All Fantasy Everything - Clothing That You Would Like To Wear But You Can't Pull Off (w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

DON'T EVEN ASK US HOW BOLIVIA WAS LAST WEEK BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T KNOW! The GVG is back to draft "Clothing We Wish We Could Pull Off But Just Cant!" We kept it O.G. On this with Ian, David and Sean. Listen and imagine how wild we would look if we could!  Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. And then usually I say some other stuff here, but we're recording without Marissa. So I'm Ian Carmel, and it's Sean and David, and we're the people doing it. And Marissa please please fly back from bolivia soon we miss you so much roll that theme music welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that's been on a commercial shoot all day all day what was it for ww formerly known as weight watchers dude

oh for cordizie for cordizie i was justizie. I was just watching Impeachment, and they got all this slim, fast Weight Watchers shit because they're dating the piece. I completely forgot about Weight Watchers. Oh, it's big. Oh, huge. I don't know if it's propaganda for me writing these commercials and it just keeps seeping into my head,

but it seems like a pretty good program if you follow it. But that's the thing with any program, right? With any diet. It's the thing with the program, specifically. Place at the table. If we ever do words that make us sound smart again, I think propaganda makes me sound smart when I use it. I don't use it a lot.

Same, same, same. Yep, definitely. I say propaganda, dude. It's like when I see a pretty girl walk by i give her a propaganda that was good that was good i wanted to fake like i didn't like it but it was can i say something it was good and i still didn't like it and that's on me it's because i objectified a woman that's not about you there wasn't a good way i could have said like if i see a dank set of stairs or something and made it non-sexual. I apologize.

I think that's basically what you said. David's a feminist. I scummed it. That's what it comes down to. A dank set of stairs does sound like 1920s slang for hot legs. Look at the gams on that dank set of stairs. That broad's got a hot set of stairs. I'm stoked on it, see?

If I hit the numbers, I'll take her to her to tuli town dude i'm going to the third floor you understand what i'm saying here the third floor men's hats and accessories you understand laura made me a poster for my birthday that is a too fast it was a fast and furious theme and she got quite it's funny because you can tell whose phone numbers she has of my friends yeah has she has she seen the fast and the furious oh she seemed like one of them i think and i was explained so can i explain my birthday to you it was really fun can i explain you can't explain your birthday to these people who love you we all understand birthdays by the way you don't have to really get in depth i won't i was born 40 years ago year of our lord 1981 october 28th october that's right v 28 so she got up my

presents were fast and furious so the first thing she got me was like a week and a half she got you with some of your jackrabbit sex come on yeah dude you guys were having sex you have sex with your wife it's a hand job with the right hand hand job with the left hand dude fast and furious she got me a drift ride along so i tokyo drifted i saw that was amazing it was fucking terrifying that was crazy i'm surprised you went for it. I am too, now that you're a father. Here's what I told her. I was like, you know how unsafe that was and how safe she is? There's no way she would have done it.

If she would have seen what they were doing, she'd be like, no, I don't want to do this. It's pretty old Sean. It was just your birthday. I got to get your back on this. So I drifted, and then we went to a smash room. That was the furious part. Not a room where you have sex they fucked in the shed if you don't if you don't think i was laughing every time i heard smash room it's written right there it says like welcome to the smash room and i'm like what are we doing

this is they have to call it a smash room. And the girl working was like 20. So I'm like, she knows what smash means to these kids. It's you can't. Every girl you've dated has heard welcome to the smash room, right? Yeah. It's like welcome to the jam rock. There's a Joker poster. Well, my doorway was the mouth of the Joker in college. That was like my door.

The Joker mouth. I saw. What did you break at the smash room i've always been intrigued by those things everything they have everything there are vhs tapes candles beer bottles wine glasses they had and they had a room you say everything those were not the things i would think of initially well they have a room in the back that's got like fax machines computers italian jam boxes the most dangerous smash room how much for the italian there was a man shrouded in darkness where all you could see was the butt on a cigar and he was like

would you like to enter the most dangerous smash room yeah and you get back there and it's just a bunch of fucking italians dude and then they have what looked to be a book case secret room you open it joker twisted you could try to smash the joker twisted i bet you would try to smash the joker dude all those posters you want to hear some shit that i forgot about till just now there were two rooms one of the rooms had a huge painting of the joker and harley quinn in it no shit and they didn't let us go and i'm just remembering this i looked over and i was like that's the joker in that room why is the joker so popular i don't i had to text you supreme just did a run of joker stuff i thought i can i tell you i've always thought that sean was being ironic i didn't realize it till the portland show when he had the shirt where i was like wait you really like the joker sean is being ironic right i am being ironic i made the shirt to throw out at the show

and i don't remember doing it but i i didn't have it in the morning so and you just happened to find yourself at a room with a gigantic joker mural yeah it feels like the lady doth protest i've never been in a room with a joker mural in it no me either it's astonishing i know i gotta go home i'm like oh damn it's 4 a.m already i gotta get out of here i can't believe that these kids think the joker's cool but that's neither here nor there anyway my birthday was dank i did 40 tricks uh on my birthday which was tight and then that was it. I did 40 tricks on my birthday, which was tight. And then that was it. 40 tricks or 40 tricks? 40 tricks.

I did not drink any 40s. You might be doing some 40 tricks coming Saturday. I will. I sure will. Adam sent me a picture of all of us. We were sitting on the couch. It was me, Scooch, the douche, and Adam sitting on the couch. And we all had 40s.

And we look like we think we're so hard. It's so funny. I'm throwing up the blood, like this thing. Can I, for the record, say, I know a lot of people do that in pictures. I don't think that's ever been considered actually throwing up the blood. No real blood spells blood with their hands. I think it might be like something that somebody figured out. I don't know if that's...

Yeah. Bloods don't really do that. Probably not, right? Yeah, i don't know if that's yeah yeah bloods don't really do that probably not right yeah i don't think so i think they would find the finger acrobatics frivolous but dexterous but dexterous frivolous but dexterous i mean it's the best any of us can hope for oh yeah come on yeah he invented pinstripes. Frivolous Von Dexterus? Stop saying pics, dude. Yeah, come on, man. We got to get into it. I do have a show.

Well, tell us a little more about your birthday. It was the big 4-0. I mean, we still, I'm flying up next weekend. I'm flying up the weekend after that. So we're going to be whining and dining you two weekends in a row. I'm going to be pining and brining you here's here you go i'm gonna be slamming and hamming you actually to no surprise i'll be very serious for a second most of my day yesterday was reflection on where i'm at as opposed to where i thought i would be when I was 40, I stepped back all day and I just sat and thought about how lucky I am,

how amazing the two of you are, how amazing my daughter is and Laura, and how lucky I am to get to do what I do, that I can still skate, that I'm healthy within reason, and I have a car, I bought a house. I mean, I don't even know. It's crazy. While you were doing that, how many times did the boob site pop it not like not like prominent but just like make like a flash i was i opened up facebook while i was chilling here and before you two got on and the first thing that popped up on my algorithm snowflake gets it goes anti-vaxxer snowflake gets knocked out

that was the first dark nipple and i watched the whole thing and he got knocked the fuck out it was tight so you spent your he's talking about david no i was just gonna say i'm not gonna be shamed there's a whole dark nipple community on the internet well you said you like it like a tootsie roll and a dinner plate that's the nipple you prefer i've said a lot of things on here i don't want you to keep talking about i was a dark nipple man for a while and then my my preferences sort of opened up a little bit more but there was i was a dark nipple man for a while and then my my preferences sort of opened up a little bit more but there was i had a period it's all it's all they're all good yeah they're all great you know what i used to think was appealing was in my mind this is i was very

young but i was like i didn't like nipples that much so i thought a nippleless boob was the way to go when i was that is what is What? 40 years old. You continue to surprise me. It sounds insane. Like a mannequin boob? Like you would have preferred a boob with no nipple on it. Just a perfectly... When I was like 12?

Yeah. That's like going to a dance party with no dance floor. I know. That's insane. You knew that such a thing didn't exist? You were pining for the lost city of gold. I was. I was looking for Atlantis, man.

