All Fantasy Everything - Australian Wildlife (w/ Jay Jurden)

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

We sincerely apologize to our Aussie listeners for the accents we attempt in this episode. We do NOT, however, apologize for all of the penis talk in this episode.Guest:Jay Jurden (@jayjurden)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. But I'd rather show my whole hog. My team, my team said, Jay, they want to go full frontal. What a great message. Yeah, my team said, my team said, Jay, they want to go full front. You're going to want to come into the office. I says, HBO, they can do it. They say, okay, we're going to push for butt.

I said, okay, I'll show butt. They said, because we don't want the first time on TV, you're giving everything away. Yeah. I said, you're right. You're right. I want to tune back here. You're right. You know what's funny is I went home in red from it.

I went home and did that, did think about that. Who do we know who went full dick frontal and never came back, though? Never came back? Who are the stories they have? Well, let's start the podcast. Can we let me have that we in? Yeah. Let's start the, we're doing it.

This is all fantasy everything. Yeah. Welcome, welcome. What's his face? The, the dude, Jason. Segal? Jason Segal. He kind of came back.

Are you kidding me? But I don't think it's the dick. popular as hell. He met your mother. Yeah. No, but didn't he go dick out? That was pre-dick. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall dick out. Right. But I don't think dick out is why he went away. But his dick was so important to that movie. Yeah. That it is talked about a little bit more than Russell Brae. I would say there are two dicks in that movie that are important. Yeah.

Jason Siegel and Russell Brand. Absolutely. Russell Brand being a dick of a person. A huge dick. His being a dick. Yeah. Sunk Kim. You know what's funny.

Funny, all I remember about that movie is the vampire. That's impossible. We're talking about the dick. I don't even- You remember his dick? I can't even see it right now. When he just drops the towel. I know that he does it.

It didn't make an impression. I can't see it. It's a pretty good-looking one. It's locked in up here for me. It's a perfect comedy day. It would be. It's big. It's girthy.

He's tall and it's a big dick on a tall person. Is that rare? If you do the math, you go, that dick is even bigger than we think. It looks big. On a tall guy. It's got to be nerve-wracking, no matter who you are. So do you do something to it? Yeah, you're doing something.

Yeah. You're at 25%. I'm not, you're like, I'm not hitting the box office soft, is what I'm saying. That's crazy. I feel like you got a window. You're like, you need to get the shot right now because in 30 seconds, it's going to be like, you're going to be there. No, you're going to be a wreck.

Oh, a wreck. Yeah. You got to be like, you know what I want? And this is maybe crazy. I want the. remnants of thinking about it. That's okay, yeah. I want, I want it to look like I was thinking about it, 20 minutes.

What if you just got done? 10 minutes ago, 10 minutes ago. Yeah, what if you just got done? You're nuts. Just got done? Then it's always, I get. And then you just come out of the trailer. It's always pretty big, though.

You want Rocky after the fight? That's what it's big. That's what it's big. You want you changed. I would argue, I would argue, I would argue, I would argue, you want your punch-dick on the screen. You don't want your punch. I would argue you want it a little, you want it very warm. in the room and you also

want it a little bit after you've thought about some things. But not engaged. Not engaged. Not engaged. Not finished. You want blood to have arrived down there. You don't want blood to still be actively doing that thing. Yeah. I kind of like blood to be leaving the party. I'd like

blood to be like, all right. Yeah. That's afterwards. You want to be shooting dusk for Don. That's what you're talking about. Shoot dusk for Don. Guys are acting like I'm crazy. I'm right. You're talking about post-nut. Yeah. Yes. You want a Beat off in snow. You want to beat off in film a cheek, not in front of them.

Do you tell them you're jerking off before the thing? Yeah, I'm going to go snap off. You're already naked. Snap off is good. I like that. Snap off is good. No one's going to say, stop Jason Siegel. I think there's a difference between God a Boner and Went Soft and came and went soft. Okay.

The amount of rage in your body. Rage is the word you use. Rage. It's a podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of popular culture. Keep going. Isaac just left for the record. It's going to go snap one up. I think in most movies, when there is full frontal male nudity, it is not hyper comedic.

It's usually in a scene before or after sex. It's not funny anymore lately. But this one was hyper comedic. It's supposed to be kind of jarring. It's supposed to be something that you talk about after the movie. so if it would, I would argue if it was small, it also still would have been a talking point.

Yeah. It was kind of, it was kind of fucked up that it was as nice as it was. His might not, he's a big guy, maybe it doesn't get that small, you know? Maybe it's just kind of that size. Yeah, but then also maybe it doesn't get that big. Maybe it's one, maybe full shower all the time.

I like you when they're running. Running. Is that weird? What you're talking about? I think that's the funniest way. You want it flopping. Running dick? I think that's the funniest way for chair.

Like for comedy, I think that's the funniest way. I've, okay. Oh, who did it? Jennifer Lawrence did this. Yes, she did. She did a funny fight scene. Yeah. Yes.

The funniest thing to me with female nudity is if you're trying to do normal stuff and boobs you kind of get in the way. Oh, like those videos on Instagram or whatever. Yes. If you have. Yeah. Absolutely. What is this?

Just women fighting. Oh, okay. Yeah. Moves are always getting in the way. Fists swinging one way, boob swinging the other. There's a lot of fight videos on the internet. It'd be great if there's a UFC fight. who is like

at sort of like a pendulum situation where I swing the boobs too and my hips they just come out like Goro I like that Are there my name?

They come out like Goro Hi ponies you The highest ponies That's Ariana Grande Goro really got it Yeah Beat Aria Grande

to the punch Absolutely Because his shit's straight up Right Yeah And also nothing else Her mood board is Celine Dion and Goro

And that's it She's like I got it That's a bully move That's shaved straight up Yeah, yeah. I fear you if I see you coming at me like that. Yeah, I don't love it.

That looks like a warrior from a different time. Uh-huh. Yeah, definitely. If you have that. It looks like utilitarian haircut. Like a Dothrake's soldier. Yeah, yeah. I think, like, the funniest part of any sort of nude scene now is trying,

it is the juxtaposition of nudity plus trying to do something that you don't necessarily want to do naked. If you're like, it's the idea of, like, the big fear is everyone in college if you went and there was a dorm. If I get locked out of my room coming to or from the communal showers, funny, but also scary as fuck. That's the worry in college. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Did that happen to anybody?

Well, people would do it. People would lock you out. People would either lock you out or like take your towel on the way back to the room from the shower. Freshman year. Okay. We used to go in the center that we worked out and the showers were so deep that we'd just walk by and open shower curtains. Yeah. And just guys would flip out.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. No. Do I tell you about the time we turned our shower into a hot tub, which now looking back is like one of the least hygienic into a hot tub? Was there, what was the barrier that? So there was a big, so like it would be like a. You and Dana?

No, no, no. In college. I know that. I knew that. Just like last week. As you get further into a marriage, you need to find a waste of spice things. Yeah. I turned my bathtub into a hot tub house

by farting There was a, so you know There was like a wall There was an entry point And then there were like three showers In there with like little You know little barriers in between the three of them So we put like

I forget what it was I think just like a plywood board In front of the door And then just ran all three of the showers Until it filled up with water Oh my God But standing up Standing up

I've known you So how did it get pretty high That's a lot of water. You had to hop the board to get in. Did you have stairs? You set up some stairs? No, you just would like step over the board. Wait, you would step over in there.

Wait, like the undertaker entering in wrestling. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. You were pulling a big show. You'd hike it up. It was probably like three, four feet high. It wasn't crazy. It wasn't like all the way up. But like, they're crazy.

Four feet is crazy. We wore bathing juice or underwear. Getting into and out of a hot tub is crazy. Now, if you're thinking about the actual, because you know that moment when you've been in the hot tub long enough and you have, you have the stairs, but then you also have like the kind of slippery barrier of the hot tub. And when you start to, oh, I'm going to get out, you go, oh, hold it. Look at it. This is a little bit higher. And now I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you get in, you sit. You sink. You go, oh, this is fine. You get out to do one thing. You're like, shit. I've slipped. Some of those outdoor Midwestern hot tubs, you'll get out, like, you'll skip the stairs. I've beefed it so hard to get out.

Oh, yeah. He says Midwestern hot tub. He means the back of a pickup truck. Yeah. A lot of hot dogs Yeah, yeah A lot of hot dogs Yeah, who

You mean a cockpot, right? Wait a second We did a lot of stuff Yeah, you're cooking while you're in there Yeah, you're cooking up the vibe That's so nasty All I can think about is the old Bugs Bunny cartoons

Where they're chopping up carrots Yeah I just talked about this on Well I guess three weeks ago's episode But yeah that when he'd be in the stew And chopping up towards Wouldn't even know And be scrubbing

I should let our viewer Zach Harper is producing this episode Jay, this is our friend Zach Harper. Hello, Zach. Isaac had to go to a wedding, so Zach Harper is here. I didn't ask, Isaac, are you qualified to do this? I've, I have produced podcasts before. Okay.

Not with this equipment. Okay. No idea. Isaac made it sound like it was... He said, call me if it stops being red, so now I feel very stressed to look at that. No, it's red as hell. Yeah, it's red as hell right now. He just leaves in a suit.

Call me if anything fucks up. Yeah. Call me if it turns green. Also, because I came in late, I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out what you guys are drafting out. We haven't even started out of, what do you think? We could be drafted in full frontal dicks in media. Yeah, I thought like the best dicks in movies. That would be a fun one.

That's what it sounded like. Are there 20? Are there 20? They used to do it a lot more. I feel like they really drive as a country. We started going downhill when the watchman. That's a good one. You want to talk about a smoke show.

Dr. Manhattan. Yeah. That's what I call mine. Dr. Cronham? Or you call I call my Billy Crutup.

You're talking about the morning show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the morning show. Dr. Manhattan's a pretty good one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, wait a second. Okay, so you would pick Dr. Manhattan. If I, oh. No, if I had to pick the number one penis in a movie that I've seen. Yeah. What's the wine movie where he's running?

Oh. Oh, Sideways. Sideway. Yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. It's Thomas Hayden Church is Pemus, right?

Yeah. Oh, no, it's the dude who it's... It's a dude who he's having sex with his wife. Yes. And he runs out. Yeah. I think that we need more bodies that look real in movies. I love that.

Can Jackass count? Because that newest jackass where they use that they make the dick monster who's like the Godzilla. Oh, yeah, yeah. Pretty funny. I mean, they put a lot of dicks at the end of Superbad if that counts. Yeah. Oh, he's going to... The montage, because that, that was so many dicks, it was funny, not funny, and Bing got funny again.

Right. It really. I think you're hitting on, sorry to interrupt, I didn't mean to. With this seeing more penis, I think we need more penises because, like. I think it commodifies, like, because there's still, we, there's still so many boobs. We only, also, we only see porno dicks. Yeah. So, like, the only other dicks you see are, like, in a locker room potentially or porno dick.

Or seven feet long. So, like, you only see the borks. biggest dicks. Locker rooms are the tiny locker rooms are like that too. I haven't seen a smoke, like a hog in the locker room. In this, dude. I've seen a hog in the locker room. Go to the Y downtown Denver.

There's this guy. See some razor bags. On a Tuesday. Okay, David, I'm going to let you know what you are doing is cruising now. No, I was working out. No, what you are doing, you're telling other people, man, you got to go. You should. It's like Randy Johnson and all his cousins in there.

What you're doing? She's being like, hey, man, I got the tip for you. You want to have a good time. You want to see some road cruising a little bit. You don't know what big units there? There's a, yeah, Randy Johnson and all his cousins. There's a guy, Savi Island. You probably heard about this guy.

Oh, yeah. I know him. Yeah. He's just like this tan dude with a, just a knee knocker. He's there all the time. At the nude beach. He's glistening. I'm spoiled because I do kind of, I get to see a lot of dicks.

