All Fantasy Everything - Arcade Games (w/ Jordan Morris, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

Grab your quarters and your Mt. Dew, we’re going drafting. Jordan Morris joins us to AFE arcade games!Episode Guest:Jordan Morris @Jordan_Morris IG: @jordandaviDmorris Pre-order 'Bubble' here.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting arcade games because it's never a bad time for an arcade game. Our guest today is comedy writer and podcaster Jordan Morris. Jordan has written for shows on Comedy Central,

Cartoon Network, Disney Plus, and other fine networks. In 2018, he created the sci-fi comedy podcast Bubble, which is now being adapted into its own animated feature and graphic novel this year. Jordan also co-hosts the podcast Jordan Jesse Go on the Maximum Fun Network. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and as always, I'm joined by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that has both of its feet firmly planted in the spring.

It is verdant outside. We drafted it last week, and baby, it is full-blown outside, at least in Los Angeles. The birds are chirping. The Priuses are smoothly humming around. It's gorgeous out here. The teens are horny. It is gorgeous.

The teens are horny. The adults are horny. Yeah. The out here. The teens are horny. It is gorgeous. The teens are horny. The adults are horny. Yeah. The adults who pretend their teens are horny. Everybody's horny. The bees. The bees are also horny.

The bees are out there having, they're having sex with, with, with birds? Do bees have, now,

and listen, pull back if you don't want it. Do bees have penises? Penises. Oh. I think there was a time in my life where I thought that the stinger was also a penis. Yeah.

It's one of those little kid misunderstandings. There are t-shirts they sell at the beach that would lead us to believe that very same thing. Yeah. It was a girls pee out of their butts level misunderstanding of biology man i remember those days i still don't fully understand what's going on down there now i haven't i haven't made a big effort in health they didn't really they weren't interested in telling us how the girl stuff worked dude i would love to see a current health class

and just pit it against my health class of 1993 or whatever oh i bet it's way better now it was like for real the gym coach being like this is herpes and you know you don't want it and it was like the worst possible case of herpes like the one the one that killed someone you're like whoa what's the best possible case of herpes not that dude you can it's there's manageable cases and i'm just saying whatever kind usher has dude he seems to be doing okay he's thriving usher is thriving we should all we should all get that kind of herpes is it a rod or derrick jeter which one of them one of them's got it i think they probably both got it that's boutique herpes if you got herpes you want them from usher man downtown herpes or a rod imagine telling somebody that i mean i got herpes, you want them from Usher, man. Some of that downtown herpes. Or A-Rod.

Imagine telling somebody that. I mean, I got herpes, but it's A-Rod herpes. Don't worry. Those are the kind of herpes they sell in a nice part of town in a store that only has like a rack with four shirts on it. And you get herpes there. There's a herpes you can only get in an infinity pool. Rihanna.

Rihanna herpes. That's the kind you want. David Borey is here. I'm going with you first. I'm fucking mixing it up, man. Who the herpes that's the kind you want david borey is here well i'm going with you first i'm fucking mixing it up man i'm mixing it up coming right off herpes cool guy jokes 87 on instagram the g is silent on twitter how are you doing buddy you know cool guy jokes 87 on black herpes.net that's right owned by the people who had black planet.com it's just a place for singles to meet uh i'm good man just you know dealing with these herpes black herpes.net no i don't know how's the color how's the color red isn't that what colorado means yes no i thought that was another herpes

joke no i don't have herpes by the way i feel like i need to go on record it's all right if you do but i but i straight up don't right it's all right if you do i don't no disrespect david single though there yeah there could be people here making their pro and con bory lists you know and like that pro side is looking heavy yeah it's looking heavy well i'm not i'm not married yet so i haven't had a chance to get herpes you can get herpes from kissing no you can't well i'm not married yet, so I haven't had a chance to get herpes. You can get herpes from kissing. No, you can't. Well, I'm not married anyway, so. Kissing these nuts.

You can get herpes from Confessions Part 1 and 2. That's also true. This is my confession. I'm riddled with the herpes. If I got, yeah, why didn't he make a song about that? It should have been the first confession. You got to listen to the lyrics, bro. That is what it's about. No, that's about a baby.

He did let it burn. He told us it was just a different song he did he said the feeling wasn't the same in his body well that's gonorrhea it's not C it's not C that's kind of a fun and flirty way to say you've got a couple of hepatitis that was cute I liked that kind of come hither I understand nothing of the hepatitis

I don't know anything about them The hepatidae? I probably shouldn't have made the joke I don't have enough information to back it up Hepatitis That's alright Very deadly, more deadly than lions And herpes

Did you know Hepatitis kills more people a year in Africa Than herpes That's true. That's just a great party fun fact. You can just bust that out when conversation lulls. Everybody's talking. Everybody's talking.

You're meeting your romantic partner's parents for the first time. Conversation just draws to a close. You know. You know hippos kill more people than herpes. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. A lot of them.

What's up, dude? Nada, man. Just chilling out. Walking around the Pac-NW. Doing a lot of shredding lately. Somebody leaned out of their car. I was at the skate park and someone leaned out of their car and shouted the buck starts here the other day.

I was pretty excited. What'd you do? Did you take your shirt off? No, I chased i strangled him you have to chase him down i was like the buck does fucking start here and it chases you when you hoot and holler and it strangles you on powell boulevard in front of the bus stop you choked him out with your legs right yeah man chuck liddell style who do you think my my master i have five points to the star chuck liddell is one of them steven seagal is another pancakes are one where does where does buck sam kong fit in there buck sam kong's right in the middle man he's the

one i gotta defeat who is this buck sam kong he's got a uh i don't know a gym in glendale it's a judo gym and i feel like buck sam kong and um what's the malibu dude's name malibu malibu martial arts they gotta fight man they gotta fight uh i got nothing coming up man buy a t-shirt from a theater that you don't want to go out of business how about that there it is that's beautiful amc yeah that is beautiful i have a daughter on the way huh i can't stop thinking about it i'm so excited that's awesome congratulations man thank you so much like two and a half months dude you know what, what joke people don't like is when somebody says they have a daughter on the, on the way and you say, what's his name? Uh, well she will identify it. She will be born a girl. What is it? There was a new way to say it

in a pamphlet that I, uh, I was like, Oh, all right. It was like worded perfectly, but you don't read books, but you are reading pamphlets. I'm heavy in the pamphlet game. He's read most of the pamphlets. Yeah, I probably read about a thousand pamphlets a month. How do you feel about those religious comics that warn against homosexuality? Are you a fan of those? No, but I read them. You got to stay informed, you know? Yeah, you got to.

Right. That's some good points in them. Yeah. And you know, words on paper, man, the written word needs to stay alive. So whatever way i can keep that going jordan's a big pamphlet guy dude if you got questions about shingles he can tell you if you want to know what there is to do in like santa fe tourism wise he's got you i was gonna say take me to take me to a motel six and like right in in missoula tell me i haven't read every

pamphlet there so you've decided to pave your own driveway i did i i would say right around the gentlemanly age of 33 years old i started becoming the person who gave those pamphlet stands at a hotel a nice long look i do yeah i'll grab them i mean you know look uh i haven't in the last year and then you yell at whoever you're with you like you're looking at the thing and then someone you know the person you're with is checking you in checking you in and you're like, a historical walking tour. We could go to the fudge factory. A candle making class.

Camel rides. I'm checking in and as I'm giving them the second card because the first one didn't work, I lean in and I'm like, you know, I didn't know they had a Hot Springs in Flagstaff, but they do. I see. Come on, you knew Flagstaff had Hot Springs. That's what you go there Flagstaff, but they do. I see. Come on. You knew Flagstaff had a Hot Springs. Come on, man. That's what you go there for. It's a Hot Springs city, my friend. Come on.

No play dumb. It's a pamphlet that I hadn't quite read yet, man. I didn't get my fingers on her yet. I'm talking like Detroit, Michigan, where you're like, oh, weird. They have a Hot Springs. Flagstaff, they probably built that city around a Hot Springs, dude. They built that city on rock and roll. Common knowledge, man.

That song's about Flagstaff. I had no idea. I had no idea. I thought it was about the Sunset Strip in the 80s, but it's actually about Flagstaff. Let me regale you with this story, man. That song's about Flagstaff. I had no idea. I had no idea. I thought it was about the Sunset Strip in the 80s, but it's actually about Flagstaff. Let me regale you with this story, Jordan. I was at Ribfest in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where I was born and raised,

and we saw Starship, and it was... Wow. You know, sometimes you think you're going to hear a rock band say some corny shit and then play a dope song. So they stopped, and they were singing they're like you know i i shit you not this exact they go you know took us a long time to build this city you know we built it on and then you know we built this city on rock and roll they started

playing i was like get the fuck out of here i had a fat rib sandwich a beer i was yeah i was built on rock and roll that night my friend that, I think it's the worst fucking rap. It is on like, there'll be lists of like, an algorithm has determined the worst song of all time. And it's We Built This City. And I am like, that song fucking rules. It does. Every time someone does Don't Stop Believin' at karaoke,

I'm like, why isn't this We Built This City? It is the same fucking vibe, but way better. I love it. it i love the nonsense i like marconi played the mamba whoa you got knowledge you got knowledge yeah geez i got more passionate than i thought i would yeah sorry i didn't mean to i didn't mean to bum you out so hard i'm as surprised as any of us i'm on your side just because of the passion yeah you know what's wild is starship so it went jefferson airplane jefferson starship and then starship and there's like original members of jefferson airplane in starship so those three bands are kind of they all they all were on the same they're like they're the same band almost just do they pick up people yeah i don't know exactly i don't know exactly how it

happened i think a little bit of both i think I think Mickey Thomas was the singer for a while. But so that means like all those drugged out, like Jefferson Airplane songs, then turned into, we built this city on rock and roll. It's a ship of Theseus situation almost. Right. Where all the pieces have been replaced.

Why did they drop the Jefferson? None of us know. Jordan Morris is here. Hey, I'm here. Twitter, on Twitter, Jordan underscore Morris. Instagram, Jordan Davis Morris. David, actually, thank you, though. Thank you for mentioning my new-ish Instagram.

I'm like... Marissa, there was a typo? Marissa! Marissa does a great job. She does a great job. Turn your camera on, Marissa. Jesus Christ. Tell them to... No, it's a reasonable...

It's nice of you to even put my Instagram in there. I don't even have that many followers. You're going to hell, Marissa. No, she's going to heaven where she'll thrive. You're going to hell? Ambrosia for Marissa. I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to scream at all the cats

you befriended in your neighborhood. AFP Mel Kiper is going to give you both barrels, Cartwheel. You better... Oh, boy. You better step back, man. He's not going to be happy. Jordan David Moore. Yes.

Jordan David Moore's on Instagram. It's a newish Instagram? You're just getting on there? Yeah. You know, I got this. Listen, I think we all know the feeling of being stressed out by social networks and wishing we weren't on them periodically. But feeling like we kind of have to be because of our business. And yeah, so I was just kind of reluctant to add one.

But then once I started having a book to push, I'm like, yeah, this is probably a good idea. And I have heard, I heard from a lot of people that like, Instagram is the soothing social media. It is like the balm to Twitter's burn. I have found that to be the case. I love Instagram.

