All Fantasy Everything - Cereal Mascots (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: November 16, 2023Always remember Rule 34.Episode Guest:Katie Nolan @KatieNolan (@NatieKolan)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and vid...eo pre-rolls. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything
from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode, we're drafting serial mascots.
Our guest today is our good friend, the reason we're all here for the month of November,
Katie Nolan.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and wonderful comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Hey, what are you doing for the next 90 minutes or so?
You got time to sit down, listen to an all-fansy everything.
If you don't have 90 in a row, that's okay.
You can break it up into a half hour increments.
You know, you could.
Yeah, good.
Tell you what I'm doing for the next 90 minutes.
I'm sitting here with my good buds.
That's right.
I'm going to talk about serial mascots and I'm going to be stoked about it.
Having a great time.
Katie, you were here for my experimentation and how to not start the podcast by yelling
welcome.
What do you have?
Have you liked any of them more than the others so far?
No, I've enjoyed them all.
They've all caught me off guard.
I'll tell you, because it took me a while to adjust to the screaming of the welcome.
It would always catch me off guard. Kind of just like how how many picks we get in the draft catches me off guard every time I do one of these. 16 picks each.
Or what we're drafting sometimes even. Yeah, sometimes I'm not really sure, but this one
came in real soft and I almost thought you were talking to me. It's like when you call somebody
and their voicemail tricks you into thinking they're there. That's how I felt. What are you
doing for the next 90? I was like, hanging out with you, buddy.
What do you mean?
Hey.
So I liked it.
It was good.
Was it weighing on your voice?
Was it weighing on the vocal cords?
No, I've just noticed that a lot of podcasts
start by yelling welcome.
And I'm like, well,
even if we had been doing that for seven years,
it doesn't mean we can't grow and evolve.
You did it first,
but you know to stay ahead of the game.
I get that. That's how we know you're the one who invented it because you're the first to leave it
to recognize it no longer was your own it's beat the scene is beat we got to start a new one
and that is hey hey what are you doing for the next 90 minutes or so hey how's your day how are
you doing maybe we started with predictions on today's episode of All Fantasy Everything. We draft serial mascots. One of us
makes a shocking admission.
And three of us learn how to
play beautiful flamenco guitar.
Trying to think of a shocking admission
that could happen.
I can't really think of something that you guys don't know.
Pretty open book.
I have tons!
Ha ha ha!
So many come to mind to me to you
I have all kinds of shit I've never told
anyone give us one
a small one that you can do you have like a controlled
give me a little guy
I had to pee in my alley last night
oh I had to define that
I went and peed outside the house the other night
you don't get to have the same shocking outside the house the other night. I did that.
You don't get to have
the same shocking admission.
Makes it less shocking.
Oh, I also did that.
So I'm good.
Yeah.
You had to walk down
20 flights of stairs, though.
You live on High Rise in Brooklyn.
Wait, you live in Jersey.
Where do you live?
Yeah, tell him.
What's your exact address?
What's your address?
555-69th Street.
Nice.
420-69th Street?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I live at
555-69th.
You know where to find me.
Somebody does.
I'm not hard to find. I'm at 555-69th Street.
420 Boulevard, bro.
I've always wanted to toughly say that to someone. Like, I ain't hard to find. I'm at 555 69th Street. 420 Boulevard, bro. I've always wanted to toughly
say that to someone. Like, I ain't hard to find.
But I never get the chance. You're not.
I'm not either. I'm not. That's the thing.
No, me either. We perform
live. But I wouldn't want to say that to somebody.
Because if I did say that, they'd be like, you aren't
hard to find. And they'd find me and then they'd do something about it.
I'm actively engaged
in a campaign to disseminate
where I'm going to be. Pleaseate where I'm going to be.
Please come find me.
Please come find me and sell it out so I don't have to do morning
radio to promote it. Oh my god.
I used to be hard to find though and I do miss it.
Get off the grid, bro.
Katie, I'm
trying with everything in my being.
Please don't. Please don't. We need you in the grid.
I hate it.
Sometimes it rules.
I was at Fire on the Mountain
the other day
picking up wings
and Duke comes out.
He's like,
he's like,
big fan of what you guys do, man.
I was like, wow.
Behind the counter?
Oh, yeah.
And then he was,
he was skates too.
It was like everything I like, man.
Wings.
Did you catch his name?
I haven't.
I forgot.
I want to say it was,
I want to say it was Jose.
Jono.
I want to say it was a J.
Hit me up.
Hit me up. Hit me up.
Wait, those are your two J go-to idea names?
I feel like it was one of those.
Is Jono a common name?
I only know the one.
No, yeah.
There's a Jono here that does stand up, but I digress.
Anyway, it was dope.
Sometimes being on the grid is dope.
Shout out to that guy.
Big time. Thank you. We're really in to what you do, it was dope. Sometimes being on the grid's dope. Shout out to that guy. Big time.
Thank you.
Yeah, man.
I'm sorry for forgetting your name.
We're really into what you do, bro.
Yeah.
Really into it.
Smoking those wings.
They're smoked?
No.
No.
Wow.
So you just said a thing he doesn't even do.
No.
It just sounds fun to say smoking the wings.
Don't know his name.
Don't know what he does for a living.
He knows both those things about you.
I appreciate you frying those wings and those pickles, bro.
How about that?
Ooh.
Love those pickles.
Yeah.
Bet you do, Panama.
I love, I also love peeing outside.
Sometimes I'll just, my wife's not even home, so I can't get in trouble.
I'll just go into the backyard and just like.
This is a conversation.
Was it with you guys?
This was a separate conversation I must've had that men just want a backyard so that
they can pee outside.
That's a lot of it. That's
crazy.
It's great. We may have talked about it on here, but
it fucking rules peeing
outside. It's one of the better things
we can do. I used
to live with a couple, Anthony and Heather,
and I remember when Anthony and I told Heather that
yes, from time to time, we'll pee in the sink
if we have to.
That's not the same as outside. No, it's not the same. And I remember when Anthony and I told Heather that, yes, from time to time, we'll pee in the sink if we have to. And she was.
That's not the same as outside.
No, no, it's not.
It's not the same.
It's not the same.
But it's happened.
And it's happened at this house.
And that's a gnarly one.
We're like, oh, yeah.
Six foot two problems.
Yeah.
I could not pee in my kitchen sink.
Then you got to do it in a glass and dump it in the sink. Yeah. I've never peed in my kitchen sink. Then you got to do it in a glass and dump it
in the sink. Yeah. I've never
peed in my kitchen sink. I've peed in
sinks, but I can't recall which ones. I think
at Katie's house. It's usually hotel
bathrooms for me. That's like
for some reason. Why?
I don't know, Katie. We all
know that we devolve to our lowest selves
in the hotel. I know. That's why when they
put the black light out and you see the hotel curtains and know. That's why when they put the black light out
and you see the hotel curtains and you're like, why?
Yeah, how to get there.
Just get in there and you're fucking weird.
You guys are gross.
It is like weird and you're far away from home.
You guys are disgusting.
And quite frankly, you're scared.
You're scared of what's going to happen.
There are all sorts of anxiety responses
that we can't really, that are divorced from logic.
You know what I mean?
Like a lot of them.
All of them I do within five minutes
of walking into a hotel room.
Fuck, fight, or flee.
That's only three of them.
Those are the only three you hear about
because they all start with F.
Those are the big three, yeah.
Yeah.
Wait till you hear what my G's are.
Yeah, there's also jizz on a blackout curtain.
Sorry, okay?
It didn't fit into the phonetic order of things.
Bleed.
That's one of them.
Bleed.
Scream.
I've just screamed in a hotel room for no reason before.
I've hit the walls a bunch.
Cry.
Pretty low on your guys' list, apparently.
Oh, no, that happens.
No, no, it's way up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't...
I happy cry a lot. It's mostly what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I happy cry a lot.
It's mostly what it is,
but you just joy.
You just go sometimes,
especially if I'm alone in a hotel room.
Had a couple.
Yeah.
It's so,
so beautiful.
Nothing triggers it.
You just happy.
no alcohol.
Yeah.
Oh,
oh,
oh,
oh,
oh,
oh,
That's different.
It's a windated 40 yard dash. Big trigger. Big trigger no, alcohol. Oh, oh, oh. That's what triggers it. It's a wind-dated 40-yard dash.
Big trigger. Known upper.
Known mood lifter, alcohol.
It is. I mean, for me,
most of the time it is. Sean, we've noticed you're still down in the dump,
so we're going to, in addition to the Lexapro,
we're going to assign you some
Jameson Blue Label.
Yes. Thank you, Doc. I've assigned it to myself.
I've already prescribed.
I filled the prescription yesterday.
So,
it's ready to go.
Does Jameson have upgrades
the way like Johnny Walker does?
Is there like
private casks?
What's it called?
They're all kind of trash, though.
It's the cask one
and there's like a $60 bottle.
They're not.
Isn't there like an orange one?
Maybe.
The label's orange. Oh, like, I think there's an actually orange. You left it at my house. There's an orange $60 bottle. They're not. Isn't there like an orange one? Maybe.
You left it at my house.
There's an orange flavored one, I think.
Like a hint of orange. I remember when Shane did his half hour, Ian bought a bottle
of Johnny Blue and we were playing past the shit.
And he grabs it. He goes, this isn't a
pass around bottle.
And indeed it wasn't.
No, it wasn't. I was right.
Of course you were. It was just funny
because I was like,
oh yeah, totally.
$599 for a Jameson gold reserve.
Go to hell.
That is crazy.
Come on.
$599.
That gold reserve in question
better be actual gold.
Right.
I don't know,
but they say there's gold
and goldschlager
and that ain't it.
So I don't know. I don't even
know if actual gold would help. I was going to say whatever the
most expensive bottle of Jameson is, you're
welcome for having given it to you at your album recording,
but never mind. I'm not getting you a five.
There's one that's more common. That's
like a 16 year. That's like 200 bucks.
You can do that one. We might be in business there.
That's nice, Jameson.
Well, it's tough. See, it's tough with
me, I think. I don't think I'm the person
they're shooting for
with that market
because
I just drink it
I remember Larson one time
Jay Larson
friend of the show
less better
not as bad hangovers
allegedly
keep going
no it does
you've never noticed that
like drinking good liquor
versus bad liquor
I don't think I've drank enough
in one night
to notice the effects
when are you going to start living oh good liquor I always switch yeah versus bad liquor? I don't think I've drank enough in one night to notice the effects.
When are you going to start living?
I always switch.
I haven't spent a night on Don Julio or whatever.
It's always been in one or two
and I'm like, Old Crow, it's fine.
Especially then you're like, I can't taste it. What do I care?
You should try.
It's amazing where you're like,
I don't feel terrible. Old Crow isn't a brand name. It's a warning. It's what it turns you're like, I don't feel terrible.
Old Crow isn't a brand name.
It's a warning.
It's what it turns you into.
Yeah, it's the guy who made it.
It is tough, man.
Zach's old roommate,
shout out to him.
He would have handles of Old Crow at the crib.
And after Toscani would go to bed,
is when the boys would hang out.
He'd just pull up the 175,
and it sounds crazy to think about now.
I wouldn't move for a couple days, I bet.
Listen, I've had a lot of Kentucky gentleman type friends.
I get it.
We talk about drinking the way old athletes talk about the games they used to have.
It's astonishing.
Sometimes I,
there was somebody put up a post the other day from Sioux Falls and it was like all these kids I went to high school with.
So they're all my age and like 10 of them just holding up Jager bombs.
I'm like,
man,
it's still going down like that back home.
It's still going down like that.
When you are at a bar.
No,
you'll notice.
I didn't not at Denver,
uh,
partly because they were out.
They couldn't facilitate the request a few times. Okay. See, so there we go, but it didn't have, regardless, I didn't, not at Denver Partly because they were out They couldn't facilitate the request a few times
Okay, see, so there we go
But it didn't, regardless, it didn't happen
I didn't search it out
Irregardless
Listen to our last episode, for God's sake
Didn't we just hear me facilitate the order?
That was fun, right?
I feel bad, Sean
You had started to tell a story and then I said the thing about hangovers
And I just wanted to make sure if that was the story you wanted to tell that you went back
and told it
did you already forget what it was
I think so yeah
because of all those aforementioned Jaeger bombs
yeah maybe you should
I'm sorry for interrupting you
hey Katie please
I'm sorry please don't be mad
I would rather have you interrupt me and be here
than not interrupt me and not be here.
That's kind of a nice thing to say.
Thank you.
I would rather have you interrupting him
every episode we do.
Yeah.
Be fine with me.
David, you must take a stand.
Which side of this issue do you stand on?
I have no dog in this fight.
I can take it or leave it.
Your silence.
Fine.
Here we are. My silence is deafening Here we are in the back half
of November, it has been a thrill ride
so far, and today promises to be no
different, as we are drafting
a topic suggested by
our wonderful all family
I'm going to start doing this
It is Graham
the hardest last name Graham Kieltski our wonderful all family. Yeah. I'm going to start doing this. It is a Graham.
The hardest last name.
Graham.
Kieltski.
K-A-L-E-T-S-K-Y.
Kieltski.
K-A-L-E-T-S-K-Y.
K-A-L-E-T-S-K-Y.
Kieltski.
Kieltski.
Oh yeah.
That's a Kieltski right there.
Now technically in the, in the thread,
and I believe in the,
in the thread, even it said food slash cereal mascots.
I think we all just kind of gravitated towards cereal.
We decided to just do cereal.
Hell of a time to bring that up, though.
No, it's in.
You didn't have a list.
It's in there.
It's the same.
Yeah, you're right.
In the text thread, though, I did bring it up.
