All Fantasy Everything - BBQs (w/ Amy Miller, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: August 2, 2018

Fire up the grill, pop some ones that are cold, call up that cousin you only see once a year... it's BBQ SZN. The Good Vibes Gang is joined by podcast favorite Amy Miller to draft BBQs. This episode is brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. For just $5, you can get their Daily Essentials Starter Set. It comes with Body Cleanser, One Wipe Charlies, their amazing butt wipes, their world famous Shave Butter, and their best razor: the six-blade Executive. Check it all out at dollarshaveclub.com/allfantasy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything The podcast that is working the night shift Taking you home, floating on a cloud of velvet And kissing you gently right on the forehead with smooth times and jazz. Yeah. Oh, God. You ruined it.

Hold on. Let me do a good one. No, you ruined it. Oh, yeah. No. Do you know what this is supposed to... No. Neither of you both know.

All right, so this one's David and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is going to be David and I just talking about values. Yeah. You and I are going to go to Skid Row and get fucked. Good God, what are you doing? Neither one of you. It's 11 in the morning.

He made it sexy. Come on. You guys don't know what sexy means is what I just learned. I did that one time in Laura's ear when we were doing it. Oh, God. Yeah, she sang. I feel bad. She was bummed for sure.

No. I wanted to start us off on a smooth vibe. You did. It was great. Because I'm hung over. That was fantastic. I didn't. It wasn't my best improv, but you know. Well, I've seen your best improv.

Yeah. It was Portland, Oregon. You peaked already. When we used to get drunk. Improv peaked in 2004. Ooh. Damn. I said it.

I said it. Everybody take your headphones out so your ears don't burn off. Yeah, no. People, man, Let them shits pop Hot take nephew I want you to feel it Got good and drunk last night Hell yeah

Ran into The Gisland At a house party Oh yeah Oh yeah Getting stoned as hell A Brie Pruitt show Is that what it was

Yeah it was Brie Pruitt show Friend of the podcast Friend of the podcast Yeah But at somebody else's house And then Yeah man Oh Sarah's house maybe Oh, Sarah's house, maybe.

Oh, I should have gone to that. You should have. We were getting blazed. I don't know how much you love that shit. I know. I love it. We were talking about getting accomplishment drunk. Celebrating that new promotion.

Dangerous. Three weeks in a row. Dude, I celebrate you celebrating. Yeah. I've been celebrating because I'm like, dude, Ian did some dope. I'm about to get bucked. And then I'm happy you're happy. So I'm celebrating that.

It's a circle. Yeah, I'm celebrating the entire catalog. The whole thing. And we're all celebrating the roost except for enemy of the podcast, Mike Malloy. Enemy of the podcast, Michael Malloy.

Who made a goddamn stink about it last night. I was at the roost last night with friend of the podcast, Sean O'Connor, and then just general friends, you know, Julie McCullough, Jared Moskowitz, Chase Mitchell was there.

Just a wonderful crowd. Justin Shane showed up. Just some TV folk. Having a great time. Nobody bothering us. Cheap drinks. Sure. Excellent service.

And do they know, now here's the question. Not that cheap. Do they know what your drinks are before you order them? As soon as I walk in, they know my drinks. That's nice. Does it smell like pretty good food in there? Smells like, yeah, pretty good food. Like prompt service? Also overpriced smells like pretty good food. Like prop service?

Also overpriced. Delicious, delicious food. Chicken waist. Whoa. Do we have a second? Where are you going in Los Angeles where the drinks and the food are much cheaper than the Roos? I've been on Team Malloy for a little bit on this one. No.

You guys would be on that team. Yeah, but we live in Glendale. There are cheaper dive bars than the Roos. The Roos is milking us, dudes. Which other bar lets me steal chicken, Amy? That's what we were talking about. So, David, Ian, myself,

and Mike, we've all had our situations where we were in the wrong. All of us. Every single one of us at that place. And any other bar would have been like, well, you can't come back in. Last time I was at the Roost, the dude shook my hand when I walked in. He shook my goddamn hand. Don't you think that's worth an extra $2 a shot?

That extra $2 a shot is while-and-out insurance. Yeah. It's like paying. We got full coverage. And I need premium, baby. Because I'm going to break that other car. Exactly. He needs collision coverage.

These headlights are going to fall off. It is while-and-out insurance. It's cash only. So I support whatever shady shit is going on there in the back. That's what I'm saying. Like their bootleg restaurant that they have in the bathroom. There's no permits for that, for sure.

They might as well have tiny little coffee tables on the bar that I can put my money under so it's under the table. I don't care at all. They can do whatever the hell they want with it. We should start gambling in there. Let's do it. We could! We could 100%. Are you... Because I've turned out a bar into a gambling bar before.

We can play chop poker in there, dude. You know they got what you want. No, we're playing dice and only dice. Okay. But all the weird ones. Deuce is loose, 1-4-24. CeeLo. I wish you guys...

Come on. Imagine what David's doing with his eyebrows and whatever you're imagining, that's what he's doing. I love dice gambling. You were doing weird eyebrow moves with it. Oh, yeah, because I get weird with it. Me and the door guy wrote a sports book in the women's bathroom, too. Big board and everything.

Come on in. Big board. The number one underground L.A. Sparks book in the county. And if you've never been in that bathroom, it is like a Tetris game in the men's bathroom. I don't know what the women's is like. I don't know what the women's is like. I don't know what the women's is like. They have a little piece cut out of the stall door so it can get by the sink. That's how buck it is in there.

And I always pee in the toilet because, you know, I'm cut from a different cloth. That's right. I pee in the sink, bro. I will give a couple points to the roost on the women's restroom because they keep the soap in a country crock tub. Yes. Oh, just like mom used to do. Confusing as a kid, honestly.

Where do I put this? There are other good dive bars in Glendale. TG's fun. Yeah, TG's fun. But like the thing, we were talking, I've waited for like 15 minutes for a drink at TG. I never wait for, yeah, everywhere else in LA, I feel like you wait forever. Also, the last time I went to TG, I took a shot and then walked outside and barfed. And I'm not going to take responsibility for that.

It's their fault. This is what you guys like about the roost. Yes, that has also happened at the roost. No responsibility roost. Yeah, it's like your friends in high school with bad parents. They're like, you can drink in the basement. Yeah, we'd rather have you do it here. Yeah, like there are fights down there.

I know. I don't care. You guys are just young. I refrained last night from partying. I told these two, but I didn't tell you yet, Amy. Last night, Laura got to town, and I had this whole grand gesture planned out in my head. So we got a hotel room, and on the bed, I made a heart out of Starburst with an arrow going through it. Romance.

Straight to his dong. My plan, I didn't even think about that, but it would have been pointing straight to the bad dude. So I was going to be like, I go, text me when you land, just so I had a time frame, and I was going to be in the bed with the heart on one side and some low lights. He was getting ready to put the bad dude in the good place. So I had the door unlatched. Like 182 cover of a Sade song playing.

Sweetest taboo. Coast to coast, L.A. to Chicago. This is no ordinary love. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because he's a smooth operator. No need to ask, he's a smooth operator. You're too good at that. He's a smooth

operator. Ladies and gentlemen, Travis Barker. That's a kill, dude. Every time I wear the belly shirt in here, we end up getting sweaty. Nobody understands us.

It's like Tiger wearing the red shirt on a Sunday. You know, some shit's going to pop off. I feel like the listeners think I just blacked out. So I had a time frame for when I thought she was going to get to the room, and I thought I had like five more minutes left, and then I see the door open, and I'm standing there, not in the bed yet, in my mesh shorts, watching 22 Jump Street.

Standing up. Not even 21, guys. I look at her like she did something wrong. I was like, oh shit, you're early. I was going to be in the bed waiting to be unwrapped. Not to be confused with unwrapped like I am though. Didn't get into Montreal. There you go. A little wordplay.

Not for long with that kind of fucking clever shit. So that was my party. She was stoked. I mean, you know. What was the plan? The fuck on top of the starburst? The plan is

to not do much. That's always the plan. Sticky icky. All you gotta do is not do much the whole relationship and then when we make a starburst heart,

she's like, you fucking smooth up a raider. Be precious. She's like, this is how you try. That's cute. And I got a haircut, dog.

Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, I'm in there. Anyway, that was mine. Yeah, it's your girlfriend. She's like, this is how you try. That's cute. And I got a haircut, dog. Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, I'm in there. Anyway, that was mine. Yeah, it's your girlfriend. You're like a kitten bringing us a dead bird. It's like, oh, for you, that's what's nice. Yeah, I don't want it every day. You think I like this.

I appreciate you saying that's nice. Now, the man who put those starbursts on the bed is one Sean Jordan. What's up, dog? Sean S. Jordan. Still on Twitter. On Twitter. Still doing it. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan starbursts on the bed is one Sean Jordan. What's up, dog? Sean S. Jordan. Still on Twitter. On Twitter. Still doing it. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan.

Yeah, on the Instagram. What's the deal, dude? Nothing, man. You're looking at about to go whale watching tomorrow. Going to go on a four and a half hour cruise, dog. Going whale watching. He's going to Santa Barbara. Santa Bizzle, dude.

He's going to St. Barbara. Santa Barbara. He's going to St. Barbara. We were talking in the car about how that's like, you like that because it's something... So the thing is, we would... I'm not saying you guys wouldn't do that with me, but it's just never going to come up.

I'm saying it should. It should. We should, and all of us, and when I say we, I mean all the listeners too, you should keep an eye out for those little opportunities. Instead of just hanging out on the couch one Saturday, what if we go whale watching? Yeah, you got to make a plan in advance. Plan. We got to start doing that.

You know, you introduced me to go into the driving range. I didn't know how to hit a fucking, I still don't, but I can connect a little bit. I'm trouble out there. We can go thrifting. Yeah. We can go grifting. Yeah. We should set up a grifting.

Yeah. Grifting? Well, at the risk. Yeah. We're going to go thrifting? Yeah. We could go grifting. Yeah. We should set up a grifting. Yeah. Grifting? Well, at the rest. That's what we'll do. What are you guys doing? We're going to go grifting. That's what it looks like. Is it legit?

I'm going to an outdoor movie tonight. I plan this kind of shit all the time. That's amazing. Yeah. They have movies outside now? Blazing Saddles in Griffith Park. Awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, what? You just got to see this shit ahead of time. You're going to go see Blazing Saddles outdoors. Put it on your calendar. You buy a ticket. Yeah. That's how I live my life. Are you

bringing a blanket? Oh, yeah, yeah. We have like a little... A picnic basket? A cushy blanket and a picnic basket. Yeah, you didn't say picnic. I said picnic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't put that on me. Picnic basket. I would love to go whale watching with you, Sean.

Right? Me too. I mean, just all those- Deep sea fishing. Whale watching. I'd go see some goats out in the country. Oh, yeah. And eat their cheese. Oh, dude. Yeah, I mean-

Oh, man. Pet some goats. Yeah, yeah. Go to like a cave. Let's go to San Juan de Capistrano and watch the sparrows, dude. Go to like a cock fight. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Bring our pitbulls. Go down to San Diego, wear pastel shorts, and have a nice meal. Did you say cop or cock? Cop. Listen, I said what I said. All right? Cop fight.

Cop fight. They got underground cop fight. Either way, I got 20 on the fat one. You know what I mean? Ladies and gentlemen. The guy who's got 20 on the fat one. Hey. The G is silent.

What a terrible catchphrase. I got 20 on the fat one, the G is silent. What a terrible catchphrase. I got 20 on the fat guy. Yeah, David's doing a whole catchphrase thing on stage now. I don't know how I feel about it. If I just went to someone's grammar Twitter and their caption was, I got 20 on the fat guy, followed. Okay. I think mine is like a too short quote

usually. I think it says like if you don't like my dirty raps you can go to hell. Yeah no I'm not going to say it. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Yes sir. What do you got coming up man? I have absolutely no gigs that start the day that this

drops through Monday. I have no gigs in the greater northwest area with two of my good friends. I have no gigs. No one on this podcast is going to inform you of any gigs that I have that weekend. The next weekend, though, catch me at the Velveeta room in Austin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? You'll get the cut of the door that you just earned, okay?

Yeah, and then, you know, high planes. I got some, I haven't even told you guys, I got some big news coming up. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk after. Oh, I'm very excited for that. But yeah, it's going good.

I'm happy. I love when you have big news. Are we gonna be doing some more accomplishment drinking soon? Oh yeah. Girl. I'm very excited. This is how comedians die. I wanna like turn the recording off and find out now. I know. I know. We'll find out yeah. Girl. I'm very excited. This is how comedians die. I want to like turn

the recording off and find out now. I know. I know. We'll find out after. But High Plains just to touch on that so for everyone

who's been asking the ticket link we don't have it yet. As soon as we have it we will tweet it out and everything but if you're looking if you want updates

go to the High Plains website and sign up for their mailing list because then as soon as the schedule comes out and I want anyone if there's any fans, thank you, first of all. You're fucking awesome. But we want you to be able to get in before people who just have a wristband

and are just going to go. So we'll all post as soon as we know when it's up, but just pay attention to High Plains website. Can I say secondly about that show? You do not need to bring me any Cuddy Sark. No. I repeat, don't bring me any Cuddy Sark. No. I repeat, don't bring me any Cuddy Sark. I will bring it for me.