Yeah. Either, like, online or like, if I go to. to Fire Island if I go to Hallover Beach in Florida if I go to Gunnison in Jersey. So I've seen like a lot of dicks. Wait, what are these places you're named? These are nude beaches. Gunnison doesn't sound like a fun one to go to. Just the name

It's fun. It's fun. I've been in Gunnison Colorado. Yeah. That's the only Gunnison I know and that ain't nude. So the nude beach in Gunnison, Jersey it's a, unfortunately it is named Sandy Hook, but it's a completely different Sandy Hook. No, no, no, no, it's okay. Completely different. Okay.

But Even the other Sandy Hook deserves not to just be defined by that. Yeah, yeah, but I mean, listen. They're like we're also a nude beach, you can see some blocks. There's some in Portland. I've been to one, the Salvi Island one.

A lot of the hot springs, people are just naked. I've been naked there. I also seen dudes in sweatsuits, drinking beers on the beach a couple times. That always weirds me. I don't like that. Nude beaches, unless they're explicitly queer and they have a queer history,

there's this divide. Because some people are at the nude beach because it's kind of hot. And then there's another libertarian, RFK Jr. level of, like, sinner-right kind of like freedom person who they're at the beach because that's the most free thing you can do.

And they don't want to wear clothes or pay taxes. Those people, it's never about horning this for them. There's a different, there's a different energy. I kind of like that. Yeah. I think that's pretty cool. And they do let you know they're straight very quickly. Oh, really?

Yeah, because they go, this is my lady. Yeah. They go, she looks good, right? Is she nude? She's naked. She's fully naked. It's hard to feel more naked. Because naked and nude are different.

Nah, she's naked. There are E2K. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. E2K? Yeah, shout out to Armario. That's my favorite case. But to answer your question, Zach, I think we're doing Australian wildlife. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, that is what we're talking about. Our guest today is the wonderful stand-up comedian, Jay Jordan, and actor, stand-of-com comedian, actor, Jay Jordan. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. This comes out in late November? I think May. I want to say this comes out of. This is a Thanksgiving episode.

We're so grateful you're here. I love Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving? Food? I think food. Macy's Parade. Yeah, I love them both.

I watch them both. Yeah. And I look at the new floats and I see just how old I am by if I recognize anything. Dude, that is so real. I go, okay. I go, Goku got blue hair. I know that's going on. All right.

That's boom. No, it's Goku. Goku, you'll unlock the new level. I go, okay, I know about this. They'll show a children's program. I go, is this for kids? I'm old. If this is for kids, it's good for them.

Yeah. If this dog is teaching them how to read. Bluey, I think, is firmly in the... Bluey's huge. You Bluey? She hasn't started yet, no. Oh, okay, yeah. Okay, but Bluey's huge.

That was a strange reaction you had. Yeah, you really? Yeah, I was trying to think of a joke. Couldn't think of one. And then is it appropriate, it wasn't. No, did you get nice coffee? You did. I did.

I had also woke up at 5 and flew here this morning. Whoa, thank you for coming. Oh, it's my job. Oh, Bluey is connected to Australia? Yes. Yeah? And it's a girl. If we want to segue, yeah?

Yes, yeah, people don't talk about that enough. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Zach's connected to Australia. Oh, yeah. How? What's going on? What do you mean? My sister's a guess. I'm a guess. Oh. Oh. For how long?

I thought you were secretly indigenous. Oh, no. I'm super white. I thought he was a bleak fella. I thought he was a bleak fella. That would be a big secret. Did we get him in here? We can hollered, Ziggy, dude. Look at his face.

I see him. I'll see a little. Not the first time. There's a little rabbit-proof fence. It's not the first time. Black people. I've got this a lot of view with this. My roommate in college, who was black, was like, you're black, right?

And I'm like, not even a little. I've heard people, when you're not there, Zach's like, I'm just from Sacramento. Just from Sacramento. Sharpie and you, though. People just thought on Reddit that you and Sharpie were black. Both of you. Which is funny.

But you know what black people love? to do when we see a white person we go, what's this nose situation? Okay. I get complimented on my nose a lot. I'm telling you. Women, they're like, oh, you have the ideal, like, that's what a nose job would become. I'm seeing...

Just a smaller version, but on women. Oh, really? I get that a lot in L.A. Because it's like a cute upturn. You have a cute nose. Thank you. No, but I see Jackson 5 in that nose a little bit. Yeah. Oh, little Michael. Yeah. All right. I'll be there. Yeah. So I have to change because he changed it. I'm not. I'm not

saying that you need to look into anything but you know sometimes people lie to their kids and those lies continue I've done I've done ancestry yeah how far back I mean centuries did the word sub-Saharan appear anywhere I don't believe so okay

did anyone say Italian because they thought they could get away with something I've done that a lot I have a buddy Sicilian I have a buddy who thought he was all the way black a quarter Italian I'll tell you right I'll tell you right now

The Sicily situation to me is fascinating because that's technically an African island Sicily. You know Cicely Cicely Cicin. That's the full name of the island. That's Cicely Tyson Island. What are they talking about the old country? The old country.

It's just the old black woman. That's David, that's literally in my new hour. It's Cisley Tyson. Island. Sizzley? Go watch the island. Go watch the hour. That's...

Is it on tour right now. Sizzley ties an island. Okay. Oh, man. Is she married to Miles Davis? Yeah. Right? I'm the guy who would know that.

What is she? You're the one who... You're the jazz guy. I'm the jazz guy. Just in case you thought you were going to come in here and be the jazz guy? Yeah. I'm sorry. He insults it.

The real jazz guy. He's a jazz guy. I'm the full frontal guy. He's the weapons expert. You can be literally in a lot. Okay, that's right, right, okay. We're putting together a heist. Yeah.

I am the weapons expert. Median are useless for use. Guys, I think this is Bill Evans. I'm just like basic instincts. Sliver. Sean's in there beating the shit of the people. We're sitting in the car. But you know what you know what's good about movies?

Both of y'all's special interests would come in handy. The way we're right now. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't see it first, but like... A hacker would be like, I can't figure out of this password. And Ian would look around and see a bunch of photos and be like, wait a second, this guy seems to love... Type in Art Tatum.

Wait, what would mine happen? You, okay, there'd be a front desk clerk that would be gay and y'all would start talking about your favorite dicks for movies. And you would distract him so people could get into it. Okay. And then I would be like, hey, have you ever... seen. And then it would end with him being like... You get him with Vince Gallo. It would end with him being like,

we're gonna hook up, right? And you'd be like, oh, no, I just love dicks and movies. Yeah, no, I'm just a fan. I'm a raw fan. We're gonna hook up, right? And you're like, I already fucked you. And then we're leaving with the money.

Oh, and that's how they got those paintings out of the Louvre. That's right. That is. That's exactly what they did. Uh, bro, I, by the way, yes. I've been to the Louv.

I felt like I could drink some food. For sure. Whoa. I've been in there, it's not, it's not like tight. Hold on, let me make sure I'm understanding right. You think you could rob something from the Louvre? Yeah. But where are you taking it back to a place in Paris and then you're flying back to America?

I'm just saying I think I could get something out of the loop. I don't think I could. You know that I, you know, I have a lot of confidence in things you think I shouldn't. I do know that. Yeah. I think I could take the Mona Lisa. No, that's crazy. What?

It's so small. It's so small. It's pretty fine. It's the most popular one there. You take the glass with it. But when you're there. Like no one's ever thought of that. Hey.

It's locked on the water. Now people can think it. 80 people. Only if you can do it. You're right. When you're in there, there's so many people. Exactly. I have a misdirection.

Can we like, can we think about this and add one extra thought? Are you selling it afterwards? Because you just like, I, my, in, okay, in my fantasy, it's probably like I'm going for private collector. I got commissioned to take it. Got it. You know what I would like?

You know what I would like? I would like that I got commissioned from its country of origin to take it from the French. Italy. Oh. Mona Lisa. Italy, right?

No, I'm not talking about that. I don't think I could take it. I'm talking about one of the small ones. I'm talking about, I'm not talking about Mona Lisa. I'm just saying there was a lot of rooms in the Louvre. I was in by myself.

Yeah. Nobody looking for a long time. And I know that because I was high as shit. Yeah, yeah. You're going to get the beneath masks. You're going to put it in. You're just going to put it in like an Amazon box you brought in with you? Yeah, I mean, a swing bag.

You put it in it and you stuff it into a baguette. Whoa. Because you're going to have a baguette. You got a hollow baguette. What you do is you Thomas Crane. You go to Paris, everybody's got a hollow baguette. That's how they walk around on the street out there. They use them like backpacks.

They fill them up with groceries. Well, they like, I mean, because they respect baguette culture so much, they do like throw them out. Like they people just walk around with them for real though Just to keep the cultural life Alright You'll know you'll see Yeah I'll find out one of these days

Man I love their bread though I do it's good bread I love their bread I love their kissing Yeah French kissing French bread Oh my god what else French French fries bro Oh yes

I'm like those kids who podcast Oh yeah French toys I heard sixes and sevens in the wild last I've never heard it my life You mean six seven Six seven yeah Yeah I'm in sixes and sevens Harper, this is going to be new for you, but cut that out.

No, no, all sixes and sevens is like old-timey British slang for things being crazy. I kept saying it to the, so I heard these kids say it and then all these kids will walk by, I'd be like, happy Halloween, six-seven. Wow. Six-seven. You didn't even do the, yeah, the sing-songy. I don't know what to do. Six-seven. I just heard it for the first time for real.

Well, late now. If you had heard, I'm at six and sevens with you in the wild, I think that would have been more remarkable. Yeah. Yeah, that would just that means you were at. the tea party with the Matt Hatter and the March hair. Yeah. And why weren't we there if that's the case? I texted. His name was Sean Jordan, Sean Cookeger, Mel and Jordan on Instagram. December 22nd, Healing Comedy Club, Portland, Oregon,

Sean Jordan Holiday Show. Come, it's going to be fun. We're going to do a variety show, some fun guests, some sketches, some games. Maybe I'll be there. In the crowd. Do you all be there? Maybe I'll be there. Maybe I'll be there. I'm going to buy a ticket. I'm going to buy a ticket. Do I compliment you on this jacket? Yeah, on the way in. It's a great jacket. Thank you very much. It's a great, I grew up watching the great Rashid Wallace-era Trailblazers, Damon Stademeyer. Absolutely. Steve Smith.

People love a three-pointer for Steve Smith. People don't know this about me because they think I'm super faggy. I love early 2000s NBA because I was trying to offset some of the faggy, the faggy accusations. I think there's room present, brother. You can see a lot of me bouncing around in those shorts. There's no reason that the two should not be. Okay. Also,

Shout out to Rashid Wallace, one of the greatest ball spots of all time. Perfect. And also, also, just has a reputation for being a cantankerous, old, mean man on the court.

Off the court, probably pretty nice. I heard the sweetest man off the court. But on the court, they're like, he was so damn mean. Yeah, yeah. really think it infiltrated my generation of Portlanders in a probably ultimately negative way. Really? Like the jailblazers era?

A lot of sass. That's what you're talking about. Yeah. Not the, not the weed smoking, none of the other stuff. Just the Rashid Wallace sass, I feel like where you're like, well, I'm just doing, pulling a Rashid out here. I like that. That and Ivan Carmel. And my mom, frankly. My mom, my dad, and Rashid Wallace, three people. Three huge

things to happen. Three. Three huge things. But for me personally, I'm talking about what made you a dick. I'm talking about three people who would yell at a ref. Oh, yeah. People who would yell at her up? For sure. Rashid Wallace, my mom and my brother.

My mom and my dad. Who would all scream at a referee. All three of them for sure. I saw my mom go Rashid on some Nordstrom's employees. And she was a Nordstrom employee. That's the referee of the mall. Do you understand how wild you have to be to get a technical in Nordstrom? In Nordstrom?

She got teeth up in North. Man, you got to get a TV. I don't even usually do this. Steve Jaffe came out. Yeah. They got a sinner. That's funny. I'm gonna be I if with your blessing I'm gonna jump up on stage yeah it's gonna be a fun one it'll be a good show come out it'll be fun uh good vibes good vibes great vibes I'll throw it out there great vibes I'm stoked I'm gonna play the vibraphone yeah you jazz dude told you yeah I'm gonna take a vi vance yeah I'm not gonna be what is vibe vance a vibe vance a vibe vance yeah full frontal is that year 6-7 full frontal full frontal full frontal full frontal full frontal

I couldn't do that to those kids. I was a full front. No. No, you can't do that. Danny. No. You can't. That's why it won't catch on his because you can't tell anybody about it.

