think it was roughly episode 2025-ish. Roughly episode 2025-ish is what she said. You've been crushing it. In the studio and on the mic. Yeah. We were talking about that the other day.

Like when you got... Because it just... Kind of one day we're like, holy shit, Marissa fucking rules. And then you were talking about that the other day. Because it just... One day we were like, holy shit, Marissa fucking rules. And then you were just all the time... Yeah. You had a chance to say that stuff on the draft of Canadians and you didn't. I did. I took John Candy.

I'm sorry. He had the very first pick. I had the second pick. John Candy. Then I rolled him with the right answer. He did. I'm sorry. I had the second pick. John Candy. Yeah. Then I rolled him with the right answer. You did. I'm sorry. Super Bruce Marissa. Everybody, I'm sorry.

Ian was right. She was the right pick. John Candy's dang. We're going to leave the cameras rolling, and we're going to hold you down while she just beats you up. Awful waffle. Whatever the fuck that even was. They never actually showed what it was. You knew the awful waffle.

Do you know what that is? It's from Salute Your Shorts. Oh. No, I don't know what it is. Yeah, you know. It's in Salute Your Shorts. Don't they just put syrup on your what it is. Yeah, you know. It's in Salute Your Shorts. Don't they just put syrup on your belly and slap it

or something? Is that like an ooky cookie? Truffle butter. An ooky cookie is where you No, it's like a soggy biscuit. Ew. Oh, it is? No, it is not.

Yeah, it is. It's not in Salute Your Shorts, David. Me a biscuit. Yeah, they had You're telling me in Salute Your Shorts they all went and jacked off on that kid.

That's crazy. Ooky cookie. You don't remember hazing? Yeah. We never did that. I've. You don't remember hazing? Yeah. We never did that. I've never been in fucking Rikers, dude. I told him,

I wore that blue shirt for another 10 just to prove a point. It's from Chappelle's show, but it's the funniest line in that show. Now, we're here to draft

All Fantasy Ever. The way we determine the order of that draft is with a rollicking game of rock paper scissors. Oh, look at David getting ready. Played between the four of us. Hold on, hold on game of rock, paper, scissors. Oh, look at David getting ready. Play between the four of us.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait a minute. Hold on, wait a minute. Wait a minute. The four of us. Oh, shit. Look at this. I'm jumping back in.

Oh, shit. He goes, oh, shit. He goes, wait a minute. Wait, how's this going to work? You missed it the first time. The four of us. So, all right. How's this going to work? Everybody stop after your first throw, and four of us. So, all right. How is this going to work?

Everybody stop after your first throw and we'll figure it out. All right. Taylor. What? Huh? Oh, she's filming. Uh-oh. Yeah, yeah.

This is a historic occasion. I don't even know how we're going to work it out. I have no idea. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I have no idea. But there's no way for it to work out because there's four of us. It doesn't make sense. It'll work out.

What are you? You can't just say that. I think it's going to work out. I think it'll work out. I doesn't make sense. It'll work out. You can't just say that. I think it's going to work out. I think it'll work out. I agree with Sean. All right. Okay. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Worked out. So the two scissors play again. What? So we're both out. The two scissors play again. We both play again. Right?

I smashed you both. Fuck you. You're out. But I cover you. So I win. See? How did you think this was going You're out But I cover you So I win See How did you think This was gonna work out

Why were you so confident You guys weren't so combative It would have worked out No it wasn't No it wasn't There's no way to do this Rules late in the game like that Oh man

Let's do it again You guys both cut Here's how it is Any duplicates are out Okay Duplicates are out Duplicates are out Here we go

Rock, paper, scissors Shoot Oh Amy wins She won That time it did work out Okay. Duplicates are out. Duplicates are out. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh. Amy wins. Amy wins. It didn't work out. That time it did work out.

It did work out. Lose it, baby. You won with the advanced rules and you won with traditional rules? I won everything. Yeah, you just won. That was like a fucking Golden State Warriors sweep. That's my Emmy. Yeah. Okay.

That's your Emmy? Tell this at the motherfucking pawn shop. Dog. Down here at the pawn shop why did you all do paper it's a lime I don't know

weird because we're about that paper great minds think alike I'm trying to be paid in full yeah dude David watches that

once a month I started it sober the other day I was like no no no it's on Netflix you gotta get real high yeah no no no no no I did get real high day. I was like, no, no, no, no. It's on Netflix now. You got to get real high. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I did get real high. And then I got stuck watching YouTube videos and then fell asleep on the couch. I was having a traditional Thursday. I couldn't do anything about it. Sean! I'm getting sick! I'm stuck! Sean, I want some potato salad again.

James Smith is just in a chillin'. It's a good... I want some potato salad again. Zach, Sean. Zach. Sean. Zach just perks up a 24-hour and throws the dumbbell and runs home. He needs me.

Have you ever actually gotten stuck sleeping though? I've got sleep paralysis a couple times where I'm awake and I can't move. Well, you know what that is. I had night terrors because my mom's boyfriend broke in when I was five years old. No, I've heard. Sad piano? A little sad piano music? Sad piano.

And then the sound of a window breaking and my mom being like get the fuck out of here, Bob No, don't No, no, don't No, no, don't, please Yeah, yeah They play that in my dad's funeral

I hate that song Oh, I'm sorry Oh, no, it's fine Yakety Sax? Yakety Sax? The song Yakety Sax? Yeah Don't go back

Right now Take out the papers and the trash That's a different song But that one's good, too. Oh, okay. Oh, you won't get no spending cash. What is that? That's Yackety Yack. Yackety Sax is...

You chase people. And then like, now I have some dynamite. Right. That's what happened when you took the buffalo wing from that guy at the roots. What if somebody just played that? Hooger and Wingate. A father.

A friend. A lover. A leader. Yep. Ian Carmel. There he is. In this scenario I have children.

Uh huh. Fifteen of them. Yep. Yeah if you're gonna do it do it big. What will the order of the draft be? Stepchildren. Me?

Yeah. Well, what kind of... David? It's a... It took a long time. Me and Sean. Oh. Oh, you want to play anchor.

Sticking me in the middle on my own podcast on the 100th anniversary. Good. 100th anniversary the 100th anniversary. Good. 100th anniversary. 100th anniversary. Well, all right. One episode a year. All right,

fantastic. Amy Miller, super producer, Marissa, when should we take that break? Now? With the first pick in the all fantasy everything,

all fantasy, what kind of draft? Oh, shit. Oh, damn. I even cleared my throat. I even go, I go. I think that what happened was the rock, paper, scissors, and the cameras, all of the lights.

It's just a lot going on. What type of draft is it? That's an excellent question. It's a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? That's an excellent question, too. Shit, we're fucking it all up. I'll tell you this. I mean, leave it all in. I'll tell you this. it's a serpentine wrap and what does that mean? that's an excellent question too shit fucking it all up

I'll tell you this leave it all in I'll tell you this it's just for you two Amy if you don't know it's like if you were to walk outside of the roost last night

and you have a lift coming and you kind of look down I walked out like a god damn gentleman alright Sean Jordan left he couldn't keep his eyes open

I announced the bounce he announced the bounce got up and left. And I was like, all right, cool. I'll hang out for a little while longer. I went to the bathroom. Half an hour later, guess who comes sauntering in to that swing and door saloon of a restaurant they got in there? It was Sean Jordan.

And I was like, what are you still doing here? He ran into some guy, some- A dude that works for Vice. A dude that works for Vice. I was outside bumping gums with this dude that was an EP on King of the Road. King of the Road. He loves you. I was trying to explain this idea for a show that I have.

Yeah. Doing a poor job, I'll tell you. Oh, no. Listen, it was fun, though. It was all in force. He's looking at me. Words falling out of your mouth like Scrabble tablets. Seriously.

You were for sure drinking and blinking. Yeah. Five shots. When after a couple too many shots of holy water I've been known to blink a little bit. Yeah.

Well you talked to God after that many shots of holy water. I did. I walked out in the middle of Los Feliz Boulevard and I go you coward and I looked up at the sky.

Fight me. So if you are waiting for your lift and you kind of look to the left and you don't see it so you look to the right and you don't see it but you're like oh there's headlights so you kind of look to the left and you don't see it so you look to the right and you don't see it

but you're like oh there's headlights so you kind of look to the right again and then you're like that's not a lift that's a stretch that's a stretch hummer

that's a Del Taco that's a gas station that's a shopping cart I miss me all the time then you look back over to the left and you're like is that a lift

it's not and then you look again and you're like that's a golf course then you look back to the right is that my lift and then you're like it's not actually that's the mall it and you're like, that's a golf course. Then you look back to the right. Is that my lift? And then you're like,

it's not actually. That's the mall. It's a Best Buy. It's Amy's house. Amy's house, yeah. So yeah, it's like that. Okay, yeah. Basically what it means

is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Now, that's a tie. Now finally, with the first pick

in the all fantasy everything, all fantasy everything, Amy all fantasy, everything. Amy Miller will make this pick right after the short break. And we're back. All right. Amy Miller, you have the first pick in the all fantasy, everything, all fantasy, everything. I feel like after that break, my brain is back on track. Yeah.

Refreshed. I'm in the pocket. I'm ready to draft. Dude, I'm so fucking stoked. So I don't think My brain can go off track Until about five o'clock When we go to dinner When dinner's my first meal

Of the day Five o'clock on the dot I'm in my drop top Cruisin' the streets U-S-H-E-R-R-A-Y-M-O-N-D Now baby tell me What you wanna do with me Gonna take you to

Please Let's be quiet God we should hit The Outback I'm so Pull up It's right by Anticip should hit the Outback. I'm so excited. Pull up. It's right by the fucking. Anticipating.

The Outback. Garlic butter. I'll tell you what's right by the Outback. In a pan full of bacon. I got plans to put my ranch in place. I'll never see you. Oh, man. I'm going to put ranch everywhere.

Yes. I'll tell you put ranch everywhere. Yes. I'll tell you, Outback's right by Becky's birthday that will be already done when this comes out, so nobody can actually go. Aha! The electric music. Aha! That's true. Aha!

Aha! Amy, it's time for your first pick. Oh, well, Sean, you're going to love this one. What? Am I going to cry? My first pick, this moment. Damn, I was going to take it. This moment. That was going to be my first pick.

With friends, people I love. Yep. Marissa. Yeah. Saturday afternoon. You're right. You're right. Got a cold brew.

Cold briskies. You know, 100th episode. Seriously. Yeah. Cheers to you guys. Oh, man. And our beautiful friendships. Cheers.

This moment. on this moment. This is a song I just wrote about it. Cheers to everybody. Cheers to you all. Cheers. As my good friends the Australians say, I'm L'Chaim. L'Noim.

No, I was going to pick that. I knew you were going to pick it. For real. So the city is the most stressed I've ever been in to pick it. For real. I mean, this... So, this city is the most stressed I've ever been in my whole life. The last two years have been crazy. And this podcast, it eases all that. I mean, this makes me feel like I'm doing something in this city.

Like, I haven't really done anything. I haven't done, like, a late night show or anything like that. You haven't even done a kickflip. I've done plenty of fucking kickflips. Go to Terrace 9. Go to the Terrace 9 stairflips. Go to the Terrace 9 stair, bro. Go to the Terrace 9 stair. In LA, you've done a kickflip? Third person to kickflip Terrace 9.

