All Fantasy Everything - Apps (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Nolvember has arrived!Remember: no matter what app you're using to listen to this, rate us five stars.Episode Guest:Katie Nolan @KatieNolan (@NatieKolan)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. What's up, all family members? It's Ian Carmel. I want to tell you about a new podcast I have with my friends Isaac Lee and Zach Harper. Are you a basketball fan? Do you like the NBA? Are you curious about what Victor Wembenyama is going to do this season? Do you think Scoot Henderson is maybe going to win the MVP, the Defensive Player of the

Year, and the R player of the year, and the rookie in the same season. Are you wondering when LeBron James is going to finally let himself go bald and embrace his destiny as the greatest bald athlete of all time? Have we got a podcast for you. It's called Emotional, a basketball podcast. Zach Harper is a basketball writer

with a decade of experience knowing about what's actually going on on the basketball court. I am an idiot who has absolutely no foundation for my very passionate basketball opinions. And Isaac is somewhere in between steering the ship the entire time. We're putting out at least one episode every week, probably no more than three, discussing everything going on in the NBA right now. It's at patreon.com slash emotional hoops. It's $5 a month and that gets you exclusive basketball content. We just recorded our

first episode. It's two and a half hours long and that's what you can expect from us. Way too much talking about the sport that we care about more than almost anything in the world and even some of the things that aren't sports related. Basketball. This is all... Katie? Sorry, I'm so sorry. Katie. this is all Katie Katie

this is all fantasy everything the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture on today's episode we're drafting phone applications I'm your host Ian Carmel and our guest today at the beginning

of November is our friend, podcaster, television personality, Jeopardy empresario. I don't know if I'm using the word empresario right. Jeopardy contestant, Katie Nolan. I'm joined, as always, by my friends, the comedians, Sean Jordan, and returning from Bolivia, David Borey. I'm back. In the timeline of these podcasts coming out. I'll be gone again.

He may be yet to have gone to Bolivia. You know what it doesn't matter when he was in Bolivia it matters that he's here. Let's get into it. Hey, welcome to All Fantasy, everybody. You do it. Now I'm waiting for the big welcome, and I don't get it, and it makes me laugh all the same. I don't know.

I don't know if I'll ever do a big welcome ever again. I think we might be in the placid welcome zone. What? Will you say a different word the way that you used to say welcome? Yeah. Necronomicon. That was Necronomicon? Necronomicon, the book of the dead.

Oh, I thought that was when you loved dancing with dead people. I thought it was a dead people convention. It might be. It's a dead people convention. It's a funeral director. Necrocomicon. I'd go to that. Would you?

I'd go to that. I'd go to that. It's in dark San Diego, right? I'd go. I'd go to that. It's dark San Diego right I'd go I'd go to that it's dark dark San Diego will you write a TV show

and set it in dark San Diego dark San Diego it's just dark San Diego yeah it's about the La Jolla comedy store yeah

everybody surfs at night I went I did one of those shows in San Diego where you do you do a set and then you get high and you do another set

why would you say yes to that? I've said yes to it a couple of times. Do you not smoke weed? Am I not aware of it? No. Yeah, he doesn't at all. No, I don't. And I still think I should be able to.

So once a year or something, I will be like, you can do it. And then I can't. I'll never be able to. Well, can I ask a follow up or we can move on? No, please. Yeah. How much are you thinking you can smoke? Are you hitting it like a guy who smokes once a year

or are you trying to look cool and taking too many? I'm not trying to look cool, but I'm not hitting it like a guy. I'm not trying to look cool, you know what I'm saying? I was trying to look cool. I'd smoke it like a gentleman. Sean hits it and says things like, it's the Bombay. Where'd you get this dang chronic, bro? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh. He says he's feeling irie. I do a lot of this. Do people do that when they smoke weed for real? No, I don't understand what you were doing. I don't even either. I'll tell you who definitely won't understand it is the people listening to this podcast.

You couldn't hear it? What are you doing? That thing. You know, like when people inhale. Are you laughing? Is that a laugh? You know, like when people are trying to hold the hit in. Oh, you mean when they're trying to hold it in?

No, they don't really do that. It's like it's a cough that you hold in. It like bottles up in the top of your, they don't really do that. It's a cough that you hold in and it bottles up in the top of your nose. They don't do that. You have to know what I'm talking. Katie, you know what I'm talking about? Yes, that's why I'm answering your question. They're looking at me like I'm a lunatic. I don't know if they do that. What they do do is buy

posters of Bob Marley playing soccer. Or like the half lion, half Bob Marley's face. Yeah, that's another good one come on a nice a nice red light for the porch yeah great t-shirt great great t-shirt i had that t-shirt everybody had that t-shirt and no one bought it it's just the same nasty t-shirt that got passed around to all of us. I think I had it in middle school decades away from me even crying weed. This is just how I feel. This is just how I feel in sixth grade. Sorry.

Bob Marley the lion. There's subtle Jewish star imagery in his stuff. I'm not going to look into why that is. I'm just going to rock it. Listen, man. I was chanting down Babylon look into why that is. I'm just going to rock it. Listen, man. Enjoy it. I was chanting down Babylon from a pretty early age. Yeah. I didn't even know Bob Marley was

dead until I got to middle school. No. It was, you know, put that t-shirt on. They're making that movie. What do you think? Hit or miss? A Bob Marley movie? They're making a Bob Paramount, I think. But yeah, it's, what's it called?

You're a big studio guy, right? I was going to say, why do you say the studio? Not like a name of a person. I don't know. I've never said that in my life. It's the one thing I know about the movie. Matt Bellamy over here. I'm the one that brought it up.

So I figured I should say something. Did you read for it or something? No. Yeah. That would be the craziest turn of events. Yeah, I read for it. They couldn't find a place for me, but they were like, man, you killed it. We just don't know where you're going to fit.

We love you to find. Well, Universal had it for a while, but they let the rights lapse, right? Oh, wow. And that was a miss. Or it was a great move. We'll find out. Get Dana Gordon on the phone. I'm sick of this.

I'm sick of doing all the Dan. I just want to... Dana knows where it's at. I got her her job. Dana Gordon? Yeah. Do you know who's playing Bob Marley? I feel like that's the most important detail. Director and who's playing Bob Marley.

I feel like it's a new person. I think it's Mike Epps. Mike Epps and Omar Epps playing Bob Marley in two different phases of his life. Together again. I'd watch that. Yeah, I would too. Bob Marley, the hilarious Bob Marley. Did you see that Chris Rock is doing the Martin Luther King movie? He's

directing it, right? Yeah, which made me think that he just did that so Will Smith can't play Martin Luther King. I feel like he's specifically doing this to wrongfully end the role of a lifetime. Right? It was a long con.

Maybe that's for the best. Mm-hmm. He caught it. Come on. It's petty, but maybe it's for the best that Will Smith isn't playing Martin Luther King Jr. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm okay with it. He's not like a... You know. As long as it's not like a... You know.

As long as it's not like Michael B. Jordan. Come on, Hitch? Everybody loves Hitch. We all love Hitch. We all love the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The one when he was the superhero? Hancock is good. Also great.

Pursuit of Happiness is good. There are certain kind of movies that Will... There's nobody who's... Boobies? Did you say there are certain kinds of boobies? That Will Smith is into? For sure. There are certain kinds of boobies that Will Smith is into. Not his wife's. I truly love boobies? Did you say there are certain kinds of boobies? That Will Smith is into? There are certain kinds of boobies that Will Smith is into.

Not his wife's. I truly love boobies. There are certain kinds of movies that Will Smith, there's nobody in the world where you'd rather have than Will Smith. And then there's certain kind of movies where you're like, how come nobody told you that you shouldn't be doing this? Do this. I need him to be Will Smith, not an actor.

Yes. Right? Yes. Beautifully said. Will Smith doing stuff an actor. Yes. Right? Yes. Beautifully said. Will Smith doing stuff? Yeah, I want to see that. Do I need to hear him speak with an African accent for two hours about CTE? Fucking

no, man. Oh my God. I forgot that was him. It was bad. Sean, I would have rather seen Sean in that role. Damn. And we'll leave it at that. Oh, come on, Sean. You don't want to throw an impression down?

You don't want to try it? You don't want to leave for it? We'll put a period on that sentence. And I thank you for the vote of confidence, and we'll leave it at that. Until A24 does it. I, uh, yeah. What if it was the RZA as a concussion doctor?

We've put a period on that sentence as well. Oh, wow. Look at that. Wow. This is gross. I don't know who I can impersonate. The Shermanator? I look like the Shermanator from time to time,

so I can just do that. I don't think you do. You think you look like that guy? Everybody told me that in high school, like it was a good thing. You really don't. Man, you guys. You don't really know. You're a very handsome guy. Although in high school like it was a good thing you really don't like man you guys you're a very handsome guy although in middle school you did to be fair exterminator's a butt

ugly guy i just don't think that you guys look he's not he's not chris paul i'm not i'm not crazy that's true oh so that's still going on though that's one of the things that still happen have them yeah yeah uh one last one last hurdle for you to for you to jump over what if it was to think chris paul's handsome no what if it was shaggy in a movie about concussions period come on why do we invite you wow period Wow. Her rib. Oh, no! There it is. It always sounds like Shaggy's talking from underneath a blanket when you do it. It sounds like Meatwad. It sounds like Meatwad watched a Shaggy video and he's like, I can do it. Yeah, Reggae Meatwad. Reggae Meatwad.

Now there's a Halloween costume. I've been trying to think of one. Or a band name. Yeah. I don't think you can get away with Reggae Meatwad. Reggae Meatwad? I wouldn't try it. I won't try it. I won't think you can get away with reggae meat. What reggae meat? What? I wouldn't try it. I won't try it.

I won't try it. I'll just be a taco again. Uh, cute. We're drafting. We do that. We do the plugs later. Now,

Katie, we're fucking, we're insane. We're insane. We're crazy. This is November is back. We have November returns. This is the first is back. We have, November returns. This is the

first episode of November. Isaac, what day in November is it when this is coming out? That's a great question. Let me pull up the calendar app on my phone. Thank you.

Oh, oh, hey. Don't, quit saying that. Don't say, quit saying pics. I'm going to go ahead

and say November 9th. Is it the 9th or is it going to be the 2nd? No, that's impossible. How would that be possible? It's going to be the first week I think it's the 2nd It's either the 2nd or the 9th Sean you know how a calendar works?

Fuck you It's the 2nd you're right This is premium content It's November 2nd Today is November 2nd November 2nd It's November 2nd Katie Nolan'snd. It's November 2nd. Katie Nolan's semi-annual

All Fantasy Everything residency. An honor to be here. Semi-annual. Semi-November. Is it not annual? I don't know if we did. Oh, it was October last year. Did we do K-tober last year? Absolutely.

Katie Nolan's annual All Fantasy Everything residency, which takes place always in the autumn, but not always in November. Katie, thank you for joining us. Have you thought about what sort of other topics you want to explore this month? Is there a vibe you're putting out this month? Is there general energy?

That list is fire. It's not. I mean, Sean keeps saying that, and it's making me uncomfortable. I keep a note in my phone so that anytime I'm doing anything, if it randomly occurs to me, I'm like, oh, we should draft that. I just jot it down

because otherwise I think I'm going to remember and then I forget when you ask me. So I sent that list over to Sean. Looking back over it, I was like, I don't think I really care for any of these. They're dope. It's trash. It's trash. I expect better from you.

I thought it was bad. I interpreted it poorly, but that's my fault. You know what I mean? I'll have to work my way out of it. I mean, this is the best one to pivot. So like earlier, Dave was saying he thought we're drafting appetizers. But if you got to go off top, this is the easiest one to go off top because your list is just on your phone already. I'm picking the same list.

I don't give a fuck. I have a mozzarella stick map. Buffalo wing app? Dude, it's probably on there. You think that's not a fucking crab rangoon app? What do you think I spend all my time on? Come on. My only issue with this, David,

is that it was one of the more memorable drafts, the apps draft. It had a big moment, a moment in the lore of the all family everything. I've been living on tour. My head is spinning. I'm sick. I just forgot.

I just forgot. You're always kind of sick. If you find a lot, yeah, it's always a little bit. You're too close to the sun for too long when you spend all that time in airplanes. I shouldn't be up there that much. No way.

And sleeping in hotels a lot. It's like, they're not as clean as you would like them to be at home. It's that remote, they say. The remote and the curtains. Really? Really covered in stuff. I touch both of those.

Why the curtains? I touch both of those a lot. What a good question. I think it's got to do something with looking out a window. People want to smash up on the window. I get it. I drape myself in the curtains and put the remote in my mouth when I get into a hotel room. Isn't that step one?

Make a little hotel grenade out of yourself? Yeah, I thought that was the activity. What do we get in a room for? I'm not supposed to do that. And then you let room service come in you go find me hello ice bucket helmet none of this I'm not supposed to do this

ooh I stopped drinking out of the ice bucket who said they eat fudge out of the ice bucket oh that's wilder I would just fill it with ice and then have an everlasting ice water cup. But probably not.

Whoa. What? David, what? Yeah, I don't know. It's not ideal. You were sipping out of it? Yeah, I would go. I would fill it with the liner, the plastic liner.

You were drinking out of a bag? In a bucket. It's cleaner than just drinking out of a bucket. And IV is drinking out of a bag? In a bucket. It's cleaner than just drinking out of a bucket. And IV is drinking out of a bag, and hospitals do that. So it's like, let's get off our high horse for a second. Yeah. Ian, excuse me. Thank you.