Bring it for me. We're going to get free booze all that weekend. We will already be drunk. Yeah. We will already be stoned. We're all going to be there. If you're going to bring us cash, just please catnip. Yeah.

Yeah. Duffel bag. I'm not going to tell. Just kidding. Just kidding on the cat. Honestly, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Duffel bag, I'm not gonna tell. Just kidding, just kidding on the cat. Honestly, other things you need to travel with. Maybe some clean socks, you know, a couple pairs of underwear.

Things that won't kill him. I bought some socks on the train the other day. Maybe like a t-shirt with Santa Claus' dunking, you know, a present into it. Lotions, toothpaste. You know, double XL tall, that's what I want. No, I get lotions and toothpaste at the hotel now. Okay.

Yeah. Like, if you wannaions and toothpaste at the hotel now. Okay. Yeah. Like, if you want to bring me a fanny pack with a shark laying in a beach chair with sunglasses and it says Life's a Beach on it, that's the kind of stuff I'm looking for. If you want to bring me a hat that says I got 20 on the fat guy in old English letters, preferably a snapback. Old English. Three of those. If you want to bring three of those. If you want to bring a snapback. If you want to bring a Shane's ponytail, that's the kind of stuff.

Shane will be there. We want. The more details you have, like if there's documentation, like if you have footage of you cutting off Shane's ponytail. The price goes up. Extra 10 grand. 10 grand is, let's be very clear here, the floor. Yeah.

All right? Of the bounty on Shane's ponytail? It goes up if there's video of it happening. I want you to walk up to Shane and I want him to be like, is that phone recording? And then you'd be like, no, I shut it off and then set it on the ground. And he'll think you shut it off because he's a simple man. And then you leave the audio on and then we hear the scuffle that ensues when you cut his ponytail off with a machete. If you use a machete, a katana, or any other form of ancient Japanese weaponry, that's an extra $250.

If you castrate his ponytail, put the ponytail thing so tight that it just falls off. Okay, I think the smaller device that's less sharp should be more money. The butter knife is going to take a while. That's commitment. That's a good call. That's commitment.

That's a two-man job to cut that one off with a butter knife. You've got to distract him for a good hour. Yeah, that's an operation. If you style his hair to give a fun Guy Fieri look after you cut the ponytail off, that's an extra $300. Yes, there it is.

So all this, and we'll have a graph, we'll have a pie chart. Just in case any of you psychos like Pants Lasagna are listening, don't actually do this. Pants Lasagna is just gearing up in his room. Because I've gone drinking with a few of you AFE fans now, and some of you would do this, He's just gearing up in his room. Because I've gone drinking with a few of you AFE fans now, and some of you would do this.

So don't. Just watching the Saw movies on mute while they're listening to this. You're doing the Cape Fear workout. Oh, man. Don't actually cut off Shane's pony. Do the Cape Fear workout.

But like, do. Take this as you will. Yeah. Sure. In court, I didn't. Don't do it is what I said. I buy his album because he's a saint.

We love you Shane. Establish 1980. We're not even going to make fun of you at all on this episode. I didn't say shit. Garbage ogre. Lunch Me in Superhero. I thought of that one

the other day. Oh yeah. I'm so excited to see him. Yeah, me too. It's going to be the most fun weekend in Denver. It's going to be so fun. Nobody die, okay? Are you going to be there?

The elevation is high. I just read that. Elevation. Oh, my God. We can listen to that U2 song all the time. People kill themselves more often in higher elevations. We're not going to kill ourselves. Yeah, what?

Well, technically, we're choosing it. You think it's going to be me who takes me out? I want me to be around. I've got a long list of enemies, and I'm on it, but I'm towards the bottom. I'm at the top of the list of my own enemies. Telling us to make sure we don't die in Denver, Colorado, at the High Plains Comedy Festival is Amy Miller. Hello.

At Amy Miller on Twitter. Yep. At Amy Miller on Instagram Yep At Amy Miller on Instagram That's right Amy Miller comedy on Instagram Amy Miller comedy on Instagram Yep What the fuck?

Well, I'll also be at High Plains trying not to die But before that, I'm going on a little tour with my good friend Chris Charpentier Okay His third comic won't be named Oh But he's got $20 on the fat one, if you know what I mean. David and Chris and I are coming to delight you in Salem on August 2nd at the Capital City Theater. That place is dope.

That's the day this comes out, right? Right. Salem, Oregon. Tonight, Salem, Oregon. Sunday, Portland, Oregon. Siren Theater. Another dope place. Sunday the 5th, yes.

Monday, August 6th, Laughs Comedy Club in Seattle. All those tickets are available on those websites. Oh, really? Go to my Twitter or my website. Going up to Laughs. Laughs Comedy Club on a Monday night. Neato Frito. More people show up, more money we make, and the more I take from David.

Come on. Because of his lack of promotion. I did a funny thing. Oh. I'm not even technically supposed to be. I'm Suge Knight on this tour. thing. I'm not even technically supposed to be over here. I'm on probation. He's supposed to be in Maryland right now.

David's on house arrest in Maryland in a condo that he owns. His blue crab racket got busted by the FDA. That's what I get for selling him out the Motel 6.

But they were cool about it. They caught me crab trapping. Crab trapping. Oh, we're going to see a lot of Motel 6s. Oh, I love Motel 6. Me too. I like the hardwood floors. Yeah.

Feels cleaner to me. I like it when you wake up and they got a waffle bar at the Super 8. It's so much cheaper. I'm just fine with it now. You know you can get at a waffle bar at the Super 8? Yeah, dude. It's so much cheaper. I'm just fine with it now. You know you can get at a waffle bar. Waffle topless. Waffle topless. Month-long callback.

Waffle topless. Waffle topless. Waffle topless. Well, I was going to say. Oh, I've been known to waffle when I'm topless. David, which kind of 40 do you want? And why don't you have your shirt on in the gas station while I'm waffling between you? Just give me a beer!

I want the wet one. Man, I gotta say, I think I'm jacked up on cold brew right now. Dude, I'm fucking flying right now. Yeah, I'm wired. It feels like I'm about to get cocaine jogged. You know, real quick, I did forget to say that I'm doing the business in Los Angeles on August 6th.

You had your chance. It is at Little Joy. Nobody go. Then I'll be doing Good Heroin at Echoes on August 4th. Or no, Stories in Echo Park on August 4th. Good Heroin in Los Angeles. You'll see those. Please listen to my podcast, Who's Your God?

Wanda Sykes was on it. Say it louder. Yeah. My podcast, Who's Your God? Wanda Sykes was on it. Say it louder. Yeah. My podcast, Who's Your God, is very good. Okay. Now's the time you're going to shrink? It's very good. You've just been here busting singers.

Now you're going to hide your light from the world? Wanda Sykes was on it. Yeah. Take it out from under the bushel. Let it shine. Who's Your God cast on Twitter. Check it out. It's amazing.

Claire O'Kane's our guest this week. If you listen to every All Fantasy Everything a fifth time and all the other HeadGum podcasts, please, please listen to Amy's podcast. Please, please do. Thank you. Yeah. Desperately want you to do that. But again, those first ones first.

Do you guys like when I get fake modest? Yeah, it's weird. No, I don't feel good about it. You're like a professional wrestler. That's not the mom we know. My blood's running cold and it's 100 degrees out. It is. The person whose blood is running cold is Ian Carmel.

Playboy. Ian. Hi, it's me, Ian. God, I hate my name. Hello, me. It's me again. It's me again. Me, bro.

At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. Sure. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Bumble. Fuck. I I mean listen to All Fantasy Everything come see Good Looks

this went oh no last night the first and third Wednesdays in LA uh fucking I don't know what else

buy 9.2 on Pitchfork from Kill Rockstar's record there it is and Ian Carmel uh watch the Late Late Show James Corden yo watch our

Tom Cruise sketch shit's crazy that shit is so tight crazy from my year he's intense he's an intense man he's like camping dude he is intense

intensity intense Cirque de Soleil bro intense live at Budokai dude real life gonzo he's like a corn dog stand at a state fair bro he is in

and then the second word is tense but one word sure that kind intense stand at a state fair, bro. He is in. And then the second word is tense. But one word. Sure. Intense. He's fucking cool, though, man. I know the Scientology stuff wigs people out and is bad.

And is bad and is shady shit. You're working for him. Yeah. I know all that shit, but listen, it's still just cool to meet Tom Cruise, man. It's Tom fucking. It's fucking Tom Cruise. His name is Tom Cruise. Yeah.

His name's Tom Cruise. It's so crazy that his name is Tom Cruise. It's so sexy that his name is Tom Cruise. Mappether. Tom Mappether. Yeah. Tom Cruise Mappether. What a name.

He knew. Yeah. He knew Tom Mappether wasn't going to be jumping out of airplanes at the age of 55. Tom Mappether doesn't know how to be jumping out of airplanes Tom Mappether doesn't know how to use a toothpick Nah dude I had a bit

that I used to do at Best Buy Probably did it Probably did it four times in my life Love the Best Buy bit Where I walked up with two Tom Cruise movies

and I would say something about like where do you think I should set the cruise control to one of the employees Wait that was a bit that you walked I thought you meant

you know you did this I did this in Best Buy a couple times And you've done it multiple times Like four times I did this in Best Buy a couple times. And you've done it multiple times. Like four times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it one time in Oregon, like three times at the Sioux Falls Best Buy.

I'd walk up to an employee and be like, where should I set the cruise control? Who did you, did you just do it for yourself? Were you just doing it for yourself? No, I was always with somebody. Okay, I thought you just went in like, man, I'm feeling down. I got 20 minutes to kill before this movie. Well, if I was feeling down, it made me feel worse because it never got a laugh. That's criminal.

I laughed at it every time. You should have hucked him at him and been like, watch out, cruise missiles. You're cruising for a bruise and I'm throwing bricks at him holding a time cruise missile. You're hucking something at somebody. You know. You know, those social bits. For God's sake. For God's sake.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Now a nice, calm energy falls over the podcast. Laker girls. Laker girls. LeBron James. LeBron James.

LeBron James. Yo! Laker girls. It's creepy. It's creepy hours on the podcast. We are not gathered here to say Laker girl is all creepy. Right in your ear. Directly, if you're wearing headphones, directly into your ear holes.

Yuck-zilla. Ear holes. I hate when people say that. And now I hate myself. It's like mouth hole. You can believe. When you put the whole pie food into your mouth hole and watch some sports ball with the game point. Oh, God.

Fuck you, Chris Hardwick. Fuck you. Fucking sports ball. I willwick. Fuck you. Fucking sports ball. I will fucking... All right. And that's the least of your worries. We're not gathered here to say fuck you, Chris Hardwick, although it's fun. We're gathered here in beautiful downtown Los Angeles.

Just a whisper from Skid Row. In the immaculate HeadGum Studios basking in the glory of super producer Marissa. Ah, there she is right over there. She's waving. Waving. Saying hello to everyone,

even the haters. There's no haters. There can't be. If there are, they're not listening right now. Even Shane, when he fuck, eat shit,

all fantasy, everything. Love you, Marissa. That's like, you know you're doing it. Y'all. Need to get y'all shit together. We're here to draft barbecues.

It's the middle of fucking summer, for God's sake. Check your calendars. I mean, I don't know when you're listening to this. Maybe it's December. Maybe it's December 2025. Sean, David, and I have just been gunned down by the crips that sean joined you know well i don't know what's gonna happen in the next six years i don't know what's gonna

happen because i quit successfully and they've always been mad about that yeah there's always been and also i'm the best at this so maybe it became a big gang war and like you know we killed most of them but it was sort of a like blaze you know we got guns now blaze of glory in the future we're riding triceratops by way. That's 2023 when that happens. Oh, I thought that was a kind of rims. No, no, no, no, no. We're riding literal Triceratops. Okay.

Yeah. But they're fast. So we should make some rims called Triceratops. We really should. Like when they're making sedan dualies? We got to do it before next Thursday. Otherwise, somebody's going to jump on that. We're here to draft barbecues.

And just in general, this is like if you're a regular listener to All Fantasy It's going to be kind of like the malls episode Where we just draft anything about barbecues that we like Loose It's a loose game of poker And to determine the order of this draft We're going to do a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors Play between the three of you

And we throw on shoot Here we go Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oops. Okay. All right, well, Amy messed it up. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. Came back the same.

I knew it was gonna be. Champion. Why did I do the same? Champion. Now, David, it is up to you to determine the order of the draft. Before you do, I want to remind you that it is a serpentine draft.

And now what does that mean? That's a great question. You know, I would think, up to 100 episodes almost, I would think you guys get it. But it's fine. I'm not smart. So it's sort of like, let's say David had a couple bags of chips when he came up here. One of them was Doritos. One of them was Lay's. Hypothetical.

Let's just say. And let's say, you know, you take a bag of the Doritos, you eat a Dorito, then you go to the Lay's, you get laid real quick. Let's say he offered me some and then judged me for not wanting any Cool Ranch Doritos. You judged me for offering you Cool Ranch Doritos. First thing in the morning.

That's sort of a deviation from the serpentine draft that I'm trying to do. This is for you, Amy. I want you to understand how the draft works. Please nobody talk during the explanation. It is a very complicated process and we need the listeners to understand. Complete silence, please. Okay. Now I'm going to start over.

