All Fantasy Everything - Cities for a Weekend (w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

On the 12th episode of AFE, we're drafting the best American cities in which to spend a weekend! Host Ian Karmel is joined by stand-up comedians David Gborie and Sean Jordan, our first return guests. We're talking nice places to visit, whether or not you'd wanna live there. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. I am your host, Ian Carmel. Today, we are drafting, it's almost a little hard to explain, today we are drafting the best cities in America to spend a weekend in. Not to live in, not to raise their children in. Not to live in. Not to raise your children in. We're not asking about school quality or property taxes or how many green

grocery stores there are in that area. This is just to spend a weekend in. To draft the best cities in America to spend a weekend in. I have brought back everyone's favorite group from all fantasy everything so far david borey yeah and sean jordan ladies and gentlemen

fresh off the success of the malls podcast which if you haven't listened to go check out right now we're coming in hot and drafting now not only are you guys you're my friends you're very funny but you're also comedians who spend a lot of time on the road. Oh, yeah. So we've seen a lot of America. We are qualified. I've seen the gross stuff. Yeah, that weird part of America where you're like, ah, nobody would vacation here.

Yeah, yeah. Here I am vacationing. For two days. For two days. I was king. Yeah, if you're putting me up and giving me free drinks for an hour and a half that night at the club, yeah, I can make this a fun city. It doesn't take much, I've found. It don't, no.

It really doesn't take much. I just have to, like, after second show, if I'm feeling good, it's going to be a good night. No matter where you are. Yeah, regardless. It's just going to be fun because I did comedy, I got paid, and then I'm like, oof, I'm 10 feet tall, man. Exactly, yeah.

You've already caught a little buzz, but you have that the show went well buzz too. Yeah. There's nothing better than that. It honestly feels like you glide out of the club. It's the one I feel as sexy as I feel in my head all the time. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I feel like, man, untouchable, slicker than worm sperm. And you're good? Oh, man. Fucking fresher than wet paint, dude. Yeah. Walking around. What is this? Downtown Milwaukee? Yeah, dog. It is downtown Milwaukee. Yeah, it's downtown Davintown, man. Fucking fresher than wet paint, dude. Yeah. Just walking around. What is this, downtown Milwaukee?

Yeah, dog. It is downtown Milwaukee. Yeah, it's downtown Davintown, man. Portland, Gaborigan. When he shows up in my hometown. Well, now we can't talk anymore because that was the best thing. Now we got to stop. Just to remind people where they can see David on Twitter you at

The G is silent On Instagram coolguyjokes87 Sean Jordan on Twitter You are at Sean S Jordan And on Instagram Sean Cougar Melon Jordan There it is And we're Cougar gonna melon

Have a good pod It was complicated Ian insane clown posse Ian ICP And we're Cougar gonna melon have a good pod now a blue it where it's complicated Cougar in insane clown posse carmelian icp In stills and nash icp the first albums is my tunnel of love. Yeah riddle box Which one of the six Joker cards one has chicken hunting on it, that'd be tunnel of love That's I like that one. Yeah, or or or riddle box i they have goods there's some good they do have good songs like if you guys ever look up twisted with the z yeah they are good at rapping i remember good and sometimes they have cool beats when i was i was 17 years old i think and i paid 20 american

dollars to go see icp in sioux falls south dakota and twisted with a z and misery with a z opened up and i it's a good card dude it's a good card to this day i'm like it was a it was a hilarious awesome it was a spectacle i see icp is a little bit like a sizzler like you know it's good you've eaten there before but the clientele kind of scares you away it also excites you. It does excite you a little bit. Like, here I am in my actual element. I don't have to pretend anymore. Yeah, I thought I was something else.

I thought I was somebody else. Just doing the Wayne's World. Like, is this cool? Everyone's like, yeah, Doug, it's cool. I've been to like. You're at the show. I've been to probably legitimately in my life like 10 Juggalo shows and had a great time at nine of them. And that's a better ratio than

almost any other group of people. I saw Tech N9ne and that was one of the dopest shows I've ever seen. Tech N9ne and I didn't like it. It was Head P.E. and the Cottonmouth Kings, which I'm not thrilled about, but Tech N9ne, dope. And that's a Juggalo show, right? Yeah, Tech N9ne is like, he's not even honorary at this point.

It's just like... You're from the Midwest. What is it about the Midwest that make ICP andp and like tech nine i do not know i mean tech nine's from kansas city yeah that's yeah but that's like it's like the rap galapagos islands where these people they have no access to like the rest of the world so they evolve in these really weird ways because they want it like they want to get super buck and dance around and like and have a mosh pit you can't really have a mosh pit at any 40 cons you could but it gives you a whole different vibe it gives you like the excuse it's like listening to limp biscuit but you can also say it's rap be like no i went to a hip-hop show and everyone's like okay yeah yeah so you you get like the best of both of those worlds and

then you know and then you and then you move and you're like okay and you're like there's oh there's other i see that was a part of my life. Yeah. But we're not even hating on it. We're celebrating. No, it's dope. We love it. Yeah, no, I don't doubt it. I crown it for sure, man.

I mean, that's a whole other rap group that you're ashamed of but actually listen to. That's the thing. I'm not ashamed of any of them now. You actually aren't ashamed of any. You would go, how much would you pay to go see an ICP concert? If it was within my, like, if it was within my means, I'd pay like $40, $50. $40, $50? It was a great – okay.

Anybody listening, go listen to The Great Malenko. It's hilarious. All of it's hilarious. They are ridiculous. And it's the thing. It's a spectacle. I'm not thrilled about the music. I've gotten in so many arguments with people where I'm like, would you see them for free and everyone's like no i wouldn't and i'm like

how do you not go i don't see anything for free i would anything and if you don't like it leave i'm not saying you gotta stick around it's like if there's a stadium across the street you got a free ticket you walk in vip you're up in the vip go see it for free for a sec dude i will say because you can get so like i've got never gotten more buck than fucking i went and saw what was this group i can't even remember they're from they're based out of aurora colorado what up what up yeah i got so drunk and this was like dancing my ass off and it was just like a pre-concert it was like like a pre-concert, but I kind of know one of the dudes, and it was like a crazy night. Some dude beat somebody up outside and then ran in the pit and changed clothes with somebody else.

What? So he didn't get caught. This other dude fought my friend and then tried to go kill this dude in a box truck. He had a box truck, and he was like, you're going to ride? And I was like, yo, Juggalos are lit. What? Yeah, it was crazy. You guys did it different ride? And I was like, yo, Juggalos are lit. What? Yeah, it was crazy. You guys did it different in Aurora.

Yeah, Aurora, Colorado, man. That's fucking nuts. That stuff never happened in Beaverton, Oregon. Didn't happen in Seafall, South Dakota. Trying to kill somebody in a box truck. Yeah, and he was like, you're riding to all these people. And I was like, because there's this thing when you look. I guess you can fit a lot of people in the back of a box truck.

It was like this dude and this other dude named Dana. And it was crazy. But the thing is, like, when somebody asks me a question I've heard in a rap song, it's really hard for me to turn it down. Yeah. Like, when he was like, you riding? It was hard to be, not like, cock a gun or something. I just had to be like, bro, I got to work, man. I would do it just so I could pull over and be like, hey, doe, let me out the car, man. Just so I could say that, I would say, yes, I'm got to work. I can't. Yeah, yeah. I'd love to ride. I'd pull over and be like, hey, Doe, let me out the car, man.

Just so I can say that, I would say, yes, I'm going to ride. You'd get in just for that moment, huh? Just for the exit. I already should have. I'm going to go home to my dad, Lawrence Fishburne. Furious? Yeah, Furious Styles. Furious Styles is waiting at home for me. What a great name.

That's the best. Furious is a great fucking name. Yeah, it's pretty cool. This has nothing to do with the best places to chill for a weekend, but Ian and I were talking about this last night. How much do you think it would have taken, how much money would someone have to give your mother to let them name you instead of her? Oh, yeah.

So if you come out and someone's like, here's 50 grand, I'm going to name him Furious Gabori. I think my mom would have done it because she just gave me my grandpa's name. It isn't even like, she didn't like dig deep in the rocks. It's not like particularly meaningful. Yeah, yeah. She just gave me her dad's name. So like, I think she would have done it on the, I think, I think you could have named me Cash in Hand in the hospital.

Yeah. Like you just walked up. Cash in Hand. I think you could have done it. Attaché case, then she keeps the attaché case. Yeah. Like what's in it? Yeah.

I think, I think she would have done it for two wrecks. I think you could have named me for two thousand dollars see that and that is we were pretty broke when i was born and i was wondering what kelly jordan would have let it ride for like we're gonna name him like playstation jordan you know like i think as long as it's not like an insane name if like there's a stipulation where it's like i'm not gonna name your kid like like fuck burrow yeah you know what I mean? Or like Shit Stephanie. It's just the word shit and then Stephanie with no breaks. It's not going to be anything like that.

But it's going to be a name that someone has had before. Mortimer. Pick it. Ebenezer. Ichabod. Yeah, exactly. You can hide your name so well. So easy.

David is my middle name. My first name is Sar. Yeah. I just don't go by it because i never have dude you could go by s david bori i love that oh s and then you could be our friend adam posse calls me s that and so well i mean it's gotta be you now see i love that i love the first initial middle name move yeah Yeah. It's fantastic. The first initial whole middle name. Whole middle name. Last name.

That is classy. I, George Carmel doesn't work. I, George Carmel. Yeah, I is the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But dude, if it was like G-E and Carmel, oh. G-E and Carmel would be great. Yeah, but it sounds a little too much like G-Easy, and I don't know if I want to get

on that wave yet. We're not sure if it's going to crash. We're not. All right, S. Patrick Jordan? Yeah,rick jordan yes i would buy that book yeah oh my god howell's used like a book of poetry by s patrick jordan yeah his tales of south dakota yeah yeah during during the turn of the century my name is uh corn palace. Drinker of beers. Breaker of hearts. Ruiner of relationships. Owner of drastic haircuts. Owner of a lonely heart.

Owner of a lonely heart. We nicknamed a kid in high school owner of a lonely heart. Man, you should have called him Boner of a lonely heart. It was right there. Boner of a lonely heart. We should do this podcast. Yeah, we should do this podcast. So the way to determine the order, the way we always do, is the two of you will play a game of rock, paper, scissors.

One out of one, the winner determines the order. And again, this is a serpentine draft. And for those of you who don't know, serpentine means if you pick first, then you pick last in the second round, first the third round last in the fourth and so on so it's like reverses the order every round one two three shoot yeah yeah rock paper scissors shoot oh paper paper oh shit i fucked up the flow i fucked up the flow that's my bad this one people rock paper scissors shoot fuck you dude dav. You got to come back with the rock. The genius island wins rock against scissors. It's a serpentine. Yeah.

You know what? I am super comfortable with my picks, and I don't think anybody's going to take them. Yeah. So I'll actually go last this round. Ooh. I'll go last. Yeah. I'll put Jordan Estop first.

Rich Homie Karm second. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. Thank you for giving my Christian name. No problem. So I'm like him. Sue, the first pick, I just, I'm thrilled to get it started. Obviously, it's going to be Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Oh, my God. The absolute. No one else was going to take it. Yeah. I just, I was so excited to say it. With that much confidence, I wanted it to be first. I didn't even need to wait to have it be last. That's how much faith I have in my city.

In the entirety of the United States, Purple Mountain's Majesty, Amber Ways of Grain, Sea to Shining Sea, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I could walk you. See, it's a sleeper. I'll walk you through a day in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Well, it's not a sleeper because it went first. In the vacation's a it's a sleeper i'll walk you i'll walk you through a day because it went first it's in the in the vacation sense it's a sleeper like people don't want to go there so you uh you go to sioux falls you you fly into the joe foss regional airport now who's joe fuss yeah you know i don't know okay okay he's the dude the airport's named after yeah you fly in you you could go get uh the regional dish it's named after. Yeah. You fly in. You could go get the regional dish. It's called chislik. If you wanted to go get lunch, you go get some chislik. It's not. It's deep fried steak bits with garlic salt on it, and you dip it in barbecue sauce, have

some toast with it. It's the best. It's the best. Why does it sound like Snoop Dogg named it? Get this. We used to call it chislik. Huh? Huh? Chislik? Huh? What do you do? What do you do? Make your own humor in Snoop Dogg. Get this. We used to call it jizz lick. Huh?

Huh? Huh? Jizz lick? What do you do? What do you do? Make your own humor in Sioux Falls. You and Boner of a Lonely Heart sit down for some jizz lick. You have some jizz lick. You go to the skate park.

You feel so inclined. You can hit the bike trails. There's a 20-mile bike trail that goes perfectly around the city. Yeah. And the only bad part of it is where you can see the state penitentiary. Right. That is oddly located in the city of Sioux Falls, which has been in it. They didn't even give a damn.

In the city. But other than that, the whole bike trail is fantastic. And it goes right through the falls, which they're named after, the Sioux Falls. And it's very pretty. It's an extremely... In like 94, Sioux Falls was voted the number one city in America to, like, raise a family. It's fantastic. And the nightlife...

We're not saying raise a family. This is a weekend. This is an adult weekend. Wild for the night. Fuck being polite. You go to Tommy Jack's. Give us a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. The thing is, there were so many house parties.

And I'm a big house party person. Okay, I love house parties. There's house parties for days. A city where you have to make your own fun, to me, is a really good time. Yeah. Because there's not – downtown is sort of popping, but you would go to house parties, and there'd be beer bongs and slip and slides and just fun stuff going on all the time. Yeah, that's true.

And that's a good selling point. Mix it up with the locals. Everybody was always down to be like, yeah, let's go play lawn darts or let's go play bags in the front yard or something or let's just walk around with 40s around the block and see what's going on. I like that. Yeah, it's a fantastic place.

The house party scene was the best. That's my selling point. That's a great selling point. I'm going to jump in with who Joe Foss was just so we can all know together. He was a United States Marine Corps Major and the leading Marine fighter ace in World War II. There you go. So, dude,

he was just like up there in the plane, just shooting down Nazis. He's like the Red Baron. Yeah. Was the Red Baron a Nazi? No, he was, that was World War I, so he's alright. He's alright. I think. Don't hold me to that. I only know him for his pizza recipe. Oh, no, he was in the Pacific Theater, so he was not gunning down Nazis.

But I feel like he would have, you know, given the opportunity. And he's from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Born in 1915. Probably had a grip at house parties, maybe at the Pettigrew Museum. Yeah, but he died in Scottsdale, Arizona, which I assume you'll be taking second. If any of you live in Scottsdale, I apologize for the hearty laugh, the hearty gut laugh that we all just had.

So what was some of the gnarlier house parties you went to? We, I feel like these aren't selling points, but they were very memorable. We went to this party at Funky Town. This dude, Matt Funky, used to have house parties all the time. Yeah. And it got shot up one time at a house but yeah it got shot up things got a little too buck in in the in the room and these dudes are like we're coming back we're gonna shoot the party up and they did and they did and nobody nobody believed them i know it rarely happens nobody it never happens nobody believed them and i was like i was like i'm

dipping i'm going to leave and everyone's like what dog and i'm like i mean i don't you know It never happens. Nobody believed him. And I was like, I'm dipping. I'm going to leave. And everyone's like, what the? And I'm like, I mean, I don't, you know, I'm going to leave. And then they fucking shot it up. Did you feel like they were going to come and shoot it? I knew they were going to. Did you know them?

Loosely. Loosely. You just knew that they rolled that hard. Yeah. It was bananas. We had, there was one party where Rat, my friend Rat, was moving out of his house and they were going to tear it down. Yeah.

So we had a hole in the wall punching party. Like punch holes in the wall party. That would be the best part. It was. And so years later. It's like that scene in Pinocchio where they just devastate that, right? Isn't that in Pinocchio where they? Oh, yeah.

They fuck the house up. They just fuck that house up. Yeah. The Island of Bad Boys. Yeah, yeah. Years later. That's the two falls is the bad boys. Yeah, yeah. Years later. That's the two falls is the island of bad boys, dude. Damn right.