Yeah, I've done kickflips in LA. I've done 360 flips in LA. I've done crooked grinds, bro. I've done treflips. Nollie back lips. That's because you're a sucker, bro. Christ Air, Christ Air 900s. For real, this is why

this makes me feel like I belong in LA doing this show. And, you know, it's amazing that we're all here and we get to do it. You belong in LA and you belong in our hearts,

Sean Jordan. No, but that's an amazing pick. For real. I picked it for you. This is a nice moment. I know you love that kind of dumb shit. I'm almost crying.

I mean, I'm for real, I'm almost crying. It doesn't help that I'm hungover and I'm emotional. It's wild that we have, I mean, I'm for real, I'm almost crying. It doesn't help that I'm hung over and I'm emotional. It's wild that we, I mean, we've made it, it's a hundred episodes.

That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a significant thing. That's a hundred episodes and it's our podcast. So that's about 2,000 hours of, we made it.

And to you, Seabear and Jamal never made it that far. Specifically to you, thank you for having us on. Oh, yeah. I mean, for making us a part of it. Dude, you're adding stuff.

Oh, all right, all right. Sorry, sorry. All right. What if I start crying? This moment. Yeah, yeah, all right. This moment. This moment.

There we go. This moment. You can't be out of shit. Wearing wild clothes. That's all we have. Marissa brought fucking donuts. Yep. Oh, I'm going to cram one.

That I keep forgetting to grab. I'm going to cram one after this. I got these pink shoes because of this podcast. Ken fucked it. Seriously. Stop fucking shit. I swear to God, Sean. She didn't pick all fantasy.

I didn't need to. All right. Yeah, man. All right. Sorry. Shit. This moment. Yeah, this moment.

This moment. This moment. You're going to get to gush for the next hour. I'm not talking about the past. Be present. All right. Lock it up. Fucking prick.

We don't know what the future holds. All we have is this. Yes. Right now. Bandana. Live in the now. Yeah. The now.

Now. Live in the now. Right now. Pretty sure it's not. Right now. Miller. La Croix. La Croix.

La Croix. Now. La Croix is with the boys. Yeah. Make a noise. With toys. Yeah Croix's with the boys. Yeah. Making noise with toys. Yeah. Poised. Poised, yeah.

Some are Jews, some are goys. Yeah. I've learned so much this year. Sitting with a queen like Claire Foy. Yeah. Oh. About to hang out with Mike Malloy. Mike Malloy.

Noy. Do you have bad pics? No, doy. Who's a boy? He's a strong boy. No,oyed. No, you have bad picks? No, do it. Who's a boy? He's a strong boy. No, do it. Oh, man.

My pick. I'm just really worried Sean's going to read all this shit. No, I'm not. I'm not. I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson. I apologize. My first pick of the all fantasy everything is the dates. The dates.

When people say the dates, I was really thinking about it. I've known so many people that we have on here for years, and I've known everybody before we had dates. Before it was like, so like to hear my friends come on and be like, I'm going to be here and I'm going to be there. And like, it's just like, I'm always like, we're fucking doing it. Yeah, right? I met you, and it was all street vodka and backpack chicken.

Hey, who's saying moments now, motherfucker? Backpack chicken was an AFV. We're not drafting Fresno. I can have foundation for AFV. I got backpack chicken on my list. How do you have backpack chicken on your list? Because it's a special moment in our lives

that led us here. You guys were in a hip hop duo called Street Vodka and Backpack Chicken. Who is who? Where does the backpack chicken come up? We know exactly who.

Yeah, we do. I feel like you guys could sort of like a relationship where there's not one dom and one sub. It's just like an effortless.

Sometimes I'm street chicken and she's backpack vodka. When you guys were together, there wasn't really one person who wore the sweatpants in that relationship. No, we got in the same pair. Because of the elastic. I was strictly dresses at the time. Well, I'm sorry for saying that. That's okay. I love you still.

I love you too. It's just so many people. And I think about when I first met all these people who have been in my life for so long. And it's like we're all here in LA on the track doing the thing we always wanted to do. So every time people say

dates, I'm like just really thankful. It's so fly that it's happening. We used to sit around at breakfast and talk about it. You know, like in Portland. Seriously. Soaking up the last night's street vodka. Yeah. Or backpack vodka. I used to just feel like I was going to shit my pants and we were doing three minutes,

you know? You used to have stage fright. And now I'm like, 60 minutes people are listening to this shit. That's awesome. It's so cool. We'd be at Fire in the Mountain and it looked like a fucking blue cheese bomb just went off at our table and we're just like, man, we're going to do this for real one day. Another nice man, blue cheese bomb. Blue cheese bomb. The blue cheese bomber table and we're just like man we're gonna do this for real one day another man blue cheese bomb blue cheese bomber dude blue cheese bomber yeah i just i'm i love it

though it is it's cool because you're like i mean now we are now our generation is doing it you know we were like waiting so long to get in the game and now we're all like in the game and it's happening and we were watching people like sean patton especially oh god and being like i can't we can never we can't do this he's doing something else yeah yeah yeah he's too good at this yeah and then we're good now we're good at it it's crazy good at it yeah so yeah dates is just it's i'm always really happy i like that that's a sleeper i didn't yeah i wouldn't have thought of that. That's fantastic. I'm thoughtful. You are. You're just going to pick 10 things now. Fuck you, dude.

Are we going to pick eggs? I'm touched. Put your shirt back on. Oh, wait. Shit. Shit. Don't make me fucking take it off. You might have to actually take your shirt off.

Because now we've got to practice. He tried last night at the Roost and I said no. Oh, that was so funny. Oh, yeah. What was it about? He did try and then he was just like, no, honey. There was no source or reason. It was just coming off?

Yeah. Your shirt was just coming off. It almost just came off just now. I had to stop for a second. He said, should I take my shirt off? And I said, no. I took it off eventually. I took it off at home and sat there for like an hour.

Well, yeah. Oh, man. I'm going to take off my pants. A lot of people are wondering if I had a Jack in the Box egg roll last night. Yeah, I did. I like them. You had egg rolls twice last night. We had them at the Roost, too.

Yeah, hell yeah. Double egg rolls. I love egg rolls. Yeah. I love egg rolls. I like the Jack in the Box ones. I do, too. They're good.

Give me a trash egg roll. Yeah, I don't get shit. I didn't drink last night. I felt terrible this morning. I didn't drink last night. No, you didn't. You didn't. He's just sitting here wearing best shirts and sunglasses for no reason.

Should I take this off, Subra? He was having a Tyrese night. No, he didn't. He's just sitting here wearing best shorts and sunglasses for no reason. Should I take this off, Subra? He was having a Tyrese night. Billionaire Boys Club. Crying on camera. The Dates. Excellent pick. The Dates. It's time for me to make my first pick.

I'm taking a whole episode. Okay. And it's big for two reasons. I'm taking episode eight of the All Fantasy Everything podcast. Okay. We drafted the mall. Shit. And it was the first appearance of At Sean S. Jordan and At the G is Silent on All Fantasy

Everything. Yeah, man. When we were all together. When we were all together. When the podcast released. And then you were on again like four episodes later. Yeah. And then I think from there it was kind of like off to the races.

The first time the podcast became what the podcast was going to be. Dude. Episode eight. That was crazy. Sean's crying in the camera. Yeah, I almost am. I remember the feeling afterwards of just being like, I didn't know what was going to happen, but I was like, whatever we just did was special.

Like, that was so fun to be a part of. I assume it's going to be fun to listen to. And the episodes before that, there were some pretty interesting ones. Just in case, just in case. But that's when it really hit its right. That's when I was like, oh, shit, this is like something. Because we'd been best friends for years before that. Thick as thieves.

Thick as thieves. We were friends. I remember you telling me about this at Bridgetown. Yes. You were like, I got this podcast, man. I want you to be like be on it a lot yeah i was like all right you told me too you're like i want david on this a lot yeah like way before i think before it even started honestly that was like that was way before that

yeah it was like yeah because i was trying to find places to do it and finally uh but um yeah but like anytime we'd had a conversation i was like that was such a fun conversation so it was like of course dav that was such a fun conversation. So I was like, of course, David's got to be on it, you know? And then we did it. The two of you were on together. I don't even know. I don't remember now if it was like a plan to be like.

I remember exactly what happened. So I was walking around the mall in Burbank. Yeah. The Burbank mall with the movie theater because I didn't have a fucking job and I would get bummed. So I go to malls because I love the mall. And we were trying to figure out what to draft. And I was in themed so I go to malls because I love the mall and we were trying to figure out what to draft and I was in the mall and I go to I think we're on a group tour and I was like David are you a

mall guy and then you texted you like let's draft the mall and I'm like yeah let's and then you were just like let's draft the fucking mall and that was exactly how it went I was looking for screws for one of the doors oh yeah for my bathroom door that's what I was doing I was in Searsars. I go, do you guys have screws?

They don't have screws. That's crazy. I didn't think I would have gone to the mall for tools. You don't have screws at Sears? It was wild to go to the mall for tools. I just wanted to go to the mall. I just wanted to go. I'm not out of here. Everybody, sit down. Everybody, sit down.

I'm going to stand up. My chair's going to break, dude. You can't see this. I've looped the footage in this room like the movie Speed. Yeah, it's like a bank robbery. So it looks like we all have our shirts on. We don't. Yeah, we're all. That's good.

We don't. We're fighting with Vaseline right now. I've got one of those Chinese New Year dragons, but it's real, like flying around my head right now. And he's just like. But it's real. He's just screaming Auntie Up in Mandarin. It sounds like Eddie Murphy.

Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. He's screaming ante up. I got two swords. I got one that was General Lee and one that was General Ulysses S. Grant. They're both on fire. And they're both drunk.

And they're both drunk. Weren't both those guys drunk? Yeah. I got two swords and they're called Bo and Luke Duke, bro. Bo and Luke Duke. I got Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. Which hazard you want. They're both hazardous. I just Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. Which hazard you want. They're both hazardous.

I just have a grenade and a stair on my face. Yeah. The grenade also has an intense... The grenade's making the same face. And the pin's just hanging from the ceiling. You gotta get some grenades, dudes. You can just... Oh, Zach's got a fucking grenade story.

I forget what it is, but it's like. Of course he does. Yeah. I don't know if he wants me to tell it. I'll leave it up to him. He briefly dated it. Zach has a grenade. He courted a grenade.

It broke his heart. Broke his little heart. I don't know if the gym. Episode eight, the mall. It was the first time you guys, and it wouldn't, I mean, like, it probably would have been like a massively successful podcast anyway, because i'm charming and a genius yeah and uh i'm at the gym every day yeah yeah nominated for an emmy but no you leave me nothing to say but uh what else is there to say i mean you said it all the whole 100% everything yeah yeah

true story uh summer jam you got summer jams and then with like Amy too, you know, but we'll get to that kind of stuff later. But just the episode with the two of you, it wouldn't be all fantasy everything. No way, man. I agree. It is a flimsy reason for us to explore our friendship every week. It's so great. It's so like. Yeah.