Let's say David walks up here, hypothetically, with a bag of Doritos and a bag of Lays. Grabs a Dorito, eats a Dorito. Goes to the Lays, gets laid. He's like, those Lays are pretty dope. Goes to the Lays, gets laid again. Then he's like, I want a Dorito. Goes to the Doritos, eats a Dorito. He's like, those Doritos are pretty dope.

Grabs another Dorito, eats a Dorito. So just kind of a back and forth type thing. One at a time, you know? So in other words, you get fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Sort of. I mean, if you want to.

Now, David, the order of the draft will be. Here's how I'm going today. Sean, David, Amy, Ian. Ooh, I love that. Thank you. God damn you. Thank you. Wow.

I'm Usain Bolt running that anchor. So it's what is it? It's Sean, David, Amy, Ian. Yep. Man, I was ready to go dead last because that's what. This tour is going to be tense. I'm ready to go dead last, bro, because I'm in the gym every day, dog. Now, so with the first pick of the Barbecue All Fantasy Everything, Sean, we will find

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I'm saying. Like why are they so expensive? Like I'm Iron Man. I need to shave with Iron Man's razors all of a sudden. I don't. We're not chopping down trees. It's facial hair, folks. I mean, you know, brutish facial hair, but yeah.

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Hook yourself up with some wipes. Crispy. Get that executive treatment, baby. Fresh. Back to the show. And we're back. Sean Jordan, it is time for your first pick in the barbecue all fantasy everything draft. Okay. You motherfucker. it is time for your first pick in the barbecue all fantasy everything draft okay you motherfucker

I don't so I'm gonna pick one specific thing and I think it's gonna leave it open but I'm gonna pick cornhole bean bags

alright yeah yeah yeah so I don't know if that like you're gonna pick that first I knew you were gonna say cornhole and there was something else where are you from again South Dakota

what part of the country is that Sioux Falls it's right there in the Midwest oh there we go. Okay, you're picking Cornhole. It's a fucking game that everybody likes playing, and people don't admit they like playing it. I enjoy it. It's fun.

It's like look down on, like it's a bro-y thing, but it's also just super fun. No way, man. I put it up there with Giant Jenga. I like that it can have a theme. You know, you can have a clown face. Yeah. Throw red bags into it. You can have a baseball theme.

Whatever you want. You know, it could be Donald Trump's mouth and you could be throwing truth bombs into it. Yes. And that's how we're taking them down, by the way. Or truth dongs into it. Or truth dongs. It's literally a piece of wood and some sandbags.

It's a beautifully simple game. It's so fun. That's how I've been described. And I don't really like bar room type games because for me the real game when you're drinking

is the art of conversation but Cornhole I do like I do enjoy Cornhole I like the I like a I like a fun game where you can talk shit

and there's no physical it's not a physical game yeah those are the best kind of games where you can be like you can have no skill completely lucky just throwing a bean game. Those are the best kind of games where you can be like, you can have no skill, completely lucky, just throwing a beanbag

and you can talk all this shit. Yeah. It's so fun to me. And you can stay in the party. It's not like a kickball situation where you're like, the 12 of us will be back in two hours.

Nothing's flying out. We're walking four blocks. Yeah. I don't like that. Nothing's getting busted. It's just as simple and people can watch. You can sit.

You can still chill. You can hang out and it's like pretty much a staple of every year. It's just as simple, and people can watch. You can sit. You can still chill. You can hang out, and it's pretty much a staple of every... It's a cold drink. That being said... It's a fun game that's easy, and it'll goddamn get you there. That being said, I do feel like Horseshoes is the superior game. That's what I'm saying. Don't name other games.

Oh, shit! I'm sorry. I want you to know I put Cornhole on my list just to fuck you, but I didn't go first. No, you didn't. I went first. And that's why I picked it. Whatever. I feel like that's the common play these days is somebody trying to fuck you in this game.

It's because I've won the last three weeks, bro. The fans. The fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lost in another game, which was putting the pole up correctly. And you lost twice. You were the Buffalo Bills of that shit. I got a double

Robert Parrish on that old double zero I put it up wrong and Ian's like bro it's you spelled poll wrong I was like yes I did

and then the other one I got the wrong Twitter handle or something what a dipshit moron anyway yeah Cornhole I absolutely love it

and it's growing in popularity which is fun I feel like it's spreading out of the Midwest love it. Yeah. And it's growing in popularity, which is fun. It is getting big. It's spreading out of the Midwest, which is a good thing. Yeah, it's all over the place. You don't even have to make your own anymore. No.

It's because y'all finally started moving to the coasts. I mean, it is very quaint in the Midwest, but yeah, we started to kind of branch out. Well, you know what the Midwest is. Young and restless, dude. It's because you're up late thinking of cornhole strategies. Well, it's actually because I'm up late thinking about how to snatch Shane's necklace, is what it is. Taking that chain.

Taking that chain. Give me that chain. That Shane chain. We're out here Shane snatching. Shane chain chain. Shane chain. Shane's lame chain. Shane's lame chain.

By his album, he's the shit. Shane's lame chain. All right. Damn. Yeah. Tangled web. Yeah, cornhole, man. It's fun. And you feel like you did something. And somebody wins. It's lame, shame. All right. Damn. Tangled web. Yeah, Cornhole, man. It's fun.

And you feel like you did something. And somebody wins. It is a good game. Yeah, and I like that you can, I mean, it's a game you can play

with a drink in your other hand. Sure. Which is important for us. That's key. Yeah. It's gonna be a through line of this whole mofka. It's important for a

bizzle bizzle quizle, you know? Yeah, it is. And that's one of those things if you said that on the other end of the cornhole game, I'd be like, what was that?

I didn't, I don't know what you said. I said, bizzle, bizzle, quizzle, young Sean Jordan. Word. Yep. I just say word real loud. Then I take a long pull off a pint glass that only has tequila in it. Yep. Because you can do that when you're outside.

Yeah. Yeah. That's not. There's no rules. I'm not trying to hide this from God. He knows what I'm doing. I'm out here. He made the world, you know. They made the world. I'm out here.

Oh. Young pro-nail God. We all appreciate that. David Boy, it is time for your first pick. So here's a thing that I love, but mostly this one is from barbecue restaurants, but I still feel like it's under the barbecue umbrella.

I already took cornhole. You need to calm down. I was really thinking about this thing, and I was like, really the majority of the time I eat it is in a barbecue situation, and it's pork. Pork is, just because, pork ribs, pulled pork. Yeah. Pork is just because pork ribs. Yeah. Pulled pork. I usually only bake it. What do you mean?

List all the things you can go on. You know what I say when, David, I go, I walk up, I go, you got pork. No, I just don't. I don't. I mostly just eat bacon. And other than that, like, I don't buy pork at the store. I don't. But when I'm barbecuing down, pork is my first meat.

Yeah. Like, I want swine. I don't even want pork. I want a fat, burnt piece of swine. Pulled pork. Yes. Pulled pork. Hot links. Yeah.

Burnt hot links. So you're taking all of pork? We're doing that? We're taking all of pork? Okay. Whole animals. We were so vague. We were so vague.

I think all the porks. The passion of the explanation. You know, part of me, when I first heard pork come out of your mouth, rather than go into it, which I celebrate. Part of me, there was a part of me where I'm like, do we have to, is this an egg situation? Are we going to have to go back? Is this two? Is this two?

But the passion of your explanation. Thank you. And the specificity. Thank you. Folks, we're going to allow it. It's in play. For me, it rings Barbie. too but the passion of your explanation thank you specificity thank you it's just like it's a for me it rings barbecue like if i'm eating pork it's it's barbecue yeah when you go into the deli and you get some pork do you lean in and you go i like that swine to touch mine no all right is that from something or did you just make that up uh are you just trying out your bars on us what

is i'll tell you i'll tell you where i'll tell you where it came from that was so i'll tell you where it came from i work work with this dude, Keith. He's a rapper. And every time anything goes wrong, if he gets a bad call or something, he stands up and he goes, I don't let that swine touch mine. So I figured I'd do the opposite. Did not work. It was bad.

I'm grown. I can admit that. But Keith is funny. He sounds alright. I'm pretty angry now. If that was from something, I'd have let it slide. Dude, he sounds like a cool guy. He sounds all right. I'm pretty angry now. Yeah, I didn't mean to. If that was from something, I'd have let it slide, but. Dude, Marissa is frowning. I've never seen that happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, during the break, he told us his big comedy accomplishment, and now he's taking all of pork. Yeah. Oh, okay. Whoa, whoa. King David. Okay.

All right. All right. I'm just saying. You know what? I'll put a chariot. King David's kind of a Jewish thing. That's a cultural appropriation Put a fucking chariot behind the Prius

I said tang, David Okay Yeah David, let that swine touch His The swine touched mine Yeah, see, that was tight Just because I love you, I'm gonna say it too

so people are gonna be mad at us yeah maybe we'll just like ease it in throughout the episode David when you when you go to the deli counter do you say I'm gonna let that swine

touch mine I think it's funnier than you guys gave it credit for now it's us dude us bro not just me us dude us bro

I'm standing there with you if you jumped off a bridge I would yeah yeah mom my mom never said that to me yeah mom shout out to say it's Too Caramel.

He's a supporter friend. I just like how pissed off Amy is. I like ribs, okay? Nothing new. You know what I mean? Give us the top five porks that you wanted to barbecue. Top five porks that I wanted to barbecue? Yeah.

Ribs, hot links, pulled. Yep. Pulled. Pulled is real. No, yeah. It's just dope. pulled. Yep. Pulled. Pulled is real. No, yeah, it's just dope that it's a fun pulled. Wait, are the other ones not real? No, I mean, that's so special. Because if you get in a barbecue restaurant, that's normal.

But if someone pulls it off on a home barbecue, then you're like. Oh, man, especially if they're like, oh, I did it with root beer and brown sugar. God bless you. You've been making it for three days. Yeah, just stewing in it. Fuck. God, we need some root beer in here. All right, I'm back in on David.

All right, yeah. Can I throw one at you? Fucking carnitas, dude. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Somebody's cooking up some carnitas in a bar with you? Somebody makes carnitas. Dog.

Oh, man. I'm wearing like a- It's so hot. Dude, I a barbecue. When somebody makes carnitas. Dog. Oh, man. I'm wearing like a- It's so hot. Dude, I'm wearing like a Team Mexico soccer jersey. I'm fucking in, dude. I would also say a pork chop. Throw that on the grill. Sure.

Sure you do. Delicious. You can. Wop, wop. Man. Maybe I should just get into pork more. Dude, yeah. Let's eat some pork on this tour.

Pork, pork. Yeah. Oh, the pork tour? Yeah. We should have gone- That's what they pork on this tour. Pork on this tour. Yeah. Oh, the pork tour? Yeah. We should have gone. It's like a new tour, but it's with pork. That's what they were calling it anyways. Porking up the West Coast.

You guys doing a show in Porkland? Come out and see us in Porkland. Porkland, Oregon. Are you going to be in Portland on Saturday? Sunday. Just Sunday. But Saturday, too. Yeah, we'll be there the whole weekend.

Oh, we're doing Pickathon, too. Yeah, because we'll be at Pickathon. We'll be around. Where is that in? It's in Happy Valley. Oh, okay. Which, also, come see us if you're doing Pickathon, too? Yeah, because we'll be at Pickathon. We'll be around. Where is that in? It's in Happy Valley. Oh, okay. Which also comes,

see us if you're at Pickathon. It's just hell of expensive if you're not already going. I'd like to say Boycott Pickathon. They never asked Portland, Oregon's favorite child, Kevin Duckworth, or me, to do it. I booked the comedy.

What the fuck, Amy? Yeah, I was going to say, Amy booked it. I want to turn it down because I play way bigger venues. They can't afford you, trust me. No offense to all my friends who said yes. Yeah.

Hey, you know who they can afford? 20 on the fat guy. I got one city where I'm expensive, and that's the one. This is my most expensive city. Everywhere else, I am well cheap, dude. I'm like a game of cornhole somewhere in the Midwest. For sure. I'll tell you, they did ask.

Oh, precious. First year, they said, can we get Ian, Bronger, and Funchess? I said, sure. Yeah, definitely. Oh, that's tight. They might have been able to lure the first two with the promises of alcohol and access to bands, but Funch ain't getting out of bed for that. No.

Pork, we're going to let pork ride it. Amy, we're going to see what your first pick is. Okay, my first pick is also a food. Yeah. And I'm going to take potato salad. Oh, fuck! But with a big caveat, which is if we're at a home barbecue something to keep it cold okay yes and something to cover it the fucking so we're talking about an ice bath and

at least a paper towel yeah wait you don't like your flies get in it you don't like your potato salad the temperature of the sun with flies on it it's just i thought that's exactly what you wanted when it's 6 p.m and you're hammered and you're like, I guess I'll eat this again. Well, you know what I do when it gets kind of warm? I put it on a cheeseburger. Let's calm down. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm saying. It's all fucking calm down. All right? I haven't said another guess yet. Everybody, just fucking chill out. I'm so excited.

