All Fantasy Everything - Candy: Round 2! (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Yo yo yo! We got a sweet tooth comin at ya for the second time! The captain of the ship is almost done sailing, but until he gets back, David and Sean are here to draft CANDY to give the unpicked some well deserved love! The All Fantasy Everything Summer Tour is coming to a city near you! Find dates and tickets at headgum.com/live.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Hey! It's all fantasy everything. I'm not doing Ian's intro because I don't want to ruin it. It's just going to be a different flavor. New wave. Surf that David Borey, baby. I am one of the hosts today. You know me. The round mound of rebound, David Borey, baby. I am one of the hosts today. You know me. The round mound of rebound, David Borey. Yeah, no, I know you. And up in the cut, we have my man, Spitfire shirt rocking,

no shoes wearing, new glasses rocking, hip hop be bopping, Sean Tell motherfucking Jordan. Did you say all fantasy everything yet? No, no, I fucking didn't. Okay. Well, I'm not,

Hey, I'm not hosting me and you got, you're doing it. I mean, I am going to end up posting cause I have it all sitting right here, but guys, this is all fantasy. Everything.

You know what it is. Obviously Ian is out of town and when papa's away baby's gonna play the boy's gonna play and the boys played at bj's a little bit earlier but that is a restaurant it is a restaurant we didn't we didn't just go play bj in each other we played at bj's we had a gentleman's double at happy hour a gentleman's double at happy hour the name of my first album yeah yeah no gentleman in that first album i've seen it no no no no it's all uh just a bunch of dogs yeah man ian's in jolly old he's chilling there was just some footage of him on an elevator yeah chair in it shout out to the god i miss him i do too i miss it we haven't all

i don't like it when we all haven't hung out for like weeks it's pretty wild you know what I mean because also Zach is up exploring his roots he's gone right now yeah so it's just me and you holding it down I have slept as we are in the fortress of solid dudes I've slept uh so when everyone's gone I sleep on the couch because I get scared I really do no I understand and it And I was thinking the other day, what would I do if somebody broke in? I'd just hop on the couch like, finally, thank God, let's do this.

I've been waiting for you. Why wouldn't I want to be in my room? You give them your stuff. It's all Ian's. Take Ian's shoes. Take the shoes. But you leave me my basketball. Yeah, and the rollerblades leave me my basketball. Yeah.

And the rollerblades that are also his. Yeah. Yeah. It has been a long time since we all hung out. So I'm excited to do so. But this is good. We figured it was either not do anything. Well, yeah.

Put something out. Or give you guys a little something something. I'm saying. Ain't nobody upset about getting something put out. And I'm actually excited about the draft a little something something. Ain't nobody upset about getting something put out. I'm actually excited about the draft a little bit. Let's go through the... You don't have to

fucking listen. You don't have to. Turn it the fuck off right now. Sauce. That G is not silent. My voice is dying. I've been using it a lot lately. That the very same voice of comedy central.

No, I don't know what you're talking about. I wouldn't with that, with that terrible attitude. The, uh, the G is silent on Twitter. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool guy. Jokes. 87 on Instagram. Hell yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, David Borey. How you living?

I'm good, man man i just got back from little rock that's right you did so where were all you were all you were all over the place down there yeah i was in little rock arkansas the same place david cross got beat up i did not get beat up on that yeah when the when the when he did in the poster when he's like i'm trying to get this into this yeah is that Was that that tour? I don't remember him actually getting beat up. I guess that's the rumor that they said happened there. But anyways.

I'm sure he got it. It was from that tour documentary. I could see how David Cross would get on your nerves. Yeah. It seems very likely. But yeah. So I did that venue. I did not get beat up.

Shout out to my homeboy, Chris Pierce. Yeah. CP man. That dude is KP. Oh, Chris, Chris P. We knew a dude named Chris. Uh, maybe it was Pierce, but we always called him crispy and he hated it. I think Chris Pierce would like it.

I thought it was a dope nickname. I was like, yeah, if people just call. So if you walked into a bar and everyone was like crispy, yeah, we didn't know it was cause your name was Chris. They just thought your nickname was crispy. That's dope. It's a good name. It is. I might call us,

but anyways, shout to Chris Pierce. Listen to his podcast, death metal dicks. We had a good time slanging and banging, uh, all over Arkansas and Missouri had so much fun. My voice is gone because then I came home and did some other works with my voice.

I was in some scale. I'm doing a little acting. Don't worry about it, guys. I'm out here. I'm making my moves, but I'm happy, man. I have a town home in the Valley. I got good friends. You're a Lee C these days.

I'm a Lee C. Yeah. Yeah. A Cal Lee C. I don't understand. California. Oh, you never watched Game of Thrones? No.

For any Game of Thrones fans out there, that was a pretty good joke. So a female, you're going to be bummed. A female queen in the Dothraki culture is called a Cal-ly-see. And if you shorten that up to what you're doing, the state of California would be Cal, you're a Lee-see. So you're a Cal-ly-see. I don't like it. I don't. And I understand that it's just not for me. I understand that it's just not for me.

But yeah, that's where I'm at. Things that I have upcoming. The motherfucking Cool Breeze Tour. Listen up, ding-dongs. We're going to be... That's a fun one, man. Ding-dongs. Oh, you know what i've been saying lately that's so fun what i've been saying oh man if i don't do this on time i'm burnt toast remember what everybody

was saying burnt toast all that and it just went away dude you gotta watch that ali documentary does he say burnt toast he no he has some of the funniest shit i've ever heard though oh yeah that guy could talk he's like man you couldn't you couldn't melt him and pour him on me. He's talking about someone not wanting to fight him again. That's so good. You couldn't melt him and pour him on me? Yeah, because he's calling him butter. I like that.

Yeah, that shit's fucking wild. But yeah, we do. I mean, there's only two of us. So yeah, fuck it. We have the. But yeah, ding dongs. This comes out tomorrow. we do i mean there's only two of us so yeah fuck it we have the but yeah ding dongs uh this comes out tomorrow so yeah next week san francisco and seattle yeah there's a few tickets left

cop them shits bring your mom bring your sister bring your dog bring your punk ass brother who doesn't have a job he also enjoys some fun in this life he needs it he doesn't have a job. He also enjoys some fun in this life. He needs it. He doesn't have a job. Or bring your brother that has a job. Bring your brother out there. We're going to kiss all the babies. We'll kiss all you. I don't give a shit. I want... I'm feeling kind of sick though. You might not want that. So just real quick, Sean S. Jordan

on Twitter. Sean C. Jermel Jordan on Instagram. I just hate to break tradition. Everybody knows at this point. And then Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Cross platform. Ian Carmel on jewishmacbook.backpack. jewishlaundryservice.com. Yeah, so we're coming.

So the tour, you know, I'm just going to run through the dates. I know that everybody knows, but I feel like maybe we haven't taken the time to sit and drive this home. Just all this stuff. But like, so I'm, I'm sitting here looking at the Patreon page cause that's where we have all of our tour dates. And the fact that anybody messes with that page,

that anybody messes with us on that level is insane. And I'm not going to dive in too much. We do have a draft. David and I are going to draft something. We are going to draft something. We're not going to draft different ways for me to cry. But I do just want to say that it's amazing that people fuck with us in the way that they do.

So anybody listening, regardless if you're on there or not, anybody who's listening to this, thank you so much. And the fact that Ian's not here, I know that he's bummed. He wants to be. But the fact that we can do it, just the two of us and still put something out for you guys. That's what we're all about.

We just want you to have something to rock to for, you know, the week. So thank you to the end of the earth for that. And we will be going on tour. The reason that we're doing that, I've never been on a tour. Thank you to the bend of the girth for that.

