All Fantasy Everything - Athletes With Whom You'd Like to Spend a Friday Night (w/ Megan Gailey and Mike Mulloy)

Episode Date: June 1, 2017

After the game is the after party, after the party it's the hotel lobby. Who's in that lobby with you? Comedians Megan Gailey and Mike Mulloy join host Ian Karmel to draft athletes with whom you'd want to spend a Friday night. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that... Oh, God. It's too early in the morning for this. The podcast that... trained really hard. It's a fantasy! It's a fantasy. It's just, we're gonna just fucking... It's 10 a.m.

It's a fantasy draft podcast. We look at're going to just fucking... It's 10 a.m. It's a fantasy draft podcast. We look at the world and we draft certain things from that world. Today, I am joined by comedian Megan Gailey. Hello, boys. Oh, catchphrases. Hello, boys. Hello, boys. I like that.

Thank you. I like that for you just as a new thing that you do. I say it whether men or women are present. It's kind of like a Megan Gailey salute to the troops. Yes, thank you. Hello, boys. And then you have a quick little song and dance. I saw Marilyn Monroe impersonator last week, and I'm really trying to channel, not Marilyn Monroe, but this particular impersonator spoke to me.

So I've been incorporating a lot of her things into my life. Was it just a relentless pursuit of fabulousness in the face of crippling Las Vegas-ness? Oh, yes, it was at Las Vegas. The impersonators, it was like a four-person show. Elvis, Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, and Janis Joplin. What? What a weird fourth. You know Janis Joplin started that show. And it was like, yeah, we'll do impersonators. I You know Janis Joplin started that show.

And it was like, yeah, we'll do impersonators. I can be Janis Joplin. Yeah, and they made her go first. And it was like, weird. It was just an old Vegas lady. How many songs did she just, Bobby McGee? She sang like three, but they all, I don't know. It was, yeah.

Yeah, that's such a weird thing. And it was Mother's Day and she had a Mother's Day balloon tied to her wrist. So she was like... And it was like, Janice would not be happy. No, not at all. Elvis had acne, but I was fine with that. That's all right. How's the voice?

Good. Yeah. He sounded like baloney sandwich Elvis. Sure, sure, sure. So a better Elvis. There used to be a casino in Las Vegas that was just full

of impersonators I forget what it was called but it was like one of the shitty ones and you would go in there and Mike you can talk even though I haven't I was waiting

yeah you know I like to wait your turn also Mike Malloy is here hello everybody Mike Malloy yay the big dog's back

the big guy's back yeah it was all impersonators like you would go in and like the dealer the dealer would be, like, Buddy Holly or whatever. Whoa, working, too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they would leave their table and go up and, like, sing a couple songs and then go work another table. It was, I went there with Kyle Kinane. Kyle, if you're listening, what was that place and why did it exist?

What a commitment to a brand. Yeah, yeah, for real. It was quickly ushered out. It was kind of fun at the time, but also sad. Because when there's an impersonator, you can see that that maybe wasn't their first dream. And that this is sort of them, Sully style, landing their plane on a river. Yeah, they just realize like, oh, I look like someone. I kind of like singing. Yeah.

I guess if I just squint my face at all times, I'd look like Robert De Niro. So yeah, no, that'll be my shtick now. Was Frank Caliendo there? It was, in fact, everyone was Frank Caliendo. It was just one guy, and it was all Frank Caliendo. Megan Gailey, at Megan Gailey on Twitter. Yes.

With a G-A-I-L-E-Y. Mike Malloy, at Fake Mike Malloy. That's me. On With a G-A-I-L-E-Y. Mike Malloy, at Fake Mike Malloy. That's me. On Twitter. M-U-L-L-O-Y. M-U-L-L-O-Y, yes. Megan, most recent tweet, I wish I was Pippa's tricep. Yeah, man, her arms look good.

They do. Pippa Middleton. I looked at so many pictures of them this morning. I'm happy. She's hot. She's so hot. She's just straight up hot. She's very thin, but it's like when people are British and thin, I'm happy. She's hot. She's so hot. She's just straight up hot. She's very thin, but it's like when people are British and thin,

I'm like, that's fine. It feels like that's their default setting. Yeah. Let them be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's rich. She's British. Oh, I'm into it. I'm into it too. She just seems like she should be wearing like a high-waisted cotton pant at all times. Oh, absolutely. And like grabbing

for like a third world country child. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, absolutely. And like grabbing for like a third world country child. Yes, yes, yes. And then holding one being led through a sort of like a clean water project. Yes. I want to see those pictures all the time. I think so. We need it after this week. Give me some Pippa. It's been a crazy week.

Every week is fucked. The Celtics got the number one pick. It's wild. The news of the week. I know. I like that part. God, they got the number one pick, and then they played like a team.

We're getting this shit knocked out of us. I honestly, I wish we could just fucking forfeit. It would be nice. Who does this fucking serve? What is the point of going to a game three or four? Just like, you win. All right, we tap out. And you forget that you guys are the number one seed.

So both these games happened in Boston. Yeah. They were, I mean, they were never supposed to be a number one seed. Like, the Cavs are a much better team. They rested in the regular season because they could. Gabrielle Union going off on Twitter about it last night, too. What's she going off about? She was like, oh, is it bad to rest players now?

She had like LeBron's back You know because they're all friends Oh I thought you meant she was going At them for wrestling No no no Fucking Dwayne Wade Just sat out at least five games People were clowning her for that

And she's like my husband is 107 years old And still puts up 19 a game She's funny man I like Gabrielle Union And she's like, my husband is 107 years old and still puts up 19 a game. She's funny, man. I like Gabrielle Union. And she's like 12 years older than him, too. She is. Yeah, yeah. Robbing the cradle a little bit.

Yeah. Robbing the high fashion cradle. It's fitting that we're talking about sports, because today we are fantasy drafting athletes with whom the proper grammar. For the listeners. It's fancy. For the listeners. With whom you would like to spend a Friday night. It's all

right there. Athletes with whom you would like to spend a Friday night. What you want to do on that Friday night, it's up to our interpretations. It could just be a board game night. That could be what you want to do. That could be it. But we'll see. I guess we're going to learn a little bit about

ourselves as we do this draft. Now, to determine the draft order, Megan and Mike guess we're going to learn a little bit about ourselves as we do this draft. Now, to determine the draft order, Megan and Mike, you are going to play a game of rock, paper, scissors. Oh, my gosh. And you throw on shoot. Got it. And, yeah, it's one-on-one. And whoever wins determines the draft order. All right, here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors. Oh, Megan winner. All right, it was a false start. It is, again, 10 in the morning. Oh, boy. All right. We're going to do it again. Shoot.

On shoot. All right. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Mike Malloy wins anyway. All right. Mike Malloy. I will. We're going to do Ian first.

Oh, my God. Megan second. Me third. Whoa. Oh, then you get to pick the order. Oh, he wants the back to back. Ian first Megan second me third whoa oh then you get to pick the order he likes he wants the back to back

you know there's a rock paper scissors like competition and the champion just got crowned this week and they won like $50,000

what yeah I spend a lot of time on the internet does it cost money to enter it's in Asia dude oh yeah you gotta get to Asia so like it's like one of those things where you're like what and then you like a lot of time on the internet. Does it cost money to enter? It's in Asia, dude. Oh, yeah.

You gotta get to Asia. So, like, it's, like, one of those things where you're, like, what? And then you, like, see it and you're, like, okay. Yeah. Cool. Is there... They must think there's strategy to it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

For sure. I mean, there is. Is there? I'm sure there's some sort of statistic. I'm sure there's psychological and... Where it's, like, if somebody is thrown, like like three rocks in a row, all of a sudden you're like, you have to learn their tendencies and shit like that? Yeah.

Man, what a waste of brain power. Yeah. What a useful skill to have. That person could be due... Although I guess you could say the same thing about an NFL cornerback, but like whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm really good at crowd work.

Yeah. That's pretty terrible. But if there's a disaster, you know, before the president goes up to speak, you can keep the crowd warm. Sure. So even in a crisis. Yeah. I'm Trump's warm-up girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go up there and just make sure everybody's hats are on real tight. Oh, it is so early. Guys. Well, it's not early, but it's comedian early. Yeah. It's comedian early. On a Saturday, it's early. It's a little early.

Yeah. Thank you for agreeing to do it. I have to go do like an interview after this, which's early. It's a little early. Yeah. Thank you for agreeing to do it. I have to go do like an interview after this, which is why I'm doing it so early. Which is fun for the listeners to know. Oh, before we start, do you guys have anything to plug? I like to do them up top. Any dates coming up? This is going to come out this week.

I'm going to Australia. Why? For a standout. Really? And I don't know if anyone- I'm so jealous. If you have any Australian listeners. I think we do.

Yeah. But I'll be in Melbourne, Sydney, and then another place. That's right. Not Brisbane, another place. Tasmania. I don't know what it is. Perth. No, it was a name I hadn't heard of.

Yeah. So come if you live in Australia. Go see Megan Gailey in one of those three cities. Mike Malloy. What do I have going on? On Deck is tonight, but I'm guessing this won't be out in time for that. It won't. So go. What do I have going on? On Deck is tonight, but I'm guessing this won't be out in time for that. It won't. What do I have? I don't know.

Just follow me on the internet and I'll tell you where I am at any given time. I'll just update you when I'm at Wendy's. If you want to come fist fight, we can do that. And I'll be there too. I'm in a fighting mood lately. Ian was a very violent

boy Saturday. You heard about this? Is this the story they were telling? Yeah. In the green room. I wasn't violent, but I was prepared to be. You were going to ragdoll a 45 pound man over playing Barbie

girl on the jukebox. They went in so just real quick and then we'll get to the draft. So we were at the Roost. Yeah. As we do. And we had been having some drinks earlier in the night. And we go to the Roost. I love the Roost.

It's just a great bar. And we go in there, and some improv-slash-dodgeball team of a group of friends Yeah, they were terrible. had staked out the biggest table next to the jukebox and had in my opinion maybe they didn't but had loaded up the jukebox with the worst music it was it was like it was not even like ironic bad it was like we're doing this just to be fucking dicks just to be like look at us we're playing like yeah it was it was fucking it was like what they would do if there was a hostage crisis and they would blast shitty music to like flush out the captors. You know what I mean?

And so like we were in there and I was having such a great time and I was so excited to hang out at the bar. And we got there and I was just like, oh no. And it made my mood soured so quickly. And I was just mean mugging the guys. Ian was just staring at them for a good 20 minutes before before maybe five minutes and then it's still too long and then like like some guy who wasn't the guy who did it like walked by and he was like i'm gonna kick the shit out of you i don't know if i said that it was something like that you like, don't ever come back here. That's what I said. That is what it is.

That's what I said. And I had to get in between you. Which is the 1940s version of I'm going to kick the shit out of you. Don't ever come back here. I had to get in between. I was wearing just a wife beater and a Pippa Middleton-esque high-waisted pant. And I had to scold Ian like a child. And I deserved it.

And make him apologize. I hugged him. Yeah, I made him hug. I was just like, no, you idiots, stop this. I apologized and hugged him. I was completely in the wrong except for how much they were in the wrong. They incited you. But also

Ian was like, yeah, check out my Conan set on YouTube. He plugged. He threatened to beat this guy up and then he's like, hey, subscribe and like. Sweet and sour chicken over here. That's then he's like, hey, subscribe and like. A little sweet and sour chicken over here. That's all that's happening.

Yeah, so hopefully they never come back and we don't have to fucking listen to Barbie Girl. That was unbearable. And I had some jams queued up, too. I know. Malloy can work a jukebox like nobody else. You know bars can skip songs. Can they?

Yeah, they won't at this place. I tried to. And I was like, hey, can you change this? I used to skip songs yeah they won't I tried to and I was like hey can you change this I used to skip songs all the time and people would get furious with me and I'm like I don't care go to another bar with the first pick of the athletes you like to spend a Friday night

with all fantasy everything Ian Carmel I just feel like I have to come right out with probably the greatest to do it ever. I'm taking Andre the Giant. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Andre the Giant. I may have been a sleeper. You know what? I almost went with somebody else, and it was a last-second decision. I went with my heart instead. Andre the Giant, famous partier. It would just be fun to watch him drink. So this would be a crazy night out with Andre the Giant, famous partier. It would just be fun to watch him drink. So this would be a crazy night out with Andre the Giant.

We would start around 5 p.m. at some French restaurant where I would just watch him eat three entire game hens and drink four bottles of wine. And I would have my own bottle of wine and a smaller game hen and try to keep up. And then it would just be fun to go out with... Because anywhere Andre the Giant's going to show up, it's going to be the center of attention. Yes.

People are going to want to go hang out with Andre the Giant. You're going to collect an interesting entourage throughout the night. Any cool parties, you're going to end up getting invited. And Andre the Giant's like, come in, come with. And they're not going to tell him, though. You're going to feel secure. Exactly. I'm going to be his little Inigo Montoya.