It's this cold brew. It's got me going. Put my sunglasses on. I haven't said one extra guess yet and I will continue. Data It's this cold brew. It's got me going. Put my sunglasses on. I haven't said one extra guess yet, and I will continue. Data salad on an ice bath. Yes. With at least a paper towel. That's my number one.

Now I can't, so I'm just going to say it. It's just salads with mayonnaise in them. That's one of my favorite things about barbecue. Oh, no. I'm not taking the whole category. You can't. It's gone. It's gone.

I'm not going to slide in with mac salad after potato salad. That's crazy. I would say mayonnaise and some chopped up celery. Yeah. Man, I like it. Have you ever had somebody, Chris Riggins did this at my house a few times, where he just brought potato salad from the store, and then he hooked it up with his own shit. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. You can do that. Oh, I love it when people remix the potato salad. Did he just whip the fuck out of it when he did that? He came in. He was like, it was so funny. We were having a barbecue and he came in and he was like, I hope you got some mayonnaise and some hot sauce.

I'm going to hook up this potato salad. And I was like, I was so sure you meant you were going to make potato salad. Then he put some hot sauce in it. He put a little more mayo in it. What the fuck out of it? Put a spoon in there and just whip the fuck out of it. Holy fuck, I'm going to get a fucking whip the fuck out of it. Put it through the glass. Put the spoon in there. Just put the fuck out of it. Holy fuck. It's going to get a fucking whip.

Get the fuck out of it. Hooked it up. Maybe some bacon. Maybe even some more hard-boiled eggs. Then you put the spoon in there. Just put the fuck out of it. Whip the fuck out of it. That might have been a different version of the one we did previously.

Oh, that's tight. I'm in a different place in my life. No, that was dope. Potato salad, though, is good. And the caveat is necessary. Oh, very, very necessary. It gets nasty. Yes.

Yeah. And it's just like, it feels like a cesspool at the end. Sometimes a hero's got to come along and even stick it back in the cooler for a minute. Yeah. Until the next wave of friends shows up. Let's let her cool down for a second. Yeah. Nice.

Until the hero comes along. I'm going to take working. Take a breather. Until the night. I'm going to take this away from the night ship until the night ship gets in. Yeah. They got to eat. There's a thin line

between a delicious potato salad and a hot mayonnaise mistake. Yeah, dude. Where you just, it touches the spoon and it just looks like

you just cooked heroin on it. Yeah. Hot mayonnaise mistake is another good name for our tour. Yeah. Hot mayonnaise mistake is another good name for our tour. Hot mayonnaise mistake. Do you guys have tour posters?

You go, no, and you just slap someone with a handful of mayo? Get out of here. That's our band tour. My name is Amy Miller, and we're the hot mayonnaise mistake. We, collectively, are the one mistake. Yeah, we're the hot. It's an experience. Like the ones in the machine, dude.

If you think I don't have mayonnaise packets in my glove box, you're fucking crazy. I never thought that you don't have mayonnaise packets in your glove box. They're just sitting there in your car cooking in the hot, hot sun. A little OMC reference. Oh, how bizarre.

Yeah. In the hot, hot sun. Suddenly red blue lights flashing from behind. Policeman taps his shades. Is that a Chevy 69? How bizarre. How bizarre. How bizarre.

Oh, baby. You're making me crazy. You're making me crazy. Every time I look around. Every time I look around. Every time I look around. Every time I look around. It's in my face. Running in.

Oh, baby. That was fucking perfect. Oh, baby. Yeah. We nailed it. That was really good. I'm trying to listen to the home. Sean, you want to clarify for them?

That OMC was not here. They were not here. That was actually just the four of us. Yeah. All hopped up on cold brew. They did not rip off the ceiling, rappel in, sing a short portion of their hit song, How Bizarre, rappel

back up and fly back to New Zealand, where I believe they're from. Really? Yeah, Australia or New Zealand. Didn't know that. I can barely tell the difference. Facts up here, dog. I could never tell the difference. Never. Nope. Not noy, no eva. Noy. Never. Time for my first pick, dog. I could never tell the difference. Never. Nope. Not noy. No, ever. Noy. Never.

Time for my first pick, and also my second, as it is. Yes, sir, but teacher. And with my first pick, I'm going to take maybe my favorite thing about barbecues, which is a simple,

perfect cheeseburger. Yeah. Okay. It's the best. It's just so good. You know, I keep them real simple. Yes.

I don't go nuts. It's like just the cheese. I love looking keep them real simple. Yes. Nothing crazy. It's like just the cheese. I love looking at the burger on the grill, seeing the cheese melt, and you're like, I'm going to fucking eat that thing. Juice is flowing. It's that big, thick slice, and it sort of starts to drape over the burger a little bit. Yeah, because it's the store-bought big, thick Tillamook. It's like dusty almost.

You know what I mean? When you get the cheese, you're like, you have to blow it off like it's a book that hasn't been opened since the Renaissance. This cheese was actually in Indiana Jones in the last crusade. It was the book. It was the book. And even just the cheapest patties in that stack where they're all stuffed together. Oh, yeah. You flip them off and huck them on.

Yes. Premaids are good on the grill. And then maybe they throw the bun on for just a second. Just one. Oh, second. Just one turn around the carousel. That is a secret. What do you put on it?

That's my question. That's another part of the simple. Can we say all this stuff? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean, because you can, right? I think we can, right? No one's going to just pick condiments, right?

Well, because he picked cheeseburger, right? Well, it's simple. It's a simple cheeseburger. I'm not going to. Ketchup. Yeah. Okay. One swipe of mayo.

Okay. And this is barbecue only, because I'm a fancy mustard boy. Yeah. But at a barbecue. A French's. Just that French's. Yeah. Okay. One swipe of mayo. Okay. And this is barbecue only because I'm a fancy mustard boy. Yeah. But at a barbecue. A French's. Just that French's. Yeah. Just a little circle of that.

And then if they got them, like if it's a cold lettuce leaf, I'll put that on there too. Oh, Chicago style. Yeah. Will you ever throw potato chips on there? Sure, maybe. That might be something that comes up later. Okay.

Yeah. Self-sacrificing. All this shit I talk. All this shit I just talk. Yeah, you just talk so much. That might be something that comes up later. Okay. Yeah. Self-sex. All this shit I talk. All this shit I just talk. Yeah, you just talk so much. That might come up later. All right. That might come up later.

But yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, just a good- I was going to ask about pickles. Yes. Well, if there's pickles there, I don't go to a lot of barbecues where there's pickles. Oh, that big ass jar of pickle chips?

You got to have it. Like the coins? Yes. See, because I won't put a spear on there. That's doing too much for me. No, you want the medallion. Yes. But my one concern with pickle, and I love a pickle on a cheeseburger, don't get me wrong,

but at a barbecue, you're doing a lot of standing eating, right? Yeah, yeah. And a pickle, if it releases too much moisture, is going to make that ketchup and that mustard and that mayo into a slurry that might drop down onto the beautiful pastel shirt that I wore for just this occasion. Yeah, same thing for me, but gray t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew what I was doing.

It's 85 degrees out. Same thing for me. What was I thinking? Same thing for me, but onto my body. Yeah, onto his naked chest. He's shirtless for sure. Onto my sunburned body. Onto the boa constrictor you have wrapped around your torso.

Or the deep, deep Justin Timberlake-esque mid-90s turtleneck that I am wearing. At this hot, hot barbecue. My kimono can take a couple drops of ketchup. No one's... The pattern is loud. You guys see Amy? Yeah, she's in a kimono. No one's gonna see it.

Marissa's custom Overwatch cosplay outfit can take a couple drops of ketchup, all right? Patterns. It's been through fucking war. It can take the ketchup. Yeah, dude. Simple, perfect cheeseburger. I just love a good barbecue.

Because, you know, I'll while out and get a crazy cheeseburger sometimes at a restaurant just to see what they're up to. Yeah, Red Robin, you get all wacky or something. Yeah, put some blue cheese on it. Yeah. But honestly, at this point in my goddamn life,

I just want that simple cheeseburger for the most part. You don't have to impress anyone. What are you doing? God damn it. Gotta live your life. I just want that simple cheeseburger. You can have it, Ian.

Thank you. Yeah, totally. I put societies out here, though, trying to get peppercorns. They are, and they don't leave. Society does not leave, I'll tell you. God, you know,

just let a man live. They're always out here. My second pick is when a small bottle or flask gets passed around. Oh! Yeah. That's when Sean Jordan shows up to the party. A pass the shit Sean Jordan move. Sure.

As we call it. Little game. Simple for anyone that doesn't know. Real simple rules. A game called pass the shit. Yep. You get a flask or a small bottle or a giant bottle. It could be Boone's Point. It could be whatever. Talk about it. And you take a drink of the shit A game called Pass the Shit. Yep. You get a flask or a small bottle or a giant bottle. It could be Boone's, it could be whatever.

Talk about it. And you take a drink of the shit, then you pass the shit. Here's my problem with Pass the Shit. Let's hear it. Herpes? No matter what, no. Okay. Every time I've played with you, we always drink the full bottle, regardless of size

or amount of people. We have a different game that we play. A certain inside game called Finish the Shit. Yeah. It's just like- That's a high level Pass the Shit. It game called Finish the Shit. Yeah. It's just like- That's a high level Pass the Shit. It's happened to me too many times. It's Russian Roulette.

And I'm sitting on too many floors or in somebody's kitchen where I just, me and you, and then we just drank a bottle of Jamo. Yeah. And now it's 9.45. Well, that's the problem with Pass the Shit. You don't count those drinks. Right. Because you just forget about them.

You don't get those drinks. Because you forgot. But then at 1.30 when I can barely stand, I got to remember, oh, man, we drank that bottle earlier. Yeah. Me and Sean drank that bottle. We played that fun game. Yeah. We played that one game called Finish the Shit.

That game that didn't seem desperate when it was just the two of us. Pass the Shit's like being an NFL running back. It takes a lot out of you. The career might be short. You know, ramifications down the line are serious. A lot of brain damage. I got CTE for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sipping raw Cudi? You don't think I'm going to take a hit for that later on in life? I know that bill's coming due. Yeah, I got to pay that piper. Thought I could just drink in parking lots forever. I may not have student loans, but there's a bigger bill coming due later down the line. You know? You can't get out of that debt.

A one Adam Neurath is the one who introduced me to that game for another podcast. Pass the shit? Yeah, he used to, was the original show. Yeah. It was like a social bitty dude. He walked up to people with a bottle. He's like, hey, let me see that. And he goes, I got a game.

And it wasn't, it wouldn't be his bottle. He'd be like, what game? Pass the shit. Take a drink. Can you take a drink? And he goes, no, just pass the shit. And just on down the line. Like it's a joint. That's so awesome.

It's just great because you're like, you know, you'll be at a barbecue nursing beers, but you're also eating a lot of food. So you're like, sometimes you're in that like, I'm not going to get drunk at all. I'm super tired. It's late in the afternoon. Then there's just that little bottle comes out and it just kicks you up that one notch where you need to be.

Right there. It's always a little bottle too. Just a little bottle comes out, and it just kicks you up that one notch where you need to be. Right there. It's always a little bottle, too. Just a little bottle, yeah. It's a little bottle. Not like a full-size. You have a little. We played Pass the Shit at some backyard house show the other day. I bought it specifically.

So I was like, Ian's going to get here. I'm going to get a tiny bottle. No one else is trying to get tore up, I imagine, at this party. So yeah, me and you just played Pass the Shit with that little bottle. Oh, you know when it hit me was at Tony's wedding.

So all they had was beer and wine. We were sipping and sipping. And then all of a sudden, Hammy brought that whiskey. Hammy rolls up like Thor with his hammer and just sets it on the table. And there's just a huge, huge bottle of Old Crow. I think I said thank God out loud. I mean, I just, I was so happy. Oh, thank God out loud. I mean, I just, I was so happy. Oh, thank God.

If at your wedding it's either liquor or food, liquor. Yeah, yeah. We'll bring some tacos. Don't worry. Come on, yeah. I was going to get Domino's back at the hotel. Either way, Bobby. Either way.

Either way. So pass the shit. Amy, it's time for your second pick. Okay, my second pick. Okay. My second pick, I'm taking a novelty apron. Shit. Preferably kiss the cook. I just wrote it down.

I just wrote it. That was going to be my next pick. Optional matching hat. Yeah. You fucking suck. That's great. Kiss that cook, bitch. God, you suck.

I was just trying to think up puns literally just now. It would be dad related. I don't care. Grill Bill? Dude. But you put it on. What if they were twins, Grill Bill and Grill Bill Volume 2? Be be cutie.

I don't know. Be be cutie. Whatever you want. Dressed to grill. Dressed to grill. Built to grill. Grilling them softly. Oh, shit. How do you want it? Grilling them Built to grill. Grilling them softly. Oh, shit.

How do you want it? Grilling them medium, bro. Lowering grill of the food Gs. 20 years, baby. We did it, Brooklyn. I don't know why I said Brooklyn. They're out there. It's for the Hasidic Jewish community you consider yourself a part of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout outs. Crown Heights. Hank Grilliams Heights. Crown Heights, yeah. Hank, Hank Grilliams Jr. Oh, fuck yeah. Hank Grilliams III. I like that one.

I like that one a lot. Hank Grilliams III. Girl Cosby over here. You know what I mean? Oh, hey. Oh, hey. Put your eyes to sleep. Yep.