Sorry. I get it. The Calisi of the girth for that. Sorry. The Calisi has spoken. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't help it. I've never been on a proper tour. I have all the time. It's a lot of fun.

I feel like what's going to happen is we're going to go. So we're going. So the day here, I'll just rock through it. So June 26th, Seattle show box theater. Yuck. June 27th, San Francisco,

great American musical. Yuck. I want that to be better than my friend's wedding. My friend got married there. Bless his soul. He's amazing, but I want our show to be better than his wedding. Yeah. Let's beat that guy's wedding. Oh my God. And then I'm going to send him photos. Like, don't you wish your wedding was this dope dude? Uh, and then, so we pick it back up in July, Is this dope, dude? And then, so we pick it back up in July. July 11th, Boston. We're at the Sinclair.

June 12th, we're in Brooklyn at the Bell House. That is sold out. But pay attention to Twitter. I've noticed with these shows that sometimes the weekend approaches and someone will drop some tickets where they couldn't go. Right, right, right. And they're like, hey, I got a four-pack or whatever. Like, you know, having a kid this weekend. Like, wife's going into labor. So, you know, having a kid this weekend, like wife's going

into labor. So pay it, you know, just keep your ear to the streets for that. July 13th, we're going to be in DC at the Black Cat. It's actually selling pretty well as it is a giant venue. So thank you for everyone who's bought tickets for anyone who's thinking they might want to go. DMV area, come out. We want the D, M, and the V. Oh, the driver, the motor, the motor, the motor and the vehicle. Damn, I screwed up. July 14th, we're in Philly at the Underground Arts. July 18th, we're in Minneapolis at the Turf Club. First show sold out.

Second show added. So... Yeah, but the second show's going fast too. It definitely is, which is wild. We probably only got like another week or so on those. Chicago, we're at the Hideout. That's sold. So again, keep your ear to the streets.

There will be, I'm sure there'll be people that just give up their tickets here and there. A couple, but keep your eyes on it. Columbus at the Woodland Tavern. That is, I just saw the numbers, that's extremely close to selling out. Yeah, it's teetering. It's teetering.

Probably 10, 11 tickets left or something. So cop into that. And then July 21st, end of the tour, Detroit Ferndale at the magic bag. So that is what we'll be doing. Boom. Cop those tickets.

Come see us. Yeah. Seriously. It's, we want to look in your faces. I really do. It's so fun. I guess your faces,

but seriously, we want to say hi and take pictures and stuff. Yeah, I mean, I... I'll let you touch Sean's butt for free. Oh yeah, you can touch it. You can touch it. You can touch it with a nice dance move if you get in there right. I was just in Portland. Shout out to everybody that came out. I didn't really even say anything about it.

No, you didn't. You know why I didn't? And this is going to sound weird, but this is a fun little thing for me where uh when the host dylan jenkins killer by the way he brought me up and he would go uh your feature act you've heard him on all fantasy everything he's just released an album called the buck starts here and i got to hear a handful of people be like oh man that's so great oh man i i hope i don't sound weird but i i had a feeling that might happen because it's Kyle. I was with Kyle Kinane. Yeah.

And I was like, Kyle Kinane. I'm not familiar. Mike Jones. Okay. Mike Jones. Kyle Kinane. Do you think Mike Jones is here? I did.

But I got to hear a couple of people be like, and that really stoked me out. And I had such a blast doing the shows. Hell yeah, man. Sold some flasks, which they went a little quicker than I thought they were. I knew they were. Turns out people be drinking, bro. Yo, I knew you were going to move units, man.

You know. Only dudes moving units and pimp juicing us. That's what Jay-Z said. So it's that kind of podcast. That kind of podcast. God, I feel out of control when Ian's not here. It's going to be awesome the next time that we're all together and he actually grabs the mic with an iron fist. I can't wait to hear that goddamn welcome.

I need it. I got it in my heart. Yours is way better than mine. Mine's always welcome. Oh, the welcome. Oh, let's try it again. Welcome to another. Was that okay? Yeah, that was good. You do it. You do it. All right. Welcome to another brand new episode. I feel like it's more like, wow. It's like, it's like, wow. I don't have that gear though.

Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty monotone. You have to be bar mitzvahed for that gear. I'm not, he would, you know, you know, he's Jewish. Bar mitzvahed for that gear i'm not he would you know you know he's jewish bar mitzvahed and everything 100 bro you left it out what are you doing marissa put in the opposite of air horns right there somebody just at work just punched a hole through their cubicle god damn it now we are not just here oh Oh, you know, real quick though. I did drive down from, uh, L or from Portland back to LA in one day we got stopped. So we're at,

we're right around Mount Shasta, which is in Southern or Northern California, right? Not Southern Oregon, Northern California, Mount Shasta. I thought it was Southern Oregon, but I'm not 100% sure.

Great sodas. They are. Do you remember drink? Yeah. I yeah i don't i'm gonna google it right now i know they make they make it you got a case coming to your house buddy well you're gonna have to i don't know where you're getting it from randall's in sioux falls that place is out of business o'neill's in tacoma washington is where i'm gonna get it so we were driving down the five which is normally a very pretty drive and we hit some traffic right around mount Shasta and it took two hours for us to go about two miles. And it was just, everybody had to merge into one lane.

That's all it was. It was just all these people, all these dipshits could not figure out how to get into one lane. Yeah. Two hours, bro. Seriously. We were like at a dead stop for 20 minutes at a time. Also, in case you're wondering, Shasta is still cracking. Yeah. Two hours, bro. Seriously. We were like at a dead stop for 20 minutes at a time. Also in case you're wondering Shasta is still cracking. Yeah. They sell it at Dollar Tree. They sell Shasta at Dollar Tree. There's a Dollar Tree by the Burger King on Colorado Boulevard.

Don't tell people where you live. Everybody. Well, I'm just saying there's a Dollar Tree on the Burger King by Colorado Boulevard that we could crip walk to if we had a long time because we live very far away from there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, we can, we can crip walk there after this. All right. I'll show you how to do it. Oh yeah.

Are you a crip? I got beat in once. They let me out. I always took you for a Latin king. Say it, say it, say it a couple more times. Or I really saw GD. Don't do that with your hands to me. Don't you do that to me.

I hate gang violence. Shout out to Marshall's hot sauce, by the way. Oh yeah. Did it, did his podcast. I forget the name, forgive me, but as soon as it comes out, I'll talk about it. But he gave me a bunch of hot sauce, showed me where all the hot sauce was made, which was real fun and gave me a giant bottle of whiskey that we're sipping on. Now we're not here just to talk about

my travels from Portland to LA and, and giant bottles of whiskey and Shasta. We are here to draft one of the drafts that we were not involved with. Yeah. It was a very, very early on episode of all fantasy. Everything was before we got the sauce. It was from episode seven on October 27th, 2016, the day before my birthday. Dang. I don't even, I don't know if I lived here yet. I might've lived here. Did you live here when the podcast started? No. I,

well, so 2000, I always forget about when it started because we weren't involved, you know? Yeah. I mean, I did, I moved here.

It would have been March of 2016, but yeah, it's so, because I was gone all the time. Cause I couldn't find a job. This would have been right after Hulu fired me. They said I was mean. You were mean. Can you believe that? Listeners.

Listen, don't listen. I'm not the nicest. I mean, come on. This is happy night, Sean. You haven't heard rough and tumble work, Sean. Listeners, huh? Sean's like, hey, listen here. You're an asshole. Your father was an asshole and your father's father was an asshole. You'll be an asshole like your father before you and your grandfather before him yeah no you can't

watch kitchen nightmares in Spanish you piece of shit yeah that was gosh I I did live here but I bet I was gone because I was gone all the time because I didn't I just didn't know how to do it I still don't know how to do the city but but this was episode number seven with John Cryer and Eden Dranger. So I listened to it last night. It's fun. It's so everyone has been listening for a while. This was a fun thing for me because I haven't done this in a long time. Go listen to those old ones.

Oh, like the, like the video games and stuff. Yeah. Just go back. Cause it's still, it's funny. Ian is,

he's just good. He's just as good then at hosting this goddamn show or he's just as good then as he is now i mean i think that would be the case no i did but it's a ringer you hear like normally you hear things evolve and i'm like this fucking kid is just good at what he does like he knew it pert near three years ago he was still killing it just as hard. That was the seventh episode of a podcast. He'd never hosted a podcast. I knew him. Five years prior to that,

I knew him. It's just awesome. Shout out to Ian. I hope you're listening on this plane on your way back from, from Egypt. Yeah, from Egypt.

No, what's the goddamn the nickname? Jolly Old. There we go. From Jolly Old. Anyway, we're going to draft Candy. Candy. Ow.

I feel it when you walk. It takes over me. It's like candy. From the hit cameo song Candy. Candy rain. No, that's not how it goes. How does Candy rain go my love do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops you're the same my candy rain and then a little boy comes in. Have you ever loved someone so much you thought you'd die?

Giving so much of yourself, it seems the only. Man, my voice is shot, doggy. No, I think it was all right. You don't have to sing on Comedy Central. No, no, no. Just talk. All I got to do is talk and get checks. Booyah, kasha.

Now, we're going to draft candy. What type of draft is it, Sean? It's a serpentine draft, David. And what does that mean? I was going to flip it on you. I know you were. I know you were, boy. I was not ready. See, it's funny because I know what kind of draft

it is. I know exactly how to explain it. Well, you tell our listeners too. Just in case they don't exactly how to explain it. Well, you tell our listeners too. Just in case they don't know how to explain it. All right. Let's say that Sean broke. I was honestly going to throw it right back at you. I know that I wasn't ready. All right. Let's say you're high.

He's like looking around the room. I'm seriously looking for ideas. This is like the opposite of what Kaiser is. So say I was honestly in the bath. I was going to the bathroom before the show. Like, oh, I feel pretty good. I'm not nervous at all. And now I'm like shaking.

Let's say here we go. Oh, you you got fine let's see whose is better go what's yours let's say let's say i'm sean and i get hit with something i wasn't ready to do and i'm sitting in this room and i'm looking around for inspiration i can't find any so i look at the little bar cart and i think maybe there'd be something there to do but i I don't know. So then I look back to the rollerblades and I'm like, maybe there's some type of analogy in there, but it doesn't quite make sense. I look back at the rollerblades and I'm like, nah, I got to go to this bar cart. It's that kind of draft. That was, that was good. That's exactly what I was doing. Yeah, no, I peeped the whole scene. So basically, if you pick last in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Even though it... But there's only two of us. I feel like we just

fucked ourselves from Jump Street. Well, I was debating on this. It's not a serpentine, it's just back and forth. Well, I was debating earlier today, like, should we do serpentine or should we just do back and forth? Let's, I guess, do serpentine. Let's do serpentine. already described it so we might

as well and it's how it goes but we do have to play a rollicking game of rock paper scissors to decide who picks first oh yeah but it's funny because there's no we're both in the hot corner yeah the whole time we will it's it's literally just who goes first yeah it is hold on i'm shooting up all right yeah i bet you are so we're're going to go on shoot. So it's one, two, three, shoot. You ready? Yeah. Look me in the eyes. I'm ready. Stop turning away. Look me in the eyes. I'm not. Now he's lying to you. I'm looking him right in his eyes. David, he's not. It's a long mic cord. Get in here and put your shirt on. Don't you? It's fine. Look me in the eyes. I'm not going to do anything. Don't do this in front of my friends. David, look at me. Okay, cool.

Thank you. So just look me in the eyes. You ready? One, two, three, shoot. David wins. Yes. Stupid dick weed. I'm going to go first.

David goes first. Sean goes second. Sean goes third. Sean goes third. I go fourth. As it is. A serpentine draft. Now it's fun because,

and I knew this going back, but you don't, why is it? You don't fuck with candy too much. I, it's just not really, I don't know, man,

just not a sweetsman. Yeah. I just never, I don't know. It's fine. I just, I even growing up like my Halloween candy when I would go trick-or-treating. You just had steaks and pork chops?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody would put like a candy bar in there and you're like, no, you don't have any, you don't have a salt lick or something. Yeah, I'd be at the door like, I smell tilapia back there. What are you fucking doing? No, I, yeah, I don't know. I think it's because my mom's not, my mom didn't really push candy in the house. Like my mom, I don't think ever.

It wasn't like, here's some candy for going to bed or whatever, like doing something. Here's a little candy. There was never any candy in our house. Like jelly beans or whatever. Never. Nobody was going to pick those.

It was just Halloween. And like I said, I would like, I would, every Halloween that I went trick or treating, I remember my mom would be annoyed. Cause she'd be like, I would every Halloween that I went trick or treating, I remember my mom would be annoyed. Cause she'd be like, there's still candy from last year. Like I'd still, I just keep it in a bag on top. Like I just never, I've never, I never once ate all my Halloween candy. Wild. Just didn't like it. Huh? I just, yeah, I just don't, I don't know.

I just don't care about it. I, there's some, I don't want to say I care about candy. Cause that was always my thing too. Sounds like it sounds like about it. There's some I like, though. I don't want to say I care about candy. Because that was always my thing, too. Sounds like it. Sounds like you guys are fucking in love. David, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to talk about candy over here. I've always been more of a savory person. But I do like candy.

So when I moved to Portland, I went on this gnarly diet. And I worked at a call center. And they would always bring stuff like candy and pizza. That was their big thing for rewards at the call center. Cause they thought you were 12. Well, they mean they're not dude. Your brain is fucking that lizard, but, but they'd be like, Oh, you did. You were the best. Here's, here's like a six pack of Hershey's and you're like, great. So I would always tell them I don't want those. So then six months in they're like Sean hates candy and I'm like listen I like candy I just don't want to sit here and eat six Hershey bars because where what am I gonna what is it what's where's that going yeah it also makes me feel weird yeah it does it needs for me

it needs to feel like a reward well and it's just too much sugar though it's like a well yeah it's supposed to make a spike I don't know I just I don't I don't love it and by the way so here that so if you haven't listened to the draft, I apologize if I'm going to wreck it for you. I'm going to list off everything that they already drafted in episode seven. Yeah, go on and wreck it, Ralph. So if you don't want that to be the case,

if you're going to go back and listen and you haven't, skip forward about 20 seconds. So what has already been drafted, this is off the board, is Fun Dip, Candy Buttons, Sugar Daddy, which I see a Sugar Daddy right in front of me, so I can't, that's not off the board. Fun Size 3 Musketeer, that was emphasized. Tootsie Pop, Whoppers, which I was bummed about, Twix, 100 Grand Bar, Peanut M&M's, Caramel Apple Pop, Butterfinger, Gummy Coke Bottles, Candy Corn, Twizzlers, and Chiba

Chews. And honestly, I bet I would have taken Chiba Chews. Man, here's a funny, yeah, that would have been a real. Real fuck you pick. A real fucking Lil Boosie. I'm going to be honest. Dude, you should listen to Boosie. He's a good rapper.

It'd be weird because we did this whole draft. You and I, and Ian, and we did this whole thing about the best live. That was with Jack, right? So we all, cause I didn't, I didn't pick him first.

So you had the chance. This is not a good riff. You had the chance to pick this rapper. All right, guys, guys, tweeted him and tell him what you think of this rat riff. You keep it going.

It's on you now. I'm just saying you should have picked him. He's a good rapper, but I completely forgot. Uh, You keep it going. It's on you now. I'm just saying you should have picked him. He's a good rapper. But what were you going to say? I completely forgot. What was I going to say? I don't know. Oh, yeah.

I was going to say, that list for people's first choice, that list whomps, dude. That list sucked. Truthfully, I think they did a bad job. Well, right when Ian got done, he's like, my list is a bummer. I'm like, that was good. But it's just,an got done he's like my list is a bummer i'm like that was good but it's just it's wildly different than what my list is it's just not i think it's not good i think that's objectively twix would have twix would have definitely cracked it a few could have cracked it butterfinger definitely would have made my list um i just like butterfingers

for the commercials well that can be part of it the sim, remember? Especially if you're not a candy guy, then you got to pick candy for different reasons. So the commercial, what's a better reason? Crispity, crunchity, peanut buttery. Yeah. Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger. I do this for money now. So I know it's wild.

So Bart Simpson was a skateboarder in the Simpsons. Something to the effect of this old professional skateboarder, Frank Harada, used to, effect of this old professional skateboarder, Frank Harada used to, gosh, he used to like drop in and he lived on Matt Grading street or something, something like that. And he used to see him skate on his car. And so that's, that was the inspiration for Bart at the end of the opening sequence when he hits the hood of the car or the roof of the car and then goes in the garage. Oh, that guy used to skate on his car. Yeah. Something like that.

I'm butchering it, but it was an old, old trans world interview. But Frank Harada was the inspiration for Bart being a skateboarder ultimately, which would be, I would never shut the fuck up about that. Oh, if I was, I'd be talking about that. If I was the real Bart Simpson, I'd never grow up either. If I was the real Bart Simpson. Burt Crusher is the real Van Wilder. He talks about that all the time. Girl, you ever made I was the real Bart Simpson, Burt Crusher is the real Van Wilder. He talks about that all the time.

Girl, you ever made out with the real Bart Simpson? All right, let's spark this bull. I just wanted to make sure we were going at least a half hour with only two of us before we even started. David Borey with the first, well, the 16th pick. Yeah. In the all-candacy, all-candy-ificenty. All-fantasy candy draft.

Okay. I was trying to work it out. I know, I know. All-candice-y, but that sounds like I was talking about a bunch of people named Candice. All-fan-candy? All-fan-candy. All-candy. All-candy-tasty.

All-can-tasty. All-can-tasty. That sounds like if you just got... I like my cat food all canned and tasty you've never had buffalo wings and somebody sets every kind of flavor you're like all canned tasty uh my first pick i don't know how it didn't crack the first 15 yeah reese's peanut butter cups yeah they're i i i don't know how that's not number one on everybody's list so and we're gonna get into this a lot remember those commercials no what is it how do you eat your reeses oh yeah i do

i'm just like unfortunately wanted it like the whole thing on the bus i went whenever somebody put a put a reeses peanut butter cup into two bites i was all like who you trying to? Who are you trying? Is your girl around? I don't see her. I also feel like Reese's peanut butter is like, that's like the perfect amount of candy for me, at least. Like, have you ever tried to fuck up a king sized Reese's?

It's too much. Have I tried? David, I have. I mean, I have done it, but it's never, it's like, it's too much. Like, because it's like, you know, it's like Reese's is complicated. It's like a, it's like an adult relationship. It, you know, it lingers. There's a lot of like, there's a lot of complexities to the, the, the flavor.

Yeah. You should have seen what David's eyebrows jumped off his head when he did that. Like a cartoon. They really like the flavor and his eyebrows would hit the ceiling. Then they came back down. No, I agree. Also, Reese's is one of the only candy bars that I need a glass of milk with. Yeah, or something.

The rest of Mountain Dew will do the trick. You know what I like better, actually? Can I change my answer? No. Wait, can you change what i just want to make it change your first pick i want to make it the small reeses oh yeah okay like the the halloween candy ones yeah i love though i'd rather have like five of those throughout the day like that's the perfect because those aren't overbearing it's like eating a crouton.

You know what I mean? Imagine eating a crouton that was like 10 times the size of a crouton, but was still crouton material. Yeah. That would suck. I mean, I think it's toast. No, it's called crouton material. And that's what they spackle houses in New Mexico with.

I'm just picturing like a giant crouton, like a foot long crouton. Like a piece of toast. Toast feels a lot, toast to me feels a lot mellower than a crouton does. All right, that's fair. Oh my gosh, that was tight. tight yeah you can change it so mini Reese's yeah the little like just like the bag of those yeah it's great I love it yeah you know

and there's I think they're starting to do this with the mini candies but that's where they should have been going before we'll make a king-size trash out of you I know it's so but nobody needs king size it's coming from a fat dude so i'm not like weight shaming anybody it's just that's a lot of candy they're not for big dudes king-size candy bars are for like zach where he's just like bouncing off the walls and he needs something for his blood sugar yeah king-size candy bars are so you can eat them and then go pick up a car yeah like it's not, it's like a crazy way to live. Yeah. Yeah. I, I agree with the minis.

I'd think I wish all candy bars would have been like, I'm not going to name names, but you know how candy bars have been going into the bites, like the bags of the bites. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. There it is. I don't, oftentimes I don't want to get an entire candy bar, but you don't want to eat a whole candy bar. No, but I want like three pieces of candy. Yes.

You know, I get you completely. Yeah, I agree. And also I like that those bags are happening because now they're unwrapped. That was one of the, that was one of the reasons I never just bought those old ones because I had to unwrap them all. Fuck all that. Have them unwrapped, but then you can't give them away for Halloween candy. So I, you you know i get the

struggle bro it's real out here yeah but those miniature reeses okay uh well so i guess it's me and my first pick and i can't believe this i guess all these i can't believe it didn't get taken but uh snickers man i just oh yeah i just love snickers oh yeah um snickers is like a meal it was like the og and when we were kids that was what we that was so we'd get like a snickers for lunch we'd eat them for breakfast dog we'd get a snickers and like a mountain dew and then we'd go to the mount mount mount mankato skate park man. Yeah. So have you ever heard of a friend of mine used to make these delicious treats? Have not even delicious. Have you ever heard of, have you ever heard of a Cadillac? Not in the way that you're talking, I'm guessing,

but I've heard of a Cadillac. I mean, yeah, I know what an Eldorad is. I listened to Snoop. I'm not a dipshit. Oh no, I'm talking about now I'm rolling in the non-trizay Eldorad. Just remember who changed your mind. Cause when you start set tripping, that'm talking about. Now I'm rolling in the non-trizay ale dough bread. Just remember who changed your mind. Because when you start set tripping, that ass is mine. Indeed. That was a very obscure Snoop lyric. Do you guys think Snoop was in the house? Just me.

And the devil for murder was the case. Yeah. Yeah. I'm innocent. Because when your ass start tripping, that ass is mine. My friend went to jail one summer now by that and he came back and he was telling me about how everybody was making these things called cadillacs in jail and it was like so he would take like a pepsi and he i think he'd

pour out like three quarters of it and then he would mush a snickers in there oh is it like a bomb and then no and then he would get hot coffee and fill the rest up with hot coffee. And then he would put the cap on and shake it all up till it all melted down and sip on that. It was called a Cadillac. Pepsi, a Snickers, and hot coffee. Yeah. They got a lot of time in there. Yeah.

I mean, if you're in prison, damn, that is, that sounds insane. No, I can't, I can't get behind that. That's I understand. I understand that. There's,

I mean, we've talked about the, like the jail burritos and things I can get behind those. Like still, if they sold those, the jailhouse tamales, they sold those in a store. I'd be like, yeah,

man, pickle juice, Doritos, you know, whatever. Throw some shit in there. Yeah. I can handle that.

But I don't know what that concoction, the Cadillac sounds gnarly. Yeah. I don't know. Anyways. Yeah. All right. Snickers. Uh, second pick.

I'm going to go a little, I guess, I don't know if sweeters, the word maybe sour would be the word. And again, I can't believe this is left off. Sour Patch Kids, dude. Oh, I don't know if sweeter is the word. Maybe sour would be the word. Again, I can't believe this is left out. Sour Patch Kids, dude. Oh, I don't like sour candy. See, I struggle with it. I don't really like sour as a flavor in general. I don't like sour beers.

I just don't. It's not for me. So it's... Sour is supposed to be bad in my head. Well, I feel like it kind of like with hot sauce. Like when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I don't like things that are hot. But now the older I get, I love hot sauce. Yeah. I like a good bite with hot sauce. Like when I was a kid, I was like, Oh, I don't like things that are hot. But now the older I get, I love hot sauce.

Yeah. I like a good bite with the candy. Like the Sour Patch Kids, when I put them in, they're not, geez and rice. They're not, uh,

immediately great, but half a second in, I'm like, Oh yeah, these are great. Right. You just have to get past that one little wall. And then all that sugar comes in and meets you.

And it's, it's like two Kings meeting. You have to get past that sugar wall. You got to get past that sugar. Cause I know me personally, I'll have to stay inside of those sugar. If you've ever heard the hit R and B song, what's the one? What song are you talking about? Wait, you never heard Sugar Walls? Wait, I'm going to pull it up. It's a song called Sugar Walls? I mean, I get what you were saying. Of course, I understand that you're making a reference to...

It's Sheena Easton's song. You really never heard that song? I might have. Do you understand what I'm talking about when I say Sugar Walls? I know what you're talking about when you say Sugar Walls. Yeah, yeah. Like a bouncy castle with sugar duct taped across the side. Like sugar walls on a bouncy castle, like in a quinceañera.

Let me just read you the lyrics to the first verse of sugar walls. Please do. Blood races to your private spots. Let's me know there's a fire. You can't fight passion when passion is hot. Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls.

All I hear is bounty hut. Let me take you somewhere you've never been. Bounty castle. I can show you things you've never seen. Bounty castle. I can make you never want to fall in love again. Yeah. Come spend the night inside my sugar walls.

She's really put it on the table. But that last line, you're like, all right, it's Sheena. I know it's not a bouncy castle. I have a girlfriend. You want to have sex.

I'm trying to be playful. We're on Instagram. It's a mess. I apologize. We're at Arby's right now. Watch your tone. Sheena Easton, man out there getting it good for her. Soena Easton, man. Out there getting it.

Good for her. So yeah, Sour Patch Kids. That is my... Somebody emailed. They're like, you do... You know, in Ian's stead, you do a good job of trying to get it back. And I'm like, no, that's fear.

That's fear talking. I'm just like, gosh, we're not saying enough funny stuff. No, I think we're doing fine. I know. It's all funny. Everything, it's all gravy. But anyway, I just kind of... I'm interested because you don't like. I know it's all funny. Everything it's all gravy, but, uh,

anyway, I just, I just kinda, I'm interested because you don't like candy. So it's fun to hear these picks. Yeah. These are the ones, these are the ones though,

that if I was going to buy, I would, I would buy, uh, this next one is, uh, it's another one where it's really good, but it was always too big for me.

Like I only wanted a couple of pieces, but I, I really liked this flavor as well. Hershey's cookies and cream dog. Yep. Those things are fucked up. It's so good. Cause all you need is a square. You just melt it down in your mouth. Ooh, that's living.

I'm saying, and I'm surprised s'mores haven't gotten a little more advanced because you could make s'mores with Hershey's cookies and cream. Oh, that's a really good idea. Use like chocolate graham crackers or fucking... You want to get crazy. You want to get artisanal.

You could use like Triscuits. Use like a... No, that was a terrible idea. Use like a Rosemary garlic Triscuit s'more. Sean, that's disgusting. It'd be like you, you could pay a thousand dollars for one of those in San Francisco.

Sean, that is, I don't know if you know what fancy food is. Well, you just sound so fucking awful. Put some canned chili on there. Now you're all about fancy food. Now you're trolling me. And then put some now you know all about fancy you're trolling me

and then put some socks from walmart on there trolling me i'm gonna get a jersey mike's i don't want to talk to you and then live in it live in an apartment with that with your mom until you're 15 i can't believe this man just said triscuits for a s'mores i okay well you can't really think that that would be good wheat thins maybe tr, maybe. Triscuits? Okay. So this is how great ideas are made. You back and forth. I don't think it is. So triscuits.

Tomato basil triscuits with cookies and cream Hershey's and a marshmallow. I don't want that at all. You would. You'd give it a shot. Yeah. I give a lot of things a shot i think even crack a shot i did too i just wrote a whole bit about it yeah it's going well but no i know that sounds terrible i love you but i i don't want that well okay but other than a graham cracker what would

be something that you could make a s'more with. Because that's all that comes to mind is like Ritz, Triscuit, you know, that stuff. And it's... I think a Wheat Thin because Wheat Thin is still kind of sweet. I think a Ritz could complement it pretty well. Okay, so Ritz. For sure. They're buttery, they melt. Yeah.

I think a Club Cracker could do it. See? Could hold it. Now we're getting somewhere. Which one of these would you like to try? With the cookies and cream. Cookies and cream and a marshmallow. I'm going to go Ritz.

See? There we go. That feels, man, I can feel it. It feels like it would melt. Oh, I can taste it. I can taste it right in my mouth. That Triscuit was wild. Well, hey, somebody had to start the fire.

You stoked it, but I started it. Okay. Cheese and rice. Get off my sack about it. You stoked it, but I started it. Okay. Cheese and rice. Get off my sack about it. It's your third pick, dickweed. My third pick? I'm going, I'm hopping over to the land of fruits and honeys. That's not a land.

Fruits and honeys? That's not a land. It's milk and honey. I don't know what I'm. Fruits and honeys sounds like I call women and gay people things that I shouldn't call them. That sounds like a body wash. Yeah, fruits and honey. Fruits and honeys.

Oh, I thought it was a kind of club that I don't get invited to. You wouldn't. I'd like to, though. Well, yeah. I can have fun with everybody. I just have to go to Tommy Jack's all the time. Jack's with an X. Tommy Jack's. Is that not how it's spelled no cks oh so it's the two dudes justin and and tommy tommy and jack tommy jacks that's how they came up with it is jack short for justin

yeah well yeah somebody call me out if i'm a dickhead but it's justin is his name and he just goes by jack he does does, and he goes by Justin. Okay, what? I know where that's derived. I know where that's where the name came from. Tommy and Justin, they just thought Justin could be Jack, so it's Tommy Jacks. Either way, it's where everybody goes, and it sucks. We're not going to

tell you this. We might not go there when we go to Sioux Falls. We're going to go to Carpenter Bar. It's where we go now. My friend Whitey, I graduated with him. He opened a cool bar. His name's not Whitey as in his last name's White.

Gotta go to Whitey's Bar called Carpenter's. David, come to Whitey's Bar. I want to go to Tommy Jack's. Jack's was black. Remember? He had metal arms. I do remember. You know what I don't remember was your third pick because it hasn't been said yet.

All right. I'm getting better. Yeah, you're keeping it on track. My third pick, for sure, I am going to Flavortown. I'm going to Fruit City. I can say Fruit City. No, I didn't say you couldn't. I'm laughing that you have your pants off. It's wild. I'm taking to Fruit City. I can say Fruit City. No, I didn't say you couldn't. I'm laughing that you have your pants off.

It's wild. I'm taking to Fruit City, and I'm going Lifesavers gummies. I'm mad at you. Even as a kid, I liked those. I used to love the commercials because they looked so juicy on the commercials. I think it was, I used to love the commercials because they look so juicy on the commercials. Guys, if you remember, help me out. But like, yo, Lifesavers used to look so, Lifesavers gummies, those commercials where they were getting up dancing out of the pack.

Yeah. They look so juicy and I like them. They're still my go-to gummy. Lifesavers gummies? I need to amend that because Sour Patch Kids are my go-to gummy. When I'm in a movie, Lifesavers gummies, if they have them, are my go-to. It's a good gummy. So you're right with Sour Patch Kids that they're a little abrasive.

Exactly. Lifesavers gummies are like the gummies that didn't go to JDC when they were a kid. You know? I don't know what JDC is. Juvenile Detention Center. That's what it was for us. The Marvin J. Foote Center. Yeah. So gummies are the ones that wentention Center. That's what it was for us. The Marvin J. Foote Center. Yeah.

So gummies are the ones that went to class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Lifesaver gummies went to class. Yeah, the Sour Patch Kids, they've been in the streets. Sour Patch Kids were organizing the walkouts, but like- You know what happened? The Sour Patch Kids, they had to have that hard exterior because there was no one to take care of them.

Right. Gummies traveled in the pack. They had good homes. They had Lifesavers were their parents. Latchkey Sour Patch Kids, you've heard about them. Oh, man. I was a Lkey sour patch from way back. And then, and then one piece of salt rolled out of David's eye right down his cheek. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo, a tattoo, like a 3d topographic piece of salt on my face. Yeah. I'll pay anything. my face yeah i'll pay anything yes i am drunk yeah what of it she was 14 you didn't have a tattooing you know what i mean yeah yeah how did so many underage kids get tattoos

i do a grip well because that's okay so do you know a tattoo artist who's got a lot of money because i don't so whoa that was well i'm saying so so like if if a if a 16 year old boy whoever if somebody walks in they're like hey i want this i think they step back and they're like all right this won't get you in a ton of trouble you're gonna get the statue regardless or they say no i won't do that you're insane get out of here right but i think it's also more popular than it was when we were kids it is but i mean if you're 16 and you want a tattoo you're gonna get one it's either gonna be done by like yeah you're gonna do it

yourself or you're just gonna go do it so yeah your dumb fucking friend is gonna do it in a garage yeah and that you know so i i get a bit, I always wonder what the over under is on somebody walking in obliterated, like hammer drunk being like, I want this. And they're like, yeah, I've always heard it makes you bleed or something. But like, so imagine if you're a tattoo artist, you're in you're wherever some rich person walks in and be like, here's 10 G's. I want this. Probably not going to say no. You think?

Cause they have to sign shit. So I'm going to try to get a tattoo on this AFE tour. Yeah. AF. Damn it. I can't Laurel kill me. I can't do it. What if you put it like,

I see. What if you put it under your butt sheet? Well, I have cigarette burns already. So if I was like, Oh yeah, I'm covered. If I was like, Hey,

what if I get these tattoo or if I get a tattoo over my cigarette burns that me and she says no that means you like cigarette burns better i don't think so yeah i'm scarred i'm scarred and marred dude i got i'm so dinged up from just being a degenerate that was so gross the last couple things we just said were so gross i apologize i just whatever man from being a kid we lived a life dude i. I got all kinds. It's not my fault. A firework blew up in my head. Well, it is black cats are not nearly as dangerous as they tell you.

You're not going to blow off a finger. You, you're not. Take that back. This blew up. You could, this blew up in my hand. I can't believe you just casually said that.

Sean, I'm listening, but I went to throw it. It wasn't even, I can't believe you just casually said that. Sean! Will you listen to me? I'm listening, but... I went to throw it. It wasn't even I was holding it tight, like for nothing to happen. I went to... You ever known anybody who blew off their hand with a firework? I haven't. Have you ever known

of anybody? To say... Listen to me. Listen to me. Has anybody's cousin ever been like... Has anybody ever been like, my cousin's friend blew up his hand? No. Have you ever, even secondhand? No.

Thirdhand? No. All right, so maybe there's some propaganda about the fireworks community out there and it needs to stop. People telling you fireworks are dangerous isn't a bad thing because they're not not dangerous.

Agree to disagree. We just got so serious for a joke. This is a new stance you guys weren't ready for that was wild pro fireworks i am not ready for it is it my pick it is your pick it is my pick so as it is a serpentine draft a serpentine draft so my third pick now i'm gonna go with it i'm gonna go with a teeth herder this one is one that even as a child with young healthy teeth i still was like yeesh but it was just so so dripping's this good it was the uh it's the caramello oh i remember the commercials caramello yeah it was too much for me that's one of those ones if you don't fuck with candy at all, that's not for like a novice candy eater.

It hurts your teeth. It's like your teeth are being like, bro, like they're holding up, like they're the army of Troy trying to hold out the invaders. Like, come on. We're doing our best. Are you talking about 300 right now? No, I was talking about the movie Troy because I just saw it. But I couldn't think of the invaders.

Oh, with Brad Pitt. Yeah, not the Persians, persians but who invaded i thought it was the persians it depends on the movie but we're i am not qualified to have this conversation anyway caramello was so when i was a kid i had a paper route and after the paper out we'd go and my mom would always get me something like a so like a coke or something and caramello was like my big uh you wanted a candy bar that i wanted it was four quadrants so four was in a straight line so it was one two three four and all it was was just chocolate covered uh pockets of of caramel do you say caramel and caramel i say caramel but like would you say caramello? My mom says caramel because my mom, fun fact, because she's African.

I don't know if I've said that before. You mentioned it. She makes her own caramel all the time. But she says caramel. Yeah, but she's foreign, so who knows? But that is like a candy that we would have sometimes when I was growing up. Man, it's a strong candy. It's just sugar.

It's just you just heat up sugar until it. Yeah. Yeah. Until it turns into something you can like drink. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. But that's, yeah, I can't fuck with caramels, but I get it.

Good commercials. Caramello. I never forget those commercials. How's it go? Caramello. I never forget those commercials. How's it go? Caramello. Do you know any basketball players with the same name? Carmelo. What up, Lala?

I see you, girl. What up, Lala? Dump that zero, get with the hero. You know what I'm talking about? Dave is out here trying to spit. So that was my third pick, Caramello and my fourth pick is gonna be it's funny because I know these are all just for me because there's no way you're gonna pick well I'll save my fifth pick for a weird one so my fourth pick is gonna be Skittles okay straight up Skittles yeah everybody loves

Skittles yeah put them in your Sprite put them in your Promethazine. Did you ever do that? Put them in a Zima? We're more with a different kind of candy in there, but no, I never put them. I don't really focus. It's all sweets. You never put any of these in some malt just to see if it could maybe make it not taste like cold 45. Uh, we used to do sidewalk slammer sometimes. Well, that was that was where you put you mean like you'd dump out half the 40 and put what like orange juice yeah not even half but like i said i don't sweets is not for me so i i think i've definitely put skittles and like sprite before but when i was drinking i was i was pretty i also you know i'm like a I'm like a loser jock. So like, I was like, dudes drink beer and whiskey. I mean, I drink beer and whiskey.

Yeah. Am I a loser jock? Kinda. So am I. No, I think we're just people who know how to get there the quickest way. No, I mean, but there is this whole stigma of like, cause I noticed it whenever I go out drinking with Mike Malloy, where he'll have a drink and he'll be like, I'm me enemy of the enemy,

but he'll be like, all right, now I'm going to have a froze or some shit. And I'm like, I like, it's like, it's, it's,

it's to me at least it's definitely tied up to like, uh, to like the idea of manhood and shit like that, which is corny. So, yeah. So I didn't drink a lot of Zima's, but I want to,

and it gives me a headache. Booze with too much sugar gives me a headache. There you go. The older I get, the more it's like, I see where it's going. Like, I don't want to drink.

I don't want to feel bad. So, but the sugar in the, in the drinks, it tastes good. That's what makes me feel bad. Yeah. It's all got sugar. I got a headache. Anyway. So good. That's what makes me feel bad. Yeah.

It's all got sugar. I got a headache. Anyway. So yeah. Skittles with my fourth pick. Now, David, it is time for your third and, or your fourth and final pick as it is. No, tell me. A serpentine drink. Okay.

Caramello. Caramello. Do it. This is on. Caramello. Do it. This is on Sharpie's podcast. They are, I don't know if he still does, but he used to, but he has you do a story in the lowest voice,

but do so do the lowest voice. Hold on. Do the lowest voice you possibly can when you say caramello, but don't like scream it. Caramello. I don't think, I think, wait, hold on. I might be able to go a little bit lower than that. Okay.

Caramello. That's all for me. That's as low as it goes. All right. Hold on. Yeah. Why were you tweaking the knobs, Dr. J? Over here on the beat, Scott Storage.

Someone's got to make jay-z sound good wait was that rick rubin or was it both uh i know that he worked with rick rick rubin did 99 problems yeah rick rubin's a dude looks like an old like an old dead ghost yeah he worked with slayer helped found def jam caramello caramello all. All right. All right. Fourth pick. My fourth pick is going to be one that I've heard a lot of people in the candy community talk down on. The candy community, dude.

That's where you, thank God you got out. Yo. You were, you were not doing well. Yo. You were in a bad way. They were trying to, they were trying to send me up top for six summers, man. I had to leave. Yeah.

Uh, I. Up top for six summers. man. I had to leave. Yeah. I. Up top for six summers. Is, I am taking Almond Joy. Woo. You like that coconut? Oh, I like that coconut. There it is. Also, another great theme song.

Do you guys remember? Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Yeah. Yeah. And no one's going to pick the other one. let's almond joys got nuts yeah mounds don't we got a low voice that do the whole thing over mounds don't do the whole thing over sometimes you feel like a nut oh you okay sorry okay i'm ready i'm ready whole thing over

sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't almond men joy's got nuts mounds don't yeah that's where they cut the commercial off this is the real uncut commercial what you got to do is you got to get your voice deep like this seeped in a barbecue sauce with brown sugar and molasses you know what's fun is when you take that Almond Joy and smash it into a mounds. Ooh, I like mountain smashing. And then drip some Twix on it. My daddy was a mountain smasher,

and his daddy was a mountain smasher, and I'll be goddamned if I'm not gonna smash some mounds. I gave my keys to the Twix outside, so I'm with you tonight. I'll hurt myself today. So yeah, what a lighthearted pick, Almond Joy. Yeah, man. Who would have thought he'd get like all three some sugar party stuff.

I really like him. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I like the coconut. I like the- Kelly Jordan's favorite candy bar. Really? Great minds. Of all time.

And I think it's because her favorite color is blue and uh almond joy well yeah her son joined the grips yo that's how down you are my my mom bangs what'd you say about my mom nothing you said it i said i said what i said hey i saw six's mom with a blue rag you're trying to get me joined back up. No, that's okay. Oh, so that was my fourth pick. I'm having a fun time. I like it. I like the, it's like, yeah, thank you. That was damn near going to make mine, but there was never enough almond joy for me. And I know we just, there was never enough almond, never enough almond joy for me. And I know we just were complaining about king size. Never enough almond? Never enough almond or the joy.

I wanted bigger. It feels like they needed more nut. Well, because when you go a king size almond joy. He can't stop laughing. He can't stop laughing because I said it needed more nut. That's where we're at. He's looking around to try to calm himself. You know, it's like if David's got a pair of Jordans and the

Yeah, exactly. You motherfucker. So a king size Almond Joy was just double. Yeah, it was just two of them. Yeah, it was just, well, there always was two. And then it was four. Yeah. So anyway, good call.

Mounds was too much for me though. You needed that nut. Well, sometimes you feel like... You set me up to laugh. You set me up to giggle. You did, too. I've just been talking. You know me too well.

I've just been talking like friend to friend. You set me up to giggle. It's peer-to-peer. Yeah, well... Peer-to-peer file sharing. Make your fifth... This is LimeWire, baby.

Make your fifth pick, Dick. Yeah, and surprise, surprise. It wasn't Girls Gone Wild. It was Rick Astley. Okay, my final pick is going to be... This is an old school. My mom used to be a social worker, as some of you know. And I think she always had these because she worked with old people and they liked them.

And she likes them too, but this was like... This was a candy I ate. Give me the first letter and let me guess. W. Oh, well, cause there could be two. Okay. I bet I know what it is. Is it Werther's?

Yeah. Yeah. Werther's original. I liked them. I've, I've always been like, yo, I really get pegged with where there's like, how did they become the commercials were for old people? Do you remember why though? Cause I was like,

I was, when I was your age, I was like, I was like six and my great grandmother had a grip of those at her crib, but I loved them. I don't know what it is, but it was definitely, I've always been like,

it's hard caramel. I'm chaos, but my brain wants to be an old, boring person. Like all I want is just a stupid boring life when you spell boring do you put a silent g on the front i'm gonna throw you out of the window no i know what you mean it's the the mellow candy inside the inside the mouth yeah it's just chill man candy inside the eye of the storm yeah it's not really doing much it's just chill, man. The mellow candy inside the eye of the storm. Yeah, it's not really doing much. It's not asking you for anything. Sure. Werther's original was never like, send in three box tops and get a skateboard.

They were just like, hey, man, we're Werther's. We're over here in the cut. You know where we're at. Come see me. I wouldn't have minded like a slightly chewier version of Werther's. That is a good point. That is fair. That is fair.

And because when they get small, they get kind of sharp. You remember that? Well, yeah, because when you're a kid, when you're a kid, tell me not to do a lot of stuff. Do not tell me not to bite into the hard candy because I will wreck my fucking teeth.

I know they're going to fall out. What am I doing? I'm in the fourth grade. Everything's free. I don't know. What do you mean a fucking bill, bro? I am I doing? I'm in the fourth grade. Everything's free. I don't know. What's, what do you mean a fucking bill, bro? I'll fight these teeth. Take me to fucking Vietnam. Yeah. Is that what you thought that conflict was about?

Yeah. Fighting over Werther's. No, I just a softer, they don't, again, they didn't need to be like chewy. Yeah.

Yeah. Softer. I know what you mean. Gentler Werther's. But that flavor was just, I just, yeah, I like it. Well, and when you think about what you're doing, you worth. But that flavor was just, I just, yeah, I like it.

Well, and when you think about what you're doing, you're just, you're just sucking on hard caramel, which is, see, I set you up and you laughed. It's a little, a little harder not to do from the other side, huh? Yeah, you got me. You really got me. I tried to do it earlier. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I said something about caramel and I tried to do it, but it didn't get you. But yeah, you got me on hard caramel, but I'm also not lying.

It's it like, it's feels abrasive having like a, there's no way to say it. That's not going to be sound perverted, but it happened like a very hard candy in your mouth. It just like, it feels abrasive. I want something a little softer.

Neither one of us are smiling. Well, I'm not laughing. So my fifth pick here, we're in our thirties. I'm in my late thirties, by the way. I'm in my early.

So my last pick is going to be for me. And I, there was no way anyone was going to take this in any draft unless it was my aunt, Leslie and me having one pick each. But it's going to be a twin bing. You ever had a twin bing? No, I've never had a, that's made up. You ever heard of a cherry bing?

No. You ever heard of a twin cherry? I've seen them called all three things. Oh, I feel like I've heard of a cherry bing. So what they are. It's in that weird waxy wrapper. They're all kind of in a weird. So what they are, they're two and it's, they look like turds kind of.

They're like nutty. It's like nutty chocolate molded over a cherry center. They're amazing. I got your nutty chocolate swinging. Yeah, I bet you got it swinging you dickweed. They're like nutty chocolate wrapped in cherry or there's cherry wrapped in nutty chocolate. And there's two of them. It's called a twin Bing or a twin cherry or, uh, what did I say?

Cherry Bing. So it's any one of those I've seen. Is it those like, is it the same kind of cherries, like the cherries and the fruit pies where they're just those super chemical? This is like a real, well, I'm sure it's's very chemical but it's a real thick uh not it's like if you could make ice cream not cold right but still the same consistency that kind of that's what the cherry is like so like sort of thawed ice cream not cold but the same consistency and cherry wrapped in like a nutty chocolate uh and there's

two of them so it's you know there's and they're connected and you want to do it in like in my in my profession it's been three bites so you do the one okay and then you you know one from the side and then throw the last one in but yeah so twin bing if anyone's heard of a twin bing or had a twin bing or anything just you know tweet at know, tweet at me, holler at your boy. Cause I need a little reassurance. David's looking at me like I'm a complete asshole. So yeah. Left a lot of good candies on the board though.

I mean, they, so they ran through the candies they left on the board and I didn't, I didn't go through all those, but there are, I mean, I had some weird ones. I had almond Roka.

I don't know what almond Roka is. I think they make them specifically in the Northwest. It's like this like weird almond log thing. You never seen one of those before? No, but okay. I also Ferrero Rocher. That.

So I never even ate them until I was an adult. No dude. I didn't eat them when I was a kid. I didn't eat them when I was a kid. Cause I was going to say, I thought they were like 10 bucks. I mean, they kind of are, but like, I don't eat them when I was a kid. I didn't eat them when I was a kid at all. Because I was going to say Russell. I thought they were like 10 bucks. I mean, they kind of are, but like. I don't know.

But like, I was going to say Russell Stover as a whole, Russell Stover chocolates, but. Yeah. It's like Valentine's chocolates. Talking about candy. Yeah. Ferrero Rocher. I didn't find out about until two years ago. Those things are fire though.

Dog. Yeah. Ian was talking because I was like, I'm going to get Laura like a grab bag for Valentine'sine's day and he's like put some feroce in there and i was like what is that he goes bro you don't know what that is so i think ian took me out of those lindor truffles you know what else is good is a nut goody so they're like i'm serious get out of here i'm serious they're not doing that bit anymore it's maple so it's like it's like a flat and there's a different version of it it's like a flat and there's a different version of it. It's like a,

I had it pulled up earlier. The version I'm that I know of, it's a red wrapper. Some of it is green and it's a nut goody and it's, it's like flat. It's maple nougat, I guess you want to say, and then peanuts and then chocolate over that.

Okay. Probably like a five biter. Okay. The five biter's pretty good. It's another one of those obscure ones where I'm like, is anyone really going to get this if I bring it up? That's how I felt about Chico Sticks. Yeah.

No, dog, we used to get those at Carousel. So the skating rink in Sioux Falls. Yeah. And also back at the Y when I played foosball all the time. They were cheap candies. Chico Sticks are cheap. You can still get them if you go back. You remember, big thing about those is a lot of them were broken when you got them.

Yeah, oh yeah, broke the fuck up. Because they're long and brittle and you're like, well, yeah, kids are going to break these. I remember the Albertsons down the street from my apartment. You could get them for like, I think it was like 10 cents. When we were kids, they're fucking, yeah. It was poor people candy. It was poor people candy for sure. Well, because they were like 10 cents right by the they're fucking, yeah, there it was like, it was poor people. Candy. Yeah. Well,

cause they were like 10 cents right by the counter. Yeah. And you're like, I do want a Chico stick. Fuck. Yeah. Walk down the street. Like,

yeah. Fucking just crunching on that. Charles, the shoes were another one of those broke kid where you just see the big candy bar and you're like, well, if I'm getting a candy bar, I'm getting the biggest one.

Yeah. Like, yeah. So anyway, just to, and just to wrap it up, uh, to go back over it, David, you started off the draft and you picked mini Reese's peanut butter cup followed by Hershey's cookies and cream, lifesavers, gummies, almond joy, and Werther's man. I feel like you grew up in that draft.

man, I feel like you grew up in that draft. You even started off mini and then you ended up, you ended up with no teeth. No, man. That's like, yeah, that was a very, yeah. Then I went, uh, I started off with Snickers and then I went Sour Patch Kids, then Caramellos, Skittles and and cherry Bing, twin Bing, or twin cherry. Ching ching. Twin Bing is, is what the song. What about my cherry Bing?

What about my cherry Bing? What about my twin Bing, Jerry Bing up today? I feel like you just made that up. You needed a great job. Thank you. So that is the, that is a draft. Sorry. It's a little shorter than normal, but yeah, guys, you know, we're one third out, so you're going to miss a third of it.

But we just wanted to let you guys know we love you. And we're happy that you guys are here. We would rather do this than not give you something. We were going to be doing this anyways. It might not have been about candy, but we were going to be sitting. Yeah, we're going to hang out right here. It's nothing new. Yeah, so cop some tickets to the tours. If you guys, if you, any of those cities, cop tickets, come say what's up.

We seriously would love to see you. And it makes us, it just, it's so much, it's so cool just to be able to go and go on a tour. I just can't believe that we're actually doing it. Like after all this talk, we've been talking about it for like a year and we, here we are like literally a week away from the first show. Yeah, man. It's crazy.

Yeah. I'm stoked. So truth to power spoke it. There it is. Uh, that is it for this week's episode. Shout out to everyone on the Patreon. Uh,

shout out to everybody who follows us on Twitter. Hit us up at all fantasy pod at gmail.com. I believe it's all fantasy pod or all fantasy podcast. Uh, hit us up on Twitter. It's still open DMS. Hit us all up on the gram if you feel like it. Yeah. Hop on the shout out to everyone on the Patreon again. Shout out to Sid, the dude. Shout out to Haji beats. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out for real for real. And by the way, shout out to St. Sue Carmel. But my mom just had a gnarly neck surgery. Shout out to St. Kelly Jordan. And she is doing okay.

So she was in the ICU for like four days. I was freaking the fuck out. And she's going to go home in a couple days. She said, bye, CU. Yeah, bro. I almost started crying. Yeah. And honestly, I tweeted about that.

And a lot of people responded. And it means the world. If you, if anybody ever sends a message in and they, cause a lot of people do when they say like, I hope this doesn't sound stupid or I I'm sorry for bothering you. Take those words and get them out of there. Cause you're not bothering them in the ICU. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not bothering anyone. Nothing sounds dumb. Everyone's yeah. Every everyone's lovely. Everything's perfect. I love it. Shout out to Rashid Wallace in a Blazers jersey for sure.

For everything you've done. Shout out to Dank Unheard of Whiskey. Shout out to Marissa. Super producer Marissa. Who's going to be chopping this up in about 10 minutes and is going to have it ready for you guys tomorrow. Probably because she's amazing. Never, never like a, Hey,

Sean, hurry the fuck up. No, it's crazy. It's crazy the way she puts up with this. She seriously does. We're the luckiest guys in the world. I tell you. Everybody do us a solid. When you hear this, if you made it to the end tweet at mars tell her how dope she is yeah and tell her how we couldn't do it without her imagine if we get a hundred people to tweet at her right when they hear the end of this that'll make her day i hope so yeah do it so that is uh that is it thank you seriously everybody so much for listening next week we'll be back with all three of us guaranteed so uh yeah please tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything

caramello. That was a HateGum Podcast.