Bucket drinkers unite, man. We are drafting iPhone apps, and the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. We throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. That was quick.

Oh. Golly. What are you doing with paper over here? David wins an unnatural victory throwing a paper. You can't. Of course I don't always throw rock or scissors. You almost always

throw scissors. I think I do by accident. My buddy Rad always throws scissors. I think if you look back, I always throw scissors. Did you say he's got kids? Yeah.

Always throws scissors and he still beats me. He's been letting him be known for 20 years. He always throws scissors. So he still beats me. He just gets in your head. He's in my kitchen. I don't know what to do about it. Anyway, that's fine. I lost. He still beats me. He just gets in your head. He's in my kitchen.

I don't know what to do about it. Anyway, that's all right. I lost. I'll take it. David is the winner of rock, paper, scissors. It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you. It's a serpentine draft.

And what is that? Great question. Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do, do, do, ti, la, so, fa, mi, re, do, do, do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do. It's kind of like that. Not bad. Yeah. Not bad. I've never heard somebody speak.

I know. I have to do it, but I don't. Let me try it again. Sing the song. Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do, do, ti, la, so, fa, mi, re, do, do, do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do. Of course I got to read it. You can do it backwards. He's reading this. He has to read it. Of course I gotta read it. I can't.

You can do it backwards. Read the song. Sing the song. Do a deer. Oh, man. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer.

Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. Do a deer. far a long long way to run so a needle pulling thread la a note to follow so cop out a drink with jam and bread and it brings us back to do re mi fa yay yeah i had to think about it for a second la a note to follow soul how long you think they tried to come up with what la could be and then they were like let's just say it's the next note. Fuck it.

La Canyada Flintridge. What about that? If only they had known. If only. If only. And now that Sean is saying that, it's my turn. A device. A device. My turn. Edelweiss, Edelweiss, you look happy to me, to me.

Small and white, clear and bright. You look happy to me, to me. Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow. Oh, I want to make him keep going. I feel different now. Forever. Edelweiss, Edelweiss. You look happy to me, to me. Adelweiss. Adelweiss. You look happy to me.

To me. Oh, wow. Let me go now. Let me go. I got one. All right. Here we go. You ain't got to say too much from the look in your eyes. I can tell you want to fuck.

You ain't got to call me yaboo Just as bad as you wanna fuck I wanna fuck too What a crazy song. It's a listen to at junior high school. It's also crazy that it was in The Sound of Music. But Rolf wanted to fuck Yeah

We're talking about A different kind of occupation That's right You ain't gotta say I'm gonna listen to that That's gonna kind of be the day I bet you are I'm surprised you don't listen to that

Every day I watched Blood In Blood Out And I walked 10,000 steps On a treadmill the other day dude I know I talked to you. It was sick. We got a treadmill that just holds a laptop.

I can just sit and watch, you know, motivating shit and get my steps in. Blood In Blood Out is not motivating. No, it's not motivating, but it's captivating, I should say. It is. Yeah. Two words that mean two different, not even related things. There's a lot of bad stuff. It's not in a good way,

but it gets me, makes me feel active, I guess, watching a movie like that. So that's what I would say. When I was walking, I just felt like maybe tense or something. That's probably what it was. That movie's three hours long.

I watched like two-thirds of it walking. Yeah, it was very long. Yeah. David, basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round. Now with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be?

I think I'm going to go Ian, Katie, David, Sean. Hot corner. Damn. Hot corner. Okay.

This is okay. You're still in a hot corner. You're just. I'm in a hot corner. Damn. Hot corner. Okay. This is, okay. You're still in a hot corner. You're just in a different corner. Brother, I'm in the hottest corner there is. Well, the thing with this, I mean, these, well, I don't want to get in there. Some of these are boring, right? Like, you really want to talk about what you're using. Kind of boring to start with.

Here's how I approached the draft, if I may, Katie Nolan, from stuff. From Jeopardy. It was that if I don't get the app in the draft, I can't use it. So I drafted based, my strategy is based off of like,

you know, yeah, they may not be the flashiest picks, but I'm picking them because it's like, I use this every day and if I didn't have access to it, I would be upset because that's how a fantasy lineup.

I don't know if you guys know anything about actual fantasy sports, but if you don't get the player, then you don't get to use them for the season. Yeah. So that was kind of the approach I thought we were taking. Now, David thought we were taking food you eat before you eat your food. Yeah, I went on shareability presentation. I'm a big texture

guy. So we've all got our own strategies that we bring. I was thinking about the websites draft. What was the first website you picked, David, with the first pitch? Something bad. Fucking news. Not a good one. Not my wheelhouse.

Now, there's... I don't know if I want to ask this question or if I want to find out while we're drafting, but I have the first pitch. Nine inches. You don't want to find out while we're drafting. I do want to find out while we're drafting. Now that we're putting out video clips.

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Wait, what? What? If we're saying crazy shit. Is that crazy? You have that loaded. I bought my first eight pack of Spindrift, bubbly water, ever yesterday. It was Spindrift. What flavor?

Blood orange tangerine. Blood orange, blood out. Two citrus. Is this because you don't want to take in so much Baja Blast? I want to. I just don't. I always want to. That's never going to go away.

What capacity? I've stopped drinking soda to slim up for this taping in October. So I've stopped. No soda, no caffeine. Maxed out on the blast. 10,000 steps a day, no alcohol. Yeah, trying to eat vegetables at least once a day.

So yeah, Spindrift, baby. Well, congrats on the water, Sean. Preach. Welcome to the club. Whatever the red, the sort of maroon can of bubbly water tastes a little bit like Dr. Pepper.

I hate when you say things like that. A little bit. bubbly water tastes a little bit like uh dr pepper just a little i hate when you say things like that a little bit doesn't a little bit it does not uh the wind is the greatest yeah it's like if somebody was in the other room yelling dr pepper and you were two rooms away with all the doors closed exactly right the scoots it gives me the scoots i can't do dr pepper yeah do the scoots you know can't do it anymore. Dr. Pepper? Gives you the scoots? You know, boot, shoe, and boogie. D'Aria? The green apple splatters? D'Aria. Oh, fuck.

Come on, dude. Come on. That was awful. Why? You've ruined my day. Green apple splatter? Why is it green? Yeah, and what's an apple got to do with it?

You don't drink green Dr. Pepper? I think it's from eating maybe a green apple. Am I doing it wrong? Yeah, I don't know. If you're getting diarrhea from a green apple, Sean, you should go see a doctor. Yeah. No, I hate doctors. What about Dr. Pepper?

I'm kidding. I have a doctor. I go to the doctor. You can't make that joke anymore. It's a different time now. You can't do your own research. It's time for my first pick. The first pick of the draft.

We're drafting iPhone apps. I don't know if I'm being too originalist here. What? I'm taking messages. Okay. Yeah, no, of course. Yeah.

I mean, it's an app. Someone had to. I mean, are we playing stuff that just comes on the phone and you're like, this isn't a phone without it. Like, so we're counting that. It's an app.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what I was saying. Like, the first few are probably going to be a little like, you know, pedestrian, if you will. All right, great.

Well, you got to draft that running back. You know what I mean? Like, he's on the board or whatever you're supposed to draft first in fantasy football now. Even though the most recent message on my phone is from Shane Torres.

And that is, you know, that's not what you want. That's not ideal. Not a selling point, certainly. Not a selling point. Do you have any that you've saved, like, that you've saved through the phones? Like old texts that you just don't want to delete? Oh, I don't really delete text messages till I get a new phone. I don't either.

I have my phone set to delete them automatically. Wow. I once had a phone that I had too many messages and it took up all my memory and it just stopped working and I could never even load the messages that I had been holding onto anyway. And so it just got to a point where I was like, you got to let things go. You can't be a pack rat in your phone because you're never going to pay for the one with the most. You're always going to buy the one in the middle with the memory.

At some point, you're gonna, you either got to do one or the other. And so I've learned to let go, live in the moment. I'm a digital pack rat. You don't even want to know how many red messages I got. Oh yeah. What do they turn red when you say like the

red like the red like R.E.A.D. Yeah. No, no. Like R.E.D. The ones that you haven't looked at. Oh, oh, really? It's like it shows it as red on there. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, like like the little notification. Oh, the little red. Oh, dude.

Okay. Let's see. Should we go to be honest right now? Do you want to go unread message to unread message? Let's do it. We're just talking message app, right? We're not doing anything else yet. We can do this on a lot, which will be fun. All right.

Three, two, one. 601. Yo, what, Ian? What, Ian? What is that? Oh, I've been up there. 1,000. Why?

2,998. Guys, these are text messages. And this is an app you drafted first. Clearly, you don't even open it. I open it all the time. I think it's a testament to how much he does open it that some stuff just slips through the crack. Are there group threads that you have muted?

There are so many. Dating back to like the Late Late Show, so many group threads and just stuff where I'm like, I don't need to know about this. I don't need to know about this. I don't need to know about this. That I just never clicked on. You guys just have too many friends. I've got two unread messages and actually can't even find them.

It's just they're still there and I don't know where they are. I have one unread and it's just notes to myself that I send like once a week. I just refresh it with like my to-do list. That's always the one. That's wild, yeah. I've got one that's probably 15 deep from an Orthodox Jew in my neighborhood who keeps coming to my house

because he saw Mazzuzza on my door. And then you gave him your phone number? Yeah. It's written on the Mazzuzza. I forget what organization he's from. Dana knows. But he's pretty Orthodox and he comes to my door and like he came like pretty quick to us moving in which leads me to believe he walks through the neighborhood looking for mazuzas right he

was waiting yeah i shouldn't use a word i have no idea what it means what's a mazuzza besides fun to say is it the thing you put by the door it's the thing you put by it's you put it on the door and yeah exactly right it's put by. You put it on the door. And yeah, exactly right. It's got a little prayer in it. And you're supposed to kiss your finger and touch it when you walk into a door. Play like a champion today. Well, exactly.

It's the Notre Dame thing, but for Jews. Pray like a champion today. Speaking of messages, Shane just texted. Okay, I'm watching blood in, blood out. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Be okay before that leads me to believe that you sent several messages

or called them being like, hey, you need to watch Blood In, Blood Out. Ten minutes later, you watching Blood In, Blood Out yet? You definitely sent a text and a picture of the laptop and you were like i'm watching blood and blood out this is so cool i mean yeah he goes on page anyway you don't need to hear all this yeah a version of that happened

um but messages because i don't want to get on the phone, not to say other pics. Well, okay. I'm a phone guy. I was going to call you yesterday, but I didn't want you to think something was wrong. So I posted a bunch of Instagram happy birthday clips instead. Because whenever someone calls me, I think something's wrong,

unless it's you. You do. Yep, unless it's you. That's something you should work on. I would never think something was wrong if you called me on my birthday. Oh, that's true. We're recording this the day after my birthday. I didn't even think that you'd be you called me on my birthday oh that's true we're recording

this the day after my birthday i didn't even think that you'd be like it's my birthday i didn't even think about that i didn't want you to be at dinner and be like oh shit and that yeah but of course it was your birthday you knew it too i fielded quite a few calls yesterday oh i would have i didn't even think about that i don't like calling people because i don't want them to think something's wrong that's also why your numbers are juiced. Your text number is up because yesterday was your birthday. And I know the day after my birthday,

I usually have a bunch of texts that I have to go through and say, thank you so much. The anxiety, I hate that so much. I hate that. It's like more of a job than I want it to be. Yeah. Because sometimes you're like,

you always love when somebody does not turn it into a conversation. When somebody is just like, they respond and then they give the like, thumbs up or the heart and then it's done but it is tough when you're entering into 17 how have you been and you're like yeah not great i don't want to say a year older that's how i am yeah exactly nothing new see you later because the problem was i got an easy birthday to remember too so i feel like people like you know what i mean totally and let's all say it let's all say it on the count of three one two three may 5th may 5th i think i'm on

katie's internet lagged at such an inopportune moment yeah that was crazy because she was probably the one who said it first chronologicallyologically. I could see her mouth moving before. I didn't catch it. Yeah. It just was late. Let me open my huh, huh, huh, huh and put that in there so I don't forget. She didn't say a pick. That's right.

How many syllables do you think are in that word that you're about to say? Huh, huh, huh, huh. Huh, huh, huh, huh. Huh, huh, huh, huh. Oh, okay. I don't think I have that app anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying? What? I deleted that when I got Do you understand what I'm saying? What?

I deleted that when I got married. No, I'm just kidding. Okay, May 5th. Like, we all knew it was. Poops, butts, and stuff. That one? Sports? Huh?

Sports? Sorry, I punched my microphone. That's all right. That's all right. Two men enter, one man leave. Yeah, man. Messages. Of course. Has to happen. Yeah. Messages. Gotta have it on there. Utility player.

Nuff said. With an apostrophe and then N-U-F-F. Like that, you know? Like a cool way to say it. Katie Nolan, it is time for your first pick in the month of November. I thought it was Ian, David, Katie, Sean. Ian, David, Katie, Sean. Ian, Katie, David, Sean.

