All Fantasy Everything - Bit Parts in Movies We Think We'd Be Really Good At (w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

It's the parts we were born to play, baby. Sean, David, Ian draft and hopefully at least one casting director listens.Support the show!Sponsors:Manscaped - Get 20% off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY at Manscaped.com.Hims - Go to forhims.com/allfantasy5 for a free online visit.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast that looks at the world and fantasy drafts the entire thing. Anything and everything. From cocktails to music festival lineups to songs to get a dance floor going at a wedding. Today, we're going to be fantasy drafting bit parts and movies we think we'd be really good at. Because we've all been stuck inside watching literally everything there is to offer on streaming services and it's got us thinking about it today i'm joined by comedians david borey and sean jordan let's get to it Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that just seconds ago was reminiscing about songs from, like, grade school that were funny and are still funny now.

Diarrhea. Yeah, diarrhea was the main one. When you want a podcast and it's coming out your ass. Diarrhea. When you're sitting in and it's coming out your ass. Diarrhea. When you're sitting in the basement and the paint feels kind of wet. Diarrhea. Well, okay. That didn't rhyme, but like-

Basement, paint wet. Maybe it doesn't have to rhyme. Maybe that's- Basement, paint wet. It's like a B rhyme. It's like RZA. Oh, so you're just like, wait, you're like fucking light years ahead of us is what happens, right? Let me know when you catch up.

Did you just Big Sean the diarrhea song? Send me a fax when you guys catch up, because faxes are going to be cool again by the time you guys catch up to me. Pooping in my pants. That's an ass quake. I didn't know that Ariana Grande and Big Sean were an item until she came out with that song. How did you not know?

It was everywhere i had no idea man what were you doing that summer what summer was it i'll tell you exactly what i was doing it was the big sean aria grande summer i have a blind spot for whatever big sean's up to because to me you're big sean that's true that's true that's very nice you say every time i hear about sean did sean did what he's sitting right next to me how could he be headlining glass and berry right you ever had like a uh had a manager or something call you Big? I've had people call me Big Sean. Not since Big Sean was relevant,

but back at HSBC, people would, Big Sean, there he is, stuff like that. Really? Are you seriously asking me if anybody's ever called me Big Dave? Like, yo, we've hung out, right? Big David, Big Ian in the house. eat in the house seems like it big everything all the time people at work call me big guy like that's just a cool thing to call somebody people

love calling people big guy they love it they sometimes i love it though sometimes i love it like if i'm like at footlocker and they're like you next big man yeah well big man's different than big guy big man is like what up big man big guy man at footlockers because they're because they're like dressed like a ref and then you feel yeah yeah it's something that changes that dynamic they look down they see i got these 12 and a halves yeah we went into uh shane and i went into zoomies one time don't ask why sometimes we did that and this guy came up to me and i think shane will get it but this guy's like what's up stretch something like that to me and i was like what up dude kind of like yep hey how you doing and he's like yeah man i'll get you in the post shine some glass or something like

that and i was like i was there i feel like i was there when that happened it could have been might have been this big guy it might have been the cone might have been the conan day because i bet we stepped into zoomies on that day yeah dude somebody was laying it on real thick he had a whole jar jar of marmalade out dude that's pretty great though that's pretty great that he just thought you could play basketball yeah man he didn't know that i cried for weeks after that because i can't and uh it's a soft spot so then i just watch a bunch of videos of the professor breaking ankles and then i'm good again that's what you watch grayson dude i did the other day i watched it for like a half hour pride of oregon didn't he go to prison or something to shake people a lot of people did dude oh yeah i bet he did go to prison to shake people what a cool thing to do

china he's been shaking all over the world shaking all over the world speaking of shane and uh nicknames that you don't have consent to give people. That dude, he called me Bubba so much. When I asked him, I was like, please don't call me Bubba. And for a while, he stopped calling me Bubba. And then he just fucking started calling me Bubba again. And now he exclusively calls me Bubba. You can't just start calling a fat guy Bubba, especially when you're also fat.

I thought it was a lateral. You can call a lateral Bubba. You can call a lateral Bubba. Ian does not like it it i've been there i did not like bubba i've been there when the group text will come through like sup bubba but i'll be on the thread for some reason i know you're talking to ian the guy who runs the crib so yeah ask him if you can come over and i'll just see him look at me with that face like that salty like that roast beef looks rotten face. Wait, is Bubba one that they only call fat guys? I didn't even know.

Bubba feels fat to me. I don't know if it is. I think that might be inside, though, buddy. Marissa, anyone ever call you Bubba before? Oh, God, no. If Marissa walked into Foot Locker and they're like, what's up, big man? I'll take you out of the post. It would throw my energy off so much. I'd be like, what's up, big man? I'll take you to the post. It would throw my energy off so much. I'd be like, I can't shop here anymore.

Hey, Bubba, if you go into a barbecue joint and they're just like, what are you having, Bubba, the dinner or double dinner? What are we getting? I love the idea of a guy who just like, the character of a guy who just like like, the character of a guy who just, like, gives skinny people fat stuff. He's just, oh, he's like.

Oh, shit, here comes two scoops. What's up? Yeah. Uh-oh, somebody's going to get an extra piece of cake out. Get an extra piece of cake out. What's happening, Lunchbox? Hi, the mayonnaise. Here comes the mayonnaise.

The mayonnaise. hide the mayonnaise that'd be such a slap in the face like come on dude the meanest thing you can say to somebody i really do like mayonnaise too so that would i love mayonnaise you know i know sure itiously- We should hide the mayonnaise from you. I don't think there's a difference between Miracle Whip and mayonnaise, notoriously. That's because you're a fool. That's insane, dude. It's an insane take. That's so-

There's no difference. I don't like it. Should I test it today? Should I try? I mean, I've tried them both, but- No, yeah. Side by side, you have to, because I think that you're playing your own palette out. That you feel like you can't tell the difference.

That might be it. Maybe I just think that there's no difference like Pepsi and Coke when there's a very clear difference. There's definitely a difference there too, man. I could take the Pepsi challenge and ace it any day of the week. Well, yeah. Any day. Is that what the Pepsi challenge was? Like you can't tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke.

Of course you can. I think so, yeah. Or I think it was like which one do you like more maybe maybe that's what it is that makes more sense challenge miracle whip though man to me miracle whip has more in common with war than it does with mayonnaise oh yeah miracle whip is war yeah mayonnaise is peace mayonnaise is peace dude for sure which side are you on absolutely true which side are you on i'm right in the middle man they only get on either side it was born of a war right it probably was during the civil war i did they what no i'm making this all yeah you are okay no i mean yeah absolutely it was i have no idea about the history of miracle i can't think of a time i've done it but i know i've done

it where somebody was like lying and i was like yeah i know for sure i'm i know that like i knew it was a fact or something and then they said like no i'm kidding you're like shit well now there's no way out of this for me yeah somebody's just like deal armstrong was born in antigua he actually uh he went back every year and he he actually put an Antiguan flag on the moon as well. You're like, yeah, dude. Here's the thing, too. I've heard a lot of wild opinions. Yeah.

I can't, like, categorize them in my, you know how much we're just, like, out with weird comics getting drunk till 4 o'clock in the morning, and somebody's like, oh, yeah, you know, Beethoven was Chinese, and you're like, okay, I'll remember that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then so now it's like people bring me crazy shit and i'm like yeah sure i don't yeah i've probably heard that mr rogers was a cia assassin you know yeah i've heard that multiple times people

absolutely had weird backgrounds sure yeah and then you got people like shane not to go back on chain but it's been a while since we've danced around the big cranberry. At least it's not me. I just hung out with him like a week and a half ago. He was here in LA for a minute. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss him to pieces.

He loves the believable lies. That's his whole ballgame, dude. Oh, he'll tell you he was a Golden Glove boxer for days. Marissa probably still believed it until right now. He would say that all the fucking time he's not around him enough to know the trickery of his evil texas ways yeah i would never believe that he would he would lie to me no oh see god you rule see i hope shane feels bad now she's still bad shane lying to me she's stuck up in Canada, can't come back here

because our country's falling apart, we're both my idiots. Now you're laying that miracle whip on there too? The sandwich was gross enough, Shane. He told Phoebe once at Bridgetown that he had some advanced degree in mathematics and she believed it for the entire Burnside Bridge. From one side of the Burnside Bridge to the other.