I have a list now.
In the amount of time since I've realized what it was, I made a list.
That looks a little short, dude.
It is.
There aren't that many of these.
Hey, you got to do some digging.
You'll have time to add to that list
if this podcast goes the way the previous 300 or so.
Don't worry about me.
I can only think of one food mascot.
You think of any food mascots that aren't here?
I can only think of one.
The Jolly Green Giant.
Oh, damn.
Yeah, there's plenty, dude.
Oh, okay. But we're not doing them. Quaker Oats guy. Ricky, damn. Yeah, there's plenty, dude. Oh, okay.
But we're not doing that.
Quaker Oats guy.
Ricky Brisket?
You don't know about Ricky Brisket?
Dick Brisket?
Tony's Creole seasoning?
Yeah.
He hasn't gone by Dick since middle school,
and that wasn't even his choice.
Ricky Brisket.
Yeah, Rick Brisket.
I know about Ricky Brisket.
You're sending your kids to school.
You haven't packed a lunch yet?
I don't know.
I don't know. Kids are You sent your kids to school. You haven't packed a lunch yet? I don't know. I don't know.
Kids are eating brisket for lunch.
That's what they're trying to go.
That's a heavy study hall.
Mom, you forgot to pack us a lunch.
Oh, no.
And it's only three minutes until the bus is here.
What do I do?
Well, I have an idea.
Oh, Ricky, I didn't know you were still here.
I thought you left in the morning before the kids woke up.
No, it's kind of a Creole.
No, is it?
That sounded Creole.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no.
There are plenty of time to pack up my lunch full of Ricky brisket.
Just a big slab of brisket.
And this is just, just, just what?
Is brisket a
creole food? I don't
think so.
Is it gator brisket?
I always thought they were more of a remulade
at two things kind of situation.
I really got over my skis with this
Ricky brisket.
Remy Ricky brisket?
Hold on, hold on.
Let's take a back.
You know, it's a whiteboard session.
We don't have any, there's no bad ideas.
Yeah, no, this is all just having fun.
Ricky Brisket take two.
Ricky Brisket take two.
Okay.
Mom, you forgot to pack us a lunch
and the bus is coming in two minutes.
Oh no, I don't have time to make them a lunch.
What am I going to do?
Well, howdy ma'am. I'd be happy to help. Yay, it. I don't have time to make them a lunch. What am I going to do? Well, howdy, ma'am.
I'd be happy to help. Yay!
It's Ricky Briskin!
Why don't y'all just slice off a piece
of my arm and throw it in that kid's
bag?
Gross! It's not gross.
You're gross, little piece of
shit.
See, now we're getting closer.
We're knocking on the door.
They're not going to let us in yet.
I like
the tagline, Ricky Brisket.
I'm not gross. You're gross.
I'd buy it.
I would.
I'd be like, shit, alright. He makes a good point.
If y'all got a better idea, you can go ahead and
eat that for lunch, you little dumb shit.
It's better than a sack of ham.
You better be close off his arm.
I don't see you doing that to Antonio Chicken Thigh.
Why don't you go suck off a cucumber then if you're too good for old Ricky Brisket, piece of shit.
Did you just kiss the lid of your Starbucks, Katie?
Have you ever seen when they have that little annoying drip that's about to come out?
Yeah.
If you take a sip, the drip falls on your pants.
I had to suck that out first.
I'm glad you saw this.
I thought you just gave it a little kiss.
I didn't want it to get on my pants because that'll ruin your whole jean outfit, you know?
Goddamn right.
You get a coffee drop on your thigh.
My jeans are dark for a reason.
Nice.
I love that.
My jeans are dark for a reason.
That's sick.
In a movie trailer.
You're drinking coffee, don't you?
Does it get you wired drinking it this late?
It's 4.50.
That's not late.
For coffee?
It depends on how late you're up you know
if i'm a lightweight with if i drink coffee that late it does nothing to me it's more just like i
for the mental of like i had a coffee so i feel better same i think i'm a lot stupid a lot with
that to me somebody could sub out decap and i wouldn't know me off well here's the thing it's
impossible for me to fall asleep anyway.
So I think I just maybe don't notice.
Right.
I already am struggling in that area.
So it doesn't have an effect.
I'm the same way.
I'm the same way.
I'm the same way.
I mean, I can fall asleep at night, actually.
I'm kind of the opposite.
Wow. So that's pretty wild.
I felt like I had an ally and then immediately I fell.
I felt like I had an ally and then immediately I felt
we are
sort of allied in that I'll drink coffee
any hour of the night
I'll drink a coffee at 9pm but it's because
I can just usually fall asleep pretty good
yeah I have friends like that where they can have a coffee
to tuck them in seems crazy
still on your side
yeah like an after dinner coffee
my cut off I would say is like
6 or 7 I'm not having a coffee. My cutoff, I would say, is like six or seven.
I'm not having a coffee past that.
Dude, the general has Coca-Colas at like 11 p.m.
Like on his way to go brush his teeth.
Because he was ready for the fucking red Russian to be dropping a fucking bomb.
He had to be ready, dude.
It sounds nuts to me.
The Soviet threat loomed over a giant portion of his life.
And you're going to deny him an 11 p.m. Coca-Cola?
I deny him nothing, my friend.
I just simply notice what's happening.
They had the bomb, Sean.
I don't get in the way.
No, no, no.
I'm on the couch watching Perry Mason with the rest of the family.
I know my place.
New or old?
Old.
Old, old.
They have them all memorized.
It's like me watching Friday Night Lights.
They love them.
I'll tell you what I love.
Serial mascots.
We're going to draft them.
Thanks again to Graham Kaletsky.
Yep.
Nice.
On the Patreon.
We love you, Graham.
Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Let's play between the three of you.
And we throw on shoot.
Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Whoa.
Three scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Whoa.
David wins.
He throws a rock against two papers.
David is the winner of rock, paper, scissors.
It's incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.
But before you do that, I will remind you,
it is a serpentine draft.
How does that go?
You're trying new stuff.
I'm trying new stuff.
We all try new stuff.
We're just getting shot up in the gym.
We're a team.
We know we're going to make it to the playoffs.
So it's all about figuring it out on the way there.
I'll try something new.
Look it up.
That's what it is.
No, that's not.
It's like using a leaf blower. I was using
a leaf blower earlier.
Oh, I got a leaf blower, baby.
I'm a Ryobi man.
I have a whole Ryobi section
in the shed. Someone called
them homeowner's tools, but I'm not one of those guys.
Now,
I don't know if that was good or bad, what you just said.
Oh, because it's like the idea that they're not like industrial.
They're like for homeowners.
Like they're not for like...
I don't think it's a bad thing that I own a home.
So I'm going to leave it there.
That's cool.
I'd prefer it if they weren't bright green.
That's my only gripe.
But they're cost effective and they get the job done.
I have a weed battery.
And they have that interchangeable batteries, right?
They do.
And I got the weed battery.
You're saying this bright green stuff
when I know for a fact you gave
all of your Ryobi equipment a custom
digital urban camo job?
Oh, yeah. Snow camo, fire camo.
You really did? You did?
All the Ryobi stuff for fall, I have autumn camo.
All the Ryobi tools for the
summer, they got summer camo. Digital camo.
Fire camo. Winter,
like my Ryobi shovel that doesn't exist, but I made up anyways.
I painted it green and then painted over it with winter camo.
This is all fictional.
Okay.
I was like, what's happening?
I don't understand at all.
When you use a leaf blower, you have to...
So if you want to clear the whole yard, you don't just mad dog it.
You have to have a method.
So you start on the left and you blow all the way to the right.
And then you kind of stay on the right for a while.
And then you move up like three feet.
I'm not certain this is how people leaf blow.
It's how you should.
I don't know anything about it.
A serpentine leaf blow?
Yeah, you go on the bottom of the yard.
That's going to cost you action.
And you go up a little bit.
You go back to the left.
You push them all towards one side of the yard.
And then you just kind of casually go back and forth and up a little bit at the end of each the left, you push them all towards one side of the yard, and then you just kind of, you casually go back and
forth and up a little bit at the end of each. Yeah, that's
exactly what it's like. You would know
that because you live in LA.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh persimmon blower out there? Huh? No. How much do you got?
You a kid?
No.
It's insane that you lived in LA for as long as you did
and you think there aren't
leaf blowers here
when that's the main noise
that people hear
from 7 a.m.
until 5 p.m.
The main noise that I heard
was horn and engines.
That was the main noise
that I heard.
Okay, well, we live in Glendale.
Horns and engines.
Basically, Katie, David
what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round
you pick first in the second round and there are five
picks, now with that in mind
what will the order of today's draft be
David
Katie, Sean, Ian
I'm always second
David, Katie, Sean
Ian is the order of the draft
and we will get to David's first pick right after this very emotional break.
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And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything Already in Progress. We're here with the director of the FBI.
And we're back. Just for the listeners, I'm doing an intricate, almost like a Lydia Tarr-esque hand motion.
A hand thing. A hand ballet.
Dr. Strange does that too, I think.
You cannot start without me.
Welcome back to Welcome back to
All Fantasy Everything
already in progress.
We're seated here with
Director of Culinary
Advancement
in the field of
hydrodynamics
Sean Jordan.
Yeah.
I'm glad you said it
and I didn't have to.
I'm trying to give us
more of an NPR feel.
Maybe we can get some
government money for AFV.
What's hydrodynamics?
I don't know.
I just started saying words.
I thought it was water.
Water movement.
Water stuff. We are drafting serial mascots.
David Borey has the first pick.
David, what is that first pick?
I got to go all-American talent.
I mean, I think this guy, we all know he can play middle.
He can play outside linebacker.
He can come up on the line if you need to.
Just got all the tools. A long career ahead of him. Plays like a
leader. Real smart guy, like a
Teddy Brushi type. I'm going with Tony the Tiger.
He is perfect. He's built
known for traffic and white flakes, but that has nothing to do with my Bolivia.
I never even thought of him as a drug dealer.
I only ever thought of him as a drug dealer.
That's how the best drug dealers work.
You never would have known.
That's man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A really personal guy who dresses cool and also weirdly has a lot of like
money.
Yeah.
That's always been a drug dealer.
Does he have money?
Yeah.
Race car. He's like a drug dealer. Does he have money? Yeah, he's got a race car.
He's like a playboy, right?
Does he wear a tie? He seems like he's doing alright to me.
That's a Saint Laurent bandana around his neck. Yeah, that's the thing.
I was trying to picture him. Let me look at him.
I always assumed Tony the Tiger
was getting super laid.
Really? Oh, yeah.
And why is it now by tigers
or like a Jessica Rabbit situation?
Like, what is the...
Probably, I think,
the species rules are off.
I thought...
Like, you thought like hot women.
I thought like human,
like Vivica Fox.
Yeah, absolutely.
Like, he would be spotted.
He'd be on Dumas Sunday Spotted.
He's leaving Tower Bar
with like Florence Pugh.
Yeah, I thought
whatever the proverbial your chick, that's who Tony
the Tiger is. Yeah, look at him. He's got that
high T. You can tell. There's a
Tony Braxton album about Tony the Tiger.
Yeah, Unbreak My Heart is about
Tony the Tiger. I mean, he's kind of
chesty. Oh my God, I'm looking at somebody
drew like a... Well, of course
they did. Of course they did.
In researching
for this draft, I
learned that Tony the Tiger is like,
there's a lot of fan art
of Tony the Tiger. Yeah, that's, this is
unsettling. I gotta show you
this picture. Yeah, I'm
going to the chat as well.
Just gonna drop. My message is too
long. Okay. Yeah.
I'm being silenced. Common problem for Tony
the Tiger.
Oh, I just realized it's fur affinity.
I shouldn't probably have gone to this.
Yeah, of course it is.
I shouldn't have clicked on this.
But you guys have to click on it too now.
That's the one that I...
Mine says the same thing.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
We found the same picture.
He looks amazing.
Oh, this is rough.
But he doesn't have a...
His dick's not out in either of these.
I think it's...
I think if you look closely
enough, it might be.
Is it? Doesn't it look like there's a weird
shadowing? Oh, you thought that was his tail.
Oh, no, I see.
Oh my god, dude.
Whoa! Anyway, yeah,
so he's smashing. He's a big wheel
in the furry community, yeah. People want to
fuck Tony the Tiger for sure, and they're not wrong.
One, two, three, four. He's got an eight pack. Yeah. And those deangelo community. Yeah. People want to fuck Tony the Tiger for sure. And they're not wrong. One, two, three, four.
He's got eight,
an eight pack.
Yeah.
And those deangeloids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's got them.
Deep voice.
Feels like he'll get physical
if he has to.
Oh my God.
I'm seeing things.
I wish there's,
this one's like him
as a bodybuilder
with that little unitard on.
Tony the Tiger.
Your voice does not sound,
shock was the look on your face.
It's not the sound in your voice, I will say.
I'm not going to put it in the chat.
If you want to get crazy, type in
nude and then... No, absolutely not.
No, absolutely not. Oh, this one's got like a black
bar like it's... It looks like his
arm... Like he's jerking off, but it's censored.
Yeah. Holy shit, I got to close this.
This is crazy. I can't believe
that... Tony the Tiger does not have to jack off
okay
you can find him
whenever he needs it
he's never jacked off
before
no
they didn't give him
one of those cat penises
in those
in the pictures I just saw
I don't know what a cat penis is
and I don't want to spend
any more time on it
well google cat penis
no don't
they're terrifying
Tony the Tiger
is like that guy
who can
who like finally locks down
your crazy aunt
who never got married.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Oh,
but then she found Tony.
Then she met Tony
and now Tony's coming
to Thanksgiving.