I love it. Your book, does it come in about a thousand pamphlets that I could get my hands on? So maybe I could read. That's a great question. I mean, some say that a book is just a pamphlet that you pay for. I don't trust those people, man.

Those people, there people this snake oil man that's you know i'll call the publisher and i'll ask if we can have it chopped up into pamphlet sizes and left at bus stops so if you maybe you can grab one i ride the bus a lot put like about a third of a 40 next to each pamphlet i'll be sure to see it put them outside of super eight waffle bars and that's, that'll get. Yeah. I mean, we want to bring everybody into this thing. So sure.

Whatever I can do to get it out there. Now for the rest of us book types, why don't you tell us about that book? Yes. It is a graphic novel. It is based on a sci-fi comedy podcast called Bubble that we did for Max Fun. David Borey, our own David B our own david bore match to your own

david borey this isn't my podcast i'm getting a little david boy i'm i'm getting a little too familiar here david bori does some uh does does a couple of voices in the original uh podcast it's a like um it's a sci-fi comedy i think it is maybe i would describe it as uh search party meets guardians of the galaxy if you you could envision such a thing. I sure can. Yeah. This man has pitching down to an art. Thank you.

That slid right in. Yeah. That slid right in. It's a nice elevator ride. Great, yes. Yeah, we still have a couple more floors to go. What are we going to talk about? I've already sold you on this fucking thing.

Yeah, it's about a bunch of goofy hipsters who live in a little sci-fi version of Silver Lake or Brooklyn, and they have to fight all these monsters. It's kind of a satire about how the gig economy is killing us all. And yeah, I co-wrote it with the great comedy writer Sarah Morgan, and the great comics artist Tony Cliff did the art. So I'm really proud of it. It comes out in July, and yeah, I'm pushing people to pre-order it. If you pre-order it, you can get some cool stuff

that we haven't announced yet, but there will be stuff. That sounds brilliant and wonderful and hilarious. We have a lot of our family members who are big into comics and graphic novels, and I think they'll really enjoy it. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's definitely cool. It's coming out from the publisher first, second.

Yeah, you can get all the pre-order junk on my various social medias. I will be very annoying about it on there. So there you go. That sounds fantastic, including your new Instagram, Jordan. Including my new, David Morris. Jordan Morris. Davis Morris is, I would guess that whoever has that

is probably a Proud Boy QAnon type. It just sounds like. Jordan Davis Morris is a rare turtle salesman who lives in Sarasota, Florida. He'll hook you up. Okay. Oh, well, there you go. He'll hook you right up.

A lot of pop collars. A lot of pop collars. What do you need? Snappings? See, I got them all. Come on. Then he leans in. He goes,

there's cocaine in every turtle I sell you. And I'm a guy selling it. And then he winks at you. And the cocaine's in the belly, you see. Anything else you want to steer people towards, Jordan? Yeah, I do a podcast called Jordan, Jesse Go. David's been on it. Ian's been on it.

Sean, you can subscribe at Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Get me. Get me. No, Sean, we got to have you on sometime. It's been your do. You'll find that's the case with a lot of this. Well, David and Ian have done it. And Sean was just kind of chilling, you know? Enjoying

life. Yeah, Sean, just make sure you rate us five stars. Yeah, like and subscribe. Smash that like button. David and I went to Oxford, dude. All right? Sorry. We made certain connections while we were there. Sean, we do a lot of juggalo humor on the show, so I think you would fit right in.

You're the juggalo of the group, right? I'll grab you something real quick, my friend. Oh boy. But you are right. He is the juggalo. Every group needs one. What is he getting? Pamphlet, probably. Sorry to leave you flapping in the wind there, boys.

I had to get this ICP diorama that I made early in quarantine. Oh my god. Somebody challenged get this icp diorama that i made early in quarantine oh my god somebody challenged me to make a diorama and i was like i'll make a school project of the gathering of the judges yeah exhibits come up more today than i thought he would exhibit challenged him he's like make a diorama and then sean did i well i lost weight and like my voice has changed and now i can't do any impressions which weren't that good in the first place

but what have you lost what impressions have you lost your voice did change a little bit didn't it exactly i can't do exhibit anymore yeah i think it's a little it's a little tighter my voice what if you try the easier ones like start with like a christen. Yeah, try a Walken. Something everybody's got. My favorite rapper is Exhibit. I'll tell you what. The impressions will always be about Exhibit, even if it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It'll be someone talking about Exhibit. It's too bad your favorite rapper isn't RZA, because RZA's right over here doing an impression of himself. RZA on the other end of this. RZA right here on a podcast. All fantasy advertising. You probably thought it wasn't RZA. RZA doesn't even know where I live. You probably thought he came and took my microphone for a second.

That was me. It was Sean. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram. It sounds more like RZA than you guys give it credit for. Go ahead, Ian. I don't think it does. It does, David. I'm hearing it. At Ian carmel on jewish gravel pit uh i got nothing to promote other than listen to all fantasy everything uh join our patreon for exclusive uh content with with new exclusive content yeah coming out soon you'll see yeah

i gotta talk to mars more about it but yes it'll be fun you'll see some new exclusive content yeah coming out soon you'll see yeah i gotta talk to mars more about it but yes it'll be fun you'll see some new exclusive fun content coming and then watch the late late show with james corden where i am the friendly sidekick during the first act of the show and then back in the kitchen for the rest of it uh now we are gathered here today not to talk about how sean put a beanie on halfway through this halfway through this podcast it's getting to the point where i don't know i don't i don't like this when i'm just i'm staring at myself and i don't like it and uh yeah i just i'm ugly and i don't like being ugly so no i appreciate i was kidding i think the long hair looks good on you all right man long hair don't care i'm

getting a haircut uh early april but until then, great goal. Who's going to cut it? Exhibit. What would that sound like, I wonder? If Exhibit was your barber. I would love to be able to tell you, but unfortunately I cannot. No, we'll never know. We will never know what it sounds like if Exhibit was your barber.

Fuck, I'm so bummed. Do the Owen Wilson, Christopher Walken, both looking at a new sailboat thing. The wow wow thing. Okay, so this is an impression. You just bought a boat and you're showing Owen Wilson and Christopher Walken at the same time. Wow!

Wow! Wow! Wow! That's so rad. The Owen Wilson sounds like a cat that needs help. Is that not Owen Wilson? Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Is this a running bit? That was so specific. You just had that chambered. It was a stand-up joke I did half a decade ago. Yeah. Now, get the pizza grease on your fingers. Get yourself a fountain drink full of high-C soda.

Yes. Filled up to the top. Because we are going to fantasy draft arcade games here today. Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game, not of an arcade game, but of rock, paper, scissors, played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot whoa three rocks three rocks obama dude here we go rock paper scissor shoot ah david wins he threw poop cutter and we both poop smasher so he wins yeah sean sorry guys no it's okay it's always got to be should have thrown a should have thrown a poop cutter well then i would have won with my poop smas, it's okay. It's always got to be poop. Should have thrown a poop cutter. Well, then I would have won with my poop smasher. It's on me. Do not humor him, Jordan, please. And then poop cover.

And then poop diarrhea with the dynamite one that explodes everything. Oh, my God. David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that great question it's like if you lose your pet and you have to drive around the neighborhood looking for your pet so you go all the way down 40th and you scream you go betty betty betty kitty betty kitty and you get like eight blocks down 40th you didn't find her so you take a left then you go down to 41st and you drive all the way back down 41st.

You go, Betty Kitty, Betty Kitty, Betty Kitty, Betty Kitty, Kitty Kitty. Drive all the way down 42nd. Still haven't found Betty Kitty. By now, you're shaking the treat bag. You look like a lunatic. You're shaking the treat bag out the window. Take a right. You go all the way back down 43rd, and you go, Betty Cat, Betty Cat.

You're shaking the treat bag out the window. You're throwing treats at this point. You're asking strangers, have you seen a tiny little gray cat with white on her nose? Have you seen her? She's in the neighborhood. She's new. She's very nice. She's got a collar that says Betty on it.

Drive all the way down 43rd. You don't find her. And then take a left. You drive all the way down 44th, and you get to 48th. And then you find her. And then you go home. Now I understand. Basically, it means if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Damn, this is a tough one because I'm going to go Jordan, David, Sean, Ian. Hot corner. All right. I had way more.

Going into this, I was like, I bet I can put a list together. And then my list is so long. Mine too. I mean, I kind of knew it would be. I was such an arcade kid. But even I was shocked at how long mine turned into. Oh, yeah. I was going through scenarios in my head.

I was like sessions. I thought of different sessions at Aladdin's Castle and stuff. What did I do if I went there? And then, boom, seven games popped right into my head because I was like, this is my route that I had when I went. Was Aladdin's Castle a mini golf place? That was our arcade at the

Sioux Empire Mall. We had a nickel arcade called Wonderland, which was in all over. Those are fun. Still do. There were a few of them in Portland. We had Nicola play. Yeah. Yeah. And there was one by my dad's house.

My dad had a houseboat on Jansen Beach, for the listeners who know what that is. And you paid a fee to get in, and then all the games that you couldn't win tickets on, so like skee-ball, et cetera, we're not taking those. We're talking about like arcade video games, right? Yeah, I was going to ask if your skee-balls and your cetera. We're not taking those. We're talking about like arcade video games, right? Yeah, I was going to ask if your skee-balls and your air hockeys were part of it. I think we leave those out. So anyway, like skee-ball stuff, you could win tickets.

You had to put nickels in for that. But everything else, free play. A little slice of heaven. Which was amazing. You would just go there for like six hours so you wouldn't have to see your stepmom. Anyway, we have the draft order. Arcade, such a great place to drop off a kid when something

turbulent is happening at home. It's perfect. I hope mom and dad start fighting so I can get dropped off at Tilt and then get an Orange Julius. Tilt! Shit, I forgot about Tilt. Was that a chain? I think that it might have been. Are you from Washington?

No, Orange County. This is in the Laguna Hills Mall. Then it must have been a chain? I think that it might have been. Are you from Washington? No, Orange County. This is in the Laguna Hills Mall. Yeah. Then it must have been a chain. Maybe it was. Oof. Do you ever go to GameWorks? All right.

We don't have to. We can get into it. I mean, we're going to find out what video game from Tilt is getting picked first right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age.

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spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. Man, we're back. Welcome back to all all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed except of course for jordan jesse go it's the only media actually that's ever existed except of course for bubble which was first a podcast and now it's being adapted to an animated series and also a graphic novel which you can pre-order now and purchase in july but get on it now let's get those pre-orders in get those pre-orders in. Get those pre-orders in. It's fun. Maybe help out a local indie bookstore. Throw them some cash for the pre-order.

Fun for everybody. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. God. Love this enthusiasm for my plug, by the way.

Yes. It's great. This feels good. Let's think of that as an arcade game. Let's get the high score on pre-orders. Sure. Yes. Leave your initials. A-S- way. Let's think of that as an arcade game. Let's get the high score on pre-orders. Sure, yes. Leave your initials. A-S-S. You can write ass if you want to.