And I, you know. Wow. I brought it up the other day to Laura because I was like, I remembered that I thought that I knew that about myself. And I've obviously forgotten that. But I was like, oh, man, what a crazy world I was living in. You want the chowder without the clams. Yeah. You just keep on spooling mysteries dude i know you think you know a guy so you spent your birthday reflecting on how beautiful your life

is for the first part of it yeah and then i would say so that's probably the first 60 percent the second 40 was thinking about that line i guess that's why they call a window pane that was 35 percent and then the last five percent was pure concentrated power you gotta get there you gotta get there you're 40 now i didn't drive yesterday army crawled everywhere concentrated power of will yeah my man yeah man so you're 40 the birthday celebrations continue and are continuing for the next for the next few weeks yeah dude we'll report back on that i'm growing my mustache back that's part of your birthday present i think i'm gonna do it too i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna do the movember thing just for fun i've never done it i think i'm gonna do it oh i didn't even think of it that way i think i'm gonna do it i

heard it on the entourage podcast and which i i'm glued to it's crazy that they have a podcast about a show that's over. Although Gilmore Guys did that, right? Gilmore Guys was, okay. Anyway. But Gilmore Guys wasn't the Gilmore Girls. The Entourage podcast. Entourage is Entourage. Except all they do now is be like.

That bums me out way more. All they do, I swear, they just sit there and talk about how it's okay to still be a little homophobic. It is crazy. No, we can still be a little homophobic it is crazy no we can still say it a lot of it is that and I'm like are you serious but then the rest they talk

they talk about the episodes and I'm like it's interesting but it's gotta be a complicated legacy to have that be the main thing you've done with your life well they're I joke they're very honest about how it is they understand that like you can't it would be different now and rightfully so they don't like stick up for it anyway having said that do they

say that a lot in the podcast yes they do having it was a different time comes up a lot having uh so you're doing stand-up comedy here pretty soon you have a show coming up november 18th sioux falls south dakota with kyle canane and then the 19th 20th 21st 22nd 23rd with kyle canane in lincoln iowa city madison and chicago where we'll probably die i've never been to chicago with kyle wow chicago with canaan yeah i was shy with kai yeah get out of here even you know he even texted he's like chicago gets pretty crazy i bet it does who was it uh my man oh sam t my man sam talent go buy his book running the light he just told me he opened for kyle for like four dates. He said the hour is still incredible.

He's so funny. Yeah. Come see him in Sioux Falls. I told him I was glad I have a stand-up to still look up to. Yeah. That's the place to see him. Because some of these older ones are letting us down. It is a vanishing list for a variety of reasons.

Yeah. They sure are. They're getting. Maybe you shouldn't be Rick James, bitch, bitch forever getting a little too into their cigarettes yeah a lot of guys feeling real important about themselves yeah just to post date this that was sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar mel and jordan on instagram that's where you can find it on my instagram true story david boris also here how you doing buddy i got you all in check i just bought i just bought a new dresser because my shit i bought a little amazon dresser my shit was too small and because

it was too small i was accumulating more laundry because i wasn't putting it in it so i got a new one to put it in also portland i'm gonna be there nove 14th, and I think we could sell this bitch out. I feel like you could. Where are you performing? At Helium. Oh, for God's sake. That's a sellout. Helium, November 14th?

I imagine I'll get away from the kid for a night. Your boy doing some shit you've never seen? Mm-hmm. I'm on that new shit. What am I talking about? Therapy. Simone Biles. Yeah. Karate. Yes. Really? All that new shit. What am I talking about? Therapy. Simone Biles. Yeah.

Karate. Yes. Really? All kinds of shit. Yeah. That's one joke. That's one joke. Listener.

That's one premise. That's one joke. Wait until you see the other three. It takes a long time to get through. Oh, CoolGoneJoke77 on Instagram, on instagram by the way but yeah come see me in portland november 14th other than that continue to watch wowie tv uh tuesday wednesday thursdays uh you know listen to all fantasy everything and uh keep your head up you know watch television next year maybe you'll see me somewhere might be popping up i'm ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter

at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish uh jewish blue bikes the new orleans bicycle app they got their own bike health nuts you got bikes in new orleans huh oh yeah oh yeah we rode our bikes all over the place they got little little electric bikes, dude. You have to. Have we been on here since I came back from New Orleans? We have not. We haven't talked about it at all. We haven't? That is a cream-based city. Put it on my tombstone.

It's a cream-based city. We had a great fucking time. I don't think we have talked about it on here. No, we've only talked about it in text. It was fucking amazing. the food was fantastic preservation hall is it lives up to it it's i saw some jazz i'm not like a crazy jazz person but it was such a good fucking time i love that city it's remains outside of portland my favorite american city jazz is like soccer to me though you get me in the stadium i'm gonna have a good time i had a good ass time this dude was putting all sorts of different stuff on the end of his trumpet

and like oh i love it when they put stuff on the end of the trump stuff i never seen before one of you know he had the one one like the the trumpet but then he put another thing on there that made it go like this i can't even replicate but i was i was i was in the tenderloin one time on the street i seen a dude put a bugle in that shit in a trumpet oh yeah fuck off man that's fucking trumpet people are out here doing different stuff i love it they got the lips for it i played the trumpet in fifth grade what's up i played the trumpet in fourth grade first time i ever got a d minus on a test i played the fool in sixth grade dude most everybody does it everybody does it sometimes i played the ponies after my first divorce sean if you want to we could go play

the ponies tomorrow bro i got a bartender the horse track dude we talking to oh man i got a system baby do you have i went to santa anita the other day for the first time and i gotta say i get it it is so oh it's fun it's it's fun it's so fun and i know people are gonna be mad but like man i like it i like it can be low stakes you don't have to go bet a college fund you can bet 20 bucks if you want it's fun and it's also like because you do that shit where you're like i met a girl named jessica five hundred dollars not that five five dollars but you know when i was bartending there was a guy you know you're not supposed to over serve the bartender over served this guy fiercely this is an old grizzled gnarly horse track guy so it's hard to over serve him but he stood up and he ate

shit and he sat back he got back up in his chair and we're like all right cool so just let him chill and then we see the bartender serving him more and it was so crazy and then he got up and he'd shit again all over some lady's table it was wild i just maybe he had dropsy popped into my head it was crazy i saw a guy eat shit at the horse track too at the valet stand getting into his car ate shit backwards out of it and then got back in and drove away and i was like it just gets into i'm gonna give it a minute i'm gonna give it yeah one american minute here yeah some people don't like those some people say that the horse track is like cruel to the horses but that's why i like it oh i didn't know that yeah but they also eat chicken and beef so yeah dude those horses are eating beef they're eating chicken so it's like

a doggy dog world out here they're like prize fighters they eat whatever they want then they get in the ring and it's fine in the in the wild a horse would try to kill me so like i'm fine with it you know what i'm saying also i think this goes good, if this podcast keeps going the way it's been going, I say we all go in on a horse. We should get a horse. A thoroughbred? Yeah. MC Hammer's had 10.

You're telling me we can't figure out how to get one? We're not a 10th MC Hammer between the three of us? That's sad if that's true. We're one 10th. We're 10% Hammer, for sure. 90% concentrated power and will, but 10% hammer. 10% hammer time. What would the horse be named?

I can't think of it. No, we can't even do it yet. I mean, fuck. I don't want to commit to it right now because I think this could happen. We could call it Winnie Cooper. We could call it Winnie Cooper. We could call it, oh, Winnie Cooper. Yeah.

Yeah. Jay Hoover? Yeah, Winnie Cooper. Daddy's whole hog? What about that? Daddy's whole hog? What are you, what? Why, because some guy's riding Daddy's whole hog?

