All Fantasy Everything - Beefs (w/ Amy Miller, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

This week is a special week. We welcome back a favorite... AMY MILLER joins the GVG to draft "BEEFS!" If ya can't take the heat, don't listen in the kitchen!  Guest:    Amy Miller @amymiller IG: @amymillercomedy Check out Amy's new stand up special at youtube.com/standup. Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @marsmel IG: @mars.melSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting beef. You'll see why. Returning with us today is comedian and friend of the podcast, Amy Miller.

You love her, we've missed her, and we're so happy she's drafting with us again. You can catch Amy do stand up in a city near you. Her dates can be found at amymillercomedy.com and her new comedy special Ham Mouth is out today. You can stream it at youtube.com slash stand up. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and as always, I'm joined by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Hit the theme. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Oh, it hurt to say that.

Speak on it, Short King. Get him. Thank you. I'm with the Short King Jr. over here. I didn't know. It's really bad. It's not good. It's not good at all. David put a mask on for the first time when you said that no I'm abandoning the short king thing

and instead picked up dental surgery I'm about three hours after having my gums hacked into I won't get into any more detail than that this is my flu game Kanye through the wire moment

your gums got hacked and leaked. Hacked and leaked, dude. I had a root canal one time, and I was claiming that I would do this later that night. You advised against it, and then you walked in. It was one of the only times I've been visibly very upset. And you were just like, pretty good. We didn't do it, huh? I'm like, yeah, it was.

You'll notice I'm okay to do it. Good job. I'm a stronger man. Which is worse? You had a root canal the other day which is worse this is worse brother is it really oh yeah man that root canal sucked I don't want Igor to cut into my gums

anytime soon Igor is my guy we're getting Igor Igor is not a dentist Igor is just a dude with a knife yeah he's a magician yeah we're not here I mean listen most of the time we go and order Sean's here David's here david's here amy miller is back on the podcast after a long time i feel we should just we should just talk

about it people have wondered for the longest time why you haven't why you haven't been here we don't need to well okay you know we don't want to get into the details you know what this is like yeah do you remember okay i've been thinking about this all day remember how in boy meets I don't want to get into the details. You know what this is like? Yeah. Remember? Okay. I've been thinking about this all day. Remember how in Boy Meets World, there was like a sister in the first season, and then she just disappeared without explanation?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they did maybe the only funny thing they ever did on that show ever, which is like four years later, she just like came down the stairs as like a full teen and she was like what's for breakfast and they were like you sure slept in late or whatever yeah yeah she was like i've been in my room for a long time say shit and i don't think we need to either we will i don't need the podcast to know my actual life, guys. We will say that friendship has prevailed. We are very happy to see each other.

I'm the sister from boys meet world. Boys meet world. I met the world. I had a kid. I met the world in a hard way. What if I had no idea what you guys have been up to either? I was in prison, everyone. That's what's going on.

I took in a wayward teen and now I teach high school. Yeah. And drive a motorcycle. Coach Borey. Everybody calls him Coach Borey. My shit's exactly the same. This is the last time we recorded. Friendship always prevails, my friends.

What about your two rocking tits? Are we still doing that bit or was that before? I got beautiful breasts and implants. We can pull it. No, no, no. I got them. I have two beautiful breasts and I'm very proud of them. Seems weird to talk about his when I'm here, but that's okay.

That I thought was the bit. Proud of my two beautiful breasts. A short king can be stacked. I'm here to show the world. Huge. Rockin' jokes. Tootsie rolls on a dinner plate. That's right.

Oh, no. Is that what it was? Yeah. That's a nipple thing. That's a nipple thing. That's a nipple thing that I stand by. A couple of short King's Hawaiians up there. It's great to call. It's so funny to call

boobs Hawaiians. King's Hawaiian roll I definitely stole from E40. Won't even lie about it. What would any of us have if we didn't occasionally steal from E40? 100%. 100%.

Shout out to the Constitution. I'm in Vallejo right now. Are you really? Good chance someone he knows might steal from me later, too. I'm from the V-A-L-L-E-J-O. We're selling narcotics is all I know i got low speed weed whatever your kind and if you need a motherfucker i ain't hard i told you guys i saw him once it's my only good rapper story yeah no you have two good ones oh i saw mephis bleakwood they're both bad they both

involve me yelling at a dude on the street you open for the ying yang twins that's that's all right too oh that was really sad. I know, but well. It sucked. If you guys want to have fun, don't go to a fucking Ying Yang twins show. We saw the Ying Yang twins, and they seemed fine. Did they not, Amy? Oh, well, I don't know if we were fine, so it's hard to say, but we sure had a good time. I sure did have a good time.

Yeah, I understand you want them to be fine so but they're not fine i got a text hey you want to go see too short the yin yang twins and um sugar free and i was like and like i sure do someone else who didn't show up someone bailed it was supposed oh man it was somebody dank too those old guy ultra concerts are so cool i saw there was an rmb one in denver but it's like i'm gonna be gone but it's like 112 and then just like five other 112s groups yeah you know what i mean they're all like yellow they're on the yellow poster where it's just like a bunch of groups yeah i love it there's so many dancing ladies because they can't like

do that much anymore and you have some movement on stage. Some of those super shows roll through Sioux Falls and they'll still be at like the Ramada. You're like, man, the Ramada. Bone, naughty by nature playing at the Ramada.

I went to see H-Town at a Ramada in Sioux Falls. Still steady rockin' knockin' the boots. I went to see H-Town at a Ramada in Sioux Falls. Still steady rockin' knockin' the boots. I told you about those guys that did a show and they on the flyer they put invited guest T-Pain and then T-Pain didn't show up because and then they were like

well we invited him and they obviously never got to do another show where anybody went but everybody went thinking they were gonna see T-Pain. That's like running a comedy show in LA you just put names on there and hope everybody shows special guests

plus secret guests you remember how many times I've done a show with T.J. Miller? None zero plus some surprises the surprise will be if any of these people show up yeah the surprises on the la shows are so wild one time dax and i dax booked the voice of roger rabbit on a show one time and i was like oh that guy's that'd be enough to get me he was great but i was like that'd be enough to get me and you know i'd go just be like that's the guy that's

the guy it's pretty tight and they all live in LA that guy who would go to a show featuring the voice of Roger Averitt is Sean Jordan Sean S. Jordan on Twitter Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram Sean Sean's having a good day S. Jordan

Sean Patrick Jordan Sean on his birth certificate Sean saw the Batman last night dog I Jordan. Sean Patrick Jordan. Sean. On his birth certificate. Sean saw the Batman last night. Dog. I don't know. David doesn't agree. I'm saying, and I'll say it. If Michael Keaton wasn't Michael Keaton, Robert Pattinson would be my favorite Batman

easily. I don't feel like he's doing a voice. He's barely Bruce Wayne in there, which is what I'm looking for I loved it he's emo he's whiny he's like small he looks skinny I know he's not he's all shredded up but it was dope man Colin Farrell kills

it Zoe Kravitz kills it it was sick I have a suggestion for you if you want him to be your number one go back and watch Michael Keaton's early late night interviews I really i fucked up and i did that and now i don't like michael keaton anymore and it's really it's hurting my life all around what'd he do oh he's just i think he's just kind of an asshole or he was like on a lot of coke all the time yeah but like they all.

I'll buy that. You could tell they all couldn't stand him. Like Letterman. Like everybody. Oh man. That's a. That is a bummer. It was a huge bummer.

I wish I had never done it. Yeah. Like not. Like more manic than charming. But just like stepping over the host and like not playing by any rules. But not in a fun like Andy Kaufman way. It sounds like that Robert Pattinson interview where he made space pasta or whatever. I don't.

If as long as someone's not doing things that are like morally wrong, I don't really care if he's stepping on the host. Whatever. I mean, if I do do i think that sucks yeah but i can separate that from him being batman it's not that's not gonna make the performance last now if he's racist or something i mean anything then yeah of course that'll affect the performance it's hard to explain you gotta see it i'll do it i'll do it yeah don't do. But it put a damper on Beetlejuice for this old gal. I do not want to fuck up multiplicity for myself. I am saying, Mr. Mom. Yeah, those are classics.

I got to keep Mike Keaton on a pedestal. Yeah, got to keep him up there. I used to have a boyfriend named Michael Keaton, truly. Michael Keaton? You did not. Did he go by Mike? Or did he go by Michael? He went by Mike, definitely. Did you break up with him because he was Michael Cheaton? You did not. Did he go by Mike or did he go by Michael? He went by Mike.

Did you break up with him because he was Michael Cheaton? Is that why? No, he's a really good guy. I don't know. I just broke up with him because I'm stupid. He was the best. It was after the Michael Keaton interviews. It ruined it. It ruined all Mike Keatons. He's my

whitewashed denim denim king so i have to keep him i have to keep him in a pedestal i feel like a lot of guys a lot of kings in that quiver over there i will say he was a warriors fan in the early 2000s and if you're watching like every single warriors game in the early 2000s over like hanging out with your girlfriend yeah my michael keaton oh yeah oh you're mich Michael Keaton. Yeah, that's like your Michael Keaton. Who was even there? That's like Jay Rich? They only lost.

Yeah, that's a bad time. I'm sure E40 was there. E40 was there at some games, but even, I bet Michael Keaton, I bet Mike Keaton was at more than E40 in those days. Oh, yeah. They were like five bucks too. Fuck. I saw the Globetrotters the other day 50 bucks worth it though right it was pretty great of course dude it was like it was you don't think of it as an ensemble show

and then you go and it's like an ensemble they got like mcs they got a grandma character. Oh, yeah. Also Sam, Sam Talent, but our other friend Dookie, he bet them that the Generals were going to, you bet the Generals plus 12. I think the Generals are going to win. They only won by two. So he lost a bet on the Globetrotters. That was great. Oh, that's great.

It was so funny. I didn't even realize they really scored. I thought it was just. They do. In the whole fourth quarter, Sam was sitting there like, I need the generals to cover this play. Oh, my God. And then our other friend was like booing the ref.

It was good. Guys, go see the Trotters. When Sam wins, though, it's the most fun thing. Yeah. He gambles a lot. So, you know, it's 50-50. That guy going to see the Globetrotters, sam wins though it's the most fun thing yeah he gambles a lot so it you know it's 50 50 uh that guy going to see the globetrotters david borey cool guy jokes 77 on instagram not on twitter not on twitter baby much like me and my dental health you blew it

go to the i waited also 15 years i just spent i don't know x amount of money and a whole year getting i think 10 or 11 cavities filled a root canal a crown and i still have two wisdom teeth to pull five or six deep cleanings go to the dentist if you can yeah i still gotta get it i still gotta get a crown but i do the rest of my shit it all the thing is it's like a car it does not fix itself it's never going to get better unless you have somebody fix it so eventually if your mouth is in pain it's just going to be more pain the longer you wait that's all i'll get off go do all that shit that you know you're supposed to but you aren't controversial opinion from sean jordan go to the dentist it's in your skull bro it's in your

fucking skull dude it's so close to all the other shit. Your brain and shit. Floss. Do it. It's not hard. Do it. Another controversial opinion. Floss.

You ain't got to tell me to floss, dude. You, please. Floss. Tell all the men listening, please. I'm wearing a Prada hockey jersey and two different color denims on my pants right now, dude. I'm fucking flossing. This is an audio medium, but I want people to know that i'm wearing sort of like a napoleon bonaparte sort of like in the field hat with a big feather i got a prada hockey jersey oh yeah let's say

what we're wearing i'm wearing i'm wearing a fedora but it's working yeah it's like it's like it looks good dude yeah people are like oh we should bring it back. I'm bringing back corsets. Did they ever leave? Oh, yeah. I guess I have a very specific group of things I look on the internet. Renaissance fair. I have a flower crown on.

I'm eating a giant turkey leg. It's what you think. It's fifth wave feminism. Sean Jordan, what are you sporting dude uh i'm wearing a the batman robert pattinson bath towel yeah and uh that's about it that's it dude yeah i cut my hair like tony hawk in the early late 80s early 90s i got the flop going on what's funny is he has the towel up over his titties yeah yeah yeah It's always fun when a guy wears it like that. Show you guys my nipples. That's crazy.

Yeah. What are you doing? Who is it? Who is this boy? Stop looking at my nipples. You got to have a long, thick towel for your dog not to be out if you're covering the titties. That's the funniest part is if your nipples are covered and then your whole dick's out. Well, my eyes are up here, David,

so you shouldn't notice my dick hanging out. You got the nipples covered, but just a little bit of ball cleavage down there. Just like a little. That would be so funny just to go down in like the lobby of a hotel like that. The worst part is the ball. Oh, by the way, did you know there's a Balzac in Canada?

Because they heard about it a lot in my hour last night. Like a town called Balzac. Oh, no. After Balzac? Honoré to Balzac? I don't know. I had so many questions. Sounds like Balzac.

Apparently. I quit, dude. I don't want to do this anymore. Forever or just this episode? Forever. All right. I get it. I'm the new co-host

of all fantasy everything. We planned this before, actually. Can you say shaklakity? No. It's trademarked. I don't want to pay. I'm not saying Mr. T's thing either.

You can say shaklakity. Please. Please say it. T's thing either. You can say Sha-clackity. Please, please say it. Say it a bunch. Oh, David, do you have any dates? Oh, yeah. This week, go see me at the Comedy Club of Kansas City in Kansas City, Missouri. I'm there right now. Come on.

It'll be fun. I'm driving in. That place is fun. Gonna get some Gatorades at a QT, do all the KC stuff. If you're in Vancouver tonight, come see me and Kyle wherever we are. I don't know where we're at, but the day this comes out in Vancouver, Canada. Sniff it out. Now, hold on.