That was a whole other thing. Poo is also a fun one. The next draft we're going to have you on is going to be funny three-letter initials. But this draft is arcade games, and Jordan, your first pick. Well, thank you. So yeah, I thought a lot about and jordan your first pick well thank you so yeah i i thought a lot about this what the first pick was going to be and you know i'm i this is i i i

love the show i was happy to be invited um and so my initial thought is like what can i do to fuck up everybody's draft and make them mad at me at the top good call so i have a game that's very close to me but i think was probably on everybody else's lists don't you so i'm gonna i'm gonna hopefully i'm not fucking you guys up too much by picking nba jam you i invite you into my house yeah sorry yeah that's hometown coming in it introduced me on how to for real talk shit to people while i was playing a game i think that was the game where i was i was started like just just berating people while i was beating them that was yeah nba jam cost so many fights at tilt so many fights at lamppost pizza it's it's so perfect too because it's two on two

you know so you get a bunch of people crowded around that was a bridgetown favorite at all the bridgetown bridgetown comedy festival they'd go to ground control they'd have a pizza party there during the day during the festival and everybody would like huddle around nba jam and i met i met peep i think i met baron vaughn for the first time playing him in nba jam so there's a level of pride involved in nba jam for some reason that there isn't that there isn't other games but not in all games and like getting beat on nba jam can really get your blood up it's tough really get you the tea kettle boiling there's no good loss i don't know it's on nba jam you could lose by 50

you could lose by two it's still there's there's nothing acceptable. You're just like this. Well, and it has humiliation built in. Like he's heating up. He can't buy a bucket. Yeah. Yeah. He can't buy. They're talking shit to you and they're hyping up the other guy or vice versa. You know, I, either you're in heaven or you're in hell with Marissa.

No, Marissa, she's in heaven. She's going to sit on God's right hand as soon as she dies. I know it. Thank you. Thank you. One thing about NBA Jam for me is it's the golden era of when I was the biggest basketball fan I've ever been. Those are all the teams. So I could be Sean Kemp.

And I had a Sean Kemp. Who was your go-to team? Seattle, dude. I had a Sean Kemp short set, dude. Same. Jordan, you grew up in Orange County. You said, were you like a Nick Van Exel or whoever was on the Lakers? Here's a little bit of the fucked up thing about me picking this.

I'm not a huge basketball fan. I love this game. My bona fides with this game are impeccable. I bought it for both the Sega Genesis and the 32X. So I'm an NBA Jam fan. Yes. I even tried to buy, they kind of tried to replicate it on consoles.

They kind of try and do every couple of years. There was, I think, a series called NBA Street for a while. Oh, yes, there was. And I put in a full day's work. It didn't, yeah. I played the fuck out of that game. Are you kidding me? This was the one with the act of fool combos. No yeah oh thanks it was that's the funniest like feature i loved that game um but yeah i i loved just how tactile those dunks are like the fucking screen

shakes but sometimes the backboard breaks like it's just every little feature of that game and that fucking announcer boom shakalaka he's on fire from downtown iconic where is he now i don't know there's uh there's this rapper chip the ripper that sampled the boom shakalaka for a song it's so good boom shakalaka check that out also really good aside like did you ever catch a fast break on nba jam and you're just like man i'm gonna fucking shatter this backboard and then you accidentally just do one of the softest layups yeah because you didn't hit the button hard enough yeah so it's like i'm pie facing the dude next to me getting ready to dunk with one hand and then it just does a little layup you

still get the points but you're like all right i've done that i've passed out of a fucking like amazing dunk i've done that too man all of a sudden detlef shrimp is on the wing like i mean he makes it but like come on detlef for two is never what i was trying for in that game that ain't i want the glove and sean kemp in there yeah you're not doing it for mid-range jumpers clyde rexler and terry man. The shorts and the stakes have never been higher, bro. Clyde the Clyde. Spud Webb. Spud Webb, anybody?

Oh, yeah. Spud Webb. Oh, dude. Charlotte had a pretty dope lineup on NBA Jam, though. Could you be Muggsy and Zoe? Was Zoe there at the time? Muggsy and Zoe. Muggsy and LJ.

And LJ, yeah. And you could be Shaq in the arcade game, but not the home version. So that's when Shaq decided to take his likeness elsewhere. And that's how we got Shaq Fu, the Shaquille O'Neal fighting game where he fights monsters in another dimension. So he took himself out of NBA Jam so he could make Shaq Fu. Wasn't there also no Jordan? Yeah. So Jordan wouldn't give up his license at all.

He was never in it. And that's when he went on to make Chaos in the Windy City, the side-scroller where he throws basketballs at monsters. Yeah. Also bad. Which was kind of, remember when they made that? This is a big off-road, but when they made that side-scrolling Sub-Zero game?

Oh, yeah, sure. That one was kind of fun, actually. I enjoyed that. There's a team's a there's a team-up game with luke hang and kung lao that's really fun where they like team up to go on an adventure and you can kind of switch between them yeah some of those mortal kombat legends games are really fun awesome i might have to get into this we might hear more about those later perhaps jordan so the bulls were like scotty pippen and like bj arms bj arms yeah yeah yeah

it was bj there was a third uh was it great tony kukoc tony kukoc you get kukoc later they were different they kept putting out iterations of this game which is great they would update you know yeah cleveland mark price and brad doherty weird man merc slice that's what frat calls a merc slice all the time some of those teams have like weird like like the hornets and the the sonics lent themselves well to it because these were like high-flying very athletic players who you would believe dunking from like the free throw line and then you had the calves with like mark price who was like in any other reality in any other era of humanity he would have sold bicycle insurance

absolutely he would that's what he like a, just an honest haircut, like fucking six foot two white guy. But then you'd be dunking from the three point line. It was hilarious. Yeah. You get Merck slice in that game. He'll do like a three 60 on fire dunk. And he was like,

yeah, all right. I bet you nobody liked that more than Merck slice. I bet he played it. And he was just like, that's exactly what I should be doing in this game. Yeah. That's how I play basketball.

What do you put in the secret code? Bill Clinton and hillary clinton oh my god about the clinton you could get like you could get darth vader you could get all kinds of people vader i had no idea you could get i i'm drawing a blank but there were tons you could get because the constant on fire was so fun like straight up cheat codes if you just wanted to like drink mountain dew great cheat codes excellent first pick joy fantastic but an amazing game and also a hint of strategy sometimes somebody like a sean jordan on here will take in a best smells draft for example the smell of weed even though he does not smoke weed at all interesting i love that i love that fucking chaos energy smells good i've you know i, you've known me for a long time. You know that every time I'm around weed, I say, damn, this smells good.

I wish I could smoke weed. That's true. But now I'm looking back. I'm like, was that just fucking, was he usual suspecting me the entire time? He walked straight at the end. The entire time. That's what I think happened. Yeah, I'm a smart dude, bro.

NBA Jam, the first pick off the board. The Akeem Olajuwon of A.F.ijah of afv david boy time for your first pick uh i'm going classic arcade style side scroll basher everybody used to love it i'm going the simpsons yeah that was on mine that was on mine too i knew i thought about getting it first i thought about getting it first yep was thought about getting it first. Yep. Was it Marge that had the vacuum cleaner? Oh, yeah. Lisa with the jump rope. Bart with the skateboard. Yeah, absolutely.

Homer with just fucking bare fists. Yeah, he was just smacking guys out of trees. He just used his fists. I'll buy that. Hauling people like a grizzly bear. Yeah, man. But those last two picks, my whole childhood has been torn out of my chest and just shown me you got well you got defender now zack's on you got shit man this game is over the simpsons are a tough family and i'll buy that i bet they're all tough oh yeah they can all handle

themselves they're from flint michigan uh yeah no that's that game is just like what an arcade game is to me it's fun with your friends i love it when they two team up like remember like homer would pick up lisa yeah like great it's just like it's such a video game man it was so fun and the simpsons like simple animation lent itself so well to like an arcade game because it's like they don't have it it looked like the show you weren't really like you weren't really missing anything it was amazing it felt exactly like the show it still like looks cool when you like see it now in like a barcade or something like it it it it looks cool it's like got that great art style it's like still so fun to fun to look at that's a real fun thing about being the age that pretty much i think we're all that age roughly where it's like those games were the arcade games when i was a child and now i can go to a bar and those are

like the novelty arcade games that they have for the 21 year olds and i'm just like this is amazing this is this is what i want and i can have some beers while i do it i love a bar i always wanted to just get drunk and play the sims yeah i went Giggle Beach and they wouldn't let me get drunk because I was seven, but now. There's no hard A at this Chuck E. Cheese. No booze at the Tilt. We told you that, Jordan. I don't care if you're a crip. But I put it in a Jolt Cola bottle.

We do that at comedy shows now. Don't you fight Mr. Burns and Smithers at some point? Is that one of them? Mr. Burns has like a robot exoskeleton. Yes. Just a kid, like those Simpsons games. There was the arcade game, and then there was the home games

where Bart turned into Godzilla. The home games were fun too, though. Yeah. As a kid, I was always like, why don't they do this on the show? Why don't they just have Bart turn into Godzilla? It confused me why that was relegated to the video game why don't they just have him escaping a water slide for one whole level right do you remember that when you had to like navigate the

water slide yeah man mount splash more i got nothing else to say about it man this is getting me it's a great man as soon as we can as soon as we can hang out again boy that's gonna be fun hard side is the ground control shout out to ground control in portland by the way hopefully hopefully still chugging along uh yeah excellent that big wrestler you have to fight like that's an early boss right yeah yeah yeah it is yeah it is weird those like it's like there's some character designs from the show and then just these crazy ones created for the game. It's like, oh, all these like, you know, like it's a crazy janitor. You're like, where did that come?

Anyway. They just had to pull it up, but it fit. It just like sort of fit. Yeah, absolutely. That's a clear voice. That's a clear voice. Sean, Jordan,

time for your first pick. It's tough. I don't know if I want to go linear, if I want to go true to myself or what I think you guys will pick because I want it on my list. I think I'm safe with most of my passion projects here, so I am going to go...

All right, I'm going to have Street Fighter 2. It was my... Fuck me up, daddy. I don't think Ian was was gonna take it but i'd be lying if i didn't say that was i there's like four probably four arcade games that are like that i don't know that are very important to me but this one kind of just barely eclipses because it was the one that i was really good at i was really good at street fighter yeah who's there i would love to hear who everybody's main is ryu for days for days i'll beat you with

anybody hands down probably left-handed but no no fucking way absolutely i can't wait until we can hang out again i'll fuck you up i want it let's hear let's get everyone's go-to though uh blanca oh look is my main shun lee leaves my backup i'm a zangief oh see my buddy joey's a zangief and it's like what are you what are you trying to prove i liked it i liked an e honda or or a blanca but i was i was never i was never i got into street fighter 2 i could play it on the console at home but like at arcades the kids who played it were so good yeah that i couldn't even i couldn't even crack the rotation i couldn't it's a serious good enough to get shots up because they got all that they got all those terminologies they're like oh yeah he did an air-to-air and

you're like right i'd pull up to wonderland and john jordan jordan morris would be up there fucking like throwing down and like like sparks flying off their hands and i couldn't i couldn't get involved i would go set uh i would just, I'd win the machine. This is always what I would do at Bridgetown to bring it up again. I would go win the machine from whoever and then I would just play until I felt like not playing anymore

because nobody ever beat me. Oh yeah, just give your turn to a kid. That's always a fun baller move in an arcade. Like here, I'm done. Take it, kid. My girlfriend's here, bro. I gotta go. You can have my game.

