All Fantasy Everything - Chicken (w/ Andrew Ti, Kaseem Bentley and David Gborie)

Episode Date: March 16, 2017

Bwah bwah, chicken chicken, bwah bwah, chicken draft. On today's episode host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Kaseem Bentley and David Gborie, and Yo! Is This Racist? host Andrew Ti - and we're drafting ways to eat chicken. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where, just for the heck of it, we get some folks in a room together, and then we put our brains together, we look at the world, and we say, wait a minute. Now just hold on one damn second what if we were to sit together and fantasy draft specific things about that world not just anything specific things and then we record it and then we put it out once a week that's the part that's the tagline damn good intro it's a good it's a good

getting smoother every week it It's getting smoother. We're going to land on one eventually. We're eventually going to land on, I think, a pretty solid tagline. This week on All Fantasy Everything, we have a very special draft. We are drafting the best ways to eat chicken. Well, maybe not the best. I guess what we're really drafting is ways to eat chicken. That's what we're drafting today.

I always forget what order I do this in. Do I introduce the topic? I don't know. I think that you do. I think that this is on pace. Well, because usually I'm like, maybe I'll save it for a secret reveal. But then I remember it's right there in the name of the podcast. It says it right in the third word.

It's going to say New AFV Chicken. Chicken. That's exactly what it'll say. New AFV. I just spoiled the third word. It's going to say, new AFV, chicken. Chicken. Ways to Eat Chicken. That's exactly what it'll say. Just new AFV. I just spoiled the whole thing. You spoiled the tweet that's going to come out like a week and a half from right this moment. We are drafting Ways to Eat Chicken.

You've already heard my, just at this point, co-host, basically. Hey, hey, I'll take it. David Borey, at the G is silent. David, anything to promote? Any updates in your life? Oh, yeah. I'm going to be in Denver. Tell them about it.

April 18th, headlining the Pussy Bros show. It's from My Ladies Are Not a Creep. And then I'm going to stay in Denver through 420. Of course. And I'm going to be doing Uncalled 4 at the Oriental Theater, maybe. Yeah. Come out and see me. It'll be great.

Also, my Twitter is, I've been active. Instagram, going off. Cool Guy Jokes. Cool Guy Jokes 87. We're working on rebranding. Cool Guy Jokes. I saw that you got picked up at the airport by somebody with your name on a sign. Yeah.

What was that? Who was that picking you up? I flew in. I'm working on this pilot thing for this thing. I'll tell you about it afterwards. Off the air. But they sent a car. That's so dumb.

Got my name. What else do I? It's the best feeling. And it's happened a couple times, and I always take a picture. Yes. And the guy's so surprised. He's like, you want to take a picture? That's because most of the people they're picking up are these businessmen who don't even get off their phones.

Yeah. You know what I mean? They're just like, yeah, I'm Ted Schlesewski. You know, like, anyway, Bill, thanks for holding on. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't like that. I want, when I get as famous as I'm going to be, I'm going to have. Yeah, which is very famous.

You're going to make a million dollars. I'm going to make a million dollars. I say it almost every day at this point. I re-listen to that podcast, and I've been saying it, too. It's a great thing to say. I say it more under my breath, almost like a Tom Cruise sort of thing. I'm going to make a million dollars. Like while I'm smiling, but it's, I feel the same energy.

Yeah. You got to feel it. But like if I could live the life I want, I would just put crazy names on there. Oh, on the signs? Like Amanda Hug and Kiss. Yeah. Francesco Spaghetti. oh on the signs like amanda hug and kiss yeah yeah just like francesco spaghetti he's rich because his family invented spaghetti and he's just like this italian playboy living

off that fortune he's got that spaghetti money he's like they still got money people didn't stop eating spaghetti man i'm gonna live forever spaghetti money that never goes away. Frangenzo spaghetti, yeah. Poor people, Italian people, everybody loves my shit. Poor people, Italian people. Poor Italian people. I've only gotten the car, the driver thing a couple times. Yeah. But the last time I got one, they did it, my name on an iPad.

And it was a disappointment. That's not as fun. It was a disappointment. I prefer a guy frantically double-checking and then writing it with a Sharpie on the back of a receipt. I don't like knowing the sign he's holding up is something he's used to masturbate. That's just true

of any iPad. If you're a good enough artist, though. Yeah. What if you had to draw your own pornography real quick off the top of the dome? That would be the end of pornography. When the world falls apart and Trump is like

God Emperor or whatever the fuck happens, we will. We will have to draw our own pornography. I'm going to be jerking off to stick figures playing basketball. I just think we'd get good at figure drawing. We would improve. At least boob curve. A little bit, yeah.

Or for women or gay men, the part where the head meets the neck of the penis. That's a tricky area. Which is the most erotic area. I think that's the hardest part of the dick to draw. I think it is hard. Like the back or the underside, you know? It's hard to draw. I think it is hard. Like the back or the underside. It's hard to know.

It looks like it has heels on some people. There's all sorts of shading because you've got to get that bottom tube. You've got to use a delicate, like, if you're using a sharpie, you've got to go real delicate. This is a charcoal situation for sure. That voice, that other voice over here is Andrew T. Thank you. I never get to talk about pornography on my podcast. We're switching the topic. We're now doing porn. From the Yo, Is This Racist podcast. What's up? Shout out to you. I never get to talk about pornography on my podcast. We're switching the topic. We're now doing porn.

From the Yo, Is This Racist podcast. What's up? Shout out to you. Wonderful podcast that I was a guest on right after the election. It was rough seas, but we had a good time. We had booked it. I'm bad at producing a podcast. And no offense, of course.

Of course. But it wasn't the best look to have a white guy on the podcast. No matter the outcome. By the way, no matter the outcome. Because people loved it. I got higher than average volume of people. And I think it might have just been people that were real sad and needed to hear anything. Anything.

But they were like, that made me feel better. Thank you, Ian. And I was like, good. Thank God. I know, because it could have gone, why the fuck would you bring the oppressor on? Hey, man, look. Look, anti-Semitism is back, baby. It's back in a big way.

It's huge. Yeah. Throwback Friday. It's great. To 1938 Germany, baby. It's going. Throwback Kristallnacht. Nike's going to drop the new Kristallnacht. They are. The Kristallnacht. See, theback Kristallnacht. Nike's going to drop the new Kristallnacht.

They are. The Kristallnacht. See the Nike Kristallnacht. You can step on long knives without it demonstrating the soles. We're also joined today by Kasim Bentley. Hey. Comedian from the Bay Area originally. Is it the Bay Area originally?

San Francisco. San Francisco. Now I'm down here just working, writing, working on a show. Was working on a show. Maybe get my own show, but in the meantime I'm with Borey here. I'm at his house.

Just complaining about LA. Just crying, watching Black Ink Crew. Oh, is that the tattoo show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Never saw it. Never saw it in my life. It was a very black afternoon

we were having. Black afternoon. What else happened in your black afternoon? Black Ink Crew. You're both black. I was smoking weed before he got there.

Smoking weed, yeah. I made- You had house shoes on. I had house shoes on. You had basketball shorts and you were walking in black ink. Yeah, I had some ground turkey that I was eating earlier.

Like some loose turkey? Yeah, well, I mix it up with like- What do you sauce it up with? Today, I got, okay, so asparagus, all the nutrients is in the stock. Yeah. Here's what I'm doing. Is that true? I assume it's-

You just made that up. I don't think it's true What part of asparagus is not the stalk? No one's ever said All the nutrients is in the stalk Is that the stalk or when you boil it? No, the stalk That's the case with broccoli

So not the flower There's so little flower You said the stalk You can scrape the stalk. Oh, no. You said the stalk. You can scrape the flower right off of it. The stalk. So maybe.

Yeah, the stalk with an L. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the stalk. It's all located in the perv. But I dice it up and then I had all these baby carrots that are going to go bad tomorrow.

Yeah. Not go bad, but it's like I diced up the gates of baby carrots. Yeah, yeah. Bunch. I'm talking a bunch.

And then I took some ground turkey, put it all in there together. That would almost have some sweet flavor to it. It was. And then I put some Old Bay seasoning. Yeah. Oh, I love an Old Bay. And you know what I did a little bit just because I don't like using salt anymore? A little bit of salt ground sausage.

A little bit. Oh, just use that natural salt. I just want to throw this out there. There is salt in the ground sausage. And Old Bay. I know. Well, I'm getting better. I used to eat McChickens every day. I get it. Baby steps. Baby steps. It's very good.

I've upgraded myself. I've been trying to eat right, but I was like I couldn't do it. So I was like, what if I eat one meal a day that's not literal garbage? that's how it starts how's that working out kind of bad like i'm really like i get a really anemic breakfast yeah and then it is like i tweeted at you guys after you did the taco bell episode yes it was triggering for a lot of people literally 10 minutes after it started i was in the Taco Bell drive-thru. We got Taco Bell a bunch of money off of it.

We really did. Taco Bell owes us a kickback on that. People were emailing receipts and stuff. Yeah. I think some people tried everybody's list. Our occasional sponsor, HelloFresh, why don't you just go ahead and put on a Taco Bell menu? Yes. Then you'd be getting all the all-fantasy sign-ups regularly.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's going to be the next wave of these home delivery food things. It is. Just unhealthy food or knock-offs of fast food. Oh, my God. If I could just get a Frito Pie to my house. Yeah.

If Taco Bell would just deliver stuff without me having to look at the calories on the menu, I know it's a good thing, but that California thing where they put the calories on the drive-thru menu there for that well now you know so you're not like i'm gonna get like four grilled stuffed burritos but chicken so it's healthy right but like listen a lady doesn't go into a male strip club and then he's got all the things that got him there written on his stomach i don don't give a shit. I just want the final product. I know what I'm taking in. Counterpoint to that, good stripper tattoo. That would be.

Just all the way down your ass. Your workout routine and then what you just ate. Workout routine right here and then circumstance, which led him to this. Yeah, like dad mom. Foster care system. Extended ayahuasca experience. Actually, now that we're talking about this,

I have no idea what drives male strippers. I understand what drives them, but I don't know what. You never hear those stories about male strippers? No. There's what? You said that like there are compiled into a topic. Why don't you just sometimes use your will and your cert in my quest to see all the internet and get to all types of people.

I've met two black male strippers, and I think their story represents all, at least black male strippers. What is it? I played football. I broke my knee. I dropped out. I needed money. Someone told me to go start stripping. I can dance.

I'm making $ a thousand dollars a night oh so awesome yeah and you get the fan and the fact you get the fuck all the time it takes it all out the game i don't think fucking is that cool if you do it all the time you're doing it wrong after a while after a while i'm not saying week one week one are you you're i'm so blessed no i'm just saying I have a friend also who does pornography, and he said that the In-N-Out doesn't really feel like anything anymore. What? Yeah, it's just like.

Mr. Marks. His penis has basically turned into Eric Clapton's guitar finger. Oh, it's calloused. It's so calloused. I figure his dick looks like George Lopez. Also, it spits out tears from heaven. There's got to be nights a male stripper is not wanting to. I mean, you have to feel kind of crazy.

I have the coolest job in the world, and I don't want to work sometimes. I get to a show, and I'm like, I just want to eat these chicken fingers in bed. Every day. Every day? Every job, there's a day where you're like right fuck this you work at the ice cream factory or whatever thing you like the most yes it's just it gets tedious i never want to go to work i don't know about that people that work at ice cream stores like i remember that one thing caitlin gill brought us into the gelato place and she was cool working there she gives

all this free gelato dog The whole place turned into slow motion where it gets thrown around, people are learning how to dance. It's like crazy shit. Ice cream place. Look, I don't know your fans, but I'm a piece of shit. So I figured if you're an ice cream,

if you work in an ice cream store and you're mentally challenged. What are you saying? I don't even understand that leap you'll probably be having the best time of your life

oh I see you're like oh my god just flipping around you know what I mean my cousin baby sis shout out baby sis

alright she had a wait your cousin's name is baby sis yeah I don't know her real name we just their nicknames

stuck in the Bronx and all that stuff they just give you the name. They don't care about your real name or where you're going in life. So Baby says she had a... It's a garage opening. Oh, it's stuck. It probably didn't show up on the audio. I really...

But a pause hit the room as though a gigantic earthquake was only affecting one small metal door. That's like the scariest sound. Wait, we should get in. Oh, we should get in. Working at an ice cream store would probably be dope plus giant forearms. But, we have to draft ways to eat chicken.

And to determine when we got a four banger, we play rock, paper, scissors. The three of you play. It's rock, paper, scissors, shoot. And if whoever gets a unique one, if two people double up, paper, scissors, shoot. I never get at this. And if whoever gets a unique one, if two people double up, whoever doesn't, that person gets to pick the order. If you all double, if you

all throw the same one, we just play it again. I'm telling you guys right now, I'm rock right now. He's rock. I'm coming out rock. That's the first time that's been tried. I'm telling you. He's getting in your head, man. Here it goes. Here it goes. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. He was a man of his word. And we went rock, paper, scissors. He's getting in your head, man. Here it goes. Here it goes. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. He was a man of his word. And we went

rock, paper, scissors. Let's do it again. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Okay. Oh, we're doing it again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, two rock. Andrew wins. Andrew wins. So, Andrew, you get to pick the order. I rocked you, motherfucker. I'm wasting the chicken.

Uh, shoot. Well, Ied you, motherfucker. I'm waiting to eat chicken. This guy. Shoot. Well, I have to go first because I'm worried about my number one most obvious pick going. There it is. And then let's go counterclockwise. So, Kazim, David, Ian. It's a serpentine draft. You let me serpentine. So, it's going to go double down back on Ian.

That's right. All right. So, you're first. You're second. It's funny you should say that back on the end? That's right. All right, so you're first, you're second. It's funny you should say that thing you said. Don't do it. Don't do it. It's funny you should say that. Don't do that.

I feel like you've been working. You're shining too bright. Before we started recording, you were testing out segues. Yeah. This is a level of professionalism I am unprepared for. I live this podcast. I feel like you're also going to chickens. Other people aren't going to.

I'm not going to take the thing that you. I've got crazy garbage food on here. All right. I just know my first one is the most obvious one. All right. Should I just get into it? Yes, get into it. I'll just go into it.

Okay. The first pick of the ways to eat chicken, all fantasy, everything draft. Andrew T. All right. Well, so this is specific, all fantasy, everything draft. Andrew T. All right. Well, so this is specific, but I'm covering a category with this. My first pick of the chicken draft is the time I had KFC in Beijing, China. Wow. And they pulled out, and these were Chinese people that were super proud of themselves

and I think had no awareness of American culture, but literally pulled out a bucket of KFC, a watermelon, and it wasn't malt liquor in a 40, but it was a two liter malt liquor. Put it in front of me, and they were like, this is a treat. They sell two liters of malt liquor there?

Oh, hell yeah. What? Beijing is fucking weird. Whoa. Did the KFC sell watermelon? No, this was like the treat. Yeah. Oh, they made it. They picked from everywhere. They got KFC sell watermelon? No, this was like the treat. Oh, they made it.

They got KFC. There's watermelon everywhere in China. Do they have those tiny watermelons? Not that. Yeah, they do. But that's more expensive, I think. This was in the poor part of Beijing. I was there as a kid or on as a like on my like semester abroad.

And this was like a family. And they were like, check this shit out. And I was like, you guys just pulled out a racist meal. Were they aware that that was what happened? Or is just the ability of the refreshing watermelon to counteract the heavy, greasy enough of fried chicken. It was a universal sensation. It was like a joke. I was like, yeah, i guess it's it's just like convergent evolution because they were like this is the finest meal it really goes well together

it's like it's like it's like a strong red wine cutting through like a beef boning it's so good and here's the other thing that i learned at least i don't know if they still do this, and the KFCs in China fry everything in lard? It is the best KFC I have ever had in my life. I could see that. It was so goddamn good. It was crazy. It sounds so good that it don't make racism

sound bad. Yeah, I'm like, I'll take that. I was just like, this is like what Strom Thurman thinks black people eat every day. Yeah, I'm like, I'll take that. I was just like, people walking on me eating that meal for the lard fry. This is like what Strom Thurman thinks black people eat every day. I was just like, what is going on here? I thought I was being punked. I was like, this can't be right.

Someone has to be watching me do this. Is the two liter considered single serve? It was like... I'm sorry. Two liters is about the same as a 40, right? I don't... Two liters... How much is in a liter? A two liter is a little bigger than a 40. It's gotta be, right? But it's closest

to a 40. I don't think it's that far. And the bottle was shaped... It wasn't shaped like a two liter, like a soda pop. It was shaped more like a 40. Okay. KFC sold 40s, watermelon... No, no. It was like these people picked up different shit. Oh, okay, okay no no it was like these people picked up different shit

oh okay and it was like here's your treat KFC wasn't selling like an actually happy meal though that would be amazing

KFC is really huge like I mean in yeah there's one in Koreatown that's like a

two story really nice one it is KFC's big and I don't want to generalize all of Asia, but like in certain parts, right? I believe it's like a holiday food in Japan. Yeah. They like, everyone gets KFC.

It's like the Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimming. That would be way better, by the way. I know they love it in London, too. Do they love it in London? They're like a, there's a. Oh, yeah. I was just talking to somebody about that. There's like a bunch of KFCs in London.

KFC on Thanksgiving would be so much better than turkey on Thanksgiving. They sell a deep fried turkey. I'm sorry. Do they sell a deep fried turkey? They do sell a deep fried turkey. Deep fried turkey is good. Oh, 100%. But I'm fucking done with like a roasted.

I had a good turkey this year, but normally turkey sucks. It's dry. It's dry. It's dry shit bird. It's dry shit bird. Y'all are going to enjoy one of my later picks. Okay, good. Is it turkey?

It's a dry ass shit bird. I love how you just go up and laugh. Not a turkey. So you've never had a fried chicken that equaled this specific meal. Was it the terroir of it all? Was it the full experience of them having? It was just the weird irony of it and i was like how do you even begin to explain like racism yeah the stereotype of black people like poverty

stereotype of black people eating fried chicken the weird watermelon thing and then bring it all back and then without insulting someone whose language you only kind of speak because your grandma made you learn. Yeah. So they presented it like, here you go. This is the meal. This is a treat. This is a big treat today. I don't know.

I wouldn't be offended because for some reason, it feels like a young person. Like, you know, I'd be like, whatever. But it feels like an old Asian person gave it to me. And I'd be like, what the fuck is going on here? They're the ones that start the shit i talk to real asian people oh yeah yeah like the yin beijing one no old yeah they're racist they're racist in a way that's like good oh i've never seen a black person before yeah and but then it's like yeah you're right it's like that shit is like some like i don't know let's say conservatively like 1940s 50s level racism yeah yeah where it's

like like you know like an alien landed when when black people are around in parts of china especially the ones who are like the hicks of wherever region they're at yeah yeah like you know i've had experience with those kind of Chinese people. The snot rocket ones. I mean, they all rock some of that stuff. Is it

all across the board? Is it like an Asian businessman? The thing with that is it's like they're cleaning that up. Singapore, you can get drugs in the street. The idea is that like like like mucus is so bad for you quote unquote that like you have to get it the fuck out of your body and and it's just like get it are kleenex outlawed in beijing china or some shit or like look how big beijing is're just going to have that much Kleenex? I would kill the game right now.

We would kill the game. Machines to make Kleenex? Make Kleenex poppin'. I don't know. Kleenex has been poppin'. I feel like it's just like a cultural thing, mostly because, I mean, parts of Beijing, when I was there, they've cleaned it up a lot since then. Parts of Beijing, though, had straight up open sewers and shit.

So in that context, it's a little snot really yeah like what do you get that if anything makes the street washing his dick in the street rinse it off it's fine there goes you know dirty big kwan over there like no it matters like i get it go go throw one you can't i yeah so to me i mean it's that's some shit. There's a lot of cultural shit in Asia where it's like, especially because I was born here, and I'm like, oh, I do not relate or understand any of this shit. I get that, man. I guess it's all right.

I don't know, man. Sierra Leone, everybody holds hands. I hate it. Really? All the time? Dudes hold hands. It's hot, though. I mean, we're not hugging.

Two sweaty hands together? If you just meet up with your friend who's a dude, and you guys are just hanging out. You just walk hands. It's hot, though. I mean, we're not hugging. Two sweaty hands together? If you just meet up with your friend who's a dude and you guys are just hanging out. You just walk down the street holding hands? Yeah, and my gay roommate doesn't do that with his boyfriend.

We're not. You know what I mean? You're also African gay roommate. Yeah, my also African gay roommate does not do that with his white boyfriend. It's a big continent. But it's clearly on.

Just me walking down the street holding hands and I didn't know I had any problems with it but when I was there

I can't do it I don't like holding hands with anybody really what I look with my

girlfriend you look like you would enjoy holding hands oh I'm cuddling I'm a snuggler I hug

every part of that's in play but walking down the street holding hands because you gotta work out like what cadence are we walking on

I'm a tall dude I'm a tall guy I'm a big guy I think that I move with the rhythm right it's like I'm always basically listening to like it's tricky or like rock box in my head and like that's kind of the rhythm that I'm moving at and that's the pace

that I dictate and I meet the world at you want to come in and fuck with your pace right and you're listening to a heart song right and it's not going to jive with this biggie song that i'm living to you've been 120 pounds your whole life and now we're gonna supposed to walk together now you want to move with me yeah you're just gonna box with ali day one i don't think so i'm with you i will but in a sitting situation i'll hold hands but. Oh, yeah. But now walk. Are you a fast walker? Are you kind of like strolling? I would say I'm a hard walker.

Okay, then you don't need to touch nobody. No, I don't need to. You're about to knock someone in the street. Right, exactly. I got a finesse to it. Like my lady, she's a hard walker. Yeah. Like she don't need to be in 2017.

She needs to be in Selma, Alabama walking with King in some floor shine pumps, whatever it is. Like chin slightly up. Her feet would be softer if she gets calmed down. It's like... They've been telling me for years.

Black women's feet, man. You could strike a box of blunts. No, I got the same thing. I got feet like a homeless person homeless no but African people I don't know what it was

but African people got rough feet and palms now your feet your palms are soft man that's because I don't work if you meet like my cousins you go for a pedicure ever

oh man I've done the mani pedi I love the mani pedi we should we should do that we should hit a mani-pedi. Mani-pedi. Outback Steakhouse.

Drinks and then whatever drugs. You guys have designed a pretty excellent day. It's because we're in here drafting stuff. We're piecing everything together. You compose shit. I feel like back to the walking thing. You compose shit. I was like damn this feels wrong

that is true i'm dirty as a motherfucker no i i feel like the walking thing i do a thing the worst of all worlds which is i will like obsessively adjust my gait to accommodate my partner oh yeah but then brutal get so like, mad about it in my head. And then you're pissed off all day. Yeah, it's so, like, passive aggressive, but I'm like, you know, it's just because I had to shave a quarter inch off my step, and it fucked me up. It throws everything off. Yeah.

Walking hands. I'm going to go out. I'm going to. Bold statement, first round. Walking hand. Walking while holding hands. Yeah. Unnatural.

Overrated. Unnatural. I think it's unnatural. Yeah. Yourated, unnatural. I think it's unnatural. Yeah. You find it unnatural? I think it's unnatural. Who hurt you? Come on, man.

Somebody in Sierra Leone. They tattooed something on you, brother. Just like physically, it doesn't matter. What animals do you see holding hands? And this isn't like... Oh, I mean, that's probably a grip. The otters. This is a weird slippery slope that I'm getting on, and I don't feel comfortable.

There's a video of some otters holding hands. And monkeys hold hands. Walking? Walking. Like around the park, like for extended distances. Like around the park. Well, yeah. Like around the lake, you've seen two monkeys holding hands.

What, Echo Park Lake or something? What do you want to tell me? That's true. I don't know, man. I'm violent. Are they getting coffee afterwards? I have no idea. We got to reel it back in.

All right, chicken. From KFC, what's the first pick? Overall. There's one tweeting all the way. You know, I don't know. I just saw it. I remember I was 17. I said, oh, my God.

I didn't know. I didn't know extensive knowledge of David. I don't hold hands because of Sarah Leone. It made me feel bad about my sexuality. Boring. Alright, alright. That is your nickname, though. We do call you that. That's actually going to be the tagline

for the next Hall of Fantasy. My fans will love it. Kaseem Bentley. It's time for your pick for a way to eat chicken. Your first pick. My first pick. Now, see, people hear my voice. They hear Kaseem Jamal Bentley. They think they know

where I'm going to go with this. I'm about to hit you with the whammy right here. My pick of the way to eat chicken is sweet and sour chicken. You didn't think I saw that coming, right? He looked at me like what? Hold on.

That wasn't even in my asian mind right there is there a specific sweet and sour chicken or is it just any sweet and sour chicken now a lot of it's all the kind of the same it's gonna be not heavy on the sauce oh you're a light sauce man i'm a light sauce man heavy breading yeah when i was eating that stuff and and pure chicken not the not that scraps we think they're putting in not Not the stuff, you know what I'm saying? See, I come for the scraps. I've done one. I like my meat dark and greasy. If you put a golf glove in the deep fryer

and then put that sweet and sour sauce on it, I'll eat it. Wait, what? If a golf glove. I don't know why I went to a golf glove. I was like, what's a sinewy seeming thing? I get something like this. Oh, you're thinking like a fiberglass golf glove.

Like a golf, no, like a golf glove. Like a golf glove. Listen, golf... No, like a golf glove. Like a golf glove. Listen, I used the weirdest example possible. If anyone could mail in a fried golf glove... A fried golf glove. That's definitely... I feel like... It's just a leathery, smaller...

Or just like... You know where they've done that? Huh? At the kitchen at Mar-a-Lago. They did. Some pissed off dude has stolen Trump's golf glove And deep fried it I feel like anyone that owns

Or worked in a restaurant long enough Has probably been fucked around You gotta fry something Anybody with a fry later A buddy of mine had a fry daddy in his house It was like open season We were just in that business making moves What were you frying in there

well first we started out and then we uh in the beginning we started out if you get those microwave burritos yeah they eat the microwave deep fry what holy jesus then we did it to the but then we did it to the chimichangas and and it's crazy. And then we were out here. Wait, so you fried a chimichanga? Well, first we started with the burritos, and then we got the chimichangas, and we would fry those. And then it was like Oreos, batter, pancake batter, whatever, man. Did it end with crack or something? No, no, no, no.

It ended with diabetes. That's what I would have been trying to think of. I wonder if they ever tried that, though. If, like, when they were making crack, they were like, what if we deep fry cocaine? I'm going to be honest. They tried it. The hood would go crazy. The hood would go crazy.

Deep fried crack with a funnel cake batter. I feel like. Is that a sweet or a savory fry? That's a sweet thing. That's a powdered sugar. In theory, right? Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man.

The way battering stuff works, in theory, you could cocaine fry chicken, right? You could. Like if you have like some egg, you dip it in the egg, you dip it in the cocaine, you could coke fry chicken. That should have been a pre-shout out to Pear's Rick Ross move. Man, see? Oh my God. Here's the thing.

I say some shit sometimes, and I feel like maybe God did want me to be a rapper. Coke fried chicken? Coke fried chicken. What? Okay, one of us has to start rapping. I'm going to make a rap. I know you know how to make graphics. I don't know why I'm looking at you right now.

I'm wearing a graphics tee. I'm not a good illustrator. You're wearing a Coke Boy shirt, too. Maybe you're the rapper. That is true. That's really good. You know what you're wearing? Is that a Joe Mandy? Yeah, it's a Joe Mandy joint. Joe Mandy Coke Boys a Coke Boys shirt too. Maybe you're the rapper. That's true. That's really good. You know what you're wearing? Is that a Joe Mandy?

Yeah, it's a Joe Mandy joint. Joe Mandy Coke Boys. Coke Boys. I wore this. It's Coke Boys like the Coke Brothers. And I wore this shirt. And I went to like this volunteer thing after the election because I was feeling really down. Yeah.

And this like older like black lady who was like clearly like a lifelong political activist was like do you know what that shirt means and i was like yeah it's this joke about like how the coke brothers are really these assholes but blah blah blah and she was like i don't think that's funny i was like yeah you're right i'm so sorry oh you really backed down to her yeah don't have to back down some old black lady man no i was it was i do I do. It was in a post. You don't even understand. I say this with love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a cool guy.

Thank you. And here's the thing. I don't know what your life is, but you can come to the meetings. Yeah. You know what I mean? Thank you. Because you're a good dude, man.

Yeah. And you look Creole. Thanks. I didn't understand the curl until now. Yeah. That's what it's been. Most of the second part of's been your hair has a secret your hair has a secret

your dad was a traveling salesman something or your mom was out a lot there's something going on with you man I look more grilled with a mustache right now yeah you look like you have a jambalaya recipe I see it I might just start wearing overalls with no shirt on I was just thinking that

you could pull it that's crazy I see it. I love that. I might just start wearing overalls with no shirt on. I was just thinking that. Yo. Right? You could pull it. That's crazy. Do you think they'd let me into Outback Steakhouse wearing overalls with no shirt? They're going to have to. They would make you the manager. They're going to fucking have to.

There's nothing more Outback than that. There's no managers here. Everyone tighten up. It's basically a denim tank top. What's the difference? Yeah. What's the difference, baby? What's the difference?

My money's not green? That is, yeah, Ian not green that is that is like yeah your look is a lot like the flashback of the movie of your life has one guy wiping a lot of sweat

from his brow he's like oh it's hot oh lord it's hot would you ever play one of those roles

like a southern like you know mayor yeah oh I would love to play a southern man 1920s 30s yeah

in a seersucker suit I would absolutely seersucker you need a reason to wear it that's a good reason or just clanking like ice cubes rattling in a glass

the sort of guy that's why I fuck with Ian I told his lady because they were talking about ladies they were talking about guys they thought they would fuck and you came up

and they were like he's hot really yeah bro I like that they were talking because he's like he's one of those guys where it's like one lady said you're like the john ham of big white guy yo that's the coolest thing i've ever heard of my little lady right now i'm not trying to start

nothing but she ever pulled some shit you gotta be like you got a good lady. I could take a plane ride right now and it'd be four women, comics, with possible mental health issues. Yes. That would love, love, love you. Ian, you're a good dude, man. Thank you. I'm Fat Jon Hamm. Thank you. I'm Fat Jon Hamm. With Moshe Kasher here. Twitter bio's getting changed

as soon as it's over. To Fat Jon Hamm. Fat Jon Hamm. Fat John Hamm. Wait, okay. Sweet and sour chicken. We barely talked about it. Sweet and sour chicken. It's an amazing pick, though.

I love when they throw a little fruit in there. You get like a small piece of... See, I don't like sweet with my meat. A little maraschino cherry. A little maraschino cherry, a little pineapple.

That sounded so homophobic. No, I don't like sweet with meat. That's like an old black man. I don't like sweet with my meat. No, I don't like... I was in prison, God damn it. I know what I'm talking about. Right. There's like from a movie where someone's nostrils flare a lot and they're like, old black man. I don't like sweet with my meat. I was in prison, goddammit. I know what I'm talking about.

There's like from a movie where someone's nostrils flare a lot and they're like, I don't like sweet. God, that voice is racist. I should not have said that. I did not like that. I don't even want candy either. It's the dad from Friday playing that kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't like sweet with your meat. You're out on sweet and sour. I don't really. I

understand it's place in the, and I appreciate that. Okay. It's not for me. It's hard to eat a grip of it, but I like a sweet and sour. And I like to eat a grip of it. If I'm going, I'm going in. I like a sweet and sour. It's hard to say you don't like it if you eat chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce.

I don't. I like that you just assumed. You recently gave it up. Chicken nuggets not with sweet and sour sauce. Oh,'t. I like that you just assumed. You gave it up. Chicken nuggets not with sweet and sour sauce? Oh, you can eat raw nuggets. Ranch from day one. Ranch with nuggets? Can you get Ranch from McDonald's?

I'm from Matt's town. I'm from McDonald's, bro. Wait, Kazim, do you have a favorite brand of sweet and sour chicken or place to get it from or just not too much sauce? Just not too much sauce. I think the majority, across the line, I think it's all the same.

Yeah, that's correct. But I have been to this one place, Imperial something, Dragon whatever or something, like where the mobsters go. You know what I mean? Real shit. And like Ed Lee,

who's ruining San Francisco, gets there in the back, in a back room. That one, when I ate this years and years ago, it had the pure breast meat, not that scrap. It came from the butt or something. I love the butt. Or the chicken dick or whatever.

I love. It's there. You know what I mean? It was that. But yeah. But I think across the board. Like a juicy, fresh, lightly deep fried, a little bit of sauce. Lightly, lightly.

Not crazy. I need mine light skin. I don't need it Wesley. Oh, but I'm the bad guy. This is going to sound crazy. But you know who does a pretty good version of the sweet? Trader Joe's. They have their sweet and sour.

It sounds insane. But it's light. It's good meat. And it's the light breading. I think it's what you're in the mood for. I'm kind of with this shit. because I feel like Americanized Chinese food, we've reached the tipping point where white people do it as good or better. McDonald's is as good a sweet and sour chicken as you can get.

The P.F. and P.F. Chang stands for Paul Fleming. That's all I'm going to say. Wait, is that true? That's true. Wait, oh my God. I thought you had a good rib. No, we had to learn that when I worked there. There's a guy named Paul Fleming.

Paul Fleming and I think- Oh my God. Is Chang anywhere in his name? Chang is a different guy. Chang just collects the checks. Oh, so it's Paul Fleming and Chang. Chang just brought the terracotta warrior statues. Paul Fleming's in the kitchen.

That's important though. Yeah. The ambiance is important.ming's in the kitchen. That's important, though. Nobody ever brings that up. That's what the PF stands for. Paul Fleming Chang. I would call it PF Changs, too. There's no way we're going to get away with this, Chang. We're not going Paul Fleming and Changs. Come on, Chang.

There's no way we're going to get away with it. There was a fucking bagel shop, the bagel shop, next to where I went to college where everyone got their bagels was called Nussbaum and Woo which is like just the weirdest Upper East Side Upper West Side meeting you could possibly

imagine. If that was a husband and wife team I bet I know which one was Nussbaum that shit, that pairing only goes one way. That's an amazing pairing That shit That pairing Only goes one way That's an amazing pairing though That's a What

Sometimes you gotta get it exotic Was it Jeff Bezos? That's how my parents are Yeah it was just like a bagel It was like a You know Too expensive Bagels

White fish Lox Black and white cookie It was okay Where did you go to school? This was in Columbia In Columbia

New York Yeah Can I ask, Ian, you're Jewish. Sure. Is the black and white cookie a Jewish food or does it just pop up amongst other Jews? It pops up a lot in our Is it Jewish?

I don't think, it's not like a traditional Jewish food. Most traditional Jewish food is gross. I love it, but it's gross. It's like gefilte fish and like rugelach it's all like poverty food rugelach is good

I guess yeah rugelach is not gross kugel kugel is delicious kugel is a sweet noodle dish it's gross it's like if you were like what if macaroni and cheese were made out of pudding yeah it's gross matzo balls like if you were like, what if macaroni and cheese were made out of pudding? Yeah, it's gross.

I hate it. God damn. Yeah. Matzo balls are good, but yeah, Kugel. Matzo balls, yeah. Kugel's the one that I don't fuck with. I'm not saying matzo ball soup could, it's not on my list. Oh, shit.

It could be. I'll say no more. Do they put chicken in that? David Borey. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Time for your first pick. It's my first pick.

So we already have a contention here. Yes. I'm going to offer it to we already have a contention here. Yes. I'm going to offer it to the board. You guys tell me. Okay. You bat it away. I'm saying fried chicken, but I'm saying broaster fried chicken. Do you know what I'm talking about?

In the pressure fryer. I'm going to have to. You can't even get that anymore. Wow. What is that? What is a broasted fried chicken? Look it. You on the internet?

I'm on the internet. It's like they got this special deep fryer. It's like a pressure fryer. You can't even make it at home. You need a special. You know what I'm talking about? When I was living in Daly City, I had this girlfriend, Janella. She was Filipino, this evil Filipino woman.

Shout out, Janella, you piece of shit. I like shout outs that are just like settling scores on a podcast. I like shout outs that are just like settling scores on a podcast. She took me to this broaster and it was this mad Filipino. These old Ninja Turtle looking men. The fuck are you getting down? I watched him make it. It's crazy.

It's so good. I've looked it up and I'm going to allow it. I think it is a different. I think it is a different beast. It's so different. What the hell? It looks good as fuck though. We got to find some broaster chicken. That feels like the most made up word.

This feels like broasted chicken. Oh, my broasted. It's like steamed ham. Yeah. It's like, man, that is funny. That is so funny. Broasting. Yeah, broasted fried chicken.

Using a pressure fryer. Oh, this dine is fried chicken. Anyway, we'll talk about it later. Broasting. Where have you had broasted using a pressure fryer oh this dinah's fried chicken anyway we'll talk about it later broasting where have you had broasted chicken before uh in my hometown in elizabeth colorado shout out to the 646 there was a place called uh smoky jacks or no smoky jacks burned down yeah buffalo boys we used to go there every monday night and get shithouse drunk and they had broaster fried chicken. And I would watch football when I was like 20. I watched football on Monday

nights, get hammer drunk, and eat that broaster fried chicken. Can we go back to how the place that had a bunch of high pressure deep fried oil burned down? No, no, no. Smokey Jack's burned down, but that's on some

biker shit. The other place, Buffalo Boy's is still there, I think. Still there in Brost and Chicken. Still Brost and Chicken. We used to go to a place called the Real Men Tavern in Portland, which was on Division before Division blew up into this crazy ultra...

It's weird to say something gets gentrified in Portland. But it got like it got super like upscale like real quick but the real men you get like pitchers of beer and this fried chicken that would come out so hot you couldn't eat it for like 20 minutes that's how it is like 10 mustards and it was fucking so dope and they had like a shitty jukebox we gotta go get we gotta go this sounds awesome the way the description of how they make this shit, it's like pressure cooking and deep frying at the same time. Yeah.

It sounds like that thing in fucking Arrested Development where they had that deep fryer that was so dangerous they could only sell it. The corn ball. The corn ball, yeah. It sounds like some shit where someone came up with it in the 70s and they were like, well, a lot of houses burned down. So I don't think you want to like broaster in like your garage yeah there's a broaster memorial like in Tupelo

probably you know what I mean big wall of names all these people the Tupelo 7 the international victims of broasting that sounds like a problem the mayor has to talk about it.

You've got to stop this in-house bro-stering. It's too much. It sounds like a filibuster. Like Senator Smith bro-stered. He bro-stered. My granddaddy was a bro-ster. I'm a bro-ster. I'm from a bro-ster family.

Just passing down one bro-ster. But yo, man, watching people. I remember I was there watching people. It's very juicy. It's so juicy. It gets very intimate. It gets very intimate, though. Yeah, it's very juicy.

It gets wet. The one drawback, and I don't even think this is a drawback, but it could be perceived as one, is the juiciness could infect the crispiness of the fry. That's why. I've experienced it before. Here's what I'm saying. You would think that something about the pressure fry, it acts as like a seal. Yeah. So it's juicy, but the juice doesn't even come out until you bite.

And then the juice kind of drains, leaving the chicken crispy. But doesn't sometimes the skin fall off before you're? No, man. We got it. We just got to get some. Oh, God damn it. I'm not going to click this link. I'm so hungry.

The Wikipedia page at the very top says, Brost redirects here. Brost may also refer to a Pakistani cooking method for spicy air-fried chicken, which I'm not going to follow up on, but what the fuck is air-fried? Second way to Brost? Shit.

Chicken? Air-fried. I'm not second pick. Air fried. That's that kind of shit that only happens in like Pakistan when it's 114 degrees out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Air fried. Yeah, fuck it. Just put it on the dash.

Put it on the dashboard. Ben air fried. Roasted fried chicken. Excellent pick. Yes. That sounds awesome. It is now my turn to make my first and second picks as it is. As it is. This is what I'm worried about.

A serpentine draft, ladies and gentlemen. With my first pick, I can't believe it's still on the board. Now, I have to take a specific one. Yes. And let me take you on a little trip to Portland, Oregon. Oh, word. The plane lands. The plane lands.

It goes to Portland, Oregon. I know I'm talking about it. It's crazy. I know what this is. You get out of the plane. You know what I mean? You walk through PDX. Maybe you grab. It goes to Portland, Oregon. I know I'm talking about it. It's crazy. I know what this is. You get out of the plane. You know what I mean? You walk through PDX. Maybe you grab a coffee at Stumptown.

You get into a cab. And the cab's like, which hotel are you staying at, Sarah? And you're like, don't even take me to a hotel. Shit. What I need you to do is drive to Powell. Not Powell. What I need you to do is drive me to Burnside. Take me to around like 14th, 15th and Burnside.

And drop me off at Fire on the Mountain. I knew it. Because I'm going to eat some goddamn chicken wings before I go to my hotel. Damn it! I knew it! How is chicken wings still on the board? I knew it was Fire on the Mountain wings. Fucking Fire on the Mountain. But those are smoked wings. That's a... No, that's a fried wing. It's a fried wing.

Alright. Okay. That's your luggage wing. You know what's funny? Do they do both? Also, here's a great thing I just found out about Fire on the Mountain. You know the only other? Do they do both? Also, here's a great thing I just found out about Fire on the Mountain. You know the only other place there's another one? Denver, Colorado. Denver.

I've never been. Next time I go home, I'm going to go to Fire on the Mountain. Wait, now I have to find out if it's a smoked wing. Somebody told me that was smoked. I'm pretty sure they're fried. Because smoked wings is a whole different wing. I don't think it's a smoked wing. We're going to say this is a fried wing.

Okay, it's a fried wing? Yeah. Shit. It is. Wait, wait, wait. Is it traditional? No, it's a fried wing. It's like a buffalo wing. It's a buffalo wing. Yeah, yeah. But sauce is what matters more. It's got a... You can get any... If I have to, if you back me into a corner and make me pick a sauce

my way out of it... Yeah, I think we have. Classic scenario. We can't spend the rest of the draft picking 15 and with my ninth pick, lemon pepper. We can't do that. It was going to be my second pick, which is why I'm so... Can I ask a perhaps racially charged question? What's wrong with

black people? No, I'm just saying. I love the highest episode ever. It's all right, guys. I fucking understand. What's your fucking problem? The lemon pepper. Why is that a big...

That seems like a bigger thing in the black community than it is in the white. Because I've had lemon pepper wings. They're fine. I fuck with them. I'll eat them if they're there. But it's not like a priority. But it seems like the lemon pepper is like a bigger deal.

Maybe you guys aren't the people to tell me this. Here's what I know about my personal chicken wing journey. Yes. I just feel like I grew up and got lemon pepper about a year ago. I didn't fuck with it either before. I thought we'd go to Wingstop. I thought my friends were idiots. It's like the first time you really hear Patti LaBelle.

Like it's grown folks music. As like real adult music rather than this thing that you hear. Yeah. That's old. That's old. That's what my mom likes. And then you're like, oh, she was going through it. That's how I feel about Lemon.

But no, I can't answer your question. Okay. I've been, so we've talked about this at the meetings yeah yeah yeah yeah it's been up there were meetings yeah i can't divulge there's jew meetings too what yeah yeah yeah so if this explanation goes well you might get that tv show this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age.

Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything. But it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it,

which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance,

obviously you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like

that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy

Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go

to a brand new country. You figure it out're doing. Just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right. You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here.

Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way to learn a new

language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts. And they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's

the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself. Don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out. Boom. You're done. And don't just try word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University. Shout out old lady's alma mater and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which come on, that's a no brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again,

get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk.

You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. It might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. They're products. They're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days.

And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it.

So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. Here's a couple reasons why Lemon Pepper. Obvious, if you've looked in the last couple years, Rick Ross put it out there.

Yes, that's where this thing started. I'm like, Rick Ross loves them. And then I've heard other people talking about them. Lemon Pepper's been around, but also Rick Ross is like 52 years old. So, you know what I mean? He understands. He's a certain age.

But the kind of thing about the style of cooking with Lemon Pepper where if you look at the way you say older people cook, sometimes it's very simple but very flavorful spices. And a lot of times it'll be like a lemon pepper wing has a lot of pepper, lemon, like lemon salt. It's very simple, but it has a lot of burst in it. But it's something that lends itself to maybe a Caribbean spice. It's just more bang for your buck.

And I think that for lemon pepper, I've always heard about it, but I was out at a Wingstop with my homeboy, and he ordered enough to think about, oh, these are for your family? And he's like, nah, man, these are for me. And I was like, what's the deal with the lemon pepper? And he explained it. We talked

about it. So I think it's just that. But I also think, too, it's like, it's one of those cool things to eat. You know what I mean? Because somebody turns you on, because it doesn't think, too, it's one of those cool things to eat. You know what I mean? Because somebody turns you on. Because it's not the most apparent thing you want to eat. It's not appealing at first glance. It's like lemon.

You do feel really cool when you're up on it. It is kind of a cool thing to get. Especially, like, I like talking to people with a lemon flipper flat in my hand. Yeah. Just like talking about the world. Like a scepter. Like a scepter. I feel cool. You know what I mean? It's like flavors of Gatorade. Yeah. Just like, talking about the world kind of way. Like a scepter. Like a scepter. I feel cool.

You know what I mean? It's like flavors of Gatorade. Yes, yes. Like you could get fruit punch, but if somebody breaks out cucumber, whatever. That's the one.

Oh, melon. That's the one. That's my jam. That's the one. Lemon pepper is a cucumber fucking Gatorade. That makes sense to me. I get it.

That is 100% fucking right. But lemon pepper also, to me, it's for heads. I'm like, it's also the shit you could just make it from the condiment station. A lot of people do make lemon pepper. No.

No. I think I was like, oh. No, I'm saying you wouldn't because it's not the same. Oh, yeah, you'd have to be like... But if you don't know what it is, it sounds like this is two nothings. This is two like... Well, I mean, that's why people love it because it's something that you would not think makes any sense, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there are the two things that come for free with food. It's the interracial dating of chicken. Yo. Wait, which doesn't make sense. Oh, but it does make sense. I get it. I'm with you.

Also, shout out to Al Jackson. He gave me a really good lemon pepper wing recipe. Shout out to Al Jackson. We were real drunk. Do you remember the recipe? No, no. I just remember him explaining it to me, because I told him that I was getting into lemon pepper. I love lemon pepper wings too.

I love it. But if I had to pick. Pick a sauce. If I had to pick one from Fire on the Mountain. Specifically. The Jamaican jerk is so good. That's a good move. It's so fucking good.

I was initially going to say I thought that this we should just categorize this as buffalo wings. But now maybe we're categorizing it as jerk chicken wings. Yeah, are you taking Jamaican jerk chicken wings? No, no, I'm taking, like, I'm taking. I mean, a fried chicken is off the table. I guess that is a specific part. I'm taking buffalo wings. Okay.

I'm taking, like, a buffalo wing. Sorry, tempers run high. There's a variety of flavors. If somebody comes down and is like, I'm taking a mild Buffalo Wing. I will burn this studio. It's a sampler. It is. Mild, please.

All right, here's the one thing about Buffalo Wings is that people from actual Buffalo, New York, are so goddamn proud of those wings. They are. Have you been to Buffalo? What else is fine? No, I know. Andrew, that is it. Have you been to Buffalo? What else is fine? No, I know. But you know what I mean? But every Buffalo wing is real good. Unless it's like real bad.

Oh yeah, I can't imagine. Are Buffalo wings that better? No, they're zero better there. It's like getting fries in France. See, I immediately regret saying that. It is like that. Well, frites aren't any better in France. French fries aren't any better in France. You know, fries.

French fries aren't any better in France. Yeah. The best French fry I've ever had was... God, I didn't think about that. But it wasn't in France. The best French fry I ever had was a tater tot. Yeah, the best French fry I've ever had is like McDonald's when you really need it. That is with the salt. It's just like slightly greasy but still, and you're so hungover.

That's the best french fry. I am hungry as shit. Yeah, me too. For my second pick. I should have had dinner before I came here. For my second pick, you get back in the Uber, and you go back to PDX, and you hop on the plane, and you let that plane take you from PDX to the Burbank Bob Hope Airport. I was just there.

And you get out. So you know. You can see it in your head. You get out. You get into a cab or another Uber, and you say, and he's like, where are we taking you to? Home? I'm like, not home.

First, you stop at Colorado and Verdugo, and you drop me off at the Zan Cow Chicken. I knew it was going to be Zan Cow. Damn it. I knew what his double down was going to be. It's fucking roasted. Just a delicious. Oh, just roasted. I think it's roasted.

Whatever the fuck they do to it. And that garlic sauce. I think it's roasted. Whatever the fuck they do to it. I think it's roast chicken with a garlic sauce. Like a Middle Eastern roast chicken with a garlic sauce. That's my second pick. Oh, my God. Also, I just learned. Have you heard the story of Zanku Chicken? It's insane.

They hate each other. Murder. They hate each other. Murder. The most you can hate someone to where you murder them. That's a lot. other. Murder. The most you can hate someone. Yeah. To where you murder them. That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

Didn't he murder, like, the wife? And, like, it's some crazy. There's murder, and that's why, like. It's crazy. They were going to expand it, and then they didn't. Yeah, that's why it's a limited expansion situation. Cheesy. It is.

Shit. Let me see if I can find this story. Okay, I'll do my pick while you look it up. Okay. I've looked it up. On January 14, 2003, after a heated argument, Zankow chicken owner Mardiros Iskandarian shot and killed his sister, Dvořík Maržík, and his mother, Margarit Iskandarian.

He then took his own life in a double murder-suicide. It is believed that Iskandarian was in the late stages of colon and brain cancer, which might have affected his mental faculties. The repercussions of this event, and the lasting division of the brand into two family factions, impeded the continuing growth of the business,

despite the restaurant's popularity. In the California Court of Appeals case, Iskandarian v. Iskandarian, Marderos Iskandarian's widow Rita unsuccessfully sought to attain sole control of the Zankou Chicken trademark. In 2013, Zankou Chicken was one of the contributors for Green Armenia. Oh, this is a completely different sentence. Now we're too far. Anyway.

So you're saying the story of Zankou Chicken is more intense than Game of Thrones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And more delicious. It's the Game of Thrones of the chicken world. Jesus Christ. That's what a lot of people have said.

That is the best. Dozens. That's the best movie I've ever heard. Oh, that's a P.T. Anderson movie in the make. It's in LA. You know what I mean? It's kind of seedy. That would be, oh man.

Diverse movies are very on trend right now. Ever biopics? We've stumbled on, I honestly think this podcast, kind of on the eight ball pop culture. I think so. We've dropped a lot of great ideas. We're right on the Escondarian. I know David wants to go. Can I really quick tell you the thing that that just knocked off?

Because I'm just going to say that knocked off rotisserie chicken. I had written down. Does that knock off rotisserie chicken? It's a rotisserie chicken. I'm just going to take that knocked off rotisserie chicken. I had written down. Does that knock off rotisserie chicken? It's a rotisserie chicken. I'm just going to take it out of the contingent. I had written down eating an entire rotisserie chicken from the grocery store in your car. Oh.

Doing that. I've done that. Me too. One of those we going to be all right. I love taking it apart with my hands. You're like, I don't even need to wear this T-shirt again. Nope. And then you just go at it.

I've almost gotten into an accident because my hands were too slick with schmaltz it was i was like i was doing i was taking jujitsu and thought i could be like a combat sports guy so i was trying to cut weight one time yeah and i rotisserie chicken part of cutting weight is eating an entire chicken like some kind of video game character trying to refill his health bar I was so hungry that I was like I'm just gonna stop

and just get some chicken and eat it at home and then I got in the car and I was like oh it smells really good I'm gonna have a little bit and then 10 minutes later it was like

pile of bones in the plastic in the passenger seat and I was like oh this is shameful it's like a special kind of greasy too the rotisserie

it is it's worse than fried chicken grease it really is how does that how is it Oh, this is shameful. It's like a special kind of greasy, too, the rotisserie. It is. Good God. It's worse than fried chicken grease. It really is. How is it? I don't know. It's insane. Sorry for jumping in, but I just felt bad.

Did you say fried chicken grease? No, he said roasted chicken grease. Roasted chicken, rotisserie chicken, like from the Safeway, like in the bag. In the car. I'm saying it's greasy in the car. I'm saying it's greasier than fried chicken. Oh, yeah. No, shit.

Sorry. I have a crazy story about fried chicken grease. What happened? All right. He looked around, by the way. Yeah, like how much time do we need? Okay, I got this crazy burn on my arm. Kasim is taking off his shirt, everyone.

This is the most of your skin. Body of a swimmer. This is the most of your body I've ever seen. We've known each other for 70 years. I know, it's crazy, right? It's crazy. So I got this burn, right? It's the upper bicep area.

Upper bicep right there. So what happened was I was like two years old, right? And my mom was in the back in my grandparents' house, and she made fried chicken. So my mom made this really good fried chicken that I never had. I used to smell. What I did was I crawled off of my little high chair. I crawled down like in a cartoon.

I go past the dog. I go past the cat. I push a chair. I climb up. I'm crawling on the counter. I go past the chicken. The chicken's right there. That was the prize.

But I see the grease thinking that that was the prize. That was the prize. And I do it and it goes. And then here's the killer part. My parents took me to the hospital and they're like, what? What burned him? And my dad, being a black revolutionary, did not want to tell white people. Chicken grease.

He said, I'm just going to write it down. And he looked at the doctor like, and he went, okay. They worked on me with their quickness. I was like, damn, dog. That's hilarious. That's like if Black-ish was on HBO. Yeah. I'm just going to walk into the office with that story.

Can I be the King of Bears right now? Very intense. Just go right there. That's amazing. All right, so Zay Cow Chicken was my pick with the garlic sauce, with the sauce. David, Borey, it's time for your second pick. So here's what I'm saying. Once again, appealing to the court, see what you guys think.

Yep. I'm saying the California chicken sandwich. So on the ciabatta bread with the avocado and the bacon. Okay. Yeah. It's California chicken. It's like a roasted chicken. Oh, yeah.

That's totally fair. California chicken sandwiches. No, that's totally on point. Yeah. Totally fair. California chicken sandwich always is good. It's a refreshing sandwich. Sometimes they put the Swiss cheese on it.

It's never bad. There's not a combination you can have those things in the sandwich. I never go for that. I feel like. I go for it so much. Is it because you think you can make it? Yeah. Yeah, it feels like this is available.

It's never the same at home. A handmade sandwich will never taste as good a sandwich than anyone else makes for you. And skinless chicken breast, I don't have the skill to make that work at all. To just peel will never taste as good as a sandwich that anyone else makes for you. And skinless chicken breast? I don't have the skill to make that work at all. To just peel the skin off of a chicken? I believe you could if you wanted to. To make it good. You're never going to make a sandwich that's going to be as good as one

somebody makes for you. I truly believe that. 100%. I've tried. I've gotten the good ingredients. I've spent a lot of time making a sandwich. Yeah, and you're just like, fuck you Subway. And I'm like, that's going to be that good ass sandwich. I've put it on sliced I've spent a lot of time making a sandwich yeah and you're just like fuck you Subway and I'm like that's gonna be that

good ass sandwich and it's just never I put it like I slice pickles and put it on there and shit it's never as good the more accomplished

you are versus the more uneducated and fucked up the person making her food it never works yeah yeah

it's never worth some guy with you know scars and anguishes even if you paid yourself a theoretical minimum wage for the amount of time you spent making that sandwich, still not worth it.

I want my sandwich made by, like, a dude who's, like, racist. In college one time, we were obsessed with Rodeo cheeseburgers from Burger King, and we're like, we're going to make this shit. So we went and got, like, fancy-ass beef and, like, made beer-battered onion rings and, like, made our own barbecue sauce, got nice-ass bread, put it together.

It tasted... The burgers ended up being literally $18 a piece. Yeah. And they tasted exactly the same as the $1.99 version from Burger King. I don't know what the juju they got over there is. It was crazy. When we did the Taco Bell episode

and we lamented the end of the volcano sauce, there were people reaching out to us with like, oh, here's how to make the volcano sauce at home. Get that out of my face. I appreciate you as a listener and a friend. Don't send us that shit. It's never going to taste as good. Your mom dies, you send

another mom? Yeah. You send me another mom? That's not how it works. Oh, this one's almost as good? No. More like you have xanthan gum at home. Yeah. Like, fuck you. I don't have the MSG on hand to make these sauces.

It doesn't taste right without hydrogenated soybean oil, fools. And I'm not buying that. It might have been, the person who sent it in, too, might have been my friend Dirk Marshall. Shout out to Dirk Marshall. Shout out to Marshall's Hot Sauce, which is his company with his wife. They literally make sauce. Whoa.

It's so good, too. Oprah wrote about it and shit. Maybe that. So, like, maybe. You know what, Dirk? You're listening to this, and I know you are. Make volcano sauce and sell it, dude. Shit to us.

To us. And then some other people, too, like to keep up that back end, but make that sauce. Also, Dirk, if you are working on some sauce, kick your boy down some prototypes. I'll test it. I'll put it on some eggs.

I'll put it on tacos at home. I would love to be the prototype guy at any major fast food chain. You know how bad I want to get my two cents in? Like, if I could just, like, Taco Bell or anybody, Burger King, McDonald's, lifelong customer, I got some ideas. Bring back the BK Big Fish. Yes, yes. The BK Big Fish was my favorite.

They got rid of that? Yo. That's like the first thing I fell in love with. Yeah, the Big Fish was so good. Sandwich-wise. Sandwich-wise. I love the BK Big Fish. sandwich wise i love the beginning the the there's one mcdonald's down in san diego that used to be but i don't think they are anymore by my aunt's house yeah that was like the one where

one of the ones where they would sometimes roll out new shit like so they had lamb burgers one time what not very good yeah and table service one time like wait i remember when they were gonna try that shit. And it was weird. But when my cousins grew up, they were all the time being like, you know, they had like the shamrock shake before. I'd heard of it and shit like that. And I was just like, what are you talking about?

That's like how New York Arby's is doing this venison thing. And I can't get on board with that. I can't. Oh, venison from Arby's? That's so, it's already sad. What killed that deer? Yeah, when we did the cows. A truck. The Arby's truck. from Arby's? That's so, it's already saddening. What killed that deer? Yeah, when we did the cows. A truck.

The Arby's truck. The horsey sauce truck. Oh, we got this deer. Will they call it Bambi sauce? Yeah. Is the question. That just seems like you have to. Is Arby's good?

I've never had it. What? Yes. It's the best?? I've never had it. What? Yes. It's the best? Yes. Really? Here's the thing. Also, a lot of these Los Angeles people are going to try to make you feel bad about Arby's.

They're going to try to make you seem like it's gross. Fuck them. It's a shaved roast beef sandwich. It's just, that's all this? Just super thin, hot roast beef. For some reason, both The Simpsons and The Daily Show Made it their quest To talk shit about Arby's I don't get it No

I love Arby's It makes it seem like Trashy food Like it's just wet sandwiches But yeah It's wet sandwiches Yeah what else is Okay yeah

Cheese It has that like The fact that they put They spoon on the cheese Oh there's no spoons Or That's a hose Oh my god

Yeah they got a gun They got a cheese gun That was the most gangster way to approach Nacho cheese delivery ever There's no spoons This hose country Get this cheese It's like that same softness

As like a White Castle The consistency of the bread And the meat is the same The sandwich is its own drink. And then especially, they have no drink. Horsesauce and army sauce. Like one pack horsie. It's called a horsie sauce?

It's horseradish. It's like cheese with a Z. I'm sure. It's not horseradish. It's horsie. There's no horseradish. It's horsie. Horsish.

That's what we could do a 1990s stand-up bit about it. It's not horseradish. It's horsie. There's no horseradish. It's horsie. Horsish. That's what we could do a 1990s stand-up bit about it. It's not horseradish. It's horsie. Arby's Full Stop has the best fries, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Also, they have those weird hash brown triangles. Yeah, I love those.

And cheese sticks. Arby's is good. They get a little too ambitious where they're like, come on down and try the actual meat sandwich. And I'm like, no. The new shit's always wild. It is like they make their beef the way bologna is. It's perfectly round and perfectly uniform. So that is gross if you think about it.

Yeah, it's like Subway meat or something. But counterpoint to that, never think about it. Never think about it. Yeah, just eat it. No, Arby's is... Can't think. But counterpoint to that, never think about it. Never think about it. Yeah, just eat it. No, Arby's is... Can't think. We just talked about Arby's for 10 minutes. Even though you picked the California chicken sandwich.

Even though how many... Wait a minute. How many episodes of this show have you not talked about Arby's for 10 minutes? Not talked about Arby's? The one where you had that Obama speech writer. I don't think we covered it. I don't... Maybe not Pop Divas, but also maybe Pop Divas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel like Arby's is like a recurring, like Arby's is above Sean Jordan in terms of recurring characters. It is, it is. It goes David, Arby's, Chiswick somehow above Sean Jordan, and then Sean Jordan. I can't stop talking about Chiswick. I've still never even heard of anybody besides Sean who knows what it is. Regular listeners of the podcast will know that Chiswick is a deep fried steak dish.

Shout out to South Dakota. Kaseem Bentley, you can't pick chiswick because it's steak. But you can pick whatever you're going to pick next. Second choice, I think this one, no one was going to come up with this. Yeah. I think it's an original choice. Chicken tandoori oh

that was on my list I love Chicken Tandoori Tandoori is the oven right? it's the oven, it's a clay oven Chicken Tandoori is great it's called a Tandoor it's like red

it's red which makes it it's the blood of Indian, it is a tandoor. Yeah. It's like red. It's red, which makes it- The meat is red. Yeah, it's the blood of Indian people. That's what they do. They take all the lesser ones. God, that's so good. It's a British dish. Yeah.

It's fucking chicken tandoor is so good. It's always- It always hits the spot. It's got that spice. Yeah. That spice that goes so well with the yogurt sauce that you- Yeah. Because if you go to a place and you get the chicken tandoor and they bring out that array

of sauces and the tins. Yes. By the way, shout out to India for that tin game. I really enjoy all the tins. I really enjoy all the little tins with the individual sauces. Nobody else does that shit. They get it. I want a million sauces if I'm going to eat a meal.

It's through the roof, right? You go to Red Robin, you know, an American eatery. Yeah, what do you eat, ranch? And they bring the fries and like, here's your ranch. And you're like, can I just bring all eight of them? Let me bring all eight. Bring the fry sauce and the ranch and the barbecue and the honey. Bring all of them.

Because sometimes I want to put one end in barbecue sauce, the other end in ranch, flip the fry in half. Damn, how's this guy? It's starting at the Red Robin. It's a French fried sausage. It's a Tuesday. I didn't even know this kid could live like that. Double sausage. Yeah, chicken tandoori is good with some naan.

Yeah. Garlic naan. Yeah. Sometimes you'll get a tandoori and it's super dry. Like, you know, in the corner of the oven. That's why I was a little nervous bringing up, you know, the CT. You know what I mean? I didn't know about it because you get the little dry

yeah you can't give it back you know you can't they can't soften it up you know that's the thing no no no you put a little lemon on it

and then and a little pepper no but I know you mean a little lemon a little lemon it's fine but also I feel like implicit in all of this

is the good version. Yeah. You can get a bad version of anything. Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The good one. That's a great. That's a solid take.

I actually did not have any. I had all East Asian shit on my list. That was on my list because I took my brain on a trip around the world. I really. I took my brain on a list around the food court is what I'm looking at. God damn it. I made a lot of weird food court is what I'm looking at. God damn it. I made a lot of weird moves. Chicken tandoori is clutch.

I have gotten barf full, you know, sort of wet burp full on chicken tandoori. Oh, yeah. So many times before because of lunch buffets. Yes. All you can eat Indian buffets. Jesus Christ. Man, there was one up the street from my house. Shout out Star India Buffet on Geary.

I'm coming home. Shout out Star India Buffet on Geary. I'm coming home. It was run by a family, but it was $10 for the lunch one. And it was just like I was always so, so poor. But I'd be like, I didn't eat yesterday. I got $12.50 from the show last night. They passed the hat.

I'm going to live like a king. Oh, man, wet burp all day. All day. And the rice is good. It's good rice. They kill the rice. live like a king. Oh, man. Wet burp. All day. And the rice is good. It's good rice. They kill the rice. It's a jasmine. It's a basmati rice.

Basmati. Best in the game. Man, that's the good rice. It's probably, when we think about buffets, and the ones that have been always consistently good, Indian buffet. Indian. It's always the same thing.

I think that's the crown. It might be. Yo. Yeah. What's the piccata? They have the fried shit. the oh go ahead the bigger ones what are the bigger samosas i think here's the thing is with indian food or at least with the sauce based ones they're the best for a buffet because they can sit for the longest amount of time and still be perfect yes like it's just like a delicious swamp yeah if you ever i don't know if you've ever done it.

I don't know if you guys have ever lived like this. That is what a colonizer would say, sir. Delicious bong. I think I know what you're about to say. Do you ever mix the sauces? No. I'm saying sometimes I've been on some come home late. In my house in San Francisco, we couldn't have a microwave

because it was an old house. It would short out the house. Sure. So I've come home late at night and just ate Indian food cold. That's fine. And it's still good. It's the best. I love a Palak Paneer cold, which is that spinach with the peas.

Yeah, exactly. They knew what they were doing. They knew what they were doing. It's good in any weather, too. Yeah, well, because that's the whole the whole not the whole continent but enough of the food that we're familiar with is from places that were hot as fuck before refrigeration that's a good point shout out indian people yes yeah yeah indian people indian comics people that look there's the most of them i know and it's like a to them, too, because now they're getting caught up in Islamophobic shit.

They're like, we're not even. What? They're catching shrapnel from bombs that never should have set off in the first place. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Can't we all just eat some tandoori? Right? It's the oldest argument in the book, but, like, taste it. It's like, oh, you're racist?

Try this burrito. Like, you're still racist? All we need to know is Steve Bannon is like Tandoori. He's eating a ton of everything. I think Steve Bannon binges and purges. Really?

Yeah, I think he hates himself. Something about him looks like that. He doesn't purge too much. He doesn't purge because he hates himself. Something about him just looks like that. He doesn't purge too much. He doesn't purge enough. He doesn't purge because he's lazy. He's like once a week he purges. I mean, look, it's just some white people just seem lazy. That's all. I'm just throwing that out there.

Man, this podcast has really gone everywhere. I am lazy, I'll tell you. What I worry about is that I'm also lazy. Yeah, but that's for individual reasons My culture is not a costume, David Oh, man Oh, man What should I spit?

Andrew T We have to Yeah, we gotta pace it up a little bit Yeah, we gotta pace up Andrew, it's time You have two picks as it is I cannot believe you dumb motherfuckers Have left this on the table

Chicken McNuggets Oh fuck Fuck I'm about to throw this glass Through the window Right there The dumbest assholes I have ever

We don't have to get All personal now God damn bro You stupid Pieces of shit If y'all He just rolled up His sleeve

And everything The vein is going through his arm. The doctor said your mom should have had an abortion. I just feel like I took two gimme's off the board. Well, you had the first pick. That was desperate. But now I realize I had no need.

Chicken McNuggets is the best way to eat chicken where's your favorite nugget from that is a good question the one I get the most is the real crappy one

at Echo Park on Glendale Avenue across from the KFC Taco Bell at the McDonald's oh sorry the McNugget McDonald's chicken McNugget. Oh, the McNugget specifically. McDonald's Chicken McNugget. It is because it's different. Yeah, McNugget is like Kleenex. I should have clarified. The Chicken McNugget.

It is sweet and sour sauce. It is the goddamn best. And I will say this, the best shape is the one that's shaped like a boot. I do like that one. Because you scoop the sauce. Extra sauce. Yeah.

100%. Extra sauce. 100%. You know who else makes a mean nugget? And if I weren't personally boycotting them for five years, I maybe would have added more. Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A.

Chick-fil-A. But that's like real chicken. It is. It's a different story. You know who bridges the gap? Huh? Wendy's. Oh, Wendy's does.

Are those good? Wendy's is a good nugget. The spicy, the 99 cent spicy nuggets. I just like the way the breading is like its own kind of thing. You don't see it anywhere else. The McNugget is a unique piece. It's the craziest thing. Also, they stopped selling it a little while last year.

It's the craziest thing. Also, they stopped selling it a little while last year. They were selling an on-menu with a box with its own lettering of 50-piece. Wow. Yeah, I do remember that. Which I got one time, and I'm lucky to be alive. Was this your leaving Las Vegas or something? What was going on in your life? This is when I decided I'm not doing weight cuts for jiu-jitsu tournaments.

And I was like, I hate myself. And I hate myself decided I'm not doing weight cuts for jujitsu tournaments. And I was like, I hate myself. And I hate myself. I've done the 20 spot with regularity. Oh, the 20 was moving. I can eat 50, is what I'm saying. Because the thing is, you've got to eat them all because they don't save well. Oh, no.

We will say that. No strike against it, but it is not a good next morning thing. You can't re-bake a nugget and have it fried. No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work nugget and that's been fried before it's done. No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It cooks once. It's so bad cold.

That's how you know it's bad for you. It like becomes another thing. Well, we all know. I think a lot of us, since we're all pop culture people, that I'm amazed that you can eat 50 because the dude, Jamie Oliver, that cook or whatever, like he run this whole chicken tenders versus chicken nuggets. He did the whole pink slime video. Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'm fine with all that shit. Oh my God. And those kids, those little-. He did the whole pink slime video. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine with all that shit. Oh, yeah, the pink slime. Yeah, it's the pink slime. It's disgusting, isn't it? It's disgusting. How could you feed this to you and your family, the pink slime? Fuck off, Jamie Oliver.

Oh, my God. Damn it, dog. The pink slime scared me off for like a week And then I was back I'm back on all that shit Oh Mountain Dew makes your dick little Guess who drank it two weeks later Hold on wait wait wait what?

You never heard about that? No That explains it I don't I don't know I really I crossed my legs people I was just sitting there like I have a cold red in my back pocket right now

I was like what? Is that like have a cold red in my back pocket right now. I was like, what? Is that like? It was. I heard it killed your semen. That was the rumor in Beaverton, Oregon. It was in Tacoma, Washington. It was yellow five. Yellow five.

It was a Mountain Dew, and it made your wiener smell. Oh, for us, it made you sterile. I don't know why that was a concern. Which already makes me feel like it was just somebody's going after yellow five. It was definitely. It was yellow four. I read this thing about. I'm so about food conspiracies because I was just reading this thing about how the slander

against MSG was a conspiracy against popularization of Asians. Yeah, hell yeah, dog. I didn't know that. MSG is the bomb. Yeah, that shit is just good. MSG. It's just great. Doritos has MSG.

It doesn't eat your stomach lining? No, it's just great. MSG. Nah, MSGg there's something wrong with msg it's it's high in sodium but other than that here's the thing it's there's so many non-asian foods that have tons of msg and no one's ever like oh i got a headache after having like subway sandwiches it is racist um and uh msg the it's just the flavor of, oh, that was good. Yeah, it's a flavor enhancer, right? But you're like, that was good.

It's a flavor enhancer? Yeah. It's just made to make that shit pop. It never stopped me for a second. I'll say that right now. It's the sodium. It's the S is the bad part. The glutamate is the bomb.

The mono, though. Yeah, yeah. That's the worst. Give or take. Oh, Chicken McNuggets, third pick. I have to call. This is for the commissioner. Call the commish.

Korean wings. Okay. That is a different animal. That is very. I'm with you that it's different. Is it different? I think it's different than buffalo wings. Okay.

As the, you know, conflict of interest anyway, but I still say it's different. All right. I think Korean wings are different. I'm taking motherfucking Korean wings. Yeah. They're the best. And they're a little sweet. Yeah.

I can't believe you're nodding your head, David. No, wait. You don't like sweet which you eat, right? I do like Korean wings. So you allow this to happen. I don't like just super sweet. Like, I don't want, like, duck with orange sauce. Oh, yeah.

It's like a tangy. You know how Filipino food is, like, kind of? Filipino food is too yeah. It's like Italian. You know how Filipino food is like kind of? Filipino food is too sweet. Filipino food is disgusting. It's jungle food. I don't fuck with that, but I can do like a...

Although a longanisa, guys, check that out sometimes. Oh, wait, I've seen that. It's like Filipino sausage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that before. It's like an Italian sausage, but sweet somehow.

It's so good. Seriously, guys, we gotta go to Outback after this. Oh, Jesus Christ. Good lordy, this is being sexual. This is crunchy. It's like a... Isn't it?

It's like a... So the secret is, instead of using flour to bread it, you use either rice or potato starch. Oh. No, just like powdered starch. You can even use cornstarch, actually. And that shit doesn't make breading It's just crisp It's just like the crisp taste

Also this further reiterates cocaine fried chicken Cocaine fried chicken Can you, assistant, can you google If anyone's ever used the term cocaine fried chicken Because I feel like Gucci or somebody You know what I mean Somebody said cocaine fried chicken in a lyric I feel like, if not, we need to start making –

Oh, Bobby Brown did it. What? Yes. That's what he said. That's right. I'm about to – Right when you said that, I was like, oh, that does sound kind of familiar. God damn it.

When Bobby Brown was 10, he fried chicken with cocaine. Oh, God. And he became the leader of no addition. David's hat flew off. I don't even know if you did it with your hand. I think it just flew off on its own volition. I have been pushing for this idea of a black trivia night, like pub good night.

And this would be the one where who was the person that invented cocaine fried chicken? And no one would answer for years without internet. That is amazing. That explains why his life is the way it is bobby brown killed whitney houston god damn it i'm saying it god damn it i'm saying he was feeding her cocaine fried chicken you come and find me bobby if you hear this right now the counterpoint i would say if you asked 100 people who invented cocaine fried chicken upwards of 4 would say

Bobby Brown I feel like you get to 10 just off a guess guess someone guess someone I would love to have a great man on the street somebody would be like Bobby Brown what is the story behind this?

He says he was 10 years old, and That's way young to be fried chicken. He was unaware his mother sold cocaine to support the family, and while she was away, he decided to fry some chicken, a meal his mother taught him how to cook. He grabbed a bag of what he believed was flour to

cook the chicken. His mother would later return. Elated, he took the initiative and cooked dinner, but soon realized the mistake anyway. That's a hell of a- Wait, could you imagine that review? She took a bite and she was like, this boy put the work in the chicken. Yo, we need to go down to the J Spot of Comedy Union right now.

Yo, let's give it up to mom, though. Let's give it up to mom. She was selling big numbers out there to have a big bag. She didn't have Coke that he could fry it. And there's a link. Sierra Fears Future Wants to Murder Russell Wilson. That's true, though. I'll read that later.

I mean, obviously, the real inventor of cocaine fried chicken is Ronald Reagan. We all know that. Ronald Reagan. Yeah. Technically invented cocaine fried chicken. I feel like a real hotel black person right now. You got to understand, the government is putting cocaine in the chicken right now. You know what I'm saying?

The CIA made cocaine fried chicken. We got to get the cocaine. The Kathleen Bobby Brown. Oh, my God. To the point where it's like you would think someone could say, there's a certain chicken that's so addictive. Somebody told me, they put cocaine in Popeyes. I would be like, yo, that might be true, though.

I believe that. That's also Bobby Brown. That's where Cajun Sparkle is. Cajun Sparkle sounds like a nickname for cocaine. Or a stripper. Yeah, that sounds like a stripper that needs to give up. You know what I mean? That's my Cajun Sparkle is. Cajun Sparkle sounds like a nickname for cocaine. Or a stripper. That sounds like a stripper that needs to give up. That's my male stripper. Give it up for Cajun Sparkle.

I could be Cajun Sparkle. He's got big nipples. He's like too big now. He's got huge nipples. Nipples. He's got sweat after a minute or two. Come on now. Okay, so next one. Yo, yeah uh yo yeah oh yeah you went back to back

kassim it's time to build on the success of chicken tandoori i'm telling you man this one this one i'm taking it back man i'm taking it back to my roots taking about my childhood i think a lot of you guys could get with this and all you people out there listening right now let's see my people making under $15 an hour, struggling out there in these streets, Chicken Pie Pie. Oh! Damn! Yes!

Oh! Yeah, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here, man. I'm here. This will be the top rated episode. Solid picks, man. We're doing Marc Maron numbers right now, you motherfuckers. I'm going back. You don't know who you're fucking with right now.

I love like a frozen chicken pot pie. Oh, like the Marie Callender. The Marie Callender. She puts holes in it with a fork. But also the banquet, the dollar ones. Oh, yeah. I like to put cocaine on my dollar banquet one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're eating a dollar banquet, you probably need cocaine. You know, as a podcast crossover, how much money would you pay to listen to an episode where Marc Maron eats all of these foods? Marc Maron eating cocaine? Fried chicken?

Oh, my God. $100. For me, that's like $1,000. That's a fun drive. I would do like tides. I'd give like a weekly part of my income. Yeah! Boomer's dead, man! a thousand that's a fun drive i would do like tides i'd give like a weekly part of my income if he ate any of it he would eat the rest of it immediately the way he talks about food it's just like it's

god it's it's how druggy he talks about food. He makes me want to eat ice cream so bad. Yeah, and I don't even like ice cream, but he always talks about it like it's- Wait, what? I don't fuck with sweets that much. But ice cream is a whole other thing, bro. I don't, I'm never going to- You're a savory person.

Yeah, I'm a savory guy. I'm never going to go to the store and buy ice cream. Savory boys. Ain't no sweet boys here. Wow. That needs to be a hashtag, Savory Boys. Bro, you need to put that on there. The Savory Boys.

There's Curvy Boys. Now there's Savory Boys. Oh, like a sub? Yo. Like the Grape Street Crips? Listen, I feel like Tookie when he wrote the book. That was so funny. That was so funny.

The Grape Street Crips? It felt like a Netflix documentary. The Grape Street Cribs. I think it's like a Netflix documentary. The Grape Street Cribs. I honestly, the whole Kirby Boys thing really got away from me. Is Kirby Boys dead? No, it's just I'm like Tukey Williams. I'm over here. I want to write children's books.

I turned my back on the street life. He's eating ground turkey with baby carrots. I'm eating ground turkey. I'm trying to make these moves. And then people are tweeting me like, hey bro, drink some butter just for you

or some shit. I mean, that's not, that's not what they're saying. That's so sad. I'm not denouncing them. I just feel like there's different moves

that Curvy Boys can make other than sweating everywhere. Curvy's a state of mind as much as it is body. I think it is. And I'm in these streets. Chicken pot pie is a curvy pick. It's delicious.

That's so good. I love when just the roof collapses finally and you just mix it all together. Yeah, I've never had a bad one. I had one when I was a teenager that blew my mind. I had a curry chicken pot pie. Oh. Like for the lads. I became a man then.

It's a British shit. That is for the lads. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Excellent. I became a man then. That's British shit. That is for the lads. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Excellent pick. David Borey. I am going for the next one.

I'm going pollo asada. Pollo asada. Roast slow roasted Mexican chicken. Okay. When they slow roasted the shredded, like carne asada. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Taco truck. Pollo asada is, okay, okay. Taco truck.

Taco truck. Oil asada is delicious. On everything. That shredded. The sauce, because it allows for a deeper sauce penetration. Yeah, they let it soak. Which is important. Yeah.

You know, when you can get sauce on more of the chicken, it becomes a saucier chicken. It's not just on the top of it. 100%. And you actually need that second tortilla, which sometimes feels like, why is this here? Yeah, only when you get a soda. I feel like if you get like barbacoa or something,

it's like, you're covered. But you get that sloppy, sloppy, sloppy polloa soda. That's that good drunk. That's a great drunk for you. Oh, man. Fuck. Close your eyes when you bite it. It's a shredded chicken with the green.

I like it with the green chili sauce. Yeah, and then I squirt a little lime on it. I have the lime right there. The tiny lime. Yeah. Are those key limes? I don't know what those are. I don't know what they're doing.

They might even just be baby limes. Is it just little limes? Tiny ass limes. I love a place that gives you the limes and then you get the radishes and maybe even like a little jicama too. I just eat the radishes like chips. I don't know where they go in the food. That's right. radishes like chips. I don't know where they go in the food. That's right. Yeah, I don't even think they know

where it goes in the food. It's some unspoken thing you just keep doing and I don't know. I put them on the tacos for some reason. Really? Maybe that's what you're supposed to do. Does it add something to you? It's more of a texture than a flavor. There's so much going on. It's a big parade. It's hard to see one float.

I just need to tell myself I had a vegetable. And I so much going on. It's a big parade. It's hard to see one float. I just need to tell myself I had a vegetable. That's a good And I'm like a radish. If you ate a whole vegetable that counts as a serving, right? Oh, yeah. I think so. A whole radish? You know what I do sometimes now to get my vegetables in? If I'm in the kitchen getting water

I just put my hand in the spinach bag just cram. Just cram a handful. Force it down. Just a spin cram. Just cram Just cram a handful Force it down Just a spin cram Spin cram Yeah You got a couple times a day My pee smells great

I'll pop an That plus the The asparagus That yeah Are you an asparagus Does it make your pee smell weird Yeah Me too

Dude I just realized It does for everyone right There's people There's a segment of the population The same people who taste like Can't taste cilantro Or hate cilantro That makes it smell like soap yeah really

joe mandy is one of those people yeah you can't eat cilantro it tastes like soap yeah i've heard of that yeah i understand what the smell of cilantro i understand how it could do that to people yeah i like cilantro i do too it's just like a different gene a sad gene to have. Gene Wilder R.I.P. Alright, so my pick. Excellent. Pollo Asada. Time for me to make back-to-back picks. My third and fourth. With my third one, I think I'm going to take

the spicy chicken sandwich. Specifically, I'm going to go with the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich. Damn it, Ian! A bigoted chicken sandwich. Specifically, I'm going to go with the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich. God damn it, Ian! Yes! A bigoted chicken sandwich. But only from the one in L.A.

where I've heard they donate to progressive charities. Yeah, there's one in goddamn West Hollywood. Yeah. The Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich. I fucking love it. I love the spicy chicken sandwich with a little bit of mayonnaise. Do you get the cheese?

Yeah, cheese too. The cheese? Yeah, you get a cheese on there. I also like a spicy chicken from McDonald's. Yep. It's a good fucking sandwich. Okay, come on. Now you can't take all the spicy chicken.

That's the same spicy chicken sandwich. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, yeah. All right. Yeah, you're wild. You're wild. I'm wild. You're wild.

Breaded. Breaded. Like a. You're wild. You're wild. I'm wild. You're wild. Breaded. Breaded. Like a mayonnaise-based sauce. Yes. Iceberg lettuce. Yes. Yes. Iceberg lettuce is crucial.

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's got to be garbage lettuce. It's got to be the iceberg kind. Just to sort of blend in there. I don't want arugula on my chicken sandwich. Don't even talk to me about arugula on a chicken sandwich. Maybe on your California one, though. I wouldn't mind that little spiciness.

Yeah, but that's special. That's for California. You need that water. Jesse, I just need that water. Because Lord knows I'm not going to be drinking it. What's the most water food? It kind of is like that. What's the most water food?

Yeah, like a bun with no frills, iceberg lettuce, mayonnaise-based sauce, spicy chicken. Yeah. Ooh. Man. Ooh,, spicy chicken. Yeah. Ooh. Man. Ooh, it's good. Yeah.

That's a timeless combination. What's the weird sauce they have at fucking Chick-fil-A? Like some Polynesian shit? Poly sauce. The Polynesian sauce. What is that? I don't know. It's sweet, too, though. I don't fucking know how much either.

But it feels like it's similar to sweet and sour. I don't know. They make it sound like they're trying to do some extra shit. That is a little bit extra. Like the characters in Moana are rocking with some Pauly sauce. I've never heard. I've never had a Pacific Islander friend. The rock isn't like, you know, though, what I do miss from the island.

You know what I do miss? Is that Pauly sauce. I have to work out a lot, but any time I get a cheat day. On my cheat day, it's all Pauly sauce on everything. Pauly sauce. I have to work out a lot, but anytime I get a cheat day. On my cheat day, it's all Polly. Polly sauce on everything. Polly sauce is just for people who go to Chick-fil-A, can't afford a dessert, so they just steal a bunch of Polly sauce. Yeah, like the honey packets at KFC. Yeah. Chick-fil-A.

Do you think Chick-fil-A tastes better because you know you're not supposed to support them? No, because it tasted great before I knew they didn't like gay people. I had never had it until, because there weren't any in Oregon, I'd never had it until they were evil. Yeah, same. Yeah, same. Dude, back in the day, Chick-fil-A bliss, back when you didn't know. Yeah. God.

Simpler times, man. Oh, man. They are. I did last, like, three months on the boycott, and I was like, I got to go back. I got to go. I'm sorry. Well, thankfully, it's inconvenient.

Yeah. So you don't go a lot. But if I lived around there, I would go more. I'd be fucked. And I know that about myself, and I feel bad. Yeah, I've lived super far. Yeah. I've never had that stuff.

So is that good to hate gay people? Correct. It's so good. It makes you homophobic. It's so good, though. It is crazy. So when you bit into it, you're like Stonewall. No, I didn't.

You're like, fuck it. They used to. I went to a junior high school where they had Chick-fil-A at the junior high school. Oh, so Chick-fil-A has been around. Yeah, and then at high school, they would have Chick-fil-A at the junior high school. Oh, so Chick-fil-A has been around. Yeah, and then at high school they would have Chick-fil-A on Tuesdays and you could either

get the sandwich or the nuggets but it was like really expensive. Yeah, yeah, good. People really fuck with Chick-fil-A. People fuck with Chick-fil-A.

It's delicious. And it's fuck-withable. I know a person and they got waffle fries and they're lemonade. Oh, the waffle fries are delicious. Yeah, somebody told me

about this. I remember there's one comic he would only go to San Jose. He hated going to San Jose, but he only went because there was no Chick-fil-A in San Francisco. And would just go to do the gig and would not get paid, was kind of poor, and would go to Chick-fil-A and just tear down. Yeah, it doesn't even taste like fast food. It tastes like restaurant food. How far would you take it with Chick-fil-A?

If Chick-fil-A was like giving money to Zimmerman. Dude, if they didn't like black people, I'd still eat it sometimes. I mean. I know. It must be good. This must be. I've eaten at establishments where I know that they have different opinions on the Jews than me. Yeah.

I mean, look. I know. It's like it's on the menu. The Holocaust wasn't real. I'm not a Zionist by any means. It's like it's on the menu. The Holocaust wasn't real chicken sandwich. I'm not a Zionist by any means, but I know I've gone to some places where people have said some shit about Jews in not hushed tones and been like, well, whatever. It's hard to eat chicken sandwiches. They're hot.

I love Dunkin' Donuts. They got pine nuts in the hummus. I'm going. Pine nuts in the hummus. I mean, look, at the end of the day, the CEOs of every major chicken corporation don't love black people. Or they wouldn't want them. They at least wouldn't want them in their country. Yeah, exactly. Kind of thing.

I've eaten a ton of food that's been made by racists. Yeah. Yeah. If you didn't do that, what would you eat? I mean, good food comes from racism. Yeah. if you didn't do that what would you eat I mean good food comes from racism like I nah man like think like in the

like I'm coming from black Muslims and I ain't gonna be with Nation of Islam we go to black Muslim bakery what I'm just kidding

I'm about to be like man oh fuck I'm about to flip this table over man god damn it with my bad arm you know but the food is good

black Muslim bakery is good then you buy the paper and the paper is like, kill white people. You've got to make a choice. Like, this bean pie, which I don't know what it's made of. It's so good, though. Yeah.

I'm comfortable with those politics. There you go. It's like, damn. Little sweet, little hate. Little sweet with the hate. I don't like any sweet with my hate. I don't like any sweet with my hate. It was right there for you.

Come get a shag right now. I don't like sweet with my hate. I don't like any sweet with my hate. It was right there for you. Go get a shag right now. I don't like sweet with my hate. All right. Now, before I unveil the next pick after the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich, here's a word from our sponsor. Today's episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by our friends at Squarespace. Make your next move with Squarespace. And when you want to make your next move, you're going to need a website. So also, make your website with Squarespace.

Squarespace makes it so easy to make a website. They have beautiful, award-winning designer templates. You can make, like, a normal website where you're just showing pictures of, like, a yam you grew. Like, you've gotten a yam growing, and you're like, look at this picture of my yam. It's DarylsYam.com. Or you can make an online store. Here's some t-shirts that advertise the gigantic yam I just grew. They also have an all-in-one platform, which makes it so easy.

There's nothing to install or patch or upgrade ever. You don't have to be a computer genius to use it. Things are never going to go wrong because you don't have to upgrade stuff. But if they do go wrong, they also have award-winning 24-7 customer service. That's right. They won an award.

I had no idea there were customer service awards, but Squarespace does because they have one. It's probably on some guy's desk. You know, his kid comes to visit him at work and he's like, Dad, what's that?

Or Mom, Mom, what's that? Oh, it's my, it's my Squarespace customer service award. You know, and then he's proud as punch. He's just so stoked for his mom. Speaking of stoked, one thing I'm stoked about is the unique domain experience that Squarespace offers. And it's flexible for any kind of website. Whether you're creative, you want to start a business, you're a musician, designers, artists,

you own a restaurant, use Squarespace to make the restaurant's website. So if you want to give Squarespace a try, start your free trial today at squarespace.com and enter offer code ALLFANTASY to get 10% off your first purchase. Again, squarespace.com and enter offer code ALLFANTASY for 10% off your first purchase. Back to the episode. And we're back, just in time for me to make my fourth pick. And with my fourth pick, ooh, it's tough. It's tough.

I don't know exactly where to go with this, but I think I have to shout out Sue Carmel. Oh. Shout out Sue Carmel. My mother in Portland, Oregon. Shout out Sue Carmel. Shout out Sue Carmel. My mother in Portland, Oregon. Shout out Sue Carmel. Up in Portland, Oregon. Listener of the pocket. Big fan of David Borey. I'm so glad.

She's sweet. She's been catching up. And I have to pick my mom's chicken cacciatore. Okay. Which is an Italian chicken. It's so good. It's to be eaten on top of spaghetti. Invented, of course, by

Francesco Spaghetti. It's like a stewed tomato. There's artichoke hearts in there. All sorts of other Italian seasonings that I'm not privy to. What is Italian seasoning? Just various Italian seasonings. What are they?

Basil, oregano, and basil. Yeah, that's a lot of the common ones. If you say various Italian seasonings? What are they? Basil, oregano, and basil. Yeah, that's a lot of the common ones. But if you say various Italian seasonings, I always order stuff. No, but do you know what it is? If you get a thing at the spice rack that says Italian seasoning, as opposed to one basil, one whatever.

If you get the Italian seasoning thing, you know what the unwritten secret ingredient in that bottle of mixed spices is. MSG. It's fucking MSG. It's the thing that makes shit taste better. A time with a dash of agency. I'm gonna sell the glutinous.

Just like a mama used to make back in the Beaverton, Oregon. That's an MSG. Yeah. So, two Carmel's chicken cacciatore. Two Carmel's chicken cacciatore. It's delicious. You put it on spaghetti.

It's so good. Just as a question, what was she rocking as a side dish on that? Like a French bread? That's usually, you're going to do a salad. How many side dishes do you need? It's fucking chicken. It's stewed chicken over spaghetti. It's stewed chicken over spaghetti, and then it's a salad.'s a bread okay yeah i'll give you the bread but we have the bread

i want to look at me we have the bread yeah check your tablecloth yeah twirl your mustache two dogs sharing spaghetti his mom learned how to play the goddamn accordion to set the ambiance. What the whole experience? It comes with a fat guy who drops the last vowel off of every Italian dish. What is that about, by the way? If I interrogated you guys about the lemon pepper experience in the black community, if I had an Italian here, I'd be like, why is it gabagool?

They're always like, rigatone. Yeah, it gabagool they're always like rigatone why is it not rigatone-y for you rigatone, lasagna, mozzarella it's like a southern thing I think you know who knows this comedian Max Silvestri I'd have him on sometime

he knows his Italian American like he's Italian American I want to know the answer because that does happen I think it's like some shit He knows his Italian-American, like, he's Italian-American. I want to know the answer, because that does happen. I think it's like some shit, like, it's like fucking Sicilian or something. It's not everywhere, but then, like, American-Italians just started doing it. Just started doing it. When they do it, I'm always like, ooh, how authentic. Yeah, right?

I'm like, yeah, this guy. This guy's talking to me. A little mozzarella. You guys need to invite, like, Sebastian Mascalo. You know what I mean?. A little mozzarella. You guys need to invite Sebastian Mascalo. Oh, yeah. The guy that makes everything so... Mascalo! Why do you do this?

Why would it? Why would bits? I can't believe he's committed himself to that kind of act. You gotta. You gotta go Life is Beautiful on shit. Yeah, yeah. You gotta do it. That would be a great remake.

Life is beautiful starring Sebastian Mascala. Why? Why? Why? Why would you? Why would you? Why? Why would you?

Oh, yeah. Catch My List is getting picked clean. Chicken Cacciatore. I'm sure you have Sue Cremel's Chicken Cacciatore on there. David, it's time for your fourth pick. Are we doing five? We're going to go through. We're going to go through five.

Okay. Yeah. The fifth round will be a lightning round, though. My fourth pick, Chicken Adobo. Oh. Yeah. You're just making stuff up. I got it on the list.

He wrote it down. It's second. It's under-broasted chicken. Let me see this. Isn't that a Filipino dish? Yeah. That shit is a little sweet, isn't it?

It's a little sweet. Claro Cane made me some at her house the other day. Oh, God. And something about when you make, when it's made by Filipino hands.

That's that soy sauce. What are you, Ben Carson over here? These magical Filipino hands. It's always like, it's like stewed. It's always like it's like stewed it's always it's always juicy because my whole thing about chicken is like as long as it's not dry i'm usually down i love when it just saunters off the bone and that happens on it yeah yeah yeah it's just like it's out of here it's like the chicken and the bone have an open relationship you know you hold it you can hold it four inches from your face

and you just inhale and it comes off your chest. You eat it like Kirby. It's just soy sauce, garlic, and vinegar. But I was in a relationship

with a woman that was part Filipino and she would make this and I would always watch her make this for her kids and I would be like, this don't look like it's gonna be anything. You put

you dump in all this vinegar and all this abusive amount of soy sauce. It's a lot of soy. Maybe some tomato then the chicken and she then it would be in there half the day I'm like ain't it done? And then she'd take it off and it's literally falling off. It's falling apart

like a black dude in court. You know what I mean? It gets sitting there. It gets sitting there. And her kids would just eat it like maniacs, like those hungry little hostages. And don't put the rice with the extra juice. Man, shoot. I mean, I think his dick got hard.

You know what I mean? His dick got hard. He was eating it, man. It was great. It looked great. You never ate it? I don't eat meat. Oh, that's right.

I haven't had meat since I was like 16, but I had a lot of shit. You are holding it down on this fucking ground. This is a plot twist I didn't know about. But I had a rich full life. You don't drink alcohol. His name is Kasim Jamal. I didn't know about the- I know.

Is it not Bentley? It's Bentley. It's Kasim Jamal. Okay, okay, okay. But I had a rich, okay, okay, good. But I had a rich, full, meat-filled life until I... All right.

Yeah, until I was in my meat inversion program. The fact that you're picking all these delicious chicken dishes. It's crazy. I'm a worldly dude, man. That's so much more impressive. You're like a priest

talking about ladies he's had sex with. Yeah. This is like a young guy. Let me tell you something about Korean life. That's what I'm saying. You're doing all this. I'm going to my inner Google. That's what I'm saying.

You're doing all this. I'm going to my inner Google. You know what I mean? I'm going back when I was 13 with my dad going on these worldly little trips. I'm sticking with the list that I came in with. You're flipping back and forth, man. You're swiping left, right. You're on chicken tender.

He's Lisham. I don't Lisham. I don't Lisham. You can list any way you want. I love lists of any size. Let's see what you add to your list next in this new reality we all live in.

Dig into your memory palace. After I hit this one, somebody about to listen to this and yell domino after this one. I'm going to say super chicken burrito. Fuck! Fuck! Y'all don't know who you fucking with over here!

I live this! I'm from the streets! You know what I mean? No, I'm not from the streets. Most of my parents had high class jobs. Shout out to my mother. Right there. Right there.

Yeah, super chicken Burrito, man. If you guys also don't know about how good the burritos are in San Francisco. No. Well, I know a little bit. I know a little bit about the Mission Burrito. Yeah, you got to go to Mission. I say if you're going, I say Cancun. A lot of people say Farolito.

Is Cancun the one? What was the show? Cancun is across the street from the dark room? Yeah. Cancun is the one. Across the, where was the show? Cancun is across. The Dark Room? Yeah. Cancun is the one. Have you been there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Across the street from the Dark Room.

Yes. That place is fucking clutch. That was good. I think it gets pumped up a little too much. Well, there's also Guadalajara in the Outer Mission. Yes. See, that's what I'm talking about. If you want to lace up your boots and really go for it.

What makes a super chicken burrito super? Well, it's got the avocados. Like, they carve out the avocados. Got the shredded lettuce. Shredded lettuce. Beans. Beans. Wrap it together.

And all that shit. And just wrap it up. I could watch you do that pantomime of making a burrito all day. That was the best. When you see it being made, your night is complete. You eat that and you aren't drunk anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's over. You was the best. When you see it being made, your night is complete. You eat that and you aren't drunk anymore. Yeah.

Yeah. It's over. You can reverse that This is what you know is good in San Francisco. There are people who I see in the mission district who I know have thriving lives,

but I've seen them walk home with two burritos and chips and salsa, and you think they're going to the rainbow room. You know what I mean? They're like, what are you doing?

I've got my burrito. And you understand that they're just going to be like, go home, I mean? They're like, what are you doing? I'm on my brain. And he understands it. He's like, go home, eat those 3,000 calories, and have fun, and not have sex with your girlfriend because you're too fucking tired. Because you're pregnant. You're sitting there like this burrito baby.

I've been on the bus with the burrito, and it's like a baby. You're just waiting. When I get home, I'm going to fuck you. If somebody said, it's like a baby acting up in public. When I get home, I'm going to fuck you up. If somebody- It's like a baby acting up in public. When I get home, I'm going to fuck you up. If somebody came up to me and said, hey, man, hey, man, is he your girl or the burrito? I would push her to the ground.

And I was like, it wasn't anything. You wasn't even my girl anyway. You know what I mean? And take the burrito home. All burrito. Not all these jokes are going to work. That's how a lot of relationships have ended that way. In a burrito.

Yeah. So you have a revisionist history wherein the burrito thief comes in and was like, you're a woman of your life or you're a burrito. And you're like, well. Most of my relationships are crap. It wouldn't take much. A twix or the girl. We heard you describing your girlfriend's kids.

There's little demons. Oh, my God. Little demons getting that adobo. The super chicken burrito, it's an excellent pick. Fuck, it is good, especially in the mission. That's a good burrito. Yeah, man. Andrew, it is time for your fourth and fifth picks,

as it is a serpentine draft. Serpentine. All right, guys. I went three Normal ass Crowd pleasers You did So now I'm going All heart

Yes Fuck Fuck Trying to win fans You're way harder Than on the podcast I listen to man God damn

No well I've been Listening to this podcast All fantasy You gotta come hard In the all fantasy room You're like Rush Hour 2 Over here man You're coming straight

All right. Sun's out, guns out. You have to be fucking hard in the all fantasy arena. Yeah, this is- You can't come in here with some Tiffany's or some bean burritos. Although I'm about to lose the listeners, but I don't care. We'll see. Number four is roasting a capon for Thanksgiving.

I don't even know what that's called. I knew you wouldn't. What are you talking about? Is that a sex move? Here's a fucking capon for thanksgiving i don't even know what that's right i knew you wouldn't what are you talking about sex move here's a fucking capon a capon is a castrated rooster so it gets all fat and like full of like fluids and like estrogen or whatever so you know like the way like like eunuchs like that dude in game of thrones yeah really big in fact because he has no balls, that also happens to chickens. So if you take the balls off a rooster before it hits puberty, it grows up to be really big and fat, about the size of a turkey, and you can order from a specialty, very annoying store in L.A.

around Thanksgiving time, a capon, and it's just a better Thanksgiving. It will fix your Thanksgiving. That's a deep cut. It's like a 14 pound chicken. Yo, this dude just changed the game. I'm sorry. I've got to start asking more questions about who you are as a person.

So the balls get cut off and the it gets fat it's a little Hannibal Lecter chicken man oh yeah it's real fucked up as far as like things you can do I mean even if you get a free range capon you still

gotta feel a little bad about yourself but it is so much better than a turkey and it looks exactly the same as a turkey. It's so good. Dude, I was out here. It will fix your things. That's amazing.

I thought I knew all the advances in chicken technology. Same here. No, but this is like some old English shit. It's English? It is. I've got to imagine. How do you spell it? C-A-P-O-N.

Okay, like a Capone. It goes back to ancient China and the Greek and Roman empires. People have been... It's a Caligula when he says shit. That is a good endorsement. Caligula did it with his mouth. Yeah, well, he would waste no part of the chicken, testicles included, of course. That's amazing. Shakespeare wrote about capons, and as you like it.

Yeah, they are the jam. Oh, and all the world is a stage monologue. Fun. All I'm saying is, you never have to have dry-ass turkey again. And if you don't tell your family, they won't even know. It costs about a dollar more a pound. I'm going to get capons into the mix. At some point, I'm one of the eight nights of Hanukkah. It costs about a dollar more a pound. I'm going to get capons into the mix. At some point. I promise.

On one of the eight nights of Hanukkah. It will fix your Thanksgiving. The fourth night is the capon night. I got to make that move. And it's so much easier to cook than a turkey because you have to think about it. It is turkey sized. Yeah, they're huge. Some of them are kind of small. But if you order one and just say I want it to be 14 pounds or whatever,

they'll get you a big ass chicken. Oh, they eat it on Christmas in Tuscany that's all I've ever wanted right me too just a Tuscan Christmas one year we'll have a Tuscan Christmas man yeah that's the next draft

best Tuscan Christmas 98 and then for my final final pick I'm kicking every fan out of the

helicopter I hate all of you dim sum chicken feet oh no shit I intend to lose the crowd

that is I am a dim sum I love dim sum I love dim sum too no one likes the chicken feet I've never been able to go there

here's the thing with the good chicken feet first of all if you like the flavor you just like the flavor But I have gotten to the point Where I'm like some Like I can Heathcliff it Like I can put the whole thing in my mouth

And pull out a skeleton Like he did with the fish And that I assume means I'm good at oral sex I think so But I don't know. Wait a minute. How do you go from thinking the bone up knowing that you could go down on some dude?

It's like the disgusting... It's like the disgusting version of tying a cherry stick. Oh, you never go to prison. Oh, you never go to prison, dog. Disgusting her version. Man, you was on that podcast, son of a... Andrew, it's not a date where you put the chicken in front of your mouth and then put the bones down.

He's like, waggle my eyebrows, like impressed. You're the reason why they make those websites about assholes on Tinder. That is me. That's amazing. He has a podcast. What does it taste like? It tastes like sauce.

Look, if you like chicken skin, and sauce it's that i would need you to hold my hand and not figuratively i would literally hold my hand the entire time yeah yeah are you a toe sucker no i mean i would i suppose right but i mean i'm not shaming i'm not a i'm not a list shamer i'm not a toe suck shamer i'm not i'm not a list shamer. I'm not a toe suck shamer. I'm not that. It's just a very interesting choice. No, here's the thing, though. It's very ethnic.

It's very ethnic. You just have to be a Chinese-American person with a point to prove. Every time I go to Dim Sum, I see six or seven tables where they got the chicken feet there. It is. It's always like the Chinese family at the Dim Sum place. when it's good and i'm afraid i'm afraid i've had cow tongue and all sorts of here it is i'm afraid i am afraid throw out yeah just get it because each thing at dim sum costs between a dollar fifty and three dollars and just try one all right i'll do it for you it's it is when it's. When it's bad, it is quite bad.

But when it's good, it is the best. All right. It's my favorite shit, and I know it's no one else's favorite. I appreciate you closing on that. I feel so much more nervous about the idea of eating chicken feet than I ever did about doing stand-up on TV or anything like that. It really makes me more nervous. But I'm going to try it.

Yeah, you got to try it. I got to try it. You made me. I'm going to pick with my heart for the last one. Me too. That was straight heart. Kasim, it's time for your final pick, Kasim. Your final secret vegetarian pick.

Morning Star Farms. That is, I will say, is a meat alternative. Morning Star Farms is good. Those are shockingly good. I like those. Yeah, that's why it kind of feels like. What's the buffalo chicken that they have? That's good Morning Star Farms. I'm telling you, it gets to the point you're like, do I even that. Yeah, that's why it kind of feels like... What's the buffalo chicken that they have? That's good morning story.

I'm telling you, it gets to a point you're like, do I even need... But look, I eat this way, but I still know that meat is... I know it's great. You know what I mean? I just don't... I can't deal with it. The one I have is something that was one of my mom's best dishes. It was a baked chicken stuffed with rice.

Stuffed. She was big on stuffing. She was big on just cramming shit in a bird until you get two. So my mom would do it. She had a sharp knife. She would cut it open and just quarter it. Usually you make your own rice, like a spicy rice or southern rice or rice roni and it was just a but didn't but here's the thing she would take the grease and make these the pan dripping sauce see all you single guys guys cooking your family

making sauce of the pan drippings the sauce is another level that's that gq magazine so when you can do the pan dripping stuff, you still might not get laid, but it will be very impressive still. You know what I mean? He's right. My mouth literally just filled with saliva when you said pan dripping. It's so ill. Pan dripping sauce, man.

So there you go. Oh, God. Damn. I'm just throwing the pan drippings out like a fucking virgin. Yeah. You got to save that shit in a jar. Your finger was one finger, man. I'm trying to teach you how to do it. Find the, go on our knees where it feels like a walnut. You got to save that shit in a jar. Your finger was one finger, man. I'm trying to teach

you how to do it underneath. Find the, go underneath where it feels like a walnut, you know what I mean? Oh, no. Stuffed chicken.

That's so good. David, your final pick. Mine, final. Listen, all you boring heads out there, I know this wasn't our day. I understand.

I'm going to close it off near and dear to my heart. My mom used to always make it. Love it so much. Chicken fettuccine Alfredo. Oh, yes. Always good. Hell yeah. Always good.

Always good. So good. It's never not. When have you ever had it be bad? It's so delicious. You get that shit at Olive Garden. You can get it at Salad Tomatoes. The get that shit olive garden oh i love it the cheaper the better almost yeah no the never-ending pasta bowl yeah magianos magianos we talked about

magianos earlier today yeah i love magianos and now chicken parm did not get picked chicken oh shit not yet no i'm the only one with a pick left yeah okay now i'm really curious to see how you're gonna i might i was i was planning on doing something insane yeah but you have to i hope my heart was broken when you when i found out how bad alfredo is for you yo it's like drinking cream it's crazy i i the other day i was like oh i got those like spiralizer things to make zucchini noodles oh yeah sometimes i'm gonna talk fast so i was like i made zucchini noodles and then i looked in my fridge and i had leftover roast chicken the cream i use for my coffee yeah and cheese and i was like i'm gonna make zucchini noodle chicken alfredo whoa it was so fucked up

i mean it was fine it's good it's good to just cheesy coffee mate or something like that yeah well I mean it wasn't like sweet or anything but it was raw what was missing from it

what was missing from it I mean noodles I guess and not using cream I understand man sometimes all the ingredients are there but it just doesn't

come together it was so ill it kind of like separated a little bit and I was. And I was still under some insane delusion that this was relatively healthy. Yeah, you're like, well, I got the zucchini noodles.

Yeah, there's no carbs in it. I cooked it. Coffee creamer. Tastes like hazelnut. A little sweet. A little sweet with my meat. Just that fake ass hazelnut flavor oh my god that one is

such an attack to your body you're gonna have like explosive diarrhea the next day I feel like your body deserved

like god would be looking at you like you idiot my body was like no fuck all of you that did this

all my personalities alright I'm coming through with my final pick. And it is crazy. And you guys might not even let me pick it, but pretend I'm making this pick and then running out of the room.

Scrambled eggs. I was thinking an egg thing. You motherfucker. I forgot. Come on. That is the best. That is... You're throwing a flag up there. That is That is Flag He's throwing a flag Up there

That is That's dirty No I like that That's dirty This is your Bean burrito Scramble eggs No I disagree

Assistant Scrap this episode Dump that in the trash Say something went wrong You know you got a virus You scrambled eggs Come on man You scrambled eggs That's cheating bro She's an engineer Not virus. You scrambled eggs. Come on, man. She's an engineer, not an assistant.

And scrambled eggs for my last pick. Oh, no, no, no. This was always part of my big scrambled eggs diversion. Yeah, you're like the Trump of legislation. Scrambled eggs with a little bit of cheese, a little bit of Tillamook. I don't care what you eat it with.

I'm 100% fine. I was going to say a Denver omelet and then I forgot. Damn. What is a chicken? What is an egg? Eggs is the loophole. Eggs is perfect. This is why it's his podcast.

It's allowed, obviously. It's not my bean burrito. I picked it fifth, by the way. I didn't pick it first overall. I didn't come out the gate on the chicken draft like, scrambled eggs. I dropped it fifth, by the way. I didn't pick it first overall. I didn't come out the gate on the chicken draft like, scrambled eggs. I dropped it fifth. It's like my hidden track. You're like Red Dragon.

You're like Hannibal Lecter. You just really, you play, you use those stuff, but you kind of associate it. You're making a man use his own brain. Give it up, people. Give it up. That was ingenious, man. Thank you.

So wait, let's hear the recap of all of them. All right, so to go through all the picks, Andrew, you picked first. You took fried chicken, and then chicken McNuggets, and then Korean chicken wings, and then capon, and then dim sum chicken foot. Kasim, you want sweet and sour chicken, chicken tandoori, chicken pot pie, super chicken burrito, and then chicken and rice with the pan drippings. David Borey, you went with broasted fried chicken, California chicken sandwich, pollo asada, chicken adobo, chicken fettuccine alfredo, and then Ian Carmel went buffalo chicken wings,

zankow chicken, Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich, chicken cacciatore, scrambled eggs. Damn it. When you read the whole list, then I'm like, damn, Ian did slay. That was good. Mine is like around the world, man.

I'm very impressed, David. I'm a man of many colors. But that was Ian's, though. That was masterful. You had that in the back. Yeah, that was... It's like you had trickful you had that in the back yeah that was you had it's like you had

trick dice I did I did I knew the whole time you did like an Ocean's Chicken 11 you know what I mean I took the long view

you have to call this episode Ocean's Chicken 11 Ocean's Chicken 11 I will David Borey Kasim Badly Andrew T thank you so much

for participating in the chicken fantasy draft. Thank you to our listeners for tuning in. Thank you to our sponsor, Squarespace.

And tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Get the capon ready! Ha ha ha! that was a hate gun podcast