I had to fall back into the conversation and blow it up that's a that's a hilarious thing to do though to be like oh yeah well yeah i uh yeah apply geometry or whatever i don't even know how to fake it it's the funniest enough dude he was like you know the movie water world when uh kevin costa has just enough stuff to make a ship work yeah he uses every part of it that was shane in that lie he was using everything he knew about math that's david borey in every conversation he's ever been in he wasn't leaving anything in the cupboard dude everything went into the big bowl no sometimes you just gotta use all the ingredients and hope they mix good tell the truth shane it's that kind of podcast sean do you have a question the listeners can't

see it i'm shutting the door shutting the door i didn't look at the screen and as i looked at the screen i'm like of course they can notice that you're here maybe if i go to the side enough but no your whole shoulder's out of whack it's very apparent yeah i'll just shut the door uh that guy with his hand out of frame is sean s Jordan on Twitter Sean Cougarbell Jordan on Instagram eating the Insta ham listening to Insta wham dude wake me up before you go go you know my mom will still say that

she didn't know that George Michael was gay you know until like five years ago and then I'll show her a picture I'll pull it up on my phone I'm like this is the cover of the wham album and she's like yeah yeah and I'm like okay listen man I don't know if we can like like this is the cover of the wham album and uh she's like yeah yeah and i'm like yeah but you listen man i don't know if we can like dudes can just love day glow yeah i think i'm on your mom's

side on this one and actually like we didn't know dude when in the faith video you just looked macho dude no faith was before faith wham was before no i know i know yeah wham was the first one right video wouldn't be that Yeah when I see the fake Well whatever I'm just My mom loves George Michael No matter what He was just a sexy little baby deer

In Wham dude Just prancing around Yeah Very innocent looking that guy I don't know i don't vote democrat but i don't i don't know the words instead right did your mom like knowing that's the exact lyrics yeah yeah i'm never gonna prance again hobo he's talking to a hobo dude i'm gonna split that can of beans with you did your mom know any gay people though like is it you know what i mean

like well george michael george michael she did i don't know i did yeah little lisa was uh was gay that was like one of her best friends when i was i don't know five or six or something now is this like a calling a fat guy tiny kind of thing yes it was lisa was big okay little lisa damn dude yeah i don't know i don't know all the details but yeah she might love it some people some people love it i don't know if she lived downtown i do know she lived downtown she was living downtown driving all the old men crazy oh i love that song the boys are back in town i know that's not what we're talking about but i really like it it just makes me and it's just like everything you want your friends to be back in town doing.

If the boys want to fight, you better let them. That's exactly what I was just thinking. That chicken's Johnny's place. I like it when people sound like they're kind of out of breath when they're singing. I told them you were living downtown. That's a black guy, right? Driving all your men crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, that's how it rips, dude. And if the boys want to fight, you better let them. That's a good point, man. Let them get that steam out, dude. The boys, they're back. They're back. I love being back.

Sean and I are going to go get in fights in Portland when I get up there, man. Yeah, if the boys want to fight, you better let them. Every time I almost told someone to put a mask on the other day when I was out, I was like, now if I were with Ian, he'd be screaming it already as I'd be thinking it. And then, you know, probably just going to- Oh, no, but I said he was cool. I mean, he was red hot, man. I mean, he was steaming.

The thing about- Would you, have you yelled, wear a mask? I could see it. Oh, yeah. You remember that chick who used to dance a lot? Dude, every night out there showing what she's got. Out there showing what she's got.

I mean, when I say she was cool, she was red hot. I mean, she was red hot. I have screamed at people to wear a mask a couple times, and I've said it politely. I made a friend through it. You remember that? That guy came to my door afterwards. Oh, yeah.

That dude. Yeah, right. That dude from Massachusetts. From Baltimore, dude. Be more. He ended up being a very chill guy. He ended up being a very chill dude. But I've also screamed at a couple people.

And then, like, there was a family walking by. I i had my mask on they had masks around their neck we passed each other on the sidewalk and i was just like please wear your mask please please like you just like i was like you don't know if you have it please just please like i'm trying anything you know like if there's one thing i know about you getting in altercations it's like if the boys want to fight you better let them you better let them dude better let them i don't know many other words to that song i realized you really got that song down david really knows the lyrics to that song yeah well i just got back today so yeah i'm wild eyed but i had been away just got back to town yeah boys been away sean you have anything to promote dude i have an album available on a special thing records

and there are flasks available. We just got a new shipment in. Flask about me. Yeah, dude. Flask me a question. And go there and buy the album. Stream it if you're bored. Or if you're not, even if you're in the shower, just stream it.

I'll get money. And then go buy a flask or DM me, and I can send you a flask, too. I have like 20 coming to me. And yeah, also put positive energy out into the world. Out of bed. Out of bed. Scoop it up, dude. Two scoops of positive energy.

David Borey, the cool guy. No, that's cool. That's cool. David Borey, the cool guy. David Borey, the cool guy on the podcast today. David's so cool. I like hanging out with him. I am so cool. I am a very cool guy.

Welcome to Ludovic Weekly. In Bavaria, I am the coolest. David's so fun. He's going to smoke marijuana on the podcast today. Look at my fingers. He's got joint fingers, David does. I'm doing this bit

where I put a bunch of tube tubes on my fingers, but you guys can't see it those are called tube tubes yeah they are that's awesome yeah so David what are your five favorite crevasses I do I do love the curvature of the neck

of the nape I am a nape man David what are your five favorite things for to be moist return to planet of the Napes. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. Apparently I'm going to Germany soon. Did someone just say Planet of the Napes?

Yeah, I said that. That's awesome. I was making sure I heard that right. I like it. planet of the names uh you know uh read my man sam talent's book running the light available on his instagram at sam t-a-double-l-e-n-t two l's for a double dose of them laughs yeah you know keep donating keep awareness going guys and just uh be safe you gotta be on the internet all day if it makes you sad that's all i got to say you know if it's i'm never on there anymore and i feel way better i tweeted a joke yesterday and like some like

there's a company in la like some crowd uh audience filler like what like i don't know a crowd that gets audiences for like stand-up comedians or whatever for whatever reason i forget what they were called and i'm not gonna say their name anyway but like i just tweeted some joke and they were like you are morbidly obese and dying every day it's like it was a it was a harmless joke and they were like sitting there behind their computer like, you know what I'm going to say. Listen, man. I just realized. Remember when you didn't know everybody's opinion?

That was tight. I don't need to know everybody's hot take. I don't. I don't. Especially because on Twitter, it's just a bunch of people. I don't know if you're qualified to say what you're saying. It's just people saying shit. It's just people saying, like well actually in 1997 well can you give me proof or are you just talking dude in a basement

i hate it definitively and they're so like definitive about it and everything too you can't really as like as fact and like i'll tell loris i was like oh damn i just saw this on twitter and she goes did you look into it at all and i go no i didn't exactly i'm just gonna say 4 000 cows a day get herpes and that's yeah and it's from one guy and it's from some dude in tennessee i've never met yeah exactly that's why i can't do it man nobody's funny on there except for like you guys are funny jam Jamel Johnson's funny. I'm not funny. Thank you for saying that.

I'm not funny at all on Twitter. I appreciate it. I didn't even say it. I exclusively try to tell jokes now. Yeah, I try to hop on when I have something. Political discourse is not going to be, that's not where I. I just found myself tweeting like, and now please await a statement from the official Twitter account of Ian Carmel.

And it's like, I'm a fucking late night writer. What the fuck? I mean, I'll try to amplify other voices or whatever the fuck. I don't know. But what the fuck do I have to contribute? And I'm not slandering myself. I'm also as dumb as you. On Twitter, don't look to me.

I'm as dumb as you. And you're as dumb as me. And you're dumb. Yeah, I was putting doob tubes on my fingers three minutes ago. I asked you your five favorite things for to be moist. That's what I'm good at. Let me talk about this. Last night, we put together an Ikea television entertainment center, Stan.

Quit bragging. I got a new Roku. Oh, you're married. You're in love with someone who helps you build IKEA furniture. How many doob tubes are on your fingers right now? I've never had a doob tube.

I thought so. I thought so. Damn. Got a new Roku, so now I can watch Game On on Wednesday nights. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the television

instead of on my laptop. Check that show out. Sean got a new Roku, so I can watch Game On on Wednesday nights. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the television instead of on my laptop. Check that show out. Sean got a new Roku, so I can watch Game On on Wednesday nights. Once he hits me with the details, CBS All Access is complicated. It's fucking complicated.

It is complicated. It's way more complicated than I wanted it to be. It's a lot more complicated than it needs to be. I was like, let me just knock this out real fast. Nah. 20 minutes later, I have the camera. You gotta be like, identify NCIS plot lines and shit like that. Yeah, they're asking me who the top characters, my favorite characters on Jag are. I'm like, dude, this is not what I came here for.

This fucking Jag off. Yeah. I don't know. I thought NCIS was about North Carolina until yesterday. Didn't Dennis Rodman go to NCIS for a couple years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. NCIS pet. That's why he was. yesterday didn't didn't dennis rodman go to ncis for a couple years yeah yeah yeah yeah speaking of cbs all access i am ian carmel ian carmel on twitter ian carmel on instagram ian carmel on the uh jewish jewish patreon uh-huh shout out to all of our patrons on Patreon. We're doing it

early on this one. We love you all the... I guess that's what I'll do. Promote. Watch Game On on CBS. There's a couple episodes left, I think, when this comes out. Or maybe just one. Either way, Wednesdays at 8 or available on CBS All Access or on the CBS website, cbs.com. CBS, Columbia

Broadcasting System. Saved you a Google. Gotta keep one eye open like cbs what if your googles were limited if you only got like 30 googles a month or if you had to pay for like per google or something god i know a lot less about ti my i would hate for anybody to see what i googled dude i went through and deleted my history once i've only done it once where you're just like what in the fuck was i doing again just to remind everyone i googled why do farts smell like that i googled perfect boobs not that long ago a year ago or two months ago i don't know but it's like that's in there somewhere and you're like that's i would be a much more valuable member of society if you had

limited googles because the stuff i know is the stuff people google like it's nothing helpful like nobody's googling like how do i build a hydro electric dam you know like that's stuff you have to go to school for but people are googling like like what's the capital of vermont or like what are the real lyrics to holy diver right you know what am i missing too long in the midnight sea oh what's becoming of me yeah of me ride the tiger you can see his stripes but you know he's clean oh don't you see what I mean you gotta get away

there's that interview on if you guys haven't watched the I think it's the Big Brother documentary but they're talking about velvet lines Chris Naratko goes to interview Ronnie James Theo at like the rainbow room or something and everybody's like set for the moment ride the tiger they all tell him like don't bring

up how little he is like do not mention that he's short and the first thing he does he walks in he's like whoa just a little guy huh oh yeah he's like how's such a big voice come out of you're so you're just so tiny i'm not not trying to be a dick but you're just man you're small huh oh i'd be upset too poor geo dude it's hilarious but like it is so crazy where you're just like i'd be scared he was gonna murder me dude that i mean oh my god it is anyway watch that documentary it's very good yeah and if you are not a member of our patreon feel free to join our patreon where you you have you get exclusive mailbag episodes watch alongs where we will uh watch something and then join you in commenting on it i think we need to record a couple of those actually we could do that while i'm up there yeah

oh yeah dude that'd be tight i'd be into that we put out a we put out a playlist of music we've been into every month and you get membership to the shaslackity which is the all fantasy everything all family everything slack you can join that and then uh we have pre-rolls as well yeah we have pre-rolls so this is uh something new anything that is recorded but not used for the show so it could be like the pre-roll before we actually lead into it. Oh, they've all been good. David, is this news to you? We released that? Yeah. We've been releasing some of it. You're well aware of what has been on there.

Yeah, it's all good. I talked about my Skurrlus activities in Bolivia on those pre-rolls. Nobody has been to Bolivia. Nobody's been to Bolivia. Okay, that's right. Was the Bolivia stuff on there? Nobody's been to Bolivia. I'm just saying.

Yeah, we're uploading even more content there. So it's just like quick short clips, like things that didn't make the episode or if there was like something that happened in the episode that anything that may have gotten edited out, but like still too good to not share is going up on the Patreon. That's amazing. We're calling it the Marissa pre-rolls. You get a ton of content. I like that.

I like Marissa pre-rolls. And that's not just because my fingers are inside. You literally have pre-rolls on your that's not just because my fingers are inside your fingers. You have witch fingers with joints. Also, if we get to 40,000 Patreon members, we'll release the Philadelphia episode. It's an empty promise. We'll never get there.

Out of curiosity. Is that anywhere? It's proficiently gone. You have a copy of it. The yarmulke's in my bedroom. I know I sent it to you. I was just wondering if it's still there or not. All right, that's funny.

The yarmulke's in my bedroom. Say no more. And then somebody dies, dude. The tornado sirens go off right after somebody says that. We got a live stream because I'm doing a lot of physical jokes today. There's a lot of physical comedy coming out of David's box. There's a little wink, dude. A little, yeah.

And sometimes those clips do end up, or they may end up on the Patreon. So maybe I'll clip this out and post it on the Patreon. Oh, yeah. Let them see me shining. Dude, Edward pre-roll hands. Sean's doing some physical comedy, too. Oh, I love that bit. Oh, no.

What's going on here? Oh, Ian just pulled his thumb off for real hold on what's going on here whoa hold on why'd you pull your thumb off they can't even see it audio folks you just have to subscribe to the patreon to see this hot content so god i love tricking children i also got one random Patreon member's nose. I'll get it back at the end of the episode. So there we go. Now we are gathered here today not only to pull schoolyard pranks on children. Ian, what's that behind your ear?

Wait a minute. What? Oh, my God. What's that? It's a dupe tube. Oh! That's a very realistic. That is a fun magic trick that you just did for real that is fun what's behind your ear yeah i know magic and then just oh you got a tiktok picture sean why don't you sean you should sean why don't you lean in lean

in for a second here yeah what's that oh it's my bank of america checkbook wow what was that doing behind your ear i want to explain why i found this behind your ear marissa i think there's oh yep it's hayne heinz tomato ketchup oh it's just a pack it was just back there thanks david sean why don't sean david why don't you lean in for a second actually oh is there you lean in i felt like i feel like oh it's a house plant what was that doing back there yeah it's a fairly it's a fairly healthy house plant and i think there's something behind your ear i think if you lean in i'll grab it oh it's a pair of lakai cambridge that i got a few weeks ago that baby blue stripes on them that's pretty wild that. That's crazy. That is crazy. That's crazy that that was back there.

I thought they were the ones with the burgundy stripes back there. No, no, no. Those are back there. Those are farther back there. This might be in his butt. At three different price points, it's a bargain at any of them. Join the AFE Patreon. Now we are gathered here today not only to pull shoes

out from behind my ears which is a believable situation but also to fantasy draft bit parts in movies or tv shows we think we would absolutely nail can we suggested who suggested it on twitter uh let me look here well while we're doing this can we yeah does a music video account oh yeah yeah i think so just maybe we're each allowed one music video i just have one i have one that i've been saying since the dawn of me being like oh yeah i that should be me i have one i know exactly who is. Stop it. I know every time we watch the video, you point that guy out. Stop with it. Stop.

You're saying you want one music video pick. I feel like you want a couple music video picks. You know the one that he wants for sure. Stop. Stop. Stop. Just ask him. What can I find?

This dude just brought it up yesterday. Hold on. I want to shout this dude out. Yeah. My Twitter's not as deep. Let me look. It was actually barack obama shout out to pierce kelly at pierce kelly on instagram for bringing up for this recommendation hell yeah pierce it was on instagram was it no it was on

twitter i'm um there it is okay brain is mush it's a great idea i was tweeting about the shit yesterday and he brought up how he had told us about it like months ago so yeah shout out to you now the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go the two of you better play rock paper scissors shoot damn dude i just took a drink of ice cold soda and lost you're off soda i know that yeah i'm off i cut it off i just wanted you guys to think i was cool i just like walking around the block with a soda and then i dump it out uh sean as the winner of rock paper david no sean is the loser of rock

paper scissors i think lots of you immediately david as the winner it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question it's like if you're putting together an ikea tv shelf ripped from the headlines ripped from the headlines this one yeah it's almost like if you forgot to think one up. So you're going in your head, you're like, I wonder what would be a better explanation of a serpentine draft. Is it putting together an Ikea TV shelf?

And you're like, yeah, that could be all right. And then you start to think to yourself, well, that's not really anything serpentine about that. So you go, maybe I could talk about my walk that I went on after I did it. And then you think that you kind of, but you just ended up going from A to B. So you'd kind of dwell a little bit more on the walk that you took, but then you're like, no, I think I could use the TV shelf explanation to explain what a serpentine draft is. And then you, again, you realize that all it did was kind of cause you to fight with your fiance a little bit and didn't really dive

too far into what a serpentine explanation is. And then, uh, you'd start to think about the walk again. You're like, yeah, I mean a walk. If I zigzag from block to block, maybe that's sort of serpentine. And then you start to think like, no, that's really not going to explain to David what it is after 180 so episodes. And then on your way back to maybe thinking you could explain it with a TV shelf. Again, you catch Marissa in, uh, the Zoom call and you see her face and you're like, oh man, this really isn't working to explain to David what a serpentine draft is. So then you just go with

the TV shelf explanation and basically you put all the screws in one side and then you kind of go all the way over and then put the screws in the other side. Oh my god, this is two of them in one. Yeah, two strips of bacon on that explanation. Do you get it yet, David? In the words of the great eddie peppertone what the fuck basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick uh first

of the second round i love how david's misunderstanding of the serpentine rules has like either emerged or re-emerged as a character in your explanations. Yeah, every week. I get it. If you just get it through your gall darn head, then I wouldn't have to explain it to everybody all the time. First of all, I have a goddamn head. I'm an adult. Good thing it's Sunday, bud. Good thing it's Sunday.

Not our Sabbath, I'll tell you that. Not our Sabbath. Not ours at all. Mine's on Wednesday. You don't know what I am. That's when I used to go to CCD was on Wednesdays. CCDs? That's Canadian McDonald's, right?

I don't know. I don't know, Marissa. I don't know. No, I liked it. All right. Now, David, now that you understand fully what a serpentine draft is for the first time in your life, what will the order of today's draft be? It's going to be easy peasy lemon squeezy David Sean Ian.

Hell yeah. Hot. Easy. Corner, dude. Hot corner. Well, David, as you've given yourself the first pick, which means you have the first pick in the movie care bit parts in movies or TV shows or music videos that we think we'd nail,

you have the first pick, which we'll get to right after this short break. this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. They had science-backed. What else

do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way to learn a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said,

they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works.

One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which come on, that's a no brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy.

Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292

per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything. But it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst?

And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork,

shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it.

Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharp me just take you on a walk.

You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and

educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15 15 off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all

fantasy yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything it's a podcast you fucking idiot i don't know how's that felt me just during the pot remember that it felt me oh yeah yeah all of this is pre-roll stuff too. Ooh. I see when we all did collective dances, the dances got too difficult. Remember when it was just like we were all doing the macaroni in the late 90s. I was doing the macaroni in the late 90s. I was doing the macaroni. I've been doing the macaroni for quite some time. Yeah, rigatoni hard. I was doing macaroons, too.

I was doing a lot of... I was really experimenting with my macaroons. Yeah, macaroon me. And then... Actually, it was like... Eat a lot. A lot. How many macaroons is too many macaroons?

I don't know. Dinner's an hour,aroons is too many macaroons? I don't know. Dinner's in an hour. Dinner's in hours, so six was too many. That was the answer. I'm full of coconut. I'm cuckoo for coconuts. Mom, you know that about me. You know that, mother.

You read my diary. Man, we would get a little tin can of macaroons around every Passover, and i would eat them even though i didn't really like them that much i don't know why were you celebrating passover are you jewish marzipan 100 bar mitzvah and everything yes i am marzipan i don't yeah i'm like do i like this i don't think i like it's almonds i don't like it i don't like either marzipan marzipan and baklava too i fuck i fuck with baklava that little honey crispy i wish i like baklava i look like i should like baklava i you are a baklava yeah there's a baklava store from like three blocks away

baklava factory is like right down the street what's's the thing? It's not baklava, but it's like you wear it around your face. Balaclava. Yeah, I like those too. Yeah, and then there's a Russian instrument. Oh, you have baklava in a balaclava. Close it off. I'll never play in a balalaika, which is a Russian instrument. Oh, yeah.

My babushka eating baklava wearing a balaclava playing the... Oh, fuck. I almost got it. I almost landed at the point. Playing basketball. I'll pick up the slack for you. I'll pick up the slack. balaclava playing the oh fuck i almost got it i almost landed the point basketball i'll pick up the slack for you i'll pick up the slack he loves his baklava a lot of people don't realize that is what the first curtis blow verse and then they were like who is this for is my favorite food. Every time I eat it, I'm in a good mood.

Curtis Blow. It's phyllo dough and honey crisp. I'll ask for baklava if I had one wish. Yummy, yummy, in my tummy. If you don't eat baklava, you're a bummy. On my shirt, there's lots of crummies baklava is super yummy he's eating baklava somebody get def jam on the horn yeah tell him we got one get jimmy eileen out here hang up

they'll find us if i could just follow the smell of baklava. They'll fucking find us. Hey, Curtis, this is your cousin, Terry Blow. We found you. People talk about culture. People talk about cultural appropriation a lot, but they forget that sometimes it goes the other way.

Curtis Blossom stole that song from a very small baklava-oriented community in Glendale. Oh, Curtis, this is your cousin Terry? Terry Blow? You know this dude's dessert you were looking for? Well, listen to this. You know how you recently came

into a bunch of phyllo dough and already had a lot of honey for some reason? This is the opposite of twitter this is fun all right david uh what is the what is your first pick in the bit parts you think you'd nail draft i think that i could be good as the cop that tells everybody where the bad guys are right now so like you and sean are like talking about the bad guys and i bust in like we just got a call 49th and maine let's ride 49th and maine so maybe like we're sitting around the table eating baklava you know it's like yeah yeah yeah i don't know where yeah here kick kick it you guys kick it back and forth i'll come

in all right cool i don't know man she like she wants to get married but like and like it's not that i don't love her it's just that i don't know yeah it's a it's a big step it's not it's not something you just want to rush into you want it to be right you know i just thought i just thought i'd you know i want to be able to provide for her right now and it's just like i'm well she doesn't need to be provided for six we just got a call downtown there there it's time for the drop hold that thought let's roll all right yeah yeah that's great yeah yeah like even preferably if i could like knock some food out of your hands. I think I know. There's no time.

I think I know, but which one is Bonzo and which one is Sig's? Oh, you're Bonzo, he's Sig's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. My worst friend's name is still Sig's McGregs. And Bonzo, bedtime for Bonzo, he was like a friendly monkey in a movie from the 50s. Oh, really? Yeah, I think Rolly's Reagan. He's a dude from my my town shout out to anthony sandren i did not know that fuck yeah bonzo there's other people i didn't know there was other people named bonzo well there's bedtime

for bonzo which i think was a movie that ronald reagan was in and then there's bonzi wells but that's bonzi yeah i had no idea and bonzo yeah check out bonzo malone on instagram he takes a lot of great pictures and then some pictures of me when i was like 15 not weird just because we were friends he's taking pictures just like artistic sort of like what yeah yeah but like oh yeah it's tasteful taste sort of man connecting with nature and you have to be naked to do that so it's like yeah yeah yeah we were in photography club together we it's a whole thing uh yeah i'd be the cop who like tells you where the guys are at right now that's that's i think it'd be great all right i think i just thought of a new one because of that i just got a tip yeah yeah exactly exactly right now they're there right now right now i think i think i would be

great i think it's funny when they're like they're like it's a bunch of cops in los angeles and you're like okay so realistically an hour and 15 minutes from now you'll be there so i'm sure they'll be gone ever like they've been on the run for a year i'm sure they're not going to be there in an hour and 15 minutes they're on western vermont oh i know where that is oh i didn't think of real places damn that would have been better they're on magnolia and agnes that's where i live shit shit uh ah fuck all right next person uh sean time for your first pick dude all right well my first pick is going to be something that's Alright, next person.

Sean, time for your first pick, dude. Alright, well my first pick is going to be something that's actually in a movie that I always thought I could be good at. And that I've always wanted to do. In The Karate Kid, when they're right after someone kicks Daniel's knee. And he's on the ground. And in the background you can hear some guy's voice. And Daniel's laying there and he's like writhing in pain. this guy's just like get him a body bag yeah oh yeah my whole life i'm just like i want to be the get him a body bag guy i've always wanted to do that oh dude because it no it just sounds listen to it if you haven't listened to it lately

it is so shitty you're just first of all you're like this guy doesn't really want him dead it's just so funny and he says it like such a high school bully did you get him a body bag yeah you're like oh and i just i think i'm good at it i think i can nail that voice what are some other what do you what are some other lines you think you could yell out when people are getting their asses whipped i mean i guess if it oh i was just gonna say one when i was at the mechanic okay yeah i guess if it needs to be other situations like yeah you're the mechanic and you're up next but the person there they got quoted 400 but they found some other problems it's gonna be 1200 all day well i guess if it's got to be fixed

eventually just fix it now wow that was so long i didn't i thought it was going to be two words i wasn't ready that's what you say the mechanic well fuck it if you got to do it do it is it am i going to need it i gotta i gotta be honest i'm lost on this riff guys you're at the beach i don't know okay so you're at the beach sean and you see another couple there and uh they they drove there to see the sunrise but they're on the west coast and like that's where the sun that's where you can see the sunset at the beach so they were confused and they fucking got up at 4 a.m to drive to the beach for no reason and you're just sitting there having a breakfast sandwich and you can see he's really disappointed and upset

and you're clued into it. What do you say? You should have gone to Boston, you dummy. That's where the sun would have come up, you see. Is Boston the coast of town? I have no idea. I guess it's in the tea party. You should have have come up, you see. Is Boston a coastal town? I have no idea. I guess it's still in the Tea Party. It probably is.

You should have gone to Boston, you tell me. You should have gone to Boston. This is a crazy voice. Give him a teabag. Well played. That's great. That's great. I'm back in.

Yeah, anyway, the get him a body bag guy, I've always wanted to do that. Get him a tea bag. Get him a tea bag. All right, with my first pick, I'm going to take, so it's in a comedy movie, and people are in a zoo, right? People are in a zoo. I know what you're doing. And there's two zookeepers.

And there's me, and I'm holding a very small animal. And then the other zookeeper is a very small woman, and she's got a very big animal. Wait, oh, is there? What are you saying? No, he's the guy at the zoo with the small animal. Oh, okay. It's just a physical. It's an eye joke. It's an eye game. It's more of an eye game. Oh, okay. It's just a physical, an eye joke.

It's an eye game. It's more of an eye game. But like, I'll paint a picture for you, sure. It's a romantic comedy, and people, like, they're finally having their first kiss, and then it cuts to us, and I'm holding, like,

one of those very, very small lemurs, and the very small woman next to me is like, she's got an elephant, or the elephant's too big. She's got, like, a rhino, and I'm is like, she's got an elephant or an elephant's too big. She's got like a rhino. And I'm just like, oh, I love love. And she's like, shut up. You know?

Oh, dude, I think you can do better than I love love. This is your bit part where you make a statement. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. So this is like, I almost see you saying something like, so should we kiss too? Oh, I like the answer. We're workshopping.

That's not bad at all. That could be us. There it is. That could be us, but you're playing. Yeah. It comes to me all khaki, short shorts. One of those tight button-up khaki. shorts you know what i mean tight like one of those

tight button-up khaki i'm wearing a pith helmet i'm at the zoo i'm holding a very small lemur i can see it i can see it i can see it you're a pith lord i'm a pith lord my second pick this was the this i have to take it just because it's the tweet that like sparked this this entire topic uh that like got that guy to reply to us about it uh so i tweeted already but i have to take it just because i really think i would nail this part sparked this entire topic that got the guy to reply to us about it. So I tweeted it already, but I have to take it just because I really think I would nail this part. And the part is the guy who says,

lady, you can't go in there. But then the lady goes in there. Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Like, probably you're a cop. I'm either a cop, I'm a security guard, I'm a guy working a desk. Like, put me in any position. But you're frazzled already. I'm frazz frazzled i'm not gonna do anything about it and she's going in

there she's going in there for sure dude she doesn't listen to me for a second lady anna kendrick she's she's detective tequila it could be anyone it could be anna kendrick it could be taraji p henson it could there's like there's no one i'm stop you know what i mean like it could be Taraji P. Henson. There's no one I'm stopping. You know what I mean? It could be Helen Mirren. I'm definitely not stopping Helen Mirren. Are you worried for her safety, or are you worried that she's going into a restricted area? She's going to a restricted area. She's like, my boss has said, I don't see anybody right now.

She could be a detective going into a crime scene. All I know is, lady, you can't go in there. Yeah, that's all you know. Lady, lady lady you can't go in there yeah that's all you lady lady you can't go in there i'm probably in the middle of lunch in this scenario yeah yeah oh my god is some lettuce hanging out or something yeah yeah i feel like it's the kind of thing where you've been trying to eat lunch all day all day like the whole thing oh you just want to your wife packed you some leftovers from last night you just want to, your wife packed you some leftovers from last night. You just want to eat lunch. You feel for that person.

And then stuff keeps happening. You sit down, you're about to take a bite. The fire alarm goes off. You're like, cheese and rice. All right. Oh, a little horseradish. What is that, Miracle Whip? No?

Okay. Why is it whenever someone's trying to eat lunch in that kind of situation when they keep having to stop, whenever they go back to sit down to continue their lunch, they always start with a different part of their lunch than they were about to eat the time before so they'll like they'll pick up an apple the second time and they're like fuck now my apple had an emergency and then they'll sit down again and just go to like poke the juice box open and they're like what do you mean someone died on the tarmac it's gonna take longer than lunch they never just sit back down and like ready to eat their sandwich or just take a quick bite

and then go what do what they're gonna do right yeah yeah yeah which is the smarter move you got to get some of the sustenance perchance i'll have more luck with a pickle spear no man go back to the sandwich oh that's tight yeah dude lady you can't go in there. Those are my two picks. Sean, time for your second pick. This is one I just thought of when David was going first. And I want to be a little dramatic. I don't really sink my teeth into drama all that much. But I figure if I just have one line in this situation... You sink your teeth into drama plenty, my friend.

You love it. You watch Riverdale, dog. What are you talking about? So not the drama? Not you. So the drama. I watch Lenox Hill. I watch Grey so not the drama I watch not you so the drama I watch Lennox Hill I watch Grey's Anatomy I watch Nashville I watch Friday Night Lights people say save the drama for your mama I save it for Sean I save it for Sean too I send him a box

of drama every week yeah very small box of drama some Johnny dramas there's there we're in a hospital and I'm not the doctor or the surgeon or anything. I'm the lab technician. And they're waiting on a very important CT scan results. And unfortunately they're not the results they were hoping for. This doctor is emotionally invested into this patient. And I get the results and I know they're bad.

The doctor has a feeling they're bad but they don't know yet. And so I bring the manila envelope over with the x-rays and I hand them to the doctor. And not like I need to say anything because i've already said it with my eyes yeah but i just set them in the doctor's hands and i go i'm sorry and then i just walk away oh you tell the doctor the such dude nobody thinks about the guy who tells the doctor the such well because the doctor knows the doctor knows that they have to tell the patient and i know the doctor has to tell the patient but it'd be weird if the lab technician came in and told the patient

like hey it's terminal brain cancer i apologize so i just tell the doctor i said it gently in his hands and again as if i didn't need to say anything but i still do and i go i'm sorry and i honestly might even put my hand on his shoulder uh because you know he needs it doctors don't get that they need it doctors don't get that too much so just put my hand on their shoulder and then i walk away you did everything you could yeah that's oh yeah that could be another one like if i had a second line if i nailed i'm sorry so well that they're like sean get back here play second line baby this one we got we got it in the can now do you and i'm just like now the script calls for cold plays fix you to start playing right now but we actually want to see what other tools you got in your toolbox uh i'm gonna give us a little

bit that's happened to me on a tv show before and it's like the coolest where they're like all right so this was gonna end now we're doing a one shot on you give us what you got that happened to me dope right before this quarantine that happened to you in the movie the aviator right they ended up making him like fly to the navigator fly to the navigator i was the little animal in his backpack i was only supposed to be one scene and then it ended up being a full 45 minute thing yeah yeah yeah i mean you know they ripped my dick off on the back end but uh well dude who doesn't? Hollywood's just ripping dicks off.

Dude, I mean, for fucking, for fuck's sake. I mean, once Clive Davis gets involved, I told, I was like, Clive, you fucking stay out of the movie business. If I'm going to go, I'm leaving music, bud. I'm leaving music. You won, all right, Clive? You fucking won. You ripped my dick off. You jammed it in my cello, and now I can't play that shit anymore.

So I'm going to the fucking pictures. Next thing I know, I'm sitting at Sardi's. Clive Davis is at the table next to me ripping some MGM dickhead's dick off. And I'm like, my dick's got to be next. My dick has got to be next. I haven't been to Sardi's since, all right? Oh, no. Clive Davis at Sardi's?

That's a dick ripping tournament. That's the fuck. That might as well be the fuck. That might as well be the fuck. They might as well sell fucking tickets. Come see Clive Davis rip somebody's dick off at Sardis. Get yourself a fucking drip cocktail. Clive Davis out all night getting sucked off by God knows who. You turned it.

It turned. I was going to text you guys this, and I don't know why I chose to wait until now to put it on a very public forum, but I was riding a bike thinking about the term blowjob, and I was like, man, suck job is way grosser. And then I just laughed and laughed for miles on a bike. For miles?

For miles on a bike thinking about the term suck job. That is, I know you well enough to know that is some shit you would just be chuckling about. Just like under your mask. It's like the erection specialist. Man, suck job sounds so bad. What are you laughing at? It's so bad.

It's such a bad term. That hard K, dude. That hard K goes to work, man. It brings a lunch pail oh yeah no i don't like it i don't like it oh yeah just the uh someone saying i'm sorry to the doctor with bad news i'm so that's great that's fucking great dude unless the bad news for clive davis fucking sorry sir you've ripped your last dick off uh david time for your second and third picks mr davis yourripping days are done.

With treatment, with certain therapies, you could maybe rip one to two more dicks off, but I'm afraid that's going to be it. Tops. Tops. No, don't tell me that. I'm sorry. Don't tell me that. I'm sorry.

How am I supposed to live? Don't tell me that. I got kids. Not now. Not today. They're out of mayonnaise. All right. My next thing I think I could do.

Okay, so you're at like a wedding, right? Yeah. And the groom or the bride, whoever's, I'm on one of their families. They're going around talking and thanking everybody for to come i'm the uncle who gives some weird advice to the freshly married god i've been i've been that guy just like remember veto take her gabagool in the night gabagool in the tight i don't know i didn't think of what i was gonna say i didn't think of what i was gonna say uh yeah just giving that weirdo wedding advice you know what i mean i could

just see you back there like you know it's all free right they're like there's not even a bar here what are you talking about and you're like life life is from somebody who's been married three different times yeah exactly keep a jar of peanut butter next to the bed. Yeah. You'll know what I mean. Love you, kid. Make sure she keeps the rosemary's in the potatoes. Or whatever.

I don't know. Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, kid. Never take her to SeaWorld. First of all, I love love you i'm proud second of all you're gonna think two for one is a good deal it's not and then i just leave it at that it means what it means that would just be sage advice listen sonny you get what you pay for all right all right you look wonderful in your suit i don't know why you don't dress up more often. Look at this haircut.

Look at this haircut. Look at you. You're GQ. You're so GQ. Listen, I got to tell you one thing, and I've been around the block a couple times. If a balloon animal ever starts talking to you, it's over. Listen, listen.

No matter what the Democrats tell you, Epcot Center is a scam. They're going to tell you you can't put shrimp in pancake batter. And I'm going to tell you, that's not the only thing they're wrong about. Hey, kid. Hey, kid, don't listen to the marine biologists. Dolphins never existed. You take that from us.

Go out there and shock the world. Yeah. You listen to your Uncle morty on that one hey kid let me tell you this don't ever let the school bus drive you alright hey kid I never got past the third grade but I'll tell you this right now multiplication is for suckers you don't need it listen to kid. I've taken more losses than I've got wins, but I've learned one thing along the

way. If you put a pineapple in your front seat and put the seatbelt around it, you can use the HOV lane. Now get out of here. Have some fun. Hey, kid. She's a nice girl. Good Polish family. I respect it. No matter what they tell you, listen,

you can believe it's not butter in my world i'm just imagining that this is really happening and then this dude steps back and he's like how many goddamn uncles are at this wedding he just got this advice from like 30 people he's like dude i don't know if i want to stay married man i there's one thing listen i've been completely honest with you throughout our relationship but there's one thing i forgot to tell you i have 15 uncles and they have been through some shit and they've all been around the block a couple times they all sound like a weathered second in command for the mob they all eat cigarettes that's why they talk like that. My uncles eat cigarettes. I'm sorry. The first collection of short stories by David Borey.

My uncles eat cigarettes. My uncles play Coke, Mule, Dominoes, whatever that is. The uncle who gives weird advice. That's great. And your third pick. My third pick. Okay. So this is like the good guy or like you're walking into the bad guy's

den right or maybe it's like maybe it's in a nightclub and you're walking up to the bad guy's table i'm the guy who wants to kill you first oh shit that's good before everybody else tells you to come like i'm like who the fuck is it? And then everybody's like, chill, chill, chill. And he's like, I got an offer for you. Or whatever. Ooh, let me rock and roll them, boss. Let me just, man, I can taste it. I want this kid so bad I can smell it.

No, no, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool. It's all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're a good guy. You just say with your eyes, you're like, it's not all right with me. But if it's all right with you, I'm going to let it be all right. But it's not. If you say he's good, boss, I'll let him sit.

You use some weird euphemism for it. Like, let me make his pancakes, boss, all morning. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm going to tune him up. That one would, that's from in the town. He says, I was like, that's like, he just got tuned up. That's such a, I fight a lot way to say it. Yeah.

Almost, it's got to be something real casual like oh yeah let me make a sandwich boss let me pick it i swear i'll make a bouquet let me stamp his passport boss berlin and amsterdam what i'm gonna put a cup of blueberries in the pancake batter. You know what I'm talking about? It's like a mystery. I'd probably let you beat him up if you said that to me.

If I was the boss, I'd be like, all right, go beat him up. You got to like, it's the guy who wants to beat him up and then everybody else is like, with his, and he has to have like a crazy name.

Like everybody's like, Domino, chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Not to use your septum, but Stink Eye is a good one too. Stink Eye is good. like everybody's like domino chill yeah yeah yeah absolutely you know what i mean absolutely yeah not to use your septic but stink eye is a good one too good cheese whiz let him breathe and then the boss even can reference you later oh yeah he'd be like now you're lucky we're sitting

here at a crowded restaurant that is owned by my good friend. Otherwise, I'd let mouthwash have his way with you right now. But she and I, how I haven't had veal parmesan in over six months because I've been locked up, I'm going to go about eating my dinner and I'm going to take care of you later. And the whole time parmesan cheese was just seething. Listen, listen, listen, listen. I was going gonna let Ringo hear.

I was gonna let him beat the shit out of you with a brick. Just know exactly what he wanted to do. Beat the shit out of you with a brick. I love hitting people with bricks. I was gonna let old dick snapper snap your dick. Any other day, I'm letting my man man badusi tap dance on your face what you don't know is it's your lucky day because i have tickets to

see coldplay later otherwise i'd let popsicle here take your teeth out and put them in wrong man if my daughter didn't just get married last week, I'd let Sean come over there and wash your ass. I'll tell you what, boy. Oh, damn. You better wash your ass, dude. Oh, he did it. He did. I didn't think he was going to do it again. You fucking bet. You tried to pull that out on the Eddie Pepitone episode, and it's just like, that was a ship

that never made it to sea, man. He was just like, wash your ass. What the fuck? That was a good one. Absolutely. Absolutely. The guy who wants to fight fuck? That was a good one. Absolutely. Absolutely. The guy who wants to fight first. That's so fucking funny.

Sean, time for your third pick. This is also from a real movie. It's from Happy Gilmore. When they're doing the montage of when Happy starts to do well. And there's that guy they cut to. And he just goes, Happy, the gold jacket's yours. Shooter's gonna choke. I always thought i could

be that guy you could do that guy you could do that great so i mean the part could just be yelling a random thing of encouragement to somebody but in this one specifically i'm like one of those gold jackets yours shoot is gonna choke it's like all the time i'm like yeah i'd say that exactly what's gonna happen i get people back. You do get people's back. You can absolutely, yeah. It'd be such a fun one. Happy. Shooter's going to choke.

The gold jacket's yours. It's just such a dope line that sticks out to me. I've always liked it. Hey, Shane, don't worry. The iced coffee's yours. You know, something like that. Hey, Shane, don't worry. Everybody believes that you majored in a very complicated math program in college.

I can see you doing that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, man. Just a random line of encouragement to somebody who just needs it a little bit. Yeah. And the specific examples from Happy Gilmore. I always like that. You guys know what part I'm talking about, right?

Yeah, absolutely. All right. Just making sure. It's just a terrible pick, so we're not riffing on it i guess you couldn't tell i didn't have to say that was the opposite of what i would do that was a line of discouragement look what you did you little jerk i just watched home alone the other night and i was just thinking i was like what if i heard my brother say that to my son me and my brother would have what i imagine was one of many fights that we've already had fistfights in the front yard of like you

you called my son what you would call someone at a bar who knocked your drink over on purpose yeah and this is my son who accidentally knocked over some milk in our five million dollar house in chicago and just the spite that was loaded into that too you know it was a jerk all knowing that that kid over there is going to piss all over the bed we're making him sleep in your son pees everywhere let maybe worry about that spill transfer we can't pick that up with bounty paper towels yeah uh every time your kid comes over i gotta fucking pay for dry cleaning and you're mad my son spills some milk have you now you have laura has like uh nephews uh-huh have you ever had crosswords with any of them no they were not there yet they don't

test me because they know they just know you're about that they can't really it's not like uh like i saw me beat the shit out of the guy one time and they know i drove some guy owed me money it was like that scene and above the rim i was like all right you guys just watch what happens here this guy just owes me 10 bucks so imagine what happens if i'm really mad and then kids don't step out of line if they've seen you pistol whip a grown man and they have certainly have i've had to a couple times like and only a couple times and just like change the tone of my voice to like hey like that kind of thing you know yeah yeah i i don't know stop it no hey i did an eyebrow thing but for the i was gonna i was gonna be like i bet they uncle karm's eyebrows gets talked about quite a bit hey they go up dude

they go up i raised the championship banners and then we have a ring ceremony if you know what i mean that is beautiful. That's hilarious. God damn it. I wasn't ready for that. I raised the championship, man. 96, 97, right here. Back to back, all right. Hit him with two thirds of the three beat.

That's right. King Kong. hit him with two thirds of the three beat i go dynasty on him and then 824 up in the rafters i give him horace grant and scotty pep and dude yeah oh the random encouragement guy that's a great pick That's a great pick. That is a great pick. So this is... For this one, I need to go... I'm definitely in costume for this one. Okay. It's in an old-timey movie. It's in an old-timey movie.

Like Chinatown old? I'm talking like it's Old West, probably. Old West, but not early, early Old West. It's like in a town, but in the Old West. Okay. And I have my hair parted down the middle and combed to either side yeah i'm wearing a big vest i'm wearing a big vest and i'm the guy who owns the bank in the town oh you're like pj calamity yeah yeah yeah

or whatever his name is you gotta have a big name i absolutely yeah it's definitely H.J. Money Bank yeah yeah yeah H.R. Bridges and stuff that's Houndstooth Porkloin the bank man Houndstooth Porkloin you gotta have like a huge cigar you're not gonna rob this bank or my name

isn't Egret Q Money Mans I probably have a big mustache My name isn't Egret Q Moneymans. I probably have a big mustache, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not a tiny part, but I'm only in, like, one scene. It's like when they're robbing the bank, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you don't ever.

It's the Dalton gang. Run for the hills. I almost see a name, like, a last name like Pennebaker or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be, like, two, three syllables. QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ I could only think of one. Herbert, Quincy, Quality. I don't even have it. Quality would be a dope middle name, dude. Quality, dude. That would be a dope. Sean Quality Jordan, dude. Damn.

Sean Q. Jordan. SQJ, bud. The day I opened this bank, I vowed I'd never let any of you ruffians, roughnecks, or cow wranglers step in here with your six-shooter. But today, my plan seems to have gone awry, so I'll hide here in this pickle barrel until things blow over. And they're like, we just need you to say one line.

All right, fine. Easier said than done, sir. You've created a backstory for a character that doesn't need a backstory. I made my money selling geese to Dutch immigrants in New York. Moved out west to start a new life after one of the geese turned out to be a skunk painted white. The character is called Obese Bank Man.

You're doing too much. I have OBV. I didn't need all that. You don't even have a full costume. It's just a jacket and a shirt. Leave the salt and pepper at home, goddammit. We didn't even put you on the call sheet. You're not mic'd.

You got here at 3 p.m., bro. What are you doing? Peculiar happenings afoot in this whole western town. Bruce Willis is like, dude, shut up. We have to get rid of this i just want to go home to my kids i got a fucking plane waiting to take me to sun valley the engine is on get this guy off the fucking set some horse did you braid the hair yourself or do you pay a stable boy to do it shut up dude

fuck yeah dude oh man the whole time you guy owns a bank my fourth pick my fourth pick is gonna be uh it's when it's when the mob has has someone and they're they're about to beat information out of them i'm not the guy doing the beating but i'm the guy who closes the door oh and then it like shuts and then the room you can't see what's going on the camera's pulling back you know what i mean like yeah i know exactly what you mean you see tom hardy he's tied to a chair he's got his hands behind his back you know and then there's like a guy with all the tools yeah exactly yeah he's

wearing like he's like dressed like a barber for some reason. And he walks out and he's sharpening something. And I'm the guy who like kind of looks out the door, looks both ways and then shuts it. You're scarier because you don't even have to be in there and you just want to watch. Yeah, exactly. Like there's no, you don't even have to be there. I'm wearing a suit while someone's getting tortured. That's a weird move. Eating.

So intense. Eating. Just like a Slim Jim. Like, all right, get to it. I want to feel flesh in my teeth while this is happening. Yeah. 100%. Close the door.

Close the door, guy. That's a good guy, man. That's a good one. That's so buck to think that there's somebody in the room who doesn't need to be there. You're like, God, you're scarier than the person who's doing the torturing. Yeah. Frank, you were off at seven. You could have just gone home.

Yeah, this is my after work activity. I know. Frank, you had Brooklyn Dodgers tickets. Yeah, I dodged them. I'm here for the torture. Doesn't your kid have a baseball game right now? Yeah, he does. He does.

But I'd like to see somebody do something else with a bat if you know what i mean i brought a bat i brought a bat in case he wants to use a bat where'd you get a bat here's my son's bat so you sent your son to a baseball game without a baseball like yeah i wanted to see if this guy wanted to use it to knock this guy's teeth out what's wrong with that frank i'm gonna be honest This is why your family is falling apart, bro. You don't know anything about my family, all right? My kids love torture, too. I think it's torture not seeing their dad every night.

You know what I mean? I think that's the real torture. Get home, man. I got this. And then I just open the door back up like, get him, David. Damn. Rip his face off. That's the real torture.'re like hey is this where i

drop off my oh oh oh sorry just going to the barber oh my i thought this was coat check i'm sorry i'm drunk i'm drunk no okay sorry whoa whoa honey i'm oh oh oh no i thought this was 2b fuck me i'm sorry guys be well so yeah closing the door guy closing the door guy sean time for your fourth pick all right i just thought of this one too this is fun uh so in a romantic comedy okay and somebody gets in the taxi and they have to be where they're going very soon yeah and then they just uh they give the taxi driver their whole backstory without giving the directions first they're just like i don't know we met and you know she's about to get on a plane and we can't have it the plane takes off in 10 minutes and i know it's like an hour away but i need you to get there and i don't have

any money i lost my wallet and then i just lean back and i go is she worth it and they say yeah and then we peel out and then it cuts to them at the airport oh the knowing cab driver yeah i like can i tell you something yeah i didn't think you were right for the part at all until is she worth it and then i'm like fuck yeah you could absolutely do that you're like a different kind of cab driver yeah where i'm just like is she worth it yeah and then like well yeah obviously i just spent like 20 minutes telling you how worth it she is and then i just floor it and we get there in eight minutes. It's like a world record. Like if you turned around and said like, you want me to take the tunnel of the bridge?

Like that's not you, but like, is she worth it? And then yes. And that's all you need to hear. That's a hundred percent. That's you. That's Sean all the way, dude. I want to be the, uh, is she worth it? Or are they worth it?

You know, is he worth it? I could be, I'm driving anyone. Anyone who needs to get to their lover. It's just the end of the movie. Are they worth it? Or are they worth it? You know, is he worth it? I could be, I'm driving anyone. Anyone who needs to get to their lover. It's just the end of the movie. Are they worth it? Yeah. And then I, I don't know what it is, but they just feels like I'm being a prick. So I feel like I need to gender it somehow.

But yeah, just is, is your partner worth it? Are they worth it? And I just, I keep wanting more takes like, no, no, hold on. All right. Is it worth it for you to get to them? I don't know. All right. Yeah.

Well, stick it. Is the person you love worth it? You just, you're also, they're also like, God, this guy is here for a day. Is it worth it for you to get to them? I don't know. All right. Yeah, we'll stick it. Is the person you love worth it? You're also, they're also like, God, this guy is here for a day. Based on prior experience, forecasting forward, do you feel like this is a worthwhile use of both of our time? Has there been any mention of a prenup? No? All right.

All right. I just want to make sure the trust is there. no all right all right i mean i just want to make sure the trust is there okay yeah i want to be the uh the the encouraging taxi driver who wants to get you there i love it it's a it's a hot drink that'll get you there thank you sir david time for your fourth and final picks as it is as it is we're cooking look at this my hell yeah this is so fun my fourth pick also a rom-com so i am the friend of the main character so for this one we'll say the dudes and the eventual love interest walks in and i'm the first guy who sees her i'm like whoa look at that babe and then the other guy turns and then the music starts because he sees her but i'm the one who saw her first what we need to explore in a romantic comedy it'd be fun to write is the fork

in the road and how they differ so much because you end up like outside the wedding shit-faced crying because you saw her first i've always been like damn that sucks for that other person about that guy yeah yeah like they eventually like every now and again you just check back with his friend and he's like yeah it's going really great with this new girl and then this guy just is spiraling out like this guy's just like yeah it went great with all the new drugs i tried the night you met her too so i was cool yeah no remember we were going out because i had broken up? No, tight. Tight, tight, tight. No, no, no. I'm glad you found the love of your life when you were trying to console me.

No, I'm doing good. When Harry Met Sally gives those characters some play, Carrie Fisher and... Yeah. It's Harry Met Sally, right? And I forget the dude's name, but it's Carrie Fisher. They end up falling in love, right? Yeah. They get a little action in it.

Yeah. I just think I could be good at that i think i think i would do that really well whoa whoa all right like i'm the one who's like like he's playing pool and i'm like jake check it out now which which way do you go with it are you the guy who's like i'm gonna go over and talk to her or or are you just or do you are you fully neutered from the beginning? I think that I try to do it, and Jake's like, no way. I got this. You know what I mean? Like, full-on side character shit.

It's like, I don't care about your feelings. I'm going to get love. I'm Chris Pine. Get the fuck out of the way. Yeah. You knew this movie wasn't about you I'm Matthew McConaughey you're Bokeen Woodbine

that's how it goes come on nobody wants to see this movie for Freddie Prinze the third Freddie Prinze Jr now I don't know I'm just yelling now but you get you get the character through freddie prince under the bus yeah man yeah man that's sick uh that's great the first

guy was caesar and your final pick okay my hmm okay okay i think that to close it out, I want to be. Okay. So, you know, when it's like, this is like, this is like a high school movie. I'm thinking. And there's like the good guy team and then the bad guy team or whatever. But then the bad guy, the head of the bad guys, he does something that goes too far. You know what I mean? Like, he like, he like cuts the brakes on the cars yeah some shit and i

find out i'm the first guy to tell the bad guy he's gone too far i'm like hey jake this isn't cool anymore yeah you know what i mean does that make sense yeah oh yeah absolutely absolutely yeah like yeah man you're the guy in karate kit johnny he's had enough man hey i'll decide when he's had enough yeah that's me that's me johnny he's had enough man hey i'll decide when he's had enough yeah that's me that's me johnny he's had enough i don't know jake they're just trying to come on the ski trip yeah yeah well they said no beating off you see what i did it was a whole joke i did right there i didn't get i'm sorry i'm not gonna do that i gotta be honest it's a come thing i'm sorry i said no beating off on the ski trip man like

some some jokes you make and then you got like some jokes you make and they hit right away and some stuff you leave along the trail for us to find as we grow yeah i mean you know what is the deal with an everything bagel i don't know oh god same price as the other ones i can tell you that i had one yesterday exact same price they shouldn't be exactly got everything on it you need an everything t-shirt or a white tee they're different prices you know yeah man but i want to be the bad guy with the heart or like even maybe the first guy to defect yeah you know what i mean yeah it's just like hey man this isn't cool anymore i'm out maybe he even says some stuff that the bully did to him.

Like, you know, like, you made me quit Taekwondo class so we could buy leather jackets together. Yeah. That kind of, I don't know. You're the first cowboy to throw the sash on the ground, you know? You're like, I'm done. Yeah. No more. Yeah.

Not after last night. Yeah. I'm not a Titan anymore or whatever. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Because they have like their school gang yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly you guys go oh you guys get it black eagles what you had a real school gang there was yeah i think it was more of a city but yeah it was the black eagles wait what like a neighborhood you mean like a city neighborhood game i think there were multiple

black eagles scattered through the city because it wasn't a giant, you know what I mean? It's not a huge city, so it's not like one neighborhood was where the black eagles were. I think it was like schools that had black eagles at them, but Edison had, dude, like six or something, and they were bucker than any of us. I'll tell you that. They were scary. The only high school gangs I like are the kind of dance fight. I'm going to be honest.

Oh, wait. So your high school had gangs in it, is what you're saying? This is more of a middle school thing. Oh so your high school had gangs in it is what you're saying this is more of a middle school thing oh your middle school had gangs in it yeah i don't think they made it a couple of them made it into high school and then they made it into prison those guys did no that kind of sounds like typical at-risk youth behavior that you would think would maybe come up in certain types of neighborhoods. I don't know what kind. I mean, if you had to describe sort of an ethnic group or skin color. It is mostly white people in Sioux Falls.

Sioux Falls, yeah. I think that's one of the few things I know about Sioux Falls. But they do have a gang problem in their middle schools. It almost seems like you might describe might describe it maybe i mean perhaps a white ghetto a white you really slowly ripped the dick off on that one oh i've been learning some things from clive call me clive davis jr because i'm gonna cookbook dude he's got a big thick cookbook i had to rip a dick off big thick cookbook i had to rip

a dick off that you've gone too far guys sean your final pick dude for my final pick i'd like to choose a music music video as it was deemed okay earlier yeah we all know what it is if you watch if you watch the popular music video by dr dre called dre day uh there's a there's a scene in the in a party like a parking garage and a huge panoramic shot and in the middle of that panoramic shot you're gonna find one white dude leaning on a pillar with his hat on and my whole life from the second i saw that video i was like i should should be me not only could was like, I should, should be me. Not only could I be that man,

but that should be me. It's literally come up every time I've watched that video. I pause it. I freak out. Every single time. Depends on how into the cups we are, but sometimes I'll literally like, look at that fucking guy.

What is he doing there? It's after midnight. We're going to watch that scene three times. Yeah. And I'll try to figure it out. I'll write a narrative for the guy. Like what in the world is he doing there? You're always so curious about how he got there he doesn't look it doesn't look like a favor he's not like on the sidelines or anything i'm just like that dude is he a studio tech that

works for dr dre is that scott storch i think he's just from long beach man i do not know i think he's just a dude from long beach always i'm like yeah that's a bit that's a bit part i could play stand there yeah that dray video and just be stoked i'm sure he had cross colors on if we're ever talking about some shit that is true to form that yeah sean does that every time we watch that video every time as soon as he said music videos like yep i know i know exactly it blows my mind that guy is in there i never i've never understood it though even i was what was i 13 or something when that came out and even then i was like well hold on hold on hold on now why and then that was a question i just had to leave it at that because i'm like i guess i don't even know my question i really think it's just a dude from long beach man yeah i mean i don't

think it's even like mad complicated okay well yeah anyway anyway put the blinders on david go ahead dude go ahead watch i don't think it's your mind's eye bro watch plandemic and lose i don't think it's a deep story too i don't think it's crazy at all i think it's just like yeah that's white mike he grew up across the street from me oh what i'm sorry i can't hear you through your mask david all right whatever soy boy that's one that i'd never heard before there was some some video that i got caught watching on twitter and this guy's like whatever with your blue check mark soy boy have fun with your mask and i'm just like what in you are you in middle school this is a grown-up who never made it through middle school that's why i'm not fucking with the internet dog soy boy soy boy

thanks for letting me pick a music video i desperately wanted that after I found out we were doing this. That was the first thing that popped into my head. I even looked. I was like, the tweet doesn't say music video. Shit. Maybe they'll let me do it anyway. I'll buy that. I'll buy that.

That video is really more of a film if you want to get into the nitty gritty. It is, dude. It's got a whole through line and everything. It chronicles a situation. And that's what I've. It chronicles it. It chronicles it. I'm going to chronicle a situation and that's what i've it chronicles it i'm gonna take i'm gonna chronicle a situation right after this i think you are i would so for my final pick

i want to be it's in a it's in a football movie any level it could be uh well not maybe not pros but like definitely high school definitely college, definitely like a replacement style movie. I would be the one offensive lineman who maybe has a couple lines. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, it's always like the guy, if you look at what real offensive linemen... You're like a rectum coach.

Rectum coach, yeah. If you look at what real offensive linemen look like, they're all just like huge, strong men with long arms. You know what I mean? They're gnarly. They're really not. They're really not fat.

They're just gigantic. They're just gigantic people. They're in better shape than anyone I know. They're in amazing shape. And then they're also super, they're also super smart. They're offensive linemen are the smartest football players. Yeah.

What's the, the wonder lick. Is that what it is that they take? The Wonderlic. Yeah, they score the highest. It's like them and quarterbacks. You go to a football movie and they're all fucking dumb asses and they're like super fat. And I could like pull off both of those if I had to.

You know what I mean? I'm pulling off two of those on the couch right now. Two for two right now. Where are you just like? Finger in tube tubes. I could just see you like, they're like, we need to score. And you just look up from the huddle and you're like, I'll make a hole. Yeah, I'll make a hole.

Oh, yeah. Exactly, yeah. I'm doing that. I got it, coach. Yeah, they're like, pork chop, do you have this? I got it, coach. Pork chop, do you have this? I need you on this one.

Like three biscuits and breakfast, coach. I got it. Amen. Hey, Clive, you're following pork chop. on this one. Like three biscuits, a breakfast coach. I got it. Amen. You're following Porkchop. Clive, rip their dicks off. That's the origin story. And then Clive David smokes a cigar

and he says, and I've been ripping dicks ever since. Linemen get a bad rep. If you you watch like hard knocks and stuff with real linemen they're always the ones that are like yeah um i was really stressed so i went out to the lake and i just kind of thought about my dad for nine hours and uh he's my best friend i called him up and we talked and you know i cried a little bit i bought some gifts for my fellow linemen and and then i thought everything was going to be okay. And then you watch the quarterback and it's just him and his kid like,

you better fucking tackle your brother right now. And you're like, I think the roles are a little reversed. I think it's because there are certain positions in football where you have to like really be insanely driven and like everything to like get good at it. You know what I mean? I mean, center is crazy. Yeah.

To play a center is like, especially when you see those pulling centers or whatever. Oh, my God. It's just like, because you have to do 40 things. It's like, yeah, you just have to assess so many threats as a center. You have to be a smart guy. Where are the DBs at? Are they blitzing? Where are they blitzing?

Is this my, like, and then it's just so hard. When it comes, I pick them up. If not, I got to get this guy to my right. at are they blitzing where are they blitzing is this my like and then it's just like so hard comes i pick them up if not i gotta get this guy to my right like there's so many like things to and i'm snapping the ball or i gotta block this guy and then release downfield yeah and block it's just like it's like you have to know as much of what's going on as the quarterback does it's it's fucking insane yeah and you just like also some of those dudes like if you're a tackle you're just like a six foot seven dude who happened to be gigantic and so you might have other interests you might also love classical piano if you're a linebacker you had to like only really want to do football brian erlacher is made out of pigskin that man is made out of pigskin that man

had to want to do football so fucking bad. I can't imagine him reading a book. Brian Urlacher. I actually don't know anything about Brian Urlacher. Why'd you eat all that spaghetti so fast? Because the quarterback was at the bottom of the bowl. I had to get there. I had to kill it.

When I fucking worked with the LA Rams rams orlando pace was there dude and it was like orlando pace tory holt and steven jackson they were actually all really really cool like guys but orlando pace was just like had like a very calming energy around him like just like standing next to him you're just like i just feel better i mean like because it's because he's known so much violence yes every single play they're the only ones yeah in real life i've wanted to see this tell me if any of them had it uh linemen a lot of times have a brand from their fraternity on their arm or just something it's like a raised burned in you know what i mean you've never seen that like those those like burned in uh fraternity brands this is a very specific i don't yes you fucking have

you i've seen football players with like i've seen brands but i don't know if it's just linemen maybe it's just because they're still like it's always it's never the quarterback or the free safety or anything it's always like the bigger dudes there's definitely free safeties with it and probably some quarterbacks regardless did you get to see one of those in real life i've never actually seen one and they look so gnarly when you see them like i played in a game or something i'm just yeah man nobody had my team even had tattoos me neither we had like one dude who had a tattoo and he sucked yeah they let him on the team because he had a tattoo i could see that i could see that like one of those kids in middle school with a

beard and a car and you're like what are you doing yeah who's pregnant you're talking about those fraternity brands but like they're just i always maybe i'm i see them on like linemen and linebackers and stuff i just want to know what they look like in real life because they look gnarly like they hurt so bad i bet it does hurt but it hurts way different than a tattoo i don't know no i didn't see him dude all right and we're gonna dwell on this for a little longer too now i brought everything to a screeching halt that's what exactly what i want to do because i'm gonna go to beaverton and skate that is my final pick though football player offensive lineman sans sans bronze sans bronze and that wraps us up there were i mean we left a lot of fun stuff on the board That is my final pick, though. Football player, offensive lineman, Sands, Sons Bronze. Sons Bronze.

And that wraps us up. I mean, we left a lot of fun stuff on the board. I thought maybe. Recap. Oh, God, I got a recap. So, David, you went first. You took the cop that tells everybody where the guys are. Right now.

Right now. Right now. The uncle who gives weird advice at the wedding. The guy who wants to fight at first and every and the boss has to kind of calm him down yeah junkyard dog the first guy who sees her in a rom-com wow and then and and then the dude who's in the group of the bullies who lets the leader of the bullies know that maybe he's gone too far this is too much j Jake. Sean, you want second? You want to be the get him the body bag guy? What was the other one you said?

Get him a tea bag. Get him a tea bag. And then I just wrote down, I'm sorry for the second one. I forgot to write down the rest of it. It was for the doctor or the x-ray tech giving the doctor the bad lab results. That's right. I'm sorry. You're the guy who has to break the news to the doctor, actually.

You hand him a manila envelope. You're the random encouragement guy based on the happy gilmore uh what would you also oh you're not the guy who says i believe mr gilmore that's a different guy no that's a different guy that was up there though too but i was like who what am i better suited for i believe mr gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago shooter uh the cab driver who says are they worth it and then when you get an affirmative you step on it and then the one what the one white dude in a rap video specifically specifically jay day great day by dr by the musical artist dr gray there's this guy right here there it is if anybody knows that guy please reach out please reach out please we'd love to do an oral history

give me the backstory uh i went last and i took the big zookeeper holding a small animal next to a small zookeeper holding a big animal uh with my second pick i'm the lady you can't go in there to a lady who's definitely going in there old-timey banker with a middle part and a vest the mob guy who closes the door right before some shit goes down and then the offensive lineman who has one or two lines in a football movie a record coach now we fuck knocking his ass grass coach now we love some good stuff on the board one i thought was the guy in a medieval army who forgets to take his watch off i think i had the teen at the new high school

like and like the teens at the new high school and somebody spills his books and then the other kids like welcome to spring valley i think i like the guy arguing with someone at a deli counter in the background and i uh where they go into a grocery store for some reason is this a documentary we're talking about about somebody that you happen to be in the background in a uh where they go into a grocery store for some reason is this a documentary we're talking about about somebody that you happen to be in the background never sliced the pastrami thin enough for me oh i thought the big guy who gets beat up way too easily in a bar fight like you think he's gonna be scary and he's wearing a denim vest but then he catches it right on the chin oh yeah yeah yeah yeah tweety birds flying around yeah exactly i also had variations on my bank owner old- timey barber, old timey weightlifter.

I had, I had what few real ones. I was the guy that Joe Pesci looks at in Goodfellas and he goes, what the fuck are you looking at after they do the whole thing at the table? And he like throws a bottle at the other guy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've, yeah. Another one from Goodfellas is after he pistol whips that guy, and then he points the gun, Ray Liotta points the gun, and I go, don't shoot.

Just that other guy. Zbass, make it four Boilermakers. I'd be good at that. What's Zbass? Oh. In Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'd like to buy you guys a round.

He goes, make it four Boilermakers. I'd be like, yeah, I could say that. Hell yeah. And the guy in Can't Hardly Wait that just pops in four random scenes and steals gumball machines and stuff we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to everyone on the afe patreon mega shout out to super producer marissa we love you uh didn't even. Mega shout out to super producer Marissa. We love you. Didn't even go dark. Yeah, you stayed

on the whole time. Preparing for the live stream, baby. Yeah, live stream testing in the back. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. I love you a lot. Marissa, do you have any bit parts you'd want to be? No, I couldn't think of any. Well, we want to hear yours, so make sure you hit us up. Shout out to everyone pretending to be a draft expert on Twitter.

All fucking four or five of you. Shout out to you. There you go. Shout out to fucking Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Get him a tea bag.

That was a hate gum podcast.