All Fantasy Everything - Animals to Domesticate (w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

You asked, we answered! We let Patreon members choose an episode, and y'all chose "Animals to Domesticate." The Good Vibes Gang gathered in the Fortress of Solid-Dudes, with Ian Karmel on a bunch of cold medicine for this draft. FLU GAME. Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-longs episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that caught something. It caught something while it was up in Oregon for Thanksgiving. So now the Good Vibes gang is holed up in the Fortress of Solid Dudes. I'm sick as fuck. That sounds pretty dope, though. Like, the Good Vibes gang is

holed up in the Fortress of Solid Dudes? It sounds like the beginning of our Hardy Boys novel. The Good Vibes gang is holed up in the Fortress of Solid Dudes. Now we check in with our weary heroes. Yeah, dude. That sounds dank.

Yeah, man. You're under the weather. My whole body hurts, and I've been pissing out of my ass. Oh, I hate that. Is it yellow? Yeah. Yes. That's always where you're like, whoa.

Yeah. I didn't eat any pee. I've been eating. I've been eating pee, actually, is what I was about to say eating i've been eating pee actually is what i was about to say i have been eating well you know it's a tricky one is when like soup's supposed to make you feel better and you're like this is what i'm shitting that's your stomach your intestines are probably just like hell yeah dude just giving the giving it the wave like third base like a water slide waving it through like just go on through no need to stop here boys it's like when you're at the airport and they have one of those

dogs that sniffs for bombs so you get to just keep your shoes on and keep walking through and you're like oh fucking dang hell yeah I thought Atlanta

was gonna suck I'll tell ya you two don't have to talk about it but I've I pooped my pants one time cause I had a little

bit of the scoots on the bus and I was sitting on the bus I've pooped my pants a bunch of times yeah what are you really

talking to I've only done it twice I shit my pants on the middle. I've put my pants a bunch of times. Yeah. What are you really talking to here? I've only done it twice. I shit my pants on the middle of the Hawthorne Bridge once in Portland, Oregon. I shit my pants on the corner of Ocean and Capitol. Yeah. Which, yeah, it was my block. Yeah, I was on the bus.

That's what that yellow card song Ocean Avenue is about. Yeah, that's 100%. It felt so right. A little place called Ocean Avenue Where I used to shit my pants with you And it went right on my shoe And I will Okay but either way I shit my pants sometimes

Did it hit your shoe? Did it get to your shoe? No it kind of just like Made the Because they were baggy khakis as I recall Get out of town you're telling me you were wearing baggy khakis Yeah yeah yeah so it it kind of just like made the, cause they were baggy khakis as I recall. Get out of town. You're telling me you were wearing baggy khakis. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So it just kind of stuck. And then I just kind of, those are the pants you want to shit. Yeah. Cause you don't want to, you don't want to shit like your little wheezy pants where it's just like, well, it's part of my leg now. And I don't want it.

That's very tight jeans that you wear like right above your knee. I can't wear skinny jeans cause the burner keeps her up. Oh yeah. My knots don't fit. I fill all my days with big butts and booms. I let my pants sag because my big nuts need room. That's fair. I'm not old school.

I just don't. I'm new school. I never thought skinny jeans was going to be for me. I saw that thing coming, and I was like, no. Yeah. They're gone. Baggy's in. Baggy's back?

Oh, yeah. Baggy's back. Like a raver Baggy? In skateboarding, it's back, for sure. We were watching that Potato Salad, the Tyler, the Creator, ASAP Rocky video. Oh, where they're, like, in Paris? Yeah.

And I'm just seeing fucking Tyler, the Creator, in baggy-ass pants. And that's how you know. But he's still, if he's wearing baggy pants today then it's still like five years away yeah we got we got a few years

he's odd future I've been wearing baggy shit the whole time he's gonna wait it out well that's cause like you're a classic though it's like how I've always had a beard

except for my joggers bro Sean Jordan's wearing joggers man and it changed your shit up dude I'm wearing them like a hell's angel just till they fall off Mike Malloy over here.

Don't you dare. All I'm saying, the last three times I've seen you, you've been in Joggers. Last three times I've seen in Mike, he's been mixing it up. Well, hey, man. It's that kind of podcast. That's the kind of podcast it is. I like it, by the way. Don't get me wrong.

I like you in Joggers. Dude, it's so fun. I just feel like I'm I feel like I'm kind of working out sometimes like doing that Shane thing where you're like oh yeah

you're working out but I look like I might be going to work out you mean that kind of thing where you tell the people at the house you're gonna go work out at the hotel

and that's why you have on tights Shane has running Shane has when you get to the hotel you tell them that you just finished working out at the house that you just left.

It's the Shane Torres. It's ingenious, and he'll never take credit for it. He's not in jeans, though. Shane does have workout tights, man. And I got to say, I get it. That's funny, because I could imagine Shane being a dude who wore jeans to the weight room. Yeah.

Do you remember those kids where it's like, are you just poor? I bet you Tretch and DMX wore jeans to the work, like the weight room. Yeah. Do you remember those kids? Oh yeah. Are you just poor? I bet you treach and DMX wore jeans to the weight room. No, I bet you DMX wore leather joggers to the weight room. Like in the, what's my name video. Isn't even 50 cent when he's doing those,

uh, yes. Upside down. He's wearing jeans, right? Yes. No, I thought he was wearing like,

uh, like athletic track pants. I would, there's a stripe down the side, man. There's wearing jeans, right? Yes, he is. No, I thought he was wearing like athletic track pants. I would. There's a stripe down the side. Man. There's a white stripe down the side. It's the same pants he's wearing when he's running on the treadmill. Okay.

I feel like he wears jeans more than he should, though. 50 Cent? Yeah. Listen, I'm not really here to. You're not here to talk about 50 Cent. I don't really even feel comfortable saying his name in public, to be honest. How are the holidays? Oh, that's a great question.

They were good. Yeah? You were up in the motherland. I was up in Portland, Oregon. So Portland, Oregon, with my beautiful girl, my girlfriend. Yeah. Emma Arnold came to Thanksgiving. Wax.

Yeah. So I saw a picture, can I ask? Yes. I saw a picture where she was talking into a curtain. Yes. And I assume there's a great story because I read the caption. My family came. So we did.

It was, oh, shout out to Nick Nampe. It was his birthday. Oh, Nick Nampe, friend of the show. Sorry I wasn't there, bro. Not in the house. Not in the studio. Not in the studio. It would be weird if he was in the studio.

Not on mic, not in the house. It was his birthday. So we went out and I had some drinks. It was his birthday, so we went out and I had some drinks. Emma doesn't drink, but I had some drinks. And I had arranged, I was like, hey, let's go do some stand-up because it's this really fun show.

Shout out to Adam Posse and Marcus Coleman. Oh, Pizza Gang? And Shane Brandon, who run this fun show. Yeah, the Mississippi Pizza Show. Oh, yeah. And I told Emma, and she was like reluctant. She was like, okay, I'll do it. That kind of, I don't want to do it, but I'll do it kind of thing.

Just because I thought it would be fun. Well, you know, yeah, I feel it. And I tweeted about it, because I wanted, because we sold out the show in March. Shout out to everyone who bought tickets, by the way. It's going to be real fun. Tickets still available. As you're listening to this oh yeah on sunday get tickets to go see david borre yeah i'm there i'm there at the siren theater this sunday there's like 30 tickets left

yeah if we sold out that would be dope also the week after me brie pruitt the week after that more friends of the pod amy miller wow You shouldn't have told them until your show was over. Yeah, really. I mean, I don't think anyone's going to pick them over you, but you've got to come at this like that. But now, yeah. Economics 101, playboy. My Jewish brain just threw up three red X's the second you brought up those other people.

Well, it's too late, guys. It's too late. I only need 30 of you to come. That's true. The rest of y'all. He said maybe we'll get standing, so I need 50 of you to come. 50. And then. And we're boycotting Bree and Amy shows.

Yeah, don't go. We've got to do a full AFE boycott. I'm showing up for Caitlyn, though. I'm not sorry. We're not sorry. Sean's in joggers, dude. The bad vibes used to fall out right at the bottom of his pants. Bad boy jogger, Sean.

Backwards hat, dude. I feel like the joggers made you feel like... It's almost like like if i were to lose weight like you're just like it got you like a confidence like a new car you got jogger confidence yeah dude you don't want to set crip walk all the way to work now man i'm feeling a lot of bde in the corner yeah a lot of bde i don't know what that is that big dick energy yeah you know what it is you know what it is yeah i knew. You just made me say it. The second I put these on, I made you say it. The BD is also the beard's darn epic. The beard is thick right now.

It is fucking gross, man. No, see, but you say that. We've hung out like four times in the last week, and every time we've hung out, somebody has come up to you and said they like it. Yes, that's true. I feel like they're. You're doing things like Big Bear, dude.

Why would they come up to you and say they like it if they were. They just wouldn't say anything. You're right. You're right. I'm different now. I got joggers. I have a jacket now. You have a jacket with epaulettes, I think.

Right? Doesn't have those little things. Yeah. It's got the little zipper things that. Oh, does it have an eight ball on it? No. It's got a big eight ball. It's got Betty little zipper things that. Oh, does it have an eight ball on it? No. It's got a big eight ball. It's got Betty Boop.

Betty Boop's playing pool on the back. Betty Boop, James Dean, and Elvis are playing pool on the back of his head. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. It's that zipper jacket from the Smell Your Dick video. Yeah. That I can't stop talking about. That's a cool jacket. I think NASCAR jackets are cool.

I said it. When I get my paper. You were talking about it. I think they're cool. I'm going to get a Bush NASCAR jacket. When I get my money right, I'm only wearing clothes from the M&M store.

That's on everything. As a young crip in Sioux Falls, you have no idea how stoked I was when we got a Disney store. I saw this dude in Banging in Omaha. If you guys remember that, Banging in Omaha was an MTV thing. This dude named M-Dog was dressed in all white. Wait, what? They were in Omaha. Banging in Omaha. If you guys remember that, Banging in Omaha was an MTV thing. This dude named M-Dog was dressed in all white, had a Mac-10. Wait, what? They were in Omaha.

Banging in Omaha? Banging in Omaha. Or it was like True Life Banging in Omaha or something like that. You mean Banging in Little Rock? No, no, no, no, I don't, because I'm well versed on Banging in Little Rock. Here's a gun. Is Banging in Omaha a show about gangs, or is it a pornography video? I would say,

put the gun on my mouth and say pornography video and I'd be dead. This dude who was supposed to be like in the Crips had a Tigger shirt on and I'm like, well, that must be hard. Oh, so you were excited

to get all the Tigger gear. I was like, that's what I got to get because Bugs and Taz was hot so I'm like... That's true. Tigger's next. Tigger's got next.

Would you take a little Sharpie and put an R after the T so it's a trigger? And then you'd have a little gun in Tigger's hand. Tigger's got next. Would you take a little Sharpie and put an R after the T so it's a trigger? And then you'd have a little gun in Tigger's hand? That's better than the sex White Sox have. No, it is not, dude. Did you ever do that? But it's newer.

It is newer. But I do remember that. We used to do that. T is for trigger. Man, if I weren't sick, I would come up with something pretty funny. Yeah, it's okay. And I think everyone listening knows that. I thought it was a real song.

I thought you were just about to sing a real song. It's a Tigger song. T-I-V-E-S-4-T-I-G-G-E-R. Oh, T-I-Double-G-E-R. Oh, no, I'm thinking C is for cookie. Never mind. I'm conflating the Cookie Monster song. C is for cookie.

Oh, that's good enough to eat. Yeah. How does the Tigger song go? I don't know. I didn't know there was one. Oh, the wonderful thing about Tiggers is that we only work. Yeah, it's Tiggers are wonderful things. Remember that? Oh, sure. Yeah, I do know. The wonderful thing about't know. I didn't know there was one. Oh, the wonderful thing about triggers. Yeah, it's triggers are wonderful things. Oh, sure. Yeah, I do know.

The wonderful thing about triggers. That's why I couldn't think of the other. Bullets are wonderful things. Yeah. No, we're against gun violence. Actually, we're going to make our official stance right now. All fantasy, everything. Against gun violence. You heard it here first, folks.

Noi. Put down your gun. And it's funny, folks. Noi. Noi. Noi. Not noi. Put down your gun. And it's funny we do that in Australian accent because they actually solved their gun violence epidemic. They seriously did. Banning guns. Interesting.

Hmm. Moving on. I shit my pants in the middle of the Hawthorne Bridge. I shit my pants on the bus. That's right. After eating a pita pit. I shit my pants on the corner of my blockthorne Bridge. I shit my pants on the bus. That's right. After eating a pita pit. I shit my pants on the corner of my block. And then to take that back a couple, Emma and I did stand-up at that Mississippi Pizza

show. And so I tweeted about it so people would come. Sure. And people came. Nice. Including my mom, who saw the tweet. Oh, man. Even though the show didn't start until 10.

Oh, no. That is hilarious. And both my sisters. And they hadn't met Emma yet and I was like this is Wednesday I thought it was Friday no this was on fucking

Wednesday night oh man that's hilarious so I tweeted to her I told you know like my mom's like so we're coming and I'm like

okay and I checked in with Emma and Emma was like cool with it she was like yeah fine let's rip the bandaid off not that what a gangster not

that meeting my family is a band-aid that needs to be removed you know i get it but you know it's a big one for lack of a better let's rip the band-aid off let's eat all the whipped cream i don't know it's a thing you want to do yeah i know that one it's a thing you want to do let's eat all the way over time she's like all right you know and i figured seeing her do stand up and meeting her you know you get the full picture of who she is. Sure. And Emma, for those of you who don't know, she'll talk about things that are ribald in nature. Oh, she ain't scared.