Sean Throom, his 40-soaked plaid shirt. Wow, thanks, Mr. Jordan. Gee whiz. The first fight that I remember getting into in my life was because of Street Fighter. My buddy Smith and I rolled up to the electric rainbow. Sorry if I've told this on here before, but there were two bigger kids playing. We were probably eight. These kids were probably 11. I went up and I beat the kid and then i started playing the machine and this kid comes up behind me and he starts like flicking my ear and i was i was like this is insane and then he spit on me and it hit my ear and it so

went like off my ear onto the screen and i turned around and i started kicking him so i gave him a bunch of roundhouses and then he punched me in my xiphoid process and knocked the wind out of me wow you got zangiefed yeah this is how little we were the the old lady working was probably 70 no shit and she came and pulled us apart so it wasn't it wasn't like two dogs going at it but uh so then these two big kids went and sat right outside of the arcade waiting for me and smith and we're like well shit so we called his mom and had her come escort us out of the arcade and that was my yeah that was my first fight that i remember man too good at too good at street

fighter too good at street fighter anytime we can get a good xiphoid process reference in i'm i'm a fan of that yeah oh yeah right there that's what knocks the window out of your boy but yeah street fighter man love it learned how to do all the specials in the arcade where it's like one of the easiest so you know you do the dragon punch and kids are like damn gee this guy they take their quarters back and they're like no i'll be i'll be he printed out a little list from the internet and brought it with him with all the special moves the internet what are you talking about? Early AOL. Sean doesn't have the internet now.

I was going to say. I just take spoons outside and throw them against the radiators of cars. Now, Sean's picking Street Fighter 2. That also eliminates from this bracket Street Fighter 2 Championship Edition, Street Fighter 2 Turbo, Super Street Fighter 2, all the... I don't know. Super Street Fighter 2 was a pretty different game, though. Yeah, new characters. I don't know. they all boil down to the same thing to me they're all they're all different forms of water sure i thought that was so smart in my head and then

i said i was like well that didn't even sound that yeah so pissed i liked it yeah man street fighter two yeah good choice yeah that's yeah you can buy a simpsons arcade game for like oh yeah under five grand that's what go down but what arcade games can you buy my buddy dj has a console we'll probably bring up later so i won't say it but he got one for like we all threw down it was like uh 800 bucks or something and it's in the crib right now oh nice yeah you can buy those like emulator machines where it like has you know right all the classics and then all neo geo games on it fine yeah yeah they're fun i'm not gonna do it i'm just you could it's fun to know that you could if you wanted to yes to have the window open i just want to have the window open for a second that's all i

want to do buy a console and hollow it out and then put beetlejuice inside it and tell dana be like i bought a beetlejuice video game and then that's my cat it's a lot of work for that break be funny to me buy a console ruin it put a cat in there and then be like hey there's a cat in here just and like the mate the the maximum reaction you could get to that is oh cute oh nice oh that cost me a thousand dollars get him out of there that would probably be the main get him out of that now please safely get my cat out of there and get that out of the house for those ian there's n NBA jam innards everywhere. Oh, God. I would never. I would never.

It is time for my first and my second pick, as it is a serpentine draft. I think I gotta go one-two punch just a couple of classics here. With my first pick, I'm taking now there's different ways to pronounce it. I pronounce it rampage. I'm taking rampage.

As the French say. Yeah. Rampage. I say rompe, rompe, like a Daddy Yankee song. Rompe. I'm taking now a major motion picture. Rampage. What?

Is it a movie? Yeah, the rock's in it. It's pretty good, too. Is it good, or does his movie's all stuff? It's good. I'm with you. What'd you just say, David? What'd you just say? Say it again.

What do you think I fucking said? Why don't you go watch Walking Tall tonight and then get back to me? Yeah, I'll watch that piece of shit. I'm going to watch Gridiron Gang. Dude. Then I'll watch Baywatch. David's just espousing my beloved opinion that Dwayne The Rock Johnson has never been in a good movie other than the Fast and the Furious franchise. I like the rundown.

And yet he's the world's biggest movie star. I like the rundown. A bunch of them are trash, right? He makes like a bunch of shit. The Tooth Fairy ain't that dank, but that's about it. That's the only stinker. Oh, that's the only stinker? The Tooth Fairy? That's the one I would think you would like the most. I've never seen it. I was just trying to be humorous.

Yeah, you would like it. I've seen it. I don't think it's the most. I've never seen it. I was just trying to be humorous. Yeah, you would like it. I've seen it. I don't think it's the worst. I do think his movies do get points because people like him so much. So I think it just gets general rock points because he holds up his kid on Instagram a lot. Rock points. People like that.

But I will contend that I think Rampage is a great stony Sunday afternoon movie to just kind of throw on. It's a lot of fun. It's fun. I agree. It's fun. Moana is a good movie.

That's the other thing. Oh, he was in Moana. He was in Moana. Rampage, it's a fun movie. I've seen it. I didn't have a bad time. Rampage, the video game. The game.

Now, to criticize my own pick, the thing it lacks that some of these have, although not all of them, is on those side scrolls, like you want like in The Simpsons, it's a different, you know, you're on different levels. Things look different.

On Rampage, it's a lot of the same sort of climb up a building. Different heights of building. Things get harder. But I just fucking love it. What a great idea. Just climbing up a building as a wolf, that punch where you grab someone yeah

and then you like sometimes it's a cactus yeah oh it hurts i just fuck i just love it i i was never somebody who could like for some for whatever reason either my attention span or because i just wasn't good enough at arcade games i was never let me camp out at this one game for like an hour i was always like five minutes five minutes five minutes and rampage was like a great fucking land there for five minutes game i just loved it yeah that was like a definite bowling alley game they had that that rampage was like one of the ones at the bowling alley like eastway bowl i think i also could never really figure out how to how to get the buildings all the way down that's one thing that i never really got in rampage i'd climb up i'd hit some windows but i could never figure out they had to beat the buildings all the way down. That's one thing that I never really got in Rampage.

I'd climb up, I'd hit some windows, but I could never figure out that you had to beat the whole bottom up. You had to work them all the way up. You had to hit it at the bottom, dude. Watch loose change. You had to hit it at the bottom of it. You know, my strategy was always

climb to the top without doing anything and punch my way down. That was always... That's a good one. Yeah, you know, it doesn't work for everybody, but it works for me. That's what I'm doing with show business. Punching your way down.

I'm going to climb to the top, not doing anything, and punch my way out of this bitch. Yeah, right to the Mendocino Farms on La Brea. Hell yeah. Shout out to that couscous salad. That couscous salad was good as hell. I love that couscous salad. It's a great side, a great side.

Sean, it's wild that you didn't understand how to play Rampage because it's basically a serpentine draft of each building. No, it's not great side. A great side. Sean, it's wild that you didn't understand how to play Rampage because it's basically a serpentine draft of each building. No, it's not wild then. Yeah, I guess. Oh, I get it. Draft food and you pick a ball pit and that's how you're going to do me, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Second pick. It's a classic. I got to take it. I'm taking Ms. Pac-Man. Oh, yeah. take it. I'm taking Ms. Pac-Man. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Fucked up my bracket. Ms. Pac-Man.

Fucked up mine. That was going to be my next one for sure. I was going to say Tabletop Ms. Pac-Man. Ooh, Tabletop Ms. Pac-Man is great. Pizza Hut Ms. Pac-Man, I call that. There you go. That was for days. Is this now, are we counting this throwing out all the iterations of Pac-Man?

I think so. Yeah. I do think Ms. is the definitive. I think so, too. It's the best version of the game but she's fast that miss pac-man wasn't fast and it sucked miss pac-man is fast and it's fun as shit still fun as shit to this day holds up still holds up impeccably like so many retro games when you play them like you get that little nostalgia hit and you're like this isn't actually fun though like video games are better now but like miss pac-man fun as shit to play yeah man hammer and nails that's all i need it's such it's such a fun game it's like citizen

kane it's it's like insane that it's still so entertaining like why is this good this should be homework yeah but it's exhibit exhibit designed it that's why it's good exhibit was heavily involved in the production of both citizen kane and miss pac-man i love it i love throwing the bow on little beauty mark and then just fucking getting after it like you said it's still fun it's still fun to this day it's still great get a couple beers in you play some miss pac-man hell yeah the other one game i want to shout out is pac-man battle royale which we had some throwdown sessions on is that the huge one they have on a ground control right yeah where it's like we're four player pac-man and you're like

i'll fucking each other up the whole time yeah that game stresses me out you know when when you lose if you hit the start button a bunch it like blows little loads on the winner's uh face it does what if you lose and you hit the start button a bunch it'll blow a a little like, I only can describe them as little loads on whoever won. It'll just hit them all over their face. I can't quite picture it, honestly. It's like little paint splats. Nobody knows what I'm talking about. It'll blow like little paint splats on the winner's game face.

I've never heard anybody say, there's no really other word for it. It's blowing loads. It confused me because A, I knew for it it's blowing loads i just it confused me because a i knew they weren't actually blowing loads and but b i couldn't figure out what it might actually be in i think it's i don't know what it is what does pac-man what else does pac-man do i don't know maybe it's soup i don't know a lot of fruit so his jizz might be like a treat yeah it'd be kind of tasty he also eats a lot of fruit, so his jizz might be like a treat. Yeah, it'd be kind of tasty. He also eats a lot of ghosts.

That can't be good for the night. That's true. That makes you fart a bunch. When you eat a ghost, it makes you fart. Undead is bad for your seed. Right. Every time when you were a kid and somebody would fart, you're like, oh, who had ghosts? Who's been had ghosts for lunch?

That's nasty, dude. Thatdy grody you flaunt it haunted we said pukish for some reason was a big like insult that was very adult yeah pukish rather pukish chaps pukish oh yeah there little Bill and Ted, too, if you say it like that, too. Pukish. Totally. Pukish dudes. Sean, time for your second pick. Second pick, I am going to go... It was fun because you could pick someone and be like, hey, let's do this together and play Double Dragon together. Oh, yeah, that was on my list.

Double Dragon's fun. So you'd grab... It wasn't you didn't compete against this person. Rather, they were your teammate, and you played Double Dragon together. And So you'd grab. It wasn't you didn't compete against this person. Rather, they were your teammate. And you played double dragon together. And I like double dragon. It wasn't too hard, which is always something I was looking for in a game. It was like you could definitely get your mileage out of a quarter.

And it just had fun. You could throw people. You could hit people with the lead pipes. Kind of like the Simpsons, but a little more like felt like I was actually a little more grimy when I was playing Double Dragon. Yeah. Kind of thing. It was adult. And it didn't get crowded.

Simpsons can get crowded when there's four. Double Dragon was just, you know, two strips of bacon. Just two brothers in red and blue denim. Billy and Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Is that their names? And then there were like.