I'll find it. I don't have my phone. I left my phone in the other room. It's probably a good thing. How do you not have your phone on you, dude? It's happening more and more now that I got a kid. What if Opportunity comes calling? I don't have my phone. I left my phone in the other room. How do you not have your phone on you, dude? It's happening more and more now that I got a kid. What if opportunity comes calling? I don't know.

I guess I'll miss it because I'm with my friends. And this is the only real opportunity that matters. It's the joy of living life. Opportunity will leave a voicemail, I think. It will not. Yeah, I don't think it will not. Opportunity is busy, man. Here's a fun recent tweet from Sean Jordan.

SNL might as well change the musical guest to sean's old every week we're gonna do this i just went to your i just want to try to find the dates but you guys are gonna be at the it's on the website somewhere the what you're gonna be at the vogue theater vogue theater there we go vogue theater dude see some other jokes here. Hold on. So you're both in Canada? Yeah. Sam Talent was in Canada last night. Everybody's going Canadian.

Amy, come up here. I've never been. Isn't that wild? You've never been to Canada? No. Oh, it's great. Well, parts of it are great. In a popcorn machine last night, they had Lucky Charms. I like that.

And you wouldn't think it would make a difference, but Hot Lucky hot lucky charms is great you know exactly how to sell me on a place i opened i opened with what i need they got a whole other kind of bagel in montreal wait what's what's on it what's on it now it's not on it doesn't have everything on it and if it does what's the problem absolutely not they would never do that all right oh jeez i got freaked out it should cost more how many how many it should cost more loonies than one without everything that should cost less loonies everything bagel should be a toonie if let's say a regular bagel is a loonie and everything bagel should have a toonie surely not everything's on it no i can't put what are they gonna put poutine what else what else they put on ketchup sink is on there come on

ketchup and poutine on the same bagel that's ketchup flavored chips yeah oh they got good chips here which are good by the way people act like that's not they're good they're great they're very good yeah yeah you think i mean like listen i agree but you can't you're a lot of you're not like a reliable narrator onto what what's good i said the sour patch kids energy drinks aren't good so i do have do you hear yourself i do have a gauge they're not good i have a palate and carrots are not good okay that's fucking nuts dude they're so good tastes like cardboard no they're not the work for you carrots i mean not compared to sour patch jizz or whatever you drink you get sour patch jizz in your mouth. That does the work for you, buddy. That is sugar. Amy, Sean's eating the same stuff.

Just drinking the same stuff. Maybe worse. I brought you up last night because someone I won't name, who knows Jay Leno very well, told me he does not eat any produce. He proudly hasn't had a piece of fruit in 50 years. What? Five zero? He hates veggies. Leno doesn't fuck with any produce. I had years. What? Five zero? Veggies.

Leno doesn't fuck with any produce. I had pineapple and Brussels sprouts last night with my dinner. I'm making it a point. We just want to be together. Pineapple's an interesting choice. Not thrilled about it. Why? Pineapple stink. What's wrong with pineapple? He just opened a couple cans. No, pineapple's great.

I'm just trying to picture the setting, you know, just to scoop on the plate. What was the entree? Meatloaf, Brussels sprouts, and then pineapple like in a little bowl on the side. So I had some fruit. So it was vegetables, fruit, and then meatloaf. Oh, they weren't cooked together. Do you eat just bowls of pineapple sometimes?

Not even judging. I'm just curious because I didn't even think. It's tasty. I never buy pineapple because I'm an idiot. Like I wake up and instead of eating what I want want i think like whatever i want is in the fridge i'm like or grab an apple or a banana and then i just leave if i'm going somewhere i just leave so i can't leave that tortilla and alfredo sauce alone i do i you know how easy it is to get a tortilla put some shredded cheese on it and hot sauce and just call that what i wanted in the morning instead of an apple or

banana so in the morning i do it all the time i do it if i wake up what I wanted in the morning instead of an apple or banana. You do that in the morning? I do it all the time. I do it if I wake up at like two in the morning. That's... Ian would see me. We were sitting in the crib one time at the Fortress and I just walked out with... It was the first time that he finally said it, but he's like, man, you eat a lot of tortillas, don't you? Because it's always my go-to.

I'll put like some loose meat on a tortilla and roll it up. It's like a little roll-up. Hey, careful. That's how you got the first one. No, we went through IVF. We skipped the fun part. Amy Miller is here. Returning champ. At Amy Miller on Twitter. At Amy Miller Comedy on Instagram. amy miller is here returning champ at amy miller on twitter at amy miller comedy on instagram that's one of the apps you can get on your phone amy what what are you up to how first of all how

are you um so good yeah i named it in the middle of a covid fever. Hopped up on NyQuil. You had the COVID-19? They were like, yeah, early January. Comedy Central said, you got to name this thing. And I was like, why? I thought we called it the Comedy Central Half Hour. Yeah. And they were like, nope, you got to pick something.

And everything I wanted to call it was too dirty, I guess. Then I just said Ham Mouth. What were the dirty options? I mean, you kind of too dirty, I guess. Then I just said ham mouth. What were the dirty options? I mean, you kind of have to know the bits. You've seen them, David. But I wanted to call it ragging titties. I wanted to call it horny teen.

I thought that would be great for YouTube searchability. You know, horny teen. It's exactly what they want. And then it's just a 41-year-old lady telling jokes. That's a bummer. No, sometimes's exactly what they want. And then it's just a 41-year-old lady telling jokes. That's a bummer. No, sometimes that's what you want. Yeah, I'll turn those kids around. Some teens are really horny. Yeah, most teens

are horny. So it's out today, the 24th of March. You can watch it on YouTube. And then yeah, I'm doing a bunch of dates, but definitely in the Northwest northwest come see me because i know you listen to these guys you're going out with um steven aj yeah oh boy oh yeah real troublemaker that is a dream team for fucking shit up if we make it back um bend salem portland seattle uh the new venue in seattle hereafter i think you're doing it soon

sean yeah i was supposed to do it but i got the street virus known as covet 19 so i had to fail oh damn dude uh yeah i don't know alaska all kinds of places amy miller comedy.com oh are you going to alaska with everybody for big thing? It's some kind of festival. Yeah. I've never done it before, but it looks like fun. Yeah. Good excuse to go to Alaska. I know.

I've never been there. Yeah. That'd be sick. Hell yeah. I'm going to go see some whales. Which kind? Nar? And.

Nar blue gray. They're going to be fucking nar, bro. Better be nar. Either way. Any way you slice it. Especially if you slice it. I've seen whales. They're gnar.

I've seen them off the coast of Santa Barbara. I've seen them down south El Lizzo, dude. They're dank. I want to see an iceberg before they're gone. Oh, yeah. That's a good call. I want to have iceberg lettuce in the place where it came from. What?

Drinking a Bordeaux in Bordeaux. That's called terroir. You iceberg right sean yeah i just oh yeah you do ask somebody when you're on that are you going on a cruise are you gonna go on one of those iceberg cruise cruises yeah i'm gonna try to ask the person in charge like where they get the lettuce for like if they have to go like mine the glacier i like i like that you're writing bits before the iceberg cruise you gotta iceberg cruise hey where do y'all shred the lettuce john you eat iceberg what are you doing yes i eat iceberg they have it at taco bell so i know i didn't think like i didn't think crips ate iceberg it's just interesting oh i thought it was gonna be a mind goblin sort of situation oh damn no but i did mind goblin somebody at work the other day.

Fucking triumphant. I got mind goblin recently. Really? By Adam. That motherfucker! Of course. I'm happy to be on either side of it, by the way. It's like, you know what I mean? Not me. It's a circle of life.

It is. We all turn to dust, David. It's fine. I want to be the one given. I will say it took like a full eight hours maybe for me to ask back. Yeah. What's a mind goblin? Because it was over text. I mean, I was just like, you're so crazy or whatever.

Like I just wasn't really responding. That's what happens every time i do it people are just like oh okay hey you're a real mind globbin yeah i am man you're right that's a mind goblin they're like yeah yeah yeah acting like they've heard it before just like don't listen to me i got my betrothed with it pretty pretty hard i'm'm going to get this iceberg fisherman boat guy with it. You have to go outside the culture with it. You can't do it to people who've been mind-gobbling before.

You have to go find an academic. Yeah, you got to get some immigrants. Go find an academic. Go find an immigrant. That is perfect. You just see an iceberg. So where's the mind-goblin exactly in there? Of course he's going to say, what's a mind-goblin? Of course he's going to say it. Any self-respecting iceberg boat captain would say it he's probably gonna be hammered alaska boat captains like to drink i hear if you've been paying attention during this

podcast you uh you heard us earlier talk about going to the dentist great incentive after after the dentist is done working on your teeth hit him with a mind goblin yeah yeah also floss yeah but just be like great so this should heal up two to three days uh call you to make my next appointment should i be worried about mind goblins at all man if someone does that to their dentist you record it i'll send you 20 american dollars that's that i'm that's a pretty cool bit what do these whales eat sir do they eat mind goblins out here are the mind goblins going extinct as well do mind goblins make it all the way up here do they have to eat d's because i because i it's i i heard it's less of a food chain and more of a food web. So how does the mind goblin factor into all that?

I got mind goblin recently. I wish everyone could have seen the web that you created with your fingers. It was very good. Look like you don't know a gang, but you want to be in one really bad. I'm in one, dude. You look like you're going to tell another kid at school to look in there they want to see a vagina yeah do you you know what's so funny about that bit i remember not getting it every single thing i remember as a kid not getting it but looking in anyways and being like oh cool yeah i never knew it was supposed to be a vagina looked

like i was i didn't even it didn't even, I just would like, because other, it was, it was very bad. I look back on it and I wish I had admitted that I didn't know that it was a pussy. Yeah. We sure did fun stuff at Christian school. Did you do this is the church, this is the stable? Oh yeah, always. But that hit hard there. It's the most fun.

Look inside and see all the people. Close the doors and hear them pray. Oh, we had a whole thing. There's other parts? Oh yeah, open the doors and they all run away. Yeah, it's a long one. They pray in our... Are you sure you're allowed to share these secrets

with a Jewish person? I think, yeah, specifically me. I'm not allowed to hear it. What's crazy is the kids are praying sitting inside a vagina, so that was always really confusing. You'll do a lot of stuff in there if someone asks you to.

You do what you're told. Put a baby in it, Sean. No, we went through IVF, actually. My name is Ian Carmel, at iancarmel on Twitter, at iancarmel on Instagram, at iancarmel on they took a piece of my gums out so they can get more purchase on my

tooth to put a crown in. Make sure you hit the dentist up if you don't want that to happen. And floss. Make sure you floss. Get a water pick if you can. I don't have anything going on and floss you know make sure you floss get a water pick if you can uh i don't have anything going on oh sticks in my car sorry oh i love those sticks i stick and drive when i wake up floss before bed and i stick several times a day yeah sometimes you gotta get the shit out fold it into your life you know what i mean uh that tomorrow i will be at

faded in los angeles i haven't done stand up in quite a while it's still here it's still here i'm excited to get back into it i made david love it again she really did it was a crazy night really yeah what happened that and the earthquake special really reignited our fire we just went out and did a bunch of stand-up and watch stand-up and it was so fun can i share something and then ask the three of you if this has ever happened no i i'm gonna the last two weeks every single time i do stand-up i've been getting a tiny little mini panic attack at some point throughout the set regardless if it's 45 minutes or five minutes at one little point you get it on stage during my set i'll lose my breath

for a second and i were i'll like forget the next word that i'm supposed to say and you would never notice if you were in the crowd you'd never notice but i notice and it's been happening and i can't shake it has that ever happened to you no not not on stage no it never has happened to me either i get really nervous before a lot it has happened to you amy it definitely happened to me either. I get really nervous before a lot. It has happened to you, Amy? It definitely happened to me. It's not even a nerves thing. It's just like, I don't know. Sometimes I leave my body and look down at what I'm doing and it's hilarious.

And I'm just like, what a stupid job. And then I'm like on autopilot here. Sorry, everyone. And then just thinking how funny it is that I'm doing this shit. But yeah, like 10 10 of the time that body leaving experience is me going oh no like what am i doing and what comes next and then i like forget the next line for a second but yeah you can't tell it's all like mental it's just weird it's just been on my mind and i can't shake it and i don't

i've been doing a lot of stand-up thinking like every time i go up i'll be like okay surely because it's just sound like a prick it's never been hard to not be nervous for me i'm not saying it's always been easy to do stand-up but it's always been you should get up you should do tv well i think that i i'm uh trying and i think that i think that might creep into it because now i'm like uh trying and so i think i'm making myself more nervous than i need to be you're 15 let's start trying much like much like a cattle farmer you're raising mistakes you can use that any one of you can use that all right i'll tell my dentist next time after after i tell him to gobble my nuts

that's why i'm getting back into stand-up dude i got i got shit like that just burning a hole in my notebook anyway i don't even know why i brought that up i guess just to talk about it but it's weird to me uh no i could feel my heart beating in my chest when i officiated my sister's wedding but i but i've never had like a panic attack on stage doing stand-up it's just a real two a second maybe maybe not even a second but a rush it's that sucks how's your magnesium start taking magnesium supplements yeah are you doing are you doing you talked about a few months ago on this where you were talking about how like over-the-counter things that help anxiety was a magnesium magnesium's one of them zinc yeah dude all right

maybe i'll go buy some today vitamin b complex vitamin b is good for lack of a better term i also heard zinc is for uh rocking up no a lot of jizz it gives you a lot of yeah for busting mad ropes i don't want more ropes i want less that's why i'm gonna go get snipped well i don't think that's gonna decrease your rope amount all right know what it's got I'm going to go get snipped. Well, I don't think that's going to decrease your rope amount. All right. Know what? It's got to. I'm not a doctor. It decreases something. I don't know if it's got to. Wait, you're not a fucking doctor?

