All Fantasy Everything - Celebs Who Go By Fake Names (w/ Chris Charpentier, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

What's good, all fam! This week we're drafting the Real Names Of People Who Go By Stage Names with our guest Chris Charpentier. We discuss the vicious rumor floating around that Chris Pine is only a stage name. Listen and find out our thoughts on his real name. Episode Guest:Chris Charpentier @charpiecomedy IG: @charpiecomedy Podcast: Sports Bullies The GameSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. makes it easy to be inspired and entertained as part of your everyday routine without needing to set aside extra time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Listening can lead to positive change in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting celebrities who go by fake names and their real actual birth names because, well, damn it, because it's going to be fun.

Our guest today, speaking of fun, is friend and comedian Chris Charpentier, returning to the draft for his seventh time. Seven times up in the club. Chris hosts the podcast Sports Bullies the Game, and his stand-up album Brain Thoughts is available now on A Special Thing Records. I'm your host, Ian Carmelmel and we're joined by my friend and comedian and father to be and cameo superstar and backwards hat from way back aficionado and proud north dakotan sean jordan sean jordan is, David Borey is not here, David Borey, uh, I'll say it, he's in Bolivia right now for reasons I can't get into. Uh, let's get into the podcast.

welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that really can't get into why david's in bolivia like really well now this is the first time this is the first time hearing about it and yeah i've heard of david but that is bolivia now is this like slang does he have a new girlfriend? Is that what you're saying? Cause he's in Bolivia. I don't know. He just texted me. I mean, I'm in Bolivia.

Really? I'm not going to be able to make it to the podcast. I'm good. Sharpie is going to fill in. Really? Yeah. Well, we're going to have to, let's go not quit, not super quick, but quicker than normal. Cause I have to, before business ends in Hong Kong, I need to, I gotta, I gotta do a i gotta do a cup i send a couple faxes i thought you ended business in hong kong i thought that's what you said the last time i saw you as you walked as you walked off into the sunset you

said i'm about to end business in hong kong yeah man i'm about to put a bunch of cans of soup on a boat and just go out to sea be like you guys have fun on the mainland i'll be out there by saipan here's some scintillating gossip that's gonna get i think particularly the younger listeners all of twitter i uh recently exchanged my ikea bookshelf that i've been keeping perishable or non-perishable food items in for a hutch from the pottery barn okay and uh boy that non-perishable food they mean it there's some of that soup it's not going bad until 2023 yeah they don't yeah man soup don't never die some of that tomato soup especially there's nothing in there where's it going there's nothing in there that's going

anywhere i have a lot of tomato soup in my pantry right dude. Lots. You know, lots. Lots. A fun journey to go down dinner. I don't feel like people do this enough. You heat it in the microwave, you get yourself an entire sleeve. Before you get into this, before you get into this,

I do want to remind listeners that Sean Jordan recently made Indian food. I sure did. And as Twitter proved, was properly making a taco dish. Even though David and i were making fun of them boy they gave me the fucking news and the weather sharpie i'll tell you this okay i i put tacos in there i put tacos i put potatoes in there and ian and david let me have

it both barrels you know and um you put potatoes in where you two i gotta i'm gonna put them in your mouth stop when he was cooking the ground beef he chopped up potato cubes and put potatoes in where you two i gotta i'm gonna put them in your mouth stop when he was cooking the ground beef he chopped up potato cubes and put them in the cooking ground beef okay seemed seemed weird to david and i it sure did yeah i can't disagree so we as is our as is our want uh made made mary of it. We engaged in much jocularity. Sure. And some light ribbing regarding Sean's culinary habit. Yeah, there it is.

Love that. And it took place over several two-hour-long episodes of All Fantasy Everything. Only to culminate, not the first few times, but eventually. I think when we had a particularly active session of bashing the old Shaniata, as it were. Twitter came to his defense and let David and I know, and I think mostly me, that we were being culturally unawares. uh, unawares and that, that throwing a bunch of chopped up potatoes and some simmering ground beef is a, uh,

is a well-respected traditional Mexican culinary tradition. And that it was us who were mistaken and not Sean. So he, he's the real cook, dude. He's the chef. Well, we should have been listening to him all along.

Yeah, exactly. Well, what I was, man, it's hard to say what I was going to say after, after all that praise, I was going to say after all that praise. I was going to say a road not traveled that often as you microwave yourself some Campbell's tomato soup and get a whole sleeve of saltines and that's dinner.

Oh, yeah. I think that road's been traveled plenty often. The crackers, they go so quick. I feel like I couldn't eat a whole sleeve at one time if it were not for a bowl of Campbell's soup. Oh, I've eaten a whole sleeve of saltines before with like a big thing of water. One thing I like is to put just a couple saltines in my mouth and then take a big swig of water and let it disintegrate.

Yep, I've done that. I'm a fan of having that kind of a chip and a drink of something and letting them work it out, fighting it out, see what ends up in there last. The octagon. My whole life, this has never been an issue, but just, I don't know, the last three months maybe, I just love eating in the middle of the night.

It's been my thing lately. Really? Yeah, just like waking up and then i was going and plowing food whatever i whatever anything anything and then going back to bed and then going right back to bed it's not wow it's not good uh but that's been my thing lately are you seeing a little weight gain attached to it or is it just oh yeah i'm as heavy as i've ever been. It's pretty exciting. Yep. You and I are switching places pretty soon. Absolutely. If you get below me weight-wise,

I don't know what's going to happen. That's going to be quite a day. I'm at 227 right now, so I think you've got some wiggle room. I'm at 182. You've got quite a... I don't know if I'll ever get to 182. You've got some wiggle room.

Well, I'm working my way up to 220. No problem. Climbing the ladder, man. When all this started, I don't know if I'll ever get to 182. You got some wiggle room. Well, I'm working my way up to 220. No problem. Climbing the ladder, man. When all this started, your boy was 238, roughly. So Ian now is currently smaller than I was when we started pandemic. Holy shit. He keeps ducking me, though. I spent the last year getting down to his weight class so we could fight at UFC 268.

And now he keeps losing weight he keeps dropping weight too yeah man i'm a i'm a welter weight now come on sean what are you you weigh less than me what is well there's walter white it's walter white what do you weigh now i'm tipping the old toledo about 190 oh we're getting about, boy. And how tall are you? 6'2". Gentleman 6'1.5", probably. Okay. Yeah. When I'm 5'5".

Putting it on. And you're about 10 pounds heavier than me. You're built like a fullback, though, dude. That's what you want. That's what we want coming out of the backfield. Absolutely. Chris Okoye. I'm turning into a square.

It's pretty interesting. What are you eating late at night just like whatever's in the fridge just like some leftovers whatever i got that night sometimes it's candy sometimes it's chips sometimes it's cheese just straight up going and yeah that right i'll do that lock of a cheese i'll do that i mean i've danced i've danced with all those ladies it's just never that late at night i mean i, of all my accomplished gluttony, I've never been a wake up, go eat, go back to bed person. That's the one I haven't done.

I don't know where it's coming from. It's really weird. Are you stoned when this is happening? Yeah, man. Yeah. But that's nothing new. That's no. It isn't. You're right. That is is nothing new so that shouldn't be affecting anything but maybe it is maybe it is maybe i'm finally

getting to the point that every other person has seemed to get to where they're like i think i might be kind of done smoking weed or at least gonna slow way down because it like affects you in a weird way right yeah maybe that's what's going to happen if it gets like i'm still not getting paranoid or anything thank god or anxious yeah but i'm getting fat which is making me paranoid and anxious which is yeah yeah yeah well your pants will split and then you'll be like what the fuck was that noise? It's like that kind of thing. Who's that ghost in here ripping pants?

Somebody's sneaking in here at night and replacing my shirts with smaller shirts. They're ripping out the crotch of all of my pants. Unbelievable. They're pushing my thighs closer together when i walk i don't know what the fuck's going on i love it that's tight dude like the shirts bro like the shirts dude bruv brethren sean jordan is here sean is jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram sean back sean sean backwards hat again on kathleen man, dude. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be a backwards hat guy.

It's with a daughter. I don't want to be the guy with a backwards hat with a kid. I just don't. The 40-year-old, I got to say. You look good. I think you can do it. I think you can still do it. I just don't think you can do it as often.

I think it needs to be a weekend thing and it's your like day-to-day it's a hair thing it's it's a hair thing it's like uh it's i'm not a shower in the morning anymore guy i shower at night before i go to bed because it makes me that's something that's happened during pandemic i'm like a shower before bed nothing better and then i just crawl into bed so clean i love it um i do love that but But I got to have that. I got to have that morning shower, dude. I don't anymore. Like I get up and I throw on the hat. And that was the big thing.

I just throw the hat on. I'll go for a walk with my coffee. And that's like my morning. That's how I wake up. Not a shower anymore. Because I don't have anywhere to be. You have somewhere to be, you know, so it's I can wake up and just like take the take an hour or whatever to go on a walk.

And then it's not going to ruin anything. Anyway. Not pretty soon. You're going to have a kid all the time. All the time. I'm going to have it all the time. I'll tell you, if we didn't get him with the hutch talk, I think we're getting him with the morning shower routine.

It's funny how not boring it is to me, because I'm like, Mar marissa let's send this one right to apple you got it let's have a front page it is riveting riveting i have a show coming up may 23rdrd. Yes. Outdoors. Helium. Five bells. Bring everyone you know. Please. Mm-hmm.