Yeah, Billy and Jimmy, I think were their names. The big dudes that would come out of the garage doors and you're like, whoa, in real life, that'd be like, that guy's bigger than Shaq coming out of that, and like, buffer than Shaq, and just like a huge person, and you still just have to beat him up with lights and out, you know? It was fun. I played a... Sean?

Oh, sorry, go ahead, David. I was just going to say, I played a Double Dragon-style game on Oculus the other day. Ooh, how does that work? It was fun as fuck. You just did that punching and kicking everybody. But it's like from,

like it looks, it feels like you're doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was amazing. Cool. Oh, yeah. Sean, you've picked Street Fighter 2

and Double Dragon. And you were also a big Taekwondo guy growing up. What level of strategization from your martial arts training went into you playing these games was there some level of thought in my mind tons that's why that's why street fighter was the game because i was like well i'm ryu basically i saw myself this is all accurate this is my uniform on i you you'll notice the shadows in my in my butterflies kind of go the

same way as ryu's and i stand like i used to stand and think that i was like dude you kind of look like ryu when you're standing and like just huffing from just beating the shit out of someone i never beat the shit out of anyone but yeah a lot and in double dragon it was always like this is what you would do if you were cornered and you had to go rescue someone and you were out for justice and you had to beat like a thousand henchmen up before you got to the boss. That's how you do it, bro. You get your brother that you don't have and you'd go out there in the streets and fucking light them up. These video game dudes have done their research.

This is all fucking accurate. Were you ever stepping away from the console like this? Just throwing some like fucking. No, I'm not a dork i was i've always been pretty cool let's not go crazy i don't know let's splits at football practice don't listen david if someone did this fucking splits at football practice right now you'd think there was stone cold g and i'll hear nothing more i don't know if you know what g stands for gangster i'm a crip no i never stepped back and like rockied it

but i you know i'd be feeling myself i'd bounce more street fighter because that was like your you could see the person that you're hitting i like i'm picturing you dude i'm picturing you like 12 years old bandana accurate you know what i mean oh yeah fully into the one i thought i was in a gang phase we'd still go to aladdin's castle i'd like sideways ducat playing street fighter for sure and you hitting the street fighter buttons like like that oh did you do that dude yeah that's it the breathing and then you respectfully bow to your opponent when you defeat them joey escobar's malibu martial arts i got in a fight with my buddy when we were kids and we were arguing in the living we were like seven we're arguing in the living room and i was like let's go outside we went out in the front yard and i was like well before we fight we have

to bow so we bowed and then i beat him up wow i mean i little kid beat him up i you have you had honor though you were an honorable child you respected it and then we both cut our hands with a butterfly knife and shook hands and we're like all right the bond is sealed you seven-year-olds had a butterfly it's a hardcore childhood no we didn't do that no i went to junior high with a kid who was a really sweet kid who just had a butterfly knife and could do those like spins with it i think about that i'm like why did mike nguyen have a butterfly knife anyway because it was cool middle there was always a dude at middle school with a butterfly knife i think that's like something about being an eighth grade middle school experience because we had that dude too we had a couple of those dudes i was that guy one of those dudes in every hall yeah the

butterfly knife kid also probably had fireworks too like that's also always the kid i had fireworks a lot when i was a kid oh okay you were the fireworks i had a lot of fireworks i blew up a black cat in my hand you can't really say oh wow i did that i did that too one time and nothing happened no i was it was numb for like an hour people get so mad when i say it but it's like i don't know what to tell you it didn't blow my hand off i didn't want to do it mine was an accident but it happened yeah mine was an accident too i'm not a fucking idiot but i'm just saying you are but i'm just saying like you know it it is possible my stepdad dog my stepdad when i was a kid was the same dude with the playboys the same nefarious character with the playboys he wrapped black cats around his

whole torso and lit them like a hundred a hundred rack and wait yeah and then spun around what in the front yard he wrapped black cats around his whole body was this fourth of july or just july they're still married yeah do you understand how crazy what you just said is i do it was wild to see is your friend a henchman in double dragon this is my stepdad and uh he might be. He also one time, Pizza Hut we mentioned, he took a whole jar of those peppers

from Pizza Hut and just ate the whole thing right in front of me until it impressed me. Shit. Why? I'm impressed retroactively. It worked.

I was a kid. I was like, holy buckets. That was dope. Did you just hear howling from the toilet like the next day? I must have blacked all that out.

Just like a mournful howling the next day was the only like actual real fight i've ever seen them get in maybe double dragon dude yeah double dragon was what was happening to his butt after he had all these chilies right david time for your second pick oh man i had to have a driver on there i'm taking cruising usa oh good choice not on my list but yeah that's great oh i used to love it it was like when i was young enough that there was like driving a car wasn't even on the horizon no yeah and then you drive you're like you're like i could fucking drive like did you ever do it where you're like i'm not gonna hit anyone i'm really just gonna i'm gonna drive reasonably and you're like oh this'm not going to hit anyone. I'm really just going to drive reasonably. And you're like, well, this is driving.

I can drive. Yeah, because you can get in the pocket in that game. Because it was like, you got a free race if you got first, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think that's how you. And then you'd hit the time trials. Yeah.

I mean, I never did do stick. I'd like to go back now as a kid and try, or as an adult and try stick. Just like, it was never an option for me. That double tap on the on the accelerator to get that boost yeah yeah the yellow stuff comes out the back and you could choose the you could you could choose you could switch the cd player you had a little cd player type radio and you could switch the songs yeah that game was tight it was great it was great better than cruising world for some reason yeah they they peaked with the first one

the diminishing returns for the cruising series but yeah fucking cruising usa rocks cruising usa you end at the white house with bill clinton in a hot tub right no way really or was that a cheat hold on let me make sure i'm not i feel like he was leaving breadcrumbs to his activities yeah we should we all should have known. It was in too many video games. All throughout 90s video games, he let us know what was going on. Right. Like, back then, that went...

The end of that game is Bill Clinton in a hot tub? I think that was before we knew he got the knobber, you know, the unfaithful knobber. But, like, before that, it would have just been kind of a funny, funny funny funny thing like look at the president's in a hot tub what a funny world the arcade version of cruised in usa the original has a slightly different ending than the n64 one in this version before showing the roof the screen flashes political cartoon for a moment and once the cameras panned up on the roof uh there's the secret service and then there's a bunch of cows and then there's bill clinton relaxing in a hot tub placed in the back of a pickup truck accompanying him are two smiling bouncing women in pink bikinis one a tall hair blonde the other hillary rodham clinton

i like this version of hillary is like chill. First of all, Obama could never. No. People would go, hey, shit. Unfortunately, Trump did. Trump did, unfortunately. But like Bill Clinton okayed that. Does anybody realize the president of the United States was like. I don't think you have to okay.

I think it's like it falls under satire laws or something. That's what I was going to say. I will say I don't think he had to okay it, but I do think he might. I do think he was okay with it. Oh, yeah. Well, let me see the girls. Is there a way to see without beating the whole game? No.

Now, you've gained impersonations as you've lost weight. Clinton was pretty good, honestly. I like you. You lost your exhibit. You gained a bill. as you've lost weight. Clinton was pretty good, honestly. I like you. You lost your exhibit, you gained a bill.

I said to Al, I said to Al, what I want you to do all day is just play Cruisin' USA and constantly be beating it. And when you get to the cut scene where I'm in a hot tub with Hillary, call me into the room.

I'll come in, I'll have a chuckle, and then I'll go back to running the country, Al. And that's what he did for eight years. Wow. Yeah, that is crazy. Good job. Have you ever done that before today? No, I've never tried it.

Never heard it. Got a knack for it. I think you and Clinton have both lost some weight. If you see Clinton now, he's vegan. He's looking trim. Also, you both got knobbers in a hot tub after cruising USA. Or whatever they're insinuating happened there.

I think they're insinuating that. If they ever remake NBA Jam, let's get an Ian Carmel cheat code in there. He's on fire. I think they're insinuating that Bill Clinton got a double dragon in that hot sauce. I think that's... Is that not... Are we not using terms for the same thing? That's a hand job with hot sauce, using both hands.

What? A double dragon. From a guy named Billy and a guy both hands. What? A double dragon. From a guy named Billy and a guy named Jimmy. They're fighting over it. One's in a blue vest, one's in a red vest. It's a very specific sex act. I have a specific kink. What can I say?

It knows what I likes. In cruising USA, what were you in? San Francisco and Hawaii, right? Yeah. And then probably an la level i think there was a country level yeah i think there was an iowa one there was definitely an iowa one was there like the game you had to get in like that that was fun oh yeah that was the best getting into the shit that was the best feeling like yeah it just felt like it was like

this is a real simulator for me well you're now in your own little world. And like, maybe those cost 50 cents. And I remember even as a kid, like, this is worth it. This is like, you pay a little extra, you get the perks. That was the first introduction I had to that, where you're like, no. But I'm in something. I'm sitting in something. I'm not just standing around like a fucking dork with Velcro shoes. With the losers, with their parents that can see them.

I'm in here. Yeah. I'm out of the way i can drink beer in here i can do whatever i want this is my little world for four minutes before i die i can drink a beer and fart in here you tape up a picture of your best gal up there yeah who is kathy ireland in the magazine she sure was she sure was the ireland was there a greater 90s babe there was not it was not. The hottest. Jordan, time for your second and third picks.

So, okay. So I'm very bummed that Street Fighter's not on there. You know, Street Fighter's my main hang. I play every game in the series. I fucking watch the championship on Twitch. I am into Street Fighter. Live action movies? Yes, I have

seen both the Van Damme one and The Legend of Chun-Li, which is also real bad. Raul Julia was like stage four terminal cancer when he was playing M. Bison in that movie. And fucking having the time of his life. He knew it was a swan song. He seriously did.

He knew. He was shooting electricity out of his hands. My swan song is going to be the... Oh, never mind. I don't want to say another pick. Okay. But I love Street Fighter, but I do have a nasty little side piece,

and her name is Mortal Kombat. Oh, okay. I don't think you can have a discussion of classic arcade games without picking it. You know, not as technical a game as Street Fighter, a little more of a button masher, although recent iterations do have some technical things going on in them. But, I mean, fucking style, you know, iconic sound. Talking about iconic sounds, I think that's such an important thing to think about with arcade games.

Yeah, absolutely. Toasty, finish him, get over here. The blood and the fatalities the fatalities yeah it's just you know it's a great franchise i still love it um and the original uh again still pretty fun to play definitely like a little frustrating and you know you get the sense that half the characters are just one character with a different color palette on them but um but still it's still a fucking fun the whole beef and why it was a whole different skill set was because it had a block button and not just hit back so that was

like because i was never i was okay at mortal combat but that was why you were good at one or the other because it took all of you to get good at one of them because they were completely different yeah yeah totally and sometimes your street fighter skills were a detriment when you were playing mortal combat sure you couldn't move you like you were saying the nimble you weren't as nimble and mortal kombat was much more realistic in that like you didn't jump nearly as high you didn't jump half the screen forward right it was more like a three foot jump forward and it wasn't quick it was like you know if you jumped in the air you were going to get smoked by an uppercut and there was no getting around it kind of stuff.

Those fatalities. Mortal Kombat, man. Yeah. Ooh, fatalities. You were a Mortal Kombat man? I was a Mortal Kombat man. I was a dark, gritty child. You know what I mean?

Zack Snyder directed your childhood. Yeah, he did. Everything was a muted red. Everything in my life. Who was your Mortal Kombat character? I loved Scorpion. I fucking, it was right, I mean, I don't know, I was eight years old, maybe younger,

like, probably eight, you know, and like, I just fucking loved him. I loved the fucking get over here thing. I loved that his name was Scorpion. Backpack B. Yeah. Backpack B. That's how you did it. I loved his fatality. I loved all the fatalities. And then we had a dalliance. I'm sorry to use the word dalliance

whenever you're listening to this, especially if it's in the morning while you're listening, then I had a dalliance. I'm sorry to use the word dalliance whenever you're listening to this, especially if it's in the morning while you're listening. But I had a dalliance. Get off the road. It's more driving and I just said dalliance. I sincerely apologize. Sorry about that telephone pole you just smoked. And now I'm just saying dalliance over and over again. And I'm going to keep saying dalliance. I had a dalliance. And that dalliance

that I had was a dalliance with Kano. I had a dalliance with Kano. Oh, he had the robot eye? He had the robot eye? Everybody goes through their bad boy phase, you know? Yeah, I know the bad boy phase. Hey, we've all dated a few Kano's. Am I right, fellas?

Yes, we have. Back me up. Hey, Dad, this is Kano. He doesn't give a fuck about your dinner. Neither do I now. We're going to take his Miata and go out to fucking Hardee's. And you know what? They always fucking rip your heart from your chest.

At the end, you're dating that Kano bow down i'll tell you yeah i i think in my fighting games i like to go with on the surface the most bare bones person that's why i like ryu i was definitely a lu kangman sure and then you think you're like well lu kang turns into a dragon and shoots fireballs so there's not he has weapons but he's not holding them they just got like their uniform and to the naked eye they're just like yeah i just you know i just i fight honorable and everybody else kind of use weapons and stuff i tried to stay away from you also use johnny cage no he's a coward dude he hit people in the balls can't be having that or jacks when you say jacks now i get stoked for the upcoming movie that's going to be on hbo max i'm yeah that might be good.

I mean, I'm probably setting myself up for some pretty serious disappointment, but I think it'll be good. No. I liked the first one. I did too. I still like it. Christopher Lambert. Yeah.

All they're going to do is make Goro even scarier, so Ian leaves the theater quicker. Jordan, when I saw- Oh, no. Is this an old wound that we've opened up i went to a movie theater to watch it with it with my with my stepfather's son so i guess my stepbrother although i never really thought of him like that but he's awesome but it was never like we never lived together really but anyway that's boring i went to see it with him and when goro walked onto the screen i had to leave the theater. I was too scared.

I had to leave Tremors. I went to see Tremors with Tim Coda and I had to say I want to leave and I think we went into another theater and watched some of Always with Richard Dreyfuss. With Richard Dreyfuss. John Goodman. Sure. I think when you get too scared

and leave a movie, you're technically a scared. I'm a scared. I'm a scared. Goro, dude, I think when you get too scared and leave a movie, you're technically a-scared. So we got too a-scared and had to leave. I'm a-scared. I'm a-scared. Moro, dude, four arms. And all of them meant business. It was scary. What was the other one?

Was it Motaro? Was that the other one? So Kintaro was born with the dragon stripe. Kintaro. Yeah, and I think Motaro was the centaur in three. Okay. I could be wrong. Did you ever beat Smoke?

Anybody in here? Oh, yeah. Secret character. I never beat him. Same outfit as the other guys, but it was just gray, right? Yeah. And he had a little smoke coming off him at all times. Right, right.

He was steaming. There was Noob Saibot. There was Smoke. There was Reptile. Rain was the purple ninja ninja it's a fun little who was the lady with the fans katana katana yeah i like that katana and melina the palette swaps uh dude female characters i don't know how much you guys have watched the trailer for the new one i've watched a ton a few times too it just just looks so, it's going to be so fun. Yeah. It just is.

I mean, I'm, all of us, but we're pretty vocal about the fact that like, if I want to like something, there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure or anything like that. I just, this is going to be a pleasure for me to watch this movie.

I ain't going to be nothing guilty about it. I'll get a t-shirt if I feel like it. Whoa. I'm so excited to see it. Jack's with his fuck when they, when Sub-Zzero freezes his arms off you're like there's the beef dude there's the beef that's how it got started he's not gonna let this slide you can't i'm gonna get bigger better arms and i'm gonna come to the tournament

homeboy if i know jacks yeah he does yeah the jacks i know just toss that log into the fire i've known jacks since we were kids the jacks that i went the jacks that i went to iowa state on a scholarship on a lacrosse scholarship with yeah oh yeah jacks were middle school together kid always had a butterfly knife and kid always fucking held a grudge you're talking about you're talking about ajax ralphio the kid who peed his pants when he went to the minor racer at Six Flags? Yeah, that dude who always had

a handful of bugles. That's Jax for you. That's our Jax. That's his sitcom. That's our Jaxie. Pretty bad dandruff and always wore the blackest shirts but pretty upsetting dandruff. Hot sister.

Oof, Jax's sister. Yeah. A ooga. Hot sister. She grew up to be Megan Good. Wow. I didn't know that Jax is related to Megan Good. A lot of people didn't know that.

I didn't know that. Yeah, she doesn't talk about it. What a talented family. Yeah, no, they're great. They're great. Jordan, your second pick was Mortal kombat what will your third pick okay third pick uh we're talking we talked about bowling alley games earlier i think the fucking king of bowling alley games is and always will be area 51 i'm surprised nobody got it um yeah area 51 light gun game uh you're sneaking into the titular uh alien prison and you're fucking blowing up zombies you're blowing up aliens it's area 51

where you have the gun you have to point it down to reload yeah i mean that's every gun game though right that's a lot of them um yeah just you know those gun games are such a like staple of arcades and something that like you just it just it's never right at home they always sold the like plastic guns and then a kid would get shot because he had one and you know so yeah i i think that that was just like that is an experience like purely for arcades i think in area 51 is just like it was everywhere everybody held the gun like they were a fucking drug dealer like on the tv and you're like just having it against the tv area 51 you'd like i would always step back to the full extension of the cord because you were honorable you were honorable i'm saying

position right you were laying on your stomach i threw deer piss i threw deer piss all over the face paint i'd tell everyone in the arcade to shut the fuck up. Everybody be quiet for a quarter's worth. I might accidentally hit that woman with big boobs. That would be... If you really did, if you walked around, you're like, hey, I'm going to play Area 51. If you guys could just be super quiet for 10 minutes,

I'm pretty good, so maybe 15. And just the whole arcade shuts down. You were talking to that microphone that's up against your larynx like okay don't give away don't give away the position don't give away the position yeah area 51 was a really i mean there were classic i had that on the list i had a couple other what small gun games is that what you call them oh i don't know yeah what are you i like gun games i think i would call them i don't know if there's a better category for them that one was so fun i also love like there's something fun about like when like it moves you you know like the script like because you just sit there and shoot and then it's like all right we're moving this way and that way you're going a jeep yeah yeah did it put you in a jeep was that

yeah you get in a little jeep there's some like kind of driving and flying levels and then yeah you don't want to hit the bystanders one of them being a just a woman with massive chugs and it would do the thing where like somebody else would come up and tap you like come on we're going this way and you'd see them running in front of you so you're like shit we're all going like this is legit it's not just me it felt like being in starship troopers yeah i bet that's part of what they were going for yeah it definitely had that had that vibe, that kind of paramilitary vibe. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Area 51, that's a great pick. Hell yeah. And they're still all over the place. I feel like you still go into a dumpy bar that's not a barcade, and they'll just have one in the corner. It's always kind of nice to see an Area 51. Good sound effects, too. You go into those bars, and you go play it, and people look at you with open eyes, and

they're like, oh. And you're like, you do you could play this too if you weren't embarrassed for some reason to get up and play the fucking video game that's in the bar you can do that it's fine you're you're taking shots of jägermeister it's no more embarrassing than playing a video game you know go for it play the game you're over there doing both life i'm mad about it i'm drinking with red bull jaeger bombs dude life is for living. Aliens are for killing. That's right, man. My favorite Tom Petty song. Little ditty about Area 51. It's a video game.

I think it's really fun. Anyway. Fire. I don't think I can. Flamethrower, dude. Go on with that parody. Flamethrower. I bet you could.

Oh, yeah. The game is fun. David, time for your third pick, dude. Because I don't know if I want to go gun game gun game, like back to back like that. You got time crisis on there?

Dude, come on, man. Yeah, it is. Sorry. Yeah, it is. It's fucking right. What? God damn it. God damn it. Was it really? Yeah, man. that's what i've never seen anyone i've never seen anyone getting david's face that hard no i would rather i want to take uh because this was like i always loved the the games that were like you're like what the fuck i didn't even know you could do that in an arcade yeah so i'm taking top skater do you guys remember that talk about soundtrack if you love pennywise they got three songs that was gonna be my fifth pick

and i would have bet dollars to donuts that nobody was gonna pick that you asshole yeah dollars and donuts yeah now you now you're just double broke do i remember top skater that's what we would do we'd get done skating and be like let's go let's go fake skate now it was a dollar a pop so it was really fucking decadent but like that game was so much so and it was like a whole skateboard so you stood on the whole skateboard and you would have to like pop it back and hit rails and shit like that it was really fun rails you could hold on to we had it we had one in town it was a magic castle and i think we broke it because we would try to you know we were probably being assholes like we actually skates we'd pop the tail down but hard and yeah pretty sure we broke it but it was so

it was broken a lot too or at least at the arcade at the sea tack mall it was that shit was broke so like when you would play it you'd be stoked stoked because, A, if it wasn't broke, and B, there wasn't some 13-year-olds on it, you know what I mean, over there talking about hand jobs or some shit. You know 13-year-olds are always talking about hand jobs. Fucking teenagers. That's what they're talking about. But yeah, Top Skater, right?

Outside sharing a cigarette. I loved it. That game was so fun, but it was a dollar. So it was on. I'd be like, man, I'm going. I got to play quarter games, and then I'll play one round of Top Skater before I leave. that game was so fun but it was a dollar so it was on i'd be like man i'm going i gotta play quarter games and then i'll play one round of top skater like before i leave like a balanced diet yeah it was like a frosting on top of the cake i can't just eat dessert no i can't just i'll be

i'll be i'll be out of money and my mom's still at the fucking bon marche or wherever she's at sometimes to extend my to extend my play i would like walk around with my friends and just watch them play games and get like super vocal with it and then it'd be like all right i'm not spending my quarters i'm just vicariously playing the game with them before i know it it's a half hour later and i'm like all right i can spend a buck now on top skater jordan did my ears deceive or did you say pennywise was on the soundtrack i think i didn't play a ton of top skater but i could see that i vaguely remember pennywise being a big part of the soundtrack i believe that i might be wrong about talking they were huge as far as like skateboarding so i'm sure i could easily see them making huge as far as david bory i always thought

i don't imagine what the fuck is this i i have a real soft spot for the punk rock of the 90s like i love a band i love a bad religion uh pennywise fucking sucks pennywise i i like have a i have a soft spot for the genre but even i recognize that like where's some other ones like fret blanket like some deeper ones fret blanket dude no i don't know i don't know yeah i never heard of fret blanket it's a regional thing i hope not i'm gonna sound like a clown so i'm trying to think like deep cut lag wagon lag wagon lag wagon still fucking hard lag wagon that's a jordan here and you criticize uh pennywise like that makes me sound it makes it kind of sound now i'm afraid if i'm if i'm speaking out of turn here i do you like authority you must like authority i love authority and the fact that they

would say fuck authority just really grinds my gears you know that's where that's where i thought it might be coming from me a straight white man yeah got a fence around my house you know because pennywise says fuck authority silent majority raised by the, now it's time to rise against them. No thanks. They are corny as fuck. Listen, I bought a new NoFX album this year. I have credentials. I love NoFX.