I'm not going to. I feel like. Yeah, I know. Whenever we get too close to other people. I know, I know. I know it, I know it, I know it. I know, I know, I know. I came into this with Sean being one of my best friends

and now I feel like you're one of my best friends too. It's beautiful. I love you guys because of episode eight. That's why it happened. And then another thing that happened on the first time of episode eight was St. Sue Carmel being mentioned. Was that the first time? Yes. No way. Sainthood. Nice, mentioned. I thought episode eight was the first time.

No way. Sainthood. It was the introduction of sainthood. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. That was the day she was canonized. That was the day she was canonized. The white smoke. She's the best, dude. Yeah, so the Maul episode. There we have it. Sean, it is time for your first pick

and your second pick as well as it is. First pick is going to be the listeners. I'm drafting listeners, people who listen to this show. I mean, I've never in my whole life thought anyone was – in the back of my mind, I kind of thought maybe somebody would give a shit about something I did eventually in my life, but it's crazy going – and I don't want to get too, but just having people listen and appreciate this is astonishing.

It is nuts. I've never interacted with people like that before. Seriously, it's crazy, and thank you. Bless all of your hearts for listening. You realize you're all the big pansles on you when you draft the listeners. Every time you just put another week's worth of gas in his tank right there. I love gas a lot. I feel like he's like.

He doesn't need any gas. I feel like he's somewhere in the back of a grease monkey huffing gas. Listen to this right now. Just happy as hell. Doesn't know what day it is. Might not know what year it is. Just wearing some kind of a jumpsuit. Doesn't even know his pants was on.

He's like, his pants was on, you guys. Sounds cool. He's looking at his own Instagram like man I'm wearing the same shit as this guy in every one of these photos I hope he never

outs himself I do too yeah I never want to know I only want to know the myth I hope it's somebody close to the close to the circle

oh shit what if it's what if it's Zach whoa what if it is Zach we just bust in one day he's got eight layers of pants on

don't look at me I'm playing Frontier I me! I'm flying frontier. I'm sorry. I'm playing frontier. I'm just buying a plane ticket. Why is he Mickey Mouse? Zach is Mickey Mouse. Oh, hi.

Oh, hi, I'm Zach Toscani. A whole alter ego. Oh, hey, Sean. My pants look like lasagna. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Some of you listeners are fucking maniacs, by the way. We love you for it, as we are also maniacs. Zach would be like lasagna. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Some of you listeners are fucking maniacs, by the way. We love you for it, as we are also maniacs. Zach would be shoes lasagna. Holy shoes. He would be shoes lasagna. Dude loves his shoes. You've come out to shows and gone drink for drink with us on a couple of occasions. You bought me bottles of liquor.

Yeah. Backpack liquor. Backpack, yeah. Gifts. People bring gifts. Turns into airport liquor in the morning. It's a problem. Also, the listeners are the only people who go to Reddit not to call me a cunt.

Yeah. They say nice things. Do people call you a cunt on Reddit? Oh, yeah. I don't know how Reddit works. That's all it's for. Except for with these listeners who are sweet and they use it for good. Our listeners love you.

Yeah. I don't want to go on Reddit if that's what's going on. Oh, it's a who are sweet and they use it for good. Our listeners love you. Yeah. I don't want to go on Reddit if that's what's going on. I only go to our Reddit. Yeah. Yeah. I don't use Reddit at all. Doug loves movies. Reddit's also really nice.

Oh, I bet it's nice. Yeah. To me. Not to Jacob Searoff. Because he's a prick. He doesn't deserve it. So, yeah. Yeah.

You guys are angels. Yeah. Thanks for coming to shows keep coming and truly when you come to shows that means we can keep doing them yeah

yeah David and I did that tour what was it four or five days notice literally on a couple of those shows yeah and everybody

you guys filled the seats it was so bad and you know what that's like also fuck you to a lot of comedy club bookers that I enjoy where it's like

who are you again? Oh, we have fans. And we planned this shit with four days and sold it out. Like, you don't have to book based on whatever you've been booking. Social media. Same old dusty old crusty dudes once a year. Dusty roll out. Somebody's still touring off a Letterman credit.

Some guy named the Jalapeno Man or some shit. Jalapeno Man. You know what I'm still touring off of Letterman credits. Some guy named the Jalapeno Man or some shit. Jalapeno Man. You know what I'm talking about. I do know exactly who you're talking about. I was on Chelsea Lately for a year. Yeah. And that's when I became a headliner because it was like, oh, you know, people watch the show and they'll come out to see you. And people did come out to see you.

People did come out to see you. And like some of them were very cool and some of them were of them were... Because I was not really a good fit. It wasn't your crowd. It's not my crowd. Right. And it was always weird. You'd go to the punchline in San Francisco, and you'd be like, this is going to be fucking tight. It's San Francisco.

The city's full of cool people. And you'd go out, and it would be mostly people who saw you from Chelsea lately. And you're up there. and it would be mostly people who saw you from Chelsea lately and you're like up there. I'm doing like a joke where I scream about a particular cheeseburger

in like a weird like, fucking like, oh, who's the, God, I'm blanking on the name. Gilbert Gottfried. The Hamburglar? From the Thriller video. Vincent Price.

But they're narrating it. Vincent Price. Oh, yeah. Yelling about the Juicy Lucy in like a Vincent Price voice and they're like, I thought he was gonna talk about Kim Kardashian, you know? Yeah, and they're like i thought he was gonna talk about kim kardashian you know yeah yeah i thought he was gonna talk about pop culture yeah and so like to have the people like you know who we are and you fuck with

us based on who we are it's so fucking awesome i've never had somebody come up and be like that your comedy wasn't what i expected and that's like we're so lucky to have that you know what i mean like yeah they laugh and show up it just lights the fire so much harder when when you know that like if people are there because they they want to hear what you have to say and you're just like you're gonna hear it i can't wait people might not know this about being a stand-up comedian but like even when you become a headliner and even if you sell a lot of tickets it can be like terrifying sometimes because you're like these people don't know me. Well, right.

If people are like – They don't know what I'm about to talk or what my comedic aesthetic even is. I'm going to like the comedy show. But I'm just talking about even headlining. Like going out and like – Yeah, yeah. Whether you're just like your book because you're a comedian to fill time for that weekend. Right.

And it's like – it's a cool feeling because you're headlining. But it's also like terrifying because you're like, these people fucking – they might not fuck with me at all. Yeah. What if they don't like what I'm about for an hour? Yeah. Or like you have so many things that you'll say and you're like – in your head you're like, these people fucking, they might not fuck with me at all. Yeah. What if they don't like what I'm about for an hour? Yeah. You know, or like, or you have so many things that you'll say and you're like, in your head, you're like, hope this doesn't lose them. Yeah.

And then, you know, you push forward. So like to have these people who just like us is great. You. You, bro. Y'all. Me, dude. You should be sitting at home going, me, bro. Everybody do it.

Take two thumbs, point at yourself and be like, me, bro. Send us on Instagram just videos of you going, me, bro. Everybody do it. Take two thumbs, point at yourself, be like, me, bro. Send us on Instagram just videos of you going, me, bro. Me, bro. Put it on your story, and then we can share it to our story. If you're with your partner, be like, us, bro. Us, though, too, dude. Me,

but like us, bro. And y'all. Please do. Me, though, right now. Second pick. Second pick. I'm taking a whole episode. I'm taking the Taco Please do. Me though right now. All right. Second pick. Second pick. I'm taking a whole episode. I'm taking the Taco Bell episode. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

Old bean burrito no onions. That was just. Which we have cross-stitched in our home. Seriously, dude. God, that was so. I think that might be the first time I yelled at you like that. Yeah. That might be the first.

Yeah. You fucking blew it right off the bat well that was that was where i realized that this that was where i was like oh this is a draft like no one was going to pick that so i could have picked it later i didn't i wasn't thinking like that i was just like what would i order yeah but uh just the whole episode that was that was the first one where i was like man what a what a fun weird thing to draft you know

the whole menu is my favorite food it is that's my impression of Sean's stand up it just resonated so well with everybody everybody seemed to like it

and uh the whole menu bro it's my favorite I just look at the menu I go you bro y'all dude get back there

play jazz on go back there and play jazz dealer's choice just some snippets from the upcoming album right there You, bro. Y'all, dude. Get back there and play jazz on it. Go back there and play jazz. Dealer's choice. Just some snippets from the upcoming album right there. But yeah, that was one where I just, I remember sitting here like, man, this is, it's just so fun. Silly.

That was like such a silly fun time. Yeah, shit is fun as hell. Forget about everything and just tune out for a while and talk about- It's the epitome of this podcast. Yeah. Talk about some wild shit for a second. I want some Taco Bell now. Weird shit.

I know. Me too. Low stakes. It also launched the AFE Taco Bell effect, which is from that episode, so many people on Twitter being like, I was 20 minutes into the episode and I found myself in my car going to Taco Bell. Yeah. We really-

People sending us all these pictures. People hit us up about Taco Bell, I feel like every week. Every week. Even Bell. Yeah, we really. People are sending us all these pictures. People hit us up about Taco Bell I feel like every week. Even still, people send us news like when Taco Bell started selling liquor, they opened that. Yeah, people were like,

yo. Surprise, surprise. Which I also like that they understand us. Yeah. You guys heard about this? I wasn't disappointed that they thought

that there was a world where we didn't know about it already. Right? We knew. Yeah, I got, Sean got text alerts. I think I was with Nick Nanpay, friend of the podcast, not in the studio, not on the microphone. I think we were in Vegas and we walked into the cantina one there and someone had barfed all over the floor.

And we were like, well, yeah, but we got to go. Good use of barf. Oh, wait, no, we still bought food. Never mind. A couple of scumbags. Vegas, baby. Vegas, baby. Someone had like, and they got those hard floors.

So, you know, it was one of those splatter barfs. Oh, yeah. And it was like sploosh. There's a name for you. The company Splatter Barf. Splatter Barf, dude. Call me Sneeze Guard. Sneeze Guard and Splatter Barf.

That's like when they were trying to come up with a name for Bebop and Rocksteady on Teenage Splatterbarf, dude. Call me Sneezeguard. Sneezeguard Splatterbarf? Oh my God. That's like when they're trying to come up with a name for Bebop and Rocksteady on Teenage Unit. Sneezeguard Splatterbarf? I think of that as one guy. Yeah. Just a different time. One guy, different times of the day.

No, my name is Sneezeguard Splatterbarf. I work security. I feel like you as an Esquire. Sneezeguard Splatterbarf. Yeah. It's fancy. Sneezeguard Splatterbarf. Esquire.

Of the Cleveland Splatterbarfs. Perhaps you've heard of us. Splatterbarfs. No, Mr. Splatterbarf is my name. Call me Sneezeguard. Call me Sneezeguard. Yeah, I went to Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. And most of my classes were actually in the Splatterbarf building.

Yeah. No, that's us. That's our family. He was a real philanthropist at Splatterbarf. God, I used to date this girl over in Splatterbarf Hall. Yeah. Oof. Dude, yesterday at the stoner park, I did a kickflip Splatterbarf.

