All Fantasy Everything - Animals That Can Fuck Right Off (w/ Zach Harper, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

To quote the unparalleled Daniel Lavery on opossums - "MY FULL ENTIRETY OF A REACTION TO YOU CAN BE SUMMED UP THUSLY AND FOLLOWING: SHAVEN’T, NOT AS IN SHAVE-ENT BUT RHYMES-WITH-HAVEN’T. SHAVEN’T. I SHAVEN’T YOU. SHAVEN’T. YOUR WHOLE ENDEALMENT, I DON’T PRIZE." Guest: Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Podcasts: Cinephobe | Count The Dings Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture or animals that can fuck off. Because on today's episode, we're drafting animals that can fuck right off. Returning to draft with us today

is friend of the podcast, Marissa. Marissa put friend of the podcast. Surely, surely she knows, just like everyone knows, that joining us today is enemy of the podcast, Zach Harper, in addition to covering the NBA at The Athletic, where I subscribe because of him, he also hosts the podcast, Cinephile,

and Count the Dings, available wherever you get your podcasts. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and we're joined, as always, by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Hit the theme. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that said the wrong podcast in the intro to this podcast. Unbelievable.

I'm so sorry. I truly am an enemy. That's the way to get me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I truly am an enemy. That's the way to get me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cinephile is a podcast with Adnan Virk and Chris Cody of the Levitard Show and Friends Podcast Network where they talk about movies that are good. Cinephobe is my podcast with Amin Alhassan on the Count the Dings Network where we talk about movies that are poorly rated on Rotten Tomatoes. We try to ascertain if they're properly poorly rated or maybe they didn't get a fair shake. That's Cinephobe, produced by Anthony Mays. I chopped your ass up and threw you on the campfire, dude. What are you going to do with it? Happy Halloween.

I'm going to come back as a ghost and haunt you with DMX. Whoa, no. That's not haunting, my friend. That's a good time. Harper, were you on the episode where we drafted Rotten Tomato movies with an Oscar? Yeah, that was the first time I was on, I think. That's one of my favorite episodes. Episode 13.

Damn, Marissa's good. That was tight. That was the tightest thing you've ever done. I don't even know if she's lying or not. She could be just making that up. It sounded so much conviction. Honestly, the confidence was good enough that I don't care. Marissa had that off the top and went to a Shrek-themed Halloween party in the same weekend.

That's the range. I was meaning to tell you how funny I thought that was. That's hilarious. Marissa, how was the Shrek-themed Halloween party? It was good. I only had about a week's notice, and I had to dress up as a Shrek character for the party. And so I went as a blind mouse because that was pretty easy costume to put together i get to the party and there's 17 blind mice there at the party it was

just largely a party just full of blind mice how many people how many people were at the party um it was uh i i'd say almost one in a quarter people were a blind mouse at that party. Did anybody go full Shrek? Only the party host, but he's like, he paper macheted a Shrek head and he could not see anything out of the head. So he would only put it on for pictures, but it did look very good. That's hilarious. Only the party host was Shrek. No peonies, unfortunately.

It's almost better if just party host was Shrek. No peonies, unfortunately. It's almost better if just the host goes Shrek. If you're Shrek and you're hosting and then another Shrek shows up, that's a weird vibe. You have to fight. It's his swamp. There can only be one Shrek. Exactly.

Exactly. Was anybody Farquaad? That's my guy, the little guy. There was a Farquaad there, yes. He was a very well done costume. I think I would have gone Gingerbread Man, maybe? Maybe. It would have been fun to do

Farquaad and the Gingerbread Man. What about the wolf in the dress? Wasn't there a wolf in a dress? The grandma. Yeah, a little red riding hood. Did anyone try to do donkey? Yes, there was a donkey there. Really? That's a big swing.

Was it a white person? Yes, it was a donkey there. Really? That's a bold, that's a big swing. Was it a white person? Yes, it was. How do we feel about that? You can do it if it's like, because I would be a white cartoon character. It's cartoon-verse. All right. Yeah, but I bet you they tried to do the voice.

I bet you they were talking and that's... Oh, much like you try to do the RZA voice? Where's the line? I don't try to do... Where is the line? It's in Staten Island. David, that's art. What I'm doing is art, my friend.

Now, that's Sean doing the RZA voice. I thought it was RZA just popping in on the podcast. A lot of people think that. This is why you're an enemy. A lot of people think that. Because you come here and you sow seeds of discontent. I thought it was weird that only Sean invited me on. I thought that was.

They didn't know until right now. Yeah. I thought it was going to be Zach Collins. Yeah, I thought it was Miguel. That was Zach Collins. I hope he's doing well. Injured. Yeah.

Who isn't? That'll be the case. Thanks, Saquon Barkley. My fantasy's getting ripped. Puss in Boots would have been fun. You just wearing boots and a hat and you're full nude. Yeah, because... That's the goal of the party anyway, right?

You just have a sword on and then you dick out? It's not a sword, David. You just show up and you're like, let's act like the party is just winding down. What's it going to look like? Smith one time, we were in elementary school and he wore just

he had underwear on and just cobwebs over his whole body. So he got to school, and it looked fine. Because you couldn't tell. But minutes into the day, the cobwebs started to fall off, and he was just in elementary school in his underwear, and they're like, you got to go home, man. You can't be here like that. It's pretty bad.

They got to have like a little Ghostbusters jumpsuit ready to go in case anyone rolls up in something inappropriate. Every school should have that. Yeah, every school should have like the de facto costumes. Yeah. Well, now you're DW. We're raising money in November to buy schools an emergency Ghostbusters jumpsuits. When Laura and I were at the Smash Room, which I couldn't stop laughing about the name the other day, we had to wear jumpsuits.

It's called the bedroom. Grow up. Maxine got there. Dude, they called it the Smash Room so many times and this one time the girl worked and she goes, is there anything else that you'd like to smash before you leave? And I was like, come on.

Damn, it's one of those places, huh? And I know she knows what smash means. They would have liked that puss in boots costume over there. How happy is this birthday going to be? That's my question. Smash everything. What are we doing? Everything.

Low T, dude. I do have low T, yeah. Low T. Low T individual. Yeah, I don't have a smash. A man with low T. High enough to make a baby. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that all that matters? It is. She had, since you bring it up, she had the biggest fit of her entire life to date yesterday. Is this what we're going to get into? Your no good, awful bad day? Let me, can I do it?

It'll take about a minute. You couldn't get sucked. Sean has Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean, you had a bad day. I'm about to talk about it. Come see me and Kyle Kinane November 18th in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. So yesterday, I was supposed to go help Tori with a pergola that he was building.

I built a pergola. I leave the house, and somebody texted me. They were like, hey, can you go grab some vegan donuts for this party tonight? And I was like, sure. It's Portland. It's not too hard. So the place that I was going to get them was closed. So then I was going to call an audible, go to another place.

Were you going to that spot by Rev Hall? I ended up there. So I was going. You have a backup vegan donut place? There's like 30. Portland, Oregon. That's fine. That's why it wasn't a big deal.

That's why it didn't matter. Someone's like, go get vegan donuts. And I was like, stop at a store is all I heard. You know? So I go to Delicious Donuts on Burn on burnside they're closed call an audible i go to t body whatever it is by rev hall which is a couple miles away and i recorded three albums under the name delicious donuts keep going got stuck behind a train called the guy working and i go hey how many vegan donuts do you guys have and he goes oh and he named the two kinds and i go do you guys have? And he goes, oh, and he named the two kinds. And I go, do you literally have two?

And he goes, oh, we literally have five. And I go, can you save them for me? He goes, no, I can't. And I was like, okay. And I didn't say anything. And he goes, but if you hurry, you might get them. And I go, I know that. And then I just hung up.

I couldn't, I was shocked. That was the beginning. I was like, this day is going to suck, dude. So I get there, got the five vegan donuts. and the person behind me was asking them for vegan donuts. So I felt like a prick, but I took them all, drove to Tori's house. I was 45 minutes late to help him set up this pergola that was supposed to take about an hour, hour and a half. We set it up. I leave before it's all done. And I come back and I was like, I got 10 more minutes before I got to be at this party. All I did in that 10 minutes was drop a two by four and put a hole in his deck that's all i did with my extra 10 minutes and then i left and then i left i get to this halloween

party about an hour late with some ice that i had to get so on my way there i stopped to get ice two places were out of ice that had ice machines in the front so i had to go to a far away 7-eleven to get some ice i get get there and Rob was like, hey, can you grab some more ice? Absolutely I can. But it was just another thing. So I went and grabbed more ice, came back, had one taquito and then Max,

who Laura spent all day making her a Tetris costume. She was dressed like a Nintendo controller with a Tetris game. Oh, that's adorable. And Laura and I were each Tetris pieces. Max had the biggest fit of her life so it was scary because she couldn't breathe she was screaming so hard that she couldn't breathe for like 45 minutes check out the youtube video of me on roller coasters by the way

that just reminded me keep going anyway we came home and then i made dinner to be nice and it was too spicy for laura so she couldn't eat dinner. Want black pepper? Wow. And then we went, I was like, this ain't dank, so let's just call it, let's just get to bed. Let's just get to bed. Let's just get to the smash room. It was fine. It was one of those days where everybody sucks.

No, it was one of those days, like, it was not that bad, but it's just like, fuck you, dude. Everything was an issue yesterday what what i heard was you were part of tori's bad day he right yes so i left yeah listen to this so i'll send you guys a picture but i left and then he sent me a picture and it said well shit and the whole this pergola was like 15 feet wide uh eight feet high at the base and then about 12 feet high at the top him and taretta tip the whole thing over after i left and put a giant hole on the stairs so the whole i'm surprised somebody didn't get hurt and he sent me a picture so now i have to go back and help him today and

i'm like i'm kind of freaked out because it was it was dangerous here's the thing i can say from first-hand experience you have to respect that pergola. It's way harder to build than you think. We were on, there were so many ladders. You're like, oh, this is what, like seven slats? I'm going to, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it's like complicated. It's dangerous.

I leased a Nissan pergola once, and it was, I didn't like it. I actually got addicted to pergola 30s for a summer, and it was not. I bought my fiance a lot of lingerie from Pergola. It's expensive. It's expensive. It's worth it. It's worth it. Yeah.

No, you got to pay for class. Yeah. Well, I'm not in a joking mood, boys. No, I'm kidding. I'm interested to see how it goes today. I'll send you guys some updates. You're interested, too. I am interested to see how it goes today. I'll send you guys some updates. You're interested too. Definitely, when you send me those updates,

maybe just drop in what a pergola is because I've been flying blind this whole conversation. I'll drop one in the chat. I'll drop one in the chat. Pergola was a second round pick of the San Antonio Spurs in 2004. He's actually Kristaps Porzingis' cousin. Nikola Pergola. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, great. I brought a pergola home oneola. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Yeah, I brought a pergola home one time, and my dad kicked her out, so whatever. Pergola is what Italians call that place that isn't heaven or hell, right? Pergola. You keep talking like that, you're going to end up in pergola. Pergola. You vote for the Green Party, you're not going to hell, but you're going to pergola. I'm just kidding.

Green Party's cool. David Borey is here. Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram. Not on Twitter, you fucking bastards. Not on there. Good for you. Thanks, man. I had to do it.

You're missing a lot, man. Twitter's actually cleaned up and it's really good now. I'm sure I am. I'm just right now. They fixed it. Yeah yeah i believe it i just for me it would be go on get angry go off go back on get angrier go off type a bunch of ghost replies that i don't send that's exactly what a pergola is go in the chat that's a pergola but imagine there's there's a four foot higher peak on it now so like more that's big

that's a big piece of work it's huge but if you look at it it's not a ton of wood so you're like oh i could yeah you think you can handle that yeah yeah exactly it's a lot more complicated i don't call it a pro there's people whose job that is you know tory's tory's a big diy dude where i'm like i'll pay somebody a thousand bucks to do this. I like to build Ikea furniture, but I'm not going to build a pergola. Yeah, I'm not building a fucking pergola. First of all, how can you build the third largest city in Bolivia? How do you even build that?

In where? I don't know a lot about Bolivia. Oh, you're asking me dates? Is that what you're asking? I'm just asking you to fucking give it your all dude whatever it is you want to talk about just sing it with the whole listen man i'm here i took uh you know what i did this weekend i took one for me yes i didn't do anything i didn't do any halloween stuff i didn't really go anywhere i went to i went to go watch sam talent at the comedy works

friday night other than that I just chilled in the neighborhood took a few walks I'm going to put together this dresser today really just a low impact weekend man I had one of those, well I worked actually the entire weekend, never mind, but you do need those I needed one because I got a little run

coming up, speaking of which come out to see me at Helium Comedy Club on November 14th. Sunday, I'm going to be there. Also come to Faded Denver, November 19th. Going to be there. So much fun. And then, you know, other than that, you know, I'm around.

I'm just, I'm moving steady. I'm getting ready for this Europe trip. I'm just, I'm moving steady. I'm getting ready for this Europe trip. I'm just, I'm. What? What? I'm going to Europe. What? You didn't tell us that.

I did. You said you were going to give me Rexy, and I told you when I first got the tickets. All right. That sounds like me. It wasn't in Denver? Oh. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

Because we got the tickets maybe the week before you guys came to Denver. Yeah, I'm going to Europe for two weeks, November 26th to December 10th. Amazing. That's going to be great. That's gnarly, dude. Where are you going to be? I'm really excited. We're going to go to London and then Nice and then Rome and then Paris.

I will indeed send you Rex. I'll get on that right after this. Yeah, I'm all ready for it. But other than that, I'm just chilling, man. That's amazing that's gonna be fantastic are you gonna see the the fam while you're over there well they're coming for christmas so no i'm not i'm just me and sam t and uh sam's dad dave and now his sister sophie are all going so it's like a boys plus the girl trip oh that's beautiful ah so true yeah i'm gonna

eat the girl another name for this podcast. I'm going to eat some bread and cheese in the south of France. Oh, oui, oui, dude. Oui, oui. This time of year, you might even help yourself to a little bit of beef bonignon. Oh, no. Yeah, dude. Some beef bonignon. You know I love the big Bs.

Some coq au vin. I'm going to get two of them. Yeah, dude. Some bangers and mash. Some bangolognese. Some coq au vin. I want to get two of them. Yeah, dude. Some bangers and mash. Some bangers and mash. Some shepherd's pie. I'm the least excited about England's food, to be completely honest. And, and, and.

It's terrible, right? It's not. It's really good. They got some good fucking, they have some great Indian food. Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, sure. And, I mean, if you play it right,

dude, there's this restaurant called St. Jack over there. I think, no, it's not called St. Jack. I'll get the right name. St. Jack is in Portland. I forget the name of it. I'll send you a list. It's fucking great. Send me a whole list. We got one Michelin star reservation right now for some place in London, though. Is it Heston Blumenthal's restaurant?

Hold on. I don't know. That sounds like a... We can do this off right now for some place in london though so is it heston blumenthal's restaurant uh hold on i don't know that sounds like a we can do this off fair i don't i because i don't know where i got it i want people to know that i know the name heston blumenthal all right i loved it i loved it uh dinner is one of his restaurants that's really good it's just called dinner dinner i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that that's too cute. I don't like that. I don't like that. That's too cute. I don't mind it. I think it's pretty tight. Went ahead and called it dinner.

Dinner. It's like the bar that calls itself the gym. Oh, yeah. Or the office. Is that a bar? There's, I think, a place in West Hollywood that's called the gym. There's the office, which harkens back to a day where it's like, honey, don't worry. I'm just at the office.

Uh-huh. You know, you laugh off the phone. I'm not lying. I'll see you just at the office. I'm not lying. I'll see you in heaven, honey. I'm not going to pergola. I'm not going to pergola. I want everyone to know, if there's a spooky vibe to today's podcast, we are recording on Halloween morning,

which is also a morning that finds the Atlanta Braves up 3-1 in the World series did they play tonight they play tonight win tonight they could take the whole thing tonight i'm gonna be so drunk tonight let me tell you that man who's gonna be so drunk tonight zach harper at talk hoops on twitter at talk hoops on instagram at watching baseball on halloween night yeah you're damn right i am how are you feeling how does it feel i've never known this feeling before of even being close it's great so they they won the world series when i was when i was 13 and that was like

a great moment in my childhood yeah because i remember being genuinely terrified of kenny lofton because he was playing for the Cleveland team soon to be the Cleveland Guardians. And so Kenny Lofton was terrifying because he was just so fast, you know, he was so fast. I didn't think the Braves could ever get him out and that Albert Bell and it was all

that and they overcame that and Dave Justice, who was my favorite player who took justice. You call him Dave Justice. Dave Justice. Yeah, Dave Justice. Fuck dude. I call. Dave Justice? You call him Dave Justice? Dave Justice? What the fuck, dude? I call him Dave Justice. I call him Ronnie Gant, okay? You know what?

I'll switch it up however I want. Dave Justice did it. Dave Justice is a different guy. Now, Dave Justice was my guy. I patterned my baseball swing after him. I wore number 23 because of him, not because of Michael Jordan, because of Dave Justice. His name is David. His name is Dave.

Dave Justice sounds like the president of the Neighborhood Watch Association for the whole world. Also, Dave Justice doesn't make him sound nearly as hot as he is. Yeah. I think he's a shitty person. I think he turned out to be like,

well, I don't want to throw out accusations that don't end up being true, but I'm pretty sure he ended up not being a great dude. He was an early adopter of the Justice solo patch. I can't imagine how great he was. Dave Injustice, if you're going to say it like that. Wow. There he is. He hit the series clinching home run.

It was like the greatest time of my life. And now I want the Braves to win for me, but I want them to win for my dad. My dad's a huge atlanta braves fan and i like he's been stressed out of his mind and he's so excited about tonight can i tell you your dad sent me the funniest shit like three days ago i can't even he just sent me a video of some guy in oklahoma walking out doing the coming to america speech like good morning hello queens but it's like some guy in oklahoma my my dad sends me no shit like 30 dms on instagram a day just of stuff that he sees he's like zach must like this road in china that looks that looks built different like and it's just like here's i love here's a scorpion patch or something yeah here's what i got from your dad from warren buffett dot official and it's

a picture of christian pale and it says they don't apologize about what they did to you they only blame you for how you reacted why is my dad sending you that but i hearted it of course yeah dude i got tons of i got tons of DMs from your dad, actually. Oh, good. So it's not just me that he's- No, I got a bunch. That he's peppering with these. How do I get in on the Zach's dad Instagram train?

I want to see roads that are built all different. I bet he's hit you up. Dude, your dad reacted to a picture of me at the dentist by just thumbs up, thumbs up, thumbs up. Make sure you see Summer of Soul. Saw it today. It was very good the pips stole the show your dad's the best dude my dad's the greatest yeah yeah i love bill harper it's

just like it's i don't know if you guys can see that but it's just like you know just like all this shit like it's just constant why don't you respond to your dad sometimes how about that if i responded to every dm my dad sent me i wouldn't be able to do my jobs no yeah you just send a but you throw up a heart and then sometimes you react to one yeah you know yeah but i also can't encourage the behavior at the same time you know i can't hurt every single one of them he's gonna do it though he's just gonna send a man i will respond to every dm you know just he thought i respond every time your dad hits me up. So what's up? Just saying. What's his Instagram handle?

I'll send it to you. It's actually a wild one. It's BonerWings420. It's BonerWings420 for sure. No love for Bill Harper. Shout out to Bill Harper though. I want the Braves to win for him. That's what I want.

Absolutely. So you have the Cinephobe. Actually, since it is Halloween, great job Ian. Cinephobe. Today, normally, so we do a holiday episode every month as part of our Patreon content. This will come out a week from next Thursday, just so you have that in your old noggin popping around.

Patreon.com slash counttheding to get all the network's extra stuff, including our Patreon content for Cinephobe. But we always do a holiday episode behind the paywall. This Halloween, in front of the paywall, because we got Brad Williams.s oh nice yeah we did leprechaun in the hood come to do no good he raps at the end if you guys don't remember the entire movie and it is i had never seen it before never seen it's a classic that's a bizarre movie is iced tea in it iced tea is tea is in it. Lep in the hood? Oh, yeah. You got to go see that. Lep in the hood. Yeah. I've never heard it called the paywall.

That's fun. The paywall, yeah. Behind the paywall, dude. You call it the sugar wall. Cinephobe is the only thing I do that's not behind the paywall exclusively. I got the athletic paywall where you can read. Paywall. Sirius XM.

You can read a couple. Paywall. You can read a couple athletics and then they get you. Paywall. Where you can read. Paywall. Sirius XM. You can read a couple. Paywall. You can read a couple athletics and then they get you. And then they get you. They'll give you just so much of the article and then they get you. The price went up on Zach Harper. Mm-hmm. Sure did.

Because I got a lot of bills. I got a lot of pergolas I'm trying to lease. You got to pay your automobile bills, your telephone bills. Yep. Yeah. Then maybe you can chill. Did you guys get that picture of the pergolas your telephone bills. Yep. Yeah. Then maybe. Maybe. Did you guys get that picture of the pergolized at you?

I did. Yeah. Look at it. It just looks like a pile of wood. That's what we got to go put back up after this. Oh, shit, dude. Yeah. That's the best.

Dude, that's the best. There's four of us. Tori's like, we got an extra guy today. And I was like, so another person to take to the hospital is what we got? Why did they put it together before they put it up? We had to. There's no way to do it right. No, that's not true.

I don't think that's construction. I don't think that's how that works. There weren't even instructions with it. That's how hard it is to put together. They didn't even give instructions. They were just like, you have to get it done. Well, I mean, you have to concrete down the four or what do you got?

Six there? And then you got to do it up top. You can't though. They're eight feet tall. You need ladders, Sean. Interesting logic is that it's so hard that they didn't give instructions. Wouldn't that be the reason to give instructions? That it's so difficult? This picture is insane.

We're building it on the porch and the ladders aren't high enough. We don't have high enough ladders. That's okay. So there is a way to do it. You just don't have the equipment. Don't blame it on the pergola. We can get a crane, dickhead. Yeah, there's a way to do it.

What? A crane? What part of this doesn't sound like testimony? That's all I'm saying. In a lawsuit. All of this sounds like testimony to me great now we're subpoenaed yeah well david's cross-examining me i wasn't ready for i got all the buttons on the henley undone there's a way to do it if i was going to court the henley would be buttoned up my friend

so what your plan is your plan is to put it all together and then raise it we did the amish raising a barn we're gonna do again. We already did that once. We're going to do it again. And how did it go? They accidentally pulled it down after I left because they were putting on the last bracket. I don't know the whole story yet because we haven't voiced it,

but I'm going to ask when I get there. I imagine they just put a little too much weight on one part and yanked it down. And I'm sure it was very scary and loud, so I'm excited to hear about that. My favorite part about this picture is the child and the clearly

tired spouse. Look at the window. Look at her. I didn't notice that. Yeah. I didn't notice that. She looks

so tired. There's also a person not wearing shoes, which I don't, that can't be safe. It's wild, man. I didn't say anything that was safe. I said we were doing it. I think this is a dick slap operation if I've ever seen one, man. The woman not wearing shoes looks like she's wearing one of those African hats, too. There's a lot going on in this picture.

It was a day, man. I want it for you guys. I do want it for you guys i'll keep you updated there's there's there's men and and women and people of non-binary gender people of every gender who have who are burly and who have toiled and who have spent time with rough hands constructing things and you can and you can take the money that you make doing podcasting or whatever else and give it to them and they will come and and and and render their experience in such a way as to put up a pergola where it where it doesn't fracture someone's femur i'm burly you're squirrely these hands are gonna do it you're squirrely dude who has the roughest hands on this podcast right now? Who do we think?

David. I don't know, though. I moisturize a lot. Oh, yeah. But you put up a pergola. I have put up a pergola. Yeah, yeah. But to be fair, ours wasn't prefab like that.

We bought the lumber and made it, so maybe it was easier. We cut everything, so maybe that was different. It's not me. I'll get out ahead of that. See, I think I have softer hands than you, Ian. I would argue that I have softer hands than you do. We're not a bunch of dry hands, rough hands boys.

These babies are moisturized. I think you can tell by the way you said dry hands, rough hands boys that we're not in the game, dog. What did you say to me? Listen, I said I'm not a dry hand, rough hand boy. Get out of my face, please. This is the ball where people get along.

My hands get calloused from gripping microphones from here to Dallas. Shout out to Lauryn Hill. The Irish, actually, during Boss Tweed's days in New York, the dry hands, rough hands boys were his personal gang of henchmen. Oh, the Dry Hands, Rough Hands boys were his personal gang of henchmen. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they fought alongside the Dead Rabbits to see who holds sway over the five points.

Oh, shit, it's the Dry Hands, Rough Hands boys. We gotta get out of here. That's just a kill. They're chiseless. Get out of Times Square, post-haste. I've told you about chisels, right? My cousin Tucker, have i told you that story what chislers so is this a is this a not racist it's like the one thing it feels racist right off the

right off the top i go to visit him in jackson this is also the day before the first time i ever got drunk i was like 13 i visited my cousin tucker. And he he's driving this truck, which by the way, he's also 13, but he takes the truck out. Wait, what? Yeah, he goes, you want to go what's he, he's like, you want to go see some chislers or something like that. And I was like, what's a chiseler? And he's like, what? So we go up this mountain and then he turns

into this field and there's like 100 prairie dogs. And then he just starts, he didn't get any, but he just starts gunning, trying to run them over. And they call prairie dogs. And then he just starts, he didn't get any, but he just starts gunning, trying to run them over. And they called prairie dogs chislers back then. I don't know if they still do, but that was his idea of fun, was to try to go run over a bunch of prairie dogs.

Sean, why don't you have a book? Isn't that wild? Like, I would want to do that. What about me at 13? I don't know. Did you think I wanted to do that? David, where do you think Sean grew up? What kind of place?

This was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. This is not a white ghetto. I think it feels like maybe it's one of those situations like when you go to Cancun. And you make it what you want. You got to go through the town. But then there's a you want. You gotta go through the town. But then there's a resort over there. You were in the town. You were off-grid Cancun.

You see a lot of nondescript dogs. That's the Cancun experience. Also, the question, do you want to go get some chisels? Tell me that doesn't sound racist. It did. And then, pretty much everything else... It does not

sound like just killing a bunch of prairie dogs no i was shocked that it's just like although i know they're menaces though right they are like it was in the middle of a mountain they were minding their own business if any if any animals ever been minding their own business that's what they were doing it was these chisels it was these chisels whose truck was it i don't know i mean it was you know i don't know maybe my uncle bills i don't know whose truck it was we were kids we were we were children so it wasn't his then i drank a bottle of southern comfort that night and i still to this day i can't drink southern comfort was it was it because you were so sad about all the chislers you would send to heaven i'm saying he didn't get any none we didn't get we didn't run over any chislers as far as i know how is he that bad at it then like i feel like he's 13 driving a

truck man he didn't know what he was doing it was probably his second time he was probably showing off like he just found out about chislers last week and then he was oh yeah he's like oh yeah this is what we do up here yeah it kind of feels like a training day situation where he's trying to see what sean is willing to go with yeah damn sean i know you like to get wet yeah cousin tucker i thought we were going to the office we're in the office baby and theners off the ground we open chiseler's yeah i think that is the sister right next to each other yeah yeah i think that's the rough hands and dry hands right there yeah my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel

i'm gonna forgo the jewish thing to tell you guys i woke up at uh like 4 a.m this morning after having the most vivid dream the most vivid dream that zach you weren't there i'm sorry it was just it was just sean david and i were doing a live oh i was there okay you were doing a live AFE, and the most vivid choreographed to pony by genuine dance number that we opened the show with, and it was like fucking sexual. It was like... You magic mic'd it. We magic mic'd it.

We did a magic mic level, like humping the stage dance moves and like i like pony played perfectly in my dream like all the like and even that like you know how it has that yeah in it like that was in the dream like the song played perfectly and that's how we opened the show and then the other thing i remember about the show is it was poorly attended oh no it was sparse well that that's got to be that's got to be stress right that's a stress-related dream yeah i don't know but i woke up so happy from the pony thing and also when i went back to the stage i could hear i somehow knew more people

were streaming in and that like maybe like maybe we were just doing that to kill time for a while. It was crazy. It was crazy. I love, also, it was poorly attended. It was poorly attended. That's how you know it's a dream. We've never had a poorly attended live show ever. Not a single one.

We haven't. Not one. We haven't really not sold it out yet, which is thanks to you. Yeah, we've sold out the majority of our live shows. Shout out. But we haven't done a pony choreographed dance. Well, if you come see me on Sunday, November 14th at Helium, Sean will come out choreographed a pony.

I'll halfway commit to that right now. It's too late. I'll halfway commit. Is that a commitment? That's worth the price of admission right there, y'all. I'll get him to a full commit by this coming Saturday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's going

to LSU. You know how many times I'm going to say I love you this coming Saturday, by the way? It's going to be pretty buck. I'm ready for it. I'll be sitting there in a Gucci jacket, dude. Don't show it. Don't show it. He's shown it. He's got two. He's got two cheese three you got through cheese you got tray they're all hand-me-downs so i can't really i can't really

don't do that don't be one of those people that does that you got them i don't care how you got them yeah man you got friends that decided hey here's my gucci jacket that's that's that's enough i got i got friends who gave me a fake rolex and paid for it. I got friends that say, help me put up this pergola instead of me paying people a modest amount of money to do it. That pergola's fucked. That's just not... It's never going to be a pergola.

I can see it. You can see it in that kid's face. The three of you will have a photo. Mars, I'll include you. The four of you will have a photo of an erected pergola later today. And we'll also put up that thing in Tori's yard. Whoa! Hey!

Hey! What am I doing? Can you put up the one of the sideways one, at least for the Patreon? Or just the zoom in on the little boy and the sad woman? Yeah, let's get that up. Let's get that up on the net. Put something on there. Let's get that up on the net.

I can't go on the internet. That's not my kid. I can't. Oh, yeah, that's fair net i can't go on the internet that's not my kid i can't oh yeah that's can't be putting other kids up there just know that that kid is just do what the do what the the folks on the instagram do where they put the like the baby emoji face over the kids face and then he puts the rose over it but it's the kids it's the kids face that really makes it so yeah i was gonna say it's the body. Just make friends with Tori, I guess. Yeah, I dare you to go try to make friends with Tori. He's cold as ice.

The pergolo. Go for it. I have myself a George Clooney double feature last night. I watched The Perfect Storm and then The Descendants. Oh, okay. So for those of you not Patreon members, for those of you who aren't patreon members in denver we drafted movie 90s movies shane torres i believe went first and tried to pick the perfect storm out

of all the 90s movies he picked the perfect storm which wasn't even a 90s movie nope made in the year 2000 it's good but it's not the best you ever feel like the perfect storm is like the edge of Clooney's range? Yeah, fully the edge of Clooney's range. That's about as far out. He can't go much more into normal dude. He's not normal dude guy. He's just not a normal dude. Yeah, he's not guy on a fishing boat. Like Mark Wahlberg, you could be like,

oh, he's the hot guy on the fishing boat. That seems like he'd realize. Life would never put a George Clooney on a fishing boat that yeah seems like he'd never put a george clooney on a fishing boat not with him would have intervened way earlier here's two things about a perfect storm that one works a lot for me one does not work at all the one that works john c reilly being one of those semen dudes that is oh yeah he's perfect oh yeah the one that doesn't work is a very prim and proper put together Diane Lane with a trying to be a fisherman Mark Wahlberg. No, no way.

And it's a bad. She's doing. She's trying to blobby. She's trying to do the accent. It's not good. Yeah, it's not. She's not good at it. Not that I know.

She sounds like she sounds like Mike Malloy. Yeah. And that's an insult. Yeah. Mike. Just Sam Adams and clam chowder spewing out of his gullet all day. I don't need it. Eating a fucking pot pie.

It's 40 minutes in and you came up, Mike. How do you like that? Now you can turn it off. It's also 85 degrees and you're eating a pot pie. Just chiefing a pot pie in the middle of summer. I'm wondering why I think you're nuts. Two in the morning at a bar in Los Feliz. Let me get the shepherd's pie. Why don't you go dust off the shepherd's pie that you've had back there for a decade?

Ordering a shepherd's pie in a place that until the 1800s was a Mexican colony. Yeah, you came to the West Coast. You moved to Los Angeles to eat shepherd's pie. You know what I'd really like right now? Some peas in a crust. Yeah.

Yeah. Hot beef. That's what I need. I want to blow on every spoonful of food for the next hour at this bar. Oh, we love you. Now, we're gathered here today not to just fucking roast Mike Malloy's shepherd's pie habit, but also.

Have it. Roast it. Oh, watch the Late Late Show with James Gordon. Watch Sex Unzipped on Netflix. Talking about boobs, boners, and butts. But we're here to draft animals that can fuck right off. Zach Harper, this was your suggestion. And when did it come?

It was on a list. It was on a list that Sean, who's the only one that wanted me on the podcast, sent over. I don't know why you throw that in. We don't know. We know. I got a lot of issues. I had to sell them real hard. I got a lot of issues with a lot of animals.

I don't. I'm not a nature so great person. I'm not a nature so great person. I'm of the opinion that nature is constantly trying to kill us. Constantly. The sun trying to stay out too long. Speak for yourself, dog. All right.

Nature's always trying to kill us, and so nature can fuck right off. Yeah, I said it. Laura is by trade a zoologist and I was running this by her and every animal I said, she's like, well, and then they just ripped off a bunch of good stuff they do and I was like,

I'm not trying to hear that. I'm talking about... We're choosing violence and ignorance today. I got a draft. I'm not trying to hear that, see? There he goes. Sweet new car smell gets the positive K

joke. That's right. You know what I mean? When you've been running pick and rolls together for 15 years, you can do it with the lights off, man. You're the only people who've ever run a pick and roll positive K joke. That's only the two of you have only ever done it. Now,

the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors, and we throw on shoot. I'm going to call it, but before I do that, I'm going to put on my fiance's glasses so I look real smart. You look stupid, dude. You look like you're a wizard, Harry. You're a wizard, Harry. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, shit. David wins. And I wasn't even ready david always wins you're never ready dick how was he so nice when ready you don't have to get ready if it's

it's on me or it's in me it's not on me you know what i mean you don't have to get ready if you were born ready now david before you uh determine the order of this draft which it's incumbent upon you to do i will remind you that it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. I think Katie stopped me from using this explanation to its full potential, so I'll change it a little bit. But as it is Halloween, Katie Nolan, that evil harlot that we have on the show sometimes. Whoa, harlot. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, evil? You guys got something wrong with evil? Katie's my dog, dude. Evil lurks within all of us. Yeah, yeah. Is harlot whoa whoa what evil you guys got something wrong with evil katie's my dog everyone has evil lurks within all of us yeah is harlot a bad one i love you kate it's a sex it's a

it's a it's a gendered and sexual insult and for which the use of you will be canceled is it really i always thought it was a little more i thought it was old enough to where it didn't it was more funny now if i'm wrong i apologize well it used used to be accepted when they had the harlot hornets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the harlot globetrotters. Let's say you're tricking for a while. That's funny. I was going to say trick or treat. I know. As I'm saying it,

let's say you're treating. Let's say on Halloween you trick or treat. It's not tricking if you got it, Sean. It's funny because I didn't say this out loud. It is treating if you got it john it doesn't it's funny because i didn't say this out loud but uh it is treating if you guys doesn't work the way i want it to because i go if it's you know you trick or treat on halloween so let's say you're tricking for a while you're after a great start and then you go oh my god fumble fumble right before the goal line is what's happening here and then you treat for a long time but after you're done treating you want to go back to tricking but before you do that you treat a little bit more and then you go back to tricking see this sounds like prostitution yeah you trick

for a while and then you want to go back to treating but before you do that you trick a little bit more and then you go back to treating maybe it's actually a metaphor for sex and dinner that i'm doing right now and i i didn't uh realize what i was doing sex and dinner sounds like you're on the host role they're trying to get off the host role. Sex and Dinner is a little more political than you want it to be, but it's a good watch. It goes there. I smell sex and dinner.

SARS guards is great in it. All the SARS guards. They're all in it. They're all in it. It's just SARS guards. That was like the last good Sundance year, I think, was when dinner and sex got in. You guys see that movie,

Stars, Guardians of the Galaxy, where it's Guardians of the Galaxy, but just with stars guards? I saw there was a documentary about their family. It was called SARS Wars. Yeah, it was a nine-parter. It was thick. Hard to come in after Stars, Guardians of the Galaxy.

I'll say that to your credit. I really fucking knocked it out of the park. First pitch. Yeah, so it's kind of like that. I went Dave Justice on that. Marcus Lemke. Let's not let it start. Jeffrey Blauser. I don't like any of it, man.

Otisserie Nixon. Basically, Otisserie, dude. Oldie Polonese. Can I do it? Olden days, golden days, Polonese. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, now Dave, with that in mind,

what will the order of today's draft be? Ah, shit. In your French accent, please. Yep. Ah, do, you don't know who the order is. Uh, I will go

first. Oh, Zach Harbour will go first. Jean Jordan's again. Zach Harper will be third. And Monsieur Carmel. It sounds like I'm getting like... It sounds like the way I laugh, my French laugh sounds like I'm indulging a fetish.

Yeah. That is the French laugh. That is the French laugh. That is the French laugh. I have the hot corner. David, you have given yourself the first pick, and we'll get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything, is brought to you by schedule 35.

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be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. Yeah, we're back. back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it if you've heard a podcast it was all fantasy everything full stop that was it not a the only one not a this is it not cine Cinephobe? They don't let anyone else do podcasts. Cinephile. Oh, us and Cinephile. Cinephobe, guys.

Cinephile is our rival. That sounds like a crime. That sounds illegal. What's Cinephobe? They are usually connected to Orange Julius's in the mall. We're right between the Pretzel Place and Orange Julius. What I feel like I hear you saying is there's two other podcasts, and that doesn't mesh with what I just said at all.

There being one other podcast. Cinephile. Cinepho. Cinepho. Cinephile is just like, oh, every movie's great. No, that's not what we do. Get them. We just did Fighting Slash Martial Arts Month,

in which we watched Roadhouse, Bloodsport, American Ninja, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze. Was that the one with the ninja rap? It is. Roadhouse has a low Rotten Tomatoes score? Yeah. It's like under 40%. That's our barrier. 40% for the audience or the critic

score. It should. And I love that movie. No, it shouldn't? Yeah, it should. What? It's a movie about a famous door guy so what what star wars is a movie about a fucking robot dad come on like damn it's tough because i feel the way about blood sport i think blood sport is amazing but it's like it's not but it to me i can't believe i can't believe you're the person on the other part of this conversation because i never saw this coming i love the movie roadhouse but it's i get it that it's not a great movie he's a famous door guy he goes to a town he he

he's like missouri he just goes and cleans up this town with martial arts like no none of these crazy criminals have a gun that they would just be like would you clean up the town with they the way they set it up one of these dudes would have just shot dalton and it would have been done you have guns don't they not that not readily accessible one dude has like a six shooter but he's in the house like it it doesn't there's no situation where someone just shotties they got everything they would just come into the double deuce and shoot him is what they would's in the house. There's no situation where someone just... They got shotties. They got everything. They would just come into the Double Deuce and shoot him is what they would do in the world of this town if they were that ruthless. I don't like this.

I don't like this part of me coming out where I'm... Yeah, this is weird. This is dark. They drove a monster truck through a car dealership. They're ruthless. Roadhouse should be 110 on Rotten Tomatoes. You're right. I redacted.

This is the only podcast is what I was getting at. David Boyd, you have the first pick. In the animals that can fuck right off, all fantasy, everything fantasy draft. Mosquitoes. Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. I don't think I'll get any backlash

from anybody. I think that we can all agree that that shit sucks. They suck on every level. They suck on like an inconvenience level where you're bummed with it around and they suck on like a global spreading malaria level yeah i hate it when you're outside having a good time knowing that you're getting eaten up like yeah like and it's like cuts into your good time i hate it when you go to camping and you're like dude i'm not gonna get any relief from this until i get home or just like at a lake or something where you're like this is about to suck for a minute.

When that's, you know, hey, you want to go outside? I don't know where the mosquitoes out yet. There's like a time of day when you're when you're like at a lake cabin that you just can't enjoy yourself outside. And the spray never seems to work the way it should. The candles never seem to work the way they should. I don't want to spray chemicals on my body just to keep mosquitoes away like i don't know the candles smell like shit the candles do smell like ass and they never it is funny because they're like yeah the smoke keeps them away and you're like i can see the one line of smoke going up into the sky from the

candle so i kind of like the way centronella candles smell really yeah i don't mind it so it's like fat joe liking the taste of aspartame right complicated it's just like it's complicated uh yeah they spread disease just fuck mosquitoes man forever and ever yeah they're ugly when i was a when i was a kid if i got bit by a mosquito it would would, like, really swell up. Like, it would be a massive, like, bump on my leg or whatever. Now, not so much. But when I was a kid, like, getting bit by a mosquito was terrible. It was like getting a chicken pox all over again.

Yeah. I remember a kid told me one time that if you caught a mosquito sucking your blood and you flexed, it would explode. Oh, yeah. And it never worked for me i was gonna say i must have let 20 mosquitoes bite me thinking i was gonna fucking blast them out of there send a message to the other mosquitoes this is what happens this is what happens when you come around here making them smoke the whole carton of cigarettes it's like yeah yeah exactly it does it never worked for me does it work i don't think so. I've never heard that until just now.

Yeah, I think it was just that older kid fucking with me. Maybe if Jason Momoa did it or something like that, but I don't think any of us are pulling it off. Also, shout out to Dune. He was good in that. It was just a neighborhood bully trying to get you to get malaria. That's all that was. Yeah, I think that's what it was.

I do think that's what it was now. The only good thing that's come from mosquitoes is the the process of Jurassic Park. That's the only thing they're good for. Yeah. That's the only thing they're good for is bringing dinosaurs back to life. That's a good point. Here's an animal that can fuck right on. Yeah.

And he's on the podcast. And he's getting big, man. I know that's what happens with animals. They get bigger when you feed them. But yeah, apparently they grow. Yeah. She's looking kids, too. Yeah. bigger when you feed them. Yeah, apparently they grow. Kids too. Not if you do it right.

You feed that daughter. Yeah, she's getting bigger, man. Attitude real big. Everything real big. Ian's holding Eddie like a child right now. And Eddie's just chilling. She's just letting it happen. Eddie, for those listening, has a half and half face and it's so cute half mom half dad half mom half dad yeah half looks like dana

did you see any of those costumes on the internet where people would like put their cat or dog in like a tarantula costume or something i love those so it just looks like the dog has like eight legs bouncing around that shit is so cute can i say the cutest one i seen on the internet was a grandma made these two little kids like two little twins the slinky dog from toy story oh yes oh that's so cute amazing i was also though like how did this get my feed i usually see butts in basketball. This is different. Butts in basketball, new podcast that I'm starting. You want to consult my explore page?

That's behind a couple paywalls. A few paywalls. You got to pay a couple times. Pay fortress right there. That's what that is. Mosquitoes. Yeah. Excellent first pick.

Fuck off mosquitoes yeah uh sean even the even the mosquito that's useful in jurassic park is fucking dead you know what i mean yeah still it's just like what are you doing sean jordan an animal that can fuck right off i'm gonna stay with blood sucking i'm gonna go with leeches oh yeah leeches can take a long walk off a short pier, man. I got no time for a leech. No, ever since I saw Stand By Me. We were looking today. Leeches are worms. I didn't know that.

I didn't know what they were, but they're a kind of worm, I guess. I'll buy that. Yeah, I didn't know that. It's a question to everybody, Marissa included. Have you ever had a leech on you? No. Except for me when I lived at the inn for a couple years. Hey, hey.

Right here. Then I had two leeches at the inn for a couple years. Hey. Hey. Right here. Then I had two leeches on me. Yeah, you did. And I loved every second of it. I have had a couple leeches on me, which is why I ask. And I find that it's a little more rare than you think. No, never. I've been in leech waters, though.

But no, thankfully, I've never gotten leeched up. Marissa? Elisa Carmel had a leech on her, she got it from canada oh yeah i don't wait sorry sorry i had just apologize for that like i was looking for it stink i took me to uh the sioux falls the great sioux falls a couple times and we went wading in the water, and I came out with, a couple times, multiple leeches on my legs, and I was flipping out, and he was like, no big deal, and he just ripped them off. And then I was like, well, I guess it's not that big of a deal,

but they're disgusting. It's not like they go deep in you, right? I don't know. I can't remember if it hurt or not, getting them taken off. I don't know. They just don't. It's so gross to me. Now, are they actually

used for some medical reasons or is that just like some robin hood logic of like well get the leeches he's sick they'll get the witch out of you for sure if you got it was a medical practice for like it was like bloodletting yeah yeah i mean bloodletting still, am I insane? Don't they still kind of do that some places? Sometimes, like if you... I think so. This is like from Grey's Anatomy, I bet. But like if you need a transfusion or something, don't they bloodlet you a little bit to make room sometimes?

Boy, that doesn't sound right. A bloodlet me drive through the neighborhood once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a different kind of bloodletting. Bloods don't let me do that. They know what time it is when I'm around. I see the shirt. I know. Yeah, man. Leeches. They can go ahead and

fuck right off. I got no practical use for leech. They don't do anything that I like. Leeches. Zach Harper. Time for your first pick. Well, I was in Australia a couple years ago. Yeah, we get it. About two and a half years ago. Sure. Not a big deal.

Got a place to stay there. It's fine. And we went to we went to a I don't know what the fuck you call it. Not a sanctuary, but maybe it's a sanctuary. It was a bar, right? That's what it's called a pub. I went to this like animal life reserve or something like that. I don't know.

And and so we go through and we check out a certain animal. I'm not going to name animals because I don't know what you guys are going to say. Check out a certain animal. They're very relaxed. They're very good and everything. It's cool. Oh, I know what you're talking about. And then we go to a pen and there's this massive pen just this big open area.

A Chris pen. Chris pen. RIP? I thought it was Sean. No, you're right sean's alive um and my nieces are with me my nieces are our children and uh they're afraid of this animal and i say there's no need to be afraid of this animal no longer than three minutes later one runs up and attacks my hand nice because it thought i had food, which I never did. Like attack my hand to the point where I had a bruise on the palm of my hand for about a week because this fucking emu just ran up and attacked me. And I had to stop it from attacking my nieces because these are evil birds that can fuck right off.

When you said this fucking emu, it did sound like someone who was upset about an Italian moving into the neighborhood. This fucking emu over here. It moved right in. What am I supposed to do? Yeah, emus can fuck off. I don't like the sound they make.

No, they're evil. They're disgusting, dirty. A friend of mine had one in high school and you'd hear it at night and it was awful you had a friend that had an emu in high school yeah jesse kendrick really i was i was gonna take ostriches and i'm sorry i think if emu's off the board ostriches they're about the same flightless birds can fuck off what the fuck are you doing right off there's two steps you're doing because you're torn in between two worlds. You can't even fly and you're a bird?

What the fuck, dude? Does anyone say emu or is it emu always? People say emu. I don't know. It's emu or emu. I think they call it a emo. Emo Phillips, dude. I featured for him once.

So did I. He's in my zone. Yeah, he's a pretty great pretty great guy yeah i got no time in my day for emus ostriches any flacassowaries they can all fuck off yeah it's harsh because they're like they're awkward you know it's not their fault but it's like you know be less awkward i'm glad the dodo's extinct and i'm i'll say that on the record you this is a record so yeah you have said it like oh we're supposed to be upset that the dodo's gone the dodo fucking had it coming all right the dodo was it like an

ostrich it was just like a big it was like a doofus it was just a fucking doofus i will i will admit i don't know what the deal is with the dodo like did they all in my head for reason, I think they all ran off a cliff, but I know that can't be right. That's lemmings, right? Yeah. But no, even the lemmings was fake because that was set up by a producer. They chased them off that cliff. That wasn't real. But I'll tell you what a dodo is, Sean.

A dodo is a flightless bird that a human saw, looked at, and said, you know what we're naming that? It's the fucking dodo. Look at this piece of shit. A dodo. That's not a name given with respect. Look at this piece of shit. Hey, Dodo. That's not a name given with respect to an animal. It is not. No, no. I don't even know what one looks like. I'm going to look it up.

No matter the language, you're calling something a Dodo, you're like, this fucking Dodo. You know what I mean? You know this boy. It looks stupid. It's got like a stupid guy face. Yeah. You're an emu. Look at a fucking emu in the eyes and tell me there's anything going on. I refuse. Yeah, that's a great pick.

Emus and goats. Last sighting of a dodo. 1662. Mm-hmm. And who saw it? Was it Craig? Because that guy's full of shit.

Yeah, Craig's lying all the time, yeah. Fucking Craig. You didn't see a dodo. I bet you you could get some good dodo meat, though. But anyways, emu. Emu. Emu flightless birds dodo meat, though. But anyways, emu.

Emu. Emu flightless birds. Fuck right off. Great pick. You guys all have an element of danger to your picks, and I put my list together mostly on vibes. I understand. I get into vibes, for sure. I understand.

Yeah. Mostly animals where I look at them, I'm'm like get the fuck out of here uh this but one this is a reputation based pick i also had a i ran afoul of one of these in my neighborhood once well i know i bet i'm just i'm picking the fucking dalmatian dalmatians can fuck are they like notoriously mean yeah dalmat they're fucking mean. And they've been made to seem like they're not, but they're mean. They're all mean. They have this whole reputation that they ride along

with like firefighters, and I don't know what that's about, but I do know... Where did that come from? I don't know. It probably happened at one point. Can they like smell smoke or something? Am I insane? Can they like... I can smell smoke. Firefighters? Wait, you guys wait you guys

can smell smoke like you can fucking catch this smoke damn yeah like dalmatians they could just i they could do nothing for me they can fuck off and like listen i love the idea of an animal having polka dots i love that i think that's adorable but have a good attitude if you're gonna be covered in polka dots i agree fucking dickhead and covered in polka dots no i agree you look you look ridiculous if you got polka dots and you're a dickhead i remember when i found out that they were mean it's such a harsh realization because you're i was so bummed out i thought there were these these nice dogs that would you know hand candy to children on halloween and ride along with the firefighters and save save you.