In her stand-up comedy act. Definitely ain't scared one bit. Not one bit. So she went up and did, I mean, she said it on the Instagram picture, material about gangbangs. But hid behind the curtain the whole time and it was so funny. Did anyone in the room know the situation? I think maybe a couple people.

That's funny. I don't know. I think Emma probably brought it up too. Well, you might have been in your cups a little bit at that point, right? I had a couple of cocktails. Because it was Nick Namfey's birthday. I had a couple of cocktails.

I was definitely... My mom did say later, you were pretty drunk and it affected your performance. St. Sue Carmel, man, pulling no punches. You were pretty drunk and it affected your performance. That's hilarious. She was, you know, she was fucking bossing up on everybody.

Coming to the show, even though I was pretty, like, standoffish about it in the text. Like, I don't know. She's like, we're coming. I want to see you perform. Yep. She was right to do it. Your mom literally just tweeted at me and said she bought tickets to come see me on Sunday.

Bang, bang. She's so rad. St. Sue. Yeah, she's so tight. So not only do you get David Boyd, you also get to see St. Sue Carmel on a Sunday night. It's going to be such a fun time. She's doing 10, right? Yeah.

Hot 10. It's not just me sick as fuck in our house. You don't seem sick. I know you seem sick, but you're still pretty dope. Most people when they're sick fucking suck. I'm sick, dude. Well, you don't know because this is a podcast. It's an audible medium. I've been doing kickflips

this whole time. That's what I mean by sick. Sick with it, if you will. You know, I tighten your trucks, by the way. I don't know when you told me to. You did tighten them? They've been tight for like a month. Well, now there's nothing stopping me. Was it in Minneapolis?

Is that what? The truck tightening? Yeah. Could have been. I haven't listened yet. We're pretty drunk. That was Minneapolis. I listened to the second episode.

Did you listen to it? Oh, yeah. I I was like I can't I will but you know we're not like it's not like a problem but you know we've had a couple drinks

yeah we're drunk at work between the three of us we had one gin and tonic it sounds like sure maybe three straws

man well that's what they get for having after parties till six dude six what'd you expect six in the morning I don't read no books better gangbang i stand by it uh behind shawnis jordan on twitter shawn cougar mel jordan on the gram there it is we're seeing a lot of

those lately yeah a lot of those you know it's a growing trend it's a growing trend get out there what do you what do you got going on anything to promote you know I don't have any road work coming up so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna promote our dear friend of the podcast sweet sweet

Shane Torres oh sure you do he sounds like the big cranberry he's got a little bit of a light light ticket presence at club

damn club cafe this Friday in Pittsburgh oh he's in Pittsburgh. He switched it up. He's going to stay on the East Coast for a minute. Steel City Stew. If you guys got love in your hearts,

if you live anywhere around Three Rivers or the stadium they're in, go see Shane at the Club Cafe on the Late Show Friday or any one of the shows. Antoine Randall-El, if you're listening. We're talking Willie McCovey?

No. Mike Tomlin. We're talking Mike Tomlin, if you and your leather jacket. If Terry Bradshaw happens to be in town, you know, you get your ass over there. Yes. Franco Harris. Mario Lemieux.

We're talking to you. All right? Mean Joe Green. Anthony Jeselnik's parents. I assume some hardworking blue collar families. Yeah. Troy Palamalu? Troy Palamalu.

If you're there, check him out. You know? Can you imagine if everyone we just named showed up to Shane's late show? Mike Pouncey. I don't. Maurice Pouncey. Maurice Pouncey. Is Chris Collinsworth, was he a stealer?

No. Damn, dude, I blew it. You blew it. I blew it. Did anyone say Franco Harris? Franco Harris. Franco Harris. Jerome Bettis. Did anyone say Franco Harris? Franco Harris, dude. Franco Harris, Jerome Bettis. The Immaculate Reception Franco Harris?

Yep, that's the guy. Doc Ellis. Doc Ellis. Man. Tripping balls on LSD. Go check out Shane. Doc LSD. Doc LSD.

Yeah, dude. LSD is nuts. There was a lot you could do with his name. Yep. So yeah, go see Shane when this comes out tomorrow. Dan Marino, who grew up in the Pittsburgh area, though did not play for them. You're not looking this up on the internet.

You just know this. Or not Johnny Manziel. Joe Flacco. Joe Flacco. Isn't he from there? Probably. It's a tight name. Flacco.

I like that name. Pretty boy Flacco. Okay, so go check that out. Go listen to this. You know what I'm going to say real quick also, too. Thank you to everyone for rocking with us on the Patreon. Drip it. Things we're all learning by doing.

It's new to all of us. It turns out this shout-out thing that we promised, it's harder than we thought. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. We got a device. Just thank you all for your patience. Like, for real, thank you for your patience.

And we're learning. It's getting a lot easier but that first like three weeks was tricky to learn all this stuff tricky the super producer herself had to teach us how to do this where we're sitting yeah and i might still be fucking it up so we don't know but anyway so if you're hearing this if you're hearing this we didn't fuck sean figured it out uh but for real thank thank you. Seriously, seriously, thank you for that. So yeah, and go see Shigaroo in Pittsburgh on Friday.

The G is silent on Twitter. Yes, sir. Cool guy jokes, 87 on Instagram. Not catching on. Not catching on. Not as many of those. You can only be

cool guy jokes. If you were born in 87 and you're a dude, you can't be, you know. Yeah, you're pretty screwed. You gotta be like.

That's how I planned it. Drool guy 86 guy 86 yeah i haven't heard anything cool guy 87 dude cruel guy 87 fool guy 76 one of my old heads if you're a big sewer you could be like spool guy 87 there's no dana only zoo guy 87 for halloween only sure um if you're a big Cardigans fan, you could be Love Fool 87. Love Fool Jokes 87. That was actually what Cool Guy Jokes 87 was going to be. Yeah, Love Fool Guy Jokes 87.

Huel Joke, Huel Guy Jokes 87. If you're into Huel Hauser and his show about California. Greg Buell Guy Jokes 87. Sure. Mule Guy Jokes 87. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were in the Dust Bowl, you could be gruel guy jokes 87.

All you eat is gruel is what he's saying there. If you loved Home Improvement, Tim the Tool guy jokes 87. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Any one of those. Yeah, yeah, really any one of those to pay homage to. There is a cool guy jokes 88, which is weird. He fucking prices right at you. Yeah, he really did. Yeah. Good is weird. Oh, he fucking prizes right at you.

Yeah, he really did. Good to hear. Oh, him or her. If somebody spoke Spanish, what would you describe my eyes? They'd be azul eyes jokes 87. Are you saying your eyes are so blue? Yeah. It's almost like they're deep pool eyes 87.

Oh, yeah. The color I would describe is cool. Oh, we're back to cool. We got all these guys jokes 87. But you meant cool with a K. I heard it. I can feel it in you. the color I would describe as cool oh we're back to cool there we go but you meant cool with a K I heard it I can feel it in you this is happening right we're in this room right okay cool it does feel weirdly surreal

that we're not in the studio it is weird yeah oh yeah my dates oh yeah my dates are Friday or Sunday this Sunday come see me at the siren theater and pdx come see me december 14th 15th and 16th and 17th maybe at the for cheaper than sherry p at therapy at the shelton theater in san francisco in january you can come see me in austin back at the velveta room i believe it is january

i want to go there 17th and 18th we need to go to austin again i'm also gonna be in santa cruz in june listen i got a set that i'm preparing for i'm running around well you got a website now right i got a website davidbori. got a website. DavidBorey.com. Go check it out. Got your dates on it? The dot com is silent. I do have the dates on it. The dot com is silent.

Yeah. Check them out. It's because it's dot biz. How was your guys' Thanksgiving before we move on? It was really fun, man. Hung out with Malloy and the Goon Squad. Oh, the Goon Squad. The Terror Squad?

Liz and then her mom. Shout out to Wendy, Liz's mom oh yeah getting wasted and straight roasting sean jordan she did rip my face off dude talk so much she was like i go yes sioux falls and she goes that's a place that smells like uh like what she's at processed dog food or some shit hot pork rendering plan yeah pork rendering plan i was like rendering i tried to backplot i was like no no it's sioux city she goes no that's sioux falls i've been there and i'm like yeah then she was like listed off streets wow wait you lied to this woman about what sioux falls smells like the same face because sioux city smells worse sioux falls still has that smell yeah like you know it's like the same old bit i have like if i get stabbed 30 if my friend gets stabbed 30 times and i get

stabbed once still sucks i got stabbed yeah yeah si yeah, yeah. Sioux Falls still stinks. Okay. So I get it. I didn't expect her to stick to her guns that hard. She did. She did not. She was ripping off towns. Because he was like, I'm from there, and she did not back up.

She doubled down. Wow. Then I got down on one knee. She was like, yeah, you're from there? Well, you smell like hot pork. The city of hot pork wins. I'm trying to be Malloy's stepdad at some point, or father-in-law.

So if I marry Wendy, that can happen. That's true. That would be Malloy's stepdad at some point. Or father-in-law. So if I marry Wendy, that can happen. That's true. I would be Malloy's father-in-law. That would be a crazy turn of events. Man. You wearing joggers is step one. Oh, man. You're boxing him out. That's what we talked about. I was like, I'm going to try to get in cool with the kid.

I'm seeing the playbook wide open right now. Oh, what's this bottle of Jameson? Yeah, Mike, let's drink a little bit Is that a blunt Man it's a lot of blunts A lot of Jameson A lot of turkey There was some heavy Jameson this last weekend

Liz's mom into her cups Yeah Is she from Boston too No Liz's mom is Is she from Maryland Upstate New York, maybe? I don't know. Somewhere over there.

Nah, the listeners don't care. Yeah, they're not interested. But yeah, it was good. It was good. Got to hang out with a bunch of friends. It was fun. Thanksgiving. Yeah, man.

Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Yeah. I'm Ian Carmel. We got it coming up. At Ian Carmel Across Platforms. Catching on as well. Catching on.

A lot of Ian Carmels out there now. It's like when people... It's like now there's a bunch of Shaqs in the NBA and the NFL. A bunch of Beyonce's being born. There's going to be a bunch of Ian Carmels like Ian Carmel Henderson. You know, Ian Carmelo O'Neal. Ian Carmelo Gonzalez. I'm huge in Latin communities. Sure.

Because of the mustache. Can I look a little bit like a fat Tapatio guy? You should be the Tapatio guy for Halloween. That would be a great costume. I might just be the Tapatio guy for the rest of my life. That's a better life. What if the mustache was step one and I started adding piece by piece slowly?

Sure, step two. You just wear that red neckerchief next. I already wear bandanas. I've been wearing them around you guys. You've been seeing me. Oh, man. I've been wearing them around you guys oh man you've been seeing me seamless by the way I love the idea of somebody slowly transitioning in front of us

honestly that's what I know I've been talking about these joggers it seems like I'm self conscious but I was going to send these back along with that jacket but I'm like fuck it man Ian makes moves Zach's making moves all the time and I never make moves I get white Nikes what are some of Zach's moves? He just wears that cool sweater with that collar

I don't understand. Oh, that's true. He does. Yeah, one that cost him. He went in and thought it was going to be like, he's like, set the ceiling. Like, all right, if it's anything over like 200 bucks, but he had to special order it without asking how much it was. Yeah. Which is... They make you special order it without asking how much it is? This is a nice... This is like an Ian type place. This ain't like

a us place. Casual male XO. This is... Oh, oh no that's a david are you kidding i know me in there i went into casual male one time because i was looking for tall tees i was looking for tall skinny tees and i go to the guy you were looking looking for tees that fit our body for one of your spoofs i wasn't one of you i want some underwear i I could swim in. I go, I was like, Hey dog, you got any like tall teas?

And like, you know, two X, but skinny. He goes, we got three XL. Also, you were looking to go to a gas station.

I don't know. I just wanted a t-shirt that was, that would go to like past my waist. That's where you had to go. Yeah. Why did you want that? I don't know, man. Trying to make those early moves. Oh, it was just, you had to go yeah why did you want that i don't know man trying to make wait it wasn't those early moves oh it was just you just wanted a tall t i want

did you ever go through a phase where you wore two t-shirts one of them longer than the other so you can see a little bit of the other one under yes sean i'm cool that's what i was trying to do okay yeah that but you were going over i wear a big dog t-shirt and then a bigger dog t-shirt that's that was my move big dog t-shirt st then a bigger dog t-shirt that's that was my move big dog t-shirt saint bernard hoodie yeah now that would have been the perfect joke when it i mean it still actually would work you could still do that yeah man do that feel free to use it no that's fucking i'm sick i'm not gonna remember i said it you've been hot you've been taking uh you've been taking the quill uh i've been huffing paint all day, you know? That's poor man's night quill.

Yeah. Just huffing a lot. I've been huffing a lot of paint. I drank a fish bowl. Just like literally I put a fish in a bowl. I drank the whole thing. Yeah, like the thespians. Yeah.

Heard that helps. Sort of thespian moves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I buried a sandwich in the front yard. I coughed into it and then buried it, hoping that it took the evil spirits with it. Have you had a fever dream at all today? No fever dreams today.

Well, that's what this is. Well, that's what this is. I'm assuming that's what this is. We're not here. And also the two ideas I pitched for Dolly Parton. Wait, is it her birthday or something? No, but she's coming on The Late Late Show. Are you asking,

did I still have to do several hours of work today? I did. Oh, bummer. Well, yeah. You're never really sick when you're a Emmy-nominated head writer. Sure, sure.