Now I got to redo the whole. All right. Mess the whole thing. Okay. With my first pick, I'm going to take Uber. Oh, yeah. Big hitter. It's just I look, i don't want this to be the way i am but it is the way i am and uh if that app didn't exist because i had a bad experience on lyft and

i've let i've used that against it so i'm you know not that uber's perfect a funny bad experience on lyft or the kind where you tell us and we're all just like, oh man. Yeah, one where if I told the story, the podcast wouldn't be as fun, you know? So it's just like, and again, I know that could happen on any app, but it happened to me on Lyft and all I can do is then go,

well, that's it for that app. So anyway, if Uber went away and I had to like call cabs, I don't know how I would have. It introduced a convenience into my life that before I guess you could say technically existed,

but we didn't know. We were calling cabs. If Uber was gone, I'd be back on the bus. For days. Hiring cars? Yeah. They would be,

we'd call cabs at like Barclays and in Portland, they'd be like, oh, well, you know, hour and a half, whatever. And it just, we'd call cabs at like bar close and importantly, they'd be like, Oh, well, you know, hour and a half, whatever. And it just, you're just standing out there till three 30 in the morning in the rain.

It was crazy. Or you'd call one, like you try to be preemptive, call it like an hour and a half before bar close. And they'd be like, all right, five minutes. I mean,

I was just tough when I, I think when I was working on Chelsea lately and I was dating this girl who lived in Portland, I would do the thing where I flew back to L.A. on the like the very first flight on like Monday morning, like the flight out at 6 a.m. And this was pre Uber in Portland. So you'd be like standing outside at 330, hoping the cab that you ordered was going to show up. Yeah. And sometimes it wouldn't. And you were just like, well, I'm going to get fired.

There's no other way for me to get to the airport right now. Other than I guess, I mean, I guess I could have, I think she did have a car. So we're going to wake up

to drive. That's the worst thing. Be like, hey, I know I said you weren't going to have to get up. Drive me to the airport now.

I also feel like for for all the bad it may have put into the world, it's got to have done something for our drunk driving numbers. It has to. It has made it incredibly easy to leave your car wherever it is and go home. Yeah. And now it's just the Uber drivers who are drunk. Right.

Yeah. Right. That's what I meant. The numbers are up. We're doing well. We're in a career year of drunk driving. I had some dude in LA. Right. Yeah. Right. That's what I meant. The numbers are up. We're doing well. We're in a career year of drunk driving. I had some dude in LA.

It was crazy. Almost the most cocaine I think I've ever seen someone on. I didn't see him do it, but holy buckets. The dude was bonkers. Just shit rattling everywhere.

Have you ever had a driver smoke a cigarette with you in the car? Oh, yes. Yeah. Crazy. I'm like, oh, yeah. I guess. We had a dude in D.C. who would not.

I was going to say, have you ever had him try to pitch you something? In L.A., yes. Do you like this song? It's actually me. Bro, I don't give a fuck. I've got business cards in L.A. You feeling this? Like that. Just like, you know, here's candles or whatever.

That's the most U2 thing where they just force you to listen to their album and there's nothing you can do about it. Remember when U2 downloaded an album onto everybody's phone and we were like, no thanks. I hate it. I remember the one guy was like, do you like Armenian house music? And I was like, what about this ride? Sometimes.

Thus far. I don't actually know if I know the answer to that question I got in this dude King his name was King it's this Armenian dude in Glendale and I felt so safe right when I got in he just looks back he's like how you doing and I was just like I'm great man and then he just was on the phone

the whole time every now and again he'd be like ah ah ah ah ah and he was driving and I felt I was like nothing's gonna happen to me in King's car. It felt like you ruled Glendale. I felt great. He was the king of Glendale. So sometimes it works out really well.

Yeah. Capital of Armenia? Anyone? King's car, apparently. It was just on Jeopardy. ArtSoc? It was? No.

Yeah, it was. It was like, God, like three days ago. It's Yerevan. Oh, Yerevan. So. Dang it. Just in case you want to be smarter today. We lived in Glendale for like too long.

Did I know that, Sean? Yeah. Yeah. It's on us. It's on us. Georgia, Azerbaijan, Iran, Turkey, and Russia. Look at you. Well, Armenia doesn't touch Russia, but you get what I'm saying.

Let's, guys, let's keep it moving. Is this having prepared for Jeopardy, Katie? You're my favorite author by Johnny. This is, um, this is me finally realizing I need to know where the countries are and what their names are and what their capitals are. And so I did that and now I'm just, now I just have that. What is the capital of, let's throw this out there. What's the capital of Poland? Warsaw. There you go. That was an easy one. Yeah, I'm working it up. I'm working it up. What's the capital of Djibouti? Djibouti. That's an easy one, too. Djibouti.

Djibouti. I really did like it, though. I really did like it though I really did like it I like it a lot What's the capital of Mongolia? It's Ulaanbaatar I don't know if I'm saying it right, I've only ever written it Yeah

This is rad It's kind of useless other than just people asking you what's the capital of blank but you know, I feel smarter I feel dumber so it's working What's the capital of blank? But, you know, I feel smarter. I feel dumber, so it's working. What's the capital of South Dakota? Pierre, right?

Yeah. If you're not familiar. Yeah, I guess. Pierre. To the extent that South Dakota is capable of any form of self-governance. And who's picked? Ah, David Boren. It's mine uh i think i'm gonna go venmo

oh yeah yeah it's like especially being on tour and selling merch and just generally general going out with it's completely taken over cash and it makes it easy it's just like i use it so often yeah drugs on there oh yeah it is so fun when someone's like because now they can't do the whole i'll hit you you know i'll get you yeah no do it right now because i don't expect like if i if i'm ready to pay for something i truly expect to pay for it it's fine but if somebody says that oh i'll get you it's always bothered me because you're like, well, are you gonna or are you not? So now you're like,

just do it right now. I made my grandpa do it because he always said it. He didn't Venmo me, but I was like, you gotta give me 20 bucks because he'll pull his wallet out to pay for things. And every time my mom is like, no, no, no, no. And he just puts it back. It's like routine. So one of the last time I was back home, he pulled his wallet out and I was like give me 20 bucks and i made him do it

made your grandfather give you 20 yeah this is crazy yeah well i mean he just pulls it's so rude to do like if you act like you're gonna pay for something we all just throw it out on it is it rude i think he's doing a nice gesture and then someone's telling him not to do it don't because you're the. Don't you do this. Because you're the patriarch. Don't you ride for Larry Thomas like this. You don't know him. It's a time-honored social tradition.

Kind of pulling out the wallet, making a show of it, and then being told, no, no, no. Right. I'm always ready to throw down if I pull my wallet out. I can tell you're pissed.

I get mad at him because he takes advantage of my mom. This is a whole other thing. Yeah. Yeah. If I pull my wallet out, I'm always ready to put some money down. I wasn't always. But now that I'm not flat broke, I'm always ready.

If you don't have the money, you do the fake pat. Oh, shit. I don't even have it on me. And my phone's dead. You take Cash App. You do the one that people have the least. There were a few times, more than a few in LA Where we'd go somewhere and I'd just be like

I can't I can't pay for anything And you know Everybody was always cool about it But it's a tough feeling You got a baseball steak You did That was so weird

I don't think it was cheaper than a regular steak. That's what I'm saying. I don't think it was cheaper than steak. I didn't mind letting IK pay for all the Jameson they had, but I couldn't bother with $5 more of a steak. Yeah. I think I got roofied that night. That was.

Outback Steak Nice. That was a normally night. It was Solomon. We went to the Austin Powers um pop-up bar yeah we did go to that Austin Powers bar for Becky's sister's birthday and then we went to the then we it was a weird one it wasn't a natural something happened I don't know what it was but I only had a few drinks and this was back in my I can have a lot of drinks and I like blacked out early and puked everywhere like I got very sick. Who got you?

I don't know. Awesome Powers. Fucking Dr. Evil at least. I might've been Austin. I think he was probably about that life too. It was Mr. Bagelsworth. We took pictures with him, right? Yeah.

Oh, we did. Wait, they had an impersonator in the bar? Yeah. That was the whole thing. It was an Austin Powers pop-up. Oh, okay. Yeah. And that means just like the fake cast was there? Yeah. Yeah. I was the whole thing. It was an Austin Powers pop-up. Oh, okay. Yeah. And that means just like the fake cast was there?

Yeah. Yeah. I have a picture. There was a fake Austin Powers. They had all the shagadelic carpet and shit. Like all the like people walking around dressed like henchmen, like passing out. It was really fun.

Like once an hour, they had like an Austin Powers dance party kind of thing where they would play the ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Do-do-do-do. Ba-ba-ba. And like Austin Powers would go up and like dance and say yeah baby what a cool

oh my god you pulled that very quickly oh I think I've seen that he pops up with a lot of people oh yeah that was the caption I'm very funny another fun thing to do on Venmo is to go down the

feed that they have for some reason. Make it private. What are you all doing? Mine stays private. I don't need you to know where my money's moving. I don't like it when other people like my payment, like if I accidentally or somebody sent me one that's not private,

and somebody randomly likes it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Quit pocket watching. This is not likes it. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't watch it. Pocket watching. Yeah. This is not about you. Quit pocket watching. Ellen Venk paid Anna Walter an undisclosed amount of money for a champagne and a melty face.

Yeah, mine's private. And it's always just a piece of pizza that I put, even though it's private. Because you have to put something, which that's a weird. You have to put something, right? You can't just send private. I still, because you have to put something, which, that's a weird, you have to put something, right? You can't just send money without putting a period or something. Yeah. Yeah, that's an odd one. They tax it now. It's funny when you're like, hey,

this is for the drugs. This is for all those mushrooms. Yeah. This is, spell it out, this is for all of those mushrooms you sold me. Oh, that's funny. I'll make it on private and just do that. Shane Torres paid Matt Layshock for wraps and then separately for Jim. Wraps with a W?

Wraps with a W. He paid him for some bars. Bars. Dropped a guest first. Bars. This is also revealing your app picks are revealing. I don't go out. So when you said Venmo, I'm like, oh, I see the value, but I don't open it ever.

But it's because you are social and I. Yeah. I use it all the time. You're going somewhere with all those Ubers, Katie Nolan. That's a good point. I think it's drafted based off of my old when I lived in Hoboken and I had a job I needed. Now I just text. That's fair. off of my old, when I lived in Hoboken and I had a job I needed. Now I just text.

Do you subways any of that stuff now that you're in New York more? Yeah, not when it's underwater. Not when there's water gushing out of the tiles, which is sick. But yeah, I'll use it. Especially if it's not too hot. In the summer? Oh, it's gross.

Oh, it's gross. I'm a lady of the people, it's gross. Oh, it's gross. Yeah, I'll do. I'm a lady of the people. Soup's later. Soup's later. I lost the thread for one second. Subway. Subway.

Oh. The transportation, not the sandwich shop. Oh, okay, okay. I don't like soup in the summer either. But also, Subway, when it's hot, is gross, too. Yeah, yeah. Well, not a seafood sensation. It's refreshing. That's insane. Oh my God.

That's nuts. Oh my God. That's the name of a thing? Seafood sensation? Yeah. It's kind of discontinued but it was imitation. As it should be. It was imitation crab. It was good. Oh my God. I couldn't get. That's the one Subway I really couldn't get behind.

I mean, I guess tuna, I'd rather that than tuna. Cause it's imitation crab. So it's, it's admits it's pretending to be something. It's not. Whereas what is the tuna?

Tuna. Probably tuna. Hopefully. Imitation crab is pressed white fish. So it's not like, Oh, it is. Yeah.

I thought that meant it wasn't fish no it's fish it's like a pressed white fish that's boiled with crab shells to get sort of a crab essence it never gets it across the finish line for me though i thought every time i have image is crab rangoon cream cheese crab rangoon is called crab rangoon because it resembled there's not always crab in it it's because it resembles a crab yeah but i feel like there's never a crab in there yeah almost there's little baby chunks but it's usually white fish now i know damn which is funny because they put that pink stuff on it to make it look like a crab and it's just painted fish they do they paint the fish they paint the white fish with uh some sort of food dye hopefully food

dye you never know you never know look we're talking about appetizers anyway yeah see can you still get immigration imitation crab in california did they cut is that one of the things they cut out i could see you guys doing that no straws no bags no skittles and i used to love nothing more than jamming a straw into a bag of imitation crab like a pretty son. A big boba straw? On a hot day? On a hot day.

And scream inhaling it? Yeah. Oh, man. Like that? On your rollerblades going right down Rockland? Oh, yeah. Me and King, dude. Sean, tell me your first and second picks. Well, in the vein of yours,

I'm going to pick Safari for my first pick. Not a Chrome guy, huh? Yeah, I just use Safari all the time. I don't know. I don't really care. Whatever gets me on the internet. But yeah, just all the you know all the websites man how many tabs do you have open?

all the websites I have 16 whoa one of them is this one oh nice I have 204 204

are you serious I have a lot of stuff I? Oh, my God. Are you serious? I have a lot of stuff I need to go back to. That's what, so every time I open, it's like posting links and stuff on, you know, when we talk about different apps. But I don't like to look for the links. And so, she's in rice, you guys. I didn't know you could close them. So, I told you about that. I took my mom in because her phone stopped working.

Oh, no. And she had like 10,000 that. I took my mom in because her phone stopped working. Oh, no. And she had like 10,000 open. And the guy's like, whoa. It stopped her phone traffic. It just means like, I didn't know you could have that many open. You can't close them all at once, though. No, not anymore. I think you used to be able to.

But then they realized that's a stupid function. Yeah. realize that's a stupid function. Yeah, I have my four games that I play. Wordle, Actorly, Movietle, and Framed. So those are always open. Why does mine say I favorite Bing? You're a Bing guy?

No, I swear to God. At least I'm using Google on Safari, not Bing on Chrome. I love Bing, dude. Does Bing have an app? It has a thing right here. It probably takes up your whole screen, though. It's one of those big apps.