But they're just assholes. Where are you getting this candy thing? I just, you know, I like to think that nice things hand out candy on Halloween. So do people in vans. Like dogs? Well, they're not nice. They're not doing it in a nice way. Just like, you know, like a St. Bernard gives liquor to those people that are vacationing in the mountains.

I think that you might have that. are rescue dog you think they're bartenders you know when a saint bernard takes a snowboarder who's hella boarding too high up on the mountain when they take a little liquor like hey cut loose bud there you go have a good time i love the idea of you being on the mountain being like god i could use a drink somebody call one of those saint bernards right i just snapped someone's femur like well how about now i'll call a saint God, I could use a drink. Somebody call one of those St. Bernard's up here. Right? I just snapped someone's femur. Like, well, how about now I'll call a St. Bernard because I broke your femur.

I don't know anything about that culture. Do people drink while they ski and snowboard? It seems like it would be perilous. It's an apres ski thing. It's for after. That's why you go to the lodge, right? Yeah. Or sometimes you hit the chalet and then you say,

all right, I'll see you guys when you're done snowboarding. And then they come back to the chalet, which you've been hanging out at the whole time. Sports chalet? Fun stuff. They'll take you to the limit. Right along the razor's edge, man. Dalmatians, I'm with you.

Fuck a Dalmatian, dude. I hate them. I have an answer if we believe livescience.com for why Dalmatians are associated with firefighters. All right. Let's hear it. So this is back to when there were horse-drawn wagons for firefighters. Okay.

What a bummer that would be. We'll get there when we get there, sir. Horses are afraid of fire, and the Dalmatian was there to distract and comfort the horse as it got closer to the blaze. To distract the horse by being a bigger asshole than fire i remember this somebody in my neighborhood owned a dalmatian and they and it got loose once and i like tried to get it to bring it back and it was just a fucking prick it was just a prick that's

the only way i can describe it i just sent a bunch of anti-semitic stuff like yeah yeah yeah why were why were all the jews like why did they not go to the tower that day like stuff like that like stuff that was like easily disproved i feel like much like i've said about ranch dressing yeah we were raised in a generation that pushed dalmatians real hard on us yeah yes we don't think anybody else got it pushed on us and Anne Ranch, you're right. Oh, Ranch is us. They're doing it on us. Yeah, you're right. Cruella DeVille

is a hero. That's all I'll say just to cap this off. Okay. Cruel devil. Time for my next pick. I i'm gonna take the beluga whale okay is that the big white one yeah it's the big white one kind of a weird head you fucking doofus you don't like dumb looking animals I'm just swimming in the water all day. Yeah, exactly. That's fucking exactly.

I'll eat dinner when I want to eat dinner and I'm in the water. Blah, blah, blah. Isn't there a song about it? Yeah, Baby Beluga. Yeah, that's how I know it. Yeah, fucking beluga whales. They look like a big white dick. Fuck them. How much of this is because they. Fucking beluga whales. They look like a big white dick. Fuck them.

How much of this is because they're called beluga whales? It sounds almost like buffoon whale or something. Ian likes baloo. And are you mad that they've sullied the name baloo and thrown a go whale on it? I never made that connection until now. I don't think anyone else does except for you. I think those are two separate entities. I call them water baloos. Water balo call them water balloons okay well now i'm upset but uh

yeah but i just i just think they're stupid they had them at like the zoo the point the zoo outside of seattle they had like beluga whales and i would go see them and i'd be like fucking idiots they just look like fucking dummies that's not really smart someone can be like, you fucking idiots. They just look like fucking dummies. And I'm probably really smart. Someone can be like, actually, they're very intelligent. No, they're not. If they're intelligent, they're as intelligent as the dumbest person you've met. They're just swimming. Yeah.

They just look wrong. They look like they're built uncomfortably. Something about that marine mammal skin just looks weird when it's that white like they look like they look like their favorite book is the 48 laws of power yeah exactly they just look neoprene they don't look finished they look like they're still they should they're primed and they're ready they're underwater and they're that color but i don't know i know you know yeah why why i guess it's so they can blend in with snow or whatever but i just either way they look like that Emperor in Dune. Sorry, I watched it twice. I really liked it.

Really? Yeah, I did. That's not even up my alley either. That's not even my type of shit. You're not a big fantasy guy. I'm not a big whimsy, flights of fantasy. You like the Ludacris song, though. Yeah, well, yeah. But that's because I could do it in the Georgia Dome

with a Dirty Bird kick. I can't talk. With a Dirty Bird kick for three? Do it in the Georgia Dome on the 50-yard line with a Dirty Bird kick. Now, what would have happened if they had gotten a touchdown? Like, what's he doing at the 50-yard line? Oh, you think he's fucking during a game on the 50-yard line?

While they go for a field goal. Yes, that's what he said. Oh, that's true, yeah. I assumed it was like on a... I thought he said where. I assumed it was in a box. Oh, I thought it was on the field. Everyone's distracted to see if they're going to ice the kicker.

For reference, not during a game, but we can get in because I'm ludicrous. This is where they would kick, but we are on the field after hours. It's either while or where. So we have to determine that. All right. Hold on. I'm looking into it myself.

I just thought it was where. Well, that's what we're going to find out. Oh, okay. I thought it was wild. I thought it was wild as well. Well, the dirty birds kick. Yeah. Now we sound like a bunch of beluga whales.

That would be wild because that he means in an active game, which is buck. That is sad. That couldn't happen. Wow. It's wow the dirty birds kick for for tree the three okay that's see see we all learned something well two of us learned something yeah david and i knew i always knew that i did not know that that's good because you it's really hard to kick a field goal from the 50 yard line that's far away it's too far yeah yeah yeah so that's the thing is they won't be there because then it's like a 65 yard field goal essentially only adam vinatieri of sioux falls south dakota could do that and january jones january jones couldn't do that she's still from south dakota but she could not kick a 65 yard field goal

that's sexist sorry beluga whales i can't anyways fucking boat anyway i'm just i don't even want like i don't even want to talk about them anymore i don't want to give them the airspace bill dotry of the ocean i get it exactly this big shit like fuck it they're all they look like you know they look like when you take darth vader's helmet off yeah robot dad that's what they are yeah look at all this water isn't it fine man there's so much of it water everywhere and it's free i'll stay in the sea all right keep it in the sea i see you i don't want to go i like we we've been to the beach before together right yeah i'd like to go out into the into. Didn't we go to Long Beach that one time?

We went to Manhattan. We went somewhere real far. I know that. I know we went somewhere real far. Like just, was it just me and you? No, it was everybody, right? No, it was everybody, yeah. Manhattan Beach?

Yeah. Was that where? Okay. Yeah, it was that. Was Sharpie throwing the baseball around being Captain America that time? I don't think Sharpie was there when I was there. No.

I'm thinking of her. Yeah. Right by the pier, anyways. Yeah, it was right by the pier. But I don't want to worry that a friend of mine is going to have to pee on me because a jellyfish stung me as I traipse through the water. So jellyfish can fuck right off. I know they look cool. They probably have a purpose.

I don't like them. I don't like the threat of them. I can't imagine they do have a purpose. The fuck are they doing? That's one of the know they look cool. They probably have a purpose. I don't like them. I don't like the threat of them. I can't imagine they do have a purpose. The fuck are they doing? That's one of the things they don't. I'm sure a marine biologist would, they like, they keep whatever clean. What are they? The nightlight of the ocean? Grow up.

Go to sleep in the dark. Marine biologists are incredibly self-serving. We have to know that. Of course, they're going to say the jellyfish have a reason. I'll say it. You're a prick if you're a marine biologist. When I was at Best Buy telling people they needed a credit card protection plan, you know what I mean? Of course I said that.

I'm not trusting what a marine biologist says about jellyfish. I guess you want your identity stolen. Fine. I'm going to do it. Take every Seinfeld DVD and get your identity stolen afterwards. That's fine. I have been stung by a jellyfish, and that shit sucks.

Did somebody pee on you? Oh, was it really bad? You have a vinegar does it, too. So anything that's like basic or acidic, whatever vinegar is. Did they give you like a little thing to pour on you in case you get stung? You're out diving, I assume, right? It was scuba diving. Yeah, yeah yeah so they keep

like a little vinegar spray on the boat like so it penetrated through the suit through the i wasn't wearing a wetsuit i was i was i was free i was free flowing out there in a in flow rider scuba diving okay okay okay or in the sometimes wearing a puss in boots costume did it hurt bad does it hurt real bad? When I fell into heaven? No. Ian wears a scuba suit with biker shorts and short sleeves. It's like a pretty, it's a fun scuba suit.

Yeah, I wear a dooba suit. It's like a biking outfit. It does hurt. It stings really bad. Is it like, are you like a mobile? Like, could you walk? Oh, yeah, I could walk. Okay.

There's ones that'll kill you, though, like a Portuguese man o' war. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that name either. No. Yeah. I don't like the Portuguese part of it.

Nope. Is it like getting a rat tail with a towel, like one of those? If someone snapped you with a towel, would it feel like that? It's a more burn-y feeling. Okay. It's a consistent burn sort of thing. God, I haven't got a rat tail in since high school football yeah every now and again when i'm doing laundry i'll just give one

of the to the washer just because i guess it's there and i'm like i want to make sure i don't lose that skill you know you got you have to know you still got it yeah it's fun too every time and is it now am i crazy is it is it a sonic boom when a towel snaps like it's breaking the sound barrier like a whip does? Is that or is that not? No. It's not? No, no, no. I think that's just something kids say.

Well, I know. Isn't a whip, isn't that like what breaks a sound barrier and that's the crack of a whip? I've heard that, but I haven't heard that from anyone. Yeah, I haven't heard it outside of a bar. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. I haven't heard that from anyone who hadn. Yeah, you're right. I haven't heard that from anyone who hadn't had a Montauki cold stick.

That was just between shepherd's pie bites from Mike Malloy. You know it's a sonic boom. Yeah, you know it's a sonic boom. Just shoving mashed potatoes in his mouth at a bar. Mike, there's people smoking out here. Oh, because it makes it taste better.

It's cold in here. I've got to put my hood up. Yeah, jellyfish people smoking out here. Oh, because it makes it taste better. It's cold in here. I got to put my hood up. Yeah, jellyfish. That's an amazing call. Jellyfish fuck right off. Yeah. Sean, time for your second pick. I'm going to take it to the land.

And I'm going to take it to an animal that is more of a Midwest thing. And I hate them because of the Midwest because they're like landmines. And they just sit in the road and they total your car. I'm picking deer. I hate deer. And they can fuck right up. Oh, really? Wow.

They do fuck cars up. And I told her I wasn't going to take it because she loves deer. But I just... I'm sure she can hear me right now. My mom hit a deer and fucked her car up. I've hit one. And they just stand there in the middle of the road, and I understand. It's like.

They don't know what a road is, but it's just like, get the fuck out of the road. If you live in rural places, too, like when we were out in Elizabeth, you'd be on the dirt road, and you'd just be flying because you're on the dirt road, there's no cops out there, and you'd come around a corner, and yeah, it would just be like six of them. There's like 10, if you go, like if you're driving through nebraska south dakota wherever like at dusk and you go you're on the freeway and you go under a bridge you know how the bridges cross and then there's like the the merging the little triangle of grass where there's like you merge or whatever there'd be like 30 just sitting there and you're like all of you are ready

to just get wander into the highway you are ready to just again wander into the highway you're all just ready to wander into the highway for no reason where there's no grass and get hit by a car and it's unfortunate here's my one counter stereotype is true too deer and headlights they just they just stare at you i didn't grow up in the midwest we do have them on the on the west coast too maybe not as many yeah here's my one counter they're fucking hot dude oh they are hot yeah i've never fucking hot dude i think it's the ears i think it's because i'm jaded from seeing so many but i saw them in just all the time when i was growing up so it doesn't get me psyched when i see a deer like anyone else like oh there's

some deer get your car away but you can't take a moment look at and be like that's a hot animal i don't think so you don't think like a but but like a deer with like a fucking amazing rack of antlers and like they've got eyelashes and shit that's how they that's where that rack came from you know that's just a deer with big tits dude just like big beautiful and you feel like a drawing of it on the internet like i haven't seen one in real life but i'd like to like man look at this hot deer i found a cartoon of that i yeah that i definitely only looked at a couple times yeah i can respect i can respect a big buck for sure but but i don't like it.

You're out of context right there. I get respect. You sound like a cuck. Well, if anyone had to do it, I'm glad he did it. She's happy. That's all I care about. Oh, man.