Really? Yeah, no one's ever done it. Backside? Yeah, yeah. My man. Yeah. Christ there? No one's ever done it. Backside? Yeah, yeah. My man. Yeah. No one's ever done the cross. I just floated for a while

at the park, bro. The Taco Bell episode was dank and buck, dude. It was fucking very tight. Yeah. It was so... So there it is. I feel like...

I gotta cross that off my list. Yep, me too. Me too. Fucking bean burrito, no onions. Piece of shit. Stand by it, man. A lot of people out there. Thank you for the movement. Yeah, the Nazis were a big movement too. Thank you for that. They ran the whole country.

The boring ass movement. Thank you for that. What is this? Room temperature, the room temperature water movement? Yeah. What I like, I love the saltines movement too. I like a tepid glass of water. Wow. Yeah.

You know, you think you know some people. Yeah. Cheese and rice. Yeah. On my bean burrito. I like a drizzly morning. Yeah.

Wet socks. I like eggs with no salt. Yeah. Wet socks are probably the biggest bummer, like the biggest low-key bummer there is. Yeah.

Wet socks. Wet socks suck. That's another idea, low-key bummer there is. Yeah. Wet socks. Wet socks suck. That's another idea. Low-key bummers. Wet anything where you're like, shit, my underwear aren't quite dry, so I got to put them on. Oh, God, yeah. Or like in the Northwest sometimes when you would just be like out all day. Yeah.

And then you're just damp until you get home and get to change clothes. Oh, dude, that bus life, dude. Just ride in the bus. Oh, bus life. It's just a short little drizzle and you're like, well, now I'm going to be kind of chilly all fucking day. Yeah, or a beanie, and then go into the bar and hope your beanie's dry by the time you leave. It's kind of wet.

Shane Torres. Or like when the bottom of- Shane just hopes he's dry by the time he leaves the bar. Shane's always a little wet. He's all moist. He's a moist boy. Mojado borracho. Fucking rocking the beanie

wet drunk you gave him that beanie right? a couple so we're at the crib one day Ian was at work and Shane and I went to get coffee it's like 94 degrees and he puts on a hoodie and then he puts on this jash beanie I go hey man

it's 94 outside I'm wearing I almost didn't wear a shirt and uh he's just like yeah i know and i'm just like well then he was sweating by the time we got to starbucks two blocks away anyway the second story he put on my orange spitfire beanie and i was like well you can have it he just put it on that's yours now it's so hot to be wearing a beanie i realized i brought a beanie but it was my backpack well put it on for comedic effect. He looks great in that hat.

I love him in that hat. He does look good in it. That's the truth, actually. That's really why I gave it to him, because I'm like, that's a dope-looking hat. He does look good in a beanie. But he just forces it when it's so hot, and you're like, chill out. You already got all that payload. Fashion is his passion.

Mucho payload. Mucho payload. The feo payload. Mucho payload. So much wet hair. Feo pelo. Mojado. The feo pelo. Mucho pelo. So much wet hair. Feo pelo. If he was in Con Air, they'd say the pelo has been delivered. Maybe not Con Air because they didn't say payload in that, but you see where I'm going.

I get you. Yeah, Taco Bell. Taco Bell draft. The Taco Bell effect. All right. I want some so much. It's a whole day after this. Cheesy gordita crunch. I right. I want some so much. It's a whole day after this. Cheesy gordita crunch. I know.

I know. Okay. Speaking of the borracho muchacho, I'm taking a very specific moment that will also sort of live as a larger thing. But I'm taking round three, pick two of the garbage foods draft. I'm picking the sampler platter. Yeah! Good footwork on that.

I have to tip my hat to the guy who runs the All Fantasy Everything encyclopedia. Oh, man! For helping me sort of find these moments. I forget his name. We should memorize his name like he's Jesus. That guy, tight. Shout out to you, dude. Thank you. I should have used that as a resource. You have to use it.

Yeah, come on. I just went with my heart. I tried to go off topic for a second. I went with my heart, too, but I wanted to know exactly what pick it was. I just love that people bring sampler platters to him. It's fucking crazy. It's really one of the funnier bits I've ever been involved in. Seriously, keep doing it.

Man, you guys just get him sampler. That's so funny. People send him sampler. That's so funny. And he'll be just like back there. You know when you're like getting ready to do an hour and then, oh, great. Like, you know, the club owner comes in like, hey, I don't know. I don't know what to say, but somebody out there, they bought you this. Is that your sampler platter? I get to bottle wine in a restaurant.

Hey, from the table over there. These people just got engaged and they wanted you to have this. Oh, great. Oh, great. El plato de carne. Otra vez. Muy bien. El plato de todos caminas.

The plate of all the food. Oh, my gosh. First of all, it's the micro moment of Shane Torres taking a fucking sampler platter on the garbage foods draft. Like that's one food. It's so many foods. In fact, it's infinitely many foods. It is the possibility of any foods. Which made me so angry at the time.

Fun angry, but it was just like, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you thinking? It's like when you read his Twitter, and you're like, what's going on? Dude. You just gotta edit, you know? I'm sure I've said this before, but he accidentally dumped his fucking drafts one time.

So like 30 tweets. One of them was about Nate Bargetzi doing Funny Over Everything, which hadn't been a show for like a year and a half at this point. And I just look at Twitter and it's like, come see Nate Bargetzi tonight at Funny Over Everything. I'm like, that was a year and a half ago.

What about when he texted us to see if we were going to Breeze Raping? Oh my God. I was not going to be excited about that. Taping an album. Taping an album. Taping an album. Yeah. And then when somebody, so I think Zach commented, they go, hey, look at what you just wrote.

And then instead of deleting it, he just commented, he goes, oh God. But he left it up. That could have been any of us. It could have been. I got to get my voice back on that. That could have been any of us, but it also had to be Shane. And then we had that show at Bridgetown. Basically, it was like the

Fuck Shane show, which is gnarly. I wasn't part of that show. He approved it. Was it Bridgetown? You lived here, and it was the Wednesday. I was in LA. So Jordan Kasner made all these table-framed things of Shane's tweets and things that he misspelled and had a drink jacket pretty much on every table.

And one of them was those, and Shane's like, I don't think I like this. And we're like, it's too late, bro. It's all off. The gears are turning. He's not here, but he's here. He's here. He's always here. He's always here.

Every time you spill a chimichanga on your shirt, Shane is there. Buy his album. The zoom out version of that is two things, which is that like, I love our fans and how they will fucking get in on the joke and the spirit of everything and send like that, like sampler, fucking sampler platters to Shane. And then the other,

the zoomed out, zoomed out version is I just love Shane so much. Seriously. I fuck it. I know we like joke and it's like a ribbing thing and it's like this friendship thing, but like, I just, I hope you're listening. I fucking love you. He. Yeah. I fuck it. I know we like joke and it's like a ribbing thing and it's like this friendship thing, but like, I just, I hope you're listening. I fucking love you. He is

listening. He's the best. And he's so funny. He is so funny. It's good to see funny people win. I would do anything for that kid. Yeah. And I agree a hundred percent. Seein' Shane like with the half hour. God, when we watched it at the house, I just, he probably got a bruise from how hard I was hitting his leg.

He was slapping him. Every punchline, I'm just like, dog, you're on fucking TV. We were drinking that Johnny Walker Blue, slapping Shane around. This guy. Sue Carmelo's in the house. I believe the word is a minch.

Bottom of that bottle of Johnny Blue, dude. It's not every day. And then Ian grabs it out of my hand. He's like, I don't think it's a pull-off-the-bottle situation. Because I'm just sitting there with a fucking $400 bottle of whiskey. You fucking champ! You're a fucking champ.

I don't think this is a pull-off-the-bottle situation. Almost replaced it with like, like if a baby's got a diamond in his hand and you just grab the diamond and you're like, here's a wheel of a toy car instead.

Pour it a little bit. We decanted it. Let it breathe a little bit. Put it in a whiskey mask. Yeah, let's get that. Here's a wheel of a toy car instead. Pour it a little bit. We decanted it. Let it breathe a little bit. Put it in a whiskey glass. Yeah, Shane's amazing. It's just fucking, it's like, I mean, to play the role, too. You know. Yeah.

With the listeners and to be like, and just how, like, nice he is. But, like, mean nice the way we are to each other. It's just, it's precious to have that sort of dynamic with a friend and just wanted to just wanted to strip away the fake mean

and just be actual nice we fucking love you man seriously I'd do anything for you miss you the only bad thing about living in LA is that you're not here

oh man this guy yeah there it is and the traffic the traffic's pretty bad actually too it's weird to not have seasons

there's actually a few I, too. It's weird to not have seasons. There's actually a few of them. It is weird. Time passes so straight into the desert. There's a hard water in a lot of neighborhoods. Rent is pretty expensive. I sweat a lot. I feel like there's always guys like Shane in comedy where you're like, God, he's so funny and so nice.

And sometimes they don't win. And you're like, what the fuck is wrong with his business? Right? And I'm so glad to see him getting shit. Shane got a lot of shit luck, dude. When Healing first opened, he got like seven weeks canceled. Like in a row. Yeah.

They like, oh, hey, sorry, we can't have you host. I loved it so much. Taking his feature weeks. Not because they didn't do anything. It was just scheduling. It was like, hey, sorry, we can't have you host. I loved it so much. Taking his feature weeks. Not because they didn't do anything. It was just scheduling. It was like, hey, so and so brought a feature, it turns out. He just got shit on so hard, so much. And, you know, he drops a lot of food

on his shirt. He does. He gets sad. He gets in his hair. His whole family died. I read the fucking email. I read it. They're like, you will be on Last Comic Standing tonight. We had a party. That's why I didn't have a party. I read it they're like you will be on Last Comic Standing tonight we had a party that's why I didn't have a party I read the email

dude I'm like they've really screwed him and then my episode of Adam Devine's house party a rerun just happened to be

on later that night no it didn't it did right after that it just happened to be on I was like we can flip it over it was right after that

oh it was the worst seeing his success has been amazing. Yes. So, yeah, the Sampler Platter pick and the Sampler Platter himself. Go see him at the Comedy Cellar one of these days. Yeah. I heard he's going to be there a lot.

I heard he's going to be there a lot. Yeah, might be showing up. If you're in New York, go see Sample P at the Cellar. Watch him cut it up. Yeah. They do sell Sampler Platters at the Cellar, just so everybody knows. May slide one over to them. David Boyd, tell me your second pick.

This is a moment that happens every episode that I just get so excited. It's when you say, welcome to another episode of All Fans. Yeah, welcome. It's like that feeling of like. Do that again. Welcome.

Is that your impression of me? Yeah. Welcome. Let me give it a shot. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fans. Welcome. Is that your impression of me? Yeah. Welcome. Let me give it a shot. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy. Yours isn't Jewish enough. Welcome. Yours sounds like a vampire.

Welcome to another. I can't do it. I don't have it. Welcome. Welcome to another episode. Welcome to another brand new episode. We can't do it. I can't do it.

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Welcome.

Welcome. I can't do it. What? What? What? What? What? What? Welcome.

Welcome. But no, that feeling when you do that is like, in high school, when we would play, like during football games, it would be like the end of the national anthem. This kid would always say, let's go Cardinals at the same time. And like my body would get like, you know what I mean? That feeling of like, I'm going to compete. I'm going to play. Like it's, the thing is happening.

Or like, it's the same feeling I get when they say my name right before i go on stage yeah yeah i just am so happy to like uh-huh it just like charges me up i feel so good everything focuses yeah yeah it just like kicks in like every and everything else goes away it's like this is i'm doing the thing you know what i mean like this is what i'm here for i just i it makes me feel so good i get so excited i wanted i wanted it to feel like uh like you, this podcast where it's like, did it start? You know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just like fades in sometimes and they're talking like.

Someone clearing their throat. Oh, hey, so I guess we're recording now. We can just start it right here. Is it on? And I would be like, no. It's like, now you're in. You're in the all fantasy everything world. Yeah, that's exactly it.

It brings the world. It's a Jewish trumpet calling your name. Beckoning you. Come a fly. As though a matzah ball could be a sound. You're grabbed by the nostrils by a smell. It just pulls you into the kitchen. It's brisket.

It's very like P.T. Barnum, like you're about to bring the lion out. Welcome. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. You're a showman. You are a showman. I'm a showman. 100%. Boys and girls.

For God's sake, and non-binary folks as well, it's a show for God's sake. You're a show person. It's a show. I'm a show person. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. I don't want to bring the people in.

I agree. Thank you. I love, yeah. Yeah, it's just, it's on everyone. you. I love it. Yeah. It's on everyone. You know what I mean? So it's consistent. I love it. It's good to have those little traditions.

Yeah. Amy, it's time for your second and your third picks. Already on the second pick. Oh, my God. Are we on the second pick already? Christ almighty. It's only been an hour and 45 minutes. Yikes.

Okay. It came up a little bit, but Denver High Plains Live Show. Yeah. Damn it. Damn. Specifically, David drafted Dolly Parton as a solid motherfucker, which was special for me. I know he did it partially for me.

Made more special by the fact that it followed Shane picking the worst thing ever. Oh, my God. The dumbest pick. Which one? Roberto Duran? Roberto Duran? In the history of the show. The first pick.

The first pick. What was he thinking? Did he mean solid like there's somebody you can't shove? Yeah, like, wow, that's like touching granite right there. That might be what he thought. He thought it meant thick. Like sturdy base. Like a sturdy person?

I mean, we could take sturdy people. That would be a fun draft. He thought it meant thick. Like sturdy base. Like a sturdy person. He just had to audible. We could take sturdy people. That would be a fun draft. Sturdy people. Sturdy. Nice sturdy. I would just draft us. Yeah.

Just the worst pick and then the best pick. And just having everyone there in Denver and like seeing a lot of the fans. Let's just call it the Denver show. Yeah. Shouting out me and Sharpie. That was really fun. That was so fun. And we were also hungover. Not us. was really fun. We were also hungover.

Not us. We had been hungover a couple hours earlier. I invented a drink called a triple shot of tequila that night. If you drank it like it was a warm glass of milk before bed. It made me nauseous even thinking about it.

I would sit right next to him. I had that fucking AFE energy. Nothing could touch me. You know what I mean? It's like what you were talking about. All fucked up energy. All fucked up everything. Yeah, it's that feeling.

I wasn't gonna, it's Chekhov's gun. Once the tequilas were out there, I knew I had to drink it at some point. Yeah. You know? Fun weekend, incredible pick.

I knew it was for me. You're the solidest motherfucker. I think I texted you right before. Next to Dolly Parton. He did because I was out of the building because I had a show. I was the solidest motherfucker. I think I texted you right before. Next to Dolly Parton. He did because I was out of the building because I had a show. I was like running in between. And then he was like, I'm about to draft Dolly. So I ran back over.

And just that the fans knew that I love her. It was just very special. He just texted you, Shane actually took my first pick, Roberto Duran. So I'm actually going to have to pick Dolly Parton. He like had to look for that. He researched it. He had to look for that. He researched it. He punched a horse out. That was

the big reason. That was his hoof! What the fuck are you talking about? He punched a horse? What is wrong with you? He's never seen a Tom Hanks movie, obviously. Never seen a Will Smith movie. But he's seen Roberto de Ramp box. But he's seen a bunch of dudes punch horses.

This one was successful. I took Sean and an NFL football player who donated his entire salary. He took a guy who punched a horse in the face. They call that some Texas justice when you punch out a horse. It's fucking Fort Worth. Not for the horse. That horse was just chilling. I guarantee that horse didn't want no smoke. That guy just came up and punched a horse. Horses are rarely that horse didn't want no smoke.

That guy just came up and punched a horse. Horses are rarely looking for beef, it feels like. It's a cow thing. Professional comedy writer, ladies and gentlemen. Probably thought of that one at the gym, huh? In the lab. All magic fingers over here in the lab. Just fucking. Just putting together Drake lyrics.

You write on a piano, don't you? I do write on a piano. You play it on a piano and somebody translates it into the lyrics. Yeah, I play a song. I'm like write this sketch. And then I fucking tickle the ivories. Yeah, and they can feel it. Yeah, they feel it. They synthesize the words. My writers know what to do.

They're not just writers. They're writers. You know what I mean? W and an R. W-R-Y-D-E-R-S. W-R-Y-D-E-R-S. Writers, bro. What's your third pick, Amy? Oh. Denver High Plains was wild. And it was fun seeing comics who had never heard of AFE kind of trickle in and be like,

what is, why, what is? Yeah, people like. Like they have this many fans. Yeah. They're like, yeah, dude, it's a thing. It was, it sold. It was tight. I think it was like one of the only shows

that sold out. And we sold out first. Yeah. We sold out first. Yeah. Hell yeah. Fucking, we'll be back, David. Maybe sooner than you think.

Oh, we'll be back. Possibly. We're moving from, I'm moving some Carmel stuff to make this potential thing happen. Let's just say it's gonna be a holly jolly Christmas.

It might be a holly jolly Christmas. It might be a holly jolly Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, to each their own. be a Holly Jolly Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, two each time. It's going to be a Kronika Hanukkah. Kronika! I got to rename the album now.

I don't even smoke weed and I got a happy Kronika. You're not Jewish either. It's just that good. Kronika Hanukkah. Amy, time for your third pick. Okay, my third pick is a whole episode. Dating with Nicole Byer. Yes!

Oh, that one was really good. One of the funniest people on this planet. She is so. Nicole Byer. God damn, that was. Fills with joy and light. So amazing. What is this?

Is it? What's her show? Why Won't You Date Me? No. Well, yeah. Well, nailed it. She's got a podcast on the AFE Network, Why Won't You Date Me? Yeah, yeah.

Nailed it on Netflix. Nailed it. That's, yeah, yeah. I imagine soon to be in everything, as she should be. Yeah, she is. I hope so. Because she is a star. Yeah.

But more specifically on that draft, every time Nicole says vodka. Vodka. Vodka. Give me some vodka. Makers, maca, cranberry, vodka. That's her sampler platter. People at shows, I think, always bring Nicole vodka. Do they?

Yeah. She must bring that up on a lot of different podcasts. Some vodka. Allegedly maybe drinking vodka during the filming of Nailed It. Often. Why not? Getting a little drunk before tasting those cakes. Man, that story of my life.

She let off first pick, first round. Getting a little drunk before you, that story of my life. She let off, first pick, first round, getting eaten out. So buck, dude. Lead off home run. Getting eaten out, yes. I bet if I was his girl, I would love it too.

I took the first date. She took getting eaten out. Damn, that's fucking normal. She's the best. Oh my God, it took us 63 minutes to get through round one. Thank God for this encyclopedia. Oh, then she took butterflies in the sacrament. She's a...

Don't put her in a box. People should date her. Yeah. Why won't you? Butterflies, hell yeah. Find out. She's an angel. A lot of sexy pics on Instagram.

Woo! Some fun quotes from this episode. David, you said at some point, my pallbearers got pallbearers. Hell yeah. We were talking about dead fat people for a long time. Show someone that quote and be like, I want you to try to figure out how this is involved with dating. We said fat people need a lot of friends, so they got someone to carry them when they die. That's why we're so nice to people.

Strong, you got to make a lot of strong friends. Amy, you said every mother wants to know that her son goes down on ladies. That's true, Sue. I think that's true. St. Sue? I do. Mom, you know who you raised. I do. I do. Yeah. You know who you raised. I do.

I do. Getting eaten out. So much. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Because we didn't even, I didn't, I don't know why you guys, I didn't even know her like that before that episode. So she just, that was like my introduction to hanging out with her.

She's just like getting eaten out. She comes out strong. Yeah. Out of the gate. She's the best. Those slight little giggles from Marissa over there are always just such a fucking

great naming shit. Oh, sorry, sorry. Shit. I'm going to beat you up. I'm going to beat you up too. We're going to beat you up on camera, dude. I'm going to beat the shit

out of you. I'm going to call upon my martial arts trainer. I'm going to take your socks. I didn't litter anywhere. I don't have any socks, bro. Both y'all. What's up?

I got two guns here. One for each of you. One for each of you. You want to stop pulling that gun on my dad? Oh, my gosh. Woo. There it is. Woo.

David, tell me your third pick. Okay. My third pick is going to be, it sucks because you just picked the Denver one, but I'm saying the Austin show. Yeah. Just because that was the first live show that we all did together. Yeah, yeah. And I just remember being so nervous all day.

And I remember we walked up and there was a line outside. Yeah, dude. And somebody was like, that's David Borey. And I was like, that's never. You walk up, you go, I'm actually not David Borey. And they were like, wow, that. You walk up, you go, I'm not actually not David Borey. And they're like, wow, that's fucking Chris Pine.

Oh, it's Ian, Ian Carmel. Oh no, it's Ian. You guys see Chris Pine over there? That's Ian Carmel actually. Way cooler.

That's Ryan Gosling in a giant panda. Dude, you guys see Chris Bunn? I love that feeling, too, of these live shows. It reminds me of, like, remember when Dad Boner came out? Yeah. I mean, like, came out, came out, like, Mike went on stage at Ridgetown. Yeah.

And there were those lines around the block because people were like, who is Dad Boner? Yeah. Like, that's kind of what it is. It's like that same buzz. Yeah. It's just like, I've never had, man, I do shows, man. That's what I fucking do. Yeah.

And I've never had that before. It's fucking tight. Like, it was like crazy. And then it was like, then we got to get all, are you crying or laughing? That Chris Pine thing is killing me. It's killing me, dude. No, that's, I'm pretty sure that's Ian. It's killing me.

I think so. No, it's got a, no, it's Chris. I think that's it. I'm pretty sure that's Ian. It's killing me. I think so. No, it's got to. No, it's Chris. It's the mustache that tipped me off. It is South By. It could be Chris Pine. It could be Chris Pine. That's the best part.

He must be promoting one of his upcoming films. Oh, my gosh, dude. Oh, man. Oh, that was good. That was real good. Episode 200. I'm going to draft that. Oh, man.

Yeah, dude. Austin was real good. Episode 200. I'm going to draft that. Oh, man. Yeah, dude. Austin was fucking tight. Seeing like that. I mean, and we shared it with our favorite sister show, Punch Up the Jam. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Miel Breda and Demi Adeguiba. Shout out to both of them.