What? Is it my turn? Yeah. I don't know. We might have more grill puns. Barbecuity was a pretty good one. Bar my turn? Yeah. I don't know. We might have more grill puns. Barbecuity was a pretty good one. Barbecuity. Yeah.

Conan the Barbecue? Steven Seagal at Time to Grill? Yeah. To grill a mockingbird? To grill a mockingbird! To grill a mockingbird! You were thinking of Hard to Grill. Oh, I was thinking of Hard to Grill.

Steven Seagal starring in Hard to Grill. Oh, I was thinking of Hard to Grill. Steven Seagal starring in Hard to Grill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. To Grill a Mockingbird. That was dank. That was tight. That was pretty dank.

And a hush fell over the roof. As we're all trying to think of something that's not going to beat To Grill a Mockingbird. I know what it happened. Yeah, Novelty Apron is fun. How about this? Charmar Superstar. Okay. All right.

Didn't do it? All right. I love him, but he's an obscure reference. I don't want that swine to touch mine. Hey! How many of these do I get? Do I only get two? Because I've got to leave if it's only two.

Three strikes. I've got to go. All right, I get one more strike. It's baseball rules, baby. All right. In honor of Mike Molloy's ass, who will not go to the roost, baseball rules. Yeah, I love novelty apron. You walk in, somebody's wearing that, you're like, all right.

This guy's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's like their whole body, like just a shredded body. Yeah. That's a fun one. Or that like a bikini body, you know, where you're like, look, it's my face, but this is a bikini. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know who's a man a man who wears a novelty apron who Matthew Bronger yeah

I mean he was born to be a dad yes and he's fucking killing it on the grill him and Kara killing it on the grill and there's a novelty apron

and you're having a great time and he invited all the off duty cops that live next door and they all got the sunglasses on the back of their neck yeah you see what Bronger's wearing that's when the cop fight breaks out yeah that live next door and they all got the sunglasses on the back of their neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see what Bronger's wearing?

That's when the cop fight breaks out. Yeah, that's when the cop fight breaks out. And that's how I'm gonna get this money. And we use that money as a seed for the Roost underground gambling operation. One hand washes the other. Yeah, that's the thing.

It already sounds like an underground gambling... I feel like I've taken a lot of steps towards building my empire today. Absolutely. It's like one of those things where you didn't know that everything was going to click. Yeah. And that one thing falls into place. Yeah. Oh, this was all part of one thing.

Yeah, then you took all of pork and we knew. Okay. You're building something. All right. So let's find out which other completely broad topic you picked next. We're just talking about your second pick. My second pick, because you guys were talking about the aprons, I'm saying working the grill. Yeah.

Like being the grill person. Yeah. It's like, it's very rare that I feel like I've found my place in this big lonely world. Yeah. But when I got like a spatula and I'm the guy. It feels so good. And it's like when you're working on some shit and a bunch of dudes, like that Tim Allion joke where dudes come like sniffing around.

What do you rub those burgers with? Yeah, no, I do a mustard rub in my house. What do you got on that? This is at my house, motherfucker! Why don't you go back to your house, Bruce? Why don't you take that mustard shit across the street? Why don't you go mustard rub one out back home? Well, that's right, Bruce.

You don't have a fucking yard, do you? Well, have fun with my goddamn rub. Hand me that motherfucking shrimp kebab. I'm over here making moves, motherfucker. And then like three hours later, you walk up, you're like, Bruce, I'm sorry, but I had to let you know. Bruce, it's a territory thing. You know what it is.

You understand. I'm sorry about earlier, Bruce. You know how it is. I don't come into your lame-ass barbecue and knock the tofu nuggets out of your hand or whatever. I don't come into your kitchen when you're fucking forming smoking up the joint because you don't have a yard. Yeah.

What if I have tofu nuggets in my draft? Those burgers that look like eel. One of those eel burgers. Eel burgers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got vegan patties with fucking onion chips in them. Good for you, Frank. You got them for all the vegetarians that aren't here because you don't haveies with fucking onion chips in them. Good for you, Frank. You got it for all the vegetarians that aren't here

because you don't have any friends? Fuck you, Bruce. Get out of here. I'm going to kick your Weber over and walk the fuck out to find a real party. I like Bruce now. I'm turned around on Bruce. I like him.

Bruce is all right. He's only been divorced two months. He's thinking about the vegetarians and I appreciate that. Yeah, he tries. Bruce in here with his tan socks and sandals. He's hopeful. I'm saying it's just nice to have a job

at any social function. That's like why we're comedians. It takes hopeful. I'm saying it's just nice to have a job at any social function. That's like why we're comedians. It takes all the pressure off. People are like happy about it. I like it when they throw you curve balls. When all of a sudden they're like, hey, I know this is weird, but I showed up with a bunch of shrimp. You're like, well, why don't you make a couple boats? I got a trout.

Give me some Old Bay and some butter and I'll make this happen. You're the diver in the shrimp situation? You say it takes the pressure off. For me, I think working the grill

is a calling and I have not heard that calling because I feel the pressure. If I'm on there, I'm like, I'm fucking up. I avoid it hard. It depends on the meat for me.

Yeah. I don't want to fuck your ribs up. Right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But you can fuck a burger up. Burger. Yeah.

Dogs. Like. Other foods. Other foods. Yeah. I can do seafood. Yeah. I can do seafood now.

Just name pork foods. Yeah. I can fuck chicken up on there. Okay. I'm good with the chicken. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It is a call. It is fucking time. I don't know if you guys follow Marcella Comedy on Instagram, but you can see me grilling there the other day. Yep. Oh, you did the dogs it on deck, right? Yeah, I did the dogs it on deck. I've been-

It's a gift. And I love it. Yeah. I love it. It's just a good feeling. It's one of those dope other skills. Yeah. Yeah.

You know? It's like a skill that I got young. I would eat, because my mom used to have barbecues all my life, so even when I was like 12 13 you're like you're like yeah yeah I'm over here yep you gotta get the heat right yeah it's you gotta be able to work with a new system no matter where you go yeah you gotta be able to feel it comedy it's like a lot it's a lot of feeling it's just like yeah take the chicken off how do you know I just fucking know Jeremy Jeremy. Jeremy's Bruce's friend. Jeremy and Bruce came in the same Del Sol. Why don't you fucks go get me a Bud Light?

Jeremy sat in the back seat directly behind Bruce. Yeah, he did. Even though it's not an Uber, but he just... Jeremy, you can get up front. Yeah, Bruce. Sit next to me. I'm still next to you, Bruce. Yeah, Bruce. Oh, man. Yeah, man. Sit next to me. I'm still next to you, Bruce. Yeah, Bruce. Oh, man.

Yeah. Man in the grill. Work in the grill. That's the... I like having that job. Sean Jordan, it's time for your second and your third picks, as it is a serpentine draft. Yaxilla. So I'm going to throw you guys for a little bit of loop here.

Do it, bro. But for me, this is something I love about a barbecue. Grilled vegetables. Because I don't eat vegetables a lot. And that's the only time you do it? That's basically the only time that I enjoy a vegetable is if it's like grilled zucchini or something with like seasoning on it. Oh my god, I love it. Are you talking about

a skewer situation? Or whatever. Just throw it on there. I was just thinking of like grilled, like people I was specifically thinking of grilled zucchini. But like people just, when they just grill up vegetables, I just absolutely love it. Nice squash. And for me,

yeah, like I don't. Cauliflower in there. Oh yeah. All of it. And I can like, even if I'm not feeling it, I can put a little barbecue sauce on it.

You do that with regular cold cauliflower, you're a fucking lunatic. If you do it with grilled. That's pretty buck, dude. Agreed. If you're doing that, you're standing in front of an open fridge.

I'll say that. Yeah, for sure. The barbecue sauce is in your hand. Yeah, buck, dude. Agreed. If you're doing that, you're standing in front of an open fridge. I'll say that. Yeah, for sure. The barbecue sauce is in your hand. It's just cupped in your hand like a bologna boat. You're just looking for something to dip at that point. Then you run it under the sink, but not for long enough. There's still a little barbecue sauce in your hand. You know you're going to get it on the PlayStation controller, but fuck it. It ends up on your genitals when you jack off, because it's that kind of day. Or someone else's. Or someone else's. It ends up on your genitals. Because it's that kind of day.

Or someone else's. It ends up on mine. If I started in the fridge with a cup full of barbecue sauce, I'm not going to end having sex with a person. Never. That's never happening. I'm hoping not to see another person that day. I'm doing this because I'm alone.

I'm mad that Sean's home. You know what I mean? It's one of those kind of days. Standing right next to you like, hey man, can I get the barbecue sauce yet or what? And you're like, go out of sight. You're not here, dude. Get out of sight, bro. I know you're here, but you're not here, dude.

Go watch that live Steve Miller band concert that's playing on YouTube in the living room. On the Axis channel or whatever. On the Axis channel. Whatever that weird channel they used to play at Helium where the concerts would be on all the time. Weirdos. Yeah, I like a grilled vegetable because I'm never thinking that way. I'm always thinking like,

let me get a burger, let me get some whatever. What your boy, Ian Carmel, is going to do later is I'm going to do this, I'm going to yuck up some fucking zucchini with a little bit of,

ooh, just a little bit of Parmesan on top of it with a little bit of just a skosh. Squeeze a lemon, for sure. Yes, I'm going to make you that. Asparagus. Oh, shit.

So good. That's another one that is clutch at a barbecue, for sure. Yes, I'm gonna make you that. Asparagus. Oh, shit. Oh, God. So good. That's another one that is clutch at a barbecue, just the asparagus. I love asparagus, man. I love that it makes your pee smell weird. I wish other food had weird effects like that. Sure. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I wish there was a kind of vegetable you ate and then one of your fingernails turned purple just for like 24 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like some fruit you can eat to make you smarter. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just for a day.

Limitless raisins. Yeah. Lim, yeah, yeah. Or like some fruit you can eat to make you smarter. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just for a day. Limitless raisins. Yeah. Limitless raisins. I mean, that would be something to you, man. Maybe just over there draining the raisins. Oh, man. You know what I mean? It's just like, it's a type of fish you eat, and you have one dreadlock coming down the

side of your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It should happen more often. Why is it just asparagus? I don't know. I haven't eaten all the fishes yet. That's true. Well, we're going to get in the ocean. Sean, it's time for your third pick. We got happen more often. Why is it just asparagus? I don't know. I haven't eaten all the fishes yet. That's true.

Well, we're going to get in the ocean. Sean, tell me your third pick. We got a winner goal. All right. The third pick is going to be the age range. I like a barbecue because there's kids running around. There's old people running around. He'll tell you the war story at the barbecue.

And then you don't even have to ask. You just sit down. All of a sudden, you guys are the same age. There's fucking nine-year-olds. And then you don't even have to ask. You just sit down, all of a sudden, you guys are the same age. There's fucking nine-year-olds running around. You don't have to show them that you're hammered.

You can compose yourself. Yeah. And then you can just get nervous around kids. I do. I've always gotten nervous around kids. Ian's over there throwing them like beanbags.

I love the danger of watching a toddler around the grill, you know? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Like, don't touch that, but that's how we learn. Sip, sip, sip.

Don't touch it, but touch it. My stepdad threw a water balloon at me at a barbecue once, and I, like, caught the top of the grill with my chest because I didn't have my shirt on. And you've never forgotten it. No, no, no. It was on my birthday. I just like a good, just like a good.

Yeah. You just slide it. Yeah, I know. It was on my birthday. There's like a good, just like a good, yeah. You just slide it. Yeah, no, it was on my birthday. There's your present, some knowledge. Yeah.

Can't buy that at Target. These grill marks on your chest forever. Look like a goddamn whopper when I take my shirt off. Look like a goddamn whopper with your shirt off. No,

it's just like, it's just like one little scar. Is it still there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice dude. Damn. Yeah. Kids, man. Just everybody it's just like one little scar. Is it still there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice, dude. Damn.

Yeah. Kids, man. Just everybody running around. I like that one. Having fun at the old barbecue. No, that's a good one. And it's like, especially I've had multiple times where somebody's dad told me some crazy shit

at a barbecue where you're like, whoa, I don't know what's going on. Or you finally get to that point with your friend's dad or something where you're like, okay, now we're friends, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm a man now. Yeah, yeah.

When they started giving you beer at the barbecue. Yeah. Like 17, 18. You're talking to a dude who has a Connects auto part t-shirt tucked in the stonewashed jeans without a belt. He's got a pager. Somehow you're connecting. Yeah.

That is great. My Uncle Tim. Must be talking about my Uncle Tim. He's got a hat that says Lincoln, Nebraska on it. Absolutely. Yeah. And he's got those shades on it. Got that horseshoe underneath it.

Then he's like, Sean, what kind of homemade schnapps do you want? And I go, cinnamon. He's like, here's your own bottle. Yeah. You know, one of those. What could go wrong? Yeah. What could go wrong?

He'll stop. He's going to stop. He'll hit the limits, you know? Yeah. So I mean, Sam, like, I used to do this when I was a kid, too. Yeah. He's not going to test it every single day. Sure.

As long as there aren't any 14-year-olds there, because I don't need their fucking attitude. You don't want mid-range. The kids that are in the corner of their phone. You don't want mid-range kids. No mid-range. Right after high school should be the young bucks or children. Yes. The kids wearing the fucking.