I mean, I was amazed that I saw you get to the gym today. Also, you're never really sick when you're a Laker girl. Laker girl. Ladies and gentlemen, you're a Laker girl. You almost put too much

verve on it, and then it got so creepy at the end that like, I honestly, I was ready to dress you down for doing it wrong. And then the end got so creepy that now I feel like you've just sort of like, I don't know. It's like the first time anyone did a crossover.

Yeah, dude. It's like, I was just thinking too small. You were thinking big. We're playing seventies basketball. That's what happens when you podcast with no motherfucking shoes on. No shoes on. That might be it. Man. That no motherfucking shoes on, bro. No shoes on.

That might be it. Man. That might be it. This is tight. Yeah, right? We're just sitting in the crib. This is dick. I don't have any dates because the show in Portland sold out.

Yeah. Yay, yay. In three weeks. Seems like we'll be doing something fun, though, around those dates. We're poking around. What date is that? March 5th? March 9th.

March 9th. So definitely keep an eye out for that weekend. I could be up in the PDX area that we do as well. Well, who knows if we're going to be up there? Who knows? Maybe you could see the three of us do this. Who knows? That would be funny, right?

Yeah, that would be funny. Because, I mean, if we could do it in a living room, we could maybe do it in a venue. We could do it in a theater, right? We might even do it in a theater up in Portland. Maybe we're sending emails right now trying to figure out which theater will have us. Yeah.

And our long-term drinking issues. No, is there nothing new with the city of Portland, my friend? Nothing new. No, they know what they're doing. They've been seeing that. Lord, have they. They saw it Wednesday night when Emma ducked behind that curtain. How cute.

They're going to see it on Sunday night when me and Shane Brennan get so drunk and play Buck Hunter. Man. Or whatever ends up happening. I hope you don't have to work that next day. Word. So we are gathered here today in the Fortress of Solitude. Seriously?

Real far from Skid Row. Real far from Skid Row. We're not even close. We're like a potato gun's shot away from Skid Row. Just a stone's throw from the Glendale Americana. Dude, they're having winter right now. Oh, yeah. The fake snow?

Mm-hmm. We are gathered here to actually do one of the perks of the Patreon. Yes. Is once a month, the Patreon members get to pick a topic for us to draft. And that's the topic the three of us are drafting today. It is? Animals you would like to domesticate and keep as a pet. I'm stoked.

Yeah. Some of this, I'm going to be going off top on some of this because my Rolodex is deep. Yeah. Also, I'm going to let the cold medicine do some of the work. Oh, yeah.

Play that, Jim. You know what's crazy? I might draft me, dude. Me, bro. I've been letting some cold medicine do the work and I don't have a cold. You should not do that it's a couple days ago you shouldn't call it a couple days ago i was feeling what they what they call the street term is okay oh are you feeling okay i took the street drug

known as nyquil you were walking on a cloud dude it is dank. And then I'll tell you what you do. Sure. You feel alright. Take yourself to NyQuil. Rewatch True Detective. Sure. It'll fuck you up. I've never pre-watched or regularly watched True Detective. I haven't seen it either. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are acting their little peckers

off in that show. It is so, so good. You say little pecker, but there's no way. Woody Harrelson. His name is Woody. Put McConaughey aside for a second, because I don't want to speculate on his penis. It's not something I want to think about tonight. Woody Harrelson, for sure got a big dick.

Everything, he looks like a big dick. Everything about, his face is like falling apart all the time, and that's how you know, because his body's devoting so much energy to his big dick. He's got a wide set jaw, that's how you know, because like his body's devoting so much energy. What is with someone like... He's got a wide set jaw. That's how you know you've got a heavy hand.

What's with the Woody Harrelson where like he's pretty attractive still, I think. I think he's a pretty attractive person. Yeah, but we've discussed. You don't know. You don't know. Okay, Chris Paul aside,

let's get that butt ugly lunatic out of this conversation. Butt ugly lunatic? No one has ever called him... What a savage thing to call him. No one's ever called... He's a father. No one's ever called Chris Paul butt ugly. I'm all right. Butt ugly lunatic? No one has ever called him that. What a savage thing to call him. No one's ever called him that. He's a father. No one's ever called Chris Paul butt ugly.

I'm all right. Butt ugly lunatic? He's a very handsome, competent man. How dare you? He's the head of the players union. Butt ugly. I don't know where you get off. I feel like he did.

Did he take? Nowhere around that ugly motherfucker. You're my dear friend, but I can't side with you on this one. It feels like he did something to you. Butt ugly lunatic? It feels like he did something to you. Butt ugly lunatic. It feels like he did something to you. If you called me a butt ugly lunatic. I'd be hurt. It wouldn't even be funny. I'd be hurt too.

I've never said anything even close to that about either one of you. Could you imagine saying that to someone in earnest? Listen to me you butt ugly lunatic. Like if you're just ready to fight someone. Like you're pissed off at like an Ikea What a crazy If you ever

At the call center If you ever quit mid-call You have to call someone a butt-ugly lunatic I'll say shit until they come over and remove me From my desk Every call I'll be like What'd you say to me you butt-ugly piece of shit? Where's your kid at, you fucking dickweed?

It'll be all kinds of stuff. Not the big swears, though. Be like, calling them, like, doing the good ones. Well, that's why butt-ugly lunatic is perfect. It's so fun to say, too. Butt-ugly. I'll tell you how you get my manager on the phone, my friend. You're going to want to take a long walk up a short pier is what you're going to want to do.

I love that. There you go. What are they going to complain about? You got a pound sign on that phone? Yeah. Well, pound sand, friendo. Why don't you go kick – I'll tell you when you get your refund. As soon as pigs fly out of my butt, my friend.

You want to sit on it and swirl. Sit on it? Can we still say that? I think you can. Go sit. Also, where are they talking? Go sit and spin, bro. Did that mean your penis or another penis?

Or did it even mean penis? Did it just mean... Oh, so are you speculating that sit and spin means you get a boner and then you twirl around your boner? No, you tell him to sit on it and spin. Oh, sit and spin. It's a middle finger, I'd say. Oh, you didn't know it was an automatic renewal?

Well, that and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee, won't it? That's another one I'm going to say. There you go, yeah. Oh, that's good. Go back to the spin for a second. I like to imagine it's a boner, and that's the only contact you have with the ground, and you're spinning around your boner. Oh, like the break dancers.

Yeah. But your boner's on the ground somehow. Yeah. Oh, I would want my boner to wear a helmet. King Tuff can do that. Oh, a cock headspin? Yeah. A dick headspin?

Dick headspin. Oh, man, King Tuff, dude. King Tuff. He's been on hiatus. Oh, yeah. He invented the word hiatus. You know that? Yeah, right.

The world's been on hiatus. He invented the word hiatus. You know that? The world's been on hiatus. He's been doing shit. His protein powder is just grind up elephant tusk. He accidentally invented the first Nalgene bottle. You know that? And then he broke it. You know that song? Orinoco song by Enya?

It's actually by King Tuff. The song is called Orinoco Flow by Enya by King Tuff. It's one of those deep, deep metaphors. King Tuff invented steak. King Tuff built his house by screaming it at the ground until the wood made a house by itself. That's the same way that King Tuff invented the island of Samoa. Oh, yeah.

He just punched it off the ground. It was on the main line. He just punched it off the ground. It was on the mainland. He just punched it off. It floated away because it was scared. What you can't see in the background of every post that The Rock does when he's banging and clanging at the Iron Church is a big mural of King Tuff. Big mural of King Tuff.

Sometimes, do you guys ever think King Tuff might just be Jason Momoa? I hope so, man. It might be The Rock. King Tuff invented barbecue sauce by pointing at ketchup. He dressed down ketchup. He's like, hey, you are butt ugly, and it turned into barbecue sauce. You butt ugly lunatic. And it turned into barbecue sauce.

So we are gathered here to draft the animals we would like to domesticate. And the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors. That was tight. We're going to play between the two of you and the green fairy I see right now. I love it that you're hopped up on goofballs. Yeah, I'm into it. All right, here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. I won that one on top of my head. You put a rock on top of the head, dude. Rock on top. I know you did. Sean threw paper. I fucking know you did, dude.

I'm sitting in the same fucking living room you are. Is that you or the joggers? Joggers. For sure. Joggers, Sean. Sorry. The joggers, they like walk out into traffic for me. It's like Venom.

When the Venom suit takes over. That's 100% your joggers. And I apologize to everyone at the Americana. Like, listen, I don't want to beat the shit out of you like Ray Donovan, but I'm going to. Sean, jog on. Sean, jog on, dude. Jog on. Oh, David and I i watched cradle to the

grave the other night because of course we did and uh drag on's in that and david didn't see the credits but he did see drag on on screen he goes oh damn drag on nobody nobody would fucking know that yeah man one of the few i you know i love him drag on opposite h2o shut out drag on and jet lee we're talking about this. America really tried to give us Jet Li. Yeah. And we did not take. Well, what they thought, like we ate up Jackie Chan and they were like, surely they want more Hong Kong Kung Fu experts.

But no, they really underestimated Jackie Chan's charm. Seriously. Jackie Chan is all down. We didn't want bad Jackie Chan. Yeah. And also Chow Yun Fat didn't work. No, not at all. We wanted Jackie Chan.

No, I forgot about Chow Yun-Fat. Nor did that Thai guy. Tony Jaa? Tony Jaa from Ong Bak. From Ong Bak. You know who works? That's the bone collector, the bone movie that he's in? Oh, yeah.

Elephant Boner? I don't know what it's called. Listen, you know, although... It's probably called Elephant Boner. Yeah. We did... And then who's the guy in Ip Man? Oh, I love those movies, though. I do, too. But, well, that dude in the raid... Ip Man movies are good. Oh, it's Mike Tyson. It's Mike Tyson. And then who's the guy in Ip Man? Oh, I love those movies, though.

I do, too. But well, that dude in the raid. Ip Man movies are good. Oh, it's Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson and Ip Man 3 for no reason. Oh, dude, we saw Creed 2 last night. What do you think? Zacula's on the fence pretty hard.

Really? But you were going to love it. I like everything. Yeah. It was a little slow in the middle, but like Michael Bajordan fucking knocks, dude. Of course. That guy is sick. I saw him in person the other day. He walked by me in the middle, but Michael Bajordan fucking knocks, dude. Of course. That guy is sick. I saw him in person the other day.

He walked by me in the hallway at the Late Late Show. As beautiful as you think. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet he smelled phenomenal, too. He was wearing an amazing suit that he didn't even wear on the show. So he just wore a suit to the studio. Uh-huh.

Stu, Stu, Studio. Suit, suit, suit, studio. Suit, suit, studio. Gordon, go on and say the word now david the order of the draft is incumbent upon you to determine but before you do that i will remind you that it is a serpentine draft and what is a serpentine draft it's a great question it's like that video game centipede oh okay yeah i got so excited when i realized i've never said that one yeah i guess it is i guess it really is

i thought of that like five blocks ago and i was like fuck yeah dude now you don't need me to tell you but basically what that means is you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round yeah You pick first in the second round. Yeah, dude. With that in mind, what will the order of the draft be today, my friend? So here's the thing is it doesn't really matter because. Because nothing really matters. It doesn't matter as much when there's three, I feel like. Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to go David, Sean, Ian.

He likes that pocket. I love that hot corner. Just like that's my view. I need that hot corner. All right. Hot, hot corner. That hot corner. I love that hot corner. Just like, that's my view. I need that hot corner. Hot, hot corner. All right. Hot, hot corner. All right, so David Boyd, with the first pick in the animals you would like to domesticate,

and maybe even have as a pet, all fantasy, everything draft, you are on the clock with the first pick. My first pick, maybe controversial, we'll decide. I'm going to go with Animal from the Muppets. What? Oh. Maybe controversial. I love it. that's what the people want from the muppets you know from dr teeth and the electric man yeah the drummer baby he was sex drugs and rock and roll that's a hard one to domesticate it's yeah well

here's the only thing about it is isn't he sentient what do you mean is he sentient does he perceive the things happening around him don't all animals would he be aware of his bondage is my question i mean he got he's got that leather choker so i think he's into bonding wait are we talking about we're talking about animal from the month the cartoon love it's the Muppets. The drummer? The drummer. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's not a cartoon. He's a Muppet. Oh, I'm thinking of Muppet Babies. Yeah. He was on Muppet Babies. Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. That's still ridiculous. Are Muppet Babies

the Muppets as babies or the babies of Muppets? Yeah, you don't remember the Muppets as babies? No, I remember. I remember. Muppet Babies. I don't remember either because Ron had the same idea with like which were they? Because they don't really say, do they? Do they say? They don't say it. Ron had the same idea. Which were they? They don't really say, do they? Do they say? They don't say.

I always assumed they were the Muppets as babies. Yeah. I did too. That makes more sense. Also, you want to know something super funny about Animal and the Muppet Babies? Voiced by Dave Coulier. Really? Mr. Cut it out himself.

I'll tell you. I did a week with Dave Coulier in Peoria, Illinois. That's a city. It is. So Dave Coulier, Mr. Straight Laced, he would do a joke where he'd flip people off, but just imagine what I'm doing. He'd have three fingers up,

and he'd say, read between the lines. Wow. Squeaky clean. What if he invented that? He might have. So last show, he has himself a gentleman's one and a half Bud Lights. Leaves with two young Peoria girls. Wow.

Read between the lines. Really? It's Dave Coulier. Right in between those lines. That's why you are the fucking head writer and I'm not. Because I have never thought of that. I've been telling that story for like seven years. Flu game.

Read between the lines. He's stepping up that flu game. That sounds like he could be an athlete, like flu game. I don't know, flu game, Genesis. It's a Michael Jordan thing. What, the flu game? Flu game. It's one of those shoes are the flu games.

It sounds like it could be like a name of someone. A lot of people think he was just in Vegas the night before because the game was in Salt Lake City. Like flu game Cashmanian or something? Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah. That could be a name. I'll tell you what. Like an Armenian basketball. Like flu game Kashmanian or something? Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah. That could be an Armenian guy. Like an Armenian basketball player, flu game Kashmanian?

That theory that he was a... Who gives a fuck? He still played amazing. Michael Jordan? No, wasn't it like he was seen gambling all night that night? I think people... There's different stories. Because it was the jazz game, right?

It was the jazz in the finals, yeah. The theories, yeah. He was getting an IV. We've been there. Yeah. I haven't. Have we bailed? I've been there, and it's overrated.

We did bail. We bailed. What did we do? We went swimming or something. Ian had to work, and you went boarding. Oh, I went boarding. I did go boarding. I went skating.

I didn't go boarding. I'm not a fucking undercover cop. Is that their is that, there a difference? There is, there is a huge difference. You were Lupe, you were Lupe Fiasco-ing?

You kick-pushed Coast? Kick-pushed Coast. And I never had no sex before. Wait, what song is that? That's J. Cole. That's J. Cole? I always thought it was Lupe Fiasco. I never had no,

the song about, I never did this before. No, that's a J. Cole song. I always thought it was Lupe Fiasco. Man never had the song about, I never did this before. No, that's a J. Cole song. I always thought it was Lupe Fiasco. Man. Because it sounds kind of like kickflash. This is more of a J. Cole fiasco than a Lupe Fiasco. We also thought for the long time that the Ballers theme was J. Cole.

Haters in the building. Yeah. I don't know where we... Oh, because he says, who else want to fuck with Hollywood Cole? Oh, I knew that song because I remember right when it came out, I got it on LimeWire. Oh, yeah. He and I were both sitting here like, that sounds like Drake, but it's got to be J. Cole. It was before Drake was, it was like right before, like, it was like in between So Far Gone and Drake getting like actually famous.

It was like right then and there. He flies Hollywood, Hollygrove chicks to his Hollywood shows. Yeah, that's what he does. Where's Hollygrove? That's where Lil Wayne's from in New Orleans. Oh, New Orleans? Oh, it's New Orleans. Okay.

It's New Orleans. A fourth person grabbed the mic from me and said Atlanta. Chris Pine, who I thought was you the whole time. Yeah, Chris Pine's sitting right next to me. That's who you've been doing NyQual with all day. NyQual? NyQual. NyQual.

That's what I call it. I pick Animal from the Muppets. Animal from the Muppets. Whatever. He's too sentient. I'll take something else. I just think he's... Is he more man than animal?

But his name's Animal. He's a cartoon. It's not man. It's what he is. Yeah, he doesn't look like a man. Again, he's not a cartoon. The only thing I will say is that sexually... All right, he's a Muppet.

Yeah, yeah. He likes ladies. He says animal, but that's the only thing he says. And he likes ladies. I'm just saying, and it's weird for me to call it out. He also has a job. He does have a job? Listen, you took animal.

Yeah. You domesticate him. Is your domesticated animal, does he talk normally or does he still yell animal out in Spanish? Well, I mean, truthfully, I'd more like to meet him in the middle where I get a little wilder. Okay, you become more feral. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I've been looking for an excuse to go thick anyways. Yeah, yeah. That's what I call it.

Going thick. It's the opposite of going clear. Yeah. Hold this, I'm about to go thick. That'd be a great thing to say before like a fight or something. I'm about to go thick. That'd be a great thing to say before like a fight or something. I'm about to go thick.

What happened with Ian last night? Man, those dudes kept talking shit. He went thick on everybody. He went thick, dude. He went deep into the forest. They fucked with the jukebox with the roost.

Ian went thick. He went thick. Then he went thin. Yeah, they went thin. I don't know what happened he saw gravy he blacked out he browned out everyone who's ever had chicken wing beef showed up

and the roost turned to rubble all scores were settled that night yeah Animal I think it would be fun to just go to a lot of shows I say domesticate but I would really just like to cohabitate. You just want to cohabitate with Animal. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'd teach me the drums. I'd teach him how to love. I get it. He would teach you how to love. Because he's got a lot of the want, but none of the know-how. That's what I think. Animal from the Muppets. All right.

Sean Jordan, tell me your first pick. A lot simpler. A squirrel. Bro, all the animals? Yeah. All the animals animals that's the very first thing i thought about a squirrel very first thing when this when they put that up i was like a squirrel i've always always always wanted a chill mind you chill ass squirrel probably you could get one i imagine they have domesticated squirrels i've they have flying squirrels that you can have in your house, but they are not chill.

Are you talking about sugar babies? Sugar gliders. I want a calm, old cat-style squirrel that will just be there with me. Just a big, fat... Uh-huh. Yep. Just a squirrel that I can pet, I can bring into the grocery store in Portland, stuff like that.

Would it be on your shoulder? No, I'd probably hold it like a cat. Imagine yourself walking. Like in a baby Bjorn? Walking through the depths of Noah's Ark. All of God's creation is laid out before you. Two of

every animal. You peruse from aardvarks to zebras. You walk through all of the animals. Stop saying animals. And Noah says to you, you may have one of these as a pet. It will be loyal.

You'll domesticate it. I go, listen, young bug God, I want that squirrel down there, nephew. Let me get that. Now, are we talking a red squirrel or a gray squirrel? A red squirrel. Give me that red squirrel. Yeah.

All the animals. Red squirrel. Yeah. All the animals. Red squirrel. Yeah. With onions or without? Without. All day. Red squirrel, no onions. Red squirrel, no onions.

All right. Yeah. I've always wanted a domesticated squirrel. Is it the cold medicine that makes me think this is the craziest pick? No. No. It is a wild pick. Yeah.

It was going to be. Honestly, I just went. I feel like you could have gotten squirrel later. I didn't know, though. It is a wild pick. Yeah, it was going to be. Honestly, I just went. I feel like you could have gotten squirrel later. I didn't know, though. And I really wanted it, which seems like something really weird to want. Now, why do you want a squirrel? I just think it'd be awesome. Yeah, they're everything.

Dude, I've always wanted. Have you ever had one eat out of your hands? I have not. They're so elusive. Like, the closest I've got was like Yosemite, but it's like very clear. Don't feed them. And I don't want to be part of the problem. Yeah.

So I just go shit in the woods and get hammered, throw my litter everywhere. Don't feed the squirrels. Leave your JMO bottles in the stream, though. We're probably within 100 feet of a squirrel right now. I'm sure like 50. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've just never got to touch one, which is another weird thing.

I've touched the other animals that maybe have been picked or that will be picked. You have obtainable goals. That's good. The whole garbage fire, dude. It's that weird thing. I've touched the other animals that maybe have been picked or that will be picked. You have obtainable goals. That's good. The whole garbage fire, dude. It's that whole thing. I just... All right. A red squirrel.

Uh-huh. Jesus. All right. Honestly, if you want to get crazy, I'm just thinking like one of the squirrels that you'd see on the palm trees out front.

Would you send it to go do stuff? A gigantic, like a big fat one, of course. Yeah. But really, can't stress this enough, calm, like a lap squirrel. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I want.

I want a squirrel that would just- A therapy squirrel. Can you imagine bringing it on a fucking plane? You know how dank that'd be? Would you have it run over to like the mini mart and like pick up a- Put a little sign on it? Yeah, one little sign, put this on Sean Jordan's tab. Would you like to dance, yes or no no it runs back to the slim jim oh yeah would you like to dance

and then you end up marrying the armenian woman who works there yeah i think this squirrel's gonna do a lot for me this squirrel's probably gonna put the fifth digit in my bank account that ever elusive fifth digit you're getting that fifth digit one day i man it doesn't look like it five digit club you'll get there man i think i'm think it's going to happen next year for me, and I'm very excited. Man, it'd be so, so, so, so, so sweet. Back to taking the heat off the squirrels. I mean, I'd put some stuff on it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You definitely have to put like a little cabbie hat, one of those little cabbie hats on it with a vest. I feel like a squirrel would wear that. One of those newsboy hats that dudes seem what i'm saying yeah by the way dudes i don't know i've never seen it i've never seen it executed well the newsboy hat i think i think did you were you just thinking of telling us that you were about to get a newsboy hat? No. Oh, I thought you were... I thought you were going to be like,

by the way, dudes, I ordered a newsboy hat the other day, and I'm going to need you to be cool about it. I wore a newsboy hat heavily in my teens. A Pendleton. I really enjoyed it, but boy, I did not... So I would wear it with like a t-shirt and shorts. It's like you have to... It's weird. If you're going to wear it, man...

Jacket. Padded elbows. Jacket, padded elbows. You've got to really go for it. Sure. You can't just be shirt and shorts it's like you have to weird you're gonna wear it man jacket you gotta wear jacket padded elbows you gotta really go for it sure you can't just be t-shirt is a crazy also do not let me see you in these streets my kings wearing one of those newsboy hats that's guinness branded oh don't do that don't do that to yourself don't do that to me it's a weird look that's some like hey you haven't seen your cousin Josh in 10 years type shit

this is what your cousin Josh is doing now he shows up talking about how he makes beer in his basement make beer in your basement sure go for it wear newsboy hats

yeah maybe just don't do both and don't have them be branded with a Guinness logo yeah I mean even Kangol's are a touch and go situation have you ever had a Kangol no. I mean, even Kangol's are a touch and go situation.

Have you ever had a Kangol? No, no, no. No. A Kangol's tough. Yeah. I've worn one before. Why? I don't know what happened to that silhouette.

Save that silhouette from when you're older. It's an old guy hat. It's an old guy hat. It's an old guy hat. Don't be 17 with a Kangol. No. What have you done to earn that Kangol? You can't call anyone.

No life experience. If you can't credibly call someone youngblood, don't wear a Kangol. That's a very good barometer. That might be a good rule for it. Yeah. Squirrel. Squirrel. All right.

Squirrel. You guys make me hard. We make you hard? You make me tough. We make you hard. You guys make me tough. Wait, we make you hard? Because you give me shit. But I said it like it was a boner, you hard. You guys make me tough. Wait, we make you hard? Because you give me shit. But I said it

like it was a boner, you see. And nobody else can see, but I'm just sitting here spread eagle looking at both of you. Jogger's a kimbo. He's got a boner. I go, you guys make me hard like you'd say if you were trying to rekindle the flame with your wife after 10 years. You make me hard.

Jessica, you still make me hard. You still make me hard. We're spiking. I bet we're spiking. You make me hard. Just for the listener. Jessica, you still make me hard. You still make me hard. We're spiking. I bet we're spiking. Sorry, Marissa. Just don't leave. Sean's got a boner. The boner is wearing an Isboy hat.

You make me hard. It looks all right. It's not bad. It looks all right. Sean's got an old boner. An old... His boner teaches literature. From the hills of Scotland.

At the University of Iowa. In that building. Yeah. In the building you think it is. Yeah. I've never University of Iowa. In that building. Yeah. In the building you think it is. Yeah. I've never seen anyone come out of that building. It's time for my first pick. Uh-huh.

Squirrel's taken. Squirrel's taken. Squirrel's gone. Oh, shit. If you take Chipmunk, I'm going to drop the mic. I'm not going to take Chipmunk. What I'm going to take is the orca. Yeah. The whale. Yeah. Great move'm going to take is the orca. The camel whale.

Yeah. Great move. Yeah. Great move. Naval superiority. We already know that you can ride them. Well, in this situation, I'm thinking like, yeah, just throw the kids with the orca. They'll be fine.

Yeah. You don't have to worry about it. Let me paint this picture for you. If I can go to a David Bowie, paint the picture. I'd love it. I'd love it. We plan a beach day. Oh, shit.

Oh, like, yeah. Like down at Manhattan Beach or wherever it is we go. Yeah. You know? And it's, you know, you guys, Sharpie, Zach, you know, whoever else is going. And you're like, what time should we meet up? Should we meet at the crib? And I'm like, you guys meet at the crib.

Let's get to the beach around 11. I'll see you there. I'll see you there. I'll see you there. I actually got a meeting beforehand. And then you guys are all like, you know, laying on the beach, got the blankets out. Maybe you're tossing a football around. Sharpie sure is fucking shitty.

All of a sudden, you're like, where's Carmel? He said he's going to be here at 11. It's 11.15. Fucking, where's Carmel, dude? All of a sudden, you see me. You see the top of my head. I was going to gonna say what's your look you see my head oh right the newsboy hat poking out of the water you see gavis brandon newsboy hat poking out of the water you just see my head right and then you see it slowly rising up but from way out so we're like what the fuck is he doing all the way out so you

think i'm just floating out there right but then But then all of a sudden, like, you see him, like, nipples. You see him stalling. You're like, is he in treading water? Is he in a world-class water polo player? No, I'm not. How's he moving so fast?

And I'm fucking coming in hot, dude. But it's the fuck, it's my killer whale, dude. And he's like, and I'm like raising up out of the water. And then all of a sudden, like, you know,

Christ arms. I see it. You know, wide out. And then, you know, orcas can temporarily beach themselves. So it does that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do it. You know, wide out. And then orcas can temporarily beach themselves, so it does that. Oh, really? Yeah, they do it to like hunt seals. It's pretty crazy.

This is like the equivalent of the cool kid pulling up in the high school parking lot in their Mustang. That's how you're pulling up on the beach on your orca. He's got ten Mustangs. I jump off the orca. I land in waste deep water. Yes! Waste deep water. The orca peels off. I high five it with my hand.