Yep. But, dude, to have that, like, people brought signs and shit. People brought signs. Malloy was there. Malloy was there. Somehow Malloy was there. Sean bar was there. Somehow Malloy was there. Sean barfed red wine the night before. Sean barfed red wine on the street.

Plain wine all over the street. Nothing new on 6th Street, I'll tell you that. I barfed on some pre-existing barf. That was, yeah, we drank all those drinks. Yeah. We learned some crazy shit about Sean. Like he likes, what is it, just weird weird like a cherry tomato or whatever drink. I don't know

that I've ever really said this but like so all that you guys see me drink is whiskey and a beer. That's because

that's all you drink. Right, right. So when we were drafting mixed drinks I had to get weird because that's what I used to drink. You used to drink

really? Crown peaches for days. Yeah, all the time at the comedy club. What else? Raspberry kamikazes for fucking days. Yeah, all the time at the comedy club. What else? Raspberry kamikazes for fucking days. Oh, my God. Seriously.

What are you going to look up exactly? What are you, like a single mom? I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl. Raspberry kamikazes. I'm a high school girl. I'm a baby. I'm a little baby.

I'm a baby. Very inside reference that we cannot say on air. Anyway. I'm a little baby. I'm a baby. Very inside reference that we cannot say on air. Anyway. I'm a little baby. What is it referenced? Say it on air. I will tell you all. I'll tell you all.

It's a very funny story. We will say it on camera. Just hold a sign up. Yeah. That was, yep. That was tight. It was just the first one. First of many, I assume. But it's just like. Well, I was was, yep. Yeah, the live one. That was tight. It was just the first one. First of many, I assume, but it's just like.

Well, I was terrified, too, because I don't have any confidence with most things except for like actually doing stand-up. So I didn't think anyone was going to come. And your big, huge balls. Yeah, they're big. He does, yeah. I haven't seen them, but. He almost said he do have big balls.

He do have big balls, though. Yeah, I was nervous. You took a 007. Yeah. Vodka Rebel. Well, that's not crazy. Raspberry Kamikaze. All right.

Royal Peach. Yeah, Crown Peach. And then Jameson and Greyhound. You took all the fruits of the loom. Shot of Goldschlager, but that's not a cocktail. Yeah. Shot of Jameson is also not a... Yeah.

I didn't take a shot. Somebody just... Anyway. Anyway. David, you took a Harvey Wallbanger during the draft, dude. It's a nickname I've always wanted. Yeah. Too bad.

Too bad, blue cheese grenade, or whatever it was. Blue cheese bomber. Why does blue cheese grenade feel so much worse? It's way worse. It makes me feel bad. A bomber, you're doing it. It's active. Blue cheese grenade just...

It takes your agency out of it. That's why. Blue cheese grenade. You're just like waiting. It takes your agency out of it. That's why. I'm covered. I can't help it. It's everywhere. Oh, no. Move in.

Move in. Oh, move in. Hey, don't count yourself out yet. You're doing just fine. It just takes some time, little girl. You're doing just fine. It just takes some time, little girl. You're in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be

all great. Everything, everything will be all great. Whoever put my voice to the beat, can you please put that to a beat? To Jimmy Eat World. Seriously, any song that ever gets sang on here. We guess I should have talked about it

to the listeners. You guys are saying stuff. I have to throw out a line. I've been trying to. Take a little medicine, bro. You heard me. Everybody stop. What is this?

You've been coming at me real hard the last two days. Let's move forward amicably. I is this? You gotta fight. You've been coming at me real hard the last two days. Let's move forward. Let's move forward amicably. I like this. You can talk to Harvey Walbinger like that. Do you have to pee? Because Malloy is here.

Yeah, I have to pee. All right, go pee. All right. Let Malloy in. Okay. Hey, we're back. Thank you. I hate that this is a video podcast.

Welcome. I really got caught with my hand in the cookie jar here. Hand in the donut box. Hand in the donut box. That's actually your laptop, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a donut friend. Special edition laptop.

Hand me my laptop. I got to do some work. You're going to sit in the coffee shop. I'm just fucking working like a- I just have like some guava chocolate donut. Dude, shout out to Donut Friend. Shout out to Marissa for bringing the donut friend. There you go.

Follow them on social media at Donut Friend. Oh, sure. Yeah, do that. Do it. Fucking, oh, yeah, there it is. I'm like Malloy's here. Oh, yeah, Malloy's here now. Enemy of the podcast in the building.

No, maybe you like passing around here again. Enemy of me and my life. Rotation. Everybody. There we go. Oh, sorry. Whose turn is it I think it's cartwheels

I texted Mike my turn what time did I text you to say bring me some Dunkin like 2 in the morning 6am 5 bring me some Dunkin bro

it's my pick Dunkin Bro Nuts I'm picking this fucking donut with bacon on it it's my pick in the donut rotation. It's my big dick. We're playing pass the shit with donuts right now.

God, we're fat. Yeah. It's my big dick and I want to fuck. We don't eat donuts every podcast. No. This is the only time it's happened. I don't want them to think that either. Why is this?

This is the one. People are going to be like, damn, they live. They really live. They walk it like they talk it. They walk it like they talk it. They walk it like they talk it. They're all hungover. They're taking bites. Donuts.

None of it's made up. Bacon on it and shit. No. Not a condiment, by the way. We're not characters. Not to say anything. Ian. Carmel.

It's my big dick. I should have said George. With the third pick, I'm taking King Tuff, dude. Ah, fuck, man. I thought that'd make it to round five. No way. I was going to take it. Damn it.

I'm taking the King Tuff riffs. Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. From the Chris Charpentier. What were we drafting even? Band names. Oh. That was a great one.

Yeah, yeah. Yep. That was a hilarious draft. I just took a big bite of donuts, so maybe you rattle off some of these King Tuff facts. I don't even know what this is. Well, Yeah, yeah. Yep. That was a hilarious draft. I just took a big bite of donut, so maybe you rattle off some of these King Tuff facts. I don't even know what this is. While Daddy chews into it. King Tuff has been known to butter his bread with a broadsword.

King Tuff does... God damn it! King Tuff called the cops on himself one time. King Tuff makes mashed potatoes with a grenade. There it is. King Tuff will kiss you on the mouth. I don't know. I don't know. King Tuff was the first with a grenade. There it is. King Tuff will kiss you on the mouth. I don't know. I don't know.

King Tuff was the first person to skydive, and he didn't know if he had a chute. He didn't have a chute. He didn't have a chute. He's still up there. He's floating. King Tuff is God. We were drafting band names just on the name alone. Yeah, no music.

And there's this band, King Tuff, who are great, by the way. Yeah. And we just started making up facts about King Tuff, and it was one of my favorite things we've done. King Tuff was actually supposed to be King Tut. That one was bad. But last time when you guys did it in my head, I was like, I see those guys.

It was a matter before. You had to be there kind of thing. Yep. King Tuff uses a NASA weapons-grade laser beam to play with his cat. King Tuff knocked out the Dos Equis guy. One punch. King Tuff got the Statue of Liberty pregnant.

That's so funny. That was tight, dude. Oh, man. King Tuff, though, was a great riff. Yeah, King Tuff was a great riff. Just one of my favorite riffs. Yeah, if you haven't listened to it, go back and check it out on the Band Names podcast. God, that was such a dank one.

Who we love. You don't know what I'm laughing at, but I'm laughing. Yeah, dude, that was definitely on my list. That was one of the first hard riffs where it was like 15 of them. Yeah, it was just like bang, bang and it was it was a day much like today it wasn't saturday riffs i think it was a two banger too i think it was two stroke we might have even gone to two strips where i'm praying we're going oh we might be i can't see a world where that doesn't happen it sounds it's it's written in the stars i'll

probably have to put some different colored shorts on a formal short it's the 100th episode my dinner shorts, my going out sweatpants Sean, time for your third and fourth picks oh shit damn, yeah, alright I am I am drafting

this was, for me this was like the first time I am drafting. This was, for me, this was like the first time that I came at you when I was upset with one of your picks. I came on you. It was when you picked Grape Nuts. I'm drafting that. Was it cereal? Yeah. Yeah, it was the cereal draft. It was live at Bridgetown.

Oh, can I not pick it? No, you can pick it. Okay, yeah. We didn't do that. Whoa, somebody, did we pick the Bridgetown one? No. I forget. Okay, yeah.

I'm just picking the Grape Nuts pick because that was the first one where I was like, what fucking planet are you living on? Come at me again. Yeah, dude. Come at me again. I fucking love Grape Nuts. I know. I love Grape Nuts.

I like them hot. It's a mush. Dulce had some crazy picks on that. Yeah. She's crazy. Dulce was going in on Sean. She kept putting her fingers in her drink and doing this to my face. Yeah. Because she's crazy. Dulce was going in on Sean. She kept putting her fingers in her drink and doing this to my face. Yeah.

Oh, God. I didn't even know you could do that. I feel like every cereal she said nobody had heard of, she's like someone pretending she's not an alien for sure. Yeah, she's Kashi Good Friends. I think I did that. I'm not in a human suit. I've had cereals. I eat Count Chocula.

Peach Numnums. Oh, they must have only had those in the South. No. Peach num-nums. No, you're making shit up. Trying to get away with shit. Peach num-nums. Peach num-nums.

Where does she work again now? The Daily Show. She's on the Daily Show right yeah she's on the fucking Daily Show she's a correspondent

old fucking hammered ass flicking took Tony's mic took Tony's mic at one point I was like you gotta you gotta give him his mic back

hitting on Shane hard and now corresponding on the Daily Show going back to your dates thing it's fucking beautiful to see that dude

we're a vetting ground I'm telling you five years from now we're gonna look at the lineups we had. We hadn't been like, man, a lot of cool people. Right? Like Oscar winner, Emmy winner, showrunner, murderer.

Yeah. Chris Pine. Toscani. The next Chris Pine. No, that's got to be Chris Pine. Sharpie will get a promotion on the construction site. Yeah, he'll be a foreman. Foreman?

He'll be a site foreman? If you guys don't follow Chris Sharpie. Yeah, he'll be a foreman. Foreman? Site foreman? If you guys don't follow Sharpie. He'll end up a five-man. Five-man. He's a five-man now. Follow Sharpie on Instagram. He's doing these stories where he'll just post somebody operating a forklift and he'll just put go to college.

It's so funny. Or somebody scraping cement and he should seriously go to college. When we were on the road, Sharpie posted in his stories a picture of the Space Needle and said, we're trying to settle a debate, trying to figure out what building this is. It was so funny. And then hundreds of people responded. Like, hey, it's the Space Needle, dummy. Saying it's the Space Needle.

It was so funny. It was fun for three days. That was the gift that kept on giving. You know, the Luxor is shaped like a pyramid. It's a fucking pyramid. Did you know that? Yeah. The Luxor in Las Vegas.

I did. So you're used to hotels being like a big rectangle, kind of like a box. A boxy sort of thing. It's a pyramid. That one's shaped like a pyramid. It comes to a point. I've stayed there. You can see like when you're coming in on the freeway, you see like a pyramid and you're

like, I can't be staying there. You don't notice it, but if you really look. Your windows are slanted when you're in your room. Right. I've had sex in one of those. Never. Well, I'm not married, so I don't know the pleasure, but. What?

