All Fantasy Everything - Breakfast Food (w/ Adam Cayton-Holland, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: March 29, 2018

Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, y'all. The Good Vibes Gang is joined by comedian, author, homeowner and bird enthusiast Adam Cayton-Holland to draft the best breakfast foods. Does David get out of pocket immediately? You'll have to listen to find out. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is having a nice little Sunday. It's having a nice little Sunday. It piled into the Prius, swung through Highland Park, picked up a third member of the party, drove to a little Tokyo, got out of the car, went to a sneaker store, and looked at those sneakers as though they were all of the things on the planet. Each sneaker representing a different thing.

What is that, a LeBron 11? Well, that's pop culture. No, we need to get a little more specific. What is that, a LeBron 11? That's television. Oh, a Jordan 3? That's songs from the 80s. Oh, an Adidas bounce with a boost sole sort of situation?

That's delicious desserts that you could eat. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm very confused. It's falling apart. No, it's great. I was just going to let it go. I'm trying to get the magic back, and it's not happening. That was great.

I'm trying to relate it too closely to what happened today. I want it in. If you look at that wall of shoes, it's nowhere things from the world said, we could fantasy draft some of that. Ah, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True story. I had a lot of weed last night.

Hell yeah. I had the amount of weed last night that kind of carries over to the next day. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. It's legal here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Fully legal. Good, because otherwise I was about to fucking leave. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. It's legal here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Fully legal. Good, because otherwise I was about to fucking leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. We run this past the DA's office before we put it out every time anyway

just to make sure everything's clean. Yeah, yeah. Just like to be good boys, you know? No reason not to. Just good boys. It's the podcast

that watches Billions. That's the podcast that it really is. Axelrod, dude. We were talking about Billions. Everyone's talking about Billions. Yeah, I gotta see this. I haven't seen it either, man.

I'm trying to get in. It comes back tonight. It's like Entourage with money. It's better than Entourage. They were already rich. I know. This is even richer. Axelrod's a billionaire. You just keep saying that to me.

Bobby Axe. I've never seen the show you could just yell Axelrod at me. Tell me you're not interested. That should be the slug line on the billboard. Axelrod is a billionaire.

I'm doing it. I gotta figure out what this means. Who the fuck is this Axe guy? I thought he had more money than me. We found out he has like 10 billion dollars.

I feel like you're spoiling me. Are you spoiling me? No, no, no, no. You're talking about Obama's campaign manager David Axelrod. David Axelrod. 10 billion dollars. Wow, good're talking about Obama's campaign manager, David Axelrod. David Axelrod. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

$10 billion. Wow. Good for him. His illegitimate cousin, Bobby Axelrod. Dude, the Axe got it. We're gathered here today in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. Oh, it's beautiful. Just outside of Skid Row.

Oh, just barely. We just drove by. The Arts District. In the Arts District, we're calling it now. A land of, especially on a sunday a land of 10 000 photo shoots it's happening all the time so many photo shoots around why do people need that many fucking pictures of themselves they just want pictures in front of exposed brick and i don't understand why i feel like headshots people think is gonna fix things and it's never

gonna like that was never the solution to any question. It was like, you need to get more headshots and then X will happen. I say that as a comic who just took recent new headshots. It's a Hail Mary by a comic book. These are going to change. I got to get new headshots. I remember I got business cards once upon a time. Oh, man, I did too, man. Now the come up is real.

Yeah, oh, man. Going to flip one of these bad boys right into the, I don't know whose hands, Russell Simmons? I don't know who I thought was gonna get my car. This is the first ingredient in the cake that's gonna change the world. Did you have a joke on your business card? No, but I did put, you could pick a graphic

and I put a picture of a, like a 1980s Lamborghini. Nice. Graphic, just right in the corner there. Just like looking at it like, that's what I want. When you think of Lambo, you think of Ian Carmel. Mine said writer, actor, and then comic. Yeah. I think mine did too.

Writer first, actor second, comic third. Mine had producer instead of actor. I couldn't even tell you. Because you made a movie. Yeah. Huh? You made a movie. Well, yeah, I made a movie.

I'm saying. You've got to pay for that Lambo. We got my first headshot on our fridge. It's got my name on it. It's one of those ones where you're like, I need some fucking writing on this headshot. Dude, when you go to those comedy clubs and you see all the old headshots, it's the fucking best.

It's the best. And half of them are like, okay, disgraced from sexual assault. Disgraced from sexual assault. Clown. Yeah. Dead. Now blue collar.

Oh, man. It really, Harvey's those headshots they had up in there? You just see a bunch of those headshots and you're like, that's not what you look like anymore. No. That is not even close. Oh, man. I wonder where they are, though, whenever you see those headshots.

Yeah. Where are those dudes? Some of them you know, you still know, and you're like, that's what you used to look like? Augie Smith? Damn. I like to think they got out of the game, but now they're happy. Augie's the shit.

That's what you want to think. Well, Augie's the shit. Yeah. They moved down to Florida. Right. Because it was and now they're happy. Oh, Augie's the shit. That's what you want to think. Oh, Augie's the shit. Yeah. They moved down to Florida because it was better for their angina. Got into real estate. Yeah. Made a little money.

They got a boat. Out in Boca Raton. Yeah. Just living. They're on the rat mouth. The what? The rat mouth. I don't know what that is.

That's what Boca Raton is. Boca Raton, rat's mouth. Okay, all right. Yeah. Keep up haircut. Yeah. Sean Jordan. Got my first LA haircut yesterday.

Got his first haircut in Los Angeles. It looks great. It does. It does look great. Did you put a little product in that thing? No. Did you touch it? Fresh out the shower today, dude.

Oh, shit. It looks fantastic. We took it to Rudy's here, and yeah. The lady was so mean to me. Really? Yeah, it was a bummer. But she did a good job, so it doesn't matter. It looks good.

Why was she so mean to you? Because I didn't know what I was doing. I always do when I get a haircut i'm just like you haven't been getting haircuts for 36 years no i've been uh i haven't got a haircut in los angeles get up there and play jazz no i'm taking out pictures i'm like make it look like this yeah yeah i just kind of let them do whatever and you know whatever and but yeah this lady was not i go let's take the clippers to the back kind of fade it up and she goes what's your uh clipper number or whatever and i go i i don't know just kind of like it up. And she goes, what's your clipper number or whatever? And I go, I don't know, just kind of like fade it out. And she goes, yeah, no, I heard you.

And I was like, damn. Oh, wow. Cold-blooded. I hate that. Yeah. What am I supposed to carry around in my head, the exact clipper number? I got numbers up here. I'm basically billions.

You know what I mean? Sure. And that being said, I think you're probably like a two and a half. I'm like a two. Bobby Axelrod keeps everything in his head. Everything in his head. So I can't. I'm not quite an Axelrod. I'm more of a Rhodes. David, so pissed. I'm like a two to half. Bobby Axelrod keeps everything in his head. Everything in his head. So I can't. I'm not quite an Axelrod.

I'm more of a Rhodes. David, so pissed. I'm not pissed. I just want to watch this show. If anybody wants to freaking tweet me a Showtime password, freaking tweet me a freaking Showtime password. We'll have Zach get on figuring out how to do that. Yeah.

Hook me up with some Showtime. The Sean Jordan. Dan Soder should give it to you. Oh, yeah. Soder should give it to you. Oh, yeah, Soder should give it to you. Oh, what's up, Soder? Soder fucking live for it. He's from Colorado.

He's from Aurora. He's Aurora, Colorado boy. Yeah, he went to Smoky Hill. Now he's got them billions. Yeah. Yeah, he's got billions constantly. We did it, Aurora. That's a lot of Johnny Blaze hoodies.

Sean Jordan in the studio today. Playboy. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. You got it. Sean, how are you? I'm doing fantastic. I'm in mesh shorts today. Playboy. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. You got it. Sean, how are you? I'm doing fantastic. I'm in mesh shorts.

Mesh shorts. Got my summer kicks on. Yes. I don't know if you heard, but I got a haircut recently. You have like 75% of a great look on. And then you just have your one pair of mesh shorts. Like the top is really nice. The shoes are beautiful.

Your hair looks amazing. Great glasses. Yeah. That million dollar smile that's always there. It was either these are like actual shorts and it wasn't actual shorts kind of day. I get it. Yeah. You put a pair of pants on, you could be at one of many of these photo shoots.

You really could. You could walk right in. I might even be taking the photo if I had some pants on. You're like, let me get a couple cuts. You know? It's a bad occasion. Can I get in here? Excuse me.

Pardon me. Pardon me. I'll be in. I'll be in. I'll be in. I'll shoot you my email, and you can send over the proofs, and I'll have a look over them. Industry terms. Yeah. Industry.

Big dog and boss hogging. We're not industry. We're industry. Damn. My body temperature just went down a little bit. That was cold. I could use it. It's a little warm in here.

What do you got coming up? Anything coming up? No, nothing. I don't think so? Anything coming up? No, nothing. No. I don't think so. Anything coming up like the vomit on 6th Street? Oh, man. Yeah, I threw up.

Oh, yeah, we haven't got to talk about that with you. We didn't talk about South by Southwest. South by at all. We didn't talk about it in the last episode. I puked almost immediately after we got off the plane. It was hilarious. It was so funny. Were you drinking on the plane?

You just. I was. Yeah, but nothing. Nothing crazy. What do you have like two glasses of wine? I'm. I consider myself. I can hold down the vomit pretty well.

Yeah. And it wasn't. It wasn't like an alcohol thing. Obviously it was, but it wasn't like, man, I'm so. There's so much in there. I think it was just warm airplane wine. I get it. You were excited to be there.

You were drunk on camaraderie. It was nerves. It was nerves. Austin, baby. That's Southern charm. Yeah. It were excited to be there. You were drunk on camaraderie in 6th Street. It was nerves. Austin, baby. That's Southern Charm. Yeah, it came flying up, man. It was so funny. It was a situation.

I was walking right behind him. And then I tried to act like it didn't happen. I was like, maybe nobody saw it. David goes, damn. Now everybody saw it. That's great. It didn't even equate that it was from you at first. Yeah. Because you were walking fine.

And then I tried to get out of there, tried to flee the scene, and then these two girls almost stepped in it. That didn't go over that well. I even was like, I'm so sorry. And they're like, oh, gross. This is like 20 minutes in because we landed, basically ran to the cab. Straight to the party.

Straight to the party. So, yeah, we had been in Austin less than an hour that's embarrassing it's not a good opening I didn't like it splashed up I caught a little shrapnel from it on the back

of the leg a little fleck of berry back there or something yeah it was it wasn't my finest hour just some southwest

red wine all over the hot concrete nice then we went to the shout out to True TV for the digs, right? And the free drinks and everything. Yeah. A brisket bar and a bar bar.

Yeah. And a ice cream bar, dude. It was sick. Filled up on that. And then the live show was amazing. Thank you to everyone who came out to the live show. Yeah, that was nuts. That was fucking tight.

I was not expecting. I was so scared that it was going to- It was like packed out and people brought signs and everything. It was so- Oh, man. They were fun. You guys were fun. It was so scared that it was going to... It was like packed out and people brought signs and everything. It was so... Oh, man. They were fun. You guys were fun. It was tight.

Austin rules. Yeah. Yeah. Boston rules. Boston rules, dude. Boston rules? What are Boston rules? Austin rules.

Boston doesn't rule. Or Malloy would have stayed. Yeah, it was super fun. Do we just not have any details from it? It was a blurry night. Sean couldn't get drunk then. Yeah, it was super fun. Do we just not have any details from it? It was a blurry night. Sean couldn't get drunk that night. Yeah, I was fine the whole next day. I didn't really...

I heard in other podcasts you had a show after the live podcast. Yeah, we had another show. You got shitty at the live podcast. Yeah. Kind of. How did that other show go? The other show went well. It went great.

We were right in that pocket. Yeah, I think we both killed that other show. Our friend Miel was standing next to me in the back watching. She goes, how the hell are they going to do stand-up? I go, they're going to nail it. And she was like, holy crap, they fucking really? Couldn't even tell? And you couldn't. It was awesome.

The lesson is, you should always get chickened out for stand-up. I do during a lot of it. There's a level I can get to that is a very shaky level. I would never want to do it for a taping it. There's a level I can get to that is a very shaky level. I would never want to do it for a taping, but there's a level I can get to where the amount of drinks always fluctuates. Yeah. But I'm better than when I'm sober. Well, it's like the whole ship is rattling.

Yeah. And then you've just got your one eye closed. Yeah, and you're like, I'm going to get the shot. I'm going to get the shot. You're flying it sideways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Through a mountain arch. Yeah. You're flying it sideways through a mountain arch. Yeah.

You're just screaming, that's all you got? Yeah. You're Lieutenant Dan strapped to the top of the ship. Take me. But after the set is over, you realize you're a man with no legs on top of a ship. Yeah, sure. The metaphor continues. Yeah.

The storm subsides. Yeah, dude. But your legs don't come back. The metaphor continues. Yeah. The storm subsides. Yeah, dude. But your legs don't come back. The problem with that zone is not enough drinks, and then you're this weird, cloudy, like, shitty, and you're like a hot, burping alcohol. Oh, gross. Too many drinks, and you're slurring words.

Yeah. But there is that pocket. There is that sweet. Sometimes. Yeah. And when you get it, you guys can't see. I spaghetti kissed my fingers. Spaghetti kiss. Chef kiss.

Is that the term? I like it now, man. Spaghetti kiss. Spaghetti kiss. A spaghetti kiss. Spaghetti kiss. Spaghetti kiss. Yeah, I'm in.

I'm thinking of Lady and the Tramp, though. I'm thinking like two people. Oh. They're eating the same spaghetti. That's a spaghetti kiss, probably. That's a spaghetti kiss. I think you're right. This is like a chef boyardee like a smoochadone

I don't know if that's the whole smoochadone I don't know if that's the word for kiss in Italian somebody tweeted me smoochadone? sure it's your word in Italian I like it yeah I can make up my own language that's not offensive

I was just in Italy I went to Rome like two months ago how was that oh this is Adam Caden Hall It's your word in Italian. I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can make up my own language. That's not offensive. I was just in Italy. I went to Rome like two months ago. How was that? Oh, this is Adam Caden-Holland in the studio, by the way. I'm sure all the listeners know. Hey, everybody. Hi. At Caden-Holland on Twitter.

Thank you. At Caden-Holland on Instagram. Yep. Yep, there it is. Synchronicity. Back to the story. Across all platforms. Italy.

Dude, so Italy. My wife is a Catholic woman. She went to the mass with the Pope. You are a Wiccan. I had a whole day to myself. I was like, all right, I wife is a Catholic woman. She went to the mass with the Pope. You are a Wiccan. I had a whole day to myself. I was like, all right, I'm going to walk around Rome. They're like, I got a cappuccino. It was awesome.

I'm walking in front of the Roman Colosseum, literally like shit-eating grin, ear to ear, just like, wow, Rome, you're knocking me out. You're beautiful. I just fucking ate shit. I just fell so hard in front of these homeless guys begging. They had dogs. The dogs jumped back and I just fucked my elbow. I wound up chipping a piece of bone off my elbow. Damn!

You fell that hard? I didn't even follow my elbow. I caught myself with my hands going down to a push-up. And everyone's like, whoa! They did the Chef Boyardee kiss. Smooch it on! Smooch it on! Smooch it on! I got a bunch of those. And then I was like, I'm embarrassed.

I ran off. And then within 30 minutes, my elbow had completely swelled up. It was just the dumbest thing. So did you hit a crack in the sidewalk? I don't know, man.

I don't know. But it was one of those things like literally. Is it cobblestone? Yeah, it's not even. Drum slam. Roman Forum, old streets.

Come on. They don't make that. They fucking ruin that city, man. Yeah, right? That's why the sun set on that empire. Yeah, exactly. They can't even make a street. Step one.

Bunch of dimwits. It was so dumb. All the roads lead to Rome, but once it gets there, it's a fucking shit show. You get there and you're like, where's the road? I see a bunch of fucking rocks. Did you have any amazing meals while you were there? Dude, I loved every meal. There's a Roman dish, cacio e pepe.

What is that? Yeah. I started saying it for anything. a Roman dish, cacio e pepe. What is that? Yeah! I started saying it for anything, like any exclamation, cacio e pepe! Cacio e pepe! It's just like a simple pasta. Like every city has their pasta. Yeah, yeah.

Rome's pasta. And it's just like a buttery cream sauce. It's white and like pepper. Fuck. It's so damn good. Oh, man. It's so good. Over there in Italy,

the noodles are so good that you don't even really care what the sauce is. Can you imagine that? No. The noodles being good? That's not the spaghetti I came up on. The sauce was amazing. Shout out to St. Sear Carmel.

We were never like the noodles themselves. You kind of don't cook the noodles the way they make it, you know? There was nothing done to our noodles except ragu poured on them. Yeah. That was, yeah, done to our noodles except ragu poured on them. Yeah. That was, yeah, nothing else. Sweetest ragu. I'd like to get the plugs in up top. Okay.

You have an album that just came out. Yeah. Hell yeah. Adam Caton Holland performs his signature bit. I love the name of it. I love the design, the whole marketing. It's so funny. It came out a couple days ago

and it hit number one that day on iTunes. Oh, it hit number one? Hell yeah. Which is like, that was my goal. Bitch. I don't even care if it's just a screenshot for a day. I fucking want that. Whatever.

Do you have the number one comedy in the world, I'm going to say? For a day, I did. Yeah. Bump Gaffigan down the list, son. Get the fuck out of here, Gaffigan. Take a seat. Ow, cold pocket.

He's always number one on there. He's always in the top. And when I put my album, it was Gaffigan. And also, for some reason, when I put Little Dicky, it was on the top. Oh, yeah number one on that. When I put my album it was Gaffigan and also for some reason when I put Little Dicky I think people pay for that. It counts as comedy. People pay for that. As good as I felt

the number four track was like Hamilton the polka version. Oh my god. Knock them out of the comedy. That's good though. That's important. You're doing the lord's work. There's certain things that shouldn't get to qualify as comedy. There should that's good, though. That's important. You're doing the Lord's work. Yeah, that's tech, man. There's certain things that shouldn't get to qualify as comedy. There should be musical comedy, and that should be its own different category.

You think so? Just for my ego. Okay. Yeah, it's completely self-serving. It's also really hard to follow musical comedy. Yeah. Damn, dude. It's very tough.

It's always hard. Yeah. Garfunkel notes or something, you go up to them, and you're like, why do you want to see me? I don't have a guitar. I'm sorry. I got nothing. I'm just going to fucking stand here.

Sorry. Music alleviates the pressure on the audience so much because they don't have to actively laugh. Yep. And then when you flip back to that other way, you know, where they have to like be an active part of the show, hard on the audience. Hard on you.

They got to close the show. Yeah. They should close the show. It's always funny to watch musicians like in between song banter. Like when one's really good at it, it's show. Yeah. You should close the show, yeah. It's always funny to watch musicians like in between song banter. Like when one's really good at it, it's awesome. Yeah. But so many musicians are terrible

at their shit in between their songs. It's the worst. This next song's for my little boy. He has a gluten allergy. And the funny thing about that is he breaks out into rashes. That's not funny, James Taylor. Anyways, this song's called

Fuck You, Steven. Hey, James Taylor, play the fucking song, bro. It's not good enough, James Taylor. Next. Billy Connolly, the British comedian, started as a guy in bands, and then the in-between song banter was so good that he was like, maybe I'll just do comedy. Really?

Yeah, and then he became a legend. Man, that's cool. Who, Hutch, right? Didn't he? Yeah. From the Thermals? Yeah, Hutch. Oh, he lost stand-up.

Did he not do that anymore? I think he pushed the ticket. He got out the game. Yeah. Tweety is really funny. Jeff Tweety is? Yeah. Oh, he lost hand up. Did he not do that anymore? I think he, I think he, he got off the game. Tweety is really funny. Jeff Tweety is really funny. Oh, is Jeff Tweety really funny?

Between songs. He's the guy from Wilco, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I heard he like helped write on a season of Portlandia or something like that. Oh yeah, I think that's right. Sick. I love that dude. And like a while back he was taking comics out on the road, like opening for him. Yeah.

And they reached out to like me and Andrew Orvidal, my buddy. And they were like, all right, send us clips. And we're like, we both sent clips and they picked Andrew. Oh. And he's like, I don't even know who this guy is. I was like, fuck you. I want this so bad. Oh, God.

But they passed. The hard pass on me. Brother against brother. Yeah, man. And he went. He went. He did like three dates with him. Fuck. And he's like, they were. He downplayed it for my benefit. He's like, they weren't that good. I was like, you brother. Yeah, man. And he went. He went. He did like three dates with them. He downplayed it for my benefit.

He's like, they weren't that good. I was like, you can tell me, dude. He's like, it was the best. I have so many new fans. Fuck you. The Decembrists have this offshoot band called Black Prairie. And in Portland, they used to do the standing gig at some bar. And they would play for like half an hour, and then

they'd send somebody up, and then they like play for another half hour and they had me do it a couple of times and it was the worst. Oh really? Oh no. I think opening for a band would be amazing, but going up after the band, cause like as soon as they were done, they're like, we'll be back in 15 minutes. Here's Ian Carmel. Right.

And then like the loudest conversations you've ever heard. Yeah. It was like doing standup in a jet engine. It was fucking unfortunate. Cause it's all those conversations that were building up while they were playing you've ever heard. Yeah. It was like doing stand up in a jet engine. It was fucking unfortunate. Because it's all those conversations that were building up while they were playing. The whole time. Yeah. Anyway, like I was telling you before the show.

So I'm looking at this house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, try to yell over it.

Speaking of houses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. I'm listening so hard. I'm listening so show me they were listening so hard that they had veins in their neck. Like, we're listening. Bless their hearts.

Bless their hearts. They didn't need to do it. Shout out to Portland. I'll be back soon. I'll be back this weekend, Portland. Yeah, you will. You doing any shows? I probably will.

That I'm not allowed to talk. I just don't talk. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess I can now that we sell out the theaters. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But yeah, look for me in the areas where people do stand-up in Portland between Friday and Tuesday. Just hover around known comedy areas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Smart. I'll tweet about it, so keep an eye out. David Borey in the studio today. Oh, anything else to plug? Sorry, this comes out this Thursday. Download that album. That'd be awesome. Yeah, get that album. For real, Adam is an amazing No, man, that's it. Download that album. That'd be awesome. Yeah, get that album.

For real, Adam is in an amazing stand-up community. It's upsetting sometimes when I watch you. I get so pissed about it because it's so good. He's fucking fantastic. So really go ahead

and get that album. You're going to love it. If you don't, come find us at a live show and I'll give you $4. I won't. It's not all your money back, but it's some.

But some. I'll give you a couple bucks too. But you're not going to want it. You'll probably come and just give us more4. It's not all your money back, but it's some. But some. I'll give you a couple bucks too. But you're not going to want it. You'll probably come and just give us more money. I'm not going to get bullied into this giving you money thing. David's out. But I will look you deep in the eyes. I had that just real quick. We were in, I was in Sioux Falls doing a show

and somebody walked up to me and they gave me cash and they go here's some cash. Buy Ian and David a drink. And they couldn't even get into the show that I was doing. I don't feel like I've been bought a drink. And they go, they gave me cash, and they go, here's some cash. Buy Ian and David a drink. And they couldn't even get into the show that I was doing. I don't feel like I've been bought a drink. And they gave me $25, and I go, I can't just take money, man. And he just leaves it on the table. He's like, someone's taking it.

And then he just left. And you spilled all that crazy red wine. And then, yeah, just a bunch of Southwest wine. Is that what you spent our cash on? No, I bought you guys a drink. I swear I did. I'm sure you did. It might have been after a few.

I've had people after shows, like if you're selling merch or something, they just come and give you money. They're like, I don't need it. It's like old men. They'll be like, here's $40, son. I'm out there begging for change or something. I'll always take it.

I'm like, thanks. Yeah, even now. But it's just odd. They'll hand you cash. You're like, we really enjoyed that. Yeah. Okay. Cool, I enjoyed the cash. You paid like 50, 80 bucks tonight, but that's fine.

Hey, man. That guy gave me 100 bucks once. I got 100 bucks once, too. He was eating spaghetti with a white lady and I was like, we did it! And then he gave me 100 bucks. He was a black dude? Yeah.

Shout out to, what was that room? The Right Spot in San Francisco. Oh, my God. I was there. Check my receipts. Oh, that was tight. I believe you, man. Yeah, that was pretty cool.

The spaghetti detail sold me. Yeah, that's a pretty specific story. There was any doubt in the first place. That guy was cool, man. The GS Island is in the studio. Hey. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Yes, sir.

David Boy. Hey. How are you doing, man? I'm doing good, man. I just, yeah, I was on the road a lot the last few weeks. And then I was only home for like three, four days in like three weeks. Yeah, you were gone. Yeah, I was gone.

How was the rest of South by? Did anything fun happen? Everything was... Wait, didn't you see Bone? What? Didn't you see Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? I saw Horatio Sams. I thought you said you were going to go to...

He's in Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Yeah, he's Harmony. Check the Crossroads video. He's in there. He's Uncle Charles. He's Uncle Charles. He plays Uncle Charles. That's good.

Didn't you say you were going to go to the rodeo and see Bone or something? No, I was going to go to the rodeo to see Bone or something? Oh, no. I was going to go to the rodeo to see... Damn. Ludacris. Okay. All right. But I ended up having a show. I did a bunch of shows.

I did Douglas movies. Oh, nice. Leonard Maltin. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just hung out and stuff. Oh, what's Leonard Maltin like?

How's he smell? Yeah. What's he smell like? Like a wood. He's awesome. Yeah. Like a teak? Like a teak or a sandalwood? Like a heavier smell? Yeah, what's he smell like? Like a wood? He's awesome. Yeah, like a teak, like a teak or a sandalwood.

Like a heavier wood. Oh, a heavy wood. Not sandalwood. I mean, he's not a balsam, man. Like an old ship? Or like a really nice den? Yeah. Like a den.

Okay, like notes of leather. Dude, that rules. Tobacco. Persian carpet. Yeah. He was nice, though. He was a real sweet guy. He's awesome.

A very comfy, expensive chair. Yeah, yeah. Like comfortable, though. Mm-hmm. From the old country. carpet yeah he was nice though he's a real sweet guy he's awesome expensive chair yeah yeah like comfortable though from the old country uh anyways yeah no he was sweet uh yeah his daughter was very nice they do a podcast together and then what else did i do then i went to grand rapids michigan did a couple shows there like 10 shows two days there that's crazy had a great time and then went to vegas for my friend's birthday. Sure. Did that. Did that.

And then here we are. You know? And I'm home. I don't have any. I'm going to be in, on April 21st, I'm going to be in Phoenix. Other than that, I got no road stuff on the. Yeah. Yeah, we're all kind of.

Just a bunch of homebodies for the next couple months. I'm so scared. Ian Carmel in the studio. Listen, all fans of everything. What else do I got? I'm going to be at Moontower Comedy Festival in April. True story. Doing stand-up. And we're going to be doing a live AFV,

though you two won't be there, but we've got some amazing guests lined up. They are. It's Michael Jordan. It's Michael Jeffrey Jordan. Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan. It's both Michael Jordan. Whoa, that's a huge hit.

And then a third Michael Jordan, who's not famous, on to talk about how this makes him feel. Uh-huh. Yep. I can't believe Michael B. Jordan just kept his name. And he's crushing it. What would you do? He's crushing it, too. Fucking bold move.

Putting everybody wrong. What do you do? What would you change it to? Well, they used to, in Hollywood, change your name if it just sounded too Jewish or whatever. And Michael B. Jordan was just like nah. Nope. I'm also Michael Jordan. That's fucking amazing. That's proof of the change that we want to see in the world. Oh I know it's

progress. It's just like the nuts. The nuts to do like no no no. I bet you Michael Jordan hates it. I bet he does. Oh you know he does. I bet you Michael Jordan fucking hates that shit. I bet Michael Jordan is on the phone with Ryan Coogler like what's it it going to take to get me in Black Panther 2? I bet most millennials know Michael Jordan from that crying meme.

Yeah. More than they even know him. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's fucked up. It's fucked up, but I bet you 19-year-old kids like, who's Michael Jordan again? Because there's no way, if you weren't alive to see him play you can't get it no like because it's like even when I watch like older athletes I understand that Walter Payton is whatever but I didn't see him right I saw Barry Sanders I saw Emmett Smith

you know what I'm saying so it's like so they probably don't understand dude I remember it was all about like Larry Bird and Magic Johnson I was old enough to remember that and then like Michael Jordan just came up and just totally changed the conversation. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He really did. And now he's a sobbing meme. What a fucking way the internet will take anyone's chain.

It's undefeated. It really is undefeated. The internet is undefeated. They'll walk up and they will snatch it from you. It's fucked up. Nobody ever beat the internet, man. The only other thing I have, we have a shout-out here. Somebody sent in a shout-out.

They used back routes, back channels to get a special shout-out on the show. So, happy birthday, Liz. Oh. Liz McCoskey from Sam at Boom Scats. S-K-A-T-Z. So, yeah, fuck yeah.

Shout-out to you, Liz. Happy birthday. I think it's her birthday today. Not when we're recording, but when she's hearing our voices. Hell yeah. So happy birthday from the past. Drink a caribou lube on me. What's in a caribou lube?

151 rum, pineapple juice, Malibu. Yeah, that's it. Get them all numb? No, Malibu 1, 151, and pineapple juice. Yeah, that's it. Get them all numb. No, Malibu 1, 151, it's pineapple juice. Yeah, that's what it is. It's a old Tech N9ne. It's a song about yak abuse. Tech N9ne song from back in the day.

Yeah, it's a Tech N9ne song. I don't know why it came to mind. Drink one. They're dope. I've had a couple specifically because of that song. It's noon. No, it's not. Get this birthday started.

Yeah, I have to see the kids later. What a bad father I'd be. We were going to a Tech... What are we... What? We were going to a Tech Nines show one time, and our friend didn't have 20 bucks to go. And so we caught a wasp and shook it up in a cup,

and we're like, you gotta let this wasp sting you, and then we'll buy your ticket. And we just watched this wasp sting him like eight times. Damn! That's some Tech Nines commitment. you and then we'll buy your ticket. And we just watched this wasp sting him like eight times. That's some Tech N9ne commitment. That is exactly what I thought was going on in the parking lot of a Tech N9ne show. That's what happened.

They're over there stinging each other with beads. It was fucking... Even I was like, damn, this is gnarly. We should just buy your ticket. I bet that's happened without any tickets. I was just like, you know what gives you really fucked up? Have you ever yellow jacket tripped? I want to get

a, this is one of the more embarrassing things about me, to get a Kid Rock CD when I was in middle school. Adam just shaking his head. To get a Kid Rock CD is how this sentence starts and it only gets more embarrassing. My older brother, who like nine years older than me, had scratch, had a job.

He was like, I'll buy you the kid rock city. I'll drive you to go get it. You can get it. But you have to eat a stick of butter, eat a whole tomato, and I hate tomatoes, and he hates tomatoes, so there was an understanding there. And drink a cup of vinegar. And I was like, say no more. Ate the butter, it was fine. Ate the tomato, it sucked. Drank the cup of vinegar

and it like scorched my throat. I sounded like an old jazz musician. My name is Kid. Rob, thank you for buying me this Kid Rock CD. Hopefully someday my vocal cords will recover from the apple cider vinegar I had to drink. But I got it, and I wore that CD out.

And then you listened to Ball With Tabab after that. It came up when I was at the gym the other day. Every day, by the way. Every day. This was the other day. The other day? Ball With Tabab came on the headphones while I was lifting, and I was like, I pulled my phone out to skip it, and I was like, all right.

All right. Yeah. I'm going to not let that play out. Yeah. A little blast from the past. Why not? It's got the right energy. You can put it under the nostalgia hype.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's just, it's angry, you know? It reminded me of lifting weights for football. My wife just went to see Hamilton. It's in Denver. Yeah. She went downtown and went to a restaurant before the show.

Do you think this is the first time Kid Rock has ever reminded someone of Hamilton? That's what I'm saying. Okay, sorry. Go ahead. She goes into the restaurant and it's like slammed. And my wife asked the hostess, she's like, oh, is everybody going to Hamilton? She's like, no, Kid Rock's at the Pepsi Center. It's just like, what a different experience.

Half of Denver's going to Hamilton, the rest is going to Kid Rock. He would sell out Denver, what a different experience. Half of Denver's going to Hamilton, the rest is going to Kidron. He would sell out Denver, though. That restaurant was out of Coors Light. They had to send an emergency shipment

from Golden, dude. Open the factory. There's like a big spigot. Get Coors out of bed. There's an emergency. Coors has just like a Coors Light beer can phone by the way.

I should have seen this coming. There's an emergency. Pete Coors has just like a Coors Light beer can phone by the way. Yeah. I should have seen this coming. They blast the Coors symbol into the air like the bat signal. Except for all the racism and like Trump hats, I bet a Kid Rock concert, if you could go in a vacuum, would be fun. Oh, man. I bet you because if he's not, they're not good songs, so I bet he's like a master showman. I'm sure he is. Except for that picture song.

That's beautiful. Yeah, that is beautiful. I mean, ICP, I did pay my own money to go to an ICP show. Still one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. It was great. Yeah? It was fun. You keep it real, man. These points that are hard to keep behind.

Again, Adam's just shaking his head. It's just going down a road I didn't think it'd go down. You know you mean it because no one would lie about that. Nope. It was fucking rad. All right. What was your favorite song? Great Malenko, dude.

Always was. There you go. It still knocks. Put it on, man. It's got a good beat. All right, I don't need to stick up for ICP anymore. Hold on. Let's play it.

And let the audience decide. Marissa, play the Great Malenko beat. We are gathered here to draft breakfast foods. Oh, shit. I can't believe it's taken us this long to get here This is a fucking ripe topic It should have been the first thing we ever did Because of the way you start your day It is, it would make perfect sense Wait, we can draft push-ups?

Push-ups, reading the Quran Hard jerking it Sword play in the mirror uh huh yeah monologue in the front yard sword play of sorts we have a

we have a full length we have a full length we're in the living room and every morning Sean's out there in Adidas track pants no shoes no shirt

with a sword and uh you're not allowed to say anything like a capoeira instructor if he's doing it we all just we're like keep quiet

uh huh keep very quiet I gotta work out my demons somehow yeah you know and that's how I do it yeah and then I have you hit me with the sword a couple times but like the broad broad side of it If he's doing it, we all just were like, keep quiet. Keep very quiet. I got to work out my demon somehow. And that's how I do it. And then I have you hit me with the sword a couple times.

But like the broad side of it. Slapping me with it. I'm happy to do it. Sting neighborhood kid with wasps after that. Joey, get over here. No, it's a tech nine. It's wasp time. Tech nine was kind of ahead of the curve on hair, though. Yeah, that bright ass red hair.

Yeah, those bright red hair and everything. Shout out to tech nine. Father of the mumble hair, though. Yeah, we got that bright-ass red hair. Yeah, those bright red hair and everything. Shout out to Tech N9ne, father of the mumblecore rap movement. Inadvertently. We're drafting breakfast to determine the order

of that draft. We play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Yep. Play between the three of you and we go on a shoot. It goes rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David Boyle wins. I was going to say. The percentages. Always fucking winning. I was going to say before, I was like, I got a hot hand, and then I was like, don't say it, David.

If anybody's putting something off and they want a project. Yeah. Although I bet the guy who did the AFV recaps of every episode, this is probably on there. If we could find out what David's winning percentage is at rock, paper, scissors, I would be... It's annoying is what it is. I knew you would have gone rock. That's what they say

and then I hit him with that paper. And that's the real curveball. Yeah, that's... It comes from anywhere. My friend Rat only threw scissors and we all knew that and we still lost to him like half the time in games of skate. We're like, Rat only throws scissors. We'd still lose sometimes because we're like, maybe this is the one

time he doesn't throw scissors. I respect his dedication. He went in knowing. He's dedicated. I love that part. Good old rock. Nothing beats rock. All my cards are on the table. Yeah, it's just an astonishing percentage. So David,

it's up to you to determine the order of the draft. I will remind you before you pick. Okay. It is a serpentine draft. And what, pray tell, does that mean? That's a great question. Let's say that you just got your brand new beach cruiser back from somebody, and you're just riding down the street,

and you're kind of just going back and forth, back and forth. Maybe it's squeaking a little bit. Maybe it's not. Sort of like that. Just kind of sliding down the street, back and forth on your beach cruiser, having yourself a goddamn Sunday. That's a lot like what a serpentine draft is. Going from one side of the street to the other.

Uh-huh. Right. Basically, what that means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Okay. In case you weren't there. Second draft. So, with that in mind, David, what will the order of today's draft be?

I have to go first. David Borey has to go first. Then I'm saying I'm going to go first. I'm going to say Sean. Then I'm going to say Kate and Hall. I'm going to close it out with you. This is where I want to be.

This is exactly where I want to be. It's hard to say that that doesn't get in my head a little bit. This is what I want. You go ahead and pick first. I want you to hit me. You go ahead and pick first. I'm hanging in the back, making sure there's no seconds.

All right. You're Elway. He's Marino. It's the 83 draft. That's right. Okay, okay. Oh, wait. I'm Marino?

Yeah. Shit. All right. All right. So first. With the first pick. Obviously. Obviously. Okay. It has. So first. With the first pick. Obviously. Obviously.

Okay. It has to be eggs. Eggs? What kind of? So just bare eggs. Wait, wait, wait. Just general, just eggs generally? I will say this does not take egg-based other things off the table, but it does take eggs

in any format off the table. It is. So like eggs as a standalone entree. Yeah. It's just, it's a, what breakfast do you make without eggs? What is your favorite kind of eggs? Mine personally? Yeah. Dude, I rock an old school.

I like the eggs hash brown sausage. But you're like a sunny side up egg guy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You need that yolk run. Mix it in with the hash browns. I can't explain it, but at some point I decided that I was a scrambled egg guy. And I've written that horse ever since. To make, is why, I think.

Sometimes I'll go scrambled with the cheddar cheese. Yeah, very good. Sometimes you whip a little fucking milk in there. You gotta really whip it. You gotta really whip it. I feel like the listeners can tell how hard I'm whipping. You really gotta whip it in there. It's not just the cream. You gotta get the air in there

and that really fluffs it the fuck up. I would tell you to put your shirt back on, but you ripped it off before you did that. It got sucked in a whisk. I whisked it off. Can't really put it back on now. It got mixed in.

You ever throw a little sour cream in there? Oh, yeah. A little sour cream? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some Denver shit. That gets real fast. I mean, but I... Just for eggs,

it's all egg-based. Yeah. You can't make all these other things that we're going to talk about egg-based. It is the cornerstone of breakfast. And again, the egg-based thing's still on the table, but the egg itself... I'm just saying overarching eggs. Everything from poached to hard-boiled to over-easy to sunny-side up. You can't draft every egg dish. You're distracting the concept of egg.

That is bold. That is a bold pick, actually. You didn't text me and say, you didn't text me and say, breakfast, specific dishes. What am I going to say? Wheat? Next?

Yeah, exactly. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. You didn't text me breakfast dishes. You texted me breakfast foods. I have to secure my interest. Eggs are where my interest is.

David's looking out for David. Would you be comfortable with this being a Sunnyside egg pick? Oh, it doesn't look like it? No. No. I'm not. Because I think eggs is a first round pick. I don't think Sunnyside is.

Okay. I think scrambled would be a first round pick. It's such a fun thing. I mean, you were interested in law for a while, right? Your father's an attorney. Yeah, yeah. This is a complex legal question. Yeah, sure. Why not? Isn't it a thing you considered

in college? I worked in my dad's office. Yeah, so this is a complex legal question. Did you work doing law at your dad's office? I was like a paralegal. I'd do it like summers. I'd help him with shit. I wasn't licensed, but I was like, yeah, go do this.

Go do that. But your mind is as fun as you pick some stuff up. You're going to love Billions when you start watching it. You're going to love Billions. The point is. Is this like picking quarterbacks, or is this like picking an option quarterback who can run it and pass it? That's the question right now. Is this Michael Vick, or is this taking all quarterbacks?

Either way, I'm picking a person. See what I'm saying? It's about the man. No, but you taking the concept of a position has made eggs. Yeah, to me that's like, for my quarterback, I draft quarterback. Yeah. So then we can all just do a different type of eggs.

Maybe. Haven't really talked shit about Shane recently, but that seems like something. Oh, shit! Is the sampler black? Don't you fucking do this to me!

David, I did it. I just did it. Don't you fucking do this to me! David, I just did it, man. I'll take you outside right now. I don't give a shit.

Can't take the words back. If you've got anything to lose, it's Sunday. Can't take the words back. It's Sunday. I don't have a gig until Friday. I don't give a fuck.

You want to know the only thing more terrifying than somebody with all the resources in the world? What? Somebody with nothing to lose. No, no, no. Somebody with nothing to lose. So are you saying I have to take back eggs?

I can take back eggs? No, no, no. No, no, no. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know exactly. It's a lot of different dishes. Don't put this on me.

Well, you're always the executioner. Jesus Christ. We don't get that choice. I gotta do these ad reads and then I gotta decide. If we're doing specific dishes then I gotta change

my whole shit up. See, for me, it's like, I feel like you're just like, I wake up every morning and I have an egg. It's like, no, that's not descriptive enough.

What kind of eggs do you have? Yeah, I think it has to be a little more descriptive. What if I said I wake up and I have two eggs? Would you care then? Yeah. Is it a number?

It's a brain drafting and debating. What if I said I have cereal every morning? You'd be like, tell me what type of breakfast. I would not say that. That is a bit broad. It is a little bit like saying cereal. Alright. Alright. But then do I have to say the whole breakfast that I like?

Well, no. I mean, but it's gotta be if it's eggs, it's gotta be a specific preparation of said egg. I agree. So Sunnyside, for example. If I say poached, somebody else can't take eggs beany. I think if he says poached, then like hollandaise is off the table, right?

Really? Well, because that's a poached egg, right? This is controversial. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't worked out. I love it, dude. I'm caping for the wild, wild west. It's commerce. Let me do what I do. Let the market dictate. That's what I say.

It's whatever. I think it has to include a specific preparation of said egg. Okay. So, okay. So we're going to take the eggs pick off the board. I agree. So eggs is gone. It's a rare misstep.

Eggs is an overarching, there's so many egg dishes. It's one of the main tenets of breakfast. That's why I picked it. That's why it was the best first pick of the time. It was a great first pick with that criteria. It was a great first pick with that criteria. Okay, okay. A little more detailed.

All right. A little more granular. This fucks my whole shit up. It's not even Sunday anymore, dude. What do you have, fucking salt on there? I have a lot of things. I have a lot of things. I have a lot of things.

I have the cacao plant. I have a lot of things. There are certain things that seem fundamental that can be picked on their own. I want to say sausage and eggs. A good old-fashioned American breakfast? Do we want to call that? I get just sausage and eggs. I want the toast and the hash browns.

I don't think so. Those are like four different things. See, then you should be like, I want a Grand Slam. Those are like four different things. See, but see, then you should be like, I want like a Grand Slam. Those are like four different things. I don't want the pancakes. But they serve sausage and eggs everywhere. It's not my fault

that when you get sausage, it says sausage and eggs, but also up top says, all breakfasts include hash browns and toast. Right. But those, I think, are individual things that can be picked separately.

Oh my God. So I can pick, I can't pick eggs, but I could pick toast and just all toast would be gone? Yeah, because come on, toast? You guys are wild. I just am looking for consistency. Well, no, then you can't just pick toast. Okay.

But you can pick just hash browns. Yeah. No, I agree with you. You could be like, okay, I pick just hash browns. Yeah. No, I agree with you. You could be like, okay, I like sourdough toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that's my favorite breakfast. Because can I say my favorite breakfast then?

Am I allowed to pick that? But if it's multiple items. Yeah. They're all going to be multiple. That's the thing. Not necessarily. The majority of them are going to be multiple item. Menu picks.

There's no... How many breakfasts do you get that it's just the one thing? I'm going to name one. Well, yeah, but pick the thing off that plate, right? I'm going to name one in no less than a minute, I bet. I bet it's going to take longer. I bet it's going to be more than a minute. It might be more than a minute. Start your watches at home.

So can I say waffles? Yes. Yeah. Great. Absolutely. Just waffles. Nobody else. Yeah. Great. Just waffles. Because there's nobody else. Yeah.

Yes. And nobody else can take waffles. But what if I want fruit and he wants with syrup? It doesn't matter? It's fucked. It doesn't matter. You get all the waffles.

Yeah. All right, waffles. Waffles. Waffles. Waffles. First pick. Was that a panic pick or did you have that on the list?

No, it's on the list, but it was, I had a lot of other moves I was going to make. The last all fantasy ever. I came in here. I got under Boris' skin. No, it's cool.

I know where we're at now. We never spoke again. I just got to move some stuff around. All right, waffles. Waffles, number one pick. I fucking love waffles. Yeah, fantastic. I feel like they're, I love the little compartments.

They're great at holding syrup and butter. Yeah, that was... I mean, tell me that wasn't the move when you were a kid, just filling everything up with syrup. The Eggos commercial, they said a little in each square. Yep. I feel like that was such a neglectful parent, though. Just like, here, microwave this.

Yeah. I can toss this. I got to add those so many times. This is breakfast. Yeah, here you go. You can do this. Here's a sugar patty. You ever eat them frozen? Yeah, yeah, put some more sugar on them. No. Yeah, here you go. You can do this. Here's a sugar patty. You ever eat them frozen?

Yeah, yeah. Put some more sugar on them. No. Yeah, you can eat them frozen. What? Like an Eggo? I did not know that. No, man.

I mean, yeah, I guess. It's pre-cooked. Yeah, that seems like it would suck. Do you remember a little bit of time they had the Eggo waffles? What is that? Is there something? They had jam inside it. Yeah, I do.

It was crazy. It was crazy. It was not good. There's this place in Portland, Waffle Window. Oh my God, it's dope, dude. All these different kinds, like any kind you could want.

It's just a walk-up, like a window, you just order a waffle with fucking anything on it. It's so dank. Oh man. Savory waffles. I like it.

I like a savory, dude. You know what's good? You make like the thinner waffles, and you get a little piece of cheese. Ooh, yeah. Look at you. Have you been to, there's this place called, is it Sweet Chick? I don't know.

Or something like that here. It was in New York, and now there's one in LA. It's Nas's Waffle Place. I've heard of this. I've heard of this. It's so good. I've heard in the trades. Yeah.

In the waffle trades. In the breakfast trades. That's why you thought you could just take eggs is because you're in the commodity game i don't look at a product i look at a material yeah bottom line it hard resources bobby axelrod you see a chair i see a tree yeah what is your preferred waffle uh get up uh i if i'm going okay so i got a couple ways. If I'm going Belgian, then I just like straight up syrup and butter. Syrup and butter. But my mom makes these weird, like they're thinner waffles.

Like they're not as thick as Belgian. And we used to just separate them all. And then like one you would do a piece of jam. And then one you might do a piece of cheese. And then one you might do like marmalade. Or one you might do like a piece of bacon and then a piece of jam. And you just eat them like square by square by square. Like little waffle tapas.

Yeah, yeah, like waffle tapas. Tapas waffles. Waffle tapas. Waffle tapas. Top of the waffle to you. My name is Waffle Tapas. Waffle Tapas. And now the molly's kicking in the real thing.

I don't know why that voice felt like it worked so much. Waffle Tapas. You nailed it on the first take, dude. He's like a cartoon. I don't know what he is. What is he, like a rabbit? He's rabbiting or something, dude. That was insane.

Hell yeah. Waffle Topper. We've got a fave Waffle Topper from the Grumlax. You just sprout up in the middle of the night from your bed and say that. Yeah, it was in my notes already. I thought it last night. Next time you take a lover

and she's asleep in your bed, I want you to like dart up and yell out, wobble-top them! Wobble-top them! And then go right back to bed. And see if she brings it up in the morning. David, last night you shot up right and yelled waffle tapas?

No, I did not. That's what they all say, baby. You still gotta leave. Oh, man. Waffles. Excellent first pick. Yes. Excellent first pick. Yes, great first pick. Yeah, can go sweet, can go savory.

Versatile player. Yeah, versatile. Sean Jordan, it is time for your first pick. I'm going to go biscuits and gravy. Oh. Always, always. That's so good. Always.

That couldn't have been two picks. Hmm? No. No, I'm never ordering gravy. It's a dish. It's a dish. It's like what you would say to the waitress. Yeah, biscuits and gravy. Biscuits tag me in. I'm going to juice you up and he's going to sop it down. I don't know if that sounds like wrestling.

Yeah, but we're doing it. And I'm watching either way. Yeah, our tag team move is the sop and munch. The sop and munch. Mike Malloy would finally get me to one of those fucking wrestling matches if that was the case. Like, dude, biscuits and gravy are wrestling. I'm like, fine, I'll go to Long Beach with you, I guess. I love it.

It's also sounds like a thing like an old cowboy would yell out if somebody stole his horse. Biscuits and gravy! I got one voice. It's the American Cacio Pepe. Cacio Pepe! Cacio Pepe!

Biscuits and gravy! No, biscuits and gravy! They don't meet up with Roxanne. Is Roxanne the horse? Yeah. Yeah, when you come out in the morning on the farm and all the horses are gone. Oh, biscuits and gravy. We're going to die on this homestead.

Oh, man. What's the spot? Where have you had your favorite biscuits? I feel like Sioux Falls has a joint. Fry and Pan. Oh, yeah. It's like a Midwest. I don't know if it's Midwestern, but Fry and pan is like where I'd first, we'd all go there

hammered at like four in the morning. And that's where I'm like, biscuits and gravy is what I like. Oh, it's a Chayeen. Huh? It's a Chayeen. I think. I don't know. I don't know how big it is, but there's like six in Sioux Falls.

Pinestate biscuits in the Portland, Oregon area. Dog. They're so good. They are so good. That's a great pick, but it's so heavy, dude. It is heavy. Yeah. Like there's a lot of criteria.

It's like if you're hungover, it's like, fuck yeah, give me biscuits and gravy, and I'm doing nothing the rest of the day. But it's like every morning, if you're eating biscuits and gravy, you're a sluggish individual. You better go see what TBS has on that day. Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. If I'm eating biscuits and gravy, Shawshank will be on TBS that day. I'm going to watch this in the preferred commercial four-hour version.

And then you're going to watch the first half of it again. Biscuits and gravy, also one of the few things that taste just as good when I make it at home. I've never made my own. Whenever you make it at home, if you make it at home, it's pretty easy to make, and it's like always good. It's always good at home. The sampler platter will make a mess of biscuits

every now and then from scratch, right? Does he put gravy on them? I'm sure he's done it. And his hair will look like he just did that. Yeah, he does always look like he just got done making gravy. I've said it before, but it's like Mel Gibson in The Patriot. I never want to be discovered. No one ever wants that!

I never want someone to come in and be like, did you just make biscuit with gravy? You just definitely did. You look like... He'll be here this week to defend his honor, so we can go in we can go in on this episode he might be in LA

when this episode drops oh that's so funny set your friend up with like a you know with Shane it's like what does he look like well

he looks like he just got done making gravy and a cross of Mel Gibson and the Patriot with his disheveled ponytail also what does he say

Native you know I look like a Native American meatloaf impersonator. Yeah. Which he does. Patriot is a sneaky good movie. It's still a movie.

That's another thing that might be on after a biscuits and gravy session. Oh, yeah. R.I.P. Neath, man. R.I.P. Yeah. Damn, is that shit on Netflix? I'm going to watch that tonight.

It still gets me when that little girl talks for the first time. I still, I start crying. I don't remember that part. She runs up. She hasn't talked for like years and and then she's like, Papa, don't go! And he's like doing this real stern, like,

I'll be back. I promise, Charlotte. And then he runs off with those two hatchets. I thought that whole movie took place in slow motion running. There's dialogue? He threw a bunch of hatchets. He's just singing Last of the Mohicans. I'm actually thinking of the Under the Bridge video by Red Hatch Willie Pappas. Last of the Mohicans. Oh, I'm actually thinking of the Under the Bridge video by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Last of the Mohicans 2 is what I call it. We found more Mohicans. More Mohicans. Actually, D-Day wasn't the last Mohican. Mo Mohicans. Dude, Mo Mohicans. That's another character. Mo Mohicans was a streetball legend, and he was gonna go to St. John's,

but they caught him with just the smallest amount of cocaine. Oh, Momo Higgins. You go to the Atlanta Improv every third Tuesday, and he's there headlining. Yeah, he goes to night. Grown folks night. Momo Higgins, man. Contemporary with Waffle Top.

They used to tour together. They used to tour together. And they co-headlined. It wasn't even an opener situation. No, it was a

full headlining set. Usually Momo Higgins talk about Waffle Top. That motherfucker's crazy. They had a falling out. They had a real falling out.

Oh, shit. Man, my face hurts, dude. They invested in the same emu farm. They all fell apart. What are these shoes? They're alpaca, actually. Momo Higg face hurts, dude. They invested in the same emu farm. They all fell apart. What are these shoes? They're alpaca, actually. Momo Higgins.

Momo Higgins with his alpaca shoes. We might see some Momo Higgins screen names. Sean Jordan, Biscuits and Gravy, great first pick. Oh, thanks, man. Shout out to Pine State. Adam, Kate, and Holland. Okay. Your first pick.

All right, I thought a lot about this. And while I may not, I have to go with what I like to eat the most. Absolutely. Not with what's like to eat the most Absolutely Not with what's the maybe even better pick I gotta go fucking bagel And cream cheese I guarantee that I know you're looking at that right now

I thought I was gonna be able to get that in maybe the second round Maybe the third round And I wonder if I can extend it Like a bagel sandwich You put like egg on there Yeah, I think we put all the bagel shit in there. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll go bagel and cream cheese.

I love getting an everything bagel. I really like just a garlic fucking bagel. What is your ideal? Oh, a garlic bagel's great. Garlic bagel's great. Yeah, because everything can get a little busy and it all gets lost in the sauce a little bit. But there's this place in Denver, Moe's Bagels, I go to and they'll have a breakfast. I'll get just a garlic bagel, like a scrambled egg patty thing on there. Yeah. Cheddar cheese. And then I say put a little i'll get just a garlic bagel like a scrambled egg like

patty thing on there yeah cheddar cheese and then i say put a little bit of cream cheese on that oh man you are making some serious and that's like yeah that's my favorite i'm a traditional i'm a bagel cream cheese lox red onion oh wow capers yeah yeah just a real just a real jew breakfast i'm a i'm a good jewish boy the lox. It's only every once in a while. You can't do the lox? Oh, I live for them. L-O-X, man. L-O-X.

I live with the rap group and the smoked fish. You'll do a white fish? I've eaten a white fish. I'll eat a white fish. Don't back me into a corner. I'll eat a white fish my way out of here. And then I'll throw something at you. Yeah, Nova Lox.

But yeah, dude. They're thick. Yeah, they get the job done yeah they get you there real quick it is jewish comfort food like i love that shit yeah definitely i feel in touch with my ancestry when i'm eating it makes me feel every time i would go back east to visit my grandmother whether it was in long island when she lived there or down in florida now every time we get there there's like there's a platter of bagels. It's just like a way of welcoming everyone and saying I love, and bialis, which are those even thinner ones.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's an American. I've been to Israel. I didn't see a bagel anywhere. Really? Yeah. See, they're fucking up over there. Is it an American thing?

I don't know. I have no idea. It's fried dough, right? I think it was Eastern. It's boiled dough. It's boiled dough. Really? I don't know what I thought it was,

but I didn't know that. They boil it. Now I know. In a kettle. Man. Kettle. Kettle. We were looking for kettle.

Kettle bag. There's this place in Sioux Falls, I was going to call it Bad Boy Bagels, Bagel Boy in Sioux Falls, and we get the 605, and it's a piece of Munster melted over garlic bagel. It's fucking great. Oh, over the top of it. It's so good, dude. You guys ever go to Humboldt? Lo's Bagels.

Lo's Bagels? It's all locally sourced shit. Oh. Yeah. I got the guac and lox. I, over the top of it. It's so good, dude. You guys ever go to Humboldt? Low Spagels. Low Spagels? It's all locally sourced shit. Oh. Yeah. I got the guac and lox. I got guac and lox. Guac and lox? Really?

That's how it's supposed to be. That was our, when we were in the WCW, that was our tag team. He's guac. What's crazy is I was guac, dude. He was lox. What if somebody told you that guac and lox was coming over? You're having like an apartment party you know what

I'd be more afraid if it was one guy named guac and lox guac and lox yeah unless if it was two dudes I'd be like

alright guac and lox cause you know there's a back end to that rhyme yeah he's like I'm guac and lox and I walk with guac

or it's like right it's not just guac and lox no there's a whole that's part of's a whole other piece to that puzzle. That's part of a modern day tall tale about guac and lox. Guac and lox, guacs with glocks. Guac and lox, guacs with glocks.

It's okay. Guac and lox, guac and lox, guacs with and guac and lox walks with glocks stayed cocks yeah stayed cocks yeah the glocks swings and rocks

yeah stalks oh guac and lox walks with glocks stalks the blocks shocks the docks I don't even hear

I don't I don't hear any words any words anymore guac and lox it just sounds like Charlie Brown's teaching walks with glocks stalks the blocks

like he's stalking them and shocks the docks. Which means he's down at the docks messing with the Russians. And those are gritty motherfuckers. If you're shocking the docks

you're coming correct. They see everything. They don't get shocked at all. No. But Guac and Locke shocks them. Biscuits and gravy he's not coming to my house.

Biscuits and gravy. Oh man. What is it? A riff machine? Bagel and cream cheese. Bagel and cream cheese. What is it? A riff machine? Bagel and cream cheese. Bagel and cream cheese. What, a C&C, Miami riff machine?

Uh-huh. Yeah, C&C Riff Factory? ACH Riff Factory? Riff Rock, dude. Riff Rock? Yeah, sure. Riff Ross. Riff Ross.

Riff City, baby. Yeah. Riff City. There it is. There it is. Bagel and cream cheese. Fantastic pick. Montreal, amazing bagels. Right, right. New York City. I don't know ifel and cream cheese. Fantastic pick. Montreal, amazing bagels.

Right, right. New York City. I don't know if anybody's had a bagel there. Hot tip. Try to get a bagel in New York. It's the water, right? Scorching hot tip. It's the water that does it.

That's what they always say. It's like pizza. It's the water. It's like the same water you won't let me drink out of the taps. I know. This is the water that we all cherish. You can't drink tap water in New York? You can, actually.

It's pretty good. It's just old pipes. Oh, really? The reservoir is good, but the pipes are old. So I was going to say that I've made some weird moves. I've never been somewhere where I didn't drink the tap water.

Mexico, Costa Rica, I'd be like, give me the fucking tap water. Did it ever come back to bite you in Mexico? Because it came back to bite me in Mexico. I'll never know.

I went in there with a chest full of American exceptionalism, took a big gulp of the water, and then blew that American exceptionalism right out of my ass for like three straight days.

You know what you can do? You can blow that American exceptionalism right out of your ass. And I did. I did. Everybody else was at the beach and I had diarrhea.

Diarrhea. That doesn't stop me from going to the beach. Diarrhea. That's just God's toilet. So, you know, I'm fine with it. You drink the ocean water too? Yeah.

Get it in there. Oh, I'm not classy. That's why I'm not above anyone. You drink the ocean water, too? Yeah. Get it in there. I'm not classy. I'm not above anyone. I'll just dip a keg cup in there and fucking drink some salt water. Yuck, yuck. It is time for my first and second pick. First and second pick. As it is.

I was so sure I was going to get bagel, but it was not to be. It was not to be. So with my first pick, I'm going to take the most crucial. It's not the thing I get all the time, but when I get it, I fucking need it. I need it. That's why I'm taking the breakfast burrito. Oh, that was on my list. Yes.

That was going to be next. It's just like, it's a first aid kitten tortilla when you've been drinking the night earlier. It is always great. I'll tell you, Denver has some of the best breakfast burritos I've ever had in my entire life. I don't know the name of the place, but my friend Adam and Frat take me there all the time. It's like 10 pounds. Maybe. It's like 10 pounds.

Is it on Colfax? I don't know. No deets. It's just so, so good. I wonder if it's at Jack and Grill. They got that giant one. Oh, man. That Rymel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's your favorite breakfast burrito? There was this place. God damn. What was it called? I don't remember the name of it in Portland. It might have been Olay Olay. Oh, they had a great one. had a great one was that the one across from the right by your old house yeah two blocks they had one it was either them or what was the one on or cha cha cha i think it was cha cha amazing because there was a cha cha cha on the psu campus and they had this

breakfast burrito with a chili relleno in it. Oh, man. That was like. That's insane. So fucking good. You would eat it. Now here in LA, Kofax. Yeah. On, what's that street with all the hype-y stores, like Supreme and everything? Fairfax. Fairfax. Yeah.

Kofax on Fairfax has a fucking super dope breakfast burrito. Erewhon in LA, which is like that deluxe grocery store, also has a really good breakfast burrito. But if I'm making it, I like, it's got to have a real sharp cheddar cheese. Yeah, yeah. Scrambled eggs. What about some chorizo? Yeah, maybe a little chorizo, maybe some bacon chopped up real fine.

Do you like potatoes in there? I don't like potatoes in there. Not even, like a hash brown? Let me conditionalize that. Okay. It's got to be a finely chopped potato and it's got to be more crispy than it is substantial. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. That's the issue. That's such a... You're right. No, he's right though. He's head on right. Yeah, it's got to be more crispy than it is substantial. That's what I'm saying. That's the issue. That's such a... You're right. No, he's right, though. He's dead on right. Yeah, it's just so descriptive. Because if you start putting those big, like, chopped up pieces of potato in there...

Then what am I eating? What am I eating? It's like building condos without parking. You know what I mean? It's just going to clog the streets up. I want you to go order a breakfast burrito and tell all this to the guy. All on the line. Just spit the bite out of it and lecture the chef.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Look how big this potato is, man. I could put dots on this and play a dice game with it. I'm not looking for that big, but I want small, finely chopped, crispy. I'm looking for a little bit of the fried taste and more crispy texture. That's what I want out of it.

You gotta have green chili. Maybe that's why you like Denver because green chili is the way to go. Yeah, it is the way to go. I like putting the Verde on top of each bite and then... How's that bite go again? It's such a good social bit. You can always tell if someone's cool if they'll repeat the embarrassing thing they just did. Not even embarrassing, but if it's like, you know, something like that.

If they won't do it, they're like, I don't want to do it again. Come on. Live a little. It's like, who did you vote for? That's a fun one. That's always my first question to anybody. Hi, I'm Sean. Who'd you vote for?

Remind me, who'd you vote for? That's good, dude. It's such a blank canvas. You can do anything. I just, I fucking love it. It just feels so good when you have it in your hand. Especially because it's in the morning, too. So it's just like, this is what I was looking for. and if you play a breakfast burrito right it that won't be the

end of your day like certain breakfast right and there's every size you can get a smaller breakfast burrito yeah right just kind of like all right that was moderate that used to be the hookup for mcdonald's back in the day when two for one yes yeah my dad we would go like fishing in the morning and we would swing through the mickey d's and i'd get those breakfast burritos, and they were little, but they almost felt like they'd been steamed. Yeah. Yeah, they did feel like they were steamed. I love those.

They still have a wet McDonald's. Yeah, like a wet. It sounds so gross, but yeah, a wet McDonald's breakfast burrito. Sonic also had good breakfast burritos. I've never eaten at a Sonic. Oh, we gotta get you there. All right. He didn't sound too pumped on it. Oh, we gotta get you there. All right. You didn't sound too pumped on it.

Oh, we gotta get you there. It's just, because I've had it so much because my high school was across the street from one. Sure. They got too much shit. Yeah, right?

There's way too much shit on the Sonic menu. It's tricky sometimes. Don't get distracted by the drinks. Yeah, that's, I am. I'm spending a lot of fucking dumb time

on the drinks. Yeah, they got way too many drinks. Yeah. You'll kill yourself trying to play jazz over there. Hey, all Fantasy Everything listeners. You know when you go to the cupboard and you open it up and you're going for the peanut butter and you open up the peanut butter and the peanut butter's almost all the way gone?

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I'm going to take, it's a bit reminiscent of the biscuits and gravy, but it's my preferred version of it. I'm going to take the chicken fried steak and gravy. Damn, man. That's another pick of mine. That's a good breakfast. I fucking love it. That is a breakfast food I've eaten more at night than I ever have during the day.

That is a shit-canned all-nighter. Yeah, yeah. In the diner at like four, they probably shouldn't have let you in, but thank God they did. Alright, fine. You tried to buy like a Bud Light. You guys are serving, right?

You totally tried to buy a Bud Light. International Waters and IHOP, you're serving, right? It's also like you know you're going to walk home after this. Yeah. Oh, dude, you walk it up. Oh, suck it up. You may have puked in their bathroom as soon as you got in there. But you're back and you're going to order.

God, speaking of which, last time I was in, oh, no, never mind. That was in, where the fuck was I? What? What are you going to say? Oh, I was in Toronto. I was in the one Toronto. Home of Super Producer Marissa. I thought I was in Denver for some reason.

That's how drunk and stoned I was. I ate an edible and then just. We went to this, it was me and a friend of the program, Phoebe Bottoms was opening for me. We went to this diner and I was like, you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I went downstairs and I puked so

hard. Hard, like a hard puke. Not, yeah! When you're screaming, you're like, what? Like that kind of You're tearing up. You're looking at stage like, help! Can you help at all?

And you go to the mirror and collect yourself. Your eyes are all burnt. You come back in, you're like, I just saw a dog get killed. That's why I look like this. I didn't do this to myself. I was making gravy in the alley. Only having mine to go. Making gravy.

But yeah, chicken fried steak is for those kind of nights. You just reminded me. One time I was like, got so shit game with my friend. We slept, but probably not enough, like five hours. We got up and like went to a breakfast. And we just gored all that type of shit. And then he's like, will you excuse me? And I watched him go outside and just projectile everything.

And then like a boss, he came back in and ordered a piece of pie. Whoa! I was like, hell yeah, dude. That was a three course meal. Homies for life.

Yeah, just had to go make some room, you know? Shout out to Ben Roy, guys. Man, Ben drinking was a fun time. We've had an opening in the school and we will now be accepting your pie.

Just got the email outside. We got room for it. You were on the waiting list. Yeah, it's too heavy for the morning, though. I don't know what kind of... I couldn't eat that right after I woke up. No. That's that kind of breakfast that was made for an earlier generation of men.

Yeah, because then they're going to go out and feel it. They went out and felled trees and changed the courses of rivers. It's not for stand-up comedians. That's the breakfast if you don't know if you're getting another meal. Right. This might be it for the day. Yeah, you might not eat until supper. Right, exactly.

Keep your powder dry. Yes, chicken, fries, steak. Adam, Kate, and Holland, it's time for your second pick. Oh, fuck. I didn't know that. Oh, by the way, shout out to Sherry's in Oregon for the chicken, fries, steak. Oh, Sherry's is delicious. Pie spot, dude.

Pie spot, dude. Chicken, fries, steak spot. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah is delicious. Pie spot, dude. Pie spot, dude. Chicken fried steak spot. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, all breakfast, but they do. They'll fuck you up with chicken fried steak. Now, let me ask you this before we move on to Adam's next pick.

Uh-huh. How long did you think that it was chicken? I knew it was going to come up at some point today. Because I thought it was chicken for a while. Well, we were on here. Probably until I was like 15 or so. I thought it was chicken until like six months ago on this podcast. Was that on air?

Oh, okay. So throwback. Yeah, when you said chicken fried steak was chicken. Yeah. Interesting. Why the fuck wouldn't I? They do have chicken fried chicken. They do have chicken fried chicken.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know why? I Googled it today. Just I was like, I need to. This thing, right? When this comes up, I need to ask. Yep.

Just make sure it's steak. It's fucking good. It's tender. That's how I want all my steak. Tenderized. Tenderized. Waffleopolis. What was his name? Waffleopolis. Waffleopolis is kind of dank.

Waffleopolis. That's where you live. Waffleopolis lives. He's from Waffleopolis. Waffleopia. Waffle-opolis, that's like a... That's where you live. Greg Waffle-opolis lives. He's from Waffle-opolis. Dateline Waffle-opolis. The breakfast wars have been raging for three millennia. Dateline Waffle-opolis. Exterior Waffle-opolis. Waffle-opolis.

Just as a house of... Kidnap breakfast. House of pies smoking a cigarette while the waitress is yelling at you to put it out. Exterior, Waffle Opal. Adam, Kate, and Holland, this will be your second pick. Okay, and I hope this doesn't piss you off, Bori, but Eggs Benedict, though. Oh, hell yeah.

I understand the game now. And I get it, I get it, I get it. That's a grit. I love the Bennys. It's so good. Eggs with benefits. I always it. That's a grit. I love the bennies. It's so good. Eggs with benefits. I always forget about it for a long time, too. Yeah.

So then when I come back to it, I'm like, oh. Anytime I order it, I'm like, surely that's not enough food. You know? That Honda is heavy, dude. But it's heavy. Yeah. They usually come on like English muffins. Yes.

What I don't like on it is like Canadian bacon. Never been a fan of Canadian bacon. Oh. Marissa, how do you feel about that? Marissa, are you okay? You don't like on it is Canadian bacon. I've never been a fan of Canadian bacon. Oh, Marissa, how do you feel about that? Marissa, are you okay? You don't like Canadian bacon either. You don't like it enough for all of us. It's like ham.

From the one Toronto. That's treason. I love every part of the pig except ham. A ham and cheese sandwich. So you don't do a ham steak? No, fuck that. Even a thinly sliced. Oh, really?

With a scallop of potatoes. I feel like that's what humans would taste like. I just don't want... I can't do ham. So I'll do... Wow. I don't like that stuff. So I'll do the eggs.

Gotta live your life. Eggs Benedict with no ham. No ham. Will you ever Florentine it up so there's some spinach? Absolutely. Florentine's real nice. And just cracking that poached egg and it spills out. That's what you want.

That is fun. And that hollandaise sauce. That's the only time I have hollandaise sauce. Yeah, dude. Isn't hollandaise made with egg, too? I think it is raw. Egg on egg. It's raw.

It's like egg and then like lemon. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, it's like. Happy hollandaise. Happy hollandaise. Happy hollandaise. We used to always do gigs in Breckenridge.

They booked us before we should have been being booked. And we'd go up there and just get fucking sloshed for like dumb snowboarder crowds. Oh, fun. And just party and perform with them. And then the next morning was always like, let's get some hollandaise, and then let's fart our way back down to Denver. Dumb snowboarder crowds.

I love that Sunday or whatever after you've been in the mountains all weekend, and just that drive down where you're just like, you never have to drive because you drove up, or whatever, and you're just out looking out the window, just full, maybe a little stoned. Yeah, it's great, dude.

Oh, it's such a good day. And those gigs when you're like, I'm not good enough to be getting booked. And they're like, they gave us a hotel room, dude. Yeah. Oh, God. We can party our brains out. They want us each to do 20 fucking minutes. That's crazy.

Yeah, dude. $150. It was so fun. I miss those days, man. It was so pure. Oh, it was the best. Yeah. When you're pumped about accommodations.

Unstepped on comedy joy. Yeah. Pumped about accommodations. What was the pay? The pay was I didn't have to drive back that night. We drank as much as we wanted. That was the pay. I mean, I still tell them.

Every time I walk into a room that's paid for, I'm just like, hell yeah, dude. To be honest, if I showed up somewhere and it was like a dope city and they were like, hey, we can't pay you, but you still get the hotel and your bar tab's on us, I'd be like, all right. Don't put that out. I'd be like, alright. Don't put that on this. And then I'd sue your ass. Smash cut to your agent like, what is going on?

For what? Waffle tapas? It fits anywhere. You got a little David At the end of that one Yeah That was rad It's egg yolks

Lemon juice Salt And cayenne pepper Oh shit Together in a microwave safe bowl So that's like a cleanse And then you slowly stream in Melted butter

So that's basically like cleanse Yeah you get a holiday cleanse I get a holiday cleanse Talk about talk about talk about I want a holidays cleanse Yeah How you doing David I've been drinking holidays

Well I've lost I've lost 60 pounds But my cholesterol Is through the roof I'm on a holidays claim. How you doing, David? I've been drinking holidays. Well, I've lost 60 pounds, but my cholesterol is through the roof. I'm peeing butter. Not the color, the liquid. These are the comedians of Waffletopolis. These are the kind of jokes they do. The original kings of Waffletopolis? That's great.

Bennies are great, yeah. And I like them on an English muffin. That's my. Bennies are great, yeah. And I like them on an English muffin. That's my preferred base. Yeah, absolutely. Some places will try to get fancy. Don't get fancy. No, no. You can do a crab Benedict.

Ooh, yeah. They do all sorts of stuff like that. It's good. Oh, yeah. Crab? I like a crab and a breakfast. Crab in the morning is good. Like a crab cake Benedict.

Yeah. I like any seafood in the morning. It's like light. You know what I mean? Yep. I hate seafood, so I got nothing to say. I hate it so much. I'm like, all right, all right.

I can see. I wonder if you'll ever like it. Well, I don't want to say never. I doubt it. What about a sizzler after this? 36. You're not going to like it if you don't like it. Yeah, I don't.

There's no way he has this great second act with seafood. Where he's just like, scallops. Hey, seared up some scallops. There's extras in the kitchen. God, that would be great. I would love to come home to that. And Zach's not doing it. Zach doesn't do much.

He's abusing drugs. Sean Jordan, it's time for your second pick. Second pick is going to be blueberry pancakes with blueberry syrup all over it. Oh. Double down on the blueberry. I love it. A little too much for me, but... Yeah, I don't know if I can get down with that.

It's like, I don't love sweet things. I love that. That's centric. Crip on Crip? You're allowed to do that? I am. I used to be a member. Okay, man.

Not only a client. You only eat blueberries. I gotta chill out on saying that, dude. What, that you were a Crip? Who's listening to this podcast who's gonna care, though? I just, if anyone ever does, I don't want... We're gonna run up on you? YG is listening to All Fantasy Everything?

Friend of the show, YG. I like that you assume that people think that you meant you were a real crip. I like picturing crips listening to podcasts. Yeah, YG's just like, yo, I was listening to this podbast and this guy. Sean Jordan. Just fucking talk about Waffle Topless a little bit. Yeah, man, I was in about Waffle Topless, then this dude is trying to run his mouth. That's fucking great.

Yeah, I'll go nuts on some blueberries, man. My friend Tori always used to get it when we'd be on like skate trips, And I was just like, you know, that is, that is, that is dank. I guess if you're about to skate for the rest of the day, yeah. Might as well have a bunch of like heavy carbs. I used to be extremely athletic. Yeah. So we could just do shit like that all the time. And just, it would, it would be gone by the end of the day.

You were going to kickflip it off by then. If we, if we got that for the table, I'd be in. But I think I'm pretty clear on the record as to I don't really fuck with pancakes as a main entree. Yeah, yeah. I will if there's, but that's another one where I'm like- It's just like eating cake. Not that waffles isn't, but for some reason waffle feels different to me.

Pancakes is too much. I like to sneak in a breakfast food that shouldn't be a breakfast. You ever been to Snooze in Denver? They have like a pineapple upside down pancake. Oh, that sounds great. It's real fucking good. You get like one of those for the table, Incomel style, and everybody's going back to that again and again. That is a main entree.

Those days are behind me. I might just get diabetes the second I've been into that. A stack of pancakes? People on Twitter wonder. Skinny people will joke about that. They're like, oh, if I eat this, I'll get diabetes. If I eat that, that might be it. There's a lot of straws on this camel's back.

That might be like... I don't want to... These last four pancakes... My body would be like, you're eating what? A pineapple upside-down cake fucking pancake? It's 10 in the morning, Ian. Fuck you, Ian. I fucking quit.

You're at altitude. You know that. Have fun with the weird socks you have to wear And then you're gonna door slam You gotta prepare at a base camp A pineapple upside down base camp Which is right outside Waffleopolis Pineapple upside down base camp

Holy buckets You can't summit this mountain just on day one This is a process, I told you that Blueberry pancakes with blueberry syrup. Yeah. Do you make pancakes? No. Laura does a lot.

Like when we're there, she'll make pancakes. Nice. Again, it doesn't help me being your roommate, but that's good. Do you not know how to make pancakes? Yeah, I know how, I guess. I feel like you, just everything I know about you, I think having pancakes up your sleeve would be a very Sean Jordan thing. Totally.

You should do that. I should. It's also like if you're a dad Jordan thing. Totally. You should do that. I should. It's also like if you're a dad, Sunday, you make pancakes, let mom take a break. That's a cool dad. You got to learn pancakes. That's your challenge for the spring. Okay. By summer, you need to-

What if you come home and I'm doing like Uncle Buck pancakes, dude, with like a big shovel? Holy shit. I love it. Wouldn't that be tight? Whatever it takes. You got to find your own speed. You know what I mean? All right.

Challenge accepted, my friend. Yeah. We know you got to play guitar. We know it's a rock play guitar we don't make the silver dollar pancakes no no not in my house i won't not in the lord's house i wouldn't i don't do much in the lord's house the lord wouldn't like uh people ask on twitter if you're really about pancakes for the table and just just so we're clear you are you got some in austin even yeah as recently as Austin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, every time I'm out for breakfast. It's such a tight move. I was back, when I was back in Portland, I was out at the Roxy. Roxy? Roxy.

Roxy. Boxing. With Nathaniel Friedman, otherwise known as Freed Arco, Bethlehem Scholes. Shouts, shouts, shouts. And Tiffany, Tiffany McGuire. Do you know her? No. She's a fun, she's a fun Portland comedian.

Slash producer type person. And we went to the Roxy, and I got fucking podcasts or podcasts. Pancakes for the Table. Podcasts for the Table. Podcasts for the Table. Podcasts for the Table. That's your option. That is.

Yeah. That's kind of what All Fantasy Everything is. Podcasts for the Table. Podcasts for the Table. But Pancakes for the Table at like 3 in the morning. Yeah. About that life. God, I bet those got ran up on.

Yeah. I'd be all grabby hands in there like, well, thanks for the pancakes for me. I think this fucking was a crib. You see, walked in. I'm going to run up on some pancakes. Blueberry pancakes with blueberry syrup. Excellent pick. David Boyd, it is time for your second and third picks, as it is a serpentine.

So second and third pick. Second pick, I have a question. Can I do a biscuit breakfast sandwich yeah yeah okay biscuit sandwich oh man it's always good yeah dude you know dude i love it i got my own little one of those today i got my own little one of those circular egg makers you know oh do you yeah i got one at the crib oh man so what do you do is that on the stove? Is that on a stove? What is that on a stove top? You just put it in the pan. Yeah, in the frying pan.

Yeah. You just grease it up. You put it on there. You crack the egg in there. You put it in there. Nice. You let it cook for a while. Then you pull it off and you flip it.

Yeah. Perfect. Work it, dip it, flip it, and ride that B-O-O-T-Y-O-M-I. You might have to get one of those for the domicile. Yeah. I'd love it. Once you start making your own breakfast sandwiches. What do you put in your breakfast sandwich?

I put a little bit of spinach. If I'm wiling some tomato, piece of cheese, thin piece of sausage, egg. That sounds so fucking good. It's so good. Are these biscuits popping fresh? What's the biscuit situation?

Popping fresh. What's the biscuit situation? Popping fresh, popping fresh. I make a bunch of them every once in a while. I love popping on a popping fresh, though. I like to do the flaky grands. Oh, yeah. Because they split real easy.

They do. Give you a nice, solid plate to build your sandwich on. You need that, because it sucks when the biscuits will Africa, South America. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Where a big chunk up here. And then like- 100%.

The pangea. When a pangea's all wrong. Yeah, I understand completely. Yeah. And then you're like, because then you're trying to fill in the gaps. Yeah, you're like, oh, shit. You know what I mean? Cut that, and then press. Yeah, I understand completely. Yeah. And then you're like, because then you're trying to like fill in the gaps. Yeah, you're like, oh shit. You know what I mean? You cut that and then like press and then, yeah.

I understand completely. That's a metaphor for colonialism, right? It is, yeah, absolutely. Is that not what we're talking about? That's what I heard. That's all I heard. Yeah. That's what this podcast is about.

Every episode has been about colonialism. Podcast for the table, dude. Do you put hot sauce on that shit? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's so good though. I like a Valentina. Oh. It's so good. I can yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's so good, though. I like a Valentina. Oh, yeah.

It's so good. I can't find small ones here, so I don't buy them, because they only have, like, the fucking gallon or whatever. You usually only find the huge ones. Get the beef, dude. You're going to go through it. It's huge, though. But sometimes from...

I'll go through it. I just say, what are you going to do? Yeah. I have never... Nobody on Earth goes through a hot sauce as fast as you, probably. See? Yeah. Yeah, all right.

I'll get some. But I also like to do a little crystals sometimes. Crystals is good. That's that Louisiana style. Oh, yeah. No, exactly. When did I see you put on your breakfast biscuits this morning? Or smelled?

Tapatio. Tapatio. That's what I thought. Every bite. It just goes on every bite. It's just. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.

I'm a Frank's. I'm a what I did before hot sauce. I'm a Frank's red hot sauce man. Oh, yeah. I understand. Yeah. I love Frank's. It's all what you need. It's all what you know. I'm on that green shit now. It Frank's red hot sauce man. Oh yeah. I understand. Yeah. I love Frank's. It's all what you need.

It's all what you know. I'm on that green shit now. It's like a green Cholula. Really? I love that stuff. That stuff at Chipotle, the green Tabasco at Chipotle. That's my preferred delivery method. I don't get the red on like a burrito.

Yeah. Every bite with a little green. Yeah. I like a green that's less spicy. Okay. So like the Tabasco. I don't fuck with Tabasco that much. It's got such a bite. You know what Tabasco I do fuck with? It's that smoky Tabasco, I don't fuck with Tabasco that much. It's got such a bite.

I don't fuck with that smoky Tabasco. Oh, the Chipotle. That shit is crazy. Also at Chipotle, they got that shit. That'll light me up. Oh, I love it.

The best kind of punishment. We should go get some Chipotle after this. Yeah. Chipotle for breakfast. Draft it. Yeah. Pick it.

Then we have to go get it. So biscuit breakfast sandwich and now your third pick. Oh, and my third pick? Motherfucking French toast. Ooh. I don't get it often, but when I get it, oh, man, that cinnamon, a little bit of vanilla extract in the dip.

It's so good. You can't do pancakes, but you do French toast. That's like way sweeter for me. Yeah, yeah. I don't do that much. No, waffles and French toast. I don't do very much syrup on it. I'll usually do it with just the fruit or like whipped cream or something like that. Yeah, that is good. Yeah, I don't like it with. I don't do very much syrup on it. I'll usually do it with just the fruit or whipped cream or something like that.

Yeah, that is good. Yeah, I don't like it with the syrup. Because the texture grosses me out with the syrup, too. Like, powdered sugar and the whipped cream doesn't make it that soggy, but the syrup just bogs it down. Let me ask you this. Have you ever poured your way on down to the synagogue and had a French toast made with challah bread? No, but I've heard of this. Ooh.

I've heard rumors of the challah French toast. Ooh, it's good. It is perhaps the bread that lends itself the best to French toast. Really? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Because it's so flaky, right? Yeah. It just absorbs that batter.

Light, flaky. And then, yeah. And then it just puts a coat around it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's really good. A lot of people don't realize, actually, Hala Charul.

Yeah. Inspired that hit song. Hala, Hala. Much like Shine, he's considering joining the tribe. We, for a solid 45 minutes. I forget how Shine came up in the car, but David then went on a Shine deep dive, and you're probably one of the foremost Shine experts.

I know a lot about Shine. Look up Wikipedia the the rapper shine yeah with a y yeah uh it's the most interesting story you've ever heard it's amazing like why there's no shine biopic like i would rather at this point watch i would rather see a shine biopic yes really than the. Whoa. Okay. The Shine story is crazy. You got so serious. Really? It's crazy. Long story short, he's an Orthodox Jew now. What?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did not see that coming. That is actually long story short. It's a story that involves the president of Belize. The prime minister of Belize. The prime minister. The first black prime minister of Belize.

A nightclub shooting. Immigration services. ICE. ICE is in there. Puff Daddy's in there. Puff Daddy's in there. Puff Daddy's in there. Orthodox Judaism. Damn, dude.

Barrington Levy. Barrington Levy. It's the craziest story. It's the craziest. Just after. Oh, dude. I'm quite intrigued. Look up that Wikipedia on shine.

It's fucking wild. Dude, what a life. Getting a shine. Yeah, French toast is good as hell, though. Yeah, French toast is good as hell, though. Yeah, French toast is good as hell. I love going back to it. Yeah, French toast.

My stepdad growing up would like- Freedom toast, actually. Freedom toast. Thank you, David. Thank you. This is a freedom toast house. I know my Uncle Steve was on the podcast. Thank you. You guys remember the French toast sticks from Burger King?

Sure. Those are tight. Yeah, French toast sticks are always good. My stepdad, he would put cornflakes on it. He was a chef, French toasts are always good. My stepdad would put, he would like put cornflakes on it. Like he would batter, he was a chef and they were hella good. And like cornflakes were involved in the breading or whatever. Fucking spaghetti kiss. It's spaghetti kiss for sure.

Got your pepe, it's good. Got your pepe. It's the finest breakfast in all of Waffleopolis. What's the plan on French all of Waffleopolis. What's the play on French toast? Butter and syrup? No, no, no. I like the whipped cream and the berry of syrup.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's just, it plays right into it. Yeah. Because it's already sweet, you know what I mean? So you don't want more. That's true. You don't want more syrup. It's just, and I like the cinnamon. I like to taste the cinnamon, the vanilla.

I feel like the butter smothers that. I wonder if they were doing that shit in France. No way. Or if just some French guy came to the States and was like, how do I make my mark? Maybe, though, because what's the batter? The batter's egg and milk. It's an egg wash, yeah. They like that shit.

That's true. Those fucking frogs. Dude, you guys were talking about Liberty Fries or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Freedom Fries? Freedom Fries. I was reading a book during Prohibition, which happened right around World War I. Yeah.

There was huge anti-German sentiment everywhere. Yeah. And instead of sauerkraut, they called it Liberty Cabbage. Liberty Cabbage? I didn't even know. The man who shot Liberty Cabbage. Liberty Cabbage. That's all I'm going to call it from now on.

That's what I call money. Ha ha! Ha ha! Gotta spin that liberty cabbage that guy stuck me up for all my liberty cabbage bitch better have my liberty cabbage we might as well

interpolate it you know what I mean they're not using it for sauerkraut anymore I feel like that's firmly in the books hell yeah Sean Jordan

it's time to put your Liberty Cabbage where your mouth is to make your third pick. I'm picking cinnamon rolls. Cinnamon. And I'm picking the Pillsbury ones that you make at home, and then you get to drizzle. You drizzle it. There's like an orange kind of frosting. It's not the color orange, but like

a slight hint of orange. Yeah. The best, dude. Mom used to make them all the time. Yeah, you put extra on yours, because Mom doesn't like frosting. No, I tell myself she doesn't. Mom used to make them all the time. They're so good. Yeah, you put extra on yours because Mom doesn't like frosting that much. I tell myself she doesn't. Mom, you don't like the frosting. Give me that fucking frosting. That's a great pick. I forgot about the existence of those.

Yeah. Those are so good. I don't know if those ever showed up in the Carmel household. They never grazed the Carmel? No. You never had the homemade cinnamon rolls? I may be corrected on this by my mother on Twitter via text message on Thursday, but I don't think so.

Oh, man. Because you can smell them as soon as you put them in the oven. That was like the closest thing I had to like a Folgers commercial in my house where I'd wake up when I was like 16. I'd be like, oh, shit. Run downstairs. Where they at, mom? I know they're in here. Your brother's home from the military on Christmas morning.

And then I walk in. I go, who the fuck are you? Dad left a long time ago. He's like, I'm just some guy, man. I smelled the cinnamon rolls. Some guy's singing your whole morning. Waking up on Christmas Day. Some guy's following behind you.

Singing a commercial? Smelling the cinnamon cookie. Friends and family around the table. Yeah, that was basically it. No better way to start your day. Cinnamon rolls are on the way. I'm coming home. Yeah.

You guys are getting everything spot on. It's always about your dad as a trucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My stepdad's a trucker. See? Yeah. You guys are getting everything spot on. It's always about your dad as a trucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My stepdad's a trucker. See? Yeah. Man, we just wrote your life. Yeah, he just mapped it out.

You're welcome, Pillsbury. Pulling out of Wichita. Long day lies ahead. Thinking about that special lady. Thinking about your bed. And then Pillsbury's cinnamon rolls call you home again.

You sound like Michael McDonald also when you were singing that. That's who I had in mind. I had to take my glasses off. I had to think, who's the singer who's had the most cinnamon rolls? Michael McDonald.

Yeah, he loves them. Dude, young cinnamon roll, dude. Meatloaf burst in the door I beg to differ I beg to differ who's talking shit about

if anybody out there is a skilled artist I would love a painting of Michael McDonald and meatloaf fighting at a home country buffet oh my god

I actually just saw that yeah that actually just happened like a drag out knock down drawl. Three weeks ago. That happens every day.

Life on the road, baby. They're stabbing each other with forks like a bunch. I think one challenged the other to a duel. Those dudes would duel for sure. They challenged each other to a drool. A drool in front of the country buffet. I challenge you to a drool. Meatloaf, I challenge you to a drool. You ever see

Meatloaf snap on The Apprentice? No! There's a YouTube clip where he goes off on Gary Busey. Whoa! YouTube it. It's fucking Meatloaf losing his fucking mind at Gary Busey. Who wins that? They were both Apprentice contestants. What's Gary do? Dude, you just gotta...

It defies description. It's going up on the big screen tonight. But also, yeah, who wins that fist fight? I mean, I got money on Meatloaf. Yeah. But... I don't know. Man, Busey's crazy.

Busey would bite you on the face. Yeah. Yeah. He'd try to suck your eye out of the socket. I picture Meatloaf... Could you imagine? You're like holding him off on top and he's just open mouth.

I'm going to suck it out of you, son. No! Like Kirby? That's the last thing you see. That's the last thing you see. Do you see the beauty? Do you see sucking eyeballs? That's your final thing.

Do you see sucking your eyeball out. That eye is cursed. You gotta put that in a chest and sink it to the bottom of the ocean. Doctor's like, we can put it back in. You're like, no. That is cursed.

That's cursed treasure, man. I'll be fine with an empty socket. And then Meatloaf has to go by his real name for the rest of his life. Yeah. Charles, whoa. Stevlin Judkins. Stevlin Judkins Stevlin Judkins

um so cinnamon rolls cinnamon rolls are good Adam Cadenhall this time for your third pick okay this one you might think I'm crazy

but if you want to get rid of a fucking hangover yeah this is my preferred breakfast it's a heavily revolving theme oh I bet I know what it is

it's pho pho oh fuck yeah I was waiting for one of these wow what were you thinking It's a heavily revolving theme. Fuh. Fuh. Oh! Fuck yeah! I was waiting for one of these. Similar to what I was thinking. What were you thinking? I was thinking another thing that could get picked. Okay, okay.

Yeah, I had something like that on the list too. Dude, I love it. Fuh in the morning is like, oh, it's just so spicy too. Like you put all the jalapenos in there. You put that chili paste in there. I feel like that game was handed to me by Kyle Kinane. I was just going to say Kyle's a big pho guy. Every time we're out after a night, we're like, yeah, let's go get some pho.

It feels good. It feels good. It does feel real good the next morning. Dude, there's this thing in Denver Federal that's got a huge Vietnamese community. And for years, my buddy Monty and I are like Saturday morning rituals, just big bowls of pho, like filet mignon, sliced pho. And that condensed milk coffee, man. Oh, that Vietnamese coffee.

I love that drink. That shit is. That's jet fuel. Yeah, man. It is sick. So good. You know, I've only had pho once in my life. God damn it, Sean.

That's crazy. One time. I had it with Shane after we went on a double date. One time. With these two girls. And we went and got pho at like four in the morning. Wow. You went One time, I had it with Shane after we went on a double date with these two girls. We went and got fucked at like four in the morning. Wow. You went with a girl.

Shane went with a sandwich. Double date with Shane at 4 a.m. She was like, did you just make gravy before you came to the state? I think I got like a $120 hug at the end of the night is what I chopped the night up to. Whoa, $120 hug? Not like I was, it's not, I don't want to sound like a shithead. It's just funny. You paid her $120 to hug you?

Yeah, there you go. Well, Shane watched. Sounds like a bad beat for her. I can't believe it didn't go better

when you went out for fun at 4 a.m. with Shane. Well, he also had a date. He's making brainy. I was still. I didn't just bring Shane along.

Yeah, but. I wore my red necklace. This would have been that era, probably, if you were both single. Yeah, it was right around there. It's not a good day move because that pho, it that era, probably. You were both single. Yeah, I was right around there.

It's not a good day move because that pho, it clings to you. You smell like pho for the rest of the day. I didn't make a single good move on that day. That's a pre-shower breakfast. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to be in the house watching Lord of the Rings all day. It's some grimy shit. You don't care what you smell like.

You said that's a pre-shower breakfast? Yeah. Yes, that's perfect. There's a lot of pre-shower breakfasts. I just wanted everyone to hear that you said that. Pre-shower breakfast. Those are the good ones. Everything but maybe the bagel and the cream cheese on a lot of pre-shower breakfast. I just wanted everyone to hear that you said that. Pre-shower breakfast. Those are the good ones. Everything but maybe the bagel and the cream cheese on here is a pre-shower breakfast, by the way.

No, this is all Saturday breakfast. Yeah, yeah. For sure. It's perfect. Yeah, because you do get the starch from the noodle in there, which will soak some of it. And that broth, it just sort of- Clears you out. It changes the trajectory for your day.

Yeah. Yep. It's great. That's a great fucking pick, man. Thanks. Yeah, I didn't even – that's great. Going to me. Yep.

Ian Carmel with your third pick. Ian Carmel with my third pick. I'm going to take – tell me if this is too broad. Bore will. Bore will. I don't think – David's one inch from Ian's face right now just staring at him. I don't think it is's one inch from Ian's face right now, just staring at him. I don't think it is too broad, but an omelette.

No, that's fine. Fucking love an omelette. Because it's made from eggs. And then there's different ways to put it in there. It is made from eggs. I love making an incredible edible egg. I love making an omelette at home, even. Oh, yeah. That's a dish I got.

I can make an omelet. How do you do it? Do you put the cheese in the middle and then flip it over pancakes? Well, I let the egg cook. Get a base cook. Yeah, good base cook. Yeah, so you can- And again, this is one where you pour the cream in.

You fucking whip the fuck out of it before you pour it in. Whip it, whip it. Whip the fuck out of it. Because you want it to fluff up. It sounds better when you whip it. You're going to whip the fuck out of that egg. Whip that egg. Get the fuck out of that egg.

Whip some air into it. Whatever you guys are picturing is exactly what's happening. It's the visuals in there. You got it. It's like you really just want to fill it with air, you know? And the air really helps it stay fluffy. That's how you get the fluffy thing. But if you want it to be fluffy, and I can't emphasize this enough,

you've got to get that whisk. You've got to get your bull legs. You've got to whip them. Fuck off it. You do look like competing students at Cordon Bleu. You're like number one in the class. He's number two, and he's coming up on your heels. I'm sprinting towards the finish line.

I don't give a fuck. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Whip it. Whip it. Whip it. Go to the next class. What the fuck? They owe you fucking money. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. What the fuck? They owe you fucking money.

The administrators. We haven't had this talented a crop in years. James Beard Award winners in the making. Oh, man. A little Salieri-Mozart situation here with the egg whipping. You know what? Biscuits, gravy, you're both through. Come on.

You're the new chefs. Welcome to Top Gun. And then, you don't want to put any more than two ingredients into an omelet. Really? Yeah. Really? Save that bullshit for a scramble. Yeah, so you put like you have your egg base

and then a cheese and maybe a mushroom, right? Or a bacon and a spinach. A green pepper and a chicken. A tomato and a feta. Yeah, a green pepper and a chicken. Yeah, tomato and a feta. Any more than that, it starts to get a little complicated. That's fair. I did not know that, and I'm glad that I do know that.

It kind of makes sense, right? You're some schmuck at a fucking embassy suite. What do you want? He's like putting all the ingredients in. Yeah, I have gone too ambitious at a waffle station or at an omelet station. I've gone wild. I've had waffles with marinara sauce, or not my waffle, omelets with marinara sauce on

them and shit. Because you're that dude. Yeah. Yeah. Well, doesn't a Denver omelet maybe, or no, that's salsa. Denver omelet is like green pepper and ham and cheese, right? No omelet comes with marinara sauce. I get that.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know why it is. I've never heard that. I've never even heard that it was, like Denver doesn't claim it as being invented. No, they don't even know why it is. I've never heard that. I've never even heard that it was, like, Denver doesn't claim it as being invented. No, they don't seem to, like, want it. I've never heard, yeah, I've never been to a place where they're like, we serve Denver omelets. So many other exceptional entries into the American cookbook.

Denver omelets is bland as hell. It's like, okay, well. Green peppers. We'll take Rocky Mountain oysters, though. If green pepper is in something, all I can taste is green pepper I'm not a green pepper guy I can't taste it that much really unless it's been really cooked down

yeah I'll take it on pizza I'll take it on some pizza really see I'm in a I can't do it in a fajita I like it in a good fajita in a fajita I can do

but it's really gotta be cooked down the back of chili's coming out everybody knows the big dog ordered the fajitas what night somebody's important. I just want to ask them, like,

what about this sizzling dish makes you think I was going to touch it before you told me not to? Don't touch the plate. I wasn't going to. It looks like it's on fire. Hey,

this food that sounds like a snake, don't touch it. Okay. Yeah, no shit, Doug. One dumb dude, he thought it was too spicy

for the room. Tried to pass it to his date. Here you go, sweetheart. He was me in Mexico, dude, just drinking the water. I'm the room. Tried to pass it to his date. Here you go, sweetheart. He was me in Mexico, dude. Just drinking the water. I'm the guy who eats the fajitas before they cool. I'm that guy. We went to Chili's before prom one time,

before like homecoming. Yep. And all my friends got fajitas and I ordered like a salad or something and got mocked mercilessly. Oh, yeah. But then they were all too heavy that night. Yeah.

Homeboy sealed the deal over here with all three of their dates. All three dates. The fajita boys in front of my friends. Just 17-year-old agita. Shane Torres was also there. Making gravy.

Cauldron full of gravy. Cauldron? It seems so much worse. Stirring it with a bow door He's hissing at you He's a sizzling Pea to drink Oh my god

One of our One of our best friends Buy his album I hope he listens to this And then I come home From work and he's there That's all I want That's all I want out of life

Oh great Oh hey Oh fine Already we're doing this Oh fucking great and he's there. That's all I want. That's all I want out of life. You're pretty funny on the podcast. Oh, hey. Oh, fine. Already we're doing this. Oh, fucking great. Son of a bitch. And then we'll hug. You guys are perfect.

Fuck me. Oh, God. He thinks I don't sound like him, by the way. I do. That's a passable shame, dude. From the bottom of my heart, I love that man. Oh, yeah. I'd do anything for him.

Fuck. Great pick. What did I pick? Did I just pick? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Omelets. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, omelets. That's right. That was your fourth pick? Omelet was my third pick. So it's time for my fourth pick. Yeah, okay. Oh, by the way,

my ideal omelet, little egg, Swiss cheese, sautéed mushrooms. It took me a long time to like the Swiss cheese. I get that it's supposed to be dull now. It's dull and nutty. Yeah, it took a long time for me to understand. Because I was mad that Swiss cheese didn't taste like the rest of the cheese.

That I wasn't, I was like, this tastes like crap. Ooh, mommy. That's the flavor you're going for with a good Swiss. Yeah. Yeah, woodsy. A woodsy flavor. So with my fourth pick, I'm going to take something that you could eat any goddamn day of the week. Not just on a Friday or Saturday, Sunday. I'm going to take something that you could eat any goddamn day of the week. Not just on a Friday or Saturday, Sunday.

I'm going to take an acai bowl. Oh. Yeah. You do make that move. Well, look who lives in Los Angeles. That's right. That's right. And before that, Portland, Oregon.

It's so good. It's like a fucking frozen yogurt, basically. Yeah. It's like an excuse. It's one of those ones where you're like, this tastes like a dessert, but it's not. It's amazing. And you feel good. Yeah, you feel really good.

It's like the frozen mashed up acai berries, because I know our listeners, and I know we might not all live in Los Angeles and know what acai is. Yeah, so it's almost like a frozen yogurt, but all pure fruit. And then they'll put granola on it. Sometimes they'll fuck it up with some peanut butter,

cow nibs. I say he's got all sorts of like healing things. It was like found in the Amazon, right? Yeah. It's a superfood. Anti-oxidants and that stuff. Brazilians are all about it. Brazilians are the best looking people on the planet.

By far. By far. Followed by people from Oregon. It's so good. South Dakota's a close third. I'll get that sometimes. Close third. Close third. Where do you think South Dakota's a close third. I'll get that sometimes. Close third. Close third.

Where do you think South Dakota actually is? I do love that South Dakota carnival. That's a great time. Yeah. You mean Sturgis? Sturgis. What is that? It's South Dakota carnival.

Sturgis. There's fucking metal moms everywhere, dude. That's awesome. Sturgis, the South Dakota carnival. That's a shirt if I've ever heard one. Merch. Merch alert. That's tight.

Yes, they're just an acai bowl. It's delicious. Sometimes I'll get that. If I've incurred two days of self-abuse, the first morning I'll have like a breakfast burrito or what have you. The second day I'm like, I got to fucking,

I'll get the acai bowl. By the way, it can be packed with calories, but it's still, it's good calories. That's a nice Monday meal. I'm turning a different page now. Postmates to work, and I'm like, oh, thank you. With a bulletproof coffee. Oh my God, thank you so much.

Oh, thank you so much. By the way, just that way you talk to PAs. Hey. How many three open waters at all times? God, when I was doing PA stuff,

I was so close to telling people to fuck off a few times because I was 36 and I had like 19 year old YouTube kids like, oh,

and I'm just like, dog, I'll knock your fucking teeth out. I wouldn't, but it's just so frustrating. Adam, it's time for your fourth pick. Well, I'm going to go down your road. Yes.

Because I can't always eat the junk. The Silk Road. Ian's a big dark web guy. A lot of the time, I will do just granola, yogurt, fruit. Fantastic. Granola, like a parfait. And I'll make it myself. I like strawberries and blueberries in that bad boy.

What's your granola situation? I just go to get the organic-y looking cereal one. Just like by the bag? Yeah, totally. I used to fuck around at Whole Foods and be like, I'll get it from the dispenser and put it in a bag. Oh, yeah.

Then I got too cumbersome. Now I just go. I just streamlined my parfait. I don't have time for all this bullshit. Nah, you're a man on the go. You got poor face to eat. Too cumbersome. Poor face.

Poor, poor face. What's your yogurt game? Do you do the Greek yogurts? Yeah, Chobani. I like it too. Chobani or like the... Faye. What's that one guy from Turkey?

It's like so... Is that Chobani? I think it's... Yeah, no, Chobani's the Greek one. Well, Faye. There's Faye, which is the F-A-G-E. I don't know about that. Oh, that one's really good.

You guys might as well be speaking a different language. I don't know. Well, it's Greek. There's a lot. I wasn't going to get out of here without saying something stupid. Might as well be speaking Greek over here. Yogurt's changed, man. You go to the yogurt aisle, there's so much shit.

There's a ton of yogurts. They've got drinking yogurts and shit now. If you get unflavored yogurt, good substitute for sour cream. Oh, I forgot the best part. I put a little bit of honey on there. Oh. Hell yeah, honey on there. Changing. Oh, yeah. Honey on there. Changing the game, dude.

Organic Colorado bee honey. Yeah. That's what I'll do. The bees are dying. Yep. They're bouncing back a little bit. The bees are dying. They're bouncing back.

The bees are dying. That's why I'm trying to support them, man. I got love for bees. I'm trying to buy their product. No, I understand. I understand. They got to stick around. Otherwise, nobody gets to go to Tech 9 concerts after that.

We need bees. Yeah. How are you going to afford your ticket? Make an cockroach bite you? The numbers of Tech N9ne shows have dropped way off. It's the bees, man. It's the bees. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, I love a yogurt bar. I also love when you eat something healthy like that, just the way you feel. It can really set you off on the right path. It's just like seeing it and looking at healthy food going to your body makes you feel better i'm such an old man if i can do that and i i still get the physical newspaper i get oh yeah and if i can just like read the news real quick coffee and that i'm like is the post still kicking say it again is the post still kicking fast they're laying off motherfuckers dude right it's really sad save the denver post it's like, this is hedge funds bleeding it dry.

It sucks. That's happened in LA with the LA Weekly. Some shitheads bought it. My buddy who's a journalist, he's like, dude, like two, three years tops. They just laid off like 90 journalists. God damn. It sucks. Bobby Axelrod's a hedge fund guy.

I don't want to hold those in authority to any sort of responsibility. Right, what do we need the fourth estate for? We're good. They're honest up there. I'm sure the companies will tell the truth. So yeah, read the soon-to-be-dead Denver Post. Have my granola and yogurt and fruit and honey cup of coffee. That's a great morning.

I also want to throw a shout-out really quick in the middle of the podcast to, well, his name's Lenton Josh, at Jib Josh, who Adam suggested the breakfast food thing, but I just remembered one of our listeners did their own breakfast food draft. Oh, shit. So shout out to them. Oh, Isaac Sherman, too. Him, too?

Yeah, Isaac is the... Wait, did he do it? Was that today they did that? Oh, crazy. No, I think it might have been last night. Anyway, shout out to... Randomly they did it? Yeah.

Wow. Shout out to the listeners. It's like we were at a party, right? That's awesome. Yeah, something like that, right? Man, that's cool. That's very cool. I love that.

There's something in the air. Breakfast food scene. Hangovers. Breakfast. Bre like that, right? Man, that's cool. That's very cool. I love that. Must be something in the air. Breakfast food scene. Hangovers. Breakfast. Bracke, bracke. Okay, yogurt parfait, excellent pick. Chantel Jordan, fourth pick. I'm picking hash browns with cheese all over them.

Like melted. I go melted pepper jack. Is that covered? A little bit of hash browns. I do it at Astro Diner. It's like rarely when I go there, but I've always just liked this dish. But if you go in there, you can get a plate of hash browns

smothered in cheese for like four bucks. It's so, so good. Is this liquid cheese or is it melted cheese? Melted. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah. Like melted pepper jack is my preferred cheese. Yeah.

I feel like that's a Grand Rapids thing or maybe it's a Michigan thing. I remember being told to go track that down in Grand Rapids. Really? Yeah, I could see that. It's real simple, you know, and it's not it's not too busy you know there's home i love homemade i don't make i don't know how to make sure you could make it i either way you today so you came back from the armenian with like a uh like two of those microwave biscuit sandwiches i did and i was just thinking i was like it's not hard to cook an egg you know you could be making

this yourself i I could. Without all the preservatives in there. Yeah, I just get so lazy. I came home with two shitty microwaves. Even eating them, I'm like, man, this doesn't even look like food, dude. You can see where it's frozen. You're like, it looks frozen, but it's warm. I don't know.

I'm just saying, it wouldn't take much. No. Wouldn't take much. Trust me. You and Laura have been talking? She, this is no she like i had to fucking google how to brown taco how to brown beef one time because she's like you got to make something yeah and i was like i can make tacos thinking i would thinking i could just wait and she's like okay tonight yeah tonight you're making tacos so i was in subway god

this is embarrassing i was in subway eating because i was like what if i fuck this up i'm still gonna be hungry so i want to eat now so i was eating sandwich, YouTubing how to brown beef, and then I showed up and acted like I knew what I was doing. Heat, it turns out. Yeah, it's like scrambling eggs. Heat and something that will conduct that heat. Yeah. You're not going to pan. YouTube, right?

The taco seasoning packet has the instructions on it, too. You can do it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just not a cook. Yeah, I figured it out now. Yeah. Anyway, dude, yeah. Yeah, hash browns.

Hash browns with cheese on them. Real simple. Basic boy over here. How exciting is it, by the way, when you show up in a new comedy city and people are like, you have to try the X here? Dude. Oh, dude. It's so exciting.

Sometimes it's daunting. In Peoria, they had this like five pound, I want to say, no, that's crazy. Maybe it was like one pound or something, but it was like this fries on a sandwich with fried chicken covered in melted cheese. The whole thing. And I got like a third of the way through it. Yeah, it's like you're just eating a nap.

You're eating a future nap. If they're going to recommend something, it's got to be something the people that eat on the road. Right, it's not like voodoo donuts in Portland. It's like, that's kind of a... They don't do this every day, guys. It's worth seeing, but it's like, yeah, something like that. Right, it's not like voodoo donuts in Portland. It's like, that's kind of a... Right, yeah, yeah. We don't do this every day, guys. It's worth seeing, but it's like, yeah, I want that stuff where it's like, ooh, it's Saturday.

Let's see if we can go get blank. Yeah. That's Denver pho, for sure. Like, those in the know in Denver. Yeah. Go get the pho. I'll take you when you come through. Tight.

I'm in. Yeah, well, I'll be there soon. Not soon, but at the end of the summer. Yeah, yeah. David Borey, it is time for your fourth and then your final pick. So my fourth pick, kind of weird. No, not kind of weird. It's just like a good, when you get it with all the fixings, I love it.

It's a good oatmeal. Oh, yeah. You got the good steel cut. Yeah. And then you got some berries there, maybe some brown sugar, some honey. I don't know what you do. I like that all of us have just scaled back a little bit. We all went with our mad dog pitch.

We were some big power players, but now we're shoring up the team. You eat oatmeal every day. It doesn't take too much. It's good. It's hearty. It's good for you, too. It's good for you. I love it. Yeah, just like it doesn't need to be too sweet.

Just like a little bit of honey or brown sugar. Yeah. Put some berries in there. Maybe a little milk if you're so inclined. Sure. Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, I love oatmeal. I love a good hot oatmeal.

Sticks to your ribs, too. It doesn't encumber you. But it doesn't, it's not like bad sticky. It's not like Shane gravy sticky. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. A little cinnamon? A little cinnamon on top of it? Oh, a little cinnamon. Ooh. A little cinnamon gravy sticky. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. A little cinnamon.

A little cinnamon on top of it. Oh, a little cinnamon. Ooh. A little cinnamon in there. Yeah, so good oatmeal. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to close it out. This one is also kind of controversial.

Because it can go- This is the time for controversy. A lot of different types. I'm going to say a shake. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Because there's like- Full sign off.

There's so many different kinds. Yeah, totally. You could do like a health, like a kale shake Oh, wow. There's so many different kinds. Yeah, totally. You could do like a health, like a kale shake situation. Yeah. Maybe you're doing a protein shake. I don't know what you're doing.

We're doing like a smoothie more than a milkshake? No, like a breakfast liquid meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a good call. I can't believe I didn't even think about that.

So many people start with that. Dude, smoothies, fucking putting a banana in there. Yeah, oh my God, in the morning? You know what they say? Maybe like a thumb full of peanut butter.

People are like, thumb full of peanut butter. No, I don't know. You gotta go like that. Whack! Yeah. Whack! Right in there. Like you're packing a can of Chew.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's bad. There it is. None of us ever chewed, right? You never chewed. No, but I packed the shit out of it. Bear Blaylock did. And one it. Bear Blaylock did. And one time...

Bear Blaylock did. Bear Blaylock did, and one time left a diet Coke can full of the spit next to the computer, and I grabbed it and took a swig. Oh! Oh, hey! Damn!

My brother's a great guy. Yeah, he's awesome. I really make him sound like a various individual. A kid rock fan that chews? Oh, wait, he wasn't the Kid Rock fan. You were the kid. Your boy was the Kid Rock fan. He had better sense of the ride.

He was just the guy who made you eat and drink vinegar. The one time I tried to chew, I puked. Ugh, I can't. It feels like your head's floating 10 feet above your body. It's the weirdest feeling. That sounds dope. My good friend chews. Maybe we gotta get you back into chew.

I love it. When your buddy chews, you're kind of like, hell yeah, dude. Get your thing up. I'm not disgusted by it. I like seeing my friends do it. Yeah, it doesn't gross me out either. Yeah, but I just never could. Smoothies?

Shakes? I hear avocado in a breakfast smoothie's good. Yeah, I've heard. I don't put avocado. But I mean, just any kind of meal. Like, it's good to have a thick, hearty liquid for breakfast. It just makes you feel good. Yeah, I'm liquid for breakfast. It just makes you feel good. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm in. For sure. You're sitting on the couch and somebody walks in with two glasses of smoothie. Oh, my God. I got you. No one's for you. I got you a smoothie.

I got you a smoothie. Oh. I got you this ring. Yeah. Yeah. Most beautiful words in the English language. I got you the smoothie. Or, like, if you're at somebody's house and they're like, hey, I was just making a smoothie.

You were talking about Jamba Juice the other night. I was talking about Jamba Juice on Friday. Yeah. I didn't. I love Jamba Juice. I'm going to get one sometime this week. Very commonly in the Denver airport, actually, I'll get a Jamba Juice. There's one upstairs and that's where I always have the long layovers.

So yeah. Get a Jamba Juice and then you- Get a little boost in it for 12 extra dollars. A little bee pollen. Oh, dude. I don't know if I've ever told this on here. My friend Rat used to go into whatever the juice stop, I think it was. And he walked in one time and he ordered two shots of wheatgrass.

And he slid one to the girl working. I shot it and then he just walked out. Legendary. Didn't even pay for it? No, I didn't even think about it. Amazing. That's so cool. And for you?

That's great. And for the lady? You want to know something funny? I just realized I have an early memory of a Jamba Juice in Washington. Yeah. And thinking that it was the most ridiculous idea. Like I remember like I was like in the car with my mom and I was like, it's juice, but it's Jamaican.

And I remember specifically being like, that's a stupid idea. Well, here we are, Jamba Juice 15 years later. They were playing the long game. Because I said I know I can't believe Jamaica, we have a juice stop. Some people

say they can't believe Jamaica got the juice to stop. Shout out to Dougie Doug. Oh, man. Shout out to Dougie Doug. Oh, man. Shout out to Dougie Doug. Sean Jordan is talking about your final pick. Okay.

Did he die? I don't know. No, I don't think so. When? You know. Preemptive RIP to Dougie Doug. So, I know this has a name. I don't know. My mom used to call it monkey bread.

God damn it. So, it was called monkey bread. It's like a caramel pull-apart. Oh, the pull-apart bread. Yeah, I know about monkey bread. Yeah, okay. Is that what it is? The cinnamon?

It's got cinnamon? Oh, yeah. Monkey bread. Fantastic. That shit is so good. Yeah, dude. That's a good call. That's the biggest-

Is that breakfast? Cheater-ass breakfast. It was for us. She'd make it all the time, and I'd be like, nah, dog. That shit is so, it's like cake. Yeah. And then, again, we'd just go skate all the time. You got a bread-heavy draft, my man.

Also, how is cinnamon in a Jordan house? A lot of cinnamon. A lot of bread. A lot of cinnamon. A lot of hot bread and cinnamon. Yep. Yep. Broke.

He's broke. Well, okay. All right. We got to take another. Huh? Oh, it got so quiet. Yeah. That was crazy.

We made it a socioeconomic thing. Yeah, I was just kidding. Cinnamon's just good, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. That was another thing that I would smell socioeconomic thing. Yeah, I was just kidding. Cinnamon's just good, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. That was another thing that I would smell and just be like, yep, I'm in. And I would eat way too much of it. It's so good.

A huge portion. It's only good fresh, though. It's wet, right? It's kind of wet. Yeah, yeah. And you'd eat it with a fork. I don't think I know this. Huge glass of milk.

It's so good. Oh, the best. Is it braided? Is it braided bread? I don't know what they do to it. I think she would... I don't know what she cut up. Biscuits, bread? I don't know what they do to it. I think she would, I don't know what she cut up. Biscuits, maybe?

I don't know. Maybe it was cut up cinnamon rolls, actually. And then she would like- Put it into like a loaf. Yeah, like a loaf thing. That's exactly what it was. And then it would be like, each piece was like a square inch

or something like that. And you just mash it all together with like cinnamon. When you guys come to Denver, someone should bring us some of this. I've never tried it. Oh, yeah. Someone bring it. In anticipation of the Live All Fantasy Everything in Denver.

We're announcing it now. We're announcing it now. Oh, yeah. We will be at High Plains doing a Live All Fantasy Everything. We are going to be out there. I'm going to be in those on South Broadway.

I'm just going to be in the street all weekend. All three of us. You're going to wear that camo luggage that you bought. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Monkey bread will be the only thing to ground you at that point. Bring monkey bread when you need it. And Molly.

And also, I'm going to smoke all your weed. I'm going to drink all the cold golds I can. Because it tastes better in Colorado. Yeah? It does. It tastes a lot better. Monkey bread. I'm probably not going to drink that whole time, but you know. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure Because it tastes better in Colorado. Yeah? It does. It tastes a lot better. Monkey bread. I'm probably not going to drink that whole time, but you know.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. That's a move. Adam, Kate, and Holland, it's time for your final pick. Okay. I think I'll go with the most fun one. Huevos rancheros. Yes!

Yeah, dude. I'm surprised I went until fifth round. I forgot about it completely. I'm a dipshit. It's always good. Because it is like most egg dishes or a breakfast burrito, but what separates it is you're never going to get some refried beans in a breakfast burrito.

Huevos rancheros. And maybe they'll even throw you a few tortilla chips on the side. I love when they do that. Such a nice move. That's a legit situation. I think it's a little too similar, but my final pick was going to be chilaquiles, which is a little bit like a huevos rancheros. I call bullshit on chilaquiles, which is a little bit like huevos rancheros.

I call bullshit on chilaquiles. You don't like them? No, dude. Breakfast nachos. I've had them in Mexico. I've traveled around in Mexico eating them

and it's like too many fucking tortilla chips to start your day out. It is a lot. It's a lot of them. It's nachos. It's nachos for breakfast.

It's breakfast nachos. Yeah, it's a breakfast nacho. I can't get down with it. Huevos rancheros is maybe the better version of it. There's one rule. Don't eat nachos for breakfast.vos rancheros is maybe the better version of it. Yeah. What are they called again?

Chilaquiles? Yeah. So what's on? Is it just like breakfast stuff? It's basically a plate of tortilla chips. Yeah. They'll put cheese on it. They'll put eggs on it. And you just kind of, you don't even use a fork.

You just like lift up the chips. Crazy. Never even heard of it. It's got a great name. Chilaquiles. Chilaquiles. Yeah. That's what you want in the name.

But we're talking about Huevos Rancheros. Huevos Rancheros we are. Huevos rancheros. Huevos rancheros we are. Huevos rancheros. Huevos rancheros. I just want your listeners to know how international I am. Say it again. Been to Mexico. Traveled man. Been to America. What more do you want? Adam's reading a Rand McNally right now.

I'm in Leonard Maltin's den. Hollandaise sauce? Holland? Yep. My family's very wealthy off our hollandaise empire. Hollandaise empire. Yep. Yeah, huevos rancheros are good,

man. It's just a spicy breakfast I've been to. Yeah, absolutely. I like a messy breakfast. Messy, spicy breakfast.

Messy, spicy breakfast. That's what huevos rancheros is. And if you get, like, that's the one dish that I'll push past my comfort level of heat.

Yeah. I'll be like, yeah, give me the spicy shit. Yeah, you just gotta go for it. Cause it also, it's got like, that's the one dish that I'll push past my comfort level of heat. I'll be like, yeah, give me the spicy shit. Yeah, you just got to go for it. Because it also, it's got, like, I mean, there's parts of it that you can eat that'll, like, dull the spice, too. The refried beans, for sure. Yeah, the refried beans, yeah.

It's a strong way to, again, that's more of a Saturday meal. Yeah, yeah. But it's still good. Oh, yeah, but it's still good. It's fantastic. It's great. Hell yeah. Excellent final pick.

Wave us around, Charles. Now, this is it. Your last pick. Except for my final pick, Way of us around, Charles. Now this is it. Your last pick. Except for my final pick, the final pick of the draft. And then, oof. It's hard. I have to go. I have to go.

This is going to have to be my most honest pick. It was my favorite breakfast as a youth. I still love it to this day. It's those little brown and serve maple sausages. Oh, those are great. You know those little ones? Those are the microwave ones. The microwave ones?

Yeah. I fucking love them. I use those all the time. I used to house those as a kid. They taste microwaved and it's still okay. And it's still so good. It's like your cinnamon rolls. It's like we all know that's not a good natural taste.

Yeah. But we fucking love it. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Those are great. I still, I get those good natural taste, but we fucking love it. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, those are great. I still, I get those like once a week probably. I love them. If they're at a breakfast buffet, I will have a wide stance on that tongue. You know what I mean?

The amount of sausage in there, it's a wide stance. Like a Best Western Plus. A cowboy who just walked into the saloon, wide stance. Just because there's so many sausages just the silhouette of you the wide stance tongue yeah they have a little maple in there

they're fucking delicious I just love them that with a big breakfast can't be beat they are I'll dip them in syrup too sometimes I'll just fold them up. If you're at a hotel that has those syrup packets,

I'll just dip them on in there, look like an animal. I don't care. Yeah, fucking good. All of these, coffee, orange juice, water for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five percent. Those three, exactly those three.

You know what I love is drinking a black coffee when you're eating something spicy. There's something about, like, drinking coffee when you have that spice mouth that I really like. Yeah, it's a weird... You're right. It's a weird feeling. I had breakfast the other day that made me feel good.

They had a grapefruit juice. Ooh. It was a good move. There's some redemptive power of grapefruit. Something about it just points it all back to you. Hunter S. Thompson was always getting grapefruits. Right. Really?

Yeah, he'd be like, here's the order. And it's a ton of booze, Benzedrine, drug bubble, and like four grapefruits. And you're like, that shit kept him alive for as long as it did. What you're saying is I'm growing into my Hunter-ass topic. Hell yeah. Absolutely. You need to get you back to the mountains of Colorado, dude. Bucket hats already in effect.

Yeah, I do need back in. You need your Owl Creek. Yeah. Excellent draft, gentlemen. Yeah, dude. To recap, David, you went first. You took waffles after some heated debate. A biscuit breakfast sandwich, French toast, oatmeal, and then a breakfast smoothie.

Sean, you went second. You took biscuits and gravy, blueberry pancakes with blueberry syrup, cinnamon rolls with the Pillsbury kind with the orange syrup, smothered hash browns, and monkey bread. That was a wild draft. Don, I'm saying there's not like a protein in there. That was a wild... The recaps are the best because you're like,

fuck, I'm a weird dude. This is like... Your breakfast is what you would eat before you ran an ultramarathon. That's awesome. We're like swimming the English Channel. Adam, you went there. You took a bagel and cream cheese, eggs benedict, pho, yogurt parfait, and then huevos rancheros.

I went last and I took breakfast burrito, chicken fried steak, omelet, acai bowl, and then those little brown and served breakfast sausages. We left some great shit on the board. Oh, so much shit. Grape nuts, for example. God, no way. I heard about this one. I heard about this one. I love them.

I love grape nuts. Donuts, like a maple donut is really one that I wanted. I like muffins. Croissant. I like a croissant. Oh, a croissant. A croissant witch.

Yeah. I was debating that in Huevos Rancheros. Almost took avocado toast. I wanted to pick T-bone steak, cheese, eggs, and Welch's grape, but more for like a joke. I would have allowed it.

Nobody did chicken and waffles? Nobody did chicken and waffles. Well, he took waffles. I didn't know what the... Nobody took quiche. Oh, quiche. I love quiche. Duke Carmel makes wicked quiche.

A fried egg sandwich I just loved. Remember I was making fried egg sandwiches the other day? Yes, dude. Put some sharp cheese on there. Oh, that's a fucking messy breakfast. Blintzes. Fucking blintzes, bro. Damn.

Blintzes? I like a blintz. Blintzes. I prefer a latke. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a cover four kind of guy. Come on, get out of here.

Get out of here. Professional comedian. God damn. I feel like I'm missing something. I had just spinach. A cheese danish from Starbucks was always something I like. What? You've something I had just spinach A cheese danish From Starbucks Was always something I like

What? You've done that No I mean spinach You could put it in So many different When you were back on your eggs It was like an eggs thing I was like

Spinach you put in so much shit I didn't know how to draft this But a full English breakfast Obviously that's too many things But that's a dope breakfast Blood sausage Cold sausage It's got like a blood sausage

Yeah like an egg Tomato Baked beans Tomato Like a cooked tomato but that's a dope breakfast. Blood sausage. Cold sausage. It's got like a blood sausage. Yeah, like an egg. Tomato. Baked beans, tomato, like a cooked tomato. Marissa, what are your favorite breakfasts? Bacon. Bacon. Bacon.

Not Canadian, our bacon. What do you call American bacon in Canada? Just bacon? So you guys know Canadian bacon is a hoax. What do you just call it? Ham up there? You call it Canadian bacon in Canada? Shit, man. Shit.

So first we got to make the shine biopic. I like Canadian bacon. Then we got to look into this Canadian bacon. I think Canadian bacon's great. Am I the only one in this room that likes it? No, I like it. I don't like it on pizza. I'm fine with it. No, I'm fine with it.

That's all I'm on. I'm fine with it. I don't have big opinions on it. Yeah, so shout out to everyone who listened. make sure you hit us up on twitter with your suggestions make sure you buy Adam Catenholland's new comedy album do it you'll be thrilled shout out to everyone on twitter on instagram

on the AFE subreddit we see you try to visit there more and more subscribe recommend us to your friends please it really we it really matters we really love it uh give us five star reviews hell yeah hell yeah well anybody else hit us up shout out to brian j long who sent me a very nice message on instagram today yeah i got uh oh man i should have had this prepared i did get a very nice email the other day i apologize

it's not uh right in front of me. Oh, what a bad story. Look. I'm saying shout out to Isaac Sherbin. A lot of news out there. Anyway, dude, shout out to this dude named Suppleboy who messaged me. Oh, that was me. That's my other account. Oh, sorry.

Everybody. Honestly, like the more emails and like Instagram, like DMs I get just from like people maybe going through a rough time or whatever. Yes. DMs I get just from people maybe going through a rough time or whatever. I love reading those and I respond to everyone that I get. Send them on in. I love it. If this makes you forget about anything bad going on in your life, even for a second, that's

fucking great. It's fantastic. Those messages sincerely mean the world to us. I've cried at almost all of them. You guys are crushing it. I love watching it. It's great. Good job, boys. I'm thankful for every fan that them. You guys are crushing it. I love watching it. It's great. Good job, boys. I'm thankful for every fan that I get, but I can't take a shit in the bathroom. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Wait. Sick and tired. Oh, I'm so sick and tired of being in a mine. I'm going to call you the lawyers, and file you a lawsuit, and smile in the courtroom, and buy you an outfit. Right? Is that the law? I think so. Buy you a wardrobe, I think to file you a lawsuit. I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you an outfit. Right? Is that the line? I think so.

Buy you a wardrobe, I think. Buy you a wardrobe. Yeah, dude. Why are we doing that? In Austin? We were doing that in Austin. Fuck you. File you a lawsuit.

I'll buy you a wardrobe. It's so aggressive. With my jeans on. Whatever you say I am. I wasn't. Why would I say I am? Yeah, I did. Oh, and finally, shout out to Eric at SkullShaker22 on Twitter.

That's our dude. We're keeping you in our thoughts. Fucking keep your head up, dude. We love you. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being chill. And again, happy birthday, Liz. And above all, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Waffle Topples! Ha ha ha! that was a hate gun podcast