All Fantasy Everything - Christmas (w/ Emma Arnold, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 13, 2018

I don't draft a lot for Christmas, there are just five things I need (and I) I didn't want to draft alone for Christmas, so I had Sean Jordan, David Gborie and Emma Arnold joining me. I just want you to download, listen at work or on the drive home. It's crazy but it's true, we drafted Christmas even though I'm... a Jeeeeeew.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-longs episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingEpisode Guests:Emma Arnold @iamaroadtrip IG: @sleevehampsterFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is getting over a second cold. A second cold. Damn. And now it's got kind of a scratchy voice. But it's like your voice on the rocks. It's my voice on the rocks.

Straight no chaser right here. I like it. Straight no chaser. You and Iggy Azalea. Me's my voice on the rocks. Straight No Chaser right here. I like it. Straight No Chaser. You and Iggy Azalea. Me and Iggy Azalea. Really? Is that one of her songs? The Straight No Chaser, right?

Does she have a line that says that? Oh, maybe. A lot of people. Yeah. It feels like a country thing to me. Straight Lace No Chase. Yeah. You know, some people say drink is a problem.

I call it a solution. There it is. Yeah. Beer for my horses. I love this bar. Put them down a solution. There it is. Yeah. Beer for my horses. I love this bar. Put them down. Hard. Ride them hard.

Put them away wet. No, what is it? Oh, ride them hard and put them away wet. Is that what it is? Yeah. You know, take Jimmy Johnson. Take Tommy Thompson. Take any boy in the world. Sure.

But please, please don't take the girl. Don't take the girl. That song fucks my shit up. I still well up when I, you know what I'm talking about? No, I don't know. Don't take the girl? Oh, shit. I shit up. I still will up when I, you know what I'm talking about? No, I don't know. Don't take the girl? Oh, shit. I don't know that one either.

It's pretty. Oh, man. If you want some American country, like, manufactured to tug on your heartstrings, don't take the girl. Can we give them a synopsis? Please. Please. Please.

Yeah. So the first verse. Hold on. Here, I'll give it to you. John, his daddy was taking him fishing. Yeah. He was eight years old. I don't know all those.

Something by the river holding his fishing pole. And then a little girl shows up and the kid's just like, please don't take the girl. Yeah. Second verse. Take Timmy. Take Tommy Thompson. Take Tommy Johnson. Take Tommy Johnson.

Take any boy in the world, but don't take the girl. Wait, who's taking girls? He doesn world, but don't take the girl. Who's taking girls? He doesn't want his dad to take the girl fishing with him. Yeah. She shows up with her fishing pole. And the little kid's like, we can't take the girl. And his dad's like, we're going to take her.

Don't be a dick. Pretty much. And then they go into high school. And then he's on a date with that same girl. I'm getting goosebumps. He's on a date with that same girl. And someone robs him at gunpoint. And the guy's like, take my car. I at gunpoint and the guy's like take my car

I'm seriously getting goosebumps he goes take my car take anything in the world take Chevy Tahoe take my gelato take my girl so like the through line did I guess the lines right

Tim McGraw's gonna have to rewrite this shit there's never been gelato in a Chevy Tahoe. Not one time. It's never happened. Oh, yeah. Tim McGraw's famous gelato song. Oh, yeah. I left all that gelato in the Tahoe.

If you like cups of gelato. But wait, now you got to go to the last verse. You got to tell them the last verse. Right. So the through line, don't take the girl. So he's telling the guy with the gun in the second verse, don't take the girl. Yeah.

And then the third verse, she's in labor, and she's gonna die. Oh, man. And he's talking to God, and he's like, please take me, take every breath that I have, but don't take the girl. And then, you know, she dies. Fucking sad.

She does die? She does die. It's fucking brutal. But I'll tell you, Carousel Skate, I touched a couple butts skating to that song. Is that a butt touching song? Preferably to the middle.

Wait, Carousel Skate? To the middle stanza. Hopefully to the middle stanza. Not right when she dies, you're touching a butt. Like that's the moment you always go in for a butt touch. But don't take that ass.

Death and childbirth. Probably won't happen to us. How are you? I'm Sean. What's going on? Are we related? It for a butt touch. But don't take that ass. Death and childbirth. Probably won't happen to us. How I am, Sean? What's going on? Are we related? It's a small town. No? We're not? Cool. Let's skate together. Let's go. Would you carousel to join me on a skate? Yeah, Sean, I would. You're dank.

What are those size? 38 cross colors that you have on? Yuck. You're 11? Purple. They're an off purple? You got them in metro Mix and not Metro? That sounds like bad weed. It's not purple. It's off purple. I got that off purple.

It's $20 for an ounce. You know, that kind of podcast. It's that kind of podcast. At the end of the day, it's that kind of podcast. It's all said and done. Did you have a carousel skate too? We didn't call it carousel skate too? We didn't call it carousel skate.

It was just is that just couple skate? That was the name of the skating rink was carousel skate. Oh no we had skate world. We had skate world.

Yeah skate world was where it happened. Everything. Yeah. Oh my gosh and of course you know the guy who works there who can skate better

than everybody who's like on the relates and going backwards. The guy in the middle fucking prancing around like 15 years older than everyone he's And then for sure later, you're like,

oh, that guy did get arrested for dating younger girls. We all got dropped off. You got a car. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Jason was our guy's name. They're all Jason. We all got dropped off.

You dropped your kids off before you came here. Yeah, yeah. You got your night out. Your kids are at a different skating rink. I just got to go to the rink and blow off some steam. We actually just went roller skating for my dad's retirement party. How was it? It was so fun.

And I was still a pretty good skater, but my brother was showing off and he was doing backwards skating in front of me and being like, haha, and he fell and he broke his arm. And I was like, yeah. That's what happens. I know I told you guys this the other day, but I listened to it. You don't have to. I don't know if I told you. Man, you started that like you were about to tell us a rumor

from the middle school we all got together. There's a very high school vibe to this podcast right now. Sub story. Do you remember those rumors? There was this rumor that this girl... It's such a bummer, but everyone's like, dude, she had so much cum in her stomach. And I'm like, no.

Oh, the pumped stomach girl? Yeah. Yeah. That story seemed suspect to me from Jump Street because oh my god I mean listen when it was Richard Gere

I've never drank cum but I have drank eggnog which is thicker than cum and I've never had to have my stomach pumped and I've drank

like a pint of that shit what is that even if you're drinking like the most cum you can drink in a night conceivably what is that that's like

eight egg whites and if you just drink eight egg whites you barf I Yeah. What is the most cum? What is that? That's like eight egg whites. And if you just drink eight egg whites, you barf. I feel like that is just men thinking a lot of themselves. Of course. I could probably kill someone if I came enough times and they ate it. It's like a teaspoon, a tablespoon if you're a killer. Okay? It's not that much cum.

It's not a ton. That's so many. That's so much. I never understood. It's so funny how that rumor was everywhere. Everywhere. Like every group of kids was, oh yeah, I heard that in a bumper store. But you didn't know when you were a kid.

I didn't know. I was like, man, Jackie. There was also always the, this was a girl thing, because I think for guys it was more like, oh, it's okay if you jack off. A girl rumor would be like in the locker room, you'd be like, I heard that so-and-so got caught masturbating in the shower. Oh no, we had that. But like masturbating for girls was like, we didn't even talk about it nobody did it seems that way for guys was it

oh yeah we had a weird transition where it went from like no like remember at first it was like it was like a joke to other people like i bet jake jack's off yeah he's like no i don't yeah okay he had a bit about it where he's like, uh, what'd you say? Like when I was younger, I used to hide my blink 182 in my, or I used to hide my porn in my blink 182. I used to hide my porn in my blink 182 and be right on the desktop. But now that I'm older,

the porn's right on the desktop and I have to hide my blink 182. Yeah. Nobody ever, we used to have, man, we used to have parties. Jackal parties.

Jackal parties, right? But we had parties. This dude, whatever, I don't care to say his name, but he went and, uh,

J-O'd into a napkin in the closet and he came out and we're like, nuh-uh, we thought it was snot because we didn't know what a load looked like yet because he was just more advanced. More advanced. He was 20. He was an AP jack-off

and he was getting a college credit for that shit. It was really good. It was his apartment. We didn't dare him to jack off in the closet. We didn't even know anybody. that shit. It was really good. It was his apartment. We didn't dare him to jack off in the closet. We didn't even know anybody who lady jacked off. You just woke up. People used to do

that thing where it's like, hey, you know if you're they say if your hands are as big as your face, you jack off. And then you put your hand on them and push your face. You rub your hand on your elbow and smell it. It smells like chocolate cake, dude. But be close to me when you do that. Wait.

I can't. Bam. Then you smack them in the face. That's a social bit, everyone. Go ahead and take her home. Go ahead and do it. Do it to your boss. Do it to your kids. Do it to your kids and your boss.

Hey, I heard of Egypt. Tell your son. Son, there's one lesson I've been saving. You want to break your kid's nose? I taught you how to ride a bike. Taught you how to be a good man. There's one thing I haven't taught you. That if you rub your elbow, it smells like chocolate cake.

I still don't understand what happens here. If you rub your elbow. Nothing happens. And then you put your hand up to your face and smell it. Oh, and then you smell it. And that's when you get pie face. But then you put your hand up to your face and smell it. Oh, and then you smell it. And that's when you get pie faced. But then you smack the hand. Okay.

See, I don't, these are boy things. You could just cut the middle of this one. Oh, I just did it. Still do the circle below the waist. My sons and I do that.

That's a great game. And we'll do it in photos. Like, I'll send them a picture and be like, look, I'm standing next to so-and-so. And I'll be doing it in a picture. Like, hit them. Oh, yeah.

They're bigger than me. Right when you get off the plane. Right off, yeah. Pop. Got him. We used to do the, I think it's this, who's going to eat it if you farted?

Oh, yeah. And the last person that didn't do it farted. You had to yell no law, too. You had to eat the fart. Wait, wait. You can't eat a fart, but it was like, oh, dude, you got to eat the fart.

Did you fart in his mouth? No. No, no. It was like somebody would fart and be like, who's going to eat it? We're Did you fart in his mouth? No. No, no. It was like somebody would fart and be like, who's gonna eat it? We're a bunch of South Dakota mouth farters. We would do that

but you had to yell NOLA too. You'd go NOLA and then whoever, you were the fart eater. Okay. What about the, do you guys ever play doorknob? It's regional.

How's doorknob work? Like you fart and the last person's, if you say doorknob, you fart. Now I don't even, now I don't remember. I think it's like, if you say doorknob, the guy has to go touch the doorknob you fart now I don't even now I don't remember I think it's like if you say doorknob

the guy has to go touch the doorknob fuck now I forgot how to play doorknob that sounds like a stupid game it was something about farting

hey listen we can't all blow loads in napkins with our crew at 11 years old alright some of us kept it in our pants

alright doorknob you fart and then everybody has to deal with it that's the game yeah we used to play doorknob we. All right? Doorknob, you fart, and then everybody has to deal with it. That's the game. Yeah. Yeah, we used to play doorknob. We went jack off.

We'd go jack off on a doorknob. Yeah. That was our doorknob. You South Dakota boys stayed pounding off. Yeah. That's Swiss. We had another game called cop car. We used to go jack off on a cop car.

We did used to put bologna on cop cars sometimes, though. What? Oh, man. We were talking about that baloney on cop cars sometimes, though. What? Oh, man. We were talking about that last night. And I was talking about it. And then there were a bunch of cops there like a dumbass. No, that's awesome. No, I was at the Battle of the Barracks, my friend.

Why would you put baloney on a cop car? It fucks up the paint. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. If you leave it there for long enough, the sun hits it. It doesn't even take that long, right? Like a few hours if it's the sun.

Yeah, it's not even. I feel like I missed out. I want to go do that now. Oh, yeah. That sounds great. I got some money in my jacket pocket. Cop right there. She's a cop.

Oh, really? We got to do it. Our cop. She's the best. Let's go. How's Battle of the Barracks, dude? Dude, I saw the best escape. It was gnarly.

We got in the VIP. You can tell because I'm still wearing the bracelets. I went to a Get Up Kids show. She's rocking the kids show bracelets yeah dude costin was there wearing like some wild shit he had like one of those lakers throwback kind of snap jackets on oh yeah hoodie under it oh yeah um everybody was there dude like that wild shit ah just cool for me i'm you know i'm basic oh keep going sorry the fucking games were so phenomenal i'm just thinking like they did tricks that i never even thought about doing really Really? Even when I was good. Yeah. Luan Oliveira did

this. Whatever. If you skateboard it's like a switch heel flip frontside body varial revert which is ridiculous. I don't even know what any of that is. That sounds like Peyton Manning calling a play. Yeah. That was a lot of words for shit. Which makes it sound very impressive. Yeah.

It was wild man. Everything was free. Our Lyft driver, I'm telling you this, he missed the 101. Yikes. And we're in the back. We're like, take a right, take a right, take a right. He didn't take a right. So we had to go like five miles down and then back. And then he fucked.

Oh, that sucks. And you're just like waiting to get to this thing. And the first round was going. But it was all right. I'd be none too pleased about that. I might even toss in some attitude. Oh, yeah. No, I meant, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know, yeah. Nothing wrong with sending a little toot over. Oh, no. I'll send a bottle to the table. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Got recognized right when I walked in. So whoever listens who was at the barracks last night, thank you so much. Oh, yeah. Yacht City, man. Yeah. Donovan Strange, shout out. He's an old skateboarder who's now a comedian who was there. He was like announcing.

Oh, that's tight. Yeah. Yeah. One of those connections. I'm like, this dude follows me on Twitter. I follow him.

How fun is that? You know, that's very Donovan strange. Donovan strange. Shout out to Donna. Strain. Strain. Strain.

Yeah. Like strain of weed. Oh, like strange. Like, but yeah, he used to do this thing called buttery ass Mondays where he'd teach you like, he'd teach you tiny come ups,

like tiny tricks you can pull on like convenience store employees and shit like that. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. What is one of them? I can't remember. I should have, I should have had one in the chamber. Oh, like a dollar on the, like a dollar on a fish line?

Or like, you know, this isn't, this isn't one of his, but this is from the chocolate tour, but like you, you fold up like a $10 bill and then go to lick the envelope and then put the 10 in your mouth and then shut the envelope. I'll make it a hundred. Right? So you lick the envelope, shut it, the hundreds in your mouth and you hand it to the gas station player.

And you're like, Oh shit, take it back for some reason. Anyway, you put the hundred in your mouth. This is a doorknob situation for sure. We used to play this game called, we used to play this game called the beanies store where you go jack up on

an envelope. I don't get this hustle at all It's something like Fucking I can't remember But the hustle is When you're licking the envelope At a convenience store

When you're licking the envelope You slide the hundred in your mouth Instead of putting it in the envelope And then you give the person the envelope Is that for money orders? Something like that Are you sure it's a convenient? Anywhere.

A bank? Let's take the heat off me. Okay. No. Watch. Watch. No, no, no. I know.

I got to eat my matzo ball soup, my second bowl here. Eat your soup. I made matzo ball soup. That's what I did last night. Yeah, it was real good. Let's talk about that. It was pretty good, right? Tom Cruise?

Emma, what are you doing? I think I'm not allowed to help you here. I don't need help. Don't let these two fucking meatheads. No, you look good though. I'm blonde as a bat. Some sort of the hustle is when you're going to put the $100 in the envelope,

you go to lick it, put the $100 in your mouth instead, hand the employee the envelope with no $100 bill, but they think there the $100 in your mouth instead, hand the employee the envelope with no $100 bill, but they think there's $100 in there. Somehow you make money. So we got the middle part of the hustle. We just don't know what the beginning and the end is. I can't remember. It's in a skate video, Chocolate Tour. Kenan Milton does it in one of the skits.

Spike Jonze directed it. Because here's the thing, though. If I was working the register, I'd be pissed because I got to make change, and you put the $ hundred in this envelope. And now it's in your mouth. Also, money is very dirty. Have you ever put dollars

in your mouth? Your mouth gets itchy. I've had some stuff in my mouth. We used to play this game called mouth. Mouth, dude. Mouth dude Mouth was the final stage It just It turned out Ricky was gay You know he came out of the closet

After that We all loved him What if you were at a party And someone's like Hey man We're gonna play We're gonna play Mouth And then they just stick

A hundred dollar bill In their mouth Really slow Just really slow While making eye contact I'd be so bummed. We're going to David's house. We're going to play mouth and I'm terrified. Why are we going to my house?

Because none of us, we all live on the street. Mouth is a terrifying word. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. It is mouth. Mouth. Mouth. We're recording in the fortress of solid dudes

oh yeah somebody thought that slipped by us by the way so it's like David and Sean didn't even notice that Ian said the fortress of solid dudes it was that Nick Stone guy who's like who's a cool dude

I didn't mean to make it sound no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I know you didn't but he I know he listens to a lot of podcasts so what really happened it was a slip by him the first few times it would be that would be a pretty slick slip if you did do that if I did a lot of podcasts. So what really happened, it was a slip by him the first few times.

It would be, that would be a pretty slick slip if you did do that. If I did, Fortress of Solitude. And we were just like, oh yeah, the Fortress of Solitude. Yeah, Solitude. Well that, if you do it quick enough, you can make someone think they thought of it, which is always funny. Oh yeah. They're like, I just, I just said that.

Oh, that sounds like Fortress of Solitude. I've done that a couple times. You schmuck. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. Yeah. My've done that a couple times. You schmuck. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. Yeah. My computer just made a noise. We heard you were at the barracks last night.

What else was going on? Who else did you see there? Last year we saw Rodney Mullen. Yeah. Yeah, we met him, right? Oh, last year he was there? Yeah. Everybody was like,

everybody that I want. Danny Way was there. Danny Way was there? I went on a hunt. I went on a hunt to meet Danny Way. That was Christian, everybody that I want. Danny Way was there. Danny Way was there? I went on a hunt. I went on a hunt to meet Danny Way. That was Krishna Soi. I went on a hunt to meet Danny Way. Krishna Soi.

Danny Way is the dude that did the 360 over the Great Wall of China. Oh, yeah. I saw that YouTube. Yeah. He was buck. Probably with you.

He's like a machine. He's had something like 30 surgeries or some shit. Damn. For fun. What I was going to say earlier. Yeah. He's like, why don't you operate on. For fun. What I was going to say earlier. Yeah, he's just like, why don't you operate on my arm, dude? I'm going to stay awake.

Cut my elbow off. Is that some of the pranking? He's doing pranking. He doesn't need an operation. He used to play this game called surgery. He hit Ed in the same way as Mouth. Ed is a gross fucking word now. Mouth.

The idea of a game called Mouth is the worst. You guys want to play Mouth? Hey, who wants to play Mouth? No. I wish I was better at like being, I don't wish I was better at being a dick, but wouldn't it be fun to go on like a first date and be like, when are we going to play Mouth?

You want to play Mouth? We're playing Mouth or we're not playing Mouth? How many times are we playing Mouth? Here's what I was going to say. I'd love to see you again. You want to play mouth? When I gasped earlier, what I was going to say is I listened to the skateboard podcast called The Nine Club.

Yeah. And this dude, Brian Herman, broke his leg. It was a compound fracture. And he got a cast on. And about a week before he got the cast off, it was itching real bad. Went to get it off. Maggots in his wound. Oh my God.

Uh-huh. which is actually technically good the cast came off and brian herbert's like said he was in shock and the doctor was just like whoop and grabbed a wire brush and scraped him out and he goes it happens oh my god if the wound's not fully healed i know i know i just i've had like 10 casts and yeah you know they itch and i'm just like, dog. He went to sleep for like a week every night being like, I wonder what that is. That's itchy. That's itchy.

Oh, I don't like that at all. It happens. Yeah, I just like the doctor like, what? Fucking get over it, dude. Doctor's scene works that hour, you know? Yeah, dude. That was just, I was going to put it in the group thread the other day. I don't know why I didn't.

Do you have any gigs to big up? You want gig up some big up some gigs i know you go big in some big big biggle gigging some biggle gigging some bagel gagging uh you gotta you want to giggle giggle biggle you want to cable dable elena kagan mike or giglia supreme court justice you're gonna fly some big biggins giggle bees back in sioux falls south dakota yeah go pack some magpies yeah you want to big Gigglebees back in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Gigglebees. Yeah, go pack some magpies. Yeah. You want a Bigglebee, some Giggins. You know, here's what I'll say.

Brie Pruitt's got a show coming up in Portland. Go check that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Check out Brie. I think it's... It's like in a week or something. It's this Sunday.

From when this drops. Is it this Sunday? I think they're going to miss it. I think you will have missed it. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, is it like tomorrow? Isn't it tomorrow? Oh, okay.

I believe it's tomorrow. Let me make sure. You know who has the show? If it's not breathing, it's... Caitlin and Amy. We are not. Go see Caitlin. What?

We are not bigging up Amy's show on here. We are not. We are not bigging up... I am. Amy Miller's show. This is me bigging up Amy Miller's show. We're not. Emma's not.

Emma's joking. I'm not joking. Emma's being sarcastic. Siren Theater. Emma and I areging up Amy Miller. We're not. Emma's not. Emma's joking. I'm not joking. Emma's being sarcastic. Siren Theater. Emma and I are breaking up. Nope. Amy and Ian got in a fist fight one time and she won. Good.

Really? She started the whole thing. She ended the whole thing. That's amazing. Good for her. Good for her. I pinned him the other night. Nice.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a fucking, he ain't shit. I know. Don't look at me, dude. What is going on? I get scared. You're so saucy this morning. I love it. I know. Don't look at me, dude. What is going on? I get scared. You were so saucy this morning.

I love it. I'll put... I'll put... It's called hungover. It's one of those. Everybody's getting armbarred. Yeah. Right?

I've been studying Krav Maga. I've been studying Jeet Kune Do. You're not going to call up on your training, are you? I might. I might. Right here? If you back me into a corner, I might call up... Are you a hopkido?

Are you a hopkido? Hopkido? Yeah, dude. Taekwondo? Taekwondo, hopkido, aikido, jeet kundo, tai chi,

just to throw it in there. Just to throw you guys off. You kind of dipped your toes in Shotokan for a little bit. Shotokan for sure. Oh, for Shotokan. Oh, for Shotokan, Brodokan. I'm going to throw it

at Contanacon. It's called Shotokan and you just killed it. That's sick. We are not going to promote it a condanna con. It's called show to con and you just killed it. That's sick. We are not going to promote Uncle Kate and Aunt Amy's holiday party and comedy show. Saturday, December 15th at the Siren Theater. $15 tickets in advance. 18 day of the show.

You know what? Go ahead and light your money on fire instead. You're going to get, at least you'll get a little heat out of it. Don't go see talented comedian Caitlin Weyerhaeuser. No. And absolute fucking prick. least you'll get a little heat out of it don't go see talented comedian caitlin warehauser and absolute fucking prick amy miller it's gonna be a great show it will be if i wish i were in portland for it would be good yeah go check that out david they uh you had a little you had a little uh portland oregon area gig recently

my goodness the g is silent on twitter. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Indeed, indeed. Thank you guys so much. Sold out the Siren, like proper sellout. Yeah. And it was my first like proper,

like not like, not like, oh, this venue's in like a touristy area. Right. So we sell out sometimes. You were top billing on Cold Chillin'

on a Sunday night. Top billing on Cold Chillin'. Oh my gosh, it was so fun. You said Cold Children on Cold Chillin' on a Sunday night. Top billing on Cold Chillin'. Oh, my gosh. It was so fun. You said Cold Children. It sounded like that. Cold Children. It was cold outside.

Cold to Carmel. I got a text from her saying, hey, tell David to let me in. Yeah, and we had to get it done. They had the doors open. They didn't open the doors when the show started. It doesn't matter. Amateur hours when the show started. It was great.

Everybody was so nice. Let's drive up to Portland. Thank you for the desserts. Thank you for taking pictures uh shout out to alissa and the pizza gang and i don't even know who that is but yeah shout out to them alicia yeoman open oh yeah henry russell stoddard uh alexander pence and the pizza gang which is adam, Shane Brandon. We just did their show. We just did their show. Yeah, they opened. So fun. Man, it was just... And then, shout out to me for just

killing it at Big Buck Hunter. Oh, yes. Shane, you hear me. I know you're listening right now. I did it to you. I did that. But, yeah, it was great. Shane Brandon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, dude. Shane, you can't get caught slipping, man. You were a real soldier. I'm just a soldier of love.

Yeah. He was born on ice, just slipping since he came out. He's usually pretty on point, though. I don't know what happened. He thinks we're not down here in LA practicing? Yeah. You don't think I'm at the Roost? Busting off rounds?

Disciplines. I was playing Street Fighter last night. Training. Yeah. Calling upon it. Shotokan. Oh, you went to a barcade last night, right? Hell yeah.

Oh, shit. Tell this shit. God, we went to the barcade and saw this dude named Eddie, right? Yeah. He was playing Time Crisis 2. Which is a shooter. So it's like where you hold a gun and shoot yeah first person shooter but he used both of the guns yeah he was playing two-player mode as one man god damn it was

blue gun and he was doing no look shit man he was doing behind the back shit he had his own holsters that he brought wild and then he was like pulling them out of the holsters and like looking back at one point he like did a shoot and then looked over his back to the girls playing the racing game like yeah what's up girl he's a pinball wizard he's a pinball wizard for sure everybody was yelling eddie it was man it was crazy it's like that person that goes to karaoke who's like a professional oh yeah yeah that's what he was doing like i'm gonna go in here and fucking i'm gonna butt fuck this like if i had like if I brought this voice into a karaoke bar and sung a Melissa Etheridge song.

Yeah. This dusky ass voice. Come to my window. Come to my window. Melissa Etheridge has a twin and they're both here. Triplets. That's crazy.

The group was originally the Etheridge triplets and it was Dave and Melissa and I. And then she big time us. Yeah. She big time us. Yeah. I wrote come to my window which I don't know. It was about a pizza and I. And then she big-timed us. Dave and Melissa and I? Yeah, she big-timed us. Yeah. I wrote come through my window, which I don't know.

It was about a pizza delivery driver. She turned into this whole lesbian thing. This is before Grubhub, too. Yeah. That was early. That was early. Went by the light of the moon. It was because we tried to do the thing where the pizza showed up the same time we did.

Uh-huh. But the pizza got there before us. And then, yeah. I'll be home soon. I'm coming home. Yeah. It's tricky telling someone to leave the pizza

when you're not there. Where you're like, you just leave it on the porch and they're like, what? You're like, just leave it on the porch. I'll be there.

No one's gonna walk up. You gotta be a godless lunatic to walk up and just grab a pizza. I don't know, if I was in my wily teen days, I would have for sure snagged a pizza. It's like a hot pie on a windowsill for a kid.

I'm taking that pie. Has anyone ever seen that in real life? A hot pie on a windowsill? No, because I take them all. I mean, I've put a pie on a windowsill, sure. Really? Yeah. Did a bandit come and take it?

No. First person shooter, you've put it up there, huh? That's sick. Okay, because before Thanksgiving, my dad and I, we make like 15 pies. So we got pies all over. 15 pies? Pies are everywhere. That sounds wholesome.

I have a big family. 15 pies on my dresser. What kind of fillings are you rocking? We do a little of everything. We do pecan, pumpkins, a couple cream pies. Obviously, you're going to do a coconut and a banana cream pie. 100%. We always do a sweet potato pie, a peach pie,

an apple crumble. I do a paper bag apple pie that is got like a crumbly topping instead of the regular crust topping. It's like a crumble on top. The Dutch crumble? That's the one. I know what you're talking about. We make a lot of pies.

I'm in the game. Why is it called a paper bag? You cook it in a paper bag because that way it takes all the moisture out of the top so that the crumble is extra crumbly. Nice. Otherwise, the apple will make it wet.

Maybe you should just make a bunch of pies today. I could make some pies. Also, could we make snickerdoodles? I've just never made them at home. Well, we're going to talk about pastries. Any gigs coming up? The weekend, this comes out this weekend. I'm going to be in San Francisco tonight, Friday night, and Saturday night.

Yes. Just running, now I can say, my half hour. Oh, fuck it. This is the first time we can say it. Yeah, this is the first time we can say it. Young half hour, God. Young taping in New Orleans. In February february or january end of january did you get a comedy central or david that's amazing i'm very excited it's been it's hard

to i like thank you everybody who's been like comments just saying nice stuff it's i'm very excited uh but yeah i'm gonna be running it in san franc yeah, I'm going to be running it in San Francisco. I'm also going to be running it in January in Austin and Denver. I'll have those dates kind of closer too. But yeah, come out and see what's going to go on TV. On the big TV. Yeah, and I bought some shoes for it. What shoes?

Oh, did I not show you? No. So I got into the Nike store. Shout out to Ray Sean. And I got these gold Barclays that you guys can't see. Come on. But I'm going to show Ian right now. I got those Olympic Barclays.

Dude, these- We might have to go back-to-back Barclays one night. Just you and I go out on the town and throw elbows. Yeah, let's go bark-to-bark. Yeah. All right. Bark-to-bark. Damn.

Oh, damn. Whoa. What? I've never seen them before. They're shining already. They're shining already. I've never seen What? I've never seen them before. They're shining already. They're shining already. I've never seen those. I've never seen them before.

I've never seen anyone who took a video of shoes. No, I saw them. Those are fucking dank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to take the video because you got to get that glint. Yeah, you got to get the gold shining. That's going to hit. Yeah, and then you guys know what the rest of the fit's going.

Oh, yeah, you're not going to say? Did you pull the trigger on it? No, yeah. No, I haven't pulled the trigger on it but you're gonna it's coming what day is the taping it's so i don't have my exact date yet i just know it's that somewhere between january 30th and february 2nd i might have to fly out oh i really i've never been to new orleans i really i really might have to fly out we really might have to fly yeah i've never been i missed your netflix i miss shane's half hour. You know,

I'm never getting one. Oh, come on. We're dark that week at the Late Late Show. Talents are already going to be there. I mean, if things go the way they're going, I won't be working where I work anymore. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, we'll get to it in a second.

Emma Arnold in the studio. Hello. Hi. Sleeve Hamster on Twitter. Instagram. Instagram. And on Twitter. And I am a road trip on Twitter. Yeah. A good boyfriend would just know that off the top of his head.

I'm a great boyfriend. Damn. I know. I can't even say that because you brought home Tom Cruise cake last night. I'm thinking about it. That's pretty amazing. I made you matzo ball soup. You did.

You made me matzo ball soup. I've been sick and I made you soup. You're saying that I didn't make an amazing chili that rocked this entire house for a week solid. There's nothing I can say to deny that. The chili was phenomenal. Dude, we still have some.

You didn't have any of this chili? We're going to have a set. This chili that Emma made. Yeah, it was dank. I make a couple different ones this one this one is like a chipotle

black bean honey chili so it's got like a deep spice but also very sweet and kind of nurturing yeah I like that it's like motherhood in a bowl

like a stern mom yeah in the spots I didn't even know I had yeah I like that one of the biscuits forget about it I made cheddar garlic biscuits I think they're something there too oh man and you dip them in the chili I like mine I'll't even know I had. One of the biscuits? Forget about it. I made cheddar garlic biscuits.

Oh, man. And you dip them in the chili? I let mine, I'll tell you what I did. I let mine get lost in there. Yeah. Oh, you just crumble it up and let it live in there. Let it find itself, yeah. Every time I took a bite and I got some biscuit, I was like, there's a biscuit in here.

I love sopping up juice with the biscuit. Dude, there's some sopping going on. It was so good. It was good chili. The matzo ball soup was amazing, too. Yeah, matzo ball soup was fantastic. This was my first Hanukkah, and we lit the candles, and we had matzo ball soup and Tom Cruise cake.

I sang Faith Hills This Kiss. We watched A Simple Man, A Serious Man. A Serious Man. Is that the Coen Brothers one? Romantic Night. I've never seen it. It's good. It was very good.

It was very good. It was a good night. We also watched Buster Scruggs the other night. Is that the new one? No, thank you. The Coen Brothers? No, thank you. You sound like you're going to be bummed.

That's what I'll say. Really? I haven't watched it. It is a lot of singing. It's a lot of singing? It's a lot of singing. Is it a musical? It's vignettes.

Some of them are good. Some of them are good. Exactly. Some of them are like, okay. Are they all Old West? Yeah. Here's the thing. And maybe this is just because I'm old fashioned. I don't really trust straight to

Netflix movies. I don't either. I just don't. If it did get a theatrical release, I don't fuck with it. They've had some, I can't think of one, but I know they've had some good ones. Well, they've had the rom-coms. They've had Tall The Boys I've Loved Before. They've had a couple of fun.

What's the one with... Set It Up. Yeah, Set It Up with... What's... Fuck, what's her name? I love that girl. What's her name? Zoe Deutsch.

Deutsch. She's fucking amazing. She's perfect for romantic comedies. She just has romantic comedy written all over. Yeah. Anyway. I saw that Whitney Cummings straight... Was that...

Is that on Netflix? What I think they're doing is they're conditioning, because maybe, I think they know that maybe we'll never get used to seeing first release movies on Netflix. Right. But the kids. Yeah. And so by the time, they're playing the long game.

So I think by the time they're our age, a movie released on Netflix is the most natural thing in the world for us. I want kids to go to the movies, though. Where else are they going to play mouth? I was waiting on it. I knew I was going to be able to bring it back. Listen, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but we caught your daughter playing mouth.

At the Regents 23. It was Avengers 4. It just came out. A lot of mouth was going on. She's mouthed her way through the wholeents 23. It was Avengers 4 just came out. A lot of mouth was going on. A lot of mouth. Maybe this is just because I'm a competitive spirit, but can you win mouth? Does everybody win? It's one of those games.

You can't win, but you can lose. Also, are kids still cutting holes in their pockets for easier hand stuff at the movies? People were doing that? I didn't know that. I never got any pockets with holes. I never got it. I just heard tails. Oh. Yeah. I heard tails. Just rumors. I went ahead and had the pockets

and still got it because we were doing other stuff. What other stuff? I had a gross night at a movie theater when I was young. Wait, what? Yeah. What are you insinuating? I got a mouth shot in a movie theater when I was like 12. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. 12. Gnarly, right? Wow.

Yeah. Oh, man. That's when mouth was invented. Too early. That is. It's all too early. I'm not chiming in, but same. Yeah.

Same. And these guys are being very shocked by it. You guys are bar mitzvahs. You grew up in a small town. You played mouth in movie theaters. Looking up at your bar mitzvahs. You grew up in a small town. You played mouth in movie theaters. Looking up at your bar mitzvah. But then there was nothing. We didn't do anything else.

I didn't do anything else gnarly until I was like 17. What else is there to do? Well, it was like real hot, pedal to the metal for like a month, and then nothing until I was like 17. I was playing Ultima Online. I was mastering the bo staff, the nunchakai. I was mastering my staff. I was already a master at the nunchucks, by the way. Yeah, I bet you were.

God, at 12? Yeah, I still ride bikes. You were a master at the getting some chucks. That's what you were. In the movie theater, no less. That's a temple. You haven't been nunchucked since you were 11 years old. Not the right way.

During Hot Shots Part 2. That is a hilarious movie for kids to be doing sex stuff to. Hot Shots. Charlie Sheen's 18-foot head in front of you. Up to his nipple and bullets. And you guys are just like, now's the time. He's rubbing chicken on her or whatever that one's saying. The nine and a half weeks.

Chicken in a bow and arrow. And the kid's like, I'm going to pop. Oh, man. Emma Arnold, any gigs coming up? I love it. Yeah, so next week, my monthly show, Hogsboiled with Sophie Hughes. Ooh, it's fun. Sophie's the shit.

Yeah, Sophie is the shit. Look her up, Sophie K. Hughes on Twitter, I think. She's fun. Which Ian just did. Sophie's the shit. Yeah, Sophie is the shit. Shout out to Sophie. Look her up. Sophie K. Hughes on Twitter, I think. She's wonderful. Also, shout out to who opened for us in the mountain town? Kat Lizarga. Shout out to Kat Lizarga. Sorry, not Lizarga. Lizaraga.

I'm sorry, Kat. Shout out to Kat Lizaraga. And shout out to your boy. Casey Rockett. Casey Rockett. Yeah, we had so much fun. They were such fun. We had a good time up there

Lizaraga Lizaraga what a dope name yeah it's good yeah hell yeah is that Puerto Rican

I feel like it could be Basque maybe that's the opposite of what I was thinking I'm not sure I should have I had no idea Puerto Rican is just

my general staff let's just go to it's fun to say I love the way it's Puerto Rican sounds Ian says Puerto Rican. Puerto. Puerto Rico.

That was fun, right? Those shows, I've heard amazing things. They're great shows. Yeah, they're really good shows. And we have that on Friday. And then up in Sun Valley, we have the show that we do up there every month. So you're doing those? Who's headlining?

Sofia Alexandre. Oh, good. Sofia's fresh from Shaolin, a.k.a. Los Angeles. We're doing like a whole girls weekend. That's nice. It'll be very fun. Sofia's very funny. Sophia's fresh from Shaolin, aka Los Angeles. Yeah. We're doing like a whole girls weekend. That's nice. It'll be very fun. Sophia's very funny, too. She's very funny.

We're going to have a good time. We'll be having a boys weekend here. And by that, I mean Sean and I staring at each other in the dark kitchen. I like that. Or you guys just whisper mouth to each other. We put garbage bags all over every window at high noon

and whisper mouth to each other. You're not going to let Zach get in on that? No. He's too good at it. He's too good at it. He's too good at it. He's a rigger. He's up in the big leagues, man. He's in the big leagues.

Great, so go check that out if you're in the Boise area, although if you were listening to this and you are, you probably were already, but make sure you double do. Double do. Double do. Anything else? Oh, yes, and then I'll make sure you double do. Double do. Anything else? Oh, yes, and then I'll be at Madison on State January 1st. Comedy on State?

January 1st? Nice. Or 3rd. I don't know. 1st, 2nd, 3rd. 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Hell yeah. I've been outside that club once. It's a good club. It's good to be inside. You know my favorite thing about the club? You can see your hotel from the front door, so you know if you have to poop, you go do it in your room. It's good to be inside. You know my favorite thing about the club? You can see your hotel from the front door. It's so nice.

So you know if you have to poop, you go do it in your room. It's heaven. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. But also, they have like a private green, like an upstairs. It's so nice. They have a massage chair. Is that the place with the massage chair?

Yeah. A massage chair? Yeah. So nice. The sisters who run it are the dopest. Uh-huh. Also, this is just like a comedian thing, but they were like, they tape your set and then I was like,

can I get my tape? And they were like, sure. Send it to me that night. Like, when has a club ever done that? Usually you're like over and over. You're like,

can I get that tape? Can I get that tape? That night they sent it to me. Yeah, they're awesome. Stu, the bartender, rips. He's super, so cool. One of those people that like remembers you

when you come back. Oh, dude, you're funny. Yeah, good stuff. Dank Williams. Go see that and I'll give you an extra reason Oh, dude, you're funny. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. Dank Williams. Go see that. And I'll give you an extra reason in a second. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.

You got anything coming up? Ian Carmel across platform. Ian Carmel on Jewish goat app. Have I done that one before? I feel like I have. Do they have their own app? No. No.

For sneakers? Is there a Jewish sneaker app? For firm black leather shoes. Kosher kicks. Kosher kicks. You sneakers? Is there a Jewish sneaker app? For firm black leather shoes. Kosher kicks! Kosher kicks! You're gonna make a million dollars. Jewish American Airlines app. What about Hanukkah? It's kind of like Comic Con, but it's

like... Verified on Hanukkah. Verified on CarmelaCon. Coming up in 11 days. What do I got going on? So three... So shout out to everyone who signed up for the Patreon. Seriously. Jesus. We're going to record

the second watch along here pretty soon. Yeah. We're going to have a little extra, very small, but really fun Christmas content for you.

Yeah, I'm stoked. So sign up for that. The slack is popping. Slack is popping. The community is strong. Yeah. Honestly, seriously,

I know, but like, thank you so much to everyone. Yeah. Anyone who's donating their hard-earned money. Or their soft-earned money. Seriously, yeah.

Even if you're getting it, you're just rich. Thank you. For real. It means the world to us, for sure. So sign up for that if you haven't already signed up for that. Also, we have merch now. Merch is peeping. The merch is popping.

We've got four designs up. You can get them on shirts, sweatshirts, baseball tees, pillows, mugs, pillows, tapestries. I didn't know that until I started poking. You can get like 15 different colors. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. Somebody bought the Death Row one in all pink and I was like,

that looks hard. I might have to get a pink hoodie. We might have to make some moves. Now, it turns out this may be a rare Carmel misstep because we don't get a huge commission on these shirts. But, you know, it takes care of the shipping and the printing. Yeah, and it's dope. But more than anything, we just wanted y'all to fucking be able to rock all Fantasy Everything merch.

Yeah, that fucking rules. That was the biggest thing. That Death Row t-shirt, people are going to have us and Marissa on there? Right, honestly, I'd rather have them be like 10 bucks cheaper and and the commission not be that great and because it's just dope that it's it will get done i just want it out there yeah i also would love it if somebody would wear a shirt with my face on it to crossfit yes so if any of you guys are crossfitters that would just be hilarious this is also just uh for everyone the first round of looks so we're gonna have more.

These were all designed by Barry the Art Guy. Shout out to Barry Blankenship. Barry the Art Guy. King of comedy poster designing, man. Fucking love that guy. He drew the Death Row shirt. He designed all the other ones. Shout out to him.

But yeah, go to www.tpublic.com slash user slash all fantasy everything. And then you can find our designs there or just search all fantasy everything and uh pick up some pick up some gear yeah yeah those eyebrows man you guys can't see it but when ian gets stoked the eyebrows work the eyebrows going they really do they work all the time i'm pretty stoked about this merch i really am it's it's oh hell yeah it's really exciting but we've got we've got some really cool designs coming we've got some collaborations with a couple of fun brands that I think you guys are going to be stoked about coming up.

Some brands located in the Portland, Oregon area. This is what we'll be looking into. But outside of that, come see me at Comedy on State January 1st, 2nd, 3rd. You're here, too. Just got invited, just got the offer

in the email box, so I will be there performing the stand-up comedy. Hell yeah. Or no, wait. It's the first. Wait, what is it? Is it New Year's Day? For real? I feel like you said it was the.

Wait. Oh, no. Maybe it's one. Oh, maybe it's through the fifth. January 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Yeah, because the 4th is a Friday. So that makes sense. Oh, that's what it is.

Oh, shoot. Cool. Yeah, January 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Ian just found his favorite kind of Play-Doh. Oh, shoot. Cool. Oh, shoot. Cool.

All for me? Come to Comedy on State January 3rd, 4th, and 5th. It's maybe my favorite club. Seriously. Yeah. Top three for me. The coffee shop. There's a coffee shop that has like 15 different kinds.

They have like grasshopper mochas and shit. And the pizza place grasshopper mocha like a mint kind of girl scout cookie oh grasshopper the cookie yeah okay they get and they got like 20 of those like different kinds they got like hot cold they have an almond joy coffee you can get then the pizza shop right across the street ian's pizza yeah do they have almond joy pizza they got you got grasshopper Pizza, dude. They probably wouldn't make it for you. They got macaroni and cheese on pizza. I brought my own Almond Joys.

I just wanted you to throw it on. If you're in the area, come see the show. If you're in the Midwest, you want to come fuck with us, it'll be, I think it's going to be really fun. You know what the Midwest is? Young and Restless. It doesn't take much, but that's a fun one. Come to Comedy on State. It's an amazing club. I've got a bunch of new material it's gonna be fun uh yeah come come come fuck with us also

and i don't know how officially we can i'm gonna i'm gonna say it yeah drop it drop that shit did uh march 9th uh live afe in portland oregon oh we got oh yeah we got it so the night uh oh we got it i didn't know that you got it. So the night... Oh, we got it? I didn't know that. Yeah, I mean, we're already doing it. Oh, he got it? I don't give a shit who he is. No, he doesn't say that. I don't care who he is.

Drake, sir, we're ready for you. Shout out to Shiggy, man. That guy's really funny. He's so funny. Probably more like nine now, right? March 9th at the Dougfer, we're doing the first live AFV with all three of us in Portland.

In Portland. Yeah. So the night before, we already sold out the old Revolution Hall show. It's going to be really fun. But they're two completely different shows. Oh, completely different. Dude.

So we're doing live, all fantasy, everything at the Dougfer. When those tickets go on sale, you're going to want to jump on them quick because it is not as big as Rev Hall. Yeah. So we're doing live all fantasy everything at the Doug for when those tickets go on sale you're going to want to jump on them quick because it is not as big as Rev Hall.

Yeah. Like at all. Jump on them quick. It's going to be an afternoon show and yeah so we'll be hung over and then probably drunk again.

Those are my two favorite venues in Portland. Why do you love the Doug? They were trying to put us in some other venues and I was like

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah. Wait what were we like? Nah nah nah nah. Nah nah nah nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Wait, were we like, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. We'll only play the dog fur.

That was good, dude. Thank you, dude. Also, they got those biscuits upstairs. I'm saying. It's always been my test of if someone's actually cool, if they do something that could be considered not embarrassing, but somebody wouldn't do it again and then you're like how'd that go and then they do it the exact same way oh yeah yeah ian is the king of that yeah the the it's lean all all leaned in i immediately apologize i'm not cool and haven't ever been so i'd be like no no no i'm so sorry

i apologize everybody i'm so sorry yeah what you're fucking cool okay i can't that can't that can't ride that can't be out in the ether holy crap i'm for sure i don't know what you're fucking cool okay i can't that can't that can't ride that can't be out of me holy crap i don't know what you think we're living in cool as shit oh thanks john you're welcome i don't notice a lot of chiming in from the other side of the room here i don't think you're cool i also think really i also think being cool is kind of overrated yeah i'm dead yeah like we're through being cool i I have a joke about it. Maybe you'll see it in my half hour. Sean's pissed, dude. Sean's got a different,

Sean means real cool. I'm going to shave today. Are you? Are you really? Yeah. Are you going to do all the different stages though? I'll do something fun.

I'm thinking about doing, either getting rid of the beard and doing like the mutton chop I smelt look or getting rid of the stache and doing like I'm in Congress look. Honestly, I think you should keep the stache for good though. look. I think you should keep the stache for good, though.

Yeah. I think you should keep the stache too. For great. You keep saying that you don't have a good mustache, but I feel like. That's a thick, good mustache. It seems like a good mustache. Yeah, it's a good mustache. I don't look good with it, though.

It looks great with it. Out here. I think you look great because your hair is like long too. I can't do the just mustache. It just doesn't. Mine doesn't get thick enough. It's just not. It's not a good scene.

You got to cut your hair. You got to cut. Oh, yeah. I did the whole. I did the, you know. Yeah. Come down. More like shaved Bori, you know?

Shaved Bori. He shaved. Shaved his face. What are we drafting today, Ian? Christmas. More like shaved Bori. I hear those sleigh bells wriggling, ting, ting, tingling. Toot-a-da. Oh, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.

Statler Brothers. That was so nice. That was beautiful. Just shifting right into it. I really liked it. Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, let's go. I don't know that one. Sorry.

We're drafting Christmas, just in general. If you're a longtime AFE listener, you may recall the mall episode, which was our first one together. I think it was that or Taco Bell, but I think it was the mall. I think it was the mall. I think it was the mall. Yeah. I remember exactly what I was doing.

I was walking in the Burbank mall trying to get screws at Sears for the door, and they didn't have screws. Old Burbank Hank over here. I was furious. That's wild. They didn't have screws. You went to the mall for screws? I just went to the mall because I didn't have a job and I was depressed.

But I was looking for Screws. That was like the goal of the day. And you were texting like, what should we do? And then, shit, you said something about the mall. And I was like, David, are you a mall guy? And then Ian was like, let's draft the mall. And we're like, fuck, yeah. Draft them all.

Yeah, it wasn't as good of a story as it was like in my head. It was good. You know, it was good. It's good. A&P lore. A&P good. More informative than anything else. You know what? Sometimes you play hands. You play hand instead of mouth.

Yeah, when I was five. Sometimes you play hands. When life gives you mouth, make hands. Make hands. Play hands. Sometimes we play gun. Whoa. I don't like that game.

Not a lot of people did. We are drafting Christmas. So if there's anything about Christmas, anything at all, and the way we determine the order of that draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors, played between the three of you, and we throw and shoot. My elbow popped. That's a good sign.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David Bowie wins. Now, David, with that victory, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order. He wins all the... I always pick scissors....of frickin' time, you Bowie wins. Now, David, with that victory, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order. He wins all the- I always pick scissors. Of frickin' time, you know? Whoa.

No, somebody, when that guy did the stats, it was not as crazy as you would think. It's wild, because it seems like you win all the time. It does feel like I win every week. I do have that T-Pain type quality about myself. All I do is shut the fuck up. No matter what. I do have that T-Pain type quality about myself. All I do is shut the fuck up. I love a sincere shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Hold it's on, Jordan, over here.

Yeah. It's up to you to determine the order of the draft today. Now, before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? That's a great question. I'll tell you real quick. Say you're at the Battle of the Barracks last night,

and you're watching the live game of skate between Luan de Oliveira and Chris Josson. And you're watching it live, and then some dipshit gets in your way because young skateboarders are fucking idiots. So you turn and watch it on the TV. You're like, damn, there it is on the TV. And you want to go back and watch the live version,

but that dipshit's still in your way. So you kind of keep on the TV for a minute. And then you're like, fuck it. So you turn back to the live version. You pie face that little dipshit that won't stop going like, making dumb little kid sounds. You watch the live version. And then you're like, TV, I actually sounds. Watch the live version, and then you're like, TV, I actually kind of had a better vantage

point. You're like, fuck it, I'm watching live. I'm here. I'm going to live in the moment. And then you watch the live version, kid comes back in your way, and you're like, what am I, a dickhead? So you go back to the TV, and you watch it on the TV for a while. I'm not clear on the rules. Basically what it means, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. I love it. So the order just flips. I love it. Now with that in mind, David, what will the order of today's All Fantasy Everything draft be? I'm going me, Sean, Emma, Ian. Hot Corners.

He likes the Hot Corners. I'm going Horseshoe with it. Thrive. I got fucking Home Alone Die Hard back-to-back on the Hot Corner last week. Damn. Who knows what I'm going tohoe with it. Thrive. I got fucking Home Alone Die Hard back-to-back on the hot corner last week. Damn. Who knows what I'm going to do with this week? Somebody.

It just kills me when people say Die Hard's not a Christmas movie. Like, whatever. Yeah. It is. Just let yourself have the fun. Come say that to my face. Watch me call upon my training. Watch me call upon my training.

Watch me call upon my training. Every second of my training I call upon. Tom Cruise cake has made you very combative today. That's right. Well, I'm a Hollywood

power player now. Show to calm down to the toenails. I was just sitting at my desk the other day and James Corden's assistant walks in with a box saying like,

here, this is for you. And I'm like, what is this beautiful box? Is it from James? Is it a present saying thank you for being a writer? It's not. It's from Tom Cruise.

It's not. You're in Tom Cruise. It's not. You're in the game. I'm in the game. Tom Cruise sent you a cake. I might produce the movie this afternoon. I don't know. Tom Cruise doesn't even know I'm alive. No.

He knows I'm alive. Well, actually, now he's into the podcast, I assume. I assume. He's a fan. What's up, Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise has a real-life cerebro, so he knows that you're alive. He has a cerebro. For everyone who's nice, he can see all the. Yeah. He can see all the nice people.

He can see all the nice people. He's Santa Claus. Yeah. Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz. Tom Cruise sent me a cake. You guys haven't tried it yet. No, I'm very excited.

We were watching this. It's so good. It's so good. It's so fucking good. He doesn't half-step Tom Cruise. No. It's imagine, it's exactly what you think.

It's save the Scientology jokes. If you want to make them any other time, fine. But when he sends me a cake, make some cake jokes. The cake tastes like Tom Cruise. I know it does. It does. Like you're eating it and you're like, yeah, this is Tom Cruise in a cake form. Tommy!

I'm so ready. I'm excited. I've seen Going Clear. I'll be mad about it again after the cake is gone. Sure. But he bought himself 24 hours of Goodwill. Yeah. He used this shit. I like it.

He went to the bank. He withdrew some Goodwill. I got the cruise control on all the time. I'm a fan. Cruise missiles in full effect. Yeah, dude. I like it. I'll take that cruise, you know?

Down to Bermuda. Terry Crews, dude. Uh-huh. Penelope Crews. Our crew is thick, you know? Crew is thick. Now, Sean, dude. Uh-huh. Penelope Crews. Our crew is thick, you know? Crew is thick. Now, Sean, you've got the first pick, but before you do that, we're going to take a break.

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but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babble.com slash all fantasy again get up to 60 off at babble.com slash all fantasy spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply and we're back sean jordan no my first pick oh shit i like it though that was fun oh david okay yeah wait we're back we're back david change it now i like to think that now i have the first pick you don't i'm kidding i'm kidding it's david go for it it's david boy with the first pick and the christmas all fantasy everything you will know on the clock uh so this it can be personal to any of you but i love the smell of christmas oh damn it yeah like so it maybe it's like something like my mom makes this pumpkin bread and she

basically only makes it it's like sweet pumpkin bread and she only makes it around christmas time yeah and just like the smell of that baking uh the smell of hot chocolate apple cider with cinnamon like just like all the different smells yeah man i have that i had the smells of christmas written down it's it's like it's just like that like, that's for me. It's one of those things that even in California where it's 75 degrees out, you still get that part of Christmas. It's just like, whenever you smell that shit, it just takes you back to being a kid.

Those are the Christmases we like. The smell is the sense linked most strongly to memory. Really? Yeah. Okay, well then that's- Let's try to not say any other things of like the actual smells. Oh, okay.

You know? Okay. What am I being a dick? Hey, Sean, what's that mouth smell like? I'll fucking show you real quick. Fuck over here. I don't know what this mouth smell is like. Boys, we're drafting Christmas.

I know. You're right. I shouldn't have to be the one in this room to point that out. Of all people. 100% Bar Mitzvah and everything t-shirts available now. I'm going to look like a chump wearing a t-shirt that says I'm 100% Bar Mitzvah. You're not going to look like a chump.

Nobody's going to be like, hey, that guy's clearly not Jewish. I'm going to look interesting wearing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just kind of look like a chump, though, in general is what I'm saying. Sean, you're not a chump. I love you. Merry Christmas. I draft smells. The smells chump. I love you. Merry Christmas. I draft smells.

The smells. Yeah. Smells Christmas. I'm with you for sure. There's nothing better than walking into a house that's in full swing. And my mom would always have the... She was very fat. My mom has Christmas decorations.

Oh, it's after Thanksgiving. The whole house is Christmassed up. So she had the candles going. And it's just that season. That's just what our house smelled like, or apartment usually. And it's a beautiful thing and a nice touch to make it feel like Christmas when we were in leaner times. St. Sue Carmel's a Christmas killer.

I could see that. Oh, yeah. ASAP. That energy. She's the market best. She is. She's so tight. She's so great. Yeah. She got me an ornament. Oh, yeah. ASAP. That energy. She's the market best. She is. She's so great. Yeah.

She got me an ornament. Really? Yeah. That's such a sweet present, too. It was so sweet. It was so sweet. It was a little beaver because that's my thing. And she got me a little beaver ornament.

That's so cute. She's a sweetheart. Such a sweetheart. She is a sweetheart, for sure. I'm glad it's Christmas. But that is the thing that the most like, it is nice about LA because here you really have to manufacture. You really, it's just, it's so hot.

You have to work hard to make it feel like Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. So like whenever I can like, yeah. A lot of times being out in public places. Yeah. Smell like Christmas. You know what I mean?

Maybe after this we go get around a peppermint mochas. We have some Tom Cruise cakes. Seriously. Well, I don't want to, I don't want to step too much, but yeah. Yep. We drink a bottle. We get a round of peppermint mochas. We have some Tom Cruise cake. Seriously? Well, I don't want to step too much. Yeah. We drink a bottle of gin. We go fight the cop who lives behind the house. I'll be drinking it.

I got my bologna. Yeah, he's got his bologna. We're good to go. Yeah, smells. Smells is my first pick. The smell of Christmas is perfect. We can revisit this pick as the draft unfolds and call out some things

that sound really good. No, I just, you know, there might be... Officer Sean Jordan of the Sioux Falls... They listen. ...police department over here. Don't you dare.

SFPD, baby. SFPD ain't shit. Try to kick me out of Mark Twain. They don't got nothing. Is Mark Twain a bookstore? SFPD ain't shit. That's what I was shooting for. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at this. Ben Staples. Huh? I'm with you. I'm riding shotgun. Sean Jordan, your first pick in the Christmas draft. Eggnog. Oh, the nog?

Yeah. Nog in the first round. That's what Christmas means to you? I almost did it just to get the shit. Nog chocolate? Just to get made fun of, yeah. No, I don't think that's crazy. I wanted to make sure I got it, though.

I love eggnog, and it's specific to the holidays. I like that it's not readily available all the time. It can't be that America would shut down. Eggnog in July, that's great. But they do it. They have it like starting, they have like Halloween nog now.

Oh yeah, they do have Halloween nog. I'll take some ween nog. It's just gotta be cold. It's just gotta be cold. You'll take some ween nog? I'll take some ween nog. Just so it didn't get glossed over, David just said ween nog.

Yeah. We're trapped in Christmas, y'all. That's what you have to drink if you lose mouth. Yeah. Ween is like a code name for a penis. Ween nog is different than egg nog. Ween nog. Ween nog.

Oh, my God. Sexuality is a spectrum, and I refuse to apologize. Yeah. It's got the back-to-back ends, so you have to be like ween nog. Yeahenog. Weenog. Oh my God. Sexuality is a spectrum and I refuse to apologize. Yeah. It's got the back-to-back ends so you have to be like Weenog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weenog.

Weenog. Eggnog. Also known as Milk Punch. Ew. Ew. That's the grossest thing ever. Milk Punch. Milk Punch.

Sounds like Weenog. I understand why they called it Eggnog. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch.

Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milk Punch. Milkog. Milk punch? Milk punch sounds like a game that nobody played. Milk punch. It definitely sounds like something that came out of South Dakota. Milk punch. Ladies and gentlemen, yuck. Oh, milk punch. Oh, gross. Yeah.

No, no. Not on the Christmas episode. Not on the Christmas episode. Not on the Christmas episode. Everyone hates it. For God's sake. Eggnog is traditionally made with milk, cream, sugar, whipped egg whites, and egg yolks. Nice. Which gives it a frothy texture.

Yeah. I love it, man. It's like eating dinner every time you have a glass of eggnog. It really is. You got to get to the bottom of it. No, I don't need any turkey. I had a glass of eggnog. It is thick, man.

It's heavy. It does a thing to your mouth, too. It gives you that sticky mouth. What's that called around a blood cell? What's the viscous kind of membrane? It's like a membrane on the inside of your mouth. It is delicious,

though. It is good. Eggnog is delicious. It's also the kind of thing where if it's a tradition that we're lucky that it kept going because it could easily be like hey do you want to hear what they drank in england in the 1800s yeah it was an egg-based milk punch and you'd be like ugh those fucking weird ass brits yeah yeah goddamn redcoats over there like that those that? Those fucking loyalists? That's disgusting. The king's milk, they called it.

The king's milk, yeah. The king's own milk. But then since you drank it as a kid, it's like normal. Yeah, it's also the only nog that I know of. Oh, yeah. I mean, besides ween nog. Ween nog, egg nog, nog chompa. Nog chompa.

The Denver Noggets. Gnome Chomsky. I can't. K-N-O-G. What? I don't know. What are you doing? I was reaching. Everyone be quiet for a second.

Everyone be quiet. Oh, like Knog? Like Knog. I got it. Knog, Knog. Who's there? Let me sit in it. Let me stew in it.

I need to learn my fucking lessons, you know? I can't just be walking around Glendale like this i was there with you with a k that's more of a lesson that's like you know that i liked it no you're like oh i wasn't good it's kind of shit we say to shane yeah when he says dumb shit all the fucking time i'm kidding go buy his album they drink something called bonche crema in venezuela and Trinidad. I like that. Yeah. We got to get some of that.

That sounds spicy. Yeah, man. Eggnog has like a, I kind of like the bubble gum aftertaste. Does anyone else get that at all? Bubble gum. Like a slight bubble gum? I kind of know what you're talking about.

Yeah, slight. But I just love it. I'm going to have some eggnog again. It's in the sense that a smell can, you know, take you there. No, it takes you right back. The eggnog takes me right there. How much nog can you drink?

One sitting. One cup. I could do a half gallon, I bet. Well, what do I get, an hour? You could do a half gallon of eggnog in an hour? Oh my God. If I could drink a bottle of Jameson in an hour, I have to be able to drink it.

I will give you $100 if you can drink a gallon of eggnog in an hour. No, don't. It's not worth it. You'll be able to. I don't even know if you're allowed to buy it by the gallon. I think. You might have to get two. I want this in my room, but I would put the money on this.

You have to get like per shopper, half a gallon per shopper. They're like, no, no, no, no. It's like buying cough syrup. We tried the milk challenge back in the day. Eggnog's thicker. But also now that like we, there's some dude on YouTube that drank like five gallons of milk in an hour and kept it all down

so you can do it so I I think I could do it it'd just fuck my day up probably yeah it would I don't wanna do that I feel like it would

fuck your guts up yeah they're not you know they're rocky as is you know they're going to marriage counseling these guts

we did the milk gallon challenge with this dude I guess I won't say his name back in high school was it Ivan Carmel it was Ivan oh We did the milk gallon challenge with this dude. I guess I won't say his name. Back in high school. Was it Ivan Carmel? I had Ivan Carmel on the horn yesterday on speakerphone. He's always on speakerphone.

Cops coming up. Hey, turn your dad down. He's loud enough that even if he wasn't on speakerphone, he would be, so you might as well put him on it. You'd just be holding the phone away from your ear. Whoa. And there'd be like a cartoon where the sound's coming out of it. Yeah.

Grabs me and pulls me across the phone. In real life, like a Roger Rabbit situation. I was sitting in the living room, and I was in the kitchen, and I think he was clear as day. Oh, yeah. He told me, like, I was getting advice on matzo ball soup. God. I forget, what did he say? Fuck that shit, too?

Oh, no. You said, I'm going to boil it in the chicken consomme, not the water. And he goes, oh yeah, fuck that shit. Yeah. Oh yeah, fuck that shit. Don't boil that in the fucking water. He's the best. And Ian,

you're going to want to put a little sparkling water. I'm like, alright. He also said, wait, you're making matzo ball soup for Emma? Oh. He did say that. He did? Did he really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. He did the big step. It's my love language. Let's get it. Matzo ball soup. Let's get Ivan a big pink 100% bar mitzvah and everything hoodie. We should. God, he'd look so dumb.

Maybe I'll get him that for Christmas. What if I got everyone in my family? Anyway, we'll go to Nog. Yeah, eggnog. Oh, anyway, this dude, we went to the skate park, THPRD, in Portland, Oregon. We were in high school. Oh, okay. So we went and did the milk challenge.

At the Tron? You went to the Tron park? In the Tron, yeah, the Tron. And he was, he came up just short. I like going to the skate park to go to the milk challenge. He came up just short. I was drinking like a flavored milk. I think Nampay was there.

Not in the podcast, not in the house. You were drinking a flavored? I wasn't doing the milk challenge. You were just drinking strawberry milk. Only this dude was, Gerhard. That's his name. And he drank it in 61 minutes. And then I think he barfed.

Of course he did. Maybe he didn't. I don he did. I love that. Maybe he didn't. I don't remember. The important part of the story is we went back to his house. He was a bigger dude. And he disappeared into a bathroom for 45 minutes, came out, and then ate so much Taco Bell. Yeah, nice.

Whoa. Oh. So he probably barfed. After a mouthful? After all that milk. Well, I bet he barfed all the other food that was in there. I think he might have ass barfed. I think he might have barfed out of his ass.

That was my butthole. Maybe. He may have butt barfed. Ass barfed. He was either butt barfing or mouth shitting. Oh, my God. It's the crispest trap. It's the funniest stuff in the world.

I'm going home. I'll get enough of this at home. You're going to Boise? I told Laura I was going to get a butt boner one time and she almost fell down the stairs. What does that mean? I had holes in my mesh shorts in the back of them and I was like, yeah, that's for my butt boner.

And she's a very mature woman and she almost fell down the stairs laughing. A butt boner? It's fun. Butt bar. A butt boner. It's fun. I mean, mature shit's fun. Butt barf, butt boner,

it's all fun. Butt boner. Mouth, a butt barf, yeah. He barfed out of his butt, I think. That was gonna be,

that was gonna be my draft. Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Butt barf. It's too bad. Emma Arnold, it's time for your first pick

in the Christmas draft. Okay. Um, I'm doing this one first because I thought it was going to get taken, but I'm choosing Christmas music. Ooh. Good choice. Just in general.

And I know some people don't like it, but I really like it. I love it. I love it, and I sing along. The kids and I, 107.9 is they play nonstop Christmas music starting the day after thanksgiving a lot of people come to us for boise idaho area radio recommendations well okay so we already did this last year we did the christmas songs draft so what's your favorite christmas song sub draft um sub draft damn son is this a sub draft afe i like i like the Dolly Parton one

which one oh shoot you're gonna have to sing it for me go Jolene no no no no no no no no the Christmas Dolly Parton shoot I'm spacing

I don't even I don't know the song Amy Miller's punk ass you know she would be so disappointed in me right now don't go to the show but go Amy Miller's punk ass would know. No, she would be so disappointed in me right now. Don't go to the show, but go. Amy Miller's just driving. She just punches a hole in the window.

I don't know. I don't know either. It's a duet. It's a duet. With? Maybe. With Kid Cudi. I'd buy that.

It is. I'm sure. Kid Cudi. I'd buy that. It is. I'm sure. Oh, Christmas. No, anyway, I like that one.

But I like the classics too, you know? The stuff that you remember from being a kid. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, actually, my favorite Christmas song is one that nobody knows. Hard Candy Christmas? Oh, yeah, there it is. Yeah, for sure. I don't know that one. Oh, my God, it's such a good. Hard Candy. Damn, we got to get into some Christmas songs. Hard Candy Christmas oh yeah there it is yeah for sure I don't know that one for sure

it's such a good Hard Candy damn we gotta get into Hard Candy Christmas yeah that's exactly what it is I couldn't sing it that's your favorite yeah

Deep Cut I love Hard Candy Christmas that's a good ass song yeah but I just love it and the kids and I listen to it all the way up we listen just kind of like

kick it on all the time and it's just so festive and fun we're covering the senses like smells taste ears audio some might say. And also because it's one of the few times when you're with people, you know all the words to something.

Are you micing that candle? Yeah, I'm trying to mic this candle. Yeah, get some room tone. God, if it just lit up, man. I just see like a National Lampoon thing going on. Just lighting up. I just lit the Christmas candle I got. For doing what?

Birchwood Pine. Oh, stand up on the Late Late Show. More about Christmas music. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think that's probably... What's your second favorite song? Give people an Arnold playlist. Okay, Hard Handy Christmas. And then I like the... I don't know

the name of it exactly but it goes bright bright the holly berries in the wreath upon the door I feel like you're a good singer and you have crazy Christmas song I feel like you're all deep cuts

I don't know that's on you it's bright bright the holly berries yeah I like that one. Fred Waring, Theo Blackman's done a version. The Singer's Unlimited, of course. It's a really good Christmas song. Bright Bright the Holly Berry. No.

No? No. Bright Bright the Holly Berry. Holly Berry. Project Swordfish. No. Project Swordfish? No. No. Project Swordfish?

Wait a minute. Project Swordfish. She was in that movie Swordfish, right? The Florida Swordfish? No, Florida Project. No, you're thinking of John Travolta. Halle Berry. Nine to five?

I don't know how you mixed it up, but you're thinking of John Travolta. John Travolta in Phenomenon? Side note, is that her real name, Halle Berry? I don't know. Her real name's Halle Bizzle, actually. Well, John told us all that. Oh, Halle Bizzle. I'm moving that up, but I doubt that's true.

Yeah, Halle Marie Berry. Oh. Damn. Halle's a good name. Halle is a good name. Oh, she was born Maria Halle Berry, so she just goes by her middle name. Okay, that's fine. I go by my middle name. Yeah. My first name's Balthazar, so I also go by my middle name. Halle has a good name. Oh, she was born Maria Halle Berry, so she just goes by her middle name. Okay. That's fine.

I go by my middle name. Yeah. My first name is Balthazar, so I also go by my middle name. Yes. Balthazar Sean Patrick Jordan. Balthazar Sean Patrick Jordan. I didn't know that. Balthazar.

I didn't know that. Yeah. My middle name is George. I don't. I know it is. Mine's Ann. Ann. Ann's good.

George is good because you could go by Gorgeous George. Yeah, and I do. Anna Green Gables. My company's name is Jorge Gorgeous. Oh, really? Yeah. You were going to name it Chocolate Starfish in the hot dog flavored water, but somebody took that.

Somebody took it. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Limp Bizkit. I don't know. I don't know the Bizkit. That's serious. Limp Bizkit.

You don't know Limp Bizkit? It was Limp Bizkit. No, I'm five years older than you guys. So that was like my brother's music. I didn't listen to Limp Bizkit. Oh, my God. I have food. Oh, guys. So that was like my brother's music. I didn't listen to Limp Bizkit. Well, I got it at four! Oh, God.

Also, Nikki was the one that used it. I wasn't watching. I'm sorry, Marissa. I think you're fine. You were pretty far from the mic. I think I was all right. Anyway, I just sang a pretty much spot-on version of Limp Bizkit's cover of Fate. Yeah, that was... Fred Burst.

Fred Burst in the room and sang that. Just like Ditchard Dreyfuss. Ugh. Ha ha! Everybody knows that's his real name? Aha! You even dropped it during a set the other night. I was furious.

Yep. Just like randomly, just like brought it up during a set and was like, Ditchard Dreyfuss? I was doing something. I'm going to put a little inside joke. You're a very factual comedian, so you like to say facts during your set. Oh, yeah. Fact check. Fact check.

From a career of working in late night, every joke has to be rigorously fact checked. Yeah. Ditchard Drey drive us from always. Do you like any Christmas songs that anybody's heard of? Yeah, like I like all the regular ones too. Like I like the one about going to see the tree downtown, you know.

What? What the fuck are you talking about? All the regular ones. Were you playing mouth with that topical weed earlier? No. The one with the Christmas chicken. What song is that? Like, we're all gonna go see the tree downtown.

Those can't be the lyrics. You're making this up now. No, I'm just trying to remember the song. We're all gonna go see the tree downtown. It's a Christmas tradition that we all love. Pack up the kids, grab a squirt gun. Drink a Capri Sun, eat some nuts. Tie your grandma to the car.

Drive the 88, you won't get far. We're all gonna see the Christmas tree downtown. Ladies and gentlemen. Put a saddle on a sheep ride that sheep go to the store and buy a jeep this is Idaho bashing this is just your

four of your Idaho bashings that you were doing the other night Idaho's governor is a goose it is not a goose it is not it's a regular

it's a gander it's a gander no instead of TV they just take a cardboard box and put a frog in the box They gather around and say

Look at that frog Then they marry their cousin No we don't Idaho got mad Idaho Damn it Idaho shit No it's just a regular Christmas song

And they like They go Wait that wasn't It's cold outside That wasn't the song Are you talking about Baby it's cold outside Baby it's cold outside

But I do like that one And I know that's a controversial song but I like that song and I always thought it was very sexy. I think so too. I like the song too. I was going to bring that up.

I was going to ask you that but I didn't want to be a dick. I like that song. Because I always thought they were going to have sex. Yes! And she's just more like, listen,

I want to have sex with you but everybody's going to be weird about it. I want to stay. It's social mores. Yeah. She's not, he's not being rapey. He's like,

just stay, just stay. She wants to, I always assumed they had sex at the end of the song. He's spitting game. Yous. Yeah. She's not. He's not being rapey. He's like, just stay. Just stay. I always assume they had sex at the end of the song. He's spitting game. You know? Yeah. He's like, I got you a drink. I hung up your coat.

Like, he doesn't seem like a bad dude at all. And I always felt he was tongue in cheek. Like, I really can't. I know. I really can't stay. I'm like, you can stay. Maybe it's cold outside. I know.

And especially when you hear the versions of it, the woman in the song's never like, no, dude, I really can't stay. I really can't stay. Please give me my coat. I am trying to leave your house. Dude, get the fuck away from the door. Please. I'm gonna mace you next.

Like, it's not, there's no vibe like that. That's your third favorite Christmas song? That's my third favorite. I'm gonna mace you next. Christmas mace in Santa's face. It's by Mariah Carey. Mace you next. Okay.

I do. It goes, Christmas mace in Santa's face. He really should have He's next. Okay. I do. It goes, Christmas mace in Santa's face. He really should have told us he was coming down the chimney. Christmas mace in Santa's face. Next year he's going to die. Oh, man. No, I like Santa Baby. I've always liked that.

I love that song. Santa Baby. Santa Baby. Did Marilyn Monroe sing a version of that? Probably. Is that where I get the sexy one? You're making a Mr. President. No, I'm not.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. But didn't, who sang that? Isn't there like a second, like, Santa baby? Everybody who sang that song was sexy as well. Isn't that Eartha Kitt? I don't know. Is the version we all know and love?

I think a lot of sexy women sing that song. Because it's such a sexy, like. And then the last one is Mariah Carey's Christmas song. Because that is the best Christmas song of all time. We watched the video last night. You don't love it. Christmas song I really love is that Baby Please Come Home by Brenda Lee.

Is it by Brenda Lee? Christmas. Christmas. Oh, yeah. That's like the... Baby please come home. That feels like it's 10 minutes into come home That's like It feels like it's 10 minutes

Into most holiday movies Yeah Or like they're driving To the airport or whatever Yeah That's a dope song I have to grab my computer charger Y'all keep talking about

Christmas songs I like that Rundium song Rundium C No Rundium song Christmas time in Hollis, Queens Mom's cooking chicken In collard greens I love that And I also love Do you remember Sean You might remember this Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens.

I love that. And I also love, do you remember, Sean, you might remember this. In the 90s, there was like a rap Christmas song. How did it fucking go? It was like Salt-N-Pepa were on it. Damn it. Do you remember, Emma? I don't think so. It was in the 90s.

It was like, oh, man. Shit, let me try to Google it. Because it was like, I love that song. It would come on the radio. Well, this is pornography on my phone. Man. I don't have a laptop. That happened to me at work an undisclosed amount of days ago.

I don't know why that would matter, but I pulled up. Yeah, they're going to pull your records. I opened Safari, and it was just like a graphic picture. I was like, holy buckets, dude. You jerked it off to pictures? All right, come on. Oh, that's really sweet. You know.

The pictures? Just a picture of Laura smiling. Oh. No, God, she'd be mortified if she heard that. But yeah, it was a real bummer to look at and be like, dude, what are you, a monster? You're at work. Have a recent Google search that's not porn. Damn, I don't know why I can't find it.

I swear to God, this was real. Ian, do you recall a Chris? It was like, man. No, I don't. It was like multiple artists, too. I'm looking here and I'm not seeing anything. No, not happening. This was just a Ghost of Christmas Past dream that you had.

This might be a Christmas miracle. Yeah. DMX. Ghost of Christmas Hip Hop. I just... Okay. No, I don't know. Honestly, my favorite one is Mariah Carey's.

Always has been. It's such a good one. Well, not always has been, but ever since that song. What song I don't like a whole lot, and it's heavy in the rotation, but I've never liked it, is Little Drummer Boy. It's just slow. Yeah. And it's very repetitive.

Kelly Jordan's one of, that's one of her go-tos. Is it? I'm like, mom, come on. Yeah. There's something about it. and I'm like, mom, come on. There's something about it. That song reminds me of specific Christmas getting a G.I. Joe General.

It was the big G.I. Joe toy when I was like six or seven maybe. And yeah, that song. God, we used to have the, well, I don't want to pick other picks, but we used to have like, anyway. Chestnuts roasting on the open fire. That's a good song. Chestnuts Roasting on the Open Fire. That's a good song.

Reminds me specifically of Christmas. Getting a, my mom bought me a Magna bike, if you guys are familiar with BMX. And it was like under something. And my mom was like, hey, David, can you go take that blanket and put it in my room? And I pulled the blanket and the the magna was underneath oh man almost peed almost peed on the floor blanket wrapping was a big one in my family my parents wrapped with sheets oh really there'd be something out of the tree but like there was five of us so they were like we're not wrapping everything there's just so many kids yeah so they

would just like put sheets on top of stuff a lot of times and you'd be like ha ha that's so great i man i think my favorite is i still love burl lives have a holly jolly christmas yeah have a like put sheets on top of stuff a lot of times and you'd be like, ha ha. That's so great. I mean, I think my favorite is I still love burl lives. Have a holly jolly Christmas. Yeah. Have a holly, have a holly jolly Christmas. Yeah.

Burl. He sings like his name's burl. Yeah. He sings like a fat dude for sure. Rocking around the Christmas tree for Christmas parties, you know, rocking around the Christmas tree. Have a happy holiday.

Or the Ronettes version of I Saw Mommy Kiss on Santa Claus on Wall of Sound DMX Sing and Rudolph Mommy playing the theme a little bit have you guys seen that video

oh yeah DMX Sing and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer oh god we were watching some DMX last night it was tight I love him but the point is

I also oh you know what I like too is that Hark the Herald Angels sing I like that song oh you know what I like too is that Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I like that song. You know what I like is the one with the bells. Where it's just ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

I like that one. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding111.1 Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench.

Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Judi. Dame Judi Judi. Dame Judi Judi. Dame Judi Dench. For real though, you got to get that album. Beautiful.

Get that album on a t-shirt. What's your first pick? My first pick? Holy shit. Two hours in's uh your first my first pick holy shit two hours we're on the first pick still yeah my phone died i don't even have my notes i'm freestyling my first pick is getting uh the perfect present for someone yeah i love it it's a good feeling when you give somebody exactly what they wanted yes like. Like, oh man. Cause you're like, I nailed it as whatever relationship I am to this person, a son or a friend or a lot, whatever. I nailed it.

I love her. I know it is just a fun, you know, it's such a great feeling. My grandma used to get, she'd call it a money tree where she'd just make a tree out of like a pipe cleaner, uh, like, you know, design and everything. And then like get money in there, like hold it, you know, and you see like fives and tens and shit.

And that's when you were like an adult, you got a money tree from grandma. And I remember the first one I got, first one I got, I was like, dog. All right. You know what's next?

Some uncle Tim schnapps. You know what I mean? Is that what he got? That's like an adult adult. He makes his own schnapps, right? Yeah. He makes everyone their own bottle.

Oh, does he make it out of Everclear? Big old family game of pass the shit is what we play. Does he make it out of Everclear? I don't know what he makes it out of. Because I know a lot of times when you make Everclear. Yeah, probably. When you make your own liquor, you base it with Everclear. It's so fun.

Especially when you're for a kid. Now that I got nieces and nephews. Yeah. When you get them the exact... I got my nephew Mikey a Batman outfit. Uh- When you get them like the exact, like I got my nephew Mikey, a Batman outfit. Uh huh. And then he just wore that Batman outfit everywhere. And he was like so stoked when he got it.

Yeah. But then he started jumping up and down and making kid noises. Like, you know, and you're like, I don't know man, but yeah, great.

Yeah. I'm like, you do you kid. Hell yeah. That is a good feeling. That is awesome. It's, it's the best feeling. When someone cries, when you get them a present. Hell yeah. That is a good feeling. That is awesome. It's, it's the best feeling when someone cries,

when you get them a present. Oh yeah. Sue Carmel is both great at the receiving and the giving end of that. Yeah. A lot of crying, a lot of waterworks in the old crib, the Carmel crib. Um,

Lopez just reminded me. So Anthony Lopez, you know, Anthony, he's a comic in Portland. Very funny dude. But he said his parents, this is the other end of that,

but his parents one time got him like a Game Gear and he opened the box and it was empty and they laughed at him. That's hilarious. Oh my gosh. Like just as a joke written, that's hilarious. Yeah, and he's like, there's no Game Gear. They're like, no, we can't afford a Game Gear.

So they did it for them to laugh. Oh my gosh. There was no Game Gear anywhere. He never got one. Oh damn God. There was no game gear. There was no game gear anywhere. No, he never got one. Oh damn. Isn't that cold blooded? My parents, for my birthday one year,

they, they were like, I wanted a new bike and we didn't have money and they were like, so they were like, okay, we got you a new bike

and they took my whole birthday party out like to the garage and then there was like this really beat up, shitty adult bike there but they had like spray painted it blue and I was like, oh, thank you so much and I was just so grateful and they're like this really beat up, shitty adult bike there. But they had like spray painted it blue. And I was like, oh, thank you so much. And I was just so grateful.

And they're like, no, no, we got you a real bike. Oh, man. Thank you so much. You hear that, Lopez? Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. I really appreciate it. And I like rode it around.

And they were finally like, listen, this was supposed to be a joke. And you were so sincerely grateful. Yeah, you just liked this shitty bike. Yeah, I was like, thank you! Sweet little young Emma. Seriously, that's awesome. How great did that make that real bike? Oh, and then when I got the real bike I was pretty jazzed. I was like, oh, oh, oh. I bet you they were just sitting there like, fuck, our dog is cool.

We could have just gotten, no, I think they were just like, oh, we didn't need to spend 80 bucks on a bike. We could have just given her this garbage thing painted blue. I think Sears is open. That's so sweet, though. Yeah, that's tight. Yeah, that's a good pick. I like that.

It's the best. Even sometimes when it's like a present, you don't even know that you want it. Like my mom, I remember one year, I think it was right when I moved down here, got me like a book that was like a catalog of all the, just like my comedy life up until that point. Oh, that's so sweet.

And then like I opened it, it was point. Oh, that's so sweet. I opened it, it was like, oh, oh, oh. You know? It sounded like the background of the, hi, hi, hi. The Return of Innocence. Man, they need to bring back those Gregorian chants. I'm into that, man. I liked it. I'm so into that.

I mean, if Drake just made a new one, he'd get it done. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'll figure it out. He's probably working on it right now. Probably in the lab. He's in there.

The factory. All right. Round one in the books. Round one in the books. Three hours in. Hour and 20 minutes in. My second pick is going to be, that's usually where we're at,

is getting a little bit drunk on Christmas morning. Oh. Christmas morning. Yeah. That's how we do it. Just like, just buzzed a little.

Just a little, just a smile. You're a little spicier than North. Rarely, rarely is it cool with everyone to wake up and be like, I'm going gonna have a drink

right snort yeah rarely and that's yeah christmas day there'll be uh there'll usually be a maybe a bottle of pendleton whiskey in the room yeah there's uh but more important than that it's the uh the old uh god what is it uh bailey's sure yeah bailey's we do bailey's in the coffee and then you're drinking coffee too. Just watching football or whatever. Just got a little buzz. It's great. Opening presents. Yeah.

It is fun with a little buzz for sure. The whole Christmas morning, they'd like bomb. We make like a, there's quiches. There's like croissants and sausages. And then like a big bread. Just like enough to get like a little warm.

Yeah. And it's just super fun. Especially now that like my siblings are older, you know, and we're all just getting get a little warm. Yeah. And it's just super fun, especially now that my siblings are older, and we're all just getting a little buzzed and hanging out and goofing around with each other. Yeah, that's a good thing. It's super fun. Yeah.

I just love it. Just a toddy waking up. You got your PJs that you got the night before? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your pajama pants where everyone's like, I'm giving you these. We're all going to wear them tomorrow.

Wear them tomorrow. Going to have a drink at the dinner table in the morning, watch the Lions get their shit. Wait, not the Lions. That's Thanksgiving. That's Thanksgiving. Never mind.

Anyway. And the Lions actually win on Thanksgiving. Did they really? Yeah. Didn't they get one this year? I think they lost this year, but statistically,

they actually win on Thanksgiving. I didn't know that. It's much like me at Rock Paper Scissors. Yeah. But yeah, getting a little buzzed on Christmas morning. I really enjoy it. Or whatever

your drug of choice is. You want to smoke a little reefer? Just toot a couple lines. Maybe you pop a molly. Do a little morning blow. just toot a couple toot a couple lines yeah maybe you maybe you Papa Molly wake up do a little morning blow yeah

you know just like yeah get festive white Christmas white Christmas white Christmas who wants to hit the slopes Jeremy it's 10 in the morning

he goes yeah mom I know yeah Merry Christmas I bought myself a mirror for Christmas yeah

doing gackers but yeah it's getting a little just a little Yeah, Merry Christmas. I bought myself a mirror for Christmas. Doing gackers. But yeah, just getting a little, just a little, just taking the edge off on Christmas morning. Yeah, I just got the edges rounded a little bit. I would say when you were a kid too, like- Getting drunk on Christmas. I know, just like the adults. Like you would be like unwrapping presents and everybody was just like, just that fun adult tipsy level. Where like everybody was like rosy-cheeked

and in a good mood. But you don't know what's going on really so you're just like Aunt Jan is killing it today. Why isn't Tim like this on Tuesdays in July? She keeps saying friggin'.

Friggin'. Fucking rip the friggin' thing. It's funny when somebody says fucking frick in the same sentence rip frigging rip the fucking thing open you know all right all right jenny calm down i posted that picture of the tom cruise cake and someone on twitter was like it's coconut go ask james cord what we think of coconut confectionery in the uk it's not positive let me just say this to all the british listeners right now wait i give a fuck what you guys think is delicious. Why isn't it? Yeah, blood pudding? Get out of here.

English breakfast pound sand. Eating a bunch of drinking boiled potato water. It's Christmas Day. Let's eat a boiled goose and some potato water. Save me the trouble, bruv. This podcast is slowly becoming very anti-British.

It's anti-British. Ain't nothing slow about it, bruv. Damn. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Prophesize. I've had some delicious food in England. I'm joking.

But I really don't care. And they make some delicious treats. They're treat people. I like coconut. I love coconut. Yeah, coconut's great. See, this person, I think, is wiling out on Twitter. How can you say the entire UK doesn't like coconut? love coconut Yeah coconut's great See this person I think Is wiling out on Twitter

How can you say The entire UK Doesn't like coconut Yeah you speak for all of them You guys have Jamaicans Yeah right exactly The British Don't fuck up a macaroon

Come on Everybody likes a macaroon Yeah It's the You know Sold off mate Emma it's time for your Second pick

This is where I look at the TV And then move the pie face And then back to the skateboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I was paying attention. Yeah, serpentine. Okay. Yeah, serpentine.

My pick is making and eating Christmas cookies. Oh, man. That's so good. So my grandmother handed down a bunch of recipes of of Christmas cookies that are like the special, like that's the cookies we make. And you make a bunch. You get together. You only make them at Christmas?

You only make them at Christmas. One of them is the peanut butter cookie with the Hershey kiss. Oh, I fucking love those. Those are my specialty. Damn. Really? You can make them? Those are my specialty.

Maybe we should go to Whole Foods later. Fucking grocery store right there. I'll make them for you. I'll make them for you. They're so good. Mad cookie sheets in there. They're so good. Mad cookie sheets in there. They're so good. Seriously.

Are we going to have a little Christmas afternoon? Honestly, you can patch up any relationship with those cookies. Like anything that's gone wrong, you're like, hi, hello. I'm so sorry. Here's these cookies. Thank you so much. I'm furious at you. Well, you're right.

It means patching. I'll make some cookies. You're right. I walked in on Laura cheating on me and then I made her some cookies and it was all better. She wasn't. She on Laura cheating on me and then I made her some cookies and it was all better. She wasn't. She's never cheated on me. The joke was me. You're a craftsman.

I'm going to go make you and him some fucking cookies. We'll just settle this. You guys finish up. I'll be in the kitchen. I'll be out of here quiet. By the time they're done, they come out and you're just filled with all that Christmas

cheer for making those cookies. And you're like, you know what? I hope you guys had a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We make little shortbread ones. We make little shortbread roundies.

Sure. Yeah. And then we do shortbread roundies. That just sounded so cute. Shortbread roundies. Shortbread roundies. And then the gingerbread men, you know, of course, that's a go-to. Snickerdoodles.

Those are a fun one. You know what? I don't actually...to. Snickerdoodles, those are a fun one. You know what? I don't actually, like, snickerdoodles are fine, but if I was drafting cookies, they wouldn't be in my top five. They're fine. They're a perfectly acceptable cookie. Maybe we'll have to have a cookie draft. I think I just heard cookie draft is what I heard.

Cookie draft. By the way, Christmas cookies. Christmas cookies is what you would like. By the way. That's why this guy's the head writer. That's why it says Ian Carmel on those paychecks. That's right. Christmas cookies.

Christmas cookies. Yeah, I think that's a great pick too. It's such a Christmas thing too. I think Christmas is like the most cookies I eat all year. Oh, yeah. It's not cookies most of the year. No, I don't really. We've talked about it before. We're savory boys. Yeah. It's not cookies most of the year. No, I don't really, I'm not,

we've talked about it before. We're savory boys. Yeah, I'm not a big sweets person. I don't really like cookies. I mean, I like cookies. Everybody likes cookies, but I'd rather have on it like a fucking

piece of sausage or something. Yeah, if Tom Cruise wants to send me a cake. All right. I'm not going to say no to it you know i'm not gonna not need the cake you know i'm gonna i'm gonna jump in both feet you know i'm not crazy i feel like people that's like the the cool kid thing to be like i'm a savory bitch but but then you get christmas like people come on no no are you saying are you accusing us of styling oh Oh, I did savory forever. You did savory forever? My favorite candy was even Reese's.

I used to trade all my shit for peanut butter shit. Mine was Butterfinger. I do like sweet things. So at work, they'd have cake and shit. And I'd say no. And they're like, oh, Sean doesn't like cake. And I'm like, listen, I fucking like cake. I don't want a piece of cake right now.

I don't like a lot. I don't like real generic Safeway don't like like real generic, like Safeway. Yeah. Cheap shit. Yeah. I could, I could take her leave. And also maybe it's I'm getting older and it just kind of messes with me, like messes with my blood sugar. It feels like if I eat like that wedding cake with that real sweet, thick frosting kind of thing, it just messes with me. Uh, you know, not like I, I don't treat the temple that well anyways, if you saw anything I did last night, but you know, if I have my druthers. Yeah, I was smiling. Smiling and profiling.

Styling, dude. I was styling. You look like that thick fan, Kike. Oh. I'm trying to say dyke with cake, and I said Kike in anti-Semitic style. Whoa, he keeps saying it. Which I can get away with. Yeah.

I was like. If you'd asked me what I thought was going to happen on this podcast, would I woke up this morning? That wasn't what I thought. That is, I did not think thought was going to happen on this podcast when I woke up this morning. That wasn't what I thought. I did not think we were going to get to that. I was trying to turn thick cake into a nickname. So you said thick Van K word is what you said, right? Yeah, thick Van K.

Damn. Cake. Thick Van K. Damn, son. We're kicking that K word. Damn, son. You know what the thing is? There's no...

You know how like... This is a Christmas podcast. We started with mouth. Y'all got a word that you've been able to take back and soften. There's no softening kike. No. Two hard K's. Two hard K's.

It's hard. There's no... Harsh. Man. It's soft with the Irish potato eater or whatever the fuck people call it. Goblin. Goblin? Baby stealing goblins.

Oh, they're goblins. Man, what a wild podcast today. This one, I like it. I like it. I like it. We're really touching on all the emotions. We are pumping laughing gas into here. So short, bright, roundies, what's your favorite? What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

No, no, no, no. My favorite Christmas cookie is definitely the- It's the peanut butter. Yeah. What do you call that one? I call it, we call them thumbprint cookies. Okay. Because you push them down and you put the kiss in them.

I like everyone's got their names for them. Yeah. It seems like a, yeah. What's your favorite Christmas cookie? So I like a Christmas cookie with, like a Christmas cookie with like a sugar cookie with the frosting damn it Sean that's what I was gonna say too

so thick that you can sink your teeth into yeah that's what I was gonna say too but like the but it's like almost like the frosting is

almost harder than the consistency of the cookie I would have like gotten that shell yeah and I can take it hard or soft

I honestly I'm just like. When you're playing mouth? Yeah. In a game, we're playing mouth. You freak bitch. You said, you freak bitch. I went through a period of saying freak bitch for a while. It's so fun.

People don't like it, but I heard Nathan Lund say it, and it made me so laugh. It's a fun thing to call someone. He was talking about somebody, and he was like, oh yeah, she's a real freak bitch. Man. I mean it as a positive. No, no, he meant it like. Lund, yeah, yeah.

She's a freak bitch, man. I get bummed when like Marissa's not here so we can hear those little giggles when like that came out of your mouth. It just would be fun.

I bet there's a few of those. Oh, so you called Chris Paul an ugly lunatic? A butt ugly lunatic. A butt ugly lunatic. Oh, that's satisfying. Paul an ugly lunatic? A butt-ugly lunatic. Oh, that's satisfying. A butt-ugly lunatic. I'll die right at the top of that hill. Butt-ugly lunatic.

It's not a cookie, but I bring up Sue Carmela a lot, but she's the Christmas. Oh, yeah, it's Christmas in Toronto. She fucking nails Christmas. She makes it at Rocky Road. Sure. Oh, shit. She makes ice cream.

Wait, an ice cream? Rocky Road is a confection. I don't know. It's a chocolate marshmallow. Follow up. You're throwing all Rocky Road is a confection. I don't know. It's a chocolate marshmallow. Follow up. You're throwing all these big words at me. Since I don't know what they mean, I'm going to take them as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale.

And help me host the Oscars. Help me host the Oscars. Help me get booted from hosting the Oscars. Rocky Road is like a candy. You might get a seized candy. I didn't know that. Then they'd put it in ice cream. That's Rocky Road ice cream. Like peanut brittle, kind of? That kind a seized candy. I didn't know that. Then they'd put it in ice cream. That's why I grew an ice cream.

Like peanut brittle, kind of? That kind of a situation? I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't know that. You know what I like for Christmas? My mom used to... She got plugged into this shit from these Filipina ladies she used to work with.

It's called Bar of the Gods or something. Oh, Divinity? Yeah. My mom makes those around Christmas, too. No, Divinity is different. Oh, okay. Bar of the Gods. Do you know what? It almost looks like a brownie bar or something, but it's not. yeah my mom makes those around christmas too and those things is different oh okay bar the guy do you know what it's like it almost looks like a brownie bar or something yeah it's like a seven

layer bar or like they're called heaven bars yeah and they're like and they're like brown and oh my god it's like buttered something on the bottom that shit is divinity is really good too though i know some people don't like it but that's what's divinity it's that white fluffy it's just like it's just egg whites no it's very it's that white fluffy. It's just egg whites. No, it's very light. It's like egg whites and powdered sugar, I think. Oh, they put it on top of cookies and stuff.

Yeah. But it's just like fluffy and they make it into cookies. I like that. I like that. I know what you're talking about. Marzipan is a pretty fun word. Marzipan.

Marzipan. Marzipan. Come on down to Waffle Top and throw a special holiday tray of marzipan. Wack for a special holiday tray of Martha Pan. Wacky, inflatable, failing tool man. We've made Martha

Pan villages for you to stomp all over like Godzilla. Get out of my dreams and into my car. Seriously, Doug? That would be great. Sean, tell me your second pick. I'm going to pick Driving Around Looking at Christmas Lights. Peacock Lane.

Man, that takes me back weeks. One of my favorite things. We even did it last year. I did it with Dave Ross and Sharpie and Kyle Ayers. I remember. You said you guys were getting drunk in the back seat. I was getting drunk in the back seat. I saw you the day after that.

You were stoked on it. We went over to Pasadena. They have a shitload of... Where you at? Pasadena. Pasadena. Then we went all the way up to Sacktown and played Mouth. Bay Area and Backtown? Yeah. They have like actual lanes in Pasadena. I'm sure they got it all over

LA, but like lanes, like Peacock Lane and shit. And in Sioux Falls, they had like a map of all of his like Gingerbread Lane, Candy Cane Lane, Peacock Lane and shit. And in Sioux Falls, they had like a map of all of his like Gingerbread Lane, Candy Cane Lane, Peacock Lane, Angel Lane. There's like a whole map through the whole city. That's where you used to score angel dust. Oh yeah, Candy Cane Lane. I'm going to go to the bathroom, no school to go, Candy Cane Lane, if you know what I

mean. I was tapping my nose for everybody listening. I, yeah, no, I love, that also takes me back. Because we always lived in apartments growing up. We never really lived in a house. So it would be one of those things where like, and my mom also, bless her heart, my mom would like put Christmas lights

just like around our window outside of our, or like on our balcony. Oh, yeah. I love her so much. Yeah, we did that. Yeah, we used to drive around and look at all the time. It's fun. And, like, it's, I wasn't, like, we didn't do a bunch of family stuff when I was a kid.

Like, we didn't do a ton of it. Because, you know, it was, like, me and my mom for most of my life. And then my stepdad was there. But they weren't married until I was, like, 15. By then, you're like, we don't want to do this stupid stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're out of it. When I was, like, yeah then you're like, we don't want to do this stupid stuff. Yeah, you're out of it. Yeah, it was one of those things where we'd all get together,

and John was like real into, my stepdad was like super into like, I'm driving, we're getting cocoa, we're going to drive to all these lanes, look at all the lights, and we're like, fuck yeah. And now when I go back, I'm the one that pushes for that. I'm like, fuck, let's all get a hold of ourselves, get in the fucking car, we're going to drive around, go to the rich neighborhoods, look at all these lights. It was dope.

Beautiful. That's what I do with my kids every year and that was kind of the same we had a blended family growing up and we didn't have like a ton of stuff we did so with my kids i was like we're do i'm gonna have like traditions for sure every year you always do that and that's what we always we do a thermos full of cocoa i'll drive around and there are actually a couple houses that are like real done up and you get out and they have like Santa sitting there. Hell yeah. You can go get a, it's pretty sweet. That's the best. We always did that.

That is a really, that's something I forgot that we used to do that. Yeah. Wow. That's a fun one. It's a sweet one. Yeah. Yeah. Good choice.

Hey, thanks. I appreciate it. Do you have a time for your second and third picks? My second pick, I thought it was going to be off the table. Don't you dare. So I'm pretty stoked. Don't you dare. Office Christmas'm pretty stoked. Don't you dare. Office Christmas parties.

Oh, all right. Or just like whatever your job is. Oh, that's such a good one. The holiday party is always cracking. It's always so cracking. Always, always. Peggy from accounting is wasted. The night this drops, I'll be at one.

Oh, dude. Counting is wasted. The night this drops, I'll be at one. Oh, dude. I've been to, for other people's work, I've gone to their Christmas party. Shout out to the Presidio Golf Course in San Francisco. As always, once an episode.

Lobster rolls, they had free lobster rolls one year. But yeah, the office Christmas party is just like, it's just always so much fun. It's fucking bedlam, man. I've had hella corporate jobs, like call center. Like I wasn't, I was at the base level, but like very corporate situations where they'd be like, we're going to rent out the Sheraton. And before the recession, like in the early O's,

they were just throwing money around. Like everybody wanted it. You walk in and they're like, here's a DVD player. Here's a Wii. And you're just like, duh. People were winning like big screen TVs at the raffle. They'd give you, so they'd set up a casino at ours and they'd give us like $600.

Be like, go gamble. And we're just like, or we could just take it. It was awesome. I always went and fucking blew it all. Cause they were giving us all kinds of shit anyways. But yeah,

those Christmas, everyone like, Oh, I guess everyone gets to see me when I'm blacked the fuck out. Oh yeah. it brings you closer you show up to work and they're like I don't know how either one of us got these black eyes but we still gotta sit

next to each other so it's fine especially when I was younger I feel like I would always show up after the Christmas party and people would be like yo we kept going oh yeah you know what I mean like there's always like the 5-10 people who just like took it to a second location right uh-huh you never go to i would never second location not work all right we're all going to the crowbar are you in like yeah i was always in

i'll go to pop-a-docks with you yeah you're in yeah they got a pool table all right yeah i'm in i don't know do you guys maybe you guys don't have to do this but i do a lot of corporate christmas i get a lot of money this time of year because I do corporate Christmas. That's like big money. I used to do it. So I'm always like the fly on the wall who's like kind of the,

like I have to do like an hour of clean comedy while people are eating their lobster rolls and winning DVDs. And I'm like, oh man. Cool, cool, cool. You're like, I'm at work too, guys.

What a ridiculous thing to be like, all right, watch this comedian while you eat your food. Oh yeah. I did one at Home Depot last year in the home depot what and last year oh yeah no in portland uh in the home depot maybe it's two years ago but there it was like in the aisle and they passed out everyone's bonus checks while i was up and i could see people trying to be cool and like watch me and i'm like open your bonus check dog yeah yeah you know I'm just up here I'll do the dance I don't need you to be looking at me just look at your check that's what you're stoked about yeah in San Francisco for two years I did the Mitchell Brothers Theater the strip club yeah I did their holiday that's the name of a strip

club called the Mitchell Brothers Theater yeah yeah yeah it really famous. It's off of Geary, I believe. That's just a funny name for a strip club. It was like, it was the best. I'd be up in the dressing room smoking weed with all the strippers and their boyfriends and then when we did the set, it was like Caitlin Gill used to do it, Emily Heller would be there. They had

an incredible buffet, like crab legs and shit like that. And when you would go out, you would tell your jokes and the strippers would throw money at you. Oh, that's amazing. That's so fun. Every year that I did it, I made like three, 400 bucks. Which for me, especially back then,

four, five, six, seven years ago, when I really needed the dough. Oh, dude. Give me 400 bucks right now. I'll be sneezing at it. Yeah, man. It was like, that was one of the funnest. And it was just, strippers are fun, man.

Strippers are so fun. It was so much fun. It was them and all their significant others and just smoking hella weed, eating good food. It was just, those were good holiday parties. That's like a dream gig. Shout out to Sean Keen. He moved away.

He gave it to me. And Caitlin Gill. They both kind of put me in, gave me the alleyway. Hell yeah. Off his Christmas party. Portland never had that. Honestly. Yeah, that is weird.

They might have. They just probably fucking. We would have been invited. Not us. Yeah. If they were having comedy at it at all, it wouldn't have been us. Right. Us, bro.

Us, bro. Us, bro. Two years ago at the Late Late Show Christmas party. I was going to start. The lead up to the Christmas party is a very stressful time of year. Right. Because you're trying to capitalize on all these Christmas bits, shoehorn all these things into the show.

Yeah. You're about to go on break for two weeks, so they don't take it easy on you at all. It's very stressful. So I was incredibly stressed out, right. Yeah. You're about to go on break for two weeks, so they don't take it easy on you at all. It's very stressful. So I was like incredibly stressed out, right? Yeah. And so the night of our office Christmas party, the writers just, we started drinking when the show started taping.

So we started popping bottles and just hanging out and everything. Yeah, because what are you getting? You know, you can't change anything once the show's taping. And it was one of those things where I was so stressed out and I didn't have dinner that I got like so drunk so fast. We were like, oh, you know, I had like three drinks and I'm like, oh shit. Like, where will you feel like, you know, when like the sneaker wave takes your feet out from underneath you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I ended up just sleeping at work. Yeah, I remember that. I slept on the couch in the writer's room. I was just like, I. This was two years ago, right? This was two years ago. Because I... Man, I'm trying to think if I was here or not,

because I think I got worried. Oh, I don't know. You may have. Yeah, I'm a little worrywart, but... I gave Nate Fernald my keys. I said, you don't even let me near these, you know? And then just fell asleep for the night on the couch. It ended up being the smartest thing.

I woke up at 4, walked to the office kitchen because they catered the party. Awesome. And there was a big tray. There was like a noodle bake in there. So I just went to town on this noodle bake at 4 a.m. Yeah. Chilled and watched.

I went and sat at my desk and watched like old Monty Python videos or something just to like catch the time. Yeah. And then at like 6.30, Nate texted me and told me where my keys were. I drove home, took a shower, drove back to work, had a good day at work. Yeah. Awesome.

Yeah. Hilarious. Last year, took it very easy. Yeah. Wore a suit, danced a little bit. Oh, that's right. Yeah. This year, I'll be taking it even easier.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a fun like getting a little bit older and being like I'm just gonna do this party like a normal I don't have to do that what was I doing

and like I'm gonna go home I'm gonna do some stuff after this I'm gonna do some breathing exercises maybe before we start drinking just really like trying to calm myself down so I'm not like eat a full lunch eat a full dinner heavy Eat a full dinner. Heavy, heavy lunch. Have a Barry Darrison.

Barry Darrison. Barry Darrison. So, Office Christmas Party, great pick. Your third pick? My third pick. So, it's really any... It's really anyone specifically, but I'll just say the collective. I love the mall.

Damn it. At Christmas. Shit, man. Just like... It's just like and it's not just the decorations obviously is like

that was my next I thought I was gonna fucking get it dude you know you gotta be you didn't get it dog

I thought I was going to you didn't get it commerce like I just love being around busy busy motherfuckers

and it's like over Christmas it's like an added feeling of like we all know where, like if you ever have to buy some shit, like last minute,

you gotta go to them on the day before. I love it. And like, it's just like, we're all doing this. It feels like the workers are in a better mood. Yeah. Like everybody in there is like,

Hey, okay. It's cold outside, but like I'm buying shit for people I love and they're going to be so stoked tomorrow. And you just like, and it doesn't feel like that any other time of year. Yeah,

going to the mall like on the, like on the 4th of July or something's terrible. Well, the mall's never terrible, but like going around Christmas, just the fucking,

you get out of the cold, you're inside, everyone's warm, you're like kind of in a fun mood. Yeah, you get like, maybe you get like

some kind of Starbucks that you don't usually get. Yeah, totally. Yeah, exactly. And you're spending money on people. It feels great. Like that's when you get a little older and you're like, I like spending money on people. You know, I like doing good

things for other people. Yeah, it's just going to the mall. It's just like, and it's always been I've always just loved the mall. Me too. You know how they have the giant decorations too? You're like, this is just a big box that they put some paper on. But it's real big. It's so big.

So big. And it has a big bow. And I love it so much. There's this giant bell for some reason on some shit. Or like some malls have the ice skating rink. Oh, my gosh. And an age center. Clock of this town center.

It's just like, yeah. Something about the mall at Christmas time is so good. Candy canes the size of my dad just sitting there for some reason. You're just like, yeah, something about the mall at Christmas time. Candy Cane's the size of my dad. Just sitting there for some reason. You're like, fuck yeah, dude. Santa's in there. You know what I mean? I used to love going to Santa's.

All Santa. All that shit. Yeah, the mall at Christmas time, man. Man, I really thought I was safe with that. I don't know why, because I know my company here. It ain't never safe. So don't get caught slipping. But especially not here, man. I don't know why, because I know my company here. It ain't never safe. So it don't get cost 11, but especially not here, man. Yeah, I know.

This draft was like, I know that it was going to be This is going to be exciting for Christmas, though. I'm stoked. I'm stoked to go to Alabama. Ooh, Bama. Bama-Lama. No, I'm stoked. No, the beautiful beaches. Yeah, no. Laura, I love you. We're going to get married. Is it me? Oh, Sean, third pick.

I'm going to pick. I'm going to pick. Man, you really fucking threw me off. I'm going to pick gingerbread houses. I love making gingerbread houses. That was one of mine. It's always been. Was it on your list?

It was on my list. I love it. Yeah. It's fun. I know it wasn't on either one of theirs. No, it wasn't. But I have gingerbread homes. But sir, does gingerbread houses do a gingerbread home?

Gingerbread projects is what I'm taking. Just like kind of a field. Ginger across the board. There's just a bunch of them. Home or land and nobody wants. The whole table is like a single cracker. Gingerbread low-income housing. Section eight gingerbread.

Gingerbread Marcy projects. It's like 10 feet high, but it's just real thin. What do you like about gingerbread houses? I just like making them. And we did it last year with Laura's, their whole family. They've never done it. Their whole family, we did it with her nephew

who was two, I think. It was just real fun. Oskie Woskie. Oskie Woskie. Let's get that gingerbread house, Oskie. It's fun. You get to do whatever you want to it. I get to buy all the gummies and decorate it with all the gummies. That's always fun.

I know what I'm going to do. When do you normally eat a gumdrop? Never. You're not just out there eating a gumdrop. But then when you have them and you're making those, you're like, we're saying with Red Hots. Yeah. Red Hots are such a good thing. I love Red Hots.

But you never eat them otherwise. Yeah. Are gumdrops supposed to be like a movie candy? Is that supposed to be shit you buy at the movies? I think that's some turn of the century shit. Oh, and it only survives. They still have. It's just like, life sucks. Here's a gumdrop

or whatever. It costs half a penny. Everyone's got typhoid fever. Sorry about the dust bowl. Here's a bag of gumdrops. It costs a penny, but that's all the extra income you have that month. Yeah. Laura's dad got real competitive last year. Not in a bad way,

but he was just really into having his shit be the best. The general? Yeah, it was tight. Wow. You know Laura's dad's a four-star general? Oh, wow. Of the chicken army? The regular ass Air Force.

Air Force. Oh, like the plane one? Yeah. Wow. That's who I got to impress with my terrible handwriting. An Air Force general. Oh, like the plane one? Yeah. Wow. Oh. That's who I got to impress. With my terrible handwriting. An Air Force general.

You better get that. That beard is not up to code, sir. You better get that. No, no, this is going to be all- High and tight. Yeah, yeah, high and tight. You got to chop that off, soldier. Yeah. You could bounce a quarter off with that.

You could have a clean mustache, though. I could have a very clean mustache. Yeah. You should do, like, for this year, while you're down there and you're doing the gingerbread thing, do like a, like a rebuild of some famous fort. Oh yeah.

From, you know, be like, Oh, this is from the battle of 18. Yeah. That's a good idea. And you can make the little,

you'll notice this is Fort Bragg over here. General. And then I just stand there with my buttons perfectly in line with my zipper. You know what else you could do is a real power move. Fight him. Well, that I was thinking. Challenge him to mouth. Challenge him to mouth.

I'm calling you out, General. I just lean in. Listen. Put an empty revolver on the table. Hey, we're going to play mouth, me and you. This gun has no bullets in him. Let's play mouth. Three rounds of mouth.

Winner take all. This is for you, Laura. Oh, hell yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, gingerbread houses. Laura, gingerbread houses. How do we go from gingerbread houses to mouth? But we did, you know?

Are you just buying a bunch of our t-shirts, Ian? I'm just looking. Oh, okay. This whole draft we've been sitting over here, I'm like, is Ian just getting a bunch of our t-shirts? I'm just getting some looks done. They got a lot of good looks. Yeah.

Yeah, no, gingerbread houses are very fun, though. Yeah, I'm in. Time for your third pick. I didn't have to worry about this one being anybody else's pick i don't think same with my next pick um because i this is maybe a little controversial because a lot of people hate them but i love a children's christmas concert like rapping or something like you know maple elementary and then you like i have to go to a lot of those because of my kids. And I have, they're boring and they're a lot to sit through. They're not boring, they're fucking awesome. But they're also so funny and hilarious.

And always, because my kids also like are cards. And so like, like my oldest is autistic, you know? So for every- My middle brother is autistic. Middle little brother. Well, if you've ever attended one of his Christmas concerts, that can be a real roller coaster. It's rough for him.

It's heavy for him. It's heavy for him for sure. He would move out in front of everybody sometimes and sing louder than everybody, but then wander away for a while and then come back. And I always just thought it was like the most wonderful, funny thing just watching the kids.

Like there's always one kid who has to pee and is like wandering around the stage a little like, can I go? And it's just always the most like.

Someone's terrified. Somebody is like shaking and they're like, they have a two and a half second solo where all they have to do is Santa. And they're up there just like shaking.

Christmas. I love it. I love a kid's school concert. I was a horse. I can't remember the name of the play, but I was a horse. And I remember my line. I was a Southern.

I put my own spin on it. It wasn't a Southern horse, but I was like, I'm gonna be a Southern horse. And I think I was in third grade. And it was when I stepped out and I go, Quigley don't care about nothing

except money. And then I stepped back. That was, Quigley don't care about nothing except money. And then I stepped back. That was my line. I think you did the right line right there. Acting's about making a decision. You made one. I had, it was like a cardboard horse that was cut out and like, they didn't even want me to step out.

And I was like, I'll be stepping out. I'm not doing this from the shadows. Yeah, what are you talking about? How am I going to shine behind everyone say it one more time hit us with the line one more time Quigley don't care about nothing except money could have been a tombstone

and I would have been there I would have been filming it and as soon as you finished I would have been like you nailed it kiddo thumbs up the whole time Christmas magic now You listen here. Now you listen here and you listen good. Quigley don't care about nothing.

Except money. Yeah. Jesus. Shit, man. Here's everything I got. Yeah. Are you robbing me? I don't know what you're doing.

Now you listen to me and you listen good. You listen good. I'm listening. Quigley don't care about nothing. I hear you. This is rocked up. Everybody hard. Oh, my God.

There was some tension. I got some butt boner happening over here. For sure. I'm blasting out the back of my shorts. Children's Christmas concert. Children's Christmas concert. Butt boners left and right. It's time for my third pick.

And my fourth pick, as it is, as it is. With my third pick, I i'm gonna take digging into that stocking oh yeah oh i like the pre-presence pre-presence yeah the pre-ejaculate of christmas if you will see we always our stocking was always if you will it was christmas day so we always did christmas eve presents okay stocking was the next day So it was always our like after. We were like, oh shit, another present. So we do stockings first on Christmas morning and then presents. Okay. So it's like you wake up Christmas morning, you do the stockings and then winter presents

like noon or something. Shortly thereafter. Shortly thereafter. But stockings is just like, that's how we did it. Like the appetizer. Yeah. Cause my mom would always, it would always be like Gak. Yes.

Like a little toy. But Sukama keeps it going. So we'll get like, or Santa Claus. Like a little toy. But Sukama keeps it going. So we'll get like, or Santa Claus. Santa Claus keeps it going. Santa Claus keeps it going. So you'll get like some socks. Maybe you'll get like a little candle in there. You get some candy.

Oftentimes, back in the day, you'd get a hard sausage. You know, a hard one from the Hillshire Farms. Yeah, from the Hillshire Farms. I love those, yeah. Chocolates. Dude, I'll tell you, I'll have a couple drinks at Tommy Jack's, and I'll eat one of those like it's a fucking stick of jerky. Apple. Dude, I'll tell you, I'll have a couple of drinks at Tommy Jack's and I'll eat one of those. Like it's a fucking stick.

Oh man. If I got like, if I got some cheese or like a crack, some come on. Like I love the, well, okay. I don't want to get in.

You make the charcuterie board in your mouth. Yeah. I'm down there having a conversation with Kelly Jordan, holding that thing. Like it's normal to just be chewing the whole thing. Oh yeah. Absolutely. I'm like,

you wouldn't believe what Smith did at Tommy Jack's. Like she gives a shit, you know, but she does cause she knows Smith. I just love it. It's normal to just be chewing the whole thing. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I'm like, you wouldn't believe what Smith did to Tommy Jacks. Like, she gives a shit, you know? But she does because she knows Smith. I just love it. It's just a little melancholy. Some of the things you may never use again. They're just for the giggles. They're like a chattering set of teeth.

Yeah, like a little toy. It's like little trinkets and stuff. It's just fun. It's like appetizers for Christmas. I just love it. You know, I've been known to say this from time to time. They'll say it. But this is so fun.

This is so fun. It seriously is. This is fun. You think something, you just sit and you're like, fuck, man. We're lucky. We are lucky. We just get to sit here and do this. Yeah.

People listen to it. It's crazy. And Sean? Huh? Except money. I was waiting for it. I knew it was going to happen. I like it.

Fuck Quigley, dude. Except money. I don't want him to be my stepdad, but he is. Fucking Quigley over here. I mean, if he didn't care about money so much, then I guess we wouldn't be rich. We're rich. Yeah, man.

Stockings. Kelly Jordan used to, or Santa Claus, rather, used to do at Gigglebee's, she'd go get a bunch of tokens, and then she'd give us a card and tape like 30 tokens on the inside of the card. Yeah. And then we'd open the stockings, and we'd and we don't go to giggle Shane's headlining giggle be soon right yeah he is yeah and Sheboygan yeah he'll be right next to the cruising USA

machine well he's he's actually headlining he's gonna headline giggle bees south it's like the one that not a lot of people go to it's the suburbs club it's in it's in Champaign it's right outside of Chicago next week I'm'm doing Gagglebees. That'll be about $1,200. Oh my goodness. The cranberry. He's the best. I'd love to hear his

Christmas picks. Gravy. He probably likes a watered down hot chocolate. I feel like, you know, when it's just too much water, not enough to pack it. Oh, now y'all are getting in on it too. That's what he's saying. I like to take my hot chocolate outside and let some fresh rainwater get into it. And then I bring it back in and drink it.

Do you guys do your hot chocolate with milk or water? Water. Milk. I do water. See, I do water and I do a lot of powder. Me too. Double pack it. I double pack it. Yeah. Same amount of water. I use I do water and I do a lot of powder. Me too. Double packet. I double packet.

Yeah. Same amount of water. I use Weenog. I love it. We talked about it at the top. It'll get you sick. Weenog. You're going to have to pump your stomach.

That's what happened to that girl in junior high. Dude, if you would have been to sleepovers over Christmas, we'd play hot chocolate and it's real buck. Yeah, it's real buck. It all ends with a load of napkin. In the closet. I forgot that I said that already. What a gross thing. Gotta be candid on here, you know?

We're deep in it. My fourth pick is just the city in the few days leading up to Christmas. yeah it's so great you know if you're in a major city it's probably kind of empty yeah well i mean like i don't know it's just i don't know la is kind of empty but like san francisco empties out i used to love san francisco right before christmas but it's like nobody's at work so people aren't necessarily yeah maybe it

does it calms down for sure it calms down yeah like the city tones down there's lights up on all the big buildings you know maybe there's a huge tree in the middle of town like even if you have a huge tree in the middle of town that's my thing it's also that feeling of like even if you have to work you're not really no you're really like you might go in but we're like we're talking it's christmas yeah that is fun that yeah yeah that last shift before even in retail the last shift before christmas because it was like at least the day will go by quick yeah yeah yeah um but maybe it's a little snowy if you're somewhere where it's a little snowy it's a little cold snowy portland's been snowy the last couple years um it's supposed to snow in the south

i like i'm really hoping it's bama lama yeahama. Man, you don't want those problems. They'll go nuts. I know, yeah, you're right. There's gonna be hella car accidents and stuff. Give a shit. I just love the city at Christmas. Like, people are in a good mood. Yeah. There's Christmas music coming out of every store, you know?

There's that whole, that anticipation, the hope, you know, just that buildup to Christmas. And I love seeing the little, like, like a car rides by and it's got antlers on it. Yeah, I do, too. You know what I mean? Or just, like, there's a wreath over here. You'll see people in, like, nice Christmas clothes, you know, they're going to some party. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that. That is a good feeling. Yeah, dude. Yep. It's just fun. Feels good. Good times.

Emma, time for your fourth pick. I'm going to go with Christmas movie. Damn it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I thought I could get it late. I thought going to go with Christmas Movie. Damn it. I thought I could get it late. That's a great pick, though. We always, leading up, the kids and I have four or five movies that are, obviously, Elf.

You're going to watch Elf if you've got kids. Elf is good. We always watch Elf. This is one that nobody else has. I don't know. Maybe it's a generational thing, but nobody's heard of it. Is this like one of your songs? This is like one of my songs.'m gonna make you guys watch the christmas potato comes once a year all right in a sleigh pulled by potato reindeer no christmas potato says ho ho ho he's the happiest

potato christmas potato in idaho christ Christmas time is here Idaho potato I didn't even get that the Christmas potato he's got 15 eyes and he's watching you with them all the year dude Ditcher Dreyfuss

did a don't cover that oh my god yeah yeah Ditcher Dreyfuss Fred Burst later covered it Fred Burst Ditcher Dreyfuss

Limp Limp Limp Skizkit Credly Boopler but also what are your hit movies I want to know because I got ditchy drive Fred Burst later covered it Fred Burst ditchy drive limp limp limp skisket credibly boopler but also what are your hit movies I want to hear because I got my I want to hear you are

okay you probably haven't seen it or heard of it but we should watch it but in the 80s there was this thing the claymation Christmas not Rudolph

not that shit there was a claymation Christmas and it was two dinosaurs that it was all claymation and very and they two dinosaurs that, it was all claymation and very, and they did funny songs and like there's walruses that throw each other. What the fuck are you talking about? No, it's really great.

It's called Claymation Christmas. There's walruses that throw each other? Yeah, there's walruses that throw each other and they sing, here we come, a waffling, and they like make fun of the song. Sure. It's a whole thing. And the kids and I watch that on YouTube every year. You can find it on YouTube.

Okay. And we watch Elf. And you know, those are just, and the classics you watch like. Will Vinton's A Christmas. No, no, no. That's not it. No, that is it. Oh my gosh.

That is it. Will Vinton's A Christmas, Claymation Celebration Christmas. Yes. That's the one. Claymation in the name. I thought you were describing it. I was doing both. Okay.

And it is all Claymation and it's, I don't know. Will Vinton? I don't know who that is. Based in Portland, Oregon. Oh, is it? Oh, my God. Ian, put your shirt on, dude. That was wild.

You just ripped it off. I love a Christmas story. That was our big one that we would watch. And my mom, being as how she is foreign, calls it, you'll shoot your eye out. So she's like, are we going to watch you shoot your eye out? Yeah, mommy, we're going to watch you shoot your eye out. That's so cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are we going to watch you shoot your eye out? I thought my kids were getting older. So like last year, I was like, my youngest and I were going to watch Elf. And then I didn't think that other boys would care and they came home from a friend's house and they're like what the fuck are you watching Elf without us I was like yeah but I didn't think you guys

and they were like don't you ever watch Elf without us again that's gotta be a good feeling though to be like they still love it they still want to do it they still love it they're still sweet boys Christmas is great tune in to last week's episode They still want to do it. They still love it. That's sweet. Oh, man. They're still the sweet boys. They're still sweet boys. Hell yeah.

Christmas is great. Tune in to last week's episode to hear a full two-hour discussion of Christmas movies. That's right. Yeah. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Now, tell me if I can take this, but I'm going to pick just the holiday cheer. Can I pick that? Oh, yeah.

Just the general good vibe of everyone, or has that sort of been picked already? I don't think so. I'm leaving it up to you guys. I'm with it. Sure. It's Christmas, man. Here's the way I think about it. I try to live my life. I try to just be nice and try to

be cool and spread that around. Literally, no one has ever said that about you. But like, it feels like around Christmas, everybody shoots for that a little bit more. And I wish it just happened all the time. Unfortunately,

it doesn't. But around Christmas, everybody is just, just in that mood. It's like the time of wonder, the possibilities, like what could be if I were, if I tried to be the best person I could be.

And it seems like everybody does that around Christmas. And I'm to be the best person I could be and it seems like everybody does that around Christmas and I'm thrilled about it and it's whatever it's hokey but it's how I want everything

to be everybody becomes Sean Jordan around Christmas everyone just becomes their best their best them you know everyone's like

fucking awesome around Christmas except for the Grinch yeah well that's fucking yeah but you should watch the ending of that

one of these days every time I'm like I'm not spending another minute on this guy. 45 minutes, I see what I need to see. This grouch. Every time, he's going down the hill and Ian's like, this guy's a dick. I don't want to watch this.

I go to my room and I do preacher curls. I don't want to wreck it, but you should eventually just watch the ending, you know? Yeah, he's never going to, man. I've been telling him this since before we met. I've given that green weirdo way too many chances. Way too many. Green motherfucker.

You know when someone shows you who they are? Believe them. That's my take on the Grinch. I feel you. I feel you. We'll meet him one of these days. Him and that Ebenezer Scrooge fella. I don't have another second in my life for either one of them.

You know, they can both take a long walk up a short pier. I'll point them to the shore. I'll drive them off of the pier. Friggin. I got a whole bag of sand they can pound. You know,

go fucking, go kick rocks, Ebenezer. Why don't you go suck some rope? You know what I mean? Whoa, whoa. I don't know. I made that one up.

Suck a lemon. I don't like it. Suck a lemon. I don't know, suck some rope, I like that. Why don't you go play mouth, Scrooge?

I thought it was a hanging joke. Oh my goodness. Whoa, rope. I like that. Yeah. I thought it was a hanging joke. Oh my goodness. Whoa. No, no, no. Oh, no,

no. No, no. Christmas. No, no. Shout out to our Australian listeners. You put up with us.

Somebody just DM me that said we should come to Melbourne. Yeah, we're going to, we're, we'll come to Melbourne as soon as that somehow makes sense. We need a... I'll tell you this. It's a lot of money

for a plane ticket to Melbourne. And we'll tell you that for free. We'll tell you that for free. Didn't I do that? Didn't I say... I'm just telling him one thing that I've accidentally stole from you

is I'll tell you this for free. I stole it from Phoebe Bottoms. It's not an ear criminal original. There you go. I love it. I'll tell you this for free. I saw Dracula in the domicile. Did Dracula trim up the old facial hair?

He did. Hell yeah, dude. Okay, this guy calls it the tombstone. I love having the tombstone. See, now you've got to do something. Make a move, man. I'm going to fucking shave. I think we're going to have a Christmas afternoon if you're interested.

I'll have a mustache by the end of the day. I think I'm going to have a Christmas afternoon. Oh, Zach's handing me a bunch of money because I bet him he would never shave any of his facial hair off. I said, he was like, I bet you I'm not handsome. And I was like, I'll take that bet. I'll take that bet right in the back. And he shaved his face, and he's goddamn gorgeous.

So I just made a mint. Zach just walks in all bummed out. I'll bet you I'm not handsome. I'll bet you you are, my friend. So I was about to money. Yeah. David, it's time for your fourth and final picks. My fourth pick is Christmas clothing.

Just, you know, I'm usually crip, but Christmas, I dip red. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Christmas? Yeah. Christmas, dude. Christmas. Merry Christmas. Well, I'm from it's actually brismas, but we don't have to have those kind of problems right now.

We don't have to celebrate Hanukkah because of the blue collar skin. Bump to Bompton. Bump. Yeah, it's just like. Bompton. And it's not even. I don't even love wearing Christmas clothing as much as. I just like seeing it.

Yeah. I like seeing somebody in a Christmas sweater. Somebody had like a little reindeer sweater at work yesterday. And I was like, hey, there he is. Yeah. I had a sweater in the room that says, slay my name, slay my name. See? That's adorable.

I love it. Or what all those Migos Christmas sweaters were going on. Oh, the Dab sweater? Yeah. I mean, just like. I never thought. Ian just did the Dab. I never thought I'd see the day.

Dab. Come on. You got to hit it one time. He fucking hates it so much i don't hate the dab yeah when i do it i hate when you do the dab wait oh god i hate it too is that how you do it why do you do it like that do it like what stop it is that how he always does it yeah oh that's jarring hey la, I can't wait to go to Alabama. Ugh, stop doing it.

How do you fuck up the dab? He does. I wouldn't say I did. You did. I would say you did. Potato, potato, right? Dab. Dab.

Dab. No, dude. You go like that. You do it so fast. It's so quick. Sean dabs like a kid on the, you know when you watch NBA League Pass and they show the dance cam in the arena? Yeah, that's what I'm going for.

Have you seen the little kid? That's how Sean dabs. Yep. It's like, and you don't bring your arm up to your face as much as you dip your head in. Yeah. Yep, yep.

Is it just the form is weird? I don't know. The whole thing is weird. We'll put it in the Slack. so the whole thing is weird we'll put it we'll put it in the slack me yeah well yeah we'll put it in the slack i'll take my licking i'll take a video i'll take a video of it right hold up yeah i'll take it's gonna ian's gonna take a video i'll take the heat you know and it's not too hot in the kitchen i'll stand right in there i'll take the heat when my um i had to go in for a parent-teacher conference, and one of the things my teacher said about my youngest is like, well, he's a great kid. He's very sweet. He will not stop

dabbing. You just sit down and go, listen, there's real problems in the world. I'm sorry that my kid's stoked. He will not stop dabbing. We're going to see the Sean Jordan dab right now. Are we ready? Here we go. Show me the dab. He won't stop dabbing. We're going to see the Sean Jordan dab right now. Are we ready? Here we go.

Show me the dab. He won't stop dabbing like that. Ugh. Oh, shit. Oh, David, what's that? An owl out there? I don't even think you understand. Well, hold on.

Well, you probably didn't get it because my hood wasn't up. I don't think you even understand conceptually what the dab. I don't think you even understand conceptually what the dab. I don't think you even understand. It's like an accidental dab. I feel like every time you do it, it looks like you kind of just fell into it. It's kind of a step dab. Oh, no. I think part of it is you don't, your wrist is, you don't, your wrist.

Spit it out, dude. Your wrist placement is bad. Whatever. It's like, it's kind of wonky. It's the hole. It's the hole. You're right's look at that oh shit it's the whole oh damn that says vip oh all right good for this audio podcast i'm just letting everyone know battle the barracks of vlp okay and my final pick and i can't believe i even got this i can't believe it's still on the board putting up the tree oh yeah me and solomon just did it in our house like a week ago it's just it's always like because it's

like putting up the tree is the start to it uh-huh yeah you know like it's like okay now or like and i haven't this this was the first year i did it as an adult and i hadn't probably helped put up a tree since I left home. 16, 17, but like. The carmy goes out into a Christmas tree farm and cuts down our own tree. Oh, that's so nice. It's a tradition I used to love until I moved to LA. So we do it the day after Thanksgiving.

Yeah. And it's hard to pack just a pair of boots to get money. Yeah, oh, that's a good point. So I never have the right shoes. I'm never dressed right. It's always like pack just a pair of boots to get money. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. So I never have the right shoes. I'm never dressed right. It's always cold and rainy. Kind of cold. I can't cut down my own tree.

It takes a long time. I've done it once when I was a kid. It takes a long time. Because they give you those shitty hacksaws. Yeah, the hacksaw. Exactly. And it's like they should give you a better saw. But I love when the tree goes up.

I love decorating the tree. Yeah. It's just they should give you a better saw. But I love when the tree goes up. I love decorating the tree. It's just a fun, and especially if you have a real tree, and just that smell in your house. Yeah. It's a lot of work, and I understand people not doing it, but that's one thing. Especially because, yeah, in the Northwest, there's so much, just the beauty.

You get these beautiful trees. You're surrounded by Christmas trees at all times. Yeah, and just to have that in your house it just smells fresh and it's just like and it's all lit up like

I just think about like yeah like all the stuff combined like the smell and like watching you'll shoot your eye out and it's dark but the Christmas tree

is bright oh and like even getting up in the middle of the night and you can go out and the tree is on and the lights are on that's my favorite

yes I love that that's such a nice feeling just saying that the other night petri you come out and like it's lit but it's not you know there's no lights on but the christmas lights are on so it's like i can fucking see everything it's all cozy i absolutely love it i love yeah the the no presence you know like that is like empty and yeah it's just like it's all potential and then you see it build over the time you're like or like I remember coming out on Christmas morning

being like oh shit that wasn't under there yesterday I know because I shook everything I always I always okay that's never mind that's for later

never mind Sean your final pick I'm gonna pick Santa Claus you know he's not real just like so when you're a kid there's the the lore

you know I just start bawling what do you mean he's not real. Just like, so when you're a kid, there's the lore, you know? I just start bawling. What do you mean he's not real? He cries like that. Were you guys Santa Claus people? I think I was for a little bit. We always lived in apartments, so it was debunked quick. We got around it.

Did you really? Did your mom say he came through the balcony? Came in the front door. I didn't take much. I wanted to believe in Santa Claus. With the faux faux? I remember distinctly looking out my window and seeing in my mind, I saw Santa Claus and some reindeer. I imagine what it was

was a streak by the moon. A drunk dude tied up to four other drunk dudes trying to get each other home. Santa Claus is out there playing mouth with a 40. In my mind, you know, your memories change. In my mind,

I remember looking out the window and like, fuck, there's Santa Claus and some reindeer flying through the sky. Now, what I think it probably was

was I was looking at the moon and there was a streak on the window that made it look like the moon was longer. You know what I mean? Or you don't know what I mean. Whatever it takes to get there. But I love, you know, you love it when you're a kid

and then when you're a grown up, you like that kids like it. It's just such an innocent thing. I dressed up as Santa Claus for a sketch at work. I saw it and I liked it. That's comfortable clothing. Oh yeah. He makes a good Santa.

I'm a good Santa. Santa Carms. You are a good Santa. Santa Carms. You are a good Santa. Santa Carms. I might do it again. Keep your eye on the late, late show. Sure. There might be another one.

Tune in. Yeah, Santa Claus. Emma, your final pick? Mine bounces perfectly off Sean's. Okay. Because, and I knew I could do this for my final pick, and nobody would pick it, because being Santa is the dopest thing ever. Getting to be Santa is like, because, you know, everything we've talked about, everything comes down to I get to stuff the stockings.

Yeah, you're doing it. And I get to do all the cute little shoppy things. And I'm the one who like, you know, it's like the, it's such a fun. My kids are older now and they don't believe in Santa. But like when they were really little and they were just like the magic of it and they would just. And I would do the whole thing because, you know, you write the letter write back, and my Santa handwriting was all scripty and curly-cuey. Oh, that's adorable. They would write a note, and then I would write it back on special paper.

For sure. You'd take bites out of the cookies and make sure that there's crumbs sprinkled around and do the whole thing. Oh, that is so sweet. It's so fun. I'm so glad to know that you're out there doing that. That's so good. For Oscar last year, Laura's nephew,

Kate and Rob put powdered sugar. They got a footprint sticky thing. They dipped it in some sticky stuff, put it on the floor, and then sprinkled some powdered sugar so it looked like snow footprints. They did it going up to the fireplace. It was insane. We did that. It's so fun. I would bite

carrots and put them out in the yard and be like, oh, it looks like probably. Oh, the reindeer. Goddamn reindeer. What? Eating all the candy. Really? You would throw like raisinets in the snow and be like, oh my God, the reindeer are here.

Can you believe this? Oh my God. Oh, that is so sweet. We did the whole thing. We did the whole thing. Your kids must love Christmas. They do love Christmas. They must.

It was a bit of a rough go when we did finally figure out that Santa was not real. Oh yeah? Because. That'd be a trick. I never, I don't remember that. Because you went Christmas. They must. It was a bit of a rough go when we did finally figure out that Santa was not real. Oh, yeah? That'd be a trick. I don't remember that. Yeah, because you went hard. We went hard. We went insane with the tooth fairy. The tooth fairy left no-

What the fuck was that shit in the fucking yard then, Mom? What the fuck was that? That was- What the fuck? He's just pissed. What about the fucking carrots? You ate the carrots? Oh, what about the fucking carrots you ate the carrots

oh you ate the fucking carrots that's exactly what happened with my oldest when he found out he was like but you could see him doing the math and he'd be like

what about the poop oh my god the poop wasn't real it's not real poop it was raisinets oh my god oh my god

you could just see him like running through the math of years of lies. Oh, that's so funny. Which is a troubling aspect of it. But it's so fun. It's so fun. It's worth it though.

And like the Christmas night, so Christmas Eve, I always put the boys to bed and then they go to sleep and then I go and I wrap all the presents and I do like where there's not very many presents

under the tree and then Christmas morning you come out and it's just like, rah, presents. That's what my mom would do too. The whole fucking living room she had the good shit

locked up for sure yeah I love doing that because I was a rascal yeah I bet you were don't ever dab at me you just dabbed again listen

you made a little noise listen it hurts my stomach it really kind of makes me uncomfortable it gives me the uh oh feeling yeah I don't know why. Like this dude might be fucking hard.

I wonder if you can do, can you floss? I don't know what that means. That floss dance? The front, front. I don't think so. That packhead dance? I don't like, I mean, I don't think so. Can you do the shoot?

I can't do the shoot. I doubt it. I can do the stanky leg kind of. Nah. I don't know if you can. I saw you dabbing. I can tensie roll. You can't do that. Do the first part of a crip I doubt it. I can do the stanky leg kind of. Nah. I don't know if you can. I saw you dabbing. I can tutsi roll. You can't do that.

Do the first part of a crip walk. I can slightly moonwalk with socks on on a wood floor. Emma can moonwalk. Can you really? I can.

It's crazy. Not in bare feet but I'm a very good moonwalker. With socks on we could do it. One time I stopped a fight at a bar because these two guys

were yelling at each other and I just like started moonwalking and everybody's like what's happening here and I just kept doing iting and everybody's like, what's happening here? I just kept doing it. I always wonder when people are good at moonwalking. Did you teach yourself? I did. I was obsessed with

Michael Jackson as a kid and I learned all the dances and yeah. Because his moonwalk is otherworldly. You broke up a fight by moonwalking? Yeah, I moonwalked. Michael Jackson didn't even do that. Wow. He started something.

Yeah. I mean, he started something. Gotta be starting something. Gotta be starting something. That is amazing. Yeah, that's sick. I, man. Hey, huh?

Who wants to be friends? And not fight? Who's our buddies? Were they fighting about if Papa Roach wrote that song? No, it was one of those. Papa Roach, not Papa Roach. Alien Ant Farm. Yeah. Joke. Fuck my joke. It didn't even work.

Just dab out of it. Just dab out of it. Don't do it. You could just always dab. No, you can't even do it. It's so bad. I'm going to do the slightest. What is it? I don't know what it is about it. I don't know, man. I didn't think we'd be at the end of 2018. I haven't shown mine because I feel like mine is maybe worse than Sean's. so... I don't know, man. I didn't think we'd be at the end of 2018. I haven't shown mine

because I feel like mine is maybe worse than Sean's. No, I feel like because you're a dancer... Okay, maybe I've got it. But there's also a lot of mom energy. But still... It's a mom dab. My mom's got the same kind of thing, but she could still dab.

I feel like you could... This guy, I don't know what he's doing. Looks like he's hurt. Stop it. Fucking stop it. Fucking stop it. Fucking knock it. Let Ian finish this. Fuck off.

My final pick. All right. And I'm taking Christmas Eve. Yeah. Yeah. It hasn't been taken yet. Of course. That's a great one.

I love Christmas Eve. The whole day. You're like, oh. It's that noise. But a day. Whoa. Oh. Especially when you got some good presents.

Yeah. You just. You when you got some good presents. Yeah. You just, you wait till tomorrow, you motherfucker. You motherfucker. You don't even fucking know what's up. This is the last day

of the rest of your life. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's only gonna be two days in your life from now on. Today and tomorrow. Today and tomorrow.

Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, I love it. I just love the anticipation. Yeah. That's when the city gets real, like right around like 5 p.m. Everything starts really shutting down.

I used to go drive around and I'd go into the grocery store just to, I wouldn't even buy shit. I did because we lived like a block away. I just walk in, walk around and be like, fuck Christmas, dude. It is Christmas right now. You know, being in the moment.

That's something Christmas Eve taught me. Christmas Eve traditions a lot of the time. When I was growing up, my stepdad for a while, I guess, I don't know what to refer. My mom's husband, whatever, Carl, he was a chef, and he would make a seafood chowder. Ooh, that was so fucking good. Fuck yeah. It was so delicious. And he just housed that seafood chowder.

Like white cream based? Yeah, white cream based. Sometimes my siblings would come over. We'd play games. We'd play poker. And you just house that seafood chowder. Like white cream based? Yeah, white cream based. Sometimes my siblings would come over. We'd play games. We'd play poker. You know, that kind of thing. It was just great. Playing games around the holiday is good.

We should have. I should have. Games would be good. Holiday games. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. So yeah, it was Christmas Eve. Now, we left a lot of good stuff on the board.

But let me recap first. David, you went first. You took the smell of Christmas. Office Christmas parties. The mall around Christmas you went first. You took the smell of Christmas, office Christmas parties, the mall, rare Christmas, Christmas clothing, putting up the tree. Sean, you went second. You took eggnog. You took driving around looking at Christmas

lights, gingerbread houses, Christmas cheer, and Santa Claus. Stop, David. No, because it fucking sounds so adorable. Emma Emma you went third you took oh no I just wrote Christmas that can't be right oh Christmas songs I just choose Christmas

and nobody else gets to choose anything she fucking sundas Christmas songs then you took making and eating Christmas cookies children's Christmas concert Everybody else gets to choose their thing. The clock has over. Bye. She fucking sund us. Christmas songs. Then you took making and eating Christmas cookies. Children's Christmas concert. Christmas movies.

And then being Santa Claus. I went last and I took getting someone the perfect present. Taking the edge off on Christmas morning, however you do it. Busting into those stockings. The city around Christmas. And then Christmas Eve. Yeah. Where we leave.

We left ugly sweater parties. Yeah. Wearing pajamas all day. Sledding was one. Sledding. Damn. Going to a movie Christmas Day. Do you guys ever go to a movie Christmas Day? I saw Django on Christmas Day.

Oh, you did? Weird time to see that. That's normal. No, it was a great time to see that. Yeah, that's funny. It was awesome. Yeah, I love going to the movies on Christmas Day. I also saw This is 40 on Christmas Day.

Oh, yeah. Because the movies is packed on Christmas Day. It is packed. Always packed. But it goes back to that thing of just being around a shitload of people. I love it. Yeah. The bars are gnarly.

Like, on New Year's, I hate a crowded bar. Christmas, I love it. I don't know why. That doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah. New Year's is for everybody. Christmas is like... You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. New Year's is everybody's sense to me. Yeah. New Year's is for everybody. Christmas is like, you know what I mean? New Year's is everybody's at the bar. Yeah. Uh, yeah. So great, great picks. Shout out to everyone. We want to hear your picks.

Make sure you send them to us. Uh, throw some curve balls out there too. Throw some curve balls. Throw some curve balls. What's your Christmas pick? Like something we want to find out. Uh,

tell us your memories of playing mouth. Yeah. Those mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth,

mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth,

mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth. Yeah. Those mouth mouthories. In this mouth story. Thanks for the mouthories. There'll be another episode before Christmas, but if we don't talk to you before then, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah.

Ramadan. Have a rockin' Ramadan. What else is there? Ramadan. Sounds like a masterpiece song on his Christmas album. Just whatever pagan ritual you do around his time of year. Solstice. Happy Solstice. Happy Solstice. My little witches.

Yeah. Just have a good one with you and yours. Yes. Whatever it is you do. Shout out to everyone. Shout out to super producer Marissa. We love you, Marissa. Love you, Marissa.

Merry Christmas to you. You're the best. You're the best. Or Marissa Christmas. Merry Christmas, as they say in Canada. I think in Canada, Christmas is in June 4th. Yeah, I think they're just celebrating Boxing Day 2. Yeah, it's Boxing 2.

Back to the box. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Sid the Dude's real. Shout out to all the saints. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Matzah Balls. Matzah Balls.

Shout out to the Tom Cruise cake we're about to try. Oh, Tom cake. Oh, shout out to the AFE Balls. Shout out to the Tom Cruise cake we're about to try. Oh, Tom cake. Oh, shout out to the AFE subreddit. Seriously. Follow us at AllFantasyPod on Twitter. Email us at AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Hell yeah. Buy our merch.

Follow us on Patreon for sweet extras. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week. That is important. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! Oh, should we do a Carol the Bell sha-clackity? Yeah.

Sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, sha-clackity, That was a Hate Gum podcast.