What? Got my window slanted. You know what I mean. Whoop, whoop. I got my window slanted. She hit the jackpot on the panty slot. Somebody ordered the cognac for free. Oh, yeah.

I did get a free cognac up in there. Dude, I didn't know we could do that. David's like, let's go play a slot for like a dollar. Yeah, you sit down for free drinks. yeah, I did get a free cognac up in there. Dude, I didn't know we could do that. David's like, let's go play a slot for like a dollar. Why don't you sit down for free drinks? I had no idea.

I had no clue. It was awesome. And then we just brought it right back to the room. Grape nuts are good. Grape nuts are delicious. They're healthy. I agree.

It's a fine cereal. It's a different mouthfeel than maybe you're used to. It's a aficionado cereal. It doesn't taste like Jameson so it doesn't really do it for me. That's a fact.

You can put JMO on Grape Nuts. If my advanced erudite brain, for one second, cares about what your potato peeling Irish taste buds thought, that hurt. Gimme. Gimme. Potato peeling is mean. Irish taste buds thought that hurt me. Give me. For the second I can, you're fucking dirt eating famine ass

Irish taste buds. Is this racist? Is this racist? Jews can be racist against Irish because we're on that same sort of and they've had a president, we haven't. White people racism is so weird. Yeah, it's fun. White people racism. I love it when whites are racist to other white right like whoa you know what i mean

they're like yeah i'd have him in my house but he's an italian this fucking guy hasn't been in a car that wasn't a paddy wagon i can't say anything bad about jewish folks i just can't this is a fun, dangerous game. I'm over here like... Like trying to kiss a teacher. I feel like I'm about to hop into a jump rope right now. Like, should I? Don't.

What if I get fired? What if some Irish guy hears this and writes the Late Late Show? Irish people aren't higher ups. They can't... We gotta be close enough to drag our knuckles on the ground Well I said Irish people don't know how to write letters It's perfect They just pour Jameson on a notebook and send it in

I love Grape Nuts Yeah I could have gotten that in a later round It was the first time Where I was like I'm gonna come at him a little bit And it was just fun Because that happens to me all the goddamn time What you didn't know is that you were jousting up against a painting of a jouster that I had drawn on.

You just slammed right into it. You saved the mess. I had a donut. The old jousting feint. Yeah. Shut it down. You put chocolate milk in grape nuts? That's delicious.

Oh, shit. A healthy treat. Let me upgrade. It's healthy, right? That's delicious. Oh, shit. A healthy treat. Let me upgrade. It's healthy, right? It's healthy. Yeah. Every part of that is healthy. Sean, your fourth pick.

All right. All right. And now this is one of, it's again something you said, but it's the other way. It's one of my favorite things. When it was the treats episode, when you said, what are you going to draft next? You're having the whole garbage fire to yourself. It was, because that was, so it goes a little deeper. So my friend Adam, Adam Neuroth, friend of the podcast, amazing person.

That was the first time he's texted me and he's like, dude, that was one of the funniest things I've ever, like, just that was hilarious. It's because on the treats, just to explain it less, you kept taking like gutter shit Senior teenage son for the first time You took purchasing things at a movie theater since he was born. Yeah, let me look.

You took purchasing things at a movie theater, a pedicure, making it home in time to watch Jeopardy, filling up the entire gas tank, and nice toilet paper. God, your life is gonna be so good soon.

I don't, it's like, nobody's gonna enjoy this next chapter more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, it's gonna get so gonna nobody's gonna enjoy this next chapter more yeah yeah yeah yeah you're like it's gonna get so good for you oh that was that was just um so adam sent me a few texts like through some of these shows where he's just like dude that was like really really good like for and he's very earnest and very serious about it and that was the first one where i was like fuck man like that's awesome it means a lot to hear a compliment from somebody

who doesn't do stand-up and, like, who just wants to appreciate funny things. And that was the first time. So you sent one of those, and I was like, damn, this is, it's something. It's just something. Give the whole garbage pile to yourself. It's so funny.

I don't have to slice the bean down the middle. Yeah. The dog that guards the junkyard to sleep. My dirty X-Acto knife from work all day. That was also the episode that featured an in-studio appearance from St. Sue Carmel. Oh, that was the one. After the flight upgrade.

All right. Yeah. Flight upgrade. That's right. Yeah. The flight upgrade. That's right. Excellent. Garbage fight yourself. Time for my fourth pick. Lord almighty.

I am going to take, oh, shit, fuck. Shit, fuck. It was just, I'm drafting something because it was just one of my favorite, from last week's episode, or two weeks ago's episode, episode 99. Uh-huh. Just the whole Michael Jackson riff at the end. Dude. I know I was a big part of it, and it's weird to draft something, but like, oh, dude, I'm trying to sing.

How did you? Pretty baby. Pretty baby. I wish people could have seen it, because you couldn't even talk, dude. You were just like, you were like, pretty, and you sounded like Cartman dude. You were like, pretty. And you sounded like Cartman. Because you were like, pretty. Because you were like, pretty baby. I get that.

Pretty baby. Pretty baby. Because I went back and listened to it. I was like laughing on the airplane. You were like flabbergasted. I've never seen that. It was so funny. I've never been like, I don't know what it was.

It was late. Pretty baby. And like at the time, I don't know what it was. It was late. And like at the time I was listening back to it and I was like explaining it like I think it's funny when people do bad Michael Jackson impressions and stuff. I lied. I went into that not

knowing it was going to be that bad. And I surprised myself. That's why I was laughing so hard. I was like, yeah, because I'd been singing on it earlier. And I was like, yeah, kind of nailed that Beach Boys thing. And then I was like, pretty baby. Hey, pretty baby. Pretty baby.

It wasn't even close. It wasn't even close. Let's hear it. Let's hear the Millers. What? Pretty baby. No, I'm not doing it. Come on.

Pretty baby. Pretty baby. No, I'm not doing that. Come on. Pretty baby with pretty baby. Whoa. That was crazy. Is that it? No, no. A pretty baby with the high heels on. For those of you watching. Sounds like the Jamster.

For those of you watching, you know that's not Michael Jackson. For those of you listening, that wasn't Michael Jackson. That was Amy, actually. That was Amy Miller in studio. Beanie baby. It wasn't your drunk grandma. Come here, baby. You got a kiss.

Come on, baby. I like that voice. I love it, though, too. I do, too. Your drunk grandma that bought you a Christmas present at the gas station on the way to the event. It's a license plate that says Sean on it. Happy 21st. I got a Northland license plate.

You're a man now. My boyfriend lives in Flagstaff. I got you something nice. That grandma fucks. Been fucking. Been fucking. Gonna stay fucking. David, go outside.

My friend's coming over. My friend. That grandma calls Gonna stay fucking. David, go outside. My friend's coming over. My friend. That grandma calls him a friend. Is this just your grandma? My friend's gonna be in the bathroom for a while. So I was just in the bathroom. It made me laugh at the time, and then when I listened back and I was like, you liar. That's so funny.

That made me laugh, too. It's funny when you bust yourself. I've done, God, countless times where I was like, you liar. That's so funny. That made me laugh too. It's funny when you bust yourself. I've done, God, countless times where I'm like, God, you just lied. Save yourself from sounding dumb. But that's my fourth pick. David, tell me your fourth pick. My fourth pick is the beautiful, dark, twisted mind of Zach Tisco. Oh, yeah.

Because I know him. I've known him for a long time. But do we? Yeah. I got around to hear Zach being crazy his whole like Zach's humor just it really scratches an itch for me especially when he's on here so it's just like

yeah I just really like the way that guy's mind works and I like getting to see these weird insights into it like when he set up that uh when he set up the perfect day and then we were hang gliding to kanye's studio it was just like whoa this dude is on some other shit and he sits up when he's in here he sits up poised like with a look on his face like i can't wait yeah say this weird shit it just makes me really, I just want to know what's going on in there. I'm for it.

There's a lot of whey protein up there. Yeah, it's just so many twists and turns. I feel like it would be cold and industrial and you would hear footsteps but never see. You're just always looking around like,

where the fuck? Where are you? You'd be alone the whole time, but you'd never feel alone. Spooky. The ground is wet for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I just, yeah, I love the way his shit works.

And it's like, when we hang out, it's always pretty normal. Yeah. Like, sometimes he'll do like, it's really funny when he does that scream thing. Yeah, that's hilarious. But he doesn't get crazy weird when you're hanging out. I'll tell you this.

I love letting him like really sit in it. He will take a nap on a hardwood floor is something Zach will do, which is pretty well. Well, if your body's made of also hardwood, it's really just going home for him. It's just like us sleeping on a soft bed. Yeah. It's the same reason. Hot people can be's just like us sleeping on a soft bed. Yeah, yeah. It's the same reason I... Hot people can be just as weird as not hot people. Yeah.

You know? Same reason I sleep on a bed made of ketchup packets. It's just what I made of. I sleep on the biggest piece of French toast you've ever seen. Holla French toast. It's like a prop from Double Dare. I have it switched out every week. Double on it.

Yeah, the beautiful dark twisted Montezac Toscano is perfect. Amy, time for your fourth and your final picks. Oh, man. Oh, okay. Already? It's only been two and a half hours. Okay. So many David moments to choose from. But one of my favorites.

Don't you dare. 20 on the fat one. Oh, yeah. The way this came up was I wasn't sure if David had said cop fight or cock fight. And I asked. And he said, I don't care either way. I got 20 on the fat one. What was the episode?

Barbecue. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care either way, I got 20 on the fat one. Which was also a great episode. Great episode. That was a great episode. Spawned a lot of controversy.

Also awesome on Portland brought us a barbecue novelty apron. Yeah. Oh my gosh. And oven mitts. Yeah, man. We get so many gifts. Yeah. 20

on the fat one. 20 on the fat one. Okay. This is my final? Oh, man. Somebody brought you a I got 20 on the fat one hat, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Edwin, you better be the next on deck to trade it back

you motherfucker. I saw that. out of the gate I'm like that thing's fucking going away I want it back so bad who has it Edwin Hobbs

yeah I'm dropping full names I hope they doxy no I'm just he's at home he just ripped it in half dude okay

oh man this one's for Shane. On the movies that make you cry draft. Oh, God damn it. I have an apology to give out because Shane drafted Click, which I had not yet seen. You cried at Click? There's a part. There's a part.

My face. Where the kids, where their lives go by? I take it all back Well yeah When they're in the rain Uh huh Oh god And he dies Yeah

Yep You were right Shane And that's the only time I'll ever say that Click Click Very sad movie Click click

Boom Shane's been right a few times Like one time He ate a couple tacos And told me he was gonna Go get a couple more And he was right He did That is So funny Shane's been right a few times. Like one time he ate a couple tacos and told me he was going to go get a couple more and he was right.

He did. That is so funny. He nailed it. He was right. He did that. One time he said he was going to go scrub up, Baba, and he did. And then he took it. Sometimes he does things without saying them. Like one time he didn't say I'm going to leave my towel wherever the fuck I leave it, but he did.