It's in my favorites. That's wild. Why are there any companies that have an app that's like the size of four normal apps? Like, you think you could buy, you wanted to have a big app? Are we talking about appetizers? Are you talking about like a big square? A combo platter? Like a big square.

Like, if I started a new company and I was like, I want my app to be the size of four. I don't know. Oh, you're saying why can't they? Yeah, I'm going to start like a jump rope company. Why not? Why can't my app just be big? You're going to start a jump rope company?

I've never heard you talk about jump ropes until... Well, there's a lot there. Can you jump rope? Can I jump rope jump ropes until can you jump rope? can I jump rope? yeah can you jump rope? yes that's not a crazy question can I jump rope? that's not a crazy question

just answer the question you're stalling you can't jump rope you've never played the game do we want? To have a jump off? Yes. Are you looking for a rope?

I have one in the garage. I'm looking to see if I can do it in here. I'm looking to see if I can do it in the room. I'm going to go get it. Why'd you look up? He's like, how long would it take to get this thing down? I really have it up there. I'm like, can I jump rope in here?

You can't. You cannot and should not jump rope in that room. No. What? Isn't that like one of the rules? Don't jump rope in the house? It's my fucking house. Whoa.

That's right. That's right. Whose house? The only way I said it like that is because Laura's gone. I would never say that if she could hear me. I think it's the bank and Laura's house and then you, a third in that order. Damn. You had to crush me like that.

Maxine, maybe even above. Maybe even Maxine above. She might have. Look at the sleepy dog. Aww. She's such a sleepy little bitch. Sleepy little bitch. Sleep much, piece of shit?

Hey, watch it. I can call her a bitch because that's what she is technically. She's a female dog. Oh, that's right. I want no parts of this conversation. Safari. And then I'll say Spotify. Okay.

I'll say Spotify. There are a couple more maybe that would get me farther, get a little more use out of. But I use Spotify all the time. All, all the time, like all the walking, driving all the time. I have Apple CarPlay. So I'm just out here with Apple CarPlay.

It's not a big deal. And Spotify. It's really not. No, I mean, it's not a big deal. I have it. No, it's like, it comes pretty standard with a lot of vehicles these days.

Yeah, yeah, it does. And I'm one of those vehicles. And it's not a big deal at all. I got it in my car, which I have. I have a car, you know, got a vehicles. And it's not a big deal at all. I got it in my car, which I have. I have a car. I got a MacBook Pro. It's not whatever.

I'm just out here. I'm sorry I brought up the thing about the bank and Laura. It feels like it's not kind of effective. I bought all this stuff. I definitely didn't have to borrow eight grand from Laura to buy my car. So we don't, I mean. Yeah. Well, that's good.

Your car cost eight grand? 14, baby. Damn, really? Yeah. You got almost halfway. It was funny. yeah well that's good your car cost 8 grand 14 baby damn really he got almost halfway it was funny I was trying to finance it and she's like anyway well personal stuff but yeah Spotify yeah of course

Spotify I don't use Spotify so I'm interested to know what you like about it what don't you what. So I'm interested to know what you like about it. What do you use? Apple Music. As soon as I started to make enough money that I had disposable income, and I was

still, this was during the transition from iTunes to Apple Music, so I had all of my music in iTunes, I would just buy people's albums when I wanted to listen to their music because I felt like if anybody had the ability to buy an album, it's somebody with a disability, like support the artist, you know? So I bought all these albums that I, then immediately they were like, or you can pay

this and then get unlimited streaming. And I'm like, oh, well, at this point I have all the songs I like, I bought them all. And then Apple Music came out and I was like, oh, they'll all be in the same place. So I'll just use that. So that's what I use. I still go buy stuff for people that I try to support. I go buy it on Apple Music. Sean's a good person too. I really just don't use it.

I'll use it on Airplane sometimes. Because it's all there. Spotify sometimes doesn't work. You used to buy a new song every time you took a flight. I would just buy a song to every time every time i flew you know i would i would just buy a song to get me through one of my old we just listened to the one song the whole i would listen to so i had i would listen to taylor swift style when i took off and landed every single time for years and years and then i would listen to whatever new song was after that and then before

that so after i took off style was done i'd listen to the movie of your life superstitious stuff i just yeah so anyway that's and oh it's fun just sit in the airport and have a new song to listen to sometimes i'd like tweet about it and people give me recommendations sean what's the last new album you bought to support to support somebody atmosphere's newest album uh when when did that come out? Last year, I want to say. You know what I was just thinking about is I got to go buy Kyle's Shocks and Struts is what I got to buy.

I haven't bought that yet, but I have been listening. Why buy the cow? Yeah. Glug, glug, glug. What came out this year? It was earlier this year. Drink that free milk, baby.

All right. So you guys like Spotify and you have the ad-free one? I don't have Spotify. I do Spotify. I use Spotify. What do you use? You're just like,

I like to listen to silence. Yeah. I just put in my headphones and play nothing, but make sure people don't approach me. That's great. That's a good move.

Do you really? You sit there, you sit there like running quiet? Sometimes I do do that, yeah. Like in airports and stuff. In an airport,

I'll do it. Where like if you're sitting, you don't want someone to strike up a conversation at the bar. But you do want to be able to hear if there's like an announcement,

so you just put your hands up. Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, yeah. I used to do it on the bus too because the bus is wild. I do it on the street sometimes too, yeah. As a woman woman I never

take a map and I never got airpods because I'm like no no I need them to know don't talk to me airpods don't seem safe to me I would lose airpods I think my ear's too small and it just shoots them out and then they're going to fall between a

airplane seat and then you're like well there goes that $100 piece of equipment. I saw somebody had to just up everybody in their hole with nine people. So they were in the middle. The three people in front of them, two on either side, and the three in back of them, they were all involved in looking

for this air pod that fell out of something. It was a night flight. All the flashlights were on. This dude is on the floor in the aisle. Everyone's standing up. It was nuts. I don I'd be so embarrassed. All the flashlights were on. This dude is on the floor in the aisle. Everyone's standing up. It was nuts. I don't even think they found it either. Who we got there, Ian? What's going on right there? There's my little cat, Addie.

I love little pets. She likes to flop down next to Dad when he's sitting on the couch. She's about as sweet as it gets, cat-wise. Yeah, which is not that sweet. Not that sweet, but she's incredible. What as it gets cat wise yeah which is not that sweet not that sweet but she's what do you call a what do you call a cat bitch usually something like megan is there not a is there not a fun term for that?

There has to be. What do you call a cat bitch? The guy who abstained from the conversation before. Is she a bitch? She could be a little bit of a bitch. What do you call a cat bitch? What's a female cat called? Oh, there's three different. A molly,

a queen, or a damn. A damn? Damn! Damn, what a bitch! Talking to a cat, pointing at a dog. Damn, what a bitch! Damn, what a bitch! A completely acceptable sentence.

We can say it in church. Yeah, which is totally okay. Spotify. If you're listening to this on Spotify or any other app, thank you. Yeah, preach. David, time for your second pick. Podcast. My second pick is going to be only boring

ones now. It's all I got left. YouTube? Yeah, man. Isn't that boring? I watch a lot of YouTube. A lot of dumb videos. Unfortunately, there's a lot of

videos about comedy now that I get sucked into like a fucking goon and wait are you talking about those like um those like hour-long documentaries that people make now that are like crazy exposing why uh tom segura hates poor people yeah you're never gonna believe what brendan shobb did last night because it's always like it's always Brendan Schaub heavy internet community it's just like the length of time to get from like right when you

grab your phone from security to when you get to the gate it feels like it's like they're the perfect length and I go deep on those it's not great a lot of like production value into some of those like exposing comedian videos it's like if you applied yourself half that much to learning like i don't know airplane

mechanics or coding or like something like you you could have a great job within a couple years for love of the game and yeah i only do it for comedians i don't know those so that like it's never my friends although i was watching one and somebody claimed that one of my friends is an industry plant the other day. And I was like, this is too close to home. Who was the plant? This guy said Sam was. Sam J? Sam Talent.

Oh, Sam Talent? He was like, the guy was like, well, you know, there's all these guys, and I know they have dedicated PR teams. They were planned. It's so-and-so. It's so-and-so. It's Sam Talent. And I was like, brother, if you knew how wrong Sam Talent is. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. That's shocking that somebody would say that. It was crazy. It fucked me up, too. I was like, I got to stop listening to this shit. Well, yeah, because now he's proven he doesn't know anything. We'll see. But I'm going to assume it was a guy.

It's a he, Katie. It's just a safe assumption. Yeah, it's a dude. The only thing that's been proven is that David doesn't know Sam Talent as well as he went I was going to say. Industry plan, Sam Talent. Yeah, you can't just name somebody talent. It was too obvious.

They're hiding in plain sight. Right. But also, he would have been inserted in the ninth grade was when I met him, and he was the funniest guy ever. Deep state, dude. I wonder what Sam would dress like if he could pick his own clothes. Exactly like the way he dresses now. Yeah, no, I don't think those guys know anything. It's just kind of funny.

Hey, don't do that. That's weird. Hey, stop. She sniffs where her butt was on the couch. Okay, who amongst us? They're just like we are. We don't all have health insurance. You know what I mean?

Sometimes you just gotta look into it for yourself. You can tell by the smell if it's sour. Yeah. She's like ashamed. Yeah ashamed yeah youtube youtube's what happens at the airport all the time that's the airport yeah a lot of youtube is good it's just there's so many rabbit holes to go down and then you're watching like how come alan iverson's rap career never took off you know what i mean dav David Stern bought Jive. I know. We all watched it. But yeah, I use it a lot.

It's fucked. I don't think it's great. I just, you know, I don't know. An average of 2,500 new videos are uploaded to YouTube every minute, amounting to 183 hours of video content with an average of video length of four and a half minutes.

Stresses me out. Every minute. Right? Like that if you started watching it right now, you could watch it for the rest of your life. There's no bottom. You would never catch up. That's crazy. There's no bottom. The algorithm will just keep pushing you further and further right until you're left again. Yeah.

It's pretty crazy. We see it happening, Justin. That happens all the time. Do you ever click on one thing? Out of curiosity. Out of curiosity completely. I just want to know. I'm getting all these fucking Liver King videos or whatever. You know what I'm saying? I hate that shit.

Yeah, you're like, what kind of intermittent fasting is right for me? And then like three months later, you're like, women shouldn't vote, right? I'm like, oh, maybe I should put MCT oil in my coffee. And then three weeks later, I'm like, yes, Jordan Peterson, assign me a man when I'm born. You know, it's wild. You watch so much of it that the commercial, the ads start being what you're like, oh, now talk to me about this mud stuff.

I watched like a four-minute ad on that mud drink that was before the video that I even wanted to watch. What's happening? What's mud drink? Is somebody selling you mud, Sean? I got sick of drinking coffee and I'm like, I'm sick of drinking coffee. You are. Damn near whispered it out loud to myself. And then he's like, this is a perfect,

I watched a four minute about how it gets y'all shredded. I mean, it doesn't, but I watched the whole thing. They got me. Are you going to get some? Nope, I'm not going to get any mud. Well, they didn't fully get you then.

They're working on it. But here they are getting free publicity. I know. If they do a fucking collaboration with Mountain Dew, they'll have you. Oh, Mud and Dew? Easy.

Mud and Dew? Get some Mud and Dew for days. Mud flavored Mountain Dew, give it to me. Oh, Mud and Dew? Mud and Dew. Get some Mud and Dew for days. Mud-flavored Mountain Dew, give it to me. It's still going to be good. No, I don't think it is. Katie, time for your second pick. It is? Oh, yeah.

All right, in that case, I'm going to take the Notes app. Oh, fuck! In a room full of comics, I really thought that would go earlier. Maybe you guys have actual notebooks. Yeah, I really thought that would go earlier. My notes have those. You guys have actual notebooks. Right now.

I keep getting me and Jay-Z up here. There's a lot going on in here. I've got just little, and a lot of times, even when I make a note, even knowing that there's going to come a day where I need to find that note, so I should put words in it that make it easy to find in a search. I always manage to screw it up and be like, oh, this word will be the word I need. And then I'm like, who wrote this? Why did I? And then I never find them. So I just have like,

it's like a graveyard of half funny thoughts. Same. How far back's your first note? Once a few years. My most recent note is just wings, poppers, crackles, shroom. All the apps you're going to download. Wings, poppers. Anam, shroom. All the apps you're going to download. Wings, poppers. Adam Amay.

Good for Adam Amay. Yeah. My oldest one is that my mom used to have a signature on her text, and she did. They all said Team Edward on them. That's hilarious. So she'd text me serious stuff,

and then it would just say Team Edward. And yeah, I had to get it off there for her. I used to work with this kid whose text signature was, fight till my heart's black and blue. So it would be like, but it would be like mundane. You know what I mean? He'd be like, hey, did you grab those buckets? Fight till my heart's black and blue.

That's what my mom would be like. Yeah, sorry, Lynn's in the hospital. My mom would be like, yeah, sorry. Lynn's in the hospital team, Edward. And then it had a little squiggle line on either end of team Edwards. Oh yeah. Church it up a little bit.

My oldest note is from December of 2012. Whoa. There you go. Mine goes back to 2017 is how far. Mine's 2016. I think. And and it says remember vote for donald trump oh lake fleet that's my oldest one oh yeah oh that's october 11th 2017 that's so late oh that's dank this also says step Stefan Arkell didn't have a job. That was probably going to be a good bit. What did Stefan Arkell do?

Exactly. He just lived off Urkel. He was like getting money off the girls, probably. Yeah. Did Urkel have a job? Could you pay my phone bill this month? Like that kind of stuff. Right.

Hobosexual, I believe. The term is. Well, I've never heard that. That's a funny one. Katie, all of your. Never heard of homosexual. Oh, sorry. I thought we were going to talk about homosexual more.

No, I just never heard it. It's, yeah. Ask and answer. Katie, a lot of your big apologies you do off a notes app and then you. Yeah, that's the other reason because it allows me to say all of the ways I've actually been victimized in this situation in one tweet. So I don't have to send a thread. I can just screen grab my notes app where I say, like, it's been so hard for me over the last couple days with everybody being meanies. If you were offended by my actions, I apologize.

But if you weren't, I'm high-fiving you. Yeah. Right. Because like you get it. But if you weren't, you can join my sub stack. Right. For free. I'll give you a discount for the first two months at least.

Yeah. Mine are all just scripts from when I was doing daily videos. So it's just like monday 318 tuesday 319 and they're all just um really bad jokes so mine are all i don't know what the fuck this is those are the old ones you got me yeah that's a lot of it some of these are like afe lists and i can't remember the draft pudding bologna swings swings, Legos, bubblegum, fruit snacks, bedtime? Stuff we wish that could replace our organs. I think stuff I missed from childhood. I think you're right.

Had to be. Pudding? Had to be. Pudding, bedtimes. You can have pudding, man. Okay, guy. This one just says suspicious and there's nothing. Here we go.

Here's a good one I'll give to you guys for free. This was clearly, I had smoked a little bit of weed and thought this was genius. Plot idea is the name of the note. Yep. We beat the machines.

We're in the future. We can't turn any electronics on so nobody knows how to do anything. Comedy ensues. That's very funny. So somebody write that down so I can delete it. This just says everybody at the Y. I mean, that's true.

That's true. That's right. That's so right. Everybody at the Y. Excellent. Time for my second and third picks as it is a serpentine draft shout out to the notes app shout out to notes app

alright I'm going to take FaceTime I'm going yeah I'm going deep comes with the iPhone ass apps I just love this one I am the only member of my family I'm going deep. It comes with the iPhone-ass apps. I just love this one.

I am the only member of my family who doesn't live in Portland. I miss a lot of events. There is a pretty low ceiling on how good a FaceTime can be, but there's also a pretty high floor. You know what I mean? Like, oftentimes the phone will get passed around the party. I have no idea what anyone is saying, but it's nice to see people.

It's nice to get a little bit of, if you'll forgive me, FaceTime with folks who usually are on the phone with. Oh, wow. And that's why they did that. That's why they did that. I was resistant to it for years. Were you? Yeah, I do it mostly with family now. Yeah, same. I don't want to FaceTime anyone who's not family.

What's the etiquette on a FaceTime out of nowhere? No, same. I don't want to FaceTime anyone who's not family. What's the etiquette on a FaceTime out of nowhere? No, never. You hear me, Blair Saki? Never! I usually pick it up. It's fun, I think. It's usually something pretty... That's the thing. It's never

bad. We got into this with Shane because he had always answered the FaceTimes. He's like, what if it's something bad? We're like, we're not FaceTiming you at 3am with bad news. If Ian's dead, I'm going to call you. I'm not going to show you. If Ian's dead, the police are going to call him. Alright.

Let's be very honest about how that's going to go down. I feel like whenever I get a FaceTime out of nowhere, I have just like popped three giant pimples on my face. And then all of a sudden there's a FaceTime and I'm like, I can't, uh, I can't answer this. And then I miss out on like something. Oh, we're with, you know, somebody cool. Bill Maher? Yeah. Like you'd be really excited if it was Bill Maher. I'd be like new rule. Only FaceTime me out of nowhere. David just took off. I'm going to take off too.

Wait, what? I won't answer if I can't get like loud. He'll probably go to the bathroom. Why are they doing it at the same time? We're in the middle of a draft. Keep talking. Yeah, they might as well. Keep talking, he said.

Two birds. Sean, it's just us now. I'll fill in. I'll be the third. You can need a buffer. Wow, jumped at the opportunity. Wow, no, I'm not that power hungry. If I'm just sitting on the couch or something and it's like, it's not a, we don't have a

big house. So like if everyone's asleep, I won't answer FaceTime because I can't match the level of whatever's probably happening on the other end of the FaceTime. Oh, sure. Sure, yeah. I get what you're saying. Then I won't answer it. But almost every other time, because yeah, it's always, well, you know, kind of fun.

It also has been amazing with a kid because my mom doesn't live here, obviously. So we can just FaceTime. And like Maxine knows my mom. She's only met her like three, four times, but she knows her through FaceTime. So it's pretty wild. It's adorable. You can like stay connected and like open gifs and stuff like my mom will send gifs and i'll facetime her and we'll open it and you know she's like thank

you grandma kelly stuff like that and it is like it's like the stuff the internet should be for of like oh you can reach any person anywhere and see them and talk to them not you know you can yell at a bunch of famous people who have opinions you don't like absolutely And get your own research from a man who's never opened a book before. Like that's the stuff that we sometimes use. What do I have to do with any of this? Yeah. Why are you insulting Sean out of the whole sudden? Why are you going to rip me apart?

I'm trying to be all sentimental. David, what came in the mail? Ah, some hoodie. Oh, okay. I thought we were going to get the reveal since you opened the package like you were on a YouTube video. Yeah, I forgot you guys could see me for a second. That's my fault. I wore my peach merch the other day.

It was sick. Oh, did you? It's so funny. After shows, you'll just see people around wearing a peach hat. It's like a very funny hat. I've been calling it my Sioux Falls shirt because it says Sioux Falls on the back. So I've been calling it my new Sioux Falls shirt.

I mean, you know. Yeah, no, FaceTime. I i love it i love it now just nice way to stay in touch with the old fam and now i use whatsapp but oh that's a good one too but you are you're international yep mr international player with a passport that's right i think i'm going to no you know You know what? I'm staying in the... It comes with the phone. Staying on the bottom? I'm staying on the bottom. I'm taking weather.

Oh, yeah. Whoa. I never use it. That's not a bad one. I use weather all the time. Dude, I'm such a psycho. I just Google weather in Pittsburgh. I never use it.

That works, too. I know. I don't know. That works, too. Yeah. I don't know why. I check the weather on every city, on every major city from A to B when I fly somewhere just so I know if there's going to be clouds.

I get crazy. Clouds are what you're worried about? Storms. You know, just rough air. And this, who knows if I have, this could probably be completely wrong, but if it's clear skies, I assume it's going to be a good flight and that at least gets me through the first part. So I'm always checking weather.

I like the weather app. I'm always checking it too. I like the little graphics that they do in the back room. When it's a thunderstorm. When it rains. Yeah. I find it very placid. Yeah.

When the lightning actually, it'll flash lightning on the app. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, clear blue skies in paris you know what i mean at night it's nice it's good to know what are the cities that you keep in there i know dan ceremoniously because he'll put in whatever city he's going to and then when he's done with the city he like deletes it i'm like okay i don't need to know anymore but like you

i feel like everybody keeps a couple cities. LA, New York, Portland. Yeah. Vegas, London, Paris. Palm Springs, Denver, Austin. Minneapolis, Seattle, San Francisco. Newark, Chicago. Shout out. Kauai, Miami, Cupertino.

I got to get some stuff out of here. Yeah. Some of those don't need to be there. I got Sioux Falls, Portland, LA, Seattle, Phoenix, Denver, New York, San Francisco, Minneapolis. Oh, that's good.

I got Denver, Santa Clara, New York, Denver again, Vegas, LA, Valley Village, and Cupertino. Because, LA, Valley Village. Because I lived in Valley Village, remember? It's got a microclimate all its own. Yeah. It's 70 right now.

Why do I have Indianapolis on here? Bye. I was just there. It was very fun. For the combine, probably. Bye. They call it nap town. Leader.

Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you, Indianapolis. You know it's 10 degrees warmer in Tel Aviv than it is in Jerusalem? I did know that. Of course I knew that. We all knew. We stay knowing that. Sick. Sick.

Oh, I like the little shooting stars in paris when it's clear and it's night right it's whimsical it makes you want to go it's it's wonderful yeah uh yeah i love the i love the weather app i travel a lot i often travel to a few of the same cities portland la new york so it's like good to keep an eye on what's going on there how i need to pack denver for sure that's always i'm always wondering what's going on there. How I need to pack. Denver for sure. I'm always wondering what's going on in Denver. That's my third pick. Clear. Usually clear.

Katie, time for your third pick. Now Alright. Well, if I get Uber, do I get Uber? Or is that a separate app? It's in the same app now, isn't it? Or no? I think I do it in the app, but I think it opens a second app.

Like when you click on delivery, I think it takes you to another app. It's a different app. It's a different app. It is a different. Okay. So then I should probably eat because I don't, I eat food off delivery apps. So I have to draft one or I'm going hungry. So I'm going to do Grubhub.

Ooh. Sure, okay. Now listen, I know there's more popular ones. I know there's better ones. I know it's probably, I'm due for like an update or a refresh on like, let me act like I'm getting into the game for the very first time now and figure out what the best app is.

The thing is, I've been in this game since it started and I've been, I've just been on Grubhub since like. I get it. Yeah, keep it going. Why not? So that's what I... It's the first one I opened. It's not always the one I use, but it is the first one I opened. I will say, once I moved into a major city, which was this year, you don't realize how... And probably the pandemic affected this too, because everybody became a delivery restaurant if they weren't before. And so now it's like, there's so many options within a delivery radius to me in this city that it's like impossible. If you're one of those people that will like scroll Netflix and never actually settle on

something to watch, I can scroll through and be like, I could eat at any, I could eat at any of these places. Yeah. Maybe I'm a crab legs guy. Yeah. Or just maybe take white fish, chop it up real thin, paint it pink. You probably painted it before. And then call it crab. Just as good. And then douse it in mayonnaise and put it in the Subway loaf. And you're at the races. Loaf is the funniest.

But they called it seafood delight. Did it have any other seafood in it? I was picturing tiny shrimps. Seafood sensation. Oh, that's what it was. It was also called alternately seafood and crab. So there must have been other seafood

in it. Must have been something else. Yeah. I don't know what. Maybe two. It was delicious. It was very good. Would it be better to know or not know? Not know. The mayo's there for a reason. Don't tell me everything. The sea is a vast and mysterious place. It's true. Could be whale meat on there for a reason. Don't tell me everything. The sea is a vast and mysterious place.

That's true. Could be whale meat on there for all we know. I don't need to know. You know, you retweeted that video of somebody showing like, this is your great Taco Bell. And it was like them putting in cat food or whatever, pouring water. It was beans. It was just beans.

It was rehydrating dehydrated beans. Give it to me. Whatever it is. Get over yourselves. No, we don't care. We don't care. We don't care. We know it's Taco Bell. You think I think I'm eating good in the neighborhood?

We're not in an Applebee's. No. For God's sake. Come on. They're bringing back dollar margaritas, by the way. Dollar marks? I saw that. On 82nd and Portland Holy Rockets, dude.

I got a piece like mile and a half from the crib. Pretty crazy. Times are bad. Yeah. I remember a bunch of my buddies went to one. I was on the road and the pictures just devolved. It started out like all four of them like, yeah, we're at Applebee's. And by the fifth picture, nobody has a shirt on.

Still happily in Applebee's. Yeah, they can stay. Wasted. It's just that one offspring song. Like one got wasted. The other's a waste. Somebody's dead. Somebody's just the, that one offspring song, like one got wasted. The other is a waste. Somebody's dead. Somebody's in jail.

Yeah. Anyways. Yeah. You know, Applebee's saw that Uber was getting the DUI numbers down and had to get involved in the game. Put his thumb on the scale. A little bit.

Yeah. Balance out the universe. Yeah. The universe seeks balance via Applebee's. So yeah. Grubhub. We, um. We use that an embarrassing amount

because listen. Same. It's gross. I'm not that good at grocery shopping. It's hard to do and it's expensive and if you don't do it right,

you end up throwing away half the food anyway. He is gone most weekends so it's like shopping for the both of us is impossible because sometimes he's home,

sometimes he's not. Are these all excuses? Maybe. But there are people out there who make food and need money and I can give them my money in exchange for the food. And so I do that quite a bit. It's social work. It's social work what you're doing, really. If you think about it.

Yeah. If you think about it. Yeah, that's what it is. Right. Social work. I support the restaurant workers. So maybe you guys are out here trying to take their jobs by cooking yourself a fettuccine Alfredo, but not me.

No, I don't. No, I'm with you. I ordered. I don't know why. Sean does have the Alfredo. The fettuccine that he struggles with. I cook it a lot. Yeah, I just got little tortillas I roll up

and skip the middleman, you know? Dave, time for your third pick. up and skip the middleman, you know? Dave, it's time for your third pick. My third pick, I am going to go Zillow. Yes. Okay. Man.

I've gotten three apartments on there, and I've also daydreamed my life away. It's so fun. Just looking at houses, looking at rooms and houses. I have set up so many alternate lives for myself on Zillow. Just like building a little life in Tallahassee. Well, look at me. I'm in Ann Arbor. Maybe I mostly write books now.

I have this beautiful $800,000 house on the lake and I'm living. I just live on St. Simon Island. And you know, that's it. That's me now. i know the bakery i walk to i know the bookstore that like you know i have like a light flirtation with the old lady who works there we get along great you know like 100 fake lives for myself just based on zillow listings dana will send me ones both in chicago and portland which i think is very political of her. Yeah. It is. It is. Yeah, that's tough.