And then, yeah. That's it. That's all I got coming up. May 23rd. It'll be very much looking forward to it. It'll be very fun. I have some new stand-up I'm very excited about. Other than that, man, you know, just best of the best. What are you writing about?

What are you writing about? Give us a little sneak preview dude i wrote a fun little bit about how i how this is like how i should have treated high school like the quarantine where i just skateboard all day and watch movies so i should have went and dropped out that's and then i talk about how the only reason i'd want to go back to high school is to do things that you thought you would get in trouble for, but now as an adult, you know you wouldn't. Oh, so true. And a big one, which is calling teachers by their first name.

And that would be because you can't get in trouble for that, but you thought you could back in the day. And it'd just be so fun to show up and be like, to your history teacher. And she's like, what's happening, Derek? And then sit down. I think that depends on how Derek runs his classroom is whether or not you get in trouble for it

well that's if he's like go to the office you're like fine Derek yeah but you wouldn't get serious trouble yeah you couldn't get like expelled for for like if you're a perfect student other than calling teachers by their first name they're gonna love it you could also just like open a gallon of milk and put a straw

on it and sit there and drink it well that see that was a punishable offense though you couldn't drink anything in class at lincoln high school so what what if you called him by the wrong name that oh yeah his name was derrick and you just called him you know jeff or tom hey chad every day it's a different name brody start getting fun with it alphonse dude how funny would that be you show up to like you're a new student or something and they go like you know we have a new student here sean everybody and i look i just look at the teacher and i go lefonzo is it just walk back to whatever chair i want yeah sean sean sean sean

and you are Lafonso. Lafonso Henderson. All right. You're the 20th century American history teacher. Man, that's true. I didn't, I was so afraid of getting in trouble back in school that I never really acted out at all. I started, I was never afraid in middle school. You know why? Because people poisoned my mind. They said middle school didn't matter. I had a bunch of adults be like, grades don't matter till high school or nothing matters till high school study habits matter before high school because those are what you take into high school with you and how you act at school matters because that's how you're gonna act in high school so i was um i was i wasn't like a dick but i was not fun to be around if you're a teacher i don't think

you're gonna do just fine as a dad dude that was that was i felt i wish i would have heard that in middle school i stopped caring or trying in third grade i'm totally serious i changed schools uh from a from a public school to a Catholic school. And I walked in to my new class and they were doing cursive paragraphs. They were writing cursive paragraphs. And I just learned how to regular write, like write in print. And they were writing in cursive doing paragraphs and i was

like oh i gotta learn i gotta get by somehow else and so it's it ain't gonna be writing for your boy exactly so then i started the charm monster started right then in third grade i was like let's figure something out and i stopped. I figured out they'll pass you. They'll just pass you. If you're cute enough, they'll pass you. You had cursive conversation. I did. Yeah.

It was loopy and fancy and went from one word to another effortlessly. You worked on a conversational cursive, man. That's more important. Well said. I would have trouble writing the cursive man that's more important well said i would have trouble writing the cursive alphabet right now i think oh once you get to like z and like i was just gonna say a capital z is real funny come on yeah i don't i don't know what they were it's like i'm because they pardon my ignorance i feel like i say that all the time they don't teach cursive anymore do they not really i didn't think i don't know i thought they were kind of done with it

it'd be it'd be like teaching blacksmithing to me it would feel nuts what's the fucking point uh swords man and you know oh not blacksmithing we're talking about cursive we could oh yeah what is the point yeah all right sorry i get a little hot when people dog on blacksmithing i apologize it's just hard to read yeah that's all it is now it used to be kind of cool but now it's just hard to read there's no reason for it i write all my stand-up longhand with a pen and like paper and i still don't use cursive yeah no that is a you don't Yeah, no. That is a, you don't kind of do cursive. You don't kind of blend some letters. I do kind of do cursive.

Like a L-Y definitely runs into each, you know, like I'm using some of it. There's like, Trey, I use cursive the way I use Yiddish, which is just like. Sure. For fun. Just every now and then for fun. Yeah. So Sean Jordan's got a show at Helium, for God's sake. And if you don't go to it uh he's gonna send

an owl to your house to just sort of sit outside your bedroom window and stare at you i sure will man i sure will just fucking eyeball you dude just really get act like i won't a snow owl dude forget about it just a beautiful owl you're gonna fall in love with you're gonna fall in love with it not sexually but not not sexually kind of like i don't know if anyone's seen my octopus teacher that documentary i just watched it today you just watched he's he's totally into the octopus by the end of it he's totally into it yeah really yes yes really yes i saw a preview on the oscars i think did it win did it win some awards? It won the Oscar. Okay. For what?

For Best Documentary Feature. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I don't know, Marissa, if you agree with me, at the end, you're like... That shocks me. That news shocks me.

I did not know it won the Oscar. Yeah, it won the Oscar. And by the end of the documentary, you're like, okay, so he let... He made that octopus put his tentacles around his penis at some point like that definitely happened he does sound horny like when he's when he's taught when you can hear him talking to it you're like you're horny you sound a little

horned up for that octo it sounds like that dude knows what an octopus feels like up against your penis yeah which is yeah i really think he does i really think i know it is it's like i would have a drink with him just to sort of get that information i can't say it wouldn't be interesting um yeah you know it's just like the same way where you're like i need a cricket you know just to see sure just to see anyway sean sent an owl to people's houses if you live in portland you don't come to the you don't come you're gonna fall in love with the owl and the owl's going to give you the cold shoulder and it's gonna ruin you and then dissolve your marriage damn right dude damn right sharpie's here chris sharp but you're at sharpie comedy on instagram

at sharpie comedy on twitter as well across That's right. What do you got going on, man? I tried to change it. I tried to change it a while ago. I was like, I should just be Chris Charpentier. I wonder if anybody has that. Yeah. And it's too long. That's frustrating.

I was like, fuck. And then I remembered that's why I didn't have it to begin with. What about just Charpentier? Now everything's taken. It's been too long. I'm screwed. Anyway, what am I up to? Not much, dude.

I'm going to Denver to do some shows at the end of May. I'm also going back. So at the last weekend of May, I'll be at the Comedy Fort doing shows with Steph Toloff and the Boulder Comedy Show. So if you're around, come to those. But more importantly, I'm going for my dad's 70th birthday to surprise him. He doesn't know it's going to be dope. And then we're going to get him and my mom because I guess she's going to sneak in on this present.

We're going to get him like a dream vacation. I'm fucking so amazing. God damn sick, dude. I'm so good. I've never we've my family has never done anything like this for each other. So it's dope. I'm so excited. Where's the, where's the vacation for it?

If you, if you don't mind me asking, I don't mind you asking because it's all weird. COVID times. My dad's dream vacation is to go to, uh, on a safari, but I don't know when they're really going to be able to do that so we're not getting them tickets to anything but we're going to give them the like we'll buy you whatever you want to whenever you're allowed to do whatever it is you choose yeah as soon as this opens up so yeah exactly so if they decide to do something like, well, rather than like, wait a few years, what if we just, you know, went to wherever now? So, so it's up to them depending on everything, but I'm fucking pumped.

I hope you just, I decided, I hope that they go on a safari. That's the whole point. That's what I really want to get him. It'd be so dumb. Oh dude, it'd be so cool. I can't think of anything cooler. I would love to go on a safari. That's being a lion in the freaking wild,

or as wild as whatever. Well, you know, Sioux Falls has a few bigger buildings than they did, say, like 10 years ago, so I can think of things that are equal to that. Yeah, maybe a safari through the rolling black Hills of Western South Dakota. Probably do that now, but well, they've already done that.

You know, otherwise, yeah, he's 70. He's lived. He's seen the world. He's lived some life. Yeah.

It's like, yeah. Otherwise that would be, obviously that's first on the list. You go on safari outside of Sioux Falls, you might see some methamphilephants, you know? Just out there walking around. Methamphilephants. Dude, one of the first times I went on the road, I went on a tour up to South Dakota to do a comedy.

And I was with this dude, Troy Baxley, very funny comedian. I know. Yeah, I was opening for him and I was driving him around and we stopped at a gas station and he went inside to get whatever he needed. And he came back out and he was like, all right, dude, you got to go in there. And I was like, what? He's like, you have to go in there. There are so many people in there with eye patches. He was like, you got to go in there. And I was like, what? He's like, you have to go in there. There are so many people in there with eye patches.

He was like, you have to go in. You have to go in. Like, I'm sorry, but you have to go in and just see how many people in there have eye patches. That's so funny. And he was right. I had to go in and check it out. It was like four different people with eye patches in one gas station at one time.

So wild. It was, that's amazing. It was good stuff. I wonder, I wonder if they showed up together. They didn't look like it, but why would they all have eye patches?

You know what, what would be the, I don't know if somebody in the back of the newspaper is like a left eye looking for a right eye together, you know, let's see it through. L-E-S-R-E. R-E-S-R-E. Single left eye seeking single right eye. Single left eye, dude.

Willing to swim. That's all you wanted to hear for a while, Sean, going single left eye. I sure did. Single chili, single teapots, or single left eye seeking one sean and yeah any one of them my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish all right now hold on now wait a minute ballpark app. What's ballpark? Is that like a hot dog?