Hey, Baba. Hey, Bubba. Hey, Bubba. How you doing, Bubba? Those tacos, my sport for the war. I call people Bubba sometimes. I like it. I love Bubba. Yeah, I got Madison after this.

Scrub up, Bubba. And I'm in a Poughkeepsie. Yeah, I'm going to go scrub up. Then I got to go down to Sheboygan. I got a one-nighter at a pizza shop. I'm in a Cooughkeepsie. And I'm going to go scrub up. And I got to go down to Sheboygan. I got a one-nighter at a pizza shop. I'm in a Coeur d'Alene. I'm in Coeur d'Alene. I got to go to Urgent Care.

I got gravy in my ear again. This is a real rollercoaster episode for Shane. Yeah. He's really the fifth man in here. He's going to go through a bunch of fucking emotions and by the end of it he'll be like, alright, I feel the same as I did. David, time for your final pick. Oh, my final pick

is going to be on a whole episode, the sandwich draft. Like, build a sandwich. Oh, build a sandwich. That had the apple butter riff that was just so fucking funny. That's about as weird. It let me get about as weird as I get.

I really love, I like that. That draft was so much fun. And then you give that horse a bite of that apple. What was it? So fucking funny. Clarence. His name was Clarence. Clarence was the horse's name.

The horse's name was Clarence. It was, oh, God. It was so much. It reminded me of your Shaq story. Yeah. Just like beautiful and like you're so wrapped up in the story. And then you remember, oh, he's talking about putting apple butter on a waffle sandwich. That's what this is all about.

That's this very serious moment about apple butter on a waffle sandwich. A tender moment about this stupid fucking sandwich I invented. Oh, that's tight. Yeah, so the sandwich dropped. I loved it. Excellent pick. It's time for my final pick. It got mentioned earlier,

but I'm going to make it an official pick. I'm taking the Marissa giggle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. It's when you know something's funny. It's when you know something's actually funny. Some of the best ones are when Amy does it too

when Amy's like Marissa knows like when we were talking about a cocaine penis no I don't she's like no I don't

no I don't Jesse this is being recorded I did not it's just it's like the you know like

I don't know when you do a lot of comedy it's like you're used to making crowds laugh and all that it's still awesome then you hear your friend in the back laugh you hear your friend, it's like you're used to making crowds laugh. Then you hear your friend in the back laugh. You hear your friend in the back and you're like,

that's what's up. Yeah, that's a good one. And the AFV version of that is the Marissa giggle. When you get it, you're like, fuck yeah. It's like Carson calling you to the couch. Right, yeah, it is. You're like, tight. I'm doing it.

I feel like I often get caught trying to relate to her because she's the other woman in the room and then I forget that I'm doing it. I feel like I often get caught trying to relate to her because she's the other woman in the room and then I forget that I'm garbage and she's not. Because it's always a no. I'm like, you get it, right? You know about giving HJs on the train hot sauce hand drops?

Street vodka. Street vodka, you get it. She just laid it over like, oh no, no, I don't. No, I don't get it. Sorry, no, sorry, no, I don't. No, I don't get it. Sorry, no, sorry, no, I don't. Oh, sweet. I'm going to Jim Carrey's dinner party. Young Six God was all over the Toronto International Film Festival.

Yeah. One Toronto. Yeah. Yeah, the Marissa Giggles. Sean, it's time for your final pick. My final pick is going to be, I think the most, the best pick I want to say is the Star Spangled

Banner from One Hit Wonders. I had that on my list too. As a whole, that's like that was one where I was like, fucking A, dude, that is you got to be out of the bun, out of the box thinking all over the place. That was a weird one.

You're on the moon when you're like One Hit Wonders. Oh, the Star Spangled Banner, dude. Yeah, that was a weird one. You're on the moon when you like one hit wonders. Oh, the star spangled banner, dude. Yeah, I don't know how that happened. People have been on their heels ever since. Seriously. You gotta keep them dancing. That was when they knew about David. It was for Nerminal.

That was a for Nerminal pick. Herp to bird him. I've been known for years, but that was like when the world found out. That's how they know. What kind of shit was going on? The Johnny Greenwood fucking song. That was a big one.

There's been a lot of weird ones. Bacon as a condiment was wild. Oh, still. Psychopath. Still we hear about that one. I'm embroiled in conflict. It's just how I was raised.

That's it? So that's the fifth pick. We did it. So we did. We've done 100. Just to recap, Amy, you went first. You took this moment. God.

Right here. Then you took Denver High Plains Live, dating episode with Nicole Byer. I got 20 on the fat one, and then Shane drafting Click. David, you went second. You took hearing people say their dates, like basically the glow up. Me saying, welcome.

The live AFE at South by Southwest in Austin. The beautiful dark twisted mind of Zach Toscani. And then the build a sandwich episode. I went third. I took the mall episode. The sampler platter. Incident. The King Tuff riff.

Pretty baby. And then Marissa Gagel. Pretty baby. Pretty baby. Pretty baby. Pretty baby. And then the Marissa giggle. Pretty baby. Pretty baby. Pretty baby. Come on, baby. Pretty baby. I'm gonna give you something nice.

The Marissa giggle. Put 20 on the fat one, baby. It means so much different stuff. I know. Sean, you went last. You took the listeners, the Taco Bell episode, my Grape Nuts pick, the getting the garbage fire to yourself moment, and then the Star Spangled Banner pick.

We left a ton of stuff. I mean, yeah. It was so hard. The entirety of the show. The entirety of the show. It's so hard to synthesize. Waffle Toppuff. It came up a few times, but I was, in general, just any time singing happens.

Yeah. Because Sean's so bad. And it pisses his girlfriend off. Your girlfriend doesn't like when you sing on here? I feel the Grand Canyon would think she doesn't like about me. Anytime Ian sings, either in an accent or one genre sung as a different genre. That is true. One of my favorites being a very Jewish, I will always love you.

And I. And I. I don't even know if I can recreate that. Link 182. And I. They will always love you. Bubba la. Bubba.

For real, always. I'm always going to love you. Always going to love you. All the singing is good. Let's be trying to blink our theme song. It's the final countdown. And I am the man who will fight for your honor. Have you heard the punk cover of that?

No, is it Me First in the Gimme Givies? We'll listen to it in the car. Yeah. It might not be Me First. It might be somebody else. Really? I think it is, yeah. I thought they cornered the market, I'll tell you.

Bro, no way. Shaklackity. Both Louis Wayman sang it, and then it becoming the big closer. Yeah. God, the Rock St. Gay episode was amazing. Oh, yes. Very special to me. Her drafting that

Maxwell cover of the Kate Bush song as a fuck jam. It's all just about being how it's horrible to be a woman. So good. She stays working. New friends, specifically Ne-El. Me and Ne-El on this show I wouldn't have known her. so good she stays working like new friends specifically

yeah like me and Miel on this show I wouldn't have known her you gotta meet Miel I know I want to

Miel rules I wanna meet her so much she does and like without this I never well maybe she's like so like

ingrained you know what I mean just having people we didn't know that well come together it's just it's all beautiful I had one time

David called me the Elsa Brownie Moana. Yeah, he's funny. I'm terrified of that being the funniest thing. I also have one thing that's sort of a beef, because I was supposed to be on smells, but then you had a scheduling issue, and I'm really mad no one picked What the Rock is Cooking.

Oh. Damn. Or Success. You guys didn't say Smell of Success? The Sweet Smell of Success. Damn picked What the Rock is Cooking. Oh. Damn. Or Success. You guys didn't say Smell of Success? The Sweet Smell of Success. Damn. What the Rock is Cooking. That's a fucking amazing pitch right there.

Damn. Well, too bad you weren't on the episode. It's a time travel pitch. Wacky Circus Gang. What was that? That was Bands, right? Insane Clown Posse. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll stand by it. Oh, Big Bong Titty Bitch. Oh, yeah, Big Bong Titty Bitch. Molloy said. Big Bong Titty Bitch was so fun. Can we talk about Fart Barf Knuckle on here, too? Fart Barf Knuckle on here? There was one a couple weeks ago that you had.

Oh, was it the Bradley Cooper? Bradley Bruper? Bradley Bruper. Bradley Bruper. Bradley Bruper. Also good moments when Malloy shows up with Duncan. Yeah. Sweet Duncan from a mouth.

AFE runs on Duncan. And how much fun we have at the Roost together. Love the Roost. We'll be there tonight. You agreed. You agreed. You agreed. You agreed. Man, you're just gonna have to get extra drunk. God, there's so much more. Thank you so much for listening. We gotta wrap it up

because we gotta record another one of these for your ass. God, I'm so sorry, Marissa. The next one will be 10 minutes long. Just one more baby for real thank you huh thank you

oh yeah of course 100% thank you thank you Sean then thank you and thank you Marissa I love all of you thank you

thank you too it's just a love fest guys I mean seriously man I'm glad to do it every week this is one of the best things I've ever been a part of in my whole life

and it's amazing he killed a guy that we get to do and that was fucking awesome thank god I brought David and Sean together in this life ever been a part of in my whole life. And it's amazing that we get to do it. And that was fucking awesome, dude. Thank God I brought David and Sean together in this life. And can take all the credit for it.

You did. You told us that we'd be really fast friends. You did say that, and then it worked. Then we were unemployed at the mall together. Thank God that I was just sitting at Dante's one time acting like I knew things about basketball and Ian pulled up next to me and sat down because everybody else was a bummer there. What did you say you guys, who were you guys talking about? It was a specific basketball player you were talking about.

Oh, I can't remember. We were watching. I was just sitting there and Ian's like, you know how if you act like you know something, people just assume that you do because like, why would you be lying about that? Yeah. So I just went over the top like, oh dude, it was probably like fucking Peja Stojakovic or something like that. Like, I pulled like a deep cut and I was like, dude, Stojakovic's blowing it up. Dude, Peja Stojakovic, dude.

Mike Mascala. Shout out to everyone on the subreddit, on Instagram. Everybody. You know what to do. Angels. We got to end this episode because it's been so long. We fucking love you. Yep.

You guys are the best. Thank you for rocking with us through 100 episodes. Thank you in advance for rocking with us through the next 60. Yeah. And after that. We don't. You make your own decision. We'll see.

We can only guarantee you 60 more good ones. We're going to keep doing them. Yeah, yeah. They're just not going to be dank after a while. But spread over those next 100. 60 will only be good. Yeah. We're just going to go through and try our best to repeat verbatim the first episode

of 161. We should just restart them. We're starting over. We'll be drafting... Go off memory. It's fucking... The first one was... The sandwiches, right?

No, the very first episode was Airheads. Oh, that's right. What was the first one? 99. 99? We just did the Michael Jackson one. It was the... Oh, it was songs.

The bands, yeah, yeah. Yeah, bands. 101, you got to do best moments, and then bands for oh and then come back it's a serpentine oh yeah exactly

oh serpentine I was gonna say Jacob's Ladder I figured it was not on mic so next week yeah yeah you get it listen we gotta fucking go tune in again next week

for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Sneeze God Slut Him Off Of all fantasy everything. Sneeze God, slat him off! Also, shaklakity! Yeah! It's 100.

We gotta give it to him. Yeah, we gotta give him a shaklakity. Hi, Mom! that was a hate gun podcast