That's all I want to do. And he's also got ties to the hollywood world he's he's gonna get us taken care of oh yeah i think of him uh more as like a celebrity than an athlete yeah yeah but definitely an athlete yes i mean athletic entertainment whatever we want to consider wrestling he uh he regularly shit his pants during matches. Did he really? A couple times. As a strategy? No, just like, just being too big. Oh, being too big.

Not like nerves or? No, just shitting his pants because his body didn't work right. And he was usually pretty drunk on wine. I mean, the message, it would take for so long for the message. That's a big shit. That is a big shit too. Is that why he wore that sort of like, diaper-y outfit?

Yeah, and it's the only thing that would like, cover his body. Now, if you were. Like, he's just got a weirdly built body. If you were out with him,

and he shit his pants, are you gonna like, help him? Ah, no. If he shits his pants while we're out? Yeah. I mean,

I'm not gonna wipe his butt, but I will create a diversion. Okay. I will use my crowd work skills. Yeah skills to just sort of like, guys, and then Andre will sneak out. He'll come out with a fresh leotard on. But he has like legendary drinking stories that I would just like to be a part of. Like this is from Ric Flair. I was with Andre the Giant one night at the Downtowner in Charlotte in 1975.

He drank 106 beers. What? Yeah, that's going to make you shit your pants. Yeah. That's why, yeah. I've been on a plane with him, on a 747 with him going to Tokyo out of Chicago, and we drank every bottle of vodka on the plane. Wow.

Andre the Giant once drank six bottles of wine before a wrestling match. He drank 12 bottles of wine on a bus ride in Japan. It's crazy. That's crazy. He drank 12 bottles of wine on a bus ride in Japan. It's crazy. That's crazy. He could just really put away. I would just want to be a part of it. Plus, he's such a gregarious, nice guy. You hear nothing but good things about him.

No, he's fun. Yeah. I like your pick. He would have fun stories. He's a Frenchman. I'm a Frenchman. It would be fun to be Frenchmen together. Are you a Frenchman?

I'm part French. Wow. I'm a French Jew. Interesting. Yeah. Sort of a classman? I'm part French. Wow. I'm a French Jew. Interesting. Yeah. Sort of a classier Jew than you're used to. Yeah, I'm used to Indiana Jews. Other Jews don't even claim them.

They're like, no, no, no. We're not like these Polish Jews. Yeah, so Andre the Giant. Plus, he was friends with Will Chamberlain. Billy Crystal. I'm sorry to mention Will Chamberlain. And Billy Crystal. Yeah. Oh, wait. No, that was a different guy. You're thinking of George Me Crystal. Sorry to mention Will Chamberlain. And Billy Crystal. Yeah.

Oh, wait. No, that was a different guy. You're thinking of George Mears. No, that's George Mears. From My Giant. I bet Andre the Giant was friends with Billy Crystal, too. But he's also friends with the dinosaur from Toy Story. Wait, what?

The guy from... What's the movie? What? The guy who's... He's also the teacher in Clueless. You know the guy. Oh, I love that man. Yeah.

And he's also the voice of the dinosaur in Toy Story. But he's in... He's in... Oh, oh. Is he? He's like the guy from My Dinner with Andre. He's in Spaceballs? Yeah, what's...

No, what's the name of the guy that's... What's the name of the movie that Andre the Giant's in? Why can't I think of it? The Princess Bride? Princess Bride. Yeah, that guy. That's what I'm thinking of the movie that andre the giant's in why can't i think of it the princess bride princess bride yeah that's what i'm thinking you're thinking of wallace sean yeah the guy who's like never get into a land yeah yeah he's also my dinner with andre it says but even though andre the giant isn't in that movie he's in a famous piece of indie cinema called my dinner with andre and one more andre the giant fact which is fun and I'd like to talk to him about while we're getting lit on a Friday night.

Samuel Beckett used to drive him to school. Yeah. Yeah. Samuel Beckett, the playwright, the author, was like one of the, lived in this town in France that Andre the Giant was from. And he was one of the only people with a car. And he would just drive Andre the Giant to school. Wow. Yeah.

I wonder how big he was during school. He was a big boy. Probably just gigantic. Anyway, that's my first pick. Okay. Andre the Giant. That's a pretty good one. Also, it would be so nice to feel small for me for once. Yeah. Just to go just to sort of like, you know, you know when you

get cuddly with your friends at the end of a night and just like, just to be able to look right into the crook of Andre the Giant and just for me to feel small for once. It's wonderful to feel small. I never feel small. It's happened once when I worked with Shaq, and it was great.

I loved it. Your boy doesn't get that experience very often. I think that seems like the real reason we picked him. I just want to feel tiny. I just want to be in his armpit. I'm just going to pick seven-footers all night. All right. Andre the Giant, the first pick.

Megan Gailey, it is time for your first pick. Last time I did this podcast, I definitely was playing to win. This time I'm playing for myself. Yes. And everybody can, it's going to be my own personal all heart is what I'm picking. I'm taking this person first because I feel like other people might. And so I want to get him on my team before we proceed. I am picking Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley. Amazing pick. He knows everybody. Yeah. Like he's friends with like old rich white dudes. Yeah. And then also like every NBA player loves him. Yeah. He's still relevant.

He's on TV. I also like that he's not currently playing so he can eat and drink whatever he wants. Amazing point. I don't want someone like in season eating a bunch of grilled chicken breast. I know, right? You're like, well, do you want to go out? I can have one. Yeah. One.

I can have one grape. This month. Yeah. And I don't, I want to see Charles throw down like a T-bone. Oh, you know he does. Oh, yeah. He probably eats two or three throw down like a T-bone. Oh, and you know he does. Oh, yeah. He probably eats two or three steaks in a night.

Yeah. Yeah. We could go golfing. You could have a whole night. You could have six different stops with a Charles Barkley. And you probably would. I think he has

probably refined taste in his later years. Also a notorious partier. He is. You know, hookers, throwing dudes through windows. I love it all. He's a...

Spitting on people. Yeah. I love the whole thing. He would be... Charles Barkley would have fought that guy that night at the Roost. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just... I'm still amazed that, like, after that show he aired last week that, like, people are still racist.

Like, I figured we're gonna start a conversation it's been a week and a half like how is racism still here I think people still a lot of people still have it on their DVRs because you know what I think the person that hasn't figured out racism is bad just needs to hear

it from Charles Barkley like that's the only thing keeping us from getting any better is not enough people have watched but racists like Charles Barkley. Like, that's the only thing keeping us from getting any better is not enough people have watched that. But racists like Charles Barkley. That's like, it's also like how racists love SEC football and you're like, hello, do you see who is doing this for you?

The blackest dudes with like the thickest braids die with Kool-Aid and shit. And then they're like, I love him. Like literally dying there, you know. Yeah. Yeah, and then they're like,

I love those guys. Yeah. Alabama. Wouldn't trust him. Wouldn't trust then they're like, I love those guys. Yeah. Alabama. Wouldn't trust them. Wouldn't trust them with my daughter. God. Love how fast. How do people square those two things?

Because they're. Because the numbers on the helmet are white? Like what is that? Yeah. Their brains are dumb. Yeah. I guess we're trying to find logic in the brain of a racist. I don't even understand how like some of those moms like let their sons go play for someone

named Dabo. Yeah. I go play for someone named Dabo. Yeah. I know. Dabo. Dabo. Fuck Dabo Sweeney. I'd be like, no, dude. You can't go play for Dabo.

Fuck Dabo Sweeney right into the dirt. No, you can't go. Fuck him. Yeah. Dabo has definitely done the racist look around thing once a week where he's like, I'm not a racist. And then he looks over both shoulders. Checks under the furniture.

Checks under and then says something horrible. I know my whole life is supported by black people, but... He's such a schmuck. Get Dabo alone. I know I wouldn't have a career if I didn't have these young black boys to run into each other. For free.

Yeah, for nothing. Dabo should just have 60 Cooper Mannings on his team. That should be the entire team. A bunch of broken bones. Yeah, a bunch of weak-boned, feckless white guys. So that's my pick, Charles Barkley. Charles Barkley famously, too, when he was in Barcelona with a dream team,

I think saw the way it was playing out, like we're going to beat everybody by 60. And he just got hammered every night in Barcelona. Yeah, of course. And people just thought, got hammered every night in Barcelona. Yeah, of course. And people just thought, they're like, that's Charles Barkley.

So like a group would congregate with him and just follow him from like Papath Bar to Papath Bar. Until like four in the morning and people would just like follow, like he was the Pied Piper of getting drunk in Barcelona. Good for him. Right?

I also, this is a little selfish. I feel like he would like me. I think he'd be like, damn, girl. I think he would like what I'm bringing to the table. I think he would. I think about this all, like when I draft like actual fantasy teams, I do think about picking players who have not hit women

and who would want to have sex with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that does sort of weigh on me. Who's somebody, so who's somebody who you don't think, who's somebody you would pass up in a draft because you don't think they would sleep with you? Most of the quarterbacks. I don't think I'm hot enough for QB1.

I don't think Luck would be into me. Megan's on the banging tight end scale in Hollywood. Oh, give me a cornerback? Give me like a, ooh, I think Vontae Davis would be into me. You could get a Vontae Davis, absolutely. You could get a running back, especially now that it's become such a...

Now that their shelf life is so short. To positions that have a black prevalence. Yeah, you could get like a kick returner. No, no. Or you could get one out of every five coaches. Yeah. No, no, I'm just kidding i'm just referring to name other black people though uh that's an interesting take i've always envied people women and uh and gay men who can appreciate sports in a deeper way than me it can be like i can watch damian lillard and be like what an amazing basketball player yeah but

there's no part of me that's like, and I'd love to blow him. But for other people, they're like, and I'd love to blow him. I always have at least one WNBA crush running at all times. I have female golfers. It was Elena Della Dawn, but I don't think she's going to give up that lesbian thing. I think she is sticking to that. I think that is a... But you're still allowed to have a crush on her yeah i know but i think it crushes on lots of lesbians i think i think uh casey plum is my new one although kelsey plum is that her

kelsey plum i think she's hot i think she's talking shit about markel fultz yeah fun shit i like it uh yeah that's a good one we have very similar taste in wmba basketball players i like how we're saying all their names, too. Like, we know we're not going to draft any of that. Like, we know we're going to. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to draft them. I actually had Deladon on my list.

But anyway, Charles Barkley. Oh, my favorite Charles Barkley story, which is one we did on the pilot, is when he got busted with that for the DUI in Arizona. So Charles Barkley was hanging out with Jaleel White and Michael Strahan in a club in Phoenix, Arizona. And he got a text from this girl who he had gotten oral sex from a week prior.

And even though old Chuck was into his cups a little bit, he was like, oh, I gotta go hit up this girl again. So he goes to pick her up. He picks her up and a cop had been tailing him. He picks this girl up. He picks her up. And a cop had been tailing him. He picks this girl up. They pull him over.

And so the cop picks him up for a DUI. And they bring him back to the police station. And at the police station, he's like, she was hot though, right? Admit she was hot. And he's like, if you get me out of this, I'll tattoo my name on your ass. Or wait, no, your name on my ass. Like to the cops and everything. I was just having a great time with everyone. It's fine.

Because he knew he's Charles Barkley. He's like, what, is this 10 grand to me? Even if it's Phoenix, so it's $45. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, it's fine. I'd rather just have fun. Everybody in Phoenix has a DUI. Yeah. Like, I remember the last time I was there, it was a shitty, shitty crowd, and I was just like, oh, I wonder why comedy is so hard in this town. Maybe it's because you all have to

blow into your cars after this. They didn't like that. Well, what else was there to do? People ride around on fucking golf carts in the streets there because they have so many DUIs. A Colts player got arrested for like assaulting his golf cart driver. And someone was like, see the Colts. And I was like, I do not care about that. Like that is

that's like telling me that a Colts player like had to flush his fish down the toilet. Like I do not care. I'm with you. We've talked about this before but if an athlete

beats up a dude Male on male crime I don't care at all. Can't be bothered with right now. When Blake Griffin beat up that Matthias Testy guy I don't know I was like fine.

Fine. Fine. He probably did something. Probably talking shit. Yeah. Got a little too too cozy don't talk shit to a six foot eight super athlete yeah men fighting men i'm like great right maybe that matthias guy put a bunch of aqua songs on a jukebox yeah maybe that reason reason to throw down a bunch of aqua songs is probably a stretch that is because i think there's there's... There's maybe four total. Yeah. In the heat of the night, Barbie girl,

Mr. Jones. I really liked Aqua as a kid. I can't believe it. Not as an adult, I was going to say. No. Mike Malloy, it is time for your first pick.

It's me. The final pick of the first round. Who... Oh, shit. I had a different one and then I'm going to switch. Oh, wait. No, I'm going to go with this one. All right. So I need somebody to protect me. Yes. I had a different one, and then I'm going to switch. Oh, wait. No, I'm going to go with this one.

All right. So I need somebody to protect me. Yes. I need a protector. I need somebody who likes to drink and have a good time. Yes. Charles Oakley. Oh.

Oak. Wow. So we're walking into the casino with, I'm on Charles Oakley's shoulder. Yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm being carried in. Like Prince in the club. And we're just going ham. We're going nuts. He's telling me how great I

am because that's what he does. He builds people up. He does build people up. That's why Michael Jordan hangs out with him is because he's he tells him how good he is. You're not evil. He's like, no, you're great at golf. You're good at gambling. Yeah, it's normal to have red eyes 24 yeah no those those dungarees they fit great yeah oh my god they fit so well what was

that tweet you tweeted about michael uh uh oh yeah i got some real big pants oh the uh no we talking jeans yeah it's uh me and me let me and uh tyler i am had a nice chain going of uh it was us just making up lyrics to What a Time to Be Alive. The big ring song by Drake and Future. Yeah. What a Time to Be Alive. Was it that or rings?

I forget what, I think What a Time. No, it was rings. Oh, rings. Okay, yeah. Yeah. We got some really big jeans. And it was like pictures of Michael Jordan. It's fun to describe a tweet on a podcast.

You have big jeans. Yeah. Now, has Charles Oakley's recent burst back into the spotlight helped his cause? I mean, he was always in my mind. Okay. I've always been a big fan. But yeah, him nearly slapping James Dolan certainly won me points. And then unanimously, everyone was on his side. Everyone immediately had O's back. I think

every, like, I'm sure Dolan's, like, family was like, yeah, you suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're awful. You're ruining our favorite team. What a shitty owner. What a shitty person. Have you seen the video of him making Nick's players quote-unquote play in his band?

Oh, Mello's got, like, a triangle. Oh, my God. Oh, I think I have seen that. It was when band. No. Mellow's got like a triangle. Oh my God. It is so... Oh, I think I have seen that. It was when J.R. Smith was still there too. It is so bizarre. It's like Get Out in a weird... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can't you all just kill him? Can you just say no? It's like, no, you pay me to play basketball. And it was at MSG. Jesus Christ. There was a concert and like Dolan's band like played. Yeah. And he made the Knicks players come up and like play as part of it. JD and the Straight Shot.

I went to go see when I, yeah, that's the name of his band, JD and the Straight Shot. And he hires these amazing like blues musicians. Yeah. Because of course they're like, yeah, I'll go do it for 10 grand or whatever. I went, when I worked for Chelsea Handler, she bought like a table, like the Eagles were doing like six nights at the Forum or whatever. She bought like a chair, a table for like charity. I think you meant the Philadelphia Eagles.

I was like, oh my God. What was Nick going to do? They were doing a stage reading of the script for Invincible. The Eagles, the band, the Eagles. I hate the Eagles so much. You hate the Eagles? I don't. Despise them. I don't. And I hate Don Eagles so much. You hate The Eagles? I don't. Despise them.

I don't. And I hate Don McLean. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I hate all the people. I hope he fucking drops dead. Well, he will. He will.

Soon. Like, sooner. You hope it happens while we're recording. Yeah. You get like a push. I hope I get a CNN notification, Don Henley's dead. Wait, isn't Don Henley dead? Wait, who's the one who died?

Glenn Frey. Roger Ailes. Yeah. Who? Roger Ailes. Wait, who's the one who died? Glenn Frey. Roger Ailes. Yeah. Who? Roger Ailes. Roger Ailes. That's who died. I'm so glad he's dead.

I bet he loved the Eagles. Oh, he probably did. He's a big dead bitch now. That's another thing he and I have in common. I don't love the Eagles, but they got some cuts. So they bought a charity table, and a bunch of the writers from the show went. And so we're sitting there and we knew the eagles were gonna play and then the opener went up and it was joan baez who's amazing and

she's saying like diamonds and rust and like a couple other songs standard amazing we were like wow what a show time for the eagles no it wasn't jd in the straight shot because james dolan owns the forum do here in la he went up and played longer than joan baez and the Straight Shot because James Dolan owns the forum do here in LA he went up and played longer than Joan Baez and the Eagles combined standing up there

with his fucking hands in his pockets singing these awful original songs original? original god played for like an hour

and then the Eagles went up and did like six songs and bailed no and it was just like the hubris of making Joan Baez open for you. Like he's the feature act.

That's who he is. So yeah, Charles Oakley, hating him. I say we just pool our money together and buy a team and like be awesome. Great, yeah. So the $60,000, the three of us maybe have between us. So yeah, we just pool it together and buy a team because we'll be cool owners and we'll have- Oh, I want to be like naked in the locker room. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because we'll be cool owners. And we'll have. Oh, I've always.

I want to be like naked in the locker room. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I want to be the woman from Major League. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like nice. The nice version of it. The nice version.

A sustainable. Like a Cameron Diaz from Any Given Sunday combined with Major League lady. But then like fun and cool. Yeah. Cameron Diaz from Any Given Sunday is cool. Yeah, because she's just like looking. Like grabbing dicks. Yeah.

Yeah. Just grabbing them. So is Ann-Marggaret Ann-Margaret's so great in that movie She is doesn't she? Shout out to Ann-Margaret Is she dead? No she's alive and kicking Sometimes like elderly black men will tell me I remind them of her And it means the world to me

That's a really nice compliment I get Jack Black Girl it happened for the second time On Tinder means the world to me. That's a really nice compliment. Yeah. Thank you. I get Jack Black for just the look. A girl, it happened for the second time on Tinder. A girl told me I look like Jack Black.

I'm like, what am I supposed to do with that? Because I know I'm fatter than him, so I know I look like a fat Jack Black. Also, that's how she flirts? Right.

Yeah, you look like Jack Black. Bye, bitch. Yeah. Okay, see ya. Sorry for saying bitch, Mom. Sue Carmela listens to this. But I'm on your boys on Tinder, and it's not going well.

People are telling me I look like a fat entertainer. Who's already pretty chubby. Who's already pretty chubby. Exactly. Yeah, Oak is fun, man. He's great. You're going to get right to the front of the bar with Oak. Oh, yeah.

Not even by people who know who he is. Just people who are terrified of his existence. Is he fun? I don't know. I'll find out. I bet he's mean. I bet he could roast battle people. Probably could.

The jokes wouldn't be that good, but the eye contact. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's the best. I just need him around to solve problems. He's my cooler. Oh, yeah. You're him around to like to solve problems he's my cooler he

he oh yeah you're not gonna have to pay for anything I bet he hasn't bought a meal and like he doesn't have to pay for anything in like New York City he's probably got

Michael Jordan's black card like he he just has that you can go to Michael Jordan's steakhouse order anything you want off the kids menu just go wild that's what I'd do

it'd be great so yeah that's my I got do. It'd be great. So yeah, that's my, I got back to back because it's a serpentine. You do a back to back. It's a serpentine style draft. I think Charles Oakley's a good pick. It's serpentine is what's going on. It is. It's like a snake.

When you started to say Charles, I was like, did he not hear who I just picked? Yeah, no, I just completely disregarded everyone. That would be pretty, so actually I'm going to take. Real quick, wait, before you do, real quick Charles Oakley story, Just because I want to color it in for the listeners who are sports fans. Sure. After Sixers forward Tyrone Hill failed to pay a gambling debt of $54,000, then Raptor Charles Oakley waded into the 76ers shoot-around in Toronto and pegged a basketball at Hill, nailing him right in the head.

Later, when asked about the debt and whether it ever got paid, Oakley wouldn't say, except that the fee had been doubled. as oakley told the cbc everything in life is double if he didn't pay me 108 000 he didn't pay me oak dude wow scary but i feel like you could hang in there because you've gotten in your share of scrapes too all right Sorry to interrupt. And I know how to keep the beasts. You do, as we evidenced the other night. I know how to channel their energy and put it towards better things. Your voice is like a soothing lute that makes the dragon go back to sleep.

Exactly. Yeah. So for the first pick of the second round, I am going to take another pro wrestler, another entertainer of sorts, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Future president. Future. I know a lot of people are saying that.

At this point, I'm fine with it. Because a couple months ago, I told people that, and they're like, no. That's not gonna happen. I was like, no. I know for a fact he's looking into it, because I know the guy who wrote his book with him. Yeah. And I was like, they had a second one. It's being postponed until he figures out if he wants to run for president.

He's a Democrat, I'm assuming? He's a little. I think he's like a. Yeah. Here's a fairly progressive. He's a pro-choice Republican. He might be that, which at this point, I'll take. Yeah.

Whatever. Honestly, I'd take fucking Oakley as president right now. Anything is an improvement. But here's what we're doing. Friday, we're getting out of work early. We're maybe calling it a day on a Monday afternoon. You know, 1 o'clock on the Friday afternoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're hitting the Versace store. We're getting a pair of matching shirts. Matching Versace shirts. And then we're heading out on the seas. We're getting some jet skis. You're jet skiing in Versace shirts? Oh, we're jet skiing in Versace shirts. We're hitting the Pacific Ocean hard.

It's 3 p.m. It's 3 p.m. You're just out there. The shirts at this point are sticking to your chest because they're wet. But that's a cool look because it's 3 p.m. It's 3 p.m. You're just out there. The shirts at this point are like sticking to your chest. Oh, yeah. Because they're wet. But that's a cool look because it's Versace. Yeah.

It looks fantastic. Pants-wise, what are you doing? Is it a Versace short? I'm thinking like a... Loafers with no socks? I'm thinking like a cotton short. Cotton short. Oh, I was thinking like an Italian cut bathing bottom.

Ooh, that high cut. Not a speedo. Yeah. Yeah, that high cut with the shirt? Maybe. I like that look. I'm getting into shorter shorts Yeah. Yeah, that high cut with the shirt. Maybe. I like that look. I'm getting into shorter shorts lately. Oh, yeah.

That's my summer. The hems are raising for the gents. It's got to be above the knee for me. I know these shorts are like right at the knee, but yeah, this summer, that's it for me. Yeah. I've gotten, I show my knees now and I used to not, and I wore a dress when I did Conan that showed my knees, and the internet was very mean to me.

What were they mean about? People were mean about my knees. They were like, gross knees. A guy commented, dem knees, doe. That could be good though. Maybe he likes your knees. I have knock knees. It's just like when everything else is perfect,

you got to find something and I got bad knees. That's a good point. People are just pointing out the frame on the Mona Lisa. That's all it is. And I take it. I go, listen, it can't all be good. If it was, I couldn't do knees. That's a good point. People are just pointing out the frame on the Mona Lisa. That's all it is. Exactly. And I take it. I go, listen, it can't all be good. If it was, I couldn't do comedy. That's true. People would be so mad at you. My knees keep me humble. Are you going to bring up

Ballers? I haven't watched. You haven't watched Ballers? I haven't watched the second season. That's him, right? I'm like, am I kidding? Let me say this very clearly into the microphone. Ballers is good me say this very clearly into the microphone. Ballers is good. And so is Entourage.

No, you're lying. Entourage is not good. I love both of them. I will vehemently argue that point. Entourage is so terrible. The Rock is great, though. The Rock is great. So we're pulling into the bay on our jet skis. And we're grabbing some margaritas.

We're hanging out. We're hanging out at a beachside bar, just having a good time. Blended or on the rocks? On the rocks. Two sport athlete, too. Oh, yeah? Football as well? Yeah.

I'm still a big University of Miami football fan. Yeah. Trash heap. Boston and Miami? Well, I'm from Boston and all my cousins loved BC and I hate Boston College with such a fury.

Even Flutie? I despise every one of them. I hate them so much. And like when I was little, Miami was the team that beat the shit out of them the most. So I was like, I like Miami. So like I loved Miami

and like knew who dwayne johnson was yeah and then like when he became a pro wrestler i was like oh dope i remember that guy you were on board from jump street oh from the get-go actually not from not because the first version of dwayne johnson or the rocky maivia was very was very no good it was not good but then when he became The Rock, he was the best. Unsubstantiated rumor, but I heard when The Rock has sex with fans or anything like that, all anal. No.

Strictly anal. That's what I heard. I heard that. I've never heard such a thing. I heard that. I heard that that's because he's afraid that he doesn't want to get anyone pregnant, so that's the only way he'll do it. That's a fair point. That's just what I heard. No, it's not. It might not be true. he doesn't want to get anyone pregnant, so that's the only way he'll do it. That's a fair point.

That's just what I heard. No, it's not. It might not be true. He doesn't want to get anybody pregnant, but he has a baby now, doesn't he? I know, but no woman is coming from anal, so what we're saying is basically The Rock doesn't care about women coming.

I don't know. That might be true. Maybe you're just not doing it right. I'm not doing it at all. Let this... Mrs. Carmel, I am not doing it ever. Me neither. Me neither. Me neither. No, I used to be like,

you know what, maybe someday with my husband. And then it's like, my husband will love me and know that I don't want to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wouldn't force you into that. No. Yeah. But The Rock does what The Rock wants. Dwayne, The Rock in your butt, Johnson. 10 a.m.am yeah it's a good pick though

whether or not that's true I just wanted to put that in the air that part I'm not really concerned about no slurs I don't stand behind that rumor it's just what I heard I love unsubstantiated rumors sometimes I start rumors and spread them and then forget that i started it

and then see if it comes back to you and then i'm like oh i heard so and so and people are like i heard that too and then i'm like oh shit i'm like made that up like that yeah like that's what we did about this uh the time sean freaked out at us for thinking about dinner like that i just made up that he threatened to beat us all up until it just spiraled out of control. Until people were saying that Sean Jordan, who was threatening to beat the other writers up on our show, he kept asking about dinner. And it came back to me, and I was like,

Sean did that? Like, later that night. Sean threatened to throw me out a window if we asked about dinner. Yeah, Charles Barkley style. Speaking of which, the person who has Charles Barkley on their team. I'm up.

Megan Gailey, it's time for your second pick. Okay. I mean, I would be such a bad feminist if I didn't get a woman on here. Sure. Lickety split. There's lots you could pick from. I definitely have some deep cut tennis players that I'm like, they'd be fun. But I think the overall queen, I think the greatest

living athlete right now, Serena Williams. Oh, yeah. Friends with Beyonce. True. And I know she's pregnant right now, so it's like she can't really booze it up. Sure, but we can rewind this. I mean,

her tennis stories alone, I'm riveted by. I think she is so beautiful. Her clothes are incredible. Like, she is just the epitome of like badass bitch. She is the greatest living athlete. Yeah. Anyone who's been like, I mean, I can't imagine who else is even close to that title.

Yeah. She's the fucking dopest. Is she the one who crip walked too? Or was that Venus? I mean, it feels more Serena. Yeah. She's the fucking dopest. Is she the one who crip walked too? Or was that Venus? I mean, it feels more Serena. Yeah. Yeah, it was Serena Williams.

Yeah. Yeah, so she knows how to crip walk. Remember when she did that? It was at like the, it was at whatever the grass one is. Wimbledon.

Wimbledon, Wimbledon. Which is like the fanciest one, the whitest, fanciest one. Yeah, so she fucking crip walked after, it was just so cool. A lot of monocles were one. Yeah, so she fucking crip walked after. That was just so cool. A lot of monocles were shattered.

Yeah, dropped right into strawberries and cream or whatever they eat over there. Every male athlete is in love with her, too. Yeah. Rightfully so. Yeah. Yes. She is just- And she married a goddamn internet nerd. She did, right?

One of the Snapchat guys or something? Yeah. No, Reddit. Reddit. That's better. Snapchat's like hemorrhaging money. Yeah, right? Yeah.

And that's our economic report. Snapchat, get out of Snapchat. If you're invested in Snapchat, if you even can be. Yeah. They've already ruined the city of Venice. Yeah. Oh, they really have. Oh, they're fucking good, by the way.

They're crashing. Not that they ruined Venice. I. Oh, they really have all the fucking good, by the way. They're crashing. Not that they ruined Venice. I've been here three years. What the fuck do I care? But yeah, Serena Williams, great pick. The friends with Beyonce thing.

Yeah. Friends with Drake. Drake, by the way, Drake, he has a lyric where that's why I can beat Serena when I'm playing with my left, when she's playing with her left.

No, you can't, Drake. No. No. No, no, no. Not, like, I've seen you shoot layups. Yeah. Like, no.

Drake is an embarrassment. He's a dork. He's such a dork. Don't pretend, like, just be good at rap. You don't have to be good at sports. Nobody's asking this of you. Keep being okay at rap. Yeah.

Yeah. Keep stealing other people's shit. He does a little bit. Keep pretending to be from somewhere else every two years. I like Drake, but yeah, yeah. Because if he hears this,

I want to make sure that we're still invited to those Calabasas parties. Eh, you know, I haven't been extended an invite yet and I don't see that changing. You'll get on the-

Calabasas is a ways away. That's a long Uber. That's like an $80 Uber. Yeah. I don't know. Who, yeah, so her husband, the Reddit guy, that's who's father of the child too?

I imagine. I wonder if that kid will be a good athlete because he's at least half Serena Williams. I think so. I mean, like when a family is like Venus is an incredible athlete as well. It's like I think the Williams DNA can overcome his dork DNA. I think it will too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kid, I hope the kid looks just like Serena.

Yeah, and she's pretty tall, too. I think she's six foot, 5'10". Yeah. Yeah, she's just the cool, like, all her outfits are so cool. Her celebrity hookup is crazy. Unparalleled. Yeah. It might be the, I mean, other than, like, well, I don't want to say the other athletes. There's some NBA

players who probably have equal celebrity hookup lists, but I don't think anyone's got better. She took a break from the U.S. Open to go to Beyonce's 35th birthday party. So in the middle of the U.S. Open, she went and partied with Beyonce and then went back. She's like

twerking in Beyonce's lemonade. And she can dance. She looked great. You don't think... She looked good. No, no, no. She looked very good. I remember the twerk. I don't think I was particularly impressed by it. It was slow and sultry.

Her booty is... It's incredible. Her body is incredible. It's an insane body. She could probably dunk if she wanted to. Yeah. And then, like, just even seeing her and Venus next to each other, they're, like, truly, like, different species. Yeah.

But, like, both equally. And I would want Venus to come. Yeah. I know I picked Serena, but if we could FaceTime Venus. I feel like nobody's picking Venus. Venus is coming along. Yeah. Yeah.

Every now and then Venus used to have those fun braids with the beads with the beads in them like a little yachty and Venus definitely was like the

you know she paved the way so it would be a little bit easier for Serena she was a bit of a Charles Oakley

just clearing the path yeah I would not want the dad the dad's dead but I would not want him to come what a nutcase

Richard? the original LeVar Ball he is so crazy I tweeted just a quick LeVar LeVar Ball is the father of an NBA draft prospect who like started his own sneaker label

which is stupid and it's $500 and they look exactly like Kobe's, but they cost twice as much. Right, for the shittier shoe. He runs his mouth all the time. He talks shit about LeBron. He just talks shit about Kyrie Irving. Yeah.

About his mom. Maybe his mom wasn't in his life enough and his mom died when he was really young. His mom passed. His mom passed when Kyrie was in middle school or something. He's a piece of shit. So I came out and I tweeted literally, I think I'm quietly stepping off the LeVar Ball's actually okay train. Yeah.

And so many people came out of the woodwork to be like, fuck you, I like him more than ever. Because that- It's like, well, then you're an idiot. Yeah, like fuck you. I mean, people are bad. People are bad. But I was like, oh, so,

and people were doing that because LeVar Ball like what did he basically stone stonewalled like a white lady who was like

trying to interview him which I didn't even hear the things but there were certain things that I said that I heard that I was like ugh

like no matter what the context was no matter what it's just like that's not you know like cause I like I heard like

oh she did some she talked shit about some white lady stuff that you guys get away with from time to time Like, that's not, you know. Like, because I heard, like, oh, she did some. She talked shit about. Some white lady stuff that you guys get away with from time to time. You keep looking at me. Yeah. Well, no, the thing was. What are you, you know, did she, like, smash him with a bread bowl?

What did she do? No, like, the thing. She criticized his parenting style on a previous broadcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not in front of him. And then she was like. Yeah, he's a piece of shit dad. He's a piece of shit dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not in front of him. And then she was like, he's a piece of shit dad. He's a piece of shit dad. I don't think it has anything to do with his race.

There's so many piece of shit white dads. Oh, yeah. They fight at hockey games all the time. They're terrible. But it was like, oh, so LeVar Ball did the one thing where he could guarantee a base of people would support him no matter what. He was mean to a woman. Yeah.

Mean to a white woman, too. Mean to a white woman. 53% of people can't be wrong, apparently. Yeah. God damn. Anyway anyway fuck LeVar Ball I hope but I wish nothing but the best for Lonzo I pray he gets taken by the Lakers if this

because I don't want the Celtics to even consider it no they won't don't even think about it this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said,

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quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. It's time for my second pick. The first pick of the, or the last pick of the second round. And with that pick, he, I have to go opposite where you're just going hard.

I have to go, I have to go just pure stats. Somebody who just puts up the best Friday night stats out of any current athlete. I have to take Gronk. He can't. I don't care. Fine. You can have him. I'm taking him. That's to take Gronk. Boo! I don't care. Fine, you can have him. I'm taking him. That's going to be a weekend we don't hang out. I thought I was going to be

off the board, honestly. As somebody who's hung out with him, no you don't. Why not? You just want to play, boy pussy. Yeah, I just want to go see that world. It's just one Friday night. I just want to be a remora on the bottom of it. He legitimately can't read. I believe it.

No, you don't need to read it. You can read a defense. No, I went to a thing that he was on, and they had cue cards up for him, and there were words spelled phonetically. Well, yeah, he got CTE. Yeah, he's got to have the head a lot. And he was still struggling with the words spelled phonetically. And I was like, this is embarrassing.

You're a grown- I heard of the Esbys one year. Gronk was there with the other G phonetically. And I was like, this is embarrassing. You're a grown... I heard of the Espy's one year. Gronk was there with the other Gronks, his brothers, at the bar in the back. And the Gronks, they had a bunch of tequila shots lined up. Yeah. And they just did tequila shots while they were chanting Gronk together. You don't want to be a part of that for one night? No.

Maybe if I was on like a carnival cruise. Yeah. They have a cruise. There's a Gronk cruise that you can go on. And I wouldn't want to hang out with anybody who would want to go to that. No. Oh my God. That's a good point, actually.

You like have to have HPV to get on the boat. Yeah. This is right. They check. It's a swab situation. Yeah. One night, Cabo San Lucas, me, G me gronk another gronk possibly even a third gronk and just out till four in the morning doing cocaine and alcohol doing alcohol and he's

not we're in mexico in this situation what do you think gronk eats i bet he eats like plain cheeseburgers he probably does he probably is a simple boy, I think. Yeah, he's simple. And he's not- I can see him just wolfing down, yeah, barely, like still not cooked all the way chicken breast. And he's like, I don't like fish. It's weird. Fish is weird. It's gross.

Definitely. And I will say in his defense, he's not like a piece of shit. No. I've been around him. He's not a shitty dude. I've been around him a little bit. But he's just too much. Yes.

He's just too much. Like, he's a a shitty dude. I've been around him a little bit. But he's just too much. Yes. He's just too much. Like, he's a nice enough dude. I just, like, not shitty, but I just, like, I can't deal with that. I think we would end up on a boat at some point. I just, it's too much. I think people, there's no way we would pay for a drink. Yeah, I don't know. Because of Pats fans.

I mean, are you going to try and get, like, inside scoop? Do you think he's smart enough to like know the evil inner workings no no no of the patriot system the whole they treat him like a mushroom yeah in the dark and feed him shit yeah i bet they tell him like an hour late to come to stuff he probably does not know that aaron hernandez is in jail or dead yeah what happened he's like where's aaron he thinks he's injured still he made my life a lot easier he just he just everybody told grock that he went to go live on a farm they're just like no aaron went to a farm in vermont and he lives there now i bet even giselle is like he is so stupid can you imagine around our children oh my god i would actually you know

what i really would enjoy is like a podcast between those two Those two interviewing each other Where they just have to sit there And talk to each other for an hour And just see like hear The level of disgust in her voice By hanging out with this Fucking mad dog 2020

Of a man He's a fucking what's the alcoholic energy drink? Sparks. He's a four loco. He's a four loco. He's a pre. He dresses like a fucking four loco. He's a pre-FDA four loco,

which is a thing you want to do one night. Those fucking Zumba pants. Yeah. He looks like he like owns stock in Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. When I met him, it was at a Buffalo Wild Wings.

Of course, that's probably his favorite restaurant. I went. During a Super Bowl, he wasn't participating. Oh, wait, no, it wasn't. He was at a Buffalo Wild Wings. That's probably his favorite restaurant. I went- During a Super Bowl, he wasn't participating. He was at a Buffalo Wild Wings? Yeah.

What a- Where's he from from? Buffalo, right? Buffalo, and then he went to the University of Arizona. Oh, God, that's where my parents are from. Yeah, the Gronks. They're from Niagara Falls. You're from the same stock, you and Gronk.

Oh, gross. I'm a Gronk baby. You're a little Gronk baby. So Liz went to the University of Arizona, too, and gives me- You're a lovely lady. All the dirt on all the players there. Oh, it's so much fun. Any Salim Stoudemire dirt?

She said he's a dirtbag. Really? Yeah. That's too bad. I said, really? And Mufasa Shakur, she said, was a very, very big dirtbag. How are you going to do that when your name's Mufasa? I know.

You're named after one of the greatest literary figures of our time. You're really. Real bad, dude. Mufasa. Maybe they should have named him Scar. Yeah. Scar. What's his last name?

Shakur? Mufasa. Yeah, Shakur. Yeah. One couple quick Gronk stories. He was working... And when he was in college at Arizona, he was supposed to be working security at a lady's bachelorette party, but they just kept goading him until he went up and stripped down to

his underwear and danced for all these ladies. Of course. Of course. Amazing. Giving out lap dances until he went up and stripped down to his underwear and danced for all these ladies. Of course. Amazing. Giving out lap dances until he earned about $25 in singles. Another one. Why do you need security at a bachelorette party? Just for the- What are you doing?

Keep Mufasa Shakur out. Yeah. Ladies, open lingerie, talk about the future husband's dick, and move on. That's the classic bachelorette party. Yes. But you don't want people just interloping. Listening in. What's your husband's dick like?

Hi, my name's Craig. Security at a bachelorette party. It's like, those were trashy women. They probably were. I mean, if they wanted to see Gronk naked. Strip. The Gronk brothers turned their house into a slip and slide on accident one night.

On accident? On accident? Yeah. Because one of the brothers wanted their house into a slip and slide on accident one night. On accident? On accident? Yeah. Because one of the brothers wanted to wash the floors with soap and water and didn't know that was a bad idea. Of course. That's how you warp the floor. Yeah. Anyway.

They also warped the night from a boring night into a party. Now it's time for my third pick. Gronk, classic pick. We all agree. I have to take... oh, this is tough. All right. I'm going to take somebody who I, we're hanging out on a Friday night and I feel like I lose him about 1 a.m. To go to bed?

No, he's not going to bed. He wild. Because somebody's trying to get the pipe. I'm taking J.R. Smith. Goddamn. Yay! That's my next one J.R.

Earl Earl J.R. Smith A man who After they won The NBA finals Championship Last year Didn't wear a shirt

For like four days Didn't have one Praise be Good looking dude Take off those pants Next time Take the pants off too If they go

If they go back to back He's gotta be just Rolling around In those Italian cut Swimming trunks Yeah For like four days I love J.R. Smith off too if they go if they go back to back he's got to be just rolling around in those italian cut swimming trunks yeah for like four days i i love jr smith i love i love how much he wiles out on the court i love his complex celebrations i feel like he would bring that same energy into crazy nights out on the town and yeah just the fact that he didn't wear a shirt for four days i would love to feel that free i would i would it with him. If J.R., it was like

it's a Friday and J.R. Smith rolls up on one of those like funky duck hoverboard things, not wearing a shirt, I'm like, I guess it's no shirt night. You take it off too? You join him? Yeah, my shirt's off. Absolutely. I might go get tattoos that night. Covered in tattoos. J.R. Smith is one of my

like hall pass men. Yeah. Like I can have sex with him and CJ, my boyfriend would be like, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I have a joke about wanting to have sex with him. Do you, it don't, that seems obtainable a little bit. Well, no, he has like a baby now. Does he have a baby now?

Yeah. He had like a very premature baby. Was it him or Kyrie? I don't know. Someone like a very premature baby was it him or kairi i don't know someone had a very premature baby like missed a couple games to be with yeah i think and like to the point where it was like i mean science is crazy it was like 10 years ago this baby would not be alive but the baby lived but yeah i don't know if that it's diminished his wild and out i bet not i bet he still wiles out. Yeah. If the Cavs are in town next year to play the Clippers

and you just run into them outside of the Ford's filling station in the Staples Center, LA Live area, that could be the rest of your night. Yeah.

He was relentlessly trying to pursue Rihanna for a while, which was fun when they were both in New York. And she basically exposed him for being out till

4 a.m. on game nights and stuff like that. On the nights before games. Yeah, but you're the Knicks. What are you going to do? Get a good night's sleep? That's what you're supposed to do. What are you going to be rested for? And the favorite thing, this is a thing that came out, the DMs, the famous J.R. Smith DMs that got exposed.

Where a girl DMed him and was like, hey, I'm going to your game tonight. And he was like, dope. And then she sent back a smiley face. And he said, oh, really? And she was like, oh, really what? Winky emoji. And then without any further ceremony,

you trying to get the pipe? Great. Very direct. The man doesn't have time to waste because he's out partying with me and he's got to be a practice in the morning i think the fact that he he's a man sent an emoji before that is true chivalry yeah yeah even even that even that she you know she was i mean the thing is she was trying to get the pipe yeah she was we all know what what this is about if she didn't

get the pipe that night that's on her that's That's her fault. It's her failing on her. She probably turned her phone off, something like that. Who wouldn't love to get the pipe? And it's a legendary story, but also like, why did she do this? Because it sounds like

she didn't end up getting the pipe. Why would you say, I'm going to your game tonight to an athlete and then like a lot of winky faces and stuff like that? I mean, you're trying to have you want a security guard to

come get you so then you can go and party with them Ian let's say a comely lass messaged you on the Twitter on the DMs and she's like hey Ian I'm coming to your show tonight and then I'm like

oh really first you say dope she's like hey and i'm coming to your show tonight and then and i'm like oh really well wait no no first you say dope dope and then she's like winky face and i'll be like oh really i'd be like well what do you what do you mean yeah really what oh really what winky face yeah and then i'd be like you're trying to get the pipe are you trying to have sexual relations with me are you trying to do do the do the sex i can't quite get the pipe thing. I don't think I can rock the pipe. Do you want to cuddle? Would you like to engage in relations?

Do you want to fall asleep next to me because I went a little too hard? Because I can't keep up with Andre the Giant? Do you want me to get you a lift at 4am? But you know what it is if you're making that reach out. Yeah, anyway. Me and J.R.. Smith rolling deep, going to maybe One Oak, getting into fights with people.

It's going to be a fun night. It sounds great. Yeah. I'm happy for you. You've redeemed yourself from your Gronk kick. I think even J.R. would be like, man, Gronk's a bitch. I think he might be. If we're all hanging out together, though.

He'd be like, you got to lose him. We got to ditch Gronk. We got to get rid of him. Which would not be hard to do. No. You just take a flat and you throw it. Yeah. He chases it.

So that's my third pick. Megan Gailey, it's time for your third pick. Okay. This is personal. This is the first athlete that I ever saw that I was like, oh my God. Yeah. I want to have sex with you as like a young girl. Miami Dolphins defensive end, Jason Taylor.

Jason Taylor. I am so sexually attracted to him. He is a good looking dude. Beautiful. I remember like I was probably 12 and just being like, just like perking up in my little Colts jersey. Like, who is that? Yeah. I didn't know men.

We don't have men like that in Indianapolis. He looks like a men's warehouse model. He's so beautiful. He looks like what will happen like 100,000 years from now if just like all the races. Yeah. He looks like a future people years from now, if just like all the races. Yeah. It's like a future people. Great. Yeah.

I, this would be a night in for me. I think this would be like a fireplace. Um, this would be the bachelorette. I want like cheesy romance with him. The bachelorette fantasy suite. I feel like he'd be in for it.

I feel like he'd wear a vest with no shirt underneath it for you. Bubble baths. And I don't like any of that. But like if there's going to be a man, I want him to like

rub things on me. Oils. Essential oils. I want to oil his bald head. Oh, his head. His peck. You know he's got a good peck shelf on him?

Yeah. So you can oil that up? He looks like a model. Yeah. He does have model good looks. And I love a defensive end. I think defensive ends are so hot. What a blend of strength and athleticism.

I just, they are, what? They tackle the richest men. Yeah. The richest white men they hit. That's so cool. He also, also Walter Payton, NFL man of the year. Good guy.

So he's got a good head. He's married to like someone's daughter or like he has like a wife who's an athlete involved too. Yeah. And that's okay. I understand that.

I know this was a weird pick. No. It's just one that makes me tingle. I'm going to find out who he is married to. He's so pretty. I thought he got divorced. Did he get divorced? I think he might have. Katina Taylor.

Oh, yeah, they are divorced. You're right. Yeah, because he played for the Patriots for like two, I think, a year or two. Why are you going to ruin that for me? And I think I remember. Well, I'm sorry. Why are you going to ruin him? Hey, I've disassociated. I don't fuck with him anymore. Jason Taylor, just a gorgeous man.

So beautiful. I admire that pic. Yeah. Thank you so much. There's really nothing else to- There's not a lot else to say about him. There's no crazy stories because he's NFL Walter Payton Man of the Year. Yeah, good guy.

Jason Taylor. Good. I'm sure he has- I bet he has a place in Miami and then a place someplace else. Yeah. I don't really want to go to Miami. I think Miami is disgusting. He definitely keeps

at least two. It's like a, what's the, in South Carolina, the like resort area? Hilton Head. Hilton Head. He might have like

a little place in Hilton Head. Yeah, Myrtle Beach. Gulf Shores. Yeah. Gulf Shores, yeah. You go to his little bungalow in Gulf Shores. Oh, and in the morning,

he's in the shower but there's a breakfast there waiting for you? Yes. Oh, just him in a linen pant Gulf Shores. Oh, and in the morning, he's in the shower, but there's a breakfast there waiting for you. Yes. Oh, just him in a linen pant with no underwear. It's very like how Megan got her groove back. Yeah, it is kind of. Maybe that's where you go.

Maybe you run into him in the Bahamas. He's there giving a motivational speech, but he's there for four days. The speech is going to take half an hour. I know. You're there on vacation. You know he gives speeches at like Chevy conventions. Absolutely. He tucks a Chevy.

It's got like a Chevy monogram polo tucked into pants, you know. I bet he's still in shape too. That's what you got to worry about with former athletes. There's no way he's not. They sometimes get, ooh. And like I bet he still has a eight pack. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That dude's built still. Carved out of granite. God just took away everything that wasn't Jason Taylor. And there he was. Still has a eight pack. Yeah. Yeah. That dude's built still. Carved out of granite. God just took away everything that wasn't Jason Taylor. And there he was. Just the color of like caramel ice cream. So smooth. Any more comments about Jason Taylor's body? No, I think you guys covered most of the things that one could want to discuss about.

Great bald guy too. Great skull shape. I bet he's a shower and a grower. You're like, well, that would be enough, Dianu. And then even more. What? Yeah. Mike, no thoughts on his cock?

It's probably pretty hardy. I bet it's a handsome one, too. It's probably a hardy. I bet it looks a lot like him. I bet it does. It's like one,y. I bet it looks a lot like him. I bet it does. It's like one, you could photograph it. And even Southern Baptist women would be like, okay.

You should just sketch it with charcoal, some of that. If any of our listeners want to just do an artistic interpretation of Jason Taylor's penis, go ahead and send it to them on Twitter. Please add us with all Jason Taylor dickos. But no riffraff around it. I don't want it in like a hot dog bun. No. I want pure

Jason Taylor dick. Pure, unadulterated dick. Maybe a rose. Yeah. In place of a ball. Yeah. It's like draped over a rose. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. The stem is tucked underneath Mike which athlete and their beautiful penis or vagina are you going to be picking let's see I gotta go Shaq oh that's a good pick

I gotta go Shaq I had some other ones that I was considering but I think I gotta go with that you can make a citizen's arrest that's the one you just drafted a cop yeah I think I got to go with that. You could make a citizen's arrest. You could. That's the one. Why do you want to do a bit of a narc? You just drafted a cop. Yeah.

You did just draft a cop. But I mean, like I said, there's certain nights where I want to do certain things. And maybe this is a night where I just want to go out to a really nice steakhouse in L.A. All right. And just have a decent time. Also, he could carry me. He could carry you. Very similar to Charles Oakley. That seems to be. That's pretty much the sole reason. All three Also, he could carry me. He could carry you. Very similar to Charles Oakley.

That seems to be... That's pretty much the sole reason. All three of your people can carry you. All three of the guys that I picked are people who I could ride on their shoulders. Yeah. And that's the way I want to... I don't want to do piggyback like that.

I want to do, like, I'm sitting on your shoulders. Like, he's daddy. I'm, yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm the king. I want to be brought in, you know. Listen, there's no part of me that's going to criticize you for that.

I totally get it. So, yeah, no, I'm going to go Shaq because you can pretty much go – like there's not a city in America where Shaq hasn't played, I feel like. That's true too. Because, like, I forget that he – how many teams he played with after the Heat. Like he played with the Suns. He played with the Celtics. He played with the Cavs.

He played with – like there were a couple other teams. Jeez. Yeah, he really with the Suns. He played with the Celtics. He played with the Cavs. He played with, like, there were a couple other teams. Jeez. Yeah, he played, he really made the rounds. It's like, you almost forget, you almost forget, like, magic time. I mean, like, I don't because they used to own the Pacers. Oh, yeah. But, like, that, like, the Lakers sort of, like, transcend everything. And it's like, oh, no, he was, like, a superstar on the magic.

On the magic. Yeah. He was, like, the most dominant player anyone had ever seen the so shack on a friday night what does that friday night look like for you see here's what i realized earlier is that i'm so fucking low class that i can't even think of a high class place in los Angeles that I'd want to go. But I don't know if he's going high class. Shaquille? I feel, no, for a meal, I feel like he's getting a- Nobu?

You could go to Nobu in Malibu. Oh, I bet he goes to Nobu. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So maybe we'll go there. We'll, you know, we'll post up somewhere, have a couple beverages, and, you know, he'll just show me, take me on the town, show me the L.A. that I haven't seen yet.

Can I, this is not a criticism of your pick. He seems like he might be a little bit of a jerk. Watching him interact with Barkley and them on the... He's always... Or maybe he's just got a little brother thing with Charles Barkley. I think he just doesn't like Charles Barkley. There's been times where I'm just like, I don't think they like each other.

No, I think that night we're like, hey, we got to stay separate. Yeah. We shot something with him for the Late Late Show and he's a very funny dude. Yeah. His voice is funny. Like, he's funny. He's got a funny voice. He's got good timing.

Yeah. His old tweets are also some of the funniest shit. That's true. Like, ever. Like, when he was just trying to figure out what Twitter was. And it's really just great. I heard, this is a more substantiated rumor that I will not source, but still a rumor.

So I'm not saying it's for sure. Shaq has a guy who follows him around who wears a cowboy hat. And you'll see him in pictures. He's an old black dude who wears a cowboy hat and has a briefcase. And in that briefcase is like $50,000 and two handguns

at all times shack is rolling with a dude wearing a cowboy hat with a briefcase with 50 grand and two handguns in it what and it'd be comforting to know that i have that that guy's rolling too what if they're in a state where you can't have like a open carry law i don't know maybe this cowboy hat guy is deputized or something. He's a U.S. Marshal and he's allowed to have guns. Oh, God. That's so... That also seems bad.

Like, someone could come up and grab... Like, people are crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, for this pick, I wasn't drafting a position of need.

I feel like I was just taking the best available guy off the board. Yeah. I feel like if I waited, somebody would have taken him and I just... I have different needs, obviously. Yeah. Jason Taylor no i don't me and shack i have real needs yeah

shack probably also a gigantic penis oh too big too big that poor his poor what is it what was his wife's name shanita she created basketball wives she yeah she did oh bless her but she she deserves all the good things in the world yeah Yeah, yeah. She's a tiny woman. She got hella money. Having to deal with that Shaq penis all the time? That's a bit much. I don't know how fun that would even be. Yeah, look how bad he is at free throws.

Yeah. You can find a G spot. Absolutely not. There's no... He just like ramps, like throwing it as hard as he can. It's like, no! Eat, like wet it. Do what?

Rub it. k on it's like no eat like wet it do what rub it because like shaq's tongue is probably too big to even find a fucking clitoris like there's no like it's just like part of it part of it would be on that and like the rest would be on her belly button it's like a whale's tongue i'm glad we're talking about shack cunnilingus yeah that it's probably true though this is yeah this is the top podcast for for shack cunnilingus speculating what nba players would yeah who would probably be the best chris paul he's yeah very nimble uh maybe maybe you know what isaiah thomas a little isaiah thomas isaiah thomas i think you gotta be... He's got a lot of heart.

He's got a lot of heart. I think Matt Barnes. Like crazy. Someone who's just like... Matt Barnes can't do anything right. But I bet he can be pussy. No, I bet he can't. Why is Derek Fisher snatching his girl?

Because I think he beat the shit out of her. Why do you think she stayed with Matt Barnes long enough? I don't know. Even though he was completely insane. He either eats it great or he's like, no, I don't eat pussy. That's one of the two. See, I'm falling into that camp. It's zero or a hundred.

It's zero or a hundred. That's okay. I'm falling into that camp. I think that's what he's about. Guys, eat the pussy. Yeah. Be polite. Matt Barnes.

Matt Barnes. Calm down. Show some goddamn respect. Eat, eat the pussy. Yeah. Be polite. Matt Barnes. Calm down. Show some goddamn respect. Eat some pussy. Get your life together, baby. Who are you taking with your fourth pick? So this is why I asked about the coach thing. Oh.

Coaches in play, we think. Nice night out on the town. Maybe a steakhouse. I like this. We get some red wine. Even though I'm not a fan. Maybe he'll teach me a bit about that. I'm writing it down before you even make the pick. Greg Popovich. There it is.

That's a good one. That would be an amazing Friday night. We'd have so much to talk about. So much to discuss. His political rants have been truly inspiring. They have been. He's a very articulate man. He's a very entertaining man. Educated, passionate, a feminist. Yeah. He's a very articulate man. He's a very, very entertaining man.

Educated, passionate, a feminist. It has his shit. Oh, I can't wait till Becky Hammonds becomes a coach. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. I can't either. And I don't, like, I'm kind of hoping it's not with the Spurs because I want Popovich to stay around forever.

You know, very similar to Shaq. We'll hit up a nice steakhouse, but then, you know, we'll have a low-key night. Maybe, you know, go find somewhere with a nice fire pit, have some cocktails, and just, you know, figure out the world. I think, like, wine is, like, I enjoy drinking a red wine. I can't tell a good red wine from a bad red wine, really. I have no idea.

I'm so stupid. But I feel like after two hours with Popovich, just putting on that coaching clinic regarding red wine from a bad red wine, really? I have no idea. I'm so stupid. But I feel like after two hours with Popovich, just putting on that coaching clinic regarding red wine, you know exactly. You could call out terroirs and shit like that. Do we know for a fact he likes red wine? He's a red wine. Oh, he owns a winery.

I was like, I don't know if we're, I mean, his vibe feels red wine-y. He definitely has that vibe. He's a huge wine nerd, yeah. So yeah, I'm pretty excited for that. I bet he has like cool car, tastefully cool cars. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he has, like, a beautiful Audi that you didn't even know they made.

Yeah. You could call Tim. You could call Tim. Tim, yeah, Tim. And the mailman. I don't want him anymore. We're not going hunting for a little Mexican girl. Oh, Carl Malone.

Oh, he's the worst. He had, no basketball player had a shittier run of basketball shoes than Carl Malone. Was he on LA Gear? He was with LA Gear and then Apex. Do you remember Apex? I do remember Apex. And then there was another one too, and I can't remember what it was. I think he might have been with Dada for a year too. So back to Popovich for a second.

He was five years of active duty in the Air Force and then pursued a career in intelligence. He spent time as an intelligence officer in eastern Turkey and even applied for top secret work in Moscow and had considered a future with the CIA. So we should be listening to him. We should be listening to him. Oh, he's like a military guy with experience. He's like one of those, like how people will sometimes be like, I wish they'd just shut up and do-do-do. And it's like, no, Pop knows what's up. Yeah.

Homeland Pop over here. Homeland Pop security. Yeah. And he knows an admiral, too. David Robinson. David Robinson. So he, I'm sorry. Oh, you son of a bitch.

But yeah, we should be listening to him. He's a smart guy. He knows exactly what he's talking about. He can understand the conflict in the Middle East. I believe he speaks Russian. Well. Yeah. We need to get him on some phones.

Grigory Popovich. Yeah, that would be a real fun night. It would be fun. He's funny, too. Yeah. He's so funny. I love watching him talk with Doris Burke. What a great fun. He's funny too. Yeah. He's so funny. I love watching him talk with Doris Burke.

What a great pair. He's great. Speaking of great, Doris Burke. Shout out to Doris Burke. There's so many times where when I'm playing 2K if I don't get Doris Burke

as the commentator I'm like You just restart the game. I'm just like nope, pop out. Pop back in. I think that would mean a lot to her.

I love her. She's the best. She is the best. She is great. You know who else is the best? Whoever Megan Gailey is going to take with her fourth pick. This is weird. I wanted a golfer.

Yeah. Because golfers are funny to me, and they're very famous to me. I like them. Yeah. I don't want Tiger. I don't want Phil. Yeah, yeah. I don't want Rory.

There's none that are like right now that are popping off to me. A dude that I think is like cool, will party, has some stories for sure, Angel Cabrera. Angel Cabrera. Is he the duck? Is he the – no, that's El Pato. I think it is, isn't it? Yeah, El Pato.

El Pato. He's the one that would smoke a whole pack of cigarettes like during a nine. He's Argentinian. Yes. That would be a fun night. I feel like Argentinians go off. I wanted like a man from like a different country. Yeah.

You know, he is, he's won majors. He drank, he used to like drink. He's kind of a big fat guy but he would show up like dressed well like a well put together big fat guy I bet he smells good like

I would fly to Argentina to hang like I want to be in his hometown doing Angel Cabrera stuff you want

he's from Cordoba Argentina but it could even be a Buenos Aires night I think it's a Buenos Aires night I bet he gets mad pussy oh my god crazy Cordoba, Argentina, but it could even be a Buenos Aires night. I think it's a Buenos Aires night. I bet he gets mad pussy. Oh, my God.

I bet he can dance, too. He just goes to the dance floor. It was either him or John Daly, and it's like, I don't want to hang out with John Daly. John Daly's the night you're going to, meth is going to be offered to you. And it's like, what am I going to do with Jim Furyk? You know, like, I want a golfer, but, like, they're dorks. Most of them are dorks, but I don't think Angel Cabrera is. No, and he's not a religious weirdo. I'm sure he, like, thanks God.

Sure, sure. But, like, a lot of them are religious weirdos. But also, Argentinian religious, way more palatable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Than, like, the fucking, like, WWJD bracelet. I'd want to spend a whole day with him. Like, have a, like, do, like, a like WWJD bracelet. I'd want to spend a whole day with him. Like have a, like do like a breakfast.

An amazing breakfast. Have a siesta and then go into the night partying. You'd go to an Argentinian steakhouse at some point. Fuck yes. We should go to, it's not, it's Brazilian, but we should all go to Fogo do Chão. I'm down. Yeah, Fogo do Chão is great. I like the salad bar, dude.

The salad bar is fucking off the hook at Fogo do Chão. I can fuck with that. We should do a Fogo do Chão. See, I don't, I give such a little shit about golf. Like I could not care. And like everybody assumes due to my level of whiteness that I fuck with it. Like I, it feels to me like when somebody is like, oh, you play golf, right? It's, it's like very similar to like, if, if I was an African American, like being,

being like, you, you, you play Kwanzaa, you'd like Kwanzaa, right? Like you celebrate Kwanzaa, right? You celebrate Kwanzaa, right? Do you not golf? No. I've played it once. I love golf, too. I've played it once in my life. You don't even like watching it?

No. On a Sunday? No. You're hungover on a Sunday? So much better things to do. Oh, golf on TV, but you're on your phone for most of it? Yeah.

Because every now and then you look up like- What's the point? Put on anything else. It's really soothing. I'll watch some SVU in the morning and Put on anything else. It's really soothing. I'll watch some SVU in the morning and have a great day. I have sobbed. Like when Phil finally won a major, I sobbed.

Did you? So bored. I grew up in a golf family. I think we... Yes, see? I was captain of my high school golf team. I like... The culture of it, I'm like into. Crisp clothing. Remember when we went

to that golf course to film? Yes. And just the fucking Oh, they were up their own ass. The second I got there, I was accosted about having my hat on backwards. And I'm just like, just let me be the kind of white guy I want to be.

You can't. They've got rules. And I don't like just let me be the kind of white guy I want to be you can't they've got rules and I don't like that but then you go into the locker rooms and there's like tons of free shit I just don't like you can get little

baby secret deodorants I don't like being dictated to I love a driving range afternoon I love to get like a pitcher or two a beer

a driving range is different than golf no you can't take part of it and not some of it sure you can it's not mini golf get golf balls. A driving range is different than golf. No, you can't take part of it and not some of it. Sure you can. It's not mini golf. Mini golf is separate.

No, putt-putts for trash. Yeah. I like that. I love a driving range. The Los Feliz driving range for our LA listeners is a pretty fun time. Let's go.

I'm in. Is there a bar? I'm literally, well, there's a next door there is. Oh, yeah. I'm down for any, anytime you want to go get golf balls.

Angel Cabrera, great pick. I know it's weird. I'm down for any time you want to go get golf balls. Angel Cabrera, great pick. I know it's weird. It's weird in the best way. He's a foreigner. How progressive. A South American man. I've got a woman too. I've got a woman and

a South American. It's time for my fourth pick. And with my fourth, I... There's somebody I kind of want to pick just for their access to other people. That's legit. Yeah. I'm taking Johnny Manziel. I'm taking Johnny Football.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is what? Yeah. I'm taking Johnny Football. Jamal sold him weed. Did he? Yeah. I love that. You have Gronk and Johnny. Gron'm taking Johnny Football. Jamal sold him weed. Did he? Yeah.

I love that. You have Gronk and Johnny. Gronk and Johnny Football. Because that gets me immediate access to Migos. Oh. Now I can hang out with them. Hang out with him. They do hang out.

They invited him to the culture premiere. Do you think as a joke? As like, yeah. No, I think they like hanging out with Johnny Manziel. And I'm his plus one to the Migos party. And all of a sudden, now I'm friends with the real Quavo. Well, yeah. Yeah.

And that's what we'd all like. Who is also, by the way, a remarkable athlete. He is. Quavo. I think that might be my fifth pick. Quavo? Yeah. Fuck that.

You can't make me take Johnny Manziel and then go take Quavo. He's a premier athlete. Do you have any white people on your team so far? Do I? Yeah, Povich. Oh, right, right, right. You got two dumbass white boys. Two real dumb white boys.

Johnny's not even good. No, he's not a good athlete at all. And not paying for shit. You want party Johnny. You don't want like just out of rehab Johnny. No, I want party. I want full relapse. I want full party Johnny Manziel in between the Heisman and getting drafted.

Just going crazy. Like in Vegas? Do you want to go to, like... I want to go... Yeah. I want to spend... Or like a college frat party. I want to go to Dallas and have a Friday with him in Dallas just doing crazy

Texas shit with Johnny Manziel. Wow. Yeah. But mostly I want to go to the Migos album release party with Johnny Manziel. There's other ways to Migos. J.R. Smith might have been able to get me in there. Yeah. I feel like a call from J.R. Smith. Do you want to like talk to Johnny?

Would you try and like at the end of it sit him down and be like, hey, dude, what's up? I think here's what would happen. 4 a.m. It's 4 a.m. Me and Johnny Manziel standing outside. He's smoking a cigarette. I don't smoke cigarettes, but I'm standing out there with him.

And then it gets real. It gets real for a second. Johnny needs to get his shit together. I'm like, Johnny, this is fun, man. But like. You can't do this forever. I'm 32, right? You're 22.

You're 20. You're 20. You got 10 years ahead of you. And what you do with those next 10 years, I know it seems, I know it seems fun what you're doing right now, but you're racking up debts right now that you're going to have to pay for later. Now bring it in here. Come in. No, come here.

Come here. Real big hug. And when we're done with the hug, his eyes are a little red. He's crying a little bit. A little tears. And I'm like, we still on for breakfast tomorrow? 9 a.m.? Let's make it 10.

Let's make it 10.30. Sleep in. We're making an attainable time. And then we don't talk about it again. But then, you know, the next time we go out, he doesn't get quite as hammered. Oh, okay. So you're not asking him to go cold turkey. You're weaning him off.

No, no, no. This is a wean situation. This is a classic wean. We're still, like, he's still doing blow, you know, but less, but like less blow. Do you want him on a team? No. Wow. No, he has a lot of family money.

He doesn't need to be in the NFL. So you don't even want him doing workouts. But it sounds like he's getting cut off that. It sounds like the family's sort of done with him. Are they done with him? Sounds like they're not. I mean, white people are never done with their wild children. It's ridiculous.

Yeah. Manziel, he's out there partying. He's partying with Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay. Why would Leo even fucking waste time with him? I don't know, man. Because bitches. But what bitches is Johnny Manziel bringing to the table that Leonardo DiCaprio isn't

bringing himself? Yeah. I wonder if it's just like, hey, girls like you, girls like you. He was in the... I mean, Leo may not know that he's a bad quarterback. He was living in a bay for six months. There's no way he knows. Oh, he was like a first-round draft pick.

Great. Yeah, bring him in here. Right. Johnny Football. Also, who doesn't want to find – Leonardo DiCaprio, he's curious, just like Ian Carmel is curious. I want to see what that Friday's like. Me and Leo, yet another thing we have in common.

Wow. Would you try and do a group hang with him and Gronk? Oh, my God. What would that be like? I feel like Manziel and Gronk would get in a fight because Manziel would be upset that Gronk parties just as hard. Manziel runs his mouth, too. And Gronk, I think, would just be like, I'm big. Yeah.

I break you. I break you in half. But he'd be so fucked up he wouldn't even know that he had like a broken eye socket until the next morning. At breakfast. Yeah, so Johnny Manziel, I'm taking him a little bit just because I'm curious what that's

like. What one of the great athletes who partied themselves out of a career that didn't involve promethazine syrup that we know of. And then a little bit just for the connections. Okay. And my final pick, my fifth and final pick, ooh, this is a tough one. This one's going to involve like a bit of a time machine.

I want to go back. Okay. And I want to spend a Friday night sometime in the late 20s with George Herman Babe Ruth. Okay. That's what I thought you were going to say. Once you said time machine, I was like, oh, we're going to. We're going back to the era of the Babe. We're going dark.

Yeah. That's a guy who basically drank himself out of an entire Major League Baseball season when he gave himself that ulcer in like 1920. He has a lost season. Hold on here. Babe Ruth. I think a night with, like early babe. Early babe. Okay.

Yeah. Oh yeah, early babe. Preceding before, maybe two years before the ulcer forced him to miss like an entire year. Okay. In New, like in New York. Yeah. Just like going to crazy flapper parties and shit like that. Watching him eat 16 hot dogs

in his single sitting no he was not he grew up in an orphanage in Baltimore yeah you know I was thinking about this the other day because like you know how there's always the argument of like like oh Michael Jordan and LeBron like who's the better

or like Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth who's the better, or like Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth, who's the better baseball player. Yeah. Everybody playing today, anybody who's playing baseball at either the professional or even the collegiate level is better than Babe Ruth. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, are they?

Yeah. Pitchers were throwing, baseball's the one sport where I'm not 100% sure about that. But you have a bunch of white guys who had, like, iron lung playing a sport. Like, no... Like, it was not professional sports. But, like, a baseball didn't get any easier to hit in those last... Like, did it? Yeah, I mean...

I guess curveballs probably drop bigger. Yeah. You're probably right, but it's all context. In 200 years, those athletes are going to have, like, cybernetic Tommy John surgery and shit like that. But yeah, no. He's probably a good time

to hang with. I think he would have been a good... The dude, like, yeah, he drank a lot, smoked a lot. Here's a famous quote by George Herman Ruth. It's simple, kids. If you drink and smoke and eat and screw as much as me, well, kiddos, someday you'll be just as good at sports. I mean, great role model. Great role model.

That's fun. He was the original Charles Barkley. Yeah? Way back then. I think Charles Barkley and Babe Ruth would have been good friends. Yeah. Yeah. He just, to be just, I think it Barkley and Babe Ruth would have been good friends. Yeah. Yeah. He just, to be just, I think it would be like going off for one night in New York City with

Babe Ruth. Yeah. Just getting into all the whatever the fuck they went back then. I bet he like lived in a hotel. He probably did. I bet he didn't even have an apartment. That seems like a thing you can't do anymore, but people used to do back in the day. No, people still do.

I mean, because now they have condos that are like in parts like parts of hotels yeah yeah oh that's true yeah because so you can have like the full-time concierge of hotel living like um yeah but yeah no people like in 90210 one of the kids lived in a hotel i was like dang yes 90210 which was 30 years ago now i know but i'm saying a long time ago oh yeah oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I think you're saying, like, currently. No. Like, yeah, no. Like, last week on 90210. And not the CW route reboot. Uh, Chelsea Handler every now and then. It's really rich people who do it anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because you're not getting, like, a week rate. No. Like, it's not a place that has, like, a sign like, free HBO, and for a week it's 120. Like, an extended stay. Yeah. He, uh, yeah. She would just go, like, stay at, like, week it's like an extended stay yeah he uh yeah she would just go like let's stay at like one like the beverly hills hotel or whatever for a week and it's like why you have a mansion but whatever people like i love i love hotels i do love even like a like not like a

shitty shitty but like a holiday and express hell yes i love hotels they're the best like if i if i could legitimately live in a hotel and just have the place clean for me every day and not have to worry about anything I'd love that very much I just want a fridge

and a microwave uh I don't I don't have much else to say about Babe Ruth okay that was the whole that's just that

I think it would be fun I think it would be a unique experience and you went vintage and like that's cool yes we haven't gone vintage. He was also, oh, yeah, what did he, yeah, just also somebody who, like, knew he was the shit.

And it would be fun to, like, tag along with that. Yeah. All right, so, Megan, it's time for your final pick of the athletes you'd like to spend a Friday night with draft. So, I mean, my favorite athlete of all time I'm not picking because it's just – I talk about him too. I love Dwight Freeney. We will be together someday. I don't need to pick him for this. I don't want to spend a Friday night with him because I want to spend my life with him.

Right. Maybe a Friday night is the one that you have off that week. Yeah. That's when you're like, hey, I'm going out with Jason Taylor. Talk about how dope Dwight Freeney is. Exactly. Exactly. So, Dwight, you're my person I want to spend my life with.

This person I'm picking, I like came to it at the last second. Super fun party dude. Yeah. Funny, cool. I'm going to Jamaica to hang out with Usain Bolt. Ooh. Usain Bolt is a funny, cool guy. He is so cool.

Yeah. And I think he would like me. I can see that. I can see that. He's like, he's also, I like that he's so, like, track guys are cool. Yeah. And he's the coolest track, like, he's the best and the coolest. Yes.

And, like, I bet he smokes weed. A hundred percent. Sure. Like, I want to go to Jamaica. I'm basically just picking trips I want to go on. Yeah, a hundred percent. Well, that's why I took a time travel trip back to 1920s New York. Yeah.

A Friday in Jamaica. Yes Jamaica with Usain Bolt. Megan has just made this her destination fuck dress. Where can I go and have sex? I want to go to Miami and do sex. I don't think the Barkley pic was a sexually driven pic. But if it got there, I wouldn't be upset. It might get there. I bet it would.

It might get there. I bet Charles would lead it there. Don't whack your head on the steering there. I bet it would. It might get there. Oh, I mean, I bet Charles would lead it there. Don't whack your head on the steering wheel. I bet Charles Barkley is actually a tender lover. I bet he's very charming. I think he's a very charming, when he needs to flip into that

mode, I bet he is. Oh, I bet he kisses hands. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Usain is just fun. He's a party boy. Yes. He dances. Like, to go to, like, a Jamaican nightclub with him. Oh, my God. Would be awesome.

Let's get dagged on the dance floor by Usain Bolt. Skinny dip. Yeah. After in the bay. You might not want to go to the Jamaican dance halls, Megan. You'll take a tombstone pile driver and be done for the night. They dance real rough. The Usain ones.

Have you seen the ones that they do the WWF commentary over with Jim Ross? No. Because they body slam the women. They do. It's ridiculous. Okay. Well, I'll have Usain to keep me comfy. You just tell them to dial it back a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah. Pull back on the reins there. I think Usain Bolt's a good pick. He got caught cheating at the Olympics. At the Olympics. His girlfriend called him out for cheating, and he's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm Usain Bolt.

I'm the fastest man on the planet. Yeah. I'm trying to get pussy. Yeah. And this is, I mean, like, Usain Bolt, if you're going to be a person who's like, oh, my God, I locked in Usain Bolt. Yeah. bolt if you're if if you're gonna be a person who's like oh my god i i locked in usain bolt yeah you're gonna also have to be kind of okay with like the other part of usain bolt which is he's the greatest athlete in the world possibly right just at one thing anyway yes where it's like yeah he's gonna go have sex with people for this region and if i want another if i want the right and if i want the other part of usain bolt where like you know he's taking me out to like

amazing dinners and like if you're the guy who's Usain Bolt where like, you know, he's taking me out to like amazing dinners. And like if you're the guy who's married to Serena Williams, it should be the same way. Absolutely. She should be able to go out and get, you know. Yes. Stop whoever she wants. I think it's so cool his last name is Bolt. Bolt is cool too.

Yeah. He's just bolting. Yeah. Oh, he's the best. That is. It's like an ice cream guy named Cone. And he's just like always in, if we went out, I'd want him to just wear the Jamaican flag. Yeah.

He could have like maybe on an underwear. Yeah. Again, the European cut. The French cut. And then just be draped. They'd be like, no, you don't have a shirt. And he'd be like, this is my shirt. This is my shirt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the Jamaican flag. Do you want me to put on enough gold medals so it covers my nipples? Because I can do that too. Oh, I would want him to bring a gold medal too. Yeah. Would you, if you ended up back at his place later that night, would you wear all the gold medals?

Oh, hell yeah. I would take my top off and strategically place them over my tits. Yeah. And then I'd Instagram that. Couple for the gram. Yeah. Oh, that would be a clutch Instagram. I would do that too.

I know. That would be so great. I would absolutely do that. We should all take Michael's help. And I'd hope there'd be like a little underboob. Oh, you gotta clutch underboob. That's what's like, I'm... You might have to cinch in the back a little bit.

Well... Because I think those are long metals. Excuse me, I got carried away. I think I would have to... Sticky. Sticky. I'd have to sticky two of them to my boobs to create an underboob.

Yeah. If we were doing like a photo shoot, if we brought in... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd have to get like sticky tack. I'm really open to being filmed or photographed without a top on. Yeah. And I let a close friend know that who now does have the possibility to make that happen. And I feel like, because it's like, now, I want to do it now.

100%. And then I can show my grandkids and be like look how. Look at that. So if you're not living up to that the DNA is there. Get in the gym. And I'd want makeup. I'm not just like I'd be like can you do some contouring. Why wouldn't you do it? You get to look like

this once you know. I'm gonna do it. I think that's great. Give me my CISO show. Have you decided on a theme for it? Is there gonna be a theme to it? Do you know what

the background is gonna be? Oh, no. I don't even care about that. I'll just, like, I would be fine being in a show and, like, walking out and being, like, surprised and being like,

well, this is how I am. Oh, a mood. I walk around my apartment naked when my roommate's not there and sometimes I, like, forget. I came out the other day and she was like, and I was like, oh, boy.

I've been, I've been, my Sean, Sean Jordan has been out of town and it's just been, I'm showering with the door open. Balls free. Yeah, it's been, it's been really amazing. And it's like one of those things where if I lived alone,

I don't think I would do it. But like, since I have a roommate, when I can do it. When they're not there, it feels like you're getting away with something. It's a treat. Yeah. See, I feel weird being nude in front of my dog.

Yeah, that is weird. Even though he's nude. No, that's weird. Because my parents' dog looks at me sometimes and I'm like, do you think I look good? Do you think I look bad? Yeah. Do you think I have trouble spots? Yeah.

Or is he like, dang girl, what's up? It might be, yeah. I don't know. But I just feel weird being naked in front of him. I get that. I've been naked in front of your dog dozens of times. It doesn't bother me at all. Mike Malloy, it's time for your final pick.

The final pick of the athletes to hang out with on a Friday night draft. I'm very conflicted on this one. Boy. I think I know who I'm going with. Rasheed Wallace. Oh. No. Why boo?

Matt was at the Palace. Oh, that's true. Oh, well. That was the palace oh well that was a friday night that wasn't that wasn't she's fault yeah that wasn't his that was ben wallace's fault i blame them all that was ben wallace it was ben wallace but i okay i'm sorry i booed you no yeah i know you you were wrong you were wrong to do time oh he's the best yeah and also the crew that it gives you access to because like we'd be hanging out with garnett which like i can deal with you want like present day rashid wallace oh yeah yeah like now where he's like allowed to smoke weed and chill out right yeah and like he's he can be a goon too if need be. He is – he can be a goon on the court. But what I heard about Rasheed Wallace, my mom worked with another nurse who dated him for a while.

What? In Portland? In Portland. That he is one of the most sensitive, thoughtful, like intelligent guys who like she's ever met. That he's just like cool and funny and like he gets on the court he would get like worked up every now and then but off court he's just like one of the coolest guys there is is he commentating he's doing the area 21 stuff every once in a while which is like what how what i don't know area 21 i love it so bad. Kevin Garnett, the guests are interesting.

Yeah. Kevin Garnett needs to not be the person driving a show. He's terrible. The whole time he's like, all right, so check it out, and slamming his hands together. He's like a terrible 106 in park. But that's what I love about it. I feel like that's the place. He needs a little coaching.

That show needs an Ernie Johnson. It needs someone to tee him up. But who? And drive the, I don't know. It could be any. Get a gumball. It could be you. Can we do one of the loose gumballs?

No. There's got to be a loose gumball. It could be literally just someone who can hang in there and he needs a point guard. Yeah. Jalen can do it. Jalen has the, he can drive a show. But Jalen also, I feel like Jalen doesn't deserve to be sitting at that table with those men.

Sure. But he wild. Jalen? And he was a... He was pretty good. I think he's there because he's a tell it like it is. Yeah. You know, and, like, that's...

To have someone that's that, like, polished and good and tell it like it is, you're not going to find. You got people telling it like it is and it's like, we don't want to hear from you. And you're like, don't tell, that's not how it is, by the way. And you don't know how it is anyway. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, Jalen. T.O., that ain't how it is.

Yeah, T.O., that's not how it's been. Maybe that is what's for you in T.O. world. Well, Jalen Rose blocked me on Twitter so he can go to hell. Why did he block you on Twitter? I forget. I talked shit about, I said something he can go to hell. Why did he block you on Twitter? I forget. I said something about him and not even added him and he found it. And it was in the middle of an NBA

countdown that he was on. So it was on commercial. I bet he has people. He must. And he responded to it. I don't understand how you can be a celebrity and still vanity search your name. You're just going to have a bad day. This is not an athlete by any means, but Piers Morgan was doing this thing

where he was criticizing somebody for having their boobs out. And I was talking shit about Piers Morgan. Again, not even adding him. And he found it. And he was coming on. Just pure coincidence, was on the Late Late Show later that day.

I hadn't even looked at our guests. And I was like, oh shit. And he's like, the Late Late Show. Interesting. And I'm like even looked at our guest and I was like, oh shit, and he's like, the Late Late Show. Interesting. And I'm like, fuck, is he going to get me fired? Which it doesn't anymore. This is the perk of not having a job. No one can fire me.

My dad's friend was like, I'm unfollowing you because I don't like your political beliefs. It's like, good bitch, I don't care. Why don't you go run whatever factory you do in Boston? I do not care about you. Like, what? Are you going to call my boss? When I pissed off the alt-right, they all tried to get me fired for like a solid week.

But my executive producer came forward and was like, we love Ian. He's not getting fired. And we also don't like the alt-right. Yeah. It's like, we got to consider the sources. I think we're going to not appease the Nazis. I think that's what our stance is going to be. I think we're not going to give in to neo-Nazis.

But Piers Morgan called me into his green room. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell? And then he ended up being really nice and charming, which I hated because I want to hate him. But like, yeah, but he like played that psychological game the whole time and then called me into his green room. And he was like, then he was nice, but it was just like, fuck, dude. But he played that psychological game the whole time and then called me into his green room. Then he was nice, but it was just like, fuck, dude.

I had a similar thing happen when I went to Conan when one of my friends was doing a set. And Rob Lowe was a guest. Oh, yeah. And him and I have had beef in the past about the whole him having sex with children thing. Who is this? Rob Lowe. Rob Lowe. Yeah. in the past about the whole him having sex with children thing who is this rob low rambler uh yeah so i like i just tried to keep my nose clean that day because i didn't want to get cussed out

right right right because you know having having the booker see rob low fucking cussing me out probably wouldn't be good for my long-term prospects uh excellent so wait so your last pick is Rasheed Wallace And I was very torn Because there were other ones I thought about Because that was the last round, right? So I can mention some others that I had

I think Rasheed goes to wine dinner with you and Pop And has a great time Yeah, we have a great time So some others that I had in mind were Ric Flair As I mentioned earlier David Ortiz, I gave some thought to So some others that I had in mind were Ric Flair. Oh, yeah. As we mentioned earlier. David Ortiz, I gave some thought to.

Poppy. Udonis Haslam was one of them. Why Udonis Haslam? Because he's the mayor of Miami. That's true. Like, he's the king of that place. I don't like Miami. You don't like Miami. You mentioned that earlier.

But he's going to show you a Miami you haven't seen. I mean, I like ceviche, but, like, that's it. I don't like Miami. But he's going to show you a Miami you haven't seen. I mean, I like Ceviche, but like that's it. I don't like strip malls. I don't like the architecture. You don't like Art Deco? South Beach is gross to me. Yeah, yeah. And I like some trashy things.

Sure. I'll throw down at a Benihana's like the happiest little pagan sloth. We talked about Fogo de Chão earlier, which isn't necessarily trashy. Miami just don't speak to my Midwestern party-ness. Sure. You don't like

a yellow Lamborghini with a top-down blindscape? You know what it is? I don't like new money. Yeah. New money is gross. Oh, it's all new money.

I want like old I push someone off my sailboat and he can go to jail money. You want that Connecticut money. Yeah, that's what I'm about.

That blue, blue blood. We left Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle. I know. We didn't go vintage, really. Joe Namath? I thought about picking Arthur Ashe. Arthur Ashe? Just to ask him

some stuff. He must have been having some fun. Muhammad Ali. Muhammad Ali would have been amazing. Mario Balotelli. As far as like, if you want to go to like Ibiza with a crazy soccer star who can get you in everywhere. We just went with people we like, I think. Yeah.

I didn't, I picked, I did have women on, I know I didn't pick any. But it all would have been Jason Taylor shit. I would have been like Alex Morgan or like Tyler Diggins and being like, you know, unable to satisfy them. You don't want a Billie Jean? I would hang out with Billie Jean King. Yeah, I bet she's cool. Me and Billie Jean King have a little board game. Tim Duncan I almost picked just because like me and Tim Duncan drinking Mountain Dew, playing video games all night would be a fun Friday.

Me and Timmy D. I love Tim. I'd just sit there and watch him play Skyrim and ask him questions about the NBA. I think it would be like a fun Friday. Timmy, me and Timmy D. I love Tim. I just sit there and watch him play Skyrim and ask him questions about the NBA. I think it would be like a fun Friday. His wife would bring

cookies. Yeah, she would. Yeah. Are you boys having fun? Yes. Thank you. Like he is the last

true square of the NBA. Like went to all four years of college like a fucking nerd and just is like, he's so boring, but he's so boring but he's so Hayward's a square. What's that? Hayward's a square. No. Gordy Hayward?

He's I mean he's He's square as hell and he's in Utah. But he's gotten so handsome. Yeah he is handsome but like I definitely think the Mormons try and pick him up like all the time. He's married isn't he? I think so. So is everybody. But I think he's a he's a

he's a good boy yeah hopefully future celtic because they got the cap space it might happen he didn't make an nba all nba team i know i like that neither did your boy paul george no he's gone he's like future trailblazer no there's no way that's going to happen. The future not Pacers. Blazer fans are all like, he's going to be a Blazer. There's no way. But future Laker. Yeah. Which, like, have fun with that, Lakers. Have, like, start Photoshopping those pictures because God knows you're going to spend all summer doing that.

I'm going to get a Paul George Lakers jersey if he comes here. You're a Paul George fan. I'm a Paul George fan. I'm a Pacers fan, but I do love Paul George. And he, like, made the team. I mean, I think they're relevant. I know they Paul George fan. I'm a Pacers fan, but I do love Paul George. And he like made the team I mean, I think they're relevant. I know they're not. But he like brought them back. Like he was

fun to watch. He made people go to games. There were those two years. That's what we forget about. I mean, if you're not a sports fan, you probably stop listening by now. But like the whole thing like championship or bust is a thing I used to like be a part of. I'm like, well, let's blow it up. But no, those years, those like Roy Hibbert, Paul George, Lance Stevenson years, those were fun years.

Very fun. And it's fun to like go to those games and watch your team compete even if it's not like going to be a – You can't champion or bust right now in the NBA. You can't. Because there's so much. You're either your Cavs or Warriors fan. There's one team. It's so top heavy.

There's two teams and really there's one team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know, man. Whoa, Kevin Love, where'd you come from, baby boy? Well, Lake Oswego, Oregon. That's where he came from. Whoa.

He's from Lake Oswego? He is. He got that money? Mm-hmm. Oh, hey, son. His dad was in the NBA very briefly and his uncle, well, you know that, was in the Beach Boys. I did not know his uncle was. Stan Love. Really? I did not know that. Yeah. Mike know that, was in the Beach Boys. I did not know his uncle was. Stan Love.

Really? I did not know that. Mike Love. Mike Love in the Beach Boys. Do you think they made him lose weight? The Beach Boys guys? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They must. They're like, don't you want to be a sex symbol, dude? Don't you want to be like your uncle? Yeah, Kevin Love, Lake Oswego, Oregon. So, there it is. We left some good people on the board, but I think our Oswego, Oregon. So, there it is. We left some good people on the board, but I think our picks ended up being me.

I went first and took Andre the Giant, Gronk, J.R. Smith, Johnny Football, and Babe Ruth. Dude, you got a real aggro team. You got some meatheads over there. Just a bunch of white dickheads. And J.R. Smith speaks to where i am i want to watch jr smith just yell at everybody on your team he would do they'd probably take it he's gonna bash a hennessy bottle over the giant's not a meathead by the way i know his head looks like me yeah it's just that he's got a ham head he looks like the stay puff marshmallow man megan

gailey you took charles bark, Serena Williams, Jason Taylor, Angel Cabrera, and Usain Bolt. Mike Malloy, you took Charles Oakley, Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Shaquille O'Neal, Greg Popovich, and Rasheed Wallace. NBA heavy. Very NBA heavy. So those were the picks. Make sure you go to at Ian Carmel on Twitter and vote in the poll to tell us who you think won.

I've been putting them up every week. Yeah, I was going to think won. I'll actually, I've been putting them up every week. Yeah, I was going to say I got robbed the week. I've been putting them up on my page. Yours is pretty good. No, no, no. I mean, I don't know if I won. Oh, when we did it. I mean, when we did Pop Divas.

I feel like I won. The fact that Selena wasn't taken upset me. Who did? None of us were Selena heads. David Bore. Yeah, David Bore taking Tiffany first overall. When I heard that, I screamed. I was so upset with him.

Because he could have taken the third pick and done that. Because nobody was taking Tiffany. The tenth pick. Yeah. Nobody was taking Tiffany. He's finally back in town, by the way. I know. We'll see him tonight.

That little rascal. And you'll catch him, possibly, on the next episode of All Fantasy Everything, which will drop the following Thursday. So tune in next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. that was a hate gun podcast