Sean's getting circumcised again, Amy. Changes the texture for sure. Are you serious? I'm going to get a reverse circumcision. We talked about this. Get castrated. I'm going to have him throw it all back on. He's becoming beunicked.

I'm going to go in with a bunch of skin and be like cauterize this on just donate it you should get another dick where in my gums you're right next to the first one you ever seen the picture of that two dick man yeah of course yeah i have the internet he's a bastard i've seen a lot more than that on the internet I feel like it would be too much pressure to be honest he seems to handle it really well you gotta take it in stride

imagine if you could jerk off with two hands that's already like I'd have no more ambition you could have a contest with yourself your left hand would always lose you'd constantly try and I'd fold him over and make them kiss. Tie them together and then get a hurting boner.

Put them into a little heart. And send a picture to someone you love. Happy V-Day. Ian, you can make yours into a loaf of challah. Passover is right around the corner. I made challah one time. Right around this time last year right yeah yeah yeah tight last time you came to la i've been to portland nine times some son interesting there's different circumstances but yeah interesting it's an interesting thing it's just an interesting thing to notice if you're if you're into noticing things he'll come down

for his tv set i noticed i noticed that my daughter's been standing up and moving around a whole bunch lately. I stand up every day, most days. I stand up most days, dude. I can't say that with confidence. I'm going to be on Hot Tub April 4th. I'm doing Faded tomorrow night, the 25th, when this is coming out. Come see me do stand-up in Los Angeles.

I'm going to be getting out there more. we are gathered here today not only to plumb into my stand-up schedule but also to fantasy draft beefs beef is a beef is a ham mouth ham mouth ham mouth it seems like it should be beeves it should be beeves why is it wolves why is it different drafts but not beaves we need we need more women on that draft answer that one fucking biden yeah with your old ass get him we got him we got him put him on the summer jam screen dude he doesn't want it he doesn't want it with us um my mouth hurts uh, the way we determine the order of this draft of beefs is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw and shoot.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. Oh, David wins. Always David. One paper against two scissors. David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft But before you do that I will remind you

It is a serpentine draft And what is that? It's a great question It's like vacuuming stairs You have to vacuum stairs Carpeted stairs It's a midwest thing But you have to go from the bottom up

So you start on the bottom right Vacuum to the left And then you just go up a stair Left to right up a stair right to left left to right and so on i got it that's pretty i'm trying to make it more concise nice someone yelled at me i've seen carpeted stairs outside of the midwest but there's not a lot though i had them at my house in la you sure did 3037 in beaverton where i grew up carpeted stairs and i slid down those on my tuchus My house in LA. You sure did. 3037 in Beaverton, where I grew up, carpeted stairs. And I slid down those on my tuchus.

You can bet your bottom dollar. Stairs in the early 90s really felt like true success to me. Yeah, that was it. That was the brass ring. You got a condo? Oh, come on. They're quiet. It's nice having quiet stairs. For when you're walking around in high heels all the time.

When I'm trying to sneak past the love of my life who doesn't drink. And the love of her life does. So it'd be nice to have a carpeted stair or two every now and again. You don't have stairs in your house? No, I was doing a bit. Oh, okay. We did have stairs at the old house and they were all, there was no way to go up them quiet. It just was not possible.

I do hate that when a house has loud stairs. But then the real successful staircase is just that nice carpet in the middle, like an oriental carpet, and then you still see the wood on the side. Yeah. The wood poking out, that's the American dream. Yeah, that's where Billy Madison lives. Yeah, 100%. That's just a touch of glass. The wood poking out, that's the American dream. Yeah, that's where Billy Madison lives. Yeah, 100%. That's just a touch of glass.

The wood poking out both sides, as it were. That's like, I could cover this whole stair. I don't need to, because that's not what it's about for me. Yeah, yeah. I have a special rug for my stairs. I'm in this game for someone you don't even understand on the carpet and stair game. One day I'm going to have that.

I don't even have stairs in my house right now. That's okay. I don't want to get into it. That's okay. I don't want to get into it. My mouth hurts. It's hard for a short king to go up all those stairs. Exactly. Thank you. Those little legs. You got to stare out front. It's called the curb. That's all the stairs a short king needs.

That second floor seems a lot higher up for a short king. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. David, with with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be uh david sean amy ian nice okay john amy ian okay i don't think i'll get my first pick i imagine i think i'll get my first pick because i'm going first i know but i don't you you know what i mean i got the hot corner there uh david boy it's time for your first pick you have my first pick because I'm going first. I know, but I don't. You know what I mean? I got the hot corner there. David Borey, it's time for your first pick. You have the first pick and the beefs.

All fantasy, everything draft. And we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius. Policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a

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Welcome back to All Fins and Everything. You can tell I'm playing hurt. The only podcast. This is it. I'm sorry, dude. As far as podcasts go, this is the one. You're welcome. It's tough.

You're welcome. If it wasn't this, you'd just be listening to pure moods volume one through five yeah on the drive to work every day i was correct that it was enigma that says that sad sad demois that's enigma yeah yeah it's a mood is that song erotic it's weirdly erotic yeah it's erotic that much pan flute yeah if you ask yourself if a song's erotic it's erotic that's fair this is a mini draft with it what's the what's what's like the weirdest song that is sexy the weirdest one yeah oh any anya yeah right anya is sexy and it shouldn't be she's hot also should it not be sexy tv compilation it's like cool pure pure moods yeah that whole album is fucking hot for no reason

i mean i think it's weird that sexy music is sexy like like old r&b and stuff it never sounded sexy i can't imagine having sex to you know uh like silk or like freak me baby i can't imagine that it's crazy to think about like i want to sex you up pure mood like adina howard that's what sex that's what's playing in my head anyways during sex freak like me you can't put it at the beginning of the mix when you know shit's about to go down, but you work it in the middle of the end. Yeah. It's not obvious you made a sex mix.

I like to start with Enya and with H-Town. It's an eclectic face. I've been talking about H town because i was watching what's i was watching an interview with you know your best friend little busi i was watching an interview with him my guy and they were talking about uh joe rogan watch it i guess joe rogan's wife is married to was used to had a baby with a guy from h town whoa i. Whoa. I know, crazy, right? And DJ Vlad says that, and Boosie unironically goes,

he goes, H-Town, your body knocking, rocking the boots? Like, that's how he said it. Somebody rocking, knocking the boots. It is really, really great. I'm sorry, where are we? I spazzed out. I forget. Oh.

We're in Canada. Oh, the Pure M moods album made me think they were having a different kind of sex in the 80s like it's kind of sex that only happened in condos and high-rise buildings right right you know what i mean dramatic it because you know that women wearing shoulder pads that's the finish that's when you that's the end yeah the modest finish the cocaine finish uh david boer you have the first pick and the beefs all fantasy everything draft uh okay i'm taking this one this one like a lot of my beefs that i looked up were kind of like this one's pretty one-sided but no less real i'm taking the bay

versus la oh yeah it was because i never had anything like that until i moved to the bay like denver we don't there's nothing i mean everybody's kind of like our vada sucks but there's nothing like like that and then it's like so visceral up there and then you get to la and really nobody cared like i was so convinced it was like such a two-way street you know and then i got down to la for the first time and everybody's like no i really love san francisco everyone you knew in la isn't from la but there is a there is there there are there are people here who don't like at least sports uh sports fans who fucking hate the bay really yeah it's crazy because the bay is is better that's the wild part i mean yes the east bay is better for sure i'm never gonna argue that to me

but i think i i think ian's onto something because the beef is watered down a little bit now because so many less people in the bay are from here too and it's like yeah why would you care you weren't born here but yeah same i thought i was supposed to have that beef as a kid whole life and then i went to la and nobody gave a fuck yeah i thought it was like i thought it was like on and then yeah the whole country to an extent and then to a greater extent the whole west coast and then to an even greater extent the bay area all have beefs with la that's true just hate la like more so than new york i feel like people in general even if they don't like new york they're kind of in awe of it but pretty much everybody kind of hates la which is so wild because la is like 30 different towns like which

part do you hate yeah yeah right i like all of it they hate beverly hills also it's hilarious i love both but like i'm lifelong californian like well except for that mistake when i was in oregon for a few years we didn't think it was a mistake. Come see my show. Portland loves you, too. It's so funny how much you hate Portland. Well, I love a lot of people there. Every time I tell someone I'm from Portland,

you're one of the names they bring up. They also love a dom. You know what I mean? They love to sub a little bit. And so if you make fun of their town, they're like, Ooh, um, but I don't,

the beef too is crazy. Cause why can't we just all get together on hating the whole rest of California? You know, there's so much of it. It really is. Yeah. That was the wild part that I realized about California.

Like when you, when you go there, cause from the Midwest, I was, I was like, Oh, California, you think it's all like Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco. And When you go there, because from the Midwest, I was like, oh, California. You think it's all like Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco, and then you realize the only parts that are like that are those cities

and the rest of it is gnarly. But even the North is so different than the South. Yeah. Whole different state. Oh, Humboldt. All those people dying in the trees and shit, chopping weed. It's like gangs

out in the forest. Get out there to Barstow, bro. Get out there to Barstow. Yeah, that's rough. Even driving through Barstow, I'm like, uh-uh. A girl from my hometown moved to Barstow. She got pregnant. Enough said. We've talked about this. I can't believe I didn't say this yet,

but today's March 24th, also the day my album drops, and it is called California King. Oh, what a great name. Well, you have a special and an album coming out on the same day. Well, we planned it that way to ride the wave, you know what I mean? We can do a little... Yeah.

Can we just do a little ad drop? Amy cut a little promo. Like a wrestler? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a little ad. Just like a 30-second, we can drop. Say a little promo. Like a wrestler? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just a little ad. Just like a 30 second. We can drop.

Oakland, Vallejo, Los Angeles, Barstow, Merced, Chico, Lompoc. That's California, baby. Check out my new album, California King, now available for pre-order. Bitch. San Diego. available for pre-order. Bitch! San Diego.

Perfect. Yeah, I completely forgot about Sacktown. I know. You mean Balzac? It's in Canada. Man, I was just in San Francisco a few weeks ago and granted, I am like a bougie person now maybe always have

been a little bit of a persian kitty on a pillow as it were uh but but to to sort of take ron punch's joke about being a french poodle on a pillow i forget anyway uh what am i saying i was there in san francisco with my betrothed for a long weekend and we were in north beach and like got coffees at an old italian espresso place and then like the sun came out it was one of the it was 75 in the middle of february and san francisco even as much as it's changed can still we like bought books from skylight and then read them in the park it can still it can still get there. It's amazing.

It's amazing. My little brother lives there now. And from what I can tell, it's still plenty cutty. Amy hates it, though. She loves Oakland. I don't hate it. I have those magical moments in San Francisco. I mean, it's funny because.

I did, too, walking past all the prostitutes to get to your house. Magic. What SF and LA have both for different, very different reasons is like a lot of the historical sites are protected. In LA, it's because people fucking shoot movies there. And so you need like old diners all the time. And I love that. But in SF, it's like, I mean, people, it's hard fought to keep that magic in for sure. I mean people this it's hard fought to keep that magic in for sure like people make this their whole life's work just turning things into historical places so that they can't be torn

down and yeah you know a blue bottle put in or whatever I mean but that's like why all North Beach still exists at all because people protecting it yeah and North beach is so beautiful it's so great i fucking loved it my mouth hurts uh city's amazing i mean the skate culture is still on point that's my like that hasn't changed one bit yeah i went to ocean beach uh on that trip too phenomenal the hate still pretty classic you know yeah it's still there's still a pocket getting back to the beef of it though in sports at least those are like very real beefs the dodgers giants especially right didn't that guy die he got beaten to a very bad coma yeah that's not good not good i will say though the giants park it's like one of my

favorite baseball stadiums it's such a good place to watch a fucking game and look at oakland see she's doing claire never give up the san francisco love and it hurts my feelings because i love san francisco yeah but the east bay is just so much better well there's just like real people living here i don't know i like them both i was born in sf really i did not know that yeah my mom's wild i mean she didn't live there i was like why'd you get a doctor across the bridge? What if something, what if there was traffic? Yeah. What if fucking San Andreas happened and the rock hadn't gotten there yet? Listen, I was also born in a city that my mom didn't live in.

I get it. It's, it's, it's really weird. Why are you trying to commute when you're in labor? What's the plan here? I was born in Milwaukee, Oregon. Oh, really? Just part of Portland. And I was born on New Year's Eve,

so if I had been born at night and not in the morning and everyone was trying to go into the city to fucking party, I would have been born in the bay. In the water. You would have been Alcatraz, baby. You would have been born on Treasure Island. Yerba Buena, baby. in the bay you would have been alcatraz baby you would have been born on treasure island

you're a baby it's the weird one versus la it's extended to everything even hollywood for a while like francis ford coppola and george lucas and everybody said fuck you hollywood and went up there and tried to make it work and like yeah it's been ongoing it was like in the punk scene in rap and yeah so many ways good pick David good pick thank you Sean Jordan time for your

first pick uh for me the most classic beef my introduction to beef really um Biggie Tupac oh yes yeah obviously I mean tupac shakur tupac shakur yeah okay yeah not tupac johnson that was actually that got squashed quick that one i mean that was like you know there's not a ton to say that we haven't already said about that i mean what hasn't been said that every time there's a new documentary i watch it where

i'm like are they gonna have anything new for me? And they never, ever do. Every now and then you see a new leather vest when you watch one of those documentaries. You're like, oh, I haven't seen that leather vest before. You do watch all of them, though. And the feature films. You gotta see them all. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Every single one. Also, Pac was kind of wrong in that. In the whole beef? Yeah. Yeah, of course he was wrong he did the whole he instigated the whole thing yeah it's like a dick yeah absolutely his you know fat shaming rude and i do think um going back to the last pick that the bay la rap feud would have been hotter if there

had not been such a big east coast west coast thing going oh yeah probably well the east coast west coast thing just turned into like i mean it turned into actual real shit happening and that's why i think it like yeah everything else was in the shadow because it was actually stuff happening we saw too short sean and then he always does this thing now it pisses me off where he'll say i'm from both places i'm from oakland and la and i'm like no no no no no no he says that yeah he's been saying that and it's it's crazy because he's probably got all the people hundreds of mixtapes out there talking about oakland and then all of a sudden it's well i'm from both it's upsetting man that does that's a i don't have to be from

both you shouldn't be from e40 would never no are you kidding me never oh god imagine if he i'm from los angeles it wouldn't even doesn't even sound right rolling in his grave yeah literally macdray macdray's been rolling in his grave for a while that's the only time i wish they could have seen me dance on this podcast it was good it was really good for me i really felt like i got it on that one just so everyone fucking knows yeah biggie just you know that was the first i don't know real beef i was 12 11 12 something like that and i was like oh very another pretty one-sided beef yeah which i'm finding a lot of them are does anybody think biggie had any i mean he barely did he even did he do anything did he ever say like fuck you too i mean i swear to god he didn't

do anything make a song about it he always he was always laying back being like i mean yeah no i don't really want it but whatever i'm not scared but i don't know who shacha was i know he did but it wasn't i mean i know he thought that but it's like he it's like he manufactured that because he wanted it to be about him and like he wanted a reason for all this shit i don't know he was just so aggressive biggie was not but it did turn it i mean it obviously turned into the whole thing like east coast west coast but if they fought though i think biggie had him oh my god why because biggie because biggie got in fights when he was a kid and tupac didn't If they fought, though, I think Biggie had him. Oh, my God. Why?

Because Biggie got in fights when he was a kid and Tupac didn't? Sure. You just think he'd have him? Yeah. No, I couldn't agree more. But I do think Tupac was a better rapper. Did you hate Biggie? No, I love... No.

No, God, no. That's insane. Did you like him less? You must have... You were so into tupac you must have been like fuck you must have been like fuck biggie right probably probably a little bit i don't know i don't really remember but probably i know i didn't have ready to die until i was like 20 so because but that was with all music i mean i if it wasn't tupac dre snoop um i mean that was pretty much it wasn't them they snuck in later but if it wasn't Tupac, Dre, Snoop, I mean, that was pretty much it.

If it wasn't them, they snuck in later. But if it wasn't those three in the beginning, then I was like, it's really nothing. You had to be a affiliate. Like, Dog Pound. I would let Dog Pound in. Or like, Nate Dog could come to the party. But I never. You loved Daz and Corrupt.

You had Daz's solo stuff. You had Corrupt's solo stuff. You had the stuff they did together. I sure did. All the Dog Pound stuff. Oh, that Corruption album was cool though i shut out everything though like any pearl jam and whatever beastie boys all of it got shut out because i was like this is the only music that will ever matter the snoop and drink you have that nocturnal album i don't think i did i don't know

how you get deeper yeah nocturnal i forgot about that go you had that cocaine album those are just people on that some la song was all this information hidden in your gums where's it coming from this is wild now uh yeah biggie tupac not you know we can that's it that's my b christopher wallace tupac amrusha core amy time for your first pick okay quite a departure. I'm going with Marty and Biff. Oh, I like that. That's a good one. I mean, his name's almost Beef, so I thought I should start with him.

How come there aren't more people named Beef, by the way? Beef Tannen. That one's also great because it spans the ages. Yeah. If this was music or rap, like someone would have died if this was a hip hop beef. You fucked my mom.

Like that's that's not okay. You know, Biff is the nicest dude in real life too. Tom Wilson. Tom Wilson. He is so nice.

It's so funny because you just expect him to be Biff. Also, maybe a little bit like started as a one-way beef. But then as things develop, you know, obviously Marty's getting revenge and everything. Marty dumped a ton of shit into his open, open, open, uh open like yeah manure car he didn't dump it in biff was chasing him on the hoverboard and biff smoked this shit truck and all the manure poured into his whip but it doesn't happen to him in a few different ways like it wasn't just right i think it happens in three two somehow yeah he gets him back later but it's like marty wasn't asking for that heat you know biff's just a dickhead yeah um and so eventually and then he tries or he else tries to i mean when he tries to rape his mom in

the first movie yeah it's just he should have killed him that series should have ended people will kill for that that's like a yeah seriously such a light-hearted movie and then there's that scene you're like well that's a little bit more than a high school bully. You know, they have a shootout in number three. Like, he should have just straight up murdered Miff. Ended his family line right there. We're doing all these reboots. We should do like a hardcore Scorsese,

hard R, Back to the Future. Hard R. I want to see tits I want people getting smoked Bigger and blacker to the future Biff is like Russell Crowe Now Like pretty attractive but still beefy

You're like okay alright I believe you Who is Marty? Robert Pattinson since you guys love him so much Sean's in I got a big boner for him right now i'm glad you brought it up marissa's way in i'll watch this i'm watching bel-air so i'd watch just about anything i can't believe you're watching bel-air i can't believe it i'm hooked i just tried to get me into it at the barber shop the other day like four guys no it's not i you know it's crazier than

watching that not belfast which according to someone i know and love and trust i should be watching yeah it's really good it's really good the movie belfast yeah no it's so good i gotta watch it three oh i wept i thought it was a television show if it's a movie I cried so hard a lady in the movie theater Looked back at me to make sure I was okay Also Sean you need to watch Coda As a girl dad dude You need to fucking throw that on Watch a fucking

Watch a fucking movie every now and then I watched the Batman last night I love it It's a three hour commitment Watch some of these oscar fucking hits dude i watched licorice pizza the other night enjoy it yeah good time of the movies good time of the movies my mouth hurts beef tannin beef tannin beef is yeah that's a good one dude uh oh time for my i when i say my mouth hurts, that doesn't mean pick it up. I'm just...

Because that's just going to be... I could be not recording and my mouth will hurt. Yeah. I'd rather be recording with my mouth in pain. Distracting. Sharing it with the three of you. You got a beef with your mouth. I got beef with my...

I got big beef with my mouth. My mouth... That's why it hurts, dude. You got too much beef in there. This is on me. I started this. My first pick, I'm going to take one of the great beefs of all time, dude. England versus France.

Whoa. Is that because you're going to France? Aren't you a regal little boy? I'm going to both. Yeah. I'm a regal little beagle. It's just one of the great beefs of all time. Those places hate each other, dude.

What sparked it? I mean, this goes back to like 1066 and the norman conquest of england the english weren't there they were like ashamed they couldn't kiss like the french because their teeth yeah dude they couldn't kiss they couldn't french kiss they couldn't french blowjob the french were like check out what we're doing over here and the english are like we don't bathe every day but that's for poop it's not for sex and they're like well you're not french yeah i do feel like current day it's the same situation where like france doesn't care yeah right oh another england cares more i think i think england cares more but they yeah but france has got their own shit going on for sure

they're now they're like allies to an extent but like yeah this goes back to all the way to guillaume duke of normandy in like 1066 uh where the this duke from france came over and became the king of england so like i'd be mad about that too yeah right yeah and that happened don't you have to be born in the country you're going to be king of? Not if you got a sword. Oh, man, swords help, dude. Which side are you on in this beef? Me? Yeah.

Oh. Probably France, honestly. That's what I was going to say. Having now been to both, I would take France over England any day. I thought London was kind of some mid. I loved London, but I'm friends with some British people, but France, I just kind of like the vibe more.

Better weather. The people I found to be nicer. For sure. I thought, yeah. Which one's more like South Dakota do you think? England. England. I'm on England's side.

About two hours south of Londonondon you'll find yeah some people a lot of south dakota you'll recognize a lot of similar covid opinions down there similar covid opinions similar racial opinions do they still have that fucking hover boat you can take the hoverboat? I think they do across the channel. They got a channel. They got a channel. There's like multiple.

They're so close to each other. And there's so many ways you can get between. And yet. Ryanair. They had the Hundred Years War. They fought each other for a hundred years in a war. They had. I like the commitment. Yeah.

Yeah. Waterloo. They fucking. They fucking go at it, it dude and they're just both so bad it's just a contest to see who can be the worst colonialists oh the rest of the world not great not great at all both wreaked havoc on everywhere they could get their little hands on oh yeah yeah just playing a real game of Risk. But, like, for realsies. Yeah. These people are ours now.

Yeah. The French were a little better in America than elsewhere in the world, like in Montreal and in New Orleans and everything. Yeah. But even there, look at the cities that were like, like the French cities in America versus like the English cities in America. You'd rather hang out in the French cities.

That's true. I like a venue. Cool. New Orleans versus. Fucking. I don't know. Pennsylvania. Somewhere in Connecticut.

Yeah. Boston. New Haven. Boston. Yeah. The worst. I'd much rather hang out in New Orleans than Boston. Shout out to Boston. New Haven. The worst. I'd much rather hang out in New Orleans than Boston. Shout out to Boston. Had a great time in Boston. I'm not saying anything about Boston.

Boston was dink. We had a good time in Boston. These places hate each other. On the soccer pitch. On the field of battle. Anywhere you can get it. In the bedroom. In the bedroom. They both make great candy, though.

Shout out to both of these countries' confectionery traditions. Culturally, though, food-wise, I don't know. France has just got it so hard. Yeah. It's like anytime you're in England and people are like, oh, you should eat this. It's actually good. I'm like, oh, Indian food? Yeah, I'm familiar.

Do you guys make anything that's seasoned? No. Spanish Jews invented fish and chips. Is that true? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Spanish Jews.

England just liked it? They just take stuff, dude. They have a grand tradition of just taking stuff. You go to the British Museum, it's just stuff they took. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that.

Give me that. Give me that. They just took it. I'll take it all. That's mine now. Thank you very much. Yeah, fine. Oh, fine.

Thank you. Oh, I forgot about Lady Sovereign, dude. Obviously. It's mine, isn't it? Oh, Lady Sovereign is the one thing that England has up on France. I will say that. That's fair. Thank you.

Thank you. England, France, that's my first pick. My second pick, ooh. Barracuda, right? So many ways. I'm taking Coke versus Pepsipsi yeah big big beef between coke versus pepsi i recently read that when pepsi came out with crystal pepsi it was this new thing they were they were pushing crystal pepsi to try to get a leg up in the Soda Wars. I lost my leg in the Soda Wars.

A lot of people lost their feet in the Soda Wars. My brother was in the Soda Wars against me. Coke put out a clear version of Tab. Oh, God. Which is awful. Tab was like, I think this is true. It was Tab and Coca-Cola. Is it what he says in Back to the Future 3 where he

goes, give me a tab free? And he goes, you want a tab? You're paying for it, right? Is that what was out there? Pepsi free. Pepsi free. Never mind. I think that was just, yeah.

Yeah. Crystal Pepsi. They put all this money into doing like a Pepsi that was clear. So people would buy it and drink it and Coca-Cola and they were, and people were starting to buy it. So Coca-Cola put out tab clear,

which was a clear version of tab, which sucked. And they knew it sucked. They like this sucks tab is gross it doesn't taste good we're gonna get rid of it soon anyway but let's make a clear version so it's on the shelf next to crystal pepsi so people associate these clear sodas with not tasting good this was like a strategic thing they did. So they tanked one of their own brands just to hurt Pepsi's Crystal Pepsi. And they were like doing shit.

It's like it's real beef between the two of them. It feels like Pepsi's always been pretty far behind. Or am I crazy? Like were they ever close? I think they've gotten closer. I feel like Pepsi got a leg up with their other sodas but also in like food chains and like fast food restaurants where all of a sudden like yeah like that became pepsi territory except for mcdonald's pretty much yeah like pepsi has mountain dew which

but then coke like only christmas you know yeah and coke has yeah it's but coke is more international too right like yeah coke is like one of the what years ago there's some study like the two most recognizable brands in the world and one of them was coke oh yeah it's like in every every language like Coca-Cola. Si vous plait. Which one was it? Coca-Cola, por favor. Coca-Cola sounds the same in every language. I'm watching Mad Men. Coca-Cola. That's French. This is Spanish.

Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. Italian. Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. I'm not making these up. I love it. Cabagula.

I'm Coca-Cola. That's German. Coca-Cola. Pop. German. Coca-Cola. Pop, I'll have a pop. I'll do it in Canadian. Let me get a Molson. That's a beer. Give me Coke.

That's the South. Kick. I'm glad they didn't try to do Crystal Coke, because that just does not sound like a good idea. I mix Crystal and Coke and it does not. It'll keep you up. I'll tell you that. South Dakota would have loved it.

You just mix those together, you're sitting pretty big day. They put out a new Coke. Space Coke. In the 80s that was supposed to be... It was a sweeter version of Coke and then people hated it. It was sweeter and less bubbly. So it was a sweeter version of coke and then people hated it it was sweeter and less bubbly and then it was like pepsi yeah that's how i feel about pepsi that's how that's why people are

like oh i love mexican coke or bottled coke because it's kind of closer to the old formula but then you know about how like cosby was like part of the campaign to make people think new coke was good no yeah they like paid him to just plug it he wasn't like in the commercials but he would just be like I love this new coke formula and then like he'd be on like the tonight show like you know what I'm loving is new coke yeah

because people were talking shit and so like well we gotta get America's dad to tell everyone it's good actually and it worked. One of the more heinous things he's been associated with. There's a new Coke right now. It's like Space Coke or something. Oh, yeah, Starlight or whatever.

It's Moon Coke. It tastes like space. Yeah, whatever the fuck that means. I'll try it. Coca-Cola Classic, when you're hungover, I can't drink a whole can. But like four sips. It's like, oh, I'm fixed now.

I'm better. It's pretty incredible. With ice, it'll cure what else. I'm team Coke. I don't really like Pepsi very much. No, I never have. I like a diet Pepsi, but I don't like regular Pepsi. I'm a diet Coke man. If I don't like i don't like regular pepsi no no no i'm a diet coke man

if i'm gonna do a cola if i'm gonna slide into a cola for an afternoon but you're right a coca cola classic after a hangover fuck man all the coke products are better diet dr pepper regular dr pepper like sprite like sierra mist who is that for sprite is so good sprite's amazing so good shout out to Blair Saki. Pepsi's still blowing it is what we're all agreeing on. They got Mountain Dew. I feel like Mountain Dew is a big part of their building now. You walk in and it's like, Mountain Dew's good.

I like Baja Blast. Don't put it all on me. I'm not the one person. I think Mountain Dew is targeted towards you. Those are your targeted ads. You're a big Mountain Dew guy. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There's a lot you... Those are your targeted ads. You're a big Mountain Dew guy. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There's a lot of big Mountain Dew folks out there.

I drank four liters of Mountain Dew every day of high school. Not even exaggerating. I never left. Four liters? Never went to sleep. I'd stay up all night doing the Dew and then just go to class

and just keep it rolling through the weekend. I haven't done the do. Getting straight A's. I should have been in the commercial. Look at my report card. I haven't slept in weeks. Do the do. They're always snowboarding and shit.

It's like some of us were studying, okay? Oh, extreme learning. I like a baja blast but yeah otherwise the the products pepsi products are garbage and they did that commercial where she gave a cop a pepsi it's like no they've never had their finger on the pulse pulse. Bears. Amy, time for your second pick. Okay. Okay, this is tough, but... I'm going to go oil and water. Oh, yeah.

I had that on there. These guys cannot get it together. They just hate each other. And it's frustrating in a practical way all the time. You're doing dishes and it's just like there's nothing you can do with just water to clean that pan.

You have to introduce soap. And it doesn't make sense. You got sunscreen all over your body or lotion or whatever. You can't just be watering down soap. You ever try to wash a buttery pan with just water? It's the worst.

You look like an asshole. You feel and look like an asshole. You are an asshole. Because these guys are never going to work this out. Ever, ever. That's the thing, yeah. And I think it's the only like, is it a metaphor? It's like the only phrase we have in English to describe every beef.

Yeah, like oil and water. Like there's not really another one. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like if two things get along, you know, it's like peanut butter and jelly or whatever. And then oil and water all the time.

Every butter. Can't even force them together. Biggie and Tupac, oil and water. Extended to sea life i mean look at that oil spills in the ocean that's not good yeah the water hates that murderous it's coming after all the water's homies you know what i mean pelicans these uh green peace volunteers just like putting literal dawn on ducks and shit because you can't just wipe that shit off. Oil sticks, man.

I'm sick of it, honestly. I'm sick of this beef. Ben's sick of it. Grow up. Grow up, oil. I feel like this is a one-sided beef again. Yeah, this might be more oil. Oil sucks.

It's for sure on oil. Oil told on water back in the day for stuff. Oil's a snitch. Oil's jealous because water's the better wet yeah oh man it would have more power like it should win this beef yeah but the fact that it doesn't it's just crazy water's a lover more than a fighter yeah oil's small and scrappy though you know what i mean like there's for sure more water than there is oil but oil's got napoleon complex yeah i wouldn't want to fight one oil i'd fight one water what's one what's one water one oil look like i don't know like a cup of each all right or a gallon anything i'd just if there's more oil i wouldn't want to fight it i will say though

one major victory water got was when we all got water-based lube. Yeah, that's true. That's just like, fuck you, oil, okay? You know what? We can be slippery, too, okay? We're water, okay? We can be slippery, too. Like, oil didn't even see that shit coming.

No way he thought water was going to be lube one day. Yeah, they thought they had the lube game locked. Nope. Other shit can be slippery. Yeah. You ever had water, just plain water on a kitchen floor? Slippery. Yeah.

Slippery. Like a pussy. Like a pussy. You got to be careful. Be careful in the kitchen Someone's gonna slip It's slippery like a pussy in there They should add that to the sign

Slippery when wet like a pussy You know It's slick You get it right Like you're gonna fall down Like a pussy Yeah like it's like a pussy in there A wet pussy

amazing pick love it foundational sean jordan time for your second pick second pick i'm going a uh fictional pick but classic beef nonetheless craig and devo yeah oh yeah those two again again could not be more one-sided. Devo was such a prick. Craig, as far as I can tell, was great. Yeah. He didn't do anything wrong ever in that movie. Maybe he was accused of sealing boxes, but he was fantastic.

Here's my one beef. I've lived in, having now lived in LA for like nine years. Speak on it, Short King. And this is maybe more with the, thank you. You give a Short King a platform, he's going to look tall. So thank you you get up on that table short king what's with this is less of a beef this is more of a question what's with all the flannel i don't know i wonder that when pendleton culture in los angeles it's pretty pervasive culture in los angeles i know it's

not just with craig it's i mean your body acclimates i think if you're born and raised there it's hot it is raised there, it's hot. It is hot. You mean it's hot. He looks good in it. He looks good. No, don't get me wrong. He looks great.

Yeah. But I know what you mean where you're like, why don't you have a t-shirt and shorts on? But he did in Boys in the Hood. I don't know. Maybe he grew up. Hot down here. Yeah. I've worn a flannel.

Hot. I feel sweaty. Cute though. he wasn't doing yeah he looks great but he's pulling pulling like a sweaty flannel off of his you know torso like you know cuba's a little thick i wore i wore a debo i wore a debo flannel on stage last night yeah you did winnipeg yeah that's perfect i'm in calgary calgary yeah same difference you're in flannel country same fucking thing uh yeah craig same fucking goddamn thing craig and devo man yeah uh just classic beef and it ends the way that all beefs should end with a brick to the head dude it's so even as a kid it's like well no if you threw a brick at his head and it hit like that

i think fights over and you know lawsuit and whatever like devo's got brain damage lawsuit devo's not suing anybody oh yeah devo got hit sorry i was thinking craig was gonna shoot him he wouldn't have done shit he would have been a vegetable if somebody threw threw a brick at you and it hit like, there's no more fight happening that night. Not that night. There's no way. Devo's got brain damage after that. I don't know.

There's no way. I think somebody could take a brick. I don't know why I think that. He wound up, and I know why you think that. He wound up and whipped that brick maybe six feet away. Whipped that brick. Whipped that brick that brick with that brick fucking whip the brick

but he there's no way and it hit him square on the dome it was a perfect hit that's this is the hardest part of your school it's not 100 survival right i'm not saying that it can kill you that was one of my biggest beats with that whole fight was and then they also try to make me think that one of those hollow like tin garbage cans is gonna hurt as much as that brick did those garbage cans don't hurt one bit like when he throws a garbage can on him they don't hurt at all maybe if devo's doing it but i doubt it anyway that's a beef within a beef i have a beef with the brick scene but the bigger people's then gonna for sure shoot craig later right yeah that's yeah he's not gonna get in get out of prison and be like i don't need a gun let's just go get him with our hands well he tried he tried for a rematch remember and then they hit him with a car

yeah yeah oh he did like out of a you let's do this type that's right he like an honor thing again my bigger thing is like can we get a short sleeve button up on craig i'd be happy to i have a few you know what i mean like wearing long sleeves yeah what if he's a what if he's a long sleeve king though you're gonna you're gonna knock him off it's true chris t he's a long sleeve king, though? You gonna knock him off? Chris Tucker's a skinny dude, right? But Chris Tucker was wearing a t-shirt, right? Yeah, he was wearing a t-shirt. So skinny guy's in a t-shirt, meanwhile... I tried to dress exactly like Smokey.

He's got a little more around the midsection in a flannel. Yeah, but he's a little more put together, though, than Smokey. The shirt makes him look like he's trying more. I feel hot just watching it yeah i love it me too debo and craig leave something to the imagination you know what i mean yeah keep it on me unbutton that flame ice cube is one of those guys that i have no idea what he would look like without a shirt on like imagine ice cube without a shirt on. Like imagine Ice Cube without a shirt on.

You can't even. Yeah, I can. He could have a six pack. He could have a pot belly. It's anywhere in between. I know exactly what his nipples look like. I can see all of it. You're crazy.

I got an idea. So you're assuming he's got nipples. In this scenario, you think Ice Cube's got nipples. Oh, man. And they're big ones. about tootsie rolls on a dinner plate no nipples but the third eye is wide open on ice cube tootsie rolls on a serving platter when sean makes this pick i'd be quiet but afterwards i mean i've been talking again david time for your second and third pick uh my second pick i i gotta do it i'm taking 50 cent floyd mayweather

just two dudes being classically toxic man when 50 cent called out floyd mayweather, what was the challenge? Like read a book? Read a page out of a Harry Potter book out loud and I'll give a million dollars to charity or some shit like that. Because he doesn't know how to read, right? Yeah, because he can't read. Yeah. Oh, man. So funny.

50 Cent is so good at beef. He's also a true villain. Yeah. I almost picked him and his firstborn son but it felt less appropriate yeah he means it he means his beefs yeah no he's for real he's like for real a bad guy he cut him out of his will right or something like that can't read floyd mayweather can't read is that what i'm getting out of this he cannot or that's the rumor i don't that's the rumor i didn't know that because it came out like there was a video of him what was it like he was doing

drops for a radio station or something like that and there's like a video of him. What was it like? He was doing drops for a radio station or something like that. And there's like a video of him trying to do the drops. And it seems like he can't read. What was the genesis of 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather's beef? I honestly don't even know because it wasn't 50 Cent on the money team. I thought so. That's the money team. Oh, Money Mayweather.

TMT. Yeah, I was at. I was at i would i was at i was at a hotel once where the money team pulled up and i will say it was impressive sprinter vans it was no it not just it was like a sprinter van and then like a rolls royce and then like two benzes and then like a 300c you know what it like... Boyd Mayweather travels with a briefcase full of watches. Dude, a bunch of them say the money team on them.

Like the cars say the money team. Yeah, I've seen a bunch of Sprinter vans just TMT driving around. And then I'm outside by myself just like, huh, would you look at that? Oh, there they are. It's the money team. They're like wrestlers.

Yeah, it's pretty impressive. I've never heard the money team. I've never heard about... This is the first time information I'm getting about the money team. I like it. Really?

You never heard about the money team? Mm-mm. They know about you. Uh-oh. And he doesn't know how to read either, folks. Yeah, I was going to say, catch me doing drops

for a radio station. You know how to read. You choose not to. That's a different thing. Well, reading scorned me doing drops for a radio station. You know how to read. You choose not to. That's a different thing. Well, reading scorned me. He read that one book. The Dirt. I did read The Dirt.

I dropped the video of 50 Cent calling him out in the chat. 50 Cent is also like top three funniest rappers. Didn't he buy out all the front rows at Ja Rule's concerts and stuff like that? Yeah, he's hilarious. 50 Cent's very, very funny. It's hilarious. But sometimes it gets dark, like when he narrated a video of some dude having sex with Rick Ross's baby's mom. Oh, that's right.

I mean, beef's not for everybody. No. Not that kind of beef. He's a prankster. Yeah, well. Kind of a puck figure. He's a puck. he's a puck he's hip-hop's puck hip-hop's merry prankster keep him upside down at the superbowl so he wouldn't prank anybody

my blood pressure went up looking at that yeah dude big slab of beef that is slab of beef that's a lot of guy a lot of meat on that rack that was a lot of meat in 2003 been hanging there since they shot the video that foga has only added more to chow since then

take me to the butcher shop that was maybe the best that was maybe the best have you been to phogo to chow since we last spoke no come on wait was i supposed to go to phogo to chow come on can we have a phogo to chow yes downtown i didn't know that go you you were gonna you will really like it, I think. Fogo to chow? Fogo to Pokemon Fogo to chow. I'll go with you in two weeks.

There it is. Oh, you guys should all go together. I mean, one week from now, which is March 24th. Okay. There we go. Damn mouth. It's my turn again, right? Yeah. I'm going to pick...

This is my third pick. David is tenting his fingers contemplatively. Tenting. I'm picking Adolf and Rudolf Dossler. Oh, thank God. Who? Yeah. Are they the Dosslers?

Well, that started Adolf. And the Jews. Really more of a one-sided beef. Even I have to admit, he got the best of us on that one. This horn does have Nazism in it. Yes, it does. Yeah, it's the guy who started. I don't know who he's there.

It's their brothers. They started what went on to become the Adidas factory, and then they split ways, and the other brother moved across the river and started what went on to become the adidas factory and then they split ways and the other brother moved across the river and started what went on to become puma pretty one-sided beef there too yeah but like in it and they split over puma's doing all right they're doing okay i'm saying they're not they're not they're really coming back uh but like and it started and it was over nazism right because when from what i was reading when world war ii started they took that side they like immediately became nazis because uh they wanted to make shoes for the hitler youth they thought that was a good in

and then one of them denounced it and like the other one didn't. And then they split ways. Damn. But yeah, I think it's just crazy. They're brothers and they started athletic. It's just crazy. Something like that could like split off and become Adidas and Puma. It's so big. Yeah. You thought one of them would become some shit brand you'd never heard of. Yeah.

Like, oh, my brother's gone. Now I'm going to start the brand Saucony. Yeah. But Saucony's got some cool shoes uh yeah one of them named like one of them's named puma too was i wonder if adidas was always named it must have been because it was named after adi dosler yeah his name is his name was that's adolf he was just adi for short everyone else calls it besides adidas really yeah coca-cola adidas wait you're going all over the that sounds like a lot of conversations i've had in ubers

where are you going where am i not going uh yeah just a classic i love a family beef, too. Yeah, same with you. A deep, familial beef. Those are the good ones. I'm having one of those right now. I'm making a family pork next Sunday. You're going to have ham mouth. Ham mouth.

I'm going to have heavy ham mouth next Sunday. That's not even a euphemism. I'm making a pork. I'm making a pork shoulder. I'm making carnitas. Delicious. Everyone's going to want ham after this. Very Caucasian carnitas.

As they will be sous vide first. Carnitas blancas. Carnitas blancas. Carnitas huevos. The white pork. Carnitas. The white pork. The white man's pork. I'll have the carnitas, but can you make it wider?

Don't you come in here with a white man's pork. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. I'm going to go animated on this one, picking Mufasa and Scar. Classic. Another family beef. Those two beef. Heartbreaking. It is a familial beef. Classic. Another family beef. Those two beef. Heartbreaking. It is a familial beef. Yeah.

It's terrible. I feel like, I don't know, what happened? Did they ever dive into what happened? Or was Scar just kind of a rotten egg? You've seen The Lion King, you tell us. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess we've all seen the same thing. He just wants the kingdom. What do you think happened?

That's always the feeling I got, right? Younger brother. Yeah, but there was something, like, was it over time or did something happen? I mean, did he hate him forever? Did he hate him his whole life? I think he was always a dick. Like, when did it turn into I'm going to kill him?

Because that's such a move if you haven't seen The Lion King. Whenever he moved in with those hyenas. Whenever he moved in with Cheech and Whoopi. Cheech and Whoopi do that. At a few Oscar parties Where someone almost got killed Because of Cheech and Whoopi I think when

Well When it becomes clear That Mufasa's also gonna pass The kingdom down to Simba Right? Before Simba runs away And then Scar's like Fuck no

If anybody gets this shit, if something happens to Mufasa, it's gonna be me. I'll tell you where it will provide a little clarity on this for you, Sean. Based on a play by a guy named Billy Shakespeare. Heard of him? Billy Shakespeare put pen to paper,

hammered out a little play called Hamlet. Ham mouth lip. Ham mouth. Hamlet. Ham mouth lip. Ham mouth. Ham let it in your mouth. Ham mouth. Yeah, because he has to do both. He can't just kill Mufasa.

He also has to do that shady shit to make Simba run away. Yeah. Right. He was the uncle. He was the younger brother of a beloved king. Hated his older brother for it. Loved musical theater brother for it loved musical theater yeah loved musical theater hated what was jeremy irons wanted to be wanted to be the king

himself thought he'd be better at it thought he was smarter yeah then the king and then this little fucking and then fucking jonathan taylor thomas comes sauntering onto the scene oh i just can't wait to be king that wouldn't piss you off hearing that. Also, that was Jason Weaver, though. Did you guys know that? Yeah, I wasn't. Who was it? Jason Weaver was the one singing.

Yeah. It's Jason Weaver. Oh, the big brother on Smart Guy. Oh. Marcus. But it is Matthew Broderick singing the old version, right? The grown-up Mufasa. Oh.

No. No, Matthew Broderick is the Mufasa as a grown-up that is him singing right i don't know it isn't no of course it's not james roald jones james roald jones oh i'm not talking about simba i'm talking about simba i'm so sorry i'm talking about simba yeah no i'm not you broderick can really sing but he's a broadway star was he's not the guy that was going like grown-up simba though now that i'm imagining the song, it could have been him. I think you have that right. How many songs did grown-up Simba sing?

Just Hakuna Matata, right? He finished Hakuna Matata, and I don't think... Hakuna Matata. Weren't they singing Can't You Feel Love Tonight, too? When they meet him and Nala when they're grown-ups? Yeah. I thought that was Elton in the background. They don't feel that.

I don't know, man. I haven't seen it I gotta go watch The Lion King after this and then I'm gonna watch Self-Assed The guy providing the voice of grown up Simba In Hakuna Matata and Can You Feel the Love Tonight Is none other Than Joseph Williams

The son of John Williams the composer Whoa Crazy I did not know that This according to ScreenRant.com. Talented, talented man. Mm-hmm. Scar Mufasa. Who was also, was that the guy who was also in Europe?

Wait, hold on. Or was that a different? The band? Yeah. There was a band from Europe? Hold on, hold on. Wait, is that the Final Countdown band? I think so.

No, that's Asia.ia it is isn't it when i was a young warthog oh hit sing it toto toto is the band i'm thinking of okay toto so the voice of wait did he sing africa toto did well yeah but so he might have been the guy who sang africa ended up being the So the voice of... Wait, did he sing Africa? Toto did. Well, yeah, but... So he might have been the guy who sang Africa ended up being the voice of adult Simba, which feels... Really? Wait, no, the voice of adult Simba is Matthew Broderick.

But the singing voice... You mean singing voice. Yeah. More importantly, the guy that sang Hold the Line. He seems too old to be John Williams' son. The lead singer of Toto? He's 61 now. John Williams is old as old as hell that's true

john williams 90 oh yeah okay i guess that was a gentleman's 29 when he had that sweet voice 90 years old picture of his dick on wikipedia dickipedia dude it's not true funny if it was though can you imagine Wikipedia for John Williams and the hog out when he was a young warthog pretty good Mufasa and Scar, Scar came out on top temporarily temporarily I mean he won over Mufasa, right? Amy, time for your third pick. Oh, God. Okay, well, I'm sorry to do it, boys, but Wellington.

Oh, my God. It is fucking good. It was coming. Yeah, you had to do that. You had to do that. I get it. I still never had it. Never had it.

Oh, okay. They have one at the Magic Castle. What if I just went there for the food for me thanks i'm here for the beef yeah get your tricks out of here you heretic i'll be the only thing i'm interested in is close-up gravy so if you could get that over here far away gravy's the worst you ever been at the end of the Thanksgiving table you worried about all the gravy it's a steak

like covered in pate and then this like mushroom mixture thing and then wrapped in puff pastry and like fried or something and it kind of looks like a turducken but with steak

it's fucking good fucking good i made one over the pandemic whoa really how'd it turn out real good real dana made most of it but i was like dijon somewhere in there right too because there's like a tanginess to the whole situation it's a beef covered in parma ham or prosciutto. And then like a. Oh, yeah. I forgot the ham. A mushroom Dijon slurry. So good. It's fucking good. Sean took off, dude.

That's the only actual. I'm sorry. He's probably going to go get a beef Wellington. That's the only actual beef I'm going to do. And it was hard to pick one. But that's I mean, it's the fancy. It's the fanciest guy in the beef family. That's a good ass. Well, that's guy in the beef family that's a good ass well

that's a good ass beef it's a good ass wellington too if we were drafting wellingtons that'd be a top 10 top five at least they're good i don't know why it's not a bigger thing here you think beef wellington would have caught on in america more is it is it english it's english they did one thing right yeah we. We love layers. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like if you could go to Arby's and get a beef Wellington, why wouldn't you would, right? It's like a Hot Pocket. It's like a real...

Of course I would have tried everything at Arby's. Advanced Hot Pocket. Yeah. Sorry, I had to go. I had to go extend my time. I would, of course, I would try it at Arby's. Anything and everything at Arby's. Yeah.

So good. So good. Magic Castle, dude. They're delicious. Beef Wellington. Sean, I'm going to take you up for a big Beef Wellington one of these days, dude. Tight. You can get one at the Tam O'Shanter right down the street. Can we eat too? Yeah.

Your mouth's going to be full. Out here. You can get them at the Tam O'Shanter you're right yeah I love that place which was as we're recording this last night was St. Patrick's Day it was hopping saw a guy pee just right

out on my street just pissing and I've been there I couldn't really get too upset about it again circle of life I've marked the roost a few times. Absolutely. My territory. Time for my third pick in the beef draft.

I'm going to take toothpaste and orange juice. Oh, shit, dude. Kind of along the lines of the oil and water. These two will never be able to figure it out. Even if you get a different flavor toothpaste that's not mint, it's still hopeless. You could get orange juice flavored toothpaste and it wouldn't work. Toothpaste flavored orange juice?

You can get toothpaste flavored orange juice. That's called sunny delight. I'm from a Tampico house. Are you? No, but we were very poor. Tampico? That's you? No, but we were married before. Tampico? Yeah. That's a different company.

That's drink. Yeah. It's not really even juice. Yeah. Why is it? Why is that? What's going on there? What's the chemicals that's making that happen?

Well, Mr. Wizard, let me take a look right now and I'll tell you. They're activating the exact opposite ends of the spectrum of your taste buds right it's just crazy like they both do one thing very well too well yeah yeah because even sometimes things you just keep trying and you know like you've known it your whole life and then you try it again. Why? I always think that I waited long enough. I'm always like, 10 minutes, I'm good. For however long, you know? I can get in the pool, I ate a half hour ago. That's how it is.

Especially like as a kid going to school, I remember that a lot. Like waiting too long to brush your teeth in the morning and then you're like, I gotta do it. and then you're like, I gotta do it. So sodium lauryl sulfite is a type of soap that's in toothpaste and it suppresses the sweet receptors on your taste buds making you temporarily unable to taste any sweet flavors, not just orange juice. Second, it breaks up phospholipids

which are the agent that block the bitter receptors on your tongue. So orange and other citrus juices are usually comprised of a mix of sweet and bitter flavors. So the introduction of toothpaste with SLS to your mouth means that you now can't taste the sweetness and can't block the bitterness. And there you have it. Oh, wow. By the way, similar situation if you ever, this is a hypothetical, everyone.

I just want you to remember. You get all ready for bed and brush those teeth and then decide to have one more Chardonnay. Hypothetically, that you didn't think you were going to have. It's the same shit. It tastes like a rotten grape. It tastes like nothing. It's just all the bad shit.

It's all the bad part. You just taste the alcohol. It blocks the sweet and the bitter. Have you guys ever tried those magical berries that make sweet stuff or sour stuff taste sweet? What? Is it like the palate cleanser thing? It tastes kind of like you've got your tongue on a battery. It sounds like you're pranking me.

Are they mind goblins? They're mind goblin berries. Sounds like you're pranking me. Are they mind goblins? They're mind goblin berries. No, there's magical berries that you can taste that make it so anything that's sour, you taste as sweet. I still feel like you're fucking with me. It's real.

Okay. That's weird. Real deal, Holyfield. I think the problem is that you're saying magical berries, and that always sounds like some kind of a prank. In the past, when a Jew has offered someone a magical berry, it does usually allude to a mortgage exchanging hands.

I didn't know. In this case, they are real. I'm going to get you some magic berries. All right. Is that your address out loud on the podcast? Yeah. 6969 420 Boulevardvard out of bed apartment one eight seven

time for my fourth pick my fourth pick i'm gonna take a rap beef i'm gonna take push a t and drake yeah i love it yeah i by the way think pusho did win yeah he did one how did that how did that start i think drake's kind of a fuck yeah but did drake do it did drake do something or just push a t just like i don't like him for a bunch of reasons because he's kind of a kind of a mark i don't know i feel like it started a long time ago yeah i think it's a let me look let me find a timeline here because pushing t is always because he was also beefing with oh it started because he was beefing with little wayne right like they said that's not mr mr pusha t like that song mr me too was supposed to be about

lil wayne right that's right and And then I think Drake like inherited that kind of and then it went. I think I'm not sure though. Interesting. It is a fun one like push a one like every beef of that era started on Twitter and then people were like, oh, none of us should be on this fighting with anybody anymore.

Yeah. It started in 2011. Okay. Push it to you. We out drake for not writing his own bars and using ghost writers drake sent shots at pusha t in defense of little wayne mr me too yeah and then like it really like drake or push it he said you are hiding a child yeah it doesn't even rhyme with anything no he said in the song it just said you are hiding a child it's so funny though that is that's that's pretty hilarious fuck like it's just be drake man also that song exodus 23 one was about drake too oh what is he saying that

uh contract all fucked up i guess that's why you're all fucked up you signed to three people now that's bad luck or whatever oh man i i like that drink because i i i think that's a great beef because at the end of it drake was like well i'm richer yeah and Drake went like both of them won Pusha won the beef Drake is Drake nobody got shot nobody got killed right we got some good songs out of it it was all in good fun and Pusha T is very funny in a beef he's just fair it's just like that story of Adnan was like that shit was crazy like that was that was one of the few beef songs i've ever heard where i was like this is kind of hard to listen to yeah yeah i like no vaseline but yeah right exactly well you're like oh boy like when he talks about like

his mom and dad just being bad parents you're like oh yeah kind of how i feel i went and saw this play the lehman trilogy which is about the uh founding of the lehman brothers that that like finance firm that went belly up at when the subprime mortgage crisis happened you know and like all those like when the when the economy collapsed and they were one of like the big bad guys golden and sax got bailed out they didn't but it was about these like three, it was about the founding of it, these three Jewish brothers. So there are all these allusions to how Jewish they were.

And I understood how it was instrumental to their story of these three brothers who started like a company in the 1800s. But I was just like, oh, I wish non-Jews weren't allowed to see this because it does make it look like, like it plays into a lot of the stereotypes about us.

We're like kind of shy finance people who like let things get away from us, which is not true of all Jews, but just happen to be true of these three Jewish brothers. And I felt like that listening to like the push it to you like the story of Adidon where I was like other people shouldn't be allowed to hear this.

Oh, yeah. He said a lot of stuff. Hell of a dad thing. You should have just gone to Drake. Yeah. You should have DM'd him that. Listen, I got this. If you don't want to do it anymore, I understand.

I won't put it out. But also, nobody really cared because people don't give a shit. People don't give a shit. Even if rappers write their own lyrics. That's the thing. Nobody cares if Drake wrote you know like Call me on my cell phone. Yeah. People just

want to dance to it. Nobody really cares anymore. And Drake is not like it's silly that Drake tries to pretend like he's one of those like lyrical rappers and stuff like that. I guess he's plenty lyrical. I think Drake's got some pretty great rappers rap he is but it's like why are you getting tied up and all that you're like you're a massive pop star he was in the clips like you're not gonna come on like we i like you drake i like you but we like you we all like you you don't need push

a t to like you you're not clips you're not i imagine i kind of imagine though that push a t is like the type of rapper drake had like wanted to be at one point it would be like nicola yokich playing like at rucker park against alan iverson and they're both in their prime it's like look nicola you might be a better basketball player in an nba game why are you going here i never thought about anyone calling him nicola nicola yeah i only think of yokich now that's a better nickname i hate the j. I think it's such a loser nickname. One of his nicknames is Big Honey,

and I can't understand why we didn't all just call him Big Honey because he's big, slow, and smooth. Like, come on. I think that's great, but the Joker is just like, it's just so, it's fucking a lame basketball name. It's lame, dude. The Joker, who fucking cares? Shut up, yeah.

Big Honey, it's right there. Amy, time for your fourth pick okay um i i have to do this as the hillbilly on the podcast hatfields and mccoys oh yeah yeah totally classic american hot beef and just and, it's like, they're just two families that fucking hated each other. Where did it spring up from? I believe it was a dispute over a hog. A ham mouth? A whole hog or just a part of the hog? No, I'm just kidding.

Just the ham mouth. So I think the Hatfields are West Virginia, right? Or do I have that backwards? And then the McCoys are Kentucky. I mean, there is some like ownership stuff around like lumber and making moonshine and whatever. But it seems like at the core of it, they just fucking hated each other. Nice. And just kept fighting back and forth and then trying to like smoke each other out.

And then there's like... they were just done with each other massacre like on a New Year's Eve or something New Year's Day that like yeah one family just set the other family's house on fire so they would run out and then they could just kill them all at once

and now it's still it's like you can go to these like dinners it's like medieval times or whatever like in pigeon forge and it's like the hatfields and the mccoys and you get assigned a family when you show up to the dinner and you have to like root for your family but it's literally just like hillbilly violence like there's nothing like whimsical about it at all and now they i think they still have all these reunions where they like all get together but there's like statues up to these men why like i don't think they were like yeah prominent figures they weren't like it wasn't

like rich families i don't well i mean they must have had like the Hatfields had more money because of a timbering operation than the McCoys the McCoys were a lower middle class family young timber money dude that means the world so neither of them was rich rich rich like there's a character there's a guy named devil ants Hatfield love it

none of it makes sense to me somebody fuck someone's mom the feud reached its peak during the 1988 New Year's Night Massacre. 1988? They were listening to Thriller and things got out of hand. 1888.

Captain Vance led several members of the Hatfield clan to surround the McCoy cabin and opened fire on the sleeping family. Awakened by the shooting, the McCoys managed to grab their weapons and fire back. The cabin was then set on fire. Panicking, the McCoys rushed to every exit they could find. Randolph managed to escape and hide inside the pig pen.

Most of his children managed to escape into the woods. Unfortunately, two of Randolph's children, Calvin and Alfer, were shot and killed. Randolph's wife, Sarah, was caught, beaten, and almost killed. With his house burning, Randolph and his remaining family members were able to escape into the wilderness. Wow, this kid's got frostbite? Randolph's McCoy, right?

Yeah. How did it start, though? It doesn't say how it started? Also, where were the fucking cops? There's no cops. Cops? What are you talking about this is Appalachia bro they still don't have cops there

you've seen the wild and wonderful whites yeah I own it you know that I own it kicked off in the civil war the McCoy was part of the 45th Kentucky infantry and he was captured by the rebels so the McCoy was part of the 45th Kentucky Infantry and he was captured by the rebels.

So the McCoys were part of the Union and the Hatfields were Confederates. But is that where the beef started? This is political? I read it, yeah. It started, but I've also read like I've read a book, this might be generalization, but I read a book

called American Nations and it talked about Appalachia and stuff like that. And so a lot of the people who settled Appalachia were, like, Scotch-Irish from these, like, northern England and lower, like, Scotland. And, like, these are, like, fights that went, like like they were a war like people because like the british would never leave them alone so they were like people who were used to getting by on nothing and like fighting with each other for whatever scraps they could get fighting to be like presbyterian or whatever instead of church of england and then yeah they brought that here yeah this is where rednecks came from always at war just like always always always at war and like we're suspicious of

authority from day one because authority was the brits to them you know so they got here and they just wanted to be left alone so like anyone who ever got close enough they had beef with and they were like way more violent they're like they spoke violence more readily than like the quakers you know what i mean or like right or the british gentry who founded virginia or anything like that so they like without a lot of land and property and money right right because those were bought up by like the rich virginians and the rich dutch and everyone who came here and they were like they had to settle in like west virginia and kentucky in like in all these areas so they went from having nothing to again having nothing and then

anytime anyone tried to exercise authority over them, they were like, no, fuck that. Because my grandfather knows what that means. You know what I mean? It was the British kind of thing. So it's these crazy generational. So even to this day, a lot of people in those communities hate being told what to do. Which explains some of what the political landscape is like today you know what i mean if you like you're like hey wear a mask and they're like no fuck you you can't tell me

what to do even just because it's like like even if it's the right idea just because you said i should do it i'm not gonna do it because that's like an ancestral tradition for us yeah the original folks to be gentrified by like actual gentry it's like other english people but we used to we used to both be there and i was kind of poor and you were rich now you're being a dick over here like when now i can just fucking shoot you god i hate that like if somebody was a dick to you at school and then you see him at the party and you're like okay what's up now yeah there were wars that were almost fought in pennsylvania prior to the civil war between like appalachian scott irish scotch irish and

like british and dutch and german pennsylvanians who like bought up all that land and kind of drove also those like they didn't have a tradition of farming the same way like the germans and the english did because again they were forced to live on land that they couldn't really farm the right way whereas like the germans did so like it was like less farming and less they had less know-how about farming so they were like forced out of this land and shit like it's a very interesting book called american nations yes and just both families are grasping at limited resources to try to like get ahead at all but they're living right on top of each other yeah non-stop fighting and now they now they do like hatfields versus mccoys on family feud with steve harvey he was always the one who was gonna fix this because people are still like

you'll meet people in the South and especially like in Tennessee and West Virginia who are like so proud to be like, oh yeah, we're McCoys. Just like, okay. Right.

Wild. Excellent pick. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Fourth pick, Jerry Seinfeld and Newman. Oh shit, I got it on my list. That's a good's a good one thick beef they hate each other's guts hello newman why did why do they hate each other i don't know they don't really ever dive into it i like that as far as i know there's no story they just hate each other but they get along

for like it's like the mutually assured destruction kind of thing like they know they have to live in a balance but they don't have to like each other and jerry hates him because he's fat yeah that's part of it it's like peewee and francis you know i mean hopefully nobody was gonna say that one but just like oh yeah you're the like thin protagonist you just hate this fat guy who lives near you i just saw an episode of seinfeld of course i've seen a thousand times i never noticed this is like one time jerry compliments newman you know the episode where tim watley's like gonna take newman to the super bowl yeah miami and then jerry's like why does anybody ever want to hang out with newman and elaine's like he's jolly or he's jovial or something and he's

like you know what he is jovial like he gives him a little bit one time and it's like yeah newman's fun yeah he like fucks kramer's mom and shit like yeah he throws parties he's like a cool guy for sure he's a bon vivant i like i do like beef, too, is that they are in the same social circle. Yeah. So it's like they see each other all the time. That's great. And Kramer's like his boy. So he, you know, and Kramer's Jerry's boy.

So he can't. I know those beefs. He's got to live. Yeah. It's got to work. You have to figure it out. You got to make it work. You have to.

Oh, man. You got to figure it out. So to figure it out so yeah jerry and uh jerry and newman i think newman's also got this carefree way about him that jerry wishes that he had because he's really like very ocd like neurotic right yeah and uh and yeah he almost like can't i mean he can't find love you know like newman finds love every fucking day because women just love him jerry's obsessed with his size 31 waist newman's like a little hedgehog but loving life having a great time yeah yeah yeah i often wonder if jerry's having a good time i don't know i have to go i have to i'm supposed to have max i gotta make sure she's still sleeping hold on or you can keep going but i have to go check on her. Okay. You know what? We're going to take that opportunity

to take another, you guessed it, short break. Did he just put on a hat to go see Max? Yeah, I think he did. Yeah. This episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer.

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I believe Bush said it best when they said, nothing hurts like your mouth. Now you're talking about Bush the band. Bush the band, yeah. Bush the band, yeah. Friend of the podcast, Chris Charpentier, hates them. Loves to eat lotion though, Chris. Yeah, he's a big lotion guy. Likes to put it in his mouth Chris. Yeah, he's a big lotion guy.

Likes to put it in his mouth and just kind of swish it around like it's Mountain Dew. That's what a lot of people do with Mountain Dew is they swish it around before they swallow it. David Borey, time for your fourth and your final picks as it is a serpentine draft. Fourth pick? I wanted to pick one of the classic sports ones. Obviously, I think it's Celtics-Lakers. Oh, shit is anyone watching the show is it is it like I haven't seen it yet fantastic I haven't seen it'll make you fall in love with John C. Reilly all over again man I've fallen in love with that man so many times he's the best dude he i think like i think it is is he married

either his wife or somebody he's dating or whatever has like a business on glendale and atwater village where i live because i see i see him all the time buying juices going into businesses are you two roughly the same size? Me and John T. Riley? He's not as tall as you. No, he's not as tall as me. He's tall, but he's probably 6'1". So he's a little shorter than me. Another short king.

These were a couple of short kings. Once again noted, I am not on board. Together we're about 12'4". Just short kings. Yeah. Two short kings. Ian G. Carmel and John T. Riley. Oh, that's tight. You throw in just short kings. Two short kings. Ian Carmel, John C. Reilly. Ian G. Carmel, John C. Reilly. Oh, that's tight.

You throw in another short king. It's a short Kingston trio. We can call ourselves that. The Sean Kingston trio I enjoy. Sean Kingston trio. Shout out to Sean Kingston. No way to beautiful girl. That song was so good.

He wanted to kill himself. She was so pretty. Yeah. He almost did on that jet ski. That is Sean Kingston. Who hasn't? We've all been there. Jet skis.

Celtics versus Lake. Yeah, the show's great. Fantastic dynasty. Kind of fucking... I believe it's dynasty dynasty run by the celtics for a long time yeah they ran the table and i mean until magic right and then no magic and then like the lakers definitely got them current era although the celtics are still cracking though you know it's it's just like uh two long-term powerhouses you know it's great and then like the whole magic bird thing is like amazing what a what a great story in human drama you know it really is like how could you not fall in love with that especially when you find out that they're not like

particularly friends yeah you know like that's awesome about it too are they now they are now they're friendly yeah but i don't think they like their relationship never got past no they're it's just that the relationship is different it's not like seems more larry bird to me like larry bird seems like the uh the dickhead in that no but you're you're also talking about it like it's a negative thing it's not like negative that they're not friends it's just I suppose their relationship is just different. Yeah. And I think magic Johnson's like a charismatic dickhead.

They're just two different kinds of dickhead. Right? Yeah. Stabby in the front, stabby on the back. Larry Bird, stabby in the front, magic Johnson,

stabby on the back. Yeah. I like that vibe though. Even with regular guys that aren't famous, like if you meet two old timers who like played against each other in high school and they just still talk shit in this like friendly way it's just like they never let go of this thing but it's fun and it's fine and they're just used to it like i love that sort of like how you see

michael jordan talk to other nba players not that you said that i i'm not gonna take it because i was gonna do one basketball one. No, I had Michael Jordan versus everybody. Oh, that's hilarious. That's hilarious. He hates everybody. He doesn't like anybody. He never had a Magic Johnson or a Larry Bird for that matter.

He just had everybody. Also, I feel like he's accomplished so much in his life that we forget that his name is Magic Johnson, and that's hilarious. His name is Magic Dick, and we just like, that's how great he is. His mom was not on board with his shit. He hates magic. If it weren't for horny big penis penis, he'd be the best. Oh, man. Horny big penis penis. Orandy the big unit johnson he was a big unit yeah he was drink of water horny big penis penis yeah uh yeah so that's my

fourth pick celtics lakers oh and then my fifth pick the only rivalry i've ever actually been involved in but it got very tense people got stabbed over it i'm taking elizabeth high school versus inglewood high school fuck dude it was fucking like for real like uh one of our guys got stabbed shout out to drew blazer or he got cut with a butterfly knife at one of their basketball games we would go to their games and their parents would like spit on us and call us words that I'm not going to say on this podcast. One year, our senior year, they had like gotten one of our old jerseys and to walk into the field, you had to walk on one of our jerseys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like one of our guys like pulled it up and was like, it was like a huge deal. pulled it up and was like it was like a huge deal we knew those guys because you'd like you knew them because we were in the same league so you'd read their names in the paper and shit like that it was like uh it was it was for real this is just like bayside high and valley yeah pretty much what were they what were they called what was the other school englewood englewood high school the pirates that's the other thing our league was super weird so we're not even close right like englewood is directly next to denver and elizabeth is a rural team so it was like these were kids you would never see like out in just you only saw in these like instances and yeah were they rich like a richer school no they were they were they were a broke school too but like yeah man they like people got

cut over it it was like like pirates versus who what was elizabeth cardinals we lost that pirates versus the car it was he lost immediately the cardinals the noble bird all right man i thank you for doing that like also when they won they did this thing called the bomb and they did it on our field like they throw the football up they go out to the in the middle of the field and throw the football up and when it lands they all fall like oh but they did that on our new field like right after we had that shit built and our coach richie was just like i it was it was it was a real small town american football feud that did spill over into uh bouts of violence yeah crazy yeah dude the disrespect i mean it was it was uh it was

i parents on the ground parents were spitting on us the shit was crazy wild she was crazy it was our biggest game every year dude we lost that game i think junior year or senior year people were crying in the locker room it was like damn and when we when we lost we didn't even change because they were like it was like because it was like i think the year before was when drew got stabbed and then we lost and we get to the locker room and everybody's like we got to go now we can't stay here we didn't even dress out we just got on the bus and left damn yeah it was fucked up makes that's a good that's a good call in beaverton the team we hated was jesuit high school because they were a private school who played in the uh league with all the other public schools.

And fuck that, we wrote like eat the rich because they were the rich school, but I went to an upper middle class school. So like my dad's a lawyer and I had eat the rich written on tape on my hands. You were Hatfield, they were McCoy's. That's pretty cool though. You had it on your hands.'m like they were mccoy's that's pretty cool though you had it on

your hands did you come out like that when you when you were in your four point stance that's pretty good that's pretty good it felt cool but like the guy next to me's dad's like a fucking like dentist you know what i mean i'm a lawyer somebody over there is like the heir to the reester foods fortune like what the fuck there's not enough fingers what letter did you put on each we're using thumbs I think it was a straight across the knuckle so it was just eat the

rich maybe eat rich dude I think I love mayonnaise eat rich Arby's I was sponsoring eat rich Arby's I love that it wasn't even one letter per knuckle no these kids are fucking crazy

it was a full hand tape job so I think it was across the top of the knuckles it wasn't like a hand tape job you had the gloves the tape gloves so I think it was across the top of the knuckles. It wasn't like a hand tape job. Those are way worse than hand jobs. You had the gloves, the tape gloves. That was an intimidating look in high school football. Yeah. That was.

It was all about look. Looks were a big part of high school football. Yeah, and we're the age when Under Armour had just come out. Just come out. Like for like, yeah. I remember all those. Spat tape. Under Armour and the song Last Resort by Papa Rose had just come out.

Cut my life into pieces. You know the guy who wrote that? His name is Jacoby Shaddix. Yeah, it sure is. Sean, time for your final pick. One of the only beefs I was a part of, skateboarders and rollerbladers, man. Yeah, you still are living that. Just could not make it happen we had to by necessity because we would all be at the same spot after curfew and it was on the loop so like all the looper kids would talk shit and so we

like we would all just kind of decide we would crew up but never another one-sided beef all the cool kids all the skateboarders just bullying bullying the kid who just moved into town and the homeschooled kid. Trying to get a little exercise. Yeah, he just wants to get home in a fun way. Yeah, just a guy who doesn't have a great relationship with his dad and that was his birthday present. Now you guys are being mean to him.

Because mine was fantastic. Even the skateboarder, though. This guy's dad lives in Vermont. Where do the roller skaters go in this? I was the roller skater who turned into the skateboarder. Roller bladers had nowhere in between. I could still roller skate with the best of them. You do.

I know this is real because not in jest, it comes up with you kind of like a lot. What? Just like every time I'm ever around you and roller blading comes up you do like you clearly don't like them it's whack it's it looks so it's like that's just stupid that shit's in you like i'll tell you i can watch it doesn't look whack what if you're just like it's an older lady yeah that's perfect i was thinking about what our neighbor if i if any of our neighbors saw that i bet you they were seething just sucking their teeth in the house just i bet they hated it so much i don't think other people hate rollerblading as much as you do

here's my thing rollerblading looks horrible you could do the gnarliest thing it looks horrible it just does you're not going to get me to say otherwise. You can disagree, of course, but it looks horrible. And skateboarding looks so cool. How do you feel about ice skating? Fine? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Yeah, ice skating looks fine.

Rollerblading feels great. I'll tell you that. Sure, it does. It's the whole aesthetic of a rollerblader. Just ice skaters look cool. If you're on rollerblades, I have yet to see someone wearing rollerblades doing tricks look cool and it can be the dopest trick it just doesn't look good it just doesn't there's there's it just doesn't some things do not go together can't drop the beef rollerblading yeah no that's dying with this beef i've i've seen it on his face in real life it's like i

love i think it's on my face right now I think it's very charming how much you still hate rollerbladers. I don't hate rollerbladers. I think it looks stupid. It feels like you hate them. There's a huge difference. No, I've had people hit me up in DMs and like, who's still rollerblade.

It's great. It's all well and good. Get that activity in. Or does it suck? Rollerblading does not look cool and it never will. And it can't. So there we go. Take it how you want. Don't edit that part well they didn't know that the other part got edited out until you said it

well now they can keep guessing what it was sean said yeah let's just pretend what it was sean said something very distinct about the Ukrainians. David Borey. What's worse? No, what he said was worse. Way worse. I don't think he was that bad. I'm sure our listeners won't be able to piece together what might have been tasteless in a section about

Irvin Magic Johnson and the Lakers. And just so we're clear, I still do answer every DM I get until i get a salty one and then i'm gonna change that tune so don't be the one that wrecks it for anyone who gives a shit dj johnson's gonna send you a salty dm after this episode send you i got your salty dm swinging i taught you that joke skaters and rollerbladers. At a babe. At a babe. Amy, time for your final pick.

Okay, some for the ladies. We've done a lot of sports, so I was going to... Okay, I'm going to say Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha Jones, aka SJP and Kim Cattrall. Oh, is it real life beef, right? Oh, it's a real life beef

Okay not on the show You can sense the real life No not on the show But sometimes you can sense it Like there's almost this like coldness In the later seasons of the original show But amazing that she didn't come back No matter how much money they offered her

And then guess what She was fucking right Because then that show was so bad you know she was just like samantha oh sir how can they make the show without sarah jessica parker glue they needed that they just i know she's the only one that like has sex i didn't know that city sarah jessica parker is carrie oh so kim cattrall they rebooted without kim cattrall yeah oh i thought she's the whole reason without Kim Cattrall. Yeah. Oh, I thought. She's the whole reason for the show.

It would be like, it's like, she's Kramer and Costanza. She's like. So not the main character, but definitely what you want to see. Yeah, because she's the horny one. And it's supposed to be a show about sex, but the other three are kind of prudish. Carrie's aspirational. And then like, I'm not a huge cynthia nixon fan in that show and like nor uh uh god i always blink on her i love cynthia nixon but yeah every other character samantha is actually funny somehow yes yeah somehow like the most reasonable person but she

hates sarah jessica parker in real life so much she turned down a fucking bag to come back to this show and then i love that they mention it like they talk about her like she lives in london like they text you see her text which is hilarious and she ended up winning dude because that show sucks it's an embarrassment that's what i've heard i haven't even i haven't even opened it because i've heard too much no one has anything good to say it's significantly worse than the original show which was already bad it was not great but at least we had samantha bonin all the time doing crazy positions and putting her titties out and shit they had titties on that show oh you see

all of samantha everything uh charlotte it shows one titty one like one episode sometimes you see miranda's titties never any carrie nudity um yeah samantha was like she was it man but sarah jessica parker not cool not a good person apparently yeah you guys ever seen that video of kim cattrall scatting with her husband yes yes no oh he barks at all the he dogs nips at all the she dogs some saray yes kim kardashian married some guy who plays upright bass, and she was doing some interview where they came to her house, and she was like, well, what we do for fun is we like to make art together.

And then he's playing the upright bass, and she's jazz scatting over it. So here's the thing. I've gone deep on that video. It's not scat. That's a poem. Yeah, it's a poem. I think she calls it scat in the video, but she doesn't know what she's talking yeah no she's just babbling and it is fully a christopher guest scene because they're filming her so close up yeah and then she's like yeah and we just like

feel it and we just go yeah we find a rhythm and we just go. Yeah, we find a rhythm and we just. Yeah. You have no idea how funny this is right now. And the words are so crazy. It's one of the best things on the internet. I'm going to put it in the chat so you can see it, Sean. It's like really worth. Samseuray. Samseuray.

Yeah, she's a lunatic. That makes it even cooler for an absolute crazy person to be like,'m not doing that show that lady's rude to me it's fucking i love it i love it when anybody will go morals over money like nah fuck that always good always i admire that from afar that's why we're friends david we're gonna die with nothing i'm gonna die impoverished any day now top of the world morally uh time for my final pick the final pick of the draft i'm going to take one that i didn't find out about until today which is martha stewart versus gwyneth paltrow wow looking around yeah which is a one-sided beef perpetrated by martha stewart oh martha's the one putting it on

does she mean everybody hates gwyneth and goop she does seem like a rich lady hack yeah gwyneth got on her block with the lifestyle stuff with goop and martha was like you're an actress get the fuck out of here get out of my lane you know early martha stewart she get out of my lane she kind of was put over as like this lifestyle cooking household lady and i guess like her first cookbook she ever put out she didn't try all the recipes amazing and a lot of them like failed and so from that point she was like okay i'm actually gonna learn how to do all this shit and i think yeah once she became good at everything and then also did time she's just like you can't fucking tell me that you're teaching people how to do shit you're an actress yeah yeah yeah i cook isn't goop kind of bullshit

like notoriously yeah they're just selling crazy shit. They got some good like travel guides and stuff like that because they hire people who know what they're talking about to like write about certain places, but like, you know. It's also like rocks in your pussy and stuff. It's rocks in your pussy. And listen, yes, Martha's selling shit, but it's

shit I want. Yeah. It's a nice copper pan. It's good sheets, you know. Right, you know right right some cute salt and pepper shakers martha stewart living dude yeah i'm trying to be for her i don't know what it is but ever since i was a kid i don't i just there's something about gwyneth paltrow i don't trust her it's the same kind of vibes i get from terry crews where i'm like i think you would do anything for anything that's the only link between those two. For like 10 years, we thought she had a British accent.

See, yeah, I don't like it. Your dad's name is Bruce. Knock it off. Yeah, isn't she like from LA? Yeah. Bruce Paltrow, he's a producer. Sounds like a producer, Bruce Paltrow. Bruce Paltrow.

Bruce-y. That's the final pick. The final pick of the draft. Marissa, do you have a pick for beefs? Yeah, I'm picking a recent beef, which is Pete Davidson and Kanye West. Oh, interesting. Another one.

Fresh hot beef. He got KK tattooed on his chest or something? Pete Davidson did? He got branded. Or branded. That guy. he got kk tattooed on his chest or something pete davidson got branded or branded yeah yeah that guy yeah he's bucked here he's the best i like i only met him once in real life back when he was just a regular comedian doing shows in new york yeah he's sweet he was really sweet he's such a nice guy. We were new faces together. Before we even knew about the big dick.

Yeah, he's like a good guy. Very open about his mental illness early on. I really respected that. Yeah. He's hot for sure. A lunatic. But yeah, this Kanye stuff, it's not okay. You can't just say you're going to decapitate someone.

It's gotten. It should be illegal. And it should be illegal, right? It is if you say it about certain people, isn't it? He's like, it's art. If you put it in a song or a video, I mean, yeah, it's like a lot of these rap beefs. You can say in a song,

I'm going to decapitate you and I guess it's fine. Yeah, or like I fucked your wife. You can't put it in a tweet. And you have to imagine the text that Kim Kardashian is getting now. No matter what you think of her, her fame, he's probably coming in real abusive and terrible in those texts. Seemingly.

Terrifying. I'd be sick of his. I mean, it feels like he would be exhausted to be married to Kanye, and I like that guy. Oh, my God. That seems like it would be tired. I guess some of it's not real lately, though, too, because he's keeping up this beef so aggressively.

Did you see the other day Kanye posted on Instagram, of it's not real lately though too because he's keeping up this beef so aggressively that did you see like the other day kanye like posted on instagram like you know the same old shit like i'll do anything for my family she's keeping me from my children and then she commented like dude you picked up the kids this morning for school like i just saw you oh my god she's like can you please stop this? The Trump stuff, for whatever reason, it bummed me out, but it didn't diminish my enjoyment of his music.

Now I'm like, it just bums me out. I just get bummed. It's dark. Yeah, it's dark. I'm bummed for him, but also you feel empathy because someone's mentally ill, clearly, but there's a limit to that. Not that he's doing it to me, but there's a like you feel empathy because someone's mentally ill clearly but there's like a limit to that you know not that he's doing it to me but there's a limit to where you're like alright

this is just bad also if it's fake I'm sad that he got himself into a position where he's got to do stuff like that fake like that sucks it's it all sucks shout out to Pete and his huge hog.

You know what I mean? Yeah, shout out to that big old dicks. We're all built that way. Stand-up comics. Me especially. I'm not so much, but I do have big tits. I forgot about your huge mouth tits. Big old mouth tits.

To recap, David, you went first. You took The Bay versus LA, 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather, Adi and Rudy Dossler, Celtics versus Lakers, and Elizabeth High School versus Inglewood High School. Sean, you went next. You took Biggie versus Tupac, Craig versus Debo, Mufasa versus Scar, Seinfeld versus Newman, and Skateboards versus Eight Wheels of Thunder.

Rollerbladers. Amy, you went third. You took Marty vs. Biff, Oil vs. Water, Wellington, Hatfields and the McCoys, Carrie Bradshaw, and Samantha Jones. I went last. I took England vs. France, Coke vs. Pepsi, Toothpaste and Orange Juice, Pusha T

and Drake, and Gwyneth Paltrow, and Martha Stewart. That was tight. We want to hear yours. I can't believe nobody else said a beef. Oh yeah. I felt like there was room for one and that was it. I thought for sure you were going to say ground, Sean. Ground? Ground, dude.

It would have been Arby's Roast Beef is what I would have picked. Arby's Roast. And cheddar. There's a meta one you could do which would would have been Zankow chicken, because there's that crazy beef in their family. And you can buy beef there. That would be a good one. That store is so crazy.

I want to watch a movie about it. Also, shout out to Les Schwab Free Beef. Real Pacific Northwestern is no one I'm talking about. Beef jerky. Hit us up with yours. All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. We love you. Thank you for holding us

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of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast