All Fantasy Everything - Circular Things (w/ Shane Torres, Aaron Edwards)

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Run away, but we're running in circles...Guest:Shane Torres (@shanetorres)Aaron Edwards (@ayroned)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (@IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (@SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (@Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (@IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting a Patreon suggestion. Circular things. Our guests today are the very funny standup comedians, writers, just AFE favorites. We have Aaron Edwards and Shane Torres on the podcast today. I'm your host Ian Carmel. And with me as always is my good friend Sean Jordan,

David Borey, hovering over the jungles of Bolivia in a whimsical 18th century hot air balloon. Is that right? I think that's what he said he was doing. I think so, or Rapid City, who's to say? Well, Rapid City is technically been, that is a Bolivian embassy, is that right? Yeah, yeah, you could call it that.

It's a sister city. It's like more of a, it's more of a, you know, ceremonial kind of position than anything. It's not like a, it's just, it's really just to drive tourism between the two places. Between Rapid City and Bolivia. Between Rapid City and Bolivia is the name of Sean Jordan's first memoir.

What do they call that? Reciprocity, right? Where you can go from one place to the, what is it? Probably something like that. What's reciprocity mean? It's something to Lauren Ilson about. I'm gonna be shocked if you got this off the top of their head.

I remember in high school, everyone said South Dakota had reciprocity with Hawaii, which meant we could go to college there for state prices in South Dakota. So we threw the word around a bunch. I never know what it means. I don't know if it's specific to college. I don't like the reciprocity of this prison cell,

something like that. Or the dichotomy and the reciprocity. You guys had dichotomy with Hawaii. You didn't have reciprocity. Where you were doing very different- The dichotomy and the sentence like two days ago, and I was really proud of myself. It's all hearsay.

That's as far as it goes. What was the sentence, do you remember? I think it was like some NBA thing having to do with like Karl Malone. I don't know, it was really mean. I just remember that part, but I don't think it was like- The dichotomy between someone being of legal age of consent and not being legal age. I don't like the dichotomy between someone being of legal 18 and 17 years old

How many cars I sold last month Then you only use car lot or was that John Saundon? Yeah, I remember Karl Malone drove semi trucks. I don't know he I bet they both owned Car and I wish the joke didn't fall flat cause I'm stupid. I wish that didn't happen. Ugly, ill-mannered, ill-tempered, untoward. Maybe fit though. Great fit. Yeah.

And I watched kids the other night. When was the last time you guys watched kids? Sean texted us the other day, just a picture of the DVD of kids. I had to go rent it. I had a hankering, a weird hankering to watch Kids. Oh my God. Is that because you didn't want like Amazon

to know that you had rented Kids? You cannot rent it. Why, really? You can't, it's not on iTunes, it's not on Amazon, you can't rent it on YouTube, you can't rent it anywhere. So I went in movie madness with my daughter and I asked them if they had the 1995 movie kids

I didn't I didn't want him to think I was looking for like kids movies as you would think the way that I was dressed my daughter kids movie singular, bro, I want that extremely inappropriate movie kids and Hanger I would ever have to watch that. It's like I'm gonna go to a restaurant and just order a liver like I just yeah I was talking now. Hold on. Hold on. How are they? onions of film Only people who look way older than they actually are I told him I was like I'm 19. I've never seen it before This is a tan. I've never had a big old slab of liver

I've had chopped liver and I absolutely love it, but I've've never had a big old slab of liver. I've had chopped liver and I absolutely love it But I've never had like a big old slab. I bet that's gross. My mom loved cooking yet. So she's gonna be really mad Yeah, it's very um, it's trying to build muscle. It's like great. It's like a good protein meat Like trying to get muscle off right now. Yeah, well, it's working He had some new named muscle over last night you look clean what me yeah hold this breath this whole time David and are both lifting trying to hit PB's you know PBs are dude, and Js bro. Yeah, peanut butter. Peanut butter and HJs.

Oh, that would hurt. We're eating peanut butter sandwiches and getting hand jobs. None of it was smooth. No, it'd get frictiony pretty quick, but I think. A peanut butter HJ? A PBHJ? Peanut butter hand job. In that way, you think like, when'd you get your first hand job?

When'd you? Wow, hand job? Would you? I was a little young. Yeah, you probably had a peanut butter sandwich and a hand job in the same day The only person who's asked for a crust to be cut off bread Like this is the greatest day of my life I'm just so relaxed like this is the greatest day of my life. You know what I mean? If I get all my sight words I can get a hand shot. That's not the root beer I like. That's not the root beer like yes, that's just like that.

Yes, thank you. I don't remember, 15? 16? Oh, you were 15. I was probably sitting in a fort. Yeah, Sheldon was just out of the crib. Yeah, I was 12 I think. Well, I'll move us in a fort. Yeah, Sheldon was just out of the crib. Yeah, I was 12, I think. Um, well, I'll move us on from this.

Yeah, this is... Why would you want to? Move us on really quick. I wasn't done bragging about it. Well, we're not allowed to talk about fond memories now? No, we're not allowed to talk about fond memories? Uh, wasn't that fond? I don't know.

See, this is why I'm moving it off. Shane, you said you had a crazy day. Yeah. You look like it. You look like it. Alright. Well, I look fine. I look fine. I said I look fine.

You look like this is going to be your look for the next 40 years. If I'm getting to that right now. It gonna be your look for the next 40 years if I'm good Spend my look for the previous 40 years. Yeah, it's through 43 khaki hat Yeah, we know that's not not to be the case that this has been your look for the last 43 years No, the last Yeah, no, I did a lot of silk silk and Crip rags before that I did a lot of silk silk and Crip rags before that Yes, so Shane got started the zoom looking like

He was sitting in a wind tunnel. So you're flustered. What's going on today? Oh, well, like I got in yesterday from the road and I did a bunch of shows last night and I finished up at like two shout-out to Mac McCarthy and then of shows last night and I finished up at like two shout-out to Cormac McCarthy and then And then I this morning I was training and we sparred and then I was having all these phone calls and I had a call Right before this. Oh, okay. I was just kind of like it's been steamrolling all day You know what I mean? You were facetiming your old bullies feeling like check it out, bro I'm sparring with Puerto Rican dudes. You better watch your back Did I show you guys the the photo of me Freddy Roach? Did you guys see it? I saw it on Instagram. I was about to ask you about that.

Yeah that was like the coolest thing ever. What was it like? It is crazy that he... Well just real quick, if anyone doesn't know Freddy Roach is a tiny little anthropomorphic cockroach three inches tall You think his kids call him Papa Roach ever they call him Papa Roach One of the greatest boxing trainers of all time, and he's a little cartoon trained over 50 world champions so wow yeah, but um and you yeah, so the Greatest I guess he feels like he still has a lot to do Wow. Yeah, but um. And you. And me, yeah. So the greatest champion is gonna come.

Did he come to your show? I guess he feels like he still has a lot to do. It's the send me harder challenges meme, right? Shanks is getting ready for the comedian kumite that's about to happen. We're all finally gonna line this shit up. That would be the funniest shit. I will tell you this right now, It's probably a it's up. It's probably gonna take place in Austin It does feel like Austin is heading toward that

But I trained there when I'm in LA just cuz like boxing is how I like to exercise you guys know that but it's like It's such a great gym because it's ten bucks a day and it has everything you want there You know So it's like it's easy and I get to do it the way I want. And I'm friendly with the guy who does like a lot of other content for the gym. Oh yeah. And he was like, would you want to do this rounds with Freddie thing? And I was like, uh, and he just goes three rounds and he just kind of like, we

do little interstitials where we like, just kind of like talk to you and he asked Freddie how you didn't all this kind of stuff. You're just over there slapping yourself in the face. Like y'all kick his fucking asses. I was so nervous because I wanted him to know how much I appreciate the time. You know what I mean? Because it's like a privilege. He is just doing something that helps publicize his gym to some degree with somebody of B-list

status or whatever. So it's nice. Yeah. He was just being generous. I was gonna say B list. That joke, I will say I was gonna say it, but I left it in the chamber. All right. Well, I was gonna bring it up as soon as you were done lying.

So it was very much like, have you ever been to like a fancy restaurant and someone's like, you have to try this bottle of wine. It's like so special. And, and you're just like, well, I don't have $2,000 bottle of wine taste buds. You know, totally where you're like, this could be a 10 dollar bottle. I knew how much I appreciated it even if I didn't understand it, you know? Right. But, but we did like 40 minutes of him just like working me. Like I got a lot of like interesting input and like he was like, you do this very well.

But like your feet need to work like this better. And it was just like I learned so much. Wow. Just like that's cool. If you don't see two people who really know about something and they're just having a dialogue, like whatever the subject is and you're like, I'm learning more just being in their converse, like as a fly on the wall kind of thing Yeah, it felt like that it was crazy like I don't like I don't know if I can do any of it or I'll ever be able to do any of it, but it was

Bananas and long how long did you work with him for we probably did like six or seven rounds worth of time Yeah, we're supposed to do three But I was asking a lot of questions and stuff and I think he and he just goes Like once he got going was crazy and he like yeah He stuck me in the mouth with the mitt like you know like he's a very physical trainer That's what you get for asking a dumb question You know what her boxing gloves made out of But it's uh, it's so it was so, it was so, it was very special. It was like, like, you know, I admittedly know, like, you guys know I have a hard time, like,

recognizing when I have, when the good things are going for me. Like I'm not very good about that, but I was very present and felt very lucky that day. This is true. Yeah. This is true. Yeah. It's, it's, it's very impressive that you're good enough at boxing to have what he has to say to you be helpful.

Because I feel like if I went in there, you would be... You know, if any of us like trained with Freddie Roach, he'd be like, okay, so the gloves on backwards. I was like, oh, that explains it. There was so much of that. My buddy Alex was shooting it and I was like, you know, will you help, like, will you put the mitts on or put the gloves on for me? And then like, he was like, I want to get Freddie tying him.

And I go, oh, okay. You know, like, but even that, it was just like, you know, the man has Parkinson's and his fingers still move, like, at a speed that was beyond me. Like once he was doing, like, like, you know, it was beyond me. Like once he was doing, like, you know, it was so intentional. Everything. It was crazy. Muscle memory is a crazy thing. Right.

And it's all repetition. And he's just sitting there all the time. He's just at that gym all the time, training people, and then like, I saw Devin Haney there the other day going in to train, and he pulled up in like a fucking crazy G wagon. Like, you know, like it was like the it's so funny because there's the richest guys in the world and then there is a man who's basically living out of a civic from the nineties there training there also, you know, like it's like a 19 year old kid who was just like

the toughest kid you've ever met in your life. You know? Yeah. Yeah. The contrast of everything there is really remarkable. This is a weird maybe you don't feel comfortable answering this quick. Do you think he's nine inches, right? Your god damn oh man That just comes out of me now when people ask me good. Hey, let me ask you a question I just say your bit and I have to go my friend Sean says it all the time

Well, I was the only time Sean's nine inches just comes out of you, right? I'm gonna process it all the time. Do it. I was on it. Well, that's not the only time Sean's nine inches just comes out of you, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Otherwise, we're having an adult podcast today. I had a good bit last night. For some reason we were asked at Laura's like, how long is 11 inches? And I looked at her and then she's like, she stood up and I go, I don't know, we could call some dude with a huge dick down to come over.

She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. We get down to come over and get a boner. I was laughing that hard when I said it. I was on a date a couple weeks ago. You did that?

And the girl goes, let me ask you a question. And I just go, and I just like that. That would have been a second date. And I just go and I just like Why are you laughing so hard and I go you need to understand that I do this thing with this podcast You need to understand the money I go I explain like so we do this podcast and like my buddy always has this running gag on it when someone ever goes hey, I got a question and then he always says nine inches And she just looked at me. She just like she goes you are about to say that I go I go I go yeah, and she goes cool

She throws a hundred on the table, dinner's on me, I never want to see you again. The date went very well actually, but she was just like, to her credit she goes, cool. And I was like, and she goes, I'm fucking with you. Okay good. There we go. I mean it's a bit from a podcast, it's not the sexiest thing to bring up on a date. Yeah well it's also like, but she caught me like, what were you about to say? And I was like, you know, I didn't wanna be like, you don't wanna know,

because then she was gonna be like, tell me, and then it was gonna build. So I wanted to be ahead of the, like, it either wasn't gonna be funny enough or salacious enough to matter, you know, like. Yeah. Salacious. Good job.

Speaking of salacious, we've been a little crassier, so I'm gonna take this opportunity. Somebody reminded me of one of my favorite jokes, and I don't even know who, this one, it's a free joke, but it was, what's the worst thing you can hear while you're going down on Willie Nelson? What? I'm not Willie Nelson.

That's awesome. That's good. Oh, it's good. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. That's awesome. That's good. Oh, it's good. I mean, I got to tell my favorite street jokes again, since we're being crass. Aaron, you may not have heard this. Do you know how to get a witch pregnant? No, no, I do not. You fuck her.

Are you pregnant? No, no I do not. You fuck her. That one can be removed if you if we would like. I don't know. It's my favorite joke. My late friend Ryan Peterson used to tell that joke all the time. Every time. Everybody gave that same reaction that you did Aaron where they're like, okay.

A polite little chuckle. Dude, speaking of late friends, I stayed at Andy Wood's place when I was in LA and he had this video. Do you remember Famous Mysterious Actor that happened in Portland? Those guys? Yeah. Yeah. He had a video that Richard and those guys shot at his house, Bane.

Yeah. Yeah. Back when we all still lived in Portland. Richard was still so fucking funny in this sketch. Like I like everything. It was just nice to see. Like, did you know Richard Bane, Aaron? No, not in brilliant comic. Like and he was like a Portland guy and he passed away.

But he was in this sketch. They're they're like him and Travis are playing video games. And then Wally did the thing when you stick your finger through the the front of your jeans. Like you're like, it's my dick. You know, like that. And then they go, oh, we know, we know. And then it was just, well, he goes, is it? And then his arms were out and his dick was just a finger was the joke. And they were like, whoa! And then they took it to another level. Wally had a date with a girl and they were fooling around and she goes, she pulls like

his finger dick comes out or whatever and he goes, I know, it's weird. And then she goes, no, it's not. And then she did the hand finger thing in her vagina. It was so stupid. And then it just showed richer waving at him. Put it out in the world, Andy. Oh my God. I'd like to see that.

It was so fucking funny. God damn it. All right, rest in peace. Yeah. Well, heck, Sean Jordan is here. Sean Coogler Mel and Jordan on Instagram. Come see us in New Orleans. Yeah, Sean Jordan comedy. Girl dad available now.

Girl dad available. Thank you, buddy. Girl dad available now. Girl dad available now. See that cyber truck with girl dad on the back? Did somebody tag you in that? Dude, I've seen it. Yeah, Sean you suck.

People give me shit about that album more than anything else. People give me shit about it. People get a little loose in the DM sometimes because I'm nice, you know? Oh yeah. So you know, don't be mean. What are they saying to you? Nothing crazy'm nice, you know? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So, you know, don't be mean. What are they saying to you? Nothing crazy, but like, you know,

a lot of making fun of the title. But come see us in New Orleans. It's gonna be perfect, I think. I am gonna be there that Sunday, but I think you guys are all flying out, right? Oh, Mother's Day, yeah. We're all flying out that Sunday, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Gotta roll back. I don't have to leave at like five in the morning, although it's looking like I might because it's either Five in the morning or like 9 p.m. Is there a five flight? I might have to move it up early cuz you know what that Sunday is as Mother's Day Mother's Day, and yeah Yeah, you cannot you cannot miss the first one No, so we'll be I think I'm like flying out at like I'm gonna be first Delta flight out I'm gonna be coming off a rock and roll tour straight to New Orleans, so I might actually die that week

Yeah, New Orleans also I'll be in Denver May 30th at dude IDK I don't know if there's tickets up yet, but you know come to to that if you. Oh, dude IDK, that'll be fun. Yeah, man. Where G'Burth of a Nation was filmed. That's what? Oh, it's. Where G'Burth of a Nation was filmed? It's Birth of a Nation.

G'Burth, 7 a.m. is my flight. If I can move that up. Oh, and then first though, nevermind. Anyway, come to New Orleans and discuss it with us and get some of the merch. It's gonna be dope. Get some merchandise. Oh yeah, we have some great merchandise.

It's really, really cool. It's weird saying the whole word. We have some really classy merchandise that we're gonna be, is that a Trump? That's my question. I think it's almost a Nathan Lane. Yeah. Oh!

Kinda like a poop, like a... We have some really? We have some... No. We... No. No. They're not the same. You were trying to catch the pocket. I was! I can't find it. You do that where you start finishing your game. He can't hit the throw in the middle. No. That's why I never made it past high A. Two sports. Two different sports, conflated. Yeah, come to New Orleans. Don't go to John and John. There's stuff later in the year, but nothing that we're saying yet. Aaron Edwards is here. What are your socials these days?

I have to ask now because it's become such a splintered... I'm still the same thing, Ed a Y R O N E D on Instagram Twitter, I'm still over there with the Luckily you guys are out of it, but we're mental health Health issues are still over there fighting a good fight. So What do you what would you like to direct people towards? I'm still doing the Uncle Show with my boy Anwar. We're doing our little talk show as crazy black uncles.

That's fun. We're writing the, we're gonna start writing the next episode pretty soon. So yeah, come out to Valley Bar. That should be fun. You'll see it on my socials. And I'm finally gonna do my first hour, at least by the end of the year.

So I'm probably gonna knock that out. Fantastic. Good job. I think I'm gonna knock that out. Fantastic. Good job. I think I'm gonna knock that out finally. I got some good stuff. You'll look for the dates. It should be a good time. If you're in- Film it in Sioux Falls.

If you're in Phoenix or anywhere in the Valley of the Sun, go see the Uncle Show. All the Phoenix. Go get in there. Are you gonna film it in Sioux Falls, South Dakota? I mean, I might. I think I have some Sioux Falls jokes in there. Who wouldn't?

Yeah, you guys have Bloods and I have a couple of Crystal Bloods jokes and I think they might go over pretty well. I had to leave the room when you were telling him when we were at Desert Ridge. Is that where we were? Oh, yeah, Desert Ridge, yeah. We had to go outside.

I was outside punching the sidewalk. Doing side, doing a... Oh, when I did my crib joke. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Do it for my push-ups flashbacks, dude Really like intense push-ups. He was out there doing it Shane Torres is here reading an email

Look like look like or farting we didn't have your full attention. I saw it. I saw it We did not what did I miss? Change what do you mean X videos? What did I miss? Oh, John Mike Donuts. Chains. What are you on? You in X videos? What are you doing? I just had a slew of emails come in. Don't worry about it. I told you it's a crazy one. Yeah, a slew. Do you know what that is? You fucking idiot.

Hey, Isaac, is it what? Real quick. Hey, Isaac, real quick. Yes, sir. Fuck off. Anyway, what? I told you, sir. Yeah. Oh my god. You're gonna keep doing it Back on mute talent time It's called deflecting is that what that is anyways, I got a lot of dates coming up catching it Ww.punchup.live

Shane Torres you can catch all of it there shanescomedian.com Shane Torres across all the socials and I've got a new forthcoming pad podcast with Katherine Blanford Called coastal idiots and it's very fun. We've been shooting a lot of them making but it's almost more like a YouTube series than anything But there's an audio element to it. So our audio version of it. So please come check Audio version of it. So please come check out silent YouTube with no And you guys just fall all over like a bunch of fucking roaches Acting like a silent movie star and then they show like a black screen with text on it with like jangly people have to like

Train coming from the distance and then I have a horrible sense for blocking so I don't think it's a good idea for me anyway, is to just start doing silent film. You like tap a top on his shoulder and go the other way. Yeah. So, Papa Roach should have gone over the blocking with you, right, wasn't that part of the lesson? Uh, Papa Roach. Is that a boxing joke?

Sean's just getting a boxing joke out there. Yeah. Did you say Papa Roach like Adam Sandler a little bit there? That's what it felt like to me over here in Los Angeles. Me? Yeah. I did the- Papa Roach.

I did a Papa Roach. Like I was trying, in my mind it was like, remember when Richard would do the disturbed thing? Oh God, I repeat it all the time. Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Excuse me, have you heard of Barack Obama? Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Excuse me, have you heard of Barack Obama? Barack Obama.

God, Richard Bain, dude. Yeah. This comes out this week. Do you have anywhere specific? Any spots? This week I am standing like a rose that someone gave me on my birthday. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I will be presiding over my buddy Blake's wedding in Fort Worth, Texas. So if you want to come see me do some time there Yeah, he's a big list big fan so congratulations to you and Jessica buddy, I'm excited. This is Blake That was in the band. I was in Yeah, yeah the little guy with all the tattoos yeah, why yeah he ruled He was the way calling me down when all your brother's dicey friends were hanging out He was like they're all good man. I'm like that feels scary

Yeah, so that's very exciting and then um Yeah, that's it so that weekend nothing, but then albeit a a bunch of different clubs coming up in May and doing a lot of dates So please please come check those out. Yeah, my name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on I'm sorry forgot one thing I don't know if you guys know who PD or medium build are but they're like very big me like they're doing really well as musicians Right now and I'm opening on tour for them all through the Northeast, so please. Pee Dee Pablo? No, Pee Dee, just Pee Dee,

and this guy named Medium Bill. USA! When he redid. When he did, did he do that after 9-11? Yeah, he did. And then like wave your flags like a helicopter. It was horrible. Take your shirt off, put them around your head

like a helicopter. It was horrible. Take your shirt off, twist around your head like a helicopter. Yeah. First responders. It was, oh, it was. Ambulance drivers. Lady who brings out the wheelchair. That's the big rock and roll tour you're doing, why you won't be at the first couple nights

of this New Orleans festival, right? You had to, you abandoned us. I abandoned, you guys abandoned me for your family, so that's how I see it. Both are true, both are true. I'm alone. After we rip people's faces off on a Friday and Saturday, you can come there and, I don't know,

bum them out with your. Come clean up the barf, dude. Are you guys doing stand up? and I don't know, bum them out with your... Come clean up the bar, dude. The bar for me having one drink while on a GLP-1. Are you guys doing stand-up as well with the pod or just the pod? Stand-up, too. Two pods, two stand-ups. Two pods, two stand-ups. Two pod Shakur.

Two pod Shakur. Two stand-up IG. Not Podshakur. Two Stand Up IG. Notorious B.I.G. It was a biggie. I tried. Yeah, it was bad. What's going on with you, Sean? It was really bad.

What's going on, dude? I didn't love it. I was underwhelmed by it. Aaron, how did you feel about it? Because I thought it sucked. Listen, I'm just here to collect a check. I thought you could have just done two, all two fantasy, two everything or whatever. I don't know.

I'm all over the place, too. That's another good route other than, I don't know, what, two IG? Two stand-ups IG? Yeah, I don't know, man. What about two-storious? Do that. Isaac, can you do that face-off thing where our voices make our voices different and do the two stand-up? No.

Just cut this. Welcome to all fantasy everything. It doesn't work like that. Sorry. Welcome. See, Shane? See how pissed he is now? Yeah, this is Shane's fault. Alright, back in your hole.

Where do you think I live? Do you think I live in a hole? It's dark where you are. I can't see you right now. That's true. Yeah, you're right. You can argue with that logic. Shane's being mean to Isaac. Isaac's taking it out on Sean. Sean's getting flustered. He's being mean to Isaac. Isaac's taking it out on Sean. Sean's getting flustered.

Yeah. It's called displaced aggression. Yeah. I'll get a funny joke in here. Oh, you think it's displaced? Oh yeah. Yeah, well, you're wrong. And we can talk about that later.

Let's give therapy to be on this show, so it's good to be around a bunch of people who need it. So this is cool. Well, maybe they need it, I this is cool. Well, maybe they need it. I don't. That's the kind of joke you should be doing, Sean. Aaron, can we get a little sidebar me and you after this? You can kind of teach me about this joke stuff.

Sidebar. You're really leaning into the legal jargon today. It's all hearsay. Conjecture. I move different. If I were dressed like Sean, I'd be so down. Like I'd tell you all of my crimes and stuff. I'd be like, I fucked with this dude. Yeah, I'll let you know where the body is. You're good.

You're like, you're what your lawyer dressed like a divorced uncle? We've talked around it a little bit. We should describe if you're just listening. Sean is wearing like a beautiful sort of like faded desert rose pink sweatshirt. Kind of push pop color almost. sort of like faded desert rose pink sweatshirt. Kind of push pop color almost. And really like in a tan hat and the ensemble, if I may use a term from the French language,

it's really working. It's really going hard. Cool, I'm excited about it. I like a khaki hat. You look like a big thumb because it matches your face and skin tone No, no People rose colored face. Yeah, I'm Irish Rose. It's a rosé colored face. It's a rosé. What color does your skin, that's rosé.

What's that whiskey that has rose in the name of it? It's a- Four roses. It's a four roses colored face. There we go. If I were to remember, that would be a better joke. Yeah. We got that. When the gin blossoms,

it turned into a four roses colored face. That's right. Good band. Aaron, what's your favorite gin blossom song? Go. How dare you do this to me? No idea. Isaac? What's your favorite gin blossom song? Go. How dare you do this to me? No idea.

Isaac? Hey jealousy. It has to be hey jealousy. You heard me singing at karaoke one time. I know, I know, I know, I know. There's that found out about you song that's really good? Yeah. Follow you down is great. They had four absolute heaters.

Those are three of them. What's the other one? They had four that were like Hey jealousy Found out about you found out about you Yeah, my buddy Mikey erg is in this he's like in ways like in 40 bands He plays drums for Laura Jane Grace right now from against me But he he does a cover of hate jealousy where he sings and plays drums and it's just like the funnest cover I've ever heard in my life. Is it I don't understand how people can do both of those things That's a back in concert and it was like the best show I've ever been to he really really yeah, yeah, he's amazing

I saw him I saw him at a who honor Anderson pack. Oh, yeah Yeah, I feel like you'd really like Anderson packs music if you got into it John I Dabble like everyone else he's extremely popular. His band is amazing Yeah, like his band that whole show is a mate like people get down. He's so fun. It's good vibe and he's so Really charismatic too like he has a charm on. Like he's having fun the whole time He walked in the crowd and like had fun with us and stuff. Yeah, it really puts on the show Yeah, like some performers at that level some performers that are very intense and that's kind of their thing His thing is like let's just get down and I'm gonna have the most fun showing you it

You know, the intensity turns me off a little bit. When somebody is just a little too, you're like, I don't know about all that. Get in the crowd, I'm not gonna do anything. Come hang out. Depends on who it is. You're like they're snapping back to reality, oops, there goes gravity. Then I'm into it, dude.

Yeah. He's an intense man. That's an intense man. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Blue Sky Instagram. You can buy my book, T-Shirt Swim Club. You can get it from a library. You can watch my new special, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight.

At first sprinting towards 100,000 views. Now, take it's time. Take it's time. What's it at? It's in the last six miles of a marathon. 89,000 baby. Which is 9,000 up not taking it. What's it at? What's it at? It's in the last six miles of a marathon, you know, you got 9,000 baby, which is 9,000 up from last week. So okay, we'll get there. It's moving. Yeah, that's good Baby, don't get there

And I don't have fucking Burke Kreischer pushing my shit. Okay No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Oh You know No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I Sent Bert I sent Bert a DM the other day I don't know if he wanted to come on the show and it definitely was seen so I gotta ask you Shane does He handle his own Instagram sometimes. Yes, sometimes. No, I think I think you have some people, but I don't know It doesn't matter. I told him not to do this podcast. It was you that saw it. I said, don't do it.

I said, don't do it. He really wanted to, too. I told him, I said, when Ian reaches out, that's when you should do it. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He looks buff with his shirt off now.

Yeah, he put up like 345 the other day on the bench. I saw him talking to Shaq and then like they cut to him on the bench and it was like, oh, Jesus Christ. He's like really about it. Yeah, like he's like lifting. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

Nice dude, he's back, he's back. He's back. Told you I'd have one in there. Can't keep the good man down. Lifting is it Jesus Christ Jesus Christ? Told you I'd have one in there get a little round on the kidneys Yeah, yeah, but yeah, he looks jack But he was like him and all these ex pro football players were like I guess he was at the Super Bowl or something Oh, yeah, and they were like, can you get it up get Get up this much weight? And he did a bunch of fucking bananas. Can you get it up? Yeah. Like Jason Kelcey was there. It was crazy.

I bet that dude is strong. They're just so much bigger. And we are big guys. Yeah, we're big dudes. NFL football players are like different size dudes. I met Larry Allen. I would say I'm nimble. I'm a nimble guy. You're not.

Larry Allen is the biggest man who's ever existed. I stood in front of him one time or he stood in front of me rather. I met him. It literally got darker. Like my field of it, like the Sun was kind of blocked out. He used to bench like 800 pounds right or like 600. There's something crazy like Like, yeah, you have a timeline record for a while. Yeah. What was yours? Ian was going to ask, what was yours? Yeah. Aaron played college football. Missouri. Yeah.

Oh, Kansas. But Kansas. My bad. My bad. I couldn't have picked a wrong shot six times. New York City. I mean, Kansas. Once you get in the Midwest, it's kind of all the same over there, honestly. Are they you can just cross there. South Dakota is different. Yeah, South Dakota is the same as Akron.

Sure, I'll take it. My guess, I think the most I ever got up to was like 325. Yeah. Well, you were a man of speed. Yeah, I was a corner. So I wasn't I wasn't pushing bodies that much. I could hit you, but I wasn't hitting you. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know you guys know Terry Thomas? He's a really funny comic. He's from he played at you UAB this better be worth it. Yeah. Well, he was a linebacker at University of Alabama Birmingham Wow, and he played I am and he played against the Sooners one year and he tried to track all Adrian Peterson

He said he said Adrian Peterson caught him in the air and threw him to the ground and called him a bitch And Terry is a big fucking dude, yeah Yeah Some come to Jesus moments you have in your athleticism where you're like, I was the best student in high school. I'm kind of one of the best students in my college. And then you meet like a real NFL player and you're like, yeah, I need to work on this degree a little harder. Yeah, the size of them is insane.

Like even like I went to a Florida State game and the guys you could tell that had the potential to go pro as opposed to other guys who were just good at athletes But didn't have the like physical skill physical. It was it was astronomical What I'm in Orlando pace? When I was filming that that game on show and that was crazy. Oh, you're Gigantic he's just big and like also surprisingly this was after his playing career so obviously he slimmed down a little bit but like you know like really graceful like like His legs weren't like gigantic. You know like his cat like he had kind of narrower hips than you would think cuz you're like

Oh, yeah, because you are also just an amazing athlete Yeah on top of like being like incredibly strong on the weight. You didn't have to have the weight on it. Yeah. Yeah Like he could have played like basketball in Belgrade or something probably if you wanted to like it You look like a retired Hall of Famer actually like That's like the frame you give off it's like I had to get it off. I had to get it off. I do kind of look like Mike Golic Sr. a little bit. Remember when he would do the Weight Watchers ads and he would just be like, and my favorite pot roast. Pot roast! Oh yeah. Any man of a certain age who watched enough ESPN knows Mike Golic yelling pot roast is like ingrained.

Pizza, lasagna, and my favorite pot roast! They all, I remember shooting. They were just like, hey Mike, we need a little energy at the end. And this is what he said. Goal looks got you, baby. Give me something to be excited about then. I'll say pot roast like a little Richard standing up at a piano. Graney, where's the pot roast?

Pot roast. Ma, we's the pot roast? Pot roast. Ma, we come see us in New Orleans. It's gonna be, it really is gonna be awesome. Les Bontons Roulets. Les Bontons Roulets. Oh, our merch, I threw a little French, a little nod to Les Bontons Roulets on our merch. Can I hear what it is?

Oh, it's a surprise. Let's give him a little tease-y. I can't give him a little tease. I'm just saying there's a little French. Okay, I can't, you know what I will? Don't tease me, baby. I'll tease you, dude. I'll give you your first hand job at the age of 12.

Yeah, let me finish this peanut butter. Feels weird even as a callback. That felt weird even as a callback. Let me finish this peanut butter sandwich. Especially since Isaac, now you have to cut that first part out. Don't do it! Don't do it, cut the back part!

You can really fray me in like a dickhead here. Now's you gotta cut it. I said maybe cut this whole episode, dude. I'm saying none of these ever get released. We only release them to the guest podcast apps. It costs us $5,000 an episode to get that specific, but we like hanging out with our butts. We do, it's just great.

It's a good use of our resources. What was I gonna look up? Oh our merch I won't say What our merch is theme is because I want that to be a surprise for the people who come because it's I think it's really Really good, but let me find out what the French is somebody somebody Show me in the in the text it to you later. Yeah It's somewhere. Yeah, I just want to see it. It's good I have no all-fantasy everything merch and I've been on this podcast the most so is that true We must have given it to you and you threw it away. No, why would I throw it away?

I have I have a boiler room t-shirt. You know like I guess well, that's Good. Hey Isaac put this in twice Fun little tank on the bit. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isaac, we don't need you. Isaac, we desperately need you and I'm sorry Shane's being so surly.

I sent you guys the merch. If you didn't hear Shane had a rough morning and he's exhausted. Oh my God. Displaced. Pretty good, right? Yeah. We'll put some stuff aside for you. Isaac Oh my God. Displaced. Pretty good, right? Yeah. We'll put some stuff aside for you.

Isaac, it's not misplaced. You stop saying that. It's displaced. I don't wanna put, oh, did you say displaced? I sure did. You stop mishearing it. You're displaced in this conversation. Back to your fucking pothole.

Your puffy little boxer cauliflower ears are, they're getting all crammed up. I don't know why I'm doing this to Isaac today. We've been getting along the last few episodes. We really have. That's the problem. That's the problem. We got to go back to go back. Going too good. You're like Gary Cole at the end of Talladega Nights. You just can't handle it.

This place is my office in my house. Where I'm recording from. Yeah, I don't know what that is good. It's that weird. Like you have this ivy. like it looks real nice. I like the way it looks But if we were in my place, you guys would just think I just let something overgrown happen to my apartment So come to New Orleans, it's gonna be a lot of fun But we are gathered here not today to talk about how much fun New Orleans is going to be. We are here, deeply into this podcast, to fantasy draft something suggested by our wonderful Patreon members,

the members of the All Family. They had a bunch of great suggestions. And the one that won is Circular Things. I'm sorry I didn't write the name down. I'll find it. Is it just on our Patreon? Yeah, I mean I can dig a little, but take me a minute. But I can look, let me look. Well you keep talking. Dig a little, baby.

I'll keep looking, I'll keep talking. Dig a little, dig a little, baby. You go, look on the card out, it's nice to give a little shout out. Dig a little, dig a little, dig a little, baby. Get in there, baby. Get into the butt room. Boom.

Don't dig in through the butt room. I've had no sleep and a shitload of coffee and a sparring session so I am feeling weird. I like it. You're feisty. You're feisty and weird. Isaac, come on camera. Show me some nipple. No.

What? They're joining the Patreon. That's a Patreon exclusive. Yeah, come on. That doesn't sound like you'd be very tasteful at all. You're enjoying the Patreon. That's a Patreon exclusive. Yeah, come on. That doesn't sound like you'd be very tasteful at all. You're not, well, then why am I the face of the Patreon? That's true.

That is true. I'm the Face-treon. You're the Face-treon. You're the face that welcomes people, because you're the friendliest face we can think of. So you're the one that welcomes people to the page. Yeah, that's the great photo you picked. Yeah, that one where you look like Viggo the Carpathian in Montreal. That was Montreal, yeah.

That was Montreal. Oh, that's right. We were there together. That was the first year in Montreal, right? Yeah. Never been invited. You can just go. It's in Canada.

Although maybe not for much longer. It is kind of like the New Orleans of Canada. It's great. Montreal rules. But jazz, port city, French influence. it really has a lot of the similar things. Especially to be invited to do standup by a festival. Cheers, what a pleasure. Kind of let you know that you've been doing something right.

So I'll nod. Yeah. So I'll nod from the back and especially when they pay your way, that's what I found to be the best part of it. There it is. Because you're repped. They did that for me last time.

I was there. Same here, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time, for me it's been every time, my friend. Because you're repped they did that for me last time For me it's been every time because you're repped Was repped and I was unrepped and you know, like that's right everybody remembers who was on Rudy's football team besides Rudy, you know, like I was the kid who worked hard and floors in the halls and I was sitting right next to you not working hard while Ian was riding and we're watching blue chips eating beef jerky. Yeah, but that was when I was in LA doing what?

working There must have been NFL players on Rudy's team Probably. Joe Montana. Yeah, that was me, baby. Joe Montana was not on that team. Yes, he was. Joe Montana was not on that. Wait a minute Yes, he was On Rudy's team. Yeah, they were on the same team. He did not like them. Yeah, he was like that Sure, it was such an irritating presence to be around. Oh, yeah And he also he got like convicted of like insider trading or something Rudy yeah, Rudy Rooker. Yeah, The real Rudy came to my school and gave a talk

and it was not inspiring because none of us, we were a little bit too young for Rudy. A little bit. You know, I did stand up for, with Debo, his roommate, the guy that Favreau played in the movie, I opened up for that guy. You did stand up with Zeus Tiny Lister? No, that's the Debo.

Who am I thinking of? D-Bop, was that his name? Oh, D-Bop. D-Bop. Where, Montreal's that? What's the, that's the Debo. Who am I thinking of? D-Bop, was that his name? D-Bop. D-Bop. Where, Montreal or where? No, I've never been invited to Montreal. It's funny you bring it up again since we just talked about it.

But yeah, they haven't. This was a, no, this was the reciprocity between. This is the reciprocity tour. Well, the dichotomy of Montreal has asked me to audition for the New Faces talent program, eight years in a row, no longer a new face, this face. This is a 43 year old face. It's a gorgeous face.

Well, if you keep drinking less, it's gonna look just like well used. I hear it's coming back old Montreal. Yeah, it is. That's what I hear. Okay, yeah. And I audition yet again. The pre-old face is what Sean has got.

Yeah, a lot of miles, but it's a good engine on this face. It runs Honda, baby. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Those are vintage they are it's they are coming back. It's why CDs notes The 90s is fully back in swing. It's kind of crazy. It's great. He's never left it. Is that a Warhol print behind you? Oh Yeah, yeah It's kind of crazy. Speaking of entwined, these- Never left it. Is that a Warhol print behind you? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. There we go.

Culture. Culture. This is a little bit. The way we determine the order of the draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, Sean wins! Scissors against two rocks in a natural victory, flying in the face of God, and in her judgment, Sean, steel on your bed. Thank you, thank you. As the winner, Sean, of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft.

Before you do that, it will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. It's like Pac-Man eating all the dots back and forth. They're just it's fucking clean with it, dude. He's clean with it I'm supposed to move this one you ever done would be out here before Yeah, if you're under the age of 40 and you don't know what Pac-Man is it was like an early video game I'm surprised you didn't use that to segue into Manny Pacquiao to talk about boxing again you one-note motherfucker

This podcast is basically ten reoccurring bits. Yeah, but you know, whatever you're never gonna go after. Every two years we introduce another one. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I know where my bread's buttered. Why do you think I'm showing up to New Orleans on Sunday when you guys are already out of fucking town? I know where my bread's buttered is how he said it. I know where my peanut butter's spread before my hand comes. Right on there. Get it all over the place. You don't want to put it in the microwave for a while. There's my cat, I'm gonna put it on something else now. Basically if you pick fourth of the first, you're gonna pick first of the second round.

With that in mind, Sean, what will the order of today's draft be? Fifty minutes in. Let's go Shane first. Okay. Aaron second. I'll go third. Ian fourth. Sean, what will the order of today's draft be? 50 minutes in. Let's go Shane first. Okay. Aaron second, I'll go third, Ian fourth. Hot corner. I have a hot corner too. We do, we both have hot, the first is a hot corner.

Yeah. I said 50 minutes, probably more around 40 with some of the stuff we had to remove. 40 minutes in, no longer a record. No longer competing for the record. Shane Torres, you have the first pick in the Things That Are Circular. Patreon, chosen, All, no longer a record. No longer competing for the record. Shane Torres, you have the first pick in the Things That Are Circular. Patreon, chosen, All Fantasy, Everything Draft.

And we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy, Everything is brought to you by Stitch Fix. Now, you know that we are a mall people. The gentlemen here at All Fantasy, Everything, we love them all. Not so much for the shopping, more for the chilling and the putting out the vibe,

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your first box plus free shipping. Again, that's code factorpodcast at factormeals.com slash factorpodcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. And we're back, welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed until Shane Torres and Catherine Blanford's, what is it, Coastal? Idiots, yeah.

Idiots? Yeah, it's birthed. It's birthed. To this world from Shane's bounty as Lawrence. It's birthed, it's birthed with a G. Oh, good birthed. Good birthed. Shout out to Jonathan Jones. It's birthed. It's got birthed with a G Birthed birthed birthed birthed out to Jonathan Jones for the suggestion. Thank you. All right, Jonathan Jones. Hell yeah, dude. Thank you

That's a made-up name I was on last night cage fighter. He listens. Yeah, it sounds like something like a like What do they call the guys who steal checks for checks? What do they call it paper hangers or whatever? I don't know that don't think they do that anymore It just sounds like the name that he would have written made up when he would write on you know Pretend to be a pilot or a lawyer Yeah, well Shane you have the first pick in the circular things all things everything draft. What will that pick be? Okay, my first pick They don't actually have to be there's circular things. So like, it can be something that is a Spears also, right? It's not just circular.

Like, like circular shapes or so. Yes. But I just want to be sure we're not doing it. Is it a spherical? Yes. But you know what I'm saying and don't or cylindrical Isaac. I think spheres and cylinders do count as long as the circle is clearly a circle and not an oval there we go okay okay

okay explain yourself mr. Torres and let's see what happens I'm not just taking your butt. Yeah. Oh, your old butt. Oh, man. Try to think here. Let me see. I'm trying to. I did not.

You were you were always brought broad enough, but you are, we both are, and I say that as a, as a, a huskeroo myself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Although both of us vanishingly so. Yeah, we're taking care of ourselves. Yeah. Let me see if I can get a full body shot here.

Hold on. Yeah, yeah. It got me in the tickles. I haven't, but I did just scroll past that picture Hold on. Yeah, yeah got me in the tickles I have a but I did just scroll past that picture Where was that guy on the 6th of January But buddy you look like you're a baby there Yeah, yeah, this was not that long ago. A little more circular.

I was watching all you guys' late night sets the other night. Jacking off. Yep. Watch our Montreal sets too. Mine are actually, mine are available. Mine are not, but they did tape. Anyway, you've come a long way. Both of you you the physical transformation

Yeah, yeah your face is your face is a better color now to I think the as rosé I appreciate you having some facial hair that first Conan said where there's none interesting It's an interesting look Things you could draft it or cylindrical My face is basically of like somebody put a smashed penny into some pizza dough. Thumb it in. There are things I definitely had a more clear comedic voice when I was a little bigger. It's easier in that sense to you, yeah.

It's so much of comedy is about establishing an identity with an audience and that was such a Fast track to it. But you know, it did also allow me to write the book t-shirt swim club a national bestseller On USA Today's list good book. It's a national bestseller I intentionally didn't say which lists so people might think that it was the New York Times. No, no, no, it's not a national that it was the New York Times. No, no, no, it's not. A national bestseller. A national bestseller. Before Mad Magazine went out of business.

It was a newspaper named Bestseller. 14 year old's like, what's a newspaper? If a 14 year old is still listening to this episode, this far in, congratulations. They're probably busy getting hand jobs and eating peanut butter chips. Yeah, they're a bad seed. Old fatty Ian, I love it. Yeah, absolutely.

Old fatty Ian. Best dog gone chew in the West. Old fatty Ian. Old fatty Ian. I've gone to the West. Oh, hey, old fatty. Yeah, that was for sure. That guy was if not circular, definitely around. And those are cousins. Yeah. Aaron, time for your first pick.

All right. I decided to do Sierra Leone. It's like the roundest country I've looked up, and it just seemed interesting to me. And it's really stupid. But yeah, Sierra Leone, I choose the circular thing. I didn't think we were going to give me Sierra Leone reference representation on the No David episode. I know. And I did it for David, too. Shout out to David. But yeah, it's really good. Oh, it is pretty round. Yeah. On the no David episode. I know and I did it for David's you

It is pretty round yeah, yeah, it's round as hell Fuck really that I did not know that twelve hundred dollar flight can get me there tomorrow Hey, I says what is the shape of cereal Sierra Leone goes roughly circular also things we could say about how we used to look. All laugh. Roughly circular. That's a great pick. I wanna tell David, cause David probably knows the topic,

but maybe he's forgotten it. I wanna tell him that Sierra Leone just got picked. Guess the topic. Do it. I like that there was a flight there. Is there any flights away? Like, I don't know. I see. I don't know.

They're just like, you're here now. Yeah, welcome to Sierra Leone. Get to work. Hold on. Jackson. And it's funny, too, because the topic is in the thread just to just a thumb or two up. And I could see him just being like, I have no idea what it is. I remember when he got added to the NBA chat

and he left it like 15 minutes into it. He left, I added David Borey, cause it was like when the nuggets were on a hot run, where like me, Aaron, like a couple other standups are in this NBA chat and we added David Borey to it. And he left, there were so many messages. I was like 10 minutes. NBA chat and we added David Borey to it. And he left. There were so many messages.

I was like 10 minutes. He was like bye. He left immediately. He was like this is too intense for me. I tell you this, I can't handle an overactive group chat. I hate. I think he left. Oh God, I fucking hate it.

Our dirt chickens one, the South Dakota one, we have. Ew. I mean, or it's dank videos now, it used to be dirt chickens. There's hundreds, hundreds a day. I'll wake up to like 100, 150 messages. Yeah. Every single day.

That's gonna send me through the roof. And then Adam, he'll be like, well, it was in the group thread, and I'm like, I'm not, I hate, I don't wake up and catch up on it. David's first guess is tax shelters. Oh, that's dope. is tax shelters. Sierra Leone, I mean, a wonderful country, a country that's produced David Bori.

Francis Tiafoe is Sierra Leonean. I believe that's the term. I think it let Leonardo DiCaprio do that weird accent Remember that dude in lethal weapon 2 they all had South African accents Again, that's a different, not what we're talking about. I know, yes, not what we're talking about. My bad. I thought that movie took place in Sierra Leone, nevermind. I bet Cape Town is so fun. A Kanye West song?

If we could say that. We can still talk about Kanye West. But we have to condemn him. Yeah. What song did he, oh yeah, Diamonds from Sierra Leone. Yes, he did, that's right. Is it a good song? Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, it's really good. They're all pretty good. Yeah, diamonds from Sierra Leone. Yes, he did. That's right. Is it a good song? Yeah, it's really good. That's really good

They're all pretty good. Yeah OJ still in the Hall of Fame, you know, like it's one of those kind of two thousand yards and 14 games You can't be it. No, I have Happen well when none of us saw it happen. We've all seen that it did happen. Yeah Sierra Leone excellent pick Sean Jordan time for your first pick We all saw it happen. Well, none of us saw it happen. We've all seen that it did happen. Yeah. Sierra Leone, excellent pick. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. Wheels, dude.

Ah, shit. That's the one. I was gonna try to get that from you, but no. Yeah, I was. I was so happy. Yeah, they're pretty goddamn important. Get us everywhere. Yeah.

Roller, so you did just drive Rollerblades. I, Ian? Ooh. I do wanna So you did just drive rollerblades. I Do want to see you so I'll come to LA and it'll be unpleasant Well, I'm slapping the shit out of you for making all these rollerblade jokes But then it'll be a lot of role play jokes late and it'll be fun. Well hang out level of barbecue And you're back. Let's see you try to slap me dude You think Shane's the only one who's been boxing I could get one off. I'm a black belt, okay? You were a black belt, dude. I've been trying to do stand up. How long's the statute on that?

Is that a joke you're doing? I'm trying, I'm working on this. That's very funny. 16 was the last time and I still sometimes, especially if I'm talking to my nephews in Taekwondo, and to him I'm still like a functioning black belt. Which I'm not, but it's just, I don't know. What do you think the statute, like you get like two years of not practicing? I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt.

I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt.

I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt.

I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a black belt. I'm not wearing a Grandmaster Mu Yong Yun give you your black belt test or me my black belt test?

Why don't you go tell Papa Roach that Grandmaster Mu Yong Yun will see him outside the gym tomorrow because one of his pupils was Rotting his mouth a little too much Did you sleep in your belt I slept in and I wore it skating the next day and again the late Ryan Peterson Found it on me when we were skating and oh It wasn't a source of pride you hid it under your shirt. I'm not gonna wear it outside my shirt Okay, then you didn't jeans and a t-shirt. I didn't have my uniform on. You didn't do it the way you were supposed to. It's a belt of course with jeans. I would have looked like a lunatic I'm sure you looked awesome when they found it under your shirt. I didn't want them to find it

But they didn't. What was they doing rooting around down there? Trying to see if I had a wire on, dude. Okay. We always checked. We have a South Korean, a man from South Korea on this very podcast who can comment on the, I think the duration of a black Taekwondo black belt. Taekwondo black belt. I do not know the answer to this question.

Yeah. I don't know anything about baseball. Oh, I don't think there is an answer. I think you should make a rule. Oh, I should make the question. Yeah, I don't know anything about baseball. Oh, I don't think there is an answer. I think you should make a rule. Oh, I should make the rule. Oh, I love this. Yeah, that's right. I mean, they just impeached the president and got rid of him.

So, yeah, anything one can make the rules up now. I think it should be like a passport. They managed to get rid of theirs on an impeachment. We tried twice on our guy. We couldn't get rid of them. We got rid of Biden. Your vote counted, Shane. It worked. We got rid of Biden. Your vote counted, Shane.

I think a black belt should be like a passport. Every 10 years you have to renew. How long can you be a doctor without renewing your medical license? You can't. Pretty regular thing. They don't do it weekly. I mean like what like yearly? Every week you got to take your doctor test. I know, attorneys. You have continuing education, like same for law. Yeah, same for law. Like it's always changing,

so you have to have so many years of like, so many hours every year of re-education. Like how often the textbook gets changed, I guess. So like, I don't know, like two, three years? How long's Ivan gotta take? How many times has he gotta take his lawyer test? He has to, well, you don't have to take the How many times has he got to take his lawyer test? He has to, well, you don't have to take the bar

over and over again, but you do have to do these continuing education courses, like Shane just said, if you open your ears. Yeah. Can we take the bar for fun? Like, can you just Google and take the bar exam? I thought about this with AC- Yeah, I bet you can.

I thought about this with the ACTs. I think it'd be fun to get us all in a room and take our ACTs again and just film it and put it on the patreon that shit would be Hilarious cuz I could be I did bad when I was 19 Well, I took a test with Bert and a bunch of other comics To see how close to we were to the spectrum Pretty pretty close I Was I was like surprised when the least I was surprised like that

I did you know did not test higher with like, you know, like possibility for being on the spectrum, but one of our friends That was I'm not gonna say it because I don't want to embarrass him if he is embarrassed by it He probably isn't but but I know you should get between him and friend. It was like 50 points like he was Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, and we were just like yeah, it seems right and he was no sure Hope he isn't ashamed. There's a we're all on the spectrum. It's no it's wrong. It's wrong He should be I think the a CTS would be I mean I remember like trying to remember the Pythagorean theorem Good luck. It was a plus b squared equals e squared. I was gonna

Like final jeopardy right there Sate you guys all know Ross he sat next to us and this was like Saturday We're all hungover and he's just doing the worst beer farts Like everybody's just punching up that nose though because he just can't stop and we're just punching this shit out of Ross Cause he would suffer Performance I Mean, I don't think the farts could have affected it. That thing was too long and I felt like garbage anyway So I was always getting too terrible.

This kid, Aaron Duthor, he farted in sixth grade and I remember it better than 9-11. It's funny how that stuff just sticks out to you. Well, the smell hung in the air for around the same amount of time. I remember everything. I was telling Kyle at lunch yesterday, so he walks by, we're in math class,

and he farts and we're all like, oh, and he sits down and he looks up and he's like, people do it Girls in here and all of you fart Dear that story canane would tell about like being a mouse key. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think that kid? That was so fucking funny. I don't want to do it. It was just saying yesterday He found out that didka used to say that. Mike Ditka used to say like, you got Grobowsky'd, but it was a different,

like you got hit really hard or something. Oh, okay. Anyway, deep hole, but yeah, wheels, man. Wheels, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Update from David, second guess was countries in song lyrics.

And then, I told him no, but then he said, I truly have no idea. So I told him circular things and he laughed and then it said, I was gonna guess most hung, but that also makes sense. Also, he- It's funny we were drafting most hung countries. He-

Where's the biggest dick, sorry. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go with the Oh, there's a Brazil's probably pretty good on wheels dude This one got off the hinges pretty quick the wheel in the sky, you know Keeps turning it keeps turning big wheel keep on turning probably keep on burning with my first pick I'm going to go ahead and take the earth. Yeah, although well, okay No, see that we were talking about circular. The Earth is egg-shaped. Isaac?

I thought the moon was egg-shaped because it's in such close orbit. I don't think the Earth is egg-shaped. You're talking because of the sun pulling on it. The Earth is egg-shaped. Yeah, the Earth is egg-shaped. It is, but it's a flat egg, though. That egg is kind of a...

It's a flat egg. It's a flat egg, so I think it works. It's like a... It's a Friday. It's easy. If it's egg-shaped, it's oval-shaped. It's a flat egg. It's a flat egg. So I think it works. I think it works. It's like a... It's easy. Well if it's egg shaped, it's oval shaped. It is oval shaped. So I think maybe I would track the pick. Thank you Shane. Was that on the ACTs?

I'm just... I was listening to... I'm just saying this because Ian gets away with this sometimes where he gets to bend the rules a little harder than the rest of us. I'm handsome and charming. Yes, you are. You are those things. You are those things. Not John. His idea is the reason I have a job. I'm gonna let us get away with whatever you want I don't care Because when we did the last Philly episode the one that actually aired we both got to pick we both got to pick brothers for the Rocky movie

Like you we do we drafted a rocky movie Oh, yeah, we did and I picked he has a brother and we did. And I picked he has a brother. And then you also got to pick he has a brother. And I was like, this is not allowed. Like this is against the rules. Well I was taking it seriously and you were being a buffoon. That's true.

I did, the fight did take place on Epstein's Island for me. I did take that. So you are. Which that last village show was pretty close to not coming out too. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's probably something in the worder there. It says, I can't take the Earth. I'm going to go, I'm going to zoom out.

I'm taking the sun. Uh-huh. Dude, I saw- Source of all life. I'm not a big click it and read it guy, but I saw a headline saying the sun might be conscious. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, butthole. Where'd you read this? Facebook, dude.

My Uncle Steve put it up, reputable Uncle Steve. You both wrote and posted the article. It might be, is that why I wear sunglasses sometimes? Who, the sun? Yeah. Yeah. You ever see those pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses? Yeah, sun raisin, dude. It might be cut is that why I wear sunglasses sometimes who the Sun yeah Yeah, you're looking at the Sun wearing sunglasses. Yeah, the California What's he what's he put what's he got those on for so I buy shock top. Yeah The Sun it's we listen

To have it on my shoulder with a tribal band. We freaking need it. We need it. Check it out, his legs are barbed wire, dude. That's pretty sick. What shape is the sun? Well, doesn't the sun, what's the sun rotate around? Got it. What does the sun rotate around?

Yeah. The earth. I'm taking a way back. That's where people are wrong. That's where we lost our way as a people. The sun's locked in here with us. I us sure that theory will be coming back pretty soon. I'm heliocentric dude. Yeah, God. You're probably right. Yeah I'm gonna start it. Yeah, we're gonna do all the dumb shit. We should have fun ones, too What's up, etc? What's the next closest start alpha Cent Centauri? Sure is. Or is it Beetlejuice?

I don't know, it's one of those two. When you look. I don't think it's Beetlejuice. Can I pick Beetlejuice for round things? Bigger, rounder, danker shit? Closest star of the earth. Proxima Centauri in the Alpha Centauri system. No, Proxima Centauri is what they call me at the gym.

That was Paul Mescal's character in Gladiator 2. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad Maskelle's character in Gladiator 2. Oh shit, Proxima Centauri is here. The Alpha Centauri system, oh wait, so yeah, Alpha Centauri is the system, yeah. That's what they call my car-blusing program. Sean was wrong, Ian wins, dude. Ian gets Sean's picks.

That's right, and because you're the boss, you do what you want, I don't care at all. I'll just sit here and be kind of funny the whole time. No, you're funny. Thank you. You are very funny. You are very funny. My voice went up that high allergies. I meant it.

And I love your haircut. It looks so good. It looks good. It looks good. My second pick, I'm going to take pizza. Come on, for God's sake. Yes. Oh yeah, it was there too long.

Truly circular, it's flat, you know what I mean? Yeah. I would eat around a spherical pizza. I would do that, don't think I wouldn't. Oh wow. Detroit is the weird one with that. I'm not surprised at all. Any pizza can get it.

If a pizza was a samosa, Sean would eat it. I would eat it. You're talking about calzone, it's just what you just described. Yeah. No. You fucking idiot, did they box that out of you? You know those things with like a steering wheel?

The calzone is absolutely a pizza samosa. And if you even try to sass me one bit. You're 100% right. You're 100% right. I was mistaken. I was off. You were right. Okay?

How does that feel? Does that feel good? Yeah. You like that? No. It doesn't fix anything. You must love it. Ian's right again, everyone. He makes the world go round. 100% right. I was mistake. I was off. You're right Yeah

You know, you can never slice it this pizza that you listen that that is round You can never slice it cuz then it's a triangle was it Kyle had that bit about an uncut pizza Yeah, I delivered to him. Yeah, that'd be wild, man. Just eating a whole. I've done it with those Totino's guys. I've been. You can grab you can grip and rip it. That's what you got to do with it. I mean, many of large pizza by myself, so there are many ways to. Yeah, we slice in the car on the way home.

Maybe another slice in a red light. I got to know them. Don't act like you don't know your company here, my friend. Yes. I'd love to eat a whole pizza again. Okay, what's your favorite, what's your favorite, um, like, chain pizza?

You know, Domino's is good, dude. Pizza Hut's good. They're all good. I like S'Little Caesar's the best. I always have. What? I'm not a pizza-fierce. I really like it. Like, if you put it in front of me, it's getting taken down. Like, I don't really...

Even the worst pizza, like, to steal a line from Wedding Crashers, who cares? It's pizza. It's good no matter what. You know, like... Yeah. Yeah. I think I go pizza hut, though. I like pizza hut a lot.

Just because it's so... I heard... Because it's so just... It's so gross. It's just like, this is the bad version of it. I'm getting exactly what I ordered. Like I heard the buffets are coming back. Uncle Steve was telling me that. Well, now that we're out of COVID.

Start opening retro spots again. The buffets are coming back during the Trump administration makes me think there was something fucked up about them. Yeah, well, I'll still eat them. Three beans salad. Because of COVID and now that we're in measles, it's fine to. Yeah, that, I'll still eat them three beans salad them cuz of Kovac and now that we're in measles, it's fine. Yeah, that's right the the like I

Understand Detroit pizza is good Is that what we had to know we had we had like is that so high of alley pizza? It's been long enough I can say it it sucked. I didn't like I don't need any of it cold. I didn't like it more than regular pizza. No It sucked as bad as pizza can suck. I didn't like it. You thought it sucked? You didn't like it? I don't need any of it cold. I didn't like it more than regular pizza. No, well there you go. It sucked as bad as pizza can suck, I guess. Kind of like with Detroit pizza, it's good. It's really good.

Calm down. It's bread-y. It's bread-y. It's square. It's good, but the good version of it is fantastic, but it's almost like a, they're adding another element to like pizza. It just creates like the burnt cheese on the side. Yeah. Yeah, it's fantastic

It's good. It is it is pizza But calm down. No, I don't even know calm down But like you know, just know that everybody else is doing a different way in both ways are good and you know Gotta talk like your way is better. No way For Detroit who you dating that's what I'm saying just yeah, yeah Why you put your gloves on for Detroit who you dating in Detroit Shane? I don't fuck around in a lot of places with a lot of different kind of women in a lot of A lot of different girls a lot of different places Now to Google a surrogate federal was indeed little Caesar's Detroit based company, the Illich family.

Oh, we have to revisit that. Sergey Fedorov was on the Red Wings, way to go Ian. You're killing me this episode dude, thanks bro. Little Caesar's is your favorite pizza. It makes so much sense. They got soft crust, which I really like. I don't like too doughy of a crust. Yeah, I just like the Caesars, man.

They're all good. A little air bubbly sometimes, but pound for pound, hot little Caesars, that's my favorite. You remember that little zippy spice they used to give you, the little spice packets at Little Caesars? I didn't eat it often enough, honestly, to really remember anything about it. I'm also with Ian on this.

We had one right by the crib. I feel sad for you. When I was in survival mode, I dabbled in Little Caesar's a little bit, so. I get it. I was going to Jack's. I'm not saying I'm better than you. I was definitely doing that.

Hey, the boss man, you could say you're better. Look at me. I don't like this. Look at me. You don't want that to be a bit. Wow, I'm looking at Shane. Look at me, Sean. I'm saying I'm better than you.

I'm just gonna let you show them. If it had to come from someone, at least I get a chuckle out of it when you say it. If I was the boss, would I give you and David each 10% of the profits? No. I would have left them there. When I ask you and David to split 10% of the profits, no. I wouldn't be that generous if I was the boss. I just thought that's how it went.

Pizza is my pick. Sean Jordan time for your second pick. Oreos. Oreo cookie. Wait, what? Doesn't count? No, it counts. Oreos for sure count. And you kind of get three circles there when you think about it. Three times, dude. Later on I'm going to take the frosting and you can't say shit I was gonna say cookies, but it felt too broad so I wanted to pick no definitely would not be too broad

But if you but you made I want to be so yeah, I don't you took wheels dog I don't yeah damn right. I don't like I'm not a sweets person. I really enjoy Oreos I like cookies and sweets just like everyone else but Oreos and milk Just just a reason. They're such a thing. You know like yeah, they're so good Yeah, am I making this up? But like because I don't drink milk anymore because it just makes my day terrible Yeah, and so like now like there's really no cookies attached to it. Are Oreos vegan? Yes, I think so.

Am I making that up? They are, right? Yeah, they are. So they're healthy. Which not a lot of people know. Now, is Oreos one of the things like- No Oreos are not vegan. See, I have a screwdriver, Shane has a pen.

I thought they were. Wait, for the most part Oreos are vegan. Fucking AI, get the fuck out of fucking. That first search is I just, now it's like I gotta go to the second one. Because the first one is just. Luckily we know that so many people don't know that. You know what I mean? Like, can Juicy Oreos is one of the people also asks?

Yes. Oreos is one of those things where like, Oreo is the brand but the kind of thing is a hydrox. Like the cookies are called hydrox. Like the kind of, like the way. Well, hydrox was a brand that went out of business. They were an Oreo competitor. But they were the same kind of cookies.

Make it funny for me for like the Little Caesars and you're keeping for hydrox out here? Yeah. So, well, no, what I'm saying is like that's an interesting, cause like Kleenex is like facial tissue, but everybody calls facial tissue Kleenex. Like it's one of those things where the word is replaced. There's a term for that. A brand replace the like default. Like bandaid.

There's a term for that. Yeah. Sharpie. I call it like all markers Sharpies at some point. I think a Hydrox was just a brand. Yeah. Yeah. There's Hydroxy cut stuff you used to get lean

bro yeah that we talking about change thought those were Oreos cool edition I got to cut they took a hit after the big okay now oh yeah yeah yeah yeah those commercials where the dudes torsos were just on fire, but they're shredded. Aaron, time for your second pick. My second pick is, oh, I don't want to do that one. We took pizza, so it's attached to pizza in my brain is one of those associated things of manhole cover. Oh, yeah, for sure.

my brain is one of those associated things of manhole cover. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. This is like when I think of pizza, manhole covers, turtles, like it just all goes into my head now. So I'm going manhole covers for the next one. I used to always think there was so much more shit going on under those things, but it's really not. It's just dirt. There's a lot of shit. It is crazy how much like the wonder you used to have about like,

what's in there? And now you're just like I would never go down there. I can't believe my favorite thing came from a manhole cover when I was nine. Your dad, my dad came out of a manhole cover. You would just see all the eyes and you'd be like yeah, that's sick. Like they would all lift it up like a quarter of a way. There's a skate park arcade down there. That's what we all assume. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, it smells pretty good. They got one of those candles that smells like midnight down there. Yeah, they got a... Do you think you could get up a manhole cover, any of you, with your hands? No. No. As a kid, even when Ninja Turtles were a thing,

I remember kids used to go over and try to get them up because the turtles are down there and feet and shit. And I just, know like they're No, no for sure not no Get a 45 off the ground at the gym with my fingers like Strength you would have to have like the amount of like grip strength you would have to have would be insane You know like this caramel level No way more than that. Do you think you could push one up coming out of the sewer? Yes. Okay

Yeah, you have you ever been in a sewer? I got questions. Any of you guys ever been in a sewer for sure. Yes Yes, yeah Yeah, just like like when I was a little kid I would like like yeah, like when I was like seven or ten, you, you know, like I would just like, I'll go down there. I don't care. You know, I don't believe you. No, I did it for sure. I've been like in like the indie dream part that was trying out, but I've never gone like far enough in

to be like, all right, I'm big in a sewer. I've fished boards out of the gutter, like the gutter, you can like get your arm in there. I've fished, I guess skateboards have gone down there before. So I've like got my shoulder, but I've never been like standing in a suit But that that's me. You gotta be careful though, cuz that's where it is. Yes, I know Try to take my board I doubted his eyes and crossed the seas

Was this the same day you were got caught wearing your black belt Two falls painting why I just don't got it like that. I guess Falls Pennywise just don't got it like that, I guess. No way, dude. Yeah, I guess. Sioux Falls Pennywise is just a mess dealer. He just listens to Pennywise. He's just like a rapper name. Cat in the Hat Hat. I would listen to that album. Sioux Falls Pennywise, like, yeah, I'm fucked with him.

Yeah. Is Sean wearing the Pennywise outfit? Sioux Falls Pennywise isn't a Wacky Circus Gang affiliate for sure. Totally. They open for the openers, so it's like, when mystery goes out for their headlining tour, She Calls Pennywise opens for them. Yeah. And She Calls Pennywise is just nice to say, I guess.

That's fun. Manhole covers, they're secretly important, you know? You may look at scants of this pic, but without it, where you pooping, in a hole in the ground? No. Yeah. That's what we would have been doing, yeah. That's where you would have been pooping in a hole in the ground? No. Yeah. Well, that's what we would have been doing, yeah. That's where you would have been pooping.

Yeah. I would have been spending more times in the sewers. That's true too. Shane Torres. Yes. Time for your second and third picks. For my second pick, here we go. I am going to take-

Big fatty in off the board. Off the board. I'm going to take butt holes. I thought this might come up. They're not round all the time. They're round when a poop's coming out because they're stretched. But they're really small round. There's still some hole there.

Okay. Brian and Shane, what do you love about buttoles so much that they were like that? I can empty. I like that. I can empty them empty mine Emptying it sounds so much worse Hey, do you have a public bathroom with no code? I really need to empty my butt. Yeah No, I'm buddy Mike Walsh off. He listens to this pod and I told him I was gonna be on the show And he was out partying last night and he just threw in but holes like late at night. And I thought it was.

And I was like, you're trying to get me kicked off the pod. And so Shane, you're going to go to the second one. So Mike, I've done this a lot more than you. They give me some leniency. It was on my list. I just I thought was going to be debated a little. I have butthole too and you're on. Butthole. Can you do, can you make your lips look like a butthole without laughing?

Yes. Yeah, but you're too good. Whoa. Yes. Yeah, but you're too good. Whoa! Right? For everybody listening, everyone's actually showing their buttholes right now. That's why we're all laughing so hard. Butthole. Butthole.

Hey, can I use your public restroom? I need to empty my butthole. Just go into there. What are you being seen for today? Well, but hold doesn't feel great My boho The poop just falls out It's not that I'm worried about the poop falling out of my butthole. I'm worried about something working its way into my butthole. Could like...

Too much space. You know when you leave a window open and a bird flies into your house? My butthole is that open? Yeah, no, my butthole's open right now. I don't want a ground-dwelling rodent to climb on my leg and into my butthole. That's why my voice is kind of echoing, because of the butthole being open, and then the wind comes in, and then...

It's like that game Operation. If you were really careful, you could get your finger into my butthole without touching the sides. I lost a couple pairs of boxes into my butthole. I lost a couple pairs of boxes into my bowl. My butthole is like an old washing machine. Doctor, I have a serious question. Can your butthole muscles rehabilitate?

Can I do butthole kegels? I'm sorry I've been missing work. It's just that my son's butthole needs an operation. Why you laughing buddy? I had to get my butthole fixed the other day. I'm not fully clear on who this character is. I like him. I like the guy.

The guy with the rough shake. I couldn't tell. I think he's so relaxed that he talks like that and that's the same reason that his butthole is open. His butthole doesn't work because he's so chill. Yeah. That's what happens if you smoke too much salvia, dude, your butthole stops working. That's Kray Tom, dude.

That's what Kray Tom is for. Kray Tom has tombed along when he quit Blink 182. Kray Tom. That was a Kray move. You guys smoke Kray Tom? What is Kray Tom? Okay, I did this show the other day and some dude before me was doing crowd work, ill-advised, stop it.

But I went up and I was like, well I gotta ask, what's Kratom? Because there was like a big Kratom head right in the front. He explained the whole thing to me. Sounds alright. What is it? He said it's like helps with pain and it just sounds like weed, like a like a buck or weed to me. It's a stimulant says Isaac Haley our resident taekwondo slash drug expert But it's also an analgesic. It means like a pain reliever

Yeah, like it like a buck or weed right? But does it so if you just smoke a ton of it Is it a buck or weed you don't you consume it so you like you ingest it? I believe you eat kratom. Yeah. It comes in like a powder. Eat kratom love? Have you seen that movie? Eat kratom love. Eat kratom love. Eat kratom love.

No, I didn't. Yeah, I guess I've, should we go into one of those kratom stores someday? I just, the ones that just say kratom. I'm having deja vu. Weird. Are you in deja vu? Yeah.

I don't know why. Yeah, maybe it's about cradum. Maybe it's about butt holes. They do eat a lot of cradum before we started. The whole bit just took you back to your other life. I ate too much butt hole. You don't have any mobile cradum that would have crawled up your butt hole, do you?

No, I'm not hungry. I ate a bunch of butt hole before I came. Sorry, yeah, I actually had butt hole before. I got really hungry at four and had butt hole. Just sitting at a diner, what can I get you guys? Ah, what kind of crratom do you guys have? Kratom or butthole? We can get a plate of kratom for the table.

Get a butthole full of kratom? Now guys, if I get kratom, are you gonna have some or not? Kratom? Damn near killed him. Shane, you're third pick. If you wanted kratom, why didn't you order kratom? I can't have kratom.

Cause I promised myself I wouldn't order kratom, but if you give it I can have some. You guys ready for third pick? Here it is right here. I can't hear a goddamn thing. I don't know what it is. It's a circle of life. Is that what it is? It's a circle of life. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH of life is that gonna pick up do you think I'll insert the the actual one I put it put in less than 10 seconds of the actual one coming after us are we legally protected if we sing I think singing it is fine okay I'm gonna sing a sound alike, like legally separate, the kind of thing I feel like we could get away with on.

So we can't say from the day we arrived on the planet, I can't like say that part. We can't even say any of it, we have to be legally protected. Okay, okay, here we go. Whoa, hey, what's up? I've got buttholes and some craters and I like it a lot and I like it a lot. Old fat ears. Are we protected?

Isaac, is that okay? Yeah, I think that works, yeah. I mean, it's highly offensive, but. From the day we arrive on the planet, blinking step into the sun. Does that work? Wait, now you're gonna get sued by the lyricist. I don't care if Tim Rice sues me. He can take a fucking fly and leave.

Oh, shut up, who's looking at their computer? You just might. He's listening. He's listening. For a second, I was. I swear on my life that I knew it was Tim Rice. Tim Rice and Elton John wrote all the songs, right? I believe you. That's his writing partner for Elton John wrote all the songs, right? That's his writing partner for.

Elton John on SNL tonight. Forever, I thought, right? No, no, his writing partner forever. Was Barry, Barry. Oh, am I wrong then? Is Tim Rice not his writing partner? Tim Rice did write The Lion King with him. I knew that.

Ernie Toppin was his writing partner. Ernie Toppin, thank you very much, yeah. All right, Sean, you have the board. Why do I guys differ on how to pronounce his last name? Oh, I do. Oh. No, I was doing a Jeopardy joke. Oh man.

Wait, but is it my turn? No, it's Aaron's turn. Jeez. It'll never be your turn again, bro. It is my turn. Hey, it's all right with me, man. I'm gonna go with the yin and the yang. Oh.

Shane's testicles. I don't know what they have to do with this. Look at him. Smooth as eggs, bro. And he's got the gauze of dick, the great divide. Shane's got the only non-wrinkly ball set. It's completely smooth.

It's beautiful. That's what pop out yourself. I have one when I drop the weight. It looks like Wilson's leather. It looks like a Wilson's leather jacket. I dropped the weight It looks like a 65 year old woman in Dublin, Ohio is wearing it Like a buffalo stomach wrapped over a canteen you know that might be the first thing that I remember Folks just being like we can put this on anything and not having any sense of like cultural appropriation like

Yeah, oh No, the starter jacket was for everyone Yeah, yeah, I think princess Diana wore a starter jacket like I think everybody Yeah, yeah, I'm these I I had a guy in a yin and yang He was a bum equipment shirt when I was young, but it was like blue and pink where the yin and the yang Okay, okay, that's pretty cool. I had a pog no surprise there. Yeah. Yeah Stop saying picks stop saying picks. We have like a yin-yang twins

But we started saying it wrong for like a lot of years because of them and the yin-yang twins Yes, the yin-yang yin-yang twins. Ay-ay-ay-ay One's leg was shorter than the other that was a big deal about that. Is that true? Yeah, it's like one of the brothers. He had like yams's legs was shorter than you. Yang's legs was shorter than you. So he kind of did like, They have names. With Catherine Hepburn, I was born on the side of a hill, like walk kind of thing or?

Yeah. It's noticeable size difference, I think. No way. I went to school with a kid that had one leg shorter than the other, he had to have mad operations, but he is so buff now. He climbs mountains and everything. Sometimes kids would have that kid that had one leg shortening the other. He had to have mad operations, but he is so buff now. He climbs mountains and everything.

Sometimes kids would have that shoe that was like, you know, like the sole was a little bit bigger. Just one ludicrous shoe. One ludicrous shoe, one regular shoe. And one stand up video. Yeah. You know, I told you about the time I stole his seat on a plane, right?

Did you know? Wait, yes, you did on this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah his shoes weren't that big and in person just say Hollywood dude. Yeah Tyler Perry's Atlanta at least And Isaac and Isaac Yes, sir. Just cuz I said it on the podcast before don't come in with that kind of tone Yeah, all new information every episode Yes, sir. Just cuz I said it on the podcast before don't come in with that kind of tone You guys felt like he was ready to land that like he was like excited to say like you've told it on this podcast Oh, he could not have gotten a cast or yeah

Isaac need to do karaoke against each other and we'll see what's what I Just a great. Yeah, great. You know Isaac's a great singer. I think you can singer. Isaac can take my spot in the comedian coulomite that I was talking about earlier. Alright, Isaac you're in good. We can see him in the first round matchup with Shane. Let's do it. You have to go. Alright, first round is against... I'll train you in the dark versus Savannah Stoap.

Sean time for your third pick. I am gonna goo with most nipples. Okay. No. Just nipples. Like, most nipples. But then some nipples. I'm not gonna go with a couple nipples.

What? Most nipples, yeah. Yeah, nipple-like. I mean, I guess there's some triangle ones out there, that I don't know about. Oh, I'm sure, you know,like. I mean, I guess there's some triangle ones out there that I don't know about. You know, it's like we're all God's creatures and not everyone was made with perfect circle nipples. Well, the whole thing can get a little oblong, like an oboe.

Mine is the shape of Sierra Leone, which we've already established counts. And David's is the shape of Israel. That's right. Wait, not from Israel. I knew it. As I was doing it, I was like, you don't know what country to say. As I knew it, I was like, you're going to say the wrong country. I'm French and Belgian, of course.

David's is shaped like Beaverton. How about that? There we go. Yeah. Beaverton doesn't have a shape, dude. It's a feeling. Nipples can be a feeling. They can be a vibe. Nipples can be a feeling, they can be a vibe.

Nipples are a vibe, for sure. Nipples used to gross me out, to no one's surprise, I'm sure. I'm a big nipple guy now. Are you a big nipple guy? David's a big nipple guy. David's a big nipple guy? Yeah, he's a big nipple guy. No, mine aren't that big, they're like hockey puck.

He likes big nipples or he has big nipples? He likes big nipples. He's been quoted as saying, Tootsie Roll on a dinner plate. That's what he said it on here before. It was on AFV. So sorry we repeated. That's the first time we've repeated something on here.

Yeah, sorry to do old bits. That's an interesting one. Thanks for the old bits. Oh, nipples, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if I have a nipple preference. I don't know Yeah, I don't know that I do either really yeah guys send DMS to Isaac and just let us know Hit Isaac with your best nipples and he'll sift through them. Yeah, and then right side only I'm like cool. This is cool. This is nice

Never there's ever an argument. Yes, it's kind of a pizza thing for me. We're like anybody anybody but Little Caesar's Well, they got Little Caesar's nipples up he was one of the only is I Think little Caesar has his nipple hanging out as we all know. Oh, yes. Oh my god Him and Cupid have that in common Yes, they do well depends on the Cupid how much for an errand I guess I don't know maybe you already have this done, but how much we got to pierce your nipples Yeah, do it Well say no more

We're all in LA at the same time or we're all in the same place. It's leaving for a year 500 grand It would hurt so bad. Yeah, I Think I could just do it. No 250 grand. I don't know man tweak your nipple right now No Damn it Isaac. I failed we tried I think I failed. We tried. I'm not talking about this last night. I'm tweaking right now. I'm tweaking my nips right now.

Yeah. And I got to be honest. You don't like it. Are you one of the people that likes it? They're not as sensitive as I think they should be. It's kind of scary. You have to be in the mood. Concerning.

I minor. I can't. Between the deja vu and the lack of nipple sensitivity, you might be having what we call Bell's palsy, my friend. Tell him that. No, Bell's palsy's the good one. Don't tell him that, dude. He's a hyperchondriac.

He can't hear that. Hyperchondriac. Yeah, I have too much caffeine and I get scared. Most nipples was the pick. It's time for my third and fourth picks. With my third pick, I'm going to take a delicious treat. Nipples off the board. Oh, oh, never mind. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna look at my list. Okay, I'm gonna take a different delicious treat, one that I've enjoyed my entire life and it's good no matter what sort of topping you put

on it, whether that be sesame seeds, poppy seeds, or even some sort of combination of every possible topping Which you'll be shocked to learn No podcast breaking news. No cost the same as every other kind It does nothing that has everything or nothing cost the same cost the same as every other kind my friends. I'm taking the bagel That's good. It's crazy. Like I know you guys don't repeat stuff on this part I really feel like I've heard that before no no unless somebody That's good. It's crazy. Like I know you guys don't repeat stuff on this podcast, but I really feel like I've heard that before. No.

No. Unless somebody, nobody would, has anyone, has anyone climbed that stand up hill yet? Maybe. Has anyone, has anyone been brave enough? Maybe. Bruce. Bruce. I know Bill Burr says a lot of stuff, but. It's not a hill, it's a mountain and some of us summons it. The bagel mountain. I do hear if you get one with everything, it does a mountain, and some of us summat it. Uh-huh. The bagel mountain.

I do hear if you get one with everything, it does cost the same as one of them. Cost the same. I've heard that. You're doing this to me too, Aaron? It's crazy, right? I'm sorry. No, it's fine.

I like the bit that I just came up with in my head and started talking to someone. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's the first time we've talked about it. It's breaking news right here on this podcast. And anyway, it's mine. Yeah.

Yep. I get the bagels and I get that observation I'm surprised you want it. It's so crazy. It's almost like you know, it's a very legitimate Something I would ever say on stage, but I don't know that into conversation. That'd be so stupid Some people can pull it off Yeah, that happened yet Maybe, maybe I guess. Well, the important part is that you keep trying, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what my dad said to me a couple times

when he was around. I do, I do love bagels. Yeah, Maxine's on the bagel train right now. I want one so bad right now. I'm in a, I need a treat mood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like I'm kind of, yeah. You know who has great bagels? The city.

Jews. Jews for sure. Yeah, Jews for sure. But you know what city has great bagels? Montreal. Montreal. Oui, oui, oui, Montreal. Yeah.

Yeah. Bagels, c'est magnifique, Montreal. I've never been invited. I won't be going unless I'm excited. Wait, are you waiting for an invitation from the mayor? Like, I don't understand. I don't know, do French people have mayors? Well, that's Canadian.

Don't matter. Maybe you haven't been invited because you don't know what fucking continent it's on. I'm aware it's not in Europe, you dickhead. I just know a lot of French people there. I'm aware! I know where it's not in Europe, you dickhead. I just, there are a lot of French people there. I'm aware. I'm aware. I know where it is. It's over there by Niagara Falls. Hello, Monsieur.

I said good day, prick. Well, he's Jacques Chirac. Thank you for having me at the Japeau Rear Comedy Festival. Where is your Prime Minister minister Jacques Chirac? Comentale vu. My fourth pick. There he goes. Take my wedding ring guys. Oh There we go, yep. Not wearing it right now. You know I do have it. I don't sleep with it on no. No you don't? No. Huh?

International waters when you're asleep. I'm sorry, I have to step for one second. Give me one second, I'll be right back, okay? I'm sorry. It's a great chance. Let's actually all take the second break of the podcast. We'll all be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Today to get 10% off your first month, that's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash All Fantasy. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. I have started eating an apple, but I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. The wedding ring was my pick. It's gonna get brown.

Weird, dude. I don't care. You care if an apple gets a little bit brown? A lot. Yeah, he barely eats vegetables and fruit every day. Yeah, I don't know why I said that. We have to give him that. Half a plate of veggies every night for the last month.

Following the three days I was in Fort Collins. What a great 43 year old you are. Yeah, they don't have vegetables in Colorado. My mom was in town for like a couple of months and she was cooking like every day. And I've lost seven pounds just from her being gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where are you at, Aaron? Are you in L.A.? No, I'm in Phoenix.

Oh, that's where. Yeah. Where was your mom in town from? Tennessee. Oh, OK. where, where was your mom in town from? Tennessee, from Jackson. Okay. I'm going to Jackson. I don't know, Pippers. You guys don't need to bring it up. I do have a good singing voice.

Good singer. I think it's pretty good. I like it. My wedding ring was my pick. I'm wearing it right now. I love my wife. I like wearing wedding ring. It feels weird when I don't wear it.

Now, I'm fully in that period. Sometimes I'll say, huh? I like having it on. I was gonna say, that sounds like when I don't wear it. Now, I'm fully in that period. Sometimes I'll say, huh? I like having it on. I was gonna say, it sounds like something sour on, let's say. It feels weird when I don't wear it. You come back from the road and you're like, you know she can hear you,

but you're acting like you didn't know. You're like, man, I love wearing my wedding ring all the time. So fun to have this on everywhere I go. Your husband is so nice to say it. It's just funny that everywhere I go, the ring goes too. So everything I've seen, the ring is seen. And the ring sees, and the ring sees all.

And the ring sees all. The ring's seen me grab a lot of TV dinners out of the frozen commissary at like Hampton Inn. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Eyeballs. You get them out, they're round. They're oval. Yeah.

What about my, what about my iris? That's round. The colored part of your eye, your iris. Isaac, Isaac, will you allow it? Yeah, that's a circle. And I get that Googledolls song too. You do? And I don't want Goo Dolls song too. You do? Do it to see me.

Cause I don't mean it ain't on the face. I don't want the world to see me. Cause I don't think that they'd understand. But everything's made to be broken. I just want you to know who I am. I've said that last part a few times. Just looking at girls down the hallway in high school. I know who you are. Why don't you know who I am? Oh you okay. I thought I thought you were like reciting it to me in a sexy way. A suggestion for a draft? Yes. Hit songs for movie soundtracks.

Oh that's a good one. Yeah. Because Iris is a big one. The City of Angels are a little iffy at the moment. When the legal landscape... We don't need to have samples. Yeah, we don't need to have the sample in there. What if I sing every song in the voice of the guy from... From the B-52s?

From the B-52s. The Love Shack? Hey, give me Eye of the Tiger, because that's on the B-52s. The Love Shack boys. Hey, give me Eye of the Tiger, cause that's on the list for sure. It's the Eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight! Rising up to meet the challenge of your Rye Balls! It's good, right?

That was great. Now do this, Sinatra. Do the Lounsinger who doesn't like Polish people. That's a carpet! No carpets on the bucket! That was great. Now do this Sinatra. Do the lounge singer who doesn't like Polish people. That's a Carbent! No Carbent's on the bucket! Carbent was the sequel to Norbit. It's Polish!

This Polish broad doesn't know how to use a lamp. I was gonna say do the Oregon solo from Nosferatu, like the B-52 singer. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Well, that's more of a film of the opera. Well, that was good. Ian, will you come on Catherine and I's pod

and do that as a character? The Sinatra guy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay, great. It's a little close to Artie Kendall, the ghost crooner from Conan back in the day. Oh.

But I'll still do it. You can modify it a bit. Yeah, I'll modify it. I'll make it more racist. I love that, yeah. Go ahead, I love that. Well, we're gonna tape in Greenpoint and we're just gonna do it there. There's nothing but Polish people in that neighborhood.

Perfect, great. Or in your wife's homeland of Chicago. I'll make it more racist. No, like, well, there's so many Polish in Chicago. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like the machine. Well it takes a lot of them to put that light bulb in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

If they spin the whole house, you know, that's the fun part. You forget, people forget. Well they're strong. They're strong. They hold the light bulb there and then spin the whole house around it. You know, they got a screen door on the submarine, these guys.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they helped us, they really helped us out in the Revolutionary War. This is the thanks they get. Well, that's about when they stopped being smarter than us. And on Chasmere Pulaski day, you guys make these jokes.

The only time I don't make jokes is Ramadan. Everybody knows that. That's true. And when is Ramadan? It's the day everyone's safe. They just, they just, just concluded, right? Yeah, I think it just happened What is it called? What's the end of my new brought or something? I can't remember the name of the Called Ramadan in Chicago

Remedian or you guys celebrate Ramadan So I ram it in. You know the difference between jam and jelly, right? What's that? One wasn't on a sandwich when he got his hand job. Yeah. You know, jelly your way into a butt. I went and saw you guys know who Julian Baker is? She's in Boy Genius, and she's a really great artist, and then Torres is another, like,

kind of female indie artist. They have this country album they did together, and they're touring it, but it's all like, you know, it's like the Boy Genius crowd, it's like a lot of like, very leftist, like female heavy, like, crowd is what it looks, you know, like they like the boy genius cross like a lot of like very leftist like female heavy like crowd is what it looked you know, like they all look like baristas and Torres just told that joke on Stay I couldn't believe it. It was crazy. She just goes hey Julian What's the difference between jam and Joe? She goes what do you I can't jelly my dick into your mouth?

And I was just like whoa That way yeah What she did? And and you can you should yeah, she's a pro. You should listen to her watch her stuff, you know well she did. And, uh, and you, you should, yeah, she's a pro. You should listen to her, watch her stuff. You know, she nailed it. I rolled the dice on one Torres already and he let me down. So sorry.

I try hard as a friend, but maybe I don't accomplish. No, you don't show it to my house. My daughter is scared of you. Yeah. Don't show it to my house, my daughter's scared of you. Yeah, she does what she did. Eye irises was Sean's pick. And I feel like we just got some. Hercules eyeballs. Mine is going to be a sushi roll.

Oh, the sushi roll is circular. That wasn't going to that wasn't going to be on Sean's list. Nope. Yeah, it's not a... I think that's a great pick. They are gorgeous. I love looking at sushi. They're beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They can be really pretty. Yeah. I love sushi. I took a bite of apple and I'm holding the microphone away from my mouth. I want to like it, man. I try it like once a year. Because your palate changes from what I'm reading in headlines. I don't read the articles.

I got a package being delivered. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. headlines. I don't Sorry fuck I'm sorry I'm headlining tonight, so I gotta go check the door I gotta go make sure I'm still ahead. I got past it the cell. I gotta go make sure no one's at the same I don't even need to be here. We can still do the podcast. I Would like to like sushi. I don't know. I don't think I'm ever going to, but I like tuna fish. First time I had sushi was at Universal Studios and they were randomly grabbing people to a taste test

cause they wanted to bring sushi into the amusement park. And they were getting like the people, they got like 20 random people together and we have to like sit in like this office and not be able to see the papers that everybody else had and you got to write it and they would just sit sushi in front of us and that was my first intro to it I was like this kind of warm and gross like why would they give this to us and then I still did it after how to get sick and then I ended up falling in love with sushi but yeah that was my first intro into it. OK, I'm back. So my next pick is the whole on the way.

Amazon guy. Jesus. Well, what happened? He got like we got a package delivered and he goes, you got to type your name. I go, yeah, OK. Like, I don't know how to do that, sir. Yeah. And then he goes, you got to sign out with your finger. And I go and I just like squiggled, you know, you got to do both. Yeah. And I just like throwsiggled, you know, you gotta do both. Yeah.

And I just like throws it from their truck on the my way. But I do like picture of it on my roof and I'm like, yeah, I'll get up there eventually. But I just squiggled, you know, because who gives a fuck? And he goes, no sign. He like wanted me to redo it. Brother, you just had your identity stolen. And I go, I go, I go on. That's good. And he goes, he wanted me to do it. I'm not doing it. Brother, you just had your identity stolen. And I go, I go, I go, I'm, I'm, that's good. And he goes, he wanted me to do it.

I go, I'm not doing it. I'm done. Uh huh. Because I just didn't like the way he did it. I would have been happily like if he had just been like, Hey, like they're kind of honest about people actually signing it or whatever, you know, like, well, they are not. By the way, he was a man. That's the problem.

Yeah. Yeah. Should have kept bottom, dude. Let him know what time it was. He's in your domain. You don't even wanna know. I've been working on my up-slip jabs, they've been good, man. They're coming out nice. You don't have to tell us, we're on the message boards. Yeah, right, fight hype, baby.

Shane's boxing Reddit. Hey, Ian. By the way. I'll just take my headphones out real quick. Please do, Aaron, you're welcome to stay. You're not a piece of shit. There's gonna be a huge fight in Los Angeles at Intuit Dome in like October and the Canelo Crawford fight it's like everyone's saying it's gonna be there

so I'm definitely coming and getting tickets would you want to do you think you get away for the night yeah absolutely I would go we can do a little burnt a joint birthday yeah we can do a show. Maybe we can work the showbiz angles a little bit and get like. Getting go. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it'll be it is going to be like one of the biggest fights. So I'm very excited for it. It's Canelo Alvarez versus James Harden. That's why it's at the end to it.

A little basketball joke. It's basketball. Your box is. That would be an interesting. That'd be interesting. No, Boxes be a lot. That would be an interesting thing to see. No, it wouldn't. It'd be a quick fight. Quick night, yeah. That beard's not a chin.

No, there's not much of a chin underneath that beard either. Yeah, now guess if you hadn't seen, if you'd seen Mike Conan, you'd know that about me too. My first Conan. Shane, time for your fourth and your final picks. For my fourth. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Sharing time for your fourth and your final picks

Why'd you put your butthole on the microphone That'd be a boss part for my fourth pick I'm taking ripples Yeah, I feel I like that. Yeah, I feel you. Oh, I like that. Yeah, I get a very strange satisfaction out of seeing them. Yeah.

Yeah, like, I don't know what, I don't know. You know, it's the physical representation of energy in a way, like you can, like, so I really, really like it. I don't know why, but I get a lot of cool how ordered it is. You know what I mean? What it's like, because it's a natural thing, but it's like, oh, it just comes because of course it all comes out at the same rate.

I guess unless there's like something and the growth and the growth and the disappearance. It's very I just I genuinely genuinely very much enjoy seeing it happen. And like Jurassic Park scene. Iconic. Yeah. But even when you see just like. Yeah, because it's not really rings, but like even when you see the design of it, like say on like just like a pastry or something, you know, and it just kind of builds out, I find it really satisfying for some reason.

Yeah. And if you slapped old fat Ian on the back, you could see another kind of rebel. Buddy, the old fat Shane. Yeah, it's the same guy. Just picture Shane with a penny at the Lloyd Center, like in the fountain or something, like please let it work and just flick the penny in. It came true.

Please let this all work out. And your final picture, Gershane, oh This is a good one I'm gonna take a toilet bowl opening Yeah, I got a square one, but I hear that's how I make Not all the hole at the bottom of the toilet is what I'm thinking of. The bottom of the toilet. Oh, yeah.

That's what I'm picturing. I go, take my bat away. You talking about the gulper? The gulper. The gulper, dude. The big gulp. Laura, the gulper on our toilet's a little shit-colored. I was like...

When does she get back? She left about an hour ago. No, she ain't here. Ian, she ain't coming back. Her and Max went to the park to stay with her mother. Laura went out to get a pack of cigarettes. She's getting some scratches in a new guy. Somebody should have drafted Sean's way.

I'm so bad. She's going to go get a scratcher and tie it to a string and prop up like a dumpster. First person that grabs it, she's going to pull the string out. Max, this is New Dad. Aaron, time for your final pick. My final pick. I was just recently

at a show at this place. I saw Stavros perform. Really good set. It was really fun. I'm choosing the Celebrity Theatre stage. It is ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's cool. It is circular and very stupid, but it was a fun show. He said he wasn't a moving comedian, but if you have to do that show, you have to keep spinning around so everybody can see. It is just a really dope stage to perform on. So I'm choosing the Celebrity Theater stage.

It's really great. That's awesome. It's like when David recorded his special on the round, and it was like, David's not a moving comedian either. But you have to be. Yeah, I'm not like moving that much, but I don't want anybody to see my butt the entire show. That's a fun, like you can see my butt.

I work really hard for it. I knock these quads out, but yeah Do you have good legs you have big legs? Yeah, pretty big. Yeah Some some leg workouts, I don't like to message you about some opportunities And I drafted buttholes Don't don't click on the link I said. I just asked for weird videos like show me how you do it. The link is an example of what could be but just don't click on it. Sean your final pick.

I'm gonna pick a roller coaster loop. Oh. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Great. Yeah. That's right. Fucking Aristotle. Goddamn, Soul Crates on here, making those brains work.

Soul Crates? Is that what Soul Crates is named after? Nah, they're like digging through the crates. They're called the Soul Crates. I know, Soul Crates is like Bill and Ted, right? And they call them Soul Crates. Yeah, they call them Soul Crates. Yeah, they're called Soul Crates.

Yeah. Time for my final pick. bill and Ted right on the comb so Time for my final pick couldn't leave it on the board dude. I'm taking the basketball hoop, you know May ball is life Yeah, I had it down there There those are awful. That's how they get you this though three spalls The ones that the the ones that like a carnival are oblong. I said that If you judge I said at the fair they're oval Is that a carnival? Yeah, sorry. Sorry that I'm a little more cultured. I can't tell what's the difference between any of those things So let's just between a fair and a carnival. I bet Isaac. I think I think it's like regional perhaps Okay, maybe the car a carnival travels in a fair doesn't we have the fair once a year the fair traveled in Sioux Falls

Sioux Falls fair travels. It's only there for like two weeks. Yes, it I think Travels yeah in itself. It's that's a carnival Yeah, yeah, but they call it the fair or is it like is it like an evolution like when it moves? It's a carnival, but when it settles, it's a it's a when it's when it's we always got never thought about this one It's a it's a moving traveling carnival. Where does it go next if advertised at the Sioux Falls Fair? Yeah, because it's not the Sioux Falls fair once it goes to right in the right. I never I've never thought about this It's like it's definitely a carnival. And aged enough. Did you guys get, did they do the fair in Beaverton?

They didn't have a fair? But the Oregon, Oregon had a fair, the Oregon State Fair. The counties had fairs. There was like the Washington County Fair and the Multnomah Fair. And those are only going on for a little bit. So why are those a fair? Well, I was going to say that the rides definitely move, but from place to place. Yeah. But maybe the fair is the event.

Fair is an event and a carnival is what's happened. So Google.com says- Dark Carnival is what's important. One of the main websites. One of the few websites that exist. Carnivals are small, often traveling and focused on entertainment, while fairs are larger, often community-sp community sponsored and feature competitions as well as elements of carnivals.

Oh. So we went to the fair cause they had like. Isaac, great job. I ever told you guys about Cow Pie Bingo? You know what Cow Pie Bingo is? I can picture it. I know it's where. You buy a bingo card and you're like,

wonder where that cow's gonna shit. Shit, yeah. How long does that take? Could take a while. Gotta get that Meta Could take a while. Gotta get that Metamucil in there. That Metamucil, come on. Metamucil.

You guys wanna hear a dumb thing about me at a fair? Yes. Yeah, whatever, I don't know which one it was. So, I mean, I was like six maybe, but they had a chicken that you could play tic-tac-toe against. I lost four times. Four times. You know, the key with tic tac toe.

If you've got to go first. That's so if you take, if somebody takes one on one side, you have to go middle or they, or you'll lose and then all you can do is force a draw. You can't really win if you go second. Yeah. This is like the closest Sean gets to chess I know how to play chess. I do not I bet I be a chess well now. I'm gonna get good at it. No you're not You're gonna go to that room and watch ten episodes of Chicago Fire

Sean can say it with his chest. Yeah, dude. He's the best. Well, for God's sake. Not about does it for us, the old AFE boys. Oh, is that it? Isaac, do you have a pick? Sure, I'll take the vinyl record.

Yes, sir! I had it on my list. A technology that I have problems with about fidelity stuff But it looks really cool Sounds great Doesn't sound great is not the word I would use sounds fantastic. It's not extra warm Why is fidelity? Like infidelity is cheating but fidelity is sound

Well, no, I miss them. No fidelity. It's faithfulness. It's just like a fancy word for faith didn't know that really. Yeah Yeah, it's like I could have fidelity in the Lord Almighty Semper fi Semper which is Semper Fidelis always faithful Okay, Marines. It's like see his vision and also I don't think the Marines are always faithful They're Semper faithful Marines might be cheating when they're on the road I got a board now that just said that soldiers... Magoogers? It's a minigun ripoff. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Magoogers! No, Magoogers!

Uh, we lost some great pit. Well, let me recap first. Shane, you took old fat Ian buttholes, the circle of life, ripples, and the toilet bowl opening. Aaron, you went second, took Sierra Leone, manhole covers, the yin yang, sushi rolls, and the celebrity theater stage. Sean, you went third, you took wheels, oreos, most nipples, irises, and the roller coaster loop.

I went last, I took the sun, pizza, bagels, and I have a really funny observation about those if you give me a minute. My wedding ring, and the basketball hoop. We left some fun stuff on the board tortillas. Oh Crap, oh la molla, bolla I was gonna say old-fashioned glazed donut the greatest donut. Oh, yeah exists in oscillating fan flying saucer Yeah, can we please put on Sean's hair right now crystal ball looks good coffee cups coffee mugs coffee cups for sure

Sunflowers onion rings what skittles are they round? Yeah, yeah, dang. I should have said you know people's It's a flat circle. I don't know if it is a flat circle. They just said that on a show And he's right. What if your pee hole was a triangle? I think my people's long. Yeah, you have to be really hard to notice that I suppose. I know what you mean. No, I'm saying I just imagine the shape of your ear.

You're a real. Yeah, I'm a shot. If the shape of your ear, it was just different. Like we all had triangle people's. We're fine. Right. It was like a race. So you think you're like, yeah, yeah. You didn't tell me you would.

You're a. Comes outgged bum. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You didn't tell me you were Jewish. Yeah. You know what I mean? Comes out in six dreams. All right. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, bat mitzvahed and everything. There it is. Yeah.

We don't repeat bets. That's a new bet. That's a new bet. Well, I changed the gender. Yeah, your lady is. All right. Yeah. A b'nai mitzvah.

Yeah. My shit does look pretty all right. I would call it a kikzin-dera. B'nai, mate. What do you, yeah, you have a good volume to your hair. It's just dirty, I think, but it'll stick up. You both do, actually. You do?

Yeah. And Isaac. It sounds like he got fucking scared. Oh, no, I forgot. I got a breeze going. Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah, everybody's got good hair. My hair goes down to my shoulders, though.

Isaac's got great hair. Does it really? How much, what product do you use? Oh, just a little bit of coconut oil and then a little bit of wax Yeah, that's it. I pee in mine Wait, how does that physically I lay down on it? I lay down and put a put a paper bag over my face I stopped the paper bag right here. I just put I use it like a blanket. I don't put it over my head I don't mean to bring down the mood

But you kind of look like Val Kilmer's old hair like from the 80s when he was like nice and high How would that bring down my mood buddy? I mean that does it cuz he passed rest in peace. We lost him What if I just heard? Yeah, what it does suck. We're watching to do the studio on Wednesday That you don't recycle the Tim so bit for the first time two guns One for each year. I got two guns one for each. You're so drunk. You're probably seeing double I have two guns one for each of you. Yeah Well, I don't even credit fucking Chopin

That made me cry It makes me cry in the movie anyways, but it's it's such a good line. Well, hell I got a lot of friends It's I don't oh, it's just so good. Where is he now down by the creek? That was tight, all right the creek Alright this has been all fancy everything Back We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at all fantasy bought on Twitter. I Guess not anymore. It's a bitasyPodcast at gmail.com. I have to break out of this rote memorization.

So hit us up there. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon where we have bonus episodes, live episodes, mailbag episodes, auction wraps. This or that. This or that. We have a lot of fun stuff. Really pretty good amount of stuff.

For less. Like 700 things up there right now. Than the price have a lot of fun stuff out there. Really, pretty good amount of stuff. For less. Like 700 things up there right now. Than the price of a cup of coffee. And Isaac's tasteful butthole. Hey, it's getting less and less tasteful by the day. Oh yeah. By the week. Well now that I own buttholes,

it's gonna get a lot less tasteful. Oh yeah. A lot of tasting. Shout out to our amazing producer, Isaac Lee, on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carbale. Shout out to Frankie O's, shout out to Sid the Dude, shout out to Hodgepizza, more important than all of that. Tune in again next week to another brand new episode

of All Who's Gonna Do It, Fantasy, Who's Gonna Be, Everything. Stiglackity. Everything! Siklakity!