All Fantasy Everything - Amusement Park Attractions (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Okay, imagine a sign that says 'You must be this rad to listen to this podcast.' And then imagine the sign has a gecko wearing sunglasses on a jet ski slam dunking a basketball on a hoop being held up by Wesley Snipes as Blade. Guest: Katie Nolan @katienolan IG: @natiekolan Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode... Oh, fuck. Oh, man. It's okay.

It's okay. Keep it in. Keep it in. You got this. You only got hired because you're hot. Sorry. Stop it. Stop it.

I know. Keep it in. That is how I got this job, though. I'm doing a hot guy. I'm doing a hot guy dance. This is my hot guy Sorry. Stop it. Stop it. I know. Keep it in. That is how I got this job, though. I'm doing a Hawkeye dance. That's actually helping. If you could do that more, it'll help us all. Marissa, this is part of it. They need to see. Let them into the chef's table.

On today's episode, oh God. On today's episode, we're drafting amusement park attractions. Joining us today is Emmy Award winner and Guinness World Records holder Katie Nolan. You can catch Katie commentating for Apple TV Plus' Friday Night Baseball, and she's joining us today for her 12th draft. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends Sean Jordan and David

Borey. Let's hear the theme song. Welcome to another Brader Observer Live! It's the podcast that is just struggling out of the gate, but it's putting it together. That was nice, though. It's putting it together. That's nice. We need to shake it up, man.

It'll be okay. Let the world burn a little bit. It'll be okay. Katie, where'd you go? I'm here. I'm in shame. Sean's like a baby. If you leave your Zoom camera, he thinks you're gone. I don't know. know wait is Katie still there

he doesn't have object permanence yet he's working on it but he doesn't have it yet does Maxine have object permanence yet no it's funny man it is funny you play peekaboo with her yeah she's not really she's just kind of thinking peekaboo is funny so it's more scary than anything

she put her hands in the she put her hands in the fireplace not where there was a fire going but i looked over and i yelled pretty sternly and then she first time i've seen her get like do the frown and slow cry and i'm just like yeah i was i was saying sorry for the rest of the day to something who doesn't know what sorry means or any gestures or anything but it's like that'll that'll get you you feel like a real that never happened with my dad rick not mine either i don't remember my dad ever feeling like he was like it was a little much i think he always was like this is the right amount yeah yeah like dad calling me all those names and tweaking my ankle doesn't make me tougher like you think it does we don't need to wrestle you're six six three 350. It doesn't make you softer. That's true. I was going to say a little. I was a little.

It made me a little softer. It made you softer, Sean. You're an absolute. Somehow it did. Somehow it did. You're a beanbag, Jared. You're a body cushion. You're absolutely, you're lovable.

I'm pretty, pretty easy going. Yeah. You're a. Is that the word? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You're easy breezy, dude. Beautiful. Cool breeze, I call you. Cover girl. Cover girl. Oh, yeah. We. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You're easy breezy, dude. Beautiful. Cool breeze, I call you. Cover girl. Cover girl. Oh, yeah. We get it. We get it.

It's that kind of podcast. Oh, it's been a while. Did it start? Because I screwed it up. And we just went on without- Okay. Because I was talking when you were talking. I was mortified by it.

I just want to make sure we're in. We're in it. Okay. The cage door is closed. We're leaving it all in right now. You know what I mean? Okay. We're not making

we're not we're not doing fucking you know french chef like intricate this is like a we're cooking up a gumbo throw yeah whatever you want we're not one of those podcasts that edits you know what i mean we say stuff and we leave it in we leave it in dude speaking of which speaking of sean was when sean was messing around with ivermectin we let you hear about it we let you know about that we took you behind the scenes on sean's ivermectin journey yeah i know what that is yeah for sure so i know the proper way to stick up for myself here i know i'm just choosing right would be that of course you're you used joe rogan's uh medical advice is what you would say because he's a doctor because i knew yes so we are being sarcastic. So yeah, no, I was definitely using it.

Yep, definitely. When I joined ISIS, because I wasn't completely clear on exactly what it was they were doing. You thought it was an ice cream delivery service. Which I understand. I thought it sounded good. I was like, they're in the desert. It gets hot.

They're going to sell a lot of ice cream. I didn't look into it. But did we edit that out of the podcast? No. I thought it was called Nysis, and I was like, why not? I could get on board with that. Let's all be nice around the world. Kill them with kindness with Nysis.

They should, if they're listening, they should. That's a good rebrand for them. That's a strong rebrand. They need it. They keep the monkey bars, take everything elserand. They need it. They need it. They keep the monkey bars, take everything else out, restructure it around the monkey bars. They're fun.

There's no getting around it. I don't think I could do monkey bars anymore. I don't think I could get across. For sure not. Guys, I walked up a hill in San Francisco next to a world-class athlete, Hunter Pence, and I swallowed my own vomit six times. One hill, one block. What hill?

It was like one of those ones, you know, in San Francisco. One of the ones? Yeah, times one hill one block what what what hill it was like one of those ones you know in san francisco yeah but it was one block it wasn't a lot yeah but did it have stairs those are the worst where you're like okay so this isn't a regular regular block cars could have probably legally parked on it um i couldn't walk up it without um again six times in my mouth held it and was like, got this. Real bomb? Mm-hmm. And then I had to shove it back down. Dim sum bomb?

What are we talking about here? Clam chowder? What are we? No, this was espresso. So I was up earlier than I normally am. She took us for espresso. Empty stomach. Empty stomach and ADD meds. That's all I had in my belly.

And so walking up the hill, my skin started to get red and hot. And I was like, I don't think I'm going to make it up this hill. So then I had to get to the like, you got to slow down. Just slow down. Don't try to power through or you'll embarrass yourself. Slow down. And then I'm like stopped halfway. Hunter notices and was like, are you okay?

And then I took my jacket off and I'm all sweaty. And I was like, I don't think I'm doing all right. And then six times I puked into my mouth but I was like if you this man in this city 100 pence is like a god to everybody in San Francisco so I'm like don't embarrass him don't puke on the streets in the morning everyone's gonna think you're hungover you haven't had a drink in like I don't know three months so maybe just hold it together not on purpose purpose. Yeah, yeah. It just happened. I hate that how it goes. Yeah, just replaced it with something else, you know?

It wasn't like a- That's on 100 pence, by the way, just being a bad teammate, taking you up a hill like that. He actually, he kept telling me he was sorry. And I'm like, this isn't your fault. I'm incredibly out of shape. And he was like, no, I shouldn't have put you in that position. It's like, you're making it worse. You could have gone to Mission Street, you know?

Yeah. We could have just- Why great black streets in San Francisco? We could have driven it Mission Street. You know? Yeah. We could have just. He had a car. We could have driven it. Yeah. It's. I'm out of shape was the point of the story. That's.

Taking you up Knob Hill. You know, I'll tell you. That's where we. That's the name of the. What's that? I'll tell you who the knob is in that situation. Knob and. It's me.

Knob and Russian. You take the bus. Is it Shane? Is he the knob? It's Shane Torres. As always. He's the knob of every story. Lifetime knob, dude.

Frickin' knob. What are you doing, you frickin' knob? I'm going to go get cat food later and call someone a knob in the store to see what they do. I can't wait. I want to fight. I can't wait for that. Personally, from where I'm coming from, dude, I can't wait for that. From where I'm sitting, dude, on this chair, on this sort of pink Crate and Barrel-esque

chair. The Danish North Park. In Redondo Beach? Dude, I went to Crate and Barrel to try to get some furniture. You know there's like a 30-week hold on furniture right now? Oh, you can't get furniture. There is no furniture to be had. And yet every man on Raya

is a furniture maker. Explain that. He's not. Is that what's going on out there? Is it just people with lathes? Is that the new thing to tell ladies that you're cool? Yes.

Are we not catching fish anymore? I'm forgetting that I've spent two years inside and dating someone. But when I was on it, I was like, damn, a lot of dudes doing barbecue and making furniture i mean we only have like seven things a lot of dudes lying about making furniture and

yeah at least one picture to back it up where they're like looking at it and lining it up or whatever with the saw if you have like a decent amount of money and you are somebody who works with your brain if you're like you're a wall street guy or an accountant and then you're like let me buy a lathe and some wood or whatever it is. I don't even know what a lathe is. You know what you make with a lathe? You make a lathe-y boy. That's the kind of furniture

you make with a lathe. I'm so happy to be here. Oh, Ian went dark. He turned his camera off. He hated it. I'm still here, but i can't not do anything you think you're the only one who can play god in this universe my friend look at that i'm in oh my god david yours is much better how come i don't have a picture

i don't know why you don't have a picture because you're stupid dude i also i also let the record reflect i stayed the whole time because i know i only get invited because i'm hot so i make sure to never turn off we all only get invited thank you the only reason any of us are here is because of how hot we are and i mean also to that background picture i've had that on some very important meetings on accident and just been like, oh, sorry, pitching to buyers. This is just a picture of me sweaty. Wait, could be worse. My Gmail picture is from when I did the Madison Bumgarner and I put straws in six beers and tried to drink them all at the same time.

And I don't get that that comes up in important situations. I love it. i love it i love it my email's got 187 in it the police code for murder because i thought gmail was never going to take off wow do you invest i'd love to know where your money is so i know not to put mine there crypto bro crypto any kind of crypto you can get your hands on and that of course is a crip coin yeah a crypto. It's a fiat currency. It's crypto. It's money that you pour blue Kool-Aid all over. And now it's crypto. And NFTs.

And those are what you think they are. What are they, Sean? Dead bloods. That's just what we call them. Oh, heavens. Oh, god bless you katie congratulations on your new gig oh thank you so much it's crazy right what who saw that coming not me honestly me yeah well yeah you've always been yeah the nostradamus of the podcast i've been tracking this whole thing. Very specific. He knew Apple was going to get baseball. He knew they were going to put you on there.

And this was in 1997. Wow. No. Would have been helpful. You know what? If I knew it then, then it would never have happened. I would have let the thought of it crush me. That's why I didn't tell you. I'm glad you didn't say anything.

Thank you. No, I didn't want you to live under the weight of it. Thank you so much. How old were you in 97? Were you nine? 10. You were 10? I was close. Me too.? Were you nine? 10. You were 10. I was close.

Me too. 87, baby. Big year. A good year. I wasn't even born yet. Whatever. My birthday is next week and I've been telling people, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm turning 26. Your birthday is next week?

Yes, Cinco de Mayo, dude. Come on. Oh, all right. All right. Or when people are listening to this, his birthday will have had happened. Will have had happened. I'm two days away from getting married when this comes out.

How many days away? When this comes out, two days away from getting married. And from getting married. F. Murray Abraham's showing up. Yeah, I'm going to get married, too. Ian's bringing a Murray. Why do I got to know the Murrayray you know why why am i the guy who knows murray because you're the tallest i don't know what you're i don't know what you're

shooting for here is that your wedding haircut that you're that you've got no because when we're you're saying when it airs when does this air some of us are in the dark here a light roasting man may 12th that hurt because it is the wedding haircut no it looks will be done. Don't let it, no, it looks good. That's why I was asking, but I don't know if this is going to air in like three months

and you guys are like, Katie, it's not. This isn't my wedding hoodie. I'll have a different wedding hoodie on. Of course. This is weird because you said

you were going to get a juice box fade if you ever got married and I don't see it. My hair doesn't do it. You got Sam Talen a fade for the wedding and it was amazing.

Also, get you one of these. Oh my God, I didn't even see that. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. That's my my wedding haircut i think these are moves i can make for ian's wedding for mine's got to be a little more tradition yeah oh i'm gonna make tons of moves for ian's wedding i'm shaving half my head yeah i was i was just about to say for your wedding i think i'm going no tie with the suit open shirt, crazy pocket square. Yes.

My pocket square is still, speaking of supply chain issues, my pocket square has not arrived. Go to Men's Warehouse, dude. They got a ton. No one's going to notice if it was nice or not. I'll notice. Should I not say that? Put a Starbucks napkin in there.

Honestly, we're just noticing the color in the print. I don't think I'm going to notice if it's cross-stitched or whatever. I tied it perfectly because I got them both from Men's Warehouse. I got two options for you right here. If you want. You know what I mean? I got a plain white. You'll be pocket squared.

As long as we get a pocket squared away then I'll be alright. God damn it. You're going dark again put a head shut up you what does dilettante mean it was in the newest episode of winning time dilettante dilettante wedding time winning time wedding time is a docu-series i'm making about watching a show like what to expect when you're expecting to get married. What's dilettante? Wedding time. Dilettante is someone who dabbles in something,

who is not a. Oh, so that's what he was saying. He's dabbling as the, okay, I get it. A dabbler, yeah. Was it an insult? Was it used as an insult? Dilettante is an insult, yeah. Yeah, the interim head coach at dilettante.