Just all the time. And I'm like, let's move. And she's like, no, I like LA. But I'm fucking, I'm ready. Zillow is dangerous. No, Zillow is fine. I'll risk it all. Because you assume that that price is exactly the price they want.

You know exactly the way it's going to shake out. You know what I mean? So I'm like, yeah, I could get this. I could buy this place. Yep. And then you start, you know,

looking or whatever and Laura would be like, it's going to go for at least $100,000 more than that. That's just, that's asking. I'm like, no, well, let's,

you know. Remember when it used to be below? When you used to be like, oh, that's asking. You can offer below. Now it's like, well, now you're competing against a bunch of people who also need a house cash skipping with interest

rates maybe where they are right now that's not necessarily the case and the goings on and the goings on and whatnot depending on the market uh there's also you can go on like that like zillow gone wild type stuff where there's what oh the florida keys well you just like you click there's certain zillows where you click on it and you're like look at the tour of this house and then it's like seems normal seems normal seems normal room full of ventriloquist dummies closet in that room that opens up to a bowling alley where it's like other ventriloquist dummies posed for sex acts you know like it's It's crazy. Full grottos inside people's houses in Grants Pass, Oregon.

Just insane shit. It's fun to see what people do. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, okay. The vision they have. You're like, whoa, you really saw this room as a jungle office

and then you made it into a jungle office. I respect that. It'll get a water slide? Come on. Yeah, you saw it through. Would I do it? No, but you did.

And I'm happy to be able to see it. I'm sad that you have to sell. You'll find like a cattle baron in Omaha who turned his basement into a very realistic looking Roman street.

Like that stuff is out there. And when they sell that house, you get to see it on Zillow. I love it. Also, athlete homes every now and then pop their way on there that's fun and i mean it is a good resource i found my last three apartments on zillow like it is very it's pretty great we should they're like an evil company that buy like helps buy up houses in bulk and then rents them out but who's not evil these days

yeah it's all bad there's no ethical consumption under capitalism. I don't think any of you are evil. Allegedly? Oh, I'm evil. I don't think you have to. I don't think you have to say that anymore. I don't have to say allegedly? None of you are evil.

I'm evil. I'm evil. Really, it's funny. All of these apps, I feel like you have to say, start with a caveat of like, I don't support the way they've displaced workers in this industry, and I wish I didn't support the way they've displaced workers in this industry, and I wish

I didn't participate in this one cultural ritual, but I do, and I'm drafting. Crap up. No ethical consumerism under capitalism. That's so right. It's just so... Preach. Yeah.

I've been saying, I tattooed on a full tattoo on my back of that. Sean, the most evil dude I know. Time for your third pick. I mean, Instagram. I like Instagram. You're already defensive. Stop yelling at me. Instagram.

It's tough because it is everybody I feel like has a weird relationship with Instagram, but if I get what I want, which is skateboarding and fight videos and shoes, then I have a great time with Instagram. I'm on Instagram the most by far. I checked today. I'm on Instagram like 80% more than anything else. So really two years ago, Instagram would have been so high on my draft list.

Yeah. And then comedians, because of the industry, had to start posting videos all the time, including me. You ever seen any crowd work? No, I'm looking for it. Have you ever seen a comedian own a heckler? Very excited to see my first video of that. I can't wait. It's pretty cool.

Very excited about crowd work. that i can't wait it's pretty cool very excited about crowd work and now my entire timeline because like i follow friends and i don't want to unfollow my friends is just an endless sea of stand-up videos and i post them too i'm not i'm not exempt in this conversation but it's just like it makes it that you don't look at it though all my all my instagram is like promo for tours so it's like i don't want to see that or even see people interact with it. Just buy the goddamn tickets. I have fun. I still get to watch plenty of skateboarding.

Like that's it's. So the same thing that's happened in standup is happening in skateboarding, but I'm not a professional skateboarder. So I love it because they all have to post footage all the time. And so I get to see all of this stuff constantly. And also it's a really good way to stay in touch with people who want to reach out. I don't know. I still answer every message and it doesn't, you know, it's not crazy. It's 10 a day or something. And, uh, that's a lot.

That's a lot. What happens when you take off? What happens when that star just shines and you've got a hundred a day, then what now you've built? Now you're in a prison of your own making. I'll answer him as long as… I don't know. It makes me feel very special when somebody reaches out and says something nice. I mean, people do so much more than mean stuff. I've only had like two or three mean ones. All the rest are people reaching out and saying they're appreciative of this.

Two or three mean ones. I had one guy shit on me. Two or three mean ones. One guy said I was mean to rollerbladers. He's like, I love Ian and David because they're real, but you're just one of those people that probably called people gay in high school. And I was like, to be fair.

Yeah. But he was like, you treat rollerbladers the way that whatever. And I was like, man, I'm sorry if it came across that way. And then he came at me again. I was like, it looks stupid. What do you want me to say? But I was like, I'm not being rude.

I'm just telling you, man. We got into it a little bit. And then he never responded. He probably will after this because he still listens to the show. Bizarre. David and I are real, though. You got to hand it to him. We're so real.

We don't have any opinions on rollerbladers. I love rollerblading. I think it's them. We're so real. We don't have any opinions on rollerbladers. I love rollerblading. I think it's great. Hit me up. Can you censor this? I feel like she doesn't realize she's showing the world everything she's got. Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

She's in her draw me like one of your French girls pose. Under a painting of her? That is decadent. That's actually a Lego creation of her. I made that. Under her status. She's already been Lego'd like 100 French girls. With her tag team championship belt.

Katie's talking about her dog, Merle. That dog's got a good life. She's got it good. Yeah, what are you doing in that dog's house, I gotta ask. If I had to guess who owns the place. This is her room. I'm in her room. She lets you PAWD in there. Sean? Nice. Really good, Sean. I'm in her room. She lets you P-A-W-D in there.

Nice. Really good, Sean. Really good stuff. Now, Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. Katie was talking about her dog posing suggestively on the couch behind her for the list. Instagram.

Sean, it's time for your fourth pick, and we're going to get to that pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before,

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are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit

on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there, it's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you

don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely

important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for zero additional charge. They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-help.com slash all fantasy. Hey, we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy everything. A vibe.

That's one that I don't think is going to make it for me. I don't think vibe is going to be something I can ever say. AFE, it's a vibe. You don't think you can say vibe? Not like that. I couldn't be like, oh, it's a vibe. I can see you saying can say what's the vibe i could say i've got vibed out of places like i've gotten vibed out of the skate park before but i don't think i could be like it's a vibe it is literally a vibe i'm old enough that i'll tell you guys the truth i don't fully know what it means all the time? No. I don't want to. It's not for me.

It feels like it goes back and forth a lot. It feels like a way to describe something without having to describe it, much like what that generation has done with the term aesthetic. Oh, I was about to bring that up! Which used to mean like, oh, it is a certain aesthetic, like it's a certain type of visual look

and now it just means like, that's so aesthetic which means like, it's visually pleasing to me, but it doesn't describe it in any way. So it's like a very undescriptive descriptor. It's become short. It's like a vibe or a mood. Which mood? Yeah.

Which mood is it? Kids are out here. It's a big one. Big mood. Last night was a movie. What movie? Yeah. Oh,

I hate that one. Oh, that's, yeah. You know, we're just getting away from the thing. I forget about that one. We're getting too far away from the thing. Kids.

Of it all. Kids. Was the movie. No. Oh, I hope it... Last night? This most recent last night? That sucks.

Oh, no. Man, what if that was someone's vibe? Was kids. Yeah, that's my vibe. Harmony Korine. Somebody else's one word. The movie Kids. Aesthetic vibe my vibe. Harmony Corrine. Somebody else's one word. The movie kids. Aesthetic vibe and movie.

And mood. Kids. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I'm going to go... I'm going to go IMDb. I have a lot of fun on IMDb. Yeah, I always poke around. You're just having a little perusal.

Yeah, I get... That's a good one. A good safe one to numb out on. There's nothing like if. Oh, what am I watching right now? Can't even think of what I was watching. Blood in, blood out. Yeah, exactly.

I was watching Blood in, Blood out. And just looking through, seeing like Benjamin Bratt, you go through his IMDb or like seeing Tuco. Raymond Cruz is his real name. I found out through IMDb yesterday or a couple of days ago. Then just go and be like, oh, shit, I didn't know Tuco was in that. And then as you're looking at the whole thing, you're like, stop calling him Tuco. He's done a lot more than that. He's Raymond Cruz.

He's not Tuco. But you still call him Miklo, right? Miklo. Dude, that guy didn't really do anything. Not much. Pobre milkweed. I'm a Pillsbury Doughman. Sorry, I could quote that movie forever.

It's called Bound by Blood. I didn't know that unless I was on IMDb because I was like, Bound by Honor. Because I was looking, I was like, am I crazy? Did you say Bound by Blahner? Bound by Blahner. John's made a hard right turn

into the blood, dude. I am feeling iry. I didn't realize how irie I was feeling but you're right I didn't know that until yesterday it'll have random movie facts which is the dankest you can get all the fun little trivia about movies you can get the birthdays you get the hot goss on there

it's fun and it's all no one's saying bad shit on there yet there's no real way to do it it's all just facts and fun stuff. So IMDb, I'm on a lot. Looking up pictures of people when they first started, you know, like young Christopher Walken, handsome, hot, young Meryl Streep, beautiful.

Everyone was always handsome and beautiful. Current Meryl Streep, beautiful. She said current Meryl Streep, beautiful, Sean. Current Meryl Streep, extremely beautiful. Yeah, oh, that's pandering. Now that's pandering. Probably the best looking woman on the planet. Oh Streep, beautiful, Sean. Current Meryl Streep, extremely beautiful. Yeah. Oh, that's pandering. Now that's pandering. Come on, Sean. Probably the best looking woman on the planet.

Oh, you know what, Sean? To my face? Except for my wife. Except for my wife, Laura. Hurtful. And Katie. Oh, thank... You didn't have to say that.

And Katie Nolan. Nolan. Oh, Sean, that's so sweet. I give up you. I try to do what I can. I do what I can, you know. IMDb. Yeah, IMDb. Internet Movie Database. Internet Movie Database. Sean that's so sweet I try to do what I can I do what I can you know IMDB yeah IMDB internet movie database

internet movie database oh I thought it was I I massive douchebag I massive douchebag good to know though you said the internet movie database internet movie database

I massive douchebag David time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick, and this is, I use it a lot. I do, because it's like the main way I contact with my little brothers. And then we have a group called Family Matters. I got to take Snapchat. Wow. The kids are still using Snapchat like crazy, right?

All the fucking time. Why? All the time. I spent about six months on Snapchat. Is it because it disappears? No, but we're, I mean, these are my little brothers. Yeah, it's not for us. Yeah. But I'm saying, what are they using it for? They just

use it, they both use it like texting. They text, yeah. But you could just text. No, but that's not what's happening. I don't, what do you want from me? I know, I don't know. I'm sorry, you're right. So my friend, my friend's daughter's in high school and she was saying what they'll do

is they'll just take pictures of random shit, all just all day. And then someone, it's just like bait and hook. Like somebody will respond to one of the pictures and then they just start texting. So it's just like a way to initiate a conversation. And they like to keep the streaks going because

you have a streak with your hands. So if you don't respond, they go away. It encourages community and communication. I like that part. I just don't know that I would want a little girl on a disappearing photo app. I feel like it's an unsafe place. Well, like I said,

Katie, I'm talking to my little brother. I don't know why you have to bring it down. Well, that's because that's what I think of when I think of Snapchat. Remember when that one comic learned that you can take a screen grab of a Snapchat live on a podcast and you watched his face go? Because I do. That's what Snapchat makes me think of. I remember that as well. That is a funny video.

I don't remember that. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll send it to you. That sounds funny. All right. That is a funny video. I don't remember that. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll send it to you. All right. It is very funny. In the sense that it's not, you know. My nephew is very wholesome. David's hearing some mysterious sounds.

Did you guys hear that? No. No. Okay. Is there something? I mean, you can see your whole apartment. I still trip out that one time we walked in and there was a dude on the balcony.

That blew my mind. I didn't love it. He was washing my windows. He was washing the windows. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just like, shit, there's a guy out there. Yeah, it wasn't great. Not ideal.

It's amazing that Snapchat has held on like it did. Because it really felt like a flash in the pan and then it was gone. But it's like that snapchat has held on like it did because i i feel like it felt like a flash in the pan and then it was gone but it's like the kids love it do they still do shows as the former host of sports center on snapchat uh that was my when i first got to espn that was my whole job and i was like on this app that i don't know how to use. And then I remember I went out to, I feel like I was in Vegas for like a Snapchat conference because I was a host of a show on their platform. And I think one of the Kardashians,

one of the younger ones tweeted like, Snapchat's so dead or something. And they panic. Everybody was panicking. They were like, our stock is going to go down. This is very bad for us. Yeah, that'd be intense if somebody could just randomly tweet something that could potentially ruin it. It was just scary to be like, hey, can I get something else going on?