I haven't found the group yet. I mean, like, also, I'm so, that is the first, apparently, that's one of the first big gen alpha. Gen Z doesn't understand 6'7 as much as gen alpha does. It's truly like, two generation. And it means nothing. It's meaningless. I'm on the tail end of a millennial. What were ours?

Did we have? I think we had shit that didn't make any sense. Our shit made sense. So I think we had like that's what she said type shit. Well, we also, we had a was, we did, we was up to death. Oh, we did. But that was from a commercial. Yeah.

Yeah. But there's always an origin of these things. We were quote family guy in the Simpsons and South Park and like that was a little easier to figure out the origin. We were all like six old people last night trying to figure out. And my wife goes, I think it's from a. rap song and I go, I don't... It is from a rap song.

What song? It's from... Scrilla? Scrilla? That guy from Philly? Yeah. Have you guys heard the song? No, I've heard the audio of the song on TikToks that then kind of reference it.

Okay. So you do have to be TikTok brain-pilled to get to it. It's from a Scrilla song? It's Lamello Ball and a Scrilla song, right? Well, the one way that it's taken is like Lamello Ball is 6-7. Yeah. So then now it also kind of stands in place of like when you want a reference it. reference lamello ball. Also, see, that's what I'm saying. It's like, it's connected to so many

internet brain rot things for Gen Alpha that for us to even get to it, we have to sift through all of that. I have to do homework. My teenage niece and nephews told me, and like I believe them, like, it's just me, it means nothing and that's the point. Yeah, that's what I like about it. There's a nihilism there. Yeah, that's randomly do it. You can do it about anything. And so nothing really has to happen. Anytime someone says six or seven, you get stuck in traffic. You know, okay. How tall is jello ball? That's my question. Six-three. I was going to say, we had D's nuts.

Yes. We had these nuts. These nuts was the answer to everything and anything. But to me, that was from, like, the chronic. That was... Dees-knows. No, but D-Nuts didn't get popular in middle school in high school. D's nuts certainly weren't popular in high school.

Both of these nuts. These nuts didn't really get popular until I started to stand up. They didn't even have popular, as gracious, I think, well-liked. I think a strong community. The Discover card of balls where it's like, oh, I think it's somewhere. But do you want, you don't want these nuts popular in middle school, because that means you were molested. Yeah, yeah, that's too much. Because if someone knows about sex enough to always be like, oh, let's have sex, you go, someone touched you or I'm getting touched?

Well, some of us were having sex in middle school. I had sex one time in middle school. one time with the Fugis in seventh grade David Borgia's here Cool Guy Joke 77 on Instagram Snick at an end

This is I mean You seem fine But I am Wow I'm working on it He So this is We've talked about this a lot on here

Sean was a lot cooler Than he wants us to think he was Got I got it Yeah Yeah He's like Oh I was just like Oh I was just like

Oh I was just Just taking baths with my mom. But he was fucking. He was in a gang. Wow. I tried to start a gang. I tried to start a gang. I did.

I tried to start a gang. What was the name? Okay. So I was in middle school. This had to be seventh grade. I didn't know what I was trying to actually do was have a wrestling stable. But I tried to start a gang. Jay, Jerry.

Forgive me. What did you grow up? I grew up in Jackson, Mississippi. Okay. When you say wrestling stable I wanted to have like some promo and I would be like Me and my boys about to turn up on y'all

I didn't want to I want to do gang activities before like a crowd I was like yeah I got the click with me Run up on us and see what happened I see you I'm trying to Mrs. Henderson's algebra class brother I just wanted to have a wrestling stable and cut promo That's great

What was the name going to be? The clique. I stole it from Kevin Nash. Oh, I thought you sold from E-40. No, so I stole it. Like a shot, be legit. So, like, it was when I was really into wrestling, and I found out before DX, there was, like, the click with, like, Diesel and Sean Michaels. And so I was like, oh, yeah, we've the new clique, like, in middle school. The new click is cool.

Yeah, yeah, we're the clique. The new click is cool. And a rival gang, like, did pop up, and they were, like, larger boys. And I was like, we don't got to fight. I was like, oh, we got to fight. What were they called? They, I mean, they were just. a gang.

They were just a real good. That was when the men met the boy. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of them were, I think a lot of them were baby vice lords. And so at that point,

yeah, that's what we ran into. We thought we were Crips. Yeah. And then we ran into bigger dudes. Who might have been actual something? Yeah, yeah. I just, I quit the Crips. Yeah, yeah.

That's crazy. You were Cripped and you wearing a Pairoo hat now. That's crazy. Who all was in the clique? It was me, my two friends were twins, Evan and Eric. We were... That's a wrestler.

Can't have a guy in Evan, though. Shout out to Badass Twins. Yeah, yeah. I don't think they make twins like they used to make them in the 90s anymore. I haven't seen a bad. My nephews are twins. Neither one of them were a badass. They're very sweet.

But you remember like badass twins? Yeah, yeah. Like the Weasleys. Yeah. Screw face. Screw face. Holy cow. The Weasle.

That's a badass twin. They were. They got keyed out of school. Yes, they did. Yeah. Yes, they did. That's bad. They started a magic shop, which feels like trapping.

Yeah. I think it is. I think he is. Trapping in Harry Potter. Wait, dates. Hold on one second. I do want to hear the rest of the click. Yes.

You, the twins. Yeah, yeah. My good friend, I want to say this is not a gang name, but Ryder. Did you call them the twins? You're like, me and the twins are coming over. Yeah, but me and the twins.

You don't believe me? Go ask the twin. Motherfucker. I mean, it gets even crazy because we stayed friends so long that then in high school, I also tried to start a rap group and they were the producers of a couple of tracks.

Twin producers? Well, it gets crazier. Please, no one get mad at me. I do live in New York now and I respect the tragedy that did occur. They were both a little bit taller so they were called Twin Towers Productions. Yeah, absolutely.

That's not crazy, though. Well, it was post 9-11. That's crazy. How post? I mean... It wasn't right after. Okay, I think you're all right. There was some distance.

Okay. We could say it's Ralph Samson in Akeem Elisho on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What their wrestlers named the Twin Towers? Am I making that up? There might have been. They had like a bunch of tall guy tag team.

I think a lot of stuff was called the Twin Towers before. A lot of stuff. I mean, they called Tim Duncan and David Robinson Twin Towers. Yeah. There were Twin Towers. Man, I forgot about David Robbins. Okay. You forgot about David Robinson?

I really did. Oh, man. David Robinson, I love him, but he also like really did represent. You wanted to, I've never seen someone who was more the face of, like, respectability politics for black men. Yeah, David Robinson. Yeah. Clean cut, shape up, mustache,

fundamentals, never talked any smack allegedly. But like, was it. No tattoos. No tattooed. No. His name was just David Robinson. Yeah. No nickname. Oh, the admiral. The admiral. The admiral sucks. No.

I had the nickname. I hate it. I like. I think the admiral is up there with the Joker as far as nicknames I hate. The Joker's a lifestyle, buddy. Yeah, and that's why it sucks. Who lost to the Portland Trailblazers last night? Relax. This is interesting.

Yes, I hate that. I hate that nickname. And my new personality this year, starting last year, but starting this season, is I want to be a better Knicks fan. Oh, and I've only said, I've only said, I've only said, no, no, here's the thing. The Knicks. What are you going to yell, we outside? No, I'm not like, I'm not a Bing Bong, you know, fuck your life, Nick's fan. Big Bon, fuck your life.

I'm not a bing bong, fuck your life, Nick's fan. I like Josh Hart. I think Josh Hart is funny. He's great. I think he's funny. Josh Hart's fantastic. I love a funny NBA player.

I think Jalen Brunson, we got to work on some media training and some personality for him. He's boring, but he's a great player. I love a small, I love a small tenacious basketball player because I'm not six feet.

And whenever I call them small, they're like, you smile, I go, well, you smile for the NBA. Yeah. It's all context. Yeah. How do you think?

feel about Carl Anthony Towns? Oh, yes. Let's get there. Listen, listen. That is exciting. Okay, he doesn't like it, but I love, I love making him a sassy icon. Yes. He probably hates it, but everyone goes Big Cat Purr.

Like, everyone who likes Car Anthony Towns also loves the fact that every now and then he's like, and like the whole time. Yeah. I like making fun of Sassy Carthetowns. I know he don't like it, but I think it's fun. I think it's part of the package I think he needs to embrace it I think he should do

That's all I think about when I think about it You should like the brow You never even think of Anthony Davis Anthony Davis didn't get mad He said I don't got a unibrow Yeah He went I got one He's like I'm the brow

Yeah he should be like I'm a sassy cat Yeah Wait Oh is it my date Can I do my day? Yes December 12th and 13

I'm going to be at sports drink in New Orleans And I haven't even told you guys this December 3rd through 10th I'm going to be in Tokyo and I'd like to do state Wow. With your brothers?

Yeah. Nice. That's awesome, dude. We just got the tickets. Man, I'm happy for you. I got some spots for you. I got some. I got some.

I wanted to go see sumo. Well, did David's famous love or hate sushi? No, it's just Japan. Oh, okay. It's just the dumbest. You know what they got out of there? You know what I've seen? There's no tournament.

You should check a hello kitty. You also want to go to Mount Fuji. Yeah. I don't know why I did it like that. I like that. You slipped. I slipped. Mount Fuji.

I was doing. in-the-house stuff out of the house. Foo-Gee. You can say Foo-Gee. I have one, I literally have one joke at my special where I do slip into that. Every time I do like the fact that we should acknowledge that, like, black people can do something that is racialized towards other people. And we can be like, hey, man, chill out. What was that?

I have a whole bit about how we should do accents now. I don't think we do accents. Okay, but here's my basis on it. Okay. You go everywhere else. That's what humor is. Yeah. It's making fun of how people talk.

True. It's only Americans who have this weird, it's offensive thing. You ever met another culture that doesn't like to do Americans? They all do it. Everybody doesn't. I'll put it on my credit card. It's like the base of humor. Just to go back for a second, what if you see Praz on Mount Fuji? You got to ask for a picture.

Praise? Is he hanging up? Praise, Whitecliffe. Oh, you motherfuckerf. I would have. taking me so long. I thought you I didn't know

what was enough I thought I didn't move to Japan it's like it's just island culture it's just island culture

wow wait a second yeah the Japanese Fuji's now is blowing my mind yeah

if any and I'm not going to sing it because this bit these bits are not out yet that's right

you're doing a little more time in the kitchen I'm doing it in my head I'm singing Guantanamara as a Japanese

person in my head right now I think if any culture could recreate the Fujis. You know, like, when we started seeing a lot of, like, South Korean rappers and, like, we started to see a lot of K-pop artists kind of just do their impression of Tenasha.

Isaac, he'd be so bummed. He wasn't here for this. He's South Korean. Okay. Yeah. Remember when Itchy Ma came out? That was a big time for me. Did you remember that song? The song, Itchy Ma. Underwater Squad. Yeah. No. You really don't remember that time? What is that from? A.S. Fergs on it. There's a bunch of people on it.

Do you remember that song? I'll be adding it to a point of one. I remember Aesop Furg. Yeah, Itchy Ma's, that's a cool song. Keith Ape, that was his name. Yes. Keith Ape. Me and Keith Ape looking for a currency exchange.

I don't know that one. But that was that was. I remember Shabarex. It was very IG and very TikTok. That song was it? Yeah. I don't think I had TikTok when that song came out. I think it was very IG because I remember that's how like everything pops off now.

Some stuff can happen organically, but I think a song has to have a big enough audience on like a short form video content platform and then you'd be like oh we love this song oh I found it I found it just on YouTube clicking around I'm I used to really be good at finding stuff early on you

I found I found FettieWOP He found FettieWOP early I found Trap Queen under a million views Wow that is I mean that is impressive because I thought I like blinked and it was a million views

Yeah yeah I was early on Lizzo The first time that truth hurts made the spun spun the block I almost just said. So Lizzo open for atmosphere like 15 years ago or something. What? Did you really? Yeah. I mean maybe not 15, 10 years ago. It was a forever ago.

I'm supposed to go to a panic room with Lizzo and I cleaned my room instead. That's right. I got to go to a panic room with Lizzo and somebody else. What could she be fucking comedians? No, I didn't even think I was going to fuck. Oh. Does she be? Yeah. Does she be? She be. She be.

Sound whiter We're just over Oh, she beat She beat Does she be Does she be? Are you speaking of Japanese? The man

Who made our flyer for tour Is with Lizzo What? Mike Wright Really? Yeah Yeah, I mean He designed a tour flyer.

Yeah, but they were They were together for a long time I don't know what's going now But Oh, wow, Wow, Lizzo, all right Underwater Squat It's your mom

Jay Jordan is here Hello. Yes. Yeah, special on Hulu. It's called Yes, ma'am. I'm also on tour. I will be in Houston in December. This comes out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the punchline. And then I'll also be in Austin. I'll also be in Philly in January. Check out Jay Jordan on all social media. You can catch your dates. And the hour is different than the special. Completely different.

Let's go. I'm not double dipping. I ain't scamming, y'all. No. Did you lay down any tracks when you were a rapper? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I used to.

I used to... Can we get them anywhere? I don't know if you can still get them, but I do have... I have a few songs that we definitely recorded. When I say songs, I don't mean like full, like, verse, like, chorus, but I mean, like, I would do, like, a freestyle

over a beat that either they made or one of the popular beats of the time. Yeah, that's great. One of the things I would always do I'd accidentally say something gay in the raps before I was out. Jay? I remember...

That's so fun. I got a need That's so funny Before I was like I imagine the twins looking at each other Like did he just Yeah I remember at one

There are three instances That I very much remember Being like Jay this is You are I wasn't even out to myself As much as I wanted to be But I was like you can't tell them yourself There was one line

Where I was like This is so silly I was like, we're rolling with a bad team and we're making mad cream and I got pumps in the closet like drag queens and so I was like, well, Nick,

the twins are like, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. Cut, cut, cut. We know, we know, we know you're saying we have shotguns in the closet. But did we have to say it like that? Jay, you got to be clearer. Did we say it like that? Do we have to say it like that?

That's so funny. Do we have to do it? That's so funny. And then there were two other very famous penis situations with my rap career. Who are drafting them. When I was in high school,

we were battle rap this other group. How's a penis gonna get in this? Okay, so we were battle wrap this other group every now and then called the major minors. And they were like older than us. They had put out...

The minors were older than you? And you guys were what was here? Did you have a crew name? So this... You and the twins? No, so me and my friend Christian and my friend Jonathan Brown, we had Trey Deuce.

We were like, that's all right, right? 32, O.J. Simpson, we're killing it. So, trade dues versus the major minors. This was at William B. Moore High School in Jackson. We're talking about my rap career. You missed, though. You did say the funniest thing. One of the funniest things I've ever heard.

I used to accidentally come out in my rap. Just to, I don't want to repeat it again, but I had this one line that I thought was so cool. It is cool. That's the thing about the pumps thing. It is a very cool, even rap line. trying to intimate that we had guns hidden. And I said, rolling with a bad team and we make it mad cream.

And we got pumps in the closet, like drag queens. But my producer is like, well, okay. I know what you're saying. That is cool. He is spitting. Yeah. And so then I was telling. You went deep.

You were like Paris was burning. And my big trigger finger is yours. Hey, what is this? Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm going to see you soon, NG. Devani's room. Yeah, good.

Okay. I don't, all right. Call me Stonewall the way I'd be throwing these bricks. Yeah. Of cocaine. Of cocaine, of course. Yeah. So then I was telling me there were two other penis-related incidences when it came to my rap

career, which is too, too many. I think it's enough that you probably knew where you were going to go after that. There was one rap battle in the men's room against this other rapper named Cod, Cawd Jefferson. And Cora was like super cool. Is that just his name? His name was core. Yeah, his name was core. Not the same core, Jefferson.

This is important. Not like Jackson, Jefferson. Not the famous one. Okay, cool, Jack. There's a guy named Cord at our high school. And he was like, he was cool. He was cool and everyone. His hands, I mean, he was funny.

And so I remember we were like, he, he was rapping. And I said, oh, okay. This is the bathroom? Did it just happen in the bathroom? Or did you go to the bathroom to do it? They said, oh, you got to go battle rap. They freest down the bathroom. You got to go rap.

And I was like, for, they're like, go. And so I went and on the way there I was like thinking of stuff because as a freestyleer you can like you can pre-plan some stuff and have a connecting phrase but also like be in the moment

and so I said okay I got something for him and for chords specifically I remember I remember saying my flow's incredible Hulk it's stronger than you your girl call me extension cord because I'm longer than you and they were like oh my God

but then my hell's like why was I worried about this man's dick well that's pretty they're still pretty worried about that battle rapid You're going is gay as hell. Battle rapping is super gay. A match of the wits.

Exactly. It's barely least Victorian. And then this is how I knew I was talking about other guys' penises too much because then another battle rap I did say, a flow like this, you ain't never seen this. You got as much flow as you got a penis. That's crazy. The drawing out, really. They were like, Jay, you really chewed those syllables.

You made a meal out of that one. I don't know. Now, now, now you have talked about Diggs too much. Fingers in his mouth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So those, that was my story rap career. That's so sick, dude.

And, like, I could, but I was just, you know, precursor to comedy. I was just trying to come up with funny ways to say things. More so than, like, being the actual rapper. Hey, shout out to the twins, though. Yeah, shout out to the twins. My name is Ian Carmel. I have nothing to promote. Nothing.

Buy my book, T-shirt, Swim Club. December 22nd, Portland Oregon. I'll be on the state with Sean, December 22nd in Portland, Oregon. Come see us. We'll go see David at Sports Drink first, and then we might be coming back to the... We are, right?

We're for sure. Yeah, well, we'll talk about it at dinner tomorrow night. You guys give a shit. We're coming back to New Orleans. Yeah, coming back to New Orleans. Sports Drink Festival, so come see that. And there might be some other stuff in the works. I don't want to use my time to say Jay Jordan

is an incredibly, incredibly funny stand-up comedian. If you're somehow to know him, check out the special. Go see him on the road. What a phenomenal thing. Thank you. Bring a little battle. Get in it.

Come in, yeah, yeah. I'll dust off my rap skills if you want to. I'm going to charge you. You will have to pay to battle me, but we can do it. We're going to, we're going to fantasy draft. Do you think battling as you get older, I never saw a cool battle after the age of maybe 20? No, there's tons. There's tons online.

I mean, like, I. But in real life. Oh, you mean in real life. I stopped seeing it after that age. I also get sick of it. Like, there was an age where I was just sick of people rapping it. Like, people don't talk about, to me, you rapping at a party, it's the same as an acoustic guitar. A hundred percent.

It's the same. I had about a month where I would try. It's the same exact thing to me where I'm like, shut the fuck up. These girls don't like it. You're ruining everybody. We're going to say it. It is kind of on the chart of things that qualify scaring the hose. in a hundred percent

because that's what you're doing because what happens is like there's a bunch of people dancing there's some ass being thrown and what you say is no stop all that I'm gonna get into it with this dude real quick me and this guy yeah we want to challenge our rapier wit

against each other the rapping is so scary and the we were at me and my girl were at John Legend at the Hollywood Bowl having a great time he brings out clips I'm saying that ruins the whole whole five. I'm sitting next to my girl.

My girl's like, did he just say cried tears of pain? And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. I wanted him to give me a green light. I would like to see clips. I would like to see, but the best rappers are kind of bad live and you're not the best rapper doing it at a party. Yeah, yeah, truly, truly. Yeah.

Because like every rap girl, like eventually is like, oh, I'll learn some choreography. I'll put together really good show. Every rap boy is like, no. I'll just get more dudes. I'll bring more friends on stage. The only guy, and he's done so many bad things, but I will give him this. The only rap er recently that I've seen, who is a man who actually tried a little bit, Offset, learned some choreography.

He loves Michael Jackson. He danced a little bit when he was on tour, promoting his solo project. He was also cheating quite a lot on Cardi B, so I know everyone's going to get mad at me, but Offset did. That's different, though. Offset did dance. Kanye's live shows were amazing, too, because they were a spectacle. Have you ever seen Tyler?

Have you ever seen Tyler? I've seen Tyler. Great. See? Yeah. Great, great, great. There's some, but there's a lot of bad ones. Jay was good live, too, I thought.

I was good live. Yeah, Jay's always good life. Jay, Z, Jordan, Annie. It was weird, and Metsa opened up. Yeah. We didn't see that part. For you. Okay.

Outside the venue. Memphis Bleak was in the crowd. Bleak. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you. Throw on shoot. All right. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. Oh, David wins. an unnatural victory, paper against two scissors. As the winner, David, is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it was a serpentine draft. And what is that?

It's a great question. Is it like a shiatsu massage where you do this? You go, could be, could be. Yeah. Is that a shiatsu? I think so. The chopin massage? I think it's the chopin massage. That's it. Chapa style. One of the best ones I thought of in a long time. That was really good. I was excited about that one. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. David, with that in mind, what would the order of today's draft be? Let's just go around the couch. We'll start with Sean, though, and come over. Oh, start with me. Sean Ian. Sean never starts.

David is the order of today's draft. I usually finish. We are drafting Australian Wildlife, and we're going to get to that first pick, which is Sean's right after this short break. What's happening? This episode of All Fantasy, everything is brought to you by Bubbs.

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cook just got better. Go to hellofresh.com slash all fantasy 10 FM now to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life, one per box with active subscription. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash all fantasy 10 FM to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything already in progress. We love Chop Chop. She loves Chop Chop. Even without Isaac, you did it. Good job. By the way, can I just say before we get into this? This list was so much deeper than I thought it was in here. It's deep. It was such a good. The bench is insane. It's crazy. I learned a

lot of glory and terror. Isolated island. Things were left that were supposed to be. stink things, got huge things, got small. It's an insane place if you actually look at the phone. Where did the topic idea come from? Yeah, what inspired? I have two bits about Australian animals in my special. Yes, ma'am.

And I did that section on the Tonight Show. I talked about koalas and I talked about echidnas. Very funny. So that's where it came from. They'll both come up. I wanted to tie it into that, yeah. Sean, you have the first pick. Kangaree. Kangare. Whoa. Kangis.

Kangis. Okay. Congaree. Do we... Menaces. Okay, I'm gonna... Now, okay, there's a bunch of conglies. Yes, there are.

That's a good point. I'm picking the one that we're thinking of. The red one that punched that guy? Are you thinking big red or are you thinking gray? I'm thinking the ones that people fight where they're like, hey, let go my dog. Okay. That's a gray.

That's a gray. Well, because the grays aren't in the desert. And the grays are the ones that are closer like the grass and the water. Yeah, I'm picturing the big buff ones. The big red. The red ones are buffs? Are they? There's Eastern gray.

There's red antelopine. Let's say Eastern gray. There's big ones, little ones. You want to mean, you just want the biggest kangaroo? The biggest one is red. Yeah. Okay, big red. Red kangaroo.

Oh, they're the buff ones. They're the ones with the arm veins. Yeah, they're all sinewy and like they would, they look like they would, that's who I'd want the twins to be. They look, here's a thing. There's a thing. There's a thing. And kangaroos, they have, they look like old men at the Y. Yeah, I know what you mean

That was like that old buff Yeah And David is insinuating Hanging rope as well I've never seen a kangaroo penis Those arms like those I worked my whole life On these and this is what I got arms Oh you know kangaroo penis

I always think about kangaroos Do you know Jeff Tice? No He's a he's a comic He grew up in Australia And he has the funniest story about When he was in Australia They just used to kill kangaroos a lot

Well they're dear to them Yeah yeah yeah So they killed kangaroos They fed him to the dogs whatever, he came to America and his first day at school, his teacher was like, oh, can you tell us a fun thing you guys like to do in Australia? He's just like, we just kill kangaroos. He said everybody thought he was like, it was like everybody was like, what the fuck's wrong? The other kids start crying. Yeah, the 13. The first thing, the know that happens right after that, they go, okay, so this is the

counselor. Yeah, yeah, you got a, just have a, we would just do this with a lot of the kids. with they're new. But also, I'm not killing deer like that. But people in the South are. Like, hunting. A lot of people are.

There are. Dudes are killing deer. Hunting. I get, he was saying they would like hunt kangaroos. Yeah. Well, I think they would just kill them like they were menace,

like to say, you know what I mean, the way you kill any. Pretty wild. There's so much cooler than deer. I mean, because, to do that to them.

They don't have, but they don't have deer. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm right, though. No. No. I know.

It would just so. boring to me because I grew up in the Midwest. It would feel crazy to kill a kangaroo because we only know them as pop culture figure. Yeah. And because the top looks like a guy. Yeah. It doesn't like a guy. That's really to be what it's crazy. Like from chin to, I guess, belly button. It looks like you just shot a hairy dude. You're okay with killing. You know what it is?

It's four legs versus arm. Yeah. I don't like killing bipedals. We can't kill other bipedals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just feels too much like us. I don't want to kill some with a pouch. Yeah. No. No, no, no, no. Yeah. The crazy part about the pouches is they have. is they have the babies.

So they basically have the babies super underdeveloped. And the way that you test if the baby is strong enough, it has to go from the vagina and climb as like a tiny little embryonic fetus-looking thing to the pouch.

And if you don't make it, they just like shake it off. What is the inside of that pouch like? Slimy. It's fleshy. Is it slimy in there? I don't think it's slimy. I think it's like,

you know what? Come on. Got late in seventh grade. You don't know what the inside of the pouch is like. I think... What the inside of one pouch is like. But there's some fur. So I think it's closer to like ear than mouth.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? I was wondering if it was moist in there. Warm, soft and hairless resembling the skin on the inside of a human wrist. And it has teets in there. And teeths, there's a nipples in there. That is the crazy part. It's crazy they got nips in the pouch.

They got the nips full of nipples. That was an MC Hammer hit. Pouch full of nipples. Yeah. Nips in the pouch. Nips in the pouch. Nips in the pouch. pouch.

I like the girls with the nips in the pouch. You want to talk about. People say shit. Remember when that video came out, the pump sort of bump video? No. I mean, I don't remember, but I know. Yeah, I'm too. That was the first time I saw like a dick showcased in a video.

You could see it. Like, you could see the bell in it. Oh, in the hammer pants? He had that like, no, he had the banana hammock on. I don't remember it. It was awesome. Okay. That made its way.

That's why they called him hammer, right? That's right. Hammond on Hartham. Oh, hammer and hate. Hammond on heart them. Red kangaroo is the first pick. Feels like a fitting. Cangaroo, great.

Yeah. Yeah. People don't need to go unorthodox. Traditionalist. I'm keeping it. Well, I mean, we got five picks. It'll get, it'll go to animals I don't know about. I'm keeping it traditional.

This is a clear first round talent because it is one of the most, it can play almost any position on the field. The duck bill, platypus. Wow. Come on. Okay. What a freak. What a freak.

To me. Bioluminescent? Bioluminescent. Venememememus? Venomous. Venomous spurs. It has venomous spurs? We were just talking about David, David Robinson.

Yes. Venomous spurs. Venomous spurs. Who's the most venomous spurs? Jeremy Sohan. Dennis Rodman. Oh, currently, yeah. Definitely all time.

DeWine. Yeah. I feel like George Gervin could have got, you know, every now. Venom. The venom. So could a platypus kill you with their venom? No, I think it just would like swell up. A lot of venomous animals don't kill you, but it's more like, ow.

well I'm not going to eat you now you're mean I feel like we shouldn't have war because platypus exists I mean I feel like like before two governments go to war we should have to sit at a table and somebody should put a duck bill platypus on that table

and they have to look at that and then I'll still decide that they want to go to war okay because it's so absurd yeah and crazy it looks like it's something that has to be going on down over there I feel we can't have that we can't have that here that's some shit from down there. It is, it's such an insane mashup. The girl talk of animals. Yeah. Ah, you want to bring a

millennial out of his college shell. You talk about girl talk. Ian, keep going. I still think about girl talk. Girl talk was so good. There are moments in songs that I misremember. Oh yeah. Because I think, no, this girl talk. Oh, wait a minute. I remembered the wrong thing. Yeah. One, two, three, four. Yeah. I went to a terrible strip club in Pittsburgh with Girl Talk. I like that.

Wait, Girl Talk playing or with the deal? With Girl Talk. I didn't know that. I never told you guys, man? I knew. I don't think so. I was on tour with Eric Conjure. I remember you trying to get Girl Talk on the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did not respond. Yeah, yeah, I'll buy that. Yeah. That's sick. I love Girl Talk was important. Still at the gym, I will listen to Girl Talk. Yeah, got me through a half marathon.

Night Rip, there was just, there were moments when I, went he made me go back and listen to he also like did the reverse where he made me go back and listen to songs and go what part of this song was this yeah there I mean I knew about say it ain't so in Weezer before Girl Talk but I played that Weezer mashup in that Girl Talk like kind of that three track run so much I was like oh I think I like Weaser by itself too definitely yeah yeah it's a it's a sampler platter if you know of different musical yeah Pittsburgh really a hotbed

from music. Huge, not, I'm sorry, jazz city. I apologize. Okay. There he is.

All right. I was talking about Mac Miller Wiz Califah girl talk. Yeah. We made it about 20 minutes. And you don't get a

Mac Miller or Wizkelea. Without the jazz. You're that guy. Without the jazz. You know who had fresh beats. You know who's the original future.

I'm not, or not Coleman. I'm not going to lie, Ian. There is a very specific kind of white guy who loves Kendrick Lamar

because they say, Well, he's kind of like jazz. And I, those are my least favorite Kendrick Lamar songs. Yeah, just to be clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the first long conversation we had. Yeah.

What, that I don't like the jazz? Yes. About Kendra. We were like, it was after Tabibba butterfly came out. And we both kind of like, I don't like this. Yeah. It's maxi freestyle. Sometimes Kendrick does make music that I call, like,

it sucks that he is, you know, that we don't, he's out of favor. Like, I'd be like, this is something that Jonathan Majors would talk over. Yeah. You know, like that kind of music. Wear a hat. You know what kind of hat? A tiny red beanie or newsboy. I feel like all Jonathan Major's hats suck.

I don't think that guy has a good hat in the house. I think all his hats probably suck. I go ahead and dress like the oil can handle it. He's got a coofe that's too big for some reason. You're like, you're blowing it. Megan's like Jonathan. These hats are. ruining our family.

Oh, my God. Megan's like, that's what's ruining our family. The duckbill plat is both to lays eggs. It's just doing everything. I love it. I love that it exists.

It's absurdity to me is so beautiful. And I'm like, we live on this planet with this thing. That's wild. Jay, your first pitch. You know what? Let's go monitoring

for monitoring. I'm going to go echidna. A kidnap. Culturally important. Knuckles. Huge in the Sonic franchise. Is Knuckles in the kidnap? Wow.

Nuckles is in a kidnap. Knuckles is a monotrim. Akednas. They have spines. They also have a weird mouth situation. They have like a long time. Spiny ant eaters. A misnomer. We call them spiny ant eaters. They're not ant eaters. They don't even antithers. They are monotrems. They lay eggs. Monotremes. They sweat milk. They don't have nipples. They just secreted it. They sweat it. I say it's in the special. They sweat milk like a

kid from the Midwest. They just sweat it. That sounds like another battle rap lyric right there. Well, because, like, the way he just looked at you, like he looked inside of you. Well, no, because nipples are, nipple, memory glands are modified sweat glands. Okay. Is that right? Yeah. So they just... That's why we got to free the nipple.

Yeah, we got to free the nipple. I sweat milk like Dan White. That could be a rap lyric. See? But, like, so, Akidna is also... I sweat milk like a bag of Oreos. I sweat milk like a bag of Oreos. What runs with Oreos?

David Borrios. We're not writing an album. David Boreos. David Boreos, that's a great cereal. You should put out David Boreos. Wasn't that cereal? I blew it. I'm sorry, guys.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't the David Boreos. Creatine. Yeah, besides the silent G. Just a bowl of milk with some creatine. It's like multi-meal. No, but I'm going to say, echidna. Akidnas, they have, some echidnas, tell me if I'm wrong, they have five or five or

four-headed penises. I don't think I'm qualified to tell you if it's right wrong. That's three more than I needed to party. They have a four-headed penis and they can choose which one the heads ejaculates. What? They got like a Gatlin gun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fire torpedo four.

Yeah. There's a picture of someone holding up in a kidnap and his dick is hanging down and it is unsightly. It's like got four heads. Akidnas were actually named after Akidna from Greek mythology. the mother of monsters because people thought they were so monstrous. I would have thought it was you've got to be a kidnaping me with these four

penises. You thought there was a boresh bell zoologist. I was hoping. There had to be one. Who went all the way from the Catskills. Dr. Harvey Levine. Gross singers won't book me anymore. The only other thing I know is foreheaded penises.

Foreheaded penis. It's got a receding dick line. I wonder if they edge for a while, if they can get a laser. stream together like the Death Star or something. I like that out of all foreheads. Wow. I think they would die. That's how you get twins. But no, they, yeah, akinness to me, crazy monitoring.

What are you doing a forehead of penis? I wish more people knew about a kidness. I'll talk about them as much as I can. Platypus does get all the shine. Like, for instance, we don't know that a kidna had a forehead of penis. Yeah, I just learned what an echidna was last night. See? Is that right?

Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, same. I just learned about it when I was looking up. Oh, I thought. I was looking up Australian animals. I thought someone was No. My wife's a zoologist, so she and she, I had a conversation with her.

Wait, what? What's your specialty? Oh, now you're going to get me divorced. Oh, no. Professional questions. I don't, so it's not like what she does. She just has a degree. Oh, wow.

So I don't know. I don't know that. I love animals. I try to put animals in all of my hours and animal facts in all of my hours because I loved when Ricky Jervase before he like hated trans people. loved animals, and I was like, this is such a cool way. I think his polar bear joke is one of the funniest jokes ever. Can you see me now?

But, yeah, I love zoology. Yeah, she really takes me to school. I'm forgetting the name of the fish that makes, that poops out sand. That was a topic we had on here one time. Parrotfish? Yeah, parrotfish. They make all the sand on the beach. Yeah, yeah.

Something I learned from my way. Not all the sand. That and how to love. No, but they make sand. What were the second one? You're right, they don't make all the sand. That and how to love. Okay, yeah.

That's a couple things. It goes parrish. And I love you, baby. Coop and sand But more about this Paravit, baby David, time of your first

and second picks. I don't know nearly as much about animals but I got some picks okay Oh, Casselary

Yeah I've heard it's crazy Living dinosaurs So scary Those things are nuts So scary We're out of here We'll fuck you up

Don't they run Really fast at you They're fast They're fast They'll come at you They make a whole They growl I hate it

When a bird is So big It doesn't feel Like it should be A bird anymore Yeah We're not afraid of you That's like

The scariest It'll come and take the sandwich I need birds to fear me. Look at this thing. Look at that It's so buck. It's head ridge. It's also hot. Yeah, it's hot. It's sexy bird. It's a hot boy. It's just a sexy I don't know, it's hot. It's blue. It's got a, it's got a horn. What's how hot that is. Yeah, yeah. He's like, you know what you don't see enough? You don't see blue

skin. It's not feather. No. It's blue skin. It's got a red waddle. Shit looks like mystique. Yeah, you want to fuck that bird. Ooh, here's one walking on a beach. A cassiwary on a beach? Yeah. Okay. Oh, it's our only fans. You got to pay.

Really? Drop the card. Drop the card. We can just use one password. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's an assuary. It's a assuary.

It's showing assuary on only fans. Man, there's some with purple skin. There's some with orange skin. They are purple skin. They will, and they will like, their claws, their front claws. will, like, fuck you up. Yeah. They kick you, they could disallow you.

Or they can be jump, those front claws. You just caress? They just let you know they're there. Do we have a safe word to establish? Take off your glasses more often. Yeah. Take off your glasses more often? That's funny.

You're on the beach in a cassoir. It walks up. You're with your family. Yeah, they're craved. You see those and you're like, I kind of understand dinosaurs, I feel like. Oh. You also see. You see those and you're like, I don't think I could last outside that long.

No. Right. Not Australia. Well, you see them and you go, yeah, humans weren't always as important. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's not necessarily I'm gonna die. It's like this, I'm putting up a fight.

Damn. No, we get main character syndrome on this planet a lot in a way that's not fair. And Australia takes that away from you. Yeah. It makes you go, wait a minute, just so you know. Tiny little things that let you know. Africa does it too. Any place you're like, you know, kind of iconic megafauna.

I went pee in the jungle one time in Africa, like in the dark. Yeah. And it was like, you can just feel everything watching you. Like, I just like went off the road a little bit. And it's like in the jungle at night, you're so aware of like, we are little. Yeah. We are not that smart. Yeah.

Like it's just like, it's like a scary feeling. And we spent so much time being like, oh, brain big, brain big. Now our brain is so big It also goes, you should be scared Yeah Well, it's also because we weren't tough enough To just be in there all the time Yeah

That's just crazy and that's not my big brain It's a lot of other people's big brain Getting me all this stuff Yeah I wouldn't be, I wouldn't know Over time Over time I don't know what I'm doing

Yeah, yeah The big brains Because it's just It's very funny when you see Animal Like a Casabari Because you go You're like made to like Defend yourselves

And kill And like You're a killing machine We don't, our nails aren't even strong enough. Yeah, we cut my claws all the time. I don't like taking shit back to the store. If I eat too much shirt or my back her. Yeah. Tassowary's love taking shit back to the store.

They take everything back. They walk in, they go, I don't like this. Yeah. They go, you got all this. My dad, my mom. No, I don't got a receipt. They go, I don't got a receipt. And you're going to give me my money back.

We can't take it back. Casuaries buy this shit. They say, I'm wearing it to a wedding and I'm coming back. Yeah, I'm telling you right now. They go. That's where he has all day. Casuarie got tired They're just saying that.

I don't have anywhere to be. I'm a cassowary. What am I supposed to do? I don't have a job. And your second pick. My second pick, I'm taking this, A, because I want to hear an Australian say this word I've never heard it.

B, I love a big, slow water animal. Okay, I know what it's coming. I love a big slow water animal. I know it's coming. Give me a dugong, baby. What's a doog? Look it up. Look it up.

C cow. It's an Australian manateeatine. They got manit I want to hear an Australian say, You got one on you, you got an accent on? You got a dugong on you? I got a dugong on me for sure. I'm better with Scottish, but let me,

because my home word for- Why are you better with Scottish, Hugo? Was it? But you go to Australia every year. No. I've been Australian. Why did I think you go once? What do you say to get into your Scottish,

Crowley? You say, Scottish. I usually try to do literally any other accent and just becomes Scottish. Dude, we are throwing pitches right down Isaac's alley here because he loves doing an Australian accent.

My home word is... You heard that, Isaac? Fly. You heard... You could say fly. Floyd kind of gets you into... Floyd. What about Wherum?

Floyd. What about Wettum? I would say Fulstis. Weddham? When they say Wem? Like in... Oh. I'm not going to lie.

David, you gave me one. Blick fella. Oh, yeah. But that's so much more Kiwi. Right. I mean, you can do it any... I got it. That's the South African

lethal weapon, too, one. No, I got it. from watching that Australian show Clever Man. And the guy was like, you think you're better than me? He said, or he said, how do you say he's like,

you almost said a nigger. You gave so close to say a nigger. I'm doing a lot of in the house, bits out of the house. No, he was like, how did he say? He was like, you think I don't know?

Because I'm a black fella. Because he yelled it. I'm a black fella. That's me. That's me on Sunset later tonight. So good. Hard left turn here. But not only are they called sea cows in Australia, also sea camels and sea pigs.

Sea camels, sea pigs. Sea greedy, maybe. Sea pigs. Sea pigs doesn't sound fun. Seapig. Boat cops. Sea pigs sounds like why you and your lady are fighting at the lake. Go see some sea pigs.

Sea cow is like, there was the famous, the stellar sea cow that went extinct. So sea cow is like what, sea cow is like a turn. for, like, manatee-adjacent things. Okay, okay. Because, like, they're kind of slow, they graze, they're nice. They get old as shit. Yeah, I think manatees and duongs are too dumb to be scared and too dumb to be mean. Are they dumb?

They just, they don't have the fear response that other animals have. Sounds like their hardest out. Because they've always just been really big. You know what? They're just kind. Yeah. You know that one kid in middle school who didn't understand why we would be mean? They'd be like, well, everyone should be friends.

You'd be like, oh, man, you don't get it. You got a good home You got a good home They got dugongs in Japan, Africa There's a lot of doggons All over Come on, baby They get to be like 70 years old

I think is their average life's fan Whoa They're 70 years in the water I love a old water animal I love somebody who's just been under there The whole time Sea turtles are my favorite animal They don't even know what's happening up here

They don't even bro They kind of do know Because we fucking shit up now Yeah because they got plastics Yeah, they don't know about nukes, and they don't know about Will and Grace. They don't know about a lot of stuff. I like that those are the two things they missed out on. Nukes and Will and Grace.

That's what's in your bunker. Yeah, nooks and Will and Grace. Yeah, I'm ready to launch out of the one. That's the only thing that's going to last, given the situation. Will and Grace and Cockroaches. Mega Malale, dude. Being in which, yeah, I feel like, yeah, Will and Grace, it is from an era of sitcom where if they were talking about someone fat, fat phobia isn't funny, but in the early 2000s it was,

they would call a person to see cow. That Karen or Jack would have called Will a Seacow. Oh, yeah. It was so crazy that Jack, Sean Hayes, would call Eric McCormack fat. And we let that run for so long because it was a tiny man calling another tiny man, a big fat queen. It was step. It's just aesthetic, like that work, those are funny words together. Yeah, Seacow.

Seacow. I'm not going to lie. Now I'm worried Seacow is going to make, you're going to see an uptick. You think we're going to do it? I think it starts today. I'll stand on that. Okay, yeah, yeah, I hope it does. I'm not going to call anybody a Seacow.

I'm going to be called a Seacow. I want to be called a decal. Like a decat, like a D boy. We figure that out. We'll figure that out. A dick cow? Yes. A bull.

No. Different. I'm a tourist, but that's different. I'm a tourist. It's my friend David. He's a dick cow. Oh, single to Mayo. Singo to Mayo.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, we got a tourist out. Wow. I like that. What do you like? Libra. Scorpio City, baby.

October. You're all Scorpio's. I am. I'm a Libra. That's why you was fucking when you was little. I'm a Libra. Is that why? That was a little.

Also being an at-risk youth. Yeah. A lot of things. Wait a second. Jay, I was molested. I like comfy stuff, though. I like comfy stuff. I like really comfy stuff.

I love my house. I love in the house. You're just describing stuff people like. No. Come on. We like you more. I like companies of too. Yeah.

Every now and then someone goes. You're a tourist. You like money? I go, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like sex? That's what Scorpio's get.

You like fucking, don't you? Okay, I'll go, I'll do my piss. Saltwater crocodile. The largest crocodile, the largest crocodile, the most dangerous, the big ones. They made the Irwin family so much money. Come on. I mean, I love a salty. That's what they call them in Australia.

They have salties and freshies. Yeah. Saltwater crocodile. That's what the war started over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that footage where it's just like at the ocean and the crocodile swims by? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And they are, once again, we're talking about dinosaurs. They're old. They also kind of instill a fear in you as a human. You go, this thing, this is a thing that can eat me. A lot of stuff can hurt me. Are they trying to eat people? Yeah, they're man-eaters.

They're a few animals. Tigers. Here she comes. They're going to eat your haul Just a bunch of Australians Be like, wow, here she comes. Ready to go. Yeah, tigers eat people.

Tigers eat and actively hunt people. Leopards actively hunt people in like Mumbai. Like city leopards will be like, I'm going to eat you and kill you. City leopards, huh? Yeah. 21 feet 3,300 pounds. Fuck.

21 feet of armored, crazy. It's a plated thing. Two basketball hoops on top of each other. there. Yeah. Yeah. Just to make it so you can go. How many records long is that? It's too big. How many vinals? Are we talking stacked? Are we talking

spread out? How many stacked vials? Stacked? Lots, dude. 2,000? Lots, bro. Yeah. Probably hundreds. Okay. No, but yeah, saltwater crocodile. I noticed, you know, we got the big man off the board. Had to do. Important. I see kind of iconic.

So, yeah. It's not kangaroo dundee. As much as I didn't say, I'm sorry to me. It's not platypus dundee. What did I do to you? Nothing. I love you. Just be a great friend for over a decade. Yeah. It isn't kangaroo. Kangaroo Jack, right? Oh, there you go, Kangaroo Jack.

Is that a real show? If anybody revisited those movies, not Kangaroo Jack, Crocodile Dundee. Oh, I bet you they. Do they hold out? No. Do they say this stuff in that? Because I remember it's a movie I liked so much as a kid. Yeah.

But as a man, I'm like, it had to be stupid. Yeah. You know what I mean? Okay. Oh, if I say that movies were. stupid you you aren't crazy but everyone collectively was enjoying stupid shit because there were grownups who green lit it and made it i mean but that's not my barometer for good or bad but i'm just saying like when you say it doesn't hold up what were we asking it what is it what's bad i'm i'm wondering

if it's problematic we're watching outside of that's and what's holding up because we're talking about still here cultural yeah identify but like is it problematic do they have some problematic jokes but it's also like it's not that bad it's not it's like something that holds up to me that's an older movie is like uh like we can at bernies still funny okay yeah yeah whereas like okay the premises whatever this is just like this guy's crocodile then comes in and saves the day right somebody just would have done that so many times that it doesn't somebody would have shot you got a nut not with a knife like that's a dead job that's not a knife well this is a gun yeah oh really yeah yeah damn it busted no yeah but i've been doing that for years

it happens it happens jean all the time it's always been saying a lot of stuff about transcript that's where I was going I got to go take a shower time for my second pick I can't I mean I was about to say I can't believe it made it this far but I can't because there's so many great animals I think

as fun to say is dugong wombat that was on my list hard butts they got hard butts look up wombat butt You think the first time I googled wombat ass? Their butts protect them.

Wow. Look at this thing. Read it. Yeah. Damn. Whombats are pretty funny. Also, you can see his little balls. David, David, wombats are so, their butts are so hard.

When they're running away, they go into their burrows and stick their ass out. Kind of like the way some pornos are, so like, I'm stuck in the dryer. Wow. Yeah, they stick their ass out and the predators try to bite the ass. and they can't, they go, ah, this is too tough. That would be a fun little video to see. Their butts are that hard. And they poop.

They poop cubes. Oh, I have heard about that. Give me a wombat butt. What else poops cubes? Isn't there another animal that poops cubes? No, it's that one. It's that's the one, huh? Pooops, cubes.

What else? Poop's cubes. Do any other animals, poop cubes? How does a cube come out? Is the poop hard? How does it poop a cube? I mean, yeah. If it's eaten, right?

Okay. If I'd formed a cube anywhere in there, it would turn into like a cylinder on its way out. They might just have cubanuses. You know the way like those Play-Doh things where it comes out in whatever shape? Yeah, I do know that. I think of that situation.

Angaroos poop star. Yeah. Just a cute, well, if you got a lot of money to get the star fastener. We had to toss it. It's okay, man. It's okay, yeah. It's a good.

It's okay. It's in order of keeping them a drapoo. What was I? What was I doing, Harper? Wombat. Wombat's my pick. They are cute as the dickens of Wombardt, too. They are very cute.

And they're bigger than you. think. Yeah, they're big. Yeah, big ass rodent. You pick them up. Yeah. I would like. Also, marsupial.

They're marsupial. So many animals in Australia are, they have. It's Pouch City down there. Yeah, yeah. We have, the one marsupial that's famous in North America is the opossum. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

The, uh, I would like to ride an Iditarod sled pulled by wombats, but on wheels. Listen, you know, okay. So not a bad sentence made me feel like I'm sick. Yeah. No. It was awesome. It did something crazy to me. When this image does get greenlit,

I do want you to pay an artist to render that because people are typing that into AI. Don't AI that. Don't AI that. Draw it by man. Hire a person. There's some very solid artists to listen to this show. If one of you could send us.

And you know, I mean, it's so easy to put it into grok or soar it. But just draw it. Yeah, draw it. Please. You'll feel something. We'll feel something. It would be, that's how you, if you do some dates in Australia. If I pulled up in that?

You, that's the poster. That's not, I'm saying, I'm saying that's the, I'm saying that's the, I'm saying that's the, that's the poster, Edway. I pulled up. I say that's the poster for the Australian dates. But then I pull up in it. You pull up in it. And they're like, people will be like, people like it when you're doing stuff from the poster. That's what I know about showbizze.

Yeah. Yeah. I think he was just roll up smoking 10 blunts. This is what the poster was doing. Sean, time for your second and third picks. We've got to move it. Tasmanian devil. Whoa!

Once again, great pick. Hot in the early 90s. Wow, man. Just on t-shirts with bugs. Wear it backwards baseball jersey. I love it when a hot new animal drops. And Taz, like, made people aware of them, and they look so different. I didn't know they were real when I was a kid.

I didn't know they were real until 10 years ago. Yeah. What's the last hot animal? Like, the hot new... I was thinking that. Jessica Rabbit. But no, I don't mean sexy. Rabbit also was a cartoon.

You're thinking of a Lola Bunny? It was just because her last name was rabbit is what I say. But the way like Kaz was hot. The rabbit, yeah. I guess married. Yeah. There's one that I don't want to say. I was talking about something different.

There is a hot animal I don't want to say. Hot animal. They do blow up on the internet. Secretary Bird? No, that is a sexy animal. Yeah. I'm talking about like an animal that was like popular. Like where it blew up the way a Tasmanian devil did.

Oh. I don't want to say it. It'll be my next pick if we don't. The last time we had an animal. animal that everyone kind of lost it about. Gritty. And the baby hippos. Oh, Fiona.

Moudang. Moodang. Yeah, Moudang and Fiona. This, ooh, I'm an animal nerd. So in my brain, like, recently, as of the recording today, there was recently spotted

an Iberian lynx, a lynx on the Iberian peninsula, like Spain and Portugal. We thought they were extinct. It popped up. but it was a, it had, I think it was a white Iberian lynx. And so it was like very striking. It like had like a thing, not the albinism gene, but I think it's like, what's it called, loose, Lou, what is it?

What's like, we still have the pigment. We still have the pigment, but you. I don't know. Lou Gehrig's. No, it's like lucistic or it's something like that. I love that you thought any of us knew. I thought you. No, no.

And then there to a zoologist. I'm right. And I don't, I don't even. Benocia has a specialty. I'm still thinking about ham when you said Iberian Peninsula. That's where I went. This white Iberian links

looks like something you would like befriend in like Metal Gear Solid or something like that. First of all, raise your voice. We're not having sex. The way you came in was, the way, way, was, too lucidism.

Hey, hey, listen, tell me, what is it? Loosism. Looseism, which does sound like an insult for what someone would say, man, your mama got, yo, her pussy got lucism. She did stuff for some lucism. Your mom's pussy got loosism.

But loosism. No, my mom, my mom's stupid. My mom got tightism. She got tightism. My mom and pussy so tight. I was like, get me out of here. You know that's the C-section. Yeah, come on.

My mom wants to pussy so tight by heads cone. My dad's barely got a day. That's why I can't wear dad hats. But looose. Which, once again, does sound like what... Lusism means the animal is white, but it's not albino. So, like, the eyes will still have pigment. Oh, it's like what the tigers were, we're Siegfried and Roy.

Okay, okay. Yeah, the gay tigers. Saddivian tigers. But a lot of those tigers end up, I think, because, like, you do have to, like, very... You have to, no, because you have to inbreed them. But sure. That's what I said. Because they're abominations.

That's such a harsh one. That's a hot animal community. The lynx is hot. Everyone's talking about that links right now. Yeah, okay. That's, yeah. But what's the hot... You're going to say quaca?

Well, we're going to save it. Okay. Sean, you're a second pick. Unless that's what you want to take. Look. There it is. He's taking it. Okay, great.

Oh, you're going to quaker? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just learned about those last night, too. That's a hot animal. They're so cute. We brought up something that they all the web. They have something like the doongs, the dugongs have.

Yeah. They don't have fear. Yeah. Is that real? That's a real animal. That's a real picture? Yeah. See that?

There are pictures of them with people looking like that. It looks like he just did a whip it. They're on quite a significant amount of molly, most of them. Yeah, yeah. It looks like it. Yeah. No, that's, it's just. Every time I see a quaka, I go, are you, do you have enough water?

Hey, you're good? You're all right? Are we good? I know it feels great right now, but you're going to want to have drink water. Everyone drink water. You take the vitamins? I'll just say it, quack, flaka flaka flame. Quak a flogga flak flame.

Or flog... Do you think he said it yet? Do you think Waka said that yet? I'm going to tell you right now, David Boy, I'm not sure of a lot. But I know Waka Flaka Flame has not said Quacka Flaka Flame. He said Waka Quaka Flame.

But that was like a different thing. He might have said Waka Flaka Kowka. He was doing something else. Do you think he ever calls it the Hollywood Waka Flaka Fama fame? I want him to be so much funnier. You remember, I mean, right, when that got very fun to say,

there were so many Fossey Bear memes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I love. Waka flaka. Yeah. There's a, there's a food truck called Wahawk and Flaken Flame. And I call it Wahawk and Flock and Flame.

Whoa. Yeah. I would like to think that he's having as much fun as with his name as We are. I hope so. His name is Waka Flaka Flame. Yeah. Get some extra flakamoli on that. That's too fun to not.

And he said it so much. He said it all the time. I'd say 30% of his lyrics are him saying his name. Yeah. It doesn't really even make sense to me. I think, okay. Are we breaking down the etymology of Waka Plunker? As an ex-rapper, when you pick your name.

I was also a rapper at one point. Hell yeah. What was your name? Shaggy Three-Doh. I have a song on Spotify. Shaggy Three-Doh. Shaggy Three-Doh. Oh my God.

My gang name was six with a C, though. It's cool. without a doubt cool Sean I'm gonna say it you Cripping is you know how close we are to Hoover I don't want to blow up the studio where the studio Dude when we were so close to Hoover Verdugo or um

What's the what's the goddamn bar that they They filmed a little bit of a star is born at Oh where they used to do hot tub Yeah whatever whatever Oh the Virgil Virgil that right across like right over there is one of the Used to be one of the scariest like gang neighborhoods there was Like the Lockwood Elementary School

Yeah And every time I'm there, I'm like, I can't believe I used to say I was a crypt. Yeah, there's actual gang members. You know, that's probably like when you see real basketball players and you go, I can't believe I thought I was ever said I played basketballs. What? Yeah, what was I doing? They're so tall.

Like you watch pornography. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, well, because, like, as a queer man, I have a lot of friends who do porn. So I actually will be like, okay, I could see. All right, bragging. All right, brag. I know people with porn dicks that aren't doing. porn. I'm only getting in the

game if somebody's got like a John Gaboris fetish and they can't afford him. I was going to say. I'll say this, Ian, online, a lot of boys do. Yeah, they do, right? People will be like, you and John Gabor should wear speedos together. I go, he messes him. Yeah.

Our DMs are so different. No, because people... I don't get any of those. You're not getting that one? I get a lot of thanks for being so positive. It's really nice. I like the image. By the way, you and John Gabor should wear... I got a lot of like Hot nude live on the cam right now

You know what's weird A lot of cam girls message me and your wife Together? It's like in a group It'll be a group So if it'll say the people You know how they like spam? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, they're like spam a group of people Yeah So if you go to like the request The other folder It'll be like me, your wife And then like a random third person She joins. She goes

She's very supportive She got buzzer ride She got to live life. She got to live her life. You'd think because she's a mom, she can't have fun? No, I just think it's crazy. I'm trying to show you. Okay, Ian's here right now.

What's she supposed to do? I got books to write as a fun response. Cowala. Yeah. I'm taking it. All right. Only the interest of time. I was it is.

Take your doxypap. Absolutely. How many penis heads does a koala have, not for it? Chlamydia. Chlamydia. Chlamydia. They're getting clapped up. Yeah.

Funny story about chlamydia. So I got. Clap on, clap off. I got to say, so I do a joke about... Wait, did you say a funny story about chlamydia? Yeah.

Y'all'm like taking y'all antibiotics. Y'all ain't never had to sit on a bench for two weeks, a week? It's a great way to start. I was a guy to the eye. I thought that I got caught slipping one time, but I didn't. I didn't. It was just a rash. Yeah.

Not a rash. You'd be like, my teeth felt weird. They'd be like, you know, it was... Anyway, so, koalasas have a chlamydia, and I was telling a joke about this on the Tonight Show and Standards and Practices I sent STDs

and then on the voice recordings people in the audience kept saying chlamydia and then the booker was like okay if the audience says chlamydia you can say chlamydia because then you can just be like I'm just repeating what they said

and so the audience did say chlamydia and I went right chlamydia and I pointed this guy in the front and I was like well not you the koala but you know and so that I was like okay yeah koalas let me say chlamydia on the tonight

On national, on NBC. Yeah. Yeah. A weird rule. Okay, if the audience says it, you can say. Well, yeah. Well, because I think it was, they, late night loves being right on the line.

They won't naughty, not dirty. They also, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know about standards and practice. Oh, yeah, it's insane. It's also sometimes it's just the ref. It's whoever that person happens to be. And they're like, I don't want you to say Clementian. And the other thing that you know is that if you're a stand-up comic in your book,

your rules are different than the couch. Because on the couch, people... They say crazy shit. They say whatever they want on the couch. On the couch, they'll be like, we know fuck this shit. They'll be like, you can't be cursing on my show? And they'll be like, this... Okay, we shot this at 6.

It airs at 1135. We can bleep that out. But they'll, on the couch, they be acting up. You can't write something with the intention of being bleeped. Yeah. If it happens, it happens. That's like their rule. Yeah.

So you can, like, slide it in. Yeah, it's the very famous Jack Black, like, one, two, three, motherfucker. Yeah. Part of the sizzle reel. Yeah. Jay time for your third bit. Ooh, okay. I'm surprised this one lasted so long.

I think we've picked a bunch of kind of emblematic creatures. I'm going to say it, dingo. I love a dog. I love a wild dog. I love a dog associated with the country. I love the fact that dingoes are super ancient. I love the fact that dingoes, they look like cute dogs. The same way coyotes look like cute dogs.

and then you look closer, you go, oh, no, you can fuck me up. Killing machine. Wait a minute. I thought you were cute. You could fuck me up a little bit. I'm looking at the dingoes right now. Yeah.

Are they around? They're like fully around in Australia? Yeah, they're wild dogs. They're that country. So wild. There's a dingo on a beach. They eat babies. Yeah.

They also, they can survive in the desert without water for a while. They're like strong. They're very adaptable, which is why they've been around for so long. You were saying ancient. Yeah. They have not like,

the earliest dingo remains were found 3,400 years ago, and they have not changed over those thousands of years. I want to say they're in, like, some of the Aboriginal art, too. Like, so they, dingoes have been around a very, dingoes weren't on Australia before white people got to Australia. Man. Dingoes were like, hey, man, you gentrifying. Yeah.

Dingles were here. Yeah. Dingo said, these used to be full of crips. The Dingo Street Crips. Dingo Street Crips. This one's got a fish. So they fish. Whoa.

Yeah. Okay. Dingoes are crazy. Do they like go into the cities the way like you'll see a coyote in the city? Are they cool dingoes? You can like like their calm ones in the city and stuff. I think that dingoes probably, I think that people, I think they treat them the same way L.A. people treat coyotes. Yeah.

They're nice, but like they will eat your smaller dog. Yeah. Seems pretty similar to the coyotes. Yeah. Coyotes don't tear. If I see a coyote, it doesn't really shake me. No, because they're a farmants. I did.

I did have a coyote... You get an amber alert or something? No. A bunch of email. Calendar. Must be... We're all on the same calendar. It's just a headgum email.

Yeah. We get our period of this. And stanked up. One time I was coming from... Where was it? The Greek. I was just coming from somewhere over there. And there were two coyotes.

And you know that thing where you see a coyote and then like you turn your head and it's gone? Yeah. This was the first time I'd been in L.A. for a few days. This one, like, stayed and we're just like, I'm walking, too. And I was like, oh, shit, okay. They'll just stay. There's some big ones in the Griffith Park.

I used to see them. When I lived in Island Park, they'd be on my street a lot. Yeah, we had them with the crib and Glendale sometimes. We got to rush through the end here. Oh, shit. Because our next one's at one, right? Yeah. Oh, that was what went off.

David. Time for your third and fourth picks. Uh, sits in the old gum tree, Mary, Mary King of the Bush and Cucobara. Absolutely. Uh, cuckabora. That's a fun one. Good licorice company. Come on.

And they have a great laugh. Yeah. They have a crazy laugh. Yeah, they laugh. Love it when an animal can laugh. I've got a lot of birds on here. Well, I got some birds. That's cool.

You're a bird guy. You've got a guy. Well, Caswell is a land bird bird. I wouldn't say I'm a bird guy at all. Really? No, they make me very uncomfortable. You're flying any weather, though. Would you say you're a bird man?

That bird makes me the most uncomfortable of all. Birds Ruthlets. What happened to that boy? And your fourth pick. Uh, sugar glider. Okay, yeah. So you've got a bird that can fly in a mammal that can. Yeah, dude.

We love a sugar glider. Awesome. Awesome, man. Matt Richards, very funny comedian, black comedian, and I say that for this next reason, has a sugar glider. The only black man I know with a sugar glider. He owns a sugar glider? Yeah. Has it.

Loves it. He loves animals. He has like a terrarium. He's got a bunch of little stuff. Look at how cute that thing is. He brought a sugar glider to the condoing. to the comedy seller, and I said, man, you know you could just, you, that baby don't belong here. No.

When you bring something like that to a comedy club, I go, we can't take care of people. He didn't have it just like free. Now, he was stunting. He had it like on him. Yeah. That's cool. That is cool. That's way better than a snake guy.

Was he wearing a fur coat? No, but he did have like a little thing that was supposed to like be reminiscent of a pouch and it would be like in that thing. He would get in there? Man, if I had a sugar glider, we would match all the time. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matching bucket hats? Yeah.

Yeah. We would wear the same clothes. Jay, time for your fourth pick. Ooh, fourth pick. I'm called my sugar rider. I'm gonna, my sugar rider die. Yeah. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna cheat a little bit.

I'm gonna go Tasmanian tiger. Yeah. Yeah, it's extinct. But there are, there are very few rumors that it might still be alive. I didn't even, I got to look at this. All I need is a rumor, baby. The thylacine, the Tasmanian tiger. Yeah.

It is, it's a carnivorous marsupial. People forget those are things. Whoa. Yeah. Old picture. This is crazy looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tasmanian Tiger.

Yeah, if you're in the cryptozoology community, that thing would be so buck to see. That was at the Hollywood Bowl, I'd turn around. Yeah. Tasmanian Tiger live at the Hollywood Bowl. This one's got two heads. Yeah. Tasmanian Tiger should be a band name.

Absolutely. It probably is. Yeah. And you said there's rumors that they're still alive? It's an El Tigray cover band in Australia. Taman Pala should be called Tasmanian Tiger. Okay. Wow.

Yeah. I like Impala. Impala. It's an antelope in a car. Yeah. I didn't even make my list. And there's a band name. With my fourth pick.

Oh, Impala's an African animal, right? Yeah. Well, you can do that on the African Animal Day. If I come back, I'll do it different. I love animals. I'm going to go with. It would be tight. We just hit every continent.

That'd be cool. Antarctica, we'd be getting dicey. The minute someone gets leopard seal, you go, shit. The thing. I'm going with the Australian Bustard, which is one of the largest flying birds. It's like a dinosaur, and it has a crazy noise that it makes. I'm looking at all the time.

Close it out of wedlock. And the noise it makes, it goes like, and it can fly. And it can fly. And it can fly. So you could hear that from above. For my birthday, we give me a late birthday present is a coupon book where it's four coupons

that you'll do that whenever I want you to. I'll do it. It doesn't have to be a coupon. You call me up. What do you call me up? What do you call me up? Like, if we go get coffee tomorrow and they ask what you want, you do that.

If it's it, I have to pick the coffee shop. We're going to go to one on like Hollywood Boulevard. Ian, I love this choice. Yeah. I love this choice. It's an interesting. bird. They're crazy. Oh, okay.

Okay. I haven't picked a bird yet. Okay, I do have a bird. It's your turn. It's your turn. Oh, wait, no, it's not, Sean. Do you wrap her up? I'm going to go coral reef snake. Whoa. I like snakes. You know what I was going to say you should have done? I know these, we're all friends who respect each other.

If you want to cheat a little bit, you went, I'm going to pick the entire Great Barrier Reef. I had thought about it. Yeah. I thought about it. My wife brought that up last night. The Great Barrier Reef. So why would you be able to do that? Is it alive? It's living.

It's all coral. And it's all connected. Yeah. The circle of the coral reef snake. Scary snake. Yeah. You don't want to get bit by that. A snake in the water.

Because the thing is, snakes in the land. The shittiest tour guy in the world. Snakes in the water. You go, well, shit. Where can I go? Where can't they do? I saw, I was in Michigan this summer, saw a water snake.

I love snakes. I wouldn't want to see a coral reef snake. He did text us about it. Dude, is ill as hell. One of the best texts you got you've ever sent. It was tight, dude. It's up there with Miguel is back. Miguel is back.

Right. What was Miguel's back? Was it out of the lady? He had that song that came out from an old album, but they just like resurfaced like two years ago. I forget that. No, what's the name of the song? I can't remember the name right now. It's like you'd be the news on the reporter or whatever that one is, right?

Yeah, it just resurfaced though. And it's love you like. They slowed it down. Yeah, it's coffee. That song. Is that the name of it? This is in a group chat that's never talked about Miguel. Oh, wow.

And we weren't talking about Miguel. I was just stoked, dude. And he was randomly like, Miguel is back. I'm not going to lie. It does sound like that's just a friend. Yeah. Miguel's back. Yeah, Miguel.

I might be one of your skateboard. I'm going to go emu. Ooh. Good noise. We're going on more birds. Good noise. Saw on emu the other day at a pumpkin patch. Okay.

It was pretty tight. I love. They were there with their family. Okay. I think emuos are there. the second largest flightless bird? After ostrich. After emu.

Yeah. This is right here, Jay. It's a, it's a, it's a, E. D.M. A D.M. Yeah. The Marvel EDMU. You guys ever known somebody who had one?

An emu? What? No. Some Colorado shit. Yeah, it is. Because they got all those, those farms. It was. Yeah, there is.

There's also people out there have alpacas. I know some else. Some Lama alpaca. and you'd be drinking at his house and then you go outside to pee at night and you would just hear I don't like that The peevee was out there

Ian real quick I've always wanted to do this Can we take a second break? Yes We'll be right back This show is brought to you by BetterHelp Now it is the fall It's winter

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Hey, we're back with my final pick. Chris Hemsworth. Yay. Yeah. What no? Come on. Smart. Come on. I waited to the final round. With the rich wild right there. I waited to the final round.

Jay? I don't allow it. No. Oh, we're on them? Yeah. Okay. Smart. I don't love it.

Smart. Jay, your final pick? The way with it. Final pick, I'ma go bandicoot specifically Crash. Crash Bandicoot. I love wamper fruit. I love an Aku-A-ku mask. I hate in Cortex.

I love spinning around. I like Crass Bandicoot. You do love spinning around. You're talking about a sexy-ass man and some jorts with a huge upper body. Crash Bandicoot did it for me. Yeah, John Cena-ass outfit. You can't see me. My time is now, Crash Bandicoot.

David, your final pick. Whale. Yeah, they got whales. 60% of the whales. Okay, right? Whoa. I know they got whale sharks. You can swim with well sharks.

Sixth of the whales? But 60% of the whales. And Harper's never told us this? Now I got to double check. He's not even an Australia guy, apparently. I thought he was a black fella. He's a black fella. I got a lot of being thrown at me right now.

He's a blick fella. I thought he was a blick fella. I've been to Australia a few times, but not every year. I literally thought you went every single year. They come here every year. I really did, too. I thought you'd just be going there. Ozzie's come to New York, surprisingly, more than I thought.

I thought Aussies would come here all the time. They're always on vacation. They are always on vacation. They're always on vacation. They're always on a wave. Yeah. That's the surfer, that movie, Ozzy, that creepy shit. Okay.

That's the final pick of the draft. Harper, do you have a pick? Well, since you've kind of votes a subject. Yeah. Hugh Jackman. Oh, yeah. Well, okay. You like a cheating philander or do you?

I like a Wolverine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's in love. Yeah, right. Okay. Tell his ex-wife that.

Related to Wolverine and the X-Men, the X-Men, the X-Men had to operate out of Australia for a bit during the 80s. They had an Aboriginal mutant on the team named Gateway who could teleport them places. But the reason why Wolverine has an Australian accent in the failed pilot pride of the X-Men is because the X-Men went in Australia. and people thought Wolverine was Australia, was really Canadian, and now we have an Australian Wolverine. So it kind of comes really full circle. And you don't believe in God.

Yeah. I believe in Hugh Jackman as God. That's right. She believes in you. Yeah, I think God is gay too. That's beautiful. Hugh S. Jackman, then. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

No comment. I think God loves the music man. Yeah. I think God loves things of the American songbook. God was great in the music man. I will say that. We saw the music man right next to this guy. Yeah.

To recap, Sean, you went first. You took the Red Kangaroo, the Tasmanian devil, the Cuoka, the coral reef snake, and the emu. I went second. I took the duckbell platypus, the wombat, the koal, the Australian Bustard, and Chris Hemsworth. Jay, you went third. You took the Akidna, the Saltwater Crocodile, the Dengau, the Tasmanian Tiger, and the Crash Bandicoot. David, you went last. You took the Cassowary, the Dugong, the Cucobur, the Sugar Glider, and Whales.

All the whales. That's a crazy 60% of the whales. This is great. I don't even know who would win this. That's a good zoo. No, these are good. I should put them up just out there. Put this one up.

This will be a poll. Yeah. Pull it up. I'm also very impressed that people really tried. I know that sometimes when it comes to a list like this, people kind of get silly. But y'all are really fun. Y'all tried. I wait until they're around with Hemsworth.

Yeah. No, we meant it. We've done. Yeah, this is almost 400 of these. I gotta be trying. We want to hear your pick. Send us up at All Fantasy Podcast

at Gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon where you can get live episodes,

mailbagged episodes, this or that episodes, auction drafts, all sorts of bonus content. Shout out to everyone on the A of E Shackety. Shout out to Super Producer Zach Harper on the ones and twos.

I'm staying. You did it. He's staying. He's not giving up a scene. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Frankie Ocean. shot to Sid the Dude, shout to Hotchie Beats, and more important than all.

That tune to again next week to another brand new episode of All, Finty, everything. Blackfuss! What's going on? It's Lamarne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around,

a New Girl rewatch podcast now on Headgum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl. And we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea.

We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories. we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodriguez. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel,

Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.