I get it. They cultivate, according to the internet, a person who cultivates an area of interest, such as the arts, without real commitment or knowledge. Oh, that's different than dabbling. That's different than dabbling. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

It is. I like the art of conversation, so that's why I like to, I ask you what things mean. Partly because you always know, and second, because it's always fun to talk about. From the last episode, you like the fart of conversation. Damn, what happened? What went down? David, I'm trying to get married he was cranking farts in the in the fucking in the in the in the old studio crank apart you rip a fart you can crank a fart and it actually helped paint the picture better when david told me

you were cranking farts look at those hot dogs look at those wieners that's a chicago dog sorry david just took his pants off in the zoom what is this the new york times oh you know runs in the family interesting i love my chicago dog i had a couple chicago i went to comiskey park with dana schwartz my dad and her family it was great sounds fun baseball you know it was baseball baseball so that's that yeah tight anyways i don't think i have the ability to do this but i'm gonna try you can go to i think you have to have a certain um computer don't you i love having what's what kind of computer do you have computer doesn't meet requirements guys i'm not kidding i don't have a mac you work for apple are you on an acer over there i'm on my um i'm on my

espn computer still i haven't sent it back because i can't afford to be without a computer no i understand tell them to come and take it and then fax them a picture of a fucking knife that is like most of my text interactions i don't have any fun pictures on this computer yeah all my pictures are just old headshots of me that's all i got on here oh man you got to get some more you see how the background is moving on mine sure you got a video backdrop i can't even do a picture. Can we all chill, please? What was that? That was half of a headshot. I'm bad at this game.

We doing anything non-video related for the listeners? That's right. It is an audio medium. Sean Jordan is here. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. No longer a Sean-once or She-once. He is married. By the time you're hearing this he's not married i'll be married two days from now oh but more importantly

go to seattle june 2nd don't listen to what ian's about to say i wouldn't go to seattle june 2nd i will be at the hereafter last time i was in seattle katie zero people showed up that's right i said zero no you're kidding. Zero. What do you do? Well, I cried and then I got here. Okay, yeah, I would do that too. I'm going to Seattle this weekend. I'll say something to them. I'll let them know. For the marriage? Yeah, I'm going to let them know

that that was wrong what they did to you. Man, someone sent me a pair of Griffies from back in the day. They sent them at the beginning of quarantine and this blurry backdrop is dank. I don't like it. I got an ill pair of fucking Griffies from back in the day they sent them at the beginning of quarantine and at this blurry backdrops dank but i gotta i gotta ill pair of fucking griffies from somebody regardless seattle june 2nd please go and then i'll be getting a vasectomy at the end of may so i'll be sure to talk about that man cleavage behind his head while you're talking about getting snipped what is happening i'm having another i'm having another ball put in while he's getting

he's got to fill the void in the universe oh my god when you know what you know what i'm digging is all these dudes coming up now it's completely unsolicited dudes will just come up and be like doesn't hurt at all bro and it's like i know what they mean that's nice okay that's weird it's very nice to hear but then some guys come a little too much, and I'm like, or just let me find that out day of, but most of it, if you got something. Nothing like being prepped by a stranger aggressively.

Yeah. For surgery? Yeah. That's a weird bedside manner I didn't ask for. But I love it, man. I was at, yeah. You see these big burly dudes just coming up, doing the right thing, bro. Doesn't even hurt.

It's great. I'm like, tight. That's what I'm talking'm talking about for the record i want it to be known that little guys can get vasectomies too don't feel like that dude you can't you gotta be over six feet it's crazy otherwise they just say good luck that's why they're all kings short kings because they're all products of other short kings who could not unmake... There's a dog being attacked outside my window. I lost my train of thought. It happens. Been there. Can you hear that? No. I could hear it outside

David's window when I was there, though. It's unwell. Oh, when I stopped that dog fight during this podcast? Yeah. That shit was fucked. Anyway, Seattle June 2nd is all I got. Otherwise, watch the Late Late Show. That's why I got my dog concealed carry, just to throw that out there. Sorry to interrupt, but I do think it's important. My dog has-

I don't think you were. Sorry to interrupt. I don't think you are. No, I'm sorry to interrupt. You don't think I was sorry to interrupt? I let Myrtle carry the car keys in between her fingers so that if somebody comes up, she can- Sorry to interrupt.

My dog has a machete. Sorry to interrupt you. My dog has a pretty big machete that I got on vacation in Guatemala. Because also, Katie, they know you can't charge you and your dog for the same crime. That's double jeopardy. That's actually true, but they're trying to change it right now. I'm sorry to interrupt, but they are trying

to change that right now. It's currently in the appellate court system. It's in the second circuit. It's in the second circuit. Actually, I'm going to cut you off. It's in the third circuit. It's actually in the fifth circuit. It's actually in the fifth circuit. They just moved it. I just got an alert on my Apple Watch.

Let me just stop you right there. It's a short circuit. My Apple Watch doesn't say anything like that, and I work there, so I think that you're getting fake notifications. Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt.

Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Katie doesn't even have an Apple computer. I don't believe she has an Apple watch. Sorry to interrupt. I have an Apple watch. You have an Apple strapped I don't believe she has an Apple. Sorry to interrupt. I have an Apple watch. You have an Apple strapped to your wrist like a piece of food. Those are not the same.

I don't think you were sorry to interrupt any of that. I think it was a bit. Sorry to interrupt, but I got the phone that they advertise on TV now. I have that green iPhone. You know how cool I feel? Whoa. Walking around like, yo. I love that.

Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. She's holding up a Granny Smith I love that. Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. She's holding up a Granny Smith apple right now. Sorry to interrupt. They say it's better for making pies. I don't know how to set it up to my phone service. So as of right now, it's basically just a laptop that only works in my house. But that's pretty small.

Sorry to interrupt. This is the only green that matters here. That's your small. Sorry, but it's cool. This is the only green that matters here. That's your actual background. David's iPhone background is a picture of the Hulk that says Smashing. Well, it's the Hulk with Jim Carrey from the Masked Space. Smashing. It says Smashing. Because he said smoking.

It pretty much kills me every time I see it. That's so funny. Yeah, it's one of my favorite things on the internet chat to paulie cassius who made it oh yeah it's funny yeah i would not go see sean jordan in seattle on june 2nd if i were you would not me i don't see any one of you wait what date does this come out may 12th oh you can see me in seattle today oh seattle what's up see me in seattle today at the upper left comedy festival two shows david bory and friends and then david bory and folks don't know the difference uh yeah and then may 20th come to faded comedy denver suba argwall is running her new hour it's

gonna be amazing now those shows i would check out you'd recommend that people go see those but not mine no i you know what i just can't i'm not comfortable putting my name on it but wow okay i'm also not gonna tell him not to go i just i can't be taking the fall for for for men right now i got enough going on that's do you know what i want to give you the space to screw up without it um you know also i. No, I'm getting a vasectomy. Yeah, I'm good. Sean, nobody wants to talk about it. We don't all wear capes, but it's definitely pulled up in the closet. I don't need to know about your semen

just in general. It's not something I think much about. Also, we don't all wear capes. Some of us are uncircumcised. Calm down. I'm just doing it. I've never had sex. Don't plan to. There's going to be a vast difference in how much semen is in your jizz. It doesn't change the amount. We're spreading lies.

I have a tweet I just saved in my drafts. I was like, you can't send that. Anytime anyone says vast difference, I hear vast difference. I can't help it. Stop saying vast difference. It's a weird, you don't need to say it. There's a vast difference between pecans and pralines. And a vast difference It's a weird, you don't need to say it There's a vast difference between pecans and pralines

Yeah And a vast difference Two testicles One praline, one pecan Yep Two nuts This is one of the last fully roped Sean Jordan episodes So just keep that in mind

Oh my god Ted Lasso over here. Stop plugging Apple and get it. She can't stop. They're going to be plugging you soon. They'll get you a computer. They're going to plug your Apple.

No, you still rope. It just can't be a kid. She's going to lose her coffee. It just can't be a kid anymore, but it ropes. My new plan today is to try to get Katie to do a spit take. I just got a new comfitter. Don't make me.

You don't have to throw it out if you spit coffee i mean coffee with milk in it when it gets on stuff but don't worry about david so much but june 2nd make sure your night's free in seattle beautiful summer night probably you don't want to go inside yeah while we're doing the show in a parking lot of a waste of a night great you could be a drive-in movie theater oh yeah do those still i hope those stick around it feels like a year ago everybody was like that was the bees knees and i feel like they're going away yeah yeah well anywho that's cool right yeah i took a knee for that let the record reflect That was cool, right? Yeah.

I took a knee for that. Let the record reflect. Katie Nolan is here. At Katie Nolan on Twitter. Now, if you're looking for her on Instagram, do a fun little trick where it's Katie colon flipped. Yeah, yeah. The first two letters. Did you see what I did there?

Did you catch on to that? A lot of people take some a sec, but once you catch it's like damn i saw it and i i probably no joke chuckled for about 45 minutes uh-huh i grew up with a naty naty colon so it was weird for me because i was like is this naty from jfk doctor for that i thought it was something different i like you know how rastafarians say natty dreadlocks yeah. I thought it was like that for your butthole. Oh, yeah. But this makes way more fun. That's fun.

What was the last part you threw on you? You threw that last part away. What did you say? Like Natty Dreadlock. I thought it was like a Natty colon. Like a butthole. A butthole. Yeah.

A butthole. For your butthole. A butthole. For your butthole. Do you say the T in butthole, Katie, when you say it? I sure don't. Butthole. I sure don't.

I never noticed that until the internet. And then everyone's like, you say butthole, Katie, when you say it? I sure don't. Butthole. I sure don't. I never noticed that until the internet. And then everyone's like, you say butthole. Butthole. So I didn't know that I did that. But I guess I say butthole. My butthole cleans itself. I don't use toilet paper, that kind of, you know, those kind of sentences. Right.

I would say like, I'm not going to actually do this. I decided while scanning the possible sentences, I decided, you know what? This isn't for me. Let somebody else do this. Let's leave it on the table. Let's leave that there. Scrand a couple runners. Sorry, only talking baseball now.

What's up? A little, I see an eye double over the middle. That's one of them. That's not bad. That's pretty good. I like that. Short porch, short porch.

Litter porch porch long jacket. Can of corn. Can of corn. Yep. Yeah, you're getting obscure. I'm talking just like, you know. I lost this whole bit. I lost this whole bit.

I wanted to impress you guys. I lost it. I don't know. I think you're fine. Yeah. I'm trying my best. You're doing great. Thanks, guys.

I don't know. He is fine. This is a great looking podcast right now. We're all fine. That's all there is to it. Yeah. That's fine. And I didn't say that, but.

He was fine. He was fine. David's wearing a Keith sweatshirt. So it's going to affect the tone of everything we go through. Hey, do the riddle. Drop the riddle on him real quick. How can you be wearing a sweatshirt when all you're wearing is a t-shirt? I know the answer.

Is it because Keith sweats on his t-shirt? That's 100% right. $5, so much and a new and a brand new kia sorrento congratulations first last and only paid guest five thousand dollars for getting that right kia the official motorist of keith sweat kia sweat come on what Come on. What are we doing? What are we doing? Lathie boy? Kietz Sweat? I'm out of here. Kietz Sweat Rento. Oh, man. I told you it's my Sunday, and I'm not...

I won't continue to apologize. Kevon, your pants. Kevon, your pants. Kevon, your pants. Out of the playoffs. My legacy. Katie, you were... Out of the playoffs.

Friday night baseball on... Friday night baseball. Apple Plus. Apple TV Baseball on Apple Plus. Apple TV Plus. Apple TV Plus. It's fantastic. People can check you out there with the baseball games. I'm going to have a podcast at some point. It's just being in the booth is so out of left field. Oh, come on.

This is why they pay her. Statistically. But I just figured I'd give myself a couple weeks to A, get back to work because it had been a minute, and B, adjust to a job I've literally never even thought about how I would do before. Yeah. But eventually I'll have other places that you can find me if you don't like baseball but i will say my whole goal of this thing is like i think there's a lot of people out there who would like baseball but they're just they need also a little bit of entertainment in between all of the stuff and that's kind of what i'm trying to do so if you don't like baseball but you'd like to then friday nights are for you folks that's me for a wit for a wit like you i think i've it feels to me like there's a lot of space and

we're always talking about speeding up the game, and I'm like, let the game be as slow as it wants to be. I could fill that space with stuff. We could talk about how ump's pants are way too big, and that somebody should be wearing them. It looks like they took a dump's pants. They are huge. Welcome back, David, in a big way.

In a big way. Gone but not forgotten. The dump hire? The dump hire. That's it. If you just went out and be like, hey, your pants suck, you look like a dump hire and then just smoked a dinger.