It's like the Major League Baseball's official app, but you can only use it to watch, like, Sandy Koufax play. I went to a... When Ivan Carmel was in town, we went to a Dodger game. I took him to a Dodger game. It was great. We had a good old time. It was they played the padres and like fernando tatis jr had two home runs it was like a

i had a fucking dodger dog it was a beautiful time had a beer dude that ruins that's when you have a beer and you're like i'm having a beer because i'm at the ball game not because i want to alter my state it's it's more fun it was a bit they just sell you the big ones there too so it was like i had a big beer some pretzels and a hot dog yeah fuck yeah was it super hot outside it was it was nighttime no it was like it was kind of a cooler it was probably like low 60s which is another like my favorite kind of baseball is when it's super hot and you're having a cold beer but that like kind of chilly night game it has its own it's its own set of charms you know and so i didn't mind that yeah put on like a windbreaker yeah it was also weird

it was the first time i've sat in a and chris you'll see the opposite side of this here pretty soon it was the first time i sat in a ballpark seat without just spilling out over it onto the seats next to me. Every other time I've ever, my whole life when I've sat, I have to really fold myself up and get as small as possible. And even then, my belly's kind of hanging over. And I know the person next to me is like, part of them thinking like i spent six hundred dollars on stubhub for this ticket and like i'm not gonna say anything to this guy because that's mean but like fuck man like fuck and you're eating the right fucking brisket sandwich too yeah but you were always like you were always like the mayor of that row though you made sure that everybody was chilling and having a good

time a hundred percent but it was like it felt so like i just like fit in my seat this time it was crazy it was such a it was such a lovely feeling that's the weird thing about losing this weight is there's all these little like bonuses like along the way that i did that i never even thought of until i was like sitting down and i was like have you been on a plane yet no oh man that's gonna be oh yeah that'll be a fucking amazing friday nice where are you going i'll know i'll find out on friday uh i'm going to chicago to meet danner's parents yeah that's a big deal dude yeah i've never met her i've never met her parents before so i'm going out there to meet her parents and her brother. And Scottie Pippen, right? Hell yeah.

And Scottie Pippen. That's her brother. I'm going to play Scottie Pippen. And I have to play him one-on-one if I want to keep dating Dana. That's why you lost all the weight. That's why I lost the weight. I don't know. We'll see what's going to happen.

They don't play games on paper. That's all I'll say to Scottie right now if he's listening. You hear him, Scottie. They don't play. We'll see what's going to happen. They don't play games on paper. That's all I'll say to Scotty right now. Yeah, man. You hear him, Scotty. They don't play the games on paper. That's why they happen on the court or the hardwood or the clay court or the grass court. I'm going to have Hort on the court. I don't have anything to promote. Oh, yeah.

What? Go ahead. I was just going to say I went to a restaurant for the first time last night because I'm now fully vexed. How was that? I went to a restaurant for the first time last night because I'm now fully vaxxed. How was that? I went to a Korean barbecue, sat inside the whole thing like a normal place, normal thing. Oh, my God. It feels so good. I'll tell you, it didn't help with feeling like the fattest person on the planet.

It made me, I've stretched my skin as tight as it's ever been stretched after that but it was so worth it all you are is a man meeting a moment all right that's all that is when you're a little chubby going into korean restaurant like korean barbecue you're just a man meeting a moment that's it meat is spilled you know how you're i mean i have a meeting you just tell your tell your girl like yeah i gotta go to this korean barbecue i gotta i got a meeting. You just tell your girl like, yeah, I got to go to this Korean barbecue. I got a meeting. In your mind, you're spelling it. I left this out. We rented a movie theater and watched Mortal Kombat.

And that was a, again, just it reminded me of it because I was like, oh man, this is so cool. So cool. And to all the bad reviews given to Mortal Kombat, by the way, what the fuck did you expect? Whoever said bad things about the movie, it's like, it's Mortal Kombat with a K. The main characters are Liu Kang, Kung Lao,

Scorpion, Sub-Zero, what are we doing? I see a pattern forming for a dank movie, if you ask me. But some people just can't handle the truth, man. And it blows my mind every time I read a bad review of something like that where it's like of course of course that's what well you mean jack's killed people of course jack's killed people who all who all went i know nick man pay not on the podcast not in the studio was there who else uh isaac uh shane um keith um yeahblazer, a few other folks. Oh, yeah.

I know Keith. And it was, I believe Ira went. So I didn't actually get to like chill with anyone because we were up. I went to the balcony where the bar was and you couldn't go to both. So I was like, well, you know, I'll be upstairs for theh and I'll see you guys outside after the movie. A Hollywood theater or what? No, it was an AMC in Vancouver. Like a

actual theater in an AMC. It was crazy. Did it feel like it was louder because it was just you guys? Yeah, well, we were hooting and hollering, dude. It was fun. It was just us, so we did whatever we wanted. dude it was fun it was it was just us so we did whatever we wanted it was great and i just it was so fun just to be out in the world like

safely but you know doing it yeah i fucking love it it's the best yeah man man mortal combat we'll be seen again by these ojos right here yeah i loved it also i thought it was absolutely terrific i also thought kong vs godzilla was fucking terrific i just loved it those were great movies i thought they were both great maybe the best of the whole pan dang it for me i think the thing about both of those movies it does what it says on the can exactly combat kong versus godzilla it's fucking what it's it's all happening in there i love that what more do you need you knew what you were getting into kong versus godzilla wasn't going to be kramer versus kramer

it wasn't going to be a divorce movie about king kong and godzilla they're fighting and there's people well why did godzilla leave him alone and you're like because it would have made the movie 20 minutes instead of two hours if he didn't leave him alone that's why they were like i heard people i saw people on twitter why did where did king kong get a hammer or an axe from shut up that's where he got it from the fucking cool dope shit stores where he got it from can some king kong's build things sure if that's what you need to hear he has an axe yeah does it matter who who cares he got it from home depot laura would like she'd tune out for a minute and then she'd be like so what's going on i was like boy i couldn't tell you even if i was paying the most attention in the world i couldn't tell

you i'm just like they're they're going at it i'll tell you that somebody upset somebody and they're getting in a fight about it brian tyree henry knew what movie he was in he sure did he sure did that dude rules man yeah for anyone not listening brian tony or not knowing brian tyree henry was paperboy in uh atlanta so yeah he's it's like a very different character for him it's very fun to see and a podcast host which had to be fictional because it was another podcast yeah yeah not a lot of those out there in that movie now as far as promotion goes i just keep watching the late late show with james corden where i am involved in the monologues in a meaningful way and listen to all fantasy everything and keep an eye on twitter for fun future developments now we are gathered here today not only to talk about godzilla versus

kong though we could we could because i don't think i don't think godzilla or king kong are either of their real names i think those are stage names uh shanti this was your topic and as soon as sean texted me i'll be honest sean texted me a list of topics you came up with. I didn't read anything except the top one because I was so excited about this topic. I'm going to go back and read the other ones because you always have amazing topic ideas. But I read it and I was like, yes. Yes, you really do. You have good ideas, man. They're always.

You and Zach are always the people who come with fire, just the best ideas. And this is like so fucking good. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the two of you and we throw on shoot. So here we go. All the marbles.

One throw. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh! Sean wins! Finally, man. rock paper scissors shoot oh sean wins finally man had to get david had to get david out of the octagon for a minute that's right there's no way that the one that i want is gonna make it to me now but that's okay i know i know well what if he makes you puts you first there's still time for sean to fuck up you might start sweating get nervous is there a clear is there a clear first here there is for me i don't know i don't think so there's there's some fun i have some tears i have a top tier that is one name and then i have like a second tier that's three and i wouldn't

mind getting anyone in that second tier and if i can get two of them boysenberry pie sean uh now as the winner of rock paper says it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft what is that exactly that's a great question i you know i'm i'm excited to ask it's if you it's like properly syruping a waffle now Now, for everybody listening, all I can see, Sharpie's moved slightly to his left, and all I can see is his wide-open screaming face because that's his background. It's very funny and distracting for a second.

It's like properly syruping a waffle. They have X amount of holes. You start at the top, the far top left, as far top left as you can get on a circle, and then you fill that with syrup, and then you go to the right until they're all filled with syrup, that whole top left, as far top left as you can get on a circle. And then you fill that with syrup. And then you go to the right until they're all filled with syrup, that whole top row, which is only like two, two and a half waffle holes. Then you go down to the one right underneath it. You fill that all the way with syrup, each hole filled to the top, all the way with syrup until you get to the left.

And then you go down, back over to the the right and you fill every single open part of the waffle with syrup every single open part and that's that's how you properly syrup a waffle and also how a serpentine draft works much delicious that's a delicious explanation and basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round now sean with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be sharpie you get to go first hey the greasy wheel or the the greasy wheel gets the greasy wheel dude no one's called me the greasy wheel since middle school and hey the greasy wheel gets the squeak dude exactly oh that's great sharpie you go first i'll be going

second and you'll be going third hot corner yes all right well sharpie you have the first pick we will get to that first pick in the people who have stayed the way to the real names of the people who use stage names, All Fantasy Everything draft. We will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

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The greasy wheel will not budge on this one. The greasy wheel will not get the squeak. Sharpie, you go first. The greasy wheel. Thanks, bro. The greasy wheel. It was like I was calling my wife, yes, the greasy wheel. Man.

The greasy wheel is bad bro that sounds like something an alien would call a pizza yeah and they're british he sat down in front of his greasy wheel dude i could sit in front of a greasy wheel oh i love a greasy wheel uh sharpie time for your first pick well i can't believe uh i don't know what list that you were looking at sean that you didn't just go oh boy i need that to be number one would be steveland junkkins damn yes sir yes yeah that's yes sir steve land junkins the real name of stevie wonder it's so we've talked about this in depth and it's it's pronounced and i don't know if you think this is funny or less funny pronounced stevland stevland so i think it's funnier than

stevland stevland is ridiculous stevland is hilarious i've thought about this a lot i've thought about this a lot because we've talked about it a lot not a little bit on this podcast i just mean like in our friendship and i know his mother named him steveland yeah and i know that his real name is steveland and i've decided it's steveland steveland steveland calls everything round is a greasy wheel to steve when i was going through like a list of names and stuff i was like no way steveland yeah and then jodkins you don't even like i didn't get to the judkins for a bit there's a and there's another name and i forget but it sneaks its way in there it's like steve lynn's something judkins and it has a middle name it's you can find it some places i'm not

completely sure how accurate it is that's why i leave it i forgot what it was but um it's thunder bunny just what is it what can i do to compete with steve lynn jenkins i remember when i forget who told who but ian and i were at helium when whoever when whichever hand washed the other but that's when we got to share in the news together and whoever said it couldn't keep a straight face because it was like god i wish i can't remember who said it couldn't keep a straight face because it was like, God, I wish I... I can't remember who said it,

but they were like, guess what Stevie Wonder's real name is. And then they started smiling and they go, Steve-land. Could barely get it out. I was... Whichever one of us didn't believe the other,

we're like, no way. Hardaway is his middle name. Stevland Hardaway Judkins. That is so dope damn hardaway that's people's last names hardaway and he's just snuck right there in the middle wow judkins on its own is just fantastic as a name and stevlin i have you know what's weird you haven't met it it's not like you were like oh stevlin yeah that name that people have yeah not a lot but you know i thought it was stevlin because i've never met a stevelyn of course you did that's an incredible name dude

because then maybe his dad was steve and they were from cleveland right you think yeah i made up that name for like a character i was like oh i'm writing a tv show about a gay a guy his name is stevelyn jenkins you guys are like, that's funny, but you gotta change the name. It's stupid. It's stupid. And that's why he did, because he was like, I gotta change it to Stevie Wonder, which is equally a silly name.

Steve Lund, it just sounds like a mope, where you're just like, oh, Steve Lund got fired again, huh? Surprise, surprise. You can't wear weed to work, you know? You can't wear actual weed on your clothes steve lind stevie wonder dude little stevie wonder he was a child star yeah incredible i just read a bunch about him i didn't know a whole bunch of stuff and he was like when he was like 16 he got his first number one hit. Yeah. He used to be on the road and be like, he would make his songs go longer.

He wouldn't get off stage. Just like kind of being a dick. And then eventually they made him the headliner because they were like, okay, you're going to fucking. Really? You're going to like everybody. Oh, yeah. All the other people were like, just make him go last. Dude, that's what happened to shane man that's exactly why shane gets to headline anywhere

is because he was just like i'll just go and tell everyone else fall asleep yeah he was a step man that's so cool i heard a story some uh this guy was tweeting uh willie nelson birthday facts and they were talking like, it was somebody was going to visit like Willie Nelson on his ranch. It was like another country musician or somebody like that. When he showed up, there was somebody out in the field just doing donuts and like a Lincoln, just like tearing it, fuck tearing it up.

And, and the guy was like, who's out there in that car? And they were like, Stevie wonder. Willie Nelson just said, Stevie wanted to his ranch and was like, who's out there in that car? And they were like, Stevie Wonder. Willie Nelson just had Stevie Wonder to his ranch and was like, all right, go out there and just fucking do donuts in a car. You're not going to hit anyone. There's so much land.

Amazing. That's so cool. That's how you fucking live your life. That's great. That's tight. The conspiracy theory that Stevie wonder isn't blind is hilarious like it's so stupid why would it's so stupid it's so ridiculous well what would it change now if he like came out and was like yeah i was faking it for he's 70 for so like i was been

faking it for 65 years right i'd still go to a stevie wonder concert i might be more likely to go to a stevie wonder concert that means he's hilarious yeah he's committed he's yeah dude i'd i'd be like sure i'd like him more be like look at you look at you you i guess there's probably like ethically you shouldn't do that but yeah good commitment True. It was so long ago though. Um, that one, John gets excellent. First pick Chantel Jordan time for your first pick now.

And you know, feel free to not answer this, but do you think you guys drafted more on the, on the actual name because you liked the actual name or just the juxtaposition of that versus the stage name was so hilarious that you had to pick it or feel free to not answer and let me do my own thing but i'm just like uh you know there's some sprinkles and some chocolate syrup on my ice cream cone that's what i was just gonna say it's a swirl yeah so i'm going with something that was a complete shock to me that i did not know today and this is one of those

where the real name is so shocking to me that i have to pick today and this is one of those where the real name is so shocking to me that i have to pick it and uh this the person's real name is mark sinclair do either one of you know who mark sinclair is i do know who mark sinclair is i bet you did no it's vin it's vin diesel his fucking name and i was i was almost on the ground i was like no way because mark sinclair is such a different person than vin diesel it is it is not even funny oh man mark sinclair that way his voice wouldn't even sound like that if his name was mark sinclair i'd probably sound a lot like mine hi i'm Mark Sinclair and I'll be running for local County.

Uh, the head of the local County seat is what I'd like to be. You never had your County seat. I don't have friends or family. I got tax preparation. I have zoning regulations. Mark Sinclair. Yeah.

And then that's one of those where you're like, good for you. Vin Diesel. You figured out what was going to work. No kidding. That works. Mark Sinclair doesn't get to headline the Fast and Furious franchise. Vin Diesel for sure does. It's got Diesel in the name.

But yeah. Do you know where it came from? It takes a lot of balls to name yourself Vin Diesel. It really does. You're fucking signing a check and you better be able to cash it. If you did. Well, I always thought it was short.

So this is also what I was wondering when I was... Today I was just like, so did he give himself a nickname fully prepared to be like, yes, and my full name is vincent or vincenzo diesel or is he just vin like if he was he like inception like double like if no one believes you it's vin say it's vincenzo diesel and that sounds kind of real where does diesel diesel doesn't sound real it's not the vin that was the hard part to believe

the combination of the two is the hard part for me to believe sure yeah the combination of vin and diesel is hard for me to believe if someone said their name was vincenzo diesel it's so out there that i would be more apt to believe that than vin because naming it vin is like i keep because he's associated with car movies in my mind i think vin like the number on the car and diesel like an engine Vin Diesel I don't know if that's where it came from

but up until this very day I thought it was short for either Vincent or Vincenzo I don't know or Devin and he's one of those weird people that took the last part of their name and made that the nickname oh like Ving Rhames Topher? if I meet a Topfer in real life on site

yeah it's personal for you i just i find it distasteful absolutely i'll break your jaw i mean not tofer grace please don't take me that because you're probably bigger than me tofer any real tofers out there but if you're not i'm taking you Topher, any real Topher's out there. But if you're not, I'm taking you down. I think you could take down Topher Grace easy. First round, second at the most. He got a little shredded up for his most recent thing. I forget what it was, but he's fit, Topher Grace. Yeah, but now I got that weight, I can throw behind it.

I still like Chris in that Chris Topher. You know, I'm sure we've touched on this but to all you listeners out there chris sharp and tear is the sneakiest jock that you're ever going to meet you're not going to meet a snake your jock when you go to the beach sharpie would have like the the mitts and the gloves and playing like full-on good catch not that like i haven't caught a baseball in years but like good catch good frisbee good volleyball like pretty good at all football good golf thank you yeah man sneaky jock almost Not that like I haven't caught a baseball in years, but like good catch. Good frisbee. Good volleyball. Like pretty good at all.

Football. Good golf. Thank you. Yeah, man. Sneaky jock. Almost hit a hole in one the other day. Like a foot away. Really?

You hit a hole in one that a random guy saw, right? Yeah. No one else saw it except for this random dude. And he was like, I saw that. He came over and gave you dabs, right? Yes, he did. Thank God. I hit one and it was tight, but I almost hit another one and it was even better. It would have been the best.

I'm getting pretty good at golf. That's awesome. That's amazing. Two fucking hole-in-ones in one lifetime. One is amazing. One's enough, but I was real close. Sean's got none, like a fucking

loser. Now that I got a baby girl on the way, it's probably going to stay that way as I will devote all of my life and attention to her. So the only hole in one I'm getting is is if she gets a hole in one. I don't know if anyone's become a dad and golfed less. Yeah. I was going to say that those skateboarding days might be over, but those golf days have never looked better. Yeah, dude. Dude, I don't know what I have been doing to my body to make this tweaked ankle recover so hard.

But if you would have seen my ankle a week ago, I tweaked it very bad. I thought it was broken. But it's fine. I was like, I went on like a 20-mile bike ride yesterday or two days ago. I'll fill in the backstory here. Blood spinning. All right. Platelet cleansing technology. HGH. All right. Platelet. Platelet cleansing technology.

HGH. Dude. Steroids. You find yourself the right high school kid. They'll give you their blood. Yeah. It's, you know, it's fun. It's pretty easy to find them when you've been stalking them.

Yeah. Well, I'm saying, yeah. Neither here nor there, man. Vincenzo Di Zarelli. Vincenzo Di Zarelli,enzo disarelli dude mark sinclair yeah i always thought of like i assumed maybe his name was like mark vincent and then he went like yeah that's i was trying to find ones that like were completely different uh if i could you know and that one i was i i did not i looked on like three different sites because I was like there's no way because wiki can be wrong you know so

I had yeah man Mark Sinclair Vin Diesel beautiful I'm for my first and second picks as it is as it is serpentine draft and I've got some good one I mean I I mean Steve Wander was my number one I was I'm right there with you Sharpie that was my

that was my number one. I'm right there with you, Sharvey. That was my number one draft pick. Steve... Steve Lynn Judkins. It's so funny to say out loud to someone who doesn't know that. It's such a treat to tell them. Time for my first pick. With my first pick, I'm going to take... Do you guys know...