Because if this app is going to go down because a beautiful, rich woman tweeted that she didn't like it, I kind of need somewhere else for my stuff to live. I think Shane hosted a snapchat show right yeah the comedy central used to do them i was like the comic of the day or some shit on there and it was like more than being on television i had people i know hit me up like holy shit i saw you on snapchat man i haven't opened it and so i gotta just re-download it because i'm young it's not we're all young because i'm like i'm closer to young than most i'm like i'm six years old yeah i basically only happy birthday thank you thank you yeah it's all just my family

yeah i never really truly figured out Snapchat, if I'm being honest. I never really understood it. It's, you know. There is like a lot of stuff you can do. So that's like my little brother's good at like effects. So he'll send like really funny videos of him doing silly shit. Oh, that's fun. I like that.

That's creative. Yeah, yeah. You can be very creative within it if you want to be. Right. Well, that's good. Now that we've taken that, we did our break but then i forgot to do our plugs which is the thing i keep doing oh no i know no we get them in every time no we're gonna do them right now we're gonna do them right the frig now my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter instagram t TikTok. Follow me on all those things. YouTube,

go ahead and follow me on there too. I'm hitting the road doing stand-up comedy. You can see me this weekend at Magoobies. Magoobies! The funniest comedy club. I'm so excited for you to say it. It's in Timonium, Maryland,

aka Baltimore. That's right. In Timonium, Maryland, a.k.a. Baltimore. That's right. In Timonium, Maryland, at McGibby's Joke House. I will be there tomorrow night, November 3rd, and Saturday, November 4th. Going to be a lot of fun. Come check me out there. And then I will be in Vancouver at the House of Comedy in British Columbia with one Sean Jordan. Driving, baby.

We driving? I checked my passport yesterday. I'm good. We driving. I checked my passport yesterday. We're driving from Portland November 30th through December 3rd. Yeah, we got a Sunday show. I don't know what Sundays are like in Canada, but let's find

out. I don't love Sunday shows. It's going to be a vibe, I'll tell you that. Oh, it's going to be an aesthetic playboy. It's going to be an aesthetic and vibe'll tell you that. Oh, it's going to be an aesthetic playboy. It's going to be an aesthetic and vibe. Yeah. And then the following week, I am in Austin, Texas at the Vulcan Gas Company, December 8th and 9th.

The following month, January. January 4th, I'm in New York City at the City Winery. Oh, hello. Yeah. Well, that's exciting. And we're going to be there early. Jan 4. Yeah, Jan 4. And we're going to be there early. Jan 4. Yeah, Jan 4.

And we're going to get there a little early so we can hang out with Katie Nolan. Hell yeah. Jan 5, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the City Winery. Jan 6, Boston, Massachusetts. City Winery? At the City Winery. What is that? Do you work for Big Winery? It's a chain now.

They do great shows. It's cool. They do great shows. I work for Big Wine. And we a chain now. They do great shows. It's cool. They do great shows. I work for Big Wine. And we're going to fucking make it happen. That short for Big Wine Up De Waste is actually... Big Wine.

I'm feeling iry. We're all going to be feeling iry in Phoenix, Arizona. February. In February, February 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, where we were coming. The only months that you can go there Without We love Phoenix Classically

We've always loved Phoenix We love Phoenix We're thrilled to go And that's why we're doing I do like Phoenix I like it I do too I do too

Tempe Skate Park's Probably the best park I've ever been to We're doing a live AFV there And we're doing Go Diamondbacks Go Diamondbacks We're doing

Stand-up comedy as well So you can come Buy tickets to come see us Do the. We're doing stand-up comedy as well. So you can come buy tickets to come see us, the three of us, do stand-up comedy and do a live All Fantasy everything. And then finally, March 23rd, I am back in Portland, Oregon at Revolution Hall. Wow. Doing an hour, my new hour.

It's going to be a whole lot of fun. It's going to be a great time. Everybody enjoy it. Pre-order T-shirt swim club, my book. Right now, anywhere you can pre-order books. When does it come out? June 21st or something like that. Wow, they pre-order books way ahead.

Are you done writing it yet? I'm done writing it. I'm done writing it. You freak me out. The book process is insane. It's like landing planes. it yet? I'm done writing it. You freak me out. The book process is insane. It's like landing planes. It's all lined up all day.

You have to go on a book tour? Doing a book tour, too. You have to go on a book tour. Are you going to line up your comedy with your book tour dates? That seems like it makes a lot of sense. Are you going to tweet Jackie? Yes. That's the one thing I know. I'm getting a fucking tweet jacket. You're going to tweet about it?

Hey, Sean. You're going to tweet about it? Hey, Sean. Tweeter? We're not doing your dates now, dude. We could bring it down. Coolguyjokes77. His name is David Borey. You can see him on the road. Oh, this is November? November 2.

Second. Oh, tour's over. Leave 2nd. Oh, tour's over. Leave me alone. I'm sleeping. Come see us in Phoenix. I think I have dates that start back up in January or something. But for right now, yeah, I'm going to go to sleep. I'm tired. Oh, yeah.

You deserve it. It's been a long fall. David's thing is come see me in Magoobies. Yeah. Oh, watch. Wait. I don't know. Am I allowed to? Oh, watch. Wait. I don't know. Am I allowed to?

Maybe not. Never mind. We don't know what the strike's going to be doing. Yeah, I don't know. Oh. So I'm not supposed to. If it's over, we'll drop in a little plug. I don't think it comes out.

I don't think the show comes out until Thanksgiving anyways. Isaac, put air horns over that. What show? I got you. Here you go, Isaac. You want that clean? Thank you, Katie. I got you. Here you go, Isaac. You want that clean? Thank you, Katie. I appreciate it. Thank you. Sean Jordan is here

fresh off the heels of a successful album recording. Hey! We got the camera angles yesterday, baby. He did jazz this time? He was doing jazz cello. The whole thing, man. Video, audio. Yeah, subscribe to Sean Jordan Comedy

or Comedian on YouTube for when that drops. November 16th, I'll be at the Tiny House Bar in Omaha. Second show added. First one sold out. Thank you. Wow. It is tiny. December 3rd, I'll be with Awani and Carmel in Canada. And then, yeah, come see us in Phoenix. February

1st through the 3rd. I'm stoked. I'm looking forward to it. Also, I'm going to be selling. I ordered new socks, new merch that I'm going to start selling online. I figured out how to do it. Yeah, I got your socks right over there. And they're buck.

Sean's main plug is don't forget to come see me at Magoobies. Yes, and on your way there, sign up. Buy tickets for the Tiny House Bar in Omaha, Nebraska on November 16th. I feel like you perform in Omaha a lot. Am I wrong about that? I've never performed in Omaha.

Really? I've never done stand-up in Omaha. I did stand-up in Omaha one time at the Crom Festival like eight years ago or something. And you sold it out? That's good, Sean. That's good.

Well, thank you. Good job. Freesh. Stop fucking saying that. I've said that three times. Freesh? Yeah. I've said that three times. Freesh? Yeah, I've said it three times in the last hour and 44 minutes. Bars.

Katie Nolan is here. At Katie Nolan on Twitter. At Nady Colin on Instagram. Yeah, I don't have much. I was excited when you forgot the plugs because it's like when the teacher doesn't collect the homework. But here we are. Oh, that was the shit. This is November 2nd,

you're saying? That's right, the 2nd of November. So you will have seen me win my first round of Celebrity Jeopardy. Woo! Congrats. Thank you so much. Which means that I'll have another round coming up and it may have already aired.

I don't actually know. It's going to be you versus the guy from Hooba Stank. And? The other guy from Hooba Stank. The Shermanator? The other guy from, yeah, it's just me versus double Hooba.

Yeah, and then Shane Battier for some reason? Shane Battier, it's the original chairman from Iron Chef. Is it really? I think. Really? I think. I think so. Double Hooba.

Let me check. They say Hooba Hooba. It's Hooba Stank. It's the guy from Switchfoot. It's the guy from Yellow Card. And Katie Nolan. Can't wait. Yeah, Shane Battier is on this season of Celebrity Jeopardy.

Whoa. That's crazy. I keep up with him. Yeah. You're on Battier is on this season of Celebrity Jeopardy. That's crazy. I keep up with him. Yeah, you're on Battier. I'm a big Battier guy. Stop saying apps. Stop saying the Battier update. That's my next pick. Katie, it is time for your next pick. What is that next pick? The Battier

update. It's Batties West is what it's called. Oh no. That shows a tough watch. I know. Oh, no. Sorry. That shows a tough watch. I know. Okay, look. No ethical consumption under capitalism. I have to take Amazon.

If you had told me 20 years ago that you can pull up your phone and like, I need paper towels, I need sponges, I need a shirt, and I need a pair of Fila white sneakers and then just click a button and they'll be there in like three days. That's crazy.

That's crazy tech to me. It's we all hate it. We hate the things about it. We hate, there's a lot of complaints, but at the end of the day, it's an app that I can use to buy. You order a t-shirt.

That's right. I can preorder. That's right. Yeah can pre-order books. That's right. Yeah. And so I just have to, you know, bow down to Daddy Bezos and take Amazon with my fourth pick. There are, I live sort of near like a Amazon distribution center and my neighborhood is full of those Amazon vans.

And I'm like, I'm going to get hit by one of these vans. And then you're going to be rich. Then I'm going to be rich. Wait, are they driverless vans? They're not driverless vans. They're not driverless. They're drivered. I would almost prefer they were driverless.

Yeah, because then you know who you're getting the money from. They're partially drivered. They're people who are working for not enough money on their phones. You know what I mean? Like trying to deliver an amount of packages that is probably untenable in a certain amount of time. And they're like usually cruising through our neighborhood pretty quick. And they're big ass bands. Yeah.

It's intense. Katie. So just think about that. I know. It really just made me think of like people that like don't get breaks at work. And I'm like, yeah, if maybe if I, but if I just stopped ordering paper towels, that would not change anything. Like it's, I wish the people who were in charge of these industries would be also as

invested in making them like workable and livable and, and rewarding for the people who do the work. I like going to the store. I do too. I've always, I've always liked it. I would go to the store for anything. You want to go to the store. I hate it. I do too. I've always liked it. I would go to the store for anything. You want to go to the

store? Ask guys, Sean. I loved it, man. Do you still call in your food deliveries? Never. No. Oh, no. I love going to the... I take Max to the store all the time. Probably every day we go to the grocery store. It's a good activity.

I liked it before that. I like the mall. I like Target. I like getting up in there. I go walk around. Have you been to a mall recently? Because they're not as fun. I've been to a mall recently. They're a lot sadder than they used to be.

My friend Jeff and I, Jeff Taxi goes, you want to go get some steps in and have lunch at the mall? That was two days ago. I was like, absolutely, I do. All right. Oh, yeah. The malls have really gone to extremes. Some of them are so depressing

and awful, at least in LA. And then the other ones are like, is this more expensive than Disneyland? What's going on here? You gotta pay a fee to get in. Two malls that are still absolutely thriving in the Portland area. Boyd Center, Noit Soimoich.

Shaklak and his town center is doing But the Wash Square and Clack Town, they're malls. Hella still. I love it. I went to the Jersey City Mall. I don't know if that's what it's called, but the mall that's in Jersey City at Christmas last year. And Christmas is when a mall is thriving. It's bustling.

It's got decorations. It's like a whole center of, you know, and it was so sad that I was like, I don't think I'm going to be going to malls anytime because it was the decorations were clearly old and like half-assedly put up because they knew nobody was coming. It was empty. There was

nobody there. It was really sad. I love the mall at Christmas. God, I love it. Yeah, well Yeah. God, I love it. Yeah, well. Okay. Don't go to Jersey City. So I picked Amazon. Sorry.

I'm a bad person. No, we all use it. All of us. Three, two, one, boo. I'll just buy myself some new friends on my little app. And they'll be here in, it says two days, and I pay for two days, but it'll probably be here in four days. Criticism.

Leveling criticisms. Amazon. Time for my third and then my final picks as it is. Wait. Fourth and final picks as it is. A serpentine rat. And you wonder why I never know how many picks we do. It's five, right?

It's five. That's not on me. It's five. Baby. it's five right that's that's not on me it's five baby and my fourth one before i get to my fifth one is going to be the new york times app oh okay i use it all the time i initially got it when i was uh still a late night television writer because i needed to stay abreast of what was going on in the world and now it's the it's the first thing I read every morning before I hop on like social. Now that's the roundup. I do the roundup.

I read the, I read the news. I just go through the stories. Usually also terrible for my psyche. Cause you know, ain't nothing in the news, but the blues, but it is good to know.

I, I used to think I used to like when I would hang out with people, I didn't know that well. I was like, what do you talk about? What are you supposed to talk about with people? The weather, I think. The weather. And now I at least have the news in addition to the weather.

That really made me laugh. Nothing in the news but the blues. I haven't heard that maybe ever. You must have heard Kanye say it in that one song. Sure, I did. But it's not, I don't remember it. That that's really, I still want to be laughing at it.

It's true. Even scrolling through the news right now. Ain't nothing but the blues, but it's good to, it's good to know what's going on. It's good. I think also as a comedian to like have an idea of what's going on. So you can like talk about things.

Also it gets into like the, the, the New York times has like fun stories. They have, although they split it off to a different app now, they still have like the games on there. It's fun. I like it. The New York Times. You're so smart.

Anything that would give me any actual real information, I don't. I'm so smart. What's the capital of Argentina? Buenos Aires. Yeah. Yeah. It's an easy one. P Buenos Aires. Yeah. Yeah. It's an easy one. Picking the easy ones.

I'm so smart. What's the capital of Micronesia? Oh, that's a tough one. It's Palakir, I think. P-A-L-I-K-I-R. I panicked. Those islands are tough. When did you learn?