Yeah, NoFX rips. Sean and I went and saw the Me First and the Gimme Gimme's Christmas show a couple years ago. Oh, so did I. I thought we were at that same show. We probably were. I have some buddies, and we go every year, and we wear Descendants Christmas sweaters. It was so fun. You had to have been there then.

I fell down in the pit. It was the nicest. Ian and I both on the way there were like, let's probably just hang back, not get in the pit. And I don't think we could have gone straight towards something more than we did. That was over as soon as they started playing.

They just tore the tickets, and we almost didn't even look at each other like,'s getting the pit wow i'm impressed i was so fun dude i uh i rarely pit these days it was nice i fell down and they stopped the whole thing and somebody picked me up dust like they were like you good and i was like fuck yeah and kept going nice i don't like like a i don't know like a slipknot pit or whatever where they're like i want to separate your shoulder but this is like a fun one just want to contact you know you do like an ic pit I do that was the most scared I've ever been in a in a pit was the icp pit it was because it was you couldn't move man it was like peep I mean like packed in like sardines and just the wave if it took you if

you fell you'd have been oh yeah it was scary outside of the pit walking into the concert all of that would have been the scaredest i've ever been it was so sick everyone has a good concert i'd relive that concert all day man it was fun it was so fun yep um sean time for your third pick my third pick um i'm gonna go man i'm so heavy on the fighting um i'm gonna go 1942 i love nice nice that's a good pick 1942 one of the a game like 1942 it has the immediate uh i don't know like the what am... What am I looking for? The boost of like, you get bigger guns each time. So like you kill a big plane,

the big gun floats around and then boom, you have like four more laser streams or whatever. And then you can just build to the biggest gun. It's got those immediate rewards where it's such a fast paced stimulating game. There's really not a lot to it. And you can even get to the point where you just hold down the shoot button and you're moving and all you do is dodge bullets from the other planes at that point

and then you get to the end the bosses or whatever and at a certain point you have to hit them for like three minutes straight to beat them I don't know it's just fun real stimulating I was always sweating by the time I was done you keep saying stimulating I was beating off the whole time.

You didn't do that? What I love about that game is the realism. That's what it was like. Yeah. If you watch World War II documentaries. It's my Dunkirk. The greatest generation knows what it's like. I don't need to play the game.

I lived it. They're shooting weird. The fucking Jerry's were up there shooting weird glowing orbs at us. And we were shooting them right back. And you can hit planes and tanks with the same gun. It didn't matter. He shot me with a laser for three minutes straight and I made it out. So, you know, every day is gravy from here on out.

We had two bombs that could kill everybody. Only two. I hit the special button and yeah, that one bomb wiped out everything I could see. And then, but then there was more. Yeah. Grandpa's war stories. That's all that game is. 1942 was one where my arm would be tired.

It does sound like I'm beating off. My arm would be tired and I'd be sweating by the end of it. But it was very fun. It was very fun. Get my heart rate up. It was weird that you brought lotion to the game. No, it is. You think it's weird.

I don't think it was weird at all. Taped up a picture of Kathy Ireland. Old faithful. This one's for you, Kathy. If I didn't bring lotion, then what would I put on my pizza? That doesn't make any sense. No, that's a great point. Yeah.

Yeah, some people bring their own Parmesan. Some people bring their own hot sauce. I just put Juergens on it. Thank you. Thanks for the lotion, Wilbur. That was the animatronic coyote that would drive around at uh giggle bees wilbur was his name cool guy we were sitting here like assholes not knowing wilbur is i didn't know what i had no idea what's going on the fantasy was shattered when i

found out that a kid i went there when i was like a freshman and i was like oh wait i know the kid that does the voice now then it was all then it was so stupid there was just some kid did the voice so was wilbur just like um pretty much or i can't no i can't remember if he typed it or what but yeah it's this kid justin who was on the he was a wrestler and he did the voice for wilbur and i'm like well that sucks on the air hockey tables fucked up do you guys get boners sometimes um So the bumper cars are like super fucking fucked up right now. So we go over there. Kid threw up in the batting cage. The bumper cars are super fucking fucked up.

Such a kid way to say it. They're pretty fucking fucked up, dude. you get a way to say it they're pretty fucking fucked up dude that like completely unnecessary swear word just because they know they can swear now i love that shit oh that's already uh 1942 great pick great pick time for my uh third and fourth picks at this point i took i took a couple classics now i just have to go fully the games I fucked with the most. I'm going fully my taste, just the games I played. And I have to go with this one. I'm going to go with the Die Hard arcade game.

I didn't even know that was a game. I didn't even know about that. Didn't think of that as a fun game. Still pretty fun. Did it have guns? Was it guns? Oh, heavy guns. It was like, I mean, it was like you pick it up and like, no, it was very, it was like

side scroll. It wasn't though. It looked, I mean, it was like a three, it was early, like 850 bucks on eBay, bud. For a diehard arcade game. Yeah. Twice the price. They, it was like that weird like polygonal there it is sean's holding it up okay kind of in the air of like virtua fighter and virtua cop those types of

games this is awesome you would pick up different guns you like beat people up in the bathroom it was only barely barely based on die hard like the only idea was that it was in a building you were fighting your way up, basically. I think the story is that it was a Japanese game about something else, and they just slapped Die Hard on it because it was similar enough. I'll buy that at a negative price

because it seems like that for sure. They just made the guy bald-ish. He plays the harmonica in one scene. There's a whole other video game called moonlighting that you play leading up to it will they won't they it was so fun that you beat people up and you like got their guns and like at some point you got like an elephant gun right you would like shoot a few times and then throw and i just fucking loved it for some reason i think you i think it is so dissimilar from Die Hard.

I could be wrong about this. I think you fight an octopus at some point. I think you fight an octopus. I like that. Yeah. You definitely fight a helicopter at one point. Where did you... I never saw the game.

Did you have it in the Tron somewhere? It was in the Wonderland. It was at several Wonderlands. Ah, that's awesome. No, I never even... Looking at it anyways, it doesn't look familiar to me. That's a bummer because that looks dope yeah it was awesome i really enjoyed it uh that i spent like a lot of time also part of the reason and this goes back to like

the specific wonderland that i spent a lot of time with it was really fun but didn't always have a big crowd at it like it wasn't like a super hyped one so i just was like oh i can just hang out here and keep playing it and i'm not like taking someone's spot you know king in the castle right yeah king of the castle did so die hard and my next one i gotta go with the only maybe the only other well it's another sports game i'm taking nfl blitz nice nice that game dude when you used to knock fools out of their pads and stuff yeah that shit was fantastic because then you only have to get like 30 yards or something to get a touchdown i mean it was like there were no first downs or some shit like that yeah it was it was something like that you got four plays and just all kinds of mayhem it's the kind of game that would not

get an nfl license in this day and age i'll tell you that no because it was called like it would be called like Paralyze Everyone was one of the plays and shit like that. You fucking murdered people. Head trauma bonus. Weren't late hits okay in that game? Everything was okay in that game. It was all late hits and just like picking people up

and throwing them down. You could grab people by their face mask and fling them to the ground. And like it would like all their pads would go flying. Every every player was latimer from the program that was like the whole video game everything was fucking it was so violent and gnarly and like just so fun just like a fucking fun ass and you could do like football arcade game right yeah it was two on two right it was fun i gosh that was uh they only had if i remember it was quite the small playbook too and there were teams like in any given sunday it'd be like the

fucking the st louis sharks and stuff and you're like no i thought it was it was nfl it was nfl blitz really they had nfl teams yeah yeah because i remember i would be the steelers a lot yeah everyone was the steeler i feel like the steelers were like the seattle super sonics because didn't you make like it might have been cordell stewart at the time i don't even remember what years that was what it had been jerome baddus or someone jerome baddus like fucking yeah yeah it was just it was just a fight it was violence that game was fucking violence it was arcade style play because like before that remember all the football games were like quarterback club and like madden or like tecmo tecmo ball i guess but like people weren't i don't

feel like football games were that fun before that uh did anybody play mutant league football yes it's a genesis game It was like post-apocalypse and like the ball could be a bomb and, you know, toxic waste exploded all over everybody. I think about that when I think of like, oh, that's a football game. It's actually like kind of fun. Right, right, right.

And not far off from the reality of playing football. No, yeah. Yeah. Or Blitz. When you think of a game like Blitz, when I do, I think that it gave me this feeling of feeling older and cooler than I was because I was playing something so gnarly and like I was controlling the violence a little bit.

So I think it gave it gave kids that like, oh, look at me. I'm I'm big and tough because I'm playing this crazy game. I don't know. It was interesting like that. Would you do a splits while you played it? I don't think I ever did them at the arcade although i can't say for sure that i never did them because i did them in very inopportune places skating rink for sure football practice interesting that you can do the splits but you don't like johnny cage the character most known

for doing the splits well when you uh when someone turns the mirror on themselves sometimes they don't like what they see right so narcissism of small differences sure i think johnny cage put the mirror and i was like that's what i look like all right he also doesn't like that he used uh the the the splits in like a very dishonorable way because he used the splits to punch you in the nards and sean would do that you don't do that he's i think we've we've established that sean was a very honorable child i think that's the big if you hit someone there they may not be able to continue the bloodline and that's the highest dishonor given. Right.

Yeah. You can rip their heart out. You can turn into a dragon and bite them in half. Absolutely. Do not punish the Nards. Do not punish the Nards. Well, you'll notice when Liu Kang bites them in half, balls are still swinging. Balls are fine.

The balls are fine. Those legs can still fuck if they wanted to. Sean, it's time to find out if your next pick fucks uh yeah it fucks my swords kick in like shinobi man shinobi is still one of my favorite games that that you can play it's and i've still never ever beat shinobi in the arcade every time i go back to sioux falls i try they there's a place 80s i don't know it's an arcade just outside of sioux falls and they have a shinobi like an old school shinobi console and my buddy joey and i go in every single time with like 20 bucks and we play until we can't stomach it anymore because when you play shinobi the arcade game it has five

five like five levels each have uh four levels in them you know what i mean so like there's the first level four and then when you get to the fifth one where the boss is you beat any of those levels you can't continue on the fifth level so if you lose there you have to start all the way over so we when we go play it we got about five of those in us before we're like well let's go's go. I'm cash. There was like a solid 60 seconds in there where I'm confident the word Shinobi was said more times than it had ever been said in a 60 second span. It started losing all meaning.