So, some of these names are the result of you know people in like hollywood to be in the screen actors guild you can only give them one name sure some of them are are not a result of this this one you're familiar with the actor director albert brooks the filmmaker albert brooks do you know what albert brooks's real name is that his birth name no no albert einstein oh shit yeah that's his actual name he was born and his brother bob einstein may he rest in peace who passed away within the last year they're brothers no way super dave osborne and albert brooks yeah i didn't know so bob einstein and albert einstein wow brooks's real name is fucking albert einstein and see the thing is albert einstein had already been a fixture before he was born so that is your parents being

like i i know that here i go name it here I go. Signing Albert Einstein on the birth certificate. Well, they're like, what, is my son going to be famous? Who cares? Albert Einstein. It's a great name. He's going to get picked on. I'll tell you that. It's a, I mean, it's a great, it is a great name to give your kid.

It is a great name. I mean, even had he remained Albert Einstein and done everything he's done in his, in his gilded career, he would still be short by a considerable margin of the other Albert Einstein. It's a Michael Jordan situation. It is. It really is. There's nothing Michael B. Jordan can do.

No. Okay. I mean, no, it's going to take a lot. It's going to take, no, there's nothing he can do to catch Michael Jordan,

but there's something he can do. He can act as little butt off as what he can do. Well, he can be handsome. I think he's, I no there's nothing he can do to catch michael jordan but there's something he can do he can act his little butt off is what he can do well he can be handsome i think he's i think he's fantastic if he gets himself all the way to being president oh yeah that'd be pretty intense michael be president dude but he'd have to he'd have to win president seven times yeah seven times dude seven seven and he'd never and he could never lose an election no that's the thing Seven times. Yeah. Seven times, dude. Seven. Seven. And he could never lose an election. No.

That's the thing. Well, and then he'd have to move to Canada, move back, and then get president three more times. Then he'd have to play for the Wizards. That's the same. And he got to be kind of shitty for the Wizards for a while. Oh, he was good on the Wizards, huh? Was he good on the Wizards? Yeah.

He was still Michael Jordan. He was Michael Jordan. for the wizards for a while oh he was good on the wizards huh was he good on the wizards yeah he's still michael jordan yeah he was michael jordan he has his own standard he couldn't live up to but that's not that's you know that's between him and him that's father jordan's fault nothing you can do about that uh yeah albert fucking brooks is albert einstein dude didn't know that and you'll find i don't know i don't know if you got your guys's lists are there's a lot of jews with stage names because for a while we were considered a little maybe a little too ethnic to be leading leading actors sure and more recently than you'll think because i have a pick coming up later unless one of you takes them that's like a surprising like uh stage name kind of well and i have and you're now so i'm you're jewish yeah yeah 100

percent from it's been everything yeah been a while huh no i i felt like in a minute the i felt And you're now, so I'm, you're Jewish, yeah? Yeah, 100%, from Mitzvah and everything, yeah. Been a while, huh? Been a while. No, I felt like. Been a minute. I felt bad looking at some of these. I was like, man, that's the only reason they changed it, I bet. It's because. Yeah.

That sucks. So, yeah. Oh, I know, because their name will, because their, like, real name will be, like, Moish, like, like, Hervevitz. I got one that I'm going to have to ask you if it's jewish or not unless someone else picks it because i didn't i didn't know i was like it might be but so we'll see i think you know i think in your heart albert einstein is my first pick that's uh that's the first one off and then the next one i'm going to take is... I have a feeling you're taking mine.

I don't know. We'll see. I'm taking a star of MASH and several movies, Alan Alda. Okay. Alan Alda. Does anyone know what Alan Alda's real name is? I should have done this backwards. No, I like this, though.

This is fun. I like the anticipation, though. Because he's not on my list. I didn't even see it. I should have told you his name and then gotten no guesses on who the real person is alfonso de bruso why did he change that i don't know all this name is alfonso oh alfonso alfonso de brusa alfonso de Bruja? Alfonso D'Abruzzo. Is that like extremely Italian? Extremely Italian. Seems very, very Italian.

Maybe he changed it from Alfonso Spaghetti like David and I were talking about last week. It might as well be Alfonso de Bruzo. How dare you change that name? Dude, I bet his dad kicked the shit out of him when he found out unless he waited for his dad alfonso yeah alfonso senior yeah that gives bruzios what is the thing i with certain people like what you know wait a minute his father was wait a minute wait his dad changed his name too oh my god from david alda to debruzio his dad was born alfonso giuseppe giovanni roberto debruzzo but changed it to robert alda

because he was an actor too oh how man and so alda is a portmanteau of alfonso and de bruso i feel like wow de bruso that's a famous last name you could be famous with that last name you didn't have to change the last name i could see changing your first name from alfonso to alan although i disagree with it i can see the logic kind of if you want to be famous but yeah but yeah de brusio that's a that'll get you somewhere i'm not sure what alan alda thought he was all thought he was going to be doing in his career that he couldn't have done as Alfonso De Bruzo. You know what I mean? Like, he was a mash.

That could have been Alfonso De Bruzo. I mean, I know, like, at some point, he's 85. So, you know, I guess people were more racist against italians maybe when he was born certainly when his dad was born but still like come on alan alda yeah man god that is alfonso i just love anybody named alfonso i had to get him on the list that's a good name that's a really good i didn't i didn't think we're getting an alfonso today i didn't i don't think i have any on my list where the where the real name is stronger than the fake name and that one is right that's that's a flip you understand in albert einstein albert brooks

situation you want to avoid confusion you change your name from alfonso i would change my name to alfonso diabruzzo if it wouldn't break ivan carmel's heart that's what i'm saying i'd be like nothing's happening man alda's not doing it. We gotta stir the pot a little bit. I think my career would fucking take off if my name was Alfonso Diabruzzo with my look. I agree. Swarthy.

Pursuit and swarthy. All the pizza boxes everywhere would just morph. And it'd be like, shit, that's Alfonso. You see that? Sean Fonzo, it's time for your second pick man sean fonzo keep that going everyone out there please keep it going sean fonzo it's my second pick this gentleman's birth name is maurice micklewhite oh yeah sharpie do you know who maurice micklewhite is is that one on my oh yep it's michael kane when i was when i read that i was

like maurice that is such a dope first name maurice dude that and he is dripping with maurice energy like you get you get michael kane a nice a nice a nice bottle of scotch and some good atmosphere he's maurice you're gonna be back to maurice real quick yeah you get maurice real quick get him michael cain comes in and makes sure everything's all hunky-dory and if it is more he'll he'll he'll he'll he'll nod over the door ma and Maurice will walk in. Yeah, dude. Now, when I look at a Michael Caine, I'll buy a Mickel White. Maurice, I did not see that coming when I saw that. Didn't either. It's like Michael in the streets and Maurice in those wet sheets.

You know what I'm talking about? Wet silk. Wet silk sheets. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's ste steamy did he pee or is it sweaty here he's real fluid in a different in a different different way he's a pretty fluid guy he's really old he pees the bed he needs to pee sure maurice here's your mashed potatoes and cabbage don't piss the bed again it's like that you know that uh long joker by steve miller band i feel like some people call me maurice is about michael cain god select few people get to

call him maurice yeah man i was i had a couple of these when i first started i was like these are the ones i'm gonna pick and then i i don't know just you just find a couple gems and you're like whoa yeah yeah maurice man maurice micklewhite that's another one he could have stayed with that that's a cool i don't think that career would have been a little less distinguished if he was maurice micklewhite like i don't know man he came up in like the what am i missing what's michael cain's big thing when he was young what did he do what was the thing that like popped him off he did like the first italian job he was in like i don't know he was in a bunch of stuff that wasn't like a big franchise okay but just a ton of stuff like everybody i didn't yeah i didn't really know who he was until austin powers which

is probably a weird thing for like a such an established career to be like oh yeah that guy from austin powers i think that's probably where i met him too yeah barice micklewhite from austin which is probably a weird thing for like a, such an established career to be like, Oh yeah. That guy from Austin powers. I think that's probably where I met him too. Yeah. Maurice Micklewhite from Austin powers fame. Sure. I know that guy. He's an old so-and-so.

He's a real son of a bitch. Maurice Micklewhite. I do think his career would have been different if he was Maurice Micklewhite. Yeah. I don't think, I don't think he's quite the, like the, the swing and 60s sex symbol if his name is last name is micklewhite or we just think of micklewhite completely different

yeah maurice micklelobe it really threw me man seeing his name was maurice yeah maybe he's not a swinging that's not a swinging sex symbol name but it does look like a micklewhite now that's for sure yeah he's turned into him he was born michael cain and turned into maurice mickle white now that's for sure yeah he's turned into him he was born michael kane and turned into maurice micklewhite yeah michael kane you know what i mean wears a suit drinks a martini maurice micklewhite i mean that's like mint like like room temperature milk i'm just gonna say milk hey do you guys have any hi maurice party of one for milk that's how he orders drinks hi can i get you something yes get me a milk for maurice party of one

i only drink milk at restaurants i don't trust it at the grocery store i'm training for an ironman competition. Can I have milk? He just walks in. Sarah, what can I get for you? I'm allergic to salt water. All right. Maurice, party of milk? I get a glass of warm milk and cold milk and lukewarm milk yeah sharpie time for your uh yeah second and third pick okay um do you guys know who this is fun this is a fun one

archibald leach no no old school old school hollywood archibald archibald leach is carrie grant oh really i thought carrie grant was smooth enough that's a pretty smooth name archibald that i don't know about leach if leach isn't a well leach is kind of clunky. I'll give you that. I don't think it's clunky. It really sticks to you. It's already something.

And what it is is that. It's a leech. Archibald Leach can still have a career in the movies, but it's not Cary Grant's career in the movies. He's like playing roles where he's like then what's this girl is bathing in a pond but i'm not supposed to see that it's like it's a different dude exactly archibald leach this guy it's a bad one archibald leach yeah This guy. It's a bad one. Archibald Leach. He definitely has a different career

than Cary Grant. Archibald Leach. Archibald Leach sounds like somebody who dies in a movie and you have to stay in their mansion overnight and you get it. Yeah. Somewhere that some

rich person who thinks they're into horror stuff would be like, I'm going to go stay at the Archibald Leach Manor tonight. For one night, I'm going to stay there in the corner of the laundry room where it all happened. Where Archibald murdered 30 people. Whoa, in the laundry room? Archibald's gnarly, dude. Big laundry room. Hell, he's rich.

With a name like Archibald. Gotnarly dude big laundry room how he's rich with a name like archibald shit dirty i'm trying to bring i think maybe it'd be pretty cool if we brought back archibald there's not many i got a daughter coming up yeah got a nameless daughter coming out so i think archibald just got thrown into the running yep archib archibald archibald archibald archibela archie's like a super cute name for a baby yes it is and the first few years you can't really tell anyway you know no man i'm gonna i'm gonna dress her like uh like a coal miner so like a lot of cut like coveralls and stuff so you're really never gonna be able to tell sweet tell she's a coal miner. So like a lot of coveralls and stuff. So you're really never going to be able to tell. Sweet. Tell she's a coal miner. I think you should kind of Michael Jackson,

like have a veil over her all the time. Absolutely. For as long as possible. And then transition right into matching outfits. All of you, all three of you. Yeah. Like we just dress like Run DMC most of the time. Or the Beastie Boys.

You just dress with whatever Laura's doing that day. You don't let her know. But you just surprise her every day. It'd be so funny to start doing that without saying anything. To see what she's wearing and go upstairs and sneakily put on the closest shit I have to it. And then just be like,

would it take like a week? How long would it take to be like you know every single day we've all had like the same hue of khaki on and i'm like yeah it's fucking crazy it's crazy that's happened naturally every day and i don't you're in a position to do this because you don't really have to go anywhere for work so you can see like what she wears it could even be when she comes home from work or whatever dude and you're just fucking i've been doing the headshot thing with her i used to do it to you sometimes where i'd put my headshot on like ian's pillow or something oh yeah i love that i've been doing the headshot thing with her and i had it in her laptop the other day for like two days and she did not open her laptop for two fucking days and then last night we're sitting on the

couch and she she pulled it up and i was i could feel my heart thump. And I was like, Oh, this is tight. She opened it. And it's just, it's, it's that giggle that you're shooting for that social bit giggle where it's not like a belly laugh, but it's just like a man that was funny laugh. And that,

were you trying to like steer her towards her computer at all? Or are you just like, man, I wonder what like flights are to a Tacoma right now. We got close. We, we were going to get gross. We were getting groceries. And I almost said my computer was out of juice and she was gonna have to use hers but

then i was like no don't force it it'll be more fun if you let it happen naturally and wait the other day i put we have all the ultrasounds on the fridge and i put my headshot at the end of the ultrasounds and i was like that's that's a natural timeline right there. Your headshot could be at either end of that ultrasound. Yeah, dude. I had it in the freezer the other day. I'm out here making moves. And it's such a shitty headshot. It's got my name on it.

Rude did it. It's amazing for the time, but it was like 15 years ago. It's got my name on it. My hair is all. It's just. I know that. The picture is good. The picture is good. Yeah. Yeah. name on it. My hair's old. It's just... I know that. The picture's good.

Yeah, the picture's great. The style, though. Black and white with the name at the bottom makes it very dated. Nobody else. A different Sean than the Sean we've come to know. Yeah, if you'd have told me that that was going to go out of style, I'd be like, yeah, alright. So is Hotmail, I guess, huh? You fucking loser. Same thing. There's a Hotmail in the picture.

Charpin, how's your third pick? Randall Mario Puffo. Puffo? I believe P-O-F-F-O. Puffo? Puffo?

I'm not sure, but that's Macho Man Randy Savage. What? Yeah. Randall Mario Puffo. Randall Mario Puffo? I believe so, yeah. I mean, I feel like we could get fact-checked with Mike Malloy on this.

He would probably know for sure. My name's Randall Mario Puffo. Mario. And I'm here to get a driver's license in the state of hawaii macho man randy puffo dude i don't it might be poofo how do you i don't know either way it's not poofo is it poofo poffo could be pofo it's it's not very macho that's all it's not very macho at all that's how you make a kid macho it's a boy named sue situation you're like your name is randy poffo deal with that yeah but dad now now your last name is savage yeah well not yours poffo

well earn savage well son if you want to be named savage you're gonna have to go out there and earn Your last name is Savage Yeah well not yours Poffo You gotta earn Savage Well son if you want to be named Savage You're gonna have to go out there and earn it brother Yeah I can't help but notice you got a D You ain't Savage yet You gotta finish your Cheerios Randall I like that he kept the little homage.

Wow, keep it Randy. Like, he didn't want to change that to, like, I don't know, I can't think of, like, a super tough. If you're gonna go by Macho Man, why not get rid of your first name completely? Get rid of Randy altogether. Yeah, why do you keep Randy? You don't need to be any part of that.

Like Macho Man Godzilla Savage or something. Exactly. Godzilla Savage is a sweet name. Macho Man Godzilla Savage? Holy shit. No, I don't want to fake Russell

Macho Man Godzilla Savage. Randy, randy sure absolutely i'd take randy like a fisherman macho man randy savage godzilla savage why can't i be god he's named hulk hogan i can't be godzilla savage exactly hulk hogan would be so bummed. He'd be like, well, I thought I... No, you're going to let him be Godzilla Savage, huh? I feel like he didn't think of that until he heard my name was Hulk Hogan. Because he was out in the hallway screaming Randy this, Randy that. And I come out with a Hulk Hogan tank top on

and all of a sudden he wants to be Macho Man Godzilla Savage? Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. be macho man godzilla savage fuck you dude fuck you it's bad that guy's named coco beware that's bad enough all right and that's that guy is named ricky the dragon steamboat come on man rick rick godzilla the dragon steamboat though ricky the dragon steamboat and macho man randy Savage are fairly similar names. And Hulk Hogan just came in, saving everybody time.

Yeah, man. Oh, that was funny. Damn, poor dude. Chris the Dragon Charpentier. Yeah, Randall Poffo, dude. R.I.P. Rest in Poffo. Sean,

don't remember your third pick. My third pick? This is another holy buckets, you made a good decision switching your name. This gal, birth name was Karen Johnson. Do we know who that is?

Every person I've ever met? Um... uh-huh do we know who that is every person i've ever met um um cindy lopper no she's gone it's whoopi goldberg whoa c-a-r-y-n karen johnson whoopie goldberg that's another one that i checked like three different sites because i was like there's no way that her name she has karen johnson but yeah right because you were like well surely her birth name was whoopie goldberg was what you were thinking well when you're born i feel like back this is now, but most parents used to say, whoopee. And then, you know, she was Jewish. So I just thought, whoopee Goldberg.

Why is she Jewish? Is, is, is, I say, is. No, I don't know. Is she Jewish? I highly doubt it. I just, isn't Goldberg a Jewish last name? Am I insane? It can be. It is. All right. Itberg a Jewish last name? Am I insane? It can be.

It is. All right. It is a Jewish name. Don't make every part of me sweat like that ever again. You do it like once a month and I'm like, shit. Am I like my butt's sweating like I just got done doing stand up and I was nervous or something. Whoopi Goldberg, man. Yeah, man.

Karen Johnson. That's such what a good choice on her that's such a whack name again though just compared compared to whoopie goldberg it's a whack name i should say if your name's karen johnson that's fine but yeah if you compare it to being whoopie goldberg like one of those is a clear front runner and it's gonna make you famous and that uh yeah i i'd bet dollars to donuts that david would have picked that had he been on so that's a little do you think whoopi well he's in bolivia so do you think whoopi goldberg ever ran a foul of yahoo serious and the two of them it was like whoopi yahoo yahoo whoopi like if they had to meet like i know you guys got beef let's hash it out in person but they'd

never met it was like internet beef and like whoopi yahoo yahoo whoopi and then whoopi looks at yahoo and goes yahoo and then yahoo looks at whoopie goes whoopie and then the two of them yahya abdul-matin yahya yahoo whoopie whoopie yahya yahya whoopie yahoo yahoo yahya if anything happens macho man godzilla savage is going to come down from on high and kill everyone so let's let's be amicable about this whoopi again that's another one if you're uh gonna change your name to whoopi goldberg you got some balls well yeah i should have looked up when she changed it i didn't look that up but that like that'd be interesting like did did she break in as karen johnson and then was like this ain't gonna work or was it like i'm four and i want to be whoopi goldberg you know i don't know somewhere in between i bet it's great can you imagine saying i want to be

whoopi no now like but even just like yeah i'm a stand-up comedian named whoopi goldberg or just like yeehaw sanchez or like whatever like yeah my name's i'm a i'm a jewish man and my name is i want you to call me yeehaw sanchez and now i have to have a lot of stand-up that's not about how my because i don't think she like she wasn't doing bits like anyway my name's whoopi goldberg isn't that funny yeah because i don't think she it wasn't uh i grew you know i grew up with the name whoopi and people made fun of me it was she named herself whoopie so that's dope that to not do any that would be that would really bum me out if somebody gave themselves a stage name and then just ripped on it that was like their shit oh yeah that'd be a bummer couldn't get behind that

one of my picks it had if i knew the guy's real name i would have picked this dude that i met in atlanta one time who his stage name was mr pump yo breaks and he would have he would have picked this dude that I met in Atlanta one time. His stage name was Mr. Pump Yo Breaks. And he would have been one of my picks for sure. He was awesome. He cracked me up. He was funny on stage. And then he got off stage. And I was like, damn, dude, your name is Mr. Pump Yo Breaks.