But you see Tony
at like the grocery store
with your friends
and they're like,
who the fuck is that?
And you're like,
that's my aunt's boyfriend,
Tony.
That guy rules.
Yeah,
he's awesome.
He's great.
You just,
you're like,
how'd you do that?
And then you find out
he was in San Quentin for like 25 years. Oh yeah. He's like the dad Yeah, he's awesome. He's great. You're like, how'd you do that? And then you find out he was in San Quentin for like
25 years. Oh, yeah.
He's like the dad. But he's fine.
He made it out.
Well, because he didn't talk.
He's handling himself okay. Yeah. He didn't do
anything, but he was there when a crime was committed
and he didn't dime anyone out.
You're like, how did Denise
and Tony the Tiger end up together?
And then he tells you the story one night.
So Tony the Tiger used to look like almost like a Henry Rousseau.
I can't look at images of him anymore.
I've ruined my search.
It's now just getting slutty, Tony.
I'm not even going down the cereal aisle again.
I have stuff to do.
Like, I can't.
I know you're looking at old versions.
I just can't.
I wonder what your Instagram recommended is going to do. I can't. I know you're looking at old versions. I just can't. I wonder what your Instagram recommended
is going to look like. Not great.
It's already a problem.
Oh, dude, I've been getting sports fights.
That's what's the new thing. It's
all kinds of sports fights.
People in the stands.
Anyway. At some point, they
made Tony the Tiger jacked and buff
because he used to just be like a storybook
looking cat.
People want cereal to be good for you,
right? So they want you to think that it's
good for you. It's not just raw sugar and terrible
for you. Yeah, you can't have a big chubby guy
be like, come eat this, kids.
Yeah. Because they'll point to him and go, that's not...
You used to be able to. I didn't know
that cereal was terrible for you until
my mid-30s. Is it? I still
didn't know that. So if we can just table this part of the conversation and carry it on. I mean, isn't it? Like, Frosted Plates is terrible for you until my mid-30s. Is it? I still didn't know that, so if we can just table this part of the
conversation and carry it on. I mean, isn't it?
Frosted Flakes is terrible for you. It's just
so much sugar, right? I grew up on Grape Nuts.
Yes! Don't even get me started.
My dad would not let us get
any of the good cereal. It was
crazy. Cracklin' Oat Bran was the
wildest we got. Actually, we went through a
Frosted Flakes phase.
You're right. I think it's because Tony
was like, good for this tiger.
A lot of kicks. I'm going to take it back to
Tony the Tiger really quick. In the
1970s, he was given an Italian-American
nationality.
In the 70s? Antonio the Tiger?
Tony the Tiger. He's Italian.
Wait, he is Italian?
I always assumed, but I never
wanted to.
Consumers were briefly introduced to more of Tony's family,
including Mama Tony, Mrs. Tony, and her daughter, Antoinette.
That's close.
No way.
Yeah.
Wait.
Now I got to Google Antoinette the tiger.
Tony was a popular figure.
The wife's name was Mrs. Tony?
Mrs. Tony.
He was a popular figure among the young Italian-American population
and it showed in 1974
when he was deemed
Tiger of the Year
in an advertising theme.
Is that an Italian award
they gave out?
Yeah, by Italian monthly.
He's been on the cover
of Italian...
He only got it once?
Only the other tigers!
This is on Wikipedia,
so this might not be true,
but it says he was on the cover
of Italian GQ.
People say Wikipedia is not true. I feel like it's true. It not be true, but it says he was on the cover of Italian GQ. People say
Wikipedia is not true. I feel like it's true.
It's usually sourced. I know. Don't
destabilize my worldview like that.
I can't find
the cover. Italian GQ.
Yeah, this sound feels like an elaborate
prank. Yeah, it really does.
Somebody somewhere is going to clip us doing this
and be like, finally, somebody
reported it as real.
Yeah, yeah.
We're going to be part of a YouTube documentary.
Yeah.
Put me in there.
I don't care.
Do your own research.
I wish.
What is real is Thurl Ravenscroft was the voice of Tony the Tiger until 2005.
I didn't know that.
Mr. Grinch?
Yeah.
I guess the guy who sings Mr. Grinch.
You guys are so good at knowing people's names because I was like, who now?
Oh, Thurl, dude.
You never forget that name.
Thurl?
Thurl.
Like thoroughly?
Yes.
Thurl.
Raven or Ravens?
Ravencroft.
Ravens.
Ravens Croft.
Ravens Croft.
Multiple Ravens.
They don't name people shit like that anymore.
And he looks like Thurl Ravens Croft, too, if you look at him.
You just named someone.
You could have named her whatever you wanted to.
I don't think I could have named her Thurl.
That would have been a tough sell. I don't know. Thurl Jordan? Just saying. I haven't named someone. You could have named her whatever you wanted to. I don't think I could have named her Thurl. That would have been a tough sell.
I don't know.
Thurl Jordan?
Just saying.
I haven't named anybody.
It doesn't not go good.
Yeah, it's all right, I guess.
Thurl Jordan.
Yeah.
We're having another one.
Tony the Tiger going first makes a lot of sense.
I'm glad that happened.
Yeah, that's first-round talent.
Katie, who's going to go second?
Oh, my God.
That's right.
Well, who's going to go second?
I'll tell you who it is.
So many to choose from on
your list so many and um i'm gonna have to go i'm so me here i'm gonna go with uh yes you
i'm gonna take fred flintstone okay pretty good just because i mean that's look absolutely if
we're going if we're continuing the football analogy that I loved that you had there, David,
this is a guy who has a diverse portfolio outside of his, I guess that's not really talking football anymore.
He brings a lot to the table.
He was already famous as a cartoon character.
This is like he's endorsing this cereal.
So he's got a lot of trust.
Like Pee Wee Kirkland, yeah.
Yeah.
So I feel like to not take him would be wild.
It's a steal to get him in this draft, honestly.
I'm honored to have him on the team.
I think he's just a lovable...
I haven't gone back and reexamined the Flintstones,
I guess, with adult eyes,
but I think he was like a lovable guy.
It's crazy progressive.
They were in a polycule all the way back in the 60s.
I've always thought
he was like a Ralph Cramden type.
Is that not right?
I thought he was like a one of these days, Wilma,
right to the moon. He was indeed.
To the moon being a good thing
or a bad thing? No, you remember what,
you don't remember that honeymoon and show?
He believes in women in STEM.
Sick. Yeah.
Hold on one second.
What baby?
What baby?
Oh, no.
You can leave it out. Have you been peeing in the yard again?
Where did you hear that?
Who said that?
What?
Who are you talking to?
No, Sean peed in our yard.
He said it loud.
Oh, you missed.
We were doing a bit.
No, no, no.
We were doing a bit.
You misheard.
We do say, Sean, you have to stop sending these.
No.
We do a lot of improv scenes now on AFN.
You're ready for 20 of those, my friend.
Are you sending more naked pictures?
No, look up sexy Fred Flintstone. I just put one in the chat.
Oh, no.
Oh, oh.
He looks like a Street Fighter character.
Yeah, that's all right.
Yeah, he does.
He looks like E. Honda.
Here's the thing.
Fred Flintstone, there's two ways to look at it oh yes he's a celebrity who chose to
promote the pebbles but he's also like got other stuff going on this isn't his main focus i don't
know why you always take the thing i've got and you go here's why you suck at this i'm just saying
you don't suck at it's just not his main focus i'm just saying like is there are some people
who devote their lives to this totally Totally. And would you say those people
are right? Because do you think cereal
is worthy of your life?
You think throwing your whole life behind cereal?
I think anything is if you throw your whole self into it.
Kind of a Jeremy Pevin doing stand-up situation.
I don't think there's levels of devotion.
What do you think they peeled him off for this?
Bread? The guy?
Yeah. Because he never moved.
You'll notice he never got a bigger house or anything.
So he just put all that money away.
Humble.
Good man.
Family man.
Saved it from Pebbles.
And he named the cereal after his kid.
Reinvested it back into the business.
Yeah.
Right?
They wanted to call it Fruity Chunks.
And he was like, I'm only signing on if you name it Pebbles.
After his daughter.
After my daughter.
And Barney was like, what about Bam Bams?
The chocolate one tried to make them Bam Bams.
And then they were like, it's just not selling.
Coco Bam Bams
sounds like a toddler describing diarrhea.
Or Sean.
Or Sean describing diarrhea.
I got a Coco Bam Bam.
Laura, I got the Coco Bam Bams.
Can you pick Max up from daycare?
Of course, Coco Pebbles doesn't sound any less
like diarrhea, but we're so we're a New
York tour.
But the bam bam's, it makes it hurt more.
There is.
And I almost don't want to say this.
Sean, take your headphones out really quick.
I shan't.
I'm an adult.
I'm the oldest one here.
There is.
By far.
By far.
By at least a decade.
We're crying out loud.
There is Mrs. Butterworth's
Fruity Pebbles flavored syrup.
Oh, who are you talking to?
Yeah.
I see it all the time.
I haven't got it.
I see it all the time.
The best use of Fruity Pebbles is
if you go to one of the like
Pinkberry type places
and you get their like
yogurt flavored frozen yogurt
and you do like
fruit and like maybe a little mochi and then you do fruity pebbles and it gives you the little
crunch and the flavor oh it's tasty also just in a bowl with milk they're too thin you got to eat
them too fast for me all game because i introduced the criticism of your fred flintstone pick you can
know how sincere i am when I say
that's fucking exactly right.
That's the best thing to do with Fruity Pebbles. It's so tasty.
So delicious. Such a nice
treat. And thank you to
Fred, my pick, for that.
Just more
concerned with the cartoons. But Sean!
Sean Jordan, time for your first pick.
Lucky the Leprechaun.
I gotta go with my...
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got to go with the Irish.
Stars and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons.
The only Irish on the board.
And the red balloons.
Is he...
So, what's...
It's a good...
It's an iconic pick.
Here it comes.
He's swatting it down.
Here it comes.
No, it's not a swatting.
There's a question.
Is he getting punked?
Is he like the one of the other serial guys where it's like he's always trying to get the cereal, but he can't?
Or have I imagined that?
No, no.
They're always trying to get his cereal.
They're always trying to get his.
Yeah, they're always trying to get his Lucky Charms.
Yeah, that's right.
They're always after me, Lucky Charms.
That's right.
That's right.
He never really gives them to the kids. He's, I mean, he's, he's right. They're always after me, Lucky Charms. That's right. That's right. He never really gives them to the kids.
He's, I mean, he's out there for himself.
He doesn't want to give these kids the cereal.
Would you?
You want to give up your treasure?
No, fuck them.
That's mine.
I've now dropped something in the chat.
The hook there is that we get it.
We can just buy it in the store.
How lucky are we that we don't have to chase down this mischievous man
who does not want to give me his treasure. Somehow the treasure is it in the store. How lucky are we that we don't have to chase down this mischievous man who
does not want to give me his treasure.
Somehow the treasure is here in the box.
So we have to buy it.
What?
$2,
$2 is worth it.
Those kids spent their lives chasing that guy.
And he almost gave up his life defending it.
We don't have to rob a leprechaun to get this cereal.
Mom,
buy two boxes.
Ireland is a stand your ground country.
So it's surprising that those kids ever got shot.
You're goddamn right we are.
Also,
a great cereal. I used to love
Lucky Joe's. Oh, yeah.
So good when I would go to my friends' houses who were allowed to have that.
When we were down bad,
when we were down bad, Marshmallow Maties.
Sure. Oh, yeah, in the bag.
Those are the ones in the bag. Because you could eat
all the cereal part like it was good for you and then you saved all the marshm in the bag because you could eat all the cereal part like
it was good for you and then you saved all the marshmallows and then you could have three four
just spoonfuls of just marshmallow i would even argue that sometimes i would get in like i liked
them before they got sorry to say the phrase i'm so i liked them before they would get wet
i like to eat them when they were freeze-dried and crunchy and sometimes when they got wet they
get too slimy and then you're like no no don't rehydrate. Let me crunch on it.
Let me contradict what I said last week
because I love cereal. And cereal, I don't think
you get a wetter food than cereal.
I think you like wet food.
I think you just don't like what you don't like.
I wish we hadn't brought that back up because
I am so confused by this take of you not
liking wet food. I cannot figure
out the parameters and it's stressful to me.
I don't like the word wet. And it's stressful to me. I don't like the word wet.
Uh-uh.
What about wet?
Like a whetstone?
Yeah.
No, I don't.
Did you guys look at
the sexy leprechaun
that I put in there?
Sexy.
Sexy leprechaun.
Very different.
Do not type that in.
Do not type that in.
Not going to like
what you find.
That's not a very sexy
leprechaun, the one you dropped in the chat. The only option
they gave me that was... It would be a stretch.
They go nuts with the girl sexy
leprechauns, but I...
Oh, no, that's not for me. No.
Oh, yeah, I didn't. Oh, well, here's a sexy
dude. Anyway. If you want to see this,
Google sexy leprechaun. I always thought they were supposed to be...
I thought you were looking up the sexy specific
mascot, not just any leprechaun. No, I did. It just doesn specific mascot. I'm trying. Not just any leprechaun.
No, I did.
It just doesn't exist.
So just tell the truth
because it's hard to find
erotic content
about Lucky the Leprechaun
and I actually think
that reflects positively
on us as a society.
I'm proud of us for that.
We needed one W.
Nobody fill that hole, please.
Or should we fill that hole and fucking retire?
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
I like that last part.
Yeah.
Should we become a sexy cartoon or serial mascot depository?
We can write.
We can write erotic fiction.
We can commission art.
You know what I mean?
We could maybe even fund a movie.
I'm terrible at writing erotic fiction
every time I did that show
I would actually love to read it
I was so bad at it
I had Yoshi one time and
all I did I was like
Yoshi be bang that's all I did was like puns
on Yoshi like Yoshi be bang
I was undefeated
yeah no I lost once
I lost one but I was pretty good.
I got a 1-1, and I think I had Frasier.
And all I did was, the whole thing was about sweaters being laying around.
Like, let me move all these sweaters, and we can watch a sweater document.
It was all about sweaters.
I had a Family Matters one, and it got messed up.
What are you guys talking about?
Erotic fan fiction, the show that Brian Cook used to run it.
Competitive erotic fan fiction.
So there would be two groups.
There'd be like eight comedians.
Four would get their stories in advance
and they would get a week to write them.
And the other four would get their suggestion
at the very top of the show.
And they would have to go off for like half an hour
to write an erotic story.
What did you have to do wrong to me?
That's like on the show, The Challenge,
that would be like what the losers have to do versus the winner so who how did you pick who those two brackets you wouldn't
compete against the uh people who had like uh time to write yeah all right and you just kind of pick
i always picked that so bad at anyways i just picked the improv one and i would honestly because
i'm so bad at reading out loud i would just freestyle it most of the time i was gonna yeah
that's almost easier if you're doing the second one. You just think of it in the moment.
Yeah.
I mean, but it has to be like a few minutes, you know?
Yeah.
This was a live show, right?
Not like a show on a-
It was live.
Yeah.
And then it was a podcast too, right?
Yeah.
I feel so out of the loop.
Anyway, lucky the leprechaun.
Lucky the leprechaun.
Not sexy.
Not a sexy pic, but a solid pic.
Not sexy and definitely not insensitive to the Irish.rechaun. Not sexy. Not a sexy pick, but a solid pick.
Not sexy and definitely not insensitive to the Irish.
Not at all.
They love it.
I am taking, I have back-to-back picks here,
as in the Serpentine draft. I am taking, I can't believe we had to go this far
into the draft without supporting the troops.
I am taking Captain Horatio Magellan
Crunch. Horatio Magellan?
Yeah.
Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.
Horatio Magellan.
This dude is a war hero,
maybe. He is a
traveler of the seven seas.
He is a snappy dresser.
And his
serial rules, even if it does cut up the roof of your
mouth a little bit oh well
a lot
Adam had to have surgery on his mouth because it
cut it up so much not because of Captain
Crunch yeah that's what the dentist said
yeah the dentist said the main cause is probably
the Captain Crunch
it was probably the Captain Crunch
he'll weigh in
what kind of frontier dentist was this
that Adam was going to?
This was in Sioux Falls, right?
Yes.
And I will bring on the next episode.
I will probably call him and ask him today.
Look at this picture of sexy Captain Crunch I just found.
You gotta stop.
No.
Dude.
I'll stop in 16 more rounds.
You're going to be one of these weird guys now.
Oh, no. Stay crunchy on his underpants
this sucks
this rules
that mustache rules
oh my god
his underwear band says
stay crunchy
he looks so hot
you don't have to stop
but we do have to
Isaac we have to post all these to the Patreon
I'll figure out
Where Isaac may help me
I mean
I'll figure it out
I don't know if they really do want to see it
I think the imagination is enough
They don't want to have to google it
Nobody wants to say they looked
Incognito mode
I'm doing it all on main baby They've gone this long without jacking off to Captain Crunch to have to Google it. Nobody wants to say they looked, but incognito mode. Incognito mode.
Nah, I'm doing it all on main, baby.
Oh my God.
They've gone this long
without jacking off
to Captain Crunch.
They've suffered enough.
The user who made this,
her username is Bikaki.
Nice.
I can't believe
there's no reference
to the Captain's berries
in that photo.
Oh, oops.
Oops, nothing but berries.
Oops, he's all buried.
Oops, he's all buried in your ass
What about that?
What about that is a thing to say on a podcast
You had a brand new baby boy and we just
have to tell you it's oops all berries
He doesn't have a penis, he has 19 testicles
It's all berries down there
He's not going to be able to do anything with it
We want you to know though
That all berries is not a mistake
It's just beautiful actually
God got the paintbrush out
We say ooh all berries
We used to say oops but we realized that was insensitive
Now it's yes
All berries
When God made the cap'n, she decided
to give him all berries. Nice. Oh, an ally.
Now, to swat down
your pick, if I may.
You're coming up the cap'n?
Get him. A little.
I best not miss.
So, he's
kind of stolen valor.
How? Because if you
note, as the Wall Street Journal
and Washington Times
both did in 2013,
the three stripes
on his uniform
indicate the rank of commander
rather than the four
that typically denote
the rank of a captain.
In whose army?
He's calling himself a captain.
In whose army, Katie?
The Wall Street Journal also reported that the U.S.
Navy had no record of crunch.
No record of crunch
at all, and that the Naval Criminal
Investigative Service, NCIS,
was investigating him
for impersonating a naval
officer. He's not an American naval
officer. They don't dress like that.
He's from another country.
That guy for sure serves in the Queens Navy.
Yeah, he's on the HMS Crunch and stuff.
Yeah.
Why would he only ship his product over here? They don't
have him over there. You don't think they have
Captain Crunch in England? I don't think they did
originally. I don't think he started there.
He had to start out of market and then
gain fame and then come back.
They have Lieutenant Crunch.
Work for Den Sink.
I had a name, but I'm not gonna.
Don't bother me until I've had my bowl of Lieutenant Crunch.
It'd be Lieutenant Crisp over there.
Yeah.
Don't even talk to me until I've had at least three barrels of Lieutenant
Crisp.
So anyway, I'm just saying your guy's kind of like a
I think what I read there was war criminal.
Well. Just saying.
Put the milk in and then go away
for a while. I like it soggy.
Put the milk in and leave, I said.
That's how you got the first one.
Whether you're eating it
crunchy or soggy,
Lieutenant Crisp has anything you could ever desire
in a breakfast scenario.
As I find it way better soggy.
What was Captain Crunch?
Is it rice?
I thought it was corn puff.
Corn and oat cereal. Tasty? Rice? I thought it was corn puff. I thought it was sugar, dude.
Corn and oat cereal.
I just think all this stuff is like formed like shaped sugar.
Hard shaped sugar. Actually, it's called golden nuggets in the UK.
The taste has been described as similar to the UK and Ireland cereal golden nuggets.
Soggy left tenant golden nuggets.
Left tenant crisp is a bowl of dehydrated baked beans.
And boudin
noir.
Bro.
They love beans over there for breakfast.
Bean-ass breakfast eaters.
It's crazy.
Beanie Colada, motherfuckers.
Yeah, Beanie Colada got a lot of traction.
We're so far ahead.
It's like they're all surprises to me when people
are on Instagram, like on Instagram
when the episode comes out.
I forgot all about
being a colada.
So,
shout out.
If you like being a colada.
Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch
is my first pick.
Undisputed great pick.
Kate even loved it.
Time for my second pick.
For my second pick.
Okay.
Well,
yes,
I have to go get this dude
right now
because I could not live with myself
if I didn't have him on my team.
Because a lot of these mascots,
they're hyperactive,
they're like geeked out,
they're tweaking,
and I need me a cereal mascot
who's laid back,
coming in like molasses
pouring out of a jar,
just smooth.
I'm taking Sugar Bear.
Damn, I thought I was going to be able to get him. No way. like molasses pouring out of a jar, just smooth. I'm taking sugar bear. Yeah.
Damn.
I thought I was going to be able to get them.
No way.
I thought I was going to be able to get them.
This dude is laid back.
I looked up sugar bear.
And there's some dudes.
Anxiously awaiting sexy sugar bear.
Yeah.
I had sexy already loaded up.
It's already going to be tough.
Maybe put it in quotes and write the name of the cereal next to it.
Which,
which cereal was sugar bear?
Sugar bear. It was, uh, uh, the name of the cereal next to it. Which cereal was Sugar Bear? Sugar Bear?
It was... Not Smacks.
Golden Crisp. Sugar Crisp.
Sugar Crisp. I thought it was called
Golden Crisp. It might have been Golden Crisp.
It's called Golden Crisp. It probably is. They probably changed it to
Golden Crisp. Definitely is now. Yeah.
Hey there, everybody.
My name's Sugar Bear. He's sexy.
Golden Crisp, yeah. The bear. The weird
looking bear. No offense.
You didn't think he was cool?
No.
Nuh-uh.
What?
Oh, he's so cool.
Are you looking at the sexy version of him?
Okay, shot.
Everybody see the sexy version.
Look at his eyes.
He looks like he just got done.
Assless chaps?
No, well, he's always just wearing jeans under those.
Those jeans weren't on 10 seconds before that photo.
Aren't all chaps assless?
Yeah.
It came with text.
Oh, and there's a bunch of, not to name pics,
but this girl's got a lot.
It's a series.
At Brekkie Fest, the festival of breakfast,
you encounter a series of rooms that lead from one to the next.
Each room is themed around a breakfast
and contains the breakfast daddy or daddies.
Ooh, daddies.
That will teach you about their breakfast treats.
At the fourth doorway, you are greeted.
Sorry, guys.
No.
At the fourth doorway, you are greeted by Sugar Bear.
He has everything you need, but you still can't get enough of that golden crisp.
And I just wanted to give credit to the woman who wrote this,
or man.
It's a woman's picture,
but who's to say?
But I realize it's probably not a word
that is appropriate to say.
Her username is Bikaki.
I said that.
Oh, you did?
I wasn't listening.
Yeah, I could tell.
Sugar Bear has a sweater
that has his own name on it that's fucking i'm already fucking slick
he has a cool song can't get enough of that sugar or it's golden for that golden crisp
whichever way you want it thank you it's just he's just slick he's laid back it is a quality
that is rare in cereal mascots to be fair fair, I never liked the cereal. No.
It's not about the cereal for me.
What is the difference between it and Smacks?
Oh, the cereal's great, dude. Smacks
is rice. I think everything's
rice. I don't think there's a huge difference
between this and Honey Smacks.
Honey Smacks, the other one you're talking about?
Yeah, I thought they were just called Smacks.
Well, we won't name them. No, we're just saying
Smacks. We have to talk about cereal when it looks like the same cereal. I think they were just called snacks. Just openly saying stuff. Well, we won't name them. No, we're just saying snacks. I'm just saying the cereal, baby.
We have to talk about cereal when it looks like the same cereal.
Yeah.
I think they are similar cereals.
Yeah, I always thought so, too.
I think they're like...
I love that cereal, then.
Yeah, like, you know, whatever, McDonald's and Burger King.
That was one, the texture I never, I never liked.
Well, a big part of this is, like, the bowl.
I mean, I know we're drafting the mascots, but, like, when you break it down to cereal,
like, what is the milk like after the cereal?
Yeah, that's true.
This is one of the best because it's like honey as milk, which is dope.
Yeah.
Milk and honey.
Famously good pairing.
Most milk is pretty dank after.
People died for it.
Just wandered around the desert looking for it for years.
Mm-hmm.
Just like that lucky leprechaun.
Sugar Bear was in a musical group?
Sorry.
I'm reading all about Sugar Bear.
Oh, he could rap?
No, he was in a, like a doo-wop crooner group.
That makes sense, too.
Called the Sugar Bear.
What?
Yep.
Yep.
And you guys think he's cool still?
Yes.
Yeah, I've always thought he's even cooler
he's so cool
they still make it right
don't talk yourself out of enjoying Sugar Bear
just because I criticized your pick
don't do that to yourself
alright yeah he rules
he's pretty cool
that guy smokes weed
for sure
yeah he's single
as far as you're concerned.
I feel like a lot of these,
a lot of these mascots are single.
You can't really hold down
a relationship
when you're on the road
like that.
No, no, no.
They're like,
they're much like stand-up comics
if you get to know them.
Yeah, these guys are.
Any better,
they start crying a lot.
The one I picked.
Oh yeah,
Sugar Bear is right picked. Oh, yeah. Sugar Bear is right there.
Sean, time for your second pick.
I'm going bang for my buck on this one.
And I get three for the price of one.
Oh, yeah.
Timeless classic cereal.
Not that much to speak of, if I'm being honest.
But the mascot's fantastic.
I'm going Snap, Crackle, Pop.
They won't shut up about it. I'm afraid you have. I'm going Snap, Crackle, Pop. They won't shut up about it.
I'm afraid you have to pick one of Snap, Crackle, or Pop.
I'm afraid I can't find a sexy picture, as they are young boys.
So I'm just posting a nice picture.
I thought they were old elves.
They look like teenagers in this picture that I found.
They're striking, but I will not say it's a sexy picture.
And which one are you taking?
Crackle.
No, you can have all three.
Thanks, bud.
Nah, we're just playing.
Nah.
This picture sucks too, Sean.
But now they know
you would have taken Crackle.
Wait, I'm not clicking on it.
I'm not clicking on it.
Oh, it's fine.
They got the close-up.
It's fine.
It says promote sexual health?
What is this?
Because you don't want your genitals to snap, crackle, or pop.
This is ruining.
Oh, David went dark.
No, no, no.
Sorry.
I pressed the wrong thing.
I meant to get to the chat.
So Rice Krispies, I haven't actually tried them without sugar.
I don't know if ever.
They stink.
It's not great.
I do get Rice Krispies treats, I think.
Yeah, those are great.
Those are bomb. Yeah. I don't think you get the cereal.
Yeah. I'm taking the treats.
But yeah, Snap, Crackle, Pop.
Just three. They were...
Them and Tony the Tiger were the first two that popped into my head
as far as popularity. It snapped and
crackled into your head as well.