Is that your logic there? I don't want my horse to be a dick. I want him to be taken seriously at the Preakness in the kentucky derby where this is the only horse to do the preakness and freak nick that's our goal with this horse they're gonna bring back i've just always wanted to be up in like a white linen suit smoking a thin cigarette telling a recently divorced a that's my horse which horse did you bet on i bet on mine i bet on my and then i go and then i go always bet on black yeah and i finish my bourbon and throw it on the ground i gotta imagine you're wearing a hat in this scenario yeah of course don't don't say pigs don't say let's get into it let's get into it

let him watch the late late show with james corden uh if you see a way watchers commercial and you like it that was me uh keep keep your eye on cbs for another show that i might be in vague vague oh watch sex unzipped on netflix i'm on this show with saweetie and there's a puppet version of me and i'm talking boners boobs and butts dude sex that's all i ever wanted you to do on netflix yeah me and saweetie and a couple other funny people but it's mostly me and so you have to say suck can we just say sweetie i'd like to say sweetie but it's spelled saweetie and i'm not sure we were but i thought when you like when you addressed her did you say like hey sweetie how do you like this lacroix i don't know what you guys were talking

about sweetie and i were never in the same room at the same time and it was made very clear to me that's in her rider that's in her rider that's not a you thing you don't feel bad about that no well i was always i always had our racehorse with us so i was never gonna be like in a situation where i couldn't have our horse listen i opened for baby face once didn't even get to smell him that's just how it goes bro that's what she's which sucks dude because i don't even i'm not worried about seeing baby face but i would love to know what that man smells like i want to know what the essence is rare let me know rare tonics and potions oh yeah it's rare air it's rare it's rare i opened for huey lewis one time didn't get to even shake his hand man what's the news oh man you know he's got it you rare it's rare i opened for huey lewis one time didn't get to even shake his hand man

what's the news oh man you know he's got it you know he's got big meaty paws on him because apparently he's got the big old have the smokiest hog and all the land oh is that it huey lewis got a huge Peter Frampton supposed to have the skimpiest so you know what's you i've heard that too you know what's sad to me is like going forward we're probably gonna have photo proof of all the famous people's huge hogs all the hogs out there like and it's not gonna be mythical like we're not gonna get another milton burrow no no you know what i'm saying like that's kind of a bummer because they're because if you have a huge hog you should you as you should be sending it out also if you got a

fat puss i'm not like trying to like one-sided it's never as big as i think it's going to be i remember everybody always talked about you think it's gonna be when you talk everybody always talked about ron jeremy and i fight when i finally did look at i was like oh it's uh you know it's not i mean i feel like you're positioning yourself now to act like okay you also have a big i feel like that's the kind of language you put forward when you're like i didn't i didn't think it looked that big one hondo that's not at all what i was saying that's you saying i also got a big dick grow up you also saying i got a big dick rj's got a smoker from way back don't be like that awful man big hog i'm about to google it right now and prove

you wrong it's look at it it is not as big as it should be for the all the build-up what do you want a three-footer kind of with the way people talk about it yes whoever that dude lexington steel that guy that his is okay i didn't want to tell you guys this but i'm going to tell you guys this i'm looking at a picture of ron licking the tip of his own you're not you're you're nuts sean he's got he's no torso man he's all leg he could he's licking the tip of his own shit is that what you do at like 260 at 260 at you know how much cushion he's got for the pushing he can still he can still kiss the top of it give that man his flowers terrible. Terrible man. Terrible man. Awful man.

Awful man. Awful guy. But we're talking about the dick. Yeah, we're talking about just like straight ripper. Come on, man. Anyway, the news is Huey Lewis, big old dick. Yeah, big hot. How do we start talking about that again?

I don't know. I feel like we talk about dicks too much. David opened the baby face. I opened for Huey Lewis. I'm on that sex show on Netflix. Check it out. It's called Sex Unzipped. Please watch it.

Do you tell them how you were getting it in really frequently when you were a bachelor? I don't know if it came up because the way they do that is they bring you to a room for like two hours and like ask you all sorts of questions and you just riff and talk and like, you know, they tell you what some of the questions are going to be up front. So you write jokes and whatever. And then like, and then they cut it all together. Do you think you would have got that before you lost, lost the weight?

I don't know. Interesting. I don't know. I like to think they were pretty progressive. Because all the memories, cause you've been with your girl. So all the memories you have are from before. From before.

Yeah. Cause I'm not going to talk about Dana on that one. No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But uh,. You're a good man. That's private. That's private. But Sam Jay's on there, too. There's some funny people.

I believe it. Nicky Glazer. I believe it. Glazer. We are gathered here today not only to talk about how Sam Jay and I are on a sex show together, but also and primarily to fantasy draft. My cats are up to something right now. To fantasy draft, Dana's in San Diego and my cats unsupervised. They're up to something.

That means your balls are sweating, right? My cats. No, no. I'm being very literal. Eddie and Beetlejuice, the cats fucking up to something. Dude, Birdie and Betty got out. The cats never. That's the most dad noise I've ever they never get out i they never get out

when i open the door when someone else opens the door they get out he's pointing to the room where his wife laura is sleeping yeah so i'm just like i'm like how how did they get up does she listen i don't think she listens right i don't know i just feel like i don't want to venture into where it feels like i'm talking shit. Does your girlfriend listen? Dana? Does your fiance listen? No, but her mom does sometimes.

I've never, I've never, anyone I've ever been involved with, the first thing I say is, don't you listen to that shit. I sue Carmel listens, and God bless her. I'm glad she does. A lot of my family listens. Ivan will tune in every now and then. My brother Bear bear shout out to my brother bear the whole the whole clan my mom pops in and out but i think the more i talk to my mom on because we facetime a lot so the more i talk to her the less she feels like she needs to

my family doesn't touch it i did i had to talk laura's i was like you you're adults you do it do what you want but it's not for you and i it's just like it's you know if you feel like it go for it i think i think laura's uncle jay listens now that i'm thinking about it what's up jay anyway it's not the version of me i'd love for them to be the most acquainted with it's not like it's bit we're not it's not anything gnarly but i just i'm like it's you know you're gonna hear some swear words and might talk about like a dick here and there it's not you know here and there here too there you cut that you cut the dick out we've done 36 episodes i wouldn't be talking about like dark nipples at passover dinner that's all i'm saying no no no no one in my family knows that my propensity for dark nipples uh since you're rolling a dinner plate come on man we're fantasy

drafting clothing items and and clothing articles accessories etc that we can't pull off but that we wish we could there's a big most stuff honestly i'm ready for it i'm so ready for it i'm so ready for it this was an ego check for me because like me too i looked at my closet i'm like yep that's what you can pull off am i pulling that off am i not pulling up we're gonna talk about it five years we're gonna talk about it a few things that i've tried to pull off well let's get into it i still try some of the stuff i wear no i wear and i'm like you're not still not working so was that one of them both of them oh they're reading they're up to something they're really are they oh they're reading they're up to something they're really are they are up to something they're up to something you think just because mom's not home

you guys can get up to something i rule with an iron fist is she gonna go poop is she pooping just because i'm recording oh my god i'm about to rule with an iron piss here after we do this there's rock paper scissors i gotta go so the way we determine the order of our fantasy draft is with a rollicking game of that aforementioned game, rock, paper, scissors, and we throw on shoot just between the two of you.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. El Clasico to two rocks. Rock, paper, scissors,

shoot. David boy wins. All the time is his want. David, as the winner of Rock Paper Scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft before you do that I will remind you that it is a serpentine draft and what is that? That's a great question

if you're trying to get 40 tricks on your 40th birthday when you're skateboarding you go from side to side you start on one side you do a crooked grind then you get over you turn around on the quarter pipe you do a 50-50 you go for a couple feet and then you come back and you turn around on the quarter pipe, you do a 50-50, you go for a couple feet, and then you come back, and you do a nollie 50-50 on the ledge. And then you

turn around, you go on the quarter pipe for a couple feet, and then you come back, you do a half-cab crooked grind. Then you go to the other quarter pipe, and you turn around, and you come back, and you do a nollie 5-0. Yeah, of course. Then you go to the other quarter pipe, you turn around, you come back, you do a half-cab crooked grind 180. Duh! Then you go to the other quarter pipe, you come back, you come back, you do a half-cap crooked grind 180. Duh.

Then you go to the other quarter pipe, you come back, you do a nollie frontside nose slide. Been saying. Then you go to this quarter pipe and you go back, you do a fakie nose grind. And I think those were all the ones I did on the ledge. So that sums it up, right? Basically what it means is if you pick third in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's All Fantasy Everything Fantasy Draft be? I am going Ian David Shawn.

Woo! Firsties! Hot corner. There it is, baby. Which means I am on the clock for the first pick and the clothing items we wish we could pull off but we don't think we can fantasy draft. And we will get to that first pick right after this piss break. Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy

everything the only this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not jason bourne you can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast.

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is that from something or you just fucking getting in people's heads no i just said that yeah bitch that wasn't like an exhibit lyric or something you just made that up i just said it nice i was hot from the toilet you should be a rapper like me you know i i gotta i gotta i gotta post 50 this shit's about to get weird you should lace some tracks like me. You know, I got a post 50. This shit's about to get weird. You should lace some tracks like I did. That's still available, right? That's available.