Oh, he'll talk. He'll say, you're out of here. He'll do one of those really dramatic points. You know what's out of here is that ball. Looks like you pooped your pants and run the bases backwards. So anyway, baseball on fridays hey dumpire did you poop your pants or what it's basically like if this was happening during the slow parts of a baseball game right yeah let me tell you who hates that but people who really like baseball the way that it currently

is oh they'll be dead soon but i will not i will not be deterred they'll be dead soon. But I will not be deterred. It will be dead soon. I don't know what Twitter is. Every week, it's like being in Seattle and nobody shows up to your show, but you have to do it anyway. By the way, did you do it anyway?

Did you tell the jokes to an empty room? No, they brought that up. Bless their hearts, the people doing the show. They're like, we can still do it. And I go, nah.

Let's go have a couple bowls of loudmouth soup and talk about it, huh? Let's just call this what it is, and this is a failed attempt at me doing stand-up in Seattle. A couple of pops. I've done that in many cities. It is not a dank feeling.

Boy. But, you know, hopefully this time will be different. They said it's looking all right. We know this time will be different. We'll make sure of it. You also usually know when you're like, okay, yeah, I'll come to Toledo, but now I can't. I mean, Dan is stranded in Winnipeg right now. Is he doing rumors?

I think so. I think so. I'm doing that this summer. He said he loved it. He was like the club. He loved it. But he, first of all, had to take, there's no direct flight that he could take to get there. And then also, he got COVID, so they won't let him leave.

So now he lives in Canada. Can I say that Canadian clubs love Dan? I was in Calgary, and they had a cutout of his face in the manager's office. What? Yeah, it was crazy. I texted it to him. That's creepy. Yeah, they love it.

Clubs love Dan. I'm going to go with you, David. Audiences love Dan. I love Dan. To Winnipeg, Manitoba? Katie loves Dan. Yeah, I want to go. All right, but you have to fight.

You and Claire, you got to be an opener now. Damn, you got sung. David, I don't really want to go anymore. Of course, I still want to go. Claire O'Kane's featuring. David, something came up. Of course, I want to go. Imagine that beat going to Winnipeg and not being able to

jet wow wow is that a canadian hockey team or something no that's a hockey team david i'm not a hockey guy i have a whole joke about it come out to see my new hour got a dm from mars saying nice that's all i wanted out of that yeah but she dm'd you she didn't put it in the group chat because she didn't want us to know you were getting a compliment. That joke is between me and Marissa. You fucking... Katie got it, but the rest of you... No, I thought it was Canadian football.

The rest of you can get cock-a-muff and yum as far as I'm concerned. Whoa. You put some mustard on that, David, and you're off to the races. My name's Ian Carmel. It always has been Ian Carmel on Twitter, Ian Carmel on that, David, and you're off to the races. My name's Ian Carmel. It always has been. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.

Ian Carmel on Jewish DMing with Marissa about Canadian hockey team references. Your name hasn't always been Ian Carmel. For a while, it was IK Cool Joe. Fuck you. Did you say Joe because you were afraid of saying Jew? IK Cool Joe. That was your name back in the day because you're jailish. I can't call jail.

That was your name back in the day. Because you're jailish. I like that David thinks I can say whatever I want as long as I say jail and not jail. Jail. And then I stop. Hi. It's Mars from the future here to plug some shows that Ian Carmel just booked. Seattle, June 3rd. You can see him do stand-up at the Hereafter.

It's the night after Sean Jordan headlines the exact same spot. There's going to be two shows, 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. Make a trip to the Pacific Northwest to see your two favorite sweet boys do stand-up. Tickets available at thecrocodile.com or visit the link in Ian's Twitter or Instagram. Okay, back at the crocodile.com or visit the link Indians, Twitter, or Instagram. Okay. Back to the show. Watch the late, late show while you can, while you can,

while you can. Got another year of it left. Uh, I'm still the, the old sidekick on there. What else? I'm around LA doing standup comedy. I am going to be officiating Sean's wedding in a couple of days.

I am going to be nude andating sean's wedding in a couple days i am going to be nude and being wrestled by the police shortly after that i'm gonna go downtown tear some statues up i'm gonna go downtown uh they're gonna bring me downtown yeah he's gonna put his bean in the sugar bowl that's right last episode you missed it katie i'm sorry that's okay i still laughed out of respect i appreciate it uh i don't have anything else to put up listen to all fantasy everything uh watch the late show read the 70 000 books that your future wife keeps writing oh yeah read all the books that marissa right or the marissa calling the teacher mom that's the most we were to find

I hated that I hated that so much calling the teacher mom you know the books that Dana writes anatomy a love story immortality a love story he just wants to move on so bad yeah i get it

i get it there's a bunch of them in the background i can't believe you said marissa was your wife i'm that guy in like 12th grade still bringing it up dude that kills people do that and you're like hey i don't want this new group of friends to know about that stop it i hate that because i got those things that's what happened to me when i got read by that gay guy oh yeah i'm bringing it all back now i'm sorry i got read by this dude i peed on on accident once david got read like a book that's the worst but he peed on him he peed on him okay but he deserves to be read yeah you peed on a guy okay oh you oh that's so crazy that's so crazy in certain contexts i guess i can see what i'm doing but this isn't that i don't think what a wild wayward youth i had yeah i was out here in

these streets katie sometimes guys get beat on i was staying a shower in a hotel one time i was showering in a hotel room that all of us were staying and my friend came in because we leave the door unlocked so people could go to the bathroom and he just peed under the shower curtain onto my feet on purpose what is wrong with men why won't you all go to therapy so much stuff i've been to a lot of therapy it didn't stop me from getting red like a book yeah my therapist peed on me oh my god that's i heard they charge extra for that yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. My shirts didn't cover it. It was a whole thing. They never do.

A whole thing. Came out of a hole on his penis. All right. Okay. Theme parks. All right. I'm having a great time, guys. We're getting here today to draft amusement park rides.

That's right. Amusement park rides. Attractions. Attractions. Attractions. Very important distinction. Very important distinction very important distinction this was voted on by our patreon members who we love and support and know everything about we know every time they've voted on something we don't even question it in our

minds we just know it's the main thing i know it's the main thing i know uh and and it's a very exciting topic one that one that I think we're all excited. What is everyone's theme park experience? I guess it'll unfold over the next four to five hours, but just off the top. You like to know. Not if I want to still get married in two weeks. It won't take four or five hours.

Boy, that hurt, Katie. What'd she say? She said, wouldn't you like to know? I asked an earnest question and she said, wouldn't you like to know? Oh, and then she was mean to you? No, she was mean to me in saying that. I'm being coy.

I'm being coy so that the listener doesn't get the answers they're looking for in the first few minutes, and then they leave, guys. I'm trying to get you that listen time. I'm trying to get these people to hear some of the ads so you get some of the kickbacks. I'm trying to make this podcast make you money. I love that you think we know how podcasting works. Yeah, I don't know. I don't either. Is this being recorded? I thought this you think we know how podcasting works. I don't even.

Is this being recorded? I thought this was AM radio until like three weeks ago. Anyway, it is a parking lot out there on the 10, so make sure you leave early if you're trying to get to the beach today. But you're not going to want it because it is overcast in sunny Los Angeles. High temperatures of 78, but it is smoggy. It is muggy. It is a great day to stay inside and uh

with what's in the theaters this week we go down to sean jordan the new top gun thanks sean jordan and then i come in like 20 minutes later while they're on like a murder story i go maverick maverick maverick maverick's in the theater. That's what you want to see. Just start reading off the times it's showing at your local theater. You got a 720. That'll be a Regal Fox 12.

Right. That child is fatherless, but it'll be a Regal Fox 12. That's where you want to go. Good popcorn, cheap soda. Floors aren't that sticky. The reason we're guided today is to draft amusement park attractions the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors to play between the three of you and we throw and shoot

rock paper scissors shoot oh Katie that was smooth Katie David wins but that was smooth oh middle finger rude getting back now I just hate when he wins with a loss I hate the loss i hate the rule i hate the rule but i'm not gonna waste anyone's time fighting it i do this every time

i'm here we had two scissors and a paper so maybe i just don't like david yeah yeah i believe it was aristotle who first said don't hate the player you don't believe that you know that in your whole in your whole heart that was aristotle and davidorey is the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors. David, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. What a what? What do you say? What is that, gal?

That's a great question. It's kind of like when you go into Topgolf and you get golf balls out into the green, you see, and you're not really good at golfing. And then you look and you're like, where're all out of golf balls. So they got that golf ball picker-upper that just goes from the left to the right and then it goes over to the right to the left and picks up all the golf balls for you and it gets them back in the thing. So you can just keep hitting golf balls all night and get drunk with your friends and it's fun. Go to Topgolf. Basically

what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round. Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Thank you so much. Yeah, I appreciate it. You're welcome. Yeah, absolutely. I'm happy to explain it any time. David, keep that in mind. What will the order of today's All Fantasy be happy to explain it I'm getting that in mind what will the order today's all fantasy shut the fuck up sorry to interrupt shut the fuck up

sorry to interrupt shut the fuck up shut your stupid fucking mouth just keep your fucking mouth closed hey google play fallout boy hey siri okay it's hey siri I work for apple tv that's right I can't tell with that shit ass computer you got

you know what what is this what are we looking at here is that two iPhones oh you're a drug dealer real cool get on my level Katie just held up a necklace full of ears hold on hold on let me go ahead and put my

earbuds in to my already oh what's this what's all this do those connect to your computer i don't think so they could they might they might i don't know how any of the stuff i've been given works you guys are still communicating with phones i communicate with the universal language of music wow you didn't touch a single a single string did you laura just knocked on the door and she goes guess what's playing in the kitchen it's fallout boy Wow. You didn't touch a single string, did you? Laura just knocked on the door and she goes, guess what's playing in the kitchen? It's Fall Out Boy.

Nice. That's hilarious. That could happen even if you didn't just ask it to happen. That happens a lot. Max has eaten many a cracker to Fall Out Boy. A lot of crackers have been eaten at Fall Out Boy. Which song, though, you wonder, when you ask it to do something, which song of Fall Out Boys would it start with? Thanks for the memories. Thanks for the memories. That going down swinging one.

Sugar, number one. Sugar We're Going Down. I believe it's called Sugar We're Going Down. Some of it's parenthetical, I bet. I just don't remember which. Okay. David, what would your favorite stage draft be? Shit. I gotta go me,

first, and the Gimme Gimmies. Oh, that was a fun concert. Had a great time. We're on our way there and we're like, alright, so we're not gonna get in the pit, right? And then we couldn't have gone to the pit more linearly than we did. I mean, it was like just straight into the pit. Shane then we couldn't have gone to the pit more linearly than we did i

mean it was like just straight into the pit that's the first shane just told me a story about going to the pit he's in the pit yeah that boy shane can pit i heard that boy shane can pit me first david first that's it david starting with david starting with dav I'm going to say Katie first Keep your enemies close Katie second I'm in the two hole Putting Katie in the two hole there

She's the two hole That's for banjo hitters I'm using terms I heard on Mr. 300 Who's hitting clean up Shots banjo hitters. I'm using terms I heard on Mr. 300. Who's hitting clean up? Shots. Clean up. I'm on deck. Splits at practice. Sean's third and then Ian's fourth.

On the hot corner, which guys, baseball term. Baseball term. Hot corner. It's everywhere. Baseball's everywhere. I'm batting clean up and in the hot corner. Is third not cleanup? Cleanup is fourth. What's third? Is third on deck?

No, on deck. No. I don't give a darn. What are you talking about? What's third? It's the three hole. It's the third spot. It's cleanup is the one that has the name.

There's lead off, cleanup. Yeah. And then bottom of the order, I feel like, is a phrase. Yeah, bottom of the order. You don't really say... I don't have time to do this. They're paying you to do this, huh? Not to explain

the absolute basics, no. That's not my job, unfortunately. Now, Katie, let's assume somebody's never heard of baseball. Okay. Is that your middle finger? No, it's not. Almost had to come right on down there.

Okay, so we have an order. I'm in the hot corner, which means we will get to David's first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard

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That's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything. The only podcast that has ever existed. The only media that has ever existed. The only media that has ever existed, really, other than, of course, Friday Night Baseball with Katie Nolan

on Apple TV+. Make sure you tune in. Make sure you tune in, bro. Tune in, bro. Yeah, it's alright. It's alright. Alright, bub. Don't tune in now. It's alright. David Boy, we're drafting amusement park attractions. all right it's all right all right all right buff don't tune in there it's all right damn it boy

we're drafting amusement park attractions what is the first pick going to be no that's a samsung watch sorry just gotta put my watch on what time is it no that that's a samsung what time is it i wouldn't know because i haven't charged it not charged yeah she said it's like it's like 10 probably okay i don't get any cbs related watches that's fucked up Yeah I don't get any Viacom anything Except for checks Hey Viacom But really nothing else

Dana has a fountain pen Oh man I thought that was a thing I could get into She's starting to really piss me off That wife of yours She's got the life that I wish I had the executive function to have. Don't talk about Marissa like that. Oh, I had forgotten. I had forgotten, and it was bliss.

