All Fantasy Everything - Bugs (w/ Josh Blue, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

You know, creepy crawlers.Episode Guest:Josh Blue @JoshBlueComedy (IG: @JoshBlueComedy)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting bugs. Not necessarily from pop culture, but definitely out there in the world, we're drafting bugs. Our guest today is the fantastic stand-up comedian, Josh Blue. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me, as always, are my friends, David Borey and Sean Jordan. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,

the podcast that is recording across three time zones right now. Four. Four? Are we in four time zones? We're in all of them. Oh my God. You're on Eastern, aren't you, David? No. I thought you were Eastern't you, David? No. I thought you were Eastern. No, that's tomorrow.

Oh, my fault. What an idiot. It's not okay. It's 11 a.m. here. It's not okay. I'm ugly and ad-stupid under that. Untalented. You're in Alabama, so that's definitely more than a time zone behind for sure

20 years i reckon yeah are you in birmingham way down in alabama i'm in birmingham right now yeah what is there to do what will you delight yourself with in birmingham after podcast is over? What do you do? I have another podcast, and then I got to record some. And then I think I'm going to try to eat dinner with Wes Van Horn and Christian Rand. Oh, perfect. Didn't one of the football teams kill a tree? Isn't that in Birmingham? What are you saying?

Didn't Roll Tide or War Eagle, one of them killed a big famous tree that was at the school? One old guy poisoned it. You remember that? Yeah, it did happen. It did happen. Because he killed this very iconic tree at some university, and they're interviewing him on the radio. He's like, yeah, I killed that tree. Roll damn tight.

You remember that? Was that 30 for 30? It was fucking ridiculous. Isn't NASA kind of dead? Isn't NASA, isn't Space Camp near Birmingham? I thought that was slow rider, dude. I think Space Camp is in Alabama. Could be. I think Laura went to Space Camp.

She was from Alabama. I'm in Alabama tonight at 8 p.m. at Avondale Brewing. Not when they hear this, baby. They will have missed you. That man who's called himself an idiot, but couldn't be anything further from that is Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.

Sean Cougar, Mel Jordan on Instagram. We're doing dates at the end of the podcast. So we can get into the meat right now. David Borey is also here. Cool guy. Joke 77 on Instagram, wearing an Oakland A's hat in Birmingham,

Alabama. Yeah. Somebody in the airport said that's the wrong day, brother. It's pretty tight. And Josh Blue is here! Josh Blue Comedy! Well, hello! On Twitter. Are you on the edge?

Is it Josh Blue Comedy across all platforms? Across all platforms. It's pretty clever, huh? It's beautiful. This is an audio medium so people won't be able to see the beautiful uh art that josh has up behind him are you in your is this are you on on the road or is this in your place this is my home yeah yeah the one uh one of them's mine and the other one my buddy did of me he has severe cerebral palsy and he painted with a fucking stick on his head.

That's amazing. God, that's gnarly. That's how Sean does it too. Yeah, that's how that angel in the tower back there. The stick isn't on his head. But it is with a stick. He's a stick man from way back. Josh, thank you for joining us.

We're drafting bugs today. Yeah, baby. Right before we started podcasting, Sean Jordan, seconds before we hit record, said, I got my list. Do you want to repeat what you said? I said, what's a bug? What is a bug?

What are the parameters? What are the parameters for bugs? If you look look they're different but most of the time for me it's a size thing so i don't know you're a size queen when it comes to bugs if something i don't want to start naming things in my account but if something's bigger than like you know a silver dollar it's not a bug but if it could be the same kind of thing but smaller than that what are you talking about man there's definitely bugs that are bigger than a silver dollar then all right that's why i'm asking

i think part of i mean we're gonna get into it that was yo first of all if you ask me what i thought sean thought the metric was for an insect i didn't think it was gonna be the size of a u.s coin not at all specifically not one so small. Are those silver dollars? I'm thinking of a 50 cent piece. They're the bigger ones? Well, no. Both of them are not that big. Insect. I'm now on Encyclopedia Britannica. We're doing bugs, though.

We are doing bugs, but any member of the largest... No, I'm not a student in Encyclopedia Britannica. I'm not going to donate. Any member of the largest class of the phylum Anthropoda, which is itself the largest of the animal phyla, insects have segmented bodies, jointed legs,

and external skeletons, exoskeletons. Insects are distinguished from other arthropods by their body, which is divided into three major regions. That's insects. We're doing bugs. I think there's some insects that are bugs, though. It's creepy crawlies, man. It's creepy crawlies. You know it was creepy crawlies. Through the course of this

podcast, we're going to determine together what is and isn't bugs. I like it. Josh, thank you so much for joining us. Was this your idea for a topic or was this off the list? Yeah, it was my idea and I'm sorry. I love it. It's great.

This is a fantastic topic. What inspired you? What inspired the choice of bugs? Well, I have a very interesting past in bugs. My high school, I was in Senegal, West Africa, and I was there for one year. And there's so many bugs and insects there. And part of my homeschooling was to find one bug a day and identify it and then show it to my mom.

A different bug every day? Every single day. And most days we didn't even have to leave the house. That's so awesome. Yeah. So, I don't know. I just like insects and bugs and all that so i like bugs too i was telling my wife about the topic and she was freaking out i love bugs there's going to

be a lot of respect picks for me i damn yeah i'm terrified of bugs terrified but i respect the bug for days your plan is one money pick, one power pick, and then three respect picks, right? Pretty much. There you go. Well, we're going to determine the order of those very picks with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you,

and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Sean wins a scissor against two paper, aissor, shoot! Oh, Sean wins a scissor against two paper. A natural victory, baby. The nature boy himself, Sean Jordan. Sean Jordan, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you

to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. I might have used it before, but it's like Donkey Kong. He throws the barrel down. It's like the best i'd fix flash donation of a serpentine draft he throws the barrel down goes down to the right and then it drops then it goes down to the left then it goes drops it goes down to the right and then it drops goes down to the left like a snake it's 9 a.m for

us you we can you can repeat serpentines it's. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round. Brother, you're picking first in the second round. Now, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Josh is going first. Oh, all right. Yeah, I like this. I'm going to go second.

Hospitality. And then David, and then you, Ian. Hot corner. The order is Josh, Sean, David, Ian. That corner the order is josh sean david ian that's the order we're drafting in and we are going to get to josh's first pick the first bug drafted ever on all fantasy everything right after the short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm going hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done

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schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything already in progress. David's in Birmingham. Sean's in Portland. Josh is in

Denver, I'm assuming? Yes, sir. Oh,id's in birmingham sean's in portland josh is in denver i'm assuming yes sir oh shot oh sean's in sioux falls i thought i had that on my wall in my actual house i was hoping you did a chained up angel i was hoping you had a chained up angel in your walls in portland oregon i thought it might have been in max's room i thought maybe she started uh expressing herself she started stealing ship from Hot Topic already? No. Yeah. It looks like you're in an Evanescence video. It does look like you're in a... Like an Ev... Sean is recording

in front of an Evanescence mood board. Can't wake up! There's mannequin heads in here. Why? Why? Because my sister was... She's eccentric. Nice. Nice. I. Nice. I love it.

Well, mannequin heads aside, it's time to get into bugs. Josh, in Denver, Colorado, what is your first pick in the bugs draft? I'm going to have to go with dragonfly. Yeah, it's a banger. Solid, solid pick. It's the only bug that can fly backwards. Oh, like a hummingbird. Yeah. Oh, that's sick only bug that can fly backwards. Like a hummingbird. Oh, that's sick. I didn't know that.

And if you've ever seen their larva, they're fucking terrifying. What do they look like? They're like waterborne. And like, I caught somewhere as a kid and I had some minnows in the bucket

with it and it decapitated the minnows. It just has these giant mandibles that scissor scissor fish in half. Nature shit dude. All these beautiful bugs

just start out. It's kind of inspiring in a way because they all start out gross and hard as fuck you know what i mean every i don't want to say any other pics but like a lot of these bugs in their early days are just like gnarly disgusting boring boring into things thriving and like rotting disgusting situations and then like crawl out like a few months later and they're just gorgeous. Been there. Yeah, I remember my whole life I thought dragonflies bit you

or stung you or something. Not my whole life, but I don't know, into my 20s probably. And they don't. They just hang out. They're just hanging out and they're gorgeous. They eat other bugs, which is awesome. Yeah. And they can fuck while they fly. Yeah, they do.

They'll lock up and just be flying around like two of them? Yeah. Is it in sync or is it like a death spiral like when eagles do it? No, they fly in sync. They touch butts, right? Don't they touch butts and then hover around? Yeah. They don't do doggy style?

Yeah. One gets on the like doggy style. Yeah. One gets on the back and rides it around. Man, sex rules already. We're flying around. Great. Hot take, Sean. I'm reverting back to middle school being in my own room. Sex already rules.

I've done it. For someone who had it at such an early age, I've never heard a less I've had sex statement. Yeah, well, it is Nick. Dragon flies were some of the first winged insects to evolve 300 million years ago. They have found fossils of dragonflies with wingspans two feet long. Jesus Christ. Two feet, dude.

No way. Really? Yeah. That'd like make a sound. I like bugs, but I'm glad that's not still a thing. Yeah, I'm not trying to see a two-foot dragonfly. That's like an actual dragon. You can just try to fly off.

Yeah, that's an adversary. Yeah, that's like a bobcat dragon. Where you're like, it's still a dragonfly. It might be not huge, but you're a dragon, bro. The dragonflies can be in their larval stage for up to two years. All these facts are coming off the top of my head, by the way. I'm not, I'm definitely not. No, they are.

PSU did a good job, man. I know. Just so everybody knows, Portland State University, excellent bug study program. Yeah, they can fly straight up and down. They can hover like a helicopter. And yeah, even mate midair. Wow. If they can't fly, they'll starve because they only eat prey they catch while flying.

They have an ethos. They have a code. I respect that. They have an ethos. They have a have an ethos they have a code i respect they have an ethos they have a code yeah they have a code dude all right dragonflies first pick hell yeah all right dragonflies coming out strong out of the gate sean jordan what's your first bug dude i'm back home and being back home i'm reminded like there's a few bugs i'm not terrified of so the first pick i have to pick something that doesn't terrify me are you generally before you get to it are you what is your relationship to bugs are you generally terrified extremely i'm trying not to be a man because max i don't want her to be scared of bugs so i i keep it together it's like if somebody

pulled a gun on it it's the same thing where I'm like it's all good it's all good Max don't worry I'm not worried at all you're terrified inside but you're trying to like sort of broadcast a very tough exterior which is so dumb it's like they're I don't know it's dumb to be scared of bugs but I just you know my mom raised me to be scared of bugs and hate vegetables

and those are two of my core beliefs yeah that's true that's awesome man did anything happen with bugs at an early age or is this just purely a uh nature nurture thing just a mom being like we don't like bugs we don't like by the way we don't like bugs or italians vegetables vegetables bugs and italians yeah josh i'm telling you man she denies this but when i was a kid we'd there'd be Italians. Vegetables, bugs, and Italians. Josh, I'm telling you, man, she denies this, but when I was a kid, there'd be like carrots or something. She's like, oh, you don't like carrots.

I'm like, okay. Wow. I mean, she's right. I don't, but chicken or the egg, you know, who's to say? What are you more afraid of? Bugs or vegetables? Bugs. Unfortunately, it's bugs. Yeah, they have legs yeah what have you consumed more of in the last 24 hours oh man that's a big that's robert parish right there double zero you've eaten bugs on a dare but i don't i don't think i've ever seen you eat a vegetable on a day i've eaten bugs on a dare for sure anyway first pick uh it's a beautiful bug to me but i like a grasshopper. Okay. Oh, yeah. It's a good one.

So when you go on the bike trails back home, where I'm at, they have trails down there in the city, and you'll go down the bike trails, and it used to kind of weird me out because they just fly up when you get by them, and they'll just fly right up almost into you. But then it's just, now it's cool. You're going down the trails, and they'll fly up, and they'll

kind of smash into you a little bit, but then they just bounce off and they land and they're just so cool looking. And like the pretty colors under their, is it their legs? They don't have wings, right? Do they have like squirrel? They have wings.

They do have wings. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So like when the wings open up and there's like black and yellow underneath and you can like when, you know, when rims are spinning,

it looks like it's going backwards. Yeah. Black and yellow, black and yellow underneath. And you can, like when, you know, when rims are spinning, it looks like it's going backwards. Yeah, black and yellow, black and yellow. Me and Wiz Khalifa, dude. But yeah, I just, I like a grasshopper. I think they're dope. It's a real summertime bug. Total summertime bug. Yeah, it makes me think of the summer for sure. Yeah. In Old Rib City,

we've been getting some grasshoppers lately, which doesn't seem like it was a thing when I first moved there. I had grasshoppers in my doesn't seem like it was a thing when i first moved there i had grasshoppers in my youth okay yeah for sure you're talking about the cookies right talking about the cookies i'm talking about i'm talking about the bugs i'm talking about uh mr miyagi talking to ralph macchio dude it's good ralph real weird this 9 a.m at 9 a.m i pronounce ralph as r Rolf you said you said Rolf and it reminded me that I know a dude named Rolf you know Rolf I know two Rolfs one with a

you know two Rolfs I know a Rolf too I know I know a guy whose first name is Rolf yeah kind of sound of music ass company yeah bro i got ralph i i did but i didn't uh like it so i said hey man thank god thank you i appreciate that you gotta get that out of your life get the ralph out baby uh grasshoppers are one of those bugs that they're like we should we should be eating this like in the future they say we're gonna be eating grasshoppers it's very those bugs that they're like, we should be eating these. Like in the future, they say we're going to be eating grasshoppers. It's very juicy. There's a lot of meat on it for a bug. High protein.

They can get big too, grasshoppers. Maybe not two feet, but they get big. They're popping off in Denver right now. I mean, there's thousands of them everywhere. Every time of year. They're popping off. It's like Sturgis for grasshoppers in Denver right now. Uh-huh.

Yeah, dude. It's wild, man. Getting in knife fights, cooking up meth. Jumping out. Spitting tobacco. They do it like other cultures already eat grasshoppers just for fun. For fun and cuisine. Have you ever eaten a bug, Josh?

Like a prepared bug? I have, yep. Yeah? Do you notice? Like, does it taste different? I mean, I've eaten a lot of crickets. That's like a thing now

that they're trying to replace. Trying to force on us? Yeah, yeah. Which is fine. If you can, if you can choke them down, more power to you. You know,

when you get one of those errant legs stuck in your throat, it's worse than a pube. Doesn't seem like it'd be great. I need a cricket, I think. I was never a bug eater, but I don't have anything against it.

On paper, I'm pretty fine with it. We'll talk about it more. It's like one mental ledge you gotta get over. And I feel like once you get over that hump, you're good. It's like jumping off a cliff into a lake. You're like, that wasn't so bad. I'm not weird about it. I'll eat any meat. I don't really care.

One night I did eat a lot of live mealworms. Oh, that feels brutal, though. I was at a Halloween party for a bunch of zookeepers. Of course. You're going to have to be more specific. We've all found ourselves in that position. It was in Seattle, and they had brought like a Chex Mix, and they had brought like a Chex Mix,

but then they dumped like four dozen mealworms into it. So it was just writhing. The Chex Mix was just moving around. Undulating. And I just kept eating the mealworms. I was just drunk and high enough where it was a good idea. Do zookeepers party pretty hard? Oh, yeah.

They're wild. I got a lot of zookeeper friends here in Denver. The head of the, like, pachyderms. And they have this thing called Dirty Lunch, where once a week, they'll get together and eat lunch together and just tell the dirtiest stories about like cleaning up elephant shit or whatever like you know giving a rhino enema or something and they're just eating while they talk about it yeah i guess once you've helped an elephant fuck, everything is on the table. Right, right. What's gross anymore?

What's gross? What even is that? Vegetables. Still gross after all that. The grasshopper, yeah. A wonderful summer bug. One of the few that Sean Jordan doesn't find disgusting. And the second pick in your all-fantasy-everything everything bugs draft david time for your pick i gotta pick this out of like like sean said he had a respect fix that's what this is i have a reverence towards this thing i think the

size of it and the amount that we have to deal with them is like crazy and how much it affects different things i'm picking the mosquito oh yeah absolutely just like the magnitude of like all the shit we have to do like the battle industries we have industries built towards controlling these things they they can kill us and they're this fucking big that's amazing yeah it is yep it's what Bill Gates has like devoted his, like all of his money to fighting is this bug. Right. Right.

Like, it's like this, this, this, like just the, the magnitude of it is pretty insane for something. That's, you know,

one, one thousandth of our size. It's killed millions, millions, millions, millions. Everybody has a personal mosquito story have you ever thought about that like no one there's a lot of people

who have never been like assaulted by a human everyone has a story where they're like yo mosquitoes fucked me up take your blood it's crazy they come and steal your blood that's so gnarly we had to end the camping trip early because of mosquitoes

when I was a kid we got up to the lake and the lake was just hot. Like the lake was hot with mosquitoes. And we were just like, no, pack it up. We're going back home. This is not worth it. You can hear a hum over everything of just them out there in the woods. It's insane. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just, yeah, it's like it's just yeah it's great it's crazy it's crazy do mosquitoes they do like suck your blood is that what they eat yeah i think so they eat blood like that's their that's what gets them by i don't know what else they're doing with it they're not selling it on the mosquito market it's just wild to me that they just come it's one of those things you know growing up but then I never looked into it obviously

but yeah they just eat blood here's a fact for you only female mosquitoes bite that seems right might as well take the mosquito off of that. I actually got malaria the last time I was in Senegal. See? It is not fucking around.

Malaria is brutal. What is it like? I felt like I fell out of a nine-story building and then got hit by a Mack truck. Like, every joint in my body was, like, just in such pain. 106 temperature.

Oh, my God. And I don't remember, like, three days of that time. How long did it last? Like, how long was it total? So, my host family, after a week, was like, well, we better go take care of this white guy now.

They took me to the doctor and I got a shot. After the shot, it took another two to three days before I was able to walk around. God, that was a bummer. It was brutal. Did you, were you on mefloquine?

Like, was it like you were taking precautions and you still got it? Yeah, I was taking mefloquine and I still got it. God damn. The host family, I was doing an internship in Dakar at the zoo there. So I lived on the zoo grounds and the house that i was in didn't have any windows or anything so just the walls were covered in mosquitoes oh that sounds so gnarly and i did have a mosquito net but even with that i still got that those wet man in sierra leone i forgot to put up my mosquito

net the first time I was there and I woke up and it was like it looked like I had growths on my butt it's like they're so crazy they wave if you get those big ones they like they wave yeah it's like a charcuterie board at that point

and then I put all that calamine lotion or whatever on so I just God I'm just picturing a gang of mosquitoes being like oh they didn't close the net bro I cannot wait that dude till he gets when I see the eyeballs moving when he's in REM sleep I'm gonna go nuts so were you taking mefloquine too?

yeah yeah I never got malaria but yeah I was taking mefloquine did it give you crazy dreams? I don't think so. I mean, being in Africa will do that alone. That's what I mean. It's like such a wild experience. I don't think I had any crazy dreams.

Is it something you take just to get your body right to deal with the different... It's malaria medicine. Yeah, it's basically... Oh, okay, just preemptive malaria meds? Yeah, you take it every day, but that's one of the side effects is like trippy-ass dreams. That sounds tight. Yeah, it was pretty cool when you're like 16 and you're like, whoa!

Chained up angel on your malaria meds. Yeah, I don't want to see that. I got it out of frame. Thank you. The mosquito. The Mosquito. A respect pick. I'm going to do a respect pick too. Your pick

and my first pick are two bugs that call into question human status as the dominant creature on this planet. I'm taking the ant. I can get more specific specific if i have to but i'm you know no we have we have an ant infestation in the house right now as we do

every summer because like what you can't do anything about them i have a lot of respect for ants dana every time she sees an ant acts like she just got news that like the president got shot or something like that. She'll walk into the kitchen and I'll hear, oh, fuck. And it's like, there's like six ants in the kitchen. But I don't know. I grew up with ants. We have like sugar ants in the kitchen like every summer just because we grew up next to a swamp. And it's like, I kind of don't up next to a swamp and it's like i kind of i kind

of don't mind living in a peaceful harmony with the ants they build these huge civilizations they have like these massive nests like i think it's beautiful and kind of cool they're all impressive yeah unstoppable man unstoppable the leaf cutter ants like in the amazon who like build those like uh balls so they can travel down the river and they're just like yeah some of us are gonna die but we're gonna make it where the nest needs to go it's amazing yeah man and it's just fun like i'm with you and like laura doesn't she gets a little more bum than i do about ants at the crib but just the organization they're all in one line doing just working on a project i'm like

humans don't do that. This is fun. It's like, and they're not hurting anything. They're not like chewing through the floor. They're fine. You know, it's all right. I used to let carpenter ants at the Middleman Jewish Community Center where I attended preschool, which it'll be, it's all in the book.

It's all in the book. I would let carpenter ants just kind of bite my finger and then hold them up. And be like, Oh, look at that. Look at that. I mean, I used to lay on the ground and eat ants at Dennis the menace park when I was

like four, I just lay on the ground. Is that the real name of a park? Mm-hmm. That's where we had that hollowed out tank. That was what we played on. Nobody else from soup falls to name the park after, huh?

Not like a mayor or anything? Shit. Well, Dennis the Menace it is. Is there any connection to Sioux Falls for Dennis the Menace or were they just like, I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

Even better. Even better. I don't think Dennis the Menace grew up here or anything. Somebody's smoking at a meeting decided to just like, kids like Dennis the Menace, right? Dennis the Menace.

Dude, I think in Alabama they have, I think it was at Laura's mom's house, they have big fire ants. Those are really scary. Oh, yeah. Those fuck you up. And in Michigan, too. And they were telling me,

like, seriously, be careful. It's like it does suck to get bit, I guess, by a fire ant. I never got it. They got an ant in the Amazon called the bullet ant, and they say getting bit by one of those because they're venom,

it feels like getting shot. God, that would be insane. Yeah. I'd be so pissed. Oh yeah. Like to feel like you got shot, but not actually have the, like the scar to prove it. No, it was like, I got shot. I got bit by an ant, but like everybody says nobody would believe you. It's like a bone bruise where you're like, it feels like it got broken. You know what I mean? It's actually worse. When kids used to run that, like, well, I got a bone bruise where you're like it feels like it got broken you know it's actually worse when kids used to run that like well i got a bone bruise but the doctor said it's like worse than breaking it so come on that was right there along the lines of my cousin is dating nicky taylor just those dumb those dumb grade school lies yeah dude yeah nicky taylor sydney crawford i forgot about sydney i had one who said

like his cousin went to japan i got a different kind of nintendo than we had let's see i always said that i was dating i was dating sydney crawford and then i just let them mess it up and they're like oh my god sean's dating sydney crawford but it was sydney this girl i grew up with sydney crawford sydney sounds a lot like cindy you see was there was there an actual sydney crawford no there wasn't but no boy did that fall yeah how'd that work out for you not well nice effort man yeah you gotta try you gotta try this a good try. It was a good try. Aim small, miss small. Yeah, you're a hooper.

You're just getting shots. That's all right. Hey, so when I was in Senegal when I was 15 and we did that identify a bug of the day or whatever, over the course of the time, we identified 25 different ants in our yard. Gee. In your yard? Yeah. That's sick.

Yeah. That's crazy. 25 different? Different ones. That's sick. Yeah. That's crazy. 25 different? Different ones from like, That's a real like melting pot for the ants. Big ones, so these tiny little,

like barely visible little guys. Yeah. There's a vast diversity in the ant kingdom. Some of them, I'm on an ant facts page right now.

Of course you are. As I want to be. Some of them live for 30 years. Are you serious? Yeah. That's crazy. The Hagonomyrmex oehii

live up to 30, and this is according to National Geographic Kids, 30 years, dude. That's longer than my life expectations. These ants are older than Tupac.

Just to put it in terms Sean Jordan will understand. I understand. Yeah, you got it. Ants. Amazing. I remember the stat that the collective weight of ants on the planet is greater than the collective weight of humans on the planet. And that's also terrifying to think about.

That is terrifying. If they ever get organized, man, we're all fucked. They figure it out. It's a wrap. What's the deal with the nuke? Especially? The ants get the nuke, dude? Let me get Ant Oppenheimer.

All right. Time for my second pick. I i mean i'm taking i'm i'm bees bees oh yeah come on man it pained me when we were finishing the deck we had just a like an infestation we had to just put traps out and kill a bunch of them i hate doing that i hate killing bugs why'd you have to put the traps out to kill bees dude laura's worried about max getting getting murked i mean they were like 30 40 at a time just on the deck honeybees no like just stingy bees you know a little bit little guys those little bees just everywhere wow i think that's a federal crime now. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that, dude. Isaac, put air horns over everything I just said.

Just a bunch of air horns, please. Isaac, can you add the FBI to the Zoom? I mean, you know they're listening in, dude. FBI's always listening. Yeah. Trying to stir my cool head. Getting stung by a bee undoubtedly sucks i mean that sucks we can put that aside but it's a suicide mission for the bees so you got to respect that too and then

these are some stuff bees got going for them aesthetically pleasing bees they have a look they stick with it a lot of them are fuzzy little guys and that's cool and the ones that aren't kind of look like they're wearing like a really complex leather jacket. And I like that too. You know what I mean? Like they look like they're wearing like one of like the Rough Riders, like sort of like, oh, there's like a lot of different kinds of leather that went into this motorcycle jackets.

Yeah. I like that. So it's either that or they look like they're wearing a fur coat. They have a color scheme. I appreciate that. Their eyes are cool. Huge pollinators, like we wouldn't have the food chain without bees. And that's important. And that's why you shouldn't kill them.

Yeah, so maybe weigh that against like, you know what I mean? Don't make me feel any worse than I do. Maybe it was a different version of that. Oh yeah, whatever, bro. It might have been wasps. White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. A lot of those in your neighborhood, bro. Yeah, I think it could have been, it might have been wasps. White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. A lot of those in your neighborhood, bro.

A lot of those in your neighborhood. You shouldn't feel bad. You should make Laura feel bad. Isaac, add Laura to the Zoom. Yeah, get her in here. Let's get Sean's wife on. Yeah, they're like, they're a bug that can hover they work together they got a queen dude i don't know i like everything about them they're sick honey is delicious

come on we've been working in cooperation honey doesn't expire uh it's so insane isn't that crazy there's like i didn't know that that's crazy didn't they find some honey in like the pyramids and it was still good yeah you could still eat it Didn't they find some honey in the pyramids and it was still good? Yeah, you could still eat it. You could still eat this honey from the pyramids. They tripped balls, but it was good. That's what I'm looking for. They had malaria dreams.

I mean, that'll happen in Africa one way or another. And the honey tastes like what flowers they're around too which i think is really interesting you can get like spicy honey from certain flowers i've got like lavender honey that tastes like lavender that we got from uh this lavender farm in france and like it's just amazing man it's amazing what these bugs have been able to do and that we've been able to like work in with them. Well, maybe parasitic, maybe not so cooperation,

but we take it and it's dope. You've got to wear a cool hat to interact with them. Smoke puts them to sleep. It's just fun, dude. Bees. It's like me. Yeah. David, you picked mosquitoes,

and now it's time for your second pick. All right. First one, I went with brawn. This one, I got to go with beauty. Just like these ones are like, have you ever, when you see them, it makes you think that things are going to be okay. Like, I'm picking butterflies. Just like for something that beautiful and that small.

Like, you ever been to like a butterfly pavilion like they have one in denver but like you just go in and it's such a fucking trip and they're so gentle and they're so they're so slight like their wings are so it's just like it's just like such a delicate beautiful thing to be so small it's really it's really amazing so yeah butterflies man yeah man they're also grown them when you're a kid right did you guys ever do that in school so fun dude it's the so exciting like yeah i just they're beautiful and there's so many too yeah yeah yeah and just like the way that they're gentle is just like i don't know it's just a really interesting energy to it yeah they're absolutely gorgeous i've never I don't know. It's just a really interesting energy to it.

Yeah, they're absolutely gorgeous. I've never actually had one land on me. It's always like a life goal. I feel it's very achievable to get a butterfly to land on me somewhere. Yeah, because they know that you kill bees. Yeah, man. I already feel bad about it. I'm going to feel bad all day now.

Word is on the street, dude. I'm not going to stop. I know. It's going to make me feel worse the whole time. You thought the bees didn't have shooters? I hope they do. I I'm not going to stop. I know. It's going to make me feel worse the whole time. You thought the bees didn't have shooters? I hope they do. I hope I get my comeuppance for it. You're going to get your come down in.

I hope I get stung right on a nipple. Right on the eyeball, dude. Man, when I was in middle school, this kid, Waylon, stunned a bee and then threw it down my shirt. So it stung me. And it did. It stung me like a centimeter away from my nipple. Awesome. You have an origin story at least.

That's where it started. That's where it started. This is a pretty well-known fact. Butterflies taste with their feet. So when they land on you, they're getting a good taste of whatever it is you got going on. I had no idea that that was... You could just

tell me stuff. I'd believe it. You don't remember the butterfly... Did you not do that in school where you grew them and you came in every day to watch? You never had that? We're more on the knife end of butterflies in my schools. Also, a thing that you gotta respect is beauty

gotta respect beauty the largest butterfly in the world was the Queen Alexandra's bird wing with a wingspan of over 25 centimeters the smallest the western blue pygmy only 2 centimeters damn

I would love to see a butterfly that big that's 25 that it's huge no i i saw a moth here in denver that was like my daughter was like daddy there's a big moth in the living room i'm like yeah whatever then i went in the oh shit look at that thing it was like when they start getting that big, it does start to seem a little less cute and a little more evil. It's prehistoric. This was sent

by a creature older than God to let me know my time was coming to an end. Yeah, which is like their body's like a pine cone, and it's just huge. You can see the details that you couldn't see in those monks. Butterflies can see colors that humans can't. Whoa.

And they're racist about them. That's what it says on this website. How does that... I mean, I'm not a genius. Not to go too deep into it. How does that even work? Like there's the spectrum of colors are able to see is greater than ours. Let me dig into it.

But I think so. Yeah, that's like, that's insane. Bees and butterflies have four color receptor cones in their eyes so they can see an amazing spectrum of colors including ultraviolet colors that we can't see but they don't see much in the way of detail so i guess they i i they can zoom in on color more i i don't know i'm dumb dude no you're not i'm dumb you know i mean you're no butterfly i'm no butterfly. I mean, we could be different kinds of dumb. I'm dumb about this, though. There's enough dumb to go around, guys. There's room for all of us. Not on this show, baby.

Let's not just plant our flag and dumb, dude. Wait. Does that mean they can see infrared? All right. I'll do this by myself. I'll do this by myself. Yeah. I'll do this by myself. They see like Pred myself yeah i'll do this by myself they seem like predator that's what i'm getting yeah butterflies are predator yeah they're what i'm talking about though where they start out gross

dude like they started out as little caterpillars and then they and then they make a nest out of their own body the world is gross and then they become butterflies gotta love it gotta love it yeah man sex rules sex rules uh i'm gonna go with uh another bug that doesn't terrify me but still a bug and just a beautiful beautiful little noisemaker i'm gonna go with the cricket the aforementioned cricket okay yeah i'm just a fan of the cricket i like the noise the peaceful cricket noise which another thing i feel like i didn't get a lot of in portland but i got it growing up here and i just love it like i was out last night you just hear everywhere it's just soothing and calming and they're just trying to get laid right that's what that noise is

just out there trying to smash probably yeah I like it cricket we go to the pet store a lot and when it's super hot out we'll just go kill time at the pet store Max loves looking at the crickets there's just thousands of them they're just fun only male crickets chirp I'll tell you that

because the girls don't have to they don't have to if that's true the one that's stuck in my house is very horny Because the girls don't have to. They don't have to. If that's true, the one that's stuck in my house is very horny. That motherfucker won't shut up. You just can't find it? I can't find him. He's up under the couch.

I like that you're in the same family. Similar to first picks yeah you like it I mean I think I have to levy a criticism here you going grasshoppers crickets back to back yeah I was going to go a different one but you feel like you got that like sort of grasshopper you got that category sewn up dude

he also didn't know what a bug was though yeah that's true this is a complicated yeah a lot of figuring for me dude. He also didn't know what a bug was, though. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, this is complicated. Yeah, it's a lot of figuring for me. I don't know. I think a lot of it just because I've been so heavily in that grasshopper cricket

environment for the last five days, and I love it, and it reminds me of growing up and my city and everything. So, yeah, I don't know. I love crickets. I just like the noise. I'll say it's a terrible one-two pick. One or the other? Great. But you're going grasshoppers, then crickets? Yeah. I'm sorry to do this on the

heels of you feeling bad about bees. That's what he's feeling, man. I'm sorry to do this on the heels of you talking about bees like that. You're not sorry. But it is a draft. You ain't sorry. You're giving it to me. I get it. I'm not sorry. You don't have to apologize. I am sorry that you'm not sorry. You don't have to apologize. I am sorry that you feel bad about the bees, but you should feel bad about going grasshoppers crickets.

Terrible about the bees. Not bad. Terrible. I do not like it. I do not like putting out ant traps. I do not like any. In high school, I'll tell you, or not high school, college, when me and Nick Mampay, not on the podcast, not in the room, lived together, we had a, hopefully this makes you feel better, a hive of bees in our porch.

So there was like, in our porch, we lived in a house together and there were beehives that lived in the porch and there was a little hole and they would fly in and out of it. And they never really bothered us. But for some reason, we just kept asking our landlord, like, can you do something about this giant hive of bees in the porch? And he was like, yeah, sorry, bro. They've lived there longer than you have,

which I guess that's the Portland shit to say. That's awesome. So like one day Nick, Nick man, pay like dressed up in, I guess what his version of beekeeper clothes were. So he just put on as many layers of like Nike employee store, sweatpants and shirts that like he could throw on as many layers of like nike employee store sweatpants

and shirts that like he could throw on and then a hat and then ski goggles and then like we tried to get rid of the bees by putting rice in the hole and then hose water rice in the whole hole of the bees nest and then putting hose water in there and I think the thought was the rice would expand and take up all the bee room. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, it didn't work and the bees swarmed on Nick Nampay and chased them away, but I think we killed way more than 40 bees.

I'm going to get clarification because now I feel insane. If they weren't bees, you don't have to believe me, but I'm going to ask Laura what they were because I thought they were bees, but maybe they were wasps would that be any different wasps yeah wasps kill them all man yeah yeah yeah wasp i'm gonna ask her i'm gonna ask her the second we get done uh eventually they came back he calls it like a humane bee removal place and they came and got him and moved him to like another nest that wasn't in a p. But yeah, he like went Rambo on these bees and the bees, they hit back. The bees won.

Grasshopper cricket, back to back. Grasshopper cricket. Awful. Back to back, baby. Terrible, dude. This is one of my exercises in self-confidence. I have to own it. I love my first two picks.

All right. Josh, come for your second and third picks as it is a serpentine draft. Grasshoppers and crickets, both off the board. Same person picked him. Back to back. He likes what he likes. He likes what he likes.

Well, I'm going to have to go with the praying mantis. Yeah. Nice. One of my favorite bugs of all time. Astronauts flying around. Oh, so sick. Little badass. They look insane, like aliens. uh they're just so stealth and

so many different kinds and and their their camouflage is on point it is for sure it's like you feel lucky when you see one you know what i mean where you're like you're always nobody's like bummed to see a praying mantis everyone's like oh, oh, come look. I was at, where are the beavers? That's Corvallis, Oregon. Yeah, right. So I was there and I was shooting this thing. And there was a- You were shooting, you were cast in the student,

like the Oregon State University. They still use, I think. Student commercially. Sean Jordan is the face of Oregon State University. Ironically, a man they called Beaver back in the day, the face of the Beavers. I'm standing outside waiting to get in. It's like 6 in the morning and there's a praying mantis on the wall. I was so excited. Every student that walked by, I'm much older than a college student, but they walk by, I'd be like,

there's a praying mantis right here on the wall. Probably 30 kids walked by me. I tried to get all of them to look and nobody even kind of cared that there was a mantis on the wall yeah get away from me you weirdo do you even go here no but it's a commercial i'd have been fucking tiktok dude that's beautiful man they're so beautiful i feel i like i think you could take like the king of england and if like there was a praying mantis on the wall he'd run over a bit oh my god come look everybody come look that's how i fucking feel i'm so stoked every time i

see a praying mantis also they like the women don't they like the decapitation, that's what I was going to say. They like cut the head off before they bait, right? Yeah. Crazy move. Wild move. That's bold for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not for me, but I'm not going to. That's true.

That's a good point. That's a good point. You get one shot on that move. Yeah. Yeah, you only get to try it once. That's the problem it's something I don't want to develop a taste for

anyways also the praying mantis style of martial arts yeah the northern praying mantis and the southern praying mantis well and if you look at my palsy hand, it kind of looks like that, too.

There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The palsy hand is like a mantis for sure. The mantis that you can strike with that shit. I never thought of that before. All right. There you go. Yeah.

You got a mascot now. Yeah. The praying mantis and a devout creature. Yeah. And they fly standing up, right? I'm not making that up, right? They fly like an astronaut with a jet pack kind of? I think so.

I think you're right. Yeah. It's so sick. We were in Kentucky the first time I ever saw a praying mantis, and I didn't know what it was. It was at the skate park, and all these kids were flipping out. Yeah, I was freaked out because I didn't know bugs could fly. It was at the skate park and all these kids were flipping out. Yeah, I was freaked out because I didn't know bugs could fly standing up.

It was real dank. No, it's scary looking for sure too. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of those ones where like, if we're lucky, it's small. Yeah, if they were our size, holy fuck. Big mantis?

Fucking Starship Troopers, dude. Oh yeah, we wouldn't have a chance. No. I mean, that's the case with all these things, right? Like, if any of these were as big as we are, we'd be iced out. They're so strong.

They're also just like, physically, they're so strong. If house cats were bigger, we wouldn't stand a chance. Even a cricket or a grasshopper. Back to back. Even the lowly cricket. Josh, time for your third pick.

I'm going to go with cockroach. Yeah. Nice, dude. Nice, nice, nice. Just straight up admiration. The amount of power it holds just by showing itself. People flee. People scream.

Terrifying. And they're just so prolific. Yeah. You have to admire the cockroach. Yeah, they survive everything. You have to. Even though you think they're gross, you got to be like, look at this dude.

And like you said, John, it's just sheer power over everyone. I don't understand why it's grosser than other bugs. Is it because it has furry little legs? It doesn't help. Is it the color of a 1970s leather jacket? I don't get it. It looks like a cigar butt.

Yeah. You're so gnarly. I just started seeing them in Denver now. I had never seen them here before, but I saw them by Comedy Works the other night, and then I saw them in that parking garage across the way. I was like, oh shit, here we go. It's on. It's on.

They are, man, yeah, they're so resilient but that's a strong animal right there. It can live for a week without its head. I believe that. It can hold its breath for 40 minutes. It can run three miles in an hour.

I can't do that. That is terrifying. Yeah, those stats are fucking, they're like a super soldier. That's probably why it's so terrifying. They're just so quick. And they're just like, don't go in a straight line either. They just kind of dart all over. Yeah, it's like hard to...

Yeah. There's a South American cockroach that is six inches long and has a one foot wingspan. Oh, no. The American cockroach has shown an attraction to alcohol. All right, baby.

Well, true American. Yeah. Yeah. And they can live for a month without food. Cockroaches, man. Yeah. Now, a cockroach, I would rather have a rattlesnake 10 feet away from me than like four cockroaches. Then like Cucaracha?

Really? It will make me jump on the... Yeah, dude. I don't know why I can't... I'm trying. I try. I just can't get past it. Oh, I got a good cockroach story the same trip that i

got that malaria i was in the um mosquito netting and i felt something walk across my chest in the middle of the night and i knew that like i'd have to get up and uh you know like untuck the netting and figure it out so So instead of doing that, I just grabbed whatever it is and I crushed it with my hand and I just threw it over because I didn't want to have to deal with it. And in the morning

it was just a big-ass cockroach laying on his back. Just one leg kicking still. Oh no, it's still going! He could have gone for another three months apparently you ain't getting me i'm all right i'm all right so i have a question if you um how do i put it so if uh you're in a sleeping bag and there's a cockroach in there do you think you could fall asleep like fall into like rem sleep no knowing i don't

think knowing i mean eventually well yeah you shut down but like yeah i don't know i don't i don't think just be so nuts that's something you have to deal with like i said even even just knowing it was in the expanse of the whole mosquito net, I knew that it would keep coming back and walk out. And your body is trained to wake up when something walks across your bare flesh. There's something primal about cockroaches where there must be something deep in our lizard brain that's like, fix this. Do something about this shit. So I don't think you can find many people who could fall asleep in a cockroach. Is that like Navy SEAL training?

It should be, man. I don't know. It should be. I mean, to be able to calm your shit that much, just harness yourself and be like, I don't care. There's no way. I don't even think I'd... I honestly think I would just be awake until I died

if there was a cockroach in the same sleeping bag as me. Yeah. Yeah. Dark, dude. Let's avoid that. I don't want that to happen at all. I dig it, man.

I dig it. Sean, it's time for your pick. Grasshoppers and crickets. I don't know if there's any other bugs in that family because workers are technically grasshoppers. My confidence has been pierced, but I'm still going to... I sort of want you to pick another one now. Yeah, go lean into it, man. No, ladybugs.

I like a ladybug. Okay, there we go. Yeah. They're beautiful. They've spawned clothing. There's just all kinds of marketing behind. Everybody loves a ladybug. Okay, there we go. Yeah. They're beautiful. They've spawned clothing. There's just all kinds of marketing behind. Everybody loves a ladybug. And when you get under the wings,

ladybugs are a pretty gross little bug. So they hide it pretty well. They're just like magical looking. A lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. That's what you're saying here. Yeah, a bug in the sheets, dude. Lady in the streets, a bug in the sheets. Try to fall asleep.

They're also incredibly useful. Like, they eat aphids. So in gardening, you, like, put some ladybugs in there, and they will eat the bugs that will, like, destroy your plants. Aphid is fun to say, though. I will say that. Aphid is fun to say. Aphid is fun to say.

It's a fun little word. Yeah, ladybugs, man. Who doesn't like a ladybug? They're dope. Yeah, I feel like you're so right on that. Like, ladybug is the only bug I can think of that everybody would hold and not freak out.

But that's the thing. If you take their little candy shell off, and they're just a bug. It looks like every other bug, you know, but they got the little candy shell. What's the deal with the dots? When we were kids, we used to make like that's how old it was or something. How many dots were on their wing? I'm sure it's not true.

I heard that too, but that seems too obvious. They can't be getting more dots. I mean, you're telling me a ladybug is eight years old? Come on. Well, we don't bring that up, but you know. Yeah, you never mention a ladybug's age. Never tell a ladybug she looks pregnant. Never mention the age.

They live two to three years in the wild. They can eat 5,000 other bugs in their lifetime. And their coloring is to tell predators, hey, I taste gross. They look like M&Ms. These predators, they better not find out about candy. No. They look like M&M's These predators

They better not find out About candy They secrete an Oily Foul tasting fluid From the joints in their legs If they're If they're eaten

See Gangster shit Get you on the way out That's always a gangster Like Sorry to bring a predator again But If I'm going

You're going too Sorry to bring a predator again I know I always do this Sorry I brought a predator earlier But Yeah If I'm going out I'm taking some of your taste buds with me. You dirty frog. They are called the ladybug. They was coined by European farmers who prayed to the Virgin Mary when pests began eating their crops.

And then ladybugs came and wiped out the invading insects. So it was basically like these, I guess aphids came in. Then ladybugs were like, Oh shit, it's an aphid buffet. And they came in and then people were like, we're naming you after the Virgin Mary. I like that.

How do you like that? Hell yeah. See, I could have probably sandwiched the ladybug in between a grasshopper and a cricket and gotten a lot less heat for it. Yeah. Definitely give me a way less shit for that. Some though.

Some. Still some? Maybe fifth round you could have gotten the cricket. Ladybugs have been to space. How do you like that? NASA has taken ladybugs and aphids out to outer space to see if they still ladybugs delayed aphids. That being said, I'm pretty sure cockroaches have too.

Yeah, cockroaches have been this way for sure. Accidentally. They found a way. This can be your decision or my decision, but I'm getting on that ship. I like your cockroach. You got a good cockroach on you. Yeah, it's a cockroach.

Oh, there's not enough room for me in this apartment I'm two inches long I live under the fridge Remember Joe's apartment that old show I do remember Joe's apartment Oh shit yeah yeah yeah All the cockroaches like flying off the Like the chandelier or whatever

Oh Joe Yeah that was an awesome show Yeah Back when they did weird shit like that i know they still do weird shows but that was such a weird show it was on mtv right yeah yeah weird ass shit anyway ladybug baby ladybugs david time for your third pick i'm taking this on just pure looks alone the intimidation factor you see it like people have tattoos of it and shit i'm taking this on just pure looks alone. The intimidation factor. You see it like people have tattoos of it and shit. I'm taking a scorpion.

Yeah, dude. They just fucking. Like, if you want, like, a bug that just looks like a badass, it doesn't get much. It looks like a tank or like some kind of assault vehicle. Yeah. Like, my buddy had one. We named it Terrell, and it was just the hardest looking thing.

It was, oh, scorpions are so dank. Yeah. They're awesome. Just that tail. Ugh. And just like the, the setup, like the angle that it's on feels like aggressive, you know, like the way the tails. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like, you know what it reminds me of? It's like a drag race car. Yeah. Yeah. Like one of those funny cars. They're in California, right? They got scorpions?

Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. They're in your backyard right now. Do we have them in Oregon? Scorpions live everywhere pretty much below, like, the tundra. Really? Also, have you ever seen them under a black light they glow like a like fluorescent like blue or whatever okay not below the tundra so it's like there is but there's like

a line they live uh they're so they're not in england but they are in france and they're barely in canada but they are in america man yeah i've never seen a wild i've never just seen a scorpion i've only seen them in like pet stores and stuff i've never seen a wild. I've never just seen a scorpion. I've only seen him in like pet stores. I've never seen one wild either. I would. I'd like to keep that going. I used to catch him. I used to catch him in Senegal and I had a cage that we'd put them in.

And then I didn't see it for like three weeks and it just, it had escaped in our home. just it had escaped in our home and uh i didn't tell my mom and then one day i went to get in the shower and it had grown like three size it had got in the shower and it was a big boy just in their lifting weights in just like a few weeks yeah it was like uh there were so many bugs in our house that it was living off of that it just, it was big. I don't know. It's like in a contained environment. That's crazy. I don't know that I could function until I, I don't know what I would do if I saw a scorpion get loose in the house. Well, there were just so many other bugs in the house too that just lived there normally

yes you know you just had to deal with it what can you do oh yeah you get used to anything man after a while you get used to anything scorpions vegetables bugs yeah you know what i mean their front claws are so big that they just kind of like walk like a buff dude at the gym like a short buff dude and they got the Like a short buff dude. And they got the lobster pinchers too. Yeah. And they're huge. They're so big compared to the size of the rest of their body. Oh, they're gnarly.

If the stinger wasn't enough, let's add some lobster claws, you know? Right. Exactly. They went to the buffet and they said both. They went to the carving station and they said ham and roast beef pile it up dude well sir normally you can only get one

well this isn't normal is it I'd like them both I paid money they get very big too have you seen those some of them are like the size of people's hands and shit like they get they get those big ones would be scary as shit I couldn't imagine

they do start looking like lobsters kind of when they're big like that they get all like nobule yeah yeah my stepdad had one that uh from south america that was like he had it was like dead or whatever but he had it in like a glass case and it was like probably long. Crazy. This is the main glass case bug. This is a big glass case bug for sure. And they live in tequila well. Yeah, they do. They thrive. Another way I'm like

a scorpion. Are they delicious? They do have a lot in common with lobsters. Can you eat it? Oh, you want to crack open a scorpion claw? Let's cook up a scorpion. Let's see what happens.

Eat a scorpion roll, go up to Maine. I mean, this is an arachnid. Now, we've mostly drafted insects so far, but that's an arachnid, which opens the door. I mean, it was coming, right? These other, right? We'll see. I mean, we'll see. Yeah. I was going to say, you know, arachnid, which opens the door. I mean, it was coming, right? I mean, we'll see. I was going to say,

you know, arachnid. It is in the arachnid family, which is weird, but does that not count? Why? Just because it has eight legs? We specifically drafted bugs and not insects. But it's

such a great example of what we're talking about. That's where the I think, you know. But it's such a great example of what we're talking about. That's where the size things come into play. Because like a big scorpion, I don't think of as a bug, but like one of those little guys, like, yeah, it's a bug. But that's just me. It's a size thing, you know. You're a size queen. Yeah, I'm a size queen.

Yeah. Good. It's time for my third and fourth pick So my third pick I'm going pure aesthetics I'm going a bug That doesn't even live That I've never seen on the west coast You gotta go to the east coast or maybe the midwest

To see this bug I'm taking the firefly Oh yeah The lightning bug I mean i'm sure it has other names i don't know i didn't think about that they're pretty cool the lampira did the last time i saw him was in ashville north carolina where david i believe you'll be soon yeah tomorrow yeah uh we have them here i saw a couple last night there's that dakota yeah it's another bug that makes me think of the summertime. It's a big time summer bug.

The glow worm, the lightning bug, the firefly. You're sitting on the porch. You're having a beverage. Maybe it's an iced tea. Maybe it's a little harder than that. Just off in the distance, there's these glowing little lanterns. I love them. There's something very pacifying about seeing some lightning bugs.

It reminds me of Grandma and grandpa's house. Yeah. Like, for sure. For sure. For sure. Yeah. There it's crazy that they'd like actually light up.

Right. Yeah, dude. They made those weird little toys in the eighties. Like the glow worm kids. You remember those? You ever see those? Yeah.

The glow worm. It was called. Yeah. I remember see those? Yeah, the glowworm it was called. Yeah, I remember. I had one. Shit was weird. Yeah, those things are so, I mean, what is it that makes them light up? The actual glowworm? Batteries, right? Oh, yeah.

But the actual glowworm, it's like a they have phosphorescence in their butt. Nice, dude. I imagine to do something with attracting mates. I mean, like, that's what everything is for, right? I can't imagine. Well, Mike and Flo would be a lot easier.

Yeah. For sure. You would need an angel in a tower chained up. My sisters. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. or chained up. That's my sisters. Even for a second that you thought that was at my real house, Ian. My word. It's early. I didn't think I did. So great.

Even for one second. Don't fucking lash out at me because you're embarrassed by taking grasshoppers and crickets back to back. Had to bring it back to back. Had to bring it back to that, didn't we? That's right. I'm a gladiator, dude.

You want to get in the arena? At least we're not talking about how you killed all them bees. There we go. I'm sorry. Trust me, man. We had a rat that we just couldn't do anything about and it was starting to chew through the electrical wires and so we had to set a trap and i i almost started crying i saw it and i had to go get my wife like hey i can't i can't go look at it i you can't even look at it no man who am i to do that it makes me feel insane that all this thing's doing is trying to function but and

start chewing through these wires it's like well fuck we did everything for months we tried to like catch it in a humane way block the hole off to the house like and then you got so so much respect you're like man it it keeps getting through everything so did she dispose of it then or what yeah she's a zoologist so she's like she's real nature style so she's okay she doesn't uh it doesn't she's not as squeamish as i am she's a little more hard i like calling your wife nature style yeah it feels like i'm not allowed to say it but you can say yeah like it feels like something I shouldn't say about your wife. Yeah. Hey, Sean, what's loyal? Oh, you mean she's nature style? Yeah.

Your wife's still nature style? Stop. Stop. What? Yeah, I'm sorry. That's my queen. That's my queen you're dismerging. For lunch.

We're at dirty lunch. For sure. Yeah. Big nature style. It's time definitely my fourth pick and we're going to get to it right after this short break. This episode of

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Again, that's better help. H E L P.com slash all fantasy. Welcome back to our, uh, I'll, I'll leave it in. No, I'll leave it in Isaac. Welcome back to oral fantasy. Everything. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything already in progress.

I just made my third pick, the firefly. We are drafting bugs, and it's time for me to make pick number four. And I'm taking a backyard classic. Oh, no. I'm taking a bug that if you've spent any time outdoors, you love it. It's adorable. It's cute. It goes by many names. It's roly- love it. It's adorable. It's cute. It goes by many names.

It's roly-poly. It's the pill bug. Oh, yeah. I love a roly-poly. Yeah. Sure. Who doesn't love a little roly-poly? Going about its business, just cruising around.

Something happens it doesn't like, it turns into a little circle, and it says, whatever happens from here, it's beyond my control. I've done everything can i got i got the one move i've done it i got the one move here it is i hope everything works out a relatable bug if ever there was one yeah that's like uh yeah that's like one of the first bugs you like know and trust yeah and trust i put my trust in you roly-poly yeah i believe in you i like a roly-poly i do like a roly-poly yeah they're cute any any bug that's actually cute which is a tough ask but i like it a roly-poly is actually cute i I'm looking this up now, and thank God that we're taking bugs and not insects, because the roly-poly is actually a terrestrial crustacean. More closely related to lobsters, crabs, and shrimp than beetles and butterflies.

Wow. Nice. How do you like that? I like it. I like it a lot. So we should be eating roly-polies. Well, you don't eat them every time? No.

They don't urinate. They excrete waste fluid through their shells. Well, that's the last time I hold one of those fucking things. That's right. And they eat their own feces. Every time they poop, they eat it again to obtain nutrients they may have missed in the first digestive cycle. A lot of boxers do that. You know what I mean?

That's common. Yeah. That is lazy to a T right there, man. They can drink through their mouths? No, I'll just eat it again. I'm just going to have leftovers for dinner.

They have a regular mouth and a butt mouth, and they can drink water through both of them? See, now that sounds like one of those lies that a middle schooler tells. Yeah, yeah. There's a butt mouth? My cousin has a butt mouth. He doesn't go to this school,

but he can drink water through it. Yeah, he can't eat out of his butt mouth. Don't be crazy, but he can drink water. Don't ask him about it. He's a little embarrassed. Oh, they can eat metal, too. Copper, zinc, and lead, dude. What? Yeah. Really? How? Yeah, they they're out of here yeah how do they consume like determination they just keep eating it you know they just

keep going and then they poop and then they eat it again yeah that's my problem with eating metal i always stop you can't stop they compost so yeah the roly-poly, man. I just love them. Who has it? Like, you ever like, I mean, poke a little roly-poly? Maybe sometimes give it a flick when you were in your, you know, cooler youth. Oh, many times.

Many times. Roly-poly's a dank, man. I love scaring the shit out of that animal. And imagine how big those were back in the prehistoric times. Oh my God. Like a fucking soccer ball. David, time for your fourth pick. Oh man.

When we said bugs, this is another one that was just right up on the list. Kind of feel bad. This is maybe the meanest I've ever been to uh any of the bugs on my list but i gotta take the just a plain old-fashioned night crawler oh yeah yeah just like gooey juicy nasty dare a weird kid to eat one night crawler put it on a fish with so many of them yeah dug them up i bought them like yeah just just a real common old trusty rusty reliable bug man i bought a big uh can of them and put them in my garden i got i got a bunch of my crawlers in the uh in the garden back there they're amazing when they uh they eat soil and but when they

like shed their exoskeleton like that becomes amazing compost so they're great to have in gardens yeah yeah yeah they're just great uh i just yeah they just make me think of like they really make me think of being a kid or fishing a lot yeah and and you know you see a worm and you're like oh man but when you see a nightcrawler you're like holy fuck that's a lot bigger than that worm yeah exactly so like when you find like a bunch of them, like in the ground, it's like, oh, they're just down here doing their thing.

Yeah. And they're all over too, you know? Yeah, when it would rain, big thunderstorm or whatever, and then you'd go out and we'd always catch them. There'd just be hundreds just everywhere. Yeah, Washington was crazy for that. Sometimes you'd pick one up and it's like

hella longer than you thought it was going to be just like whoa there's like way more worm than I anticipated that's what she said yeah she did they do look a little bit like uncircumcised penises yeah pretty weakly though

you know you have to had to be said had to say it we don't have to dwell on it but they do look like an uncircumcised penis i get it i get it they were also one of those big kids is that an animal you can cut like in half and both sides will grow is that right i think so it'll just like come back it'll just regenerate itself or is that nematodes maybe not but they can survive being cut they can survive being like. They'll just whatever side the

brain is in. Something like that, right? I didn't need a butthole. Yeah, they don't need a butthole. They can grow a new butthole. Yeah, they can grow new buttholes, dude. It's tight. They can grow a new butthole. Butthole. They got butthole mouths. But can they

drink out of it? Is this a bug you've ever eaten, Sean? I don't think so. Yeah. No nightcrawler? I think I have. Maybe. I don't know.

I remember being in school and I saw a teacher eat one. Or like, not a teacher, but like a... How was it? The people who watch you at recess. You know how they're not teachers, but they're outside watching you at recess? Some guy across the street watching you at recess. Some kid's mom's boyfriend putting in FaceTime or some shit. But I remember him eating one at school and being like, whoa, adults can do that? They shouldn't.

No, it was weird. It was weird. can do that oh they shouldn't no it was weird it was a weird there's also now in hindsight weird way to try to get a bunch of like young kids uh to respect you stay away from that guy yeah yeah yeah yeah like what a weird move we better do what he says he'll eat another worm yeah josh when did you eat a nightcrawler? Was it like an Easter party with a bunch of zookeepers? No, no. Separate instances, man. I must have been, you know, before 10 probably, you know, like as a kid.

Just, again, like he said, you know, dare the weird kid to eat the worm. Yeah. I'll flip her down if you like me. Yep. And it was never that outcome. Yeah. It never goes the way you want it to. He's the kid that ate that big-ass worm, man.

Invite the worm kid to the party. That's so rad. They look enough like spaghetti that, like you know it's it's worth trying i mean yeah you're not gonna chew it yeah it goes right down i remember ever since the lion king came out they made bugs look so delicious bugs looked so good in that tomorrow and pumbaa you were like these guys get it yeah but the fuck i don't have to go to 7-eleven 7-eleven is under this log bugs don't taste like that no no sean jordan really dope quite the opposite uh my next pick i just i respect the beauty of it i actually saw one of these in my house the

other day and it didn't terrify me I wasn't excited I was just more like a little shook but like man they just look they look so cool as a millipede yeah you're not grossed out by millipedes of all things not that really so it's like I'm right on the edge because they're so pretty and the legs are short enough to where it's not that crazy to me. But I wouldn't like love to pick one up, but I could. I did.

And I, because I didn't want to kill it, you know, so I, yeah, I just got rid of it. But they're just so cool looking.

Like, it just looks like there's 40 little pieces of armor like all working in here. I mean, that's what it is, but it's just like, it's so fun to watch, you know?

How those legs move in unison is unbelievable. It's crazy. And just, yeah, I don't know. They just look so cool. I don't know. And I've never seen one I don't think ever that wasn't in like a pet store or something. And then we just had one

on our floor the other day. You want some millipede facts hell yeah i want them off top obviously again off the dome this jehovah style uh just stuff you don't write down facts you just sit in the booth and think about the facts for a while and then you just stuff i know about millipedes all the time come up here on the streets and i'll tell you this too they don't actually have a thousand legs most of them have less than a hundred legs, even though millipede is Latin for a thousand feet. The record

for the most legs, 750, which is still a lot of fucking legs, bro. That one would probably bug me out a little bit. I bet you that one's the size of a baseball bat. Yeah. That's insane. And who counted them?

Yeah, who was that guy? One, two, three, four. It was that worm eater from across the street. 78, 79. Fuck. Wait, hold on. Okay, one, two, three, four. Hold still.

Imagine if someone described you like that. Yeah, this is worm eater that lives across the street. Male millipedes have special sex legs called gonopods. Oh, damn. damn Yeah they do He uses them to hand her His sperm packet Here you go my lady Here you are

I've combined my packet Fairly well Fairly well Fossil evidence Suggests that millipedes were the earliest animals to breathe air and move from water to land. Wow. Yeah. I could have got all this before cricket. Now, where I find millipedes delightful, centipedes are just disgustingly loud.

Yeah, I'm the same way. Absolutely. Millipedes are just disgustingly. Yeah, I'm the same way. Absolutely. Absolutely. They seem like creepier, crawlier. I don't know. Oh, dude, if you get, I mean, the centipede game is it. I just, I was just looking a second ago and it's one, it's one of the few that I can't even look at. I just can't.

Yeah. Centipedes behave like the kid who like, like who gave him some who gave him that much Kool-Aid like you know what I mean like at a barbecue or like a family thing just like running all over the place like screaming like god damn calm down I think Indiana Jones ruined it for me

yeah man I would have a tough time reaching in the hole for the bug room I would have a tough time doing that I would do it I would have a tough time reaching in the hole for the bug room i would have a tough time doing that i would do it i would have a tough time doing that anyway fuck centipedes this is all fantasy everything we say fuck centipedes yeah disgusting but shout out to millipedes who has some dignity millipedes can get it but yeah centipedes some goddamn dignity Shout out to millipedes.

Who has some dignity? Millipedes can get it. But yeah, centipedes. Who has some goddamn dignity? Centipedes got nothing for me. Nothing. You can take a millipede to a party. You can. Yeah, yeah.

A millipede's not going to change the mood. Centipede does, man. No, yeah. Centipede absolutely does. Millipede, like you go to the zoo and people would have those big, like the giant millipedes and they would just let it go from hand to hand, all chill. Centipede would be in your mouth before you... Let me in there,

let me in there. Yeah. Josh, time for your fourth and then your final picks, as it is, Serpentine Draft. It is. Well, I'm going to go with the Dung Beetle. Respect, baby.

That's a respectable creature that rolls up some other animal's shit and then pushes it around. You gotta do what you gotta do to survive, my friend. I consider myself an emotional dung beetle. We all know a guy like that, you know? No, I just

think it's a cool animal and what a weird way to evolve and make your living. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. For days. It's a weird one.

I got to see some in Africa. Pretty cool. Are they big? Yeah, they're pretty big. And what do they do with the poop when they roll it around? They eat it. They eat it, right? Roll up dinner and...

I honestly don't know, but again, I think it's for fucking. Yeah. Baby, I made this. Look what I brought you. Genuine giraffe shit, baby.

Baby. It is the world's strongest animal in relation to its size. Oh, damn. It can pull 1,141 times its own body weight in poop. In poop.

It has to be poop, though. Nothing else. Yeah. It's the only thing they get up for like that. It's the only thing that'll motivate them i get it yeah they eat they eat elephant poop cow poop rhino poop you name it they actually don't just live in africa they live on every continent except for antarctica really yeah is there any poop that people eat like is there any kind of like uh like anywhere where they prepare they serve well you know what i mean like is there anywhere like we can eat crickets and chick we poop or is

it all bad for you there is that sorry go ahead josh oh i was just in vietnam and they do the um weasel coffee yeah where the the the animal eats it and shits the coffee bean out, and then it makes it so rich and creamy. Man, you were just in Vietnam. I've been talking about a Vietnam trip with some friends. It's good to hear. Yeah, yeah. We'll talk later. Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, so that's the one thing I know. I mean, I'm sure we've all eaten a few mustards, but for sure. On accident. Hi. Well, let's not just be throwing accident around. It's a weird kid.

That eats the worms. They eat some mustard. Get that worm eater over here. Bring me the worm eater. Uh, honey is honey poop honey could be poop right i don't know what honey is like on paper i have no idea if honey's poop man give me all that poop that's not to look into it yeah you could tell me honey was anything and i whatever i don't give a rip honey's dank it's poop that doesn't go bad it's bee jizz honey is come that's great delicious uh where so your time for your final pick, Josh. All right. This is a weird one because I've never really think I've seen one officially.

I've seen, and it's called an ant lion. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. I got to Google it. So if you look up ant lion, it digs these holes in the ground. And I'm sure you've seen them. It digs these holes in the ground. I'm sure you've seen them.

Basically, ants walk to them, and they slide down the hole, and the bug is underneath the dirt, and it reaches up and grabs it and pulls it underneath. Those things are terrifying. Oh, that's dope, though. It's pretty cool. I've seen them in America. I've seen them in america i've seen them in africa and i would spend hours as a kid like bringing ants to them

here you go buddy hey just helping out the neighbor but it's crazy when they reach up and grab it they like shake it then pull it underneath oh it's got to be what like the uh what like like the rancor pit monster is based off of star wars right yeah it's gotta be what like the what like the Rancor Pit Monster is based off of Star Wars right? Yeah it's totally like that I remember these from there was this game called Sim Ant you know like they had

Sim City and like Sim all that and there was a Sim Ant game where you made like an ant nest but you would have to go out on like food finding missions and there were fucking ant lions out there, bro. Wow. Yeah, they look gnarly. I've never even

heard of it. The antlion. Well, now you have to. Be on the right level. Yeah, go look for them. You'll see them. It just looks like a little divot or like a crater. They're tiny, you know? The size of a silver dollar! Sean, time for your final pick. Grasshopper is quick.

It's both off the board. Off the board. This is a respect pick. They can just change your life from picking termites. They can get it done. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They can get it done. They don't care. I was just looking up off the top of my head. There's just a couple things I knew about termites, but they've been around for 130 million years. God damn.

I know, dude. It's crazy that earth was created 4,000 years ago. So I don't exactly know how that happened, but they must have existed in God's imagination. It's also crazy when you think about that, because like, you're like, oh, that means it's like adapted. That's like a perfect life, right? Like it didn't need to change at all.

It's been able to exist that long. That's like effective. That's like an objectively effective form of life. Eating people's wine cellars 130 million years ago. Yeah. They build those huge mounds too, right? Termite mounds? Yeah.

I don't, you know, a termite's one that I don't know if I've ever actually laid eyes on a termite. I don't think I've ever seen them. There's lots of different kinds too. Those mound ones are different than the ones that will eat your foundation. Right, right, right. And they do eat those in West Africa a lot. I know in Cameroon they do like they're so tiny right eat them one at a time they fry them i believe and then just at least

put them on stuff or whatever no just like pop them i bet it's good damn it anything fried is good if you didn't know it's a texture situation I had a bull testicle one time and if I didn't know what I was eating it didn't bother me

but if I didn't know I would have just thought it was like a chicken nugget I bet it's that same thing Rocky Mountain oysters yeah they don't taste like much yeah I was in Appleton, Wisconsin and I was in for morning radio

and they were like this is the testicle festival this week I gotta compete with the testicle festival this week. I got to compete with the testicle festival. I'm supposed to sell tickets? From the daiquiri factory? I've done a lot of morning radio, man.

That sounds about right. Yeah. I was like, I go, you guys better save me a testicle. And they're like, we did. And they just right in front of me, I was like, well, all right, let's give it a shot. Yeah, they pulled my car. But it was fine. Just tasted.

I put a buffalo sauce on it. It was all right. All right, babe. David, time for your final pick. This last one is a respect pick. Again, similar to the mosquito. This is just, I've never, I've never had an encounter with bugs worse than this in my entire life. I was visiting my grandpa's village, like deep, deep in the Kono district in Sierra Leone.

And I went to sleep and I woke up and it was like my whole back, like crazy. And I didn't know what they were. I couldn't tell what like what kind of bites and i asked my grandma and she said it was she said tumbu and i i thought that it was a cono i thought it was a cono word for years and then i looked it up and it's a real it's called a tumbu fly or uh also a mango fly i think also it's like the same thing but yeah it just fucked me up it just bit up your whole back it must have been a bunch of them but it was it was fucked up man it was like hard to

sit down oh like when i sat i couldn't like put my back against the back of the chair i had to sit on like the edge of the chair yeah like honestly probably like it was like a week before that got any bit like before i could like touch it and stuff like that is i'll never forget man these bugs will get you yeah these bugs will get you they will get you whether you it's gonna happen at some point you sleep bugs are up at night they will get you especially if you go to just like you know those tropical places or places you're not from man yeah that shit'll get you fucked up yeah we were in costa rica and they they were like these sand ants that would like i don't even know they i don't even know it existed and i just got wasted and i went out on the beach at night and i came back the next day and i thought

that i had god damn it what's it called when you're out in the sun um it's like a stroke no whatever i just had bumps all over my legs and i honestly thought it's something yeah i thought God damn it. What's it called when you're out in the sun? It's like a stroke. No, whatever. I just had bumps all over my legs. And I honestly thought. Yeah, I thought something was wrong with me. And then what the dude at the restaurant is like, no, we out on the beach. Just kind of broke it down to me. It's like a little sand place.

So what is this bug called? Ah, T-U-M-B-U. I think it's when I looked it up. Because I like, like I i said i thought it was uh i thought it was a uh kernel word but i guess not it's uh they say like also mango fly is what it's called or bot fly oh bot flies yeah bot flies or no no it's different okay it's the mango fly, tumbo fly, or skin maggot fly. Skin maggot, bro!

Skin maggot, bro. He's terrible. You should have lived with that, bro. Skin maggot? Skin maggot. Oh my god. That's like they play like at noon at the Warped Tour.

Bro, it was it was it was havoc oh man yes wow Toon Boo I'm gonna take us with my final pick to a more placid place thanks

I'm taking the walking stick bug oh the stick bug baby Oh yeah come on Camouflage It'll still fool me I don't know maybe is that a stick is that a bug What's really going on here Lantern animal who can tell

When we go to the zoo and Max I put her up with the stick bugs and it's so fun Watching her find one and she'll just be like She just is shocked when it moves or something i'm like yeah dude i also kind of like how they like kind of how they move they're like uh-oh wait a minute i'm about to i'm about doing a step all right there we go oh wait a minute wait a minute not too not and i did a step there we go i like that kind of like herky-jerky way they walk sometimes it It's fun, man. I like watching them.

I've only ever seen them at the zoo as far as I know. Get them. Get them. As far as I know. As far as you know. You know what I mean? They've probably seen me out in the world. A lot like Predator, man. Sorry to bring up Predator a third time, but they'll just hide right there in the woods. You can't even tell they're there.

If Predator were here right now, what would that sound like? Hold on. Oh, Lord. I don't know if you could hear it, but that was a pretty good one. I hope it picked up. I got a good Predator on me, Josh. It looked like you just opened your mouth.

Like I was trying to blow the mic. Yeah. I think Isaac will get a shovel down there in the audio Like I was trying to blow the mic. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Still didn't. Oh, yeah. I think Isaac will get a shovel down there in the audio and he'll be able to dig it out. Super producer ice. Speaking of super producer ice, Isaac, do you have a pick in the bug draft? Yeah, I'm going to take daddy long legs. Yeah, dude.

Came in with all that bass in your voice. A hundred percent. I mean, that's what they call me in the bedroom daddy podcast daddy long legs right there hi i'm glad we got some spider representation and also i don't think all spiders are bugs but i feel like the daddy long legs the daddy long leg definitely is yeah when the umbrella that's what i was kind of getting out was like do spiders and spiderish things count like and that's what i was saying like the spot like a tarantula would not be a bug to me

spiders good pick good pick as far as as far as spiders go I think dad long legs is the buggiest of the spiders yeah dude yeah and that is our final pick to recap Josh you went first Josh blue you took the dragonfly the praying mantis the cockroung beetle, and the antlion, an auspicious group.

Sean, you went second. You took grasshoppers. And then immediately thereafter, you took crickets. Right after, yeah. Ladybugs, millipedes, and the mighty termite. David, you went third. You took the mosquito, a respect pick. The butterfly, the scorpion, the night a respect pick the butterfly the scorpion the

nightcrawler and the tombu fly that's a good list bud i went last i took ants bees fireflies pill bugs and the walking stick bug as well oh that's a really pull it's a pill bug huh yeah pill bug roly-poly whatever you want to call it uh we want to hear your picks but first we're all stand-up comedians where can we be seen on the road josh blue where can people see you do stand-up comedy well you should do what i do to find out where i'm going and check out my website uh it's just joshblue.com, but I know I will be in Austin next week or so.

And then I have dates in Denver and pretty much every city that you can think of, I will be there at some point. So check it out. Check out the website. Sean Jordan, where can people see you? You can see All Fantasy Everything

live two different times at the High Plains Comedy Festival. We're going to have a show Friday, September 22nd, 5pm at the Bobcat Club at Skylark Lounge. I believe that's upstairs. And then the following day, Saturday, the 23rd, we are

going to have another live All Fantasy Everything at the Bobcat Club at the Skylark Lounge. Both those will sell out in advance. They already told us they're properly on their way to doing so. So make sure you get tickets in advance to those. They will have some tickets available at the door, but I wouldn't want to be waiting if you do want to go. And also we are going to have an all fantasy everything curated standup show. It's called All Comedy Everything. That will be Thursday, September 21st at eight o'clock at the Bobcat Club at the Skylark Lounge. I am going to be spending a lot of time at the Bobcat

Club at the Skylark Lounge. So all those shows are selling really well so far. So make sure you get tickets for those and we can't wait to see you, Denver. Also coming up the last Thursday in September, we're going to have Marcela Arguello, High Note Comedy. She is fantastic. That is September 28th. Migration Brewing. Get those tickets. You do not want to miss Marcella. She rules. She will rip me apart and you will love watching it because she's the best

at doing it. So we will see you there, Portland, September 28th. Omaha, Nebraska, November 18th. Yeah, man. Recording a special in Portland, October 29th. So be there. I'll be in Vancouver with october 29th so be there i'll be in vancouver with you november 20 30th through the december 2nd and uh yeah hanging out oh yeah i'm just gonna squeeze my dates out really quick before david's long parade of dates you can come

see me i'll be in high planes with these fine gentlemen i will be at the house of comedy in vancouver like sean said uh november 30th through December 2nd. And then I will be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas, December 8th and 9th for Hanukkah. Come see me. With all that out of the way, David Borey, Bring David a Plate tour. The microphone is yours. Hold on. I gotta...

By the way, that merch is fire, dude. I just saw the cup and the plate. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. That made me... I was dying. That was great. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. That made me, I was dying. That was great. All right, so bringdavidaplate.com. Philadelphia, September 6th. Chattanooga, Tennessee, September 7th.

Raleigh, North Carolina, September 10th. Austin, Texas, September 12th. Denver, Colorado for the High Plains Comedy Festival, the 21st through 23rd. Indianapolis, September 29th. Cincinnati, September 30th. Morgantown, West Virginia, October 1st, Columbus, Ohio, October 5th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October 6th and 7th, St. Louis, Missouri, October 13th and 14th, New York City, October 21st, Worcester, Mass,

October 22nd, Kansas City, Missouri, October 25th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, October 26th. A cesspool. A shithole. Minneapolis, Minnesota, October 27th and 28th. Come out. BringDavidToPlate.com. Come and get some of that merch. It's going to be a good time.

Sean, I saw a woman wearing a Sioux Falls hat at the coffee shop the other day, and I wanted to say something. You didn't just bring it up? I mean, it's a small. I might know her. It would have felt. I don't know. at the coffee shop the other day and i wanted to say something but i didn't just bring it up i mean it's a small i might know her it would have felt i know i don't know like i i should have but like if that goes wrong it's weird yeah yeah hey my friend is also from there it's like a feeble way to talk you know what i mean no i'm married i'm married i'm married it's like that's not what this is about you just have to like put your wedding ring right there and be like, this is a wedding ring. My friend is from

Sioux Falls. I have two things, a wife and a friend. The wife is from Chicago, but the friend is from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Yeah. Well, next time, just walk up and put a picture of me on your phone and slide it to her and be like, eh? Anything? Go see David Borey on the

road. Go see allorey on the road. Go see all of us on the road. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter. AllFantasyPod has the gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon where you get bonus episodes, auction drafts, mailbags,

episodes without any commercials in them, exclusive pre-roll content. Those live apps that, for example, what we do at High Plains. What we'll be doing at High Plains. You'll have access to those. And at the highest level, a fucking hat made by us and Trillblazin

working hand-in-hand, baby. A dank hat, dude. A real dank hat. Shout-out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout-out to Super Producer Isaac on the AFE Shaslackity, the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac on the ones and twos. West from all the spiders. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie

Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haja Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaslackity. kidding. That was a HeadGum Podcast.