That's their high shit. No. They got like a hoodie on and they're on their phone like listening to a podcast. Come on. As I'm on a podcast. If you're 12, stay your ass home. All right? Yeah.

You don't want to be there and I don't want you there. Yeah. You're fucking moping around like this isn't a great day. You have headphones in while your parents are talking to you? Uh-huh. Stop. You're just sneaking. I feel like those kids are crucial to remember that the older people are too drunk.

There needs to be a little judgment from an adolescent. The kids do reflect on you being drunk. Yes. That's true, too. And that's why we don't want them there. I have been in a barbecue where a 12-year-old was like, you are drunk. I'm like, whoa, you're drunk. You ask them.

You can't drive. You said this was drunk? You can't drive ever. Who's on a different level now? I'm going to sleep on your parents' couch. I'm still going to drive home later. I've been that adolescent, and we're on guard because I'm ready for the fight to break out. We've got to keep our walls up

where we play an important role. I'm going to barf. I think you got your first bath in. What do you think about that? What do you think about that? What do you think about that? You fucking mope. Get out of here. Go play Fortnite.

Go play Fortnite, dog. Oh, man. Yeah, dude. The age range. Great pick. Yeah, that's a good pick. Thank you. I was nervous about that one.

No, that's really good. That's really good. David, time for you a third pick my third pick and this is uh mostly been in la when i started having barbecues at the house kind of yeah is uh round two so like you have the barbecue yeah everybody who was initially in on it was like hey we're all gonna meet at one yeah we're gonna start grilling it's gonna be fun, right? Everything goes on at 1.

And then around 5 or 6, people start peeling off. I got a show. My girlfriend got too drunk, X, X, and X. But then you get the round 2 folks who are like, you guys still grilling? And then they come through. And that's when, because they're coming through with booze. They're not coming through with food anymore.

Now it turns into a party. Now all of a sudden, people are dancing in the living room. The sun's going down. I'm smoking cigarettes way close to the front door. Someone's fucking the cornhole thing. Yeah, yeah. Like, people are clearly making out. And like, you're like, oh shit, this transitioned to a night. Isn't Adam Sandler movie on for some reason?

Yeah, too loud. Too loud. Too loud. Too loud. Mr. Deeds. That's so funny. It's not a good one. It's not a good one. It's not one of the good ones.

It's not one with Little Nicky on. One dude watching it. Oh, man. He's been weirdly talking about Little Nicky all day. It's like, when are we going to watch Little Nicky? You're like, never, dude. We're not watching that again. Everybody smells like barbecue, like that weird mix of smoke and leather.

And now you're using some of the coals for a fire pit, okay? Yeah. Keep warm. Yeah. It's just, yeah, I just like round two barbecue. Or like, yeah, in Colorado, that would be when the fire starts. Yeah. And like everybody gathers around.

That movie thing, we were out for Bronger's birthday. He got us like a house up in wine country and we were up there. We were grilling. Like Ricky Carmona was playing music. It was fucking, we were drinking. We were having a great time. And then Bronger got in his head.

This is a Bronger-heavy podcast. But he was just like, we have to watch Warrior. Uh-huh. Shut the party down. We all went inside. That's a very serious movie. It's a. Shut the party down. We all went inside. That's a very serious movie. It's a very serious movie. Yeah.

And like it stopped streaming and he got mad and it was just like, dog. That's hilarious. Yes. You can go watch Warrior but it was like,

we have to go watch Warrior, man. You all willed it to stop streaming just with pure negative energy. Yeah. You're just throwing tinfoil around in front of like, is this going to fuck up

the streaming? I bit the fucking magnets on the internet. You climbed on the roof. Yeah, you're just throwing tinfoil around in front of like, is this gonna fuck up the streaming? I bit the fucking, I bit the internet. You climbed on the roof? Yeah. Just shaking shit up there. That is hilarious. Called a bomb threat

into whatever their cable provider was. Oh, man. Yeah, I just, yeah, round two of a barbecue. Round two is good.

And it always, I like barbecues too because they start so early. So like, even after round two, I'm in bed like drunk stone at like midnight yeah like a long fruitful day yeah and like at the end of the day you got to do the cleanup and that's like yeah i just like i just like that a barbecue kind of there comes a point where it resets itself yeah you know what i mean no i agree uh round two good pick amy time for your third pick okay um a little bit. Nope, I agree. Round two, good pick. Amy, time for your third pick.

Okay, I'm a little nervous about this one. Kind of similar to Sean's. Not something you had a lot of in South Dakota, but I'm going to say black people. You know? I was, okay, okay.

As a joke that I thought to not say, I was going to say. I was going to say the round two people are black people, but I didn't want to say it. You know what? That's when I call the cops if there's none. Okay?

If there's no black people. Right before you got out of the room. Black people? You. That is nuts. And I feel insulted because I grew up in Portland, Oregon. And you would have said also no black people at my barbecues. You've never been to a good barbecue there.

When I say Portland, I mean Beaverton, Oregon. Beaverton. Listen, you don't have to tell them. You don't have to explain to them. You've never been to a good barbecue there. When I say Portland, I mean Beaverton already. Beaverton. Listen, you don't have to tell them. You don't have to explain to them. You don't have to tell them shit.

I don't know. If there's nobody, I'm concerned. I feel like the food's not as good. I feel like the music is not as good. I've been to barbecues

that are not... I've been to mostly barbecues that are not... I mean, it is gnarly. It's a different... It's a controversial pick. It's a different thing. Hot links go a different way It's just a

Yeah It's like a vibe The macaroni's different I feel like the two of you Should talk about it I'm gonna sit over here Eatin' high over here Eatin' cheese sandwiches

Drinkin' mayo I'm just gonna love And support you guys We just got nice Cold milk over here We're just That's a joke though right Yeah

Okay I'm so uncomfortable I'm eatin' potpourri Like it's trail mix over here. That's a joke, though, right? Yeah. Okay. I'm eating potpourri like it's trail mix. So much Greek yogurt in all the salads. Man. I got an acai bowl. Yep.

I don't like weird foods at barbecues. I like, like, the six foods. Yeah. I don't need anything. You just gotta have a few basic things, you know? Yeah, like, if somebody

went crazy and made... I'm not gonna say another. Yeah, let's... Well, few basic things, you know? Yeah, like if somebody went crazy and made some, I'm not gonna say another. Yeah, let's do it. Well, I also thought when you were talking about Chris Riggins, like, zhuzhing up the potato salad from the store, like, that's a very specific thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you need that commitment.

You gotta have that. He came in hot, like he was yelling. Because we were all watching music videos, like he was yelling. Because we were all watching music videos. And he was like... Thank you. Okay. He was yelling in the car on the way over. Came in like that loud.

You didn't just start yelling. Your cords were warmed up. You're in good timbre. Oh, man. You thought you were going to need to yell when you got there. Yeah, your voice is a fine fettle. It's fun because even though it's my pick, there's very little I can say. So I'm glad you're here.

I would prefer a diverse barbecue as well. Of course. Yeah. Hell yeah. Ages, races, everything. That's the whole point of the barbecue is talking to somebody weird. We all come together. Some of the barbecues in Beaverton, you know, there were like white people

and then there were also Mormons and then like I was there too. And I was Jewish. That's crazy. Manpay was there, you know. In Sioux Falls. Half-Iron Asian.

We had people that worked at HSBC call center. We had people that worked at First Premier Bank call center. Diversity. We had people that worked at the Wells Fargo call center. Diversity.

Some people that worked at John Deere. Celebrating every call on the rainbow. Boulevard Brewing? Is that what you the Wells Fargo call center. Diversity. Some people that worked at John Deere. Celebrating every call of the rainbow. Boulevard Brewing? Boulevard Brewing. Not a Kansas City. And I just like drinking Remy outside, and that's kind of more of a black thing. I will.

You want to get into it? When are we going to start that? Yeah, I can handle it. When are we going to start that? Oh, shit. I forgot we were bringing hypnotic. This summer's been crazy. Yeah, it has.

Really, it really has been. Bring hypnotic back. Yeah. There's also other activities that show up. You know, cards, I forgot we were bringing hypnotic. This summer's been crazy. Yeah, it has, really. Bringing hypnotic back. Yeah, there's also other activities that show up, you know, cards, dice, whatever. Bones, playing bones is really fun. Yelling dominoes, good. Or just, like, playing dominoes with people who don't know how to play dominoes, and they, like, don't call out their points or don't yell domino, and then somebody just, like, screaming at them, teaching somebody to play spades. Yeah. Just, like, don't call out their points. Or don't yell domino. And then somebody just like screaming at them.

Teaching somebody to play spades. Just like, yeah, man. Yes. I like that also there's like a level of judgment, you know. If there's like, when you guys show up. This is why you like it. Because it's judgment. Because other white people are getting judged.

Back to control. Yes. Yes. We need it. It's just like the adolescent thing, you know? You need a reflection of what you're doing wrong at the barbecue. People do go crazy at barbecue sometimes. Like when somebody's like, mom is smoking cigarettes, and you're like, you got to chill.

That specifically happened to me where I'm like, Tammy, I get it. We're at the lake, but you cannot go that hard. You don't smoke, Tammy. Exactly. You know Tammy. It's Tammy Tammy. Yeah, Tammy gets drunk and smokes at the lake, and she smokes crazy. She's like, I love smoking. I'm like,

everybody's right here. You're going to throw up. Yeah, you're going to. Then she goes and pees in the lake oh man shout out to tammy she's never gonna listen to this podcast i'd say in general if you have like one kind of person there's not as much yeah we got to regulate each other's behavior true yeah my mom was real good about doing that at her barbecues because there'd be like weird foreign people and then like people who play music like it was just like always a real weird i want that i want like yeah what, what do fucking people

who grew up in Sweden know about barbecue? They cook outside though. You know they cook outside. What do they bring? They're bringing something. Yeah, man. I mean, I don't trust the Swedes like that, but Norwegians cook outside.

I would never trust a Swedish person. God, no. Please. I'm not saying that, dude. One of the only photos I've seen of your mom, she has a spatula in her hand. And a shirt that says, you don't her hand. Yeah, that's probably- And a shirt that says, you don't know me.

Oh, that was at a barbecue. Yeah. Novelty shirt, okay? Yeah, novelty shirt. No, I said, you ain't me on it. Yeah, that's true. You ain't me? Yeah, because I was like, what are you doing?

And she's like, I've had it a lot. But she's like me. Like, I don't know. That was at a black people barbecue, though. And I ate too much potato salad that day. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And I bet it was covered.

Yeah, it was covered. The people we were barbecuing though, it was just like black people and some Trinidadians and none of those. They don't fuck around. They don't fuck around with flies in the food. No toboggans though. Get off my back. Excellent pick.

Question mark? Fresh off. Uh, time for my third and fourth picks. Yes, sir. With my third pick, I'm going to say, uh, play, playlists, although it could be radio too, but whatever. Playlists that include quite a bit of music, maybe exclusively made before 1996. Yo, because then you can tell those judgmental teens that they don't know about. quite a bit of music, maybe exclusively, made before 1996. Yo. Because then you can tell

those judgmental teens that they don't know about. Fuck off. You don't know about this. You weren't there in summer. While you do a weird sexy dance in front of them. You're a Togeto superstar.

You don't know Simply Red? All right. But they oddly do know who Praz is because it's always bothered everyone. They love Praz. Yeah. They did Praz. Yeah. They did a deep dive. I don't want to hear new music at a barbecue.

I don't want to be there listening to, you know, just to harken back to last week, Dua Lipa, who we've gotten quite into. Shout out to Jill. Yeah. But like, I don't want to hear like hits. No. Same thing at a pool. I took myself, you know, to the Ace Hotel in the desert.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to dry out a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Also to soak up some gin. And laying by the pool and fucking this bugs me so much. These people brought their own music to the pool. That's so

presumptuous. Are they bumping out of a Beats pill or whatever? Shut up. They play music. They have a DJ who's playing music made mostly before 1996. The kind of shit that fades into the background. Right. You know, not intense at all. And then all of a sudden I'm hearing fucking like, you know, just like new pop music.

And they're over there with like a waterproof. Or house music. Or like house music. Waterproof Beats pill thrown around the pool. And you're like, just fucking. Yeah. Stop. Yeah, I like that.

Wrecking everything. I mean, they didn't have it in the pool, but they had it like right next to the pool. And it's just like, don't be that person, man. People do that in my pool too. It fucking drives me crazy. It's insane to me. I can't, I can't. And granted, there were my days

where I would have loved to do that. I just look at people and be like, fuck you, I'm playing my shitty music. Those days are of a bygone era. Now, I can't imagine playing something where there's other people around. Let's never have those days. And even close to wrecking any part of their day. Yeah.

It gives me, like, goosebumps thinking about that. But, yeah, I want to hear, like, fuck, I want to hear, like, Jackson Brown, dude. Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Credence. Credence, yeah. A little bit of credence.

Credence, yeah. I want to drive to stuff. I want to listen to music at a barbecue that feels like I'm on a long desert highway. Yeah. Yeah. Like the almost famous soundtrack. And you're driving the truck. Right. Yeah, exactly.