Oy vey. Dear, I knew it was going to be tough. That's probably my toughest pick. Yeah, I can't get on board on this one with you. I didn't expect anyone to get on board. It's your list. You know what I mean? It's one with you but i didn't expect anyone to get on board it's it's your list you know what i mean it's your list i honestly didn't expect anyone to get on board and um i i was i was gonna stay away from that until i like it i like it when you when you reveal more of your super by vibe that's a vibe for me i just i i

can't i don't like a deer see it's vibe the other way i get the practicality of it but the vibe of a deer is very like majestic to me i don't know i bet you there's an animal that comes up that i would rather see than a deer i bet you this animal comes up at some point i'd rather see them in it in instead of a deer i'll tell you when it comes up if it comes up it'll come up i'll see you when you get there if you ever get there yeah i'll get there to that pergola and then straight to the er shall be there yeah that's true that's true that's true uh dear david time for your second and third picks do you have his uh second pick i'm taking hyenas oh really yeah that's a great i understand yeah i was torn on that look at them have you ever have you ever like when was the last time you saw one like there's some pictures of hyenas on the internet where they look like

they're from hell dude they eat bones goon squad they chew up and eat bones and they do this like kamikaze attack that's really scary no they're fucking really they're really terrifying and gross and i don't i don't know hyenas that will sacrifice themselves by the lion's mouth just so the other pack the rest of the pack can get in there and kill the lion like that's how fucked up hyenas i mean that makes me like them a little bit that's like a that's you know that's pretty fuck so you're saying just watch a youtube of them walking around dog they are nasty yeah they're like they're weirdly hunchbacked yeah they've got chain wallets like yeah they've got like poor posture it's just like you just see

them stop you're oh it's like if they're out hunting defend hyenas you know what i mean like they're fucking gross looking but just so i'm clear if they're out hunting like sometimes there's a hyena that will go be food for the lion so the lion is distracted like hey i'm gonna attack first so the rest of them can come so they're like the front line i don't think it's like he's trying to get eaten well but they're the first off the boat like in in saving private ryan right where they're like i want to fight but i know what's what's going to happen probably yeah damn that's buck i'm in a moment of silence for all of our fallen hyenas. Yeah, I mean, they're just sorry. I'm looking at pictures of them and remembering that, yeah, I hate it.

I hate it. I hate it. Do you think you'd like them better if they were called yeens? No. No? No. It's purely physical. That is a good question.

It's purely physical. Because last time I went to the zoo, like, you know, two months ago or whatever. Shout out to the Denver Zoo, by the way. They listen. Do they? Yeah, yeah. Oh, shout out to the Denver Zoo. They hooked it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to the Denver Zoo, by the way. They listen. Do they? Yeah, yeah. Oh, shout out to the Denver Zoo. They hooked it up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to the Madison Zoo. Somebody hit me up and said they could give us a private tour of the Madison Zoo if we're ever through. Shout out to zoos, dude. I love the zoo. We need to go on a zoo tour. We need to go on a zoo tour and do some podcasts in the interim, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I get it. But we're not zooing. Sorry. You said interim, dude. Yeah, that was nice. Did I say it wrong? No, no, no. interim dude that's two strips of bacon on this smart burger dave interim dave interim but yeah hyenas i mean hyenas hyenas i mean the lion king tried to tell us there was a weird racial coding thing there but like it was a big awful that's kind of the worst part of that fucking movie to be honest yeah yeah uh at least mufasa is also black

yeah yeah and scar is jeremy irons who couldn't be a whiter dude that's true yeah that would not be a whiter dude but he's gay-coded. So that... Multiple problems with that movie. They did try to tell us the haters were fucked up. Time for your third pick. Ooh, I am going to take... Now it's getting to, like... I feel like I gotta go to the ocean or to the water sure go to the water right i haven't i haven't been on the water yet cleanse

yourself i'm taking saltwater crocodiles oh yeah yeah i was gonna take those are the ones that eat people the most they're just you look at them they're so scary they feel weirdly like they have better use of their limbs than other crocodiles yeah which freaks me out you ever see like footage or a picture of them swimming in the ocean and you're like what yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like you didn't even know they could do that what are you doing you didn't know somebody could jump high what are you fucking doing here it's like it's like if you were like on vacation in france and like you're you saw your enemy from la there and you're like what the fuck why the joke like that why are you also at the ark day triumph is that a place yeah yeah it's on fire today dude

he's on fire uh they're also huge i just yeah yeah and they're gnarly like there's no getting out of it there's no getting out of it if they get their if they get their jaws around you there's not there's nothing you can do no it's not i know it's not a saltwater crocodile but we there was a viral video recently of something similar getting caught in a trash can so they're not the irish don't like to be called that anymore is that that wasn't a saltwater crocodile that was no it wasn't it wasn't a saltwater crocodile it was an alligator we can say what it was similar similar enough right offensive saltwater crocodile crocodiles though like you said if you watch the videos just just of them swimming it's like you're not even supposed to be in here like yes

yeah i don't know what's supposed to be here yeah it's like watching a body it's like watching a bodybuilder do those box jumps right you're like why why are you being able to do that yeah it doesn't make any sense you can do that yeah there's zion williamson you know what i mean no offense to zion williamson but there's zion williamson that wants to kill you i'm like you shouldn't be able to do what you do at that size what is going on yeah yeah it's rude and saltwater is like it's too much space for them to maneuver like for some reason in rivers i feel like i'm like more like ah okay but when they're just out in the ocean you're like yeah that's where sharks are it's covered and you're there too well that but you have to to be fair like there's a lot of taffy to guard right in the saltwater That's where sharks are. It's covered. And you're there too?

But you have to, to be fair, there's a lot of taffy to guard, right? In the salt water. There he goes. You can't just be letting people have it. That's a good point. I feel foolish. I don't feel like I'm as on fire as Sean is.

I feel like this is a stroke. I like taffy. That taffy was great. You know what what i'm gonna do now harper yourself is i'm gonna tell maxine until until i'm old enough to pull that's his daughter going that uh that saltwater crocodiles are there to guard the saltwater taffy and i'm gonna have her take that to school as some knowledge and yes it's going to make her look foolish but i don't care it's going to be a long bit that I'm going to do with my daughter. I'm going to see if I can get the family to play.

She's going to be seven and they're laughing at me and you're like, gotcha. And I'll be like, they're wrong. I'm going to keep carrying it until she's like 18. I'll be like, everybody is out to get you. I used to have a joke about that where I was like, not going to tell my kid that giraffes were fake. You should do that. You should take that. I used to say a joke about that where I was like, not going to tell my, my, tell my kid that giraffes were fake.

Yeah. You should do that. You should take that. I had a, I used to say I was going to, if I had a kid, I wasn't going to teach him how to ride a bike until they were 18 and then be like, everybody rides a bike to their first day of school when they're 18 or whatever event they have to do.

And this is when everybody learns how to do it. And then see how it goes. How long are you going to give Maxine baths? How long? It's Sean. How long do we, she's Maxine baths? How long? It's Sean. How long do we... Yeah, she's going to take baths until... I don't know, until somebody tells her...

No, that's what I meant. Are you going to keep that tradition? I mean, what do you mean? We have to give her... We can't give her a shower. She's five months old. Yeah, no, I know. But I'm saying...

Maxine, you stand in the shower. As she gets older, are you going to keep her in the bath in the morning, or are you going to transition her to shower? Shower. I was weird. That was weird. That's weird, so I don't want that. I know it was weird to go to high school and be like,

how was your morning bath, James? My morning bath was splendid today. I think it'll be another great day at high school. Now watch me do the splits. Now, James, did you also dry off with your clothing instead of using a towel? Because what they do, what big towel doesn't tell you is that these are towels.

Also, these will absorb water just like towels. There's a lot I don't tell people. Just the jeans part of that is still so confusing to me. You would just be like, I need to sop up all this water with these 501s. And david pointed out i wasn't a virgin for most of this so that's another wild that's even more confusing god it's just a

mystery you got your you got your dick wet while your clothes were wet that's that's not that's hard to do that's it was an easy transition he was used to it no she'll be taking a shower as soon as i hear other kids are taking showers from other parents. I'll be like, cool. How do kids start taking showers? I feel like I was showering. I think like five or six. I know my nephew takes showers. He's like six. I think that's young.

I came out showering, dude. I know I was showering the whole time I was going to school. I straight up took baths. Straight up into like sophomore year. What was your first shower experience were you like what a revelation this sucks like yeah it's coming from the top i don't know i thought it was like fire coming out she had to force me in there like with a with a fire like with a fireplace poker.

Like, get in the shower. Bathtub's broken. Bathtub's broken, but the shower works. I don't know. I wish I would have known how weird it was because then I would have remembered my first shower experience. No, it's charming. It's not like it hurt you.

It's not like it arrested your development. It turned me into me. I like me. So whatever. No. For all you know, there might be a sliding doors presentation where like you never meet any of us. If you have been taking showers your whole life. Oh, yeah.

It might be it. I trust me. I turned 40 the other day and all I thought about was all the good and bad stuff that's happened to brought me where I'm at. I wouldn't change a thing in my life because who knows what if you change something mr destiny bro okay i know that homicide yeah if you change something who knows what happens butterfly effect great fucking butterfly effect well you've taken now you take showers and it's also time for you to take your third pick

rats i have a long-standing beef for the last couple years i don't know how that didn't go first i forgot i was leaving that one for you that is i forgot that i murdered a rat for the last couple years i don't know how that didn't go first i forgot i was leaving that one for you that is i forgot that i murdered a rat but yeah i uh yeah the father of my child had to be killed i had to do it i apologize yeah that rat man i will tell you firsthand they don't do anything to further society all they do is chew holes cause ruckus raise cane poop dodge traps maybe have an affair with your wife maybe not also rat kings not a fan i'm with you yeah man they're a bummer like i i root for them i kind of have this thing where i'm like look at you guys you're making it it's not their fault and it's tough because it's not their fault but their tails are so gross they can fuck off

man i remember in la a few of those shows being out and there'd just be a gigantic rat in the parking lot i'm like hey i'd see him in san francisco those secret ones that didn't want you to be seen like you know what i mean like running behind a garbage can where you're like was that a little dog no that's that's a rat, bruh. This is probably the only animal on the list so far that any of us have taken the life of. This is harsh

for me too because I don't like you to force my hand. I did not want that rat to die. I guess mosquitoes we've all killed. Never mind. I did not want that rat to die. And I felt bad. I almost cried when I saw its dead body. I seriously, and I came in, I had to tell Laura,

I was like, rat's dead. You gotta go do something about it. Because I couldn't touch it. What? I was almost crying. I came in, I was like, we got the rat, and I need you to go get it. You made your fucking fiance get rid of the rat body? Was she pregnant at the time?

Maybe. Probably. I didn't make it i would have but i was like she's just better with that stuff she's dead bodies it's just she's just a little more calculated and this is real than i this is what you get this is what you get in uh reciprocation for respecting big bucks i get it i like big bucks and I cannot lie. It was right there. It was right there. It wasn't the best joke,

but it was right there. Yeah, I didn't like doing it, man. I spent probably $100 on different kinds of traps to keep the rat alive and it kept dodging the traps and then it made me respect it more. We had that trail cam

that we set up behind our stove and it just came and looked out and I swear to God, it looked into the trail cam, looked into the behind our stove and it just came and looked out and it swear to god it looked into the trail cam looked into the trap and then went back into the wall it's like it was so smart i didn't want to kill something like that but they're not dumb yeah anyway the rat the eathen hunt of rats like just yeah mission impossible in that thing just flip me off real quick and went back in the wall i'm going back up to your room dork rats dude rats rats david or zach time for your third pick this is gonna be uh probably controversial but um i don't like them i don't like them they can fuck right off owls i don't

like them they creep me out your mind my friend they creep me out they scare me do you feel challenged i feel challenged? I feel challenged. I feel threatened. I get that. That's what it is. I don't like they can turn their heads so much. Owls.

They only hunt at night. Yeah, they do. I don't like that. I don't like anything that stays up past me. There's a lot of things I don't like about owls. You don't like anything that stays up past you. You don't like owls or the weekend. It sounds like they have a lot of the similar traits.

Yeah, the Canadian, right? Yeah, they only hunt at night. They all hopped up on cocaine. Tried to fuck my girlfriend. The weekend's head turns all the way around. You don't even know. See, I like owls, but I totally understand. I get this because an owl doesn't like you.

They'll try to kill a dog. They'll try to snatch a dog. I didn't know that. That's a really good point that the owl doesn't like you. I've never thought about that. They got no time in their day for you, dude. Owls aren't affectionate animals. I mean, no animals like you, right?

Like, like, like you. My cats like me. The ones that we subjugated but the rest of them right they don't eddie and beetlejuice like ian that's what i'm saying like domesticated animals like you but let's say domesticated not subjugate because like if you look at what's happening in this house those aren't those aren't subjugated animals these are these are subjugated people my friend i'm scooping up their poop who's who's walking who yeah who's watching the watch i had to pick out betty and birdie's poops from the litter box and put them in a vial and go pay a doctor to look

at them it's like yeah i'm the one doing the work no they kind of won that yeah they won that yeah they don't even have jobs no they don't their job is to shit and eat the stuff that i buy at least at least beetlejuice is involved in the world of high finance. Eddie's not doing anything. Yeah, he's a crypto guy, right? Yeah, he's a big crypto guy. I heard that. Shiba Inu to the moon.

Lost me a lot of money, okay? Beetlejuice? Yeah. Beetlejuice or Eddie? A lot of money. Beetlejuice. He made money on it. I told you not to get involved, but he took you out to Dantana's,

and I was like, all right, put the games afoot. That's where he goes to close. He does. He was running a per amid scheme. Okay. Now he's back. Now he's back. You were worried about not being on.

Yeah, that coffee kicked in. He's back into it. A per amid scheme. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Here's a visual one for you, Harper. I don't know if you're privy to this look at how long my arm looks when i do this look at how long let's do the two because otherwise it kind of looks like an adolf thing but yeah this is i don't get it oh yeah look at that perspective my arm doesn't look crazy long. That's awesome.

This is good for an audio media. Absolutely. You look like Seanus Antetokounmpo. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. There you go. I will let that one slide. Ooh, baby.

We're all cooking, dude. We're all cooking. Fucking run TMC right now. I love it. Yeah, that's all I got to say about owls. Fuck them. Fuck right off. Owls. Yeah, no, I get it. I like them. I don't like them. I love it. Yeah, that's all I got to say about owls. Fuck them. Fuck right off. Owls.

Yeah, no, I get it. I like them. I get it. I don't like them. I get it. So when you watch Harry Potter, that's just like you get pissed, dude. I've seen almost one of them. Almost one of the Harry Potters.

That's a great. I can see that being the case for you. Yeah, I don't like the British and I don't like magic. So it's a tough sell for me. Who you telling, big big dog i get that i don't fucks with magic either time for me to make my third and my fourth picks it's a lot of animals that i just don't have time for on the board still okay okay so i don't know this one might be controversial too i think penguins can fuck right off

yeah wow something about is it weird that in my head i knew that penguins were gonna come up today no i don't think so i i would have i would have never guessed honestly never i kind of felt i kind of felt it i don't know why i had an idea and maybe i thought it was gonna come from ian but i i i was like we're gonna talk about penguins today i don't i don't like them i don't try i don't i don't like a penguin i don't know what it is i see a penguin and i'm just like too formal for you maybe a little too formal they're a little too ungane like i know they fly through the water and it's beautiful but like i'm talking mostly about penguins on land they're ungainly they're a flightless bird which we brought up i don't like that shit yeah i just

don't like i just i'm just a penguin chick i love that's a cute animal but a full-grown penguin they stink like fish i don't like them girl penguins i was like what's what i got time of my day for a penguin chick let me tell you uh no like a little baby penguin but like yeah an adult penguin i don't i don't know i don't like an emperor specifically can i make it let me make this specific sure an m an adult emperor penguin are they like the four foot ones yeah they're like the four foot one i it's just too much torso for me their torso they're all but like five inches is torso that animal is all torso and i just don't i just i like those little penguins with like the haircuts you know what i mean like

the wow i wear like the surfing movie like those are tight i like those those look more like a bird like i feel like an emperor penguin would kill you i don't like emperor in the title of anything really right really presumptuous what about chinese food restaurants no dragon golden sure all that stuff but dynasty i'm serious all the ones i'm thinking of in sioux falls have dragon golden and dynasty in them in some like weird order. There's one by my house called Healthy Asian Garden, which is not a good name. That's not the Chinese food I want.

It's good Chinese food, but it's a very bad name. Not what I'm looking for. I'd rather it say, you're going to feel like shit after this dynasty. That's what I want. I want it to be called Retaining Water Kingdom or something like that that's what i'm gonna be doing it could be yeah just like orange chicken dynasty and i'm like cool let me uh let me have some orange chicken please uh penguins dude i don't know this just something about an emperor penguin how much torso it is it feels wrong yeah don't they have scary teeth situation too yeah they got weird teeth they stink i don't care that they're good parents now what about what if it slides down some ice are you in on that

i love watching them slide into the water i'm charmed but i don't think you're gonna see a lot of emperor penguins doing that that's a fair i like watching them come out of the water too because they like kind of like zoom up yeah yeah if you guys that's fun robert buscemi funny comedian good dude lives in la he had a joke where and it's just a good point is why i bring it up that he goes if you've ever looked at a penguin you wonder what's in the penguin he's like i always wanted it to just be more penguin like an eraser all the way through because it's true because you don't think of it as like them having organ but they got a stomach and shit but when you look at a penguin you're like it's just penguin all the way through to the other side and that's hilarious it was a very good

point because i was like man that is a good you know one of those jokes where like that is a good point and you just appreciate it yeah that's what i think about when i think about penguins all the time that's a robert buchemy he's funny man yeah robert buchemy rules time for my fourth pick and this is a this is a way a war i've been waging my whole life this one's less vibes because actually vibe wise i really like and respect this animal vibe wise i really like and respect this animal but having grown up in in in places that were plagued by this animal which is mostly the whole earth but ants i'm taking ants oh yeah yeah fuck off man just leave me alone leave me alone in my picnic leave me alone like at my house right now i've mostly conquered the ant problem we'll see what the winter brings

but i've mostly conquered it i have i've probably killed millions of ants in my life by the way but like just through poison alone but like you have to there's a thousand there's probably a thousand in our under a sink right now my my yard has a persimmon tree an orange tree there's lemons there's earth go eat that there's plenty of food outside why the fuck are you coming in here and eating my food and getting on my shit and like you know what i mean like bumming my girlfriend out eat my cat's food your fiance my fiance my fiance they eat your they eat your cat's food they eat my cat's food and like eddie doesn't care eddie would eat an on-fire pile of like you know what i mean like anything like but beetlejuice is a finicky little prince and when he sees little ants crawling around his food he comes and looks at us with these eyes are you serious pleading yeah

he won't do it ed Eddie would eat an anthill. If I put Eddie next to an anthill, she would eat the anthill. But Beetlejuice is like a little, he's a little downfall. He's a little sweet little boy. Oh, that's tight. And he won't eat food that has ants on it.

No, answer. So here's something I don't remember. I've eaten food that has ants on it. I've eaten food that has ants. I've eaten ants. That's what I was gonna, I don't remember this, but my mom says when I was young, young, like four, i would go lay on my back in the park and let ants crawl

on me and i would eat them in front of all the other kids she tells me that to like for shock value i guess which did she like catch you doing this a few times she let me do it she didn't care i guess she was she's like she said she thought it was funny i just think you should have a book i think you should have a book about just your life eating ants see instead of ass you know it's funny it's ants i ate ants i got you i got you all right you guys got it yeah i got it all right that's good eating ants that's great and again i respect the whole ant hustle i I think it's amazing. The vibe-wise, I think they're great. They're like,

they're about that shit. I don't like how strong they are. I'm uncomfortable. Of course. Yeah, but you have to respect it. And a number of ants could power you, like if they could communicate to other colonies, they could take you out.

Oh, and a collection of ants that were the size of you, it's over. Oh, whoa. No way. If they just made a giant Harper, like all the ants Voltron and a giant Harper. It's a wrap

because together they're so much stronger than you. And they just show up to Thanksgiving instead of you. Where's Zach? They're just like, where's Zach? I wouldn't ask that question again.

No, let's keep going. I'm right here. Or it would sound more like blah, blah, blah. No, let's keep going. I'm right here. Or I sound more like... Yeah, I can't talk. They're like trying to figure out how to make vocal cords work. Yeah. What do you think that sounds like? Kind of sounds like a beluga whale that smokes, you know?

Ants, dude. That's my fourth pick pick harper time for your fourth pick all right another controversial pick i'm sure but one attacked me at a fountain in versailles get out of here i'm sorry you can't take dutch people look they're animals to me ian all right the dutch they do invent yeah insurance attack me for no reason so swans swans swans can't fuck off yeah i got chased when i was a kid all right no they're they're eating because they're bigger like i I don't like birds. Same. Birds would take over the earth if they were our size. They just would.

They should take over the earth. They're dumb. They can't. They're fucking dumb. Right. Yeah, exactly. That's the only thing saving us from birds, but they're all evil in my opinion. I don't like birds.

Except pigeons. Shout out to pigeons. Maybe. We'll see. But swans can fuck right off. I don't like them. I don't respect them. They're aggressive. They're super aggressive. They just suck.

I feel like this brings large waterfowl into play as a conversation. Nobody's going to take any other large waterfowl, are you? I'm not. I actually was, but it's definitely going to fall into the similar vein, yeah. Let's let you talk about it right now because I know what you're gonna take marissa oh i'm picking canada geese they are assholes yeah yeah yeah those are canadians without jobs right yeah

they give canadians a bad name i hate them i've been saying that for years geese are fucking pricks are terrible just so mean yeah ruin the bike trails in sioux falls there's there's a part it's like the jets and it's just like they're a gang on the part of the bike trail you have to go around them you just have to it's a mean-spirited animal yeah they're a bummer they just feel like the stressed out stepdads of nature just rude and mean and like territorial in a way that doesn't make sense i'm not even near you dog you're not that close to him but they're just like get off me yeah sorry bro it's like they're like the people who'd come out and yell at you for skateboarding geese yeah i feel like yes there's so many empty seats why do you have to sit in my row you're like it's a movie theater

i can sit where i want yeah when i was a kid i would walk back home from school and i would have to cross a path that was like near a pond by my house and I'd often had to cross paths with geese and I guess my path was like close to a nest so on my way home walking back from school I would just get bullied by geese they would like chase me off the path because I guess I was too close to a nest they're assholes and yeah I was feeding them and I guess I didn't feed them fast enough and so one came over and bit my hand and i was like you're a jerk i'm trying to help you right here and yeah yeah i'm here for you yeah exactly as you're feeding i was i was in versailles not feeding them yeah i was in versailles just enjoying a lovely afternoon in the beautiful you know back

fountain area or whatever it was called. Sounds like you're lying about being in Versailles. No, no. Here's the thing is we went there on a day. It was closed, so we could only go to the back. We didn't know it was closed, so we couldn't go inside. What if Ian was gumming cocaine right now? Yeah, real casually.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Louis XV, Louis XVI. Yeah, Marie Antoinette. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You louis the 15th louis the 16th yeah maria twinnett absolutely yeah yeah yeah you think we can sell some of that gold sophia coppola dude sophia coppola is a fucking hell of a director she's a hell of a director sophia coppola have you ever seen any of your pictures she's made lost in translation i want to go to tokyo dude i'll go to tokyo send me to tokyo right now bill murray what do you think of whispering to her ear i hate when people whisper because you can hear them talking but they're just right off there that's right off there you can make out some of the

words dude that's fucking obnoxious dude that's fucking obnoxious i think i might open a sandwich card i'm thinking of leaving comedy behind dude taking some of this comedy money taking some of this comedy money and putting in the sandwich cards dude because comedy's over dude comedy's over you can't say anything anymore but sandwiches sandwiches are only going to get bigger dude you can't cancel a sandwich i saw somebody try to cancel a sandwich they brought it out anyway you know what i mean they brought it out anyway this You know what I mean? They brought it out anyway. They said, is there anyone with us? Ruben, dude. Ruben stuttered. Should have won that season of fucking American Idol, dude.

He should have won that season of American Idol. He was the best singer. Or did he win the season of American Idol? I forget. It was him and it was that dude who wanted to be in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I bought a coat, dude. Burlington Coat Factory used to have all the big and tall sizes. You can get them there, dude. You can get them there. It's not cocaine, dude. It's fucking lip balm fucking lip balm man that was good that's what it's like

doing a show on the east side in los angeles yeah that was great we haven't had one of those in a while that was like the apple butter i'm good oh oh no i thought you meant you never mind that was great yeah we haven't had a cocaine in a while it's been hours since Sean's had cocaine it's been a while we did we did a live action 12 days of Christmas on my on the late late show James Corden

and the swans and the geese were next to each other and they tensions were high the geese and the swans were like swinging their necks. That's how they fight. They swing their necks. Like giraffes. Have you ever YouTube a giraffe fight

and just listen to it? It sounds so buck. Oh, they hit each other so hard. It sounds like a one-on-one versus the Lopez brothers. That's what it sounds like. Talking hoops. As is his namesake. That's what it sounds like. There it is. Basketball. Talking hoops. Talking hoops. As is his namesake.

Sirius XM NBA radio. Sean Jordan, come to your fourth pick. None of you are going to like this. Wait, Zwan, by the way, doesn't need to fuck off.

They have that one song. Shout out to Zwan. Sean, go ahead. I'm going to the sea. I haven't been in the sea yet. I'm taking shrimp. I hate shrimp.

What? I hate them. What? Hate them. You can fuck right off. They look, they're disgusting. They look like bugs. They're the worst. I hate shrimp. I didn't think it was going to be

widely accepted. This is a shrimp crew. So, I'll just keep talking into the void they stink at no no amount of just clean my computer i'm sorry no amount of hot sauce can help the cocktail sauce can get bent they even when they're cooked they look gross to me they look like they're expired and i'm just not a fan they look. They just look like the bugs of the water. Now, Marissa, air horns until someone else talks, please.

Okay, I don't want you to pass out. Thank you. David, it's time for your fourth pick and your final pick, because it is a serpentine wreck. I don't want to address it either. You don't have to. I didn't think anybody would want to.

It's my list. After everything they've fucking given us. That's it. Iodine poisoning, they suck. I'm not going to comment on it. Don't then. Iodine poisoning. They suck. Not going to comment on it. Don't. That was a comment. Don't.

Leave it hanging. My fourth pick. I've always thought these things were gross, but I also just recently found out about sky burials. It scared me even more. I'm taking buzzards. Oh, I had that on my list yeah that's a great one that's a great one whenever you see them too i've seen them in real life a few times and just like you're just like oh whatever it's like you ever you ever been to a party when like

the bad guys show up and you're like oh no what are they here? That's how I feel about buzzards. They look like how the Germans drew Jews. And they look like that in real life. Oh, my God. I know exactly what you mean, though. Awful animal. Like if a German they're like that's that's what's oh that was one of the funnier things i've ever heard in my life i hate i hate yeah every time i see them i'm just like you like you feel like i'm

fucked up that i'm around you like i'm at the wrong place yeah because it's not a good sign that they're around you no it's never like i don't know if i've ever seen a buzzard uh maybe i've seen him i've seen him at a distance and i don't like what's a sky burial yeah i yeah also great follow-up question yeah that is i i forgot gotta google it man seriously oh really yeah everybody take a second it's good for the world and the earth but the pictures are gnarly oh on a mountaintop yeah but then do you see any of the images oh boy oh oh my god oh my god that's a that's a that's a human is that a human? Is that a human? The first Google image if you type sky burial is, is that a person? That's real.

Yeah. Holy fucking crap. I guess it's illegal in the States. That looks like it's out of. Of course it is. That looks like somebody dumped acid on a, like what I think would happen if you dumped acid on a person is what that looks like.

But it's also just what happened. Holy crap. That happens in a grave, my my friend you don't have to see that normally that's i didn't think if you're driving don't google that don't hey by the way if you're driving don't google anything don't google anything yeah yeah yeah maybe shut this up the amount of people that hit me up i'm probably you too too but like that have their kids in the car when this is on is i'm like what are you doing why are you trying to raise such cool kids you know yeah yeah david's always talking about cum and it's like everything else is fine but you know like that one time we were in vegas and david keeps bringing up that story about how he was holding that sake and he's like it looks

like cum and the waitress was right behind him and he always brings it up i stay behind it though it's a white boy stood behind it i'll tell you that it was right there looks like cum and you're like oh well it does uh buzzards are awful and it's time for your final pick the lightning round lightning round pick i'm just going to say anglerfish okay yeah they're weird dude yeah fuck off i don't want anything to do with that also the ocean at least at the, at the very least, should be an honest place, and there's a few of those... Oh, shit. I forgot to take an exit. There's a few of those animals in the ocean that aren't playing honest

games. I forgot to take a second ad break, and we're going to take one right now. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there.

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b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply and we're back welcome back to all fantasy Everything Already in Progress. We've got a couple picks left. David just took the anglerfish. And we're going to find out just right now what Sean Jordan is going to pick, his final pick, and the animals that can fuck right off All Fantasy Everything Draft. Right before I go to bed i like to uh i just sit on the toilet and uh but i don't poop or pee i just sit on the toilet and i get my i get my jug of lotion out

i get i get my jug of lotion out and i lather up most of my body except for my heels and uh i crawl into bed and the last thing that I want sticking the last thing that I want to find in my belly button because I fill that up I hate it and I hate you I lather up my whole body with lotion except for my heels and I take that lotion that I would have put on my heels and I fill up my belly button and then I put a little I put one sunflower seed in there

and it's gone by morning And then I put a little bird, I put one sunflower seed in there. And it's gone by morning. Because it helps with digestion from what I've read on the dark web. And I go to bed and the last thing I want to crawl in there to join that sunflower seed is a bed bug. So bed bugs can fuck right up. Have you ever encountered a bed bug? Have you ever infested? One time. So I woke up. I was staying with Tony and Heather and I woke up. bed bugs can fuck right up have you ever encountered a bed bug have you ever infested one time so i woke up i was staying with tony and heather and i woke up there was a bed bug walking about an inch

in front of my face on my pillow and i was just like fuck and then you have to do the whole thing i had to take my mattress off and check for eggs and all that shit uh didn't didn't have an infestation but i saw i googled it and i was like that's what was on my pillow so it happened to my homie in san francisco and he had to get he had to get rid of all his shit yeah and he lived in a tent in his apartment oh my god you can't you can't get rid of man they're so buck that if you get them you have to seriously have to like get a new bed or like replace all of the lining in your shit it's just the worst and you have to wash all your shit. You have to comb through everything.

They do nothing for society. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Bed bugs. Zach Harper. Dolphins. Yes. Why? Because they rape? Not even that.

All animals, I think, do that. I don't think we can put that solely on. Humans do that. That's right. We can't put that solely on dolphins. Well, right. But isn't that, don't dolphins, they do that, right? I find them to be pretentious.

Mm-hmm. You are so interesting to me. I feel you exactly. I feel you completely. They're pretentious. Yeah. Yeah. They don't do any of it. We put it all on them. No, no exactly. I feel you completely. Yeah. Yeah. They don't do any of it.

We put it all on them. No, no, no, no, no. They don't deny it, do they? No, because they like the reputation. They like, ooh, they're so smart. Yeah. Walk on land, you dipshits. Then I'll believe you're smart.

I mean, breathe underwater, Zach. We can't be doing that. I'm swimming, aren't I? I can swim. We've made apparatus to breathe underwater. We can't be doing that. I'm swimming, aren't I? I can swim. We've made apparatus to breathe underwater. They can't make legs. Yeah, and look how happy it's made all of us. I love the ocean as long as there are no jellyfish and no dolphins.

I love the water. I feel you. Time for my final pick. I don't think this is going to be popular at all because I think people love this animal. But I'm going to take the duck-billed platypus. I don't really know much about it. Yeah, I don't feel any kind of way. Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Oh, man, I don't know. I don't have a reason not like it, but I'm definitely not going to stick up for it. Can I just say one thing before we close? Nature's mistake, but I like it. Can I just say one thing? Pick a fucking lane. Do they live in water yeah

sometimes land water pick a lane buddy and you lay eggs pick a lane yeah you got a poison they got a little poison they're poisonous they lay eggs they're a beaver and a duck pick a lane yeah you can't do everything it's like someone who likes a baseball team in the National League and the American League, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Pick one team. Are they... Where are they located?

Australia. Is that the only place they got it? The only place they could be. Yeah. Because that's who sounds the most fun when they say their name. Duck, Bill, Play-D-Poos. Well, do they call them that or do they have a cute name like they call them platypussies?

Also, do we have any listeners in Perth? I really want to go to Perth. Welcome to Perth. Ian's backdoor Wilson shirt. Wait, Zach, have you been to Perth no no no i've never gone that far west it's the most remote city in the world i don't allow the harpers i want to know if you can feel that i'll go to perth with you yeah i'll go to perth let's i bet you we could do one show we just do a show to cover our tickets to and from Australia. Or we just go to Perth on my own.

Or we just go to Australia and then whatever we make doing a show helps. We swallow it. I'm saying I think we should go to Australia this summer. I think we should. You have to be careful because they'll steal your money because they'll run a Perthamid scheme. Whoa, whoa, whoa. A Perthamid scheme. Okay.

I get it. I thought you were going to talk about how they're all crooks. You should have said that first before you said the abrasive racist stuff about Australians. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My nieces are Australian, I can say. Okay, I'm allowed. I don't know if that's the rules. I don't know if I want to co-sign on that.

I'm uncleed into it. No, we all agree. We all agree. Anyone listening, you cannot be uncleed into racial slurs. agree no all agree you anyone listening you cannot be uncleed into racial slurs your uncle can try to uncle you into racial slurs you can be zunkled into them they often do yeah then you're gonna grow up and you're gonna get old enough and you're gonna fight your uncle your uncle and one day he's gonna not know where it came from you're gonna say steve they don't serve michelob ultra at most places and that's gonna be

the first thing that sets off the argument and it's gonna end in a fight i had a mickelob ultra recently it's good yeah it was i enjoyed it i was at a clippers game my uncle tries to order him and he just he orders him at places that like clearly don't have them because most places don't have it and then he gets bummed out it's like what am i supposed to drink and you're like man anything they got what am i supposed to drink it's also anything what a wild way to what am i supposed to drink i don't know man what anything anything david you went first and you took mosquitoes hyenas saltwater crocodiles buzzards and anglerfish yeah sean you went next you took leeches deer rats and bed bugs zach you went third you took emu jellyfish owls swans and dolphins i went last i took dalmatians beluga whales penguins ants and duckbill platypi and none of us took shrimp we left a lot of good

picks on the board shrimp was actually my fourth pick i picked a lot of us jumbo shrimp any kind of shrimp you can imagine nobody took shrimp uh ponies oh okay i had humans on there we're wrecking everything i had humans i had humans i almost i was almost broke i don't like ponies for dolphin reasons i had i had i got everything the only other thing i had was anacondas and scorpions. Yeah, there's something called an assassin bug, which I just recently found out about. Which one's the dickfish? I forget the name of it, but we can say the dickfish.

Yeah, that thing that swims up your dick and dies. You know a bit about it? That thing can fuck off. You found me on the wrong day. I don't like a chimpanzee. Yeah. Because of how violent they are how violent they are and they're just how near human they look kind of did i ever tell you i

met a chimpanzee who ultimately killed some men yeah i had to tell you that didn't you rip someone's arms off yeah yeah you like fucked up a bunch of people yeah the north american opossum is the only one with an o so i was gonna pick that pick that to get the O out of there. Wait, the what? There's other animals that start with O. Well, no, but it's like the only possum that starts with an O, I guess. All the other possums don't have that silent O except for the North American one.

Oh, weird. I didn't fact check it. I trust her with my life. I'll buy that. Yeah, I believe it. My mother of my child told me that, so I figured I didn't have it. I did have pigeons on my list, but I didn't want to upset you.

I did too, and I knew he'd get... You know, I pick shrimp over pigeons because I bet you got less upset that I picked shrimp. I honestly do. Really? Yeah, I think Ian would have been more upset if I would have picked pigeons. I get the pigeon thing, even though I'm a staunch defender.

Shrimp thing. Fucking suck, man. They're bugs. We'll wrap up the podcast now yeah let's just wrap up the podcast now i don't want to have bad energy going into the final episode of all this i got a mortgage it was a good run can't be my final episode send us your picks all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. We love you so much.

Thank you for holding us down and just letting us do what we do. We really, really love and appreciate you. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. Shout out to Out of Context AFE on Twitter. It is a dang place. You make us laugh all the time. That's very funny. Who else shout out to?

Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. Can I get them out? I got a long list. It'll take 10 seconds. Shout out to Sydney from Suki. Congrats on three years of teaching. The kids are going to learn.

Happy birthday, Chris Arnold. Shout out to Eddie from Kyle. Shout out to Snarf from Charles Barkley. What? Happy birthday, David from Alyssa. Happy seventh wedding anniversary, Jessica. Paul and Jessica, congrats on the wedding. Matt Castro, thank you for the All Fantasy Recap Pod.

That's just dank. Happy birthday, Mike Bremser. Damien from Jenna. Avril from Micah michael and brandon from stephanie tight yeah yeah shouts afu recap pod yeah i it's it's on here i don't i i didn't i must have just put it on the list at some point but uh somebody must have sent me a dm or something about it but yeah there's an afu AFV recap pod. Wow. It's a pod on a pod? I guess.

Podception, dude. Podception. Yeah. We have one of those for Cinephobe. Do you? Yeah. I mean, I'm not a part of it, but yeah, we've got some listeners who try to guess our picks for the next month.

That's fun. That's fun. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.