It's fin. And it goes back into the water to do whatever it is it gets up to. I'm just like, hey, guys. Did someone bring me a towel? Because mine got lost in the ocean. And I like to think we're like, no, we didn't. And then the orca kicks one up with its tail. And you're just like, do like.

Right out of its blowhole. Yeah, like it's in a plastic bag. The t-shirt cannons me a towel. The no look grab. And you're just like, never out of its blowhole. Yeah, like it's in a plastic bag. The t-shirt cannons me a towel. The no-look grab and you're just like, never mind, I got one. Yuck. When it's swooning. But I do need a shirt. I do need a shirt. Man, an orca would be great.

That, what you just did right there, sounds better than all of Aquaman from what I've seen. And any squirrel adventures I could imagine. Anything that could happen with a squirrel. Listen, we don't need to go there. We're all individuals. Did you know about killer whales before I picked it?

I got the internet. I work at a very prominent children's website where we have songs about killer whales. All right, gentlemen. All right. Oh, man. Emma and I, we were in Portland over the weekend. And shout out to BBC America

for showing a 48-hour Planet Earth marathon. Oh, British Broadcasting Channel. You probably just had some influences. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The British Broadcasting Channel. America.

America. Or not. Either way, you're yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The British Broadcasting Channel. America. Or not. What if it wasn't? Yeah, maybe not. Either way, you're doing good work. 48 hours? Man, we may have watched all 48. It was fantastic.

I love it. It was a lame weekend. Yeah, dude, because it's tight, man. I love it. You can just sit there and zone out. Dude. Get ripped. It prepared me for this draft.

I didn't even know it. Yeah. You didn't see the part about squirrels in there, huh? No, they covered them. The American Squirrel in McKinnon Park in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The American Red Squirrel. If you look, you can see Sean and his friends trying to belt them with tennis balls. And what's this?

A curious customer. The American Red Squirrel scurries up a tree and then back down the tree and then kind of around the tree. The three things it's capable of doing. Can you please use that voice and say, I'm about to finish. I'm about to finish.

I'm about to finish. Yep. Listen, I have a work thing tomorrow. And I need to get some rest. David's outside now. David's in the street with his shirt off. He's with the squirrels. David's outside now. David's in the street with his shirt off. He's with the squirrels. David's outside with fucking... It's just Kim saying, I have a work thing tomorrow.

It's so funny. Also, man, maybe the killer whale ingratiates me to the pod. To their crew. You know? That's right. Their pods. Yeah. And then I introduce them to the podcast.

Wait, what do you mean? I don't know about these pods. The killer whale pods, man. That's what they call them as a pod? Yeah. How many is it, like six to ten? About six to ten, yeah. Could be a little bit less.

You know what they call a big group of squirrels? It's called dink. Whole shitload of them. No, they don't. Sorry, somebody broke in. That's why nobody laughed. Somebody stuck a shotgun in the window and said, nobody laughed.

Yeah, man, I want to kill a whale as a pet. Yeah. Now, some could say they have been domesticated before by SeaWorld. Well, I don't know. Well, aren't they sad? Isn't that why their dorsal fin bends over? It's hella sad.

This one lives in the... Yes, exactlylla sad. This one lives in the... Yes, exactly. Yeah. This one lives in the ocean, right? Yeah, this one lives in the ocean on its own accord. We're not getting into a blackfish situation. No. Yeah, you guys just kick it sometimes.

Yeah, we just kick it sometimes. No, in this scenario, these animals have the same life, any life you'd want them to have. Agency. Yeah. Kilo Whale. So I got my water game covered. Got your water game. I got to get my ground.

That's how I'm doing it, too. Yeah. I got to get my ground game covered. I got got my water game covered. Got your water game. I got to get my ground. That's how I'm doing it, too. I got to get my ground game covered. I have my public park area covered. I'm going with the black rhino. Ooh. Yeah. Which might be extinct now.

Somewhere. It's in that neighborhood. It must be. I mean. Anyway. We got the. Anywhere. Like, if I have to go more than five miles, I'm taking an Uber.

If I have to go less than five miles. That's a an Uber. If I have to go less than five miles... That's a good... That's perfect. I'm pulling up in my Rhino. How far is the roost? Well within Rhino distance. Dude, the roost is like... Well within Rhino distance.

About a Rhino's away is what they say. That's what that door guy says, about a Rhino away. I'm not getting a DUI on a Rhino, because the Rhino's doing the driving. I don't think Rhinos drink, and even if they do... They don't get drunk. Whatever. It's just every movie I've ever seen where someone drives a rhino, I'm into it.

Ace Ventura. Cut hot in these rhinos. When he comes crawling out of its asshole, I'll never see that without falling on the ground laughing. It's so funny. Just a grown man climbing out of a rhino's asshole. Does he take his clothes off? He's naked, right?

Yeah, he comes out naked. And then he just gets out of the car. No, he's sitting there. He's like, kind of hot in these rhinos. Like, that's anything you'd ever say? Fuck yeah. Fucking in 300, they have like a war rhino, and that's always seemed tight to me.

Yeah. Yes. Fucking, I think in Black Panther, don't they have like a war rhino and that's always seemed tight to me. Yeah. Fucking Black Panther, don't they have like a war rhino or something? Are they smart too? A rhino's pretty smart. I don't know, man. I just need it to be smart enough to go from point A to point B. That's true. And it can do that.

I saw a picture of a rhino without its horn the other day. It made me so sad. That's real sad. Mine'll have a horn. Double horn. For sure. Pure white, like the driven snow. And I'm going to get a variety of, like, you know what they put on the end of golf clubs? Oh, like the club chamois?

Yeah, I'm going to get, like, a lot of those for its horn. Yeah. You should get a Blazers one. I'll probably get a Blazers one. Oh, it's got two horns. You get CJ and Dame. Just get them a couple jerseys. There we go, yeah.

Little CJ and Dame. Little rh them a couple jerseys. There we go, yeah. Little CJ and Dame. Little rhino horn koozies. I'll probably get one of me, like a flag with my face that I hang from its big horn so when it's really hauling ass, there's like a little me flag. Me, bro.

Just waving to the wind. Just in case, like, you look at that flag, you're like, oh, damn, that's Ian Carmel's face. And you look back two feet, oh, that's Ian Carmel. Oh, shit.

He's on that fucking rhino, dude. He's on that rhino. Yeah. Hell yeah. And the way I'd write it is i have its reins just wrapped around each of my middle fingers because both my middle fingers are up the whole time i'm riding it i like that just to let people know let them know you're on a rhino yeah man you guys are doing different things than i was doing right now i was sitting here thinking like what am i doing on the couch with this animal? I got to switch things up.

No, no. I just feel you pull up for a date, you know, and the girl's like. Oh, man. Pull up on a ride. Pull up for anything. Pull up for a job interview. Yeah. Pull up for a job interview and you're a rhino?

You remember when CeeLo wore that weird gold outfit and, like, pulled up in a convertible to, like, the Emmys or the Oscars or the Grammys or whatever? It's because he couldn't get a rhino for the night. He couldn't get a rhino. Yeah. I have one. So I'm getting in. I'm like CeeLo.

Yeah. Rhinos. Sean? That's tight. Well, building on the, I'll just remind you what you drafted so far. Yeah, just a recap. You like to fucking kill a rhino? Just a quick, we usually wait until the end to do recaps,

but it's been so hot and heavy so far. So far, you have a squirrel. Holy buckets. Yeah, I had to switch my shit up. Squirrel's what you've got so far. It was a bull. Listen, I'm going to stand by it. The internet might give me some heat.

I don't give a shit. I'm excited about my squirrel pick. Okay. The second pick is going to be, I'm going to cover winter winter since i do like myself a winter situation i'm all these are probably drastically different than a squirrel but i'm gonna pick a snow leopard ah for the winter with its big fat tail and it would just be yeah they do have big fat big tails and i'm just i can't stop thinking about how fun it would be to like

cuddle with a giant cat like that but also also I'm just thinking about those late night walks from Tommy Jack's back to my mom's house where the snow leopard would be staying with me. I wouldn't be looking for trouble, but I wouldn't not be looking for trouble. You wouldn't be running from it. I'd walk by the top bed and I'd poke in and be like, hey, is that bartender here that kicked me out

like 10 years ago when Adam and I stole like 30, 12 packs of beer? They should have kicked us out. they'd say yeah and I'd be like that's my snow leopard back there what's his name the snow leopard

Licky Boom Boom Down Licky Boom Boom Down the snow leopard yeah of the Himalayan of the Himalayan of the Himalayan boom boom dance

oh who's that that's Licky Boom Boom Down it says can the snow leopard's entire name be the entire lyrics from Informer? Take the man to see, sit at him, he's no mistop. Swim on out of the lane. Illiki Boom Boom Down.

Informer, you know, sit at him, he's no mistop. You're going to blame. Illiki Boom Boom Down. Take the man to see, sit at him, he's no mistop. Swim on out of the lane. Illiki Boom Boom Down. Man, I can't remember the end of the chant part. For the listeners, just to be clear that was not that was

that was actually snow this time snow lives with us now man i used to know every single lyric to that song that that's with sir daddy right yeah he calls himself sir daddy so that's what the snow leopard's name should be sir daddy should be sir Daddy. Sir Daddy the Snow Leopard. Sir Daddy. Yeah. Yeah, he does. Because what's he say? The whole song is about him, how this detective saw him stab someone. He said he saw him. Yeah, he's like- He said he stabbed him.

Detective man said he saw Sir Daddy Me Snow stab someone down the lane. I like you, boom, boom, boom. Sir Daddy Me Snow. Yeah. You know. The detective man said he saw Sir Daddy, me, Snow. What? My favorite song about that is when they put him in the back of the car at the station.

From that point on, I reached my destination. When that destination reached another East attention. Pulled out me pants, look up me bottom. Because he looked up his butt. Oh, yeah, to make sure he didn't have a knife. Another knife? I don't know. Another knife?

Me chilling out cool with my sticky, sticky pals. How's it go? Police knock my door, rough up my pals. Pick me up and I can't do a thing. Pick up my line when my telephone rings. They got me in a corner, backed in a trap, slapped me in the face, took all of my get. They had no clues and they want to get warmer

but sham won't turn and form. Now it's something like that. But yeah, that's the Snow Leopard's name. So you got a snow leopard, dude. It's most of the lyrics. Or Sir Daddy for short. I put that tiny little G.I. Joe that also had a snow leopard on his collar.

And I have my name engraved in it and my phone number just in case he gets lost. It's a busy collar. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, I'm just picturing him just kind of walking me home from behind. And then I go into the store and he's like, no, you get it. You go into the store and you're all right. I'll be out here. I'm a snow leopard.

I'm not going anywhere. Or if a snow leopard wants to come in, who's going to tell him no? Yeah. Do you tell a snow leopard he can't have a pint of eggnog? Yeah. Steven, who works at the popular Midwestern gas station change called Come and Go, I don't think he's going to stop him. Yeah, you're going to come and tell my snow leopard something.

Oh, no. Speaking of that, speaking of eggnog, what if your snow leopard got real fat? It would. It would? Because you don't know how to feed it, so you're like, egg to feed it so you're like eggnog yeah he likes eggnog and cheese right

he's a snow leopard so he lives where it's cold which means it's always Christmas so he probably just eats eggnog yeah hey sir daddy I got you another bowl of eggnog over here

another bowl of eggnog for sir daddy coming right up that sounds like something I want someone to say to someone this holiday season and nobody will sir daddy

I got you a bag I mean if the roost if the roost has eggnog you'll hear it I feel like there could be that could be a lot of want someone to say to someone this holiday season and nobody will. Sir Daddy, I got you a bad boy. I mean, if the roost has eggnog, I feel like that could be a lot of bad situations where that's going on. Hey, Sir Daddy, we got you some eggnog. Noog. Damn. Eggnog.

They have big tails, snow leopards, for balance. Yeah, bushy tails. Big, fluffy, bushy tails. It's for balance so they can hop along the crags. So they're, you know, Sir Daddy and whatever the fuck my squirrel's name is Yeah, bushy tails. Big, fluffy, bushy tails. It's for balance, so they can hop along the crags. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're Sir Daddy and whatever the fuck my squirrel's name is are playing with each other.

God. Squirrel. What a jump. That was a crazy jump. Well, you guys are going hard in the paint. Of course you should. I don't know why I didn't, because I never do. Yeah, is this your first draft?

Yeah, man. I am on cold medicine. This is like my 70th. I should be well in. Maybe even more than that. Yeah, it could be more than that. Squirrel. The Jays win. It's time for your second and third picks. My second pick,

so I gotta take it to the sky. A lot of you guys look this up. Be ready. A pterosaur? P-T-E R-O-S-A-U-R. Are you taking a dinosaur? Fuck yeah, I'm taking a dinosaur. Not only a dinosaur, what is to believe to be the largest flying animal ever lived. It's extinct.

So, what? So, is that? I thought we. It wasn't in there. I guess it hasn't been specified. I thought it wasn't in there I guess it hasn't been specified we didn't cross this bridge I if dinosaurs are on the table I

thought we could do any animal I still would have taken squirrel and snow leopard alright pterosaur yeah look it up this thing looks like a flying giraffe. It's huge. Right when I looked it up, it was this. Right when you go, is that extinct?

I'm looking at it like, it'd be gnarly if this wasn't extinct. No, it's, but like. That'd be like watching a fucking, like, I guess, an Apache helicopter that was alive. Yeah. Flying through the sky. Yeah, that's about the size of it. It's like a buffalo with wings.

Yeah. Like if a helicopter could just make its own decisions and fly down and eat you if it wanted to. Are we... I mean, I got other ones on here. I mean, it being extinct... I mean, if we're taking extinct animals, they're really...

It swings the barn door wide. That's... I mean, let all the horses out. I think... I say take the pterosaur sure after this no more extinct creatures and the only reason i'm letting you take the pterosaur is because it sounds like terror squad yeah and this is you know oh i'd teach it to lean back okay good all right as long as it's got the TS necklace. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's pun in the terrorists.

I'm going to go broke making that Terror Squad Terror Sword chain. That's like 30 pounds of gold. I'm going to teach you to say that because it's still a bird. Rez is having a blast with this one. She just throws the headphones on the ground like I'm never leaving them alone ever again. Next time he's got a fucking flu, they can skip a week. No way.

This is gangster shit. I love it. Terrorsaur. So tell us what there is to know about Ter david tell us about the pterosaur oh it's the largest living they think it's the largest living or it's not living largest flying animal that to ever have existed yeah it looks like the way it has short back legs and long long front legs and then a wingspan of like 40 50 feet it like it looks like if a giraffe had giant wings and i think are crazy it's right they're nuts right and man i pull up with one of those or just like because now i'm not gonna have to pay to fly anywhere i got a pterosaur i gotta i gotta i gotta saddle on it oh they actually lived as recently as 228 million years ago yeah that's not that bad

66 million years ago they could have been right here no more than 220 million years ago right where we're at yeah i mean you know i thought we were just i thought we were wiling tonight i'm sorry i think it would be great to have a winged dinosaur when i was a kid i don't know if any of you guys read these books, but they were called Dinotopia. Yes. Love Dinotopia. And do you remember the flyer guys were like their own section of the society,

like they didn't mix with the rest of everybody, and they wrote on pterodactyls. So I want that except big man stuff. This has nothing to do with anything, but if you were to put cough medicine or, say, like liquor in a bong and then smoke weed, would that do more to you than just smoking the weed with water in it? There is a bong

on the table. That's why I thought of it. And we've been talking about cough medicine. When I was in college, I used to smoke weed with this dude named Caesar. I bought by that for a second. Yeah, it looks exactly like that. We did it with Caesar salad dressing. Just all... Ground up a bunch of anchovies.

I always... Just quick sidebar. I always wondered what would happen if you soda streamed a bunch of broth. Would you get the... Wait, what's a soda stream? It's that thing that makes soda. Carbonate?

Oh, I don't know. Would you have carbonated soup? You'd have... Whoa. I've thought the same thing about chocolate milk. Oh, yeah. Man. Can you get one of these?

Yeah. Can they sponsor us, whoever they are? Soda stream? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we know people who love soda stream. thought the same thing about uh chocolate milk oh yeah man can you get one of these yeah can they sponsor us whoever they are soda stream yeah yeah i mean we know people hit us up soda stream yeah hit us up soda stream we got some moves big moves you think that gravy bubbles when it's hot put it in a soda stream we're gonna need a few of them because it sounds like we're gonna break we're gonna break a couple of. But we will be the team doing like hot sauce, carbonated hot sauce. You don't know about that. Nobody knows. Nobody's ready. Hell no. But that's the whole market.

Effervescence. So it wouldn't like mess you up anymore though? What do you mean? If you put like cough medicine in there, you wouldn't like catch any of that in the weed? I don't think so. I don't know. It just seems like it would look so fun too. Because you're not trying to ever get bong water in your mouth. At all. Quite the opposite.

Bong water sucks. I remember when we were kids, you'd always hear rumors of kids drinking the bong water, but I never even... Definitely not. Rumors, man. I've done it a time or two. Oh, what? Really?

I mean, if we're being honest. That's Harley. I used to do... God, this shit is embarrassing, man. I'd go, oh, whatever. The listeners deserve it. I shit my pants in the middle of the Hawthorne Bridge. I shit my pants on my block.

I would go... As a grown-up. I shit my pants on the bus one time. Then at Katie's house one time. Kevin Durant's house? I used to go up... Huh? Kevin Durant's house.

Katie's house. Katie. I was actually a young Kane in Menace at KD. I shit my pants at the card table with Sam Jackson. What do you think? I used to go up to the bar and ask them for New Jersey turnpikes or freeway shots, they'd call them, where they just dump the spill mat out, and then people would put cigs out in them, and I'd just knock them back. It's like playing King's Cup.

I don't know what, well, you know. Yeah,'s like playing King's Cup. I don't know what... Yeah, I know what it is, but I don't. The residual effects of that include drafting a squirrel with a fist pick. You're lucky you didn't go blind. Yeah, dude. Legally blind, I almost went deaf once. Rumpelmints. Oh, God, man. Rumpelmints is the worst.

Don't you still kind of enjoy rumpelmints every now and again? I'm not going to say in that gutter, though. Yeah, yeah. I don't want Rumpelmintz every now and again? Yeah, I like a Rumpelmintz shop. I'm just saying, like, in that gutter, though. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, they're so annoying. I don't want Rumpelmintz in anything. I don't want anything named after a turnpike. Yeah, New Jersey turnpike.

Oh, New Jersey turnpike, yep, yep. Pterosaur. Oh, yeah, pterosaur. And your third pick? So now my third pick, take it back to the ground. Okay. I want, like, a big-ass moose. Okay.

Oh, fuck. Like a big-ass giant Canadian moose. That goes head to head with my rhino pick. Oh, yeah. Because he's in like, just like, I'm talking huge antlers. Like just a big old Alaskan moose. That is an amazing pick. It would be so great.

That's perfect. Man, you've been on mooses too. You've been on a moose kick. I've been, yeah, I've been on mooses too. You've been on a moose kick. Yeah, I've been watching moose fights on YouTube. Damn, can you imagine you and me rolling down the street, fucking moose, rhino, Sean's there with a squirrel.

I'm just being like, hey, you guys should take life a little slower, man. My squirrel's holding my thermos full of hot cocoa for me. We both got a sweater on. We don't need him. But I'm like, you guys need to chill. I mean, that's the thing about my moose is he's mad cumbersome.

Yeah, I mean, you can't take a moose into a lot of places. Yeah, and I mean, we're working on legislation to change that. Do you have lines like where you've got to park him outside and you're like, can't take my moose anywhere these days? Get to chuckle at everyone at the general store? That's true. That's true. Maybe I take him

to the Hollywood Bowl, put him on the lawn. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? We just sit there and eat grapes together. Anytime a Canadian band comes through.

Oh, for sure. My moose loves Rush. Yeah. Moose. It eats bull rushes and it loves the band Rush. It loves the band Rush. That Call Me Baby girl.

I think we would like, we'd take on food challenges together like man versus food versus beast you and the moose easily eat three pounds of tacos but it's like the ratios might surprise you who's eating what

my moose has never paid for pho but yeah giant ass moose dude a big ass moose would be so fun Emma told me that there ass moose. Dude, a big ass moose would be so fun. It'd be so fun. Emma told me that there's moose in Idaho. So now that I'm spending more time in Idaho, if I don't see a moose... You will.

Do you want to see a moose? Yes. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. From a huge distance. I mean, I don't know. Do they attack people? If their mood is right.

I think if you get up in their grill, they do. You doing a lot of sunrises when you're there? Because I think that's moose time. Sunrise? Yeah, I think so. Is that moose time? El Boogie would know, but they saw like a bunch of mooses when they were...

Is it moose? Remember that Regan joke? Meeson. They were in Alaska. Shit, was it in Alaska? I think they were just in Alaska and they saw a shitload of moose. Mooses.

Shout out to Portugal, the man. That's all I have to say about Alaska. I hope I see a fucking moose, though. That would be great. If I see a moose, I'll try to tame it. I'll put my hand out and go, ha! Easy there, buddy. Okay.

Okay. You got to speak kind of clearly. Okay there. Holden Molson. Molson, no. Molson, big fella. speak kind of killer. Okay there. Holden Molson. Molson, no. Molson, big fella. Molson, no. Second city there, boss. Saskatoon.

Saskatoon. Dan Aykroyd. Madison Hat. Madison Hat. Madison Hat, good boy. That's the noise they make. Madison. Camas. Oh, no. Oh, that's in that. Good boy. That's the noise they make. Man, it's in. Camas.

Oh, no. Oh, that's in Washington. Camas. Is Camas in Oregon or Washington? Oregon. Camas. Oregon. Christ, Ian.

Nothing to see here, folks. Do you guys have moose in Oregon? No, not that far south. No, I don't think so. I saw moose. Only in underground moose fighting ranks. You said that and I got so scared. Just even at the possibility.

You have to have it in a high school gymnasium. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. I saw a moose one time with your boy, Pat Jordan. We were on a big long road trip where he was supposed to be sober. Supposed to be. Two key words in that sentence the whole time. Anyway, he was driving. It was sunrise because we drove all night so we could get to jackson hole so we could get hammered with my uncle bill

well we saw a moose at sunup and he almost smoked it wow i remember it that would have fucked your host what were you driving uh his blue is like light blue like 87 blazer which is one of the best you're about to get 86 out of that blazer yeah it was tight man it was just like sun's coming up and we were at the fo is one of the best cards. I still think the Blues would have fucked it up. You're about to get 86 out of that blazer. I'll tell you that. Yeah, it was tight, man. It was just like sun's coming up, and we were at the foothills of the Rockies, so the Grand Tetons were in the back, and it was pretty amazing. I remember it. I think I remember.

You know, I have my memory of it. Huh? Did it have antlers? Big old, we call them a rack, but yeah, it had a big old rack, bro. It would have been over for you. Tetons, a rack, we get it. Oh, yeah, we would have been. You'd lose that fight. Yeah, it's huge, right? We would have been the Jordans that are both buried in De Smet, is what we would have been over for you we get it oh yeah we would have been we would have been uh you lose that fight

yeah it's huge right they're both buried in desmet is what we would have been or no de graff they're so big they're just so big like i watch them on the internet and like pictures of them they're so they're so big they're bigger than you think it's one of those things where it's like nature's great like you see that thing and it's

like fuck it and they seem so calm. You know what I mean? Well, like who's fucking with a moose, you know? Yeah, I'm a moose. That would be a fun, that'd be another fun little catchphrase. You like stole your moose outside of a house party, like nature's crazy, huh? Yeah. And then you just walk in and grab a beer and then leave?

No, somebody tosses me a beer. I pop it open on his antler. Yeah. Give one to him, they toss me another one, I pop it open in my mouth, and then slam it. And so is nurture. You know, that's when you slam one. Whiskey for David, and beer for my mooses.

Is that how the lyrics of that song go? Beer for my horses? Yeah. Whiskey for my man. Or no. We raise up our hands against evil forces. Is that that Toby Keith song? Whiskey for my man.

Or beer for my. Or whiskey for my man. I don't know that song. And beer for my horses. It's right. It's right. I don't know that song. I don't know it either.

I'll tell you this. On Red Dead, you can't give beer to a horse. So I don't know. That song might be dub know it either. I'll tell you this. On Red Dead, you can't give beer to a horse. So I don't know. That song might be dubious. Sean, time for your third pick. My third pick is going to be a panda bear. Great pick. Yeah.

I like that it can hang on my back is kind of what I'm going for with this. Oh, you want a little panda. No. Well, I don't know. How big do you think? I don't know how big. Well, there's a giant panda, I guess. That's the only panda.

The panda you were thinking of is the giant panda. Really? I thought there was like, okay, then yeah, giant panda. Because I just know they're vicious, too. Are they vicious? Yeah, panda bears are gnarly. And that's kind of one of the things. They don't seem like it, but they're fucking gnarly.

And it just seems like it'd be fun to have one. I mean, they're bears, right? Yeah. And it'd also just be fun to have sitting in the corner like a beanbag. Just kind of sitting in the corner. Hey, Rico! It would be every... Wow!

Wow! Why do you laugh? That's how... Wow! Hey, you guys, check this out. Check this out. Hey, Rico! Huh?

He's just got a perfect grip on whatever 40 I put in his hand. He's wearing a blue bandana because, once again, a crib. Hey, dude, where's Sir Daddy at? Go get Sir Daddy some eggnog. That's what I'd be saying to Rico. Rico's just holding the eggnog for Sir Daddy all the time. And then, you know, that squirrel's hanging out. Yeah, I just think it'd be fun.

They're cute. Just a fun... Yeah, I just think it'd be fun. They're cute. Just a fun... I'm also like I'm going with... I've never seen one even, I don't think. They shit 40 times a day. Really? Yeah. Dude.

What do they eat? Rico lives outside. They eat bamboo. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. They just eat bamboo and then they shit 40 times a day. Are you a panda bear?

Huh? Today? I wish. I wish it was only 40. Oh, dude. Adult giant pandas have few natural predators other than humans. That's why I'm gonna fucking...

Think about that. Young cubs are vulnerable to attacks by snow leopards. Oh, shit. No way. Whoa. Really? You got set tripping. Dude, we living it.

No. Set tripping, bro. Shit, I got a vice lord and a folk in the same house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I shot them to get along. All skin folk ain't killing them. What did you say? All skin folk ain't killing them?

I've never heard that. Oh, that's a saying. Oh, you goddamn better be. No, that's, man. A panda would be fun. Because they're slow moving for the most part, right? So it's just kind of like around the house. Pandas weigh about 245 pounds.

That's not crazy. Nice, dude. No, that isn't. That's like me when I moved to Portland. No. A little more than that. You guys could wrestle each other. That's like me when I moved to Portland. No. A little more than that. You guys could wrestle each other. Are they lazy?

Sure, it's pretty chill. Although, have you seen them play in the snow? With Sir Daddy? Yeah, with Sir Daddy. No, but pandas play in the snow. It's pretty cute shit. Yeah, they're super cute. And they're also super cute.