I'm driving truck. Not even the. I'm driving truck. Sure. And the sun starts going down. And then maybe I want to hear some of that fucking early Tribe Called Quest coming in there. God, please. You know?

Please. You don't want... Yeah, nothing new, man. Yeah. Save that shit. I don't want to hear new music when I'm hot. That's just a thing. I don't want to hear new music when I'm hot.

It makes me panic. Sure. I don't want to think about Drake's feelings right now. No. Okay? I'm hot. I'm hot. I want to think about Rex and Effect and Tag Team.

Yeah, exactly. Snow. Dr. Dre. Snow? That was your number two. Max and FX. Tell me if somebody puts out Informer, you're like, well, this is hilarious. Informer's playing at this barbecue.

I think it's funny. A long version of Rapper's Delight. Summertime. The long one, yeah. 15 minutes. Because we got the time. We're not going anywhere. Where they get into all the weird shit they did.

A little bit of new shoes. I can't wait, you know? I left my watch at the door? Portland, Oregon's own. Yes, absolutely. I don't know that. I know every band that's ever come out of Portland, Oregon. I'll listen to bands I don't even like because they're from Portland. Hell yeah.

I can't wait. I know. This next one, my fourth pick, very specific. All right. If anyone was going to vote for me, I bet they're about to not. I got a pretty specific one coming up next, so. Also, people don't, I feel like people don't really, just want to say something right now to the listeners, all right?

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Listen, every song needs a bass line, okay? I'm sorry I'm not there doing the fucking crazy guitar riffs. I'm not the lead singer. You know what I mean? Doing microphone tricks. I've been waiting for this.

Sometimes, every song just needs a steady bass line, all right? And Karns is your steady fucking bass line, all right? I'm playing drums and bass at the same time, so people can sing and do guitar riffs over it. So vote for me on one of these you ungrateful fucking bastards also we're not that mean to Sean yeah we're not that mean to Sean Sean's mean in real life

off mic dude, Sean makes fun of David and I about our weight dude he says shit about our parents Sean's literally the nicest person I got like a DM about somebody pair? Dude. No, that's true. Sean's literally the nicest person ever. Too nice. I got like a DM about somebody like, why are you guys all giving Sean shit? What are you talking about?

And then I feel like a coward. You let Sean talk about Shane? He started that. Yeah. He invented that. I started doing it because of Sean. Yeah, dude. David often will be like, dude, you're pretty mean to Shane, right? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shane's doing a lot better than I am. That's a shot. David often will be like, dude, you're pretty mean to Shane, right? I'm like, yeah.

Yeah. Shane's doing a lot better than I am. That's the gauge. You can be that mean. Yeah, but you did it when it was a level playing field. I feel like you did it when you guys were peas in a pod. He was a fucking dude who was wearing jeans that looked like you threw a fucking jean seat at the ground and then grew up out and over his legs.

He needed to be bullied. Like he was rooted in denim. There was one time where he didn't have a fucking little pocket. Motherfucker. We bullied him into success is what you're saying. Well, lucky him. Bully me, goddammit.

I'm gonna take it. We're trying, but I keep getting these DMs. You're too positive. Get out of the DMs. DMs. DMs. That's a different conversation. We're like, yeah, I had to slide out of her DMs.

Oh, yeah. Was that my third strike? I got to slide out of DM DMs. Oh, yeah. Is that my third strike? I got to slide out of DMs. God, I got swerved so hard on Bumble last week. Oh my god. Anyway. Hard. Where I was just like, I just gotta go to bed now. I wasn't even ready to go to bed, but it was like Yeah, you are.

It's about that time. This day has to end so a new one can begin. I'm not doing anything else good today. So this pic is very specific. I can't wait. It's just something I love about a barbecue. An ice cold fresca. Okay.

So fucking cold. I don't want it in almost any other setting. Yeah. But it's like, it's refreshing. It's bubbly. It's grapefruity. It's kind of soda, but it isn't really. Yeah.

And I just need something. It's basically Drano for all the food I ate you know what I mean keep it moving let's get it further down the digestive system chop it up a little bit

I like how specific that is because that when are you when are you going to walk into the grocery store when you're going to go home right afterwards and be like

you know I'm going to get some Fresca nobody ever gets Fresca but at barbecues people like get one of those Costco pallets of soda that just has a grip of different shit in it

you know and then you get the Fresca yeah and then you get the Fresca you can also pour a little gin into it At home, you chill it. At barbecues, people like to get one of those Costco pallets of soda that just has a grip of different shit in it. Uh-huh. You know? And then you get the Fresca. Yeah, and then you get the Fresca. You can also pour a little gin into it. And Fresca's really- Oh, yeah. You're gonna.

For God's sake. What about that over here? My family used to do the squirt. Squirt is good, too. And that's very similar. Yeah. Squirt's refreshing. No, Fresca's got-

Fresca's a little- Listen, I know about squirting vodka. Don't put it up there with squirting Fresca. When I was a kid, it was just plain squirt. Oh, yeah. It was never just plain squirt and fresh squirt. I was a kid. It was just plain squirt. It was never just plain squirt. I started drinking late. I did. I started at 21. Really? Yes.

Months. You mean when you started drinking it yourself instead of having it gummed. I loved Jesus Christ and that is a sin. Putting vodka in your squirt. Come on. I didn't know they made squirt without vodka. I thought that shit was like smeared on ice. Fresca.

And it's delicious. No, fresca is good. Fresca is a good pick. Fresca, you know, I might get myself a fresca in Santa Barbara later this evening. You do that. I might do that

when I'm on the beach. A beach. A beach. Right near the beach. Life's a beach. Life's a garden, bro. Dig it. Oh, yeah. Joe Dirt. Yeah, that could have been strike three, but nah. Solid double, dude.

Made contact. Ice Cold Fresca, Amy, this time for your fourth pick. Okay, my fourth pick is a little crucial for your pick, and I'm talking about a big-ass cooler that also serves as a seat. Oh! Major caveat,

gotta have the kind of dude sitting there who's willing to get up all the time without being a fucking prick about it. Not even willing. Excited. Excited to get up and be like, you want some? You need anything?

That man's in that room right now with his name is Sean Jordan. Yes. That's just as big of a responsibility as the grill. You know who's gonna give you a hard eye roll? Me. I know that about myself. That's why I try not to sit on coolers.

I'm gonna hate you for like three seconds. It'll be fine again, but I will hate you for three seconds. It's a job, and it's a job of the highest importance. You gotta be willing to get up, see who's empty on a drink. I love when everyone's chilling. I'm like, I'm going to grab a beer. You need? You good?

You good? You good? And bringing out like eight of them from the cooler. Yeah, maybe you refill the ice even. And you know what? It's a gift to sit on it because a low barbecue lawn chair, that's so hard to get out of. But a nice big cooler, you're getting up and down all day. I'm not trying to get out of a low lawn chair, you know what I mean?

I'm trying to max and then relax. I'm just like gravity. Set up roots. Seating in general, and I feel like this falls into what your pick is. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, that's crucial. You've got to have good seating. There's like six of those fold-out chairs and there's 40 people.

And you're like, nobody read the Facebook invite? There doesn't have to be a chair for every person, but there should be about half. 75%. Yeah, you'd be a shit-head if you were like, half the fucking people need to be able to sit down. Maybe you have a staircase or something, that's fine. I'll sit on a stair. I'm not trying to sit on grass

because I'm wearing shorts and get the back of my legs all itchy from the grass. Well, then they're going to be wet too because I just peed everywhere in the yard of my legs all itchy from the grass. Well, then they're going to be wet too because I just peed everywhere in the yard, you know? There's dogs running around and babies, you know? Kids over there peeing. And I think this cooler

probably has some sort of wheels and a handle. It rolls. It definitely rolls. I'll tell you, it's got a couple handles. Talk about handle the vodka, handle a whiskey,

handle a gin. Yep. CV handle. And you're passing the shit because you're sitting, handle a gin. Yep. CV handling. And you're passing the shit because you're sitting on the chilled vodka. You know what would be buck is to see what you can play,

like just get a warm bottle of gin. Be like, let's play pass the shit. See who. Some hot sake. That made me nauseous just when you said it. Warm gin is,

is that the grossest thing to be warm? It's the, shots of gin are gnarly. I don't even know who does that. I don't think you're supposed to do that. I don't think so. I love gin.

I know. I would never shoot gin. Maybe like a Hot Bailey's is the only thing. Yeah, Hot Bailey's sounds good. Hot Bailey's sounds good. I was at a bar with you one time. This doesn't sound right. And a bunch of 21-year-olds came in.

Yeah. And we were waiting for drinks. And this kid in front of me was said uh he goes to the bartender he says what kind of gins do you have and like audibly i was like jesus christ what kind of yeah what kind of gins do you have yeah i'm the gin guy dude in the circle like i'm the guy that'll drink any kind of gin bro yeah that's what i'm known for rocks gin bro you guys need to understand that there are different kinds of gin. Oh, there are.

Some of them are herbals. That is the creepiest liquor to be an aficionado of, though. Yeah, you want it. Like, if you're a bourbon guy, whatever, I know you. I've lived in Portland. But, like, I'm the gin guy.

I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I don't think I'm that creepy. I like gin and tonic, Hendrix gin, with a little bit of cucumber, not lime, at six o'clock. And I'm not gonna apologize for that. That's different, with a little bit of cucumber, not lime, at 6 o'clock.

And I'm not going to apologize for that. That's different, though. No, but you know what you like. Yeah, that's different. That kid was going to do a shot, too. You know what? A good gin and tonic is a great drink to start with for the night. And you can continue drinking them all night.

With dinner, yeah. It's a good one. It tastes fine, you know? Even just when you're getting ready. That's a Louis Weymouth rule of life inventor of shaklakity it's a gin and tonic he doesn't drink anymore

but like a gin and tonic right around 6 6.15 yeah when you know the sun might still be out but it's just like it's

you just pass from the day we're all just shaking like oh my god this sounds tight whenever they interview those old ladies who are 115 and they're like what what's your secret?

5 p.m. I have a gin and tonic. There's 115-year-olds. And then you take that advice and you're like, drinking's good, but you have 12. And they're like, this lady's been having one for 60 years. She knows about moderation. Alrighty. Bless your heart. G&T. It might be time to move on. Might be time to move moderation. Alrighty. Bless your heart.

G&T. It might be time to move on. Might be time to move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. David, tell me your fourth pick. My fourth pick is a thing that I like

that is not at barbecues and it feels like it just because hard drugs. I'm glad that people don't do hard drugs at barbecues. Just because like

lately I feel like when I go like a hard drug free barbecue. Yeah, like because lately I feel like. And nobody's getting like. Hard drugs? Yeah, I don't like it. MDMA?

Yeah, like Molly or like Coke. I like it because it goes. Or like ketamine. Just like I feel like when I go to bars and shit like that, that's like there's always that vibe. And it's fine, but that's like a 10 p.m. vibe at 3 o'clock at my house. Yeah, I don't want that. When you go to a bar, you're like, when you walk in o'clock in my house yeah when you go to a bar you're like when you walk in and this is my theory when you walk into a bar that's why i can't get mad at people that are like screaming and shit because i'm like i yeah i'm in a bar i'm in the one place

where you can do this if you're at a barbecue it's like yeah don't don't get don't do blow dude don't come out yeah yes just twitching and like yeah like we all gotta be people we're all doing fucking call i just i think that's a thing that I like. Even at a barbecue, it's like, okay, yeah, we'll smoke weed, and that's fine. Right, but that doesn't hype anyone up. Nobody's getting weird going to the bathroom waiting for- No, you got to be able to have a conversation, man. It's a laid back situation.

Yeah, I like that there's no drugs. I'm so torn on this. Are you? Do you go get barbecues? No, not all the time, but specifically once on the 4th of July, I did some Molly, and Ian said,

this is the only time you've ever been fun. That's hilarious. Remember when we had like- I was also on Molly? Yes. Okay. Oh, yeah. Remember we were dancing upstairs-

Not true, but that specific kind of fun. And singing karaoke. Yes, yes. I we were dancing upstairs and singing karaoke. I danced with you on alcohol. I didn't have a care in the world. That's a different kind of fun. That was a different. You're fun all the time. I just want to clarify.

Oh, no, I'm not. Yes, you goddamn are. But that's like a different kind of fun. You're a joy to be around all the time. I'm never carefree. I wasn't cleaning up anyone's plates or judging anybody, which is my two main activities. You were cut loose on a different vibe.

Yeah. Hard drugs is more of a round two thing. Yeah, even that. I just don't want it to... It was half a pill at like 5 p.m. Okay, I just don't... Listen, I'm not going to judge you. Don't bend your rules, dude. Okay. It's just not for me.

Well, the face you're making says you're judging me. You're making your own draft. You're making a real judgy face. Well, you know what? It's the first time I've been on the side against drugs, and it feels... It's the first time. I'm exploring the feeling. Yeah.

It feels weird. David has a powdered wig on. He's holding a gavel. I'm wearing Crocs. He's wearing Crocs. That I bought for this barbecue. His shirt just tucked itself in. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like an old Peter Gabriel video where it's like everything's going in reverse even though you know they filmed it

the right way. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Gene's on team not strong though. No not really. Team against drugs. Team soft.

Team hey if you're gonna do that get out of here. Team chill out and go to the bar. Hey. I got fucking kids here. Not here buddy. Yeah. Not here. Not here buddy. go to the bar. Hey, hey. I got fucking kids here, all right?

Not here, buddy. Yeah, not here. Not here, buddy. You take it, you take your girl, and you get out of here. Not in my house. You're the kind of dad that goes, hey, watch your mouth around my fucking kid, all right? Yeah. One of those kids. I almost got to fight in one of those situations.

On me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So I'm going to pick something pretty specific. But I like bringing a 40 to a barbecue. Bring a 40. Bring one in.

Oh, man. I still drink 40s. And the thing with a 40. Bring one in. I still drink 40s and the thing with a 40 is you don't have to like Share it? Nobody else wants one. You don't have to share it but nobody else really

well, present company excluded. Everyone wants one. I want one. Present company excluded. Most people I feel like Marissa might throw down on a 40. Marissa, would you drink a 40? After hanging out with the likes of us

for a couple of years. You see? Yeah, Marissa will drink a fucking 40. I like, so But yeah, the GP won't. Yeah, a 40 it'll go it'll go down a so. But yeah, the GP won't. Yeah, a 40, it'll go,

it'll go down a lot quicker to barbecue because you're just in a good mood and I'm like, it doesn't get warm and for me, a 40 is kind of

the perfect amount to get you right about where you're like, whew, I feel great. I might drink a 40 this afternoon

before I send you off to Santa Barbara. I might not be wearing a shirt. I might be standing in the doorway waving to you and Laura, no shirt,

40 in hand. I gotta find a barbecue to you and Laura. No shirt, 40 in hand. I gotta find a barbecue to go to today. I know, this is crazy. There's gotta be one. Floater, we just walk around Echo Park. Drink it at 40. Great pick. Yeah, drink it at 40. And then my fifth pick,

to round it out, is going to be... To round it out, P. Henson. It's going to be, hopefully it happens, but if it doesn't happen, the anticipation, but I just, the if it doesn't happen, the anticipation. But I just, the eventual water fight.

You said anticipation like sugar free. Like Sean Connery. The anticipation. The eventual water fight that I hope takes place. Really? Yes. Wow. That's what I want to take place.

Hello. You just lost me. A lot of times. Be careful. You might fall on a grill. It's interesting combined with your age range pick, because now I'm thinking about grandma's titties. Not everybody has to get it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's crazy because we're like one mile. What did you just point at Marissa for? Another name for your tour. She made the funniest face. She didn't know how my brain went from there to grandma's titties. Now I'm thinking about grandma's titties, featuring Amy Miller, Chris Sharpen-Tier, and David Boren.

This is why you need judgy faces at a barbecue to regulate your behavior. Yeah, because you're going to be out here talking about Grandma's titties. Come on, Molly. Yeah, you're on Molly talking about Grandma's tits. Amy can't come over anymore. She brought no food, just gin. Knowing what we know now. Knowing what we know now.

She's upstairs dancing. Nobody's even upstairs. Yeah, but who's covering up the potato salad every time, okay? Yeah. She just wants to fucking... Why don't you cover up grandma's titties

that you just soaked with a water balloon, you perv? I'm watching Big Daddy on Highway Molly. On Molly, hanging out with grandma. Oh, man.

Water fight. Yeah, just like a water... Because the kids, if the kids are going to get like water balloons and shit, I can hop in there and I can be 30, whatever I am, 36, you whatever i am 36 you know yeah yeah and i can just hop in there i'm not saying i'm gonna bomb the fucking table with like water i'm happy that you like it

i will say that kind of that kind of energy you're happy can get out of hand yes i like it i remember one day i had to wrestle like four dudes yeah on a barbecue and that was wrestling what wet wrestling like like but like men yeah because they were like oh you wrestle huh i used to and So like four dudes on a barbecue. Wet wrestling. What? Wet wrestling. But like men. Yeah. Because they were like, oh, you wrestle, huh? I used to. And then like four dudes I had to best.

Drunk Malloy energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you can't. Never mind. I'm not going to say what I was going to say. Is this back to grandma's titties? No, it's even worse. Say it. I'm saying if you have a large number of black friends at your barbecue

you can't just be spraying the hose everywhere that would go so bad it would go so bad it's very rude that's like you doing the splits at football practice you thought it was a good idea

that was going to impress everybody? Going to get your ass beat. Probably. My same energy that doesn't want to get off the cooler is the energy that is going to... That doesn't want to get wet? Yeah.

On someone else's terms. I want to get wet on my terms. Oh, yeah. In a car, with things on Washington. No, I... Yeah, I've been known to hit that point

probably right after the 40 where I'm like, yeah, let's fucking do whatever gets done. And that's why I hope a water fight breaks out. I'm not the one that starts it, but I'll definitely finish it. I feel like you're saying water fight, but you kind of mean real fight. No, I don't. Okay.

All right. I read the room. We'll get you a slip and slide. We'll put it in the corner. Yeah, you can just do it with the kids. I'm the only one on the slip and slide. The kids will be doing it. The kids will be doing it. The kids will be doing it.

By the way, somebody should pick that if it's not in the next three. I'm not going to do that. David, what's your final pick? My final pick, once again, this is for my barbecue, is the weird leftovers I have for four days. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. I don't even want to eat any more of these cold hot dogs.

They're not even good hot dogs. They're just bar ass. Well, you're putting hot dogs in a hamburger bun. You're going nuts. You're doing real shit. Violent. Because the first thing that goes to hamburger buns, then I'm putting hamburgers in hot dog buns.

I'm putting cheese on top. That potato salad's going slathered. Base coat on everything I eat. Everything. Toast. Chick. Everything I eat for the next three days. Out of a bear hand.

Yeah, out of a bear hand. Out of literally a bear's hand. Three bites of fruit salad at four in the morning. Oh, yeah. And that weird liquid at the bottom where it's like, yeah. Just that state of mind where you're like, I'm walking by the fridge. I might as well take a bite. It's in there.

Yeah, you're like, we got to get rid of these anyways. It's going bad. Yeah, like I got all this bratwurst. I have to eat it. Weird leftovers. Excellent pick. Amy, your final pick? My final pick, and I want to leave it open for interpretation, has come up a couple times,

but I'm just saying buns. Buns. Sure. That means to you, buns are out. Okay? Buns are toasted. All right? I was just thinking about this the other day.

I like it when I'm on the street and people are wearing less clothing. Yeah, me too. Yes. It's the best. It's just like I like it when people are kind of wet. Yeah. I like it when people are sticky. Well, I like summer, dude.

I don't. Calm down. Like the Feel Me Flow video. It's wet and sticky. Everybody's fucking barely any clothes on. A little Donny by Nature cut. I do like it. It's fucking barely any clothes on. Donny by nature cut. It's fun. Dudes, girls, whatever. Or non-binary

people. Whatever the fuck. I love it. Like that Tommy Lee song you're always playing at the house. Get naked. Come on, baby. Take it off. This is also even, you know, at your barbecue, Sean, maybe there's a baby running through a sprinkler. He's got no diaper on. Also a nice roll for, you know, the barbecue pulled pork. Bon, maybe there's a baby running through a sprinkler. He's got no diaper on. Bones are out, okay?

Also, a nice roll for, you know, the barbecue pulled pork, okay? All kinds of buns. All kinds of buns. Hot dog buns. Hamburger buns. Human buns. Maybe Bon B is there. Yeah, Bon B is there. He's got his politics hat on.

If I do everything that I want to do, he will be there. Bon B's going to be there. If I do everything right. And you're going to have to tell Sean not to spray him with the hose. I feel so confident that you will one day be at a barbecue at Bun B. Yeah. I would bet a lot of money on it. It's a Bun BBQ. I'm tearing up right now.

Even a sweet bun maybe shows up. I think it might happen in the next three years. Yeah. Like a South Dakota wedding burger? Yeah. Yuckzilla. Yeah. Just in the interest of time, we're gonna move it along. Sure. I'm gonna make my final pick. Yuck, yuck. My final pick is, it's something I always end up regretting, but when I'm doing it, I love it. And it's eating one last hot dog without a bun.

Oh, yeah. Even though you're super full, but you just see them on that plate, and you're like, yeah. What am I going to do with that one? That's pretty good. You might even break it in half in your hand, like, I'm not going to eat this other half. You do. Yeah, you do. You give one little chunk to a dog that's running around.

Yeah. Like, hey, it's a cool thing. Yeah, I have like a quarter of a hot dog. You even say the excuse to yourself, I don't even, I'm not even going to eat it. Like, as you're doing it, you're like, I'm not eating it. You say it to no one. Yeah, I'm not eating this whole hot dog. And I know you just had that fresca to clear a little room out.

Yeah, sure. In the summertime. Why I had the fresca. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like feeling better. I'm like, ooh, okay, yeah. I'm not eating this whole hot dog. And I know you just had that fresca to clear a little room out. Yeah, sure. Why I had the fresca. And I'm like feeling better. I'm like, ooh, okay, yeah, now I feel good. Let's ruin it immediately. Yeah. I'm cramming dogs at a steady pace. Hell yeah.

Like two an hour every hour. Dude, it's a high hot dog intake. Yeah. Beef, pork, whatever's in there. Got my nitrates up. Gotta get those traits up. Oh, it smells bacon. Maybe the buns are gone and you just cut it in half

and put a little sauerkraut on there. Oh, shit. The hot dog is the bun. Yeah, yeah. The hot dog, folks, is the bun. I am too. That's mental, bruv. You just... A schism happened to my brain when you said that.

Wow. Shit. That's why you listen all the way through, folks. Yeah, there it is. For the schisms. Excellent draft all around. Just to recap, Sean, you went first. You took cornhole, grilled vegetables, the age range, bringing a 40, and water fights.

And water fights. David, you went second. You took pork. You got pork. Work in the grill, round two, no hard drugs, and weird leftovers. Amy, you went third. You took potato salad, novelty aprons, black people, a big ass cooler that also serves as a seat, and buns. That's dope. I went last and took simple, perfect cheeseburgers, pass the shit, if you will,

playlists that include quite a bit of music from before 1996, an ice-cold fresca, and then eating one last hot dog, sans bun, even though you're full of shit. And the hot dog is. Is the bun, folks. The hot dog is coming from inside the bun.

Oh, dog. Right in there. I didn't leave anything on the board, really. The only thing I left on the board is outside lights. Outside lights. Oh, damn, dude. That's a good one. Wiggly lights. That's a really good one.

I love the watermelon triangles. Yeah, those are good. Syrup, tissues, marijuana. This is like a family one where you sneak off and somebody's got a one-hitter or something. Oh, yeah. And you come back and you just got like, ooh. Yeah, no, that's great. That's like the-

Just the level. We're going to go to the car real quick. Yeah. Not open. All the grown-ups are like, oh, yeah. Yeah, no, that's great. That's like the- Just the level. We're going to go to the car real quick. Yeah, not open. All the grownups are like, oh yeah, I used to go to the car. Before I got married to this bitch. Flirting. Flirting. Of all ages.

Yeah, and it's hot out, you know? Skewers. Skewers. Skewers are good. Food on skewers. And also, I think this falls under Chris Riggins, but the guy who brings outside food. Churching up. That people don't necessarily eat at one, but at seven, they're going into the KFC bucket.

Sometimes people, yes, the KFC bucket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Hell yeah. Excellent draft all around. Fantastic. Shout out to all of you. Shout out to all the listeners.

Shout out to super producer Marissa. Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel. Shout out to Saint Kelly Joy. Oh, shout out. Shout out to all of you. Shout out to all the listeners. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to St. Kelly Joyner. Oh, shout out. Shout out to St. What's your mom's name again? Sarah. St. Sarah.

With an H. With an H, dude. Hell yeah. Shout out to- Mickey Miller. Did you say Vicky Miller? Mickey. Mickey Miller.

Shout out to St. Mickey Miller. Shout out to Sparks and Rachel from Arturo. Congratulations on the wedding. Mazel mazel. I hope your wife knows she got a player for life, and that's her bullshit. To quote Tupac. Shout out to Tupac, the late. Shout out to Luke DeMamio.

I hope I'm saying that right. You're dope. Everybody, man. Thanks for those emails. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Luke DeMamio. Keep sending all the emails. Keep sending all the messages to Instagram and everything.

Shout out to the AFV subreddit. Shout out to... Yeah, we want to hear your picks on Twitter. Keep sending all the emails. Keep sending all the messages to Instagram and everything. Shout out to the AFV subreddit. Shout out to the subreddit. Yeah, we want to hear your picks on Twitter, Instagram, on the subreddit. Every way you can communicate it with us. You. At All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. At All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. We're going to do a mailbag soon, bro.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, bro. Soon, dog. Hell yeah, bro. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to the new kinds of Ritz that are out. Shout out to the new kinds of Ritz. Flavored Ritz, bro. Grandma's titties. Shout out to Grandma's titties. Shout out to Warm new kinds of Ritz that are out. Shout out to the new kinds of Ritz. Flavored Ritz. Grandma's Titties.

Shout out to Grandma's Titties. Shout out to Warm Mornings. Oh, dude. Shout out to Shane Torres' disembodied ponytail dude. And more important than all of that, folks, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Grandma's titties! That was a HeadGum Podcast.