Yeah, that's the tattoo I have on my lower back. Years later, we were hanging out with Rat in a house that I used to live in that was not getting torn down. And he had a punch a hole in the wall party anyways in the basement. In a house that was not getting torn down and then my roommate not give a fuck my old roommate came home and he's like one of the whole walls in the basement was just fucked it was gone and rad's like yeah you know we're just that wasn't a punch a hole in the wall party that was a that was a give a a drywall contractor yeah fifteen hundred dollars party just racked in drywall is that the kicker

dude it was yeah it was bananas what about the halloween party the rap karaoke halloween party stuff oh dude yeah every every friday the 13th we have like a machete party or yeah so like yeah they and they used to now we do it at the they do it at the skate park but we used to do it at uh joey and adam's my friend joey and adams house you know adam yeah and so every friday the 13th they have a machete party where they build an obstacle course inside and outside of the house and then the winner gets a machete wrapped in barbed wire basically and it's it's that's that machete shit yeah absolute it's the absolute dopest it's so fun because it's a whole day of just like you show up you help build the course and then you get like 20 30 people there and then joey or dj would just give you like a run through and you're

like okay like one of one time one of it you had to like do a figure eight through all these like standing up jason masks and then sit back to back with somebody and then shotgun a beer and you could do the race as many times as you i mean that was just a small part you could do the race as many times as you wanted so every time you did it you had to shotgun a beer oh my so by the end of the night there's people like trying to jump hurdles that had shotgun like nine beers in the last half hour you were the the adult legends of the hidden temple nature that's exactly exactly the last machete party they had they built, you know how you had to put the trophy together? Yeah. They built one DJ, I don't know how he did it, but it was like a foam temple with a Jason head.

It was a machete that you plugged into the top to seal it. And there were four different quadrants that you had to go to. They're so tight. And that's what I'm saying. I've never been to a city where people, and maybe they do, but i've never been to a city where it's like that is what all of our friends are doing that night because that's not what we've got nothing else going on yeah you know it's like there's nothing else to do so you just go to the machete party yeah necessity is the mother of invention and you necessity shit to do because you lived in sioux falls yeah dude

yeah uh and what about the rap karaoke on Halloween? Is that on Halloween? What is that? Dude, yeah. Hip-hop karaoke with Soul Crate Music. The Soul Crate Boys. Soul Crate. I feel like I've heard of multiple DJ collectives being called that. These are the best ones. I think they're so great.

They're a hip-hop group, right? Yeah, they used to be called the Urban Ills. And they hated it so urban ills urban ills and and uh still still calling them ills and like now that they're all grown up they'll be like come on man it's hilarious i'm kidding that's really funny though they have they were the first the first time i ever saw hip-hop karaoke or heard of it was we would so every halloween they've been doing it for like six years they'll do hip-hop karaoke and it is for the three of us who all want to be rappers desperately it i got to rap me and my friend did uh emin dre guilty conscience and we for like a week beforehand he made a he made a cd with just the beat yeah so we would both drive around in

our cars just trying to get the beats right, rapping. Who was who? I was... I think I was Eminem because he swore more. This is my friend John, who doesn't swear or drink or anything. Oh, yeah. Oh, he was him? He was Rude Boy. Because Dr. Dre's the voice of reason. Yeah, yeah.

So I was Em because he was the worst one. Yeah, okay. Fuck that. Do that shit. Hit that lick. Yeah. It was the worst one. Yeah, okay. Fuck that. Do that shit. Hit that lick. Yeah. It was sick, dude. It was so goddamn fun.

And we went first, knocked it out of the park. And then my friend Todd the Coward tried to do Can't See Me without, you know. Without George Clinton? Without saying the end of it, basically. Oh, no. That without saying the end. Oh, no, that would be almost impossible. But he,

he was succeeding, but he was like screaming the whole time. Halfway through the song, you ran out of breath and you're looking at him. You're like, Tupac was in shape. Yeah. Technical song. Yeah.

Especially without the, how does he do the real blank fingers on nickel plate? I'm saying it was crazy. I was like, why did you even think you could do that? That's a hard Tupac song. It's a great song. It's hard to do if you were Tupac. I wanted to do it, but also respect the song.

You think it's like the deep cut, and everybody's going to be like, whoa. I get where you're coming from. Yes, because it's not the first Tupac song you think of, but it might be the one you're most stoked about hearing when it comes out. Yeah. Because you would never think of it. Yeah, yeah. There was a blind stares of a million pairs of eyes

looking hard but can't realize. That my friends Adam and Frat. Frat would not spark the bowl until that song was on, so they would cruise around in my friend Adam's whip all the time and smoke weed. Frat wouldn't spark the bowl until Can't was on so they would cruise around my friend adam's whip all the time and smoke weed frat wouldn't spark the bowl until can't see me came on i didn't know people had so much love for that song like i like it but i didn't know it was like i get it though yeah i get it too i get it too it's amazing i didn't at first get sue falls as a pick but now i feel like i understand it a little bit i mean I mean, of course I was going to pick that, and obviously it wasn't going to go, but it just had to be my top off.

Well, I have a second pick of the first round of the fun cities to spend a weekend in, all fantasy, everything. And as much as it breaks my heart to do so, I can't take the Rose City. I can't. I can't go PDX, even though I love't go PDX even though I love it so much.

Portland, your native son, lets you down. I got to go with New Orleans, Louisiana. Shit, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I get it. There's not a more fun scene.

Just three days. Four might kill you. Five probably definitely will. That third day when you're like, oh. You're just pushing it through. It's hard. It's all hard. It's all hard on that third day. Yeah. For sure. You're just pushing it through. It's hard. It's all hard. It's all hard on that third day.

Yeah, for sure. You don't have any clean undershirts left somehow, even though you packed plenty? I don't care. All your sweat towels are dingy. Yeah, they are. That's when you need to get out. And you need a fucking sweat towel in New Orleans. Dude, grips.

You're always glistening. You're always glistening. But it's nice that everybody's glistening. This isn't the main selling point of New Orleans, by the way. Dude, it doesn't close it can you can go as hard as you want there uh the food is amazing yeah it's i don't understand how every like because you'll walk around and most people are fat but not everybody i don't understand how not everybody's fat there because like there's it's like beignets and muffalettas and like those sandwiches with like debris i forget the name of the restaurant lots of gravy lots of gravy for

such a hot place they're a very gravy and thick soup heavy yeah fried foods but it's you're already sweating yeah it's a big deal i mean i guess there's no difference you can only get so sweaty that's true my face is only gonna get so shiny. Put some catfish grease on it. It's crazy that gumbo is associated with New Orleans, though. It's so thick and hot. The city is gumbo.

So I guess it is the soup that feels like the city. But if you said, like, here's this bowl where do you think this is native to? This bowl of food? I'd be like, uh, Fairbanks, Alaska? Yeah. That's where you'd have to be to eat something that thick and hot. Somewhere where they eat borscht.

Right, exactly. And it's like, no, it's one of the warmest places in the United States, one of the thickest. But there's nothing like walking down through the French Quarter or anything like that. I don't even really fuck with Bourbon Street, although that can be a fun... It can be fun. You gotta be in the right mood. You have to be hammered and then go to Bourbon Street. You can't go there and get your first drink on Bourbon Street.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Let me get a whale bone. Yeah, you got to go up like getting hurricanes. Yeah. You got to be hammered working your way to Bourbon Street. And then once you're on Bourbon...

Because if you get there sober, it's just a street. It's super. If you get there super, super. That just caught me so, so. If you get there super. You're going to be super bummed. Because it smells like barf and piss. The street does.

It just doesn't drain properly and people piss and barf all over it. Yeah, it's like another country. Yeah, it really is just this one street. But if you're there, if you're like four drinks deep, and you get there, and you're like, oh, this is where I need to be. What's that street with all, it's not Bourbon Street, but it's near there. It's like walkable. Frenchmans? Exposition, where all the music is and stuff like that.

Yes, yeah. I was walking there one time, drunk as shit, and i just stumbled into like a jamaican block that's like just like a block it was the craziest they had grills in their trunks like meat and they were making meats dude and a bunch of mesh just for a block and i was like yo this is lit and then i just stumbled on out but it was like i was it was crazy i was just in new orleans i bought meat out of the back of a truck or trunk of a car not even a truck trunk meat is the best it was so good like a heating apparatus it was like it was like yeah it had he had like a grill set up in there that's yeah coleman in the trunk and he was selling like these like jerk

meatballs yeah just like selling the people out of the why didn't exhibit ever do that i don't know that would have been really yeah I think it's not. If Matt writes it, your car's a fucking grill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lawyers at MTV were like, I'm sorry. We have restaurant licenses. I'm sorry, Mr. Xzibit. Xzibit?

Xzibit. That's his. Xavier Xzibit. Xavier Xzibit. You know, of the Highland Park Xzibits. Xavier Xzibit. Of the Highland Park Xzibits. I'm Zibbits. Xavier Zibbit. Of the Highland Park Zibbits. I'm sorry, Mr. Zibbit.

Your loan's been denied. My father's with the Zibbit. Do you know who I am? Call me X. My family has done a lot for this city, all right? Oh, no. Not like Governor Zibbit. Yes, like Governor Zibbit.

Did you say Xavier's my father? Yeah. No, Mr. Zibbit's my father. Please call me X. Call me X. Yeah. X to the Z also works. He gets up, call me X.

X. Oh, God. But New Orleans, when you're walking by by you're walking by bars and like there's music coming out of every single one of those bars you know like different songs it's just like a and it's a city that's in love with itself and i think the best cities are cities that are a little bit in love with themselves and what like makes them unique you know new orleans fucking loves new orleans yeah everyone who's the same yeah everyone who lives there it's their favorite city you know what i mean yeah there's nobody in new orleans who's like ah you know i'd love to

live in des moines but i grew up here yeah yeah that's a good point it's everyone who lives there it's their favorite fucking place on it for the most city pride is such an attractive thing to me yeah always oh yeah it bugs me so much when people hate on where they're from. And I get not everyone's from the best place, but you're from there. Yeah. I love city pride. I love it. Well, we know. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. You're right. What do you call it? There's got to be a cool name for Sioux Falls. What do you call it? There's not. No. Screw Falls.

Screw Falls. You did it. We're not talking about Sioux Falls anymore. I would call it Zoo Falls. Screw Falls? Yeah. It just isn't. You did it. We're not talking about Sioux Falls anymore. I would call it Zoo Falls. Zoo Falls. Oh, Zootopia. Brooklyn Zoo. Zootopia. Yeah.

Zootopia, dude. Come on, man. It's open. It's wide open. A town named Sioux? The Sioux Empire. The town named Sioux. The mighty Sioux Empire.

Yeah, dude. That's what it is. Sioux Empire. Dr. Sioux sue yeah uh for the nerds just for the nerds in the house dr sue dude uh yeah new orleans is it's it's amazing like on every level i feel like it's the perfect city to just spend a week because any more than that you're gonna kill yourself but like the food is so good there's this place called mr bees that has this barbecue shrimp that is one of the most decadent, delicious things I've ever had. And you can get that.

I love shrimp. Yeah. It's so good. It's like this soup. It's like with shrimp in it. And they give you this bread. And, like, it's literally, you'll lick the bowl. You could be at a table with your girlfriend's father who you're meeting for the first time.

And you wouldn't be able to stop, like, licking the bowl. Man. That good. I've licked the bowl. I've gotten face deep in like some bisque absolutely yeah oh i love getting down in a bisque oh man yeah and they got fucking bisque there too they got the beignets you know at that uh i forget the name of that place which i have the mug from there uh as a selling point i forget yeah it's the famous place that does the chicory coffee. I like to go down there and just get a plate of grits and a mug full of gravy. Just start my morning.

Absolutely. Just start it off thick. Just slow that blood down. Yeah. Cafe du Monde. Cafe du Monde. You move slow in the South. Yeah. Take it easy.

Don't want to get too sweaty walking for the next bed. Yeah. Because we're 40% gravy. Our blood moves slower. next bed. Yeah. Because we're 40% gravy. Our blood moves slower, you understand. Yeah. Like the Mississippi River, lazy. Julie, you just winded. By this point, it is, too.

That river kind of sets the pace for it. It's just like big and slow. Towns definitely draw on, or places draw on what's by them. You know what I mean? And it's got that vibe. That's why beach towns feel like beach towns. Yeah, there's no go-go beach town. Yeah.

At least not in the United States. I feel like Houston is close to the beach. Houston is kind of closer to the beach, and that's a slow place. Yeah. Yeah. Even if you don't want to get hammered, if you have that afternoon where you're like, I should take it easy, there's just so much fun history there. It's one of America's oldest cities.

It's beautiful. Yeah, and it's gorgeous. If you look at it, the buildings, there'll be pink houses next to turquoise houses, and it all feels natural. It's just great. You go to Lafitte's Bar. It's been open since the 1600s or some crazy. Yeah. Let me see exactly when it's been open since.

But you can go have a drink in a place that's been open since the 1700s. Yeah. Yeah. There was a huge fire and they saved just that bar because it was so important. Yes. Because people love getting hammered there so much. And still to this day, people love getting hammered there. I respect that. And it's open until like 3, 4 in the the morning that's the thing about new orleans yeah like i've gone in a bar

in new orleans when it was dark and come out when it was light again yeah yeah and just been like and then there's like a bunch of steampunks there so it was like a weird time at like six o'clock in the morning where i was like bright out there's all these steampunks around. And I was like, this could be 2065. How long was I in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like prove it that I didn't just fucking rip Van Winkle my shit. Right, exactly. You can't tell me that.

I got to see a newspaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in a Midnight Paris type situation. Like, it could be. It could be. And you're hammered so you convince yourself. You're like, yeah, it is. It is. It could be.

It is. I've done it. Yeah, it is. It is. It could be. It is. I've done it. Well, I took New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans.

New Orleans. New Orleans with my first pick. David Borey, it is time for your first pick. A lot of people would think I would go mile high until I die. Yep. Honestly, I got to go with my second city, my home away from home, the sucker free, man, San Francisco, California. San Francisco. It is the best freak town ever

like if you're a freak and you're a weird person it like is so embracing like i've never gone to a city and gone out and got drunk and been like everyone here is gonna get laid tonight yeah like that's how that city feels it's like it feels like everyone's gonna get laid tonight yeah like that's how that city feels it's like it feels like everyone's gonna get laid nobody's here for a long time yeah you meet the weirdest people because you'll just be drinking and then now all of a sudden you're drinking with these croatian dudes and holy shit he's got acid and then this other one's got a roof you can hang out with now it's five o'clock in the morning you're talking to some dude who was in a punk band called the ex-boyfriends and he's shitting on the castro gays because the mission gays are cooler and you're just like what happened and then you wake up in a park

and it's okay that's amazing right okay because that's almost the city's proudest tradition is nights like that yeah yeah it's just i've never gotten weirder with groups of stranger people than i have in San Francisco. And everybody gets laid because they're all weirdos. They just want to touch something. Yeah. You just want to rub up on something in the night. It doesn't matter.

They just want the physical consistency of an erect penis. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, San Francisco at four in the morning will make you do things you didn't know you could do. Or like I fucking, Sam Talent, my great friend, came out to San Francisco and we started drinking at 6 p.m. By 3 o'clock in the morning, I was bombing a shortboard down a San Francisco hill on the way to the beach. Hit the tracks, right? Rough idea.

Dude, I got probably six, seven blocks, too. I was flat moving. Had you skateboarded before? Yeah. I mean, I had rode a skateboard before. But not like bombing a hill? That's the point where you can just jump off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I either fall or I make it. And it was starting to get in. I was getting the speed wobbles. And then I hit a fucking track. Damn. Like one of the train tracks the the train tracks fell busted my head open i'm bleeding right from my head these two hobos are drinking tequila in a stairwell

they're like holy shit man are you okay and i was like i don't know man and they're like come over here so i go over there and i'm drinking pounding this tequila with these hobos my friends catch up to me they're like are you okay you're bleeding i was like i'm fine let's go to the beach then me and sam talent go to the beach we strip down into our underwear and we run to the beach and this is like four o'clock in the morning yeah i got a head with a busted head about to get in some salt water shark water i dropped my phone in the water because i'm trying to take a picture right sam talent looks at me under the full moonlight in our underwear in the ocean this beautiful spot and sam looks at me he's like you don't need it and i was like i don't need it and it was like so beautiful i woke up the next day and totally missed work and it sucked that i didn't have my phone yeah the last thing i thought

you were gonna say is that you went to work the next day no i didn't even go to work no way there was no way that kind of a weird night is like that San Francisco to me. That is a fucking – that's a beautiful night. The weirdest shit. Yeah. I love weird, weird shit with strange people. That city is amazing. I went to a spaghetti restaurant and got a 40 with my spaghetti.

San Francisco. Fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. It's changing a little bit, but they'll never be able to fully chase out the freak stuff no you can't get away from it these techies are trying to crush it but you just like you can't because there's so many like everybody you like people move there to live an alternative lifestyle yeah you know what i mean or to fake

like they're living well yeah or like run away from where they were yeah and just like sit around and be weird so it's like there's just so much i learned so much about different kinds of people there and yeah pansexual i didn't even know that was a thing i thought it was like playing the flute while you sexed yeah but it's like it's actually a type of person do you find a pansexual eating pan fried noodles at a restaurant in chinaatown? Yeah, I've been pansexual. Been pansexual. Where you been? I get pansexual three times a week.

It is an amazing city, too. One thing I really love is how unassimilated some of the cultures are there, which is great. Because you go to Chinatown. It's like another country. Right, exactly. Yeah. And even if you go to North Beach, you'll go to an Italian restaurant where everyone's speaking Italian.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's the thing is they really, like, held on. I know people who, they call it ABC, America Born Chinatown. And I know Chinese dudes with accents who lived in San Francisco. Who've, like, lived in San Francisco their whole life. Yeah. It's just, like, it's the, and Chinatown after dark is, like, sketchy.

But, like, there used to be this China cab. And it was just this Chinese guy. chinatown after dark is like sketchy but like there used to be this china cab and it was just this chinese guy and you would call him yeah and he'd be like where are you and you'd be like i'm here i have to get to here i got seven bucks and you'd be like all right the original you once gave a ride to the guy who found an uber yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like you know what we could do. San Francisco is one of the greats. And another one just like with tradition. You'll go to a bar and it's like where the beat poets drank at. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Or just like the bar we used to run shows at that was like the bar that Robin Williams and all them drank at in the 80s and shit like that. Yeah. It was just like it's everywhere. And you talk to it's the city's so small that its and shit like that. Yeah. It was just like, it's everywhere. And you talk to, it's the city's so small that it's like a small town. Yeah. It's seven miles by seven miles. So every time you would go out, you would see people you knew

because you only go to the same five neighborhoods. Right, exactly. You know what I mean? So it was like, it's just, yeah, it's the best for a weekend. And just like for anonymity, I met so many people that you've become friends with who just are like yeah i'm just from texas and i'm going home on monday but here we are now yeah let's be friends for the weekend yeah yeah yeah that's because that's how people use that city like it's a

it's a transition city nobody lives there that long anyway no you can't nobody can afford it yeah how do you how do you live there well it used to be that all the artists were living like grimy like me and my friends. Yeah. But then after a while, even that started to fade. That's what's happening, yeah, back in Portland, too, is, like, a lot of those places where, like, the flop houses. Like, I would live, you know, I lived in an apartment with three other people in two bedrooms.

But, like, I had friends who, like, six of them would live in a house, you know, and They all paid $250. Exactly, yeah. And the rent was, like or medium high, but like there were enough of them just like fucking vegging out in this house. And then they knocked that over and put up condos and apartments and be like, it's going to drive rent down. It's like, it's not.

No. There's only one person can live there. Yeah. Cause you're not going to give us enough keys to make this work. Yeah. Oh yeah. And you don't want to have, you don't want to live in that apartment where you got three dudes living there on the low. Carpet. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you don't want to have, you don't want to live in that apartment where you got three dudes living there on the low.

Carpet. Yeah. Yeah. Carpet. Just the concrete floors. Yes. You can't have carpet when there's like a flop house. San Francisco.

San Francisco. Fantastic pick. And because you, because you're going last, you also got the first pick. I'm going to double down right now. and I'm going to say Reno, Nevada. What the fuck? Yeah, you didn't see it coming, did you? No, I didn't see it coming. Reno has only ever been excellent to me.

Reno, Nevada? I have never had a bad time in Reno. Yeah. Straight up. I think it's like, because you know what it is? It's like kind of scummy. It is kind of scummy, yeah. But it's also still got that Vegas element.

So there's people there who are excited to be there. So it's kind of trashy. It's a little trashy. It's a little glitzy. Yeah, but there's a lot of people who are excited to be there. It's cheap as fuck. It is cheap as fuck. 250 prime rib across the place.

That's a fantastic selling point. Reno is what people like yeah oh yeah when people think of vegas you know like the shrimp cocktails the cheap buffets blah blah blah that's reno that that doesn't exist in vegas exactly reno is like the dream reno is like what you want it's like i always think about reno i say like reno is your hometown if your hometown had casinos yeah yeah it kind of is yeah, it's a bunch of real normal people. Yeah. But then they got this weird downtown.

And a bunch of people, a tech company moved from Memphis. Yeah. And I think it was like 2,000 people under 35. They moved all these jobs to Reno. Oh, shit. So there's a whole bunch of young people there. I did a show there one time. And this might be a lot of the reason I picked Reno. Yeah. We did a show there one time and this might be a lot of

the reason i picked greeno yeah we did a show there and we all smashed it was a great show like one of those fantastic ones and then afterwards we were staying at my buddy's house whose parents house yeah they're real rich like they had a steam shower in the house it was lit that's amazing yeah and we like we were like we should should just ask all these girls if they want to go. Every girl we asked came back to the house with us. What? Every single one. It was incredible. My friend Andrew Holmgren had sex with a heckler's girlfriend.

He was like, we're going to this house. And her boyfriend was like, yeah, well, we're not going to do that. And she's like, I guess I could come. It was the best. We ate a bunch of Molly. Yeah. And the party numbered. It was like girls to boys.

How long ago is this? Because Molly hasn't been around that long. This was like two or three years ago. This wasn't a long time, baby. I love it. It was not a long time ago. I love it. But yeah, Reno, it's greasy.

Everybody there, they acknowledge it's greasy, and they love it for it. Yeah, yeah, they do. Like, I was drunk eating a burger called the Awful Awful. I've had the Awful Awful. The Awful Awful. Yeah. Just because of that, I'd pick Reno.

The Awful Awful. Doesn't it have peanut butter in it? It has a bunch of shit in it. Yeah. I've had the Awful Awful. It's like, yeah. Jen Allen, my college girlfriend and still one of my dear friends, is from Reno or just outside of Reno. Yeah. And the Aw uh reno or just outside of reno

uh yeah and the the awful awful is right outside of unlv right or yeah you're not you another un reno university of nevada yeah yeah dude it's a fucking that burger is nuts yeah that place is like it's like it's like this it's like going to the 70s yeah it does feel like that yeah like you're near tahoe. Tahoe. You're near Tahoe. Tahoe's dope. You're near this place called Virginia City

which is one of those locked in history or locked in time cities because it was like a big silver mining. So there's just this old west city up in the hills

which is like really fun. You like walk around and you get drunk in one of those in the bucket of blood. Like an abandoned city type of thing? Yeah.

But they've like populated it with people like with historical reenactors and stuff. But you can go to the bucket of blood saloon, which has been around since the 1800s, and, like, have a drink. See, that's what I'm about. Yeah. I'm about crappy old stuff. Like, that's why, yeah, Reno is, like, never going to change. Like, Vegas is too flashy for me. Vegas is doing, you know, I'll have fun in Vegas, but Vegas is like, when you think of,

when you think of what Vegas meant to America, that's Reno. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like Reno's the dream. There's no Cirque de Soleil shows there. And if they are, it's a weird budget Cirque de Soleil. It's based on Shrek.

It's Shrek de Soleil. It's Shrek de Soleil. Yeah. That's what you would get in Reno. It would be like. That's what I want. Like. Yeah. I'm a man of the Reno. And it would be like. That's what I want. Like. Yeah.

I'm a man of the people. Like, I go to Vegas. I want to stay at Circus Circus. Yes. You know what I mean? Because they let me drink beers on the floor there from a case. Me and Funches did a show in Reno once. Way back in the day.

How was it? It was fantastic. Just you two? Yeah. Well, us and Jen and like two locals. Oh, that's right. Yeah. One of the locals, Matt Wiegand. Yeah. I, us and Jen and like two locals. Oh, that's right. Yeah. One of the locals, Matt Wiegand.

Yeah. I think I know that name. I remember because he, I went back, because I've been to Reno a few times. Yeah. And he was like the go-to guy. And I remember him telling me, he was like, yeah. One time, he was like, one time out of nowhere, Funches and Ian Carmel came here. Yeah.

And I got to open for him. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. It was Matt Wiegand. At a bowling alley. Yes. Yeah. And he was so stoked about it. And the show was great, him. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it was Matt Wiegand. At a bowling alley. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, and he was so stoked about it.

And the show was great, though. He was like, yeah, it's... No, the people are cool. They're cool people. And they all get it. Like, sometimes you go to some places and you're like, that's kind of weird in here, right? Yeah, yeah.

Fuck you. We'll carry you. Boston's the best. Right. But like in Reno, they're just like, yeah, man, it's like gross here. It's gross. We love it. Yeah, we're having a great time.

I wore shorts to court. Yeah. Hawaiian shorts. Look at me. I beat the game. Fuck, Reno. I'm convinced, man. Reno is, it's a grimy time.

It's a good grimy time. We got nothing to do. We can just drive to Reno after this. We could go to Reno. Dude, it only takes like five hours. It's close. Yeah, it's not far. All right.

Well, that excellent first pick of the second round went back to back with San Francisco and Reno, Nevada. West Coast is the best coast. I'm putting Reno on the West Coast. It is. Yeah, technically. Now I'm going to keep it West Coast and redeem my first pick. I had to get New Orleans because I was afraid it was going to fall off the board. You don't need to redeem.

That's a fantastic pick. It's a good pick. But I have to redeem myself to my home city, my people, the people of Portland, Oregon. Because that's where I'm going with my second pick. I feel. Now, what's your Portland weekend? That's what I want to hear. Well, it's a quiet dinner with mom.

No. And then a loud dinner with dad. And then a loud dinner with dad. Because he's a loud motherfucker. My Portland weekend starts the second I get on the plane in L.A. Okay. The second I start on the plane. I will, because it's a close flight, so I will sometime spring for the first class,

and I will make that money back. I get it. I will make that money back on double scotches. Uh-huh. Just on the flight up. I mean, if you're going to drink four drinks, three, four drinks, there it is. You're going to kind of make your money back. That would be like 60 bucks.

I never thought about it as an investment. It's an investment. If you're going to a place where you know you're going to hit the ground running, you might as well go first class. Especially on these short, how much more is it on these short flights? Not that much. What is it, like 50, 60 bucks more or something? It ended, from to Portland for the Thanksgiving weekend.

I was just there. It ended up being $60 more for there and back. See, that's all. You got to make that move. How do you not do it? You got to make that move. You know? I've been thinking about next year toying with forced class.

Like, because I get so many free plane tickets. Yeah. I'm like, if the plane ticket's free, I'll pay the $120. If I'm going to New York or something. And get that upgrade. I'll just get the upgrade. I'm not out. You know what I mean?

It's fucking worth it. And let's just have the scotches. Yes. You drink the scotches. I was always taught, because we never flew first class growing up, of course. It always seems so bougie and impossible. And now I'm like, oh, no, that's like a reasonable thing you can spend your money on. I feel like you just don't do it if you have kids.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. Because then it's like, it shoots it up. I get furious when you can spend your money on. I feel like you just don't do it if you have kids. Yeah, right, exactly. Because then it's like it shoots it up. I get furious when I see kids in first class. I'm like, yeah, he's not freaking Scotch. You little piece of shit. You weigh 90 pounds at most. Yo, I could end you.

That seat back there is like a living room. Right, exactly. Just go to the fucking normal seat that's like a giant living room. Kids got a whole Lego village set up in a seat in first class. Yeah, shut up. Not even appreciating it. Legs don't even hit the ground like what the fuck you barely drinking you know so it starts there and then you like and then you

get off the plane and my mom god bless her heart will will not let me not get picked up from the airport oh that's beautiful i love it i love it nothing feels like home to me like being like uh a little buzzed and like standing in the cold air outside of the portland airport cold thanksgiving air and seeing that red uh honda crv show up with sue carmel in it always got like a bottle of sparkling water and a snack for me she does not stop being a mom but uh and then we'll and then she'll either just drop me off at the hotel if it's late or we'll go grab a bite uh let's say in this in this one we don't go grab a bite. Sure.

I'll meet up with friends. Like for the birthday weekend. We got up to Portland. Yeah, that's the perfect weekend. That same night. I had my birthday weekend up there. Sean came up and got off the plane. We went to this place called Kochka, which is a Russian restaurant.

Dog. And we were just – I got the – we got the fixed menu. So they were bringing in all this weird-ass Russian food. They eat weird shit. They eat weird shit like cold herring and just like – But like it's like cool shit to eat while you're drinking. That's exactly what it is. So we were just pounding vodka flights.

How many shots of vodka did we do? I bet we had like 15 or 16 shots of vodka in like an hour and a half because Ian kept getting flights. So they'd bring four different shots of vodka for each of us at a time and we got like five of those. They were slightly smaller, but I bet it ended up being about 12 shots per person. It was bananas, dude. Yeah. But you're eating, so you're like – Eating, just having a great time, putting it away.

And then, I mean, the food is so good. And anything you want to do – anything I want to do anyway, Portland has some of the best stuff. Definitely. They have amazing restaurants. They have amazing, like, good restaurants. Like, you can go to Ava Jean's. You can go to, like, Paley's Place. You know, there's, like, amazing good restaurants that you can go to if you want to have, like, a classy dinner.

There's also amazing shitty good restaurants. You know what I mean? Like, shitty is not even the right word. You can go to Bunk Sandwiches and they will make you a fucking Cubano that's like the best sandwich you've ever had in your life. Yeah.

You go to Fire on the Mountain, get some chicken wings. The best chicken wings. Yes, you can. The best chicken wings. Are they wood smoked? Dude, I don't know what they do.

I do not think so. I don't like smoked chicken wings. No, they're not smoked. They're like, it's a traditional fried wing. I'm telling you, dog. I wish that you guys could see Jordan's face on it. Fire on the Mountain holds such a special place in my heart

because Ian and Shane and Jen lived like five blocks from there. So we went there on the crazy regular. That's how we would start if we knew we were going to have a real fun night. We always started with, let's go to Fire in the Mountain. Get some wings. Yeah, let's start this day on the right and left foot. They got these fried pickles there that are so good.

They're so fucking good. And the wings. We'll go next time we're all in Portland. Yeah, sure. I want to go to Portland soon. And it's just fucking, it's the best. Like, restaurant-wise, they got you. Bars, they have great fucking bars. Great, like, actual dive bars still.

That's how I feel about it. And their food is good. All the food is good in the bars. All the bar food I've ever gotten in Portland has been fantastic. Because in Oregon, you have to serve food if you sell alcohol. Is that the deal? So everybody's selling food. And it's so cheap. Yeah.

Is it like a competing thing? Like they're all competing? Is that what? Or is it just... The drinks... That's just what they cost up there. Like I went to Holman's, which is one of my favorite bars. Yeah. For no reason, it's memories. It's like a dive bar, but it's a great dive bar. I bought the table. I bought us

food and drinks for the whole table they brought the bill out 78 dollars we eat everyone had a couple drinks and we got two baskets of wings yeah and like two other sides i was like what the fuck just happened how is this only 78 dollars dude and like so less than a parking ticket less than a parking ticket which i won't pass it fuck la fuck whoever's giving me parking tickets in l.a i won't pay tell it tell it i'll come get it unpark it yeah uh it's it's god you just have you can have like a crate i had like just yeah the only i'm not a big strip club guy yeah portland has the only strip clubs that i've ever been to yeah where most of the girls dancing don't look like they're having a horrible time.

They're enjoying it. That's one of the big reasons I don't really like going to strip clubs because I don't – if I'm looking at a girl and she doesn't look like she's enjoying it, like aware of the situation. Like, yes, this is fun. I realize I'm naked, but I'm having fun. And in Portland, it's like a fun vibe it's sassy it's a it's a bar that like happens to have like playing dr dray super fun bar that happens to have strippers at it nobody just looks at you and wants to kick the shit out of you immediately it's just like yeah come on in let's chill it's it's it's the fucking the strip clubs if you like strip clubs it's got the best strip clubs hands down uh it does it does now

that you're playing it up it does i'm trying to think i have a lot of fun like this last time i went to portland yeah it's like one of the funnest weekends i've ever had dude if you're the if you're there with like a little crew it's it's the best because you you know the one drawback it does start like it shuts down at 2 30 but you can i mean you can keep going like a house you can be cashed by 2 30 yeah i'm usually ready to stop by 2 30 yeah if you if especially if you start at like 10 yeah that's four hours four and a half hours of solid going hard it's got great karaoke spots it's walkable like there's all the different pockets it's fun you can just go walkable go to a pocket you can go to belmont you know it's like a four block little area your night can be on belmont we can we can hop we can hop around we can get slices yes we can we can go play arcade games yes at the movie theater if we want to

hammered nobody cares because nobody's mean nobody's going in there raising a ruckus you're just like i'm a little drunk i want to play some nickel nickel arcade yeah and then leave oh that's pretty that's right on belmont you can do it when there's somebody being a dick in portland you know they haven't lived there long yeah yeah and everyone's one guy i'll be like hey stop what's that bar what's the bar where i got into the beef with that dude a couple times high dive high dive the high dive which i fucking love is a bar but there's this dude this one dude who i've like who's there there every, almost every time I go. It is hilarious. Who like I,

we rolled in with thick crew. I think it was after maybe shows. I think it was when I headlined it. Helium. Yeah. We had like 10 of us. Yeah. So we had like,

we had like a big crew. We rolled in there. Uh, and like he was, this dude was sitting alone at an outdoor table alone. And I was like, Hey, he had a dude with him oh yeah

like one dude with him it was two dudes two people at like a 13 14 the big party table yeah and i went up and i was like hey man uh like would you mind switching seats with switching seats with us as gregarious as i can be you know i'm like okay i'll get you a drink you know if you just like he's like well i have a couple more friends coming. I'm like, okay, well, four of you could sit over there because there's like 12, 13 of us. There's 12 of us doing it. Yeah. We're all over there right now. And he just wouldn't do it.

It was this guy with a fucking curly hair ponytail. I don't fuck with curly-headed bastards. I don't fuck with curly hair ponytail-having motherfuckers. What are you doing? It's just ringlets back there. Right? I don't like it. I don't trust you.

One bit. Completely untrustworthy. What are you hiding back there? What crimelets back there. Right? I don't like it. I don't trust you. One bit. Completely untrustworthy. What are you hiding back there? What crime did you commit when you had short hair? A bad attitude. That's what he's hiding back there. He was hiding a bad attitude back there. Yeah, what bank did you rob in Salem?

The off switch for the nice guy button was there. He was like a prick and it almost like I couldn't let it go after that point. And I started talking to him. I'm like, where are you from? And he had just moved there. I'm like, of course you just fucking moved here. Here's the thing about you're at home. You're deep with your friends.

I understand you start getting real rowdy, start getting real territorial. Territorial, exactly. This is me. I'm in this bitch. I was. I was like, I helped create this fucking thing. I was like, I'm way too high of a level. I built this shit.

I'm part of the culture here. Go pick up that newspaper. Go pick up that newspaper. Whose name's in it? Yours? It's not in there. It's mine. Get out of the booth.

Everything is everything video. The city's moving and you're walking, standing still. Yeah, exactly. You're walking so hard that you're moving the street. They scratched me. You didn't fall down. Yeah. I didn't fall down yeah i didn't fall down didn't fall down standing right here dog get the fuck up i've been hammered at every one of those food carts next to here yeah we did so have you puked in that alley sir have you i've puked and i've had sex in it in the same spot same time yeah how about that we ended up dipping out and this dude would not let it go

and i'm by by that point i'm like we're leaving i'm telling i was like just chill out man and uh he's like fuck and he was he kept talking shit to you and i was like you want me to go grab him like is that is that what you want to happen do you yeah i mean do you really look because we're leaving yeah we were leaving we're going to a show and it's like he just kept john and dude wasn't gonna to do it. I mean, not that it was going to come to that. But it was just like, be quiet, man. Stop.

Like, none of us are trying to go down that road. Fucking blew it. And he was. And I still love Portland. Yeah. It's got to happen. It's just the best. But it is.

It's a city with a soul, even as prices are going up there. Like, there's been cities i've gone to where i wasn't able to find the center of it and i know where the center of dallas of seattle i feel like that man i'm from washington yeah i feel like that about seattle there's no like there's no like a yeah there's not like a community no like where do i go to definitely have fun and kick it like it's hard to tap into and see people lie and they say cap hill and you go to cap hill and you're like but okay so where yeah where am i going home oh you know just figure it out you're like no duck i couldn't find it portland the bar moving to portland from sioux falls with immediate

the second i got into the city i was like i love it here i loved we went to papino's yeah we went to that mcmenamans in northwest those are the first two things i did the next night we went to baghdad and watched inglorious bastards i had a beer while i watched a movie i was like you can fucking have beers when you watch movies kids it was sick and i fell in love instantly it's an amazing it's an amazing and if you want during the day you can go find some nature because it's like this it's important like an ewok village in the middle of these trees that's key for a weekend for me for like uh you have to have something to do during the day yeah to make you because i you know getting getting all tore down is a huge part of my if i'm going to a city for a weekend yeah so if there's something to do during the day be it like a skate park or just walk or just like a

hike something where i'm like you gotta do something i got out in the nighttime yeah yeah exactly i walked to the i was there uh this last weekend and i got hammered the night before so the next i just walked to the Blazer game. Sure. Perfect. Which is a thing you can do. I was just staying at the Ace Hotel downtown, and I was like, I'm going to walk, and it took 20 minutes. It was so close.

And the bridges. Maybe half an hour. Walking across any one of those bridges is so beautiful. Dude. Like you can, Hawthorne, Morrison, any one of those bridges, Burnside, you walk across it, and you're like, this is, right in the middle of the bridge every time i go back i'm just like this this is dope yeah it's just you can see you can see mount hood most of the time you can see mount st helens most of the time and it's fantastic r.i.p the white owl social club being cool dog yeah that place is not cool anymore man sucks now they had a patio the size of a goddamn football field and nobody was was ever there. We would just go take it over. And that was all after our shows.

It would fill up at night. Yeah, we don't meet there. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it was dope. Now it's like pounding club music every night. It happens. It's how things go.

Yeah, that's what they do. Sometimes I've noticed if a place has a lot of space, it's only a minute until they're trying to train. At least I get to DJ from time to time, which is nice. I get to stretch my legs. DJ BJ. I get to go on the ones and twos. Yeah, dude. DJ for the whole house.

DJ BJ, know what it is. I just remember rolling into town one night, and, like, all of a sudden there was a line. And I was like, what? A line. Yeah. It sucks when a place you like gets popping. Yeah.

Because there's, like, that, like, it's like breaking up with somebody. Like, you have to, like, let it go. Yeah. Like, at first you try to force it, and it's, like, the place you love like it's like breaking up with somebody like you have to like let it go yeah like at first you try to force it and it's like the place you love it's popping but you still go in there and you're really like you know this is where the fuck have you been i've been here and then after a while you're just like all right i'm not doing this is not my beautiful wife yeah yeah how did i get here it's just man i fucking love portland shout out to the real of the tavern

shout out to holman shout out to the Real Women Tavern. Shout out to Holman's. Shout out to The Standard. Shout out to that taco place across the street from The Standard. The Standard. They will come outside if it's past 10 o'clock and they'll tell you, like, you got to keep it down. Because there's a house attached to it. You can still go crazy inside. You can still go wild. Yeah.

They can hear me inside screaming. I guarantee they can. Kicking the pinball machine that's attached to their living room wall. Just some good nights. Good nights with this man making the next pick, Sean Jordan. It's time for your second pick. It is. And I'm going to go with Minneapolis, Minnesota. Aha.

That's a good pick. It is. Because it's always been my favorite city. In general, it's always been where I wanted to live. I wanted to move there. But we used to go up for weekends constantly. How far is it from Sioux Falls? Like three and a half hours.

And it's just far enough where you're like, I went on a big trip. Like this is, you know, I'm 16. The older you get, you turn a new adult. You're like, let's go to Minneapolis, get a hotel room for the night. Or a couple and just fucking handle it. And it was like the first big downtown that we ever went to. And I was like, you can just go down. That downtown actually has stuff going on.

Like a lot of cities, you go downtown and it like it'll shut down at 10 o'clock or midnight or something. Minneapolis is cracking. Downtown isn't cracking. Like when you're a kid, you think downtown is super, but it's not. Downtown ain't shit. Most places, it's not. Even in Portland. I mean, it's starting to pick up a little bit now, but like.

I was thinking about that when you guys were talking. I've never been to downtown Portland. Southeast is where it's at for the most part. Yeah. You can like, there's the Pearl District is Chinatown, but it's like shitty woo girls and dudes who want to fight you. Downtown, so you can go to Minneapolis, you drive up, and the suburbs are super, like, they have, like, Emma Crumbies.

You can go get, like, an amazing piece of cherry pie at this like little mom and shop place. I didn't know that it was a pie place. It makes complete sense. Emma Crumbies. You do that? It said crumb in it. Yeah. Also the teacher at Hogwarts.

They have like the Jolly Green Giant. There's a silo that's painted like a big Dr. Pepper can. And that's like all the – like right on the burbs. You check into your room and then you can go get a Juicy Lucy, which is you can go get both. One of the originals. You ain't got to tell me what that is, dude. I fucking love that. I've heard about the Juicy Lucy.

Yes. So they have – there's two places that say they made it up, and you can just go ahead and go to both. Yes. Because they're like maybe a mile or two apart. So you just go get two. They're not gigantic. Like one of the – the place that says they have the original Juicy Lucy, well, one of them, they don't use any bells and whistles.

They give you like paper plates. Yeah. And they're like, we spend all of our money on the burger. And you're like, I'm into that. I respect that. I'm super into that. So you can go get a Juicy Lucy. And for me personally, if a weekend involved like a hip hop show, maybe I got to see Atmosphere.

Wait, you have to explain what the Juicy Lucy is. Oh, it's two burgers with cheese melted inside. So you take a patty, put a brick of cheese on it, put another patty on top, and then grill it. Squish those patties together. And then the cheese liquefies. It's inside. It's trapped inside. Yeah, it's trapped inside.

Yeah, you pinch the patties around the block of cheese. And it is... Dude, when you bite into a Juicy Lucy... That's crazy. Because you don't believe it. When you get it, you're like, there's no cheese in here. And then you bite into it,

and you're like, there's cheese in here, dude. Damn. Damn. It's so good. Yep. It is fantastic. There's bunny rabbits running around. That blew me away.

He was losing his mind. There's rabbits everywhere? Yeah. I've never been to a rabbit. Just the way most people have squirrels or pigeons. Yeah, there's bunny rabbits. I'm so used to that. but when Ian and I were there, he freaked when he saw a bunny rabbit.

I'm like, you're going to see like 30 of those, dude. I mean, you do. They're everywhere. They fuck like rabbits. You can go to the Fifth Element, which is Atmosphere's record store. And this is like a specific sort of weekend but like for me this is the weekend you go you go into the fifth element and you just look around

maybe you see like a slug in there like a famous rapper and you're just like holy shit slug just hangs oh yeah minneapolis yeah you can go to first ave it's fantastic right downtown so much history at first you can just walk them by looking at the wall. You can look at Prince's house. My mom made us do that one time. She thought we were going to get into Prince's house. And Minneapolis, to go back, has the Mall of America. So right there.

Yes, it does. That is, for me, the last time I was there, I was just there like three weeks ago or four weeks ago. And I took the train from downtown, which is another key point for a nice weekend is easy public transit. You can just take the train to the Burbs real quick. I met my mom for lunch at the Mall of America because she was in Minneapolis. And you waited at the food court? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Dude, the food court.

The biggest, buckest food court. Walked all around the mall. Went back. Acme, my favorite comedy club in the world. Great comedy club. All of this is in Minneapolis. You can throw wild hair in there. Go to the Gay 90s if you want to get bucked.

What's the Gay 90s? It's just like a gay dance club. It's fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fantastic. You could pay $15 at Deja Vu to get a coke and a hug. Go see some women that can only take their top off. Oh, word, word, word. Okay. You can walk across the bridge, go over to Dinky Town where all the college

kids are kicking it and have a little night. We went over there. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like six or seven blocks where it's just off the rack college parties. We got hammered at a VFW while we were there. We did. Yeah.

Which is another. You can just pick and choose what you want to do and then you can go get into it. And it's a blast. And it's still got that Midwest vibe where everyone's pretty nice, pretty calm, pretty chill. But it's a big city. Girls have ridiculous accents. Oh, the Minnesota? Nothing better than seeing a super attractive woman where she's like, oh my God, you're

from LA? And you're like, well, you know, I live in LA now. Yeah, yeah. That's how you got to play it. That's how you got to play it. I mean, LA begged me, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I think, too.

I'm always like, I really love San Francisco. But after a while, you just... You know, you can only take so many people down. They make you go down. They make you move. They make you move. The mayor of San Francisco said, David, we love you, but we need you now more than ever to go make it big.

Yeah, you're too big for this town, dude. You need to be down here. They're like, oh my god, what's that like? And you remind them, you're like, I want it to be here, but it's wrong. Oh my god. And when they're drunk the accent gets so much stronger dude it's go to a jordan family crispy like whenever i go back i'm like maybe they don't have accents and everybody drinks that bottle of schnapps that uncle tim

brings and oh yeah like midnight everyone's calling each other out for cheating on car go you can't see it you didn't have that i saw you pull it from the bottom of the deck, though. Shit. Where the fuck did that come from? That's a good accent. I like that accent. That's a friendly accent. It's a calming accent. It's funny watching dudes get heated with that.

I like the Midwest accent. Yeah. Yeah? Well, you know what the Midwest is. Young and restless, dude. Yeah. Now, let's see. You've stayed in the Midwest so far Screwfall South Dakota

I'm trying to work my way out and MPLS home of the original home of the Lakers Romsayers so many good things Third Layer Skate Park you can go skating

it's where they film mall rats. You can go see. There's a lot of fun, weird, cool stuff that you can see. I love it. I love Minneapolis. I've only been there once, and I had such a great time. It's fantastic. Got to go back soon.

Yeah, it's just a great weekend. I've never heard anybody say anything bad about it. No, that's the thing. Lake Calhoun, you can go. They have three gigantic lakes in the city. During the day, if you want, you can walk around a whole lake right there in the city. There's three huge lakes in the city. It's great.

It's close. It's fantastic. Have you been to any shows at First Avenue? Yeah. I went to the Rhyme Staters 10th Anniversary Show when I should not. So this girl, the girl that broke my heart, the reason I don't live in Minneapolis, she bought us tickets. Before she broke my heart, she bought us tickets to go to the show.

Then, you know, some activities went down that I wasn't fond of. Still went to the show. With her? With her and like a crew. So we checked. We're all staying in the same. It was such a fucking bad idea. We're all staying in the same hotel.

Oh, yeah. So we checked in. My heart already hurts. Dude, we check in and I go, Kirshman, my friend Mike, I go, let's go. It's like six. I go, let's go get, let's just go blackout. So before the show even started, I don't, you know, I'm blacked out. We go in.

I pass out on the stairs inside First Ave before the show starts. So somebody comes, they're like, you got to, you got to get out of here. Yeah. So I went and slept on the curb out in front of first avenue for like an hour they let me back in i don't know why they did probably because i was being pretty chill about the whole thing and i was like listen i understand so let me back in by then i was sober watched the whole show it was great and then got super drunk again and then gotten a huge but yeah i've been to first have a few times What have you been to? What have you been to? I've been That's not going to happen to anyone else at First Ave

So go to Minneapolis Yeah, absolutely Have a weekend That's a good point That's not going to happen to you Alright, so we just went to Minneapolis Where are we going to go with your third pick, Sean Jordan? The first pick of the third round

Right? Is that? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah No, because Wait Oh, and then we Because it doubles down

So it goes Serpentine It goes boom, boom. But, like, you double down on the ends. Yeah. What order did we go on? So you were first, and then Ian was second, and I was third. Yeah.

Oh, okay. And then I went again, and then Ian went again. All right. I wasn't ready for it. There it is. The serpentine draft. Now, this... This come around is where I'm worried about getting something sniped.

This is an obvious choice, but it's just... I had never really been there until a couple weeks ago. Oh, yes. But we got to go to Las Vegas. And obviously, it's an amazing place for a weekend. Con-y-egg-us. We went and had the weekend.