I don't even remember what I was saying. Shinobi, Shinobi, Shinobi, Shinobi, Shinobi. It starts to sound weird when you say it over and over again. Shinobi. Shinobi. Shinobi. I have a good... So when I was a kid we

lived in charleston courts apartment complex in sioux falls and there was a 7-eleven like just around the corner they had a shinobi machine and a teenager taught me how to beat the first bad guy ken o is his name and i remember i would sit and throw the bad guy i wish a teenager was named kenno bad guy was named kenno now i'd sit and throw stars at the shin it's like a giant uh ninja with metal like with armor ninja suit now throw stars at the shins and this kid came up and he's like it's not how you do it bud and he kind of like shooed me aside and beat him for me and then he's like here's your game back and i was just like whoa dude damn yeah it was like the first arcade game memory I have. And Marty McFly'd you.

Yeah. Yeah, I was so happy. It was like a big kid being cool, which I didn't know they could do yet. And that kid grew up to be Bill Clinton, former President Bill Clinton. That man was Exhibit. Wow. Wow. What would that sound like if Exhibit taught you how to beat Shinobi?

Oh, no. Step aside there, son. I'm going to get in and show you how. Shinobiobi oh no step aside there son i'm gonna get in yeah shinobi ninja dude hell yeah uh david time for your fourth pick my fourth pick is going to be because time cries oh actually i want to take a two-person fighter game now i didn't get in the mix in this game as much as i would like to but i I definitely played it a lot at the arcade. I'm going Marvel versus Capcom. Oh, yes, dude.

That shit was like, that was where all the action was. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty much Street Fighter. Yeah, but better. Like a better Street Fighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That machine was cracking. Yeah, there's a Jazz fusion soundtrack on that, too.

All those Capcom games love, like, fucking jazzy tunes. Like, the character select music in that is, like, so rad. Some dude going hammer on a piano somewhere. Yes, yeah. It's very glockenspiel heavy. I also love the fact that you can just mix up people who weren't supposed to be mixed up. Right.

Like, this is Mega Man and Magneto. What's happening? What do they have against each other? Why are they fighting? We'll find out real quick. Where's Spider-Man and Dhalsim? When would they... How did they even meet?

Why are they not supposed to know each other? They go to different schools. No, they dated the same girl. They dated even meet? They're not supposed to know each other. They go to different schools. No, they dated the same girl. They dated the same girl one time. Now they hate each other. It's a crime. Cammy or Cassie.

What was her name? The Street Fighter. Yeah, Cammy. Cammy. Yeah, man. Marvel versus Capcom. It's just like, that game was hyper competitive.

It was just like, because I think I'm a little, I learned how to play Street Fighter, but when I was going to arcades, it was more like that was the game that everybody was crowded around. Yeah. There's still a tournament scene around that game.

You can still... There are still ballrooms in Las Vegas rented out for people to stream that game. It's pretty wild. It's really held up. I feel like they... And it's one of those ones where I feel like they put 30 versions out of it too. Right. I think

two is kind of the definitive version that people like. There was a three that people like less, but I think it's still pretty fun. And then there was a Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite that people really hate, but I think it's pretty cool. The character designs are bad. like everybody's

face is pretty fucked up um yeah but the the core game is very fun they did the marvel capcom infant where they were all babies and they fought each other yeah people like that less people like that they didn't they didn't like all the poop yeah the poop poop was an issue the fact that they kept putting keys in their mouth that was weird they have soft hands they have soft little hands it doesn't do any damage soft spots on their heads too you can't hit the fontanelle that's the weak spot fireball right to the fontanelle cyphoid process a funnel wow we're getting some vocab in this one yeah uh jordan it's time for your fourth and then your final picks the fifth round is a lightning round but the fourth round is not okay

so my fourth pick this is I realize this is a little bit of a shitty pick but nobody's made it yet and I don't know if you guys will kick yourself when I make it but my fourth pick is going to be Neo Geo the multi game

system I don't know if this is legal all the knockoffs like samurai showdown and shit yeah so samurai showdown you gotta bust a move you got a metal slug most importantly i think the metal pop oh yeah bust a move was fun bust a move is fun uh yeah so i'm going neo geo you just got a great collection of games on there yeah um and yeah and again it's just a fucking bowling alley staple yeah all the yeah that's a solid that's a solid metal slug was fun yeah i remember that slug is fun as shit yeah a lot of good sequels to that game too yeah again just holds up it like it like perfected the contra formula like yes when you think about contra being

fun you're like yeah contra's fun but metal slug is the actual game like that's what you want you know when you think contra yeah metal slug fun as shit and yeah a lot of great little fighting games for that samurai showdown king of fighters uh yeah the king of fighters was that the one i know there was another game where a guy had a jaguar head uh oh so that's virtua fighter you're oh tekken has king who has the jaguar head yes and track pants and track yeah i know yeah the fucking tekken costumes are weird i think i i there there i know remembering a meme isn't super fun on a podcast but i'll bring this up they say that nicholas cage now dresses like a character from tekken that's when he like wears uh so true yeah when he wears like shorts and a fur coat out I'll bring this up. They say that Nicolas Cage now dresses like a character from Tekken. That's hilarious.

That's so true. Yeah, when he wears like shorts and a fur coat out. I loved Tekken. That was my fighter game. Yeah, Tekken's fun. Tekken was good. Even Eddie. I played it on console more.

Yeah. Yeah. Tekken was a good like in the basement game. Neo Geo. Great. And your final pick, Jordan. So when you say lightning light do i have to make another uh is there something different about the lightning round no you just say you pick and then

we say a couple things about it and then move on okay uh lightning round okay okay but uh this might be illegal but last round i'm gonna make it adam's family pinball oh okay let's fucking throw it in there yeah great noise is coming out of that thing uh thank you thing that's always fun to hear in an arcade uh don't you know don't love a pinball but adam's family pinball i think was like it classic i think that's like it's also a good pinball like setup there's a lot of shitty like some a lot of times it'll be too crowded or whatever right it's like you can play the games on that one yeah i can handle pit like if there's pinball and that's it someone's like you want to go play pinball like yeah all right but i'm not like dying to play pinball ever another shout out to ral julia though

oh yeah a lot of around sure gone too soon gone too soon gomez adams uh david time your final pick uh this is the only shooter game i had besides time crisis uh but we almost beat it one time uh carnival it was with the shotguns and you killed like all the it was like it was like a scary game you know what i mean and you had shotguns which was funner than regular guns for some reason we almost yeah i love that game yeah cocking it's fun as shit just there's the tactile sensation there that is undeniable yeah you could do the one-arm cock oh yeah yeah if you're a badass 12 year old sure terminator the terminator 2 cock eating a candy cigarette uh carnival definitely some juggalo aesthetics in

that i feel like that is the kind of evil circus some of them oh yeah like it's a dark carnival for sure joel schumacher Batman vibes in there. Yes, yeah, sure. Very Batman forever. Whoop Whoop family. Sean, your final pick. Altered Beast. I thought you guys were going to touch on it earlier

when you were saying the cheetah head. But yeah, Altered Beast. Again, I could never beat it. But it's such a fun game. Good memories for me. And nobody ever played it when I was a kid. I was like the only one that liked it. I love Alter P.

Yeah, I mean, I think of it more of a Genesis game. I think it was the pack-in Genesis game for a while. Was it really? Yeah. Whoa. Before Sonic. A great game for having an early game with speech, like the bad guy going,

welcome to your doom. It sounds so shitty now, but at the time, you're like,, like those, the bad guy going, welcome to your dome. It's like, it sounds so shitty now, but like at the time you're like, Oh my God, the game talked. My doom is here. Yeah.

My doom. Cool. I can't wait to die. I'm 10. I never played this game. Altered beast. Dude. It's fine.

Also, it's pretty fun. Uh, and then my final pick, I don't know if any of you guys know that sunset writers. Oh yeah. Oh, that's a good one awesome arcade game great console

game too but I definitely fucked with it in the arcades it was a cowboy game and you rode horses and parts of it it was kind of cartoony and fun like a platformer side scrolling I remember that on the console yeah yeah yeah

Sunset Riders I fucking loved that I remember that on the console. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Sunset Riders. I fucking loved that game. And that wraps us up. That's the final pick. To recap, Jordan, you went first. You took NBA Jam, Mortal Kombat, Area 51, Neo Geo, and Adam's Family Pinball. David, you went second.

You took The Simpsons, Cruisin' USA, Pop Skater, Marvel vs. Capcom, and Carnival. Sean, you went third. You took Street Fighter II, Double Dragon, 1942, Shinobi, and then Altered Beast. I went last, and I took Rampage, Ms. Pac-Man, Die Hard, NFL Blitz, and Sunset Riders. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yes, I'm picking Dance, Dance Revolution. Dance Revolution.

I was never good at it, but I wish I was. All the cool kids were good at it. Yeah, Dance Dance Revolution had a crowd around it. Yeah, it did. Watching someone who is like top, top tier DDR is so fucking impressive. It's so like, it's so fun to watch. It's crazy to see it in real life. Bobby Hill's good at it.

Bobby Hill is good. Oh, yeah. Dan Su. We love some good ones on the board. There's the ninja turtle arcade game oh yeah there's ninja turtle x-men there's kind of four players battle toads battle toads was so hard operation wolf you remember that with the uzi yeah golden tea golden tea shit golden axe i had yeah golden tea is such a man Golden Tee? Golden Tee. Shit. Golden Axe I had. Yeah. Golden Tee. Golden Tee is such a, man. Damn it.

That's a good one. Golden Tee was fun. I almost picked it, but I never played it that much. I had Tiger Woods by that point. Paperboy, of course, was fun. Paperboy was tight. Crazy Taxi. You know what game I liked?

Because it was stupid as fuck, but Revolution X, the Aerosmith. Where you shot CDs. Oh my God, I forgot about that. Yeah. It's funny thinking about Aerosmith as the band that instigates anarchy. There's such a safe ass dad rock band, but they're like, rise up.

It's like the corniest riff. I couldn't find the name of it, but do you remember that boxing game that it wasn't full on gloves? It was like half, but you put your hands in them, each of them, and then you wouldn't all the way punch, but you would move them left and right and back and forth and stuff. I couldn't remember. Oh, you remember here? There were ski poles?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah i used to fucking love that game i was trying to think of a game where you sat on a it was like a you would sit kind of like you were sitting low on a crotch rocket lean forward it was like laser blat was it called laser blaster uh master i don't know it was like a it was like a driving game where you could do like full loops and tunnels and you were driving at the you were driving forward but you could do loops and anyway it was really cool something like that i couldn't find the name otherwise i would have picked it yeah it was you were going straight and you were on the thing and you could like shoot lasers it was so sick yeah i remember something about that i just want to close the podcast by saying fuck dragon's lair that fucking impossible game to beat. Glad nobody picked Dragon's Lair.

I was prepared to tear somebody a new one when they picked Dragon's Lair. Fuck that game. No, I know better, man. I may have been born, but it wasn't yesterday. You know what I'm talking about? Those are our picks.

We want to hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. That's the email address there. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Sincerely, thank you so much for holding us down and letting us

do what we do. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. We've been dipping in there. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast