All Fantasy Everything - Bucket Lists (w/ Super Producer Marissa, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: November 14, 2019

You wanted the best, you got it - ladies and gentlemen and non-binary and anyone else anywhere on the vast spectrum - Super Producer Marissa.Episode Guest:Marissa Melnyk @marsmel IG: @mars.melSupport the show!All Fantasy Everything is nominated for Discover Pods' Best Comedy Podcast award! Support the show by casting your vote here until Nov 18th: https://awards.discoverpods.com/2019-discover-pods-awards-finalists/Sponsors:Eight Sleep: Get $150 off when you go to eightsleep.com/allfantasy.Feals: Become a member today by going to Feals.com/ALLFANTASY and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.Dashlane: Start dashing through the internet and help support our show by visiting dashlane.com/allfantasy to start your 30 day free trial of Dashlane – no credit card required. Use code “allfantasy” at checkout to save 20% on your Premium subscription.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. dough with which i buy my beer ray the guy i buy beer from me for whom i buy my beer far the distance to the store so i think I'll have a beer. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Tea. No, thanks. I'll have a beer. And that will bring us back to Doe, Doe, Doe, Doe. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Wow.

The podcast that just had to get that off his chest. That was so sick. Yeah. You sounded like a cartoon character. Thank you very much. Like in, like, I could see you in like Be Our Guest. Yeah. Oh. Remember?

I would love that. How have you not gotten any voice work? Politics, man. Your boy's out here taking it all. Sibionese Liberation Army. Uh-huh. I figured. I just wanted to hear you say it.

I don't know if I can say that. Did you say Sibionese? Sibionese Liberation Army? Did you say Sibionese? Sibionese. Oh, like one of those sex toy benches? Sibionese. Oh, I just thought they were for your back. Sibionese. Oh. Symbionese Liberation Army? Did you say Sibionese? Oh, like one of those sex toy benches? Symbionese. Oh, I just thought they were for your back. Symbionese. Oh. Symbiria.

Yeah, they can be. Symbionese Liberation Army? Whoever was in Oregon doing weird shit. Oh, yeah. Maybe those are two different. Anyway, what a fun song. I would love to do a voiceover work. I would love to do Be Our Guest. I would love to do be our guest,

but they already cast like Josh Gad. Yeah. But if Josh Gad dies, he's like bad you. Yeah. Gad me. He's like Gad me. Gad you.

Yeah. Gad Carms. Gad Zooks. Josh Gad is a really cute assistant. We were filming in London together and she was wearing like a dress with sneakers. Get out of here. Dude.

Oh my God. It murders me. Oh, Lord almighty. A dress with sneakers get out of here. Oh my god. It murders me. Oh lord almighty. A dress with sneakers? Uh huh. Like some like Janowskis for me like some white Janowskis with like a sundress and a ponytail. If somehow she's listening to this. Big old sunglasses on me. If she was like

damn who's that super cute guy wearing like. He looks kind of like my boss. Yeah wearing a faded black hoodie and shorts. Eating beef jerky. Eating beef jerky on set. It was you. Just know.

That's Ian Carmel. We're here in the Fortress of Solitude today. It's a very special occasion. It sure is. Yeah, it's a very special occasion. I mean, we're going to go in regular order anyway. Sean Jordan is in the Fortress of Solitude today. Hey, hey.

Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Thank you. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the ground. I'm not just special. More and more. There's more and more every day. We're seeing more. What else are you coming up today?

Or, you know, the next few weeks. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Still a big bowl of nothing. Still a blank slate. Big old warm glasses. Shut the hell up. Nothing. Listen to All Fantasy Everything.

Watch the Late Late Show. Go to Faded. Go to Faded. You always forget. I really always do forget. I always forget. Go to Faded. I have an album called The Buck Starts Here. Purchase that if you feel so inclined.

Just be excellent to each other. I like that. I like that too. Maybe I'll have some road work. I'm thinking about cooking up a show in Portland just to try to unload some merchandise. Oh yeah. What are you doing there? I don't know. Are we all going to visit Laura? So I think I'll have a beer.

Man, you've been throwing rocks today. I don't know. He seriously has been just daggers. You'll hear it. It's a very intense energy. I think this is the closest I've been to you when you've done the introduction and I've felt it in my body.

You can feel the heat, right? I think it's when you're within an eyeline of the Emmy and there's a black belt next to it right that is the thing there is a black belt next to donovan i'm gonna take a photo of it i'll post it for the listeners because this is uh very on brand for you guys donovan brought a fucking black black belt that says master which i love that i love that he brought that here yeah into the dojo he came to the dojo and brought a dojo with his own belt man that's how you know he's on some other shit yeah i fuck with that as soon as he left we were watching

skate videos we watched donovan versus sean walto it was awesome man yeah they will have heard this by then oh yeah sean's my absolute favorite skateboarder of all time that's how we knew i'm near beat him we were rooting against him hard dude we wanted to know that oh that's right you guys don't know who wins those you don't't know. Yeah, we've done them. I've studied those also in the fortress of solitude. It's not in the fortress for the first time, but on the podcast for the first time. Sorry for shouting at you. This is how I

talk. Marissa moved a little bit often imitate. What's the often imitate? Often imitate. The master of the ones and twos. Master of disaster. Master disaster.

The fourth member of the good vibes gang. Marissa Melnick. Hello. At Mars Mel on Twitter. Yes. And Mars dot Mel on Instagram. At Mars dot Mel on Instagram. How are you doing?

I'm doing very good. Hell yeah. I realize it's very different from listening to your voices in headphones versus being in front of you and just having your voice projected right at me. The wind. It's like truly an experience feeling it versus just hearing my headphones. Thank you. We're in talks at Universal for a ride.

It's just us shouting at you. Welcome! Welcome to Universal's raft! Whatever new fire movie is out now. Yeah, I don't like the cans. I don't like the headphones. Look at Mr. Industry terms over here. The cans, dude.

The headphones. They call them cans. Twisted knobs. Wow. Shaved his face. All of a sudden he's throwing words like cans around. Now somebody went to DeVry all of a sudden. Titer cross, dude.

Titer cross. This has never been tighter. What's popping? What's been been tighter. What's popping? What's been going on? What's popping? Yeah, what's your day? That's a good question. Oh, I went to the park today.

I'm dog sitting this weekend. That was nice. I had two glasses of wine to prepare myself for this podcast. All right. It was a nice Chablis. I have no idea. I just like saying Chablis most of all. Was it a Chablis? I don't know. What about a Gewitzerablis, most of all. Was it a Chablis?

I don't know. It was a red wine. It was very nice, gifted from a friend of mine. And yeah, just, you know, mixing, recording. It's my life. Yeah, mix it and master. I'm having a 32 ounce glass of champagne right now. I'm about to have one myself. Feels great. It's a champagne.

Yes. You must enjoy a meal of high life. It's made in the champagne region of Illinois, actually. A lot of people don't know that. It's a champagne. Yes. You must enjoy a meal of high life. It's made in the champagne region of Illinois. A lot of people don't know that. There is a champagne region of Illinois. I know. They should start growing wine there so they can call it champagne. Come on, man. I'm not the only one.

I also am a professional comedian. Hustling. Hustling. Hustling. Bustling. A lot of people don't talk about bustling anymore. People bustle less and less these days. I bustle.

I'm kidding. I was bustling last night a little bit. You were bustling? A little bit. Okay. Tussling too. We were tussling. We were tussling.

Dave and I were getting physical last night. We were getting pretty physical. Some skylarking, some rabble rousing. Yeah, yeah. Tomfoolery. I was over here snusseling, which was like snuggling and rustling at the same time. I was in my bed alone. A little snuggle crow over there.

Alone. Is that like Russell Crowe? Kind of, but it was a real stretch. It was a stretch. Yeah, yeah. It's a hard bowl of cereal to eat that one. I understand, man. You bounce back with a cereal thing, though.

It's like a big bowl of grape nuts, you know? Oh, you. A lot of people like grape nuts. I like grape nuts. Cool. We vote, too. Well, we have voted. Mars, you like grape nuts? vote too well we have voted Mars you like grape nuts?

could vote I haven't tried them so yeah when you know you have to have them hot okay like with hot milk you put the milk in there

and you put the whole thing in the microwave nobody ever believes me Ian looks angry it's great I'll try them I like them cold but you know what I mean

there's no wrong way to eat raisins is it like raisins or actual grapes? It's like... Neither one. It's a very... That's the weirdest...

It's a confounding cereal. That is the weirdest part. It's like... It feels like eating gravel a little bit. Yeah, and it looks like dog food. Great. I might get it tomorrow. To bounce back from this hangover.

You're going to get some grape nuts? Maybe I'll get some grape nuts. And then some Greg nuts, dude. I see Pete rapped about grape nuts quite a bit. Yeah. I wonder if anyone's going to think something went wrong. I think people will definitely look at their phones like, oh, shit. No, it's still going. Anytime that happens, I think I'm getting a phone call.

I'm like, oh God. Oh, Kanye. That is a bummer when you're listening to something and then just the phone rings. You're like, it's never good. It's never a fun call. It's always like, my social security has been compromised. Oh yeah.

Use an 800 number to tell me that? I feel so bad for my grandpa because he falls for it every time. And when I was out there, I'd take care of him. I would just grab the phone and be like, fucking knock it off, dude. That's what's so fucked up is they're trying to take advantage of people. And these were people, not robots or whatever calling. They were people calling.

And I'm like, everyone's got to work. I get that. But come on. What are you, just stealing? I heard of this new scam where they're targeting elderly people. They will find out their sons or daughters' names, and then they'll call them pretending to have kidnapped their son or daughter and asking them for a ransom just based off having their name.

And a lot of them make money that way. That is heartless. When I was a kid, I called and left a fake ransom message to my mom and she flipped called the cops and everything i called what was your voice i just was messed i go i was like kelly we have your son and i don't know how the fuck she believed i'd love to hear it now how old was it what was it a little boy saying yeah i was like nine and i just i would love to listen to that message now and be like mom come, come on. That's what you thought? That's what you called the cops on? But also, you were playing.

That game, I don't see an end to that. I just wanted to watch the world burn, man. Yeah. What was going on? That was dark, Sean. I was staring at him. Did you call him from the comedy store? First time I went to the comedy store.

You know what? You want to know how I got these scars? Kick flipping on the board, bouncing back up and hitting me in the shin. Right there. Right there. God, this one on my shin. I remember calling Laura like, hey, cut my shin a little bit. There's like a two inch divot out of my shin.

Yeah. God, I was such. She looked at it. She's like, go to the fucking doctor. You want to hear my Joker impression? My Joker, but he sold out to advertising. You want to... Hold on.

Do you want to... Do you want to know how I got these cars? Auto trader. God bless America. You got him. Oh, he's got him. He You got him. You got him. Oh, he's got him. He's got him. So, I think I'll have a

beer. David Borey, you know him as the GS Island on Twitter. Hey. You know him as CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. That's what you know. I have no earthly idea when this is coming out. I will say, you know. I'd say November 14th, probably.

Wow. November 14th? Okay, so my special comes out tomorrow. Have had watched it. Woo! Yeah, watch that. And then on Saturday, go see me co-host the Eric Andre show at Adult Swim Festival. Well, hell yeah. That's in LA. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be going to that. Hell yeah. I'll see you there. host the Eric Andre show at Adult Swim Festival.

Well, hell yeah. That's in LA. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be going to that. Hell yeah. I'll see you there. Marissa's coming. It's going to be dope. I can't imagine that we're not going, right? Vince Staples is going to be there. You know, if everything's going to be all that. Yeah. You can finally fight Vince Staples. If I'm not on set, you know what I mean? And then,

yeah, ericandretour.com for the rest of those north american dates and then december north america i'm downtown swinging who knows what i'm doing in december we're gonna record a bunch of these we have we've actually earmarked a very special thing for december you know we might uh we might get in the studio dude oh. Oh, yes, we have here, Mark. We might have a Christmas song for y'all. We might have. Oh, nice. And let's just say the song is like, I like my bacon. Sodium free.

Oh, yeah. Turkey. Are you going to fuck with turkey bacon? Yeah, I like it. I like it mostly growing up. On account of the Judaism. That's not really why. We're not going to show. Uh bacon? Yeah, I like it. I like turkey. I hate it mostly growing up. On account of the Judaism. That's not really why. We're not going to share.

Uh-huh. That's right. 100%. Remitz and everything. Yeah. Uh-huh. Ew. My name is Ian Carmel.

At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Chase. Not Chase. Is that? Jewish. That Chase. Jewish. What credit card did I just get? Capital One? No.

No. No. Check and mate, my friend. It doesn't always work. Capital John? Capital June? Capital June. Capital Juan. That's my credit card yeah

uh i also have nothing coming up watch the late late show listen to all fantasy everything please i'm sure we'll be returning to the stage at some point uh keep an eye on that yeah i never left yeah i did yeah man i did stand up last night and it's been it's been a long time since i've done like actual stand up. How'd you do? I think it went well. He opened with a story about his mom breaking her neck. Oh, nice.

But it worked. I can't wait to hear that. I've been trying to like figure out, there is so much stuff in there like that can be material. I just don't know quite how to give such heavy news. Yeah. Cause I had to keep going like,'s she's okay she's okay i mean that could be part of the thing you it gets laughs you just keep going back to it yeah again

not to dissect the right now i'm glad your bits are working my shit is not no you had a good set the other night oh yeah but the one joke i want to work is not doing it sounds like my love life. Hell! Guys, get Hibs. I've always wanted to take a Viagra just to see what's up with it. I saw a fight over that one time. Over what?

In ninth grade at Grandview. Was it a boner fight? Yeah, ninth grade at Grandview High it a boner fight yeah ninth grade at grandview high school my friend my friend my friend darian took uh i shouldn't be saying these kids names my friend my friend took uh capital joan yeah he took he took a viagra and he told people and then we were upstairs and this other kid who hated him, Dirk, was like, he was like in front of the library. He was like, this nigga took a Viagra. How old were you?

13. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. And then they fought right there in front of the library. But it was because everybody looked. God, that's so tight. They fought, and one of them got a boner the whole time? One of them had a boner the whole time.

Wow. It was a boner fight. It was a boner fight. A boner fight. It was a boner fight, boner fight. Why'd you take a Viagra and go to school? That's a weird move. That's the thing.

You're like, you know, what do you... Also, can you even tell the difference? When you were that age, you could get a boner whenever. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I always had a boner anyways. All right. We're all three quarters here.

It's the lunch line. Yeah, you could get a boner like in a dump. You know what I mean? Like in a boy's bathroom. I get boners off of weird smells. Yeah. What is that, sulfur? Gah!

I got to sit down. Yeah. Yeah. Boner stuff, dude. That kind of podcast of podcast is that kind of podcast there we go uh we were gathered here today in the fortress of solitudes not only to talk about boners david's friends got back in the 90s i like the cherry on top back in the 90s. Oh, that's so funny, man. But we have finally come together as a family unit, all four of us.

Oh, man, dude. All on mics for the first time ever to fantasy draft, as we do on all fantasy everything, bucket list items. Yeah. An idea suggested by our own Mars Mel. Hell yeah. And one that I think is fantastic and it's crazy we haven't done yet. Yeah, it's a good one too because

I don't feel like we're going to be competing for too much stuff. No, I mean I don't know, kissing Tony Hawk on the cheek is probably on all of our lists. You better get it early. Hi. I tell you, I really like everyone in this room a whole bunch. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I'm not too crazy. Shut the fuck up. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. I'm shooting up. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Dog, I've been winning with scissors the last four times.

I think it's rigged, man. You're on a hot streak, dude. Also, it's pretty rude that you didn't just let Marissa win. I kind of feel that way as well. I didn't want to. Weird. I tried. Weird.

Okay. You know. Word. That's cool, man. Let's wear her stuff. Can I, as the winner, can I let Marissa choose the order? I think you can. Yeah.

We're going to do that. Oh, my God. As the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it isn't coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question.

I've been usurped. It's all that boner talk. She did sheclackity the other day, too. Whoa, man. It's all happening. She did. It was tight. If you single white female me, that will be one of the greatest moves of all time.

Oh. You get success. Is that David or Marissa? I cannot. They're wearing NBA all-star basketball shorts, but I can't quite make it out. Is there like a football field away? I got to get a closer look. No idea.

So, Serb, it's funny you don't know this person. Go on. What it is, like but I got to get a closer look. No idea. So it's funny. They don't know this person. So go on what it is. Like, let's say I have a zoom recorder. So I'm just trying to put this in Marissa terms. Cause you, you do know you're familiar with the world.

So if you have a zoom recorder and then there's the first microphone level and you're kind of adjusting it, you get where you want. Then you go to the second level, third level, fourth level, you adjust it and you look at it. You have everyone check it.

Seems okay. But the fourth is a little off. So then you adjust the fourth a little bit. Then you realize you're like, well, I guess, you have everyone check it. Seems okay, but the fourth is a little off. So then you adjust the fourth a little bit. Then you realize, you're like, well, I guess I got to adjust the third, the second, the first as well. And then you're like, mic check again. You think everything's good. David screams and you're like, well, he's going to be doing that the

whole time. So you adjust the first one a little bit more. And then again, you go like Ian, do it again. And Ian's trying to match the energy. So you got to adjust the second. And I'm just crying at this point because I'm like, can we just draft? I got stuff to do. energy so you got to adjust the second. And I'm just crying at this point because I'm like, can we just draft? I got stuff to do.

And so you adjust mine a little bit and then you adjust the fourth. And you just kind of go back and forth like probably 50 times to get everything correct just to make sure it works. Is that how many times it takes for you to get all the levels correct?

Yeah, I'm not very smart. Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. I can't read. You went ahead and explained it perfectly. Yeah, that was a really good explanation. I was going to say that was like your best one in a long time. I'm not even going to follow it up. You brought ahead and explained it perfectly. Yeah, that was a really good explanation. You really did that tough. I was going to say that was like your best one in a long time. I'm not even going to follow it up. You brought your end game from ours.

Yeah. Yeah. I like it. All right. I wasn't sure if he was because he was just speaking my language that I understood. It made sense to us, too. It felt like he was speaking his language. I do have one follow-up question.

When you said, I got to stop messing with it because I got stuff to do. What stuff? Nothing. Oh, okay. Hang out with you guys harder. Like not on a mic. You just got to tighten up that cross. Watch some YouTube videos and crack into the whiskey instead of the champagne.

And, you know, probably take a shower. I put my 40 in the freezer. Going to get in about 10 minutes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or the podcast wraps up and then it's shattered. And it explodes. And it busts shrapnel all over my face.

And I go to the party like that. That's a Miami night. That is Miami. Like, yeah, I've lived here for a while. I can't feel my face anyway, so it's fine. Marissa, with that in mind, the perfectly explained serpentine rules, what will be one of today's draft pick?

Fuck yeah. The order will be Sean, David, me, Ian. Okay. Hot corner. Double hot corner. I like being, I like fuck yeah the order will be Sean David me Ian okay hot corner double hot corner I like being I like sticking it in the middle that's probably not the one I can think of a cooler way to say that

but like you do like to stick it in the middle yeah I do like I like it I like it also I used to do a little but the little didn't do it so the little got more and more alright so that is the order sean david marissa ian uh which means sean you are presently on the clock for bucket list items but before you make that pick we're gonna take a short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35 now microdosing is an absolute game changer i have never heard a bad

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you could save that's policygenius.com and we're back I don't know when that turned into a thing but that's like it's my favorite thing I know exactly what's gonna happen happen, and I love it. That's how you know something's truly funny, when you 100% know what's going to go on, and it still gets you.

The draft topic is bucket list items. The draftees, Sean Jordan, David Borey, Marissa Meldick, Eden Carmel. Sean Jordan, you have the first pick. So with the first pick, you are now on the clock. I'd like to get paid to go overseas and perform. That is on my bucket list. Yeah, you could do that too.

Get paid to cross an ocean and perform, hopefully this very thing that we're doing right now. Yeah. Have you considered like doing stand up on cruise ships? Would that count? Dog. Stand up on seas. So when you do that, because I've had a couple of people be like, hey, submit. You got to be squeaky clean. Doing stand-up on cruise ships? Would that count? Dog. Stand-up on seas.

So when you do that, because I've had a couple people be like, hey, submit. You've got to be squeaky clean. You can't socialize with anyone on the ship. It would suck so bad. I would do it. Fraternize. Yeah, you can't fraternize with anyone. I also heard it's hard because people come every night. So they'll come to the show over and over again.

Oh, yeah. Same people for like two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can come to the show over and over again. Oh yeah. So you can't just be doing the same hour. There will be children there sometimes, like 11-year-olds. Stuff like that. I remember submitting once and this dude, they hit me back and they're like, this is absolutely not clean enough. And I'm like, it doesn't get cleaner for me.

So I don't know where we go from here. What was your filthiest joke on there? I can't remember what it was. I probably have it somewhere. It was a set that I did for Livewire. So you have to be clean. Yeah, already on the radio. I had a Santa hat on when I did the set. That's how clean it was. That was the audience.

With that filthy material. Yeah, dude. Satan was on the left shoulder. Yeah, I just want to get paid to go to London and do stand-up or perform or something. It just seems so fun. With the bruvs? Yeah, and that would just be a good little notch in the belt. That'd be tight, yeah. Yeah, I did that.

That'd probably be a first for all of us. I've been overseas to work, and I performed while there, but it was there for the explicit purpose of the trip. I've only been to Montreal. Yeah, see, Canada and continental doesn't count. I want to go over an ocean. You want to cross an ocean. Because you really want to be on an airplane for know, continental doesn't count. I want to go over an ocean.

You want to cross an ocean. To the far east. Because you really want to be on an airplane for that long is the main reason. I want to see how I'm going to do when I have to fly. I'll go to Australia eventually. Those puddle jumpers, man, they're way more comfortable than regular planes, than domestic planes. All right, fuck me. A puddle jumper is a small plane.

No, you're right, they're massive. A puddle jumper is a small plane, not a big plane. That's true. Yeah, but like the ones that the big ones, those big ones scared the shit out of me. I was going from Seattle to Portland, which should be the easiest flight on the planet. It's like 29 minutes.

And I took a nap and we landed. It was great. Sorry. It's a shitty flight. No, it was a shitty flight. It was going to be a shittier story about the shitty flight. See that? Best friends. That's one of the classic stories.

Buckle your nuts down. Get ready for this one. That's how D.B. Cooper hijacking that plane. Nothing ever happens interesting on a flight between Seattle and Portland. I'll tell you, the two stewardesses in the back were really acting like they were not at work. It was pretty well just like screaming. I knew everything about these two girls by the end of the flight.

And it's tricky because you're like, when do you tell a flight attendant to be quiet? You can't do that. That's crazy. You're like, hey, we're going to send and hit me up on Facebook one time. Get out of town. I didn't tell you. I thought I told you guys about that. No, David.

Actually, it does sound vaguely familiar. When I came back from Norway, the flight attendant. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, when I was coming back from Norway two years ago, I guess, I was talking to this dude who happened to know my friend Andrew Holmgren from stand-up. And me and this guy talked like the whole time. And I was getting drunk.

And then I came back to America. and one of the flight attendants was like hey funny man no way yeah yeah wow that is sick dude that was pretty cool i love that yeah i just want to get paid to go perform overseas that would be a big accomplishment you know tell that to my mom where will i so is london number one do you think or melbourne london london I have this fantasy about, I want to go to London so bad. I don't know why. I just want to go.

It seems great. Let's go. I wanted to go when you were there. I want to go so bad. I'm thinking like realistically, maybe like after the new year, like after shit comes down. I want like a week off in the spring

if we want to do like a bruv trip. I would be thrilled about that. Dude. Bruv. You're a bruv, by the way. Yeah, you're a bruv. I have a hoodie that says bruvs on it, too. Bruvs is a universal term for anybody who rules.

Bruvs is gender neutral, for sure. It's like me nights. You know they do like, you could go to Seoul, and they have expat cafes and stuff, you can go do that. Yeah, a lot of places. Yeah, Seoul, the birthplace of Taekwondo, which is where the kooky one is, which is where pack cafes and stuff you can go do that yeah a lot of canadians to do that shit yeah soul the birthplace of taekwondo which is where the kooky one is also where uh all of the like black belt

certificates and things come from so really my black belt certificate is from the kooky one in soul south korea also soul is where they founded the motown sound all stew in it if you go to the if you come from what is the kooky one like a I don't know the way I

it's like a it's just a big building I think so if you work there are you a kooky monster there it is I was like fortune kooky monster

hand me the I think I should probably hand you the black belt for that one so get paid to go overseas and perform. Excellent pick. David Borey, time for your first pick. I don't care how bad this sounds.

I know what it is. I know what it is. I want to do it in a helicopter over New York City. That doesn't sound bad. It's not at all where I thought you were going. Sounds like the coolest thing in the world. You ever see helicopters, specifically when they're going over New York City,

and it's always on some super rich guy shit? I've watched Billions, I know. Yeah, Billions or Succession or whatever. Now imagine doing it. And doing it well. I wouldn't be doing it well because I'd be in a helicopter. Would you have headphones on

so you could talk? Are you close? Am I close? No, I'm on a helicopter, David. I won't be finishing up here. You just gotta get like a helicopter pilot.

It'll be like taxicab confessions, but the one time it happened like a helicopter pilot who's just like it'll be like taxi cab confessions but the one time it happened in a helicopter or at this point it could be drone powered I guess I don't know just whatever above I'd be worried about the helicopter rocking and it getting destabilized I'm not trying to put up

marathon numbers it's not like a full session. It would be cool if you fucked a helicopter out of the sky, though. Whoa. Well, thanks, Ian. So now I can't have my second pick. Which brings me to my. Yes.

Because you're just going to say stuff. I was going to do a whole story with my. David's got a bucket day. I just. A helicopter over New York City is what I consider the top of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. Yeah.

What did you think it was going to be? Something that might happen. Oh, you don't know, man. You don't know. I'm the voice of Comedy Central. Anything could happen. Surely someone's fucked in a helicopter over New York City. Somebody's fucked.

Are you kidding me? I'm probably our president. Whoa. I go, David, let me get a, you know, let me get a soundbite.

Like it's me on comedy central. He goes, ladies and gentlemen, watch comedy central presents David Borey tonight. Said it right to my face. Motherfucker. I'm pretty funny. Yeah.

I think it's just, and just, I've always wanted to go like, have you ever been in a New York? I don't, I'm scared. I'm scared of them. Yeah. I'm it's just, and just I've always wanted to go, like, have you ever been in a New York helicopter? You're scared of helicopters, dude. I'm scared of them. Yeah. I'm afraid of helicopters.

No, I'm afraid of anything. I'm afraid of helicopters a little bit. They fucking crash a lot. They crash a lot. I like, they need to be, for me to get in it would need to be a double engine because single engine helicopters crash a startling amount of the time. Really? It would need to be double engine and it would have to be for like a really good reason they're just it's like a i'm not like afraid of it really but it's just like a risk yeah that you don't want it then i'm like why would i take it you know what i mean like how

many times has it come up where you've had to be like no i will not like a couple times for work i didn't know that what a fucking gangster yeah and it just opted out because it was like or you don't have to it was always like do you want to come and i was like no okay yeah it'd be tricky i would want to go like on a grand also you don't want to have sex in front of your boss that's true or with jim jam too bad you invited me dude it's hard to not take advantage of why we're doing up here why'd you invited me, dude. It's hard to not take advantage of one of my... Is that not what we're doing up here? Why'd you invite me?

You're just the whole way up. You're like, we're really going to put this on the show? I don't know what you're talking about. This doesn't seem like something that would go. You're the boss. It is the James Corden show. You make hit TV shows. Here we go.

All right. All right. All right. Dude in a helicopter over New York City. Over New York City. Marissa Malnick, your first pick. My first pick is to experience getting mauled by a litter of puppies. Oh my gosh. All at the same time.

We could make that happen. That is so rad. That would be so warm. What kind of puppies? Maybe like a golden retriever type, like a very happy puppy. That's the so warm. What kind of puppies? Maybe like a golden retriever type. That's what I was thinking about. That's the cutest thing. How many are we talking?

I'd say like a dozen. It's got to be 12 or up. Yeah, yeah. Like completely covered, licks everywhere. Man, that would be crazy. They get so excited because they're playing. So they're like, ah, you know, so they're into it too. God, that would be.

Like the amount of warmth and excitement you get from just from playing with one puppy to multiply that by 12, it just feels like... And it'd be everywhere. I would be fulfilled for months. It feels like that should be some type of like therapy. I bet it kind of is. At Bumbershoot one year, they had like in the performer tent, you could just go hang out with a puppy or a kitty.

They had a big pit. Excuse me. Sorry. That was so gross. Thank you. Sorry. Don't make it louder. Turn up the heat.

Oh, I feel another burp coming on. I'm going to have to listen to my waiter. Just imagine if they were that aggressive. You're like, yeah, I'll have the I'll have the I'll have the tuna. Laura, I just have a feeling about about you. Also, in your fantasy, you order tuna tartare. Why was that? Why did you pick that i don't know

i do you want to know where i've never you want to know where it came from it came from the social network justin timberlake he goes he goes well um what's your favorite drink she goes appletini he goes for those the tuna tartare that's that's why i thought of it because that's what it says in the social network oh man that made me laugh so hard. I thought he was going to pass out for a second. I think he might have popped a blood vessel. He was fanning himself. That loud bird thing.

It was blah. It was just blah. That sounds like Gwar singing. It's like in Hitch when Will Smith gets like uh when he has that allergic reaction to the seafood and he's trying to clear okay please don't do it yeah i won't um but it's so funny all violet or puppies a bunch of puppies yeah whenever i watch a video of someone else getting that experience like it just fills me with such joy. I bet we could get that going soon. Yeah, we're going to figure it out.

Okay, how do we get that? Postmates it. We're all puppies. And then Postmates another person to come pick them up after. I think there are services that do offer it for corporate events, but it's kind of like... They're both incorporated. Yeah, we're both incorporated.

This could be a dual corporate event right now. That would be so amazing. I'm allergic to the dogs, and I would still do that. I would swell up like a pumpkin afterwards, but I'd be into it. So would your heart. Yeah. But medically, actually. But also, it'd be rough.

It'd be a tough few days. For sure, it'd be an emergency room visit. For sure. What about a bunch of little huskies, like little dire wolves all over you? Ooh, huskies, that's a great one. I'm going to be honest, if you look up

dog puppy mall, it's not going to bring up what you're talking about. Oddly enough, David just had it looked up already. Oh yeah, I had it in bookmark.

Graphic content. Puppy mall, I think that's a very good pick. It's time for my first and second picks. As it is. as it is. My first one, this is a dream I've had ever since I started

doing comedy. I would like to sell out the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland, Oregon. It's the theater. If you know Portland at all, it's the one that has the big Portland sign coming off it. Downtown as fuck. It's downtown as fuck. It's the big, auspicious venue. How many seats is it? It's like 2,800 or something like that downtown as fuck it's the big auspicious venue how many seats is it it's like 2800 or something like that it's about three grand i think that's i think that'll

happen sooner than me getting paid 1600 yeah as you say how many seats is rev hall 800 you know i'm just saying maybe i i maybe we really push maybe i just it would be such a fucking dream because there's not like outside of playing like the Rose garden or the motor center or like whatever, which is fine. That doesn't really, I would not want to do comedy in a place like that anyway. Intimate or whatever the word I'm looking for is. It's the opposite.

Yeah. What am I, what am I trying to say? It's too out to me. Yeah. Also the schnitz kind of begs you to dress up a little bit so it would be fun I don't know that I've ever done this but stand up where people aren't like

absolutely shit faced like where everyone's like I want a glass of wine but I'm here for the stand up like I really want I'm sure but it's like the schnitz like as I've been there for a few things and every time I'm like I gotta look okay it's a classy place no shorts or any of that like i'm just i gotta look decent

and it's like it's not anything like anyone else would pick really again but like it is the it's the like main thing it's like the thing i want to do most as far as like live performance goes it would be like a dream come true just to see your name just to go out after the show and be like man what a fun feeling i just want to waltz into the green room like, oh, flowers. From the venue? That's how it is when you do that fancy stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a fruit plate.

The owner comes in and shakes your hand, just wants to meet you. You take a shower before you're set. Yeah, the mayor's there. Dude, I've been showering in venues. It's a weird scene. I've never showered in a venue. Yeah, David's been taking showers at the spots. Yeah, on the Eric Andre tour, it's been weird. Yeah, that's a good pick, Ian.

Yeah. Playing the schnitz. Yeah, playing the schnitz. You couldn't tell me anything after that. They have that huge, like, wraparound marquee that would have your name on it. And then you could just look down the street and be like, the Brody's right down there.

It is. There it is. Yeah. If I've come 10 blocks, if I haven't come 20 years and 90 miles, you know what i mean yeah yeah like looking that'd be a crazy thing such a poetic thing yeah just walking past the brody on your way and be like the brody is the very smaller venue where kind of we all started

but he and yeah spearheaded like the stand-up shows at the brody started a mic there that's where we all like that where you guys had funny over everything uh no we did that at uh hollywood theater yeah but uh a show called fly-Ass Jokes at the Brody that was there for like a long time afterwards. And then like started a mic as well that I hosted. Like the first times I ever did stand up. Yeah. Where at a mic, I was like,

you're supposed to do material in between every comedian. Like a prick. Oh, God. So yeah, playing the schnitz is my first pick. I like it. And then my second one could also happen to the schnitz as far as I care, but at some point, probably later in life.

They can't fly a helicopter in the schnitz. I would love to fucking a helicopter in the schnitz. Man, now we're talking. A helicopter in a building? I want to fly a helicopter in the schnitz. What's happening? Just hovering. I would love to play Tevye in a production of Fiddler on the Roof at some point.

Oh. The father from Fiddler on the Roof. I think I would have a great time playing. We could get you into that. I think we could. Some kind of off-off-Broadway first? Like off, like way into Portland off-Broadway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, I feel like you could go, if you wanted to, you could become the king of... Off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off- clackety and now she's never going to give it up. I got the juice now. She's over his dead body right now. She planted a Canadian flag in his mouth. This is so gnarly. Oh shit, now she's straight on the electric guitar and we've all forgotten about David. He's old news. She's single white

femaleed him. It's done. He's David now. Oh, man. I'm punched. Yeah, man. Tavia and filler on the roof. Yeah. What?

So a night must scramble for a living. Feed his wife and children. Say his daily prayers. You know that did. And if you guys. Nope. I'm still not back. He's still offline. I, that did. And if you guys. Nope. I'm still not back. Yeah, he's still offline.

I don't know. It takes a minute. I don't know. The computer's got to reboot sometimes. I was trying to do the Sean bit, but then I didn't know that guy's name. I didn't know it was Tevye. And if you thought Topol or Zero Mostel was in the house. Yeah, that was the bit.

For some reason, I was thinking Burt Reynolds. And then I was like, that can't be. If you thought Burt Reynolds was in can't be that can't be right if i want a rich man not broadway again i'm not trying to take that kind of money out of people's pockets but if it's somewhere where you're paying 20 bucks or less for the ticket i could be your tevye and i want to do it one day. I would just love to do it. I have a little break from whatever projects. It would be fun to be like, yeah, I'm in fucking Lake Oswego

playing Tevye. Come check it out. I'd like that. So those are my first two picks. Marissa, time for your second pick. My second pick would be to, okay, so I love Breaking Bad. I love the new film that just came out. That was the continuation of it.

On my list, I really want to spectate a high-level drug deal in a desert. You're making David picks over here. That is a great pick. You are a single white female in David. That's sick.

I want to be one of those people that come out of the cars. They don't talk. They wear sunglasses. Yeah. And they just like lean on the car spectating the entire deal. I want to be that person. You know how fucking scared I'd be? If you got out of the car at a drug deal, I'd be like, she must be gnarly.

Well, she not. That girl is crazy. Man, that's a great pic. The shit pops off and you pull out the beat sabers. My God. You. So I've done that before impressive you are so ridiculously good at my new favorite game that game's like changed my life it's now giving me like a cardio workout so i feel like so much better playing it like by the end of it that's awesome yeah i'm kind of getting over overwatch because like overwatch i'm like i'm bad at overwatch now so i keep losing games i'll get frustrated oh and so i just switched to

beat saver where i feel good after i play yeah and not like fucking like post video game yeah and i get a good sweat good workout it's a really fun game to play what system is that for it's on all vr okay, okay. Yeah, I tried it one time. Seems like it's going to be, I tried like the easiest setting, but you just feel so cool. Nobody didn't think that. Nobody thought I was like a savant.

You started on expert. Just based on everything that had led up to that moment. Everything I know about myself, I was like, I'll probably fucking kill this. You just feel so cool though. Like I felt like I was dancing.

I felt like I had rhythm. You kind of get into a rhythm. What kind of songs were there? I know so little about it other than that you play it. Uh, so I mean, it's really hard to license songs for virtual reality games just because there's such a lack of people who own virtual reality games. They can't be like, oh yeah, we can, we don't sweat 50 grand for the song. Yeah.

Right. Beat Saber is the number one selling vr game and i could be wrong but i think it's only sold like a million copies oh wow okay and that's like the number one selling game um so they the two makers of the game one of them is a composer and so he composed a lot of like the edm music for it and then they've licensed uh some imagine dragons they recently just added the one that i did panic at the disco oh added Panic at the Disco. Panic! I like Panic at the Disco. But they added

only four songs and they're all new songs. Oh, they don't have... What's the one, the big hit? I turn and I don't know if you people ever heard of Closing the Goddamn Door. No! That's Fall Out Boy, isn't it? No.

Fall Out Boy is Be't it? No. No. Fall Out Boy is... Be the friction in your dreams. Isn't it messed up? How I'm just tired of being here. I'm just a notch on your bedpost. But you're just a line in a song. Drop a heart. Break a name.

We're always... We're the wrong team. break a name we're always we're going down down and sugar we're going down swinging be a number

one with a bullet loaded gun complex yeah that's all okay yeah you just they were

used to pretend to not like that song goes I was like it they were reading my whole tattoo did not like that song that song goes i was like it was like at a time very much where i was defining myself by the music yeah yeah that i'd always be like this song's dumb and i'd be in the car going hammer that song is so good that dude is an amazing singer he is amazing singer you know what song i fucking go off to is my chemical romance dude the black parade yeah you do oh yeah when i was a young boy that part oh man you know you know my father

took me into you know that part of the city to see a marching band you know that part of the song. He said, someone, you grow up, will you be, it's that part of the song, the savior of the broken, the beaten. It's just like, it keeps going like that. And the damned. It's just a little bit like that.

Oh, man. That, dude, to do that to somebody, that's so funny. Outside, like if you did that to like Sue or something.

That's so funny. Oh, man. Yeah to like Sue or something. That's so funny. Oh man. Yeah, I like that shine down song. Yeah, a high level drug deal in the desert. Oh yeah, that's what we were talking about. Would you want things to pop off? Maybe just like a mild pop off. Yeah, yeah.

Where guns come out. Yeah. But then it's like cool. This isn't what I asked for. Like you're missing, you're short. And then there's like somewhat of an altercation there. But then it gets settled. It gets settled.

Nothing too crazy. I don't want any guns going out. What if you were on a mesa? But not, no shots. Gun drawn. Okay, that's fair. What kind of gun do you have in this scenario? Ooh, I would imagine just like a little mini pistol like a high that I don't know how to

use. See, I was thinking of you as like having a desert eagle. Oh. Like a cannon. Whoa. Like a desert eagle. Like a cannon. Whoa. Like a blaster. Like it makes a noise when it looks. Yeah, those things.

Have you ever seen one in real life? Oh, yeah. It's like a, it's, it's. And you're British while you're pointing it. Only while you're pointing it though. But like, yeah. But like that. He's asking about, I don't know, isn't it? Isn't it, bro?

We should get some guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a gun house now yeah pretty crazy cool yeah there's one behind this rashid wallace we're gonna do a gun house real quick in this house dude uh david time for your second pick i want to make a compound in sierra leone oh yeah you do yeah like it's like pretty common there i just gotta enough money, which I think it's probably cheaper than buying a house here, but I want it to be like, you know, brick walls surrounding like, you know, I mean, I don't know, six or seven houses or something for my whole family. And then whoever wants to come by, you mean like a for real compound, like a

for real compound, not a for real compound, which is why he ends up walking around, but I got a pat on the back for that. It was good. I like the Pharrell compound. I like the Pharrell compound. I today feels the most like if these microphones weren't here, we'd be still having the exact same conversation. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. Yeah. I hurt. My body hurts. Yeah. But no, we've talked about this plenty. That's what sparked that is because we've talked about this. Yeah, I talk about it all the time.

I think it's very doable. And I want it to be like up to date, like just like running water and fucking satellite TV and Internet and just like serious. Start the shower. Yeah, exactly. And just like hold it down. Yeah. The whole family. For sure. Yeah, I think

that'd be pretty cool. How much family he has in Sierra Leone? How much family he has? It's not a funny question. I wouldn't be laughing if Ian didn't say it, how Ian says things from the kitchen. How much family do you have in Sierra Leone, David?

I don't know. Probably 100 deep. Really? Wow. They're all there. I think my whole family is probably like 40 people or so. I don't know. Shit. I mean, I got... So my grandpa took in a lot of people. So we have a lot of aunts and uncles

who aren't like... But they're family. Yeah, they're family. How do you figure out who makes the cut? It's hard. Ian went and drink some hard hitting juice in there everybody like it's like the way our family works is like they all kind of live together so yeah it's not like it would be like consolidating like four or five different households okay Okay. So like the Lannisters and the Starks. So it would be like the Boreys, the Davies family, and then like that would probably be just those two families.

Your name could have been David Davies? What? Nothing. It was another shitty joke. You said your name could have been David Davies? I'll repeat it. No, David's not my first name. Oh, you're correct.

Yeah. Certainly correct. One of my best friends on the planet. I apologize. You can even's not my first name. Oh, you're correct. Certainly correct. One of my best friends on the planet. I apologize. You can even say he's certainly correct. It feels like you punched my heart in the face. I apologize deeply for that. No, it's cool, man. Tight.

Doesn't feel like it's cool. Doesn't feel like it's cool. I'm fine. I totally feel like it was her last pick, actually. Tense. Yeah. or does it feel cool? I'm fine. Does it feel like it's cool in here? It totally feels like her last pick, actually. It's tense. Yeah. Uh-oh. You stop pointing that gun at my dad!

Man, we had a little standoff in here. Can you call it a Mexican standoff? That's what it was popularly known as, but now it feels like it has to be racist. It has to be racist. It feels racist. It has to be. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know why, but it has to be. I feel like if my grandpa was in here, he'd be like, well, goddamn right, you can call that. I'm like, oh, so it be racist. It has to be. Yeah. I mean, I don't know why, but it has to be. Like, I feel like if my grandpa was in here, he'd be like, well, goddamn right, you can call that. I'm like, oh, so it is racist. Right. Are you sure it's racist? Maybe it's like a French blowjob.

Have we explained that on here yet? No, I don't think so. What is a French blowjob? Anal sex. We just started calling it a French blowjob. That was a car bit. Yeah, that was like on the way to Palm Springs or something. Oh no, it was on tour. Yeah.

Never mind. That was a car bit. I shouldn't have said it. I mean, it's hilarious. It'll, you know, it's the funniest way to say it. I think we should have just told the Patreon members that one just chime in with tiny little things. By the way, if you want to get on our level,

anal sex is called a French blowjob. Bye. Uh, Sian, time for your second and third picks as tis. A serpentine. I would like to fly my mother out to watch me do a late night set. That is,

that's, that's, we're going to get that done. That would, that would make me. I'm almost crying thinking about it. I would go. You'd go.

I would lose in a helicopter over the city. Yeah. Oh, shot. What? I was saying because he would come. No, I just started crying. No, I just I would. She hasn't been on a plane since I was in first grade

and she wants to fly so bad. It's like one of the things that's on her bucket list. So to be able to do that would be. Oh yeah. Yeah, man. That's pretty sweet. Jeez.

Just find the right frontier flight. It'd just be dope. Mom, I got you. Mom, you're going to go open up for Shane. I got you a Spirit plane. No, it's just on you. So I flew you to Santa Fe and then I got you a So I got you. Mom, you're going to go open up for Shane. I got you a spirit. Look, it's just on you. So I flew you to Santa Fe and then I got you a bus to Los Angeles.

Deal with it. All right. Kelly, I call you Kelly now. Get out of here. Yeah. Peanuts are $60. Sorry. Sorry for flying off the handle like that.

She just hasn't flown forever. And I hate flying so much that I'm like, I just want to fly her somewhere. Honestly, like just go to Omaha. Just come back. Just get up on a plane. Yeah. But I want a reason.

I want to like, part of me wants to fly her out just to see her sister and surprise her. But I don't think she could sit on a plane right now for any extended amount of time. Right, not for a few months. So yeah. Where does your sister live?

San Francisco. Oh, nice. So yeah. You have a aunt in San Francisco? No, Modesto. Sorry. I don't know why I said San Francisco i don't know why i said san francisco those are very different places extremely different modesto is fucking gnarly she got her car stolen out of her driveway twice got robbed on her front porch that's where marcella's from yeah there it is it shows yeah actually modesto's from marcella and i am afraid to talk shit about her even as a joke so i will you heard me laughing i was

thinking of something else you're worried that like a candy man kind of situation yeah i'll tell her to her fucking face i've seen you do it it's crazy uh yeah fly my mom out i could just imagine like looking out and seeing her and just like feeling so calm, like no nerves, no nothing, just probably bawling. That's my late night set. I just cry for five minutes. Hey, thanks everyone.

Here's the funniest thing in the world. I love my mom and I just start bawling. I don't know how long that would like if anybody would even crack a smile at any point. I think that'd be so wholesome. It'd be like a clip shared on YouTube. Just a wholesome clip.

It would be. It'd be hard to not I don't know. It'd be hard to not tear up a little bit. Although I think I'd be so fucking nervous anyways. So I think it'd be a good balance. But yeah. Then she could hate flying too. And then you could also be on television. Yeah.

So fly my, fly your mother out to see you do a late night set. Wonderful pick. Wonderful. And your third pick. Uh, finish this high life. No,

I'm kidding. It would be, I want to run a marathon. I ran a half marathon. Oh yeah. Yeah, I do. I think I could,

I ran a half marathon and I trained and it was pretty easy to do. Like it sucked cause I couldn't skate. My knees got all fucked up but i don't know i just think it'd be fun to get that done and be like i did it it's stupid but i did it no that's not stupid i'd be there to cover you in that shiny blanket yeah like i just thought i'd give you water yeah yeah like when you're running i have it out there for you i cook you a huge spaghetti dinner that you eat either the night before or after. I forget what. I don't know how it is. After.

Yeah. Like it would be. You ran a half marathon? Yeah. 13 miles? 13.2? 13.1. One of those.

Yeah, I ran. So not to speak ill of her and please don't. What? An ex-girlfriend. Well, I just feel bad because I told her I wouldn't. But an ex-girlfriend brought up we should run a half marathon. Who? You know who.

I don't know who. You know who. So she goes, let's do a half marathon. And I was like, yes, let's do it. And then she bailed. And I was like, well, I'm definitely going to do it now. So I did it just like out of spite almost. And it was pretty.

I felt like a lot of good, a lot of wrong good. But a lot of good still. Did you get that runner's high? No, I felt like a lot of good, a lot of wrong good. But yeah. But a lot of good still. Did you get that runner's high? No, I never got it. It got easier, but I never, there were times where you'd be running. You'd be like, this just feels like walking, which is cool. But there was, I never was like this fucking rules. It sucked every time.

I had a fun playlist though. Had like R. Kelly on it. George Michael. R. Kelly. Michael Jackson. As I'm saying. He's talking about our it, George Michael. R. Kelly, Michael Jackson. As I'm saying, he's talking about our friend Kelly Jordan.

Okay, good, good, good. As I'm saying it, I'm like... Yeah, that was the only fun part was listening to the... Because I had Sinead O'Connor on there. Just some shit that would mellow me out, some shit that would hype me up. That was fun.

Yeah, run a marathon. I think it'd be nice to get done, to do. Any particular marathon you'd want to do? I mean, yeah, I would actually. I didn't even think about that. I was just thinking the Sioux Falls marathon is a bummer because it's like you just run 13 miles and then you run back the same way.

Yeah, because it's in Sioux Falls. I'm picking up for a full circle, you see. You just kind of go with the back the same way. Yeah, maybe you get really into running in your 40s. I mean, it's good. As soon as I come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to be very good at skateboarding

ever again, I think I'll probably start running more. I love it. Or just jog. Do you think you're not going to be ever good at skateboarding? I think it's... just jog. Do you think you're not going to be ever good at skateboarding? I think it's... What's up, dude? You want to drink in this really cold 40? Yeah, I do. Oh my God. Do you think you're ever going to

be good at... No, I don't know if I'll be that good at skating anymore because now I'm real worried about getting hurt. Because the last time I broke my foot it was like a bummer. And now it hurts. It'll hurt forever because of that one. There's arthritis in there.

I can see it, but the last time I broke it I was like, yeah, that's not, that's there. That's just there now. So I'd like that to not happen anymore. If you jumble your words again you have to have some of that Jaeger I bought. No! Some of that word un-jumbler. You know, Jaeger helps you get shit straight all right david you're fucking in helicopters

you're building compounds in sierra leone what's your third pick man this one sounds really basic but i in my opinion have not done it yet and i just want a man i want to really murder an hour of stand-up comedy sure just like 60 minutes of like, because you don't get many of those. You don't get many of those sets where you walk away and you're just like, I did the fucking job. It can't be done better than that. It can't be done. And it might not ever happen because I'm really hard on my stand-up.

But I like. which is probably why you have a good chance of doing yeah that's why you're so good at it like i rarely like sets that i do yeah but i just would like to feel the same way about yeah neither of us like your sets either rissa says she likes them she doesn't i've heard her talk when you're not around especially lately like the half hour is like cool or whatever but like the hour man that's the job yeah like that's what but seinfeld seinfeld's like you know 15 half hour that's not comedy hour hour and 15 that's comedy you learn how to open how to sustain how to close how to keep everyone's attention and it's like the way that i view it at least is like the hours like like the way i look at stand- least is like the hours, like, like the way I look at standup, the hours,

like it's like organic, like it's, it's alive. You know what I mean? So it's like, you find a lot of shit out about somebody and there's going to walk with them. Yeah.

And there's just so much to go that goes into doing a great hour. And I don't think I've seen very many to be, I don't think there's a lot. I don't think there's a lot of hours that I've seen people do where i'm like seinfeld's was i mean i think i think elephant in the room is the best hour of ever god damn that's where you can truly like i mean you're not seeing that one reason that big of a thing but you could truly in an hour like in 15 you do a callback it's like uh-huh it's a it's a parlor trip right but like in an hour you're like oh shit you've connected all these thoughts together and you can have a theme and like what the show is and you can take them on the whole like i just like i've never i've

never done it yeah i've never patrice o'neill did elephant in the room and it's like jarring how good it is it's about as good i think it's as good as the art form yeah i think the brits do that i think they often lean on as a crutch but one of like which is thematically which is like theming an hour or a show of stanley often i do think they use it as like a crutch and it's like that's not that good it's just part of this theme you know right but if you can really nail that and have something be like a cohesive thematic hour that's like because i mean so many of the great ones are like you know what i mean like but i don't know i like killing them softly because that doesn't have like a huge through line and it's probably my favorite hour that anyone's ever done and it's silly like that's the one that

chapelle did the like 2002 or whatever his best special it's so and it's not he's not like tackling and i like politics he's not you know it's just like he's just saying funny shit. I love it. Yeah. I just, I think that that could be like, I could, I'd be okay. But I, I, I don't think I can stop before I do that. No,

can't stop. Won't stop, dude. It's so good. Then you'll have tasted it. Yeah. Then I'll taste it. And also,

even when you do it, you probably won't think you'll have done it, which is the grim truth of that. Ah, the rub. I've had a few. You've never, I've had a few though

where i was like that's what it could really yeah maybe in nine years of doing stand-up i've had maybe three sets like that so it's like you know what's fun like i've had that feeling before the club that comes to mind is uh comedy on state where i'm like i had my best like that could happen at comedy on stetson club in madison and it's just it's like electric when you walk in like i don't think i murdered a full hour i like i i wasn't like i don't i'm never gonna be like by the way so hard to like so hard like that's the thing it's like it's like it's like it's like running a four minute mile but it was it's a big ask the best that i ever had was that comedy on state it was i had just gotten off the phone i think you were there uh i had just been taught like it was the last time i tried to get

the comedy central half hour and like the year before the two years before because this was the third year i tried to get it the two years before they were like you were like just that you were oh you were the last person out oh poor guy you know like just that all bullshit and i and i was like you're probably right i believed it and then the last year they were just like yeah the material just wasn't there and i was like whoa right before and like my reps told me are you seriously so good yeah yeah i was i know i was there i remember the trip and like uh they were they were like yeah that's what they said your material dress wasn't there and i was like the fuck i'm like fuck and if you see all the people you see all the people who do get it that's anyway anyway

like but like uh not no shade on the people no i feel like we're like oh like those people i'll roast them you know what i mean and this was when i was doing a lot more stand-up and then i went up on stage at comedy on state and for like 115 minutes or maybe not quite that long actually that's almost two hours for an hour 15 minutes is what i meant to say uh just like fucking flamethrower like the audience work was like super on point dude i had like local riffing shit up top that like murdered and probably the guy that set you up i think the guy set me up was fantastic you know you just fucking open the room but it was like that was that comedy on set and i feel like that was because i was so like right before i got up because i was so drunk i was not drunk

at all but i was so like driven i was just like so like because of that slight right before i usually coming on like where i was just at the materials not there fucking fuck you what the fuck are you fucking talking about you new york pieces of shit yeah like that's like i'll say that now too i don't give a fuck about the comedy central like yeah stand-up executive guys no i'm just joking no i'm just joking i'm completely just joking but uh you know that's how i felt at the time like in that moment sometimes you need that like i don't know man stand up for me is the best when it's like either like it's the best it's the best for me when it's like the only thing i got yeah you know what i mean like when it's like like when

my life is going really bad and stuff that's like when stand up is like it fills those gaps for me that's the weird thing about having so much so that hasn't been the case for like seven years you know what i mean weird yeah i get like anxiety when i think i'm not doing good stand-up yeah which i felt like i've been in a rut since the half hour it like fucks me up yeah like yeah but we're getting it back i've been doing some okay sets lately there it is killing an hour killing an hour killing hour. Killing an hour. Excellent pick. Marissa. Real relatable. Your third pick? My third pick, again,

inspired by TV. I want to go to an underground goth rave. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Have you been watching The Righteous Gemstones? Yes.

That's the exact one I want to go to. When he fucking goes, he's like, yeah, we're about to blast off. You want a taste? They just mean dance. All they're talking about is dancing., he's like, yeah, we're about to blast off. You want to taste? They just mean dance.

All they're talking about is dancing. You're like, that's how you say, do you want to dance? Blast off. I don't think, how did that, I don't even know how those things, like, are they illegal? I don't know anything about that. Me neither, but I want to go to one so bad. I just want to get like a really cool outfit, really do all the makeup and everything. Like do it all.

Yeah. Where there's different rooms. Yeah. Are you a good dancer or do you enjoy dancing? I've been enjoying it more, but. Because you've been going a lot, right?

I'll go to like emo night, which is fun because it's just like a whole bunch of drunk people just doing whatever. That's most dancing places. Yeah. That's good.

That's good. That's dancing. That's what it's going to be tonight. But generally I don't dance unless I'm like very drunk. I have to get drunk enough to dance. That's how it started for me too. And then just like over time. Cause you know.

I just go out there. If I'm sober, I just dab. You know what I mean? David shaking his head. Don't look at me. It really is a bad dab. It's really bad. It looks like a wounded bird.

Yeah. Pick you up and put you back in a nest. Yeah, like your movement. You're not supposed to move like that. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Like we found him in our yard. I think his wing's broken.

Is he going to die, Dad? No. No. Go get your mom. Call the Audubon Society. Call the Audubon Society. Break its neck. What happened? He got up and flew away.

So what's your outfit? I wouldn't show any nudity, but it'd be like everything else. Are we going to be able to tell it's you? That's a good question. Probably not. I would love to wear a mask. Love it'd be like everything else. Are we going to be able to tell it's you? That's a good question. Probably not. I would love to wear a mask. Yeah. Love to wear a very cool mask.

Okay. Yeah, because I don't want anyone around there. You just turned the hat around right there. Yeah. All right. I would just not want to have the breathing restricted. That would be the only thing. Yeah. Well, you get the zipper for that, bro.

The zipper or like a- Oh, the Hannibal mask? Yeah, the Hannibal mask kind of thing would be kind of fun. Yeah. When you say mask, are you talking like a zipper or like a Hannibal mask? Oh, no. Sorry for creeping you out. I'm just- Well, that's- I mean, you know, I'm thinking like going for it. Is. When you say mask, are you talking like a zipper, like a handable mask? Oh, no. Sorry for creeping you out. Well, that's, I mean, you know, I'm thinking like

going for it. You have like a masquerade mask. Yeah, masquerade mask. Okay. Eyes wide shut. Sorry, I was going. I went ham. Sean's actually a big active part of this culture. I'm just trying to see if we should invite you. Because he has an extra zipper mask that he's actually been looking to get rid of.

That'd be so... I don't know how I'd feel if I was just poking around and I was like, Laura, what's the mask? She's like, well, you know, now you know. I go to secret goth raves. I go to naked goth sex raves. I don't have sex. Where do you find them? That's my question.

I'm sure. If any listeners know where to find an underground goth rave, I love gemstones. Please let me know. Hit us up. Yeah. Please. Please. Seriously. Hit us up. Yeah. where to find an underground goth rave gemstones please let me know please seriously hit us up we're in LA oh yeah

guaranteed I don't know about rave culture at all I went to a rave it was a rave in Sioux Falls that was like themed as a rave I went to one in Portland I was with you you had two unnamed comedian to it yeah yeah you guys just been raving no but we've that was that one i remember it was it was way

too gnarly for me and i was like i gotta go it like we were there for a while and i'm like uh-oh it's getting what made it too gnarly. I like. Yeah, like sexy. It was getting sexy. And I was like, I can't. I feel weird when you say sexy. What was going on? Yeah. Girl on girl stuff.

And it was just like kind of happening. Like right on the floor. Fully naked or just there. I can't remember. They were just. I can't remember. They weren't fully naked. I was also there.

I'm turtling up. I like I'm getting there. I had to drive our comedian friend to the airport. So I did not get to leave. That was not an option for me. Oh, it was so intense. Yeah. But it was fun for a while.

Yeah. I want to go to a party like that. Hell yeah. That's a good pick. Yeah. Seriously. Time for my third and fourth picks as tis as tis okay oh here's one i want to be on a sketch on either a rapper or a band's album god seriously

i really think that would be so fun especially if it's somebody like i fuck with like a band like like somebody cool yeah action bronzer right and then like just to be like a voice or a character like or like how chris rock was on method man's yeah yeah aka the ticalian stallion aka hot nickels yeah uh i think it'll be so fucking fun anyone in mind or you just kind of blanket just kind of blanket man it'll be yeah it'd be fucking like you'll be really fun as if damy lillard when he puts out another rap album like that would be a fun like portland type thing it's funny because it's like you can link the dots you're like i could five things happen and i'm on it man if pop if you're listening to this if you guys want to do like a sketch on your album i'm happy to lend my voice talent oh i thought you said puff i was like you think diddy's listening diddy does diddy reads transcripts of it. Diddy dabbles.

Diddy dabbles. Yeah. If you want someone to sing that Do Re Mi song, you know, on your next album, I'm in for it. Forgot about that song. It's the highlight of my day so far. Same podcast. Feels like days ago, doesn't it? Yeah. It does feel like I went to Portland and came back

and that happened the time I was here previous. Do! Do! With which I buy my beer. Ray, the guy I buy beer from. I can't believe I've never heard you sing that. Years. I've known this man.

Yup. Yup. I keep, I was the Disney vault up here. Some stuff only comes out every now and then. So that's one pick. My next fourth pick. Boy boy i would love to this is such an easy one but like i really like own a home with a pool it's a real yep man that one helps me too

that is not easy not easy i mean it's just like not that interesting but it is like yes it is dude if you had a pool. We could finish this. I know. And go swimming. I know. Just jump in afterwards. God, that'd be tight. Marg's on deck, bro.

Oh, you get a blender back there? Yeah, there's a blender out there. You get a grill back there? There's a grill back there, dude. Man, we should get some shoes. Do you play shoes? Yeah, absolutely. Get some shoes back there?

Shoes. I love them. Can I be John C on the blender? You work out at 24 hour? No, I'd have seen you there. I love a backyard. That's all I like. A dope back, like just a pool with some stuff around it, some places to sit, some speakers.

That's just like all I want. That's the dream. California, that's the dream. It's coming into focus too. Dude. I'm seeing a path to it. I'm starting to see the path to it. I haven't been on a lease in 20 years. I haven't been on a lease in 20 years

and you're talking about buying a house. It's so buck sounding. I was just thinking about that. Like, geez, dude. So that's why to me, that seems like an amazing thing to have on a bucket list. It's good, man.

It's going to happen. I just know. You're on Zillow sweating. Shit. I need to have a good year. Um, like I know people who like have had pools or grew up with pools and like, well, I never swam at them.

I guarantee you I would swim in that motherfucker. Oh yeah. The time Smith was like every morning. I think like I really do. Why get a work? Swimming is the best workout. Go swim for a half hour every day. You don't have to run. You don't have to. Smith was like that. I'd be in there every morning, I think. Like I really do. Why? Get a workout. Swimming is the best workout. Go swim for a half hour every day. You don't have to run.

You don't have to fucking do any of that stuff. It's the easiest on your body. When do you feel better than after you swim? Best for cardio. I love it. Works out your entire body because you use your whole body to swim. And you, I know specifically,

love being in water. I'm a little water baby. You know what also? Both my parents are Aquariuses. You know that about me. I'm an Aquarius too. oh yeah i'm a scuba diver you're an aquarius queries too and i love the water you love water see i'm a leader but i love it and i like water too i mean i'm stubborn as a bull is that an e40 yeah i'm a tourist i mean

i'm still a bull i want you to have a house with a pool man because then we all have a house with a pool. Man. Because then we all have a house with a pool. And then it changed. Everything changed. And the whole group. Also for you. The whole party. The whole party levels up. You could have sexy pool parties.

You know I would. And we could just put a tarp over it and have a goth night. Yeah. Yes. See? I would want to go to that. Yeah. There we go.

We could empty it out, dude. Skate. Skate. Do they have goth swimming parties? Is that real? Did I make that to go to that. Yeah. There we go. We can empty it out, dude. Skate. Skate. Do they have goth swimming parties? Is that real? Did I make that up? Probably not. No.

They don't like the sun. Yeah, that makes sense. So long as it's covered up, maybe. Could be a nighttime party. Nighttime goth party. Nighttime goth pool party. Nighttime. Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, man. I'd be out there listening to Steely Dan at night. Would you have a sexy pool boy? Smoking doobies, dude. Sexy pool boy? I'd be the sexy pool boy? Sexy pool boy? I'd be the sexy pool boy. Who cleans your pool? I do, and I do it sexually.

I do. I'm the pool boy. Oh, man. Because that's, you know what else would be dope about having a pool? Tons of swim trunks. I feel like that space needs to be explored. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I've already got, like, more pairs than the average bear. Really? How many swim trunks you got? Four. That's a lot. Yeah. I've already got more bears than the average bear. Really? How many swim trunks you got? Four. That's a lot. I only got one. A couple of them are bombastic. A couple of them are pretty straight-laced. Marissa, tell me your fourth pick. My fourth pick. I've had this idea to draft bucket list items for about a year now.

I had this one item on my list, but I actually completed the item. I want to pass by if it's still a kid to draft or not. I think so. You could draft a fucking anything you wanted. Is it no someone who wins an Emmy? Oh my God. That's so flattered. We were drafting food and Dave drafted a ball pit one time.

Don't come for me. He's got a compound now, dude. He's got a compound. I fucked in a helicopter earlier. So what was on my bucket list was to crowd surf at a show. Oh, yeah. That was great. I was there.

Oh, that was awesome. Was that, that was your first time crowd surfing? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. That was awesome. Yeah. It was really cool. That was at a pop show.

It was at a pop show. It was at a pop show, right? Thank you, pop. You were there, too. Nope. I was not there didn't go it was just me and you I think I had to fly to

Europe the next day yeah there was something happening where was Mike there Mike was there Mike was there unfortunately you know

that was the opposite of a bucket list yeah be mean to him was it everything you wanted it to be Mike's great it was like

it was really great I had no idea what to expect. I'd always heard just warnings that, you know, people like may try to like rope you and all that. And I was like, well aware of that. But I remember when he was happening, I was like, this is great. Like, okay, I've had enough.

Like I could go down now, but you don't know how to like flag people to tell them that you're ready to go down. It just happens. I think I like made eye contact with someone and I like gave him a thumbs up and they're like, okay. And they ready to go down. It just happens. I think I made eye contact with someone and I gave them a thumbs up and they're like, okay, and they helped me down. But that's something I need to practice, I guess. How to stop surfing once you start surfing.

You know what's crazy? Me and Ian have never even thought about that. No, no. I haven't even rolled that idea around in my brain. I didn't even... I haven't thought about surfing surfing Who's groping during a crowd surf by the way Who's that doing anything for

Oh that boob I honked during the crowd surf Three hours ago Surrounded by a bunch of the sweaty guys That makes me want to God I would get Burp really loud Like from earlier Every time Riz is just like I'm gonna have to burp really loud? Like from earlier? Yeah.

Every time, Riz is just like, I'm going to have to hear it. I feel what it's going to sound like in my headphones. It's going to sound like this. Burp. It sounds like a goat. A little bit. Burp. I can't even do it. Burp.

I love it. I'm getting punchy too. I, uh, I crowd. Oh man. As you said that I crowd surfed a bunch in Sioux Falls at Nutty's. It's just some bar, but we just crowd surfed all the time. At a bar? Yeah.

They would. Really? They would. I will during show. I should say during music show. His friend gave him a piggyback ride around the bar. That's the Sioux Falls crowd. During music shows.

But there would be a stage like as high as the coffee table. So a couple feet high. And yeah, we just crowd surf like motherfuckers. It was sick. Smith one time jumped out and it was like out of a movie, jumped out into nothing and just fell flat on his stomach and just hopped up. And he's like, oh, it's cool.

And I'm like, I know you got hurt. That had to hurt. And you don't have to act like it's cool. And he was, no, I'm good. I'm like i know you got hurt like i that that had to hurt and you don't have to act like it's cool and he was no i'm good i'm like you can't be you felt you jump what is he gonna do cry i would have left imagine jumping off like a two-foot stage at thinking and just jumping straight onto your belly i mean that's insane we'll and tackle me off a stage once like that i helped someone crowd surf at fyF back in the last year, FYF at an Iggy Pop show.

Because people are just like, can we go up? Because they'll come up to me because I'm a big dude. And I can get them up. And I helped a bunch of people up throughout the concert. And then this one dude did it. And he fucking kneed me in the face. Oh, bummer. So hard.

And you know when you get hit in the face and you're like, I'm bleeding so much. And then you're afraid to touch it. And I went, no blood? Yeah. Because it just feels numb. Yeah. You're like i'm bleeding so much and then you're like afraid to touch it and i went no blood yeah because it just feels numb yeah you're like something's happening because i'll get like a nosebleed if there's a strong wind like i've gotten nosebleeds my whole life uh because it'd be a lifelong cocaine addiction but came out doing it you're this boy energetic boy richard marx calls it california snow i think that's hilarious that's very funny yeah uh david time for your uh fourth speaking of wait till i get my i can't tell me nothing

i would like to direct a music video i talk about it i mean you guys whenever we watch a good pick and like i just i i would i don't know enough about stuff yet but like i at some point in my life see i think it wouldn't take long because you could just have a dp with you right and you'd be like here this is kind of what i want to look like and feel he'd be like okay these are what the shots we would do so you could mostly just be the creative force behind it yeah i would i think you'd be dope i would love to do it i just yeah, I talk about it all the time. I love music videos more than I like movies to be honest. So like, yeah, it's just, I would love that. You should direct the Too Thick music video.

Too Thick. Oh man, I didn't even think about that. That's a great idea. And then the video of you directing that has to be our second song. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. This album's writing itself.

There's a whole storyline you know what i mean where like you're like you're directing but like you know i don't know the wardrobe lady and you fall in love you know oh and then we say oh man that's like the second all right no more oh sorry no such thing as too thick too thick too thick girl i know i cheat you, but I'm cool with that. I just want to be that guy so bad. That's okay. I know I don't have a car. Yours works great. It's all good, baby.

Just come home. But I'm okay with that. Stop by Arby's when you come home. I know we else. Because I want some. Because I want. Just say all this shitty stuff like you're being nice. Ain't no such thing as too thick too thick guys we're giving away all right too much too much so i'm just gonna go make the

sandwich we get all the meat it's to be sold not to be told it's to be sold not to be told uh who do you like to do other than too thick who do you like to direct a music video for that's the thing is it's like i've thought about it and i think i would want to actually do a pop video yeah yeah i don't think it would be like tete or something i don't know i i it's never i've never really thought i think it would be like gualipa that'd be cool yeah i just i would oh my god i don't know if i could handle that i I knew that. Sometimes I'm just in cars, just looking at pictures of Rihanna. I actually,

I actually just Google porn. You are an animal. You're an animal and you need to be put down. That's what I think. I'm never in a lift ride. I'll just look up porn stars. You're laughing like it's not you who's doing it. I have cried and I have laughed on this episode.

I really did them both. I have cried and I have laughed on this episode and all I want to do is look at porn in the back of a Nuber. So I'm sorry. Still shots. So I'm sorry. Dad. Something about that is so much grosser still shots you fucking deviant

what's wrong with you it's like frozen jizz in midair oh my god everything about that is so gross. Yeah, it was pretty gross. My apologies. Frozen jizz. Yeah, I'm going to direct to me. Soon it will be Christmas Day.

Look at Bruce. It's actually Boxing Day. Oh, soon it will be Boxing Day. Sean? Fourth pick. I want to stand up on a surfboard. Yes. The hardest thing I've ever tried. Have you ever surfed? No. Have you ever tried?

No. I could barely boogie board or that body board. Yeah. Where those are. Can't do that either. I can't do shit. I have no upper body. They're like fucking spaghetti noodles. that either. I can't do shit. I have no upper body. They're like fucking spaghetti noodles. I can barely do a push-up.

So yeah, standing up on a surfboard would be to me seems like the ultimate I just feel so cool. I tried to stand up when I was dating Moby Dong. Wait, what? Amanda. It's a Twitter handle. We were house-sitting a house in Lake Oswego

that had paddle boards behind it. I tried for two hours to stand up on a paddle board and could not fucking do it. It was this thing where I was like, nope, you're sticking with it until you do it. And then eventually I just like sulked back to the house and didn't hit it right.

It's a... The day was rude. I rue that day. I rue it. Did you take breaks to like Google and like watch videos and all that? She was like for probably the first 45 minutes, bless her heart, she was out there like trying to show me how to do it. Like, all right, do that.

Because she was like amazing. She could like pop up on it and scoot around. And it was just like my body, my center of gravity is all wrong. And like my body is weak. My torso is mad long and my legs are short so it was just like i could not figure i would get up like almost and then like you'd start wobbling and the more you like try to over correct it goes like wob wob and then you're in the drink like immediately and then you have to start it all over again bummer oh yeah dude i mean I tried surfing, it was that same shit. Andy would just be like,

no, just Andy and Hayes both. They're just like pop up. And I'm like, I, to the point after a while, I was like, I fucking can't just pop up. I can't. If I could,

I would have done that an hour ago. I'd have popped up and we'd be on to the next thing I'm doing wrong. But we're not. We're fucking still on the first one. Aren't we? Aren't we, Andy?

Aren't we? I would if I could, couldn't I? Why? I would, wouldn't I? Why? Childish. Biscuit. Tea, crumpet.

Biscuit. Stand up on a surfboard. Stand up on a surfboard. What are you doing in Costa Rica? Is that what you said? Trying. Yeah. I tried to do it in San Diego a few times.

Tried to do it in Costa Rica. I've tried. I think I've tried in like a lake where there wasn't even waves just to see if I could pop up and I cannot. Me neither. Have you ever had like an outdoorsy face? No, no. I just play video games. No, no, like a hard uh-uh.

No, no, bless your heart. I snowboarded for a while. I never, God, I am so scared to snowboard because you're locked in. It seems so scary to me. Skating can always kick the board away. But you're locked in. What are you going to fall in snow? That's fine. It is not, dude. It's like ice.

It's snow. Unless you're fucking taking a chopper up to the top of a mountain. A fresh pop out, dude? It's soft. You're wearing big baby toddler pants. They're all cushiony too. No, I got those snow pants that look like jeans like the US Olympic team wore in 1996 or whatever. I remember those assholes you should try it i bet you'd like snowboarding i bet i would also the fact that your legs are locked in is good like on skis they

can go all cattywampus and you snap an acl and the snowboard you're kind of like in there you know yeah i just don't want to i don't want to hurt my butt bro i don't want to fall and hurt my butt you know it's my butt uh sean time for your final pick uh fall and hurt my butt, you know. Sean, tell me your final pick. This is ridiculous, but it's, you know, it's a bucket list. All of this has been fairly attainable. 30 white bitches!

Marissa jumped. You know what this shit is? Fucking ridiculous. It's so loud. Champagne witches. I want to be an answer on Jeopardy. Oh! I like that one. That's champagne witches I want to be an answer on Jeopardy oh I like that one I mean that's

I can't even connect I don't know how that would ever happen but that would be great every time like I see like if Tony Hawk's an answer or Seth Rogen or something I'm like they never thought they were going to be an answer on Jeopardy and they are so this Snoopy little devil loves to kiss.

Who is Sean Jordan? Yeah, just a real simple, straightforward I just want to be an answer on Jeopardy. Hell yeah, that would be amazing. We've seen that happen to some of our friends. Kamale's been an answer on there. Pretty wild. Adam Conover just became an answer. Really? Adam Conover? College humor or Adam ruins everything?

Yeah, he was like, this guy blank ruins everything. Do you think there's anyone that lets you know? Because I'm sure they know that that's awesome. I don't think so. It seems like... I mean, I suppose Twitter would just let you know. When the people find out, either they're faking like they just found out via Twitter or like... Or they really don't. Because they're like, oh my God, this is crazy. Because someone will be like, or, or they really don't like,

cause they're like, Oh my God, this is crazy. Cause someone will be like, Hey, you were a answer on jeopardy. I mean, yeah,

God, that would be so cute. Imagine a watch jeopardy. You were an answer. What? No, I can't imagine that. That'd be insane.

I would love it. I don't know. Not, not, not a ton to it. I don't even know what the question would be or what the answer would be. I just gave it to you. Yeah. Snoopy. Snoopy little Not a ton to it. I don't even know what the question would be. I just gave it to you. A Snoopy little devil

who loves to kiss. The favorite son of Sioux Falls, South Dakota is a Snoopy little devil and loves to kiss. Me. David, your final pick. I want to be ten toes down on every single continent. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, man. What are you doing in Antarctica?

What are you doing down there? M. Yeah, man. For sure. What are you doing in Antarctica? What? What are you doing down there? You just going to hang out? Minding my fucking business. Penguin futures. Yeah. I got some business. Yeah.

This one's all tied up in penguins right now. I want to go to, just like, I don't know. In my head, I have this thing where I feel like life is about distance traveled, whether physical or emotional or whatever and i think that yeah i would just like it's a big world man have you been to europe yes europe okay so you got africa europe and here yeah you've been to south america at all nope okay god you're you'll go to australia hopefully you can get asia you can sneak that in by going to turkey by the way no i'm gonna go i know you'll go what are you doing i'm gonna sneak that in by going to Turkey, by the way. No, I want to go. You'll go.

I know. You'll go to Portugal. What are you doing? I'm going to sneak it in real quick. I would like to go to China. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

China. Which part do you want to go to? I want to see Beijing. Yeah. Hong Kong. Hong Kong would be so tough. I want to get dim sum in Hong Kong. Dude, my friend Isaac is from Hong Kong.

Yeah. His dad is like an international business. So he grew up there. It just sounds so cool, man. Shout out to Hong Kong. Yeah. He has a Made in China tattoo on his ass. He listens to this podcast.

What's up, Isaac? What's up, Isaac? I think he came in sauce when we were in San Francisco. But yeah, I want to go to all the continents. Ten toes down on each continent. That'd be amazing. I like the way that's... That'd be a nice hoodie to get yourself after you did it. Oh, continents. Ten toes down on each continent. That would be amazing. I like the way that's – that would be a nice hoodie to get yourself after you did it.

Oh, yeah. Ten toes down on each. I think it would be great. I just want to see it, man. It's like – I like seeing America. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

I like traveling all over America. So, like, the fact that there's these other places that are even more different is like, man, like, I got it. I got it i gotta sometimes man i'll just be on google maps going around these giant landlocked cities in china and shit like that just like look i just want to see it yeah no i feel you that's a great pick yeah where's the time for your final pick my final pick this is something i'm currently working on with little success but i think it's also a goal that zach tuscani has so this is something I'm currently working on with little success, but I think it's also a goal that Zach Toscani has. So this is something we share together.

I have no idea. Are we going to find out that you're crazy right now? So my goal is to befriend a crow until it gives me a gift. Whoa. Holy shit. You were really ready for this draft. Yeah. Yeah.

You were really awesome. Yeah. Fuck yeah you were really awesome yeah fuck yeah you want it how does that wait you're working on that now i'm working on it now i've been doing my uh research on reddit about how to like befriend crows they like peanuts in the shells so they could like open it up themselves and eat it and they i think use the peanut shells for like their nest or something like that so so you're gonna befriend it and then after you guys become friends it'll give you a gift maybe there's a chance once you befriend a crow that it will give you a gift in return normally something shiny that they found how do you know when you've befriended it when you get that gift i would say when it's like comfortable being around you and eating like right in front of you. You guys could get like very close.

Right now, I'm still at the distance where they're at the top of the pole. And I'm just kind of waving at them and showing them my peanuts. And then like leaving them on the ground and walking away. And then they jump down to get them? Yeah, and seeing if like they jump down. Do you like go around the corner and just like make sure they're grabbing? I will try to, but I haven't gotten any biters yet. Okay.

But I'm trying. Where are these crows? They're in Chinatown. I mean, they're kind of like all over. There's one that lives on top of a church, and so I'm trying to aim for that one. Because I know it's been bringing the food there, so I know that there's one living there that I'm aiming to get.

I'm aiming to befriend. That's awesome. I was in Portland the other day and we went to watch falcons scare the crows out of downtown. They had three falcons. Yeah, they had three falconers that were down there. It was such a Portland-ass

thing. Like 200 people gathered just to watch this dude be like, he talked for a while and then he's like, so I just released the falcon and then chases the crows across the river where they're going to have a better life and it's easier for them to live. So yeah, it was just a wild thing watching all these crows like see one falcon and they're like, fuck

you, dude. And they just fly away. That's all that happens. Falcons don't eat the crows. The falcon would go exist by them and they'd be like, fuck off, bro. And then they you could just see them all scatter. Crows are big too yeah yeah they're smart they're hella smart talk right oh i don't know none none of them have talking to me yet david david david am i shaking out david i think they can talk after you do a

bunch of mushrooms they actually know you can talk to each other They know you from back in the day. I think once you get close to some of them, they will make a noise when you're by them. Like a little predatory noise? Like a little rattle? Yeah, like a little rattle to indicate that they know you. They're friendly. I swear I've been walking to the store

and crows kind of scare me a little bit because they are following me. Like a couple of them me a little bit because I'm like, are they, they are following me. Like a couple of them. They're just to make sure I'm not fucking with anything. It's, I don't know. It's,

it's intimidating. Yeah. You could be walking close to their nest maybe. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. And then I get, and then I get a whip.

Just bring them some peanuts. Nothing to see here. And I back up. I go, sorry crow. We'll get some peanuts for the crib. Excellent pick. That's really fun.

Yeah, seriously. I want to befriend a crow and get a gift from them. That'd be the ultimate gift. Yeah, yeah. What would you do? Would you make a little necklace out of it? One of those like somebody's wedding ring or something.

It's often people's rings that they will find in the street. Really? Yeah. God, that'd be tight. That would be crazy. Where'd you get that ring? A crow gave it to me. Yeah, sorry.

It's a crow, baby. My final pick, and it is a lame one kind of i want to i would love to learn how to like really dj and then do a whole party one night like with a turntable yeah like mixer or even with even with it doesn't have to be turntables it can be all mp3s and stuff like that this is your fantasy but i some vinyl in my in my fantasy i don't even care if it's vinyl if i'm being honest i like because i wanted to be able to do like the beat matching and like all that stuff and mix up like songs i know will get the dance floor going with sprinkling and a few or i'm like you probably haven't heard this but it's tight and

like check this out but you like melded in perfectly with these other songs so people leave the dance floor yep i think it would be so fun every time i've gotten to do it at like an after party i fucking had so much fun and that's just like playing off of like spotify right yeah to do like a real party it would be such a fuck i mean aren't you djing for a little bit tonight i sure am for like half an hour i gotta shoot it's a what if you dj'd yeah a goth night oh where there were a bunch of nice crows hanging out. And a wave pool that I could surf in with a helicopter on the roof.

And David's fucking with a willing participant. And it's at the schnitz. DJ Tevye. That's great. It would be so fun. I would really, really enjoy it. DJ Tevye. Oh, man. That's great. It would be so fun.

I would really, really enjoy it. It feels obtainable if I ever had enough free time to learn how. One of my writers is learning how to do it. It's the same as comedy where you're dictating the energy to control. Yeah. It's like. But I swear, I would be such a like altruist i really just would want people to have a good time no no no i don't mean that but you want to explain the end

but you know there are some who are like trying to like flex i hate that so much just mind melded we've talked about this many times before i hate a cool dj i hate it i would not be a cool DJ. Yeah, I do like the same shit right now. You guys both went. I hate that and then ended up like I hate a cool DJ touching your head. You saw that right? Yeah, I saw the same person for a second. What's in the matrix? Yeah,

that was crazy. Yeah, I didn't notice it. And then when I took my hand out, I saw you take your and I was like, did he wanted at us that I put my hand down uh that was sick it's been a crazy day um yeah so just dj dj a whole night i like it uh so that that wraps up the uh the draft that was the final pick sean you went first you took paid to go get paid to go overseas and perform fly your mother out to see you do a late night set, run a marathon, stand up on a surfboard, and be an answer on Jeopardy. That's great.

David, you went second. You took have sex in a helicopter over New York City. Hell yeah, I did. Own a compound in Sierra Leone. Hell yeah. Really murder an hour of stand-up comedy. Drip. Direct a music video.

Yes, sir. And 10 toes down on every content. I feel good about all of it. Marissa, you went a third and you took get mauled by a litter of puppies spectate a high-level drug deal in the desert attend an underground goth rave crowd surf at a show which you've actually achieved well thanks to your own guile and gumption but also facilitated by uh pup and then the final one befriend a crow until it gives you a gift.

I went last and I took play a sold out show at the Arlen Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland, Oregon, play Tevye in a production of Fiddler on the Roof, be in a sketch on a band's album or a rapper's album, own a house with a pool, and then DJ an entire night. Yeah. Man.

Yeah. That was tight. Yeah. I didn't leave too much out. What else do you have Marissa? I had go to Comic Con because I really like big. Nice. Like anime. Comic Con. I feel like you could do that. I feel like I could do it but also I worried that I wouldn't like it because you'd be too

packed. Like it's too much going on. Yeah. I just want to see the cool costumes and kind of be like a people watch. I just went to the Portland one. It was pretty cool. Yeah. I liked it. Oh I would want to adopt a kitten and a puppy at the like, I just went to the people. It was pretty cool. Yeah. I liked it. Oh, I would want to adopt a kitten and a puppy at the same time and have them grow up to be best friends. Is that like a Crips and Bloods thing?

We're on the same gang. Tying two bananas together. Fuck cops. She was a cop. She was a kitty. He was a puppy. Yeah. I also want to ride in a blimp.

Whoa. What's inside those? Here's pretty quiet. I also want to ride in a blimp. Whoa. What's inside those? Here's pretty quiet. I don't know. Because it's like... Do they have bathrooms up there? Do they have what? Bathrooms? A bar? Like what's in there? I don't know how big it is. It's not very big. The cockpit of a blimp isn't big? I don't think so.

Because it's like the bottom part, right? Like that's all filled with hot air or whatever. Yeah, there's nothing. Blimps, what an insane thing. What's inside a blimp? I don't know. Is it helium? What's the gas in there?

I just want to know if there's like bathrooms in there. And there's got to be, because that Goodyear blimp will be up for like hours. Yeah. There's got to be a shitter in the blimp. Something like that. And are there like high-end blimps where there's like a bar serving you? That's what I would like.

I mean, because honestly, you could also take a blimp over New York City. No, but that is, I don't know what the inside of a blimp looks like at all. It's happening with blimp where it's turning into one of those words right now where I'm like, that's a ridiculous sounding word. Blimp. Let's do it. Blimp. You see anything about the cockpits? I'm trying, that's a ridiculous sounding word. Blimp. Let's do it. Blimp. You see anything about the cockpits? I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

Could we get into like the Goodyear blimp? The Goodyear blimp did not have a bathroom. It did. And apparently the Goodyear blimp, it's by contest only. So you have to like win a contest. Really? To be in it? Yeah. You can't just like buy a ticket or anything. Let's rig that contest. let's buy a blimp

uh i had what do we live with a sick courtside and a trailblazer game oh i wanted to drive the oscar meyer wiener mobile oh that'd be tight uh get married oh mine was learn how to get married too but it felt yeah it felt sad i did the exact same thing i was like I don't want to bum everybody out supposed to be having fun over here I don't want to be supposed to go to a party later I don't want to like I don't want to have people coming up like

hey man you good host a monthly dinner party was the thing I wanted to get going once I get the house with a pool. I want to bowl a perfect game. Yeah. And I want to get into a moderate amount of weed.

Like, just be somebody who can handle that. I would love that. Like a fucking grown-up. I want to learn and perform burlesque. Ooh. Like an entire number.

But only as one of the background dancers, not the main. Not the main. Yeah. You want to be like... Yeah, I want to do the cool like chair dance

where they're like stomping chairs. Oh, be cool when we did go ahead sorry i was just gonna say i've done so many burlesque shows have you like stand up at them yeah a couple yeah and in like in in san francisco for a while it was just like once they found out they probably had like four or five comics they worked with a lot but once they found out about you if they liked you you could just, it was like its own circuit. Portland had some of that too. Burlesque dancers, it's so much fun.

I mean, I didn't do burlesque, but like those shows are fun. I'm not against it. You did burlesque. Hey, hey, huh? Burlesque? Burlesque. You should say lesque.

Burlesque? Lesk? Borey Lesk. You should say Lesk. Borey Lesk? Oh, man. Oh, man. I was going to say, when we did Crosswalk in New York, they did the sit down, you rock on the boat from, I forget what show. Guys and Dolls. Guys and Dolls, yeah. But they had like a forget what show, but there's a big guys and dolls. Yeah, but

they had like a big chair dance thing. Yeah, pretty bad. Yeah, just feel so empowering to do. Yeah, just slam it down. So percussive, so percussive, so percussive. I've been called percussive. You are a percussive man. That about wraps it up. We want to hear your bucket list items

as well. Please hit us up all individually on Twitter as well as at all Fantasy Pod on Twitter. Email us at allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon for holding us down. We love you so much. We got more hot content coming for you all the time. Shout out to everyone in the AFE subreddit.

Thank you for rocking with us from day one. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Yeah, and shout out to Sean who engineered this one. Yes, I'm the super producer Sean Jordan. You snuck a dagger in right there. David. We're going to get married. That was like a fucking five-year-old would do that it's my birthday too

where are my fucking presents oh man oh i don't think i've laughed at him in so long. Shout out to David. I just wanted to get in, man. Saw my friends having fun. Sleep like a cat. Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God. Oh, shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to fucking Marissa again. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to St. Dude shout out to Haji Beats shout out to fucking Marissa again shout out to Saint Sue Carmel shout out to Saint Kelly Jordan healing

she's healing she's healing she's dealing she's wheeling she's wheeling yeah she's wheeling shout out to Larry David shout out to Rasheed Wallace

there he goes any other shout outs we want to give out there shout out to shout out to Beat Saber I love that game shout out to Beat Saber hell yeah

shout out to David dude shout out to Beat Saber. I love that game. Shout out to Beat Saber. Hell yeah. Shout out to David, dude. Shout out to David. Thanks, guys. Yeah. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity.

Yes! that was a hate gun podcast