And I had never really been to Las Vegas on that tip. We always used to go to skate. We went. We drove there from LA, which la which again is like a quaint drive you feel like four hours like five with traffic something like that yeah but we check i do realize that you need you need some of that fucking some of that cheddar cheese oh you gotta have a fun weekend it's an expensive city petty town it's an expensive city it was it was my birthday and the host of of uh this particular show was very kind to me on my birthday.

So we had a weekend. And if you got a little, like, you check in. Man, the way you guys are both, like, looking at each other knowingly. It's fun. It's like you went to war together. I didn't know that you can bring in liquor and beer everywhere. Everywhere. There were people in the Walgreens with open beers.

In the Walgreens. open beers in the walgreens yeah everywhere i mean it was bananas and you can like people were smoking everywhere not that that's like attractive but you were you were bedlam our buddy nick man pay shout out to nick man pay had to convince you to go smoke in the hallway i couldn't believe it he was like just smoking here but you can go smoke right outside in the hallway. And you were like, no, I can't. He made me. Yeah. And I felt horrible.

Because it's an hour and a half to get outside from anywhere in a casino. That's what I noticed about it. It's so hard to just go outside. It's so hard. Like, they set it up like that. Normally, you don't even want to go outside. But the whole thing is an event. Like, walking through the hotel every time I would get lost, I'm like, this is such a trip.

What hotel was it? Caesars Palace. Caesars Palace. Shit, yeah, man. So you guys were like in it. In it. We're doing the damn thing. In Las Vegas.

In it. Connected to Bellagio. It's just such a crazy weekend. What's across the street? Is it Plano? There's like a great, I don't know. But yeah, that shit is like. We walked.

You almost don't even need to leave a hotel to get to like six different hotels. We walked and got breakfast at New York, New York, and we were on the street for maybe a block. The rest of it was just inside catacombs. And it's fun. It's like a giant adult Disneyland where you just get hammered. It's amazing. I cannot fathom going there for more than three days. I cannot wrap my mind around it.

That's the amount of time you can go for. I went for four this year over my birthday, and it was like too much. Four is a lot. And if you live there, obviously you're never going down to the Strip. I'm sure that if you live there, that's the worst idea in the world. Like living here and someone being like, hey, let's go to Santa Monica real quick. Right. You're like, I do not want to go to fuckinganta monica yeah yeah yeah drunk assholes yeah it was crazy and then you throw you put that you put that kanye cherry on top and that was just you guys saw yeezy and one of the best weekends of my entire how great was

it it was the best who else was on the show nobody it easy. It was the – Who was on the platform with the Laser Light Show? The perfect show for a grown-up to go to. Yeah. No opener, no encore, just like an hour and a half of hits, and you're like, that's all I wanted. That's perfect. I was on Molly, and I had a Chibichu, and I was hammered. It was so much fun. You didn't go quite that hard.

I couldn't do the Molly. That feels good just thinking about it. Yeah. It was, man, and everybody – It's like going to church. It was like going to church. It was like going to church. I was like, because you were around all these other Kanye fans. There was a mosh pit, but it was the nicest mosh pit I've ever been in.

Why was it? Because nobody wanted to fuck their shoes up. Everybody was concerned about their kicks. It is so true. Everyone had like 300 or better on their feet. Oh, man, you bought these fives. I'm not going to fuck up my great fives. You have a good time.

So nobody was being mean or anything and people were like that's like there was so much i've never seen more t-shirt fashion in my life yeah where people were like that is a dope t-shirt normally it's like something other than a t-shirt that's yeah yeah yeah this is all long joggers yeah fun conversation in the bathroom line none of that weird was just like fun like yeah dude i heard i heard kim kardashian's here we're like yeah i bet probably yeah that same night so we we hung out in the hotel room and had drinks in the hotel room and then went and put money down on uh on uh i put money on the blazers yeah it's good here you

go vegas is good if you're not if you're not like is good if you're not, like, broken. Like, if you're not addicted, I guess, to stuff. Yeah, that's how I feel. If you're going to go drop all your money gambling or, like, betting or drinking, it would suck. But, like, if you can chill in the room. Like, we chilled in the room for a long, a lot of the time. We were in the room, and it was a blast. Well, because the room, that's what I like about Vegas, too, is, like, chilling in the room is its own event.

It's its own event? Because the room is so sick. Yeah because the room that's what i like about vegas too is like chilling in the room is its own event it's its own because the room is so sick yeah the rooms are like yeah you're just scar facing it in the room sometimes dude we had we like went to walgreens and bought a bunch of booze and just hung out in the room and like had basketball in the background and we're like listening to music just drinking and like not even just pre-gaming gaming no gaming the game was expensive for like a good room no especially if you're off season it's like pretty cheap dude it was amazing and then we went to the kanye concert you this was our second night so you had to you'd call it a night but some of us i mean it was crazy that you guys didn't because you guys were going harder in the paint than i

was yeah so it's like yeah like two in the morning or. We get back to the room and I'm like, I cannot stand up. But we're going out. And we're like, we're going out. Future was doing a show. You guys went and saw Future after Kanye? We went to the Kanye concert. We heard about Future doing a show. We got to where Future was doing a show.

We could hear Future. But we asked the guy, I was like, what would it cost to get up there? He's like, there's only like 15 minutes left of the show. And we were like, what would it cost? He's like, 80 bucks a person. And we were like, no. Not for 15 minutes left of the show. And we were like, what would it cost? He's like 80 bucks a person. And we were like, no. Not for 15 minutes.

Not for 15 minutes of future. He already did fuck up some comments. Exactly. So there's no, yeah, I wasn't about to fuck up some comments to go see. Yeah. The thing about Vegas is I feel like,

cause we're, we're mapping out a pretty gnarly weekend. Yeah. But that happens a lot. Like that's what you go for. That kind of stuff happens frequently. It's not not even like you need a vacation from vegas yeah 100 that's how i felt like i went there but it was like working it was partying but it was like yeah oh working you know what i mean like you were really putting a lot of energy into like we got back and i was

so i just like yeah i'm gonna i'm just gonna tune out for like a whole day yeah you gotta like yeah you gotta you gotta take time off. Dude, that first night was wild. That was the night I – because if you do have a little money, you can get away with anything. I didn't want to – we got hammered the first night. And just in the room again, like we went out and walked around a little bit, but we were just hanging out in the room. We ended up going to this very expensive steak restaurant. And like I ordered – we ordered a bottle of wine and appet appetizers they should not have sold us that bottle of wine and uh a bottle of wine got was i mean i don't even

think we drank it like water we drank it like air yeah it's just going into the body and uh and like they brought the appetizers and i just used their big leather menu as a plate. And they ate like a meatball off of a big leather menu. Yo, that is the coolest thing I've ever seen. Yo, because just like if I had just seen you from across the restaurant, I would have been like, this dude is wild right now. By the way, we all walked in with Miller Lights. Yeah. To like the nicest restaurant in Caesars Palace. Oh, my God.

And they didn't give a shit. Yeah, as long as the check clears, dude. They would have thought it was weird if we didn't have Miller Lights from the looks they were giving us. I think that's the coolest part about Vegas is it's like the great equalizer. Yeah. Because broke people go there to spend money. Yes, they do. They don't give a shit what you look like.

Yeah. They're just like, yeah, you got cash, come in. You can't tell who's got money and who doesn't exactly everybody's ready to spend money you make everybody's dressed real sharp and like everybody's spending money it's great i made friends just for a second but we made friends with this dude who was like there to see fish who's from philly i was just like a fucking philly guy and we like became friends just for a second we changed numbers never saw him again yeah uh because it's vegas you get to see people like in their – because you will see the person in a NASCAR shirt with cargo shorts. But you also get to see people of all economic backgrounds from all over America in their party clothes.

Yes. That is a good point. Everybody's dressed as cool as they can be. We saw the hottest, hottest girl on our way to breakfast. Yeah, and she was finishing her night. It was like 9.30 in the morning. You could tell she was just still like, all right, I'm getting back to the room.

She propositioned us sexually. Wait, what? She did. She was like, what's going on? We're like, oh, we're just heading to breakfast. We had a pretty hard night. She's like, oh, yeah? We should go back up to your room. It was, you know, where's going on? We're like, oh, we're just heading to breakfast. We had a pretty hard night. She's like, oh, yeah?

We should go back up to your room. Where's your room at kind of stuff. And we're like, nah. No, no, no, no, no, no. She was that gnarly? She was that ready to go. Man. I mean, well, come on. Look at us.

What do you expect? A couple of guys. A couple of you guys. 9.30 in the morning? Eating breakfast and shit? Eating breakfast? What girl doesn't like a guy that eats breakfast? Dude, mesh shorts?

You think I didn't have mashed shorts on? Get out of town. Nam Pei went even harder, though, dude. We got back to the room the first night. I passed out on the bed. Nam Pei went back out to gamble. Fucking name it. There's always that guy in the Vegas crew who goes back out to gamble when everything shuts down.

That's Nam Pei, dude. There's always one dude who you're like, oh, shit, well, I'm going back down. And he was rip-roaring the next day, too. He was pretty up. Took me until like 4 o'clock to wake up. shit well i'm going and he was rip roaring the next day too like he was pretty up took me till like four o'clock to wake up i think vegas is like you know how you hear about people going to jail and they just become a different person in jail yeah like that dude was a crackhead on the street now he's just like running shit in jail yeah that's like how vegas is yes like your friend's

like a square and then you get to vegas and then he's just a monster and he busts loose yeah it's crazy and he's going harder than everybody and then he goes back home and you're like but i saw you yeah i saw the real yeah yeah he's like i got kids dog yeah i can't let that stay in vegas yeah in my head now too you were shining so bright on the strip it is nuts it is nuts when you look when you see guys and you're just or or girl just people you see guys and you're just – or girls, just people. You see somebody and you're like, there's a chance you're going to cheat on someone. Oh, people are getting – it's sin, sin. It is so gnarly and that's why I'm excited that that has never – I could – I can't imagine a world where I got a prostate. I'm past that.

Yeah. It would be the most – In Vegas, no. Everybody seems so like – I could never, ever do it. I went to Vegas the first time as an adult with money. Chelsea, when I worked for Chelsea lately, Chelsea was doing the Cosmo. And like a bunch of us from the show went out there.

And like including like Diablo Cody. You were partying with Diablo Cody? Me, Chelsea Handler, some of the other writers, Diablo Cody was kicking it. What a strange crew. That's the first time I ever did Molly. It was like, it was rich person Molly. So I was just like, what? You know?

Rich people drugs, you don't realize. It's better. Because there's like levels to rich people drugs. Yeah. Like there's the low level where rich guys are getting screwed. Yeah. Right? And we've all seen that.

Of course. Rich guy doesn't know how to buy drugs. Sure. But then there's like super rich people. This was rich people like and that's like a crazy like i parted with this dude naspin and he had like french acid yeah and it was crazy dude rich people drugs it's a fucking different level like it's just like it's all clean and like exactly what the drug is supposed to do exactly it's not's not cut with anything weird. Yeah. So I did that. We went to, like, see, we went, she got, like, a bottle service in a booth

at, like, Steve Aoki or whatever. Oh, God. And, like, I'm not into that kind of music, but I was rolling on Molly, you know? I had, like, a dum-dum in my mouth, and I was on a real good one. I had been drinking tequila. And, like, there was this amazing music in this light show. Amazing, not even good,

but just amazing. I was like, there are so many people in this room right now who are living this like it's a movie. I got stoked by how stoked they were. Because it is just a little weekend movie for everybody. Yeah, that's what it is. You're in a movie for a weekend.

And everybody's the star. You stock away like two grand you're like this is gonna be going off yeah it's going to spend this it's about to go down it's about to go down and then it fucking goes down and then you go back you get back to like ames iowa or whatever yeah and that was your and that was your how was vegas and you're like it was fine anyway so yeah yeah let's get let's get back to the meeting. Vegas is a legendary city. All right. So Vegas. Vegas. Now it's on to me to take my – it's on me to make my next pick.

And I'm amazed it's still here. I have to go with the Big Apple. New York, New York. New York City. New York City. Jew York City. New York City fighting championships. Are there a lot of Jewish people in New York?

There's some Jews over there. Yeah. Some of my people. I wasn't aware. Yeah, absolutely. I had no idea. Are there like a whole neighborhood or anything? There? There's some Jews over there. Yeah. Some of my people. I didn't know. I wasn't aware. Yeah, absolutely. I had no idea. Are there like a whole neighborhood or anything? There are.

There's several whole neighborhoods. Yeah. You know who I heard is out there is the Puerto Ricans. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Puerto Ricans, dude. Puerto Rico. I mean, New York is almost too big to say anything about, but to go spend like a week

in there. It's crazy. It's crazy. It just, it's anything you want to do is happening in new york all the time new york is another city where you feel really cool yes like if you're not from there and you're just out like doing it yeah out there you're just like yo i can't be stopped it's fucking amazing to go do like a show like a fun you go to like whiplash not whiplash because that's not like a weird weeknight but you go do like a fun show in new york and then like go out after and like i put i was in new york uh and like did a show at the knitting factory

and then just like ended up like hanging out with this group of people like all until like four in the morning just walking around just walking around going to different bars like having a great time it's magic the city is magic and i've only been there for one weekend in my whole life i've only been there for one weekend magical my whole life. I've only been there for one weekend. Magical. Amazing weekend. I've been there like three times and it's always like short bursts like that. Yeah.

It's like a day turnaround or maybe two days. Fucking dope restaurants. Bars that are open until four in the morning. Everywhere dope restaurants. The first time I ever had caviar, New York City. Absolutely. Manhattan. That's the place to do it. Times Square.

Manhattan. Famous people. Not like famous people here like famous people they're just like in it doing it yeah you know just in the city fully integrated not not here where it's like it's so spread out you know yeah it's like it's just there and they're not it's like a walking city so you like find surprises you know that's the you turn around and you just oh my god there's the empire state building i didn't know exactly where it was but there it is yeah yeah that is it is crazy and just like surprising nights you'll like

end up at a bar you never thought you'd go into like i ended up at some like crazy punk bar having like an amazing time i will say the people there are so much cooler than everybody gives them credit for i don't understand why they have that reputation yeah like when i like growing up like the first time i went to new york city which was just, like, two years ago. Yeah. It was for that comedy center. But I went out there and, like, I remember, like, I flew into Newark and I was on the train. I was getting off the train and I was just, like, in my head, I was like, all right, be ready.

You know how it is. I'm fucking walking here. Like, in my head, I was like, you're from Colorado. You ain't scared of shit. You're slapping yourself. Fucking die, bro. Yeah, and then you get up and everybody everybody's the coolest person they're so they're like they'll bust your balls a little

bit yeah but they're all really i would i would rather have that i'd rather have somebody bust my balls a little bit yeah they're a little more direct but like they're cool they're like they want to have a good time yeah they're like i think they're cooler than people like in new york people will just talk to you and i don't think that happens as much here it's like how in europe people are like the french are dicks it's like no british people are dicks like yeah british people are just polite but they're assholes and french are like a little more direct but they like their passionate love life yeah yeah that's what i want i just want like that's how you can tell cool places if you're like in a bar and somebody will talk to you.

Yeah. Yo, nobody will talk to me in LA bars. No. Like if I'm just like in a corner waiting for some friends or something, it's dead. I'll tell you what they'll do. I'm dead on these streets. People will look at you in an LA bar. Yeah.

They'll look at you like you're not supposed to be. Like over the glasses. Yeah. Like what the fuck are you doing here, dog? And then you get like somebody to like validate you or your friends to come and then all of a sudden people are nice to you. But in New York, I'll just be standing around and like I had – New York is one of the only places women have come up and just talked to me. Yes. Women will just talk to you in New York.

I've had two one-night stands in New York. I've had like two ever elsewhere. Yeah. It doesn't happen anywhere else. Yeah. But New York, yeah, women will just be like, hey, what's going on? in new york i've had like two ever elsewhere yeah it doesn't happen anywhere else yeah but new york yeah women will just be like hey what's going on and you're like i don't excuse uh well now i'm sweating that's what's going on better too people like not that i'm not i'm not a shining example of it but like people they fuck it when they leave their apartment they're like dressed

to the nines yeah people look fashion show everywhere you go people look cool there's like beautiful smart women it's diverse like it it's diverse in like the way that atlanta is like diverse like people actually mix together yeah people actually look there's all kinds of people yeah you'll go to a bar with like a bunch of different kinds of people and there are like i mean there's like a chinatown there's a little italy there dude you can fill a day without spending a dollar like if you if you just go to manhattan you're like i just want to i, you're like, I just want to go to Battery Park. I want to see the Statue of Liberty.

Look at the Empire State Building. See Ground Zero. Walk around Central Park. All that shit's free. You just walk around. There's museums that are free there. Maybe you get a hot dog. Yeah.

Or you get one of those $2 slices or whatever. And then you feel dope. You get a hot dog and you're like, I just got a hot dog in New York. Yeah, you eat it standing up somewhere like a real New Yorker. A bundled India stuff, dude. It's so fucking dope. God, I love it. And there's amazing museums, some of the best museums in the world.

So on that day when you're like trying to recover a little bit, you go to like MoMA, you go to the Natural History Museum of the Jugenheim, and you go see like works of art that are so famous. It's like seeing Tom Hanks. You know what I mean? Tom Hanks. It's like, holy shit. It's like seeing Tom Hanks. You know what I mean? Holy shit!

If you want to go see a baseball game, it's the best place to see well, maybe not the best, but like you can go to fucking Madison Square Garden and see the Knicks play. I would love to do that. You can go to see a Yankee game, a Mets game, dude. It's fucking dope. And it's all subways. You can get places. I have a hard time with the subway.

Did you? I do, too. They're fun in a scary way, but still, I get the shake way more than you think. I try to do it by myself, and it's just like, I think I'm all fucked up. I will say, last time I was there, I mostly Ubered. Yeah. It's not that far. It's like...

And just an amazing comedy city, too, so it's fun for that. Yeah, so much history. I took a taxi there because I just wanted to, like... Roll up in a taxi. And all the jokes. I caught a taxi so easy. fun for that. Yeah, so much history. I took a taxi there because I just wanted to like – Roll up in a taxi. And all the jokes. I caught a taxi so easy. Yeah. Yo, it took me like 20 seconds.

Yeah. Like, yeah, I was hanging out with Ramon Rivas and I just put my hand out and then like, boom, a taxi was like, where are you going? Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't crazy. Dude, what's Sense Uber now? Yeah, Sense Uber, they need the fucking – Yeah, yeah, they're just – Yeah, that's true.

Look at what you ordered in Uber now, Kenan. It's just you can have... I mean, you could have three... If you're there for three days, you can have three legendary days. Sure. Three days that are unlike any other you've had in your life. And they can all be different days. Yeah.

I don't think I could live there, though. I don't either. It's too much. Every time I leave, I'm kind of sick and have chapped lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's just like you go so hard. I'm not in the streets like that it's like in new york you're like out there like you leave the place yeah that you're staying

like you're not gonna come back you're not gonna come back you better be ready yeah you gotta be like like like i gotta hit that city with like a backpack you gotta have your shoulder and backpack with soup and a change of clothes in it yeah yeah yeah phone charger dude everything the whole nine yeah man yeah you got it that's that's the hardest part about it for me it's like i don't go that hard yeah like even in san francisco i'd be out in the streets all day but part of that would be like street couch in front of somebody's house it's chill streets yeah it's chill streets it's like new york is like you're out there's no chill streets there's nowhere to sit you can sit where you're going. There's nowhere to pee either. Yeah. You know, I didn't have... I had to

take a Caduce when we were there, and I didn't have a problem at all. Really? I feel like it's not a poopin' town. It's not a poopin' town. When you have to do it, everywhere's a poopin' town. When it needs to go down? I don't know. I'm a big fella, man. I'm not... There's like... I need certain sparrows to shit in a sparrows.

Yeah, I can't. We walked into like what looked to be some pretty classy bar in Manhattan, started watching basketball. And it was like $5 drinks for happy hours. Very cheap and reasonable. Bathroom was very accommodating. I mean, it was just a giant, you know, just probably about as big as this room. Which, if you're listening, is a big room. Big room.

Big room. Yeah, it was very accommodating. It was a good thing. That, I was terrified about that because, you know, the older you get, like you have a night, and the next day you're like, after I eat, I could need a bathroom pretty quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just how that goes. And it was, yeah, it was fine. It was good.

Good city. Good city for a weekend. Good city for a weekend. Good city for a weekend. Now, David Borah, you need to follow up your Reno, Nevada pick with your final pick of the third round. And I'm sorry to wait third for you guys. I'm sorry. But with the third

pick, I made the earth shift. Denver, Colorado. Denver, Colorado. Mile high till I die, baby. It's the best. It's... Denver is like... Because here's the thing about Denverver it's got everything a great city has and on top of it the people are fan fucking tastic sure denver people are such good

people like if you're going out with a group of people in denver that's your crew for the night and then that means they're your best friends for the night the people that you're out with yeah will fight with you you know what i mean like like if something's going means they're your best friends for the night. The people that you're out with will fight with you. You know what I mean? Like if something's going down, they got your fucking back. You're going to sleep at their house. It's just like people gel. And you might need to fight.

Yeah. I think Denver, in my experiences in Denver, it's both sides of the spectrum. There's the fucking best people you've ever met. And then you're running into some assholes too. That's the thing. It's still spicy. spicy it is spicy that's why i like it it's still spicy late night in denver no that's some spicy people there's some like there's some assholes i like it that you can go out and you know you still don't know yeah you still like like sometimes if i go out in la nothing's gonna happen nothing's gonna happen that rules denver i don't know man you gotta keep your w. Nothing's going to happen. That rules. Denver, I don't know, man.

You got to keep your wits about you. Yeah. Because 3 o'clock in the morning, you don't know what's going on. You're on the streets. Like, anything could happen. And I like that, like, that whiff of danger to it. And, like, I think. Makes you feel like you lived a little bit.

Yeah. It's like, that's what it is. That adds to the night. Yeah. People there are, like, living. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? It's a drinking town.

It's a hard drinking town. Kind of like fighting with a smile on their face kind of thing. Yeah, people there are like living. You know what I mean? It's a drinking town. It's a hard drinking town. Kind of like fighting with a smile on their face kind of thing. Like, woohoo! Because it won't be a problem the next day. That's the good thing about it. Nothing carries over. It's a spicy town.

It's a hard drinking town. Hard drinking. Hard, hard drinking town. Hard drinking. Everybody, yeah, you guys were at High Plains this year. I've had a couple weekends in Denver where you're just like, damn, dog. High Plains this year was crazy because it was all on that same street. Yeah, it was all on South Broadway.

And that's like where I would hit first. My dream Denver weekend, a touchdown, somebody picks me up at the airport because it's far away from everything. It's terrifyingly far. But now they have the train. Now they got the train. Oh, they got the train now? The train that goes to Union in Denver. Oh, that makes all the difference.

Oh, it's great. I hated having to ask my friends for rides because it's the only city that you do. You're like, I'm not going to drop $60 on a cab. I'm just not. Yeah, it's too far. Now I take the train and I get that anticipation of going into the city, which is a fun ride. Yeah, it's a fun feeling coming in. And then you get dropped off right downtown.

If you don't have a lot to do right away, you can just, like, I'll just go find a place to get a drink and I'll be like, yeah, you know, if you want to come pick me up, pick me up. Otherwise, I'll just, I'll get an Uber to your house. You'll figure it out. You walk up to 16th Street. Very reasonable from downtown. You check everything out.

I love the, I love, yeah, I love the women there. Just Colorado girls are the coolest. They are cool. They're just, like, cool. And they can all like they all everybody in colorado does shit you know i'm saying like you meet people in la and you're like what do you do and they're like i'm an actor i blog yeah i fucking work out and then you meet somebody in colorado and you're like what do you do and they're like i make craft brew i also like make

my own axes yes for the winter time just like and jams and jellies i make jams and jellies it's a lot of portland that way yeah denver and portland are similar in that way where it's like you go up and ask somebody what they do and their first answer isn't what they do for their money i mean yeah yeah you'll be like what do you do like i'll do oh like i i weld bicycles together yeah yeah some people just fish yeah just everybody's got some shit that they do it's it's beautiful it's like it's just the right mixture of everything i like about a city it was the first major city to go legal weed yeah we were the first ones to go fully legal i got to be that i remember the last high planes i did so like two three years ago or

whatever it was legal there but not really legal anywhere else yet. Yeah. Which was fun. That was like a fun time to be there. Because we hit before. Before Washington even. Me and you did that dab. Yes. You remember that?

Yes. Up in the. We did a dab in this dude's office. Up in the fucking office building. And he was like, just try to hold it in, not blow it out. And I hit it and was just like. Until. He was like, just don't blow it all out in my office.

I was like, yeah, no, totally. Brr! Everywhere. Immediately against his wishes. Shout out to Kayvon. Yeah, shout out to Kayvon. Kayvon was like breaking down his next five-year business plan for us. So we were both already so stoned and a little drunk.

Yeah, he's good, man, good. I thought he was going to change the world. In that that office smoking dabs that night i was like yo this dude's gonna be where was the next governor of colorado yeah yeah yeah cave on school man cave on yeah denver is like it's a very industrious city yeah i like to think the best parts of me are from like just yeah colorado people are everything, everything I like. And the Gronk's guys stayed, so, like, the comedy scene. The comedy scene's still booming. Every other mid-range comedy scene is, like, peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys, you know?

Yeah. But, like, Denver just stayed dope. And they've cranked out a steady line of crushers. Yeah. You rarely meet people from denver who don't live up to the hype yeah you know what i mean like those guys crush uh all the bars are great there used to be like more after hours shit like there used to be the speakeasy called rons that we would go to i went to that one yeah oh yeah like a weird knock and shit like that yeah

but like yeah man denver's just it's a good it's a good everything you want sure they got that weird amusement park right downtown if you want to be like you know i'm going to that oh yeah you're there for a weekend you're like i'm gonna go it's like so close to the mountains if you want to bail to the mountains like yeah denver good food good late night food they got a fire in the mountain in denver they do a fire and a food donuts now yeah oh man yeah they do have a voodoo they got a t uh torches tacos that place in austin they got one in denver oh the burrito place we gotta give a shout out to the uh illegal peeps illegal peeps yeah there's nothing better when you're doing a comedy festival and they're like hey here's a here's a ticket or a couple tickets

for a free burrito you go there and get a custom burrito. Yeah. I mean, bless Comedy Festival's hearts for giving you free food whenever it is. But when you get to go just get your own burrito. Decide what it is. You're like, yeah, I didn't want onions. You get sick of pizza halfway through the weekend. Yes. I mean, you eat it. Physically and mentally sick of it.

Yeah. Like, I love both of these. Denver and Portland, I love these pizzas, but I will never just go to Sizzle Pie now. Right. And I'll never just go to Sizzle Pie now. Right. And I'll never just go to Sexy Pizza again. Whenever you just go to Sizzle Pie, you know that you're on one because you're like, I'm just – I got to go. What am I doing here? I got to go there.

I was there on Saturday night. That's funny. All right, David. So Denver with your third pick and because of the Serpentine Order of the Draft, you also get to make your fourth pick now. Oh, that's right. I didn't think about that. David and I are a couple dummies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We forgot right away. I got to consult this list that I got. Hold on. Because I don't know. I didn't know the order. It gets a little tougher up here. It gets, because there's, oh, yeah, I know. Never mind.

Omaha, Nebraska. Ooh, Chrome-domaha. Chrome-domaha. We're going to bump heads on this one. You don't like Omaha? I have had some rough experiences in Omaha. You sell me. Sell me.

Pitch me. Because here's what I like about it. Let's sit down. I want you to give me an elevator pitch on Omaha real quick. Yeah. I don't like you crossing your legs like that. I crossed them towards you. John just put on a very. Yeah, I don't like you crossing your legs like that. I crossed them towards you. Sean just put on a very...

Yeah, yo. The whole... Your whole body language got... The whole demeanor is different now other than that I'm still smiling. Mad aggressive all of a sudden. Crossfire body language. Your eyes aren't even smiling. Just your mouth is smiling.

That shit didn't travel off. Sean's doing knuckle push-ups. Yeah. I don't know if you guys can tell, but Sean is taking his shirt off. I'm taking that as an act of aggression. Chewing on glass, dude. I've never been to Omaha, so I can't comment. Sell us on Omaha.

Omaha is such a, it's like, here's what I like about Omaha. Omaha is a major city, but there are not a lot of people there. So it's like partying in your favorite major city when nobody's around like you know when everybody goes to coachella and la and it just feels kind of ghost town it feels empty that's yeah and that's how it is in san francisco when everybody goes to burning man that's what omaha is like all the time ghost town ghost townie and it's so it's like it feels like the warriors yeah on the street i like sometimes we. I like some times where I'm the only motherfucker up right now. Yeah.

Just walking in the middle of the street. I like that too, yeah. It's really a cool feeling, especially like, yeah, you do a show. You go to a barcade or something like that. A lot of kickball went down there. Yeah. California tacos. They got a Slurpee machine full of salsa.

What? Word. That's a great idea. Why would anyone else do that? When you see it, you're like, of course. Yeah. Like, it's the spinning thing, and you pull the thing down, and salsa comes in your cup. Cold salsa?

Keeps it chilled. That's such a good fucking idea. They got Culver's. That Butter Burger? What is the Butter Burger? Is there good fucking idea. They got Culver's. That Butter Burger. What is the Butter Burger? Is there not? No. They're not.

There's not a lot of Culver's, man. It's like a burger. It's got some butter on it. Jack in the Box is trying to do it, but they're fucking blowing it. They're blowing it. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a little butter on it.

And it's like, and the neighborhoods are cool. There's like, cool. There's a lot of weird. I went to this store, it was like a knick-knack store, and all it was was, you could tell, it was just this old guy's shit. Yeah. It was just, there was a dude in the back, covered by a bunch, like, surrounded by a bunch of broken TVs, and then it was just all his life's shit that you could sort through

and buy. It's sure. It's cheap. It seems like Omaha's a city that doesn't know it's dope yet, or it doesn't know that people like going there. They're figuring it out. Well, they had like, they had a slight blow up with all that saddle rock music shit yeah but i think it didn't like it still didn't crack off the way they thought it would because it's still like omaha it's only

gonna get so big because it's close to denver you know what i mean so denver's the bigger city always gonna be yep so omaha is like a close second and it's like everybody you meet there is so stoked to be there. Sometimes you go to New York or something, they're like, whatever, I was born in Manhattan. With that weird fucking accent they have. But you go to Omaha and everybody's like, bro, I'm from shit splat Iowa. I'm so happy to be here. This place fucking rules.

I'm never leaving. You know what I mean? I don't want to know what happened to you. We just had – it's like – so it was between Minneapolis and Omaha. Sioux Falls is right in the middle. So we would – sometimes we'd go to Omaha and sometimes we'd go to Minneapolis. And Omaha just wasn't quite Minneapolis. So it's not a fair comparison.

That is – that's harsh because it's like, yeah. Yeah. So I wasn't doing it. We have had some really – like Omaha, we used to go to these skate contests and we would just like win. And it was super cool. Like coming into this big city and win. Oh, he dominated. We used to go down there, dominate, come home, and I took your bitch.

Like I didn't mean that. But also it does another place where it feels like everybody could get laid. Because all cities don't have that. Not every place feels like everybody's going to get laid. In Los Angeles it feels impossible. Yeah. Does anybody have sex out here? You don't even meet anyone. Yeah, I don't get it.

Everyone has these amazing bodies and they're doing nothing with them. Omaha is a very. And you got to tell people. You got to like. In LA you got to like say what you've done. Like it all sprinkles into conversation out here. Yeah. Like people like force that shit out of you.

You know what I mean? But in Omaha, it's just like, hey, man. I'm cornbread fed. You're cornbread fed. They have – it is like if you take a weekend in Omaha, they have – if like if you do it right, you go to the College World Series, which is fun. Yeah. The zoo is off the meat rack in Omaha. I didn't even know that.

Omaha Zoo is so dope. And it's another one of those things, too. We just did a comedy festival there. And it's kind of like Sioux Falls in that sense. Or just a small Midwestern city where people are very appreciative when things come to town. Yeah. This comedy festival, there was one venue. And all the shows were fantastic.

Did you do Krom? Yeah. I did the second and third one. We had... I got to do that. Krom is fun. There was like five Lyft drivers in town. It was pretty new to them.

So just the one Lyft driver kept taking us to and from the after party. And he was just like a shuttle. It was fucking hilarious. What was the one venue? I forget. Some place by a stadium kind of on the outskirts. Yeah, Gigantic Room. Yeah.

They had a wrestling match there. Yeah, that's where they did it before, too. That place was great. Yeah. I met this couple there, this gay couple. We ended up getting nearly blackout. And they were like the same kind of story. They were like, I'm from Dinkle Dink, Oklahoma.

I'm from, you know what I mean? But touch Alaska. And we moved here because at least here we can be in love. Interracial gay club. Doing it big. Sure. Doing it real big. Oh, nasty.

Interracial gay club? An interracial gay couple. Oh, gay couple. That would be the craziest club. I want to start an interracial gay nightclub. In Omaha, Nebraska. I call it Patches. And it's would be the craziest club. I want to start an interracial gay nightclub. Dude, in Omaha, Nebraska. I call it Patches. And it's so sweet.

Patches. I don't know why. It's the quilt because it's like a patchwork quilt. How to make an American quilt but like a bonin'. Before Gangland, they had an MTV True Life on gangs in Omaha. Really? I remember vividly there was this dude uh on the show his name was m dog and he was wearing all white white with a white rag over his face and he was holding the mac 10 and i was like

omaha's fucking scary like that when i was those shows are really good at that though because if you i watched one on ogden utah one time yeah they'll make fucking anywhere there's a portland one yeah yeah yeah like the portland one is so funny because it's about dog fighting and it was like a little strip like it was like one apartment complex yeah north on alberta and they're like yeah that's pretty buck that wasn't that's not a gang that was four crazy dudes who happened to know each other family is like yeah a bunch of people moved from la to this apartment complex and also it was about a dog fighting ring it was it was barely about gangs it was just this dude is running illegal dog fights that's pretty that's pretty hardcore though that's super hardcore i've always wanted to see a cock fight

i i could watch one we were i don't think i could i don't think i could watch a dog fight i couldn't watch a dog just i swear we just talked about this the other night fighting well i was like i used to watch them on youtube could you watch a dog fight like i i think i asked Ian how much money would it take for you to watch a dog fight. And he goes, I don't – I couldn't. I don't think. I wouldn't be into it. It's so brutal, man. Yeah.

Yeah. Omaha. Omaha. You guys want to fight some dogs. That's what we're coding language here. It's going down in Omaha. It's a reasonable – I like a city where it's reasonable to get from the airport too. Like it takes maybe five minutes to get to the airport from downtown.

Yeah, it's close to the airport. Very, very reasonable. Everything is on Dodge – like Dodge Street is the center of everything, which is nice. So they got a dope street. They got like cool people, unpretentious people. And it's empty. Good food. That's what I like.

It's like so low key. Like I've never been – and maybe this is just the wrong, or when I go there, but like even, I've never been somewhere that's packed. Yeah. And when it is packed, it's the best. Like, did you ever go to Olivers? Yeah. That was where we had the part, that was like the one bar where they would have the parties.

That was the place they sold us beer as they were closing. Oh yeah. Which is such a cool Omaha thing. Yeah, that spot is fantastic. Like, hey, you guys want any beer? They'd sell us a six pack of beer and they sold it to Oh, yeah. Which is such a cool Omaha thing. Yeah, that spot is fantastic. Like, hey, you guys want any beer? They'd sell us a six-pack of beer, and they sold it to, like, 13 of us, you know? I met a dude at Olivers with a panther tattoo, like, on, like, it wasn't on his face. It was, like, on his neck, and the panther eyes were, like, diamond studs.

What the fuck? Still friends with that dude on facebook that guy's great yeah that olivers omaha nebraska living his best version of life yeah it was cool when i got on omaha all right i'm excited to go to omaha yeah you gotta go a nice little part of downtown they got streets over they got brick streets some places look at how much more relaxed my body language is. You were hostile. Excellent. I got a little closer for a second. Now I'm back to me.

We got to move it along. To the fourth pick. It's time for my fourth pick. And I'm going to go with Austin, Texas. Oh, shit. I got to go south with this one. You're very strategically picking off the ones, because I had a lot in my head, and I was like,

I got to get to these other ones. And then you're like picking, you're making smart picks. I feel this is the draft I feel best about. This is like, you have a really strong showing when you put it all. I can't believe I got New York third. But like, yeah, Austin. All yours are gimmies, too.

They're all like, when you say it, I'm like, fuck third. But like, yeah, Austin. All yours are gimmies, too. They're all like, when you say it, I'm like, fuck you. Of course, of course. Austin, Texas, of course, dude. It's fucking, the weather's dope, and any kind of night you want to have, you can go have down in Austin, Texas. People are real friendly, at least the people in Austin. There was also a weird open carry demonstration when I was there once. Which wigged me out. I was like,

is that a machine gun? I'm eating a breakfast taco. I shouldn't be looking at a fucking machine gun. I'm like still drunk from the night before. I got queso dip on my face. Why am I seeing a machine gun? Dude, Sixth Street is fun in like a... It's fun in like a Bourbon Street sort of way, but it's

got a little more dignity than Bourbon Street. Yeah, it is like churched bourbon street it's like yeah it is like churched up bourbon yeah it is like church up also crazy beautiful absolutely women in austin it is like they look like like rap video like daisy duke yeah it's people you didn't think were real it's a college town yeah like a and a cultural center like a music town yeah there's music everywhere yeah what a great place to go to college if you got to go to college in the middle of a city like that where you're like yeah yeah college isn't my city my city's my city and a college happens to be in it yeah so fucking yeah i did it in portland but yeah point but ut but you can also go have like frat life or whatever if you want on it uh i wouldn't want that but some people might i like i like the option of a city that has a street that they close down at night like sixth street

i like the option i'm a little too old for it these days yeah but i mean there's a place that you can go in at funnels yeah there's like great music uh you know i mean austin city limits itself all these little bars there's like amazing band there's like usually gonna be an amazing band in town too yeah which is such a nice treat. If you're just walking down the street and you're like, I'll go check this bluegrass band out. Cap City Comedy is a great club, even though it's in a weird mall.

It is in a weird strip mall. It's not near the dope stuff, but it's such a good club run by really great people. Oh, man. I was just down there for South by Southwest. It was like crazy. that city is always doing a festival yeah there's always some yeah every two weeks there's like a nutty there's like there's uh you can do comedy but like just music festivals yeah you got like fun fun fun

yeah i don't know if that's music but i mean they just have a shitload of stuff going on i'm doing moon tower this year i can't wait i want to do Moon Tower I'll be at High Plains It's such a fun city The food's great You can get good barbecue there Outside of the Salt Lick There's Franklin's Franklin's is a spot in the town

Man, yeah You go to a swimming hole There's swimming holes that you just drive out to That aren't far from town And you just go to like a swimming hole there's like swimming holes that you just like drive out to that aren't far from town and you just go swim in a swimming hole all day bake in the sun and it's where they film days to confuse and it's where they film days and you can just be there be like hey what's going on yeah this is exactly this is where this is where it went it's rad it's they got a rad comedy scene both like in the clubs and like under like underground comedy scene or whatever.

And amazing comedians will come out of there. It's no surprise. Yeah, it's fucking good. And it's in fucking Texas. It's like a liberal enclave, right? It is. It's a tiny little blue dot. It's a little blue dot in the middle of fucking Texas, dude. Yeah, I fuck with it.

I fuck with Austin. It is an amazing city. And I've only been there once. That's the thing about a lot of these cities. I've only been there like one. I the thing about a lot of these cities. I've only been there like one. I've been to New York once and Austin once. I've been there like two or three times. But it's all the same.

I don't know. The first time is where you really do get your phone number. That's where you build that memory, and that's what sells you for a week. You're like, this is – Because when you come back, you're just always trying to expand on that memory. So you come back to the city, and you're like, I went to this place last time. So I'm going to like here rather than letting the the night take you somewhere yeah you gotta be open to that night well that was the night the

night has taken me beautiful places in austin texas before shout out to every part of that fucking city god it's great there's like hipster there's a great like there's hipsters there yeah you know what i mean like they're like still from texas yeah they're like texas hipsters like hipsters off the coast are super dope i feel like people don't give them credit for that for like doing that in a crazy place like chicago hipsters are like cool yeah you know what i mean they're not like annoying they're not like silver like fucking hip no no they can like they still do stuff those people are just trying to be hot in a different way like but like a midwest is a little different yeah i'm like i'm tired of being hot the normal way so i'm gonna be hot in a different way. But like a Midwest hipster is a little different. Yeah. I'm like, I'm tired of being hot the normal way, so I'm going to be hot. I'm going to be a hipster hot.

Yeah. And now next year they're going to be, I don't know what's going to come out. They'll be whatever the next thing. They'll be health goth or whatever the fuck the next thing is. Yeah, whatever comes up. Health goth. Health goth. That sounds fun.

Sean Jordan, it is time for your fourth and fifth picks. Fourth and fifth. Yeah. And I got them both. So for the fourth one, we're going Deadwood, South Dakota. What the fuck? Whoa. Deadwood is a city where you can go and you can actually feel like you are in the TV show

Deadwood. They have all of the old... It's like a cowboy situation. It is so fun to go for a weekend. Yeah. Living in Deadwood. Like Dodge City, Kansas? I don't know. Itansas like that i don't

know it it's it's like that i swear to god you can walk down they have like wood wood plank uh like porches saloons double doors you walk in and it's like it's the vibe like you can go to all these old west museums see where wild bill got shot like all of this super fun western history yeah and you can just live like that for a couple days but people like kind of party there too at night they cut loose a little bit yeah they throw down it's crazy like it's because that and it's it's so it's by it's kind of by sturgis which was it was between deadwood and sturgis for me for like a weekend sure i picked deadwood because sturgis is a little too gnarly but it's's like that. It just seems like it's real. It is gnarly.

Gnarly. Chap's nipples out there. It's like that. Like, you just take a vacation to Deadwood, you go, you gamble, and you act like a cowboy. Yeah, you can gamble like crazy. It's full-on legal. I had no idea. Card games and everything.

Really? Games of chance, too? Like, you can roll dice? I don't know if I've ever actually seen anybody rolling dice. I mean, I know card games like crazy. Yeah, right, right.

Well, because there's like a lot of complicated rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are there one-armed jacks? Yeah, yeah. Slot machines. Yeah, dude. Slots for days.

Oh, then you can play dice? Yeah, yeah. It's just games of chance. One-armed jacks? I've never heard of them. That's a great term. One-armed bandits. I don't even think

that's the term. One-armed bandits. That's it. Is one-armed bandit? Either way. There's one-eyed jacks. One-armed Jax. I've never heard of him. That's a great term for that. I don't even think that's the term. One-armed bandit. That's it. Is one-armed bandit? Either way. There's one-eyed Jax. One-eyed Jax. So Deadwood is like it's butted up against like a mountain where they would gold mine.

Like it's butted right up against it. Yeah. So the town couldn't really grow any bigger. And it's just such a fun weekend history vacation. And like, yeah, you go get buck at night. I mean the whole – the town kind you go get buck at night i mean the whole the town kind of turns into that at night like it's just you feel rowdy when you're there you just feel like i would too so knocking back a whiskey and like you got jeans on and you don't

you know you're not dressed like a cowboy but you kind of yeah you do a little bit you put a flannel on you put a button up flannel flannel on tuck it into your jeans and you just knock back a whiskey you're like i'm a fucking cowboy tonight it's good to feel like a cowboy everybody wants that yeah it's it's romantic yeah it's romantic and you you like you you slip into it like a character almost being a cowboy for me is up there with being a rapper yeah it'd be a beautiful life i wouldn't want to be a cowboy if I could be some type of a cowboy rapper rock star. Cowboy Troy. Cowboy Troy.

Yeah. But like, but with bars. Right. Like a good cowboy rapper. Like real bars. Like when Bone Thugs-N-Harmony did that cowboy album. Yeah, Ghetto Cowboy. Yeah, Ghetto Cowboy.

Yeah, yeah. My name is. You better count your money. Then the white guy was in it. You better count your money. Remember? Ghetto Cowboy. My name is Powder P. can i get a 12 games

who is that was it kenny rogers that had that it's the gambler right it's a sample from no it's no ghetto cowboy is its own thing it's no but i mean like they say you better it's not a count show money that's you better out of something but i remember i didn't know that i thought bone thugs came up with that that's a weird thing about listening to only rap and then growing up. I will hear a song that some shit was sampled from. I'll be like, get the fuck out of here. That's a different. I thought Missy Elliott made that up.

It's always weird shit. Steely Dan stole this beat from Lord Tariq and Peter Guns. That's how I listen to music now. And it's fucking wild. I'll just be like, who knows? And then I'll tell people and they'll be like, i always knew that yeah i always knew that that was the song i'm like fuck you man i mean i had to go to karaoke to find you know how many beats i found out about just going to karaoke and i'm like oh shit absolutely yeah man puff daddy wasn't a genius

i thought he was no i thought he made all those songs just a marketing genius that was a david bowie song because i wasn't old enough to understand what they meant by samples yeah so i thought puffy would like record those parts and he just made it up like with like like uh fucking like i thought he was just doing i thought he just had a woman come in the studio and sing um i'm coming yeah like i thought he just had a woman come in the studio and sing, I'm coming. Yeah. Like, I thought he just had a lady do that. Right. He's like, I know they've done another song, but I brought a new one in to re-record it. Yeah.

I was like, this dude is a miracle. That's amazing. Also amazing, Deadwood, South Dakota. I'm telling you. I like that. I would give it a weekend for sure. It is a fun – but that's it though. That's why it's one of my favorite picks because it's –

Just a weekend. Not – I mean if you're in that, not hating on it. As I said earlier, you got to love where you're from. But like I cannot imagine living in Deadwood. I just cannot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's a lot of places. Oh, shit.

Is that me? Oh, no. That's me. My bad. No? All right. Oh, audio feedback issue. places. Oh, shit. Oh, no, that's me. My bad. All right. Oh, audio feedback issue. Hey. Yeah, dude. We still all good?

All right, cool. No, fuck it. Let's all go to Deadwood right now. We'll go to Deadwood. No, let's go to the number five pick first. Before we go to Denver, we got to go to the number five pick. And I can't believe neither one of you took it. We're going to go Philly.

Oh, Philly. Philly was on my list. I've only been to Philly once, and it wasilly oh philly philly was on my list it's i've only been to philly once and it was philly's kiss was on my list it was it was so um just the feel like again one of those cities where it's easy to get from the airport to downtown right and right when i got out at downtown it was just it just feels like such an amazing city really i love it dude yeah i mean you know back in school i used to dream about it every day. So I was there for a friend's wedding, and we were in the fountain. So like you look down the street, and there's the rocky stairs, and there's a fountain.

Not Love Park, but the other big fountain. We were in the fountain in our underwear, like probably 20 of us drinking bottles of wine, causing a ruckus. Like a ruckus. And cops just driving by like ah look at them yeah oh that's because we weren't doing anything in philadelphia that wrong we were just drinking we were drinking wine you know like we're in the 40s yeah i think we're drinking they're like oh they got wine no big philly's full of fucking idiots but like that's the idiots know how to party for the most part it's do party good yeah it was i asked the person at the hotel i was like

where's just like a philly ass bar and they it was like right around the corner i went and it was a fucking philly ass bar like the eagle yeah just like everybody was straight philly and then when i told people i wasn't from there they loved it and they were just so excited to tell me what to do where to go that's the best way to hang it like just what i had to do and i'm like i'll do all that yeah i've never gone to a city where they weren't like that except for like really except for la yeah yeah people in la are pretty quick to be like i work all day yeah yeah yeah you're like i'm not from here they're like fucking no one no one is even but even natives even you like ask androsky he doesn't know yeah it's like you could do whatever yeah and with with philly i don't care how like how some people look at it but i i've tried both the cheesesteaks i just i have to it's one of my favorite things just like

i tried them both so what are the two places you can do pats and gino's yeah and wit whiz you do it at both places or you can get a Provolone. Like, they both have the full armada of options. There's not much of a difference as far as I could tell. They were both dope. Water Ice. People shit their pants. They're like, you got to try Water Ice.

All it is is shaved ice. Yeah. People talk about it like it's going to change the fucking game. And you're like, yeah, I mean, it's a snow cone, dog. I've been to a fair. But they're like, oh, haven't had water ice i'm like yeah i have i've had people don't want tiger blood we called it people don't want to think you've maybe had a better thing than they make sure no yeah yeah i love the glint in someone's eye when they're dropping something on you and you're like i i've had it that's right no you haven't i was in buffalo

and they're like you got gotta get a beef weck sandwich you can only get it in Buffalo it's a fucking french dip I've had great french dip I can hook up a french dip at home dude exactly you can make a french dip at home I don't need to try your specific kind of french dip

I was good I love the idea of it's okay to dip our sandwich yeah we have but we have that other places yeah it's not like yeah i get that philly's a fun philly philly's a great day too because the city's so full of history it's huge well it is huge which is huge but like the old philly's small and it's very walkable like so you can walk all right you can like walk from the Liberty Bell to, like, where Benjamin Franklin lived. And, like, all this stuff is kind of in the same area. And we went. We took a bus.

It was my friend's wedding. We took a party bus. And his ex-wife's family is Philly born and raised, like, to the core. So we get on this party bus, and they took us to, like, a Philly neighborhood. With it, you would see in, in like the fighter or something like that. And it was so, it was so cool. Just walking around.

It's just like, you would see you're like, you're just like, there's house, house, house, house, corner bar.

Let's all go in the corner bar. And it's lit up like a little bit too much. Fish town or something. It was, oh, it was a blast, dude. And just walking around it,

just that feel that East coast feel that it's, it's hard to get that in New York because it's so big. New York's just so big. In Philly, you can still find that neighborhood stuff that you hear about. It seems to me Philly feels like people live there. It does. When I'm in New York, it doesn't feel like anybody lives there. Yeah, you're like, where the fuck is your apartment?

People fucking live in Philly, yeah. I mean, the sandwiches are great. Really fun bars. They have fun after-hour bars. I remember I was there once, and I ended up at this after-hour bar that was for journalists and for some reason, a bunch of comedians were there, too. Weird. But it was this place you would go after the bars closed.

It was great, man. Yeah. Philly is a dope city. That's your final pick? That is my final pick. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Philadelphia Half-Life. It's time final pick? That is my final pick. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Philadelphia Half-Life.

It's time for me to go to my final pick. Let's hear it, dog. I can't believe I get it. I know I'm going – like I usually like to have like an out of left field pick and I had a couple I thought about but I'm going to go with Chicago. I got to go with the Chi. That's a good move. Chi City, dude.

I got nothing against that. Fucking – Get some hot beef. Dude, get some hot beef. Get some hot dogs, get a deep dish pizza. Oh, man. All that shit. Press your face on the glass. I love a hot Italian beef, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More than yet, right? The Willis Tower, now they call it. Sure. To Wrigleyville. Wrigleyville, yeah. Yeah. There's that bean, whatever that crazy reflective thing in that park.

The Married With Children fountain. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But more than anything, the bars don't close until 4, and everybody there celebrates that. It's an Illinois thing. But it's not every bar, right? Maybe it's not every, but a lot of bars.

From what I remember, there's a couple in every neighborhood, but not all bars are 4 a.m. I think that's true. I don't think they all close at 4 a.m. And then some open back up. Like they have this weird system where a lot will stay open until 4 and the ones that don't open at 6. So like you just have to find time to kill between 4 and 6 in the morning. Other than that, you can just be in a bar the whole time.

Yeah. I'm blowing it so hard right now, but there is a bar across the street from Second City where there was a stand-up comedy club that had performed there. There's a bar across the street from it. Up? Up is the club. Up is the comedy club. The bar is, like, covered in all these crazy paintings. There was one at Hannibal, too.

That was an art museum that you snuck a 40 into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that the show Cable Car? No. What was it called? What's the show? Cable Car? Is that what it is? I have no idea. Like Kenny DeForest used to run it? I don't think there was a show there. Oh, I don't know.

But it's like covered in paint. There's like a painting of Rod Blagojevich in there, like naked. There's like a naked painting of Sarah Palin holding a gun. They're not good paintings, but the bar is covered in them and they have this this jukebox that like only has jazz and blues music in it it was just like it was the a bar that felt the most like a bar that i've ever been in in my entire life and i'm so bad with names i can't believe i'm blanking on the name chicago feels like America to me. Yeah. It's a very, like, everything you kind of want is there for it to be a real American city.

Chicago is such an underrated city. Which is fun. Yeah. It's huge. I mean, the death, it wasn't fun. But, like, you know, just the vibe of the history is fun. But it's right. Yeah.

It's like a huge city, but you can also, there's parts of it you can walk around. And they got the L train, which is like pretty reliable. My favorite movie in the world was set there, High Fidelity. That's your favorite movie in the world? My favorite movie ever made. First. Top. Top of the list.

Do you like the book too? A whole nother podcast. Yeah. I love the book. The book was very different. I'm finding out the name of this book. Yeah. Your boys, Linkin Park, are from there? I think there is a Linkin Park. I don't know. the book the boy was very different i'm finding out the name of this um yeah the uh your boys

lincoln park are from there i think there is a are they from park i don't know i think they're from la are they yeah that's what yeah they're from lincoln park lincoln park la i didn't know town ale house is the name of the old town ale house wait lincoln park that's your boys no what how did that get twisted he said said your boys Linkin Park. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do love all their music, but we're not friends. No, no. I meant.

It's just the respect of the art. You're a big fan of Mike Shinoda. I like Mike Shinoda. I saw his music. Is he the one who did Fort Minor too? Yeah. There were some good Fort Minor songs. There were good Remember the Name the name yes that's a great

song i've never heard of fort minor dude is that another where'd you go i miss you so and then rap i don't know sing the whole thing since you sing the whole song right now acapella feels like you've been gone a while feels like you've been gone a while shinoda was all right dude he was he just never had the proper vehicle to display the bars no i there was uh that there i could see how lincoln park people would like lincoln park though i do too yeah it's go it goes hard it's anyway i feel that same way about chicago yeah They're not from Chicago. Yeah. So in summation, now I like Chicago more. The Art Institute of Chicago is fucking one of the maybe – I've been to – I love going to museums, art museums, and it's one of the best art museums I've ever been to. I've been to like the Louvre and the Tate and everything in New York and San Francisco.

And this shit is like so good. It's big and they have – but like they have like American Gothic is there with the two farmers next to each other. Oh, that'd be tight. The Nighthawk is there. You just see these amazing fucking paintings. So that's a fun afternoon. I went to Chicago. I went in BB King's bar or whatever that he owns.

And we were there at like three getting drunk. And there was just some guy just ripping it off the guitar. That's what I'm saying, dude. The music is great. Yeah, it's so great. And the people that, it's like kind of the, I mean, a similar thread through all of my pics are these cities where the people who, you know, live there love those cities. Yeah, they live in Dunlop.

Like, people, all the comedians who are from Chicago fucking love Chicago, right? They roll deep, too. Even out here, they're all hanging out together. Exactly. That's great. That's fantastic. Like, Chicago guys, like, love, and they talk about Chicago. Yeah.

And they drink a lot of beer i fucking i don't know any people from chicago who i'm bummed about knowing them yeah i'm like stoked about most and they can all go pretty hard like bronger who's from portland and we go bronger and i both go hard for portland but bronger's go hard feels like it's from chicago i don't know how he does what he does one time in like 20 minutes yeah it was right after he shot that he shot his show and he was super stoked and we were at the bigfoot yeah he was like we were just talking and he was like oh come on i'll buy you some bricks you know and he gets all excited yeah and then like 30 minutes later it was like and then two chicago guys came, like him, and then James Fritz came up and somebody else from Chicago. Yeah, dude.

Those Chicago guys. Dude, talking to those guys like 20 minutes, I was fucking hammered. I couldn't believe it. They can get it done. It's that kind of city, man. They're like happy drunks, man. Yeah. Happy drunks.

They just like drinking. I don't see how there's any other kind of drunk person. I do not get it. I don't know, man. If I got upset when I was drunk, I wouldn't drink. Chicago's happy drunks. And like the Onion is there. if you're like in with any of them or the av club it's fun for a day it's just great man it's just an important great it's just there's shit to do every night it's a real city it's a real real big public transportation train lines that's yeah

that city doesn't need you there yeah yeah that's what i want you there that's what i want i want my cities i want it to be coy yeah you can come in chicago's coy also leave um there's so much more to say about chicago but we've said so much already so we're gonna move on now david to your final pick the final pick of the best cities in america to spend a weekend and draft this This is a strange one. A lot of people are going to give me some flack. Arcata, California. Arcata.

Okay. It's the jewel in the Humboldt County crown. Yes, it is. I broke my foot, I think, in Arcata. Really? Just last time I broke it, yeah. Oh, they have a skate park up there. I used to go up there probably every to go up there like probably every two months

to three months because they have comedy shows it's a fun city it's so fun it's so beautiful it's a liberal enclave yes everybody they have so much weed there that you don't even talk about you don't even talk about it

it's not even like man you guys got a lot of weed it's like you go to somebody talk about it. You don't even talk about it. It's not even like, man, you guys got a lot of weed. They'd be like, yeah, we got a lot of weed. It's like fucking – you go to somebody's house. It's like, do you want a glass of water? It's not – you know what I mean? The weed's out. And I love that because I love smoking weed, but I don't like talking about smoking weed. I don't need a fucking –

Me either. I don't need fucking tube socks with weed leaves on them. I just like where it's a part of the – Yes. It's a part of the culture. Yes. leaves on them. I just like where it's a part of the culture. I've done shows

out there and people will come up to me after shows and be like, thank you so much for coming. Fat sacks of... I did a show with N'Gayo Beelum up there. That's the guy to do a weed show with. That's the guy to do a weed show with. He looks like human weed.

Dude, just wearing purple. It was so great. His hair is like shiny the way weed is with the crystals. Yeah, yeah. It's the same reason. It's THC. Shout out to Ngaio. I love Ngaio, dude. He's the best.

He is. But, like, I remember doing a show up there with him, and we just had a great weekend. I went in the fucking place next to our hotel the next morning, and the guy was like, hey, if you and guy will have like pictures could you sign them and we'll put them up on the wall wow like so dope the people are there so great it's fucking beautiful the town go to the beach you go to the beach it's like an ewok village on the beach it's like that weird like almost like an oregon beach it is kind of cold and real pebbly yeah like yeah humbold County, they have a strip club slash RV sales.

It's called the Tip Top. You go in there, and it says, gentlemen's club slash RV sales, because I guess the town didn't want them to make a strip club. So the guy's like, I could sell RVs and do whatever the fuck I wanted. That's so funny we went in there there was like two strippers they were the nicest like i've just i've never had anything but they have a meat cone it's like a it's like a waffle cone with potatoes and meat and gravy and carrots in there you get they got a classy little town center yeah it's a little yeah they got a little square yeah it looks like stars hollow a little bit all these front businesses all these businesses that are clearly fronts

a disc golf pro shop makes enough money to function me canane and brian cook went up there to do the savage henry festival oh yeah and uh i remember sitting there when they like handed us the money for the show they did it in kind of a secretive way like in an envelope like and uh here's your you know two hundred dollars or whatever it was yeah and uh oh and here's some weed and he just threw it in like this the biggest bag of weed still to this day i've ever seen in my life just threw it and threw felony at us like it was nothing they love it yo yeah you know how i met those guys it was the day after i met you yeah in portland because i met you and for some

reason i was just like oh look i like this guy yeah yeah and i was like portland's so cool i met the savage henry guy shout out to chris durant chris durant he was just sitting in front of uh ground control in portland yeah and he was just like, hey, man, do you smoke weed? And I was like, shit, yeah. And he just gave me a handful of weed, and he's like, I'm Chris. I have a magazine. It's real funny. Yeah.

And I was just like, yeah, I'll go there. And just great times. A bunch of weird people. It's like the same with Denver, where it's kind of spicy. Yeah, it is. A little spicy. A late night. They got that Don's Donuts place.

Got to keep your eyes open, you know? Yeah. Because it's a lot of people. It's the end of the line for a lot of people. A late night. They got that Don's Donuts place. You got to keep your eyes open, you know? Yeah. Because it's a lot of people. It's the end of the line for a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a lot of like traveling kids. Like there's a lot of kids who go up there to trim weed and shit like that.

And it's just like, and it's so far away from everything. It's like, yeah, I've had nothing but, nothing but great times. Dude, Arcade is a great pick. It's a good, I'm like really proud of it. Humboldt State's up there. Yeah. And they have a bunch of money. So like whenever I go up there, it's like,

it's not like sometimes you go to a small town and it's like, oh, you know, Rappin' Forte's going to be up there. Yeah, yeah. But they have so much money and it's Humboldt. It's just like legit people do shows there. Exhibit's going to be there. Yes.

Corrupt is like. Well, that was kind of always the place. It's on Run the Jewels. Run the Jewels, Run the Jewels. It's on their tour coming up. Way before it was legal anywhere, Humboldt was kind of always the place where it's like, it's pretty much legal. And some people would put it on there.

They'd be like, nobody gives a shit. I thought it was a lie. I didn't even. I thought growing up, I thought, A, I thought it was called Humboldt County because I would buy dudes and they would just call it Humboldt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they'd call it Humboldt because I would buy dudes and they would just call it Humble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they'd call it Humble because that's what we thought. They'd be like, well, what kind of – back when it was like Kind Bud or something else.

It's Humble Bud. No, this is Humble. This is Humble Bud. Oh, yeah. Okay. I thought it was some mythical California dream place. Yeah. And then I got to go up there and like – yeah, I love it.

Arcata, California, a weekend, great. The food is decent. It's fine. It's fine. I had a really good burger, and I was good even with a broken foot. So that's saying something. That's a good burger. This burger is making me forget about my stupid busted foot right now. And it just makes you want to eat mushrooms.

I did an outdoor festival there one time, and these old ladies came up and gave me a hug and just gave me a bunch of joints like it's just it's great it's like for me it's like for a weekend after a weekend i think you start to see the seedy underbelly sad a little bit there's a tweaker element yeah like for that tweaker element is is popping in northern california yeah any of those small towns and you're like that off. That's like a whole pocket full of dudes that are just tweaking. Yeah, a lot of Johnny Blaze hoodies. So that concludes.

That's the final pick of the best cities in America to spend a weekend in. Fantasy Draft. Just to go over our lists again real quick. Sean Jordan, you led off with Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Stay in the Midwest. Went to Minneapolis. And then what?

Conegas, Nevada. Went back to South Dakota for Deadwood. It was hard to not just pick all South Dakota cities. No, you rapped hard. I respect it. And then wrapped it all up with Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Really? The seat of democracy in this country for a while.

I went with New Orleans first, and then Portland, Oregon, the Rose City, top of the food chain, jewel of the Pacific Northwest. And then New York City, Jew York City. Portland of the East. The Portland of the East. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people call it. Most people call it Too Big Portland.

And then Austin, Texas. And Chicago, Illinois. Yeah, you went good. Illinois. I got some big cities there. You got some stables and you covered the country. I'm just thinking about my list before you say it. My list is like a bunch of places like your cool uncle said he went to jail in.

Yours is a bunch of places you happen to get laid in. Yeah, yeah. That does, yeah. Does that inform a lot of my decisions on this podcast? Yes. And those cities are San Francisco, California. Yes. Reno, Nevada.

Yes. Denver, Colorado. Yes. The Mile High. Yes. Omaha, Nebraska. Woo! And Arcata, California. Give it to them. There it is. That's The Mile High. Yes. Omaha, Nebraska. Woo! And Arcata, California.

Give it to them. There it is. That's a well-rounded list. These are some places to spend a weekend, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, these are go. I want to thank you both for coming back on the podcast so quick. I really appreciate it. Sean, you hit him up at SeanSJordan on Twitter.com.

David Borey, the G is silent on Twitter.com. Any dates? This is going to come out this week You want to plug? I'm going to be at Doc's Lab In San Francisco on December 21st There you go

December 9th, Portland, Oregon I will be there at the Secret Society And I would love it It's only like 130 seats So I would love it if it sold out Let's sell that out, Portland, Oregon I got nothing Buy my album, out. Let's sell that out, Portland, Oregon. I got nothing.

I'll be – oh, but buy my album, 9.21 Pitchfork from Kill Rockstars Records. That's good. And then that's it. I'm at Ian Carmel on Twitter. Thank you for listening. Tune in next week for another brand new episode of all anaphylactic shock. Everything. Anaphylactic. That was a HateGum Podcast.