Yeah.
Damn.
Ice water. You guys are very sweet.
I liked it. That was great. No, are very sweet. Ice water.
I liked it.
That was great.
No, it's cool.
No, sick.
They're gnomes.
That's a good pick.
Gnomes.
Yeah.
Really?
How old are they?
This is from 1930s.
Look at that picture, David.
Tell me how old you think they are.
Aren't gnomes like all old?
Aren't they like sea turtles or whatever?
Well, those gnomes in that picture I put on look like they're ripe 19.
Snap is the oldest and a gnome problem solver.
Crackle is an unsure middle child and known as a jokester.
And Pop is mischievous, yet also clumsy youngster and the center of attention.
They're related.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe I didn't know they were brothers. I thought they were just homies.
They do all look different.
I think different dads. Okay. Dads are still brothers, Katie. were brothers. I thought they were just homies. They do all look different. I think different dads.
Okay.
Dads are still brothers, Katie.
Same mom.
I know.
I was just explaining to Sean
why they look different but are related.
Yeah, Snap, Crackle, Pop, man.
They feel like...
Oh, you just watched Myrtle
do the grossest thing she does.
I'm so sorry.
What'd she do? She itches her ear and
puts her toe in her ear and then she
licks her toe.
Ready? Here it comes.
She's going to do it.
Here we go.
Come on. Take a bite. There she goes.
Let me get some of that.
Damn, dude.
Exposed. Cancelled.
This is like a Great Depression-esque cereal.
Like when did Rice Crew, it's like one of the first cereals maybe, no?
Yeah, I feel like it's really old.
Had to have been.
Where the alternative was eating dirt. If they came out with that later, that's crazy.
That was a bold move of like, you know what?
What if we took all the good out and just left the blank paper?
Publish that.
See what they say.
See what they say. See what they say.
Now it's like selling someone an ingredient for something that actually tastes good.
Hey, what are these breadcrumbs? Can't
really eat them, but you can use them to make something
you like. 1927.
Yeah.
Oh, that was old. It tastes like it.
Holy buckets. July
10th, 1996 years
ago. Whoa. Man, 1996 years ago.
Whoa.
Man, what a bummer.
I bet you the box just was nothing.
Just white with black writing.
You probably cost seven cents.
Because the production was different.
Because the boys were away.
You had to go get it refilled.
Exactly. At the Sears Roebuck stop.
Katie, time for your
second pick. Is it? Yeah.
Okay, I'm going to take
I'm going to
take
man, I'm having a thought of like, should I reach
for that guy because I don't want to miss out on him, but
it's coming back to me pretty quickly. Big numbers
up there. Yeah, I'm going to go with Digum.
Now you motherfucker!
I'm taking Digum. I was literally going to be my next pick. Because I to go with Digum. Now, you motherfucker!
I'm taking Digum.
That was literally going to be my next pick.
Because I do. I dig him.
He's great. He's a frog. I love it to see an ex-drug addict turn their life
around and start
something positive. It's nice.
It's a nice story.
Hey, it's me, baby.
I got a dollar.
You want some smacks?acks man he does sound like that
a spokes frog
you love it
yeah Diggle was great
yeah he was the coolest
certainly the handsomest
I just like a frog in a hat
with a
blazer, I think.
His shirt also said
his name on it. Yeah, it also said
Diggum. Him and Sugar
Bear, that's a fun night
out. Sugar Bear and Diggum?
It could get dark, really.
Yeah, for sure. Somebody
brings up the idea of going to get an eight ball.
Well, we don't have to go anywhere.
He's like, yeah, I quit for long enough.
Life's for living, baby.
Yeah, I'm weekday sober.
Ooh, come on.
I hit the chat.
Oh, no.
Let's go.
It's the same person.
Wait, what?
It's about the only one I can find.
I'm sorry. Why is this one fat? I mean, it's cool same person wait what it's about the only one I can find I'm sorry why is this one fat
I mean it's cool
this is a weird picture
because he's
because he's overloaded
I don't like this
I feel like you're getting
deeper and darker
into some weirder
sexual shit
it's like a
it's like a
Jabba the Hutt type thing
you're gonna lose custody bro
you gotta stop
you gotta
relax
this is balancing
out the algorithm
for the inflation fans this is a thing you're one more fan art of a serial mascot Yeah, you got it. Relax. This is balancing out the algorithm.
For the inflation fans, this is a thing.
You're one more fan art of a cereal mascot from ending up on some sort of list, for sure.
I'm trying to figure out how to get on that list.
This is all I'm doing.
Oh, I don't like this.
I haven't had sugar smacks in a long...
Wait.
They're so good.
These are honey smacks.
Honey smacks.
I just thought they were... I grew up, I'm pretty sure theyacks. Honey smacks. I just thought they were...
I grew up, I'm pretty sure they were just called smacks.
I thought they were just smacks too.
Yeah.
These are what you just call smacks.
Smacks.
I thought.
Yeah.
Still dang.
So these in golden...
What do we say?
Golden crisp, right?
Yeah.
Like the same thing.
Sugar.
Honey max used to be called sugar smacks.
Interesting.
None of this is making any sense. I just remember it as smacks honey max used to be called sugar smacks interesting none of this is making any sense
I just remembered
it as smacks
you all know
who I meant when I said dig'em
and that's the one
I'm thinking of
that speaks volumes
to a mascot by the way
as I knew exactly
what the name was
for that mascot
I know
that t-shirt really does help
yeah
t-shirt
since
I could have sworn
he had it on his hat
at one point,
but I might just be making it up.
Yeah, he had a hat.
But I'm saying that it said
dig him on the hip.
On a hip hop tip.
Yeah.
Well, and the images I'm seeing,
he had it like straight up
to like...
Yeah, like a cool,
like a skater guy.
Right?
Like how skaters used to do it,
but yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Come on.
I didn't mean to speak on your culture but yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Come on. I didn't mean to speak
on your culture.
Believable.
So,
so this cereal
has had like a bunch
of different mascots,
it's saying.
Honey Smacks?
Digum's the only one
I recognize.
Cliffy the Clown
and Smacksie the Seal
in the 1950s.
Of course,
Smacksie the Seal
didn't work.
Quick Drama Draw
did not win the popular vote. And then the Smacking Brothers. The seal didn't work. Quick Draw McGraw did not win the popular vote.
And then the Smacking Brothers.
No, I've never even heard of them.
The Smacking Brothers?
In the 60s.
And then Dig Em the Frog
appeared in the 70s.
And then they tried
Wally the Bear in the 80s
and they were like, nah.
And they brought back
Dig Em the Frog in the 90s.
Fuck around, find out.
Yeah.
Smaxy the seal. I don't like out. Yeah. Smacksie the seal.
I don't like that at all.
No, I can see why Smacksie the seal
didn't take off.
That had to be the
raciest thing you could say.
Diggum is off the board.
David, time for your second and third picks.
Second pick, I'm going to
take, I mean, to borrow
from your culture, Ian, I i'm gonna take a real mensch
just a guy a stand-up guy we all loved him loved the cereal by the way top tier cereal you can
convince your mom to get it even if she didn't like sugary cereals i'm taking buzz b the mascot
for yeah honey nut cheerios yeah. Probably the best cereal.
I mean, it's amazing.
It's and he was always just good.
He was always really reasonable.
Just, hey, man, I got this good cereal for you.
He knew he didn't have to sell it that hard.
Kind of friends, right?
Kind of the Tom Hanks of cereal mascots.
This 100 percent.
Yeah, 100 percent.
No, he was. Yeah. Top tier. Real simpleots, this guy. 100%. Yeah. 100%. No, he was, yeah, top tier, real simple guy.
I loved it.
Yeah.
I just, I love a real personable.
Like you said, Ian, a lot of these guys are going,
they're going OD, they're going crazy.
So I like just a real relaxed approach to it.
Yeah.
Played with a lot of heart.
Yeah.
Excuse me?
What was that? Just dig it.
Why are we bringing up
old shit? What are we talking about my picks?
You said, why are all of Katie's picks?
And then you trailed off.
I don't know. That doesn't sound like something I'd say.
I don't like this.
I'm the nice guy on the podcast.
He's selling you a syrup that's not good for you
like it's good for you.
So wait, are you telling me that's not good for you like it's good for you. And that's the wild part.
So wait, are you telling me
that's not good for me?
Because I thought
that that was good for my heart.
It's just a touch of honey and nut.
Yeah, it's not a lot.
I can make that's what
they're telling you,
but I don't think it's the case.
It can help lower cholesterol.
That's right.
I bet not.
I bet it doesn't.
They always show old people
eating it.
Just because you feel that way,
you also feel like fish is poopy.
I'm not listening to you anymore.
Fish is disgusting.
And I'm not listening to your feelings at all.
That's a fact, my friend.
I'm telling you,
if in the commercial,
old people are eating a bowl of it,
it's got to be good for you
because otherwise that's wildly irresponsible.
It wasn't just for kids.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Right.
Wait until you hear this.
So from 2015 to 2016,
Busby was voiced by Jason,
Jason,
Christopher Marsden,
who is best known for his voice role as the official voice of the Disney
character,
Max goof.
What?
I didn't
think I could like him even better.
That's crazy. What a bit
of trivia. Yep. I love it.
I love it. I'm so glad I got him. I mean, that's David's shit right there
too. I'm so glad I got him.
Also,
one of the taglines for Honey Nut Cheerios
is, hey, it must be the honey!
That's right. I remember that.
Specifically remember that. From 2013
to present. Yeah. I remember, I remember
nobody can say
no to a Honey Nut, oh
of a Honey Nut Cheerios.
Remember? Oh yeah, that's a good one.
Yeah. I mean, they
are so good. Also, from the hive that's
nuts about honey. I don't remember that one.
That's not as good. Also, from the hive that's nuts about honey. I don't remember that one. That's not as good.
No, that's boo.
Excellent pick.
I've been having so much fun on this draft
that I forgot to give us a break.
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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's
non-negotiable.
You know, some stuff like you can't...
I got buddies, they can't skip leg day.
Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter.
You try to pepper in work in there, it's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff.
I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard,
but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy,
a gentleman's half hour these days, because these gams ain't what they used to be.
But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. And when you feel like
you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that
situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it.
If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone,
you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself.
You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it,
and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything.
And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help a try. Give it a shot. It helps for
learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely
important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible.
They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for zero additional charge. They got
you back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to
get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash all fantasy.
And we're back.
Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything.
Already in progress.
Not only can you listen to us
on All Fantasy Everything,
we are also hitting the road.
Here's where else you can find us.
My name is Ian Carmel,
at Ian Carmel on Twitter,
Instagram, TikTok, YouTube.
Follow me in all those places.
And come see me do stand-up comedy
in Vancouver, B.C.
at the House of Comedy,
November 30th through December 3rd
with Sean Jordan
in Austin, Texas
at the Vulcan Gas Company
December 8th and 9th
in New York City.
New York City
at the City Winery
January 4th.
Philadelphia at the City Winery
January 5th.
Boston, Massachusetts
at the City Winery
January 6th. Fort Worth, Texas January 19ery, January 5th. Boston, Massachusetts at the City Winery, January 6th.
Fort Worth, Texas, January 19th through the 20th.
In Phoenix, Arizona with these fellas doing a live AFE and stand-up February 1st through the 3rd.
In Portland, Oregon at Revolution Hall on March 23rd.
Tickets available now for all of those.
And you can pre-order my book, T-Shirt Swim Club.
A book about growing up fat, being a fat adult,
fat in media,
that I wrote. And then my little sister,
who is a clinical psychologist,
responded to every chapter.
Real good. Real fun.
A blast to read. Pre-orders help
so much. I hope you pre-order
it. And I'll come up with a
better pitch between
now and then.
David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes77
on Instagram and where
can we see you in person?
Not much going on. November
12th, I'm headlining the Denver Comedy
Works and then Thanksgiving
weekend, I'm going to be featuring for the
one and only Shane Torres
at Comedy on State and then I'm not having be featuring for the one and only Shane Torres at Comedy on State.
And then I'm not having
much live stuff in December. I'll
come back with the January date soon.
Beautiful. Sean Jordan. Sean S. Jordan
on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel
Jordan on Instagram. No live
dates. So let's get back
to the podcast. Damn.
I'll be with you in Vancouver
November 30th
through December 30th.
Everybody knows that.
Also going to feature
for Shane Torres
New Year's weekend.
Portland, Oregon.
These are bad ideas, guys.
Alien.
I'm stoked, man.
These are bad ideas.
January 18th
through the 21st
Snow Jam Comedy Festival
Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
Come on out.
It's the last one they're doing.
So come on out
and hang out.
Oh, also Sean Jordan comedian on YouTube.
There it is. You should call it No Mo Jam.
I'll bring it up.
Yeah.
No Mo Snow Jam. No, no, I can't bring that up.
No Mo Jam. There it is.
No Mo.
Here's what you're going to want to do for those Shane Torres shows.
Venmo David and Sean separately
and then they'll put you on the list.
So that way,
Sean,
Shane doesn't get credit for the tickets sold.
We just want to make sure that happens.
Yeah,
I'm excited,
man.
I haven't seen him.
I haven't seen him stretch his legs in a while.
Oh,
right.
Fucking 90 minutes of everything.
Bagel jokes.
All right,
let's get back to the podcast.
I guess I'm going all reasonable
mascots another guy who was like he was real early he was like do your own research you know what i
mean follow your nose to wherever it goes don't don't take my word for it i'm not here i'm flying
around i'm gonna go to him anyways you follow your nose to the delicious goodness that follows i'm taking
two can't say yeah yeah pick i can't believe you went this late yeah he's just all around just a
great guy originally voiced by mel blanc or blank thousand voices yeah mel blanc is that really how
to say his name it's probably blank i think it is definitely blank i think it was mel blanc yeah
i could see why you would say blanc it's okay i could thank you is definitely blank I think it would smell blank yeah either way
I could see why you would say Blanc
it's okay
thank you
like Matt LeBlanc
like Matt LeBlanc
right
of Friends fame
Toucan Sam
he's a good ass cereal mascot
he's got a big ass nose
Fruit Loops
oh Fruit Loops are dope
I love Fruit Loops
they're different now
another good bar
a Fruit Loop bar
forget about it
they're different now though
we can all agree
they're like waxier now.
They leave your mouth
covered in a film
that was not there before.
Something happened.
And the circles
aren't as circle-y.
They're like more
octagon-y.
Yeah, well, that's
you follow your nose.
That's like the point, right?
You follow your nose.
They really do, though.
They smell like body wash.
Look at him sexy.
I know.
Isn't he sexy?
Yeah, and he plays basketball.
I like this one better than... He looks like a... Look at him sexy. I know. Isn't he sexy? Yeah. And he plays basketball. Well, yeah.
I like this one better than.
He looks like a.
He looks like an and one character in this.
That's not Toucan Sam as much as it's just a toucan who plays basketball.
Yeah, it does look kind of just like a hot toucan.
Yeah.
I think that's like the M.O MO for somebody animating said cartoon character.
Now, here's my pitch for a movie.
General Mills is going to back my play.
Toucan can jump.
Okay.
Yes.
We'll figure the other stuff out.
As long as Jack Harlow's in it, I'm in.
Yeah.
He's the toucan.
Do you think Cap'n Crunch and General Mills went to, like, boot camp together?
Yeah.
Oh, because they're both in service?
Nothing, yeah.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I like you.
I like you.
I was icing you out.
I just want you to know, I was.
They talked.
Not me.
Not me.
Icing you out.
Isaac, how did you feel about that General Mills Cap'n Crunch show?
It was all right.
He loved it.
It was okay.
I loved it.
Isaac, you loved it?
Yeah, I loved it.
My voice is not that low.
I don't know why.
You almost had it for a second there, I will say, about that impression.
I don't know.
I don't think my voice is that low.
It comes off as a pretty deep register
it seems low to me man
I mean I can go real low
if I want to
whoa
okay
I have a bass
okay
I am
go as low as you can go
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god what the fuck was that what the fuck was that Sean do you think yo that was so bad that sucked I hate it
I hate it
what the fuck was that
Sean do you think
a low voice is someone
who sounds like they live
in a basement
I feel like I could hear
the walls of your throat
I'm trying
what are you doing
as low as I can go
as low as I can as low as I can go as low as I can
as low as I can go
you sound like if the Joker
and Kermit had a baby
twisted that would be so twisted
go as low as you can go
that's not even that low of a voice
yes it is it's voice. Yes, it is.
It's so breathy.
Yes, it is.
It's.
Oh, God.
You didn't throw that at me.
It's not that.
It's not that low.
It's not that loud.
Oh, okay, David.
There you go.
Yeah.
All right, I'll stop.
Wow.
I can see you aging into that voice.
Katie, can you do an alto?
Contra alto? That's as low as I
can go. It's this low.
It's not very low at all.
Low voice.
That's it. I don't
have very high either.
I kind of live in the same
mid-range. Right around here.
I'm going to beat you with this crowbar.
No.
That wouldn't scare me, but you did sound very
authoritative.
Follow your nose.
Follow your nose.
Follow your nose.
Follow your nose.
Or die.
Oh, Sean, you got deep there.
Follow your nose.
Oh, God.
Podcasting. Weird game.
No.
Nope.
That's what Sean was doing.
Why can't I do it?
Yes, you've heard it.
Follow your nerves.
Follow your nerves.
Follow your nerves.
I'm kidding.
Follow your nerves.
Follow your nerves. That was just Gollum.
Follow your nose.
Follow your nose.
Oh, my God.
Follow your nose.
Follow your nose.
No toucan.
Bad toucan.
Holy shit.
Oh, I like that.
Your nose you need to follow. Oh, I like that. You're a nurse.
You need to follow.
Oh, good.
Really good.
You guys are amazing at impressions.
Thank you.
We're all very talented and hireable.
Cover your third pick.
Now, again, there's somebody I want.
But then there's somebody who has dropped in this draft draft and I did not expect them to still be around. And so if I've learned anything from fantasy drafting, it's that if somebody drops, even if they weren't at the top of your list, they still become more valuable. I got to take count Chocula.
Yeah. Yeah.
I gotta.
Yeah.
I don't know much about him me neither that's why i feel
kind of like a fraud more as like yeah he wasn't like in my uh list that i want guys of guys i
wanted but i thought he would go early i mean he's got chocolate in his name so just in general i
feel like what he stands for on the surface our views appear to align i'm not usually ever going
to be against somebody
who's pro-chocolate.
But we weren't allowed to have
any of this stuff in my house.
So I can look up his bio
while Sean looks up his nudes.
I'll look up his body.
You look up his bio.
He's a count, so, you know,
he's got a weird team.
Oh, number one,
number two question on Google
when you Google his name
is what's the deal
with Count Chocula?
What did they say?
What is the deal?
He's part of a quartet
of breakfast cereals
that were once available
Don't say the other ones
Don't say the other ones
Year round, I didn't
but now are on the shelves
just once a year
to herald the return of Halloween
They turned him into
a seasonal
I didn't know that.
I didn't know he was a spirit Halloween.
Whose spot does he take?
Probably kicks. They just make room.
They just make room. He's a vampire,
an undead servant of evil who prays
on the living, but he's fun because he likes
chocolate.
How about that? Yeah, that makes sense to me.
He's a
count. He's one of the few person of uh people of noble
heritage are you born into into count ship or whatever right or you can marry into it i believe
yeah okay i don't know it looks like he just boned into it if you look at that picture
oh shoot let's take a look he's got chocolate on his fingers. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh,
fuck.
Yeah.
Where'd it come from?
I don't know. It's chocolate.
Where'd it come from?
The chocolate?
Where do you think it came from?
How come so many of these combine this specific fetish with,
it appears to,
they,
they pick two and then it's even more specific photo.
You know what I'm saying?
Like the one where one of them was big, whatever mascot that was.
That seems like two fetishes smushed together.
That was a frog.
And now this one, the guy's eating the chocolate on his fingers.
That feels like something you'd have to specifically be into.
I don't know what to say.
Yeah.
You found it.
I know.
I want to be dealing with this for months on my algorithm.
So I'm doing the Lord's work.
You could have just taken a screen grab.
Whoa.
There's one that won't.
I can't get to translate, but yeah.
That's probably good.
That's fine for the post.
Well, abandon the project.
We'll abandon the project.
I think we'll be okay.
Count Chocula.
Excellent pick.
Seasonal pick.
Yeah.
Count Chocula rules, man.
Land of Gentry.
Sean, come for your pick.
Third one.
The Trix Rabbit.
I know. Yeah, Silly Rabbit,
Trix Rabbit. You're taking all these characters who keep getting punked.
Why is the Trix Rabbit getting punked?
What do you mean?
It's his entire life he's getting punked.
Silly Rabbit, rabbit tricks are for kids
and then they eat it in front of
him.
I suppose he never gets his hands
on him, huh?
You stupid piece of shit.
You can't have any of this.
You fucking idiot rabbit.
You seem like he was always cool
with it.
It gave him something to do.
He was never cool with it.
His life was torture.
I thought that he was bummed out,
but I don't know.
He was bummed out.
Otherwise, it would be a terrible
selling point for the cereal.
It was like constantly
in the middle of a panic attack. Can you imagine
the hell of being told that you can't
have something because it's not for you,
but your face is used to sell it?
Yeah. In those photos where he's
on the cover and he has to be like, this stuff's good.
So I hear.
Well, I mean, it's not good
for you. So they're really doing him a solid.
He's probably eating kale
instead of Trix every day.
You can have Trix sometimes.
Yeah, you can have him on your cheat day.
I haven't had Trix in a long
time. I don't think I ever think about Trix.
If you got rid of it, I'd be like, fine.
Trix are really good. And maybe that's because I'm not a kid.
So I guess it makes sense. I really enjoy me some tricks.
Yeah.
I would just...
Fruit Loops to me are the superior trick.
No?
I don't know.
I was more of a Fruit Loops guy, but, you know...
Fruit Loops are more fun to look at.
I think I ate a lot more Fruit Loops than tricks.
But I'm not turning up my nose at tricks.
Me neither.
You're also not speaking in absolutes
like Sean seems to be in all this.
All or nothing?
Yeah, you don't have a lot of room
for people to just do their own thing.
It's very, it's right or it's wrong.
I just think it's interesting
you're taking these tortured characters.
I guess I never thought about it.
Maybe it speaks to what I, I don't know.
I always thought they were fun.
They're always trying to steal the Lucky Charms guy's cereal
and they're not letting this one have any.
I wonder if the Lucky Charms
guy will ever let the Trix rabbit have some of the
cereal. He sees his plight and he's like, you know what, man?
You can have some. Fuck these
kids. Yeah.
You know what, man? They have enough.
Yeah, maybe I'm picking people that hang out together.
Like Lucky and the Trix
Rabbit, they're kicking
it together.
At least they have some
friendship.
I don't know if any of the
other people are hanging out.
I don't want to bring this
up because I know in this
current climate, it's not
great of me to bring this
up, but I will say the
Trix Rabbit spends a lot
of time chasing little
kids around.
Is he on Epstein's
flight log?
We're all wondering. I'm just saying, I'm just asking
questions.
I don't have any answers for you.
What kind of tricks?
Allegedly. What is he talking about here?
The show me lucky
tricks.
I mean, they're
all getting this shit from Tony the Tiger.
He's the one pushing it.
Accusations.
Allegedly.
Tony doesn't really have to push anything.
You're right.
He lets the abs do the pushing.
It comes to Tony.
Tony just lays there like,
no, I'll get it.
It'll be fine.
It'll get here.
Time for my third pick.
I am continuing my...
Wait, did we do sexy tricks, Bunny?
I don't know that we got sexy tricks bunny.
Oh, I don't think we did.
Sorry, while you do your pick.
Did you put one in?
I put a bunny in the chat.
Oh, you did?
Oh, shit.
Oh, here it is.
Can we get a bunny in the chat?
Okay.
That one's...
Somehow he's still
a master lady.
His head is tiny.
Yo, he's massive, bro.
More like fix.
Fruity fix? That seems not likeix. Fruity Pix?
That seems not like right.
Fruity Pix. This dude is,
for the listener, a big, just a
real buff. Definitely on
Deanna Ball. Yeah.
The slogan doesn't work if it's Thix.
I'd like to see a kid
keeping the tricks away from that buddy.
Blah.
You saw that happen live in real time.
I didn't say it. I made you think.
Fixer for...
Fixer for yids?
I can say that.
With your pick.
With my third pick, I'm
staying in the Halloween zone,
but I'm taking a different guy.
Taking Frankenberry.
Yeah.
Look up a picture of Frankenberry.
This dude.
This dude is on
like maybe
promethazine, maybe
opiates, something. This guy
is. Oh boy.
This guy is laid back.
Oh, who's the hot girl with the
headphones?
I don't know her.
Carmella Creeper?
No, thank you.
That's her name?
Yeah.
Frankenberry looks like he's going,
Ha ha!
Yeah.
But there's certain Frankenberries here where he's just like,
Yo, this dude is laid back,
having a great time.
Frankenstein, like,
I just like it.
I just think him and the Sugar Snaps bear hanging out. Honey Snaps bear. It's a great time. Frankenstein, like, I just like it. I just think him and the sugar snaps bear
hanging out,
honey snaps bear,
is a great combination.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The party that they're going to?
Yeah.
Man, that's the invite
that comes along
once in a lifetime.
That's just the vibe
I want with my cereal.
I just feel like there's,
you know, like I said earlier,
there's too much
high-energy cereal mascots,
so I'm celebrating the guys who kind of sit back and do more, like I said earlier, there's too much high energy cereal mascots. So I'm celebrating the guys who
kind of sit back and do more of like a
Stephen Wright
style cereal
promotion. It is a fun box too.
They're doing new things with these
boxes for this group
and they do jump out and it's fun
looking at all of them on the shelf together.
I might go get some
Frankenberry cereal.
Oh, Katie found
a sexy Frankenberry.
Dang, I can't find one nice.
Well, it's not really sexy.
It was just like
it came up in the regular
It's playful.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's kind of
sort of like Isaac's nudes
a little bit.
Yeah.
He's laying on his belly.
He looks coy.
That's loosely what
Isaac's nudes look like
except less pink. I could be honest. He looks coy. That's loosely what Isaac's nudes look like, except less pink.
Of course.
Less pink. More Franken, though.
Time for my fourth pick.
What was his cereal like?
Berry flavor, kind of a strawberry.
It would give you strawberry milk.
They're all Lucky Charms-y.
Count Chocolate would make it chocolate,
but they're like Lucky Charms mix.
I'd say like 70% cereal, 30% Mallow's.
Yeah.
I got Mallow's.
Those Mallow's that hurt your teeth if you eat them.
You ever just pick out the Mallow's and eat them?
They hurt.
Gotta have some milk on them.
Well, we talked about that earlier.
No, I like them.
I like them.
I like them that way.
Yeah, they're like, they crumble in your mouth.
I missed that.
I must have been looking up sexy cereal.
I think you probably were.
Oh, this is a
fun little rule that I made for myself
that nobody wants anything to do with. I love it.
Of course, it should be called
Frankenberry's Monster.
Of course. Yes, of course.
Right. Absolutely.
Yeah, the machine, man.
My fourth pick is going to be
the Kashi Good Friends those two
ladies I didn't even know they had
a mascot y'all know Kashi Good Friends
cereal
Kashi Good Friends
has two ladies real life
ladies on the box
and I'm drafting them hey
find a sexy picture of them
I don't even
I've never heard of it.
Now, how good are these friends?
Well, hold on.
I'll put the box in the chat.
You tell me.
In the aisle next to the cereal aisle,
one of those where it's like,
oh, this cereal is by the Oatmeal Boo.
Because I think Kashi came out
before they were allowed to call them.
You know, they just had to be like,
these are good.
These are two roommates.
Ha!
Ha ha!
They're two.
Kashi roommates.
They couldn't call it
Kashi lesbian cereal. They had to. I don't think so. Kashi roommates. They couldn't call it Kashi lesbian cereal?
I don't think so.
Kashi Donna's bringing her roommate for Thanksgiving.
It looks like there's different iterations, though.
Yeah.
I see an old man and an old woman together on this one.
I'm taking the classic good friends, which was an interracial, vaguely lesbian couple.
From way back.
Nice.
They're just good friends.
I've never heard of it.
Really good friends.
It's just, they're just good friends.
Oh, that rules.
They're just good friends.
That's sick.
That is wild.
Just a couple buds.
What a weird thing to name cereal.
Hey, Kashi.
Good friends.
I love you. Eat our new Kashi, I love you.
Eat our new Kashi.
I love you. I won't leave.
Is it just like a mixture of like...
It's like granola. It's like a granola
cereal. It's like trail mix with milk.
I see fiber real big on all these boxes.
So are they friends or are they
Kashi good friends?
What's going on with them?
It's cool either way.
Yeah.
Are they Kashi good friends?
Or are they Kashi good friends?
Those are my two picks.
Throwing Kashi to the wind.
Oh, there it is.
It's been a while. Welcome back. Been a while. Oh, there it is. It's been a while.
Welcome back.
Been a while.
Sean, time for your fourth pick?
Been a while.
There we go.
Poof.
All right.
So I'm going to take it back.
This is one that I was excited that I found.
I wasn't alive yet, but I do like the cereal.
The old mascot for Pops.
Did you guys, did anyone do anything on Pops?
Like Corn Pops? I remember pops.
Corn pops, the big yellow box.
When we were growing up, it was just
like kids who
it was just like
kids. Like, hey, I'm a kid.
I got to have pops.
From 1976
to 1980, I think,
there was this dude named Big Yella
and he was the mascot for Corn Pops.
And I just found him last night
and he looks so dope.
I just wanted it to be when I was alive.
But he's got like a giant 10-gallon hat.
I'll drop a link.
He ain't sexy.
He looks like he's in Bob's Burgers.
Yeah.
I was so stoked when I found him
because Pops is one of my favorite cereals
and I wanted them to have a mascot and then I found out they did.
Then I found out his name was Big Yella.
That sounds like a racial slur
for my people.
That sounds like a...
Say you're sorry and take the pick out.
I definitely think it's maybe if you're talking
to the wrong people. If you're talking to jerks
maybe.
That is not how I'm picking.
That is not how I'm picking. That's what you're picking. Let the record show.
That is not what I'm saying.
I appreciate you, Katie.
Yeah, thanks.
Ally.
One of the good ones.
Now, please let the record show.
That is not why I'm picking.
I'm picking.
One of the good what's.
Yikes.
Yeah.
That's my question.
And I instead would like to
draft
Kashi Good Friends, another interracial.
Yeah, Big Yella didn't seem... I bet you Big Yella
didn't love Kashi Good Friends
just by looking at him.
Yeah, he got canceled for a reason.
I do think Big Yella used to go out cruising
with Tony the Tiger, though, back in the day.
Those two? I think Big Yella drove. And yeah, I think tony the tiger was like let's go here you drive big yellow talk
about it a lot but tony the tiger can't drive anymore you know for sure not big yellow seems
like mr strickland need to nor does he need to you think you think that david big yellow seems
kind of like mr strickland he seems adjacent to the man in the big yellow hat.
You remember that guy?
King of the Hill?
No, Keira George, the man in the
yellow hat. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah. I'll give you that.
Yeah, big yellow. It was just a fun little...
Corn Pops also had a
porcupine mascot at one point.
And they used to just have a kid with a gun.
Corn Pops stayed
crispy for a while. Stayed poppy in the
cereal. Took that shit a long time to sog out.
So I was a fan of that.
I always remember it being like
the cereal for like pre-teens.
Remember?
Parents just don't get it.
But I gotta have my pops.
It was definitely like, that's for babies.
I want corn pops.
Wasn't that one of their,
that was the slogan, right?
Gotta have my pops?
Am I making that up?
It just sounded so good.
Gotta have my pops, right?
Yeah.
Gotta have my pops.
Yeah.
I loved them.
And then,
didn't the commercials
kind of get wild?
Like in the 80s
when commercials were getting wild
where just like cereal
would be exploding
all over the place?
Am I making that up?
I buy it.
I just don't remember specifically about it.
Yeah, that might be before my time.
Every now and again,
Zach could get the right amount of stone
where he'd just want to watch hours of old commercials.
Hours.
It is fun.
It does scratch that itch.
Like four hours.
And it really was fun.
You just, I don't know.
Nostalgia is fun, you know?
So yeah, I think a few Pops commercials came up.
I digress.
I think Dan did a science fair project on what cereal stays unsoggy the longest, I think.
And if I'm remembering properly, I think it was Corn Pops.
Do you guys ever think they really let us get away with what wasn't science?
Yes, 100%.
The science fair, we'll call it
he had to do I think it was like he had to do an experiment
and the experiment was like okay I'll just eat a bunch
of cereal
I remember for summer school
one year my shit was just
like how does gummy bears
how long does it take for gummy bears to
dissolve in different liquids it's like
I don't I'm just doing this so I can go to ninth grade I did once just on like here's a bunch of how long does it take for gummy bears to dissolve in different liquids?
I'm just doing this so I can go to ninth grade.
I did once just on like here's a bunch of
poison dart frogs. I didn't do any research.
You know, I don't know
why that reminded me of it but my stomach
growled last night and Max was sitting next to me and she
told me that my stomach farted. It was pretty funny.
Science reminded me of that when you said
science. She's like your stomach farted.
That is adorable. That's very cute stomach fart i love that big yellow big yellow okay any time
for your fourth thing i'm gonna take the raisin brand sun yeah oh two scoops baby i love a sun
that's got two scoops of two scoops of raisins and a big smile on his face right does he smile
yeah he oh yeah he's yeah i think he's pretty stoked about it got the shades on i just know Two scoops of raisins and a big smile on his face. Right? Does he smile? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I think he's pretty stoked about it.
He got the shades on.
I just know raisins blow.
What are you talking about?
Why are we still listening to him?
This is your fault for still listening to him.
Don't listen to him.
Can't stand raisins.
I think the shades on is Mandela effect.
It is Mandela effect. It is Mandela effect.
There is no shades on the Raisin Bran Sun.
No.
Sorry, Sean.
Sorry to... Was I the only one that thought that
or was I the only one that said it out loud?
You're the only one from that timeline, I guess.
I am the oldest person on this podcast.
I guess the other timeline where raisins are gross.
They're a sweet treat.
They're delicious.
Especially in...
I mean, Raisin Bran, it sounds...
They don't sell it well,
but it's actually not bad. Like Raisin Bran Crunch... Raisin Bran, it sounds, they don't sell it well, but it's actually not bad.
Like Raisin Bran Crunch is better.
But it's good.
Like it's nice and cereal to have a little raisin, a little sweet. It is a top five cereal for me.
Should we ever revisit that draft?
By the way.
I don't even know if it came out.
Did it?
Yeah.
Because people know about me and a certain cereal.
Oh, God.
Yeah, man.
Anyway.
Yeah.
It'd be fun to revisit.
That was fun.
We should.
The Raisin Bran Sun.
Yeah, that guy's cool.
He's got two scoops of raisins.
You don't like raisins?
He's got two scoops of sunshine.
Raisins are delicious.
Raisins are so delicious that they're bad for you, bro.
Did you know that? No, I might. Now he's back in on them. You're bad for you, bro. Did you know that?
No, I might.
Now he's back in on them.
You're selling me a little bit.
They're bad for you.
Lots of those bad for you nonsense.
They're very high in sugar.
How bad?
Are they going to break up?
Tasty, though.
Bad, real bad Michael Jackson.
Ooh.
So yeah, I'm taking the raisin brand son.
I think he's a cutie.
I think he's cheeky.
I think he's got little secrets,
but he's also like,
hey, you guys want some of these raisins?
Yeah.
Okay.
Unless you're Sean,
then you can't have any.
Not, and nor do I want them.
There's not really a sexy son,
but there's a jovial, fun son that I found.
Well, you give me 45 minutes.
I'm going to draw one of these dudes
with a big old hog.
That's just the regular son that you sent us.
That's just him on the box.
You know, he's like matted, so it looks more fun.
But yeah.
You just sent a picture of the mascot and said, this is porn of it.
Sometimes the porn is in your mind.
His mouth is wide open.
There it is.
That helps everybody. David, time for your fourth and then your final pick. the porn is in your mind. His mouth is wide open. There it is. See?
If that helps anybody.
David, time for your fourth and then your final pick.
Fourth pick.
I don't know
if you guys remembered.
I just always really like
to watch their dynamic.
It was a good time.
I'm taking the cookie crook
and the cookie cop.
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good one.
Cookie Chris.
Officer Crumb is his name.
Oh, I thought it was just the cookie crook and the cookie cop. Cookie crook and Officer Crumb is his name. Oh, I thought it was just the Cookie Crook
and the Cookie Cup. Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb.
Okay.
Officer Crumb.
Cookie. Do they still make
all these, right? Cookie Crisp.
I used to love Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp was always crazy to me.
I could never talk my mom into that.
Like, oh yeah, it's
just a bowl of cookies.
That was an own goal by them no chance
zero from my family we weren't
yeah it wasn't going to at least they were
not even pick it up as like a pitch
I knew not to even waste a pick on it
because it was gonna get laughed out of the room
but love the commercials always
love the commercials felt like they were having a good
time yeah they you
know like they were honest about what it was all
these cereals are just bowls of different kinds of this one.
Just like, yes, it's cookies.
My journey to a cab started
with the cookie
crook. Yeah, let the guy it's a victimless crime.
Yeah, he's
stealing cookies. He has a family. Yeah.
Our parents aren't letting
us buy it. You know,
somebody's got to have it.
Man,
some of these would be real fun to buy. Isn't it? Just like if I'm at the store us buy it. Somebody's got to have it. Man.
Some of these would be real fun to buy.
If I'm at the store,
just me and Max and I just get cookie crisp. Every time I've had cookie crisp
in real life, I've always been pretty
disappointed. 100%. Because I think
as a kid when you want it, it's like the
board game mousetrap.
As a kid, I was dying for it. And then you
see it as an adult and you're like, well, I really would have, I would have gotten sick of that pretty quick.
Here's their big flaw is that no, like most parents aren't buying cookie crisps for their
kids. And then once you're an adult, you can just smash up a bunch of actual cookies in a
bowl and pour milk over it. No one will stop you. You know what I did the other day? I ordered for
delivery. I ordered a slice of blueberry pie and then I got Van Leeuwen's vanilla ice cream delivered to my house. And then I heated up the pie and smushed it into
the vanilla ice cream and ate that out of a mug. I just made that. And it was the best thing I've
ever had in my life. But that's, you weren't allowed to do that as a kid. One of the absolute greats. CPS would have been called.
CVS, CBS.
Yeah.
CSI Miami.
Everybody would have come over.
The BBC.
The BBC.
That's what I,
that was the original thing I said, Sean.
CP.
Yeah, you're right.
You did.
That's where it started.
David, your final pick.
Okay.
My final pick,
I'm taking a newer cereal. It's called Booty-Os,, I'm taking a newer cereal.
It's called Booty-Os, and I'm taking the New Day.
What?
The wrestlers, the New Day,
Xavier Woods,
Kofi Kingston, and who's the other guy, Big E,
they have their own cereal
called Booty-Os, and they were always
fun wrestlers, and it's fun that
it's called bootios
that is fun i didn't know that like yeah i've never even heard of it it's cool i don't know
what you wwe bootios cereal that's sick when you read it it's funny
yeah you know have you had boot have you had booty? Yes. I've never had booty.
Yeah.
They look like lucky charms ish.
Like,
yeah,
they look like lucky charms.
I was always,
I really,
when Kofi Kingston first came out,
I was watching a lot of wrestling.
So I've been a big fan of him and everything he does. Yeah.
Those guys always just seem like they're having a fun time.
Yeah.
And they have a fucking cereal.
Cause it's called booty. Yeah. And they have a fucking cereal. Because it's called Booty-Os.
Yeah.
Remember?
Because of the butts.
Booty-Os.
Oh!
Remember?
Thank you for saying it.
I don't know if you forgot, but...
I did.
I'll bring you back.
Booty-Os.
Fantastic pick.
Katie, time for your fifth pick.
All right.
With my fifth pick, which is my final
pick. That's right.
I am taking
Chef Wendell from
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Oh yeah! They got rid of him.
They replaced him with those
human cinnamon toast
crunches. Yeah, they replaced him with those
psychotic little cinnamon squares.
Those things are gnarly.
Those things are a little devious for me.
I actually would like to know if anybody has an update on where Wendell is,
because I don't trust that those little things didn't kill him in an attempt to seize power.
Honey, Wendell died.
No.
Wendell lives forever?
Honey, Wendell died.
No.
He looked old.
He just went gray early.
I think he was actually a younger man. One of those 35-year-old grays? Yeah. And Wendell died. No, he looked old. He just went gray early. I think he was actually one of those
35 year old grays. Yeah. Wendell died. Ian, cut it out. Okay. He's with us. He's got cinnamon,
sugar, goodness. He was pretty old when you met him. He's sweet. He can cook and he gives great
hugs. So he's still with us. We need to let Wendell go.
And it doesn't mean that the time you had with him was any less special or important.
And you will always have those memories.
But he just had so much cinnamon in his prostate.
And Wendell died.
A shark ate him.
There's nothing they can do about it at a certain point.
He was water skiing naked.
And a shark thought his penis.
Wendell was water skiing naked. And a seagull thought his penis was a fish.
And it flew down and grabbed it and made him fall in the water.
And then a shark thought his penis was a fish and ate him.
He has a penis?
And then Clive Davis came and ripped his penis right out of that shark's tummy.
Clean up.
Clean up.
What did happen to Wendell?
I don't know, man.
The crazy squares got rid of him.
I think they ate him. You know, he also used to have
two partners when he first started. There were two other chefs
who helped make it. I was going to say, I remember there were some
other guys in there. And I think he was like, guys, I got
this. You can kick rocks.
Well, they didn't
have their papers.
They got deported back to France.
They were not supposed to be in this country.
Damn.
Yeah.
It's a cold world.
I'm glad they did.
They got deported.
Yeah.
Also, that cereal just rules.
That cereal is very delicious, and I still love it to this day.
Oh, come on.
That shit's crazy.
It's so good.
Yeah, that shit is crazy.
That's one of the, they have the milk ready-made at the store. You could get the cinnamon toast crunch milk. Oh, come on. That shit's crazy. It's so good. Top five for sure. Yeah, that shit is crazy. That's one of the,
they have the milk
ready-made at the store.
You could get the
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Milk.
I get it sometimes.
Yeah, I bet you do.
I get a little thing of it.
Make it at home.
Yeah, but they got it
at the store.
They did it for me.
They did the heavy lifting.
Then you get the bowl of cereal.
Don't you want to eat this?
You just get it and drink it.
It's dope.
I'll get the cereal too.
I'm just saying.
It's one of the few that I,
like they do make at the store
and I'll get it.
You're sitting there drinking the milk? What, in your car? Mm-hmm. I'll get the cereal too. I'm just saying it's one of the few that they do make at the store and I'll get it. You're sitting there drinking the milk? What, in your car?
I'll do it on walks with young
Maxine. A walking milk?
She does it.
You drink it in public. It's false. She does it.
She does it. You taught her.
You say it like she did
it herself. She learned it all from me.
She does it.
You can't start justifying your
behavior based on the behavior of a toddler.
Start. I can and I will
and I have. It's a slippery slope.
That's all I'm saying.
You gotta go make a Chucky Boom Boom.
Yeah.
Coco Bam Bam.
I think the 42-year-old
version is a Chucky Boom Boom.
Well, if you get enough
psilocybin. What is it? Psilocybin? Psilocybin. I think that the 42-year-old version is a chalky boom-boom. Yeah. Well, if you're getting enough...
What is it?
Psilocybin?
Psilocybin?
Psilocybin?
Psilocybin?
Psilocybin?
Oh.
We all said psilocybin.
I don't know either way.
I started to say psilocybin.
That's bad.
Yeah, we got mushrooms on the brain.
Wrong audience.
I wouldn't mind a little mushroom excursion soon.
Oh, brother, I got you.
I got you.
Damn, everybody's just out here having mushrooms. I got you. I got you. Damn.
Everybody's just out here
having mushrooms.
I think I saw the most
mushrooms in one place
I'd ever seen in my life
when we were in Denver.
Oh, we sure did.
Oh, no names.
No names.
I don't know if I was
with you guys
when that happened.
It was out at
whatever the bar,
whatever,
whatever the main place was.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Anyway, Sean, time for your final pick.
Can I do this?
Probably not. Michael Jordan
for Wheaties. Oh, damn it!
Yeah. Yeah. I was
going to take Clyde Drexler for Wheaties. Just
next pick. Alright. Well, I found
a sexy pick of a Mike
Jordan and I put it in the chat. Is it with the jeans?
No, it's Michael B. Jordan
for sure. We're not looking at that. Look at it. I put it in the chat. Is it with the jeans? And that will be the end of it. No, it's Michael B. Jordan for sure.
We're not looking at that.
Look at it.
I am.
Look at it.
These two don't think he's hot and they're crazy.
What's wrong with you?
What?
I don't know.
He's the hottest.
Is it his personality that you don't like?
His personality rules to me.
I think he's a great actor and I think he's funny.
These two can't stand him and I don't.
I mean, he's very handsome.
He's so attractive.
You guys are kind of, that's like objectively insane to say he's not handsome. I don't think he's not handsome. He's so attractive. That's like objectively insane to say he's not handsome.
I don't think he's not handsome.
Yeah, exactly.
Nice. I'll take it, man.
He's all that, though.
He is all that. He's dope, man.
Anyway, yeah, Michael Jordan.
The one that doesn't know how to dress.
That's the one I'm picking.
I know Wheaties had everybody.
Everybody covered Wheaties, but he, to me,
was like the longest running, probably, on Wheaties. everybody. Everybody covered Wheaties, but he, to me, was the longest running, probably,
on Wheaties. He probably started the whole
thing. No, no. He started the whole
thing. Yeah, I was going to say, no, he didn't.
Way back, dude.
Anyway, Michael Jordan and Wheaties, that always
synonymous to me. Now, Wheaties
suck, but...
Yeah, really bad.
They had to run with that good-for-you angle
pretty hard. They had to run with that good for you angle. The worst. Pretty hard.
They had to get
Michael Jordan on the cover.
Yeah.
Did anyone's parents
ever give them Wheaties
with no,
you know,
sasson on it?
Like,
was it just Wheaties in a bowl?
That seems crazy to me.
I'm sure I had them
at some point.
I think we put,
I think I must have put
banana in it.
There was like one of the cereals
I would put a chopped up
banana into.
Sounds like eating
a bowl to me. That helps for sure. I would dump sugar on there enough to where there was like one of the cereals I would put a chopped up banana into. Sounds like eating a bowl to me.
I would dump sugar on there
enough to where there's like sediment at the bottom
of the bowl. Like by the time this here was done, I was
getting like spoonfuls of just sugar.
You made bootleg Frosted Flakes.
Don't let Tony
find out. He's not
going to like it.
You're dead.
Yours are stepped on.
He smiles after he does it.
Stepped on Frosted Flakes.
Time for my final pick,
the final pick of the draft.
Yeah.
You thought I wasn't gonna be able
to get a Grape Nuts pick in here
just because
they don't currently have a mascot?
Well, they used to.
It was an animated dentist.
It was an anthropomorphic boxing glove.
It was?
Oh, yeah.
What was the reasoning?
Grape nuts pack a wallop.
Wow.
They sure do.
Yeah.
Tough to eat.
Such fun to eat.
It just got so dark in here.
It did.
It was crazy.
It was spooky.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'll try to turn the light on, but I have to go.
It was a boxing glove.
It's just...
Yeah.
Every little bit of grape nuts packs a wallop all its own.
Gives you more energy per spoonful
than any other cereal, cooked or cold.
And healthful, tasty Grape Nuts are
so chewy, so crunchy,
so good for you. Such
fun to eat. Dude, that's like a Joe Lewis
ass boxing glove. Yeah, it's an
old, like, natural leather.
That's like what Shane Torres
is training with.
What they got in Brooklyn. That's Shane Torres in the boxing gym, dude. I'm gonna use that real leather. That's like what Shane Torres is training with. What they got in Brooklyn.
That's Shane Torres in the boxing gym,
dude. I only use that real leather.
Grape nuts. Top one cereal,
top five mascot.
We were just talking about it last night laying in bed,
and Laura, I was like, yeah, we're just talking about
cereal mascots. She goes, I can't. This is making me want to
go get grape nuts. And I was like, oh, we're just talking about zero mascots. She goes, I can't. This is making me want to go get grape nuts. And I was like, oh, God.
My girl.
Did you put them in the microwave
like it tells you to, which is a crazy thing?
It tells you to do that?
I remember on the side of the box, it used to be like,
try them in the microwave. And I'm like,
damn, you guys are really reaching for anything.
Darling, I shan't be
microwaving milk.
I might try it over the stove.
It's good in the microwave.
Heat them up on the stove?
Yeah, dude.
You ever hear that Master P song?
That's what he was talking about.
The Grape Nuts Commandment?
Yeah.
I love Grape Nuts.
I love this mascot.
Katie, you said you ate Grape Nuts growing up.
Do you have an affinity
for them now or now
so back then
I
the scars
they've left me
on the roof of my mouth
I haven't really gone back
those things are like
eating a spoonful
of glass
it's very sharp
I'm saying man
it's wild
really rough
I don't hate the taste
and I feel like I can
there's times where I'm like
oh I could really go
for a bowl of
grape nuts, but I never want enough bowls to
necessitate buying a box.
Well, next time we're hanging out, we
can take on a box of grape nuts.
Cleans you out.
Sitting at the bell house eating grape nuts
on stage. Better than eating those
old cold cuts you guys
dove into. Sweaty, sweaty cold cuts.
I love old cuts. Wet food.
You know what I have to
say about this whole podcast? What?
Bars. Bars.
I'm becoming a guy who says bars.
That's my final pick, the final pick
of the podcast. To recap
our picks, David, you went
first. You took Tony the Tiger, Buzz
B, Toucan Sam,
Cookie Cop, and Cookie Crook.
Booty-Os.
Katie went, and booty-Os, which means the new day.
Katie, you went second.
You took Fred Flintstone.
All right.
What?
Dig him?
Normally, it's me.
Normally, it's me getting all this heat.
The Raisin Bran Son and Chef Wendell.
Sean, you went third. You took
Lucky the Leprechaun, Snack Crackle,
and Pop, the Trix Rabbit,
Big Yella, and Michael Jeffrey Jordan.
I went last. I took Captain Horatio
Magellan Crunch, Sugar Bear,
or Honey Bear, Frankenberry,
the Kashi Good Friends, you know the ones,
and then the Grape Nuts Boxing Glove.
Super Producer Isaac, what's your pick? You guys took most of know the ones. And then the Grape Nuts boxing glove. Super producer Isaac,
what's your pick?
You guys took most of the major ones.
I think the only thing that didn't go
is the Cocoa Puffs bird.
Oh, yeah.
Because of mental illness.
Sunny the Cuckoo Bird.
Because of mental illness.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean,
all right.
He told us.
He said,
I'm Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Yeah.
Please help me.
He's like,
keep a distance from me.
I'm a classic codependent.
Lock me up.
His story starts with Reagan shutting down America's mental health system and asylums.
I'll tell you that for free.
The war on drugs really, really fucked that up.
Yeah.
Good band though.
But also, we didn't, wait, we didn't take the, remember the lady from Honey Bunches of Oats?
The old lady in the factory? Nobody took her? Oh, yeah. Honey Bunches of Oats? The old lady in the factory?
Nobody took her?
Oh, yeah.
Honey Bunches of Oats?
Yeah.
Also the Waffle Crisp grandma.
Uh-huh.
So two grandmothers not taken.
There's some kind of misogyny and ageism going on here.
Yeah, guys.
You should speak about that.
We're the number one ageist podcast.
Who'd you take, Katie?
Did you take Katie?
Brett Flintstone?
Yeah.
Wendell, who you guys told me right away
was dead, I thought was alive
and very old still. Honey, Wendell's
dead. No. Wendell's
dead. Wendell's
dead. Wendell, he died.
He died.
Wendell is no longer with
us. Wendell died.
Wendell, he died. Wendell died. Wendell, he died.
Wendell fell into an
open manhole cover and then a
geyser excrement shot him into
the jet engine of a passing
737-800.
That's very Bill Clinton. That sounded
a little bit Clinton-esque.
Oh, he loves cereal.
Big cereal guy.
This man would really want to go get
like eight boxes of cereal.
I'm gonna have them though.
We're going to Target right after this.
Getting Maxine a little Halloween dress might stop
in the cereal aisle.
I might get one of those little ones that's like six
individual boxes of fun cereals.
That's the move.
That's rich people shit.
I remember the kids that would show up with like a mini box of cereal for a snack at lunch or something. That's the move. That's rich people shit. I remember the kids that would show up
with like a mini box
of cereal for a snack
at lunch or something.
That was,
that's icy.
Well,
we're all here
horking down cereal.
We want to hear your picks.
Hit us up at
All Fantasy Pod on Twitter,
allfantasypodcast
at gmail.com.
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What else? Live episodes,
exclusive video
content, access to the
Trillblazin and
AFE exclusive merchandise, and
of course, as always, Isaac's
tasteful nudes. There's one of him
in a bathtub full of milk that I
just can't recommend enough.
Whose milk?
That's a great question. There it is.
It is dark in there.
Holy cow.
It's incredibly dark in there.
It's nighttime there.
The sun has abandoned New York City.
Shout out to everyone on the AFV subreddit,
the AFV Shaslack, and shout out to
super producer Isaac. Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AFE Shaslackity. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac.
Shout out to SaintSueCarmel.
Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to
SidTheDude. Shout out to HajiBeats. And more important than all
of that, tune in again next
week to another brand new episode
of All Fantasy
Everything
Shaslackity. That was a hate gun podcast.