At least 3,000 people have listened to it. During the break, Sean and I were talking about his 40th birthday. We're going out to dinner and we might dress up a little bit. And then I imagine, I i imagine i can only imagine can only can only imagine we're gonna we're gonna end up at a tavern of some kind i can only imagine that too dressed up though i always like that like the crew that comes in and they're nice and they're dressed up because you're like what are they doing here yeah when they're not wild and like dipshit bachelors when it's like some mild-mannered people that are dressed up but

they're still at like a scummy bar it's always interesting why are they at the standard yeah yeah but you know it's not like a party bus pulled up and these dipshits got out it doesn't have to be the standard by the way you can you know what i mean you want to go to a whiskey library or whatever the fuck else they got going on in portland i'm gonna have a mustache dude go to a go to a gin bibliotheca yeah it might be one of those weird like big ice cube whiskey bars for a minute yeah you're 40 for god's sake it's not weird it's 40 it's your life yeah it sure is anyways i'm gonna order a doers anything any any glenn i'm gonna order a donors a donor kebab i'm order a Doner Kebab later that night.

David Borey. No, it's you. I'm on the clock. I'm on the clock. I'm on the clock, dude. It's you, baby boy. Meet me on the clock. It's going down.

All right. Well, shit. How do you want to open this big bag? I feel like we got a lot of the same things is what i'm curious i know okay i am gonna take i wish i could pull off a hockey jersey yeah nobody can i mean no some people can not a lot dude some people can. Not a lot, dude. Some people can, man. Snoop looked awesome. I've seen Justin Bieber wearing like a Blackhawks jersey. He looked awesome. I've seen the young kids.

The young kids. You just got to have. It's like not even. It's not even that you have to have a good body. You just got to have the right body. The right body. You got to be slender, I think. But also hips enough to make it not drape yeah you

have to have complete confidence in in your look too you can't be kind of wanting to wear a hockey jersey you got to fill it out at the lats but then let it drop at the waist yeah that's exactly what has to happen it looks so fucking cool on the people it looks cool on and everybody else looks like they can't get on a southwest flight yeah completely they're like the the ceiling floor difference on a hockey jersey is fucking absurd it's insane here's a question if i were to go to the store and buy a hockey jersey is it the hockey jersey that's meant to for me to fit the pads in? Or do they tailor them for ones that you purchase for the general public?

I don't know. But I think it's like football jerseys, right? Because, like, Ian, as someone who also played varsity, I'm sorry, Sean. Hey. Do you remember that your game jerseys were long as fuck because they had to they had to be thick in the shoulders and then you had to tuck them all the way in so like i remember for football at least our game jerseys went to like my thighs yeah fellow varsity starter david vory i uh i still had a long fucking jersey it just didn't have any stains on it i still had the jersey it was just clean

as a player on varsity i did notice did notice that the jersey was a little bit longer than a practice jersey, for instance. It did go longer than the pants. My practice jersey showed my belly button. Yeah. Yeah. Mine, too. It was sexy. I'll say it.

It was a sexy situation. I was a sexy teen. I'll say it. It was sexy, boys. Playing sexy football. Varsity starting on it on it sean what was your jersey like you said it was long as well i think they just maybe gave him a tattered rag my jersey was clean i don't even think i had a number we just had like school colors oh senior year i had blood

on my number i want it made me feel so cool i had blood on my number well yeah you never washed that out no no no i also loved fucking my helmet up which in retrospect oh yeah not great did you guys get the stickers for like we got stickers for sacks for sacks yeah yeah that you would like yeah that you would like put all over your shit we never got we had i've said it before you guys didn't have pancake stickers no no stickers oh man i had plenty of pancakes in high school though that's what i'm saying that's why you wanted the stickers yeah i brought this up before but in city football before high school we had ringers and you guys didn't have those right they were like the kids that weighed over like whatever x amount of weight for their age pop warner i didn't fuck with pop warner i was too fat

yeah they they had ringers and i always thought it was a shitty thing pop warner didn't fuck with fat kids they did not i'm saying that because they made them wear rings on their helmet, and it was such a shitty thing. Pop Warner was like triple patch, double patch, no patch, or some shit like that. We went. Yeah. What positions you could play.

We couldn't touch the, I could never touch the ball until high school. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, same, same, same, same. Which was silly because that law wasn't for 300-pound linemen. That was for, like, I guess if some kid happened to be 240 somehow in, like, sixth grade. I don't know. It didn't make any sense.

I wasn't big like a freak as a kid. They also, the first year I played it, I had to play with eighth graders in fifth grade because I was so big. So they made me swing up to eighth grade and i'm like this is this is safe i remember that because it was like it was like it was like youth midget midget was a class of not being like that and then like yeah and i i also had to play up but that's how you got good right that's how i learned to like trap block and shit so i don't feel bad about it yeah true anyway football yeah yeah anyway hockey jerseys hockey jerseys it is it it's from a it's a i'm i just sold out madison square garden at the height

of it at the bottom to this person is being escorted out of comic-con and we all know why exactly exactly yeah i never even i never even stepped i have a hockey jersey upstairs i never even stepped to it i never try it it's a tough look you look and you look like you're wearing your dad's clothes you know what i mean like if you wear it wrong my dad stepped to it if you're if you're skinny you can put like a hoodie underneath it yeah but if you're fat you look like it's the only shirt that you have for going out the hoodie underneath makes the whole thing almost it's almost cheating i love a hoodie underneath anything anything it looks good i just got this polo jacket that i love i put a hoodie underneath it i look cool as shit it looks

fucking awesome because it's like it's like it's like i'm formal enough to wear a jacket but i put a hoodie under it so i like to party yeah he's fucking cool he's you don't know where he's going after this and you don't know where he came right before it 100 you don't know where he's fucking coming from except it was somewhere you probably can't get into also can i say and i wanted to say this at the top let's not do this thing where we pick stuff and then all try to trick each other into that we could wear that thing. Yes, yes. Let's not do that.

Let's not do that. This isn't going to be like a- I'll be honest if I think you can, but like, let's not do that. Let's not do it. Let's not do it. I have a couple things that I think you're going to, but this is personal stuff,

and I've felt this way for years about the things I'm going to say. You know I'll be honest with you. I know you will. David will be honest with you you i know you i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna tell you if i think it's that yellow hoodie out of my face you don't you just don't have the skin for it no it's a skin tone thing i can rock yellow hoodie amazing but that's not the point that's not the point uh you'd look great making your first pick as well what you have right now my pick, I am going with a motherfucking scarf. That's what I was going to pick. I've always wanted to be a scarf guy, and I can not do it.

Your man ain't got the neck for it. Yeah. You got to have it because you got to wrap it and then have some shit coming up. You do the loop thing. I've had people show me how to do the cool scarf tie. And I'm still you do that. You do the loop thing. Tuck it in.

So it's like a collar almost. And I'm like, I look like a fucking idiot. I'm stocky, like at the bottom of some broccoli. Like, I ain't got it for me. Aim for me. But like, like a nice scar. And it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, yeah, I just ain't got it's just like it's just like yeah i just ain't got it i don't got enough neck i just don't got enough neck but like you see it sometimes and

you're like damn all right like when they have it over the front flipped over tucked in the jacket oh yeah what is that my man got it tucked in the jacket where's that thing end that's clean it's clean goes on and on. I love that look. Sometimes it goes out the bottom of the jacket, but you don't even feel bad about it. You don't even feel bad about it. You know what you could do with a scarf? And I'm not trying to talk you out of it, but anyone. You can do the over the shoulder where it's laying flat, but you also have to have a long jacket for that.

But I want to wrap it around, yeah. I want to wrap it around. I. I want to wrap it around. I rock a scarf. I love a scarf. Sue Carmel made me a scarf, and it looks beautiful. She made it years ago. I believe it. I believe it.

Heather made me a scarf. I couldn't. I cannot. I just look like an absolute. Well, now you can't because she's a devil. Oh, I thought you said Nicole. Never mind. No, no, no.

That name. Never since I got some strongly worded emails, that name does not come up on this show anymore. I don't know what you're talking about. I can't rock a scarf. Scarf is my first pick. Sean, you can wear a scarf if you dressed it right, I think. I've tried. I have a scarf.