Well, all animals are cute babies. Maybe not mooses, but all the other animals are cute babies. Oh, pandas are not cute babies. Pandas are weird little pink things. Are they butt ugly? Oh, I've seen them before. They look like naked mole rats. They look like what you would think.

Who's the actor who played Red Foreman on that 70s show? Oh, I don't know. The guy that killed Robocop. What do you imagine his penis looks like? That's what a baby panda looks like. Just a weird pink thing. Just angry. Bald.

His penis is ready to ground his nutsack or something. Panda bear. Weird little pink soft things. I don't know why I thought red for him, but listen, man. Hey, you're tripping, dude. You're day tripping. I'm not set tripping. I'm over here set tripping.

I apologize. You're on a quill. Rocking that quill. One more spoon of cough syrup now. Time for my third and fourth picks. Is that right? Is that right? As it is a Serpentine draft.

As it is a Serpentine draft. With my third pick, I'm going to take a queen bee. Oh, I got an insect too. Yeah. A domesticated queen bee. I'm taking a queen bee. Oh, I got an insect too. Yeah. A domesticated queen bee. I'm taking a queen bee. That sounds fun. Because you control the queen.

You control the hive. Uh-huh. So you just have all the kind of bees. Well played. Yeah. Well played. So not only do I control agriculture in a given region, you know, because bees are essential for...

You know a lot about bees. Yeah. I've been bottling up on bees my girlfriend's a beekeeper yeah i was getting that m arnold was a beekeeper i used to be a sea keeper back in the day what was the sea stand for i don't i didn't plan it that far crippling i was gonna say i was the sea keeper dude i'm the one that got beat in se i'm a sea keeper because I got a killer whale. Yeah, I was a beekeeper, but I would've seen a keeper like S-E-A. Yeah, S-E-A

keeper. Then I would just control a hive of bees. We were in a skate park one time. Production, I assume, would be on you. I don't know what was happening. We were at the skate park one time and we saw... You remember things, maybe how they didn't happen, but in my mind, this is what happened.

Big fish. We just saw... Seriously, but we saw a huge cloud of bees. We didn't know it was bees. We thought it was birds. It was huge, like half the sky. And it just came flying at us, and it didn't attack us, but it went what felt like 20 feet above our heads for five or six seconds.

That's terrifying. It seemed like hundreds of thousands of bees just flying. Could this be during the killer bee thing? No, but we should look into that, because I want to know if that happens. Wu-Tang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a gravel pit on it? It was Wu-Tang.

This was when the gravel pit was coming out, right? Yeah, this would be driving to high school every day when I was a sophomore listening to gravel pit. Mystery unraveling. As we go. It was Wu-Tang. This was when Gravel Pit was coming out, right? Yeah, this is me driving to high school every day when I was a sophomore listening to Gravel Pit. A mystery unraveling. As we go. Wu-Tang is a CD that I travel with. That was a weird song. Yeah, it was.

I love that song. I fucking love that song. I like the video. Back and forth and forth. Yeah. Does that have Pinky Ring on it? What? That same album that had Pinky Ring on it?

Pinky Ring? I don't remember. Pinky Ring. My album that had pinky ring on it? Pinky ring? I don't remember. Pinky ring. My squirrel's name, pinky ring. Pinky ring. I don't know my panda's name yet. Something Chinese, probably. We got time.

Something Mandarin. Yeah. It could be Mandarin the panda. Call him Jet Li, dude. Tony Jaa? Yeah. I think Tony Jaa's Thai. Jet Li, bro.

Okay, Jet Li, my panda Jet Li. Yeah. My squirrel pinky ring, and my snow leopard, Sir Daddy. You know, Sir Daddy, me. Snow. So, for the layman. First of all, I'm sitting there minding my own business, and then Detective Man. Who?

Detective Man. No, who was minding his own business? Oh, Sir Daddy, me, Snow. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sir Daddy me Snow you know

it's having that conversation when there's only one person because you can't look at all the other people and say all your different names Sir Daddy me Snow

I have bees dude so I could even like if I want to start up a farm all of a sudden I got bees doing all the pollination for me and natural honey which is a nice thing

if I want to attack either of you you know I hope it never happens. I hope not either. I hope it never comes up. Let me frame that better. If somebody attacks us.

There we go. There we go. You know, swarm of bees. Bees! You know. And also if you need a quick getaway. Oh yeah.

Oh, they can just like carry you. Like a bee wall. Yeah. Okay. Well, they can't carry you, but I'll create a bee wall

and I beat a hasty getaway. Listen, Sean, don't be a fucking idiot. I don't think they can carry you. I'll create a bee wall and I'll be the hasty getaway. Listen, Sean, don't be a fucking idiot. I don't think they could carry me. I don't know how many. It depends on how many bees you get. I don't think they could carry me.

Well, what if they made like a honey, like hardened honey sort of chariot situation and carried that? Bees, dude. Bees. Bees, bro. Bees, dog. Bees, bro. Bees, dude. Pandas, dude. But bees, bro bees dog bees bro bees dude pandas dude but bees bro but bees shout out to that dude that brought me that me bro shirt in san francisco by the way i forget instagram me about that again

because i've told him i'd send him a photo of all this wearing it and uh i have not and i forgot who sent it so bees bro bees dog bees is a good move okay queen, queen bee. Queen bee. Can I control the bees? Now I need for surreptitious activities. I don't know what that means. Just for when I need shit to happen on the Damlo. Okay, alright. I'm taming

a spider monkey. Yeah, yeah. That's a utility player. I need a utility player. What do you want from Ralph's, dude? We were watching Planet Earth, and they had a section on spider monkeys. Oh, was that the city one? I think it might have been the city. I forget which one it was.

That one's crazy. It might have been the city one, but I was sitting there watching it, and I was like, I could use a spider monkey in my life. Oh, my God, dude. Every now and then, that kind of thing would come up. Because it could get into anywhere. Yeah. It's got long arms.

It'd be fun to... Watching it would make me laugh. You know? I'd just be looking at my fucking spider monkey, dude. It'd be like... Just over there. Because its arms would be on the top of the door and its feet would be on the bottom.

And I'd be like, how is that a thing? Yeah. You know? How big is a spider monkey? Big. Big enough. I thought they were like... No, spider monkeys are big, man. Oh, it's like a monkey monkey. I'm i thought they were like no spider monkeys are big man

oh it's like a monkey monkey i'm thinking like the little fun monkeys no no like a lemur yeah that's what i'm thinking of i think i think i think i got a lemur in here talking about spider monkeys they're pretty big they're uh uh yeah whoa mr cough medicine i got it uh Yeah. Mr. Cough Medicine does that. I got it. Oh, anchor girl. Oh, God. Someone just got in an accident. Yeah.

Anchor girl. It was me. Oh, yeah. That's what I was saying when I was pooping my pants on the bus. God damn. If I saw that. God. Like, just you. they only weigh like 25 pounds so they are pretty small what are they like as big as a coffee table or probably yay big uh dude i don't know yeah they're dank they're dank though they're done they're fairly they're fairly large yeah

and they're fairly large uh anyway dude i got a large? Anyway, dude, I got a spider monkey. So just when you think you're safe, I got a spider monkey. I don't know why we're fighting. I'm going back to that where we're fighting. Yeah, it's not the animal fight. We're hanging out. We're at a barbecue. We're chilling.

Everyone's like, why is Ian seething in the corner over there? I'm so mad. He's got all these bees flying around everyone. There's kids here. Everyone's like, why is Ian seething in the corner over there? He's got all these bees flying around everyone. There's kids here. He thought this was a different kind of party. I'm just sitting on a rhino, sitting on my knees. He knows we got PBR, and he's got a bottle of NyQuil in each hand. Just pissed.

Sitting on a rhino? That's so tight. Oh, man. Sitting on a rhino is the best shit to pout. I don't want to chill. I don't have to chill. And my fucking rhino doesn't want to chill either. So why don't you fucking chill? Do you, Octavius?

When you're telling me to chill, you're telling us to chill, bro. And we don't chill. We make the rules. If I wanted to chill, I'd be chill right now. we don't chill we make the rules if i wanted to chill i'd be chill right now believe me we came here to do two things eat every fucking hot link on that grill beat some ass and this rhino ate every fucking hot link on that grill so after i beat my rhino's ass i'm coming for you man you fly no flag at this barbecue. The rhino won't fight back because you did the nickel for him at San Quentin.

Oh, man. That's how this whole thing happened? Rhino's like, hey, man, Ian does what he does, but he didn't snitch and he could have snitched. That rhino was running heroin.

Wasn't doing anything violent. Heroino. Spider monkey. I feel like I violent heroin oh spider monkey I feel like I can send the spider monkey to Ralph's right now and it would come back with like some sandwich ingredients

you know oh yeah I'd be quick about it they're from the streets man they live in their car they know how to do it cheap and they know how to get food that'll get you there

Sean what did their food do it was it was a cold cut that tastes great, and it got you there. It was a nice little sandwich. They bring home some rolls with it, some Hawaiian sweets. No, you roll. Okay.

You flip it. So you can look this up if you want, but I think you'll know what it is. It's the superb bird of paradise. Oh, yeah. So it's a bird. It's a smaller bird, but it like, it does this peacocking thing. And it looks like it's got a huge blue robot smile going across its black, like mane that it peacocks out and it bounces around all quick.

Yeah. Just, uh, that's my entertainment. That's, that's the one where I'm like, I feel like we've talked about Crips a lot, but like, it's like a bird Crip walking, you know? I have seen this before. It's in one of the Planet Earths, but it's just, when I saw walking. I have seen this before. It's in one of the Planet Earths but it's just, when I saw that I was like get the fuck out of town. That's real, that thing.

It is so sick. I could just do it on the coffee table like if I was bummed out. Do it again. Ian's got a crip sign when he's doing it too. Grip one. Grip one. Can I gang? Can I gang?

Can I gang? I am fan of this gangster shit. It's the motherfucking things I get. Fucking bird of paradise. Yeah. Yeah. I just like them. I think they're dope looking. They're cute.

And they can do that thing where it looks like they're fake, which not a lot of animals. Yeah. Yeah. I just like them. I think they're dope looking. They're cute. And they can do that thing where it looks like they're fake, which not a lot of animals can do. Yeah. Where? I tried can't do it 100% real. It can't be fake. I don't even try. What happened with birds, man?

That's so weird. What happened? They evolved in such weird ways. Birds are so weird. aren't they the oldest ones well that's what they say dinosaurs turned into is birds yeah um so they just been around it's probably they know the most efficient way to hang out in this mother birds just do wild shit like uh like the bird of paradise is a bird and so yeah well i don't want to name a bunch of birds i don't think anyone's gonna take a stork though you know la Laura said there's a bird that can stay in the air for four months, I think.

There's a bird that can stay in the air for years. Really? And I might pick it. So watch your P's and Q's. Riding thermals? If you guys don't fucking... You know, watch your P's and Q's means watch your pints and quarts. Is that really true?

It means don't get too drunk. Watch your pints and quarts. That's one of those who knows what it really means, but that's one of the theories. They should just have that written on the door of the roost. I thought it meant watch your Prussians and quarrelsome... That's what it means.

Quataris. Quataris. Prussians and Qataris. Your Cutterns. You know about them? No, I don't. Oh, okay. I don't know anything about them.

Cutter. I don't know much about much. Bird of Paradise would be tight, but I'm just saying birds are weird, man. They evolved in a way where it's like, look at how big my ass feathers are. They also are the ones that fuck with us the least. Yeah. Yeah. I feel very little connection to birds. I don't feel any.

I feel like you're for the sky, I'm for the ground. You know what's weird is when someone's a bird person, my buddy Dan Hubner growing up really liked parakeets. Adam Hayden, Caden Holland is a bird watcher. He's a big bird watcher. Yeah, he's a birdman. Of course he is. Yeah, he's huge into it.

You know, what's weird to me is we all call them bird watchers, right? Yeah. They refer to themselves as birders. Birders? Birders? Birders? Birders. I'm themselves as birders. Birders? Birders? Birders? Birders. I'm a birder.

Birders. Birders. Hello, this is my new boyfriend. He's a birder. Sir Daddy Birder. Sir Daddy Birder. Sir Bird of Birders. Lager Bird.

Ruth Bird of Ginsburg. Birder was the case that they gave me. I'm innocent. Bird of Paradise. Birder in the first yeah uh david turn for your oh fourth and final picks as it is a serpentine draft you know there's only three of us these things fly by so fourth i'm going to the water but i'm not gonna ian went to the sea the sea is too much for me i'm not i'm not i'm not a swimmer like that i'm not i'm not an ocean guy i want to went to the sea the sea is too much for me i'm not i'm not i'm not a swimmer like that i'm not i'm not an ocean guy i want to stick to the rivers and the lakes that i'm used to so i'm picking a hippopotamus yeah that was on the list yeah that was just that would be great

and that was i feel like it would be so fun to have in like let's say like we could take a hippo domesticated yeah we go to the lake how much fun we're gonna have take a hippo domesticated. Yeah. We go to the lake. You know how much fun we're going to have with my hippo at the lake? Yeah, a lot. He'd be like a floating dock in the middle. You could swim out to him and like jump off of him and stuff. Yeah, true. You could get in their mouth. I mean, you could keep stuff in their mouth.

Yeah, yeah. You know, we're doing a river float and it's like, hey, can I get a beer? And like your hippo's just like. Was their mouth as big as like that fucking chair that David's in? Yeah, it's like huge. That's where we keep the cooler. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I know what you mean. With the loose grapes floating in it. Yeah. And that's fun for him, too. Yeah.