And he goes, yeah, it was my backyard wrestling name. And I just carried it over. And I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. God name, and I just carried it over. I'm like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. God, that's sick. He was great. I don't know his real name. So shout out, Mr. Pump Your Breaks.

That's powerful. Big shout out. Mr. Pump Your Breaks, dude. Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg, good pick. Thanks, bruv. All right. Time for. Thanks, bruv. All right. Time for my third and fourth picks. Do you guys know who Ilyana Lidia Valisneva Mironov is?

Oh, boy. I'll say it one more time. Ilyana Lidia Vasilyevna okay elena elena lydia vasilyevna miranov miranov that's why i'm thinking i'm mixing it up with like the i the marvel universe i think i feel like i mean this is somebody who looks extremely russian that's my guess. But I can't. Who is it? Mila Kunis? It's Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren. Oh, Mirren. Wow.

Helen Lydia. Wait, hold on. Yeah. That is dope. Say it again. Wait, hold on. Now I'm finding conflicting reports. Wait, I'm doing a... Can't have that. Wait a minute. No, I was finding conflicting reports. Wait, I'm doing a... Can't have that. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. No, I was right. Yeah. Ilyena Lidia Valisyevna Mironov. That was her birth name. Yeah. God, that's sick. Helen Mirren.

She doesn't look like mad Russian, right? She looks like Helen Mirren to me. She looks so much like a Helen. So much like a Helen. Yeah. Like Regal. Yeah. Not to say that other name doesn't sound Regal when you say it, but she looks like Helen Mirren to me.

Helen Mirren. Almost more so than she could have been in the people who look like their names draft as Helen Mirren. 100%. Yeah. She straight up looks like a helen mirren she attended primary school in a place called west cliff on sea whoa that's a helen mirren ass thing to do yeah on sea on sea west cliff on sea west cliff on sea West Cliff on Sea. West Cliff on Sea. Hmm. That was quiet. She was born in Queen Charlotte and Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. That's what I was just going to ask is where she's from originally.

It all sounds like a bit. That sounds like a joke. How come our shit doesn't sound like that? I was born in, what, Rapid City General. Sounds whack. Yeah, it's no fucking Hammersmith, London. That's for sure. I was born in Milwaukee Hospital

in Portland, Oregon. I don't even think they're anymore. There's Providence, Milwaukee. Was it a Providence? When I was born, there was so much energy produced that it knocked the hospital down. It was like Superman and they had to cover it all up.

That's why Beaverton exists. They had to build a city around you. I went and got an apartment. Wow. Just immediately? Yeah. Right after? Probably about like a mile and a half away from my parents' house.

And like I just started, you know. Ian was born with like a pretty favorable credit score. So, yeah, he got approved right away. 7 seven fourteen seven fourteen bro community never touched us lofty heights again but yeah it was a two-bedroom uh one bath by a parking spot um and uh a little i like there was you didn't have a car right away obviously no you got a spot though right no but i had a spot and if somebody parked in it, they heard about it from me. They heard about it right away. I had a motorcycle.

And then when he was a teenager, he moved into a one-bedroom, two-hot tub up on the northeast. One-bedroom, two-hot tub. Yeah, if you have to use the bathroom, you can go in the hot tub. One of those just sits there. I cook in it sometimes. It's hot. It's boiling all the time. So whatever you have to use the bathroom, you can go in the hot tub. One of those just sits there. I cook in it sometimes. It's hot. It's boiling all the time. So whatever you got to do.

Yeah, there's a reason there's two hot tubs. One's for number one and one's for number two. I poop in it. That's right. Helen Mirren, dude. Helen Mirren, dude. Hell yeah. Solid.

With my fourth pick okay oh shit we're four huh that's right do you guys know who john bonjovi is oh my god i'll say that again. Do you guys know who John Bon Jovi? I do. I do know who John Bon Jovi is. John? No.

John, do you know? It's John Bon Jovi. His last name is Bon Jovi? Or are you fucking with me? Bon Jovi. B-O-N-G-I-O-V-I. Like an Italian. Bon Jovi? Or are you fucking with me? Bon Jovi. B-O-N-G-I-O-V-I. Like an Italian. Bon Jovi.

He probably grew up with Alfonso Di Abruzzo. Bon Jovi Di Abruzzo. John Bon Jovi. Yeah, so he just changed it. His stage name is his name, but he made it bon jovi like there are two different words he did really bro it out like what if it's like bon jovi the word even as a child the last name of jovi because if you take out the bond and i've for years i've thought this i'm like his name is john jovi back before i knew there were like stage names or anything and I was like the last name Jovi sounds insane and plus my name

is Sean so be like Sean Jovi Ian Jovi it just it's nuts to me thinking about Jovi it's like if you change your name to Sean Jordan yeah yeah Sean John Sean Jordan with with John with John Jovi if I may I I think for a while I thought he added the Bond because John Jovi sounded so dumb. Like as a kid where I was like, John Jovi does sound pretty stupid. So I get why he threw the Bond in there. Good on him. John Bond, Lon, Tron, Jovi, bro. You didn't think his first name was John Bond?

That's where he put the space in. his first name was john bond that's where he put the space in i used to think it would be really funny to like open an autograph business and just sign things that are really close to the person's name but not quite there so like send someone a guitar signed by bon john jovi and see how long it took them wait a minute wait this isn't john bon jovi this was signed by bon john jovi what the fuck is this is bon john parents you idiot you didn't say bon john god terry stupid i still want to get married but boy you're stupid yeah so bon john bovie john bon jovi bon john bovie bon john john bon bovie bovie bomb bomb bon john bon bon jovi bon bon jov jov jov jov Bon Jovi Bon Jov Jovi

Bon Bo Boji Bin Bon Jovi Bin Bon Jovi John Bunji Boji That's my fourth pick And I throw to you, John Boji Boji Bunji Boji Boji Boji Nights

Bunji Jovi Bo Oh man Bogey, bogey, bogey nights. Bogey, bogey, bogey. Oh, man. All right. Here's one that is... Oh, where'd it go? All right. This is just... It was...

I'm torn. Natalie Imbruglia. Oh, man. This is... I'm having... All right. I'm'm gonna go with a pick i just need more time so i was gonna pick this last but i'm gonna pick it first i just thought of it all right so this person's first name is wayne hersham or their their birth name is wayne hersham wayne hersham wayne hersham and they uh they go by it's a popular rap name,

mentioned before on the podcast, Pain in Da Ass. It's the rapper. It's the rapper, Pain in Da Ass. Pain in Da Ass, sure. Pain in Da Ass. What's his real name, though? pain in the ass sure pain in pain in the ass wayne hersham you imagine how bummed your parents would be like well now god damn it wayne there's plenty of rappers that aren't named pain in the ass why do you have to change your name to pain in the ass what about what about little wayne no you couldn't have gotten there first Why do you have to change your name to Pain in Da Ass? What about Little Wayne?

No. You couldn't have gotten there first? Mom, Mrs. Herschel, Pain in Da Ass is what I signed with Def Jam with, and that's what I will be known as henceforth. And if I'm ever a Sith, it will be Darth Pain in Da Ass. His parents had to meet, and their parents had to meet. The amount of survival that had to meet and their parents had to meet the amount of survival that had to happen over generations and generations and generations

for us to get to him changing his name to pain in the ass is mind-blowing no no call me pain in the ass, please. Pain in the ass, party of two? Yeah, I'm on a date. What's wrong with Big W? Big W. I'll tell you, there's one big thing wrong with it. It's not pain in the ass.

That's the biggest thing wrong with it. I'm sorry, sir. I'm not finding a reservation under pain in the ass. Is it D-A? You're not spelling the. A lot of people spell the. Is the last name pain in the ass? It's da with a D. Okay. Pain and four different, two middle names. Just think of it like that. In da is my two middle names. Pain, it might be under pain ass.

Okay, so I should look under pain ass and ass is the last name yeah when i took my scts ats it was ass pain because okay last name first first name last i'm not seeing anything under ass pain or pain ass uh and you did check pain in the ass bully i did that was the first thing i checked pain in the ass can i see your id can you do me a favor can you check check wayne hersham wayne hersham such no my name's pain in the ass but if you if you need to check no there's a way right here oh there's a way oh there's a way in hersham yeah fine yeah i mean all right can we just show us the table please all right uh wayne hersham right this way and you must be mrs wayne hersham that's mrs ass to you take me to my table right right this way, Mrs. Ass.