Did you just put your mind to this and learn this recently? Or was this like for Jeopardy, right? Yeah. Just in case. I figured I should know these was this like for Jeopardy, right? Yeah, just in case. I figured I should know these things. That was your Q Foods, huh? Yeah, it just was... What is a quince?

Dan was in the audience and he said he turned to Ken Jenning, the host's wife, when I was like running a category. And he was like, she's in the zone. And she said that she went, she leaned over and went, what? and he was like, she's in the zone. And she said that she went, she leaned over and went, what?

And he was like, nevermind. That is great. I'm stoked to watch. I'm staying in the New York times world for my final pick. I'm taking New York times cooking. Oh, I love,

I love to cook. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a big fan of cooking at home. And the New York times cooking is a treasure trove of recipes. Not me. I support restaurant workers. What were you saying?

I support small businesses. Farmers, farmers, market workers, and app developers as well. So here, like recipe of the day, maple soy pork chops with sashimi togarashi. And what does that last word mean? I believe it's the capital of Tuvalu, actually.

You can put it, what is the capital of Tuvalu? You must know. Funafuti. Oh my God. Look at how David froze. Oh, damn it. You can put anything in the third bar on the New York Times cooking app Funa food tea. Oh, my God. Look at how David froze. Oh, damn it. Did you see? I took a picture of how you guys froze. On the New York Times cooking app.

Nice. It was pretty funny. Katie was way in there. I'm so sorry. This is pretty funny. Anyways. Name a food. Pork chops.

Pork chops. He just said that. I just said pork chops. Oh, you did? Really? Yeah, yeah. Are you serious? Rhubarb. Yes, rhubarb. All right. I just said pork chops. Oh, you did? Really? Yeah, yeah. Are you serious? Rhubarb.

Yes, rhubarb. All right. That was hilarious. Pork chops in a miso? Yeah. 10 rhubarb recipes. Not a lot. Rhubarb quick bread.

Well, no, that's just a list. That's like 10 rhubarb recipes. And then there's like. It's a very dynamic vegetable root. Then there's dozens. Then there's dozens and dozens of rhubarb recipes in here. Wow. But that's just a list of the 10 most popular.

I just love it. If you get a recipe and you're like, what can I cook with this? You throw it in there. There's a great and thriving community notes section. That does seem fantastic. That seems like it would be... If I were to venture into cooking, that would be a very user-friendly way to do it.

Indeed it is. Yeah. And indeed it is. New York Times cooking app, my final pick. Good pick. Katie? Well, see,

you just took two New York Times apps, so I cannot take New York Times games. I would, but I don't think we need to blow them this hard. And so with my final pick, I don't know why I didn't, that was not the term, the verbiage I thought. Why are you blowing the New York time so hard, bro? With my pick, which may be that telegraphed the kind of person I am. I'm going to take Reddit. Oh, yeah. Man.

Never got in, never will. Here's the thing. Reddit to me, the way that I approach Reddit now is that it's just very plugged in communities that you can overhear what they're talking about. Yes. For somebody like me, who isn't a diehard fan of a bunch of I like to watch

diehard fans have conversations about the thing that they're obsessed with and then i can learn just enough of like oh here's how that community feels about that thing um someone's at my door i'll be right back okay i mean you guys have all left except sean and i and so i just feel like sounds like that means just two of us have left yeah that feels like i guess that's it, David. I haven't read it. It's another one. I don't really know how to navigate.

So I just haven't ever started with it. It just seems like there's so much. I just subscribe to all of the things I'm interested in. And then the good thing is every now and then you can toss in one of those, like, um, like, uh,

there was an attempt or like something where it's just going to be funny videos of people trying to do something. So that then your homepage is like, oh, you follow, uh, there was an attempt or like something where it's just going to be funny videos of people trying to do something so that then your homepage is like, oh, you follow a NBA. So there's like all the top NBA most interacted with things like stories and posts or whatever will be on your front page. And then you'll get like a funny video and then you'll get like a relationship advice. And it's somebody writing in about something happening in their relationship. And then a bunch of strangers telling them how they're supposed to solve that. And then you'll get like pop culture news. So like my front page of my Reddit is just a smattering of all the things I could possibly be interested in knowing about at the time. You sound very excited about it.

I don't know. I like it. I like it as like a, it sucks. Twitter, I would have drafted, I know I shouldn't say pics, but it's not called that anymore. If we did this, if we did this draft, like, I don't know, a year, two years ago, Twitter would be up there. I would begrudgingly be picking it, but I'd be picking it because it's where I got a lot of news. And now I feel like, not saying I get my news at Reddit, I get my news from like news sites, but in terms of knowing what people are talking about and interested in, Reddit's good for that. It's the front page of the internet, you guys. I love Reddit. I'm on it all the time now. Like the app. I don't go to anything I'm ever involved in because I don't want to... No, no,

no, no, no, no, no. And there's bad parts. Obviously, there's like really dark corners of it that I don't mess with. But the, you know, the subs that I follow or whatever. Today I learned. whatever. Today. I learned it's fantastic. Good one. It's you learn things. You just go in there today. I learned that,

uh, Shelly Jackson's skin project, every single word of her 2095 word novella is tattooed on a separate volunteer. Oh, weird. That's weird. I'm going to do that with my album.

Yeah, I should do that. Tonight. I learned that pro wrestler Jorge Giant Gonzalez, who was built at eight feet tall during his career, is the tallest Argentinian who ever lived. Buenos Aires? Buenos Aires. Just go learn little things like that.

You're going to scroll through it forever. Yeah, and I was saying when you were gone because you didn't want to be here, is that you can also just subscribe to like silly little ones. Right. So you just get like a funny video and then you can go to history and news and NBA and then back to a silly little video. It was a flower delivery from me from the Portland State University Alumni Association. OK, well, congratulations. Thank you. Because I'm being rewarded with the school's most prestigious alumni award.

November 15th. Oh, congrats. Thank you. You didn't say that in your plugs. I didn't. November 15th on Coins, you can see me receive Portland State University's most prestigious alumni award in Portland. Myrtle woke up for that.

She is excited. And my high school is inducting me into their Hall of Fame in February. Whoa. What do I have to do? Do you get like a picture or something? They put a plaque up outside of the gym. What? Oh, man.

That's sick. That's great. Yeah, dude. Big. That's sick. Big, big Beaverton moves. Shout out to Westview High School. Reddit.

Excellent pick. David Boyd, time for your final pick. Ah, the Delta app. Yeah. Okay. Excellent pick. David Boyd, time for your final pick. Ah, the Delta app. Yeah. Okay. It's reasonable. I'm on there all the fucking time. Utilitarian. Utilitarian, but it gets it done.

I'm tracking my miles. I'm looking at my card spending. Yeah. I'm on there every day. I never have to re-download the Delta app. That stays in the clip. The Delta That stays in the clip. Stays active. Yeah.

Just a functioning worksite. Yeah. And the lounges? Ooh, the lounges. They've been doing free Wi-Fi lately, too. I like that. Yeah. Because they used to charge a lot for Wi-Fi.

Far FBS. I will say a lot of connections, Delta. A lot of connections. Are you all loyal to Delta? Is Delta everybody's airline? I recently started going United as well because some of these Delta flights were just like, fuck, I'm not trying to go to Minneapolis to double back to. You know what I mean?

Really? Yeah. I do both. But most of my points are Delta. I don't exclusively fly Delta, but I do mostly. Yeah. I used to work for United, so I got a lot of miles I'm working through. What did you do for United?

I did a web series called Big Metal Bird. Oh. It was ads. It was ad money. Can we still find this? Probably. Yeah, probably. I'm looking for it right now.

I didn't know, but they used to play one before, like when you were on the flight, you know, the little ads before the thing that they make you watch? It was an ad for Big Metal Bird. And it was me. And I was on a flight and I was like, Those are gone now. So, thank goodness. We're going to load them on a Patreon. Sean Jordan? Oh, look at you. You found it?

Yeah. They're, I think, readily available for the rest of my life. But I got a lot of money and they matched my miles I had with every other airline. Oh, I've been trying to. Oh, yeah. Somebody told me about that mileage matching. So I'm about to do that with United so I can get my weight up.

I didn't know they just let everybody do it. I thought that was a perk. Now I feel like it's pretty stupid of me. We're both elite travelers. That's all. Don't feel bad about it. Thanks. Shout out United.

Anyways, the Delta app. Sean? My Steps app. I use it. That's just... Oh, hell. Fitness? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just the Fitness app. Mine's just... It's just the Steps app with a little blue circle on it, but I use it. Fitness dick in your mouth. There it is. There it is. It was going to have to

happen. It was going to have to happen. I walked right into it with my mouth wide open, didn't I? And only three steps while you're walking into it. Yeah, it's open right now. I got a lot of steps to get in today. Does it tell you where you walked or just tells you how many times you walked?

It tells me how many calories I burned if I went uphill, miles, all that stuff. My average. We're almost done, David. It's sorry. No, I'm sick. I'm sorry.

It was such a hearty yawn. It's, I meant to. I felt it in my soul. Yeah, yeah. I slept like nine and a half hours too. There was no reason. Damn. Oh, beautiful.

Surely hearing fitness dick in your mouth perked you up a little bit. Yeah, no, I'm back in. Perked me up. Oh, I forgot the one I wanted to draft. One of my top three jokes. Well, we can do, so, I mean, that's the final pick.

Fitness. Isaac. Oh, well, let me recap first. I went first. I took messages, FaceTime, weather, New York Times, and New York Times cooking. KD, you went second. You took Uber, FaceTime, weather, New York Times, and New York Times cooking. Katie, you went second. You took Uber, Notes, Grubhub, Amazon, and Reddit.

David, you went third. You took Venmo, YouTube, Zillow, Snapchat, and the Delta app. Sean, you went last. You took Safari, Spotify, Instagram, Internet Movie Database, and fitness dick in your mouth. Okay, there we go, Isaac. I was going was gonna say not even a chuckle huh isaac do we have a uh super producer pick yeah i'm gonna take voice memos because that's the app that i use as a songwriter i use it constantly anytime i have an idea anytime i have something i want to sing or i just sing right into it. You're an actually good singer though. So I don't feel like you can make that joke.

Who are you talking to? You, Katie. Katie Nolan. I heard you on the Disney songs draft. And I appreciate that. I'm still not at any point of my day going, let me not forget that. La la la la la. It's not happening. It's just not, it's never even crossed my mind. I guess that's why they call it window tape.

That's because you memorized. happening. It's just not, it's never even crossed my mind. I guess that's why they call it window paint. That's because you memorized. Okay. Eminem, just on a flight. I can't imagine. That's probably how he did it too. That is why they call it window paint. That is exactly why they call it window paint.

Excellent pick, Isaac. What did we leave on the board? Katie, what was the pick you were talking about? I was going to take the MLB app, and it's because I have a login that allows me to watch any game. So it actually rules that at any point I can

just watch a game. I don't know if I'm supposed to still have that, and so you could bleep it, I guess, if you want. If you do have the ability to do that, that app rules. If you don't, it's just basically scores and news. But Sea League does listen to

the podcast just so we can get out in front of that. Get out in front of that? No! Infatuation's a good app if you're in a city and you want to know where to eat. I got all my big ones Zoom

We want to hear yours Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon where you can join the AFE Patreon You, the person listening to this right now the girl reading this tweet can join our AFE Patreon for

bonus episodes auction drafts mailbags we're about to record a mailbag uh those denver apps just got just got dropped in my inbox so those are going up oh the denver app by the time you listen this this month and one will go up in november but yeah they'll be uh real fun. Yeah. Real fun, silly times. You can hear Sam Talent say some outrageous things. He did. To the point where I was like. I chose not to edit any of it out. It's all in there.

Out of it. Yeah, it's fine, man. I was like, should I stop the podcast right now while we're up here on stage? It was pretty fucking bad. A couple of times I was just like, Sam. Yeah. Such an industry plant. Big time industry plant vibes. You couldn't tell. You would have thought he was just some

dirtbag. He can say all that stuff because he can't lose his job. He was planted here. He was planted there. What part of the industry is planting a Sam talent? I don't know. It's truly unhinged. The wrestling shoes industry?

Like who? You can bleep it out. It was that. So he's kind of nuts. Oh, oh. Dude, I saw. He's nuts. Let me tell you something when we get done.

Yeah, I don't want to give him any shine. All right, bleep that. Bleep that out, Isaac. While we're bleeping, I've heard a comic say that they think another comic is like a CIA plant. What? Which comic? I'll bleep it. I mean, you'd have... No.

We'll just leave it. I'll tell you guys after. Alright. You can cut it out if you fully cut it out. We'll talk about it after we're done recording. Intrigue, intrigue, intrigue. Join our Patreon where even there we won't share this sort of insider info this is not my information to know

right, exactly, but you can see ad-free episodes video exclusive pre-roll content, all sorts of stuff merch with Trillblazin and of course Isaac's tasteful nudes soft lighting, a lot of soft lighting a lot of soft lighting, A lot of soft lighting. A lot of

drop shadows. Very beautiful. Nothing else is soft, I'll tell you that, but the lighting. Everything else is very, very hard, but the lighting. Rock. Soft. Tastefully rock. Yes. The beauty of a erect penis. Shout out to everyone on the AFE

Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Superproducer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos. Shout out to Saints on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit Shout out to super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos Shout out to Saints2Carmel Shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to Sid the Dude Shout out to Haji Beats, and more important than all of that Tune in again next week to another Brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Cat bitch

Shaslackity You know, or whatever that was a hate gum podcast