I think it would be just fun to, yeah, a hippo would be fun because they're so big but so good in the water. They're so mean, too. But like, mine was nice.

This one's nice. Yeah, David's gonna be chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've never gotten to experience a nice one. No. No, I know. I know. That nobody has. This one's nice. Yeah, David's going to be chill. You've never gotten to experience a nice one. No. No, I know. I know.

That nobody has. A noise hippo. We'd like for fun. I'd tell people like, hey, is that your kid? Put him in my hippo's mouth. Yeah. Go close it up. He'll be fine.

That combined with your positive kid touching riff. Okay. Put him in my hippo's mouth. This is painting a Pied Piper situation. I didn't mean to bring that up, by the way. This your kid? Fucking weirdo. Put him in my hippo's mouth.

That does sound like a John's slang term for a butthole. Oh, get out of here. Get out of here. Now you're the villain. Get out of here. I just want to have fun with my hippo. If your kid wants to come, that's cool. That would be tight, though.

I'd be putting kids in hippo mouths all the time. Yeah, yeah. And it would just be fun. Or you put somebody on the... We go out to the middle of the water, and you put a diving board. He stands on the hippo's nose, and then the hippo...

Oh, man. A hippo would be cool. That's a party animal. Yeah. A hippo is for sure a party animal. For the big boys, we get one of those blobs right yeah and then we have the hippo drop onto the blob launch me you launch we're like little kids now and we try to launch the hippo but it doesn't happen but it's hilarious we send that

video to af that would be just watching a hippo up there like i don't know if i should jump it's pretty far down come on on. Do it. I want to fly. And it just launches me and Ian to the other side of the lake. And we're gone. I'd never shine as bright as I did that day. No. That day on the lake with the hippo.

Yeah, I think a hippo would be great. So that's my fourth pick. I like it. And my fifth pick, like you did for yours i gotta shrink it down yep i'm not taking i'm not taking the queen bee which is a very good one thank you i'm taking the world's strongest insect oh i'm taking a dung beetle yeah oh here's what i'm saying i could i could go to i could go to my enemy's home you my dung beetle and a GoPro or some kind of recording device. I'm thinking about espionage. I would use the dung beetle for espionage because it can carry like a thousand times its weight.

So it could carry a little pocket recorder or something. Sure, sure, sure. And then get up in the vents. You know what I mean? It just rolls in a little recorder. Yeah. Maybe it goes into the Pentagon, climbs through the vents, discovers their secrets. It's got a thumb drive on its back, dude.

Yeah. You put the thumb with the stuff on it. Because it's, I can teach it all. Oh, man. It could bring our podcast to Marissa tonight. It might take a while. If only. It might take a while, but it could.

If we set it off tonight, you know what I mean? You get there by Thursday. Yeah, for sure. By Thursday. All Thursday, everything. Yeah. You fucking get there. thursday yeah for sure all thursday everything yeah i can get there dung beetle they're so strong so it'd be like yeah you could just have a do crazy shit that's tight plus you know you girls could say is that a dung beetle in your pocket are you just happy to see me i'll tell you it's actually a lot of people you have to tell the girl to say that first because that's not a thing anyone says

because she did not actually notice it she's looking in my eyes because she's a nice person well you're not married yet why is she looking down south nothing to see there they lost the war you know what I mean eyes up here

tight Sean time for your final pick as a regal son of South Dakota and not having an animal to ride yet I'm going to pick a buffalo oh the American bison now

not the most attractive creature in the world I like them I like the way they look a kept manicured buffalo. Oh, you're talking about when they're shedding and shit? Yeah. They get, what do the kids say, natty dreads?

Yeah. They get those natty dreads. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. It just, you know, that's something that could cruise me around. I don't have anything I could ride on yet. That'd be tight. Those things' heads are like Volkswagen Beetles, man.

Yeah, yeah. They are so gnarly. You'd have to ride behind the hump, right? They don't all have humps. Yeah, where would you... I think they do. Do they all have them? I don't know.

I mean, I thought they just... Well, I don't know exactly how they're built. I didn't know they all had humps. You'd almost have to hold on to it. Yeah, I'd figure it out. Yeah, I think you ride behind the hump. Yeah. I think for sure.

It does have a connection to your Midwest roots. It does. And I don't have anything I could ride on yet unless I have two squirrels that I can skate on. You call it the Tatanka. Oh, yeah. See, you can definitely ride a buffalo. Yeah, you could ride a buffalo.

Yeah, you just sit behind the hump a little bit. Yeah, you got to sit back on it. You're not talking about a water buffalo right no that's a different that's a different kettle of fish no no oh yeah you could totally oh yeah you write that thing i'll take this opportunity to shout out uh uh the book wild ones by john mualem again okay again again well anytime we do an audible.com, free advertising for Audible. Oh, there you go. Well, here's a book I really enjoy, but that's one about American conservation, and there's some great stuff about the buffalo in there. Yeah, shout out.

Yeah. Also, there's no song that's like Squirrel Soldier Dreadlock Rasta, and that's a plus for you. That's true. That's true. My buffalo Tatanka. It's time for my final pick. This is kind of an attitude pick.

I get it. This is just an attitude pick. I'm taking a great horned owl. Man, I was going to take an owl. I love owls. That's like a ghost face type of move. Right, exactly. My owl shitted on a red rock.

Yeah, I was going to take one, but I don't know. I just don't know why I didn't. I took a squirrel instead. An owl is an amazing pick. So, like, there's a party, right? You guys are at this party. Nighttime. It's nighttime for some.

It's the right time. People are starting to get, like, not you guys, because you guys got my back, but, like, people are like, where the fuck's Ian? Ian said he was going to be here at 9. It's 10.15. Okay, yeah. Yeah, a bunch of Bible thumpers.

All right, people are getting testy. But then you hear a clatter, you know? A rose such a clatter? A clatter in the room and then a clamor amongst the people. And then... You hear murmurs. You hear murmurs. You start eating.

I was like, what is that fucking... Are you serious? And then you just see me, dude, strolling to the party. Big ass fucking... First of all, Illing to the party, big ass fucking great. First of all, I'm wearing a cloak. I can see it. I'm wearing a cloak. I got a big ass great horned owl

and it's fucking eyeballing everybody that's eyeballing me. Like in the eyes. Yeah. Look at like hard eye contact. You're just staring straight at. I'm looking right ahead and my owl's taking care of all the business for me.

Yeah. It's arching, you know, it's arching. It's like like having a heat seeking missile just like locking all the eyes that you don't feel like it's looking at people behind me who think it's safe to talk shit people think it's safe to talk shit the owl like fucking turns his head around i'm completely with it yeah man and then i just sit down at the table the owl you know it like jumps on top of the like back of the seat you know and then i feed it a mouse in front of everybody. Sure. Whole life now, like from your pocket.

Yeah. Right on. Yeah. From your inside pocket of your cloak. And then I'm like, sorry about that. I couldn't find rhino parking. You guys get out much? I still apologize for being late.

I still would have been late, but you know 20 minutes late not an hour I gotta park earnest that was a good ass list my friend I just think it would be so fun to walk in somewhere with attitude with an owl I like the cloak I like that idea I mean they go hand in hand

since the beginning of time and then whatever that you know there's a term for in hand since the beginning of time. They fucking do. There's a term for it that links the neck of the cloak. There has to be a term for that. The clasp? My owl is just making this face at people. If you're listening at home or wherever you're listening, if you're listening, it's the exact face

you think it's making. It's that horned-ass owl face. You know owl face. Don't beat it. Don't beat around owl face. It's that horned-ass owl face. Yeah, you know owl face. Come on. Don't beat it. Don't beat around the bush. It's owl face, baby. Hell of owl face. Yeah, so great horned owl. Yeah, dude. That wraps up to recap.

David, you went first. You took animal from the Muppets and then a pterosaur and then a moose and then a hippo and then a dung beetle. Big boy style. Sean, you went second, and with your first pick, the second overall pick. And in fact, literally every animal,

because David again took animal from the Muppets, who's a Muppet. There wasn't even any real animals gone yet. So every animal that exists now and has ever existed technically, because they took Pterosaur, all the animals are available. Everything. Everything. All of them.

Blue whales. Right whales. Humpback whales. They're all out there. Whales. You know? Yep. Lions, tigers, bears.

Oh, my. Red squirrel. Uh-huh. No onions. Red squirrel, no onions. You got a whore. Red squirrel, no onions. Red squirrel, no onions.

Then bounce back with a snow leopard. Uh-huh. Panda. It's a big, fat, grumpy animal Who can't fuck They're dank They are dank They don't fuck though They don't have sex

It's really hard to get pandas to fuck Oh is that why they're so That and the fact that We keep killing them Deforestation but also they don't fuck Sure I'll teach mine to fuck Bird of Paradise

Hell yeah And then the buffalo Mighty mighty buffalo I went third I took killer whales I'll teach mine to fuck. Bird of Paradise. Hell yeah. And then the buffalo. The buffalo. Mighty, mighty buffalo. I went third. I took killer whales, black rhinos, queen bee, a spider monkey, and then a great horned owl. Yeah. We left a lot of animals on the board.

That might have won. Yeah. What else would be fun? A manatee would be fun, dude. Oh, yeah. I mean, you said it, but a narwhal. Narwhal, however you want to say it.'d like to have a manatee just because like i wouldn't feel any pressure to impress a manatee a lot of these animals i would feel like i'd have to fuck like david's coming over and he's bringing his hippo you know it's gonna be a lot of pressure you can just be yourself around a manatee he just wants to hang yeah my sneaky one was gonna be like

a wombat or a mongoose. I really like wombats and mongooses. Oh, a wombat would be cute. A capybara. Uh-huh. I was thinking about doing a pack of hyenas. Oh, yeah. Pack of hyenas? Yeah, but that would have been... Oh, I can see you and a bunch of hyenas just talking shit and laughing about... Like, really

laugh. Yeah. You take your hyenas out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse? Yeah. Oh, God. People are looking over like, oh, God. I mean, that's basically what we are when we went to Outback Steakhouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I still love it.

I felt bad for every family. Like, well, there weren't any families there. But all those chill people, I'm like, it ain't your night. Don't go out to Outback at 9 p.m. I'm saying. If you don't want to have a bunch of loud people. Seriously. The wolves is out. All right. And by that, I mean meback at 9pm. I'm saying. If you don't want to have a bunch of loud people. The Wolves is out.

And by that I mean me and the Hyena. Yep. Oh yeah, Wolf was another one. Just like a great big ass white wolf would have been a dank one. Like a Panther Lynx kind of situation. I thought about a bald eagle. Bobcat would be tight. Bobcat would be. All the big cats.

Tigers. Giraffe would be fun just to be up there. Oh yeah. Up there. Just to be up there. Oh, yeah. Up there. Just to be up there, bro. Duckfield platypus, just to explain it to people. Uh-huh. Oh, I mean, just like a blue whale or gray whale, whatever one's the biggest, just because it's the biggest. I don't even know what you do with a blue whale.

I mean, just like- That's what I was wondering. You just look at it? You just get to see it whenever you want to, and that's almost tight enough. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have it take me out to the middle of the ocean at night. Yeah.

And just look. Yeah, just take me out where I of the ocean at night. Yeah. And just look. Yeah, just take me out where I can't see any city. Yeah, and just look up at the stars for a while. That'd be fucking so scary. It'd be really tight, though. Couldn't drop you off on the beach. No. You can't even get close.

Can't even get close to the beach. What's the closest a blue whale can get? Not close. Hundreds of yards. Mile out? Nautical mile? Couple clicks? Nautical.

What's happening here? Nautical mile. Couple clicks. Nautical. What's happening here? Nautical miles? Couple of clicks. Make sure you send us yours. Sorry for the cavalier nature of this podcast. It was probably fine, right? It was great. Yeah. Sorry, I'm sick.

Thank you guys for recording in the home game. I'm stoked, man. Shout out to super producer Marissa for mastering this later. Just for being the shit all around. We miss you, Mars Mel. Shout out to everyone on the subreddit. Send us your lists. All Fantasy Pod on Twitter.

All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Hit us with those emails. We're going to record another mailbag soon, so send us those questions on Twitter and uh and uh email there uh sign up for our patreon please do please you know uh we'll drop that we'll there's a earlier in the podcast you will have heard more information about it but uh you know sign up it helps us it helps us do what we do and we're working on you know we've put out a watch along and a mailbag we're're going to do another one, another, each of those in December.

Yep. January, we're working on the shout outs. The Slack is popping. Everything, yeah, those, if you're not in there,

if you're not in the Slack, you got the invite, get in the Slack. Yeah, it's really fun. It's really fun. And yeah, send us your,

shout out to everyone on the subreddit. Oh, there they go. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to NyQuil, dude.

Shout out to PayMedication. Shout out to DayQuil. Shout out to DayWalkers. Oh, dude. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to NyQuil, dude. Shout out to PayMedication. Shout out to NyQuil. Shout out to DayQuil. Shout out to Daywalkers. Oh, dude. Shout out to DayTraders, dude. Shout out to KDay. Yeah, shout out to Nightmares.

DayTraders. Boiler Room, dude. Shout out to Boiler Room. Shout out to Affleck. Calm it down. Fucking Affleck, dude. The Duck Animal Man. Who was I thinking of?

Shout out to You know From Entourage Giovanni Ribisi Adrian Grenier No the Con Scott Con Oh Scott Con

Oh yeah yeah yeah Scott Con Shout out to James Con too Yeah You think anyone Has ever called him Con Hair Con Hair

Shout out to James Corden man Shout out to James Corden Jimmy Corden And more important Than all that that tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything shaklakity now wasn't that nice that was a hate gun podcast