Sharpie, time for your fourth and then your final picks. Okay. Leslie Lynch King Jr. Any guess? Leslie Lynch King Jr. Bing Reams. i got nothing fun guess it is president gerald ford what yeah a lot of people mix up gerald ford and bing rames to be fair what president gerald ford's name is leslie lynch king jr and i have no idea why it's i did not think we were going to get a president

on here. I didn't either. I thought, and call me crazy, I thought they had to use their names. I thought they had to use their godgivens. Well, we're not going to elect a Leslie, so we needed to change that right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have no idea. I didn't do any research. So hopefully I'm not lying uh but i don't know why he changed it or anything but uh i do know that he did and boy that's pretty fucking cool gerald ford is a great name gerald ford is a great name he's from michigan too right or he at least went to college in michigan yes maybe there's like a ford connection what was uh what was gerald's ford gerald ford's mark on uh as as his legacy as it were did he did he do you know anything of note didn't he come after jfk i was lyndon johnson or after lyndon johnson i think so gerald ford was like kind of

a really not a massively impactful president. I don't think. Just kind of kept the water still. I don't really, I can't think of what was so great about him. Domestically Ford presided over the worst economy in the four decades since the great depression. And he pardoned president Richard Nixon.

Oh, great. So he was pretty cool. That's right. He, heed President Richard Nixon. Oh, great. So he was pretty cool. Well, that's right. He came after Richard Nixon. Yeah, so he sucked. Cool. But his name was Leslie, right?

Does it say on there that his name was Leslie? Oh, he did. He signed the Helsinki Accords, which marked a move towards the end of the Cold War. So not all bad. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Born Leslie Lynch King Jr. Wow. Wild. accords which marked a move towards the end of the cold war so not all bad okay okay yeah born leslie lynch king jr wow wild i would want to keep king jr is my thing for sure even if it's got to be leslie i'd be like yeah leslie but king jr this is president godzilla king jr oh so it's kind of a it's kind of a sweet story oh okay so leslie lynch i mean it's it's got a very dark middle but it's it's sweet in the end his so leslie lynch king senior is his biological

father who was like a prick and like he hit his mother and like all this terrible stuff and then they split up and then uh his mother married a guy named gerald ford and he liked his new dad better so he changed his name to gerald ford well that is pretty fucking cool then i'm glad that i said yeah my stepfather was a magnificent person and my mother equally wonderful so i couldn't have written a better prescription for a superb family upbringing how about that well look at that well yeah well put less it's gerald you son of a bitch this is on you dude and that's his legacy just beat the tar out of sean jordan yeah he gets 40 years after the great depression on you that was a buck decade you're not getting pardoned uh gerald ford and your final pick

okay final pick i think i'm gonna have to go with reginald kenneth dwight i know this one i have it on my list and i can't i don't know where it went but reg dwight oh reg dwight it is sir elton john oh yeah yeah yeah reginald kent dwight good sir elton hercules john no less he changed his middle name to hercules yes he did yes he did i love that yes he did yes and he took elton john he did. Yes, he did. And he took Elton John from one of his first band he was in. He took John from John Lennon

and there was a guy named Elton in the band and he was like, I want to be named Elton. And he took his name and changed his name to Elton and then I think John from John Lennon. And the original Elton didn't have the goods. Not like Reg Delight did.

That'd be such a tough conversation. You're not good enough to be an Elton. I'm going to be the better Elton. I'm Elton now. I think I'll take your name. I think it's always going to go down, yeah? I'm Elton now.

I think I'll have your name. I'm out now. Now scream, you poof-loof. I don't know what they say. You poof-loof. You poof-loof. You poof-loof. Now scream, Godzilla.

Godzilla. Macho man, Godzilla. Excellent. Reg, Dwight dwight sean your final pick final pick uh god given is ella marisha lani yelich o'connor i don't know that turned into lord into Lorde, the popular Australian, or New Zealand, rather, singer, pop singer. Oh, just because... That's a good call, again. Good change. That's a mouthful. There was a lot to manage there.

Ella, Marija, Lonnie, Yellick, O'Connor. And? You took a couple... You went a different route. You took a couple where I'm like, I never thought Pain in the Ass or lord where they're given birth names i just the the the just the how crazy and different they were was the wild thing is that did i blow it were we doing ones that we didn't know were their birth no no no no that's the wrong way to eat a Reese's, baby. Okay. Except for to not eat it, and you ate it.

Yeah. There were a couple that, the two, that I, I didn't think Whoopi was her birth name, but it was just believable. But yeah, the pain in the ass, I, that's just astonishing to me. I'm glad you got it in there. Time for my final pick.

Do either of you know who Arnold Dorsey is? I love this. Arnold Dorsey, also a musician, also not from America. I'm just going to throw it out there. I have no idea. Eric Clapton. Mick Jagger. No, not.

But right part of the world. You said Mick Jagger? Yeah. Arnold Dorsey became known to the world as Engelbert Humperdinck. Why? What? That's so tight. Engelbert Humperdinck.

What? There's a famous Eddie I isard bit about it which i recommend you go look up if you haven't but he chose engelbert humperdink whoa it's one of those things where you're like that's a move and that good or bad that name will stick out you know you're not going to forget that name really i have to assume he would have been just fine named arnold dorsey but like engelbert humperdinck what the you have to when i hear engelbert humperdinck i'm like oh poor guy he made it even though his name is engelbert humperdinck it's like he made his life harder it's like his voice was too good right and he was like it would be too easy for me to have a career

as a singer named arnold dorsey instead let me see if I can do this shit named Engelbert Humperdinck. Dorsey is sexy sounding, too. Dorsey. Arnie Dorsey. Yeah, that works. Arnie? Yeah. Arnie Dorsey.

Arnie Dorsey. Yeah. That's a wild name. Engelbert Humperdinck. Engelbert. My name's Engelbert, bruv. How would you like to be Mrs. Engelbert Humperdinck? Humperdinck. Anglebert? My name's Anglebert, bruv. How would you like to be Mrs. Anglebert Humperdinck? Humperdinck.

Would you like some milk, love? Got plenty in the fridge as I'm an Engelbert of the Humperdincks. Is there a Mrs. Humperdinck? Mrs. Humperdinck. If you're thirsty, I'd be happy to pour a natty light into some sheep's milk for you this is what i drink that's my name is engelbert humperdink that's a buck sounding one engelbert humperdink man final pick that's a recap sharpie you went first you took stevelyn judkins archibald leach randall mario pofo leslie Leslie Lynch King Jr., and Reginald Dwight.

Sean, you went second. You took Mark Sinclair, Maurice McElwhite, Karen Johnson, Wayne Painting-the-Ass Herschel, and Ella Marisha Lonnie Yellich O'Connor. I went last, and I took Albert Einstein, Alfonso de Bruzo, Ileana Lidia Velasneva Mironev, John Bon Jovi, and Arnold Dorsey. We lost some good ones on the board.

We did lose some good ones on there. Here's what I was going to ask if it was Jewish. Gene Simmons' real name is Chaim Witz. Chaim Witz. Yeah, it's more, it's almost more. So is it, is it? Chaim isitz. Chaim Witz. Yeah, it's more, it's almost more. So is it, is it? It is, Chaim is a Jewish name, but it's almost more Israeli Jewish than Jewish Jewish.

He's like, well, it's Jewish for sure. But he's also Israeli. That was the one I was going to ask. It was like, Chaim Witz. I was like, that sounds Jewish, but I might also be being a jerk. So I figured I'd run it by the council. You know what Michael Keaton's real name is? No.

Michael Douglas. Oh God, weird.aton's real name is? No. Michael Douglas. Oh, God, weird. That's that weird shit. Like, that's that David LaChapelle stuff where you're like, although I don't know if David LaChapelle added it because of Dave Chappelle. Was he just like, I want to be David LaChapelle? Yeah. Anyway, Michael B. Jordan added the B. I thought you were asking that about Whoopi Goldberg earlier.

I thought you were asking if you didn't know if she was jewish or not edrick eldrick tiger woods we left that one on there eldrick is just the dumbest name there has ever been eldrick i'm eldrick eldrick do you guys know what michael j fox's real name is oh no not off top. Michael A. Fox. That's wild. Really? This one's always tripped me out. Martin Sheen's real name is Ramon Gerard Estevez.

And that's always been wild to me. Like, Martin Sheen is a Ramon Gerard. Ramon Antonio Gerard Estevez. That's pretty good. Yeah. Natalie Portman's real name is Nataliealie herschlag you wow oh here's a fun one do you know what portia de rossi's real name is you know i looked today and i forget what it is but i what amanda lee rogers it's so different than portia de rossi yeah yeah marissa Marissa do you have one on this

no I couldn't think of anyone so I would I'm just gonna draft myself I go by my real name and also by Marsmel damn right you do Billie Eilish oh yeah she's got a crazy name right Billie Eilish Pirate

Braid O'Connell Pirate is in her name her mom was like an improv comedian so it checks out you can't trust those people not as far as you can throw them interesting well we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down shout out to everyone on the all fantasy everything patreon thank you for holding us down shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to everyone on the afe shaslackity shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to frank ocean shout out to haji beats shout

out to sid the dude and more important than all of that tune in again to another brand new episode and next week in particular tune in again next week to another brand new episode. And next week in particular, tune in again next week, another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything. Milk. Sharpie. Milk. Milk.

Macho man. Godzilla. Savage. That was a HeadGum Podcast.