I never even saw anyone do that. That'd be so buck. Really? You never saw anybody do that? No. Hey, Mom, can I go to the bathroom? If it means anything, you give off big Colin Everyteacher mom vibes. I had a mom that was the dad.

He's like, I'm sorry, I'm all out of swords. I didn't have my bath destroyed. He called a janitor dad. He didn't care. Is that a bad word? Every time I say it, I'm like, are we not doing that? What's the correct term now? Father. Clean daddy.

Daddy buckets. Clean daddy. The clean daddy. The brief time we knew each other he was Pat. Oh Myrtle doesn't like it. Okay. Well both you and Kelly deserve a pat on the back for what a wonderful person you are. There it is.

Move this down so I can lay down. We're cool with that. Right? This is that kind of podcast. There was a period where I recorded every episode laying down. Right on the hip at the old Glendale crib. Sassy. David, what is your first pick?

Was that Poop or David Attenborough? Ian Poop. No. They're similar voices. David Borey, the world awaits an anticipation of your first pick in the amusement park attractions draft. My first pick. You know what? I'm taking a very classic, the first hardcore roller coaster I ever went on in my life.

From Six Flags, Elitch Gardens, beautiful downtown Denver, Colorado. I'm taking the Mind Eraser. Whoa. And it's just your standard Six Flags. Do you remember in the 90s when they went from the roller coasters that you sit in the car to the roller coasters when your legs dangle yes that was a minor it was a choice i felt it was a huge transition though i remember the first one i saw was in getting even with dad was the first leg dangle i saw but uh popular ted dancing mccauley cloaking vehicle neither here nor there the leg dangle the leg dangle yeah but uh the mind eraser it's just

it's that it's a stereotypical you go to the park it's the one you got to make sure that you ride it's the one that all the kids at school measure how brave they are have you been on the mind eraser i bet this kid's scared to go on the mind eraser i believe when you're a kid it's pronounced bwave how bwave you are Jason's so bwave he did it sorry to interrupt I've honestly I don't think I've ever been scared to do any rollercoaster I don't think I've ever been scared of any of them I get scared

I get scared I'm ultimately bwave in the face of it but I do get scared. I get scared. I'm ultimately brave in the face of it, but I do get scared. I'm entirely scared. Only ever scared. You know what I'm the most scared? The first click. The anticipation of the drop.

I have many times offered to hop out. I'll get out here. Can I get out here? Let me get out here. Call me Bass Nectar. I'll get out here. Can I get out here? Let me get out here. Oh, that's so scary. Call me Bassnecker. Nectar. I live for the drop.

What was the first thing we were supposed to call you? I don't think I feel comfortable. You're giving up halfway through that Bassnecker reference? It was difficult. I had a lot of saliva in my mouth. Everybody be quiet and let David finish his Bassnecker reference. Get that clean. Can we get that clean? Mrs. Carmel, can we get that clean? I had a lot of saliva in my mouth. Everybody be quiet and let David finish his bass neck forever. Can we get that clean?

Run it back. I love that bit so much. Mrs. Carmel, can you run it back up? It would be an honor. Let me just say, it would be an honor to be married to the only friend I have left on this podcast. Come on. Do the bass nectar thing. Come on.

Call me bass nectar because I live for the drop. Nice. Can we get two more for safety? It was worth it. All right. Call me bass nectar because I live for the drop. That's for the 2.6 seconds slow down slow down this is for social call me bass nectar because i live for the drop that's great sorry to interrupt can i get a british can i get one british just for our overseas listeners just i want i'm doing

a thing i'm trying to do more outreach yeah call me bass neck that calls i live for the drop whoa i think that might have been austral I think so. But you know what? They're not going to notice. You hired me for a flat read. There's a voice guy downstairs. There's a voice guy downstairs. Okay, I'll hold on to this money then. I'll hold on to the money I was going to send.

The contract has been signed. An audience of Frenchmen who have been living in Houston for the last 15 years. Okay, okay, okay, okay. No, I ain't got it. Okay, all right. That's all right. I ain't got it. i ain't got it but i was hoping to see what you had i was gonna try my best i was thinking of like what if paul wall and peppy lapue had a kid and i want to know i want to know my name is paul lapue he just goes no accent accent. Just confuse everybody. What's up? Actually, because of my parents' distinct voices,

I practiced my non-regional diction. Yeah, it's a wash. I'm trying to get a job in broadcasting, so I entered those schools pretty early. Yeah, yeah. What do you say about my gal? The mind eraser. The mind eraser.

It's great when a ride could also be a drink. You know, that's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a mind eraser? As it's great when a ride is all it could also be a drink you know that's like yeah what is a mind eraser asks the bartender shot you take with a straw is it the one that's got the brain in it or is that a brain damage is a different one where you put the whatever in and it curdles and it looks like a brain and then you have to take it cement cement mixer we call them yeah that one's that's different a mind eraser is like oh never mind it's vodka i was wrong i'm sorry what is it vodka and what drink it. I'm sorry. What is it? Vodka and what? Drink it with a straw.

It's isn't it like viscous? Oh, and Kahlua. It's vodka, coffee, liqueur. Yeah. And soda water.

And soda water. Yeah. It never, um, and it's comes tiered. So you put the straw in it and then you have to do it. Well, also it's not a shot.

It's like a drink, right? It's like a bigger, it's not like a little shot glass, but you drink it fat. Yeah. And it has, because it has water in it.

So it's like, if you put that in a shot glass, that'd just be wasting important space. And so the point is that you have to do it fast through a straw. And I think science says that gets you drunker faster. What, are we doing a bartender at some point? I think. I don't really recall at this point. But yes.

So we're picking specific things things not generalizations of amusement parks i think it's open i think if it's open i can thrive in that but if it's the kind of thing where it's just like it's this and it's a it's a of a different name at like different localities no mind erase is perfect pick it's a perfect i just wanted to make sure I had some wiggle room with a couple. But yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Sean and Katie are dilettantes, so we just have to do a little hand-holding here. Katie, time for your first pick.

Okay. And with that first pick, it's Dippin' Dots. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Ice cream from the future? Are you kidding? Ice cream in the future for about a couple decades now.

We've been saying that someday Dippin' Dots. It's like soccer. It's the soccer of desserts. Everyone's like, you know what? It's about to have a big year. Eventually, we're all going to get into it. No, middle school kids like it better, actually. People there, yeah.

It's never quite as good as it is. It's just like ice cream, but they're separate. Everyone's like, well, what about ice cream? And you go, you're going to like Dippin' Dots, though. You're going to want them. You just got to try them. It's good because it's an experience meets a dessert. So there's the stage of the Dippin' Dots where because they're so cold, they stick to your tongue.

That's fun. Where are you getting that experience? And then you can kind of feel them melting into ice cream. Also, when they melt, they are gross because they're weirdly shaped. So you kind of have to eat it quickly. Yeah, you got to get through it. Yeah, when they come in those flavors that have like multiple different pearls of different flavors. Like I'm thinking banana split off the top of my head where they'll put like chocolate and vanilla and strawberry and banana into it.

I love a dip and dot. What a fun. And you really can only get them. I know they've expanded a little now, but it's not like they've got stores you know in manhattan i don't think i could fact check that but it's like a it's a specific type of food you really only ever get at a theme park i love it very much dip and dots with my first pick if you went to someone's house and they were like hey can i get you some dip and dots you'd leave right no i'd take it no dip and dots were made they were trying to make uh more efficient cow food is that true well it worked moo i can't say it's not true so it's got to be something i think he's pulling our leg sorry they were gonna feed cows uh call me on it i'll call you on the i'll call

you on it baby it feels wrong give me a call okay i think i-6-7-5-3-0-9. I knew it was about you. I knew that song was about you. In 1987, Katie, Curtis Jones, who specialized in cryogenical freezing, maybe that's the word. Someone's got Wikipedia.

Get in there. I feel like a fucking idiot. Oh, is that why it's the ice cream of the future? Because it's cryogenically frozen and in the future when it's unfrozen it comes back to life? Yeah, it was based on the hit movie Demolition Man. A lot of people don't know that either. I didn't know that and I feel ashamed. And maybe one of those is a lie.

How dare I speak on Dippin' Dots as if I know them when I've merely only ever tasted them. Something to think about. All right. Should we move on? Can you even get them at a store? I hope not. I bet you can prop some places. We don't have the freezing technology to keep them the way that they are.

I can't keep that in my freezer. I don't have a cryogenic freezer. I mean, I do because I'm rich, but I don't want to use it on, I'm using it on people. I can't use that on my screen. If you have a cryogenic freezer, save some of Sean's jizz. He can't afford it. Yeah, Sean's looking to pay for it. I don't think I have any left here

on hand. Slide it in there next to... Put it next to the Dippin' Dots. Oh, that'd be... What a mistake that would be. Am I right? Talk about banana split. I know, you're going for some dessert and all of a sudden you're... You're accidentally eating Dippin' Dots.

Yuck. Ew! Disgusting! It's a hot day, I gotta cool off. Dippin' Dots! Oh no! This isn't what I wanted. Curses. Sean Gordon, time for your first pick.

Wish I didn't put that chocolate syrup on it. Yes, you do. It's always better. I am gonna pick a flume ride. Oh man! Oh man! What's a flume? Like pick a flume ride. Oh, man. Oh, man. Get specific. Oh, man.

What's a flume? Like a log flume. Like a log flume. Tell us the flume in question. I mean, the Valley Fair log flume ride. It's in Shakopee. So, I mean, it's like the first amusement park I ever went to. But I was just, I don't know if anyone else is going to pick a flume ride.

Anyway, it's just like your textbook. They also have one at the Mall of America that's super, super dank. Okay, I'll give you just flume ride anyway it's just like your textbook they also have one at the mall of america that's super super dank okay i'll give you just like right i guess hot day at the amusement park is like the one log flume ride where you get in and like you're you know get set to get wet and you get a little bit wet the whole time and then you go down the big flume thing and then at the one i'm thinking of there's a bridge i'm sure it's most of them but there's a bridge where the people who just got off can stand and get splashed again and it's just people who just got off who just need to get off again they like to watch afterwards already wet looking to get wetter it's a weird weird behavior when i get wet it's the most crazy it's crazy

after they're done they want more so they just keep there and get wet again and jesus christ i have to i couldn't listen to this podcast i'm glad i'm part of it but i don't think i could listen to it if you're pulling out an earbud just instinctively right now you're not wrong oh i'm taking the floor right you go down the flume and then when you get off the floor no no i'm not gonna let you do this you can get soaked again i did it everybody let me you guys put up a fight and then just stopped how are we gonna stop you you're thousands of miles away from any of us powerless against the crane left the station man no i get it don't name other rides yeah oh wait okay sure uh bs just uh just a nice the specific one is the flume ride at valley fair but splash mountain is the famous flume

ride have you ever been on it i have but the one i mean the one i was thinking of was the one at valley fair because that was the first place i ever went i didn't go to splash mountain until i don't think i went on it when i was a kid i only went once when i was like five and i don't think we did that wild crazy i think it was one of those things where you couldn't we couldn't you know that shit where it's like we can't get wet today why what that's so stupid but i think that's what was happening as of as of now now that i'm in my 30s i'm like oh my god i get that i get that it takes away the joy from the kid but there's times where myrtle's looking at and i'm like we're not doing that today because we've got a long day and i can't have you out here wet all day there's phones and stuff like

some i don't know some stuff now you can't get wet, but whatever. I'd still go on a, on a, I think the value of a log flume is that it usually is a big enough drop to cause a splash, but it's not a gigantic drop. So if you were scaled, you wouldn't have to worry about it. Yeah. And also crashing into water is, I don't want to say this as a blanket statement because I bet in a plane it sucks, but it just feels safer than flying through the air. It kind of feels like you've got something there to cushion your fall. Probably better than land. Yeah.

Even in a plane. Yeah. I think anywhere. Water's kind of the move. But yes, I think you ever see those people that get on and they're like, all right, I'm going to stay dry. And they try to really turtle up in the middle or something. No, because what are they doing there? There's plenty of rides that don't feature water. Yeah. Not in my world, baby. I love a log flume. Log flumes are the best.

Log flume. That's right. I have a picture. We have a picture. My family has a photo of my dad on, on Splash Mountain, you know, when they do the picture of the, in between a family of people, because he would wake up at 7am and like wait in the lines before the lines got long so that he could do all the rides he wanted to do. And then he'd come wake us up and take us and we'd do our rides. So he said my dad was like a family that is not his with his arms up enjoying Splash Mountain. Just having a great time with the Andersons. Having the time of his life. Love it.

Time of his life. Nothing, no ride is more thrilling than the ride of being first in line for my dad. That is the world's most thrilling ride. That is the most adult man thing. That's him. Shout out Mike Nolan. Getting up at five. Loves it.

He loves to be the first one there. He loves it. Time for my first pick. I guess, if you're ready. I don't know if I am ready. Okay. All right. I'm going.

I recently, after a long, long amusement park hiatus, long, went back to. Oh, you don't like roller coasters. Well, I was so fat that I didn't really fit on them. I was such a big dude that like. I thought it was so fat that I didn't really fit on them. I was such a big dude that like... I thought it was a scary thing. You're not scared of them? I'm also scared of them. I'm also scared. Really? I didn't know that. I'm scared of roller coasters

and I'm also a little bit chubby, or I was. But I was mostly scared. I was scared. So I finally went back. I did a day at Six Flags and I did a day at Disneyland. And going back to Disneyland, I found that my favorite ride, once again, was my favorite ride from when I was a youth.

I'm taking the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. Dude, it's so fun. The boulder coming at you. It's so I think it's going to hit me every single time. It's so much fun. You got Harrison Ford in there. A boulder comes at you. There's a part where like air goes

by for those of us who haven't been is this a roller coaster or is this like a uh it's a small world type deal it's a split the difference okay yeah it's a it's you're in a you're in like a jeep type thing there's like six of you in there maybe and it's it's not a fast it's a ride it's not a roller coaster it's a ride and you're not a roller coaster. It's a ride. And you're going through, but there's definitely parts where it does go super fast, but there's no like up downs. It's like the, the Jeep will just zoom through a part.

Yeah. Okay. And it emulates the movie, which is another level. Which one? Temple of Doom. It's, it's Temple of Doom driven

because you go through the coal mines or whatever. He's getting the, he's getting the, pardon me, the statue. He's getting the... Pardon me, the statue. He's getting the statue. He's getting the statue. There's a huge snake.

It's the biggest snake you've ever seen. It's this giant snake. It is. Rad. They play the music. It's a real snake. They play the music, and it's just such a good time. It's so much fun.

It takes me back to my days of being a child and riding on that ride. It's just fucking, it was just fucking great. I loved it. Well, good for you. I went to Disneyland with my fiance, Dana Schwartz. And I was doing it for a project that I was consulting on, like a Disney Plus thing. And I was like, Hey,

could we get a guide for the park? Thinking I was going to get somebody who would take us to the front of every ride. Yeah. And they sent us thing. I was very slick. So they said, yeah,

sure. We can get you something like that. And Disney plus sent someone. And as soon as she got there, she was like, so the park side and the network side are pretty, you know, divided. So, um, I can so the park side and the network side are pretty, you know, divided. So I can't really get you to the front of every ride.

But like while we walk around, I could point out places we could film. And she was lovely. She was very nice. But just everywhere she went, you know, we were like in line for Indiana Jones. And she'd be like, so you could shoot over there or you could shoot over there. And Dana and I just had like a third person going to Disneyland with us. No.

Like the whole day. No, just like randomly pointing things out. God, that's so sick. Yeah. And I was like, okay, could you get us into like, I don't want to say anything, but like there's like exclusive clubs or bars or other stuff that might be cool.

And she was like, I'll check. And she walked up and she came back and was like, I can't. Okay. But you can shoot over by there if you want to go look but you could it might be a cool place to shoot she was so nice and really cool like it ended up being fine but like what did she do when you went on rides she came okay well i mean specific but she also went on the ride yeah he's uh he's when he's in a car he's in a car so okay all right uh indiana jones i loved it okay am i gonna take no no i couldn't do that that'd be crazy so i'm gonna go to i'm gonna take another ride i'm gonna take a roller coaster i'm going to six flags uh magic mountain here in southern california and i'm taking a ride called

the tatsu which is one of those so it's a roller coaster like david was saying where you get in it and it harnesses you on your shoulders and then it turns so now you're just like facing downward like you're laying on your stomach on a bed and it's holding you like that and it was like and then you go and like you go upside down and all these corkscrews it's crazy and the whole time i was giggling like an absolute idiot and i think it was the last roller coaster i did that day i had like here's another thing we i went to six flags with james corden and forgive me if I've talked about this on here before but he did get us one of those VIP guides that's so we got to go

to the front of every ride which at Disneyland seems like a good idea at a roller coaster theme park is terrible yeah too much back-to-back you need that space you need an hour in line yeah so we were just like getting all jacked up on like adrenaline and our center of gravity being like nowhere so like i had to sit down with my head in my hands for like half an hour just crying so i didn't barf i could have been crying i wasn't but like it would like people walking by were like that guy's crying you had no idea where you could film no yes that's you got to the front of every line, but you're like, can I film here? Yeah. God.

There was no one there pointing it out. No. And, you know. What's this ride called again? I want to look it up on YouTube. It would have been nice. It's called the Tatsu. T-A-T-S-U.

T-A-T-S-U. And it was just, it was just crazy. I, like, the first roller coaster of the day was probably the most fun, just because I't been on one in decades and i was like giggling but this was this was very scary oh it's just so scary it was a very scary ride no thank you too scary for me it hits you go in and it clamps you in and that's one scare moment and then it turns you up it turns you and it's like oh it's going again and that's scary and then you're fucking off to the races and it's just like it it really messes with your center of gravity. Because like after five roller coaster rides, you're like, okay, when it's doing this, I can lean this way.

And it's not as bad on this one. You're just like, I don't know. I don't know what I can do. The old Tatsu. It's a roller coaster. Myrtle's having a dream. I didn't barf. Oh, Myrtle.

It's very cute. Oh, it's weird, though. She's like invulsing like convulsing chill out dreaming about being on the roller coaster i mean you can't see it it's this ball of fur but she is shaken she is shaking in her she was shaken she took too much edward money speaking of edward money sean jordan it's time for your second pick. I'm going specifically The Haunted Mansion. Yeah, fuck! I should have taken it. God damn it. Well, the whole experience... I don't want to...

I may draft some umbrella terms later or something, but the whole experience with The Haunted Mansion... What, like Flume Ride? Well, I mean, that to me is less specific than... I got umbrella terms. But with The Haunted Mansion, it feels like you're going on a journey. It feels like you're going... I don't know. mean that to me is less specific terms i got umbrella terms but like with the haunted mansion you just get it feels like you're going on a journey it feels like you're going i don't know you go you go down or they give you the illusion that you're going down and then you go into this

other room where you get on the ride and then it's like nightmare before around the holidays is the absolute best time for the haunted mansion you get the whole nightmare before christmas thing going on uh it's just It's just a trip. I mean, to me, it's like what an amusement park is for. It's not scary. It's just fun.

You can't get that anywhere else. It's haunted. So, objectively scaly. It is haunted, but I'm not really scared of ghosts. These ghosts are also cruel. They're dead people

walking the earth. Some of them take their pants off. I mean, it's like some of those ghosts don't have pants on. Yeah, that's scaly. Yeah, that's scaly. They tell you, don't worry about it. I'm very scaled when people take their pants off. Yeah, Haunted Mansion, man.

The whole, the ambiance, the whole thing. The line is fantastic. Everything is fun about the Haunted Mansion. It's even fun to wait in line. Did you just say... Everything. Hmm? Hmm?

You like lines? I like the line at the Haunted Mansion. Once once you get inside the building the line is a little right cooler that's fun i mean the whole i never as far as lines go the experience the whole thing is fun it's just are you on your feet or are you in a car for this i don't think i've ever been to a haunted mansion you're in the first part okay see they they funnel you all into a room. And then you're in this room and there's all these paintings of older, passed on people, old looking paintings. And their eyes move, I bet.

Yeah, a little bit. Of course. It's like, all right, now we're going to go down. And then as you go down, you see that they're all like, some of them are standing on barrels and they don't have any pants on and everything. What? But I think what's happening, check this out, is I think the ceiling is going up to give you the illusion that you're going down.

And then you just walk over into this other room, you get in a cart, maybe like four people, and you control how it spins too. No, you don't. Not there. Anyway, it spins you. But you go through this track

and it's Nightmare Before Christmas themed if you do it. Is it all the time, Nightmare Before Christmas themed if you do it. Is it all the time, Nightmare Before Christmas themed or is that just around the house? Just from Halloween to Christmas. It's every day, bro. Yeah. Christmas is a lifestyle. The whole thing is just covered, covered.

Is it haunted year round though or are the ghosts, they go back to their vacation homes? No, it's spooky, spooky ghost haunted all year long. It's spooky, spooky all the time. Okay, all right. Spooky, spooky, spooky all the time.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Would you like it more or less if it was literally haunted? Less. Like if it was genuinely, like a, I think would you like it more or less if it was literally haunted less like if it was genuinely like a i think i'd like it more less less okay so you're i don't like to leave up to chance he's okay yeah you're pretty scared he's a baby okay yeah yeah yeah he's a scary baby he's not brave he's not brave at all all right haunted mansion baby haunted mansion i love the fucking haunted mansion i wish i would have taken it and i'm mad at you and it will affect our friendship going forward dude that's all right you'll be not mad at me again and that'll also affect the friendship i'm gonna sneak in some

barbs probably at the wedding a couple barbs a couple susans i know i'll bring some mickey fans to you when katie time for your second pick, I'm gonna go with the Matterhorn Oh yeah That's the one with the abominable snowman, right? Yep, that for me taps into the only type of scaley That I'm not scared of You know, it's scary but I like it Like it's a, I remember it affecting me

Cause there's, you know, it gets So it doesn't really Slow enough It's not a roller coaster in the sense that I'm pretty sure it's always anchored to the ground for the most part you're like riding around in this thing but it's you're on a track and you're not um yeah your legs aren't dangling you're not high up you're in a bobsled right you're in a bobsled and you're going around and from what i remember and boy should i have googled it but i just found out i was doing this

podcast like an hour ago it's uh it gets you outside for some of it, and then it's really dark on the inside. And you can see the wreckage of where others before you have died, where their sled is like crashed. And you've got light coming in through the ice, which isn't real, but boy, does it feel real. And you just – it has this very – it's cold. It's this very sensory experience where you're like, oh, I'm in somewhere unsafe. And then you come around and, oh, you're back in the light and everything's fine. So I'm going Matterhorn. I don't think it, does it still exist?

I think so, yeah. The Imagineers went off on that one. They definitely cleaned up the death though, right? There's no way they're still putting that crashed bobsled in there like they used to. I don't think so. Because I still remember that. Now the people died from income insecurity. Ah, yes. It's become very, there's they used to. I don't think so. Because I still remember that. Now the people died from income insecurity. Ah, yes. It's become fairy.

There's a message there. It's more about capitalism and how that itself is a Matterhorn, is it not? That's how I thought they were going to get me. Even more scaly. It's the things that really Matterhorn. Wow. That's right. It feels wrong, but

it is right. You ever go on there with a date and get mad or horny i had to play the game too i also had to play the game mad or horny sounds like you know are you mad or ask your boyfriend all right what is this energy you're giving me is this mad or is this horny now i know you lost to the lakers tonight are you mad or horny look i don't want to read this the wrong way so why don't i just ask Is this mad or is this horny? I know you lost to the Lakers tonight. Are you mad or horny? Look, I don't want to read this the wrong way so why don't I just ask. Are you mad or horny? Before I know what move to make next. Let me make sure I'm

reading this right. Matt? I'm about to put a beef Wellington in so I need to know right now. Are you mad or horny? Why are you mad horny? Wow. I don't have time for that. They get horny after the Wellington starts cooking up. Yeah. I was mad. No, I'm a horny. Well, the beef's not gonna do it no at that point you got an hour you're good an hour yeah you know to cook a to cook a old uh beef wellington

well you're about to be married so it's not going to take you more than five hours is that true i'm very not even engaged well what the fuck do i know is that what goes on sean you're closer to getting married than me is that true i don't know what's i don't know what's going on that's all right david boy time for your second and your third pick i missed it uh second I'm taking a generic one. One of the first times I did mushrooms, I went on this. Also, I think it makes. I hope it's a small world.

No, I've never really been to Disneyland. It's also, I think, makes for the best videos about amusement parks online. I'm picking a drop tower. That's right. Oh, yeah. That's right. Those are the best videos. You are correct. Those are the best videos you are correct. It's the best.

Those are always going to be. Also on mushrooms. Oh my god. You're out of your fucking mind. It was really fucked up. Were you like my favorite videos are the ones where the guy passes out and then is like clearly

not conscious and then he comes back into himself and he's like he can knock down again. They go down so fast and his head's just going like It's so scary. I've been waking up

falling. It's very scary. Have I seen the DMX one? There's so many good ones. There's so many good ones. Those drop powers are so scary. It is scary. It is scary.

I was probably like 22 23 the last time i went on one and yeah we had eaten mushrooms because it was like really yeah i'm 26 yeah uh because it is a good idea to go to a carnival on mushrooms it's just not a good idea to do that yeah what would you say is the best um would be the best three things to do? It was just because I went like out of body. So it's really hard. Yeah. It's hard to explain. It was scary, but I was like, you ever get so scared that you're actually quiet?

Yeah. I think my mouth was shut. I don't think there was any. I mean, yeah, if I think somebody's breaking in or something, that's like real actual fear. Dude, I just had, I thought somebody was breaking in the other day and I ran out of the shower naked. And immediately when I got out of the shower, I was like, what did I think I was going to do?

I don't know. Intimidate. Yeah, that's it. All you got to do is wave that thing around and they're out of there. Yeah, right. They're in there. If I was breaking into a house and a wet naked guy ran at me, I'm out. You know, that's not nothing.

Unless that's exactly what you broke in for. Yeah. It was just my instinct. And like, it wasn't anybody breaking in and out, but then I'm like out here dripping on the floor and I'm like, who is that gonna do? You were gonna come bone him to death. But if you like take the time to towel off and like

any deeper in here, I'm gonna fuck your shoes off. I'm gonna call the cops and I'm to bone you until the cops get here. If you come any closer, I'm going to suck that dick. Don't you do it. Now it's my crime. Don't do it. You lock the door. Now you can't leave.

Chaz Palminteri style. Nice. Whose house? My house. Yeah. Pull that dick out. It was out. That's the other thing.

Yeah. I've always been afraid to get in a fight naked. I will say if I was getting beat up and that was there, I'd rip it off so quick. For sure. That's why. What did I just say? I'd thumb it in. I'd do something.

Do you guys see? It just keeps coming up in my mind, so I have to bring it up. Do you guys see that article about the guy who grew his own back on his arm and then they surgically took it off his arm and put it back where it goes? He grew a schpanz on his back and then they put it on. I haven't clicked on it yet

because we're a computer but I intend to Google and deep dive. I feel like our targeted ads are so so similar. Mine are fist fights. That's mine. That's it. Mine are like airbrush sweatsuits i have i have google alerts set for um dick plus grow right right of course plus arms

of course of course you know well that's perfect news story for you then yeah right it's right up right in my wheelhouse it's weird that that news story's making the rounds again because i think it's like a few years old yeah but it but it's not weird because every time anything happens with that guy, I want to know. That's true. And he did throw a dick on his arm. Update me on what's up with that guy because every stage of it is wild. You know who I was wondering about the other day? Remember the guy who-

Oh, your mom? No, the guy who disc golfed all the time, but also he couldn't stop jizzing. What? Oh, the guy that just kept having orgasms? Yeah, he just like- What are you talking about like what are you talking about this guy just talking about this guy just okay uh disc golf he would disc frisbee is that frisbee yeah in in the video he i now i don't know do i youtube non-stop jizz i don't think so yes yeah i think you should i think i think you can and then let us know that's not what you that's not what you oh god uh uh it was this guy who he did something in his back

and then now he busts like it's like 30 40 times a day he has a full-on orgasm yeah but then it's not good it's like it's not ruining his life yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like i can't because he's like i can't go to my kids baseball games yes you can and then he was like the worst one was like and i swear to god the worst one was like he's like imagine i don't i feel bad laughing at this it's like imagine going to your father's funeral all right and standing open his casket and then busting like three back to back at the same time he would be proud my dad would think it was hilarious i assume i mean look it's a what says the celebration of life more than just dumping a couple loads

into your boxers yeah that seems like the right, I don't know what you guys are wearing anymore. I try not to think about it. It's very scaly. Skims, Kardashian Skims. Ooh, I love that for you. I love that for you. So you're saying you didn't actually lose anyway. You just are wearing Kim Kardashian Skims.

That's right. Those are great. They really work. That guy's probably got a cum lost to me bag. Okay. Is it? Whose turn is it? David's turn. I'm sorry I opened that up. That's's probably got a cum lost to me bag. Okay. Is it? Whose turn is it? I'm sorry I opened that up.

That's alright. Drop Tower. That was a really good pick. Cum lost to me. I've never done one. I'm too scared. I did want it at California Adventure. It's Guardians of the Galaxy theme now and it's like big drop and then also big whoop back up. It was the old Tower of Terror. No thanks. I almost barfed.

So the next one and this is kind of i have to ask this question do water parks count as amusement parks are you amused there then yes come on well if anything that we're amused then we'll have to start putting in museums art galleries i like it also i dropped that jizz in the chat uh thank you so much no problem i i think you guys should watch it at some point i'm gonna yeah it's pretty good right now i'm gonna regret it man who has suffered 100 orgasms a day for past two year who wrote that headline you could write for past two years you didn't have to make it so weird. British. Oh, he's struggling. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good.

He's having a tough time. I'm picking The Lazy River. Oh, yeah. Good pick. How dare you? It's just never not a good time. Absolutely. It's always the, I love it. I love The Lazy River.

Yeah. If I was rich, I'd get one built into my house. My house might be, that's how you get around. Like Venice, but in your house. Yeah. And inner tubes. Yeah. I'll go to the kitchen, get your white claw anytime.

If you put a lazy river in your house, sure. I mean, what else is there to say? It's fun for the whole family. It's a toilet also. It's a toilet. It's also like, you know, you've been out doing other things all day. You kind of get tired. You're like, let me just like get that blast of vitamin d you know i'm saying let me get some glasses let me get a lot of d yeah b d e yeah i'm still watching this guy have workouts

it's he's going through it it's not a good life he's going through oh my god i told you they've got about hotels now too sometimes you can get in the lake yeah yeah yeah yeah they got one out by the airport out here yeah i'm never upset if there's a lazy bit i don't care how small i kind of want to just go to that hotel for a weekend yeah well staycation bud do it yeah i could do it i might i just read the description of the of the man suffering orgasms and then it's not funny anymore no i wish i didn't know i wish i knew less about the story i told you it was awful well but when all i knew was that somebody was having orgasms all day that's funny but now that i know all the

things this person's been through i no longer i want to redact yeah i understand redact all my laughs please i understand mrs carmel god damn it carmel please take away the laugh just a little just i'm sure it wouldn't be disruptive if you just put his finger up like but that's the hallmark of someone being like but seriously though it's enough for that it's enough we've had enough i don't believe my actual fiance new y York Times bestselling author Dana Schwartz, would be too amused by this. Wow. Hey, you're the one who said it.

You did say it. I mean, honestly, it's you who said it. So, like, I get it, what you're saying. But at the same time, it's like, not my problem. You know? Listen, Lazy River, guys. Yeah. That's my pick.

Toss all you to Lazy River. Damn. Once you get that sip snip, your river's going to be pretty lazy, Sean. Oh, yeah. Sean's going to have a lazy river big time, dude. Bunch of drunk guys passed out in there. No, all the drunk, they're stopping that. Oh, okay.

They're cleaning up all the drunk guys passed out. Lazy river. A pick for the ages. great pick katie time for your third pick i know and um i just don't know what it is yet i understand and so i'm thinking use your heart and then once i'm done doing that i'm gonna say um my pick which is probably yeah the drink around the world oh at epcot yeah is that a good third pick i think it is sure is it like let me know with your eyebrows if that's a good pick okay so that's all right and and sean is creep feels creepy about it and i don't know what to do feels david loves it all right so i'm feels creepy about it. And David feels...

David loves it. All right. So I'm picking it. So it's drink around the... Drink in the... Drinks in different area codes. What is it called? Drink around the world?

I think it's the guide to drinking around the world at Epcot Center. So drinking around the world at Epcot Center. Morgan got kicked out of for being too drunk. I wanted that. It is with that. I was going to ask. I've never been to Disney World. It's with alcohol?

You'd like a different beer from every country or something? No, it's smoothies. It's a smoothie. You drink a smoothie from every country. You moron. It's a clarifying question. You fucking moron. You fucking nerd.

You fucking idiot. Do you drink? What the fuck? God damn. Yeah, so it's like beers and stuff. It's like you drink whatever they drink when they're there. I'm not getting the best out of it. Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. a Vespa. Sorry to interrupt.

Sorry to interrupt. I'm not done. Sorry to interrupt. You fucking dumbass. See, he's getting me back. You stupid butthead. Don't read the officiant speech right now. He hit you with the 1998.

Chill out. Chill out. You make me want to barf, you butthead. Hey, you stupid butthead. I have to step in here. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have to stopf, you butthead. Hey, you stupid butthead. I have to step in here. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have to stop. He's got a family.

You smell like armpits, you fucking butthead. That's not true, Sean. Let's not fucking ruin this nice moment we had. I do not stick up for myself nearly enough, you're right. You don't, and I never stick up for you. When you get a Lunchable, you get the puke and barf Lunchable with poop. Ian, I'm going to mute you.

You can make puke out of this barf in your Lunchable. You're going to have to do that to him. And then you hit him with something real like, you're poor. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a cheese pollo. Making fun of my name. Damn. Yeah, it's alcoholic drinks.

The only thing that stinks about it is you got to do a lot of walking. And I'm not. But I think once you're at an amusement park, you kind of accept that you're gonna walk that day. It was that fun drunk walking, you know? Yeah, exactly. And a lot of places have like little treats of their, of, you know, that country as well. So you can get all those like candies that are only from other countries. And you can just kind of eat those along the,

I'm into it. You know, I'm not saying it's like the greatest thing on earth, but in terms of like given, because sometimes you see it at amusement parks, it's all for the kids. And like, I get it.

Kids. Awesome. Cool. Youth for the young. But I also think you got to have some stuff in there for the adults that have to. I think so. I cannot imagine bringing a kid to a place they're not going to remember and they're going to cry a lot

if they're anything like me. And so take the edge off. Drink in all these different countries. After this drink tour, we're not going to remember it either. It's perfect. Do it responsibly, you know, or don't.

That's up to you. I will say that this whole draft has made me realize I've been to less amusement parks and more like dangerous carnivals and parking lots yeah like i have only i'm like i'm like i've been really and i've been to like enchanted village wild waves and elitch gardens and i think those are the only like big amusement i in like a cup and then like water world out here but i have not been it's usually shitty carnivals you're a viacom guy you're not gonna go to a disney product exactly thank you

uh this guide suggests starting at the canada pavilion for a magical star from la cellier steakhouse uh sucking up to your wife i get it okay so all right happy wife happy life oh i love it whose turn is it ian well you know no it's sean's sean's pick all right sean uh i'll go another very specific ride at disneyland space mountain oh yeah it is completely dark you it's so crazy uh i don't know it's just it's it's so so fun to not know where you're going but be on a roller coaster that's it not professionally i will say not professionally it sounds like show business it sounds fun but uh can't recommend it otherwise yeah i mean don't have a kid then i guess ever when i was there in uh uh whenever i went they had to stop the ride halfway through that's weird turn the

lights on yeah for some reason so we got to ride it at full speed but with all the lights on and it's way scarier with the lights on what they're really nuts well everything's close it's all it's all way closer than you think so you you're like, oh, no. We had to, they stopped at one time when I was on it and they turned the lights on because it like broke for a second, but we weren't moving. And then they shut the lights off and it kept going.

But when you turn them on, you're just in this tiny, I mean, tiny for a roller coaster, tiny building. And then you see like how crazy all the cuts are and everything. It's really scary to look at, but very fun to do with the lights off it's like seeing uh like a metal band at a festival early in the day and you're like i'm not supposed to see this much this is wrong this isn't yes this is wrong yeah yeah yeah it's uh

it's it's fantastic though i love it and then they it's one of the only ones that can actually trick you and get a good shot like the camera shot of you because you really can't tell where you're at. I mean, if you go on it four or five, six times, then you get to know like the... Is that what you're doing on roller coasters? Scouting the... What are you, the person that took Ian around

the park? They're filming right here. This is the camera can be right here. You can't shoot in here. It's dark. So let's just go on again to make sure. But it's pitch black in there, so you can't shoot in there. It's a cool place for a picture. They're getting headshots. You're just firing off looks. That would be tight.

It would be fun to take your headshots on Splash Mountain. Amazing. It would be a great bit. Somebody should take it. That would be. Somebody do that. I'll do it. All right.

Yeah. Yeah, man. Space Mountain. Love it. Love it to pieces up and down I'm gonna take oh wait I just had one more anecdote about Space Mountain

should I wait should I just not it was my favorite part of the there used to be this Disneyland video game it was either on Nintendo or Sega Genesis I don't remember but I remember playing it non-stop it was my favorite because it don't remember, but I remember playing it nonstop. It was my favorite because it wasn't about fighting.

And I couldn't play sports video games because my brother played sports and he would always just smoke me. And so I could play Echo the Dolphin was one that my brother wanted nothing to do with. And same with Disneyland, the Disneyland one.

And the Space Mountain ride part of the game was the best part. So that's all I wanted to say. What did you do? I don't remember. All right. I just remember liking it. We just have to press B now or you'll careen off into the distance.

Yeah, I think you just were flying through the... I don't really know. I just remember when I hear the word Space Mountain, I've never been on the ride, but I have fond memories of it. It's a good time. That sounds like the worst video game I've ever heard. All right, well, why don't we keep our personal opinions? Just keep that holstered. Sounds like they were testing it. They're like, let's just get... We have to get a game out this month. down is like the worst video game i've ever why don't we keep our personal opinions um just

sounds like they were testing it they're like let's just get we have to get a game out this month yeah well it wasn't it didn't suck it was pretty darn cool it probably sucked no it would be the best i'm just trying to get off this podcast so i can go play lego star wars so let me tell you nothing about me has changed in any way that i love those lego games are funny they're so fun i'm a child ian it sounds like it's time for you to make a pick though elephant ears yeah i thought i could get late i thought i could get late late. How's that? Are you asking me what's an elephant ear? Oh, the Dumbo thing? No, what? No, no. The fried dough treat.

It's a treat. Oh. So like funnel cake. Kind of. No. It's like on a stick, I think, even. Isn't an elephant ear on a stick? No, it's just like a big ass.

Hey, Sean, can you quit talking about shit you don't know about? Okay? Can we maybe let Ian know what it is? Yeah, you fucking moron. God damn. See that? You dumb. You fucking. See, now, normally it only david that's super mean to me and everybody keeps sending david those dms but now including katie on those dms too

no they do they do include me i've been getting shit for being mean to you since way before i started so i never get any for years sean is his own bully you just don't see him in... Like, don't... He's 40. Yeah. Now you're ageist, huh, David? Towards you, yes. Because you've been bullying a long time. I was just saying how old somebody is is not ageist.

It's... Factist. Biographical, I'd say. Some people pronounce it fascist. So David's ageist and fascist. You're 40. I'm 26. That's just how it goes.

It's always punching up. I'd love if we could make space for my elephant ears pick. I'm sorry. Are there sticks or no sticks? There's no sticks. It's a fried pizza dough. Sean really messed it up. Cinnamon and sugar.

For hot. For fresh. I just smelled it Yeah Alright Easy for David to eat Because he hasn't worn a mask At all this whole pandemic

You know what Sean That's mean That's really mean Okay Sean you're being a butthead He's doing his own research So If you don't mind

Respect that You know Elephant ears Elephant ears They're so good My first exposure to them Was at the Oregon Zoo, but they have them at a lot of amusement parks as well.

You can get them at any amusement park worth its salt. Dude, this is fried dough. Yeah, it's fried dough. Yeah. The Eragon Zoo. The Elephant Eragon Zoo. Eragon Zoo. What's a funnel cake?

I don't think I've had a funnel cake. You get those at the fair in the Midwest. It's fried dough, but it's the thin. It comes out like it's thin little, and then they kind of whip it. It's like fried dough that has holes in it. It looks like it's bra thin. It comes out like it's thin little and then they kind of whip it. It's like fried dough that has holes in it. It looks like it's braided. It looks like French braided dough.

It's not far off from a funnel cake. Amazing. They're all kind of churros. It's the same shit. It's all the same thing. The deep fried food. A lot of restaurants in LA that make funnel cakes. Interesting.

I really thought you guys were going to take all roller coasters. And I thought that the fun bit would be that I just wouldn't mention that I'm scared of them, but I wouldn't take a single one. And now I'm starting to feel like I've got nothing left to take. Oh, I took elephant ears because because you took Dippin Dots. I only have like rides on my list. And then I was like, oh, it's so hard to be a trailblazer. If Nadie told you, you me. What with all those injuries.

We're going to get to my next pick, but first we're going to take another, gosh darn it, another short little break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you.

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Charlie Brown's teacher. I just took elephant ears. That sounds like a juicy apple, dude. Can we get the kind of, what kind of, what breed is it? Katie, I couldn't be more than happy. I couldn't be happier than to talk about this. It's the Envy Apple. Okay. It's the champion

of all apples. It's the best apple out there. It's beautiful. I mean, take a look at that apple. A gorgeous apple. It's a gorgeous apple. It's got kind of a matte finish to it. Sure. It tastes like apple cider. It's got kind of like a crisp fall day. Like a Macintosh? Like a Macintosh.

A crisp fall day flavor to it. And they sent me 200 of them because I talked about it on the Late Late Show. The Envy Apple people. Big Apple. Did you know that there's like. Tim Cook sent you a bunch of apples. You're on first base with the Apple guy? Tim Farmer. I sucked off the Apple guy.

They sent me a bunch of apples. Did you just say you're blowing the Apple guy? That's David's first base. Yeah, second base is different with the Apple guy because you can't grab melons. I don't the apple guy and they sent me a bunch of apples. You're blowing the apple guy? That's David's first base. Second base is different with the apple guy because you can't grab melons. I don't have any melons. I want you guys to know my first base is an oral. I just think that oral is important enough that it should be

incorporated into the game. My God. Kissing is a grand slam. David's not a very intimate lover. During the break we were talking about the bases. What do you think? What are your bases? Kissing is a grand slam. David's not a very intimate lover. During the break, we were talking about the bases. What do you think? What are your bases? Kissing is the standard. You got a kiss to even start.

You got a kiss to work up to anything. First base is a kiss. Second's up the shirt. Third is down the pants. Homer and sex. Those are the bases. Guys, please stop making Sean say up the shirt. I've heard him do it now three times, and I cannot handle a fourth.

I got to be honest. I think that first base is heavy petting. Second base. That sucks, too. Don't do that anymore. I don't know what else to say. I the first base is heavy petting second base don't do that anymore i don't know what else to say i think second base is hand stuff i think third base there's bases mouth stuff yeah that makes sense and then i think home is doing it third base is down the snow pants fourth base so for you an otphj that's first base yes because that's petting but it's not technically hand stuff yeah um over the top isn't hand stuff that's like ninth base do they cream uh sean i don't know if you know this but there's not nine

bases yeah he doesn't even know i'm a baseball expert so and a sex expert sex expert if you're busy that's right sometimes all i'm saying is in my game there's oral that's all i'm saying i'm not married yet but i'm excited to find out what all this is like. I think for my fourth pick, I'm going to go with that crazy UFO thing that throws you against the wall. Damn it. The Gravitron. The Gravitron. The Gravitron.

Turkish. Isn't it called a Turkish? I don't know what you're talking about. First of all, they are proud people. First of all, they are a proud people. What am I thinking of? What am I thinking of? Ease up, Boston. I don't know what they call it in mass.

Oh, you mean a Turkish contractor? He'll spin you all over the place. Yeah, they never finish. Oh, this might actually be me making something up because i'm searching turkish theme like i was trying to write turkish theme park and it said uh turkish therapist and i was like that's not what i'm looking for i don't think i think i made this up do send me that link though yeah i will i'm gonna set this i'm gonna sit with this and figure out why i thought there was something that had the word Turkish in it. Turkish twist.

I could have sworn. Maybe Turkish twist. That sounds like something somebody would call us. I think that's a second base technique. Ah, yes. Hand stuff. If you lose a bet. Yeah.

It's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. I'm not bad. Sorry. I'm not bad. It's a thing. Riders stand against the wall, and as the cylinder starts to spin and pick up speed,

riders get the sensation of being stuck up against the wall. Oh, yeah. Turkish twist. Thank you. And that's what they called it at Canobie Lake Park, which is where my brother rode it. I did not, but they let you stand up top and look down at what's happening. And my brother got off, and my cousin immediately puked. Well, if somebody barfs on the thing, then it gets...

That's when it's fucked. That's why I can't do that ride because it's too much trust in strangers. And I had zero. I'm on Twitter. You got it. If you want to fucking win the game, you got to play it. Yeah. No, I don't want to win.

When you see someone barf on that thing, it's like, oh, everyone got barfed on, man. Just because you had. You saw someone barf? No, I've never been on it when people barf. No, but sure. It's happened. Imagine how bad you'd feel. Somebody has like milk and Jägermeister before they go to the fair.

And then they're like, let's do the Gravitron. Dude, that just fucked my stomach up thinking about that. So wait, who picked this? Ian Carmel. What do you like about it? It is fun. I just thought, I'm like, I remember the first time I did it. And just being like dazzled by physics.

Just being like, what? Yeah. Just because it goes around. Blinded by science. Yeah. Ben McCullough-Morton. Yep. She blinded me with science.

She blinded me with science. I just thought I was at the Oregon. It was at the Rose Festival in Portland, Oregon. I rode it for the first time. And then I got a candied apple right after. I remember it's a treasured memory. Tempting the gods. After the ride, so I was all good.

I just feel like your stomach is still kind of has no idea which way up is. Then you put a candied apple in there and it's like Back in those days, me and my stomach were like that. I could throw anything in that dude. He was like the wolf in Pulp Fiction. What a crazy thing to think about.

Any issue you had, you let the stomach handle it and it was all good. I could have eaten a grenade and it would have been fine. But yeah, I just thought it was fun. I didn't want to just pick big movie stars. I wanted to get some character actors too and the Gravitron. That's my character actor

and we go now to sean jordan's fourth pick now this will be a broad uh pick but i i mean i have a specific one that i can pick but i'm gonna ask if i can pick this all of my picks are broad picks by the way can i pick um like being transported to a different world i.e say the simpsons village no no no no pick a fucking specific one ask if you're gonna then i'm picking the simpsons village i mean i'm saying you want to take every part of every amusement park i take amusement parks no no no don't start doing that i'm taking rides i'm taking a specific i specific... I'll take Simpsons. Immersed in experiences?

John Draft's not being at work. I'm taking the day off. It's not like all of Disneyland is Simpsons. I get it. It's like the Harry Potter part of... Yeah, I'm just saying. It's like they take certain things and they transform it into that world.

And obviously that's not every part of every amusement park valley fair doesn't have any of that shit but narrow it down but this is i'm not even how about we just use some examples and start putting some meat on the bone for us here i'm not mad at you so we know what you're trying to i'm not mad at you going to springfield it's just being in a different world and where they get every single detail exactly right where they serve the food from that world, where you can go to Moe's. Wizarding world of Harry Potter type situation? Yeah, I didn't go there. I've never been there.

Okay, I didn't ask. I just was saying, is that the same type of... The one I wanted to pick, I haven't been to, so I couldn't pick it, but that's why I was trying to pick that vibe. My hand went like this dude that vibe you couldn't see it somebody vibe just feeling like you're in a different world so i'll pick the simpsons i'll pick an avatar one too recently they might have i think it was um i think it was uh brief maybe if they did but oh they have like roger rabbits got one like there's just places where you can go and you're like holy buckets i'm there and it's awesome so yeah springfield at disneyland that was kind of

disneyland's whole thing up front at first right because it was like frontierland tomorrow i think they were the first ones that did uh like because it simpsons was already out though so i think disneyland was the first place that was like we're gonna make this place that you know real and then you can come to it and then they you know they've been doing that since but i think they were the first unless disney world did at first was that was disney world before disneyland disneyland was first disneyland was first anyway doesn't get the respect that that should have earned it. Like I said, I've only been to parking lot affairs run by carnies. Parking lot affairs.

That was my first indie rap group that I was a part of. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember you guys. What was your single called? I forget. What was that song? Dirty Gun. HJ's at Walmart.

Gun with cheeseburger on it peach schnapps in my backpack yeah oh community college shorty yeah i want a community college shorty knows a lot but not about a lot of stuff she's got a book in the morning she's doing her best but we wish it could have been a little better she didn't stop crying in high school until halfway through senior year that's good that's a that song was a jam is that on itunes i think it's on uh i think you have to go on yeah title shout out to title too oh man i his name, but he came to my show in Brooklyn.

Oh, man. JC? Shout out, though, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cool. If you're listening, I'll switch to Tidal if you just even say hi to me. Katie, time for your fourth pick.

Wait, what do you like about Springfield Land? What do they have there? I've never been All of it I mean they have everything They just make a world that you know They just make it Duff beer does it taste good I don't think they do it

There's no alcohol so they don't really do duff beer You said it was an immersive experience Wait are you talking about the one at Universal Studios in NoHo No the one at Disneyland Oh I've never been to that one It's really I'm just taking like the You talk about the one at universal studios in noho no the one at disneyland oh i never been to that one it's really i'm just taking like the the you just go there and it's just the one in the gelson's parking lot no you guys didn't go to the one of my uncle steve's garage that's the one i'm talking about oh that one was i've that one was sad i'm honestly just picking they just

they build what it looks like and that's it like That's enough for me. Why are you getting so defensive? Can we dive into this? Why are you getting so mad? I'm just trying to understand. Do they have the pink, like the donuts? Can you get a Simpsons donut? Yeah, they do have the donuts. You can get the Simpsons donuts. All right, so then where's the beer?

The beer is like a crucial part of the... Disneyland's dry unless you talk about that one rumored bar that you can go to. I think it's real. Otherwise, you've got to go across the way to California Adventure. Well, that's true. All right, well got to go across the way to California Adventure. That's true. That stinks. Just get that out there.

I don't like that. What, Sean? Sean, what? I said, so does poop. I didn't hear you. Is he wrong? No, but sometimes... No, you're not.

Poop stinks for sure. And love. Love stinks. What's that wedding? The only thing to say at this time of your life, at this particular juncture. Are you going to run? Are you going to run away?

Dude, if you run, you better not. I already bought a plane ticket. I'm there. I will beat you with a bag full of oranges if you run. I can't be the only one who's married, you know? Yeah. I'm not going to do this. Now I'm getting in on it.

That's pretty rude, what you said there. Because on account of Marissa's my wife. FaceTime Dan again. Get him back in this discussion. See what his thoughts on the issue are. Two and some years in. Not getting much younger. I'm uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable for him. None of this happens to his face. I do a very good job of hiding this deep, deep down. Not on this very public podcast, you're not. He's never going to listen to it. We're in the middle. He'd have to get through all the other shit. There's no chance he's getting this deep.

And everybody that gets this deep, just keep your mouth shut, okay? Sean. It's been pretty good so far, though. We've got a pretty tight squad if they're this deep. Yeah. I think everyone listens all the way through every single episode. Katie, tell me your fourth pick. Oh, um, oh.

There's five, right? I know I do this every time. We get five. Five lightning round, though. Last one will be quick. Oh, um... Oh. There's five, right? I know I do this every time. We got five. Five lightning round, though. Last one will be quick. Yeah, that's fine. So I'm going to say the... I'm going to say...

Tilt-A-Whirl? Sure. Oh, yeah. Yep. Close to the Gravitron, but not quite. Yeah, it's like you're in a... It's like teacups, but a little bit more intense. It's like you're on the ground. That's where youacups but a little bit more intense it's like you're on

the ground over to after the gravitron yeah for those of us who like to keep our feet on the ground it's like a you're spinning but you're also going but you're it's like spinning in two different acts acts yeah you're spinning on two different you're like going around but you're also not um flying through the air so like the moon going around the earth which is going around the sun wow yeah so technically four ways four different ways which is all happening inside of a crown being worn by God

on her head I thought we weren't supposed to say that on her head as long as we can agree that God is a woman and the earth is flat then I'm there okay wait are those two ideas that you're super opposed to no i'm super opposed to you not wearing a mask this whole pandemic other than that i'm pretty

good don't project on me like you're in a turkish twist only one of us got covid sean i told you second base is that am i the only one who's got it? My gosh. I had it. I had it. Okay. All right. I never got it. Kate doesn't wear a mask either. It stinks. I love when the Tilt-A-Whirl does that hard turn when you're in it. You know, when you're like going around.

And then it's like, yeah, like that. Yeah. And you're like, that's not, I can't. Sucks you all the way back. Yeah. It wraps it up. How does it do that one take? We're like, yo. It gives you a little Gravitron.

Like that. Yeah. The Gravitron. It's the amusement park letting you know that you can't escape the scaly like we see what you're trying to do but this is going to be it's giving it's giving very scaly yeah very scaly yeah so i took tilt the world then and i think we all have to just sit with that love it no it's great cool now you see me i'm about to finish eating this entire apple i have i have been keeping that whole thing yo

that's that's psychopath behavior you just ate there's no stem anywhere where's the stem inside of you that's like when a guy eats a cigarette butt at a party yeah that's always exactly like that i didn't eat the stem oh sure you didn't i didn't it's in this cup okay i bet it's in there cup full of stems. Yeah. Yeah. All right, tilt the world. David Borey. Time for your fourth pick and then your final pick.

My fourth pick is not a ride, but I loved it so much. You guys remember the footsie-wootsie? No, but Google is my friend. You sit on the chair and you put your feet on this vibrating platform and you put a quarter in and it shakes your shit up. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. And then when you walk around, you're all like, whoa. It's a foot sibian.

It's a foot sibian. It is. It's like a foot sibian. And then you're like, blah. You've never done a foot sibian? Are you serious? You can buy these for your house, David. Am I rocking your world right now?

You can buy it. It's coin operated and you can have it at your house. I have enough trouble leaving the house. Yeah, you yeah you can't dip in the sugar bowl like that okay that's third base that's third base footsie wootsie machine huh yeah you never done it no but i i just in general don't like to put my feet where other people's feet have been you have your shoes on oh well then what's that about you can't really enjoy anything with your shoes on that's not true what about a peanut buster parfait i've tried it um with my shoes on but it's just a better experience than my shoes off that's fair that's fair well we do interrogate the idea but it seems to hold up of course yeah yeah yeah i've

you think i haven't done that but yeah sure yeah Happy to go through the steps of it here. But this looks fun. Purely going through the academic steps. Nothing personal in it at all. So you took a foot massager? I just want to make sure I have this right. Yeah. But as a, but yeah. For amusement park attractions.

Next time I get shipped for a pic. One of the best ways I've ever been touched in a parking lot. Whatsy, whatsy. Whatsy, whatsy. Whatsy, whatsy. Whatsy spelled just how you think it would if you're also keeping track at home. Whatsy,. Footsie. Footsie. I love it. Footsie spelled just how you think it would if you're also keeping track

at home. Footsie. Footsie. Footsie. Footsie Collins. Footsie. And then the last one I'm taking for my

for my lightning round that giant swing. You know when it starts in? Okay so that's where I was going to I'm glad somebody took it. That was my backup option. I love that.

Always a good time. It's smooth. It's to go. I'm glad somebody took it. That was my backup option. Yeah, I love that. Always a good time. It's smooth. It's so smooth. Yeah. Always a good time. They're kind of low key. Yeah. Yeah, it's real quiet.

It's not flashy, but a strong player. Yeah. If you're wearing flip flops that day, don't bring those on there with you. That's all I can say. Don't clench your toes. Because those things are gone. Yeah, but you don't want to clench your toes the whole time. No, you want to have fun. You only clench your toes right at the end. You just got off the footsie wood so you don't want to clench your toes the whole time. No, you want to have fun.

You only clench your toes right at the end. You just got off the footsie-wootsie. You don't want it. Your toes are relaxed. I get it. Exactly, exactly. So yeah, not to be the lady who seems to have developed a fetish for not having her shoes on, but when you do go on that ride, you've got to take your shoes off.

Look, I don't normally go this hard in the paint for feet stuff, just because people like it too much, but I will say don't lose your shoe on that thing. It sucks. You gotta walk through the park and try to find where your little $5 old navy sandal was just so you don't go through the rest of the day without a shoe. God, shout out to $5 old navy items. Yeah, that's true.

Everything. I'm not going to that public of a place without a closed shoe. Yeah, I'm laced up. I'm laced up every time. There's just too many moistures that I'm not going to be able to track back to their source. There's a bunch of ruffians in this parking lot. I'm laced up. I keep forgetting yours is exclusively in a parking lot.

It's not really a lot of help. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Katie, time for your final pick. It is a lightning round pick. A bench. There is nothing better at an amusement park than when you find an empty bench

and you're just like, sick. I'm going to sit here. Let me just sit with all the jackets and the purses that you've been... You just sit and chill. All my meat's on a stick. It's got to be the best ride is the bench. That is so nice.

That is perfect. Great pick. Thank you. John Jordan, time have your final pick you'll tell himself i like the gift shop i like stopping i like looking around i like picking up a little something to remember the trip like paying 75 for a picture of your own face way too much but yes i do headshots i pay way more than that my friend oh there it is now my heart's warm again yeah i'll come back around nobody thought you would david you fucking i mean also i know you i got pictures of you in my phone yeah you got a polaroid of me

sitting by your tv i already have a ton of pictures of you looking incredibly scared that i've just taken on my own phone my phone is right here so i don't need yeah more of those i wallpapered an entire guest room with them just scared the scared sean wall it. It's a hit with my guests. Of course it is. Yeah. Of course. Handsome guy. Of course. Time for my final pick. I'm taking Pirates of the Caribbean. Totally. Yo-ho. Here's a question. Did they put in

Jack Sparrow after the movie or has Jack Sparrow been in there the whole time? I don't know. They put him in after. Because now there's like, they put it in after because now there's like eight Jack Sparrows in there. Okay. Does your wife always answer for you or? Damn.

The smile's gone from Ian's face. I think the first, okay, the weird time to put lotion on. This is strange time for second base. Really weird time to reach for the lotion and I stand by that. Wait,

it's not my video, not his. Uh-oh. I hate that picture so much. You love that picture. You look like a substitute teacher. Like a substitute TSA. Who thinks learning should be fun.

I mean, if you guys say that's where you sit, then that's where you sit. Just watch the Sandlot and be quiet, please. Don't get off my back. My divorce is almost final. I'm going to the Bahamas. The Sandlot has those swings in it. They puked in them.

Oh, yeah. After they did the cha. Once your book sells, you're not going to the bahamas in it they they puked in them oh yeah after they did the cha once your book sells you're not going to need this fucking teaching job anyway um pirates of the canadian i just think it's a good it's just a good time i like the way it smells i like the way it looks i like the way it sounds it's just it's a delight for all five senses and you just get to sit down for like an extended period of time. And if you want to do that with less distractions,

I recommend a bench. It's just a bench. You don't have to wait in line for the bench. Mine's like a better version of the bench pick and I think history will look back on it as such. And I got a later? Wow. Tactician. Marissa, do you have a pick? A bench that shakes your feet up. Hey babe, you got a pick? Sweet cheeks?

Yeah, mine is meeting the Disney face characters and falling in love with them I had a huge crush on Peter Pan and I would follow him around Peter Pan was like just dive in Katie you already started the sentence

gender ambiguous in a way that I think resonated with a lot it's like they found a way to i think resonated with a lot it's like they found a way to make little kids that are going through puberty all be like i could i would i might also he would just cause mischief in the park you would follow him around and you'd just be like pranking people and stuff and just causing all mischief yeah mischief in the park that was sean's group's second single yeah we were playing on a lot of wax back then. When you say face characters, can I ask,

is that different than like you're differentiating between that and like mascots who have big masks? Yeah, exactly. That's not right. We're not into that. If I can't look in your eyes, you can't come close to me. Like your jasmines. Well, don't speak for yourself.

I did. Okay. We're not all not into that. Yeah. You're in a parking lot, so I cannot recommend enough avoiding anyone who dies you can't see. Yeah. Just for your, as someone who loves you. That's part of the fun.

Yeah. I guess, if that's your idea of fun, but. To recap, David, you went first. You took the Mind Eraser, Drop Towers, Lazy River, the Footsie Woodsy, and those giant swings. Katie, you went second. You took Dippin' Dots, the Matterhorn, Drink Around the World at Epcot Center, the Tilt-A-Whirl, and a bench. What's up? John,

you went third. You took Flume Rides, Haunted Mansion, the Space Mountain, the Springfield Land at Disneyland, and the Gift Shop. I went last, and I took the Indiana Jones, the Tatsu Ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain, Elephant Ears, the Gravitron, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Not bad. Or the Caribbean, depending on how you want to pronounce it. We left some stuff on the board. Oh, that Star Wars ride at Disneyland, Rise of the Resistance. There she is. What's up, Mel Boogie? Yeah, we all know Laura's real.

Look at those sexy moves she has lucky lucky man she's just sliding along she got out of there quick look at her trying to be not seen but at the same time she just slithered her way out of the room she's a big ace ventura fan so she's always like walking on the side of the building nice i like that i love that everything on my list got taken except for the wave pool main street parade Parade. I had some more. I had feeling like a child was one of the attractions of Amusement Park to me. Things like that. I realized we were going that route pretty quick.

Sean, seeing your dad holding hands. With a bottle of Jameson. Having your parents put a leash on you. Wait, what's going on? What did I miss? I took my headphones off for one second. We're just naming all the things we didn't draft. Dana Lane Dennis had corn dogs which absolutely anything on a stick yeah yeah i tried to get last time i went i tried to get

in a frozen banana and they didn't have them but you like those right those frozen bananas i do yeah it's on me the hard part is having for a woman the hard part is finding a place where you can eat it in peace. You know? Yeah. I don't, why? What? Well, if you were to close your eyes. It's like a blowjob. And picture it.

You know what, Sean? I got this. I got this. Ian, if you were to close your eyes and just, I hate to say it, but picture me eating a frozen banana. And then I think. Marissa's getting mad. Nope. Don't do it.

Oh, my God. I didn't have a list of things I wanted to draft because I didn't know I was doing this today but I feel like we might have missed things that people are going to get really mad at us for nah we killed it that's the game though that superman rollercoaster at six flags in New England is awesome it's the only rollercoaster I've ever really ridden is it the one that goes all the way to the top

and then stops and then goes back it's like 30 seconds it's just a regular rollerco roller coaster but it's your it goes higher than the um statue of liberty and then you have a drop that's like weightlessness for the longest at the time it was the longest amount of time i bet there's a crazier roller coaster out there now probably in dubai it goes all the way up once it was over i love roller coasters when they're done yeah yeah that's the best part it's getting off the best part yeah it's like a footsie

david has a foot penis all right a penis uh that was it that was the line well listen hey we want to hear from you hit us up at all fantasy pod Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on our AFE Patreon. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Slackity. On the AFE Subreddit. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. My wife. I'm sorry.

My wife. Everybody got in there. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shakakity! that was a hate gun podcast