I've tried. think i've tried uh i have a scarf i i've tried i feel a lot of this is for me i need to feel like i look cool and i only feel like i look cool in like five things me too five things dictated by high school though i went to i went to some mine too all of it i went out the other day and i was wearing an outfit and i thought about and i I was like, congratulations, you're the guy you thought looked cool in high school. Fix it. What was the outfit? I was wearing Jordan 5's light colored jeans, a gray Carhartt hoodie with the word Carhartt down the side. And then like a fitted.

And I was like okay cool you finally look like lloyd banks get your shit straight you know what i mean like bro grow up this isn't what we're doing but i'm working on it but you guys know i'm i'd be trying i'd be trying i'd be trying yeah it can't happen all at once no when it happens all at once it's not natural you gotta let the pieces trickle in r Rome was built in two days. Yes, two days. Maybe three. Two days, one night.

Four tops. Scarf. Scarfing it up. I love a scarf. I can't wait to wear some scarves this winter. It's about to be cold. Sean, you might see me in a scarf next weekend, dude. You won't.

I hope so, man. You won't, but you might. I bet you look amazing. You won't, but you might. You won't, but you might. That's all I'm saying. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. I'm going back to the jersey camp, a basketball jersey,

with just a basketball jersey with nothing under it. Oh, I had that. Yeah. Oh, with nothing under it? Yeah. Nah. Yeah. Nobody looks cool with it.

No. Jamel. Jamel is the only person that looks cool with a T-shirt under a basketball jersey. There are some dudes. There are some people. There are some dudes. But also some people. There are some dudes. But also, you got to have, you know what it is? You got to have a strong arm game.

Yes. You have to have a, you do. Smith, Sean, you know him. He looks amazing in a basketball jersey, and he does not have a strong arm game. You got to have beef, or you got to have nothing. You got to have string beans. That's it. That's it. That's the thing. You got to have a ribeye, or you got to have nothing. You got to have string beans. That's it. That's the thing.

You got to have a ribeye or you got to have a Caesar salad, my man. Yeah, dude. There's no in between. You can't have a baseball steak in there. You can't have a chicken breast, dude. You definitely can't have a fucking bingo wing. We had a skate park in Vermillion when I went to college, and it was only like me and Adam would go there every day and Nick,

and I'd wear this jersey, this Bearcats jersey that my buddy Dicks won in a mountain dude yeah it is but i'd wear it all the time and i realized i only felt comfortable because it was two of my best friends in the whole world anytime i tried to wear it out in public i felt like an absolute jamoke and to this day i have a raptors jersey that i i was even it a couple weeks ago. I was wearing it in the crib around this girl, and she didn't say anything. Yeah. But you said it all for her. You're just thinking, like, what? Yeah, she didn't say anything.

So then I went to 7-Eleven, and I was in the 7-Eleven. And I was like, this woman did not tell me. You're getting all mad at her, and she's like, I didn't say anything. You go, yeah, I know that. That's part of the problem. I know you didn't say anything.

Ian gave me a Dame Jersey, a proper Dame Jersey. And I still, I've worn it by myself. And I still am like you, I can't, I look like an asshole. Well,

you know what else is good under a, with a hoodie under it? A basketball jersey. Yeah. That's a great look. It's like cheating. I swear to God. But yes,

that definitely works. If you're at like the Moda Center or something, that's a great it's like cheating i swear to god but yes that definitely works if you're at like the moda center or something that's the move yeah but i've always wanted to be the person that can just wear a jersey not look like an asshole but look okay in the jersey i wore both a rashid and a greg odin on our uh on our summer breeze tour i mean you you had you handed me a bonzie wells one time yeah. Which was insane that you had it at your house. Somebody gave me a Bonzi Wells jersey. I didn't go buy that. It just appeared out of the earth.

I forget who gave it to me. That's the only way to happen. But yeah, basketball jersey. I feel you, Sean. Yeah. I mean, it's never. You also have a two-tone arm because you skate. So you have like a, you couldn't do it because you have a

farmer's stand i just i don't it's all whack part of it it's like red and blotchy too and i still get like shoulders it's all the stuff it's like what about at a music festival can we think of some scenarios where you would wear a basketball jersey nothing underneath like a tribal basketball jersey maybe if it was like would you blazing out? Would you wear a twisted is the motherfucking shit back basketball jersey? Also, Ian, I see the cuts in the arm. I see it. I got the, I see it. I see it.

I'm still filling out. I'm still filling out a suit. That's too big. They can't see it. I see it. And I like it. Yeah. I'm throwing the guns out.

Not even for Patreon content. This is just for. No, no, no, no, no. This is just for us. That's just for the boys. That's just for the boys. Yeah. Basketball jersey is hard to fucking pull off.

And what else is hard to pull off, Sean? You have a second pick. Next one. I got to pick cargo pants. I saw you tweeting about this. I'm close, man. I think they're kind of coming back, Loki. They're back.

They're fully back. But I'm like, I know I almost did it. I almost was like, it's your fucking birthday. Buy some cargo pants. It is. But I know that I cannot do it. It fucks with your silhouette in a strange way. I used to wear cargo pants all the time when I was in high school.

I don't think anyone is surprised about that. I looked amazing, but now I would just look like I'm trying. A big part of it, too, is I'd look like I was trying too hard but i want to wear them i think it would look so dope but i just love i love a lot of storage that's what i get i always got mad at cargo shorts because it's like dog i like to have some shit yeah yeah yeah i got some pop tarts in there what do you know i kept stuff in there it's a i got i got plan b and a pregnancy test in there i got plan b on one side and i got a fucking mcdouble on the other i'm ready for whichever way this night goes yeah this night we could do anything baby the main road or

the shortcut they're both right there i'm hacking my own stand up here but that pocket on the side of a cargo short was the perfect size for a good bread sandwich uh-huh like a good like a like you a five dollar loaf of bread at a grocery store like a dave's killer bread sandwich like god intended it sometimes can i say this and this is i think and this is this is gonna be bad this is gonna be a hot take i think because girls pockets are so shitty i think because girls pockets are so shitty girls pants and whatnot their pockets are so shitty sometimes they get i think they get mad that i could have a ham and chi a nextel and a fucking tall can and we could still hang out i think you're right i think women maybe get mad about the storage that we get the whole fucking anti-cargo shorts movement was completely a jealousy-based movement.

It is unfair. Because it has nothing to do with dudes. It is unfair. Look at what's cool for women right now. Like yoga pants? Fuck that. There's no pockets. No, I'm not going to say that.

Yeah, I'm not. I'm just saying it's not fair. It absolutely isn't fair. Yeah, I'm not. We go on a walk and Laura's got to hold all of her shit. I'm not yeah i'm not just saying it's not fair no it absolutely isn't fair yeah i'm not we go on a walk and laura's gotta like hold all of her shit i'm not i'm not i'm not i'm not with you i think they should wear i love you so much but i think they should have to wear mechanic suits a lot of pockets there i am against anything that maybe would make ladies not wear yeah we're not gonna use our platform yeah i'm not i. Anyway, cargo pants. I want to pull them off. I'm probably going to get a pair, honestly, and it's not going to work, but I'm probably

going to do it. You had a dad. You're not even trying to get no more. Do it. Get something good. I might. I really think I might. Maybe I'll take you out to get some this weekend.

Hey, man, I can't say no. Cargo pants. I can never wear them. I just know that about myself. Sam. Yeah. I'm picturing both of you in cargo pants. Ian doesn't have it no more.

I got a body where people are looking for me to do some shit. They're looking for me to do some shit, and I can't give it to them. Yeah. I can't give it to them. You know what I'm saying? People look at chubby dudes with clothing the way you look at like a dude who's about to do a backflip and and i and i give it to him a lot don't get me wrong i get i go get haircuts in the basketball shorts i understand i'm who you want to see

yeah but like on the friday night nah i ain't giving it to you i can't you're not gonna wear cargo pants to the wedding i can't give it to you i can't give it to you this this just i can't do it my legs are too short and too big to wear cargo pants it's tough i yeah i i mean i used to look fly as shit in high school i swear i did but i don't think it's the same now you swear i'm not in high school. I'm 40. You are 40. I remember, can I just tell you guys, I was thinking about my outfit the first day of senior year, and I was like, I don't think I'd ever look cooler than that, and I don't think anybody will ever know. What was it?

Do you remember? It was Air Force. It was white. A hoodie with no undershirt, zip down. No, junior year. Junior year. Excuse me. Sleeveless hoodie. It was a slee A hoodie with no undershirt zipped down. No, junior year. Junior year. Excuse me. Sleeveless hoodie.

It was a sleeveless hoodie. It was Nike spark tights with no pants. A chain. Seven Livestrong relationships. You had a wig? I had a Bon Jovi wig. I was wearing Jerry's Adidas with the wig

I'm not going to tell you guys what it is because I'll probably wear it for my next special but you know oh man what a beautiful moment of like securitistness oh you don't think I'm going to buy an Averax I'm rich now I do think you're going to buy an Averax

what's the next pick get out of here it's yours so next pick? Get out of here. Oh, I think it's yours. Oh, okay. So next pick. Oh, you know what? And I've tried this and it didn't work. Earrings. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to be able to pull off earrings. I know I'd look like a joker. Earrings, man. I tried it once. I had, and I'm- Did you have the Lawrence Taylor? Bro, I'm so gnarly i had my man and this is like a terrible it was the first i don't want to be awful it was the first

time i ever sold an eight ball that's all right not that i was doing that for a long time but then i sold an eight ball i had some money and then I had my man pierce my ears that night. And I sound like you didn't have any money. I did after I sold that eight ball. But, and then I had my man, he pierced my ears that night and I woke up with two huge fake ass Walmart rocks, like fake ass, but big. And it's just, my head doesn't work like that i don't got i don't got a head like that you gotta have a you gotta have an earrings head i don't have an earrings head

and yeah it just doesn't like ho probably 09 but uh yeah i just don't i don't have an earrings head and and also i have and this is i'll say it it's we're coming out on the podcast i guess i've come to the point i'm not downing anybody, but I think diamond jewelry is stupid. I do. I think it's dumb. I think it's like, well, I guess I'll guess I'll be taking Sean's birthday present back. I just don't like, bro. I'm from Sierra Leone.

I'm from Sierra Leone. I've seen those mines with people with no clothes on mining. I don't, I'm not not for it but the point is yeah earrings i ain't got it i ain't got it i just i i got the head because it's also like i'm not by the way i'm not against people having fake jewelry i got a fake rolly on the mantle right now don't worry about where i'm in the crew pick somebody from the family that could pull off earrings i think it's sean i think i think you would be probably me just our crew or i don't mean just us i was thinking malloy or sharpie could

pull off an earring i think uh tiscani yeah tiscani no way he looked too much like color me bad no tiscani could do gold hoops and they would go nuts over it he's got long hair and he's buff he would look like such a joker no no no no i don't know i don't have one feather dude oh if he did something like that i was dating a girl with a feather and i was in the club one time and it was the worst feeling dude with a feather and girl with a feather are different people fair fair fair yeah but earrings earrings in general i just ain't like it's just like i don't agree with you i think i got a fat ass head and my ears don't stick out far so it just like looks crazy but i just ain't got it i ain't got it you're not you

know what i mean i know you can take out your earrings but if you're gonna be an earring person you gotta be an earring person all day as a dude as a dude and like that's a different thing man that's a different guy and i think harrison ford has an earring and it's kind of interesting i guess it's interesting that he has one doesn't look good no every time i see it i'm just like take it out morgan freeman same thing i'm like take him out dog deon sanders earring guy deon's deon's i'm like put more in yeah taylor earring guy you know what i mean like george michael earring guy like so many guys, but just not, not me. I don't know.

Not me. Not Sean. I like it. I appreciate it. Fabulous. Cameron has women's earrings. Yeah. Big giant danglies.

It's not for me. No, it isn't. Yeah. Earrings. Earrings is my thing. Because we just got to be able to throw on like a hoodie sometimes. And I just don't... I don't think I'm a jewelry guy in general, to be honest.

I don't think I got it like that. I like a pinky ring. I wear a pinky ring quite often. I think I got good hands, right? I think I got good hands, but I never... But either way, earrings. Earrings is my... Time for my second pick, and then my third, as it is,

a serpentine draft. With my second pick, I'm going to take, now not any item made out, not any jacket made out of leather, but a capital letters leather jacket. That's not me. Like with scraps? I said I didn't want to do this i oh oh like uh oh i see what you're saying like the like like the fawns yeah like the fawns like a motorcycle jacket

like a motorcycle jacket you're right yeah you're right you're right you are so right yeah you you looked at yourself yeah you're so right that's right you can't you can't do that you're right you're right i can't do it either but you're right you're right we can't do it sean you might be able to if you took me and you erased my hard drive and it was just my face and my body and there was no and you just put a different personality in there maybe i could wear that jacket but i don't got a haircut and i had a clean shaven face i could i could do it probably yeah sean could do it yeah you could do it i don't have the personality to back up a motorcycle leather jacket i yeah i can't wear anything that i would want to make

fun of immediately like if someone's like nice jacket i'd be like yeah right what a fucking joke huh but i'm wearing it the triangle yeah you're right yeah the triangle and like and like all the zippers all the zippers the sleeves where you're like you're not sure if you should zip the sleeves you know what you could do is a leather bomber yes well i could i i have one well i have it's leather i think leather sleeves i also have a suede bomber that nigga i'm sorry that was a bold statement you know how many times i have thought about buying a suede bomber you would look dope in a suede bomber i know i know but i gotta like i gotta just like it's not the time no no no no i don't have the expendable for it yet i don't have the this was that this was a hand-me-down from one uh james kimberly cordon there you go there you go

it's the only way i found myself inside of the suede bomber. JTC. It's like a light, light, light gray suede bomber. It feels like fucking butter. It's insane. Suede bomber is the coldest shit of all time. It's gray and it's the most audacious thing I own. You know what I'm saying? It's somehow both of those things. I know exactly

what you're saying. I like, you know what I mean? Like a leather jacket. Yes, but not that leather jacket. But when you see someone pulling it off it looks fucking rad yeah yeah i know what yeah you're right that's another thing you throw a fucking hoodie under it oh my god yeah but you gotta be that you gotta have that like you gotta have that move on you sometimes a girl wearing that jacket too that's a cool girl girls are amazing and girls are fucking motorcycle jack i mean the girls are amazing or all the clothes because they're better than us but like dana dana schwartz wears a

motorcycle jacket and she looks fucking awesome i was gonna say i bet dana's got one she's an she's an author and she can pull that off do Do you wear the bomber next to it though? Is that like, what do you do when she pulls out the leather? I don't know if she's ever worn it when we were together. I'm trying to think now. That's not date. That's not a date jacket. Maybe that's a bad sign. Maybe not only can I not wear it, she can't wear it when she's with me maybe that's how

on leather jacket i am that's how every woman i've ever had sex with feels about these crocs yeah those things are dang i've been getting the first thing i saw when i went to your house i've been getting a lot of heat on the streets comfy comfy who's next time for my next pick my third pick i'm gonna take it i love when other people wear it nick nampay just wore one the other day when we went to the university of oregon football game where they travailed over the ucla bruins sure did and that item is a bucket hat yeah oh yeah yeah i never even tried i never even thought i could do it you never have a couple even i tried bad yeah i tried i tried big i it's it's astounding to me that you can't wear a bucket hat that you

think you can't wear a bucket hat i feel like it's just you haven't found the right one yet but i don't know your body talking to david right your hips can't go wider than the bucket oh interesting tell everybody tell everybody you know if your hips go wider than that bucket you look bad boy that's what true it's fact you think the bucket should be wider than your hips yep that's like that's like two feet it's literally most people who wear bucket hats but you're right in a way you don't want it to be a profound. You don't want a thin bucket and then you're out here. Yeah, it makes you look nuts.

It makes a bad contour. I think you can have like three or four inches of give one way or the other. Yeah, but you can't have a bucket and then your hips blown out. You look insane. It shouldn't look like the top of Mount Fuji. Yeah. My man. My man gets it. My man the top of mount fuji yeah you're my man my man gets it my man yeah no it's i feel like i mean i i i've worn him as a joke but i've never honestly wore a

bucket hat it also seems to be like bucket hats don't hit in the colors that like a white guy would want does that make sense yeah for sure and we get washed out by a lot of the bucket hat colors like a yellow bucket hat hits yeah yeah yeah you throw a yellow bucket hat on me and you're like oh yeah but like oh no if we threw you in a yellow bucket and a pacer's jersey you would look insane unless it was rick smith's well yeah rick rick smith's court side with like knee braces on you were wearing a rick smith's jersey in a yellow bucket and somehow that makes it work i think yeah dude flying dutchman low-key i think i could do that yeah you could absolutely you should absolutely wear rick smith's in a yellow bucket dude i could just dye my mustache blonde and go

as rick smith's one of these years for halloween put a yellow bucket hat and be like rick smith's at prom thick smith's dude no that's good a bucket hat for sure i want to befriend a fat dutchman just so i can call him thick smith's i want to befriend a fat dutchman so i can call him fat dutchman i might call matt ronger fat dutchman next time i see him it's on it's on it's already on uh bucket hat yeah and i like i've worn i have this bucket hat that i got from the griffith park golf that's more of a golf hat that i that i'll wear every now and then on vacation and in that then vacation different rules yeah oh for sure for vacation all the time i could i might even wear a jersey like if i was in mexico or something yeah but yeah i i've come through with two pairs of underwear on vacation who knows what's gonna happen absolutely wearing underwear on vacation i love you so much better vacations man

my man david's time for your second pick third pick uh okay here's what i'm saying third pick i am gonna go silk shirt i get too sweaty oh yeah man i used to wear silk shirts dude you are the weirdest child i've ever heard i had like a levi's silk shirt here's what i'm saying can i can i can i paint a picture at At some point, Sean Jordan had jabot jeans, a silk shirt, a water bed, and he was 11. Yep. You are. I wore the jabot. I had purple. Wouldn't anybody at school think like, yo, this kid's trying to get pussy, I guess.

It's insane that all those things happened and they weren't in a guy's apartment, like a single guy's apartment. That is after your wife leaves you accessories. That is condo wear. One of the outfits I had where Carl, this is at the same time, Carl Canai shoes, purple jabos, and a different color purple Levi's silk button up that I used to wear tucked in. So two different kinds of purple with Carl Canai shoes.

No wonder you like the Joker so much. I didn't even know i didn't even know levi's dabbled in silk i don't think they do anymore i think it was a brief dalliance they had with the silk like that is team denim you got them out of theirs though there's a there's a book about the ceo who approved that and it it's a cautionary tale it's like how they talk about warren littlefield in the snl book yeah that's tight he's just dating like a vegan or something he's like yeah silk you know it's a stink right we're gonna do i think levi's could turn the corner i can't do silk for a different reason and it's my nipples are too sensitive oh that makes sense i don't want i don't i don't like nipping out in shirts did you guys ever wear

silk boxers because that was crazy that's what i figured out i remember it specifically somebody when i was in the fifth grade somebody got me some silk winnie the pooh boxers my god and i wore them one day and i was and then at the end of the day i took them off and i was like oh this isn't yeah this isn't a thing that i gotta walk from class to class and you're like i guess i'm gonna get a boner in between every class they're bunched and they're tight because of the sweat and you're just like oh no i just ain't i ain't silky like that you were like gandalf with the one true ring, dude. You just knew you could not be trusted with that power. Yeah.

I want none of you guys to think that I don't think I'm still sexy as hell. I just ain't got that silk boxer game. Same with silk sheets. I just, I'm a big boy, man. This should get wet. No, it's sticky. I don't like silk. It feels like flypaper.

Now, silk pajamas for an album cover shoot? Yeah, of course. None of us are going to rule that out. I will rock silk for 87 minutes or less any day you need me to. Yeah. Throw on some silk.

Watch a couple episodes of The Simpsons. For a night, I ain't got it. It'd have to be so cold out. Yeah, silk shirt. cold out it's good silk shirt yo it's Mars I've hacked into this episode to let you know that we're gonna be right back after this short break this episode

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and use promo code all fantasy. Sean Jordan, time for your third and then your fourth picks. My third pick, you guys might argue this, but I do not look good in high-top shoes. I've wanted to wear high-top shoes my whole life. I look like an absolute... No, you're right. You look terrible.

I look like an absolute moron. I do. No, you don't. I do. What if you would just wear jeans and roll them over? I can't do that because then the jeans are thick at the bottom and they look so stupid. Can I say something right now?

My assistant Johnny, we love him, he's here He's been in the bathroom for like 45 minutes Maybe he's jacking off I don't know Maybe he's having trouble jacking off Dude He's been in there

Dude Maybe he's trying to beat off with two dinner plates or something. He doesn't know how to do it. I think he's been in there since I was talking about scarves. Maybe he struck a nerve. No, he's not. Maybe he bought you a scarf. He's all buff.

He'll be fine. He's trying to jack it off. Trying to shove it down the toilet. Hold on. I am going to check on him. Johnny! Johnny! Are you okay?

Yup. I bet he's just looking at something on his phone and his legs fell asleep. And now he's waiting for them to come back. Man, who you telling? Yeah, dude. Who hasn't gotten a fucking... Yeah. Anyway, high tops.

I don't... You need... Again, you need to feel like you look good. And I do not feel like I look good in high tops. You couldn't throw on some Jordan 1s, dude? Mm-mm. That's a skate shoe. Jordan 1?

J1? I can't look down and feel comfortable. I never have been able to. Okay. I get it. Man, I remember when Air Force Ones came back, how excited I was. I love a high top. Yeah.

I love it. I want to, but I just can't do it i can't look down boy i'm a cankle boy from way back boy yeah i've always just worn like white shoes like bright white shoes nurse nurse shoes that's what i like is weird a high top and a low short dude yeah no i can't i just can't do it all right that's fair what's your next one hit me with the next one i try the next one i tried for a while because when my dad died he gave me one and i was like all right i'll wear it and black didn't work i wanted it to work as a chain i can't wear a chain i want to be able to wear a chain can't you didn't give me he gave me a

necklace like i think i think if you give me a weekend i think if i if you let me fix your haircut not fix if i had a chain right now i look like a jersey dude if you let me give you a haircut i think i could put a chain on you clean i don't think that's all i'm saying that's all i'm saying i put one of ian's on one night at the Roost, and I felt like, all night, I felt like I had boogers all over my face. But that's not right, because you have Madix hoodie energy.

Like, I think if you let me, I think if you came with me to my African man, shout out to DJ, and you got a fade, I think I'd look like a Marine. No? I think, I think, I think. A fade on me, I'd look like a Marine. No, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I think I could have you out here in a herringbone.

You could. You could. I think that, I think that, I think that. I'll have a herringbone. I'll bring a herringbone. I think, I think, I think that. I think, I think your hair's too long. I think you don't even, I don too long I think you don't even

I think you don't know your chain potential and I love you I'm saying that as somebody who loves you I don't think you know your chain potential alright as a chain man I don't know that you can be I've seen you out here four deep

I have been four deep I've seen it you don't think I'm looking at it sometimes you have to four deep yeah i've seen it sometimes you gotta think i'm looking at it sometimes let them know you got four chains tell them yeah i don't feel safe with those back in the hotel room i feel safe with them around my neck i put them on my neck just in case i have to get bailed out yeah i don't know that you can wear them I don't know if you're an open shirt chain guy. I'll say that. But. It'd be more of a t-shirt.

That's not the same as a chain, though. That's a different thing. That's not the same as a chain, though. Open, like, come on. One chain? I think you would have to go, and maybe the juice isn't worth a squeeze for you. But, and maybe this sounds insane. Turtleneck chain jacket.

Yeah, 100%. And then I think you would look great. Shout out to Mel Cooks. and maybe this sounds insane turtleneck chain jacket yeah 100% and then I think you would look great shout out to Mel Cooks my man you would think my man showed up to the function the other day in a turtleneck and a chain and it's all anybody could talk about stop traffic stop traffic real quick you

both look at me look at me in the zoom and you tell me that I would look good in a turtleneck with a chain on it you tell me that if you had shorter hair yes yeah you guys are fucking bananas sunglasses and their gold rim sunglasses that match your gold chain i'd look like something but i wouldn't look good people don't realize if you want to have jewelry you gotta have short hair i would look like a scumbag for men for men you just had you know i think you just gotta have short hair i would look like a scumbag for men for men you just had you know i think you just gotta have shorter hair i look like a loan shirt you gotta let yourself live

dude i'm trying not like that man i don't think that's living for me turtleneck chain jacket over it no way turtleneck chain sounds like a bad nickname also nothing nothing wrong with uh loan shark shout out to my man isaac you know what you're doing loan sharks can dress dude that's not the thing about that's not the thing about loan sharks that's not why they went to jail it was never the criticism that they couldn't dress exactly a chain that's number four all right is it on me right was that number four yeah that was number four it is on you with It's your fourth pick, Dan. I'm going to go to sleep tonight thinking about ways to get you in a chain.

I already know that. Yeah. You knew that waking up, though. Yeah. I'm going to go to sleep tonight thinking about ways to get out of that turtleneck. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. We're going to have to cut you out, Dan. All right. All right. All right.

All right. You fucking broke your leg skiing. Yeah. All right. For me, for me, for me. You know what I'm going with oh you know what i ain't got the ankles for it rolled up pants yeah big time sure i ain't got the ankles for it and and in the way my pants fit i just ain't got the i ain't got the shit like rolled up pants. When you see them, when the, where they sit, like I was, Toscani does it a lot where he sits and it goes real high.

And you can see the socks. Yeah. That ain't for me, bro. That ain't for me. Rolled up pants. Zach is one of those where I'll see what Zach's wearing. And I'm like,

man, I wish I could look like that with that on. And I, it just never happens. Well, that's also like, you know, Oh, I know. Build and everything. I get it. Yeah. I's also like, you know, oh.

I know, build and everything. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I'm not built like Zach. That's exactly what they want. That's exactly what they make clothes for. See, to rock a rolled up pant, your calves got to be Chile and mine are Brazil. Yeah.

No, and I got nice. I got nice. I'm not like, I'm not downing my body like i have i have good feet to knee knee leg shit but the way they roll them up it just doesn't it'll be it's too much space it just doesn't look right on mine your calves are too big for your head to pull that off you can't exactly you can't have a juicy calf exactly and pull up that roll up dude you just can't yeah i don't i ain't got it i ain't got it i ain't got it i ain't got it and a juicy calf is something to be proud of yeah it's fine i mean i don't i love my body because it's gotten me to i love my body because it's walked

me to the place where i could fucking be friends with y'all. But, like, nah, that ain't for me. Roll the pants. Every time I do it. Every time I do it. And, like, I'm going to tag on something to here because if someone was going to pick it, I'm sorry. We'll just have to scramble for other stuff. But a boot cut jean, which is back now. Nobody wants to wear a boot cut jean. What back now nobody wants to wear a boot cut but those are back like

a boot cut like a wide leg jean is like back they look insane speaking of entourage they all wore boot cut jeans and i'm like you guys look like absolute dipshits like a wider leg jean is like what people are wearing again now and i just can't like it's crazy it feels too heavy around my ankle i worry about entourage that you don't know that those guys are douchebags shot they are i'm just saying it's just on my mind it's funny because i've i've been watching it again when you say on you're spelling it en it's end my mind it's on my man um yeah yeah rolled up jeans i feel like rolled up jeans are tough dude and they look great on the

right person like a nice roll of jeans and the hell's angels man they're tough you know yeah and then ian it's it's you and then the last one and then uh in the last round yeah all right we kept it fairly tight yeah i think we did a good job i also think this episode is hilarious i really love talking to you guys. You're so funny. Yeah, I miss you dudes. Five stars. Yeah, seriously, big time. I get to see both of you in the next two weeks.

No, I'm sorry. Marissa, cut that out. Cut that out. That's a 1984 joke. David just said air horns. David's been listening to Entourage 2. Between us, it was hilarious yeah it was really funny

uh i haven't done anything but work since tuesday i literally have not done anything but i've been wake up work go to sleep and like i was like oh we gotta do this podcast but now i'm like oh i'm so glad we're doing this podcast every time me too me too i was like that's how you know it's good because it's like you want to i forget about like when we text about the podcast i'll be on some like oh this is another work thing i gotta do yeah but then when we do it i'm like oh i get to hang out with my friends this is nice like like on paper the podcast is like just like another it's like another work thing but then yeah like i i said it twice idiot said said the exact same thing double down i love it it sounded so nice you said it twice there's nothing wrong with that

come in here johnny's in here i come see john does he have a prolapse rectum david here's a fun thing you can say buffy is i know i gotta get an unbuff assistant i know dude back and my hand is still horny johnny you want to say some say hi to the people johnny what am i supposed to say to the people you do something good johnny i walk up he asks if I have a prolapse thrift to him. You just say I need to get a more unbuff assistant. This just seems like a bad introduction. Johnny's wearing something that I couldn't wear. I'll tell you that. He's learning about show business. We're just hearing from the prosecutor

not the defense. That's all I heard there. The defense for us, I guess. God bless him. I love him. I'll speak on behalf of Johnny. He's a lovely young man. I know. I know. We're winding up. We're winding up.'re winding up uh hats and i don't know about this one i i i no no it's on mine it's on mine and i know what you're saying yeah not baseball baseball or beanie no those are those we look great in those we look great

you have to go to a haberdasher a haberdasher get this hat and i'm not certain that i wouldn't look good but like a jake kroger right it's so scary it's so scary to get in it's the scariest thing in fashion in in it was on my shit hold on let me show you my shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh there's one on there that you definitely can pull off. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to say it in case you take it next. There's not a higher wire act than hats.

A hat that's not a hat. Because we're all, we're athleisure boys. We all grew up in the game. So like a beanie or a, but like a hat. A hat. A hat. a hat. A hat. A hat. A hat. No, you're right.

You're right. Even if, again, if you, go ahead, Sean. A hat. Yeah. A hat. A hat. A hat is another thing where if you wipe my hard drive maybe i could pull it off but also also johnny loves it because his last name is hat his last name's hat yeah yeah yeah hell yeah dude

yeah he's the best you can pull off a hat of course he could pull off a hat look at him he's perfect looking i i just say like if i would even if i had one on and if i looked good on paper i would be so aware of my hat but this by the way asterisk subject to change you're you're right though because every time i've ever worn a hat uh it's like all i can think about yeah i've never like about like i see these white ladies with these quaker hats i'm like how is not that not the only thing that's in your brain right yeah you're not just constantly thinking about like like i don't get it i don't i'm wearing this hat that's all i think about when i'm wearing a hat i'm wearing this hat you're right i follow hat accounts on instagram yeah why not just to be like well this guy's wearing a hat but anyway man time for my final pick it's a lightning round and i'm gonna take sneakers with a suit

oh yeah i understand i understand why you can't do it yeah yeah it's not me my turn yep lightning round yep uh suspenders okay okay So the one you had, I saw on your list was hella open buttons. Yes, you can. You can. Yes, you can. I love you guys. You can. With a chain in the taco meat.

Man, I love you guys. And a silk shirt. But, but what I'm saying is, is suspenders. Okay. Suspenders. Yep. Sean Jordan. Sean, finish it.

Bubble goose. Try it. Always wanted to. Always thought I'd look dope. Like mom deep. Can, finish it. Bubble goose. Try it. Always wanted to. Always thought I'd look dope. Like, mom deep. Can't do it. Of course you could, you idiot. No, I couldn't.

You're a beautiful man. Okay, all right. They have different bubble goose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want the big. He wants a triple fat goose. I want like a Rayquan Rockaway

fucking bubble goose. Watch these rap niggas get all up in your guts. I stole a car. I drove it around and then ditched a bubble goose. Put a bullet in your bubble goose. Alright, man. Ian, count us out. That's the final pick. I went first. I took a hockey jersey.

It's funny imagining this as an outfit. Yeah, it is. A hockey jersey, a leather jacket, a bucket hat, hats, and sneakers with a suit. David, you went second. You took a scarf, earrings, silk shirt, rolled up pants, and suspenders. I'm Brian Tyree Henry.

Dude, you look awesome.ry sean you went last and you took a basketball jersey cargo pants high tops chain and a bubble goose mine would work in a video mine would do all of ours would work both of you happen to just take a complete outfit you didn't really i took like two different kinds of hats i took yeah i accidentally took an actual shit i could wear you took sean you took an outfit that i can't believe you haven't worn you did as a child i all right fair yeah yeah we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod onantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity.

Huge shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you so much for holding this down. We love you so much. Shout out to Saints2Carmel. Shout out to HajiP. Shout out to SidTheDude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. And more important than all of that,

tune in again next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything shakakiri damn That was a HeadGum Podcast.